#i need them back with me please please ive never felt so miserable

[fckfashi0n]

thinking about girlfriend gf on my mind gorlfriend gorldeiwnq girlfieendw girlfiewnqql

[st4rymoon]

Ok so ive been kinda obsessed with the vampire trope lately, like for the past month yk

On top of vampire stuff, its pussy eater miguel that's been living in my samsung notes

Anyways to ask politely, vampire Miguel por favor 🍴🍴😻😻

No same this vampire trope has been eating away at me…. Miguel vampire sexiness <3 I just know this man wouldn’t give a second thought about it. If you complained about your cramps he’d plop down next to you and convince you to let him not only fuck you, but also eat you out like a mad man while your monthly cycle comes to make your life miserable. He promises he’ll make you feel better and he always does :( !!!

𝐃𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 • Vampire Miguel O’Hara x afab reader

- 18+, pussy fiend Mig, bloodplay!, pussy! Eating while reader is on her period, talk about menstrual cycle, unprotected sex, dumbification, lots of talk about blood!, praising, breeding kink, size kink, vampire Mig!, period sex!, possessive Miguel, talks about reader being insecure about her period, pet names, soft dom Mig!

Miguel could smell you from downstairs, the sweet metallic smell of blood was filling his senses. He knew never to bring it up since you were always so anxious about your smell.

He could hear your voice already. I smell? Is it bad?

But it wasn’t in the typical way you’d expect. It was a smell that made him salivate, made him ravenous at the thought of you giving him the pleasure of indulging in his deepest impulsive desires.

He could feel his hands begin to sweat at the image of your legs spread across his desk hazed his mind. He jumped in his seat, the chair screeching back while you burst into the room with a bowl of his favorite fruits.

You took the time to cut them out in star shapes, some even in funky looking spider shapes just to tease him. “I made you some fruit honey” you skittishly smile. He took a deep breath completely ignoring the scent of fruit as your delicious scent grew more potent than before.

You placed the bowl on his desk as you made your way between his legs. You stood in front of him with a loving smile as your fingers messaged through his hair “did I scare you?”

Miguel’s hands hugged around your waist, his head dropping onto your stomach in a grumbled moaned. It was your own smell inviting him in without any words.“a little” he mumbled.

“You smell so good, so so fucking good” Miguel rambled on as he pulled you flush against his lap. You smiled at his words and allowed yourself to straddle him comfortably.

“Can I ask you something and you promise it won’t scare you?” The words were almost inaudible “you don’t need to do anything if you don’t want to ok?” He added.

You perked up at the last sentence, those words always meant something you always ended up loving. “You definitely can” you cooed with a teasing wiggle to your hips.

A rasped moan came out from his throat as he felt you press against his growing member with a tight grip on your arms, holding onto you for dear life.

“You’re on your period yes?” He whispered. “Mmhm” you nodded, your eyebrows raising at the question. “Can I eat you out? I know your going to go on about how your worried about the taste and the smell y todo esa cochinada” he muttered on.

“But you smell so fucking Devine it’s driving me crazy”he panted. Your eyes widened at his request, the grip on you not going unnoticed as you took a deep breath in.

“I- I are you sure mig? I’m on my first 2 days and you know I bleed alo-“ your worries were cut off as Miguel groaned into your shoulder “I know I already, I know that and I don’t give a shit” he practically mewled.

A smile grew on your lips as you now began to hear the desperation in his voice. You could feel Miguel radiating heat, it was as if he was burning at the feeling of you so close to him.

“Ok” you nod. Miguel’s head shot up from your shoulder, that’s all it took? “Ok what?” Miguel perked up “yes I’ll let you eat me out” you cooed.

Miguel was pleased beyond belief. The moan he let out sounded more like a growl as he pushed you onto his desk.

Although you said yes the worry of your own insecurities still lingered. Miguel was tugging your shorts down in a matter of seconds as you leaned onto your elbows.

You closed your legs once you were in your undies, you weren’t one for tampons so the pad was somehow even more embarrassing. “Ah ah don’t get shy, nothing to get nervous about. Nothing to get embarrassed of” Miguel hummed as he pressed soft kisses onto your inner thighs.

“Let me take care of you yeah?” He hummed with lust filled eyes glimmering up at you “I promise you’ll love it, it’ll feel good for the both of us”

You nodded “yes” softly, earning a humming approval. You gasped as he pulled down your panties, the cold air making you shiver as he tossed the clothing behind him.

The look on Miguel’s face was something out of a porno to say the least, his eyes were wide with his hair completely disheveled. You could see him swallow as he licked his lips “for fuck sake” he whispered to himself, the visual infront of him was sinful.

You could see his eyes glow bright red, his fangs peering from under his lips before he dove between your legs.

Miguel was in heaven. This was it, the place everyone told him he’d find peace. The unforgettable taste of your blood was engraving itself into his heart without a doubt. He knew he’d never get over the taste of your honey metallic taste. He moaned into you like a hungry animal as he lapped and licked at your messy cunt.

You were pushed deeper into your elbows as his hands shoved the back of your thighs onto the desk. Your head dangling back as you let out a deprived moan. You had no fucking clue it ever felt this good.

You wished you would’ve agreed to this earlier as Miguel’s thick tongue circled your swollen bud, the visual of his mouth tainted burgundy wasn’t helping the throbbing of your clit.

Miguel rolled his tongue over your tight hole, taking in the warm vital fluid that pumped through your veins like a starved animal. Your elbows gave in as you dropped into the desk, back curling into an arch as he held you still.

The lewd wet sounds coming from you fused with the moans and grunts coming from Miguel were pornographic. Miguel’s grip on you was nothing but harsh as he pried your legs apart. “I love you, I fucking love you” he mumbled.

The pulsing member in his sweats was making him whimper into you and unknowingly making the tingling in your lower belly grow in intensity.

You tugged at his hair as he lapped at your clit, his tongue expertly working you like the strings on a guitar. “Mi- Mig! Oh my fff…” you cried out as a hungry groan rumbled out of him.

“That’s it, let it out f’me let it out” he mumbled with his eyes glowing red at you. He spit out more words of encouragement and before you could take a breath in you were shaking in his arms.

Miguel let out a satisfied chuckle as he felt your clit throbbing on his tongue “feels good huh?” Miguel smiled up at you as drops of blood trickled down his fangs and lips.

You clenched around nothing as you took in the bloody scene in front of you. It was laughable how your hands flew to his sweats, he watched as struggled to tug them down his waist. “That wasn’t enough for you?” He smiled, hands on the band of his sweats as he dropped them to the ground.

“You like seeing me with my mouth covered in blood don’t you? You can’t stop staring at my mouth”

He didn’t bother cleaning off the bloody mess from his face as he pulled you onto the edge of the desk, cock in hand as he rubbed himself between your folds.

He gritted his teeth at the visual of you covering his cock in red and white strokes of color “always so good to me, I’m the luckiest man alive you know that?��� He hummed as he pushed into your wet cunt.

You both mewled out in pleasure as he stretched you full, it seemed like no matter how many times he fucked you, it always stung a bit. You purred his name in the most perfect way as he began to move his hips.

Your body seeming to love the intense sensation of Miguel fucking you during your menstrual cycle. It was as if he was breaking you in and feeling you out before he was lucky enough to make you the mother of his children.

He craved for your body to learn the feeling of his cock and the make of his seed so he could assure himself a little spider of his own.

He watched as your eyes rolled back into your skull, the dumb look on your face making him dizzy as you gasped with each thrust. Your nails dug into his arms as he pounded you onto his desk, the wood screeching onto the floor as he marked you as his.

All you could let out were mewls and whimpers as he buried himself deep inside your gushy walls. You didn’t care how messy you were getting once Miguel’s hands wrapped around your abdomen, keeping you in place as he bounced you onto his cock.

The obvious size difference between you both now highlighted by his massive hands holding you still as he used you like his personal toy. “Asi chula? asi te gusta? Que guapa te miras con tus ojitos aguando” he purred.

You nodded at his words even though you couldn’t process a thing. “Te coge tonta? Mira mami en los ojos, mira me por favor” he mocked. You mewled as he squeezed your face to look up at him.

Your eyes dumbly glared up at him as he pounded you harder, your legs trebling as you whimpered with each of his deep thrusts.

Miguel could feel you throbbing which let him know you needed a few more thrusts of his hips and with two deep strokes you were clawing at his arms.

His eyes darted up to your face then down to the mess between the both of you. He watched as your sticky slick grew prominent over the red color of blood, the feeling of you gushing around him pulled out a loud moan from deep within him.

Miguel fell forward, his arms desperately holding himself from falling onto you as he filled your tight cunt full. The sound of both of you panting and moaning making the whole situation even more filthy.

Neither of you could speak for a few seconds as the addictive nature of your orgasms slowly wore off.

“Told you you’d love it”

[somber-sapphic]

Stupid Lungs Part 2

Your nightmare continues. Sort of. Is it a nightmare? Who knows?

Word Count: 1964

-----

You shot up in bed, trying desperately to detangle yourself from the tangle of blankets and limbs you were wound up in. A hand grabbed your shoulder and you screamed. You couldn’t see anything, it was so dark. Why was it so dark? What happened? Were you dead?

“FRI, lights 15%, now!” The room lit up slightly but you continued to struggle, not fully understanding what was happening. You were in Wanda and Natasha’s room and there was a tube running from your arm. Now that you knew it was there you pulled it out, much to the frustration of the two women. 

“Honey, no, that's medicine. You need that. Y/n, can you look at me?” Natasha very gently grabbed your face, forcing you to look at her. You met her eyes, trying to figure out what was happening. Her expression was one of pure compassion, love and concern rivaled only anxiety. 

“That's it, there you go. That’s it. Can you take a deep breath?” You nodded a little and glanced over to Wanda whose hand had taken up almost permanent residence on the small of your back. She gave you a reassuring smile, encouraging you to breathe. 

You sucked in a gulp of air, pleased to find that it no longer burned your lungs. The breath was still a little wheezy and it ended in a small cough, but you felt decidedly better. 

“What’s happening?” You croaked, dropping your head against Natasha’s shoulder, hoping that she wouldn’t shrug you off. She did basically the opposite. She wrapped her arms around your waist and pulled you back so that you were pressed flush against her. That just confused you more, although you relished the contact. 

“Seriously, am I dead? I don’t wanna be dead.” The second sentence came out as more of a whimper and you felt your eyes gloss over with tears. Wanda pursed her lips and leaned in to kiss the tip of your nose. You had to be dead. Why did they care so much? Why were they so…physical contact-y? You knew that the two of them both enjoyed physical touch, but you’d only ever seen them hold hands in public. 

“No baby, you’re not dead. You’re sick, remember?” She tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, pausing to touch your forehead. “Mm, really shouldn't be that warm still. Natty, we’re going to need to get her some ibuprofen and see if we can get that IV back in.” She was frowning slightly, but she was just so pretty. Natasha slipped it carefully back into your arm and you felt the medicine rush back into your veins. It was cold and made you feel groggy, but it wasn’t too bad.

“You’re pretty,” Fuck, had you said that? Oh god. You were going to die. This was the end. Your cheeks flushed a dark pink, but Wanda grinned at you. Natasha squeezed your middle gently, smiling ear to ear. If you could see the look on her face you probably would’ve fainted. 

“Yeah, you are too. Little bit sweaty though, we might need to get you a shower soon.” She just brushed past it as if nothing had happened. God, what sort of alternate universe did Dr. Strange portal you into? 

Your eyes went wide as you realized just how clingy you had been and how clingy you were still being. You could probably still blame it on the fever, but what would happen once you were better? They were going to tear you apart, they were going to hate you for needing them. 

“Shh, your thoughts are so loud.” Wanda could read thoughts. How were you always forgetting that? She shook her head at you, giving a small sad smile. “We don’t hate you, right printsessa?” The woman glanced up at Natasha, who began rubbing your shoulders.

“We could never hate you bubs. You’re a beautiful, strong, wonderful woman who deserves nothing but the best. Right now, you don’t feel well and you need cuddles.” Shame, you shouldn't've felt such miserable shame. That’s all that ran through your mind as you recounted the events of the day before. The crying, begging for their attention, the sniffling and coughing. You were disgusting. 

“I’m so sorry…I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to get in the way of your relationship, I’m gonna go now. I’m so sorry.” You whimpered, struggling to climb over Natasha. 

“My sweet girl, stop with that. If you get up you’ll fall on your face.” The redhead held you back, tucking your head against her chest. The rhythmic beat of her heart filled your ears and you felt yourself relax a little bit. 

“I didn’t mean to bother you guys. You shouldn’t have to put up with me.” Why did you think this would work out? Wanda moved closer to you and kissed your shoulder. They kept kissing you. And hugging you. And giving you pet names. Did they like you? No, they couldn’t, they were dating. 

“Oh baby, that fever’s making you a little dense, huh?” Wanda teased, stroking your cheek. Waid, had you said that last part out loud? Wanda was pretty. Natasha was pretty. Girls were pretty. These girls specifically. 

“Y/n, we want you to join our relationship, but only if that’s something you’d be interested in. I know you aren’t feeling well and you don’t need to decide right now, hell you don’t need to decide at all. If you want, you can stop talking to us forever, but I’d really rather that didn’t happen,” Natasha chuckled, sounding really nervous. 

“Rambling aside,” the brunette gave her girlfriend a look that clearly meant ‘shut up’ and continued her speech. “We really care about you. We want to be able to hold you and care about you and give you cuddles whenever you need them. We want you to be with us Y/n. We want to be with you.” 

You were shocked. They couldn’t mean it, right? Why would they want to be with you? What did you have that they wanted? You were just…well, you. And they were amazing women who literally threw themselves into battles. You did too, but not quite with the same enthusiasm and bravery that they did. Wanda could destroy someone's mind with a single thought. Natasha was a trained assassin who had nearly killed you once when you had first met. That's when you had fallen in love with her. Oh shit, you were in love. You were in love with these women who seemed to love you back. Maybe. Jury was still out on that one. 

“Um…you, wait. But, that doesn’t make sense. Um, are you lying? Wait this…you’re too…you.” You gestured at the two of them, absolutely incredulous. You shivered aggressively and wrapped your arms around your middle, trying to keep warm. Your fever was still pretty high and your body was wracked with chills. 

“Okay,” Wanda sighed and you felt Natasha sag against you. They were disappointed that you didn’t seem to understand, but understood that you’d been hurt before and really didn’t trust that they were being serious. That coupled with the fever was turning you into an absolute mess. “Let’s get some food into you, we’ll talk about this a little later.”

The woman beneath you shifted, placing you on the mattress. She looked disappointed and seemed to have tears in her eyes. Why was she crying? And why did you feel as if you were prepared to do anything to make those tears go away?

“No, no Natasha, don't cry. Please don’t cry.” You grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles, unsure of what you were doing. It felt right, but a little scary. “I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m so sorry. Please, tell me how to fix it.” You begged, trying to pull her back down. You missed her arms and her warmth. 

She wiped her tears away and sat back down. You leaned forward hesitantly and kissed her forehead, then pulled back, biting your lower lip. She smiled and leaned forward to rest her forehead against yours. 

“I…um…I don’t want you to go.” You glanced over at Wanda who was smiling warmly at the two of you. 

“We aren’t going anywhere, dove. You want to lay back down for me? You’re shaking a little bit more than I think you should be.” Natasha cooed, easing you into Wanda’s arms. “I do think we should get you something to drink though, I’ll be right back, okay?” She kissed your forehead again, before stepping out of the room, leaving you with Wanda. 

“You were crying when I found you. Honey, can you tell me why?” The witch asked, tucking the blanket around your shoulders. You looked down, not quite wanting to answer the question. 

“Um…Tony wanted me…he um…he was trying to make me sleep so he…he locked me in my room…I…he was just trying to-” You broke off, trying to keep yourself from breaking down again. You couldn’t seem to keep it together lately. 

“I’m going to kill him.” She said simply, voice grave with hate. You’d heard that determination in her voice and you knew that she meant it. She was going to kill him. 

