#i miss writing so much but I just feel so stuck
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
School Vigilante Pt. 1 | Oscar Piastri
WC: 5.2K
Oscar x childhood!friend!reader
Summery:(REQUESTED) Oscar is back from a weekend of racing. On the way back, he's stopped by jealous guys.
Warning: fighting, injuries, maybe cursing?
A/N: This request is one of my absolute favourite, so fun to write and once I started it was easy. I'm not linking the request until I post the second part
@ausie-brit this one is for you ❤️
Masterlist
Oscar Masterlist
When Oscar decided to take karting seriously, telling his parents that he wants to be an F1 driver, they told him that their condition is for him to finish at least school. So, when he moved to Europe to compete there, they enrolled him into private school. And when he wasn’t racing or training, he was there. Oscar didn’t mind his time at school. But since he missed so many days, he mostly only made friends with people in karting.
Oscar’s family agreed with the school to let him come and go, if he got good grades and they paid all his tuition, which they did. The school didn’t allow their students out of campus most weeks, including weekends, but every once and a while the students will have a weekend in town, depending on their ages.
Even though Oscar didn’t spend as much time in school as other did, but he’s one of the popular ones. It’s known that he isn’t there on scholarship like some of the students are. And everyone has seen the places he goes to due to racing. He’s known as the racer kid in school, people like to talk about him and speculate a lot.
You of course knew who Oscar was, like everyone in school, you also heard the girls talk about how goodlooking he is. Thankfully your parents had you in a single bedroom, so you had no roommates, it helped you study and focus on your extracurricular activities. Being top of your year and the smartest student in years, made it easy for you to do those extracurriculars you liked. Teachers and students often didn’t pay attention to what you were doing and didn’t check on you.
It was one evening, Oscar was returning from a formula 3 race. The sun has sat since he arrived back in the UK, Oscar only had a backpack with him. He was close to the school gate; the campus was huge and surrounded by high brick fence. The streets weren’t that well light, but there was enough light for Oscar to see around him.
Oscar heard them before he saw them, the sound of drunken guys being rowdy. He hoped that they wouldn’t cross his path, he wasn’t feeling up to having to talk to anyone, all he wanted is to shower and go to bed.
But it looks like luck wasn’t in his favour because they soon rounded a corner and saw him instantly. He couldn’t see their face, but he was walking towards a streetlight, so they clearly saw them.
“W-wait, is that? What’s his name?” The shorter one said and pointed at Oscar. “The driver!”
“Ooh, you’re right.” The taller squinted his eyes. “Oscar or something.”
“Yes! Oscar.” His friend said and they looked at Oscar, he was moving closer to them. “Looks like he’s coming back from a race.”
“I don’t get how he gets to leave most weekends, and we’re stuck here, every day.” The taller one complained. Oscar doesn’t know if it’s their drunken mind or if it’s just how they are. But they walked up to him and blocked his way. No Oscar isn’t a small kid, he’s not short, and he works out every day, but the guys looked both taller and bigger than him, it was intimidating, he was intimidated even if he didn’t show it.
“You’re Oscar, right?” The shorter one asked buffing his chest.
“Yes.” Oscar answered one of his hands gripping his bag’s strap tighter.
“So what you’re back from a race?” The shorter asked smirking, Oscar could smell the alcohol on them from where he stood.
“Yeah.” Oscar tensed up, he was simply hoping they’d leave him alone.
“Why do you get to do as you please and the rest of us are stuck?” The taller asked and leaned closer to Oscar crossing his arms in front of him.
“My parents made a dea-“
“Oh parents! Yes, forgot you come for money, doing rich people sports and all that.” The taller cut him off and he pushed Oscar’s shoulder back, making the Australian stumble back a step. “You know, it’s not fair, they can’t just allow you to come and go as you please and the rest of us are stuck because you have more money than we do, the system is messed up, and you just think you’re too good for a regular life just because you race and…”
You heard them before you saw them, they were loud, you could hear them from down the street, leaning over the edge you saw them come closer and closer before they passed you, you followed them around the corner and saw them look at another guy walking by the school fence. You saw those two sneaking out a lot, not only them, but they also usually had a couple more people with them. You usually come here for the open space to train, you can only do so much in your dorm room. They were still being so loud, you heard every word they said to Oscar, the guy the girls liked to fawn over. You adjusted the black face mask on your face and put your cap back on before you pulled your hoodie over it, the hoodie had the school crest on it, but you couldn’t risk wearing anything else in case you got caught after getting back on campus.
