#i need my friends
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Why am I paranoid I just went to a traumatic situation where I was r worded but I attacked him poke his eyes kick the ribs and kick his groin to escape and call my friend to help me then call the police to arrest him for it and now I'm paranoid scared traumatized confused fearful and I really need my bestfriend so I can calm down and the support I TRIED MY BEST TO DEFEND MYSELF AND GET HELP BUT DO I FEEL UNLOVED UNSUPPORTED ALONE AND FEEL GUILTY SOMETHING NOT MY FAULT I JUST WANT MY FRIENDS IM CRIPPING
#i don't want to be alone#anixety#fear of abandonment#fear of loss of friends#i need my friends#overwhelmed#panic attacks#over thinking#rape#kingrubyducks is a my comfort safety bestfriend#injuries#truma#ptsd#crying#headache#in my thoughts#anxious#very upset#why am i like this#extreme depressed#fear of loss#lonely fears
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help i have trouble falling asleep
but i want it to be tomorrow and i want to be at school
and the only way to do that is to go to sleep and sleep the time away
do you see the problem here
#Riv’s stuff#struggle#insomnies#autistic insomnia#i need the people at school#like right now#or im gonna start crying#like let me talk to [name]#please#i need it#for emotional reasons#How do you form emotional connections with people#except by hanging out and the only way to do that now is to be invited#but you dont get jnvited if youre not close enough to them#do you see the problem#also theres no like general public places to hang out with a bunch of people like there used to be#bc adults hate loitering teens#and they wonder why we’re all depressed#bc we have no way to make friends#and friends are so so important at my age#you need support circles at any age#i love school bc i see people there#and bc im not at home#like i love my house but my family is something to be seen occasionally#not 66% of the time on weekdays and the entire days on weekends#i need my friends#i need frieeeends#like irl as well as yall#i love yall but i need people in my actual life too
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I constantly think about the fact I’ll be going to university next year and have a crisis every time
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i gave you away for nothing
i lost you
i’m sorry
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None of my friends have texted me back today… I wanna die 🥲 they’re the only boyfriends I have, WHO TF ELSE AM I SUPPOSE TO TALK TO?
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@cornflake2005 @everbeentospace but also my new friend @midnight-moth yall are too cool and I need to appreciate yall in person.
saying “come over” to someone who lives 92657 miles away
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#“lemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of them” .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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couldnt draw my thang for mid-autumn so treated myself to a calne redesign instead
#calne ca#hatsune miku#VOCALOID#cw: body horror#<- And I Fucking Mean That We Are Not Fucking Around Today#well we are. as in I drew this as a fuckaround treat for myself#but the body horror tag is the most warranted its ever been on this blog#ask to tag#I am as ever on my journey to make calne ca Worse. her OG version is too cool. even the crab ver is too cool#I need her to be worse to look at. I am also getting myself into to mood to test my hand at boarding a pmv for my friend's cover#I think my thought for this was ''I should try and give her a more insectoid bodyplan''#which in this mostly means gently three-part body and six limbs (my favourite amount of limbs to draw rn)#actually almost gave her eight but didnt like how that silhouette came out so I mermaided her uh. abdomen I guess#though maybe next time I do this I should push that idea more. the head and torso are still very distinct for one unified part#I feel like one of my old attempts was onto something with like. a more horizontal body plan... well! live and learn etc#happy late mid autumn I guess. I should play with touys about it... I miss model kits. mayhaps...
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My mom: rants about how she doesn't like my friends at all cuz they're a "bad influence"
Me: is the bad influence
#friend#friends#fuck off#let me live my life#i need my friends#i'm gonna love and live the rest of my life with my friends and my cat#i love my friends so much#bad influence#influential#thats me#fuck it#id rather die#than let go of my friends#seriously tho mom i have a fucking free will#im not a follower#im a leader#if me and my friends ever do something fucked up im definitely the one that suggested it#for fucks sake#i have a problem#adhd problems#autism#adhd rsd#btw#rsd is a bitch#bpd#and a whole other bunch of stuff#so if theres someone who's starting shit#its meeee#its me <3#its definitely me
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Why do I always have separation anxiety and paranoia fear and abandonment issues towards my actual good friends I love them but the bad friends damaged me and my mind I always panicking when friends don't answer in 1 or 2 more days I get scared of negative emotions friends have towards me even though they don't have those feelings to me toxic friends I had in the past and past relationship romance and past discord or Twitter friends damaged me so much I'm scared of losing my real friends so much I cry panicking
#kingrubyducks cherry-sinclair#fear of abandonment#fear of loss#fear of loss of friends#anixety#panic attacks#paranoia#crying#over thinking#overwhelmed#vent#i need my friends#i need help
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hi. what do you mean
#snufkin#I’m very sorry that your friend has decided you need pronouns.#you’re right. you don’t.#the library has OG Moomin comics for some reason they’re very tattered and deliciously smelly#and sometimes I look at them while the children are eating the other books.#you’re getting such an insight into my Saturdays we start with pickling onions at dawn and then we’re at the library seeing WHATS UP#I’m gonna pin this what a great conversation good job boys
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Listen, I love the "XL helps HC to see how beautiful he is" scenario as much as the next person... But I also see it like this.
