#i need to pet him while his airplane ears are out so bad

[habibisagi]

KITTTTTTTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! kitttyyyyyyyyy!! KITTY! >o<

[cruesuffix]

i love the cat!mick au smmm!! How do you think mick would react to other animals??

hi there!! this is a great question!

ok, for starters: he has a love hate relationship with dogs. he’s generally nervous around them, and probably would avoid them altogether. vince, being a dog person, would probably forget this and bring his little dogs over whenever they hang out and would then watch as micks tail puffs up and he starts hissing. of course, vince’s dogs wouldn’t understand and would probably react and start barking or something… which would only scare mick even more. he got airplane ears one time and vince knew that was a cue to get the dogs out of the room asap. even random dogs on the street makes him a bit anxious, but he’s better at hiding it in public. he’d probably just do everything he can to avoid them, like walking on the other side of the road if he sees one coming. still, he knows they aren’t bad and he shouldn’t be scared of them. that innate cat mindset just makes him anxious about them. maybe the rest of the band would try to do some sort of exposure therapy on him to get him over his fear… i don’t know if it would work or not though.

birds are another animal he reacts to awfully. cats like to chase birds and hunt them or whatever and… mick catches himself doing that. if the band leaves mick alone outside for too long, they can catch him running around chasing a bird. that’s just an instinct engrained in him so… most of the time the band has to accompany him outside to make sure he’s not losing focus of whatever it is he’s out there to do. cause TRUST he will be chasing some innocent bird. this is the same with small rodents, do not trust that mf to let one skitter by him without a fight!! actually… any animal a cat can hunt should not be left alone with mick… he will try to hunt them.

let’s just say the crue refuses to keep any pets with mick around. their animals either stay home when they’re working (and not working), or they put them up for adoption when they realize micks going to be around them for a good while. micks already a pet for the band… maybe they don’t need any other pets??

this was such a good question, thank you!! i will be adding this to the cat!mick au lore!

[ilyjerome]

seongmin as your boyfriend !!

pairing: oh seongmin x fem(? i didn’t really specify a gender)reader ( to1 fm )

genre: a disgusting amount of fluff.

prompt: just seongmin has ur bf !! some cute things he’d do and little stories djdheie

not proofread !! lowercase intended

————————————————————————————

♡ - this boy is always w you . like , he is GLUED to you !! even if your not physically touching he’s always in ur field of vision JDBRJD he needs to almost always have you with him for his sake :( he just wants to be with uuuuu

♡ - will randomly start squeezing ur neck and being all touchy (even tho he is already like i said boy is glued to you) prolly twirling ur hair around his finger while laying on u waiting for you to stop whatever ur doing JTHRIE give ur bf some attention pls !! will definitely 101% start whining if you take too long or just ignore him for fun or something

♡ - “waaah y/n !! give me a hug !! please !!” and literally pounces on you HDBEJ starts fake biting u n shit <\3 “nammm” can u hear my heart breaking ?

♡ - is ALWAYS laughing or giggling w u we’ve all seen this guy in his vlives he’s always laughing its so precious he probably thinks ur so cute and giggles a lot at what you do

♡ - definitely boasts about his shoulders i can already see him taking off his jacket and patting them like “here, you can rest here” and WINKING or something this boys got me in such a chokehold he knows he’s so cute so he takes that in advantage too bcz we all know we are not getting past his puppy eyes

♡ - randomly intertwines ur hands …. :( like you two could be having a conversation and (example) ur sitting in his lap facing him telling him about your day he will just grab ur hands and intertwine them w his and he’s nodding listening to everything u have to say but if ur days bad he’ll order food or cook some for you ;( or you two can just cuddle while watching a movie as long as your there he really doesn’t mind *crying*

♡ - he’s definitely got a lot of pet names for you but more alongside the basic ones like “baby” or “darling” he literally calls jaeyun darling ?? and he calls jeyou “my pretty baby” stopppp be prepared to get showered in pet names and compliments if you look good (to him u look good everyday even if u just got out of bed and have a severe case of bed head) <33 prolly showers u w kisses too or the tightest hug ever :p - you can’t breathe so you’ll have to slightly tap him like “seongmin .. i can’t breathe “ JDBEJD definitely exaggerates his gasps to make you feel better if your showing him a new outfit his eyes widen and he covers his mouth he’s in awe over u rn

♡ - BACK HUGSSS !!!!! i cannot stress this enough he prolly kisses behind ur ear and asks what ur doing ;((((( seongmin is tall and broad so he’s most likely gonna tower over u (i’m 5’3 so ..) you can hear him oooing and stuff at u explaining or watching whtv ur doing he’s so mesmerised over little things it’s adorable $~€{ he rests his head on yours or if your taller he rests his head on your shoulder and his cheeks r puffed up ;((( and leaning on u

♡ - when u hug he swings u both and makes cute asf noises :( and probably swings his head to look at you n giggles and you can see his gums i’m crying so hard rn !!!!!!!!!!! definitely a squeezer like i said but not always as tight like he just wants to give u a quick squeeze

♡ - loves making sure you eat well !! will feed you and do the airplane whatever it takes to make you eat and the airplane just adds cuteness and we all know seongmin is a sucker for cute things +10 points for a jordy spoon FHJRJR lovezzzz eating with you or just cooking a simple meal for you both and he loves it when you join in cooking so <33 but u two always need something sweet after so sometimes you go out to the convenience store to get snacks or ice cream ;(( like a lil date

♡ - if ur both sitting down sometimes he’ll put his legs over yours while he’s laying down :(( or if he’s sitting upright there’s a good chance he’s hugging u close to him <\\\\\3 prolly looks at you sometimes and pretends to bite your cheek *cries*

♡ - he’s always touching you in some way ?!?!?! u’re either holding hands, arms are linked or his hand is on ur thigh or something he cannot keep his hands away from u seongmin just loves u sm <\3 also bonus if your sitting he prolly snakes his arm around your waist and tickles you and cause its from the other side this boy acts clueless LMFAOO like “what do u mean ?? that wasn’t me !!” he’s such a tease with u sometimes he just thinks it’s cute it gets him going JFBEIE

♡ - he loves just walking around with you holding hands around the city and admiring pretty buildings and you go into cool stores and probably watch the sunset together <\3 even though this is a rare occurrence since he’s so busy with his hectic schedule when it happens it means so much to you both !! quality time together <33 seongmin probably pretends to push you in rivers and stuff JFHDUE but will definitely end up buying matching headbands and small things for you both ;((

♡ - brings you to his practices and recording sessions !! when he’s getting a couple extra hours of practice in he likes bringing you with him so you can watch him and tell him he did well JFBEUD every 10 minutes he’ll come over to you and ask “am i doing it well?” or something but bonus bcz you just get to see him all sweaty JFBEJE and when he’s recording (the little private rooms not literally vocal recordings) your always there to help him and give him ideas since he loves the way you think JSHSR sometimes your behind him playing w his hair and he’s sitting in the chair with his mouth open a tiny bit and he looks so cute you just have to take a pic and he gets all shy about it :(( i love this boy sm ————————————————————————————

[terrence-silver]

I’ve been thinking about the other Terry - McCain. What do you think he’d be like nowadays? Do you think he’s mellowed out a little or is still fierce and hot-tempered and practicing his kicks and punches? Does he still play piano? Have a new cat? Still have that earring, still wear his hair in that mullet style or has he updated his look? Just curious about your thoughts cuz I never see people talking about him outside of the movie.

What was Terry McCain up to after the 90's and into the present day?

Well, here's what I headcanon:

---

― He is still a cat man and has always remained a cat man, and cats have been his persistent and devoted companions for years, mostly various strays he picked up and adopted off of the streets of Chicago ever since his and Anna's relationship broke off even after they had a time of renewed happiness together. She moved back to England to pursue her modelling career, finding that their lifestyles differ too much for anything more lasting than fond feelings and goodbyes and Terry remained behind, something of a bachelor that lives alone with his pets (which include the occasional dog he feeds too) and frequents local clubs. They actually parted on good terms. Or at least intended to for the second break-up in a row before Terry nearly ran after airplane taking off and Anna was re-reminded that, my god, this guy is pretty damn possessive and maybe this distance will do everyone so good, won't it?

― Terry McCain either got a seriously big promotion in the police force...or a seriously big demotion. Or both at one time in his life. He might've passed through several stages of grief after losing so many of his colleagues and indulging in some vigilantism of his own and he might've contradictively had an invigorated sense of spite and pride in his work precisely because so many of his work friends died and he felt he should be the one to carry their torch. Then, for a short while, he took to drinking. Thing is, Terry McCain, while passionate and something of a firecracker is also a good man and a good cop, and fact is, a good cop doesn't excel too far career wise, so if he was ever due for a promotion, it never happened in decades, and his position stuck due to a corrupt system. He was always Detective McCain. Might've gotten demoted to Sargent at one point, just to curb his attitude.

― It did't curb his attitude. No. Terry McCain could've channeled a lot of his justice-loving, righteous, fiery ways into helping people freelance, just because, outside the vestiges of his badge, becoming known over the years as something of an smaller urban tale around Chicago. Might've even gotten a little segment on the news about it. Stopped a burglary? Prevent a fire in an apartment? Neighbours need help moving boxes up to their apartment on the fifth floor? Mr. zealous McCain to the rescue! This good reputation isn't anything colossal, to be understood, but being this local sensation earns him a favourable place at any pub, club, musical bistro, with ordinary people in general in almost any corner of the city. He is just a very well liked man, thing is, because even though he is occasional difficult, temperamental, aggressive and fierce, loving to get into a fight or ten, Terry is far from a bad person.

― He also never abandoned music. Quite the contrary, except maybe only when he is hit by the recollection of all the various taskforce friends he's lost on the job and the subsequent depression that follows it. The one thing he saved up after years and years of scrounging together money was in order to have an instrument all of his own. Naturally, he loved playing in bars for an audience and sometimes, he'd even sing during open mic nights, with people in equal measure loving to hear him (could've gone viral once the Internet became a thing) but for the most part, buying a piano all of his own was a special type of joy. Now, whenever he plays, he has a cat or two napping atop of it, as his prime audience. If he ever had any concrete plans what he might when he retires from being Detective McCain, it is more or less this manner of leisure time.

― His luscious curls changed with the time, namely, the mullet went out of fashion and clearly, he styled it a bit differently (perhaps, putting it up in a bun when training and exercising), but the fundamental essence remained as he went grayer and grayer. Might've removed the earring, possibly exchanging it for a small, discreet cross necklace instead (brought it back from a trip to say, Ireland, which he undoubtedly visited somewhere along the way) --- the one timeless constant, perhaps, were the long coats. I think Terry McCain likes things that are slightly old timey and don't go out of style. Case and point, he undoubtedly kept his body prim, but he never did it at some newly opened glossy downtown gym. He did it at some old watering hole boxing ring that's been open since 1955 or something --- same goes for the type of bars he goes to. He feels better there.

― I don't figure Terry McCain dated or slept around really, not since Anna, or even before, in general, even though he was a looker and warranted many a sigh of admiration from people in general and could, validly, score his share of one night stands, if he wanted to. He simply never did. He really is a 'big love, all out romance, possessive and overattachment' type of guy and the added bonus of his occasional run-ins with the mob through the years wanting revenge for their Boss DeMarco and other lower street-crooks Terry put behind bars, outside of so many of Terry's own friends dying or being seriously injured left him unwilling to embroider innocent people he sees into this. He was actually a bachelor by choice, always thinking he'd die rather young but it never really happening. He worries enough for his cats. Who on earth will feed those guys if he gets shot somewhere?

---

― Might've actually found a beloved only when he was retired (or rather, forced into retirement by his superiors, because he was too stubborn to do so himself), deciding to move out of Chicago for his pension and back into his countryside family home that was empty for ages, preferring how slowly time moves there compared to a city that irrevocably changed since the 90's when he was young, distancing himself from all the bustle, the risk, the danger, the fear of retaliation; a family man at heart, he brought along his cats, his dogs, his piano, his guns, training equipment, his many memories and all that fire cracking attitude still in place. If he ever had children, he could've named each after a deceased partner or friend he might've had. Maybe Dylan. Maybe Frankie. Maybe Jake, after the the Deja Vu club owner he was close with and whose piano he utilized for performances. Either ways, his life has had its ups and downs. He got demoted. Criticized at work. Maybe even shot a couple of times. Nearly risked being fired. Nearly quit himself. Then, he got promoted. He was a willing loner. He was a neighbourhood sweetheart. His attitude got him into trouble a million times. But, I don't see Terry McCain's life being fundamentally all that bad.

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝐃𝐚𝐝! 𝐀𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐳: 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐁𝐚𝐛𝐲'𝐬 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬

❥𝓚𝓲𝓶 𝓗𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓳𝓸𝓸𝓷𝓰

"What even are you doing Mingi?"

Hongjoong questioned when the taller boy randomly picked up his son from the carrier and proceeded to take him inside the recording booth.

"I'm bored and we got writer's block. So I'm trying to have a little fun."

Lifting the boy up so his tiny mouth could reach the microphone, Mingi looked back at Hongjoong.

"Try recording his little babbles and let's make it into your alarm ringtone since obviously his cries are the only way to get you to wake up." He teased the leader.

Hongjoong was about to retaliate, but ultimately opted not to. Obliging instead to the request, he put on his headphones and pressed the live button. Mingi gently bounced the baby in his arms, making him emit tiny giggles and squeals.

"Ok that is pretty adorable." Hongjoong smiled fondly.

Mingi began making faces at the boy and raised his voice in a higher pitch.

"Can you say a few words? Like Uncle Mingi is the best? Or I love Uncle Mingi more than his Dada?"

The boy looked at Mingi in puzzlement.

"Yeah. You love me more than Dada." He repeated, puffing his cheeks out and pointing to Hongjoong who was just rolling his eyes by now.

The baby looked over at Hongjoong before blurting out the softest "Da..Da."

Hongjoong fell out of his chair and scrambled to get up to run inside the booth. Taking the baby away from Mingi, he held his face close.

"Can you say that again? Just one more time. I need to get that recorded right now."

❥𝓟𝓪𝓻𝓴 𝓢𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝔀𝓪

Seonghwa let out a series of noises as he carefully fed his daughter in front of him.

"Babe, you're doing that again." You told him as you continued whisking the pancake mix.

"Doing what?" He hardly payed attention to your question though as he continued to play around with the spoon in his hand, making it swirl around in the air while mimicking airplane sounds.

"Acting more like a baby than our actual baby." You snorted.

"No one's more babier than our little baby. She just likes playing around during eating time."

Seonghwa held the spoon close to her mouth, allowing her to take it into her mouth, some of it spilling on her chin as she munched it down at an alarmingly fast pace.

"Ok hold on there. Eat a little more slowly babygirl. Geez for a tiny thing, you sure have a big appetite."

When he pulled away the spoon, she started whining, upset at having her meal taken away from her. Her tiny eyebrows furrowed and her puree covered lips pouted in discontent.

"Oh look. She turned into an angry bird." You chuckled at her frowning face.

"It's not her fault she loves food."

When he held up the spoon again, her eyes widened and she began squirming around.

"You want more? Want more Num Num?" Seonghwa used the term that always seemed to get a reaction from her.

"Num num!" She squealed out of nowhere.

Seonghwa dropped the puree filled spoon on the table, not caring that he made a mess as he began freaking out over her first words.

"OH MY GOD Y/N! DID YOU HEAR HER?! SHE SAID HER FIRST WORDS! NUM NUM!"

Right away, she repeated after him when she heard the word again, making him lose it even more.

"Seonghwa.......num num isn't an actual word though....it's more like an onomatopoeia.."

But he was not listening to you.

❥𝓙𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓸

You held your daughter on your lap as the boys in front of you continued to practice their choreography ardently, her tiny figure loving it whenever you began bouncing her on your knee.

"Mingi!" Wooyoung screeched for the thousandth time.

"What?!" Mingi exclaimed, tired of being called out every 16 seconds.

"You're doing it wrong...again!" San joined in.

The other guys began groaning, some of them just dropping to the floor as they knew it would turn into another argument on who's right and who's wrong. Yunho looked over at you, shooting you an apologetic look as he had promised just one more run through and then you could both leave, but clearly that wasn't happening. You just smiled and grabbing your daughter's tiny hands, you waved them around, mimicking a show of support.

"Ok ok guys stop. Fighting will get us nowhere, so let's just go through it one more time so we can go home. Deal?" Hongjoong stepped in to put everyone in their place.

"Don't mess this up anymore Mingi. I got a scheduled cuddle session with Shiber that I can't be late for." San glared at him.

"I won't! Geez!" Mingi scoffed dramatically.

"Guys? Should we huddle up and shout 'hwaiting'?" Jongho suggested.

All of them immediately got together and placed one hand in the center.

"8 makes 1 team! Hwaiting!" They all shouted loudly.

Before they could press play on the music again, a tiny and excited 'hwaiting' made them all turn their heads towards you and the baby.

"Y/N......was that you or..?" Yunho looked at you with hopeful eyes.

You immediately shook your head and pointed at the tiny baby in your hands, who repeated what she said, a little jumbled, but still coherent.

Not just Yunho, but all of them started hollering and going insane over the baby's first words. Yunho rushed over and tried to get her to say more things.

"Ok now can you try and say daddy for me?"

❥𝓚𝓪𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓮𝓸𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓰

Yeosang poked a piece of chicken off the drumstick. Looking over at his son, he began to hold it towards his face, luckily you got there just in time to stop him.

"Yeosang!" You scolded him.

At your sharp tone, his fork slipped off his grip.

"I did nothing!" He held his hands up.

"Were you seriously about to feed our 1 year old chicken?" You exclaimed in disbelief.

"But honey! Look at him! He's hungry. What kind of father lets his child starve?" He pouted at you.

"Well here's an idea: why not get up and make him a bottle?" You suggested.

Yeosang looked at the baby and then back at you.

"Why not just pull your nipple out of your shirt and give him your milk?"

Seeing your widening eyes and wandering hands that were reaching for the nearest thing to throw at him, Yeosang immediately got up and went to the cabinets to start making a bottle.

"Geez! It was only a joke. No need to take it seriously. Besides...."

He snorted to himself before glancing back at you.

"It was pretty funny. Hehet."

You were going to say something back to him, but when your son repeated his father's 'hehet', you both stopped and stared at him before staring back at each other, silently asking each other if they heard right.

"Hehet." The boy answered your question when he said it again.

Yeosang came over, a smug smile on his face as he shook the baby bottle before lifting his son up in his arms. He kissed the top of his head and chuckled.

"Hehet. I knew you'd inherit my sense of humor."

❥𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓢𝓪𝓷

San waved the plushie in front of the boy's face.

"Shiiiiberrr." He spoke out once again, but the boy stayed unfazed.

"Ok ok, I get it. I'll go slower this time."

Clearing his throat, he shook the plush rather violently.

"Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiibbbbbbbbbeerrrr."

You cringed at San, inwardly regretting telling him about the fact that supposedly your son should have started talking by now, or at least babbling some words.

"San just give up. Maybe he's not ready yet."

But he wasn't going to be persuaded.

"No! I will get him to talk. Trust me on this, our son will soon say mommy or daddy or Shiber. Whichever comes first."

As San continued his attempts to get his son to mutter even a single word, your furry feline friend decided it would be a good idea to watch and proceeded to perch herself on the dresser right in front of your baby and San. Your son caught glimpse of his favorite bedtime buddy and began squealing, arms outstretched wanting to cuddle her.

"I'll give you the plushie once you say his name. Shiber." San offered.

You rolled your eyes.

"He doesn't want Shiber, he wants Byeol." You pointed out.

Having had his back turned, San whipped his head and saw Byeol staring him down.

"What? Byeol! Out I say! I'm still mad at you for getting your litter all over my clothes. Stop distracting my baby and get out!"

When the cat hissed at him when he tried to pick her up, San retreated.

"Byeol!" He warned her.

"B.....Bo....Byeol!" Your son finally spoke up.

You were so overjoyed at his words you immediately crouched in front of him, making sure to bring the cat with you.

"Yes! Yes! This is Byeol! Can you say her name again?"

The cat purred softly as the baby petted her ears before repeating her name, this time more clearly. San stood there looking shocked. Huffing softly, he crossed his arms.

"This doesn't mean you're off the hook Byeol."

❥𝓢𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓲

Shifting the camera around, Mingi held it up towards you as you were currently playing around with your daughter who was in her little bouncer.

"And here we have the most beautiful creature to bless this earth."

You were about to let out an 'aww' at Mingi's words until he spoke up again.

"Honey could you please move aside so we can see the baby more clearly?"

Glaring at your husband, you picked up one of the tiny plushies surrounding your daughter and threw it at him, causing the baby to start laughing at her dad.

"Agression caught on camera!" He exclaimed as he faked being severely hurt by your actions.

You ignored him and turned your attention back to your daughter.

"Don't pay any attention to daddy. He's mean and bad." You cooed softly at her.

Mingi gasped dramatically, holding a hand over his mouth.

"Me? Bad?" He asked.

You nodded your head, not even bothering to look at him as you repeated yourself.

"Yes. Very very bad daddy." You tickled your daughter's feet.

"Bewy bad."

Both of you were surprised that your daughter said not 1, but 2 words, and it was even more surprising because it wasn't even time for her to start babbling just yet. Mingi sat down next to you, focusing the camera on her tiny face.

"Did you guys hear that?! She actually said 'bewy bad!" Mingi began squealing from excitement.

Not taking her eyes off Mingi, the baby began repeating herself.

"Bad.......bad...bad."

Mingi chuckled.

"Ok sweetheart, I get it. You can say bad, but maybe now try saying 'Dada'. Similar right?" He urged her to continue.

The baby simply picked up another toy and threw it at the camera.

"Bad!" She piped out.

Mingi now turned the camera to you.

"Look what you've done! Now she'll forever refer to me as 'bad'!" He huffed out.

"Ok but where's the lie though?" You teased him.

❥𝓙𝓾𝓷𝓰 𝓦𝓸𝓸𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓰

After the initial shock died down of hearing your daughter's first words, Wooyoung and you began screaming.

"She said her first words!" You cheered.

"I know! Wait! Was it a one time thing or...?"

Pressing his face in her view, Wooyoung intently stared at his baby.

"Repeat what you said. Mama." He told her.

Although it took her a while the second time, ultimately she said the word again, making you both applaud at her efforts. You were on the verge of crying at hearing your daughter call out for you for the very first time.

"Ok ok. Now.....say 'dada.' You know? As in your favorite parent? Dada." Wooyoung giggled at her.

"Mama." The girl said again.

"Yes yes, we get it. You can say mama, but now I want you to say dada ok?"

Wooyoung kept repeating the word over and over again, but each time the baby would instead say the one word she had learned so far. It was honestly hilarious watching Wooyoung get frustrated as his daughter refused to budge and instead continued to annoy him by saying mama instead of dada.

"Ok.....one last time. Da...da." Wooyoung went slower this time.

The baby took a tiny breath and Wooyoung actually got his hopes up but ultimately being let down.

"Mama." The baby squeaked.

Wooyoung began yelling in anger.

"Ya! The whole reason I wanted a girl was so that you could be daddy's little princess, not mommy's little pet! You're supposed to love me more! I'm the fun parent, your mom is supposed to be the one grounding you and forbidden you from doing fun things, how could you betray me like this?!"

Wooyoung wheezed violently after he got his rant out. The 10 month old just blinked at him, not understanding what caused him to be so agitated, but responded the only way she could.

"Mama."

❥𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓙𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝓸

Jongho looked over at you every once in a while, chuckling at your seemingly futile attempts to get your son to say his first words, particularly, you wanted him to say "mommy" or "mama."

"Mommy." You repeated once again.

But the baby seemed more interested in his dad, watching him peel some apples and put them in a bowl. Normally he'd be splitting them in half, but since you were going to be baking an apple pie, you just needed them peeled at the moment.

"Baby. Please pay attention." You waved the rattle in his face to get him to look at you.

"Honey don't force him. There's still time. Besides you can't really trust everything google tells you." Jongho tried to comfort you.

But you weren't about to give up. You were hell bent on getting your son to call for you.

"Mama. Mama."

You pouted when the boy adamantly ignored you and just continued cooing softly at his father's movements.

"What? Do you prefer daddy over me?" You asked him, not really expecting him to answer.

"Da........deeee."

Jongho dropped the apple he was holding, eyes shooting up as he heard the baby's babble.

"Did....did he just say daddy?" He looked at you, but your son confirmed it once again for him.

"Daddeeee."

Jongho got up and went over to stand in front of your son, smiling proudly at him.

"Yes my little buddy. I'm your daddy and you just made me so happy."

He picked him up and kissed his cheek before stealing him away from you to spend more time with him.

"Ummm....we were having mother- son bonding time?" You told him.

"Well it's obvious he prefers my company."

Gifs not mine, credit goes to their respective owners.

[kurowrites]

Aviophobia

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

---

It wasn’t like Wei Ying particularly hated air travel, not at all. After all, it was still the most practical way to travel long distances, and the distance between China and Europe was definitely long. The problem was that though he had just sat down in his seat, he was already horrifically bored. The airplane hadn’t even finished boarding yet, and there were around ten hours of flight still in front of him, and he couldn’t wait to arrive at his destination already.

He wasn’t looking forward to the flight, not least because he didn’t actually want to leave. After a year of not seeing her, Wei Ying had finally been able to take some time off and visit his sister, who had been living abroad with her stupid, loaded husband. He’d spent two weeks with Jiang Yanli and his little nephew, and it had been so good to see them again. A-Ling had grown so much! But now, a lot of work was waiting for him back at home, and he really needed to return, not sure when they would be able to meet the next time. That, he definitely wasn’t happy about.

Wei Ying distractedly fidgeted around in his seat, trying to keep in mind that it was no use to take out his laptop now, because the flight attendants would ask him to pack it up again for take-off in a few minutes. He had taken a book with him, anticipating this situation, but right now, the book seemed so unappealing he couldn’t even be bothered to unpack it from his backpack.

Come on, he mentally urged the passengers who were still moving along the aisles in search of their seat like a group of very slow snails, move faster, so we can leave.

Despite his best efforts, the other passengers did not speed up their pace, and so Wei Ying was cursed to sit there and wait until everyone was seated. He tried not to notice the usual offenders that managed to get in everyone’s way and blocked everything with their luggage, and tried to relax (rather unsuccessfully).

As he was idly watching the passengers pass him by, he caught a flash of white that caught his attention. Just when he was sure that his eyes were playing a trick on him, a man in a pristine white suit separated from the crowd and sat down right next to him. He pushed his briefcase under the front seat, fastened his seat belt, nodded to Wei Ying once, and then directed his glance straight forward, turning into a beautiful marble statue.

Wei Ying tried not to stare at his new neighbour too conspicuously, but he couldn’t really help it. The man seemed to be horribly out of place here in economy class, with a tailor-made white suit that very obviously was of high quality and therefore very expensive. His face equally set him apart from the other passengers, with a noble look and a bone structure that looked more suited to the cover of a fashion magazine. Wei Ying, in a simple hoody, soft jacket, and old jeans that were selected specifically for comfort purposes (after all, he would have to vegetate in them for ten hours), wondered how this unicorn had gotten lost among the common folk.

His seatmate was incredibly handsome, obviously wealthy, and… extremely stiff.

When the flight attendant finally announced that boarding had been completed, and that they were waiting for permission to proceed to the runway, the man next to him put his hands on both armrests, and for a second, Wei Ying was ready to be offended that this man hogged all the armrests for himself without consideration for the other passengers.

Then he noticed the man’s knuckles going white, his hands holding on to the armrests as if…

Wei Ying looked at the man’s face again. He was still staring straight ahead, his handsome face expressionless, his breath deep and controlled.

His eyes were fixed at some indeterminate point in the distance, and their focus did not waver at all.  

And they weren’t even moving yet.

Oh dear, Wei Ying thought to himself. Someone is not a fan of flying, huh.

He knew that a lot of people probably wouldn’t appreciate his meddling, but then again, he couldn’t sit there and do nothing while his neighbour was counting breaths or whatever the fuck he was doing to calm himself down. He wasn’t going to sit next to this man for the next several hours and pretend that he didn’t notice that this person was very obviously panicking.

So he reached out, and carefully put his own hand over the one currently clutching at their shared armrest.

“It’s going to be okay,” he said, as quietly as he could. “You’re not alone, and you’re going to be fine.”

The man sucked in a shocked breath the moment Wei Ying touched him.

Wei Ying was ready to draw back and apologise for his unrequested interference, Maybe he shouldn’t have touched him, maybe he had misread–

The hand under his turned around and grasped his own, holding him fast.

“I apologise,” the stranger replied in a faint tone of voice. “For my unseemly display.”

Wei Ying laughed quietly, relief washing over him.

“It’s alright,” he replied conversationally. “We all have our little burdens to carry. As for me, I am deadly afraid of dogs, and I will jump into your arms when I see one. Not that I have much shame to begin with, but my fear of dogs is definitely bigger than any shame I might have. There will be screaming and a general amount of unnecessary, very ugly drama.”

That, finally, had the stranger remove his gaze from the undetermined point in the distance he had settled on, and he turned towards Wei Ying.

Wow.

Wei Ying had been woefully underprepared for this event. The man was even more handsome, facing him directly, and Wei Ying was sure he had never seen such beautiful eyes.

How, he wondered again, had this man ended up in economy class? He should be flying a private plane, not panicking next to Wei Ying on a commercial flight. He should be someone’s trophy husband.

“Dogs?” the man asked him, as if a fear of dogs wasn’t an entirely normal phobia to have.

“Yes,” Wei Ying replied earnestly. “Have you seen them? So fast, and they make so much noise all the time, and their teeth. Ugh. It’s a completely rational fear to have!”

By now, the plane had moved onto the runway, and was starting the jets up.

