#i need to be taken to pound town like yesterday

[suashii]

i need a spinal adjustment and itoshi rin is the man to do it, come and hit it from behind sir

[aphrogeneias]

can we please hear more about rockstar!eddie and assistant!reader if you’re up to writing about them? how would she (and everyone else!) react when he dedicates a love song for her on stage? is he really obvious that it’s for her or does he try and be subtle for her sake and so rick etc don’t know?

author's note: a follow up to this valentine's blurb.

“You’re gonna want to see this.”

Dustin Henderson was one of a kind.

You had little time to reminisce as the boy pulled you by the hand through the narrow corridors behind the stage — but you remembered the day he joined the crew as if it were yesterday.

The funny thing was that, when you were officially introduced, that wasn't the first time you'd seen him. He'd been around a lot, sneaking out backstage after multiple shows, despite being dragged out by security every time. The guys liked him though, especially Eddie, who'd taken a liking to the smart mouthed boy.

Reminded him of someone he knew.

After a full run of midwestern cities and smaller venues across different towns, through Eddie’s approval and promise he'd look after him, Dustin joined the crew as a roadie. The kid seemed right at home in the midst of all the chaos, and though you worried about him, you knew they got his back.

Dustin was smart, and knew what he wanted. If life on the road was what he wanted, then you'd have let him have it. You also knew Eddie wouldn't let anything happen to him, in the same way he looked out for you.

Anyone who had Eddie Munson on their corner could consider themselves lucky.

“What's going on?” You laughed, completely out of nervousness. He was taking you down the path you knew led to the stage, and you wouldn't be needed there until the end of the concert. You'd been looking at some spare equipment, taking note of what needed to be replaced, when Dustin called for you.

“You'll see!” He looked back at you, his youthful smile a beacon. “C’mon.”

He pushed you up front until you stood at the side of the stage, where Rick was already waiting for you. Your boss nodded at you, a bored look in his eyes. Your heart felt like it would pound right out of your chest, sweaty hands grabbing onto your notebook.

“What's going on, Rick?”

“I know just as much as you, kid.” He said, unamused. “No fucking idea.”

The band had just finished the second third of their set, and as the crowd roared for more, Eddie — your boyfriend, in all his glory, glowing under the attention he soaked like a sponge — addressed them.

One of the roadies came from the other side, taking his loyal Warlock away, handing him his black acoustic guitar. The machine that slayed dragons.

He'd thanked them, first, before launching into an introduction. “Uh, this one is a new one. Straight from the next album, you'll be the first to hear it. A little slower than usual, I hope you crazy motherfuckers can forgive us for that.”

The crowd reacted with a cheer, regardless.

“If you can't, well, too fucking bad.” He'd laughed, earning a cackle from Jeff right beside him. He continued, then, unexpectedly. “This one's for you, you know who you are.”

Eddie looked to the side for just one second, meeting your eyes. His own were expectant, big and bright under the spotlights, while yours remained glued to him, too shocked to form a proper reaction.

With no time to lose, the band followed into the song. A ballad, for the very first time. The lyrics were ambiguous enough, not obviously romantic, but they hit you like a bullet.

You knew. He knew you, and you knew him. There was nothing else to be said.

You'd forgotten how to breathe. Midway through the song, trembling on your feet, you looked back at Dustin, and he sheepishly looked back.

You whispered, “Did he put you to that?”

He nodded. “You're welcome.”

[fantisyoflove]

more neville works please!! love the way you portray him <3

*fans face dramatically* phew don't freak out don't freak out.

Thank you so much and yes of course!

Neville had taken off his shoes and socks by the tree roots. He had taken to hiding them under the roots because some people thought it was funny to take his things and hide them or chuck them into the black lake. He could not handle another howler from his gran if he had to write home asking for another pair of shoes! He rolled his pant legs up past his knees and wadded into the waters edge.

It was cold, especially in the shade of the trees, but he didn't mind even if his wand wouldn't cast a proper warming charm for him. One day he was going to save enough money to get his own wand. Having his dad's was nice but it didn't answer to him worth a lick of salt.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed while he was searching along the shore line for elderberries as well as taking note of the other local flora and fauna.

You carried a small bag and two of the texts Professor Sprout had suggested to you down to the lake to join Neville. He didn't even look up as you set your things down and began taking off your own shoes and stocking. Finally as the water rippled around him he glanced up to see you. A confused look was quickly replaced with pure joy.

"Y/N! You came!"

"Well of course I did! Did you think I wouldn't?"

Neville got a funny look on his face, "well no I just... you know.. I wasn't.. not that you don't" he was sputtering as you wadded as gracefully as you could to his side. You reach out and touch his hand giving it a squeeze.

"I like spending time with you Neville and I really like plants too! I will always be up for going with you." You give him a soft smile and he returns it sheepishly. The pink tint to his cheeks stands out even in the shadows.

"I brought tea and that book Sprout was talking about. I figured we could picnic and look at it after this."

Neville nodded tucking his wand behind his ear. "That sounds lovely. I already found some of the plants Sprout was talking about during class yesterday. I wanted to see which ones could be transplanted and still survive."

"Brillant! Do you have some jars?"

"Under the tree roots"

"Perfect, let's get started." You shivered again against the cold water and cast a warming charm over yourself and Neville. His head jerked up at the sudden warmth but you had already turned away and didn't get to see the flush of his cheeks spread to his ears and the adorable grin he had for the rest of the morning.

{}

The sun was high in the sky when you both decided to call it quits. You had helped Neville fill 6 jars with different plants and shrink them down for him to bring back to the castle.

You had been practicing your extending charms and managed to fit a whole blanket into your small bag along with tea for both of you.

You handed over the copy of the book you brought for Neville.

"The library had two copies?" He asked as he starts to skim through the pages.

"Oh umm.. no not exactly. I couldn't find it at the library so I went into town and got them."

Neville baulked at that. "Y/N you didn't need to buy me the book. I could have just waited for it to be returned to the library or just ...."

"Nope. Think of it as a late birthday gift. I won't accept anything else."

Neville hung his head suddenly overwhelmed. The book felt like it weighed a thousand pounds and he could barely hold onto it. His mind was racing. You bought him a book. You bought him the same book you bought yourself. You bought two books so you both would have one.

"Neville?" You reach out and touch his cheek drawing his face up to look at you.

"Thank you." He says so softly. You scoot closer so you are leaning into his side and open your book in your lap.

He stiffens at first, nobody has ever been this close to him before, but his body starts to relax into the touch. He tentatively leans back against you and opens his own book to read. The warmth from your body heats something deep in his chest and his body realises how truly touch starved he is.

He could definitely get use to this.

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

Before I Go chapter 3

Note: final chapter! Follow up to chapter 1 & chapter 2.

Warnings: angst/fluff, mention of death.

pairing: Sihtric x you (f)

summary: You went looking for your husband.

wordcount: 2k 

Masterlist

You had lost count of how many sunrises it had been since you had last kissed Sihtric. You hadn't received any news from him nor his whereabouts, and the only thing you caught wind of after some time was that Bebbanburg had been sacked, and related to that event many people had died after they had been trapped in a cave, or something like that. It had caused grave dread in your heart, as you had no idea if your husband was still alive at this very moment. 

And so you prepared yourself to travel to Bebbanburg, in the hopes to find out more about what had happened and, most importantly, to find your husband. Your heart was pounding out of your chest as you travelled on horseback, alone in the night, like a fool. You knew Sihtric would be furious if he found out that his lady, the Lady of Dunholm nonetheless, was crossing the lands on her own and risking her life in order to reach him. But if you and your husband had anything in common, it was being reckless and impulsive at times, as well as doing whatever it may take to reach each other.

You arrived at Bebbanburg after a day's travel and found the town trashed and rather deserted. Those who had survived the attack and had not been injured were slowly cleaning up the ravage that had been left. You looked around and quickly realised you saw no one you recognised. But the people surely recognised you as Sihtric's lady, and they were fast to approach you.

'Have you come to aid us?' an elderly woman asked and hope glimmered in her eyes.

You looked around again, confused and terrified, because where was Uhtred? Where was Finan? Or Ingrith? And where was your husband? Why weren't they here, rebuilding the town?

'There has been a battle,' an old man said, noticing your concerned and puzzled eyes, 'the battle of Bebbanburg.'

'When was this?'

'A few days ago, my lady,' the man answered, 'we heard we won, but… the men have yet to return.'

You felt your heart sink when no one knew where exactly the battle had taken place. If the battle had been days ago and the warband still hadn't returned, it either meant there were no survivors after all, or the battle had occurred far away from Bebbanburg, and who knows how many wounded warriors would not survive the journey back home, which could include your own husband.

You found shelter inside the castle. Whatever was left of food and drinks was provided to you by the maids who had survived, and one of them was able to tell you that she had seen your husband alive and well, together with Uhtred, Finan and Ingrith, just before the men left for battle. You were told about the Lady Eadgifu and that she was also residing in the castle, but you decided to not go and find her. You were exhausted from your journey, as well as the constant worrying about your husband and your friends, you simply needed to rest before you would do anything rash. Such as climbing on your horse again and searching for your husband without knowing where to start. You needed rest. And a restless night it was.

You were woken up from your slumber the following morning when you heard some cheers erupt outside the castle. Surprised you had managed to sleep at all, you got dressed as quickly as you could and ran outside, towards the commotion. You climbed up on a wooden crate, as more people had gathered outside than you had seen yesterday during your arrival, and you tried to catch a glimpse of what was worth cheering for. 

You held your breath when you realised this had to be the warband that had survived the battle, and everything around you silenced as your blood roared in your ears, and your heart seemed to stop when you suddenly saw Finan. The Irishman was the only one you recognised amongst the men who returned, and he looked distraught. His face was pale with dark circles around his eyes and he overall looked exhausted. A panic began to creep up on you and you felt nailed to the ground when you didn't see Uhtred nor Sihtric, only Finan's traumatised face as he dismounted his horse. 

You forced yourself to climb down the crate you were on and dragged your heavy feet towards Finan, who suddenly looked at you from across the town's square and froze upon seeing you. He shook his head lightly and turned his back towards you, then slumped down on the ground where he sat with his head in his hands. You were already crying, which you only noticed when you tried to get closer to him but your vision became blurred. It felt as if you were barely able to move forward, like a nightmare in which you desperately try to run but an invisible force seems to hold you back and slow you down.

But before you could reach Finan, you suddenly felt two arms gripping you tightly, wrapping around your waist. You were too numbed by your own grief to fight whoever had grabbed you, not a single sound left your mouth as you searched for the strength to scream, and you simply allowed those arms to lift you up and pull you aside. You were turned around by whoever had grabbed you, and as you blinked away your tears you suddenly stared up at the familiar, slightly scarred face you had woken up next to for most of your life. 

Sihtric grabbed your face with his trembling hands and he looked down at you with big and wild eyes, his face pale and almost as exhausted as Finan had looked.

'I… I,' you stammered, eyes wide as if you were looking at a ghost 'I thought you were-'

Before you could continue you were silenced by your husband as he pulled your face towards his to capture you in a desperate kiss, his fingers almost bruising your cheeks, terrified to let go of you to discover you weren't really there. You had no time to even grasp what happened, and before you could kiss Sihtric back, he already stepped back and looked at you again, his trembling hands lightly touching your face all over while his empty eyes darted all over you, and then he suddenly began to cry. 

He pulled you in his arms again and held you tightly, almost to the point of suffocating you while he let his emotions run freely and without shame. You were too stunned to comprehend the situation, and you couldn't remember you had ever seen your husband cry like this. All you could do was wrap your arms around him, after which you both fell down to your knees.

'What… what happened?' you managed to ask, 'Uhtred?'

'Uhtred is wounded,' Sihtric whispered through his tears, 'gravely.'

'And… Finan? He looked-'

'She… she died. Ingrith… she… he- he lost her-' 

You watched your husband gasp for air as his breath hitched, and you held onto him for dear life.

'I'm never leaving you again,' Sihtric cried as he held you, 'I promise.'

After making sure your husband would eat something and drink some fresh water, you prepared a bath for him. He had cleaned up after the battle already, no war traces left except for the wounds and bruises he had earned whilst fighting, but you knew a warm bath would give him back the colour in his face which he had left on the battlefield. And your husband wouldn't be your husband if he didn't ask you to join him in the water, so you did, wanting nothing more than to be close to one another, and you sat between his thighs with your back pressed against his chest and your head leaning back on his shoulder. You sat in silence for a vast moment, you knew that when Sihtric was ready to talk, he would. But until then he was quiet, slowly tracing his fingertips across your bare skin, and you heard him choke up numerous times while he did.

'Tell me,' Sihtric whispered in your ear eventually, his voice unsteady.

'I love you,' you answered.

'Forever?'

'Forever.'

'Tell me again,' his voice finally broke.

You carefully turned around to face him, and you wiped the tears that rolled down his scarred and bruised cheeks.

'I love you,' you whispered, 'forever.'

Sihtric swallowed hard and he took your chin. 'Again,' he pleaded as much as he commanded.

'I love y-' you were silenced with a sudden kiss, and you felt his lower lip tremble as his lips were pressed against yours.

The salt of his tears seeped through, into your mouth, while you kissed each other desperately, as if it was the last moment you would ever have together, and you hushed your husband once his entire body trembled in your arms and his eyes were hurting from crying.

Once calmed down and wrapped in furs, Sihtric told you everything that had happened from the moment he left you in Dunholm. He told you about how Uhtred was banished and how he and Finan had been lured to Uhtred afterwards, only to come back to Bebbanburg and find it raided. You listened with horror to the story of how they struggled to open the sealed cave and found all the townspeople inside dead, and that amongst them was Finan's wife. And your husband wept as he pressed you tightly against his chest, telling you how finding Ingrith was a turning point and made him realise that if he were to survive the battle, he would never leave you again.

'Never,' he said over and over again, 'I'm never leaving you again.'

He then went on to tell you about the battle itself, and how tough it had been. He told you how had been hurt and had fallen down, and he thought that surely that must have been his death, but he managed to fight back and live to see another day while he watched so many others lose their lives. And lastly he told you about Uhtred, how he had fought bravely and would need serious time to recover from his wounds, and how the three of them had agreed that this was their last battle, for it had been too hard and they all realised during the fight that they were not as fast anymore as the younger warriors were. Battles were becoming too risky, and it had become a risk Sihtric did not want to take anymore.

And you both laid there, on the floor of a temporary bedroom in Bebbanburg in front of a burning hearth, naked and wrapped in furs, arms around each other and legs tangled together as you tried to take his entire story in while you could see the stress leave your husband's face as time passed. And after a while, a small smile began to tug at his lips again while his mismatched eyes slowly regained their spark as he looked at you.

