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chubbology · 4 years ago

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Getting Big

prompt: someone discovering they're a feeder as their feedee partner gets bigger

Sometimes you’re both in bed, distracted and ignoring each other on your phones or laptops, when you notice. Your eyes lift from your phone and notice your partner’s relaxed belly, rising and lowering with calm breath, stretching the fabric of their shirt. Really stretching it now, not just with every inhale, but by default. Not just pushing the seams a little with chubbier hips, but forcing the cotton to bow out close to its limit, forcing the stitching to cave into a belly button deeper and softer-looking than you remember. And your eyes inevitably take in the rest: thicker thighs, more shapely chest, less defined arms, softer jawline.

You’re aware that your partner’s gained a little weight. More than a little, but it’s fine. Probably thirty or so pounds, not a big deal, and you absolutely don’t judge them for it. Have they mentioned it at all? No, they just keep tugging at their shirts and pants. And underwear. Their underwear is getting too small for them, with weight gain making them a bit of a pear and all, but you don’t say anything. You don’t say they need bigger underwear. You don’t tell them how much you appreciate the fact that they need it. As long as they stay mum on the subject of their weight and the fit of their clothes, so will you; that’s your rule.

Sometimes you’re both in bed, watching TV, and they’re eating their way to the bottom of a quart of appallingly flavored ice cream (super-caramel-quadruple chocolate-chunk type stuff), and you keep sneaking glances. Because you’re amazed they’re comfortable enough around you to eat freely like this—or so you tell yourself. Their eyes are so glazed with distracted pleasure that maybe it didn’t even occur to them not to gorge themselves tonight, right in front of you.

Not gorging themselves like some kind of pig—no, it’s just, you both ordered a lot of takeout just a couple hours ago, and then they snacked on chips for a while, and then there was that candy bar they ate on a whim while you took out the trash, and now it’s a whole quart of ice cream. A whole quart. The more glances you sneak at them, the more you notice how their budding second chin peeks out when they chew. The more you notice that their bites seem hasty, as if tinged by some kind of distant, unconscious desperation.

You lean against them as if too tired to stay upright, reaching over them casually, letting one arm rest against their belly. It’s soft. It’s bigger. Not a big deal at all, you tell yourself for the millionth time.

And yet, you ponder their weight more. You’ve been pondering it incessantly. You can’t stop thinking about how they went to the mall two weeks ago without telling you, bought clothes a size up, and already were uncomfortably tugging and pulling on on every tight band and seam again. You can’t stop your thoughts from wandering to the idea of them sizing up again any more than your partner can stop their hands from opening another package of cookies.

“Ugh, this stuff is so good,” they mutter, swallowing the last bite, then closing the lid on the carton and setting it aside.

“Mm. I’ll buy more then,” you say without thinking. It’s fine if they size up again, after all. You’ll love them no matter their body type. Their happiness comes first. “I’m going to the grocery store anyway.”

A couple months later, going to the grocery store is not a chore to you, but a fun outing. You never used to even go down the junk food isles if you were by yourself, but now you scour them carefully. You place things in the cart you know your partner will like, and consider new brands and products they might like to try. It’s all so colorful and thrilling to actually buy. You tell yourself you might even try some of it and ignore the intrusive thought of your partner sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night again to binge on half the goodies themselves.

What niggles at you isn’t that you’re buying way too much junk food for your partner, who’s a little overweight now. It’s not as if they’ve told you to stop, or have implied they want to lose weight, or have said anything about any of it at all. That’s the thing: you’re in uncharted waters, and they haven’t told you a word about whether they fine with the way the tide was turning or whether they were actually really concerned that they were getting heavy and a little jiggly and they didn’t know what to do about it, let alone have the wherewithal to say, Honey, stop buying junk food. I’m getting fat.

Just the thought of the word makes you blush at the box of Fudge Covered Twinkies you’re holding. You quickly set them back on the shelf. Twinkies were practically the poster food for getting fat, right? Surely, your partner would suspect something, even though there wasn’t anything to suspect. You just know that they like food, particularly food that’s soft and sugary and addictive, and what better, cheaper food to comfort them with than Twinkies? No, it wouldn’t be good for their waistline, but you can already see their eyes fluttering closed at the taste—which was probably not even good, but that was hardly the point, was it?

Compromising, you buy a limited edition blue-stuffed brand of Twinkies instead, preparing an excuse that you thought the novelty of it was amusing and wondered if it was good.

But later that night, your partner eats six of them while you play video games and doesn’t mention the novelty of it at all. Your character dies stupidly and your partner laughs at you, belly jiggling as they do. You swallow, eyes fixating on their fat thighs. There’s no other word for them—they’re fat. Their thighs have gotten fat, just like their belly got fat, just like their hips and chest and arms and even their neck and face has been rounding out with so much chub. They were fat and they did eat like a pig, and all signs pointed to more weight gain. They were going to keep gaining weight, and when was it going to stop? When you finally decided enough was enough? When their doctor told them to take control? Yeah, so, you could imagine them awkwardly saying, coming home from the doctor, I guess I gotta lose weight. Maybe they would be holding a pamphlet on obesity or something, looking ashamed.

And maybe they would try at first. You would help. They’d exercise a little here and there, maybe only eat one Twinkie instead of six, maybe not ask for takeout so often. But it wouldn’t last. The second their will broke, yours would too. And you’d both be in bed, distracted by nothing but endless waves of pleasure that your sex life hadn’t known in a while, them leaning back against the headboard, eating every fattening thing you had to offer, which would be many, many, as many fattening things as they’d agree to swallow down like they glutton they were becoming.

“Babe?”

You blink.

“You okay?” they say with that chubby face of theirs, a face that said, I’ve been gaining so much weight, and you’re really aroused.

“I’m glad you like those,” you stutter. You look at the Twinkies box, and so do they. Your mouth keeps moving without forethought. “I’ll buy you more next time. Any other flavors you like?” You set down your controller and push your hand into their hair affectionately. Since they’re slouched, they look up at you, and you lower your hand to the back of their neck, touching the bulge of the fat there. “Want me to get you your favorite ice cream? I know you had a long day at work.” You stand and head for the kitchen, ignoring your partner’s confused ums and wells.

You open the freezer and get one of many ice cream quarts. Thanks to you, the fridge and freezer have been stuffed to the gills with crap, but you can’t regret it, not when it makes your partner look perpetually stuffed to the gills too. You get a spoon and sit down next to them again, brain fuzzy with want. “You’ll feel better when you finish this. By the time you do, I’ll finally finish this damn level.”

“I’m—I’m not…” But the look in their eyes is conflicted. “I’m not that hungry, really.”

You laugh. Your body is buzzing. “Please. With you, when you eat and when you’re hungry are completely unrelated. Let’s make it a competition! Finish before I do. Go!”

“What?”

You’re already starting the level over, thinking to yourself What the hell? Don’t make them eat if they don’t want to. Even if they do want to, even when they’re full, because they’re greedy and addicted, gonna get obese soon—

A minute passes, and they’re sitting up, belly folded in rolls on their lap, looking poised to either stand up and put the ice cream away or rip the lid off and devour it all.

“Eat it,” you say innocently, or try to. It mostly comes out like a pathetic attempt at sounding not-horny.

You glance over, and they still look conflicted, so you lean over and kiss them on their tubby cheek. “Go ahead,” you say, quieter. You meet their eyes. “Don’t you want to?”

They look taken aback now, flushed. All at once, they seem aware of their blubbery, overweight body, and they shift on the couch. You forget the game and lean in again, kissing them on the lips, then deeper as they lean into you. “I know you want to,” you whisper. You cup their fattened hip, squeeze it gently. “I bet you really want to.”

They’re blushing really hard now, gone shy and speechless. So you move closer to them, and since their head is lowered to avoid your eyes, you land a sweet peck on their bulging second chin. Then you peel off the lid of the carton, tear the plastic off, and push the spoon satisfyingly into the over-processed sugar that has been fattening your partner out of their clothes so well.

Despite their air of reluctance, they eat the spoonful you offer as if on instinct. They squirm with pleasure, and your breath hitches when their plump hand twitches out to take the spoon away from you when you don’t use it quick enough. You scoop them another bite. Then another. The room is quiet except for the game in the background and your rapidly beating heart. Their eyelids lower, and you murmur encouraging words to them. That’s it. It’s good, huh? Big bite... The experience seems no less momentous to them than to you, and so you keep going. Their eyes drift shut and so you guide their mouth to open at the right times. Eventually, your cooing gets bolder.

“I know how much you like this. Like eating. Eating a little too much.”

Their mouth pauses around the spoon, but their eyes don’t open. They swallow and wait for the next bite.

“And I know you get up in the middle of the night sometimes, just to eat,” you say. “Eat and eat until your clothes feel tight and your stomach’s queasy, right? You always come back to bed so uncomfortable, tossing and turning, panting a little. Holding back little burps. I wake up and all the junk food I bought is gone.”

Your partner leans into to your next spoonful, then takes it from you. Without meeting your eyes, they start eating from the tub themselves, at twice your pace. You smooth your fingers through their hair. Then rub a hand down their arm, which was now sausage-like with so much fat clinging to it. But it’s squishy, when you pinch it. No firmness anywhere you can see.

“I’m sure you know you’re getting big, baby. You’re getting big. But that’s okay.” You rub your hands over their belly, their hips, their rolls of back fat. “You just keep eating as much as you like.”

And after another pause, they nod.

#weight gain #fic #askbox prompts #genderless #reader feeder #nonbinary gainer

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newfruits · 8 years ago

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ive found that in a day i burn 2600 to 2800 calories thanks to my fitbit and thats like. without exercising

#i need to actually exercise rip. and maybe stop binge eating.#i have an appt to see a dietician next week or so. which is great and all but. i KNOW how to eat well!!#im well aware of what i should and shouldnt do. but depression and living circumstances make things difficult lol #the problem isnt me not knowing how to take care of myself. the problem is i know and i still cant do it!!!!#t #glub glub

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tempestsreach-blog · 3 years ago

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Fuck Diet Culture

This is going to be long. It’s going to be rambly. It’s going to be sad. It’s going to be angry. There’s going to be language some people don’t like. I can’t NOT talk about it though.

Fuck diet culture. Let me say that again. Fuck. Diet. Culture. It has taken such a huge chunk out of my life. I have lost pieces of myself I’m not sure I’ll ever get back. The only way to heal is to go through. I can’t go back. I have to move forward. But I can’t do it quietly. I can’t hide. I can’t live in the same shame I’ve spent the last 40 years in. Literally. 40 years of my life wasted to this. I can’t bear to live the back half of my life in the same way. What the hell is the point? I’m not going to write this in any particular order because all of the thoughts and feelings swimming around are snapshots of things in my life that diet culture has broken in me or stolen from me. A lot of you aren’t going to agree with me. That’s okay. Truly. This is about ME. This is to help ME heal. You can talk to me about your struggles, your diets, your ups and downs, your successes and whatnot. I am here for you in all of it. But I won’t diet with you anymore. Never again.

Currently I am having severe knee pain. One knee is worse than the other, but both are bad. I should go to the doctor. I should have gone to the doctor years ago for it. Want to know why I didn’t? My weight. I have injuries from overuse and over exercise and I am terrified that I am going to go to the doctor and the first words they’re going to say are “Well, if you lost 20, 30, 40, 50 pounds, it probably wouldn’t hurt so much.” instead of listening to me, examining me, scanning my knees and HELPING me. I don’t feel this way irrationally. This shit happens. I am in pain. I don’t know how to get help without being told to go on another diet that will not work.

Because diets don’t work. Not long term. I am excellent at losing weight! I’ve done it over and over and over. Then I stop restricting, counting, starving, and pushing myself. Then my body says “What the fuck were you doing?” and puts it back. I lost the ability years ago to know whether I’m actually hungry or not. I eat too fast when I do eat because if I snarf it down super fast I can get it in before my brain says “You’ve had too much. Did you count those calories? How many miles on a treadmill will you do to make up for that? Did you actually earn this meal?”

Every time. Every meal. Every morsel.

I have never been officially diagnosed with an eating disorder. Only been told by therapists and psychiatrists that I definitely engage in disordered eating.

No shit.

Every diet under the sun. Cabbage soup. Phen Fen. Weight watchers (MULTIPLE TIMES), TOPS, Noom, My Fitness Pal calorie counting, intermittent fasting, and every whacky bullshit thing in between promising results. I’ve purchased fancy scales. I’ve even tried one that wouldn’t show you your weight, but the color of your progress in the app. Here’s a hint… if you gain, your color is black like death. I’ve failed a million times and I’ve blamed myself. I am the failure. So I hate my body a little more every day and I stress about how I’m going to NOT pass my disordered eating and my food issues onto my kids. My stress levels are through the roof and 98% of it is diet culture related. What the fuck is that about? Every time I start a program I hit it hard. Last time I tried anything involving tracking or counting I was so starving by the time I got home from work that I almost ripped a child’s head off (not literally OBVIOUSLY) but I screamed at her at the top of my lungs because she hurt my feelings. It wasn’t until after finally allowing myself to eat another morsel of food that I realized I was hangry.

Why is living in a larger body not acceptable? We all talk about diversity and equality as though we believe it with our whole hearts, but that doesn’t cross over to fat. Or skinny if we’re really being honest. How many times have you heard or seen online “Oh my god, she’s so skinny. Feed her a damn cheeseburger! She looks anorexic.” I know I have. I know I’ve said those words. I will punch myself in the gut if I ever say them again.

Every body is different. We are supposed to be. Let’s not BLAME genetics like it’s a bad thing. Let’s realize that it’s what nature has intended. My father is over 6 feet tall and a large man. He’s just a big man. He went on Nutri System when I was young, lost a ton of weight, and put a bunch back on over the years because he is a big man. My mother was not tall, but was always large. I hated her body because HER PARENTS told her all the time she was fat and unworthy and cautioned me not to grow up to be like her in any way. Even when she was poor and homeless she was still large. That was the way her body was. I wonder how different her life might have been if the size of her body hadn’t been a factor in the way she was raised or treated. How might that have made my life different?

I know a lot of you are probably rolling your eyes at me right now about being vocal about another health plan or saying to yourself “just because you have trouble with diets doesn’t mean they don’t work” I know there are people close to me thinking “She just always gets excited when she discovers a new diet, that’s probably what this is.” NO.

This is me finally realizing that I can heal and healing doesn’t mean I need to weigh 157 pounds. (That’s the weight limit for women my height to enter the air force when I did in 1992) This is me finally realizing that I’ve been lying about the weight on my drivers license for 30 years because gods forbid anyone saw my real weight on that document. This is me realizing that I’ve spent my life trying to live up to other people’s ideals of what I should look like because I assumed they wouldn’t like me otherwise. This is me realizing how much unintentional harm I could have been doing when sharing another diet, another idea, another bout of “well this is working really well for me!” with people I care about. This is me realizing how much damage I’ve been doing to myself living with this level of shame for 40 years. Hiding what I’m doing. Suffering in silence. Hiding food. Restricting. Binging. Over exercising to compensate. Spending money on one last diet. Spending emotional energy on one last hope. We were in Las Vegas for what was supposed to be a fun vacation last week and I was so hot and miserable and so steeped in hating my body because my painful knees were betraying me that my internal monologue was a never ending loop of “I’ll hit weight watchers REALLY HARD when we get home and get rid of this weight, then I’ll figure out my knees and work on maintenance” Let me say that again, clearly. I struggled to enjoy my vacation because I was obsessing about restricting food AFTER my vacation. One last time. One last meal.

BULLSHIT.

We walked by shops with weird and pretty fashion dresses. (I freely admit I don’t understand fashion) the husband and I would both point out ones we thought were pretty. My brain would get stuck on “Yeah, but they don’t make them in my size” or “Yeah, that would NOT look good on me. It looks fine on that size 0 mannequin” Pretty on other people. Other people are pretty. Not me. Diet culture is pervasive and all consuming. In big ways and little ways. I’m 5 ft 9. I’m not a tiny person at any weight. I’ve always been told I’m too big. Even when I sit, I slouch a little and/or tuck my legs and feet up under me to try to make myself appear smaller and less invasive. This is subconscious. I don’t always realize I’m doing it until my knees remind me. Most of my life has been things that get in the way of my diets. “I should start the diet today, but it’ll have to wait until next week because so and so’s birthday is this week and I want to be able to enjoy that.” or “It’s late fall, I should just start now but first there’s my birthday, and then Thanksgiving, and December happens and there’s all kinds of treats then. Better wait until January, but not the first because that’s new year’s...maybe the following Monday.” or the ever popular “I already had a bad eating day today, I’m a failure. Why bother? Fuck it. I’ll try again tomorrow.” That one was always followed by binging because of the last supper mentality. If I’m starting a diet tomorrow I better eat EVERYTHING NOW. This is how I’ve lived my whole life. The time not spent dieting was just the time in between diets where I was planning my next diet. So much life wasted. The only time I was not actively dieting or planning the next diet or suffering from “I’m just too exhausting to put effort into food right now” was during my 4 pregnancies. I let myself eat whatever and whenever because I was nauseous all the time anyway and something in my brain made me fuel my body for the babies. When the youngest was born and the on call doctor who delivered her told me I was too fat to have my tubes tied I definitely started planning diets again in that moment. I believe now, years later, that my diet and diet culture ruined mind and body is part of what kept me from being as successful at nursing the kids as I wished I had been. I assumed my body was broken and not good enough for my babies. The last time I lost a LOT of weight it was because I didn’t want to ruin someone’s wedding pictures. True story. This was nothing that person felt or anything they told me. IT’s what my brain said to me. It’s how I de-valued myself. There are very few current pictures of me now because I’ve been stuck in a place where I feel shame when I see them. When I’m dead, memories and pictures are all my kids and grandkids will have, and I hate myself too much to let anyone take them. That’s not okay.

I dream about food. I daydream about food. Food I “shouldn’t” eat. Food I “should” eat. When to eat. When not to eat. Every spare ounce of energy is spent thinking about food or hating myself which leads to more thinking about food. I am not in a place where I can prepare dinner for my family right now because it’s too hard to put that much energy into food. I force myself to pick the recipes from the app and get the shopping done via instacart so all anyone else has to do is pull up the recipe and make the food. If I’m looking at the ingredients or trying to prep anything I stare at every individual thing debating whether or not I “should” eat it. This is going to take me a long time to break free from. Today I finally feel like I CAN break free. There is nothing wrong with being in a large body or a small body. Food is not good or bad. Food is food. I have to say these things. I have to repeat them to myself or I fall down the rabbit hole again. None of this is work anyone can do for me. I have to live it. I have to work through it. I have to figure it out. If you read this far, my statement stands. If you’re on a diet, I will listen to your woes and hold your hand and I will not judge you for it. This was very hard to write because I am certain some of you who believe in diets, ways of life, and wellness eating may block me now because I spoke my mind. I’ve clung so tight to the people I love and refrained from being honest and speaking my mind for fear of abandonment. I’ll have to live with it if that’s the case here, because people sometimes need to do what’s best for them. Airing this out is one of those things for me. It’s a scary thing for sure. I also want to say that I’m happy for this to lead to discussion. I’m not going to shut anyone down for wanting to talk to me about this. I am always open to learn new information and see different perspectives. Just know that if I’m emotional and feeling a lot of strong things about how my life has been up to this point, and I am entitled to believe what I believe just as you all are. I’m happy to share sources and books I’ve been reading on the subject. They are not diet books.

Here’s to doing better from here on out.

Here’s to finally being free.

#intuitive eating #anti diet #mental health #fuck diet culture

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years ago

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Surveys #431-432

two biggins’ in one, beware the long post.