The man clutched at Wei Ying’s hand almost painfully as the plane started to vibrate, but surprisingly, he did not look away from Wei Ying, steadily holding Wei Ying’s gaze.

“Well, so is a fear of flying, I guess,” Wei Ying mused as the airplane began to move. “But think about this: it’s far more likely to get mauled by a dog than to get involved in a plane accident. There are dogs everywhere, and you never know when one is going to come around a corner! And some owners really don’t know to handle their dogs. So, you see. My fear is much more rational than yours. Also, I did get mauled by several dogs in the past, you know. It’s not even a theoretical fear for me, I know exactly what those bastards are capable of. Dogs are horrible. Not to mention that it’s too late to do anything about your fear now, anyway. Look. We’ve taken off.”

The man kept clutching his hand and stared at him without replying. Wei Ying didn’t know if he even heard anything Wei Ying had said, what with the noise and the pressure in their ears. But the stranger never looked away, and he never let go of Wei Ying’s hand, so that was good, he thought.

Eventually, when the airplane had gained enough height to level off slightly, and the pressure on the diminished, his handsome neighbour finally let out a deep breath and turned his gaze away.

Wei Ying felt almost disappointed to be relieved of the heavy weight of his gaze.

As he had said, the most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen.

“Ridiculous,” his neighbour murmured, eventually, after a long period of silence.

Wei Ying laughed.

“Hello Ridiculous,” he greeted, shaking their still-connected hands playfully. “My name is Wei Ying.”

The man’s head whipped around, and he sent him a positively offended look.

And then, after a beat of silence, he said,

“Lan Zhan.”

---

It needed some careful prodding and digging, but eventually, Wei Ying found out that Lan Zhan the reason why Lan Zhan was on this plain at all was because he had taken over the business trip as a favour to his older brother, who had been unable to travel.

Wei Ying felt the need to tease him for his self-sacrificing sense of familial piety, but he didn’t quite dare to tease Lan Zhan about it. After all, Lan Zhan had done a good thing, at the cost of his own suffering.

Lan Zhan was already bad enough when it came to flying as it was, but then someone had made a mistake with the booking, and he had been booked to fly economy rather than business class on his return trip. Lan Zhan, already at the airport and very troubled by the notion of having to fly, period, had not had the energy to discuss the mistake in his booking and decided to keep his assigned seat. After all, it hardly made any difference whether he was flying business or economy. He would spend the entire flight terrified, either way.

“Well, it was very lucky you ended up choosing economy,” Wei Ying mused. “Now you have a free emotional support pet for the entire flight.”

He grinned cheekily and wiggled Lan Zhan’s hand, still safely encased in his own.

Lan Zhan frowned at the joke.

“I thank you,” he replied regardless. “It is… much easier with you here. But I do not wish to trouble you with my… unfortunate condition.”

What a polite, honest man!

Wei Ying was delighted.

“It’s no trouble at all! You saved me from hours and hours of boredom, so it’s really not just you that’s profiting from this. Are you going to be fine when I have to go to the bathroom though?”

Lan Zhan frowned again, but nodded once.

“Good, good,” Wei Ying praised. “And if you wait for me very nicely, I’m going to get us some snacks from the kitchen. They never bring out the chocolate, which is a crime, really.”

---

In the end, after Wei Ying wheedled out information about Lan Zhan’s job and life for what felt like hours, Lan Zhan managed to relax enough to doze off for a little bit, and they spent the rest of their flight in a repeating pattern of chatting, dozing off, and then being woken up to be served questionable airplane meals.

When they finally touched down at their destination (Lan Zhan once again clutching Wei Ying’s hand as if it was the only lifeline that he had – and Wei Ying trying not to be too happy about that), they took their carry-on luggage and slowly ambled out of the plane, moving towards the baggage claim with the rest of the passengers.

Lan Zhan, as soon as he was out of the airplane and on solid ground again, straightened up and took on a confident stance.

Wei Ying was a little bit in awe. He looked even more handsome and formidable now, in his still pristine white suit. He was even taller than Wei Ying had first thought, definitely taller than Wei Ying, and Wei Ying mused whether there was anything about this man that wasn’t awe-inspiring.

(Well, there was that small case of aviophobia, but who could blame him for that, really.)

Wei Ying felt his hand twitch, and he sternly told himself that it was silly to wish for them to continue holding hands, now that they were out of the plane.

“Well,” he said awkwardly as he grabbed his luggage off the conveyor belt. He wasn’t quite willing to say his goodbyes yet, but he was equally unable to think of any reason to hold on to Lan Zhan’s company for a little longer. “I had a good time on our flight, Lan Zhan. Well. I guess you don’t really want to hear that. You probably had a horrible time. For your sake, I hope that you won’t come close to any planes for a while.”

“Wei Ying, too,” Lan Zhan replied. “For your sake, I hope that you will not meet any dogs suddenly coming around corners. So that you don’t have to leap into anyone’s arms.”

Wei Ying gaped, and as he stared at Lan Zhan in disbelief, he noticed the smallest uptick of Lan Zhan’s lips.

“Ayoo!” he cried. “Lan Zhan, are you teasing me? Look at you, all confident now that you are back on solid ground! Be a little more grateful to your emotional support pet!”

Lan Zhan nonchalantly picked his (very small, compared to Wei Ying’s big, lumpy one) suitcase up from the conveyor belt, and placed it next to his feet.

“I am grateful,” Lan Zhan said, serious again. “I have a car waiting for me outside. You are welcome to join me. I will drop you off anywhere in the city. As a sign of my gratitude.”

“Mmm,” Wei Ying made a considering noise. He didn’t want to say goodbye yet, not when Lan Zhan made him such a nice offer. But then, he was also really hungry.  

“I would love to get chauffeured around, but to be honest, I was planning on getting some decent coffee and a nice breakfast somewhere first. The food in that plane was horrible and I’m not functional without decent coffee.”

Lan Zhan was quiet for a moment.

“Can you wait for half an hour?”

“Huh?”

But before Wei Ying could ask him to elaborate, Lan Zhan was already herding Wei Ying towards the exit. He somehow managed to argue Wei Ying into accepting the car ride (Lan Zhan didn’t even argue, how that worked, Wei Ying sure didn’t know), and then Lan Zhan drove him to the nicest little shop for the most delicious breakfast that Wei Ying could have possibly wished for.

He was ravenous by the time they arrived, but he definitely wasn’t in a mood to complain as soon as the first delicious whiff of fresh coffee and food met his nose in welcome.

Lan Zhan was very attentive as they sat down to eat, generously plying Wei Ying with coffee, and letting him pick all his favourite foods. Wei Ying also learned that when Lan Zhan wasn’t scared for his life, he was remarkably smart and funny. It was so easy to get comfortable with him that Wei Ying had a hard time believing that they had never met until just one day ago.  

Lan Zhan was fun.

“Lan Zhan, you’re joking,” Wei Ying laughed, playfully swatting at Lan Zhan’s arm. “Your first serious family fight was because of rabbits?”

“They were very cute,” Lan Zhan replied seriously, insistent on the point.

Wei Ying leaned forward eagerly, meeting Lan Zhan’s serious mien with a big grin.

“And then, what happened with them?” Wei Ying asked. “Did your uncle cook them in a pot? Were you forced to eat rabbit stew?”

“The fourth generation now lives in my back garden.”

Wei Ying gasped. “You kept them?”

Lan Zhan showed the barest twitch of his lips. “Of course.”

Wei Ying nearly slid under the table at the sight of Lan Zhan’s proud little smile.

If Lan Zhan was trying to seduce him, then Wei Ying would consider himself sufficiently seduced by now.

Goodness gracious, that smile was criminal!

And he was the proud owner of a hoard of rabbits!

“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan,” he sighed, shaking his head. “You are a veritable little rebel. But, speaking from one pet to another, there is no way you can only tell me about your rabbits and not show them to me. That would be very rude.”

And on Wei Ying’s request, Lan Zhan took out his phone and showed Wei Ying his rabbit children. And then, since he had his phone out already, he shared his contact with Wei Ying. And when they had finished their breakfast, Lan Zhan led him back to the car and drove him home to his apartment, as promised.

When Wei Ying opened the door of the parked car, ready to hop out Lan Zhan stopped him.

“Thank you, Wei Ying,” he said, his beautiful, serious eyes gazing at Wei Ying steadily, as he had done in the plane. “For your help.”

Wei Ying laughed, and rubbed his nose.

God, he really liked the way that Lan Zhan looked at him.  

“For what it’s worth,” he replied quickly, “I’m willing to be Lan Zhan’s emotional support pet anytime.”

And then, because he felt like was too presumptuous and said too much, he hopped out of the car, grabbed his luggage, and weaselled away, to the safety of his apartment.

Once the door of the apartment was closed and his luggage thrown into a corner, he took a deep breath. He dug his phone out of his jacket to inform Jiang Yanli of his save arrival. She was probably wondering why he hadn’t sent her a message yet.

When he unlocked the phone, as expected, there was a message from his sister, asking him if he had arrived safely. However, before he could send a reply, his phone pinged with another message. A message not from Jiang Yanli.

[Lan Zhan, 11.46 am] I’ll take you by your word, Wei Ying. I might have to rely on your services again.

Suddenly, Wei Ying was glad that no one could see him here, hiding behind the door of his own apartment, as he blushed as red as a tomato.

This man!

[snake-rot]

(EXCLAIMING)

(ORCHESTRA MUSIC BLARING)

(GROANS)

(WHIMPERS)

(GRUNTING)

(MYSTICAL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(GROANS)

(COUNTRY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(COUGHS)

Sweet home Alabama

Where the skies are so blue

WOMAN: Excuse me, sir, is there a commode?

Sweet home Alabama

(GRUNTING)

Lord, I'm coming home to you

(GRUNTS) Justin!

Quick, honey, take my picture. I got the pyramid in my hand.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

Yeah

Justin, you get back here right now!

No, stop!

GUARD 1: No, no, no! Stop him! GUARD 2: Go back! Don't climb!

(JUSTIN IMITATING AIRPLANE WHOOSHING)

Wait, wait.

Hold on. Easy, little boy.

Okay, stop, child! Stop right there. No!

(GASPS)

No, no, no, no, no! Oh! There he goes.

(GASPS)

Justin!

I've got him! I've got him!

(JUSTIN GRUNTS)

(AIR ESCAPING)

Outrage in Egypt tonight as it was discovered

that the Great Pyramid of Giza had been stolen

and replaced by a giant inflatable replica.

There is panic throughout the globe as countries and citizens

try to protect their beloved landmarks.

Law enforcement still has no leads,

leaving everyone to wonder, which of the world's villains

is responsible for this heinous crime?

And where will he strike next?

Gru: Freeze ray! Freeze ray! Freeze ray! [laughs evilly] Fred: Morning, Gru! How you doing? Gru: Hello, Fred. FYI, your dog has been leaving little bombs all over my yard, and I don't appreciate it. Fred: Sorry. You know dogs. They go wherever they wanna go. Gru: Unless they're dead. [laughs] I'm joking! Although, it is true. Anyway, have a good one. Fred: Okay. Yeah. Steamrolling whatever Gru: [groans] You've got to be pulling on my leg! Margo: Hello! Cookies for sale. Gru: Go away. I'm not home. Margo: Uh, yes, you are. I heard you. Gru: [gasps] No, you didn't. This... [monotone] is a recording. Margo: [scoffs] No, it isn't. Gru: Yes, it is. [o.s.] Watch this. Leave a message, beep. [Edith kicks the door] Gru: Ow! Agnes: Goodbye, recorded message. Margo: [o.s.] Agnes, come on. Gru: Huh? [screams] Kyle! Bad dog! No! No, no. Sit. My muffin. Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru: Ah, Dr. Nefario. Dr. Nefario: I know how you must be feeling. I, too, have encountered great disappointment, but, in my eyes, you will always be one of the greats. Gru: What? What happened? Dr. Nefario: It's all over the news! Some fella just stole a pyramid. They're saying he makes all other villains look... lame. pause Gru: Assemble the minions! [throws Kyle off of his arm] Minions, assemble! Minion: Okay. Okay. Hey! Gru: Looking good, Kevin! How is the family? Good? All right. That's my Billy boy! What up, Larry? Hello, everybody! Yeah, all right! Simmer down. Simmer down! Thank you, okay. Now, I realize that you guys probably heard about this other villain who stole the pyramids. Apparently, it's a big deal. People are calling it the crime of the century and stuff like that. But am I upset? No, I am not! A little, but we have had a pretty good year ourselves, and you guys are all right in my book. Minion: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Gru: No, no raises! You're not going to get any raises. What did we do? Well, we stole the Times Square JumboTron! Nice! That's how I roll. Yeah, you all like watching football on that, huh? But that's not all. We stole the Statue of Liberty, the small one from Las Vegas. And I won't even mention the Eiffel Tower! Also Vegas. Okay, I wasn't going to tell you about this yet, but I have been working on something very big! Something that will blow this pyramid thing out of the water! And thanks to the efforts of my good friend Dr. Nefario... Dr. Nefario: Thank you! Gru: There he is. He's stylin'. Now, we have located a shrink ray in a secret lab, and once we take this shrink ray, we will have the capability to pull off the 'true crime of the century. We are going to steal... The Minions all pull out their weapons in response. Gru: Wait, wait! I haven't told you what it is yet. One of the Minions, Dave, shoots his rocket launcher at a crowd of Minions. Gru: Hey. Dave, listen up, please! Dave: Ditto. One of the Minions Dave shot walks over to him and punches him on the shoulder. Gru: Next, we are going to steal, pause for effect, the moon! The Minions cheer in response. Gru: And once the moon is mine, the world will give me whatever I want to get it back! And I will be the greatest villain of all time! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. [picks up his phone] Yes? Dr. Nefario: Hello, Gru? I've been crunching some numbers, and I really don't see how we can afford this. It can't be done. I'm not a miracle worker. Gru:Hey, chillax. I'll just get another loan from the bank. They love me! Margo: Edith, stop it! Edith: What? I'm just walking. Girls: Hi, Miss Hattie. We're back. Miss Hattie: Hello, girls! Agnes: Anybody come to adopt us while we were out? Miss Hattie: Hmm... Let me think. No! Edith immediately puts a mud pie on Miss Hattie's desk, much to her displeasure. Miss Hattie: Edith! What did you put on my desk? Edith: A mud pie. Miss Hattie: [sighs] You're never gonna get adopted, Edith. You know that, don't you? Edith: Yeah, I know. Miss Hattie: Good. So, how did it go, girls? Did we meet our quotas? Margo: Hmm... Sorta. We sold 43 mini-mints, 30 choco-swirlies and 18 coco-nutties. Miss Hattie: [gets up] Okay.

Well, you say that like it's a great sale day. [furious] Look at my face! Do you still think it's a great sale day? Edith rolls her eyes in response. Miss Hattie: [hangs up a portrait] Eighteen coco-nutties. I think we can do a little better than that, don't you? Yeah. We wouldn't want to spend the weekend in the Box of Shame, would we? No. Girls: No, Miss Hattie. Miss Hattie: Okay, good. Off you go. Go clean something of mine. Girls: Hi, Penny. Penny: Hi, guys. Gru: Hello, Mom. Sorry, I meant to call, but... Gru's Mom: I just wanted to congratulate you on stealing the pyramid. [Gru sighs in disgust] That was you, wasn't it? Or was it a villain who's actually successful? [laughs] Gru: Just so you know, Mom, I am about to do something that's very, very big, very important. When you hear about it, you're going to be very proud. Gru's Mom: Ha! [sarcastically] Good luck with that. Okay, I'm outta here. [hangs up the phone before sending her karate instructor flying] Gru: Gru to see Mr Perkins Receptionist: Yes, please have a seat. Neil Armstrong: That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. Young Gru: Ma, someday I'm going to go to the moon. Gru's Mom: I'm afraid you're too late, Son. NASA isn't sending the monkeys any more. Vector: Hey. I'm applying for a new villain loan. Go by the name of Vector. It's a mathematical term, a quantity represented by an arrow, with both direction and magnitude. Vector! That's me, 'cause I'm committing crimes with both direction and magnitude. Oh, yeah! Check out my new weapon. Piranha gun! Oh, yes! Fires live piranhas. Ever seen one before? No, you haven't. I invented it. Do you want a demonstration? Shoot! So difficult, sometimes, to get the piranha back inside of my... Receptionist: Mr Gru, Mr Perkins will see you now. Gru: So, all I need is money from the bank to build a rocket. And then, the moon is ours. Perkins: Wow! Well, very nice presentation. I'd like to see this shrink ray. Gru: Absolutely! Will do. Soon as I have it. Perkins: You don't have it? And yet you have the audacity to ask the bank for money? Gru: Apparently. Perkins: Do you have any idea of the capital that this bank has invested in you, Gru? With far too few of your sinister plots actually turning a profit. How can I put it? Let's say this apple is you. If we don't start getting our money back... Get the picture? Look, Gru, the point is, there are a lot of new villains out there, younger than you, hungrier than you, younger than you. Like that young fellow out there named Vector. He just stole a pyramid! Gru: I've got it. I've got it. So, as far as getting money for the rocket... Perkins: Get the shrink ray, then we'll talk. Minion: Suckers! Suckers! Gru: We got it! What? Hey! Hey! What! Hey! No, no, no! You! Vectors: Now, maybe you'll think twice before you freeze someone's head! So long, Gru! Gru: Quick! We can't let him get away! Up ahead! Up ahead! Fire! Fire, now! Vector: You missed me! Gru: Come to papa! Take that. Vector: How adorable. Gru: Got you in our sights! Like taking candy from a... What? Vector: Hey, Gru! Try this on for size! Gru: That's weird. What is going... This is claustrophobic! No, no, no! Too small! This is too small for me! [groans] I hate that guy. Margo: ...and please watch over us, and bless that we'll have a good night's sleep. Edith: And bless that while we're sleeping, no bugs will crawl into our ears and lay eggs in our brains. Margo: Great. Thanks for that image, Edith. Agnes: And please bless that someone will adopt us soon, and that the mommy and daddy will be nice and have a pet unicorn. Amen. Margo/Edith: Amen. Agnes: Unicorns, I love them Unicorns, I love them Uni, uni, unicorns I love them Uni, unicorns, I could pet one If they were really real And they are So, I bought one so I could pet it Now it loves me Now I love it Gru: Don't you... What the... Good luck, little girls! Edith: Whoa! Cool. Margo: Hi! We're orphans from Miss Hattie's Home for Girls. Vector: I don't care. Beat it! Margo: Come on! We're selling

cookies so, you know, we can have a better future. Vector: Wait, wait! Do you have coco-nutties? Margo: Yeah. Gru: Light bulb. Dr Nefario! I'm going to need a dozen tiny robots disguised as cookies! Dr. Nefario: What? Gru: Cookie robots! Dr. Nefario: Who is this? - Gru: Oh, forget it. Mrs. Hattie: Well, it appears you have cleared our background check, Dr Gru. And I see you have made a list of some of your personal achievements. Thank you for that. I love reading. And I see you have been given the Medal of Honor and a knighthood. - Minions: Me, me, me. Me, me, me. Minion: Kevin? Mrs. Hattie: You had your own cooking show and you can hold your breath for 30 seconds? It's not that impressive. Minion: Idiot! - Minions: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Mrs Hattie: What in the name of... What? Gru: Well, here's the dealio. Things have been so lonely since my wife, Debbie, passed on. It's like my heart is a tooth, and it's got a cavity that can only be filled with children. I'm sorry. You are a beautiful woman. Do you speak Spanish? Mrs. Hattie: Do I look like I speak Spanish? Gru: You have a face como un burro. Mrs. Hattie: Well, thank you! Gru: Anyway, can we proceed with this adoption? So, so excited! Mrs. Hattie: Please tell Margo, Edith and Agnes to come to the lobby. Margo: I bet the mom is beautiful! Edith: I bet the daddy's eyes sparkle. Agnes: I bet their house is made of Gummi Bears. [Edith and Margo look at her curiously] I'm just saying it'd be nice. [picks up a Cheeto] Aww. My caterpillar never turned into a butterfly. Edith: That's a Cheeto. Agnes: Oh... [eats said Cheeto, making Edith and Margo recoil in disgust] Miss Hattie: Well, Debbie was a very lucky woman. [pause] Gru: Who's Debbie? Mrs Hattie: Your wife. Hi, girls! Girls, I want you to meet Mr Gru. He's going to adopt you. And he's a dentist! Agnes: Yeah! Margo: Hi. I'm Margo. This is Edith. And that's Agnes. Agnes: [sing-song] I got your leg, I got your leg! Gru: Okay, that is enough, little girl. Let go of my leg. Come on. You can do it. Agnes: Higher! Higher! Gru: Just release your grip. Wow! How do you remove them? Is there a command? Some nonstick spray? Crowbar? [sighs] Okay, girls, let's go. [They drove off in the distance.]Vector: Uh-huh! Oh, yeah! Pretty impressive! What are you looking at? Boo-ya! You got shrunk, tiny mouthwash! Take that! You done been shrunk! (His phone rings) Yello? I got the shrink ray, all right. No, I'm not playing with it. Gru? Don't make me laugh! No. P.S., he is not getting the moon, and P.P.S., by the time I'm done with him, he's gonna be begging for mercy. (Shrinks a toilet) Okay, bye. (Hangs up) Look at you, a little tiny toilet for a little tiny baby to... [The toilet pops out and water sprays him.]Vector: Curse you, tiny toilet! [Gru and the Girls arrive at Gru's Home.] Gru: "Okay, here we are. Home sweet home. Margo: So... This is, like, your house? [realizing] Wait a sec... You're the guy who pretended he was a recorded message! Gru: No, that was someone else. [Margo gives a skeptical look before she, Edith and Agnes enter Gru's house, with Gru following suite.] Agnes: [scared] Can I hold your hand? Gru: Uh... No. Edith: [looks around] When we got adopted by a bald guy, I thought this'd be more like "Annie". Gru: No, hey! [screams] Kyle, these are not treats. These are guests. Girls, this is Kyle, my... Dog. Kyle snarls in anger. Agnes: Ooh! Fluffy doggy! [approaches Kyle before he runs away, much to her disappointment] Margo: What kind of dog is that? Gru: He is a... I don't know. Margo: Do you really think that this is an appropriate place for little kids? 'Cause, uh... It's not. [Edith sees a closet that is sharp and goes in it.] Gru: No! No! Stay away from there! It's frag... [He sees juice spilling on the floor.]Both: (Gasps) Gru: Well, I suppose the plan will work with two. Edith: [muffled] Hey! It's dark in here. [Gru opens the iron maiden, revealing Edith, who spits out a straw]Edith: It poked a hole in my juice box. [They went to the

kitchen.] Gru: As you can see, I have provided everything a child might need. All right. Okay. As I was saying... (Edith knocked a bottle down) Gru: (Cont'd) Hey! Oh. Edith: Somebody broke that. Gru: "Okay, okay. Clearly, we need to set some rules. Rule number one. You will not touch anything. Margo: Uh-huh. What about the floor? Gru: Yes, you may touch the floor. Margo: What about the air? Gru: Yes, you may touch the air! Edith: (Gets out a laser gun) What about this? Gru: (Screams) Where did you get that? Edith: [shrugs] Found it. Gru: Okay. Rule number two. You will not bother me while I'm working. Rule number three. You will not cry or whine or laugh or giggle or sneeze or burp or fart! So, no, no, no annoying sounds. All right? Agnes: Does this count as annoying? [popping] Gru: Very! [sighs] I will see you in six hours. Margo: Okay, don't worry. Everything's going to be fine. We're gonna be really happy here. Right? Agnes? Gru: Question. What are these? Dr. Nefario: A dozen boogie robots! Boogie! Look at this. Watch me! Gru: Cookie robots. I said cookie robots. Why are you so old? Dr. Nefario: Okay. I'm on it. Margo: Hello? Agnes: TV! Margo: What is that? Edith: Whoa! That is cool! Come on! Agnes: I don't think he's a dentist.Dr. Nefario: We've been working on this for a while. It's a anti-gravity serum. I meant to close that. He'll be all right, I'm sure. Gru: Do the effects wear off? Dr. Nefario: So far, no. No, they don't. And here, of course, is the new weapon you ordered. Gru: No, no. I said "dart gun," not... Okay. Dr. Nefario: Oh, yes. 'Cause I was wondering under what circumstances would we use this? But, anyway. What I really wanted to show you was this. Gru: Now those are cookie robots! Agnes: La, la, la, la I love unicorns Gru: What are you doing here? I told you to stay in the kitchen! Margo: We got bored. What is this place? Edith: Can I drink this? Dr. Nefario: Do you want to explode? [Edith kicks him in the shin] Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru: Get back in the kitchen! Agnes: Will you play with us? Gru: No. Agnes: Why? Gru: Because I'm busy. Margo: [scoffs] Doing what? Gru: Umm... Okay, okay, you got me. The dentist thing is more of a hobby. In real life, I am a spy. And it is top secret, and you may not tell anybody, because if you do... Edith: What does this do? [She fires a laser and it hits Agnes's unicorn and it burns to ashes]Gru: Hey! Edith: Whoops. Agnes: My unicorn! You have to fix it. Gru: Fix it? Look, it has been disintegrated. By definition, it cannot be fixed. [Agnes gasps in shock, then starts holding her breath] Gru: That's freaking me out. What is she doing? Margo: She's gonna hold her breath until she gets a new one. Gru: [sighs] It is just a toy. Now stop it! (Agnes faints) Gru: Okay, okay! I'll fix it! Tim! Mark! Phil! This is very important. You have to get the little girl a new unicorn toy. Gru: Hey, hey, hey! A toy! Go, and hurry! What are those? Gru: They are my... Cousins. Jerry! Stuart! Watch them and keep them away from me please. [The three minions put on a disguise and head to the store.]Minions: Wow!- Wow! [Meanwhile the two minions and the girls are tossing toilet paper at each other. Gru comes up and he sees the Girls and the two minions having fun.]Edith: It was your cousin's idea. Jerry: What? Gru: Okay, bedtime. Girls: Aww... Minions: Aww... Gru: Not you two! Minions: Yay. Gru: Okey-dokey. Beddie-bye. All tucked in. Sweet dreams. Margo: Just so you know, you're never gonna be my dad. Gru: I think I can live with that. Edith: Are these beds made out of bombs? Gru: Yes, but they are very old and highly unlikely to blow up. But try not to toss and turn. Edith: "Cool." Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story?" Gru: No. Agnes: But we can't go to sleep without a bedtime story. Gru: Well, then it's going to be a long night for you, isn't it? So, good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite. Because there are literally thousands of them. And there's probably something in your closet. Margo: He's just kidding, Agnes. Agnes: It's beautiful. Gru: Girls, let's go.

