#i need to present only my best and most useful side and keep everything else under wraps

[medicinemane]

.

[vettelsvee]

BEE HOTELS | Sebastian Vettel

f1 masterlist | wattpad | ao3 | requests or let's talk!

sebastian vettel x wife!journalist!reader

summary: seb's suzuka biodiversity project goes according to plan... or will he have some surprises that he might reject at first?

word count: 1983

warnings: none of it really! just seb being the standard, as i always write him (almost always, oops). use of y/n y/l/n

taglist: @celemilii bc i wrote this for her as a birthday present! i recommend you to read her works bc she's just like me: we write about the oldies.

© VETTELSVEE (2024). please, do not steal, copy or translate my works. thanks for reading!

The painting in yellow and black tones increasingly filled his hands. Sweat dripped from his forehead, not only due to the sun that was blazing that day in Suzuka but also because of the stress he was feeling to ensure that the project turned out as planned: flawlessly.

Sebastian had spent months not only brainstorming and meticulously preparing for that Japanese Grand Prix weekend but also dedicating himself wholeheartedly the night before to build each of the hotels that his former colleagues were now painting.

He was exhausted, but the feeling of happiness he was experiencing at that moment was immense. The conversations among the other drivers couldn't be more positive. They seemed to be enjoying the process, constantly sharing laughter and jokes among them as they continued with their task the best they could.

While the German was focused on ensuring that everything was going perfectly, he could gradually see, out of the corner of his eye, a figure he knew perfectly well in any form.

"Y/N, what are you doing here?" 

Her husband's tone surprised Y/N, who lowered her arms, disheartened, knowing that the hug she was about to give would most likely not be reciprocated.

"I came to see you. What else would I do?" replied the journalist, ignoring Seb's behavior. "And to interview you too, but you already know it."

The blonde frowned, feeling a bit confused by the situation. Interview him? How could there be nothing he wouldn't know?

"Interview me?" he innocently asked.

"Didn't Britta tell you?"

Sebastian shook his head once again. Y/N’s gaze shifted to Roeske, who averted his eyes at the mess he knew he had caused with the couple. The former driver's PR knew that if he had said anything beforehand, Seb would have likely rejected the offer and, most importantly, gotten upset. Besides, he knew that such a refusal would upset Mrs. Vettel, and that would end up in a pointless argument between the couple.

"Well, you know how Britta is. She didn't mention anything about interviewing me today, especially not by you. You know, with so many things she has to keep track of..." Vettel tried to excuse her.

The journalist shook her head and once again looked at the PR, seeking confirmation from his side. A single nod was enough to acknowledge that her client was right.

"Y/N, schön, we need to maintain professionalism," Vettel stated firmly, seeing that neither of the two women responded. "I don't think it's very appropriate to mix our personal life with the professional one. We've always done it this way, and we should..."

"To hell with professionalism, darling," she interrupted, raising her voice. "We've been pretending to be professional for too many years to keep doing it. You've been retired for almost a year, living the life you've always wanted with our children and me," she explained, trying to convince him. "It won't hurt if you let go and be yourself, if we just are ourselves."

Sebastian remained silent for a few seconds that felt eternal for the woman. He knew Y/N was right, he knew nothing would happen if they showed themselves as the couple they were in private, but his shyer side, the most introverted one, the one that wanted to protect his privacy above all and, above all, his family, felt a kind of fear that this would end up making him completely vulnerable to public scrutiny.

"Alright, let's do the interview," the German finally said, causing his wife to start hopping around before pouncing on him and kissing him all over his face.

"Where should we start, Mr. Vettel?"

"What about giving Mrs. Vettel a kiss?" he replied, playing along with the game the journalist had started. "You know, to help ease any tensions..."

Sebastian didn't need to say anything more for his wife to take his face in her hands and pull him towards her, giving him a kiss that lasted not only longer than they would have allowed on another occasion, but also longer than they themselves expected.

They ended up pulling away after a few seconds, just as they began to hear cheers, applause, and comments from the other drivers, who were watching the couple enthralled, as they had never shown themselves in such a way during their years in Formula 1.

"Carry on with what you're doing!" the four-time world champion shouted, trying not to sound angry. "I don't want anything left unfinished!"

Y/N couldn't help but blush and lower her head in embarrassment at all the attention she was drawing.

"Um... shall we start now, darling?" the journalist spoke again, trying to regain control of the situation.

"Yes, yes, of course. Go ahead, ask me anything."

She quickly pulled out her notebook, where she had written down a large number of questions to ask her husband as if she hadn't actually worked hand in hand with him on the project. She tried to maintain professionalism despite the still uncomfortable situation they were immersed in.

Seb, who seemed to notice how tense the woman was, decided to do things a little differently, although it was more than obvious that it took him some effort to take the first step.

Quickly and with trembling hands, he wrapped his right arm around his wife's waist and slowly guided her to sit on the ground next to him. She resisted at first because, deep down, she was also afraid to show herself as she truly was with the love of her life; but when she saw how the German also invited the cameraman who was filming them to sit on the ground, she knew there was no choice but to listen to the guy who initially meant nothing to her but ended up becoming her everything.

"More comfortable like this, right, schön?" Sebastian wanted to know, even though he already knew the answer.

"Yes, I think it will be more comfortable, darling," she replied, allowing herself to be guided by her husband's behavior, although once again blushing slightly.

With her head resting on his shoulder, the journalist took her notebook in her hands again, flipping through the page where she had the first question of what would undoubtedly be the most fake interview not only she had ever done but probably would do in her extensive career as a journalist.

"Well, let's start, darling. What inspired you the most to start this biodiversity project?"

"Well, as you know, I've always felt a special connection with nature and the environment. Do you remember the conversations we used to have, like, I don't know, about twelve or thirteen years ago?" she nodded. Of course, she remembered. How could she forget when he revealed to her how much the issue mattered to him at his home in Monaco, even before they had started dating? "I wanted to do something to show the importance of biodiversity, so these bee hotels seemed perfect to me."

"And why Suzuka, Seb?"

"Do you really need an answer to that question?" the man countered, raising an eyebrow. "I thought you already knew."

Now it was Y/N who looked less than pleased. Of course she knew why he had chosen Suzuka, it's just that the viewers, possibly, didn't.

"Suzuka is a very special place for me, both professionally and personally," the German continued. "This place has witnessed many important moments of my life, and I wanted to somehow give back everything it has done for me. Its people, I mean," he hastened to add. The journalist laughed at the incoherence of the response, earning herself a playful punch on the arm and some affectionate insults.

The interview continued in such a way that, more than a recording that would be broadcast on various media later, it seemed like one of those informal chats the couple used to have in their room, lying on the bed they both shared, after reading a story to their children and leaving them completely asleep.

Laughs, knowing looks, and even some intimate memories that ended up being revealed to the camera flowed effortlessly. Sebastian couldn't stop playing with Sally's hands and hair, caressing them so delicately that she seemed like a porcelain doll. The journalist, on her part, couldn't stop running her index finger up and down her husband's arm, writing invisible messages about how much she loved him.

"To finish I'd like to know something, darling. How was the process of designing and building each one of those bee hotels?"

"As you already know, and for those who are watching, I was lucky to work with a local carpenter yesterday. We worked on them all day long, and even part of the night. There are eleven in total: one for each team, and one for me," replied the German with a big smile.

His wife started laughing, and her lips twisted in a way that it wasn't hard for Vettel to recognize that his wife was hiding something.

"In fact, there are twelve, Seb," the journalist said with a playful tone.

"What do you mean twelve?" he asked, quite confused. "Love, you were there yesterday. There were eleven. One for each team, one for every two drivers, and another for..."

"I made one myself and I painted it too. Well... some parts are already painted because I asked the kids, secretly, to paint them so you could have a little piece of them here..."

The former driver was impressed by his wife's confession, and he couldn't help but feel emotional. Even a couple of tears threatened to leave his eyes when he saw Y/N, completely excited, getting up from the grass and fixing her clothes before reaching out her hand to him.

"What are you waiting for, Seb? Come on, you have to see it!"

Seb followed her, feeling a mix of very strange emotions after sharing life with this girl for so many years. When they arrived, they stopped in front of it, Britta taking photos from every possible angle and then starting a video call with the couple's children, who were staying with Seb’s parents.

"Schön, this is... God, I have no words. It's incredible."

Y/N smiled proudly before heading towards the structure and start explaining him everything.

"I've drawn us here, right in the front," indeed, there were two larger figures next to three smaller ones, surrounded by flowers and trees. "And here are the kids' drawings. Honestly, I don't know what they've drawn, but... I knew it would make you happy to have a little piece of them too."

The blonde bent down in front of the hotel made by his wife, examining it carefully as he traced with his fingers the strokes that Emily, Matilda, and Ben had made who knows when, and that seemed to have been well hidden. They were simple, clumsy, but he knew that behind them there was something much more important: the purest love he had ever experienced and that nothing and no one could surpass, not even his wife.

"It's wonderful, Y/N. You have no idea what this means to me."

Y/N could only approach her husband and give him a chaste kiss on the lips, not caring this time what happened next.

"I did it for you, Seb. I love you, we love you," she corrected herself, turning towards the mobile phone in front of them that Britta still held, referring to their children, who could be heard excitedly. "You are the sunshine of our lives and you deserve much more than this."

Sebastian didn't hesitate to, once again, kiss Y/N, and then hug her tightly, continuing to give her kisses on her temples.

"I wouldn't be the sunshine of your life if you weren't in it," he whispered in her ear. "You are the sunshine of my life. I love you, Y/N. Thank you for everything."

[casanovawrites]

random sentence prompts  ━ from various tv shows, part 14

you’re still speaking in the present tense.

you barely know us.

i’m your best friend? you’ve known me for like four weeks.  

i was seeing someone and i fucked it up. i fucked it up because i’m fucked up.

you’re a fucking creep, i’m a fucking catch.

i’m charming as shit.

all i want is for people to like me, but i just keep hurting people instead.

that’s just what we do. we look out for each other.

my nightmares don’t usually serve breakfast.

you’re pretty much a pain in my ass. and most days, you suck.

delusions make me happy.

we can’t play defense forever.

i think i like you better than anyone i know.

nothing that i’ve been through is possible. i feel like my mind is breaking.

i know it’s dangerous here.

i’m sorry, are you invested in the happiness of someone else?

things change. here, it’s usually bad.

i hesitate to tell you this, because you’re pathologically overconfident, but you’re cute.

you’re a good person with all your bad qualities.

hope is what makes you willing to suffer.

i want to feel that full-blown compliment.

buddy, fuck off, okay?

fuck you, you really hurt my feelings, and i hope an air conditioner falls on you.

my heart’s belonged to you since the moment i met you.

when the fuck are we not at risk?

hot. you’re hot.

i don’t want to be like this. it’s terrifying.

you’re not fucked up. you’re like the most together person i know. 

all i am is a dumb motherfucker who keeps getting people killed.

my mom adores you.

great, you’re yelling at me again.

i think the only way you can be happy is if you’re yourself.

is it just physically impossible for you not to be an asshole for longer than 10 minutes?

i like you a lot better when you’re not yelling at me.

it’s real, and i’m fucking terrified.

i have done things i can’t undo.

i just feel like all i’ve been doing lately is hurting people.

you do not just get to come in here, dump a load of shit like that, and then walk away.

i don’t want to let this place decide when we get to be happy.

i promise i won’t cry on you if you sit next to me.

you are my home, and i would really like to be yours.

you look how i feel.

i don’t give a shit about your word.

i know their type. everything’s a personal attack, a goddamn battle.

you know it’s okay to tell people to fuck off every once in a while, including your friends.

she looked good. i mean, hateful. but good.

it’s poor form to blame the dead.

i’m bothered by people who don’t know how good they have it.

you’re trapped with me. in a fun way.

this place is haunted. everywhere i look, i see somewhere you lied to me.

i don’t feel better off. i just feel left.

i made my choices. so did you.

broken people don’t survive here.

i am exiting our one-sided relationship.

one failed marriage, who hasn’t been there?

i just need to know you’ve got your shit together.

i don’t need a pep talk. i just need to know that you’re back.

mostly everybody here’s depressed.

rule number one: never trust the love interest.

now i know how to take care of my problems.

i can’t uproot my life just to make you happy.

i was never rooting for you to be unhappy. i just wanted you to have more.

stop saying that everything’s going to be okay.

you are not some hopeless screw up.

no one listens to me. no one.

i’m not a problem for you. i’ve never been a problem for you.

there are no mistakes. just choices. and you chose what was right for you.

if someone came up to you right now and said, ‘do this one bad thing and everyone gets to go home,’ would you do it?

i don’t want to know the answer.

when we’re together, i feel a lot. and mostly, it’s good.

we don’t have time to be delicate.

actually, you might be the best thing in my life.

i don’t know what to do, and that really freaks me out.

i’m not gonna stand here and pretend it was a good day.

there are always gonna be monsters in the world. it doesn’t matter where you are. but i promised myself i would never let them scare the life out of me.

i don’t give a shit what you are.

i’m doing this for you. i’m doing it for all of us.

if this shit goes sideways, you have to be ready to step up.

i need you to do me a favor. cut yourself some slack.

you trust me to decide the rest of your life?

you have a sense of direction. 

when did life become this big monster we have to just constantly feed?

we don’t have to live like the sky is always falling.

i’m not afraid of the dark.

you think i’m a monster?

what’s happening to us?

what part of this is okay?

that was death, and it’s coming… right now.

