#i need anoyher drink

[handsomegentlebutch]

Drunk at a wedding of two very dear friends and fuck. I love love. I love THEIR love. Where is my love?

I'm the only single one of my friends 😭😭😭 they're all married or engaged with very few exceptions.

Should I cheat?? Should I download a dating app before my bday? God I want to share all ybe love I have to give so badly. There's so much in my heart I want to give away to someone who reciprocates. Someone who matches my energy. Someone... my Someone. Where is my wife!!!

[solardick]

Oh no, time to endure more environmental changes instea dof growing as an individual. Go get high and see if im not harrased and conditioned with ganing nothing else to do. Cant even spend time along without being abused.

Went out almost got git by a couple cars. Oeiole being fucken retarded lately. Brush anoyher couple people. While half a dozen more or so cross my path to close proximity. All from 30 to 50 degree angles. One guy had to stop traffic cause he was making an illigal turn into the parking lot at the same time im crossing the street. Kept a slow despondent pace. Ehile they waiting in the middle of a main street. Whatever man. I dont hive a shit. I aint fucken moving out of your way.

And i dont get it man. Its just always been this way. Since the moment i opened my eyes. The world ruining me. Theres nothing to gain from it. This isnt the real world. Its something else. Transit over hellscaoe passed. Back to normal. Good luck. And enjoyement. Man i ahte life.

If it wasnt all a lie. I’d say your maturing her. .what? This again? Id rather go back to cherry. I don’t need a filter. Because she wants it. The dark side of her darkened sex. Wonder what she does without me. I wanted to fix it.

On the other note how many more years do i owe for the crime of my birth?

Guess i was supposed to go out drinking yesterday and sicken myself with a hangover with very poor quality sleep. Or some such. Changes in my brain chemistry. Again after the same experience. Probably medicated on something. Same dream. Jeckel and hide sort of deal. Fighting in keeping it under wraps. This alien mindset that doesnt belong in this world.

Up the testosterone for the youthful energy to aid in keeping me productive and well lubricated. It was easier to handle when i was younger. Thr mind has to be kept on outer accomplisment. Our the entire system seizes to work. Which has be made extremly difficult because everything is a lie.

Insecure hostle environment equals out towards immortality. Safe secure environment aims towards reproduction.

Intimidation? Is a very intimate thing.

[skinnyghosttears]

April 17, 2021

9:33 am

60,6kg. Which is fine because yesterday I was more than this, hope to se a 4 before lunch. I need to drink more water but I keep forgetting. Time to prepare stuff in the kitchen.

12:05 pm

I finished to prepare the lunch for everyone, Im pretty proud of everything I did and I just tried a pesto for my parents for being sure it tasted good.

2:11 pm

I was 60,5kg before lunch, now I feel really full but Im craving something so much and Im hating this feeling with my whole heart. At least Im happy of what I cooked. I dont want to eat anything else before dinner. Maybe I'll take a coffee.

5:30 pm

I tried one old bra (its the cutest I have but it was too small) and a top that shows...too much, but Im starting to feel confident again in it? Idk, maybe I have to wait to lose anoyher couple of kgs before but its something ig.

9:36 pm

I reached 1000kcal, I ate 3 chocolate pieces after the fake pizza (You basically use the white of eggs instead of the mixture, it tastes like an omelette obv) and Im now crying in the bathroom because I dont eat a real pizza since february and I really crave something sweet, I took a glass of coca cola zero and now I feel full in a really disgusting way, I want to weight myself but Im so scared and istg Im gonna binge tomorrow if the number on the scale will be the same or higher because Im so sad and lonely and I feel so unsatisfied after every meal...