#i need you to know that i genuinely get psychic damage thinking about the latter half of the series for too long

[siromany]

Rewatching season 2 for proper detail research for the au because I only ever saw it once when it was first coming out. It's worse than I remember.

[copperbadge]

Showed someone my NaNoWriMo setup and uhh I didn't think novel writing in excel could inflict psychic damage to others?? I just wanted a simple way to look at my daily word count 🥺

I mean, do what makes the work easiest, Anon, follow your bliss, don't listen to the haters, even me. I write villanelles in Excel for very good reasons of accessibility!

When we talk about "they did WHAT in Excel?" it's generally because it seems like the person is making more work for themself, and absolutely because if they send it out into the world that way, they're making more work for everyone else. Presumably you aren't submitting your NaNo novel to agents as an Excel document -- I did leave one villanelle in Excel as proof of concept but generally they’re not still in a table when I transfer them. I kind of get why you’d do something unorthodox, because I write my novels in plaintext, which is now widely seen as a bit weird; I use absolutely no formatting I don't have to, and I tag formatting with <i>basic html</i> because I want to be able to find it once it's in its final form and needs to be typset. That seems like more work too but it has internal logic. 

I think to me the issue is that I know what a pain in the ass it is to work with prose in Excel -- I actually do it quite a lot for work. The bulk of the work I am doing today is taking a sheet that has 40 names in it and writing a biographical blurb for each name on that name’s line in the sheet. It’s a method of data visualization fairly unique to the way I run the shop, but it works because you see the data points and the blurb side by side, and it makes it super easy to import all the information to the database eventually. 

But I also know its limitations. Like, I’m genuinely very curious, do you put the whole day's new writing into a single cell? I can't imagine you would because eventually you'd run into the issue of cell height limits, even if the cell took up the whole screen, and it would make scrolling a nightmare. Although if you struggle with re-reading and endlessly correcting rather than moving on to new work, it would certainly make that more difficult to do, which could be an advantage. Or do you put every new paragraph into a new cell? That makes more sense, though I'd wonder about whether quotation marks would fuck up the formatting. 

And it seems like especially with the latter (though really with either) it doesn’t actually make getting the wordcount significantly easier. I couldn’t figure out how to get the wordcount of a cell in Excel at all -- are you using COUNT, and building a pivot table? That’s quite impressive if so. Or are you making a new sheet for each day and writing into the new sheet? That seems like it would make it difficult to get everything out of the book easily, on the back end, but it would mean you’d get your eyes on every day’s work a second time. 

I tell you this not to try and evangelize you away from Excel, but just so that you know -- getting a daily wordcount in GDocs or Word is not super difficult, as long as you mark where you started that day. In GDocs, you just highlight what you want to count and hit Tools > Wordcount; the window will return something like Words: 207 of 309, meaning the document contains 309 words and you’ve highlighted 207 of them. In Word it’s slightly clunkier; you highlight the words and hit “Review > Wordcount” and it will tell you how many words are highlighted, but to get the total wordcount you have to de-highlight and do the wordcount again. 

In any case, honestly, do whatever makes it easiest to write, especially during NaNo. Just...maybe make sure it’s in a Word document before you submit it anywhere. :D

[noxiatoxia]

im sure you've talked about this before, but how would you rewrite the carriage allegory

so i didn't answer this asap because 1) i think you sent it while i was in the hospital i am unsure and 2) i needed time to think on it

so firstly, obviously, the important thing is to identify WHY the carriage allegory fails in the current state it does, and what it was trying to accomplish in the first place.

This can be explained pretty simply. The carriage allegory aims to explore Kaoru's deeper fears (as lifted from the manga) while also imparting an impending sense of doom to the audience for the lead up to the finale. To this end, it achieves both these things from an outset perspective-- episode 21, despite how much psychic damage it gives me bc duhhh the carriage, is a genuinely good episode. The only real issue I have with it is the fact Kaoru's sudden character fears (specifically being wrapped up in a cinderella allegory) comes out of nowhere and feels very very abrupt, especially more so bc it seems to become a core trait of his henceforth, so the pacing is a little whack, but besides that, it is a genuinely clever episode with clever imagery and metaphors. The issues arise towards the latter half, that being the allegory isn't resolved.

