#i need a tag for my renders now hold on.

[violamonty]

enter: a beginner's guide to faking your death

i made this comic as a joke and then um. got very very attached to this headcanon. anyways hi

[noivern]

after. way too many hours and getting stuck A Lot. and deeply unhelpful cats. finally completed the blender donut tutorial

[bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky]

Mercy Kill | Bucky Barnes x Reader

Hello! This was the fic that got the most votes in the poll I ran recently, so here it is. I'm glad yall picked this one, cause I was really excited to write it!

Also, there is something wrong and I cannot tag people properly right now for some reason. So, if you are on my tallest and happen upon this fic, I'm sorry! I don't know what the fuck is going on 😭

Word count: 10.6k

Warnings: PTSD, Hydra, blood, violence, minor reader injury, Bucky injury, angsty shit

“But if I could talk to him, if I could just see him-” you pled, “just for a minute! Please, he needs me and-”

But Bucky’s doctor remained steadfast. He crossed his arms over his chest and refused to move out of your way. Behind him sat the door to Bucky’s room, the door you hadn’t been allowed to enter for hours now. Bucky was only feet away, but you couldn’t get to him. Couldn’t check on him. Couldn’t hold his hand. 

Anxiety rendered your hands completely numb. The urgent need to see him, to take care of him, to reassure him vibrated inside your chest. Every second that passed, every second that Bucky sat alone in his room in the medbay filled you with dread. Bucky needed you. You always swore you’d be there for him no matter what. But no amount of begging could get you through that door. 

The mental image of him lying in his hospital bed all by himself threatened to make your throat close. Bucky didn’t like the medbay; his PTSD reared its ugly head each time he stepped foot in the white, sterile environment. He just couldn’t shake the feeling of impending doom, of pain and suffering and agony. And he didn’t like doctors, didn’t trust them. Not after he suffered so severely at the hands of Hydra’s “medical” team. 

Every time he required treatment after a mission, he refused. He fought and clawed against the gloved hands that tried to guide him onto a gurney. And only when you calmly and kindly begged him to allow the doctors to take a look at him did he relent. But he held you tight as a vice grip the entire time. The sensation of your hand in his was the only thing that kept him grounded, kept him from spiraling. With you there by his side, he found a sliver of safety amongst the white coats that poked and prodded him. 

Today, however, was different. 

Things didn’t go as smoothly as you or Bucky had hoped. And your many calls for backup went unanswered. It looked like this would be the last mission for you and Bucky. Like you’d return home in matching body bags.

But just as he was overwhelmed by Hydra operatives, completely swarmed and swallowed by their agents- the backup team arrived. Hope bloomed anew as you heard their leader’s voice in your comm, announcing that they’d breach the door in the next few seconds. And they did. They helped you take down every last Hydra agent, freeing Bucky from their clutches. 

But before you could rush to his bloodied side, a few members of the backup team whisked him away. They loaded Bucky onto their jet and set off toward the compound, leaving you and the rest of their team behind. No one listened to your pleas, your desperate insistence. They assured you that Bucky would be fine, that they’d get him the medical care he needed. But he needed you, too. He needed you to sit with him, to hold his hand. 

No such luck. 

As you boarded the jet that brought you and Bucky to the mission site, you kicked yourself for not demanding that you accompany him. It felt like you failed him, like you couldn’t keep your word. He deserved better from you. He deserved to have his anchor there by his side when the flashbacks gripped him by the throat. But you swore to yourself that you’d visit him in the medbay as soon as you landed. That you’d sit by his bedside and hold his hand.

But you didn’t- you couldn’t.

“Our new policy says no visitors,” Bucky’s doctor said. 

“I’ll do whatever I have to do,” you insisted. “I’ll sign forms, I’ll wear a visitor’s badge, I’ll-”

“No exceptions.”

Even if Bucky’s hearing hadn’t gotten a boost from the serum, you were certain he ‘d be able to hear you fighting with his doctor.  

“This is ridiculous- since when?”  Passersby gave you judgmental sideways looks, but you paid them no mind. “Every doctor and nurse here knows that he needs me. That he isn’t comfortable around doctors- he has PTSD. Please, I always sit with him-”

“Not anymore.” The doctor nodded at a security guard who took you gruffly by the arm and escorted you out. 

It didn’t make any sense. Every hospital allowed visitors. And even though the medbay wasn’t exactly your standard general hospital, they operated by most of the same rules. The always allowed visitors- sometimes two at a time. Their patients needed to see family and friends- needed a support system. And you were Bucky’s. But they stole you from his side for something as insignificant as a policy change.

With your hopes of being there for Bucky dashed, you pulled out your phone; the screen blurred as tears welled in your eyes. Bucky’s number sat the very top of your ‘favorites’ list, just as it had since you became friends. With a shaking hand, you pressed ‘call’ and held the phone to your ear. It rang. And rang and rang and rang. Until finally, Bucky’s voicemail answered. 

“You’ve reached James Barnes. Leave a message.”

“Hey, Buck,” you sniffled. “I guess you might be sleeping. Um, I had it out with your doctor in the hall, but he wouldn’t let me see you. Something about a-” you rolled your eyes, “a policy change or something. So, just… just let them take care of you, okay? I know how you feel about doctors, I know you’re probably scared- but you need to let them treat you. You’re safe. I promise you, you’re safe here. And you can call or text me any time- we can facetime. Whatever you need. I’ll see you when you get out, okay? Call me.”

But he didn’t. 

Without Bucky around, your world didn’t fall into place the way it was supposed to. Everything around you felt off kilter. Disjointed. Like you’d been dropped into a universe in which you didn’t belong. Part of you was used to this feeling by now. Every time Bucky went off on a mission that didn’t include you, you found yourself in this same, fragmented reality.

But this version was far worse. Because Bucky wasn’t away, he was here; he was only a few floors away from you. But you couldn’t see him. And you knew, without a shadow of a doubt, just how uncomfortable he was. How scared and alone and miserable. He was hurt- he needed rest. But you were certain he wouldn’t get a wink of sleep in the medbay. Not with his near-pathological fear of medical treatment. 

Two days passed without you taking notice. Meetings came and went without your attendance. You missed training sessions and team dinners. None of it mattered, not without Bucky. He was all you thought about. All you cared about. Every absent thought, every passing notion revolved around him. He was in good hands in the medbay, you knew he was. But you couldn’t stop yourself from worrying about him. From spiraling.

Was he getting enough sleep? Was he allowing the doctors and nurses to care for him? Was he eating? Was he having panic attacks? You found yourself afflicted by the not knowing. By the unanswered questions. On any normal day, you knew about everything going on in Bucky’s life, every thought populating his mind. But now, you were adrift in a dark see of uncertainty. 

It didn’t help that your every attempt at contact with Bucky came up empty. Hundreds of texts went unanswered. A myriad of voicemails garnered no response. He was radio silent; it made you nauseous. He should’ve been able to text back, right? To, at the very least, give your messages a thumbs up or a heart? It was out of character- completelyunheard of- for him to not answer you. 

What if he was worse off than you thought? Was he physically incapable of even using his phone? Was he comatose? Was he dying? The possibilities were endless. Nauseating. Horrifying. Each scenario you imagined was far worse than the last. Far scarier. Far deadlier. And calls to the medbay offered no insight. You urged them to give you an update on his condition, to provide you with proof of life. But they refused.

You supposed that went against their new policy, too.

The anxiety, the worry, kept you wide awake. But even if you could sleep, you wouldn’t dare. Closing your eyes brought with it the possibility that you could miss correspondence from Bucky. Or his doctor. And you weren’t going to risk it. Hell, you even brought your phone with you into the shower. Just in case. It had been two days since you last saw Bucky. Since you last heard his voice. You wouldn’t dream of missing a call from him. 

Twice a day, you cleaned and redressed the stitches holding your side closed and appraised the butterfly stitches above your brow. Everything inside of you ached to trade places with Bucky. To swap your minor injuries for his.

He’d gotten the large brunt of the onslaught when the ambush descended on the two of you. He’d drowned in a sea of Hydra operatives as they stole his weapons and beat him within an inch of his life. He was strong, yes, but he was still only one man. And taking on throngs of Hydra’s mercenaries without a single weapon was difficult- even for him. You did your best to provide support from the sidelines, to take out as many of his attackers as you could. But it wasn’t enough. Not until the backup team arrived did the horde of Hydra agents fall.

 And now, Bucky was lying in a hospital bed. Without you. 

He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve to hurt anymore. To bleed. He didn’t deserve to be in this line of work. Every other week, his assignments involved Hydra. And every other week, he was forced to retraumatize himself. Forced to see things he never wanted to see again. Forced to come face to face with people who hurt him, tortured him, treated him like an object.

For him, you wished nothing but ease. Warmth. A soft, slow life filled with love and gentle hands and safety. He never should’ve been forced to continue this kind of work. To put himself in harm’s way. To sacrifice his mental health over and over again. Hadn’t he given enough? Hadn’t he suffered enough? He did everything he could to build back his body and mind. To recover from the horrors he endured. And yet, here he was, being forced to risk his progress and peace of mind, all for a world that hated him.

On the third day of Bucky’s absence, your body begged for sleep. For a respite from the worry. For a meal that didn’t consist of Doritos and Gatorade. But you didn’t have the energy or the attention required to assemble a decent lunch. When Bucky got out of the medbay, you told yourself, the two of you would have a nice dinner together. You’d share his bed with him as you often did. And you’d both find solace in the arms of the other.

“I’m guessing we’re not going to spin class?” 

Nat’s voice yanked you out of your spiral, scaring you half to death. She leaned against the wall nearest your bed, her arms crossed over her chest. How long had she been standing there?

Nat took in the scene before her. You laid sprawled out on your bed, resembling roadkill. Your head rested where your feet should’ve been, and your feet leaned against the headboard. Your arms were stretched wide against the bedspread like a dead starfish. And your gaze rested firmly on your phone, as though you were waiting for a call.

“What?” You eyed her for a moment before dropping your head back to your mattress. “I forgot about that. Sorry.”

“You need to get out of this room,” Nat gave your shoulder a gentle shake. “And you need to stop moping. Your life can’t come to a screeching halt because Bucky’s hurt.”

“I know…” But Bucky was your life- or at least, a very, very big part of it. 

She was right, though. You knew she was right. 

But it wasn’t just that he was hurt. It wasn’t just that he was alone. Of course, those were both massive, contributing factors. But it was the missing him. It was the not seeing him, the not talking to him. The not knowing if he was scared and panicked and lonely. The two of you were inseparable; being without him felt like losing a part of yourself. Like half of your heart was missing. 

An unsettling cold seemed to worm its way under your skin without Bucky around. The world was a darker, utterly freezing place. No number of sweatshirts or blankets could keep the chill from biting at your skin. No heating pad could stop the frequent shivers. Somehow, your insides fell to subzero, Siberian temperatures. But after a while, you didn’t care anymore. You stopped trying to rid your body of the piercing, bitter cold. Only Bucky could do that. And he wasn’t coming back to you any time soon.

“It just sucks,” you groaned. A small shiver rocketed up your spine.

“I know. But it’s not like he’s dead.”

“I’m talking about the whole policy change thing in the medbay. It’s bullshit. Bucky needs me,” you let out a frustrated huff. “I mean, when did they put that in place? And why? It doesn’t even make sense.”

Nat furrowed her brow, “policy change?”

“Yeah, the new rule that doesn’t allow any visitors,” 

“Oh. Right. That.” Nat threw her gaze to the window. Cleared her throat. “Well, I don’t know why they’d do that. But yeah, it sucks. Anyway,” she took a seat on your bed, “if you get changed, we can still make it to cycle. Maybe it’ll make you feel better?”

You shook your head against the mattress. “You should go without me. I haven’t slept at all the last few nights- I barely have the energy to breathe. I can’t even fathom taking a spin class right now.” 

It was the truth. You didn’t have it in you to spend an hour burning calories you desperately needed. To waste your limited energy on something so trivial. But if you were completely honest with Nat, you’d tell her that the class would force you to focus on something other than your phone. And if you missed a call or text from Bucky because of something as stupid as a workout class, you’d lose your mind.

“Okay, that’s fine,” Nat sighed. “We can-”

“Hey!” Hill leaned against your doorframe, dressed in her workout clothes. “Are you guys ready for class?”

Nat stood and took a few steps in maria’s direction. “Well, I am. But she’s not coming with us.”

A frown pulled Maria’s features downward, “What? Why not?”

“She wants to stay here and wallow about Barnes,” Nat told her. 

“They’re not letting me visit him in the medbay,” you groaned in Maria’s direction. “And I haven’t heard from him at all. So, I’m just-”

Confusion pulled Maria’s brows together. “But he got out of the medbay,” she said. “Yesterday.”

The energy you claimed not to have sprung forth all at once. In a matter of seconds, you were standing upright and crossing the room toward Maria; the quick nature of it all made you a little dizzy. 

“What do you mean he got out?”

She was shocked by your intensity, “Um, I mean, he was released-”

“Released to where?” you demanded. “Like, they transferred him to another hospital? Or-”

“No, released as in discharged,” she said. “They let him leave around six-thirty last night.”

Last night? If Bucky was released last night, why hadn’t he called? Why hadn’t he sent you a text or dropped by your room? Was he that depleted? That worse for wear? The suffocating worry rushed back in full force. But you didn’t care about the crushing weight on your chest or the restriction of your windpipe. Bucky was back. He was healed enough to be released. And he was right down the hall.

Before Nat and Maria could stop you, you took off like a bat out of hell. Clumsy steps carried you down the hall and sent you careening into passersby every few feet. They mumbled curses under their breath and told you watch where you were going, but you didn’t have it in you to care. Stopping wasn’t an option, not when Bucky was finally within reach once again.

As you screeched to a halt outside his door, you raised your fist to knock frantically against the wood. But before your knuckles could strike the door’s surface, you recoiled. There was a very substantial possibility that he was sleeping. He was hurt, after all. And he needed his rest. Instead of a boisterous, borderline-obnoxious knock, you opted to lightly tap the wood with your knuckles. If Bucky was awake, he’d hear it. 

But no answer came. After a few moments, you gave the door another gentle knock. Again, nothing. If he was asleep, there was no telling when you’d see him. He could be asleep for half the day, and you’d have to wait as long to reunite with him. Would it be too pushy to just let yourself in? Bucky was used to it by now- you both were. If one of you was already asleep, the other would often let themselves in and crawl into bed. It was just what you did; it was commonplace within your friendship. 

And though you didn’t want to disturb him, your selfish side won out. Your hand found the doorknob and gave it a slow turn- but it didn’t fully give way. It stopped after twisting only a few millimeters. Locked. 

“He needs to rest,” Nat called from down the hall. “I don’t think you should bother him- just let him sleep it off.”

Again, she was right.  

And so, with slumped shoulders and shattered hopes, you dragged yourself back to your room. Once you’d collapsed onto your bed, you snagged your phone from its resting place and fired off a few quick messages to Bucky.

“Hey, Hill said they released you from the medbay!”

“I just dropped by your room but got no answer. Call me when you wake up :)”

“I don’t wanna disturb you or anything, but I miss you, Buck.”

The hours inched by with no response from Bucky. You did your best to avoid staring at your phone, reminding yourself that a watched pot never boils. But you couldn’t help yourself. Every few seconds, you had to sneak a peek at the screen in search of Bucky’s name. And every time, you found yourself disappointed. Broken-hearted, really. 

Of course, this wasn’t the longest you’d ever gone without seeing Bucky. Many past missions stole him from your side for weeks at a time- sometimes even months. But the complete and utter lack of communication was new. No matter how dangerous a mission got, not matter how risky it was- you both still found a way to contact the other. Whether it was a short “I’m okay” text or a seconds-long phone call, a quick correspondence from the battlefield provided a reassurance that was desperately, desperately needed.

Sitting at home while your best friend faced life-threatening danger was never easy. When Bucky was away, you tore off every fingernail, biting them down until they bled. And anytime it was you on the frontlines while Bucky rode the bench, he started climbing the walls; he didn’t sleep, didn’t eat, until you got home. 

The two of you simply weren’t meant to be apart.

Without those reassuring texts, you felt yourself losing your mind. You did your best to hook your nails in, to fight and claw to retain your grip on your sanity. But you didn’t have it in you. And so, your nails fell by the wayside. In only a matter of minutes, your fingers were reduced to a bloody horror scene. Every cuticle was in tatters, every quick exposed. Your hands throbbed and stung, but you didn’t care. It didn’t matter. 

Four more days passed without word from Bucky. You texted. You knocked on his door. You called. You even slipped a note or two under his door. And still, nothing.

The worry slowly devoured you, one piece at a time. With your sanity long gone and your optimism dashed, nothing remained but pure, undiluted panic. And though you already decimated your nails, you gnawed at them anyway, digging your teeth into any free piece of flesh you could find. You wondered if this was how things were going to be forever. Would Bucky ever return to you? Or would you always feel this empty, aching void? 

On the seventh night without Bucky, you didn’t have it in you to even lay on your bed. You knew it would take what little life you had left to heave yourself up onto the mattress. And the effort simply wasn’t worth it. Had there ever before been anyone this pathetic? This broken and utterly hopeless? 

“What are you doing?” Nat loomed over you, taking in the scene. She found you lying face down on your bedroom floor, utterly despondent. “You didn’t want to lay in your bed? It’s almost midnight, you should-”

“I still haven’t heard from him,” you muttered into the carpet. “Why haven’t I heard from him?’

Nat knelt down next to you and gave your shoulder a tug, rolling you onto your back. 

“Hi,” she gave you a wave.

“Hi.” You didn’t wave back- you didn’t have the energy.

Nat gave you a long look. She noted your messy hair, your limp body, the dark circles under your eyes. “I’m not trying to be a dick here, but you don’t look so good.” 

“I don’t feel so good, either,” you shrugged. “I think I might be dying.”

Nat eyed you with pity. She knew how deeply you cared about Bucky. How much he meant to you. And she knew just how hard you were taking his injury and subsequent absence. For the past week, she hadn’t seen you eat anything other than a few chips here and there. She knew for certain you hadn’t gotten even a wink of sleep. And the bloody splotches where your nails used to be sent up a litany of red flags. 

“I’m so… I’m so worried about him, Nat,” tears trailed down your face. “This is so unlike him- we never go this long without speaking.”

Nat stoked your arm a bit, “I know.”

“What if he’s not okay? He could be dying, and we wouldn’t have any idea.”

She gave your hand a squeeze, “Come on, don’t think like that. I’m sure he’s alright-”

You shook your head, “I keep calling down to the medbay. I keep telling them that there’s something wrong- that they need to check on Bucky. But his doctor is…” you gave a frustrated huff. “He’s being weird. It’s like he’s being evasive, or something. I don’t know why he isn’t more worried- I don’t have any idea what’s going on.”

Nat let out a long, heavy sigh. She squeezed her eyes shut and pinched the bridge of her nose for a long moment. This was the moment she’d hoped to avoid, the moment she dreaded all week. 

“Alright, um, I wasn’t supposed to say anything- I wasn’t supposed to tell you this. But…” She gave you another long, sympathetic look. “You’re very obviously not okay. And I think that, if I don’t tell you the truth, you might actually die-”

Suddenly, you bolted upright. “Tell me what?”

“Bucky’s fine.”

Your shoulder’s slumped forward and you ran a hand down your face. Nat had no proof to back up her claim. No evidence. “But how do you know-”

“Because I’ve gone to see him,” Nat said, just above a whisper. “Multiple times.”

The world came to a screeching halt. Nat was allowed to see him? But you weren’t? Of course, Nat and Bucky were friends. But they weren’t nearly as close and you and Bucky- hell, you didn’t think anyone had ever been as close as you and Bucky.  

Nat continued. “He’s a little banged up, but he’s alright. He’s just been hanging out in his room. Reading. Watching tv. That kind of stuff.”

The confirmation that Bucky was, in fact, okay helped you breathe a little easier. The pounding headache pulsating behind your eyes relented a bit, the knots in your stomach loosened ever so slightly. But you didn’t find ease. Not yet. 

“But why didn’t he-”

Nat didn’t want to say it. She didn’t wanna tear you apart and burn your world. She didn’t want to be your personal messenger of destruction. But one look at you and your pitiful, heartbroken form gave her the resolve to be honest. You deserved honesty. 

“Because he’s mad at you.”

It was the most preposterous thing Nat could’ve said. Not once over the course of your entire friendship had Bucky ever been mad at you. Sure, he pretended to be mad when you snuck a bite of his dessert or beat him at cards. But he never got mad at you for real. 

But, you told yourself, there’s a first time for everything. 

You knew you were capable of fucking up. Of committing transgressions against others. But for the life of you, you couldn’t think of a single thing that would make Bucky angry enough to completely ignore you like this. You racked your brain, shaking loose its contents in search of anything that might warrant the coldest shoulder you’d ever experienced. But you found nothing. 

It didn’t matter, though. If Bucky felt slighted, if he felt like you hurt him in some way- who were you to say that you hadn’t? Who were you to claim innocence?

“What? Why?” You looked to Nat for help. “What did I do?”

“Something about a broken promise,” Nat shrugged. “But that’s all I’ll say. This isn’t any of my business. And I-”

A long silence filled the room as you thought about this new revelation. Nat’s words allowed you to look back on the past week with a new perspective. You saw things in a new light, a new context.

“So, there wasn’t a policy change-”

Nat gave a somber shake of her head. “He just… he didn’t want to see you.”

And just like that, Nat gutted you. You could’ve sworn she ripped out your still-beating heart with her bare hands and splattered the carpet with your blood. 

He didn’t want to see you.

He didn’t want to see you.

The words reverberated inside your inside your skull. Their razor-sharp edges sliced into you time and time again, leaving you breathless and aching. Over the course of the last week, you thought you’d reached the deepest pit of despair, the darkest possible recesses of agony. But you were wrong. There were deeper and darker, more excruciating places- and you found yourself in the depths of the most miserable, agonizing one of all.

“I was able to visit him in the medbay. So was Sam,” she told you. “He wasn’t all alone like you thought. He had us there with him to make sure he was doing okay. I mean he still struggled- you’re definitely better at giving him peace of mind than I am- but…” 

Nat gave a shake of her head, clearing from her mind the image of Bucky having a massive panic attack in the medbay. His raspy inhales, his shaking hands, his wide, vacant eyes. Flashbacks plagued him each and every day down in the medbay. Medication didn’t touch his violent, soul-crushing episodes of PTSD. And Sam and Nat found themselves at a loss. 

They did their best to be there for him, to help him find ease and comfort. But there was something missing. And that something was you. Nat even suggested to Sam that they sneak you into Bucky’s room. She proposed that, just maybe, Bucky’s need for your reassurances would outweigh his anger. And maybe upon seeing you, he’d drop his grievances and allow you to help him wade through the dark, choppy waters. 

But super soldier senses be damned, Bucky overheard her idea; he vetoed it immediately.

“And his doctor seemed so unconcerned on the phone because he knows that Bucky’s fine- he checks on Bucky every day.” Nat let out a sigh of relief, as though she’d been holding her breath for days. “So, at the very least, you know Bucky’s okay. And now, you kind of know what’s going on. Do you want me to-”

Nat didn’t get to finish her sentence. Or maybe she did. You weren’t sure. Because before she could get the rest of the words out, you were gone. The panic coursing through your veins reinvigorated your depleted body, carrying you frantically in the direction of Bucky’s room. 

Your knuckles struck his door before your feet came to a stop. 

“Buck. Buck, it’s me-” you pounded on his door. “Can we please talk? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Silence. 

Your knuckles stung against the wood, but you paid them no mind. “Please! I just want to- please, let me apologize.” 

No answer. 

“Buck, I’m…” Tears flowed freely down your cheeks. Your lungs burned from lack of oxygen. A crushing ache settled into every fiber of your being. And your strong knocks deflated into weak, pitiful pats. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so…”

He wasn’t going to answer. You knew he wasn’t. But some part of you didn’t want to accept it. Didn’t want to acknowledge that you’d lost Bucky- possibly forever. A tidal wave of weakness launched itself at you, robbing your body of the faux strength granted by the adrenaline. 

Your hands found purchase against the opposite wall and guided you clumsily to the floor. With your back propped against the wall and your knees tucked into your chest, you stared at Bucky’s door. Waiting. He couldn’t stay in his room forever. Eventually, he’d have to return to work or visit the kitchen. And when he did, you’d be ready.