You saw how the guys moved, and from their stances you knew this was about to get ugly, and two against one is bad in your book. Getting to the pipe running down the side of the two story building, you swung yourself over the edge and held onto the pipe, placing your feet on the metal parts attaching the pipe to the wall. Moving swiftly you climbed down the pipe and moving in the shadows you got closer to the trio.
Thankfully you were close enough to them, because the moment the shorter one moved over his friend with his hand raised in the air you bounced. You ran over and pushed his harm to the side by his forearm, and sliding yourself in front of Oscar, the guy stumbled but regained his balance quickly.
“What the heck? Who are you?” The taller one asked taking half a step back, but not backing away. You tilted your head to the side but didn’t answer.
“What are you doing, hit him!” His friend pushed him closer to you and it took him a moment before he tried to attack you. Maybe it was the alcohol or they’re just stupid but it was obvious when he leaned to the right he was going to swing. You once more dodged, he didn’t stumble like his friend, just swung and swung the last one he stumbled. You’ve been backing up, making Oscar also back up. Oscar could only see your back, hew knew you were from his school but other than that he had no idea who you were.
The guys both shared a look and then came at you.
“Step back.” You told Oscar and he then realised you’re a girl, his eyes went wide but he did as you said. Clearly you knew what you were doing.
Your training kicked in as you swing under a hand flying your way before punching one of the guys in the stomach. Before turning in a spinning roundhouse kick that caught the first guy square in the jae, he stumbled back, shocked that soon turned into anger as he crashed to the ground. Your hood slipped off showing your hair under the hat.
“Whoa.” The second guy exclaimed, momentarily stunned, his drunkenness failing him. “Is that a girl?”
You didn’t give him time to process, you darted forward, closing the gap he made between the two of you. in a swift motion you dropped low, your knee shooting into his gut. He doubled over, gasping for breath and you followed up with a precise elbow to his back, he hit the ground sprawling.
The moment they were both on the ground you turned to Oscar. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, yes.” Oscar looked at you confused by the whole thing, this is all happening too fast. Oscar tried to look at your face, but with the hat leaving a dark shadow on the little that was visible from your face he was unable to. But his eyes flickered down to the glinting of a necklace around your neck, his eyes flicker to your hands, and he sees a scar over your knuckles. There wasn’t time for him to say anything else, as the first guy scrambled to his feet, rage all over his expression. He charged at you, fist swinging wildly, you dodged easily. Your body is moving like water around him. in a seamless move, you sidestepped and swept his legs out from under him, sending him crashing down once more.
The second guy staggered to his feet, his expression shifting from shock to fury. “You’ll pay for that!” He slurred, launching another awkward punch.
You sidestepped again, your training kicking in as you countered with a swift jab to his ribs, then pivoted behind him, locking your arm around his neck. With a quick twist, you sent him tumbling to the ground, gasping.
Breathing heavily, you looked back at Oscar, who was now staring in awe.
“Get out of here before they decide to get back up.” Oscar hesitated, he didn’t want to leave you alone with the guys, even if you took them on by yourself. “I’ll be right behind you.”
“Okay.” Oscar turned and ran down the street to the gate, he heard you follow him. However, by the time he reached the gate, there’s no one behind him when he looked back.
The next morning, Oscar couldn’t get you out of his head. As he walked to the administrative office, every detail from the previous night replayed in his head: the swiftness of your strikes, the way you moved with precise control, you’re trained he knows that for a fact.