Do you own any Funko Pop! figurines? No. How many cats and dogs have you had as pets in your lifetime? I couldn't possibly count the cats. A lot. We've had I wanna say eight dogs through my entire life. Can your mom and/or dad play any instruments, or how about anyone else in your family? No. My older sister played the clarinet in school, though. Have you ever colored in an adult coloring book as a stress reliever? I have, but they don't really affect my stress level. Can you crack crab legs without a tool? UGH EW I hate crab legs. So mushy and just... ew. I don't think I've tried to without a tool. How many light sources are in the room you’re in? Excluding the natural light out my windows, three. What’s your favorite thing to put on bagels? Just your usual cream cheese. Who’s your favorite director? Tim Burton. I love his style. Bats: cute or gross? Bats are SO goddamn cute. What was the last really intense pain you felt? I had a sudden pain in my chest the other day that scared me quite a bit. Would you rather vacation by a beach or a lake? A lake, for sure. How would you feel about traveling abroad alone? I'd be way too lonely. What is your father's middle name? John. Where did your last kiss take place? The airport. Which movie villain do you find the most terrifying? Probably Jason. A masked guy just casually pursuing you with a knife is horrifying to me. If you married your favorite celebrity what would your last name be? Fischbach alskdfla;wer;lkwera;wle Do you stick your tongue out often in pictures? No. Which one of your family members are you closest to? My ma. Would you rather have name brand shoes or name brand clothes? Shoes. It's very important for them to be comfy for me. Are you a good liar? Yes. :x Are you proud of your parents? Yeah. If you could get backstage tickets to ANY concert - which would you pick? If Mom was with me, Metallica. She would actually fucking die if she met them. Like she cried and laughed with joy when she found out about the concert in Raleigh some years ago, and we thought we were going to go, but yeah, money. Which is better: orange or grape soda? Orange cream soda. Grape soda is so gross. Was the last thing you ate hot or cold? It was room temperature. Who was the last person in your house who isn’t family? Our landlord/family friend. I think. What color was the last swimsuit you wore? Black. Can you remember the last song you listened to? I'm listening to "Thoughts & Prayers" by Motionless In White right now. Have you ever been dumped really harshly? Ha, that is a colossal understatement... Can you do a back flip, or anything else of that sort? Definitely not. I couldn't even do stuff like that as a kid. Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? No. What happened to cause you to feel that way about them? ^ Are you more of a phone or a computer person? Computer, for sure. Do you have a job, and if so, where do you work? No. If not, do you want one? Not right now. I want to focus on the gym and getting in shape. Do any medical afflictions run in your family? A whole lot. What’s your favorite Mexican dish? Shrimp quesadillas. Or rice with cheese sauce. Have you ever been to a professional sports game? Yeah, hockey and baseball. Do you prefer pads, tampons or something else? I'm actually conflicted on this right now. I use tampons, but there are reasons I don't really like them and am considering something else. Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? Not me myself, but Mom has. What months were you and your siblings born in? My two immediate sisters were born in April and June. What did you have for dinner last night? Uhhhhh... I want to say I had a chicken pesto bowl? Have you ever had sex in/on a vehicle? No, that sounds so uncomfortable. Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows? No. I don't care about that anymore. Has your town ever flooded? Oh, for sure. Hurricane Floyd from when I was... I wanna say two or three WRECKED my area. Have you ever played at the McDonald’s play place? Yeah. That was a blast as a kiddo. Have you ever taken a picture of snow? Yeah. Do you cry easily? Very. Are you happy with where you live? No. The suburbs suck. I miss living in the country so much. Do people ever mistake you for being a different race? No. Do you hate the last person you kissed? No, she's my best friend in the whole world. What genre is your favorite movie? I actually don't know what it's considered? It's a kids movie, though. Who was the last person you were in a car with? My mom. Do you like the picture on your license/I.D. card? My permit picture is fucking hideous. When was the last time somebody hit on you? *shrug* Was the last person you met a male or female? A guy - my personal trainer. What brand is your underwear? I'm in my pjs, and only a madman would wear underwear to bed. What’s your favorite Thanksgiving food? Just the rolls, really, lol. I'm not a big fan of Thanksgiving foods at all. Do you have a TV in your room? No, because I don't watch TV. Are any of your electronics charging right now? My laptop always is, though I know you shouldn't do that. I need to charge my phone, too. What was the last video game you played? Video game, not computer, I want to say uh... The Legend of Spyro: Dawn of the Dragon? What’s the biggest promise someone’s ever made to you? Did they keep it? To never leave me. He didn't. Google, Bing, or Yahoo? Google. What was the last song you had on repeat? The song I mentioned earlier. Who is your favorite person to watch on YouTube? Markiplier. :') How many college degrees do you want? It'd be nice to have a Bachelor's in SOMETHING, but I'm not returning to school. Three tries was enough money down the drain. Can you wink? Yeah. Do you own any jerseys? No. Have you ever tried to snort Pixie Stix as a child, or even an adult? Uh, no. Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake? No. The last time Jason and I hung out in any capacity was his brother's wife's baby shower, and it's a bad memory. As well, it just reminds me of what I once wanted with him. I'll go to them and be okay, but definitely not thrilled. Has there ever been a time in your life, you felt sexually undecided? Yes, especially in the I want to say 8th grade. I had an inescapable crisis that literally lasted a whole week (or maybe more) forcing myself to believe I was straight, despite already showing but denying bisexual attractions. I was religious back then, so believed if I wasn't straight, I'd go to Hell. Then I came out as bisexual in uhhhh... 2018 I wanna say, and that was a long examination of my feelings. It felt like a massive weight off my shoulders when I accepted it. I felt legit happy. Do you think tattoos and piercings are sexy on the opposite sex? ugggghhhhh yes Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? No. What color are the headphones you have at this moment in time? My earbuds are pink and white. Ever choked severely on something during lunch at your school? No. Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie? Fruits, for sure. My fave is strawberries. What would you say is the color of your favorite bra? I have a pink and black lacy one that is super cute, but it's too small for me right now. It just stays in my drawer. Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? No. What do you usually buy when you go to the dollar store? If I'm stopping there for a snack (which is usually the only time we stop by one), I tend to get a honeybun. Ever peed in the pool? Be honest! No, that is so gross. When you’re older, what kind of house do you want to live in? I want a medium-sized house that's semi-isolated in the woods. I'd love a nice path to walk down and take photos, a catio for Roman or whatever cat I may have in the future... stuff like that. I need lots of nature. Where do you want to get married? In some sort of gothic building, though I'm sure that would be a WILDLY expensive venue, so I doubt that'll happen. Realistically, either in the woods or even a massive flower garden. Do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? Yes. What is your favorite childhood TV show? Pokemon. Honestly, do you like school? No, I didn't. Last thing that made you cry? PTSD. Honestly, are you keeping a big secret right now? No big secrets, no. Last person you took a walk with? Sara, years ago. Have you ever liked someone who didn’t like you back? Oh, have I... Who was the last person to actually pick you up in the air? Probably Jason, honestly. Does any part of your body hurt? My non-existent abs are killing me from exercising yesterday. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a regret what would you do? While it's tempting, hand me the cash. Can you keep a secret? Absolutely. You tell me a secret, you can guarantee I'll be keeping it between you and me. Your favorite romantic movie? The Notebook. How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? I honestly like it. I love the aesthetic of it, and I know people say "well you should celebrate love every day," and while that's right, what's so wrong about nationally designating a specific day to appreciate it? I think it's a very cute holiday. Who was the last person you took a picture with? My sister Katie. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? I haven't worn jeans in yeeeeaaaarrrrssss. When I did though, I loved jeans like that, especially for skinny jeans. Do you celebrate 420?No. Have you ever kicked a vending machine? No. How do you eat Oreos? I prefer to just dip them in milk. If that's unavailable, I separate the two parts, eat the cream, and then the two cookies. Do you wear your shoes in the house? No. Would you survive in prison? Absofuckinglutely not. It's dark, but just to be entirely honest, I'd probably find a way to kill myself. Ever been to Georgia? I've been through it. Do you get your hair cut every month? Not every month, no. It needs a trim right now badly, though.

Current relationship in detail. I'm single and should be. If you were kicked out of your house, who would you call/go to? My dad. List things you spend money on in an average week. Nothing. Rate each of your sexual partners (if any) from 1-10. He was honestly a 10 lmao like I don't have a lot of experience at all, but yeah. Post the last FB group/page that you joined. I actually don't remember because I've been on break from Facebook for around a month. Would you parents be mad if you were in a relationship? No... Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you? I'm sure he has. He dated someone right after me for like... eight months or something? Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to? I think that's very obvious by now. What board games are you good at? Idk, I don't really enjoy board games. Is there a sport/hobby you keep thinking about taking up, but that you’ve never quite gotten around to starting? Definitely no sports, but I've been wanting to get back into video editing. I just... haven't, even though I have the software. Do you think pranks like egging/toilet-papering someone's house are funny or immature? They're incredibly immature. I see zero humor in them. Do you think “sleeve tattoos” are a good idea? They're hot as fuck, man. Is there anything in particular that your parents argue about? What? I'll just say they're divorced for good reasons. Do you ever actually read the “Terms and Services” when you sign up for websites and such? No. If you have a handheld games console (a DS or GameBoy, for example), how often do you use it? Almost never. Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for, what do you say? Realistically, I wouldn't answer because I don't answer numbers I don't recognize. Hypothetically, if I knew it was him, I'd probably say something along the lines of, "Hey J, are you okay?", because something must be seriously wrong if he wants to talk to me of all people. If your best friend was kicked out, would your parents let him/her live with you? Mom absolutely would. Are you afraid of falling in love? I'm terrified of it. Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now? I wish I didn't. Have you ever kissed someone & wished you didn’t? Yes: Tyler. Did you get kissed last night? Haven't been kissed in years. Do you enjoy going through a carwash? Bring out the rainbow soap and it's hype lmao. How did you get most of your scars? My cat, ha ha. He sometimes plays way too rough, and I just scar very easily. Ever had to take an inkblot test? Yes, when I went to a psychologist. Have you ever been in trouble for something you honestly didn’t do? Maybe? Have you ever seriously slapped someone in anger? My sister as a kid on her arm. Safe to say I got in trouble for it. What/who woke you up this morning? Just my body. Who was the last person to be in your bedroom besides you? Mom. What’s one of your locked text messages? da;lsd;fakwer I have one locked from Sara that says something like, "You are so beautiful." I cried. Have you ever finished a game of Monopoly? I think? Jason and I used to play the digital one you could download on the PS3. Is there anyone you know who’s in any way paralyzed? No. I mean, I know of a girl who went to my school who was paralyzed from the waist down in an accident, but I didn't/don't know her personally. She was a MASSIVE deal in my education community. Like you would see "prayers for (name)" on school and church signs. The truth all comes out when someone is drunk, true? Usually true. I sometimes think back on the one time Jason was drunk, and he just told me in the most adoring voice, "I love you, Brittany." It's painful as fuck to remember. I really do wonder if he meant it, given this was in the later half of our relationship. When was the last time you felt disappointed in yourself? Constantly. How about feeling disappointed in someone else? I dunno. For you, do you commonly feel more jealousy or envy? I definitely experience envy more often. Do you rely on the heads/tails flipping of a coin sometimes for decisions? No. Do you have any specific chores you do around the house? I'm supposed to empty the dishwasher in particular. For you, does comfort or fashion come first in dressing? Comfort, 100%. Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other? No. Do you like Laffy Taffy? I do. That sounds pretty good right about now. Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners? Electric. Are your biceps at all noticeable? Yeah, no. Have you ever seen a walrus? Yeah, at SeaWorld as a kid. Did you ever have one of those Easy Bake ovens as a kid? Yeah. My little sister in particular was obsessed. Does your bathroom have a theme to it? No. From inside of your house, how many doors lead outside? Two. Are there a lot of trees in your yard? No. :/ I miss that. Have you ever liked someone that treated you like crap? No. Have a best friend? Yeah. :') Does it bother you when your best friend does stuff without you? That is so childish. Everyone needs space sometimes. But to answer the question, considering she lives many states away from me, obviously not. Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents? Yes. Does anyone hate you? I wouldn't at all be surprised if Jason does. Colleen might, but I really don't give a shit if she does. What’s the one thing you regret more than anything? The way I spoke to Jason after the breakup. If only I could take those letters back. Do you remember important dates? I am VERY bad at dates, doesn't matter how important they are. What’s some lyrics from a song that means a lot to you? "For such a little thing, you sure are in your own way" from a Mother Mother song. Who gives the best advice? Sara. Who do you usually see in your dreams? :) Jason is nearly a permanent fixture. Jeez, I'm bringing him up a lot in this one. I'm surprised my PTSD isn't dragging me into a pit for it. What type of cake did you last eat? Uhhh I wanna say double chocolate? Mom got two slices from the store for me and herself a long time ago. How many of your friends are gay or bisexual? A large number. I don't feel like counting. What’s your favorite type of sandwich? Just your usual peanut butter and jelly. When was the last time someone asked you out? Did you accept or decline? Years ago by Girt. I accepted. Do you like The Offspring? Sure, I like a handful of their songs. One pillow or two? I sleep with two. Do you like Mad Libs? Sure, they can be funny. Are you suicidal? Well damn, just throw that in there. Anyway, no. I'll admit I've had very brief, passive thoughts very rarely as of the late, just wondering if there really is a point to me being here, but I'm not actively suicidal at all rn. Where do your grandparents live? They're dead. When alive though, they lived in Florida and Michigan. Do you cut yourself? And this one? No, I haven't in many years. What is your pet’s name? Roman and Venus. Have you ever been to Canada? No, but I'd love to visit. Aren’t babies overrated? "Overrated" is definitely the wrong word... I don't particularly find a lot of babies cute and I don't want my own, but they're not overrated. Have a built-in pool in your backyard? Never have. Ever won yourself a stuffed animal? Yeah. Ever had someone else win you a stuffed animal? Yes. Ever been to a circus? No. I wouldn't set foot into one. Ever shot animals? I never, ever could. Do you consider yourself intelligent? I USED to. I think I'm dumb as shit now. School knowledge did not latch onto me well, I guess. Have you ever run away from home? Yes. It was so overdramatic. I came back hours later because I had my phone and Mom texted me threatening to call the cops. Do you put family first, friends, relationships, school, or something else? I will never put my mental health behind anything/one again. What’s something you’ve stood up for in the past? When Colleen and I were friends in middle school, we both spoke before the class in absolute disgust at how our classmates were treating our poor substitute teacher. Colleen had AT them, while I was more tame about it but still wanted to bash into their heads that they were all being absolute trash to the poor man. What’s something you worked extremely hard to get? My mental wellbeing. Granted, I'm not exactly "well" now, but once upon a time I was living in the deepest ocean trench as far as depression goes. Are you satisfied with your body image? Hell no. I really, really, really hope loyally going to the gym will help me with that. Have you ever been labeled negatively or otherwise been called something extremely derogatory? Not that I know of. Have you ever seriously taken advantage of someone or been taken advantage of? No. Have you ever been seriously ill? Mentally, immensely. Physically, not really. I've had some nasty stomach bugs, but nothing truly severe. Have you ever befriended a former enemy? Ha, it's funny, I used to hate Jason's first ex/heartbreak for how badly she hurt him. Like she could've been falling off the face of the earth with only me to save her, and I'd let her keep falling. I hated her. Yet now we're Facebook friends and comment on each other's stuff like it's nothing, ha ha. She reached out to me a few years ago to apologize for high school stuff (she also hated me for Juan - her ex or something along those lines - being interested in me instead of her), we chatted a bit, and now I think she's great. If you’re not religious, would you ever pray as a last resort? If you are religious, do you often pray for other people? I don't pray anymore. That's all I'll say to keep this from becoming potentially very offensive. Have you ever dated someone, then after you dated they came out of the closet or switched (for lack of a better word) sexual orientation? I'm pretty sure my middle school boyfriend Aaron is gay, but I'm not certain. He vanished from Facebook a long time ago. Has a boy/girl ever walked a ridiculous distance just to see you? How about vice versa? I tried doing that the night of the breakup. By car, I know it was a seven-minute drive, but walking there, never mind at night, was ludicrous. I only didn't manage because after a few minutes, Mom came after me and kept cutting me off with the car. When was the last time you felt really uncomfortable? Right now. My abs REALLY hurt, and I'm also cramping like a motherfucker after not having a period for 3+ months because of TMS therapy. I'm still pissed about how it had a physical effect on me, but didn't mentally do what it was meant to. Is there anything that your mom is really known for as to how she is as a person? She is very, very loving and lives to help others. Who have you been talking to the most today? Nobody, really. I've spoken with Mom obviously, but for the most part, today's been quiet. Are you nosy? I can be pretty damn nosy, yes. What’s the meanest thing you have done to a friend? Consistently flirted with her boyfriend behind her back. I was 12, okay? If your ex called you crying, what would it most likely be about? THE ex, I have no idea. I don't know what's going on in his life, besides his mother dying quite a few months ago, but I don't see why he'd contact me about that. Who was the best kisser out of all the people you have kissed? Jason. Have you ever been told that you have an annoying laugh? No, but I think I do.

#survey #surveys #random questions

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fitgothgirl · 4 years ago

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September 26, 2020

So I started getting physical therapy at my clinic last week for some back and neck issues. I’ve had neck issues for a while now from a strain I had 2.5 years ago that I didn’t properly take care of, and I’ve also been having more recent back problems from sitting too much and hunching over while typing; my posture is shit. Anyway, physical therapy always involves a good amount of exercises at home, so it’s a good way to get myself moving and exercising, plus it’s in a healing way. And I’m more likely to do them just because I don’t want to go to my appointments without having done my “homework” lol.

I’ve been wanting to go see a psychologist, but sometimes I kind of want to see a dietician more/instead (both of those on top of PT is too much at once, time-wise and money-wise, so I would need to pick). My relationship with food is so dysfunctional and unhealthy. Not only do I need help with meal planning and finding new foods, but I need to address some deeper problems. I feel like I’m just so tired of all food and I’m annoyed with having to decide what to eat everyday, so all I eat is fast, easy, delicious junk. On a occasion I binge until I’m in physical pain (not to the point of BED though, but still not healthy). My digestive system is so messed up, and one’s gut is like a second brain, and maybe more responsible for our emotions than our actual brains. Getting my nutrition in line and working on my relationship with food may help my mental health more than anything, or at least definitely can’t hurt.

And I really need to take a long, indefinite break from weed... I don’t think I’ll buy more after what I have. I’d try to just cut back but that seems to be impossible for me since apparently I can’t control myself, which is why I need to take a good long break. I really feel like it’s stunting me and damaging me. I smoke everyday, usually multiple times, including before work. My chest hurts lately... I always use a bong too so it’s always big rips (and I don’t even keep it clean, which is even worse). I’ve been a daily user for over ten years, with only a few breaks, the longest one being four months. And when I had let myself smoke again, I went straight back to daily use. So I know I can take breaks when I make it completely off limits, but if I allow it all I just go crazy. Maybe after my indefinite break, I won’t even keep it on myself and just smoke when offered at social occasions. I’m not sure yet, but I just know I need to stop for a while. It’s scary though; I don’t even know my adult self without it.

#fitblr #fitness #fit fam #fitspo #fitgoth #health #healthblr #healthy #nutrition #exercise #physical therapy #weight loss #disordered eating #addiction #mine

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deansdorkycas · 5 years ago

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Wholesale Gym Equipment, Exercises to Lose Weight Fast

If you're one of the approximately 67% of Americans that are wired into the internet, there‘s’ a good chance that sometime in the last 24 hours you're received at least one spam email promoting the latest and greatest diet pill or weight loss program.

These diet products promise fast weight loss results, often without any effort or exercise. The never-ending promise of a weight loss pill that actually works keeps us hoping for eventual success.

At the same time, we're continually inundated with news of the most recent diet and how this time it‘s’ really going to work for us.

