#i need to make a lot more time for reading

[yourlocalbreadenthusiast]

Kindly take a break from scrolling to read this, it's important.

Take your time to grieve and come to terms with the election results, but once you've done that, it's time to get to work. We have two months. And a lot to do in that time. We have to prepare, to be ready.

Be careful about what you post or say online. Anything potentially incriminating should be avoided. Threatening language, even if clearly a joke, can be used against you.

Know someone who's trans? Someone who's had an abortion? Someone who's LGBTQIA+? Someone who's an immigrant? Someone who attends protests? Someone who's disabled? Someone who might in any way be at risk due to laws being put into place? No you don't.

Move away from social media platforms and browsers that require you to use your real identity or input a large amount of personal information. Now's a good time to find alternate means of communicating online. Tails, Element, Tor, Mastodon, Firefox, and Lemmy are all decent options.

Find a community. Someone you can talk to, either online or in real life, that you'll have reliable contact with. We need to try and create a network, but one that's as anonymous as possible.

Start scrubbing your trail as much as possible. Get rid of old accounts that can still be traced to you but are no longer used, delete personal data off the internet. There are websites out there that will freely remove your data from the internet, but be careful about which one you use, make sure it's safe and legitimate first.

Change any usernames that you can that contain any personal information. Names, birthdays, anything.

Plan B has a four year shelf life. Stock up, but don't take more than you you'll need. We don't want a COVID repeat where everyone buys an excessive amount of things and leaves none for everybody else.

There are doctors that will sterilize you, if that's the way you want to go.

Stop using online period trackers right now. Delete all data from it if possible first, then delete the app itself. If you must, write it down, but in a subtle manner and on something you keep at home. Don't label it, just put the dates. If you're really worried, discard older records and only keep the most recent few, and label the dates as other random events, like "go to mall" or "chicken salad for dinner this night"

Get your vaccines now.

Save money.

Archive. We have to start collecting records, media, data, books, and articles now. On racism, on fascism, on homophobia, on gender, on self-reliance, on survival, on safe travels routes, on equality, on justice, on anything that may be useful and/or censored soon. We can't let them erase it.

Collect those online resources. Bookmark them, copy files into your storage, Screenshot pages. Create a decentralized library where everyone is working to be part of a whole, storing what they can individually and sharing it between one another. Again, be careful about doing this.

Second-hand bookstores are your best friend. Books are usually very cheap in them, and they often have a decent stock. See what you can find.

When buying ANYTHING I have mentioned above, or anything else that maybe put you in danger, try to use cash to reduce your spending trail.

Check your car information online, many newer models can be remotely tracked.

Turn your phone completely off if you may be at risk due to your location and current activities. Turning off your GPS also helps.

Take note of where you are. Who are your friends? Who's a safe person? Where can you go besides your own home that you know you'll be safe? Establish these connections now.

Who around you is not safe? Who and where do you need to avoid? Do you need to move? If you cannot afford moving but need to, there are fundraisers that can help you. If even that is not an option, at least try to make sure your home is secure. Have someone who can help you. Have a fallback safe place.

And finally, I want anyone with resources to put them in the replies. Flood it with useful links, information, tips, anything. We're in this together. Do not panic. Organize.

[jobean12-blog]

Adventures in Babysitting

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female reader

Word Count: 2.5K

Summary: You and Bucky are friends and it's clear you both want more but you fight it, scared of your feelings and ruining what you have together. But spending some quality time together can't be such a bad idea...right?

Author's Note: I just needed some fluffiness. So here we are. The little girl in this (niece) is probably around 6ish-7. Thank you all so much for reading! Much love always! ❤️❤️❤️Divider by the lovely @firefly-graphics thanks Daisy! 🥰

Warnigns: soft and sweet fluff, some flirting, tension, teasing, lots of cute.

You order your second drink from the barista and weave through the small line to get back to your table. Most of the staff here know you by name and don’t mind that you spend a few hours of your weekend morning enjoying a drink (or three) and reading.

Settling back into the chair you grab your book and try to find where you left off. The door to the shop opens and cool breeze blows in. Taking your warm cup between your fingers you lift it to your lips, hoping the heat will seep into your bones, when you hear your name.

You blink up to see Bucky standing near the counter and a different kind of warmth rushes through your body. His hair is messy, and he’s dressed in a tee shirt and sweats, as if he’s just been out for a run. Even a little sweaty, he looks better than should be allowed.

He pulls out his wallet to pay and your eyes drop automatically to the way the damp tee shirt clings to his shoulders and dips in at his waist, down to where his hip bones…

The sound of the chair scraping along the floor makes you snap your head up to meet his eyes, blue and clearly amused to have caught you ogling him.

He sits across from you, stretching his arms out on the table, and takes his time doing his own, totally blatant, inspection.

You raise a brow.

“Little chilly for a run, isn’t it?” you say.

He shrugs and takes another sip of his drink.

“Let me guess though, as usual, you’re not cold at all.”

He aims a smile at you, ignoring your teasing remark.

“So,” you start, trying again, “what are you doing here?”

His eyes sparkle and he leans forward to push the book in your hands upward, positioning it so he can see the front cover.

“Lookin’ for you doll,” he says simply before reading the title.

“Enjoying your romance?” he asks after, his smile growing wider.

It’s your turn to shrug and you place your bookmark inside the book and close it.

Under the table he stretches his long legs out in front of him and brackets each of his feet against yours, the sides of your legs touching.

“Well?” he asks again.

“I just started it. The tension is building…you know a slow burn, but I think it has potential.”

He stares at you, relaying so much in his expression: just like us?

“Want to get some dinner later?”

“Actually, I have plans,” you tell him.

His expression falls just the tiniest amount.

“Plans?”

“My brother and Marie have a wedding to go to and I promised I’d watch Samantha.”

“Babysitting!” he states. “Now that sounds fun.”

You give him a look and start to gather your things.

“I need to do a few errands before I head over.”

You stand and hook your bag over your shoulder before pushing the chair in. He stands and reaches forward to untwist the strap.

“Ok.”

You stand there, the obvious question (and tension) hanging between you.

“Do you want to babysit with me?” you ask. “Even though I’m sure you’ll find it totally boring.”

“I’ve hung out with Sam’s kids a lot. They’re fun.”

Your eyes widen slightly, and you watch the smooth line of his throat as he swallows.

“Soooo…you want to come?”

“Why not?”

“You might be bored out of your mind.”

His smile melts your insides.

“Maybe doll, but wouldn’t it be more fun if we’re bored together?”

“Are you sure?” you ask. “There will probably be tea parties, and dolls, and a makeover.”

He follows as you head toward the door and holds it open.

“Thanks,” you say.

He smiles. “I’m sure. It’s nothin’ I can’t handle.”

“Ok, great!”

“So, what time?” he asks.

“Five. And you have to bring pizza and let her do your hair if she asks.”

“You know…and I can’t believe I’m saying this, you’re a great babysitter.”

You wiggle your toes, feet propped up on the coffee table and still drying from the bright pink nail polish Samantha painted on.

Bucky grins at you from across the way where he’s sitting with Sam at a small table, in an even smaller chair, in the middle of what appears to be a very fancy tea party.

His usually soft, floppy hair is spiky now, tied up by bright hair ties in about ten tiny, crazy ponytails.

He leans toward Sam conspiratorially and shoves his thumb in your direction. “I told you she thinks I’m great.”

Sam slides some decorative barrettes into his mess of hair. “And you said cute.”

“You mean you said you’re cute,” you explain, eyeing Bucky. “I never said such a thing.”

“I never said you said it��” Bucky counters and politely thanks Sam when she gives him more tea. “But I know you’re thinking it. Especially right now.”

He throws you a little wink.

Sam smiles at Bucky then at you.

“I think he looks cute!” she says sweetly.

You stand and walk over to them, kissing the top of Sam’s head and without thinking, brushing a finger over a piece of Bucky’s hair that’s come loose.

“Well, you definitely get points for being a good sport.”

You expect him to shoot back with some snarky comment about “points” meaning a blow job or something, but instead he just says, “I’m havin’ fun doll.”

“Do you want more tea?” Sam asks you.

“No thanks baby. It’s getting late and I don’t want to drink anymore. It might keep us up.”

“Well,” she starts with some sass, “I’m not tired.”

She turns back to her dolls and then adds, “and I want to keep playing with Bucky. Don’t you think he’s nice?”

Bucky snickers and you lightly smack the back of his head but before you can answer Sam she continues with another addition to Bucky’s lovely attributes.

“And cute?”                                     

You kneel down beside her, smoothing your hands over her cheeks.

“He is nice,” you say.

“And?”

Her sweet voice once again has some sass.

“And cute,” you add with a roll of your eyes.

Bucky’s eyes light up in triumph and you can’t stop your smile.

“It’s late. Let’s get ready for bed.”

Her lip sticks out and her eyes grow wide.

“But I’m sure Bucky can come back and play again soon. And I’ll bet we can get him to read you a story before bed.”

That seems to placate her for the moment, and she says, “we’re going to watch Moana. He pinky promised.”

You turn to Bucky. “You pinky promised?”

He gives you a heart stopping smile.

“Guess we’re watching some Moana before bed,” you concede.

Sam agrees to pajamas and teeth brushing before the movie. The three of you settle onto the couch, Sam in Bucky’s lap and you, at her insistence, next to them. Right next to them. You’re all three crammed into one corner and she allows him to take out the hair ties and barrettes with little fuss if he promises to wear his Barbie necklace and never take it off. Ever.

Bucky agrees steadfastly and Sam beams up at him, resting her head on his chest and reaching for his hand.

He’s solid and warm at your side, and it takes a few minutes to get her settled, but soon she’s snuggled up and rather pleased with herself.

Her hand looks positively tiny in his and you keep blinking down to it, marveling at how much bigger he is than her and how absolutely soft and gentle he’s being.

You try desperately to pay attention to the movie. You love Moana. But it’s hard to follow along amid the internal crisis you’re having over his holding her hand and snuggling with her. It’s not sexy. Not sexy at all.

Some time later, Bucky’s voice breaks into your thoughts: “I think she’s out doll.”

You look over to meet his eyes, and in the low light flickering from the TV he’s all sharp jawline and lush lips. The ends of his dark lashes glow against the screen.

“Is she asleep?” he asks you.

You blink out of your stupor before you understand what he’s asking and lean forward to check. Sure enough, her eyes are closed, her breaths soft and even.

“Yep, out like a light. Nice work.”

“I do make a pretty good bed,” he smirks. “But I’m sure the two slices of pizza and cookies did most of the work.”

“No really, “you whisper. “This whole night…you’re amazing. You waltz in here with dinner and cookies and your dreamboat smile, all sweet and charming. You made this whole thing easy. Well done Barnes.”

“You think I’m charming?” he says, and grins.

The light from the TV accents the way his face softens then he smiles, and you have to look away.

“Is that all you took out of that whole thing” you ask.

“I also got sweet, dreamboat…easy.”

You laugh, rubbing a hand over your face. “Of course you did.”

Bucky chuckles softly and rearranges Sam on his lap.

“But really, this was fun. “Sam is a real cutie, and you know I love hangin’ out with you.”

You swallow and try to make sense of what you’re feeling, wanting to explain it to him.

A beat of silence passes between you, and he looks over at the TV. You know you’ve been quiet too long when he clears his throat and shifts next to you.

The air between you is crackling with charge and you’re finding it difficult to deal.

He leans in and tilts his head to look at you. You shift forward and he’s so close, close enough that you can feel each breath and count the tiny patches of gray hairs that line his cheek. His eyes drop to your mouth and back up and he’s asking if this is okay, giving you time to close the distance or pull away.

You want to kiss him.

It takes the smallest effort on your part before you feel him, the barest brush of his lips, the slight catch in his breath against your own. He smells like the six chocolate chip cookies he ate after dinner, and your mouth nearly waters, imagining how good he’ll taste.

Without thinking you close your eyes and part your lips and…

Sam makes a small sound in her sleep and says your name.

You and Bucky exhale like you’ve been holding your breath, before he sits back, pushing a hand through his hair.

“Am I an awful person that I would have given her a thousand bucks to sleep for ten more minutes?” he asks.

Your heart is pounding in your chest, and you laugh. “Only ten?”

He stares at you, watching you settle back against the couch. After a few minutes you feel his finger brush absently along your wrist.

You wonder if his fingers itch like yours whenever he’s around, or if he feels the same tug-of-war inside his chest.

Unable to control the nerves firing rapidly inside your brain you make your hand move, keeping your eyes straight ahead and focused on the TV while turning your palm over and twisting your fingers with his.

He tightens his grip.

Sam is softly breathing with her head resting against your shoulder and after only a few moments of hesitation, you feel Bucky do the same.

The weight of him next to you, so strong and warm, feels comfortable and safe, and soon your eyelids droop. You sink farther into the couch and Bucky, falling asleep to the sounds of The Rock singing, “you’re welcome.”

It can’t be too long after when the front door opens. You vaguely hear footsteps and blink several times before you can make out your brother standing in front of you, holding his phone in his outstretched arm.

“What are you…are you taking a picture?” you ask, voice groggy.

“Do you have any idea how cute you two are?” he asks, looking at this phone before turning the screen toward you.

“That’s super-creeptastic bro.”

You feel Bucky stir next to you and he sits up with a start.

“Relax Barnes,” you brother says. “I’m not gonna beat you up for catching you with the babysitter.”

You realize that you and Bucky are still holding hands, and you pull yours away, ignoring the way you can still feel his palm against your own.

“Really creepy,” you say, gently handing over Sam to your brother.

“How was she?” he asks, smoothing her hair.

“An angel, like always. But she might be marrying Bucky. So, there’s that.”

Your brother laughs. “She could do a lot worse,” he says, then motions that he’s going to put her to bed.

You say goodbye and Bucky walks you out to your car. You stand across from each other, pretending that you didn’t just barely kiss and that you weren’t holding hands. Regardless, things feel calm and safe.

It’s dark and you fumble for the door handle, opening the car to set your bag down inside. When you turn, Bucky takes your hand, looking down at the way it fits in his.

“I had a lot of fun doll. Thanks for letting me hang.”

“Are you kidding? This was the best. Thanks for coming.”

It looks like he’s about to ask you something but then thinks better of it and instead leans in to place a kiss to the corner of your mouth.

“Text me when you get home, yeah?”

“Sure,” you answer.

On impulse, you cup his face and stretch to place the lightest kiss on his warm lips.

Stunned, he just stands there, watching as you step back and fight a smile.

His eyebrows slowly rise.

“Doll, you just kissed me.”

“Only a tiny kiss.” You smile up at him and notice the way his eyes flicker to your lips.

He doesn’t move away and instead takes a small step forward, pushing your back against your car door.

Your hand comes up from your side, moving along his chest and around to grab the back of his neck.

“Doll?”

You pull, stretching at the same time and bringing your mouth just a breath away from his.

“Are you…?”

“Just kiss me?” you whisper.

Your fingers tangle in the hair at the back of his neck and you trail kisses along his jaw, soft and hesitant.

His illusion of restraint shatters and he takes your face in both hands and with a groan, presses his lips against yours. He tilts your head, feeling the clench of your hands in his hair, and steps closer, sliding his hands down your back.

He tugs you as close as possible, lining all your softness up with the hard planes of his body.

When he pulls back he’s breathing heavily and he cradles your face in his hands, softly brushing his thumbs over your cheeks.

“Can I…?” he murmurs against your lips.

“Do you want…?” you whisper at the same time.

He smiles and it’s so sincere, crinkling the corners of his eyes and making you swoon.

“Yeah. Yeah I do doll.”

He kisses you again, his lips lingering before he asks, “my place or yours?”

[elsa-fogen]

Yep. Yeah. That's me. Almost all of it, except, i sleep well (if i manage to fall asleep) Reblogging because maybe some of you didn't know (i also didn't know)

Story time!

Too long don't read: used to sleep on private math lessons because i hate math; it takes hours for me to fall asleep WHEN I SUPPOSED TO, and my sister does it in 3-5 minutes.

