#i need to reread so bad. itd fix me

[kideternity]

Darkknightmon (at least in the Xros Wars manga, idk his show version) is like genuinely one of the most like uncomfortable characters (in terms of like well written characters) in all of Digimon to me but it’s one of those things where despite how skin crawling he is I can’t get myself to like genuinely hate the guy since part of why he’s uncomfortable to witness is from this sense of secondhand embarrassment due to all of his violently self destructive actions and it just. leaves me at the end of it all feeling deeply bad / deeply bad for him

[skipcount1]

I was rereading tmrlg as I do because it’s the love of my life and I has new stuff to ramble about

So Ponk is a nymph, and he can ‘body-share’ which I’m assuming is very taboo because it means you can control someone (and I’m assuming the fear of it has blown it all out of proportion) which I’m assuming is even more taboo b/c crimson mind control. So she don’t want peeps to know

Im so excited to see punz/boomer reaction to Ponk healing Gumi. Also if they put anything together about velvet

Also extending on my previous theory re: ponk loosing foot b/c healing velvet

- @cool-new-side-blog

So Ponk can’t really bring people back. I’m assuming velvet either got really close to death or had just died. Ponk didn’t have her tree. So sacrifice foot to get the power to heal velvet?

oooorgh you need to stop asking really good questions i have no filter and the overwhelming urge not to spoil anything and it makes it SO HARD to answer thigns

honestly i hadnt even thought about pok being abel to control people through bodysharing. if they can, theyre definitely not aware of it, and itd be something very minor partially bc i dont wanna make them too op and partially because itd SUCK on ponks end. bodysharing with someone feels weird on both ends - like, if gumi had known ponk was bodysharing wiht her (or had been coherent enough to like... feel it) she would've felt that something was off. like it makes ponks spirit feel to-the-left but it makes whoever he's bodysharing with feel three-steps-back. both participants aren't quite in their bodies, so trying to control someone would be like trying to pull a remy ratatouille while in a sensory deprivation tank.

beyond like. REAL concerns i think ponk keeps the bodysharing a secret just because its awkward and hard to explain. like if you were talking to someone and you were like "hey yeah man just gotta... inhabit your body for a bit dw its all good its good for your health" no matter what they'd be like "hey what the fuck???" and real concerns-wise i think that like. if you can invade someones body pretty much without resistance from them youre gonna inspire a witchhunt. like yeah sure ponk cant do anythign HARMFUL with it but thats some dudes body hes in. what if she was like "ooooo you wanna give me your credit card information sooooo bad ooooo" and subliminally effected their thoughts. does she deserve to steal someone's credit card? fuck yeah but thats generally frowned upon and also not-very-neutral of her lmao

also ngl im not entirely sure how ponks tree works with the healing kekw i am. literally making this shit up as i go. it definitely nullifies some of the harming effects of healing, though - its like.... mmmm this isnt a perfect metaphor but like if you gotta sustain a certain amount of burns (we're in saw, i guess???? not like... killer burns. like 20 first degree burns.) and you can choose between burning only half your body or all of it, its gonna be way more damaging to put it on half because now HALF your body is out of commission. if you spread it out over the rest of your body, its still gonna fuckin suck, but it's not condensed yknow? so when ponk heals without his tree, its like putting all those burns on half his body, but when he heals with it, its all over, and he has the added bonus of like.... default dissociation with half of the burns since he isn't actively in his tree all the time. his tree takes on some of the damage.

okay fuck it i AM spoilering bc now brain go brrrr so ignore the rest if you dont want minor spoilers

okay so ponk healed gumi's back. she

set and healed bones - broken and chipped

healed muscle

restored skin

treated burns

pushed out remaining shrapnel (which she isnt aware of)

(gumi's injury was nasty and it fucking sucked, but she was stable. if ponk had the equipment and the confidence, they could've fixed her up without healing her, but it would've left her incapacitated for so long that even if ponk thought they were capable of healing her manually, she would've been sorted into the "heal with ability" category. like.... it was BAD, but due to gumi's own regenerative abilities, it wasn't life threatening with proper treatment.)

