#i need to make sure I'm not spending too much time

[taffywabbit]

taffy, do you have any tips on how to get motivation to draw when adhd makes focusing or even just starting on it hard?

youre one of my favorite artists and hearing you have adhd too made me feel a bit better abt my struggles with it

hmmm. I mean even after I started finally getting medicated for it I still struggled with this so I don't know if I have any GREAT tips lol, but here's some stuff that seems to help me:

- keep a list somewhere of ideas you wanna draw or techniques/styles you wanna practice or whatever, so you can add stuff to the list whenever you randomly think of it

- find ways to get yourself into Art Focus Mode, like a flow state or hyperfocus or whatever. for me that usually means making sure my water is full, eating a snack, wrapping my lower body in a blanket (my apartment is always a little chilly), and either joining a discord call with some friends (often screensharing so I feel sorta accountable if I get distracted and stop drawing) or just closing social media tabs and pulling up music/video essays/stream VODs/etc. the point of any of this is largely to make it harder to randomly get up and do other stuff if I don't actually need to. I'm at my desk and I'm drawing, it's happening, I'm locking in

- if you have something you NEED to draw (like me with commission work) and you can't find the motivation to just jump into that right away, this is where your list comes in. look at it and find something that currently interests you to draw (either fully or at least just starting it) and try drawing that first for a bit. then once you're kinda already in the art mindset, you can pivot over to the Art Task and it's usually a bit easier than jumping in raw. (setting a timer may also be helpful if you find your warmup drawings end up going on too long)

- this one might be a bit more of a me thing and specific to my workflow, but I also like keeping a little stopwatch app in the corner of my screen while I'm working so I know how long I've been drawing for. it's good for keeping track of how long I spend on commissions relative to how much I'm getting paid so I stay roughly within my "time budget", but it's more immediately helpful for just making sure I take breaks when I notice I've been working for a couple hours already. taking breaks often feels counterintuitive to the whole process of trying to induce hyperfocus, but you GOTTA take them or your bones will explode, so make them structured and make them count. get a snack, walk around, stretch, whatever you gotta do, and then restart the process and get back to drawing (and remember to unpause your timer lol)

that's all I can think of right now! hopefully some of this is helpful!

[thesvnandthemooon]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤

a/n: ——

summary: natasha romanoff x female!reader. based on the movie “the notebook”; you’re allie, nat’s noah

warnings: light smut—fingering (r receiving), weapons (is this something i need to mention? idk lol)

word count: 7k

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5

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Natasha meeting your family was not on your list of priorities.

In fact, imagining her at dinner with your parents or in your grandparents' living room was enough to make you shudder. The mere idea of her chatting with your mother over a cup of coffee?

Horrendous. A nightmare.

You try to keep her a secret. Your secret. Your summer love, your escape from reality, your something so impossibly out of place in the world you grew up in you're not even sure she's real.

But then, she's leaning against the gate of your grandparents' house again. You'd recognize the red hair and black leather jacket from a mile away. The way she sticks out in the uniform, boring normalcy of your neighborhood is almost offensive.

"No, no, no", you mutter under your breath, throwing the door open. You fly down the stairs and run up to her, silently praying nobody will see you. You grab her arm and yank her away from the gate. "You can't be serious right now-"

"Y/N", your father suddenly calls. You stiffen. "Who's that?"

Slowly, you turn around. Natasha follows your gaze until she's met with the sight of your father. It takes all of her strength not to crack a grin — the ironed pastel polo, the khakis, the loafers that look like he's never walked on actual grass. Way too pristine for a casual evening at home.

You elbow her side when you notice how she raises her eyebrows, but her expression doesn't waver.

"A friend", you say awkwardly, tugging at her arm again. She ignores you. "We're just, uhm..."

"Going for a ride", Natasha finishes unhelpfully.

"Around town."

"Maybe get some ice cream."

"No booze", you add. Your father stares at you, his expression both stoic and amused. "Even though I, uhm, technically-"

"Alright", he finally cuts you off. "What's going on? Is this a date?"

Your face flushes at the blunt question. If he figures this out, you're doomed — your parents insist on meeting every person you go out with. Then, they subject them to scrutiny sharper than police officers grilling suspects. Passing that test is nearly impossible.

You know better than to hope for their approval, especially when it comes to Natasha.

"No!", you blurt out. "She's just- we-"

"I'm a friend", she says, pinching your side. The noise you let out is completely undignified, but at least you stop rambling incoherent nonsense. "Nothing to worry about, sir."

"Right", your father says slowly. He lets his eyes run up and down your body, from head to toe, assessing your appearance. You didn't dress casually, and you know it. His eyes narrow. "Well, if you're going to spend time together, you should come in and introduce her. It's almost dinner time anyway. How does pot roast sound?"

She's enjoying your discomfort much more than she should. Smoothly, she replies that pot roast does sound good. Her eyes meet yours, twinkling teasingly. Suddenly, you envision it happening.

Natasha, surrounded by your parents and grandparents. She'll stick out like a sore thumb. No way are they going to endorse her.

You feel like ripping your hair out.

"We're good", you quickly say, grabbing Natasha's arm. "We'll just-"

"I insist", he says. "Come on."

With that, he opens the gate a little wider and looks at you expectantly. Natasha, ever-charming and professional when necessary, nods and intertwines her hand with yours. You mutter a quiet "traitor" as you're led inside.

The house smells like garlic and the lavender potpourri your grandmother keeps everywhere, which is a disgusting combination. You feel Natasha's fingers brush against your shoulders as she takes off your jacket for you. Your dad watches her as she does that. You can't quite figure out what he's thinking.

"Honey, we've got company", he calls out as you enter the dining room. Your mom pokes her head out of the kitchen, eyeing Natasha warily.

"You are?"

"Natasha, ma'am."

"A 'friend' of Y/N's", your father says. "We'll need another plate."

Your mother scrutinizes Natasha shamelessly. You know she can see every detail, from the scar above her eyebrow to the dirt clinging to her boots. She'll bring it up later.

"Friends", she repeats. Her gaze locks with yours. You lift your chin with an air of defiance. "You're staying for dinner, I assume?"

"Oh, she's not-"

"Nonsense. Sit down", your father says, shooing you to the table.

Natasha swiftly slides a chair back and gestures for you to sit. Cheeks burning, you avoid everyone else's eyes as you sit down. Her hand briefly brushes against yours. At least she's next to you.

Your mother offers Natasha some wine. She declines politely, saying she doesn't drink — a blatant lie, as you had vodka when you were staying at her house. But you're actually relieved. This should at least be something your parents will be impressed by.

Your grandparents don't pay much attention to Natasha. It hasn't even crossed their minds that she could be more than just your friend. You came out years ago, but they've been ignoring that piece of information expertly. It doesn't fit their narrative.

But your parents know what's going on. They keep their eyes on Natasha even as they're picking at their salad or sipping wine. Eventually, your mother clears her throat. A sound you remember from your childhood, one that usually meant trouble. You stiffen in your chair.

"So", she says, setting down her fork and knife. "What do you do, Natasha?"

"A bit of everything", she says. Her eyes don't give much away. You shrink into your seat as you realize that you don't exactly know what she does, either. "You have a lovely home, by the way."

"Oh, thank you." Your mother watches her, eyes narrowed with the realization that Natasha managed to evade her question. She purses her lips. "So-"

"Your daughter is lovely as well", she adds.

You want to sink into the floor.

You spend the rest of the evening trying to steer your parents' attention away from Natasha. Somehow, it works — soon enough, they're talking about friends they saw in town and upcoming church events. You catch your grandmother glance at Natasha's jacket, draped over her chair, repeatedly, but she doesn't comment on it.

You know what's going through their heads, and you don't like it. Thankfully, Natasha is as smooth as can be. She's not too engaged in the conversation, but she appears just interested enough for it to be polite. She laughs at the right moments, she compliments the food, she asks the right questions and gives answers that are too vague to be judged easily.

Finally, you've cleaned off your plates of apple pie. Natasha helps stack the dishes and clean off the table, then you excuse yourselves.

Stepping outside feels like a huge weight falling from your shoulders.

"Dear god", you say, leaning against the trunk of the tree you used to climb when you were a child. Natasha smiles, her hands tucked into the pockets of her jacket. "I'm done. Seriously. This was a nightmare."

"It wasn't that bad", she says. "They like me, I think."

You raise your eyebrows. "I'm not even going to comment on that."

"Rude." She steps closer, brushing her elbow against your side. You smile faintly. "I think I made a good impression, no?"

"It could've been worse", you admit, though you're not too sure about the 'made a good impression'-thing. Impressing your parents? Nearly impossible. "I'm just glad we got this over with. Next time, pick me up somewhere else."

Natasha leans in, her hands still in the pockets of her jackets. She smirks, brushing her nose against yours before kissing you. A quick kiss, but you feel the thrill shoot through your veins. Kitchen window, you think, then peck her lips before pulling away. You rest your head against the rough bark of the trunk.

Your smile makes Natasha fall in love all over again.

. . .

"What do you mean you 'don't know'?"

You glance up from your book. Your eyebrows are furrowed, your foot is tapping a restless pattern against the firm cushions of the couch. This has been going on for twenty minutes and you're very close to hiding in your room.

"I just don't know, okay? I don't know what she does. She didn't tell me."

Your mother rolls her eyes and puts her hands on her hips. Something white and furry — your grandmother's devil cat named Thoreau — slithers past her legs and disappears into the hallway.

"Y/N", she says, stepping closer. "There's no way you've been going out with that...woman and don't know what she does. Who she is, in fact. I mean, have you looked at her?"

Oh, you have. You know what she's talking about. It makes your frustration spike.

"What's so bad about her, huh?", you snap, shutting your book abruptly. Her eyes widen for a split second. "She's nice. She treats me well. She's smart and funny. I really don't get why you dislike her so much!"

"Excuse me? I never said I-"

"You don't have to say anything!"

"Y/N!" Her voice cuts through the air, sharp and unrelenting. You feel yourself flinch. "Don't use that tone with me. I want to know who she is. Who she really is. Because even you seem to have no clue."

You go silent. Your face falls, revealing how accurate your mother's observation is.

You don't know Natasha. You know her, but you don't know her. What you gathered so far are little pieces of information, minuscule bits, knowledge that won't get you far.

You have no idea where she's from, or why she's in this town, what shes does.

But you know that she loves black coffee and braids, and movies and swimming. She loves falling asleep with her head on your chest, though she usually doesn't sleep through the night.

She counts stars when she doesn't know what to talk about. At night, she crosses streets without looking twice.

She can't draw to save her life. Her sketch of a mouse looked more like a gray circle with legs. But when she used a pen to draw on your arm, you wished the ink would seep into your skin so the drawing would never fade away.

Whether you know the things that actually matter is a question you can't answer.

You shift under your mother's gaze, slowly averting your eyes. Your bottom lip hurts from the way you chew on it. Your fingers lightly dig into your thigh.

"What do you want me to do?", you ask. You sound more petulant than you'd like to admit.

She exhales, willing herself to soften a little. Tentatively, she sits down next to you and takes your book. She stares at the cover as if gathering her thoughts. She tries to remind herself that this is nothing more than a summer romance — something that'll pass eventually. Rather sooner than later, she hopes.

"Talk to her", she says. "Make sure you know what you're getting into. Because you're not about to ruin your life because of one summer."

Her words hit harder than expected. You can tell she's serious, because she always is. You've started to think she's incapable of making jokes.

It all settles in your stomach, makes your thoughts churn. You nod, imperceptibly almost, but your mother notices. She reaches over to squeeze your hand before getting up.

Eyes glued to the cover of your book, you sit there. The image blurs, as does the title.

You've built a fragile, beautiful thing together — and you need answers from Natasha before summer slips away.

. . .

It's a warm summer night. You managed to sneak out at a little after midnight, carefully walking down the stairs and shutting the window behind you. The seat of Natasha's SUV had started to feel familiar as you sat down in her car.

Now, you're back at the lake behind her house. Its surface shimmers in the milky moonlight. The towel creates a barrier between your thighs and the wood of the dock you're sitting on, preventing you from getting splinters. Your toes dip into the water, which is definitely much cooler already. Summer is coming to an end.

She swims up to you so she's right in front of the dock. Her fingertips loosely wrap around your ankle and she presses a kiss to it, her lips cold and wet against your skin. You can't tell whether she knows how your thoughts are racing, how you've been trying to voice your fears for an eternity now.

"Join me", she says, rubbing circles against your skin. Her green eyes seem deeper than the lake she's in.

You tilt your head, your eyebrows raised skeptically. It's tempting, really, but the idea of getting all wet and cold isn't a pleasant one.

"I don't know", you hesitate. "I think I'm fine right here."

Natasha hums and squeezes your ankle. She tugs on it, lightly enough to not make you worry too much. "You say that now...", she then says, quickly causing you to change your mind about not worrying.

With one swift pull, you slip from the dock. The world tilts, you gasp, and suddenly, you're underwater. But you're pulled back up before your panic can take root, her arms around your thighs, the cold water a stark contrast to the heat simmering in your chest. Natasha's smile matches yours.

"Got you."

"I'm wet", you mutter, brushing wayward strands of hair out of your face. She presses her lips against your jaw. Your fingers grasp her chin and you give her a real kiss, a slow and all-consuming one, sweet from the lake water.

Your hands run into her hair, combing through it and untangling it. Her fingertips dig into your thighs. You feel the spinning sensation in your head slow down.

Finally, you part. Your lips hover close to hers, letting you swallow her breath. Natasha kisses your bottom lip and then trails her lips down your neck until she reaches your chest. Her tongue traces the seam of your bikini top.

You stop her before she can go further. Your fingers rake through her hair, making her pause.

"I need to talk to you", you admit. She looks up, worry crossing her features. "It's nothing bad. I think."

"Your parents?", she asks, slowly lowering you into the water. Her arms stay wrapped around your waist in a loose hold.

The smile on your face is bitter. You sigh and touch her jaw, fingers lightly drumming against it. "Kind of", you say. "But also...everything else. Us. This. I mean...summer is about to end. What happens then?"

She should've anticipated this conversation. Summer won't last forever — you'll leave, as will she. Responsibilities loom over her like dark clouds. Suddenly, she sees a future in which she never meets you again.

"I don't know", she murmurs. Her hand slides up and down your back repeatedly, fingertips slipping under the tight fabric of your bikini. "I didn't think about it."

Her words feel like a needle in your chest. You've been awake way too many times, tossing and turning, wondering what your future is going to look like. Whether she's in it as well.

There's no way she's this indifferent to what happens next.

"You didn't?"

"I mean..." She sighs and leans in, her lips briefly pressing against your temple. "Of course I did. In a way. But I've mostly been focused on the now. You're leaving, aren't you? You're going back to college. And I..."

Natasha doesn't say anything else. You look at her with your eyebrows raised, silently promoting her to keep going. You both know what you are doing once summer ends. Where you're going, who you're going to be with, all that stuff.

But Natasha? You have no idea. She won't tell you.

"Listen", she begins, letting go of you. The loss of contact is unbearable. "There are things you're better off not knowing."

"Are you kidding?" You swim closer, the water brushing along your body. Disbelief is written all over your face. "Natasha, please tell me you aren't serious. If it's that bad, you have to tell me. I need to know. I mean, my mom-"

"Is that's what this is about?" Her voice hasn't changed in volume, but the tone is so very different. Cold, biting, accusatory. It makes you stop in your tracks. "Your parents?"

"No!" You exhale and squeeze your eyes shut for a moment, willing yourself to not start a fight. "No. Of course not. I don't care what they think. But sometimes, even they are right. Natasha, I need to know. You have to tell me if you want this to keep going."

"Of course I want to keep this going", she snaps. "But what if I tell you and then never hear from you again, huh? You ever thought about that?"

You shake your head and grab her hand. She recoils initially but then relaxes, her eyes locked on your face warily. "We can sort it out. I really don't believe it can be that bad."

Seconds of silence. Her hand twitches in yours and she frowns. When she looks away, it feels like everything has started to slip from your grasp.

"You're naive", she states quietly. Your chest burns with an odd mixture of shame and defensiveness. If only you knew that she isn't trying to insult you — no, this is her attempt at keeping you safe from whatever mess her life is.

She's seen your life. Has met your parents, heard about your upbringing. She knows you're wealthy, a top student at one of the USA's most prestigious universities. Your future is dipped in diamonds and gold, enhanced by glasses of champagne and dinner parties.

Natasha's life is bullets and blood. There's nothing else to be said.

"Stop pushing me away", you plead. She feels her throat constrict. "We can work this out. We can get through this."

"I'm not pushing you away", she argues. "I'm being realistic. There's a difference between the two."

"Maybe it's both", you say, wading closer to her again. "It probably is. But I want to know, Nat."

Stubbornness gives way to exhaustion. She shakes her head and pulls her hand away from yours.

"Not yet", she says weakly. You watch her swim to the latter attached to the dock. Her hands grab the metal bars and she pulls herself up, water dripping off her body. Her skin is smooth in the pale light. Trying to stop her seems futile.

She grabs a towel and wraps herself into it. Her figure retreats towards the house, getting smaller and less defined with each step. You wait for a moment, then you exhale in frustration and follow her inside.

The wooden floors feel slippery underneath your feet. You blindly reach for the light switch only to find out the electricity is gone — again. You don't even bother looking for the flashlight, as you've already memorized the layout of the small house.

"Natasha", you call, not seeing her in the living room. You peek into the bedroom, but it's empty. "For fuck's sake, don't do this!"

Something touches your spine. You whip around with a start. You aren't quite sure what you were expecting, but you should've known it'd be her. She stares at you, making no move to apologize.

"It's late", she says.

You blink, caught off guard for a moment. "What?"

"It's late. You're probably tired."

