#i need to buy this book but i fear i will not survive the psychic damage

[sophaeros]

ALBERT HAMMOND JR.: After I moved in with Catherine and he moved in with Juliet, we just didn't hang out the same way anymore. I missed his energy. I got sad; I felt a distance between us. That was a big part for me in this band—just hanging out with him, just being friends with him. We lived together for seven years. I've never lived with a girl that long. JULIAN CASABLANCAS: Does that mean anything to me? I mean, of course. The way I remember it, we were roommates and we moved places and I wanted to stay roommates and I feel like maybe he was not so into it anymore. Albert, you don't know what you've got til it's gone, baby!

— Albert and Julian on Julian's marriage to Juliet, from Meet Me In The Bathroom by Lizzy Goodman, interviewed around 2011 (x)

[hyoubuscanonsoulmate]

I’m sorry if I keep posting her and her long bio.

Zettai Karen Children S/I

🦇 Azusa is an executive of P.A.N.D.R.A who serves as third in command. She’s also a Level 6 esper with umbrakinesis, hypnosis, and metamorphosis. 🦇

🧛🏻‍♀️ Basics

- Name: Azusa Hyoubu

- Aka: Sovereign of Darkness, Vampiric Esper, The Umbrakinetic, Vampire (by Yō Fujiura), Wannabe Vampire, Darling Vampire (by Kyousuke Hyoubu), Wifey (by Kyousuke Hyoubu), Vampie (by Kyousuke Hyoubu), Darling (by Kyousuke Hyoubu), Esper With Vampirism Tendencies, Batty.

- Gender: Female (She/Her)

- Age: 37 (Elementary Arc), 39 (Middle School Arc), 41 (High School Arc; Currently) (Appears 19-22)

- Occupation: PANDRA Executive; Third In Command

- Nationality: Japanese American

- Sexuality: Bisexual

- Species: Level 6 Esper

- Height: 5’11”/181 cm

🧛🏻‍♀️ Powers/Weapons

1. Umbrakinesis: Azusa’s main ability which allows her to manipulate darkness/shadows. So far, she’s capable of animating shadows, solidifying shadows into things; objects; and beings, create a bat-like or dog-like monster out of her own shadow, infuse darkness into anything she touches, blend into the shadows of others or her surroundings, release a wave of darkness at her opponent, turn her body into darkness, control people’s motor functions by fusing her shadow with their shadows, and create a field of darkness at a certain range that removes the person’s senses except for touch and hearing. Due to manipulating the psychic waves that control her umbrakinetic powers, she’s immune to darkness/shadow based attacks/powers. The main weakness of her ability is that it can at times strain Azusa’s body.

2. Hypnosis: Azusa is shown to create and manipulate deceiving illusions that effect the five senses. Her illusions dissolve into swarms of bats when deactivated.

3. Metamorphosis: Can transform into a vampire bat.

4. Parasol

🧛🏻‍♀️ Likes/Dislikes

Loves:

✓ Books

✓ Reading

✓ Apple Juice

✓ Chess

✓ Knives

✓ Board Games

✓ Foxes

✓ Bats

✓ Cello Rock

✓ Jazz Fusion

✓ Knife Throwing

✓ Blood

✓ Vampires

✓ Metal Music

✓ Writing

✓ Typewriters

✓ Fencing

✓ Vampires

Hates:

* Non Espers

* Rap/Hip Hop

* Pop Music

* People Calling Her Vampire Wannabe

🧛🏻‍♀️ Personality

Azusa is a woman with a suave, extroverted, enthusiastic, and confident personality. On the surface, she appears to be rather businesslike; smug; and polite character who is often seen smiling no matter what situation she’s in and sometimes does a greeting bow towards friend or foe.

She appears to have a soft spot for books and board games, with chess being her favorite one to play. She also seems to have rather sophisticated yet expensive taste in many things as she’s seen collecting very old typewriters, eating at formal dining restaurants, and buying rather refined clothing.

Azusa is also known to be rather sharp-witted, being very intelligent and capable of completing tasks in a practical manner.

Despite those things, being a member of P.A.N.D.R.A; Azusa is described to be rather dangerous. She is very sinister, bloodthirsty, and can be quite sadistic at times which she shows towards her foes as she isn’t afraid to shed blood with a wide grin on her face. Like Hyoubu, she tends to mask her saddened or angered emotions with a smile or confident smirk.

During battle, Azusa tends to tease or taunt her opponents and seems to boast a lot of self-confidence when fighting or when completing tasks to a point of arrogance. She’s also rather remorseless towards her enemies showing no qualms in hurting or killing those who stand in her or Hyoubu’s way.

She’s also quite cunning and tends to use rather ruthless methods to achieve her tasks. Azusa is also a very ambitious individual. She also appears to hold a strong grudge and disgust for humans due to her treatment by them in the past.

Despite these things, Azusa is kind and polite towards P.A.N.D.R.A, especially towards Hyoubu who she loves to bits and is very loving as well as caring towards him. She is also described to a loving and caring parental figure towards her kids and the Esper children who were taken in by P.A.N.D.R.A. Due to being rescued by Hyoubu around her early 20s, Azusa has sworn absolute loyalty to him.

Though usually confident, Azusa has also shown sadness and even fear/concern from time to time.

Aside from books, Azusa seems to take a strong interest in vampires and has a tendency to use her illusion ability to surround herself in bats, is obsessed with bats, drinks blood, and wears clothing that reminds her of vampires. Some find this endearing or strange. Her obsession with vampires and her ability has lead her to being called a ‘Vampire’ by Yō Fujiura.

In the past, before meeting Hyoubu and before becoming more open towards P.A.N.D.R.A; Azusa was described to be a lot more coolheaded and pessimistic. Thanks to help of Hyoubu and P.A.N.D.R.A, Azusa has opened up.

🧛🏻‍♀️ Past

At a young age, Azusa and her parents were victims of esper trafficking in Japan where she would eventually be bought in the Black Market by an unknown organization of normals who often used espers for their own personal gain and often treated espers inhumanely, often making espers their assassins and usually made their espers wear Limiters to suppresstheir powers. Azusa was valued by the organization due to her abilities and being a Level 6 esper which are the second highest level espers. However, she was treated poorly and only saw her as a tool of destruction. When they didn’t need her on certain missions, she often sported Limiters. Azusa disliked being treated by normals as nothing more than a mere tool.

On her 20th birthday, Azusa turns her back against the normal comprised organization and uses her abilities against them, killing many of the normal members in the process. After Azusa’s escape, she would eventually go into hiding where she would be caught up in an esper/normal conflict where she was nearly killed by normal protesters until she was saved by Hyoubu and PANDRA, an organization comprising of only espers who offer her a home for only espers and dream of creating a world where espers will live with rights as well as freely. Hearing about Hyoubu’s offer, she joins the organization and over time, grows very close to them and isn’t treated as a tool like the previous organization.

🧛🏻‍♀️ Future Azusa Predictions

1. Azusa is said to have sided with the espers who are fighting against humans, being responsible for countless deaths in the process. Even though not every esper is seen fighting against the humans, many of them are which is seen with Azusa.

2. Azusa supposedly watches over a small group of espers and supplies them with dangerous weapons.

3. While Azusa’s title known as the Sovereign of Darkness is not as well known as The Queen of Catastrophe (the now 20 year old Kaoru Akashi who supposedly had defected from Babel in the future and leads PANDRA due to Hyoubu’s worsening health conditions), her name is still feared upon by many for the blood shed she has caused.

4. By the war, Azusa has reached her mid forties (around 44-45 years old).

5. During the war’s initial stages, Azusa’s umbrella is destroyed and is seen with throwing knives instead.

6. It’s unknown whether Azusa survived or died in the war.

7. Due to her masks being destroyed, Azusa wears an eyepatch. She also sports a different outfit.

🧛🏻‍♀️ Ship Name

Hyouzusa (Kyousuke Hyoubu x Azusa Hyoubu)

🧛🏻‍♀️ Some Trivia

* Favorite food is blood and sushi.

* Drinks blood.

* Married to Kyousuke Hyoubu.

* Has two daughters with Hyoubu (De Sade and Yugiri who they view as their adopted daughter).

* Wears masks and neck bandages to cover scars.

* Obsessed with vampires and vampirecore.

[nataandreev]

Fragments from “Sister Outsider” Essays & Speeches by Audre Lorde

“Sister Outsider” was probably one of the most soul-fucking-searching book I ever read in my life. It made me question what I stand for so many times, that it made me sick to my stomach. I realized that I am not that good at this self-reflective-shit.

That my efforts of doing better are not anywhere close to where they should be. Audre Lorde taught me through her works that I got a lot of work to do. Like a lot. Her truth cuts deep. She has no mercy and her opinions are raw. They are hard to swallow. There were moments when I had to pause, because I wasn’t fully understanding it and weird enought I finished to read it today, February 18, 2020, on her birthday. Audre would’ve turn today 86 yo. Here are just a few fragments from the book, but, please, if you can read the whole thing. 

Biography:

Audre Lorde is an American writer, feminist, womanist, librarian, and civil rights activist. As a poet, she is best known for technical mastery and emotional expression, as well as her poems that express anger and outrage at civil and social injustices she observed throughout her life. Her poems and prose largely deal with issues related to civil rights, feminism, lesbianism, illness and disability, and the exploration of black female identity via Wikipedia.

