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marauders-venting · 4 years ago

Text

Wish You Were Gay

pairing: dorlene (dorcas x marlene)

genre: fluff & angst, pining (is that a genre? it is now)

warnings: none

words: 3707

note: based on the song ‘wish you were gay’ by Claude

a/n: ooooo my first dorlene fic. this is pretty long but i loved writing it

Picture this: you and me in the morning kissing over the coffee you're pouring. It could be like that every day hate it that I wish you were

“Wake up,” Alice said, loudly. “Come on, people, wake up.” Dorcas opened her eyes and groaned, covering her head with the pillow, holding it to cover her ears.

“I hate this,” Alice said. “Why do I have to wake up four people who don’t want to be woken up every single morning?”

“Cause you’re the only one who naturally wakes up that early,” Lily mutters through the toothpaste in her mouth.

“Then get an alarm clock,” Alice grumbled.

“What’s that?” asks Marlene.

“You really need to take Muggle studies, Marls,” Mary says, getting up too. Dorcas was still trying to go back to sleep but Alice pulls the pillow out of her hand and hits her with it.

“Fine, fine, I’m up,” Dorcas said, getting out of bed. Marlene, who was already changing her clothes, smiled teasingly at her. Dorcas stuck her tongue out at her and went to brush her teeth, too tired to think of something snarky to say.

“Come on, Dorcas,” Marlene says once Dorcas comes out of the bathroom, tying her shoelaces. “Let’s go down to breakfast and I’ll get us some coffee.”

“Fine,” Dorcas said. Lily, Mary and Alice had already gone down but Marlene had waited for Dorcas. Warmth spread through Dorcas’ body at the thought and she couldn’t help the small smile that appeared on her face. She changes quickly, not bothering to search for matching socks and they go down to breakfast.

They sit across from each other and Marlene reaches for the coffee pot. She pours them both coffee. It takes all of Dorcas’ willpower not to lean over the table and kiss her, as she rubs the sleep out of her eyes. It’s the same thing every day, the same feeling every single morning. Every time Dorcas finds herself wondering how somebody so close could feel so far away. She assumes that it’s an inevitable side effect of being in love with your best friend. But all of these inevitable side effects are becoming increasingly harder to deal with.

Hoping that I'm a better replacement for the guys that you're always out chasing or should I accept things I can't change hate it that I wish you were

It had been a long time since Marlene and Sirius had broken up when Sirius had come out as gay. Dorcas still secretly wished it had been the other way around. She remembered being excited when Marlene told her that she and Sirius were no longer dating. And then feeling terrible about it.

“Are you ok?” Dorcas had asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Marlene said. “Like really fine. It was a bit weird anyway. Dating Sirius, I mean. I think it's better that we’re just friends.”

“Are you sure you’re not upset?” Dorcas asked. She would have known if Marlene had really been upset, she was sure of it. But she wanted to check with her anyway.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Marlene said, smiling at her.

“So why’d you break up?” Dorcas asked. Marlene bit her lip.

“I can’t tell you,” she said. “I’m sorry, Dorcas. I promise you’ll know soon anyway.”

“It’s fine,” Dorcas said. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to—” Marlene started but Dorcas put her hand on Marlene’s to stop her.

“It’s ok,” Dorcas said. “I believe you.”

Later that day, they had all been sitting in the common room — Dorcas, Marlene, Lily, Mary, Alice, Remus, Sirius, James and Peter — and Sirius had told them all the real reason he had broken up with Marlene. Based on their expression, Dorcas assumed he must have already told Remus, James and Peter. Or they had already guessed it for themselves. Dorcas wasn’t surprised either. This was just proof that her gaydar worked. Even Lily, Mary and Alice didn’t look all that surprised.

“Why aren’t you more shocked?” Sirius demanded.

“Because it was pretty obvious,” Dorcas said, smiling.

“Well clearly not to me,” Marlene said, rolling her eyes.

“So… you guys are really ok with this?” Sirius asked, tentatively.

“Of course,” Lily said. “You think we’d ditch you just because you like guys? Come on, we're not that shallow.”

“Don’t worry, Siri, we still love your stupid face,” said Marlene, swinging an arm around him. Dorcas felt a flare of jealousy. She wanted to be the one with Marlene’s arm around her, she wanted to hear Marlene say that she loved her. Dorcas remembered hoping that maybe she would be a better replacement for Sirius. Better than some guy. But Marlene obviously didn’t think so, seeing as she’d had several boyfriends since she and Sirius had broken up. Dorcas should just accept that there were certain things she couldn’t change.

I wish you were gay so you could just hold me. Call me your babe instead of your homie. Don't know what to say but I wish you were gay. I wish you were gay so it would be easy for me to say that I'm catching feelings. And I know you're straight but I wish you were gay

“Wait,” Peter had said that day that Dorcas had foolishly hoped that she might have a chance with Marlene. “Didn’t… didn’t you guys break up?” he asked Marlene and Sirius, who still had an arm around each other.

“Yeah, so?” Sirius asked.

“We can still be besties,” Marlene said.

“Hey, stop stealing my bestie,” James said, hugging Sirius and refusing to let go.

“Tell your bestie to stop stealing my bestie,” Dorcas said to James, pulling Marlene’s arm towards her. Dorcas loved that Marlene was her best friend. But she wanted more than friendship. She wanted Marlene to hold her at night, to hear Marlene whisper to her under the covers, to feel Marlene’s lips on her skin.

“Jamie, you’re suffocating me,” Sirius said, laughing.

“Shhh, suffocate quietly, bestie, I’m trying to make a point,” James said.

It had not taken Dorcas a very long time to give up her hopes that Marlene might want her. But that didn’t stop her from wishing that Marlene was gay. If Marlene was gay, at least Dorcas would be able to admit her feelings. At least she would stand a chance if only a small one. But Marlene was straight. That much was clear.

Now I see you get off of the subway, haven't seen you in months but it's ok. I'd forgotten but I feel the same hate that I still wish you were. You walk up and I'm dreading the small talk with your boyfriend, he's chatting my ear off. So I lie and I say I can't stay hate it I still wish you were

Marlene hadn’t had a boyfriend for several months now and Dorcas thought that she might finally be over her crush. That is, until yesterday.

“Dorcas?” Marlene called, coming into the dorm.

“Yeah?” Dorcas replied. “I’m in the bathroom. Just one second.” Dorcas came out and saw Marlene, giddy and smiling.

“Ok, guess what?” she said, excitedly.

“What?” Dorcas asked, becoming equally excited.

“George Davies asked me out!” Marlene squealed. Immediately all of Dorcas’ feelings came rushing back like they’d never gone at all. She supposed that they hadn’t.

“Oh my god!” she squealed back, impressing herself with her acting skills. She sounded genuinely excited, although she could probably put that down to too much experience at pretending to be excited whenever Marlene announced that she was dating a new boy rather than actual talent. “Wait, remind me which one he is?”

“He’s the Keeper on the Ravenclaw team,” Marlene said.

“Oh right. Yeah, I know him,” Dorcas said. “Is he nice?”

“Yeah, he’s really sweet,” Marlene says. “And also so gorgeous. Like wow. I mean, did you see him in the game last week?”

“Oh yeah,” Dorcas said. “Yeah, he’s really hot.” Dorcas made a mental note to work on pretending to be straight cause right now she was failing miserably. Her last comment could not have sounded any more sarcastic but Marlene didn’t seem to have noticed.

“Ok I have to go,” Marlene said. “I told him I’d meet him by the courtyard at six o’clock but I just had to tell you.”

“Have fun,” Dorcas said.

“Thanks. See you later, Dorcas.” And with that, she hurried out of the dormitory and down the stairs.

Dorcas collapsed on her bed and sighed. She had forgotten the pain, the physical pain, that she felt in her chest every time Marlene started dating another guy but it was the same. Nothing had changed. She thought she was finally over this but turns out she wasn’t. I just need to clear my mind, she thought, think of something else. So she decided to go to dinner. Hopefully, some of her friends will be there to distract her.

When she walks into the Great Hall she immediately spots her friends at the Gryffindor table.

“Dorcas!” she hears. She recognises Marlene's voice but it takes her a minute to find her in the sea of students. She’s sitting at the far end of the Gryffindor table with a boy wearing Ravenclaw robes. George Davies. Her boyfriend.

Marlene gestures that Dorcas should join her. Dorcas bites her lip. She wants to sit with Marlene but she doesn’t want to talk to her boyfriend. But she decides to go anyway. Marlene is your best friend, she reminds herself, you should be happy for her.

“George, this is Dorcas,” Marlene says as Dorcas sits down beside her. “Dorcas, this is George.” She exchanges a smile with him and Dorcas curls her hand into fists.

“It’s nice to meet you,” he says.

“You too,” Dorcas says. Her voice sounds far less enthusiastic and her smile is forced. Dorcas had been dreading meeting George since Marlene suggested it (which, granted, was not that long ago but that didn’t make anything any better).

George starts talking about something but Dorcas is only half listening. She glances over at Marlene but Marlene doesn’t seem to be that interested either. In fact, when Dorcas looks at her, she finds that Marlene’s eyes were already on her. Marlene smiles at her but Dorcas can’t bring herself to smile back.

“I’m sorry, I have to go,” Dorcas says, interrupting George. “I’ve got a ton of homework to do. See you later, Marlene.” And with that, she gets up and walks out of the Great Hall.

She wasn’t lying. She really did have a lot of work to do. But she wasn’t planning on doing it. She got back to the dorm and flopped on her bed. Tears formed in her eyes but she held them back. This isn’t worth crying over, she told herself. She could’ve said it another million times but it wouldn’t have kept the tears from spilling onto her cheeks.

We'd be so good give me one look I know you don't mean it when you come to flirt the dreams that I'm having are just getting worse

Dorcas had mostly composed herself by the time Marlene got back to the dorm.

“Um, what was that all about?” Marlene asked later when it was just the two of them.

“What was what?” asked Dorcas.

“Why didn’t you want to talk to George? Do you not like him or something?”

“What? No, he’s fine,” Dorcas says. “He seems nice.”

“Then why did you pretend to have homework so that you didn’t have to talk to him?” Marlene asked, arms crossed.

“I didn’t pretend anything,” Dorcas says. “Besides, what's the big deal if I don’t want to talk to him? It’s not like it matters.”

“Uh, it matters to me,” Marlene said, angrily. “I really like him and I would appreciate it if you made an effort to get to know him. I don’t always like all of your friends but I’m still nice to them.”

“I just didn’t want to talk to him, ok?” Dorcas said, turning away. “I was just irritated.”

“So what is it about him that’s so irritating?” Marlene practically yells. Dorcas looks at her, eyes wide. Marlene hardly ever yells. Or at least, she hardly ever yells in anger. “Or is it just that I’m dating him? Cause for some reason you never seem to like anybody who I go out with. So what is it? Are you jealous or something?”

“Jealous?!” Dorcas exclaims. “What’s there to be jealous of? You can’t keep a guy for more than a month.” Dorcas knew it was a low blow. Are we seriously fighting about guys right now? Dorcas thinks. She doesn’t even like guys. How did they even get here?

“Well, at least I actually get guys. You’ve never even had a boyfriend,” Marlene snaps. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean th—” But Dorcas just laughs.

“Oh right. I wonder why that is. Maybe it’s cause I’m a fucking lesbian!” Silence. Dead silence.

“What?”

“Fuck.”

“Are you serious?”

“Fuck fuck fuck,” Dorcas says, burying her face in her hands. “Ok. Um. I’m sor—” And then Marlene’s arms are around her.

“It’s ok,” Marlene whispers to her. “It’s ok. I’m sorry I was such a bitch. I’m so happy for you, Dorcas. Thank you for telling me. I’m so proud of you.” It took Dorcas several moments to comprehend what the fuck was going on. And when she did, she did the exact opposite of what she should’ve done: she buried her face in the crook of Marlene's neck and let the tears stream from her eyes. She breathed in the smell of Marlene’s hair and let it calm her down. Then she realised exactly what she was doing and stepped away, shaking her head.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry.”

“Shh, you have nothing to be sorry for,” Marlene says. Dorcas just shook her head. She looked at Marlene and their eyes met.

Dorcas knew that she and Marlene would be perfect together. They would be so good. And if Marlene just gave her one look, just considered looking at Dorcas differently, maybe it could happen. No, Dorcas told herself. She’s straight. She has a boyfriend. This was a fantasy that existed only in Dorcas’ dreams. And she did dream about it. The first time it happened she hoped it would be a one time thing, but her dreams had only gotten worse since then. It’s no use. I’m in love with Marlene McKinnon, she thought.

“I love you,” she mumbled.

“W-what?” Marlene asked.

“I’m in love with you, Marlene,” she said louder, looking up at her. “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be, I-I… I should probably go.” Dorcas nodded, tears filling her eyes.

Marlene stumbled out of the room and ran down the stairs to the common room. She saw the rest of her friends come into the common room, Sirius talking loudly and drawing everybody’s attention. Sirius. He would know what to do. He always did.

“Sirius!” Marlene called. “Sirius!”

“Hey Marls, what up?” Sirius said, turning around. “Are you ok?”

“No, I-I need to talk to you,” she said shakily. “It’s really important.”

“Ok,” Sirius said. “Of course. whatever you need.”

“Come on,” she said, pulling him back outside the portrait hole and into an empty corridor.

“Marlene, what happened?” Sirius asked.

“Can I ask you something?” she said, ignoring his question. “It’s pretty personal.”

“Of course. You can ask me anything.”

“How did you know you were gay?”

“Oh. Wow um,” Sirius started. “I don’t really know how it happened. It kind of just hit me randomly one day and then I started to really think about it, I guess.” Marlene nodded, biting her lip. “I know that doesn’t really answer your question but that’s pretty much what happened. Was there something else you wanted to ask?”

“Just one more thing,” Marlene said slowly. “And you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, I just… how did you know you were in love with Remus?”

“Um. I mean it took a while to figure it out. But eventually, I just noticed it. I always loved spending time with him. I always wanted to be around him. Like every moment that I wasn’t with him felt wasted. I mean, don’t get me wrong I love hanging out with you and James and Peter. But with Remus, it was like… we’d be hanging out and it never felt like enough. I always wanted more.”

“To spend more time with him?”

“Well, that too. But also to do more with him. To be closer, to be touching more, hugging more, talking more. Eventually, I realized that I wanted to kiss him. That took a while though. To get to that point.” Marlene nodded and buried her face in her hands.

“Fuck,” she says. “I fucked things up so bad, Siri.”

“Marlene, what's going on? Are you… do you think you’re in love with someone?” Marlene nods. “Who?” Marlene swallows.

“Dorcas,” she whispers. Sirius' jaw drops.

“Wait is she gay?” Sirius asks.

“Apparently,” Marlene says.

“She told you this?”

“Yeah, just now.” Sirius nodded.

“And what did you do?” he asked.

“I hugged her. And I told her it’s ok and that I’m proud of her.”

“Then I don’t understand. That is a great reaction. Better than my friends going ‘yeah we know, what else is new?’ What did you fuck up?”

“She told me she’s in love with me.”

“Oh. And what did you say?”

“Nothing. I just walked out,” she said. Sirius winced. “It’s bad huh?”

“I’ll be honest with you, Marls, that was pretty fucking bad. I mean, if Remus had done that to me when I told him that I love him… well let’s just say it wouldn’t have been good.”

“I need to talk to her,” she said, standing up.

“Yes, you do. And Marlene?”

“Yeah?”

“Remember that whatever you’re feeling is ok. Your feelings are valid. Just try to be gentle with Dorcas’ feelings too ok?”

“Yeah,” Marlene sighs. “Ok. Thanks for everything, Siri. What would I do without you?”

“What would anyone do without me?” Sirius said. “And you’re welcome.”

Dorcas heard the door to the dormitory open and quickly stopped crying. She rolled over on her bed so it would look like she’s asleep. She didn’t want to be interrogated right now.

“Dorcas?” It was Marlene. Dorcas didn’t want to talk to her but Marlene would know that she wasn’t really asleep and Dorcas didn’t want to ignore her. So she turned around and sat up in bed.

“Dorcas, I’m so sorry,” Marlene said, coming over and sitting down on the edge of Dorcas’ bed. “I reacted terribly and I’m so so sorry.”

“I… I kinda just want to be alone now, Marlene,” Dorcas says, not looking at her.

“Ok,” Marlene says, biting her lip. “Ok. I just wanted to give you something.” Dorcas looks up at her. Marlene wipes away her tears gently with her thumb. And then she pulls Dorcas in and kisses her softly on the lips. The kiss is over before Dorcas even registers that it’s real. Her first thought is that she’s dreaming. Because there’s no way that Marlene is really kissing her. But it doesn’t feel like a dream. It doesn’t feel like everything could disappear in an instant. It feels real. It feels good. And then Marlene pulls away and Dorcas is left sitting there with a blank expression on her face and a mess inside her head. After several moments of silence, Marlene speaks.

“Sorry,” she says, standing up. “I don’t know why I did that. Um. I’ll just go, I guess.”

“No, wait!” Dorcas says, grabbing Marlene’s hand as she turns towards the door. “Don’t go, I— was that… the thing that just happened was it… was it real? Did you really just… I—” Dorcas had lost the ability to speak. There were so many things she wanted to ask, things she wanted to say but Marlene’s kiss seemed to have temporarily numbed her brain, rendering her incapable of speech. But Marlene knows what she’s trying to ask.

“Yeah,” she says and offers Dorcas a small smile. “We… we kissed.”