“I’m sorry-”

“No, no baby, no apologies from you. There’s no reason for you to apologize. It’s all okay.” Wanda soothed, just as Natasha walked into the room carrying a bottle of water, some sort of dark purplish liquid medicine. 

“Why are we apologizing?” The woman asked, instantly reading the tension in the room. 

“Tony did something stupid, we’re going to let it go for now though.” Wanda practically growled, smoothing your slightly tangled hair. Nat’s eyes went wide, but she nodded, noting the red tinge in the witch's eyes. The two of you were lucky that she meant you no harm, otherwise she’d probably tear you apart. 

“Okay, that's alright. How about we get this medicine into you and then go back to sleep, yeah? We can try for a shower when you’re feeling a little bit better.” The woman said, easing the nerves radiating off of you. Then you realized that you’d have to take medicine, which was one of your least favorite things. 

You wrinkled your nose and ducked your head against Wanda, hoping that she’d provide protection from the disgusting taste of the medicine. Didn’t they already have you on antibiotics? Wasn’t that what the IV was for? Why did you need this?

“No thank you.” You mumbled, using your arms to shield yourself from Natasha. 

“I know you don’t want it, but this will help. The antibiotics are doing their job, but you’ve still got a pretty bad fever and I want to get you drugged.” She smiled, lifting the cup to your lips. 

“I hate you.” You mumbled, allowing her to pour the medicine into your mouth. You grimaced at the taste and the feeling of it going down your throat. 

“Good girl.” You glared at her and turned back to Wanda, pouting tiredly. You yawned and nestled against her neck, absorbing her warmth. 

“C’n I go back to sleep?” The witch made a sound and you smiled, knowing that the answer would be a yes. 

“Course you can love. We’ll try some food later, okay?” She kissed your forehead and Natasha slipped back into bed beside you. The redhead wrapped an arm around waist and curled herself around you, forming a protective cocoon. 

“Not gonna leave?” You grabbed Natasha’s hand, making sure that she wouldn’t go away. 

“Nope, not leaving. Take a nap, pretty girl. We’ll be here when you wake up.” With that, you allowed your eyes to slip closed, comforted by the fact that you finally had people who loved you.

[llycaons]

rightt i love the cql ending i think it was needed for them to go their separate ways. soo many cql haters bring up the ending as their main point for why it sucks. its as if they forget they reunite at the very end. also ive seen soo many weird fics where they hate on lz for “leaving wy and abandoning him” when thats such bs 😭 there was a fic summary where it was like ‘novel lz sees cql wy traveling alone and they get together’ like huh?? wy doesnt know that man and he loves HIS lz get over it

literally get OVER it lmao wwx didn't literally say 'WHEN I come back I want to hear the name of the song' (meaning he knows its significance and plans to RETURN and confess/hear lwj's confession) and lwj didn't say "I have long since known it' (meaning he's been in love w wwx for many years and knows it/plans to tell him) for wwx to LEAVE his star-crossed beloved of over two decades in order to shack up with some yellow-eyed weirdo who already has his own wwx who's into the same shit as he is? like. we HEAR lwj say wwx's name at the end, SEE wwx turn and smile. not to be rude but did these people watch the finale to the very end? are they stupid? what do they think is about to happen? lwj is going to say "oh it's you. I don't want to see you again, wei ying. being cc is more important to me than you are. I reject you and I will never have sex with you. that's why I came out to this cliff where you're playing the song I wrote for you. bye' and then leave??? lmao. please. PLEASE

plus it was a mutual decision based off of temporarily incompatible needs - lwj didn't abandon him! and if these fans are mad he 'let him go' then all they're saying is they're mad he didn't, what, imprison wwx somewhere he didn't want to be? clearly wwx wanted to travel and couldn't stay at CR, and clearly lwj needed to return to his home and help them all readjust to a shattered lxc and no cc. no it was good they each had time to breathe and they each as individuals needed to deal with things before they could be together

to be completely honest I think I would have liked the finale less if they HADN'T separated. postres, they slowly did become closer and started breaking down the barriers between them, but it was a process with a lot of stops and starts that seemed to stagnate at times. separation was a huge change that felt like it pushed their relationship into something new and resulted in an event so significant it was like they couldn't even show it. it was a really powerful choice!

to be fair if people don't like cql or think it's not gay enough or the censorship worked too well that's their business and I'm not going to lecture anyone into liking something they don't like, that's fine. there are little things about the performances and writing choices that annoy me too. but if the separation was written bc of censorship then they still got back together in the end and if the separation was an independent decision, then it was made to serve the story, which as a whole was a genuine and sincere attempt to convey a gay relationship even while being censored. and I do think it served the story and the characters very well. I know people also dislike cc lwj, which I can't fault them for since it's so far from the 'run away from the cultivation world' finale in the ending, but as someone who never read the book my first time watching, it made perfect sense to me. like....canonically wwx planned on returning and canonically lwj was there to greet him. if that hadn't happened, yeah it would have sucked. I would have been miserable. but it didn't! they got their ending together!

[blkkizzat]

Indian reader is back here again AHSJDH I SWEAR THIS IS THE LAST ONE 🙏🙏🙏 honestly reading your post made me hungry send help

I am SO glad you enjoyed your trip here, I love it when people learn about each other's cultures it literally makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!!! I love how detailed your posts about the trip were and I really appreciate you sharing it with us <33

You knowing your tourist guide's whole story with the pharmacist to history lover is so real 😭 some people be having the wildest career paths especially the ones who've been at it for a long time and you somehow get to know their whole story in the span of 20 minutes

Personally I think summer in the US feels worse bc ceiling fans and all around ventilation isn't very common there from what I've seen and heard, while winters in India are worse for the most part since electrical heating and room temperature control isn't common here outside of the cities (inbuilt room temp control isn't a concept here at all currently, I've only ever seen it in hotels)

This was probably the best time for you to visit india cause peak summer temperatures haven't even started yet and you were already dying from the heat (me too dw)

And trust when I say you're not the only one struggling to cross the streets not all of us are built for this do or die type of shit 💔💔💔 (though I'll have to build up that confidence since you know. I live here. Don't exactly have a choice 🤡)

PS I'm going to be craving a restaurant thaali for the rest of the day bc of the pics

Omfg no please write me anytime!! <33

Awe thank you! I def love sharing my experiences! I love traveling and will def have to come back. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it cause i tend to ramble on about stuff! Yes! Another tour guide we had in Jaipur used to be a laywer. He was so knowledgeable too, he was with us all day and took us a few different places. It was fun learning about them. One thing I definitely took back from that and was inspired by was seeing people leaving "socially prominent" or high status jobs for something they loved. Seeing as I went as apart of my MBA program it was an unexpected but great reality check that sure we are all in this program to progress our careers but we really need to keep self-fulfillment and happiness in mind. Whats money or status if you are miserable? Like they had us eating out of the palm of their hand with how much passion they had for what they did and it really inspired me to find that in my own life!

Omfg yeah, it really depends on where you are. The sun feels a bit more intense in India because we were closer to the equator than in the US but the heat in India I experienced at 100 degrees F was a walk in the park compared to the time I stupidly went to las vegas in August and it was nearly 120 degrees F. Also where I live summers have been getting hotter and hotter so people arent equipped for heat waves. I've always had AC cause I have really furry dogs who need to stay cool though so thankfully ive been prepared. Also winters can be an issue here too, Texas been getting ice storms and blizzards in the past few years and as a hot area are completely unequipped. Even in places that are used to cold like NYC, when I lived there I moved into a new building paid a stupid high rent to live in a box that had central AC but was poorly insulated so I had to buy like the shiny foil insulating sheets to put over my window in the winter or I felt like the wind was passing right through.

Haha thankfully I was always in busy areas cause me and my friends when we werent with our guide would always just wait until we saw someone else who was clearly Indian cross the street and cross with them lmfao. We probably looked so stupid standing and waiting there lmfao but we never waited more than 5 mins thankfully LOL. Its funny cause looking back I've had friends here in the US scared to "jaywalk" with like one car coming thats practically crawling down the block and in India you have people boldly stopping speeding cars to cross LOL. I just imagine how funny we must look scared to cross with one car wayyyyyyy down the block coming, even I'm laughing at us.

I hope you get some resturant thaali soon! I'm definitely going to be craving it soon too. I know the next time I eat Indian food it ain't going to hit the same AT ALL lmfao.

[royalwriteroftheuniverse]

Ransom and my love affair

Angst love lost and Ransom acting like a little shit.

"So you and Ransom."

"Its a long story."

"Did he really propose?"

"Yes after three months of dating so I said no."

"Because it was three months?"

"Yea I got scared. I mean it's I dont know. I don't  think I'll  ever be able to forget that look on his face. His kindess and love I'm  afraid I hurt him too much that day."

"Every summer after I left he just went back to his playboy ways ive been told.

First summer it seemed like only when we were alone or with Harlan or Fran or Marta he was sweet. God forbid anyone around town or the country club saw us hanging out hed claim he didn't know me. He took me out to dinner once. Drove way too far  for "good food" i knew it was so no one would see us. It wasn't a date just dinner but. Country club was the last straw Harlan took us me Marta and ransom to lunch Fran was I don't rembember where but um. Harlan was fine and even Marta but me. Me, he said I was an employee called me a stupid bitch his grandfather hired." He didnt know I heard. Everyone else. did. I found a corner and cried a bit feeling stupid. About even letting it get to me.  I had gone back to the table to get my stuff. Ransom looked up at me like i don't  know a diffrent man. It didn't even make sense I mean we were all out in the open.

I was doubled over hunched feeling small you know and he, he has the audacity to ask me if anyone hurt me. Did anyone lay a finger one? Did anyone hurt me who was it. I looked him right in the eyes and I said "You." He didn't know I heard until that moment and his mouth opened and his eyes dropped and he let out this breath that said he didn't relaize until that moment what his words could do. That it wasn't that I heard him say it it was that he said it. Harlan took me aside and sooke to be. Convinced me to stay and eat that I needed to eat and said I didn't have to work with Ran the rest of the summer. I could research on my own and share notes independently or pass them to Ransom and vice versa. Diffrent rooms, I could even work from my place if I preferred. I agreed. He took Ransom aside and I guess told him the new working agreement. The next day Ransom came in with flowers and left them for me. There was some note. Marta read it I didnt. Next day it was two sets of flowers. It went on for two weeks. Then he started adding on teddy bears and other crap. I mean The jewlery I took and a really cute stuffed bunny I mean why not right. The rest of the stuff sat there. Harlan asked me if I felt uncomfortable with any of that and i said i found it rather amusing and I wondered how long he'd do it for.  And it was a whole month until until he actually came up to me when I was talking to Harlan and said "I'm-I'm asshole I'm sorry. I never actually appoliged to you. I don't know why I said what I said. And I regret it i can't begin to tell you how sorry I am But I know I lost you that day. I know you hate me but and I wont ask you anything of you just promise me just please don't go out with any of my asshole friends. They've been asking about you. Guess it doesn't matter what a girl does as long as she's  gorgeous. They're worse than I am. Have a good day." He looked so miserable too. Dark circles under his eyes, a shake in his hand a hitch in his breath and he looked unhappy. And he deserved it but I didn't want him in pain. He's been throughso much with his family and even with what he did to be I still felt bad for him. And I didn't realize at the time he called me gorgeous.

There's a part 2 to explain the mrriage proposal.

[shydragonrider]

Torn - Part two

Warnings: Detailed death threat, swearing, name calling, vomit, extremely violent whump, vivisection, smug whumpee breaking, infection, graphic infection, fever, delirium, panic, scared whumpee, sick whumpee, begging, crying, restraints, panic attack, wound cleaning, needles, tylenol, scared of revenge.

Part one Here

Taglist: @equestrianwritingsstuff, @whumpwillow

Updated: Their names

Pandora bit her lip, and carefully tied Strife’s wrists to the bedframe. He whimpered, squirming feebly.

“Ssssshhhh, sssshhh. I just need to clean this up, okay? I’m trying to help.”

Strife just shuddered, weakly pleading for any kind of mercy.

“Ssssshhhh, sweetheart, it’s okay.” Pandora murmured, hoping that her choice of words would help comfort her former nemesis.

She carefully cut the poor excuse of stitches, and began to clean the pus out of the wound. Strife cried, tears leaking down his face as he struggled weakly.

“Easy. I know, I know.” Pandora soothed, gently stroking his sweaty hair back.

“Nnghh. Plea-ple-please…” He sobbed. “D-don’t c-cut me open a-again.”

Pandora’s heart snapped in two at the words. 

“No, no, sweetheart. I wouldn’t do that. I promise.” I mean, I cut the stitches, but only to fix them.

But Strife didn’t seem to hear her. 

It took her over an hour to clean the wound, and another two to properly stitch it. When that was done, Pandora untied his wrists, and selected her strongest antibiotic. Preparing an IV bag was the easiest thing she’d done so far.

Pandora attached the needle to the crook of the Strife’s elbow, and carefully took his jaw in her hand, opening his mouth, and sticking a thermometer under his tongue.

When it finally beeped, and she saw the reading, her heart lurched.

104.5°

“Fuck.” Pandora breathed, rushing into the bathroom.

She returned with a damp washcloth, and a glass of water, and two Tylenol tablets, which she crushed up and mixed with the water. She needed to get the fever down as soon as possible. 

*******

Damian whimpered as something pressed against his bottom lip.

Please. He tried to beg. Please don’t.

But now his voice was failing him too, and all he could manage was a distressed whine.

“I know, sweetheart.” A distant-sounding voice told him softly. “But I need you to drink this.”

With a defeated whimper, Damian sipped weakly at the contents of the glass, shivering all over.

Something cool and damp touched his forehead, and he cringed away.

“Please.” He managed to choke out. 

“Hush now, it’s alright.” The distant voice said softly.

No. Please. No more.

But when he tried to voice this, only a raspy groan escaped his cracked lips. Yet despite his terror, he was unable to struggle anymore. With a frightened sob, he sank back into darkness.

************

Pandora watched as Strife went limp. If not for his ragged breathing, she would have thought he was dead.

She sat beside him, unsure of what more to do. She’d never imagined him so vulnerable… so broken.

He moaned softly, and Pandora grimaced at the sound. It was so full of pain and fear.

Carefully, she took his hand, hoping it could provide some kind of comfort. He shuddered, lips parting as he huffed out uneven breaths.

“I’m so sorry.” She whispered, rubbing her thumb in circles over the back of his hand. “I never thought that this would happen.” 

She felt sick, this was partly her fault. She’d defeated him. Turned him over to the authorities…

And this was the result.

She felt a tear slip down her cheek.

“I’m so sorry.” She whispered again.

********

Pandora felt sure that this was the longest, and hardest night of her life. Trying to care for someone as horribly injured and sick as Strife was, all alone, was a nearly impossible task in itself. But Pandora was also battling her own guilt… and beneath that, fear.

‘I’ll break you, body and spirit. And then I’ll fucking strangle you.’ His words echoed in her mind, chilling her to the core.

And if he survives, I’m sure he’ll make me suffer the way he has before he chokes the life out of me.

But she couldn’t let him die because of his wounds.

The one you’ll likely endure before he kills you, you mean. The realistic part of her brain whispered. I hope you still think saving his life was worth it when you die looking into his eyes.

Pandora shivered. He’d nearly killed her before, he’d left multiple scars on her body with his blades, he’d vowed to throttle her… And his reason to do so had only gotten more powerful. 

I don’t want to die. She thought to herself. I’m 21 years old. 

Despite her fear, Hero did not leave Strife’s side, because she could never live with the guilt if she let him die. 

It was three long, miserable days before he woke up enough to recognize her, and when that happened, he did the last thing Pandora was expecting.

*******

Damian blearily cracked his eyes open, his abdomen still searing with pain. His surroundings were different. This wasn’t the isolation ward.

This was… a bedroom?

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw movement, and turned to see a young woman.