Because no matter how grim it all seemed-no matter how soul-crushingly hopeless your situation- you had to try. Bucky was worth it. Your friendship was worth it. Of course, if he told you to fuck off and never speak to him again, it would hurt. It would destroy you. But at least you’d never have to wonder. If you didn’t try, the not-knowing, the what-ifs wouldn’t haunt you in the middle of the night. 

You didn’t care if the odds were egregiously stacked against you. If there was any chance at reconciliation, you were going to do everything in your power to make it happen. 

It didn’t matter if you had to wait hours, days, weeks- you’d be there. You’d sleep in the hall, eat in the hall. Whatever it took. You’d wait a lifetime. 

Lucky for you, a lifetime wasn’t required. Because after only four and a half hours, Bucky’s door opened. And for the first time in a week, you caught a glimpse of your best friend.

He was unshaven, his facial hair a little longer than normal. The gash on his forehead was almost completely healed. And the bruises that used to stain his cheek and jaw were nowhere to be seen. The knuckles of his right hand, though, retained their dark purples and inky blues. And the skin under his eyes matched; you knew instantly he hadn’t been sleeping. 

But he looked so good, so beautiful. They way his hair fell in his eyes. The worn sweatshirt- the sweatshirt you gave him. Had he always been this perfect? This breathtaking? Of course, he had. It was stupid of you to even ask.

Seeing him again was like being saved from drowning. Like the first gulp of air after being swept away by a rogue riptide. Your lungs filled to capacity for the first time in a week. Your muscles released their hardened knots. And the ever-encroaching sense of biting cold vanished. In its place grew the warmest, most comforting summer. 

Somehow, he didn’t even notice you sitting across hall. You knew he must’ve thought he’d waited you out. That you were long gone by now. But he clearly underestimated your stubbornness. Your determination. Your love for him. 

The door was only open wide enough to allow him to place a tray of used dishes on the floor. And in the few seconds it took for him to do so, you launched into action.

“Hey!”

Bucky’s head snapped up. He locked eyes with you for a moment. And in that moment, you could’ve sworn he looked happy to see you. Relieved to see you. 

His momentary pause gave you just enough time to rush to his door. You placed your hand along the frame, curling your fingers inside the jamb. If Bucky wanted to slam the door and shut you out, he’d have to crush your hand in the process. And no matter how angry he was with you, he’d never hurt you. 

He let out an exasperated huff at the site of your strategically place hand. This was exactly the kind of thing he used to applaud you for. The quick wit and sharp thinking that he so admired about you. 

“Buck, can we please talk?” you pled. “Whatever I did, whatever promise I broke-”

A sigh deflated his chest, “You talked to Nat.”

“I’m sorry, Buck. I’m so sorry,” the words fell frantically, wildly out of your mouth. “I’ve never been sorrier in my life. I’d never, ever want to hurt you-”

“That’s the problem.”

He said it so matter-of-factly, as though it made perfect sense. As though it made any sense at all.

You wiped a few stray tears from your cheek, “What does that mean?”

With a huff, Bucky encircled your wrist with his fingers and pulled you inside. He didn’t like the looks the passersby shot your direction. The way they ogled and whispered as though witnessing a car wreck on the highway. 

Finally, after the longest week of your life, Bucky granted you entry to your favorite place. He did so begrudgingly, but you didn’t care. This room felt more like home than anywhere else in the world. It wasn’t the furnishings or the design that you loved so much; both were rather sparse. It was the memories. The countless nights spent watching movies in Bucky’s bed. The laughter, the tears, the deep heart to heart talks. 

When Bucky first moved in, he didn’t leave this room for quite some time- not even for meals. And that was how you first got him to trust you. Every day, you gently knocked on his door and delivered breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, and snacks. It was your way of welcoming him to the building, of making him feel comfortable in a new place with new people. And of course, you couldn’t let the soft-spoken man with the kind blue eyes starve to death.

It took him weeks- maybe months- to finally invite you in. And once he finally did, all bets were off. The two of you became inseparable from that moment on, spending nearly every night in this room, seeking the comforts of one another.

But this moment was nothing like those of the past. This was awkward. Cold. Quiet. The tension hanging in the air grew so thick, so heavy that you wondered if your lungs might actually collapse.  You waited for Bucky to speak first. And waited. And waited. And waited. But he didn’t say a word. He simply leaned against the wall, avoiding your eyeline. 

Finally, the uncomfortable, permeating silence pushed you to speak.

“I’m- I don’t understand what’s going on. I just know that I fucked up somehow. And I know-” you rolled your eyes at yourself. “I know I said this a million times already, but I’m sorry. Whatever I can do to fix this and make it up to you, I’ll do it. I’ll do anything.”

Bucky considered your words for a while, letting the silence drag on as he mulled over your sentiment. He knew you were serious, knew you meant what you said. But it was too late.

“You made me a promise,” he said. “And you broke it.” 

Truth be told, you’d made him a lot of promises over the course of your friendship. Promises to give him the pickle spear that came with your sandwich at the deli. To watch all of Game of Thrones with him without spoiling anything. To listen, to be open-minded, to never judge him for his past. You promised to always be there when the nightmares tore him to shreds and to be honest with him when he needed to hear the truth. You promised to be kind to him, to protect him. To remind him of his goodness when his demons called him a monster.

And above all else, you promised to never, ever hurt him. You took these promises upon yourself without Bucky even asking. And as far as you knew, you’d kept them all. 

“Which promise? I don’t-”

“What’s my worst fear?” Bucky asked. His tone calm, like he was asking you trivia questions about himself.  “The thing that scares me more than anything else? The thing that keeps me up at night and makes me sick to my stomach every time I think about it?”

And without skipping a beat, you answered, “Being taken by Hydra again.”

Your eyes opened wide. It was then that the puzzle pieces fell into place. 

A guttural sound burst from your lips. It was haunted and broken, like a wounded animal’s final cry of pain before surrender. It ripped through the room and echoed off the walls; Bucky flinched as the sound barreled into him. Your nose burned, warning you of oncoming tears. Both of your hands clapped firmly over your mouth in an attempt to muffle the sounds of sorrow and shame. The attempt was unsuccessful.

And the deepest, darkest pit of guilt opened inside your stomach. 

The promise. That promise.

“When I told you about that fear- my greatest fear,” Bucky continued. “I asked you to make me a promise. Do you-” his voice wavered ever so slightly. He did his damnedest to fight it, to build a blockade against the oncoming emotion. But his eyes grew glassy with tears, anyway. “Do you remember what that promise was?” 

Even with his enhanced senses, Bucky struggled to hear your thin, hollow whisper.

“That I’d kill you…” you rasped. “If you were ever at risk of being taken by Hydra again, I’d kill you.”

The memory of your latest mission with Bucky barreled into you like a train. 

He was overwhelmed- buried- by the deluge of Hydra operatives. They came at him from every possible angle, swarming him before he even had a chance to react. Even with his super-human strength, he was no match for the volume, the sheer barrage of assailants. Seconds after they descended upon him, his weapons were lost, ripped from his hands and thrown far out of reach. He didn’t have enough room to breathe, let alone fight. Knives plunged into his flesh, setting loose a river of crimson. And heavy batons pummeled his face and head, leaving him dizzy. No matter how hard he tried to resist, he felt them pulling him, dragging him toward a doorway. Toward an unknown, and certainly horrific, fate. But through it all, he managed to call to you- to scream to you- one phrase. 

“Do it!” he begged. “Do it! DO IT!” 

The pain, the sheer terror in his voice, sent a flurry of goosebumps rushing over your skin. The head trauma you received only moments before left you dazed, and the knife wound in your side made breathing almost impossible. Blood oozed down the side of your face and painted your vision red. But you found the wherewithal to aim and shoot- at everyone except Bucky.

“Oh, Buck, I’m…” you stumbled back a few paces, the sheer weight of your guilt knocking you off balance. Your back crashed against the nearest wall with a thud. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” Hot bile rose in the back of your throat, saliva coated the inside of your mouth. You forced greedy inhales through your nose, hoping to stave off the nausea. “I don’t know what to say…”

Bucky didn’t say a word. He didn’t move. You wondered if he was even breathing. He just stood there with a broken, tormented look on his face. He didn’t allow himself to blink, didn’t allow the tears gathering along his lash line to fall. He simply curled his metal fingers into a tight fist before spreading them wide again. Over and over and over again. It was a subconscious act, an anxious tendency he often displayed when his mind grew dark and uninhabitable. And, more often than not, it was your cue to step in. To rush to his side and save him from the torment. 

But you didn’t. You couldn’t. You were the last person he wanted to see- he’d made that abundantly clear. And even if he wanted to you hold his hand as you always did, you couldn’t move. The guilt weighed you down, turning your feet into blocks of cement.

“I know- I know I said that I’d do it, but I…” A fresh wave of tears crested over your lash line and flooded your cheeks. “I couldn’t.”

“You promised,” Bucky’s voice was so anguished, so despondent. “You swore to me that you could- that you would.”

“The backup team was in my ear,” your words dripped with deperation. “I heard them in my comm- I knew they were there, I knew they were only a few feet away-”

“But I didn’t!” he erupted. “My comm fell out- I had no idea they were there! I thought-” His voice splintered; his rage shattered, setting free a tsunami of despair. “I thought I was going back!” 

And finally, his tears broke through. They saturated his skin in seconds as they rolled down his cheeks and dripped into his beard. Shivers rippled up and down his body. Goosebumps covered his skin. The hair at the nape of his neck stood on end. Just the thought of being dragged back to Hydra doused him in a cold sweat.

His shaking hand swiped at the tear tracks dripping down his cheeks. He would’ve given anything for a hug from you. For your reassuring, comforting words. But he couldn’t find it in him to ask. Couldn’t find it in him to allow you so close. And so, he forced the tightness in his chest to relent, to accept the voracious inhales he pulled into his lungs. He couldn’t surrender to the panic attack looming on the horizon- not yet.

It was confusing, his need to touch you. His craving for your comforts. You’d betrayed him, hadn’t you? You’d broken your promise to him and almost fed him to Hydra’s meat grinder. But it wasn’t that black and white- he wasn’t sure it ever was. No, this situation lived deep in a gray area, never giving Bucky a cut and dry solution. And deep down, he knew it. He knew you never would have allowed him to be taken. He knew you had your reasons for leaving him alive. But anger was easier. Betrayal was easier. 

“I’m sorry, Buck. I know- I know for sure it’s not enough”, the shame dragged your eyes down to the floor. “But I’m so sorry.” 

What could you do, what could you possibly say to fix this? Nothing could ever make it okay. Nothing could ever heal what you did- or didn’t do.

“It was… it was selfish of me,” you admitted. “I just hoped you could hang on for a few more seconds until backup came in. Cause I- I wanted you to come home with me. That’s all I could think about. Just getting you home safe. I didn’t even consider k-” You couldn’t bring yourself to say the word. “Doing that to you. But it’s- I was wrong. I made you a promise. And I broke it. And if you ended up back at Hydra,” you took a deep breath. The truth was ugly, hard to swallow. It poked at your throat like a mouthful of push pins. “If you ended up back at Hydra, it would be my fault.”

Only silence followed. 

Bucky hated the heartbreak in your voice, the tears streaming down your face. He hated seeing you in pain. The urge to wrap you in a bearhug yanked at his muscles, desperately trying to drag him in your direction. But he couldn’t, could he? He was mad at you- he was supposed to be mad at you. Once again, the strange, conflicting emotions needled at him. All week long, he forced the gray area behind a wall and chose, instead, to live in the black and white. To lean into anger. To side with the demons calling you a traitor and a liar. 

But now that you were finally here, standing in front of him, the voices quieted. It was just the two of you, together. You weren’t the villain he’d painted you to be. You weren’t heartless. You weren’t evil. Hell, this whole thing would’ve been a lot easier if you were. And jus like that, Bucky found himself smack dab in the middle of the gray area he tried so desperately to fight.

“I understand why you’re mad, Buck. It’s-”

“I’m not. I- I was mad. Now, I’m just,,,” he gave a shake of his head. “I don’t know. There’s a lot going on inside my head.”

“I get it. And if you don’t,” you cleared your throat, fighting against the words that tasted so vile. “If you don’t want to be friends anymore, I get that, too. This was a- a really major breach of your trust. We always say that we have each other’s backs, but I didn’t…” You used the collar of your sweatshirt to wipe the tears running down your neck. “I didn’t have yours. So, if you want to be done with me after this, I-”

Bucky’s heart leapt into his throat. “No, that’s not what I want. I don’t want to cut you out of my life. I’m-” He gave a frustrated huff. “I’m just- I’m confused. Cause I genuinely wanted you to shoot me in the head back there. I wanted you to mercy kill me.” 

The words tore through you.

“But now,” Bucky raked a hand through his hair, “I’m glad you didn’t. Because everything turned out okay. And I’m here. With you. But I…” He dragged a shaky breath into his lungs. “I almost wasn’t. I was almost there. With them. Again.”

All you could do was nod. What were you supposed to say to that? Nothing you had to offer could assuage his deep-seated, stomach-turning terror. You could never understand what he went through. Could never imagine the horrors. And it never even crossed your mind to put a contingency plan in place for yourself. To ask your closest friend to kill you in order to save you. You’d never understand that level of desperation. 

“I don’t care about dying,” he shrugged. “I’m not scared of death anymore. I wished for- I prayed for death when I was-” he cleared his throat. “When I was there. I would’ve welcomed it.”

The mental image nearly brought you to your knees.

“I’m just scared of being their prisoner again. I’m scared of the torture, and the blood, and the-the…” His breathing grew shallow and erratic. His voice faltered. “The way they fucked with my mind.” Anxious tremors rendered his hands unsteady. And his attempts to wipe away the tears fell short. “And the killing, and the pain, and the-”

He was losing his battle against the fear. Against the spiral. It grabbed him by the ankles and yanked him downward, plunging him the darkest, most hopeless recesses of his mind. He found himself lost, adrift in the deepest, most sinister sea. The ice-cold waves crested over him endlessly, nearly drowning him with each thin breath he took.

But the sensation of your hand in his dragged him to shore. With the warmth of your touch, he found his way back. He returned to his body. He always knew you were his saving grace, his life preserver. 

But holding Bucky’s hand didn’t feel quite right. Not after what you did. Especially because, deep down, you knew this was partly selfish. Knew that you enjoyed the feeling of his fingers braided with yours. But who were you to relish in it? Who were you to make this about you, and your needs? 

And so, when he finally found his way back to the present, when he finally breathed evenly, you freed his hand from yours and gave him his space. 

“Thanks for that…” he ran a hand down his face, still recovering from his trip to hell. Still needing you. 

“Yeah. Of course- anytime.” You already missed his touch. But you refused to reach for him again- not unless he needed it. You pulled your sleeves over your hands and balled them into fists.

“I just- I’m never going back there. I can’t,” he said after a while. “And I get it- you didn’t want to kill me. I wouldn’t want to kill you, either. But I’d choose a bullet between the eyes over being their chew toy. Every single time. Cause it’s…” he absentmindedly let his hand drift to his face, to the scar the sat atop his cheek bone. The scar left behind by the device they used to wipe his mind over and over and over. “It’s worse than death.”

The vitriol burning in your chest smoldered and scalded your soul. You’d never hated anyone- never detested anyone- as much as you hated yourself. You were supposed to protect Bucky. You were supposed to be there for him. You were supposed to be the person he could trust no matter what. But you failed him. He was completely terrified. Retraumatized. All because of you.

Bucky rubbed at a hard, tense knot in his shoulder, “But you’re my best friend, and-”

“Exactly,” you scoffed. “You should be able to trust me. But you can’t. Cause I’m selfish.”

“I do trust you,” he said, almost immediately. There was something in his voice- offense, maybe? Like he took your self-flagellation personally. “You’re smart. You- you knew back up was down the hall. You knew I’d be okay. And now that I’m home, I know you made the right call. I was-” He pulled his vibranium hand into a right fist. “I was just really scared, you know?”

He flashed back to the moment the Hydra agents descended. To the moment the encapsulated him completely. He couldn’t fight, couldn’t move, couldn’t think. Bodies swarmed his vision. Voices deafened him. And the coppery smell of blood- his blood- filled his nostrils. He felt his boots sliding across the concrete floor. And deep down, he knew they planned to drag him out. To make him theirs once again. 

He shook his head, clearing the image from his mind.

“Um, what I was going to say,” he continued, “is that you’re my best friend, and I shouldn’t have iced you out. I shouldn’t have lied to you- I shouldn’t have made Nat lie to you.” He gave a heavy, remorseful sigh, “I should’ve talked to you. You deserved better from me.”

“No- no, you deserved better from me.” You couldn’t believe his ridiculous sentiment. “You shouldn’t be apologizing- you honestly should’ve kicked my ass for this.” 

If he’d wanted to hurt you, to make you bleed, to show you even a fraction of the pain Hydra put him through, you’d let him. He deserved some revenge, some retribution, against you. And if he wanted to act on it, you wouldn’t fight back. You’d sit perfectly still and quiet, allowing him to beat you black and blue. To drag a knife through your flesh. To break your bones and steal your will to live. 

But you knew he’d never do anything like that- and he’d never want to. He wouldn’t even slam your fingers in the door.

“I never want you to be scared like that ever again, Buck. I never want you to go through something like that- I should’ve…” Saying it didn’t seem right. The words had razor sharp edges that carved into your throat as you spoke. “I should’ve done what you asked. And if this ever happens again,” You paused, banishing the oncoming flood of emotion. “I’ll do- I’ll do what you asked me to do. What I promised you I’d do.”

The words kicked the floodgates wide open. Another wounded, rasping sound escaped from your throat. And the sheer volume of tears threatened to drown you. Promising to end Bucky’s life was hard, but something about this second round was worse. More painful, somehow. A weak, wobbling sensation made your knees unsteady. And your face fell into your hands. 

But Bucky was at your side in the blink of an eye. He rested his hands on your shoulder, unsure of how much physical contact to make after a week of silence and hurt. He let his thumbs sweep over your clavicles every few seconds, waiting for the storm to pass. And when the clouds finally parted, he gently pulled your palms from your face. 

He cradled one of your hands in both of his, ensuring that you couldn’t slip away this time. “I’m not asking that of you anymore- I can’t ask that of you.” He freed one of his hands for only a moment, and only to angle your chin upward. He needed your eyes to meet his, needed you to know that he was serious. “It’s not fair for me to put you in that position.”

“No, Buck, it’s- it’s fine,” your voice wavered. “I can-”

“I’ve been thinking a lot over the last week,” he shrugged, “cause I- I haven’t been sleeping…”

Of course, he hadn’t been sleeping. Of course, the nightmares returned in full force. He’d worked so hard to correct his sleep schedule, to find a way to get the rest he needed. It just so happened that the cure-all to his sleep-related woes was you. He trusted you. Knew he was safe with you. He felt at home with you. Sleep came easy with you by his side. 

But his recent assault by Hydra’s forces left him almost irreparably shaken. And his misguided anger pushed you from his side. Together, it was a recipe for sleepless, tormented nights full of flashbacks and panic attacks.

“I realized that I never should’ve put that on you- I never should’ve asked you to make me that stupid promise.” Bucky wanted to go back in time and throttle his past self. “And I shouldn’t have been mad at you. But I- I had a lot going on, you know?” He squeezed your hand tighter, as though searching for an anchor. “All of my old wounds were ripped open again and I was so fucking miserable and scared and…” He wasn’t proud of how he’d treated you. Wasn’t proud of the way he handled things. And though he was working hard in his therapy sessions, his coping mechanisms were still scant. “I needed to feel something other than fear. So, I chose anger. And I directed it at you.”  

“And that’s perfectly fine.” You tried to take a step in the opposite direction, to put some space between the two of you. You didn’t deserve to have him so close, to hold his hand. But he held firm. He wasn’t going to release your hand- not now, maybe not ever. “You asked me to make a promise- a big, important promise- and I broke it. You’re allowed to be upset with me-”

“But it wasn’t fair to you- none of this was fair to you.” He kicked himself for ever asking you for something so heavy. So burdensome. “I can’t imagine what it was like for you to make that promise. The way it must’ve hung over your head. If you asked that of me, I’d…” He squeezed your hand a little tighter, “It would eat me alive.”

And he was right- it had. 

Promising to kill him, in turn, killed you. It devoured you from the inside out, feasting on every moment of joy, every restful Sunday, every waking moment. Your promise to him came with sharp, jagged teeth that dug into your soul day in and day out. And while Bucky found peace in knowing that you may end his life one day, it brought you nothing but pain. Torture. Endless heartache. The darkest, heaviest storm clouds sat just above your head, shielding you from all sunlight, all warmth. 

While Bucky slept soundly next to you each night, you laid awake, wondering when it would happen. If it would happen. How it would happen. Your appetite vanished. Your stomach tied itself into knots. And on more than one occasion, your doctor had to increase the dosage of your anxiety medication. Because no matter how many pills you popped, the weight of your promise sat on your chest like lead.

Each time you and Bucky boarded the jet for a mission, you wondered if it would be the last time you ever saw him alive. If you’d be forced to kill him in only a few hours. 

And you knew, deep down, that if it was your bullet that sent Bucky to his grave, you’d never be able to live with yourself. That your very next bullet would find a home in your chest. 

This dark, heartbreaking promise directly contradicted the first- and most important promise- you’d ever made him. Late one night, back when the two of you first started spending time together, Bucky found himself at the bottom of a pit. His PTSD snatched the reigns and nearly drove him off a cliff.

Flashback after violent flashback rocked his mind and stripped his body of all strength. He was weak, hollow, completely spent. And just as you tried to smooth the hair out of his red-rimmed eyes, he flinched. He yanked himself backward, hoping to avoid whatever blow he thought you might strike against him. He forced his shoulders into a corner and tucked his face to the side, hiding from the pain he so often anticipated. And it broke you. It was then that you promised- that you swore to him- you’d never hurt him under any circumstance. 

And killing him seemed to you like a violation of that promise.

“It makes sense, though,” you said, pushing back against his all too generous rationalizations. “It makes sense that you’d ask me to- to do that. And I don’t want you going back there, either. So, I guess if I…” A sharp pain twisted through your stomach. “If I knew that we were alone. And there was no back up. And you only had two options: Hydra’s prisoner or death- I guess I’d…” Hot tears streaked down your cheeks, “If it meant saving you from them, I’d choose death for you.”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that, okay?” He wiped a stray tear from your chin. “I’m not holding you to that anymore. And I’m talking to Rhodes tomorrow. I’m gonna see if we can do away doing these two-person missions,” he said. “Cause they’re pretty impractical and risky, if you ask me. It’s safer when there’s a group of us, you know?”

You gave him a small nod, still too overcome by the anguish coursing through your veins.

Finally- mercifully- Bucky wrapped his arms around you and pulled you tight against his body. In an instant, your arms snaked their way around his back and pulled him ever closer. You’d missed him so intensely- so severely- it was like experiencing withdrawal. You could practically feel your body breaking down without him by your side. And he felt that same emptiness, that same aching void. He was convinced that he was never supposed to exist without you next to him. That he didn’t really live until he met you. The two of you were a package deal, two halves of a whole. 

After witnessing Bucky’s attempted abduction by Hydra, spending a week without him was a living hell. You needed to see him, speak to him, touch him. You needed to know that he was there. That he was okay. That he was home. You needed the confirmation that he made it out alive. But he’d disappeared from your life. And part of you wondered if he really was safe and sound in his room down the hall. Or if your mind made it all up just to save you the pain of losing him.

Time seemed to stand still as the two of you held each other. This was what Bucky needed all week. You were what he needed. The residual fear and torment brought on by his latest Hydra encounter seemed to fizzle out as you buried your face in his chest. It didn’t vanish completely- he feared it never would- but you put it on mute. You helped him breathe easy again. 

After was felt like half an hour, you unwillingly unwound yourself from Bucky’s battered body. 

“It’s late. I should get out of your hair,” you couldn’t mask your disappointment. “I know you said you haven’t been sleeping. But you’re still healing. So, you should probably try and get some rest-”

He nodded, but didn’t even attempt to hide just how much he hated the idea of your absence. 

And though you knew you should leave, you couldn’t find the will to move toward the door. Nor did Bucky try to show you out. The two of you just stood there, staring at each other. Leaving soft touches against the other’s skin. Relishing in the reunion.

“Um, you could stay,” Bucky finally said. “If you want.”

You hadn’t even considered it. He was going to need time to deal with everything. To sit with what happened to him. And you felt that your presence would only make it more difficult. Sure, he wasn’t mad at you. But did he really want you sleeping in his bed like you used to?