in the next chapter ponk wakes up with a MASSIVE headache and she feels scorched out. like, it fucking sucks, and she's going to be fatigued and have some fairly bad headaches for a week or so, but it'll be manageable.

if he hadn't had his tree, he would've been completely incapacitated for over a week. (cannot elaborate for plot >:(((.) his healing is essentially just ...giving, so it takes a while for him to get himself back.

and thats an injury that technically wasnt life threatening :D velvet got it bad :D

[isp-annafer]

so, does seth manage to save ashe's brother from being executed? how does he feel about the church trying to pin the blame for duscur onto the lonatos, especially on such a superficial level?

Oh boy this got long cuz i got rambling thoughts

---

okay so from what I can remember, the church pinned the blame for duscur on friends and christoff? Christoph? I forgot how his name was spelled, anyway because the Kingdom wasnt doing a very good job at calming everyone down after the assassination of their king and queen consort. A mess all around. Nobles vying for more power in the resulting vacuum. People thirsting for revenge since it seemed like King Lambert was loved. Rampant chaos of a leaderless nation trying to fix itself up.

Anyway, C and his friends were actually caught because they tried to assassinate rhea. Now, why they would do that, i have no idea. I read somewhere that maybe they blamed Rhea for the while Duscur mess, which is an interesting thought. Like maybe C joined the beginning of what would be the anti-rhea western church faction. When they were caught, Rhea probably looked at the mess that was Faerghus and went, "hmmm, maybe we can fix this."

Telling people that someone tried to assassinate rhea so soon after the regicide of the Faerghus king would probably, uhhh, make a lot of people panic. Rampant paranoia abound. Holy shit I just realized itd be soon after the whole rebellion of the seven in the empire too.

Man, Fodlan is a mess

Anyway, the church pins the blame of Duscur's tragedy on C and friends, and it maybe calms down faerghus enough to get on its feet quicker.

Here, tho, Seth just went and got himself crowned. With an actual crowned blaiddyd in place, one that has both the Right and the Blood to rule, things probably calm down faster. He's an actual king, with no one except his underage cousin to contest his claim. If they oppose it, theyd have to answer to those loyal to him and the church since he claimed the crown on basis of his crest, which, ya know, is very important to the church.

Its been a while since i delved into the fe3h lore so uh. If its a little confusing, thats probably fair.

Let's assume C and friends did try and assassinate rhea here as well. Theres no need to pin the blame on C and Friends in this timeline because Seth went and calmed things down with his quick, clean crowning that was supported by Lambert's old supporters (on a promise to name Dimitri heir, probably), and the church itself (crest-bias, baby!), but they still did the whole assassination thing. Who punishes them? The church, where they committed the crime, or the kingdom, where they come from?

The kingdom can't afford to offend the church. Seth's rule is only mostly non-contested because of it. But seth, with all his modern sensibilities, probably goes :/ at the whole execution thing, tho he'll agree to it if forced to.

Maybe the church still executes them with roughly the same reasons, and seth is left to grit his teeth, but at least his people's bloodlust is sated for now. Or the Kingdom itself has to execute them to appease the church, and seth still has to grit his teeth and let it happen. Politics sucks. Seth hates his life. And now Lord Lonato's fury is directed to the Kingdom oh boy

(here is another theory, and mostly my hc, tho I think I can find some basis of it in the Abyss library?? I need to reread the lore, damn, the Slitherers encouraged the western church getting more anti-rhea.