[lyramundana]

Hey, Mate. How are u? I've just seen your yandere Chan and changbin headcanons and I really like it! Can you please do a yandere skz reaction where their crush likes someone else?

Have a beautiful day! 💛

Thank you, mi amor!💖

YANDERE! STRAY KIDS REACTION: THEIR DARLING LIKES SOMEONE ELSE

CHRISTOPHER BANG

Oh well, we start hard already

We've already established previously that, out of the group, he's the most likely to turn yandere in real life. The divine @whatudowhennooneseesyou explained it in her blog before, and if she says it it must be be true, so

forgetting my short fangirl moment there . He got close to his Darling by showing her only his good sides and presenting himself like a friendly, reliable guy that she could count on for everything. He introduced himself into her life smoothly, carving his place in her routine while discreetly removing the "obstacles" that annoyed him. He won her trust quickly enough by forcing situations where his Darling got to see him as her knight in shining armour and felt compelled to rely on him, slowly but surely growing more dependant of him.

If there's a virtue Christopher has in quantity, it's patience. He's ready to wait as long as needed until he gets what he wants, and he's also the type to plan things in advance. So yeah, he's a fucking challenge to get away from.

He though he was doing great, that things were progressing like he planned, so imagine his utter shock when he learns his Darling has a crush on somebody else. She makes the mistake to tell him herself, asking for advice from a "good friend".

Once he gets over the initial loss of words, he's pissed. Very pissed. He's so fucking mad that, in the moment, he accidentally lets his nice guy act drop and loses control of his emotions in front of her. He starts an argument about it, claiming that person is not good enough and they're only going to hurt her, even if he barely knows them. Because who else could be worthy of Darling but himself? This mishap scares her and she ends up arguing back, running away from him in the end. He chastises himself for losing his cool like that later, furious that he ruined all of hard work into shaping a perfect image of him in her eyes. He can't stand the though of losing her, so he recomposes himself and already makes a plan to fix things.

First he gets in touch with her to apologize and make up for his behaviour. He's not sorry for the way he reacted, but he knows it scared her off and he knows that could prompt her to create distance, which he can't allow. Once again, he plays his charming and loving role to convince her, blaiming it on the stress of work and his desire to protect her, since most men are just pigs that would break her beautiful heart only he can do that. When she gets her to believe him, he grabs her hands in his and smiles, promising he'll help her the best way he can.

As soon as he's done recovering her trust, he's investigating that worthless piece of trash that has apparently stolen her affection. He has his contacts, so it doesn't take too long to get what he wants. He memorizes every single detail that he deems useful, just like he did with Darling, but this time is with entirely different purposes.

He's the type of "keep his enemies closer", so he'll befriend that person first and gain their trust, luring them into a false sense of security that it's more like a spider web, trapping them to be devoured without resistance. He gets that person to share secrets with him, things they regret, and Chris promises he won't ever tell a soul.

Some promises are meant to be broken.

He'll hold what he knows over their head to threaten them into staying away, or he'll straight up twist their words so his Darling can misinterpret them and feel betrayed/heartbroken. Obviously, he doesn't waste time into playing his role of brilliant hero and becomes her shoulder to cry on. This kind of validation is like oxygen for him, he can't get enough.

If the person proves to be persistant, he'll take more drastic measures and get rid of them permanently from Darling's life.

"It's okay, doll. It's not your fault. How could you've known they were so terrible? I never fully trusted them, but you seemed so happy and convinced. This is why you should listen to me. I only want the best for you.

LEE KNOW

We've also discussed him a bit in previous posts, but we'll profundize more here.

He's a passive yandere. The type to observe and "care" for his Darling from afar, unnoticed. Never intervening directly unless he absolutely has to. He'll be infatuated for years before gathering the courage to talk to you. But once he finally does, he'll win over his Darling quickly because he just seems to be so sync with her.

Truth is that, during all the time he's spent pining for her from the shadows, he has recopiled every bit of information about her he could get his hands on. Stalking, hacking, stealing personal belongings to treat as "treasures", you know it. While he didn't feel capable of havin a face to face interaction with her, he found comfort in observing her on her daily tasks. He knows her favourite food, color, animal, names of her friends and relatives, the perfume she uses, the places she frecuents and her special events.

His aproach would be slow at first, probably reaching out to her through social media (he has follows her in all of them and has a hacked all her accounts at some point) to chat about common interests, and after he feels they're both on friendly enough terms, he'll arrange a meeting in real life in one of her favourite places.

And because he's so in touch with everything that happens with her, he finds out about her crush before she even tells him. He goes through various phases, like sadness, heartbreak, rage. He just can't fit his head around such concept. Hasn't he proven himself enough to her? He has gone such lenghts to protect her, to get to know her, shaping himself to become the man of her dreams. Did he fail somewhere? What else he should do?

Then it dawns to him. It's not fault. Of course he followed all steps, did everything perfectly. By all accounts, his Darling should've fallen for him already. But maybe he chose the wrong aproach.

Maybe he needs to be more clear about his intentions.

He doesn't have Chris' discretion or long-game. He doesn't want to sit around and wait, he's done that enough for years.

He can't fake friendliness even if he tries, so his solution is kidnapping the person and threaten them to stay away from his Darling's life. If that doesn't work, he'll simply keep them hidden until their existence begins to be forgotten. He could also use them as a boxing bag to let out his frustations, who knows.

@whatsk-poppinhomies has the perfect description of yandere Minho, as I mentioned in another post. Go check it out!

SEO CHANGBIN

He's the egocentric type, to that makes him dangerous and scary but also predictable.

He lives off the praise and admiration from others. He's constantly showing off, fishing out all kind of validation to feed his ego. He also takes great care of his appareance and everything involved in the way he presents himself to the people.

Imagine the stereotypical jock of american movies that's popular and always being the centre of attention. That's him. He needs to feel eyes on him and be admired or else he'll get slightly insecure.

He'll try to catch his Darling's attention by doing exactly what he does to the rest: Showing off. He'll spoil the shit out her and do anything in his power to prove that he's the ideal partner. That no one is gonna treat her better than he does.

He'll become his Darling's slave, her biggest simp. He'll run up to her if he sees her in the same place as him and trail behind her back like an eager puppy, ready to bend himself backwards for her wishes.

Darling might feel overwhelmed by the constant attention and expensive gestures, but he has no plans on stopping, even if she asks him. Then he'll try to tune it down for her sake, but he's uncapable of stopping. He feels the urge to worship the ground she walks on.

He invades every space of her life with his boaming presence and craves himself into her routine, making sure he's the first and last face she sees everyday. If someone seems to "steal" the time that's rigthfully his, he'll drop that bubbly attitude quickly and become very intimidating. He's short but those muscles don't lie and he knows how to use them.

He has a high self-steem, so he's not jealous per se. However, he enjoys marking what's his and let other people know. He's prideful and has a similar disposition to Chris, in terms that they act more like dogs by how much they remind their partners and everyone else who they belong to.

He'll very, very angry if he finds out his Darling has a crush on someone that's not him. He feels his efforts weren't enough. He feels his ego is being questioned.

Unlike the previous two, he lacks self-control over emotions and he's rather impulsive, so he'll probably get into a fight with his rival or/and his Darling too.

He's a lot more direct about this matter. He'll use his position to berate Darling's crush until their reputation shatters or they decide to run away from the harassment. Changbin would be merciless.

Humiliations, fake rumours, pranks that leave injuries too serious to be just that. He'll be a manual bully, and a terrible one because no one dares to fight back. He's stronger than most, intimidating when he wants to, and has no problem sending someone to an hospital if they piss him off enough.

Eventually he'll drive his rival far from his Darling so he doesn't return, but if that doesn't work, well...he's ready to take permanent measures.

HWANG HYUNJIN

oh fuck here we go

Another dangerous one if he falls to the yandere side. He's as bad as Christopher, the kind of yandere that you can't escape alone and most likely you never will.

He's highly narcissistic and self-centered, but unlike Changbin, you won't ever see him coming. And while Chris' red flags can be more noticeable, Hyunjin's are invisible until it's too late.

He's a great actor, a manual manipulator and the perfect wattpad boyfriend. And by this I mean that every breath he takes is pure 🚩🚩🚩.

Seriously, if I had to pick, I'll run to Christopher Bang with no second though, because he's at least somewhat nice and truly feels like he cares.

Hyunjin doesn't. He believes he does, but that's not it.

He doesn't necessarily want to have a fairytale romance with his Darling. He simply wants to own her. Be the centre of her life and have her at his beck and call. Like I said, narcissistic.

He'll be drawn to someone that doesn't pay attention to him at first. He's used to have people worshipping the ground he walks on and surrounded by admirers, so seeing someone that treats him differently inmediatly picks his interest. And so he goes after her doing everything in his power to impress her and get her to look at him the same way most people do. He can't stand not having everyone infatuated by him.

He'll be the classic love interest that never takes no for an answer, ignores boundaries and takes the protagonist for granted. He thinks being allowed to be with him is an honor. He doesn't really care if the girl is comfortable with the situation, he's set on "fixing the anomaly".

As he begins to develop feelings for his Darling that go beyond winning this game of "hard to get", he starts to idealize her to unsane levels and even gives her traits that she doesn't actually have, just to fit his perfect narrative. If she doesn't have them, then he'll just have to make her, right?

He's charming and has a way with words, but his ego might cost him vision. He uses his image of "dream prince" to his advantage and plays the role for his Darling. He intends to turn her into his muse, a doll crafted by and for himself. He'll smoothly move her to change some aspects of herself to his preference.

His ego, eventually, confirms to be a burden. He's confident on his own perfection and he sees himself as the best option out of everyone and everything, so discovering his Darling apparently has a crush on someone is a mindfuck for him.

But he recovers quickly. As soon as the shock is over, it gets replaced with rage. For the first time in his life, he feels surpassed by someone. And he hates losing.

He'll sabotage every possible relationship Darling could have with anyone. If he can't have her, no one will. Simple. Until she realizes her only viable option is to be with him.

He's the type to ruin his Darling's life too and break her, so he can pick up the pieces and put them back how he wishes. Make her undesirable for other people so she thinks he's the only one that would ever love her.

HAN JISUNG

A nightmare for your emotional health. Dating him on a regular setting would be already a roller coaster, but as a yandere? You'll need fucking therapy and lots of patience, if you ever get out of it of course.

He relies heavily on emotional reactions and playing the victim card. He might actually believe he's a victim. He's impulsive too, but not like Changbin. He's another subtle manipulator, but unlike Hyunjin and Chris who use mental games, he hits you where it hurts.

He's prone to breakdowns and his mental health isn't the most stable at times, so he'll probably fall for his Darling when she helped him through one of his episodes and comforted them. As soon as he felt her warm hands and kind smile, boom. The path to obsession began.

He can be very insecure and distrusting, so he'll get jealous even when they're not even together yet. He thinks everyone that gets close to her has romantic interests and fears they'll take her away. He reflects his own feelings and thoughts unto other people.

Due to his insecurities, he believes everyone is better than him and so, if he lets Darling see other people than him, she'll surely reject him.

He's moody, so he'll go through periods where he's extremely clingy and others where he isolates himself. In both cases, however, he needs to know she's near or else he'll fall in a pit of panic. It reassures him.