The South Beach Diet, the Zone Diet, the Atkins Diet, the Low Carb Diet, the Cabbage Soup Diet, the Mediterranean Diet, the LA Weight Loss Diet, the Weight Watchers Diet, the Diabetic Diet, the Low Cholesterol Diet, the Prescription Pill Diet, the 3 Day Diet, the Low Fat Diet, the High Protein Diet, the Maker Diet, the Liquid Diet, the Grapefruit Diet, the Fad Diet, the Blood Type Diet, the GI Diet, the Vegetarian Diet, the Vegan Diet, the Detox Diet, the Dash Diet, the Candida Diet, the Gluten Free Diet, the Hollywood Diet, the Negative Calorie Diet, the 1200 Calorie Diet, the Raw Food Diet, the Phentermine Diet, the High Fiber Diet, the Macrobiotic Diet, the Science Diet, the Lemonade Diet, the Scarsdale Diet, the Diverticulitis Diet and the Fat Flush Diet are all examples of diet plans that promise to help us achieve quick weight loss.

Crash diets, weight loss pills and get-thin-quick gimmicks are more prevalent than ever, yet two-thirds of our population is still overweight. Even more startling is the fact that approximately one-third of the people in our country are clinically obese.

With all of these solutions?available to us, why is it that obesity trends have been alarming enough to prompt the Centers For Disease Control (CDC) to label obesity a national epidemic? Why are we still, as a nation, getting fatter? It‘s’ certainly not because we're not trying.

On the contrary, as a nation, we're trying harder than ever to lose fat through diet and other weight loss products. As reported by CNN on 1-14-05 揂mericans were expected to spend more than $40 billion in 2004 on weight control pills, gym memberships, diet plans, and related foods estimate Marketdata Enterprises, which studies the weight loss industry.? Furthermore, statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) indicate that 80 percent of overweight individuals and almost 87 percent of obese individuals are trying to lose or maintain their weight.

As reported by mygoals.com, 80 percent of Americans made a New Year‘s’ resolution in 2005. A whopping 26 percent of those resolutions were to improve overall health and fitness, making this the top category for self-improvement. This year was no anomaly, either, according to Amy O'Connor, deputy editor of Prevention magazine: "Fifty-nine million people every year resolve to lose weight."

So, is there a healthy diet product out there that will actually work? More than likely, the answer is yes. Although there is quite a bit of fraudulent weight-loss merchandise on the market today, there is also (somewhere out there) a diet program and weight loss plan that will work for us. The challenge is to find that diet product or diet plan.

-> Repeat Business

The diet and weight loss industry is a huge money-making machine. According to Marketdata Enterprises, the annual revenue for the diet industry was over $30 billion dollars in 1990. A 2005 report by Stanford University documents that the consumer diet industry is now approximately $44 billion and growing. With all this money flowing around, haven's we as a country spent enough to fix the obesity problem once and for all?

How can the diet industry keep making more and more money, year after year? After all, $44 billion dollars is a lot of cash! The answer to that question is simple: repeat business. ?8% of today‘s’ dieters gain the weight back in 5 years. 90% of those individuals end up gaining back more than they lost originally, due to the body‘s’ panic and efforts to stabilize metabolic rates over the long term? (Source: Stanford University; stanford.edu).

How do the diet-promoters get all that repeat business? The diet industry is a very unique enterprise in that, when it fails someone, they rarely blame the product. We are hard-pressed to find another business where, if the product doesn's work, we blame ourselves. All too often, after giving up on yet another diet program, we find ourselves thinking well, I guess it’s just not a good enough dieter.?The tendency is for us to believe that we failed the diet rather than the other way around. Weight Loss Exercise, Wholesale Gym Equipment & Wholesale Fitness Equipment https://www.fitness-china.com/wholesale-gym-equipment

Apply this same logic to the automotive industry, and it soon becomes clear just how faulty this line of reasoning really is. What would happen if we take our car in to the mechanic for repairs and when we returned to pick it up he told us that although we still had to pay the bill, he was unable to fix the problem? Would we willing pay the bill anyway and just say h well, I guess it‘s’ just a bad car??Of course not! That would be ridiculous! But that‘s’ exactly what we do when it comes to diets.

-> One Size Does Not Fit All

What we need to realize is that there is probably a weight loss product or weight loss plan out there that will work for us, but it may not be the same one our friends or co-workers used. To find the best weight loss program for us, we absolutely must realize that one size does not fit all. What worked for our sibling or spouse may not work for us, and what works for us may not work for them. It‘s’ probably safe to say that any diet supplement has helped somebody, but it‘s’ also true that no weight loss drug or plan has helped everybody. Each person has a unique metabolism and very individual nutritional needs, so no single plan will work for everyone.

-> How To Find The Right Weight Loss Diet

Some fat burner products on the market today do indeed work. Others are a complete rip-off. How do you tell the difference? Where do you go for accurate and reliable weight loss information?

First and foremost, talk with your doctor. Your own personal physician is likely to be honest with you and provide you with the facts. In addition, he or she can help you decide which weight loss supplement may be right for your personal situation. There are also quite a few reputable organizations that provide accurate information on fat loss. Some of the better resources include:

American Cancer Society - www.cancer.org

Get a subscription for Wholesale Gym Equipment Men’s Fitness Magazine

Centers for Disease Control - www.cdc.gov

Diet Scam Watch - www.dietscam.org

Calories Per Hour - www.caloriesperhour.com

Harvard Medical School - www.health.harvard.edu

Mayo Clinic - www.mayoclinic.org

Shape Up America - www.shapeup.org

Calorie Control Council - www.caloriecontrol.org

President‘s’ Council On Physical Fitness - www.fitness.gov

When seeking a healthy weight loss plan, it‘s’ important that no food be strictly forbidden. There should not be any (or many) foods that we avoid completely 100% of the time. Why? Because that sets us up for failure! For example, if fudge is one of our favorites and we force ourselves to NOT eat fudge at the holiday party, then for many of us what we've done is set ourselves up for a binge fudge-festival.

Avoiding our favorite foods entirely is too much self-deprivation for most people, and this sets us up for binge-eating. That's a recipe for disaster! A much better approach is to enjoy foods in moderation. Watch those serving sizes! Enjoy and savor one piece of fudge! It's better to enjoy one piece of fudge and then stop than attempt to deprive ourselves entirely, only to end up eating the whole pan.

A good diet and nutrition program will also help us keep in mind the cost of the foods we eat. We're not talking about dollars and cents here, but the FITNESS cost of the food. When picking up that fudge, keep in mind what it will cost to enjoy it. When picking up a plate at the buffet table, let's take a moment to pause and think to ourselves: "The cost of this fudge will be an extra _____ minutes of exercise.....is that worth it to me?" Maybe. Maybe not. That's for each of us to decide on our own.

Wholesale Gym Equipment and Keep Exercise and Physical Fitness

The point is that we should be conscious of our food decisions. No foods are forbidden entirely, but we do need to watch our portion sizes and carefully consider the cost of each food. Any good weight management program will incorporate these concepts and also will be approved by your doctor. One such plan is the Running Start weight loss program offered by Pick Up The Pace. This nutrition program has six 12-week uses. You can use them all yourself, one after another, or share with a friend. The program has weekly updates, menus you can personalize, and printouts. The menu selector counts calories, protein, carbs and fat. The foods list is among the most comprehensive on the market.

This Running Start Nutrition Counseling software is simple to use and will help keep you accountable. The program retails for only $49.99, which translates to less than 70 per week. The software includes:

Printable 25 page manual titled finally, The Truth About Weight Management?

The printable 31-page manual is full of facts about vitamins & supplements!

Printable 28-page software user guide!

72 weeks of personalized menu creation!

Use all 72 weeks yourself, or share with up to 5 friends!

Choose your dietary preference! This software lets you choose the foods you like!

Not another set?- but a real nutrition education!

-> How To Find The Right Weight Loss Supplement

Perhaps even more so than with weight-loss diets, when searching for weight loss supplements it is critical to rely on the advice of your physician. The careful and supervised use of weight loss diet pills, combined with a sensible diet and regular exercise, can lead to quick weight loss and even easy weight loss (or at least easier than you expected).

Beware, however, the supplement scams on the market. It seems that every time we turn around we are blasted and bombarded with the latest, greatest, new and improved treatment for obesity. The gimmicks just keep coming. The sad truth is that few of these products work. Even fewer will result in real, permanent and lasting fat loss. A very few of the weight loss gimmicks on the market today are not only a consumer rip-off, but they are also quite dangerous.....even deadly.

Wholesale Fitness Equipment Optimize Your Health and Weight Loss

As an example, consider the prescription diet drug Meridia. Does it help you lose weight? For some people, the answer is yes. For others, the answer is no. Can it kill you? The answer to this question seems to be a nervous 'maybe'. "The consumer group Public Citizen had petitioned the Food and Drug Administration for a ban, citing Meridia users who died of heart problems as young as their 20s and 30s. Even before Meridia was approved for sale, the FDA knew it could increase users' blood pressure, the group contended." (Source: cnn.com) This week the FDA again refused to ban Meridia, even though whistleblower David Graham (an FDA drug safety officer) testified to Congress last fall that his agency was allowing five unsafe medicines to stay on the market, including Meridia.

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Wholesale Fitness Equipment and Keep Health fitness

Yes, ephedra will help some people lose weight. Yes, ephedra is safe for some people in low doses. But there is that little nagging fact that people have DIED and that their deaths have been attributed to ephedra use.....

Yet another example of a dangerous diet drug is steroids. For whatever reason, some people have decided that anabolic steroids are the best way to lose weight. Despite the well-documented and serious side-effects of steroid use, the lure of easy weight loss has caused many to throw caution to the wind. Perhaps the most concerning trend is steroid use among our teenage population: "Teens also listed steroids, growth hormone, amino acids and other potentially unhealthful products among those they'd tried in the previous year." (Source: cnn.com)

There do exist, however, some diet supplements that work and are also quite safe. Again, it is never a good idea to begin any supplementation program without first seeking the advice and approval of your doctor.

Three popular and dependable fat loss products designed to help you lose weight fast are ChromeMate, Lipotropic Plus, and Super L-Carnitine. Chromium helps insulin metabolize fat, turn protein into muscle and convert sugar into energy. ChromeMate, a unique form of niacin-bound chromium, is designed to optimize energy output. It accomplishes this by increasing the amount of glucose available for energy production nearly twenty-fold.

It also is the "master" nutrient for controlling blood sugar, which in turn curbs sugar cravings. What‘s’ more, a study at Auburn University showed that ChromeMate reduced LDL cholesterol by an average of 14%. In fact, ChromeMate has been awarded a patent for lowering cholesterol.

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Without it, fat is unable to penetrate the walls of the mitochondria of the muscle cells. Carnitine is the shuttle that carries fat into your body‘s’ furnaces (muscles) to be burned for energy. Super L-Carnitine increases the rate of fat utilization for fuel.

-> Wholesale Gym Equipment & Wholesale Fitness Equipment, Weight Loss Exercise

In this article, we've been discussing weight-loss diets and weight loss supplements. At this point, it is essential that we add the third and most important component of overall health and fitness: exercise. Exercise is one weight loss method that has never been banned, has never led to an investigation, and has never been listed on a 'whistleblower' fraud report. Exercise is the only path to health and fitness that virtually every doctor in the world agrees upon. Exercise is safe, effective, and brings many more benefits to our lives than diets or drugs ever will alone.

Exercise is fun, invigorating, motivating and the single most powerful way to improve our life and well-being! Yes, it‘s’ quite possible to lose weight without participating in regular exercise. However, diet and exercise combined will help us burn fat faster than we thought possible! Weight loss achieved by regular exercise and diet will be healthy weight loss because of all the benefits we obtain from regular exercise:

Strengthens muscles Strengthens bone Strengthens ligaments Strengthens tendons Strengthens immune system Improves muscle tone Improves endurance Improves strength Improves self esteem Improves confidence Improves balance Improves physical appearance Improves physical performance Improves glucose tolerance Improves circulation Improves memory Lower risk of heart disease Lower risk of diabetes Lower risk of cancer Lower blood pressure Lower cholesterol Lower risk of stroke Lower risk of osteoporosis Lower risk of osteoarthritis Lower requirements for medication Lower risk of injury Lower body fat Helps with sleep disorders Reduces post-operative complications Reduces frequency of illness Prevent Alzheimer‘s’ disease Prevents muscle loss Increases metabolism Eases symptoms of menopause Healthier pregnancy Fewer problems with childbirth Reduces ovulation problems Prevents heartburn

Reaching your ideal weight via a healthy and active lifestyle has been found to lower health risks and medical problems in 90 percent of overweight patients. In addition to the exercise benefits listed above, fit people are eight times less likely to die from cancer than the unfit, and 53 percent less likely to die from other diseases.

Fit people are also eight times less likely to die from heart disease. Without a doubt, regular exercise is the most important piece of the puzzle and the best way to achieve rapid weight loss. Exercise is the safest way to achieve permanent fat loss, and when combined with a sound diet and nutrition program the body is turned into a virtual fat-burning furnace!

-> Conclusion

Fast weight loss is possible if we, under the supervision and approval of our doctor, combine a sensible diet with a diet pill or weight loss pill that is safe and effective. When we combine these three fat-burning strategies it is almost guaranteed that we will experience quick weight loss results.

Of course, there is a staggering amount of information about health, exercise and fitness that still needs to be understood before this topic of rapid weight loss are complete. Several excellent e-books on this subject can be found by going to www.letspickupthepace.com and clicking on the Pick Up The Pace Store? and then fitness Education? links.

#Wholesale Gym Equipment #Exercises #Lose Weight Fast

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austennerdita2533 · 6 years ago

Note

How do you think Rory and Jess are celebrating New Year's? Because they're together, right?! I like to think they are by now!

I’d like to believe they’re together, too! In fact, I’d like to believe it so much that I wrote a thing about it…a oneshot, if you will. The damn thing just poured out of me yesterday. I don’t know what happened, but there was no stopping it lol. Sorry not sorry.

(A03) (FF.net)

Happy New Year, my lovely friend! Here’s some post-revival Literati for you to start off 2019 right. 💗

xx Ashlee Bree

Like A Calendar, The Heart Skips Forward

With drunken crowds, ugly tinsel streamers which hang in windows, and snow that’s beginning to stick to the city streets in inches as deterrents, they decide to spend the night in. At home.

The baby’s with her grandparents tonight, probably high on too much sugar and Dr. Seuss. Knowing Luke, he’s likely baby proofing everything again to be safe while Lorelai’s using scary voices so her granddaughter never goes near the stove (but hey, neither did Rory, and she’s turned out fine, hasn’t she?), so she and Jess have plenty of time to themselves. That’s a rarity these days, especially with a toddler in the picture. Alone time seems possible only at ungodly hours in the morning anymore, or during nap time, or in stolen minutes between hectic work schedules. So they’re grateful to Mom and Luke for the offer to babysit every now and again. And they love to do it, to spoil her little angel rotten with small town affection and attention. All the people of Stars Hollow love it, too.

As for Rory and Jess, they enjoy these adult-only nights. It’s a time to revel in intellect, in intimacy.

They love to tune into the timbre of the other’s conversation and fade into each new day talking, listening. It’s exhilarating to them to share new ideas. To uncover deeper feelings in their relationship, but also for them to reach further into the world to figure out what more they can do. Experience. Be.

Parties hold no charms for them this evening. Neither do bars or over-priced concert tickets. Invites from friends go unanswered because they forget to read their messages. They’re more than content to spend the night far away from the end-of-the-year bombast, anyway, with nothing but each other and the hum of this ratty old radiator for company.

They live in an old building so it’s no one’s fault when a malfunction occurs, as one often does.

Luckily, the heat works fine thanks to Jess and his patient tinkering. (Rory never says it out loud, but she swears he’s inherited this from Luke.) Countless hours he spends bent over tools with a concentrative crease in his forehead because their super, Mel, is a slovenly middle-aged coot who binges too much Netflix and refuses to answer knocks on his door from any of his tenants past 9 P.M. Mel likes to blame this incompetence on narcolepsy, but truthfully, it’s because the couch has molded to his prone body by that point, the television playing episode after episode of Frasier or The West Wing, so why trouble himself to move? Better yet, why not put his ringer on silent and ignore all the incoming calls he receives?

(Spoiler alert: he does.)

Encountering one of the Seven Deadly Sins in an actual person still seems a little ridiculous to Rory, borderline unlikely here; especially in a city teeming full of worker bees who supposedly never sleep, but they’ve managed well enough with the radiator on their own. And by well, she means she’s prone to kicking the darn thing any time it roars like it’s a beast straight out of Kevin McCallister’s nightmares in Home Alone.

It’s cozy and comfortable in the apartment tonight, however. Just the way they like it.

That means Rory’s in her favorite pair of slippers, big cumbersome things with floppy ears and shaggy puppy faces curiously similar to Paul Anka’s. Her hair’s loose, fallen past her shoulders, and her arms are stuffed into an oversized Cashmere sweater. Meanwhile, her boyfriend’s walking around barefoot, half-naked in a pair of boxer briefs and a green v-neck tee, his jeans in a ball near the door, seemingly impervious to the December weather.

Is he secretly a werewolf or something, she wonders? An alien? Or just some weirdo who sweats when it’s only sixteen degrees outside, a furnace for girls like her who huddle closer for warmth and never utter a word of complaint?

Music plays low in the background. It’s a playlist curated on one of their phones. Songs from Bjork, the Clash, the Distillers, so many other new and old bands - their favorites - add to the ambiance of this eclectic space they call home.

A half-edited manuscript perches on the edge of the coffee table. Its pages are blotted with black ink and arrowed notes that spill wide into the margins because Jess had spent the morning editing his latest draft, unsatisfied because his characters aren’t where he wants them to be yet. Books litter the kitchen counter. They sit scattered across the floor in organized piles near shelves that are already overflowing, some still stuffed in paper bags because they’d pilfered a thrift shop earlier and now can find nowhere to store the bulky bastards. (Typical for a pair of bookworms who will never have enough reading material between them.)

Appointment reminders and cute little post-it notes stick to the refrigerator in an array of colors. Most are in Rory’s hand, flourished in cursive or silliness, except for the few Jess added by famous authors or musicians because the words moved him; or because he thought they’d start her day with a pretty thought. A smile. A laugh that’d brighten the blue of her eyes.

The living area’s a messy snapshot of their family life with its stench of stale coffee, cologne, and baby lotion. There’s a jacket thrown over the arm of a plush designer sofa and way too many half-empty boxes of Pop Tarts fighting for space in the cupboard with jars of smooth peanut butter and pureed carrots. A laundry basket holds many of the little one’s toys: choo-choo trains, baby dolls, a Batmobile, three sets of ABC blocks, a Wonder Woman figurine, and a stuffed robot aptly named Bee-Doo.

The remote control is always lost somewhere unknown. They might as well attach a key finder around its middle. Or perhaps they should rip up the floorboards instead - a lá the Tell-Tale Heart - because it never takes less than twenty minutes to find the stupid gadget. Either it’s buried under cushions, kicked under miles of folded clothing or prose, or it’s stuffed beneath pillows with spare kernels of popcorn and pens attached to the buttons. Worse than all of that, though, is how the lost-and-found treasure hunt never seems to diminish their scrolling-for-something-to-watch minutes at all. Not in the slightest!

Later, they order takeout from five of their favorite places. It’s too much food for two people to consume in one meal, but who cares? It’s never stopped her or her mother before, so why start now?

There’s pizza, burgers, Thai, Chinese, and one heaping order from that Indian place she’d found around the corner about a month after they’d moved to Brooklyn. It has the most delicious, pungent food so naturally that leaves Jess scrunching his nose and Rory twinkling appreciatively because he’s caved to her doe-eyed pout for once, her belly and heart happy for getting their way.

“See here, mister: victory is mine! I knew you loved me too much to deny me. Admit it,” she says before pecking him sweetly on the cheek.