⁃ Poetry Is Not a Luxury

We are all more blind to what we have than to what we have not. The white fathers told us: I think therefore I am. The Black mother within each of us-the poet-whispers in our dreams: I feel, therefore I can be free. ⁃ The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action For within living structures defined by profit, by linear power, by institutional dehumanization, our feelings were not meant to survive. Kept around as unavoidable adjuncts or pleasant pastimes, feelings were expected to kneel to thought as women were expect to kneel to men. But women have survived. As poets. And there are no new pains. We have felt them all already. We have hidden that fact in the same place where we have hidden our power. They surface in our dreams, and it is our dreams that point the way to freedom. In becoming forcibly and essentially aware of my mortality, and of what I wished and wanted for my life, however short it might be, priorities and omissions became strongly etched in a merciless light, and what I most regretted were my silences. And I began to recognize a source of power within myself that comes from the knowledge that while it is most desirable not to be afraid, learning to put fear into a perspective gave me great strength. “Tell them about how you’re never really a whole person if you remain silent, because there’s always that one little piece inside you that wants to be spoken out, and if you keep ignoring it, it gets madder and madder and hotter, and if you don’t speak it out one day it will punch you in the mouth from the inside.” Because the machine will try to grind you into dust anyway, whether or not we speak. We can sit in our corners mute forever while our sisters and our selves are wasted, while our children are distorted, while our earth is poisoned; we can sit in our safe corners mute as bottles, and we will still be no less afraid. ⁃ Scratching the Surface: Some Notes on Barriers to Women and Loving The above forms of human blindness (racism, sexism, heterosexism and homophobia) stem from the same root - an inability to recognize the notion of difference as a dynamic human force, one which is enriching rather than threatening to define self, when there are shared goals. This kind of action is a prevalent error among oppressed peoples. It is based upon the false notion that there is only a limited and particular amount of freedom that must be divided up between us, with the largest and juiciest pieces of liberty going as spoils to the victor or the strongest. So instead of joining together to fight for more, we quarrel between ourselves for a larger slice of the one pie. ⁃ Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power* In order to perpetuate itself, every oppression must corrupt or distort those various sources of power within the culture of oppressed that can provide energy for change. The erotic is a measure between the beginnings of our sense of self and the chaos of our strongest feelings. It is an internal sense of satisfaction to which, once we experienced it, we know we can aspire. The principal horror of any system which defines the good in terms of profit rather than in terms of human need, or which defines human need to the exclusion of the psychic and emotional components of that need - the principal horror of such a s system is that it robs our work of its erotic value, it’s erotic power and life appeal and fulfillment. Such a system reduces work to a travesty of necessities, a duty by which we earn bread or oblivion for ourselves and those we love. But this is tantamount to blinding a painter and then telling her to improve her work, and to enjoy the act of painting. It is not only next to impossible, it is also profoundly cruel. That self-connection shared is a measure of the joy which I know myself to be capable of feeling, a reminder of my capacity for feeling. And that deep and irreplaceable knowledge of my capacity for joy comes to demand from all of my life that it be lived within the knowledge that such satisfaction is possible, and does not have to be called marriage , nor god , nor an afterlife. ⁃ Sexism: An American Disease in Blackface Black feminism is not white feminism in blackface. Black women have particular and legitimate issues which affect our lives as Black women, and addressing those issues does not make us any less Black. Now I am sure there are still some Black men who marry white women because they feel a white woman can better fit the model of “femininity” set forth in this country. As Black women and men, we cannot hope to begin dialogue by denying the oppressive nature of male privilege. And if Black makes choose to assume that privilege for whatever reason- raping,brutalizing, and killing Black women- then ignoring these acts of Black male oppression within our communities can only serve our destroyers. One oppression does not justify another. As people, we most certainly must work together. It would be shortsighted to believe that Black men alone are to blame for the above situations in a society dominated by white male privilege. But the Black male consciousness must be raised to the realization that sexism and woman-hating are critically dysfunctional to his liberation as Black man because they arise out of the same constellation that engenders racism and homophobia. ⁃ Man Child: A Black Lesbian Feminist’s Response Men who are afraid to feel must keep women around to do their feeling for them while dismissing us for the same supposedly “inferior “ capacity to feel deeply. But in this way also, men deny themselves their own essential humanity, becoming trapped in dependency and fear. “The next time you come in here crying ...,” and I suddenly caught myself in horror. This is the way we allow the destruction of our sons to begin in the name of protection and to ease our own pain. My son get beaten up? I was about to demand that he buy that first lesson in the corruption of power, that might makes right I could hear my cell beginning to perpetuate the age old distortions about what strength and ready bravery really are. It is hard for our children to believe that we are not only potent as it is for us to know it, as parents. But that knowledge is necessary as the first step in the reassessment of power as something other than might, age, privilege, or the lack of fear. It is important to step for a boy, whose societal destruction begins when he’s forced to believe that he can only be strong if he doesn’t feel, or if he wins. ⁃ An interview: Audre Lorde and Adrienne Rich They were very streetwise, but they had done very little work with themselves as Black women. They had done it only in relation to, against, whitey. The enemy was always outside. I did that course in the same way I did all the others, which was learning as I went along, asking the hard questions, not knowing what was coming next. The learning process is something you can incite, literally incite, like a riot. And then, just possibly, hopefully, it goes home, or on. I knew, as I had always known, that the only way you can head people off from using who you are against you is to be honest and open first, to talk about yourself before they talk about you. It wasn’t even courage. Speaking up was a protective mechanism for myself. The Black mother who is the poet exists in everyone of us. Now when males or patriarchal thinkers (whether male or a female) reject a combination, then we are truncated. Rationality is not necessary. It serves the chaos of knowledge. It serves feeling. It servers to get from this place to that place. But if you don’t honor those places, then the road is meaningless. Because we cannot fight old power in old power terms only. The only way we can do it is by creating another whole structure that touches every aspect of our existence, at the same time as we are resisting. There are different choices facing Black and white women in life, certain specifically different pitfalls surrounding us because of our experiences, our color. Not only are some of the problems that face us dissimilate, but some of the entrapments in the weapons used to neutralizers are not the same. I wish we could explore this more , about you and me, but also in general. I think it needs to be talked about, written about it: the differences in alternatives or choices we are offered as black and white women. There is a danger of seeing it in an all or nothing way. I think it’s very complex thing done what women are constantly offer choices or the appearance of choices but also real choices that are undeniable. We don’t always perceive the difference between the two. But documentation does not help one perceive. At best it only analyzes the perception that at worst, it provides a screen by which to avoid concentrating on the court revelation, following it down to how it feels. Again, knowledge and understanding. They can function in concert, but they don’t replace each other. But I am not rejecting your need for documentation. I can document the road to Abomey for you, and true, you might not get there without that information. I can respect what you are saying. But once you get there, only you know why, what you came for, as you search for it and perhaps find it. So at certain stages that request documentation as a blinder, a questioning of my perceptions. Someone once said to me that I hadn’t documented the goddess in Africa, the woman bond that moves throughout The Black Unicorn. I had to laugh. I am a poet, not a historian. I’ve shared my knowledge, I hope. Now you go documented it, if you, if you wish. I was holding back because I had not asked myself the question: “Why is women loving women so frightening to black men unless they want to assume the white male position?” It was a question of how much I could bear, and of not realizing I could bear more than I thought I could at the time. It was also a question of how could I use that perception other than just in rage or destruction. What understanding begins to do is to make knowledge available for use, and that’s the urgency, that’s the push , that’s the drive. That you had to understand what you knew and also make it available to others. ⁃ Master’s Tools For women, the need and desire to nurture each other is not pathological but redemptive, and it is within that knowledge that our real power is rediscovered. It is this real connection which is so feared by a patriarchal world. Only within a patriarchal structure is maternity the only social power open to women. Interdependency between women is the way to a freedom which allows the I to be, not in order to be used, but in order to be creative. This is the difference between the passive be and the active being. For the master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house. They may allow us temporarily to beat him at his own game, but they will never enable us to bring about genuine change. And this fact is only threatening to those women who still define the master’s house as their only source of support. If white American feminist theory need not deal with the difference in oppressions, then how do you deal with the fact that the women who clean your houses and tend your children while you attend conferences on feminist theory are, for the most part, poor women and women of color? What is the theory behind racist feminism. The failure of academic feminists to recognize difference as a crucial strength is a failure to reach beyond the first patriarchal lesson. In our world, divide and conquer must become define and empower. In academic feminist circles, the answer to these questions is often, “We did not know who to ask.” But that is the same evasion of responsibility, the same cop-out, that keeps Black women’s art out of women’s exhibitions, Black women’s work out of most feminist publications except for the occasional “Special Third World Women’s Issue,” and Black women’s texts off your reading lists. But as Adrienne Rich pointed out in a recent talk, white feminists have educated themselves about such an enormous amount over the past ten years, how come you haven’t also educated yourselves about Black women and the difference between us-white and Black-when it is key to our survival as a movement? Women of today are still being called upon to stretch across the gap of male ignorance and to educate men as to our existence and our needs. This is an old and primary tool of all oppressors to keep the oppressed occupied with the master’s concerns. Now we hear that it is the task of women of Color to educate white women-in the face of tremendous resistance-as to our existence, our differences, our relative roles in our joint survival. This is a diversion of energies and a tragical repetition of racist patriarchal thought. Simone de Beauvoir once said: “It is in the knowledge of the genuine conditions of our lives that we must draw our strength to live and our reasons for acting.” Racism and homophobia are real conditions of all our lives in this place and time. I urge each one of us here to reach down into that deep place of knowledge inside herself and touch that terror and loathing of any difference that lives there. See whose face it wears. Then the personal as the political can begin to illuminate all our choices. ⁃ Age, Race, Class, and Sex: Women Redefining Difference Black and Third World people are expected to educate white people as to our humanity. Women are expected to educate men. Lesbians and gay men are expected to educate the heterosexual world. The oppressors maintain their position and evade responsibility for their own actions. There is a constant drain of energy which might be better used in redefining ourselves and devising realistic scenarios for altering the present and constructing the future. Too often , we pour the energy needed for recognizing and exploring difference into pretending those differences are insourmountable barriers, or that they do you not exist at all. The results in a voluntary isolation or false and treacherous connections. Either way, we did not develop tools for using human difference as a springboard for a creative change within our lives. We speak not of human difference but if human deviance. By and large within the women’s movement today, white women focus upon their oppression as women and ignore differences of race, sexual preference, class, and age. There is a pretense to a homogeneity of experience covered by the world sisterhood that does not in fact exist. Unacknowledged class differences rob women of each other’s energy and creative insight. By ignoring the past, we are encouraged to repeat its mistakes. The “generation gap” is an important social tool for any repressive society. If the younger members of a community view the older members as contemptible or suspect or excess, they will never be able to join hands and examine the living memories of the community nor ask the all important question, “Why?” This gives rise to a historical amnesia that keeps us working to invent the wheel every time we have to go to the store for bread. Ignoring the differences of race between women and the implications of those differences presents the most serious threat to the mobilization of women’s joint power. As white women ignore their built-in privilege of whiteness and define and woman in terms of their own experience alone then women of color become “other,” the outsider whose experience and tradition is too “alien” to comprehend. Refusing to recognize differences makes it impossible to see the different problems and pitfalls facing us as women. The tokenism that is sometimes extended to us is not an invitation to join power; our racial “otherness” is a visible reality that makes that quite clear. For white women there is a wider range of pretended choices and rewards for identifying with patriarchical power and its tools. Today, with the defeat of ERA, the tightening economy, and increased conservatism It is easier once again for white women to believe the dangerous fantasy that if you are good enough pretty enough sweet enough quite enough teach the children to behave hate the right people and married the right man then you will be allowed to coexist with patriarchy in relative peace at least until a man needs your job or the neighborhood rapist happens along and true unless one lives in loves in the trenches it is difficult to remember that the war against dehumanization is senseless. Some problems we share as women, some we do not. You fear your children will grow up to join the patriarchy and testify against you we fear our children will be dragged from a car and shut down in the street and you turn your backs up on the reasons why they’re dying. Within black communities where racism is a living reality, differences among us often seem dangerous and suspect. The need for unity is often misnamed as a need for homogeneity, and a black feminist vision mistaken for betrayal of our common interests as people. Because of the continuous battle against a racial erasure the black women and black men share, some black women still refused to recognize that we are also opressed as women and that sexual hostility against black women as practiced not only by the white racist society but implemented within our black communities as well. It is a disease striking the heart of black nation of hood and silence will not make it disappear. Exacerbated by racism and the pressures of powerlessness, violence against black women and children often becomes a standard within our communities, one by which manliness can be measured. But this woman-hating acts are rarely discussed as crimes against black women. “As long as male domination exists, rape will exist. Only women revolting and men made conscience of their responsibility to fight sexism can collectively stop rape.” - Kalamu ya Salaam, a black male writer Black women who once insisted that lesbianism was a white woman’s problem now insist that black lesbians are a threat to black nationhood, are consorting with the enemy, are basically on un-black. These accusations, coming from the very women to whom we look for deep and real understanding, have served to keep many black lesbians in hiding, caught between the racism of white women and the homophobia of their sisters. What are the particular details within each of our lives that can be scrutinized and altered to help bring about change? How do we redefine difference for all women? It is not our differences which separate women, but our reluctance to recognize those differences and to deal effectively with the distortion which have resulted from the ignoring and misnaming of those differences. All of us have had to learn to live or work Or coexist with men from our fathers on. We have recognized and negotiated this differences, even when this recognition only continued the old dominant/subordinate mode of human relationship, where the oppressed must recognize the masters’ difference in order to survive. But our future survival predicated upon our ability to relate within equality. As women we must root our internalize patterns of oppression within ourselves if we are to move beyond the most superficial aspects of social change. Now we must recognize differences among women who are our equals, neither inferior nor superior, and devise ways to each to others’ difference to enrich our visions and our joint struggles. ⁃ The Uses of Anger: Women Responding to Racism Guilt and defensiveness are bricks in a wall against which we all flounder; they serve none of our futures. ⁃ Learning from the 60s When we disagreed with one another about the solution to a particular problem, we were often far more vicious to each other than to the originators of our common problem. We forget that the necessary ingredients needed to make the past work for the future is our energy in the present, metabolizing one into the other. Continuity does not happen automatically, nor is it a passive process. That is how I learned that if I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive. My poetry, my life, my work, my energies for struggle were not acceptable unless I pretended to match somebody’s else’s norm. I learned that not only couldn’t I succeed at that game, but the energy needed for that masquerade would be lost to my work. We are functioning under government ready to repeat in El Salvador and Nicaragua the tragedy of Vietnam, a government which stands on the wrong side of every single battle for liberation taking place upon this globe. Decisions to cut aid for the terminally eel, for the elderly, for dependent children, for food stamps, even school lunches, are being made by men with full stomachs who live in comfortable houses with two cars and umpteen tax shelters. None of them go hungry to bed at night. Recently, it was suggested that senior citizens be hired to work in atomic plants because they’re close to the end of their lives anyway. Revolution is not a one time event. It is becoming always vigilant for the smallest opportunity to make a genuine change in established, outgrown responses; for instants, it is learning to address each other’s difference with respect. You do not have to be me in order for us to fight alongside each other.I do not have to be you to recognize that they were Warriors are the same.what we must do is commit ourselves to some future that can include each other and to work toward that future it with the particular strength of our individual identities dot and the other in an order to do this, we must allow each other our differences at the same time as we recognize our sameness. ⁃ Eye to Eye: Black Women, Hatred and Anger It is easier to deal with the external manifestations of racism and sexism then it is to deal with the results of those distortions internalized within our consciousness of ourselves and one another. Anger - a passion of displeasure that may be excessive or misplaced but not necessarily harmful. Hatred - and emotional habit or attitude of mine in which aversion is coupled with ill will. Anger, used, does not destroy. Hatred does. Growing up, metabolizing hatred like a daily bread. Because I’m black, because I’m a woman, because I’m not black enough, because I am not some particular fantasy of a woman, because I AM. On such a consistent diet one can eventually come to value the hatred of one’s enemies more than one values the love of friends, for that hatred becomes the source of anger, and anger as a powerful fuel. Anger is useful to help clarify our differences, but in the long run, strength that is bred by anger alone as a blind fours which cannot create the future. It can only demolish the past. Such strength does not focus upon what lies ahead, but up on what lies behind, upon what created it - hatred. And hatred is a deathwish for the hated, not to a lifewish for anything else. For example: At this point in time, were racism to be totally eradicated from those middle range relationships between black women and white women, those relationships might become deeper, but they would still never satisfy our particular black woman’s need for one another, given our shared knowledge and traditions and history. There are two very different struggles involved here. One is the war against racism in white people, and the other is the need for black women to confront and wade through the racist constructs underlying our deprivation of each other. and this battles are not at all the same. Most of the black women I know think I cry too much, or that I am to public about it. I’ve been told that crying makes me seem soft and therefore of little consequence. As if our softness has to be the price we pay out for power, rather than simply the one that’s paid most easily and most often. “Don’t trust white people because they mean us no good and don’t trust anyone darker than you because they are hearts are as black as their faces.” (And where did that leave me, the darkest one?) it is painful even now to write it down. How many messages like that come down to all of us, and in how many different voices, how many different ways? And how can we expunge these messages from our consciousness without first recognizing what it was they were saying, and how destructive they were? When there is no connection at all between people, then anger is a way of bringing them closer together, of making contact. but when there is a great deal of connectedness that is problematic or threatening or acknowledged, then anger is a way of keeping people separate and putting distance between us. That’s because we sometimes rise to each other‘s defense against outsiders, we do not need to look at devaluation and dismissal among ourselves. Support against outsider is very different from cherishing each other. We refused to give up the artificial distances between us, or to examine all real differences for creative exchange. I am too different for us to communicate. Meaning, I must establish myself as not you. And the road to anger is paid with our unexpressed fear of each other’s judgment. ⁃ Grenada Revisited: An Interim Report This short, undeclared, and cynical weren’t against Granada is not a new direction for American foreign policy. It is merely a blatant example of 160 year old course of action called the Monroe doctrine. In its name America has invaded small Caribbean and Central American countries over and over again since 1823, cloaking this invasion is under a variety of names. 38 such invasion secured prior to 1917 before the Soviet Union even existed. I am only a relative. I must listen long and hard and ponder the implications of what I have heard, or be guilty of the same quick arrogance of the US government in believing their external solutions to Granados future.

[cloudy-coyote]

Necessity

(A/N: found this gif on google! HI IT’S BEEN A MINUTE YA’LL. Sorry lol I was very busy what can I say. But prepare for some writing spam 👅please let me know what you guys think I really hope you guys enjoy! 😊 )

Ch. 5: Beleive it or Not it’s Eva!

"Dean, this is pointless," Sam sighs.

Papers upon books, upon papers spread out over their beds and the table. They had their Police Scanner set up on the floor. Sam balances his laptop on his lap, with hundreds of tabs open. And Dean stands over the counter, preparing some coffee.

They've searched from everything to the lore of cursed objects---to the things that do the cursing, like Witches, Ancient spirits, and they can't find anything that matches up.

Their first thought the moment they heard about an animal attack was Werewolf, easy. Except the heart wasn't taken, and it seemed it wasn't even aiming for the chest. Like this thing just went ham on her body, for almost no reason.

So, because it didn't take anything, they thought they were dealing with something vengeful. Something that tried to kill her for a reason. Maybe a spirit, or some creature that felt wronged by her.

But, everything seemed to become more confusing once they talked to her. It wasn't simple, there wasn't a clear pattern. It was scattered, random events. Somehow all connected to her--- but done by God knows what.

Time-travel? That's a new one.

Cursed necklace? Well... they've dealt with that one before.

A cursed necklace, that has an invisible attacker and causes almost immediate death, including possible time-travel?

Not a fucking chance.

Sam couldn't help but feel like he was in some type of book--- like an episode of the X-Files. The utter absurdity with what they're dealing with is off the charts. The power this thing has is mortifying. Even when hunting a spirit, they can be in some serious danger. But with this? Something so lethal, how are they supposed to protect themselves from something they don't even understand?

He shuts his computer. Shoving it to the side with a groan. Dean eyes his brother, watching him succumb to his frustrations. He can't blame him, this case is seemingly hopeless.

They've been hunting together since they were kids. In some ways, Dean can see his Sam as he once was, just a little kid--just his baby brother.

No matter how many times Sam could wrong him, like abandoning him for Standford, he'll always protect him. He knows that. Because when he looks at him, he can't see evil. Even if the world is telling him he's the psychic visions mean he's some type of devil spawn...all he sees is a chubby-faced little kid.

Dean takes a sip of the crappy motel coffee, tasting like burnt water. He looks up from the papers to face his brother.

"You're right, this thing is strong," Dean agrees, "But if we figure this out? We might have an advantage."

Sam looks up from his hands, 'an advantage'?

"What do you mean?"

Dean sighs, moving Sam's laptop off the couch and plopping down next to him.

"That Demon that Dad's chasin', it's strong too. If we can figure out how to kill this thing, we can definitely kill that bastard."

"Kill a Demon? That's impossible," Sam retorts.

"There's always a way, Sammy. Dad taught us that."

He shakes his head.

Something just not sitting right with him. He couldn't comprehend how something as powerful as this entity or curse can't be found anywhere. Creatures not nearly as strong as this one have Ancient stories from all over the world. Vampires have myths from every ancient civilization, but this invisible killer? Nothing. That's the constant, isn't it?