'Tell me again,' Sihtric whispered, smiling softly while the tip of your noses touched.

'If you promise me to never go to battle again,' you said.

'This time I promise it.'

'Finally accepting that you are not that young anymore, my love?' you couldn't help but grin slightly.

'No, never,' he chuckled and nuzzled your nose, 'you keep me young, darling, in many ways,' he murmured and kissed your lips, but then became serious again, 'but… it was close this time. I managed to kill the man before he could kill me, but,' he sighed, 'after everything… everything that happened with Finan and Ingrith… I just don't want to leave your side anymore.'

'Promise?'

'I promise. Now… tell me again.'

'I love you,' you kissed him and smiled against his lips.

'Mhm,' he hummed, 'again.'

'I love you,' you giggled, almost shyly when you finally fully recognised your husband again in the man who held you in his arms, 'forever.'

'Forever,' Sihtric smiled and kissed you sweetly.

And you made seemingly endless love throughout the night, until morning came and you travelled back home together, to Dunholm.

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[anniemika]

Lost and Found

Eren Jaeger x Female Reader

Chapter 11: Consequences

Chapter summary: Realizing the damage he’s caused, Eren learns about the life he has missed out on and tries to reflect on his mistakes, with a few bumps accompanying him along the way.

Chapter warnings: explicit language, aggression, mentions of blood

Words: 4.4k

Chapter 1 Chapter 3

…..

That night, Eren couldn't sleep. All he could think about was you and the encounter you two had the day before. Well, not that he spent his time thinking about much else before, but now he found someone else nestled inside his mind.. Lily. He tried to focus on a song he’d been writing for some time, go to the gym, do anything to distract himself. But no matter what he did, his mind kept coming back to the two of you.

When morning came, he realized he couldn't take it anymore. He had to see you again, talk to you, find out if what he’d been wondering about was true. He knew that it was a risk, that you might not want to see him, but he had to try. He couldn’t just go straight to your house, though. He didn’t even know if you lived there anymore.

But anyway, who would tell him anything about you? He was sure that many people were aware of what happened all those years ago, the whole ugliness of it. It wasn’t a big town, and there was no way anyone would tell him any kind of information regarding you. People loved you, and he was sure no one gave jack shit about him.

The only person that could tell him anything was his dad, although he didn’t know if you kept in touch with him after all that had happened. Nevertheless, he was going to ask.

He knew that Grisha was at work at the hospital, but he couldn’t wait a minute longer. He dialed his father’s number while nervously pacing around in his hotel room.

The moment he picked up, Eren was on it, “Hey, dad. Listen, sorry to call you at work, but I need a favor to ask.”

“Okay,” his father said, a little taken aback by the urgency in his son’s voice, “What is it?”

“I saw Y/n yesterday.”

His father went quiet, and Eren knew why. He couldn’t even imagine the shame his dad must’ve felt when it all happened.

“And I know you probably think that I shouldn’t bother her, but I really need to just talk to her. To at least have the chance to apologise properly.”

Grisha stayed silent for a little while. But then, much to Eren’s surpirse, “I think that’s a good idea.”

The younger man furrowed his brows in confusion, not expecting his father to agree so easily, “Really?”

“Yes, really. She owns a flower shop downtown. It’s on Saint John’s street, first corner on the right. It closes around 6p.m.”

Eren couldn’t believe his father was actually supporting him in this. He quickly grabbed a pen and a piece of paper to write the address on it, “Thanks, dad. I really appreciate it.”

“Be gentle with her, Eren. It’s the least you could do. That girl has gone through a lot.”

Eden nodded, even though his father couldn’t see him, “I will, I promise. Thanks again.”

In a flash, he put his phone inside his leather jacket, put his black combat boots on, tied his hair in a messy bun, and went out the door. He knew that it was probably best not to disturb you at work, but how could Eren explain to you that waiting would drive him completely nuts? How could he explain that he’d been waiting for so long, his body wouldn’t allow another minute to pass by without him taking action? His heart pounded like it wanted to jump out of his rib cage as he drove like a complete madman, acting on pure adrenaline. He knew he had to calm down before meeting you, but the emotions he felt were just too strong to hold down.

After he parked his car down the street from the given address, his eyes went to a periwinkle sign a few meters from where he was standing. “Lily’s flowers”, it read in elegant cursive writing, that drew a tiny smile across his face.

Eren couldn't believe he was actually doing this. Facing his past was something so distant before, like a dream that was never going to happen, even though he desperately wanted it too. But now, as he stood outside the shop, there was a glimmer of hope blooming inside his heart.

He took another deep breath and pushed the door open. The sweet scent of roses and lilies filled his senses as he looked around your workplace with awe. The shop was small, but cozy, with colorful bouquets arranged in vases on every surface. The walls, adorned with beautiful floral paintings, added to the ambience of the shop. They were painted in soft pastel shades, providing a soothing backdrop for the vibrant colours of the flowers. It was breathtaking.

And then, behind the counter, arranging a colourful bouquet, were you. Dressed in a simple white tee and a floral apron, you were still too beautiful to be true.

“Good morning, how can I help yo-“, when you brought your head up and saw him standing before you, your mouth fell slack.

"Hi," Eren spoke, his voice low and unsure.

He saw your face go through a few different emotions in the span of seconds, first surprise, then a mix of nervousness and vexation, "What are you doing here?"

Eren took a step closer to you, but he didn't know what to say. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Suddenly, a child’s giggle was heard and Lily appeared from behind you, holding a pretty flower in her hand. She ran in front of the counter, almost bumping into Eren’s leg.

"Mommy, look! It's the man from the grocery store!", the little girl exclaimed, pointing her tiny finger at him.

Eren looked down at her, a knot tying inside his throat. Now that he could really see her up close, it was undeniable. Her brown hair, her eyebrows, her radiant teal eyes.. the signs were all there, "Hi there. Lily was it?”

"Mhm!," she replied with a smile.

Eren knelt down next to her level,

“You’re as pretty as a lily, Lily.”

She let out the cutest little giggle, “That’s what my mom tells me.”

"Lily, honey, why don't you go outside and play for a bit?" You said, visibly trying to compose yourself.

“Okay. Bye.” She waved her hand at Eren, but before she could go, he stopped her.

“Just a second, Lily.” The little girl turned back to him, her eyes wide with curiosity, “How old are you?”

“I'm six and a half, but all my classmates tell me that I look smaller, and that really annoys me!”

Eren’s smile disappeared. Six and a half.. which meant-

“Go on and play, honey.” You pressed on, voice trembling.

Lily nodded and ran outside, leaving Eren alone with you and the silence.

When he rose from his position, his eyes turned to you, and when he saw the way you avoided his gaze, with tears brimming your eyes, he just knew.

"Why are you here, Eren?"

"I...I wanted to see you. I've been thinking about you a lot lately," he said, his voice barely a whisper.

“Oh,” he could hear the lump inside your throat from trying to fight the tears, “how nice of you.”

Eren cautiously moved closer to the counter,

“Do you think we could perhaps.. talk?”

Your hands were shaking, and you just hoped he wasn’t near enough so he could see them.

"Eren.. I really don’t know how you have the nerve to come here after everything.” You always knew that seeing him again would stir up old feelings that you had buried deep down, but this was too much.

Eren felt like he could let the whole world swallow him, "I.. I know."

You shared a look with him. Seeing those eyes again was like diving into a pool of memories, each one flooding back with a force that made your heart ache.

“Y/n, I'm so sorry-”

“No.” You’re quick to silence his attempt, “No, no, you can't do this right now. I'm working.”

“Please, just.. Just give me 2 minutes-”

“Two minutes!?” You raised your voice, hot tears threatening to spill again, “Two minutes.. Is that going to sum up years of.. of-”, the frustration you felt couldn’t be described with words. You were helpless, and at the same time, desperately trying to find the words. You hated how weak you looked right now.

Turning around, you tried to distract yourself by fixing the stems of a few red roses, “You should go.”

Eren didn’t know what to do. On one hand, the last thing he wanted was to upset you this much. On the other.. he needed to ask. If he didn’t do it right now, he’d probably go insane.

“Y/n..”, he said your name cautiously, “Lily.. Is she mine?”

You froze in place. You couldn’t bare to look at his face right now, or you’d probably faint, “What?”

“I'm sorry, I just really need to know. Please.” Eren thought he could go into cardiac arrest soon, “Is she mine?”

Silence fell like a heavy weight, suffocating, as if the air had been sucked out of the room, leaving a vacuum of soundlessness that pressed down on you both.

And then, with your back still turned against him, you spoke quietly, “I think you already know the answer to that.”

Seconds turn into hours, each passing moment feeling like an eternity. It was true. Hearing it from you just cemented it in stone. Lily was his.

Before Eren could open his mouth to say something, a doorbell ring was heard throughout the shop.

“Good morning!” An elderly woman greeted.

“G-good morning!” You swiftly wiped your eyes, before turning and sending a final look his way, “You have a nice day, sir.”

Eren stood there, staring at you helplessly. He knew he had to leave, but god help him, that was the last thing he wanted to do. All he wanted was to just whisk you away and talk, tell you how fucking sorry he was, how much of a piece of shit he was.

But he knew that wasn't possible right now. You were at work, and he knew he’d made it hard enough as it was. He had to go.

With a heavy heart, he turned to leave, emotions threatening to overwhelm him as he walked away. When he reached the door, he turned back to steal one last glance of you. You were talking to the older woman, happily showing her different kinds of flowers, like the previous conversation never happened.

The thought of you putting on a brave face and hiding your pain from the world, and him knowing he was the reason for that, made his heart sink with much earned guilt.

…..

Eren replayed your conversation in his mind throughout the whole day.

Over, and over, and over again.

“I think you already know the answer to that.”

He wanted to punch a wall. Or better yet, himself.

He could only imagine the hardships you must’ve gone through, raising a child alone at nineteen years old, while he was touring and drinking and living his life. A life that was definitely not worth living. Not knowing that you were pregnant.. not knowing just how much you needed him. Thinking that leaving you was the best option for you both.

Hatred. That was the feeling Eren felt for himself.

Maybe it was for the best. Maybe you’d realized that Lily didn’t need a person like him in her life. A fucking failure of a person.

Lily…

She was so beautiful. And she looked so much like him, it was insane. But her smile.. her smile was yours. So infectious, it lit up the entire room and filled his heart with warmth. Just like you did.

Eren wondered if you were ever going to smile at him like that again.

He buried his face in his hands as he laid on the uncomfortable hotel mattress. His eyes were hot with tears, and he bit his lip in an attempt to stop a sob from escaping.

What the hell was he going to do?

“Fuck you, Eren.” He cursed audibly. He needed someone to scream at him, and he needed that person to be you. He wanted you to let out all the anger and frustration he knew you were feeling towards him. He longed to hear you yell at him, to let him know just how much he had hurt you. The need to take it all in was enormous, to feel the weight of his mistakes and the suffering he had caused. Knowing it wouldn’t be easy, he was ready to face it all if it meant that there was a slight chance he could still make things right with you and Lily.

The beeping of his phone interrupted his thoughts, and he reluctantly pulled his attention away from his inner turmoil to check the notification. It was his dad. He was inviting him to dinner.

As much as Eren wanted to get a bottle of whiskey and just drawn himself in his sorrows, he knew he needed to tell Grisha what happened. He needed to tell him that he had a granddaughter, who was living just mere minutes away from him.

As he drove to his father’s house, his mind was spinning with all the possible outcomes of the impending conversation. Would his father be angry? Would he be happy? Would he even believe him? Or.. did he know already? No. He would’ve told him. There was no way he would keep that kind of information from him.

As he came closer to his old home, his anxiety only grew, but he knew that he had to push it through.

Finally, when he saw the white picket fence his father and him painted all those years ago, he inhaled deeply, and walked to the front door. Before he could knock, his father had already opened it.

“Eren,” Grisha said, a little surprised, “that was fast.”

Eren clenched his sweaty palms, “Dad, we need to talk.”

His father nodded, “We sure do.”

…..

“Made your mother’s favourite,” Grisha told his son while holding a ceramic dish with his oven mittens, positioning it at the center of the dining table. But that comment fell on deaf ears. Eren’s foot was bouncing nervously under the table, while his mind was preoccupied with how best to serve the news. With the intent to calm his nerves down, he tried to focus on the present moment.

“That looks delicious, dad.” He said, trying to sound casual, “Thanks.”

Grisha gave his son a small smile, but he could tell that something had happened today. It was written all over his face.

After plating the food, his father finally took a seat. He then positioned both elbows on the table, looking Eren straight in the eyes.

“So.. how’d it go?”

This was it. He had to tell him now.

Eren fixed his posture before clearing his throat, “Dad, I.. I have something to tell you.”

Grisha didn’t speak, hiding the lower part of his face in his hands.

“Y/n, she.. she has a kid. I suppose you already know that. I met her today.” His fingers were trembling, “Dad, that kid.. she’s mine. That’s-“, he cleared his throat again, already fighting back tears, “That’s my daughter.”

The older man’s face was unreadable, which made Eren’s heart pump even more rapidly. Bracing himself for his reaction, he watched as the older man lowered his hands, revealing an impassive expression.

“She has your mother’s eyes, don’t you think?”

The words sank in the younger man’s years, but his mind couldn’t grasp them.

And then, it dawned on him.

“Wait-“, his mouth became dry, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

His father turned his eyes on the meal in front of him, mixing it around with his fork.

“So.. you knew.” Eren’s disappointment was painted all over his face and voice.

After taking a bite of his food, Grisha looked up at his son, “Of course I knew.”

Eren’s confusion bubbled up like a boiling pot of water that was dangerously close from spilling. He couldn’t fathom how his father wouldn’t tell him as soon as he first saw him. As if there was anything more important than telling him he had a whole kid.

“Why.. why the hell didn’t you tell me?” His voice raised with every word.

“Do not curse at me, boy.” Grisha’s tone turned stern as he laid his fork beside his meal, his dark eyes fixed on his son, “You think we didn’t try to tell you? You think we didn’t blow your phone up? Guess what, you never picked up. And then,”, his voice grew quiet, “when she was born, I drove to one of your concerts. Nobody believed I was your father, but I somehow managed to persuade one of the bouncers to let me see you.”

Eren’s heart skipped beat after beat, failing to remember any of what his father was telling him.

“You told me to go away. I don’t think you could even comprehend what I was telling you. I don’t know what you were on.. but the guy I saw in that dressing room wasn’t my son.” The finality of Grisha’s words felt like a knife being stabbed inside his son’s heart, “Lily deserved better than that guy.”