Time to deliver the cookies! Margo: Okay. But first, we're going to dance class. Gru: Actually, we're going to have to skip the dance class today. Margo: Actually, we can't skip the dance class today. We have a big recital coming up. We're doing an excerpt from Swan Lake. Agnes: Yeah, Swan Lake! Gru: That's fantastic. Wonderful. But we're going to deliver cookies! Come on! Margo: No. Gru: No? Margo: We're not going to deliver cookies until we do dance class. Really? Gru: Well, I am not driving you to dance class. So if you want to go, you are going to have to walk yourselves. What are you doing? Margo: Walking to dance class. Gru: Ya? Okay, fine. You just keep walking, because I'm really not driving you! Margo: Okay. Gru: You're going to suffer the wrath of Gru! Seriously, I'm going to count to three! And you had better be in this car! Here we go! One! Two! Teacher: ...three, four and five. And lift, and stretch. And one, and two... Agnes: Here you go. Gru: What is it? Agnes: Your ticket to the dance recital. You are coming, right? Gru: Of course, of course. I have pins and needles that I'm sitting on. Agnes: Pinkie promise? Gru: Oh, yes. My pinkie promises. All right. Our first customer is a man named Vector. Margo: But he's a V. You know, we're supposed to start with the A's. Then we go to the B's. Then we... Gru: Yes, yes! I went to kindergarten. I know how the alphabet works! I was just thinking that it might be nice to deliver Mr Vector's first. That is all. Almost over. It's almost over. Vector: Girls, welcome back to the fortress of Vector-tude! Do you have my cookies for me? Margo: Four boxes of mini-mints, two toffee totes, two caramel clumpies and fifteen boxes of coco-nutties. Vector: Exactly. I'd like to see somebody else order that many cookies. Not likely. Name one person who ordered more cookies than me. Margo: That'll be $52. Vector: Right. Seven, eight, nine... Tic Tacs! Where was I? Seven, eight, nine... Agnes: Why are you wearing pyjamas? Vector: These aren't pyjamas! This is a warm-up suit. Edith: What are you warming up for? Vector: Stuff. Agnes: What sort of stuff? Vector: Super-cool stuff you wouldn't understand. Agnes: Like sleeping? Vector: They are not pyjamas! Here you go, 52 big ones. Bye! Gru: Come on! Vector: What the...? Quiet down, fish. Down, boy!Gru: [laughs] We did it! Come on, girls, let's go! Margo: But what about the other people who ordered cookies? Gru: Life is full of disappointments... For some people. [chuckles ominously] Agnes: (Screams) Gru: Don't do that! Agnes: Super Silly Fun Land! Can we go? Please? Gru: No. Edith: But we've never been. And it's the funnest place on earth! Gru: "Don't care." Girls: Please? Please? We'll never ask for anything else, ever again! Pretty please? Please? Come on! Come on! Gru: "Light bulb." Edith: Come on! Gru: "Goodbye, have fun. [He began to leave. But a attendant of the roller coaster stopped him.]Carnival Ride Worker: Sorry, dude. They can't ride without an adult. Gru: What? [groans] [Soon Gru gets sick from the roller coaster ride.]Agnes: Oh, my gosh! Look at that fluffy unicorn! He's so fluffy, I'm gonna die! Margo: You've gotta let us play for it! Gru: No, no, no. Agnes: Come on! Gru: How much for the fluffy unicorn?Carnival Barker: Well, it is not for sale. But all you gotta do to win it is knock down that little spaceship there. It's easy! Agnes: Yay! Again! Margo: Wait! Edith: Come on. One more time! Agnes: Just one more. I accidentally closed my eyes. I hit it! I hit it! Edith: That was cool. Awww. Gru: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What was that? She hit that. I saw that with my own eyes.Carnival Barker: Hey, buddy, let me explain something to you. You see that little tin spaceship? You see how it's not knocked over? Do you know what that means, professor? It means you don't get the unicorn! Somebody's got a frowny face. Boo! Better luck next time! Gru: Okay, my turn. [Gru uses a fire gun and it blows up the whole booth.]Gru: "Knocked over!" Agnes: It's so fluffy! Yeah! Margo: That was

awesome! Edith: You blew up the whole thing! Agnes: Let's go. Let's try another game!Dr. Nefario: Gru, do you mind if I have a quick word? Gru: Okay, girls, go play. I got the shrink ray! Cotton candy! Dr. Nefario: We have 12 days until the moon is in optimum position. We can't afford any distractions! Gru: Get me Perkins. Sorry to bother you, Mr Perkins, but I figured that you would want to see this! Mr. Perkins: What? Well done, Gru. Rather impressive.Gru: Now, the rest of the plan is simple. I fly to the moon. I shrink the moon. I grab the moon. I sit on the toi-let. What? (girls start laughing) Sorry. Sorry! Could you excuse me for just one second? I told you not to touch my things. I told you, I told you. I've told you a thousand times. Margo: Hey, can we order pizza? Gru: Pizza? You just had lunch. Edith: Not now, for dinner. Gru: Dinner? Just... Fine, fine, fine, whatever. Just get back in there! Margo: Can we get stuffed crust? Agnes and Jerry: Stuffed crust!Gru: I'll stuff you all in the crust! Agnes: [giggles] You're funny! Gru: Just don't come out of that room again! All right. Sorry about that. Where were we? Mr. Perkins: You were sitting on the toilet. Gru: No, no, no! No, I'm sorry. It was a little attempt at humor. I know how much you like to laugh... [Mr. Perkins glares at him] Inside. Eh, now, I was saying... [the door suddenly opens] You don't seem terribly focused, Gru. Believe me, I am completely focused. Right? Edith: Hello! Mr. Perkins: What? Edith: That guy is huge! Agnes: Are we on TV? Mr. Perkins: What are those? Children?Gru: What are you doing? I told you to stay out of here! No, no, no! *Agnes: Freeze ray!Mr. Perkins: Mr Gru? Gru: Okay. As I was saying... Mr. Perkins: No need to continue. I've seen quite enough. Gru: But my plan... Mr. Perkins: Is a great plan. I love everything about your plan, except for one thing. You. Young Gru: Look, Mom, I drew a picture of me landing on the moon! Look, Mom, I made a prototype of the rocket out of macaroni! Look, Mom, I made a real rocket based on the macaroni prototype! Gru: I don't understand. Mr. Perkins: Let's face reality, Gru. You've been at this for far too long with far too little success. We're gonna put our faith, our money, into a... Well, a younger villain. Gru: But I... Mr. Perkins: It's over. Goodbye, Gru. Gru: Now, I know there have been some rumours going around that the bank is no longer funding us. Well, I am here to put those rumours to rest. They are true. In terms of money, we have no money. So how will we get to the moon? The answer is clear. We won't. We are doomed. Now would probably be a good time to look for other employment options. I know. I have fired up my resume as I suggest that all of you do, as well. What is it? Can't you see that I am in the middle of a pep talk? Yes! Yes, we will build our own rocket using this and whatever else we can find! Grab everything! Hit the junkyards! Take apart the cars! Who needs the bank? Let's go. Let's go! Mom! What are you doing here? Gru's Mom: And here he is in the bathtub. Look at his little buns. Gru: Mom. Not cool. Gru's Mom: And here, he's all dressed up in his Sunday best. Margo: He looks like a girl! Gru's Mom: Yes, he does. An ugly girl! Agnes: You're funny! Edith: Yes! Mine's shaped like a dead guy! Receptionist: Mr. Perkins, your son is here. Mr. Perkins: Send him in. Vector: Hey, Dad. You wanted to see me? Mr. Perkins: Yes, I did, Victor. - Vector: I am not Victor anymore. Victor was my nerd name. Now I am Vector! Mr. Perkins: Sit down. Do you know where the shrink ray is? Vector: Duh! Back at my place. Mr. Perkins: Oh, is that right? Back at your place? That's cool. I guess Gru must just have one that looks exactly like it! Vector: What the...?! Those girls sold me cookies! Mr. Perkins: Do you have any idea how lucrative this moon heist could be? I give you the opportunity of a lifetime, and you just blow it! Vector: No, I didn't. Mr. Perkins: Oh, really?Vector: You just wait until Gru sees my latest weapon. Squid-launcher! Oh, yeah! Man:

There's a squid on my face!Vector: Don't worry. The moon is as good as ours. Gru: Come on now, it's bedtime. Did you brush your teeth? Let me smell. Let me smell. You did not! Put on your PGs. Hold still. Okay, seriously! Seriously! This is beddie-bye time, right now. I'm not kidding around. I mean it! Edith: But we're not tired! Gru: Well, I am tired. Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story? [pause] Gru: No. Agnes: Pretty please? Gru: The physical appearance of the "please" makes no difference. It is still no, so go to sleep. Edith: But we can't. We're all hyper! Margo: And without a bedtime story, we'll just keep getting up and bugging you. All night long. Gru: [sighs] Fine. All right, all right. Sleepy Kittens. Sleepy Kittens? What are these? Agnes: Puppets. You use them when you tell the story. Gru: Okay, let's get this over with. "Three little kittens loved to play, they had fun in the sun all day. "Then their mother came out and said, 'Time for kittens to go to bed."' Wow! This is garbage. You actually like this? Agnes: Keep reading! Edith: Come on! Gru: All right, all right, all right. "Three little kittens started to bawl, "'Mommy, we're not tired at all.' "Their mother smiled and said with a purr, "'Fine, but at least you should brush your fur."' Edith: Now you brush the fur. Gru: This is literature? A 2-year-old could have written this. All right. "Three little kittens with fur all brushed "said, 'We can't sleep, we feel too rushed! ' "Their mother replied, with a voice like silk, "'Fine, but at least you should drink your milk."' Agnes: Now make them drink the milk. Gru: I don't like this book. This is going on forever. "Three little kittens, with milk all gone, rubbed their eyes and started to yawn. "'We can't sleep, we can't even try.' Then their mother sang a lullaby. "'Good night kittens, close your eyes. Sleep in peace until you rise. "'Though while you sleep, we are apart, "'your mommy loves you with all her heart."' The end. Okay, good night. Agnes: Wait! Gru: What? Agnes: What about good night kisses? Gru: No, no. There will be no kissing or hugging or kissing. Margo: He is not gonna kiss us good night, Agnes. Agnes: I like him. He's nice.Edith: [turns off her light] But scary. Like Santa! Dr. Nefario: Only 48 hours till the launch, and all systems are go. Gru: About that, I was thinking that maybe we could move the date of the heist. Dr. Nefario: Please tell me this is not as a result of the girls' dance recital, is it? Gru: No, no, no! The recital? Don't... That's stupid! I just think it's kind of weird to do it on a Saturday. I was thinking, maybe a heist is a Tuesday thing, right? Dr. Nefario: Gru, you and I have been working on this for years. It's everything we've dreamed of. Your chance to make history, become the man who stole the moon! But these girls are becoming a major distraction! They need to go. If you don't do something about it, then I will. Gru: I understand. Dr. Nefario: Good. Minion: Butt. Butt. Butt. Gru: All right. Now, when we put our cups together, we will make the "clink" sound with our mouths. Ready? Edith? Gru: and Edith: Clink. Gru: There we go. And now we drink. And Agnes? Gru and Agnes: Clink. Gru: Very good! Excuse me, girls. Girls: Come on! Gru: Don't worry, I'll be back. Keep clinking. - Clink, clink. - Clink, clink.Gru: Miss Hattie, what are you doing here? Miss Hattie: I'm here for the girls. I received a call that you wanted to return them. [Gru gives her a quizzical look] And also, I did purchase a Spanish dictionary. [swats Gru's head with the dictionary] I didn't like what you said. Gru: But... I will get the girls ready. Agnes: Don't let her take us, Mr. Gru! Tell her you wanna keep us. Mrs. Hattie: All right, girls. Come on, let's go. Margo: Goodbye, Mr. Gru. Thanks for everything. Dr. Nefario: I did it for your own good. Come on, let's go get that moon. Gru: Right. What is this for? The recital? I am the greatest criminal mind of the century. I don't go to little girls' dance recitals! Dr. Nefario: Opening launch bay

doors. Commencing launch sequence. And we are good to go in T minus 10 seconds. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six... Vector: Oh, yeah! Gru: Nice work, Doctor. All systems go. Vector: Boo-ya! My flight suit. Oh, yeah! Once again, the mighty... Gru: I've got it! I've got the moon! I've got the moon. I can make it. Dr. Nefario: Wait a minute! Jerry: Kevin! Gru: Come on! Come on! Agnes: He's still not here. Margo: Why would he come? He gave us up. Agnes: But he pinkie promised! Teacher: Girls, girls, places. Edith: No, we can't start yet! We're still expecting someone. Agnes: Can we just wait a few more minutes? Teacher: All right. But just a few more minutes. Margo: He's not coming, guys. Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru, can you hear me? Quick, we have to warn him, and fast!Gru: Okay, okay. There's the library. That's Third Street. The dance studio... There! There! There it is! Janitor: Sorry, buddy. Show's over.Gru: Over? Gru: Vector, open up! Vector: First give me the moon. Then we'll talk. Agnes: Mr. Gru! Vector: Zip it, Happy Meal. Gru: Now, the girls. Vector: Actually, I think I'll hold on to them a little while longer. Gru: No! Vector: Oh, yeah! Unpredictable! Gru: Listen close, you little punk. When I get in there, you are in for a world of pain! Vector: [laughs sarcastically] I'm really scared. Agnes: He is gonna kick your butt. Vector: What? He punched my shark! Dr. Nefario: There he is! Hang on, Gru. Oh, no! Gru: Vector has the girls. Go! Dr. Nefario: What happened to the ship? It's big again! Not as big as the moon is going to be! Gru: What? Dr. Nefario: The larger the mass of an object, the quicker the effects of the shrink ray wear off! I call it the Nefario Principle. I just came up with it now, actually. Gru: Oh, no! Margo: Did you see that? Girls: Vector! Help! Vector! Over here! Vector: Hey! What are you girls doing back there? Girls: The moon! Watch out! Vector: Ouch! Gru: Get as close in as you can. You got it. Margo: Mr Gru, up here! Agnes and Edith: Mr Gru! Gru: Okay, girls! Girls! You're going to have to jump. Edith: Jump? Are you insane? Gru: Don't worry, I will catch you. Margo: You gave us back! Gru: I know, I know. And it is the worst mistake I ever made. But you have to jump now. Margo: It'll be okay. Gru: Okay, girls. Margo: Jump now! Gru: Margo, I will catch you. And I will never let you go again. Vector: Not so fast! Gru: No! Margo: Let me go! Gru: Margo! I'm coming, Margo. Hang on! I got you.Vector: No! Oh, poop. News Reporter: This time, good triumphs, and the moon has been returned to its rightful place in the sky. But once again, law enforcement is baffled, leaving everyone to wonder, who is this mysterious hero? And what will he do next? Gru: Okay, girls. Time for bed. Edith: Come on! We want a story. Agnes: Three sleepy kittens! Gru: Oh, no! Sorry. That book was accidentally destroyed maliciously. Tonight we are going to read a new book. This one is called One Big Unicorn by... Who wrote this? Me! I wrote it. Look, it's a puppet book! Here, watch this. That's the horn! Agnes: This is gonna be the best book ever! Gru: Not to pat myself on the back, but, yes, it probably will be. Here we go. "One big unicorn, strong and free "thought he was happy as he could be. "Then three little kittens came around "and turned his whole life upside down." Edith: Hey, that one looks like me! Gru: No, what are you talking about? These are kittens! Any relation to persons living or dead is completely coincidental. "They made him laugh. "They made him cry. "He never should have said goodbye. "And now he knows he could never part "from those three little kittens "that changed his heart. "The end." Okay, all right. Good night. Margo: I love you. Gru: I love you, too. No, no! All right. Didn't I get you already? They're very good! Gru's Mom: I'm so proud of you, Son. You've turned out to be a great parent! Just like me. Maybe even better. Gru: No, I'm fine. Go ahead. No, no, no! THE END Hey, Carl! Hey. No, no, no. Me, me, me. John? No, no. Me, me, me. Oh,

poop. Oh, no! Stop! Stop! Hello, I am Gru. Back to work, back to work! Back to…

IS THIS THE ENTIRE FUCKING SCRIPT?

[achliegh]

Golden

(Sorry if this Chapter is lack luster :/ )

Yeehaw Leo… it's all because this song came on one day (I don’t even really listen to country anymore so it really is fate). Leo is based off that song, each chapter is going to be based off a yeehaw song too.

Characters belong to @lumosinlove

TW/CW: Smut, terrible yeehaw sayings and jokes, injuries, mentions of past death, minor character death, underage drinking, mentions of past arrests, cringe

Chapter Songs (listening in order is recommended):

Ladies Love Country Boys

Bonfire Playlist: Spotify, Youtube

Watching Airplanes

Chapter 2:

Cowboy Sweet Ass sent you a Location

New Message from Cowboy Sweet Ass

See you there ;)

Finn was nervous, he wasn’t gonna lie, Logan and Him are leaving tomorrow for Gryff and this is the last night they can see Leo. Who, neither of them will admit this, has kindly wiggled his way into their brains for every minute of everyday. Sometimes to break a long silence between the two of them they will talk about Leo. How they were going to cope when they can’t see him again is unknown and something he didn’t want to think about.

They hadn’t actually seen Leo in the past five days, with their training schedule and Leo helping set up a charity arena for the thing they were supposed to meet him at tonight, it was just late night calls that were still kinda awkward at times. But always had them smiling as they fell asleep.

Walking up the dirt path, where the uber had dropped them off, Logan and Finn weren’t sure they were in the right place until they saw the huge crowd gathered around a tall metal fence with bleachers and an announcers corner that's up on a hydraulic lift, speakers set up so people can hear the quick talking of the men commenting on whatever was happening.

Horses and people on them were everywhere. This causes Logan a lot of stress, as someone who is terrified of horses… This is not ideal. Especially when one is trotting toward them at a scary fast speed.

Finn recognized Clayton immediately, trotting over at a leisurely pace on a cool looking horse he waves. He notices Logan hiding himself completely behind Finn’s back. Finn held his hand out for Logan to take and squeeze if everything got too much for him. Logan wasn’t good in big crowds.

“Well look who it is!” Clayton hops off his living vehicle and patting her neck. “Let me introduce you to my babe, This” He gestures towards the mare, “Is Leroy, she is a Blanket Appaloosa! Have you guys met Peanut yet? He’s chilling with Eloise, Leo’s mom, you better hope he likes you or else… yeah, or else.” Clay flashes them his slightly crooked but stupidly white smile as he absentmindedly pets Leroy’s neck.

Feeling a squeeze of his hand he looks back to see an absolutely terrified Logan, not knowing about his fear of horses Finn is just confused. So, he goes into a ‘ get Logan alone’ mind set.

“We will find you in a minute, we’re gonna explore!” Finn smiles back and Clayton nods as he swings his leg back over Leroy and clicks his tongue so she struts back towards the group of other yeehaws on their own horses, they all had numbers pinned to their backs which was weird but Finn guessed Leo would explain later. Claytons was CR243, and it looked like it was about to fall off. He notices how someone would go in real fast and then come out after a minute or two. The announcer talked too fast for him to catch.

Leading Logan to a more open area he turns to face him and raises an eyebrow.

“Okay, what's wrong?”

“Ummmm, J'ai peur des chevaux….” Logan isn’t looking him in the eyes and has an embarrassed flush to his face. Finn, having no clue what he said, gently grabs his chin to make him look at him, Lo hasn’t run his finger through his hair yet so that means he isn’t nervous around Finn at least. Fixing Logan with a slightly irritated but still worried look, Logan sighs and tries to say something but instead what comes out is a terrified yelp as something takes his hat off his head and pulls some of his hair at the same time, then drops it at his feet.

Whipping around and jumping into Finn’s arms bridal style Logan shrieks as he is met with a blonde horse that almost looks smug. The little splotchy white stripes on its snoot may make it look kinda cute but Logan knows what can happen if you get on a horse's bad side. It happened to Sydney, he didn’t need it to happen to him too.

“Peanut!” A very tall and beautiful older woman walks over to them laughing a little, she has a hearing aid in her left ear and soft blue eyes bright with amusement stare them down. “Sorry Y’all, he likes to find new people to mess with.” She smiles and there is just something so familiar about those deep dimples and sharp cheekbones. She is wearing tight jeans with knee high army green cowboy boots, a white button up with a black cowboy hat contrasting the golden curls falling out from under it. She is wearing a sash with the words ‘Miss Louisiana 1971’ the wrinkles on her face didn’t make her look old and crinkly like people like to think, but more like a gracefully aging woman. She holds her hand out to Finn for him to shake, Logan is still in his arms so it is as much of an invitation to him as Finn. “I’m Eloise, this is my son’s horse.” She looks them up and down after shaking both their hands. “He would like you two.” She smiles one last time, giving them a giant wink and leads Peanut away from them back to the bullpens where they spot Leo sitting on the top of a fence talking to a couple of people.

Finn looks at Logan and sets him down.

“So.. horses?”

“Shut up”

“You go for a cowboy and are afraid of horses!” Finn is bent over laughing and clutching his stomach while Logan crosses his arms and looks around annoyed after he dusted off his hat and put it back on his head.

“What’s so funny?” they look over to see Leo in full get up. Smiling bright, showing off his chipped tooth. His hair was flattened by a black sturdy cowboy hat, his blue button up vibrant under his black vest. The vest had a couple of logos stitched into it for Absolut Vodka, Mt. Dew, and Ariat…. Leo was sponsored? He was also wearing some jeans that fit him just right around his booty that they could see through his assless black chaps that had iridescent tassels on them, with his black boots and belt to match. His silver buckle stood out with the light reflecting off it.

“Wow… you look great.” Logan just melts into Leo’s side when Leo wraps an arm around his shoulders. “But tell Finn to stop being a jerk.” Logan put on his best pout when looking up at the taller man, who looked at him with a look that made his heart feel like it was about to jump out of his chest. It didn’t alarm him though, it was nice to feel like this. But it can’t last forever.

“What's he doing that's so mean.” Leo turns his attention to Finn who is smiling at them like he's watching two kittens cuddle into each other. His eyes bright with happiness, his smiles wide.

“He’s making fun of me because I’m scared of horses.” Logan wraps his arms around Leo’s waist and squishes his cheek into his chest to look as cute as possible, so Leo will be on his side. Which… fails.

“You’re afraid of horses!” Leo hugs Logan as he starts laughing, smacking a kiss on the top of Logan’s annoyed forehead and squeezes him. “You’re so cute.” Suddenly they hear numbers coming over other speakers and Leo perks up. “Oh I’m up soon! I hope y’all are gonna stay and watch because I would love to take you to the bonfire tonight.” He pulls Finn into the embrace and gives them both a quick peck on the lips, smiling when they chase his lips. “There should be an open spot in the bleachers or, you could watch from Peanut.”

“Bleachers!” Logan gets out of Leo’s arms and starts pulling both the boys towards the crowd without horses. Leo helps them find a spot next to some girls who flirt with Leo but he has no fucking clue. He is just focused on getting Finn and Logan a good spot.

“Alright, my number is BR11710, so when you hear that you’ll know I’m up! I think Clay might come and find you, he had a good run earlier wrangling those troublemaking claves, so keep an eye out for him.” He smiles and climbs down the bleachers gracefully until the last small step where his spur gets caught and he has to yank it out of the cevous it got stuck in. Looking back up at Finn and Logan his cheeks were red as he shrugged and sauntered off towards the chutes.

“Hola losers!” Clayton plops down above with and slaps a hand on their shoulders. “Excited to see him ride? Or have you already? Actually I would know because we overshare way too much.” Smiling, Clayton is covered in dirt and his cowboy hat has been traded out for a ball cap and his button up taken off to be just a white tank top. A tall pale girl sat down with Clayton and was scrolling on her phone looking uninterested. Clayton sits up and wraps an arm around her waist. “Oh this is Ashley, my girlfriend.” She looks up and gives them an irritated wave before going back to her phone.

“Ride? What’s he doing?” Finn looks at him confused after sharing a look with Logan about the irritated girlfriend, then they hear the announcers call Leo's number.

“Alrighty ladies and gentlefolk! We have something special for y’all! One of our very own PBR riders is here to ride the roughest toughest bull of the day! Ole Forty Days!” The crowd cheers as a confused Finn and Logan look at Clayton who whoops and hollers for his bestie. Whistling with his thumb and forefinger in his mouth.

“Alright Jimmy lets get in some commentary before the ride starts, Leo Knut is a 19 year old Professional Bull Rider, his Mother is Eloise Knut also known as Miss Rodeo of 1970 and Miss Louisiana of 1971. His father was Wyatt Knut, Air Force Veteran who was also Leo’s biggest role model.”

“Was?” Logan whispers and gives a sad look to Finn who is busy watching Leo, he is on this tank of an animal, large, white, horns the size of his whole forearm. Leo was adjusting the way he is sitting and has an underside grip on the rope around the bull, wrapping it around his palm to make sure there isn’t a tether that can be stepped on and yank him off.

“Ole Forty Days is the only PBR bull here today, worth millions he is undefeated 32-0 in his career this year. Will Leo who is 30-2 this year be able to stay on those eight seconds.”

Leo hits the challenge button and the gate flies open, Ole Forte days is wild! Finn is automatically on his feet as he watches Leo with his hand up in the air, eyes hard from focusing and counting in his head. Forte turns a 45 degree buck and just about tosses Leo but his grip is so tight that he lasts those eight seconds. The announcers went crazy the entire time.

As he dismounts the still bucking bull his wrist gets caught in the rope he was holding earlier because of the way his glove is falling apart. The rodeo clowns distract the bull fast enough for Leo to get himself detached, falling on the ground. The bull tosses Leo onto the ground and just misses stomping on his ankles. Leo hops onto the fence, the adrenaline is pumping through his veins and his eyes are bright as he searches for the boys in the stand watching him with fear etched into their faces. When his eyes met Logan’s the fear turned into relief and Leo felt the adrenaline making his heart beat even faster.

After Forte is corralled back into the pen to have the rope around his hips removed Leo jumps off the fence and takes his hat off bowing to the crowd, and they love it, whistling and whoops are heard. He points to Finn, Logan and Clayton. Clayton is so excited and starts dragging the other two down the bleachers leaving Ashley behind. Leo doesn’t like her at all so it's fine. Leo turns around and walks towards sports medicine and lets them take a look at his wrist. As his adrenaline starts to fade away the tweak in his wrist starts to bother him as the medic wraps it up.

“You just ruined Forte’s career!” Clay hugs him from the side and picks him up all excited, his girlfriend who decided to join looks at them unapprovingly. Finn and Logan basically tackle Leo to the ground once Clay puts him down. One on each side of him, balanced.

“Are you insane! That could have killed you!” Finn is shaking a laughing Leo by his collar as Logan examines the way his wrist is wrapped.

“I know, I technically wrecked at the end but I still got my eight seconds!” He smiles and takes his hand from Logan, cupping his cheek and rubbing his thumb over the soft skin.

“You never told us you rode bulls! Leo, a little heads up would have been appreciated!” Logan whacks him on the back of the head after they stand up.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. How can I make it up to you?” Leo puts an arm around them and kisses their temples. They had an idea. Where to do it was the question.

The rodeo ended not long after Leo’s ride, the charities the winners chose would be given a five thousand dollar check courtesy of the Knut’s. After Leo was done taking down the arena, a large pile of wood was set up with large equipment. Leo pulled a Clayton and took off his chaps, vest, button down, and hat off so he was wearing a white shirt and a ball cap.

Leo made up for scaring Finn and Logan by pulling them into the back seat of his truck. Leo sitting in the middle of the seat with Finn straddling one leg, hunched over and sucking on Leo’s neck. Logan straddled Leo’s other leg and kissed him with a ferocity that made them both groan. Leo rested his hands in Finn’s hair and on Logan’s hip. Pulling away Leo turns his head to face Finn, guiding him from his neck to lips. He feels Logan push his hand underneath his shirt and smirks into his kiss with Finn. Moving his hands to squeeze both of their asses, causing Logan’s breath to hitch and Finn to moan. He is about to suggest something spicy when a knock on the window alerts them that the party has started.

Why does Clay always have to stick to his word? Leo asked him to let them know when it was time to move his truck to have the tailgate facing the fire, and now was that time. Leo’s head thumps back onto the seat as he lets out an annoyed sigh.

“Well, I guess we have a party to attend… I’m gonna get so drunk.” He smiles and gives his boys one last kiss before he ushers them out of the truck so he can get out of the backseat to move it.

Finn wanders over to Clayton who has Ashley under his arm, she is tall and very skinny. Her long brown hair was in a French braid, she was wearing short shorts, boots and a crop top. He has a very sour look on her face as Finn walks over to them. Logan on the other hand, goes to take a piss in the porta potty. Something he is not fond of doing.

Leo moves his truck and gets out to put the tailgate down so people can sit on it, climbing into the bed of the truck he opens the cooler in the back and takes out two budlights, Leo doesn't really care for budlight but they need to be drunk.

“CLAYTON!” He shouts as the three walk over to the truck, chucking the beer at his friend; they both take out their keys, puncturing the cans and shotgunning the beers.

A few hours and a lot of drinks later Leo was singing to Finn, standing between his legs as Finn sat on the tailgate next to Logan who was filming.

“You can train 'em, You can try to teach 'em right from wrong. But it's still gonna turn 'em on!” Finn can’t help but laugh and wrap his arms around Leo’s necklaces he sang, every once in while facing Logan's phone and singing into the camera as he filmed. Taking a drink of his beer he smacks a sloppy kiss on Finn's cheek and skips away to Clayton to dance like idiots as Luke Bryan sang about shaking it for birds and bees.

The two drunken best friends wrap and arm around each other hips with their drinks in the other hand, putting left side to right side they swing back and forth to the beat as they scream out the music.

Later on Leo picks Logan up so his arms are around his neck and his legs are around his waist and spins around while humming to a song about wheels and Finn looks so smitten that clayton takes a picture to show him and laughs as he send it to Leo, who has managed to misplace his phone… for the millionth time.

Setting Logan down he wraps his arms around the shorter man's shoulders and rests his chin on top of his head as he bounces to the beat. Logan leans his forehead to rest on Leo’s chest and uses his hand that isn’t holding his water to loop his finger into one of Leo’s belt loops he wishes he could take a screenshot in his brain.

Hours passed, singing and horrible dancing, more drinking for Clay and Leo until it sounded like a good idea to see who could crush a folding table by jumping off Clayton’s truck. Finn managed to lead them away before they actually tried it by telling them’ Leo could def dance better than Clayton’. Which turned into the worst dance battle ever seen. Two drunk teenagers and country music make for terrible dancing but a lot of laughs. Eventually, the fire dies down, the drinks run out and the boys get tired. Finn wrangles Leo into the back seat of the truck after lifting the tailgate, moving to go to the drivers seat because Logan might be to short to drive and they are to dumb to figure out how to move the seats, Leo latches onto him and pulls him into the backseat with him.

“Hey! How do you expect me to drive back here!” Finn pokes Leo’s nose and Leo catches his finger in his mouth biting him. Finn squawks and pulls his finger away. Looking at Leo offended, laughing a little as Leo is looking at him with this tiny smirk. “That was rude.” Leo narrows his eyes playfully and flips them so Finn is laying on his back with Leo snuggling into his chest.

Logan gets in on the passenger side and looks up to see Finn in the back seat being snuggled by an oddly cat like Leo who is rubbing his face on Finn’s soft t shirt, when his eyes meet Logans he blushes so vibrantly pink and has the shyest smiles as he hides his face in Finn’s chest again. Logan looks at Finn who looks like he's dying from cuteness overload. Logan moves over to the driver's seat and sits all the way on the edge of the seat to be able to touch the petals. Logan doesn’t have a clue where Leo lives… but he does remember how to get back to the hotel.

Trying to get a clingy 6’3” cowboy into a hotel room while he is intoxicated is a lot easier than you would think. He was tired, stripping down the second they walk into the door he lands on the bed in his boxer briefs and spoons Logan and grips Finn’s arm as he falls asleep.

They all slept incredibly well that night, warm, close, and together.

The next morning was the morning The Lions leave to go back to Gryffindor. Leo was up before the other two, showered and dressed when he woke them up with peppering kisses all over their faces.

“Good morning, Honey Bees. Y’all need to get up and get ready to leave, you go home today.” Leo runs his hand through Finn’s hair as he greets them with a sad smile. He doesn’t want them to leave, but he knows that this isn’t some fairytale where two princes will give up their dreams to be with him. That’s not what he wants anyway. The other two finally get up, Finn goes to shower as Logan changes and packs his bag. Glancing at Leo every once in a while, like he wants to say something.

“Leo, what are you still doing here?” Logan drops his bag by the door and turns around to face the taller man, crossing his arms and giving Leo a cold look. Leo is a little taken back by this, Logan has never looked at him like that, and he wasn’t expecting it from how nice yesterday was.