Every time there's been an attack, it's practically deserted. It's like this thing is a void of desolation. No people, no sounds, no face, no evidence-- no Mythology, it makes sense in that light. But, it's too vague to develop anything further. That begs the question, what if it really is something like that-- like this creature is some sort of spirit of emptiness, erasure. That would mean, they really are defenseless in this situation.

Because you can't kill nothing.

"Killing a Demon is actually seeming more realistic than trying to kill this thing right now,"

Sam lays back into the couch, his head laying toward the ceiling, "Dean, this thing doesn't bleed, doesn't have a body, doesn't make sound, I don't get it---how can we kill something if it's not even a thing?"

"Well then we don't kill it, we just try and...stop it, I guess," Dean shrugs.

He shakes the confusion. He's been on a thousand wild hunts, with crazy, wack-job monsters, and if he would've let the fear get to his head then--- he wouldn't have come out alive.

Albeit, he's not the best at calming people down or consoling them. But, if he can keep his head screwed on straight, maybe it will help Sam relax.

With all the things going on with his brother, he doesn't need another thing to drive his mind in circles. He knows that if they have any chance with this thing, they have to be calm, they have to think clearly, and most importantly, they have to think realistically.

They might not be able to kill it, purge it, or do whatever the Hell to it-- but they can do their best to survive. He has to tell himself that he'll figure it out. Because truly, saying those things more times than once can help him believe them. And he can't have doubt at a time like this.

"So we're in the vicinity of 'Cursed Objects', right?" Sam asks.

Dean snaps back from his thoughts, nodding, "It's the only one that fits."

"But the curse isn't death by touching it, otherwise Eva would've died at her Baptism when they put it on her."

"No, no," Dean collects his thoughts, "When she got attacked, the necklace fell."

Sam nods along, "And at the diner, the necklace wasn't on her either."

"...But she was wearing it when we got there, when we sat down, don't you remember?" Sam continues. Dean remains silent as Sam starts to piece together the memory.

"-When we sat down Marlene complimented her necklace. And after that, when she was going through the details of her story, and she told us about it falling, I looked straight at the necklace, I remember it, Dean."

Sam can't help but wonder, what exactly made the necklace fall off. Both times it dropped off her body right before she was attacked, it was like the initiating factor.

"That waitress complimented her necklace? Huh, didn't hear that."

"You were too busy staring at her ass to hear her."

Dean laughs, a playful smirk tugging at his lips, "And what an ass that was."

"Dean, c'mon! " Sam shoves his brother.

"Why didn't I go home with her, again?" He asks, a cheeky grin still on his face.

"Because I stopped you. Honestly, can't you keep it in your pants, man? We're working on a case, and..." Sam pauses,

"Wait a minute... "

"What?"

"...She also disappeared."

"Well everyone did, pretty suddenly too," Dean says.

"No, but it was right after she showed Eva to the bathroom," His eyes meeting his brother's.

"Shit," They say in unison.

~~

Eva walks along the sidewalk, just a few blocks from the hospital.

The night sky seemed to have clouded up. She couldn't see very many stars nor the illumination of the moon, it was murky and dark. Downtown Willow wasn't that busy it seemed. It also wasn't that much...different.

In fact, it wasn't different at all, give or take the old cars; stores that would be replaced in the near future; odd advertisements. But besides all that, it was still her home town. It made her stomach twist at the strange familiarity because it wasn't quite right. Like in a dream where it resembles your home but... it's all wrong.

It only makes her wonder, is her house still there? Is some other family living in it? God, she couldn't bear to see that. Or, what if it's torn down? What if it's some apartment complex? She shivers at the thoughts. The last thing she wants is to have a breakdown in the middle of the street.

She was feeling something in between fury and exhaustion. She was pissed at the boys for ditching her--how the hell was she supposed to find them on her own? They left her nothing, absolutely nothing. But, on some level, she was so damn tired, she didn't even have the energy to get that angry. There was something else she couldn't quite put her finger on. She felt, well, weird. She wasn't really sure what it was.

She looks down the street to see a 24-hour Convenience store. The 'Open' sign glowing blue and red, standing out in the dark street. She doesn't have money, but she does need help. Doesn't matter if it's from a corner store. She shakes her thoughts of home away. Putting her legs in motion towards the end of the street.

Still in her nurse scrubs, she enters the store. The little bell rings when it opens. The small shop wasn't very busy. She saw maybe only one or two people in there, buying beers or cigarettes.

She went to the back of the store, mindlessly wandering the isles. She needed to distract herself. Sure, she wanted help, but she wasn't just going to ask anybody. She was planning to wait until someone who looks trustworthy comes in, not just a late-night drunk.

Plus, she wanted to gather herself a bit first. She didn't want to break down in tears in front of some stranger. Crying combined with the scrubs...they might assume she escaped from a psych ward. That would be a nightmare.

The shelves were packed with endless amounts of chips, pretzels, sodas, candy--- all the junk food, essentially.

Eva feels her stomach growl. But, she hasn't got a single dollar. She stares at all the foods stacked upon the shelves, her desire growing--- like that point when you get so hungry, your stomach starts to hurt.

"You lost, baby?"

The voice was deep, gurgly sounding. Just hearing him sent shivers down her spine. Detest gorging her mind. 'Not this,' she shuts her eyes. She thought having a breakdown was the last thing she wanted but, oh boy, she's changed her mind. The dear to God last thing she wants is to deal with is some desperate pervert.

When she opens them to reluctantly identify the man standing next to her, she regrets it. Making eye contact with him only made him smile. In some ridiculous irrationality that made him think, he's struck gold.

"No, but thank you, sir," She says.

She grits her teeth so hard, trying her best not to cuss at him, trying to remain polite. But, honestly, when has that ever worked?

He mistakes her niceness as a sign of flirtation. She sees it straight away in his eyes when he doesn't move away, doesn't blink, only becomes more engaged.

He's well over his 50's, and as he got closer his breath smelled like cheap booze and unbrushed teeth. She stepped away from him, turning around very dramatically, hoping he'd leave her alone. The smell of disgusting, bad hygiene stinging her nose.

Then again, did she really expect that to work?

She groans when he follows her, "You want me to buy you some drinks? Cause I can do that, sweetheart. I can show you a real good time," He calls desperately to her.

When she keeps trying to ignore his words and walk away, his grimy, sweaty hand latches on to her arm.

"Seems like somebody's got an attitude problem. Can't even turn around and say a 'thank you'?"

She turns. Her body rotating like a rusted screw. Her neck moving so eerily stiff, so slowly, that when she met his face, his smile dropped. She narrows her eyes, clenching her jaw hard enough to fracture it.

"I said, no thank you," She repeats through gritted teeth, "Touch me again, I call the damn police." She shoves his nasty hand off of her and turns back around.

"Bitch," He calls out, before walking away.

Her body was pulsing, both with anger and pain. She just escaped a damn hospital and now she had to put up with this sicko? At this point, she really began to feel the rage for being abandoned. Sure, the voice in the back of her mind suggests that they may have been in danger or that they were trying to keep her safe--but, she shuts that little voice up.

There's nothing she despises more than being left alone. She's without safety, without family. She has to defend herself against a gross drunk. She had to break out of the hospital by herself.

And the thought crosses her mind for a second, why even go back to those dicks? But--she can't just go anywhere, it's not safe. Besides, they're her only chance of getting back home. All of a sudden, she feels the fatigue hitting her a little stronger than before.

She hurries through a few aisles, before realizing she doesn't have anybody around her, literally. She makes her way to the register, approaching it.

Behind the desk stands a relatively friendly-looking man. He seemed to be in his mid-twenties, nothing creepy about his smile or his gaze. Just a cashier doing his job.

"Excuse me?" She asks. He looks up from whatever he writing down.

"Oh," His eyes soften, "Is that man still bothering you, I can kick him out if you want."

She smiles at his offer, a breath of fresh air. Based on his nice demeanor, she prays he'll help her out.

"Thank you, but actually I was wondering about something else."

"Sure," He answers, "What is it?"

"I don't have any money with me, and I need to call my--er, brothers, would you let me use your phone?"

"Yeah, no problem," He pulls out his silver flip-phone from his back pocket and extends it over to her.

"One more thing, sorry to ask, do you have a phone book?"

He nods his head, bending down beneath the counter and pulling the yellow-paged book out. He places it in front of her.

She flips it open, searching for Motels,--this 'Lotus Motel' on Semple.

Little Bed & Breakfast

Loaf and Tin Inn

Lot 48

Louis Trackman Hotel

Lotus Motel

"Finally," She whispers. She carefully drags her finger across the dotted line toward the number. She flips open the phone, looking at the time: 2:00 am. She quickly clicks the number into the phone's keypad.

She places it up to her ear as it rings. It rings again, again--- again.

"-Hello, Lotus Motel! Would you like to book a room?" The voice answers.

"Uh-No, actually, I'm looking for my uh- brothers," She rolls eyes at the stuttering, trying to pull herself together, "They checked into a room, and I can't remember the number. They're both tall, Sam is the taller one with longer hair and Dean is shorter with short hair, please- if you could tell me."

"Sure, ma'am just give me a second," He pauses, placing the phone down. She taps her fingers nervously, wanting to reach for her lost necklace.

"-Okay, it says here they're staying in room 29. Will that be all?"

"Yes sir, thank you," She ends the call. Eva hands the phone back to the owner who was only standing about a foot away from her.

"Get what you need?" He asks.

"Sort of, now I need a ride. Don't really wanna be walking the streets by myself this late."

She looks back to the window, seeing the darkness, the danger. That man in the store was just the beginning of it. Once you're outside at night, alone, female-- they don't care if you scream or yell, they'll attack you regardless.

"Here, take some bus fare," He opens the register, pulling out 2 bucks. He hands it to her.

"You really don't have to," She feels bad, not wanting to take his money. She needs it of course, but this man was already nice to her, now helping her even more.

"No, take it, you need it."

She looks up to his face. His eyes were sincere, he knew what was out there, and most of all she was only 18. He could see she was just a kid.

She takes it, gratefully smiling to him, "Thank you so much, sir. I'll pay you back for this."

And with that, she hops on a bus, straight to Semple street. In approximately 40 minutes, she'll be whooping some Winchester ass.

~~

"That's exactly what I've been saying, Dean," Sam shakes his head, "There's a reason this thing is hunting her, she has to have been marked in some way."

"What if it has to do with her blood? Her parents maybe," Sam suggests.

"No, no," Dean, gets up from his seat, "Then this thing would've been after them, attacked Mom or Dad, not her."

"Then it has to do with that necklace, that has to be the target."

Dean nods, "This thing must be connected to it, maybe some Ancient Spell."

"Wait," Sam stands up, walking over to his laptop and flinging it open, "Like the Hope Diamond...?"

"Hm," Dean tilts his head, "Whenever you lose possession of it, you die,"

"It's just weird...why did she hear footsteps that night? It doesn't match up with the lore."

"Yeah, and neither does the time-travel, Sammy,"

"We're missing something," Sam sighs, putting his head in his hands. He looks to his watch, reading: 2:40 am.

"Okay, let's start over," Dean suggests, "Her friend goes missing."

"Could be anything, ghost, Demon," He snorts, mumbling, "Hell, a Wendigo."

"Well if it was connected to Eva's necklace, to her attack, what options does that leave us?"

Sam tilts his head, intrigued by the thought. They both think in scribbles, trying to make some sort of relationship between the attacks.

"We know that the necklace dropped from her body that night-- like it triggered the attack. We know that when she lost it at the diner, she was attacked again."

"But that time we didn't hear any footsteps," Dean replies.

"Well, what if that night someone was trying to save her?"

This idea causes both of them to turn silent. Their brains soaring up into a frenzy of thoughts. They were thinking about how realistic that was. And if somebody actually was trying to help her, who the hell was it? That would explain why she heard footsteps running after her. Was that the reason she ended up in 2005---did this person send her here to save her life?

"What would even have the power to do that?" Sam whispers.

"I'm not so sure that this case is just about a cursed object anymore. We've got something bigger on our hands."

"If any of this is true, whoever was protecting her before isn't here now. I mean, she nearly died, Dean."

"Wait a minute," Dean sits up, his eyes alarmed, "If we know Marlene must've swiped the necklace at the diner, Eva's bound to get attacked again,"

There's a knock on their door that startles the both of them.

Dean's hunter instincts kick in. Both of their bodies freeze. They know pretty damn well it's not housekeeping.

Having been hunters their entire life, they know it's always something bad. They've learned to expect the worst. John Winchester, unfortunately, made many enemies. They grab their pistols, holding them up. Dean slowly inches toward the door, keeping the gun pointed.

There's a loud knock again.

"Who is it?" He demands.

His voice low, his arms still as a statue. He was prepared for anything. Demon, ghoul, skin-walker, you name it.

"It's Eva! Now open the damn door!" She yells.

Sam and Dean look at each other, 'Eva? How did she get here?' The voice was certainly recognizable, but they couldn't trust that. There are about a dozen things that can not only mimic voices but also take on her appearance. Besides, she should be in the hospital.

"Should I open it?" Sam whispers to Dean.

He nods, gesturing his pistol, for him to move forward.

Sam unlocks the door. His mammoth hand slowly pulling it open to reveal a girl. A girl who looked exactly like Eva. Sam tilts his head, his posture relaxing for a moment as he recognizes her. But, his face is washed with confusion.

"Eva?" He asks.

Dean doesn't lower his gun, "Sam, Holy Water,"

"C'mon it's clearly h-"

"-Holy Water Now!" He says raising his voice.

Sam rummages through his pockets, pulling out a little black flask. He unscrews the top,

"Did you guys seriously just leave me at a--" A splash of water hits her face.

"--What the Hell was that for?" She shrieks. Her hands, shaking with anger, come up to harshly wipe her face.

Dean lowers his gun, seeing no black eyes and no smoke. He opens his mouth to speak- but she stops him.

"--You two give me one good reason why I should still trust you after abandoning me like that!"

"Uh- well, Dean and I had to--"

"--Had to what? Do research? You couldn't do that with me in the room? Are you serious?"

"It was Dean's idea!" Sam adverts the blame.

Immediately, her face twitches, and she turns to the elder Winchester. Her eyes boring right through his wide ones.

"Look, I'm sorry okay? But, we had to figure out what this thing was, and that Doctor from before could've seen us and we would've been busted, kid!"

"Yeah, well imagine what would've happened if he saw me. I'd be locked up in an Asylum!"

"Probably Prison, considering it looks like you impersonated a Nurse," Dean eyes her up and down.

"Ugh! You don't know how close I was to getting caught! It was terrifying," She exclaims.

"Why did you come here if you're so pissed at us?"

"Dean," Sam shoves him.

"What? I can't ask a question?" Besides, it's what we're all thinking, he thinks to himself.

"Where else do I have to go? You guys told me you were going to help me find my family again, and that you'd keep me safe," Her voice falling to a whisper, "I trusted you guys."

"We're so sorry, Eva." Sam steps closer to her.

He gently ushers her inside and softly closes the door.

"This case is getting to our heads, we've never had such a confusing one," Dean admits, "Even after hours of research, we barely have anything."

"I know, it's scaring me too."

She moves some of the papers sprawled out on the bed and sits down. She sighs heavily, thinking about how her fear got the best of her. She didn't want to freak out on them, she felt bad about yelling. All she wanted was a sense of security.

She needed to know that she was going to find her family again and that her life isn't hopeless. But, the longer she thinks on it---in this completely different world--- she feels she might not ever be able to see them again.

"We'll figure this out, kid. Even if we can't gank this psycho, we can do our best to keep you safe," Dean places a hand on her shoulder. She places her fragile one on top of it.