The shame Eren felt was overwhelming. The need to let his anger out was so immense, his whole body began to shake. Without saying another word, he stormed out of the dining room, grabbed his keys, and left the house.

When he got inside his car, his fist repeatedly slammed against the stirring wheel.

“Fuck!”

After all this, he knew what he needed. A drink, and he needed it bad.

…..

The building of the old bar was aged and weathered, with a peeling paint and a faded sign that read “The Dusty Boot”. The windows were grimy and the door creaked as Eren pushed it open.

Inside, the room was dimly lit, and smelled of stale beer and cigarettes. The walls were lined with old photographs and memorabilia from the town’s glory days, while the bar itself was made of dark wood and looked scarred from years of use.

Still, it felt like home.

Eren sat down on one of the stools, the weight of today’s emotions pressing down on him hard. His head hurt, and he was tired, more tired than spending a whole day on stage. The bartender, an old man with a bushy white beard he remembered from years ago, approached him.

“What can I get ya, son?” He asked while his hands were busy wiping a pint glass with a cloth.

“Just a beer.”

The old man nodded and pulled out a cold bottle of beer from the fridge. He popped the cap off and placed it in front of Eren, “Tough day?”

Nodding once, he took a sip of the cold liquid. The man seemed to understand, so he just continued cleaning glasses, occasionally glancing over at him. The bar was quiet, with only a few patrons scattered around the room. Hushed old country music played in the background, adding to the calm atmosphere.

Eren drank beer after beer, trying to rid himself of some of the guilt he felt, even if only for a little bit. After a few rounds, he understood that it was a task impossible. His thoughts were like little needles prickling at his heart and brain, and the alcohol he consumed only seemed to magnify them.

He thought.. He though about so many things, and they all concerned you. He wondered about what had gone on right after he left you. How alone you must’ve felt, how betrayed. He thought about his dad, and how helpless he must’ve been, knowing you were suffering because of his son. He cursed himself inwardly for storming off earlier, but had he stayed, he would’ve probably said things he didn’t mean. Let anger out that wasn’t directed at anyone else but himself. Anger that only he deserved.

“Hey, aren’t you the singer from that band?” The bartender asked after some time, pulling Eren from his somber thoughts. Great. That was all he needed right now. Usually, he didn’t mind people asking him about his career, but tonight he was hoping to stay unbothered. “Yes you are. Eren Jaeger, was it?” The old man continued, “Grisha Jaeger’s son. Been a long time since I’ve seen you hang around here.”

“Been a long time since I’ve been home.” Eren replied, keeping his tone neutral.

“My daughter, she’s sixteen-“, the bartender continued, much to Eren’s dismay, “she’s a big fan of yours. She’d be so stoked if she knew you were here.”

Eren managed a small smile. “That’s nice to hear.”

“Hey, uh..”, the man reluctantly began, catching onto Eren’s reluctance to talk about his fame, “do you think maybe you could sign an autograph for her? If it’s not much trouble.”

Eren hesitated for a moment, but before he could agree, a voice was heard from somewhere behind him, “Now, are you sure your daughter needs an autograph from a man like him, chief?”

Eren became rooted in place as he recognised the voice of the man who was now standing inches beside him. A man with whom he once shared a friendship.

“Well, well”, there was amusement, but also hostility in his tone, “look what the cat dragged in.”

Eren swallowed another sip of his beer, then, without having much option, turned to inspect the man the voice belonged to.

Jean Kirstein. He was different than Eren’s last memories. Tall as ever, his ashy-brown hair was now slicked back and at his nape. He had a bit of a goatee, but still the same annoying smirk that Eren remembered all too well. It was a smirk that conveyed both confidence and arrogance, as if he knew something that Eren didn’t.

“Jean,” the green-eyed man nodded in greeting before turning back to his drink.

“Eren. Long time no see.” Jean sat on the stool next to him, ordering a drink of his own. “I heard you’d come back a few days ago.”

“Yeah?” Eren kept his tone casual, but guarded.

“It’s a small town. Didn’t believe it at first.” He could see Jean take a swig of his drink with the corner of his eye, “I thought “What would the great Eren Jaeger be caught doing in a place like this?” A place he so desperately wanted to run away from.”

Eren’s grip on his beer tightened, body tensing. Despite all the alcohol in his system, he managed to keep his cool, replying curtly, “I came back for personal reasons.”

Jean raised an eyebrow, ““Personal reasons?”” A patronising laugh filled the space between them, “That’s not like you. You always seemed to be running away from something.”

At that sentence, Eren shot him a sharp look. His nerves were already heightened enough today, “I’m not running away from anything.”

“Sure you’re not.” Jean brought his glass to his mouth before saying, “There probably isn’t a pregnant girl to run away from now.”

It happened in a second. Eren’s fists curled around Jean’s shirt, his stool on the ground.

His emerald eyes blazed with fury as he pulled Jean towards him, their faces inches apart. "Don't you fucking dare," he growled, "You have no idea what you're talking about."

“Hey, hey, now calm down boys!” The old barman shouted, bringing his hands in the air, “This ain’t no place for this.”

Jean's smirk disappeared as he registered the intensity in Eren's eyes. He tried to push him away, but his grip was too strong. "Let go of me, Jaeger.”

Eren's grip tightened even more, his knuckles turning white. "You don't get to bring her up like that," he gritted through his teeth.

“Oh, did you finally remember she existed?”

The final button had been pushed. Eren’s fist landed on Jean’s face with a loud thud, causing him to stumble backwards and fall off his stool. The other men in the bar gasped and murmured, some of them getting up to leave, others standing to get a better look at what was happening.

The barman rushed over to the two men, trying to separate them. "That's enough, boys! Take it outside if you have to, but not in here!"

Eren was heaving with anger, anger so radiant, it was like steam coming off of his body. His eyes were still fixed on Jean, who was now holding his bleeding nose. For a moment, the two men just glared at each other, until the taller one stood up from the ground, trying to regain his composure. Straightening his collar, he looked at the blood on his hand, a provoking smirk crossing his lips.

“You can still pack a punch, I’ll give you that.”

“Okay, you go now, come on.” The bartender tapped Eren on the shoulder, “we don’t condone that kind of behavior around here.”

“It’s alright, chief,” Jean put his hand in the air as a sign of protest, “It was my fault. I’ll be the one to leave.”

Eren’s fists were clenched so hard, his veins were visible. His head was spinning from the mix of the alcohol and the adrenaline the whole encounter brought. As he watched Jean pull out his wallet to pay for his drink, he tried to calm himself down by taking a deep breath and unclenching his fists.

“Oh.. one more thing.”

Sharp pain was felt throughout his whole left side, most notably in his eye. Eren hit the ground, his hand flying to his temple, which was now throbbing uncontrollably. His vision was blurry, the pain quickly traveling to his whole head.

“That was for her, you piece of shit.” Jean spat before he turned around to leave.

Eren tried to get up, but the pain was too severe, and the beers he’d drunk didn’t make it any easier.

It became all blurry after that. The last thing he heard were the bartender’s and his father’s muffled voices, and then a car engine starting.

But the last thing he saw before he closed his eyes.. was Lily.

And you.

And as much of a drunken fool as he was, that night, he still fell asleep with a smile on his face.

…..

A/N: Hi🥹 I can’t express to you how happy I am that there is interest in this story. This chapter was a little tough to write and I hope I did it justice as much as I could. I’m going to try and post a chapter every week or two, so stay tuned!

Ps: if you want to be tagged, just say so<3 reblogs are deeply appreciated.

Tag list:

@vlsquuu @love-is-sick @shima707 @6sakusa @p4lli @intimacywithcelestine @docufanfic @jaegersdiary @xcelestina @fvckingeetar @theforest @roronoazorosbxtchh @hannaburnout

[bingbongsupremacy]

Don't Let Me Go

Pairing: Ellie Williams x reader

Warnings: I can't think of any, lmk if I missed one.

Summary: After a near death experience, you're afraid for Ellie to leave you alone.

*Not Proof Read*

Kinda short

ABC List TLOU Masterlist

*****

" Drink so water, please, Y/N. " Ellie's voice is laced with concern.

" I'm okay. " I mutter, burrowing further into Ellie's sheets. The familiar scent of her fills my nostrils, calming me slightly.

I hear Ellie sigh behind me. She gently sets the cup down on the night stand. I feel her warm hand gently brush a strand of hair out of my face. " I'm leaving it here, alright? You need to drink and eat something before I come back. Please, Y/N. I left you some food on the desk. "

My eyes widen, a burst of fear pounding in my heart. I sit up, grabbing onto her wrist. " Don't leave me, please, Ellie. Please don't. " Tears sting the back of my eyes. My throat is hoarse form lack of water.

I just don't want her to leave. What if something happens? What if they break into here...We have no idea where those thieves ended up...

Flashes of yesterday play through my mind. The guns pointed directly at our faces, sinister grins playing on the mens' faces.

We had no idea they were waiting for us, that they had been watching us for days. It was just supposed to be another day on patrol. No one was supposed to get hurt.

My first memories came from inside Jackson. My parents did their best to shield me from the horrors of the outside world. Working on patrol opened my eyes to so many horrors. So many dangers.

I'd heard of clickers before going on patrol, but I'd never seen them before. Only sketches.

I'd heard of bandits and thieves wandering across our land. None of them have ever made it into Jackson before. They're usually pretty well taken care of and not much is mentioned about them after. I'd never delt with one in person before, let alone 5.

Honestly, I have no idea how Ellie and I made it out alive yesterday. They were so ready to shoot us, their fingers centimeters away from the triggers.

They already killed Robbie.

All they wanted was our supplies, thankfully. That doesn't do much to ease the fear in my stomach. What if they had wanted more? What if they had hurt us?

If Joel and Tommy hadn't come out looking for us we would've been dead, no doubt about it. The small town surrounding the barn the thieves held us hostage in was infested with clickers. There was no way we could've made it out without weapons or a horse.

" Y/N, I have patrol..." Ellie says with sympathy.

How is she so unbothered by what happened yesterday? It's as if our lives weren't at stake. Like nothing really happened.

Quiet tears slip out of my eyes. " Ellie...I'm scared. " I reply honestly. " What if, what if they're still out there? Waiting for you. What if you don't make it home tonight? "

The thought absolutely terrifies me.

Ellie pulls me into her warm embrace. " Joel and Tommy will find them. I swear to god, if they don't, I will. I'm going to be okay. I promise. I'll have Jesse and Dina with me the entire time. "

" Please Ellie. Don't leave me. I don't want to be alone. " I mumble into her shoulder, my grip on her tight.

Ellie is quiet for a second. " I'll stay. "

Relief floods my body.

" I have to go tell Jesse and Dina I'm staying today. " Ellie draws soothing circles on my back. " It's going to be okay, baby. I will never let anything like that happen again. "

I sink into her arms, my heart beat beginning to calm down.

I don't know what I'd do without her.

[skyward-floored]

Whumptober Day 26: Seeing double, “You look awful”

A little sickfic because I haven’t done many of those yet. Thank goodness we’re getting near the end of the month, I’m rapidly running out of juice for these hahahahahaha

Read on ao3

Warnings: not much. Feeling dizzy, and mentions of throwing up.

————————————————————

He was so tired.

Hyrule’s lip wobbled at the thought of continuing on, of not just sitting down and resting his head against a tree. But he stubbornly bit down on his lip, ignoring the tremble in his legs and the soreness of his throat, and kept marching.

He’d woken up feeling heavy and aching, shivering in cool air that he’d normally relish. An ache had taken up residence in his throat, and whenever Hyrule swallowed, it was like he’d swallowed a handful of knives.

The urge to cough rose in his throat, but Hyrule swallowed it down, wincing at the pain from the action. Surely he was just feeling the effects of using so much magic in that battle yesterday. Normally a good night’s sleep helped with that, but he must have just used more then he thought.

He refused to entertain the notion of being sick.

I’m fine, Hyrule told himself firmly, keeping up with the others despite how badly he wanted to drag behind. It’s just a little extra tiredness. It’ll be fine once we stop for the night, I just need to keep going until then.

He ignored the fact that the sun was still high in the sky.

Hyrule was unable to stop himself from coughing, but he muffled it as best as he could. Normally when this sort of thing happened to him, he’d make tracks for the nearest safe area possible, a cave, or town if he was lucky... the roots of a tree if he wasn’t.

But he wasn’t traveling by himself, he was with a group. One that couldn’t afford to just stop moving until he was well enough to continue, not if they were going to have any chance of finding the rest of the heroes they’d been separated from.

So Hyrule pushed through the shivers that kept trying to slow him down, ignoring the tremble in his legs. He traveled a little further away from the others so he wouldn’t arouse suspicion, staying closer to the trees at the side of the path, and when Wild joined him, he didn’t say much. Wild didn’t seem to care though, and happily pointed out mushrooms and birds with only minimal reply from Hyrule.

Hyrule’s head started to pound the longer the afternoon dragged on though, pulsing behind his eyes. His throat grew even more sore, and his whole head seemed to have been lifted up into a cloud, leaving his thoughts misty and hard to focus on.

All he could really do was keep walking.

Hyrule realized suddenly that words were being directed at him, and he tried to listen to them. Something about... being okay? He quickly nodded, hoping the wordless response wouldn’t garner suspicion.

“Are you sure ‘Rule?” the voice asked again, and Hyrule focused in enough to figure out that it was Wild squinting at him with a concerned look. “You... look kind of awful.”

Hyrule swallowed.

“Fine,” Hyrule got out in a normal-enough sounding voice. “Just... little tired.”

“...Do you need a break?” Wild asked a little worriedly.

“No,” Hyrule quickly replied, and fought back a cough. “I’ll be fine.”

Wild frowned, but somebody called his name and his attention was grabbed. Hyrule went back to focusing on walking, even as it grew harder and harder to force his feet to lift up off the ground.

It would normally have been an easy path they were hiking along, only a slight slope with barely a root or rock to trip on. But the ground kept swimming in and out of his vision, doubling and moving around along with the trees around him.

Hyrule wasn’t sure when he’d stopped moving, but he realized suddenly his feet weren’t listening anymore when he told them to go. All he could do was stand in place, the world swirling around him, and try not to fall over.

“Hyrule?”

The voice came from far away, and Hyrule closed his eyes, suddenly feeling nauseous. Why was he so cold? It had been hot just a few minutes ago, and the sun was still beating down on his forehead.

The world kept tilting. Why was it doing that?

“Hyrule!”

Something grabbed at him, and Hyrule startled, blinking his eyes open again. For some reason the world had gone sideways, and the angle only made his head hurt even worse.