"Natasha-"

"Let's go to sleep", she says, sounding resolute. You give in.

The mattress is the same, but she changed the bedsheets. They're a navy blue and not as faded as the floral ones, but they're just as soft.

There's a distance between the two of you. Your back is facing her, she's staring at the ceiling. She tries closing her eyes, falling asleep, but it doesn't work. At some point, she rolls over. Her front is flush with your back. Her lips ghost over your shoulder as her arm tentatively wraps around your middle.

You find yourself scooting into the touch.

"Asleep?", she murmurs, her hand under your shirt now.

"No."

Natasha's lips press against the back of your neck. Her breath is warm on your skin and your eyes close automatically. Her hand cups your breast, massaging it gently. You feel goosebumps form all over you.

"Still mad at me?", she whispers, rolling your nipple between her cold fingers. You huff, but the sound morphs into a quiet moan.

"I don't know", you say breathily. Her thumb brushes over the sensitive bud. Suddenly, you're wet again, but this time not because of lake water. "Shit."

Natasha kisses along your neck. Her teeth graze your skin before she sucks on it, leaving love bites behind. "You want to?"

You turn your head, burying your nose in the soft pillow underneath you. It's petulant, in a way, causing Natasha to smile. She kisses your earlobe.

"Yes or no?", she asks. You sigh at the realization that you can either get over yourself and say yes, or disappear into the shower and take care of this yourself.

It's not a hard decision.

"Yes", you mutter. Natasha hums and leaves wet kisses behind your ear, her breath hot.

"You're sure?"

"I said yes, didn't I?"

"I like to double-check", she replies.

Lips against your skin, she slips the strap of your top off your shoulder. Your head lolls back, resting against her forehead. Her hand trails from your arm to your stomach. She undoes the drawstring of your shorts and the gentle pressure around your waist disappears. Her fingers press against your cunt and she breathes into your ear.

You stifle a moan when she slides her fingers through your cunt, gathering wetness. Her fingertips pinch your clit and you let a soft whine slip. Heat spreads on your skin.

"You're so pretty", she mumbles. The kisses on your shoulder turn more feverish, peppered all over you, hot and wet and open-mouthed. You writhe against her, your flushing face hidden in your pillow. Her fingers slip into you, leaving you no time to get used to the sensation. "It'd be a shame if you stayed mad."

You don't respond. Natasha's fingers curl inside of you, hitting that sweet spot and making you even wetter. You're dripping down her wrist, ruining the sheets. Her fingers are slick with your arousal.

A third finger works you open. Waves of pleasure roll down your back and add to the coil in your lower belly. Heat floods your veins and your vision goes blurry. You see stars, but they're oh so different from the ones in the sky.

Natasha's movements slow down right before you're about to come. When you turn your head to look at her and protest, she doubles down and starts moving faster. Surprised moans tumble from your lips, your eyes wide. Her thumb rubs circles on your clit. Her expression remains the same, but you can see her pupils dilate.

Your eyes hold hers as you come, walls clenching around her and cheeks red. Aftershocks buzz through your body.

"Still mad at me?", she mumbles. You feel her lips drag across your jaw.

"A little", you admit, thought your voice, softened and breathy, betrays you. You can feel her smile against your cheek, the gentle curve of her lips, and, weirdly, it hurts not being able to see it. You pull away just enough to look at her.

Sometimes, it feels like her eyes are the only glimpse of her world you're allowed to see. A world she lived in long before she entered yours.

You roll over and rest your forehead against hers. You grasp her hand and bring it up to your lips, kissing her still wet fingers.

"I want to know you", you say quietly. "I don't know if you want me to know you."

"That's..." She hesitates, her voice cracking. "That's not true. It's just not that simple, Y/N."

You watch her with furrowed eyebrows. Slowly, you intertwine your fingers with her. She doesn't waver, doesn't pull away — which is something, at least. But it's not what you were hoping for.

Her green eyes meet yours again. Her world flickers in front of you, blurry and unsteady, too faint to decipher.

"I never asked for simple", you then say. "I'm not simple, either. None of this ever was. I told you from the beginning."

"That's different."

"It's really not."

"It is."

Her voice is louder this time. You let go of her hand and prop yourself up on your elbow, your eyes narrowed. Natasha's eyes are challenging, but she can't hide the vulnerability that shimmers through.

"Don't yell at me", you warn quietly.

"I'm not yelling", she mutters, her gaze shifting away from you. Her jaw tightens with both frustration and guilt. "My point stands. You have a pretentious family. So what? Not the biggest issue I can think of."

You raise your eyebrows and shift to fully sit up. Her words sting — downplaying your struggles is something you didn't expect from her. Apparently, Natasha notices the effect her words had, and she quickly sits up as well.

"You know what I meant. I know it's not easy for you, either, but you've got to understand that things are difficult."

"I can't understand until you explain it to me", you say, growing more frustrated with every second. "What is it, huh? Are you secretly married? Have a kid somewhere? Maybe you killed someone."

The last sentence — one you definitely weren't being serious about — makes her eyes widen.

Guilt. It hits her like a flash flood. Hands stained with blood, so many lives taken, a past she doesn't want to be hers. With you, she thought she could pretend. Push it all away, be someone else for once.

The thought that you may think of her like that — that she's someone who's capable of ending lives — hurts more than it should. Suddenly, she feels like you can sense the darkness she's kept buried for so long.

She sits up abruptly, jaw clenched, hands curling into fists. Seeing her like this does everything but soothe your worries.

"What?", she says quietly. She sounds anguished, hurt, and you're the reason.

Natasha and you stare at each other. You can hear the wind outside, the cicadas, and for the first time ever, the nightly noises don't manage to calm you down. For some reason, they make everything worse.

You don't know how to backtrack, so you don't. You grow more helpless by the second, until she finally speaks again.

"You have no idea what you're talking about", she says. "You don't get to joke about that. It's not funny. Not to me."

"Natasha..."

"I'm serious", she cuts you off. "You don't know who I am. You have no idea. I can promise you that. A few weeks spent with me don't fucking change that."

"Then help me! Explain it to me! But don't just leave me in the dark like this!"

"It doesn't fit into your world, Y/N", she says, suddenly getting up. She starts rubbing her neck — an anxious little mannerism you haven't seen her exhibit yet. "Explaining it won't do anything. It'll only change how you see me, and I don't know if I can deal with that."

"Then what's the solution, hm? You'll keep it from me forever?"

"Forever doesn't exist with us!"

Everything seems to freeze. You were about to get up, but your body seems to have changed its mind. You stay seated on the mattress, staring up at her with disbelief and utter, pure heartbreak.

"Is that what you think?", you ask slowly. Natasha almost winces. "That this will just end?"

"Most likely", she says, taking a step backward. Her hand reaches behind her until she finds the dresser. She grabs its edge, her knuckles turning white. "You don't know what you're asking for, Y/N."

"I'm asking for you", you say, finally managing to get up.

"You're being naive."

"Stop calling me that!"

"It's true!"

"You're yelling again", you warn.

Natasha turns, her back facing you. She rubs the back of her neck as she breathes unevenly.

You hesitate as you stand there. Then, slowly as to not spook her, you reach out. Your fingertips brush against her lower back and she flinches. But she doesn't pull away, so you press your palm against her back. You step closer and press your lips to her shoulder.

"I don't care if it doesn't fit", you mumble, though it's a lie — you do care. You want to be part of her world, whatever it may be like. "I just want to make this work, Nat."

She takes a moment to reply. Her voice is raw, her breathing ragged. She faces you again, her green eyes filled with something bitter.

"You think you can just fix everything?", she asks. "Just waltz in and make everything better? Because it doesn't work like that."

"I don't want to fix anything", you say quietly. Your other hand touches her waist, and to your surprise, she leans into you. You study her, wary and careful. "I just want to understand."

"You can't understand until you know everything", Natasha says. "And I don't think you want to know everything."

You stare at her, eyes flickering with concern. It's not like your life has been perfect, or that you've been shielded from everything that isn't all sunshine and daisies, but you can't imagine what could possibly be this bad.

"I don't want everything", you say. "I want you."

Natasha goes rigid for a moment. Then she relaxes, muscles loosening and shoulders slumping. Like a cat landing on a stretched out blanket, you catch her. She buries her face in your neck, her body held upright by your arms around her waist. You can feel her breathe you in.

You smell like her.

. . .

The rain is heavy. It soaks through your clothes and leaves the ends of your hair dripping. You barely make it into Natasha's car without slipping.

"You're wet again", she says, handing you a blanket. "No umbrella?"

You wipe the water out of your face and snort. "No. Forgot to grab it."

"Could've gone back inside."

The look you throw at her shuts her up. She starts the car and drives out of the neighborhood. Only the pelting of the rain on the roof fills the silence between you.

You've never been like this with each other. Until now, it was easy. But that's the way it is, right? Things are easy until they aren't anymore.

"Where are we going?", you ask, adjusting the blanket around your shoulders. You lift one corner of it to pat your hair dry.

"Just driving", she mumbles. Her knuckles are tight around the steering wheel, her eyes focused on the road, but you can tell there's more.

You don't say anything. You just lean back and enjoy being the one who gets to play passenger princess, even if your clothes are sticking to your skin. You drive through your favorite part of town — the cute little corner with the bookshop and the park full of flowers —, then Natasha suddenly takes a turn.

You recognize the neighborhood, but she hasn't taken you here before.

"Huh", you mumble, staring out the window. You're slumped into the seat lazily. "New location unlocked?"

"Something like that."

In front of a bed and breakfast, she stops. She unbuckles and gets out, nodding at you to follow her. Despite your confusion, you don't hesitate.

Inside the building, it's warm and quiet. It smells like cookies and flowers; freshly picked ones, sitting on the counter next to the staircase. The steps creak under your feet as you go upstairs.

Natasha fishes another key out of her pocket and unlocks a door. The room that appears in front of you is exactly what you expected — corny grandma-bedsheets on top of a wooden bed, with pictures of cats on the walls and a plush rug.

"I don't understand", you murmur, brushing your hand over little notebook on the desk. It's for the guests to write in. "What is this?"

"I'm staying here", she says, digging through a backpack, "until I leave."

You pause, your eyes flickering up. For some reason, you thought Natasha would always be here. Even after you go back to college. Like a safe place you could retreat to whenever the world becomes too much.

A very selfish thought, but a comforting one nevertheless.

"You...you don't live here", you say slowly, as if realizing it for the first time. Which may or may not be very accurate. "You're leaving. You're leaving?"

"I am."

Your eyes widen as she keeps pulling stuff out of the backpack and putting it aside. A gun. A taser. Some kind of earpiece. Your heart starts rabbiting in your chest, but you force yourself to stay calm.

"Uhm-"

"You said you wanted to know me, didn't you?" She turns around. Her eyes are cold and her walls are up. "This is me. This —" She pulls another weapon, which looks like an odd sort of bracelet, out of her backpack, "this is me. This."

You laugh nervously. Part of you won't believe this is real. It has to be some kind of joke. But Natasha is completely serious.

She wraps the bracelet around her wrist and clicks on it. It tightens around her wrist and lights up. You take a step back and bump against the door. Her eyes meet yours, and for a split second, the facade slips. You see it — a deep, unrelenting sadness, the kind that comes with inevitability, the quiet acceptance of something she knew would happen but hoped never would.

"Does it fit?", she prompts you.

You frown and take a stubborn step closer. You're trying hard not to let it show, but your heartbeat is still racing. "Natasha, don't-"

"You wanted to know who I am", she cuts you off. "This is me."

"I don't care", you plead, stepping closer once more. This time, it's Natasha who takes a step back. "I said I wanted to know you. I still do. I want to know you, whatever that means."

"Y/N", she says quietly. "Nobody wants to know me. I can promise you that."

"I do", you say, stubborn and frantic. "You've been keeping this from me for two months, and I still want to know you."

"I've been keeping it from you for a reason."

She has a point. If she'd pulled out a gun on your first date, you would've bolted.

But now? For some reason, you're still here. Still trying to get her to listen, despite the fact that there are multiple weapons scattered across the floor. Suddenly, the scars on her body make more sense. The bruises, the healed cuts. You've learned to love them. The way you trace them with your lips is proof enough.

But with Natasha, you didn't have to learn. It just happened — one day, you looked at her and loved her.

Even now, you do.

"Why would you do that?", you ask, both baffled and understanding her point. "Why would you keep something like this from me?"

"Because this?" She laughs, her voice tinged with bittersweet regret. "This wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to fall in love, Y/N. Things usually end before I do, anyways. But I fell in love with you."

The words wash over you like waves. For a moment, everything stops — the rain outside, your thoughts, your pulse. All you can do is stare at her, her words echoing in your mind.

"So what?", you suddenly shout, even surprising yourself. "You fall in love and leave because it 'wasn't supposed to happen'? Is that it?"

You breathe heavily, the words burning in your chest. You bite back tears, your jaw clenching.

"We'll just walk away when it's too much?", you continue. You're no longer trying to control your voice, so it keeps rising. "Pretend it never happened?"

"You don't get it", she snaps. "This isn't a fairytale. Fuck, all I wanted was someone to help me take my mind off things."

"And you got that, didn't you?" Full of anger and frustration, you grab the backpack and shove it against her chest. She doesn't falter, even when you keep pushing your fists against her. Your tears and sobs are silent. "You got that damn fling. Now you can leave, huh? Leave everything in pieces!"

She recoils slightly, then she shoves the backpack off her with more force than you expected. It hits the ground with a low thud.

"That's now what this was!", she says, her voice cracking. "You're not just a fling, Y/N. Which is exactly why I need to end this."

"You're not making any sense!"

"I'm not?", she yells. She whips around and grabs her wallet. Suddenly, you've got an ID card in your hand. "Here! Am I making sense now?"

You're too stunned to speak. Your eyes are glued to the card in your hand, rereading the words, trying to understand what's going on.

SHIELD. Field operative. Special agent.

The words swim around in your brain uselessly. You're not sure you've heard of any of this before.

"You...?"

"I'm a spy", Natasha says sharply. She grabs the card and puts it away again, hiding it in her purse. "I'm an assassin."

That does the trick. Every word is wiped from your supply of smartass remarks, your knees seem to buckle for a moment, you go completely quiet. You grab the desk next to you for support, leaning on it.

There's a silent challenge to the way she's looking at you. Chin slightly raised, her eyes filled with an unusual coldness. Her fair skin is even paler than usual.

"An assassin", you repeat, voice cracking.

"Yes", she says, watching you with a mixture of regret and defiance. "Former assassin, but...that doesn't change anything. It's what I am. What I've always been. I'm a trained killer, Y/N."

You stare at her as you try to wrap your head around this. Natasha, the woman you love — the one who kissed your forehead when you were sleepy, who read books to you — is a killer.

"You're a killer", you repeat, as if that'd make it easier to grasp. It doesn't. The words feel bitter on your tongue, strange and foreign.

Natasha doesn't move, doesn't say anything. Her mask falters. What you see now is raw pain.

"I'm sorry you had to find out like this."

"You're sorry?" You let out a hollow laugh, but deep down, you want to sob. "How was I supposed to find out, huh? 'Hey, by the way, I killed people'? Fuck, Nat, I...fuck."

She crosses her arms and takes another step back. Her legs bump against the bed. Outside, the rain starts pouring heavily.

"I thought I could keep it separate", she admits, her voice quieter now. You close your eyes at the sound of it and resist pulling her into you like you've done so many times. "That I could pretend I'm someone else when I'm with you."

Your hands ball into fists. You squeeze your eyes shut.

"It didn't work", she continues, softening. "You made me feel more like myself than anyone ever could."

When you open your eyes again, they're glossed over with tears. You exhale slowly, shakily, and force yourself to look at her.

"This isn't fair", you whisper. "It really, really isn't. You don't get to make me fall in love only to do...this."

"I told you", Natasha says quietly, "I didn't plan for this to happen. I just didn't want to be alone."

"Well, there you are." You laugh bitterly and scrub a hand down your face. "All of this just to end up alone again. You happy now?"

"Y/N, I never wanted to hurt you."

"But you did!" You step closer, the anger pulsing through your body. You can feel how warm your face is. "You hurt me. You hurt yourself, too. You screwed up, just admit it!"

"Fine!", she yells. "I screwed up!"

"You did!", you shout. The tears start flowing, hot and damp. Natasha's heart gives a painful twist at the sight. "You screwed up, and you hurt me, and you, and I- I- god, fuck you!"

Her hand reaches out on instinct, but her outstretched fingers never even brush against your arm.

"Don't", you hiss, pushing her hand away. "Don't touch me. Not now."

She pulls back and swallows, her eyes darting away from you.

"I'm sorry", she says.

The words linger in the air. You stand there, trying to slow your breathing. You cover your face with your hands and inhale raggedly. The tears feel warm against your palms.

"This is it?", you ask numbly. "We're done?"

"I'm sorry", she repeats. You shake your head and wipe your face with your hands.

"Fuck you", you repeat. You step away from the door, open it, and slam it shut before Natasha can react.

She stays in the bedroom, frozen in place. Her eyes are glued to the door.

Gone. Gone are two months of whatever it is you two had.

The lake, the diner, the drive-in. Nights spent buried in each other, bodies so close it was unclear where one ended and the other began.

She should feel relief. At least she doesn't have to live a lie anymore — now, you know the truth. You've walked away and she's the one left standing alone. And worst of all?: She deserves it.

The rain continues to pour outside, but inside the room, there is nothing but the quiet of the aftermath.

[lesmiix]

HELLO POOOKIE

Can i ask for hyun-ju with a partner who loves to buy her things? Like dresses, makeup, perfumes, you name it ;3

thank you 🙏🙏

Hiiii!! thank you so much for such a sweet request! 😭🫶

Summary: Your gf is broken so you buy her everything she wants (and more).