“I was to see you two off… is that okay?” Leo starts to feel uncomfortable under the harsh eyes he found so pretty, he starts picking at the wrap around his wrist, breaking eye contact with Logan as a sinking feeling seeps into his chest. He never expected anything to actually come from this but he ached for it.

He knows where this is going.

“I don’t know what you think is going to happen after we leave, but we aren’t going to be fawning over you when we are busy with our own careers. You are just… a guy who we had a fling with. Finn and I aren’t even together so don’t expect anything.” Logan's voice stayed low in volume but echoed in Leo’s ears.

“I wasn’t expecting anything. I just wanted to see you guys leave, say goodbye, maybe…” Leo didn’t finish his sentence when he looked up at an annoyed and frustrated Logan. “What did I do?” He hears the bathroom door open and Finn walks into the room whistling in fresh clothes as he dries his hair with a towel.

“You don’t mean anything to us Leo'' Finn hears Logan and knows exactly what’s going on, Logan has done this to him many times. This is Logan’s way of cutting off something he wants in a way he knows won't bring the person back, even though he always feels horrible eventually. Finn has been a victim of Logan’s lashing out many times, and he hasn’t left, because he loves Logan. He really really likes Leo, he gives his heart a similar jolt that Logan does. From what they have discussed, Logan felt the same. Logan doesn’t allow himself the luxury of feeling like this though.

Leo looks absolutely shattered after Logan’s words sank in. He looks over to Finn who looks like he’s in his own head, then back to Logan. “I really really like you guys-”

“Stop being a fucking child Leo! This isn’t something we can continue after we leave, we would get torn to shreds by the league! Not everything is about you and we don’t want you! So just go back to your fucking farm and forget us.” Logan grabs his bag and walks out the door slamming it shut, going to be the first one on the bus that just pulled up to take the team to the airport.

Leo stares at where Logan was when red catches his eye, Finn stops and gives Leo a sad smile, tucking a piece of hair behind his ear. Finn then turns his back to Leo and follows Logan out the door. Leaving Leo alone in the hotel room… He reaches in his pocket and pulls out the hotel keycard, standing up he goes to leave it on the table of the room, he stops just before he sets the key down.

He takes the card and walks out of the room, Climbing into his truck that was horribly parked, he finds his phone on the floor of the passenger side. Picking up his phone, he calls up the only person he knows who would be willing to hang out even if he was sick from last night.

“Clay? Can you meet me somewhere?”

A half hour and some McDonald's hash browns later. Clayton and Leo were sitting on top of Leo’s truck hood watching the airplanes take off, sipping on soda they got with their food. They watched in a comfortable silence as planes brought people in and took people away.

Logan and Finn were on one of those.

[capsironunderoos]

Five Minutes

Eggsy Unwin X GN!Reader

Summary: Eggsy gets a suspicious call from the reader who’s off on an assignment.

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: Death, blood, and mentions of the reader skipping breakfast, but not for any reason other than time and that feeling you get when you wake up too early and you can’t eat. 

Author’s Note: I had some requests to post this a while back and never did and I just randomly remembered it tonight. Also, I’m pretty sure the reader is gender neutral, but if I accidentally left in something that contradicts that please let me know! It’s kind of short, but I hope you guys enjoy!

Here’s a link to my masterlist: capsironunderoos masterlist

Your body is slack against the cool wall behind you, the silence of the hallway before you almost echoing and overpowering the footsteps you’re sure you hear from far off. 

The hallway has now begun to spin too, but maybe that’s just because you hadn’t had much to eat for breakfast. 

While you were a top agent for the Kingsman association, able to crack codes almost as fast as you could break someone’s neck, it would take an army just to get you to eat breakfast. 

Or a stubborn boyfriend who swore he only wanted the best for you, which equaled you not falling out at some point during your busy day due to the lack of sustenance in your system. 

At the thought of your boyfriend, a smile forms on your face and you slowly lift your watch to your eye-line, trying your best to combat the wave of nausea from moving. 

A few memorized movements later and you’re waiting to hear his voice cut through the comms in your ear. 

In the pause of waiting, you notice the excess sweat running down your forehead and your inability to catch a deep breath. 

You promise yourself that you’ll talk your boyfriend into taking you to lunch once you’ve got him on the phone. 

“Hello my darling.” 

His voice interrupts your thought process on where exactly you plan on talking him into going for lunch. 

“Hello Eggsy.” You reply cheerily. 

“It’s early. How did it go? I mean, it must’ve gone good yeah? You are calling me.” 

You giggle as he rambles, knowing how easily he worries about you. 

“It went well. I broke the code and sent the information to Merlin.” 

“Any bad guys?” 

“Not anymore.” You sing-song and he laughs, the noise temporarily clearing your muddled thoughts. 

“(Y/N),” he starts, and his change in tone makes you uneasy. 

“Are you still on site?” 

You close your eyes in defeat and press your head against the wall behind you. 

It would be just like you to forget the tracker in your watch. 

And the camera in your glasses. 

“What are you doing sitting down? Is everything alright?” 

You sigh and gasp for air for a moment, a ragged breath escaping your lips before you can answer. 

“Just needed a moment love. I skipped breakfast again this morning.” 

The sigh he emits isn’t one of relief, it’s more “I know you’re lying but I’m not going to say anything.” 

The line falls silent for a beat before he begins to tell you about his next assignment and then an update on Roxy, who’s been on assignment in America for a few months now. 

He’s trying to help you put your mind on other things besides what he thinks is just your stomach growling at you for skipping the most important meal of the day. 

You respond at the right times and he’s none the wiser, seemingly having forgotten, or just not noticed, that you haven’t moved from your spot on the floor. 

It hasn’t been happening for long, but you’ve tried your best to stop it. 

You’d noticed it earlier as Eggsy was telling you about Roxy falling in front of an important Statesman, but you’d refused to acknowledge that it was anything other than the residue from that close call with the knife. 

When you finally glance down to look at your side and take in the damage you hear Eggsy stop. 

Your fingers are stained red and sticky, and it takes an exorbitant amount of strength to pry them away from your side. 

You laugh and Eggsy is now the one who can’t catch his breath. 

“I didn’t eat breakfast today.” 

“I know, you told me.” He whispers and you can hear Merlin murmuring something in the background about being late. 

You don’t remember telling him. 

“I don’t remember that. I don’t even remember why I called you. Or what I’m doing here.” 

Your voice trails off and Eggsy wants to scream. 

He wants to yell and fuss. 

Why didn’t you call him sooner? 

Why didn’t you try to make it back to the airplane? 

Why did you call him and pretend everything was okay? 

Why had he just simply believed everything was okay? 

“Darling can you stay awake for me? Me and Merlin are on our way.” 

You hum, feeling faint and tired. 

“He came outta nowhere. I mean, you shoulda seen ‘em. Fast.” You slur and Eggsy can’t move fast enough to get to you. 

He knows it’s too far. Deep down he does, really. You’re quite literally a plane ride away. 

But he won’t accept that. He can’t. 

What kind of Kingsman would he be if he gave up on another agent? What kind of person would he be if he gave up on you? 

That’s what he tells Merlin to convince him to go to you. 

“Keep telling me about him, my love.” 

He knows that all of the pet names in the world won’t keep this from unfolding, but that doesn’t stop him. 

He wishes he could see you, instead of staring down the stark and empty hallway in front of you.

You hear him shuffling around and Merlin talking to him in the background, but all you can focus on is how the red of your blood has woven itself into the pattern of your favorite suit. 

“This...” you cry out suddenly, and Eggsy’s heart constricts, “was my favorite suit.” 

You’re surprised to feel cool tears streaming down your face and you slowly reach up to wipe them away. 

“I know, but we’ll have you another one made just like it, okay?” 

He glances to Merlin and Merlin nods. 

“Tell her.” He provokes and Eggsy can feel tears sitting against his waterline. 

“Listen, my darling, I love you okay?” He forces out and he can hear you sniffle. 

“I love you too.” 

Your weak reply nearly stops his heart, the only urge for it to continue beating being the feeling of the plane’s wheels landing against the earth. 

Eggsy has barely allowed Merlin to stop the plane before he is running, running, running. 

He rounds the corner and stops so fast that Merlin literally knocks into him. 

But Eggsy is stone. He is unmoving. 

You were this close to the door? One more turn and you could have been home. 

With him. 

Safe. 

His feet feel heavy as lead, dragging themselves to where you sit, body slumped against the wall. 

Your fingers lay open on top of your wound, blood still slowly wrapping around them. 

He can tell you’ve tried to wipe away the few tears you let fall by the messy streaks of blood that line your cheeks. 

Your red-soaked suit sends him over the edge and he crumbles onto the floor beside you, knees hitting your hip as he wraps his shaking hands around your face, turning you towards him. 

Minutes.

It took a mere five minutes to rip you away from the Kingsman.

From the job you adored, and the friends you’d made. 

From him. 

After everything, all of the birthdays and holidays and brunches and assignments and love, all it took was five minutes. 

“It’s not fair.” He murmurs to anyone who cares to listen and Merlin shifts behind him. 

Merlin has seen death in the field before, but he is speechless when it comes to offering a word of comfort now. 

Eggsy pulls you against him, your blood now starting to color his suit red. 

“You did so good darling.”

[ladyreapermc]

Rules of Engagement 1/? (Henry x OFC)

Summary: Henry and Em have been friends for almost ten years and involved in a casual affair for just as long. The rules were simple: no romantic attachment and their friends and family couldn’t know. Easy enough to do right? However, when new complications emerge, Henry and Em will need to navigate this relationship of theirs, if they can even call it that. Chapter 02 | Chapter 03 |  Chapter 04  | Chapter 5  | Chapter 06

Author’s Notes: Here it is. My first official series for Henners. I’m strangely nervous, because it’s sort of my baby and I have been putting lots of work on it for a couple of months now. So I would really, really appreciate feedback if you could take some time to do it.

Wordcount: 4815

Warnings: alcohol consumption; smut (oral; dirty talk; penetration)

Chapter 01: Casual Affair

It was by pure chance that when Emeline’s flight coming from Istambul had technical difficulties while on air, they stopped in Budapest of all places. However, it was straight bad luck that what was supposed to be just a quick stop turned into an allnighter due to more serious engine problems, with her new flight being scheduled for the next morning.

She considered just getting herself a hotel but it was nearly ten p.m. she was exhausted and Em really didn’t want to deal with finding a half-decent place to crash when she could just call Henry. That was what friends were for right?

Henry came, of course. That was the kind of person he was. Kind and helpful. Dependable. He hugged her tight, since they hadn’t seen each other since Clara and Todd’s baby had been born, before taking her carryon like the perfect gentleman and ushering Em into the rental car he had been using during his stay.

During the drive, he talked in an excited tone about the series and all the work he had to do. Em could only smile at the huge grin on his lips and the glint of excitement in his blue eyes. It was quite something to see Henry this happy and engaged with a project. Em was truly glad for him, but she was also tired, never being one to sleep on airplanes, so her contributions to the conversations were just hmms and nods every now and then, not that Henry seemed to mind.

“Did you eat?” Henry asked once he parked at the driveway of the cute white house and its perfectly maintained lawn that had been his home for the last couple of months.

“Airport food? Please!” she pulled a face, making Henry laugh as he led the way through the stone pathway.

“You’re such a food snob,” he commented, pausing by the front door, and Em was already smiling because she could hear Kal’s whines through the door.

“I’m not. I just have good taste.” Em dropped to her knees to pet and greet Kal which shot out the second Henry opened the door.

She had always loved dogs but never had a chance to have one for herself. At first, her father didn’t allow it, but once she moved out Em didn’t really have the space to keep one so she channeled all her dog mom tendencies towards Kal.

“Sometimes I think you’re only friends with me so you can see Kal regularly,” Henry teased once she let go of the dog long enough to step inside and Em smirked at him.

“You are not wrong, Cavill,” she said, her gaze traveling over the tasteful décor of the house, but her focus was instantly drawn to the kitchen and as soon as she shook off her coat on Henry’s waiting hands, she made a beeline to the room, in Em’s opinion the most important part of any house. “I love your kitchen.” She ran her hands over the wooden countertops and light blue cabinets.

“Technically, it’s not mine,” he chuckled, moving towards the fridge. “I have aubergine lasagna leftovers. Want some?”

“That sounds disgusting,” Em said with a grimace. “But it will do.”

She settled at the isle with the heated lasagna, once again listening to Henry babble about the project and his castmates and how things were going in the set. Some of it she had already heard since they texted every day, but Em enjoyed listening to Henry and actually missed his deep baritone voice.

It made her glad that she chose to do this, instead of staying at some crappy motel by herself, awake most of the night since Em had a hard time sleeping in other beds that weren’t hers. At least here she had Henry and she missed him.

“So how was Istambul?” he asked, bringing her plate to the sink, refusing to let her clean up herself.

“It was amazing,” Em sighed, chin resting on her hand as she watched Henry’s back unseeingly. She was actually thinking back on her journey, in which she had spent a week exploring the city and the sights, completely by herself just like she preferred.

Now, with her belly full, it was her time to babble about everything she saw and experienced while there. Em knew Henry had seen the pictures and stories on her Instagram. He liked everything she posted during the week, but there something about the way he was watching her, the focused look in his dazzling blue eyes like she was telling him the most interesting story in the world, that just made Em keep going, even as Henry finished the dished and they moved to get more comfortable in the couch.

“It does sound like you had fun,” he smiled at her, body turned her way on the couch, head resting on his palm as he listened, his other hand holding his glass of wine. “But don’t you miss having someone to share the experience?

“Sometimes,” Em shrugged, sipping her wine, she was in her third glass by now and she really ought to slow down, her mind was already getting a little foggy.

She had been doing these travels since she turned eighteen. First, she had her best friend Clara as her companion, but as they got older, Em started doing by herself since Clara couldn’t. One or two boyfriends in her time had offered to come along once, but it felt wrong to taint the memories of those trips with someone that might not be with her for the long run.

“But it’s nice too, you know? To have my own thing, without anyone else,” she scratched Kal behind the ears, just like he liked it, smiling at the way he rested his head on her knee to keep being petted. “Thanks again for letting me stay.”

“Anytime,” Henry replied with a smile, his own eyes clouded with alcohol.

They had been talking for hours, one and a half bottles of wine gone in the process. Enough alcohol to make Em’s mind wander as she took in Henry’s impressive physique, the stupid amount of muscles he built up for the series stretching his blue button-down. His dark hair falling in messy curls over his forehead, just like she Em liked it and the blush of alcohol making his cheeks even sharper.

Fighting the allure of the man before her, Em shifted her gaze down to Kal, but it was like he could pick up that something was about to happen, because pulled away from her touch, trouting out the back door, leaving her with only one option now.

Henry’s palm was warm and rough against her jaw as he tilted Em’s face back towards him, his eyes searching for her consent before his lips landed on hers in a soft kiss that gradually grew heated as their mutual need for each other was set alight.

Em sighed against his lips, giving in to the urge that had been brewing from the second she dialed his number. She inched closer, fisting his shirt, licking into his mouth and chasing the taste of wine on his tongue as Henry let his fingers wander down her torso, sneaking under her blouse to touch skin.

“Bedroom,” she mumbled against his lips. “Last time on the couch was a mess.”

“Yeah,” Henry chuckled getting to his feet and leading the way backward, his mouth never leaving hers, his touch getting bolder as their kisses because more desperate.

“This is the last time we do this,” Em declared, fingers undoing the buttons of his shirt or at least trying to. The amount of alcohol she consumed was enough to leave her a little uncoordinated. Henry was doing only slightly better.

“You’ve said that the last five times.”

Em could feel his smirk as his mouth descended over her jaw, pressing sucking kisses on her neck. He loved to leave marks all over her. No matter how many times Em asked him not to, Henry would just ignore it. It was as if he knew she secretly loved to watch herself in the mirror in the following week and be reminded of how amazing the sex had been.

“I mean it this time,” Em said, finally undoing his shirt and pushing it down his shoulders, exposing Henry’s chiseled chest to her wandering hands.

“I think you said that too, last couple of times,” Henry pointed out, shaking his shirt to the floor and pulling hers over her head, leaving Em standing there in only jeans. “Just admit it: you love how I fuck you.”

“Like you don’t enjoy it too,” she said, pushing him towards the bed, and Henry fell back with a bounce and a chuckle.

“Oh, I definitely enjoy it,” he declared, that same smug smirk in place as she undid his pants. “Never said otherwise. Never been in denial either. You’re the one…” He trailed off with a groan when Em freed his hard cock, giving a couple of quick tugs before running her tongue over the underside vein.

Em didn’t want to think about the fact that Henry was absolutely right. She had always been the one to often have second thoughts about this casual affair the two of them had been keeping for years, but not because she didn’t like Henry. It was quite the opposite, Em liked Henry a little too much, but knew it just wouldn’t work, not when he was always all over the world shooting his movies and tv shows, while mostly she stayed in London due to her own work.

And they were both too career-driven and unwilling to concede to the other. If even as just friends, she and Henry were frequently bumping heads, Em could only imagine how terrible they would be as a couple.

She still remembered that fateful night that Clara dragged her to a sport’s bar of all places because she wanted Em to officially meet Todd. She had been at one of his rugby matches earlier that week but ended up leaving before being introduced. In hindsight, Em should have known something was up because of the way Clara made such a big deal about this meeting and fussed over her outfit

“You can’t wear jeans and t-shirt!” she complained, digging though her friend’s wardrobe as Em just huffed a breath and laid back in bed.

“Why not? I’m meeting your boyfriend. What I’m wearing doesn’t matter.”

She had just baked and decorated 150 cupcakes for a children's birthday party. She was exhausted and the last thing she wanted to do was going out, but Clara invoked the best friend rule, so Em was stuck.

“What if there’s a cute guy there?” Clara asked, coming out with a tight, black dress that Em hadn’t worn in 3 years and it definitely wouldn’t fit her now since she gained more than a couple of pounds. She really needed to do some spring cleaning in that closet.

“If a cute guy is hanging in a sport’s bar, big chances he’s a douche, and I already filled my douche quota for the year,” she replied as Clara dove back into the closet. “Besides, I don’t have time for relationships.”

And Em really didn’t. She has just invested all her savings in opening her dream bakery. No way she would be getting distracted by guys while she was trying to get her business off the ground.

“There’s always time for relationships!” Clara declared, coming out of the closet, this time holding one of Em’s favorite sweater dresses. “You never know when true love is gonna knock on your door.”

“Tell it to come by later,” she joked, grabbing the dress and walking into the bathroom to change. It would be a lost cause to argue with Clara. Her friend was a lawyer and could talk her ear off, so Em might as well just get this over with.

She put on the dress and the heels and the makeup Clara pushed her way before she was finally deemed worthy of stepping out of the flat for the bar. At arrival, they found Todd already in his third beer and accompanied by his friend Henry.

Todd and Clara played innocent, pretending to be surprised that the other decided to bring a friend too but Em knew right away this was an ambush. And if Henry’s eye roll was anything to go by, he knew it too. It was their friends' not so subtle attempt to set them up.

Em had to give it to Clara though, Henry was a handsome man but maybe too handsome. She was a run of the mill kind of girl. Not unattractive, mind you. She did pretty well dating wise, especially when she put an effort like tonight, but never with guys that looked like Henry.

He was all dark, curly hair, blue eyes with just a tiny fleck of brown. Perfect features and the kind of chiseled physique that his hoodie didn’t manage to hide completely. He also looked kind of familiar, but Em couldn’t place him right away in her memory.

As they talked, she kept staring at him with a thoughtful frown, trying to come up with subtle questions that could enlighten her of where she knew Henry from because the longer Em talker to him, and she couldn’t help but notice that Todd and Clara kept finding excuses to leave the table so she and Henry could be alone, stronger that familiarity became.

“So how did you meet Todd again?” Em asked, sipping on her drink, which was too sweet but she didn’t mind.

“We went to school together and still play rugby from time to time,” Henry replied, cradling his pint of Guinness. He had shifted on the booth so his back was to the corner and he could properly look at Em. “How about you and Clara?”

“We grew up together. Neighbors all our lives,” she replied, popping a chip in her mouth. “Clara dragged me to one of Todd’s matches on Sunday. Did I see you there?”

“Umm, no.” Henry smiled indulgently. “Just got back yesterday. I was out of town for work.”

She only hummed in response, trying to think back on anything that could have put her and Henry in the same place and explain this feeling of familiarity.

“The Tudors.”

“What?” She asked in confusion at Henry’s random comment.

“You’re trying to figure out from where you know me,” he pointed out with a smirk and Em felt her cheeks heating up. “I mean, I did some other stuff too, a couple of very bad horror movies but that was my biggest role, so you might know me from there.”

It was like a lightbulb finally switched in her brain and she finally managed to place him in her memory.

“Oh my God, you did that weird-ass movie with the nazi vampire zombie! The one with Fassbender and the guy from Prison Break.” Em exclaimed a little too loudly, but Henry only chuckled. “That movie was terrible.”

“Yes,” he nodded, ducking his head a little, and was that a blush? “And seriously? That’s where you know me from?”

“I like crappy horror movies, ok?” Em shrugged with a grin.

“Clearly.” Henry laughed too.

And just like that, conversation flowed easily between them. Henry was a fun guy, surprisingly dorky, and a huge geek for videogames and the fantasy genre. It was nice to talk to someone that seemed to appreciate Lord of the Rings as much as Em did and she didn’t even notice when Todd and Clara slipped out without a word, obviously thinking their job was done.

Maybe if Henry was someone else, not an actor or that hot, they could have been right but as it was, Em didn’t see things going beyond a cool friendship.

That was what she thought at least until Henry walked her home, like a perfect gentleman, making her laugh with so many stupid jokes her sides were aching and she felt like she hadn’t smiled this much in days.

“You didn’t need to walk me all the way to my door,” She commented, turning to face him, her back leaning against the frame. Even in her heels, she needed to tilt her head up to look at him.

“You’re kidding me, right?” Henry snorted. “You can barely stand on those.”

He wasn’t wrong, but it was more because her feet were sore from the constricted space than from the amount of alcohol she consumed, though that definitely played a factor on Em turning her head just when Henry leaned closer to lay a goodbye kiss on her cheek, making his lips land on hers instead.

They just stared at each other until Henry closed the distance again, his mouth returning to hers for a harder, much hotter kiss that had Em pressed against the door. His hands found their way under the hem of her dress; hers to his hair, pulling him even closer, desperation clawing inside her gut because it had been a while for her.

That was only the first of the one-night stands with Henry. Back then, Em thought it would be the only one, but as years passed, whenever the two of them found themselves single and in need of release, they would get together, no strings attached, no commitment, just a purely physical thing that none of their mutual friends knew about.

Her attention snapped back to the present when Henry tugged on her hair until she let his cock out of her mouth with a pop, crawling on top of him to meet his lips for a messy kiss.

“Where did you go just now?” he asked, panting. His hands working on the buttons of her jeans to push them off. “Your mind was so far away.”

Strangely enough, this casual affair they shared made her friendship with Henry stronger because once you’ve seen a person naked and on one of their most vulnerable moments, it could be so easy to open up to them.

“Just thinking about when we met,” Em replied, sucking on his lower lip and Henry let out a weird wheezing sound that it was half a groan, half a laugh.

“That’s was a good night,” he said, rolling them until Em was lying on her back and he was on top of her. His blue eyes, despite being clouded by lust, were still so intense and seemed to be able to look straight into her soul. “But I want you here, in the present with me.”

Henry met her lips so softly and with so much affection that her breath caught in her throat, hand tightening on the sheets beneath her as his mouth descended over her body, kissing and sucking and biting. Lingering over all her pleasure spots and lavishing them with attention.

This was why Em needed to put an end to this thing with Henry. Lately, every time the two of them ended in bed together, it was getting harder and harder to keep the doors closed against the growing feelings in her heart.

To keep herself from not letting the love she felt for her friend Henry to be contaminated by the lust that ignited in her body whenever the two of them fucked, turning this into something else that would definitely end with her heart broken.

“I can hear you thinking,” Henry chided, biting her lower belly and making Em jolt and giggle.

“Sorry, sorry,” she looked down at him with a smile. “Just too much in my head tonight.”

“Let’s see if I can make you relax.”

He smirked at her, his mouth moving lower, planting soft kisses over your hipbones, tongue tracing the waistline on her panties, and anticipation started building in her center. Em wanted to press your legs together to find some kind of friction, but Henry was kneeling between them, his strong hands keeping them open; thumbs rubbing circles on the sensitive inner skin of her thighs and she couldn’t focus on anything else even if she wanted to.

His mouth finally moved lower, tongue teasing her folds through the lace of her panties and she gasped and tried to thrust up but Henry kept her down before hooking his fingers on her panties and pulling them down, exposing her wet cunt to his warm breath and she shivered in expectation.

Henry seemed to be keen on driving her crazy because he was taking it so very slow, kissing and nipping her mound on his way down until finally, his tongue flickered against her clit. Only the briefest of touch but it was enough to make Em buck and moan, her hands coming to his hair and fingers digging in his scalp.

“Stop teasing,” she asked, making Henry chuckle against her and a groan ripped from Em’s throat at the sweet vibrations. “Hen… please.”

“That’s better,” he replied, rewarding her with a broad stroke of his tongue over her slit before he sucked hard on her clit. Her eyes rolled back and she raised her hips to try to get more of it.

Fortunately, Henry seemed to be done teasing because he moved things along, licking and sucking and even nipping very, very gently on her clit, while two of his thick fingers moved in and out of her drenched slit. Every outer motion he crooked his fingers up, hitting right in that spot to make Em see stars.

It was easy to get lost in sensations whenever she was with Henry. He knew her body like the back of his hand and made sure to keep her completely engaged. He kept his eyes on her face, reading her expressions to make sure she was enjoying herself but also because he knew Em loved the sight of him like this, his mouth on her cunt, his eyes dark with his desire for her.

He also made sure to hum and grunt for her, so she could hear how much he loved her taste and smell. Whenever his mouth wasn’t busy, he would also whisper the filthiest things in her ear, because he knew it turned her on.

His free hand roamed her body, touching and kneading her breasts, pinching the nipples to make Em arch and mewl, sending bolts of pleasure that seemed to gather on her core, coiling into a knot of ecstasy that made her writhe and shake. Her body tense with arousal, toes curling and thighs quivering as her orgasm approached like a rushing wave.

Henry also knew exactly when she was close to the edge. Em never needed to let him know and he would always redouble his effort, suck her clit harder, finger her faster, until that knot finally snapped and she arched against his mouth, her release soaking his fingers and chin.

Her body felt weightless like she was floating. Her muscles spasmed with the aftershocks of her pleasure and her mind, always running, was for once pleasantly blank as Em grinned wide, enjoying her high.

She barely noticed when Henry pressed one final kiss to her clit before he crawled on top of her again, meeting her lips and letting Em taste herself. It was one of the things that turned him on, to have her lick her juices from his mouth and chin, letting her tongue running over the rough skin of his stubbled jaw, chasing every last drop and Em felt his cock twitching in response against her hip.

“Fuck me, Hen,” she gasped against his cheek before her lips moved to his ear, nipping the lobe to make him groan. “I wanna feel you deep inside me.”

With her brain still swimming in endorphins, She barely noticed Henry getting up and moving to the bathroom. She only registered the curse he let out as he came back to the room with an empty box.

“Do you have some?”

She gave Henry a look, propped in her elbows. Em was a little too old to go around with condoms in her purse. She kept them on her toiletry bag which was in her suitcase, still at the airport.

“Shit! I really wanted to fuck you tonight.” He dropped the box on the ground, combing his fingers through his hair before climbing on top of Em, his kiss searing and stealing her breath away.

She moaned against his mouth, fingers digging on his shoulders. It had been a while for her and Em shared Henry’s frustration. She wanted to feel him inside her, filling and stretching her in that perfect way only Henry could do.

“Do it,” she declared, meeting his confused gaze. “It’s fine, I have an IUD and it’s not like I’ve been with anyone else in the last four months.”

“Me either,” Henry replied, his forehead resting against hers. “You’re sure?”

“Yeah.” She nodded, smirking at him. “Fuck me, Henners.” He groaned and glared, making her chuckle. He hated the nickname and Em knew it.

“I’m gonna make you regret that.”

He flashed her a mischievous smirk, reaching between the two of them to guide his cock to her slit, pushing inside in one rough stroke and Em cursed and clawed at his back, the sudden intrusion with just that edge of pain made her clench tighter against him and Henry grunted against her ear, pulling her legs around his waist.

“Fuck, Henry!” she hissed breathlessly, slapping his shoulder blade, which felt more like hitting a brick wall. “A little warning would be nice.”

“You love it,” he smirked down at her and nipped at her bottom lip before grinding his hips against hers, making Em moan. “No point in pretending otherwise.”

His movements started slow and deliberate. Henry’s goal was to drive her crazy all over again because he loved to see Em lose control and he loved to gloat over the fact that he was the only guy that ever managed to make her cum more than once on the same night.

Taking her hands in his and pinning above her head, Henry started to add some more strength to his movements, pulling almost all the way out before slamming back in, making Em mewl at how deep he was going.  His mouth on her neck, and collarbone returning to the task of marking her as his, even if the two of them weren’t like that.

Her hips raised as best as she could to meet his movements and welcome him in. Her walls clenching tight as if refusing to let him go and every time, it made Henry grunt and suck harder on her skin before he soothed the spot with his tongue. She arched closer, seeking more as he licked a path from the hollow of her throat to her chin, lapping at the sweat gathering in her skin before his lips met hers again.

Soon, all Em knew was the way their bodies moved in tandem, meeting each other in search of pleasure. Henry praised and whispered dirty things in her ear, while her fingers entwined with his and her heels dug on the small of his back, urging him to move faster, harder, give her everything she craved for.

The knot of pleasure started to form in her core once again, growing and expanding as she could feel every single ridge of Henry’s thick cock filling her up, his pelvic bone slapping her clit at each thrust. She knew he was close too, his motions losing its controlled rhythm, becoming wilder, messy. His grunts turning throatier, his words filthier.