“Hyrule, are you okay?”

“Oh, I knew he looked off! He was all shaky when I talked to him!”

“Traveler?”

Hyrule turned his head and looked dizzily up at several faces, unable to focus on any of them. Someone moved a little closer, and Hyrule figured out that one was Legend, apparently the one who’d caught him if the angle of his head was to be trusted.

Or maybe not. He still wasn’t sure,

“Hyrule are you okay? Are you hurt?” Legend asked sharply, and Hyrule felt tears prick behind his eyes for some reason. He was just so tired.

“Not hurt,” he rasped, and swallowed, his throat aching worse then ever. “Can keep going.”

Something was placed on his forehead, and Hyrule heard a low noise of concern, along with a sigh.

“He’s burning up,” a voice that might’ve been Sky said, and Hyrule found himself leaning into the touch on his face, the hand delightfully cool and comforting.

“Hyrule, How long have you been sick?” someone else asked. Twilight maybe? No, he wasn’t here, they were looking for him and the others... right?

He couldn’t remember.

“‘M not, just tired,” Hyrule protested, his head spinning more all of a sudden. “Not.”

“Buddy, you’re definitely sick,” someone else’s voice spoke up, and Hyrule closed his eyes again as the spinning around him got worse. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?“

“...dunno,” he whispered, unable to find the words to explain. His head hurt too much to explain anything.

Hyrule swallowed back a whimper, and the hand on his forehead brushed some hair from his eyes. A sigh came from somewhere above him, and then the hands holding him shifted a little.

“There should be a good spot to camp a bit up ahead if we’re where I think we are. We can stop early for the night,” someone said, and Hyrule opened his eyes again.

“Don’t have to stop, keep going,” he croaked, and tried to sit up, weakly pushing at the arms around him.

They pushed back to keep him down, but what really stopped Hyrule was the rapid lurching of the world around him as he sat up.

The faces looking at him swirled into an unidentifiable smear of features, blond and pink and brownish hair mixing with all different shades of blue eyes. The entire world joined in, trees and sunlight and words and pine needles spinning and twirling around him in dizzying colors that nearly made him throw up.

And suddenly he was lying down, blankets on top of him with fingers carding gently through his hair.

Hyrule dizzily opened his eyes, his head still pounding, and saw Legend sitting next to him, looking entirely lost in thought. The light from the sky was much more orange then it had been, and a confused noise escaped Hyrule’s lips.

Legend immediately turned to him at the noise, relief and something Hyrule couldn’t read in his gaze.

“Hey Roolie,” he said in soft voice, scooting closer. “How are you feeling? Any better?”

“Mm,” Hyrule murmured, his throat violently reminding him of its soreness. It felt worse then earlier, and he closed his eyes as he swallowed against it.

The hand carding through his hair paused, and a face leaned over his, scars looking less pink in the orangey light.

“You feel up for some soup? Or just water, or whatever? If you want something specific I can make it for you,” Wild said with a little smile, and Hyrule blinked back tears again.

“Water,” he whispered, and Wild nodded and stepped away, presumably to get it.

Silence settled between him and Legend, and Hyrule closed his eyes as the world threatened to begin spinning again. Every bit of him felt wrung out and achy, and while lying down was better then moving, he still felt awful.

On more then one account.

“Traveler.”

Hyrule slowly opened an eye, and saw Legend watching him, his face creased.

“You know you can tell us if you’re sick, right?” he started with, and Hyrule swallowed. “You don’t have to just act like you’re fine.”

“Needed... to keep going,” Hyrule croaked, and Legend’s frown grew.

“You’re allowed to need rest, traveler,” Legend said sternly, and Hyrule shifted under his blankets. “The others can wait, it’s okay.”

“But they...”

“Hyrule,” Legend said, and Hyrule met his eyes, looking at the crystalline blue. “Would the others want you to run yourself utterly ragged looking for them? Would they be happy to learn that you collapsed because you wouldn’t take a hint from your body and kept going, despite how you were burning up with a fever and sound like you gargled lava rocks?”

“...probably not,” Hyrule whispered.

“Exactly,” Legend finished, and his voice softened a little. “Everyone gets sick sometimes, ‘Rule. You just have to let yourself rest sometimes.”

Hyrule felt a bit of a smile pull at his lips. “Kinda... hypocritical coming from... you.”

Legend immediately looked offended. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“He means you do the exact same moronic thing when you’re sick,” Wild said as he came back. “You refuse to admit it and just keep going on your merry way until all of a sudden you’re throwing up on Warriors’ boots.”

Legend flushed. “That was one time.”

“Yeah and Warriors complained about it for weeks after!”

Hyrule rasped out a laugh, and Legend helped him sit up so he could drink the water Wild had brought. It looked like he’d mixed some potion in along with it, and the burning ache in his throat eased a little as he drank, sweet and cool as it slipped down his throat.

He finished with a tired sigh, and Legend lowered him back down, the hand going back to carding through his hair again.

“Try and rest some more, Hyrule. We’ve got your back,” Wild said with a smile, and Hyrule faintly returned it.

His blankets around him were pulled back up to his chin, and Hyrule closed his eyes, still feeling like a heavy weight was pulling him down.

But he also felt lighter then before, and he let himself relax, a hand on his forehead the last thing he felt before he dropped off.

[intosnarkness]

So my cat died today.

(tw:pet illness, death)

idk I might try and write the whole story later, but 15 years is a lot to try and boil down. (NB, I got him when he was 2, which you might have figured out because he was 17.)

But long story short, in February of 22 I was in Florida setting up an expo for work when the vet called me. Nat had taken the boys for a dental cleaning, and Peri lost like, a pound in a few weeks.

I was 900 miles away and could do nothing as they did scans and blood tests and I hid behind a shipping crate and cried.

They found a mass in his stomach and he's been on steroids since. We didn't know what it was, because I didn't want to do the exploratory on a cat his age. The vet agreed. I thought at the time that I had 3 months left. I got 18.

Recently Pman has had less appetite. This came to a head on Wednesday when I got home from work to feed the cats and he didn't come when I opened the can. He was also leaving more and more food uneaten.

I called the vet yesterday but it didn't feel emergent so when i got voicemail I gave up. Called again around 11 this morning and they asked me to bring him in ASAP. I had a Feeling then that today was going to end with a cremation.

Nat was headed home early from work because they're doing construction on his building and he was Done so I called and asked him to take Peri in. He agreed.

When he got to the house, Peri had found a bobbin for embroidery floss at some point between when I left at 7:45am and when he got home at 11:45am and eaten the thread off of it.

Nat called me and I just.. left. I just got up and left work and called the people I needed to call from the car to tell them I had a pet emergency and was leaving for the day. Nat and I met at the vet.

The issues came down to this:

When a cat eats string, your concern is it being in the intestine. If you pull on the string you can tear the intestine with the pressure. If you don't know how long it's been, you need to scope the cat or do exploratory surgery.

Our vet did not have anyone to scope the cat. They called every other vet in town, apparently. Time ticked by. They found one about 40 minutes away.

At this point it was close to 1:30. In the best scenario, it had been at least 2 hours since the thread entered his system. It would be another hour before we could get the scope in him. I kept saying to Nat, as we sat and waited, that there was no world where it wasn't in the intestine by the time we got him there. This is when I started to really fucking lose it.

If the string was in the intestine, they were going to have to do exploratory abdominal surgery on a 17-year-old cat to get it out. I remember what his recovery was like when he was 3 and did this. I was not sure it was fair to do that to a cat as old as him. I was pretty sure I had murdered my best friend with embroidery floss, which is going to be funny in retrospect but right now it isn't.

I know Peri has eaten string before. I remember the night he did it in the Laurel apartment like it was yesterday. I was usually vigilant about not leaving shit around for him to eat. The number of times I nagged Nat about spools of thread, or shoelaces, or twist ties. I looked at that bobbin yesterday and thought "I should put that away before Peri gets at it." I did not put it away. I was starting to convince myself that I killed my cat. That this whole thing was my fault. Poor Nat sitting next to me in this vet room. He is not an affectionate person. He does not touch. I doubt we have ever hugged. Here we are, and I'm holding my cat and crying. He mustered up all his courage and touched my shoulder. We stan one emotionally unavailable roommate.

As it turned out, it didn't matter. The x-ray revealed that the mass in his stomach had moved to his chest. His lungs were scalloped around the edges and there was fluid around his heart.

Nat and I both cried and killed an entire box of tissues. Peri let me hold him and he even gave us some moops. The vet told me to just keep talking. And the only thing I remember saying was that he had been such a good mommy to those ferals we fostered because he did such a good job of raising me, first.

So best boy, lover of Popsicle sticks, Wrong Tail haver, spottiest cat and cattiest spot, Peri Pants McGee, the Periman, Pman, Mr. Mooperman, and any other name I called him over the last 15 years was the best cat that most of you never got to meet.

His favorite thing in the world was when I put a blanket over my legs and then he laid on the blanket. He liked to lick my toes and ankles, which was the worst. He was a very good reason to stay alive on certain days when that didn't seem to be a priority. He was my best friend, and I love him.

[tma-entity-song-poll]

Battle of the Fear Bands!

B5R4: The Lonely

Alone Again (Naturally):

“A man becomes so lonely his only wish is to commit suicide”

The Bed Song:

“The song tells the story of a couple in snapshots over the course of their lives. They're close and affectionate in their youth, but a gulf between them forms and gets wider with every verse. The song ends with the two of them laying in their graves, having not touched each other in decades.”

Lyrics below the line!

Alone Again (Naturally):

In a little while from now If I'm not feeling any less sour I promise myself to treat myself And visit a nearby tower And climbing to the top Will throw myself off In an effort to Make it clear to whoever Wants to know what it's like when you're shattered

Left standing in the lurch at a church Were people saying, My God, that's tough She stood him up No point in us remaining We may as well go home As I did on my own Alone again, naturally

To think that only yesterday I was cheerful, bright and gay Looking forward to who wouldn't do The role I was about to play But as if to knock me down Reality came around And without so much as a mere touch Cut me into little pieces

Leaving me to doubt Talk about, God in His mercy Oh, if he really does exist Why did he desert me In my hour of need I truly am indeed Alone again, naturally

It seems to me that There are more hearts broken in the world That can't be mended Left unattended What do we do What do we do

Alone again, naturally

Looking back over the years And whatever else that appears I remember I cried when my father died Never wishing to hide the tears And at sixty-five years old My mother, God rest her soul Couldn't understand why the only man She had ever loved had been taken Leaving her to start With a heart so badly broken Despite encouragement from me No words were ever spoken And when she passed away I cried and cried all day Alone again, naturally Alone again, naturally

The Bed Song:

Exhibit A We are friends in a sleeping bag splitting the heat We have one filthy pillow to share and your lips are in my hair Someone upstairs has a rat that we laughed at And people are drinking And singing bad Scarborough Fair on a ukulele tear

Exhibit B Well, we found an apartment It’s not much to look at A futon on a floor Torn-off desktop for a door All the decor's made of milk crates and duct tape And if we have sex They can hear us through the floor But we don’t do that anymore

And I lay there wondering, what is the matter? Is this a matter of worse or of better? You took the blanket, so I took the bedsheet But I would have held you if you'd only

Let me

Exhibit C Look how quaint And how quiet and private Our paychecks have bought us a condo in town It's the nicest flat around You picked a mattress and had it delivered And I walked upstairs And the sight of it made my heart pound And I wrapped my arms around me

And I stood there wondering, what is the matter? Is this a matter of worse or of better? You walked right past me and straightened the covers But I would still love you if you wanted a lover And you said All the money in the world Won't buy a bed so big and wide To guarantee that you won't accidentally touch me In the night

Exhibit D Now we're both mostly paralyzed Don't know how long we've been lying here in fear Too afraid to even feel I find my glasses and you turn the light out Roll off on your side Like you've rolled away for years Holding back those king-size tears

And I still don't ask you, what is the matter? Is this a matter of worse or of better? You take the heart failure I'll take the cancer I've long stopped wondering why you don't answer

Exhibit E You can certainly see how fulfilling a life From the cost and size of stone of our final resting home We got some nice ones right under a cherry tree You and me lying the only way we know Side by side and still and cold

And I finally ask you, what was the matter? Was it a matter of worse or of better? You stretch your arms out and finally face me You say I would have told you

If you'd only asked me If you'd only asked me If you'd only asked me

[satans-helper]

Reaching for Stardust - Part VI

Read Looking For Space here // Playlists here // Read on wattpad

Word Count: ~2700 (why so short?? I don't know. I wrote this what feels like ages ago lol)

Warnings: none...but buckle up for later?

This is super late because I was 1) busy writing that GVF slash mini-series 2) busy being out of town to see OUR BOYS again 3) busy writing that new Sam fic I just posted. Anyway...

---

Morning began with a tangerine sun suspended in a hazy, buttercup yellow sky. The clouds seemed to come to life as the sun got higher, moving past the orange glow in such gentle, soft movements that it was hard to even keep track of the changes, at least from mine and Josh’s spot on the porch. We were both hungover worse than we’d experienced in, well, we weren’t sure–it was hard to remember anything with our heads pounding, throats parched and stomachs lurching.

“Fuck. We fucked up,” Josh lamented with a little groan. He shut his eyes and leaned against me, a mug of coffee in his hands. “We should’ve bought food yesterday. I’d take a single saltine cracker right now.”

I felt the same. Hindsight was always 20/20. “Yeah, we fucked up,” I agreed. I tried to shut my eyes in solidarity and to just bask in the warm glow of morning but, when I did, I felt the earth spin beneath my feet. “I need Gatorade or something, jeez.” 

“I shouldn’t have suggested shots,” Josh went on, sounding off a louder groan to punctuate his statement. “It’s all my fault. Are we going to survive?”

“We’ll survive,” I assured him, though the coffee from the Keurig machine was too bitter on my tongue and too hot in my stomach. I was dreaming of an ice-cold blue sports drink from an air conditioned gas station, chased with an iced coffee loaded with cream and sugar. “Nothing’s gonna stop us from going to the beach today.”

“Tybee Island, yes,” Josh concurred. He sat up straight and brought the mug of coffee to his lips, eyes half-lidded as he sipped again despite the enthusiasm in his voice. Once half of his coffee was gone he was up and moving, shuffling away from the porch, beginning to sing to himself as he carried on into the bedroom. If it’d been anyone else, that relentless cheeriness and resilience would have irritated me, but it was Josh, so listening just made me laugh to myself.