Oscar recounted everything that happened to the headmaster, he could tell that they didn’t believe him a 100%, he asked if there’s CCTV, and then the headmaster and the vice-headmaster all went to the security room. Pulling up the footage from the day before, they skipped to the time Oscar told them the altercation happen, and sure enough they saw the guys walk to Oscar. The looks on their faces turned from doubtful, to concern, the school was ‘good’ with security, parents leave children in their care but here they are drunk and out when they shouldn’t.
There was no sound, but everything was clear, the principle knew who they were, even though the quality wasn’t the best, both guys were in trouble a while ago. When you appeared on screen, everyone leaned forward to try and see who you were, but even when your hood fell, they couldn’t pinpoint who you were.
“Do you recognise her?” They asked him.
“No, but she’s from our school, had the jacket and everything.”
Now in a school that doesn’t have any gossip besides who dated who and who cheated on who, the news spread like wildfire around school. The teachers told the students that they wanted to know who the girl was, and for her to step forward and nothing would happen to her, no punishment or anything.
By lunchtime, nearly everyone had heard about the mystery student who had supposedly rescued Oscar from an attack.
It took three days before a girl stepped up and said that it was her. She showed the teachers where she sneaks out from, and you couldn’t help but snort when you heard. You usually jump the wall where no cameras are positioned, you don’t sneak out when the guards change shifts or wait for them to go on a bathroom break. It was ridiculous. But you didn’t bother saying anything, let them believe what they wanted.
She cornered him after going to the teachers.
“I heard what happened.” She said flipping her hair back. “Crazy night, huh?”
“Yeah, I guess you can say that.” Oscar replied trying to keep the conversation short. He wasn’t really a big fan of all the attention now on him because of the incident.
“Well.” Saddie continued, leaning a little closer. “I think I know what you’re wondering… it was me who saved you.”
Oscar blinked, taken a back, he didn’t expect that. “You?”
She grinned nodding.
“Yep. I was out that night too, you know, I sometimes sneak out.” She smirked as if revealing some thrilling secret. “I saw you in trouble and couldn’t just stand by.”
Oscar frowned; not sure he believed her. The girl who saved him moved with a lot of grace and confidence, he’s not convinced Saddie was that person. But she kept talking, adding more details to the attack. She knew the number of people, where they came from, and even some of the things they said. The footage wasn’t released, something only those who were there or watched the videos will know. But he still was sceptical, her build was different from the one he saw fighting, especially the height. He wasn’t that tired to forget or get confused. But she did know about the fight.
To you it was obvious why the girl lied, it was in the way she tried to stick to Oscar’s side, trying to touch him and laughs at everything he says, even when they’re not jokes. It was also obvious to you how uncomfortable it made Oscar; he’d cringe or roll his eyes, and Saddie still wouldn’t care or notice.
Even so, the news spread, and everyone was calling her a hero. Saddie went around saying what happened, exaggerating her story with each time she’s asked about it, embellishing details and playing up her bravery as though she fought off an army And everyone just started shipping them together, to no avail it seems because Oscar isn’t the type to be pressured into anything.
Oscar was back from another weekend of racing; he found himself at the nurses office because his side was hurting from a crash on track that he was involved in.
Oscar walked in and didn’t see the nurse, but he saw you. You looked up at him before you went back to what you’re doing. You had sustained a few scrabs and cuts while you were doing parkour and fell. It wasn’t big or deep, all superficial.
“Uh, do you know where the nurse is?” Oscar asked closing the door behind him.
“She went to the toilet, will be back in a bit.” Oscar takes a look at you, while you paid him no mind, he knows you’re in his class, but he doesn’t know your name.
“I’m sorry, I forgot your name.” You looked up and drowned, no one ever asks you for your name or anything for that mattered. You were invisible to a lot of people in the school, and you didn’t really mind.
“y/n.” You tell him and finish putting the bandages on your hand. You turned to face Oscar fully, and something caught the light making him look down. His eyes went wide in recognition, you looked at where he was staring and saw your necklace. You pushed it under your shirt and sighed, but that gave him a view to your uncovered hand. A scar.
“You’re her.” Oscar said and you sighed, moving to get out of the nurse’s room. Oscar stepped back blocking the door. You stopped and glared at him, there’s a stiffness to your shoulders.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You say through gritted teeth, getting annoyed with him. He’s always gone, which you don’t care about, and no one has figured or had any inkling to what you do during the weekend. Everyone just assumes you spend your time studying.