I was studying at university and we had MATH there I've always had problems with it. since 5th grade i think (well, i hated math before too but real problems started there) when i changed schools and the new class was behind what I've already studied and i didn't pay attention, until i realized that at some point I was behind. I said "welp, i guess it's to late to try, so fuck it"

So at university we had this very high level math and i just couldn't understand a thing (and we had an awful teacher who was saying evvvvery time something like "yall getting expelled, we're all gonna die") so i decided "if i don't understand, fuck it then, i will not even try" and started skipping math classes.

But i STILL had to pass an exam, we were getting 3 tries and if you fail you're getting expelled. I failed first two what a surprise (i don't know how i managed to pass it after all, i can't remember SHIT, only that i is fucking non-existing number which is square root of -1. Why on earth would you need it i have NO fucking clue.

So i had personal teachers who tried to make me understand at least something to pass the exam. And there was one i remember very well, i even remember that we paid her 10$ per hour (for us that was quite a lot). And i remember her because i was SLEEPING. I just COULDN'T keep my eyes opened. She explains something about deviding by zero and my brain draws the fucking universe collapsing in front of my eyes. She gives me some task, I'm trying to write something and I'm falling asleep and DREAMING about writing, then ahe wakes me up and i see that i didn't write SHIT. It all ended when in the middle of lesson she just kicked me out.

And, what a miracle, I'm leaving her apartments and suddenly, all the sleepiness just wanishes! I'm walking home, thinking about some another AU of mine, roleplaying it with myself in my head, full of energy again.

That's not the only case of this, but it's the strongest i ever felt. But that like happens all the time, EVEN WHEN MY MOM OR MY GRANNY COMES TO ME AND START TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING I'M NOT INTERESTED, IM YAWNING AND FEEL URGE TO FALL ASLEEP. But the moment they leave, It goes away! I was calling it work allergy LMAO

I was diagnosed with adhd in my early childhood (there was also something about epilepsy, but it's ok now so it doesn't matter), not long ago i brought this fact back into my active memory (thanks to Jaiden animations ADHD video for that xD) i kinda used to myself by now and now I'm trying to catch and analyse all moments of adhd kicking in. I know my own tricks and buttons, how to make myself do the thing or just how to force myself into doing something. Because i know if i start, I'll probably lock in and won't get up until it's done (well, if i have at least a tiny bit of interest in that thing, or else i won't), and i hate it when someone interrupts me in the middle of the process. No mom, i can't come right now, i can't finish it later, because i either spend few more hours forcing myself to go back to the task or just forget about it.

But i didn't know that this sleepiness was a legit symptom! I just thought that it's exaderated boredom, that's it, had a joke name for it. That's... Funny to know that this thing is actually also adhd moment.

Also, about sleeping. I have problems falling asleep. I may lie in the bed for hours without even my phone, just rotating my stories in my head, and when i don't have a story to think about, this is just the name of my current hyperfixation with different tones and in different random dialogues that doesn't even make sense. I have no idea how to fall asleep, except when i didn't sleep for like 48 hours (EVEN THEN IT MIGHT BE A PROBLEM AND I START THINKING OF THAT CREEPY PRION SICKNESS AND SCARE MYSELF AGAIN). And my mom told me that it have always been like that with me. She and my dad had the whole ritual to make me fall asleep. Dad would hold me in his arms, his head with me covered with a blanket that i could only see his face (or else I would look everywhere and never fall asleep), and rock me for HOURS while i was SCREAMING and CRYING the whole time like i was tortured. But when I'd finally fall asleep, they could be as loud as usual and didn't have to whisper, because wake me up is a whole different story. And my mom was SHOCKED when all it took to make my sister fall asleep was just pet her back for 3-5 minutes.

I don't think of myself as... Sick or ill. That's how i was all my life, i don't know anything else. That's not a sickness to me, that's just part of my personality. Maybe sometimes some parts of it bite me in the ass and make my life harder, but i don't know other life. That's the only one I've got, and i guess I'm fine with that (tho now that i think about it, i need to pay more attention to how i write the characters, and don't make them all ADHDshers LOL i need to study neurotypical people under a microscope 🔬🔍)

bro im gonna CRY i didnt know this 🥺

[maxanor]

i'm not saying this to be callous or rude, but i think what's hitting a lot of buckt*mmys hard is that they're truly just unable to admit that they aren't very good at media analysis. the term 'media literacy' has become so overused in fandom that i genuinely think people forget what it means- it's a learned skill, something you have to study, something you can educate yourself on by reading papers and books and watching all sorts of movies and tv. they're all so convinced that the breakup came out of nowhere when it could not have been written more clearly; tommy has consistently been shown as an outsider in buck's life.

to claim that "everything was perfect" in 8x05 is so ridiculous i almost don't even know where to start. they had two scenes without eddie: in the first, tommy was incredibly condescending towards buck and and his interests (it's time to put away the screen, you already had your five minutes, lights out evan), and in the second scene buck literally says "my boyfriend won't even kiss me" and tommy responds with "that's not true" but they pointedly do NOT show them kissing. if the audience is meant to believe that buckt*mmy are endgame, it would have made perfect narrative sense to have them kiss right then to show (not just tell) us that tommy cares about buck, boils and all, and they did not do that.

moving onto 8x06, the only clue needed to show us they were going to break up was tommy buying buck lakers tickets. that's all it took. in 7x04 it's made so clear that buck does not like basketball. if tommy genuinely knew buck, he would not have bought him tickets to a sport the show dedicated an entire episode to telling us buck does not like! if their relationship was meant to last, tommy could have bought buck tickets to a fight in vegas like he did with eddie. this would have been a great callback, because it's supposedly the first moment buck got jealous of tommy and eddie hanging out. it would remind the audience that even though buck was jealous, he got tommy in the end and they're now doing the activities he wanted to do with tommy before.

once again, media analysis is a skill. no one is perfect at it, and ofc shows can throw away the book and make decisions that don't make sense. but to claim this came out of nowhere shows a severe lack of knowledge and understanding of how stories are written. the shippers were seeing what they wanted to see and they missed all the signs the show was sending them, and now they're claiming the rug was pulled out from under them.

[hwnglx]

pick a pile - what makes you beautiful? (detailed)

hello dear reader! let's take a look into what makes you so uniquely beautiful. breathe slowly, take your time and use your intuition to go with the pile that speaks to you the most. this is a very specific reading, so it's likely that not every message will speak to everyone. remember to take what resonates, and leave what doesn't. 𓆩♡𓆪

✰ pile 1 ✰

so, this pile definitely gave me the biggest boss vibes. you have very strong energy, with so much major arcana in my spread. i can tell you are not someone to be messed with. (also kinda feel like you might parent or coddle the other piles lmao)

your beauty lies not only within your immense strength, but also in your ability to stand over situations which can appear very dark and difficult on the outside. i do believe you come with your own struggles, insecurities, doubts and fears which don't seem to always find their way to the surface; but you deal with them in such a graceful and impressive way. i can feel some people being in genuine awe of how you handle trials and tribulations. i do think you've been through certain things which have given you thicker skin. now, you know what you want and need in life, you're aware of your potential and what you can do, so even if a situation presents itself in which you find yourself in self-doubt, you believe in the power of hard work and consistency.

you don't seem like the type to dwell on your problems for too long or allow yourself to drown in self-pity, but moreso like a person who feels this desire to work on whatever troubles you. let's say if a situation presents itself to you, in which circumstances seem unfavourable; rather than complaining or remaining stuck in this hopeless place, you'll likely be the type to think about how you can change and work on your own attitude and mindset instead, in order to come out the other side in a stronger manner. you put a lot of importance into remaining confident and keeping a grip on your self-belief. since you see that as the best version of yourself. you appear to be very mature; even if your age is still young, you seem to have a wise soul and an impressingly reliable, as well as responsible nature. maybe you had to grow up quickly, you just give off this energy of someone who had to learn how to be responsible in life very early on.

considering i got both, the emperor and the empress for you, i think a lot of your beauty also lies in your duality. you're likely to have this balance of both feminine and masculine qualities inside of you. you seem to be the type of person who can be assertive, more self-centered and individualistic in some ways, like you do think it's important to focus on yourself in order to find fulfilment in this world. however this doesn't distinguish the compassionate heart you carry for other people. you're someone with an empathetic and kind nature, someone who wants to take care of the people you love.

you could make a very good parent, actually. i think you balance this sense of responsibility, dependability and solidity, with a nurturing heart, a soft and gentle core. you might be the case of someone with a hard shell but soft interior. i feel like you're the type to root for the underdog. someone who takes people under their wing, protects them from external influences. like you'd take a bullet for the people you cherish. (i do think you might be more selective in that aspect though, like you do have your boundaries straight, and wouldn't just throw your hand in the fire for anyone)

this is a random message i got; some of you also might be on the curvier side when it comes to your bodily built, and it makes you very very beautiful. like i can tell that some of pile 1's bodies are bangin! like yes sir or ma'am, go rock that bod with confidence!

another very beautiful thing about you; you do not fear getting your hands dirty. meaning, you're willing to put in the necessary hard work in life. like “if i have to personally run up this hill for several hours straight, then so be it, as long as i finally get to the top!” you aren't someone who will shy away from bearing burdens and heavy weights on your back, you understand the need to hustle in order to succeed. you can feel this need to improve yourself, put in the required effort to keep getting better at everything you do in life. not just for yourself, but also the people around you. you want to be a comfortable and stable figure in your loved one's lives.

i keep feeling like you're just this person people can lean on with no second thought; someone who will have their back no matter what. very loyal, dedicated and passionate energy within you. i'd personally love to be your friend, like i'd feel pretty lucky! i feel like you're the friend who keeps their promises, who's okay with running errands for others. you'd get things done for someone if they're unable to do so; like e.g. picking your friends up and driving them random places. maybe you're the friend at the party who holds themselves back from drinking in order to be the responsible one making sure everyone gets back home safely. you just seem to have this devotion to the ones you love, and wanting to make them feel safe, as well as cared for. you might also be a huge hype man in their lives, always cheering them on and lighting up any dark place they find themselves in. you have such bright and inspirational energy!

you carry this beautiful balance of; focusing on your own interests, ambitions, desires and goals, but also remaining considerate and caring towards the special people in your life.

✰ pile 2 ✰

oh my gawd, this pile is super cute. so, you immediately strike me as someone very independent and freedom-loving. you love to have your own space, and being able to just do whatever you want, whenever you want. i feel like you just have this very contagious and bright energy, where people might trust you to make the best out of every situation you're in. you seem like a big risk-taker, someone who doesn't fear the concept of change, and isn't afraid of starting all over again if you feel like that's necessary. you're so beautiful, in the way of just being down and ready to do things others might shy away from. you might be the person who will drag your friend out the dark and quiet room and tell them to get out, enjoy the beautiful sun on your skin, connect with mother nature, appreciate the smaller things in life and find happiness in them, because that's where true fulfilment lies. there is this very philosophical and poetic side to you. i keep feeling like you might have significant neptune/jupiter/mercury aspects.. i can just see you running through the blooming fields in this almost movie-like way. (random but do you like ghibli movies? you just give me ghibli character vibes, especially kiki's delivery service 🥹 i love that movie, it's so comforting)

you're beautiful in the way where.. you easily see beauty in the world. you seem so easily excitable, and count all the blessings you have in life. i feel like you're the type to find something positive in everything and everyone. random, but you might love photography, and taking pictures of almost everything around you, just because you can see art in anything or any place. you love exploring new places, new cultures, understanding and learning about people or things completely different to what you're used to. you might like to travel, because you enjoy this thought of getting insight into entirely new lifestyles. you're very open-minded.

you aren't worried about leaving toxic people or situations behind if you feel like they just keep you in a negative place. it's kinda giving been there done that. i think you consciously reject negativity now because you're not at that same place anymore, and especially don't want to be anymore. you're so overly protective of your peace now, because you had to deal with so many tribulations, and took so much on the chin from life in order to get to this place of inner peace. you don't allow anyone to take it away from you anymore.

you also don't seem afraid to completely transform. maybe you even enjoy transforming yourself physically, like you love reinventing yourself and can find your identity in things like your fashion. you enjoy expressing your unique nature in that way. i also just feel like you're such a pleasure to be around, people likely just enjoy your presence because it makes them feel like everything will be okay. did anyone ever tell you about how your presence is therapeutic to them? if not, some people might think that without openly expressing it.

i do think you can be very emotional too, which is another beautiful trait of yours. you might be the type to tear up rather easily, i think your interior is very squishy and sweet. you wear your heart on your sleeve in this beautiful and special way. you not being afraid to express your emotions (although sometimes they can just take over you unintentionally lmao dw i relate..) makes you so extraordinary, it gives you this unique light and glow. don't ever lose grip on this wonderful side of you. don't ever feel ashamed of it, and don't allow anyone to make you think you're anything but beautiful for your passion! i feel like you genuinely care about the world, and everything that it involves. your energy is just so pure and innocent in a way, even if you yourself don't see yourself that way. your intentions and heart read as very sweet.

in addition, your beauty lies in your ability to see opportunity of growth in whatever life throws at you. like pile 1, i do believe you have had to deal with your fair share of challenges in life, but this lead to you being able to see how.. even situations that might look awful from an outsiders perspective, can serve you as a learning lesson. “what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.”

again, you're just so philosophical! i feel like we could just sit down together and discuss life for hours, in such a deep and intriguing manner. you seem to have a lot of understanding of the different complexities of life, just because you've experienced a lot of situations in which you had to adapt or adjust. so there's this natural know-how here, it's almost like you're not scared of life's upheavals anymore. you didn't let it discourage you at the time, so best believe it will not bring you down at this point in time. you're so youthful and almost childlike in spirit, but carry a deep sense of knowledge about life. like some other people might turn all bitter if they went through what you have been through, but you remained soft and sweet in this harsh world, which is such a beautiful trait to have! i sincerely applaud you, and hope you can never lose this truly wonderful spark inside of you.

✰ pile 3 ✰

oh, this pile seems so genuinely nice, but i can sense some struggle here too.. first of all, you read as a very humble and down to earth person. like i truly can't sense a single ounce of arrogance inside of you. you feel like you're an eternal student of life, continuously learning with every experience, and growing endlessly. you give off this energy of someone who's always so eager to expand your skills and knowledge on things. especially if you get hooked on something like a fun hobby, you're just so ambitious and approach the learning process with this modest, but determined attitude. you seem quite capable of dealing with constructive criticism, and take it as a way to further better yourself. like yes tell me what i did wrong, so i can improve. definitely a very hard-working and earnest energy within you.

you're so beautiful, because you live and lead with this sense of compassion and acceptance inside of you. you seem to have high emotional intelligence; as well as a lot of empathy for others. you're the type of person to.. hold this cup filled with love, in a crowd full of people fighting each other. while other people are overly competitive and at each other's throats to win over the other, you seem like the one who prefers seeing everyone as equally worthy of praise, equally lovable, equally deserving of respect. i truly don't see you enjoying to put yourself above others, simply because you don't see why you would want to. like i don't think you fully understand this need to argue and cause problems with others, it irks you.

you even might put other people's needs above yours almost naturally, it seems to come very easy to you. (did some of you grow up with a lot of siblings? i feel like there's this natural tendency to supress not only your own desires, but also your own emotions a lot.. i feel like you might've found yourself in plenty of situations where you needed to swallow your pride, bite your tongue, ignore your own emotions or grant others chances you yourself might've wanted.) you might be the type to politely hold the door open for people even though your arm hurts, offer the seat to the elderly even though you yourself are exhausted, allow your friend to grab the opportunity although you might need it just as much.

i do feel like you're quite peace-loving, and don't enjoy arguments at all. you seem excellent at approaching conflicts and problems in, not only this calm and collected manner, but also with this diplomatic and tender sense of understanding towards all parties. do you have any major libra placements? i can sense this beautifully non-judgemental energy in you, where you always seek harmony, no matter what situation you find yourself in. you also just seem balanced in general, and like not much can tick you off. some people might even ask you “how are you always so calm?” although i feel like you can experience feelings quite intensely once they take over you (i feel like you might cry a lot when you're on your own..) you just don't enjoy openly displaying your emotions, and might have problems expressing them outwardly. again, i keep feeling like this likely stems from a deeply rooted place, maybe you've just naturally aquired this mechanism within you, where you shut off your emotions and internalize them a lot.

you might put a lot of thought into how others view you, might dislike the thought of anyone looking at you as overly dramatic. you also seem pretty perfectionistic, especially in closely managing the way you're perceived by people, or the way you treat people. you might often fear doing them wrong, or overstepping any boundaries. i can sense an avoidance of expressing or asserting yourself strongly again here, because you just don't want anyone to feel like you're doing too much. (i know this is a reading that focuses more on positives, but spirit is telling me this selflessness in you makes you immensely beautiful.. maybe you even have a lot of egocentric people around you, therefore your kindness just stands out even more. don't lose that sincere heart you have for others, however; you need to listen to what you yourself want more as well <3 learn to balance these two sides in you out, because if not, others might take advantage of you)

i do think though, that a lot of this calmness might be a result of your maturity. it's interesting because on the one hand you can feel like the young student who still believes they have so much to learn from life, but at the same time, you do have a lot of valuable advice to give to people, just because you might relate to a lot of the things others go through. you seem amazing at putting yourself in someone else's shoes, i can feel people thinking you're a great listener.

i just feel like your unique beauty lies in this gentle, pleasant and mild energy you bring to the table. you'd be the type of person i could tell my deepest darkest secrets to comfortably, and i feel like you wouldn't mutter a word to anybody. like your friends probably can tell you the wildest sht they've done, without any embarrassment. or call you at any given moment, and you'd be there to listen to their angry rants or rages, and just take it all in quietly.