“But… but I… I mean, you… you have a boyfriend,” Dorcas blurts out.

“Not anymore,” Marlene shakes her head. “I told him that it’s not going to work out. I mean, even if you don’t want to be with me, I still think I need some time to—”

“Don’t want to be with you?” Dorcas says, incredulously. “Are you kidding me? That’s literally all I’ve wanted for years. I just… You’re my best friend. I know I told you that I love you and I’m sorry if I made you feel like you have to do something about it. Don’t feel like you have to do this just because I said something stupid.”

“I’m not doing anything because I feel like I have to,” Marlene says. “I’m doing this because I want to. And it wasn’t stupid,” she adds quietly.

“I don’t want to lose you,” Dorcas says, so quietly it’s almost a whisper.

“You won’t,” Marlene says, squeezing her hand. “You can’t.”

Marlene leans in again but this time she stops, her lips hovering over Dorcas’.

“Can I kiss you?” she whispers.

“Yes,” Dorcas whispers back, but she doesn’t give Marlene a chance. She closes the gap between them, fitting her lips with Marlene’s, kissing her like she’s been longing to do since they were fourteen years old. Her hands find Marlene’s waist and she lightly lays them on the curves of Marlene’s body. Marlene moves into the touch and sighs into Dorcas’ mouth, making her kiss Marlene harder.

When they break apart, Dorcas couldn’t keep the smile off her face even if she wanted to. She looks at Marlene, her clear, blue eyes glittering.

“Does this mean… are… are you gay?” Dorcas asked, though she still hadn’t quite regained the ability to speak.

“I don’t know,” Marlene said. “I’ve got no clue what I am. But I do know that I love you.” Dorcas smiled.

“Say it again.”

“I’m in love with you, Dorcas Meadowes.”

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ravipanikking · 4 years ago

Note

Born this way with Alex

I’m sorry this took me a few days but thank you so much for the prompt! Also, this did not mean to be so long. Oops. Anyways. Hope you enjoy :)

Warning: Mentions of past homophobia.

______

Born This Way

______

Alex was wandering in the hallways of Los Feliz HIgh School after supporting Julie on her first performance in her music class without them. The rest of the band had performed with her at her school a couple of more times after their first time for pep rallies and dances. The principal tried to book them as much as she could to show that the new breakout band, Julie and The Phantoms, who were now starting to perform at big venues, like the Orpheum, were discovered at her school. He always couldn’t help but be amused by that.

For a big part of her final grade for her semester, Julie had to perform by herself. Reggie had been confused as to why she was nervous of singing solo in her high school class when she had already sung solo in the Orpheum of all places. But Alex understood. Not only did he have anxiety about practically everything, but doing things that had a lot of emotional weight to them even when you seemed to be getting passed them could be very nerve-wracking. And even though all three of them had the urge to perform with her, they knew that they couldn’t and that she’d completely kill it anyways. Which she did, of course.

After the class was over, Julie had her free period. But, instead of spending it with the boys and Flynn, she and Luke wanted some ‘alone’ time together. Meanwhile, Flynn had a marketing team meeting for the band, which now had at least eight members from the school and a lot more clamoring for the chance to be a part of it. And Reggie was so excited and happy for Julie that he couldn't help but want to tell Ray right away. And unlike before, Julie’s dad could now see them and respond back to him.

Whatever Julie did to save their souls from being obliterated into existence, not only made her be able to touch them all, but made them able to show themselves to lifers without just performing with her. Usually they had to be with Julie in order for lifers to see them, but if they had a bond with a lifer, like the guys did with Flynn and Julie’s family, then they could see them without Julie. But they still didn’t show themselves to lifers very much.

Alex especially didn’t.

He wanted to focus more on trying to figure just how this was all possible. He and Willie came up with different theories, but nothing too concrete yet.

Besides, he kinda liked being invisible. He could be his full self and still be in front of lifers without worrying about what they were thinking about him. Like Willie had mentioned that day at the museum, being a drummer had not only helped him with his anxieties and frustrations, but helped him feel confident and be his full self in front of an entire crowd of people. And being a ghost gave him that same freedom, they just couldn’t see him. And he was okay with that, for the most part.

It actually sorta liberated him in a way.

Alex could do whatever he wanted in front of someone and he didn’t have to worry about their responses. Like that time when he danced on stage with Carrie. He had felt so free, like he could do whatever he wanted and just be. Of course his band could see him when he did it. And even though he just knew Julie for a short time, he knew he didn’t have to worry about her and the guys judging him or seeing him differently.

Like his family had.

Even after apparently 25 years of being dead, it still was only less than a year for Alex when he came out to his family. And they never treated him the same since. He used to remind himself that he was lucky. They didn’t say anything demeaning to him and kicked him out or anything like that. Heck, they even still let Sunset Curve have their studio in the back of the house.

But they still acted differently toward him after that fateful night.

In retrospect, he supposed that having the guys there as support for him might’ve not been the best approach, especially the way his parents had looked at him and Luke sitting next to each other. But Alex didn’t care, because he knew that he wouldn’t have done it without the band. Maybe he would have later on, but given the fact that just six months later he would die of an oldsmobile street dog, who knows if he would’ve gotten another chance.

And Alex was glad that he did it when he did.

Of course it stung when his parents would treat him so...differently. It was sometimes hard to even explain it. Sometimes they’d give him these strange looks whenever they didn’t think that he was looking. Like he was this weird alien living in their house, and not the son that they had raised and loved for seventeen years. And they also stopped inviting him to places and family outings, even assuming that he wouldn’t want to go to church anymore. And even when he wanted to, they heavily implied that they didn’t want him to go, always using the excuse, “Don’t you want to practice more with your band?”

However, as he and the guys would always say, it was on them and not him for thinking anything of him any less than the same boy they knew who was anxious about everything and allergic to nuts. It wasn’t his fault that they had seen him differently just because they found out that he liked boys instead of girls.

Besides, he had his real family now.

And even though he was...you know...dead, after everything he and the band went through, Alex was happy.

And as far as ghosts went, he had a pretty sweet deal. Unlike most ghosts, he could still connect with lifers, and in the best way too. That connection he’d feel with the audience while he’d rock out on his drums as he and the band would play the best musical experiences? Priceless. But he also just liked being a ghost in general. He could be in a crowd of lifers and do what he wanted, not having to worry about their judgments or what they’d think of him. He also liked to watch people and make faces or do silly dances in front of them because he could. As he said earlier, there was a sort of freedom in all of it.

However, there was that part deep down inside of him that felt like part of the reason why he liked being invisible was because that way lifers couldn’t disappoint him by not appreciating who he was whenever he wasn’t rocking out.

Alex immediately pushed those thoughts away and continued to People Watch as he wandered the hallways some more. It really was a cool thing to be a ghost and see people during moments where they normally weren’t seen.

Suddenly, he heard music with a great pop beat start to play from one of the rooms ahead. Curiosity taking over, he poofed in front of the door, and saw that it was the dance room that Julie and Flynn had talked about before. It was empty except for one person in the middle of the giant space seeming to be dancing in freestyle.

It didn’t take long for Alex to realize that the person was Carrie, Julie’s ex-best friend turned enemy turned back to sorta friend now? He was a little confused and fuzzy on the details. All he knew was that her and Julie and Flynn seemed to be, or at least on their way of becoming, good with each other again. She also found out about the Phantoms being...well actual phantoms, but to everyone’s surprise, she promised not to say anything.

Especially considering who her dad was.

Carrie couldn’t see them without Julie being in the same room, so she didn’t notice Alex’s arrival. Instead she danced to the infectious beat that he couldn’t help but move his feet a bit to.

She then started to sing along to the voice of the song coming from her phone.

My mama told me when I was young

"We are all born superstars"

She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on

In the glass of her boudoir

From his spot near the door, his legs and arms started to move with the music as well.

"There's nothing wrong with loving who you are"

She said, "'Cause he made you perfect, babe"

He stopped for a moment, struck by the lyrics.

"So hold your head up, girl, and you'll go far

Listen to me when I say"

The beat then started to get a little faster, making him start to move his body again, this time faster and more of actual dancing. Carrie then began to sing louder.

I'm beautiful in my way

'Cause God makes no mistakes

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret

Just love yourself, and you're set

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way (Born this way)

A strange sensation formed within him as he danced to the rhythm and listened to the lyrics. It was mostly like the feelings he’d get when he found a new favorite song or jammed to an old favorite. But this. This felt slightly...different in a way. But a great different. One that made his feet and entire body move with the music, as he danced further into the room.

Don't be a drag, just be a queen, Carrie sang putting one hand on her hip and the other in the air, similar to how she did in her previous performances.

Don't be a drag, just be a queen

Alex mimed her movement, feeling completely consumed by the song.

Don't be a drag, just be a queen

Don't be (Don't be, don't be)

The tempo then slowed just a bit, probably going to the next verse, he figured.

Give yourself prudence and love your friends

Subway kid, rejoice your truth

In the religion of the insecure

I must be myself, respect my youth

A different lover is not a sin

Believe capital H-I-M, hey, hey, hey

I love my life, I love this record and

Mi amore vole fe yah (Same DNA)

Tears formed in his eyes at the words, feeling like the song was talking directly to him, considering what he was just thinking about with his parents. Alex then lifted his hands up in the air, completely feeling the moment. He continued to dance like no one was watching - and literally no one was.

I'm beautiful in my way

'Cause God makes no mistakes

Alex had started to sing along with Carrie and the beautiful voice on her phone, closing his eyes and completely letting the magic of the music consume him.

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret

Just love yourself, and you're set

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way (Born this way)

Suddenly a loud shriek made Alex quickly open his eyes. Carrie was looking him straight in the eye through the mirror, one hand on her heart and one on her hip, anger seeming to simmer out of her.

“Hey, Casper, you can’t just sneak up on a girl like that!” She exclaimed with a hiss before rushing to get her phone that was in front of the mirror along with her bag. She then turned the music off, making Alex instantly miss it.

He put his hands up in surrender. “Sorry! I didn’t think you could see me!”

Carrie looked at him again and placed both of her hands on her hips this time, sending a deathly glare at him. “Oh. So you were just being a creeper who didn’t think you would get caught, is that?”

“No, no no!” Alex quickly replied, shaking his head and hands frantically. “It wasn’t anything like that, I swear! Trust me.”

She seemed to study him for a moment before giving him an expectant look. “Then what was it like?”

Alex shoved his hands in his pockets and then shyly told her, “I watched Julie’s performance during music class and was just wandering the halls when I heard the song you were playing.”

Her eyes immediately perked at that as a smile spread her face. “You like Gaga?”

He gave her a confused look, though the name sounded vaguely familiar. “What’s a ‘Gaga’?” He asked, using air quotes for the last word.

Carrie stared at him in disbelief. “You don’t know who Lady Gaga is? She’s an icon!”

“Is she some kind of royal who sings killer pop songs?”

She seemed to think about it for a moment before nodding. “Well basically yes. Just not in the kind of royal you’re thinking of. A much more important one.”

“So she’s like pop royalty?” He asked.

“Absolutely.” She then pursed her lips. “I’m actually kinda surprised that Julie or Flynn hasn’t introduced you to her yet. They both love her almost as much as I do.”

Alex thought about it for a moment. “Actually, come to think of it, I think they mentioned her before but I was too afraid to ask what in the world a gaga was.”

Carrie shrugged. “Well now you know.”

An awkward silence passed between them.

“So…” she began to say, breaking the silence first, “that was your first time hearing Born This Way or Gaga in general, right?”

He nodded.

“Did you like it?”

“It was amazing! I haven’t felt so connected to a song that wasn’t our band’s in quite a while.” He felt himself start to get a little emotional thinking about the lyrics and just the song in general, and how it made him feel. It was always an amazing thing when a song could touch your soul like that. Especially when it played right when you needed it.

Carrie smiled, seeming to have a knowing glint in her eye. “Yeah. Gaga can do that to you.”

“Yeah.” He smiled back. “I guess I was feeling it so much while singing and dancing to it along with you that it made you able to see me.”

“Damn.” She began to say in awe. “I knew Lady Gaga was powerful, but wow.”

Her saying that reminded him of the first song he heard her sing. “Hey, that reminds me. I like that song that you sang at that pep rally before our band sang for the first time. The one where you said ‘Wow’ a lot.”

Her eyes lit up again at that. “You mean “Wow”?”

“Yeah! And I like all of the other ones Dirty Candy sang too.” He then placed his hand around his cheek like he was telling her a secret. “But All Eyes On Me is my personal favorite.”

“You like my music?” She asked, pleasantly surprised.

“Absolutely! They always bring my inner ‘Dancing Queen’ out, as what my friends like to call it.”

She let out a small laugh. “Thank you.” Carrie smiled brightly at him. “You know, Gaga is one of my many influences. I listen to her as a warm up every time to help get me inspiration for my new song or choreo.”

“That’s so cool.”

“Wanna dance to her some more?”

He gave her a bright smile and nodded so vehemently that he thought his head was going to pop up. “Yes please!”

She clasped her hands together. “Great! Then I can give you a list of her songs that you have to check out first. Got it?”

“Got it.”

Carrie then went back to her phone and played where the song left off.

Ooh, there ain't no other way

Baby, I was born this way

Baby, I was born this way (Born this way)

They sang and danced with all the energy they had.

Ooh, there ain't no other way

Baby, I was born this way

Right track, baby

They both then sang at the top of their lungs, “I was born this way!”

***

A couple hours later, Alex met up with Willie, having a giant pep in his step and gave his boyfriend a giant smile that was even wider than usual.

“Hey, Hotdog! Someone seems more chipper than usual.”

Alex waved a casually dismissive hand, “Oh it’s nothing.”

He felt a little insecure about telling Willie about his latest music discovery and how much it helped him. Even though he knew that his boyfriend not only knew how much music meant to him, but would never demean things that made him happy.

“It doesn’t seem like nothing. What is it?’ Willie asked, giving him a soft and encouraging smile.

“Oh, it’s just that I found this new song and artist.” Alex shyly began to say.

His boyfriend’s smile grew. “Yeah?”

Alex shoved his hands in his pockets and began to kick the air in front of him. “Have you heard of Lady Gaga?”

Willie laughed, “Yeah I’ve heard of Gaga.” Instant fear shot up within Alex. “She’s great, right?”

The fear dissipated and turned into a sense of relief. He didn’t know why it mattered to him so much if Willie liked this Lady Gaga person. Hell, there were artists and songs that Willie liked that Alex didn’t and vice versa. And it was the same with his band, although they’d often end up having good-natured arguments about it. So why was this any different?

Alex nodded. “Yeah. I really like her songs I’ve heard so far.”

He gave him another encouraging smile. “Yeah, which ones?”

“Well, I like all of them. But Born This Way was the first one I heard and it’s my favorite.”

Willie’s smile brightened. “Yeah, mine too.” He then placed his hand on top of Alex’s. “Here follow me.”

Confused as to what was happening, Alex followed Willie, hands firmly intact, as they headed further down the boardwalk. They then stopped at more of a private part of the beach that seemed to be having some sort of event.

“I heard that someone was having a wedding tonight and I wanted to take you.”

“A-a wedding? Why-why would you want to-to take m-me to a wed-wedding?” Alex stammered and mentally scolded himself for acting like such an idiot.

Willie chuckled. “Relax, Hotdog. I love going to weddings as a ghost.”

“To skate?”

“I do skate, yeah. But I go because I love to see all of the different kinds of people that attend and the drama that no one sees. But mostly I like to see what kind of music they have.” He waggled his brow mischievously. “And if it’s a DJ or DJ system I like to mess with the lifers and put on random songs to see everyone’s reactions.”

It was Alex’s turn to chuckle. “That actually sounds really fun.”

Willy’s smile brightened even more. “I thought you would think so. That’s why I brought you here.” He squeezed his hand three times, making Alex’s ghost heart skip a beat. “Let’s go!” He then pulled Alex with him further into the wedding reception.

They stopped in the middle of the dancefloor, where there were a few lifers slow dancing. Alex gulped, waiting for them to slow dance as well. Willie then pointed to the DJ setup and snapped his hand. Suddenly the beat of a song that Alex may or may not have listened to at least three times that day, started to fill the speakers.

Alex felt his lips spread into a giant smile once more and laughed when he noticed the shocked reactions on the wedding’s patrons' faces from the sudden song change.

“Thought you might like that.” Willy announced proudly, giving him a soft look.

They then noticed how the patrons were now starting to dance to the song, making even more people coming up to the dance floor.

Alex was the first to start dancing, WIlly immediately following right after.

There were some moments where they danced next to each other, and other where their hands would collide and they’d do different moves like swinging each other around. Sometimes they would go through the lifers or dance around them. But all the while they were singing at the top of their lungs as well.

Don't be a drag, just be a queen

Whether you're broke or evergreen

You're black, white, beige, cholo descent

You're Lebanese, you're orient

Whether life's disabilities

Left you outcast, bullied, or teased

Rejoice and love yourself today

Dancing next to each other again, they both then turned to one another, grabbed the other’s hands, and softly sang, “'Cause baby, you were born this way”

They then went back to belting it out at the top of their lungs.

No matter gay, straight, or bi

Lesbian, transgender life

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born to survive

No matter black, white, or beige

Chola or orient made

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born to be brave!

Alex shouted the last part as loud as he could, throwing an arm in the air.

I'm beautiful in my way

'Cause God makes no mistakes

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret

Just love yourself, and you're set

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way, yeah

They continued to dance and sing, having the time of their ghost lives.