“You saved me two weeks ago.” Oscar crosses his arms in a challenge.
“No! what are you talking about? That was Saddie.” You shrug, and if Oscar didn’t know better, he would’ve believed you.
“I saw the necklace when you were fighting, it’s you.” Your hands went to where the necklace rested under your shirt. “Same height, same build, same hair and same scar.”
“That means nothing, it could be anyone with my hair colour or something.” You weren’t welling to back down, you were scared of getting exposed and then suffering the consequences, you’ve worked too hard for that to happen.
“y/n, it’s you.” Oscar was firm, and you knew there was no changing his mind.
“You can’t prove it.” Was all you said as you looked away, trying to come up with what to say to the headmaster. Oscar’s heart skipped a beat, it is you then. You’re the mysterious saviour, the one that jumped in even though you don’t know each other.
“I’m not going to tell anyone.” Oscar said softly noticing what’s bothering you.
“You’re not?” your head snapped to look at him.
“I’m not.” He gave you a smile and you slowly returned it. “I just wanted to say thank you.”
“Oh… you don’t have to.” You shrug not seeing it as a big deal. “They were too drunk to do anything, anyways.”
It surprised him how different your reaction is from Saddie, you don’t want the recognition, he understands your reasons. You want to keep to yourself.
“Maybe not to someone who trains like you, but my training is completely different.” Oscar said and you hummed.
“I hear Formula 1 drivers have great reflexes.” You tile your head slightly to the side.
“I’m not a Formula 1 driver.” Oscar counters.
“Yet.” That gets a smile out of him.
“Yet.”
The nurse comes in before you could talk more, you thank her for letting you use the bandages, and leave.
Oscar later finds you in an empty classroom, with a book of advance calculus in front of you, your eyes were focused on the pages lost in your own world. And Oscar understood how no one would suspect you of saving him or of sneaking out. The smartest student in class, no friends, parties, didn’t even indulge in idle chatter.
“That’s the ghost.” Oscar looked to his friend; he had leaned over Oscar’s shoulder to see who he’s looking at. Oscar was confused, and it showed because his friend went on to then say. “She’s always there in class, knows everything before the teachers even explain, and disappears as soon as the class ends.”
It seemed to both you and Oscar that you were both everywhere. When you’re studying in the library, he’s there escaping from Saddie and her entourage. Oscar would pull up the chair across from you and sit down to study, you’d glance up before going back to your books. And then one day he had a question he couldn’t answer so then you started explaining it to him, that turned to you always helping him in all the things he either missed or just didn’t get.
You’ve never done that with anyone before, but unlike most if not all your classmates, Oscar is calm and collected. Something you didn’t expect from him at first. But other than the library you didn’t spend time together, you just met there and after your study session both would go their own ways. Oscar would go to the gym and you’d sneak out to train or train in your room. There was never any further talk about the night you met, and you were thankful for that.
Whenever Oscar spotted you around campus he tried not to stare, not to bring any unwanted attention towards you. He knew that you liked to stay as far away from the spotlight as you could. And he respected that about you, unlike many in school you loved to keep to yourself.
One evening Oscar was walking around campus, he walked in a section that rarely anyone went towards, he wanted to have time to think to himself. The night was silent, and calm, the weather was nice. It was only because it was so silent that Oscar heard it the sound of soft grunting and movement. Feeling compelled to follow the sound he walked around the storage shed. And there he saw you, you were focused, your movement fluid and precise as you practiced a series of strikes and kicks. Each punch, each kick seemed to release stress and energy, that you kept hidden the rest of the time.
Oscar started to feel awkward from just standing there for a few minutes, he took a step closer hoping not to startle you. You noticed him immediately, lowering your fists and meeting his gaze, clearly surprised.
“What are you doing here?” You asked, breathing heavily.
“I... I was just walking around.” Oscar tried to smile and seem as un-creepy as he could. “And then I heard you, and I got curious.”