“Yeah, yeah,” he says after he pays for the delivery and dumps the bags on the table. “Whatever you say.” He remains noncommittal, but the truth shines in his eyes. “Just don’t complain about the cold when I open all the windows. It’ll take weeks to air out the stink in here—weeks. Probably three.”

“Two.”

“Three,” he fires back.

“Two.”

“Okay, two…maybe.” He brushes hair from her face and lets his fingers linger, then smiles her favorite crooked smile. “If we’re damn lucky, anyway.”

After dinner, they eat cheesecake with a bottle of wine. Ice cream with cones is Jess’s dessert preference usually, but they’re out, so they settle for booze and a tasty variation on dairy to help them compile their to-read lists for 2019. He’s on the left side of the sofa, her on the right. Call it a private, serious exercise. Extra points docked for peeking or flirting.

Such a silly idea it is, really, this hoarding then exchanging of lists. Yet it’s a fun way to pass the hours before midnight. Even more fun when they discover the selections that align, and those that don’t, sending them into a tizzy’d discussion about literature and writers the other still needs to know. Pretty soon, another list follows full of recommended titles Jess thinks she should read in the New Year, and vice versa.

Lane had called them a cute agoraphobic couple once, many years ago, if Rory remembers correctly. And by golly, what a label! If only she were here to see them right now, tangled in warmth and limbs and solitude.

She beams at the memory because that’s what she and Jess were back then. It’s what they still are. It’s who they want to be this New Year’s Eve, and the next…and the next…and for every one after for as long as they can live them like this: in love, happy, and together. They’d live this way forever, if only wishes like this could be granted.

“What I wouldn’t give for a Fairy Godmother right now,” she blurts out without thinking, all wrapped up in blankets and curled tight into his chest. “To have a dash of Disney magic or two in my possession would be supercalifragilistic.”

“Why? You don’t need saving.”

“That’s true.”

“So is it Prince Charming you’re after?” Jess asks with a quirk of the eyebrow.

Frowning, “What kind of girl do you take me for? I’m a feminist.”

“You want to freeze the world like Elsa then, huh? Is that it?”

“No.” Tracing his lips with her forefinger, Rory pauses. Reconsiders. “Well, I mean…only if I got to spend all of that time skating across it with you.”

“You mean falling,” Jess mutters.

“Rude! Read my lips: skating.”

He shrugs then. It’s followed by a smirk. “Impossible things are happening every day…or so it goes.”

Giggling, she shoves him, then covers her mouth with her hands.

“Wow, I can’t believe you’re quoting Whitney Houston from Roger and Hammerstein’s Cinderella. Who are you?”

“Like you haven’t seen it. Give me a break.”

“Many times,” she says, “but that’s not the point. The point is you’ve given a Gilmore ammunition to mock you for the rest of your life. Hasn’t Luke warned you about this? We’re unapologetic mockers, Mom and I.”

“Jeez, you’re mean,” Jess says with a shake of his head and an affectionate pinch to her side. “I should start calling you Grory.”

“Hey, no fair! I’m no Grinch. No Grendel, either.”

“Pre-coffee, that’s arguable.”

“I demand a re-write,” she says, crossing her arms, determined for her pout to win out for a second time.

“No way,” he replies. “That’s too much work, Green One.”

“Fine. As long as you realize you’re stuck with me regardless.”

“Am I?”

“Aren’t you?” Rory asks like a question that dangles then deflates. Her voice catches with uncertainty. The sound’s worse than the squeal a lobster makes in a boiling pot as she shifts onto her ankles on the sofa to pin him with a wide-eyed look, her heart pounding, mouth drier than Death Valley in the middle of a drought. Color rushes to her cheeks because Jess remains silent before her…because he reaches for the tattered copy of Persuasion that’s perched near his feet so he can underline one of Captain Wentworth’s most famous passages in black ink. I can listen no longer in silence, it reads. You pierce my soul. She knows the quote well. She knows it by heart.

However, it’s not until Jess scribbles down his own line onto the page with some rogue pen he’s found teetering on a shoe with no mate, his hand trembling, the apple in his throat bobbing like it’s been pinched by some invisible force he never saw coming; and it isn’t until he places the book in her lap so she can read what he wrote, that joyful disbelief betrays her. That her tears start flowing and flowing. They cover her face in red-eyed tenderness and devotion.

One look back at him, and she knows he feels the same. The love between them so real and so right, it fills the calendar with fulfillment they no longer wish to live without.

Marry me?

Two words, and the jerk’s a poet. Two words, and it’s only him she sees. Two words, one question, and Rory’s faced with an answer that takes no energy to give at all.

I’d be honored to be the Anne to your Wentworth, she writes back with shaky fingers and a grin so big she can barely see. So yes! Yes! A million times yes!

Wine switches to scotch sooner rather than later after that. Then talking turns to kissing, kissing moves to roving touches without either one of them noticing.

Both hands of the clock reach nearer and nearer to twelve as Rory pauses the movie they weren’t actually watching with a yawn, her sapphire diamond sparkling in the T.V’s muted light. Then she stands to refill their glasses one final time before 2018 ends, slippers scratching against the carpet. Jess wraps his arms around her waist while she pours. He smells of booze and sex and home.

Eyes closed and body rocking, he places a kiss against her arm, her shoulder, her neck, her mouth. He leaves a promise there that tastes of all that awaits them and more.

Together, they watch the snowflakes fall and drift to the fire escape outside their window, a moment of quiet before they pack the rest of the leftovers away so they can head to bed with this year lapsed behind them like another chapter closing. The page turns, and before they know it, December endings become January beginnings. The calendar’s blank and in wait for prose that has yet to be written, both of them looking forward to another 365 days full of learning, laughter, commitment, and so many more family firsts along the way.

#ksfd89 #literati #literati drabbles #literati fanfiction #rory and jess #ashlee bree's writing endeavors #my writing brain has two modes #either 1) blocked; or 2) write 2k in one sitting #there is no in-between

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jixiani · 6 years ago

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I’m Fat and that’s OK.

Several years ago I restricted my caloric intake to a point that I gave myself gallstones. I’ve had disordered eating since I was young, as happens when you grow up fat. I remember dieting when I was in middle school, joining gyms with my mom and aunt in sixth grade, eating nothing but a glass of milk and an apple until dinner in an attempt to be acceptable to the kids that teased me. I’ve dieted, tried exercise routines that I took too far because I’m super competitive and obsessive, counted calories and ended up memorizing caloric content of certain foods. I got helpful advice from people that cared about me: drink a glass of water before every meal (which turned into only drinking a glass of water instead of eating a meal), eat less, substitute celery for a snack, dance while standing in line to burn extra calories...I spent a good year as a middle schooler doing the Slimfast thing, or using the same concept but with milk when we couldn’t afford actual diet drinks. I spent my entire high school career never eating lunch, only occasionally snatching fries from my friends or skipping lunch to go to an elective with them followed by a few times a year staying after school for stage crew and conveniently not eating dinner either. I was always fat. I was nicknamed Miss Piggy in grade school, tormented by bullies, left out, beaten up a few times. Once one of the boys threw a bottle of glue at me so hard that I had a bruise the size of a melon on my hip for a month, coincidentally on the same side I get ovarian cysts, I’m sure it has nothing to do with that...When I almost died of Salmonella at ten I was happy not that I had survived but that I had lost thirty pounds. I alternated not eating anything with binging on junk food. Still to this day if I can’t bring myself to eat anything else I know I can eat ice cream or some sort of fried potato or chocolate. The summer before my senior year of high school I rode my bike eight miles every day it wasn’t raining. Sometimes I rode twice that. I rarely brought water with me, it was summer but I figured that it just meant I would lose weight faster. I did lose weight, I dropped five or six dress sizes and suddenly I was acceptable, I was cool, I was desirable. I was also terribly damaged and needy and threw myself into a series of really bad decisions and relationships because I had zero self esteem. I eventually gained all the weight back. In college I almost fainted during a theater rehearsal and was forced to eat a bag of pretzels, it was the only thing I had eaten that day because I had been busy. I learned that I could replace a meal with a candy bar, something to keep my sugar up. I can’t stand people seeing me eat, I would buy things out of the vending machines and hide in little used spaces and eat my candy bar or poptart. Under the stairs, in the garden, in the basement break room...I knew where all the vending machines were and would avoid them if there was someone else there. I kept dieting, I downloaded apps to help track calories and exercises. The machines at the gym gave read outs of how many calories burned. I was congratulated on every bit I lost, every hour spent at the gym, I fed on praise instead of food. My app said I could have 3000 calories, I barely ate 1200 on a regular basis and that was when I was actively trying. But then I’d look at that 1200 and think, I can do better. The hours of exercise built up and I competed with myself to see how little calories I could log. Each teaspoon of sugar is 15 calories (I didn’t have to look that up, I’ll probably remember it when I’ve forgotten my own name), milk is 125 but black coffee is almost nothing, celery is also almost nothing. 1000, 900, 800...the human body burns something like 800 calories just to keep you alive, so if I eat less than that I’m bound to lose weight, right? Well, yes, I did. After a few months of that I had lost a lot of muscle, my body burning itself up to keep me moving, out of breath walking up stairs, obviously I was out of shape despite the diet and exercise…See, when you’re skinny and you do this, people worry about you and you have an eating disorder, but when you’re fat every pound and inch lost is a victory. According to a doctor I was seeing around that time “Fat people don’t have eating disorders.” I was seeing them because I started having gallstone attacks, I had no insurance and couldn’t afford the surgery, they suggested that I “Just stop eating McDonalds” I insisted that I didn’t eat McDonalds, that I didn’t actually eat much of anything, that I had cut out junk food, that I was dieting, that I thought that maybe I was dieting too much and had a problem. This was met with skepticism and I was told that if that was true then I should keep up the good work. For the first time in all my turbulent history with food I was actually afraid of eating. The wrong food or food at the wrong time resulted in pain. Not eating had also resulted in pain. I had done this to myself, I gave myself permission to eat but I was terrified of putting food in my mouth. Finally after twenty one attacks, some lasting over 9 hours I went to the ER. I was developing jaundice, they gave me the option of surgery. It was elective, they were very clear on that, I could go home, of course I might need a new liver, but it was my choice.

After that I stopped dieting. I eat junk food, I eat good food, I eat because I enjoy it, I walk, again because I enjoy it. I gain weight, I lose weight, I have stretch marks, I still remember calories and I despise that everything has calories on the label now. I’ve gone to therapy, I found out why I am obsessive and restrictive (obsessive compulsive personality disorder) and have tools to help. I still sometimes survive on poptarts although that’s being poor/convenience/I genuinely like them not because I’m afraid that people will see me eat real food. I eat salad because I like vegetables almost as much as chocolate not because I’m supposed to in order to be seen as a “good” fat person. I eat fast food and chips and give zero fucks what someone might say about it and know that I’m allowed to eat what I want, just not to over do it. I am still self conscious, I still worry about whether someone will find me attractive, I still have days where nothing fits right and even my own skin feels wrong and I probably always will. To be fair, I had those days when I was a size 12 too. I found doctors that don’t harp on my BMI (which is a bullshit measure, how could I have the same BMI when I was a size 18 as when I was a size 12 and you could count every rib and take out an eye with my hip bone?), I’m not looking forward to finding new ones but hopefully I can find one that won’t try to make me lose weight before treating my strep throat (totally something that happened).

But the thing is, I work with a lot of women and they are always comparing diets. They eat their salads and talk about how much they hurt from the gym and how no, they can’t have that bread it’s all carbs. And I have a few girls (it’s always the girls) who come through my lunch line and ask for sandwiches without bread because they’re trying to lose weight (although I would have sold both my arms to be as skinny as them when I was their age) and I just want to shake them. I want to tell them about how I starved myself for most of my life, how I hid in my bedroom to eat and hated every moment that I ate with other people and never wanted to be the first in line for food, how I made myself sick and how I’m probably heavier because my body wants to hold on to every calorie I begrudgingly gave it. How those “Recommended daily calorie intake” things are low balled and growing kids should be getting more like 3000-3500 calories a day and the unknown damage I’ve done to myself by only getting half that for most of my life. I want to tear down the whole system that makes money off making us feel bad about ourselves and assure them that none of it matters, that you only have one body and one life and you can’t put off living until you reach some unattainable and unsustainable goal. I want to rip those little signs off everything that says how many calories are in things because it has taken me YEARS of purposefully ignoring them before I can eat things without thinking of how many hours I’d have to be on an elliptical to justify eating something. Because there are little girls looking at themselves in mirrors and hating themselves, because there are women that are painfully aware of how many calories are in those things and don’t need a little sign to remind them, because there are women that are still waiting to be thin enough to love themselves and do all the things they want to do but don’t think they can because they’re too fat. Because there are doctors that would rather we die while they treat our fat instead of our illness. Because fat is the worst thing you can be when there are so many worse things. Because you can’t hate yourself into someone you can love. Because the things we pick up from the world around us and the scars that are left from cruel classmates and behaviors that we develop are insidious and last a lifetime and I’m still self conscious about the way I look. No assurances that “a few hundred years ago, yours was the ideal body type” or “boys may not want to date you now, but someday men will want to marry you” or “Real girls have curves” (which excuse me, but all girls are real girls, curves or lack thereof notwithstanding), or encouraging words from lovers will ever change or erase that damage. I still have bad days. I read something in a story the other day about a chubby, older woman from the male character’s point of view and how he liked the way she looked and I realized that I had never considered that someone could be attracted to me. I always figured that people liked me despite my weight, or that they might like it but in a probably creepy, chubby chaser sort of way. It hadn’t occurred to me that my weight might not even be a factor, or that I might be beautiful (I’ve been told I was, but figured that people are just being nice or just saying that because they wanted something) I had honestly thought that everyone I have ever interacted with just put up with my weight or were willing to overlook it. I had to close my kindle app for a while, I couldn’t process anymore of the story because I had been struck momentarily dumb but the realization that people may well find me attractive. It’s incredibly hard to get past those hang ups but I’m getting better and I want everyone else to get better too.

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wiener-soldiers · 7 years ago

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love is for idiots - peter parker

summary: You have been alone all your life, and from a young age, you learned that love doesn’t exist. However, as soon as you met Peter Parker, you learned to love again.

pairing: Peter Parker x Fem!Reader

words: 2,477 (goddamn that’s a long one)

warnings: kinda agsty, kinda fluffy, couple of swears, my really bad spanish skills (I SPEAK FRENCH STILL LEARNING SPANISH) also first fic so there’s that

a/n: guys i did it. first ever fic. i don’t know if y’all will hate it or love it, but it was so much fun to write. ALSO THERES AN IN THE HEIGHTS REFERENCE.

You didn't need love.

You were an independent person who didn’t need to feel satisfied by having someone love you.

You were strong, independent, and brave.

That's what you told yourself everyday when you looked in the mirror.

Truth be told, you lied to yourself everyday. Everybody needed somebody, but you just weren't used to that. With your mom out of the picture, and your dad always gone for work, you had convinced yourself that love was for the weak.

You just never realised how emotionally weak you actually were.

"Hey sweetheart. It's me, dad. I, uh, I don't know that I'll be home in time for your birthday. Work has been crazy as hell. I'm actually flying out to D.C. tonight for a conference, then I'm going over to Paris for another convention. I'm so sorry baby, I'll talk to as soon as I can."

A loud beep follows the end of the voicemail.

This has been the third voicemail this week from your dad saying that he might not be able to come home as soon as you thought. First, it was a convention in Dubai, then a lecture at MIT, and finally this one.

Rolling out of your bed, you shiver as your feet come in contact with the cold hardwood floors. It was a chilly Tuesday morning, which was the norm in New York City during the spring. You shrug it off, knowing that it was an amazing excuse to wear comfortable clothes.

Deciding that a pair of boyfriend jeans rolled up a couple times and a white NASA tee tied in the front was decent enough, you hastily comb through your (Y/H/C) hair with your fingers and trudge into the kitchen, wear Kevin, your uncle was waiting.

"Morning Kev," you mumble midway through a yawn. Ever since your Dad started going on extended work trips, your uncle Kev, who lived an hour away, give or take, would always take care of you.

"Well, buenos días to you mi amor," Kev says sleepily.

You scoff. "You're practising Spanish for that guy again, what's his name...Michael?"

"Miguel, el cariño, his name is Miguel. And he's single."

You smile slightly. "Love isn't real, Kev."

He rolls his eyes playfully as he hands me a granola bar, "Wow. Is that you or your teenage angst talking?"

You narrow your eyes at him as you snatch the bar from his hands. Slipping on some black Vans, you call back, "That's me talking. Bye Kev! Good look with Miguel...I guess."

You speed walk down the stairs of the subway station and barely make it to your train. You glance at your surroundings and see that the only empty seat is next to a boy, probably your age. Huffing slightly, you walk over and stand in front of him, preparing to ask if the seat is taken.

His earbuds are in and his eyes are closed, so you decide to just sit down next to him. The noise must have woken him up because mystery boy jolts up, ripping his earbuds from his ears. You giggle.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." For the first time, you get a good look at him. With his brown hair, dark brown eyes, and his obvious liking for music, you deem him kinda cute.

He smiles, "It's totally fine. I shouldn't have been dosing off anyways."

He's smooth, you think to yourself, very composed.

However the brunette was freaking out. A very, very pretty girl just happened to walk into the Subway car with one seat open, which just happened to be the seat next to his. He was so distracted by your blinding beauty, he didn't realise you had asked him another question until he realised that you were staring straight into his eyes.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

You laugh, "I said how did you even hear me sit down? You had earbuds in and it's pretty noisy in here, regardless."

The boy freezes, knowing if he slips up, his identity might be revealed. From that question alone, he can tell that you’re smart, and that a girl like you would easily find out his secret.

"I uh, you just, uh, you just hit my arm accidentally," he blurts out.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry! First I wake you up, then I hit you? I'm so sorry," you squeak, a blush beginning to come up your neck and cheeks.

"It's all good. I'm Peter by the way. Peter Parker," Peter says, sticking his hand out to shake.

You smile in return, sticking your hand in Peter's to shake. You let your hand linger on his, oddly finding a form of comfort in his touch.

"(Y/N) at your service."

And that was the start to something beautiful.

After riding the Subway to school together, (you had learned that you went to the same school and were shocked that you've never met before) you and Peter had become inseparable. The two of you would embark on adventures, which basically consisted in going off campus for lunch and finding the best spots in town, and the best bodegas to eat in. Ned, who completed your version of the modern day, American Golden Trio, always teased you that one day you and Peter would get married, and have children; to which you would always reply with:

"I told you guys, love is for--"

"For idiots, we get it." Peter interrupts with a small smile on his face. Deep down though, he felt his heart tear a little.

Faster than he'd liked to admit, Peter had fallen in love with you. Well, not really. He is still falling in love with you. Every second of every day, Peter Parker falls more and more in love with you. Maybe it was fate, maybe it was soulmates, but Peter didn't care. He didn't wanna risk scaring you away. He already knew that you believed that love was absolute bullshit, and he knew that his friendship with you was far more valuable than saying "I love you" to the girl who didn't believe in love.

On the day’s latest adventure, you and Peter had planned to go to a little bodega in Washington Heights. Both of you were aware that it was more than an hour ride on the subway, but you both knew it was a great way to explore the city, and you had also insisted that the bodega had the best coffee and sandwiches you had ever tasted.

With only one period left to go, you raced to your English class excitedly. Bursting into the classroom, which was on the other side of the building from your last class, you let out a huff as you sit beside Peter, who shared the class with you.

"How'd you get here so fast?" he asks with an amused look on his face.

"Oh, don't look so smug. I ran. Yes, that's right, you heard me. Actual physical exercise," you retort. Peter throws his head back in laughter. You pout, fake punching him in the arm.

"Aw, boohoo. Is little (Y/N) winded by a little running?" Flash Thompson, aka the biggest douche in the school, taunts from the back of the class.