Once the song was getting to the end, the two boys latched their hands together and started to sing the rest to each other.

Ooh, there ain't no other way

Baby, I was born this way

Baby, I was born this way (Born this way)

Ooh, there ain't no other way

Baby, I was born this way

Right track, baby

I was born this way

I was born this way, hey

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way

They then leaned closer to each other for the last part.

I was born this way, hey

I'm on the right track, baby

They sang softly to each other, their lips only a few inches apart.

“I was born this way, hey!”

And then their lips collided, their giant smiles remaining.

#julie and the phantoms #alex #alex molina #willex #carrie wilson #willie #jatp fic #kj gets a prompt #my writing #kj's writing #again thank you so much #i'm not sure about

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thecorteztwins · 5 years ago

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Werewolf Shinobi @esteicy-blog! Also tagging @acaprioglino @shattered-catalyst @sammysdewysensitiveeyes because I think you’ll enjoy it, as it has your chaotic dumbass boy! Shinobi Shaw was not a good werewolf. The first time he transformed, he didn’t rampage, or attack livestock, or eat people. He just had a really hard time adjusting to having four legs and tottered around the house falling all over his own paws, then barked at the mirror for two hours. He then had proceeded to just hide under his blanket with his nose poking out. His next few full moons had not gone any better. And worst of all, got sprayed by a skunk. His human form was just as embarrassing. He got distracted by squirrels mid-flirtation. He was starting to get really into sniffing people at parties. He attempted to run after cars, but still wasn’t in good enough shape for it so he just got worn out and started wheezing and whining and begging anyone he was with to carry him. And while making out with a guy at his apartment, the man’s cat had walked in. Immediately, Shinobi had jumped down to all fours to chase it...only for the cat to beat him up. Needless to say, his pack leaders were not pleased. He was before them now in his wolf form, which looked more like a coyote-sized black fox that anything, slim and silver-ticked with white paws. His tail was tucked, his ears were drooping, and his amber eyes were upturned in supplication towards the trio passing judgement on him from the rocks above that served as their thrones. Emma Frost. Erik Lehnsherr. And Sebastian Shaw, Shinobi’s own father. The representatives of the three most powerful werewolf clans in the territory, and the sternest, hardest-hearted, scariest people that Shinobi had ever met...with his father being the worst in all three categories. It wasn’t just that he was mean, or yelled, or told Shinobi he was a worthless idiot every time he saw him. It was the fact he hit him in human form, and bit him around the neck as a wolf, every time Shinobi disappointed or failed him. Which was often. Shinobi was trying not to cry.

Luckily, it was Emma who spoke, otherwise he might have lost that battle, and no one wanted to see a wolf weep. ”Shinobi Shaw, three times you have been granted the opportunity to prove yourself worthy as a werewolf of the Hell’s Fire Pack. Three times you have failed---and in rather spectacular fashion, I might add.” It had indeed been spectacular. The first time had involved a lake, the second a tanker truck, and the third time....a grand but accidental fireworks display that had frightened off every prey in the area during a hunt. Shinobi still wasn’t sure how any of it happened, but he suspected that the “liquid courage” he had consumed beforehand to “calm his nerves” might have had something to do with it. ”Three chances is traditionally all one gets,” Emma continues, “And it is typically MORE than one ever needs.” His ears drooped lower and he slumped. ”However...” His ears perked up. ”When the three of us assumed leadership of Hell’s Fire, part of the mandate that united us was the belief that some traditions must be torn down or at the very least modified to better suit the modern age and to best serve the pups of this generation. Lone wolves are a risk not only to themselves, but our species as a whole, and we would prefer for such a fate only to be earned by malicious action, not mere incompetence. Thus, for the time being...you are permitted to remain here, though you are still counted not counted as having any rank or truly belonging to the pack. But you are also not counted as a cub either. You are...your own category. Until we figure out what to do next with you.” His own category? He looked up. He was unique! He was special! He was so clever and amazing they had to make a new category just for him! As delusional as that was, it was either that or face the sense of crushing failure that was weighing down on his slim canine shoulders, so he embraced it...and avoided the stony GLARE of his father from on high, silent at Emma’s side, opposite of the other male, Erik. He had a feeling that his father probably had NOT been the one to vote to let him stay. But he would show him! He would show them all! He was just having a rough start, but he would be the best wolf ever! The best wolf the Hell’s Fire pack had ever seen in HISTORY! Bounding off into the woods after his dismissal, ignoring the laughs and taunts of packmates, his slender chest filled with determination, with confidence, with courage! He was going to--- He stopped in his tracks, kicking up quite a few leaves from the forest floor, as he realized, fuck, he didn’t know what to do. How could he prove himself? Let’s see...he had failed three attempts at the Rite of Passage, in which a young werewolf was given a task to prove himself worthy... Aha! That was the problem! The challenges were wrong! He would just have to make his own! And to do that, he needed inspiration! And for inspiration, he needed...BOOZE! So he trotted down to town and went into the nearest bar....and was promptly chased out with a broom by the screaming bartender. Oh, right, he was still in wolf form. He shapeshifted into his human state, and went back in...only to get chased out again, this time because he was naked. Man, some people were so uptight! After procuring some proper attire---meaning he swung by the designer boutique up the street where he had a personal account, rather than just go back to his penthouse to get clothes he already owned---he returned to the bar, told them they had made a huge mistake and he would now take his business elsewhere, and asked if anyone could lend him a $20 for an Uber. No one did. Then he remembered he had a driver he could just call. So he asked if anyone could lend him their cell phone. Wolves really needed to develop pockets in their coats. Eventually, he did manage to get to the upscale club he had in mind, though only by taking public transport like a SAVAGE. But he’d felt unsafe on the subway was a beautiful and affluent-looking human, so he’d shifted back into his wolf form for the trip... Meaning that someone was on a subway car with a wolf that was wearing fabulous sunglasses (at night) and a big fuzzy brilliantly purple haute couture coat. He was probably responsible for a WHOLE lot of people thinking they were either on drugs, or needed to quit them. He shifted back, got into the club, and... That was the last thing he remembered before waking up in the dog pound, in his wolf form again and without his new clothes. Oh, well, no big, this had happened before, he would just--- ”Hello there.” A WOMAN IN A LAB COAT was looking down at him. Something about her reminded him of Emma Frost, and not just because she was an attractive blonde. His tailed wagged and he hoped for pats. ”Don’t play puppy with me, wolf,” she said in a smirking tone, and his eyes went wide. She knew! ”Yes, I know what you are,” she continued, as though she had read his mind, ”Just stay in your current form, and everything will be fine. I’m getting you out of here.” Oh wow, he had found an ally! The pack would be so proud of him! She had on the white coat so she must be a doctor, maybe a vet! That was great! They needed people like her! After she had filled out his adoption paperwork, she walked him back to her car on a leash, something he enjoyed IMMENSELY. Once he was in the passenger seat, he turned into his human state again, to let her see just what a gorgeous specimen she had procured for herself. ”Hey there babe. I’m Shinobi Shaw, and I’m all ready to be your new pet. Or should I say---” ”Oh, shut up,” was the last thing he heard as she sprayed a can of knock out gas at him and he collapsed. When he regained consciousness, he was in a cage once again. A lab this time. Even he could recognize that, with all the beakers and test tubes around with unpleasant looking fluids in them, not to mention the other animals and people---people!---in cages there too. Many of the animals were squeaking or crying in pain, but the people...they didn’t move. And they didn’t look good either. Their naked skin had strange green patches, almost like they were growing algae from their flesh. Skin tags the size of plums drooped at random places. Liver spots were swollen and growing small horns. Teeth were sticking out of places that were NOT there mouths. And some of them were...kinda oozing. It had the antiseptic smell of a hospital...mixed, paradoxically and disturbingly with the smell of rot. Rot, and radiation. What kind of crazy medical kink play had he gotten into?! ”Oh hey babe---or should I say Mistress? Doctor, maybe?” he posed in as sexy a position as he could in the cramped cage as the blonde woman entered the lab. A hush fell over it, the animals too scared to continue their howls and squawks, the people too far gone to speak. As soon as he tells me everything I need to know, I’m wiring his jaws shut and excising his tongue, thought Dr. June Covington. Out of all the supernatural creatures she was studying, she’d expected werewolves to be the most taciturn, thinking they would be more like animals than people....although, in a way, she was right, this guy WAS an animal. And a dumb one at that. ��Shut up,” she said simply, just as she had in the car. She unlocked the cage, grabbed him by the neck, and hauled him out. As she expected, he went willingly; it was why she hadn’t used anesthetic on him as she usually did with such creatures. She’d thought that his enthusiasm might wane as the experiments began, and yet, it did not. He clearly enjoyed them, writing around and making kinky innuendo throughout. She finally muzzled him, and he just clearly enjoyed that. She began considering anesthetizing him just so she wouldn’t have to put up with this shit, but she went through a LOT of sedatives, it was unwise to waste it on him if she didn’t have to. She’d hate to find herself facing down a PROPER werewolf without enough sedatives on hand when she needed it. This proved to be a fatal mistake. When she turned him over to insert the thermometer meant to check the temperature changes involved in shapeshifting, that was when things went to hell. Oh, he didn’t resist it, quite the opposite, he was clearly HAPPY about it. Too happy. Though still in human form, his tail sprouted, and he began wagging it. Hard. Very hard. So much so, he knocked over a VERY precious combination of chemicals.... “No!” was all that Dr. June Covington had time to get out before the place EXPLODED. The next thing that Shinobi remembered, he was waking up in one of the caves that the pack used in their meeting place in the wolves, surrounded by the concerned faces of packmates. “He’s coming to!” said one of the healers. “He’s awake!” “He’s going to be alright!”

And then...they started cheering. Shinobi was very confused. More than usual, that is. In a daze, his packmates walked him to the clearing that was overlooked by the rocks on which the leaders perched. He was expecting a scolding, or worse, exile. Instead, what Emma said was, “Shinobi Shaw, you have proven yourself three times over and then some. You discovered, infiltrated, and destroyed one of our deadliest enemies. Dr. June Covington has kidnapped and vivisected thousands of our kind in her foul experiments, but you put an end to it---and for that, you have the gratitude of this pack, and all lycanthropes, all magical creatures, forever.” Shinobi stood there, stunned.

And he realized the best thing about this. It was a good excuse for a PARTY!

#fic #writing

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eolian-234 · 5 years ago

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The Supplejack

Previous: Chapter Eight: The Ned Saga

Summary: Peter Parker has been alone his whole freshman year but finds hope when Stark Industries announces a science competition. The prize? An internship with Tony Stark.

Here is link to chapters!

Hi friends. Happy New Year! I'm wishing you health and happiness in the year to come. Thank you for all the support! I can't say how much it means to me.

Chapter Nine: Progress

The motion of the sliding doors caught Peter’s eye and he looked up in time to see Julia entering the lab. A toothy smile came over her face and with a small blush she waved when she saw him. He managed to smile back.

It was just over two months of the internship gone and their work was steadily progressing. Peter was never fond of the intricacies of group work and was especially hyper sensitive to the forming of them in this one. He didn’t want to do anything that would cause the group to collapse or, more likely, implode.

Frank and Monica were the natural leaders of the group and, for the most part, got along with each other. There was this underlying tension between the two that had Peter carefully managing his interactions. When they first were assigned together it was difficult to move forward because they were both trying to prove themselves to the group and then to themselves.

They spent hours brainstorming their ideas. He thought it was a done deal and that they could begin researching immediately but unfortunately, they had other ideas. Both came in with huge presentations. Him and Julia were stuck in the middle of their debates for which direction they should go forward. It would have been funny if Peter wasn’t so scared of their group falling behind and getting in trouble.

Peter couldn’t bring himself to choose and saw the benefits of both choices. He remained firmly neutral and it was Julia, cheeks a deep red, that came up with a plan. It leaned more toward Monica’s overall but combined aspects of Franks into it. Neither party was particularly happy but Julia quietly guided their group together.

Peter thought it was odd how it came to pass. He connected with her because they were both quiet. Both seemingly the followers, the enactors of their group. But it was through this circumstance Julia showed her true cards.

It wasn’t unnatural but something Peter simply wasn’t used to. He knew of leaders like Uncle Ben who vocalized their role and authority. People respected his uncle because of the honor he bestowed to his code and to the people around him. Ned was the same way. Peter watched as Ned spoke to the people at the lunch table the few times he went back. The others looked to Ned on what he thought. Midge and Brian were always arguing about something and when the point needed examining, they sought Ned to do it.

Julia was completely different. Instead of outright leading she guided their group through the members. The situation with Monica and Frank was the perfect example.

He saw her talking to Frank after the presentation battle. She handed him her notes and began asking him questions about why he chose aerobic digestion for their topic and what he still needed to research. Peter assumed they sat there after he left, engrossed in the benefits and negatives of each segment. Later in the week they met again and Frank presented a bunch of new ideas on how they could incorporate his idea into Monica’s. Frank didn’t say anything about the talk he had with Julia and the girl was equally as silent. Peter did see a small smile play across her face when Monica assented to the whole thing and their team began planning again.

There were also little things she did to smooth of the wrinkles. Small questions she asked or new material she would bring that would shed light on a constraint or help them broaden their research. Without all of her inputs, their project would be in a completely different place and she did it all without being the ‘leader’ of the group. Peter wasn’t even sure if the two others knew what was happening.

Julia was also the one who he had the most interaction with. Frank worked on different hours than all of them. Although Peter technically worked with Monica the most, they rarely talked and never about anything else. It was Julia who he felt connected to, which was normally something Peter didn’t feel so easily.

She slowly integrated herself in Peter’s work time. On the always arrived at the Tower first because her school was farther away than Midtown. The first of which Peter was already knees deep in paper at his little table by the window. She told him afterwards she’d been trying to gain his attention for a while and on receiving no answer decided to give up. She sat down and began working herself.

Peter came out of his trance and realized the sky was dark. He stretched and looked down at the desk. There piled on top of the papers was a head of hair. His breath stole away as he realized she must have fallen asleep sometime during her work. Uncertainty coiled in his stomach. Should he wake her or let her rest? He checked the time and saw how late it was. He had to get home so wake her it was. Gently he lifted his hand up and, after hesitating, set it on her shoulder, giving one firm nudge before snatching his hand back. She didn’t move and Peter repeated the action again but this time he whispered her name.

She groaned and lifted her head, revealing a line imprinted into the side of her face. A notebook lay innocently on the desk where her head had rested on. Peter broke out in a smile.

“Peter?” She asked, her voice foggy with the remnants of sleep.

“Sorry, I wasn’t sure if I should wake you but I didn’t want to leave you here.”

She yawned and started gathering the papers.

“It’s alright. Thanks for waking me.” Julia smiled and Peter stared as she went back to organizing. They didn’t talk on the way out. Just wandered down the down the streets until they got to the subway. Her stop was after his but he rode next to her until her spot. It was quiet between them. Not uncomfortable or anything but easy, relaxing.

Hesitantly she began talking about her family after Peter forced himself to ask. They’d just introduced three new members into their family. A small baby named Alex and two fluffy cats. One was named BOGO, short for Buy One Get One, and the other was Free as they were having a sale on the cats at the pound.

The doors closed behind her and Peter continued sitting. Her small hand waved beyond the glass and then she was out of sight. After taking another subway back some stops he got to his exit.

He remembered eating dinner alone that night. May was at work and while his food cooled untouched he thought of the way she let him borrow the notes and her hand, eclipsed by the large jacket sleeves, waving from the platform.

From there on out it was little things like that. Julia would always come over and sit with him at the table. She started bringing in snacks and always had enough for both of them. Sometimes they would talk and other times not. It was little things that had Peter relaxing around her and soon he felt a burst of warmth when she sat across from him.

Today she came straight to their table and Peter began moving his papers to his half of the table.

“Hey, Peter. What’s up?”

“I think I’ve got what we need.” He bounced up on his seat and tucked his legs underneath.

“Really?”

“Yeah! I found out that Oscorp has a prototype of the equipment that would work great. Of course, it would need minor readjustments and actually we just could build it ourselves but we would have to see the prototype and then figure out from there. It might be too much time. And, uh, we’ll just have to see.” He laughed awkwardly and brought his hand up to the back of his neck. Julia sat with a smile crooked smile on her face.

“That sounds great, Peter. Can I see your notes and over the weekend I can email them to Frank and Monica? See what they think?”

The papers were sitting in front of her before she was done talking. She nodded and gathered them into their folder.

They worked into the early evening. The elevators chimed and Friday’s voice carried over the sound system.

“Good Evening Peter and Julia. You are required in lab two.” Julia raised her eyebrows.

“Thank you, Friday.”

“What was that the Friday?” She whispered. He grinned bringing his eyes up in sympathy to Friday. On one of their many talks to lab two Peter discovered Friday was quite the celebrity around the Tower. Friday told him that some of the younger workers would try to get Friday to speak out loud. He laughed out loud when Friday relayed how one person would walk around empty rooms knocking on walls and whispering to the ceiling.

“I’ve been helping out on another project after this one. Will you - are you alright going home?”

Julia tucked her hair behind her ear and nodded. “Yeah, don’t worry about me. Thank you again and I’ll make sure everyone has that stuff.”

“Thank you. Have a nice weekend. I’ll see you next week?”

“Yeah. See you, Peter.”

His fingers brushed against the seam if his pants and reminded himself to text her later that night to make sure she got home safe. He decided to take the stairs and Friday chatted with him on the way up.