#tgcf#tian guan ci fu#hualian#heaven official's blessing#hob#myart#hua cheng#xie lian#I have a friend who's so pretty and confident the pretty privilege automotically applies to her#I've seen people treat her differently RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME#sometimes I look at her and wonder if this how people feel when hc talks to xl#anyway I think that hc needs the bing-qiu method of “not as beautiful as you yes I love you the most” too#also this xie lian took me 3 seconds to draw but 5 mins to sketch it's an art to come up with such a stupid face you know that?#hc my pretty princess <3 I want him on his knees
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“Could L have stopped Walter White”
“Could Benoit Blanc have stopped Kira”
Blah blah blah ENOUGH. We have to ask the real questions—
Could Saul Goodman get Light off? And barring that how much would Light’s sentence be reduced?
#death note#better call saul#saul goodman#light yagami#this started a war in my friend circle so we need answers here#i think saul could do it ngl
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Charlie: “I’m so glad my most villain-coded friend is at full power again! 🥰💕”
*throws this to you angst goblins like raw steak* ❤️
(No I will not do a part 2!❤️)
#grey art#hazbin hotel comic#hazbin hotel#charlie morningstar#hazbin alastor#alastor#auntie grey needs to take a nap now Jesus Christ#I’m really happy this fixation is pushing me to do grand comic projects like this- but I’m TIRED.#😂😂😂#my theory is that alastor wants Charlie’s soul cause she’s insanely powerful or special#and she could probably take him out in one strike#but she would never do that cause she is so sweet and lovely#she’s like a gentle giant in terms of power#but she’s not stupid or childish or meek#she’s such a compassionate leader and good friend I love her so much#and then there’s alastor with his manipulative charismatic energy#I think he’ll underestimate her in the end#man i’m so tired#hazbin hotel fanart
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i don’t give a shit that he’s 6’2 i want him MOANING and WHIMPERING
#if you saw this no you didn't#me to my friends#i’m sorry but#men whimpering#have me in a CHOKEHOLD#just because you’re tall dumb and handsome doesn’t mean your above getting on your knees and whimpering#he needs to be#submisive and breedable#i hope this reaches the right people#i stg#my thoughts#text post
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I was hanging out at the karaoke bar, chatting with a beautiful woman, and we were really hitting it off. I threw a couple of flirtatious comments her way. She giggled nervously, but abruptly stopped and looked at the floor.
She told me that she was too nervous to hit on people because she's trans and worries that people will view her as a predator and that she might get hurt.
My heart sank. I let her know that she could hit on me in whatever way she wanted and I would LOVE it. We spent the rest of the night hanging out and flirting. We ended up making out. It was great.
But I can't stop thinking about how that wasn't the first time a trans woman has said that to me. About how unsafe it is for some women that they feel the need to give out fucking disclaimers to have normal interactions with people.
We have GOT to make the world a safer place for trans women. It pisses me off that there are men at the bar who are openly predatory towards me without fear of consequence, yet a trans woman is too scared to even fucking call me pretty. And that's because she IS more likely to face worse consequences for lesser things! Like what the fuck!
You need to always check on your internalized biases. Being queer yourself doesn't absolve you of transmisogynistic thoughts and behaviors. Being bi/pansexual doesn't mean you don't hold those biases either! If you feel differently about a trans woman hitting on you than you feel about a cis woman or a man hitting on you, you need to evaluate that.
Trans women, I love you so fucking much. You should be able to express attraction and love as freely as everyone else. I hope you can always feel safe around me. And I'll never stop fighting until you can feel safe period.
#her name was Kara which we joked about bc I came with my other friend named Kara and we were at the Kara-oke bar lol#i told her about how last time i was hit on at that same bar was ALSO by another woman named Kara#she said ''i need to find a man to transition right now so we can have more karas'' 🤣😭 she was so great lol#and I'm texting another friend named Kara right now😭 soon everyone will be Kara#transmisogyny tw#.bdo
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