[evertidings]

— OCTOBER 2024.

accomplishments.

ahh i can’t believe it’s november (almost typed october there, great going me). it’s so wild to think we’re almost at the new year. i say that every time holiday season rolls around, but i genuinely feel it every year. so so crazy.

onto actual writing stuff: i hope you all enjoyed chapter eleven!! it’s been a month since it was released and i got such great reception from it, so thank you for reading and for saying such wonderful things to me. i spent the first bit of this month taking a break from writing (and recovering from the mental toll chapter eleven took on me), but i’m back at it now and i’m pleased to say that chapter twelve is in the works.

i'm currently writing one of two big branches in the book featuring, you guessed it, the ros. i know i've said this a lot lately, but we are truly very close to the romance lock and i want to make sure you have ample one-on-one time with the ro(s) of your choice before that happens. it's mostly for development reasons, but it definitely doesn't hurt that you get more time with your faves, right? thank me later.

to give you a little glimpse of chapter twelve, i'll vaguely say that Eliana's meeting will be a doozy. she's on a completely different level from Mirai and i already know i'm going to have so much fun writing that scene. i have plans to add tons of details and flavour text, and while it'll probably be more complicated than it needs to be (causing my future self to curse me out), i think it'll be really worth it. the intricacies of this game may be tedious at times, but i also think it's what makes it flourish (and loved) so i'm more than happy to do it. plus it gets me excited so hehe.

overall, the goal for this month involves writing. tons of writing. i don't have a date for chapter twelve yet since it's much too early, but i don't want to make you all wait ten months again, so i'm working my hardest! this chapter is going to be difficult to write (really though, when do i not struggle with writing?) but i'm really excited for it. Eliana's scene will truly be one for the books.

as always, take care of yourselves <3

stats.

chapter total: 9305 words

game total: ~520,780 words

[postalignments]

Spreading this for my American followers! As an American myself, I know that things look hopeless, but we can get through this! If your education is limited, feel free to reach out to me for help with any math as long as it's algebra 1 or anything simpler than that (I'm still learning geometry). And I personally don't know much about the history they'll deem important to stop teaching, but I do know a lot of ancient history and mythology, so I can help with those on the chance that you need assistance.

Stay strong, everybody. It's in the Constitution (Amendment 22, section 1) that he can't serve any more terms after this. And to change the Constitution, you would need 2/3 of the Senate, 2/3 of the House, and at least 34 states to approve. Remember that out of over eleven thousand proposed changes to the Constitution, only 27 have passed this!

Study up on civics. Learn about your government. Find out why it works the way it does. Read the Constitution, it isn't that long. Know your rights. It'll be harder for them to violate our rights if we know we had those rights in the first place. These people thrive off the ignorance of the public. So don't be the ignorant public.

Learn to cook. Start biking or walking instead of driving if gas prices get too high, both to save yourself the expense and because we all know what excessive unnecessary driving does to the environment. Do everything you can to reduce your expenses if you must.

Women who think this will be needed, stock up on birth control and anything you can use for an abortion before Project 2025 bans it. Everyone, do research on Project 2025, as much as you can, find out how it will affect you and your loved ones (because unless you're a cishet middle or upper class white man, it will affect you), and take initiative to do as much as you can to prevent it in the time we have left.

We just need to push through for four more years. It sounds long, but trust me, it's not. Four more years, and we can attempt at fixing whatever he ruins. Hell, we can start now. Do whatever you can to fight this, and if we're relentless enough, they'll have to give in eventually. The one good thing about this country being run by old men is that as of 2021, the life expectancy for men in the U.S. is 73 years. They'll be gone soon. Let's outlive them so we can make a better America that will hopefully learn from its mistakes for once.

If by some miracle sweet potato Hitler doesn't win come the end of the week, this won't be necessary, but should he win here are some of the first things to be aware of or do.

If you know a trans person, no you don't. Respect them as best you can in private but you know nothing in public.

Be aware that TikTok will likely be banned, find new platforms to spread information. Fuck Twitter and what ever tiktok replacement he's working on.

Learn to Garden, even in winter so you can feed yourself should prices skyrocket

Get an air purifier. The Clean Air Act is likely to be stripped of its power with the EPA deregulated, air quality is going to suffer

Should you have kids, try to supplement history/social studies education. That's the first place they will attack, if you need help ask, history teacher will help

Try and do what you can to be aware of your health before January.

Help one another. That's the best way we can move forward and make change in the future.

[sugarnspice630]

Hii! I checked your pinned post but I couldn't find anything saying if you were taking requests at the time (or maybe I'm just blind, could be too), so feel free to ignore this if your requests are closed!!!

It's just that me and my friend had a silly conversation about Ateez sizes the other day, and now a new idea recently popped up in my head. So I was wondering:

Which members do you think are growers(size drastically changes when hard) VS showers(size doesn't change a lot)?

Grower VS Shower - Ateez Edition

A/N: I'm salivating at the thought of this and I have no idea why it's hitting me so hard. I didn't intend on making it an even split between all 8, but as I thought about who fit which category more, it just ended up that way. Please be sure to drop a like, reblog if you enjoyed it, and comment your favorite part! Happy reading!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆───

Growers

Jongho - I think Jongho has a lot of girth already, but when he gets hard, it grows to be just the right size to hit all the right places.

Mingi - listen...I know this man is already big to begin with...but for some reason I can just see him getting hard and his size increases even more than it already is.

Yeosang - small and petite when normal, but when he's in the mood, it grows in size and width.

Seonghwa - like Yeosang, it's compact and easy to manage when not hormy but when he is it grows in size, not so much in girth.

Showers

Yunho - he's just big and he knows it. He's always ready to whip it out and show it to you whenever you need it.

Hongjoong - my sweet, lovely boy. I know his dick is already perfect. It doesn't take much for him to get in the mood so it's super convenient and always handy.

Wooyoung - may not have a lot of length, but I know his girth is perfect enough already to where you could bounce on it flaccid and it would still feel good.

San - similarly to Yunho, he's always ready to get it out for when you need him. The length of his dick before for hitting your sweet spot right when he bottoms out.

Tags: @pre1ttyies @isiloiale @moongoddess1982 @xuchiya @myloveforyunho @ywtfvs @meowmeeps @tinyelfperson @httpseungmxn @acupoftaewithsomesuga @tiredlittlevirgo @no1likevie @arki-sha @yeosangsbbg @sanipan @10nantscompanion @sugawara-levi @skzooluvr @hongjng8

[sillyuin]

can i request for svt x grovelling??? I REALLY WANNA SEE HOW THE MEMBERS WOULD BEG FOR ANOTHER CHANCE TO THEIR S/O 😭

Hi anon! sorry it take me so long, I've been really busy with work but here it is.

How svt apologizes after breaking up 💔 (ot13)

Yuin's note: this is purely fiction and my p.o.v. Being honest, as a spanish native speaker I never heard of the word "grovelling" before and I thought I didn't handle the concept properly 😭 but I tried. Any advice is really appreciated.

Scoups, Mingyu, Dino. He’s almost whining for it.

You’ve lost the count of the notifications that came to the phone, and blocking him just doesn't feel right at all (at this point it seems like a good option tho lol). After reading some pity messages you decided to call him and... Oh boy. You didn't need to look him in the eyes to realize he was about to cry, he insists a thousand times that everything has been his fault and that he will do whatever is necessary to make things up.

Jeonghan, Joshua, Minghao. Tries to keep it cool but is not.

After some days with zero contact, you received an unexpected call and he’s inviting you go for a walk; it’s a bit awkward because it feels too quiet but you accept anyways. There is definitely something fishy going on. He seemed very stoic and, respectfully, he apologizes if something he did or said offended you, asking for a peace agreement. But you know him very well and you don't give in, until he's flustered enough to open up about his feelings and begs for another chance with you.

Jun, Dokyeom. Wants to say a lot but his head is a mess.

His mind has simply left this astral plane because, the moment you accidentally ran into him during an outing, he completely froze. He tries to be friendly and makes an effort to address you but his voice is so, so shaky he can’t even say a coherent sentence, making this situation even more uncomfortable. When you decided to leave as quick as possible, It was like the ideas in his head finally connect and asks for your forgiveness in the most desperate way possible, then he breaths and starts speaking out while his face blushes with embarrassment.

Seungkwan, Hoshi. Wants to say a lot and says a lot.

The phone has rung several times during the day and after countless missed calls, you decide to answer just bc you’re tired of this situation. However, as soon as you answer, there's no time to say hello properly when he starts talking as if this were a rehearsed speech. He had never said so many things to you in this lifetime. “I’m sorry for the time I didn’t close the toothpaste” “I’m sorry for making a midnight snack and leaving the kitchen a mess” “I’m sorry for the time I…” And so on for a long time.

Wonwoo, Woozi, Vernon. Straight to the point.

Too straightforward for his own being lmao. He just comes to your apartment with an nice gift and apologized in the most direct way possible, willing to listen to you, no matter how long it will take. Literally left everything behind just to see you :(

[biteyoubiteme]

okay okay okay!!

txt vs no nut november! and maybe single / with a partner and regular sex life

like, would / wouldn't participate (and why), how long it would take for them to lose (if lose at all, I look at you taehyun), why they would lose (idek, forgot, were too stressed, too horny, etc)

would there be a member who would be like "I'll cum at 0:01, november the first, and will enjoy the whole month looking at you all suffer, losers"?

ahhhh now I think of requesting yeonkai x reader about nnn...

txt v. no nut november

warnings: 🔞!!! gn!reader, mentions of masturbation/sex, cockwarming, edging, prob forgot some sorry

wc: 0.7k total

an: hiiii @apeachty you're my favorite because you can read my mind on exactly what I want to write next lol I don't know if I got everything you asked for but I hope you enjoy!

[m.list] [1kevent m.list]

taehyun .ᐟ

if you didn't think taehyun was winning I don't know what you're on but it's just known that he would hold out the longest. If he did lose it was because the clocks had just turned to midnight when he finished effectively ending his need to even participate in a game he knows is arbitrary. This does not mean that he doesn't still try because he loves a challenge. Will spend more time in the gym because of it but he will never complain. The guys will make fun of him saying he's not even in the game anymore seeing as he failed first, will actually go on into the first week of December just to prove a point.

beomgyu .ᐟ

Now I don't think beomgyu is very competitive about most things and if he is it's only because of teasing and needing to prove people wrong. But November is his time to shine. He will actively encourage the other’s partners to tease the boys just so that he can ‘win’ the bet. Will make it through the month but the end is an absolute struggle, suddenly he's getting boners left and right like he's a teenager again. The last day of November is the day he breaks. Technically all the other boys have already lost if you look past taehyun going past November. This is his excuse and doesn't even make it through the morning before he's cumming. By the end of the day, he is three orgasms down and doesn't even care about winning the title besides the fact he can joke about it until next year.

yeonjun .ᐟ

He tries so hard and wants to beat beomgyu because he is his only real competition. Actually masturbates a lot and just edges himself because he likes teasing and the ache it gives him. Avoiding his partner as if that will help anything, his imagination is just well enough. Only makes it a little more than halfway through the month before he's given up. He's not able to stay away from his partner and needs them too much to stop himself. Although he tries to just edge himself again, cockwarming only works until he's absentmindedly thrusting, cursing when he accidentally finishes. Just shrugs and goes another round this time without even feeling sorry. 

kai .ᐟ

Doesn't even remember that he's not supposed to be having sex, and doubly doesn't remember not to cum. He lasts a few days max and only because hadn't been near his partner. But as soon as they come near he's a needy mess, begging to get off because he just missed them so much. Remembers the last second about the group chat and the threats of having to pay for everyone's dinner if he's first to lose. Feels like a failure for only a second before shrugging just glad he doesn't have to worry about it anymore. Promises to win next year even if it's the last thing he does.

soobin .ᐟ

Talks big talk about winning but forgets exactly how often he finishes in a month. Will put himself into a bad mood and it's only been a few hours into November 1st. Has to avoid opening certain apps because he knows his feed will be evil and show him exactly what he wants to see but can't use to get him off. Surprises himself by even making it through the day only not really because he's got his hand down his pants only an hour before midnight. Cums multiple times and doesn't even bring it up that he's lost, actually lies about still holding out until he confesses to Kai that he too did not last long at all. “No, it was actually torture, the only thing I could think about was getting off and wondering exactly where you guys would pick to eat and if it would be that crazy to just send my card info in the chat to get it over with,” 

He and Taehyun have a full back-and-forth that lasts longer than it should about who should give their card to the waiter. The very serious debate ends after the laughter from the other boys is so loud people are looking their way. Soobin grumbles as he pays but knows it's only fair because he technically did lose first. He also knows that he was only a minute shy of actually finishing at midnight before the day even started for their competition and would have ended up paying anyway because unlike taehyun he would not have just continued the competition but would have just given up without even trying. 

taglist 🏷: @kissmekissykissme @bts-txt-ateez @apeachty want to be added to the taglist? check out my rules to see how to join! want to be taken off the taglist? send an ask!

[massharp1971]

Oh look I found why I'm getting anon harassment in my inbox - back from the depths of one of my shittiest years - and also note my explanations have been edited out. How very intellectual of you all to prove I'm very very stupid via the medium of memes. I give a more lengthy explanation of where I was coming from here although I'm pretty sure I did so at the time.

But also, some context: At the time of writing I was a part-time academic researcher in HUGE study related to a marginalised group. There are reasons I can't specify. The tenured professors in charge of the project had no academic background in this very niche field nor lived experience (I did and so did other junior researchers). And through the duration of the project they failed to engage with the existing research on this marginalised group, which meant by the time we came to write up they were embarassingly ignorant about the field. They also did really poor work - writing stuff up on the fly that was academically weak, poorly analysed, and poorly cited. If an undergrad had turned in what they did, they'd likely have failed. But they were professors - in UK, that means the top echelons of academia, and they could get away with any old shit. The professors were also heavily politically influenced by existing powers within the clinical field to water down what could have been incendiary findings about existing practices. I.e. the people who did not have lived experience but studied our community like bugs under a microscope were the people who called the shots. And they were also a boys club who got where they got via recommendation rather than training or academic engagement. There was no real evidence or academia underpinning much of their practice, which was part of what our research showed, and they were trying to cover up. So when I wrote this (and the more that has been cropped) I was an exhausted, burnt out academic working ridiculous hours to catch the worst of what these truly incompetent and self-serving professors were trying to put out into the world, all the while knowing that the very clinicians who were being exposed for basically abusing marginalised patients had more influence over the project than the people of lived experience (and more considerable collective academic knowledge of this particular niche) being tokenised and exploited as workers in the research, but also being silenced and ignored when convenient in the interests of power.