“Oh, didn’t realise I was being loud.” You said and pushed your hair out of your face. “Are you still curious?”
“I am.” Oscar chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. “I mean you did save me, and that made me curious to see how good you are.”
You thought about his words, he already knows what you do, and he’s seen you out of school. After a moment you gestured for him to a few boxes nearby.
“Well, if you’re going to watch, you might as well sit down.” Oscar follows your orders and sits down; you return to practicing. Oscar being a detail-oriented person started to notice all the small things. He noticed how you balanced on your toes before delivering a powerful kick, how each moved was delivered with precision. There’s no doubt in his mind that you’re skilled, it’s clear to him that you’re not an amateur, this isn’t just for fun.
After a while you took your water bottle and went and sat next to Oscar. “So, do you think it’s weird or strange?”
“No, not at all.” He shook his head. “It’s impressive, I didn’t know you could do all that.”
“It just… helps me clear my head.” You said and took a sip from your water. “Plus it helps me save guys coming back from racing.”
Oscar smiles and lets out a chuckle. “But you have training, like with a coach and everything, right?”
“Yeah, I have two actually, since I do both Parkour and Muayi Thai.” You tell him and he looks impressed. “Don’t look so shocked, Mr. Future Formula 1 driver.”
“It’s not for certain.” Oscar shrugged; you bump your shoulder with his.
“I’m a 100% sure you will.” Oscar saw you smile for the first time, and he has to admit that he liked it. You continued talking for a bit before you had to go back to your dorms.
And so after that it was either the library or the spot behind the storage shed where you’d meet up with Oscar. You may have liked him, and he may have liked you. Yet neither of you made a move or said anything.
As the semester came to an end you both didn’t know this will be the last time you met each other. And it’s your timidness that you both didn’t ask each other for the other’s phone number. You had a competition during the summer that you came first then, and so your parents and you both felt like you needed to go to another school, where you’d be closer to where your new coaches are if you want to go pro in the future.
That’s how you lost contact with Oscar. You thought of him often as did he, but the chance has passed you both by. You’d look him up and see him winning races and championships climbing the ranks and getting closer and closer to reach Formula 1.
Oscar too decided to look you up one day after Hattie (his sister) insisted he do so, saying he won’t lose anything anyways, and Oscar saw that Red Bull signed you. You’ve gone pro, he followed you on Instagram and you did too, however you both had a lot of followers to check who followed you and who didn’t.
Even though time went on and years passed, you remember the best time at school being the year that you and Oscar became friends. He’s been your only friend from school, you had many others from training but he’s the one through school. You always cheered him on, and when you saw him get the McLaren seat, you DM-ed him a congrats, but never got an answer back, knowing he probably got flooded with messages.
Oscar kept up with your career, he saw you win a world title in parkour and almost win one in Muay Thai, it was close, you came in second. He was proud of you either way, he knew for certain you’d win one day.
When your manager contacted you and told you Red Bull were doing some promotions, and you’d get to see the team in another sport, you jumped at the chance to go to a Formula 1 race. And luck would have it that they agreed. So here you are in Japan invited to the paddock for a weekend of racing. You were introduced to Max and Checho and you were set to film some things with them on Media Day.
And that’s how you ended up in a car with the 3 times world champion on a hot lap. Did you scream? Define screaming. You squealed and you gasped, that was a fact, but I mean Max didn’t really have to break so late. He also didn’t have to laugh at you.
“I’d like to see you laughing in a ring.” You told him after he stopped the car and laughed at your hand clutching the seats.
“Is it bad I think I’ll be able to hold my own?” Max asked and you laughed, patting his shoulder.
“It’s like me saying I can hold my own racing you.” You tell him and he nods along.
It isn’t long before you’re out of the car and filming a challenge, let’s say the Red Bull boys aren’t really that flexible. It was a lot of fun you have to admit, and yet you didn’t get a single glance of the papaya driver.
Practice day came and you had more time to wonder around and do your own thing. The good thing is you weren’t a well-known sportswoman, so you weren’t bothered by anyone. Walking around you saw someone you knew, which was a surprise to you.