"Jeez, your hands are freezing," He comments.

"Well yeah, it's like 30 out there, and I'm wearing scrubs."

"Speaking of that, do you have your real clothes?" Sam asks.

"Nope. They weren't in my room, and I had to get out of there before someone saw me."

"So...you're not wearing any underwear?"

"Seriously, Dean?" Sam groans.

"It's a joke, Sammy!" He grins, but his brother continues to glare, "Relax, 's just tryna lighten the mood a little."

She wants to laugh, but she can't really conjure up enough energy. She thought that if she found the boys, she'd finally feel safe enough to lie down. But, her brain won't stop the constant ache of sorrow. Her body feels incredibly raw, pushed to its limits. She remains tense, sitting stiffly on the mattress.

"Where'd you get the money to buy a pack of cigs?" Dean asks.

His eyes falling to her right hand, clutching the life-saving gift to her chest.

"I didn't. A stranger gave them to me. It's the only thing that saved me from being caught."

They notice the sad look in her eye. With their job, it's important to be observant. They need to be able to find the smallest clues, indications in order to track down creatures. Though, it's not something they can really turn off. All they can feel is pity. They really did leave her to fend for herself.

Eva's fingers start to unbearably cramp. She lowers both arms to her lap, gently cradling them. She can feel the rawness of the flesh, her bones and muscles were not yet healed. Throwing away those splints was vital, but now she really wishes she had them.

"Got any ice?"

Sam and Dean's eyes immediately fly to her arms. They were red and tender.

"What happened to your bandages?" Sam asks. She was covered in them when they were at the diner, and he's sure after the second attack she'd have even more.

"I had to take them off."

"Well you're dedicated, I'll give you that," Dean comments.

She only hums in agreement, her head still facing her lap.

Dean turns to his little brother, "I got the bandages, you get the ice."

They both stand up and scurry around the cluttered room. Eva tries to focus on something other than her hysteric mind. She can only hear the sounds of the boys moving around the room, stepping awkwardly to avoid the scattered papers and books.

She could hear faintly through the walls to the other rooms. A muffled television program, a few car engines, some murmuring voices down the hall-- it wasn't much, but it was something.

She gets sucked into her own head, wondering why she must feel so weird. It's probably because of walking through Willow while being in the past, that's weird, right? She feels her stomach twist, knowing deep down that something else was a little off. Must be that damn necklace.

Sam softly treads back to the bed she's sitting on. He holds a sock filled with ice, a thick knot at the end of it to prevent spilling.

"Here," He places the ice gently down onto her arms, "Sorry, it's all we had."

She exhales sharply when the cold object touches her tender skin.

"Thanks," She shudders.

Sam sees her hunching over in pain, and probably exhaustion too. She's sitting at the foot of the bed, due to the fact that it's the only clear space. He moves behind her. His large hands gathering all the loose papers and books and shoving them to the side. He makes a clear space for her by the pillows.

He props a few of them up against the headboard, fluffing them.

"Here," He nudges her.

She turns slowly, not wanting to strain anything. When she notices the empty space, presumably prepared for her, she smiles.

At this close proximity, she could smell the scent of his cologne. It was subtle and light, not like those overpowering ones people drown themselves in at the club. It was soft and smelled like something clean and woodsy.

He pulls back some of the covers before patting down the pillow one more time. She then pauses for a moment--trying to calculate how exactly she's going to get over there. Her body feels like it's going to shatter if she moves even in the slightest.

Though, she's embarrassed to ask for his help again. He sees her hesitation and before he can offer her some assistance, Dean pops back up.

He's holding quite a lot more than bandages. She sees a first aid box, some booze, a couple used slings.

"Before you left, did the doctors tell you what your injuries were?"

"I need to know what I'm stitching up," He adds.

She straightens her back, that's right, "They actually said I was...okay."

Dean and Sam both cock their heads at her. Their eyes nearly about to pop out of their sockets. What the hell was she talking about? She was practically dead the last time they saw her.

"You're...okay?" Sam gawks at her, "You're not serious, are you?"

"You were dead as a doornail, kid. No way you're fine."

"Really? I mean, I still have all my broken bones and stitches from before, but--"

"Nothing from the diner?" Sam interrupts.

"No...actually."

Both of the boys look to each other. This didn't add up.

"God...this thing, whatever the hell it is, just keeps getting more and more confusing," Sam groans.

All of a sudden they hear a voice. But not from a person outside the room. It was a radio voice--- the Police Scanner.

"Uh- we've got a 10-35."

"10-20?"

" 16 Mason and Carter."

Another voice responds, "10-101?"

"10-106. We're gonna need the Medical Examiner"

"10-4"

"What was that?" Eva asks.

"Major crime alert, a homicide," Dean answers.

Sam goes over to the radio, about to turn it off--

"Victim...Marlene Woods."

HOPE YOU ENJOYED! Let me know what you guys think xoxo 💋 

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New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/inconvenient-truths/

Inconvenient Truths

Inconvenient Truths

By Hare in the Moon Astrology

Week Ahead January 26 – February 2 2020

A heads up! On Sunday Pluto begins a rare 12 month square with deep space planet Eris-the Disruptor and Awakener on a Uranian scale- deepening the Saturn/Pluto Conjunction into an ongoing Saturn/Pluto/Eris triple whammy, facing us with hugely inconvenient truths that can no longer be swept under the carpet. Remember 2016, when Eris hit Uranus and Trump and Brexit resulted? Now the stakes are higher -this is Eris/ Pluto as subversive, chaotic agents of non-negotiable transformation knocking on your front door. I write much more about this in my “Survive and Thrive Guide to 2020”.

Now add to this Neptune’s fingerprints all over this week’s astrology-in a conjunction with Venus and square Mars on the Great Attractor-and you have all the ingredients for a toxic cocktail of fear, rumour, disinformation and under the radar dealings at a political and global level. This could describe an escalation in the Chinese virus crisis and likely cover up -certainly an exact descriptor of Saturn (the body), Pluto (death), Eris (complete disruption of everyday life) and Neptune (an unknown cause and epidemic).

The Chandra Symbol for Eris at 23 Aries says it all:” A Bottle Labelled Drink Me” “The force of events sweeps away who we thought we were and plunges us to a deeper place beyond the known. The sheer immediacy, the sudden clarity shifts mountains of intent into a different octave altogether. Being taken by storm is the most direct path from here to there. And when cosmic worlds are urgently coming through, the only smart thing is to step aside and make a huge amount of room for unexpected guests, at events you could never have arranged in your wildest dreams.” Elias Lonsdale Inside Degrees.

In your own life, inoculate yourself against the incoming toxic Thought Streams. Stay on your Witness perch, centred in your High Heart. Prioritise your personal ecology -your energy signature, the magnetic Field that surrounds you- that you live from, draw on and co-create: your breath, your physicality, your food, your creativity, your health, your heart, your frequency. For it to flow, for you to thrive, not just survive, you need to clear the river.

All is well. We are fully experiencing what it feels like when the older familiar realities-even if we hated them-are completely overwritten by higher frequencies. Lower, inapplicable versions of ourselves, our old time-lines/bandwidths of experience, are vanishing completely. Your energy signature, your heart and your inner circuitry are re-wiring themselves all at the same time, updating to the new Field.

This is akin to psychic surgery and every one of us is experiencing it uniquely in our way and at our own pace. No comparing your symptoms, your perceptions, your emotions, your beliefs with anyone else. There is nothing to do, be, practice or ritualise-the overwrite is unstoppable. Just be kind to yourself and create sanctuary.

For more on Saturn/Pluto/Eris, buy my “Survive and Thrive Guide to 2020”: www.hareinthemoonastrology.co.uk

New! My new February 2020 5D Report:” That Was Then….This Is Now” will be mailed direct to Subscribers tomorrow January 27th. Sign up at: www.hareinthemoonastrology.co.uk

“Lorna has the unique ability to craft words that really do predict and describe the energies and then puts her wise woman magician spin on it….” Haumea H Los Angeles Ca. No Sign Forecasts this week.

******

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[lorimlee]

YA Scavenger Hunt Fall 19

Welcome to YA Scavenger Hunt! This bi-annual event was first organized by author Colleen Houck as a way to give readers a chance to gain access to exclusive bonus material from their favorite authors . . . and a chance to win some awesome prizes! Go to the YA Scavenger Hunt page to find out all about the hunt.

SCAVENGER HUNT PUZZLE

Directions: I've made it easy for you: my favorite number is 12! Collect the favorite numbers of all the authors on the blue team, and then add them up (don't worry, you can use a calculator!).

Entry Form: Once you've added up all the numbers, make sure you fill out the form here to officially qualify for the grand prize. Only entries that have the correct number will qualify.

Rules: Open internationally, anyone below the age of 18 should have a parent or guardian's permission to enter.

DON'T FORGET TO ENTER MY BONUS GIVEAWAY AT THE BOTTOM! ♥

SCAVENGER HUNT POST

Today, I am hosting JOSHUA BELLIN on my website for the YA Scavenger Hunt! Joshua David Bellin has been writing novels since the age of eight (though the first few were admittedly very short). A college professor by day, he publishes science fiction and fantasy for teens and adults, including the Survival Colony series and the Ecosystem trilogy. He loves monsters. Really scary monsters.

Find out more information by checking out the author website or find more about the author's book here! Website: joshuadavidbellin.blogspot.com/ Buy the book: ECOSYSTEM

EXCLUSIVE CONTENT

"Seventeen-year-old Sarah is a Sensor, gifted with the ability to survive within the sentient Ecosystem that swept away human civilization centuries ago. While the remnants of humankind huddle in small villages of stone, Sarah uses her psychic connection to the Ecosystem to travel freely in the wild in search of food, water, and fuel. Sarah doesn’t fear the Ecosystem—but she hates it for killing her mother when Sarah was a child. When she hunts, she hunts not only for her people’s sustenance but for revenge. Then Miriam, an apprentice Sensor, is lost in the Ecosystem, and Sarah sets out to rescue her. Joining Sarah is Isaac, a boy who claims to possess knowledge of the Ecosystem that will help their people survive. The harrowing journey to find the missing apprentice takes Sarah and Isaac into the Ecosystem’s deadliest places. And it takes Sarah into the unexplored territory of her own heart, where she discovers feelings that threaten to tear her—and her society—apart. ECOSYSTEM is the first book in a fantasy trilogy that includes THE DEVOURING LAND and HOUSE OF EARTH, HOUSE OF STONE."

The Line of the Queens In the Ecosystem trilogy, powerful women known as Queens are able to contact, command, and draw healing strength from the sentient Ecosystem that’s taken over the planet Earth. The following illustration, which represents the Queens who have ruled human society for two hundred years, is based on a line drawing that appears in the third book of the trilogy, House of Earth, House of Stone.

BONUS GIVEAWAY

Don't go anywhere yet! I've got TWO exciting things to share with you! The first is that the cover for my 2020 YA fantasy FOREST OF SOULS was just revealed!!! FOREST OF SOULS is about a spy-in-training who finds her chosen path upended, landing her under the scrutiny of the mysterious Spider King. Check it out on GOODREADS! The second is that I'm also giving away a 30 Gift Card to the online retailer of your choice (so long as said retailer does e-gift cards lol)!

CLICK HERE TO ENTER THE GIVEAWAY

CONTINUE THE HUNT

To keep going on your quest for the hunt, you need to check out the next author, Kim Briggs!

[laniakeabooks]

January Wrap Up

I read 11 books in January which is a personal record. I’ve included the synopsis pulled directly from Goodreads and my (short) thoughts on the book. If you’d like a longer review of any of the books I read this month, feel free to request it!

The Innocence Treatment by Ari Goelman - ⭐⭐⭐

Lauren has a disorder that makes her believe everything her friends tell her--and she believes everyone is her friend. Her innocence puts her at constant risk, so when she gets the opportunity to have an operation to correct her condition, she seizes it. But after the surgery, Lauren is changed. Is she a paranoid lunatic with violent tendencies? Or a clear-eyed observer of the world who does what needs to be done?

Told in journal entries and therapy session transcripts, The Innocence Treatment is a collection of Lauren's papers, annotated by her sister long after the events of the novel. A compelling YA debut thriller that is part speculative fiction and part shocking tell-all of genetic engineering and government secrets, Lauren's story is ultimately an electrifying, propulsive, and spine-tingling read.

 Nothing I found particularly impressive… it had potential but didn’t quite meet it.

 The Memory Book by Lara Avery - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

 Sammie was always a girl with a plan: graduate at the top of her class and get out of her small town as soon as humanly possible. Nothing will stand in her way--not even a rare genetic disorder the doctors say will slowly start to steal her memories and then her health. What she needs is a new plan.

So the Memory Book is born: Sammie's notes to her future self, a document of moments great and small. It's where she'll record every perfect detail of her first date with longtime crush, Stuart--a brilliant young writer who is home for the summer. And where she'll admit how much she's missed her childhood best friend, Cooper, and even take some of the blame for the fight that ended their friendship.

Through a mix of heartfelt journal entries, mementos, and guest posts from friends and family, readers will fall in love with Sammie, a brave and remarkable girl who learns to live and love life fully, even though it's not the life she planned.

 I am shocked. I never expected to like a contemporary this much... especially "sick-lit" or whatever people are calling it. Maybe it was because I found a lot of what Sammie said to be so relatable, or maybe because NPC is exactly the type of disease I'd like to research in my future. Maybe it's because one of my greatest fears is getting dementia and losing my memory.

Whatever it was, I hope I can find it again in another book.

 Vox by Christina Dalcher - ⭐⭐

 Set in an America where half the population has been silenced, VOX is the harrowing, unforgettable story of what one woman will do to protect herself and her daughter.

On the day the government decrees that women are no longer allowed more than 100 words daily, Dr. Jean McClellan is in denial—this can't happen here. Not in America. Not to her.

This is just the beginning.

Soon women can no longer hold jobs. Girls are no longer taught to read or write. Females no longer have a voice. Before, the average person spoke sixteen thousand words a day, but now women only have one hundred to make themselves heard.

But this is not the end.

For herself, her daughter, and every woman silenced, Jean will reclaim her voice

 Uh, yeah, not impressed. Disappointed. Annoyed. It felt like Dalcher was trying too hard and was clearly ridding on the coattails of The Handmaid’s Tale’s recent re-emergence.

Also, the narrator on the audiobook and pronounce Wernicke’s area which just grated on my nerves and honestly pissed me off.

 First We Were IV by Alexandra Sirowy - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

 It started for pranks, fun, and forever memories.

A secret society – for the four of us.

The rules: Never lie. Never tell. Love each other.

We made the pledge and danced under the blood moon on the meteorite in the orchard. In the spot we found the dead girl five years earlier. And discovered the ancient drawings way before that.

Nothing could break the four of us apart – I thought.

But then, others wanted in. Our seaside town had secrets. History.

We wanted revenge.

We broke the rules. We lied. We told. We loved each other too much, not enough, and in ways we weren’t supposed to.

Our invention ratcheted out of control.

What started as a secret society, ended as justice. Revenge. Death. Rebellion.

 Wooooowwwww... I am starting off this year with some pretty good reads. Granted, I read probably 3/4 of this one in emerge on my birthday after having twisted my knee skiing the day before...

This book didn't take the path I thought it would. It just felt like the climax and conclusion occurred in the same paragraph? I don't know maybe that's just me...

I'd love to see this as a TV show (maybe Netflix since they tend to do a rocking job).