Peter's face contorts, and is about to defend the beautiful girl sitting beside him, but said girl beats him to it.

"Oh, shut up. Your nickname might be 'Flash', dickwad, but you do Barry Allen no justice. Don't think I was the only one who saw you fake an injury to get out of the mile run."

The class let's out a series of 'ohs' and 'damns', (most of them coming from Flash's friends) while you turn around with a smirk etched on your face. Peter smiles out you, with eyes filled with adoration. One thing he learned was that you could always stand up for yourself.

The teacher walks into the class and attempts to settle down the noise. Peter steals another glance at you, nose deep in To Kill A Mockingbird and already working on the book report due soon.

After an uneventful rest of the period, the final bell rang, and you and Peter were out of the classroom faster than you could say 'bodega'. The duo were on the Subway as soon as possible as the chatted about the day’s latest events.

"So," you stated, "Homecoming is coming up."

Peter laughs, a little too loudly, and almost chokes on the Boba they had bought before they hopped on the train. You attempt to shush him as people were beginning to stare.

"Sorry, sorry. It's just, when did you care about Homecoming? I though we were gonna binge watch Lord of the Rings together that weekend. Besides, it's in like, what, three months?" He replies.

You shake your head. "Peter, I'm serious. Who is she?"

Peter nearly spits out his tea. "What?"

"The girl, Parker! The one I hear you and Ned talk about when you think I'm not listening." You retort. A part of you wants your best friend to go to Homecoming with the mystery girl, happy. But the other part of you wants Peter to go to Homecoming with you.

Peter coughs. "It's no one, I swear."

"Well," you start, "do I know her?"

Peter hesitates. "You do actually. You know her really well."

"Really?" you say in disbelief. You couldn't think of many people. The first name that popped into your head was MJ. Or maybe Liz Allan. "What's she like?"

"Well, she's smart. Like ridiculously smart. Smarter than me, even. She's funny, in her own way. Like sarcastic, satirical humour. She also really like reading. Um...she can definitely stand up for herself and hold her own. Very confident. And she's beautiful," Peter gushes.

"Hmm," you say in shock. Logically, you think he's talking about Liz Allan, one of the most popular girls at school. But once again, your mind drifts to the thought of being with Peter. What it would be like to hold his hand, hug him, and kiss him. It sounded wonderful.

"(Y/N), did you hear me?"

Your realise that Peter is nudging your arm. "What?"

"I said this is our stop. C'mon. I'm getting hungry and you said this place had good sandwiches." Peter grabs your hand and pulls you out of the Subway car, throwing your empty Boba cups in the trash can as you walk by. He doesn't let go of your hand as you march up the stairs and exit the station, and walk the streets that alive with salsa music and great smelling food.

"So, where is it again?" Peter asks, only now becoming conscious that he was still holding your hand. His grip falters a little, not knowing if you were freaked out, but to his surprise, you squeezed his hand a little tighter, enjoying the feeling of his fingers caressing yours.

You blush a little, "It's just up the street. It's beside this salon and has a beautiful mural on the side of the building. Oh! It's right there,” You explain while pointing to a bodega at the end of the street.

The two of you step inside to the small bodega, greeted by the smell of fresh coffee.

"Well, if it isn't (Y/N). How ya doin', mi amor?" the dude at the cash whistles. You roll your eyes and are about to respond to his antics when Usnavi, the bodega owner, walks in from the back room.

"Cut that out Sonny. I'm serious. You ain't gonna pick up girls with that attitude. Besides, (Y/N) seems to have a niño with her," Usnavi says.

"Usnavi!" you cry in embarrassment.

He laughs, "Lo siento, (Y/N). Two sandwiches, I'm guessing?"

"And two coffees!" Peter calls out beside you, "I hear that you have the best coffee in all of Washington Heights?"

The man lets out a laugh. Peter finds himself laughing along. He kinda liked it in the Heights.

"Si, señor. Whatever the lady says."

As they wait for their sandwiches, you realise you haven't introduced Peter to your Latino friends. "Oh! Peter, by the way. This is Usnavi, the bodega owner, and his cousin Sonny."

Peter smiles, "I'm Peter Parker. Nice to meet you."

Sonny, who is sitting on the counter replies with a 'sup bro', and Usnavi, who is sporting his signature hat, waves in response.

"¡No me diga! (Y/N), is that you?" a voice from outside the bodega exclaimed.

"Diana! No way!" You said excitedly, running outside to greet your old friend while mumbling an 'I'll be back' to Peter.

Not long after you left, Usnavi comes to the counter with two sandwiches (which smelt incredible) and two coffees. Peter began to pull out some money from his school bag to pay when Usnavi stopped him.

"No, it's on the house kid. That girl out there, she's special. More than she'll ever let on. She thinks she can do it a alone, but we both know that no one can. I know that she told you that she doesn't believe in love, but trust me, that girl loves you. You treat her right, you here me?" Usnavi tells him. He can't help but think that (Y/N) sees Usnavi as a role model if Usnavi cares that much.

"Yes sir."

Usnavi smiles. "Good, now go enjoy your sandwiches!"

About half an hour later, the duo find themselves under the George Washington bridge, munching the last of their sandwiches and sipping their coffee. They both lean against a rock listening to seagulls and the traffic above them.

You stare at Peter. For the first time in your life, you feel like doing anything with him is better than doing it alone. You felt something in your chest, something you haven't felt since you were a kid, before your mother left and your father became addicted to work.

Something like love.

You watch as Peter looks at the scenery, a smile on his face.

"Where'd you find this place? The bodega, I mean," he asks you, while pretending to yawn and putting his arm around your shoulders. You blush a little; it was a classic move, but it still worked.

"Kev has a crush on this guy, Miguel. He's completely head over heels for the dude. He just so happens to be Sonny's older brother. So Kev started bringing me here a lot. He introduced my to Miguel and Sonny. Sonny then introduced my to Usnavi and soon, the entire neighbourhood knew who was, it seems." You explain, while leaning your head on Peter's shoulder.

"Pete?"

"Yeah?"

"What does love feel like?"

Peter furrows his brow. "Well, it's kinda like a magnet. Like you seem to be opposites, but you fill each others missing pieces, so you work in perfect harmony. And everything seems to be pushing you together. If you try to turn your backs on each other, the world puts you back together...why do you ask?"

"Peter Parker, I think I'm in love with you."

Peter sits up in shock and turn to face her, studying her face for signs to show that it was all a joke. "What? I--I thought you believed that love was for idiots."

You shake your head, "Then I must be the biggest fucking idiot in the galaxy, because I'm in love with you."

Peter searches your eyes, in search for any signs of regret. However, your were filled with determination and love.

So he kissed you.

And like magnets, the whole world seemed to push you together.

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ldprecovery-blog · 7 years ago

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How it all came to be...

Why, how, what, when…?

This post is about my backstory, which I didn’t realise was so complex until I began writing it down. It makes me feel incredibly sad and sorry for the old me, but regardless, our pasts make us who we are today so instead, I’m embracing my tale of woe and writing this hoping to connect with those who read it, those who might be suffering from mental health issues or eating disorders like I did. So let’s start from the beginning….

I had a wonderful childhood: two loving parents who adored me and a younger sister. From the age of five I started gymnastics and it turned out I was pretty good at it. I trained five, sometimes six times a week with fierce dedication. I was determined to be the best and I wanted to win competitions, which I mostly did. I guess I was quite competitive. At the age of 16 I became the National Champion for my category and it was a glorious moment; I’d worked so hard for this day. Alongside gymnastics, I danced with a troop and performed in many shows. I also played netball and entered most school sports competitions. My grades at school were always very good and through hard work and commitment, I performed very well academically. Things were great for 16 year old me. I met my first love in the Sixth Form whilst studying for my A levels. It was an exciting time for me because I felt so ‘normal’ and my social life had always been second to my training regime. So, I was living this wonderful life where I felt amazing in so many ways - school was going well, I was sporty, body confident and had a boyfriend who really, really liked me. Perfect! Oh, and I ate food by the bucket load! In fact, I LOVED food. People would always say to me, ‘Where do you put it all? Do you have hollow legs?’ Well I was doing so much sport that I was burning calories at lightning speed and to be honest, I was proud of how much I could eat, really proud! I remember one time, I went to my new boyfriend’s Dad’s house for a good old Sunday roast - my favourite! We got there and I waited patiently for my plate of food (I was used to helping myself to generous portions, always going back for seconds and sometimes thirds. This was swiftly followed by pudding of some kind). I was sooooo hungry when we arrived. When his Dad presented me with my long awaited roast dinner, my first thought was, ‘Where’s the rest of it?!’ But his Dad smiled and said, ‘Now don’t worry if you can’t finish it, I know there’s a lot there.’ Was he joking? I knew I’d nail that!

So after clearing my plate easily, I felt their eyes on me...they were either impressed or in shock. I was asked if I wanted seconds and of course I said yes. And yes to the dessert that followed. I could eat a lot, I had a huge appetite and I liked that about myself. I didn’t know what a calorie was then or how to count it. I didn’t know what had fat in it and what didn’t. I certainly wasn’t intolerant to any food groups and I ate what I felt like, when I felt like it. Food was food and nothing more. Little did I know this was all about to change, and spiral out of control into a full blown ED.

Cause 1:

The first major (and root) cause of my ED and negative body image was finding out my Dad was having an affair with a woman that went to the same exercise class as him. My Mum was beside herself, as was I. In a heartbeat, my world shattered. He left that night and I hated him for what he had done. My Mum was left in pieces with no one there to pick her up, apart from me. I was 17 at the time and my sister was 12. I had to grow up very quickly indeed. My Mum needed me to help her through. I don’t really think my sister understood what was going on but what she did know was that daddy didn’t love mummy anymore and didn’t want to be around us either. He just left us, burying his head in the sand to avoid his own feelings of guilt, betrayal and abandonment. His new life had no room for us and the ‘other woman’ didn’t like him seeing his children….it’s fair to say I hated her. What I didn't realise at the time, being just 17 years old, was that the whole situation planted a toxic idea in my head: we weren’t enough for him...I wasn’t enough.

Cause 2:

A few months passed and in that time I cried a lot. And I mean A LOT. Then came the second cause of my ED. I contracted the most awful bout of food poisoning which left me hospitalised. I was on a drip, had all sorts of injections to stop the sickness and ended up losing a tonne of weight. After I recovered I returned to ‘normal’ life. It was shortly after this that it happened and I remember the exact moment which I now know to be the beginning of my ED. I was in my bedroom and suddenly caught my reflection in the mirror, sideways on: I saw a rounded, bloated belly that I’d not seen before….. ‘what the heck is that?!’ I thought to myself. Having stared at it for a while I decided it was fat and it needed to go quickly, so maybe I should stop eating things with fat in them, because obviously fat makes you fat, right? (Poor little me, clueless and naive - how wrong I was). After a couple of weeks I decided that my stomach was not getting any better so I went to the Drs because something must be wrong. Well it turned out, the food poisoning had wiped out my gut flora and ripped my insides to shreds, so they were sore! Of course they were sore, I’d just had the worst food poisoning imaginable! So the Dr concluded that I had developed intolerances and suggested I cut out wheat and gluten (Hmmm, a restrictive diet. ALARM BELLS RINGING FOR ANYONE RIGHT NOW?!) So, happy with my diagnosis, off I went to find gluten free products (which at the time weren’t really heard of, not like today’s market) and I was actually quite excited by the novelty. So with the gluten food group cut out, I lessened my symptoms but it was still happening. I went back to the Dr and this time he told me to cut out dairy (SECOND ALARM BELL ANYONE?!). So off I went, cutting out all forms of gluten and dairy, but without the success I was hoping for! My symptoms were alleviated slightly but not gone and I just wanted them gone! After that, I took matters into my own hands and spent hours on the internet researching what could be wrong and how to fix it. I found the Candida Albicans diet, the IBS diet and the food combining protocol. Well….I did them all in one go. I just had to get rid of this bloating! This lasted for a year and in that year I unintentionally lost a LOT of weight. I went from a healthy size 10 to a 6, still training 6 times a week and expending a phenomenal number of calories without fueling my body. I was running on empty constantly. I was weak, I looked ill, I was always cold and my mood was unpredictable. Everything seemed to annoy me and I had many a fall out with my boyfriend who probably had no idea what had happened to his once lively, happy girlfriend. I was utterly miserable and I wore baggy clothes to hide this disgusting and hideous bloating that continued to rule my life. I would stand in the mirror sideways for hours. I’d take photographs of my stomach before and after eating for comparisons and I’d cry on the floor about it when I saw the difference. I sought out herbal healers, hypnotherapists, private doctors….you name it, I tried it! I look back on 19 year old me and think, ‘you poor, poor girl. If only you’d just given your stomach time to heal instead of cutting out X,Y and Z, would things have been different?’

Cause 3:

The third cause, (or turning point really) came when I was at breaking point. I’d had enough of not eating anything at all and still being bloated. I was avoiding most food groups but getting nowhere. Naturally, I rebelled and said ‘f*** it’ to the diets: I decided that I would just eat EVERYTHING because I wasn't getting any better either way. Having starved and deprived myself of nutrients and flavours for months, I was like a wild animal, taken over by lust for the food that was forbidden! And that was my first binge. When I finally snapped out of my binge-eating trance, along came new feelings that I’d not really experienced after food before: guilt, followed by a wave of disgust, self loathing and dismay. But that was just the beginning and I thought about gorging on food constantly after that, becoming a regular binge eater. Having practically starved myself for a year, this new way of eating meant I began putting weight back on, but turns out I didn’t like that one bit. I hated seeing yet another unwanted change in my body and desperately sought to control my weight gain. So while binge eating in secret and then punishing myself with additional exercise, misusing laxatives and attempting (but failing) to make myself sick, I went back to the doctor who referred me to a counsellor. It was the counsellor who told me that the food combining diet I had done sounded awfully like slimming world and if I wanted a nutrition plan like that then maybe I should look into it….was she SERIOUS?! To this day I cannot believe that this lady, who must have seen the ED in me, told me to look into another diet. Well obviously, being desperate to lose weight, I went along! Oh and it lasted only a few weeks before the binge cycle kicked back in and I put the weight I’d lost on again. When I look back now, I was barely a size 10 by this point but in my head I was enormous. After attempting slimming world I just returned to exercising like crazy, not eating, then binging, trying to follow some of my old diets etc and then binging again. Enter the fourth cause.

Cause 4:

Remember my first love? Well, he’d been going out a lot around that time, disappearing off with his friends, leaving me at his house with his family or forgetting to come over to mine. He’d started going out clubbing and drinking almost every weekend and things were ‘off’. Looking back, I’m not surprised because he was a young 20 year old lad and his girlfriend was going through some serious stuff that he couldn't even begin to understand….I barely understood myself! Don’t get me wrong though, I am merely explaining his behaviour, not excusing it. So one night, he tells me that he wants to go on a ‘break’, a bit like the whole Ross and Rachel thing from Friends I guess. I was stunned: why, what, how…? I couldn’t make sense of it. I loved him so much and thought we would be together forever. He was everything I thought I wanted. He told me that he needed to do this so that we could then be together again - it was necessary to strengthen us. ‘Don’t worry,’ he told me, ‘this is so we can get back together again and be happy.’ (Pffffffft?!)

So I went along with it, only to discover that whilst he’d been out partying all those weekends he’d met someone else - someone who I saw as very attractive. But all I could think was, ‘I bet she has a flat stomach….’ How sad, right? Throughout the next year he strung us both along, telling me that he missed me but she she’d fallen in love with him and he didn’t know what to do. He wanted us both. Of course, I was foolish enough to believe his lies and still pandered to him when he called, went to his family’s events and when he said jump, I said how high. I loved him unconditionally, but blindly. I was in constant fear of losing him to the other girl who also loved him and I couldn’t lose. I realise now that this must have been a reflection of the situation with my Mum and Dad. One time, he was coming back from a lad holiday and he’d asked me to go round and wait for him to get back. Before the flight, he’d text me a lovely message about missing me and that he loved me. Anyway, for whatever reason - fear, jealousy, distrust - when he’d fallen asleep I looked through his phone messages. He had been sending identical messages to the both of us. I couldn't believe it. I was beside myself, again! All the while, each and every day my feelings of not being good enough were furiously reinforced. She was better than me and I just wasn’t pretty enough, slim enough, fun enough…..you name it, I thought I wasn’t enough of it.

The final straw was a few weeks later when I met someone I quite liked and began texting him. But, he found out somehow and went bonkers at me. He told me I’d ruined everything now and there was no way we would get back together. Looking back at this I know I should have walked away then and there, but all I felt then was hopeless and full of regret, like somehow this was all my fault. It was around that time I did something I never imagined I’d do: I overdosed on paracetamol.

I had no intention of killing myself at any point, it just sort of happened. I was in so much pain, emotional pain, that I think I confused it with physical pain and I wanted it gone. I wanted to end it all and I also wanted him to be sorry. So it happened out of despair and instantly I regretted it. I thought that I would be OK but after being rushed to the hospital, they took some blood tests and realised I’d taken a dangerous amount. I spent the next two nights on a drip to flush out my system and have a psychiatric assessment. What a fool I’d been and how selfish of me to scare my family like that. Even after that experience I was still in contact with my ex, hoping that we might be together again one day. One day though, I’d had enough of feeling the need to compete with another girl and I asked him to do one thing for me. I told him that if he loved me like he said he did, he could do one thing for me and just be in a relationship with this other girl. I knew this was the only way I could move forwards. And he did it.

After all these years, I’ve completely let go of the hurt and anger I felt towards my ex. I forgive him for everything and actually wish I could apologise for putting him through so much without even realising. I hope he is truly happy with his life and family and thank him for some lovely memories. If only I knew then what I know now.

Cause 6:

Cause number six happened over a number of years when I turned to dieting to make myself more attractive and control my ‘bloat’. I even went as far as having some minor surgery - a form of lipo, to remove the fat from my stomach and hips. It was a traumatic process, both painful and distressing, with a long, long recovery time. I put myself through so much pain and paid a LOT of money just to be my idea of ‘beautiful’. And did the results last? Of course not! Maybe for about 6 months and then the binge eating cycle kicked in again. From then on I entertained a number of dieting mechanisms: I used My Fitness Pal to calorie count, went on the Dukan Diet once (which ended up giving me terrible stomach acid and I spent the night in hospital), had 2 rounds of CBT in between after telling the Dr I was struggling with my feelings, went on My Fitness Pal again, tried another online diet, upped my exercise in all kinds of ways and then went on a diet plan with a trained fitness instructor and coach, which meant that by Summer 2015 I was a very small size 8 and through food combining I had ‘fixed’ my bloating. Oh and was I happy with myself? No. Of course not!! And was the bloating ‘gone’? NO….it returned and my mood changed instantly whenever it happened. I woke up anxious every morning wondering if it would be a good bloat day or a bad one. Could I see how bony I looked? No. Was I relaxed and enjoying life? No. Was I present in the moment? No. There is one silver lining though. What I haven’t told you is that I met the love of my life in that time too - he’s now my fiance and the centre of my universe. I met him when I was 25, through a friend I went to uni with. Having an ED isn’t something you just come out with and in all honesty, I didn't want to admit that I had one then. Food scared the life out of me, but I didn’t show that to anyone. After the first few dates I knew I liked this guy - he was funny and full of life and he made me feel desperate to be part of that. He was the sort of person I wanted to just hang out with. So things progressed and we got together. One morning, after I had stayed at over, I was feeling hungry, like any normal human, but his suggestion for breakfast was….wait for it…..nachos with cheese. Now, my face looked calm and my response was ‘sure’ but on the inside I was having a melt down and my heart was about to beat out of my chest! I was petrified. I knew that I was going to eat some of the nachos and rather than thinking, ‘that’s OK I’ll just have a few and then say I’m full’ I knew that I would have one or two and then the binge eating monster would take, revelling in the taste of a forbidden food. The thing I’ve learnt about forbidden food is that it makes you obsess over it and then when given half a chance to eat it, it’s almost like permission to stuff your face silly. Hunger doesn’t even come into it. I knew that I’d go into ‘f*** it’ mode and eat mindlessly, feeling guilt with every bite. I knew my stomach would bloat after that and I’d then have to do extra gym sessions to pay for the calories. Crazy right? And was he any the wiser? Of course not! I was an expert at hiding it. But, after a year together, it was hard to hide certain things and he began to notice, for example, how excruciatingly long it would take me to choose from a restaurant menu (I’ll go into detail about that in another post). He witnessed my confidence dwindling as I began to put on weight. He watched as I undertook a variety of diets and how much I panicked and cried when we travelled around Europe. For every meal I had to find something I could eat that would fit in with my diet plan and not bloat me out. He loved me and just wanted me to be happy and he felt helpless in being able to do that. But, he stuck by me and told me there was more to me than my ED. I didn't believe him though - it took a lot longer for me to see that. Anyway, I’ll talk more about my relationship in another post.