Warnings: Just fluff, no use of y/n, g/n reader.

author's note: English is not my first language so, sorry if there's any mistake😞 Hope you enjoy it!!

Hyun-ju x g/n reader!

Hyun-ju was never the kind of person who would spend a lot of money on herself, as she already spends a lot of her money on her transition, so she wouldn't give herself the gifts she would like.

You knew about that since you met, when you both went shopping you noticed how she admired the cute dresses placed on the mannequins.

Anytime you asked her if she liked it, she would always answer with a simple "it's cute" and look away, too ashamed with herself for not being able to buy it.

"Are you sure you don't want it? It'd look amazing on you" You said while looking at the tight black dress in front of her.

"I don't know my lov-" She started, but you cut her off. "Try it on at least? I'll pay for it" You said excitedly, at first she denied it, but you, being so insistent, finally gave in.

You knew about her economical situation so you offered to buy her the stuff she wanted so much, but she always denied. She didn't like the thought of you spending too much money on her.

One time you both were shopping at Sephora, because you really needed to buy some products. As you were looking around the shop trying to find them, out of the corner of your eye you saw Hyun-ju in the perfume section, spraying her wrist with a perfume bottle to smell them one by one.

"Any that you like?" You asked her, while hugging her by from behind, wrapping your arms around her waist.

"This one actually smells amazing, but it's way too expensive, maybe I'll come next month when I get paid". She said, putting the perfume back in it's place.

Some minutes later, when Hyun-ju was distracted, you picked it up and put it in your bag to pay for it later and give it to her when you got home.

...

"I have a little gift for you" You said while handing her the little box with a golden print. Her eyes widened as she opened the present.

"Honey, you didn't have to" She started

"Shhh it's okay, a little gift (40$😞) won't hurt"

I have the feeling that she would LOVE makeup, but like she would be obsessed with it, loving how she looks when she wears this thin black eyeliner (she'd be SO good at it btw) but of course, almost all of the good quality makeup brands cost like an eyeball, so she would have the most basic stuff. But you love her and want to see her happy, so ofc you would buy her anything she laid her eyes on.

"Darling, don't you think you already bought me enough stuff?" She asked while you picked a Rare Beauty lipgloss and two different blushes.

"You'll pay me when we get back home" You teased while letting a soft peak on her lips.

At the end of those little dates, you would be carrying thousands of bags filled with just gifts for your dear girlfriend.

When the two of you get back to your shared apartment, you would make her try all the cute dresses, skirts and crop tops you bought her.

"You look gorgeous my love" You said while admiring your girlfriend, who was looking at herself in the mirror with a little cute smirk on her face.

Of course she would thank you with a little make out session.

"Thank you for everything baby, I loved it" She muttered as she gently pressed her lips against yours.

a/n: It's 1 am and I'm so so so tired but I can't sleep 😭

Anyway, I hope you guys liked it!!!

Requests for Hyun-ju are always open🫶

[spencerreids-wifey]

𝐈'𝐌 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐘 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔 | 𝐒.𝐑𝐄𝐈𝐃

Category: Smut & Fluff

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warning: sub!spencer, inexperienced!spencer, oral (m and f receiving), virginity loss, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, light dom/sub, use of good boy but only like twice. (Let me know if I've missed anything)

You enjoyed being Spencer's first girlfriend, just because you loved the fact that you got to be the one to ever hold his hand romantically, the one to kiss him or spend the night at his place.

Now, this was not your first relationship, but it was the first time that you didn't have to worry about whether or not they genuinely liked you because sex was the last thing on Spencer's mind, at least as far as you could tell.

Tonight was just like any other night. Spencer had gotten home from a case pretty early and asked if you had wanted to spend the night in which you accepted and packed an overnight bag.

You'd spent the night eating takeout and some documentary that Spencer had put on, but you weren't paying too much attention, you rubbed Spencer's knee which then gained his attention.

Spencer smiled and hesitantly leaned closer to you, and the two of you began to make out on the sofa. It was just a small little moment but then it started to get heated and before you knew it, you were on his lap.

The two of your lips moved in sync, and his hands were on your waist, then you began grinding against him, which had then had caused a shaky moan to fall from his lips.

"Mhm...was that a moan?" You giggled.

Spencer realized the noise he'd just made, and his eyes widened a bit, and he placed his hands onto your waist to stop you from moving any further.

You furrowed your brows. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry, Spencer...I didn't mean to overdo it." You quickly climbed off of him and took a seat beside him, hoping you didn't make him uncomfortable.

The two of you had been dating a year now, and while Spencer was a lot more comfortable when it came to you, he still was hesitant when it came to talking or doing anything intimate.

"No!" Spencer quickly said. "You didn't make me uncomfortable, just...wasn't expecting it."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, I wasn't expecting that, but it very clearly had an effect on me." He said with a sheepish tone, and that's when you could see the outline of his cock in his pants.

You tried not to stare but you couldn't help it and you just simply said, "Oh..."

Spencer spoke, "I think I'm ready."

"For what?"

"For you to have me." He took your hand and looked into your eyes. "Completely."

You looked into his eyes. "Are you sure?"

"I am." Spencer nodded. "I trust you, and I don't want to keep you waiting for so long."

You placed your bend back on his knee, this time in an assuring way. "Spence, baby, you don't need to worry about keeping me waiting, I'll only want this if I know you're ready."

Spencer knew you wouldn't rush him into anything he didn't want to do and that was something he appreciated about you.

But now it was time, he needed you and wanted you.

"I promise, I'm ready."

You smiled softly and reached over to slip your hand behind his neck, pulling him into a kiss to which Spencer immediately reciprocated.

Spencer pulled you back onto his lap as you two made out, his hands found your waist, his fingers dug into your waist, digging into your soft flesh as he got lost in the feeling of your tongues dancing together.

With his trembling hands, Spencer trailed down to the blouse that you were wearing. His fingers fumbled quickly with the buttons on her shirt, and you couldn't help but giggle about against his lips.

You pulled back and replaced his hands that were on your shirt with your own hands. "It's alright, let me do it for you."

One by one, you began to unbutton your shirt until you were simply left in your bra.

Spencer's eyes didn't look away, the way your tits were pushing up in the bra you were wearing, it was just too mesmerizing.

A small groan left his lips as his hands reached out to cup your breasts. They were so round and heavy in his hands, and he couldn't help but squeeze as much as he could, and occasionally, his fingers would run over your already head nipples through your bra.

You reached behind you so you could unclasp your bra, and you threw it somewhere on the floor.

Your bare chest was now fully on display for Spencer, who looked like a kid in a candy store.

Spencer leaned down and wrapped his lips around one of your nipples which caused a moan to fall from your lips and your back to arch.

That sound, it was like music to his ears, and he continued to suck gently on your nipple. Your hands went to his hair, tugging a bit, which caused him to moan around your nipple and send vibrations throughout your body.

You tasted so good. You were a perfect mixture of sweet and salty, and Spencer couldn't seem to get enough.

You couldn't stop yourself from moaning and groaning as Spencer paid a good amount of attention to each one of your nipples.

"I think..." You took a deep breath. "It's time for me to give you a little treat." A small smile had played onto your lips as you helped him out of his shirt, Spencer got goosebumps with how cold the room had suddenly felt.

You climbed off his lap and dropped down to your knees, and Spencer's lips parted. He was already hard, but he now he was really hard knowing what he was about to do to him.

Your hands reached for the zipper on his pants, and you smirked. "Now let's see..." Spencer lifted up his hips as you had helped him out of his pants and boxer briefs.

Wow, that's all you could think as he cock sprung free, not wanting to waste anymore time your hand wrapped around him, you began to purposely stroke him slowly.

He gasped as she wrapped her fingers around him, feeling the softness of her skin against his.

"Do you like this?" Your hand twisted around him and went up and down in all types of motions, drawing relentlessly moans from his lips.

Quickly Spencer nodded. "I-I do, yes..."

You were barely doing anything, and already it felt like too much, Spencer's nails dug into the couch, and his eyes squeezed shut.

"Uh, uh." You stopped and looked up at him. "If you don't look at me, I'll have to stop, do you understand?"

Spencer opened back up his eyes and looked at you and answered. "I-I understand."

"Good boy." Those words made him twitch in her hands. "Your cock is so pretty Spencer and I'm so glad I'll be the first and only girl to see this."

Spencer gulped and sheepishly spoke. "Can you, um..you know?"

You knew what he was asking for but you wanted him to directly ask you.

"I don't know, what do you need?"

Spencer hesitated. "Do I have to say it?"

"How can I know what you want me to do if you don't ask me specifically?" You smiled softly.

"Can you...use your mouth?" He asked.

You chuckled, "We'll work on that." And then you leaned in closer, your warm breath against his skin as you had taken his cock into your mouth.

Spencer's eyes widened at the feeling of your warm and wet mouth around him.

You ran your tongue up and down him, licking his tip and trying to take as much as you could down your throat. Spencer's head back against the couch, and his eyes rolled back. You sucked him off with eagerness and whatever you couldn't take in your mouth, you just jerked it.

Spencer could feel the tension building up within him. With everything you were giving him, he could feel himself getting closer.

But he didn't want to come just yet, so he spoke up. "Wait- wait..."

"Whats wrong?" You asked.

"Nothing, I just...I don't want to come so quickly."

You smiled softly. "It's okay if you do, that just shows I'm doing a good job."

"You definitely are." Spencer said, breathless. "I just...want to return the favor, please?"

You rose to your feet so you could pull down your pants and panties and then took a seat down onto the couch. Now it was Spencer's turn to be on his knees for you.

He pushed your legs apart, and his heart raced at the view of your glistening cunt before him, he licked his lips and looked at you. "Let me know if you don't like it, okay?"

You nodded and gasped as he leaned down, and his tongue had flicked out to taste test her. A groan left Spencer's lips at how good you tasted, so sweet.

Your hands went to his hair as he began to lick her like she was his last meal.

While Spencer had never touched a woman a day in his life, he had done a lot of reading, waiting for this moment and he did not want to disappoint you.

Your hips bucked up to his face as he wrapped his arms around your legs, holding you close as he didn't let a drop of you go to waste. His tongue wrapped around your clit and he gently sucked.

"God, Spencer!" Your back arched. "So good, how are you so good at this?"

It was a rhetorical question, but Spencer still wanted to answer. "I've done a lot of reading, although reading about it isn't the same as doing it, you taste amazing." He said as he returned back to what he was originally doing.

Moans filled up the living room, and your legs began to shake. "Don't fucking stop, Spence!"

Your thighs tightened around his head as you got closer and closer with every lick and flick against your clit.

Within seconds, you were left shaking as Spencer made you come harder than any man.

It took you a while to catch your breath, but when you did, you looked down at him and helped him up. "Let's go to your room."

Spencer quickly stood up and the two headed to his bedroom. "Get in the bed, lay down for me." You had instructed.

Spencer climbed into the bed and laid on his back, watching in awe as joined him in the bed, straddling is hips.

His cock brushed against your clit which made the both of you moan. "I'm going to make you feel so good baby..."

Spencer whined, "Please do."

Your hands ran over his chest before lining him up at your entrance, your wetness dripped onto the tip of his cock as your lowered yourself onto him completely.

"Ah.." Spencer shuddered.

"Look at me." You said as you began to rock your hips against him, Spencer's eyes snapped up to you, holding eye contact.

You were so tight around him, and it made it so hard for Spencer not to come on the spot.

"Oh, baby..." His hands went to your hips.

Spencer's cock only got harder with the many movements against him. You moved up and down, your ass and thighs slapping down on him.

You spoke, "Fuck me back baby."

His grip on your waist got more firm, and he began to help guide your movements. Spencer thrusted upwards to meet your movements at the perfect time.

Your eyes grew wide as he managed to find the perfect rhythm. With each thrust, her tits bounced, and he could feel her walls tighten around him. It was such a magnificent feeling that, he could sense you were close

Spencer reached down to her clit, his fingers trembling with anticipation. He needed her to come before he did. His thumb circled the sensitive nub, applying just the right amount of pressure. Your eyes shot open, meeting his with a look of surprise.

Your hips began to move faster, your breath hitched in your throat as you felt the beginnings of your climax building. Spencer could feel it, too, the way your walls fluttered around him, the way your muscles began to quiver. He knew he had you, knew he could give you what she wanted.

Spencer's thrust started to become more and more deliberate with each movement. With every moan that came from your lips it caused him to want to give you more.

His head fell back into the pillow at the feeling of your walls clenching around him.

Then you leaned forward, your hands on his chest as you began to ride him with eagerness.

Spencer watched, his eyes glued to the sight of how well your pussy swallowed his cock, your clit grinding against his pelvis. It was a sight that made him feel like he was going to combust at any given moment. He then reached up, his hands cupping your breasts as he squeezed and pinched your nipples in time with the movements.

"Do you like this?" You asked. "Do you like how well I'm taking your cock, babe?"

In response to your question, he moaned. He was starting to feel his release draw near as you didn't slow down the pace. The pressure in his balls grew with every stroke. All he could do was moan at your filthy words.

You threw your head back. "I'm so close."

"Me too, baby...me too."

Your movements were becoming erratic. You needed to come, and you weren't about to slow down until you did. Spencer could feel you tighten around him, your pussy clamping down onto him.

And then, a loud moan and desperate cry left your lips as you came. Your body shook with the force of your orgasm. The sensation was like nothing he had ever felt before, his own cock pulsing.

Your pussy was so tight around him and he was ready to let go. Spencer looked up at you as you rode out your pleasure, watching you come did something to him, knowing that he made you come, threw him over the edge.

And then, with a final, desperate thrust, Spencer came. His eyes rolled back in his head, his back arching off the bed as ropes of cum shot from his cock, filling you up.

Never in his life had he ever come that fast and hard.

You moaned softly, feeling his release inside of you. Both his and your juices mixed together leaked out of her as she pulled off of him and dropped to lay beside him, catching her breath.

There was a long silence that made Spencer feel uneasy, so he turned to look at you. "Was that good?"

You looked at him. "Was that good?" She repeated. "That was more than just good."

Spencer smiled.

"You sure that was your first time?" You joked.

Spencer chuckled. "It was, I've just done enough reading and watching to know a good amount."

You raised a brow. "Watching, hm?" You knew Spencer was a man, but you never really thought that he might've watched porn.

"Only for research purposes."

You chuckled. "Right....Right"

You laid your head onto Spencer's chest, still trying to catch your breath, Spencer looked up at the ceiling, really pleased with himself.

"Can we do that again?" He asked.

You looked up at him. "Sure, just.. let me catch my breath."

Hello, I hope you guys enjoyed it. This was my first time writing smut, and as you can see, I'm not too good at it, but I'm learning, and if you have any feedback, don't hesitate to give it.

Also, thank you too, you all who sent so much love and reassurance about my first post, I'm glad it reached people, and you all enjoyed it!

[supernotnatural2005]

Headcanon: Comforting you after a loss.

Pairing: Dean x reader, Beau Arlen x Reader, Soldier Boy/Ben x Reader

Warnings/Tags: Mentions of loss, angst, fluff, established relationships

AN: This is just a little something for @jackles010378, I'm sorry you're going through a difficult time, and hope this cheers you up some ❤️

Main Masterlist

Dean Winchester

Dean isn’t great with words when it comes to grief—he knows there’s nothing he can say to take your pain away.

But he’s damn sure not going to let you go through it alone.

The moment he sees the heartbreak in your eyes, he'll pull you into his arms, holding you tightly against his chest.

“I got you, sweetheart,” he'll murmur, pressing a lingering kiss to your crown.

He would stay like that for as long as you needed, grounding you in his warmth, his security.

In the following days, he would watch over you like a hawk—not smothering, but making sure you’re eating, drinking, and not shutting down completely.

He’ll cook you your favourite food, even run in to town to get you your favourite cheeseburger if that's what you wanted.

If you can’t sleep, neither does he. He’ll stay up, letting you rest against him, running his fingers through your hair until it finally lulled you to sleep

And when the grief feels unbearable, when you finally break down in front of him, he'll just hold you, whispering soft reassurances.

“You don’t have to be strong for me, baby. Just let it out. I’m right here.”

He never rushes your healing, never tries to fix what can’t be fixed—he just loves you through it, in the way only Dean Winchester can.

Beau Arlen

Beau doesn’t pretend to have all the answers, but he knows one thing for sure—you’re his, and he’s not going to let you go through this alone.

The first thing he does is hold you.

Not just some half-hearted hug—no, he wraps you up in his arms, pressing slow, lingering kisses to your temple, your cheek, your forehead.

“I got you, sweetheart,” he'll murmur, his voice thick with emotion. “I ain’t goin’ anywhere.”

He checks on you constantly—bringing you coffee, making sure you eat, running his fingers over your back in soothing circles when you can’t bring yourself to get out of bed.

And when the silence in the house feels too heavy, he takes you on a drive—windows down, his hand resting over yours on the gearshift.

“Just us, baby,” he says softly. “Breathe.”

At night, when the weight of your grief is too much, he pulls you onto his lap, cradling you against him.

“I wish I could take this pain away from you,” he admits, pressing his lips against your shoulder. “But I’ll carry as much of it as I can, darlin’.”

He'll hold you for as long as you need, whispering sweet reassurances between soft, lingering kisses, letting you cry into his chest if that’s what you need.

Beau Arlen isn’t just your man—he’s your safe place, and he’ll spend every day reminding you of that.

Soldier Boy/Ben

Gif by @becauseofthebowties

Ben doesn’t do emotions. Not really.

He’s spent decades brushing off pain, cracking jokes, and punching his way through problems.

People cry? He rolls his eyes. People break down? He walks the other way. That’s just how he is.

But you? You’re different.