And the thing was, that there is such a complete lack of engagement with this community's embedded knowledge and our academic output that piss-poor academia passes muster in the field IF it props up existing biases and oppressive practice.

So I was, and continue to be, very jaded about how marginalised folks fare in academia. I'm also terrified of the way money and power dictate what research tells us and which research findings get heard and which buried. As for peer review? The "peers" reviewing are rarely embedded or of lived experience themselves, so peer review is sometimes little more than a pale stale male back slapping exercise. It vastly depends on the field, of course. But go read about the replication crisis in psychology - all that shit was peer reviewed and a whole field was built on it. You don't need to be an academic or be able to read books to tell whether academic research on marginalised people is good or not, you just need to listen to a few sensible, moderately smart people from the marginalised group, and check that they are reasonably well thought of by the group at large. Whether or not they're academics - personally, I'd pick both, because there was A LOT of pressure on those of us who were marginalised in academia to eat our words and not challenge stuff for the sake of career progression, and I came rapidly to the conclusion you cannot be a marginalised person in academia without having to make choices that may well betray your principles and your community.

Which is why I'm no longer an academic. There are other sources of learning than influencers OR academia and sometimes the best way to learn is to listen to a bunch of people who have the right experience rather blinkeredly trusting letters after their name. I got into academia through an atypical route and had written very well thought of, well researched and well cited materials including a published book before I was (briefly) an academic.

So, don't you come at me telling me I can't read. I wonder which line of this people will cherrypick to "prove" that anyone who doesn't swallow whole every last thing academics say is stupid?

(including Andrew Wakefield, presumably, because he was very much peer reviewed, but when your research feeds a moral panic about a marginalised group, peer review isn't the all-powerful catch of bad research people think it is) Will you screenshot me again so I don't get a chance to explain myself or right of reply? So I don't know why I'm suddenly having to turn my inbox off anon asks?

signed an anti-intellectual, apparently. Or maybe someone who doesn't think it's safe to go round the internet saying "believe everything academics say, peer review means you can trust each and every word of it, always, and the neoliberal and political forces that blight influencer culture are repelled entirely by red brick" I fucking wish.

[aemnd]

𝒹𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝒻𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘦. ⎯⎯⎯ 𝙖.𝙩.

content warnings. -> minors dni. smut. afab. fem!reader. cunnilingus. incest. size kink. pet names. canon!aemond. dom + sub undertones. fluff, with dark undertones. obsessive & possessive behaviors.

𝓵𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘦'𝘴 𝓁𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝓃𝘰𝘵𝘦— hihi. !!!!!! ♥︎🧸 first lil fanfic on this new blog :) i hope y'all enjoy reading, lil angels. ໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১♡ pls rb & comment to lmk what y'all think. 💭

she was such a pretty thing— a shy, sensitive little angel, made from the moon herself, with a delicate heart and a doll-like face, always so sweetly naïve.

before the war, aemond had always thought her to be divine, enchanting with her natural-born beauty, something he coveted, clinging to the fantasies he would conjure up in his mind when he was just a boy, ready to snap at any moment to claim her as his.

and so, with time, and lots of effort and patience, as well as a bit of bloodshed and cruelty, aemond had finally captured his sweet little niece, claiming her as his fragile bride.

with a low hum, the corner of aemond's naturally curved lips curl up into a soft, lazy smirk, his dilated eye sharp and completely focused on his little wife, observing her naked, curled up frame in their martial bed, amused by the way she continued to pretend to be sleeping.

"my darling wife," aemond purrs, his voice a soft, but deep baritone as he walks over to her petite form, the sapphire that was stuffed into his left eye socket gleaming with obsession, a need to worship her, his perfect little goddess.

"'tis time to wake up, sweet niece."

"mmh... but aemond, i'm still so sleepy," she complains, her voice soft-spoken and sweetly innocent, luring aemond even more under her wicked spell, captivated by the way her slender limbs move to stretch languidly, looking just like a newborn kitten.

aemond's gaze lingers on her beautiful face, memorizing every detail, even the minuscule ones, unable to stop his eye from falling to her bosom, enchanted by her breasts— so beautiful and perky, deliciously sweet, with tiny little nipples just begging to be sucked on and teased.

"mh, perhaps i should find another way to get you out of bed, my sweet," he suggests, slightly mocking, almost taunting her as one of his large, calloused hands reach out towards her, his long, nimble fingers gently gliding across the smooth, bare skin of her inner thigh.

softly, she giggles as she shyly looks up at her beloved husband, squinting up at him with a cute, playful pout. "i think you just love to see me annoyed, husband," the princess complains, sulking, unable to keep herself from squirming underneath his feather-light touch on her skin.

"you just might be right, my love," aemond coos, his voice softened with faux sweetness, his lips curling up into a sharp grin, readying himself to feast upon his wife's luscious body.

before she can utter another word, her husband effortlessly grabs her by her plushy thighs, and then practically yanks her down until her ass meets the edge of the large bed, allowing him to finally settle comfortably between her spread legs— an offering as sweet as the finest ambrosia.

swiftly, aemond kneels before her with a hungry glint in his remaining eye, his lips parted slightly with the need to taste her, to devour her sweetness, to consume her completely.

"aemond... p-please, do not tease me," she begs breathily, sounding so pretty for him, all needy. with little patience, aemond leans down until his face is hovering right over her slick, glistening cunt, her tiny hole fluttering and clenching with the need to be stuffed full of cock.

with a small, satisfied smirk, aemond breathes a light chuckle, his sapphire eye sharp and gleaming as his remaining eye focuses solely on his beloved wife's face, adorably scrunched up in anticipation.

"do not fear, little wife," aemond croons, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses across her mound, listening to her soft mewls and sweet sighs of pleasure, making the prince snicker underneath his breath, his lips now ghosting right above where her puffy clit laid concealed by her delicate folds.

"i swear to you, upon my honor as a targaryen— i shall worship this delectable little pussy until you're writhing and begging me for release," he promises, parting her slippery folds with two fingers, grinning sharply as he reveals her little fuckhole, hypnotized by the way her tiny cunt flutters and clenches around nothing, leaking with her arousal.

swiftly, aemond's tongue darts out, licking a slow, deliberate path along her leaking slit, savoring the sweet honey that was her arousal. he groans in approval, the sound vibrating against her most intimate area, causing his innocent wife to squeak sharply, a soft, feminine noise of pleasure echoing and bouncing off of the walls of their chamber.

"mmh, so fucking delicious... you were made for my pleasure, weren't you, sweetling?"

she gasps sharply, her back arching off the bed as aemond's skilled tongue makes contact with her sensitive flesh, teasing her with gentle licks at first before he begins lapping at her eagerly, a low growl ripping through his throat as he feasts on her drooling cunt.

with a girlish shriek, pleasure sparks through her like lightning, igniting a desperate ache deep inside her womb.

the pleasure aemond gives her is always so intense, so overwhelming, nearly suffocating, and yet, she cannot help but crave even more from him, addicted and hungry for more, always more.

it was never enough, she could never get enough of him, and just like herself, her beloved husband was always in need of her as well, an obsessive need to take, to claim, to own… to belong to each other.

"ohh... gods, y-yes! please, aemond," she whimpers, her soft-spoken voice all high-pitched and needy, her fingers tangling in the long, silky strands of aemond's silvery hair, urging him to continue on. "m-more, i...i need... i-i need..."

her hips buck up involuntarily, seeking friction against the velvet stroke of his skilled tongue, not caring how pathetic she must look trying to grind her cunt on her husband's blissed out face.

soon, her mind reels, struggling to comprehend the onslaught of sensations, the sheer bliss that threatens to consume her entirely. she feels so alive, so taken, so utterly possessed by the intense, stimulating pleasure that aemond gives to her.

"a-aemond, it feels... t-too much!" she squeals, delirious and whiny with her intense, building pleasure, feeling as if her own pleasure was nearly suffocating her.

aemond's eyes gleam with dark satisfaction as he hears her frantic pleas, her body trembling beneath his ministrations. he redoubles his efforts, lapping and suckling at her clit with increasing fervor, determined to push her to the brink of ecstasy.

"that's it, sweetling... let go for me," he growls against her dripping folds, the vibrations adding to her torment. "i want to hear you scream my name as you come undone for me."

aemond's fingers join the assault, plunging two digits deep into her fluttering fuckhole, pumping steadily as his tongue continues its relentless stimulation on her swollen clit.

humming softly, aemond's free hand reaches up to palm at her breast, rolling and pinching the sensitive nipple, further heightening her arousal.

"mine, you're all mine, wife," he declares, his voice thick with desire.

not a second later, her world narrows to the point of aemond's tongue, his fingers quickly fucking into her, the searing touch of his large, masculine hands on her most intimate places. she's drowning in sensation, her mind fragmenting under the force of her impending climax.

"yes, y-yes, yours!" she wails, her voice ragged and breathless, unable to stop squirming and writhing helplessly beneath his mastery. "p-please, husband, make me... make m-me..."

a choked sob escapes from her pouty lips as the first waves of her orgasm crash over her, her inner walls clamping down hard around aemond's thrusting fingers. her vision whites out, stars exploding behind her fluttering eyelids as pleasure rips through her like a tempest, leaving her gasping and shaking in its aftermath.

"a-aemond!" she squeals, girlish whines continuously falling from her quivering lips.

aemond feels his wife shatter beneath his touch, her release gushing forth in a flood of slick desire. with a small, devilish smirk, he works her through it mercilessly, prolonging her pleasure until she collapses back onto their bed, spent and panting.

with a final, lingering swipe of his tongue, aemond withdraws from between her shaky thighs, crawling up her trembling form to capture her mouth in a deep, searing kiss, making his little wife taste herself on his lips, salty-sweet and intoxicating.

"you're exquisite as always, little wife," he murmurs against her mouth, his own still tinged with the evidence of her passion, "however… we've only just begun."

⎯⎯𝓯𝘪𝘯,

[marvelwitchergilmore]

Longing Looks to Something More

Summary: Tyler Owens x Fe!Reader -> You and Tyler have been friends for a long time, but one day things begin to change.

Disclaimer: Steamy moments, swearing, fluffy moments, oblivious idiots in love, love confessions (kinda), lots of pining. Not Proof Read.

You heard his boots scuffing the barn floor before he pulled out a chair next to your desk. 

“Here.” Looking up, you found where he’d placed a fresh cup of tea beside you. “It’s too late for coffee, and Cathy said it’s good for sleep.”

“I don’t need sleep.” You lifted the mug. “But thank you.”

Tyler sat back in his chair, watching you as you went back to your work. You’d been sitting at that desk since four o’clock in the afternoon, and that hour was long gone. 

“When was the last time you got some decent shut eye?” Tyler asked, picking up a folder you’d finished looking at so he could make the conversation feel less like an interrogation. 

He smiled as he saw the small scribbled in the margins. 

“Before college properly.”

He shut the document. “I’m being serious, Y/n.”

“So am I,” you said, holding in a laugh. But then he gave you the look. 

Sighing, and relaxing your shoulders, you leaned to look at him. “I appreciate your concern, Ty, I really do. But I’m okay. I promise.”

He watched you for a moment before taking half of the scribbled notes from you and using the folder as something to lean on. 

“What are you doing?” You asked, watching him. 

“Helping.”

“Tyler-”

He looked at you. “You need sleep and I’m not leaving until you do. And that won’t be until you finish. Twice the people, half the work.”

You would have fought him on it, but in truth, you’d spent so much time looking at the calculations and data you thought you were starting to think in them, instead of words. 

And he was right. 

Whatever work you’d been distracting yourself with was as wrapped up as it could be until you gathered some more data. And by the looks of it, the tea was working. You’d been giving into your yawns rather than trying to fight them off. 

Tyler had seen you do this for years. He was just glad they had Kate’s barn to work out of when chasing. You all finally had a home base now. 

“Right, come on.”

Tyler practically hauled you from your seat. 

“Bedtime.”

It was easier than previous nights to get you to move away from your work and head down to the farm house. There were three places to sleep on the farm. Inside the main house, which was where Kate stayed with Cathy and someone else would take the guest room. Then there was the guest house, with a couple different rooms which everybody had slept in at least once. Whoever fell asleep first, got the first pick of a room. Then there was the smaller guest house. It had one bedroom, a kitchen, a bathroom, a small sitting room and enough of a wooden stand in the back to be considered a porch. 

That was where you and Tyler would be tonight since you were the last to go to bed. 

“I brought your stuff down here earlier. I’m gonna brush my teeth.”

“Okay,” you yawned. 

By the time you’d gotten dressed in your pyjamas, these days consisted of a random t-shirt which you were sure had belonged to one of the boys at some point, and cotton shorts. You joined Tyler in the bathroom, brushing your teeth whilst he washed his face. 

Turning off the bath tap, he wrung out the face cloth before throwing it over the towel rail to dry. 

“Come on.” 

Finally rinsing out your mouth, you heard the clink of your toothbrush in the cup and wiped your mouth. 

Tyler’s hand hovered by your hip as he led you out of the bathroom, turning the light off behind him, across the small living room and into the bedroom. 

By that point, Tyler had practically wrangled and tucked you into bed before laying down beside you. For years, you’d shared a bed. You’d both shared a bed at least three times with each member of the crew. There was always a motel somewhere that didn’t have enough space. 

So it didn’t freak you out to think you’d be sharing a bed with Tyler. 

By the time the lights cut out, it wasn’t long before you were fast asleep. 

When you woke up, you felt secure. Like you’d been wrapped in a weighted blanket. Only when you opened your eyes did you realise it was Tyler’s arms. With your back against his chest, his arms held you securely against him. He was fast asleep. His breathing even, soft snores coming from him as he held onto you for dear life. 

It took you a minute but you eventually pulled yourself from his arms and headed for the bathroom. By the time you’d finished, you could hear him walking around the place before you heard the pans being moved around. 

He was making breakfast. 

“Hey.” 

Tyler looked over his shoulder as he scrambled the eggs. “Hey, how’d you sleep?”

“Good. Better than college.”

Tyler smiled. “Good. Eggs’ll be done soon.”

“Thanks. Want some coffee?”

Tyler nodded and you started brewing it from the pot, grabbing two mugs and setting them beside each other. 

After breakfast and coffee, Tyler headed for a shower and you got changed into some fresh clothes. You’d also found his inside one of the closets so, after pulling back the bed covers, you laid his clothes out at the foot of the bed. 

“Hey, Ty? I’m gonna head up to-”

You’d been focusing on tying the bottom of your shirt up as you walked the short distance out of the bedroom and past the sofa, ready to call through the door to him. However, without looking up, you ran into something. 

At first, you figured it was the door, but when the door suddenly grew arms, steadied you and spoke, you realised what had actually happened. 

Stood, his waist wrapped in a towel, his hair still dripping a little from the water, Tyler had opened the door. 

And there you stood, suddenly dumbfounded, in his arms, unsure of what to do. 

“Uhh, sorry. I-I didn’t.” Your mind seemed to take a mental picture of the Tyler that stood in front of you in that moment, and for the life of you, you couldn’t understand why. 

“You okay?”

Clearing your throat, you stepped back and out of his grasp. “Yea-yep. Yes. All good. I was just gonna…”

You forced yourself to look at his face before he thought you were checking him out. 

“I was gonna head up to the barn. I’ve, uhh, I’ve left your stuff in..in the bedroom.”

You started to make a break for it towards the front door and Tyler remained in his position, watching you. 