“Lilly!” You called to the golfer; she turned and saw you. She smiled and waved at you, walking closer you both shared a hug in greeting. “What are you doing here?”
“Me? What are you doing here?” She asked with a laugh, you both met at a sporting even a year or so back and spent a lot of time talking. “My boyfriend Alex is driving for Williams.”
“Oh shoot, right, you told me.” You felt stupid for forgetting, but to be fair you had been super busy.
“So, what are you doing here?”
“Oh, Red Bull invited me, some promotion for the team’s different sports.” You told her, and she aah-ed, it made sense. “But we filmed everything yesterday, so I have time to do as I like today.”
“Good, stick with me then.” She locked your hands together and you followed her down the paddock to a café or sorts, where she greeted two other girls. “Girls this is y/n, a Red Bull Parkour champion and a Muay Thai runner up. y/n, this is Rebecca and Carmen.”
You all greet each other before they invite you to sit down, you learn who they’re dating, they ask you about the sports you do. The girls were all nice and welcoming, they found that you already have knowledge of Formula 1 and weren’t just invited here for the heck of it, even if it didn’t matter when you were asked to attend.
After a while Carlos dressed in his Ferrari team kit came by and following him was a man dressed in Papaya. Your heart skipped a beat before you realised it’s not the person you were hoping to see. Lilly saw the look on your face and nudged you slightly.
“Are you okay?” She lowered her voice; you nodded with a smile.
“Yeah just…” You didn’t know if you should tell her or not. It’s been years since you saw Oscar last, you don’t know if he even remembers you or not. Would it seem childish? “I went to school with Oscar and-“
“You went to school with Oscar!” Lilly exclaimed and you stared at her wide eyed, she places her hand on mouth shocked at her own reaction. It was too late though because the other people at the table heard her.
“You went to school with Oscar?” Lando asked interested, you nodded. “I’m sorry, who are you?”
“y/n y/l/n, I do Parkour and Muay Thai.” You say with a smile and put your hand out for him to shake, he does and Carlos as well.
“A Red Bull world champion.” Lilly adds, Lando looks at the pass around your neck seeing it’s from Red Bull.
“Huh, another Red bull champion.” He commented.
“How well did you know Oscar?” Carmen asked curiously.
“Well, we were friends for a year, but we were very close until I changed schools, and we lost contact.” You told the group, the girls all felt bad for you.
“I’m sure Lando can help you.” Carlos said turning to his friend. You all looked at Lando, he looked at all of you before sighing.
“Fine, but if this is a plot from Red Bull to steal information, I’m blaming you all.” Lando pointed at his friend and the girlfriends, the girls were just amused, and Carlos rolled his eyes. Lando turned to you. “Come on, before he hops in the car.” Lando gestures for you to follow him which you do.
“Take a video!” Rebecca shouted and Lando rolled his eyes but raised a thumps up.
“I’m really not a Red Bull spy, if that’s what you’re scared of.” You tried to reassure the McLaren driver, who after a moment of silence spoke.
“I know, sorry, just a tense season.” You nodded in understanding.
“It’s all right, I know what you mean. Balancing rivalries while you’re competing and not is hard.” You smile at Lando to show him you didn’t take offence to what he said or his attitude.
“I’m starting to believe you’re friends with Oscar more.” You let out a laugh at that.
You silently followed Lando through the paddock and to the McLaren garage. He asked a few people for Oscar’s location, and you still just followed. Turning a corner you saw an orange 81 on a broad back, the fireproofs sticking to his body.
“Hey Osc, there’s someone here to see you.” Lando had his phone opened to video, it was aimed at Oscar.
Oscar turned and saw Lando, his brow furrowed, before he turned to look at you. There was a moment of silence, Oscar just took you in.
“y/n.” He said simply and you smiled, he recognised you, didn’t forget who you were.
“Hey, Oscar.”
Taglist:
@gnatthefly . @mochimommy2002 . @llando4norris . @mrswolffs-blog . @barcelonaloverf1life . @c-losur3 . @xoscar03 . @schniti-is-in-the-house . @lottalove4evelyn . @eywas-heir . @glow-ish . @lilypat . @directioner5life .