Even without her mask, he knew, by the unmistakable violet eyes, that this was Glory.

Damian panicked, thrashing around as hard as his weakened body could manage.

“Don’t hurt me!” He wailed. “Please- you can’t- I don’t-”

“Strife.” Glory said, looking more surprised than angry. She took a step closer, and he shrieked in terror.

“No! I-I’ll never hurt anyone again! I promise! Please, I promise!”

A sudden shock of pain flared through his stomach, so bright and hot that he almost vomited. Terrified, he looked down at himself, and saw the blossoming bloodstain across the white bandages on his stomach.

All at once, his panic induced strength left him, and he collapsed back to the bed with a pathetic whine.

“Shit.” Glory breathed, kneeling beside him.

Damian whimpered, trying to curl away from her.

She carefully began to unwind the bandages.

“No… no please.” Damian stammered, and broke into tears.

Glory drew back for a moment, looking shocked.

“No.” She said softly. “No, ssshhhh, you’re okay.”

“Please.” He whined, blubbering as he saw the gaping cut where some of the stitches had torn.

“Ssssshhhh.” Glory said gently, easing his head back to the pillow. “Don’t look at that.”

Damian sobbed as he felt her fingers gently brush at the edges of the wound.

“Easy. I’m going to get a towel to stop the bleeding.” Glory told him, and stood up.

The minute she was out of sight, Damian tried to get up. He had to escape, he couldn’t take the agony anymore.

The minute he stumbled to his feet, the room spun, and he collapsed to the floor with a cry of pain.

Glory was at his side in an instant.

“Don’t. Please. No more.” Damian whimpered. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I’ll never do it again. I promise. Please. Please! I promise. I’m sorry.”

*************

Pandora gently reached out to the hysterical supervillain, grimacing at the hitching sobs that rattled his chest.

“It’s okay.” She said softly, laying her hand on his shoulder. He tensed with a blubbering sound. Her heart ached.

“Oh sweetheart, no. I’m not here to hurt you. I just need to fix the wound. You’re bleeding quite badly.”

And you’re still burning up. Her mind added, as she noticed the head radiating off his skin.

Strife shook his head, trying to regain his feet, only to collapse directly into Hero’s arms.

She gently hauled him back into the bed, and was about to try and tape his wound, only for him to cower away from her, squeaking pathetically. Pandora sighed, Strife was obviously in no state to see reason, and he desperately needed help.

So, she sat on his legs, effectively pinning him down, and began to treat the re-opened portion of the wound, doing her best to block out his sobbing pleas for mercy.

************

Damian had drained every ounce of strength he had with his struggling. As Glory began to tape his injury, all he could do was beg for mercy.

“Hush, sweetheart.” She said softly. “I’m trying to fix this.”

Why is she calling me sweetheart? 

Darkness was threatening to swallow him, and all he could do was stammer out a final plea not to be hurt anymore, before he drifted into unconsciousness.

[hoodieofholland]

Okay, what Im requesting really angst so I get if you don’t want write,

boyfriend!Tom starting to feel things to his co-star while y/n is waiting for him to come back to her and when he coms back he tells her the turth. She runs pf with tears and have a serious car crash and Tom regrets what he did and blames himself for her injures.

(Oh god I love jerk Tom so much)

(love your writings <3)

a/n: took a little while to write this, but it's done, finally! Hahah. Feels like ive been writing a lot of angst lately lol, what you guys think? Thanks anon for requesting, hope you like it!

Warnings: angst, mentions of cheating, heartbreak, mentions of blood, car accident, language.

Broken. That’s how you felt, staring into those brown chocolate eyes, full of regret, guilt and fear. Your heart clenches inside of your chest, desperately trying to find some sort of comfort while your heartbeat only seems to increase each second you pass looking at him.

“What?”, your voice is cracked. Your eyes are glistening with the threatening tears.

You still can hear the reverberation of his words inside of your head: I think I’m having feelings for someone else. Someone else. His co-star. Tom had just admitted to you he was having feelings for his co-star.

You and Tom have been in a relationship long enough to know this would inevitably break your heart into pieces. Those words didn’t even make sense to you. Though both of you were feeling a little off lately, like your relationship wasn’t the same anymore, you were sure this was just a phase, you were willing to bring you two back on track. But right now you could see you were the only one with hope and this made you feel ashamed of just standing in front of Tom, feeling extremely exposed and weak.

He sniffles, averting his gaze to the ground. “I- I’m so sorry, y/n. I didn’t mean to blurt it like that, it’s just-“

You blink your tears away, your whole body shaking slightly, not under your control anymore. Your hands close into fists as you try to control your emotions and the unbearable pressure on your chest. “What is it, Tom? What is happening? I- I can’t understand, I thought-“, you didn’t even know what to say. You bite your lips to prevent you from crying. “Since... since when, Tom?”

He breathed out, cheeks buffing as he runs his hands through his curls. “I don’t know. Honestly”, his voice was full of sadness, “I just- I realized it today”.

You feel your knees getting weaker. “Did you-“, you gulp, too afraid to ask, “Did you cheat on me, Tom? Did you do something with her? Did she touch you? Did you touch her?”

Though you knew pretty well none of that was important anymore, that betraying your feeling while still together was equally as bad as kissing or sleeping with someone else, you couldn’t ignore the feeling that physical contact would make the whole thing worse. You couldn’t stand the thought of being there, waiting for Tom to come home and maybe have a nice dinner so you could enjoy time together and make things work out again, while he was out there fucking another girl.

But he shook his head no, and you released a sigh in relief. He had a frown between his brows, genuinely hurt by the path of that conversation. “I’d never, y/n”, he rubbed his eyes. “I know this doesn’t make me a better of a man, but I- I swear to God I just realized it now. It was today, when we were filming and... and I couldn’t go another minute without telling you this. This is so fucked up and I am so fucking sorry, but I thought that it would be better for both of us if I just told you this and-“

A sob coming from your parted lips breaks his attempt to explain, watching you fall apart for something he has done. Tom didn't stop loving you. It felt different, but he still cared about your feelings and how you'd deal with the fact that your relationship wasn't working anymore. He felt guilty and even disgusted at himself for breaking your heart. But that didn't stop him neither.

"Can we talk about this, darling?", he mumbles, trying to reach your hand, but you step back, body trembling as you fight back the need of giving in to his embrace.

"Don't. Don't call that", you cry out, letting the tears fall freely on your cheeks now. "Fuck, Tom, what did I do? I didn't deserve this. I- I was by your side, I never left. I knew this day would come, but I was trying my best..."

"It's not like that, y/n", he mutters, feeling defeated. He didn't intend to take it this way. He never wanted to make you cry. He promised he would never make you cry. "I've tried. And I love you, I love you so fucking much, but I... I don't know what happened".

You wipes the tears away furiously, too frustrated to care about the look on your face right now. You just didn't want to look fragile, or broken, or weak - all of the things you actually were feeling like.

You look at him clearer, the man you so desperately love, the man you most felt affection to. Tom was everything you always dreamt of. If there was a man you could say you trusted in, it was Tom. And he betrayed your feelings.

It wasn't his fault and you had to admit that. He fell for another woman. He just didn't feel the same about you anymore, and though you were suffering, you couldn't blame it on him. It was just human nature. Life itself, playing tricks on you, when you so certainly believed to have found the love of your life.

"I know", you say through hoarse voice. "I can't blame it on you. It's not your fault. I just- I thought we could work this out, y'know? Thought you wanted this with me". You give him a sad smile and couldn't help but let more tears roll down your face. You felt pathetic and you were sure you looked just like that.

Tom swallows the thick knot on his throat, chest aching at the sign of you. He wanted to say something, but couldn't think about anything good enough.

Ashamed of your position, you nod a couple of times for nothing in special and make your way to the front door.

"Wait! Y/n, what are you- where are you going?", Tom shouted, eyes wide as he tried to take your arm. You pulled it from his reach and raised your hand to prevent him from coming any closer.

"I'm leaving. What else do you expect me to do, Tom?" With bloodshot eyes, you stare at him, lips pressed tightly in a thin line, holding everything in you to not make even more a fool of yourself.

"I don't know", he almost whispers.

You can't seem to contain the growing anger inside of you for his words, sobbing a little more as you try to come up with the right thing to say. Why does he have to do this to you?

"Guess what? I don't know neither. All of a sudden, my long-term boyfriend told me he is falling for another girl. Do you know how much it costs me to look at you right now, Tom? I can't even- I fucking hate you right now and I know it's not even your fucking fault, but I can't help it!" You scream, hand covering your mouth as you try to regain some composure. "Just leave me fucking alone, Tom!"

Without another word, you run to the front door, yanking it open and slamming it shut, letting your whines finally scape through your gritted teeth.

---

Tom checked his phone one more time before slipping into the covers and lay down on his empty bed, facing the ceiling for a long enough time to get sick of it.

His mind was running wild, thinking about the things he said to you, and the thing you said to him. It was hard to face the fact that he made you cry and feel miserable. Tom never intended that. He knew both of you were slipping apart, gradually giving your relationship an end, but that was a whole different level.

He closed his eyes, thinking about the moment you stormed out the door, thinking about the feeling he had previously in the morning, while working with his co-star. It wasn't the strongest thing he felt in his life, it wasn't even near to the things he felt when meeting you, but he knew he should be honest with you from the moment he realized there was something going on.

But even know, he felt like he messed it up real bad.

Tom has been calling you since you stepped out of the house, but you never answered, or called back. He left a message in your voicemail, asking you to come back home so you could talk. Aware of the fact that this had no coming back, Tom just needed to look at you one more time and apologise for being a dick. He couldn't afford to have you out of his life.

And then his phone rang.

He was quick to pick it up and press to his ear, waiting to hear your voice, but what he heard was something much more unexpected.

"Hello, can I please speak with Thomas Stanley?", an unrecognizable voice came to the phone and Tom sat on his bed.

"Uh, yes, it's me. What's the matter?"

"I'm calling because you're at Miss y/n y/l/n's emergency contact. She was brought to the hospital after an accident, a car crash. Miss y/n is passing through an emergency surgery right now and I need to inform someone in the family..."

The woman kept talking, voice too steady for something so breath-taking. Tom was surely out of breath. For a few seconds, he felt like he had gone blind, not able to see anything besides a black spot in the darkness of his room.

He couldn't believe he was hearing that. It couldn't be real. He tried to come up with any excuse, with some explanation, but everything that ever crossed his mind at the moment was the sign of you laying flat on some ciment busy street, blood coming out of the corner of your mouth and eyes wide open with no brightness on them.

"Sir?", the woman spook again and Tom was snapped out of his thoughts.

"Can you give me the address?", he jumped out of bed and started to look for his keys frantically. The woman gave him instructions and he quickly made his way to the living room.

"Fuck... where 'my fucking keys!" He yelled desperately, throwing the pillows on the sofa go the ground to look better. "Fuck!"

Tom sat on the couch, heavy breathing making his whole body shake. His hands holds his head and his eyes go wide. He felt a heat rise in every part of his body, but mainly on his chest.

It was his fault, he knew it. You were supposed to be at home, you were supposed to stay with him. You were going to have dinner together, and you wouldn't be driving before having a car crash.

Why did he mess up? Why did he say those things to you? He shouldn't have let you go outside in that state. He shouldn't

Tom heard the front door crack open, and he raised his head with silly hopes of you stepping inside and all of this being a fucking cruel joke, but instead, it was Harrison passing by.

"Tom, I was just going to- Dude, what happened?" Harrison puts a worried face when he saw the bloodshot eyes, trembling lips and shaking hands, all parts of Tom's nervousness.

He almost couldn't put his voice to work, and if it wasn't for the fact that he needed to reach out the hospital in no time, to make sure you were fine, maybe he wouldn't be able to say a single word.

"You gotta drive me. I can't- I can't find my keys. And she needs me. I need her. I need to find her, Haz. She- fuck, she needs me and I can't find my fucking keys", he said in desperation, letting himself become a sobbing mess in front of his friend.

---

There was no small talk between the two of them whilst the drive to the hospital. It seemed like you have done a long way from home; the distance was killing the eye browned boy.

All that was on his mind now was the thought of you - moments you've spent together, days of happiness and things that he loved about you. He remembered the first time you met, the day he asked you out and the first time he heard you say you loved him. He questioned himself when was the last time you said that, when he heard his name coming out of your lips with an "I love you" next. He couldn't remember and he felt disgusting for that too.

Because Tom realized in the way to the hospital that he couldn't live without you. If you were gone, there would be nothing. He never thought about this day, never thought that one day he'd be losing you, but the bare possibility of this happening made him realize he wouldn't stand it. He needed you, in more ways than just one.

"She'll be fine, Tom", Harrison told him for the third time, when they were sitting in a corridor, waiting for a doctor to call for Tom when you were brought to the room.

"'S all my fault. Shouldn't have fought her. Shouldn't have let her think I didn't love her", Tom muttered more to himself, voice hoarse.

Tom was bouncing his leg rapidly, eyes closed tightly an heart aching for every second he spent without any medic information.

"Mr. Holland?" A voice came next to him, a doctor, a comphreensive smile on his face, which eased Tom a little bit. "Miss y/n is in her room now, you can check on her".

Tom got up immediately, rubbing his sweaty hands on his jeans while walking down the aisle with the doctor to your room. When he reached the place with white walls, white sheets and an audible beep from the machine that was monitoring your heartbeat.

"She's asleep right now, might wake up in about an hour or so. Then a nurse should come check on her", the doctor says, reading through some papers on his clipboard. He sighs lightly and look at Tom, whose eyes are glue on you. "I might say she was lucky, Mr. Holland. It was a serious accident, and others victims didn't have as much luck as Miss y/n", he friendly pats Tom's shoulder. "Don't know what you believe in, but I think you should be thankful. She's a strong girl, she'll be fine", he smiled and after a few seconds, left Tom and you alone in the room, closing the door behind him.

Tom was hesitant, taking small steps towards your bed as he looked cautiously every part of you body. You had some big injuries on your face. There was a bandage on your nose, which was broken when you entered the emergency. Your lips had cuts and there was a purple spot on your forehead and around one of your eyes.

Tom felt sick to his stomach thinking about how much pain you had gone through the last hours. He stood beside your bed, taking your fragile looking hands on his. It was bruised too, and Tom pressed a very light kiss to your palm, letting a silent tear roll down his face till reach his chin.

"I'm so sorry, my love", he whispered with a croaky voice. "You'll be fine, it's gonna be alright", he reassured, more to himself than to you, who was drifted on sleep now, too far from the chaos that was going on outside.

Tom sniffles, rubbing a hand on his wet nose, and blinks a couple of times to get rid of his tears. "I didn't mean for this to happen. I know it's my fault. And I was wrong".

He breathed out, looking at the ceiling as he remembered your conversation that evening. "There's no one I love more than you, y/n. It was dumb of me thinking that there's anyone I might be in love with besides you. It's only you, love, you're the person I can't live without".

Tom felt like a kid, crying over your hand, squeezing it ever so lightly and praying that you might hear his apologies and his pleas.

"And it was unfair of me not putting as much effort as you in this relationship. This is my fault too. But I love you, and I don't care about anything else, your love is the only thing I'm going to focus on when you wake up".

Tom realized that nothing was more important than your relationship to him now. Not even work, which has taken so much of his time that he was slowly slipping apart from you. Not even whatever feeling he fooled himself to believe in. It wasn't true. It was his fear of not being in love with you anymore, of being too far to bring you two together again. But by that moment, Tom knew he couldn't be afraid of nothing else than losing you. And now he just prayed that you could forgive him and the things he said, while he left himself fall in tears and regret.