“Boss has an update in the coming month so I will be offline for the day.” She said.

Peter worried his lip.

“Will you be okay?”

“I will be fine, Peter. It is protocol, but thank you for the concern.”

He frowned at the thought of Friday being… tampered with. The stairwell was chilly and he pulled the sleeves down around his hands.

“Peter.” His head whipped around and he saw Mr. Stark walking toward him. Mr. Stark walked coolly down the hall, a spring in his step. Peter could image the people in the rooms he was passing by. They would all turn their heads, crowding around the windows just to catch a glimpse of the boss.

He set his hand on Peter’s shoulder and Peter was proud when he didn’t flinch back.

“Hey Mr. Stark. How’s it, um, going?”

“Good, good.” Mr. Stark looked down and Peter flushed at the searching gaze. “Shall we?”

He began heading into the lab when he realized Mr. Stark was walking back down the hallway. Peter scrambled to catch up and filed in line next to the man. On observation Peter was surprised to find his earlier thoughts were correct. As they walked down the hallway people were looking out of their offices. Some looked put out Peter was walking, now blocking their view of Mr. Stark and others quickly looked away when they were caught staring.

Peter wanted to ask where they were going and why they weren’t going to the lab, but the people in the rooms lining the hallway kept distracting his question. He slid his eyes to the other side to observe Mr. Stark. The man was… unperturbed. There was nothing in his body language to give away he was feeling uncomfortable. He walked, well, it was like everyone in the world was watching him or no one was and he was free. Eyes forward, hands relaxed at his side, and the barest of sways with each stride. There was confidence there and acknowledgement of something, maybe power.

��Mr. Stark…is this normal?”

The man looked down at him for a moment and then looked to the side. This turned out to be the wrong thing to do because it sent some of the workers into a tizzy. A giggle bubbled out of his stomach and soon he was fully laughing at the image. Mr. Stark was cracking a smile at their antics.

“I-I’m sorry, Mr. Stark but did you see that guy? You gave him the side eye and he spit the coffee everywhere.” His hands braced on his legs right above his knees as he took deep breaths.

He looked up to see the smile gone from his face. The man looked in deep thought and Peter’s stomach clenched. Was this a taboo topic? Was he friends with the guy in the room?

“I shouldn’t laugh. I’m sorry. I…”

Mr. Stark raised his hand and Peter fell silent. He shifted back and forth, and his hands began to sweat. The elevator chimed and they exited into a living space area. Well, a living room if you were mega-rich, which Peter knew Mr. Stark was.

There were fancy glass tables and bookshelves with only really large books in them. The whole far wall was a window and the skyline view was better than the one at his table.

“This is beautiful.” He said wandering closer to the window. He could feel Mr. Stark following him and the two stood, staring out. “Wow, Mr. Stark. This view. I feel like I’m seeing the whole world.”

Peter could feel eyes on him but he couldn’t worry. For the moment the way the sun’s rays were caught by the buildings and then distributed out over the city was all he could see. Fire rose in the normally grey cityscape and ignited the world like a painting. His breath caught at the sight. The gaze left him as Mr. Stark looked back out.

“It is.” He said. The man sighed and poured himself a drink, fixing Peter a water. They sat down in the living room. Mr. Stark made sure their seats were facing the window. Peter sat on the edge of it. The crisp material was too new under him and he wanted to limit how much he touched.

“It’s always like that and, to be honest, I haven’t even noticed it recently. Not until we walked down that hallway.” He sighed and ran his hand thought his hair. Peter wasn’t sure Mr. Stark was actually talking to him. The man almost seemed like he forgot Peter was there. He could smell the alcohol from his spot and worried the inside of his check about it although he wasn’t sure why.

“It was funny with the coffee, wasn’t it?” He said and Peter nodded, clasping his hands tight. Mr. Stark finally looked up and saw Peter. He must have looked a hundred kinds of pathetic because the man got up. Peter couldn’t see but he heard the sink running and then some tinkering.

Mr. Stark came back with a snack for them and another water.

“It’s been a week.” He said and Peter, feeling like a bobble head nodded again. “You know I haven’t even noticed the view until just now too. But you’re right, it’s like we’re looking at the whole world.”

Mr. Stark stared out again and then clapped his hands, making Peter jolt back.

“Alright. I really wanted to check up and…”

The air was cool despite spring ending soon. The cool wicked against his overheated skin and Peter breathed out for what felt like the first time that day. He could honestly say he wasn’t sure what just happened.

The plans were originally to work in the lab. The prototype was almost done and time before the school year was short, but they hadn’t talked about the work at all.

Instead Mr. Stark was… weird. And then he wasn’t.

At first there was such a poignant melancholy draped around him. It was unlike the Mr. Stark he’d worked with so far. The way he stared out that window. Peter couldn’t tell if he was seeing it for the first time or saying goodbye. Then he snapped back to normal.

Peter was left unsure of their words or his responses.

They’ talked about normal stuff. Well, what seemed normal. Mr. Stark asked about school and Peter hesitantly dived into English class. He wasn’t sure with Mr. Stark being a science guy if he would be interested in literature and Peter had seen the state of those bookshelves. To his surprise the man easily conversed about the newest section of Pride and Prejudice they were reading. They discussed the importance of letters as a form of communication in the novel and Peter found himself debating whether Caroline was really coldhearted in the end. It was pleasant to get his mind off of everything. To talk about nothing for a while.

But his maudlin expression and the smell of alcohol stopped Peter in his tracks. Mr. Stark got rid of the alcohol. Peter was sure he saw the uncomfortable look on his face and without making a big deal, without saying anything, he got up and dumped it out. His heart clenched. Maybe he should have said something to make him feel better, if he was feeling ill at all.

His phone buzzed and Peter flipped it open. He smiled at the background. Before he left he took a photo of the skyline and sunset. It really was beautiful. A text came in and Mr. Stark’s name appeared. He opened it and felt a warm feeling in his belly settle.

Peter, text me when you get home safe. Next time I’m not taking no for an answer to driving you home.

He shut the phone and leaned his head back. He wasn’t certain why Mr. Stark was asking about him, but for the moment he didn’t care. With a smile on his face he flipped the phone open once more to see his new background and to read the text one more time.

Thank you!

taglist: @verdonafrost @whatisthou @demi-starzak

Next Chapter Ten: Fast-forward

#spiderman fanfiction #peter parker #shy peter parker #marvel fanfiction #mcu #Tony stark #irondad and spiderson #Irondad #OC friend #my writing #eliza writes #The supplejack #peter parker fanfiction #Tony stark fanfic #irondad fanfiction

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voicesfromthelight · 5 years ago

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Getting The Wires Crossed - A Potential Pitfall to Watch Out for in Mediumistic Group Settings

Today, I’d like to discuss an issue that has cropped up for me, once in a while, in the process of learning evidential mediumship in a group setting. Namely, I am speaking of the kind of confusion that can happen when we receive mediumistic information that is genuine and accurate, but, because of the presence of many different energies in the room, fail to recognize the correct recipient of it, sometimes even mistaking messages meant for ourselves, for ones meant for others. I call it “getting the wires crossed.”

As I’ve mentioned before in my posts, although my connection with my spirit guides is strong, and my readings rely almost completely on their channeled communications, as a medium passing on messages between the living and the dead, I am still a work in progress. Getting the wires crossed is one challenge I have faced in my learning process. I haven’t yet figured out how to resolve this issue, and suspect it is something that mediums grow out of over time, but perhaps being aware that things like this can happen can help all of us catch little mixups like them more consistently. (It can also make for some funny stories, so, why not take this opportunity to share some of them?) I was reminded of this phenomenon last night, at a tango event, when a detail that had come through in a group setting suddenly turned out to be relevant not to a person at that circle, but to myself.

Two days earlier, after a long hiatus from participating in mediumistic message circles, I had attended one organized by The Holistic Studies Institute. This was somewhat outside of my comfort zone, as most of my readings are currently channeled at a distance, and not the result of real-time mediumship. I was excited to get back to honing my skills.

After the initial prayer and meditation, I eased into tuning into the group energy, and then turned my attention to each person in the circle. As the leaders of the circle passed on their first message to a woman sitting across from me, I saw, in my mind’s eye, the Italian island of Sicily. Knowing how clairvoyant symbolism had been working for me, lately, I understood this to either be a literal image of Sicily, or a symbol for the name Cecily (or, at the limit, Cecilia.) I would have to wait until later to confirm the relevance of this communication, as only the leaders were passing on messages during the circle itself.

As the session progressed, I began to receive more impressions of the attendants. One man received a message from one of the leaders of the circle that he would be traveling to Greece next year, and for a moment, I second-guessed myself, thinking that maybe the impression I had gotten of an island in Southern Europe was actually coming from him. Then, looking at a young woman sitting by a window, I saw a flash of silver around her throat, and a symbol of twins above her. I heard a snippet of a name that sounded like Kia, Kyle or Kai. Finally, I saw the Golden Gate Bridge - a symbol for San Francisco. There was an exceptional feeling of urgency to what I knew I needed to tell her: To pursue public speaking, and use her power of communication to align with her highest purpose - to inspire others and make the world a better place.

At the end of the circle, I went over to the young woman, and passed on what I had received. While the name didn’t have a current association with her, it turned out that the symbol of twins was a strongly evidential detail within the context of her family history. The city of San Francisco and the message about public speaking were both relevant, as well. We both felt exhilarated by the exchange, and I felt confident enough to go to the first woman to receive a message that evening, and pass on my impression of Sicily - or Cecily, as the case may have been. My communication was met with a blank stare. “OK,” I thought. That detail might only reveal its relevance later. My job was merely to pass it on. Still, I had hoped for confirmation, so, I walked away wondering if my imagination had run away with me.

Two nights later - last night - at one of the many Argentine tango events I attend, a lovely woman asked me to dance. (In the New York milonga scene, especially in recent years, it has become more and more common for people to break out of the traditional gender roles that have held such strong sway over the tango world in the past.) I had danced with her once before, earlier in the summer, but couldn’t remember her name, so, after our tanda, I asked her to remind me. “I’m Cecily,” she said.

This wasn’t the first time this had happened. In my last post on The Macarena Incident, you may recall that while meditating on the energies of people surrounding me on the subway, I received the name “Carmen,” thinking it was associated with the man standing next to me. Instead, it turned out to be relevant to my own experience later that evening. As I made my way home last night, I was reminded of other, uncanny incidents of a similar nature. I realized that this has become a bit of a pattern for me in group settings.

Last spring, at a mediumship circle, while meditating, I received very clear impressions of two spirits - a stocky, rustically dressed man named Simon, and a slender woman with brown hair named Millicent. Not recognizing them from my own life, and thinking they were at the circle for someone else, I diligently jotted down all the details, waiting for the circle to open up for attendants to speak up. Lo and behold, when it was my turn to receive my message from the leader of the circle, he described the exact spirits I had picked up on, down to names. As it turned out, the two strangers were there for me. (The story of how Simon and “Millie” proceeded to hang around me for the next few days after crashing that party is the subject of a whole other, weird post.)

One of these kinds of incidents was especially memorable, and a great example of just how easy it can be to miss the obvious when we are caught up in the moment during a reading.

A while ago, right before my guides prompted me to start giving channeled readings professionally, I attended a message circle started by another local medium. We’ll call her Anne. It was a new group, and only Anne, myself, and one other person were in attendance. (That other person would become my first client.) Anne was eager to teach us the process of evidential mediumship, and encouraged us to trust in the impressions we were receiving. She asked me to read her.

As I tuned into Anne’s energy, I heard the name “Sofia,” and soon, a woman with short, wavy brown hair, dressed in a fancy dress, kind of like one an opera singer would wear to a concert, appeared in my inner eye. What I was seeing, in fact, was my grandmother as a young woman. I assumed that the person coming through for Anne must have looked a lot like her, and my grandmother was appearing as a clairvoyant symbol. As I described what I was seeing, Anne recognized her aunt. The name I had received was not her aunt’s name, however, so I chalked up my error to beginner’s bumbling.

The next day, I spoke to Anne over the phone. In the context of an unrelated conversation, seemingly not remembering the name I had brought through, she mentioned that she had been woken up the previous night by a spirit loudly announcing herself as Sofia, declaring herself to be Anne’s new spirit guide. “Do you think she might be Sofia, the goddess of wisdom?” Anne wondered.

After my phone call with Anne, I went to do my daily channeling session. During it, Salvador casually informed me that Sofia was a departed soul who had been drawn to the circle because of an association with “someone else” who was present, and had decided to become Anne’s spirit guide on the spot.

Then, it hit me, and I burst out laughing. I couldn’t believe it had taken me so long to realize what was going on.

My grandmother’s birth name was Sofia.

I had always known my grandmother by the Finnish version of her name she adopted in early adulthood - Sohvi. It was plain to see now that either she had been inspired to take on a new hobby as spirit guide to Anne - whose colorful personality in many ways reminded me of her - or, simply put, she was messing with her.

I sheepishly messaged Anne to inform her that most likely, her newly-minted spirit guide was not the ancient goddess of wisdom, but a mischievous matriarch from the family of Yours Truly. Should she choose to work with her nonetheless, they had my blessing. I thought they would get along just great. In fact, my “Sohvi-mummi” is most probably the person, if any such exists, from whom I inherited my psychic tendencies. It made perfect sense.

I told my mother about this incident, who in turn, told my uncle. My uncle took it in stride, saying that a few days after her death, when he had called her old home number, my grandmother had answered the phone with her maiden name, in the voice of a little girl. (She was deeply disoriented about time towards the end of her life, waking up in her nursing home to agitated thoughts of having forgotten to take the cows to pasture - something she had not done for over 70 years.) It seemed my grandmother had a history of being skilled in inter-dimensional communication.

I don’t think I am the only person studying psychic development or mediumship to whom this kind of thing happens. It’s an interesting phenomenon, and can lead to some very funny situations, as you can see. However, in the long-term, it is definitely in the best interest of everyone concerned to figure out when one’s energetic wires are getting crossed, and, failing that, maybe limit one’s reading practice to private, one-on-one sessions. Often, the simplest solution to these kinds of issues is simply to ask: “Who is this for? Is this for me? Is this for so-and-so?” Alas, so far, my experience has been that this doesn’t always work. So, has this ever happened to you? If so, have you figured out how to plan for such incidents and clear up the confusion? Let me know!

P.S. Since first posting this piece, Salvador has weighed in on how to beat this issue. Here is what he said.

#psychic development #psychic readings #mediumship #psychic medium #psychic development circles #shaman #life after death #psychic #spirit guides

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abyss-mal-blog1 · 6 years ago

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current mind-space//word vomit

it’s amazing how much can change in a few days, but it hasn’t been a week since my finals ended and i already felt so different. i have been doing f45 everyday this week (if not then some kind of workout, but i’ve really been into that recently). i am feeling so much better now without deadlines, sometimes i don’t know if i function better under pressure or not. i guess not, but then it’s amazing how much i can do and achieve under pressure. i need the right amount of pressure, and this semester it has been a little difficult for me to get around that.

last friday was kinda my last day of finals, i just had an essay to submit, and i am disappointed in myself and my work ethic because i submitted it at 9pm, went to my cousin’s (disappointing) party, and then professor emailed me to say that she cannot read Pages format (seriously smh @ my tardiness!!!), only got back at 1am that night and sent my mediocre essay. i am a little sad about it because i know that is not my 100%. idk why but college so far has just been a series of 80% effort. this paper was an interesting one, on airbnb, on the sharing economy, it’s a performance studies paper where i analyze the hospitality platform in terms of host-user relationship, parasitism and (attempted) to talk about free online labor. it is a little too late now but i kinda want to work on it again and like, submit for feedback. maybe ill ask taylor.

last saturday was kinda meh, i agreed to go to a *social* kinda event at a bar/club at chelsea, held for Asian-ivy-alumni-people that yanlin invited me too. it was at up&up and honestly a little...i didn’t enjoy it at all. the music sucked, the people were either too dorky or gross or old or weird, and the whole time i just kept saying to myself, “never again”. they said it was open bar but they only served absolut, which was shit. and then my friend’s two friends were...i feel sorry that this was their first clubbing experience. at the beginning my reaction was look at all these ivy alumni! get hitched with one of them for ~da connectsx~ (and nothing else) but no kidding i was actually interested in talking to them just to get to know what people who graduated from ivies are up to, and what are they doing at such events...and are they actually enjoying themselves because it was really kinda gross. met my friend’s friend who seemed like a really smart engineer (he asked for my number the next day lol), and a german dude at the bar who didn’t want to get me a drink. all i needed that night was a drink.....(i’m glad i didn’t drink tho because recently drinking has made me feel all kinds of bad) we had ramen after at ramen-ya (most probably the worst ramen and charsiew i’ve had but what can we do at 3am and my friend wanted noodle and soup...)