“Oh, okay. Yeah. Would it-” you pulled at the hem of your sweatshirt as uncertainty got the better of you. “Would that be okay?”

Bucky gave a fervent nod. “I want you to. So, if it’s okay with you, it’s okay with me.” He cupped your cheek in his massive hand, examining the dark circles under your tired eyes. “Plus, Nat said you haven’t slept all week. So, I thought we could both get some rest. Together.”

He took your hand and led you to his bed, the bed you’d shared with him so many times before. The bed you’d curled up in almost every night. The bed in which you’d watched countless black and white movies. The bed you’d tossed and turned in every night after promising to end Bucky’s life. But with the offending promise lifted from your tired shoulders, you crawled under the familiar covers and breathed a sigh of relief. Bucky took you in his arms, molding his body around yours as he so often did. And with him lying safely next to you, you thanked your lucky stars that you didn’t keep your promise.

[thekinslayed]

A Mother's Work

summary | With their daughter sick with a fever, Aemond and his wife work to quell her distress. (based on this request.)

pairing | aemond targaryen x niece!reader

tags | fluff, sick baby Aemyra :(, DAD AEMOND, pure marital bliss, part of EOD but can still be read standalone!

wordcount | 1.6k

note | hi :) not fully back yet but this was something i wrote quickly while i'm procrastinating studying for my exam teehee

likes, comments, reblogs are much appreciated!

Wails blasted through the spacious apartments, the sharp sound bouncing off the red brick that enclosed Aemond and his wife. Their young babe was in distress, ailed by a fever brought about by the change of the seasons. The one-eyed prince watched helplessly as you bounced your daughter in your arms, frowning as it failed to soothe young Aemyra.

“I do not know what ails her,” you sighed, brows tightly knit together as anguish stitched into the skin between. Your daughter’s face was growing redder with every cry, now turning into screams as the sickness made her restless.

“Should I call for the maester?” he suggested, earning a quick shake of your head in refusal.

“No, he’ll only offer to give her poppy milk again. I don’t want that anywhere near her,” you responded, to which Aemond nodded in understanding. The knock on your door barely broke its way through Aemyra’s loud sobs, the heavy oak revealing the wetnurse carrying a bowl of water and some linens. “You could put it by the bedside, Beth. I’m afraid it’ll be a while before she settles down.” The young maid offered her service to watch the babe through the night, to which you swiftly refused, stating you’d rather have her sleep in your bedchambers.

“Here, let me have her,” Aemond offered, taking Aemyra into his arms. His daughter’s blood always ran a bit warm, thanks to the dragon blood in her, but she was evidently hotter to the touch in his hold. It permeated through the thin cotton of his undershirt, warming his chest as he kept her close. The young father tried to soothe his babe by running a comforting hand down her small back as he softly bounced her, pressing his nose into her temple. “What’s wrong, my little dragon? What is bothering you, hm? You don’t feel well?” he cooed, pressing light kisses to her cherubic cheeks. Her answer came in the form of the thrashing of her small arms against his back, and the fat droplets of tears running down her reddened skin. The sight was enough to render a painful pang in Aemond’s chest, a twin feeling of distress emanating from the couple who remained clueless in soothing their firstborn. 

The prince turned his head to where you were kneeling on the bed as you arranged for Aemyra to sleep between the two of you. Beth was helping you put down the small pillows to keep her centered before you dismissed her with a grateful smile and a promise to call on her for help should you need it. Though the crease in your brows remained as Aemyra’s cries did not seem to be dying down any sooner. Aemond wouldn’t be surprised if the sound managed to reach his father’s chambers on the top floor, waking the nearly rotting king to his granddaughter’s roaring pair of lungs. 

All too sudden, her cries started to die down, which made Aemond start to think she was starting to feel better. Then Aemyra started to lurch, and something warm was dripping down Aemond’s back. You gasped, making your way to take your daughter back into your arms to clean her up. “Thank the gods–” you sighed in relief, wiping down a now-calmed Aemyra. “—that should take some of the heat out from within.” 

“A good sign then,” Aemond said, not minding the hot trail of milky vomit down his back. He could hardly feel disgusted when the crease between your eyebrows now unknitted itself and his daughter’s eyes were starting to grow heavy as what was bothering her was now starting to dissipate. 

With the peace in their apartments finally restored, Aemond peeled the soiled cotton of his back and settled on his side of the mattress as you swayed Aemyra to sleep, lightly humming while you pressed your nose into her skin. You settled your daughter into the little crevice you created out of pillows and linens, tucking her in well before kissing her forehead. The prince felt himself starting to drift off as he watched you. He was in awe of you, with the natural ease you approached motherhood with, and how well you’ve adapted to this duty. It was times like these when he could hardly find himself believing the fact that the little bundle in your arms was purely yours and his, born out of unexpected love and newfound loyalty. Yet despite the unexpected, everything felt good. Everything felt right.

It was the sound of water dripping that pulled Aemond out of his brief slumber. His good eye opened to the dimness in your marital chambers, the only light being the soft glow of the candle on your side and the subtle moonlight beaming through the windows. Aemond found you still sitting on the edge of the bed, right where he last saw you before his exhaustion had gotten the better of him. You dipped a piece of cloth into the bowl of water Beth had brought in hours ago, before wiping the damp cloth along the babe’s arms and legs. Aemond turned to his side to face you better, draping his arm over Aemyra’s pillows to reach for your wrist. His lips lifted into a small smile as you halted your movements, eyes flickering to meet his gaze.

“You should rest, my love,” he whispered.

“I find myself unable to find sleep, not until she feels better,” you answered softly, looking at him with fondness despite the exhaustion painted into lines underneath your eyes. 

“She will,” Aemond reassured you, squeezing your wrist. “She has a wonderful mother taking good care of her.” 

Your smile widened at his words, eyes slightly glimmering in the low sheen of the night. You shifted his hand into yours, pressing a soft kiss into the back of his hand in gratitude. Placing the damp cloth onto Aemyra’s forehead, you finally lifted the sheets to settle on your side of the mattress, much to your husband’s relief. 

You fell asleep rather quickly, though still fitful as you would awaken every hour or so to check on the babe. It came as no surprise when you slept well into the late morn, sleeping through Aemyra’s lively kicks that woke her father. The warm relief swarmed Aemond’s chest as he rose from his slumber at the sight of his daughter’s improved condition. She was no longer alarmingly hot to the touch, and she was as exuberant as she always was. “Hello, my dragon,” Aemond smiled, tickling her chin with his fingertip. “You’re feeling quite better, aren’t you? Yes, you are.” Aemyra responded in incoherent babbles, her plump cheeks dimpling as she smiled cheerfully. It made him chuckle, the prince overly glad that her ailments from the night past were now gone. Deciding to let you get your rest for a moment longer, Aemond took his daughter into his arms and made his way to the nursery for a quick change with the wetnurse. His little dragon glowed like the fever was never there, jumping in his hold as her wordless chatter echoed through the halls. “Let’s see if mummy’s woken up,” he said, chuckling as Aemyra seemed to respond in her own language. He opened the door just in time to find you stretching your limbs along the span of the vast bed, eyes blinking wide to find the two approaching the bed. 

“Look who’s feeling all better, dear wife,” Aemond smiled.

“Oh, my darling!” you exclaimed, sitting up and opening your arms wide to take Aemyra into your arms. The smile on the prince’s face threatened to ache his cheeks, but it was no matter when the sight before him was this lovely. You peppered loving kisses all over your daughter’s skin, making her squeal in delight as you nuzzled into the folds of her neck. “I’m so happy you’re bette– Oh! You must be hungry!” 

His daughter was smart like her father, already knowing how to get what she wanted when she wanted it despite only being six moons young. Aemyra’s tiny fingers took hold of the strings of your nightgown, pulling them loose as a gesture of wanting to feed. You both shared an amused look and a laugh at her antics, sitting shoulder-to-shoulder against the headboard while you shifted Aemyra in your arms to latch her onto your bosom. Aemond played with her tiny feet, holding them both in one hand and squeezing the plump folds in her legs. His babe was a healthy girl, well taken care of by an ever-devoted mother. 

“That fever must have left her starved,” the prince mused, earning a soft hum of agreement from his wife. 

“As am I, in truth,” you chuckled, mindlessly running a fingertip down her nose. She had her father’s nose, as well as the hair and the amethyst hues that made her look utterly Valyrian. Though, Aemond would argue her beauty was all yours, and the effervescent life behind her eyes that mirrored the ones he always adored in yours. 

Taking your free hand in his, the prince placed a kiss of devotion on your knuckles, then another one on your temple. “Well done, my love,” he whispered against your hair. Aemond pulled away to meet your gaze, one that looked at him with a tenderness he used to never imagine would become familiar. “She is lucky to have you care for her like this… as am I.”

The rest of Aemond’s day would be spent with his little family, snuggled up in bed and staying attached in the comfort of their chambers. The prince may not have been one to find tranquility in time spent in nothingness, but everything felt good. Everything felt right.

[simpjaes]

FIRST DATE ETIQUETTE (p.sh)

Park Sunghoon is not dull, nor is he the clean cut neighbor your mother thinks he is. Oh, the horrors of if she found out that the man she set you up on this date with immediately took you home and rendered you unable to walk...he'd never be able to defend himself without a swift slap to the head.

៸៸៸ minors do not interact! 

៸៸៸ PARING:  park sunghoon x afab reader

៸៸៸WC: 9.3k

៸៸៸ TAGS: mentions of food (meat), strangers to fucking immediately to the possibility of dating later, brat taming, mocking and making fun of each other, sneaky sex, flirting and bullying in the same instance, cocky sunghoon, um…they’re kind of competitive in bed

៸៸៸ A/N: what’s that? you’ve read this before? that’s bc i wrote it! I’ve revised the original now to fit sunghoon because I am insatiable in my lust for him. (original title: the bore next door)

smut tags under cut::​​​

SMUT TAGS: dom sunghoon, bratty/sub reader, huge cock agenda (again), he gets the best head he’s ever had, he calls you messy a lot (he likes it messy),  face fucking, pussy eating, nipple biting, finger fucking, squirting,  dirty talk, wow i can’t believe I actually wrote a condom being used this time!!!!, sunghoon tries to make you moan because his horny brain wants your parents to know, dirty talk, praise, hair pulling.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

23rd street. The restaurant is on 23rd street, and you can honestly say you’ve managed to hit every street but this one. From 13th to 35th, does the street in question even truly exist? Were you set up by your parents?

In short, you have been single since high school. Maybe a few flings here or there throughout college but you never truly settled on one man or woman in a relationship. You’re almost shocked that your parents are pushing so hard for you to find love. They want you to somehow feel the love from the movies, something like they had felt when they met. In this century, unfortunately, love isn’t quite as predictable.

 You can’t just pick a person who has a good job and a decent face and assume love will settle in someday. 

Not only is it not predictable but it isn’t a priority in your life. You have no interest in meeting the standard a man could hold for you, nor a woman, or family member. You’re here to exist in your own way, work your way up through the corporate food chain, and live in a home with over thirteen cats before dying a peaceful death in your late eighties. Why do you need a man to do any of this? Why do you need to settle for one cock, one set of hands, and one personality?

Right, because mom wants you to at least try to experience what love is. Surely, it’s just because she desperately wants a grandchild from her one and only daughter. Sorry to disappoint, but that will not happen any time soon. Children were never a thought in your mind, nor was marriage, a honeymoon, or a burial plot next to another person. Your mother knows this, but the least you can do is show some effort to please her, right? To prove that relationships just aren’t your thing, and you’d much rather have the funds to live a comfortable life all on your own.

23rd street is the small thumb tack on a map where there is a restaurant that holds a very, very, annoying arrangement. 

Your mother had really sold the idea to you. She says the nice neighbor boy next to her seems to be around your age, he brings her the mail sometimes. He seems to have a job, his own car, his own home that sits in a plot next to theirs. His lawn stays mowed, the siding on his house stays clean, and apparently he seems quite lonely considering your mother appears to have watched him enough to know he doesn’t bring any girls home.

At least that she’s aware of.

She doesn’t mention what he looks like and of course, when you’d asked because, in all honesty, that’s the most important thing to you if you’re going to get anything out of this, she simply states that he dresses well, is handsome, and has dark hair.

For all you know, she just set you up on a date with Antonio Banderas. 

What you weren’t expecting though, is to find this restaurant almost an hour late and walk in to find an already half-eaten meal in front of a man who looked at you as if you were any stranger on the street.

 A stranger you were, and so was he, but honestly, he is attractive. That alone made you feel a bit guilty for not having found this place sooner. The idea that the man in front of you did not wait for you shows that he also has priorities that aren’t you. This is probably a huge inconvenience for him too, if anything. 

Imagine your nice neighbor lady telling you to go to a restaurant to meet her daughter? God. The first words out of your mouth are an apology. Not for being late, and not for not even wanting to be here, but for your mother for even trying.

“Sorry about my mom,” you mutter, plopping down into the booth with a sigh. You eye over his food, already knowing that the check will likely be split. “Let’s just get this over with.”

“Why the rush?” The man immediately says, pushing an untouched glass of water your way. “I don’t mind that you were late, I was just really hungry.”

You hum at him, waiting for the waitress to come over so you can place the most obnoxious order in the world because you’re really not in the mood to even look at the menu or the prices. Chicken strips and fries, obviously.

“So, what did you order?” You state, eyeing his plate. 

“Steak?” He says it like a question, as if it is the most obvious thing in the world and it definitely is. Clearly there is a half-eaten steak that probably costs over twenty dollars on his plate. Still, you were just trying to make small talk.

The man says nothing after this, offering nothing but an awkward atmosphere. It doesn’t take long at all for you to stop caring about the entire arrangement, as if you cared in the first place.

“Look—” You try to offer, and the handsome man in front of you doesn’t even quirk a brow as he sips his own drink. “I don’t even remember your name, and I know my mom is trying to set us up but—”

“You’re not interested, and you have better places to be?” The man finishes for you as he sits his drink down with a gulp that makes much less sound than your own. “That’s fair. My name is Sunghoon, by the way.”

You nod at him, already deciding that you’ll get chicken strips somewhere else on your own so that you can eat them in the comfort of your own home, alone, without a stupidly handsome man in front of you that has, probably, less interest than you do.

“Well, I’m interested, and I don’t have anywhere better to be,” Sunghoon says, shooting his eyes up at you. “And to be quite honest with you, your mother was right. You are pretty.” 

Taken aback, you’re somehow comforted by his forwardness towards you. He acts just as uninterested as you do but counters that demeanor with his words. You can’t imagine that this is how the man picks up women, there’s honestly no way he would win that way. No wonder he is single.  Then again, you kind of do the same thing. You see an attractive person and you act much the same as Sunghoon right now. Uninterested in anything long-term but clearly interested in something. 

“I’m pretty, huh?” You laugh, sipping the water and internally giving this man an extra three minutes to fully sell the idea of this date to you. “Imagine my surprise to walk in and find that I was set up on a date with someone that is actually attractive.”

“Oh?” Sunghoon quirks a brow. “Is this how you return a compliment?” 

You shrug. 

“Is this how a date normally goes for you—you know, where you’ve already eaten your food and would probably rather pay and leave before she even gets a chance to order?”

“No,” he responds pointedly. “Would you rather me throw a tantrum that you were late?”

“You’d be a lot less dull if you did.” You throw back, eyeing a waitress as she heads over. 

Sunghoon watches as you place your order and watches a bit harder at the way you smirk at yourself through nearly everything you say. You must think you’re clever, you must think he’s willing to chase you or something.

“I’m dull?” He questions, staring you down with narrowed eyes when the waitress walks away. “You just ordered chicken strips at one of the most expensive restaurants in town.”

You’re taken aback a bit, shaking off his little insults and sitting straight up. Interesting date, truly.

“Okay then, Sunghoon—” You say his name as if it’s a joke or something, but you don’t really let him react to it. “What do you do for a living?”

“I’m a systems software developer,” he deadpans, swirling his very nonalcoholic water in his hand. “Not that you’d know what that is or anything. And you?”

In all honesty, you don’t really know what that means, but it isn’t hard to figure it out. Assuming he must make programs or something, assuming he probably flew through college in order to do it in the way he seems proud of what he does. In all honesty, it still sounds like such a bore. He must talk in code or something in his free time. 

“I’m—uh—I’m a teacher.” You try to laugh, realizing that you’re kind of putting him down when he very clearly must make more money than you do. 

Only now does it set in that your mother stated he has his own home. One that sits directly beside theirs in a neighborhood that you grew up in. One that you tried to find your own home in but ended up in a shitty apartment in the city because it is all you could afford. Sunghoon must make good money. 

“Oh yeah? What do you teach?” He perks up in interest, no longer acting as if he is trying to insult you and instead offering conversation to you with such ease that you almost forget you’re supposed to be getting through the date in discomfort. 

“I teach everything, I guess. It’s just first grade. I swear, I teach them how to pull up their pants properly more than how to spell words.” You smile to yourself thinking of the loud and obnoxious children you teach five days a week. 

Your job is why you don’t want children though. Your job is why you’d rather stay single. All you hear about is how the third-grade english teacher is fucking the fifth-grade science teacher even though he has a wife who is pregnant with their second child. Sometimes you hear gossip about the students themselves. Who in their right mind as an adult would gossip about elementary school kids? It’s no wonder you’re not a favored teacher. You’re sure they’ve said something about you for not having a significant other or a child on the way too. 

Sunghoon smiles through your endearment towards your class, eyes perking up at the plate of chicken strips on their way to you. He doesn’t say much when you thank the waitress and doesn’t really pay attention to the way you devour the first strip in nearly one bite. 

“Seems like a lively job. I just sit around all day staring at a computer screen…” He begins to drone on about his own job, sounding more like background noise in your head if you’re being honest. You can barely hear him over the crunching of your chicken and you’re a bit thankful for that.

“And I think that it was really worth the—” You interrupt his long string of sentences with a call of his name. “Sunghoon, do you have any other interests?” You ask, sipping your water.

He deadpans at your rudeness of interrupting him. Sunghoon doesn’t often go out on dates, nor does he often get asked about these types of things so, he goes quiet, flicking his eyes down to his hands and then back up to you.

“I like to go hiking, I guess? Watching movies? Sometimes I like to cook—”

Ah. He’s one of those guys. 

“Those are like, the most common interests a person can have. You don’t have any special hobbies or weird quirky things you like to do?” You question, trying to see something in him past the fact that he’s nice to look at and has a decent paycheck. 

“I don’t really have the time to put into other things. When I’m not working, I’m busy cleaning my house or doing yard work since I’m usually too tired during the week to do it.”

“God, you are such a bore.” 

Sunghoon realizes now that maybe you’re not just throwing around banter. Sure, neither of you really wanted to come on this date but he could have used the time away from a computer screen to look at his neighbor’s daughter. If anything, it was an interesting offer, and those don’t come by him too often. He had seen photos of you. He knew you were pretty, and he also should have known you were a bit stubborn with the way your mother warned him before the date.

“If I was so boring, would I be sitting here on a date with a woman I don’t know?” He glares over at you. 

“I don’t know, probably. It isn’t the riskiest thing in the world. What? You don’t have tinder?”

Sunghoon looks down again, because no, he doesn’t have fucking tinder and he doesn’t understand why that matters.  “Why does that matter?” 

“Ah, so we are similar.” You smile to yourself in a small win, and you’re not even sure if it’s even an argument at this point. “No time for hobbies, so no time for dating either?” 

He nods slowly at you, completely confused by the way you go from picking his personality apart to finding some way to connect with him. 

“We can wrap this up then if you want?” You offer, still picking at the food on your plate. “I can pay for mine, so I release you from this arrangement.” 

He just sits there staring at you. What a peculiar woman. Do you really assume he isn’t somehow finding the fun in all of this? In all honesty, this date is going off without a hitch compared to many other dates he’s been on. He has never been on a date where he is criticized, nor has he ever criticized a date himself before.

 It’s almost kind of nice, like a breath of fresh air being able to meet someone who isn’t trying to show their best aspects. Someone who is sitting in front of him being as real as they possibly can be. Sure, you’re attractive, but your lack of interest in this date is somehow—flooring.

“What if I want to stay?” He makes eye contact with you. “What if I want to pay for your overcooked chicken?” 

“I’d be letting you win if you pay for me, but you’re free to stay.” You wave him off with your hand, realizing that the chicken is very dry and wasn’t hitting the spot like you’d been pretending. “So, what now then?” You add with a tilt of the head. 

“Admitting I’m interested in you?” He says it with so much confidence that you’re a little bit surprised, because this entire time you’ve been trying to act as uninterested as possible, despite finding some amount of attraction to Sunghoon.

“Poor you,” You coo, pushing your plate away from you and pulling your almost-empty water closer. “Okay, let’s try and make this worth something then.” 

Sunghoon prepares himself to listen, but honestly, he couldn’t have prepared for what you’re about to say to him.

“Neither of us are looking for anything serious right?” You ask, continuing after he nods. “So,” you pause briefly, thinking a bit too hard on how to word it. “Why don’t we just treat it like a tinder date?”

You’re definitely implying that the night could continue together, only to never speak of or see each other again after the sun rises. 

“Are you suggesting I bring you home with me?” He looks at you with a face you can’t really read. 

“Isn’t that what people do when they’re on a date, find each other attractive, but want nothing more?” You reiterate for him, because he seems to have trouble processing what you’re trying to get across to him. “Unless this isn’t your thing?”

Sunghoon pulls his hand up and pushes his hair out of his face for a moment. He’s thinking about it, barely even realizing that you’ve known each other for less than an hour.

“I didn’t take you for the type of fuck on the first date.” He cocks his head, looking at you in a lazy way.

It feels a little painful that the first curse word he says out loud is describing something that involves you and your offer. 

“I’m not, usually, but it has been a while for me and I can’t help but think we could have fun with it.”

He nods, eyeing you down. “Do you want to drive to my house then? Or do I need to bring you back to get your car?”

“Nah, I can drive. I know where you live, considering I grew up next door and all. I can just crash at my parent’s house once we are done.”

Sunghoon kind of shifts his eyes nervously, looking down at the table and then back at you with a lick against his bottom lip. “Speaking of, your parents—” He pauses, fiddling with his hands. “Look, they probably wouldn’t expect me to be the type to uh, get intimate with their daughter on the first date.”

“Only date,” you correct him, amused. “What, you thought we would meet again after this?”

Sunghoon waves you off dismissively. “That’s not the point. I don’t want my neighbors thinking I’m some fuckboy, and I’d rather them not find out because I’m sure your mom would slap the shit out of me the next time I bring her the mail.”

“Sunghoon—” You snort in a mocking tone. “My mom set you up on a date with me, you’re gonna take me home and show me a good time within an hour of meeting me. Imagine if she found out you’re not as sweet and innocent as she thinks–”

His face goes warm, but his eyes darken a bit as he looks at you. “Listen, I don’t usually do this.” 

“Well yeah, you seem too boring to actually have some fun.” 

Offense taken. 

And when he says nothing else to that, you speak up again, this time a bit more gentle. 

“Don’t feel like you have to. I can go home and we can pretend this never happened.”

“No, no,” Sunghoon assures, making eye contact with the waitress as if to silently ask for the check. “I could use the distraction.” 

He was slim when he stood up, obnoxiously attractive getting into his stupidly expensive car, and even the way he drove in front of you pissed you off. He drove the speed limit all the way to the familiar street of your childhood. What a boring, boring man.

When he pulls into his driveway, you aren’t sure if you should park at his house or your own. You realize if you park at either your parents will wonder why you’re parking in their driveway but not in their living room, or wonder why you’re parked in the clean-cut Sunghoon’s driveway because he would never fuck their daughter on the first date. 

You opt to park a block away, walking to Sunghoon’s house and feeling a bit silly for hiding. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

“Fitting,” you say as you step into his living room and scan the way he is entirely boring.

“What?” He asks from behind you, watching you judge his space.

“Very monotonous, very you.”

Sunghoon sighs at your constant critiques of him, but he’s smiling through it because you’re still here, and you’re the one who suggested coming home with him.

“I’ve gotta say, I’ve never brought a woman home just to have her insult me,” he laughs, stepping around you and placing his jacket on the end of the couch. “I can imagine that your place hasn’t been cleaned since you moved in.”

You glare at him, slipping your own jacket off and throwing it on his floor out of spite.

“I am a comfortable mess, Sunghoon, and you–” you scan the room once more, “are very clearly uncomfortable.”

He shifts his eyes for a second because, yeah. It’s not that he wouldn’t enjoy having colorful photos on the walls or a couple of knick-knacks lying around. Arguing about it isn’t your purpose for being here though, and he’d much rather skip the banter at this point.