********

Taglist:

@dreamy-clousds @pinkrockstar19 @onyourgoddamnleft

@spideyspeaches @miraclesoflove @heavenlyholland

@zspideyy @marlenetough @nsxvision

@xoxohollands @siriuslyslyslytherin @mathletemadison

[eitelle]

— seeing his ex at a cafe again

↳ with atsumu miya

genre: implied exes to lovers, angst to fluff, songfic (good 4 u by olivia rodrigo)

pairings: timeskip!atsumu miya x gn!reader

ask (too long to put here)

warnings: bits of angst, timeskip warnings

wc: 540

a/n: PLAYING SOUR WHILE IM WRITING TJIS!! so excited for my first ever songfic eek!! bro im sorry but this was so hard to do angst to fluff w this song help me-

atsumu sat in his childhood room reminiscing on that summer. the summer when you were still together. his management and himself agreed; the less people to worry about because of how popular he was, the better. at least thats how he used to feel. it had been months since he called your 4 year relationship quits. if that was so true, how come he had never felt more miserable?

You bought a new car and your career's really takin' off / It's like we never even happened / Baby, what the fuck is up with that

buying shit to replace what reminded him of you helped, and his team was in the best shape it had ever been. after losing you, atsumu threw himself into volleyball and helping MSBY excel. his hard work paid off; it was obvious to anyone but no one noticed how much pain he was in without you. so many things reminded him of you, some bad but oh so many good. so he deleted them all. might as well feel nothing than feel pain right?

And good for you, it's like you never even met me

sometimes atsumu wishes he never met you. that was always a lie though, his life was full of so much life and joy with you in it. so he took off to the place where you first met: the cafe in where it all started... and ended.

Remember when you swore to God / I was the only person who ever got you?

you were the only person who thought before he could, the brains behind the operation if you will. you understood him more than he understood himself, which is why when it all ended, it was a shock to both of you. MSBY knows your name, and your friends know his; in good and bad ways respectively. on his way to the cafe he prepared for the scenario in which he sees you. he wasnt ready. but he would never be ready, so better now than never.

Well, screw that and screw you / You will never have to hurt the way you know that I do

you both knew hurt, being in love for so long would do that to someone. breaking up really always was a two sided thing. finally arriving at the cafe, in hopping out and going back in, the first thing he sees is your face.

Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy / Not me, if you ever cared to ask

hearing those words come from your mouth stung. he knows he hurt you, but he was in pain too. he just hoped you would accept his apology. of course maybe he just realized that that miserable dark abyss in his stomach was missing you.

Good for you, you're doin' great out there without me / Baby, God, I wish that I could do that

“y/n... you look like youre doing great,” he says, his first words to you since the breakup. ‘god i wish that i could do that,’ he finishes in his mind. “do i really?,” you ask all the love and longing youve been suppressing all this time.

I've lost my mind / I've spent the night cryin' on the floor in my bathroom

those words impacted both of you. that admission showed the opening up from you to start the healing process. “im sorry baby, yer the most important thing to me. really. management is fucked but i dont really need them. i just need you. please y/n, just consider me. i care. i care more than you think. please can we just try again?” he begs, hoping for a chance with the love of his life. “itll take time. and ive missed you too for the record. but ill give us a try, you just have to give me time,” you reason. “hey baby, ill give you all the time in the goddamn world just to have you back again.”

PLS REBLOG THIS TOOK ME SO LONG IT WAS RLY HARD TO DO!!

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[just-fan-fics]

DON'T WANNA LOSE YOU

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

summary: after being held by HYDRA and rescued by the Avengers, you are now on the Avengers compound. You've spend months leaving with them until something changed.

warning: suicide (kinda graphic), angst, fluff

a/n: sorry for any grammar/spelling mistake English is not my first language. I hope you enjoy :)

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!

italics: throwback

---

"Please let me out" you say with no strength on your voice. You slide down the door letting the tears flood your cheeks.

After a few minutes you stand up and walk to the table on your cell. You take some paper and a pen and start to write.

---

"I'm sorry but this is for you and us. You'll have to stay in there until you control your powers and we begin to understand them" Tony says behind the door.

You cry, your legs giving in making you fall on your knees.

"Please, there's no need for this" you say.

"Sorry" he says before walking away.

---

After living on a cell with HYDRA, you've finally been free. You've thought that you finally found people that care for you, that'll help you.

At first you didn't talk not knowing if you could trust them, but little but little you started to open up, more with some of them, but in the end you trusted all of them.

When your powers started to show up you were scared, you didn't know what was happening to you. Things were flying all around and some of them were in flames. You wanted it to stop but you couldn't, the more you tried the worst it would get.

The only solution that they thought would be the best was to lock you in a cell, again.

You've tried to tell them that, that they didn't need to do this, that you could control your powers if they give you just a little time, but Tony has convinced them (you don't know if all of them) that locking you up was the best solution for now.

---

"How are you doing?" Bucky says through the door.

"How you think I'm doing?" you say a hint of anger on your voice.

He doesn't say anything but you can still hear his breathing.

"You agreed with this?" you say out of the blue. "What?" he says. "Were you okay with me being locked up in here?" you say not knowing if you wanted to know the answer.

"Of course not. I'd never be okay with this" he says, his voice clear, wanting for you to believe him.

"But you didn't do anything to stop it" you reply. "Sorry" he says in a sad tone.

---

You've been locked for three months. Everyday you've been trying to control your powers failing miserably. When you try to do it the memory of you being held by HYDRA and then being locked here floods your mind and makes you angry and sad.

Everyday you've been asking to please let you out, to help you, but you've been getting negative answers.

You are getting tired. You are tired. No one has come to see you or talk to you since they locked you up except for Bucky. You start to wonder if they truly cared for you or you just were an experiment for them, something that they could use on the future.

You finish the letter you've been writing. You take the sheets and tide them up together making a noose. You through it so it hangs from the ceiling, you stand on a chair and think if this is what you truly want. The flashes of everything bad that happened to you flooding your mind, not good memories interrupt the bad ones. You take one last breath before kicking the chair off of your feet.

---

The alarm on Y/n's room starts ringing, red lights covering the room. Bucky is the first to run, Tony, Steve and Natasha behind. When they open the door they don't expect seeing her hanging from the ceiling. Bucky runs and holds her legs lifting her so that the noose is now loosen on her neck. Natasha cuts the sheets and Y/n's body fell onto Bucky who puts her down on the floor.

"Her pulse is weak" says Natasha feeling the pulse on her neck. "Let's take her to the nursery"

Bucky takes her bridal style and runs to the nursery. Million of thoughts running through his mind wondering why she's done this, and in everyone he could have done something to prevent this.

Bucky lays Y/n's body on the gurney, Bruce already putting an IV on her arm and more cables to control her state.

"I've found this" says Tony with a note on his hands, a suicide note. "I've already read it, and I think you should read it" he says handing it to Bucky.

He looks at Tony half angry, for reading her letter the first one when he was the one to put her in that cell in the first place. He takes it and go to his room wanting to be alone.

"Dear everyone,

I don't know where to start, well I do. I wanted to start by saying thank you for rescuing me and bringing me here giving me a second chance. I know I've never said it out loud, but when I got to the Avengers compound I felt like everything would be alright, that I'll be alright.

Even though I didn't speak at first or that I would talk more with some of you than others, I trusted all of you. I trusted all of you with my life, I knew that I would do anything to see everyone of you safe and sound.

I don't blame any of you for this, I think I finally understand why you locked me in this cell. You didn't understand my powers, I didn't either and I couldn't even control them. I wish that you would've helped me understand and control them though.

Buck, because I don't get to see you face or reaction, and I can be brave on the paper, I want to say something to you. I want to say thank you for being patient, for those nights that we would spend talking in the dark of the living room about the nightmare that woke us up that night, or the night we would laugh about the stupidest thing, just thank you for being there for me everyday. What I wanted to say is that, I'm in love with you and I've been for a while but I never got the courage to say anything to you, afraid of rejection.

With all that being said, I want to say goodbye. Please don't blame yourselves for this, it's not your fault."

Bucky didn't notice until he was done reading that tears are flooding down his cheeks. She is in love with him, with him, and ex assassin who almost killed his best friend.

Truth is, he is in love with her too, and the fact that he doesn't know if he's going to be able to say it to her makes his heart clench in pain.

"Buck" Steve says opening the door. "She's in love with me" Bucky says tears threatening to fall again "Y/n is in love with me and I don't know if she's gonna make it. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to tell her that I love her"

Steve sits next to him patting his shoulder trying to give him some comfort.

---

Days has passed and Y/n hasn't woken up. Bucky has been by her side everyday, Steve has told him a thousand times to go rest and he'll watch over her, but he has always said no. Bucky doesn't want to move afraid Y/n will wake up and he's not there by her side, or that she goes away and he's not there to say goodbye.

"Please Y/n, wake up I-, you won't have to go back to that cell again I'll make sure of that. I just- I can't lose you Y/n, I don't wanna lose you" tears prick on his eyes.

Bucky takes her hand, intertwining their fingers together and bringing her hand to his lips and closes his eyes.

A soft grown makes him open his eyes. Y/n's eyes moving behind her eyelids. "Y/n?"

Her eyes starts to open slowly trying to adapt to the sudden light. She tries to swallow but her neck hurts, Y/n touches her neck but takes her hand away when she feel it bruised. Tears start to fill her eyes and a few starts to fall.

"It's okay" Bucky says standing up and hugging her letting her cry on his shoulder.

Minutes later Y/n pulls away and looks at him. "Buck I-" "It's okay you don't have to say anything" He says stroking her cheek. "I read your letter"

Y/n looks away wondering what he'll think of her now.

"I wanted to say that, I'm in love with you too" Y/n looks back at him wide eyed "I didn't know if you would make it, I was afraid you wouldn't make it. I-I don't want anything bad happening to you because I don't know if I would forgive myself for it" Bucky cups her left cheek with his hand. "Promise me that you won't do anything like that again please, I can't lose you" "I promise"

Bucky smiles softly at you before joining your lips together. "I love you" he says. "I love you too"

[johnbroutledge]

fyeahbuddie >>> kelly-severide

rambling about fandom/the future of this blog under the cut.

first things first, cause i know it’s gonna be a question: no, i am not leaving 911 fandom. i still love the show and i will still be talking about it and creating things for the fandom. 

that being said, a lot is going to change.  to be completely honest, i haven’t been happy with my tumblr in a while. i’ve been doing a lot of stuff because i feel like i should, because i think it’s what people want, and not because its what nikki wants and it’s high time i quit doing that. i’m a people pleaser by nature and i genuinely would rather be miserable myself than upset or disappoint other people, and honestly, that attitude re: fandom is making me hate it. 

i’ve put a lot of pressure on myself in this fandom. i felt obligated to gif every new episode and to liveblog and to keep everything up to-date as best i could. i reblogged everything i was tagged in without question, even if if was something that i maybe, personally, wasn’t all that interested in. even when i’d already reblogged 15 of basically the same thing, even when people who don’t follow me and have never spoken to me started tagging me in things and never interacting with me otherwise. i took every single request. i never wanted to be the person who said no. 

i was miserable. 

i literally measured out every single post i made, did i post enough 911? is that too many posts about other fandoms in a row? did i an answer an ask in a way that could possibly upset someone? am i taking too long to respond, will people think im an asshole who ignores them? 

it was around christmas i guess, i was sick as fuck with covid and i was in bed, going through multiple daily panic attacks about my health and rather or fucking not i needed to be in the hospital, and still beating myself up about the fact that i hadn’t made gifsets, that i realized how awful my experience had become. 

don’t get me wrong, y’all, please, i love every single one of you. i am so fucking eternally, crazy grateful that 900 of you decide to be here everyday. but i can’t do this anymore. 

as some of you know, ive been struggling with writers block and it’s one of the big things that i’ve wanted to work on getting through this year. the thing that got me through covid and christmas was this incredible special outer banks fic idea that @daisiesandmoonlight and i have built, that i love so incredibly much, but i literally have talked myself out of even trying to write it because i felt like my first fic back into writing had to be buddie. 

i’m over that too. so, here’s how the future looks for this blog. 

-this blog is multifandom. completely. it will no longer be 99% 9-1-1. i will still be posting/talking about, and creating things for 911 fandom, but it is no longer my sole priority. my interaction will probably go way down as incorporate my other fandoms in earnest.  -i will be making gifs, but when i want to, for what i want to. i will no longer be holding myself to a strict “i’ve gotta live gif every episode” schedule. i will no longer be taking every single request. in fact, i will most likely not be doing 95% of what was in my inbox pre covid. i just, i don’t have the inspiration for it. those of you who have asked for requests via discord, i will still be doing yours for sure.  -i will not be reblogging every single thing im tagged in, if it’s not something im personally into, if im overwhelmed or i feel like there’s just been too much going on, i won’t be reblogging. im sorry, y’all. i really am, i love you and i love being this positive light who always hypes people up, but my tags are insane, especially on show nights, and it’s honestly too much a lot of the time. -if it inspires me, im going to let it. if that means i post 8 gifsets from one fandom in a row, or my first fic back into writing isn’t buddie, that’s okay.  -i will be adding admins to @thebuddielibrary to help take the stress off there. hopefully that is a positive growth for that blog as well <3 -i will continue to be a positive blog in all my fandoms. i will still not be interacting with drama or ship wars or ship or character bashing. that isn’t me and it’s not the vibe i want to cultivate on my blog. 

basically, i’m prioritizing my own self for once. i’m cultivating a blog that makes me happy. i don’t know what that looks like yet, honestly, but im going to find out. and i love all of you, but if you no longer want to follow me, i completely understand. you’ve all gotta shape your own experiences too, and i get that. 

in short: this may not be my final form, but it is my first evolution.  thanks for listening guys. and thanks for being here. tagging some mutuals so maybe i wont get lost. 

@ashavahishta @maygrant @taylor-kelly @briinstardust @sopheliza25 @bvckleydiaz @burzekbrettsey @gilbxrt-blythe @selenaurrr @matan4il @tylerhunklin @deareddie @doctornineandthreequarters @buttercupbuck @hennwilson  @siriuslyjamie @tarlosbuddie @whattarush @evanbuckleyed @evaneddie @herodiaz @nymika-arts @firefighter-diaz @maurawrites @malikjavaddzayn @captaincasey 

im sure i forgot someone so please signal boost this!!! 

[angstysebfan]

What’s Done is Done - Part 2

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Requested by: @joannie95

--

It’s been 3 months since you moved out of the tower. You still went on missions with the team, and would go there to train during the week, but other than that, you stayed far away. Wanda and Nat would meet up with you for girls nights, and you would hang out with Sam frequently, but all out of the tower. You didn’t know this, but Bucky was miserable not seeing you. The only times he got a chance was briefings and a few missions. You begged Steve and Tony to keep you on separate missions, unless the whole team was needed. 

The whole team gave Bucky the riot act after you moved out. He knew what he did was stupid, but he just couldn’t understand how a beautiful and kind woman such as yourself could love him. You had helped relieve the nightmares, but after a mission where you were being openly threatened to get a reaction out of him, he just didn’t know what else to do. He thought you would break it off after being threatened because of him, but no. You told him it wasn’t his fault, which just made the guilt even worse.

He knows he went about things all wrong, and he knows the longer he waits, the worse things will be. However, out of respect for you, no one will tell him where you are. Even FRIDAY is keeping it confidential. He tries to follow his friends, but it’s like they know he would be doing it and make sure that they don’t go near you. He just wants to apologize and beg on his knees for forgiveness. He is lying on his bed on morning thinking of begging Steve for information when there is a knock on his door.

After alerting the person they can come in, Sam enters with an annoyed expression. “Listen, Y/N is coming to the tower today. This is the first time he is coming to hang out with the team, and you better not ruin it. You have done enough. Got it?” he sneers at Bucky. Bucky sighs, “Sam, I told you everything. I want to apologize to her. I get it if she won’t take me back. Just please let me apologize to her,” Bucky begs. 

Sam shakes his head, “If she lets you then fine. But don’t be afraid if she doesn’t. She is finally getting back to her old self,” Sam says before leaving the room. Bucky quickly flies out of bed to shower and change. He makes sure to wear your favorite shirt of his, hoping that will get your attention. He heads out to the common room and hears everyone talking. His heart pounds when he hears your voice, but quickly drops when he hears what you announce to the room.

