#i need to write for shiv ASAP

[muttsupreme]

LIPSTICK ON ROMAAAAANNNNNNNNN

him w this hair in s1……ROMAAAANNNN!!!!! bring back ur s1 hair and my life is yours..

I’ve written so many drafts previously (um obviously not here but privately) about Roman using your lipstick/lipgloss and most frequently, your chapstick.

It starts with him wanting to smell like you; vanilla lip masks that look way too sticky but he tries a little on his fingertip and rubs it on very lightly after you leave your desk. Shiv’s face scrunches up when she sees him with a glossy lip for the first time since she let him borrow her Polly Pocket makeup kit when they were kids (her mom got it for her before it was even released, and assumed she’d be so excited; she was not).

Shiv will make some snide quip, privately for once.

“Uhh, did you…just come back from Sephora, or…?”

“What?” He immediately goes on high-alert, higher defense, and realizes that it must be glossy, the fucking lip mask bullshit that smells like warm vanilla and cookies and tastes like pure sugar when he stupidly licks his lips without thinking (or maybe to hope, y’know, that your spit is in it, so it’s indirect kissing). “Oh - fuck you, do you want chapped, dry, disgusting lips? Because some of us don’t want to look like ogres, Fiona.”

“Hey, I was just asking,” she says in a higher pitch with a dismissive chuckle. She doesn’t mention it again; she recognized the smell, who that smell usually follows. Roman’s wary of her from then on, for weeks.

Next time, he’s going through your bag that you refuse to unpack, because it’s only a weekend trip and then you’re going somewhere else immediately after. Why unpack when you’re gonna repack the next day?

He sees stuff, tons of stuff. Sniffs sweaters when you turn around. He’s got your blanket pulled out already, draped across the bed and him, laying on his side looking at you as you get ready for bed in the ensuite bathroom, door open so he can continue making fun of your regiment and the things you’ve packed.

From your purse nearby, or your makeup bag, he picks up a lipstick (I imagine Diorelita). It opens with a quiet ‘pop’ that you recognize and turn around to see him looking attentively at the color.

“Think it suits me?”

“Mmh, maybe. Wanna see?” You reply with a grin, watching him get a little shy on you.

“C’mere,” you encourage him, sitting on his lap as he leans against the headboard, your lipstick in hand. “Lemme make you pretty.”

He lets you, and you’re shocked he’s staying so still. When you’re done, you snarkily - but entirely jokingly - say, “Now what do we say?”

“Fuck you? Thank you, for…making me pretty,” and he does, he’s very, very pretty with that color on, and you did very well gliding it on evenly. He leans up to kiss you just as you lean down to kiss him; the lipstick smears onto your lips.

“Roro - your lipstick’s getting on me,” you try to rub it off, unsexily. You don’t really have to be sexy around him, it’s one of your favorite things.

“Um, it’s your lipstick, I’m just…temporarily borrowing it,” he huffs defensively. His heart literally does fucking cartwheels when you call him that stupid, almost maternal nickname. “Just come here - shut the fuck up, stop complaining. I’d lick the lipstick off you if you’d just get a little - closer.”

“Aw, romantic boy,” you coo, kissing him sweetly and feeling his tongue stick out, lapping at your lips, making good on his promise like a little puppy. When you’re almost positive he must be done, you pull away, but he’s not having it.

“Whoa - slow your fucking roll, you’re not going anywhere, you look…you look like a clown, lipstick’s still all over everywhere,” he says, trying to get you to come back instead of going back to the bathroom. You’re pretty sure, not positive but willing to bet, that he’s lying and you have no lipstick left anywhere on your face.

“I’ll come back,” you reassure with a whisper; you hate to leave him alone when he’s being so sweet, with such pretty makeup on. “Aww, pretty baby,” you can’t stop yourself from cooing at the unintentionally pouty look on his face, one he’d be humiliated by if he saw. You give him a chaste peck.

“Jesus, give me a second to brush my teeth and pee and I’ll be back. Promise.”

“Yeah, but then you won’t taste like you, you’ll taste like…mint and tap water,” he complains. There’s no pleasing him, other than you being beside him at all times.

Okay whatever that’s just two of my many one billion ideas of Romulus and his obsession with…….indirectly kissing you, being pretty for you, being close to you, and um, your lips in general. I could and might write another little thought-post about his obsession with your lips and stuff, who knows. I’m feeling romantical (‘roman’ being the main part of the word).