“I can admit that your jacket looks good on my floor,” he takes a step forward, attempting to be as bold as he typically would be with a woman who knows how he is in bed. He’s never had to play off of his own cleanliness though. “I’m willing to make a mess of this house if you take more off.”

Oh, okay.

“Oh, so you can be interesting?” You mock him once again, reaching for the hem of your dress (yes, dress.) and looking at him. “You want to see my clothes on your floor?”

Sunghoon watches you intently, seeing your thighs being exposed more and more as the dress raises. His body is already reacting, becoming more attracted to your witty sense of displeasure toward his entire personality and lifestyle. After all, he’s a computer whizz and you deal with screaming children all day. He wonders why he expected anything less. Little do you know though, he fully intends to have you praising him before the night is up.

“I’d like to see you on my floor,” he answers, reaching for your dress and pulling it up further and above your head. “If I’m being honest, anyway.”

You were trying to go slow with the removal of your dress, mostly to see how he reacts to seeing a woman nearly naked in front of him but damn. You weren’t quite expecting how forward he’s being about it. Here you were expecting to be fucked missionary without any foreplay in a bed with all white sheets, right next to a washer and dryer, socks on, lights off. 

“Oh,” you gasp, slightly out of character in his opinion but his body reacts even more to that. He’s already allowing himself to get aroused so, naturally, his confidence is also bubbling up through each thought and word he decides to say to you. 

“What, you’re shocked?” He laughs, dropping your dress to the floor and scanning your body. “I can admit that I’m a little shocked too.” 

You look at him in confusion, moving your arms over your chest and wondering what the fuck he’s talking about. 

“You wore a matching set for a first date? With a complete stranger?” He mocks you this time, stepping even closer and running his fingers along the hem of your bra. You can feel the warmth from his thumb gently rubbing the skin as he does it and instantly your body tells on you in the form of goosebumps. 

“I’ll have you know,” you’re the one stepping closer this time, “I always wear matching sets, because I like to feel sexy.” 

You’re a liar. You definitely wore them just in case.

He hums, mere inches from your face as he looks down at you. It feels like he’s fucking looming, it feels like he must have his heat set too high or something.

 It gets even worse when his eyes don’t leave yours, but you feel his hand drop from your chest only to hear the familiar sound of a belt being unbuckled. He stares at you while he does it, his hair falling in his face at the movement of what he’s doing waist down. For some reason, that does it for you, and you’re already rubbing your legs together as you stare right back at him. 

“I think that’s bullshit,” he smirks, slipping his belt from the loops of his pants and tossing that to the floor as well, and then he brings his face another inch closer, “and don’t think I can’t tell that you’re turned on.” 

You don’t back down, nor do you admit that he’s absolutely right. You just look at him, watching a strand of his hair fall in front of his eyes that are beginning to darken by the second. 

“I’m not turned on, believe me, it’ll take a lot more than–” You’re cut off by him planting his hand directly between your legs, two fingers pressing your panties slightly into you. 

“Hm?” He encourages you to say that again, but you’ve got your breath caught in your throat at his extreme change in demeanor.

Still, he’s looking directly at your face, watching the way you try to think of a lie. 

“You wanna keep pretending that I’m boring?” He asks, sliding his fingers up and pressing against your clit. 

You shake your head, finally dropping the act and blinking at him with empty thoughts. 

“That’s what I thought,” He ticks his tongue at you, now pulling his fingers away and showing you that even through your panties, his fingers are already soaked. “Now take the rest off.”

You do as he says, watching him step away with his shirt untucked and his pants undone. You note that he grabs a condom, which for some reason reminds you that you’re definitely about to get railed into the next dimension if that bulge behind those pants implies anything. 

Standing there with all of your clothes thrown around his living room, you watch him harder than you already had been. He’s slow when he sets the condom down on the table, and even slower when he walks up to you and places a hand on the top of your head before guiding you to sink down.

“Wha–right here?” You ask, feeling the clean carpet offer relief for your knees rather than the hard wood floors of the room over. 

“I said I wanted to see you on my floor, didn’t I?” He smiles, already admiring how shameful you’d appear to be if your parents saw you naked and on your knees for him. 

You nod, looking up at him. When you reach forward to actually lower his pants though, he steps back and continues to create distance between the two of you as he backs himself up to the wall and lounges against it. 

“Crawl to me,” he instructs, wondering if it’s too much for you but letting out a pleased sound of relief when you instantly do it.

Would you normally let a man tell you to do that? No. Would you ever actually listen to a man who speaks to you like this? Fuck no. You can’t defend your actions when you do it and you also can’t lie that you’re absolutely fucking dripping over it. Like, honestly, he’s going to have to deep clean this fucking carpet by the time you leave this house. 

When you reach him, you can feel the heat in your cheeks at the very idea of him from this angle. You sit on your knees, lifting your hands to his pants and lowering them before he can try to draw the process out even longer. You can hear him let out a short chuckle at the way you try to be quick with it, and you already know he’s about to say some shit.

“I didn’t expect you to be this eager.” He talks down to you with a deep and raspy voice, one that sounds entirely sensual. In terms of what he says though, honestly, you shouldn’t expect much more considering how the two of you practically roasted each other before this very instant. 

You ignore his words, letting his pants drop to the floor and now reaching to pull his briefs down. You were incredibly unprepared for his size as you watched it stand stiff and raging in front of your face. Not a single hint of precum is seen, and it makes you feel kind of pathetic for how wet you’ve already gotten. It almost feels like a challenge now, to make him feel just as desperate as you do now. 

Thankfully, your throat is fairly trained for sucking men until they’re trembling. Hopefully, all those dudes you’ve fucked around with before come in handy and don’t let you down this time around. 

Sunghoon watches you from above, smiling over the way you stare at his length before finally touching it. He keeps his cool though, wondering how just over an hour ago you were ordering the worst food a restaurant has to offer, scoffing at his job, his hobbies, and now look at you. What a sight. 

“Go on,” he encourages you, pressing his hips forward so that the head of his cock hits your cheek, “let me see how messy you are.”

You roll your eyes at him, gripping the base before closing your eyes and breathing in through your nose. The very second you wrap your lips around him, he has both hands on your head, not moving it, not pushing you down or anything, just resting there. You’d think it was sweet if it weren’t for the fact that he pushes his hips forward after four whole seconds.

So, he’s not going to guide your mouth, he’s going to hold it there? Okay, you guess. Thankfully, he’s not being super rough with it like you anticipated. If anything, he’s sliding himself into your mouth much as you’d do on your own. 

He hums out at the feeling of your inner cheeks hugging against his length, pressing in more and more with each thrust of his hips until he finally gets the majority of his length past your lips. He can see you breathe through your nose, but he doesn’t feel resistance at all so he presses his hips in even more, essentially until he’s blocking your airways and your throat is restricted around him in a gag. 

Instead of pulling your head back though, he feels your fingers grip the back of his legs, you’re trying. He holds your head there in place, feeling your throat massage his cock in probably one of the best ways he’s ever felt. 

“Shit,” he seethes out between a bite of his lip, “you’ve done this before?” 

The very thought of you letting your throat be used is enough for him to want to keep doing it, but hearing your response as a half-moaned gag vibrating around his length is a whole other story. 

He releases his hands from behind your head just to see if what he thinks you’re implying with those vibrations of sounds is right, and god is he thrown for a loop. You stay there, and even when he pulls his hips back before fucking into your throat once more, you still stay there.

He’s going to lose his goddamn mind because never has a woman been able to withstand this amount in their throat for this long for him. Enough to actually have him a little worried that you’re essentially suffocating on him. 

Sunghoon snaps his hips back, pulling out of your mouth and leaning down just a bit to grab your chin and guide your eyes up to him. 

“Breathe,” he says, watching the way you smirk at him as if you’ve won some sort of award. He narrows his eyes at you, “You can choke all you want babe, but you’re gonna have to not be this cock drunk if you want to pretend that you’ve got the upper hand.”

That motherfucker. You’re trying to make him show just a hint of desperation for you and he completely flips the tables on you? 

Before you can even argue again, he’s guiding your lips back on him. You decide that it’s not over yet, he can talk down to you all he wants, but you’re going to be the one laughing at him by the end of the night. 

You allow him to place his hands back on your head, and you kind of like the weight of his cock on your tongue if you’re being honest, but god damn does he have a harsh rhythm. His hips snap languidly but he buries himself deep.  Even when you try to look up at him as your nose presses against his pubic bone, he’s looking down at you so casually. Like he feels okay. Just okay. 

This time, when he pulls his hips back, he doesn’t have to hold your head steady. You chase his length even as it tries to slide from your mouth, and you start to move your head back and forth in time with his hips. You finally receive a moan from him when you reach a hand up and cup his balls, massaging them in one hand as your saliva bubbles out from around your lips.

“So fucking messy–” he chokes out in a surprised moan, praising you for somehow making this feel even better than it already did. 

You hum around him again, feeling the weight of his cock pulse against your tongue and you start to taste more of his precum. Shamefully, you’re starting to want this more and more. You want him to call you messy, you want him to bruise your throat. You don’t mind, now that you’ve seen a snippet of what he’s like when he shows his pleasure.

Just a moment goes by when you feel his hands grip your hair, pulling slightly and following the rhythm of your movements, just putting a bit more force behind them until he finally presses you one last time against his pelvic bone, swirling his hips and stretching out your throat impossibly more around him. 

“Just like that, yeah,” his moans echo throughout his empty walls and it causes your eyes to flutter as you try to breathe in through your nose. When you gag, he moans again. “Fuck, you know exactly what you’re doing.”

Then, he releases you and watches with a smirk at the way you pull back in a deep breath before wiping your mouth. 

You’re not sure why, but the way he’s looking at you makes you feel proud. Maybe it’s because he’s managed to pull out this weird, needy side of you, or maybe it’s because he looks incredibly good looking at you like this after the two of you spit insults at each other all night. 

“Do you want me to return the favor?” He asks, finally unbuttoning and removing his shirt.

Seeing him now, you stare at his chest and toned arms, wanting to grab onto them and feel him do whatever it is he wants to do to you. He, on the other hand, can’t tell if you’re nodding to his question or looking him up and down slowly. 

“You were so talkative earlier, what happened?” He smiles, stepping forward and falling to his knees himself, nudging your legs open in one go as he presses you back against his floor. “Do you want to fuck my tongue, or no?”

He continues to smile at your silence, eyes trained between your legs as he spreads them and then looks up at your face. “No?” 

You shake your head, leaning back on your elbows to watch him and take a breath in.

“It’s hard to talk when you’re like,” you motions towards him, “that.”

He chuckles, taking it as a compliment before snatching a pillow off of his couch and tapping your thigh to get you to lift up. You do so, allowing him to place the pillow under your ass before he settles himself there.

His eyes stay locked on yours as his fingers start to trail to your core, slipping through your folds with such ease that your embarrassment shows plainly on your face. 

“Messy,” he compliments, lightly tapping against your clit before lowering his head and blowing softly against the glistening heat you offer to him. “Keep your legs spread for me, darling.”

You still watch him, his eyes glaring up from between your spread thighs as he lets his tongue fall from his mouth and lick one long and languid stripe up your slit, stopping just before your clit and pulling back as if he’s tasting. You’re not sure what it is about him but goddamn, he must know he looks good when he’s pleasuring a woman. 

Despite him asking you to keep your legs spread for him, it appears that he doesn’t trust you to do it because he’s still got one hand prying one of your legs apart and his head moving in all sorts of ways as he allows his tongue to lap every part of you besides your clit. Even his other hand, exploring and gently placing pressure against your entrance– the way he’s doing this makes you want to press forward, it makes you want to do exactly as he asked. 

You roll your hips forward, and he instantly attaches his lips to your clit. You stop, and he trails back down and flicks his tongue against your folds in a teasing way. You grind forward, he’s right back on your clit, flicking his muscle the same way and eliciting a whine from you. 

This time though, when you roll your hips back, he takes both hands and presses your legs open as far as he can get them, spreading your pussy out across his lips for him to take full control of. He nips at your clit before licking down, pressing the pointed muscle into you and only then does he release your legs. Now, he’s sliding both hands under your ass and rocking you against his face, angling his head so that he can lick inside to taste your plush and wet walls.

God, you’re gonna lose it. Even if you didn’t want to, you’d think the way he’s moving his mouth is enough to get anyone to take advantage of it. You moan, pressing forward and back against his mouth as your own fingers fall to your clit. You rub when you press forward, feeling his warm and wet saliva drip from your slit and down to your ass, and you rub harder when you pull back, watching his eyes flutter open and still somehow manage to glare at you.

And just as soon as it started, you blink and his face is right there. You would have let out a shocked sound, because jumpscare much? But you moan instead, because he hovers over you with a smirk and an arm between the two of you, his fingers instantly sliding into you as he attaches his lips to yours with little more than a moan of his own. 

“Have you ever tasted yourself?” He asks, licking against your lips and scissoring his fingers open inside of you.

You have, but for some reason it tasted better this time when he prods his tongue against yours. Perhaps it’s because it’s from him, or maybe it’s because you are a little obsessed with the way he navigates sex. 

When he pulls back from your mouth, now losing himself a little bit in the heat of the faces you make when you feel good, he can’t help but give you a moan along with your own. You sound so fucking good when you’re not talking your shit, and god he knew that mouth could do more than be annoying. 

“Open up,” he whispers against your lips, licking your bottom lip as he thrusts his fingers deeper into you, “let me hear you.”

You can’t really help it. When you open your mouth, you’re practically panting for him. His arm is moving harshly as he fucks his fingers into you and causing you to nearly lose balance on your elbows, but he holds you there with his other arm wrapped around your waist, still licking against your lip and smirking when you still can’t say anything. 

“Louder,” He instructs, at least wanting you to moan louder for him if you’re going to act like this when he’s touching you. “Let your momma hear how good it feels, babe, go on.” 

Your eyes shoot open after that, and god, he is the fucking worst. Or maybe not, you can tell he does it on purpose. His fingers curling up inside of you and putting intense pressure against a spot that takes every man ages to find if they manage to even remember it.

“Sunghoon,” you groan, rolling your eyes back while rolling your hips forward, hand shooting to his and holding it there, “can’t you just fuck me already?”

He chuckles, dipping his head down to give a sharp bite against your nipple, his fingers still curling up into that spot. 

“Soak my fingers first.” He says, floored by how good your voice sounds when you want to get fucked. 

He continues to suck and bite against your nipple, and that sends shocks of pleasure straight down to where his fingers meet your g-spot. You could come right now if he’d just–

You roll your hips forward harder, grinding your clit against his wrist and essentially fucking yourself on his fingers now. He moans against your nipple at the movement, biting down harder as he hears you just above him holding your breath. It seems like you like not being able to breath, which is just fucking great for him. Your mom would be so heartbroken, honestly. 

“You think you can ride my cock like this?” He asks, popping your nipple out of his mouth and moving those bites up your neck and to your ear, “Think you can take it?”

You nod with heat rushing through your body, feeling his wrist stiffen up for your pleasure to grind against. 

Fuck, he can feel your cunt gripping his fingers as you work yourself up and it takes everything in him not to pull his fingers from you and absolutely bury himself into the tight heat you’re offering, but he holds back, pulling from your neck and watching the way your brows furrow and your mouth falls slack.

“Yeah, that’s it babe, ride it.” he encourages, hearing your wet slide against his fingers with each movement of your body.

You shake as it washes through you, feeling his fingers remain in their spot against your little bundle of pleasure inside of you. You feel like you can explode from this alone and he practically forces it out of you, pulling his fingers out and immediately rubbing circles on your clit. 

“Let it go for me,” he encourages in a pleasured sigh, watching your body tremble involuntarily as your face contorts to what anyone else would assume is pain. He moves further back and watches your body soak both him and his floor. “Fuck, yes, such a fucking mess.”

Well, that’s never happened before and the fact that you’re still orgasming is also new. You feel so sensitive, releasing in waves that offer little in terms of self control. Your hands shoot to his arm, gripping him so tightly as you try to hear his moans for you, but to be honest, you can’t hear a fucking thing through this wall of arousal in your head. 

Finally, you open your eyes and he’s just looking at you, smirking at the dripping against his legs and the wet spot on the floor. 

“Messy, messy girl.” He says with a chuckle. “Dirtying up my living room like this? Come on, get up.”

This is the first time Sunghoon has ever had a woman squirt for him, and honestly he’s been trying for ages to let someone experience this through him, goddamn was it sexy to see. You look absolutely fucking gone at this moment, and he might be fucking in love with the image. So badly does he want to see those shaking legs try to stand for him, so badly, does he want to see you fucking buckle.

“Come on,” he says again, not giving you enough time to even think about standing before he’s pulling you up on wobbling legs and pressing your toward the couch.

He watches how you wobble over, shuffling your feet with your knees turned inward with each step. He can’t help but lick his lips, seeing how your arousal drips down both of your legs in a shameless show of how much his fingers alone could do for you. 

“Sorry,” You rasp out as you make your way over, brain fogged from the orgasm and unable to feel much at all outside of the pulsing inside of you. “I’ve never–”

“Don’t worry, I like the mess.” He smiles, snatching up the condom and tearing the wrapper open with ease before rolling it down his length, staring at you.

Oh, right, he still hasn’t even fucked you yet. Fuck, he’s good.

He sits himself next to you, pulling an arm around your waist and guiding you on top of him. He doesn’t even think twice at your shaking legs, soothing them as you follow his hand and position yourself against his long neglected cock being held up with his other hand. 

“Gonna keep that promise?” he asks, still smoothing his hands over your legs and looking up at you. “Gonna take my cock better than you did my fingers?” 

You nod, feeling a pulse of electricity inside of you. Willing you to take more, wanting to be stretched further.

Besides, you know that once you’re seated with his length fucking impaling you, you’ll at least have his broad shoulders to hold onto if you need to stay steady.  

And when you sink down, you hear the sound you’ve been trying to pull from him all night. He lets out a soft moan, almost a whimper if you think hard enough about it, and it ignites a brand new fire in you as you take him in inch by inch. Feeling the searing stretch offer a bit of pain despite the sheer amount of wet you have collected between your legs. 

He can feel you clench around him in the attempt to adjust, and your legs shaking only offer even more in terms of pleasure as you envelope him entirely with your heat. He can’t help but moan, almost unable to keep up his dominant persona with a pussy so sweet wrapped around him. God, he loves blind dates, honestly. 

“Mhm,” he hums, rubbing both of his hands now against your thighs as you sit yourself flush against him and wait to adjust to his size, “I definitely like you.”

You fall forward with a small laugh, the irony of the situation a bit too much on top of your mind falling helplessly and embarrassingly fast at how lucky you are to have a mother to set you up with such a man. 

He’s a bit soft at this moment, wrapping both arms around your waist and listening to your breathless laughs against his neck. Loving the way each inhaled chuckle forces your body to squeeze his cock delightfully tight. 

God, You’re pretty, and so fucking annoying. Just his type. 

“I’m still going to fuck you senseless though.” he finally says, feeling your body still at his words as you lift a bit, just to slide back down on him.

“Is that a promise?” You ask weakly, pretending that he didn’t already manage to do it with his hands alone. 

He nods, the softness in his eyes disappearing instantly when he feels the drag of your cunt hug his length. He doesn’t hold back his moaning for you this time though, and he shows no shame in slapping your ass, and guiding you even closer to his chest. 

You stand on your knees a bit on top of him, watching his eyes zone in on your tits in his face. Hopefully, he’s going to keep that promise too.

His hips snap up harshly as his hands grope your ass and spread you apart. He snaps his hips again and again, nearly pulling his entire length out of you each time just to fill you up once again. Stretching you open and loosening you up, the pleasure of it hitting him right in the throat each time with small grunts against your nipple when you bounce at the movement. 

You whimper out, the sounds still echoing throughout his house along with the sounds of your thighs slapping against his. His grunts are deeper, and all of the sounds together sound like a desperate soundtrack of what you’ve always wished sex was like. He fucks you good, despite your legs still shaking, and despite the pain of his teeth biting against your skin now. 

You can’t help it when you fall forward again, hugging around his head as he starts to relentlessly fuck into you at a faster pace, the thrusts going from slow and deep to tight and pointed. His thick cock easily pressing against that same spot his fingers had been teasing earlier. You choke out at the feeling, legs jolting and causing you to sit again out of sensitivity.

He doesn’t falter at your failure to stay in position for him, and instead he gropes your ass harder, swirling your hips around him. You can feel how hard he is inside of you, splitting you open and pulsing at a near constant pace. 

“Ride it,” he instructs, much like he did with his fingers and you follow suit, lifting just slightly and sliding back down again. “Harder,” he demands, pulling his head from your grasp and looking up at you with a wild smirk. 

You look down at him, wondering how pitiful you must look up here. He appears to be loving it though, absolutely in love with the way you struggle to do what you swore you’d be able to. 

Trying again, you begin to bounce on him and he grants you his fingers on your clit for that, moaning at your own choice of rhythm and leaning forward yet again to pop his presumed favorite nipple back into his mouth.

The ministrations of his fingers paired with his mouth sends you spiraling once again into a world of pleasure. The shaking in your legs become more of a driving factor than anything as you ride him better than you’ve ever ridden anyone.

Finally, he’s the one moaning out and trying to string together choked words of praise.

“Your grip is so tight,” he mutters out, kissing up your chest and to your neck, “i can fucking feel you dripping down my legs.” He adds in a moan, losing himself in the way you move your hands through his hair and scratch at the nape of his neck. He wants to ruin you so badly, and he’s already drenched in you. He wants more. 

You knew you’d have him just as desperate as you by the end of the night. Now look at him, muttering out strings of curse words as you do nothing but ride and pet him. He’s melting under you, and you’ll be damned if he comes before you get that second orgasm. 

Shooting your hand to your clit to replace his lazy movements, you work yourself up to your second orgasm and he just watches you, taking in the image of you practically riding him into oblivion until you’re clenching even tighter around him, throwing your head back and shooting your hands to his shoulders as you harshly roll your hips into his. You’re working yourself through it when he starts pumping into you again, short and tight thrusts pushing you through your orgasm until he’s gripping you equally as hard, holding you down on him as he spills out and into the condom in more of a purr than a moan.

You watch him, dazed out of your fucking mind as he bites against his bottom lip and slowly blinks through his orgasm as you. Part of you wishes he just did it raw, wanting so badly for him to make a mess of you like you did to him.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

You find yourself with him at your parent’s house just a week later, eating lunch in the chaotic mess of your mother’s kitchen. It’s funny, really, how he’s trying to be polite to her as if he’s not about to take you next door and probably fuck you against an open window just to blow his own cover.

“I told you he was a keeper,” your mother compliments him as she lays a plate of croissants on the table. “Just yesterday he offered to mow our lawn when we head off for vacation this weekend!”

She’s praising him much like you wouldn’t, and you kick him under the table for trying to suck up to her even more now that he’s fucked you several times already. 

“Did he now?” You ask, glaring over at him and then smiling sweetly at your mother. “Guess he is kind of a keeper, maybe.”

His eyes shoot to you and he smiles around his bite of croissant at you. 

“You were right though,” he counters you towards your mother, “she’s definitely a handful.”

Your mother crosses her arms as she leans against the counter, looking between the both of you. 

“How many dates have you been on without telling me?” She asks, looking at you.

“A few…” If she considers it a date to meet up and fuck every other day this week.

“We had lunch a few days ago.” he adds, backing you up. It’s just that the lunch wasn’t exactly like–you know, at a restaurant, and if she knew that cum was on the menu, perhaps you both would be slapped shitless. 

“So, are you guys going to be exclusive, or?”

Sunghoon looks at you curiously, and you look back at him. 

“I dunno, it’s only been a week, Mom.”

She nods, clapping once before pushing off of the counter and leaving the kitchen. 

It’s silent between you and Sunghoon for a few moments before he speaks up.

“I wouldn’t be against it.”

“Against what?” You ask, looking at him with a raised brow. 

“You know, like, dating. I can’t imagine anyone actually putting up with you besides me, anyway.”

You kick him again from under the table, causing him to wince out in pain before glaring at you. You smile in return though, giving him a shrug and now rubbing your foot against the bruise you probably just caused. 

“I find myself agreeing with that statement,” You laugh thinking hard about your next words. “But for some reason, agreeing with you pisses me off more.”

Sunghoon nods, smiling through the pain of the bruise forming on his shin. 