“God, I love your cunt. The way it squeezes me so tight,” he mumbled against Em’s mouth, his breath coming in short pants. “It feels even better without that fucking latex. Shit! I wanna fill you up with my cum. Do you want that? Can I cum inside you?”

“Yeah.” Em nodded, too far gone to form a reply more elaborate than that.

“I wanna see it trickling down your pussy.” Henry’s grin was absolutely filthy and she cried out as his words brought forth her second orgasm of the night.

“Oh fuck, yes!” He grunted his grin widening, his hips snapping harder against hers, dragging out the ripples of pleasure shaking her body. “Just like that! Yeah. Fuck! I’m gonna…”

His words hung in the air as Henry stilled above her, muffling his growl against her shoulder as he spilled inside her and she could feel his cock pulsing against her quivering walls and Em never felt more complete before.

In the back of her mind, a treacherous thought broke free and she couldn’t help but think that she could definitely get used to this. Having Henry every night, without barriers, without anything in the way. Just the two of them. Like it was meant to be.

x(tbc)x     Chapter 02

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[uwuowotf2waslife]

Mercs reaction to coming back from a long away mission and finding out s/o had been cuddling into his left behind shirts/blankets bc it smelled like him and they missed him so much it was the only way they could sleep?

this isnt a headcanon, this is a canon if i ever saw one

Scout: my boy always gets extra exhausted after a mission, so he just gets into his& S/Os room and plops in the bed without looking,probably still in his work clothes. At some pointin the night, he will wake up to use the loo. Returning he sits down and feels something funny under his butt, it isnt soft like a bedsheet and it feels somewhat familiar. He scoops it up and inspects it..it feels excactly like one of his shirts...now,maybe...he searches with his hands a bit more and he feels more of his clothes like a blanket around you. His heart has officialy melted and he needs to contain himself from jumping onto you and hugging the light out of you.He will spoon you and kiss your shoulder, prepare to be drown in kisses and affection, he wont stop untill your or his bladder is about to burst

Soldier: he might be the messiest but he always cleans after finising a mission. After he has done a shower and scrub all that mud and blood from him , he puts a nice pair of pyjamas trousers and hes about to hit the bed when he releases you are on his bed- thats fine you have been together for a while and lowkey he loves to sleep next to you, your heartbeat lulls him-but you are holding onto something. He turns the light in the hallway and opens the door slighlty so he can look but it wont wake you. Its his jacket, the red one he ussualy wears to battle...congratulations, you are now his waifu material. He closes the light and carefully slips on the bed next to you, softly he pulls the jacket off you and snuggle you, he even gives you soft forehead kisses.

Pyro: they never take off their suit, only for bathing and they are sure to always have at least 2 spares in case something happens to the one their wearing.Their suits inside smells like hell, but they change it once the smell gets too much and bathe everyday with special soaps and make sure they wash their suits once everyday other day.So the one time they cant find their spare, they are having a mild panic attack. They are running up and down the base, trying to find it; it cant be gone, when they left for the mission they made sure they had a spare in their closet.They are about to hold Scout on gunpoint to confess but they have an idea, they havent looked at S/Os room. They drop Scoutand go to S/Os room...they see them all cuddled up with their spare...theyknow they should be angry, but they can’t. Their suit is like their skin,and seeing you cuddling it, it makes them sniffle a little. You missed them so much, you took one of their spares and risked to be burned to a crisp by them if they had a bad mindset that day just to be with them.They lock the door behind them and pull of their suit - something they do when you are alone- and gently rock you awake. You smile at them and pull them to lie with you on the bed and they oblige. Que soft make out with they rub circles on your arms and hands.

Engie: its very rare for him to go for missions, but when it happens it happens he guesses. He isnt that exhausted but his back hurts from being crouched all day so some lying down would do him some good. He opens his rooms doo and he yeets the goggles out of his eyes- you aresleeping on his bed wearning his flanel shirt and holding one of his shirts in your chest.He curses himself for not having a polaroid but damn hun, how can you be so damn cute? He undresses as fast and quiet he cans and softly scoots you over a bitso he can cuddle you...he has a funny idea and pulls one of the bundle of the shirts over him. He basically makes himself a lump covered with shirt and trousers. He pinches you so you wake up, look around mumble something and pulling the shirt lump closer you..but wait why is it heavy and why is it warm...you pull your face closer to look at it better and suddently two strong pair of arms come and hold you. You scream and almost jump off the bed but he keeps you there and peppers your face with suprose and swrry kisses.

Demo: after every succesfull mission, its a known fact that Demo gets plastered. So either Heavy or Soldier will yeet him on his bed because they want the sofa for themselves to watch a movie. S/O of course wakes up and holds him in a position where he is least likely to vomit or drool. During his sleep, they get more and more tangled together. He wakes up by a throbbing headacke and try to block the sun with the first thing his hand finds. You stir next to him and bring him some water and painkillers. He glups it down without even openinghis eyes and pulls you down for some more cuddles. Once the painkillers kick in he opens his eye and realises his been using his own shirt asa blindfold, so he throws it away and suprise, he is lying on and is tangled by his own clothes...was he that plastered? but you jus tsaid Heavy yeeted him here, so that means..aww you sweet lil bunny, he is pulling you in for a tight hug and gives you a soft kiss.

Heavy: he isnt that tired, but after so many hours in an airplane his legs hurt so much and no matter of stretches will help. He really needs to lie down. He knocks on the door and waits for a respond, you just mumble a ‘come in’ so he opens the door and steps inside. His heart explodes right here and there. You are the cutest thing he has ever seen in his entire life, all wrapped up in his sweater. He pulls you up and swings a bit, holding you against his chest, You mished old Misha so much you wore his clothes to sleep? Well, now ,from now youll sleep on Mishas chest to never miss him again.

Medic: he is about to collapse,so he does the only logical thing that comes to mind; wash his hands, take off his shoes and pass ou thappily oh his bed with his S/O by his side. He gets all comfy and hes about to spoon when he feels something different on  his S/O, that weirdly feels like one of his medical robes. He has a smug smirk on his face but he is way too tired to do anything silly so he rubs your shoulder and pulls you for a cuddle. You wake up and feel Medic sprawled on the bed next to you-hes a huge  blankethog-so you give him a small kiss and snuggle a bit closer only for him to pounce and get you under him. “ You missed me so much schwatz, now you can wear me too” he gives you small kisses on both the head and the nose.

Sniper: he is no stranger to missions, he always liked extra work- keeps his mind sharp and his aim even sharper, but hed be a liarif he said he didnt miss you...perhaps way more than you think. He even semi-jogs his way to his S/O room, because his heart is pounding so hard he feels its gonna pop out of his chest. His mind is full of insecurities, why the lights are closed, why you arent on the common room? maybe you gotbored of him, maybe you found...the trail of thought chokes him so much he doesnt see you on the bed...but holly molly, he takes of his glasses and desperately tries to find his polaroid in his bag and snap a few pics of you. You are his angel, so pure and wrapped in his trusted rugged flannel shirt. Once hes satisfied he pets your hair and rubs your cheek untill you wake up. Then he lies on top of you and gives you lots of kisses and soft nothings. You kiss him back and just drown in his affection.

Spy: its not uncommon for him to leave for missions here and there, more than the other mercs. He isnt that tired,but he needs a bit of a lying down after a long flight and barely enough nicotine to keep him sane. He leaves the dufflebag on one of his couch in his smoking room and gets in the shower. He wonders where you are, but figures maybe you have some work or you are out for errands or something. Once his done, he puts a new balaclava and hes about to go for a nice nap when he notices you sprawled up with one of his work suits snuggled on your chest. Call him soft, call him an old romantic dilf, but this dilf smiles from ear to ear. You missed him so much, you slept with his suit...he means that much to you? he really wants to wake you up with kisses but he decides to just light a cigarrete and absorb the view. Once hes done, he lies next to you and pulls the shirt away from you, and just wraps his limbs around you and lets you snuggle on his chest. You mumble his name and then just snuggle tighter, yeap his heart has shattered. He gives you a soft kiss on the crown of the headand mumbles some apologises.Please hold him, he is having a small breakdown.

[sassyduckqueen]

Miraculous: Rise of Anatis 41

Sup my peeps. I hope you all had a good xmas and enjoyed your boxing day. I had a good one which is nice. Anyway, here's Chameleon. I hope you guys enjoy it :D

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Chapter Forty-One: Chameleon

Marinette ran as fast as she could to school as she held a croissant in her mouth. After another late night akuma, she had missed her third alarm and was running late for school. She rushed up the stairs and through the door, just as Fred was about to close it. Calling out an apology, she ran up the stairs as fast as she could before stopping in front of the classroom door. Taking a deep breathe, she opened it and walked in. Almost instantly, she stopped and blinked. Everyone had swapped seats. Alya was now sat next to Nino, Ivan was sat next to Mylene and Nath had moved next to Alix. Sabrina and Chloe were in the same place as were Juleka and Rose but the only empty seats were at the front next to Adrien and at the back. Marinette frowned a little as she had a feeling Alya had got people to move so she could sit next to Adrien but since finding out that Adrien and Kagami were actually a couple, she had really began to move on. She had already began to take down the pictures she had off him but over the last few weeks, she had been removing more and more of Adrien from her life. It was a slow process but gradually, sunshine yellow was been removed from her life and sea blue was finding it's way into her heart. Not that she was quite ready to admit that. Sure, she knew she definitely liked Luka but a small part of her heart was still in love with Adrien. Not just that but she didn't want to use Luka as a rebound. He deserved better then that. Holding back a sigh, she moved over to Alya and cleared her throat.

 "Hey, girl, you made it just in time," Alya grinned, causing her to smile a little.

 "Cool but what's going on?" She asked, making Alya frown a little. Marinette just thought she was insulted at the fact that she wasn't groveling at her feet. "Not that I'm not grateful for you trying to get me a seat next to Adrien but I was fine where I was,"

 "What are you talking about?" Alya asked, clearly confused before shaking her head. "Your seat's not next to Adrien. You're seats over there,"

 Marinette turned to look in the direction that Alya glanced to and frowned as she realized moved to the back. Without been told. She decided to play along as maybe they had a really good reason to put her there. After all, it wasn't a bad place to be. It meant that she could doodle without Miss Bustier noticing and send sneaky texts to Luka without been caught but somehow, she got a feeling that wasn't why Alya had done that.

 "At the back?" She questioned, acting confused. "Why? What's going on?"

 "Well, since she's got a hearing issue, there's no way that she could sit at the back of the class right? Which means she needed a place up at the front ," Nino piped in, confusing Marinette. Just who were they talking about?

 "So to make it work, Ivan sat next to Mylene, Nath sat next to Alix," Alya explained, causing Marinette to look around. Ivan was talking to Mylene and Alix was chatting to Nath. Marinette frowned a little before looking back at Alya. "Besides, she came up with the idea of moving Nino here so now we get to spend more time together,"

 "Right... but who are you talking about?" Marinette asked as Miss Bustier came in.

 "Good morning, students," She smiled, facing them. "I'm sure you've all heard right now but Lila is back from her medical leave and has returned to class,"

Marinette felt her heart drop and her blood turn to ice as Lila walked into the room. Fear gripped her and she felt like she was going to burst into tears as she stared at the girl. Lila lifted her hand and waved as she wore a false smile.

 "Hi everyone," She smiled before noticing the empty seat at the front as everyone greeted her. She gasped in pretend surprise and clutched her cheeks. "Oh, a seat in the front row! You all remembered my hearing issue. You're such sweethearts all of you,"

 She blew kisses at them in an over dramatic way, causing Marinette to feel disgusted. She knew Alya was convinced that Lila had changed her ways but Marinette knew she hadn't. She frowned deeply as she took a seat next to Adrien, who looked like he wanted to run away. She didn't blame him and there was no way she was going to let that gremlin walk all over her again. Reminding herself that she was the one and only Lady Noir, she took a deep breathe and pushed her fear away.

 "You have hearing issues, Lila?" Marinette asked in a serious tone, causing almost everyone to look at her. Since no one was looking at her, Lila narrowed her eyes.

 "Yes, I suffer from Tinnitus. A constant ringing in my left ear," She stated as Marinette cross her arms. "I've had it ever since the sound of an airplane engine burst my eardrum on the runaway when I was saving Jagged Stone's lost kitten,"

 "Jagged doesn't have a kitten," Marinette gritted as she rolled her eyes. "He has a pet crocodile,"

 "Now he does but this was before then," Lila corrected as everyone looked at her. "Of course, he had to get rid of it before he found he was allergic. The best part is since you're such an excellent student, Adrien, you'll be able to help me catch up... right?"

 She lightly traced her finger up his forearm, making him feel uncomfortable before he took a deep breathe and pushed her hand away.

 "No, I won't be able to do that, Lila," He stated, surprising her. "And would you please not touch me? I don't like it,"

 "Oh, my gosh... I am so sorry," She gasped but both Adrien and Marinette knew it was a fake apology. Not just that but her eyes were full of anger. "I didn't realize it was an issue,"

 "Speaking of issues," Marinette muttered under her breathe. "Miss Bustier, why do I have to sit at the back?"

 "Marinette, you agreed to do so," Miss Bustier stated as everyone nodded but Marinette frowned deeply.

 "No, I didn't," She stated, surprising everyone. "In fact, I had no idea this was a thing until I literally walked in here this morning,"

 "You didn't tell her?!" Ivan gasped, looking at Alya who gulped. 

 "Well... I figured she wouldn't mind..." She muttered, making a number of people gasp in horror, including Adrien, Juleka and Miss Bustier. 

 "Alya, while I understand that you were trying to help out a friend in need, you can't just assume that other people would be ok with sitting in the back without asking them first," She stated, shaking her head. Alya went to argue but Alix beat her to it.

 "Yeah! You told us Mari was cool with it and knew about it, which clearly she didn't," She stated before turning to Marinette. "I'm sorry, Mari. I had no idea she didn't tell you,"

 "It's fine, Alix," She stated before crossing her arms and glaring at Alya and Lila. "But since you moved everyone around to 'accommodate' Lila, I assume she has a doctor's note as proof of her disability,"

 "Actually, I don't need a doctor's note as it states in my student-"

 "Lila, don't lie," Marinette stated, cutting her off with an icy glare. "The rules state that you need a real doctor's note as proof so accommodations can be provided and since you haven't been here for over a month, any doctor note you have in your school file would be invalid as you would need a new, up to date one. Also, I've seen in your student file and there is nothing on any of your 'disabilities'... and before you ask, it's part of my job as class representative to make sure files are up to date. Another thing, as class representative, I have to approve any change to the seating plan and since I didn't, you can all move back to your original seats. Lila, I'm afraid that means you will be in the back until you provide an up to date doctor's note, detailing your disabilities,"

 "Oh, come on, Marinette," Alya gasped. "That's not fair. Miss Bustier, can't you overthrow Marinette's decision?"

 Marinette looked at Miss Bustier, who looked a little conflicted before she glanced over at Chloe. She took a deep breathe and shook her head.

 "No, Marinette is absolutely in the right here," She stated, turning to look at Lila. "Lila, we'll be happy to accommodate you as soon as you have proof of your disabilities... until then, you're to sit in the back. Everyone else, please return to your original seating plan. Alya, I highly recommend you include all of your class mates when you come up with a plan like this. I know you can get carried away but you unintentionally banished Marinette to the back without her consent and lied to your classmates about that. If you continue with this behavior, I'll have no choice but to give you a detention. Since this seems to be an isolated incident, I'm just giving you a warning but this is your only warning,"

 "But Miss Bustier-"

"Alya, that's enough!" Miss Bustier shouted, shocking everyone even Marinette... but she couldn't deny she was happy. Apparently, Anatis really had gotten through to her. Alya went quiet and sulked as everyone moved to their original seats. Marinette sat next to her and took out her books as Lila moved pass her. She didn't miss the nasty glare she gave her but this time, Marinette felt more confident. She was not going to go down like before. Miss Bustier began her lesson as Marinette began to take notes. Alya slid her a note, making Marinette frown as she carefully unfolded it.

 What the hell, Marinette? I thought you were all for helping people.

 Marinette let out a little sigh but wrote back.

 I am but not when they aren't truthful. If Lila really does have Tinnitus then she needs proof like everyone else. You should know this given that it's in the class representative handbook, which you should have read given that you're my  deputy

 She slid back over to her and continued taking notes until Alya send her over another.

 Can't you just give her the benefit of a doubt? She's got a disability

 Marinette frowned deeply as she wrote back.

 No, I can't. In case, you've forgotten.... she is a liar and two, even if her disability is real, she still needs proof of it which she had not provided. I will revise the seating plan when she provides proof and if she really does have it then it won't be a problem getting proof of it. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to actually learnt something

 She slid the note back and shook her head at Alya's insulted gasp before continuing with her notes. Time past and soon it was lunchtime. As soon as the bell rang, Marinette jumped up and rushed outside. She was absolutely famished as she had only a croissant for breakfast. She headed into the locker room and put her books away, giving Plagg a slice of cheese as she did before she closed her locker and walked over to the canteen. By the time, she got there, Lila was getting a number of people to get food for her including Alya and Nino. Marinette wanted to shout at her but she took a deep breathe and walked over to the food counter, getting her dinner. 

 "You should try the cheesecake," Luka's voice instantly calmed her down, making her look up and smile as he moved next to her. "So Lila is back I see..."

 "Oh, you don't sound happy about that," She muttered as she reached for the cheesecake he recommended as he placed a macaron on his plate. "Got a sweet craving, Lu?"

 "Maybe," He grinned before glancing at Lila. "I don't like her... her music's all wrong and Anatis hasn't had pleasant things to say... oh god, she's looking at me..."

 He quickly looked away before grabbing Marinette's arm and rushing over to their usual table. They sat down and began to eat as Lila got up and made her way to the table, standing next to Luka and completely blanking Marinette, much to their annoyance. 

 "Hi, I'm Lila," She stated in her shrilled, fake voice. "I haven't seen you here before. Are you new?"

 "I guess," He stated, colder then usual. Not that Lila noticed or if she did, she didn't care.

 "Oh, my gosh. Me too!" She gasped, moving onto the new chair and leaning against him while fluttering her eyelashes at him. Marinette wanted to say something as Luka looked somewhere between uncomfortable and murderous. Again, Lila didn't seem to notice. "Let's be friends,"

 Luka, however, got up and moved to the chair next to Marinette, causing Lila to fall before she caught herself. 

 "No, thank you," He replied, sitting back down. However, Lila wasn't taking no for an answer. She got back up and sat next to him again, grabbing his arm as Marinette gripped her hand into a fist. Luka frowned deeply and tried to pull his arm from her but she dug her nails into him. He winced in pain but glared at her. "Let go,"

 "I just want to be friends," She smirked, leaning against him as she tightened her grip, thinking it would cause him to shut up like it did with Adrien. However, Luka was not Adrien.

 "I said let go!" He shouted a little louder then expected as he yanked his arm free from her, causing a number of people to look over as he took off his hoodie and checked his arm. Marinette let out a gasp as she saw the deep nail marks in his arm. They were deep enough to actually make him bleed a little. Lila was looking at him in surprise as he put his hoodie back on and moved again. Lila got up and went to sit next to him again but Juleka quickly took the seat and shot her a glare as Luka looked at her annoyed. "Seriously? Go sit somewhere else?!"

 "W-Why are you been so mean to me?" She asks, fake tears appearing in her eyes as she stood in front of him. "I just want to be your friend,"

 "Well, I'm not interested in been friends with a liar," He spat back as Alya and Nino walked in. Lila blinked in surprise. She hadn't expected him to know but then she remembered that Anatis had exposed her to all of Paris.  Still, she could spin it to make her look innocent.

 "Liar?" She gasped, fake tears in her eyes. "But I'm not a liar... Marinette told you that, didn't she? She's always had it-"

 "Cut the crap, Rossi," He stated, shocking everyone including Lila and Marinette. She had never seen Luka like this before. "I saw the video on the Ladyblog and I know how to recognize a fake. I'm not interested in been your friend, I don't want you near me and if you ever lean against me or touch me without my permission again, I'll sue you for sexual harassment!"

 The color drained out of her face as she realized he was been perfectly serious and a number of people was kind of glaring at her. She needed to spin this around. She began to cry, making a number of people look at her with sympathy.

 "I-I'm sorry... I didn't realize I was making you uncomfortable," She gasped, fake tears in her eyes. Luka went to say something but Juleka beat him to it.

 "I'm pretty certain him trying to shake you off, telling you to let go and moving shows that he was uncomfortable," She mumbled, making Lila look at her with surprise as Alya stormed over with Nino, having missed what Juleka had said. She had only heard Luka threatening to sue Lila.

 "What the hell, Couffaine?!" Alya gasped, glaring at Luka. "I thought you were cool but Lila was just trying to make friends!"

 "That's as accurate as saying I'm the king of England," He stated, coolly. Marinette wanted to giggle but she noticed the look on Lila's face. She looked smug and Marinette knew she was gonna get the blame.

 "Oh, don't blame him, Alya," She gasped, wiping her 'tears'. "He's obviously been poisoned by what Marinette has said about me, just like Anatis.... Wasn't she the first person to meet him?"

 "Yeah, she was," Alya agreed, making everyone frown as Lila sniffed.

 "No wonder why he thinks I'm a liar. She must have told him all kinds of lies about me after he deakumatized her..." She cried, making most people gasp in surprise and glare at Marinette. "That's why he claimed I was lying on that video and responsible for two akumas. She's obviously convinced him and this boy that I'm a horrible person!"

 "Oh, Lila, that isn't true," Alya gasped as Lila 'cried' on her. "You're a wonderful person,"

 "I know I'm not perfect but I've been trying to be a better person!" She gasped, hiding her face. Luka gripped his drink as people lapped up her lies. "I've been going to therapy for my own akumatization. Oh, Marinette, why did you tell Anatis I was a bully?! If you had been honest, he wouldn't have had a go at me and caused me to become an akuma!"

 "You did what?!" Alya gasped, glaring at her.

 "What?!" Marinette gasped, jumping up. "All I told him was the truth!"

 "I've only tried to be your friend, Marinette," She sniffed, causing Luka to stand up and try to argue for her. Unfortunately, very few people believed him because of the way Lila had spun it. Alya started to berate him for been on the side of the bully as he argued that she was the one standing up for the bully. Seeing her friends argue again, Marinette rushed out and locked herself in the bathroom as she began to cry. She really thought things had gotten better but Lila hadn't even been back for one day and she had already turned her friends against her. She flinched as she heard the bathroom door open, causing her to look up as Lila walked over to her.

 "Oh my god, are you crying?" She gasped in her fake voice, making Marinette frown and flinch. What is she up to? "You are, aren't you? You know it's really not worth fighting over a boy,"

 "What do you want, Lila?" Marinette asked, glaring at her. Lila pretended to look shocked before dropping her act almost instantly as she leaned against the sink. Her whole body language changed to the Lila that Marinette was unfortunately familiar.

 "Just to remind you who's boss, Marinette," She stated before facing her. "Do you remember the last time we were in here?"

 "You threatened me,"

 "Oh so you do remember?" Lila gasped, holding her hands together before stepping forward, causing Marinette to step back. "Then as you'll recall, I told you that if you decided to go against me, I'd take away all of your friends... well, I'm still gonna keep good on that,"

 She slammed her hand against the wall by Marinette to flinch.

 "And your new boyfriend will be the first one I start with," She grinned, making Marinette gasp. "By the time I'm finished, he won't be able to look you in the eye without been disgusted... oh and do you know what would make it so much better? If he fell in love with me... I mean who wouldn't but still that would be the icing on the cake. I mean he's no Adrien Agreste but he's cute in a rockstar kind of way. Definitely would make me look good if I had him on my arm,"

 "Don't you dare touch Luka!" Marinette growled, getting her fire back and surprising Lila. "You can threat me all you want but I will end you if you touch a single hair on his head!"

 She blinked as she stared at Marinette.

 "Oh my, you're in love with him, aren't you?" She smirked, making Marinette blush. "And here I thought you were still hung up over Adrien. Well, all the more reason to turn him against you or maybe I should turn everyone against him... oh, I know! I'll turn everyone against him and then turn him against you so he only had me left. Wouldn't that be grand? Of course, I'll leave him alone if you stop trying to expose me, tell everyone that you made up lies about me and be my friend,"

 "I will only ever be your friend when you stop lying and harassing people!" Marinette gasped, causing Lila to roll her eyes.

 "Marinette, we've been through this before," She smirked, making Marinette frown. "If you don't want to be my friend, fine. It's not a loss to me. After all, I've pretty much turned everyone against you already but if you don't become my friend, your little boyfriend won't have any friends left. I know you're less dumb then the others so I'm gonna give you another chance,"

 She slammed her hand against the wall right near Marinette's head.

 "You're either with me or against me. You don't answer right now. I'll give you to the end of today," She smiled sweetly before a dark expression came across her face. "And I really hope you make the right choice this time, Marinette. I'd hate for Luka to pay for your mistakes,"

 With that, she turned on her heel, leaving Marinette shaking as she slid down the wall. Tears slid down her face as she shook. She thought she could be strong enough to stand up to Lila but now if she continues, Luka will get caught in the crossfire. Lila will turn everyone against him then turn him against her and claim him as her own. She covered her face as she sobbed, unsure how to go forward. If she defies her, Luka will get hurt but if she doesn't, she'll be stuck in the same place she was before. There's no way Lila will leave her alone, even if she stops calling her out. Lila enjoys making her miserable after all. She carefully reached for her phone to text Luka but gasped as an akuma flew straight into it.

 "Princess Justice, we meet again," Hawkmoth smirked as she shook. "Ah, yes. It seems like Miss Rossi intends to make your friend's life hell if you don't do what she wants but I can give you the power to expose her again. Do we have a deal?"

 "I..." She gasped as tears rolled down her face. She wanted to give in but she couldn't. She couldn't do that to him. "N-no..."

 "No?" Hawkmoth asked, shocked. "But this girl is the voice of evil, I ca-"

 "Dollface, listen to me!" Plagg's voice suddenly interrupted Hawkmoth. "You are my best friend and you deserve better then this so resist it, please! You might be super clumsy but you always find a solution so you don't need that dumb butterfly!"

 "Y-You're right!" She gasped, feeling her resolve come back. "I am not a pushover! Lila has no real power over me! I am resourceful! I am confident! I am Marinette!"

 "Very well... but the power is there if you decided otherwise," Hawkmoth stated, surprising her. The akuma fluttered out of her phone and flew off, causing her to let out a breathe as Plagg flew over and hugged her.

 "Thank you, Plagg," She muttered, shaking as she got up. She shakily logged onto the akuma alert and put one up before turning to Plagg. However, before she could transform, the door opened again. Plagg quickly hid as Lila entered the bathroom again, making Marinette frown as she went to edge.

 "Oh, Marinette, I'm glad I caught you again," She stated, moving over. Marinette flinched and took a step back, making Lila frown. "Oh, no. I've gone too far. I'm so sorry, Marinette. I didn't mean to get so mean. I just want to be your friend,"

 "What?" Marinette gasped, taken back. Seeing her chance, Lila quickly kissed her cheek, causing the girl to collapse to the floor as she fell into a deep sleep. Lila morphed into her and smirked.

 "Oops, I lied but you already know that," She smirked, picking her up and dragging her into the locker room. She glanced around and smirked as she saw an open locker. She pushed her inside. "I saw a chance and took it but don't worry. I'm just gonna show everyone what you're really like,"

 She laughed as she closed the door before walking off. Plagg flew out of her purse and frowned as he looked at her.

 "Marinette?!" He gasped, trying to shake her head as she slept. "Wake up!"

 ~Meanwhile~

 Luka frowned as he looked for Marinette. He had noticed her slip away and then be followed by Lila. He tried to leave straight away but Alya got up in his face, causing him to yell at her to get out of his space. As soon as she did, he rushed off but he couldn't find Marinette. He frowned as he headed to the locker room, only for her to exit. He let out a sigh of relief.

 "Marinette, there you are," He called, causing her to look at him.

 "Oh, yes, here I am," She replied, acting a little off but he figured she had been crying. He asked her if she was ok and explained he had been looking for her. However, she suddenly grabbed his hands and smirked at him. "Aww, you're such a sweetheart, Luka. Hey, why don't we go to the bakery and I can give you something sweet as a reward,"

 "Um... you said you would help Juleka and Rose with the designs..." He mumbled, trying to pull his hands away from her. She was not acting like herself. "And you know I prefer to buy from the bakery. Artists need to support other artists,"

 "Oh, I'm sure my parents won't notice a couple of items going missing," She gasped, moving closer. "And it's not like Rose and Juleka are worth my time... not like how you are..."

 She leaned in to kiss him, causing him to push her back.

 "What the hell, Marinette?" He gasped, surprising her.

 "What? Do you want to kiss me?" She asked, surprising him as she traced her fingers over his arm. "I mean you like me right and I like you... so we should kiss..."

 "Not like this," He stated back, stepping back from her. "You're clearly not yourself right now. I don't know what's wrong but your music is off,"

 "My music?" She asked, confused but it was all he needed to fully realize the truth. This wasn't Marinette. He stepped back even more, making her look at him confused. "Luka, what's wrong?"

 "You're not Marinette," He stated, surprising her.

 "What do you mean?" She gasped, wondering how did he know. "Of course, I am-"

 "No, you're not," He gasped. "I don't know who you are but you are not her,"

 "Oh, such a clever boy... why don't I reward you with a kiss?" She smirked, trying to kiss him again but he managed to dodge her. She laughed before jumping up to the first floor and blowing a kiss at him. He ran up the stairs to chase after her but she jumped to the other side o landed in front of Alya and Nino, who were coming out of the canteen with the others. "Oh, Alya! I've been looking for you!"