“Sure you’re okay?”

You nodded firmly. “Just peachy.”

Tyler couldn’t help but smile a little as he watched you leave after getting so flustered. But, shaking his head, he turned back towards the bedroom. He hadn’t meant for that to happen, but something inside of him was glad it did. 

The rest of the day, you tried to keep your mind focused on your tasks rather than constantly replaying what had happened that morning. Tyler. His arms. His grip. His body. His eyes. His voice. Him. 

None of that was helped when you saw him walking up the small hill towards the barn, his wranglers being filled in all the right places. 

“Stop it.” You told yourself over and over and over again. Even more so when he leaned over you from behind your chair, asking about the data collection. How was it that a man could still smell so good hours after taking a shower? Immediately, your mind projected the towel-wrapped image of him from that morning. 

“Stop it.”

Tyler hummed a response, not having heard you. 

“Nothing,” you brushed it off. And he just shrugged. 

However, you weren’t the only one confused by your sudden replay of the morning going over in your head. 

“Stare at her any longer and somebody might think you’re in love.” 

Tyler turned and looked back at Dexter. “What are you talking about?”

Dexter smiled. “I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at her. If you’re not looking around this barn for her, you’re looking at her.”

“No, I’m not.” Tyler tried to laugh it off. But then he found himself looking back at you. Your reaction to him coming out of the shower kept playing on his mind. As did the feeling of you being in his arms this morning before he woke up again. 

Standing and leaning behind you as you sat at your desk allowed for your shampoo to fill his senses. And it took him right back to being in bed with you after ushering you to bed. He’d woken up just a little before the sun had come up. His arms were already around you, but he wouldn’t have moved in fear of waking you considering you were holding his arms to you. 

Calming himself down, your shampoo filled his senses and imprinted the feeling and image of you in his mind. So, when he stood with you, that feeling came right back. 

He must have fallen back to sleep, too, because when he woke up, he heard the sink running in the bathroom. 

“Dex, can I ask you something?”

“Sure. So long as it’s not how to read Y/n’s handwriting. What does this even say?”

Leaning over him, Tyler read it. “Continued on page five.”

Dexter nodded, a little shocked. “What’s your question?”

“When…” He looked back at you for a moment before tearing his gaze away. “When do you know something is changing?”

“Is this about you and Y/n? Because I have to say, I think you might be the last to know.”

“What?”

Dexter started listing things off. “The way you look at her? The way she looks at you? The fact you’re the only one she’ll listen to, or you’re the only one who can read her handwriting?”

Tyler shrugged. “You get used to it after a while. But, I…”

“Did something happen?”

Tyler shook his head. “Technically, no.”

“But you wish it had?”

“That’s the thing. I don’t know if I did or not. We’re friends. We’ve only ever been friends. Why would things start changing now?”

“Maybe now is the time.” Dexter said. “It’s like you say, a tornado is part science, part religion. Some things, or at least part of them, can’t always be explained. You and Y/n have a deep connection. You’re friends. Maybe now it’s time to explore things further.”

Taking one final look over at you, Tyler didn’t know what to do. 

“Maybe.”

Tyler wrestled with the idea for a week or more. You’d both been friends for a long time. And, sure. Maybe he’d checked you out once or twice over the years. He wasn’t blind. You were beautiful. Why you were still single baffled him. And, yeah, maybe he’d felt a little jealous when someone from a bar would ask you to dance with them. But that didn’t mean he was catching feelings, did it?

Except, the longer time went on, the more he could feel them becoming more noticeable. He kept catching himself looking at you throughout the day, His heart and stomach kept doing a weird ‘hop, skip and jump’ thing every time he saw you. Except, it had started to be whenever he even thought about you. Whenever he saw you in one of the guy’s t-shirts that wasn’t his, he felt a pang in his chest, but when he saw you in his…he had to leave the room for fear of the extent of his emotions showing up in front of everyone. 

And just when he thought he was getting better at hiding his feelings, Boone asked him a question. 

“When are you gonna ask her out, dude?”

Tyler, who had been on the roof of his truck since you got back from another tornado chase, stopped what he was doing and looked down at Boone. 

“What?”

Pausing where he was in the book you had given him only a few hours ago to keep him occupied, Boone looked at Tyler. “You’ve been watching her all day.”

Tyler looked back at his work, rather than back at you. You were a short way across the farm, helping haul some bags of feed from the truck and into the barn. 

“No, I haven’t.”

Boone just laughed. “Come on, man. We all see it. Hell, I’ve seen it since you first met her. D’you know you get this funny look on your face when you look at her? Had it then, have it now. Just louder.”

Tyler just shook his head and mumbled; “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

This time, Boone stood up. “You’re my brother, Tyler. So I’m gonna tell you straight. You’re in love with, Y/n. So rather than sitting here, thinking about her. Go over there and do something about it. Or else Me and Lily are gonna have to start watching Parent Trap to take some more notes.”

Tyler looked back at Boone. “More notes?”

Boone cleared his throat and shook his head, scuffing his feet on the ground. If Tyler or you knew the lengths they’d gone through to get either one of you this far…

“Dude, just ask her out.” 

As he went and sat back down, he watched Tyler look back down the field towards you. Except, that was interrupted by Dani and Dexter heading up the road. 

It was from their announcement that everyone found themselves getting dressed up to head to the local bar for a night of country dancing. 

However, that caused one problem. 

Tyler. 

Smelling just as he did a few weeks ago when you ran into his freshly showered, towel-wrapped body. 

Filling out his jeans in all the right places. 

With a crisp white t-shirt. 

And you caught him from the moment he’d taken his backwards cap off his head, throwing it onto his dash and pulling his cowboy hat out, fixing it onto his head. 

And the way he was looking at you as you walked down the steps of the house, dressed in your only pair of denim shorts that didn’t need washing, a t-shirt you’d borrowed from Kate since the one you planned on wearing still had motor oil on from when you were helping Dani with the camper, and an oversized checked shirt, along with your cowboy boots; it was giving you more ideas than you needed in your head when it came to Tyler. 

 “Ready to go?”

Tyler had to look away from you, letting his gaze land on his feet as he nodded and opened up his passenger door for you. “Yep.”

For a moment, you could have sworn he looked nervous. But considering you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him any longer than a second and a half in fear he’d see exactly what you were thinking when you looked at him, you couldn’t be sure. 

And when he grabbed your hand half way through the night to bring you onto the dance floor, holding you close to him as you both two-stepped across the old wooden floor, those feelings that had been bubbling inside you for weeks; you could feel them pouring over whatever container you tried to shove them into. 

The feeling of his hand on your lower back, the feeling of his hand in yours, the feeling you got when he looked at you, and the way his voice sounded, so close to your ear. 

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” 

“It’s kinda personal.”

You were confused. “Okay?”

Now he just had to find the last shreds of courage to ask you. “Is something…has something…between you and me…is there…”

Each time he said a word, your head rushed around the million different things he was trying to ask you. 

“Just spit it out, Tyler.”

“Do you like me?”

No. I love you. 

“How’d you mean?” You asked. 

Tyler had a few seconds to think how to phrase his question as he spun you out before pulling you back. 

“Like, more than usual.”

Now he was starting to confuse himself. “I just…am I imagining things here, or is something…different? Between us, I mean.”

It was your chance to think. Had he been feeling it too? The way the room felt a lot more claustrophobic, in the good way, when it was just you two? Did he feel your touch as strongly in his bones as you did? Did he…did he love you the same way you did for him?

“It’s just…I feel like I woke up one morning and…I don’t know. You’re the person I’d talk to about this kinda stuff, so…I just thought I’d ask you about this, too. Is there…Is there something changing between us?”

The song slowed and you were completely against Tyler, standing in his space as he stood in yours. Looking up at him and meeting his green eyes, you told him the truth. 

“I think it already has.”

From the table in the corner, the others watched you and Tyler slow down and just simply look at each other. 

“Think he finally told her?” Lily asked, turning to the other hoping they saw what she did. 

“I think she told him.” Dani said, grabbing a handful of chips. 

“I think they’ve just told each other.”

Everyone looked at Dexter before turning to look back at you and Tyler on the dancefloor. 

You watched as Tyler registered everything you said and after an eternity, he looked up and around the room. You didn’t know what or who he was looking for, but after another moment, he grabbed your hand. 

“Come with me.”

You led you towards the back of the bar and out of the doors, the cold air hitting both of you all at once. The sound of the music and people drowned out as the door swung shut behind you both. 

“Ty, where are we-”

Swinging you around, you felt Tyler stop you in your tracks before he looked at you. Really looked at you. 

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course.”

From day one of meeting Tyler, you knew you could trust him. And you knew you always would. 

Brushing the hair from your face, he seemed to finally breathe. And you slowly leaned into his touch. “Y/n…”

He swallowed nervously before asking the question that had been on his mind since the first time he’d woken up with you in his arms. 

“Can I kiss you?”

Drawing his eyes from your lips, he looked into yours. You knew if you said no, he would walk away. He wouldn’t question you, he wouldn’t push. 

But you wanted him to. 

“Yes.”

“Are you su-”

You cut him off, standing a little higher on your toes, you took his face into your hands and pulled him in to kiss you. His hands held you steady at your hips before snaking around your body and holding you flush against him whilst your own arms did the same around his neck. 

Parting for a breath, Tyler’s hands were quick to lift you up and you locked your ankles around his hips before your back was up against the cold brick wall. 

A small moan left your lips which forced Tyler to pull his lips from yours for a moment. 

“Are you okay?”

“Shut up and kiss me, Cowboy.”

Tyler smirked with a small chuckle. “Yes, ma’am.”

One hand holding you under your ass and another pushing through your hair, Tyler kissed you as if your life depended on it. 

You died with his kiss, and he brought you back with the next. God, you never wanted it to end. 

However, it was forced when you both heard the back door to the bar swing open and crash against the wall before a pair of drunk laughs getting closer. 

Thankfully, it wasn’t anyone on the team. Otherwise you and Tyler would have been caught in a very compromising position considering you could feel all of Tyler against your body at that moment. 

Looking back at you with a half drunk smile, which you were sure you owned the other half to, Tyler kissed you quickly once more. Before giving you another, and another and another as you slowly unhooked your legs from him and he lowered you to the ground. 

“We better get back inside.”

You smiled. “I think the others already have an idea on what we’re doing out here.”

“Still. If we’re gonna go any further, I’d rather make love to you someplace that isn’t behind the back of a bar.”

You blushed. “Make love?”

Tucking a stray hair behind your ear, Tyler leaned down and kissed the shell. 

“Would you prefer for me to fuck you? Because I can do that, too, Sweetheart.”

Tyler watched as your cheeks heated. He didn’t have to look at you to know what you were thinking about. Because he was thinking about it, too. 

“Come on. We better get inside.”

Pressing a final kiss to your lips, Tyler took your hand and led you back into the bar. You were pretty sure after his question, your brain had been completely fried with thoughts of Tyler fucking you. 

Not helped by the fact that when he walked you back inside, he pulled you to stand in front of him, his hands on your waist. “I’m gonna get a drink, you want one?”

You still couldn’t speak so just nodded. 

Tyler smiled a little and kissed your temple. “You keep thinking about my question, Sweetheart.”

You felt his hand tap your ass lightly before he walked away and towards the bar and you were left to walk back to where the team had been sitting in the corner. Thankfully, most of them apart from Dexter were up dancing. 

“You two finally talk?”

You felt yourself blush. You were glad most of the lights were directed onto the dancefloor or behind the bar. “A little more than that.”

Dexter smiled before taking a sip of his drink and handing you a small sketch. 

“Dexter, you’re the only person I know that brings a pad and pencil to a bar.”

He smiled. “Never know when inspiration will strike. Plus, I think you’ll like this one.”

From his pad, he pulled a small piece of card, no bigger than a beer coaster. In the middle stood the outline of two people. 

You and Tyler. 

Just moments ago, when you were standing on the dancefloor together. 

“Dex…”

He smiled. “You keep it. I’m gonna go to the gents.”

Standing up, Dexter walked away just as Tyler reached the table and handed you your drink before sitting beside you with his arm over your shoulders. 

“Look at this.”

“It's us.”

You smiled as you watched Tyler take hold of it and examine it for a moment. You could hear the cogs turning in his head but you weren’t sure why. But then he removed his hat and fixed the picture in place on the inner band. 

He fixed the hat back onto his head. “Well?”

You smiled. “You look handsome.”

Tyler smiled before leaning in to kiss you, and as he pressed his lips to yours, you both heard the hollering and whistles being blown by the rest of your team on the dancefloor. 

You felt yourself blush and chuckle, Tyler doing the same except as you hid your head for a moment on his shoulder, he waved his hands at the other to get them to stop. 

Looking back to you with a rested smile on his face, he leaned down and kissed you once more. 

“Ready to go home?”

You nodded and went to stand. 

“The offer still stands, Sweetheart.”

This time, as he remained seated, you turned back and pressed your knee into your chair, leaning over him as he looked up at you. 

“I want both,” you told him. Then you leaned in closer. “But if you’re gonna fuck me, you better fuck me like you mean it.”

It was his turn to blush, but you didn’t get away with not for long because Tyler’s hand came to your hip holding you steady when you kissed him. 

“Think you can take me, darlin’. Might need to get you ready first.”

You felt yourself smirk. “After those words and everything that happened outside, I’m already halfway there.”

Considering another tray of drinks made their way to the table in Dexter’s hands, Tyler told Tyler the others wouldn’t be leaving for a good while.

Tyler pressed one last kiss to your lips before he stood and took your hand in his, leading you back through the bar and towards his truck. 

“We’ll have to see about that.”

[fulloflambing]

࣪ . ִֶָ๋ KINICH: ❝ HEAVEN CAN WAIT. ❞

pairing: kinich x afab!reader (uses she/her) synopsis: during the invasion of the abyss, the bond between you and kinich is put to the test when you're both lost in the chaos searching for eachother, as he fulfills his sacred duty as one of the heroes of Natlan. warnings: spoilers of the 5.1 archon quests! lots of bodily injury + descriptions of gore, the war ingame is described in a darker way here, cursing, many mentions of death. wordcount: 5.4k cho’s notes: PLS SRSLY LISTEN TO THE INJURY WARNING!! i might be a little dramatic but theres an injury here that made me geek when i was writing it idk. this is basically 5.4k words of me pretending to understand the mechanics of the ode of resurrection 😭 i was inspired to write this after playing the 5.1 aq! hope u guys enjoy this, happy reads <3

taglist: @sillywinnertidalwave

Today marked the exact moment the people of Natlan realized that the abyss weren’t just these noisy hilichurls you see camping in the meadows or the occasional mages you’d encounter in the caves; The Abyss was a ruthless cult of monsters with their uniform goal of bringing humanity to its demise.

‘It was never supposed to get this bad.’ was the only thought racing through Kinich's mind as he swung from cliffs to trees as fast as he could, the muscles in his arms feeling like they could rip apart if he swung one more time, his head slightly burning with exhaustion and heart racing with overwhelming pressure.

People were getting massacred on the ground underneath him, as numerous warriors and guards pushed themselves beyond their limit to fend off the neverending wave of rifthounds and hilichurls coming from the illuminating pylons—and he couldn’t do anything about it. Not when everyone and everything needed his aid, all at once.

But Kinich had someone to come home to, and it was you.

The last moment of peace the both of you had together was just earlier today; Sipping coffee and eating fruit together, discussing light subjects to try and distract each other from the rising attacks of the abyss, totally oblivious to the fact that Natlan would be dragged into war by them hours later. 

He felt like it was just a minute ago when you sat in front of him, and glowed under the sunlight, slicing apples intricately as your lips spilled words. ‘How could this happen?’ he thought.

The image of you smiling, your face full of faith pulsed in his mind, making his stomach twist when his eyes landed on the village of the Scions of the Canopy; it was on the brink of ruin.