[chaithetics]

I was rewatching season 3(the Kendall birthday episode) and I thinking, maybe Stewy and Porce are married, or other story of course; and the part where Ken takes the siblings to see the mocking pictures and it could have one of Porce and Stewy together and Kendall "jokes" about the "crying baby and the shark" and it really upsets her(as it should) and even the siblings are upset by this, and she just turns to him and says "this is why my kids are playing with their cousins(Sophie and Iverson) ,so they don't grow up like you" and goes away. I think that'd be powerful, because the kids have a true bond, Rava and Porce are true friends and Ken is a j*rk, and when Stewy finds out, there'll be a reckoning

Porcelain and the Shark: Too Much Birthday

Pairing: Stewy Hosseini x f (Roy) reader

(reader has anxiety, no use of y/n, physical descriptions or other names but does have the nickname Porcelain/Porce - due to family viewing her that way not because of her complexion)

Word count: 3.1K

Chapter warning: 18+ MDNI (smut-free fic) established relationship, fluff, soft Stewy, anxious reader, some familial angst, some cussing, some misogynistic views, Roys being Roys.

Authors note: Thank you so much for sending this in lovely Nonnie! It was such an inspiring ask, I hope you don't mind the few changes I made, please do let me know what you think! I adore you! I'm so glad to be out of hospital and after reading this prompt I was inspired to rewatch this S3 episode. I went a little off-track and I think this one is a bit different to other fics but I made the connection about the misogynistic tones with this and also the poster that Shiv had and saw it as a great opportunity to explore and develop Porce and Shiv's dynamic. Especially with all the asks about girlhood in film and then with the Barbie film re-prompting those conversations I just wanted to explore it even more (this doesn't have Barbie spoilers or mentions btw) so I finished it pretty quickly. It's nice to be back! I'm still pretty unwell despite being out of the hospital so I can't promise or commit to a writing schedule again yet but I'll definitely still be writing more Stewy (I've had a few Barbie inspired asks which I want to get around to asap as well haha). I appreciate you all and I hope you enjoy this! Please do let me know what you think, I'd really appreciate it! Comments, reblogs and asks are more than welcome and appreciated! I adore you all! 💗(PS this hasn't been proofread..."

*****************************

Kendall was sensitive, controlling, and obsessive. Which often manifested around certain significant events and moments in his life. It was a quality all of the Roy children seemed to share to an extent, you’d seen it in your siblings numerous times and even occasionally yourself. 

Kendall’s birthdays were often disastrous, he wanted perfection, he wanted to fill the hollowness inside with extravagance, validation and company. But it never quite was good enough, it was always disappointing and fell through somehow. You knew the self-created stakes would be even higher for Kendall as it was a ‘significant’ birthday along with the latest edition of family drama. Shiv’s letter had hit pretty hard and far. 

You weren’t sure if any of your siblings would go, probably Connor, loyal as always. Rome? Maybe? He had an interesting, pained soft spot for Kendall. Shiv…? You’d think she wouldn’t want to show after recent events but Shiv was cunning and clever. She could show up to play a mind game perhaps? Or maybe they’d show up on behalf of your dad to really get into Kendall’s head. Would your father even attend? You assumed he’d been invited. 

It was a lot of questions swirling around in your mind, you weren’t sure of any of those answers. Which was part of the reason why you were certain you needed to go, some visible and physical support for Kendall as you knew he’d be crumbling, you’d all been walking on eggshells your whole lives but the last few years for Kendall, they’d been getting more and more brittle. 

You feel a little anxious as you’re stuck so deep inside your head until a familiar and soft voice brings you back. 

“Where’d you go?” 

His tone is laced with neutrality and an air of caution but his face clearly says that he thinks this is all a bad idea. He looks at you sitting down, facing the mirror, he thinks you look gorgeous but he notices your legs bouncing now that you’re back in reality. 

“I was just thinking about Ken.” You try to keep your voice level, without a drop of any emotion. 

“We don’t have to go-” 

“No-”

“I don’t think we should go.” Stewy resigns. It’s at least the twelfth time he’s said it today. 

Stewy hadn’t RSVP’d, he hadn’t acknowledged his separate invitation to yours and had been somewhat silent regarding Kendall. Which was extremely unusual. He didn’t like the direction of the mess of Waystar’s strategic and boardroom politics and his relationship with your family personally and professionally was strained. 

You had to go to Kendall’s birthday to support him and you didn’t want to go alone. You felt bad about it but you and Stewy were both aware that the optics of Stewy being there was beneficial for Kendall’s sake. 

“I know.” You sigh as you shift a little so that your head is facing him more as you look up at him standing. “He needs this though…And I need you.” You walk over to Stewy, giving him a gentle peck on his soft lips. “Please?” You press your lips against his and wrap your arms around the back of his neck as it deepens, his tongue brushes against yours and your hand tangles a little in his hair as you feel his hands wrap securely around your waist. 

“We’ll just go for a little bit?” Your voice is soft as you break away from the kiss, you start to caress his cheek, your fingers dancing over his handsome beard that never ceases to amaze you with how well-trimmed and clean it is. Stewy tilts his head to gently lean his forehead against yours and nods as he inhales. 