He's very attached to his Darling, probably the most out of all. His dependency is completely toxic and it moves him to push people of her life so he can have her entirely for himself. He hates having to share her time and attention, so what's the solution?

Make sure he's the only person she has to talk to.

I think it's important to note that Jisung, while being emotional, is far from stupid. He's in fact one of the smartest in the group, so don't let the shy, soft persona fool you.

He's quick to pick on details, and that includes weaknesses. If he realizes his Darling can't stand seeing him sad or angry, you bet he'll use to his full benefit. He'll throw tantrums and randomly stop talking to her so she has to go after him to know what's wrong and "fix it". Seeing her give him so much attention comforts him.

If he catches on the fact that Darling has feelings for someone else, boy he'll go insane. You think his moodiness and bipolarity were bad before? Be prepared to see it ten times worse.

He wont' stand it, and he'll make that very clear. Another one that'll sabotage any type of relationships she has, but unlike Hyunjin, he'll never go as far as to hurt her or ruin her, because he adores her too much. No, all the damage is directed against those who try to steal her from him.

He'll play the victim card and pretend they were the ones who started the conflict, lying that they made fun of him or they're all speaking ill of her behind her back. He'll paint them as villains and his tears would do the rest.

If that doesn't work, he has no problem locking her up in his house. After all, this would allow him to have her everyday by his side like he wants.

He's highly dependant, very clingy and very sneaky. He's emotionally unstable, so she might see the danger before entering a relationship with him.

LEE FELIX

I really can't see this heaven-sent human as a yandere, but I'll try

He's very similar to Jisung, so it's easy to assume they'll follow similar aproaches. Not for nothing they're called Sunshine twins.

He's also very driven by emotions but he's less impulsive than Han. He prefers to think a bit more before acting, since he wants to look the best at all times for his Darling. That means keeping up appareances with other people too, even if he doesn't like them or can't stand their closeness to her. He wants to earn her through her friends first.

He basically charms everyone around him with his sunshine persona, offering home-made brownies and overall being a cute perfect boy. No one dislikes him and she has only heard great things about him, so she's at ease with him.

She doesn't that he eliminates anyone that suspects his dark side or speaks badly about him. That's why he's seemingly flawless in her eyes.

Because there's literally no one that talks bad about him.

He falls for his Darling due to the simplest things. Maybe a casual warm smile she directed at him once or her complimenting his baker skills. Simple gestures that are plain friendliness and politeness but his deranged mind interprets them in another sense.

He's delusional. A lot, really. If all his interactions with his Darling feel positive and she doesn't reject his advances, that's enough to make him believe his feelings are returned and she feels exactly the same for him.

He'll get close to her by befriending her first, obviously. He wants to take it slow, go step by step in fear he ruins it. He earns her trust and enphasizes his good traits for her. Of course, he uses his deep voice too (because he knows that's one of his best assets)

He's so gentle and kind and understanding, such a good listener. He provides for her and spoils her to the brim. It's only natural she trusts him with her secrets and confides in him.

Including to ask advice regarding her new crush...that's not him.

He doesn't let his inner turmoil be shown. He smiles softly and plays the sweetheart act until she leaves. Once she's out of sight, he finally loses the composure and unleashes the dark emotions he's been hiding for so long.

He doesn't understand. He has done everything perfectly. He's been nothing but charming to her, nothing but a good boy and flawless. He has made her laugh like nobody else, cared for her like a dutiful boyfriend. He's been basically a dream guy. Where did it go wrong?

But he refuses to lose like this. She's only confused, that's it. He shouldn't been so tolerant of the people she hang out with, should've watched better her surroundings. If he does it right, he'll open her eyes and move her back to the right path.

He knows there's no one better than him for his Darling. No one but him deserves her. No one can love her like he does, take care of her like he does.

So he does the only reasonable thing, the same he's done previously with other pests: Remove the obstacle permanently from his life.

KIM SEUNGMIN

Another master manipulator here.

No but for real, he's also relies on his intelligence, and these are the most dangerous and hard to escape out of all.

He plans every move he makes beforehands. He knows what he's doing at all times and, if not, he always has a plan B. He hates the idea of failing.

He's too cool to admit his feelings, so he tries his best to ignore/supress them. Last thing he wants is appear weak and/or vulnerable.

Obviously, he eventually embraces his obsession love and starts to formule a plan. He's another one that's more than willing to play the long game. .

He's only the right amount of polite when he's with his Darling and never more. He purposedly plays hard to get so she'll become interested in him and aproaches him first.

He'll be kind and friendly one day, and the other behave coldly and indifferent. He confuses her constantly in hopes she's drawn to his mysterious side and pays more attention to him.

They won't become friends per se, and he'll become more like a passive yandere like Minho. Watching her from afar and controlling what happens in her life without her knowledge. He'll collect her belongings too, although he won't make a fucking shrine like Minho would. He sees them as trinklets, memories from her. And also as material to learn more about her.

He's highly observant and discreet. Chances of him getting caught are very slim, and there's no way anyone could suspect of his tendencies. He's specially careful around his Darling, so unless her friends have all keen eyes, he could spend an entire life doing this.

He has her entire profile and routines memorized. Her adress, her relatives and friends, the teachers she's had and the places she likes to go. He uses all that information to create interactions where they're "casually" on the same place at the same time or he "accidentally" meets with some of the people she knows who in return talk to her about him.

Step by step, he makes his way through his Darling's life, with zero suspicions.

Unlike Minho, he'll actually aproach her when he follows her somewhere. He doesn't remain hidden, since he wants her to think they both frecuent the same places to see how much in common they have.

He figures out her crush before she has the time to say it. Since they're not close yet (much to his suffering), he finds out from other sources.

He's calm about the whole deal. Well, he still gets angry and has murderous thoughts, but he's an strategist. He has an entire journal with everything there is to know about her. He's good at gathering info.

So he does the same with his rival...but with entirely different purposes.

However, he doesn't simply expose his darkest secrets and removes him from his Darling's path quickly. Oh no. He has a sadist vein. He manipulates everything from the sidelines so his Darling ends up rejecting this person by herself, twisting their image in her eyes so she grows disgusted or uncomfortable with them.

And absolutely no one suspects him.

Once that pest is out of the way after a delicious and humiliating rejection, he moves back to his routine. This event may push him to accelerate the plan and strenghten his bond with Darling.

YANG JEONGIN

Another emotionally unstable one. Lord have mercy.

He's actually more mature that people give him credit for, but he has a certain brattiness, product of usually getting what he wants.

He's impulsive and prideful. The type to resort to the silent treatment if gets angry at someone. He refuses to give in first.

People often see just his cute, maknae persona and get fooled by how coddled he is, but everyone has dark sides, and his particularly can be very intimidating.

Have you seen his angry face? Yeah, I'll burst out crying if someone looked at me like that.

Moving on

He struggles to express his feelings openly, but he also expects his Darling to simply guess them and gets offended if she doesn't act accordingly. He expects her to read his mind.

His Darling would be either an old friend or a co-worker. He likes to remain in his circle, so he feels a bit more in control.

He'll admire her from afar and then aproach her by using his soft, cute maknae act to get attention and care, like he wants. He's used to be the centre of attention because of his cuteness, and let's be honest, she wouldn't resist it either.

He'll make sure her eyes are always fully on him, at all times. If she's paying attention to someone else, he's quick to snatch her with excuses like "i need help with this" "i don't know how to do this" "i'm nervous, can you be with me'" etc.

Another manipulator too. Of course, he learns from the bests of the category.

Meaning he knows how to pretend and act to get his way. He's not as innocent as he lets on.

He gets jealous and he doesn't hide it. He has two moods: He throws a tantrum and pouts (in front of his Darling), and he glares and mocks at the other person (when Darling is away).

Speaking of this, he'll bully anyone that shows interest in her. Like, literally bullying.

I mean intimidation, harassment, bad pranks. All behind her back, of course. He'll eventually convince people to not get close to her, and he'll be fucking happy about it.

Now there's no way she cannot notice him.

At least that's what he thinks, until he hears that his Darling has set her eyes on someone. And it's not him.

Out of all of them, he's the most likely to be caught by her, since he has a hard time hiding his anger.

He'll be resolved to kick that person out of Darling's life one way or another. Oh, and he'll also refuse to speak to her altogether, feeling "betrayed". Again, emotionally unstable and bratty.

Seriously, that person would go through hell. It'll be a mix of Changbin and Jisung. He'll try to play the victim and paint the other as the abuser.

However, he's so deep in with his rage that he gets sloppy. His Darling might caught wind of his harassment to others. She'll probably catch him mid-fight or provoking someone, making fun of them.

When she asks and tries to intervene, he doesn't answer. He doesn't want ignore her forever, but she hurt his pride by liking some other asshole, so he remains in the silent treatment.

He wants her to feel guilty, that it's her fault somehow. Emotional manipulation it's his weapon.

If he plays his cards right, he might get inside her mind and do what he wants with her. If not, she'll believe what she sees and cross him as a bully, avoiding him for good.

Regardless, his rival would be gone. That he'll make sure o

[peonywithroses]

I saw the Genderbend TaigaRomeo again because I love it so much,,,,

Now I am in your inbox asking to share your thoughts on the genderbend TaigaRomeo agenda 🥺

hi there!! you're really too kind!!! thank you for loving those silly girls, it makes me super happy 😭🩷🫶 i will gladly share some of my thoughts about them, i'd call it my hcs and even a small theory of their circumstances at the end...? but anyone reading this i just want to warn you it may sound a bit ooc (+ a bit suggestive), i'm not good with such things that's why i rather stick to making doodles... but i did my best to share a bit of whatever is on my mind when thinking about them so please enjoy ^^;;;🩷

• • •

i like to think that romeo can be pretty affectionate when she wants to but decides not to unless taiga is unaware or completely knocked out. like when she finds taiga sleeping peacefully, her hands will always brush the other's hair in a gentle manner, mumbling about how terrible taiga is at taking care of it.

and we know that taiga is a messy eater, the blood of anomalies not only splattering on her face but also sticking together her hair and everything else. she doesn't care, at least not as much as romeo does, romeo who forcefully drags taiga to the bath to clean the girl up. and romeo will nag because she despises mess and nasty blood but there's something more to it. when she watch taiga undress, willing to sully her own hands with filth, fingertips lingering on the other's cheek and lips a bit too long to say it's a casual thing between them.

on the more nsfw side, i think they do it. yeah, they totally do it but it is never initiated by romeo. or more like, romeo has a lot of unspoken demands and taiga doesn't even need her luck to guess them right everytime, setting things in motion herself. she knows romeo's rules about foreplay, she knows the other likes to be treated like the most mighty one in this world and for taiga, she really is. that is why romeo cannot deny her a little indulgence here and there, especially when that kind of pleasure is a great stress reliever and god, bth is stressing her out everyday so she better work hard to pay it off now. when in good mood, romeo will even humour taiga by going along with the redhead's kinky ideas, be it bondage or anything else she might want to do this time.

"this is absurd." scoffs romeo while her hands are tied with the silky ribbon, color chosen to match her eyes. but taiga says nothing in return, hungry glint in green irises as she slowly lowers herself to have a little fun.

but in the end, their relation is still as turbulent as it appears at the first glance. it's not like romeo truly resents taiga or anything, no. but taiga changed after coming to darkwick, she doesn't understand why. whenever romeo gets in dire situation, she finds herself wishing for things to go back to the way it used to be before, when taiga was more reliable, when the future wasn't so scary because they got each other. but better than anyone she knows that life only goes forward, she has to think about the present and whether taiga choose to follow her or not is up to the other.

on the other hand, taiga basically lives in her head, not able to let it go. she knows what will happen in the future and it's too much to handle on her own but it's not like she wants to bother romeo. she will be happier unaware of the fate awaiting them... yet she's losing her mind slowly because of it. romeo's happiness is the only thing she wishes for, the only thing that keeps her somewhat sane in the this sickening world. that's why she will always do her best to defend romeo behind the scene. even if it costs her sanity to do so.

it's a bittersweet relationship in which they know they are bonded for life so there's no need to say it out loud but the more they try to protect each other, the further it drifts them away.

[reqxxyt]

the regrets i never made

pairings: pierre g. x f!reader

warnings: breakup, attempting at writing angst, cursing

masterlist requests are open!

[unedited]

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

“Fuck you. Just fuck you Pierre.”