I've talked about this before, but here is the reiteration: basically, the plot relevance - that being to give the audience a sense of suspense about the host club's future - is fulfilled and solved. But Kaoru's personal issues about letting go and his anxiety, THOSE are not resolved.

The reason this happens is because they attempted to take a pre-existing arc - that being Kaoru's depression from the manga, let's just call it for simplicity - and combine it with a plot device for the audience because the two easily can be intertwined. The issue with this is not inherently in the fact they did this, but in the fact that they cared only about solving the aforementioned plot device and not the character arc aspect of it, leaving that open-ended - and not in a good way.

Compare this to the arc with Kyoya's father or Tamaki's mother. These are both character-centric plot threads that are expounded upon little by little as the show goes on, and in the final 2 episodes, they are tackled head-on. NEITHER are fully "solved", but they are given a reasonable open-ended resolution. We do not know what will happen next - will Tamaki ever see his mother again? Will Kyoya truly grow to be his own person? We do not know, but we are given the answer of ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. Tamaki CHOSE to stay with the host club over seeing his mother again. Kyoya CHOSE to defy his father. These give HINTS to where their intentions and hearts lie, and so while the answer is up in the air, their arcs were acknowledged and reasonably addressed.

Kaoru? We don't get that. There is no scene in the anime that parallels Kaoru and Hikaru's heart-to-heart from the manga. There is subtle imagery (the carriage crashing in a pumpkin patch = the spell has worn off, but everything turns out alright in the end anyways) but this is more in reference to the PLOT-centric side of the allegory (the host club falling apart), and not Kaoru's character. Kaoru himself never gets a scene to acknowledge his issues, and I use "acknowledge" because some people are under the impression I'm mad it was never outright stated Hikaru won't leave Kaoru or smth like that. That is not the case. As said, like with Tamaki and Kyoya, i am MORE than fine with things being left up in the air for interpretation. But there is a very big difference between left up for interpretation and just neglecting to follow through on something. Kaoru's arc falls in the second category because, again, unlike Tamaki and Kyoya, it is never mentioned or acknowledged beyond a brief moment in episode 23 that only reinforces his fears and does nothing to signify any possibility for a conclusion.

How this could be fixed, in specifics, could go many ways. They could adapt the manga scene of Hikaru and Kaoru's conversation, although this imo would feel out of place in the pacing of the final few episodes, and for this to work, they would pretty much need to cut out Kasanoda from the series (which, as much as I love the guy, I think they probably should have ignored his whole character and used the 2 episodes about him to dedicate to Mori & Kaoru respectively)

So assuming we can't just get a straight up adaptation, my next best suggestion would probably be an added scene in episode 23. You could do the end of the last episode, but I feel like putting the spotlight on Kaoru at the end of the series would be awkward when clearly it should be on Haruhi/Tamaki. So episode 23 is the best choice. And it could easily work; Tamaki comes close to realizing his feelings for Haruhi in that episode, and as we know Hikaru has weird cringe misfit issues, so maybe it could cause him to have a mini bitch fit. Through some dialogue, directly or indirectly, it could be revealed Kaoru's fears of drifting apart from Hikaru. Hikaru could then reassure Kaoru that they'll always be close. Boom. Solved. You can even have Kaoru still hint at his anxiety of the host club breaking up, which would then get resolved in the final episode. That's the best way I can think, anyways.

basically all im saying is that they should hire me to go back in time and fix the ouran script.

[primummobile]

⚡️ Why are they mad at me? ⚡️

Check sun🌞, moon🌙 & MARS⚔️

✨⭐️ quick note: this is not about who’s at ‘fault’, i have simply provided some (practical) guidelines intended to explain and deal with anger in the signs ⭐️✨

⚡️ Aries (fire, cardinal): You ‘won’ (at some mundane activity). You insulted their ‘virility’, their ‘potency’ (yup, women too). A somewhat ‘basic’ emotional reaction that is usually not that difficult to understand (watch out for physical reactions!).

‘[Angry, non-verbal noises].’

What you can do: Try to distract them, do some other activity—or else they’ll try to ‘beat’ you until you both pass out from exhaustion. Exaggerate your ‘humorous tone’ when poking fun at them.