Back to cause number 6 - you could say it was a combination of a series of diets, losing weight, gaining weight, stress at work (which I haven’t mentioned before but is another one I will come to in a different post) and feeling like this amazing guy who I had fallen in love with would leave me if I wasn’t what I thought to be perfect in every way ( essentially a certain weight, shape and size). Oh how wrong I was. He stuck by me, loved me with all his heart and proposed in Paris a year and a half ago. Of course I said yes. I still had ED issues, as I hadn’t really addressed them but I pushed them to the back of my mind and told myself to snap out of it. It was shortly after that we made the decision to move and teach abroad as he had always wanted to travel and I wasn't happy in my job in the UK anymore.

The final straw:

So off we went to Singapore, relocating our entire life. Wow, what a whirlwind of change that was which naturally brought with it a whole bunch of stress. Needless to say my ED came out in full force and I constantly mirror checked, cried about how much weight I was putting on, attempted to diet again in so many ways, binged again, over exercised and cried some more. It was when we had just returned from our trip to a beautiful island in Malaysia when I decided I’d had enough of dreading going on holiday because of wearing a bikini and not being able to go to the gym or control what I was eating. What was the point in living this amazing lifestyle where I could travel to Bali, Thailand, Malaysia, Vietnam - the dream life - if I feared it? I wasn’t present. I was stuck in my own head and this ferocious storm cloud followed my every move, ready to attack when I was vulnerable. Oh and it attacked. Not only did it attack but knocked me off my feet, spun me round and spat me back out, with my fiance left to pick up the pieces. I decided to put an end to it all once and for good and, having already read Mel Well’s book The Goddess Revolution, I knew I needed to make changes. It just so happened that an email came through that day with a last chance offer to sign up to Mel’s Goddess Academy which aimed to heal your relationship with yourself and with food. We had been discussing counselling, CBT and all sorts of things to help me but I felt apprehensive in a brand new country. When this came through we both knew I didn’t have anything to lose. And it was the best thing I have ever done. The Goddess Academy has turned my life around, bringing me to the point I am at today. I worked through a series of tutorials, tasks and practices, with support from an amazing network of females on the same journey. Since graduating from The Academy I’ve never been more present and happy in myself and in my life. I now accept my body, love my body, nourish my body, forgive my body, listen to my body and protect my body. I understand my ED and know how to deal with it. I have strategies to cope with my triggers and I don’t need to binge anymore. I despise diets and know that there is no such thing as a ‘diet that really works’. They are NOT sustainable! I am now able to appreciate my incredible life and feel grateful for my friends and family. I feel comfortable in my own skin and I appreciate the little things in life, finding joy in them instead of feeling sad that I don’t look a certain way. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a number of triggers and sometimes old thoughts, feelings and habits creep back in, but they are few and far between now. I am armed with shield and sword to fight them off! So, now I have decided to share this journey with the world because I want to help others find a pathway to freedom from EDs and self loathing. I also really enjoy journaling and writing - it lights me up so that I feel ‘full’ on life and not food. So here I am, This is my story. This the start of another journey to a happier, brighter and upgraded version of me. Enjoy.

#ed recovery

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samuelfields · 6 years ago

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Mental Illness Deserves A Sick Day Just Like A Physical Illness

What’s great about America is that we’ve got a highly productive workforce that grinds like no other. We invent some of the greatest products and consistently build some of the largest companies in the world.

What’s sad about America is that we’re working ourselves to an early death. We pride ourselves on working double digit work hours a day. We pack our schedules to the brim and never give ourselves a break.

I’m guilty of adopting the “always be grinding” mentality because I landed a a dream job in New York City after college and then migrated to San Francisco, another hyper-competitive city. I didn’t want to take my luck for granted, so I tended to constantly push myself to the limit.

Even after I left full-time work in 2012 after 13 years of 60-80-hour work weeks, I still wanted to keep the intensity up with my writing on Financial Samurai. I was free to kick back and do whatever thanks to passive income, but I refused to live a life of leisure after the first six months of freedom.

Unnecessary self-imposed pressures are why so many of us aren’t as happy as we should be. As soon as I let go of my perennial goals of outperforming the S&P and reaching ever higher website growth, I started to feel happier.

Accept Your Mental Illness

Nobody bats an eye if you tell them you’re planning on taking several days off because you’ve come down with the flu or some nasty bacteria. Falling physically ill is normal, especially if you’ve got little ones running around.

But nobody comes out and admits they have a mental illness that’s keeping them down. Yet I argue we all experience some sort of mental illness at some point in our lives.

I come down with a mental illness at least once a year.

Sometimes I get depressed about how unfair life is. My depression always focuses on why some people have so much opportunity, while other people have so little opportunity.

I go through a guilt phase where I often ask, why me? During this time period, I have no desire to hang out with anyone. I start thinking wild ideas like relocating to Virginia over Hawaii because I need a certain amount of suffering to feel more worthy.

While living in Malaysia, one of my friends died in a car accident at age 15. He lost control and rammed into a tree off the highway. Yes, he legally wasn’t allowed to drive, but we were irreverent. The passenger in the front seat didn’t survive either.

We were skateboard buddies from different schools who would hang out over the weekend. He was one of the coolest kids around and I wanted to go out with him to the club that night, but he ignored me because I was only 13.

The next day, I called Mark to ask whether he wanted to hang out. I will always remember his mother’s voice telling me he had passed away.

I have survivor’s guilt. I’ve learned that one of the best ways of overcoming this mental condition is to journal my thoughts and be useful to others. Over the years, no other activity has helps me more.

The reason why I started Financial Samurai in July 2009 was due to extreme anxiety and fear that I was going to lose everything I spent 10 years building up until the financial crisis.

I had nightmares of having to go back to work flipping burgers at McDonald’s for a tyrant manager. As a result, perhaps I am more sensitive to financial loss than the average person.

Through my posts and now through the Financial Samurai Forum, I’ve found a supportive community that acts as my supplemental mental health care system. Over the years, so many folks have reached out to share similar thoughts.

Take Sick Days For Your Mental Health

When I advised employees to take sick days instead of PTO in my post, Using Vacation Days Before A Severance Negotiation, I expected some readers to question my advice given our always be grinding society.

Here are a couple responses of disapproval,

“Your suggestion of using sick days in lieu of vacation days is a gray area. Some companies have policies which theoretically forbid that. Or, if you use a certain amount of sick days in a row (say 3 or more) you have to get a doctors note. Personally, I wouldn’t want to be relaxing on the beach in Hawaii having to call my boss each day pretending to be sick.“

“Taking a sick day when I am not sick? Sorry, my moral code won’t let me go there. A day’s pay used to be worth a couple of grand, that is significant, but the price of my word, that is nonnegotiable, or priceless, if it is a Visa commercial. And if the company is being evil, well, that’s on them, I’m fine with fighting but I only fight fair regardless of how someone else fights. What anyone else does, not my problem, what I do, I have to live with that guy.“

To a manager or CEO, these responses are music to their ears. Their goal is to have employees be max loyal to the firm, while they enrich themselves with max reward.

What the commenters don’t recognize is the importance of taking sick days to improve one’s mental health. Their automatic assumption is that sick days are only for physical illnesses, which is a big blind spot.

I used to work at a firm that allowed a three-month sabbatical for every five years of work. Unfortunately, no manager ever took a sabbatical, which meant that nobody else took a sabbatical out of fear of getting a crap bonus or worse.

But after my 8th year at the firm, I decided to take a step towards living a more balanced life by taking all my vacation days. For the last three years at my old firm, I took six weeks off a year and loved it. I stopped giving a crap about what others thought.

Interestingly, while I took six weeks off a year, my production improved. Unfortunately, my firm didn’t properly compensate me for my production. But instead of complaining, I negotiated a severance.

Types Of Mental Illnesses

Perhaps you still have doubts about how common mental illness really is. Well here is an infographic that puts together many mental health issues. I’ve written most of them out since there are so many and the graph is so small.

Types Of Anxiety

Agora

PTSD

OCD

Acute Stress Disorder

Adjustment Disorder

Substance Induced

Separation Anxiety

Selective Mutism

Caffeine Induced

Androphobia (fear of men)

Panic

Social

Generalized

Types Of Schizophrenia

Schizoaffective

Paranoid

Brief Psychotic

Schizophrenium

Delusional

Shared Psychotic

Disorganized/ Hebephrenia

Cenesthopathic

Types Of Eating Disorders

Anorexia Nervosa

Bulimia Nervosa

Binge Eating

Eating Disorder Not Other Specified (EDNOS)

Atypical

Purging

Night/Nocturnal

Orthorexia

Pica

Types Of Self Harm

Cutting

Carving

Using Objects (kicking or punching a wall)

Scratching

Picking

Ripping Skin off

Promiscuity

Burning

Hair Pulling

Rubbing objects on the skin

Misusing or Abusing Alcohol or drugs

Eating Disorders

Suicide Attempt

Law Breaking

Poisoning with toxic chemicals

Excessive exercise

Multiple piercings and/or tattoos

Overspending money

Types of ADD/ADHD

Inattentive

Hyperactive-Impulsive

Classic ADD

Overfocused ADD

Temporal Lobe ADD

Limbic ADD

Ring of Fire ADD

Anxious ADD

Types of Addiction

Alcoholism

Drugs

Nicotine

Food

Gambling

Internet

Sexual

Shopping

Work

Video Games

Plastic Surgery

OTC Medications

Arson

People Pleasing

Perfectionism

Sick Days Are Built Into Your Compensation Package

Not utilizing your sick days or PTO or not taking unemployment benefits is foolish because they are part of your compensation package. Your employer pays unemployment insurance, which directly affects your compensation.

Don’t be a proud ignoramus like me who only took maybe 15 sick days after 11 years of service, when I was allotted 77 sick days. Definitely don’t be one of those people who hoard their PTO and actually lose some of their days because they exceeded the carryover limit.

Take your sick days, take your vacation days, use short-term disability and long-term disability when needed.

You don’t feel bad about your employer subsidizing most of your healthcare costs. So why should you feel bad about taking sick days?

If your employer gets around the unpaid PTO issue by offering unlimited PTO, your mission is to take more PTO, especially if you are planning to do something else. Test the the word “unlimited.” So long as you’re hitting your performance metrics, you should be fine.

We’re in a tight labor market folks. The very least you can do is take advantage of all your benefits. And for goodness sake, let’s all accept that mental illness affects us all in some way.

Once you embrace the ubiquity of mental illness, you will develop more empathy for those whom you find disagreeable. Peace and love.

Using The Family Medical Leave Act To Negotiate A Severance

Sweet (Or Sweat) Dreams Of Becoming A Millionaire again

The Book That Changed My Life And Made Me Rich Again

Readers, why doesn’t society do a better job at recognizing mental illnesses? Why do some people feel embarrassed or conflicted about taking sick days or PTO? Have people been conditioned this badly to not recognize their benefits?

The post Mental Illness Deserves A Sick Day Just Like A Physical Illness appeared first on Financial Samurai.

from Finance https://www.financialsamurai.com/mental-illness-deserves-a-sick-day-just-like-a-physical-illness/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

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ronaldmrashid · 6 years ago

Text

Mental Illness Deserves A Sick Day Just Like A Physical Illness

Needless self-imposed pressures are why so many of us aren’t as happy as we should be. As soon as I let go of my perennial goals of outperforming the S&P and reaching ever higher website growth, I started to feel happier.

Accept Your Mental Illness

But nobody comes out and admits they have a mental illness that’s keeping them down. Yet I argue we all experience some sort of mental illness at some point in our lives.

I come down with a mental illness at least once a year.

Sometimes I get depressed about how unfair life is. My depression always focuses on why some people have so much opportunity, while other people have so little opportunity.

While living in Malaysia, one of my friend’s died in a car accident at age 15. He lost control and rammed into a tree off the highway. Yes, he legally wasn’t allowed to drive, but we were irreverent in Kuala Lumpur. The passenger in the front seat didn’t survive either.

The next day, I called Mark to ask whether he wanted to hang out. I will always remember his mother’s voice telling me he had passed away.

The reason why I started Financial Samurai in July 2009 was due to extreme anxiety and fear that I was going to lose everything I spent 10 years building up until the financial crisis.

I had nightmares of having to go back to work flipping burgers at McDonald’s for a tyrant manager. As a result, perhaps I am more sensitive to financial loss than the average person.

Take Sick Days For Your Mental Health

When I advised employees to take sick days instead of PTO in my post, Using Vacation Days Before A Severance Negotiation, I expected some readers to question my advice given our grinding society.

Here are a couple negative responses,

To a manager or CEO, these responses are music to their ears. Their goal is to have employees be max loyal to the firm, while they enrich themselves with max reward.

Types Of Mental Illnesses

Types Of Anxiety

Agora

PTSD

OCD

Acute Stress Disorder

Adjustment Disorder

Substance Induced

Separation Anxiety

Selective Mutism

Caffeine Induced

Androphobia (fear of men)

Panic

Social

Generalized

Types Of Schizophrenia

Schizoaffective

Paranoid

Brief Psychotic

Schizophrenium

Delusional

Shared Psychotic

Disorganized/ Hebephrenia

Cenesthopathic

Types Of Eating Disorders

Anorexia Nervosa

Bulimia Nervosa

Binge Eating

Eating Disorder Not Other Specified (EDNOS)

Atypical

Purging

Night/Nocturnal

Orthorexia

Pica

Types Of Self Harm

Cutting

Carving

Using Objects (kicking or punching a wall)

Scratching

Picking

Ripping Skin off

Promiscuity

Burning

Hair Pulling

Rubbing objects on the skin

Misusing or Abusing Alcohol or drugs

Eating Disorders

Suicide Attempt

Law Breaking

Poisoning with toxic chemicals

Excessive exercise

Multiple piercings and/or tattoos

Overspending money

Types of ADD/ADHD

Inattentive

Hyperactive-Impulsive

Classic ADD

Overfocused ADD

Temporal Lobe ADD

Limbic ADD

Ring of Fire ADD

Anxious ADD

Types of Addiction

Alcoholism

Drugs

Nicotine

Food

Gambling

Internet

Sexual

Shopping

Work

Video Games

Plastic Surgery

OTC Medications

Arson

People Pleasing

Perfectionism

Sick Days Are Built Into Your Compensation Package

Take your sick days, take your vacation days, use short-term disability and long-term disability when needed.

You don’t feel bad about your employer subsidizing most of your healthcare costs. So why should you feel bad about taking sick days?

We’re in a tight labor market folks. The very least you can do is take advantage of all your benefits. And for goodness sake, let’s all accept that mental illness affects us all in some way.

Once you embrace the ubiquity of mental illness, you will develop more empathy for those whom you find uncomfortable.

Related: Using The Family Medical Leave Act To Negotiate A Severance

The post Mental Illness Deserves A Sick Day Just Like A Physical Illness appeared first on Financial Samurai.

from https://www.financialsamurai.com/mental-illness-deserves-a-sick-day-just-like-a-physical-illness/

#Financial Samurai

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good-apollo-imburning · 8 years ago

Text

Bad Memory

My parents always told me that I have a bad memory.

When I have my good days, I don’t really remember how I could possibly have bad days. I see flowers blossom so vividly, I feel his lips against mine and beam so brightly, and the way my dogs’ ears flatten and how hard their tails wag when they see me.

When I have my bad days, I don’t know how I can ever have my good days again. I can feel the cold metal against my willing flesh, the sweet and temporary release of it and the crash afterwards. The long lines on my skin, like constellations, connecting one painful night to another, except there’s nothing beautiful about this starry sky. Their shallow crevices telling me that I didn’t do my job properly.

The battlefield of mashed potatoes and gravy swimming on my plate, the way my fork seems to skirt around and the inevitable waterfall of technicolor food spewing back up, I can remember those things. The guilt afterwards. The acid that creeps up for the rest of the day. The way my gums gleam ruby red and bleed whenever I brush my teeth. I remember when I see the flashing black numbers beneath my pink toes, screaming back at me that I’m not trying hard enough. The reminder that I’m not sick enough.

I can recall the way people’s words sink into me like poison, sliding into my veins and crippling my perception and feeding my self doubt and hatred. Do people care? What do they think of me? Do I look okay? Is my hair okay? Am I too big? Is my voice too loud? Too low? Do I take up too much space? Am I enough? The slightest change of tone, the tiniest inflection, the way the syllables clash against my ear drums, I can never forget the way how every comment can be turned against me.

Am I enough?

I can remember your fingers and the way you dragged him across those hardwood floors that you worked so hard on laying down. The pride of building this masterpiece of a household and the solidity of its foundation shaken by years of alcoholism and reminders of past infidelity. These well painted walls hung with beautiful frames shattered by the punches and black eyes given to my brother as he lied and told the school that he fell. The cabinets knew the guilt I felt as I watch with wide eyes and my saltwater gaze dripped and ran as my ears rang with their screams.

“He’s a bad kid,” they told me. “He deserves it,” they told me.“ I had plenty of food in the cupboards, never had a cold night in bed, and had clothes on my back, but I crawled on my stomach and foraged like an animal for any sort of compliment from them. I believed them. "He deserves it,” I whispered as I heard him thrown about like rag doll. “He’s a bad kid.” I ate up their words as they spoon fed me this mantra.

He hated me. I don’t blame him. He was in pain. I let him drown. He stabbed me. I broke his arm. He broke my fingers. We screamed at each other like a well rehearsed recital. I don’t think either of us meant to be violent. We didn’t know better.

We didn’t know that whiskey wasn’t meant to be drank like water. We didn’t know that vodka wasn’t prescribed over the counter for a broken heart. My dad cheated on my mom when we were young. My mom had a heart attack and other ailments and was slowly withering away. Maybe her broken heart felt shattered in more ways then one. She hated him. He never forgave himself. They started dated at 13. They married at 19. They were children with adult bodies and adult expectations. It was too much. They were thrown into a world they weren’t ready for. They didn’t know better.

My brother left as soon as he turned 18. When he left, I thought that life could be normal. I thought that me, being the good child that I was, could make them happy again.

I, too, was actually a bad child.

I didn’t remember their snide comments throughout the years until my brother left, until his vacancy required me to fill it. “You should exercise more,” they would tell me when I was 8. “Are you a fucking dyke or something?” My dad asked me when I only had guy friends and wanted to sit by them during middle school orientation. “Music is a waste of time,” when I mentioned I wanted to learn the flute. I practiced so hard that my teacher thought it was natural talent. I practiced when they weren’t home because they thought it was annoying.

Was I good enough?

“You need to really cut back,” my mom would say when I took an extra slice of pizza, or when I asked for ice cream when we went out. I remember hearing her wretch after every meal, and the way her fork scraped her plate as she claimed to not be hungry after organizing her food as she did with everything in her life.