“You’re too good to me.” You whisper as you give him another kiss on the lips, you can taste the whiskey on him from his drink that’s sitting across the room half-empty. He’s sweet and his touch is so gentle with you. 

“Well you’re perfect, you deserve nothing less baby.” He says as he gives you a quick but soft kiss on the lips. “Now, am I matching my turtleneck to what you’re wearing?” He asks with a smug smile. You laugh a little at that and nod, giving his cheek another stroke and then a quick peck on his lips before he squeezes your side and then walks over to the walk-in wardrobe. 

****************************

You’d always been anxious about the concept of nannies and babysitters and when those services had been needed you’d preferred to have Connor (when possible) and Stewy’s family watch your children. But you trusted Rava with your life, you adored her and you knew she adored Sophie and Iverson more than anything. So with her reassurance, your children were with their cousins and would be looked after by Rava’s nanny. Sophie had been loudly looking forward to some quality time with her younger cousins which was sweet. 

Those thoughts and the anxiety you’d had quickly left your mind though as you and Stewy walked into the venue and through what you were horrified and shocked to learn was a model of Caroline’s vagina. 

“Do you think he talked to her about…this…?” You asked Stewy with widened eyes as you waved your hand around gesturing to the bizarre scene of a campy body horror film in front of you. 

“No.” Stewy said as his eyes flitted across the room once again to take in the nurses, surgical equipment and very briefly, a “replica” of his mother-in-law's vagina. It was beyond reason, even for Kendall. “They don’t talk in the first place.” He spoke as his hand wrapped around your waist a bit tighter, pulling you in closer as he then navigated you both towards the bar. Stewy was certain alcohol would be necessary to make this night bearable, it was inevitable that someone would blow up.

As you and Stewy stand by the bar waiting for your drinks a man comes over, you don’t think you’ve seen him before and you’re not the biggest fan of the smug expression on his face as his eyes hone in on you. 

“Hey, I’m Kyle.” He says boldly, Stewy’s right next to you with his hand on the small of your back. Your ring is visibly on your finger. You’re kind of surprised at the audacity of him, especially with Stewy right next to you. You look at him a bit confused, hoping he’ll end it but his smile persists. “So what’s your name?” 

You say your first name as Stewy wraps his arms around you, leaning against your back with his head on your shoulder, making a point. 

“Shit, you’re a Roy?!” Kyle asks, you see the flash of excitement in his eyes at that prospect. It grosses you out. 

“Hosseini Roy.” You say somewhat firmly, as Stewy quirks an eyebrow and then starts to press some kisses to your shoulder and your exposed neck. 

“Right, where’s your husband Ms Roy?” Kyle asks. You don’t know if he’s a stupid asshole or an arrogant one but you know for sure he’s one either way. You feel Stewy chuckle a little at that as the movement of it and its breath tickles your neck. 

“The international space station-” You dramatically quip, and Stewy stops his kisses for a moment to laugh at that against your neck. This stranger is being ridiculous and so you may as well if he’s going to be so oblivious, it just so happened to be convenient that Tillie really liked space books and toys at the moment. 

“That must be lonely-” Kyle cuts you off and the smirk on his face is too much. You scrunch your face up at him in annoyance. 

“Can’t you see that my husband is here? Literally right here?! The whole time you’ve been doing this. Why the cuss did my brother invite you?” You ask with an eye roll as you take Stewy’s hand and walk off before Kyle has a chance to say anything else.

“What a douche.” You say as you lean your head against Stewy’s arm. He pecks a kiss to the top of your forehead with a grin on your face. 

“You handled that impeccably.” He says with a small chuckle. 

“Well, your act was pretty good.” You say moving your hand to rest against his back and trace patterns there. 

“The international space station, I’ve never been. Do you think it has some villas with good views?” He asks playfully.  

“Possibly. I don’t think we should invest in space tourism or realty though.” You answer and he laughs. 

“Does Tillie think I’m an astronaut?” He asks, thinking about Tillie’s fascination with space. 

“No. She’s never said it and I haven’t told her that. But I do think our children are far too young to understand the financial market.” 

“You sure? I’d understand if you were worried Jonathan was going to mansplain stocks to you.” Stewy teases, as he presses another kiss to your head as you scoff. 

“We’ll leave the mansplaining to you, darling.” You say tilting your head up from his arm to press a kiss to his lips, they’re soft and warm. He looks at you with a large smile. 

It’s not long after that that somebody who knows Stewy through work comes over and the three of you have a conversation for a few minutes, you’re pressed into Stewy’s side with his arm around you. You tilt your head and then you see Shiv and Roman coming in and then there’s Ken. 