When he sees you hurting, something inside him tightens, and for once, he doesn’t have some snarky comment locked and loaded.

Instead, he stands there, fists clenching and unclenching at his sides, unsure of what the hell he’s supposed to do.

At first, he tries to be himself about it—gruff, no-nonsense.

“Hey, shit happens. People die, the world keeps turning.”

But when you don’t react, when you just sit there looking so damn lost, he feels something foreign creeping in. Worry.

So, he does the only thing he can think of—he pulls you into his arms, tight, unyielding. His grip is almost bruising, like he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he lets go. 

“I got you, baby,” he mutters against your hair, his voice rough but lacking its usual edge. “I ain’t goin’ anywhere.”

He’s awkward about it—comfort isn’t his thing—but for you, he tries.

He sticks close, hovering even when he pretends he’s not. He won’t outright ask if you’re okay, but suddenly, he’s around more.

Sitting next to you, brushing his fingers against yours, silently daring you to take his hand.

When the grief finally crashes over you, when you collapse against him in sobs, he stiffens at first—old instincts screaming at him to run.

But then he melts, wrapping you up in his arms, pressing rough kisses to the top of your head.

“Shhh, sweetheart,” he mutters, voice softer than you’ve ever heard it. "I got you.”

That night, he doesn’t leave your side. He pulls you into his chest, holds you close, fingers tangled in your hair.

“You’re not alone, doll,” he whispers, voice raw. “Not anymore.”

And maybe he’s never said those words before, but for once, he means every damn one of them.

AN: Okay so this was a new one for me. A first try at Headcanon's 😅 I hope I've done it justice and cheered you up a little @jackles010378 ❤️

If you would like to be tagged in my future works please respond to this >form< so I can add you to the character's you'd like 😊

Dean, Beau, Soldier Boy/Ben Tag List:

@happyfxckinghorrors @crooked-haven @chevroletdean @lyarr24 , @impala67rollingthroughtown @bettystonewell @nancymcl @ambiguous-avery @jollyhunter @tbgfvfdcb @paganvamp @deans-baby-momma @ladykitana90 @riteofpassage77 @jackles010378 @spnaquakindgdom

[angelsdean]

hot take maybe but actually i do expect my mom to comfort me and make me an ice cream sundae when i’m sad even when i get to 40 and she’s 70. my grandma does that for her still. it’s not. limiting her. it’s not saying she only has to be my mommy. i have taken care of her too. it’s saying we love each other and want to take care of each other. mary struggling to be able to interact with grown up sam and dean was very very valid and understandable and i love her for it. she also could’ve maybe tried a little more anyway. they could’ve lent on each other. idk.

Yea i've said before that I think it's a bit outrageous the way people seem to think someone stops being a parent once their child reaches adulthood. Maybe it's a cultural thing, I don't know, but the whole idea of "once your kid turns 18 they're out the door and not your problem anymore" is so deeply flawed IMO. But yea I focus more on "debunking" the claim that Dean expects some sort of motherly coddling / babying from Mary because that seems to be the deancrit take I see the most with regards to this arc / the "i'm not just a mom" scene.

But for sure many people seem to have some weird ideas IMO about what it means to be a parent. Like I think you can feel for Mary and understand that parents can and are more than just parents, but also understand that they will never stop BEING a parent either. Their kids will always be their kids. It's why people always say being a parent is a full time job, not something to go into lightly, that you should be sure you actually want kids and understand that having them is a lifelong commitment etc etc. And having kids makes them become your priority, even when you want to be selfish you always have to try to put them first. Obviously that lessens as they grow up but like, if your adult child were injured or had some kind of health issue / challenges as a parent it's still your job to be there for them, to support them, to care for them. That doesn't just end at 18. It's why *I* know that even though I like the idea of kids I probably never will have any because it's so much responsibility and because those kids are always always going to come first, forever! That's kind of part of the parental "contract" IMO. And even when they're adults, a parent should still be the one person in the world your kid can turn to, rely on, seek comfort in.

And I understand these expectations are complicated in this particular narrative by the fact that Mary died young and is not equipped to be a mother to adults. I think that's such a delicious component that I wish they leaned into more. She is grieving her babies. She is allowed to feel those feelings and feel confused and unsure and struggle with accepting this new dynamic with her children. But a big part of Mary's arc in s12, which culminates in 12x22 with "I need you to see me" is that she is the one stuck in the past, needing to accept her reality and "SEE" her children for who they are now. That's what the arc is moving towards, that acceptance. And after s12 we see her and Dean have a better relationship. We see her still getting to be Mary the person AND Mary the "mom." She hunts, she comes and goes, but she's someone Dean can talk to, share a meal with, spend time together. It's what he always wanted most. He tells her in 14x11 that "just knowing you're around, that you're alive has meant everything to me."

Anyways, I won't ramble about all that again because I've made a bunch of posts about it already. But yes, I think it's normal for Dean (and Sam) to want Mary to comfort them, do nice things for them, the way any parent or really a family member in general might do. They are not asking for kisses on their boo-boos and getting tucked into bed with a bedtime story, which is how a lot of deancrit posts read. What they want is some sort of familial reciprocal care. Like the way Dean spends quality time with those he loves. The way he baked a cake for Jack. Cooks for his family. The way he gives people gifts. The way he fixes Cas's truck. The way he calls to check in on people. He doesn't do these things out of some obligation or playing some "role", he does them because he cares. Because he loves his family, and that's just what family does for each other.

Someone in my tags last night said it very well that what Dean really wanted was just, another family member, to spend time with, to share their joys and burdens with. Someone like Bobby, that he could turn to if he needed. Bobby was a parent figure but he wasn't "parenting" them, y'know? He was someone Dean could lean on, but he didn't expect Bobby to shoulder all his burdens. And I think that's what Dean wants most. Just someone he can lean on and rely on, since he's been having to be the strong one for everyone his whole life.

[yandere-sins]

Hi there long time lurker here for you blog and all your works! I'm not kidding its been a long time and I love your writings. May I request a Jiaoqiu x vidyadhara reader who is a sassy noble person with a sweet and kind heart but she somehow got severely injured?

Thanks for requesting, I'm so glad that you enjoy my blog enough to ascend from the lurking stage! :D Hope to hear more from you in the future!!

»»———————— ♡ ————————««

♡ It's unlikely that Jiaoqiu is the first person to hear about your injury; however, he's the first one you see by your side once you open your eyes again. He sits there, stern-faced, ears twitching. His hand is holding yours almost a bit too tight, with some of his fingers resting on top of your pulse as if he's afraid you'll slip from his grasp. But you don't get the time to ask him why he looks so sullen because he jumps up and calls out to you the second he notices you waking up. Although he hovers over you when it becomes clear that you have regained your conscience, there is a certain distance between you two, and you can't really understand why. Even if you ask if something is the matter, he won't tell you, brushing you off and leaving if you insist on speaking about it. Not for long, just to cool off. After all, he still has to make sure you're fed and taken care of. Jiaoqiu won't allow anyone else to make your food, and he has to be in the room to review any medicine you receive.

♡ The reason why it feels that he's distant is because he is so angry. Angry at you, angry at the circumstances that put you in danger, and the most angry at anyone who hurt or allowed you to get hurt. Jiaoqiu is trying to keep his feelings in check in front of you, but he always knew things would play out like this. Countless times, he told you how reckless you were. That, no matter how good your heart was, you never thought twice before putting your life on the line. You find him flexing his fingers at the murderous thoughts in his mind or have him touch you just a tad too harshly when the feelings interfere with your treatment. He wants to throw all these accusations and emotions at you but refrains. You are a patient, and your recovery is more important to him than anything else.

♡ Especially when your recovery forms you into an adorable little mess for him to figure out. Vidyadhara are tricky organisms, and Jiaoqui does everything he has to learn from Bailu how to treat you properly and then use the knowledge to the best of his abilities. He spends almost more time on research than actually treating you, but he won't allow a single mistake. Nobody is allowed to treat you except him, so you are also counting on him, only adding more pressure. It's all worth it, though, when he can observe you slowly regain your strength and liveliness, the bruises turning back into your skin color and your wounds closing up. No matter how much sleep he loses over it, he wouldn't miss the nights he spends with you for anything; protecting your sleep, slipping into your bed and cuddling with you when the nightmares act up, and getting to be with you when you wake up in the morning, feeling a little better every day.

♡ For a while, your conditions are a blessing as he gets to take care of you properly. Even just the mundane things, like brushing your hair or helping you wash up and dress yourself, thrill Jiaoqui. It's almost a little sad that it has to end. He wants you to be healthy again, he really does! But won't you get yourself in trouble again once you don't need to be on bed rest? Won't you fight again, argue again? Are you going to keep coming back more beat-up than the last time for him to fix? Of course, someone as observant as he is notices your growing restlessness and desire to be up and of help. But this is not just about your self-preservation anymore, it is also about him. What will Jiaoqiu do if, one day, you just don't return at all?

♡ He can push these thoughts aside for a while since it takes time for you to be up and running again. But you begin slipping out of his grasp too quickly for his liking. And when you refuse to even be fed any more, telling him you are ready to go back to "normal" food, Jiaoqiu has to make a decision. "One last meal together," he tells you. One more, and he won't complain about you taking control of your own life again. He insists you take another spoon and another—enough so that the sleeping pill can really take effect.

♡ A patient who's still barely able to wake up can't be released from his care, right? You'll probably not feel so great the next few days, and he can't have you collapse in the street. Jiaoqiu has to at least find out the cause! He tells himself it's only for a few more days. Just one more week. He is merely prolonging the bedrest until you are fully healed—many would beg for a chance to get some good rest, and surely you will appreciate it, too. It's all in your best interest, but he certainly doesn't mind spending some extra cuddle time with you, doting on his favorite person.

♡ And while you are asleep, and he knows you are in a stable condition, he can finally take care of the actual problems that caused you so much harm. Because he still can't and refuses to forgive anyone who put their marks on you and made you suffer. They don't deserve his mercy, and he has feelings that he still needs to flush out of his system so he can give you the love and affection you deserve. Jiaoqiu will make things right, so they won't come to bite you in the butt once you are keeping yourself busy again. Even if it'll take a while longer for you to be back on your feet—that gives him enough time to prolong these wretched people's torture as long as they deserve.

[callme-holly]

I wanted to know how The Outsiders would feel if they brought the reader to Build-A-Bear might have to be like maybe a modern-day Outsiders or, like the reader asked, to go☺️

𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐝-𝐚-𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐫

a/n: this was so cute omggg. also just a heads up my masterlist is too long to add anything so i will need to make a new one eventually!! i will get round to it i swear

Darry Curtis:

Darry would be pretty confused when you first ask if he can take you; he’d always assumed Build-A-Bear was something for kids and that you were far too old to be going. But when he sees how excited you are, he can’t really say no. He’s mainly there to keep an eye on you and to make sure you don't spend too much money. He might make little comments on outfits, and if you insist, he might just get matching bears with you so that yours doesn't get lonely. Despite not having the money, he’ll still pay for everything, telling you not to worry about it and to consider it a date.

Sodapop Curtis:

Soda is totally down to go to Build-A-Bear with you and is probably just as excited to go. He’ll be bouncing off the walls, helping you pick out everything and treating it like it’s a much bigger deal than it actually is.  When it comes down to that silly ritual they make you do with the hearts, he’s encouraging you to do it with him so that the bear has just as much love from both of you. It pretty much becomes your guys’ child, and he will get a bear for himself so that it can match outfits with yours.

Ponyboy Curtis:

Pony is pretty embarrassed about going at first, but he doesn’t turn down the offer of going. He’ll act all sheepish when you drag him inside, but the second he sees everything and just how bright it is, he relaxes and is thrilled to be there. He’s the sort to spend forever picking out the perfect bear and overthinking every single option. If there's a tiny loose thread, he’ll put it back. You need to have the best one there. He’s also a sucker for the little scents they do as well as the audio recordings. 

Johnny Cade:

He’s a little unsure at first, but he’ll agree to go nonetheless and actually adores it. He loves how excited you get the second you walk in, and he can honestly understand why. He’ll help you pick out the softest bear you can find (I'm picturing that little stuffed black dog) and is thrilled to help you pick out outfits. He doesn’t smile the whole time; it probably unlocks some sort of childish feelings in him because he never got to experience anything like it as a kid. Lets you pick the same and is happy with anything, but he’ll hold on to it forever. 

Dallas Winston:

Dallas is so against going at first because he thinks it’s childish and dumb and a massive bruise on his tough ego. When you eventually drag him along anyway, he’ll grumble and complain the whole time about how “damn expensive everything is”, but he will still help you pick out a bear if you ask. He’ll just sort of follow you around, offering half-hearted support and teasing you when you have to do the heat ceremony thing. If you want help picking outfits, the only thing he’s concerned about is the price of it. Don't ask him for name suggestions unless you want something utterly ridiculous. 

Steve Randle:

Steve is surprisingly way too excited about making a bear with you and makes it such a big deal. He’ll pick out cool outfits that are either sports or somehow car-related, helping you dress the bear and parading it around like a trophy.  He’ll tease you for all your choices but   thinks its cute and will insist on getting one of the little scented things. He’s all for going all out, but if you try to buy the bear an entire wardrobe, he’ll have to stop you and remind you that he’s the one paying for everything. He’ll give you ridiculous name suggestions and will treat the bear like his child.

Two-Bit Mathews:

He thrives in Build-A-Bear; it’s like taking a small child along. Everything excites him, and he’ll be all over helping you pick out a bear. He’ll consider every single option, and when you finally settle on one, he acts like he’s just completed a serious mission. Chooses mismatched outfits and ones that he considers “tuff”. Will probably get the bear sunglasses and a leather jacket too. He’s obsessed with the sound boxes, and you know for a fact he’s recording some stupid, secret message to hide in your bear. 

[eternallia]

𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐬, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 (𝐦)

albedo x fem!reader

➽ fandom: genshin impact

➽ genre: mild angst (with happy ending), eventual smut, eventual fluff

➽ summary: After a painful breakup, you haven’t been the same. He left you shattered, unable to move on—but Albedo was there. He wanted to help, and maybe, he could.

➽ tags & warnings: infidelity (not from albedo), explicit language, lots of alchemy stuff, slow burn, self-doubt, healing and self discovery, porn with plot (or more like plot with porn), smut: praising, teasing, breast play, cunnilungus, fingering, rough sex, pet names, unprotect sex, albedo changes when he has sex

➽ word count: 14k

note: after three years i finally wrote something again. sorry in advance, there's a lot of alchemy talk and stuff and i'm not an expert haha. still, i hope you like it!

The air in Dragonspine was frigid and biting, and the sound of the wind resonated with the walls of the campsite. Tears streaked down your cheeks, and they wouldn’t stop no matter how hard you tried. Months had passed since the truth came out, yet your heart refused to move on.

There was a time when you were the happiest. Every aspect of your life was in order, and all the time you spent working hard was finally rewarding you. That changed when a particular person disrupted your sense of self and brought chaos into your life.

You once felt loved, cherished, adored… It all crumbled when he confessed his lies and betrayal, and your world shattered.

So many women were his one and only, and only his sheets knew the depth of his deceits. He only confessed after his lover got pregnant and he had to wed her.

Months later, you looked at the mirror and wondered when you had let yourself go. You used to be perceptive; you were smart, and you never allowed feelings to cloud your thinking.

Yet, where had that perceptive side of you gone?

You couldn’t remember the moment when you became so naive. All those lies, the half-truths, the changes, and his sudden distance were now crystal clear to you. Even so, you didn’t notice them when they were happening. Why?

Your past self would have never made this dumb mistake. There was a reason you were one of the assistants of the Chief Alchemist and Captain of the Investigation of the Knights of Favonius. Working for him was the biggest honor and compliment towards you and your work performance since Albedo rarely allowed himself to spend time with people.

“Wake up, y/n.” You mumbled to yourself while you cleaned your wet cheeks with a handkerchief.

While reorganizing the mess you made on the desk, you came across the cause for your emotional breakdown: your ex’s letter. After admitting his betrayal, he begged you to forgive him and tried to convince you that you still could be together. There was no explanation as to why he thought that was possible, and despite your continuous rejections and refusals to see or talk to him, he wouldn’t give up.

That’s the reason why you had his letter. He delivered a letter every single day to your workplace. Days like today, when you would work in Dragonspine, he would make sure you got them one way or another. 

He had no shame. He lied, he cheated, and he took you for granted. Every single person in Mondstadt knew what he did to you, and he still had the audacity to beg for you to listen to him, to give him another chance.

You took the letter in your hands and read it one last time. Holding the letter over the candle’s flame, you watched the corner catch fire and begin to burn.

Wouldn’t it be good if the fire could burn your sadness too?

With one last look at the letter, you threw it away and let it burn. The wind would take care of the ashes, not you.

Albedo could arrive at any moment, and you needed to arrange the campsite so he could continue with his research. Moreover, you needed to fix yourself so he wouldn’t notice your emotional state. No matter how much trust you had in the chief, you will never forgive yourself if you disappoint him.

“Where did I leave my notebook?” You mumbled, deciding to finally focus on your job. 

Little did you know, Albedo had been watching you for a while. He had arrived some moments after you began crying and decided to wait until your emotional state improved before entering the campsite. He thought it would be best to not let his presence be known, but for some reason he remained close and observed how your inner turmoil destroyed your emotional stability.

He understood that tears were a response from the lacrimal glands, usually provoked by intense injuries or emotions. He noticed the redness surrounding your eyes, a clear indication that you had been crying. Albedo had known you for a long time, and he had never seen you display such behavior. As his assistant, you had experienced various injuries from experiments or attacks, yet none had affected you like this.

This wasn’t a reaction caused by an injury; this was a deep emotional wound.