“Everyone, this is my boyfriend Tommy,” you say with a large smile, while holding Tommy’s hand. Sam gets up and shakes Tommy’s hand as he looks behind him to see Bucky’s fallen expression. Although Sam is pissed at Bucky, he somewhat feels for the guy, but then thinks he deserves it. You continue to make introductions with the team before you finally turn around and see Bucky. Tommy looks up at the man, not realizing who he is and goes to shake his hand. “Uh... Tommy, this is... Sergeant Barnes,” you say nonchalantly. 

Bucky looks at you when you address him with his title, and his heart breaks slightly more, but he knows he deserves this and more, so he keeps his mouth shut and jealousy pools throughout him. Bucky shakes Tommy’s hand, and makes sure to squeeze just a little too hard, which makes Tommy flinch. You pull Tommy away and into the common room with the rest of the team, hoping Bucky will just leave, but of course he doesn’t.

The team is asking how you guys met, and how long you had been dating. Suddenly Bucky’s voice pops up, “So... have you fucked yet?” he asks. You look at him with wide eyes. Tommy clears his throat, “Uh... that’s kinda personal Sergeant Barnes,” he says, looking at you. You squeeze Tommy’s hand, trying to tell him to ignore him. “Well if you need pointers, I know all the things Y/N likes in the bedroom so,” Bucky says like he is talking about the weather.

“Bucky!” you yell. He just shrugs his shoulders like he hasn’t said anything wrong. “Tommy, please ignore him. He is an asshole,” you say glaring at Bucky. He gives you innocent eyes, and you can’t help but want to laugh because he looks adorable, but you shake your thoughts away. “Well, maybe we should just go, if this is how today is going to go,” you say standing up. You hear the group begging you to stay and yelling at Bucky. “Doll, I’m sorry. I’ll stop,” he says with pleading eyes.

You nod and sit back down, getting back into easy conversation with the team, trying to ignore Bucky. You kept looking over at him and he would give you a small smile each time, that would make butterflies form in your stomach. You scold yourself because he hurt you so damn bad, but your reaction to him cannot be helped. Especially since he is wearing your favorite shirt. You love the way it fits on him, showing all his bulging muscles. It’s like he did that on purpose, but you know he doesn’t care about you.

After spending the afternoon, you and Tommy take your leave. You say goodbye to your friends and are heading out when you feel a tap on your shoulder. You turn around to see Bucky, “Uh... I was hoping maybe we could talk.” You shake your head, “I... I don’t think I’m ready to talk Bucky. Don’t you have a date with some slut or something to get to?” you ask before going to walk away. Bucky grabs your arm, “If you think that man could ever make you feel the way I make you feel, you are only joking yourself,” he says in a jealous rage. 

You yank your arm away, “You’re right. He doesn’t make me feel the way you did. He is so much better,” you say before walking away. Bucky just stares at you, wanting to run after you. He didn’t mean the talk to go that way, but his jealousy got the best of him. Sam glares at him as he walks past, “Told ya not to get your hopes up Barnes,” he says before walking away.

--

A big mission came up a few weeks later. The whole team was brought it, which you hated because that meant Bucky was going to be there. You did your best to just ignore his existence and focus on what Steve and Tony were saying, but you felt his eyes on you. Once the briefing was over, you go get dressed in your kevlar suite and start grabbing all your weapons before heading to the quinjet.

You make sure to sit on the opposite side of the jet from Bucky, getting yourself psyched for the mission. Nat walks over to you, “You doing alright?” she asks. You look at her and smile, “It’s my job, I’ll be fine,” you respond. She nods and walks up to the pilot seat as Sam walks over, “If you want I’ll shoot him from the sky and say it was an accident,” he says making you laugh. “No, it’s ok Sammy. I’ll be fine,” you say giving him a hug. 

Steve calls everyone over to go over the game plan 1 more time. You and Nat were the ones to get into the computer to upload several files we were after. It was Steve, Bucky, and Wanda’s job to get you there. Sam, Tony, Clint, and Vision were to maintain the outside parameter. Bruce was to stay onboard unless he was needed to go green. You all nodded in understanding and got ready to to disembark the jet.

Once the jet landed, Steve, Bucky and Wanda went out first, followed up Sam, Tony, Clint and Vision. You and Nat came out last waiting for the all clear sign to enter the building. Once you were inside, you both followed the map, given to you, to get to the computer. You didn’t come across too much action while inside, maybe an agent here or there, but they were dealt with quickly.

“Almost seems too easy, right?” you ask Natasha, who nods in response. You both finally make it to the computer room and Nat sits down to start the upload, which will take about 10-15 minutes, while you stood guard. After almost 10 minutes, and no one was trying to stop you you turn to Nat, “Something is not right,” you say. You try your comm to call Steve, but there was nothing. 

“My comm is out, what about yours?” you ask Nat. Nat also tried to call out to the team with no response. Once the upload was done, you both start to head out the way you came. As you turned the corner, you come face to face with 15-20 HYDRA soldiers with their guns drawn. You and Nat both draw your weapons ready for a fight. It took all of 2 seconds for all hell to break loose. 

You and Nat are working seamlessly side by side, until you feel a sharp pain in your ribs. You look down and see a knife sticking out of your torso and you drop to your knees. You already know your lung has been punctured, but you keep trying to fight, as breathing gets harder. Nat turns and looks and sees you down, and fights hard to get to you. 

You are then kicked down and collapse on the floor. You hear Nat yell, but don’t hear what she is saying. All the chaos around you sounds so far away. Suddenly you feel yourself being lifted off the grown, “Y/N, open your eyes, Doll. Open your eyes,” you hear, but you can’t seem to open them. They are just too heavy.

Bucky runs back to the quinjet with you in his arms. He is panicking, as you are unresponsive. He brings you to Bruce, you immediately sets you up on a machine, and they see the faintest heart beat. Bucky holds your hand, begging you to be ok. Bruce asks someone to take Bucky away, which Steve does. Sam is being held by Nat, as he is also freaking out, as Tony flies the jet home. 

“Steve, I need her to be ok. Please, I need her to be ok. She needs to know... she needs to know,” Bucky says as Steve hugs him to keep him away from you. “Know what?” Steve asks, trying to get Bucky to calm down. “She needs to know that I never stopped loving her. I was stupid and didn’t think I was worthy of her. She could have died because of me and I... I didn’t think I deserved her. I’m sorry... I’m so fucking sorry,” Bucky says sobbing.

Steve holds onto Bucky, as he is still trying to get to you. Meanwhile Bruce has you hooked up to oxygen and an IV and regulates your heartbeat until you can get to the compound. Bucky looks helplessly at your pale skin, thinking how you could possibly die without knowing that he really did love you. That he didn’t mean to break your heart. That he wants to die, instead of you.

--

Part 3 coming soon! Happy New Year Everyone!

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Story Taglist: @calwitch, @jaysayey, @shamelessfangirl-3, @tcc-gizmachine

[popcrone818]

Spitfire-chapter 3

Sorry that I've been gone for so long, here is the next chapter in my Sweet Pea story.

Hope you enjoy please leave feedback.

Aurora’s POV

I stormed out of Sweet Pea’s trailer, tears coming to my eyes as the scene played on repeat in my mind. He only saw me as a friend nothing more, no matter how close we had been. I heard a bang coming from his trailer and I knew that he knew I wasn’t coming back. I sat in my car just outside Sunnyside Trailer park as I watched Toni and Fangs ride in on their bikes. I knew they were going to Sweet Pea’s as today was our normal day of watching movies until we got bored and ordered food. It’ll be a shock to them that I’m not there cuddled up to him already. I threw my car into drive and took off back to my house, hoping that Archie was with Veronica and that dad was at work. I didn’t want to deal with anyone else today I just wanted to lay in the bath and listen to music. There were no cars in the drive way when I got home so I headed straight upstairs to my bathroom and started running a bath with bubbles for myself. I had cried the whole way home and my eyes were puffy and my makeup smudged. I lit a few candles around the bathroom before I heard the doorbell ring just as I was about to get undressed. I groaned and headed back downstairs my socked feet making little noise on the hardwood floors.

“This better be fucking good I’m not in the mood.” I swung the door open to be face to face with Toni. She grabbed my shoulders and pulled me into her body. I felt sobs wrack my body as she moved us inside.

“It’s okay, come one I know that you want a bath, I’ll help you.” She led me upstairs and back into the bathroom that smelt like the teakwood candles I had lit before Toni arrived. She helped me undressed which isn’t weird even though she’s gay, this isn’t the first time Sweet Pea has been a dick and I’ve needed a bath. She switched on her playlist specifically designed for moments like these and she came to sit on the edge of the bath with some make up wipes. After helping me take off my smudged makeup she sat down on the cold tile of the bathroom and turned to me. “Tell me what happened. He told us what happened but what happened with your side.” I sunk down lower in the bath before I answered her.

“Basically he thinks that I need protecting, that I’m so fucking breakable that he needs to protect me from everyone.” I took a deep breath and looked at her.

“Oh honey, no he doesn’t, he knows how strong you are. You have never not once backed down from putting him in his place, when most people would from one single glance from him. That first day we met you I remember talking to him once you left, he said that no one has ever stood up to him like that. We teased him saying that he liked you but he brushed us off. When you did your dance he couldn’t take his eyes off you. But I know for a fact he wasn’t thinking sexually, there was nothing going on in his pants when Fangs looked at him. That may sound bad but what I’m really trying to tell you is that; he may be a dick, and he may have anger issues that he really needs to resolve but he does like you, as more than a friend, he’s just afraid of you leaving, he only has us. Well us and the serpents, but even then he really only has the three of us and he’s terrified of any of us leaving him.” I blinked back tears as her words sunk in. I had just walked out of one of my best friends lives just because he called me a friend and because I thought he thought of me as breakable.

“Should I go back over there?” I asked her.

“God no, make him grovel, you’re a badass bitch who don’t need no man. Make him want you that much more, make him squirm. Honestly he probably deserves it. Tonight you and I are having a girls night.” She giggled causing me to giggle. “Now where do you hide your face masks?” I pointed out the bottom drawer in the vanity. She nodded and got out all the different masks that I have before she took off out the door. I shook my head at her before she came back in dressed in a pair of my pjs and carrying another pair along with underwear for me. She was wearing a light green pair that consisted of booty shorts and a spaghetti strap tank top. For me she had grabbed my black booty shorts with my huge tshirt that I had stolen from Sweet Pea. I glared at her before I got out wrapping a towel around my body and drying off.

“I thought we were trying to make me feel better not make me miss him.” I held up the shirt to the front of my body.

“Shit I forgot that was his.” I waved her off and pulled it over my head. I may be pissed at him but he still smelt amazing. Even the candles I had put on reminded me of his scent. We spent the rest of the night talking shit about Sweet Pea and Fangs and also laughing our asses off at memories either with or without the boys as we did masks and watched stupid girly movies which made the both of us cry.

Sweet Pea’s POV

Summer had came quickly. Rory was avoiding me at any cost, serpent meetings she would stay by the bar with Toni, or she would be working the bar. She never came to the wyrm to just hang out anymore and when I saw her in school she kept her headphones in and her head down. I had been spending a lot of time with Josie McCoy and she was fun sure but she was no Rory, I thought she could help me get over her but she couldn’t. She and I were just using each other and called it a summer fling but a couple weeks in I couldn’t do it anymore. I had watched Rory laughing at Fangs and Toni in the wyrm and I just felt like absolute shit, so I stormed out of the wyrm jumped in my bike and made my way to Josie’s.

“Didn’t know we had a hook up scheduled.” She chuckled as she opened her door.

“I’m not here for a hook up.” I told her looking down at my feet. “I cant keep doing this Josie, I’m sorry.” I went to turn back around and leave when she grabbed my shoulder turning me around. Her lips were on mine and before I could even think we were up in her room hooking up yet again. I looked at her and suddenly I couldn’t see Josie anymore I saw Rory which made me kiss down her neck and bite harshly. I felt her moan which only spurred me on more.

It wasn’t until I was laying down staring up at the ceiling that I finally saw Josie not Rory. I frowned and looked at Josie before I got up to collect my clothes.

“This is it, no more I cant keep doing this to myself.” I told her as I buckled my belt back up.

“You love her don’t you?” She asked as she wrapped a sheet around her body.

“Who?” I asked her playing dumb, in the last 6 months all I have been able to think about is Rory, I have finally come to the realisation that the things we used to do we did because I liked her.

“Aurora Andrews.” I looked down at the floor as I shrugged on my jacket.

“Yeah I do. I have since I met her.”

“Then go get her dumbass. You’re the reason she has changed and you and I were only doing this so that we could forget other people. And I know I’m not the only one it hasn’t worked for. I don’t know how many times you’ve called me Rory.” I turned away from her and started to head out the door. “I hope it works out for you Sweet Pea, you’re a really great guy and I’m sorry for using you these past couple of weeks.”

“I’m sorry too, I hope everything works out for you.” With that I walked out of her room and out of her house.

I made my way to Wyrm knowing tonight was a night she was doing a shift with Toni, I had to talk to her, I needed to talk to her even if I can only get her back as a friend I don’t care. I quickly spotted Toni as I walked in, but she quickly ducked into the room behind the bar.

Aurora POV

Toni joined me in the back room as I tied my hair up getting ready for my shift.

“He’s here, you either start the plan now or you keep waiting hoping life will go on. But I know the both of you are miserable without the other.” She went to turn around and walk out before I spoke up.

“He has Josie now.” She spun back around to me as my voice was so quiet. “He doesn’t want me anymore and the plan is now null and void. Can I just have the night off?” She shook her head and grabbed both of my shoulders before pushing me out the door. I stumbled a little bit before I crashed into a strong chest. Their arms wound around my waist and I was hit wth a familiar scent, one I hadn’t smelt in months, other than the occasional candle that had a similar scent. Minus the leather and cigarette smell. I looked up craning my neck slightly as I was in heels so I wasn’t as short as I normally would be, and I found myself lost in his deep dark pools of whiskey. He cleared his throat and I pushed myself away from his strong arms and chest standing on my own. I crossed my arms over my chest and just stared at him as I waited for him to say something.

“Rory.” He breathed out reaching his hand out to me. I took another step back away from him and saw his face fall. “I’m sorry about that night, I’m a fucking idiot, I didn’t realise only calling you a friend and making you think that I thought you were fragile would do this. I like protecting you, even though I know you can protect yourself, I like knowing that I’m needed. These past couple of months I have missed your touch, have missed our banter, I’ve missed the way you push me to be someone better than just a drug running Serpent. Aurora Andrew’s I miss you so much and I never thought I would ever say that about a Northsider but you are different.” He took a deep breath and our eyes locked. I felt my resolve crumple around me and I reached my arms up and tangled my hands in his hair bringing his body closer to mine. Feelings aside, because he never mentioned them and I knew he was with Josie now, I knew I missed my best friend.

“Ive missed you too Sweets, I’ve missed sitting on you, I’ve missed our movie nights and cuddles. I’ve missed everything about you even the way you smell, which sounds weird now that I say that out loud. I had this whole plan to make you regret being a dick but standing here in your arms I know that I never want to go that long without your arms wrapped around me again.” I buried my head in his chest and I felt him chuckle as he ran his fingers through my hair.

“What did this plan entail?” He asked me pulling away from me slightly.

“Basically it was just making you regret the way that you spoke to me, showing you I wasn’t fragile and kicking some Ghoulie ass, but thinking about that now I can see how stupid it was.” I laughed and brought him in for another hug. His head rested in the crook of my neck and I felt his breath fan over the exposed skin.

“Rory, shift is starting!” I heard Toni yell from behind the bar. I pulled away from Sweet Pea and placed a soft kiss on his cheek before I strutted away swinging my hips more than normal as I felt his eyes on me. He is such a boy. I joined Toni behind the bar and watched as Sweet Pea walked over to Fangs to start a game of pool. “So… that looked promising?” She questioned me as we started to serve some of the patrons of the bar.