You’re stuck inside with a hit of worry at first, you look at your handsome husband as he’s mid-sentence talking to this finance bro that you’re not the biggest fan of but who is considerably less gross than Kyle. As Stewy finishes his sentence you quickly cut in placing a hand gently on his cheek, he leans into the touch and looks into your eyes affectionately. 

“Sorry, Kendall’s over there, I’m going to go over. I’ll find you after okay?” You ask. 

“Yeah, of course, baby.” He nods and your lips brush for a quick affectionate kiss, you apologise to the man that you’ve been in a conversation with who nods as you walk off. 

You walk over to where three of your siblings are discussing and come over when you hear Shiv saying she couldn’t find a card that said “Happy birthday” and “Get well soon” You look at her with a somewhat pointed expression, she shrugs slightly and raises her eyebrows at you. 

After he hugs Shiv, Kendall’s eyes land on you and he smiles. You can tell that he’s glad Shiv and Roman came, even if they’re biting him. It makes you sad but you’re glad that he at least has some solace in that. There’s a bit of banter and you do raise your eyebrows when Roman asks about the vagina replica. When he does his little pleased expression and gesture at being told he can take it home you glare at him. 

“Roman!” You exclaim and he smirks at you. 

When Shiv asks if Stewy is there, there’s a pointed look from her, some smugness and a pointed look from Kendall but it’s different. It’s more desperate. You nod. 

“Yeah, uh- Stewy’s here. He was talking to some finance bro. He’ll come over soon Ken. I just wanted to say hi first” You say. You’re not sure if it’s a half-lie or not yet. But you know it’s better for Kendall’s sake for you to say it, he nods at that and there’s a look in his eyes that you can’t read but boy does it worry you. Shiv drops a few more names and it’s very clear that she and Roman showed up to use it as a business opportunity. 

“Hey, I got something to show you. This way. This way!” Kendall says somewhat excitedly and then walks ahead with the Roy siblings following him. 

You watch Roman hand Kendall an envelope and after that he retreats back a bit for Shiv to go ahead of him, you raise your eyebrows at him and he raises them back at you. 

“Please tell me you’re not stirring the pot?” You ask quietly as you walk side by side. 

“I’m not- it’s nice- it’s nice. It’ll be good for Ken.” Roman says, his tone is earnest which surprises you. 

Kendall then grabs your attention by talking about what he’s going to show you, you recognise some of the names and you’re intrigued by whatever it is based on that and Kendall’s imagination. 

You walk into a room that’s being used as an art gallery space. As you walk in your eyes are immediately assaulted by the fictional headline of Roman. Roman’s response is more upbeat and amused than the tone of his voice or his facial expression. You can see it in his eyes, he’s retreated somewhat and he seems to get lost the longer he looks at it. Everyone knows of his intimacy issues and it’s cruel to point them out in this way you think. 

You look at Shiv’s and you just feel angry. It’s a pit in your stomach of fire and you don’t feel this way often, it’s an odd feeling but it’s strong. Connor gets angry with Kendall over his and you understand that but you’re more focused on this. What was Kendall saying? Adding more stigma and cruel jokes onto sex workers? Shaming his sister for her sexuality? Reducing her to just an anti-feminist sex joke? 

Shiv’s bobbed around hers and then her eyes land on your one. You turn, already upset at Shiv’s as you clock her shocked gaze at yours before you get a chance to look at it, to process it. 

It’s an image of you from your childhood as a baby, it’s been digitally altered so that you’re a baby and you’re in shark-infested waters. You read the headline and comments and feel tears forming in your eyes and they’re hot. Your eyes flit between yours and Shiv, Shiv’s doing her best to hide her discomfort. 

Shiv looks at you, her eyes silently saying “I can’t say anything.” And she can’t. You know that. Each step of hers is a careful calculation to avoid the emotional, hormonal, overbearing, hypersensitive, incompetent woman accusations they already throw at her. Whether it’s unspoken or spoken, and it’s both, they all say her head is unfit for that coveted heavy crown. 

As a woman, sister, and mother, it’s already there. Your fate, reputation, and purpose. You’re emotional, a crybaby, sensitive and hormonal. But unlike your siblings, and well Shiv, you do not need nor want that tragic fate that they all betray each other for. While there is a sting in providing them ammunition for those perceived claims from your actions and words, it won’t kill you in the same way. You give Shiv a small nod, a silent “I know.” That is only for her. 

“What the absolute fuck Ken?” You ask, he looks at you with raised eyebrows. 

“What?” He asks with a chuckle. 

“What the fuck is this?” You ask gesturing behind you to the large images of you and Shiv in your brother’s eyes. 

“It’s a joke, c’mon you don’t need to uh get so emotional about it-” He says and you let out a humourless laugh at that. 