I was still excited for our beach day, though at the moment the thought of baking in the sun made me feel even more queasy. I diligently sipped the rest of my coffee and groggily hauled myself into the kitchen to chug lukewarm tap water, which tasted so different than the water back home. I did love Savannah so far, but I still couldn’t imagine living there. In my mind, home was where our most beloved people were and that was back in Michigan. 

That thought reminded me to check my phone for a reply from Jake. He had texted back later in the night and I immediately smiled huge and delirious at the picture–a selfie taken with the help of Danny’s long arm that showed all three of the boys that I missed so badly. The text read: First birthday without Josh was weird. He sent me a text that was half gibberish did you guys go out?

I typed back, relaying that we went to the rooftop bar and got absolutely wasted and that Josh’s birthday seemed a little weird without Jake and Sam and Danny, too. As I migrated to the bedroom after Josh, I realized how it was also the first birthday of Josh’s that felt so empty after the fact–normally, the whole “one year older” and effects of whatever party we’d had trailed into the next day. I didn’t feel that at all. Was it yet another product of actually getting older? Sometimes in my head, Josh was still the same 23 year old I’d met in that poetry class, both of us so fresh and green, with him so ready to fall headfirst into something new with me. I’d been so apprehensive and fearful and now, looking back, it felt so silly. Josh was a dream come true.

The beach was also a dream come true. We had nothing to compare it to back home, not even close–the ocean right at our literal fingertips was enough for Josh and I to drop our bags and hightail it to the sea, running through the foamy waves until the water reached our knees. The sun was partially hidden by some of the morning clouds that had stuck around, but what sunlight pierced through hit hard and beautiful, turning the water into an infinite expanse of glittering blue and green that melted into the pale blue horizon. Seagulls circled overhead; pelicans coasted in the water; boats floated on by far off in their own little worlds and our little world seemed to be a seaside fairytale that I was content to live in for much longer than we actually had. 

The wind caressed our damp legs as we stepped back out onto dry land. My heart was beating fast, even faster still when I looked at Josh–the strips of white clouds were reflected in his eyes and his smile was bigger and brighter than any sun. I was sure of that. We watched each other more than what our hands were doing as we held the big beach towel we’d packed between us and spread it out in the air, trying to get it straight and taut to lay flat on the sand. Josh smirked; I stuck my tongue out at him and he laughed.

“This is perfect,” he remarked once we were getting situated on the ground. He laid back, putting his hands behind his head, and closed his eyes. “I could stay here forever.”

I grabbed his sunglasses from his backpack and slid them over his eyes. “It does feel like a little slice of paradise. We just need some fruity cocktails.”

“A little hair of the dog that bit us wouldn’t be such a bad idea right now, actually.” 

I laid down next to him, shielding my eyes with my hand to look at the sky. “We used to be able to drink all night and be relatively fine the next day. I miss that.”

“I think Jake, Danny and Sam drank all night. Sam sent me a video of Danny drinking straight from a bottle of tequila.”

I chuckled. “Those two degenerates have ruined our good boy.” 

“Sam singlehandedly corrupted Danny years ago, I’m sure of it,” Josh said, turning his head to look at me. His bare skin was already so naturally tan–I could imagine how much more rich and glowy he’d become with the extra sun we were getting. “He’s just good at keeping it under wraps, that Daniel of ours. Well, sometimes. Seems like the most debauchery comes out when Sam peer pressures him and Danny can’t contain himself.”

It was true–so many nights of Sam practically pouring shots down Danny’s throat himself. It seemed like Danny only tried to hold back because he knew he’d end up having to take care of Sam later on.

“I think they’re in love,” I said.

Josh laughed. “Me too.”

I sat up to retrieve a bottle of water from my backpack. “But really–none of them have girlfriends. Is it because they’re touring now? I just can’t imagine any of them not finding a girl to click with.”

“Well, we are their best groupies. I don’t think anyone else can compete with us in that regard,” Josh said, still lying flat, lounging beneath the penetrating sunrays. “But I do think the fact that they’re playing shows all over now is a factor. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to commit to someone you’re not going to see even every week.”

“Not gonna lie, I wanted Sam and Bev to work out.”

“I think he was a little too young then. It might be different now.”

“Well, maybe it’s a good thing.” I took a drink then settled back down, moving closer to Josh. “They should just be focused on the music and having fun. Relationships complicate things.”

Josh raised his sunglasses and winked at me. “Not if they’re perfect.”

I smiled. “We’re not exactly perfect.” 

“Close enough.” 

I’d considered the idea that Josh really would propose to me during our vacation. The beach seemed like a good place for it–though there were people around, we had plenty of privacy, no way to make a big public fuss about it. The weather was perfect and the whole ambiance of the ocean and sky made for a picturesque setting. He was too relaxed though–if Josh were to propose now, I would have had a real inkling. Still, the impending mystery proposal and the subsequent unplanned wedding was on my mind again.

“Where would you want our wedding to be?” I asked. “Obviously outside somewhere. We’ve already agreed on that. But where specifically?”

Josh reached between us to take my hand, still lying idle by my side. “I’m not sure, darling. I’m not privy to the venues and what have you that are in our area. Why, did you have a particular place in mind?”

“Not really. But some place quiet and open would be nice. Lots of flowers and trees and whatnot. That’d be pretty, right?”

“Very pretty. Though it sounds like we’d be waiting another year if we wanted the greenery and sunshine.” Josh squeezed my hand lightly, let it go to roll onto his side and look at me. “I don’t feel like waiting another year.”

I knew as much, but my heart still skipped a beat at hearing the words. “It takes time to plan a wedding. Even if you proposed to me right now, the planning would take months.”

“We have months as it is. But don’t worry–I’m not proposing today.” Josh leaned in and cupped my face, giving me a kiss. “It’s still going to be a surprise. And I have to get the timing right.” 

“Oh?” I quipped, reaching out for him, tugging on his hair to bring him back and kiss again. He tasted like sunscreen and coconut lip balm. 

Josh propped his head up in one hand, remaining on his side. “I know you have your bridesmaid all figured out. Kirsti would be your maid of honor, naturally.”

“And Jake would be your best man. Naturally.” 

“You’ve told your mom we’re planning on getting married, right?”

“Josh, she started pressuring me to marry you like two years ago,” I reminded him with a laugh. “Once she came around to you, she came around hard. And I’m pretty sure she’s desperate for just one of her kids to get married.” 

“Oh, that’s right! Last Christmas she asked me where the ring was.” Josh laughed too, turning to look up at the sky. “I didn’t tell her I had it already. Maybe I should’ve.” 

“Since I already know you’re going to propose, isn’t most of the surprise moot anyway?”

Josh laid back down. “Not at all. People should talk about it beforehand. It doesn’t kill the romance. It just makes things more solid.”

“You know what’s also solid? A house,” I replied, giving his nose a tap with my finger before I laid back down, too. 

“Seen any around here that you like?”

“I’ve seen some back home that I like.” I quickly considered spilling about the house from the estate sale, but I didn’t know if that was a sure thing yet. And anyway, I didn’t want to get caught up in thinking about being home when we were on vacation. Josh was so skilled at enjoying the present–I was going to do the same. 

Once we were feeling the burn from the sun, Josh and I waded back into the cool Atlantic. This time, we went far enough out until the water reached our necks and the waves were gentle and stirring around us, crashing loudly behind us; I gazed out at the blue horizon, thinking of how the ocean seemed as infinite as the sky itself, as infinite as the whole universe, really. I laughed when Josh decided to swim out even farther, kicking and paddling along until he called out that he couldn’t feel where the bottom was and I told him to watch out for sharks. He tipped back to lie flat beneath the sky and float atop the water, arms out at his sides and eventually looking too much like a dead body that I swam out and dragged him back by his hand. 

We took our damp and slightly sunburnt selves to a very late lunch at a little seafood shack afterward. It was quite literally a shack, actually, and it was situated down a curvy road, far more in the grasslands than the actual beach, but I could still smell the ocean when we stepped out of the rental car and moseyed up the wooden ramp to the doorway, where inside it smelled like, not to either of our surprises, fish, crab and fryer oil. 

After our greasy and satisfying lunch, we headed out to the shops lining the island that were even more blatant tourist money grabs than what we’d encountered downtown, and we loved it. The sweatshirts, t-shirts, hats, keychains and the beach-inspired hemp necklaces and bracelets fit the energy of the island and our sun-soaked bliss; neither Josh nor I cared about how silly the purchases were. We walked out with plastic bags full of mementos and soft hoodies, our hair stiff from salt water, my heart full of undeniable happiness.

While Josh drove us back over the bridge to take us back to our temporary home for much-needed showers, I got a text from Jake: How do you like Savannah? 

I love it. It’s beautiful! We’re having the best time. Where are you guys tonight?

Cleveland. So far so good. Josh hasnt been texting me much so he must be enamored with the city haha 

He is! But we miss you guys. We have so much to tell you when we get back 

Same here. Wish you guys could see the show

We’re your biggest fans. Don’t forget it ;) 

“Jake misses us,” I announced to Josh, who had a very pleased smile on his face when I looked at him. 

“I know he does,” he said while we glided over the bridge back to the city. “I miss him, too.”

-

When night fell, we were one of four other couples and one trio during the ghost tour, which took us from the starting point outside a diner, long shut down since its last dinner hour, around what felt like far more than just a couple miles of the city. The guide was a witchy woman who had the right energy and charisma to make all the stories–surely, some more exaggerated than others–come to life in the warm night and the yellow glow of the street and house lights and the abundance of Spanish moss hanging from so many of the trees surrounding our steps added to the spookiness of it all. Josh loved it, as did I, and we were wired by the time the tour ended, wanting more ghost stories–really, wanting to find some ghost stories of our own. 

But instead of ghosts, we found ourselves back at the airbnb, sipping wine with our limbs tangled together on the porch. I couldn’t see the stars–the lights of the small city were still too many and too bright to get a good view–but the brightest star of all was right there next to me. I said this to Josh and he laughed lovingly at the cliche, wrapped his arm tighter around me and pressed his wine-stained lips to my cheek: “Thank you for coming with me on this journey,” he said. 

“To Savannah or just, like, life?” I asked, happy and mutually grateful either way.

“All of it.” Josh sighed softly and rested his cheek on my shoulder. “I just wish it were longer.” 

“We have tomorrow,” I reminded him. “And a whole lifetime.”

Josh clinked his glass with mine. “Infinity.”

I ran my fingers up his back, tracing each vertebrae. “Infinity.”

---

Tagging: @jjwasneverhere @colorstreammind

Want to be tagged? Let me know here! (or just DM me lmao)

[john-marshall]

the vet says my cats are “hefty” so they’re all going on diets. i love a project so i made a spreadsheet. i calculated each cat’s caloric requirements at rest, and then calculated a small deficit that will have them losing a pound over ten weeks. then i took that and for each cat i wrote a weekly feeding schedule with the caloric intake taken as an average over a week so that the cats can have some variety. i’ve spent many hours on this. the spreadsheet has 8 sheets. i’m not done. i’m done enough that we can start putting it into practice but Oh. I’m not done.

problem #1… chestnut. the baby. the fatboy. the dipshit. the sweetboy. 14.26 pounds. not a big cat. fat.

problem #2… willow. big mama. she’s actually not as difficult to keep at a healthy weight as chestnut but she’s smart. we had an extra bag of dry food in the basement (backstock) and she ripped a hole into it and they’ve all been eating out of it for who knows how long. 8.5lb bag. went to get it yesterday. decided to weigh it. 17.74oz left in the bag.

problem #3… the creature himself. ash. my boy. he’s not actually much of an overeater, but chestnut and willow overwhelm him to steal his food, and he doesn’t bother to stick around, and then he ends up eating too much in bursts.

literally just a lot. i miss being on tumblr i’m just so out of the loop whenever i log on i get distracted and zip off again.

my brain isn’t working very well. my memory is disappearing at a rate that has been scaring me for months and months. i’ve brought it up to a bunch of healthcare professionals and literally the only one who took it seriously was the house calls guy from my insurance, and he did a little memory test and told me like “you only need to get one so you technically passed but you should really follow up on that.” i had a little catsitting gig out of town last week so i wasn’t around home. my roommate asked me one day to take her laundry basket to the basement (she has cerebral palsy this request is not something i have an issue with). i agreed but we were in the middle of something. to my memory, we were chatting and going on, and then i had to go back to catsit and left, forgot about the basket until she texted me about it, and i told her i forgot and apologized, but turns out i went upstairs and sounded like i was moving things around, but then didn’t move the laundry basket. i have quite literally no memory of going upstairs. at first she thought i was being a bitch but… nope. blank slate. might be worse? idk. i have an appt with my pcp about it but i’m just like. YEA… i told my pcp about it in SEPTEMBER 🙌

i’m getting sued i’m due in court on tuesday

birthday approaches

i think i have long covid

fuck this year already for real

[kvetchlandia]

Bob Dylan     Last Thoughts on Woody Guthrie, Live at Town Hall, New York City     1963

When yer head gets twisted and yer mind grows numb

When you think you're too old, too young, too smart or too dumb

When yer laggin' behind an' losin' yer pace

In a slow-motion crawl of life's busy race

No matter what yer doing if you start givin' up

If the wine don't come to the top of yer cup

If the wind's got you sideways with with one hand holdin' on

And the other starts slipping and the feeling is gone

And yer train engine fire needs a new spark to catch it

And the wood's easy findin' but yer lazy to fetch it

And yer sidewalk starts curlin' and the street gets too long

And you start walkin' backwards though you know its wrong

And lonesome comes up as down goes the day

And tomorrow's mornin' seems so far away

And you feel the reins from yer pony are slippin'

And yer rope is a-slidin' 'cause yer hands are a-drippin'

And yer sun-decked desert and evergreen valleys

Turn to broken down slums and trash-can alleys

And yer sky cries water and yer drain pipe's a-pourin'

And the lightnin's a-flashing and the thunder's a-crashin'

And the windows are rattlin' and breakin' and the roof tops a-shakin'

And yer whole world's a-slammin' and bangin'

And yer minutes of sun turn to hours of storm

And to yourself you sometimes say

"I never knew it was gonna be this way

Why didn't they tell me the day I was born"

And you start gettin' chills and yer jumping from sweat

And you're lookin' for somethin' you ain't quite found yet

And yer knee-deep in the dark water with yer hands in the air

And the whole world's a-watchin' with a window peek stare

And yer good gal leaves and she's long gone a-flying

And yer heart feels sick like fish when they're fryin'

And yer jackhammer falls from yer hand to yer feet

And you need it badly but it lays on the street

And yer bell's bangin' loudly but you can't hear its beat

And you think yer ears might a been hurt

Or yer eyes've turned filthy from the sight-blindin' dirt

And you figured you failed in yesterdays rush

When you were faked out an' fooled white facing a four flush

And all the time you were holdin' three queens

And it's makin you mad, it's makin' you mean

Like in the middle of Life magazine

Bouncin' around a pinball machine

And there's something on yer mind you wanna be saying

That somebody someplace oughta be hearin'