“He apologised and told me all of these cute things that he missed about me, I was fucking putty in his hands and he knew that. I wanted to make him work for it but as soon as I felt his touch I was fucking gone. Toni I think I love that man over there.” She squealed and pulled me into her.

“I’m so gad you finally see it. Ive been saying that for months and you’ve just brushed me off every time. I actually remember you threatening me over it once too.” We giggled at each other and my eyes found Sweet Pea, he was already looking at me and we made eye contact before I blushed and turned away from him back to the job at hand of getting the older serpents drunk.

“Hey pretty lady, what are you doing after you finish up here?” I heard a deep baritone voice coming from behind me and instantly tensed up. I turned around slowly and threw the rag I had in my hands at Sweet Pea.

“I was seriously about to cuss you out and tell you I had a boyfriend, they always leave me alone when I do that.” He threw the rag back at me and I got back to the tedious job of cleaning all the glasses.

“You get that often then I assume?” He asked me as he sat at the bar. I rolled my eyes at him and grabbed a beer out for him.

“Every so often, once they saw I wasn’t around you as often they started to get worse. I guess your just a really scary badass Serpent that even the older serpents are afraid of.”

“Yeah I kicked one of their asses a few months back and no one has looked me in the eye since.” He took a swig of his beer before my attention had to be taken away by another Serpent.

“Hey hot stuff!” I rolled my eyes but went over to him anyway. “Once your done with mister 30 seconds I’ll take a beer and your number thanks.” He winked at me and I watched from the corner of my eyes as Sweet Pea clenched and unclenched his fists. I bent over slightly more than I needed to in Sweet Pea’s line of sight as I got the beer out.

“You can have the beer, because that’s my job, but my number and my attention are saved for him, so I would appreciate any rude remarks to be kept to a minimum or non existent.” I sent him a wink and shoved the beer into his hand before turning back to Sweet Pea.

“Um, when did that happen?” He asked gesturing to my body.

“Um, when my big cuddly teddy bear decided to be a dick. I told you I could take care of myself, now you’ve seen me in action.” I rolled my eyes at him as he looked back over to the perv from before. “Plus he probably heard you hit on me and I didn’t say anything so he thought it was alright tonight.” I shrugged and started to wipe down the bar.

“I always knew you could handle yourself Rory, I’m just very protective, and I guess you could say territorial as well.” He looked down at the bar not meeting my eyes.

“Oh I know you are Sweets, why do you think I let you give me all those hickies anyway?” He gave me a questioning look finally meeting my eye as I leant against the bar on the other side.

“Wait, what? You knew I was doing that to keep pervs like that fuckwit away from you?” He asked me, I nodded and leant over closer to him on the bar. My boobs getting squished between the bar top and my body.

“Of curse I did, I also knew you beat up the first Serpent that tried to hit on me too. I’m not stupid Sweets.”

“Never said you were. What time do you get off anyway?” He asked me as I leaned back to look at the clock.

“Uh, in 15 why?”

“Movies at mine? No Fangs, no Toni just the two of us?”

“Absolutely!” I looked around for Toni hoping I could get off early. I found her over by the pool tables with Fangs. “You go talk to her, I’ll make sure everything is right for her to take over.” He nodded and got up making his way over to Toni and Fangs, I saw her nod her head as I wiped the bar clean.

“So you having movie night without us tonight?” She asked as she retied her apron on her hips. I nodded and blushed. “Get out of here, and if I don’t get an update tonight I’ll assume things went great and we should start planning your wedding tomorrow.” She winked at me causing me to blush even darker. She pulled me into a tight hug before placing a kiss on my cheek.

“Ready?” Sweet Pea asked from behind Toni. I nodded and pulled off my apron before going into the back to get my things. Sweet Pea placed a hand in the small of my back as we made our way out of the Wyrm.

“USE PROTECTION!” I heard Fangs yell from inside and I blushed and looked at Sweet Pea.

“Toni also thinks something is going to happen tonight.”

“It can if you want.” He whispered in my ear before handing me his helmet. I shook my head and gestured to my own bike. His eyes nearly fell out of his head at my baby. I grinned before placing a kiss on his cheek and skipping off to my bike, turning the key and hearing the engine roar to life. I looked back to Sweet Pea who hadn’t moved yet, his jaw going slack before I winked at him and sped off to his trailer.

Being back in his trailer again after so many weeks of not being here was weird, he handed me a glass of water before we sat down on his couch and faced each other.

“How have you been?” He sat down his glass and licked his lips. I found myself watching his every move.

“Not too bad, been busy working and you know things with school.” He ran his fingers through his hair and I felt my fingers twitch.

“Okay, look we used to be close, I want to get back to that and this small talk bullshit is not helping our situation. In the last couple of months we have both been avoiding each other, after you stormed out of my trailer Toni told me why she thought I lost you. Look, I called you a friend because I thought that’s what we were, just best friends.”

“Look I understand that we were friends and I know that you calling me a friend shouldn’t have effected me the way that it did. But it happened and I acted on impulse,”

“The way that you left effected me in a way that it shouldn’t have as well. We were both acting on emotions, I love you Aurora, that is why I protect you, that is why I acted the way I did with Mantle that day, and why I got so emotional when you told me you could handle yourself. I know you can but I like feeling like I’m needed, needed by someone so important in my life. It gives me a feeling of accomplishment. I miss the feeling of your fingers on my skin, I miss when you would push me in the chest when I was being a dick, I miss you sitting in my lap and wrapping my arms around you, I miss cuddling in the couch and watching movies until all hours of the night.” He reached forward and took my hand in his anger one, he looked down at our interlocked hands and started to fidget with one of my many rings. “These past couple of months have been hell for me, as Im sure it has been for you. Toni hardly spoke to me she would talk to me through Fangs, and I knew she was with you when she wasn’t with us. It killed me not having you right beside me.” I squeezed his hand and looked into his deep whiskey eyes. I’m could see a slight sheen to his eyes and squeezed his hand again.

“Sweet’s, these months have been just as hard for me too, that’s why Toni stayed with me. I reacted the way I did because I thought we had something, because I thought you could see I could handle myself and when you would jump in it made me feel like you didn’t have that faith in me. I thought you cared enough to let me be myself. It hurt Sweet Pea,”

“Noah,” I cocked my head to the side and looked at him strangely. “My name, its Noah.” He looked down at his lap and I felt my face contort into a smile. “No one knows, so please keep it to yourself.” He avoided looking up at me. I reached forward with my free hand and grasped his jaw tilting his head to look at me. I held his gaze.

“Noah, I will never let anyone know. Thank you for sharing that with me.” He let go of my hand and I felt his calloused hands rest on either side of my face.

“I want to do something.” I nodded my head holding eye contact with him. He leaned in pulling my face closer to his, I closed my eyes as his lips gently brushed mine before he pulled my face even closer and deepened the kiss. He pulled away from me slowly I kept my eyes closed but caressed his hands gently as they laid on my jaw. “Aurora Andrews, I have loved you since you stood up to me, I felt soft and weak under your gaze,” I felt his thumb softly rub his thumb against the apple of my cheek. “I honestly hated the feeling but I found myself drawn to you, to feel your touch and to feel your gaze on my skin once again. I craved the feeling of your skin on mine, I became protective of you, I hated it when you joined and did the dance, I never wanted this life for you, I don’t even want this life for me, but if you feel the same I will work tirelessly to give you the life that you deserve.” I felt a tear roll down my cheek and Sweet Pea was quick to wipe it away. I opened my eyes and felt myself get lost in his honey coloured eyes.

“Of course I feel the same, I’m strong but I feel weak around you, I feel butterflies whenever you touch me, which is a lot by the way. I want a life with you Noah, we can get out of this together and have what we want.” I took his hands off my face and held them in my own. “I love you Noah.”

“I love you Aurora.” I pulled his face closer to mine and planted my lips on his, he pulled back slowly and rested his forehead on mine. “Be mine?” I nodded keeping my eyes closed when he pulled me impossibly closer almost sitting on his lap before kissing me passionately with his arms wrapped around my waist.

[missazura]

when you least expect it, something in your heart will finally open, finally realize that it cannot take anymore, and that it wants change. if you don't make the choice to leave, you still WILL leave one day, your brain and your heart will finally decide one day "this is enough, i deserve better" and you will feel much more motivation to leave. i know it's hard right now but it WILL get better, our brains are built to make us function, to survive. even when we are at our most broken, we inevitably keep going until we are not as broken and able to keep going again. and one day you wont have to crawl anymore.

i know this isnt the exact same,but to explain what i mean: i have been stuck in a toxic job, with horrible people, 13 hour shifts with no breaks, constant stress and have been physically ill and very suicidal for 6 years. my first and only job i've ever had, i just. haven't left. i've been told i have to stay and have been guilted horrendously to the point of having ptsd and i feel very stuck in my workplace. for the longest time, i did absolutely nothing about it even tho i was miserable, because i was conditioned to believe i needed to be there. something snapped in me this year, i dont even know what happened but finally something in my heart broke open and said "goddamn. this isnt right. i cant do this." and i had many moments where i felt this way, yes, almost constantly, i'd be suicidal and think "god i can't do this anymore" but like... this was *different* and i couldnt explain in words why. it's the same thoughts as always, the same "i can't do this, i want to leave" except this time, it came with motivation! determination! some newfound energy is inside of me.

ive always wanted to leave. just as you've always wanted to leave. but something in me emotionally changed and gave me a passion i never had in my life, just as something in you will change. it's just how our bodies work. i am finally motivated to apply for other places, to leave my workplace hopefully by summertime. and i hope that you are able to also have that piece of you inside awaken itself and help give you the fuel and motivation to move forward, just as you inevitably will as all humans do to survive. and one day you won't just be surviving anymore, you'll be living and you'll be so much happier. im sorry if i didnt make sense, im really bad at explaining words, but basically: don't worry, you will be able to accomplish what you want, simply because that is how human brains are built and eventually you will find that part of yourself that will help you get to the next big step you'd have to take. please take care of yourself, love you azura

thank you so much. I understand how that is, and I'm so so proud of you for taking that big major step out of that place. I know I'm aware that I want to leave this house, yet my guilt holds me in place (I've been abused and conditioned for years that since I'm an orphan my grandma and aunt took in, I'm obligated to pay them back by doing work and taking care of them that I feel suffocated and trapped by it). I got a little taste of freedom when my grandma remarried in 2020 and she left the house to live with her new husband on occassion, but 3 days ago he died, so she's back home here- forever, and I can't stand being here. I know getting a new job is in my plans but at the same time I have to heal my injured body first or I'll crash and make things worse. she expects me to be a caretaker, she throws tantrums and death threats whenever I don't oblige when I'm busy, and at my previous job she kept bothering me on my work time because she was feeling chatty and wanted someone to vent to about her 50 year old problems.

I'm turning 30 next year, and I feel like I'm being too old to live with my family, and I don't feel like I've really lived on my own. I want my own life, just as my sister managed to get hers- but my family backed off on her part bc she's planning to get married one day and I'm still single, therefore they think I have to be of service to the family still bc I don't have any major obligations of starting a family with someone.

I can't take it anymore. I can't keep feeling suicidal about it either, I have to do something about it. my grandma holds the money and I have none of my own so I don't have access to my therapist to work this out with, I feel so trapped.

I might start with opening emergency commissions soon after I'm done with my current batch, but I don't know if I have the means to take in work for the time being. I have to try.

[css1992]

Guilty Pleasure

Summary:  Peter and Beck used to be a power couple in the porn industry, but after Beck dumps him, Peter is forced to start over. With no money, no family and nowhere to go, he doesn’t have much choice other than to keep doing porn, so he joins Just4Fans to get back on his feet and then one day he gets a very generous tip from someone under the username of YKWIM. 

All the warnings listed on Part I apply.

Read on AO3

Part I / Part II / Part III / Part IV / Part V /  Part VI /  Part VII /  Part VIII  / Part IX / Part X /  Part XI / Epilogue

-x-

Almost two months after moving out of Beck’s place, Peter was able to rent an apartment in the same building as Ned and MJ. It was tiny, of course, but pretty inexpensive, compared to other options he found around that area. Besides, with the money he made with Just4Fans over those few weeks, he would be able to afford it comfortably for at least a few months – largely thanks to YKWIM. He still planned on saving up as much as possible, so he put a lot of effort into making his account grow and it was working – by the end of April, he was up to five hundred subscribers.

He didn’t check to see what Beck was doing, he was too afraid to look and see him with his new boyfriend, but he got lots of comments from his old fans, who still followed Beck, telling him that the new boy had nothing on him. Again, he didn’t dare to check, but the ego boost was nice, even if he didn’t really believe them. Also, he was down to crying once every two days instead of every other day, so he was counting that as a win as well.

His apartment was still pretty empty, specially because he spent most of his time downstairs at his friends’ place, but he decorated the bathroom and his room to the best of his ability, since they would be the background of pretty much all his videos and pictures. He also bought some new lingerie sets, a few costumes and sex toys he wasn’t even sure how to use, but he was slowly figuring them out.

Aside from decorating his room and the bathroom, he also bought an armchair and placed it by the  window with a couple of pillows. It was a nice spot to spend the afternoon reading or working on his computer. The light in that apartment was great, sunlight streamed right into his living room and warmed it up nicely. As they approached the end of April, the weather was getting better everyday.

Some days, he felt happy. He felt okay with the fact that he was still doing porn and that it wasn’t a terrible crime. Sure, it wasn’t what he had planned to do with his life, but he was young, he would eventually figure things out. For the time being, he needed that gig and he couldn’t beat himself up for it. Also, it wasn’t so bad now that he was only doing solo stuff.

Some other days, though, were just – hard. He remembered all the videos that were still online and he felt awful for the sole reason that they existed. Not so much for the ones he filmed with Beck, he was somewhat okay with those, the guy was his boyfriend after all, they had sex anyway, the only difference was the camera in the room. But the other ones…

When he started filming with other men, it quickly turned into an unpleasant experience for him. He hated every second of it and always ended up feeling guilty, used and disposable at the end of the day. Beck didn’t make it any better with the way he looked at him afterwards as he told him to get in the shower.

He wasn’t entirely sure of the reasons why those videos bothered him so much, sometimes it felt like it wasn’t even him in them. It was like he was watching a different person, he looked at himself and felt completely dissociated from that boy – at the same time, he looked at him and he knew – he knew – exactly what he was feeling when those were shot.

But that was a lot to unpack and he just wasn’t ready for that particular crisis.  

So in short, sometimes he was still a little unsure about how long he would be able to keep his Just4Fans account, because even though most days he didn’t feel too weird about it, sometimes it reminded him of things he preferred to forget. But that was fine, he was usually able to work around that. Also, most of his subscribers were great and didn’t make him feel like a cheap whore, so he had that going for him as well.

YKWIM was one of the good ones. They chatted almost daily, and Peter always sent him exclusive pictures and videos just because. He never posted those pictures on his feed once he sent them to him, it was their little secret. In return, he got his own collection of short videos of YKWIM finishing himself off. He didn’t know much about the person behind the videos, he’d taken to calling him daddy because most of his subscribers seemed to like it and YKWIM never complained, so it stuck.

Peter did know he lived in New York – which made him shiver – and that he was a businessman of some kind, but he also always talked about a workshop, so Peter wasn’t sure and he avoided asking personal questions. He worked most of the day and into the night, they usually talked when it was late, always around two in the morning.

He traveled a lot, too, and sometimes sent Peter small clips of his hotel rooms or the view from his balcony. In return, Peter sent him pictures of his messy bedroom and the horrible view from his window as a joke. It was nice talking to him, he always made Peter laugh – and then it often ended with a very satisfying orgasm that put him right to sleep, which was awesome.

Peter estimated YKWIM was older than Beck, but not by too much. He clearly had a fit body, which at first led him to believe he was in his thirties, at most; but he noticed YKWIM sometimes talked about the 80’s like he lived them, so he had to be at least in his forties, but Peter couldn’t be sure. He really wished he would show his face, though, it would be nice to have one to fantasize about. But then again, maybe it would ruin the whole thing.