“Kendall?! This is disgusting! You’ve reduced Shiv to ‘wife of Tom Wamsgams’ yes, because that’s all she is?! A wife? Oh, and it’s an embarrassing joke to say she’s a sex worker?! So your Times Up campaign is just strictly performative? Mr Fuck the Patriarchy is actually a SWERF trying to humiliate his sister and women for an already stigmatised career? And this is coming from the fact that Shiv has a sexuality…?” You question, he looks at you, not saying a word. Shiv stands near you watching you carefully, as Roman looks down uncomfortably and Connor and Willa stand together tensely. You’ve never spoken out like this against any of them. 

“And what is this?” You exclaim as you point to the image behind you. “I’m your sister, you’re meant to care about me. Not infantilise me like that and make cruel, perverted jokes about my marriage. It’s sick Kendall. Stewy and I are there for our kids- we probably see Sophie and Iverson more than you do. This is why they’re close and Rava and I work so hard with them all, so they don’t end up doing this.” You breathe out shakily for a second, Connor looks at you sympathetically, Shiv is still silent but she’s grateful for everything being said. The tears are hot and burn your cheeks where they stay. “You have no idea what it’s like and you’re part of the problem. This is just cruel and it all reeks of so much fucking misogyny. I’ve-I’ve defended you. I’ve defended and supported you my whole life- I didn’t, I didn’t even sign that letter because it was harsh and cold but this is misogynistic and disgusting. This is just so mean and gross.” You finish.

“Fuck off.” Kendall says, it’s somewhat playfully, he has a smirk on his face but it doesn’t reach his eyes. 

“I can’t do this Ken, I can’t. You need to reflect on this and just do better. For us, Rava, Sophie. Just everyone.” You sigh out as more tears come, there’s nothing else to say to him and you’re ready to leave.

Shiv looks at you again, it’s not a scowl or an attempt at nonchalance. It’s also not a smile but her facial expression has softened. There’s another silent conversation, one that surprises you both as they often happen with every other sibling you have except each other. For you both, it’s a moment of understanding. It’s a genuine thank you and the usual, unusual display of Roy love and affection. You both do care about the other and you’re bonded in the impossible difficulties of being a woman. A brief few seconds of sisterhood are shared between you both. For possibly the first time, and even though you both know Shiv may never see you as more than competition due to her nature and your upbringing, you hope it’s not the last time. 

You nod looking at her, giving her a small, tight-lipped smile and then leave the room to find Stewy. Shiv watches you leave and gives your quickly retreading silhouette a small smile.

[endgameinthenorth]

SPOILERS FROM FILMING OF FUTURE EPISODES. Maybe?

Shipping rose colored spectacles (mostly) off...

After giving it some more thought, Greg probably will be told to fire Tom. From what I remember from chatter during filming — I can't recall where I read this — there's a scene with Kendall asking Greg something and after some indecision he runs out after Kendall and agrees. The person reporting on it only had a general gist of the scene.

Maybe Shiv reveals her fight with Tom or that she's pregnant to her siblings and Kendall takes a page from Roman and decides to drop Tom ASAP and asks Greg to do it. Just recently it was revealed that the pregnancy was written into the plot when they had already filmed multiple scenes, it really doesn't bode well for the overall thought process behind Shiv's pregnancy this season and I wonder if it will actually be revealed to Tom or have any significance to the end of the character arcs. It's coming off as sloppy writing atm.

But back to Tom, him being fired would explain Matthew's reported absence in filming at Logan's funeral if he's just been kicked to the curb by the entire family and/or stages some kind of last minute ATN coup (I could see Greg firing him pushing him over the edge).

BUT. What then.

Is it really all to just complete some evil!Greg arc? and maybe somehow subsequently bring down the company? After three seasons of build up is their plot going to be dropped after finally aligning together at the end of last season and having no proper scenes together before the show ends? That would be, not even from a shipping perspective, after having lost their entire momentum, poorly executed.

NB did say to believe in Greg, and even Greg in episode 7 didn't like being painted as a bad guy in firing people... But I lost a lot of faith in Tom and Greg going canon when I found out there was only this one season left, I really thought season 4 would wrap up Tom and Shiv's divorce — as it is — and we needed a season 5 to properly delve into Tom and Greg and what they have going on.

The fact that we're not getting that fifth season had really dashed my hopes until season four opened on the Disgusting Brothers. I do think we have a chance still because of that plot line being enacted behind the scenes prior to the season airing. It feels like something that was added in for a purpose and will need to be addressed during the weeklong timeframe in the show.

In my mind we either are having a crazy sex scene between them in episode 8 when the Disgusting Brothers gets hashed out during all the election/firing chaos, and/or we are having an open ended relationship by the end of the series that may never even bother touching on all the prior build up in the series.