Caravans and carts were being ripped open with the goods spilling onto the ground only to be squashed, children getting dragged by desperate parents, greedy businessmen clawing at their money hoping it would save them, and the scattered limp bodies of innocent natlanese. The sky loomed over everyone’s heads in an eerie color, only amplifying the hopelessness he rarely felt in his chest. The scent of blood and burning ash filled his nostrils the second he violently landed onto the oversized canopy, mildly hurting his ankles in the process.

“Y/n? Y/n!” He called out among the frenzy, his eyes darting to every face he could spot. He got on his heel and started running— desperate that you wouldn’t appear as one of the bodies that were left to rot on the ground. 

He raced to your house, and tried to push the door open with no luck. He had no time to care for it, and just slashed through it with his bulky claymore and bursted into the room, his eyebrows knitted together, pupils dilated, cold sweat on his nape. His eyes don’t spot you in your usual leisure spot of your common room, making his heart drop. He checked all other rooms, and finally opened your bedroom:

You weren’t there.

You weren’t anywhere.

His heart hurt with every beat, and he desperately clawed at his chest trying to get back his calm composure he was always known for. But what for?

“Just give it up, that peasant probably turned into abyss food long before you even got here. Stop wasting your time, my time!” Ajaw suddenly hissed out, his words filling kinich’s mind with poison.

Imaginations of your body growing limp and cold, face turning blue, and blood oozing out from some part of your body as rifthounds dug through your flesh flashed through his head. And he tried to stop it. But with the spinning of his head and the lifelessness of your house that was once so full with your laughter, it just kept getting worse.

He stood with a lowered head, his hand gripping his claymore so tight his knuckles turned white. He fought back tears as his mind danced like a kaleidoscope. To him, there would be no use in saving Natlan, if you weren’t in the picture.

He was supposed to not let his will in defeating the abyss sway at all, you wouldn’t want that. No one would want that. He doesn’t either. But now faced with the odds that you might not be able to experience a Natlan that is finally free from centuries of prejudice, after you’ve been by his side telling him to have faith that the day will come, and the dreams you want to accomplish when everything is finally okay— It seemed unfair. SO unfair.

He whispers to himself, or rather to anything who was willing to listen, with a shaky voice: “If only one wish of mine can be granted for my whole lifetime, please.. Keep her safe. That’s all I ask.”

🎕 ‧₊˚ ⋅

The clashing of weapons against the shelled skin of the abyss monsters zipped through the air, as you swiftly dodged the claws of a relentless rifthound; you’ve been doing this for hours now.

You were helping your tribe, the Scions of the Canopy, strengthen its defenses before the outbreak until you were called by a messenger to help strengthen defenses of an adventurer’s base southeast of the village as it was being easily overwhelmed by the enemies. As the head of preparing defenses from the village, you happily obliged.

But now you were almost hours into battle, with your body aching in all different spots, as you tried your best to continue evading the insistent attacks of numerous monsters. You couldn’t find the energy to swing your sword with maximum strength anymore, so all you could muster up was to dodge them.

“Fuck! Will you ever quit!?” you yell, before pushing yourself beyond your limits again, attacking with frustration. You slashed through the tough skin of the rifthound with your dendro-infused blade, making it dissipate into purple smoke with a screeching growl before fading into the air.

You had a second for a breather and  took a deep breath, which you regretted immediately. “ugh!” you cried, falling to your knees, grabbing your side. You recall the moment you heard something snap when a hilichurl swung its wooden baton at your side when you were busy confronting a different monster. You broke your rib, and it was now piercing your lung.

You stared into the dirt, forehead collecting sweat. You took your hand off of your side, seeing blood paint your palm a deep scarlet. You touched your forehead, and brought your hand back to your eyes— You were bleeding. everywhere.

Your eyes sting with tears, the reality of the situation slowly setting into your head— The chances of you leaving this battlefield alive was slim. Your teeth press against your bottom lip tightly, the pain being incomparable to the injuries you’ve sustained. 

‘I’m sorry kinich.’ echoed in your mind. Kinich had been training you recently, for you to be ready in case of an invasion and he wasn’t there to protect you. But here you are, head-first onto the ground, realizing you’ll probably die in the next few minutes.

‘I’m sorry kinich.. I’m not built for this.’ you whimpered, tears slowly trickling down your face. You felt so heavy with hopelessness, you felt like you could start sinking into the solid dirt beneath your body.

It wasn’t supposed to end like this. You were only supposed to continue helping people fend off the abyss for a few more days, until the Pyro Archon solved the crisis. And after she did, you would’ve explored places outside of Natlan with Kinich. Sumeru was the first region you both agreed to visit; It was always a dream that you shared together to travel all of Teyvat one day. Hell, you even had a hunch he’d propose to you somewhere down the line of your voyage. 

So why are you kneeling on the floor, bleeding from every possible corner of your body, accepting your demise as your comrades slowly thin in number?

‘How long do I have to keep this up? I feel like if I swing my sword one more time, my arms will come flying off. I can’t do it anymore. This is something only strong people can do. Strong people like kinich. I can’t. I just can’t. I ca-’

Woosh!, Your ears picked up the sound and you jumped to your feet, barely escaping the blade of an enormous mitachurl that almost claimed your head. 

You tumbled lightly onto the ground, before you hold your sword up again with both your hands, your limbs trembling hopelessly in the gaze of the towering monster over you with demonic horns. You almost drop your blade and just let it kill you right then and there. 

But kinich appeared in your thoughts.

The mitachurl was standing the way the dummy kinich built for you was. Kinich’s voice instructing you rippled in your thoughts: “swing your sword down to the left, diagonal to the body. Then, slice up to the right, also diagonally. For the final blow, strike straight down the crown of its head, taking force from your shoulders. ”

You listen to kinich on repeat a few times, drawing imaginary lines on the body of the scowling mitachurl that stomped closer to you. You gulped the lump in your throat, before you did exactly what kinich taught you.

You twist your body with your edge in the air, taking a (painful) deep breath before swinging your blade to the left in a declining path. The mitachurl stumbles back at your sudden strike making an mmgh! sound, breaking down some of its armor. You quickly slice back up in the opposite direction before it could react any further. Your shoulder burned with every twist, but you had to keep going.

As it stumbled one more time, You bring your weapon above your head, and ignite it with dendro, causing a deep green aura to emit from your person. You meet eyes with the monster; It looked horrified. You stood there ready to take its life, appearing like a monster yourself with the blood that dripped down your head, your eyes seething with revenge.

You spare no more time before completely slicing straight down its head with maximum precision. A loud growl slowly faded with the noise, just as its body did, turning into a dark smoke. 

“If my life is going to end with this battle, then please grant my final wish—” You whispered, looking at your blood-stained hands, hoping the heavenly principles could hear your wish among the deafening sound of war:

“—Please.. Keep kinich safe for me.”

🎕 ‧₊˚ ⋅

The people seeking refuge in a temporary hideout turn their heads at the noise of their beloved heroes walking into the space. ‘Baraka’ Xilonen, ‘Umoja’ Mualani, ‘Uwezo’ Iansan, ‘Bidii’ Ororon, and ‘Vuka’ Chasca. There was only one more hero missing.. ‘Malipo’ Kinich.

Kinich had just rounded up civilians he saved from the village, and brought them there for safety. His gaze met with his friends, before he carefully placed a baby he was protecting into the arms of its mother— The baby had your eyes, which gravitated him into holding it just a little longer. He walked over to them with heavy steps, still trying to keep his composure despite the pain weaving his insides; just like them. 

“It’s the final phase of mavuika’s plan. We have to get back to the stadium, and help her with the Ode of Resurrection.” Xilonen says. “Can you do it?” 

It’s not like he had any other choice so he just nodded, not being able to muster up the strength to talk.

“Kinich.. Did something happen?” Mualani asked, taking notice of his silence as she placed her hand on his shoulder in support. It was clear she was just as broken down as he was, covered in bruises and scratches. But she continued to stay strong and pulled an empathetic look for him, trying to get his lowered eyes to meet hers.

“I.. couldn’t find y/n.” Kinich barely mumbled, the dread he felt earlier coming back to him, feeling like it only got worse verbalizing it. His eyes stuck to the ground, refusing to peel away.

The five heroes suddenly feel the air grow thick, a gasp leaving Iansan and Mualani's lips. This reaction only made the feeling worse, his fingertips digging into his palm. ‘Why does it have to turn out like this? I don’t fucking get it. It’s unfair. Not fair. Not fair to me, to her.’

The five struggled to find words to say, but ajaw quickly filled the space, spitting out: “Fear not lowly humans! For when Kinich finally slips in this final fight and accidentally ends up kicking the bucket, I, the almighty dragonlord, k’uhul ajaw! Will reign over this world once more! And the abyss will no longer be the biggest threat Natlan has faced!” The 8-bit monster laughed proudly with its jagged voice.

Kinich suddenly snapped at the puny dragon: “Zip it ajaw. Let’s go.” before stepping out of the hideout. The heroes gave each other glances, before silently following after him. They weren’t scared of kinich releasing ajaw, they knew kinich would never do that to them. But it was him they were worried about.

Kinich never handled loss well. It often resulted in.. Accidents. Towards himself.

🎕 ‧₊˚ ⋅

You continued to fight your way to survival, the dendro vision hanging by your hip flashing every few seconds. You shifted your focus to destroy nearby pylons. Your hands had bruised, and slowly became callused and firm. The amount of blood loss you’ve endured has slowly started affecting you too, as your actions started getting sloppier, following your sight getting hazy from time to time.

‘Ching!’ You sliced through the last mitachurl around— atleast, last one before another one spawns—and fell to your battered knees. You sat there, gasping, your body begging for air. 

“Y/n!” a fellow comrade called out, rushing to your side. You can hear him mumbling something to you, but it’s incoherent. You looked at your dirty, bloodied hands, ‘what an ugly sight.’  

“Just.. keep pushing on y/n.” his words sound muffled to you and almost accompanied with sand; he’s losing hope too. 

Without warning, a bright beam of light suddenly shot up into the air, emerging from somewhere in the distance.

‘Huh?’ You look up.

The ray of light exploded into a star, making you wince at the glare. The explosion was so grand, you felt the earth tremble all around you, and even felt a slight radiance of heat reach your skin, even when it was suspended so close to the stars.

The warriors and monsters’ brawl comes to a pause, all beings turning their heads to the magic unfolding above their heads.

You look back up once more. It’s the Pyro Archon.

“In the name of the Pyro Archon, Haborym,” the transcendent voice sends chills down your spine.

“I declare the Night Warden Wars underway—”

“—The Ode of Resurrection will guard all life, until the war is over!”

🎕 ‧₊˚ ⋅

Kinich might’ve lost his mind.

With the Ode of Resurrection, there was nothing in his way to contain the blood rushing through his veins anymore, the flame pumping his drive. There was no limit to the blood he could pour, no limit to the bones he could snap, no limit to the wounds he could take; There was no more life that kept him from death, and no death to threaten him to life. 

He shot himself through the trees and cliffs and plunged into the ground, slashing right into an abyssal pylon, immediately shattering it into pieces. The abyss that caught sight of his unhinged eyes,  became the last thing they saw. He swung his blade relentlessly, calculated with maximum precision embedded into every strike. Every blow he landed would end a life point-blank, not wasting a single movement. No monster could keep up with the speed of his assault, their death delivered to them in a blur.

A hilichurl had taken an open opportunity to stab him right through the heart from behind. He felt the flame inside him flicker for a second.

‘Again.’

He ripped the double sided polearm right out of his chest, before skewering the same hilichurl right through its chest with the same weapon. A cryo mage quickly sent icicles to penetrate through his limbs and vital organs. He felt the coldness pierce into his insides, feeling the flame inside him flicker for a second time.

‘Again.’

He swiftly turned around, and spun his claymore right into the mage, beheading it in the process. The mage had evaporated to its death, as his claymore spun right back into his palm, snug as a glove. A hilichurl decided to charge into his tall figure and stab him with a dagger, puncturing his abdomen. His flame flickered for the third time.

‘Again.’

He sliced down on the hilichurl, making it dissipate into the air with a groan. He pulled out the dagger from his body and carelessly threw it onto the ground. Noticing the area was clear, he flung himself back into the air, swinging himself through the thick trees and long branches. They would momentarily graze his skin, cutting and wounding him but it was nothing to him, not anymore.

His void eyes scanned through the rocky terrain underneath his feet, searching for your figure. ‘You have to be here. Somewhere. Anywhere.’ His thoughts of you distracted him from an incoming tree, before flying straight into its tree branch, his body getting skewered in the process. He let out a loud cry of agony— “aaghh!”—, hearing static ringing in his ears. His bewildered eyes landed at exactly where he got impaled before feeling his head go fuzzy, his eyes slowly losing light, and his body going limp. He feels his flame flickering once more.

‘Again.’

Life is shot right back into him as he braced himself again, taking a deep breath, and pulling himself off of the tree branch. His injury immediately punished him, making him wince. He took one last look at the tree branch covered in his gore before swinging himself again. He looked at the gaping hole in his abdominal cavity slowly patch and fill itself again, and for a moment he’s completely mesmerized by the power of the ode of resurrection. 

In his mind, he punished himself for not being by your side, for not protecting you. And his mode of punishment would be feeling your misery over and over again. The sensation of burning pain ending up to his death just to wake up again completely alive again all in a split second was intoxicating. He was preserving life, as he toyed with his own. 

In his mind, he would rather die a million deaths than find out he’d be alive without you around.

“Listen to me bastard! I’m starting to appreciate this new thing you got going on, you know, like actually following your master, me, Almighty dragonlord, K’uhul Ajaw! and using your vision for something exhilarating like ending lives. But I HATE! how i’m getting excited to take your body everytime you go floppy, but you just wake back up! It’s so ANNOYING!! So just keep it up until the fire-head woman turns the ode of what-ever-you-call-it off, and you stay dead. Alright!?”

🎕 ‧₊˚ ⋅

Mavuika looked longingly onto her people fighting for their nation underneath her feet, as she levitated in the dark sky. It was a surreal simulation to her; It was her that was the catalyst for their dreams and hopes. It left a deep impression of justice, duty and pressure on her. 

Mavuika took a deep breath, before feeling a surging power slither all throughout her body.

‘This has to end, now.’

She collected all the dreams her people have relayed to her, the hopes for a future guided with justice and equality, their ancestors and their prayers for Natlan, the lives of her beloved followers who had been sacrificed and martyred, into her fist and made it into her strength. 

Her hair ignited into its flamed form, as she shot out all the might and glory of Natlan into a beam of radiance, targeting the abyssal body that was the sole cause of terror over her nation. 

The Celestial body forms a temporary glowing shield to stand its ground, until it doesn’t.

It slowly starts shattering like thin glass, making her attack on it only more powerful. Her thrash breaks through until it exploded into a dark fume, her light piercing right through it and into the distant sky. The sky carries the sound of the thundering explosion, shaking nature all around.

The black cloud slowly starts fading, revealing the eradication of the Abyss.

The black sky lifts off of Natlan, revealing the blue once more. You choked out the blood that’s been pouring in your mouth for the longest time as you finally finish off the last creature in sight. The Abyss had been eliminated by the Pyro Archon, and no more would spawn. Dulled and scratched swords, torn bows, and unfortunate martyrs polluted the grassy field around. The noise of battle could still be heard somewhere distant but not around you anymore. 

You spat and coughed out blood onto your palm, your other hand clawing and digging into your chest trying to calm your rampaging heartbeat. You heard your remaining comrades cry and yell out of grief and solace. The words they yelled were incoherent, only being able to hear ringing. 

But you could almost make out what they're saying, somewhere along the lines of: ‘It’s over.’

🎕 ‧₊˚ ⋅

Kinich’s eyelids slowly peel open, feeling the heat of the sun greet his eyes immediately making him wince. He sits up and tries to gain back his senses, letting out a sore groan.

Ajaw perches up at the sound, and starts roaring in his ear: “You were supposed to be dead! I was so thrilled to finally take over your cold body, finally thinking of the horrors I'd run to this land, just to find our contract not working! Just bite the dust already you useless asparagus! Curse the archons!”