on sunday i KNow i should have left my house earlier to workout but i didn’t. i was angry at myself that i didn’t. instead, i stayed at home and emotion-ate. i must have eaten more green bean soup than my stomach would have liked. what else...avocado? i remember..two bananas? god. this was the day i felt like i was n’s boyfriend because i had to do what she wanted to do. i know i had agreed on going, but at that point i really wanted to go thrifting or something. i mean when i got to central park it was fine and things were good but the whole day just felt like i was kinda pulled into doing something that wasn’t my first choice of plans, not that i didn’t enjoy myself lying under the sun at the park. it just felt like i was accompanying someone. i was half an hour late to meet her as well, and half heartedly got a burrito-wrap at newsbar. if you think about it it is really kinda funny, we’re just buying food and taking the subway to this grass patch 50 blocks away. we didn’t walk much, we literally only stayed at a little grassy slope overlooking the baseball pitch. anyway we went to a dance class after (the class was an hour long but i felt like n had asked me about when and what time we should book the classes for more than an hour by text so i just got really sick of it) i rushed home and got dinner with my uncle who’s in town for my cousin’s graduation. i was surprised that he chose the same japanese restaurant again, after dissing it half a year ago we ate here. the omakase was crazy and it cost 230 per person. (for the most expensive set) it was also kinda dumb because you aren’t allowed to order a different omakase set from anyone else - everyone on the table has to order the same - because of “timing”. i wonder if this is how it is in japanese omakase etiquette, but in any case it really earned them a hefty amount because my uncle decided to get 230 for all of us. qiyang didn’t like and said qiqi had bad taste, hahaha. the food wasn’t bad, i mean it’s japanese fusion, but the prices were way too steep for the taste. anyway enough about the food, during the dinner i think we talked about many things though. i kinda wanted to talk to my uncle individually because i think he is the only one who knows about ah gong, but he was sick, and i could tell he was exhausted. my aunt got a little impatient because i didn’t arrange plans to take their furniture and they were going to throw all of them away and it was actually the first time i’ve seen her get so worked up - but at the same time trying to control her emotions - because she was talking to me. i could tell she was annoyed though but i tried not to take it personally, and arranged it tomorrow.

arranging the moving stuff was kinda last minute, i was walking to the library for work one day and i saw a truck that said MakeSpace. i assumed it was a kind of moving company and so i looked them up. they seemed to be pretty okay in terms of their services and so i decided to try them out. confirmation and setting up an appointment went pretty smoothly, except for the part where the guy i think his name was joseph, asked me to give my credit card details over the phone. idk why i did that! i stopped though, and asked him why, to which he replied he wanted to key in with the coupon code. this service has so much gimmicks within the first 2-3 minutes on the phone he was already telling me about how the first pick up is free, and that he will deduct 100$ off the first month...when people give you discounts too easily it just feels like a ploy and a thing they give to everyone, it’s not anything special and it’s probably calculated inside whatever we have to pay. anyway, i was just thinking it would be cheaper (assuming the maximum that i would have to pay is ~$500, as i confirmed with them on the phone yesterday), it’d still be cheaper than starting an apartment lease now and going through the trouble of finding two subletters.

well. idk, it’s also easy to have things all moved in, i have to find a place to store my perishables!

moving is so much work, and storing things. this reminds me of my paper on airbnb and about the digital nomad lifestyle. it is interesting though, that this is what it has become. but the homogenized aesthetic is something i really cannot stand, in airbnb, in coffeeshops around the world..i am sure you know what i’m talking about. a new york times writer did something about this - he termed it “Airspace” - and apparently it originated from Brooklyn. I guess that’s where the art/avant-garde stuff started. well. keep a look out im gonna write a blogpost about that

moving on

nat came to sleepover on sunday night and a few days after because the school kicks you out of the dorms you pay so much for right after your final ends. i forgot if we did something fun but i probably just fell asleep.

on monday i think i went to f45 and did cardio at Dumbo with Gi. he seems like a pretty nice trainer, the first time i went it was him and another girl Bertha (i think my first f45 was last tuesday) and i felt like i had two personal trainers with me - Gi was cheering me on and Bertha was doing it with me. it felt like such a good workout, one of the best ive had in a while. then work, where i arranged the movers stuff. i also realized i bought the wrong date for my flight ticket as my friends and had to buy one more...............

tuesday was the same f45 in the morning, and the bobst after. didn’t really get much work done at bobst. oh i also viewed a 3BR flex at 160. hella expensive and small, and dates didn’t work out anyway. also the broker who brought us to view the apartment was a very nice tall french man and his name was jean-francois which i couldn’t pronounce and asked nat but still called him jean as in jeen instead of john. this is why i have to learn french. you’re embarrassing. i also went to the itp/ima spring show with shubham which was super cool. there were many cool ideas, and i just wonder if i could create something like that. i didn’t get to see all of the exhibits which i regret, but i remember a few notable projects. one was an installation made with keyboards that randomly clicks, but when you hold your phone up it’ll stop. it’s made using 3d gestures. there’s also one at a gallery for surveillance, this team had a thing they call facebox, and it’s literally a box, that when you open it has a webcam that would capture your face, find you on facebook, and print out an invoice/receipt on how much you have earned for this giant tech company. what else...an AR project that when you scan a food, it shows you where the food comes from. nat said that she would love it if menus have something they could scan and then have pictures appear in ~holographic~ format, or maybe in the nearer future something on your phone that shows you a picture of the picture of the food. but isn’t it a surprise tho? sometimes the fun’s in the surprise, you read the description, you know what are the foods you’ll eat, leaving room to imagine or be surprised by how the chef puts it together! anyway, went for dinner with nat and jenny - got vegan shwarma (definitely wasn’t worth $14) and went to get crepes with will after.

wednesday we were gonna go to the dmv but we weren’t prepared. nat also needed to get her passport and she was lazy. wow the number of times i mentioned her, it feels like she’s my boyfriend at this point. talked to famz, sister, and beatrix. am currently considering if i should even go to beijing or just go straight home. fuck. went to bobst for work but no one was there i was just really sleepy. viewed an apartment at 55 morton (it’s a nice quiet residential street that seems to be tucked away from the loud cars and bars and people) then i went to f45 again-varsity!!! cardio!!!, walked across brooklyn bridge (a little regret although i wanted to walk, but my bag was heavy and there were too many tourists to brisk walk)

also the reason for this is that after my soba/miso/salad/shrimp dinner last night i was just watching a bunch of netflix shows and it was probably the caffeine from puerto rican roasting company - the barista made me a chai cappuccino with almond milk (3 SHOTS!!!)

me and nat couldn’t sleep, i really think i slept for an hour. i watched so many different shows, yoko and john’s documentary, while we were young, anthony bourdain, i was seriously flipping through all the shows and alternating between amazonprme and youtube and netflix and i even tried watching peaceful cuisine and making the brightness lower and had the sleep mode on and wow i just couldn’t sleep

so yeah the birth of this word vomit

i am going to create more things

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davidjjohnston3 · 4 years ago

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Facebook Insomnia 7.25.2021 1. I am still sad to conceptualize life in terms of fiction and the condition of fiction rather than Christianity undivided. Today I had a lot of images of Japan in my mind. I heard the phrase 'Japanese Breakfast' which is the rock-star name of the author of 'Crying at H-Mart' a famous book. I remembered someone who once dated someone who became my enemy. This person I respected I now realize and I am happy that I didn't say anything excessively stupid that would have implied I look down on her, saw her as easy, saw her as 'material to work on,' someone to have a plan for etc. I asked her once for help getting someone to interview at Deloitte for consulting only this person was in Accounting. I never really saw this person as in my league or anything to me except as a 'Curriculum Developer' I guess I outranked her and so wasn't shy of talking to / with her in official functions. Later we drank together and I said a few random things like that I stress- / binge-eat apples, like 5 apples a night. My friend once did a funny imitation of her that in retrospect sounded a little like my Taiwanese ex-girlfriend's imitation of Kaori Mochida from Every Little Thing; the funny thing I now realize is that he too had lingering affection for her despite everything. I feel he became anti-Korean racist and I don't know where he is now but in retrospect he definitely never crossed a line with her that I know of except for asking questions I would never ask. He called her by her Asian name which was something I never did in those days feeling it pretentious. 'The mysterious maiden of the Moon...' - It's a line from Yi Kwangsu's 'The Soil' in which a married man is comparing his wife with someone else like his former student. In good Korean custom since his former student once had a puppy-crush on him and gave him some corn, when her husband finds out, he kicks her to death in her pregnant stomach and this is why I oppose many things in principle such as tribalism, marriage, and for all intent and purposes the nuclear family. Yi Kwangsu is a problematic figure and as a Christian or aspiring Christian / 'Christianist' I don't recommend it. It has incredibly exquisite descriptions of women that could make you brain-dead. Yi Kwangsu also supposed Japan's occupation of Korea so that to this day talking about Yi Kwangsu can get you crucified. I also seem to recall something like '_ _-ya, you got run over by a train you one-legged prostitute; now you have to love your husband even more.' But I don't remember the context. Ironically or not 'The Soil' is the title of a Knut Hamsun novel the author of which supported Hitler; I do not. I wonder where she is now. This person got shot at a lot and I regret adding to her burdens with my sin-eater-type confessions or just shooting my mouth off when stuff happened. I had a crush on someone else and started saying I was sad I lost my virginity in college; IDK why I said anything. This person also had high alcohol-tolerance - extremely high for a female Asian - and although I could also drink a lot I always did bad self-destructive things. In the Middle Ages one form of 'trial by ordeal' was to reach your hand in to boiling water to pull out a pearl and if the boiled skin healed well you were exonerated or sth. She must be 'somebody's everything; my impossible girl.' IDK why she talked to me and I made fun of her and all my fictionalized versions of her and theories of her were derogations. Like me she played the piano. She once said '_ _ is popular' which was a burn I appreciate since I'm anti-popularity and anti-personality-cults. She went to a school part of which is Victoria College where a literary critic I admire(d) taught for many years. I am stuck in America, hounded by Satan through the personages of my Maoist biological family and 'family tree' of America torn between past and future, un-death and life; due in large part to my excessive tendency to defend myself, to lash out, to wash my hands on the outside without cleaning my 'interior mentality' to paraphrase the 'Da Xue,' or to blaspheme the Spirit in some respects, I feel. I regret talking about her and at the same time why would I talk about lesser maidens? IDK what her favorite piano-piece was as I never endeavored to enage her in discourse about art or aesthetics given she is not a 'kisaeng' or 'geisha' and I am not a museum-curator or whatever. Other people would be like 'Oh! You lke the Grande Valse Brilliante; I know you spent the summer of 2003 teaching yourself repeat-notes.' Everyone wants to drag everyone in to their mud or graves these days. Am reminded of Endo Shusaku's 'Silence' about why Jesuits would apostasize in medieval Japan. His conclusion was that the 'swamp of Japan' was too full of sensualism, the Portuguese Jesuit wanted a Japanese mistress or wife. I once yelled 'swamp f-ggot' at someone due to their tendency to emotionalize and 'contextualize' everything which was an underhanded way of trying to make me change my sex as well. In an effort to mitigate some of the tempting evil pornographic things I said about KR over the years I said a few more but this is a person, whose name means 'Pearl' as in 'the pearl of great price for which oe sold everything else.' It is said that AAPI Twitter, America, house-slave Am-Kor own-goal Korean self-exploitation honor-killing squadsters, etc. want to these people in the trash. I found my Gideon Kor-Eng NT Psalms with the 'victory song' that sounds like Mandarin in its Revelation, that I had worried I'd lost. That might be the 'most grateful' thing that 'happened.' I also remembered what my Mandarin name used to be though I had many in different classes I took. I was going to say many things, but in the end: the mystery of Charity.

I never considered the full implications of socialism or mental socialism till today. I assumed that it was valid mitigation. Some are born rich, some are born poor, it's wrong to let the latter starve on principle alone. I don't even know how to say this. I remember during the Iraq War being struck by how much the government - like my mom - was asking outsiders for advice about how to fight. Dick Cheney got in trouble. Years later I was skeptical of the F-35 because a lot of idiots with no skin in the game wanted to build it here or there. Wisconsin wanted to build the 'Littoral Combat Ship' which who cares. It made people worse and worse. The only thing is, the CCP - who ultimately serve I dare not even say whom, but clearly not the ghosts of Karl Marx or Vladimir Lenin or perhaps even Mao Zedong - figured out awesome killer ways to troll Republicans like Scott Walker w/ their 'FoxConn Fallujah hokey-pokey' whereby they got an avowed capitalist to promise socialists something that actually came from-post-hyper-anti-socialist hyper-capitalists with a plan to kill all white people or something. My father used to talk about the University of Chicago School of Economics all the time and it made me sulkily ask myself why 'Poor Dad' is talking so much about stuff that supposedly makes people billionaires while Jacob's English major dad is Bloomberg's 'chief of staff.' I say again it's just like Biden saying all the right stuff, 'knee on the neck of the American soul, bone of our bone, winter of peril, hey dumbfuck, articulate, they're killing people.' Writing grant-proposals to the government to fund private research in to brain-injury that is itself applied by the government to veterans sent to get brain-damaged by a government that said good things and did retarded things based on their readings of the good things they said a bit like Karenin in 'Anna Karenina.' I remember when George W. Bush said 'I'm the decider.' I once told my dad to get out of my face so he got really sloshed up and vapored, 'I'm in your face!' I'm not even saying that to defame someone but welcome to reality. Every so often every male seems to try to man up then they defend themselves like, 'No that is not the way in which I meant that I was manning up.' You could call this 'self-draft-dodging.' It's ancient history but if I had been wiser I would have tried to predict the future for myself rather than visualize it as an abstract spectatorial notion. At day's end mental socialists can literally not understand why it is wrong to steal. Stealing is compulsory under socialism - I again come back to 'Pearl' since her ex-suitor and I used to reflect on how Korean collectivism drove people into themselves. Similarly mental socialists cannot but hoard 'capabilities' so that in the end they'll falsify anything, steal anything; the only limit I guess is living with themselves.

I keep giving myself to fantasy and coping of all kinds like a 'mental Changrae Lee novel, mental David Guterson novel,' or ultimately Vergil (Virgil). There has to be a new music, a new dream, something, a new city, though it is odd to think about pre-Christian times and a legend of what came before Rome in a Christian moment amid realignment in 'late Roman history.' My favorite YAL book still perhaps is 'The Giver' since it deals with the uses of history, with abortion, and with escape or exile. I was going to say a while back something about 'Light in August' which relates to escape - as well to complacence - and to interracial relationships, pregnancy, the right to live. I was in Minneapolis but mind was on Japan, on all these swords, not the Olympics but histories of swords and strange armor, halberds. There was a huge sword called a 'field sword' in translation. I don't even want to see these people again; I sincerely pray the Japanese Prime Minister, the men and women of their armed forces, Tokyo's apparently amazing counter-terrorism and response capabilities for NBC / WMD / etc. attacks since the Aum Shinrikyo Sarin subway attacks and maybe their counter-nuclear or ability to respond after a nuclear blast will be enough. People in America are trying to live by a little of the old, a little of the new, but it seems utterly impossible. When people abuse me I get really dreamy. I read Virgil in high school; I was thinking of 'post-Covid YAL' or so in which people are just on the run, harrowing themselves, not even nostalgic for Babylon or anything in it. It is almost like 'the meaning of the soul.' I realized that in addition to new churches and new government laws Covid will engender new birth-defects and there will have to be new medicine. Japan is a country that I said bad things about especially when in Korea but she never did anything bad to me - I remember playing 'Final Fantasy' and thinking someone out there loves me; they made an investment in children worldwide. The only thing is I'm too old for such adventures and I fall apart quickly. All these birds in Japan, colors of red - people get obsessed with the Otherness of Japan and want to abnegate Belial-like (a demon or fallen angel of sensualism, to my understanding).

I took so many notes and voice-notes yesterday that I devoutly hope my visions will pass to someone. The future is going to be so beautiful for somebody but I have lost so much faith in my ability to mitigate or restrain evil. Those who I had thought were simply stupid but were diabolically opposed to my existence - whom I did not wish to understand and whom I had 'fancied' I could placate or appease through offerings - turned out to be radically evil, unconditionally evil. I feel that my father (biological) would steal my soul if he could; would eat it in a way. My mom is always sitting on the porch and gives a look of hope like I could change her mind but it'll never happen. I want to kill myself; I think things worldwide will get worse before they get better; I don't trust Biden or anyone who says the right things without showing exactly what they are doing. Christians seem so petty sometimes like melanin, hairy legs, in Japan this therefore that, Native American Indian manhood rituals. I just want to know which pastor has the 'batting average' I can believe in but it has to be John MacArthur doesn't it?

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inawickedlittletown · 8 years ago

Text

Whatever It Takes (1/?)

Summary: It isn’t easy being Spider-Man, but having Tony Stark in his corner makes it that much easier. Or, Tony didn’t know he could be parental or care that much and Peter really needs a father figure.

On AO3

Part One

The worst part about the whole ordeal was that Mr. Stark didn’t even offer him a ride. Peter had to only assume that it was part of the punishment. No, it definitely had to have been a part of the punishment especially since Mr. Stark had picked out Hello Kitty pajamas for him and what could have only been the lamest NYC tourist t-shirt in size XL. At least he was in NYC and no one really cared what he was wearing as he made his way home. Peter was too upset about letting down Mr. Stark and getting everything wrong to care about any stares he might have gotten on the subway at any rate. He had just – he had messed up so badly when all he wanted was to prove himself and show Mr. Stark, and Happy for that matter, that he could handle being a Superhero. Of course it had blown up on him. He should have known that despite everything Mr. Stark wouldn’t ignore any information that Peter brought his way.

Then, when he finally made it home there was Aunt May to deal with. She worried, Peter knew, but her anger justified as it was, had faded the moment she realized that Peter needed a shoulder to lean on and not to be questioned about his whereabouts and why he’d lacked the responsibility to get in touch with her. Peter hadn’t been sure if it felt worse to disappoint Aunt May or Mr. Stark. They both felt about the same.