[tomwambsmilk]

obsessed with how nondescriptive but also intriguing 'emails' is. what emails tell me about them

Ooh emails!! I have such a soft spot for emails even though I haven't worked on it in a while. Basically, I started writing this after doing the math on the fact that Tom sent the 67 emails to Greg on the first night of his honeymoon, because, first off, hello???? But also because, as hysterical as that concept is, the more I thought about it the sadder I actually got - there had to be a lot going on there, emotionally.

So, I started writing the 67 emails. Or, what I thought might be in the 67 emails. (And technically more than 67 emails, because Tom sent 67 emails, but if Greg replied then we're actually looking at 130+ emails.)

I'll share a snippet from the very beginning, but I'm just gonna copy-paste under a readmore, because it's a bit of a longer snippet:

To: ghirsch@waystar.com From: twambsgans@waystar.com Date: March 11, 12:14pm Subject: You can’t make a Tomlette without breaking some Greggs

Hey Greg,

Shiv and I are halfway to the yacht in Boca already, and let me tell you, the views are a thousand times better than anything we had in England.

Anyways, there are a few things that are gonna need to be taken care of while we’re on honeymoon, and frankly you, Gregory, my right-hand-man, my Alexander Hamilton, are the only one I can trust to maybe possibly get this right, so:

Jenkins has been giving me the run-around on updated park attendance numbers for a full month now. Clearly they are not good, because at this point it goes beyond negligence and into obstruction, and I’m going to have to rip into him when I get back. BUT to do that I need the actual numbers - so, Greg, I need you to harass him into coughing them up. Camp outside his office. Stalk him. Intimidate him with your freakish physical length. Threaten to poison his dog. (Kidding! …..unless?) If anyone gives you shit show them this email and tell them I sent you. And then once you have them, send them to me ASAP, alright?

Our dog-walker is great, but she’s never handled Mondale alone for this long before and frankly Mondale is too important to me to leave in the hands of a virtual stranger. I need you to go over there once a day and make sure he’s okay. Make sure he looks fed and happy and whatever else. The doorman knows you well enough by now that he should let you in.

Keep an eye on Kendall for me. I don’t know exactly what’s going on, there, but I don’t want to get back and find out he’s fucked me in my sleep somehow. I need intel, Gregory. Be my eyes on the ground, pig-man.

Also, keep your calendar free for the 26th (the Monday after Shiv and I get back) because you and I are going out. You like Italian, right? I’m guessing you must if you can stomach whatever CPKs terrible excuse for linguini must taste like. Friend of mine recommended a really good place that opened up a few months ago - super exclusive.

Tom

From: twambsgans@waystar.com To: ghirsch@waystar.com Date: March 11, 12:52pm Subject: Re: You can’t make a Tomlette without breaking some Greggs

Jesus, Greg, you really need to learn to be more responsive. What, are you dead? I know you’re not that hungover because you looked fine this morning. I’m pretty sure you ate enough of those congealed eggs to feed a small army of wild horses. (Enjoy that metabolism while you can, by the way).

Anyways, our helicopter pilot keeps trying to tell us fun facts about Boca. Fact: did you know that if these helicopters had removable windows, I might jump out one? Seriously ridiculous. I really just want to get to the yacht so Shiv and I can get down to business ;)

Let me know when you see this, and also change your push notifications so you see my emails before I grow a beard and die of old age.

Tom

From: twambsgans@waystar.com To: ghirsch@waystar.com Date: March 11, 1:05pm Subject: Re: You can’t make a Tomlette without breaking some Greggs

Greg, if you are dead you have a legal obligation to me, as your employer, to let me know.

Tom

From: twambsgans@waystar.com To: ghirsch@waystar.com Date: March 11, 1:23pm Subject: Re: You can’t make a Tomlette without breaking some Greggs

Is this about yesterday morning? If it is, that’s both incredibly petty and unprofessional of you. You really need to learn to control your feelings in a professional working environment.

Tom

From: twambsgans@waystar.com To: ghirsch@waystar.com Date: March 11, 1:29pm Subject: Re: You can’t make a Tomlette without breaking some Greggs

For the record, I get that I probably shouldn’t have pushed you down like that. I know you were trying to help, even if it was an incredibly shitty thing to bring up.

Still, you don’t need to be an asshole about it.

Tom

From: ghirsch@waystar.com To: twambsgans@waystar.com Date: March 11, 1:32pm Subject: Re: You can’t make a Tomlette without breaking some Greggs

Sorry Tom, I really wasn’t expecting any emails from you today, lol. I’ve been packing and shit, didn’t bother to check.

Re: the Kendall thing, I think something’s up with him? He seemed really out of it this morning. He might’ve been coming down from something, though, so idk. He went into Logan’s office, then came out and got in the plane and took off. Haven’t seen him since.