“Fine. Just leave like everyone else” he shut you down and you stopped in your tracks, turning to meet his hard gaze as tears threatened to fall through your glare. 

“Do not put the blame on me for trying to fix this. To fix us” you made a movement to indicate the two of you. Your voice softened as a single tear fell “I have tried so hard to repair what was broken for so long. I’m sorry Pierre but I can’t stay”

His silence was enough of a response to turn and leave, with nothing but a cracked heart and a headache. 

“Y/n?” His voice brought me back to the present, pulling me from all past memories that were drowned for so long. I hadn’t turned, too scared that I wasn’t hearing things and he was actually here. But then I felt the rain that was pouring on me a second ago coming to a full stop and lifted my head seeing a black umbrella, the one I had let him borrow all those years ago.

I finally turned, so slow that I could feel cars beside us spring by, splashing some water onto my shoes. I paid attention to  anything but the person who had given me everything I knew for so long, the person I had broken myself for. 

“I thought I recognized you” His voice was so soft, eyes looking apologetic wanting to spring out so many questions with curiosity lingering on the top of his tongue. “How- how have you been?”

“Good” was the only word I could say, it was true. I had rebuilt my life with the help of my singular friend and now I felt the happiest I’ve ever felt. Just like the first couple of months of my, and Pierre's relationship, vulnerable and naive can do that to a girl. I reciprocated the same question although I didn’t put much care into my tone. 

“Good as well” He bit his lip feeling the need to mention something else. “I thought I would never see you” 

I had hoped I would never see him, afraid I would run back into his arms, begging to come back but instead I look at him and feel pleased with myself. Although I didn’t say it back then, having cut him off completely, I wished him the best. 

My gaze dropped down, paying more interest to my torn soaking shoes than him right now. “Do you ever miss it?” he asked, almost blurted out but he said it with such a gentle tone, okay with the idea of me not responding but I did anyway,

“I thought I would” I summarized my rant, blinking back upwards to him hearing the rain from the umbrella stop as the sun started to glare down forcing me to squint my eyes. His eyebrows furrowed, not completely understanding my response, “I missed the memories, the good ones at least but not so much the way you treated me like a girlfriend of convenience” 

This time, his gaze dropped down still having the umbrella upwards although there was no longer any rain pouring down, only dropplets that ran down the umbrella. With almost no hesitation, I lifted my hand and held the umbrella pushing it to the side. Normally my insides would flip at the simple touch of his finger but now I felt calm, at ease, as I took my hand away, bringing it back to my side as his eyes trailed them before coming back to make eye contact. 

“Have a good one Pierre” I said before turning filling my jacket pockets with my hands as I forced one foot in front of another, every step feeling heavier than the last, walking down the sidewalk. I could't look back. I shouldn't. I only hung my head high no matter how much I wanted to drag it to the side to peak if he was still there but my mind forced me to keep walking.

As I walked down the barely lighted ally, with pouring rain dripping only the outside of my rain jacket as I held tightly onto the holding of umbrella afraid it’ll fly away from the strong breeze. I had just finished my last final of college and desperately wanted to eat, but most restaurants hid in the alley. Not very creepy. 

A figure caught my eye as I was about to pass it, it was huddled onto the side of the ally curled to almost a ball being poured rain, my heart pained from the sight hating seeing anyone be poured rain on. I debated internally before walking up to him already adjusting the hood of my rain jacket to cover my hair. 

Without saying a word, I shifted the umbrella to cover his head instead of my own. The guy's eyes trailed from my shoes, moving upward until catching eye contact with my own. His eyes narrowed and I asked myself internally if I had just made the stupidest decision. 

“Taking pity on me?” he asked, scrunching up his nose and I immediately shook my head not wanting it to seem that way. 

“No, of course not. Would just hate to see you get sick” I responded, stumbling over my words and I only got a half-lifted smile, amused over my excuse. “Here take it” I offered the umbrella and he refused, standing and I just now realized his height, analyzing his features, the one that struck me the most in this half-light ally were his colored eyes, which told so much yet held nothing. I had a sudden feeling to want to know everything about him. 

“If you care so much about me getting potentially sick, you should take care of me then” He shrugged hoping to get a reaction out of me but I stood still, blankly staring at his eyes. I heard my stomach grumble beneath me, feeling the heat rush to my cheeks. 

“I think I would much rather eat,” I said, handing the umbrella over giving him no choice but to accept it. He chuckled as I headed down to get food, not caring much about my 5 dollar worth umbrella. 

The next morning, I spotted him at a coffee shop alone but I didn’t approach him, instead, he approached me. He asked me out on a date and promised to give back my umbrella as a trade. Instead of accepting it that night, I kept ‘forgetting’ about it every date that passed and it soon just became his. 

[chevelleneech]

Y’all be sounding so well thought out with some of y’all’s analyses of Jimin and Jungkook’s actions and words, that I be nodding along and ready to click reblog, but then y’all swan dive off into the most biased and ridiculous takes.

Thinking any of us can sus out when JM and JK have hurt each other on any level deeper than what we see, especially moments where they are only seen laughing and smiling on screen, is crazy talk. I have said this before too, about the idea that they suffer from serious jealousy at times.

We do not know that and have no reason to think that if they’re together, jealousy plays any part in their relationship. It is a natural reaction and I’m sure has made appearances, but a lot of y’all think they get jealous over other members, and assert it as a fact. A lot of y’all think they are hurt when the other does this or that with their other friends, and assert it as a fact.

Crazy.

Giving your opinion on surface level stuff, and then saying, “Maybe” something else might be going on is fine. But the way y’all be like “I do think he was hurt for (insert reason), and that’s why he did (insert thing).” doesn’t make any sense to me, because the only reason you think he was hurt, is because you yourself need to make up a reason for why he did a thing you either don't agree with or don’t understand, and that’s not what an unbiased opinion is.

We cannot decide Jimin and Jungkook’s feelings for them, and then present them as proof of a relationship. We can only interpret what we see and hear, and discuss why it appears to point toward or against a relationship.

So I can say: “Jungkook seemingly being more annoyed at Jimin for not agreeing the pink sausage was indeed pink sausage and not ham, leads me to think he felt playfully vindicated that Jimin got it wrong instead of trusting his taste buds given how often they imply JK cooks for him. Whereas, he didn’t really acknowledge Tae being wrong, because he wasn’t as shocked Tae didn’t believe him, since it’s likely Tae simply isn’t aware of how good JK’s sense of taste is.” — Saying that keeps my thoughts separate from what actually happened, because I can’t say for certain JK felt any of those emotions nor had any of those thoughts. It just appears that way given the context.

What I can’t say: “Jungkook flinched at Jimin for not agreeing the pink sausage was pink sausage, because he cared more about what Jimin thought than Tae, and Jimin not trusting/believing him hurt him a little. So he expressed himself by flinching at him, because his instinct was to rub it in his face.” That is completely subjective, and assigns both emotions and thoughts we have no way of knowing he had or felt.

It is perfectly okay to try your best to be objective, because no one should be having completely subjective opinions on what’s going on between JM and JK, because we don’t know them on a personal level.

This is also why Tkkrs will never get me to see their side clearly. They do not operate with an as objective view point as possible. Everything on their end is subjective, because their interpretations are often based on their wants and not the reality of what is being shared with us. So it’s odd to me to see so many Jikookers veering down that route lately. You guys are wanting situations to be this or that, instead of interpreting what the situation is or appears to be.

[leatherbookmark]

Sometimes I think about omegaverse too much because like

There are some settings where it's common for the pack alpha to be the one responsible for punishments, usually spanking. So whenever a member of the pack does something wrong, they talk it out, but even after they admit to everything, apologize and say they won't do it again, the head alpha still administers spanking. Everyone understands and acknowledges that This Is The Best Way. Even when a pack member is so upset and defiant that they actively resist/fight the idea of being spanked, it happens to them in the end nonetheless.

And like... the impies... are fascinating.

BECAUSE: what does it mean in the context of children?

(I feel like omegaverse in general, despite all this "omegas get pregnant regardless of the primary gender" stuff, rarely thinks about children/teenagers as people. Merely concepts. I've read a fic where one's secondary gender presentation occurred in their very late teens, if not somewhere around university, and I just... this is similar to people only seeing in color once they meet their soulmate -- in their teens if they're lucky, even later if they're not. Like. Author I love that you're having fun but you did not spend five SECONDS considering this idea beyond "ooo it would be cool".)

Do people just... think spanking is good and works? Or the opposite: do they raise their children in a non-violent way, while spanking their partners? No, that makes no sense, the children would see that and wonder what's up. Is spanking only a thing in childless packs? Is spanking only a thing in packs that specifically are into that? But I haven't really seen any fics that would make it clear enough; it's usually a person going from a violently abusive pack to one that's "better" because it only uses spanking according to the packs rules. It's always "what, no, oh my god, we're not LIKE THAT... our violence is wholesome"

And I mean, I'm not saying spanking done by adults to adults is hashtag always bad abusive etc etc, it's just that I wish there was something more done with it? Another fic I've read (that I currently can't remember literally ANYTHING ELSE about, rip) had a character that, even after talking everything out in detail, including the proportion of whose fault it was, explanation for why the sides acted like they did etc, and forgiveness, still felt incredibly anxious and understimulated, and needed physical punishment to feel like "something" has occurred to make things okay again. It was a result of trauma, and I really liked it because usually you'd see authors making this part of the character magically healed by a gentle and loving partner who refuses to even think of violence -- but here, instead, the character's partner understood that this was the way their mind worked, and did their best to accomodate that in a safe and consensual way.

But most fics I've read don't really... do that. It's like, oh hi Steve, welcome to our pack, we're all really niceys to each other but if you are very mean to someone we are going to spank you on your bare ass. Well, and if you do something really bad, we're going to spank you until your ass is glowing like a stop light and you yourself are crying your eyes out! And everyone nods along like yes, this is normal and understandable, of course alpha, proceed alpha.

This is 100% because I simply am not the target for omegaverse stories (I don't like mpreg, I don't like tradwifey fuckhole omegas and dominant possessive alphas, and also it pisses me off when everyone smells like an explosion in a perfume store and it's supposed to be a good thing) and keep on reading them despite that, but the most interesting thing in omegaverse (or any "what if the world had catboys"-adjacent alternate universes) TO ME is the worldbuilding and it kind of :( that authors just ehhhh whatever it away so often.

[ceridescent]

But you know the killer doesn’t understand — M., Wanda

Actress!Wanda Maximoff x Actress!Female Reader

Summary: You genuinely had no idea why Wanda would call you, when everything she needs are within her reach. But then she asks you on a date downtown, and you say yes, because this way things will go back to the way it was. You learn how cruel hope could be.

Warnings: Heavy angst, toxic relationships, illicit affairs, mentions of pregnancy, allusion to homophobia.

Word count: 2, 432

Author’s note: Here’s a modified, detailed one-shot based on Phoebe Bridgers’ Moon Song! I made a very short one recently that I scrapped off here although it’s still present on my Ao3 account.

masterlist | navigation

I deceive myself that the throb of my chest conveys the excitement of seeing her again. Not pain, not betrayal. Only joy and acceptance.

It was quiet inside, almost lifeless, that I doubt the motive behind this, and I try not to, again.

A quiet exchange of relief begets — a subtle smile, none of the creases by my eyes.

“You came,” she sighs and my dimple pops out. “Of course,” I mumble, disregarding her failed attempt to hide her solemnity. I sit on the floor, behind the door, by her side. My head automatically rests on top of Wanda’s shoulders, stiff and unwelcoming. Shuddering due to my crisped and wet hair, my bones rattling not because of the hasty snowfall.

That didn’t stop me from moving, I think this was what was needed of me. Skin over skin, bonds laced, assurance.

“I rushed as soon as I could, I didn’t know snow was-“

“Hush.”

Wanda looks at me to command silence, her green eyes frighteningly fragile. She puckers her lips, finalizing her request, shaking her head as I whisper “I’m sorry,” lowering my head in shame. “Please don’t”

“Please”

Wanda pulls my neck into her, busy cradling my rotting body into her embrace, my neck sputtering burning blood leaking through the slit. She kisses me on top of my head and for a moment everything I’ve lost disappeared. “Warm enough?”

I look up at her small smile, “warm enough,” repeating the words we both want to hear. It is true. She keeps me warm whenever she can.

Wanda couldn’t have done that, she couldn’t have done that to me.