Because having an 'oh, actually, a secret secret enemy who's actually behind everything bad ever is more interesting than the complicated web of goals and opposing world views of characters, made even more complicated by their society's culture and their own personal relationships'

(hahaha. Hmmm. Lets do both. The slitherers encouraged the whole miscommunication and paranoia and mistrust between characters and nations since it seems like thats what theyre doing in game anyway. Dont quote me on that. Its been a long time since i last played)

If they did, that makes things more interesting. Lets say here, seth has to execute christoph and others. But at some point, they make a vague mention of the Slitherers. Like. Maybe, a 'dark mage with too pale skin' or whatever. Something that makes the warning alarms in seth's head blare because don't those sound like the some of the mages he fought in Duscur? Or similar. Just. Something dreadfully familiar that makes seth go, "wait a minute..."

("sothis, what the fuck. Please dont tell me everything was orchestrated by lizard people this whole time." --seth, at some point, probably.)

Anyway, theyre one of the nearest clues he's to this whole mess he's found in a long time. And he needs them alive to follow said clues. Seth manages to wrestle an agreement with the church to force the 'perpetrators' into forced servitude. Titles and all stripped, and forced to work for him. Sounds too much like slavery for seth's taste but at least??? Theyre alive??? And they can help him investigate, especially once he can convince them, in his own surly way, that some of the people from the western church sound suspiciously like they come from the same people that made duscur happen.

To cut the story short, seth gets some new (after a while of convincing them they been duped) loyal minions

--

But. Like. Not sure if i can include this in the story since i gotta go back and do some research first, and theres no guarantee that i won't change my mind later after some research. But, yeah. Seth is straight up not having a good time with that whole Lonato mess.

[04091657]

02/16/17

i have no motivation to study

i want you to send me a nude lmao why am i indirectly talking to you bc it gives me comfort

i miss you

i live on your words now too just rereading everything you write to me i want to talk to you so badly its so easy, to just pick up the phone and dial the numbers that are forever inked into my brain id hear your soft voice so soothing so comforting feels like home because you are home

are you asleep? if so, i hope youre sleeping gently and comfortably. i love you. i miss you.

i know i shouldnt have called but i couldn’t help myself this is the hardest thing ive had to do 

i know its so cliche and typical for couples to say that they’re special and whatnot.. but truly i really believe we are so fucking special. you were right. nobody knows us like we do.

its 4:20 two nights ago we were outside smoking and looking at the stars and you told me how you missed smoking on the curb during the summer. i like smoking outside in the winter with you while looking at the stars. its nice

who were you texting at 730 last night on whatsapp): i know its so toxic and unhealthy of me to monitor who youre talking to its a habit i REALLY need to change, its not that i dont trust you bc god baby i know your love for me is truly unconditional and 150% devoted. i get jealous so easily tho. i need to fix this! you reblogged that thing that said jealousy is a sign of an unhealthy relationship!!

just now randomly this popped into my head: theyre just jealous cus we’re young and in love. soco amaretto lime, 06/09/16 brand new’s opening song for their concert, i held you and we looked into each other’s eyes and we kissed so much. do you remember?

i remember when we broke up and i thought a couple of times about how itd be so hard for me to eat steak again bc it reminds me of you so much. so ive got to be honest it broke my heart a lil when you were gona eat it w vanny even tho i know its cus youll always love steak aww im happy baby’s got a protein she really likes :) but for me part of the reason why i love steak so much is because of all the times we shared it together. also you cant have steak without green beans. its officially a rule!!

remember the uni(sea urchin) pasta i made you? dont you feel like itd be sooooo much better if it was paired with udon instead? and topped with fresh uni ooooo im hungry

im very tired i slept at 6 was supposed to wake up at 8 but ofc i snooze until 11 and now i have no time to study for my exam or do my assignment so i have to hand it in late but i wont even be here in person to hand it in so idk what to do ):

went to krispy kreme with marcus after my astro midterm and we sat there for a bit and talked and SAW YUMYUM LOL i hugged him even tho i hate him lol but yea marcus and sarah are going to new york next week, definitely jealous not gona lie! but our day will come !