And yeah, I can harass Jenkins. I’m not gonna poison his dog though. His dog is actually really cute. (Not as cute as Mondale though <3)

I’m not mad about yesterday or anything. Does this mean we’re good? I do feel bad about bringing it up, I guess it was kind of a shitty thing. I guess I thought that I would want to know? But tbh I think I was probably mistaken. I had a few drinks and a joint and I probably didn’t know what I was seeing. So I’m sorry about that, and I hope we’re good.

Greg

From: ghirsch@waystar.com To: twambsgans@waystar.com Date: March 11, 1:35pm Subject: Re: You can’t make a Tomlette without breaking some Greggs

Also Shiv is my cousin man. It’s kinda weird when you talk about her like that.

Greg

From: twambsgans@waystar.com To: ghirsch@waystar.com Date: March 11, 1:43pm Subject: Re: You can’t make a Tomlette without breaking some Greggs

Hey Greg,

Good to know you aren’t dead, fuckwad. Push notifications, ever heard of them? I know you’ve got the nepotism thing on your side, but you do need to step up your game if you want to get anywhere at Waystar.

Also, good to know about Kendall… Honestly, I can’t figure that guy out. Is he super competent or a burnout? He might be an evil genius, or he might be a rejected daddy’s boy. You’d think it would make him more interesting, but it’s really just irritating.

And yeah, we’re good Greg.

Tom

From: twambsgans@waystar.com To: ghirsch@waystar.com Date: March 11, 1:46pm Subject: Re: You can’t make a Tomlette without breaking some Greggs

For the record, though, you weren’t wrong.

Tom

From: ghirsch@waystar.com To: twambsgans@waystar.com Date: March 11, 1:50pm Subject: Re: You can’t make a Tomlette without breaking some Greggs

Oh. Sorry about that, man. That’s kinda rough. I’m guessing you guys worked it out, though?

Greg

From: twambsgans@waystar.com To: ghirsch@waystar.com Date: March 11, 1:58pm Subject: Re: You can’t make a Tomlette without breaking some Greggs

You trying to pump me for information, Greg? Get my dirty secret out so that you have leverage on me. “Oh, Tom, I would help you out, but maybe then I’d have to tell everyone that you’re a cuckold.” Fuck off, man.

Tom

From: ghirsch@waystar.com To: twambsgans@waystar.com Date: March 11, 2:05pm Subject: Re: You can’t make a Tomlette without breaking some Greggs

No? I just wanted to know if things were okay, but whatever. Have a good honeymoon, I guess.

Greg

From: twambsgans@waystar.com To: ghirsch@waystar.com Date: March 11, 2:28pm Subject: Re: You can’t make a Tomlette without breaking some Greggs

Yeah, things are fine, Greg. We have a whole arrangement worked out, it’s very modern and exciting.

Tom

From: twambsgans@waystar.com To: ghirsch@waystar.com Date: March 11, 2:40pm Subject: Re: You can’t make a Tomlette without breaking some Greggs

See, the thing about love, Greg - traditional love, I mean - is that it’s bullshit. It’s all bullshit! It’s pablum made to sell magazines and lipstick and flowers and all sorts of garbage. Hell, we use it to sell news and theme park rides and movies and whatever else. But it’s not real. Of course it’s not real! But dumb fucks from hicktown want it to be real, so they believe it’s real, and they get into “traditional” marriages and lock themselves down with one person, and pretend that what they feel is love and not fear, jealousy, revenge, and a whole host of messy shit. But they’re lying to themselves, really.

Honestly, Greg, you’re pretty young so you might not get this, but you will eventually. The closest thing to this fake idea of love is really just - a partnership. Two people who get each other, and they like hanging out together, and maybe they have a plan or a strategy and they can work together to push each other into the positions they want to be in. Or maybe they pull each other up, I don’t know, I haven’t fully worked through the metaphor. But this whole “let’s just fuck one other person forever” bullshit, that’s just a recipe for misery. That’s not how people were meant to be.

So yeah, Shiv and I have an arrangement, and to be honest it’s a lot closer to the ideal of “true love” than any of those other dumb fucks have, because we know the truth. And we have a plan, and we get each other, and really that’s all you need.

Tom

From: ghirsch@waystar.com To: twambsgans@waystar.com Date: March 11, 2:52pm Subject: Re: You can’t make a Tomlette without breaking some Greggs

As long as you’re happy, Tom.

Greg

From: twambsgans@waystar.com To: ghirsch@waystar.com Date: March 11, 2:53pm Subject: Re: You can’t make a Tomlette without breaking some Greggs

Of course I’m happy, Greg. Why the fuck wouldn’t I be?