“Wh-what happened?” Kinich croaked, his throat stinging him in the process. Completely ignoring ajaw’s tantrum, he looks at the nature around him; There were dismantled weapons, a few dead bodies scattered meters apart, and an awful lot of silence. 

“The fire-head woman destroyed the abyss in the sky, and the magical thing happening to your body that stopped you from dying stopped, and you just crashed into the mountain side and passed out onto the ground. Your head should’ve caved in! Fucking imbecile!” 

Kinich stares at the state of his body; It was a disaster. His jacket was torn with all sorts of holes, his arms full of scars and dried blood and smeared dirt, his gloved hands having numerous rips and tears. All of his digits were present, but a huge scar trailed over the joints of his thumb. ‘So I lost a finger huh?’ he guessed to himself. He looks at his headband dangling around his neck, and feels his face with his hand. He felt a few scars and winces at a cut he had, realizing he had a gaping wound that was actively bleeding out.

Body intact, clothes and weapon secured, with his heart beating in his chest cavity.

But something was still missing. Something was out of place.

He feels his heart drop to the ground, mumbling: “Y/n.”

He hurriedly turns around and tries to run on his feet, a sharp pain kicking into his legs making him fall back onto the soil. He curls into a ball, suddenly feeling all his muscles tormenting his body at once. He groans in pain, feeling parts of his body ache and burn under his skin.

“Yes! Perish!” Ajaw shrieks, making kinich swat at him. He takes a cramped breath— almost like the capacity of his lungs had shrunk— before digging his hands into the sharp blades of grass, dragging his body through the earth.

Each pull of his body made him wish he wasn’t human, pain electrocuting each living cell in his body. Grunts slipped through his teeth, as he tried not to notice the torture he had been enduring for what has felt like forever. He despised the pain he could feel as he crawled not because it hurt him, but because it was proof he was alive and could use his senses. That would remind him that you might not be, only making the weight of his chest heavier.

Red from his wound dripped down his head and slipped onto his lip, making him spit it out bitterly. 

The silvery of blood was inferior to the bitterness in his mouth if he felt your body without its heart beating against his own. Ajaw slowly follows him in the air a meter away, and is almost horrified. Ajaw that day, saw humanity in its most desperate state.

🎕 ‧₊˚ ⋅

“Let me go!” You yelled, trying to break free from the arms of the other scions of the canopy. They had tried convincing you to go to the village and get your injuries treated, but they mentioned kinich was missing. You heard glass shattering in your ears, almost reality to your eyes breaking just the same. You escaped their captive and tried to find kinich, but they had caught up to you easily.

“You don’t understand! You might die out of blood loss before you even find him!” Said one of the nurses, gripping your wrist tightly. “I have to try!” You snapped, shoving and kicking at the men trying to get a holding of your legs.

“And what if kinich is dead y/n!?” A man retorted, making you freeze in your spot. Words got stuck in your throat, as your eyes blurred for a second. “Kinich would never.. be..” you feel your tongue stiffen, your knees slowly sinking back onto the grass. The men among the helpers quietly argue behind you, scolding each other with ‘don’t say that!’ as your thoughts slowly dim your spirit.

‘Kinich? Dead?’ the thought of kinich dying seemed so far and impossible to you. It was always kinich who seemed to prevent harm from going your way, and knew how to deal with injuries or how to get out of risky situations. But not even the strongest warriors of Natan's ancient tales survived against the toughest attacks of the abyss. You feel like vomiting, the imagination of kinich mangled body suddenly tormenting your thoughts. ‘I still have to try’, you interrupted yourself, reminiscing the oath you took between the both of you to never abandon his side, dead or alive.

You quickly try to pounce off of them, but they're quicker into getting ahold of you again. You try your hardest to tear through their grasp, feeling your skin ache as they tighten their hand around you.

“Please! Just let me try!” you cry out, almost freeing yourself. They object in volumes, a series of ‘No!’s and ‘You need to rest!’ leaving their mouths. You almost feel helpless, but the group of five freeze all together, out of nowhere.

Their eyes are wide, dilated. Their mouths agape, skin draining of color.

You turn your eyes the same direction as theirs, and a sudden chill waves all throughout your body.

It’s kinich.

🎕 ‧₊˚ ⋅

Kinich locks eyes with you, his breath hitching. Almost terrified you’ll disappear in front of his eyes, he doesn’t waste another second and sprints towards you on his feet, ignoring the sharp pain afflicted to his ligaments. The tribespeople quickly free you from their clutches, stepping back as your aching bodies collided into an embrace.

Everyone else disappears from his world as he takes you into his dirtied arms. His body melt into yours, leaving no space for the opportunity of separation between both of you ever again. He feels you trembling underneath his touch making him hold you tighter. “I’m home.” He whispers into your ear, feeling a weight lift off of his shoulders, like bulky armor sliding off of his battered frame— He had died a hundred times to tell you those words.

He can hear you; you're crying into his shoulder, salty tears reviving the scent of the dried blood on his clothes. All he can do is hold you, and take refuge back into your arms after leaving them for what seemed like an eternity. His heart is communicating with yours, beating back and forth at each other. “I was looking for you.” You mumbled against his skin, lips quivering. Your voice is hesitant, as you pull away and look into his tired dark-golden eyes.

“You never lost me in the first place.” He whispers, planting a delicate kiss to your cheek, placing your nimble hand on the left side of his chest to feel evidence of his return. His arms felt lighter, his bones seemed to unbreak, and his wounds were no longer burning. His eyes slowly stickled with tears, burying his face into your hair to let out his shy tears before you had the chance to notice.

His body grew vulnerable under your touch as your tears slowly undid the knot of grief residing in his chest. He almost feels himself shrink back to when he was a lonely child as your mere presence invited the fragile parts of him to be loved again.

His soul yearns for moment like this, where your love is presented raw; It was never about just the beauty. He thawed under your touch even when his clothes and body was drab and scarred. It was never about just the mora, his wallet was no longer weighing in his pocket and he knew that he didn't have to worry about it. It was never about just the distance, it didn't matter if he had to crawl from mondstadt, he still would've tried to come home even if he knew he would die along the way. and it was never about the festivity. he didn't need a festival to celebrate in a way of holding you like he is now. It was always about the bond between both of you and how much joy his heart is beating out just because he can count the beats of yours.

To him, his soul is bound with yours. No matter how far his heroship takes him, he’ll always return to you. For him, that was enough of a reason to come crawling home. 

Kinich escaped heaven a hundred times to come home to you. For you, he would’ve gladly left a hundred times more.

🎕 ‧₊˚ ⋅

You relish his embrace with tears sticking your lashes together when your mind slowly floats you away to a distant memory, one you feel like you should have forgotten by now.

It was so long ago.. 7 years ago or so?

It happened somewhere.. Here?

With someone.. Kinich.

You were younger teenagers with kinich that time. You had tripped down a short rocky fall while traversing grassy terrain with kinich. A wince squeaks through your gritted teeth, as he poured water onto the gash you scored on your stumbling. “I’ve always told you to stay sharp when we go out on a walk, but you never listen.” He grumbles, wiping off the dirt that trailed down your calf. “..And everytime you trip, it’s always me who has to clean you up, bandage you, and carry you home.”  He treated your wound as you sat on a rock, awkwardly playing with your fingertips.

You can tell he was just worried about you, you always managed to injure yourself when he took his eyes off of you. He was already pressured on finding a way home, but you just had to go get your knee busted. “Sorry.” you mumble, heat rising to your skin out of embarrassment. “If you really were sorry, you would actually look before you land your feet.” he said bitterly, undoing his bandana, and wrapping it around your knee tightly. As he tightened the knot, he said: “You know I won't always be around to protect you right?” 

“Yeah..” you shuffle your feet around. “But I-i swear I looked before I stepped okay! But the dip was.. was hiding under all the grass.” You attempt to defend yourself, looking at him with guilt written all over your face.

“Can you just promise me you’ll make heaven wait when I'm not around?” He sighs, before helping you get back on your feet, his arm snaking around your waist, as he scooped your shoulder over his shoulder. “Only if you promise too!” you scoff. He rolls his eyes, “As if I'll ever die before you. Seriously, one day I might just be running a commission and bump into you just bleeding to death from your knee.” you grimace under the thought. “Don’t say such horrible things!”

“Then promise me.” “..I promise.”

[wemlygust]

I think people who have that problem sometimes just need to curate their experiences, and separate what they look for on each platform, more. If you see a lot of political or PSA posts on tumblr that just upset you and make you feel bad enough you regret using tumblr at all? Blog those tags. Block users who repeatedly upset you to no purpose. Block ads and annoyances! Even if you care deeply about an issue, that doesn't mean you need to be 24/7 listening to peoples' rants about it, especially not when you already agree with them. If you read a rant, and your opinion is entirely unchanged, and your planned actions are unchanged, and you are more upset now: reading that rant was likely not worth your time or attention. You can't save the world just by being the choir being preached to and getting mad or depressed. It's often counterproductive to actually acting, anyway. Alternatively, if you really want to see that content on tumblr, make separate blogs/accounts, and allow different topics on each. Keep one for just feel good relax time, and another for your Serious Business or political posts perusal. This way, *you* control what you look at when.

[silverb0wties]

Lemonade - Part 4 ~ new content~

leah williamson x alessia russo x child!reader

Summary: When something bad happens to your Mummy and Daddy, you end up living with your Aunty Lessi and Aunty Leah.  But is there room for you considering they have a new baby on the way?

Chapter Summary: It's game day, but first you need to ask a few important questions

Warnings: pregnancy, panic attack

a/n: This is the first 'new' chapter (as in hasn't been previously posted), so I'm very nervous about posting this. Fingers crossed you all enjoy it.

|| Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 ||

PART 4

It’s quiet in the car on the way to the training centre, the low hum of the radio the only noise.  Your brain however hasn’t stopped running wild with thoughts ever since school the other day.  You’d tried to find the answers to your questions in books, but Mr Webster the librarian had told you they were too grown up for you to be reading without an adult. 

Rubbing the soft fur of Arthur's ear against your cheek, you slowly mustered up the courage to ask your Aunties the questions you’d been dying to know the answers to.

“Aunty Lessi, Aunty Leah… C-can I ask a… a question?  About the b-baby?”

You could see Aunty Leah smile through the reflection in the rearview mirror as your Aunty Lessi turned around in the passenger seat to look at you.

“Of course you can, Bun.  You can always ask us anything.”

You let out a sigh of relief, before taking in a deep breath and beginning your line of questioning.

“Okay, so all the books I’ve ever read and the movies I’ve seen, there’s a Mummy and a Daddy, and well, my Mummy said that babies happen when a Mummy and a Daddy love each other very much.  But I also heard at school that there’s something to do with birds and bees, but I don’t really know how that works.  So, because there’s no Daddy here, did you have to get something from birds and bees, like feathers and honey or something to make a magic potion to make the baby? Oh and, and, and also, where does booby milk come from?  Like I know the baby is in your tummy Aunty Leah, so you will have booby milk, but will you also have booby milk, Aunty Lessi?  And is it just like the same milk you buy at the shops?  Like what we use on our cereal or is it different? And is that different to the milk bunnies make? And how do bunnies make babies? And h-”

“Alright, alright let’s answer one question at a time, yeah?” Aunty Lessi cut your questions off with a chuckle.

You took another deep breath and nodded, rubbing Arthur’s ear across your cheek, relieved to have finally gotten those questions out.

“Okay, so, you’re right.  Generally, but not always, babies happen when two people love each other very much.  It doesn’t have to be a Mummy and a Daddy, though, it’s just that that is what tends to happen a bit more often.  But these days there’s more and more families that have two Mummies or two Daddies or a completely different type of family structure all together.  The science of it all is a bit more complex, but I promise you…” Aunty Leah caught your eye in the rear-view mirror with a mischievous glint “…there are no magic bird feathers or honey potions involved.”  You giggled at her as she winked at you in the mirror.

“Yeah Bun, every family’s story is a bit different, but for us, your Aunty Leah and I went to the doctors and asked them for help in making us a baby.  Some families can make their babies at home, like your Mummy and Daddy made you at home, but lots of families need some help from their doctors” Aunty Lessi explained.

“So, you went to the doctors, and they put a tiny little baby in Aunty Leah?”

“Basically, yeah” she confirmed.

“But why Aunty Leah, why not you?” you wondered.

“You know how Aunty Leah hurt her leg?” Aunty Lessi asked.

You nodded.  Your Daddy had told you all about how it was really sad because she was meant to go play in the World Cup thing in Brazil with Aunty Lessi, and she was captain of the England team, but she couldn’t play because of her injury.  And he had said that she had hurt her other leg the exact same way just before the last big World Cup thing and wasn’t able to play in that either.  You were only 4 back then, but you kind of remember watching your Aunty Lessi play in those games on the TV.  And you remember her bringing home a shiny silver medal but being pretty sad about it. Your Aunty Leah wasn’t your Aunty yet back then though, so you didn’t know about her leg the first time around.

“Well, I decided that if I wasn’t going to be able to go play at the World Cup again, then I wanted to do something really, really meaningful with my time away from football.  I’ve always wanted to start a family, but it’s super difficult with football to fit it all in with our schedules.  But I knew that I would be away from the pitch for at least another 9 months, so, I asked Aunty Lessi if we could have a baby.  Try and make the best out of a bad situation” Aunty Leah explained, a sad looking smile on her face.

“Oh, that makes sense, I guess.  When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, right?” you replied, repeating the phrase your Daddy had taught you.

There was a short silence before your Aunties burst into an absolute fit of laughter, tears falling from their eyes as they tried time and time again to unsuccessfully stop their hysterics.

You didn’t know what was so funny about what you said.  Did you use the phrase wrong?  It was one your Daddy used all the time.  You’d thought it was a little bit silly at first too, but it definitely wasn’t laugh so hard you cry kind of funny.  But what if you’d used it totally wrong and they were laughing at you like the kids in school laughed at you when they thought you were uncool?

Loser. Loser. Loser

“S-sorry Bun, we’re not l-laughing at you, we promise,” your Aunty Leah muffled through her laughter.

“It’s… it’s just that, when Aunty Leah first talked to me about having a baby, she used that exact phrase, and I made her swear on her life that she would never, ever refer to our future child as lemonade ever again!” Aunty Lessi giggled.

You gasped, immediately terrified that you’d insulted your Aunty Lessi, mistakenly making fun of her unborn baby.  “Oh, I’m so, so sorry Aunty Lessi, I didn’t mean to be rude! I really didn’t-”

“No, no Bunny, it’s okay.  Because after that, pretty much everyone we told that Aunty Leah was pregnant and they realised the timeline with her knee said the exact same thing – when life gives you lemons, make lemonade!”

“And while Aunty Lessi was adamant at first that we couldn’t refer to the baby as Lemonade, well… we now sometimes do call them our little Lemonade.  It’s become an affectionate nickname of sorts,” Aunty Leah assured you.

“Really?” you asked, still terrified that you’d upset them.

“Yeah.  I guess we just weren’t expecting to hear that saying from you, so it caught us off guard a bit.  Sorry, we got a bit carried away.” Aunty Lessi promised you, reaching her hand back to take yours, her gesture both reassuring and comforting you.

“So, you call the baby Lemonade?” You asked after a short silence.  They both nodded with a giggle.  “Can I call the baby Lemonade?”  They both laughed again

“Okay, but only when it’s just us, alright?  We don’t want the team or anyone else catching on.  It’s our little secret. And once they’re born, we’ll call them by their real name,” Aunty Lessi bargained with you.

“Deal!”

“Deal!”

There was a short silence as the excitement of the revelation settled.  You suddenly realised all your questions hadn’t been answered.  “Okay, but what about the booby milk?”

Your Aunty Leah laughed before replying, “Only I will make that, and it’s just for the baby.  We won’t be putting it on cereal.  It’s got special nutrients in it that are just right for the baby because they can’t eat or drink anything else for the first several months.  Only the Mummy who is pregnant makes milk.”