about to take a depression nap i already know you love me tho heh

hey babe, just showered, packing now seojis arriving soon and i think we’re heading out around 9. cant wait to talk to you i miss you so much, hope work isnt busy today hope your cut isnt that deep, im thinking of you

on my way to the airport, ill be spending some time there i think ill work on my assignment first, nap a lil if you can? hope work wasnt too straining, try eating something even if its just a tiny candy, i miss you

im outside security check, theres a couple the girl is crying a lot and the boyfriend is just comforting her, i hope their relationship lasts, theyre hugging now i wish u were here to hug me goodbye too, but in a way im glad youre not here because id probably just cry the whole way on the plane. anyways i miss you and i feel very bad for them

theres a quote, goes something like hospitals hear more sincere prayers than churches, airports see more sincere kisses than wedding halls. its so true lol i miss you

[stellarspecter]

blease can we have ur director's commentary on the part of long time coming that mirrored LGW ?

author’s notes will be in bold.

sorry if this is the wrong part. i didn’t intentionally write any of this fic to mirror LGW - how could i? the song wasn’t even out yet! so it’s very interesting to me that you draw that parallel. i can see why you’d say that, of course - both deal with jeremy’s reasons for abandoning michael. my reasons are definitely more bullshit than the show, though.

Michael found his former best friend right where Christine had said he’d be: the stairwell in J Hall that no one used because it was so far away from anything else. (it probably goes without saying that i base this high school on my own high school, which hasn’t been majorly renovated since 2009, and they only added a bit of a hallway. my school was built like there was no plan and they lettered the hallways according to no system at all. we have A-G halls, then J, K, L, and T halls. i don’t know what they were thinking.)

He looked like he was writing something on his arm. Michael caught a glimpse of black ink before he interrupted his writing time. (ooh, ~foreshadowing~)

“Hey.”

Jeremy jumped about a foot in the air and rushed to put his pen away and push down his sleeve. When he saw who it was, his eyes hardened.

“Why are you here?” He asked flatly.

“Christine said I should make you see that I’m amazing and I deserve to be back in your life, so.” He shrugged. “I’m doing that. Hopefully.” (haha, sick reference to my first meremine fic lmao)

Jeremy didn’t have much of a reaction to that, so he tried something that almost certainly would. “Why did you leave?” (bullshit reasons, michael. very bs)

Jeremy stayed with his back facing his former best friend. Michael tried again. “Why did you abandon me?” There was still no response. He barrelled on. “Was it because I wasn’t good enough? Because I was boring? Because you cared more about popularity than your best friend?” He let out an ugly laugh. “What a fucking Slytherin. (jeremy is a slytherin and you all can fight me on that. also as soon as i thought of this line i immediately had to find a way to include it.) What was so bad about me that you had to abandon me like that?” He was nearly yelling at this point. “What did I do wrong?” His voice softened to just above a whisper. “How do I fix it?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Jeremy’s voice almost sounded like he had been crying, but that couldn’t have happened. “It was me. You were too good for me.” (here comes the bullshit)

Michael couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Jeremy thought that he was better than him? What? Michael was the one that fell apart as soon as Jeremy left, how could he be too good for him?

“So… you left because you thought you weren’t good enough?”

“That was part of it. Mostly it was because I was tired of being bullied and I cared so much about popularity. I thought if I was popular, I’d be happy.”

Michael swallowed nervously. “And were you?” (when i wrote this and i was trying to think of a reason for jeremy to abandon michael, i came up with this whole thing and i realized, on some level, that it was kind of bullshit but i didn’t really care. i just said fuck it and put it in because i couldn’t think of anything better. rereading this, though, really drives home the point that this makes not a lot of sense and is very bullshit. thanks for coming to my ted talk.)

Jeremy turned to face him. His face was red and blotchy from where he had been crying and Michael was reminded of the time he had to calm him down from an anxiety attack in sixth grade. “How could I be happy without my player one?” (the feels! crying boye. angsty boye. friend boyes again now.)

That was what did it for Michael. He rushed towards Jeremy, arms spread wide for a hug. It was the first time they had touched in four years. The hug was not a disappointment. Maybe it was a little salty and snotty from how hard both of them were crying, but that was a minor discomfort when Michael had just gotten his best friend back.