But it's trapped on yer tongue and sealed in yer head

And it bothers you badly when your layin' in bed

And no matter how you try you just can't say it

And yer scared to yer soul you just might forget it

And yer eyes get swimmy from the tears in yer head

And yer pillows of feathers turn to blankets of lead

And the lion's mouth opens and yer staring at his teeth

And his jaws start closin with you underneath

And yer flat on your belly with yer hands tied behind

And you wish you'd never taken that last detour sign

And you say to yourself just what am I doin'

On this road I'm walkin', on this trail I'm turnin'

On this curve I'm hanging

On this pathway I'm strolling, in the space I'm taking

In this air I'm inhaling

Am I mixed up too much, am I mixed up too hard

Why am I walking, where am I running

What am I saying, what am I knowing

On this guitar I'm playing, on this banjo I'm frailin'

On this mandolin I'm strummin', in the song I'm singin'

In the tune I'm hummin', in the words I'm writin'

In the words that I'm thinkin'

In this ocean of hours I'm all the time drinkin'

Who am I helping, what am I breaking

What am I giving, what am I taking

But you try with your whole soul best

Never to think these thoughts and never to let

Them kind of thoughts gain ground

Or make yer heart pound

But then again you know why they're around

Just waiting for a chance to slip and drop down

"Cause sometimes you hear'em when the night times comes creeping

And you fear that they might catch you a-sleeping

And you jump from yer bed, from yer last chapter of dreamin'

And you can't remember for the best of yer thinking

If that was you in the dream that was screaming

And you know that it's something special you're needin'

And you know that there's no drug that'll do for the healin'

And no liquor in the land to stop yer brain from bleeding

And you need something special

Yeah, you need something special all right

You need a fast flyin' train on a tornado track

To shoot you someplace and shoot you back

You need a cyclone wind on a stream engine howler

That's been banging and booming and blowing forever

That knows yer troubles a hundred times over

You need a Greyhound bus that don't bar no race

That won't laugh at yer looks

Your voice or your face

And by any number of bets in the book

Will be rollin' long after the bubblegum craze

You need something to open up a new door

To show you something you seen before

But overlooked a hundred times or more

You need something to open your eyes

You need something to make it known

That it's you and no one else that owns

That spot that yer standing, that space that you're sitting

That the world ain't got you beat

That it ain't got you licked

It can't get you crazy no matter how many

Times you might get kicked

You need something special all right

You need something special to give you hope

But hope's just a word

That maybe you said or maybe you heard

On some windy corner 'round a wide-angled curve

But that's what you need man, and you need it bad

And yer trouble is you know it too good

"Cause you look an' you start getting the chills

"Cause you can't find it on a dollar bill

And it ain't on Macy's window sill

And it ain't on no rich kid's road map

And it ain't in no fat kid's fraternity house

And it ain't made in no Hollywood wheat germ

And it ain't on that dimlit stage

With that half-wit comedian on it

Ranting and raving and taking yer money

And you thinks it's funny

No you can't find it in no night club or no yacht club

And it ain't in the seats of a supper club

And sure as hell you're bound to tell

That no matter how hard you rub

You just ain't a-gonna find it on yer ticket stub

No, and it ain't in the rumors people're tellin' you

And it ain't in the pimple-lotion people are sellin' you

And it ain't in no cardboard-box house

Or down any movie star's blouse

And you can't find it on the golf course

And Uncle Remus can't tell you and neither can Santa Claus

And it ain't in the cream puff hair-do or cotton candy clothes

And it ain't in the dime store dummies or bubblegum goons

And it ain't in the marshmallow noises of the chocolate cake voices

That come knockin' and tappin' in Christmas wrappin'

Sayin' ain't I pretty and ain't I cute and look at my skin

Look at my skin shine, look at my skin glow

Look at my skin laugh, look at my skin cry

When you can't even sense if they got any insides

These people so pretty in their ribbons and bows

No you'll not now or no other day

Find it on the doorsteps made out-a paper mache¥

And inside it the people made of molasses

That every other day buy a new pair of sunglasses

And it ain't in the fifty-star generals and flipped-out phonies

Who'd turn yuh in for a tenth of a penny

Who breathe and burp and bend and crack

And before you can count from one to ten

Do it all over again but this time behind yer back

My friend

The ones that wheel and deal and whirl and twirl

And play games with each other in their sand-box world

And you can't find it either in the no-talent fools

That run around gallant

And make all rules for the ones that got talent

And it ain't in the ones that ain't got any talent but think they do

And think they're foolin' you

The ones who jump on the wagon

Just for a while 'cause they know it's in style

To get their kicks, get out of it quick

And make all kinds of money and chicks

And you yell to yourself and you throw down yer hat

Sayin', "Christ do I gotta be like that

Ain't there no one here that knows where I'm at

Ain't there no one here that knows how I feel

Good God Almighty

THAT STUFF AIN'T REAL"

No but that ain't yer game, it ain't even yer race

You can't hear yer name, you can't see yer face

You gotta look some other place

And where do you look for this hope that yer seekin'

Where do you look for this lamp that's a-burnin'

Where do you look for this oil well gushin'

Where do you look for this candle that's glowin'

Where do you look for this hope that you know is there

And out there somewhere

And your feet can only walk down two kinds of roads

Your eyes can only look through two kinds of windows

Your nose can only smell two kinds of hallways

You can touch and twist

And turn two kinds of doorknobs

You can either go to the church of your choice

Or you can go to Brooklyn State Hospital

You'll find God in the church of your choice

You'll find Woody Guthrie in Brooklyn State Hospital

And though it's only my opinion

I may be right or wrong

You'll find them both

In the Grand Canyon

At sundown

[coffee-n-bagels-comic-universe]

Superheroes with Secrets: Don't Surprise Me (Fic Part 185. Set in 2002)

Around 2000 Words. 18+ in places. Please inform me if you wish to be tagged/untagged from posts.

Tags: @tantamount-treason @piratewithvigor @thedollmaker16

Reference Posts: ‘Giantess’/‘Blacklight Bandit’ Kirby Roussimoff x Shane ’Hurricane’ Helms (Circa 2001)

"Yeah, exactly."

"Poor little sweetheart, you know he trembles when he has nightmares?"

"Yeah, I know…" He sighs softly.

"He's sweet when he wakes up, his hair gets all messy and he apologises for being all worried and freaking out… it's very adorable."

"It is. He is adorable."

"Almost as adorable as you."

His cheeks grow bright red as he nearly squeaks.

"Don't deny how adorable you are, mon mari."

"I'll try, or I'll keep blushing."

"I like it when you get all red and start telling me to shush, makes you even more adorable, my love."

"Well, no you're just trying to get me red."

"It'll get your mind off your worries, mon mari."

"That's true…"

"I like distracting you from your worries, it makes me happy to see you happy… now get your sexy ass over here and kiss me."

"Yes, ma'am." He grins, leaning over to kiss her.

Kirby kisses back gently, messing with the scruff of his beard before pulling away.

"It's getting a little long, isn't it?"

"I like the beard, but yes, you need a shave." Kirby murmurs as she goes back to her work.

"I'll do that while the cake bakes."

"Hon, is it weird that we cook bacon and bake cakes?" Kirby questions, cocking an eyebrow in confusion.

"I don't think so."

"You really don't think it's weird?"

"So much of the world is weird, it's become normal to be weird."

"But normal is boring, it's why you interest me so much, you're not the most normal man, so you intrigue me and make me wet with just the right raise of an eyebrow or pout of your lips."

He raises an eyebrow and pouts his lips ever so slightly, "Do I now?"

Kirby blushes a deep red, nodding her head before hiding her face in her hands.

"Well, I'd like to do something about it."

"What do you mean, my hero?"

"I'd like to lick your beautifully wet cut until your screams wake Shannon up."

"No, Shane, you should let him sleep, it would be cruel to wake him by making me scream."

"Well, the I guess you'll have to be very very quiet."

"Don't, we can have sex later, you can stop teasin' me."

He shrugs, smirking, "if you say so."

"I still have some bruises on my thighs from yesterday, I don't need you getting greedy and bruising me more." She murmurs.

"There'd be less bruising if you weren't so squirmy." He chuckles.

"You gonna tell me not to show you how much I want you inside me, now. Are you actually telling me to stop squirming in delight while getting taken to pound town?"

"More like teasing."

"Stop teasing me, mon mari, I'm serious."

"I'm saying I need to stop squeezing so hard when you squirm."

"Yeah you do, and shuddup before I back you against a wall and start making out with ya." Kirby murmurs, her accent thicker than usual.

"Mm, and what if I back you up against a wall to make out with ya, darlin'?" He purrs.

"Then I'll have no choice but to give in to you, mon amour."

"I'd like that very much."

"Later, my love. Later."

"Aw, are you sure?"

"Unless you are gonna pay Delilah and Jeff's therapy bills, I'm sure… and they should be here in a couple minutes anyway."

"That's a good point."

"Oh, Dee wants to talk about ideas we have for new tattoos, so you can tell her everything you want and she'll see what she or I can sketch."

"Sweet!" He grins excitedly.

"Jeff offered to take her out tomorrow and Dee may have forgotten about my birthday so don't mention it."

"Forgotten? There's no way that's true."

"Well she took Jeff up on his offer, texted me that they were going out for the day tomorrow, hence the meeting today and I interpret that as she has forgotten."

"Either that or she has a grand scheme."

"Perhaps, but she knows I hate surprise parties, I nearly punched Rikishi in the face last time they put one together for my birthday."

"Oh Jeez."

"Yeah, don't spook me, I punch when afraid."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"I love you, mon mari, but if you spook me I am not in control of what I do."

"I understand, my love."

"I don't wish to ruin your handsome features."

"I'll keep surprises to a minimum." He nods.

"The only thing I want to surprise me is Lilith kicking me or having a slightly early entrance to the world." Kirby chuckles softly.

"Both would be nice surprises."

"Speaking of surprises me, the little one just kicked me in the bladder."

"Oh Jeez, Lilith, babe, you gotta take it easy on your Mama. It's her birthday. You're a gift and all, but you need to chill out." He chastises, kissing her belly.

"How many times have I got to remind you, tomorrow is my birthday, my love, the thirteenth, it's why I count that number as lucky."

"I know. But I consider the whole week of someone's birthday to count as the day. No one can be mean to you on that week."

"That's very nice of y- Jesus, Lilith, I get it." Kirby moans in pain as she feels Lilith kick her stomach, hard.

Helms rubs gentle circles over her belly, "babygirl, calm down." He whispers.

"God, I've heard of Braxton Hicks, but Lilith is a different story, do you have super strength or something and is it genetic?"

"Well I trained myself to deadlift and hold you in under six months."

"Either she has giant strength or you genuinely are a superhero, that's the hardest she's ever kicked me."

"Well, she's still way too early for this to be labour. You're not even halfway along yet."

"I know that, if my water had broken, I would have told you, she's getting stronger. I'm proud of that, but it hurts when she kicks."

"Did she ease up when I rubbed?"

"Yeah, she did, it's like she's doing it to get your attention."

"She has it now. But no more hurting Mama. I love you, but I love her too, and I don't like when people are mean to her. There's a guy named X-Pac who could tell you how much I don't like it. So be nice, okay?"

"You decked Pac, it made me want to fuck your brains out after I realized what you did." Kirby murmurs.

"I won't be decking our baby. Just making a point."

"I don't expect you too, just telling you how you punching the jackass made me feel."

"Felt good to me too."

"Would you like a list of people who I'd like you to beat up so I can say you're my hero more often." Kirby offers, half joking.

"Sure, if you want."

"Wait, really?"

"Sure."

"Well, at the top of the list is Hogan, and I don't want you getting in trouble with Vince, but I would really like to see him brought down a peg or two."

"I probably won't punch Vince, but I may annoy him a little."

"Vince doesn't need to be punched, but maybe Shane McMahon, he always seems to act especially cocksure around me, pisses me off."

"Maybe you put him at ease so he can be himself."

"Doesn't give him the right to be a dick around me."

"That's true."

"And I for one think the little brat needs a lesson in not pissing off your princess, mon mari." Kirby whispers.

"That, I can do."

"If you teach him the lesson, I'll do whatever you want, Shaney baby, for a full week."

"I already have a bone to pick with him for taking my name, so the incentive is a cherry on top."

"Plus, I can almost guarantee that you won't get fired for it, mon amour."

"How so?"

"Let's just say, he's not Vince's golden child."

"Well yeah, everyone knows that." He chuckles.

"Still true, mon mari."

"Next time I see him, he'll find out what I think of him."

"You know something, mon amour, you being all tough like this, it turns me on immensely."

"Aw, and you're telling me I shouldn't do anything." He pretends to pout.

"How quickly can you cum, mon mari… within a few minutes?" She teases.

"Under five, if I put my mind to it."

"Well, we have about seven minutes before they get here, so if you really want to, the offer is there."

"God yes." He grins, kissing her roughly.

"Oh, mon mari, I love you so much." She whispers against his lips.

"I love you too."

"My love, I am yours alone… use me as you wish."

"On the floor, my sweetheart."

"Yes my love." Kirby whispers as she lays on the floor, spreading her legs for Helms.

He gets her pants down and whips out his stiffening cock, pushing into her gently.

"That feels so good, mon mari."

"Fuck yeah it does."

"Are you gonna make me squirm, sexy husband?" She teases, kissing him deeply.

"Better. I'm gonna make your back arch, your pussy drip in addition to the squirming."

"Mmn, you're so god damn sexy, mon mari, sexy enough to make me want to go several rounds, regardless of how much time we have."

"Start with one round, go from there."

"You're so amazing, you sexy beast… how much do you value your shirt, my love?"

"This one? Not at all."

"Good," she whispers, ripping his shirt off and chucking it away, feeling his chest and abs, "you're so sexy."

"Planning to stay that way for you."

"Good, I like being able to scratch my nails down your abs, I like seeing the marks and knowing you're mine."

"Mark me, babe. Anywhere you want."

Kirby scratches her nails down his back, kissing his neck and nipping at his skin, marking his flesh and moaning softly.

"I can take harder than that…"

"I don't want to go too hard, you're my husband, not a vampire's meal."

"I can be both." He chuckles.

"Not today, sexy beast." Kirby jokes, kissing him deeply and biting his bottom lip.

"Wanna look like I'm owned." He purrs.