I remember the day I stopped eating. I had a plum. I was so hungry but I was tired of hearing how I wasn’t pretty enough, wasn’t skinny enough, and how my very body took up too much space. I wanted to rip out every single piece of fat, lay it out and prove that I was strong and could be thin enough. It was one of the days that I had senior pictures scheduled. I felt faint, but I was in power finally.

It wasn’t enough for them. They tore into my guts and stomach and reach for my heart. They cracked open my brain and planted the seeds of mistrust and fear. She was a weaver of words. “You’ll never amount to anything.” “You’re tearing this family apart.” “Why do you think we drink?”

I tried to be my dad’s ally, his shield for when she shrieked and threw his infidelity into his face. Her claws tore into my face and claimed that he was fucking me instead. My heart grew cold as I watched him withdraw from me and become a bystander as she continued to pry and mentally unhinge me.

He would step in when I would push back. When my mom would slap me and kick me and I finally had enough and would push back, that’s when I would see red. His fists connecting with my temple. I saw Vincent Van Gogh’s Starry Night. I saw the Mona Lisa’s smile on my mother’s lips as he would grab my shirt and say that no one could touch her that way. I could see every grain on those hardwood floors as I was dragged across them.

I was so thin and in so much pain and I finally had enough. I left that household and live abroad. I thought it would make everything better, that leaving that house and pushing everything away would make everything okay.

But my days were filled with empty eyes and stomachs, and my nights were filled with dripping beds and screams as I woke from constant nightmares. Leaving Europe and returning back to the States reminded me that I couldn’t just leave my troubles at the airport. I hoped from lover to lover, running as soon as I thought they would leave. I drank and binged and purged and cried. I think I was trying to find something to fill the void in my heart. I’m not quite sure though.

I had tried committing suicide twice by this point. The hospital wrapped me up in pills and false hopes, had listened and believed my parents, and forced me to live there while I ‘recovered’.

She would scream about how awful of a child I was, how I made her feel like shit constantly and how selfish I was to try to take my own life until I would scream and cry back. It was her plan all along, I think. At this point in my life, I was trying therapy and medication to seek relief from the demons that plagued me. I didn’t know how one could recover in that sort of environment though. My parents would claim I would have no credibility, that I was mentally unstable and who would believe me anyway? I had diagnoses that would make anyone run the opposite direction. Who would love me anyway? I still remember the stones cutting my feet open as I sprinted from the house and the way you pursued me, my screams for naught as the whole neighborhood once again turned a blind eye.

I moved out. Tried school again. Had a boy that I thought that loved me but only loved the idea of saving me. As soon as he realized that the stitches in my arms couldn’t fix my aching heart as quickly, he left. Failed school again. Drank again. Cut again, thought about suicide. Had a boy that I knew I loved but couldn’t say it. He said he loved me but didn’t know how. He left. I cried. I drank again, binged and purged until my throat was raw and I was coughing up blood. Thought about killing myself. Cycled through lovers again, like flipping through pages of a catalog. Swipe left, swipe right if I thought there was a chance. Maybe this one will like the way my eyes light up when I talk about my dog. Maybe this one will notice how I drink my coffee: iced like the way my heart felt when I realize that they just want another girl to fuck.

Will I ever be enough?

I dated a boy who didn’t know how to love and didn’t know if he loved me. We danced around each other, almost lovers but not quite. Messy sheets and spilled secrets but never holding hands in public. His hair changed often like his decisions. My hair grew long and tangled like my heart when I realized he didn’t love me. He decided he couldn’t. I cried. I left. I decided to cut my hair and be everything I wasn’t.

I wasn’t enough.

I dated a boy very far away from me that was fire and embers. He was dangerous and I liked that. He made my heart warm but when he lashed out, I felt his burns for weeks on end. I left. I cried. But it was okay.

I grew a bit. I moved out of my old apartment that made me feel suffocated and unappreciated. I moved in and started a relationship with a boy that was always fast paced but it felt right. At the time, he was what I needed. We were stable and safe. The winter melted into spring as we opened up our relationship and we dated a girl that was young and vibrant and beautiful. As the weather grew hot and humid I dated another boy older and quiet. As the leaves turned and grew brittle and the first snowflakes began to fall, the old boy came back and I held onto him and didn’t want to let him go. I told him I loved him finally. He said he loved me back. Life was interesting.

The quiet boy left when I tried to ask of what troubled him. The vibrant girl grew tired of the walls I built when I was hurt by her. I had the stable boy, my rock. and I thought I had a future, a safe future with him. But we were stagnant, and within that I saw the echoes of my parents’ relationship begin to stir. We would never grow past what we already had. We agreed to separate but to remain close friends.

The old boy is still in my life and we are currently still seeing each other. I grieve the loss of my relationship with the safe boy, but I didn’t want to end up hating him. I didn’t want to end up like my parents.

I talk to my parents occasionally. When people ask, I never refer to them in a bad light. I say they aren’t bad people, perhaps at most they just don’t know how to be parents. I don’t hate them. I feel bad for them.

I have my good days. I have my bad days. I remember bits and pieces of things. The way your hazel eyes looked at me that one summer night. The way you pressed the knife against you and said you couldn’t take it anymore. It’s fragmented and in pieces, kind of like the glasses that I break on occasion when my temper gets the best of me. My anxiety flares up and licks my mind like fire. I’m trying. I think. I think I’m trying.

I don’t know if I am enough.

I have a bad memory I guess.

#personal #mental abuse #physical abuse #self harm #suicide #anorexia #bulimia #abandonment issues I guess #parental issues #i'm trying i promise

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oovitus · 7 years ago

Text

I want to be ‘That Girl’. How you can successfully turn body envy into action.

Ah, That Girl. She’s got a defined waist, hair that looks styled even when it’s not, and a noticeable lack of kid throw-up on her sweater.

After coaching thousands of clients, I can confidently say: Wanting to be That Girl can either propel you toward your goal… or completely paralyze you. Here’s what to do about it.

++++

Ever look at someone, and think, “wow, she’s really got it all together”?

Maybe you’ve wondered what her secret is.

Maybe you’ve also wondered why you can’t seem to get things together the same way.

Not. Even. Close.

Your desire to be “That Girl” can either propel you toward your goal… or completely paralyze you.

In this article, I’m going to tell you the truth about “That Girl.” (Hint: it’s not something you’ll find on her super-polished Facebook profile or her gorgeous #nofilter Instagram feed.)

And I’ll show you how to use this kind of comparison to work for you, instead of against you.

++++

Before digging in, however, I wanted to let you know that soon we’ll be opening up spots in our Precision Nutrition Coaching program.

You see, twice a year we work with small groups of men and women hoping to look better, feel better, and gain control over their health and fitness.

Over the course of 12 months together, we help them get into the best shape of their lives… and stay that way for good.

For a sneak peek at the amazing things we’ve helped our clients accomplish, check out this short video:

vimeo

Meet some of the people whose bodies — and lives — have been changed by Precision Nutrition Coaching.

Want to learn even more? Join the Presale List Today.

During the Precision Nutrition Coaching program we’ll guide you through important, permanent improvements in your eating, exercise, body, and health.

The results?

You’ll lose the weight (and body fat) you haven’t been able to shed for years. You’ll build physical strength and gain confidence. And you’ll end up feeling like the healthiest, strongest, fittest version of yourself.

In other words, we’ll help you become your own version of “That Girl”.

Which brings us back to today’s article…

++++

So there’s this woman. She’s awesome. Inspiring, even.

She looks fabulous, confident, and comfortable in her own skin. She’s into Pilates or running or Crossfit or kale juice or something else that keeps her full of energy.

She rocks Lululemon pants and skinny jeans. Yes, even after three angelic children.

She totally, completely has it all together. And she’s the number one request from women who join Precision Nutrition Coaching:

I want to be That Girl.

We all know That Girl.

That Girl is a lawyer, or a neurosurgeon, or an international diplomat, or perhaps a stay-at-home mother. Whatever she does, she excels at it and is fulfilled.

You can find her on social media using hashtags like #honored and #grateful and #blessed — and she means it.

“Make me look like That Girl.”

Twenty-plus years ago, That Girl was Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2.

These days, she’s Jessica Alba or Eva Mendes or Kendall Jenner on Instagram.

And, on the home front, you might have seen That Girl at school drop-off, at the grocery store, or dominating the running trails.

(Of course, while she’s dropping off three well-groomed offspring, you’re shoving aside banana peels and empty soda cups to make room for your kid’s dog-hair-encrusted car seat. And you’re wearing your husband’s track pants with baby spit-up because they’re the only things that fit you right now.)

You can’t help but think…

Why does she have it all together, when I so clearly do not?

Actually, That Girl doesn’t have it all together. I know, because I coached her.

At a certain point, no matter who you are, coaching requires you to get a little bit honest and a little bit vulnerable. Yes, I’ve seen it all.

I’ve had women stand before me to get measurements taken, half-naked and feeling exposed in their underwear, without the soft lighting and baby oil used in photo shoots.

I’ve seen a lot of tears, even from the most rock-solid, wall-of-muscle types. (Think That Girl wouldn’t collapse into a ball of sobs on the floor of a public bathroom? Think again.)

I’ve heard it all. I’ve heard about the secret Oreo and Nutella binges, about the even-more-secret eating disorders, about the booze and the sneaky cigarettes and the injuries and the heartbreak and the crazy boss and the reasons why your mom always liked your sister best and why it feels like you can never measure up.

It doesn’t matter what size you are, whether you have abs, whether you know how to apply false eyelashes, or whether you’ve ever lifted a barbell in your life.

I’ve had your emotional throw-up all over me.

And it’s OK. It’s great, actually.

Really. You know why? Because…

“That Girl” doesn’t exist.

It’s easy to believe that Everyone Else is doing so much better than you.

After all, everybody’s social media feed tells you something different. Between Instagram and the fitness magazines and the “best booty beach body bikini bonanza” campaigns, it can seem like Everyone Else can handle their lives.

Everyone Else is losing weight or gaining muscle or getting fitter so much faster and more effortlessly than you.

Everyone Else has their shit together. Everyone Else has everything you don’t.

It feels like you’re the only person in the world with your problems. That it’s much harder for you than for everyone else.

But the truth is:

There is no Everyone Else.

You see…

No one can escape the reality of family and deadlines and the thermodynamic laws that govern metabolism.

Not Jessica Alba, not Eva Mendes, not anyone.

That Girl doesn’t exist the way you think she does.

We are all imperfect, wonderful, messy, very-much-human beings with hopes and fears and desires and neuroses and jobs and lives and kids and dogs or cats and family demands and toilets that need unclogging and lines-becoming-wrinkles and hangnails and alarms that go off too early and a love of chocolate-chip cookies… and all the rest of reality.

None of it gets easier with make-believe.

It’s only once we’re able to be honest about what’s going on in their lives — to stop worrying about being the only person who isn’t fit enough, smart enough, together enough, getting enough things done in a day, a good enough mom / wife / worker, whatever — that we can start becoming our own versions of That Girl.

Want to know how it’s done? Check out these 6 steps.

Step 1. Reconsider your expectations.

I have good news for you, and I have bad news.

The good news is, if you’re looking to get into reasonable, moderate shape — or even pretty good shape — you are completely capable of doing so.

You can regain control of your life and your habits. You can overcome emotional eating issues. You can take care of others while still taking care of yourself. In fact, you can even build a body that you love, and are proud of.

I know. I know. That body-love probably seems crazy and impossible right now. But with some small, consistent changes, and support, these things are totally doable.

On the other hand, getting cover-model lean and ripped (especially if you want it to happen overnight and especially if you want it to last longer than 24 hours) probably won’t be worth your while.

As we explored in our article The Cost of Getting Lean, getting into magazine-cover shape is intense. You have to give up a lot of your life to do this.

You eat out of Tupperware. You measure everything that goes into your mouth. Your entire routine revolves around eating (or not eating), working out, and sleeping so you have enough energy to work out again.

Sure, some people do this successfully. You could get Cameron-Diaz-ripped if you literally had nothing else to prioritize in your life.

But here’s the secret: Those people you see in the magazines (the people you imagine are “Everybody Else”) are professionals who make their living that way. 99.99 percent of us are not those people.

Those pros only look like that for a few hours or days. They pour thousands of hours and dollars into the project of getting super lean and ripped. Which means that even the 0.01 percent still don’t look like that all the time.

Nor are their lives awesome. In fact, arguably, their lives are much less awesome than you think. They’re eating three ounces of plain cold chicken out of a Ziploc bag at a family barbecue before they go and do their second workout of the day.

In short:

Getting into slightly better shape, or a slightly healthier routine, doesn’t take much effort. That may be what is realistic for most of us, right now.

Getting into epic shape takes tremendous sacrifice… and kinda sucks. It probably isn’t worth it for most of us, right now.

Getting into epic shape creates other problems. Because of the demands of their job, cover models are often less happy, healthy, and balanced than the average person. (If you’ve ever chased this dream, you may have discovered this firsthand in the form of workout injuries, anxiety and depression, disordered eating, hormonal disruption, social isolation, and a host of other problems.)

So if magazine covers are off the table at the moment, what can you do?

Step 2. Find new ‘That Girl’ inspiration.

How about your kid’s preschool teacher? She’s on her feet all day, spends recess playing tag with 4-year-olds, and has patience and calm like you’ve never seen. How does she keep up her energy?

Or the mom on your block who always seems like she’s having fun playing with her kids, and not afraid to get goofy or messy or even a little scratched up in the process. Does she have any advice for you?

What about the seventy-something who’s aging so gracefully? What has her daily routine looked like throughout the years?

Or consider your neighbor who’s so good at growing her own veggies — and always willing to share her sun-ripened tomatoes with you.

When our clients shift their perspective to “good enough”, “a little bit better”, or “just practicing”, their progress tends to pick up noticeably.

Why? They’re able to focus on something that actually works: small moments of health, fitness, and wellness that they can do… today.

Success is almost always built from putting small things on top of small things on top of small things… until they’re transformed into big things.

Step 3. Learn to be OK with being “not OK”.

Nobody really has it all together; certainly not all the time. And we’re all at least a little bit “not OK”.

And that, paradoxically, is totally OK.

When you’re a Precision Nutrition Coaching client you’ll hear phrases like:

Step into the discomfort.

Let things be a bit messy.

You are human. You are normal. You are not a weirdo. You are not alone.

You’ll also hear questions like:

How might you make things a little bit simpler for yourself?

What does it feel like to sit with the discomfort of change?

How could you stretch yourself just a bit?

We help you deal with that “not OK-ness” because life is never going to be completely OK, 100 percent of the time.

It’s not going anywhere. Grappling with pain — whether that’s actual pain and suffering, or just small daily annoyances — is part of being human.

As adults, we recognize life’s complexity and richness. Wanting to “be perfect” or “have it all” is not an adult wish. It’s a child wish: to have all the toys, all the time, even your sister’s.

Everyone has a struggle, even That Girl. You might just not see it.

For instance:

48% of our female clients take prescription medication.

Of those taking meds, 33% take antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication.

36% of our clients have injuries. And many struggle with chronic pain.

27% of our female clients are over 50. (Even if you’re healthy, aging brings its own challenges.)

In addition, many of our female clients struggle with a “let’s call it complicated” relationship with food.

Plus, they feel overdrawn. After work, family, and household responsibilities, they often don’t feel like they have much left over for themselves. And despite all their knowledge about food and fitness, they struggle to be consistent and take care of themselves the way they’d like.

Many of these challenges are invisible. You often can’t see pain or disability. You often can’t see psychological distress. Unless you see someone pop a pill, you don’t know what they’re taking.

And guess what — the PN staff struggle with the exact same things.

We have injuries. Or had them. Or will have them.

We’ve struggled with mental and emotional health sometimes. Or often.

We’ve struggled with addictions — whether that’s to work, or exercise, or food, or alcohol, or anything else that someone could get hooked on.

We’ve gained too much weight, or been scrawny, or gone weeks or months without working out.

We’ve been the ones wearing the baby barf sweatpants.

No matter what the challenge is, at least a few of us have faced it.

And remember, That Girl, who looks so fit and healthy, may be in the middle of a long and difficult journey.

Like the cancer survivors whom we coached through post-treatment rehab.

Like people who are coming back from an injury or illness.

Like people who just have so much on their metaphorical plate, and feel every emotion — stress, happiness, sadness, you name it — as hunger.

No matter how someone looks, you don’t know what it’s taken to get where they are today. We’re all out here in the field together. Trying our best under imperfect circumstances.

Accepting imperfection is your ticket to being your version of That Girl.

Step 4. For certain symptoms, explore deeper.

It’s OK to not be OK. None of us are 100 percent OK. At the same time, sometimes things are really not-OK, including:

chronic insomnia or poor quality sleep

chronic pain or lack of mobility

frequent injuries and/or illnesses

chronic and debilitating depression, anxiety, or other mental health concerns

chronic social isolation and relationship difficulties

chronic lethargy and lack of energy

not menstruating (if you should be, i.e you’re not pregnant or post-menopause)

feeling like you need alcohol or recreational drugs to function

concerns with food, eating, and/or exercise that seem to be taking over your life and/or harming your health…

Sometimes, being in the depths of not-OK — maybe it’s triggered by a horrendously stressful situation at work, getting injured, or having lots of family obligations to fulfill — is the wake-up call we need to start working on being a little more OK.

Pay attention to your “dashboard indicator lights”.

Are your current struggles and imperfections more like garden-variety ups and downs? If they are, that’s just fine. It’s all part of being human.

On the other hand, if something feels really off, you might need a little extra help. You might talk to a trained coach, counselor, or other health care professional.

Step 5. Chase your awesome.

It’s not all-or-nothing. If you can’t do an exercise or make the healthy dish you found on Pinterest, don’t let it be a reason to do nothing.

Find a work-around. Get help if you need it. Trust yourself to devise a system that works for you. For example…

If your knees aren’t as sturdy as they used to be, think about branching out from your usual running routine. Or ask a coach how an exercise can be modified.

If you don’t like cooking or working out alone, find someone else to do this with. Grab a friend for Sunday batch-cooking day, or check out a group class.

Having trouble “finding time” for things? Get out a calendar and start planning. Book appointments with yourself. Track your time so you spot inefficiencies. Set alarms and reminders, stick Post-it notes, do whatever it takes.

Everyone has to work at it, even That Girl. Especially at the beginning.

People hate the feeling of exercise when they’re out of shape. People suck when they start a new sport. No one is good at squats the first time.

But it’s not until we can accept how things are right now — including how lost, overwhelmed, and vulnerable we sometimes feel — that we can change.

If we are willing to start where we are, a whole bunch of truly amazing things can happen:

We discover we don’t have to do it all by ourselves. We can ask for help (and receive that help graciously).

We evolve past an “all-or-nothing” attitude, to see the tiny joys and achievements that are everywhere.

We start to notice small improvements — in our bodies, our behavior, and our mental attitude. And feel really, really good about these things.

We can pick ourselves up after we fall down, and have the courage to keep going. Our confidence increases and we feel stronger and more resilient.

We start to do the things we didn’t think we could do. We look better, feel better, and discover that, somewhere along the way, we became…

… our own, unique, imperfect version of That Girl.

How did we do it?

By finding our own awesome.

Looking for it. Chasing it. Making it happen.

Right here, right now. In the middle of our messy, “so-not-That-Girl” lives.

What to do next

Most women I’ve coached spend a lot of time thinking about That Girl. But instead of feeling inspired, they feel paralyzed. That’s when we focus on the following:

1. Don’t get hung up on failures.

Most people who enroll in Precision Nutrition Coaching feel like they’ve “failed” at losing weight and getting in shape a bunch of times by the time they come to us.

For women, that leads to lots of negative feelings — especially shame and sadness.

But when I look at you, I don’t see a “failure”. I see hope, courage and persistence. Because after every time you’ve fallen off the wagon, even if you’ve fallen so hard that your head is still spinning, you get back up. You keep trying. You keep hoping.