 Day 21 by Cass Morgan - ⭐⭐⭐

 It's been 21 days since the hundred landed on Earth. They're the only humans to set foot on the planet in centuries...or so they thought. Facing an unknown enemy, Wells attempts to keep the group together. Clarke strikes out for Mount Weather, in search of other Colonists, while Bellamy is determined to rescue his sister, no matter the cost. And back on the ship, Glass faces an unthinkable choice between the love of her life and life itself.

In this pulse-pounding sequel to Kass Morgan's The 100, secrets are revealed, beliefs are challenged, and relationships are tested. And the hundred will struggle to survive the only way they can -- together.

 I still much prefer the Netflix adaptation. Although I enjoy this recovering from an apocalyptic event storyline the books take, I find that they lack the action that I love so much in the show… not to mention that my favourite characters don’t exist.

 52 Reasons to Hate My Father by Jessica Brody - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

 Lexington Larrabee has never to work a day in her life. After all, she’s the heiress to the multi-billion-dollar Larrabee Media empire. And heiresses are not supposed to work. But then again, they’re not supposed to crash brand new Mercedes convertibles into convenience stores on Sunset Blvd either.

Which is why, on Lexi’s eighteen birthday, her ever-absent, tycoon father decides to take a more proactive approach to her wayward life. Every week for the next year, she will have to take on a different low-wage job if she ever wants to receive her beloved trust fund. But if there’s anything worse than working as a maid, a dishwasher, and a fast-food restaurant employee, it’s dealing with Luke, the arrogant, albeit moderately attractive, college intern her father has assigned to keep tabs on her.

In a hilarious “comedy of heiress” about family, forgiveness, good intentions, and best of all, second chances, Lexi learns that love can be unconditional, money can be immaterial, and, regardless of age, everyone needs a little saving. And although she might have 52 reasons to hate her father, she only needs one reason to love him.

 Be prepared for a spoiled, bratty, unlikable main character. If you can’t stand characters like this, then I suggest avoiding this read, especially since we are trapped in her head (1st person narration) for the duration of the book. However, Lexi does have a great character arc, so if you are able to tolerate her for the first half of the book, you’ll actually start to like her.

Another contemporary I really enjoyed… not sure if this is because I’m not as picky when it comes to my favourite and least favourite genres anymore, but then again it my just be that I stumbled across two contemporaries that suited my fancy this month.

 The Loneliest Girl in the Universe by Lauren James - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

 Romy Silvers is the only surviving crew-member of a spaceship travelling to a new planet, on a mission to establish a second home for humanity amongst the stars. Alone in space, she is the loneliest girl in the universe until she hears about a new ship which has launched from Earth – with a single passenger on board. A boy called J.

Their only communication with each other is via email – and due to the distance between them, their messages take months to transmit across space. And yet Romy finds herself falling in love.

But what does Romy really know about J? And what do the mysterious messages which have started arriving from Earth really mean?

Sometimes, there’s something worse than being alone . . .

 Okay. First of all, the UK paperback cover is gorgeous. This would have one hundred percent been a cover buy if the synopsis hadn’t also intrigued me.

I went in thinking that it would be a space-based romance, but boy was I wrong. And good thing too. I’m not a huge fan of romance (more like I tolerate it for a good plot), and this book did not focus of the blooming romance as much as I thought it would.

Space, suspense, beautiful cover? Sign me up!

 Crash by Lisa McMann - ⭐⭐⭐

 Jules lives with her family above their restaurant, which means she smells like pizza most of the time and drives their double-meatball-shaped food truck to school. It’s not a recipe for popularity, but she can handle that.

What she can’t handle is the recurring vision that haunts her. Over and over, Jules sees a careening truck hit a building and explode...and nine body bags in the snow.

The vision is everywhere—on billboards, television screens, windows—and she’s the only one who sees it. And the more she sees it, the more she sees. The vision is giving her clues, and soon Jules knows what she has to do. Because now she can see the face in one of the body bags, and it’s someone she knows. Someone she has been in love with for as long as she can remember.

In this riveting start to a gripping trilogy from New York Times bestselling author Lisa McMann, Jules has to act—and act fast—to keep her vision from becoming reality.

 Not bad but not amazing either. It’s your typical psychic teen struggling with her newly found gifts and trying to prevent a tragedy. I’ll continue on with the trilogy since I have the bind up, they’re quick reads, and they’re a good distraction from my stressful studies… so basically just what I need.

 Bang by Lisa McMann - ⭐⭐⭐

 Jules should be happy. She saved a lot of people’s lives and she’s finally with Sawyer, pretty much the guy of her dreams. But the nightmare’s not over, because she somehow managed to pass the psycho vision stuff to Sawyer. Excellent.

Feeling responsible for what he’s going through and knowing that people’s lives are at stake, Jules is determined to help him figure it all out. But Sawyer’s vision is so awful he can barely describe it, much less make sense of it. All he can tell her is there’s a gun, and eleven ear-splitting shots. Bang.

Jules and Sawyer have to work out the details fast, because the visions are getting worse and that means only one thing: time is running out. But every clue they see takes them down the wrong path. If they can’t prevent the vision from happening, lives will be lost. And they may be among the casualties…

 This second book in the Visions series took an interesting turn on the whole psychic thing, but a lot of the book was spent going back and forth between “No I don’t want to do this” to “Yes I’m in” and “No I don’t want to help” to, again… “Yes I’m in” which was kind of a drag.

 Number of Pages Read: 3438

Average Rating: 3.5

Favourite Book of the Month: The Loneliest Girl in the Universe by Lauren James

The cover, the space adventure, the thriller-type aspect to the plot… everything I love all in one.

Least Favourite Book of the Month: Vox by Christina Dalcher

I was just… really disappointed.

  Keep up with me on Goodreads!  (https://www.goodreads.com/LaniakeaBooks)

[originalpersonastarfish]

Please, Please You, Oh Yeah

I���m firmly of the opinion that pleasers are made, not born. Pleasers are people who discovered, at some point in their lives, the fearful consequences of not pleasing. Of saying or doing the wrong thing, or failing to say or do the right thing.

When you’re a pleaser, landmines are everywhere.

I became a pleaser early in life—at around the age of 3—and I’ve been laboring prodigiously to please as many people as I can as often as possible ever since. I keep my antennae up, constantly testing the air for vibrations of displeasure. It’s exhausting, but so far, I haven’t managed to relax my guard, despite knowing there’s actually no pleasing people who expect you to try, and people who don’t expect you to try grow tired under the constant pressure of your unrelenting efforts to please them anyway.

The impulse to please that I’m talking about isn’t so much that healthy desire to do nice things for people just because, as it is a desperate fear of arousing the pleasee’s anger, and/or a backwards-facing plea to be, if not loved, at least liked, all the while convinced you’re unworthy. Oh, the irony! To understand, clearly, that as the Good Book says—and I’m paraphrasing here—you can’t buy love, and yet find yourself constantly shopping anyway.

As a pleaser, you understand, at least on a rational level, that in this context, your imagination is your worst enemy. A single inkling that you may have stepped wrong, and off your imagination gallops with a herd of catastrophic consequences, each worse than the one before it.

To be found wanting, or worse to displease, or worst of all, to arouse anger, these are portents of the pleaser’s apocalypse. Imagine spending all night—or all week—agonizing over something you said or did. You’re jittery and breathless, your stomach ties itself in greasy knots. You ghost restlessly from room to room, moaning, “Why didn’t I say that?” or “Why in the hell did I do that?” Maybe you try to fix it. Whether you take remedial action or not, you’re strung high and tight until, a) you realize the sky hasn’t actually fallen and is unlikely to do so, given the time that has passed; or b) your pleasee either forgives you or fails to notice your gaff entirely (by far the most common occurrence).

A word to those of you fortunate enough to understand and believe that you are sufficient, in and of yourself: Pleasers get that in theory, but we never really get that, having been taught otherwise somewhere along the line. Let me repeat that: at some time—probably many times—someone—usually several someones—let us know we weren’t enough, and they let us know in no uncertain, often traumatic terms.

So, for us, the need to please isn’t a decision, it’s knee jerk, hard-learned, deeply entrenched, almost involuntary. Wrongheaded or not, it’s a survival instinct. Resisting the urge is fraught. Fearsome and deeply uncomfortable. Personally speaking, I manage to resist, occasionally, and I’m slowly getting better at it. But resistance is never achieved without considerable psychic cost.

Hello, my name is Kathy, and I’m a pleaser. All I ask is that you afford the pleasers among you the same encouragement and support you’d offer anyone struggling to overcome an addiction or a victim of post-traumatic stress. (Which is often what we are, and I say that without exaggeration.) Oh, and thank you for your patience thus far, frayed though it may be.

[trashy-greyjoy]

Sydnee Recommends: Comics/Graphic Novels

These are just my personal favorites that I deem recommendation worthy, enjoy!

Saga by Brian K. Vaughn and Fiona Staples

this series is so vast it’s hard to summarize, but basically a couple from opposite sides of a huge space war, are on the run from authorities that want to kill them and their daughter

so. fucking diverse. the two mains are both poc, their babysitter is a lesbian ghost missing half her body, there’s a bisexual black woman that kicks major ass, a trans woman that they actually verbally say is trans, a robot species with tv’s for heads, a gay couple of investigative journalists, a girl rescued from sex slavery, and LYING CAT

it’s like a very high stakes romeo and juliet love story set in space where everyone but romeo and juliet die. 

the dialogue is AMAZING and HILARIOUS

**it’s an adult series so there’s lot’s of nudity and violence.

Monstress by Marjorie Liu and Sana Takeda

set in a fantasy version of 1900′s China that’s a fucking matriarchy

main character is of asian descent (not specified but implied chinese) and is missing an arm

takes place during a war between humans, the arcanes (descendants of ancient gods), and witches, as the main character, Maika Halfwolf (what a name!) journeys to get revenge for her mother and uncover the secrets of her past and the demons within her

tons of racial and sexual diversity, 95% of the characters are women, there’s a mute character that uses sign language, and the only confirmed canon couple is between two women

**major trigger warnings: mutilation, abuse, racism/speciesism? (since they aren’t technically human), rape mentions, and violence. it’s really fucking dark, guys.

Paper Girls by Brian K. Vaughn and Cliff Chiang

a group of girls that share paper routes in the 80′s get caught up with a weird alien species that jumps dimensions, takes people, and there’s time travel involved (it’s got like MAJOR Stranger Things vibes)

i’ve only read the first volume because i’m on a book buying ban, but i’ve heard there’s wlw in the later issues!

the art is soooooo gooood

We(l)come Back by Christopher Sebela, Clair Roe, and Jeremy Lawson

this one is really hard to explain, you kind of have to just read it to understand, but i’ll try my best

soulmates are reincarnated and trained to kill each other in every new life, then the cycle starts over

in the current lifetime both soulmates identify as wlw (one has a boyfriend), but in the past they’ve been and identified as different genders and sexualities, so they can be viewed as genderfluid and pansexual

it’ll break you

the art is amazing and graphic and so cool

but come on like... ‘lady’ soulmates trained to kill each other????

Runaways by Brian K Vaugh and Adrian Alphona

Brian K. Vaugh basically owns my ass when it comes to graphic novels

a group of kids find out their parents are super villains and runaway and become heroes

it’s like one of the most diverse marvel teams out there with: a black boy-genius, a japanese gothic witch (that might be confirmed bisexual in the reboot idk yet), a chubby jewish feminist with a psychic link to a dinosaur, a lesbian alien that turns into a rainbow, a mutant child with super strength, and a boy with an abusive father and a knack for tech

and in later installments: a genderfluid skrull, a latino cyborg, and a swiss immigrant that was the child bride of an abusive man and can control plants

deals with so much stuff like finding your place in the world, the fear of turning out like your parents, the importance of found family, and dealing with loss

it’s a show on hulu premiering next month!

ODY-C by Matt Fraction and Christian Ward

its a gender bent, queer retelling of the Odyssey where everyone’s a lady

set in SPACE

the art is omg so colorful and vibrant and gorgeous

honestly what more do i need to tell you guys?

Bitch Planet by Kelly Sue DeConnick and Valentine DeLandro

set a dystopian world where any woman deemed non-compliant with the patriarchal government’s laws is sent to a prison planet 

follows a group of prisoners as they take part in the prison version basically fight club 

super dope and diverse and lots of ladies kicking ass but also bonding

Leigh Bardugo has a tattoo reference to this series. if that means anything to y’all *eyeballs emoji*

Y: The Last Man by (shocker) Brian K. Vaughn, Pia Guerra, and Jose Marzan Jr.

follows a man and his pet monkey in a post apocalyptic world where every other male (in every species) has died

so like there’s literally only one human man in the entire thing

so many kick ass ladies wtf 

commentary on feminism, politics, and survival

**controversial opinions on the ending but the rest of the series is worth it

Teen Titans by Geoff Johns

this isn’t everyone’s favorite version of the story, but i’m a hoe for raven and beastboy so it’s my favorite

you guys probably know the deal, group of teens form a superhero team and battle evil and all that fun stuff

but full disclosure: raven x beast boy is like 90% of the reason i read these

[hyoubuscanonsoulmate]

Sorry if disappeared from the face of Tumblr, kind of got distracted with a certain Amino. Anyways, I wanted to show off Zettai Karen Children Azusa’s new design as well as one of her animal forms.

Here is her bio again, it has some new things to it.

🦇 Azusa is an executive of P.A.N.D.R.A who serves as third in command. She’s also a Level 6 esper with umbrakinesis, hypnosis, and metamorphosis. 🦇

🧛🏻‍♀️ Basics

- Name: Azusa Hyoubu

- Aka: Sovereign of Darkness, Vampiric Esper, The Umbrakinetic, Vampire (by Yō Fujiura), Wannabe Vampire, Darling Vampire (by Kyousuke Hyoubu), Wifey (by Kyousuke Hyoubu), Vampie (by Kyousuke Hyoubu), Darling (by Kyousuke Hyoubu), Esper With Vampirism Tendencies, Sovereign of Darkness.

- Gender: Female (She/Her)

- Age: 37 (Elementary Arc), 39 (Middle School Arc), 41 (High School Arc; Currently) (Appears 19-22)

- Occupation:

PANDRA Executive; Third In Command

Leader of House of Bloodletting Dogs (formerly)

- Nationality: Japanese American

- Sexuality: Bisexual

- Species: Level 6 Esper

- Height: 5’11”/181 cm

🧛🏻‍♀️ Powers/Weapons

1. Umbrakinesis: Azusa’s main ability which allows her to manipulate darkness/shadows. So far, she’s capable of animating shadows, solidifying shadows into things; objects; and beings, create a bat-like or African wild dog-like monster out of her own shadow, infuse darkness into anything she touches, blend into the shadows of others or her surroundings, release a wave of darkness at her opponent, turn her body into darkness, control people’s motor functions by fusing her shadow with their shadows, and create a field of darkness at a certain range that removes the person’s senses except for touch and hearing. Due to manipulating the psychic waves that control her umbrakinetic powers, she’s immune to darkness/shadow based attacks/powers. The main weakness of her ability is that it can at times strain Azusa’s body.

2. Hypnosis: Azusa is shown to create and manipulate deceiving illusions that effect the five senses. Her illusions dissolve into swarms of bats when deactivated.