"You will, I'm not gonna let you put a shirt on, and I'm gonna mark your chest after this, mon mari, you just focus on making me scream your name."

"Good." He smirks, starting to thrust into her hard and fast.

"Oh fuck, yes, oh putain, mon amour."

"Wanna make a mess of you."

"Oh please make a mess of me, my hero."

"My beautiful wife… God I love you."

"I love you too, mon mari, I love you so much… fuck me like I've been a bad girl, my love."

"As you wish." He grins, picking up the pace.

Her back arches against the floor as she screams his name, cumming and breathing heavily as she tries to come down from the high.

"That's my good girl." He murmurs.

"You're so good to me, mon amour." She whispers.

"Because I love you."

"Shane, my head feels fuzzy."

"Fuzzy? Like a headache?"

"No, like dizzy, adrenaline fuzzy."

"Okay, you lie down, I'll get you some water."

Kirby nods, laying back against the floor and breathing deeply. He brings back a glass of water with a little bendy straw.

"When did you get bendy straws, how did you slip this past me?"

"I got them at the good husband store and have hidden them for my own nefarious purposes."

"You sneaky little beastie, Shane… god, I love you so much."

"I love you too."

Kirby takes a sip of the water, trying to stay awake as she continues to come down from the high of arousal.

"Feel better?"

"Yeah."

"Alright, let's get you up and dressed."

"I want to sleep, mon ange."

"I'll get you upstairs."

"So I can sleep?"

"Yeah, exactly. I'm not denying the mother of my child anything, I don't care who's coming over."

"I love you."

"I love you too. You able to stand so I can carry you?"

[blackheartvore]

Been a while, but here's some new Teen Wolf vore smut for you guys...

Scott's Beta Buffet

Scott lounged back in the small office connected to the locker room. It had been a long day and a long practice, especially since Coach was out of town and Scott was doing more than just assisting today. He stretched his arms up behind his head and caught a whiff of his own musk. It was extra strong today. Probably because he hadn't had a good filling meal in a couple days.

Isaac was coming to pick him up tonight. Scott thought about how nice it would feel to have his boyfriend in his stomach and it immediately grumbled about how empty it was now. On top of that, he was feeling super horny too which only made him think about just how empty his balls were right now too.

Just as he was getting comfortable, there was a knock on the door of the office. A quick sniff told him that it was Liam, who hadn't yet taken a shower. The smell of his beta's musk made Scott's dick throb and stomach rumble.

"Come in!" Scott called out.

The door opened and Liam stepped in. The beta stopped just inside and took in the scents that had been building in the small office. Scott's regular musk was there, but he could also smell lust blanketed in the alpha's pheromones. His alpha's pheromones.

Liam adjusted himself as he shut the door behind him. The smell of his alpha's musk and pheromones drew him further into the room. His alpha needed something and as Scott's beta it was his job to take care of it.

"What's up?" Scott asked.

Liam's voice was a bit woozy, "I could smell you from the locker room. Tell me how I can help."

"Liam," Scott's stomach rumbled, "I'll be fine. Isaac will be here in a little bit."

Regardless of what he'd just said, Scott's cock twitched at the sight of his half naked beta. There was a bead of sweat trailing down the hairs on Liam's chest that Scott couldn't help but imagine the flavor of. A bit of seasoning that would add to Liam's already delicious flavor.

"Looks like you could use some help now." Liam gestured to the tent in Scott's shorts.

Scott sighed and sunk back into his chair, "You know what will happen if you stay in here right now..."

"I know," Liam chuckled as he moved around the desk, "but I still want to help."

Liam spun Scott towards him and dropped down onto his knees. The beta yanked Scott's shorts and jock down, immediately getting dizzy from the direct hit of the alpha's pheromones. Liam leaned into the smell, his nose against the base of Scott's cock as he inhaled. Then he got to work lapping at his alpha's musky crotch.

"Damn, Liam, that feels great..." Scott groaned.

Liam filled his mouth with Scott's cock. The alpha's thick shaft pushed down into his throat while the beta pounded away at his own meat. Liam knew before this was all over he'd end up inside his alpha, but he didn't care.

That moment came sooner than expected when Scott pulled out of his mouth. Before he could even think about it, Liam's face was shoved into his alpha's cock slit. He could feel the heavy organ slowly engulfing him, precum lubing the trip towards Scott's soon to be heavy sack.

Scott writhed in his chair as waves of pleasure washed over him. It had been far too long since he'd had a guy in his cock. It had really only been a couple days, if that. Stiles had slipped down it just yesterday, but it felt like forever.

"Scott?" A voice and light knock sounded at the door.

The alpha had already noticed Alec listening outside of the door, "Come in and shut the door behind you."

Alec hustled into the room to sight of Scott peeling off Liam's lacrosse shorts and jock as the beta's hard cock and plump ass disappeared into the alpha's enlarged pred cock. The second thing that hit Alec was the smell of musk, sex, and his alpha's pheromones. There was no way he was going to be able to hide his hardon.

"That's hot." Alec was practically drooling.

"You here to help your alpha too?" Scott grunted as Liam's thighs slipped into him.

"Absolutely!" Alec rushed over and pulled off Liam's shoes and socks.

"You know that means you'll end up inside me too." Scott rubbed at the lump Liam was making in his cock.

"Yeah, I know. I've walked in on Brett and Nolan before."

Scott moaned as Liam's feet were swallowed up. As the alpha stroked Liam's body down into his balls, Alec stripped off every scrap of his lacrosse uniform he was still wearing. Scott was glad when he could smell his newest beta hadn't showered yet. Though he still planned to have Alec work up even more of a sweat.

"Rub on my balls." Scott commanded.

Alec knelt down and massaged the Liam shaped lump. It didn't take but a few moments for the alpha's balls to work his first beta into a massive thick load.

Scott licked his lips as he thought about how the naked morsel kneeling in front of him would taste. But with a big load weighing down his balls again he also had a massive urge to unload some of it. Scott reached down and picked Alec up by the armpits. He debated just shoving the beta in his mouth, but his balls won out. Besides he could always swallow him after.

Scott bent Alec over the desk. The alpha used some of the pre still leaking from his cock to lube up the beta's hole. Then he started stuffing his thick length into Alec's ass.

Scott bucked into his beta. Alec whimpered and groaned with each thrust, so the alpha held a hand over his mouth to keep him quiet. The whole scenario turned Scott on. He loved when his betas took care of him. Whenever the alpha was hungry or horny they always turned into needy little snacks. Scott grunted as Alec's hole finally milked a good amount of Liam out of him.

Scott's stomach growled again as he collapsed on top of Alec. The beta still moaned under him, now loaded with the alpha's cum. Scott wasn't going to wait any longer.

The alpha wrapped his mouth around Alec's head and finally got a taste of the savory sweat that he'd been excited for since he saw some dripping down Liam's body. He pulled his cock out of the beta's now dripping hole as he stood up to be able to shovel more of Alec into his throat. He moaned around all the musky muscle he was finally getting to devour.

"Damn, babe. Couldn't wait, huh?" Isaac's voice pulled Scott's attention towards the door that was already shut again.

Scott didn't try to respond, not that he needed to. Isaac was already crossing the room and pushing Scott down into his chair. Thankfully, it was nice and sturdy, because the beta was already stripping down and climbing onto Scott's lap.

With one hand Isaac lifted Alec's legs into the air to help ease the alpha's swallowing and with the other he guided Scott's still stiff cock into his hole. The beta eagerly started bouncing in rhythm with the alpha's swallows, even sucking and licking at Alec's dick before it disappeared into Scott's mouth.

Scott groaned as the sweaty thighs slipped past his lips. The flavor of his newest beta was extra intense after practice. That combined with the feeling of Isaac's hole gripping his thick cock was going bringing him to a quick climax. As he licked at Alec's feet, he finally unloaded the last of his Liam load into Isaac's eager ass. He savored Alec's salty flavor one last time before a final gulp sent the boy down behind his now bloated abs.

Isaac, deliriously full of Scott's cum didn't even get a chance to process what the alpha said until his head was already down Scott's throat. Only then did he realized the words he heard were 'still hungry'. Isaac wasn't surprised though. He knew Scott well and suspected it was going to be a binge night.

Scott and Isaac both enjoyed the beta's trip into the alpha's maw. Soon Isaac would be settling in with Alec. The feeling of Scott's tongue all over his body and especially in his used hole got Isaac excited all over again. Scott was enjoying himself too, but his need to feed made short work of the beta.

One last swallow sent Isaac's sweet little toes down his gullet. Scott just collapsed back into his chair. Some movement in his belly from Isaac jostled out a long deep burp that felt pretty satisfying.

There were a few minutes of silence before he heard a quiet knock on the office door before it opened.

"Coach?" Nolan's timid voice asked before he saw Scott sprawled out in his chair, "Oh, sorry. Thought I heard something."

"You know exactly what you heard." Scott stared at the barely dressed co-captain.

"Yeah." Nolan looked down at the floor briefly before his gaze slid back up to Scott's exposed and still dripping cock, then his slightly shaking stomach.

"So?"

"Can I..."

"Can you what?"

"Can I rub your belly?"

"Sure." Scott grinned, shifting in his chair to give Nolan a better view.

Nolan approched slowly, tentatively reaching out a hand to touch the now consistently moving bumps of the alpha's gut. He leaned down putting an ear to the distended abs and could hear soft whining moans from inside.

"Are they?"

"Fucking?" Scott smiled, "Definitely."

"Who...?"

"Isaac and Alec."

"Did you...?" Nolan's other hand trailed down to Scott's dripping cock, stroking it.

"Both of them." Scott watched as Nolan licked some of the alpha's cum off his fingers, "How's Liam taste?"

A moment of realization and surprise lit up the co-captain's face as he swallowed, "Good!" Nolan whispered, hands still moving, "You must be so full."

"Not quite."

That was the last thing Nolan heard before he was stuffed into Scott's maw. The alpha no longer taking his time, greedily tore off the little human beta's clothes and gulped quickly. The boy was definitely sweet, a nice dessert to finish off his meal.

Scott let out one last long burp before settling back to enjoy the motion in his belly. The rocking and moans from within lulling him into a nice nap. He loved feeling full.

[belphies-cuhm-sluht]

So a scenario (please please please feel free to ignore it if it's not your liking, no pressure on you, I really really appreciate your hardwork and I love your writing thank you so much for all of this amazing fanfics you keep bringing) where f! Mc urges Lucifer to take break from his relentless overworking but Luci refuses and says something harsh which he didn't mean, Mc get's extreamly upset and leaves the house to get fresh air but she got kidnapped which Luci didn't realise till 2-3 days because he put spells on his office door to keep away his brothers and MC's whinning but when he comes out he sees whole house on rampage Because mc was missing and they can't sense anything with pact Because it was fading and Everyone is extremely angry at Luci, Luci realises his mistake and finds his Mc almost half dead where before falling into coma Mc makes Luci realise how much they (his brothers & Mc) all need him to be physically with all of them and Mc ends up in Coma, end it with fluff (wake mc up) please I beg you 😖 I know you love angst but I don't think I can take more angst I cried whole night yesterday after reading your "A question of time", love you and please take care of yourself ~ 💜

House of Stone (Lucifer x GN!MC)

There you were, skipping into his office as you always did, the softest smile gracing your lips as you reached his desk, leaning over it to look at him, but he didn’t look at you. There was no time to play your games, there was no time for anything, not when Lord Diavolo had his desk constantly stacked with paperwork that needed to be completed. He didn’t mind doing it, not before you came along, but now there was the constant pressure of keeping you occupied and satisfied while also trying to complete the never ending work pile. His pride never allowed him to put you at the top of his list of priorities because as much as he cares about you, he needed his Lord's respect, and he owed it to him as well. “Lucifer, you should take a break. You’re working too much, and way too hard. We’re all worried about you.” Your voice broke through his thoughts and his head whipped up to look at you finally. His eyes narrowed, and he found it almost laughable that you’d try to have a say in how much or how little he worked. He scoffed at you, flicking his wrist to shoo you out of his office. “I don’t need your opinion, or your worry, Y/N. If you’d stay out of my office and let me concentrate, maybe I could actually get something done. You think you can do that?” 

For once you didn’t put up an argument, you actually backed away from his desk and left his office quietly. He knew that what he had said was out of line, but as always, his pride kept him from going after you to apologize, well, it kept him from apologizing at all. You meant well, but he also had to finish his work, and it’s not like what he said wasn’t entirely true. If everyone would just leave him be for a little longer he could finish what he had to get done and maybe he could actually get some rest, which is what everyone was apparently worried about. The door was quickly put under a spell, no one would come in and no one would get out, and by no one, it meant him. He wouldn’t allow himself to leave until every single sheet of paper on his desk was read and signed off, no matter how time consuming or exhausting it was, he would get it done. Along with what was basically a locking spell, he also soundproofed the room, the only noises he could hear was his own breathing and the sound of pen against paper as he scribbled his name at the bottom of each paper. What he hadn’t heard was the sound of the front door slamming shut and all his brothers begging and pleading for you not to leave, and then the sound of their fists pounding against the door to his office as they tried to tell him that you had left. 

How much time had passed since he had snapped at you, since that spell had been placed on the door? He’s not sure, and if it wasn’t for the coffee pot that he had set up in his office, he would have figured out sooner, but the fact that he was able to survive somehow on solely coffee and stale bread while he was working made it quite easy to lose track of the days and how many had passed by. The work on his desk was finally done though, and he could finally leave his office, and he was hoping that the home that he had left to the care of you and his brothers was still standing outside of his office. Long legs and arms stretched out in front of him as he finally pushed his chair away from the desk, gathering up all the papers and preparing them to be taken to Lord Diavolo. “Then I’ll see how Y/N is doing…” He told himself, because deep down, he knew that he had been too harsh. It wasn’t that he didn’t want you or his brothers to worry about him, it felt nice to have people actually care about him for once. His brothers usually cared about themselves, well, most of them did, and you, well… you always cared about him, although he didn’t know why. 

As he took the spell off the door, that’s when he first heard it. The commotion of his brothers outside of his office, although they weren’t right outside the door, they were speaking loud enough for him to tell they weren’t all in their own separate rooms, which was strange. His first thought was that someone had unintentionally burned the kitchen down, or maybe they had made a hole in the wall while fake wrestling, and he was entirely prepared to brush it off until he got an adequate amount of sleep, but then he opened the door and saw all of his brothers rushing around the halls, their phones in their hands as they fervently typed out messages, others had their phones up to their ears, growling loudly when they clearly didn’t get an answer. “What is going on?” Every head in the room turned to look at him, all of their eyes were shooting daggers in his directions, and for once, he was the one who didn’t have a clue of what was happening or why everyone seemed so irritated. 