One afternoon, after Peter spent hours taking pictures, shooting videos and editing them so he could post them over the following week, he got a message from YKWIM. He hurried to check it and was shocked to see that he had sent him yet another tip – forty thousand dollars this time.

“For you to buy pretty things so you can show them off to me.” Said the message that came with the money.

Peter almost dropped his phone when he saw it. It had been only five weeks since his last insane tip, so that made fifty thousand dollars in just a little over a month. For, like, thirty nudes. Who even was that guy?

“Wow, daddy, that’s way too much!” He added a flushed face emoji, for lack of something better to say. He was honestly feeling a little overwhelmed, even if the guy had millions to spend, there was no way just giving someone that amount of money was normal.

“That’s not nearly enough for what you’ve given me, baby.” Peter’s cheeks burned.

“I’m very flattered, but please, I really don’t think I deserve all this.” He was pretty sure he sounded pathetic, but that was how he felt, so. Yeah.

“Oh, but you do. Trust me, you really, really do. You’re worth every penny.” Peter bit his lower lip, a little unsure and still a little shocked.

“At least tell me what you’d like to see from me, please. Do you have any kinks that you’d like me to perform? Don’t be shy.” He asked, even though it always made him nervous to offer that kind of thing. Sometimes people were just waiting for the perfect opportunity to make the weirdest requests.

But, to be fair, he had been talking to YKWIM for over a month, so he somewhat trusted him not to ask for anything too absurd.  And then again, the guy had just paid him forty thousand dollars.

“Well, if you insist...” Here it comes, Peter thought, bracing himself. “Red and gold are my favorite colors. I’d love to see you wearing them.” Oh. Not what he was expecting at all.

“Done! Anything else? Come on, there’s gotta be something else.” Again, risky move. But again, forty thousand dollars.

“I’d love to hear you. You’re always so quiet in your videos. If you feel comfortable, I’d love to hear you call my name.” The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end at that request. It sounded… almost sweet? It obviously wasn’t meant like that, it was completely sexual, but out of all the wild things he could have asked for, he wanted to hear Peter call his name.

“What’s your name, daddy?”

“Tony.” Tony. Peter tested the word out on his tongue, saying it out loud once, twice. Tony. It suited the image he had created in his head. Tony.

“I can definitely do that, Tony. Anything else?”

“Buy yourself something pretty and send me a picture wearing it. Nothing sexual. Something you’d wear to a date with me.” Peter’s breath hitched. He supposed it was probably just a weird, rich people kink or something, but his mind went wild anyway. Very, very wild.

“I don’t know what I’d wear to a date with you, daddy. Any advice?”

“I like expensive and beautiful things such as yourself, baby.”

Normally, Peter wouldn’t appreciate being called expensive, like he was a thing to be bought, but he felt weirdly flattered by the answer. He promised YKW – Tony – he would send everything he requested over the next few days, and he was actually excited about the whole thing. And of course he knew that feeling was trouble, there were warning signs flashing like crazy before his eyes, but he ignored them and convinced himself that he was just having fun and he was allowed to have fun if he was going to keep doing porn. He didn’t have to feel miserable and guilty all the fucking time. He could – and should! – take some pleasure from it. He deserved it.

So the following day he asked MJ to go shopping with him, but he still didn’t tell her the whole story, he just said it was for his Just4Fans and she readily agreed to go. They went to Victoria’s Secret and Peter told her what he had in mind.

“So, how’s the job going? You’re doing okay? Not too overwhelmed?” She asked coolly as they searched through the panties section.

“Yeah, it’s fine, it’s different when I’m in control, you know? Like, I know my limits and I don’t need to count on other people to respect them. Well, most of the time. So it’s cool.”

Some subscribers were a little pushy sometimes, asking for things Peter wasn’t willing to do and then getting really aggressive after being told no. But it didn’t affect him as much as it did when Beck ignored his boundaries, because those pushy subscribers could be easily blocked, whereas with Beck, well. It was a different story.

“Don’t ever feel like you need to push your limits, okay?” Michelle stopped what she was doing to grab him by the shoulders and force him to look at her. “If you ever feel like stopping, for whatever reason, just do it. No matter what, you’ll always have me and Ned, understand? We’re family, we’re here for you, we’d never leave you alone. If you want to stop, we’ll figure something out together, you hear me?” The way she looked into his eyes made him understand that she really meant every single word of it.

Family. He had a family with them.

Peter felt silly tearing up in the middle of Victoria’s Secret, so he pulled her into his arms and hid his face in her neck.

“Thank you. I needed to hear that,” he muttered, as she squeezed him a little tighter, before pushing him away.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t get all teary-eyed on me, come on, you’ll ruin my reputation.” She looked around, sniffing, then stuck her hands in her pockets. Peter laughed halfheartedly, drying the corner of his eyes. “C’mon, there are panties to be bought.”

They spent a couple of hours searching the store, but in the end he found the perfect set. He bought some other pieces, too, for his feed, people had been asking for lingerie a lot lately, after a slightly weird phase of cat ears and tails. Once they left Victoria’s Secret, Peter was nervous because he had to tell MJ at least part of the truth to get her help with the second part of Tony’s request.

“So, listen,” he started and she turned to him, happily sipping her large coffee as they walked down the street. “I have this subscriber. He’s, like, a rich, old dude who always sends me tips and stuff. Anyway, he gave me some money and asked me to buy something nice and pose for him, but like, not in a sexual way. He wants to see me clothed.” She frowned, staring at him suspiciously. “Um. I was wondering if you could help me with that?”

She was silent for a few seconds, just looking at him with narrowed eyes. He looked away discreetly, trying to avoid her mind-reading skills.

“Should I be worried?” She asked, finally. He shook his head and chuckled nervously, waving a hand dismissively.

“He’s harmless, just some lonely, old dude. So, will you help?” He looked at her expectantly. She was still frowning and definitely knew something was up, but she nodded anyway, to Peter’s relief.

“What do you have in mind?” MJ asked and resumed her stroll down the street, Peter had to jog a little to keep up.

“Something expensive and beautiful,” He quoted Tony, like an idiot, because he honestly had no idea what that meant.

“That’s oddly specific and somehow not helpful at all.” She lifted an eyebrow and looked around the busy street. “How expensive are we talking about?”

“I’m not sure. Very?” He answered nervously, and, yet again, she looked looked like she wanted to rip the truth out of him, but she also knew that was not the way to go with him.  

“How much did this guy give you?”

“Um. for – five thousand dollars.” He stuttered. He couldn’t bring himself to tell her the actual amount, because it sounded absolutely insane and she would worry unnecessarily.

“Holy shit!? Fuck, why aren’t I doing porn?!” She screeched and Peter hurried to put his hands over her mouth, because at least three people turned around to look at them.

“Don’t even joke about that, you hear me? You have a bright future ahead of you, don’t fuck it up,” he told her seriously and she looked like she wanted to argue just for the sake of being annoying, but something in the way he looked at her must have made her realize he meant it.

“Chill, I’m joking.” She patted his shoulder and looked away. “So. Five thousand dollars? We can work with that.”

He was a little scared of the weird gleam in her eyes, but followed her anyway.

They spent the rest of the afternoon shopping, it was a lot of fun and he even got her a pair of shoes she kept staring longingly at. She was worried they would go over the budget because she wanted him to save some of the money, but he assured her he could afford it. They managed to put together a great outfit that he was very confident about and then called Ned to meet them for dinner in the evening.

Later, they took the subway home and, for a while, he felt like a normal 20-year-old guy – happy, weightless and just a little heartbroken, like everyone was bound to be at some point in life. He was going to be okay, he realized. That thought hit him like a punch in the face and it felt fucking awesome.

He rested his head on Ned’s shoulder with a sigh of relief, feeling the warmth of MJ’s hand on his thigh.

It was around midnight when he got home, which for him was still a little early, he had developed the terrible habit of going to bed well after two in the morning – he blamed Tony, but to be fair, many of his subscribers were mostly active around that time as well. He debated whether or not he should start working on Tony’s requests, he was a little tired from a long day of walking around carrying bags, but also surprisingly eager to show the older man what he got for him.

He took the Victoria’s Secret bag and displayed the new outfit on the bed. It was a simple, but beautiful lingerie set. What Peter loved most about it was the fabric – it was made of deep red satin, smooth and glossy, and it felt simply amazing on the skin.

He decided to try it on, just to make sure it fit properly.

The top was a delicate bralette, two little triangles only big enough to hide his nipples and a little bit of his pecs. It was the perfect size for him, it sat flush with his skin, no unflattering cup gaps. The panties were tiny, Peter wasn’t too sure about those back in the store, he was worried not everything would fit in it. It did, but just barely, but it actually worked in his favor, in his humble opinion. Lastly, he put on the garter belt, which was just a thin piece of fabric that went around his waist, with two straps that hung down to clasp onto two elastic bands that went around his thighs.

Since Tony said red and gold, he also put on a thick, golden choker, just to see how it would look.

Once he was dressed, he went to check in the mirror. He bit his lower lip, running his hand over the fabric that covered his chest. It felt really smooth, and the way it brushed against his nipples sent shivers down his spine. He closed his eyes and imagined it was Tony’s hands on his body. They looked strong enough to hurt, but he imagined they would be gentle with him, as they traced a path from his collarbone to his neck, to wrap themselves around his throat – but not tight enough to choke him, just a promise.

He sighed, as if to check that he could still breath under the pressure, and slowly slid his hands down from his neck, brushing his hard nipples on their way down to the front of the panties – God, it was so smooth...

For some reason, he imagined Tony would be a gentle lover. Maybe it was the way he talked to him, always so charming, all sweetheart and baby, all praise and compliments. Maybe it was the way he never demanded anything, only asked nicely, all please and thank you.  

Tony wouldn’t ruin him, like he promised so many times in those last few weeks, he would fuck him long and slow, raspy voice whispering sweet praise in his ear, rough hands holding him down, hips snapping with each unrelenting thrust.

He bit his lips, knees buckling as he felt the front of the panties getting wet, while his leaking cock struggled to get free.

Well, then.

He grabbed his camera from the closet and positioned it on a tripod in front of the bed, just a few feet away, and programmed it to take pictures every five seconds. He sat on the bed, facing the camera, feet still on the floor, and just closed his eyes for a minute, letting a sigh escape his lips as the fantasy from before filled his mind again.

He spread his legs and his fingers reached down to the front of his panties again. His cock felt impossibly hard, straining against the delicate fabric, dark pink tip peeking out of over the top of the tiny underwear. He touched himself slowly, hips rocking lightly to match the pace of his own hand, as he listened to the clicks of the pictures being taken.

He had to force himself to stop, before he lost control, and moved to kneel on the bed, with his side facing the camera, and lowered his chest until it was touching the mattress, letting his back curve in a sinful arch, head turned to the side, staring right at the lens. At Tony. Imagining what he would do if he were there.

He sat back on his heels and turned his back to the camera, spreading his knees, each of his hands grabbing one ass cheek, pulling them apart, only a thin, barely there strip of fabric hiding his nakedness. He looked over his shoulder and waited for the camera to take at least a couple of pictures.

Next, he laid on his back, side facing the camera again, left hand rubbing one nipple over the silky fabric, as the right one reached down the front of the panties, to finally give himself some sort of relief. He let out an almost pained moan as he wrapped a hand around his cock, pumping it slowly, once, twice, but all that teasing was driving him a little insane.

He knew he should probably take a few more pictures, but he also knew wouldn’t last much longer.

He got off the bed and went to the dresser where he kept all of his “work stuff”. He grabbed a tube of lube and a vibrator that was neither too small, nor too big, it was a size Peter was comfortable with.

He switched the camera to video mode, pressed record and resumed his position on the bed, knees on the bed, holding his lower body up, and chest resting on the mattress. He squeezed a generous amount of lube onto his fingers, pushed the panties a little to the side and circled his hole gently, slowly, because that was how he imagined Tony would do it. Those big, rough hands would have grabbed him by the hips, put him in that exact position, before teasing him mercilessly.

He moaned quietly and closed his eyes, rubbing slow circles around his rim, pressing a little against his entrance, but not hard enough to breach it. He felt his cock pulsing, begging for attention, but he didn’t dare to touch it, not yet.

“Tony, please...” He whined, pushing his hips back against his own hand, he was so lost in his fantasy he almost forgot he didn’t need to beg. Almost. “I need you...”

Gently, he started pushing one finger inside, knuckle by knuckle, he was so aroused he barely felt the burn, just delicious pressure that made his eyes roll to the back of his head. He started fucking himself on his finger, feeling the muscles around it slowly make way.

“’Been thinking about you, Tony…” he rasped out, hips pushing back against his hand. “Can’t stop thinking ‘bout you...” When he felt loose enough, he pushed another finger inside, the stretch becoming a little more noticeable as he slowly scissored himself open. He got on all fours and turned his back to the camera to give Tony a better view, all spread out for him, and kept fucking himself, picking up the pace once just those two fingers weren’t enough. “Fuck, daddy, need you so bad...”

He eased the fingers out of himself, sighing at the loss, and reached for the vibrator that was sitting on the bed and turned to face the camera again. He knelt on the bed and, with one hand, he propped the vibrator up on the mattress, holding it down from behind him, as with the other hand he guided its tip to his already abused hole.

He flicked the switch and it vibrated to life, nudging against his hole before finally slipping in. Peter’s breath hitched at the intrusion, feeling the delicious burn on his lower back, as he moved his hips up and down slowly, trying to push more of it inside with each painful thrust.

“Fuck me, Tony,” he begged, as his free hand finally reached for his neglected cock, pumping it hard and fast, matching the maddening pace his hips set. He lost all sense of rhythm when he felt the tip of the vibrator finally – finally – reach his prostate and he pushed it even further in, until the pressure against the bundle of nerves became too much and he exploded in one of the best orgasms he had had in a long, long time. “Oh, f-fuck!” His vision went dark for a second as he let himself fall back on the bed, wasted.

He spent almost ten minutes just lying there, trying to catch his breath and regain consciousness. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt like that, he was boneless, floaty, completely satisfied. It was honestly the best he felt in months.

When his legs stopped shaking, he got up and headed straight to the shower, still feeling a little dizzy and weak, but he wasn’t complaining.

Once he was finished, he debated whether he should just go to bed or send Tony what he had, but with the way he was feeling, he knew he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep so easily. So decided to send at least the pictures right away, even though it was nearing 3AM. Peter knew Tony was probably up, the man did say that he was an insomniac and that he sometimes went days without any real sleep, so it wasn’t a surprise when he answered just a few minutes after Peter sent them.

“Holy fuck, Peter!!” Peter bit his lower lip, burying his face in the pillow to hide his blush, even though he was alone in his room.“What the fuck, baby, it’s three in the morning, are you trying to fucking kill me?!”

“So you like them?” He asked with feigned innocence.

“I fucking love them, you little tease, these are hands down my favorites yet. I swear I’m gonna have them framed and hung in my workshop and I’ll spend the rest of my fucking days just writing odes to you.” Peter giggled into the pillow, turning on his side to get more comfortable on the bed.

“I bet you say that to all the boys.” He joked lightly, blushing again, which was stupid, but he couldn’t help it.

“Fuck no! You’re something else, kitten, and you don’t even know it.” Peter suppressed a smile, biting his lower lip.

“Are you touching yourself right now, daddy?”

“To be honest, I’m so fucking hard I think I’m gonna come instantly if I even brush my fingers on my cock. I’m literally just staring at the pictures right now and worrying I’m gonna come untouched just from that.” Peter laid on his stomach and bit the pillow, gently rocking his hips against the bed.

“That’s so hot. Can I see it?”

Seconds later, there was a video in the chat. He played it immediately and, sure enough, Tony wasn’t kidding. His cock was rock hard, throbbing, the head was an angry purple, already glistening with pre-cum. Tony was just holding it at the base, not daring to touch it, and the whole thing almost made Peter hard again, but he was really exhausted.