“But what if the baby is hungry but you’re at the shops or something?  How does Aunty Lessi feed them?” you asked. 

“Well, I can do what is called pumping, which is basically using a machine to squeeze the milk out of my boobies so that we can store it for when I’m not around, or just so Aunty Lessi can feed the baby even if I am here.  You can even feed them if you want to”

“I can? Really?”  The thought of helping feed the baby, helping feed Lemonade, made you feel a strange, but nice, sense of warm and tingly.  You didn’t know what the feeling was, but it made you want to sing and fly and twirl.

“Yeah.  It might take a little while for them to get used to using a bottle, but once they’re used to it, you can definitely have a turn feeding them,” Aunty Lessi told you.

“So, it’s different to our cereal milk then?” you questioned.

“Yes, that’s cow’s milk.  Or some people use oat milk or goat milk or soy mi-”

“What about bunny milk?” you interrupted.

 “I’ve never heard of humans drinking bunny milk, I think only baby bunnies drink that.”  Aunty Lessi laughed at your question.  You weren’t too sure why.  If people drank cow’s milk and goat’s milk, why not bunny milk?

“And how do bunnies make babies?  Is it the same as people? They just love each other?” you enquired.

“Well, there’s a little bit more to it than that for both people and bunnies.  But it’s a bit complicated and I think we would be better off explaining it with the help of some books from the library.  How about we pick some out the next time we’re there, yeah?  We could maybe go on Tuesday after school,” Aunty Leah suggested.

“I like the sound of that” you agreed.

“I thought you might.”

--

As the car parked at the training ground, you looked out the window to see people dressed in red everywhere.  There was a large bus waiting out the front of the building, and a big brown dog with soft looking ears lying on the ground in front of the bus door.

You loved dogs.  You loved all animals really.  You connected with them far quicker, easier and deeper than you seemed to connect to humans, especially those your age.  You’d never been able to get a pet because your Daddy was allergic to lots of different kinds of fur, but whenever you got the chance to meet a dog or a cat or a bird or a lizard or a fish or turtle or a guinea pig or a horse or a BUNNY… you jumped at the opportunity.

As Aunty Lessi opened your door and helped you out of your car seat, your eyes stayed glued to the big brown dog the whole time.

“Alright Bunny, we just have to sign in, get our lanyards and th-” Aunt Leah began explaining.

“Can I pat the dog?” you interrupted, simply unable to wait any longer. 

Your Aunty Leah looked up from where she was pulling a bag out of the boot of the car and noticed where your gaze was fixated in the direction of the big soft looking brown dog.

“Oh yes, of course you can sweets.  That’s Winnie.  She’s our team dog.  She’s really friendly.”

Not needing to be told twice, you ran towards the dog, dropping to your knees as you reached her.  You carefully held your hand out to her as you’d been taught to do when meeting a new animal, and she gave you a good sniff before she sat up and rubbed her cheek against your hand. 

“Hi Winnie, I’m Y/K, but everyone calls me Bunny, or Bun.  It’s so nice to meet you.”  You began scratching at the fur behind her ears, her head tilting as you hit what seemed to be a good spot.  “You are such a pretty girl.  And you are oh so soft and shiny.”

“I’m happy to see you’ve made a friend already, Bun.”

You looked up to see your Aunty Lessi smiling down at you as she crouched down to give Win a pat too.

“Does she come to all your games and practices and stuff?” you asked.

“Not all of them, but she hangs around the training centre a lot and she does come to some games.  I believe she’s coming along to the Emirates with us today,” she replied.

“Really?  Is she coming on the bus too?  What kind of dog is she?  Where does she go when the game is on?  Does she sit in the stands?  If she’s the team dog, then where does she live?” you asked.

“Well, she’s a chocolate labrador-” your Aunty Lessi began to explain.

“Ya got a new fan, Win?”

You whipped your head around to the source of the peculiar sounding voice as a lady with big eyelashes and a really pretty smile came walking towards you.

“Bunny, this is Katie” your Aunty Lessi stood to greet the new arrival.

“Hey there Bun, I’ve heard all about ya from yer Aunties!”

You didn’t really know how to reply.  You had never been good at talking to new people, especially when you didn’t have a specific topic or task to talk to them about.

“Well, the girls and I heard yer big into reading, and wanted to learn a bit more about football, so we got ya a few books.  Some of them are about football, some of them are just ones we liked when we were kids.  I was never much of a reader, so I wouldn’t trust my recommendations, but there’s a few smarties in the team like you are, so those are the ones who we took the recommendations from.”  She winked at you as she held a large glittery purple gift bag out towards you.

“Oh wow. Th-Thank you. I’m sorry I didn’t bring any presents for you or the others.”

Selfish. Selfish. Selfish.

“Nah, don’t be silly kid.  This is a welcome to the team present from all the gals.  I just hope there isn’t any double ups with ones you’ve already read.  I’ve heard ya read loads of books!” 

“I-I have.  I love to read.  Thank you for the present” your hands trembled slightly as you took the bag from her grasp, overwhelmed by her kindness.

“No worries kiddo.  I hope you enjoy the game!”  She winked at you again before heading onto bus.

Winnie nudged at your hip with her nose, saddened that you’d stopped your pats to collect your present.  You looked between the bag in your hands and the dog, unsure of how to give both the attention they deserved. 

“How about I pop the present in the car, and we can go through it tonight after the game?  That way you’ve got something to look forward to at home, yeah?” Aunty Lessi suggested.

You nodded hastily, thankful for the suggestion.  She collected the bag from your hands and you immediately turned your attention back to Win, giggling as she rolled onto her back for you to scratch her tummy.

Much too soon it was time to say bye to Winnie and get on the big bus.  There was already lots of people bustling about amongst the seats as your Aunty Lessi guided you down the aisle toward two pairs of empty seats behind each other.  Your Aunty Leah sat in the front seats and you and Aunty Lessi sat in the back two.

The bus ride to the stadium was… chaotic.  Everyone on the team wanted to come meet you and say hi, but it’s rather overwhelming trying to learn all the new names and faces.  At some point you caught your Aunty Leah not so subtly waving people away as you began to curl against the window and rub Arthur’s ear softly across your cheek.  You’d reached forward and squeezed her hand through the gap in the seats in a silent thank you.  

You do specifically remember one player you met named Lia, because she has the same name as your Aunty, but apparently, it’s spelt differently.  She said she helped pick out some of the books in your present and that she’d love to go to the library with you some time.  When you asked your Aunty Leah if that would be okay, she had said “Absolutely!”

There was also another kid on the bus; a little boy running up and down the aisle with light up sneakers and a jersey with the number 19 on it.  You couldn’t quite figure out who his adults were though, because everyone seemed to treat him like their own.  He couldn’t be more than 2 or 3 years old you figured because he doesn’t seem to speak in full sentences and he still seemed a bit wobbly on his feet. 

At one point in the bus trip, he got upset over something and began crying and screaming for his Mummy.  A lady with pretty blue eyes and her hair in a tight little bun scurried down the aisle to pick him up and cuddle him.

“Is he okay?” you asked your Aunty Lessi.

“Oh, I’m sure Jack will be just fine.  I think he just took a little tumble.  Caitlin will make sure he’s all better,” she reassured you.

If you had thought the bus trip was overwhelming, that was nothing compared to the stadium itself.  As the bus drove in, there was a sea of people dressed in red and white that stretched on for as far as you could see.

You had watched your Aunties play before, both on television and in the stands, and you knew there were lots and lots of people who came to watch, but there was something different about seeing it from this perspective.

“It’s gunna be a bit loud once we park up and get out of the bus, alright Bun?  And like we talked about, there’s gunna be lots of people all over the place.  So make sure you keep your lanyard on and just hold tight to my hand until we get into the locker room, yeah?” Aunty Lessi reminded you.

“Can do, Aunty Lessi” you replied.

When the bus came to a stop, you gripped your Aunty Lessi’s hand tight.  It was only a few steps, but the noise as you got off the bus and entered through the players entrance was entirely overwhelming.  You couldn’t help but screw your face up as the screeches and squeals rattled and clawed at every bone in your body.  You lifted your hands to cover your ears, but both were full – one with your Aunty Lessi’s hand, and the other clutched tight to Arthur.

Thankfully the cheering and squealing noise faded out pretty quickly as you moved through the underbelly of the stadium, making your way into the locker room.  Your Aunty Lessi guided you over to a cubby that had your Aunty Leah’s name on it.

“I’ve got to go do pitch inspections and get dressed and ready for the game now.  Will you be alright just hanging out here?  Aunty Leah is just doing a quick interview, but she should be in shortly and I will be around, yeah?” she asked, handing you your backpack.

You nodded, quite happy to curl up into the little nook with Arthur and a book.  You unzipped your bag and retrieved your book as well as the little purple blanket you’d stuffed in there, and bundled yourself up.  But before you could start reading, your eyes drifted over all the different names on the back of the players shirts that hung in the other cubbies.

Fox, 2.  Mead, 9.  Walti (there was some funny dots above the A in her name, which you made a mental note to research when you next had your iPad), 13.  Foord, 19.  McCabe, 11.

Wait.  McCabe.  McCabe’s number was the one Aunty Leah had said you weren’t allowed to get printed on your jersey. 

“The only rule is that you’re not allowed to pick McCabe’s number, because we will never hear the end of that, okay?”

They had all seemed really nice on the bus, but if Aunty Leah had made a rule, then there had to be a reason for it.  Maybe McCabe was mean to your Aunties like the kids at school were to you?

When the players all shuffled in and placed their belongings in their cubbies, you were immediately confused to see the nice lady with big eyelashes who had given you the bag of books sit down in front of the McCabe jersey.  You were even more confused when the little boy from the bus toddled up to her and asked “Ma! Ma!  Kywa has sweeties.  I has them too?”

“Ya already sweeties on the bus Jack.  If ya have too many more, ya won’t be able to sit still enough to watch the game” she told him, crouching down to straighten out his red and white shirt.

The little boy’s head fell forward immediately, his bottom lip jutting out as he looked like he was about to cry.  “But-but- Ma! I want the sweeties! I be good.  Promise.  I sit still.”

“Alright, but just one.  You hear that Kyra, just one,” she shouted, making sure a cheeky looking player holding a bag of sweets heard her.

“Kywa, Ma said yes.  I has sweeties!” the little boy cheered, running off toward who you figured must be Kyra’s direction.  She scooped him up in her arms and gave him a high five before offering him the bag of sweets to choose from.

You really couldn’t wrap your head around how the McCabe you’d met and observed today could possibly be mean to your Aunties like the kids at school were to you.  She seemed like a good ‘Ma’ and she had been really kind to you.  There had to be another reason why your Aunty Leah wouldn’t let you get her number on your shirt.

As you sat and pondered, your Aunty Leah entered the locker room.

“Looks like you’ve got yourself all set up here, Bun,” she chuckled as she approached you, placing her bag in the shelf below where you sat.  You nodded, squeezing Arthur tight.

“Okay, so normally for the game friends and family sit way up the top of the stadium in fancy seats, so that’s where like my Mum and cousins and stuff will be sitting.  But because I can’t play at the moment because of the baby, we thought you might like to sit down behind the subs bench with me, so you don’t have to go sit with people you don’t know very well.  Is that alright?” she asked.

You nodded immediately, terrified at the thought of having to sit with a bunch of people you didn’t really know.  “Y-yes please.  If that’s okay with your boss?”

“Of course it is.  I double checked with all the big bosses and it’s totally fine.  I do warn you that I can get a little bit… well… passionate about the game at times” she chuckled. 

“Passionate?  She’ll scream your bloody ear off!” a lady with blonde hair and blue eyes interjected.  She’d introduced herself of the bus but you couldn’t quite remember her name.  You think it started with a B?  Belle?  Bess?

“Oh, ignore her Bunny.  I’ll be on my best behaviour.  But I did bring you a pair of earmuffs just in case it’s a bit too loud in the stadium,” she reached into her bag and pulled out a pair of sparkly purple ear defenders.  There was a little cartoon bunny sticker on each of the ears.

You were in awe.  They were so pretty and they had obviously been purchased specifically with you in mind.  Wriggling out of your blanket burrow, you leaped toward your Aunty Leah, wishing a simple hug could show just how much these earmuffs meant to you.

“Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.”

Thank angle was awkward due to her big baby belly, but you felt her nestle her nose against the top of your head and smile.

“Anything for you, babygirl.”

--

The game was intense.  There was lots and lots and lots of people.  Your Aunties team was versing a blue team called Chelsea, and from what you could tell, they seemed to be Arsenal’s archrivals.

The noise between the fans was beyond intense, and you were so overwhelmingly grateful for the earmuffs your Aunty Leah had given you.  They didn’t block out everything, but they took the edge off the screeching sounds of horns and squealing cries of other young girls in the crowd. 

During the game there were lots of attempts from both teams at kicking the ball into the back of the net, but none of them had been successful.  Toward the end of the second half, the referee had pulled out several yellow cards from her shirt pocket – you weren’t quite sure what that meant, but you had made a mental note to research that.  Your Aunty Leah had told you that each half went for 45 minutes but when the big clock hit 45:00 another lady on the sideline held up a board with the number 4 on it and play appeared to go on.  It was all very confusing. 

But then… then the blue team made some kind of mistake, and it seemed like Arsenal had heaps of room to themselves and out of nowhere your Aunty Lessi was flying down the pitch towards the goal with the ball at her feet.

Within moments she was smashing the ball passed the opposition’s goalkeeper and into the back of the net.  Beside you, your Aunty Leah sprung to her feet, screaming with joy.

“Yessss!  That’s my girl!  Come on, Less!”

The crowd around you roared, scarves swinging, horns shrieking, music blaring.

Your Aunty Lessi ran towards where you were sitting and threw her hands up into a love heart shape, before pointing right at you, the smile on her face as big as you’d ever seen it.

For a brief moment it felt really nice to know your Aunty Lessi had been thinking about you while she was playing and scoring the goal.  You felt that same warm feeling, tingly feeling that you’d felt early in the car; the one that made you want to sing and fly and twirl.  You felt a sense of safety and home, thinking for just a moment that maybe you could be a part of your Aunties forever family, maybe there could be room for you in their lives even after Lemonade arrive.

But then, you realised there were cameras pointed in your direction and your face was on the big screens and everyone in the stadium was looking directly at you.  Your hands began to tremble, and your cheeks began to flush as the walls of the stadium felt as though they were crashing in on you.  You burrowed your face deep into the plush fur of Arthur’s belly and soon your felt your Aunty Leah’s arms wrap around you and pull you into her side.  You could hear your heart beating in your ears as you clung to fabric of your Aunty’s jacket. 

A few moments later you felt her gently tug back the cup on your earmuffs and whisper to you, “You’re okay Bun, it’s alright.  The cameras are off you now.  It’s okay sweetie.”

Whilst you were relieved to hear the cameras were no longer directed at you, your whole body was still trembling; your breath so tight in your throat you thought you might soon pass out.  Your Aunty Leah pulled back a little to look down at you, her face covered in concern.  She tried to tell you something, but you couldn’t make out the words, her voice muffled by a mixture of the earmuffs and what you could only describe as the sound of ringing and whooshing and thumping and silence all mixed together.

You could feel your chest becoming tighter and tighter as your eyes flickered around trying to figure out the source of the tightness.  It kind of reminded you of the tightness you felt when you couldn’t breathe because of the… smoke.

Smoke means fire!

Was there a fire?

You needed to get out of there.

You needed to get your Aunty Leah out of there.  You needed to get Lemonade out of there.

You couldn’t see fire.  You couldn’t smell smoke.  There was no smoke alarm.  But the tightness in your chest.  It could only be that.  It had to be that.

As you tried to get to your feet to get you and your Aunty Leah and Lemonade out of there, you felt them collapse underneath you.  You felt a thud to your head, but then there was nothing.  Simply nothing.