“Y/N is gone!” “I don’t know what happened!” “-Just walked out the door, looked like they were crying!” “-Not answering their phone!” “I don’t feel it anymore…” “-Like the connection is fading.” All of his brothers were speaking over each other, but all of their words were directed at him. You had walked out, you had left the house, and he felt this strange sense, a pang of guilt mixed with worry. He was worried about you, as were all of his brothers as well. It looked like none of them had gotten a wink of sleep, not even Belphegor who looked like he was struggling to keep his eyes open just to glare at him. “Will you all be quiet!? Mammon… tell me what’s going on!” All of the tiredness he had felt before had quickly vanished as soon as he heard that you weren’t there, and now the only thing that he wanted to do was make sure you were okay, to get you back home safe. Mammon would know what was going on better than any of his brothers because other than himself, Mammon was the one who kept a close eye on you, he was the one who made sure you stayed out of trouble. 

“After leavin’ yer office… Y/N just walked straight out the door. We tried callin’ for them, but they weren’t listenin’. We tried callin their phone too, and textin’, but they ain’t pickin’ up. Now… we can’t feel ‘em anymore… like the pact is fadin’ or something.” It was like everybody in the room froze, because that “or something” wasn’t good, the pact fading wasn’t good. Although he himself hadn’t made a pact with you, he knew that his brothers weren’t lying, because he didn’t need a pact with you to feel a connection, and now that he was out of his spellbound office, he could feel that something was fading, he just didn’t know for sure what it was until his brothers verified it for him.

How long had he actually been locked up in his office? How had he allowed something like this to happen? He knew this was his fault entirely. If he would have just gotten up, satisfied you just enough to make you feel better, pretend that he was getting some sleep… anything but scolding you for caring… this wouldn’t be happening. But then again, his pride won’t ever allow him to admit that he was in the wrong. This was somehow his brother's faults for not stopping you, for not going after you. Why hadn’t they tried to stop you, why didn’t they follow you? They knew well enough that it wasn’t safe for you outside of the house, that you shouldn’t be roaming around the streets of the Devildom by yourself, but they let you go. Maybe this was more of his brother's faults than he thought, but he didn’t have time to argue with them. 

“We have to find them. Mammon, Asmo, and Levi, you take the upper side of town, Beel, Belphie and Satan, you take the lower side, I’ll stay in the middle and look around. If any of you find them, you call me immediately and tell me exactly where you are. Now go.” He’s hoping that you hadn’t gone far, that nothing terribly bad has happened to you, although their words of the connection with you fading has him beyond worried, and he’s almost terrified of what he or his brothers will find if they do find you. There’s only one reason why pacts would fade, and that’s a reason that he doesn’t want to dwell on too long. If he starts believing that you’re dead already, he’ll give up, his brothers will give up, and that’s something they can’t risk. As long as there’s some type of feeling… no matter how faint, it means that you’re still alive. You’re somewhere, and they’ll find you, and hopefully it won’t be too late. 

The groups dispersed and Lucifer went out on his own, searching everywhere and anywhere for you. Places he never would have stepped foot in, he was right there. He was on edge, and every second that passed just set him further into a panic. “Where…?” Where could you possibly be? None of the brothers had texted him, so they clearly hadn’t found you either, and he was starting to feel hopeless, like he would never find you, and if he or they ever did, you surely wouldn’t be breathing. His brain was fogged with worry, and he couldn’t even begin to think of where you could have ended up, or what could have happened to you. At this point, he was walking through the streets in a daze, he wasn’t even watching where he was going, and that’s when he ended up in a back alley that was almost too dark to navigate. It led to a dead end though, and just as he was about to turn around and walk back out onto the street something caught his eye. A single shoe sticking out from behind a pile of rubbish, and he felt the bile rise in his throat as his blood began to boil. He knew without a doubt that it was you, he knew those shoes, and he knew they were yours, and he immediately ran over, pulling your body up off the ground. “Y/N…” 

He could barely hold himself up on his own two feet anymore, just the sight of you like that had made him weak, and he was seeing red. If he hadn’t known any better, upon first look he would have thought that you were dead, but your heart was still beating, although feably. “Just… hold on a little longer… Okay?” Did you even hear him? Your entire body was limp, and even though he knew there was still some life in you, it was fading fast, and you already appeared lifeless, and you weren’t responding to him at all. He had hoped for the best, but no amount of preparing could have gotten him ready for this. 

There was no time to rush to the castle, and until he knew just who exactly had done this to you, he didn’t trust anyone in the Devildom except Lord Diavolo, Barbatos, and his brothers. His arms wrapped around you tightly as he zapped you and himself to the castle, standing in the entryway, and he didn’t even know what to do, and he couldn’t find his voice to call out for the butler, so he was more than grateful when the demon walked around the corner and kind of froze when he saw him standing there with you. 

He wasn’t the type that asked for help, but in this instance, there was nothing else he could do, and even though he couldn’t voice the word, he was pleading to Barbatos with his eyes to do something, anything to fix you, to make you better. “Right.” Was all the butler said as he rushed over to grab you from his arms, but he wouldn’t allow it. Wherever Barbatos planned on taking you, he would go to. All he needed was for the butler to lead the way, and he would follow. The last thing he wanted was to be away from you again. 

Hours, days, weeks passed by, and he never left your bedside. You had been laid up in one of the guest bedrooms of the castle, it had been turned into a makeshift hospital room, the slow, steady beeping of the heart monitor had been the only sign to him and his brothers that you were still alive. Other than that, you were lifeless, a shell of the person that you used to be. “Lucifer, it’s alright if you go back home. Y/N will be fine here, and you’re just making this harder on yourself sitting there and staring at them.” Diavolo’s voice sounded from the doorway of the room, and for once, Lucifer disagreed with him. He deserved all the pain that came along with seeing you like this because it was his fault that you ended up like this in the first place. 

“I’m staying here until they wake up. It’s the least I can do.” You were always there for him and he had shooed you away, he had pushed you away, and this is how you ended up because of that. He’ll sit by your bed for another week, for another month, he doesn’t care how long it takes, because when you do wake up he wants to be the one you see first. “Lucifer, I understand… but your brothers need you back at the house. They’re just as upset about this as you are.” As if he didn’t already know that. They weren’t just upset about what happened to you, they were upset with him, as they should be, because he was the reason behind it. That wasn’t the thing that was keeping him from going back though, it was you. You were keeping him from leaving, because he refuses to go back to the house when you’re not there, because as much as his brothers and you need him, he needs you and his brothers just as much. 

“Lucifer…” He had fallen asleep, and it happened so scarcely that once his eyes shut, he found it difficult to open them again even if he did feel fully rested… but that voice… it wasn’t Diavolo’s, it wasn’t his brothers, it was weak… soft, almost a whisper. It was you. He sat up straight, his eyes shooting open to look at you, and a sigh of relief escaped him when he realized that it wasn’t just a dream, that he hadn’t heard your voice calling his name in his head. You were awake, and you were saying his name, and Father, it sounded so sweet. “Y/N… I’m…” How does he say he’s sorry? Would you even accept it if he did? Why would you? Why should you? He didn’t expect you to, but he still felt the need to say it. To push his pride aside for once and actually own up to his mistake, because this was the biggest mistake he had ever made. 

“I know you’re sorry…” You had said it for him, before him, but it wasn’t enough. He needed you to hear it from his own voice, because this past month as he sat beside your bed wondering if you’d ever wake up again, he realized that he doesn’t just need you, and he doesn’t just care about you. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean what I said… and I hope that you can forgive me.” Because he loves you, and he never wants to go through the fear of losing you again. He needs you more than you’ll ever need him, and although his pride would never allow him to say it out loud, it’s the truth, and he doesn’t know what he’d do without you. 

[kursed-curtain]

You'll Find Somewhere Better

The sort of parallel fic to It'll Get Better by @captmickey, detailing the events that happened within Brotherhood.

Warnings for alcoholics and more detailed descriptions of minor...violence? I don't know what to call it.

-=+=-

Sometimes Ken questioned why he took up squireship in the first place - and why he continued to return day after day.

Sir Rupert was probably just bad luck when it came to knights who were taking in squires, Ken knew that was a possibility. Unfortunately, Ken came to that conclusion a bit too late. Ignoring his questions was normal - he was used to people not wanting to answer. However, with the lack of any action taken, the complaints about Ken's mumbling, the insistence that Ken only do simple chores to 'teach him about the knighthood', Ken saw through it all.

The only reasons he never looked for another knight were his doubts, those worries that other knights would be the same - or an even worse experience.

That, and another reason. One he felt terrible thinking about. 

He shook those thoughts away. No need to worry if he can't deal with them right now. He had a job to do.

Ken lifted the flap of the knight's tent, coughing from the dust he swore he had cleaned up yesterday, only to find that the tent was barren. The lantern had been recently snuffed out, and attached to it was a note.

Heading out to town. DON'T come looking. - Rupe

Well, Ken wasn't known for disobeying instructions. In fact, he knew very well he could take this as a day off and go on without any repercussions. However, he was also known for being too investigative for his own good - and this sounded far too suspicious not to look into. 

Thankfully, Sir Rupert had left the general location on the note. A bit of a witless move, especially if he didn't want Ken coming to find him. 

Even if the destination had been narrowed down to just the town, the place was still sizable, with numerous buildings. Ken asked around, inquiring if they had seen any knights wandering town. Most shook their heads, or simply ignored him entirely, but one rose at the question. 

"Most of the knights like to settle at the local Oh What A Knight Tavern in the evenings," One lady said, "I think they renamed it that recently due to the spike in popularity. That there might be your best bet."

Ken's face lit up - finally, a lead. "Thank you, miss." He hastily waved goodbye, then sped down the winding road towards the tavern. He kicked himself a little for not considering it earlier, of course someone like Sir Rupert was spending his time on entertainment while supposedly 'on the job.'

He opened the door to a building bustling with armor-clad patrons - drinking themselves to death, some dancing on tables, others drooling on the floor. He stepped over one customer who had become the unfortunate tipsy doormat to the establishment. Ken kept himself straightened, holding himself high and focused despite how uneasy the place made him.

Across the room was a crowd of knights, chanting and pounding their fists. Keeping a safe distance away, Ken peeked through to see what the fuss was about.

In the middle of the circle was just who Ken came to see, doing exactly what he didn't want to witness. Rupert was lying on the bar counter, one leg sprawled lengthwise and the other crossed over and propped on his heel. He was chugging what looked to be his fourth ale, as evident by the upturned tankards across the floor. With armor dulled from alcohol staining and helmet being used for… purposes other than the ones intended, seeing a knight do something so heinous made Ken want to hurl.

Ken tapped one of the tipplers on the pauldron. They barely turned around, only waving him away. Ken moved to another patron, asking if they could inch a little so he could pass through. Again, they barely budged.

From a gap in the crowd, Rupert whipped his head in Ken's direction, wild-eyed and on a mission. "Move aside, scumbags! I think there's a twig here that I gotta snap in half…" 

The crowd of people parted for Rupert, who stood on the counter so he towered over everybody else in the establishment. Rupert stepped on Ken's hand, pinning it down with a rusted metal boot so it hurt to struggle. Rupert leaned on his knee. He gestured for the rest of the crowd to come closer.

"Look who's decided to show up!" Rupert's words slurred together at the ends. He grabbed Ken's upper lip, metal gloves like prongs gripping his face. "Didn'tcha read my note?" Rupert turned back to the crowd. "Either the bookworm's blind, or he's got poor reading completion!"

"It's comprehension," Ken muttered. Rupert, drunken fire in his eyes, dug his boot deeper into Ken's skin - To teach him a lesson, presumably, but all Ken learned was that he regretted doing all that shoe sharpening. 

Rupert let go of Ken's lip, making Ken snap back like elastic. When he got his bearings, Ken crossed his arms, "I'm here wondering why you're out at the pub instead of out helping people."

Rupert scoffed, "Why should I? Why not anybody else here?"

"It's your job," Ken resisted lashing out at them. "And with the amount of knights not doing their jobs, the kingdom will fall to ruffians and thieves. So I recommend you get back to work before your homes are ransacked."

Silence. Ken smirked - he had left them stunned, unable to speak. Maybe he had taught them a lesson, maybe he had made an impact.

That was until the room erupted into laughter. 

Rupert roared over the crowd. "Everybody, I think the 'boss' wants to crash the party! Before it's even begun! What do we say to that?"

The knights booed Ken. Rupert turned to the other knights, raising his tankard so quickly that it spilled all over Ken, standing stiff like a wet dog. Slack-jawed, Ken tried to speak up over the hollering. Instead, all he got were knights swarming, taking turns to jab at him. 

"You don't got enough strength to be our boss!" Said one, flexing an arm in his face.

Another spat at his clothes. "Tell me what law that one falls under!"

That was it, that was all it took to break Ken's polite mask. "If this is all the knighthood is - the insults, the buffoonery, the laziness - then I don't want to work under some… some muttonhead like you!" He threw his hands into the air, spouting out the biggest thought in his mind, "I quit! I quit being your squire! Now you'll have to shine your weaponry all by yourself."

Rupert sat down on a barstool, still towering over Ken, and said, "It's not that hard to find another poor schmuck who needs the 'experience.' Besides, maybe they'll know when to shut their mouth." Rupert flicked Ken on the nose. The rest of the knights laughed in agreement. 

Soaking wet, fuming, and full of a newfound hatred to the knighthood, Ken stormed out of the Oh What A Knight Tavern. What knights they were, Ken thought.

He knelt down on the grassy road, sandwiched between a tree and the riverbank. He splashed his face - one, two, three, four times - then slumped onto the tree behind him.

Who knew that knights were so… unbearable? He thought that maybe it was just his luck, or a lack of it, that led him to working under the worst knight imaginable. Now he knew that it wasn't just Rupert. Good riddance, he supposed.

Then, the horrid thought hit him. The one he didn't want to think about, yet the thought always weaseled its way into his mind.

…What would his parents think? What would his father think? The squireship was so important to his future, his career. It was all supposed to be good for him - and he gave it all up for such a stupid reason.

He wasn't ready for the humiliation. He was too scared to head home. 

He curled up there, hidden behind a tree, hugging his knees. He held himself, held his breath. His eyes burned. He was choking up and he hated it. Useless tears, not even for a good reason. A good knight wouldn't show weakness - they would stand strong, stand tall for the kingdom. (Was there even such a thing as a good knight? He couldn't tell anymore.)

Ken stayed there and cried until the sun, and any of his remaining hope, had left him, for a question lingered in his mind - Where could he go from here?