3. Metamorphosis: Can transform into a vampire bat or African Wild Dog.

4. Teleportation

5. Parasol

🧛🏻‍♀️ Likes/Dislikes

Loves:

✓ Books

✓ Reading

✓ Apple Juice

✓ Chess

✓ Knives

✓ Board Games

✓ Foxes

✓ Bats

✓ Cello Rock

✓ Jazz Fusion

✓ Knife Throwing

✓ Blood

✓ Vampires

✓ Metal Music

✓ Writing

✓ Typewriters

✓ Fencing

✓ Vampires

✓ African Wild Dogs

Dislikes:

* Non Espers

* Rap/Hip Hop

* Pop Music

* People Calling Her Vampire Wannabe

🧛🏻‍♀️ Personality

Azusa is a woman with a suave, extroverted, enthusiastic, and confident personality. On the surface, she appears to be rather businesslike; smug; and polite character who is often seen smiling no matter what situation she’s in and sometimes does a greeting bow towards friend or foe.

She appears to have a soft spot for books and board games, with chess being her favorite one to play. She also seems to have rather sophisticated yet expensive taste in many things as she’s seen collecting very old typewriters, eating at formal dining restaurants, and buying rather refined clothing.

Azusa is also known to be rather sharp-witted, being very intelligent and capable of completing tasks in a practical manner.

Despite those things, being a member of P.A.N.D.R.A; Azusa is described to be rather dangerous. She is very sinister, bloodthirsty, and can be quite sadistic at times which she shows towards her foes as she isn’t afraid to shed blood with a wide grin on her face. Like Hyoubu, she tends to mask her saddened or angered emotions with a smile or confident smirk.

During battle, Azusa tends to tease or taunt her opponents and seems to boast a lot of self-confidence when fighting or when completing tasks to a point of arrogance. She’s also rather remorseless towards her enemies showing no qualms in hurting or killing those who stand in her or Hyoubu’s way.

She’s also quite cunning and tends to use rather ruthless methods to achieve her tasks. Azusa is also a very ambitious individual. She also appears to hold a strong grudge and disgust for humans due to her treatment by them in the past.

Despite these things, Azusa is kind and polite towards P.A.N.D.R.A, especially towards Hyoubu who she loves to bits and is very loving as well as caring towards him. She is also described to a loving and caring parental figure towards her kids and the Esper children who were taken in by P.A.N.D.R.A. Due to being rescued by Hyoubu around her early 20s, Azusa has sworn absolute loyalty to him.

Though usually confident, Azusa has also shown sadness and even fear/concern from time to time.

Aside from books, Azusa seems to take a strong interest in vampires and has a tendency to use her illusion ability to surround herself in bats, is obsessed with bats, drinks blood, and wears clothing that reminds her of vampires. Some find this endearing or strange. Her obsession with vampires and her ability has lead her to being called a ‘Vampire’ by Yō Fujiura.

In the past, before meeting Hyoubu and before becoming more open towards P.A.N.D.R.A; Azusa was described to be a lot more coolheaded and pessimistic. Thanks to help of Hyoubu and P.A.N.D.R.A, Azusa has opened up.

🧛🏻‍♀️ Past

At a young age, Azusa and her parents were victims of esper trafficking in Japan where she would eventually be bought in the Black Market by an unknown organization of normals who often used espers for their own personal gain and often treated espers inhumanely, often making espers their assassins and usually made their espers wear Limiters to suppress their powers. Azusa was valued by the organization due to her abilities and being a Level 6 esper which are the second highest level espers. However, she was treated poorly and only saw her as a tool of destruction. When they didn’t need her on certain missions, she often sported Limiters. Azusa disliked being treated by normals as nothing more than a mere tool.

On her 20th birthday, Azusa and her group of friends turns their back against the normal comprised organization and uses her abilities against them, killing many of the normal members in the process. She tells the espers within the organization that she is the Leader of The House of Bloodletting Dogs and their goal is rescue espers from humans, even if it meant killing humans in the process.

After Azusa’s escape, she and her group would eventually go into hiding while saving espers from humans where she and her friends would be caught up in an esper/normal conflict where she was nearly killed by normals and lost all of the Bloodletting Dogs members in the process until she was saved by Hyoubu and PANDRA, an organization comprising of only espers who offer her a home for only espers and dream of creating a world where espers will live with rights as well as freely. Hearing about Hyoubu’s offer and having nowhere else to go, she joins the organization and over time, grows very close to them and isn’t treated as a tool like the previous organization.

🧛🏻‍♀️ Future Azusa Predictions

1. Azusa is said to have sided with the espers who are fighting against humans, being responsible for countless deaths in the process. Even though not every esper is seen fighting against the humans, many of them are which is seen with Azusa.

2. Azusa supposedly watches over a small group of espers and supplies them with dangerous weapons.

3. While Azusa’s title known as the Sovereign of Darkness is not as well known as The Queen of Catastrophe (the now 20 year old Kaoru Akashi who supposedly had defected from Babel in the future and leads PANDRA due to Hyoubu’s worsening health conditions), her name is still feared upon by many for the blood shed she has caused.

4. By the war, Azusa has reached her mid forties (around 44-45 years old).

5. During the war’s initial stages, Azusa’s original parasol is destroyed and is seen with a different parasol instead.

6. It’s unknown whether Azusa survived or died in the war.

7. Due to her masks being destroyed, Azusa wears bandages over her eye. She also sports a different outfit.

8. Azusa kills Bullet Silver during an air raid.

🧛🏻‍♀️ Ship Name

Hyouzusa (Kyousuke Hyoubu x Azusa Hyoubu)

🧛🏻‍♀️ Some Trivia

* Favorite food is blood and sushi.

* Drinks blood.

* Married to Kyousuke Hyoubu.

* Has two daughters with Hyoubu (Zorro and Yugiri who they view as their adopted daughter).

* Wears masks and neck bandages to cover scars.

* Obsessed with vampires and vampirecore.

* Tends to call Hyoubu “Angel”.

[non-pursuitofhappiness]

Have spent my entire Sunday either sleeping or fucking around on Tumblr adjusting minor details on my new blog, rather than buying that one onion I needed. But that’s okay, because yesterday was productive as fuck. Things accomplished:

-Cleaned the bathroom sink that was becoming a project in avoidance

-Dusted and swept the entire condo (discovered multiple spiderwebs - not gross at all)

-Cleaned kitchen counters

-Cleaned the kitchen window, the inside AND the outside of the patio sliding door, and the glass globe chandelier in the dining room (they are now the shiniest thing in the apartment)

-Sprayed that bad-smell-removing spray-thing on all the furniture

-Washed and dried the bed sheets and comforter. Used spot-removing spray-thing for first time ever in my life.

-Ate relatively healthily

-FINISHED THIS BOOK:

I had gotten hit by Good Omens-obsessiveness towards the end so it was taking me a bit longer to finish. But it was an excellent read and really helped me in my “single studies” self-therapy project. I had been massively depressed for several years a few years back (have since recovered from that particular depression and the severe anxiety loop I was experiencing as well), obviously for a variety of reasons/causes, etc., and I found myself obsessing constantly over whether my friendships were solid or falling apart, whether people I loved liked or loved me back, feeling incredibly lonely and abandoned by friends who appeared to be retreating into coupledom, and fearing that I was actually a broken and incomplete person doomed to loneliness merely because I had never had even a casual romantic or sexual relationship.

I did end up getting therapy and got on anti-depressants, but it was a long, slow road and I lost the coupled friends in the meantime. Like, formally lost them. After 10 years of friendship, one told me she didn’t want a one-on-one relationship with me anymore because I had crossed her boundaries in my needy desperation for her love (neediness triggered by the loss of our intimacy after she got a girlfriend) and, although she still cared about me and considered me a friend, would now only interact with me in group settings and chats. That to me was not friendship and also I was horrified and humiliated to hear this, so I told her it was best for me to walk away instead and I left our group chat with our queer friends. The other, also a friend of 10 or 11 years from that same queer “family,” just ghosted me after I accidentally offended her new girlfriend by ranting against relationship hierarchies, hyper-individualism, and our culture’s prioritization of the one romantic relationship over all others on Facebook. (I may have referred to romantic partnerships as “temporary relationships,” so, while it was not about her per se okay I can see how she thought it was about her because it kind of indirectly was.) I was told by the girlfriend that some people just want only one person to love, share, and be intimate with and my demands of inclusion were a violation of boundaries and also that I was otherizing her and proving to her that she would always be otherized. So I was preemptively otherized instead (as far as I’m concerned).

So, although I was by then much more emotionally and mentally healthy than I had been for several years (though clearly still not quite okay yet), I was unmoored. I am a person who has never had a million friends, who has felt abruptly abandoned and bullied by friends before as the strange un-pretty half-deaf kid who didn’t fit in well and found socializing in groups hard. And while I am 32 years old and far the fuck away from that kid, these events definitely reminded me of those times. I had cherished these friends. I really thought they’d be around for life and that this was the group that I could trust and never had to worry about fitting into. And it turned out their love was conditional, which all love is and should be really.

Processing and accepting these losses, including what felt like the loss of my community and social circle, took another couple of years, and I still get angry or sad about it at times. (I was this close to making voodoo dolls, y’all.) I did recover from depression and anxiety and I did come to discover that I had plenty of people left to love me. But for a while, I felt like the pursuit of a romantic relationship was really just a veiled survival strategy that I both resented and needed to engage in, necessary to survive a culture that would not value me or my needs and values, to survive friends who move to pursue quixotic dreams fueled by American exceptionalism and its demand for “specialness,” friends who disappear into couples, and to survive a 2-income capitalist economy.

The rage and unfair judgments have now simmered somewhat, but I still felt ambiguous and also tired of caring about the subject. I just wanted to be happy, goddammit. I wanted permission to not care anymore about whether I date or not, whether I will ever have a partner or not. Our cultural obsession with romance and coupling up as validation of our worthiness has actively psychically harmed me. I’m tired of wondering whether there is something wrong with me or not, whether I am attractive or not, sexual and sufficiently enjoying it or not, whether I am incomplete, and whether what I have and what I am is enough and not inferior or lacking somehow. I want to let the idea of “finding someone” or even having “the sex” gooo….

And so, since books are now my best coping mechanism, I looked shit up on Amazon and found this book, which I chose to read as self-therapy. And it was beautiful and validating and perfectly re-orienting. The first chapter alone helped me to realize that I am far from a minority at all, and it gave me so much information on how long-term happiness is not significantly affected by having or not having romantic relationships. And it reassured me that there are plenty of people living life and forming connections and multiple communities just the way I am - they are not lonely or sad or incomplete. It’s helping me to see that my life is a fully lived life. That there’s nothing for people to pity and there’s nothing for me to fear about my future. I have a close family that I’m also friends with and who I regularly visit - including a beautiful nephew. I have lifelong friends I talk regularly to (some of whom even travel long distances to visit), ties in other countries, a social circle right here of friends from that old group who remain my friends, who make me dinner, get excited about Marvel movies with me, share their dramas and their lives with me, a housemate who loves me, new friends I’m giving time to, coworkers who make me laugh and who talk about Victor/Victoria and Disney movies with me at happy hours, a condo I bought for myself, multiple vacations and visits from friends on the horizon, and a rich inner life of fandom, books, fantastic dreams, television, political and cultural musings, etc etc. So I would certainly recommend this book if you also need self-therapy and a reaffirmation of how not alone you are.

There’s my book review. A whole fucking life story and a sentence or two about the actual book, LOL. Now I can finally move on to Good Omens!!!

[x7i7l-blog]

What is the being of race?

Brief thoughts on an essay about Nazism, race and identity by Philip K Dick

Feeling a longing for metaphysical disturbances, I picked up a collection of mainly non-fiction works by Philip K Dick (the science fiction author whose ideas created Blade Runner, A Scanner Darkly, Minority Report among others) at a second hand book store. I decided to read the book at random, breaking with my obsessive compulsive need to read things from beginning to end and came across “Naziism and_ The High Castle_” which tries to understand the dynamics of the Nazi ideology, historical responsibility and the possibility of  totalitarianism in the United States.

If you know me, you might have detected that the holocaust has an imprint on my mind. There is a picture on the mantle in my father’s home that shows my Great Aunt and her daughter, in sepia tones, wearing vogueish 1930s style caps and cloaks, staring with the faintest of smiles into the twenty first century. They were murdered, the story our family tells is that it was by retreating Nazis at the end of the war in their homes - although I have not been able to ascertain how this knowledge of the dead could have reached us, when all the survivors migrated out before genocide arrived, or survived in a death camp.

In the essay, Dick suggests that the reasons for antisemitism are essentially unknowable: “We know what they did, we know what their stated ideologies were... but we do not actually know why, in the deepest sense, they - i.e., the Nazis - did it.”

He goes on to say: “It is subrational; it is psychological, not logical. Why do some people fear cats or streetcars or redheaded goats? ... Phobia is phobia; it springs... from depths of the self unknown to the self.

Dick undermines the idea that somehow German culture led to Nazism, that there was an inherent Germannness in the genocide. Which I find refreshing as someone who does not believe the murder of my family members is without historical precedent, or that their murder is somehow historically more important than other brutal ideological murders, or that it hasn’t happened a thousand times over before and since the tide of blood reached their little corner of Romania, to Roma people, to Palestinians, to the indigenous nations of the land now called Australia.

And thinking about this question of phobia I am drawn to think about refugees, having only just left Calais, where the European psyche plays out its identity crises on people trying to survive, and now arriving in Australia, where no physical and mental torture of faceless refugees on far flung islands is too severe, too degrading, too homicidal to overcome the necessity of keeping “our” borders safe.

Having tried so much rational argumentation about the necessity of open borders as a moral and practical tool in the twenty first century for managing the manifest crises we face, after so many appeals to people to see the humanity in those they fear have failed, maybe the sub rational nature of this fear is insurmountable. No, it cannot be insurmountable, but maybe what is not needed is more rational discourse, but psychic interventions - perhaps art and performance, dance, perhaps propagandistic interventions which stir people on the level of their internal symbolism. It grants me a reassurance that the artistic path, as well as the activist and journalist approach, is worthy, but that we need to shake people not only rationally, but in their deep, subrational recesses.

Yet it is not only a matter of dark recesses “out there” in a faceless, racist public, but also “in here” Dick suggests that the cultural obsession with Nazism might derive from the uncanny familiarity of Nazi ideology. “We squirm and we remember because it is not “them” but “us” who thought those awful thoughts, and hence instigated those awful deeds.

At the end of the text, Dick asks that he be understood as a nominalist; Nominalism, I believe, to be taken to mean a rejection of abstract objects. In Dick’s experience, he is speaking of Jewish friends who wish to identify him as a “gentile”. Dick says: “I am not a “white man.” My German friends are not “Germans,” nor my Jewish friends “Jews.” I am a nominalist. To me, there are only individual entities, not group entities such as race, blood, people, etc.”

Reading this in 2016, I feel both the lure of what Dick calls nominalism (I confess that I experience myself primarily as a singular tunnel through space-time) but also some reservations. I also desire to not only be understood through a reductive group identity. Yet Dick has no awareness of his privilege as a “white man”, which I think is a necessary and important counterweight to the desire to be encountered as a singularity in the world. “Whiteness” is real, even if I can’t quite comprehend what it_ is_._ _As Dick writes elsewhere: “Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.”

Whiteness is real when I walk down the street, when I buy something in a store with my credit card, when I walk through a passport queue, when I apply for work, when I participate in any kind of economic, social or cultural exchange, it is there. Certainly whiteness is real, not least as a consequence of the interminable, sub-rational racist phobias Dick describes at the beginning of the text.