 "Really, girl?" She asked, surprised as Luka rushed over.

 "Yes, I just wanted to tell you that you're a terrible reporter and you don't deserve Nino! In fact, we all know he only settled for you because he couldn't have me," She smirked, making Alya look at her in betrayal. "Rose, you're nothing more then a dumb blonde, Mylene and Ivan... you're both really fat... Oh, Nathaniel, I don't know how you got that comic book of yours published since you have zero talent... Juleka, you're so moody. How do you think you could possibly be a model when you have no expression and... well..."

 She looked her up and down.

 "Shouldn't you lost the baby fat?" She asked, making Juleka's eyes fill with tears. "And Nino, you don't deserve your cap!"

 She grabbed it and laughed, running off with it as Luka reached them. They all looked outrage as he caught his breathe.

 "Whatever she just said, don't listen," He gasped, making them look at him with surprise. "It isn't the real Marinette. I don't know who it is but-"

 His phone buzzed, causing him to look at it. The akuma alert app had showed one was active near by. He frowned deeply before his eyes widen. Marinette must have been akumatized. 

 "She's an akuma..." He muttered, causing everyone to mutter and gasp.

 "How can you be certain?!" Alya gasped, causing him to show her the phone. She read the alert and frowned as the others read it too.

 "She must have been akumatized after rushing off," Juleka mumbled, making everyone agree. "W-We need to hide. She might come back to do worst to us.."

 "Oh no!" Alya gasped, making them look at her. "She might go after Lila! We need to find her and warn her!"

 "We should split up," Luka suggested, seeing his chance. He had no intention of finding Lila but this gave him a chance to transform. "We can cover more ground that way,"

 "Good idea,"Adrien nodded before giving directions. Luka offered to check the locker room as he could get Tikki from his bag and go out of the window. He ran off as everyone else went to look for Lila and made his way to the locker room. He slipped inside and walked to his locker but heard the sounds of light snores as he walked past a section of lockers. He doubled back and noticed one was slightly ajar. He walked over and opened it, causing him to gasp as he found Marinette inside, asleep.

 "Marinette?!" He gasped, trying to wake her up but she snoozed on. He noticed her cheeks were stained with tears but overall, she didn't look hurt. Feeling a little relief as she wasn't hurt, he decided to head to his locker and get Tikki. She followed him over to Marinette and frowned as she checked her over. "Well?"

 "She seems to be in an enchanted sleep," She muttered, making him frown.

 "Is there any way you can wake her?"

 "I'm afraid not," She mumbled, making him frown. "Unless I use the cure but to do that-"

 "You have to summon a lucky charm," He muttered, frowning. "Could you do that?"

 "Sure, if you want a new planet," She stated, making him frown a little more. "Best thing we can do is transform and find the cause of this sleep,"

 "It has to be the Marinette I saw earlier," He muttered, making Tikki frown. "She looked just like Marinette but wasn't her. Not only was her behavior strange but she insulted her friends and didn't know what I meant when I said her music. Marinette, akumatized or not, would have known,"

 "So another Marinette was running around?"

 "Yes... but this impostor has to be an akuma," He muttered, swiping his earrings. "Tikki, spots on!"

 He transformed and opened his yoyo to see there had been any news reports. One showed a car crash and the other the Marinette imposer balanced on the Eiffel Tower. Luckily, no one had been hurt in the crash and the cure would fix things but he was still annoyed. He frowned and closed his yoyo before looking at Marinette. He couldn't just leave her in the locker. He gently moved her out of it and picked her up. She snuggled against him in her sleep, making him blush a little before he left the room and headed to the nurse's office, coming around Juleka and Rose as he did.

 "Juleka, Rose," He called, making them look over. Rose gasped as she saw him holding Marinette in her arms. He gestured to the nurse office's door, causing Juleka to rush over and open it for him, allowing him to move inside as the nurse gasped and jumped. "Sorry for the intrusion"

 He gently placed Marinette on the bed. She curled up and breathed in lightly as he placed a blanket over her. 

 "What's wrong with her?" Rose asked, making Juleka nod as he faced them.

 "She's in an enchanted sleep," He muttered, making them frown. "She was inside a locker that happened to look in when I was looking for an akuma. I got an alert one was active here so I came to investigate. Your brother told me that he had seen Marinette act odd when he ran into me so I'm guess the Marinette he saw was the akuma and had hidden the real one in a locker,"

 "That means the things she said wasn't really her!" Rose gasped, clearly happy. "I knew Marinette wasn't so mean!"

 "We better tell everyone so we can clear her name," Juleka muttered, making him frown. "Oh, that akuma Marinette insulted us and was really mean. She even stole Nino's hat but since you've found the real Marinette, we can clear her name... but you can wake her right?"

 "She should wake once the akuma is dealt with and the cure has been cast," He muttered, making them nod. "Can you look after her? I have to go after it,"

 "Of course, Anatis," Both girls grinned as he smiled before he nodded at the nurse and left the room. He headed to the Eiffel Tower where a crowd of people had gathered. He jumped up and landed on the edge as Akumanette was balancing on the edge and acting like a total idiot. It was clearly an act to lure him here but still he couldn't just let her or whoever it was fall. The akumanette was holding on to two Lady Noir balloons and laughing as she moved across before misplacing her footing. She screamed as she plummeted down to earth but Anatis threw his yoyo and swung up, catching her. He landed on the ground as everyone clapped.

 "Oh, my prince charming!" She gasped falsely. "You saved my life. How about a kiss?"

 "No, thanks," He muttered but she tried to kiss him anyway, causing him to shove her off and jump away from her. "I know you're not the real Marinette,"

 "Oh my, what a clever bug," She grinned, standing up. "You're right though. I'm not Marinette... I'm Chameleon! You're getting better at this, Anatis, which is a good thing. It will make this fight all the more interesting... so shall we dance, my handsome bug?"

 With that, she charged at him, trying to punching him. He dodged and kicked at her as they spun around. However, she was constantly trying to kiss him as well. He grabbed her arms and flipped her over his arms, pinning her down.

 "Where is your akuma?!" He growled, causing her to wrap her legs around him and throw him off her, surprising him with her strength. He looked up and frowned as she had disappeared. "Damn it,"

 "Anatis, is everything ok?" Nadja asked, holding up her mic. "Why were you fighting against a civilian?"

 "That's not a civilian," He frowned, dusting himself down. "She's an akuma calling herself Chameleon. It appears she has the ability to take on any form so please be careful,"

 "Of course, Anatis," Nadja nodded as he threw his yoyo and pulled himself up to the rooftops. He took out his yoyo and tried to call Lady Noir but she didn't answer. He sighed but put his yoyo away and continued looking. He jumped down to the Trocadéro Gardens as a woman looked for her kid but didn't see Marinette anywhere. He jumped across to a lamp post before looking around then hopping to another one. He frowned as he still didn't see her but she couldn't have gotten far.

 "Anatis!" A little boy called, making him look at him. "I saw the villain running over there!!"

 He pointed towards the carousel, causing Anatis to look over. He jumped down and took out his yoyo.

 "Thanks, kid but you better get somewhere safe. It's dangerous," He muttered, walking over with caution. "Chameleon, it's over! Show yourself!"

 He frowned as he looked around, not seeing her.

 "My Quentin!" A woman gasped, making him look to her. "You've found him, Anatis,"

 "Found him?" He asked, looking at her before turning around, just as the child dived towards him. His eyes widen in surprise as he realized that Chameleon was the child but before it could kiss him, he heard Lady Noir yelling before suddenly been pushed aside, causing Chameleon to kiss her instead. He rolled and looked up as Chameleon turned in Lady Noir while the real one fell to the ground, asleep. "Lady Noir?!"

 She went to take her ring but he threw his yoyo, stopping her from doing so as she faced him.

 "It looks it's down to the two of us, Anatis?" She smirked, using Lady Noir's voice. "Don't you think I make a purrfect kitten?!"

 "I prefer the real deal," He snarled back, causing her to laugh before throwing up her hair in the air and summoning Lady Noir's cataclysm. Anatis frowned deeply as the dark energy appeared in her hand before he spun his yoyo. "Let's find out who you really are, Chameleon,"

 "Not before I discover your identity first," She threw back before running at him. He dodged her attacks as she tried to grab him or hit him with her charged up hand. "Too bad that Lady Noir's power is going to destroy you,"

 She tried to kiss him, causing him to dodge.

 "Ever heard of consent?!" He retorted back, dodging her again. He briefly lost his foot and tripped, causing her to try and jump on him but he threw her off and jumped over to a lamp post. "Hey, bet you can't catch me,"

 He jumped over the Eiffel Tower and climbed up it, causing her to follow. He stood on part of it with his arms as she landed on the edge and smirked at him.

 "No where to run, Bug boy," She growled as he smirked.

 "I don't intend to," He replied, throwing up his yoyo and summoning his lucky charm. He caught it and frowned as she laughed at it. "A t-shirt?" 

 "That's your plan, Anatis? Make me dress like you?" She laughed, clearly mocking him before glancing at him with a critical eye. "On second thoughts, such horrible fashion might actually do me in,"

 She charged at him, causing him to jump back and wrap the shirt around his arm before he threw his yoyo, grabbing her baton and pulling it out her hands. He threw it off the tower and blocked her attack as she tried to hit him. She growled and aimed a kick at him, causing him to move around the area they were in. She managed to kick him and knocked him back before diving at him. She landed on him, knocking him down onto the ground as his yoyo bounced down to the lower level. She tried to kiss him but he pushed back her head. She smirked and moved her hand, causing him to block her before he managed to threw her off, making her laugh as she walked towards him, corning him off as he took a fighting stance

 "You trapped and without your precious yoyo," She smirked, running towards him with her hand out stretched. However, he stepped to the side and grabbed her hand before tripping her up and slamming her hand into the ground, causing the floor to rush and break. The two of them fell down as his luck vision lit up the waitress, an oyster knife and an oyster. He smirked as he landed on the counter and grabbed the nearest one as she landed on the ground next to him. She jumped up and went to kiss him but he slammed the oyster onto her lips and smirked at her surprised expression as she stumbled back, causing the Oyster to drop. "Oh, no,"

 Pink sparkles appeared as she transformed into an oyster and fell to the ground. Anatis rolled off the counter and picked it up before turning to the terrified waitress. He helped her to her feet as Lady Noir came over.

 "Are you ok?" He asked, getting a nod of her as the oyster made a noise, causing Lady Noir to raise an eyebrow. He held it up and smirked. "Say hello to our akuma,"

 "Seems she clammed up a little," Lady Noir grinned, making Anatis shake his head. "So how do we get her out of the shell?"

 "I think I have an idea," He muttered, turning to the waitress and holding out the shirt and oyster. "Would you mind?"

 "Of course, Anatis," She smiled, taking the items of him and grabbing the oyster knife. She made quick work of opening it before holding it out to him. "Monsieur,"

 "Thank you," He smiled as he picked the black pearl that was inside. "Time to see what you look like, Chameleon,"

 "It's an old acquaintance," Lady Noir frowned, making him frown as well before he broke the pearl and released the akuma. He captured it with his yoyo and freed the purified version before taking the t-shirt that the waitress held out and threw it into the air.

 "Miraculous Ladybugs!" He shouted, causing it to burst into the magical swarm. It flew around fixing everything before disappearing. The oyster turned purple and transformed back into Lila, causing Anatis to frown deeply and cross his arms as he looked annoyed and unimpressed. "Lila Rossi... why am I not surprised?"

 "Anatis? Oh my gosh, was I akumatized?" She gasped. "I am so sorry. I was just so upset about how Marinette was treating me. She's such a horrible girl and I know she lied to you-"

 "Lila, that's enough!" He growled, making him go quiet as he pinched his nose. "Marinette didn't lie to me about you. She didn't even mentioned your name or imply it was you when she was akumatized. Also, she didn't make you lie about been a superhero now, did she?"

 "I- urg! You're the worst!" She gasped, jumping down and storming off. Anatis shook his head before turning to Lady Noir.

 "I'm sorry but I have to get going. She tried to frame Marinette and I want to make sure she's ok," He explained, making her nod and attempt to hide her blush as he walked over to the edge of the tower before stopping and waving at her. "See you later, kitten,"

 "Bye..." She sighed, dreamily before shaking her head and leaving. She needed to get to the school before he does. She managed to find her way there and climbed into a classroom, de-transforming quickly before rushing out, just as he landed in the courtyard. He looked around and saw her, smiling as he did. He jumped up and landed on the railing near her, making her smile shyly. "H-Hi,"

 "Hey, I'm glad to see you're awake," He stated, making her blush. "I was worried,"

 "Oh, I'm ok!" She gasped, holding up her hands. He smiled and nodded as his earrings beeped.

 "Ah... gotta go," He mumbled, throwing his yoyo and flying off as she sighed. Rose and Juleka ran over.

 "Marinette, there you are!" Rose gasped, hugging her as Juleka caught her breathe. "Don't run off like that,"

 "I'm sorry. I just wanted to warn Anatis," She mumbled as Lila walked into the courtyard. She noticed Marinette and glared at her before huffing and walking off. The bell rang, causing the three girls to sigh and walk towards the class. However, Marinette heard her name been called, making her turn around as Luka ran over and hugged her. She blinked but hugged back. Juleka grabbed Rose and pulled her inside as she looked like she was about to squeal with delight. Luka gently let go off Marinette and looked at her.

 "You're ok," He gasped, happy to see she was alright. "I was so worried that you had been akumatized again,"

 "Oh no... not me... it was Lila," She muttered, holding up her hands but then Lila's threat came into her mind. The akuma had been after her and Lila had been in a pretty good mood after threatening her so how did she get akumatized? "But it doesn't add up..."

 "What doesn't?"

 "Lila been akumatized..." She muttered, looking down. "I think she might have been the next target for the akuma but I don't know why...."

 "Next target?" He asked, concerned. "But you said you weren't akumatized...."

 "And I wasn't but...." She muttered, looking down. "Hawkmoth did try. He promised me power again but I resisted I promise!"

 "I believe you," Luka smiled, looking at her with a gentle look. "And I'm proud of you for resisting him...but can I ask why? I know Lila had followed you to the bathroom. I tried to find you after I noticed but..."

 She frowned and looked down as tears filled her eyes. He frowned deeply and pulled her into his arms as Miss Bustier walked out of the class. She looked at him and then at Marinette, who was sobbing against his chest.

 "Mr Couffaine, would you mind taking Marinette home?" She asked, making her look up as she gave her a gentle look. "Tell her parents she has my permission for the rest of the afternoon off and if she needs tomorrow off as well, she can. I'll get one of the class members to bring any home work to her. I'll inform Ms Mendeleiev off your absence while you take her home,"

 "Of course, Miss Bustier," He replied, gently leading Marinette away from the class and out of the school. Marinette kept quiet as she sniffed and wiped her eyes as they walked. They entered the bakery, causing Sabine to look up and rush over when she saw her daughter in tears. Luka explained as best as he could what had happened and told her what Miss Bustier said, causing Sabine to fuss over her daughter and take her upstairs. She came back down and gave him some free food before telling that Marinette had fallen asleep for now and if he wanted, he could come by and see her later. He nodded and left, heading back to school. The rest of the afternoon went really quickly and soon he found himself telling Juleka he would be heading to Marinette to check in on her. She asked him to take the homework of that afternoon to her since he was already heading there, causing him to take them and place it into his bag before Rose and her ran off. He turned to walk off but found Lila in his pathway.

 "Oh, hi, Luka," She grinned, in her false voice. "I wanted to talk to you as I think we got off on the wrong foot,"

 "No, we didn't," He stated, coldly.

 "I don't understand why you seem to hate me," She gasped, insulted. "You haven't even given me a chance,"

 "I don't need to," He stated, making her frown. "I can tell what kind of person just from your song and yours can't even be called that,"

 "What do you mean?"

 "Simple, I hear the sound of people's hearts," He explained, making her frown. "And I'd rather listen to nails on a chalkboard then your heart,"

 "Harsh," She gasped as he went to walk away.

 "But true," He stated, making her frown even more. "Not that you would know about that. Now if you excuse me, I have places to be,"

 He went to walk away but she stopped him.

 "I see you've made a decision, Luka," She stated, making him glare down at her. "I was hoping you would become my friend but clearly, you've decided to move against me so from now on, you and I are at war. You're gonna lost your friends and end up alone. Not even Marinette will want to look at you when I'm done. She'll hate you and your life will end up in chaos, thanks to me,"

 She smirked at him, thinking it will scare him but he merely smirked.

 "We'll see about that, Lila," He replied, not even trembling. She frowned as he should be terrified. "You know what they say about Chaos right?"

 "What?"

 "From Chaos comes creation," He smirks, making her frown. "And I'm very creative, especially when there is chaos. After all, I am a Couffaine and chaos runs deep in my blood so go ahead and try,"

 He smirked as she stood there, shaking before he walked off, whistling to himself as he did.

 ~Later that Night~

 "Hey, Kitten," Anatis stated as he walked over to Lady Noir, who was sat on a rooftop. She looked over and smiled as he sat down before he took out his yoyo and reached in, taking out a bag of cookies before taking one for himself and offering one to her. She thanked him and took one, happily eating it. "So Lila got reakumatized..."

 "Yeah and I don't think it was unintentional," She muttered, making him frown. "I talked to Marinette as I was worried about her,"

 "What did you find out?" He asked, looking at her.

 "She was almost reakumatized," She muttered, making him frown. "She resisted it and activated the akuma alert to let us know then Lila came back in, caught her off guard and kissed her,"

 "That's how she changed into her," He muttered, frowning. "But why was she nearly akumatized and then Miss Rossi?"

 "I think I can answer that too," She explained. "I asked Marinette the same thing and she told me that Lila had threatened her and her friend, Luka,"

 "She what?!" He yelled, making her blink and look at him. He took a deep breathe and tried to calm himself down. "Continue please,"

 "Uh... Marinette said that Lila threatened to destroy his friendships then turn him against Marinette so he would only have Lila left," She mumbled, making him frown deeply. Lila clearly thought he was attractive enough to want to steal him from Marinette... not that he was actually hers but it made him glad that him and Jagged had agreed not to go public yet. "But she was confused that Lila got akumatized. Apparently, Lila was in quite the giddy mood after her threat,"

 "So why would she get akumatized?" He asked, frowning.

 "Her akumatization doesn't add," Lady Noir muttered, making him frown. "She wasn't upset or angry,"

 "What if she didn't need to be?" He muttered, making her look at him. "Hawkmoth uses negative emotions to track and make akumas but the butterfly miraculous doesn't work like that naturally. It's butterfly could just give any powers as long as they felt something so what if Lila saw the butterfly and took it for herself?"

 "But that would suggest that Lila did that intentionally?" Lady Noir gasped, making him nod. "You really think she would do that?"

 "She threatened two people despite knowing that there is a psychotic super villain who targets bad emotions and has made it clear she is willing to hurt people," He points out, making her frown.

 "Wait... two people?" She asked, making him sigh.

 "She threatened Luka in person," He muttered, making her frown. "He told me about it before I came here,"

 "Why that little witch!" She gasped, making him look at her with surprise. "You know what?! She is definitely capable of willingly helping Hawkmoth!"

 "I agree," He stated, looking back at the skyline. "I'm gonna ask my informants at the school to keep an eye on her,"

 "And the fact that she helped Hawkmoth?" Lady Noir asked, making him look at her.

 "We gather evidence," He stated, making her smile. "Every scrap of prove we have so she can't wiggle her way out of it and we cover everything. If she's willing to work with a terrorist then who knows what else she's done,"

 "Sounds good to me," She nodded. "I ask my informants to help out,"

 "You have informants?"

 "Of course, I do," She grinned, giving him a cheeky wink. He chuckled and shook his head before munching on his cookie. She gently moved over and leaned her head against his shoulder, causing him to look at her again. "This ok?"

 "Yeah," He smiled, looking back at the skyline. "It is,"

-------------------------------------------

Next Chapter: https://ultra-sassyduck.tumblr.com/post/639463660148932608/miraclous-rise-of-anatis-42

[hattywatch]

K. Hayes -  All My Own in a Big Red Bow

A/N: This is for @hockeyandtaylorswift​, for Christmas. She requested it and I love her and she deserves the world. Also I posted this on my phone so I could get it out asap. Sorry if the formatting suffered.

Prompts:

23. “Chocolate chip is the only cookie that matters.”

24. “Is this the part where we kiss?”

"Kris, are you sure? I don't want to make it awkward. I'll be the only one from your side there." Your sister scoffs into the phone. 

"Babe, it's fine. You know how they Hayeses are. The more the merrier." You do know this. Your sister's in-laws are incredibly warm. They invited you to a pool party this past summer and  text you for your birthday.

You're right. I'm still just a little annoyed that Mom and Dad felt the need to have their midlife-crisis now and jet off to a tropical island for Christmas. They couldn't wait a week?" You hear Kris hum and there's a cry in the background. 

"I'll let you get back to it. Keep my nephew happy. I'll see you tomorrow." Kristen reminds you of the time and tells you to bring pajamas and an overnight bag so you don't have to go home and when you hear the door to the nursery and the baby's cries get louder you assure her that you've got it and hurry her off the phone. 

It could be worse; you'll be with your sister for Christmas at least. You can't really blame your parents. When they made the plans months ago you were still with your ex and planning to travel out of state to see his family, but that was months ago and you'd really rather not be alone on Christmas. The flip side is you'll spend it with your sister's perfect little family, which you're happy about, but obviously a little envious you haven't been able to find your own prince charming yet. They don't make them like Jimmy anymore, obviously. 

_______

When you get to Kris and Jimmy's house the next day you immediately relieve her of the baby, delighted to bounce him around the house on your hip and make silly noises at him. 

Glad you came to see me. I feel really special," Kris yells across the kitchen to you as she mixes up a batch of cookies for later. 

"Don't make me choose, you won't like the outcome. You know where my love lies," you hold your nephew up high over your head and blow a raspberry with your lips, aiming for an engine noise but really just spitting all over yourself. The baby doesn't seem to care much and he giggles and coos before he's plucked from your hands. 

"How's my favorite little man? Huh? You excited for Santa tonight?" Kevin lights up as he talks to his nephew and you're not really sure if you want any kids of your own, but boy does a man who's good with kids punch you right in the ovary. 

"Hey! Give him back, we were playing airplane," you whine at Kevin, all the while smiling at his stupid ugly sweater. He plops a kiss down on the baby's fuzzy head and hands him back over to you. 

"Okay, but I'm next in line. Hand him right to me or I'll never get him. My mom's vicious." Nodding, you wink and promise Kevin exactly that. 

He pats you on your back and bends down to drop a kiss on your cheek, "Sorry, hi. Where's Dennis?" 

"Merry Christmas. I don't know. Hell?" 

Kristen snorts, obviously overhearing you. "Touchy subject, Kev." You roll your eyes. 

"It's not touchy, I'm just being grinchy. We broke up, that's all." Kevin lifts his eyebrows and nods. 

"I'd say sorry to hear it, but Jim said he's a douche." He sits down on the chair across the table from you. 

"Your brother is perceptive and wise beyond his years." Kris drops a bowl of dough on the table in between you and Kevin. 

"If you're in the kitchen, you're helping. Make these into balls and put them on this cookie sheet, please? I want to check on dinner." She walks away with the grace she's always had that you've never been able to emulate, floating on air.

Kevin washes his hands and stands over the table, balling up cookie dough and putting them far too close together on the cookie sheet. When you look over you notice something's missing. 

"Kris? Where are the chocolate chips?"

"They're sugar cookies. I ran out of chips," she calls from where she's bent down checking the roast in the oven. 

"Oh no. I'm running out then. Everyone knows chocolate chip is the only cookie that matters." She nods, placating you like only a big sister can.

"Be my guest. But give me the baby, I want to feed him so he'll take a nap before dinner." She scoops him up and his little face lights up at seeing his mother and your heart breaks with love. 

"Kev, you wanna come?" Glancing at him as you shrug on your coat, he's leaning over the sink washing his hands again, but looks up when you call his name. 

"For sure." He looks at you, brows drawn and mouth in a straight line, serious. "I hate sugar cookies." He gives you a big dopey grin and you are eternally happy your sister married into this family. 

_______

"Not sure how I ended up driving," Kevin backs out of the driveway, turning and looking behind him with his big hand on the back of your headrest. 

Making your eyes big and innocent you smile up at him, "Because you blocked me in and your truck is nicer than my car." You adjust the climate control on your side of the car and he lowers the radio from the buttons on the steering wheel.

"You wanna talk about Dennis?" He glances over at you at a red light and you want to sink into your seat. 

"There's not much to tell. He started seeing someone at work and hit me with it back in September. I just moved out and that was that." It's the truth. It was a pretty clean break, your name wasn't on the lease, you didn't have a pet or child together; it was as easy as packing up your clothes, a lamp and a coffee table and it's like you were never there. 

"You find a new place yet?" You didn't expect Kevin to be so interested in your break-up, but you do get along best with him out of all of your sister's in-laws. You're close in age, goofy, and all too happy to play the part of doting aunt and uncle. 

"Why, you looking for a roommate?" Kevin sighs like you just told a bad dad-joke, but you can see he's sincere so you back off. "Nah, I didn't, though. I'm just back with my parents for now until I can find something. The commute is killing me."

You unbuckle your seatbelt as he pulls into a space at the supermarket, he walks around the car to fall into stride next to you. "I have a place in Boston I never use if you want to use it. Just a one bedroom, but I could give you the key and you can pop in whenever you need it."

That's not what you were expecting, and you're stunned, but you say thank you and promise to let him know if you want to take him up on his offer. You only see Kevin a few times a year, but every time you leave, you wish he lived a little closer because you could see the two of you being good friends. 

He picks up a shopping basket and walks over to the refrigerated section. "You can't get a log of cookie dough, Kevin. That's cheating." 

He throws two in the basket. "I don't know how to make them from scratch. What do I look like, Emril?" You dig your hands into the basket and pull the logs of dough back out to put on the shelf. 

"I'll teach you. They're better from scratch." He concedes and follows you through the store as you call Kris and take inventory on what she has and what you need. Apparently she hasn't been shopping in forever because you need everything except flour.

It feels nice to do such a domestic chore with someone so silly. He tries to sneak sour patch kids into the basket while you're in the aisle looking for chocolate chips. "Are you kidding me?" He looks around like he has no idea who could have put the yellow bag of candy in your basket. 

"You're literally a professional athlete. How can you eat like this."  He cracks open the bag of sour patch kids and pops a cherry one into his mouth. His lips pucker a little at the tart flavor, but it fades quickly and he chews happily.

"Just lucky, I guess. Still have this rockin' bod." He flexes a bicep, but it's useless under his fluffy sweater. 

"You're an idiot," it is hilarious though, so you laugh and steal a sour patch from the open bag. "Let's go checkout, they're going to kick us out since you can't be trusted around a bag of candy."

You use self checkout and Kevin bags. He taps his Apple pay to the terminal before you can even get your credit card out of your wallet. 

"I got it." He shakes his head at you, "You're gunna teach me, so I'll provide the materials," he takes the bag and you walk to the car side by side. 

By the time you get back to your sister's house, you and Kevin are chatting happily about New Year's Eve plans after he mentions he'll be back in Boston for it. Maybe you want to see him again soon, so you don't hesitate to extend an invitation to the house party you're throwing while your parents are still sunning themselves on some exotic island. 

"I mean, it's just a small group of friends. I think Kris and your brother are going to stop by for a little," you think maybe you're not playing this cool enough so you back off a little. "You could bring a plus one, obviously. The more the merrier."

You walk into the house behind Kevin, who is still holding all of the bags, and he is pushed back into you abruptly, pinning you against the front door with his strong frame. 

"Uncle Kevin!" More Hayeses have arrived since you two left, apparently. He shifts the bags to his other hand and steps away from you, lifting up his niece and placing her on his hip."Hey pretty girl," he places a kiss on her fat little cheek and she giggles. 

"Can I ask you a secret?" She says it solemnly and he nods and turns his head so she can whisper into his ear. In true childhood fashion, she cannot whisper for shit. "Is that your girlfriend?" 

You laugh and steal the bags from Kevin's hands and head towards the rest of his family to kiss them hello. Jimmy chooses to answer her first, "That's Aunt Kris' sister." The little girl nods in appreciation at the new information. 

"She's pretty like Aunt Kris. Uncle Kevin, she can be your new girlfriend." He pulls one of her pigtails and lets her down to the floor, "I'll be sure to ask, thanks for the good advice." She seems happy with his response and resumes whatever game she was playing with her grandpa before Kevin interrupted; it looks like guess who. 

"Okay I'm going to make cookies, whoever would like to join is more than welcome." You finally make it to the kitchen and drop the bags on the island. Kevin is behind you a moment later. 

"Sorry, she really liked Brooke. It's kinda hard to explain to a kid," he's mumbling through a totally unnecessary apology so you just cut it short for him. 

"So you're not my new boyfriend? Is that what you're telling me? Because I don't appreciate you doing this on Christmas, Kevin. And in front of your family? Cheap shot." 

Placing your hand on your hip you cock it out and he laughs, "Okay, okay, we can stay together until Valentine's day but then we're through." 

"That's fair," you hold out your hand and shake his, biting back a laugh. 

______

A half hour later finds you and Kevin rolling up your dough into balls and dropping it onto a baking sheet.

"These are way too close together. You know they expand when you bake them, right?" You go back over all the ones he did spreading them out.

"I don't know shit, look at me," looking up you see him holding out his hands gesturing to his sweater, which is covered in flour, white dusted all over navy blue. 

You're staring at him and laughing when he reaches his hands behind his head and pulls the sweater over the back of his head and off and you maybe forget that it's rude to stare. He's wearing an undershirt, stark white against his skin, but it creeps up a bit as he's shucking clothes and you catch a peek of toned abs and have to avert your gaze before you make this sufficiently awkward. 