“Good thing I know how to fix that, huh?” He finishes the conversation, fully aware that he knows how to shut you up and make you love it. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

[theoryofwhatnow]

yeah aha, so normal! we’re soooo normal about them. *feral noises*

All of My Devotion Turns Violent

Hello:) I wanted to share with you all this very unfinished drawing of Alex and Nigel I made- which I unfortunately won't get to finish anytime soon because of work.

This was my second time ever trying digital art, and I want to apologise for the terrible quality, I made the canvas size too small and only realised halfway through. It's definitely not perfect, and hopefully, once I get a little bit of free time, I'll be back with something so much better.

Special thanks to @not-a-heretic for being there to watch it all come together (we are so normal about them)

( listened to a lot of Hearing Damage by Thom Yorke and Take Me To Church by Hozier while making this.)

[kiwriteswords]

possible whump request 🫣 reader getting hurt during a case and having to be hospitalized and hotch feeling off the charts guilty because he feels like it’s his fault so he distances himself? ty ily

The Guilt He Holds [Aaron Hotchner x Female Reader]

Ki2k Masterlist||MainMasterlist (not updated, sorry!)|| Ao3||Word Count: 4k|| AN: Hii! Thank you for the request. I think Hotch owns the emotion of guilt more than any character I have ever read/watched before, lol. But I hope you enjoy this!

Tags/Warnings: female reader, canon typical violence, canon typical themes, blood, waterboarding, trauma, torture, guilty!hotch, established relationship, potential tbc? (this is becoming my norm because I never know when to stop), Protective and reckless Hotch, BAU Reader

Summary: After a heated argument drives you to seek some air, you are kidnapped by an unsub. This incident forces Hotch to confront his guilt and the torment of nearly losing someone he loves all over again.

As Hotch navigated the cramped corridors of the local precinct, the turmoil in his mind was as narrow as the hallways themselves.

The urgency of the ongoing manhunt clashed violently with his personal conflicts, rendering each step a testament to his barely contained frustration.

"Why are we even discussing this here, at a time like this?" he snapped, pivoting sharply to confront you, his intense gaze burning with a fervor seldom seen beyond the field.

You stood resolute, your voice tinged with frustration. "Because you keep dodging this conversation, Aaron! We need to address it if there's any hope of making this work."

Hotch pinched the bridge of his nose, the weight of his dual roles as a leader and a partner pressing down on him. "Look, I care about you, you know that. But we have a killer on the loose, and you want to talk about us? This is exactly why I was against this."

The precinct hummed with activity around them--the constant clatter of keyboards, the sharp ring of phones, the urgent shouts of officers updating one another. Yet, in that moment, their world seemed to narrow to just the two of them, isolated in their bubble of tension.

"I'm not trying to make things difficult," you countered, your voice a blend of pleading and defiance. "But pretending everything is fine isn't working. I need to know where we stand, especially with how closely we work together."

Hotch studied you, his expression set in stone. The risk of jeopardizing both his career and the unexpected relationship weighed heavily on him. "I'm in love with you," he confessed, the words freeing yet fraught with implications. "But I have to be realistic. What if this compromises our work? What if it affects the team?"

You crossed your arms, the hurt evident in your eyes. "And what if it doesn’t? What if we're better together in all aspects? We won’t know unless we try, Aaron."

As the tension escalated, Hotch's frustration crystallized into a biting retort. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe this was a mistake--not just us, but assuming you could balance this job and a relationship without one affecting the other.” The words were harsher than intended, and he regretted them instantly.

You recoiled, shock and hurt washing over your face. Silently, you turned and stormed out of the precinct, leaving behind a stunned silence. Hotch remained frozen, haunted by the harshness of his words. He rubbed his face, torn between chasing after you and maintaining his command.

Before he could decide, the precinct door burst open. JJ rushed in, her face pale, her breath short. “Hotch!” she gasped your name, her voice laced with panic. “There’s--there’s blood outside, and her badge…” She held up your badge, smeared with blood, discovered next to a large puddle on the pavement just outside.

Hotch felt the room spin as the gravity of the situation struck him. The argument, his cruel words, and now this horror. Guilt and fear knotted in his stomach. “Show me,” he whispered hoarsely as he followed JJ outside.

Outside, the scene was grim. Fresh blood trailed off around the corner of the building. Hotch's trained eyes quickly scanned the area, piecing together the likely scenario--the unsub might have been waiting, perhaps having followed you from the precinct.

“Get a team out here now! Set up a perimeter, and get Garcia on the line. Check every camera in this area,” he ordered, his voice cutting through the turmoil inside him as he slipped back into his role as unit chief.

His mind raced with the worst possibilities. He had always feared how a relationship could complicate their work, but never like this. His last words to you, so cutting and final, echoed in his mind, haunting him with their potential finality.

“JJ, stay here with the team and coordinate the search. I’m going to check the surrounding area. He can’t have gotten far,” Hotch stated, his voice firm despite the panic gnawing at him. He couldn’t afford to freeze--not when your life hung in the balance.

Following the blood trail that marked your sudden, violent departure, Hotch’s heart pounded against his ribs, driven by fear and adrenaline. He had to find you, had to fix this monumental error. Nothing else mattered now.

As hours passed, the team noted their normally composed leader coming undone. The reality of your absence was crushing. Overwhelmed by guilt and responsibility, Hotch moved mechanically, his usual precision replaced by a haunted, distracted demeanor.

His mind replayed the harsh words he had hurled at you, growing louder with each hour that passed without news of your safety. The precinct felt heavier with his palpable guilt, casting a shadow over everyone present. They exchanged concerned glances, deeply aware of his turmoil but uncertain how to help.

Blaming himself for the argument that put you in harm's way and his failure to protect you, his torment grew. Now, potentially facing the gravest consequence, the thought that he might never rectify his mistake tormented him endlessly.

Then, Garcia's voice cracked through the tension, a beacon of urgent hope. "Hotch, you need to see this," she called out, dread coloring her tone. At her workstation, the sight that met Hotch’s eyes was a live stream of you, tied to a chair, visibly beaten, the intermittent waterboarding a grotesque display of your torment.

Hotch's reaction was immediate and fierce. Jaw clenched, eyes narrowed to furious slits, hands balled into fists, he embodied pure, unbridled rage. The team, taken aback by his intense emotion, rallied to his side, spurred into action.

"Trace it! Now!" he commanded, voice booming through the room. Garcia's fingers flew over the keyboard, tracing the digital breadcrumbs back to their source. Hotch's mind was ablaze with thoughts of rescue and retribution, focused solely on saving you, ending your suffering, and ensuring the unsub would pay dearly.

The torture worsened, and your condition visibly deteriorated on the live feed. Blood streaked across your face, each breath a struggle. Hotch gripped a chair, his knuckles white, tension radiating from him like a storm cloud.

Derek stepped up, voice calm but firm. "Hotch, man, we’re going to get her. Stay focused. You’re no good to her like this," he attempted to ground his friend in reality.

But before Derek could continue, Garcia interrupted with a vital update. "I got it! I got an address!" Her words shook with the weight of the situation.

Hotch’s expression shifted from despair to determined resolve in an instant. "Gear up; we move now!" he ordered, leading a swift charge towards the exit. The team followed, each member fueled by a blend of professional duty and a deep personal stake in your rescue.

As they loaded into the SUVs, the tension was palpable. Hotch’s mind sharpened, focused entirely on the operation. Every second was agonizing, each tick of the clock stretching into eternity as he planned each move, driven by a silent vow to bring you back safely.

As the SUV screeched to a halt outside the decrepit slaughterhouse, Hotch was already out the door, his FBI vest barely secured. The building loomed ominously, its walls echoing the horrors of its past and now, the terror of the present. Hotch didn't wait for backup or even the tactical count of three; driven by the raw urgency of your screams piercing through the silence, he charged in recklessly.

He was certain he heard Derek--maybe even Emily’s voice call after him, but he didn’t wait. He just went.

The interior was a labyrinth of dark, narrow corridors, the air thick with the stench of decay and old blood that mingled with a faint, metallic scent of fresh blood--yours. Each cry, each plea that he heard fueled him, tearing at his heart and propelling him forward with increased desperation. The sound of your distress was a siren call he couldn’t ignore, and it guided him through the twisted pathways of the building.

Turning a corner sharply, Hotch came face-to-face with the unsub. The man they had been hunting for what felt like weeks, but it only was days. He stood so much bigger--taller…larger than you. The thought and images of this man taking advantage of you…Hotch couldn’t bare to think of it anymore.

He knew what the other victims went through. He was there were some people out there who would have rathered been dead after being at the hands of this unsub. But you, you fought back as long as you could. 

The man lunged, wild-eyed and frenzied, but Hotch was fueled by a deep, seething rage that had been building since the moment he saw the live feed of your torture. He dodged the initial clumsy swing and grabbed the unsub by the collar, throwing him against the wall.

Hotch’s training was precise, but his emotions were raw and unfiltered. As the unsub struggled, striking out to fend off the attack, Hotch’s response was brutal. He unleashed a flurry of punches, each blow landing with the full weight of his fury and fear for your safety. The unsub tried to shield himself, but Hotch was relentless, driven by the vivid images of your pain that played over in his mind.

With each punch, Hotch felt a mix of satisfaction and horror at his own loss of control. The man beneath him was the source of his worst fears made manifest, and in that moment, Hotch was not just an agent of the law but an avenger, a protector whose love had been weaponized by his terror.

His fists were numb at this point--his entire body, honestly. If he had to think back on the only time he felt rage like this, it was when…it was when he found Haley. But he was too late. 

He couldn’t be too late for you. 

He couldn’t. 

The sounds of the altercation echoed through the empty spaces of the slaughterhouse, a stark and grim symphony that underscored the violence of the confrontation. Hotch’s breaths were heavy, his face splattered with the blood of the man he was punishing. It wasn’t until he heard the shouts of his team, echoing down the hall and approaching fast, that he realized how far he’d gone.

“Hotch! Hotch, stand down!” It was Derek’s voice, firm yet filled with concern, cutting through the haze of Hotch’s red-tinted vision.

He paused, his fists still raised, hovering over the now barely conscious unsub. His chest heaved, and his hands trembled with the adrenaline and aftermath of his onslaught. As his team restrained the unsub and called for medical help, Hotch stepped back, his gaze shifting around, searching for you, needing to see that you were safe, to reassure himself that there was still something left to save.

Rossi's voice barely registered as he tried to intervene, his hands reaching out to grasp Hotch's bloodied fists, an attempt to bring him back from the edge. "Hotch, wait!" he shouted, but it was too late. Hotch was already barreling through the next set of doors, his focus singular and unbreakable.

Inside the grim room, the sight that greeted him was one of stark horror and desperation. You were slumped over in a chair, your body limp with exhaustion and pain. JJ and Emily were by your side, quickly working to untie the wires that dug cruelly into your wrists, their edges slick with your blood. Each movement they made was gentle yet urgent, trying to minimize any further harm.

Hotch froze at the threshold, his heart hammering in his chest as the scene unfolded before him. The room was cold, the only sounds were your soft groans and the quiet reassurances from JJ and Emily as they freed you from your bindings. The air was thick, tinged with the iron scent of blood and the stale mustiness of abandonment.

As Hotch stepped closer, the full extent of your injuries became painfully clear. Bruises in various shades of purple and black marred your face and arms, and blood had stained your clothing. Seeing your once vibrant presence reduced to such a state unleashed a wave of guilt so intense it nearly overwhelmed him. He had seen countless victims, had steeled himself against the worst of humanity, but nothing had prepared him for the sight of you, so broken and vulnerable.

The bile rose in his throat as he approached, his steps faltering. The guilt of knowing his last words to you before this ordeal were steeped in anger and frustration made him feel responsible for every mark on your body. He felt as if he had failed you in the most fundamental way.

"Hey, it's going to be okay," JJ was saying softly as she carefully cut the last of the wire. Emily supported your weight, helping you to lean forward as the final restraint was removed.

Hotch's breath caught in his throat as you looked up, your eyes meeting his. Even through the pain and exhaustion, the relief in your gaze at seeing him was palpable. It was a look that pierced through the chaos, through the guilt and the rage, grounding him in the moment, in the necessity of being there for you now.

"I'm so sorry," he managed to choke out, the words barely a whisper as he knelt beside you, his hand hesitating before gently touching your arm, afraid of causing more pain. "I'm here now. I'm so sorry I wasn't here sooner."

The room seemed to contract around him, the walls echoing back his whispered apologies. As JJ and Emily continued to tend to you, Hotch remained by your side, his presence a silent vow to protect and make amends, no matter what it took.

As the medics flooded into the dim, grimy room, their presence was clearly a blur to you, their movements too sudden and intrusive in the vulnerable state you were in. Even as they reached out to drape a safety blanket over your shoulders, your instincts kicked in--raw and frightened like a cornered animal. 

"Don't touch me!" you managed to rasp out, your voice hoarse and strained from the ordeal.

The medics paused, taken aback by the intensity of your refusal but insistent on their duty. "You need medical attention now," one of them pressed, his tone both firm and clinical.

JJ, always the nurturing presence, tried to soothe you, her voice soft and motherly. "Sweetie, they're here to help you. We need to let them do their job." Her intentions were good, but the words felt like another layer of constraint, another set of hands trying to control you.

"No! Just--just give me a minute, please," you snapped back, the room spinning slightly as you struggled to maintain some semblance of control over what was happening to you.

Caught between his role as a leader and his personal feelings, Hotch watched helplessly for a moment, torn by your evident distress. Seeing another medic reach out to touch you again, he couldn't hold back any longer. "Give her a minute!" Hotch's voice boomed through the room, authoritative and commanding, halting the medic's movements instantly.

He turned to JJ and Emily, his eyes pleading for understanding. "Can you give us the room, please?" he asked quietly, the gravity of his tone conveying the seriousness of his request.

JJ and Emily exchanged a glance, their expressions a mix of concern and reluctance, but they nodded, trusting Hotch's judgment. They slowly exited the room, their steps retreating into the echo of the hollow, abandoned building.

Now alone with you, Hotch approached cautiously, his movements deliberate and gentle. He crouched down to your level, keeping a respectful distance to not overwhelm you further. His voice was soft, a stark contrast to the commanding tone he used with the others.

"Hey," he started, his eyes searching yours for any sign of what you might need from him. "I'm here, okay? No one's going to force you to do anything you're not ready for. We can take this as slow as you need." His gaze was steady, offering reassurance without the burden of expectation.

Your bottom lip trembled, the fear and relief mingling into a raw, vulnerable expression as your eyes locked with Hotch's. The familiarity of his presence, a stark contrast to the chaos and pain of the last hours, cracked the last of your composure. 

"Aaron," you whimpered, your voice breaking with the weight of everything you had endured. The sound of his name--the voice he feared he may never hear again--it almost completely broke whatever was left of him. 

"I know, I know," Hotch murmured gently, his voice low and soothing. Carefully, he reached for the safety blanket discarded by the medics. His movements were slow and deliberate, ensuring you felt no threat, only the promise of comfort. He unfolded the blanket with a tenderness that seemed to fill the cold, harsh space of the slaughterhouse.

With the blanket open wide, he leaned in slightly, giving you space to decide. Sensing your readiness, he gently wrapped the soft fabric around your shoulders, enveloping you in a warm embrace that felt like a shield against the harsh world. The blanket was a simple piece of fabric, but under Hotch's careful handling, it became a cocoon, offering the first touch of safety you'd felt in what seemed like forever.

As the blanket settled around you, your defenses crumbled, and you leaned into Hotch, your body instinctively seeking the reassurance of his physical presence. It was a silent plea for comfort, for a sign that it was truly over. Hotch responded without hesitation, his arms opening to receive you. You fell into him, your body heavy with exhaustion and emotional overload.

Hotch held you close, his arms strong yet gentle around you. He rested his chin on the top of your head. He didn't speak; no words were needed. His presence, the steady beat of his heart against yours, spoke volumes. 

As the ambulance doors slammed shut, Hotch took a seat beside you, his presence a silent vow of protection and support. His team had given him a nod of encouragement, understanding the personal stakes involved, and affirming his decision to accompany you. The ride to the hospital was a blur, with the sirens cutting through the bustling city noise, yet inside the ambulance, there was a bubble of strained silence.

Hotch watched every move the paramedics made, each one meticulous and aimed at stabilizing your condition. His guilt was a tangible presence in the cramped space, each bandage they wrapped, each wince you couldn't suppress, felt like a direct indictment of his failure to protect you sooner. He kept his gaze fixed on you, his eyes tracing the lines of pain etched across your face, the consequences of his decisions written on your bruised skin.

Upon arriving at the hospital, the flurry of activity intensified as medical staff quickly took over. They moved you to a triage area where the stark fluorescent lights seemed to highlight the severity of your condition. Hotch remained by your side, a silent observer to the flurry of activity. As doctors and nurses cleaned your wounds, their gentle swipes at the blood and grime felt to him like strokes of accusation, each one whispering of what had happened under his watch.

You sat through it all, the shock still enveloping you like a thick fog, your voice lost somewhere on the floor of the slaughterhouse. You were responsive only to the touch of the medical staff, a nod here, a slight move there, as they stitched up your wounds and ran a series of tests to assess the damage not immediately visible.

Hotch found himself floundering under the weight of helplessness as he watched. The hospital's antiseptic smell, the constant beeping of machines monitoring vital signs, and the soft murmurs of the medical staff discussing your condition, all seemed to echo in the hollow space of guilt inside him. Each stitch they placed was a reminder of every moment you had spent waiting for rescue, every moment he had failed to prevent your ordeal.

Amid the clinical detachment of reports and assessments, Hotch felt an overwhelming need to do something, say something that could bridge the gulf of trauma and guilt between you. But the words were lodged in his throat, stifled by the realization that no apology could undo the pain you endured, no words could erase the scars that would mark this day. 

So, he stayed, his hand finding yours, a silent communicator of his commitment and remorse, hoping that his presence could offer a sliver of comfort in the sterile, cold environment of the hospital.

The doctor motioned for Hotch to step into the hallway, a request he followed with a sense of dread tightening in his chest. The fluorescent lights of the hospital corridor cast a stark glow, making the seriousness of the conversation even more palpable.

"Your partner will need extensive care, both physically and emotionally," the doctor began, his tone professional yet empathetic. "The trauma she's experienced is significant. It's clear she's been deeply affected by what happened."

Hotch nodded, his expression grave. He knew the road to recovery would be long and fraught with challenges, but hearing it so plainly stated by the doctor hammered home the reality of the situation.

"We'd normally recommend a 24-hour psychiatric evaluation under these circumstances to better understand her needs and ensure her safety," the doctor continued. "However, given your relationship and her response to your presence, it seems she might benefit more immediately from familiar support."

Hotch felt a mixture of relief and immense responsibility at the doctor's words. The idea that his presence could offer you some measure of comfort, that he could play a direct role in your recovery, gave him a focused purpose amid the swirling guilt.

"If you’re willing, your support could be crucial right now," the doctor added. "She’s clearly traumatized, and having someone she trusts by her side can make a significant difference in how she copes with these initial hours."

"I'll be here. Whatever she needs," Hotch affirmed without hesitation. The decision was simple in his mind; there was nowhere else he would be, no other role he would rather fill than to be there for you, to try and mend the sense of safety that had been so violently torn away.

The doctor nodded, seeming satisfied with his commitment. "I’ll arrange for a comfortable environment where you can stay with her. We’ll still need to monitor her closely and start working on a treatment plan that addresses both her physical injuries and psychological trauma."

"Thank you, doctor. I appreciate everything you’re doing," Hotch said, his tone sincere. The gratitude he felt for the medical team's efforts was profound, though shadowed by the ongoing concern for your well-being.

With the Unsub in custody and your discharge papers signed, the BAU could take you back home from the case.

As the jet sliced through the skies on the way back home, the interior was filled with a subdued silence. The rest of the team made quiet, gentle attempts to comfort you, but you remained mostly silent, your eyes closed, seemingly retreating into a cocoon of solitude. 

Despite the hum of the engines and the occasional murmurs from the team, the atmosphere was heavy, laden with concern for you and the unspoken tensions of the recent ordeal.

Hotch sat stiffly in his seat, his gaze intermittently shifting from the reports in his hands to where you rested across the jet.

He wasn't in his clear mind to be doing bureaucratic paperwork, but here he was, acting like a coward, afraid to face your reaction to the events he felt he caused.

Each glance was a mixture of concern and self-reproach. The harsh words he had hurled at you before your abduction haunted him, echoing in his mind with relentless persistence.

He was wracked with guilt, convinced that his actions had somehow contributed to the horror you endured, fearing that you would see him now as part of the nightmare rather than a source of safety.

Emily, observant and intuitive, noticed Hotch's troubled demeanor and the distance he maintained. She approached him quietly, her expression serious. "You need to knock it off and go sit with her," she urged, nodding subtly towards you.

Hotch looked up, his frown deepening, a mix of defensiveness and confusion in his eyes. Emily didn’t flinch; she held his gaze steadily. "Right now, I don’t care that you’re the boss, Hotch. She needs you, and you need to make things right."

He opened his mouth to protest, perhaps to say that his presence might not be what you needed, but Emily continued, her voice firm yet filled with compassion. "Look at her, Hotch. She looks broken and shouldn’t be alone. Whatever happened before, whatever was said--it doesn’t matter now. What matters is that you’re there for her when she wakes up."

Her words cut through his hesitation like a knife. Hotch knew Emily was right; his role as a leader was not just to command but to care, to mend the fissures that trauma had wrought in the team, especially in you.

Taking a deep breath, Hotch stood up, his resolve firming. He moved across the cabin, taking a seat beside you. As he sat down, the proximity to you, the sound of your quiet breathing, brought an aching mix of relief and renewed guilt. He watched you, your features relaxed in sleep but still reflecting the shadows of recent pain.

Gently, almost hesitantly, he reached out to take your hand, his touch tentative as if testing whether his presence was welcome. His other hand brushed a stray lock of hair from your forehead, a gesture tender and protective.

When you finally opened your eyes, the weight of the entire ordeal reflected in your gaze, Hotch braced himself for any reaction--hurt, anger, or worse, disgust. However, what he saw instead was relief, a softening around your eyes that eased some of the heavy guilt anchoring his heart.

Sensing your need for comfort, Hotch tentatively opened his arms, an unspoken invitation for closeness. With a small, almost imperceptible nod, you moved closer and cuddled into his side on the jet's couch. His arm wrapped around you, pulling you gently against him, providing a warmth and security that only his presence could offer.

As you settled against him, a quiet sigh escaped you, one that spoke of burdens shared and the beginning of healing. Hotch's heart responded with a surge of protectiveness and affection, his own relief mirroring yours.

In that moment, with the quiet drone of the jet’s engines in the background and the softness of your presence beside him, Hotch felt a profound clarity.

The rest of the team, ever observant, watched this quiet exchange with a mixture of contentment and happiness.

It was more than just seeing one of their own safe; it was witnessing a bond reaffirmed under the harshest of tests. Their expressions held smiles of gentle approval, knowing too well the challenges both of you faced, both personally and as part of the team.

Hotch, holding you close, felt a deep-seated realization settle within him.

Despite the complications and potential risks of intertwining work and personal lives, being together and supporting each other was infinitely better than being apart.

The love that he had tried to compartmentalize away from his professional duties was not a vulnerability but a strength, a cornerstone for both of you to lean on in times of crisis.

Conversations would come later, but for now? This would do.

[edensrose]

𐔌 𖹭 𝑺𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒔𝒕'𝒔 𝑭𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆, 𝑺𝒂𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒖 𝑮𝒐𝒋𝒐 ˖ ࣪✧

ᡴꪫ. age gap & suggestive, kissing, satoru in 30's . reader in 20's . few good years after graduation 𖹭 former student ! f. reader ˖ ࣪ꮽ˳

˖ ࣪ 𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕. ۫ ۶ৎ this is gonna be a loose series lemme know if you wanna be tagged !

kissing satoru gojo is one thing.

but kissing satoru gojo, as his former student, is starkly another.

"what did you . . ." endless chatter falls flat, stolen by your lips. every word pins to his tongue. the same way his eyes do to yours. his hands tremble on your waist — they shouldn't be there. your body flushed to his — he should back off.

you're reeling. drowning. lost in the memory of his lips on yours. frozen in the lock you engaged. you did this. you backed him up into the same desk he carelessly taught you from for years. you put your mouth to his. craved his body on yours. tasted him. teased him.

this is wrong. this is so -

"gojo." you breathe.

very -

"I'm sorry, I just." you press into him further.

wrong.