Yet I intrinsically feel that although I am of the abstract object “whiteness” its being is not me. Most people who would look at me would probably agree that “I am white,” but asked to define what the “am” counts for, I am at a loss.

What is the realness of whiteness? What kind of reality claim can it, does it make? What is the being of race? These are questions which join dark psychic recesses with crucial political questions.

I suppose the best place to begin to look for answers is in the writings of those who are not defined as "white".

[advancedthetapractitioner]

TGIWednesday and a download for having humility

TGIWednesday News

Wowza, we are in Mercury Retrograde and just survived another full moon……….. YIKES………..this madness should be over with around December 7th.  Keep in mind that you can and will endure and persist and remember to make progress every day.  I believe in you and I am here as the way-shower to help/contribute to you. If you are feeling extra crispy and on edge, know that I'm available to you 24/7/365 if you need a session, reach out anytime!  Info@jimmymackhealing.com You’ll want to look over personal appearances carefully for holiday date updates as well as the radio show dates and times so that you don’t miss out on a single opportunity to improve your life!   Look for "The Gold Coin" Audio MP3 to drop in January and that will improve finances, money, good fortune, investments, savings, and yes even games of chance and Lotto! Oh and look for a surprise BOGO sale in December……….oh wait did I just say that out loud? ;)

TGIWednesday Download

~ HAVING HUMILITY ~ It is safe and comfortable for me to be humble.  I am ready, willing and able to express humility at just the right amount without being a martyr nor being egotistical.  I know when, where how and why in spirits time to allow spirit to drift, in, around and through me here and now.  I believe, think, know and feel that humility in all things will shine through whenever I am down or up.  I am asking for this feeling of being grounded while moving forward with grace and ease in all languages and throughout all time lines and so it is.  

Last Call for the $99 Special

Just 72 hours left to get the $99 deal & save the 50% on all 3 OR Buy them individually for $42 and save $15 on each. Share with it with friends and family and you'll have it for all the years and holidays to come. DEAL ENDS THIS FRIDAY AT MIDNIGHT!

You'll get all three (3) MyBeliefworks™ audios for $99! 1) Relieving Holiday Stress (over 100 clearings - $57 value) 2) Healing Family Relationships (over 100 clearings - $57 value) 3)Traveling w/Ease (over 100 clearings - $57 value) This triple audio MP3 bundle is designed to help you deal with the trifecta of stress this holiday! They're easy to download & play on your mobile device and can even be played in the background at the family gathering, airport, or shopping mall at low/no volume to change the energy for all.

Grab them now - just $99

For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of ALL clearing MP3s available. Find a topic that addresses your issue(s) & click on the link to read more. 

Abuse Addiction Body Scan: Head to Toe Daily GPS Reset Dark Energies/Fears Decision Making Diet & Exercise Education & Learning Family & Relatives Healing Physical Body Healing Mental Stress Holiday Stress

Increasing Intuition Love & Romance Money Mindset Moving Forward Pain Relief Pet Healing Sales & Success Sex Sleep Traveling w/Ease Work & Career Weight Loss

Fish Food 

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations  

NOVEMBER 28th - "Today I will let go and ignore crazy. Crazy will be someone else's dilemma or demise but not mine. I will stay the course and observe with humor and a smile all that is going on around me."

Live Shows and Replays

JIMMY MACK HEALING SHOW  Tuesdays at 9pm ET/ 6pm PT Call in LIVE (713) 955-0594

Imagine getting FREE intuitive messages and healings LIVE!  Well, it happens every week on my radio show with some of the best psychic readers & intuitive healers on the planet!  Tune in weekly for the FREE live show or replay and YOU will receive changes & healings just by listening!  To listen online, click the date links below. Listen Here to Yesterday's Replay - Special Guest Rev. Debbie Dienstbier Facebook page Our resident trans medium, communicating with your loved one’s (& pets) on the other side! UPCOMING SHOWS IN DECEMBER Listen Here December 4th - Special Guest Psychic Joanne Leo Astrology, Numerology, Angel Cards and ultimately Soul Readings www.psychicjoanneleo.com   Listen Here December 11th - Special Guest Darius Mills Psychic Medium readings LIVE. We’ll take your calls and answer questions!!! www.psychicmediumdarius.com   Listen Here December 18th - Special Guest Rev. Debbie Dienstbier  Facebook page Our resident trans medium, communicating with your loved one’s on the other side!   December 25th - Christmas - NO SHOW  

Browse the interview archives here.

Live In-Person Appearances

LIVE AT KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS TAMPA

Tampa Bay area locals can book a live session w/me WEDNESDAYS & FRIDAYS Check the available dates below. Call Kodawari's front desk directly to schedule (813) 773-4017 and pay at the concierge desk... 15 minutes 33$ or 30 minutes 65$. UPCOMING SCHEDULE 10-2pm: Wednesday:  Dec. 5th, 12th, 19th Friday:  Dec. 28th | Jan 4th  

3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa (813) 773-4017 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/  

LIVE AT SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH TAMPA  

Come see me Monday December 10th â€‹@ ​​Swann Holistic Health Solutions ​from 10am to 5pm at my good friend Charla Tempone's office in Tampa. Please call their office directly at (813) 873-7773  in order to get on the schedule for 15-minutes 33$ - 30-minutes 65$ 39 A DAVIS BLVD Tampa, FL http://www.ctholisticsolutions.com

From the Fish Box

"Hi Jimmy,it was great seeing you again, you are the best Christmas gift I could give myself, you are a true gift, thank you!" - R.R. / Florida  

Receive 24/7 Daily Prayers From Jimmy

"I love your prayer service!  I reached my financial goal in 2 weeks, my daughter is over the moon with her new official boyfriend and my son is loving college and successfully traveled home with no issues. My husband is a work in progress; your addiction audio will make a nice Christmas gift for him!" - C.T. / Florida   I will dial into you daily in the wee hours and make certain that you are a CLEAR YES, UNCLEAR to NO and RUNNING FORWARD before you start your day. You will send me a list of the members of your immediate household, and yes even pets, and I will add them to my daily prayers. I will arise daily before you are even awake to start my prayers and also run my intelligent computer software 24/7 deleting the negative and increasing the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of outcomes for you and the family.  Each comes with a one-time email analysis print out via the intelligent healing software that I use on your behalf.  Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes and I get emails like this one each and every week!

                     Choose 7 days @$33              Choose 14 days @$66           Choose 30 days @$99

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Fishing Mastery & Practitioner Certification

Level I is open for ANYONE TO JOIN at anytime!  

"I have found this to be a great modality.  I have for the first time got my husband and kids fishing daily.  I've learned Emotion Code, Body Code, dowsing, 3 levels of Yuen and some other bits and bobs I've played with.  I like how easy this is to take on the road.  I really appreciate your time and brilliance. Thank you." - D.T. / Kansas

The Certificate of Mastery Program includes 2 best-selling ebooks and 2 clearing audios plus written & video instructions, AND one-on-one time with Jimmy ALL for about the cost of a single 1-hr session! This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It includes "The Tackle Box" & "Spiritual Healing Techniques" ebooks PLUS 2 MP3s "Clearing Dark Energies" & "Increasing Your Intuition" to help clear, strengthen and prepare your energy field for optimal “fishing” results. This is a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH & CLEAR you at the same time! In under 2wks you will be finished with the program and ready to fish on your own with greater results!

Level II Practitioner Certification Course for those in the healing arts.

All members must first complete the Mastery Program then, if qualified, they can choose to move on to Level II where many advanced teachings & nuances are shared through the "Healing A-Z" book & includes 3 more clearing audios to help strengthen your business and finances. The exclusively written "The Practitioner's Handbook" is the cornerstone of the program & cannot be purchased individually.  It outlines some of the inner workings of how I handle my own practice including topics like; managing unrealistic expectations, having patience, pricing, time isn't always equal to outcomes or results, having limits, legal and ethical questions, advice on supplements, marketing, promotion, and sales, daily rituals for you and your clients/patients. The Level II course was designed and is dedicated to those who practice in the healing arts; Psychics, Healers, NP, AP, DOM, DO, MD, DC, Massage Therapists, Physical Therapists, RNs, Nurse Practitioners, PhDs, and Physician Assistants or currently practicing another modality, technique or method that includes natural healing in your home office or office setting, phone and or Skype.

LEARN MORE HERE

TGIFunny

NASA’s insight landing, returning the first images of Mars

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Jimmy Mack 727.678.0557​ EST | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session ​ ​​Transformational Healing of Body, Mind​ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!​ ​ Download the My Liquid Fish® Starter Kit Audio MP3 Downloads​ and books​ to improve your life! Get Certified in ​My Liquid Fish® Change Made Simple® Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for ​Supplements ​ http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyright ©1998-2018 All Rights Reserved  

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Stay connected!

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[divinefishingtips]

TGIWednesday and a download for having humility

TGIWednesday News

Wowza, we are in Mercury Retrograde and just survived another full moon……….. YIKES………..this madness should be over with around December 7th.  Keep in mind that you can and will endure and persist and remember to make progress every day.  I believe in you and I am here as the way-shower to help/contribute to you. If you are feeling extra crispy and on edge, know that I'm available to you 24/7/365 if you need a session, reach out anytime!  Info@jimmymackhealing.com You’ll want to look over personal appearances carefully for holiday date updates as well as the radio show dates and times so that you don’t miss out on a single opportunity to improve your life!   Look for "The Gold Coin" Audio MP3 to drop in January and that will improve finances, money, good fortune, investments, savings, and yes even games of chance and Lotto! Oh and look for a surprise BOGO sale in December……….oh wait did I just say that out loud? ;)

TGIWednesday Download

~ HAVING HUMILITY ~ It is safe and comfortable for me to be humble.  I am ready, willing and able to express humility at just the right amount without being a martyr nor being egotistical.  I know when, where how and why in spirits time to allow spirit to drift, in, around and through me here and now.  I believe, think, know and feel that humility in all things will shine through whenever I am down or up.  I am asking for this feeling of being grounded while moving forward with grace and ease in all languages and throughout all time lines and so it is.  

Last Call for the $99 Special

Just 72 hours left to get the $99 deal & save the 50% on all 3 OR Buy them individually for $42 and save $15 on each. Share with it with friends and family and you'll have it for all the years and holidays to come. DEAL ENDS THIS FRIDAY AT MIDNIGHT!

You'll get all three (3) MyBeliefworks™ audios for $99! 1) Relieving Holiday Stress (over 100 clearings - $57 value) 2) Healing Family Relationships (over 100 clearings - $57 value) 3)Traveling w/Ease (over 100 clearings - $57 value) This triple audio MP3 bundle is designed to help you deal with the trifecta of stress this holiday! They're easy to download & play on your mobile device and can even be played in the background at the family gathering, airport, or shopping mall at low/no volume to change the energy for all.

Grab them now - just $99

For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of ALL clearing MP3s available. Find a topic that addresses your issue(s) & click on the link to read more. 

Abuse Addiction Body Scan: Head to Toe Daily GPS Reset Dark Energies/Fears Decision Making Diet & Exercise Education & Learning Family & Relatives Healing Physical Body Healing Mental Stress Holiday Stress

Increasing Intuition Love & Romance Money Mindset Moving Forward Pain Relief Pet Healing Sales & Success Sex Sleep Traveling w/Ease Work & Career Weight Loss

Fish Food 

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations  

NOVEMBER 28th - "Today I will let go and ignore crazy. Crazy will be someone else's dilemma or demise but not mine. I will stay the course and observe with humor and a smile all that is going on around me."

Live Shows and Replays

JIMMY MACK HEALING SHOW  Tuesdays at 9pm ET/ 6pm PT Call in LIVE (713) 955-0594

Imagine getting FREE intuitive messages and healings LIVE!  Well, it happens every week on my radio show with some of the best psychic readers & intuitive healers on the planet!  Tune in weekly for the FREE live show or replay and YOU will receive changes & healings just by listening!  To listen online, click the date links below. Listen Here to Yesterday's Replay - Special Guest Rev. Debbie Dienstbier Facebook page Our resident trans medium, communicating with your loved one’s (& pets) on the other side! UPCOMING SHOWS IN DECEMBER Listen Here December 4th - Special Guest Psychic Joanne Leo Astrology, Numerology, Angel Cards and ultimately Soul Readings www.psychicjoanneleo.com   Listen Here December 11th - Special Guest Darius Mills Psychic Medium readings LIVE. We’ll take your calls and answer questions!!! www.psychicmediumdarius.com   Listen Here December 18th - Special Guest Rev. Debbie Dienstbier  Facebook page Our resident trans medium, communicating with your loved one’s on the other side!   December 25th - Christmas - NO SHOW  

Browse the interview archives here.

Live In-Person Appearances

LIVE AT KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS TAMPA

Tampa Bay area locals can book a live session w/me WEDNESDAYS & FRIDAYS Check the available dates below. Call Kodawari's front desk directly to schedule (813) 773-4017 and pay at the concierge desk... 15 minutes 33$ or 30 minutes 65$. UPCOMING SCHEDULE 10-2pm: Wednesday:  Dec. 5th, 12th, 19th Friday:  Dec. 28th | Jan 4th  

3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa (813) 773-4017 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/  

LIVE AT SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH TAMPA  

Come see me Monday December 10th ​@ ​​Swann Holistic Health Solutions ​from 10am to 5pm at my good friend Charla Tempone's office in Tampa. Please call their office directly at (813) 873-7773  in order to get on the schedule for 15-minutes 33$ - 30-minutes 65$ 39 A DAVIS BLVD Tampa, FL http://www.ctholisticsolutions.com

From the Fish Box

"Hi Jimmy,it was great seeing you again, you are the best Christmas gift I could give myself, you are a true gift, thank you!" - R.R. / Florida  

Receive 24/7 Daily Prayers From Jimmy

"I love your prayer service!  I reached my financial goal in 2 weeks, my daughter is over the moon with her new official boyfriend and my son is loving college and successfully traveled home with no issues. My husband is a work in progress; your addiction audio will make a nice Christmas gift for him!" - C.T. / Florida   I will dial into you daily in the wee hours and make certain that you are a CLEAR YES, UNCLEAR to NO and RUNNING FORWARD before you start your day. You will send me a list of the members of your immediate household, and yes even pets, and I will add them to my daily prayers. I will arise daily before you are even awake to start my prayers and also run my intelligent computer software 24/7 deleting the negative and increasing the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of outcomes for you and the family.  Each comes with a one-time email analysis print out via the intelligent healing software that I use on your behalf.  Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes and I get emails like this one each and every week!

                     Choose 7 days @$33              Choose 14 days @$66           Choose 30 days @$99

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Fishing Mastery & Practitioner Certification

Level I is open for ANYONE TO JOIN at anytime!  

"I have found this to be a great modality.  I have for the first time got my husband and kids fishing daily.  I've learned Emotion Code, Body Code, dowsing, 3 levels of Yuen and some other bits and bobs I've played with.  I like how easy this is to take on the road.  I really appreciate your time and brilliance. Thank you." - D.T. / Kansas

The Certificate of Mastery Program includes 2 best-selling ebooks and 2 clearing audios plus written & video instructions, AND one-on-one time with Jimmy ALL for about the cost of a single 1-hr session! This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It includes "The Tackle Box" & "Spiritual Healing Techniques" ebooks PLUS 2 MP3s "Clearing Dark Energies" & "Increasing Your Intuition" to help clear, strengthen and prepare your energy field for optimal “fishing” results. This is a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH & CLEAR you at the same time! In under 2wks you will be finished with the program and ready to fish on your own with greater results!