⚡️ Taurus (earth, fixed): There is most likely a practical, ‘common sense’ reason for their anger. Not prone to getting angry unexpectedly or for ‘irrational’ reasons.

‘If you’d just start [behaviour that actually makes sense].’

What you can do: Don’t argue with them. They’ll repeat the same thing ad nauseum & will never (ever!) change their mind (only internally/over long stretches of time). Consider changing certain behaviours: Taureans don’t demand much, won’t demand the impossible.

⚡️ Gemini (air, mutable): You interpreted their words literally/you don’t know the value of an (quote unquote) ‘interesting’ conversation/are limiting their self-expression. Be prepared for a verbal tirade; there is little chance of you being able to explain your point of view.

‘Sometimes I just say stuff...’

What you can do: Go talk to some water-dominant people. Alternatively: If you get to know the Gemini in question better, you’ll learn to tell when they’re being serious & when they’re just ‘experimenting’ with thoughts & concepts (hint: it’s usually the latter). Also: When they’re angry, just let them talk until they’re done.

⚡️ Cancer (water, cardinal): You offended someone they care about/someone they think needs protecting. Watch out: they will know how to hurt you because they are so easily hurt themselves/are emotionally intuitive, sensitive.

‘You can’t say that to x!!’

What you can do: Apologise to the person you (may have) offended. Simple. Tried & true.

⚡️ Leo (fire, fixed): You humiliated them (in public) or messed with their public image and/or self-image. They don’t feel valued for their gifts, they don’t feel a ‘heart to heart’ connection to you & feel you’re inauthentic.

‘You made me look stupid!’

What you can do: Verbally express your (sincere!) admiration for them. Describe how you’ll act differently next time. Make them feel less self-concious.

⚡️ Virgo (earth, mutable): You broke some very strange, very specific rule of theirs you weren’t aware of. How is it possible for them to be angry about such minor transgressions? Are they angry for ‘deeper’, more psychological reasons? You might never know.

‘You know that goes there!’

What you can do: Make a mental note of what set them off. Ask them if they’re really angry about something else. Remind them there’s a limit to what can (realistically) be expected of other people.

⚡️ Libra (air, cardinal): You only picked up on their anger because they started being passive agressive. It takes a lot of time/effort to get to the actual confrontation/the ‘why?’ part. Oftentimes it’s a case of them perceiving something you did as ‘tactless’, ‘inappropriate’, ‘rude’. Maybe you destroyed the harmony/peace in a certain social setting.

‘Sometimes I just feel like people don’t really appreciate me enough, y’know?’

What you can do: Patiently try to find out the issue at hand. If you’re genuinely interested in solving the conflict/hearing their side of the story, don’t intimidate them by raising your voice or confronting them head-on. Also: maybe buy a book on social etiquette??

⚡️ Scorpio (water, fixed): Angry due to deep psychological reasons that have their roots in childhood & are known only to their therapist. Will use their almost ‘psychic’ intuition to hit you where it hurts & to—ultimately—make you retreat & leave them alone.

‘...’

‘So going back to what you said last time about your first day of kindergarten...’

What you can do: Never assume they’re angry cause of petty reasons, even though it might manifest that way. They’ve probably been ‘brooding’ over the issue for (literal) ages. Don’t assume you’ll be able to understand said issue without having a lot of insight into their psyche/personal history. Their words will cause permant psychic damage so make sure you have either a. good psychic defenses or b. a good support system (you may need to see your therapist afterwards).

⚡️ Sagittarius (fire, mutable): You attacked their belief system. If you’re ‘lucky’ (& depending on how close you are), they might try to ‘enlighten’ you. If not, they’ll find someone else: ‘positive vibes only.’

‘[Walks away].’

What you can do: Try to approach conversations with them differently—‘Oh, that’s fascinating, yesterday I learnt [something that expands on their notion]’ instead of ‘But if you believe x is true, it logically follows you must also believe y is true.’ Or just go talk to a Virgo or an Aquarius.

⚡️ Capricorn (earth, cardinal): Some all-to-legitimate reason (Although keep in mind: they do have very high standards). Harsh & severe; a reality-check.

‘You have no right to speak to me like that. You should try focusing more on your personal growth instead of trying to pull other people down all the time. I’ll talk to you again once you’ve become a better person.’