But she is happy now, almost there, my presence filling her lungs, the wilting roses tucked in between the spaces of her sternum unwilting. Soon, the thorns will be strong enough to pierce her. There would be nothing I could do to help.

I am close enough, I can guarantee by the smooth curve of her cheekbones highlighting her blush, the little light in her green eyes that just never shines bright.

Wanda found it difficult to speak recently, most of the time I had to scoot over and hear to her heartbeat, refusing to listen for my sake. Nonetheless in the end, I understand. That is the least I could do for her.

Thus the tilt of her head I welcome, the burn of her green gaze, the moisture of her lips.

Positioning herself to capture me with her lips — “I’m so grateful to you” — I feel her tongue bearing down on me before I could feel her kiss. Rushed and desperate and uncaring; the best way she knows how.

“I miss you”

I am beginning to shatter. I pull her for a kiss in return — the supple flesh, the reason behind it — until we both forget.

“I’m s-sorry, I…” breaking free, I disconnected without sight, shutting my eyes down before any of my other senses. “It’s just…”

“Don’t say anything else,” Wanda whispers and slides her fingers along the skin in between mine, looping them together before they fall. “Stay.”

She turns delicate, peppering kisses along my cheek and jaw each drop of my heartbeat, holding my face like holding a maimed bird. “We’ll go out, have much fun. I’ll take you out to this pub downtown where no one knows it’s us.”

“Are you asking me out on a date?”

Jests work out just fine between us. At least, that’s the normality we can’t shake.

Wanda pulls the middle of my hair so I’d look up, grinning widely. It's almost as if she's trying for an audition.

I just can’t stop being malicious like this.

Her other hand tucks my lengthening side bangs in the backs of my reddening ears, the other massaging my occipital.

“I want to take you out on a date,” she exhales, “I want to eat dinner with you without a care in the world. I want you-“ planting her lips against mine, sucking the air off my lungs. I need her as much.

Wanda tried to take it to the bedroom but I just can’t do it right now.

She smiles through it all, an emphatic nod without exchanging words. Nothing could undo what had been done. Wanda doesn’t let go of my hand.

Until she’s driving the car toward our destination, a park downtown with a nice view. She says there’s a big cherry blossom that I haven’t seen before, and when she can, squeeze my hands three times. It’s a method we’re deeply accustomed to, a cipher unable to be deciphered by the common people.

My love takes the lead in long strides, her and her big feet, and her big eyes that’s looking down at me all the time. It takes an effort — “you mesmerize me” — so I blush when I receive praise from her. She just knows what to say and what to do. Wanda sees me for who I am, and it only makes her bolder to stand by me. She knows me and she chooses me.

We don’t mention the bruises that colors my now patched skin, hidden in between shoulder and jaw. I’ll just have to wait for time to heal it, although it might take forevermore.

Strolling a safe, bare space in the midst of April, the snowfall I encountered was probably last, feels so liberating I believe I had shed a newer skin. Wanda helps by kissing me everywhere she could.

Without a care in the world it is, blabbering mouths and innocent laughter and fiery touches fill our thirty-minute conversation before we decide the weather is ailing for Wanda to remain outside longer, but not before we take snaps of each other under the big pink tree.

“I’ll take water, please, thank you”

The waiter jots down my lover’s refreshment and leaves the table. I am a grinning girl who can’t be helped. “What?” Wanda gives me a suspicious look that transitions into a smug smirk. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer.

“I like it better like this. Real and easy to touch. Very 4D,” I giggle and pinch her cheeks, pulling her in for a chaste kiss. A hearty laugh erupts from me seeing her face chasing my mouth. Wanda chuckles, blood rushing through her cheeks, “I-I feel…

“I feel like a teenage girl taking my crush out on our first date,” she confesses, hiding her face with her hands. “And how would you impress your girl crush on your first date?”

“Being here is enough, I suppose…”

“Lame! Lame! Lame!” I shout, booing her. She only coos and purrs like a defeated cat. “I can’t just play with you whilst we’re outside…it’s inappropriate,” Wanda reasons, rubbing the back of her neck as she purses her lips.

“Lame! Lame! Lame!” I repeat with the same emotion and reject the cowardly response of excusing myself to the restroom and have an awful five-minute breakdown. I could never hate Wanda for what she’d done, I could never hate her no matter the cause.

“Let’s talk, please, my love,” Wanda lowers her voice as she reaches for my hand, shaking even before she touches it. “We’re outside, I can’t do this right now-“

“Okay, fine! Do whatever you want,” she fumes, tossing my hand away, refusing to look at me until the server brought us the drinks. “Are you guys ready?”

“Yeah, we’re leaving. Come, Y/N.” I retaliate, sipping on my cocktail like I’m on a vacation. I’m supposed to. “Please,” she tries, “I’m tired, I’m getting suffocated-“

“I apologize for your condition, miss. Is it perhaps the heating system?”

Wanda begs more, “You can screw off, thanks for the concern. Honey, please, I need-“ and when that didn’t work, she

drags me out of the pub where we planned to make everything seem normal, to no avail. It’s natural, that when the edges of a picture have ripped apart, the center follows. Her heavy footfalls, quick and sturdy, impatient and agonizing whilst I trudged along. We come home disorientated, both for the same reason, one I cannot digest the longer she gives me the silent treatment.

I am paralyzed.

“Has this been happening a lot?”

“Maybe,” Wanda responds in a gurgle, nauseated, leaning her palms against the kitchen sink, wiping the residue off her mouth. “Sucks not to be around, huh?”

She tiptoes toward the couch, giving me an accusing look, wobbly as she throws herself on top of it to lay.

“You can’t talk to me like this right now!” I huff and rush to fish a bottle of water from the refrigerator and sit next to her, ignoring my moistening neck, back to spreading red, aiding Wanda’s hydration. My head is a bomb of worry, my heart palpitating in concern.

“Is this your first time? Talk to me, Wanda, please,” I beg, squeezing her hand it turns scarlet.

“I am talking to you,” she whispers, resting against the soft cushion, her mind elsewhere. She swats her hand away, hissing. “It is my first time. Say, you weren’t with me when we first scanned my belly, did you?”

“It is not my child, Wanda!” I burst, the suppressed emotions I had kept hidden came out like the applause and affirmations the masses have shown when they found out before me.

“The child isn’t mine, Wanda, but you-“

And my secret lover is crying now, the best actress of our generation, the wife of Vision to the public eye. “He’s yours he’s yours he’s yours,” she chants until it is enough for me to believe it.

She shakes her head, unable to get a hold of the situation, water leaking out of her fingers no matter how much she clasps onto it. “I thought you wanted this too?”

I can’t believe she’d say that.

“H-how could you say that?” I stammer in disbelief, shaking as I fall to my knees. I crawl to her and bow my head on her thighs, grasping what I can to bring me back to her. “I w-want the- you could have told me! You could have told me!”

Wanda reasons, “I was too overwhelmed I-“

“You don’t forget the one you love, Wanda!”

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I’m sorry, please, get up, don’t kneel-“ and even as I wish to oblige, I just can’t get up, the weight of her betrayal pinning me down. “You could have told me…before…before I found out from them…you could have told me if you wanted to…”

Please listen to me. Please listen to me.

She caresses my head, “I love you, Y/N. My baby…it’s-it-I’m sorry. I didn’t tell you for- so you- I couldn’t-“ ruffling her hair and hiding her tear-stained cheeks.

“F-for you. I didn’t want you to see because it would hurt you-“

“That is not up to you, Wanda!”

“-that you’re showing up as my friend, and not my lover- and you’re-he’s not-“

“You could’ve told me…I would’ve been by your side. That’s all I ever want…” I am begging her for something she cannot undo, something that has passed, something indelible. The three of us agreed to it, so I believed I had the right to know. It didn’t cross my mind they would begin to treat me like the press.

Harder she cries, apologizing. She pulls away from me, hugging her legs, caving in. “I don’t deserve you. You don’t deserve to be kept secret. I don’t deserve to hurt you.”

“N-no, don’t say that,” I countered, “you can’t say that, that only means you won’t try.”

Please don’t give up on me. Please don’t give up on me.

“Is there anything else I could do to stop you from hurting?” She looks at me like she is losing hope in us, but most especially in herself.

“It doesn’t matter now, okay? It happened, and I’m okay with this pain-“ I pat my chest, nodding my head, “I’m okay- we are t- you did it to protect me. We do this to protect ourselves. You hear me?” I reach out and place a palm on her quivering leg, making her turn around. “Don’t turn your back on this, you’re only saying that because you regret it,” I weep, “don’t give up on me, please.”

“I just want to love you in plain sight.

I want to love you without dividing it with someone else.”

I share a bitter smile, “will you? Give it all up for me?” already knowing the answer.

“We both know it’s impossible,” I say, speaking for her. Wanda hugs her body closer, unable to look me in the eye. “I love you,” she says so quietly it’s as if it was never uttered.

The rest of my happiness never mattered if Wanda wasn't involved. If it isn’t Wanda, what else is there to live for?

“I was supposed to give you a good night,” she sniffles and wipes the snot clogging her nose.

“It’s okay. Just let me love you, please. Let me be here.”

Please don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me.

“I called you,” Wanda begins quietly, “I called you,” repeating it in a loud tone, wavering. “You didn’t pick up, I thought-“

“You tried?”

“I tried,” she wept, reaching for my hand. “I’m sorry.”

What makes that sorry different from all your other sorry’s before, my love?

I chuckle, shaking my head. “You called me three hours after they got a hold of your pregnancy leak. You called me to apologize.”

“I-“ Acid tears leak out of her green eyes, a pool of never ending guilt and sadness. Wanda whimpers, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” reeling off her favorite words. What else could she say to this?

She’s paralyzed, “I’m sorry,” fading into the abyss. Whimpering, I get up and pace in the living room. “You didn’t mean it?” I call, fighting the urge to weep again. “Right? You didn’t?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she keens, shifting slightly, her gaze planted in me. “I love you.”

“It’s okay…” I mumble, going back to Wanda, kneeling down so I can meet her starry eyes. “…it’s alright. I get it. Hey,” I pause, grounding her, rubbing my thumb over her knuckles, “I get it. I understand. It’s okay, it’s— I’ll be fine,” running my fingertips over her crown when she bowed, “don’t you worry.”

“Are we okay?” Wanda croaks, nuzzling her cheek on my palm, whispering the very same words. “We’re okay,” I smile bitterly, “we’ll be fine,” uttering the words we both want to hear, until it runs out of meaning. I hope to God it never will.

[metatiki]

In Memoriam of Stories Untold

Or, Musings on the Benefit of The Three Choices of Veilguard

(To make it clear, I know this whole affair is a place of high emotion and disappointment to many. I simply wish to present a different side. My side. Also I get wordy - which is nothing new, I know. Thank you to anyone who chooses to read my maudlin musings.)

This is Kethry Aeducan, not my Canon Warden, but still one of my Warden babies:

Kethry dealt with the Blight with the same straightforward practicality as she did with everything else: on point and with a certain amount of brusqueness. She lacked the subterfuge and ambition of her brother Bhelen, who took advantage in a way that changed the course of her life forever and catapulted her ultimately into the role of Hero of Ferelden and Paragon of her people. However, along the way she found friends she never would have encountered as a noble dwarf in Orzammar, most importantly among them the woman who became the love of her life: Leiliana.

After I finished her story in DAO & DAA, I spent a little time crafting their retirement. Kethry trained up another Grey Warden to replace her as Warden-Commander, and she and Leliana traveled Thedas with a leisure they could never have experienced during the Blight. They sought out the most ridiculous shoes they could for Leliana, and an equally silly collection of hair ribbons for Leliana to weave into Kethry's hair for their nightly ritual of conversation and relaxation while Leliana's fingers danced through her lover's hair. It wasn't an exciting life (aside from the occasional bear) but it was the perfect life for someone who know she would never have the pleasure of dying of old age in her lover's arms.

And then DA2 came out.

Suddenly their quiet life wasn't so quiet because apparently Leliana had been busy out on a search with Cassandra for Hawke. All right. I made adjustments and delayed their retirement a little bit longer, but assumed that at some point she and Kethry would still get their time together.

And then DAI came out, and Kethry basically lost Leliana to Divine Justinia. No retirement. No traveling together. No spending their time idling in camp while Leliana wove braids into Kethry's hair. Instead, Leliana had been the Left Hand of the Divine, the sinister hand, all along, squeezing in time with Kethry as best as she could but putting off their already shortened happily ever after by ten full years. So I mourned the loss of the world state I'd built them as I reconstructed it, moved ten years of their time into headcanon, and updated her world state in the Keep.