Level II Practitioner Certification Course for those in the healing arts.

All members must first complete the Mastery Program then, if qualified, they can choose to move on to Level II where many advanced teachings & nuances are shared through the "Healing A-Z" book & includes 3 more clearing audios to help strengthen your business and finances. The exclusively written "The Practitioner's Handbook" is the cornerstone of the program & cannot be purchased individually.  It outlines some of the inner workings of how I handle my own practice including topics like; managing unrealistic expectations, having patience, pricing, time isn't always equal to outcomes or results, having limits, legal and ethical questions, advice on supplements, marketing, promotion, and sales, daily rituals for you and your clients/patients. The Level II course was designed and is dedicated to those who practice in the healing arts; Psychics, Healers, NP, AP, DOM, DO, MD, DC, Massage Therapists, Physical Therapists, RNs, Nurse Practitioners, PhDs, and Physician Assistants or currently practicing another modality, technique or method that includes natural healing in your home office or office setting, phone and or Skype.

LEARN MORE HERE

TGIFunny

NASA’s insight landing, returning the first images of Mars

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Jimmy Mack 727.678.0557​ EST | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session ​ ​​Transformational Healing of Body, Mind​ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!​ ​ Download the My Liquid Fish® Starter Kit Audio MP3 Downloads​ and books​ to improve your life! Get Certified in ​My Liquid Fish® Change Made Simple® Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for ​Supplements ​ http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyright ©1998-2018 All Rights Reserved  

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger | Digital Marketing Specialist | SMBeConnected Solutions Digital Marketing Solutions & Support for Conscious Entrepreneurs www.smbeconnected.com  

Stay connected!

  Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA

[365dailyaffirmations]

TGIWednesday and a download for having humility

TGIWednesday News

Wowza, we are in Mercury Retrograde and just survived another full moon……….. YIKES………..this madness should be over with around December 7th.  Keep in mind that you can and will endure and persist and remember to make progress every day.  I believe in you and I am here as the way-shower to help/contribute to you. If you are feeling extra crispy and on edge, know that I'm available to you 24/7/365 if you need a session, reach out anytime!  Info@jimmymackhealing.com You’ll want to look over personal appearances carefully for holiday date updates as well as the radio show dates and times so that you don’t miss out on a single opportunity to improve your life!   Look for "The Gold Coin" Audio MP3 to drop in January and that will improve finances, money, good fortune, investments, savings, and yes even games of chance and Lotto! Oh and look for a surprise BOGO sale in December……….oh wait did I just say that out loud? ;)

TGIWednesday Download

~ HAVING HUMILITY ~ It is safe and comfortable for me to be humble.  I am ready, willing and able to express humility at just the right amount without being a martyr nor being egotistical.  I know when, where how and why in spirits time to allow spirit to drift, in, around and through me here and now.  I believe, think, know and feel that humility in all things will shine through whenever I am down or up.  I am asking for this feeling of being grounded while moving forward with grace and ease in all languages and throughout all time lines and so it is.  

Last Call for the $99 Special

Just 72 hours left to get the $99 deal & save the 50% on all 3 OR Buy them individually for $42 and save $15 on each. Share with it with friends and family and you'll have it for all the years and holidays to come. DEAL ENDS THIS FRIDAY AT MIDNIGHT!

You'll get all three (3) MyBeliefworks™ audios for $99! 1) Relieving Holiday Stress (over 100 clearings - $57 value) 2) Healing Family Relationships (over 100 clearings - $57 value) 3)Traveling w/Ease (over 100 clearings - $57 value) This triple audio MP3 bundle is designed to help you deal with the trifecta of stress this holiday! They're easy to download & play on your mobile device and can even be played in the background at the family gathering, airport, or shopping mall at low/no volume to change the energy for all.

Grab them now - just $99

For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of ALL clearing MP3s available. Find a topic that addresses your issue(s) & click on the link to read more. 

Abuse Addiction Body Scan: Head to Toe Daily GPS Reset Dark Energies/Fears Decision Making Diet & Exercise Education & Learning Family & Relatives Healing Physical Body Healing Mental Stress Holiday Stress

Increasing Intuition Love & Romance Money Mindset Moving Forward Pain Relief Pet Healing Sales & Success Sex Sleep Traveling w/Ease Work & Career Weight Loss

Fish Food 

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations  

NOVEMBER 28th - "Today I will let go and ignore crazy. Crazy will be someone else's dilemma or demise but not mine. I will stay the course and observe with humor and a smile all that is going on around me."

Live Shows and Replays

JIMMY MACK HEALING SHOW  Tuesdays at 9pm ET/ 6pm PT Call in LIVE (713) 955-0594

Imagine getting FREE intuitive messages and healings LIVE!  Well, it happens every week on my radio show with some of the best psychic readers & intuitive healers on the planet!  Tune in weekly for the FREE live show or replay and YOU will receive changes & healings just by listening!  To listen online, click the date links below. Listen Here to Yesterday's Replay - Special Guest Rev. Debbie Dienstbier Facebook page Our resident trans medium, communicating with your loved one’s (& pets) on the other side! UPCOMING SHOWS IN DECEMBER Listen Here December 4th - Special Guest Psychic Joanne Leo Astrology, Numerology, Angel Cards and ultimately Soul Readings www.psychicjoanneleo.com   Listen Here December 11th - Special Guest Darius Mills Psychic Medium readings LIVE. We’ll take your calls and answer questions!!! www.psychicmediumdarius.com   Listen Here December 18th - Special Guest Rev. Debbie Dienstbier  Facebook page Our resident trans medium, communicating with your loved one’s on the other side!   December 25th - Christmas - NO SHOW  

Browse the interview archives here.

Live In-Person Appearances

LIVE AT KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS TAMPA

Tampa Bay area locals can book a live session w/me WEDNESDAYS & FRIDAYS Check the available dates below. Call Kodawari's front desk directly to schedule (813) 773-4017 and pay at the concierge desk... 15 minutes 33$ or 30 minutes 65$. UPCOMING SCHEDULE 10-2pm: Wednesday:  Dec. 5th, 12th, 19th Friday:  Dec. 28th | Jan 4th  

3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa (813) 773-4017 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/  

LIVE AT SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH TAMPA  

Come see me Monday December 10th ​@ ​​Swann Holistic Health Solutions ​from 10am to 5pm at my good friend Charla Tempone's office in Tampa. Please call their office directly at (813) 873-7773  in order to get on the schedule for 15-minutes 33$ - 30-minutes 65$ 39 A DAVIS BLVD Tampa, FL http://www.ctholisticsolutions.com

From the Fish Box

"Hi Jimmy,it was great seeing you again, you are the best Christmas gift I could give myself, you are a true gift, thank you!" - R.R. / Florida  

Receive 24/7 Daily Prayers From Jimmy

"I love your prayer service!  I reached my financial goal in 2 weeks, my daughter is over the moon with her new official boyfriend and my son is loving college and successfully traveled home with no issues. My husband is a work in progress; your addiction audio will make a nice Christmas gift for him!" - C.T. / Florida   I will dial into you daily in the wee hours and make certain that you are a CLEAR YES, UNCLEAR to NO and RUNNING FORWARD before you start your day. You will send me a list of the members of your immediate household, and yes even pets, and I will add them to my daily prayers. I will arise daily before you are even awake to start my prayers and also run my intelligent computer software 24/7 deleting the negative and increasing the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of outcomes for you and the family.  Each comes with a one-time email analysis print out via the intelligent healing software that I use on your behalf.  Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes and I get emails like this one each and every week!

                     Choose 7 days @$33              Choose 14 days @$66           Choose 30 days @$99

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Fishing Mastery & Practitioner Certification

Level I is open for ANYONE TO JOIN at anytime!  

"I have found this to be a great modality.  I have for the first time got my husband and kids fishing daily.  I've learned Emotion Code, Body Code, dowsing, 3 levels of Yuen and some other bits and bobs I've played with.  I like how easy this is to take on the road.  I really appreciate your time and brilliance. Thank you." - D.T. / Kansas

The Certificate of Mastery Program includes 2 best-selling ebooks and 2 clearing audios plus written & video instructions, AND one-on-one time with Jimmy ALL for about the cost of a single 1-hr session! This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It includes "The Tackle Box" & "Spiritual Healing Techniques" ebooks PLUS 2 MP3s "Clearing Dark Energies" & "Increasing Your Intuition" to help clear, strengthen and prepare your energy field for optimal “fishing” results. This is a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH & CLEAR you at the same time! In under 2wks you will be finished with the program and ready to fish on your own with greater results!

Level II Practitioner Certification Course for those in the healing arts.

All members must first complete the Mastery Program then, if qualified, they can choose to move on to Level II where many advanced teachings & nuances are shared through the "Healing A-Z" book & includes 3 more clearing audios to help strengthen your business and finances. The exclusively written "The Practitioner's Handbook" is the cornerstone of the program & cannot be purchased individually.  It outlines some of the inner workings of how I handle my own practice including topics like; managing unrealistic expectations, having patience, pricing, time isn't always equal to outcomes or results, having limits, legal and ethical questions, advice on supplements, marketing, promotion, and sales, daily rituals for you and your clients/patients. The Level II course was designed and is dedicated to those who practice in the healing arts; Psychics, Healers, NP, AP, DOM, DO, MD, DC, Massage Therapists, Physical Therapists, RNs, Nurse Practitioners, PhDs, and Physician Assistants or currently practicing another modality, technique or method that includes natural healing in your home office or office setting, phone and or Skype.

LEARN MORE HERE

TGIFunny

NASA’s insight landing, returning the first images of Mars

Share

Tweet

Forward

+1

Pinterest

Jimmy Mack 727.678.0557​ EST | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session ​ ​​Transformational Healing of Body, Mind​ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!​ ​ Download the My Liquid Fish® Starter Kit Audio MP3 Downloads​ and books​ to improve your life! Get Certified in ​My Liquid Fish® Change Made Simple® Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for ​Supplements ​ http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyright ©1998-2018 All Rights Reserved  

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger | Digital Marketing Specialist | SMBeConnected Solutions Digital Marketing Solutions & Support for Conscious Entrepreneurs www.smbeconnected.com  

Stay connected!

  Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA

[maanospeaks]

Would You Pass The Job Test?

"Trust In The Lord!" This is a very common phrase in the house the Lord. 

                                I am sure you relate as much as I do. I have had many believers in Christ constantly saying these words. With this I refer to believers in all their categories and classifications. Whether it's a pastor or a prophet, a deacon or an evangelist, a singer or an intercessor, an usher or just an ordinary member of the congregation, the language is the same in theory. But can we really pass the test which Job went past?

                                The story of this great man's test is located in Job 1:12-19. This man's life one day took an unexpected turn, and he moved from a wealthy man to a poor man, from a family man with children and servants to having no one except his wife and the surviving servants who brought the bad news. Job did not know that God was putting him to a test. Having lost all livestock which was the major currency of the time, it means that he was so limited that he could not even have bought a cow for food at the burial of his children. Let alone buying one consolation cow to help him expect a new herd in a few years.

                              You may be asking yourself where I am going with this? That's true I would have wondered as well. Here is my point. Many people have come to be too successful to relate with poverty. Some of you have been so out of touch with the reality of poverty that the closest you have been to poverty is when you attend funerals or weddings when there has been plans made to accommodate you. I can safely bet that some of you would consider consuming poison to part with the living. Many people, if they were to find themselves in Job's situation, they would have been anxious, panicky and afraid. Some would have consulted sangomas, seers, fortune tellers, mediums, psychics, and in modern society, "prophets". Do you know why? This is because it is so easy to speak trusting God when you are in comfort especially when you have moved away from the poverty.

The following are some of the reasons at make people not to trust God

1. You may have used your own power/ energy to be where you are: Take a serious look at your life journey. Look at the things that you have or achieved, did you have to do something extra to get it. Did you have to a for someone's favour the process of gaining it? Was there money that you had to pay to activate your possession? Don't get me wrong here, I am not talking about whether you paid for your car or something like that. That's so obvious, If you own something, it must have been bought by the cash you have or loaned from the bank, that's not what I m talking about. I am talking about bribe. I am talking about having to show someone your thighs. I talking about having to offer sexual favours to someone who can press the buttons. I am talking about compromising your moral standing for a lifetime opportunity. I am talking about doing something that you would prefer to die before people know about it. I am talking about greasing someone's palms before getting something you have; a job, a business contract, etc. After such hard work, you would find it difficult to trust God because to you, God needs assistance. That is why you are preaching caution. The reason why you are cautious is because you know if you were to start from the scratch, you would not get back to where you are.

2. You are racing against time: I listen to may people when they are talking about the future, they speak with worry about whether there is still time or not. I believe there is always correlation between what you are destined to achieve with how long God is prepared to keep you on earth a believer. This is by no means encouragement for those who are lounging around as thought they don't have anything to live for. In Luke 12:21 (NLT) the scripture says; "Yes, a person I a fool to store up earthly wealth but not have a rich relationship with God." Don't race against time to amass physical wealth without fixing the relationship with God. The nature of earthly wealth is that when you stop breathing, that wealth becomes irrelevant and useless to you and only the relationship with God becomes the active one. It is with a strong relationship with God that you begin to trust Him. You cant trust someone you do not have a relationship with. It is the relationship with God that keeps you achieving things that you never thought of achieving. And these things are the ones that will make you live beyond your life on earth. A eat example set for us by our Lord Jesus who had only  disciples and a three year ministry which today, more than two thousand year later we are still talking about him. Don't race against time to accumulate possessions, fix this relationship so that you begin the process of walking the journey of trusting God. 3. You are operating outside of God's will: Proverbs 19:21 says; “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails”. You are left with no option but to understand that God, has a purpose for you. The God given purpose will always be accompanied by trusting the one who gave it. He is a faithful God who is true to His word. A person who is walking in God's will has no reason to panic. He is not afraid of any turbulence in what he is doing, because even if turbulence comes and he loses everything, the same will of God still prevail and that will establish him further again. Even the test like that of Job comes, he will still stand because it is the will of God that he is operating from. Operating in God's will makes room impartation to sustain the vision even in the absence of the vision bearer. Phillipians 2:12-13 “Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose” 

                                            Trusting God makes us to be peaceful when the turbulence of life threatens our comfort. It makes us to take decisions based on the whisper of the Holy Spirit. It does not need us to analyse the odd like we are in the stock market business. Trusting God makes be in true alignment with the Spirit of God. In his book, Mistakes leaders make, Dave Kraft identifies one of the mistakes as "prioritizing financial frugality over trusting God."

                                            It is not amazing that many churches and individuals are so worried about the times of church famine rather than being worried about the hunger of the poor right now while storing for what may not even happen in the next 10 years. Worst of all the church does not see anything wrong spending well over R100 000 on a one day church conference to sing and dance when some people are hungry within their proximity.

                                           As we move into 2018, it will do us good as believers to revisit our actions check if they really  in synch with our utterances. The three Hebrew young men Shadrack, Meshack  and Abednego trusted God when they were facing the Fury furnace (Daniel 3:25-27). Daniel trusted God for his deliverance when he refused to bow do to the statue of the king even after the law was passed for offenders to be thrown in the lion's den. .(Daniel 6:18-22). Stephen was spoke accused the Jewish leaders of persecuting the prophets like a mosquito in their ears. He spoke boldly when was aware that they had stones ready to take him out, but he trusted God, nevertheless. And they stoned him to death, for believing and trusting God. May God bless you as you ignite your zeal in Trusting God.