They ended up sitting down with their backs to the wall, holding each other and asking questions about their lives during the years they had missed.

“Why did you have to stop being friends with me to be popular?”

“I guess I didn’t,” Jeremy realized. “I think I was in such an all or nothing mindset that it always seemed like one or the other, you know? Like, popularity or you. I didn’t realize that I could’ve kept being friends with you and be popular. And honestly, I think the real reason is that I didn’t think I deserved it.”

Michael furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”

“I didn’t think I deserved to have you in my life,” he explained. “I thought that I was a loser and you were this amazing person who somehow wanted to hang out with me and it was all just because I happened to be lucky enough to be seated next to you in kindergarten. I thought that being popular might fix that, but, well. We know how that went.” (why would that fix anything, jeremy? dumbass) (let’s pretend that this isn’t Very Bullshit and try to explain it! jeremy’s mom had just left him and he was feeling very Bad about everything, but especially about himself, blaming himself for his mom leaving. he was definitely struggling with feeling worthless, and needing to amount to something would have been a big concern. well, what’s the only thing that seems to matter to a nerdy loser eighth grader? popularity. he thought that he would be Better once he was popular. maybe he even thought that he could come back to michael. but once he became one of them and learned how they felt about nerdy loser boys, he knew (”knew”) it was all or nothing, popularity or michael. true to his slytherin nature, he chose popularity.)

“Yeah.” Michael was silent for a moment, thinking through all that had transpired in the last hour. “So… does this mean that you want to come over and play Apocalypse of the Damned with me?”

Jeremy smiled. “I would love to. Although,” he added, his smile slipping away, “I haven’t played since eighth grade.”Michael smiled back. “That’s okay. I haven’t either.”

“B-but Michael, that’s your favorite game!” Jeremy looked at him with wide eyes.

“I wasn’t lying about what I said back there. It’s a two-player game,” he said with a gentle smile. “And I couldn’t really find anyone else who would play my lame retro shit with me.”

“Well, lucky for you, I love your lame retro shit,” Jeremy replied. His smile looked a little dopey and it made Michael feel like maybe his feelings weren’t so unrequited after all. He smiled back at his newly acquired old best friend and snuggled further into his embrace. Currently they were huddled up against the wall, Michael nearly in Jeremy’s lap by this point. God, he was glad that discovering he was soulmates with Christine led to rediscovering his best friend. (okay, so this is definitely some bs here. having them be so cuddly and lovey after having not spoken at all for four years? there’s definitely a lot of bitterness and regret and guilt there in a big Hot Mess. even though this is definitely bullshit, i’ll try to justify it by saying that they just want to be back to the “normal” of four years ago and ignoring their glaring problems. just imagine that there is an anger-ridden, angsty conversation that happens not in this fic where they air out all of that Stuff.)

bonus content! here’s some of my planning for this fic:

Soulmate marks only start showing up when you’re 13

Should jeremy or christine be his soulmate first?

With jerm itd have been harder to hide in middle school

And why has christine only just now showed up

Have christine and jerm been soulmates this whole time

So like jerm and chris were soulmates and jerm was also michael’s soulmate or is she new for both of them

Maybe they were always soulmates but she never wrote

But it would be more in character for jerm to never write

Okay well lets just say she’s somehow new and jerm and michael were somehow able to hide it from each other

I mean they would have only had to hide it for less than a year before they stopped talking but still

There were a few months where jerm didn’t write to michael at all bc his mom just left and he stopped believing in soulmates

He never told michael what happened and he only started writing again bc there was absolutely nowhere else to write down these lyrics and he was absolutely going to forget them because it was 2 am

looking over my old planning now, it’s kind of funny how much backstory i obsessed over and never even mentioned in the fic. and the way i planned out the confrontation and the ending didn’t really happen either. i guess writing has a way of doing that - getting carried away by the story and just going where it takes you.