By the time he's gotten his big, fat head out of his sweater you've gone back to spacing out the dough and doing your best to be cool. Like, you've obviously seen some abs before, they just haven't been attached to someone you actually enjoy and are maybe a little… attracted to?

This is a bad time for this revelation. 

It continues to be a bad time for this revelation when his niece wanders into the room all changed into Christmas PJs. "Uncle Kevin," she tugs on his t-shirt, "I want to make cookies for Santa too." 

He scoops her up and sits her on the counter next to the bowl. "Okay, watch how (Y/n) does it. She's a pro, taught me everything I know." He winks over at you and you grab a fresh baking sheet as he helps her wash her hands over the sink. 

"Okay, first we take a little bit of dough like this," you grab a piece for you and a piece for her, but then Kevin holds out his hand too, so you grab another piece and place it in his outstretched hand. "Then we roll it up like this," you roll the dough in between flat palms and make it into a little ball. 

"Wow," you see her doughy little hands making a wobbly shaped sphere and look at her amazed, "are you sure you haven't done this before? You're a natural!" She grins at you before turning to Kevin, who wears a matching mask of amazement. 

"I never did this before, Uncle Kevin. Look I'm doing good!" He's got so much love in his eyes for his family that you can barely look at the two of them without your eyes watering.

After you pop the tray in the oven you all sit down for dinner, which is just everyone shouting over each other trying to be heard while passing the mashed potatoes around the table. 

Kevin sits next to you on one side and his mom is on your other. She keeps glancing over as you chat with her son and you're feeling as self conscious as ever as she smiles at you when you start helping Kris clear the table for dessert. 

She's whispering conspiratorially to Kevin over your empty chair as you place the mountain of chocolate chip cookies in front of him. He looks miserable. 

Eventually the crowd thins out. Most of Jimmy's family lives close by in the suburbs and they'll be back early tomorrow. Apparently it's just you can Kevin spending the night, since he didn't want to drive back into the city. 

When it's just you, Kris, Jimmy, and Kevin left, the baby long since put the bed, you all leave the dining room in favor of the cushy couches in the living room. You pick up the remote and scroll through the channels before putting on A Charlie Brown Christmas. 

"Classic," Kevin turns his head towards you from where he's reclined on the couch to your right. 

About halfway through, Kris yawns. She exhausted and you understand, but you never could fall asleep on Christmas Eve. "Go to bed, Krissy. We can take care of ourselves. You out-hosted yourself today, you earned it." 

Jimmy stands and pulls her up off of the couch, "Let's go momma Hayes." She complies to him with no hesitation. Before she's halfway out of the room she's turns around and grabs a fleece blanket off of the decorative ladder against the wall and walks back to throw it over you. 

"Kevin called the guest room. You get the couch," she leans down and kisses you on the cheek. "Love you," she hugs you before scampering off to get waiting husband. 

You pause Charlie Brown. "You called the guest room, you absolute child??"

"We can share." He says it low, sleepy and raspy and from the back of his throat. 

Choosing to ignore the warmth it sends through you, you pull the blankets up to your chin, "Bully."

Charlie Brown ends and Kevin pulls the the remote from your hand. "Let's make hot chocolate."

You follow behind him on stocking feet, quiet not to wake the baby or your sister. But then Kevin gets out a pot and pulls cocoa from a pantry and this is no Swiss Miss situation. So, you push yourself up onto the counter next to the stove and watch him move quietly about the kitchen. 

"But you didn't know how to make cookies," you accuse. 

"This is a secret family recipe." He adds all of the ingredients into the pot before opening the cabinet and hiding whatever he reached for in his big hand; he covers your eyes with the other and you can hear something get added to the pot before a cabinet door closes and you see Kevin stirring with a wooden spoon, looking at you. 

"Secret ingredient. You can't know it." You bite the inside of your cheek and push your hair back off of your face. 

"Is it Vanilla extract?" The smug look flattens out in his face and he squints his eyes at you. 

"You're the devil." You laugh, leaning back on the counter before hopping down and over to the fridge. 

"Do you think they have whipped cream" you're hopeful your sister would keep it on hand. 

"Bottom shelf on the door," he's right and you spot it straight away. 

He keeps stirring the cocoa and you pop back onto the counter and uncap the whipped cream before squeezing some out on the back of your hand. You slurp it off and point the can at Kevin when he looks over at you, still licking the back of your hand. 

He tips his head back and opens his mouth, "No, gross you're not putting your mouth all over the nozzle." You slap at his shoulder. 

"I have to stir the cocoa, (y/n)." 

It sounds like a line and you're just about delirious enough to accept it, so you squeeze out a dollop onto the back of your other hand and put it in front of his face. 

He tips his head down and sucks it up, and it's a lot less sexy than you imagined this whole exchange would be, but his eyes do catch yours and they're warm in a way that has nothing to do with the flame on the range. 

The pot on the stove starts to boil and he turns off the heat and starts looking for mugs, while you try to figure out what the fuck you're doing hitting on your sister's brother-in-law. 

He hands you a mug and starts to pour into it when you look up and see his stubble is coated in whipped cream. 

"Uh, Kev," he put the pot gently back on the stove, "you've got a little," you gesture to above your lip, "here." He must be purposely obtuse when he attempts to get it off, missing entirely despite the size of his hand. 

"No, here," you gesture again and this time he tries with his tongue, still missing the sugary cream by a mile. 

"Help a guy out," is what comes out of his mouth. Not one to miss a golden opportunity, you lean over and run your thumb along his upper lip, corralling it. He tips his head up before you can pull your hand away and kisses it softly. 

You tilt your head sideways, trying to figure out your next step, but all you can come up with is to outright ask, “Is this the part where we kiss?"

He nods soberly and steps in-between your knees where you sit on the counter, hot chocolate forgotten on the island behind him, and presses his lips to yours. 

His lips taste like Christmas, sugary sweet and decadent like the cocoa on the stove. You wind your hands up into his hair, thankful that you're propped up on the counter since he's so much taller than you, you're not sure if you'd reach otherwise. 

When his hands slide down from your waist to your hips you bite into his bottom lip and hear two things. 

The first is a little moan, which you're sure came from Kevin, since you could feel it against your own mouth. 

The second sounds distinctly like the clearing of a throat and came from somewhere to the left near the fridge. You gently back away from Kevin, head against the cabinet behind you and spot Jimmy, wide-eyed, but smirking, and holding a water bottle. 

"Just wanted a drink," he holds the bottle up. "You guys can, uh- share the guest room… Just keep it down, it shares a wall with the baby's room." He practically swaggers away and you drop your head to Kevin's chest. 

"Shit." 

The next sound you hear is your sister screeching your name from her bedroom, closely followed by the resulting cry of a woken baby, and lastly Kevin laughing, clear and bubbling up through his chest where you're leaning. 

"Yikes, tomorrow is going to be fun." He kisses the top of your head and helps you down from the counter. Fun indeed. 

[flightfoot]

Divergent Points: ML Salt - Marinette vs. Saltinette: Chameleon Edition

AO3/FFN

------------------

Marinette struggled against her copy’s grip, finally forcing her way free - but it was too late.

Instead of a grassy park they stood in a black void, seemingly floating on nothing.

Her heart stopped.

If they weren’t with her-!

“What did you DO to them?!”

‘Marinette’ stared back coldly. “Why do you care so much? It took Adrien literally seeing that you were Ladybug for him to figure out that he supposedly ‘loved’ you. He let Lila and Chloe get away with their actions instead of exposing Lila and controlling Chloe. Alya had the nerve - the NERVE! - to say that we might be jealous of Lila. And she said to check her sources BUT DIDN’T DO SO HERSELF. And Nino - well, he specifically hasn’t done much, but the whole class - except Adrien I guess, but that makes him not exposing Lila even WORSE - fell under Lila’s spell including him, and he didn’t stop the rest of the class from treating you like crap!”

...Huh?

What the hell?

Most of it was just a bad spin on what’d happened, but some of that was entirely false. 

“What do you mean about Alya checking sources? And Nino and Alya didn’t fall in line with Lila! Not after she came back to class at least.”

Her copy snorted. “Oh right. You’re not from that universe, so you wouldn’t know.”

“That universe?”

Did she mean one of these manufactured worlds?

“The universe you come from is an offshoot, a reflection, of the Source universe. It separated off when your friends learned each other’s secret identities and has been steadily diverging ever since. In the Source universe, Lila’s return went a little differently.”

She conjured up a screen, showing Marinette arriving late in school one day to find the seating arrangement changed, but…

This wasn’t right.

“Why did so many people move?”

‘Marinette’ put a hand to her lips. “You’ll see.”

Marinette looked at Alya questioningly. “At the back? Why? What's going on?”

Nino leaned over, answering her. “Well since she's got a hearing issue, there's no way she can sit at the back of the class, right? Which means she needed a place up in the front.”

Which was when Alya took over, “So to make it work Ivan sat next to Mylene, Nate sat next to Alix, besides she came up with the idea of moving Nino here, so now we get to spend more time together.”

No wonder Alya’d agreed to it; it gave everyone what they wanted seemingly, besides possibly Marinette. Being at the back of the class wasn’t the end of the world by any means, but not getting to be with her friends would’ve sucked.

“You see?” ‘Marinette’ hissed. “They didn’t care. So long as everyone got to spend time with their partners or friends, you being left alone didn’t matter. She didn’t even seem to consider your feelings, just assuming you’d be okay with it!”

Well… she wasn’t totally wrong. But-

“Someone would’ve had to sit alone.”

“But why did it have to be YOU?”

She sighed. It didn’t have to be her. It could’ve been anyone with the way so much of the classroom had been reshuffled. But everyone else had at least conceivably had the chance to provide input, while she-

“Because I was the one who was late. Everything needed to be reshuffled by the time Lila arrived so she’d have a place to sit. 

Would I have preferred if someone had volunteered to give up their seat with their friend instead? Yes. But they have as much right to sit with the people they want as I do.”

‘Marinette’ growled at her. “This is US we’re talking about though! Not THEM!”

Seriously?

“What difference does that make?”

“We deserve better!”

She waved her hand, causing the scene to continue playing. “Maybe the rest of this will persuade you of their horribleness, of their utter irredeemability.”

“Who is this ‘she’?” Marinette asked. 

Just then Ms. Bustier entered the classroom, a familiar - and unwelcome - figure behind her. 

“Good morning, students. I'm sure you've all heard by now, but Lila's home from her trip to Achu and she's back in school with us again.”

“Yippee,” Marinette muttered.

“Hi everyone!” Lila waved at the rest of the class.

“Hi Lila!” the class greeted her back.

“Oh, a seat in the front row! You all remembered my hearing issue! You're such sweethearts, all of you.”

“Those gullible IDIOTS actually believed her!” ‘Marinette’ seethed. “No paperwork. No questioning of her needs. She just says she has a hearing issue and everyone rushes to accommodate her. They should’ve demanded to see documentation before making you move! Should have viewed any request with suspicion and treated her like the LYING FRAUD SHE IS!”

Ok now THAT was a step too far. She could see being incensed at the time, knowing she was almost certainly faking it, but from an outside perspective?

“Demanding proof of a disability in order to justify such a small accommodation? I know she was faking, but… they didn’t. What if she HAD been telling the truth?”

“But she wasn’t!”

“They didn’t know that.”

“Well they should have!”

“Would you demand every student have paperwork on the first day back to class?”

“Just for Lila.”

“That’s not how this works.”

‘Marinette’ glared at her, playing the video again.

“You have a hearing problem, Lila?” Marinette asked suspiciously, arms crossed.

“Yes, I suffer from tinnitus, a constant ringing in my left ear. I've had it ever since the sound of an airplane engine burst my eardrum on the runaway when I was saving Jagged Stone's lost kitten.”

“Isn’t Jagged Stone’s pet a crocodile?”

“Now it is, yes. But he had a kitten until he found out he was allergic to it.”

Lila turned towards Adrien. “The best part is, since you're such an excellent student, Adrien, you'll be able to help me catch up with all the schoolwork I missed while I was traveling with my parents. Would you do that for me?”

Ugh. She hated the subtle manipulation Lila used on Adrien there. Just ‘assuming’ he’d help her, acting like it was a given, and only then ‘asking’? Not leaving much room for him to say no.

Her lies were mediocre, but her manipulation worked.

“Sure, Lila”, Adrien agreed.

Marinette turned to Miss Bustier. “Miss Bustier, why do I have to sit in the back now?”

“Do you have any trouble hearing or seeing, Marinette?” 

“Uh, I… I…”

She winced. It must’ve sucked being put on the spot like that. But she had a point.

“You see! Even Miss Bustier’s targeting you!”

“She had to send someone to the back,” Marinette pointed out tiredly. “And they probably wouldn’t have been happy about it either.”

Adrien stood up. “My eyesight and hearing are good. I'll sit in the back of the class and you two can sit up front. I don't mind.”

She perked up. Seriously? Adrien would willingly volunteer to separate from his friends, from some of the little time he had with them, just in order to help her? 

Her heart warmed at the thought. She’d never ask Adrien to do that, wouldn’t want to be responsible for decreasing what little opportunity he had to spend time with his friends, but it was still sweet. 

“No!” Marinette and Lila both shouted.

Adrien looked at them, seeming taken aback.

Ah. So he hadn’t picked up on the true cause of their conflict. His solution would’ve worked fine if the cause of their disagreement was really about seating position. But it wasn’t.

It was about who got to sit near Adrien, and in her own case, near Alya as well.

Lila looked down sadly. “My return is causing so much trouble, maybe I should have just stayed on the other side of the world. If Marinette has an issue too, then I should be the one to go and sit in the back. It's okay.”

Really laying it on thick huh? But if she hadn’t known about Lila’s penchant for lying already, she would’ve thought she was sincere.

The class glaring at her after Lila’s sad statement hurt, but she could see why they did. Making a fellow classmate feel bad for no apparent reason wasn’t looked well upon. It must’ve seemed pretty odd to her classmates that she’d be so adamant about this; from what they knew of her, it didn’t fit.

The on-screen Marinette started some damage control.

 “I don't actually have any trouble seeing or hearing. I mean…”

“Good, so there's no problem then. You sit here, Lila, Adrien, you stay where you are and, Marinette, you sit in the back row.”

Marinette trudged to her new seat, away from her friends.

“They ABANDONED you! Abandoned us! Isolated us! All for that snake Lila. They cared more about making sure that this new girl wasn’t going to be at a disadvantage because of a supposed disability than about our feelings! How DARE they!”

“...that really doesn’t sound so flattering out loud you know.”

‘Marinette’ growled at her. “Oh that’s not the end of it. Just look at what happened at lunch! Alya wasn’t the one going after Lila in the Source universe; YOU were, and without backup!”

A group of Marinette’s classmates gathered around Lila, bringing her food.

“That’s for you Lila!”

“Thank you, you’re so sweet!”

“Here’s your appetizer Lila!”

“And I’ve got your main course!”

“I’ll fetch your dessert!”

Lila looked around at everyone bringing her food. “I’m sorry I can’t carry my own tray. It’s almost impossible with this sprained wrist.”

Marinette rolled her eyes. Well so far it was pretty much the same as in her own universe. She was glad her classmates were so kind and helpful to someone supposedly in need, but it was really grating to see Lila take advantage of them like that.

Kim reached between herself and Alya for some food. “Sorry,”

Marinette looked at Alya and Nino. “Lila's totally lying. She made up that whole tinnitus story just so she could sit next to Adrien, and her sprained wrist's completely bogus, too.”

Alya just seemed confused. “I don't get it, Marinette. You barely know Lila. Why all the hate?”

Funny to see Alya defending Lila considering she hated her more than anyone in their own universe, but with her not knowing Lila was a liar? It made sense.  It really looked like she was out to get Lila for no apparent reason.

“Fine, I'll tell you everything.” Marinetted dragged Alya and Nino to a separate table, away from the others. “You remember Lila when she first came to school right after the summer break? She was only here for one day and then she left on that 'round-the-world trip. Everyone was captivated by her. Something just felt off to me. So I followed her.”

...Oooh. 

Well THAT certainly wasn’t going to convince them she was on the up-and-up with her motives. 

She’d had better reasons for following them in reality of course, with needing to retrieve the Miraculous Grimoire and with Lila lying about her personally, saying she was friends with Ladybug, but leaving out those details?

It really did sound like she was out to get Lila for reasons that weren’t all that rational.

And with Lila flirting with Adrien and Alya already knowing that she could go a little overboard regarding him…

Somehow she didn’t think this would end with Alya and Nino agreeing with her.

“What?!” Alya and Nino replied, shocked.

 “She lies with every breath!”

Nino frowned. “Wait. You eavesdropped on Lila and Adrien? That's not cool.”

Alya took a more analytical approach. “A good reporter always verifies her sources. Can you prove she doesn't actually know Ladybug?”

She winced. Following someone and eavesdropping on them in order to dig up dirt on them based on no actual evidence? Definitely didn’t sound great.

At least Alya was still willing to listen so long as she could provide evidence to back up her assertion. She didn’t dismiss her claims out of hand.

Unfortunately she couldn’t give that evidence, not right then at least. 

Though she could always appear as Ladybug and tell Alya what went down between her and Lila. Maybe use the excuse that she happened by the bakery and Marinette told her everything? Wouldn’t be the first time she’d used her civilian identity to set up a meeting between her superhero identity and Alya.

‘Marinette’ turned to her, grinning triumphantly. “See? SEE?! She insisted on us providing evidence, on verifying our sources, but didn’t do that with Lila when she posted her interview before! She’s a hypocrite and a bad reporter by her own admission.”

That was a little much. Yes Alya should have checked before posting that interview and what she was saying here didn’t match up to her actions before, but that went too far.

“Alya just got a little carried away that time. It happens, especially with wanting it to be true so badly.” 

“But she’s a HYPOCRITE! And she used that hypocrisy against US! How can you be okay with being friends with her?!”

“She only asked to make sure my statement - or well, that Marinette’s statement I guess - was based on facts and not an assumption. You seriously think it’s worth breaking a friendship over?”

“I think it’s worth destroying all her relationships and future prospects over. Seriously, what reporter insists on checking sources and then doesn’t check with her own source?! She should be exiled from the industry forever, her reputation in tatters, harassed nonstop on the streets and on the web  and she’d DESERVE IT!”

“...She’s fourteen. Also what planet are you living on and do all reporters there adhere to that standard? Because that’s definitely not true of all news organizations here. Retractions exist for a reason.”

“And every adult in her life can see her for the fraud she is and get her arrested for her violent and cruel actions toward us!” 

“When does THAT happen?!”

“Right here! She asked to check our sources! She didn’t believe us without question!”

“And that means she’s violent?!”

“It means that she’s a horrible, abusive enough person that she might as well be!”

...Where did this thought progression even come from. Like, seriously.

Marinette stuttered, not sure how to answer Alya’s question without exposing her identity. “Well I–uh… I… I… Okay! You want proof she's lying?” She balled up a nearby napkin. “Hey Lila! You forgot your napkin!” and threw it at her.

Lila caught it with her ‘sprained’ hand.

Marinette pointed at Lila and loudly declared “Ha, ha! See that? It's obvious she doesn't have a sprained wrist.”

The class gasped, turning to look at Lila in dismay.

Lila promptly dropped the napkin, clutching her hand. “Uh, ow! Once when I was in India, I witnessed someone getting their eye gouged out by the corner of a napkin. If I hadn't caught it, this napkin could've injured Max. I didn't have a choice. Ow!”

Well that had to be the stupidest lie she’d told yet. Max was even wearing glasses, it couldn’t have gotten to his eyes even if that WAS true!

“See?! That proved conclusively that Lila was lying, and they STILL ate up her lies!”

She tried to think of a nice way to phrase this. “That was… definitely dumb, but… well even without that excuse, it wouldn’t prove much. She said her wrist was sprained, not paralyzed, her being able to move it is normal, and catching something thrown at you is just a reflex.”

“But they had the gall to get upset at us afterwards!”

Max looked at Lila in awe. “Lila, you saved my eye! You sacrificed yourself for me.”

“Why wouldn't I, Max? Ouch. You're my friend.”

Sabrina spoke up. “We'll take you to the nurse's office.”

Mylene looked over towards Marinette. “Are you proud of yourself?”

Kim took over. “Lila's in even more pain now, all because of you.”

But Lila spoke up, supposedly in Marinette’s defense. “No, no, don't blame Marinette. She was just trying to give me a napkin. Right, Marinette?”

Marinette just stomped away, gritting her teeth and growling.

“See? SEE?! They turned on us!”

She grimaced. “Yeah, but-”

“YES!” ‘Marinette’ shouted triumphantly. “They’re terrible people just waiting for an opportunity to pounce, to mob us at the slightest sign of noncompliance, to shame us for merely trying to get to the TRUTH! We’ve been with them longer, we’ve helped them so much, and they’d dare take LILA’S side?! They should know that if I do something to hurt someone, OBVIOUSLY they deserve it.”

She did not sound like this. The way her counterpart onscreen acted made sense in the heat of the moment with already being riled up from Lila’s previous actions, but with what her classmates had been privy to?

No. 

They were guilty of being gullible, that much was true.

But with what they saw of her feud with Lila?

She wouldn’t be happy either if she saw someone, even a friend she knew well who was usually kind and compassionate, targeting a new girl who said they had disabilities.

 Attempting to publicly ‘expose’ such a girl for supposedly faking them as well as for lying about other things to make herself seem more impressive? If she wasn’t doing it in a blatantly harmful way? Would seem like overkill, like it would have a lot more potential to cause more harm than it would prevent, even if the accuser was right.

Maybe she would’ve approached differently, taking aside the accuser if they were a friend of hers.  Ask them more about what was really going on since that behavior wouldn’t fit what she knew of them.

Which looking at it, was pretty much what Alya actually did regarding her beef with Lila; asking her why she hated Lila so much if she barely knew her.

She just couldn’t give Alya a good answer without exposing her secret identity.

Alya and Nino at least didn’t join in with the scolding afterwards. Probably too shocked at what went down. It must’ve been really confusing from their perspective, seeing her lash out like that at someone who from all appearances seemed conciliatory. 

“It would’ve been nice for me if they’d backed me up. If they’d just known I had to have a good reason, even if I couldn’t prove it. 

But it’s not something I’d expect. I’m not infallible, and I wouldn’t want them to target someone on my behalf on just my word that they were bad without backing it up. What if I was the new girl and someone did the same thing to me? Someone who’d been there longer, who was better established, who was popular and even friendly with most other people?”

‘Marinette’ scoffed. “Then a bunch of your new classmates would perceive your inherent worth and crush that bully like the insect they were! Our skill, our strength shines through and while some fools might not perceive it or try to control us for their own sakes, enough of them would see what a shining star we are that they’d fall all over themselves to hang on our every word!”

Yeesh. She really didn’t have much sense of outside perspectives, huh?

Or humility.

Or the world outside herself as a whole.

“You know you sound a lot like Chloe?”

“Good! Chloe can see our REAL worth.”

Maybe that was why her doppelganger liked Chloe so much. They shared a similar attitude.

“You know none of this is convincing me that everyone else’s treatment in those other worlds is remotely justified, right?

‘Marinette’ glared. “I don’t know why not. This is bad enough. But if you really want to see more… well. Lila threatened you in the bathroom in this universe, and unlike in yours, it was JUST us by ourselves. An akuma even threatened us, but we managed to ward it away.

More importantly for this though, Adrien tried to talk to Lila.”

Adrien ran into Lila. “Hey Lila.”

Lila immediately started jabbering at him. “Adrien, we'll have to figure when you're gonna help me catch up on all the schoolwork I missed. I also heard you play piano, my uncle's the great pianist Chuch Boroughchuck. He wanted to teach me when I was little, but I had to stop playing because of arthritis. But when my wrist gets better, I'd love for you to give me some lessons.”

Marinette’s eyes rolled so hard she was surprised they didn’t fall out of the back of her head. That might’ve worked with everyone else, but Adrien knew for a fact that the whole ‘pretending to be related to famous and influential people’ thing was a trick she pulled to lure people in. And she KNEW he knew that. And yet she still thought it’d work? Points for confidence she guessed.

Adrien was having none of it, though he wasn’t being confrontational about it either. “Lila, I'm perfectly happy being friends with you, and I'll gladly help you catch on your schoolwork, but please don't lie to me like you did last time with Ladybug.”

“Ladybug’s the liar.”

“I'm not judging you, Lila, but instead of making friends you're going to turn everyone against you. You can tell me if there's something bothering you. I can help. But you need to be honest with me.”

She smiled. It wouldn’t work with Lila - whatever her issues were, they were too deep for just reaching out a hand in kindness and understanding to work, there needed to be something more - but she admired that he tried. His kindness and understanding, his willingness to reach out were part of the reason she’d fallen in love with him after all. 

The first day she met him - well, met him as a civilian - she’d jumped to conclusions and accused him of something he didn’t do, not letting him explain. But still, he didn’t get upset at her. He just caught up with her later, explaining as sincerely as he could that he didn’t do it, even showing a vulnerable piece of himself to her, telling her how he’d never had friends before, how new it was to him.

In that moment when she’d caught a glimpse of his heart, he’d captured her own.

Lila didn’t take it well. “Are you trying to be some superhero lecturing me just like Ladybug did? Well thanks, but no thanks. Ugh.” She stormed off.

Adrien called after her. “I'm still here if you need help catching up with your schoolwork!”

“Ugh! He was NICE to her. He should’ve called her out for her stunts, for her persecution of us. He should’ve torn her to shreds!”

“Did he even realize she was targeting us? He only saw that bit at the beginning with the seat rearrangement and with how surprised he looked when offering to move to the back instead didn’t work, I don’t think he figured out the true cause of conflict.”

“He should have at least been filled with righteous fury about her lies, same as us! But he lets her get away with them instead!”

She frowned. “Let her get away with them? He asked her not to lie anymore and encouraged her not to.”

“But he didn’t publicly tear her down and expose her in front of everyone!”

“He’s not that sort of person, especially when he doesn’t even know she’s intentionally malicious. It sounds like he honestly just thinks she needs friends.”

‘Marinette’ muttered a bit and fast-forwarded. 

The class gathered around Lila again, listening to her tales.

“Of course Ladybug saved my life. She never misses an opportunity to rescue her best friends.”

“Didn't your tinnitus give you vertigo when you went up the Eiffel Tower?” Max asked her inquiringly.

At least Max was asking questions.

“Oh no. Ladybug knows me so well that she brought me an earplug to stick in my right ear.”

Watching from several meters away, Marinette perked up “Right ear?! Did she say right ear?! This morning she said that the ringing was in her left ear! I've got her this time!”

Same as what went down in her own universe then, except she said it instead of Alya. 

And judging by Adrien’s expression, his response was likely to be similar.

“Are you going to tell everyone?”

Yep. She figured as much.

Marinette seemed baffled. “'Course I am. Lila is—”

“A liar. Yes, I know. But do you really think exposing her will make things better? If you humiliate her, she'll just be hurt more. Making a bad guy suffer has never turned them into a good guy.”

Not that different from her own universe, but there, she could say his way of thinking was understandable but flawed, considering what he went through with his father. It was just flawed in trying to apply that same mindset to the Lila situation.

Here, she wasn’t sure she could even say it was flawed from what he knew of the situation. He didn’t know she was an active threat, and while she’d told some tall tales and taken advantage of people’s kindness, inconveniencing them, she hadn’t actively, obviously hurt someone that he’d be aware of. In her own universe she'd been afraid of Lila making outlandish promises that hurt people greatly when they fell through, but that never actually came to fruition. She made up stories for prestige, but not much more than that. They were keeping an eye on that situation though, or at least, Alya and Nino were.

Lila continued spinning her lies. “Ladybug and I are like two peas in a pod!”

“So we just stand by and let her lie?”

“As long as you and I both know the truth, does it really matter?”

Marinette turned back to look at Lila and smiled, expression softening. “You're right, maybe it's not such a big deal.”

‘Marinette’ paused the video, her face stormy. “He sided with HER, with just letting her bully and terrorize and even STOPPED US FROM STOPPING HER! HE WAS ACTUALLY OKAY WITH LETTING HER CONTINUE HURTING US AND THE PEOPLE AROUND HER! HE’S THE REASON SHE’S ALLOWED TO RUN FREE! HE HAS THE TOOLS TO STOP HER AND DIDN’T DO IT AND DIDN’T EVEN STEP OUT OF THE WAY AND LET US TRY TO PUBLICLY HUMILIATE AND SHAME HER AGAIN! HIS NEGLIGENCE MAKES HIM RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THE HARM SHE COULD CAUSE!”

“I don’t think pointing out the inconsistency with the tinnitus would’ve worked considering how she’s deflected and explained every other inconsistency. It’d probably just made us look bad like in the lunchroom. Plus… well, he still just thinks we’re upset because she’s a liar. He doesn’t know she threatened us. He doesn’t know she’s dangerous.”

She frowned to herself. “And that second bit… what’re you talking about? I mean, I guess maybe if he recounted his first run-in with Lila and my going off on her, MAYBE that’d make people think twice about trusting her, but… that doesn’t mean he’s responsible for what she does. He’s not her keeper. He barely even knows her.”

“BUT HE COULD’VE WEAKENED HER INFLUENCE! HE COULD’VE TOLD EVERYONE THAT LADYBUG WASN’T HER FRIEND AND THAT SHE’S A LIAR!”

Well he could’ve, but-

“And because he didn’t, it makes HIM responsible for everything she does after that, for everything she MIGHT do!”

“...So let me get this straight. Because he didn’t expose her as lying about being Ladybug’s best friend, that means he’s responsible for what she does?”

“Exactly!”

“That still would’ve been a ‘he said, she said’ situation, though with both Adrien and I saying the same thing, I GUESS it would’ve lent more weight to it, but… it still wouldn’t prove we were right, and she could’ve said we misunderstood. We’d both know that was BS, but it’s not like we could prove it.