#f1 imagine#f1 fanfic#f1 scenario#f1 x reader#formula 1#f1#oscar x reader#oscar imagine#oscar fic#oscar piastri one shot#oscar piastri fanfic#oscar piastri x you#oscar piastri imagine#oscar piastri x reader#oscar piastri#op81 imagine#op81 x reader#op81 fic#op81#formula1#formula one imagine#formula 1 fanfic
190 notes
·
View notes
Text
Marshmallow lover | B.B & S.R
>> Bucky comes home from a mission, flashbacks are brought back. But luckily you know what Bucky needs to clam down. Not only you and Steve but also hot chocolate. <<
Pairing: Boyfriend!Bucky Barnes x Boyfriend!Steve Rogers x Girlfriend!Reader
Wordcount: 2.852 Words
Warnings: poly-relationship, m/m/f, established relationship, anxiety/panic, mention of punching), nicknames (babydoll, princess, majesty), fluff
Authors Note: Dedicated to @mercurial-chuckles. Cause you asked for Stucky, hehe. I had another idea but I just haven’t had enough motivation or ideas to write it. So I hope you like that one anyway.
Events: Stucky Bingo [SB6010 | B3 | Writing Format: second person + November Prompt: Home | @stuckybingo] Steve Rogers Bingo [SB4054 | C3 | Free Space | @steverogersbingo]
Masterlist | Stucky x Reader Masterlist
It was one of these early winter days, where the weather wasn't too cold but you could already feel the breeze the winter was bringing with itself. The air was cool; your hands would have been ice blocks already, but luckily your boyfriend was holding one of them, and the other has been stuck in your pocket since the two of you left the house.
Actually, the two of you thought about staying home until Bucky came home — from the mission — in the evening. But when Bucky told you that he wouldn't be home before the late evening, Steve decided to force you in a loving way to go shopping with him. He knew you loved decoration, so it was the best opportunity to make you leave the house and have some fun with him. Otherwise, you would have sat in the hallway, watching the front door until Bucky walked inside.
It happened once, and both of your men made sure that they would distract you if the other one was on a mission and came home late. Of course, they understood why you acted like that; it was weird to have one of you not in bed at night or missing at the table during meals. Even watching television was different if one of them was on a mission — which didn't happen often anymore.
But after the last time you refused to leave the spot in the hallway unless you had to use the bathroom, Steve took you shopping this time. And luckily, he managed to get your mind off of the fact that Bucky could be injured when he came home. Even though you seemed distracted, Steve felt a little restless; he knew you felt the same, but he just hoped the decoration was distracting enough for you. Little did he know that you hoped the same for him, because deep down, you wanted to return home to make sure that Bucky was fine once he came home. But you tried to calm yourself; Bucky could call you once he was home, and he could take care of himself for a bit too. Plus, he sometimes even enjoyed having a moment just for himself after some missions.
When you had some items you wanted and were happy with, you and Steve made your way back home. It was just a short walk, but the later it got, the colder it was. You were shivering, and Steve's strong arm around your waist and his muscular body pressed against your side didn't help much to warm you up. “You know, my tooth...” you chuckled softly, moving them inside your shoes even though you didn't really feel them because of the cold anymore. “They are pretty cold. Guess they would fall off if I bumped them.”
“Then we get you home pretty fast. Don't want your toes to fall off. Bucky wouldn't like that either," Steve joked, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your hair. The two of you didn't talk much; there was no need. It was just the closeness to one another, the happiness and love that you felt whenever you were close to your boyfriends. So you just walked quietly along the streets with him, the sky slowly darkening, and you were glad you were almost home already.
After a few more minutes of walking, you finally walked into the warm house. It was almost a burning feeling on your skin, and you hissed softly. Steve had to shove you into the house, or else you would probably have walked backwards and out of the warmth back into the cold. He chuckled behind you, his calloused hands holding you by your waist before pushing you further into the hallway so he was able to close the door behind you.