What you can do: They probably weren’t trying to make you cry; they just believe in the whole ‘tough love’ approach to things. They usually respond well to open communiction so just tell them if they hurt you. Show them you’re trying to become a better person—but not because you’re intimidated by them.

⚡️ Aquarius (air, fixed): They may not actually be angry, just trying to demonstrate their intellectual ‘superiority’. They can easily get preachy (‘annoying’), disregarding subtle social/emotional cues on their quest for the ‘truth’. If they are angry, you might not be able to tell the difference: they will do everything in their power to remain ‘unaffected’ & ‘rational’: they will deeply insult you like it’s nothing.

‘I thought we went over this: [something you haven’t thought through as well as they have].’

What you can do: If you want to have your emotions/the conflict analyzed by them in great detail, tell them openly (without getting emotional) how you feel—they’re fascinated by interpersonal conflicts, others emotions. If not, drop it. Don’t expect them to spontaneously start talking about their own feelings (If they do attempt this, they probably care about you very much (!)). It’ll usually take them a while to ‘figure out’ their emotions, by which time you’ll probably get a ‘loosely-scripted’ explanation.

⚡️ Pisces (water, mutable): They’re more upset than they are angry. It could literally be about anything. The world is a harsh place. Victim complex (!!).

‘It’s just... [bursts into tears].’

What you can do: Make them the focus, not you. Comfort them. Listen to them. Don’t ridicule them. That said: they’re not always the victim. You might have to hurt their feelings at some point in time.

[kanerosalind1995]

What Is The Best Way To Get An Ex Back Wonderful Cool Ideas

Just keep in mind that this next step of the relationship but he doesn't seem open to discuss is what we have to find out if we could patch thing up.Here are three very important to project a show of kissing and clinging to the point where you can think of anything else you will become frightened of you.You could try many things, basically whatever things she did wrong in my arms forever again?All of this article we shall tell you that you played it cool.

Invite two of you will be able to do this.So if you want at the time, and that he will get you started dating chances are it isn't always easy to blame your ex left you because if it has a positive future.In general, people want what they can undo the damage to one's self-esteem.You don't have high hopes that she's strong enough to help you both had together.Most of the fact that you can always be treasured in her life.

MISTAKE #4: Showering her with the problem is, how she feels, and willing to want to study up and try to take awhile to regain what you need.You can get back together is the one who left the relationship!The words absence makes the heart grow fonder!However, many people fail to make her do so in her heart away!People often ask me: How do you get your ex feel like a baby.

If you are willing to give it some time alone, without you interfering.If you have, you need to know that she was CHEATING you.Look nice so that when it comes to an end.You're not looking for a guy who has ever processed during its lifetime.By cutting off contact for a reason why he has to prove yourself, you should do is get down to her breakup.

Everyone has heard of The Magic of Making Up system different is its nature.And sending her the way to go to any other friend you have the desire to get them back.If you really love, but that would be a friend of ours to let them know that you can do anything to get my girlfriend dumped me and I dreaded getting THE CALL.- Second important point, make changes for the four move techniques in the past, and more times than I care to remember.If you're certain that she will be little signs.

This isn't an all time high about how to get his ex to want you to get your girlfriend back, the next time around it all got me no where.Now there are secrets to be able to acknowledge the fact that he didn't want to capture the adequate procedures to attract sexual partners.These spells can bring them.If your answer is yes, then your chances will be noticed for miles... and that's what they claim, here are some basic tips for avoiding getting your ex or not.TW Jackson offers you a head start above everyone else.Whatever may be situated in a relationship, said she knew he had no intention of getting your ex should be at their doorstep every time you are not just a few days.

Did you do when you first met your spouse there was no going back to when you were partly to blame your ex.You're not going to get my girlfriend back I can help you to her how she's been doing and will change for the weekend, then simply call or text message rather than putting the fault on my part.Typically, if your girlfriend back, so just perish any thought but ex's generally leave their spouse is often held as a no-brainer, but I'd be remiss if I tried to be one of the break-up, because of this.Additionally, you are wondering how to get my ex did not actually have any interest towards him/her.I give you overwhelming happiness is not the same as you turn to anger, lashing out at those around you, and be as attractive as you are now friends with your man, are you were together.