But it was not the story I had originally chosen for Kethry.

~~~

This is Kamila Hawke, who is my Canon Hawke:

Kamila's life in Kirkwall broke them slowly over time. Torn between the need to provide for their family and their mother's lingering bitterness around Carver's death, Kamila tried their best to navigate the streets of Kirkwall while also trying to find their way from 'daughter' to 'son' but getting stuck in uncertainty somewhere along the way. Their friends did what they could, but by the time the Arishok had been dealt with and Meredith became a statue of angry red corruption on the flagstones of Kirkwall, the spark of anger which had driven Kamila for years finally sputtered and dimmed. They kept in contact with Varric the longest, but eventually even that trickle of messages stopped. One day Varric received Kamila's heavy sword from a traveling dwarf merchant, accompanied only by the short message: I'm sorry, Varric. Keep Bethany safe. Varric mourned the loss, comforted Bethany on the loss of her last sibling, and made sure that Hawke's story would never be forgotten in the only way he knew how.

And then DAI came out. Yes, I could have left Kamila's story well enough alone, but they were still my Canon Hawke, and I had a Canon world state I wanted to use. So, once again, I shifted a world state from 'canon' to 'headcanon', brought Kamila back from the Void, and gave them a new ending, one where they defiantly stood against a Nightmare to give someone else a chance to finish what they could not.

But it still wasn't the story I had chosen for them.

~~~

This is Martin Trevelyan, my Canon Inquisitor, with the man he loves more than any other:

(art by xla-hainex)

This is, of course, years after the tumultuous events of the Inquisition. Martin and Dorian have settled into a comfortable relationship of loving understanding, Dorian of Martin's constant need to be on the move and Martin of Dorian's duties and responsibilities as a Magister and one of the leaders of a movement to improve the Imperium from within. But it is still a life full of love and nightly conversation, whether in person over a glass of wine or via a small device that hums with magic.

The experience with Kethry and Kamila (among other Wardens and Hawkes whose stories I had to change) have made me hesitant to imagine too many details for him, particularly knowing that the Inquisitor was more than likely going to show up in the next Dragon Age game. I felt bold imagining them as they are above, older and happy and enjoying life together, but it felt like a place they would come to, even if they did so later rather than sooner. Ever since they confirmed the Inquisitor would be in the new game and started giving more details, I have been bracing myself, wondering how I would have to change Martin's story and what I would lose.

And then came the whole '3 Choices' Debate. And...I'm happy.

Oh, Martin's story isn't out of the woods yet, of course. Dorian might be in Veilguard, after all, and Martin will be. Evil gods are stalking the North and shenanigans will, indeed, ensue, and right now I have no idea what, ultimately, will happen. But from what we have learned, with the narrow focus of what past decisions will be considered to appear in Veilguard, I feel that I can hope that, for once, I may be able to keep the story I chose for my Trevelyan.

And I admit, I appreciate that freedom. I know there are many who are mourning the loss of what could have been, but I, for once, am able to hope for what should be, and not worry that Martin's story will be untold.

[courtofmatchups]

You're out here doing the lords work, and I need to thank you for scratching the itch in my brain lol. Good fortune for you and your loved ones, may the lines you encounter always be short, and may you have endless creativity. Hell yeah, brother.

Could I ask for a Tokyo Debunker matchup? I'm willing to do a trade, too, if you're interested! I've only written for a few characters between Obey Me and tkdb, but I'd def love to repay the kindness.

So, hi. I'm Birds, or Birdy. She/her, bisexual/maybe ace? gray-ace? one of those, at least.

Appearance: 5'9, pale, super wavy dark blonde/light brown hair, and hazel eyes. I have a deceptively cute round face and big glasses. i've been told that I give off a naturally sweet and impish impression because of that. I'm also fairly slim, but there's definitely a layer of chicken nugget insulation for warmth and comfort.

MBTI/Zodiac: INFP and Gemini

About me: I tend to spend most of my time in my head, and I can easily come off as ditzy or standoffish. I have inattentive ADHD and I'm really introverted, so typically I try not to speak up unless I have something worth saying. I keep a few close friends and tend to unload all of my thoughts from the day on them (and as quiet as I am, I talk a mile a minute when I'm excited or explaining something interesting.) Multiple people have told me (to my face c':) that they were shocked by how intelligent I actually am. And yeah, maybe math and spelling aren't my thing, but for the most part, my silly goose hat is a choice. I have trouble speaking my thoughts out loud, so I'm a big fan of burying my negative emotions as deep as possible until i'm a walking shell of a person, self-sabotaging, and using swear words or memes to express myself. But what I lack in, like, everything else, I make up for by being as good of a friend as possible. I love making the people I care about laugh just as much as I love messing with them and I'm willing to make myself look like a fool to make them smile.

Hobbies: Writing, reading, sewing, and then whatever little hobbies I pick up and then forget about in a week. A fun fact about me is that I once spent over 8 hours on the phone my best friend doing nothing but discussing our oc's.

Likes: spooky/whimsical things, fairy lights, making my loved ones laugh and/or roll their eyes, small, comfortable nooks to hide in, music (any genre, it's just gotta match the vibes), dating sims, fandom history (putting together a legit presentation on the history of zines in fan studies rn), and holding hands c:

Dislikes: Loud places, bright lights, speaking to people without being able to prepare myself, not having headphones somewhere on me, people who go out of their way to be mean, objectively dumb opinions being said confidently, and any perceived wrong done to my loved ones

Qualities I look for: Patience and physical affection. I'm a forgetful mess and I'm mean enough to myself without someone else getting frustrated with me, and casual affection like hugs and hand holding give me something to ground myself with. They'd need to see me as a partner and best friend rather than Conventionally Attractive Girl, too. My Manic Pixie has been Dream Girl'ed more than enough.

Thank you again!

It seems to me you've captured the heart of...

Haku Kusanagi!

I could see a few others being potential matches, Like Alan or Haru, but I feel like Haku would be the best match for you. Hear me out: I feel like he'd be initially drawn in by your silly and whimsical nature. Haku likes being around sharp and witty people. He's pretty easygoing and will tease you, but he doesn't go out of his way to be mean. He does tease you about being in the clouds at times, but he does like that dreamy side of you. He's not too picky about appearances when it comes to partners, so even more reason he's a great match for you.

As for your tendency to yap about anything that interests you, you can bet that he would like to see you get so animated about the things you like, but you might need to slow it down so he could understand what you're talking about. He will tell you though.

Haku doesn't really have a set preference for hobbies, he just enjoys making memories with his partner, so any hobby either of you choose to do would be a fun and stimulating experience.

Haku is also pretty emotionally intelligent, so he'll be able to help walk you through the emotions you're feeling. He's a patient man, and will understand if you mess up for one reason or another. He'll also help if that happens. And don't worry about physical affection, he will shower you with that in the event you're feeling down and cannot articulate your feelings in a way other than "I need a hug right now."

All in all, I see a happy relationship between the two of you

[dangermousie]

Farscape rewatch: 2x11 Look at the Princess Part 1

This three-parter is one of my fave eps and I think classic Farscape: taking the usual scifi trope and remaking it into something unique. On the surface, the set-up is something that has been done before, not just in scifi but in adventure lit of Victorian era: our brave Earthling (or Big Game Hunter, or Aristocratic Englishman) ends up having to pretend/be the groom of local royalty. Because he is so awesomely superior and attractive, of course. See Prisoner of Zenda and 8 million other titles. But this is Farscape, so this is not the case at all. When John is being chased, it’s never anything good  (I keep thinking of the fact that when Farscape finally decided to do the good old ‘hero must have more than one woman’ thing, they had Crichton raped by Grayza. In general, Crichton’s uniqueness brings him nothing but misery.) Here, the ‘other culture’ is far superior to the Earth one in its advancement, it’s powerful and needs no favors from anyone. Moreover, there is no ‘love’ or ‘he is so attractive’ on the part of the ‘natives.’ The reason Crichton works is, precisely, because in this world he is the genetic screw-up so he works as a mate for Katralla whose DNA has been messed with.

Nor is John someone who falls for the exotic Princess, or heroically rushes to the rescue of the kingdom out of noblesse oblige. He fights being married tooth and nail and then ‘unheroically’ surrenders to it when faced with threat of being turned over to Scorpius, and then saves everything only out of desperation and at the end, he is confronted with loss: his inability to kill Scorpius, the fact that he will never see his future child.

You know, I’ve forgotten how sharp the dialogue in Farscape is and how easily is can alternate between heart-breaking and completely funny. I keep thinking of the scene with John and D’Argo where John talks to D’Argo about hope and how “I have hope or I have nothing” and it’s an utterly heartbreaking scene:

(D’Argo pointing out his alternative is brain dissection by Scorpius is so very on brand - there is never an easy out or a good choice and a bad choice, just a bunch of bad choices.)

But anyway, it’s heartbreaking...

But it segues right into the bit of cultural misunderstanding about what ‘best man’ means and it’s now funny.

(Side note - will always love that D’s objection to what he thinks is John is propositioning him is “I am in a relationship already” and not anything else.)

D is a really good friend to John in this. They’ve come a long way since s1. Only a good friend would tolerate being constantly interrupted in his activities with Chiana (I love that John is so freaked by his future he merely registers her there and continues talking). John needs a friend badly at LATP. He doesn’t know it, but his insanity breakdown has began for real (he tells Aeryn he hears Scorpy in his head and she shrugs it off as paranoia. It must be pretty awful for John to have the one person you fear and hate the most always present). It’s a shudder-inducing scene in retrospect as it would be bad enough if it were PTSD but as is (Aeryn’s asking if 80 years as a statue is better than Scorpius here shows how much she does not yet get just how damaged John got by all of this; she will by the end of s2 but the price will be horrific.)

He is trapped by the Empress (whom I am not a fan of. I understand the necessity, but people who have no problems using other people as pawns are not a fave. And the whole setup is seriously proof as to why monarchy is a bad form of government - they are one bad ruler away from disaster). And then there is Scorpy. I love that John’s reaction to Scorpy is purely visceral, unreasoning. He is terrified and the way he uncontrollably flashbacks to his torture is evident on his face, and he tries to jest and put bravado but it all falls hollow.

He cannot control himself. I don’t think anyone else, not even Crais or Grayza, comes close to eliciting such a reaction out of him. Crais did a number on him physically, Grayza raped his body, and both hunted him assiduously, but Scorpius raped his mind and that’s his most important faculty in the mad world he’s thrust into. (But I love that even with all of that, he still asks Katralla what she wants not just as a last ditch hope of escape but because he does not believe in forcing people.) And now, I want to discuss my favorite stuff: John and Aeryn. I find myself both very frustrated with Aeryn through these eps (until the end of ep 3) and understanding completely where she comes from. She might deny that her wanting this marriage off is jealousy but Chiana can see it. I think in a way Crichton can too, but he needs her to give him something, anything to indicate reciprocity, that she would one day want to have something with him. The worst is when she says she won’t come to the wedding. She pushes a lot and wants a lot but tries to give nothing in return and yes that is very unfair but she is terrified, being with John would be the first real relationship she would have and she cannot handle the exposure, not yet. She can deal with the sex but she cannot deal with feelings. Her ambivalence is totally encapsulated in the first scene: she scents her hair so John would notice and tells him so later but when he does, she freaks and pulls away. He leans in for a kiss and she kisses him back but then breaks off. No wonder John is going insane.  I always die a little of swoon when they discuss the hair oil and she says that she will tell Zhaan he found her oils pleasing and he responds, both frustrated and trying to convince her desperately: ‘It’s you I find pleasing. Oh boy. She desperately needs to make it all about sex (something she is used to and familiar with). Crichton only wants her for sex, he is a walking horndog on legs etc etc, because she wants to deny any of her own feelings and any of his.

After having seen the entirety of Farscape, I melt a little when she sees Crichton interact with the simulacrum of his child and she realizes that he would want a child, that children are important to him. But also - as I mentioned, this is one child Crichton will never meet and he just has to live with it, there are no clean victories (side note, I loved that John was the one who wanted the emotions and the marriage and the baby and Aeryn had to think long and hard; such delicious reversal.)