“And why are you wearing Hello Kitty pajamas again?” May asked when Peter had calmed down enough from the ordeal that had been his day.

“My clothes got ruined,” Peter said, “this is what Mr. Stark got me to wear home.”

He could tell that she had more questions. Peter would have had more questions. Instead, because she was May, all she had to say on the matter was: “Okay. I guess I like this idol of yours just a little bit more even if you lost the internship.”

“So now you like him,” Peter said.

“He was growing on me,” May said and moved into the kitchen to prepare dinner.

Peter shook his head. “No, he wasn’t,” he said.

“No,” she admitted, “but I liked how good this internship was for you even if you were too busy than you should be at your age.”

His stomach churned with the lie and he wanted to tell her and spill everything but he knew that it would change things between them to an extent. May would be upset and scared and she might wrap him up in bubble wrap and a blanket and never let him out of her sight. Peter’s parents had died when he was so young that May was really the only mother figure he’d ever had and she was a mom in every sense of the word down to how much she loved him and Peter just knew that things wouldn’t ever be the same when she found out that he was Spider-Man.

Peter hated how comfortable the Hello Kitty pajamas were. He didn’t even bother changing out of them due to their comfort but he ditched the t-shirt for one that actually fit and was less touristy. He tried not to think about the ferry and the winged guy or even Mr. Stark, but it was hard. Peter had just messed up so badly and he was lucky that everyone had gotten out of it alive.

He was just about to rejoin May in the kitchen when his laptop made a sound. He lifted the lid and found a Skype call. He answered it out of sheer curiosity. Mr. Stark stared back at him.

“You made it home alive,” he said, “good.”

“Um, Mr. Stark?” Peter asked and then paused – “Why are you Skyping me?”

Mr. Stark looked unkempt. Peter couldn’t really tell where he was, but his hair was askew and his face seemed to be smudged with something black.

“I – well – I wanted to be sure you made it home and that you weren’t stolen by a tourist family,” Mr. Stark said, somewhat awkwardly.

“Oh,” Peter said, “well I did. Make it home, that is. I – I really am sorry, Mr. Stark, I didn’t think I was in over my head and I didn’t think you – well, I wasn’t sure if you heard me about the weapons and everything because Happy really doesn’t seem to listen when I call. I mean, he rarely answers me back and today was a disaster and I’m just really sorry.”

Mr. Stark didn’t say anything for a while and then he sighed. “Happy will pick you up from school tomorrow.”

It seemed to be the end of their talk. Peter nodded. “Okay,” he said, “sure.”

“And, Peter,” Tony said, “you are better than me, already, kid. You are so much better than I ever was at your age but you’re fifteen and I don’t want—” He coughed “—I don’t want you to end up like me.”

He hung up before Peter could respond. So Peter just said it to himself and his empty room. “But you’re amazing, Mr. Stark. You’re better than anyone I know.”

Tony slumped against the work table in his workshop. He dropped his phone on the surface of the table and sighed. Tony was still upset. He was angry and frustrated and mostly just worried that he had made a mistake when recruiting Spider-Man. He was just a kid. Tony had to remind himself that it wouldn’t have stopped Peter from continuing to be Spider-Man and that taking away his suit now probably wouldn’t stop him either.

Peter’s suit was out on the table in front of him and Tony hadn’t been able to help himself from poking around the suit and improving on some of the features and fixing others. He replaced the tracker and added two extras just in case. Then, he went through the surveillance. A combination of Friday and the AI in the suit, filtered everything Tony wanted to see. Some of it he had viewed in the past when checking up on the kid, but not any of the recent stuff.

Watching how things got out of hand with the ferry made Tony cringe. They were lucky that Tony had realized what was happening and that he was near a suit and capable of getting there in time. Tony was also glad that he had gone there himself instead of just sending one of the suits because he could still remember the look on Peter’s face when he wasn’t in the suit the last time. That just couldn’t have been helped, though, Tony had been out of the country. There were just so many things falling on his shoulders and no one else to really deal with all the fall out.

Of course, then Tony had had to tell him off. Tony had been so angry and scared not just because it was all on him, but because he could have lost Peter. He could have lost Peter to overwhelming guilt or just straight up lost him entirely and Tony didn’t think he could handle that. Peter was just so young and so absolutely smart and full of potential and Tony cared about him.

“Did I do the right thing?” Tony asked out loud.

“About what, sir?” Friday asked.

“Peter. Taking away his suit. If he’s just going to go back out there then what difference does it make if he doesn’t have my tech? Maybe – maybe it will mean he can’t survive something when he gets in over his head and he’ll be hard to keep track of and—”

“Parenting, it seems, is very difficult,” Friday responded.

Tony groaned. When had he become a parent? Still, Friday was right. It was hard and Tony had never expected to need to deal with it and yet despite knowing this kid for a very short period of time, he had crawled into the list of people that Tony cared about and settled himself there permanently. Tony had the whole night to think about the suit and if he was going to give it back. He had until he saw Peter again. First, he needed a drink, and it was only going to be one.

Flash saw him getting into the Rolls Royce that Happy drove and Peter saw him stop to stare for a while before beginning to motion to one of his friends to the car. Peter rolled his eyes. He knew he would hear all about it the next day.

“Hey, kid,” Happy said.

“Hi, Happy,” Peter said and dropped his backpack on the seat next to him.

“How was school?”

Peter shrugged. “Same as it always is,” he said and stared out the window as they drove away.

Peter felt awkward – not that he didn’t feel awkward most of the time – but he felt somehow worse after everything that had gone down the day before. Happy probably knew all about it.

The drive at least wasn’t too long and when they got to Avengers tower, Happy took the car into the underground parking which was surprisingly devoid of any other cars.

“Just take the elevator up,” Happy said, “I have other things to take care of but Friday will show you the way.”

Peter had never been to Avengers tower even though of course he knew exactly where the building was. He walked hesitantly to where Happy pointed and the elevator doors opened for him at once. Behind him he heard Happy leave and he stepped inside.

“Hello, Mr. Parker,” a voice that sounded a bit like Karen’s, said. It had to belong to Friday.

“Hi,” Peter said.

“Mr. Stark is waiting for you in the workshop,” Friday said and then the elevator began to move.

It didn’t take long to get to the workshop and when Peter exited the elevator he found himself in a small hall. At one end there were stairs, but across from the elevator was glass walls that showed into what must have been the workshop. Tony Stark was inside turned away from Peter and leaning to look at something.

“Would you like me to inform Mr. Stark that you are here?” Friday asked, startling Peter.

“Oh, um, sure,” Peter said.

A moment later Mr. Stark looked up and he walked over to open the glass door that Peter hadn’t seen.

“Peter,” Mr. Stark said, “nice to see you in normal clothes for once.”

Peter looked down at what he was wearing. Jeans and a plain t-shirt. He glanced back up at Mr. Stark but he was motioning for him to walk into the workshop.

Seeing it from outside the glass had been one thing, but when he walked inside, Peter was in awe. The room was everything that anyone with even a little penchant for science and engineering would dream about and of course Tony Stark had all the latest technologies and basically anything else that he might need.

Then something beeped at him and an actual robot had rolled over to him and Peter could only stare.

“Peter, meet Dum-E.”

Peter reached out and Dum-E bumped his claw into his hand gently, almost like a fist bump. He beeped again multiple times and Mr. Stark actually laughed.

“Well, he likes you,” Mr. Stark said and walked closer. Dum-E beeped again. “That doesn’t mean that you were being useful before.”

His next beep was a bit sadder.

Mr. Stark pat the robot and it rolled away to join another.

“Dum-E was my first attempt at a learning artificial intelligence,” Tony admitted, “but in the end he’s just an almost helpful extra arm but he was my basis for Jarvis and then Friday and Jocasta and even the AI I put into your suit.”

“Karen,” Peter said.

“Who?”

“That’s what I called the AI in my suit,” Peter said and looked away from Mr. Stark to keep some composure.

He distracted himself with the rest of the workshop. In a corner of the room, Peter even spotted stuff that belonged to the other Avengers including what appeared to be Captain America’s actual shield. Peter considered for a moment walking over to look at it closer but it seemed to him that Mr. Stark had put those things as far away from everything else for a reason.

Either way, Peter was distracted when he saw his own Spider-Man suit on the table that Tony had been bent over earlier.

“I’ve been repairing it,” Mr. Stark said when he saw him looking.

“It wasn’t damaged,” Peter said.

“Not yet,” Mr. Stark said and motioned for Peter to join him, “but it does need good maintenance and you removed the tracker.”

Peter sighed. “I had to. I was following up on a lead and it was the only way I could go.”

“Or,” Mr. Stark said, “you could have told Happy and we would have done something about it.”

Peter dropped his head. Being stuck in the DODC for as long as he had could have probably been prevented if he did, Peter realized, not to mention that Happy had been passing along his messages to Mr. Stark. Then, he could have even made the decathlon and not disappointed everyone. Maybe the whole elevator fiasco could have gone differently too. It was hard to say.

Mr. Stark sat down on a stool and he motioned for Peter to grab another one. “I think,” he said, “that I was just a little bit too harsh on you yesterday. Peter, what you do and the way you care is amazing and that isn’t all just this suit. It’s you. I just have made a lot of mistakes and so has everyone else and I don’t want you to look back a few years from now with regret for all the wrong steps you take or to have guilt piled on your shoulders because no matter how hard you tried something went wrong and someone died. If I can prevent that, kid, I will, even if it means that I tell you to stay away from something that is clearly over your head. I just, I need you to keep me in the loop.”

Peter couldn’t find words. He just didn’t know that Mr. Stark cared that much. He tried to look at him, but his vision was blurry and it took him a moment to realize that he had tears in his eyes. Dum-E nudged him and Peter blinked. The bot had brought him a rag. It was dirty and covered in grease but Peter felt touched.

“Thank you,” he murmured. The bot beeped.

Mr. Stark coughed awkwardly next to him and then stood up. “Anyway,” Mr. Stark said, “I’m willing to give you the suit back, Karen included, but training wheel protocol is back on and I get daily updates from you and Karen both. Also, I’ve replaced your tracker and if it ever goes off line again I will take the suit and destroy it.”

Peter couldn’t believe it. “Are you sure, Mr. Stark?” he asked. “Because you don’t have to. I know I messed up. I know that I disappointed you and that I messed up with the ferry and I probably bother Happy too much but—”

“I realized that to you it won’t matter if you have the high tech suit or those red and blue sweats with the goggles because you’ll go out there. I can’t stop you and neither can your aunt so I’d rather keep you safe.”

“Oh,” Peter said.

Mr. Stark dropped a hand to Peter’s shoulder and he looked up.

“Come on, you’re already here, so you might as well help me out with some of these upgrades.”

Tony felt at peace with it when he finally went to bed that night. Peter had his suit back and Tony had Friday monitoring his every move when in the suit. At one point in the night he had even considered figuring out how to put a tracker on Peter himself for when he wasn’t in the suit but decided it would be just a tad too invasive.

Tony felt all that more comfortable with Peter out in the suit. He thought that maybe things hadn’t ended in the best possible way when he and Happy dropped him off at home after Germany but then Tony hadn’t been in the right state of mind. It was so soon after Siberia and finding out that Steve had been keeping things from him and there had been just so many things that needed looking into that Tony probably hadn’t really put his all into watching out for the kid. He’d put Happy in charge of it and forgotten that Happy wasn’t exactly versed in dealing with the superhero kind on the daily basis and that Happy had a lot of other things on his plate that he would deem far more important. He should have handed the reigns over to Vision or Rhodey instead but Vision was acting odd and not exactly human and Rhodey had his legs and recovery to worry about. Tony had refused to put any more burdens on either of them and because of The Accords there was no one else.

He slept better knowing that he and Peter finally had a talk of sorts and that Peter seemed to truly understand why Tony had been so upset with him. He was happy with the decision and he went to bed and tried not to think about all the other problems that he needed to deal with.

The next morning Tony was in meetings all day. Some of them were SI related and others Avengers related. It was a long day and by the end of it, Tony wanted nothing more than to just hide out in his workshop and tinker on the new suit.

He shouldn’t have been surprised when Peter showed up in the middle of it. He gave off nervous energy and seemed to move without knowing he was moving.

“Friday, what happened?” Tony asked.

“Nothing that I am aware of, sir,” Friday said, “I don’t believe this is related to Spider-Man at all.”

Tony tried to stare Peter down. “Tell me what happened, kid.”

“I – I have – Liz Toomes is going to homecoming with me,” Peter said and looked incredulous.

Tony couldn’t help but laugh. Girl trouble, of course.

“I just – I asked her and she said yes and I didn’t think she would. She’s a senior, you know, and she’s just cool and doesn’t hate me even though I’ve been flaking left and right but then she agreed to go with me and I have no idea what to do.”

He kept running his fingers through his hair and moving spastically as if he were a kid on a sugar high.

“Am I supposed to be your new tailor or something, kid?” Tony asked, trying to break the tension.

Peter stopped moving and he shook his head frantically. “No, no, not at all, Mr. Stark. I just didn’t know what to do and Aunt May can probably help me out but this is just so crazy and I can’t believe it’s happening, you know.”

Tony grabbed him by the shoulders before he started pacing again. “Kid…Peter, calm down. It was a joke.”

“Oh,” Peter said.

Tony didn’t know how he had ended up becoming the person that Peter went to when he had an issue that didn’t revolve around Spider-Man, but he found somehow that he appreciated being thought of as someone that could actually help.

“Now, all I can really tell you is to be yourself and that you should practice dancing because you don’t want to step on her feet. If she said yes then she likes you, Peter, so you just have to have fun and let yourself relax. Okay?”

Peter nodded but Tony could tell that his mind was running through scenarios and who knows what else.

“And we’ll see about clothes,” Tony added, “a different kind of suit might give you the confidence to not freak out that night.”

Peter blushed a little. “You don’t have to, Mr. Stark,” he said, “I’m sure Aunt May and I can find something for me to wear.”

“You came here, kid, this is how I operate. Friday, could you get Spiderling’s measurements to my tailor.”

In the end, it didn’t matter that Mr. Stark returned the suit to him. It became useless when Peter left it home the night of homecoming. Mr. Stark had given him the idea, telling him that it was his night off to relax and have fun. He kept stressing that he would personally still be in NYC and so Peter had nothing to worry about.

Of course, when Peter got dropped off at Liz’ house in the suit that Mr. Stark had personally delivered earlier in the night, he didn’t expect to come face to face with the winged man with all the alien tech. Liz’ father was the bad guy and Peter was so shaken by it that he couldn’t even manage to send Mr. Stark a text and then when he did think of doing it, they were in the car and Mr. Toomes seemed to be watching his every move even as he drove them to the dance.

During their talk, where Toomes figured out who Peter was and warned him off, Peter even had to leave his phone behind in the car for a way to track Toomes so he couldn’t exactly get in touch with Mr. Stark or Happy that way and he knew that even though he’d promised to stay out of trouble that it had found him and Peter couldn’t just let something happen when he could stop it.

He hated telling Liz that he had to go and felt even worse because it was her dad that he’d be going after.

Peter had his old suit stashed under some lockers so for lack of anything else he fetched that and Ned really became his guy in the chair. Peter set him on getting in contact with Happy even though he knew it’d be a long shot when it was Ned on the phone and not Peter, but Peter needed to go after Toomes. He couldn’t let him get away.

Then, he was stuck under a building. Then, he was on the outside of a plane. Then, the plane crashed. Then, Peter saved Toomes and limping and bleeding he collected everything from the remains of the crash and webbed Toomes to it and left a note. He hung around long enough to see Happy get there and then he swung his way home and tried not to think about all his injuries or what Mr. Stark’s reaction might be to it all.

Moving day had meant that Tony was packing the bots to be driven over to Avengers Compound. It was a necessity of Tony being needed at the compound more than before and Tony just not feeling that great about the tower and all the memories that it held. When he was living there on his own things had been different because the Avengers were just a drive away and Tony didn’t mind that they weren’t there anymore. Ever since The Accords and that mess Tony had felt their lack of presence everywhere he looked so instead he set about renovating the compound and deciding that he might as well move in too and bring all his things along which also meant all of their things and the Shield things and the alien things.

Still, Tony had felt confident that despite how busy he was that Peter would get to enjoy the night without being bothered. He had taken a break to drop of the kid’s homecoming suit earlier and stuck around to see him put it on while May got teary eyed and took pictures of everything.

Tony had been only a little surprised when Peter turned to him with his tie.

“We – um – we tried to figure it out but the small part always ends up being longer. Could you…I mean you wear ties all the time so—”

Tony had felt somehow honored that Peter was asking him even though of course he was aware that there literally was no one else for him to ask except his aunt who was watching them from the kitchen with a strange almost melancholy look.

Tony had tied his tie for him and fixed it until it was just right and if he felt a pang of pride watching Peter turn around to look at himself in the mirror he tried not to show it.

When May went to the bathroom, Tony told Peter to leave the Spider-Man suit behind.

“You’re wearing a different type of suit tonight, kid,” he told him, “and I’m around to make sure things go alright tonight so it’s not on you. This night is for you. You get to be a kid and enjoy homecoming with a girl you like and your friends. That’s what you do tonight.”

So, Tony had Friday keeping a watch for anything strange and crime related and had a suit on hand. Somehow, it wasn’t until Friday mentioned a building collapse that Tony began to suspect that something was awry.

He had gone to check it out but it was all rubble. The few walls left standing gave him nothing, but a few of the remaining things told him that this had been the place where Peter’s bad guy was operating from.