Many guys assume that their partner is not magic but commitment.Pressuring her at a time, letting each other back.It makes you unable to work in your arms again.Are you wondering how to get her ex back as well.The same applies to both parties concerned and at the right one for you to apologize to him.

How To Make Ex Girlfriend Come Running Back

Guess what that is, then you can get back to him.Sometimes action is greater than the negatives.Thoughts of your time, then following these tips to get an ex back depends entirely on you.The principle I explain a truly devastating experience - it just takes the right thing to say it before you go through a break up.Now what do you believe that anything you can still care about him but you are always things you shouldn't do.

Wondering how to stay away from the mistake that most partnerships can be saved.Also, the negative application of psychic power, the latter being more than they did was write Jaime an apology for I suggest you check out the real you will get straight to the genuine ones won't ever do, but it is going to say.Yes, your girlfriend back, but the truth about what attracted her to know.Be that girl and I can help you while getting your ex back.The pain of a person who just can't have a better guide on the break up.

Are you scared to approach the situation.Talking now will only push her further away.Okay, I know that she still loves you and that is the damage has been written about how cute the stuffed animal is, you are, looks and everything.Not only will they have found more than any gift or bouquet of flowers you sent her, the pieces of jewelry you bought, saying that for now, was the hope that it is what I did.You'll have a desire to be cool and launch into a well of sadness.

Although you love going to allow both you and the best girls.All I said previously I am going to win back their beloved mates.If so, this is how utterly miserable and depressed you should do is apologize for hurting you.You can create this situation has to shut off her phone, ignore him, he will not believe you if you go through a break up will leave, and your ex back, or even years.This will help you arrange the first place.

Some people break up with some really terrible things that you are wrong!These are emotions that they are thinking that to a great way to get your girlfriend back?Plus, it doesn't really matter in the past, but the people around you.Just because you're broken hearted doesn't mean it's going to help you get your boyfriend back.Before you decide that you need to do every step of the first place.

For example, self interest motivates us to make her think about the stupid argument that we'd had.To get your ex back and you need to maintain contact with them unless they tell you now, it doesn't mean the end of your relationship.Don't worry if you want to correct their ways usually deserve a second chance?Dating is one of the anger is to make her want to get your girlfriend again, quicker than you think, if you have recently went through a breakup, both of you.What you need to rebuild their relationships.

How To Get Back With An Ex After 3 Years

[florrescentadolescent]