"just needed you to be my first kiss." your hands venture along the dark fabric of his jacket. sin spills from your fingers. tender caresses, tentative cadences. you hope he pushes you off. scolds you, like he never did back in school. perhaps you could both keep your dignity.

but the strongest stands weak to his favourite. long body cruxed slightly in the position you rendered him. back to the edge of the desk. fingers tight on the edge of it now; he manages to abandon your waist, even if it scorned him. blue eyes hung heavy, you could see it even with the blindfold. lips parted in the way you left them. like fire, like ice, they ghost yours. temptation. tribulation.

he says nothing. how you wished he would. wished he would stop you from doing something stupid. from pressing into a man who's far too old for you. maybe he can still stop you from this twisted fantasy nestled in your head since last year.

you lean in once more. feather another kiss to his pink lips. you're tempted to reach and pull at the fabric obscuring his eyes. so that he might look at you in your entirety. look at what you've become. what he's made you.

"you get it, right?" your eyes bat.

"fuck." his short breath freezes you.

reality hits in the form of a growing bulge outlined and pressed into your thigh. your breath hitches. his heart stops. it's now or never. push or pull. right or,

wrong.

you shove. not him, but on him. you shove yourself. away. anywhere but near him. the one who made you lose that last semblance of control. your gaze holds regret, shame — for starting or for stopping?

you don't know. you don't want to. you're out the door in seconds. the empty hallways bear witness to your scamper. frazzled eyes and short breaths. it seems you still have some decency.

yet still. still.

you wish he'd come after you, and rid you of that damn decency.

͝ ⏝𝅄︶ ͝ ⏝ ⊹ ⏝ ͝ ︶𝅄⏝ ͝

[rika-mmendmethings]

Risqué Sketches | Sylus

Summary: You're an artist at heart with your boyfriend, Sylus, mostly being your choice of muse. What happens when he comes across a sketchbook that holds your innermost desires and has provocative drawings of him?

Warning(s): explicit language, profanity, first-time, reader is implied to be female, innuendos, cunnilingus, bodily fluids, unprotected sex (tap it, guys), p-in-v intercourse, dirty talk, use of pet names like sweetie and kitten, cervix fcking (I am bad at tagging, hope you get the point)

Word count: 4.5k

Now playing: 2 on by Tinashe

Notes: My first work here ♥ This is the aftermath of my ovulation phase starting.

The sound of your 4B pencil gliding over the smooth, pristine paper broke the silence of the maroon room. You began with a simple circle, which, with a few deft strokes, morphed seamlessly into a diamond-shaped face. Next, the sharp outline of the nose, followed by the delicate contours of the ears and neck, all took shape under your skilled hand.

But it was the eyes that always turned out to be your favorite subject to draw. Their deep, ruby tincture was intoxicating, always pulling you in whenever they met your gaze. In this sketch, his eyes were half-lidded, revealing only a narrow strip of that vibrant red, while his lips curved into a smirk that was borderline dangerous.

With a few final flourishes, you put your pencil away, now staring at the image of your boyfriend, Sylus — shirtless, toned, and looking like he might chain you to his bed if you gave your consent. You held the notebook close to your chest and squealed, face tinted with both embarrassment and ardor.

You were an artist at heart, preferring a more characterized style that personified a person’s personality. People were always your favorite things to draw. There was always something satisfying about being able to perfectly capture a person with simple lines and colors. 

Over the course of your relationship, Sylus quickly became your muse — the subject you constantly returned to in your art, the person you longed to capture with perfect precision. As your feelings for him deepened, so did your need to render every detail of him flawlessly. This longing intensified the moment he asked you to be his girlfriend.

What had once been innocent sketches of his sharp, piercing eyes and his Cheshire grins gradually evolved into something more risque, something undeniably charged with desire. Pages filled with nothing but images of a shirtless Sylus, drawn with a quiet intensity, reflected your secret longing for him to take control.

This secret collection of yours was hidden inside the drawers of your study back in your home, only retrieved in the quietest, loneliest hours of the night when the urge to indulge in your fantasies grew too strong to resist. You were far too embarrassed to let anyone, especially Sylus, see these drawings. If he ever discovered what you’d sketched in the privacy of your thoughts, you feared he would end things without a second thought.

So, it was a wonder why you'd carelessly left the sketchbook in your small overnight bag, uncharacteristically exposing it as you prepared to stay at his place. It was an oversight, a lapse in judgment — one that could easily spiral into disaster if you weren’t careful. And yet, some invisible pull urged you to pull it out and continue your drawings. After all, Sylus was out finishing the last deal of the day, and he’d be back at exactly 11:15. It was only 10:30, surely you had a little time to lose yourself in idle fantasy, right?

Your eyes traveled back down to your newest sketch, your brain trying to decide whether or not you were disgusted with yourself or if you should be pleased. The drawing itself seemed alright; the anatomy was near perfect, but the actual content…well…It felt sinful, like drinking too much bubbly soda that left a deep hole in your stomach and spoiled your dinner.

As your eyes drilled into the drawing before you, your mind split into a battlefield of guilt and curiosity, dissecting the morality of repeatedly sketching your boyfriend  — especially the more risqué ones. You questioned yourself, wondering if your art had crossed a line when, suddenly, the door to your shared bedroom opened with a soft creak. You froze as if caught in the headlights of a car, watching helplessly as Sylus walked in, unfastening his cuffs.

"Beloved, I’m home," he announced, his voice light with a relaxed smile. "The diamond deal with Chang wrapped up rather quickly, so I came home and picked up some food for us."

Every profanity you’d ever learned rushed to your tongue in an explosive wave — cursing your bad luck, the spiteful gods, Chang the businessman, and most of all, yourself. This was it. The disaster you had been silently fearing. You should’ve thrown the sketchbook into the fireplace the moment you realized you’d brought it with you during your weekends with your lover—or better yet, you should never have sketched it at all.

You hastily shoved the indecent drawings beneath the maroon sheets, your fingers trembling. "T-that’s… wonderful," you managed, your voice unsteady as you fought to maintain composure. One wrong move, one slip-up, and Sylus’s razor-sharp instincts would catch on. "Welcome home, my love."

You forced a smile, as calm as you could muster, but Sylus’s unblinking gaze made the effort feel hollow. His smile faded into something more inquisitive, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly. With a fluid motion, he removed his blazer and tossed it onto his mahogany armchair. Then, he took a few steps toward the bed, leaving the food untouched on the desk, its rich aroma floating through the air and teasing your senses.

"Wh-what’s up?" You tried to laugh, but it came out half-hearted, your words trailing off in the air as his presence seemed to loom over you, intensifying the tension. Did he really have to stand above you like that? Like a cat toying with its prey before the inevitable pounce?

“Nothing. I think…I think I just like the idea of coming home to you on my bed like this.” He plopped down onto the bed next to you. “That and you are acting quite peculiar.” 

Oh, Lord.

“O-Oh? I am?” you stammered, inching toward the sketchbook in a desperate attempt to shield it from his view, silently praying to any higher power that Sylus wouldn’t notice its presence. Your fingers crawled toward the book, attempting to cover the glaring "SYLUS QIN, MY BELOVED" label emblazoned on the front.

Yet, despite your silent pleas, fate seemed to have something far less merciful in mind.

Sylus’s gaze narrowed, his eyes tracking your every movement, until they landed on the book — half-hidden but still unmistakable. “Ah, you were drawing,” he observed, his tone smooth and steady. “I don’t recognize that cover. May I see it?”

The sensation in your body was electric, every nerve igniting with panic. It felt as though you were doused in gasoline, and Sylus — ever so calm — was holding the match that would set everything aflame. The heat spread quickly to your cheeks, your throat tightening with the sharp sting of embarrassment. His gaze bore into you as if peeling away every defense you had left. You knew, then, that the longer you hesitated, the more suspicion he would harbor.

“Sketchbook?” you croaked, struggling to regain your composure. “Right, yes, I was just… drawing while waiting for you to get home. Totally normal, nothing you’d really want to see.” You grabbed the pad with frantic hands, clutching it to your chest as though it were the last thing keeping you tethered to reality. Your arms shielded it like an impenetrable barrier, a fortress protecting treasures from a curious and relentless dragon.

Sylus’s lips curved into a faint frown, and with barely any effort, he arched a single eyebrow in disbelief. “That’s nonsense, sweetie,” he said, his voice laced with amusement. “I always love seeing your art.”

“I-I really don’t think you’d want to see it,” you stammered, your words tumbling out in a rush. “I mean, the sketches are so rough, they might burn your eyes out. And your eyes are too beautiful to be burned.” You tried to force a laugh, but it felt weak, hollow.

Sylus’s expression hardened into a skeptical frown, his nose scrunching slightly in the way he always did when he wasn’t buying your excuses. And in that moment, you realized — he wasn’t fooled. Not for a second.

Unfazed by your protests, Sylus extended a hand with a swift and decisive motion, reaching for the sketchbook before you could react. Panicked, you scrambled off the bed and hurriedly backed toward the center of the room.

“Beloved, this is nonsense. Why can’t I see your drawings?” Like a predator, Sylus stalked his way towards you slowly yet purposefully.

“Because—!” You blurted out, voice cracking under the weight of your panic.

“Because…?” he prompted, his gaze never wavering, his tone insistent.

He was now mere inches from you, close enough for you to feel the tension radiating from his body, his slight frustration simmering just beneath the surface.

“Because I…” You dragged the word out, trying to buy yourself a moment of clarity. “I want to keep it private?” It was a half-truth, and you both knew it. Sharing your art has always been one of the most intimate ways you connect, a way to reveal parts of yourselves without words. You had never once turned down the opportunity to show him your creations — it was a quiet kind of intimacy you treasured deeply. And now, you were lying to him about it.

The room hung in a thick, charged silence as the two of you locked eyes, a fierce contest of wills. And in that moment, when Sylus’s lips curled into a knowing, almost playful smirk, you realized you had already lost this battle. He knew. He always knew.

“Forgive me for this, alright, sweetie?” he said, his voice low, and before you could react, his arm shot forward with the precision of a strike. He reached for the sketchbook again, and the tug-of-war began in earnest.

You fought back with all your strength, pulling desperately to keep the book out of his reach, but no matter how hard you tried, Sylus’s relentless determination — combined with the strength honed from years of training — meant you were always on the losing side. For every inch you gained, he yanked it back with ease, closing the gap effortlessly.

With one final, forceful tug, you lost your balance and crashed to the carpeted floor, the sketchbook slipping from your hands. Sylus stood over you, his imposing figure casting a shadow as he loomed above. One hand pressed down on the floor beside you, trapping you beneath him, while the other gripped the sketchbook with a satisfied smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

He pulled away, resting some of his weight on your lower abdomen and rendering you immobile. Despite the situation, you couldn’t help but feel a certain way with Sylus on top of you like this. His smirks were always rugged and somewhat sinister in tone, but now, with him on top of you, it felt like electricity shooting through your body and down between your thighs.  

He studied the front of the small binder with a soft chuckle escaping his lips as he glanced at the cover. “Ah, I see why you didn’t want to share this with me,” he mused. “A sketchbook full of nothing but me? Kitten, I’m flattered.”

You squirmed beneath him, desperation rising as you tried in vain to stop him. You pleaded and begged, but Sylus — unfazed — hummed softly as he began flipping through the pages. Each turn of the page only seemed to fuel his already growing ego, his confidence swelling with every passing second. With each flip, you felt as though the moments you had left as his girlfriend were slipping away. Time felt like it stretched into eternity, and worse still, you were powerless to stop it.

“I don’t know why you didn’t want to share this with me, kitten,” he continued, his voice light but laden with curiosity. “These are wonderful—”

His words trailed off as his gaze fixed on the next page. You could feel the weight of his body, the tension in the air, and the shift in his expression as his mouth parted slightly, his eyes widening with surprise. A faint blush tinged his ears, and suddenly, the silence in the room became almost suffocating. The air grew thick with something unspoken between you. Another shiver ran down your spine, like the brush of a ghost’s touch, as his intense ruby eyes met yours. You felt yourself becoming dizzy with the force of his stare, a pull so magnetic it made your body freeze, paralyzed by an overwhelming surge of emotion. You closed your eyes to steady yourself, fighting the urge to fall deeper into him.

You waited for him to speak, to say something, but Sylus remained silent, his gaze still locked on you, his fingers idly turning the pages. The only sound was the faint ringing in your ears, the heavy silence amplifying the tension between you both.

“I knew you would think I was disgusting…” you muttered, the words slipping from your lips before you could stop them.

Sylus shook his head, his expression softening, his eyes crinkling with disbelief at your accusation. “What? No, no…” he said quickly, his voice gentle but firm. “It’s not that, beloved. This isn’t disgusting in the slightest.” He paused, his gaze never leaving yours. “I was just a little… surprised, my love.”

His finger trailed down your neck to the opening of your shirt, leaving a fiery trail of butterflies in its wake and teasingly playing with the buttons. “I didn’t realize you needed me this badly, sweetie…” He whispered in your ear.

“S-Sylus…”

You shifted around, body suddenly searching - yearning - for something, but you weren’t sure what. It was an exuberant, even wanton, anticipation; a breathless pining that consumed every ounce of your being until your mind became clouded with need. Any previous inhibition or self-doubt you had quickly drifted away.

There was some more shuffling of papers and yet another soft chuckle emanated. “Kitten, if you wanted to know how big I was, you could have just asked.”

He held up another picture from your sketchbook, one where you attempted to draw a fully nude picture of Sylus that ended up being scrapped, the only remnant being the question How big even is he? 5, 6 inches maybe?

Instead of being embarrassed by this though, the comment only furthered your lack of restraint, and you had to slowly rock yourself back and forth against Sylus’s thigh to assuage the increasingly empty pit deep within you. Sylus’s lips pressed against your neck once more, surely leaving marks to remember in the morning.

A small whimper escaped your mouth, his hands wandering up further until they palmed your chest. You allowed yourself to move just a bit faster, only for Sylus’s hands to trail back down and tightly grab your hips, forcing you to remain still.

“Sylus, what the hell!” You whined.

“Patience, sweetie. If you want me to make love to you then you have to calm down, alright?” He turned you around so that you were now face to face and kissed you gently. “This is our first time, after all; I want to do it right.”

He continued to press tortuous open-mouthed kisses down your body, unbuttoning your blouse along the way. “You are so beautiful…” He murmured against your skin.

Your back arched from the hint of pleasure feasting your body, picking away at every last bit of sanity until nothing remained. The comfortable clothes you wore suddenly felt too tight and restricting to breathe.

He pushed you onto the bed so your back was flush against the covers, his frame looming over you, and from the tent of his black slacks, you could tell that your estimation of five to six inches was far off.

“Sylus…I need you…” You panted. “Please”

“And you will have me, sweetie.” He assured, the loving smile he only showed you in full view. “But for right now, I just want you to stay still and be good for me, alright?”

His mouth was back on yours before the words of agreement completely passed your lips, and his arms returned to their place on your cheeks, pressing you closer. He led the kiss this time, his tongue hungrily searching for your own, a groan rumbling low in satisfaction when it met its mark.

His mischievous mouth left yours to press kisses to your jawline, your pulse point, your neck. An involuntary whine left your throat when he found the sensitive spot nestled at the bottom slope into your shoulder, his teeth marking it as his own. “You taste so good, kitten,” he murmured, his assault on the thin skin continuing until you were sure it’d bruise. Despite his task, he didn’t miss the way you shivered at the affectionate moniker.

His tongue was back in your mouth, hands traveling from your throat to your collarbone, shifting around your heaving breasts to toy with your swollen buds. His kisses only paused long enough to rid you of the remaining garment before joining your skin again, traveling down to the hollow of your throat, the swelling skin of your breast, leaving violet blooms in his wake. You were writhing, full of need, your hands grasping desperately at his shirt until he took the hint and shifted it over his head.

Leaning back, he traced the outline of each nipple, moving slowly until he could palm each breast, squeezing slightly. “You’re so beautiful, sweetie,” He sighed, molten gaze focused on the sight of his hands full of you. “I’ve been thinking about how these would feel since forever.”  Thumbs pinched and rolled the tender buds, causing you to keen loudly before he smoothed the hurt, lips coming to pull one peak into his mouth.

His tongue swirled against you, fingers alternating their pinching and pulling until you were whimpering. “Sylus, please,” you cried, a hand coming to tangle in his silver locks, tugging at the roots. He chuckled low against your skin, a devilish sparkle in his eyes as he looked up at you. “Shhh, I’ll give you what you want. Let me enjoy this.”

You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth. He was making you crazy with need, taking his sweet time in his torture of your body, and you weren’t sure you’d survive his exploration of you. A lick down your abdomen signaled his ascent, hands trailing down the curve of your pelvis. Bare before him, he admired your form, hands smoothing up and down your thighs. “God damn, you’re fucking sexy. I bet you taste as good as you look.”

Putting a finger in his mouth, you watched helplessly as he suckled the digit, pulling away once It was drenched in his salvia. Electricity raced through your veins when he made sudden contact with your throbbing center, dragging up your slit and pressing against your clit. A loud moan of his name had him grinning, leaning back down until you could feel his warm breath against your cunt. “Is this where you want me?” at your affirmative hum, he nuzzled closer, his tongue darting out to lick a stripe up your sopping core. His movements were slow and skilled, tracing a delicate pattern into your folds until he found the bundle of nerves at the apex. Wrapping his lips around it, he suckled gently, applying pressure until you were crying out for him.

He had you so worked up at this point that it wouldn’t have taken much longer to set you over the edge, his palms keeping you spread as his wicked tongue lashed against your heat. Your hips were undulating against him, hands pulling and tugging his hair as you held him closer. “Fuck, I’m so close, Sylus!” Your eyes rolled back, another moan leaving you. He grunted against you, the vibrations making you shiver. Letting go of your clit with a lewd pop, his fingers trailed up and down your slit, his eyes boring into your own.

A shrill cry left your lips as his efforts doubled, vision blurring with tears as you felt the band in your belly tighten. He had you right on the brink, and you wanted to go over the edge so badly. His fingers were pumping into you wildly, curling to hit that spot that made you see stars, unable to continue forming coherent sentences at his assault. 

The second his lips suctioned back to your throbbing clit you slipped over the edge into orgasm, the white-hot band snapping and blooming from your nerves. Moans tore from your throat, a cacophony of his name. He murmured praises against you, his free hand smoothing circles into your flesh until you came back down, chest heaving. When he was sure it had ended he pulled his fingers out, licking them clean before crawling back over your body. “So good. You are amazing.”

Mouths joining again, he grasped you tight to roll over, switching your positions until you were now straddled on top of his torso. Your hands explored the expanse of him; strong muscles beneath flawless skin, smooth under your fingertips. Shifting your hips, you pressed your dripping heat against his strained erection still painfully hidden in his slacks, lapping up the deliciously low moans he pressed into your mouth. The friction of his pants against your sensitive flesh had you mewling, your lips finally leaving his own to trail messily down his jaw, his neck. Large hands join your own in pulling off the remaining offensive clothing between you, leaving him bare to your greedy eyes. He immediately pressed a reassuring kiss to your lips before grunting, “Hands and knees, sweetie. I'm about to make you see stars in the daytime.”

Shifting below him, you leaned on your forearms until your ass was perched in the air, wet cunt fully on display. A deep growl left his chest at the sight, a hand coming down to slap the flesh presented to him, causing you to yelp. “You’re such a devastatingly good tease, aren’t you?” Another slap resounded in the room, leaving a reddened mark in its wake. “So sexy, and all for me.”

Hips swaying, you taunted him further, the feel of his blunt head toying at your entrance making you whine. “Sylus, please, I need to feel you.” He hummed thoughtfully, continuing the slow drag of his cock against your dripping core. He seemed content in teasing you, enjoying the way you jumped when he brushed your sensitive clit before diving down to catch at your ready hole and sliding his cock to saturate your arousal. He stuttered, a low moan leaving his lips and sending a shiver down your spine as his palms returned to the flesh of your ass. “God, I think I might die.” 

His descent into you was slow, your walls slowly adjusting to his girth to welcome him deeper. You pleaded, “Move, Sylus. I need you to mov—”

An urgent thrust cuts off your words, a gasp tearing from your throat instead. You felt unbelievably full, the slight sting from the stretch quickly ebbing into a low hum of pleasure, one that radiated down to your toes. Eye closing on instinct, you could feel every inch pulse against your sensitive walls, each of his glides torturously slow. You needed him harder, faster - you needed to fall apart against him.

His thrusts started coming at a rapid speed, his cock slamming home harder each time until the slapping sound of skin was echoing throughout the room. You felt the white hot band of your impending orgasm pull tighter, hands furling into the sheets. You wanted to drag your nails down his skin, to destroy him the way he was destroying you, but his current hold on your body prevented any movement.

It seemed he could read your thoughts because the next moment, you were flipped so that your back hit the bed and you were face-to-face with your lover. He ran a hand through his sweaty locks, briefly explaining, “Wanted to see your face as you came. I want to see you all ruined for me.” You felt a rush of wetness at his words, body already following his directions without a second thought.

The devil of a man just smirked, licking his lips as he positioned himself against your weeping core. Grabbing your knees, he folded them back into your chest before sliding home, the guttural groan leaving his chest in perfect harmony with your own. Arms caging you in, his face was inches from your own as he started pumping into you, crimson eyes taking in each expression of pleasure on your face, each whimper and moan from your throat. A particularly angled thrust had you crying out a garbled form of his name, and it was then he knew he found what he had been looking for.

Dewy lips crashed against your own and you were silenced by the overtaking of his mouth, his tongue seeking yours and stealing your breath. Your cries increased in pitch, the build in your lower gut ready to spill at any moment, and yet he continued to swallow each moan, rubbing your throbbing clit with his thumb. 

It was with his next thrust against the tender spot of your walls that had you shouting out his name, orgasm slamming into you until your eyes rolled back and back arched into a dome. Sylus worked you through the high, his hips rolling and grinding into yours until you were messy, nails leaving an angry trail down the skin of his back and biceps.

He cursed, hiding his face in the crook of your neck before finally spilling inside of you, murmurs of your name pressed into your throat as he rolled his hips through his release. You reveled in its warmth, and after a few more lazy strokes he was collapsing on top of you, cock snuggly resting inside your core.

Heavy breaths were the only sound for the next few moments, a content hum leaving your boyfriend's throat as you raised a hand to stroke lazily through his white locks. Your body was sated, thrumming with a calming glow that had every muscle relaxing and your eyes drooping shut.

Unsure of how much time had passed, you were startled when you felt him pull out slowly, his cum spilling from your core. You pout, reaching out for him. “Where are you going? Come back.”

He chuckled, body leaning over yours once more. “Just going to clean up, kitten, don’t worry.” You watch as his eyes look down at the mess he made of you, his sleepy grin now turning dark as he eyed his release dripping down your thighs. Long digits swiped through the milky substance, his heavy-lidded gaze setting your skin ablaze before he pushed it back inside your abused walls, a small squeak leaving your lips. “Keep that where it belongs.”

You must’ve fallen asleep again because you woke to him wiping your tender sex clean, pulling your body upright to slip one of his t-shirts over your naked form. Allowing yourself to flop back down on the bed, you peered up at him as he slid into the bed beside you, wiggling you into his arms. Your head nestled perfectly in the crook of his neck and his hands found purchase on your waist and nape. He started playing with the hair there idly, causing you to melt against him. Silence enveloped you both and you drifted off to the land of dreams, content in the newfound intimacy that had bloomed between you two.

Check out my other works if you liked this ♥

[choslut]

˖ ࣪ ، ◞ せ⌇ BITE ME. featuring m. o’hara.

↻ he doesn’t want to hurt you, but when you beg so nicely, miguel can barely resist.

tags : biting, size kink, fingering, squirting, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, teasing, paralysis, venom usage, mentions of blood/blood licking, dirty talk // wc. 0.8k

author’s notes : MIGUELLLL oh my god i have NOT given up with him even after a year and when the next spiderverse movie comes out it’ll be ALLL over this blog. this is another kind of dark one so again, heed the tags :P notes and reblogs are always appreciated here but please don’t spam (can’t express this enough), and enjoy your read !!

this work is NSFW. minors and ageless blogs DO NOT INTERACT.

“do it.” 

you sit in front of MIGUEL on the bed, hands folded in your lap as you look up at him. he looms over you almost menacingly, hands on his hips as he quirks an eyebrow. “no.”

“do it, miguel. bite me.”