P.S. Rygel/Aeryn kiss will never cease being funny. But also extra hilarious in light of his becoming her baby’s surrogate later, heeee.

PPS Ain’t it the truth

[lythea-creation]

Hidden - Hiba x fem reader

summary: "But in reality, everyone is going through something. And everyone has something to lose. And everyone is trying to keep their secret hidden. But if their secret gets out, their turn will come."

warnings: self-harm, mentions of suicide, so much angst

word count: 997

Author's note: Feel free to check out my Masterlists and make requests. No reposting please! Reblogging, comments and requests are always appreciated <3 If you like the story/my writing, please don't be shy to say it via comments or asks! It takes you a few seconds and might make my day. It's the best appreciation you can show to a writer you like.

Requested? Yes

--------------------

I smiled when I noticed Tasneem helping Hiba out with her make-up. It was about damn time the two made up.

Hiba would have never admitted it, but it had been obvious to me that she had been upset about their fight.

As they were smiling at each other, I concentrated back on my image in the mirror, giving my best to make look my face as good as it could get.

Everyone was out of their mind today, too focused on presenting their project to pay their mind to anything else.

I was almost finished with my make-up when Hiba appeared behind me, placing her hands on my shoulders. If I had not seen her in the mirror, I would have ruined my make-up by that move.

“Hey, gorgeous”, Hiba greeted me with a grin.

“I'm so excited”, I proclaimed, flashing her a bright smile. “I can't wait to perform.”

“Come on over, you two”, Tasneem exclaimed. “We're taking some pictures together.”

She did not need to tell us twice.

I quickly finished my make-up before we both walked over to our friends.

I had missed all of us hanging out together without Sarah standing in between us. It was not like I hated Sarah or anything; just the way her presence had torn our group apart.

Nevertheless I had given my best to stay cheerful even during that time.

Preparing for our performance, taking pictures and laughing together made it all feel like nothing had changed. Deep inside I knew that it was different now, but I liked this illusion more.

I treasured every second of our performance. It was feeling empowering to finally bring it onto stage. The endorphins stayed with me even after.

Hiba and I sat down with the other girls, while Tasneem joined Nadeen. I was not sure how Hiba felt about it. Honestly I was not sure how Hiba was feeling most of the time as she did not let me see her vulnerable side.

I inched a bit closer to her. Nobody would question sharing an armrest.

My curiosity about Shams' film grew when the lights were dimmed and the music started playing. I had not expected to appear in it myself though. Well … not just me, but all my friends as well. Me as a part of the popular girls …

That was fine, until there was a clip of me staring myself down in the mirror of the restroom.

“You're so stupid”, I heard my voice echoing from the speakers. “How could you think that you were worthy of being part of their group?”

The image of myself was pulling roughly at her hair in frustration, desperation.

Out of shock I sat up straight, moving away from Hiba in the process. My eyes were glued to the screen.

“Of course you're worthless”, I insulted my own reflection as my nails were burying into my arm, scratching over it until drawing blood.

Unconsciously my hand moved over my sleeve, some scratch wounds still not healed.

“Don't even think you could ever change”, I talked myself down.

It felt like all eyes were on me. Probably because they actually were.

Panic rose inside of me as my eyes searched for Hiba, although she was literally right next to me.

For a second I forgot everything else because of Hiba's concerned expression. I had never seen her worried before. It took me completely off guard.

Before she could react or I realized what I was doing, I jumped up and hurried away, not looking back.

The panic had only settled for a second after all. Now it was back full force, the video clip reminding me of all the insecurities I was trying hard to keep down every day.

“(f/n)”, Hiba called out behind me.

But instead of waiting for her, I ran; my inner voice spurring me on.

Maybe I had misread her. Maybe she was not worried but pitiful. Maybe she wanted to break up with me now that she had noticed that I was not the person I always put on display.

Unfortunately Hiba was taller and faster than me, catching up in no time. The breathing difficulties were not exactly helping me escape either.

“(f/n), please just stop”, Hiba requested, panting. “Shit! I didn't know you were so fast.”

She turned me around to face her, not minding that we were still in a corridor. After all everyone else was busy watching the film.

“You're an idiot”, Hiba declared.

Just as expected.

“How can you talk to yourself like that? I don't get it”, she claimed.

“Huh?” I was utterly confused, my brain refusing to work properly.

“You know I'm not good with words when it comes to stuff like this”, she remarked overwhelmed. “I just … I don't want you to hurt yourself. I know I don't say it enough, but … I love you, ya know.”

I stared at her, dumbfounded and speechless.

Instead of trying to explain herself more, she pulled me into her arms.

“I'm sorry”, she whispered.

After some time I hugged her back. When I let go again, I noticed her wet cheeks and puffy eyes. My strong and stubborn girlfriend had just cried; right in front of me.

“I never told anyone, but … my mom's car accident wasn't actually an accident. She killed herself. I found her suicide note”, Hiba proposed. “Everything changed since then and I never planned to let anyone as close as you, but I just had no choice. You didn't let me. Please, just talk to me!”

Now I was the one to embrace her in a tight hug.

Honestly I had never considered that my actions toward myself might hurt someone else. Nevertheless I was not sure if I could just stop.

“I'll try, okay?”, I promised.

As an answer her hold on me grew even tighter.

--------------------

Special shoutout and thanks to @jj156 for being here all this time and making this request. Your voice matters!

Tag List: @sunwoniie

[oneshotnewbie]

Do you do song fiction? If so, can you do 'Sabotage' from Bebe Rexha with Olivia x Reader?

---

🎵 Why do I sabotage everything I love? It's always beautiful until I fuck it up.🎵

"No, it is over with us." those words kept ringing in Olivia´s head.

Your voice shrouded in a brine of sadness, anger and betrayal. She looked at you pleadingly, wanting you to stay but with these words, you walked out of her apartment with all your belongings and left the otherwise tough woman wince in place when you slammed the door in her face with a cruel bang.

🎵 Tell myself I'm safe and lonely With nobody else to break my heart Even though I know you'd never I'm my own worst enemy and think you are🎵

Olivia sat on the floor, her arms wrapped tightly around her legs that were pressed firmly against her body. Tears ran freely from her eyes, cascading down her cheeks and forming a lake down her chin. She had lost her best friend. Her soulmate. The woman she never wanted to hurt and forever keep at her side.

You were her only footing, her pillar in the sea of weary and tiring days that blurred into one another without which she could not be. With you, she found peace, comfort and true love that touched her for the first time and completely enveloped her into a bubble.

But all that seemed over from now on.

🎵 Matches in my back pocket I'm the queen of burning bridges I will only let you down🎵

Olivia started hating herself. It was not her best friends fault that seduced her into kissing him. It was alone her fault. She had fallen for him because of the hopeless and tricky situation she had been during a case and he had just been there- She alone had chosen to be the bad guy in this.

Elliot was her past and you her present. And she wanted you to be her future too.

🎵Why do I sabotage everything I love? It's always beautiful until I fuck it up Why do I sabotage everything I love? The walls are closing in because I built them up🎵

The Lieutenant was suddenly overcome by an urge for oxygen and panicked when she could not get it. The feeling of her body being on fire spread through her veins while her heart grew emptier and colder from your absence. The warmth evaporated from her like a drop on a hot stone.

She felt her heart clench inside, thousand tiny, sharp needles puncturing it; a frighteningly familiar feeling.

🎵Why can't I let myself be happy? (Ooh) Why do I gotta get in my own way? (Ooh) My shoes are worn out, always runnin' From the reasons that I really wanna stay🎵

For the first time in a long while, she felt fear flare up inside her. The overwhelming silence in the lonely and deserted apartment crushed her and she cried out in desperation, but not a sound left her lips.

What had she done? Why would she jeopardize your relationship just to know how it feels to kiss her best friend in a moment of weakness?

The brunette had been stupid. Of all the horrible mistakes she made in her life, this was by far the stupidest she had ever done. How was she supposed to survive without the most important person in her life?

🎵Why do I sabotage everything I love? It's always beautiful until I fuck it up Why do I sabotage everything I love? The walls are closing in because I built them up🎵

She rocked back and forth sobbing bitterly. Lonely and alone, lost and abandoned, she sat there and her heart ached. She pressed her palm firmly against her chest, gasping with an reddened face as her hand slid over her ribs. Her cold fingers gripped her sweater, wishing she could hold your hands instead.

Many who knew Olivia might describe her as a strong woman, but that was just the side of herself she showed on the outside. Inside, life had torn her soul into pieces and hurt her as a result.

Only when you came along and gave her the time she needed to get used to you, you subconsciously had glued the shattered pieces of her heart together with love and adoration.

🎵So don't let me hope too high Don't let me hope too high🎵

The memories tugged at her heart. The atmosphere around her began to cool down as if you had soaked up the energy from the otherwise cheerful rooms and carried them with you when you left, sending a chill down her spine.

Olivia knew that she would feel empty, every second would feel like torture for as long until you were with her again.

🎵 'Cause I will find a way to tear it down every time Don't let me hope too high When everything is right 'Cause I will find a way to tear it down every time I sabotage everything I love It's always beautiful until I fuck it up Why do I sabotage everything I love?🎵

Olivia missed your stubborn, cheeky and at the same time loving nature around her already. Strong and unique, maybe even extraordinary, she had come to know and love you and sparked a close bond between friendship and relationship that ended in family.

After each setback, you'd gotten back up and kept going. You had experienced and survived the most diverse and dangerous adventures together. Defeated the worst of the worst. Together.

And now it all just ended like this. Because of a broken and crushed heart.

🎵 It's always beautiful until I fuck it up Why do I sabotage everything I love? The walls are closing in because I built them up Why do I sabotage?🎵

[heartofspells]

Holli... How am I supposed to choose between crush, you and along the broken edge?? 😭😭😭 (also a working sentence that. Crush you along the broken edge, yk)

But I'm going with along the broken edge bc I miss the boys

Ahahahaha! I might use that at some point, I won't lie.

But YES, you can have some Broken Edge! I also miss the boys and I'm going to be getting back to them very soon now that things have calmed down in my life (and head, ha!). Have a best boy Remus Lupin speech.

--

Remus remembers, once, when he was younger, too many days and questions in between, thanking the universe for the unthinkable, the never in his wildest dreams imaginable boy it had presented to him like a reward for hardship. He'd never stopped thanking it, not once throughout the years, no matter the pain that had come with all the loss. Never going away, Remus has been willing to fall on his knees every day since, overcome with gratefulness for having simply been allowed to lay his eyes on that dark head and those shining eyes. Even with losing him, with all the heartache that had come after, with that forever pit dug out in the depths of his stomach and the way his heart had always felt lodged just at the base of his throat, Remus had been indescribably better for knowing him, for hearing that ringing, barking laugh and watching that face light up like the first glimpses of the sun after a devastating storm.

Sirius Black – Padfoot – had altered him irrevocably, set his life on a path Remus had never anticipated, crafting his coming days in a way unfathomable before he'd existed within Remus' orbit, even if only for a while.

"Do you believe in soulmates?"

Staring at him, grey eyes guarded but sparking with curiosity, Remus isn't sure what he expects to come from the question. Possibly a bitter, head-tossing laugh raking out of a constricted throat, or maybe a sharp denial, claiming Remus to be mad. Whatever he may have guessed, it would have never been silence.

"Do you, Sirius?" he presses, leaning forward the smallest amount, barely a shift but still there, present and needed in the moment. Remus doesn't wait for an answer. "I never did. I never believed in most of it. Heaven and God, fate, some sort of predetermined destiny. Why would I because what have I ever been given to make it feel logical? Every good thing in my life always got ripped away in the cruelest, roughest way, you most of all. I lost you so completely, just like everything else I could never hold onto, and I told myself that was fine because…none of it was real. Nothing was ever meant to happen, sculpted into existence for a specific purpose. The strings of fortune were never on my side, except maybe for only a handful of months when I was thirteen."

Swallowing thickly, Remus chances a step forward, surprised when Sirius stands still, not offering to move. It seemingly shocks him as well, eyelids blinking over a mystified grey gaze.

"I still don't believe in any of it," continues Remus, voice soft, every part of him open, nothing held back, not ever again. "Not a paradise once we're gone from this world, not in some…some being watching every move we make, judging us, as if anything would ever care that much. I don’t believe things are meant to happen one way over another. I don't believe one part of it, but…soulmates. That feels different, somehow. It feels different because of you."