Plus, if we’re talking about people who had the potential to expose Lila by calling her out on her Ladybug lie, do you know who could’ve ALSO done that? Me. Which I did back when I first met her. It didn’t go well. But I could still do it AGAIN, just transforming later and telling everyone that I’d heard she was lying about my being her friend, and incontrovertibly prove that she’s a fraud. Adrien doing it by talking about what I said would just give her room to wiggle out of it. Ultimately if I really wanted and needed to disprove that she’s my friend, I’M the best one to do that, not Adrien.”

“But it’s his job, it’s EVERYONE’S job to be thinking only of our needs and wants and desires at all points in time, to help and support us and just know that anything we want to do is right no matter what! HE JUST ABANDONED US AND LEFT US OUT TO DRYYYYYY!”

“...Really?”

“Yes!”

Somehow she doubted it.

Also, WOW was her doppelganger narcissistic. Don’t get her wrong, she needed love and support and to be listened to as much as anyone, but the world didn’t revolve around her. 

That was fine. She had plenty of people who cared about her. Her parents. Her friends. Her partner. If they knew she needed it, they were there for her. She may not be literally their only consideration in life, but she was high up on their priority lists. 

Everyone filed into the classroom, Marinette taking her new seat at the back of the class. 

Adrien gazed up at her, giving her a fond, loving smile.

Oh.

Oh she was gonna die.

That LOOK, that SMILE… 

He may not have known she was Ladybug. May not have known he loved her romantically.

But with that look? His heart always knew.

He walked up the stairs over to Marinette, who was still in the back row.

“Good for you for taking the high road, Marinette. Hey, it's pretty cool back here.”

He sat down next to her, Marinette grinning at him and giggling.

“Oh he’s congratulating us on taking the HIGH ROAD, after he EMOTIONALLY BLACKMAILED US INTO IT?! THAT SELF-RIGHTEOUS PRICK! Oh no, I won’t go HIGH. Let’s see how low and dirty I can go. Turnabout’s fair play, and with how awful, how mean, how malicious and cruel everyone was to us, EVERYTHING IS FAIR PLAY.”

...Had her copy watched the same thing play out that she did? 

Seriously, what the hell?

Or maybe she just wanted to hurt everyone else so badly she didn’t care how flimsy the justification was.

Whatever. 

Turning back to the screen, she had to smile. 

In her universe Alya’d arranged it so she and Adrien would sit next to each other.

Here? Adrien just decided that he wouldn’t leave her alone on his own. That he wanted to be with her, to keep her company, to make sure she wasn’t isolated.

She might’ve refused his offer to move before, but that hadn’t stopped him from trying to find some way to make the situation better for her, to keep her from being lonely and isolated like he was for so long.

The teacher called several students names, including Marinette’s, but she was so zoned out from her fantasies and anxieties about her and Adrien getting to spend more time together she didn’t notice.

Eventually, Adrien got her attention.

“Marinette, Miss Bustier's called your name three times already.”

“Oh…” she grinned anxiously, giving out a nervous giggle.

“Looks like you have trouble hearing after all, Marinette. Why don't you come sit up here in the front row next to Lila?” Miss Bustier told her.

So the reason Miss Bustier moved the seats definitely had to do with accessibility then; if a student had trouble hearing, she wanted them closer to help with that even if they hadn’t expressed that need. She was serious in the beginning then when asking her whether she had trouble hearing, it wasn’t some sort of gotcha but a sincere question, and one that prompted her to rethink the seating arrangement when it appeared she did in fact need to be closer to the front of the classroom.

Sucked for that Marinette though, getting to be right next to Adrien and then having it ripped away a minute later. 

Marinette trudged dejectedly to the front of the class.

Before she could make it there, Lila raised her hand. “Miss Bustier, this is incredible. My tinnitus, I don't feel it anymore. It's gone. it's a miracle. It must be Ladybug's doing, I can sit in the back now.”

“That is so STUPID! Miss Bustier should be fired and the rest of the class should be ashamed of themselves for believing something as dumb as that.”

“...Lila’s told some dumb lies, but that isn’t one of them. They don’t know exactly how Ladybug’s magic works. Heck, even I don’t know everything about it. It’s not totally crazy to think that after purifying her, it might’ve cured her tinnitus as well.”

Marinette sat in the front, staring down sadly.

Alya put up her hand. “Excuse me, Miss Bustier, can I go and sit next to Marinette? Nino and I can't stop chatting it up.”

Miss Bustier nodded. 

Alya slipped into the seat next to Marinette. “You didn't think I'd let my BFF sit all by herself, did you?”

“BUT SHE DID! FOR! AN! ENTIRE! CLASS! SESSION!”

“I think she realized between how upset I was at the cafeteria and my body language as I walked down to the front that this was REALLY getting to me. She may not have thought about it when the seats were first rearranged.”

Her heart warmed. Alya tended to have a one-track mind, to go full steam ahead and not fully realize the consequences.

But if she realized there was a problem, that someone was hurting and needed help? She’d change course.

Alya had defended her against Chloe on her first day of school, knowing nothing but that she needed help, needed comfort, needed support. 

And here she was again, doing what she could to give her that support as best she knew how.

Adrien put up his hand. “Excuse me Miss Bustier, can I move, too, please? I'd like to sit next to Nino again.” She smiled, affirming that he could. 

Adrien stood up and walked to the front. “Sorry Lila, he's my best friend.”

That started a chain reaction, with everyone asking for their old seats back and the class going back to how it was - except for Lila, who stayed in the back.

The screen turned black. 

“So everything went back to the way it was at the end?”

‘Marinette’ glared at her. “Yes, but everything everyone else did was so AWFUL, so UNFORGIVABLE that it doesn’t matter. THE SEATS MAY BE BACK TO NORMAL, BUT MY PAIN LIVES ON!”

Eyes narrowing, her double marched over to her, getting up in her face. “I don’t get it. Why don’t you share my hatred of them? My disdain? You saw what they did.”

She just sighed. 

“Looking at it, that day wasn’t great for that version of me. It would’ve hurt, knowing I had a good reason to dislike Lila, even to hate her, and everyone else just seeing me lashing out at her for no good reason, not knowing that she’d targeted me on purpose. Especially with Lila’s threat and dealing with that alone. I can see why that version of me would be so frustrated with her, especially having to watch her lie, KNOWING she’s lying, with only Adrien knowing about it!

It would’ve been stressful. But at the end of the day? Adrien tried to make things easier. Alya asked to change seats since she saw I needed the company. And no one held any of that against me - well, besides Lila I’m guessing. 

Maybe some things could’ve been better. But I’m not unhappy with how things turned out - especially since my friends supported me in their own ways, even if it didn’t involve lashing out against a threat that they didn’t even KNOW was a real threat.”

She felt a weird sense of peace. This whole time part of her had been nagging and nagging, wondering what could possibly have pushed this being over the edge, what could have caused her to hate Alya, to hate Adrien, to hate so many other people she cared about in her life. To want to hurt and warp them to persuade others to hate them as well. Wondered whether it was the sort of event that could have warped herself even remotely like her doppelganger was. 

Seeing the events she pointed to as the reasons to hate them? Knowing what justifications she used? 

She would not, could not become like this false self. This facade built from self-righteousness, arrogance, and complete self-centeredness.

She wouldn’t pretend that she didn’t possess any of those qualities at all - most people had some, that was healthy to an extent.

But she’d never go as far, have them be as unchecked as in her doppelganger.

Her friends had already seen that, had believed it in full.

And she did as well.

“If this is your trump card? It’s not going to work. Show me as many other scenes as you like. Try to tell me I should hate and despise my friends, should want to hurt them as much as you want. 

I will NEVER be like you.

So either we can do this again and again, over and over, as many times as it takes for you to give up.

Or you can let me and my friends go.”

Her imposter gave her a hard look. It didn’t do much to intimidate her. Basically the only facial expressions she seemed to have were ‘anger and disgust, mostly related to supposedly being wronged somehow’ and ‘joy over getting to see other people hurt’, so she’d rather the former than the latter.

She held her gaze for what could’ve been two minutes or two hours, time stretching out between them.

At last, ‘Marinette’ shook her head. “You’re making a mistake. They’ll hurt you. Try to break you. Won’t give you what you deserve.”

“It’s not about what I ‘deserve’. It’s about what I need.

Maybe our relationships will get messy. Maybe we’ll have fights. Maybe we’ll make mistakes and get hurt.

But that’s a risk I’m willing to take. 

Because they’re worth fighting for.”

‘Marinette’ raised her hand, not breaking eye contact.

And snapped her fingers. 

The world exploded.

Went black.

And then there was nothing at all.

-----------------------------

(A/N) It was really important to me that even with Saltinette being the villain here, that she NOT be harmed. It'd feel too much like taking my frustration out on Marinette herself. Though I DID consider having Marinette punch Saltinette as an "affirmation of self" sort of thing, but decided against it.

But uh... yeah. Really breaking down Chameleon salt, when looking at the episode that spawned it, most of it doesn't really hold up very well. The whole "Adrien's responsible for Lila getting away with her lies" thing especially bothers me, since well. Marinette's far better able to take her down for her lies about her friendship with well, herself, and with easily being able to come up with excuses for why she's interfering, with saying that it's dangerous for a civilian to claim affiliation with her. Never really understood why she DIDN'T take Alya aside and tell her that at least, besides "plot convenience".

Most of Marinette's actions during Chameleon make sense considering what she knows at the time, and even her more overzealous actions are understandable with how ticked off she is (and for good reason). But to an outside observer who doesn't know everything she does? Not so much.

[miracalicethebookgirl]

The Phony and the Famous Pt. 3

AO3 

Pt 1. Pt 2. 

Summary: Lila spreads lies about being famous with worldwide connections to increase her local popularity. She’s confident that Marinette will never be able to prove otherwise. What she, and even Marinette herself, don’t realize is that Marinette won’t have to do any of that to come out on top. - A story in which everything Lila lies about, Marinette turns into reality for herself, usually unknowingly (our girl is quite the lucky one, after all).

“Yes, I suffer from tinnitus, a constant ringing in my left ear. I've had it ever since the sound of an airplane engine burst my eardrum on the runway when I was saving Jagged Stone's lost kitten.”

Season 3, “Chameleon”

... 

Fang was a simple creature.

He was hatched straight into the hands of the human he now called his owner and raised among those who often cowered from him. Very rarely did a human try to test Fang’s temper, so he grew up rather tame. His owner fed him well and presented him with many interesting gifts, most of which were quickly chewed through within days, if not hours. When Fang was not feeding or playing (or taking delightful baths), he would walk with and rest near and carefully watch his owner, for Jagged was a human worth Fang’s avid attention.

He could see when his owner was happy and content. It happened most when Jagged’s frequent companion—that human with the clipboard in her hands and the phone to hear ear, “Penny” she was called—would smile at him. It was even easier to tell when his owner was irritated and upset. Such moments were less frequent but still happened once or twice a week. Fang was now very accustomed to emitting a loud hiss on sight of the annoying man with the sunglasses and clanky jewelry.

And so Fang had his routine. Eat, play with his owner, sleep, growl happily at Jagged and his friends, hiss at the rabble, lounge in the bath, repeat (some steps more often than others).

Sure, Fang was unusual for a crocodile, but he was still a simple creature.

…

There was one girl who Fang recently began to see often. She was one of the few he was happy to ask for pets from, considering his owner always shouted happily when he saw her.

His owner called the girl “Marinette” or something of the like, but Fang thought her name should be Treats because she typically brought a box of cookies with her on her visits. Normally Fang wouldn’t care for human foods, but ever since the girl began bringing a variety of meaty snacks for Fang along with the cookies, the crocodile learned to become just as excited by her presence as his owner.

She was also very kind to Fang. Sure, she was reluctant to approach him at first as most humans do, but Fang understood that was how humans protected themselves. It proved she was a cautious one, yet also a brave and understanding one when Fang noticed that over time she became more comfortable with him, allowing him to nuzzle against her legs and growl in joy before climbing atop some furniture to beg for treats.

So one day, it was with little fuss that Fang allowed himself to be led out of the usual hotel by Treats. As a crocodile, he understood just enough that he would be in her care for the day.

Together, they walked down the streets of Paris. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping and nearby humans consistently gave them a wide berth on the sidewalk with horror on their faces. Just how Fang liked it.

He prided himself on being able to keep the massive crowds away from his owner when they traveled around the world. Under Fang’s watch, not once did a “rabid fan” lay their hands on even the hair from his owner’s head.

Well…except for that one time one of those “fans” managed to zap Fang with a bright light, thus sending the crocodile to some empty white place.

But that was neither here nor there.

Treats was watching Fang for the day, yes, but that also meant Fang would watch out for her.

“Wow, Marinette! You weren’t kidding when you said you were pet-sitting a crocodile today!”

And there it was. The first test.

As soon as the two of them entered a park through its gated entrance, a tall boy came running at them, followed by a few others. Fang was quick to intercept as he maneuvered himself in front of Treats and snapped his jaw in the air once. The boy instantly recoiled.

“Whoa!”

“Sorry, Kim! Fang doesn’t like it when strangers come too close.”

“Unsurprising. Crocodiles tend to get aggressive when their space is invaded and considering their large size, that space can span a couple meters radius from their body. I can’t quite tell if Fang is of the freshwater or saltwater variety, but I can tell you that 95% of attacks on humans are caused by provocation no matter what species the crocodile is.”

“That’s a pretty good explanation. Thank you, Max,” Treats said as she bent down to pat Fang’s head. “Fang is just really protective of his owner and it extends to other people he likes. It takes some time for him to know a person so best to keep your distance for today.”

The first boy slumped. “Aw, man.”

Fang turned his snout away. That was the human’s problem. No way was Fang going to let his guard down just from some pitiful look.

By then, more young humans had gathered around but stayed far away, much to Fang’s satisfaction. They seemed to be friends with Treats, judging by her easy smile as she conversed with them, so he figured he’d keep his hissing to a minimum.

The afternoon passed peacefully in the park. Treats’ friends came and went without bothering Fang much as he lounged in a sunpatch.

He kept a watchful eye on one boy, though, who seemed a little too familiar with the girl. When the boy placed a hand on her shoulder, Fang let out a quiet warning hiss only to be met by a short hiss from the boy himself. It was oddly high for a human and the others didn’t seem to hear. Fang retaliated by crawling over and draping himself over Treats’ lap.

She let out an indignant squawk but Fang ignored it, reptilian eyes focused on the boy who had smartly moved away when Fang had approached. All the boy could do then was narrow his eyes at the crocodile momentarily before his face smoothed over and he went back to smiling at Treats.

If his cold-blooded body had allowed it, Fang would have scoffed.

Crocodiles may be simple creatures. But cats were even more so.

…

At some point, Fang became hungry.

He plodded a circle around Treats, who by then had moved to sitting on a bench as she struck up conversation with more friends. He rumbled and groaned for attention, which she was quick to give, and he delicately snapped his jaws at her to indicate his hunger.

“Oh, no! That alligator is about to eat Marinette!” came a shrieking from the distance.

Fang’s jaws clamped shut as he was quick to look for said alligator so he could fight it. Maybe he could make a meal out of it because such a scuffle would take a lot of him.

He was ignorant to the random screaming that erupted from all around the park while Treats’ friends spread out to try and calm people. Fang huffed.

Seriously, how was he supposed to find the alligator with all the chaos?

He turned back to Treats to see her glaring at another human girl. Ah, this must be another test. Perhaps the girl cried alligator as a ruse to distract Fang.

“No, really!” the girl continued. “I’ve seen rabid reptiles before and this one just isn’t safe! They latch onto one prey and they’ll keep on chasing no matter what you do! We have to get Marinette away from that alligator!”

Humans around the park hadn’t stopped running every which way while Treats’ friends looked on uncertainly. It confused Fang, because he still did not know what alligator the girl was screaming about. So he simply plodded closer to Treats and nuzzled her leg, hoping she would clear things up for him.

She must’ve understood crocodile language because thankfully her next words cleared things up for everyone.

“Lila!” Treats shouted reproachfully. “You need to be quiet for five seconds so I can explain to you and everyone else in this park that it’s all a misunderstanding. I am absolutely safe right where I am!” Her expression reminded Fang of when Penny would stand up eerily straight with a glare and somehow tower over his owner despite being much shorter. Needless to say, the posture and tone got the girl to shut up just as quick as Jagged would.

Treats marched over to this “Lila” and Fang was quick to follow. At least until Treats turned back to him and kindly motioned him to stay. Fang was a good crocodile so he did as he was told. The friends kept their distance.

“Now listen here, Lila,” she started off quietly once she stood just a meter away from the girl. “I need you to remain calm because panic from you and panic from everyone else is not going to solve anything. Fang is a completely tame crocodile and though he might look threatening, he knows better than to attack anyone. In fact he’s lived with humans his entire life.”

Fang nodded in satisfaction. He understood now that the girl thought he was the alligator. How silly. But an unfortunately common mistake.

The other humans seemed to share the same sentiment. Many of them nodded and smiled in relief. The Lila girl however, notably did not look reassured. If anything, she looked about ready to burst into tears.

“But Marinette! I thought you knew that I’m deathly afraid of crocodiles. I was traumatized as a child when I had to save baby flamingos from a herd of them in Africa!” And then she covered her eyes with her hands and actually started to cry. “How could you ignore that and do this to me!” she wailed.

Okay, Fang felt kind of bad at this point. He was sure Treats would never purposefully scare someone but he didn’t want to stick around any longer if a human was so terrified of him.

A few of Treats’ friends rushed over to the crying girl and tried to comfort her but they also defended Treats.

“I’m sure Marinette didn’t mean any harm!”

“Yeah, she didn’t even know most of us would be at the park today.”

“Come on, Lila, maybe we should get you home?”

Treats herself took a step back to let the others surround Lila. She held a frown on her face but said, “If Lila needs some time to calm down then Fang and I will head out first. Better to take away the cause of her trauma immediately, right? Besides, it’s about time we get him back to Jagged anyway.”

Some heads perked up at that.

The cat-boy from earlier, who stood apart from the crowd (and noticeably much closer to Treats) had a little glint in his eye. “That’s right! Fang is Jagged Stone’s beloved pet crocodile. Pretty neat that you were the first person he thought of to pet-sit for him. He must trust you a lot.”

Lila had been taken to sit at a far off bench by then, but Fang’s crocodile senses allowed him to hear that her sobbing had stopped and surprisingly a low growl had replaced it. One glance at her and he could spot the fury and shock in her eyes, unseen by anyone else.

If Fang had eyebrows he’d have raised them so high up. He settled for a confused hiss.

He really wished humans were simpler creatures.

Most of Treats’ friends wandered back to them after seeing that Lila had calmed down considerably and they excitedly began to ask Treats questions about Fang’s owner.

She just raised her hands up placatingly and shook her head, insisting that she get Fang back to the hotel to avoid any other mishaps. It made Fang a little sad to go back indoors so soon, but he didn’t put up a fuss. He just waited patiently as Treats finally turned around to walk over to him.

However, as soon as she looked in Fang’s direction, Treats’ eyes widened and she screamed his name. Almost too fast for his eyes to follow, she sprinted towards him before scooping his entire body into her arms and lifting him above her head.

Nobody moved for several seconds as a large runaway food cart went speeding through the exact spot Fang had been in.

The cart crashed into a nearby tree and a man—probably the owner—rushed by in distress, a constant stream of apologies spilling out of his mouth.

Fang felt himself being lowered to the ground. When he turned to look at Treats, he saw that everyone looked as gobsmacked as he felt, even the heroic girl herself.

“Holy kwami,” Fang barely heard cat-boy say under his breath. The sound of his whisper seemed to break the group out of their trance.

“DC, that was insane!” shouted the tall boy from before. “You just deadlifted a massive beast! Max, how heavy was that?!”

“U-uh, let’s see. Based on Fang’s size, he could be anywhere from 80 to 85 kg (approx. 175-188 lbs).”

“She reacted so fast I didn’t even see her move!”

“My girl’s always been on another level. Guess I didn’t realize how much until now.”

“Marinette saved Fang’s life! Ooh, we’ve got to post this!”

While her friends continued to chatter in amazement among themselves, Treats didn’t even notice them. She merely stared at Fang in relief before she patted him on the head. He looked up at her in question.

“I’m glad you’re alright,” she sighed and slumped forward. “That was way too close.”

Fang was sure he could have handled it just fine, but was thankful nonetheless. He showed his gratitude by giving a low grumble and nuzzling her hand.

Soon the other humans finally calmed down, allowing Treats and Fang to leave the park. Treats herself seemed paranoid on the walk back, looking every which way to make sure danger didn’t come flying at them again. Meanwhile Fang made sure she didn’t accidentally walk into a busy road or run into objects.

They met with Jagged and Penny back in the hotel suite and were immediately brought into a group hug by the man.

“Marinette, your rock n’ roll heroic deed went viral and it’s all anyone’s been talking about for the past hour. I may have written a song about Ladybug and Chat Noir but I think I’m gonna dedicate it to everyday heroes like you, next time I perform it!”

The girl stuttered out some response while his owner kept shouting happily about this and that. Fang ignored it and ambled over to the couch to take a nap, something he felt he earned after such an exciting day.

He was a simple creature after all.

[himbowelsh]

Hi! I wanted to ask if you could do the Valentine's A-Z thing for Smokey. If you're uninspired, it's totally fine if you don't, though!! :) in case you do, thank you very much!^^

valentines day alphabet  ( accepting! )

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

He’s a very demonstrative person who’s not shy about his physicality, and most at ease around people who are able to take it; sometimes Smokey can even be thoughtless with touch, because he doles it out so casually. he loves to be touched in return, relishing the reassurance it provides   ---   Smokey’s just not someone who enjoys being alone for too long, so brushing shoulders and wrapping arms around people chases those feelings of loneliness away.

B   :   BOUQUET.   does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

He’s actually very good at picking out just the right bouquet for the occasion! His twin sister has a passion for flowers, so Smokey had to learn, okay?Flowers really aren’t that confusing, once you know how to take care of them. He’s no gardener, but could definitely keep plants alive if he tried.

C   :   CHOCOLATE.   does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

He’s a casual fan. While he won’t buy it for himself, if someone gives it as a gift  ---  or a bribe  ---  he’ll gladly accept.

D   :   DATE.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

He wants to take something completely casual and turn it into something semi-illegal. Let’s go to the movies and try to break into the projector booth, just to see if it’s possible. Best seats in the house! Let’s see if we can “accidentally” get locked in a department store overnight, and run around bouncing on beds and doing weird things in the dressing rooms. Smokey can make most casual things a lot of fun, but he thrives in situations on just the right side of absurd. He’d love a partner who can liven up even the most mundane date! (And hopefully rein him in from doing anything too wild.) 

E   :   EMBRACE.   does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

Again  ----  very driven by physical contact, very liberal giving it out. Smokey hugs like it’s going out of style. He rubs people’s backs, claps their shoulders a bit, sometimes blows in their ear to make them jump...  he’s got a different hug for every occasion.

F   :   FLIRT.   is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

A very playful flirt, with a collection of pickup lines ranging from inspired to creatively-terrifying.

G   :   GIFT.   is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

He thinks he’s great at gift-giving. Plenty of people who’ve received gifts from him would beg to disagree. And beg to be able to return the thing. (“Why the hell do I need a Dick Tracy lunchbox, Smokey, I’m a grown-ass man  ---”)  Always gives his gifts with the utmost confidence, even if it’s not something any sane person would want.

H   :   HEART.   is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

He definitely needs the right incentive, with the right partner...  but that doesn’t take much. Truth is, Smokey falls in love fast. Once he’s in, he’s in, and it’s not easy to shatter his affections.

I    :   I LOVE YOU.   does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

Gah, he loves saying it. If he’s in the right mood, he’ll say it twenty times in a day, just because he loves hearing it. When it comes to love, he’s very verbally demonstrative, as well as physically. Saying the Three Big Words isn’t a big deal to Smokey, because by the time he says them, he knows he means it   ----   not like there’s any point holding them back. He’ll be the first to say it in a relationship  (and might hold his breath until his partner says it back, but he’s willing to wait all year).

J   :   JEALOUSY.   does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

Nah, not really. He’s a confident guy, and that confidence extends to his partner   ---   he’s fully confident they’d never do anything to hurt him. And...  honestly, Smokey’s got a wide circle of friends who he’s very affectionate with, so seeing the same behavior from his partner wouldn’t raise any red flags for him at all.

K   :   KISS.   is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

Smokey is the world’s biggest tease  ---   a very playful kisser, who enjoys stringing his partner along after him. He loves pulling someone close, his arm wrapping around their back completely, a hand cupping their head; he’ll angle them slightly backwards, leaning into the kiss as his mouth finds a rhythm against their own. Slight grazes of teeth and tongue, just enough to leave them tense in his grasp, eager for more...  and then he’ll pull away with a broad grin on his face, inviting them to come get it. Very into love nips, but will pull unexpectedly tender kisses seemingly out of nowhere.

L   :   LOVE.   who does your muse love?

He’s got a lot of love to give, and when it comes to the people he cares about, Smokey loves fiercely. Probably the most important person in his life is his twin sister, Cleta, who he adores; then his parents; then all his friends, who he’d hide a body for without question; and his family should he ever start one, would immediately move to the top of the list.

M   :   MOONLIGHT.   is morning or night a more romantic setting?

He tends to get in a weirdly touchy/romantic mood anywhere around 1 - 3am, aka the hours when any sane person just wants to sleep. He’s tired too, and he knows his partner is, but when the mood strikes...

N   :   NAUGHTY.   what is your muse like in bed?

Smokey is a very attentive lover. He does not work on instinct; it’s all observation, keeping track of what his partner responds to best. Do they shiver when he nips them here? Groan when his tongue does that right there? Very interesting. He files it all away for later, stocking up an arsenal of how best to drive his partner wild. And what a tease  ---   he’ll bring his partner to the brink, only to pull them right back, so many times that they can actually get angry at him. Fisting a hand in his curls and pulling is a guaranteed way to get him compliant; he’s very sensitive at his hips, and will turn to putty if his partner directs their attentions there. 

O   :   ODE.   does your muse have a way with words?

You know he does, baby, you know he does. One of his favorite hobbies is writing long-winded poems just to troll people, but Smokey has also tried his hand at writing short stories before. Love poetry is very different  ---  much more intimate  ---  but Smokey’s sharp enough to do anything if he puts his mind to it, so he’d give it a shot.

P   :   PARTNER.   what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

Smokey wants someone with a bright personality   ----   someone who lights up every room, with a quick wit and sharp mind. They don’t need to be a social butterfly, just to entertain him; he likes to be kept on his toes. Someone with a great sense of humor, and a great laugh. Someone who loves to read, because so does he, and they can talk about books for hours; someone who makes good coffee in the mornings, and that’s crucial. Smokey really just needs someone who can bounce off of him, take a joke, and make him smile even when it seems the hardest thing in the world. 

Q   :   QUESTION.   would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

If you don’t think this man will plan an elaborate proposal   ---   he’d do the most elaborate thing. He’s probably brainstormed wild proposals long before he even met his partner, just because he figured he’d have to do it someday, and wanted to be ready. Smokey would find some insane way to propose, like on the top of a roller coaster or via skywriting airplane,just to see if he could pull it off. And if it doesn’t, he has no qualms with finding another way, and proposing all over again.

R   :   ROMANCE.   is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

He’s got a super romantic heart, and is 100% willing to laugh at his own optimism. That doesn’t make it any less genuine, or make him any less eager to find love.

S   :   SWEETHEART.   did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

His sister went through a phase when she wanted to get married, and poor Smokey was the nearest boy she could rope into playing the Wedding game with her. She got her best dress out, a little bouquet of flowers, forced Smokey to make a ring out of an old bottle cap for her...  then, somehow, a bunch of other neighborhood girls got involved. Smokey ended up with six wives, including his sister. None of them wanted anything to do with him by next week. He’s 90% sure none of those marriages are valid today.

T   :   TRUE LOVE.   does your muse believe in true love?

Sure he does! When he meets the right person, Smokey’s determined  ---  that’s going to be it. He’ll be sold. He’ll know them, he’ll love them, and the rest of his life will just be getting to show them. He’s definitely idealized romance in his head, but that’s just because he really wants to fall deeply in love with someone.

U   :   UNREQUITED.   has your muse had their heart broken?

Smokey’s not the type to be completely shattered by a failed romance, even if it were one that meant a lot to him. Something like...  losing someone he loves without warning, or having them die too soon...  that’s the sort of thing capable of breaking his heart.

V   :   VALENTINE.   how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

It’s a fun night, and he’ll spoil his partner any way they want, but he loves using it as an opportunity to come up with dates no one else would think of. Who else would spend Valentine’s Day renting horses to ride, or going to a haunted house?

W  :   WEDDING.   would your muse get married? why / why not?

Yes! Please marry him! He wants it bad! He’ll ask a dozen times  ---  once he loves someone, he wants nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with them. Marriage sounds like a dream.

X   :   XOXO.   does your muse use / like pet names?

Oh, absolutely! He’ll make lists, just brainstorming as many as he can think of, and leave them lying around the house for his partner to find; he’ll bounce a few off of them, just to see how they’ll work.   (“honeycakes, what are you  ---  no, that doesn’t work, does it?”  // “hey, sugarpuss--” “NOPE.”) Nicknames are a sport for Smokey, and he plays to win.

Y   :   YOURS.   does your muse get protective easily?

Smokey has a very short list of people he’d go ride-or-die for. It includes his sister, his mom, a few close friends, and his partner. Once they’re on that list, no one gets to hurt them, ever.

Z   :   ZZZ.   how many people has your muse slept with?

Honestly, it’s all about finding takers. Smokey’s not shy, but wasn’t exactly rolling in girlfriends back home. Overseas, it’s easier. If asked, he’d probably quote a number much higher than the actual amount.