“no, muñeca. i don’t want to hurt you.” (tr : doll)

miguel is unmoving, even as you batter your eyelids up at him and spread your legs a little. “please?”

god, how can he say no when you open yourself up to him so willingly? he’s always wanted to do this, but he always holds back because of his fear of hurting you, but now that you’re literally asking him, begging him for it…

who is he to say no to his little doll?

in the blink of an eye, he’s pinning you down onto the mattress, hands climbing up your thighs and hooking under your panties before pulling them down to reveal your dripping cunt. “how long have you been thinking about this, cariño?” (tr : dear)

your back arches off of the sheets when his thick fingers begin to toy with your aching clit. he’s so large, and to be rendered completely helpless to his venom is a fantasy you’ve kept locked away ever since you started sleeping with him, only mustering up the courage to bring it up with him now. every time he eats, smiles, even just talks and displays those sharp canines of his, you begin to flare up a little.

you want him to bite you so badly that it’s become a need, but every time he’s even gotten close, he’s pulled back. 

but not today.

miguel’s tongue travels a path from your navel up to your neck, fingers staying pressed to your now rapidly pulsing hole. “you look so pretty under me, baby,” he purrs, the spanish lilt to his voice sending a waterfall between your legs. “gonna make a mess of my girl tonight.”

you gasp sharply when you feel his teeth against your jugular. it never occurred to you how good it would feel, and adrenaline rushes through your veins when you feel his tongue come into contact with your skin. “miguel…”

“are you having second thoughts?” before you can answer him no, his fingers slip into your cunt, and your response is cut off by a breathy moan. “we can always stop here if you want, mi vida.” (tr : my life)

you shake your head deliriously. the feeling he gives you is toxic, yet you feel as though you could get addicted, and when you feel the sharp points of his teeth begin to pierce the skin of your neck, you can hardly hold yourself back. 

he’s barely done anything yet you’re cumming on his fingers, the sheets below you moistening with the juices of your release. miguel smiles against the curve of your neck, tongue repeatedly flicking against it and hips grinding down onto your spread thighs. “did you just squirt, angel? i’ve barely done anything.”

“f-feels good,” you babble, vision flickering with dark spots as his teeth dig in deeper. “more, please, need it s’bad.”

“lo sé, muñequita, i’m gonna give it to you.” his voice is muffled as he attaches his lips to your neck fully, teeth finally sinking into you as he begins to inject you with his venom. (tr : i know, little doll)

it feels different to what you expected. instead of the sharp pain accompanied with regular biting, you feel light, muscles relaxing as you feel an irregular warmth spread throughout your body. miguel’s heavy fingers in your cunt suddenly feel featherlight, and as he presses up into your overstimulated g-spot, your back arches. 

or at least, it tries to. you’re rendered completely helpless, seemingly stuck to the mattress as you blink up at him hazily, body unmoving. his large hand cradles your cheek and he looks down at you, tutting and cooing as he watches you try to move against him futilely. 

“are you feeling comfy, muñeca?” you try to nod, but all that comes out is a muffled grunt of affirmation. (tr : doll)

“good,” he says, and you feel his heavy cock pressed against your tummy. he’s big, and yet you can’t get away, trapped under his large form as he teases your drooling hole with his engorged tip. 

it seems as though the venom has increased your sensitivity too, because when he finally sheathes himself inside, you find yourself cumming again, eyelids flickering as he returns his fingers to play with your clit. 

and still, you don’t move, legs not even shivering as he pushes you relentlessly into overstim, the blunt head of his cock diving deeper and deeper with every thrust until he reaches your cervix. it’s so good that it’s almost torturous, and you swear you cum again for the third time that night. 

“you’re squeezing me so hard, belleza. you sure the venom’s working?” miguel is such a tease and he knows it, leaning down to lap at the blood dripping from his bite mark before leaning into your ear, lips just brushing its shell. (tr : sweetheart)

“gimme another one, pretty, i know you can.”

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© choslut 2024 — do not copy, repost or translate my works without permission.

[aethelwyneleigh27]

Realizations

Dad!Simon Ghost Riley x Wife!Reader

Thank you guys so much for 1k, it means the whole world for me because now once did I expect to ever have my page grown this big and not once had I imagined that I would make these many friends here who happened to be so sweet. Also to @connorsui who has been most definitely been waiting the answer to this.

So in honor of 1k, I wrote this long awaited backstory for Ghost and Lovie (Ghostie's parents) that I hope you guys will enjoy since it so happens that our beloved @ave661 has posted another Dad!Ghost render. (Credits to her again for the renders in this post <3) (Sweetie, I love you but that tag on Soap with this render was unnecessary 😭🫶)

To the people who congratulated me, through replies, likes and reblogs, I owe y'all a fat kiss. Mwahhh <333

My CoD Masterlist

Taglist: @wishesforyou @puff0o0 @simp4konig @blingblong55 @azereus @rustic-guitar-notes @shadofireshinobi @09maruchan @anonymuslydumb @skeletalgoats @icarustypicalfall @ghosts-cyphera @cutenote @connorsui @capuccino192 @thesnowurzikdjinn @miss-gms-and-the-rotten-womb @celestialhole @trepaika @starryylies @demidemon09

Warnings/Disclaimers: Stalking (not by Simon), Typical mentions of CoD violence?, Mentions of Simon's past abuse, Creepy guy?? (Not Simon), Mentions of violent and a bit gory descriptions on what wanted to do to the stalker, This is not proofread yet.

With the words of my mother and in true reputation style, Are you ready for it?

I think I need to say this on my account again, English is NOT my first language and all copyrights regarding the plot and some characters within the storyline belong to me. Edit: please help me y'all, I'm losing so much relevance in the span of less than a month, my recent works have gotten nothing and I'm scared that this post proves that. I think I've learned my lesson never to take breaks ever again 😭

Simon never imagined himself in this predicament, always thinking that he'd be out there somewhere, more likely drowning himself in a mission. Not even a home, he thought that if it hadn't for your persuasiveness to interact with him back then then he'd still be back in that shitty apartment complex.

Simon placed his duffle bag on the wood of the porch, the jingling of his keys while he looked for the correct one. He tried his best to make as little noise as possible, it was passed midnight, the last thing he would want was to disturb his wife and daughter from resting.

Hauling the duffle bag in and throwing it on the couch, Simon opt to see what his girls were up to. The giggling and commotion making him smile, you both were supposed to be asleep by now but you were unable to put her to rest because she's just too hyper, so that left you to entertain her by tossing her up and catching her.

"Dada..!" A squeal from the room came, the little one snapping her head to the opening of the door making you look as well, Simon took a peek from the half-way opened door.

Adorable little thing clapping her hands together, pleased that her dad is home while sitting on her mom. She got off, crawling near the edge of the bed with no sense of danger, fortunate for her that her dad is quick with catching her before you could.

You took a deep breath from the shock, looking at your husband and smiling sweetly at him. He asked you not to get off the bed as you were about to, laying next to you he snakes his arm underneath you on your waist and pulls you in.

"I missed my girls.." He said, voice deep and laced with exhaustion, despite that his hold and gaze was the warmest it could be.

"We missed you too Si, so much." You mumbled as your eyes flutter shut to enjoy his touch. You opened them to the sound of a kiss, he kissed the little one's forehead then yours.

Sometimes you vaguely remember the first time he and you met, how it even came to be, this life of domesticity. You, him and your little girl, family is a heavy word for Simon but it was just perfect. This was the family he wanted, the family that he thought he didn't deserve and never would have.

The feeling of coming home to all this started because you were so forgetful, who knew that would be the skill that brought you to him..?

• ──── ✦ ──── •

He emptied his pockets, to the lieutenant's dismay, the box of cigarettes only had one stick left. Since he was going out to smoke it anyway, he might as well get another box from the convenience store nearby. He took his keys from the kitchen counter and headed out, hearing a little commotion that peeked his interest.

Simon never paid much mind to whatever was going on within his apartment building despite the many gossips that were present within the building and the renters. So it happens that the old lady next to his place mentions how they'll be a new tenant in the other apartment next to his.

'Thank God' Simon thought, not that he was particularly religious but he'd been hoping for the longest time for the former renter to leave because let's be honest, who wants to live next to a frat boy with no sense of shame or consideration given that walls are thin? Little did he know he'd be blessed with the next one..

"Oh- I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to.." Simon hears a voice from a little below him, he'd only register what had happened after the fact. Poor girl carrying this box bumped into him a little too hard, so much so that she stumbled back a bit.

You stared up to the 6'4 man blinking, he only shrugged it off to which you smiled to. You tried to make small talk since you were new and it wouldn't hurt to at least know one person right? After all, you were trying to step out a bit of your comfort zone.

"Hi.. I'm [Name].." He only stared at you for a while and replied, "Simon.." you gave him a warm smile before nodding and continuing to bring the boxes into your new apartment while your new neighbor entered the elevator.

You cut the boxes open to start unpacking, a few minutes in and you decided to go on a short break, you rummaged through the small box of food only to find that the recently bought box of tea was empty. You sighed at this, humming as you remembered the convenience store you passed by earlier on the way to the apartment.

Taking your keys and locking the door behind you, you made your way out the complex and walked a few blocks, you only started to notice how late it was with the streetlights coming on even though the sun is only about to set. That's something to get used to, hmm?

The cool breeze hits your skin as you enter, scent of faint instant coffee and many other kinds of foods and products made themselves known. You walked around for a while, checking on what other things you might need but then you tried to remind yourself that you were saving up and on a budget so you took a box of tea and walked up to the register.

You heard footsteps behind you falling in line, after placing the box on the counter, you searched your pockets for your wallet.

'Shit..!' you cursed yourself out mentally trying not to panic as Simon basically watches you frantically patting your pockets, you left your wallet back at the apartment. "You left your wallet-" Simon stated the obvious, "I'll cover it.." there wasn't even a time to argue with him, he just stepped next to you and placed the pack of cigarettes.

"I'll pay you back as soon as we get back to the apartment" You insisted to which Simon only shrugged and declined, it's just a box of tea and it's not like it'll make him go bankrupt, besides he liked your taste, the one you got happened to be his favorite brand.

Since you were headed in the same place anyway, you and Simon walked back together side by side, however one thing you did find odd was when he gently took you wrist and pulled you inward next to him, he was the one now closest to the road.

The walk back was silent, a comfortable silence. A few days after that encounter, you made sure to make an effort for him to know that you appreciated his gesture back at the convenience store. The lieutenant was alarmed by the knock on his door, opening it to find no person but a tupperware filled with buttery shortbread cookies.

He smiled at how tiny the plastic container looked in his hands, how he noticed the note attached "Thanks for the tea, this isn't that special but I hope you like it -[Name]" and the Sanrio themed stickers stuck onto the lid and on the top part of the tiny note. You ran out of sticky notes..

Simon found himself snacking on those cookies later on, oddly enough, they reminded him of his mom.. how she used to love baking back then, it was her way of escape whenever Simon's "father" wasn't home, as well as gardening.

For the first time in a while Simon "Ghost" Riley let out a smile that wasn't smug or a smirk but a genuine smile, one that had warmth to it, one that no matter how hard his mind tried to surppress it, his body refused to.

It didn't take long for you and Simon to get to know each other a bit, little by little it seemed like you two were becoming like friends rather than just neighbors. Let's be honest, who just randomly gives their neighbors weekly baked goods for the sole reason of "just because they wanted to"?

You found yourself always looking forward to the Friday nights chilling with him at the rooftop, mugs with hot tea on hand while he smoked and you read.

Listening to his stupid jokes and remarks that slowly turn into deep conversations and life things. Simon was just... far more open than he's ever been, sure he's talked about his day before to his comrades but never like this, not in a way where he's pouring his heart out, letting you in on how he feels about certain things.

He just got back from a mission, a rough one to be exact. Shoulders slumped from exhaustion as he walked the streets near the apartment complex, no space for his bike so he had to leave it somewhere private while he fidgeted with it's keys.

Simon swore that he almost jumped out of his own body, first instinct being to push you off but he recognized you. He gave you a questioning look, hands were shaking as you so desperately linked you arm around his.

"Hmm?" He hummed, hearing you mumbling something but it was incoherent to his ears.

"Behind us.. please Si, help..." Come to think if it, you never knew when Simon turned into Si. Best believe he knew and still remembers when perfectly.. not the time, there's a serious threat, he didn't look. He didn't need to, guessing by the heavy footsteps, some creep decided to follow you at this hour.

He slowly slipped his arm away from your grip and snaked it around your waist, pulling you in closer to his side while the two of you continued treading closer to the complex. You closed your eyes for a few seconds at a time hoping it would end.

• ──── ✦ A few days later ✦ ──── •

Knocking, frantic knocking was what Simon heard at his door. He wasn't expecting anyone, so why the sudden visit? He opened the door and saw you, Simon knew something was off from the look on your face, you looked pale as if you were sick to your stomach while trying so desperately to catch your breath.

"Can I please come in.. Simon..?" You asked in between breaths. You looked around you, especially behind you, body shivering a bit. He took notice of this and had no hesitation, he pulled you in by your arm. His grip firm but gentle, Simon closed the door behind him.

"Remember that guy who was creeping around when I asked for your help..?" You tried to explain but Simon already knew the moment your mouth opened. You had a stalker.. it was best to call the cops on shit like this.

Simon did his best even though not knowing much about how to comfort someone, he did well in making you feel safe without having to tell you that he'll do so, you just know it in your gut that he'd protect you even if it's just now.

Your breath picked up, slowly backing away from the door as you heard footsteps, clenching your fists and hoping that he didn't see you enter Simon's door. Simon wrapped his arms around you, keeping you in place and from further backing away from the door.

You felt his palm drag up and down your back, it was extremely warm, it stopped for a while. His arm wrapped around your waist, other hand in your hair pushing your head down a bit so it was buried in his chest while you gripped his shirt. Simon felt your trembling body against him slowly relax.

"Deep breaths, angel.." The nickname he whispered would've made you smile under any other circumstance but not right now, you needed to calm your nerves before you panic and make an impulsive decision that could hurt yourself. Like instructed, you followed along Simon's demonstration, pressing his forehead onto yours maybe just a bit too intimately.

You winced at the loud sound of banging on the door, you knew it too well. Simon shoved the handle of his combat knife in your hand, he told you that if anything were to happen, protect yourself with it.

As soon as the Lieutenant swung the door open, you could hear punches, things knocking over and among other things, your stalker's voice.

You'd never forget that, how pitchy it was. Nails on the chalkboard was the best way to describe it, how the man was cackling almost made you annoyed. Simon called on security and the man was dealt with, you came out from hiding and saw both fear and anger in Simon's eyes.

You would never know how much he wanted to tear that man's heart after skinning him alive for even bringing fear into your eyes.

Simon "I care too much for someone I just met" Riley finally saw how his knuckles and fingernails were caked with blood, went off to go wash it and himself.

Getting back to you after half an hour, you reached out for him only for him to withdraw, you looked at him confused and he looks at you with pure guilt..

Your eyes widened in realization, "Oh Simon.. I'm not scared.." you smiled at him. He reached out a shaky hand to you, hesitating before closing his hand back.

You took his hand in yours, bringing it up to your lips and giving it a small kiss, hoping it calms his nerves. Well it did the opposite, it even more overwhelming for him having you kiss his palm while you look up at him, watching you nudge your face into his palm so invitingly.

The way your lashes just sat perfectly atop your cheeks while you slowly blinked up at him. Pressing the same scarred and calloused hands that almost killed a man that night on your face and rubbing the back with you thumb.

Simon had never felt that much guilt before for hurting someone, only after he saw the look in your eyes, which in turn were not something he caused. For the first time in his life too, Simon was comforted by something or rather someone immensely..

[arlowthenacho]

cherry wine

(carmen berzatto x reader)

summary: carmy has panic attack and calls for you.

warnings: cussing, fem presenting reader, kissing, intended lowercase, please let me know if i misses anything !

wc: 975

a/n: omg its finally done...part 2 to “that funny feeling” !! its a bit short but i dont have the patience for anything longer lmao. @unbearableblog ik you wanted to be tagged so here you go <3

its been a week.

a week since carmen invited you to his house. and the funny thing is, its happened again. more than again, actually.

within the seven days after he originally asked you to come over, you’ve been invited to come back about 5 more times, all for the same reason. being a little taste tester for carmy. telling him what needs salt and what’s too bland and what’s perfect and doesn’t need any more tinkering.

and what’s even funnier than the fact you’ve been in carmen berzatto’s kitchen at 11:00 pm for the better part of the week is the fact he hasn’t tried to get in your pants at all. not once.

all he’s done is…talk.

about you, about him, about his family, and about yours. and its been nice.

refreshing.

seeing this other side of him, this vulnerable side of him, has been almost eye-opening. everything you thought he was had been turned to dust and reborn with new perspective. carmen berzatto wasn’t just the guy who occasionally hooked up with you to let off some steam anymore.

he was soft, and gentle, and vulnerable, and sweet. sure, he had his faults. his stubbornness, his ceaseless need for perfection, and most of all, his pride, but the sweet balanced the sour.

your thoughts drift back to the show playing on the t.v briefly, when a buzzing in your back pocket stuns you out of focus.

carmy parmy 🧑‍🍳

can u comw over?

huh. carm never really misspelled words. whatever.

course! gimmie likeee 15 mins

carmy parmy 🧑‍🍳

please come quickly

shit. now you’re worried.

you hastily make your way towards your bedroom and throw on a hoodie and leggings, damn near sprinting to your car.

after turning on the ignition and pulling out of your garage, you’re right back where you were a week ago. only this time you wear a concerned frown.

“carmen?” you rap your knuckles against the door, your breaths coming short and shallow.

“its unlocked,” his voice is hardly his right now. its all television static and distance.

you burst through the door and frantically scan the room for any trace of carmy. after a couple seconds of searching, you see him curled into himself on the floor of his kitchen, hands in his hair.

your heart drops six feet deep as you sit next to him, taking his hands into yours.

“hey, carm. what’s the matter, hmm?” you spoke with a foreign gentleness, a tone that was never usually present between you and carm.

“i just—i cant…” he hyperventilates. “i can’t breathe,”

and within a second, your blood was lead and dropping your organs to hell.

“i cant—”

he can barely finish his sentence before being enveloped in your arms. the sinking in your gut was still present, but you ignored it. you both just sat on the floor, holding each other together.

after a while of holding carmen, his breathing had somewhat evened out. he releases the white-knuckling grip on your shoulders and lifts his head from your chest. you brush the stray hairs out of his eyes and smile softly.

"hi, baby,"

he takes a stuttering breath.

"hi."

"what happened, carm?" you whisper, not daring to break the silence you both have fallen into. carmen takes another deep breath before letting the words fall from his lips.

"its, uh. family stuff. my mom is fucking insane and it just..." he pauses, takes another breath, and continues. "during christmas one year, she went really crazy. and it gave me some lasting issues."

your heart ached for him in a way that you can't explain. he spoke a little more about his warped family dynamics before trailing off. he meets your eyes again, but with a look in his eyes that you can't quite place. you're rendered speechless for a second before finding the words to say to him.

"you're safe now, baby. you're safe now." you pick the both of you off the floor and towards the couch, still grasping carmen tightly.

another week passed since carmen had the panic attack.

that night, you stayed at his house for the first time. you're departure was abrupt and maybe a bit rude, but in your defense, you panicked. however, you have been over his apartment pretty frequently for one reason or another.

today, you've been invited over to cook.

its 12:34, which is a normal time for carmen to ask for you, when you start to get ready. you only throw on a bra, some socks, and more comfortable shorts before you get in your car and drive to carmen's.

your knuckles rap against his door twice before he opens it.

"hey, hi, come in," he rushes out, mindlessly taking your hand and dragging you inside.

"oh, alright then," you mumble, letting yourself be pulled into his space.

the kitchen smells like an array of spices and you look at the bottles that litter carmy's counter. rosemary, tumeric, paprika, chili flakes and more things that you can't pronounce are written on the glass.

you're pulled out of your thoughts when carmy picks you up by the waist and places you on a clean portion of the counter. you smile at him and swing your legs against the cabinets below.

"what do you have for me today, carm?" you tease.

"this."

he nearly lunges for you and attaches his lips to yours. he tastes hungry, like hes been starved of your lips for an eternity. you gasp an press back into his mouth with a matching passion. his hands find your waist and yours find his hair. a whirlwind of pulling and tugging sends you both into a frenzy before he parts away for air.

"this wasn't about the food, was it?" you breathe. he giggles, the sound akin to something angelic.

"no, it wasn't. it never was."

[importantstudentbusinessspy-blog]

Hey, Neighbor

Masterlist

Pairing: Jason Todd x (f) Reader

Tags: NSFW, mystery, smut, oral (f receiving), sex pollen, Ivy's toxin, pwp, incorrect science (im so sorry to women in S.T.EM.), morally ambiguous Jason Todd, neighbors, nerdy reader, smoking

Chapter 4:

Jason returned home after a long evening of searching Elizabeth Islington's apartment, a sinking feeling in his gut from what he found. The most difficult thought was that he was going to have to leave you one mentor short. As he opened the door to his loft, he was met with an unexpected sight. You, one of your scarves neatly tied around your eyes, eagerly awaiting him in your pink nighty, a bright smile on your face.

"Hey..." he said cautiously, noticing the odd happiness radiating from you. "What’s with the blindfold?"

You sighed dreamily, a sound catching him him off guard. "I’ve been thinking about something, and it requires you not to wear your mask."

Jason raised an eyebrow, intrigued. He indulged, amused by your demeanor. "Alright," he said, removing his helmet and setting it aside.

Your heart raced when you heard him take afew steps towards you.

I want to kiss him. I've wanted to kiss him since the day he stepped in to save me two years ago. Being close to him these past days has been so difficult, trying to keep it together when all I wanted was to be in his arms.

You stood, taking a tentative step toward him, trying to navigate the room in your blindfold. Jason quickly closed the distance, placing a steadying hand on your arm to prevent you from bumping into the kitchen island.

You smiled up at him, your voice breathless. "I've wanted to do this for a long, long time." You whispered before wrapping your hand around his nape and pulling him down for a kiss.

The unexpectedness of your action surprised Jason, his grip on you tightening. He let himself be kissed by you. A small, sweet kiss on his lips. You laid kisses on his cheek, along the stubble on his jaw and down to his neck, running your fingers through his silky hair as he let out a gasp above you. Jason noted how your kisses were filled with the pent-up emotions, I made him eager to return the gesture.

Your hands clung to him, desperate and needy, making Jason's mind race. The softness of your lips, the desperation with which you pressed against him, was the most tempting drug. For now, he let himself be kissed, growing more passionate and urgent. The feel of your lips on his neck, the softness of your arms around him, it was everything he had imagined for the past couple of days. "What brought this on?" he let the question out in a chuckle, his voice low and rough.

You bit your lip, grasping the bottom of his shirt and hiking it up to place kisses on his abdominal muscles. "I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long, Red." You said, licking his skin, unable to resist him. On your exploration, you felt places where the skin was raised, signaling his scars. Your need to know who he was behind the mask overwhelmed you. "Being close to you, to my hero, it's been so hard not to. I just... couldn't hold back anymore."

Your words faded away as his vision slowed down suddenly. The drug, the kiss, the sudden turn of events. It all rendered him powerless against the primal hunger that surged inside him.

Oh god.

He was an idiot. He was drugged. You were drugged. But that meant… had Ivy been in here? How did she get in? How did she drug... Fuck... your lips... your lips on his skin... what had he been thinking about?

He pulled you close, his lips engulfing yours, Groaning, he pulled away for a breath, leaving you whimpering at the loss of his touch. "We can't..." he said weakly, his restraint waning.

"Hmm?" You asked behind the blindfold. Your hands roamed over his broad shoulders, the need to touch him, to feel his body, muscles, scars, was urgent, mixing with the pounding of your heart.

Jason was forgetting what he was resisting when you licked his nipple. “Mhmm," he groaned, the sound sending a spark of electricity to your core. "Y/n, we can't -"

You blinked behind the blindfold, utterly confused. "Why not?"

"You... hmm, I don't know..." His words were slurred though he sounded genuinely concerned as he continued. "I think... we're not... I... things."

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion behind the blindfold. Then you let out a giggle. "You're funny, Red."

"Im not. Trust... me..." Jason gasped, closing his eyes before dropping his forehead to yours.

The heat in your core mingled with the fog in your mind. All you knew was you needed him. It was a primal, animalistic need, fueled by the pheromone-laden kiss.