Tom

[baereaved]

All of the odd-numbered OC asks!! >:3c

u devil~ thank u for all the asks omg

send me some oc questions~

1. Your first OC ever?

kairos. i think. probably.well in all honesty i had plenty of self-inserts before him OTL OTL OTL but i think  he was the first proper oc i madei might just think he was first bc he was the first one i hallucinated, but eh. he’s been around a good while

3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else?

i haven’t omgstraight up didn’t know that was even, like, a thingsomeone let me adopt ur child

5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be?

screamsmorgan, probablyi mean u can’t rlly know morgan w/o knowing the other dozen ppl in his universe anyways sOplus he’s adorable and important to me, so who better, reallyi feel like he’d be the one i’d write about if i was gonna, like, make a book or webcomic or smth

7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories?

in the sense that i’ve made them up, then yesand in the sense that some of them are ocs for other actual stories, then also yesin the sense that i’ve ever written anything for them, absolutely noti’m way too lazy to write OTL OTL OTL

9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else?

i mean someone can take catboy if they really want them like they were a Mistakebut for the most part i quite like having them all to myself lolololol

11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”?

jesúswhich makes sense, considering his namesakein my mind when i made him i was like “if ur gonna name him jesus u can’t be givin him all the perfect traits like he still needs flaws and things” and then that just. didn’t happenhe is sweet and gentle and quiet and kindand also he’s traumatized and terrified of acting out and he screams in his sleepbc i’m a terrible person and i love to torment my smol kids

13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs?

god, all of themcielle, notably, since she will fuck u up and also. winters. she’s literally my dgm oc whose general is winters and they get along terrifyingly well, so. yes.also katrina and benji and dessa and hendrik and reese and rien and nyla and listen, i could go on

15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people?

yes, absolutelyi also enjoy it when ppl tell me abt their ocs, mostly so i can grill them for oc info lololol

17. Any OC OTPs?

jesús and luc, dessa and shiv, olivia and ekundayo, rien and the sweet embrace of deathi rlly need more couples so, like, subject to change

the rest are under the cut~

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

i don’t think i even could pick oneumi haven’t mentioned enlil yet, i suppose, and i mean? he’s not very developed, but he brings me an indescribable amount of peace when i talk/think about him, soi’m not actually sure if it’s okay for me to use that name, but eh. if not people can yell at me and i’ll change it. names are hard sometimesbut anyways i don’t have much of anything on him? he’s deaf. generally pretty calm and relaxed. like shiv, except actually a good personidk what it is abt him, he just?? puts me at peace? makes me feel good? like i only made him last year but he’s like, the personification of what nostalgia feels likeso he’s really important to me just bc of how comforting he is. like just thinking abt him could probably get me out of an anxiety attack

21. Your most artistic OC

santa is my nameless oc (as in, the game. he clearly has a name) so 1. he is art and 2. he is an artist himself lol, mostly a painterhelena is pretty artistic too, and is a sculptor

23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like?

already answered~

25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?)

listen okay all of them started out as self-inserts. all of them. they’re all at least partially based off me.i’ve been thinkin abt this for an hour and i still can’t come up with anything OTL i’m p similar in different ways to all of them, so i’ll have to leave it at that lol

27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song?

already answered~

29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going?

nyla, for fun, and benji, bc he’s Cool and Edgy and mr. survivalist who would probably be an actual detective if he wasn’t, like, 14

31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really)

i was gonna talk abt my bae rosaire here but he’d be a youtuber, somona is my edgy 13 yr old bab who would probably have a blog full of anarchist shit and different alternative rock lyric postsalso, she’d be part of that shoplifting side of tumblr

33. Your shyest OC?

rosetta nicoletteshe’s the softest and purest and everyone needs to protect her

35. Any sibling characters?

pollux and isabela……i think that’s it. i need more siblings asap

37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human

santa’s a doll. dessa and shiv are a demon and angel, respectively. i have a couple other angel charas too that don’t have names yet but are gorgeous, so |D also all my space charas aren’t human. opluxx is an ogre. i think. catboy is self-explanatory.

39. Introduce any character you want

ekundayo is my beautiful bab and also olivia’s long-distance gfi haven’t done a ton of development on her but i love her bc listen they’re one of those relationships where olivia is literally the most stoic intense fucker around who will kill u and ekundayo is the purest and softest around everyone but then u see them together and olivia’s obviously happy and totally whipped by her sweet but also unexpectedly dom gf and i love them, okay

41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!)

well. yes, but we had a falling out since then, so i feel it’d be wrong to post it herei’d love to see some more fanart of my ocs~ i should commission smth from someome sometime

43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess

already answered~

45. A character you no longer use?

o'malley johnson, valentia, kiriko and akumukiriko and akumu were my old bleach ocs, o'malley johnson was just a kickass dude, and valentia was my stereotypical yandere childsimce i don’t care for bleach anymore and i don’t have universes for valentia or o'malley johnson, i haven’t done much w/ them, but i still like the last two

47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child?

i don’t think so? maybe. hmu

49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes

god, rienrien would be the worst anti-sjw shitty memelord and i ha te