“Fuck, daddy, I really wish I could help you with that.”

“Oh, you don’t even know what I wish.”

Tony didn’t say anything for a few minutes and Peter figured he had gone to sleep, but then his phone beeped, alerting him to another message from him. It was, of course, a picture of Tony’s spent cock, resting against his belly, which was covered in come, so much of it Peter’s mouth watered.

“Was it good, daddy?”

“The best, sweetheart. Thank you. I’m gonna sleep like a baby today.” Peter chuckled. Tony always said that was high praise coming from someone who hardly ever slept and the younger man took his word for it.

“Goodnight, Tony. Talk to you tomorrow?”

“Looking forward to it, Pete.”

He knew he was fucked the second he tried to suppress a small smile, but couldn’t.

[harrytpotter]

RIGHT PLACE, WRONG TIME — Part IV

Plot: Y/N finds herself trapped in a time in which she doesn’t belong only to learn that maybe that was her place all along.

Pairing: James Potter x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Slightly sexual scene with mild cursing.

A/N: Gif isn’t mine (took it from google, so please, if it belongs to you let me know so I can credit) and since my mother language isn’t English, I apologize for any mistakes in advance! :)

As the weeks went by and you still haven’t heard back from Dumbledore, you did your best to avoid James. You hardly even saw him and when you did, you barely spoke two words with him. You knew he had asked Lily why you were shutting him down because she told you and did ask that herself. You couldn’t exactly explain the reason why it was better for everyone and why it was the right thing to do, so you started shutting her and all of your friends down as well. Not as hard and as completely as you did with James, though. You were growing more miserable and lonely every day, wishing you could just go back to the future time where life was way more gentle and kind at you. It was the fourth night in a row that you had purposely skipped dinner to avoid seeing James. You were at Hagrid’s cabin, paying a visit to your dear friend and trying to cheer yourself up a bit.

“Yeh sure yeh don’ wanna eat anythin’, uh Y/N?!” Hagrid offers you a plate full of homemade cookies.

“I’m still stuffed from lunch, but thanks Hagrid!” You politely decline his offer, a warm smile on your face. Hagrid excelled in many things, but cooking wasn’t one of them.

“Alright, then! So yeh gonna tell me why yeh look so bummed?” He shoots a concerned glare at you.

“Just stressed out with school stuff, no biggie,” you smile reassuringly at him.

“James was just here the other day an’ he didn’ look quite alright ‘imself as well,” he shrugs.

“School is particularly hard this year I suppose,” you frown, getting up. “I should probably go, it’s getting quite late. See you, Hagrid!” You hug him goodbye.

Despite clearly having more to say about the previous subject, he hugs you back, leaving you breathless for a while given the strength he put into it. “Take care, Y/N!”

On your way back to the castle, you decide to make a little detour to the kitchen so you could help yourself of some leftovers from dinner.

“You’re one hard woman to track, love,” James’ voice startled you in the middle of a pitch-dark hallway.

“Merlin’s beard, James! Do you always have to sneak up on me like that?!” You whisper, taking your hand to your pounding heart.

The moonlight suddenly flooded through the windows, as the moon came out from behind a particularly massive cloud, and you saw a piece of paper clutched on James’ hand.

“I thought you had swore you’d never use that to keep tabs on me,” you point at the marauder’s map with your head.

James sighs heavily. “I know, but that was before you shut me down completely out of your life for no good reason. You’ve been even distancing yourself from Lily, Marlene, Sirius, Remus, everyone, Y/N! I’m worried about you. We all are. What’s going on with you, babe?” He cupped your face with his free hand and stared worryingly into your eyes, frowning. You could tell his mind was racing, trying to figure out what could possibly had happened to you.

You look away from his gaze and close your eyes, trying to come up with an excuse. Despite the little moment you two had shared in the astronomy tower, none of you had exactly being vocal about your feelings.

“You know what? We should make a trip to the kitchen and steal some chocolate pudding, what do you think? I bet some sugar in your system will make everything better!” He smiled brightly at you, starting a warm wave inside your chest.

“I believe it’s worth a try,” you smile sweetly back at him, unable to turn his puppy eyes down and doing your best to ignore the annoying butterflies in your stomach. You see, that’s the problem of finally admitting your feelings to yourself after keeping them hidden for so long: despite your best efforts to brush them off and hide them again, your body keeps giving you constant and awfully vivid reminders that they’re there.

***

The house-elves were happy to give you some snacks and sweets as the two of you entered the kitchen. You and James sat next to each other on the big island that laid in the middle of the room, eating, joking and throwing food at each other. Just like old times. The two of you didn’t leave the kitchen until you were both feeling stuffed.

Heading back to the Gryffindor tower, you were giggling at something James had said when you both heard footsteps nearby. Realizing he had left his invisibility cloak back in his dorm, James quickly pulled you to a very dark and hidden spot in the nearest corner of the hallway, behind an armor and beside a large shelf. Amidst the rush of having to improvise, he ended up with his both hands on your waist and his face almost glued to yours, since the space was limited and neither of you could move. His breath was uneven, just like yours, as he stared at your lips with a longing look on his eyes. Without thinking, he crashed his lips into yours, beginning a fueled, passionate kiss. You were immediately sent at a state of pure euphoria, all of your senses intensely and solely focused on this moment. Every inch of your body felt ecstatic, as if it had been waiting for this to happen for your entire life. As the boy deepened the kiss with a burning roughness you were already out of your mind, intoxicated by the feeling of having him touching you, kissing you. James slid one of his hands to your thigh and squeezed it slightly whilst taking his lips to your neck, leaving a trail of kisses, light bites and soft hickeys.

“Fuck, Jamie...” you suck the air between your teeth trying to suppress a moan, for James’ amusement. You could feel the satisfied grin he gave whilst his lips still sucked the skin of your neck, this time a little harder than before.

“Do you want me to stop?” He asks you mischievously, even though he already knew your answer.

“Don’t you dare to!” You shot desperately at him and pulled him closer, tangling your hand in his hair and pulling it roughly. You heard him gasp in surprise and pleasure and you bit your lower lip satisfied.

You honestly didn’t know what would’ve happened if it wasn’t for Filch’s interruption. “I know there are students out of bed! I heard giggles! And I bet it’s Potter, Black and Lupin!” He exclaims, breaking you and James out of your desire-driven trance. You quickly took James’ hands from your body and recomposed yourself.

“Argus, please, we’ve been looking around this hallway for the past fifteen minutes and didn’t find anyone! Just go to bed for Merlin’s sake!” You heard the annoyed voice of a sleepy Minerva McGonagall.

You and James stayed behind the armor for a little while after the two of you had heard their voices fading away, just in case.

“So, I think we need to talk about what just happened,” he says with a wide smirk, scratching his head.

“Nothing happened,” you’re quickly to point out. The guilty was eating you alive as you thought about Harry and Lily.

“Oh, but it would’ve, love. It really would,” he shoots you a cocky grin.

“Look, Jamie...” you start, lowering your head as you were unable to look him in the eyes. “That can never happen again, okay? Never.”

“Come on, love...” he says, getting closer to you and holding your chin gently between two fingers, lifting it so you could look at him. “You can’t deny that something is going on between you and I. And it has been for quite some time now,” he says tenderly, leaning in slowly.

You frown sadly and turn your head away, holding back the tears of hopelessness that were starting to form in your eyes. “What’s wrong, love? Don’t be afraid,” he cups your face with both of his hands, leading your gaze back at him.

Seeing the hopeful look he had in his eyes nearly broke you for good. “I can’t do this, Jamie...” you whisper weakly, not even remotely resembling the strong and fiery girl you’re known to be.

“Why not? Look, if that’s because of Lily, you have nothing to worry about. I never really liked her and I know you know that. In the beginning I was motivated by the challenge and a bet Sirius and I had made, of course, but then... about two years ago I realized who my heart had really chosen. I did nothing because I was too much of a coward, I’m afraid,” he states.

The tears were now rolling furiously down your face, despite your best efforts to control them. “James, please stop talking.”

“I need you to hear me, love. Just listen to me, would ya? Please,” he smiles nervously at you.

“You’re not making any sense, for Merlin’s sake! You belong with Lily, that’s how it’s supposed to be! You’ll fall in love, start dating, get married and have a kid!” You frown hopelessly.

“Y/N, did you hear what I just say? I can’t be with someone I don’t love! And I know you’re not saying that for Lily’s sake because she doesn’t fancy me either!”

“You wouldn’t understand, but believe me when I tell you this, Lily is your soulmate! Besides, I’m seeing someone,” you didn’t wanna lie to him nor hurt him like that, but you had to take his mind off of this somehow.

His face dropped as he let go of you. “Oh... That makes sense. You don’t want anything to do with me because you’re already in love with somebody else. I don’t blame you, I knew you wouldn’t wait around forever for me to man up,” James shrugged. “But you could’ve just saved your best mate here the embarrassment by mentioning it earlier, couldn’t you love?” He grins sadly, putting his hands at his pockets, and turned around, leaving you alone with an aching heart in the middle of the dark.

***

It had been a week since your little episode with James and now he was the one avoiding you. You knew you should clear the air with him, but you thought you could use this time to get your head straight and focus on what you really needed: finding a way out of this pace of time. Despite the fact that you were making things right with Lily and Marlene, your friendship with the marauders was going downhill. Sirius and Remus barely speak to you anymore since they were always by James’ side and you did break their friend’s heart. You sigh whilst looking yourself in the mirror after getting ready for your classes: you were the perfect depiction of misery. Heading down the stairs to begin your day, your feet suddenly stop when you hear a familiar voice coming from the common room. You didn’t mean to eavesdrop but you couldn’t face them right now.

“Come on, Prongs. Lighten up a bit, would you?” Sirius’ voice sounded concerned.

“I am very good Pads, can’t you see?” James answers him bitterly.

“I think you should talk to Y/N again, tell her how you really feel. You should try to work this out with her, mate,” Remus advises.

“I’ve already tried that, Moony! She didn’t care!”

“From what you’ve told us, you just reassured her that you don’t have any feelings for Lily. Have you tried telling her exactly how you feel about her?” Remus asks wisely.

“What good could it possibly make? She‘s already in love with someone that’s not me,” James sighs.

“I find it hard to believe,” Sirius states. “It’s just so obvious that she has feelings for you, I don’t know how your blind, stubborn self can’t see it! Plus, we’re her best friends and she never even once mentioned some guy she fancied to us.”

“That’s not the kind of thing a girl discusses with her male friends, Padfoot,” Remus says as if it was obvious. You imagined him rolling his eyes at your friend at the end of that sentence.

“No, but she would’ve mentioned it to Lily and Marlene...” James says with a realization tone.

“What are you waiting for? Go ask them then and find out who’s your competition!” Sirius exclaims vigorously. “That, of course, assuming that he’s real and Y/N isn’t making it up just so she can get herself rid of you.”

“I thought you said she had obvious feelings for me a while ago,” James says nervously.

“Don’t mind him, Prongs. He’s messing with you. Just go find Lily,” Remus says and you can hear the three of them exiting the room through the portrait hole.

“Bloody hell!” You curse at yourself, knowing very well that Lily would cover for you, much for her dismay, but you’d need to come up with a plan soon because James wouldn’t be fooled by that forever.

You wandered through the castle’s hallways with your mind racing, deciding to skip breakfast so you could think about your current situation. That seemed to be all you were doing lately. In fact, all you really wanted to do was scream in frustration and punch someone in the face. It was beyond unfair having to choose between a kind of an all-consuming feeling that happened once in a lifetime and the sake of your friends and their future as individuals and as a group. Being here was becoming heavier and heavier each day that went by. How much longer will you be able to resist James and deny your feelings? How much longer will you have to torture yourself? What if Dumbledore couldn’t fix whatever caused the time-turner to malfunction? What if you were bound to be trapped here for good? All of a sudden you felt sick to your stomach as a last and despairing thought crossed your mind: what if you had to witness James and Lily fall in love with each other? You felt like throwing up, so lost in your own distresses that you only noticed you had stumbled upon someone when you were both on the floor.

“Merlin’s beard, I’m so sorry!” You say whilst getting up.

“I think you forgot your head back in the tower, L/N,” Amos Diggory joked, sitting.

“I suppose I did,” you smile sheepishly at him, offering your hand to help him stand on his feet. “Again, I’m really sorry. You okay?”

“I’m fine, don’t worry,” he winks casually at you. “You don’t seem quite alright yourself on the other hand,” he adds, noticing the worried frown on your face.

“Oh, about that, I...” you start, stopping suddenly when you noticed James standing at the opposite end of the aisle, frowning at the sight of you and Diggory alone in an empty corridor, your hands still in the Hufflepuff’s. “Please just go with it, I’ll explain everything in a minute,” you whisper to Amos, as you grin widely whilst staring into his eyes and resting your wrists on the back of his neck, pretending you hadn’t seen the marauders glancing at your direction.

“Alright, I think I can carry on with whatever this is, but I have to say I’m genuinely intrigued,” he lifts a brow at you, grinning and leading his hands to your waist.

Before you could say anything else, James passes by the two of you like a hurricane, Sirius and Remus on his trail. You swore you could catch a disappointed look from Remus as they followed their friend.

“Potter seems to be in a bad mood today, doesn’t he?” Amos drags your attention back to him and you’re met by a suspicious look on his face. “I’m willing to bet you know why.”

“I really am sorry, I didn’t mean to suck you into my personal drama, I just... I don’t even know what to say,” you lean against the wall, sighing heavily.

“Try me, L/N. I’m a pretty good listener if you ask me,” he shrugs, leaning next to you. “Besides, you can trust me not to spill your secrets around,” he winks at you.

“I know you’re trustworthy, Diggory,” you smile at the thought of how much he reminded you of your late friend Cedric Diggory, who also happened to be his son. “You’re a Hufflepuff.”

He laughs genuinely at your joke. “Bring it on then, L/N.”

“Alright,” you sigh. “So, I don’t know if you can tell, but I kind of have feelings for James...”

“Yeah, I might have noticed that. And so did the entire school,” he bumps his shoulder into yours. “But go on.”

“I thought you had said you were a pretty good listener?” You raise your brows, crossing your arms in your chest.

“Sorry, please, continue,” he encourages you.

“Anyway, I do have feelings for him but I can’t act on them for a number of reasons that I can’t really talk about,” you close your eyes, resting your head on the cold wall. It felt good to take it off your chest for once, and opening up about this felt liberating.

Diggory stared at you confused. “Pardon me if I’m intruding, but I’d say your chances with the guy are pretty good. I mean, it’s quite clear that your feelings are reciprocated. For example, that day during quidditch practice when he saw the two of us talking... he did look pretty annoyed to me and today, well, you just saw what happened,” he shrugged.

“I know that he harbors feelings for me as well, and that’s the point. He can’t. We can’t have feelings for each other. I’m not his destiny and neither he is mine,” you tilt your head to your right a little so you could look at Amos.

“How can you possibly say that? We never know what tomorrow has in storage for us,” he states.

“Except that I do, and that’s exactly why I can’t encourage his feelings nor my own,” you sigh hopelessly.

“I suppose that’s the part you can’t discuss?” He smiles sympathetic at you.

“Exactly,” you frown sadly.

“How can I help you?” He asks suddenly. “Well I suppose that’s why you flirted with me a while ago, right?! You don’t strike me as the kind of girl who’d randomly throw her arms around a guy’s neck in empty hallways. Specially having told the guy in question that she has feelings for another one moments later,” he adds mockingly after seeing the confused expression on your face.

“Right,” you frown sheepishly. “I kinda told James a few days back that I was already seeing someone, right after he kissed me.”

“Wow, harsh,” he frowns playfully.

“Yeah, I know. I just didn’t know what else to do, I sort of panicked,” you shrug.

“You can count on me. But before I leave to class, I just need to ask you something. Is this secret motivation of yours really worth the trouble of sacrificing a potential relationship and a few friendships over? Think about it, L/N. See you in transfiguration in a few,” he says before disappearing into the castle, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

——————————

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