Albedo has witnessed people consumed in sadness before, but your tears resonated with him more deeply. Is it because he truly cares about your well-being, or is it because of the rarity and discomfort of seeing you in such a vulnerable state?

You were his assistant, and along with Sucrose, you were the only one capable of working alongside him. Over the years, you have proved not only your amazing assisting skills but also that you were an outstanding alchemist. Sometimes, even Albedo was pleasantly surprised at your capabilities.

Even if you didn’t notice it, Albedo had a very high and positive opinion of you.

He wasn’t oblivious to the recent events in your personal life; every time he visited Mondstadt, he could hear the whispers of citizens who openly discussed the details of your ex’s affairs. And even if you tried to hide it from him, he understood how challenging it was for you to move on with your life.

You have always been capable, reliable, and diligent. To see you undone like this was beyond his comprehension. It unsettled him.

Moments after you finished cleaning your mess and arranging the tools and materials Albedo was going to use for today’s work, you heard footsteps approaching the campsite. 

You looked up and saw him walking toward you.

“Good morning.” He greeted nonchalantly, “I see you’re already at work.”

“Good morning, Mr. Albedo. I just finished organizing the materials.” You tried to not look at him so he wouldn’t see your eyes, but you just couldn’t hide yourself from him.

Albedo, the Chief Alchemist, was an enigmatic man, just what one would expect from someone in such a prestigious position. His teal eyes had a sharpness that seemed to see through everything and everyone, including you. He was precise, calm, and methodical—qualities you once found intimidating but now respected. Handsome too, in an almost otherworldly way. 

There was a time your eyes lingered a little too long on the curve of his smile, many years back. 

He was your mentor and colleague, the person you admire the most.

Still, you panicked when your eyes met. And you just knew he saw the redness in your eyes.

“Did something happen?” Albedo politely inquired as he walked towards his desk, searching for his research notebook.

“Oh, it’s nothing. I've just had a lot on my mind lately.” You said, attempting to deflect the question in hopes he wouldn’t press for more.

“I see.” Albedo acknowledged as he grabbed a pen to begin his notes. Though you couldn't see it, a faint show of concern was etched on his brow.

You let out a sigh of relief, hoping he wouldn't pry further. You weren’t sure if he didn’t notice your emotional state or just decided to ignore it, but you were grateful for the lack of comments.

Albedo observed what you had prepared on the alchemist’s table and looked over the notes of the experiment. Everything was properly organized and ready to use, just as always. The only difference was a barely visible wet patch, proof of your earlier cry. He thought the wisest thing to do would be to keep quiet about it.

“Let’s start with the samples of the Frostglaze Crystals; let’s see what kind of information we can discover by analyzing its components.”

“Understood, Mr. Albedo.”

And so you began your experiment of the day. Recently, a group of adventurers decided to participate in an expedition to the depths of The Chasm. There were doubts of their success, but they surprised everyone with their return. Some of the members of the expedition worked in the Investigation Team of The Knights of Favonius and gave many samples and materials to the team. As the chief, Albedo decided to do some research on some of them.

As the experiment progresses, you are in charge of measuring and checking the ingredients, taking notes of everything, and handing Albedo everything he needs. He ordered; you did it. He needed something; you delivered. It was a mechanical process you had already mastered in your years working at his side.

But it seemed like today wasn't your day.

You were nervous, and your mind occasionally wandered to memories of your ex or the contents of the letter he sent you today. For some reason, you had managed to help Albedo directly so he could focus on his task, but more than once you forgot to write down information about the experiment.

Focus, y/n. You need to focus.

The results of this experiment could be a chance to discover its original form, and with it, its origins. You couldn’t make any mistakes. 

So why did your mind keep remembering when your ex ventured to Dragonspine—without a vision—to bring you your bag of supplies you had forgotten in his house the night prior? His legs trembling, his rapid breathing, and his shocked expression after barely escaping from a Hilichurl. 

You had never felt so scared, but so taken care of at the same time. He seemed so devoted to you. He was so caring. But your heart broke a little more when you did the math and realized he was already lying to you that time.

With a wobbling lip and your vision clouding, you failed to see that you poured too much of the aetherial distillate in the flask, and it overflowed. The crystal-clear liquid fell onto the open bottle of Luminis Essence and provoked an uncontrollable emission of colored smoke. You involuntarily inhaled the smoke and felt a burning sensation in your nose that caused you to cough violently. 

You didn't even have time to react before Albedo quickly took control.

He neutralized the smoke by encapsulating the flask with geo crystals and moving it outside of the campsite. The remaining smoke quickly disappeared with the help of Dragonspine’s winds. 

“Mistakes happen. There’s nothing that can’t be fixed.” Albedo said in a calm tone, almost soothing, when he returned to the campsite.

Yet you didn’t believe it. What if that smoke put your health at risk? In all your years working as an alchemist, you have never messed up this bad. What was worse, you had never committed a mistake in front of Albedo, never. And now, you had luck; it was just smoke. What if it was an explosion? What would you have done if there had been an explosion? What would have happened if you had ruined the experiment?

This wasn’t like you.

There must be something wrong with you.

“I’m very sorry, Mr. Albedo…” Your voice was shaking, and your hands trembled. “I should’ve been more careful. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Tears welling up in your eyes.

Albedo remained silent for a few seconds, which made you feel worse than you already did. Then he finally spoke.

“Perfection doesn’t exist, particularly in alchemy. Errors are not only unavoidable but also part of the process. And often, these so-called ‘mistakes’ produce extraordinary outcomes.” His voice was soft and comforting.

For a second time in the day, there were tears streaming down your cheeks. You wanted them to stop, to hide them from Albedo, but you couldn’t do it. The disappointment swelling in your chest was a reminder of your failures—to Albedo, to your work, and most importantly, to yourself.

“You’ve been going through a complicated period in your life; don’t blame yourself for being human.” Albedo reassured gently, but it did little to soothe your guilt.

You sobbed while hearing his words. Albedo stood by your side, offering consolation, and you found yourself torn between chastising yourself for needing his comfort and wholeheartedly enjoying it. Little did you know, those words were what you needed to hear.

“I’m so, so sorry.” You managed to say between sobs, your tears blurring Albedo’s face.

He remained silent. Albedo turned his back on you and began cleaning the workstation and conceded some time to yourself, which you spent trying to calm yourself down. His mind raced with thoughts about what had just happened and what he should do now. You have been struggling internally and keeping everything from him, which makes him cautious about what he says. For some reason, he dislikes the situation.

After what felt like an eternity, you finally managed to compose yourself. As Albedo meticulously organized and cleaned all the remains of the Frostglaze Crystal and your disaster, his movements were purposeful but silent.

“Why…?” You sniffled. Albedo raised his gaze to look at you. “Did I ruin the experiment?” You would never forgive yourself if you had done that.

“We will continue another time.” It was all he said about it, and before your mood soured once again, he continued. “There’s something more important we need to do, and I need your assistance.”

Confused, you approached the desk in which Albedo was placing some papers with some sketches and notes. You haven’t heard anything from him about a new research or experiment. In fact, you usually were the one who managed those things. Perhaps Albedo forgot to mention this experiment to you.

Albedo’s eyes glinted with excitement as he declared, “There’s an idea I had for a few months that I would like to develop.” Albedo glanced up from the desk that was now full of papers filled with different types of information and drawings.

“I want to create a new catalyst.” He continued. You inhaled sharply at what he said, astonished at what he said, but remained quiet and let him continue. “One that draws elemental energy more efficiently to the wielder. To achieve this, we must conduct extensive research, find the proper materials, and fully understand the science behind elemental flow.”

Albedo revealed his notes scattered across the desk, showcasing various minerals, metals, gems, and sketches of potential catalysts. It was one of the most ambitious ideas you had ever encountered.

It was no secret that Albedo was an ambitious man when talking about alchemy and what he desired to discover. Although the main goal for his continuous research remained a mystery, he always sought to uncover every single thing in Teyvat in order to find the truth he so desperately wanted.

However, creating a catalyst, an object whose mechanism was already well-defined, was not something you ever anticipated to do in your time as Albedo’s assistant.

No matter how you reacted to this situation, you were sure you did it wrong.

“That’s where you come in.” Albedo declared, his eyes still looking at you. 

You blinked in surprise, unsure if you had heard correctly. 

“What do you mean by that…?” Your voice faltered. There was no way he would want you in such a challenging project; you must have misinterpreted what he said. 

“I have worked alongside you long enough to see your capabilities and conclude your skills will be invaluable for this project.” He explained, his expression serene, contrasting sharply with your racing heart.

“You must be mistaken… Just a few minutes ago I was one substance away from creating a hazard.” He must have forgotten; it would explain why he was asking you this.

Albedo frowned at your words, and you almost regretted what you said. “I don’t appreciate the suggestion that I’m wrong when I’m not.” He said firmly. “I wouldn’t have invited you to participate if I didn’t believe in your abilities.” His gaze was unwavering. 

“I—” It was difficult to articulate an answer after that. “I’m sorry.”

You weren’t sure if your poor apology was directed to his words or to the lack of an appropriate answer.

However, could he really ignore your previous error and the disappointing performance you had in the past months? Although today was the first time you were at fault for committing such a mistake, you were sure you had been working poorly in comparison to the months prior to your breakup. Even though he kept quiet about it, you knew he noticed.

In your current state, it was difficult for you to understand why he had such a high opinion of you. If he needed support, Sucrose would be a much better option. Despite both of you being Albedo’s assistants, you took on a more administrative role while she often shared the same curiosity to experiment like Albedo did.

Albedo looked at you as you directed your gaze to the floor, shoulders slumped and fingers fidgeting. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, regretting his words.

Albedo took the sketch of an already existing catalyst and showed it to you. “This would be our starting point. We are not looking to create a catalyst from zero but a new type that is capable of enhancing the energy output and, if possible, autonomy. Alchemy should make it more efficient for the wielder’s elemental power.” 

It made sense to you. Creating a catalyst wouldn’t achieve anything besides a self-sense of accomplishment for understanding the mechanisms it had to function as a channel of elemental energy. Albedo’s purpose for this project would be to improve the already existing mechanisms for better performance or, ambitiously, infuse autonomous abilities.

“Exactly.” Albedo agreed with a subtle smirk. The sudden sound of his voice startled you; you didn’t notice you were speaking out loud.

You felt your cheeks heat up at the satisfied look Albedo gave you.

“Have you started this project already? Do you have a concept model?” 

“No, all of this here is already existing information of other catalysts and materials used for their fabrication. The idea I shared with you is something I had in my mind; maybe I have some notes in my notebook but nothing else.”

You hummed in response. Perhaps that was the reason why you hadn’t heard about this before.

You walked towards the desk to look at the information gathered. Crystal cores would help to stabilize the energy source, and the Cor Lapis could work as a solid base of the structure.

“The Whopperflower Nectar could help as an organic conductor of energy flow.” Albedo suggested while handing you a paper full of descriptions of the priorities of the nectar. 

You leaned in to grab the paper, and your shoulders brushed Albedo’s arm. Both of you noticed but remained quiet and continued discussing the possible components of the catalyst.

“So… What do you think?” Albedo asked. He meant if you were going to participate in this project. 

You were nervous, and there was a small amount of fear of you failing again. Due to the lies you discovered about your past relationship months after they happened, you didn’t trust yourself the way you used to. As a researcher, it hit you hard knowing you were incapable of figuring out the deceptions of your ex. Even though your job and your personal life were not related, you still view your situation as a consequence of your own uselessness.

Still, this project awakened something in you you hadn’t felt in a long time. Eagerness. 

You hesitated, a little unsure about your answer. “It sounds…challenging.”

“That’s the point. We’ll work through it together.” He encouraged; his eyes gleamed with excitement.

After a few seconds of silence, you finally nodded. “All right, let’s do it.” Your heartbeat drummed loudly.

For the past few days, you had been working on the project of designing a catalyst with Albedo. It seemed inefficient to continue working at the campsite in Dragonspine. It was Albedo’s favorite location to do his research since it provided the commodity only the lack of people could offer: quietude. However, for a project that promised extensive research and long work hours, constantly traveling to Dragonspine would be too tiresome and time-consuming.

As a result, Albedo and you settled in working in one of the alchemy labs inside of the Knights of Favonius Headquarters. It was the Chief Alchemist’s personal lab, one of the perks Albedo had as the chief. It was a big room, with bookshelves lined with tomes and research notes, a massive central worktable with a cauldron in the center, and some vials and scrolls.

The room was full of useful tools such as tubes, glass beakers, mortars, and pestles on every single surface you could see. However, you could still see Albedo’s influence in the lab. There were sketches pinned on the walls, some of formulas, others of Mondstadt and Dragonspine’ landscapes. You could even see some small wooden figurines in some corners.

As you progressed in your project, the space cluttered with the results of your research. Despite your excitement about the possibility of holding the end result of your work, there were steps that needed to be followed in order to achieve your final goal. First, you needed to conclude the theoretical outline of the catalyst. You were also doing some rough sketches and deciding the components it will have.

Over the course of this first step, your eagerness to work on the project grew each day, a rare spark of excitement that felt different from any other research. Yet, there was a lingering uncertainty that clung to you. Every time you made a move, you questioned yourself if you were truly capable of doing this. And no matter how much you wanted to believe otherwise, the hesitation never fully faded.

“Could you show the research log, please?” Albedo asked and extended his hand to you, waiting for it while his eyes were busy reading a scroll.

“Of course, here it is.” 

Knights of Favonius Alchemical Research Log

Project Lead: Albedo

Research Assistant: Y/N

Project Title: Development of an Advanced Alchemical Catalyst

Lab Location: Knights of Favonius HQ—Alchemy Division

1. Research Objective

To create a catalyst infused with stabilized alchemical energy to enhance elemental control and efficiency.

To ensure the catalyst is safe, durable, and responsive to the wielder’s energy signature.

The following was a record of all the important information needed to proceed successfully with this research. Albedo put you in charge of documenting everything that will be fundamental for this, so you had been doing an exhausting research of all the materials and methods to use, hypothesizing the results, and substantiating the theory behind your project.

Albedo took the log from your hands. At some points of the day, he would read what you added to it and add his opinions.

“Looks good.” He acknowledged while returning you the log. “What did you gather about the materials to use for the core and frame?” 

“It seems that Noctilucous Jade, Crystal Marrow, and Cor Lapis are the best initial candidates, but we still need to test them.” 

“Explain.”

“The Noctilucous Jade reacts to elemental energy and has the potential to stabilize it, the Crystal Marrow increases the strength and toughness of metals, and the Cor Lapis could offer reinforcement to the frame due to its durability.” 

Something that once was like a conversation between Albedo and you now made you feel apprehensive. There was this fear of forgetting what you were supposed to say or confusing the different answers in your head. Albedo was an expert alchemist; he could notice if you mistook condensate with concentrate.

If the questions become more difficult, would you be able to answer them?

“Where are the samples for the tests?” He raised his gaze and looked directly at you, his teal eyes making you nervous.

“I already requested them to be deliv…”

You couldn’t finish your sentence before the door creaked open, and a familiar voice hesitated at the entrance.

“Mr. Albedo? I have the materials you requested.”

Sucrose stepped inside, carefully balancing a wooden crate in her arms. There was a faint scent of minerals and damp stone along with a glow coming from the bottom of the crate. 

“Sucrose! Perfect timing, thank you so much.” You ran to help her and grabbed the crate to leave it on the central table, next to the log you recently reviewed with Albedo.

“It's nothing. Please let me know if you need anything else; I’m glad to help.” She smiled at you and then handed you the list of materials you ordered in Albedo’s name. You peered inside and made sure all of them were in the crate before signing the list and returning it to her.

Sucrose adjusted her glasses. “Will you be synthesizing these components right away?”

Albedo hummed in thought. “Not immediately; we still need to test them in specific conditions. I expect a few adjustments before reaching anything stable.”

Sucrose nodded, her expression filled with quiet admiration. “Understood. Let me know if you need assistance.” With a final glance at you and an encouraging thumbs up, she excused herself and exited the lab.

Albedo then turned to you. “Shall we begin?”

Four weeks had passed since the start of the catalyst project. The lab was filled with notes, half-finished sketches, and an assortment of materials.

At this point you were basically living in the lab, only leaving at late hours of the night to go home to eat, shower, and sleep before returning in the morning after the same routine to the lab. Every day was a challenge. Once you got results or figured something out, a new problem appeared. You knew you were progressing fast compared to other alchemists, but every bump on the way felt like a mountain you had to climb in order to reach the other side.

Frustration crept in; after three days of being stuck on the same obstacle, you were slowly losing confidence. The repeated failures were taking a toll on your spirit. The eagerness and excitement you had at the beginning were slowly fading away. Your fingers tremble as you try to get the catalyst’s core mechanism to stabilize the flow of elemental energy, but it keeps flickering due to its instability. 

You watch as the experiment fails… Again.

You can’t even manage a basic stabilization. Without it, you wouldn’t be able to continue with the rest of the steps.

No wonder he said you weren’t enough. 

The memory of your ex resurfaced, and the shadow of his words loomed over you. His voice echoed in your ears, forcing you to remember his excuses when you begged him to tell you why he looked for others, why you weren’t enough for him.

You could feel your eyes stinging with unshed tears. Maybe he was right; maybe you weren't enough. For him, for your work, for your chief… You weren’t good enough for you. 

“How is the stabilization going?” Albedo steps in, startling you and almost making you drop the experimental sample. You were so distracted with your inner thoughts that you didn't notice his presence.

He leans in, your shoulders brushing, and starts to examine the core mechanism and grabs it to look at it better. You are nervous, and some worry starts to set in as you look at how concentrated he seems. The self-deprecating remarks faded at Albedo’s calming presence. In these weeks working alongside him, you have become closer and more relaxed with him.