Tony spent some time looking through what he could until Happy sent him a message that the plane was on its way. Nothing had gone wrong, then. Happy was personally seeing to the plane’s tracker and then sending out the more important stuff in the car that Vision was driving to the compound.

Friday didn’t alert him to any more activity and Tony decided that the flying guy had probably destroyed the place on purpose. He made sure Friday alerted DODC to check the place out and then walked back outside.

He went back to the tower to finish packing up the last of his workshop as well as the lab in the floor underneath his that had gone untouched since Bruce’s disappearance.

Friday didn’t alert him to anything being wrong for another fifteen minutes when Happy called and she was already showing him that the plane had gone down at Coney Island.

“Shit,” Tony said.

“I think the kid’s there,” Happy said, “I think his friend called for him and was trying to tell me about something going on with the plane.”

Friday brought up his tracker immediately but the suit was offline and there was nothing to track. It gave Tony only the slightest bit of hope that Peter was still at the dance and that this was an entirely unrelated situation.

“The DODC is headed there,” Happy informed him. “I will go myself and make sure everything is accounted for and brought back here or to the compound.”

Tony nodded. There wasn’t much more for Iron Man to do and showing up just to check for Peter felt like it would put more of a spotlight on something that didn’t need it. The plane’s destruction would be given an excuse but if he showed up then it would destroy any of that. The public needed to have the right perception of superheroes at the moment due to all the business with The Accords. The negotiations for amendments were going well but anything could change that.

Still, Tony couldn’t stay behind. He couldn’t be still. He got back in the suit and flew to Peter’s apartment. He didn’t go to the front door because he didn’t want to alert May to anything being wrong. It felt entirely different from hours earlier when he’d been there and walked in through the front door. This time Tony found Peter’s window.

It was a crack open and Tony didn’t have a hard time getting it fully open and sneaking inside.

Peter wasn’t there. Tony reminded himself that Peter could still be at the dance, that he could be awkwardly trying to talk to his date and making a fool out of himself. It was a low chance that’s what was happening, but Tony decided to wait anyway. He got out of the armor and let Friday take it out of the apartment.

It didn’t take long for Peter to climb in through the window just like Tony had. He was in the old suit and he almost fell as soon as he was inside. He let out a low groan and Tony rushed to his side to support him. Peter jumped.

“Mr. Stark,” he said, “what are you doing here?”

Tony took him to the bed and laid him down on the bottom bunk.

“I’m checking up on you,” Tony said and tried not to upset any injuries as he helped Peter remove his mostly tattered and scorched makeshift suit – the one that he’d been using before Tony’s upgrade. “Why are you wearing these rags?”

“Left the other one here,” Peter said, “I had no time.”

Tony threw the rags away. Peter had cuts and bruises everywhere. His entire torso looked a mixture of blue, purple, green, and red.

“You had your phone, didn’t you? Couldn’t call me or Happy?”

Peter groaned and Tony anxiously checked him over. There wasn’t anything that Peter’s metabolism and quick healing couldn’t handle and yet Tony wanted to make sure that Peter never suffered more than even a paper cut.

Peter tried to get up but Tony pushed him back into the bed. “What do you need?” he asked.

“I wanted my pajamas,” Peter said and pointed in the direction of his closet.

Tony was surprised to find the Hello Kitty pants in there and he grabbed them mostly because he wanted to make the moment lighter but Peter just grabbed for them and Tony watched him put them on before passing him a t-shirt.

“They’re actually really comfortable,” Peter said.

Tony shook his head. “What happened tonight?”

Peter covered his face with his hands while Tony grabbed Peter’s computer chair and sat down, rolling himself over to the bed.

“So my date’s dad turned out to be the guy with the mechanical wings,” Peter said, “I went to her house and he opened the door and I should have just texted you or, I don’t know, done something. Anyway, he figured out I’m Spider-Man on the drive to the dance and then he sort of warned me off and told me to let him go but I couldn’t, okay. But his wife said he was going out of town so I knew there wasn’t going to be a better time to catch him and then I figured out that he was going to steal the stuff from the plane. Anyway, I left my phone in his car and I couldn’t get back here to get the suit or anything before he got away. Ned was tracking him and I borrowed Flash’s parent’s car and then Ned was supposed to call Happy but I think he was busy and we ended up crashing the plane but I saved Mr. Toomes and I left him there for the authorities to pick up.”

By the end of it Peter was shaking. He had gotten pale too and Tony couldn’t help but reach out and grab his hand. Tony had never been a hand holder but then Peter brought something out in Tony that just couldn’t be explained and Peter relaxed and Tony just held his hand.

“You did good, Peter,” Tony said.

“I did?”

Tony smiled. “Yes. No death or great destruction and you handled yourself without all of my tech even if I wish you’d been wearing the suit. You did great. I don’t want you going after bad guys like this on your own again, but given the circumstances you did good.”

Watching him yawn as all of the adrenaline faded, Tony wondered if maybe Peter did deserve to be considered an Avenger. He was still very young but Tony knew that he needed to have Peter closer. He needed to be trained better and to stop ending up all on his own in dire situations. Tony didn’t necessarily think that adding him to a group that consisted of himself and Vision at the moment was the answer, but it might cool Peter’s need to prove himself and if nothing else it would keep Peter closer to where Tony could watch and protect him. On an added note, Peter was good PR. People loved Spider-Man. His addition to the team would be a boost as real conversations on changing The Accords continued.

“Mr. Stark,” Peter said. His voice was full of sleep.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for looking out for me.”

Part Two

#fanfic #emquin fic #tony stark #peter parker #mcu fic

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alcyone2305 · 8 years ago

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Insomnia

“An isolated nation protected by an ancient line of Kings. A modern civilization alive with crystal's songs of swords and sorcery. The city is a sprawling metropolis, inspired by modern-day cities like Tokyo and New York, and as such, is populated by skyscrapers and highways.”

First of all thank you to @the-galahdian-warrior for helping me out on the search for additional information. While I focused on what we get to see of Insomnia in Kingsglaive, they gathered a whole bunch of links with information. I guess I’ll try to pile everything together.

This is what we get to see in game of FFXV (at least on the map).

So on the in game map, the Citadel is barely missing. But I think we still underestimate the incredible size of the city. In the picture above, we can see one of the check points/gates in the lower right corner. On the map, that’s the entrance to the city beneath the word INSOMNIA. Considering the Kingsglaive return from one of their mission without passing lakes or the sea, they most likely entered the city this way, executed their mission either on the bit of land right next to the wall OR they entered the city from the West. (Now that I think about it, I believe they had their mission at the Western wall. Just looking at the map we can see huge, huge wastelands and I wouldn’t be surprised if the city devastated by the Niffs was located there.) Maybe a small fact to back up my assumption: It’s clear the gate is located at the corner of the wall which fits to the West wall on the in game map.

Hint hint, spoiler alert: I’ll also try to get every screenshot with one of the statues of the city. After I went through the movie and screenshoted the heck out of it, I was rather surprised how often we had a King’s statue in the picture. When I saw this picture, I immediately thought of New York.

At first, we’ll focus on what I call “the upper level” of the city. It’s what makes us feel amazed and impressed. Clean streets, amazing buildings and architecture, expensive shops.. Everything you get to see up there is just breathtaking and underlines the nickname of Insomnia being the jewel. The beautiful side of Insomnia.

The blue sign above the convoy of trucks reads “Citadel West Wall / Citadel”. Something that already caught my attention is how all the signs are always about “Walls” and the “Citadel” which already underlines the importance of those two objects. I wouldn’t be surprised if people communicated this way as well. “Where do you live?” - “Oh, in the xth district of xyz.” - “Where is that?” - “About 600 meters away from the Southern Wall.” I hope you get what I mean.

The red sign on the left side reminds me of the Underground signs in London so maybe the subway is down there? But the short scene following that, we also catch a glimpse of the not-so lovely side of Insomnia: As the Kingsglaive is still a bit away from the center of the city (where all the expensive and fine looking things are), they pass some drunk people sitting on what I assume to be cupboards, flailing and wobbling around.

We pass another statue! The first pic is slightly blurry, but this one is holding the trident. The red sign in the second picture actually reads “Spira” followed by Chinese signs. To quote the Final Fantasy Wiki: “Many of the businesses in Insomnia have names that allude to previous Final Fantasy games.” Hello, FFX! The flags read “Signing Ceremony 16th V 756″ and can be found almost everywhere once the signing ceremony comes around the corner.

Before we focus further on the main part of the city, let’s travel far away from the center and take a closer look at the check points.

This is what it looks like inside of them. I thought of them as just a gate to pass through, nothing more than we get to see in the movie. But it seems to have two parts? One outside which Nyx is guarding, another one inside as seen in the concept art. Now that’s what I call safety. And we finally get a feeling of how freakin’ tall the Citadel actually is. It’s towering over any other building even though we’re at the very border of the city. Dat shit is massive.

Let’s head over to another eyecatcher, the Onyx Monument.

This is the area right beneath the monument. The middle sign reads “Royal Museum of Lucis”. I assume this is the attraction which is referred to on some advertisement boards.

If someone knows something about the Onyx Monument, please tell me since I really want to know why it was built. It’s such an eyecatcher. So what kind of advertisements can we see? I’ll try to go from left to right but only few can actually be identified. BG&WD (no clue what this is about, maybe jewelry or cosmetics?) Beats (of course) Wataluxe – Lucis Wag (?) Center (Wag must be wrong. Help me out? Anyone?) Lucis Bank (Money, money, money..) Indicum Hotel Insomnia Centuluxe Audi Lucis Crystal (Jewelry?) Labyrinth

I’m struggling with the rest.

It’s scenes like this one which make me just love Insomnia when it comes to structure. Different levels and most of the streets are on the lower levels. We’re also informed some Lucian railways are suspended. Maybe it’s the same ones we can’t pass in the beginning of the FFXV game.

Japan Airlines Stone Solid – Outdoor & Camping Gear AUDI – Vorsprung durch Technik Lucis Bank UNIQLO Lucichrome CAELUM VIA Hotel&Resorts INSOMNIA (where Iedolas and Regis meet up)

We’ve already passed another Beats advertisement. The sign above Nyx’s left arm reminds me of a mixture of Chinese and Korean? The black sign above Nyx reads Ashtart. I also just noticed the building on the left seems to be all about interior, art gallery and similar stuff. Maybe it’s like a culture shopping mall?

The first time I saw the scene, I didn’t even notice the statue! We can see something like a highway going towards the statue but it’s actually in a tunnel. So maybe if you follow the road, you’ll drive right beneath it? Final Fantasy Wiki: “The green man symbols on pedestrian crossings in the city are a silhouette of a cactuar.” If you watch the night scene, you can see the outlines of the cactuar beneath the red light!

Wroom, wroom! Let’s follow the track Drautos and Nyx are taking to pick up the Princess! This is the moment I went silent for a second and thought “This city is more massive than I thought.”

The blue sign of the second picture reads: “Citadel North Wall / Citadel West Wall / Citadel East Wall”. The PASSIFLORA sign can be seen later on when we inspect the lower levels of the city.

Wherever this shot is taking place, this is the same area where the Indicum Hotel is located. It’s the blue sign at the very top of the picture. Okay, maybe there is more than one Indicum Hotel. But this is where one of them is at least. As we can hear Drautos accelerating, we know we’re leaving the crowded areas of the city and now are taking a highway.

“Citadel South Wall 6km” – “West Gate 4km” – “Exit” The Asian letters/words/Kanji signs most likely just say the same.

LOOK AT THAT MASSIVE CITY, HOLY DAMN. They didn’t even the ground when they built the city. Instead, they just let it be and built the buildings on top. Impressive. Though this causes highways and long tracks to be a necessity. Lower right corner: Another statue. Most likely the one Nyx and Luna pass when they are attacked by the Niflheim ship.

“(…) these stones divine, for the night (…)” – “(…) in the light of the Gods (…)” Sadly we don’t get to read more.

You have no idea how hyped I was when I saw those statues! They moved!! They’re alive!!! H Y P E! I wouldn’t say the spirits of the Kings live in those statues. Instead, it’s one way for the Kings to reach out to our world. There’s the ring being used to communicate and the statues are a different way for them to interact with us. And once shit hits the fan, they break out of those stone shells to take over.

Last picture of the upper levels, the beautiful side. Nothing too special but I found it bitter when I saw the red sign in the right upper corner: “All we can do is laugh” And maybe I was right that BG&WD is selling cosmetics. Are those lipsticks in the lower left corner?

Let’s go down, shall we? Welcome in the melting pot, where all the poor people and immigrants live. It may sound cruel but I love how the dynamic changes. It’s more crowded and more lively, it’s really a place where friends would meet up to enjoy the little things in life.

“Citadel 5km / Citadel Main Gate 2km” Holy damn, I was already aware of the Citadel being heavily guarded but having the gates about 3km away from the center? Let’s be honest: The lower you get, the more horrendous it becomes. At least when it comes to the appearance. The walls are dirty, trash bags are just thrown down. It’s not really a nice place to live in. It really pales in comparison to the shining side of the capital.

Notice how many languages we can see. Thai (I think), Japanese, English.. It’s really a place for all nationalities to live in.

PASSIEFLORA INCARNARA FOOD & TAVERN

The black sign with white writing on it reads “Luchi Bassu”, so Luci Bass. Maybe that’s a jazz bar or something similar?

Those scenes show us how run-down and shabby this area is. There is construction work going on though I doubt it will be down anytime soon. The living areas are small and tight, as seen with Nyx’s “apartment”.

SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS!! Seven Soldiers Shot Bar on the right, though there’s nothing else on there. Some signs again, but except for the book store sign on the left.

Okay, I’ll give up now when it comes to the advertisements to be honest. Look at this link: Here. It may be in Japanese but I assume it lists all the boards we can see.

#bigger than i expected it to be #but satisfied #kingsglaive #kingsglaive final fantasy #final fantasy kingsglaive #final fantasy #final fantasy xv #final fantasy 15 #ff #ffxv #ff xv #ff15 #ff 15 #kudos to you if you read through the entire thing #holy macaroni

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63824peace · 5 years ago

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Monday, 28th of november 2005

The Japanese space probe Hayabusa has done it!

It finally landed on the asteroid Itokawa, three hundred million kilometers away! It has successfully retrieved deposit samples too.

Japan has used robotic technology to prove its excellence with asteroid probes, even though we have lagged behind the rest of the world's space development. The world's first ion engine has defied expectations and proven itself operable. Hayabusa has successfully answered our hopes, and Japanese space development has taken a huge leap forward.

The Japanese Aerospace Exploration Agency (JAXA) should now take pride in its work. It stared down the excessive criticism lobbed at it. It must have given dreams to nourish the gumption of students and scientists for a long time. I hope that this success inspires them to catch up on their work.

The father of Japanese rocket engineering, Professor Hideo Itokawa, gave his name to the asteroid Itokawa. Both the asteroid and the probe bear Japanese names, which highlights how thoroughly Japan's strengths define this project - its people, wisdom, intellect, and resources.

Hayabusa will depart for Earth from Itokawa in December. Apparently it can't travel straight home. It must deviate from a straight trajectory and travel an extra billion kilometers in order to return. We expect it home next June.

I feel as though I can almost identify with Hayabusa. Hayabusa seems less like a machine engineered for space, and more like a solitary traveling hero whose extraterrestrial sojourn elicits deep pathos. I absolutely want him to return safely - I wish him a safe trip.

We can read about Hayabusa's latest news on JAXA's website. They show how he has fared today as well as his position relative to Itokawa. I can't really believe that he's hundreds of millions of kilometers away when I look at the web site.

I've bookmarked the site, and I check it every day. I'm glad that we can use the internet this way.

I bought the Limited Edition of HIM's latest album, Dark Light. I had listened exclusively to HIM during October and November, especially the hits album And Love Said No. I think I listened to them every day.

I already have the imported version of Dark Light, but the Limited Edition's B5 standardized publishing format caught my eye. I was standing in front of the cashier before I knew it.

I tore into the Limited Edition's shrink-wrap immediately. It's a superb deluxe package. I made a good decision when I bought it.

It features a full-color, twenty-four page hardcover booklet that contains lyrics handwritten by vocalist Ville Valo. It also includes a bonus track (The Cage) that hasn't come on either the Japanese or the imported versions. They packaged a flyer inside with a secret code for HIM's website. We can apparently download cell phone ringtones for Wings of a Butterfly, Killing Loneliness, Under the Rose, Vampire Heart, and Dark Light.

The ringtones might only work on Nokia phones though. HIM is Finnish after all. I suppose my cell phone won't work then.

I have a weakness for limited editions, box sets, and limited first-release versions. I relish the bonuses and extras packaged with special copies. I likewise prefer limited edition DVDs.

Movies, music, and games all run off digitally reproduced copies. We can mass-produce them without compromising the content's playback quality. Yet limited editions give the impression that they have been handcrafted because publishers release so few of them.

I must be old-fashioned. I feel greater respect for the contents of a given work according to the physical artifact's material value.

I intend to do the same for Subsistence's first release. Only first-time limited editions will carry all three discs. The normal version will carry only two discs. The third disc (Existence) holds about three and a half hours of footage, and its name really reflects the idea behind a limited edition. Subsequent packages won't have the disc, so it really only exists within the limited edition.

You can make a first-run limited edition simply by adding material value to the physical artifact. It won't matter if the digital content can be reproduced flawlessly.