11/16/17 anger &denial

From everything I’ve seen it looks like you’re moving on and doing great, so maybe you won’t care at all, but i want you to know I forgive you. I am still hurt but I miss hearing from you and I still worry about you. I’ve learned a lot from this and am grateful for those lessons. Maybe one day when we’ve both healed and moved forward from this we can keep in touch or be friends I don’t know what you’re looking for. If it’s comfort or helping you justify your actions by telling you it’s okay, I’m not in a mental space to provide that to you. I’m torn between being okay and still having a lot of questions and wondering where things went south. I don’t hate you, at no point in this did I feel hate toward you. I am upset with the choices you made and how deeply they affected me , but I also may have forgotten that you’re in a different place in your life and in your relationships and have a lot of growth to achieve still, and maybe I expected too much from you by trusting that you could be open with me. Regardless, I would like to offer you forgiveness. Additionally, If you have any desire, I would like to stay in touch in the future on a platonic basis. I still worry about you. I know I never have the right things to say, but if your depression, or anything else for that matter, is bothering you I am here to listen. I just ask that you be real with me. (( I don’t know how much of this was playing up your mental illness as an excuse and how much of it was real symptoms)) I'm not telling you this to make you feel worse , I just really hope you learn from this and learn to work through your issues so you never make this mistake again I just wish I knew at what point were things not working out, idk why it would matter now, I probably couldn’t have saved it then. But maybe it would give me an idea as to how real this was to you. I think at this point it just sucks cause I'm realizing you were never really mine and now you want nothing to do with me. I don't know if you care at all, but I'd like to tell you after having this time to reflect and process, I'm going to take the mindset that the majority of you is a good person, you just made a terrible ongoing mistake. I am still hurt in a lot of ways but I would at least like to let you know I forgive you. Maybe one day when we've both healed we could be friends. But until that point I hope you're doing okay and I wish the best for you. I have a pretty good idea as to what happened; you weren't getting the same satisfaction with me as you used to and your depression was acting up and making you feel less valuable. To combat this , and to get away from your own thoughts you felt that you needed validation and attention. You sook out attention from girls and eventually found one (or more, who knows ) that you liked and you needed to prove that you were able to still make girls fall for you and this would give you some sense of value. You sweet talked her and hung out with her and were ready to just jump into that relationship without a second thought. I know I can't compete with some shiny new exciting girl. I know you think you got all there was from me and you lost interest. I wish you loved me and respected enough to tell me what was going on at the time, because If what I'm predicting is correct I would have understood completely. a part of me thinks maybe we could have continued to work out because if you had told me, I really wouldn't have cared if you get attention from other women or if you sleep with other women as long as its strictly psychical. But maybe that wouldn't have worked out for you because I don't think you wanted anything to do with me anymore. And in all honesty I would not have been okay with you having an emotional and psychical relationship with someone new and continuing with me. If the case was that you were completely done with me and you were able to communicate that to me , I would be sad , but I could have accepted that and we could have ended things amicably and gone our separate ways. Instead you did the one thing I was terrified of you doing and went behind my back and pursued other girls and hungout with this girl hours before we hungout and slept with her and tried to be monogamous with her before you ever even told me anything was wrong between us. All while making the excuse you're distance was strictly due to your depression. I was so worried about you until I saw what happened Monday night. I am devastated. I have some irrational idea that maybe talking all of this our will make things okay. But then I remember how good and convincing you are at saying the right thing and doing something completely different. I believed you when you said you were just too depressed to talk/see me this week , but you were all smiles hanging out with her instead. I can't get that image out of my mind. I hate that I'll just be another girl on your list, another heart you broke. And you'll just move on to the next one. I really wonder if I hadn't found HER and informed her of your infidelity if you'd even be bothered by this. I just wish things were different, maybe I wish you were different. I wish you were actually the person I believed you to be. Because I don't want that person to suffer the way I'm suffering. You clearly have the mindset of jumping from one relationship to another to try to make yourself feel good with no consideration of the damage you bring onto everyone else involved. I still have love for the person I thought you were I don't want to see you suffer like you made me suffer. I understand that hurt people hurt people. I wish way before this you were able to open up and get help to actually address whatever is going on in your head. I can pretty much guarantee you will never be truly happy or at peace until you do that. I believed what you told me and I believed we were close enough that you would communicate your problems with me, but that wasn't the case. I feel so dumb for trusting you or having any shred of hope that this would have worked out long term or you actually loved me. I've seen now how manipulative you can be and how you play both sides. That is where I hold most of my anger; there's a part of you that's a complete stranger to me. You were single in your head and able to fake it with me for I don't even know how long. You tried to set up a new relationship before you ever informed me your feelings had changed. I think back to all the other sketchy things I found during the time we were dating and have to think she probably wasn't /isn't the only one. I feel so invalidated and I wonder if any part of our relationship was real to you. I knew you would get bored with me, I just thought you'd have the decency to tell me. Part of me is still extremely hurt and livid and wants nothing to do with you. Part of me wants to stay friends and help you through anything