“What if the problem isn’t with the materials but rather with the energy flow?” Albedo suggested.

Why are the materials not the problem?

After the various rounds of tests to identify the most compatible and efficient materials to design the core mechanism, you knew they were perfect conductors of energy. If they weren’t, the core mechanism wouldn’t work at all. No flickering and no surging. So, in reality, the properties and refinement of the materials are perfectly adequate.

Why is the energy flow the solution?

The reasoning behind energy flow is that energy must travel through the right pathways to work efficiently. When talking about catalysts, they must direct and regulate their internal energy properly.

Then, what if the instability is caused by an imbalance in the pathways of the energy flow? You almost jumped from your seat to grab the blueprint and revisit the structure of the mechanism.

Imbalance.

An imbalance in the pathways…

There it is! You almost scream in delight when you finally see that there’s a misalignment in the channels causing an overload in one of the sections and a shortage in another. You quickly but carefully adjust the placement of the elemental core, shifting it by a few degrees to align with the pathways. 

You were almost done; only the refinement was missing. You grabbed the engraving tool tightly, your pulse quickening. This was going to be difficult, but you knew you could do it. You adjusted the grooves, scraping away excess material and redrawing key lines, hoping to direct the flow more evenly.

For a moment, nothing changed.

Then, finally, the movement steadied, and it glowed, the energy moving smoothly through the patterns. You exhaled, tension still lingering in your shoulders, but relief washing over you. 

“It’s working.” You wanted to cry, but this time in happiness. You did it. 

Albedo’s hand came to rest on your head, his fingers pressing lightly in a quiet gesture of acknowledgment before pulling away. “Well done.” He smiled, and a strange warmth bloomed in your chest; you returned the smile.

You were capable of solving this.

You were good enough.

The once-busy corridors of the HQ were now quiet, the usual chatter replaced with the occasional echo of the few knights who remained in the building. It was late at night; the laboratory’s light was now dim. You were exhausted after a long day working on the catalyst’s experimental sample.

After completing the core mechanism successfully, you spent several weeks finalizing the design and gathering the materials for the first assembly of a non-functional model. Before making the experimental prototype, you needed to test the physical form of the catalyst. Fortunately, the complications were minimal, and the progress was advancing smoothly.

Despite your exhaustion, you felt a sense of accomplishment after all your hard work. Some doubt occasionally crept in, but you focused on something else, and you forgot about it. After all, Albedo was happy with the direction the project had taken and reassured you it was because of your work. 

“I believe it’s getting late; we should wrap up for the day.” Albedo let out a tired breath as he put his pen down, rubbing his temple with his fingers. There was a heaviness in his movements, showing his weariness after a long day.

You noticed the drop of his shoulders and the way his eyes lingered on the mess on his desk; it seemed he had no energy to arrange anything. His blonde hair was even messier than any other day, some strands falling across his forehead. At some point he had taken his white coat off, revealing the dark fabric clinging to his body and making it hard to ignore how well it fitted him. Without his coat, he looked more relaxed and comfortable.

When your eyes met his, there was something different in the way you looked at each other. You weren’t sure if it was for the tiredness, the closeness, or the lack of contact with other people, but you wondered if you had ever truly looked at him before.

“I will make sure to arrange the place, Mr. Albedo. You can leave for the day.” You diverted your look to the mess on the desk. Even if you were exhausted, he looked weary too, and you could offer help.

“No, I will help you.” He informed you as he began organizing his things.

“There’s no need; I know you need some rest.”

The look he gave you indicated he thought you needed one too, and you felt your cheeks burn in embarrassment. You didn’t want to look at yourself in the mirror, but you knew there were bags under your eyes, a mess in your hair, and traces of dirt on your clothes.

“If we both help, we can leave earlier. Besides, it’s getting darker, and I don’t want you to walk to your house alone. I will accompany you.”

You blinked, caught off guard at his offer. Even if it wasn’t common, there had been instances when you had to walk home late and he didn’t offer to join you, but it was true this was the first time it was so late. Although Mondstadt was a rather safe city, there was still some danger lurking around.

“Oh, but you don’t have to…” But the way he tilts his head, as if the thought of not walking you home never even occurred to him, makes you trail off. Your heartbeat stumbles slightly. "...Alright."

After some time, you leave the Knights of Favonius HQ with Albedo by your side. The night air was cool and crisp, and the quiet atmosphere made you more aware of the sounds of the wind and low talk from the awoken citizens. 

As you walk side by side, there’s a natural closeness between the two. These two months you have spent together working on the catalyst have forced the two of you to work in a reduced space for long hours of the day, making you interact in ways you hadn’t done before. There was more small talk than before; you laughed at the jokes Albedo occasionally said, he would reassure you every time you felt overwhelmed, and he would guide you when he noticed you were stuck in a dilemma.

With how busy you two were, it was not rare you just realized how your relationship had grown. A faint smile appeared on your lips at the thought of getting close to someone else again.

“You seem happy.” Albedo acknowledges, his eyes on you. Despite the lack of light, he noticed the content expression on your face.

“I just… I’m very honored you asked me to join you in this project; I never thought we would achieve so much.” It was true, the initial doubts you had in Albedo’s decision to help him were still there, but this has been one of the best experiences you had as an alchemist.

“My opinion still stands; you are the only one capable of doing this with me, and I was correct. Just a glance at the log and you can see how much you have contributed to it.” His words produced a warm sensation in you, delighted that someone like Albedo recognized your capabilities and effort.

“I still want to thank you.” As you walk, the moonlight suddenly makes you feel sentimental. “I used to think I could do anything as long as I had someone there for me, but then, when I had no one, I realized how wrong that was.”

There was a time you trusted your ex to be there every time you needed it. So, when he wasn’t there to hold you anymore, you fell.

“I’m finally learning that, even if there’s a sense of emptiness in my chest, I can support myself.” You hoped one day that emptiness would leave, but for the meantime, you were retaking control of yourself. “And I believe the opportunity you gave me helped me to realize that. So, thank you.”

You had arrived at your house. Both of you stood outside, facing each other. You hadn’t realized how close you were standing until now. The dim light of the moon cast a faint glow on Albedo’s face, highlighting the sharp contours of his face. His gaze, unreadable, rested on you.

Your heart stuttered. 

It wasn’t just the way he looked at you, but also the weight his eyes had on you. As if seeing something you still didn’t know. The space between the two felt smaller every second, almost allowing you to hear the sound of his breathing.

“You did that by yourself; I will not take any credit from it.” Even if his voice was very low, it was loud in your ears.

You swallowed, suddenly too aware of how his eyes flickered over your face, as if looking for something. He lifted his hand, his fingers brushing lightly against your skin. The touch was barely there; yet, it was enough to make your breath hitch. Maybe it was you, but you felt his touch lingering for a second too long.

“...There was dust here.” He murmured, his voice quieter than usual.

Suddenly, you were hyperaware of everything he did. You glanced up; he was calm, focused, and heavier. A hint of a smirk emerged, and your pulse fluttered.

“Rest well; I will see you tomorrow.” 

And as you watch him leave, you are left with a flood of emotions, wondering what happened. Unsure of where this is leading to, at least you were sure something shifted in your relationship with Albedo.

The shadow of your past was slowly fading.

It had been a week since the day Albedo took you to your home. Thankfully, the following days were as usual; you two were busy working on completing the experimental sample, and you were close to finding the right structure. However, you were unable to ignore how that moment you shared some nights ago had shaken the way you saw and interacted with him. 

Your eyes now lingered too long on his movements; his eyes made you rethink what you were saying, and his smile drew your gaze to it. There was no stopping the little jump your heart did whenever his shoulders brushed yours, and you were worried about what this could mean to you.

The inner struggle you were having was making your head spin, and having to see and interact with Albedo most of the day was not helping. As a result, you decided to go out after finishing today’s work and go have dinner with one of the closest friends you had: Lisa, the Librarian of the Knights of Favonius. 

It was an interesting relationship the two of you shared; she was like an older sister. She was much older than you, in a way that made you feel she had lived more than what she looked, but regardless of that, she had been one of your biggest supporters since you joined the Knights of Favonius. 

Currently, you were waiting for Lisa at one of the tables at Good Hunter. Although it was night, the city was illuminated with the soft light of the lanterns. Its glow cast a golden pool of light over the restaurant, giving it a sense of warmth and making the night feel less lonely and more cozy.

You were lost in thought, staring at the candle on your table, absentmindedly circling with your finger the candle holder.

“Darling, unless you’ve obtained a pyro vision, I’d say that poor candle has endured enough of your longing stares.”

Lisa slid into the seat in front of you, propping an elbow on the table as she studied you with knowing eyes. There is nothing you can hide from her, and you shouldn’t even try to.

“What’s on your mind? And don’t say ‘nothing’; you’re far too deep in thought for that.” She warned and sent a wink towards Sara, the waitress, who chuckled and began preparing the food Lisa usually orders.

“Do you tend to order by winking instead of talking?” You made fun of her, and she raised her eyebrow at you.

“Believe me, cutie, a wink at the correct moment will get you anything.” You laughed at what she confidently said. “Go on, spill. You know I’m much better company than that flame.”

And so, you did. It wasn’t easy to admit what was going on in your mind as you felt embarrassed at the situation you were in, but Lisa had something that made you feel confident with her. The only downside is that you were not leaving this table without some teasing from her part. And at some point, Sara served you your food, and you both ate as you spoke.

“I see… So, you’re working late nights with the ever-enigmatic Chief Alchemist; he walks you home like a true gentleman, and now you find yourself thinking about him at odd hours? My, my, whatever could that mean?” Lisa smirked teasingly after you finished talking as she poked at her food with her fork.

“Don’t say it like that.” Your skin burned with embarrassment; she wasn’t going to let you off easily any time soon.

“He’s quite easy on the eyes, don’t you think so?” She provoked you, knowing damn well you agree with her. His handsome looks were something you noticed from the moment you met him; you just were more aware of it now.

“He is…” You shyly admitted. “But that doesn’t mean there’s something else; we just have gotten closer the last few months with all our work.” Lisa giggled at your poor attempts to excuse your feelings.

“Cutie, you can insist nothing’s happening all you want. But the way your eyes have a spark when you talk about him? That tells me everything.” Her gaze softens on you.

“It’s just complicated, Lisa.” You let out an exhausted sigh, your back resting against the chair. 

“Is it really?”

“No… Mr. Albedo is certainly an attractive man, but this is not about that. We have spent too much time together because of the project; it’s natural that I… I don’t know; notice things about him.” 

That was what you wanted to believe; these emotions you were feeling were just the effects of work overload and your proximity. In all the time you had worked as Albedo’s assistant, you were never under these conditions; that was the only explanation. Besides, there was a lingering thought at the back of your mind, and you couldn’t yet dare to bring it out.

“Besides, he’s my superior. It would be completely inappropriate for me to think of him in any other way.” That was another issue you couldn’t ignore; you were his assistant. How could you even think of him in an unprofessional way?

Lisa’s eyes sparkled with mirth at your words. “Ah, so that’s what is bothering you? The forbidden nature of it all?” She smirks, but before you can say anything, she continues. “I know what you think, darling, but is this really about your roles? Do you think that in the free city of Mondstadt, your dynamic as chief and assistant creates an invisible barrier between you two?” 

“I—I don’t…” You couldn’t answer truthfully because Lisa was slowly pushing away every one of your excuses.

“There are many scholars and knights who worked under someone they admired and then began a not-so-professional relationship with them, you know? And no one had a problem with that; there are many examples in the city.” 

She didn’t lie; no one batted an eye at those types of relationships. This wasn’t just about your growing awareness toward Albedo’s looks or touches; it was something deeper you didn’t want to admit. Yet, you had to. Because only by facing the truth would you move on.

You let out a sigh, deciding to finally tell her the real reason. “I guess I’m scared of what I’m feeling.”

The wounds of your past continued to make you doubt. Every day it was easier to deal with them as they were slowly vanishing from your mind. However, there was a wound you couldn’t get over, as someone you once trusted and loved left scars deep inside of you that made it difficult to see someone else as nothing more than friends. 

Lisa gave you a soft and understanding look. “Oh, sweetheart. You’re hesitant, and that’s understandable. This is new, unexpected, and maybe you don’t feel ready. You’ve been through a lot, but don’t let the past decide how you feel about your present.”

You knew she was right. Only by letting the past stay in the past would you move on. Still, it was complicated; your ex was someone who caused more harm than good. Leaving him in your past was not easy.

“Has he left you alone?” She asked curiously; she knew how he refused to leave you alone. 

“He keeps sending me occasional letters, but he doesn’t try to see me anymore. To be honest, I have been too busy to notice when he comes.” The last time you heard anything about him was four days ago when a knight notified you that you had received a letter, but you didn’t even accept it, telling him to throw it away.

“Mmm, maybe he is finally giving up?” 

The possibility of that was low, but it would bring great relief to your life and your feelings. It had been like seven months since you ended your relationship with him; it was time for him to realize you didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.

As you wondered if you would finally be free of him, Lisa’s gaze drifted past you, her expression shifting just lightly. Her eyes dimmed, and her previous expression was replaced by something more calculating. 

“Oh, darling. What a shame we live in such a small city.” She murmured, lifting her drink and taking a small sip.

She didn’t have to say anything to know what she meant. You turned your head and saw the last thing you wanted to see. Your ex was approaching the restaurant with his now wife next to him and his baby in her arms. They didn’t look like a lovey-dovey couple, but there was a proximity between them that wasn’t there the last time you saw them, many months ago.

It seemed like they didn’t notice you were there, as you weren’t the only ones in the restaurant, but once they were too close, he finally saw you. His eyes initially passed over you, not recognizing you at first, but something made him look again. His posture shifts, shoulders tightening as he looks away a little too fast. 

A mocking chuckle leaves your mouth, and Lisa looks surprised at that, but how could you not laugh when his reaction is so different from seeing you when he's with his new family? Before, he would almost cry, go after you, and just look at you with clear sadness and regret in his eyes. Now, he clearly looked uncomfortable.

Like Lisa said, has he finally given up? Or is it the guilt of showcasing his new relationship in front of his ex?

“I don’t get it; Albedo is much more pleasant to see than him. Besides, he is rather charming in his own way.” Lisa compared Albedo with your ex, clearly wanting to lighten the mood. 

Her words made you think. Your ex was by no means an unattractive man. After all, there was a reason for how he had many women enchanted over him behind your back. He had his brown hair neatly styled, and his honey-colored eyes carried a certain charm. He was of a strong build, not overly muscular but well-proportioned. Overall, he was the kind of person who looks effortlessly put together.

However, Lisa was right. The first time you saw him, you remember thinking he looked inhumanly beautiful. His platinum-blond hair catches the light of the sun, his teal eyes drown you without effort, and his light skin is smooth. His presence was impossible to ignore as his beauty was delicate yet arresting. He was ethereal. 

“It doesn’t bother me…” Was what you said after remaining quiet for a few seconds? Your thoughts had drifted away after thinking of the situation. 

You were no longer staring at your ex, deciding to ignore them and focus on how you felt about the situation. You saw him, and for a moment you felt the heartbreak, the self-doubt, the nights wondering if you were ever enough for him. But as he stood there, you saw a stranger; there was no longing, no anger, and no resentment. The only thing you felt was the weight of his actions, which harmed the way you saw yourself. 

That’s what it hurts. You didn’t suffer for losing him, but you did because you lost yourself in the process. 

“You’re right, Lisa… Albedo is much more interesting than him.” You jokingly said, refusing to give more attention to the new and happy family behind you and eating the food from your plate. 

And as you refused to acknowledge them anymore, they stood there, unable to get closer to the restaurant they had decided to have dinner to have one of their weekly ‘bonding moments.’. That’s how the father of the wife said to force them to present their newlywed status.

Lisa saw everything. The way their eyes looked at you, one with yearning and guilt and the other with anger and envy. The innocent baby is asleep, ignorant of everything. And in a moment you were too distracted to notice, she mischievously grinned and pointed out for them to leave.

And they did so without complaining.

As the night progressed, Lisa kept asking and teasing you, more interested in encouraging you to acknowledge your growing feelings for Albedo. Making sure the topic of your ex remains buried in the past. 

Every day you were closer to the ending of the catalyst project. The lab was a mess; there were papers scattered across the table, pieces of the different parts of the catalyst, and some of the tools had fallen to the ground. The experimental sample was completed, Albedo designed a perfect model for the catalyst, and you analyzed the components and structure to do the final adjustments. With the completion of that, you could move on to the experimental prototype. 

This was the first example of how the catalyst was going to be, and it’s where you were going to test everything you did until this point. 

It was an unpredictable phase; you had already discovered some failures and mistakes you previously did in the construction of the parts, but the prototype was working. Unstable, but working. 

Your fingers ached, but you barely noticed—or cared. The last few days were blurry in your mind; you had spent hours bent over work, scribbling and rewriting. You barely registered; you hadn’t eaten much in the day, and it was only when Albedo reminded you that you dedicated some time to eat.

There was no time to waste; the project had to be completed, and you were so close to completing it.

As you struggled to piece together a solution for the overheating issue, you didn’t notice how Albedo’s fingers brushed over the tools and papers scattered on the table, subtly organizing them in a way that made it easier for you to use them. You also didn’t see how Albedo pushed a paper with some information about heat dissipation mechanisms, too engrossed in your task.

“That’s not how you do it.” You exhaled sharply, rolling your shoulders back. 

Maybe if you placed some conduits, it would redirect the heat to secondary components that can handle higher temperatures. You grabbed the paper Albedo discreetly handed and confirmed it could be a solution. 

You barely registered the way Albedo leaned against the desk next to you, arms crossed and his eyes watching intently what you were doing. You noticed how the candlelight softened his features, a stark contrast to the usual sharpness he carried. 