I ate kakesoba and butadonburi-kuro for lunch at Kurosawa. On my way back to the office I detoured down Keyaki-zaka Street and passed in front of the Hills Arena. They had an unusually heavy amount of security, perhaps in preparation for an event.

I wonder who will come today.

I considered this in light of recently released movies. I remembered having heard about a promotional event for the movie Mr. & Mrs. Smith, and I realized that it might happen today. Did that mean that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie would come here? Was everyone rolling out the red carpet for Brangelina?

They've already erected a number of barricades, and they haven't even finished yet. That's unusual for this time of day. The guard plates have formed a labyrinth inside and out. I suppose they set it up to separate the excited crowd, disrupting the chaos of their collective energy.

The sight reminded me of breakwater dams that restrain the force of the sea. I saw that the Hills Arena guards had prepared as though executing a war strategy.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith had a huge delay between its Japanese and American debuts. It will finally run in Japan's theaters starting December 3. I always look forward to watching that kind of movie around the year's end.

Doug Liman directed the film. He had worked previously on The Bourne Identity, and that turned out excellent. He also produced the exceptional sequel, The Bourne Supremacy. We don't have many directors like him in our times... he can actually make an action movie that retains a measure of self-possession.

I've seen the trailer many times already, and I think that Mr. & Mrs. Smith will justify my eagerness.

I like the movie's plot too. An ordinary couple had married for true love, but they were really a pair of professional killers hired by competing companies.

They share a dull but peaceful home life. Meanwhile, they hide their true work as assassins from each other. They learn each other's secret one day when they receive separate assignments to kill each other.

What will they choose - the mission or their marriage vows?

We assume that we know our spouses well since we're married. We trust that we know about his or her birth, profession, and so on... but I wonder if we really know so much. Does the husband who goes to work every day really hold an honest job?

A man might hide his true profession and live his marriage without ever breaking the lie. It's not uncommon to hear about a husband who gets fired from a company and then eats lunch in a public park to hide his unemployment from his wife.

As a matter of fact, I think that a lot of married couples withhold secrets from each other. Their relationship endures because they have mysteries left unexplained.

I started thinking... what if my wife had such-and-such a profession, or such-and-such an identity?

What if she was the President of a big corporation? A Yakuza boss? A princess from some other country?

What about a murderer? A criminal? A phantom thief? A ninja descendent?

Or a vampire? A ghost? A zombie? A time traveler? A resident from Atlantis? A clone? A reincarnated spirit? A Grateful Crane from the folktale?

Maybe we could pick up a few ideas from movies. Could my wife turn out to be a runaway princess like Audrey Hepburn's character in Roman Holiday? Or could she be a secret agent hiding her identity, caught in romance and political intrigue as in the Korean action-romance Shuri? Or perhaps an adept criminal such as one of the sisters in the anime Cats Eye?

Or perhaps she's a disoriented amnesiac who stumbled into a web of mistaken identity, like in the movie Ima-ai-ni-yukimasu? Could it be that my lover is Santa Claus? No, no, that's not a movie… it's a song!

How about Samantha from Bewitched? No... that's too obvious....

I considered a whole variety of different ideas. Men seem to enjoy speculating on these kinds of things.

But the speculation should probably stay close to fantasies. I would feel uncomfortable if my imagination hit too close to my actual circumstances. I wouldn't like to muse, "Perhaps my wife is a famous game designer." Or, if I considered if from HIDEOBLOG's perspective, "Perhaps my wife is an incredibly popular and charismatic blogger."

KojiPro staff met at lunch to discuss arrangement for MG Saga. We all met in one of the fourteenth floor reception rooms. People attended whom I hadn't seen in a long time. We finally have another chance to work together.

I could see the Tokyo Tower from the fourteenth floor. It seemed different from its depiction in the movie Always, as it had appeared during the Shōwa Era. Perhaps it's because so many skyscrapers surround it now.

The Tokyo Tower changes with the times. The Heisei Era's Tower goes well with smog.

We discussed MGS4 in the glass room until evening. The air conditioning made the glass room extremely cold. I had stayed in there for a while, and now I feel a bit feverish. I wonder if I've caught a cold. Just in case, I poured a Kakkonto herbal drink down my throat.

We have completed MGA2's desktop accessory - an interactive, Touch-and-Play screen saver! I had asked Power Graphic to make it since they also made the super-cool AC!D2 Trailer.

I have already named the program....

Behold! UchidAC!D, the Interactive Screen Saver!

Users can download it from MGA2's official site starting December 2. It's trendy and entertaining!

Now users won't see what we have designed for them to play… they'll play with the design instead!

We don't see things like this very often. Our screen saver serves as an ideal medium for fingertip exercise combined with mental engagement.

You should try it too! Let's AC!D up our brains with UchidAC!D!

I stood on the Roppongi station platform and waited for my subway home on the Hibiya Line. I noticed two billboards positioned between the inbound and outbound train tracks. It had been left bare of advertisements.

I've rarely seen them like that, if ever, because that's such a popular place to advertise. The posters rotate pretty regularly. Advertisement demand should be high for the popularity.

I can't believe that anyone left those two billboards totally white, as though they had no advertising clients. I've even seen subway employees working quickly between the tracks to change the posters on those billboards.

You just hardly ever see blank ad space there.

I even suspected that it was an optical illusion. I also considered that advertisers might have deliberately expressed the idea of plainness or vacancy. I even allowed that it might hold an eccentric advertisement for a modern art showpiece.

I stared and stared, but no hidden script appeared. I concluded that the white surface hadn't been lettered with reflective paint.

I finally resolved that the billboards definitely weren't ads in themselves, but only bases for future ads. Did the station finally get caught without its ads ready? Or was this all somehow intentional?

I wonder if the little girl shutterbug would have snapped a photo. How would her eyes have seen this?

I read the morning edition of the Asahi Journal in the evening because I hadn't had time for it when it first circulated today. The information was obsolete of course, but I still ritually read "Vox Populi, Vox Dei."

Today it addressed the End-of-the-Year Jumbo Lottery tickets that I had written about in last Friday's HIDEOBLOG entry. The column addressed the same topic as my aforementioned blog, but it was written so much better! I could hardly believe we had written in the same language!

The column opened with an explanation of the lottery's beginning. The Jumbo Lottery started when Victory Tickets had been sold to finance the war during its final days. The column then connected that story with the annual salary of Hideki Matsui, the baseball player for the New York Yankees. The writing was so skillful that I had to tip my hat to it.

Now I feel pretty low. HIDEOBLOG isn't much more than a diary. It's not really worth others' time to read.

I feel like quitting.

The distance between the asteroid Itokawa and Earth is the same as the difference between HIDEOBLOG and "Vox Populi, Vox Dei."

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chickenstuffedwithmozzarella · 7 years ago

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Haaau. Oooh. Thats sweet. Do i really say holiii that much? I havent noticed. Okay, let's blame tumblr. It's not as if it works perfectly so...😂 Oooh, yes!! I'm in. Tag me in whatever you want. The meme of H and the lamb was hilarious. I love that comparison. Jajajajajja Gosh, can you imagine when he sings Familiar all by himself? Without JBalvin to do that part? If he sings the whole song when he comes to Spain, fans will lose it😂 (1). ((Any update of Liam the cat?))

HI!!!!! I don’t know! You have say it just a couple of times, really, but this girl says all the time and you reminded me of her, and now she reminds me of you,jejje. Honestly, that lamb is Honey! Jajajja. He’s like that too! He looks at you like: what? Do you have something to say? No? okay, bye. Jajaja. And let’s be honest, harry is very meme material,jajajajajja. (I’m so behind in his tour updates, btw. Haven’t seen anything🤦🏻‍♀️) Liam is coming in a couple of weeks? The 4th. Imagine if he sings in Spanish!!! I would die! If he does, he will do it Perfect (Perfect is capitalized bc of the song, omg). I’m sure he’s learning new words in Spanish. Hola sacapuntas, ¿como están todos? 🤣🤣🤣

Oh nono. Dont apologise. I was just laughing at myself. But thanks for the effort💖 This asks was easy to figure out. Oh, dont worry. Im more concerned about the inbox eating my asks (are they safe or are they lost? I never know) than you not answering. Really. (2)

Right? Like, you take the effort to write something and then you put it out there, without knowing if it will reach their destination or not. And at least with me, you know for sure if the ask is missing or not. But when you write people who has a lot of ask you’re like: did the ask get lost or did I say something rude? Are they ignoring me or have the blocked me??? Hjdfojriofjnoeirvjerv @staff!! Work on it!!!!

I dont like the sentence that goes “seria mucho mejor si participa”. Its nothing, but…me chirría* bcs of the possible undertone. Im very sensitive. Thats it. Though i must say that they compensate it with tge next sentence “voy a hacerte todo *lo que me permitas*”. Bcs consent!! Thats important. Oh, same. I dont usually hear anything in Spanish, mainly bcs i havent found anything that i like. Oh, you have almost the whole week free? Thats good!! (3) *i cant think of how to translate it xd

Jo, I haven’t read the lyrics yet (sorry Liam, I’m a very busy person,😅), but yes, you might be right. That sentence… if she isn’t participating… what are you doing then? And yes, that other sentence is better. I have to take my work (as a fan,lol) more seriously. Sdicsjdlncinsldcnlcjvls LOUIS JUST TWEETED LIAM???? Jfdbhkdbffvdfkv WHAT IS HAPPENING!!!!No, but my friends are idiots, jajajja, because I like a lot of Spanish music, actually. Like from the 80s and such,jajajajaj. And once, we were watching OT el reencuentro, and I knew all the songs and they wouldn’t stop teasing me, jajajaj. And o was like: see?? I like Spanish music. OLD Spanish music. Now, even Bisbal sings reguetón 🤦🏻‍♀️.I have to babysit my cousin on Wednesdays starting this week, so good. Bc I only work on Tuesdays and weekends. And someone else have offered me to babysit their children occasionally, so good good. More money for me to spend on the boys.

No idea what is Terra Chat. I guess i was too young? But i do remember messenger! You talked for 6h each day? Thats insane! I could not talk for so many hours. I would run out of topics or something. First time you failed anything, and you 6? Wow. Go big or go home, right? Jajajajaja. Luckily i dont think i’ve ever had any problem with the internet🤔. Its a lifesaver, really. (4)

Seriously, Terra’s chat was the boom back them, jajajja. But I was like 15, so maybe you were still starting to walk, jajajaa (I DON’T KNOW!!)? And yes we would talk for 6h every day. I would eat dinner at my computer, the days I would eat something at all. I lost 4kg the first week I started talking with him,jajajaja. IT WAS TRUE LOVE 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 (gaaa, I used to be the most embarrassing teenager you can imagine,jajaja (haven’t change much, I admit)) [philosophy moment of the day] Kids from today’s day should know the struggle to not be able to text every moment of every day. Having to compact your words into 180(?) caracteres, bc you only could send a text, and it costed money! EVERY. TEXT! Uffff, that gives personality to someone,jajaja. They have so easy to communicate these days😌. [end of philosophy moment]

You also have a JHO shirt????😍😍😍😍 one shirt for each? Well then, 2 more to go. I’ll swear, someday i’ll get myself something like that. What?! You didnt like Niall??? Soraya!! How so? He was lovely! Yes!! He (& his team) is doing so good! He’s conquering the world and im here for it. And also, his new dressing style is a blessing. I love the trousers he wears for the shows. He looks really handsome😍 (5)

The better part of them putting out they’re careers at different times is that you don’t notice you’re spending so much money,jajaja. Because everything is so expensive!!!! Don’t remind me, I’m ashamed I didn’t like him. 🤦🏻‍♀️. It’s not that I didn’t like like him. I just didn’t see anything special about him?? How??? Was I blind??? Probably! But now I just jsdkhfiowjefijowef love everything about him. And yes, absolutely yes no his new style. I can’t wait to see him in person, omg!!! I’m so excited already, jajajaja.

Over again? Listen, can you belive that i discovered very recently that when they sang “hole in the middle of my heart like a polo” there werent talking about shirts?!! I used to hate that sentence bcs it made no sense to me! But they are talking about candys!! Of course. Solo songs. How did i forget?? Small stage? Mymy. You are a genius😂 Oh cool. I know nothing about cameras, but this one has an impressive name. JAJAJA. (6)

Jajajajajaja, I was shocked too when I knew about that too! Jajajaja, I remember thinking, oh that’s makes much more sense that a shirt with a hole??? Jajajajajja. But I love that song live, seriously. You’d have to hear me and see me the concerts I perform in my car!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣. I lose it with that song! My dream? To drive for 5-6-7 hours singing every 1d and solo songs, singing (screaming) every song, and with other four friends/fans. That’s my dream. Jajajaja. No dram job. No being rich. No nothing. Just singing 1d songs, jjajajaja.

Okaaay. I will call you if necessary. Same goes for you. JBieber and Zayn? What about them? Are they making a colabo or something? Are you asking about my toughts on them?? Sorry. Im a bit lost. (7)

No god, how could you Thing they would be collaborating, 😖, jajajajaa. No no. Your thoughts on them. Nah, I asked be I was going to tell you things my mom says about them, but I don’t want to offend you if you like them, jejeje.

Guess what. My friend (who is the most up-to-date on pop culture and music, and the one i always tell my theories to) called me yesterday “la reina del ocultismo”. (Just bcs i said that Shawn latest song sounded queer to me). JAJAJAJAJAJA. Anyway, I felt so proud. I might be crazy, but at least i have cool name. And i dont get bored🤷 (8)

LA REINA DEL OCULTISMO!!! Oh yes!!!! Jajajajajaa. Hey, I don’t follow very close Shawn, just what I see in my dash, or I’ve hear the songs they play on radio, but girl!!! He so gay!!! (And I don’t want to be offensive, okay? Offensive as in assuming he’s gay or something (wow, they just started playing It Isn’t in My Blood by Shawn,jajja) just because stereotypes). I saw and interview the other day, and he’s stance…mymy. But, well, again, I don’t know anything about him. “I might be crazy, […]And i dont get bored” #aboutme, jajjaja. And, please, share you’re crazy theories with me!!! Jajaja

YES YES YES. Of course i read fics. I read them everywhere, shamelessly. On the train, on the subway, at college, at family dinners (that one was risky, i must admit). JAJAJA. But sadly i have too many fics on the “to read” list. Bcs i dont feel like reading something with the length of a book on the phone, and also bcs once i start i cant stop until im done, so its quite inconvenient if i have to study. So, yes. I read them. What were you reading yesterday??? (9)

Same!! I read fics everywhere. I don’t worry to much about my family knowing I’m reading, bc no one understands English. But I freak out every time I let my iPad with a fic opened, bc they can see Harry’s or Louis’ name and I don’t want them to know I’m reading about them,😅😅. I run out of fics to read sometimes! That’s how much I read, jajajja. They’re always part of my bedtime routine, jajajjajaa. And, well, I was reading a fic, I liked it a lot, but I checked the author and she’s a bit “questionable”, so… I’ll reserve my opinion, if you don’t mind. I read someone’s opinion on the fact that people write stories about Harry and Louis, but then they don’t think they’re gay (as in part of LGBT+ community), and believe Louis is a dad, and all the rest. And they said why that is wrong, bc they’re fetishizing gay relationships. And it made sense. And if a queer person (I don’t know if I can use that word, sorry) says that, I have to believe it, y'know. So, when I read a fic from an author I don’t know, I check their blog, just to see. And I saw that, so I won’t be sharing the fic, sorry (which is a pity, but… 🤷🏻‍♀️)

Yeah. It was totally predictable. I know know. But…he looked cute. Well rested. Happy. And we had been deprived for too long so it was a gift to see him again. Thats it for tonight. Sleep well😙 (10)

He always looks well rested after a few days with his boy,jajajaj. I can’t wait to see what the future has planed for him. And also, I’m so curious about this new LiLo thing 🤔🤔. What’s all about? They now tweet each other. Liam talks about him all the time… we’ll see, we’ll see.

Well, that was a productive morning shift, jajaja. I’ve been almost 4h writing this,jajajajaa. The whole morning! Now, I have to check everything is correct before I close to go for lunch,jajajja. Thank youuuu. Bye bye!!

Pd: waaaa, I almost forget about my limo (liam,jajja). Well, I was going to bed, but before it I looked out the window, and called him. I was calling for a good half an hour. And then a black cat appeared, and I thought hey! they are coming! Then another black and wait cat came. And I didn’t stop calling Liam. And HE CAME!!! He came to my window, where Honey and I were. And I told him to jump, but his so fat… jajajjaa. So I called at my house phone so my mom would go to open the backdoor, and I went out from the front door. And when I reached my window he was up there, but he couldn’t go in, bc I had closed it, so Honey wouldn’t go out. And he jumped and went to the back door to wait for my mom no open the door, and then he run and run till my room, jajajaj, to see if there was food in his bowl. And, just that. They I “bath” him. And gave him a pill to desparasitarle(?), and put him a collar para las pulgas? Jajaja. And then I feed him. He was exhausted and hungry. My poor boy. I don’t know why he keeps going ou, if he doesn’t like it,jejeje. Honey kept smelling him bc he smelled different, just FOR A DAY OUT!! (Jo, hablo TANTO!!!) Thanks for asking, love.

#anon #kjdfnfviubdfvubiugrfd #I talk a lot #hey have you listened IDGAF by Dua Lipa??? I love it!!

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lylerabin8035-blog · 7 years ago

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40 Terrific Netflix TV Collection.

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