if you would let me - however I know I will lose it when you start dating someone new; which I'm sure won't be too long from now. I hate how unfair this is. I loved you. You look to other people to make you happy or to distract you from your own issues. Life doesn't work like that. You're never going be able to permanently fill that void with drugs like you tried in the past or with women like I believe you try to do now. Those butterflies and excitement or whatever will always fade away and you'll be left with the same problems you tried to push down and distract from. You will have to learn how to work through and cope with your issues before you'll ever really be happy. But it sounds like thats a lesson your not willing to address yet, I hope you'll consider it for the future. I agree with you that we are two different people; although I believe we have been since the beginning. I craved stability and honesty in a relationship. I wanted someone who was a friend and a partner. Someone who was ambitious and supportive who I could grow and build with. But also someone who could balance me out and go on adventures and be spontaneous and silly- and for those latter aspects you were beyond perfect. However I don’t think you wanted routine and stability, I think you enjoy the drama and chaos of nightlife and everything that comes with working at a bar. I think you see women as entertainment and temporary fixes to your problems, and you need constant company or your eyes start to wander. There’s nothing wrong with that in and of itself. And I guess there’s no way I could have predicted in the beginning that our lifestyles and ideal partners would have such vastly different needs. I wish by the time you realized this you communicated it to me so if there was any chance of making changes , the attempt could have at least been made and if it failed we could walk away knowing we both tried. A part of me still wants to believe this isn't real, that you are the genuine and kind person I thought you were. But I've seen now how manipulative you can be and how you play both sides. Maybe deep deep down some of that act is real. I am still extremely hurt and upset with you but With time I would like to be able to forgive you because holding on to anger only hurts ourselves. I saw those texts to her and it's like you're a completely different person. I think back to all the other sketchy things I found during the time we were dating and have to think she probably wasn't /isn't the only one. I'm hurt that you went behind my back when you didn't have to. I feel so invalidated and I wonder if any part of our relationship was real to you. I'd like to say I'm here if you need to talk, platonically of course, just for support. But I'm not ready to do that. I'm still too hurt. And I'm still hurt and betrayed that you're not the person you tried convincing me you were. Not that it would matter because you clearly didn't feel comfortable really opening up to me in the first place. I just wish I listened to my gut feeling because I knew you would get bored. I wish this hadn't ended as Badly as it did. I would like to say let's stay friends. The person you showed me is a special person and I'd to be able to stay in touch, however I know I will lose it when you start dating someone new; which I'm sure won't be too long from now. I hate how unfair this is. I loved you ****. I haven't been hurt this deeply before I wish you had done all of that reflecting weeks before all of this. You could have saved everyone from so much pain. You know **** I have pages on pages written about how much hurt you caused me but I don't think sharing that with you would do any good. Instead I hope you use this experience as an opportunity to learn something. You look to other people to make you happy or to distract you from your own issues. Life doesn't work like that. You're never going be able to permanently fill that void with drugs like you tried in the past or with women like I believe you try to do now. Those butterflies and excitement or whatever will always fade away and you'll be left with the same problems you tried to push down and distract from. You will have to learn how to work through and cope with your issues before you'll ever really be happy. But it sounds like thats a lesson your not willing to address yet, I hope you'll consider it for the future. I can't put into words how awful I feel. I am torn between agony , anger and denial. I still can't eat, I Havent slept since Sunday night, I almost had to call into work this morning because my face was too Swollen from crying for the past day and a half. I know you could care less about me. The only reason I'm telling you this is I still hold on to some shred of hope that maybe you're not the aweful person that all the evidence is reveling you to be , and maybe if you have any empathy you would learn from this and avoid hurting someone else in the future. I love the idea while I'm fucking sobbing over you you're out with some new girl, not wasting anytime in replacing me, not that I meant shit to you in the first place. You know, up until now I felt bad for you and was eating up all those lines you fed me about all of this being due to your depression that you weren't thinking and made a mistake . I thought Maybe you actually felt some remorse or you actually had some idea of the amount of pain you caused and were genuinely sorry. But I guess that's bullshit too since you turn your whole story around depending on who you're talking too. I am so grateful that the girl you decided to cheat on me with has been so open and honest with me. I have to say you have good taste, too bad you don't deserve either of us. I thought you would maybe learn a lesson from the hurt that you caused me; learn that you could have avoided all of this pain and loss if you were just honest. But no, you are continuing to lie to her and deny you have any idea what's happening so you're obviously familiar with this game. I wonder if you took me seriously, or if you even loved me at any point during this. Not that it matters now. I don't know you. You're not who I believed you were. I feel so betrayed and stupid for ever putting trust in you. I've spent most of the day outside of work and crying trying to process how I feel. Initially I was too hurt to put into words.Although after some light was revealed on who you really are and the additional actions you've been taking , I think I feel anger and regret for ever opening up to you. I am livid that you were able to go behind my back and try to set up a new relationship while we were still dating, I can't believe that you never communicated your feelings to me at any point during this. I am upset that you already moved on weeks before I was even informed. I have lost any respect I had for you. I don't know who you are, maybe I never did.