However, there was no time to think about it. If you start to think about him, it is going to be difficult to focus again. Right now, you couldn’t distract yourself.

It was complicated to explain how and when you had taken control of the catalyst project; in fact, you didn’t remember. Yet, you knew two things: doing this was making you feel like an alchemist again, and you wanted to prove to yourself—and Albedo—you could be one.

And when you tested the results of adjusting the temperature conduits and succeeded in fixing the overheating problem, you knew you couldn’t stop. 

No matter how exhausted you were, this was a test for you to see what you were capable of. And you were determined to win.

Something was missing. 

The catalyst was technically completed. Of course, the only stage left was the tests with the help of the vision-holders. However, when you observed the catalyst to see if everything was done, you couldn’t shake the feeling that it needed something else.

The reinforcement was done, the fine-tuning too; you double-checked everything and didn't find any errors. As you traced your fingers on its surface, you wondered what it was missing. And when you reached the middle of the catalyst and saw the blank and smooth surface, you knew what it was.

With steady hands you grabbed the rune carver and engraved the constellation of Aries. Just a little but meaningful touch for you. When the engraving begins glowing, you exhale in relief.

The prototype was, as you knew, completed. Now, it feels complete. 

Hearing footsteps approaching, you turned around and saw Albedo, his eyes fixed on the completed prototype of the catalyst and observing every detail. Your heart was pounding in your chest, anxiety beginning to creep up. His gaze then turned towards you, and as your breath hitched, he grinned brightly, and his eyes shone with something inexplicable.

He placed his hand on your shoulder and spoke. “You did it, congratulations.”

“No! Thank you, Mr. Albedo.” You were flustered; for a moment, you forgot this was Albedo’s research project.

“Mmm, why are you thanking me?” His grin turned into a full smirk, and you suddenly had the feeling he knew something that you didn’t.

“Because this is your project?” There was confusion in your voice as you watched him hide a laugh. “So, I appreciate you letting me work with you on this. It was an incredible experience.” And it was, you were incredibly thankful.

“Was it?” He took a step back and perched on the edge of the table, crossing his arms.

“Yes?” 

“This was my idea, yes… However, is it correct to call it my catalyst project?” He asked you, challenging you to decipher the meaning behind his words.

You were utterly bewildered. 

This was Albedo’s research project; he presented the idea of creating a catalyst enhanced with alchemical procedures, and you worked alongside him to complete it. Whatever Albedo was saying, you still didn’t get it.

Albedo chuckled at your expression, grabbed a pile of documents, and handed them to you.

It was the research log. As you flipped through the pages, looking for what you were supposed to find out, something caught your eye. 

Knights of Favonius Alchemical Research Log

Project Leader: Y/N

Research Assistant: Albedo

Project Title: Development of an Advanced Alchemical Catalyst

Lab Location: Knights of Favonius HQ—Alchemy Division

Your name. Not longer under research assistant, but under project leader. You read it again, thinking it was a mistake. When the project began, you remember writing it down with Albedo as the leader and you as the assistant. But no, the roles were, in fact, inverted. Your name held the title of leader of the research, while Albedo’s was listed beneath yours as the assistant.

And suddenly, you realized what he was trying to tell you. You thought back to every moment you had taken control of the research and every time Albedo stepped back to allow you to take control. At one point, he stopped instructing you and just guided you when you needed it. The hints had been there, but you had been too deep in the work to notice it. And as you skimmed through the pages, you saw how Albedo had annotated every record of the research after you—without noticing—stopped annotating.

Your hands tightened around the log, and you felt like tears would come out at any moment. 

This was never his project to complete. It was yours. 

You lifted your gaze to Albedo, who watched you with quiet satisfaction, as if he had been waiting for you to see it for yourself. 

“Congratulations for your hard work, Project Leader.” His smile turned soft as he watched the emotions in your eyes. 

A tear slipped down your cheek, and Albedo’s eyes followed it as it fell. As you reached to wipe it away, you noticed the tremble in your fingers.You were still processing everything—the completion of your work and the weight of your journey—when something warm brushed against your skin. 

Albedo’s thumb, gently, caught the tear before it fell further. His touch lingered for just a moment, grounding you, as if he was acknowledging everything you had to go through to reach this moment.

Everything from the emotional mess you were at the beginning, all the self-doubt and struggles, to this. You did it.

“Why?” You needed to ask, needed the answer.

Albedo didn’t step away, remaining close to you. “You went through difficult times, and you lost yourself in your grief. It felt as if you were shattered, and no matter how hard you tried, the pieces wouldn’t fit back together.” 

He confessed what you once were scared of; he noticed your broken state. Your tears, your breakdowns, your emotional distress, your failures.

“And there was a strange feeling inside of me, urging me to do something, to not let you suffer anymore. And I asked myself, What can I do?” His thumb traced the path of your jawline as his eyes followed it. “But this was your own battle, and I had no right to interfere. You were the one who had to do it.”

His thumb was exchanged with his fingers, and he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. He looked so serene while looking at you.

“So I decided to motivate your alchemist self.” He knowingly smiled. “The y/n I knew, with the right motivation, would invest herself in an alchemy challenge. You doubted at the beginning and trailed behind me, but you slowly strayed away from my lead and took control. Over time you healed, and there was again that shine in your eyes.” Suddenly you noticed you two were not that far from each other, mere inches separating you. “I’m glad you're back.”

The words hung between you two, sinking into your chest with the weight of something you couldn’t yet name. Albedo planned this. Not for the sake of alchemy, for knowledge, or for an award. He did it for you. He had seen as you lost yourself and helped you build a path to lead you back. 

The realization sparked, a warmth spreading through you. He had always been there: watching and guiding you. And now, standing so close to each other, you could feel the warmth of his breath against your skin. You felt it.

The awareness of him. 

The way his presence destabilized you. The way his eyes, usually so composed, softened when they met yours. The way his lips parted, as if he wanted to say more, but the space between you had grown too thin.

Your pulse pounded in your ears. For so long you had dismissed the flutter in your chest, refusing to admit he was something more than your chief alchemist. But now, there was no running from what you were feeling.

You wanted him. And when your gaze crossed with his, you realized he wanted you too.

He tilted his head lightly, watching your reaction as the distance began to disappear, but you didn’t back away. You got closer to him, your breaths mixing. His lips brushed yours so lightly it felt like a caress.

And then, you finally kissed.

It started as a fleeting touch, barely there. It was careful, uncertain, and testing. The warmth of his lips, the way he exhaled softly, sent a shiver down your spine. But then, you responded. Your fingers curled into his coat, and you pulled him closer. He inhaled sharply against your mouth, and whatever restraint he had was shattered.

The kiss turned urgent. His lips pressed hard, parting, molding against yours in a desperate hunger that wanted to consume you. His hands were everywhere at once, one with its fingers tangled in your hair while the other slid up your spine, pulling you close to him as he kissed you deeper.

You met him with the same passion, your hands sliding up to his chest and then up to the back of his neck, fingers tingling in his soft hair. Your heartbeat was pounding so hard, you were sure he could hear it too. 

His teeth grazed your bottom lip before soothing the bite with his tongue, and a soft sound escaped your throat that he greedily swallowed. His tongue teased against yours, sending a shiver through your body. Your tongues clashed, battling to see who was more hungry for the other, savoring the moment. 

And as he pressed forward, pushing you against the desk behind you, he left no space for anything but him. He was consuming you whole, but just a kiss, a kiss you never wanted to end.

But in your growing passion, you bumped hard into something, and you suddenly felt how Albedo covered you from the falling of several books and objects. Your lips separated due to the surprise, the tickling feeling far from disappearing, reminding you of your heated exchange.

“Careful.” His hoarse voice whispered against your ear, making you feel hot in every part of your body.

You had bumped into one of the bookshelves in the lab, the one you also used to put your belongings every day when you arrived. And as you two caught your breath, your eyes caught the sight of something that left you in disbelief. 

There, in between your belongings that had slipped out of your bag, was a jeweled amulet. It was a small turquoise stone with an almost translucent glow. Encased inside was a design of tri-feather wings with a diamond-shaped tail at the bottom. You stared at it, dazed, unable to grasp what it was and what it was doing there. 

It was a vision. An Anemo Vision. 

You were frozen, obviously confused. You didn’t have a vision. Was this a mistake?

You reach out to grab the vision, and realization hits you. This was yours. And when you look at Albedo, expecting him to be as surprised as you, you discover he is simply smirking. 

“It was to be expected.” 

It was like the emotions wouldn’t stop pouring out from you this day. As you held your newly obtained vision, you realized what you led here. To this moment. All this time you thought you were trying to prove yourself again, but in fact, you were becoming yourself again. You finally let the tears flow as you rested against Albedo’s body; he welcomed you in his arms. This time, the tears were of relief and happiness.

And this vision was proof of your journey.

It had been some weeks since the day you and Albedo kissed for the first time and since the vision found its way into your hands. You still were unsure about the meaning it had; sometimes you were entranced looking at it, as if its soft glow forbade you to forget you were now a vision wielder.

However, you didn’t have time to dwell on it. You had continued to work on finalizing the catalyst, moving to the final product. During your time together, your relationship began to shift. You weren’t sure what to call the relationship, but it was there, growing little by little. With every look, every touch, every kiss.

And after a total of eight months of research and hard work, the catalyst was finally complete. And tonight, the Knights of Favonius had organized an event in which the different divisions would showcase something, and you would present the catalyst to the knights, the scholars, and the interested citizens of Mondstadt. 

The Knights of Favonius had transformed the plaza outside of the headquarters into a lively festival. There were rows of wooden stalls and a few makeshift pavilions. Each and every one showcasing different projects, such as magical items, blacksmith weapons, and different types of strategy or knowledge-oriented books. There were a lot of people wandering between the exhibits and enjoying the event. 

At the center of it all stood a raised platform, reserved for the most anticipated presentations of the evening. That was where you were going to present your completed catalyst. You were nervous, but the anticipation was bigger than any other feeling.

“Show them what you can do.” Albedo encouraged you with a grin, softly kissing your hand before you left for the stage.

“I never imagined you would be such a chivalrous man, Albedo.” Lisa teased as Albedo approached where she was sitting, waiting for you to do your showcase.

“What do you mean?” He asked as he took a seat next to her, crossing his arms while his eyes followed your nervous yet confident form. 

“Oh, don’t play coy. I’ve never seen you so attentive before. It looks like you are acting like a gentleman in love.” 

Albedo pauses, tilting his head slightly as he processes her words. “Is that so? It’s a simple and natural response; I care about her, and I want to cherish her.”

Lisa chuckles, enjoying Albedo’s confession. “My, my… Such a romantic man; looks like Y/N is a lucky woman.” 

Albedo didn’t answer anymore, but he could feel the heat rush to his face. He watched as you spoke in front of the public, describing the process of designing and constructing the catalyst you held in your hands as they listened intently. There it was again, the rapid beating of his heart when you smiled and your eyes shone.

The last eight months were also a battle for him, as he questioned what he was feeling for you. He was a rational man, someone who had never gone through the experience of a real romantic relationship.

So, when the feelings arose in his mind, he tried to rationalize them, incapable of understanding the real meaning behind them. Then, he realized that’s not how feelings work. The feelings only grew with each interaction with you, even if it was a simple conversation. He couldn’t stop looking at you, paying attention to every detail of what you did.

And then he finally understood what attraction felt like and wondered how it would feel to have you against him, his lips on yours. Then, he did. He had you exactly where he wanted you for such a long time, and he knew this was just the beginning.

As you presented, with a careful flick of your wrist, the catalyst sparked with life and floated around you. People gasped in surprise as wind began circling around you in playful swirls, and the public marveled at how flowers and leaves floated around the place, creating a beautiful scenery.

“Remarkable!” Sucrose whispered in excitement as she joined Lisa and Albedo to watch your presentation. “Didn’t she recently obtain her vision?” She was amazed at the control you had over the element.

“She did.” Lisa said proudly, side-glancing at the main culprit of your amazing control of Anemo, who was too busy smiling at you to notice. Even if Albedo didn’t have an Anemo Vision, he still helped you to master the basics of elemental wielding.

When you finished your showcase, you thanked everyone for their attention, a wide grin on your face as you felt the excitement and pride of what you had accomplished. When you joined Albedo, Lisa, and Sucrose, you basically jumped to hug Albedo.

“How did I do?” You excitedly asked Albedo, reflecting your thrilled state.

He held you by the waist with a proud look on his face, and he caressed your cheek as he spoke. “That was the best showcase of the night.”

You giggled at his words, completely unaware of Lisa and Sucrose's secret exchange. Although you and Albedo have always been close, they could have never predicted the growing romantic relationship between the two of you. Yet, they were happy for the two of you. Seeing you smile again after so much time made them realize how much they missed your happy self.

“Lisa… should we interrupt them?” Sucrose discreetly asked her as she watched you and Albedo still hugging. “I want to congratulate y/n.”

“Not yet, darling. Give them a few seconds more; they are enjoying each other.” Lisa laughed at Sucrose’s blushed face.

With the three of you too distracted to notice, Lisa was the only one to pay attention to the person who was looking at you and Albedo. Your ex was there, his gaze darting between Albedo and you, his expression unreadable. But Lisa, ever perceptive, caught the unease that crossed his face, her lips curving slightly in amusement.

“Interesting.” She murmured, just loud enough for Sucrose to hear. “Some people are more entitled than what you would think.'"

“What do you mean?” Sucrose asked, confused over Lisa’s words.

Yet, Lisa didn’t answer. Sending your ex a threatening glance made him run away from the place in a hurry. At that moment, Lisa decided to personally take care of him if he refused to finally give up after seeing you with someone else. He wouldn’t ruin your new happiness, not on her watch.

After the event was finalized, you said goodbye to Lisa and Sucrose, thanking them for coming to see you and promising to go out with them soon now that you had more free time. To celebrate the conclusion of the project and the success of the showcase, you decided to invite Albedo to your house to rest in front of the fireplace after having a nice meal in one of the restaurants in the city.

The fire crackled softly, casting a warm glow in the room as you rested your head on Albedo’s shoulder. You were a little tired after the busy but exciting evening, but now, in the comfort of your home, everything felt softer. Albedo had helped 

“Thank you.” You murmured, the quietness in the room allowing him to hear you perfectly. “For everything you did for me.”

Albedo’s gaze lowered to meet yours. “I barely did anything; all of this happened because of you. You never needed me.” His words were gentle, yet there was something warmer than usual in his tone.

You smiled, shifting your position just enough to look up at him. Your faces were close now, the firelight flickering over his face, giving him a soft look on his usual sharp expressions. His arm moved slightly, making his fingertips brush against the skin of your back, sending a pleasant shiver through you. Your heart picked up its pace when his gaze dipped, lingering on your lips for just a second too long.

Neither of you spoke as you leaned in, finally closing the small distance between the two of you. His lips were soft and warm as they pressed to yours, gentle and slow. His free hand came up, his fingers tracing over the skin of your cheek as the kiss deepened. A delicious sound rose in the back of his throat as your fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt, pulling him closer to you. 

Then, you traced your fingers along the nape of his neck to his back, and you dug your nails in it. That was all it took.

Albedo inhaled sharply before his restraint broke entirely. His hand slid into your hair, gripping just enough to tip your head back as his mouth moved against yours with sudden, burning intensity. A loud moan escaped your mouth when his tongue brushed against yours. Your hands pulling him even closer to you, as the kiss turned heated and messier, filled with the want you two had for each other. 

“Tell me to stop, and I will.” He pulled away for a few seconds, his breathing uneven as he rested his forehead against yours. 

“Don’t you dare to stop.” You pulled him back at him, your answer clear in the way your lips crashed against his once more. 

He pressed his body against yours, trapping you between him and the bed of pillows and sheets you put together before. You were surrounded by his warmth and scent, his tongue exploring your mouth and his hands your body. He traced the shape of your hips and moved towards your legs, gripping your thighs as he parted them to accommodate between them.

You moaned into his mouth when his lips moved to your neck with urgency. You were burning when his breath hit your skin, his tongue following and leaving a wet trail. A gasp left you when his teeth scraped against your skin, you clutching at the back of his head. He let out a low, satisfied hum against your throat when you tangled your fingers in his hair and wrapped your legs around his hips. 

Then, you felt it. His erection dug into your lower stomach, making the wetness between your legs increase, aching for him.

“Take this off.” You begged Albedo as your hands hurried to try to take off his shirt, clearly struggling.

He chuckled at your poor attempts, and he helped you to remove his shirt, throwing it away as he returned his eyes to you. His body was lean but toned, each line and curve undeniably striking. The sharp cut of his collarbones, the shape of his shoulders, the subtle definition of his muscles… It was as if he was sculpted. Your hands touched the warm skin, enjoying the feeling of such a beautiful body underneath your hands.

“You should take off yours too…” 

Albedo slowly slipped his fingers under the hem of your sweater, pulling it up and over your head with ease. You couldn’t help but smile at the way his eyes traced over the appreciative look as he took his time to observe your naked torso, his eyes staying a little too long over your breast.

“Beautiful.” Was the last thing he said before he dipped his head to press kisses against your collarbone, slowly moving towards your breasts?

You felt his warm lips brush over your breasts, kissing the sensitive skin and leaving behind a trail of heat wherever his lips touched. His hand found its way to your waist, gently massaging the soft flesh as he moved lower and lower, his kisses turning into wet, open-mouthed kisses.

He nipped at your soft skin, his tongue flicking over your hardened nipple, as his other hand massaged your other breast. Your moans turning louder as his teeth brush over the overstimulated skin of your nub, you couldn’t see it, but you felt his smirk against your skin, enjoying the sound of your breathless sounds. 