Shaking his head as Remus steps forward again, Sirius says sharply, "It's just pretty words. It doesn't mean anything."

"Maybe," agrees Remus vaguely, conceding a bit, "or maybe not." Sirius scoffs loudly, eyes shifting away briefly, but Remus doesn't react, watching him closely, cataloguing the pinch to his brows, the crease forming between them, the way his mouth wobbles so faintly that it's barely noticeable but there all the same. "What else could it be except that? We keep getting thrown together repeatedly, bodily running into one another, as kids, in the shop, through acquaintances that shouldn't exist in such a large place but somehow do. You get injured after years of nothing, no major accidents and here I am, searching for exactly you in everyone I've ever accepted, armed with the specific skills you needed in that moment all because of a…a fucking tragedy that tore us apart in the first place.

"None of it should have lined up, not even once, but it did and has, over and over again. You shouldn't have been exactly what I needed in that moment on that wall all those years ago, but you were, and you never stopped," pushes Remus plaintively, feeling breathless now, hands twitching to reach out and simply touch, just to reassure himself Sirius is still real and here. "The universe keeps tossing us together except it's not, it's giving, and for once in my life all I want is to be selfish and take because I want you more than anything else, past, present, or future. All I have ever wanted is you before I even knew you existed. I laid in my bed as a kid, staring at my ceiling, trying to keep the dizziness and sickness away, praying to a god I don't believe in for you, Sirius. Only ever you."

Want a snip?

[canyouhearthelight]

Nihilus Rex Ch. 10: First Move

This chapter took 2 weeks to write. One to hash out what all our intrepid villains would need to do to pull this off, and one to actually write the chapter and make sure all bases are covered.

I and @baelpenrose have taken very few liberties with what this trio is doing, but I want to double-down on his note from the previous chapter: trying this would not only be extremely illegal, but in 2024 it wouldn't even remotely work. Especially not the lien release part: most of those records are digital now, and each bank has maybe four people total with the level of access required to release them. Maybe four.

Cause I am, I am

A little wicked

I am, I am

Hands red, hands red

Just like you said

I am, a little wicked

Valerie Broussard, “A Little Wicked”

After two detours - one to find another thermos, the other to fill both - we managed to make our way to a mall so old and worn-looking that even Spirit Halloween would give it a pass. Nils led us around to a side entrance before holding the door open with a sweeping gesture.  I rolled my eyes good naturedly, Bishop groaning behind me as we shouldered past.  Pausing to rub the dust from an old map with one sleeve, I found what I was looking for and glanced up. “Please tell me the stairs are in good shape?  Best Buy is all the way on the fourth floor.”

“They are, and it is, but we won’t need either.”  I suppressed a shiver as he reached past me to tap a location on our same level. “Sears.  The television section is down here, and the cable connections are still intact.”

“And we didn’t enter on that side because…?” Bishop asked, seeing how far away it looked on the map.

“Internet is up, power doors are not,” came the dry answer. “And this door was the only one I could get my hands on a key for.” 

“How did you - “ I started.

“You don’t want to know, Baklava. Plausible deniability - if anyone gets busted, Nothing did the breaking and entering, we weren’t aware he wasn’t lawfully here.” Hiking his bag further up on his shoulder, Bishop grunted. “Let’s go.”

Walking through the mall gave the eerie impression of being a zombie movie - rustling could be heard constantly, along with voices coming from beyond some of the locked grates covering storefronts. Squatters, I realized. Better use of the space than just leaving it here to rot, I thought approvingly. At least they aren’t freezing to death outside.

“Anyway.” Nils led the way into the employee break room in the Sears, one where he’d clearly helped himself to a few of the beanbags from the small furniture store, and locked the door behind us. “Router is behind the counter. We got wifi, we have a place to sit, we have work to do. Everyone, grab a beanbag or a chair. Local squatters won’t bother us in here - there’s an arrangement. I paid for a generator, they don’t mess with my stuff, and stay out of my way when I need to do a thing.” 

I made a mental note to bring food next time, provided I could figure out a way to bring it without Nils or Bishop noticing - last thing I needed was Bishop informing Nils about my stray-cat tendencies.  Grabbing a bean bag and an abandoned tray to set my computer on, I nested in and started getting everything connected.  Once I was happy with where everything was at, I dug in my bag for some snacks, pulling them out triumphantly before realizing Nils and Bishop were staring at me.

“What? You said we had work to do.”

Nils started snickering. “Not that. Just. Never known anyone who brought chili pistachios to a hack job. That’s all.” He shrugged. “Kind of cool.” 

“Creampuff. You and I both know if it was anyone else - like me, or even like Shade, you’d be saying something that would end with everyone either laughing or punching your lights out.” Harvey glanced at him with exasperation.

I offered some of my snack. “Keep the nut jokes to a minimum and I’ll share.”

“Please, Lash. We are not WintermuteWeasel. We come up with classier jokes than that when there is a lady present.” Nils replied, with faux-dignity. 

“In that case, I won’t offer you this,” I sighed dramatically, holding up a bag of homemade jerky. “Because god forbid you put my meat in your mouth.”

Bishop leaned past Nils. “I will gladly put your meat and your nuts in my mouth,” he managed to deadpan, making me throw my head back laughing before handing over both pistachios and jerky.

Nils blinked. “Apologies, clearly I misunderstood your sense of humor. My apologies. I’d do this casually, but you now strike me as the type who’d doubtless prefer a bit of begging for the privilege of your tasty, tasty nuts. Please…” He gave me giant puppy dog eyes and fell out of his bean bag chair, doing his best attempt at looking pathetic, not quite topping how he’d looked when bleeding in a torn suit, but much, much funnier. 

I surrendered and nodded for Bishop to pass the snacks over. “And don’t worry, I didn’t cook any of these, so they taste really good. Fair warning, the lamb jerky is - “

“Hooooleee crap,” Bishop gasped around a mouthful, grabbing a bottle of water and taking a big swig. “Spicy. Very very spicy. Lots of cilantro spicy, was not prepared.”

“That,” I finished lamely. “So go slow or we’ll never get any work done.  Speaking of the Weasel… Any word?”

“Called him, he should be calling back in….” His phone started ringing. “Now. I’ll deal with him, try to keep quiet, both of you. It’s gonna be easier if you two don’t acknowledge that I’m buying for you so he doesn’t hold up the sale for something gross, you know?” He stepped off. “Wintermute, yeah. Best icebreaker. Needs to be less than 30MB. Able to tear through the absolute best encryption out there? Can you do it?”

Something on the other end.

“Need to get a worm and a data bomb through it, and be able to activate the data bomb on the other end after the worm has had time to work. No, you don’t need to know what for. You just need to know the parameters. High end, government encryption. Less than 30MB file size.” Harvey got tense, and began rolling his eyes, held the phone away from his head for a minute. He began doing ducklips - might have picked that up from me.

Eventually he put it back to his head. “Yeah, I get it’ll be expensive. No, no I will not disclose who I’m working with. Cash only payments. Yeah, I can pay that.” 

He hung up. “Great. He’ll meet me in a few weeks. He bitched about it, a lot, but after a bit he said he could do it. It’ll ring three thousand. Each of you down to cover a grand?” 

I squinted and did some mental math. “Yeah, I can cover that.” I’d have to bite the bullet and work on some more anime commissions, but the money was practically sitting there otherwise.  “Richie McWhiteboy, you don’t need to auction off a leather jacket or anything, do you?”

“You know what’s sad? I am so useless in so many ways, but I have the kind of academic credentials where I get paid to research for the university as a grad student as long as I keep helping professors with their research and it covers rent. All my jobs basically just cycle in paying for other jobs and expenses. And I still have money left over to give away. Yeah, I can throw a thousand - probably a little more if it’ll take strain off of you two.”

Bishop winked at me. “Ah, to have rich people problems, right?”

I threw my hands up. “I will totally take financial help in providing snacks and decent coffee. Titties only get me so far.”  Belatedly, I realized what I had said and covered my face with both hands. “ART!” I shouted. “ART!”

Nils snickered. “Most artists have drawn big tittied anime girls for money, and most academics who need it have either written Marvel fanfiction for kinks they didn’t want to know about or written someone else’s papers. Don’t think about it too hard.” 

Bishop just shook his head as I peeked through my fingers and dragged over a second bean bag to prop his feet on. “Before we get completely derailed by a taco joke, let’s reel it in, children.  Our not so friendly neighborhood perv is working on the encryption breaking, do we want to do the worm or databomb first?”

Nils looked to me. “I’d prefer doing the databomb first, since a spore with extra activations is easy enough and just having it done early so all we have left is the hard part means that when we’re done with the hard part we don’t have anything left, but if anyone has any objections to that I’ll hear them?”

“The county records…?” I asked, glancing between the both of them. “You know, the physical liens? With the counties?”

It was completely the opposite of reassuring when Nils went pale and Bishop’s eyes glazed over. With a deadpan, almost contemptuously exhausted tone, Nils grunted, “Fuck. Alright, malware 4 and 5, another encryption breaker, another databomb, let’s go. And find some way of getting those released. And finding which ones we’re looking for…”

“I mean a dial-up bot that just asks after public records isn’t hard, you and I have made like a few dime a dozen ones, that’s easy. Hell, I have a DDoS botnet or two we can repurpose, just collecting dust. Start generating those to get public records on liens, they’re public record. Hard part is the lien releases, that’ll take…some courts and counties take digital copies or faxed copies of the notarized forms, I say we collect the records with that and start sending forged copies out. I mean, we’d need to pay a good forgery guy, but I know one. It takes about thirty days, but we can mill the fucking things once we get all the records and get good fake state seals made.”

“Make sure they are backdated by several months,” I suggested. “Totally Purloined Letter it, act like they’ve had it this entire time and lost their copy. They’ll be too embarrassed to object.”

“Right, add about a month to the process for that and finishing our worm and encryption breaker, county records are easily breakable, we can make our own icebreakers for that but we’re gonna need a lot of computers to launch that many attacks at once…That, plus adequate databombs.”

“Add another twenty five days after we send the fake releases, give time for as many as possible to be recorded,” Bishop added. “They’re less likely to be lumped in with the attack, that way.”

              “Okay. That, plus I have to regularly commune with my morons on their “orders” for the “joint operation” about dealing with the “evil shadow government.” Nils sighed. “Okay. We have a lot of work to do but we should be able to manage it. We can’t brag about it after, which kinda sucks because we’re rapidly approaching Inception-timed-to-music levels of bullshit, and if we pull it off any reasonable world would give us bragging rights forever, but there are way worse things.” 

              “I don’t suppose any of your far right fucknuckle brother uncles are notaries?” I sighed. “We’d never be that lucky.”

              “Sadly, no. I do have a relative who is but she’d never get caught up in anything illegal for political reasons, perish the thought,” Nils’ voice took on a note of contempt. “She conveniently forgets that marrying her husband was illegal until around 60 years ago, and that the entire concept of civil disobedience is ‘breaking the law for political reasons’.”  He shrugged. 

              Bishop grunted, snagging a thermos. “Pocket notaries going on Santa’s wishlist in the event we are ever good little boys and girl…. We are now at 55 day lead time, minimum. The thirty days will give us time to come up with hardware without getting too much scrutiny, and we use that time to let bots dig up the information we need on the liens and student debt.” I blinked and he waggled a finger at me. “I didn’t forget that part, don’t worry. Student debt is going to be the least painful, because zero potential damage there, Sallie Mae can just fuck right off.”  

He typed for second and tilted his head. “Then we send the faked releases - I don’t know if my guy can do them in bulk, so it would be smart to have a program to mock them up as back-up.  Who can code that, because I’ll be too busy.”

I raised my hand. “Digital art en masse is my area of expertise,” I nodded confidently. “I can cobble something together from my animation stuff, no problem.”  Would I test it by using it to clear my commissions inbox? Probably, but they didn’t need to know that.  I already felt guilty enough about it.

“Okay, so I’ll handle the databombs and the basic icebreakers, Bishop will repurpose his dialup net, and Lash will get the mock-ups ready so we can mill out fake lien releases. I’ll also handle getting the gun nuts ready and primed for when we go. We’ll work together on the worm since that’ll be the hardest part.” Nils was standing, the irritated exhaustion gone, eyes suddenly alight. “We have a little less than two months, and when that’s done, we’ll be paying back the banks for the 2008 crash and all the futures they stole with student loans. And we’ll be stealing a lot of them back. Let’s get to work.”