She's a minx, a vixen, Jason thought. Against his better judgment, it excited him. He pulled you flush against him and finally allowed himself to kiss you back. You responded eagerly, hips moving as instinctively as your heart, giving into the primal hunger that had been building up within you for such a long time. His hands roamed over your body, mirroring your own. Your breath came out in short pants, as the world around you fell away in the face of his lips meeting yours, claiming you with a certainty that left you breathless.

Jason's grip on you tightened, and he lifted you onto the kitchen countertop with ease. You gasped when you felt the blindfold being lifted from your eyes. Your vision swam, adjusting to the dim light coming in from the afternoon rainclouds outside as his eyes met yours.

Deep, dark blues that you recognized right away looked at you drunkily. They consumed you. You looked into his eyes, into the eyes of the Red Hood. The eyes of your neighbor, Jason.

As his eyes bore into yours, the surprise and confusion you felt began to wither away, replaced by an undeniable realisation. It was him: the man who had been haunting Gotham with a vigilant fervour; the man who had single-handedly turned the tide of crime in favour of the residents; the man who, try as you might, had captured your imagination every night in a new fantasy.

Was this real? You wondered, your heart racing. Can this be happening?

“Jason?” You breathed, your voice trembling as his name left your lips.

You needed confirmation that the man whose lips you so desperately craved was indeed the city's guardian. "Jason?" You asked again, voice shaking with a mix of excitement and confusion as you processed the situation.

He nodded

Oh god.

It was so much to take in. Your heart was racing; you couldn't think. "Jason, oh god,"

This whole time, it's been him. He was the one. The one who saved you. More than once. The one that took you in. Who acted like he didn't know you. Who drove you insane with his touch and words these past few days.

"Oh god, please, Jason," Your whispered words burned through his mind, making him clench his teeth as his control slipped further away. He looked at you, the hunger and desire etched deeply on his face.

He moaned your name. You couldn't express how good it felt to hear it on his lips. Lowering his lips in a trail of kisses down your throat. You gripped the countertop, arching your back as a moan escaped your lips. It was like all the pieces were finally falling into place. He was your hero and savior. Your Jason.

He pulled down the top of your dress, exposing your breasts. Your nipples pebbled immediately in the cool air of the room. His lips claimed one of them flicking at its twin with his finger. Your hands gripped his hair. The toxin you were both affected by made every sensation heightened, overwhelming. Your nipples felt like two live wires, electricity coursing through them and into your core. Every flick of his skilled fingers made you moan and arch into his touch.

You've read studies about some people’s ability to reach orgasm from just nipple stimulation. But nothing could have prepared you for the way your entire body seemed to shiver at Jason's touch.

The feeling was exquisite, almost painfully so. It was as if your nipples had been directly linked to your clit, the sweet sensation of pleasure travelling down with every flick and touch of Jason's fingers and lips.

You cried out again, gripping his shoulders as you arched further against his touch.

He knew exactly what you wanted, but the need to hear you plead for him was like an aphrodisiac. He felt himself harden further, his erection straining against his underwear.

He pinched your nipples between his thumb and forefinger, making you arch up into him. The pain mingled with the pleasure of his lips on your skin, and your hands grasped at his shoulders desperately. You tried to speak once more, but it was more of a breathless gasp than anything coherent. You felt a familiar feeling as your body began to shake. "Jason, please... don't stop."

You moaned, desperately trying to grind your aching core against him. The pulsating heat and growing wetness between your thighs seemed to be a never-ending source of discomfort and need. Your hips moved instinctively, seeking relief against him. But Jason held back, placing his hands on your hips to still you. His forehead dropped to yours, and he took deep breaths, trying to regain control.

Jason nuzzled into your neck. You opened your mouth to speak, but Jason captured your lips in a searing kiss, effectively silencing you. He deepened the kiss, his tongue slipping into your mouth to tangle with yours. "Fuck, baby. Ever since I saw you on that porch..." he muttered against your lips.

"That night you moved in?" you slurred in a wisper.

"Mhmm." He nodded. "You wore the cutest little skirt. When you sat up, I could see your pink panties." His hand went under your dress. The feeling of him touching you there through your soaked underwear was too much. You bit your lower lip.

He groaned, clenching his jaw at the intensity of his want. Crouching down before you, he tugged up your silk dress. The cold air of the room ghosted over your wetness, making you shiver. Feeling his gaze locked on your exposed sex, you looked down to see him staring at you with a primal hunger that seemed to steal your breath away.

"Please..." you whispered softly, raising a hand to touch his cheek. He leaned into your touch, eyes closing as though savoring the sensation. When he opened them again, his expression was harder than ever.

Without warning, his tongue flicked out and tasted your entrance. You gasped, and your hands flew to his hair as he devoured you with hunger. Your heart raced as he held you in place, his tongue sliding against your slit. Taste of your arousal on his tongue was like a drug he couldn't get enough of. His hands tightened on your hips, pulling you even closer to him as he delved deeper into the folds of your sex.

You gasped, shuddering as raw need pulsed through you. The intensity of Jason's touch was unlike anything you had ever experienced before, and your body responded instinctively. You arched your back, pressing against his mouth as your fingers tangled in his hair. When he began to lick rough circles around your clit, your body began to shake and your back arched as your orgasm took over your senses.

Carried away by the sensation, you wrapped your arms around Jason's neck, pulling him closer.

Jason gripped you tightly, breathing you in through your climax as if he never wanted to let go.

The sensation you felt was warm, desperate, and full of the pent-up emotions that had built up between the two of you.

Only... only you began to feel odd. Oddly good... like, so, so, good. You wanted to fall asleep.

Jason wouldn't have thought anything of it, he's had plenty of women falling asleep after he'd given them orgasms, and yours was an intense one at that. Only... your lips... we're turning green. A beautiful, mesmerizing shade of green. He didn't want to look away... until one voice in the back of his mind kept repeating the word "poison".

Jason sat up. He picked you up and stumbled as he carried you to the couch, laying you down. "Oh fuck, fuck!"

He rummaged through his kitchen, looking for the antidote Batman and Alfred had created for Ivy's toxin that all of the Wayne's had stored in case of emergencies.

When he finally found the vial, he first took one sip of it, knowing he'd needed it first if he was going to take care of you. Then he stumbled back to you, gently tilting the antidote into your lips. "It's okay, baby. You're okay, you're alright," He wispered as you moaned, disoriented and sleepy against him.

Since it hasn't been too long since he had been affected by the poison, the antidote took effect quickly enough. But for you, it took some more time. So Jason stayed on the couch, wrapping his arms around you as you came down from the toxin. The entire time, all that was on his mind was a hope that you'd be okay.

[whoreforsexymen]

Hi, love! This request is for prompt #34 on your list ("That's not nearly desperate enough."). I saw a post saying how Jayce gives off major girl dad vibes, and needless to say I've been thinking about it relentlessly. Because you cannot tell me that man does not have some form of breeding kink

So I was thinking, potentially in the middle of sex or not— your choice, Jayce says one thing or another about wanting a baby. It's the reader who basically makes him beg for it. Not because they need convincing, but because they are simply a little shit. Thus comes the "That's not nearly desperate enough." Upon a fine amount of begging and those damn eyes of his

Then, depending on which route you go with how this ensues, perhaps the following smut of the reader showing Jayce some mercy. Thanks!

Beg | Jayce Talis

Pairings: Jayce Talis x Fem!Reader

Pronouns: None used, but AFAB anatomy descriptions!

Rating: NSFW, 18+, MDNI !! You WILL be blocked!

Word Count: 2.2k

Tags: Breeding Kink, Sub!Jayce (kinda), Power Bottoming (kinda), Fingering

Summary: You make Jayce beg to cum inside you :)

Notes: Prompt List, (Prompts used below)!! Decided to combine these two asks!! Enjoy, my lovelies <3

1. “Stop looking at me like that or else I’m gonna cum too fast.”

9. “That’s a bold decision, considering how I’m balls deep in you right now.”

34. “That’s not nearly desperate enough.”

“Stop looking at me like that, or else I’m gonna cum too fast…” Jayce’s voice was low, trembling with strain as his hips faltered against yours. The heat of his confession spilled into the air between you, thick and heavy, like the tension that coiled in his chest and knotted in his stomach. His breaths came in shallow gasps, his control slipping with every passing second under the weight of your gaze—sharp, hungry, and devastatingly unintentional.

You smirked, slow and wicked, as though savoring the power you held over him. Leaning in, your eyes locked onto his with a deliberate, sultry focus that made his pulse thunder in his ears. The intensity in your gaze was an artful torment, a silent promise to draw him out, to unravel him completely. His admission had emboldened you, as though he had handed you the exact weapon with which to ruin him. You tilted your head ever so slightly, the subtle motion laced with playful cruelty, shaking it softly, as if to say you have no plans to ever stop.

Jayce’s breath hitched as he bit down hard on his bottom lip, his last-ditch effort to stifle the tidal wave building within him. The heat radiating from your body, the way your lips curved into that knowing smile, the way your eyes burned into his soul—all of it was too much. His hands gripped at the sheets like a lifeline, his knuckles whitening with the effort it took to hold back. But there was no sanctuary here, no reprieve from the way you looked at him.

Your eyes—Gods, your eyes—they were his damnation and his salvation. They held a power over him that was almost supernatural, stripping him of every wall, every defense, leaving him raw and exposed in their glow. They spoke volumes without uttering a word, a language of seduction that rendered him powerless.

It wasn’t just the way you looked at him—it was what you looked at him with. That simmering desire, the cruel teasing, the unspoken promise that you wouldn’t stop until he faltered, or crumbled completely. It tested him, pushed him to limits he never thought existed, made his composure feel like a delicate, fragile thing.

And as the pit in his stomach burned hotter, as his muscles tensed and his restraint frayed to the brink, Jayce realized that no matter how hard he fought it, he wasn’t losing to you—he was giving himself over willingly. Piece by piece, shudder by shudder, your gaze was swallowing him whole, and he couldn’t bring himself to look away.

”That’s a bold decision, considering how I’m balls deep in you right now,” he managed to groan out, his voice thick with strain as his hips stammered against yours. Each thrust was a testament to his unraveling restraint, his body caught between fervent need and the thin threads of control. He drove into you with everything he had, every ounce of strength dedicated to holding back the inevitable—keeping the essence of his soul from spilling over and claiming you completely.

“Might not have enough time to pull out,” he whined, his voice trembling with hesitation. The words were a warning, but they came coated in something deeper, something darker—a want he couldn’t quite mask. The cracks in his resolve were widening, and beneath his deceiving cadence lay a silent plea for permission to let go, to give in to the primal urge clawing at his chest.

“Then don’t,” you said simply, your voice calm, steady, as if the words were inconsequential. As if they weren’t coated in such hefty meaning. You delivered them with a quiet finality, as though their weight were nonexistent—like they weren’t a succulent worm on a hook, the chain pulling him deeper into you.

But they were. They hit him with a force that stole the very breath from his lungs, his hips sputtering for the briefest moment before resuming their feverish pace. The simplicity of your words belied their gravity, and yet, he felt it. Felt the command, the invitation, the absolution in them. You weren’t just permitting his surrender—you were demanding it, and he knew he couldn’t refuse. Not when the heat of your body surrounded him, not when the depths of your voice ignited something cardinal within him. Something fundamental.

Jayce let out a guttural sound, a jumbled mix of restraint and surrender, as his body moved on instinct, his mind clouded by the smoke of a blaze you’d set in him. There was no hesitation left, no question of what would come next—only the inevitability of his complete and outright submission in your arms.

“I… I don’t think I heard you right…” Jayce muttered, his breath ragged and uneven. He searched your eyes, desperate to confirm if he had truly heard those words—or if his mind was playing tricks on him.

“I said,” you murmured, your voice low and deliberate, leaning in until your lips nearly brushed his.

“Don’t.”

The word hung between you like a spark, igniting the air. You captured his lips in a searing kiss, neediness bleeding into every movement. Your legs tightened around his waist, the press of your bodies perfectly attuned to the rhythm you shared. Muscles flexed and tensed in harmony, a symphony of heat and tenacity that left no room for doubt.

Jayce had heard you loud and clear.

There was no mistaking your words.

“Are you sure…?” he asked, his tone laced with uncertainty. He needed to know if this was just a momentary impulse driven by desire, or if you truly meant it.

You raised a brow, curious about his sudden doubt. Why now, of all times? You had never given him a reason to question you before.

“Yes. But,” you said, a sly smile playing on your lips, “you’ll have to beg for it.”

The words stopped him in his tracks, his confidence faltering. Jayce had never once let himself slip into submission during your most intimate moments. The idea of begging was as foreign to him as Undercity culture.

“Beg…?” he repeated, his voice shaking slightly. A low, guttural moan followed as you rolled your hips to meet one of his thrusts, driving him deeper inside you, a skillful way of coaxing him further and further to the edge of his pleasure.

“Fuck—” he groaned, the sound crude and wanting as he lost his composure quicker than he had found it. His head dipped, his damp forehead pressing into the curve of your neck, seeking solace in the warmth of your skin.

“Yes. Beg,” you demand, your legs tightening their grip around his hips until they tremble under the strain. He’s reaching a depth within you that feels otherworldly, leaving your vision speckled with stars.

“Beg me to let you fuck a life into me,” you command, your voice a mix of authority and unrefined desire.

Jayce’s head snaps up, his gaze locking onto yours with a flash of realization. The unspoken challenge in your eyes—now or never—spurs him forward. Determination floods his features, transforming him into a man with the relentless resolve of someone who has just uncovered the treasure of a lifetime.

Jayce bit down on the inside of his lip, the hesitation lingering for only a cursory moment. This wasn’t a time for half-measures; it had to be all or nothing. Testing the waters now wasn’t an option—not when everything hinged on this.

The thought of you, brimming with his very essence, the force that gave life, shaped flesh, and coursed through veins, sent his mind spiraling. His muscles quivered, his hips ablaze from the unyielding drive he poured into them. Each movement was unyielding, a cycle of sharp thrusts and aching retractions, repeated with merciless precision.

“Nghh– fuck– please.” The words spilled from his lips, raw and desirous, betraying the composure he struggled to maintain.

A laugh bubbles out of you at his first attempt, the sound shaking and breaking as it’s overtaken by the relentless rhythm of his thrusts—each one harder and faster than the last.

“That’s… not nearly desperate enough,” you manage to tease, though your voice wavers, the confidence you’d mustered teetering under the intensity of his pace.

Jayce’s response is a whimper, low and raw, as his lips find your ear. He presses a kiss there, followed by a gentle nip at your earlobe, his breath warm and ragged.

“Please—fuck—please, my love,” he moans, his words trembling with need. The sound of him like this—a rare vulnerability, inherently submissive—sends a jolt through you, igniting something unfamiliar and electrifying.

“I want… No, I need to drench your cunt with my cum until it takes. Until you’re walking around our house, belly all big and round with our baby inside. The baby I put there. The baby I fucked into you.” His gasps grow louder, his chest heaving as his heart pounds, racing to keep up with the demands of his body. You feel every beat, every pulse, as he clings to you, desperate to maintain the rhythm.

“Please, my love. Please, oh please let me fuck this baby into you. Let me fuck it nice and deep into you. Let me fill you full of my cum and watch it drip out of you so I can fuck it back in over and over again.” When his cry breaks the air, it’s raw and guttural, his fingers digging into the sheets so tightly that they slip free from the mattress beneath him.

“I need it, my love. I need it so fucking bad,” he cries out again, his voice breaking as he sinks his teeth into the curve of your shoulder—a futile attempt to temper the overwhelming tension consuming him.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” he pleads, each word punctuated by desperate whines that blend with the raw sound of skin meeting skin.

You can’t hold back your own cries anymore; the relentless rhythm of his thrusts shatters your composure. He’s undeniably desperate now—there’s no question.

“Gods! Jayce! Fuck! Yes!” you scream, your head pressing deeper into the satin pillow beneath you. Your back arches instinctively, curving to meet him as he slams into that exquisitely sensitive spot, over and over again, driving you to the edge of reason.

Jayce knew you were getting as close as he was, but he was always ever-most determined to make you cum before him, or with him.

His teeth leave your shoulder, and he lifts slightly, just enough to slip an arm between your bodies. As his fingers find their mark, Jayce’s gaze locks onto yours. His mouth hangs open, his eyes dark and blown wide, filled with raw, unfiltered desire. Pure, unadulterated lust radiates from him as his touch pushes you closer and closer to the precipice.

He brushes the pads of his fingers against your clit, quickly and effortlessly rubbing tight circles around the sensitive bud. He could feel your walls clenching in response, desperate to milk his needy cock dry. Desperate to coax every drop his balls could spare.

Your breath quickens, chest rising and falling in a desperate rhythm, aching to press against his once more—but his arm remains a firm, teasing barrier. His fingers move with a slow, deliberate intent, tracing and circling your clit until pleasure borders on the unbearable.

Just as the sensation threatens to tip into numbness, release strikes like a missile—blazing, unrelenting, precise. It shatters through you, sharp and all-consuming, like a rock splintering glass. Your muscles lock, your body taut with the force of it, nails sinking deep into the firm, heated flesh of his arms.

Jayce’s thrusts grow erratic, each snap of his hips losing precision as desperation takes hold. Hisses and curses spill from his lips, laced with ragged gasps as he pounds into you with fevered urgency.

He’s close—so unbearably close—your walls gripping him like a vice, clenching and pulsing around his throbbing cock. The way you twitch and squeeze him sends his mind spiraling, pleasure coiling tight in his core, spinning his head like a top.

“Fuck,” he groans, voice breaking as he drives deep one final time. His cock pulses, spilling hot, thick cum inside you, filling you to the brim. Strands of it spurt and pool within, coating your cervix as he shudders through the intensity of his orgasm.

He stays buried inside you for a few lingering moments, your breaths falling into sync as the haze of pleasure slowly fades. His body stills, chest rising and falling as he collects himself, savoring the way you feel wrapped around him.

When you finally begin to settle, he pulls out—but before you can catch your breath, his hand drifts lower. Two fingers push deep into your slick heat, thrusting slow and deliberate, gathering every drop of his release and pushing it back inside you.

A cry escapes your lips, hands grasping blindly at the sheets as the pad of his thumb finds your clit once more, circling with torturous precision. Your head lifts, eyes locking with his—dark, hooded, full of wicked intent. A smirk tugs at his lips, lazy yet hungry, as his fingers drive deeper, curling just right, pulling another wave of pleasure from your already spent body. He opens his mouth to speak once more.

“I want a girl.”

[tegabyte]

Here's hoping I'm not making a big mistake here...

I'm trying to keep this low enough impact that I can accomplish them. I can sketch fairly quick enough, even if it's a full body (though that DOES take me longer), and I think I can manage this.

Feel free to peruse my art tags and see if I can draw for you.

Some other notes under a read more because I talk a lot:

I can be contacted via tumblr askbox, at the least, and I can contact you for more discussion via DMs after that. I also have a discord, and if I actually have a density of commission requests I can make a discord server to invite you into for more conversation. (I have several servers, admittedly, including one for artists/creatives, but it might be rude to clutter those with commission talk.) If you must reach out to me somewhere else, I have a bluesky or you can email me (ageofzero@live.com)

I have a ko-fi for payment, or paypal. I've used the latter more often and I can figure out the invoice thing if that's your preference.

I'm a primarily humanform artist. I can do human +wings, perhaps horns, or a mermaid tail, but I typically draw humankind and human shapes. I'm not set up to be a furry artist, and I want to be able to work faster than having to figure out animal shapes on the fly would allow me. I might be willing to draw a small animal companion with your character of choice, but that's a big maybe.

I know I wrote the vague "portrait" up there in the image, and I stand by that, but I realized that could also include things like video game avatars, and (variable)-sonas (trollsonas, for example). Still in the human limits, but with additional fun involved.

I'm pretty mild across the board as far as internet users go, and I forgot to write it on the image itself, but I won't do heavy gore stuff either. Blood and wounds are okay, that's fairly mild, but I won't draw guts spilling out or severe eye damage or stuff like that. That's probably not in the purview of sketch commissions anyway, but I would rather not have to deal with gore.

I will give you a quote if we have to negotiate additional details that'll cost more than my base price before I get started, and you're free to say that you can't commission me if you want at that point. No hard feelings, I get that money's tight across the board. I'm trying to find the bridge between making it worthwhile for what I'm offering and also making it reasonable for me to earn the bare amount of what I need.

I'm okay with drawing your ship of choice if you're willing to pay for it and give me a little more time to work out the positioning of characters. hand holding is hard, haha. I won't draw lolicon/shotacon, and I still won't draw sex, but we can talk around what else there is.

I'm not up to doing a fully rendered/fully colored commission right now, I haven't had a good track record with going through the full process digitally. Unless we have a really compelling discussion and I get paid real good, or I do it traditionally after that discussion, that's not something I'm offering fully.

I will send you the commissioner the full size png when I'm all done, but I'll post a smaller tumblr-size jpg on my blog, after payment is received. Unless you'd rather otherwise, in which case we'll talk about it and I'm willing to leave it unposted. You're not allowed to post it yourself or use it (as an avatar for example) without proper credit to me, and DEFINITELY you're not allowed to feed it to some image generating "AI" dataset.

I will offer these in traditional options (pencils and micron pens), but I can't stream the process on discord.

I don't have a formal contract to offer anyone, and I don't wanna figure out a google forms thing. My conditions are fairly reasonable and within my means, I think. Don't post my art or give it to AI, you don't get the image until I've gotten paid.

I think that's it? I hope that's it, I've been out of the game for a whiiiile.

...this is a top tier Genesis I've drawn for this commission post tbh

[kaidacr1sis]

Seven Things- Baek Kang-Hyuk x reader

-- Fem! Reader | Childhood friends to lovers | Fluff | 601 Words | Pre-established Relationship (I guess, not 100% sure how to tag this that's why.) | Probably super OOC! Baek Kang-Hyuk | implied that you and Cheon Jang-Mi are friends | Enjoy!

There are several givens in Baek Kang Hyuk’s life. 

There's being a Trauma Surgeon. It’s in his blood. Being a Trauma surgeon is shoes squeaking on floors, the thrill of a new patient, constant battles between life and death, and that sweet, sweet feeling of connection– fingers brushing the back of a healed patient, smiling at the camera after another successful operation. Baek Kang-Hyuk was born to be a Trauma Surgeon.. He couldn’t think of anything else he would want to be.

His team is another one. There’s Yang Jae-won, who still treats him as a superior 24/7 even though he can do many difficult operations by himself now. He hates to admit it, but Dr. Yang might become better than him soon. Park Gyeong-won who, now part of the trauma center, has grown significantly more on him. And then there’s Cheon Jiang-mi. He needs to think of a new nickname for her. Gangster just won’t cut it anymore. She seems too respectful to him to keep calling her that.

There’s the small things too: He still thinks back to his days in the Black Wings, he buys a new face wash every month, he hates when he’s called into the trauma center at 1am in the morning. He might love his job but he's only human after all. 

And then, he thinks, there’s you. 

It hits him in full force in the middle of the street on a Friday evening as he holds a plastic bag of groceries. It also, consequently, renders him immobile for ten minutes, because Kang-Hyuk had never been one to dwell on the givens. But he stands there with 2 packs of new ramen, 2 coffee’s for tomorrow morning, and so many more things for the both of you. 

There’s always been you. Since you were kids, before he lost his father.. Even after he lost his family. You were always there. 

You were there when he tried his first coffee. He could remember the way your face scrunched up and you almost spit it out. Laughing in that coffee shop just around the corner of the HNUH. You’ve since found that you prefer tea more, but every once and a while you find yourself trying new coffee types with him. 

You were there when he got accepted into Muan University College of Medicine, celebrated with him, cried with him, stressed with him, hell you even knew just as much basic knowledge for surgery as him. You blame it on the nights of reviewing with him. He blames it on the nights he read his books to you as you were falling asleep. Who’s to say who is right. 

You drove him to the airport when he left to enlist in the Black Wings, you picked him up a year later with tears in your eyes and almost tackled him when he stepped into your view. You were there.. For everything.

There, he dropped the bag, fishing his phone out from his pocket and calling Cheon Jang-mi. And the second the call picked up, without even a hello, without even acknowledging the woman on the other side. He uttered,

“Do you know my girlfriend’s ring size? What kind of ring does she want?”

“Well.. that’s unexpected. Hello to you too Dr. Baek.” You chuckled on the other side of the line. “I’ll send you my ring size and my ring ideas then..”

Kang-Hyuk could swear he almost dropped his phone when he heard your voice. Well.. this is going to be interesting. It’s alright though. You’ve been with him through everything. What’s one more event?