Albedo’s mouth leaves your breasts and moves down, leaving wet kisses on the valley of your breasts and your abdomen, his hands replacing his mouth and continuing to play with your perky nipples. He softly blows against your skin, and your breath hitches, but then his mouth encounters your pants, stopping him from going lower.

“Raise your hips, gorgeous.” He orders as his hands move to squeeze your hips, and you do as you are told.

When you raise your hips, he quickly drags your pants down along with your undergarments and again, throws it away to some place in your home you don’t care about.

You can see the lust in his teal eyes as he has you exposed to him, the place between your legs glistening with your wetness and almost ready for him. “Such a pretty pussy.” He says before he dives between your legs and covers your core with his mouth, lapping up your arousal.

“Ah!” Your hands grasp his hair as you moan and writhe.

His tongue played with your sensitive clit while he slowly introduced one finger inside of you. The sensation made you whimper; your hips jumped at the unexpected stimulation, making Albedo grab your hips tightly with his free hand so you couldn’t move. As his finger delved deeper in your insides, his tongue was flicking your nub and circling it with deliberately slow movements.

“More…” You desperately begged.

“Want more?” He looked up to you, his eyes burning with passion, and when you nodded, he smirked. “Then, I will give you more. Make sure you can handle it.” 

He returned to your pussy with a ravenous hunger and began sucking your juices as if he couldn’t get enough. His finger turned into two, pumping inside you mercilessly. The sudden change left you breathless, your head falling back in utter bliss. You felt the fire growing inside you; the only things that came out of your mouth were the sounds of his name and unintelligible sounds and moans. 

“You like that, gorgeous?” Albedo knew you liked it; he could see it in how you were losing yourself in the pleasure he gave you, but he wanted to hear you say it.

“Yes!” You barely managed, you say, too lost in your mind to think straight. His fingers stretching out your walls with every thrust, his mouth sucking on your sensitive clit, was almost too much; you could feel your climax approaching.

“Then cum.” He ordered, and your vision faded to black as your body shook uncontrollably.

Your hands held onto his hair, the sensation of your orgasm too strong and intense to focus. You came around his fingers, his mouth continuing to overstimulate your body, as he lapped the juices spilling out of you. 

He left your pussy and went for your mouth, kissing you deeply as you tasted yourself in his mouth. A grunt came out of his throat as your tongue wrapped around his, your body slowly calming down with his caresses on your body. Albedo broke the kiss and placed himself between your legs, his thick cock inches away from your entrance. You didn’t know when he had taken his pants off, but you were thankful he did it. You could only admire the sight of it, the tip glistening with precum, and the size and girth were fucking perfect.

Such a pretty cock for a pretty boy.

“You want this?” He dragged his cock between your folds, and you shuddered at the feeling.

“I want it, Albedo. Please, put it in.” You begged, your previous orgasm forgotten and ready for more. He smirked, leaning down to kiss you before lining himself up in your entrance.

“Then take it.” He pushed hard, and your mouth opened wide, a moan escaping you at his cock finally filling you up.

Your body was still sensitive, but, God, did you feel good at your insides being deliciously stretched out. And when Albedo was completely inside of you, you couldn’t be happier to be stuffed full by him. 

The feeling was addictive, and you two wanted more. Albedo didn’t make you wait any longer; he pulled out and thrust back in, setting a slow and steady pace. His lips went for yours, the kiss messy but passionate as your walls closed around his cock. Your body was hot, and you felt so good you couldn’t contain the moans coming out of your mouth. 

“That’s it, pretty, let me hear how much you like it.” He whispered in your ear, his voice low and hoarse.

Albedo thrust into you hard, and you screamed in pleasure, your nails digging into his back. His thrusts grew harder and rougher, making you jolt when his tip touched a special spot deep inside of you. The sound of your wetness when his cock hit your pussy was obscene, but you loved it. His mouth went for your neck, marking the skin with every thrust, leaving the skin purple and red.

He was making you feel so good, and you never wanted him to stop. One hand found your breast, his thumb flicking and pinching your hardened nipple, while his mouth sucked on the other. He bit and licked the hardened nub, making sure to treat it just right.

Everything he did was driving you insane, and you could feel your second orgasm coming closer and closer.

But Albedo was going faster and harder, making your mind go blank and your voice come out louder. Your walls closed tighter around him, and the man above you moaned loudly at the sensation. 

“Are you close?” 

You only nodded, unable to form an answer. His free hand went for your clit and began to rub fast circles around it, causing you to arch your back at the overstimulation. He kissed you, swallowing every sound from your mouth, and his cock twitched inside of you, signaling that he was also close.

“Will you come with me, pretty girl?” 

Again, you could only nod, too lost in your ecstasy to form a coherent answer, but that was enough for him. Albedo smiled, kissing you and biting your lower lip as he tugged at it.

“Then let’s cum together.”

And as he rubbed your clit faster, his thrusts became sloppy. With one last thrust, you came with a loud moan, and Albedo followed behind, coming inside of you. Your body went limp as you felt the shockwaves of your orgasm traveling in your body. You could barely register anything besides the intense pleasure. 

Albedo slowly pulled out of you, making you almost sob at the loss of his cock and the feeling of emptiness, and you could swear you almost cried at the feeling of his cum dripping out of you.

He chuckled at the sight of your state, seeing that you still were out of it.

“I guess you are very sensitive.” Albedo said as he wiped some hair away from your sweaty forehead. You could barely nod at his statement. “It’s ok, I like how you look right now.” Maybe one day, you would let him paint how devastating you look right now. 

As your high settled down, you saw Albedo coming back from some place in your home with a towel in his hand. Your eyes tracing every inch of the naked and sweaty skin. He grinned when he caught you staring at him. 

“Stare at me all you want, but let me clean you.”

“Alright.” You smiled shyly, allowing him to clean the mess between your legs.

He did it gently, the once passionate man long gone, his soft and tender fingers cleaning his cum mixed with your own slick. You flinched slightly at the sensation of the towel over your very sensitive skin, making Albedo stop and look at you with concern. You mumbled, ‘It’s fine,’ and he continued to clean. When he finished, he left the towel on the closest surface and returned to lie down next to you.

The room was quiet now; the only sound was your soft and steady breathing. The warmth of the fireplace warming your naked bodies. You traced lazy circles on Albedo’s chest, your touch light but absentminded. Your thoughts drifted, thinking of how you once felt lost and alone, but you were here. Happy. With Albedo hugging you as he played with your hair, the sound of his breathing offered comfort and made you feel whole. 

You tilted your head and found Albedo already looking at you. His eyes are soft and gentle, studying every detail of your face. You wanted to laugh; the man who gave the best sex of your life was gone. Yet, you didn’t mind. You liked the calm and rational Albedo more than anything, as he was the one who supported you when you needed it. 

“Be mine.” He murmured, his voice a whisper. 

It sounded more like a statement than a question, but you knew he wanted to hear your acceptance. Giddiness surged in you, and you giggled.

“I already am.” 

And as the night deepened, the time slowed down. The both of you continued to savor the taste of the other, enjoying each other’s company. 

This time, there was no sorrow, no doubts, and no pain. Just the beginning of a new future. Yet, this time you were at peace.

You had once loved someone so much that you lost yourself, but the man next to you didn’t bring you down like him. This man helped you find yourself again. He hadn’t just stood by her—he had lifted you, helped you rebuild the pieces of your heart, and made you realize that you were worth more than the past.

© eternallia. it is not allowed to modify, translate, or repost.

[httpsminsgirl]

opinions on stalker bnd?

stalker bonedo? yessss gawdddd!!!! I don't know if you want me to do the same I did with perv bonedo but i'll do it still cause I love them sm !!! messy scribble

ʚ✩ɞ bonedo as stalkers ʚ✩ɞ

pairings: non idol!bonedo, stalker!bonedo, perv!bonedo x gn! reader contains: stalking, obssessive love, toxic behaviors, possessiveness, aggression, idk a/n: YES!!! Leehan's inspired on him actually knowing how to pick locks... Please leave feedback or make requests!! english is not my first language and I have a bit of dyslexia so I'm sorry if there's any grammar mistakes or missing punctuation!

Jaehyun:

Jaehyun would keep a distance when stalking you wanting to play it safe

he'd be the type to use his extrovert skills to get close to your friends or classmates to get information about you

he'd follow you sometimes but not always

he'd make sure to have at least one direct interaction with you, planning a little accidental crash in the streets, meeting at a coffee shop, supermarket, harmless stuff that you would think were coincidences but he just knew you and your patterns well

Sungho:

Sungho would also be one to play it safe but not as much, he'd get a job at the coffee shop he's seen you spend hours in just to be able to spend time looking at you and getting closer to you harmlessly

you might think he was just the cute barista, but he's gotten a hold of your laptop and all it's information hacking into it when you left to the bathroom once and asked him to watch your things

as he hacked into your laptop he'd get a hold of your webcam and just stare at you for hours admiring your beauty

he'd most definitely touch himself as he watches you study through the webcam

Riwoo:

Riwoo stalker IMO would be a bit more risky than people expect him to. not so passive, he's smart and he knows how to calculate things well, he sees the outcomes before it happens and reads people well, so he'll play push and pull with you, making you think all of your interactions are harmless and a coincidence, but of course not, getting exactly what he wants from you as you start to get curious about him

he'd take pictures of you from afar, he'd write down addresses you've visited and the frequency keeping track of you and your schedule

Riwoo would be the type of stalker that would actually want more than just admiring you from the distance so he carefully planned those 'coincidential' meetings.Those crashes in the street, sudden encounters at the coffee shop warming you up to him until you made the first step, he knew you, and he planned it all perfectly for you to fall in his trap and be with him without him needing to do much, only stalk you for months ofc

Taesan:

Taesan is the type of stalker that would keep a big distance at first, testing the waters and slowly getting closer and closer.

Taesan would most definitely take pictures of you and hang them in his room, also pin down locations and keep track of you

Taesan would follow you everywhere to make sure you're fine, more specifically to make sure no one gets close to you

Taesan's the possessive toxic stalker, he followed you even though he knew he shouldn't, he knew it was risky but it made his blood boil seeing other men get close to you, whether it was at parties or a coffee shop, if anyone ever dared to get close to you he would most definitely take care of them, and not in a pretty way... but he enjoyed seeing the guys opened cheekbones and kicking them as he dared them to get close to you again

Leehan:

Leehan was obsessed since the start, he started following you everywhere until one time he almost got caught late at night and that's where he learned to keep his distance at times

he also took pictures of you from far away, but just your face, not the from the back or just you walking, no, he only wanted to take pictures of your beautiful face

he'd slowly creep his way into your group of friends too, making sure you knew about him, trying to have some direct interactions with you, trying to get you to look at him without him doing anything and of course he got it, he always caught your eye

he'd probably take advantage of you not being home one day and pick your lock easily just so that he could install a camera in your room, and of course wouldn't waste the trip and take some of your used panties with him as also one of your shirts.

[paddleboatonfire]

I wish I had infinity time. Balancing work, sleep, and the rest of being an adult always leaves me with such little time to myself...

[letters-of-libertas]

I'm bi and yeah your note on women not having solidarity seems sadly true. Apart from not dating men would there be anything you would suggest to improve ones life apart from stating away from those women if possible?

I love this question because this is how to start thinking: being practical.

What it takes to "improve ones life" is subjective so with that said firstly define what a better life(style) for yourself away from moids would look like. Temporarily mentally remove xy terrorist existence. What would your habits/routine be? What would you work towards & pour your energy into? What would you want to be? What would you center your life around? Take your time with these questions or anymore that come up. Have a general idea then be more specific and start breaking your life down into sectors/sections/areas, then look at where you want to be in those areas and work towards it.

For example; I divide my life into 6-7 aspects:

Physical Strength - Not just about muscle but knowing how to fight, where to hit and when to fight. Being stronger makes it easier to defend yourself in altercations (especially with other women). Some mfs will try you & you cant always rely on others coming to your rescue. Also work on building stamina to help endurance, and keeping as healthy as possible.

Emotional Strength - If you cant control your emotions they will control you. In a world of chaos being emotionally strong will let you cut through the noise and focus on what truly matters. Building emotional strength is not easy but it's worth it. Being able to rise above immediate reactions and pace yourself will allow you to assess situations more rationally & make more beneficial choices.

Finances - Get your bag up. Having money to gain resources is imperative to quality of life. I dont care what anyone says having a certain amount of money in life WILL make you happier as you're able to meet your needs better. Having more money/resources also makes it easier to support other women should you choose to do so, it also allows you to be more influential and have more control over your life. However, dont become a slave to getting money tho because that's how you get scammed.

Network - The type of people you hang around can make or break who you are as a person. Aim to connect with likeminded women who will encourage & inspire you as you go on this journey. Hang around people that value & will be honest with you while giving you grace. Not all women you engage with have to be single & childfree but beware the moid crazy ones because they will bring danger to you in their quest for maIe validation. Life isn't perfect but you cant go wrong having the right people around you, valuable relationships are hard to find but it goes a long way even if it's just online. However, no company > bad company.

Spirituality/Guide - Having something bigger than yourself to guide you through the chaos in this world can offer guidance/purpose that keeps you grounded & focused. For many people generally this is religion/god. Not everyone needs or ascribes to religion/spirituality though, but at least consider sets of morals/beliefs to follow. However even that isn't for everyone. So if you feel better off without spirituality or a 'higher' guide at least be clear on it & your reasons why (for yourself).

Hobbies & Interests - As turbulent as the world is, find things to enjoy amidst the chaos. Constant work, doom, and gloom will not change anything you will only hurt yourself. Take time to indulge in things that make you happy to recharge & relax. Engage in hobbies that serve you, share your passion with other women & hear theirs out too. It goes a long way in terms of mental health.

Security - It takes privilege to decide to not get married or have children as a woman & live it out. Everyone's situation is different so what I'll generally suggest is to constantly look into how you can protect yourself, have backup methods, and stay in the loop of xy predation. Dont drown in it but moids are predators & being completely blind to them is being blind to danger. Elaborated on point 10 here.

Sounds like a lot? Great, it'll keep you busy because this isn't a vacation or destination but a lifestyle. And to be honest, some of y'all can do with the busyness as it'll let you focus on what actually matters. This not to say to overwhelm yourself in things for the sake of it but to prioritise your energy on effective things for your life. As you focus on building you'll find that you have less energy to care about insignificant stuff or stuff out of your control anyways. For example, Instead of getting wound up about user somerandomadjectivefem stirring discourse calling you an extremist or whining about how impossible it is for her & other women to live without romantic love n' whatnot (or even women irl pulling this crap), you either ignore or quickly shut down the conversation & swiftly move on.

Everything I've mentioned are just examples, you may feel differently do whatever you feel best applies. Also remember to enjoy the process along the way as you are living through it afterall :3

Long story short: Work on building resources & other aspects of your life up for yourself.

[waitineedaname]

Do you know if it was ever confirmed that Binghe was working with demons in Jinlian city era? We learn Zhuzhi-lang was responsible for the Sowers later and Binghe was only trying to be a righteous cultivator at Huan Hua during that time. I assumed that SQQ only thought he was building an empire in the demon realm because it happened in the original PIDW, and Binghe didn’t actually start that until after SQQ died. However, I see scenarios in fandom where Binghe is already established in the demon realm at the same time as the Jinlian city arc all the time. It’s a fun premise, and the fics are always good, but I was just wondering if it had a basis in canon or was just widely accepted fanon.

you know, that's a good question!! i'm really not sure?? I'd have to reread with a closer eye, but I think it's just widely accepted fanon on the basis of SQQ's assumptions based on what happened in PIDW! what we know for sure: three years pass between Binghe being thrown in the Abyss and him reuniting with SQQ in Jin Lan City (which is less time than in PIDW) and after the five years of SQQ's death, he has become established within the Demon Realm as a powerful demon lord (I think emperor by this point? can't remember). so that means either he was really busy after SQQ died, or he had some connections already due to his time in the Abyss!

it does raise a lot of questions about the timeline of events from Binghe's perspective! the pov being tied so tightly to SQQ means we miss out on a lot of what's going on with Binghe when he's not around. when did he fight and beat Mobei-Jun? when did Sha Hualing start working for him? when did he become established in his underground palace? he's so focused on SQQ that it's hard to imagine when he had the time to do a lot of this stuff. especially since in the five years of SQQ's death, he's making dinner every day and feeding the corpse spiritual energy. I have trouble imagining a man wracked with so much grief taking the time to kick Mobei-Jun's ass, but also he's the protagonist, he can do anything, so maybe I shouldn't be doubting his ability to multitask lol

[loppiopio]

the chances of the people seeing this aren't super likely so this is highly inefficient but i'm too afraid to approach people personally…. yet i've been burning with the need to express my gratitude for the tags i've received individually somehow and figured, i could do it the way i do best. in the tags 😅

(sorted by most recent) (i capped the limit hard here) (some ✂️✂️ had to be done 😔) (i still like this format a lot though) (might do this again in the future idk would people like that??) (i hope it's not mortifying for anyone……..)

it's sorta the way i like it, indirect and unimposing, even if it's kinda. wieldy. but it's just on my blog so anything goes right? although in saying that, i am open to being imposed on. like if someone wants to talk about aci or something, like other fic?? i'm a big fic fiend. or anything else lol not sure what else you'd wanna chat about since so much of the stuff i've put out is just. about fic. but hey, if you're a person i don't mind being approached :>

(lol the way i've made this like a *throws out a bunch of paper slips* find your's 🎉) (might be obnoxious hm) (sorry...) (find your's if you want though 🫡)

[selvepnea]

Thinking about. That one post about art. And how it's never good enough. Since you're the one that made it. And how. It might relate to how I view myself?

[fungus-gnats]

hi guys look ! i am helpful sometimes and not just a common household pest :p