I don’t see every time you ended a fitness program or a nutrition plan. I see every time you tried to start again.

Now that’s courage. So I don’t have to “inspire” or “motivate” you. Your hope springs eternal.

As a coach, my job is to help you start better, and keep going on the right path — a path that works for you, and your busy, messy, real, “imperfect” life.

And, at Precision Nutrition, we want to help you learn and discover what does work for you, so you can just keep on doing it, and enjoying it. Finding the right path for your unique needs is what will help you regain ownership over your body, your health, and your “That Girl-ness”.

2. Think about what success looks like for you.

Instead of an imaginary, plastic, magazine-cover That Girl, imagine yourself… living the kind of life you want to live.

Be specific. What is That Girl doing at 3pm on a Tuesday? What does she do, or think about, or remember, when she wakes up in the morning? What does she have for lunch?

How does she think about the world? What kinds of decisions does she make about her life? What kinds of adventures does she have, and what makes those possible?

For example… is she lifting heavy weights and rocking tank tops? Doing ‘mud runs’ with her kids? Finally getting rehab for her old shoulder injury and actually doing chin-ups? Hiking in the Andes?

Don’t box yourself in with a rigid, narrow ideal. Go big and zesty with your imagined future. That Girl is having a juicy life. How?

3. Build workarounds / bridges on the path to That Girl.

OK, now, break that inspirational role model’s daily routine into very, very tiny pieces.

Maybe you imagined what she had for lunch. Now imagine her just opening the fridge. In that moment, what is she thinking? What is she doing? Start there, in that small moment.

Maybe you imagined what she did for her exercise, like hiking a gorgeous outdoor trail, or surfing, or tango dancing. Now imagine her just putting her hiking boots on, or stepping into the surf. In that moment, what is she thinking? How is she taking on this adventure? Start there, in that small moment.

Maybe your version of “surfing” today is dipping your toes in the local pool at the Y. Maybe your version of mountain climbing today is walking your aging pug up a stiff hill. Maybe your version of sexy tango today is wiggling your slightly arthritic hips to “Bootylicious” as you make dinner for the kids. Good enough. Now you’ve started.

Become an engineer of your life: Start with the outcome you want, and work backward. Break that outcome down into tinier and tinier pieces until you arrive at something you can do in the next five minutes to work towards that goal, and that life, and that ultimate adventure.

Take one small problem at a time — one barrier to eating well or working out, and play with different ways to solve it. How can you overcome that one obstacle today? Can you do it again tomorrow?

4. Just start acting like That Girl.

Adopt her confidence. Assume you’re capable of the things she is. Strut a little when you walk. Cruise hiking boot websites and dream of mountains. Whisper to yourself that you, and not cruel fate, are the boss of your life.

Would That Girl do an extra rep or an extra 100 meters? Would That Girl sign up for a Zumba class even though she steps on her own feet? Would That Girl wear the crazy-colored workout tights that she loves, even though some jerk told her she had a big bum when she was 15?

How would That Girl kick the world in the ass today? And how can you at least start to pretend to do the same… until you practice so much, you forget that kicking the world in the ass wasn’t your natural habit?

No, you can’t lose 40 pounds or get ripped overnight. But if you just take on a few of That Girl’s habits, one at a time and little by little, you may eventually find yourself living a much more fabulous life in a much stronger, happier, healthier body.

5. Start assembling your team.

Truth: Life is not a do-it-yourself project. Nobody — not even Beyoncé — is that independent.

So, ask yourself:

Who do you need in your life to help you become the person you want to be?

What support systems will you need to become your own version of “That Girl”?

Do you need to add people to your “Project OK” team? Such as a trusted buddy or family member, a coach, counselor, or other health care provider? If so, find them and share your vision with them. Ask for what you need. Let them help.

Change does not happen spontaneously. Along with helpers, you need systems. Things that remind you, guide you, help you, fill in the gaps for you, and generally help you stay more or less on track.

Start actively seeking out the support systems that will help you get to where you want to go.

Want help becoming the healthiest, fittest, strongest version of you?

Most people know that regular movement, eating well, sleep, and stress management are important for looking and feeling better. Yet they need help applying that knowledge in the context of their busy, sometimes stressful lives.

That’s why we work closely with Precision Nutrition Coaching clients to help them lose fat, get stronger, and improve their health… no matter what challenges they’re dealing with.

It’s also why we work with health, fitness and wellness professionals (through our Level 1 and Level 2 Certification programs) to teach them how to coach their own clients through the same challenges.

Interested in Precision Nutrition Coaching? Join the presale list; you’ll save up to 54% and secure a spot 24 hours early.

We’ll be opening up spots in our next Precision Nutrition Coaching on Wednesday, June 6th, 2018.

If you’re interested in coaching and want to find out more, I’d encourage you to join our presale list below. Being on the list gives you two special advantages.

You’ll pay less than everyone else. At Precision Nutrition we like to reward the most interested and motivated people because they always make the best clients. Join the presale list and you’ll save up to 54% off the general public price, which is the lowest price we’ve ever offered.

You’re more likely to get a spot. To give clients the personal care and attention they deserve, we only open up the program twice a year. Last time we opened registration, we sold out within minutes. By joining the presale list you’ll get the opportunity to register 24 hours before everyone else, increasing your chances of getting in.

If you’re ready to change your body, and your life, with help from the world’s best coaches, this is your chance.

[Note: If your health and fitness are already sorted out, but you’re interested in helping others, check out our Precision Nutrition Level 1 Certification program].

The post I want to be ‘That Girl’. How you can successfully turn body envy into action. appeared first on Precision Nutrition.

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51 Tips To Start Getting In Shape From People Who Have Been There

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/51-tips-to-start-getting-in-shape-from-people-who-have-been-there/

51 Tips To Start Getting In Shape From People Who Have Been There

Realistic advice that works for real people, from real people. No more crash diets and get-ripped-quick schemes.

We recently asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us their best tips for getting in shape. Check out what they shared — inspiring and actionable ways to get in shape and love doing it.

Push your limits.

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Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed

Be willing to try any workout class at least once, and recognize that your workout preferences may change with your fitness level. —katier4bba4c003

Always be willing to push your limits. It may be scary — trust me, I know — but it is well worth it. I dreaded trying to run and do other types of workouts, but when I did I loved the results and stuck to it. Heck, it helped me lose 40 pounds so far! —natashac14

I challenged myself, in pouring rain and snow, to run eight kilometers. If I did it, it would prove to me that I can do anything I set my mind to. I did it, and now I love running every day. —alvan

Become comfortable with the feeling of being uncomfortable. You will be hungry, tired, sore, and sweaty. But true change doesn’t come unless you push yourself outside of your comfort zone. If you just accept the temporary discomfort for long-lasting results, it helps you get through. —jackayb

Join a gym or work with a trainer.

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Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed

Girls, if you are too intimidated to do heavy compound exercises in the gym because you feel like you have no idea what you’re doing, one option is to make an investment and enroll in CrossFit for a couple of months before returning to a cheaper gym membership. You get one-on-one training from coaches to learn the proper form and technique of weightlifting for a bigger price — but it’s totally worth it! —kyrac480bf58ad

Join a gym. Not just a chain, but a local gym with real people that have group fitness classes. DO those group fitness classes! And whatever you do, don’t stop. Start with one day a week. Then when you’re ready, try two. Then three, and so on. Don’t quit. —gnarwy

Get a trainer. Learn what to do then fire them. —Janet Guerra

Find a gym environment you feel comfortable in and set up a schedule and plan you can stick to. The personal trainers will love to help you achieve the goals that work with your body and fitness level. Trust me, it’s the best decision I’ve ever made in regards to fitness. Also, it’s good to get your fitness level evaluated so you know your current limits. —brittanyr4de56b426

Eat more mindfully.

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Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed

Eating clean just means avoiding processed foods. Shop from the outside perimeter of the grocery store. —reneed49e0b5534

10.

Replace unhealthy foods around the house with healthier choices. Normally have a bowl of ice cream after dinner? Have frozen blueberries instead. They’re delicious and much better for you. And have lots of healthy things that you can snack on when you feel the urge to binge. Everyone does it sometimes, but you can reduce the damage by making your snacks things that are good for you. —hazell49da6b9e2

11.

Food Network Magazine‘s weeknight cooking section has an awesome variety of meals with nutritional info. That was a huge help to me on my weight-loss journey. Now I’m down 80 pounds! —katier4bba4c003

12.

Meal prepping has helped me a bunch! I plan out all my breakfasts, lunches, dinners, and snacks for the week, buy everything, cook it all, and pack it all up at the beginning of the week. Then I’m not tempted to just go for easy, not-so-healthy options, and I don’t have to worry about not having anything to eat at all! I also make sure to throw in some indulgences throughout the week, like if I’m absolutely craving some thin mints I only have one or two to satisfy the craving without ruining my week. —Melissa Nicole Kight

13.

Don’t focus on cutting food/calories out of your daily intake, but start to focus on putting good things into your body. I try to follow the 80/20 rule: 80% of the food you eat should benefit your body; “healthy” foods. Twenty percent is the amount of empty food you should have a day. Empty foods are foods that fill you up, but provide no nutritional value to your body whatsoever. —blakes4737c6dfa

Stay hydrated.

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Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed

14.

Quit drinking soda, coffee with sweetener, energy drinks, etc. Make water your go-to choice of beverage when you’re out to eat and at home. After I did this for two weeks, I had more energy, slept better, my skin cleared up, and I didn’t feel sluggish in the afternoons. Trust me, this is a small trick that makes a huge difference. —peijaa

15.

I bought a water bottle that has a dial so I can keep track of how many full bottles I drink per day. I keep it with me at all times and try to drink five bottles a day. —Elena Michele

16.

My biggest saving grace has been to drink at least a gallon of water every day. Not only does my skin and effortless sleep schedule thank me, but doing this helps me to feel less bloated and recover from binge-eating episodes — which happen more frequently than I’d like to admit. Everyone always says to stay hydrated, but few actually do it! —Helen Bierko

Find fitness activities that you love.

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Jenny Chang

17.

Always change it up. If you are getting bored with your exercise routine then find a new exercise that you enjoy doing and alternate. Getting sick of that same old salad for lunch? Find a new, healthy recipe that you will look forward to eating, and then when you are bored of eating that, find another! If you’re always keep changing it up to keep yourself interested then getting in shape won’t feel like a constant uphill battle and it just becomes habit. —Rebecca Betts

18.

I am one of those people who can’t be bothered to work out unless I am enjoying the activity. Running? Haha, no. My advice is to find an activity or sport that you ACTUALLY enjoy for reasons other than fitness. I found boxing. I love it, so I am thrilled to go EVERY DAY and fitness is just a happy by-product of my fun. There are tons of classes and team sports out there. Find something you love. —Alyssa Kate Pierce

19.

Do something that you enjoy doing. I have been wanting to try freeletics but I don’t enjoy high-intensity workouts so I compromise the intensity. I still do my burpees, squats, and sit-ups followed by 20 minutes of biking. I love biking. Don’t force yourself into doing something intense (if you are not into it), instead listen to your body and challenge yourself to do something that you love, every day. —citraischu

20.

I refuse to eat anything that isn’t delicious (it better be worth the calories) and I refuse to do exercise I hate (no running). I walk a lot and dance some, too. —francesjoys

21.

Do something fun and call it a workout. I go rock climbing all the time, sometimes I’ll go on a short hike, or ride a bike. The trick is to increase the actual workout you do incrementally. Maybe do a harder route, or do it faster. —jays4ed036bcf

Stick to it and make it a lifestyle.

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Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed

22.

Realize that what you see in the magazines, if it’s real, is the result of long, hard hours at the gym and absolutely no cheating on an incredibly specific diet. Not to mention weeks on weeks of training. Balance your daily food intake, eat clean (unprocessed) foods, and exercise to the point of feeling uncomfortable four to six times per week. The rest will happen on its own. Dedication and moderation. —briannel46a86785b

23.

Stick to it. No matter what. Getting into a daily routine can drastically change your mood, attitude, and, of course, your health. —sleepl3ss

24.

Make one small change at a time. For example, if you are a very sedentary person, suddenly going to the gym and working out seven times a week is tough to motivate yourself into doing. Start by adding an after-lunch walk to your routine, or cut out the sugar in your coffee and build from there. Smaller changes are easier to incorporate in your lifestyle and you won’t lose the motivation. —thatlittlelightbulb

25.

From someone who’s lost a significant amount of weight: There is no magic pill, diet, exercise, tips, or tricks that will make you lose weight. YOU are the only thing in your way. It is not in any way fun, hassle-free, and definitely not easy. It’s a full-time commitment, a complete lifestyle and mind change. But after all the struggle and time, it does get easier. And the way you feel about yourself makes up for everything. No one ever promised it’d be easy — they promised it’d be worth it. —Caitlin Barlow

26.

Don’t set your expectations too high — you’re not miraculously going to get those abs or better muscle definition in a few days or even weeks; you need to work for it. —ravenbard

27.

Becoming healthy and fit isn’t something that happens overnight or from a gimmicky, fad six-week diet. It is a journey and a lifestyle you fall in love with when you find your “soulmate” workout and feel amazing from eating REAL food. Four years ago, I ate nothing but takeout, didn’t know a thing about nutrition, couldn’t cook, and never worked out in my life. I was miserable and obese as a result. I decided one day to start educating myself and making small changes (which snowballed) every day. Since, I’ve lost 80 pounds, and live for fitness and nutrition. I LOOK FORWARD to my workouts and CRAVE whole foods. It’s all about COMMITTING to yourself, making small changes every day, not being afraid to try new things, surrounding yourself with like-minded people, finding workouts you ENJOY that are sustainable for YOU, and THEN your new lifestyle will fall into place. There really isn’t a quick fix or easy way out. Make the decision, commit to it, and you will succeed. —ashleighj474ebc193

Consider strength training.

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Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed

28.

Short, intense bouts of weightlifting, every second day. Basically, a less intense version of the “Body for Life” workout technique. I am, however, incredibly good at putting on muscle so results may vary. MODERATION IN ALL THINGS! That is key. —Nancy Lorenz

29.

No matter if I’m doing aerobic training or strength training, the one exercise I do almost every time I work out is the deadlift. —Samantha Fong

30.

Women: Seriously, start lifting weights. Heavy. Fucking. Weights. No more four-pound dumbbells and machine workouts. Squats, deadlifts, bench press, and all the other fun stuff in between. It is A LOT more fun than cardio, and I promise you that you won’t get bulky. —Butterkitten

31.

Compound movements like squats, deadlifts, cleans, and presses yield the quickest and most effective results. Lift heavy, lift often, and push yourself every time you step into the gym. Every increase in weight is a step forward. Five additional pounds is still five pounds, and an additional five pounds added every week for four weeks is 20 pounds more than week one. —brangieri

Set goals and track your progress.

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Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed

32.

Tracking food, exercise, and weight with the LoseIt app was the BEST thing I ever did. It helped me to realize I was eating close to twice the amount of calories I needed. And getting to add my exercises in made me motivated to work out so I could record them. Plus, nothing felt quite as good as watching the chart with my weight go down, down, down. I find I actually enjoy eating healthily and working out. It’s about lifestyle changes, not crash diets. —nicolee407d98e0a

33.

I got an app — Argus — that tracks my steps. It’s free and I get a little rush from hitting my goal daily. I also set up a system to reward myself for every X pounds lost. The rewards are stupid things like markers or socks, but there are also some big items, like a new tattoo once I hit my goal weight. —francesjoys

34.

Write everything down. Record what you do and always try to lift more, run further, run faster next time. I wrote an app to help me do that in the gym. —Things a T-Rex does

35.

Be vocal about your goals — it makes you accountable. If you want to run a half marathon, tell people. They’ll inevitably ask about it and who wants to admit that they gave up? And the support you’ll receive will help push you towards success. —susanrebeccah

36.

Set a concrete goal of something you want to accomplish, not just the vague idea of “getting fit.” Towards the end of college, I wanted to get in shape, so I picked a hiking trail to do with a friend after graduation. Whenever I would struggle with workouts, it was really helpful to think how the work I was doing would help me on the trail. —audreyw4191fb5f5

Treat yourself.

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Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed

37.

Good headphones for the gym make a difference for me. —Mashaya Sulser

38.

When you start working out, the music playlist can make all the difference. Sometimes, I’ll be plugging away on the elliptical, watching Scandal on my iPhone, and I feel like the minutes are going by so slow. If I flip on the music instead and some amazing, upbeat, kickass song comes on (or even something terrible that has a great beat), I just feel PUMPED. I have a few different workout playlists for different moods and I’ll tell you, they work great. —Kim Casey

39.

I’m a lazy girl that’s trying to get into fitness. What’s really gotten me into working out are the simple things like getting new, colorful workout gear to get in the mood. It’s like wearing a sexy bra under your clothes at work, but BETTER. —Daksha CÃ³rdova

40.

Remember to celebrate every little victory! Did you do five more minutes of running than the day before? Awesome! You took the stairs instead of the elevator? Great! Picked the healthier option even though you really wanted the bad-for-you one? Amazing! Celebrating all those little things really helps to stay motivated and so you aren’t always beating yourself up when you don’t see the immediate results that you wanted. —katceekay

41.

Treat yo’self to some new workout clothes. If you are anything like me, you’ll want to wear them STAT. —allisonelloyd

Fit exercise in.

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

42.

If you’re watching TV, do some core work during commercials (sit-ups, planks, Russian twists, etc). It keeps you active on your breaks and off days, and will also keep you from feeling *too* lazy! Small, simple steps along with your workout routine make a big difference! Give it 100%. —Daksha CÃ³rdova

43.

Walk everywhere. If you have to drive or take public transit, park far away or get off at the stop before/after your desired one so you can incorporate exercise into your daily routine. Educate yourself, and just try to find a rhythm that works best for you. It is important to understand that what someone else is doing might not work for you, and fad diets aren’t going to work or be healthy to upkeep in the long run. —jbradz

44.

I bought a workout mat and started doing a new YouTube exercise video every day at home. Some are short, doing a different one every day keeps it interesting, and I don’t have to go all the way to a gym. —Elena Michele

45.

Exercise any time you have available. Even if it’s five minutes — set your treadmill (or whatever) and by the time it goes by, you’ll be in the zone, and won’t want to stop. —alex ari

46.

Walk 30 minutes a day. It doesn’t have to be many miles eventually; you’ll work in a faster pace. Maybe plan a goal, like work your way to a mile and then two, whatever you want it to be. Walking will get you there! —Mannybr22

Stay positive and love yourself.

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Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed

47.

Love yourself as you are right now — lasting change cannot happen unless you take your blinders off and make peace with where you are right now. You are lovable and deserve love and deserve self-love no matter what. —Amy Abrams

48.

The most important thing in fitness is keeping it positive — don’t start working out because you hate your body, because you’ll never be happy. If you start from “I like my body, but I feel better when I take care of myself,” you’ll feel better about every improvement you see and you won’t be as down on yourself when it takes more than one workout. —Valerie Hemminger

49.

Understand that how you look is secondary to how you feel. Where fat develops on your body is purely genetic, and if it doesn’t develop in a way that shows off your six-pack, you’ll only be able to get one through dangerous, unhealthy means. —Jason Gillis

50.

Never compare! Everyone is at different levels. Find what you love to do — that will make it 10 billion times more enjoyable and easier to stay on track! —amandamarie85

51.

Do it for you. Don’t get in shape only to impress somebody, whether it be that you’re envious of your BFF’s killer legs or a jerkface ex that ruined your self-esteem. Fitness should be an opportunity to appreciate and admire your own beauty without needing reassurance from those who’ve made you feel inferior. Sure, they can be your motivation to inflict insane jealousy, but looking and feeling good should be your own prerogative! Confidence is at the root of all fitness, and that comes from within. —gabriellev450b7c435

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