“It's warm, isn't it? Maybe it’s because you're surrounded by such hot men.” Steve laughed softly, taking your jacket, before he took off his own jacket and shoes. You narrowed your eyes when you walked further into your house, looking around to find Bucky. You were sure he was home; his shoes were in the hallway where they belonged. But instead of your boyfriend coming immediately to greet the two of you, he was nowhere to be seen. Steve's voice interrupted your thoughts before you could even start to worry. “Maybe he's in the bedroom; he loves showers after a mission. While you look for him, I'm gonna make some hot chocolate for us.”
You nodded, pecking Steve's lips softly, before you turned away to walk to your shared bedroom. You didn't hear any noises, neither the shower nor Bucky looking through the wardrobe to find something comfortable to wear. You tried as best as you could to not worry about him. Bucky was sometimes pretty quiet, especially after missions. It was almost like he had to get used to home again to know he wasn't on a mission any longer.
The door of your bedroom was almost closed, but you saw a little part of the bed, the small bedside table, and a hint of something else — feet. Or it was more the toes that were curled, like they were the only part that was holding him grounded. You pushed the door open, looking to the side where Bucky was sitting. Your eyes widened as you saw him curled up into himself. His knees were pressed against his chest, his hands properly bruising his skin already, while his eyes were unfocused. Bucky was just staring into the air with a fearful expression on his handsome face.
You slowly walked closer to him, unsure what to do. Sweat was running down his forehead; even his hair was sweaty, and his clothes were stuck to him like a second skin — soaked in sweat. You're not sure how long he was sitting there like that; his teeth gritted, his jaw clenched, and you noticed his other muscles being more visible than usual through his clothes. Bucky was tense like he was still in a fight, and in a certain way he was — but instead of fighting against some people like Hydra, he was fighting his own battle with himself, with his fear in his mind.
“Bucky?” You asked softly, your voice just above a whisper when you kneeled down in front of him. There was still some distance, so he wasn't able to reach you if he would punch or kick. You have seen Steve in such situations with Bucky before; he had to take the one or another punch already — which caused Bucky to feel even more guilty after. But Steve always assured him that it's not as bad as it looks and that it would never change anything about the way he feels for Bucky or sees his boyfriend. And even though he never hurt you, Bucky was always sorry that you had to see him struggling so much with his nightmares and flashbacks from the past — you never judged him; you only loved him more when he couldn't love himself.
Bucky didn't react when you called him by his name. His fingers only tightened around his legs. You wanted to reach out, but you know you shouldn't. Bucky once had his hand around Steve's throat the moment his fingertips brushed along his lover's leg. And you knew Steve was stronger than you; he had struggled to get the other super soldier off of him, so you were pretty sure Bucky would crash you before you could even call for Steve. And both told you to never call Steve for help; they trust and love you, but they were too worried about you — and Bucky would never be okay with himself again if he would hurt you. And you understood it.
After another time calling him by his name but getting no answer, you sigh softly. Tears slowly formed in his eyes, rolling down his cheeks, and everything inside of you screamed to wipe them away, to pull him into you, but you were too afraid to scare him even more. So, you decided to make the only thing that came as an alternative solution to your mind — Steve.
From the time you walked into the bedroom to the moment you got up to walk to the door and shout for Steve, only a few minutes passed. But for you, it felt like at least twenty minutes, not being able to help Bucky and not wanting to leave his side while you tried to come up with something that could help without Steve's help.
You opened the door of your shared bedroom a bit more, looking out into the hallway. “Steve!” You shouted, earning immediately a soft ‘Yes.’ from him. He was still making the hot chocolate, but he was worried the moment you shouted his name instead of coming into the kitchen with Bucky. “I—I need you here. Or Bucky needs you... WE NEED YOU.”
Steve would have chuckled about your wording, but he knew that this wasn’t a situation to laugh about. He immediately turned off everything that could burn. His footsteps were loud and heavy when he walked to your shared bedroom. He noticed you looking out of the door, narrowing his eyes when he didn't see Bucky close to you. The big grump was actually holding you close, hugging, carrying, or kissing you the whole time. But right now, it was only you who waited for him to come to the bedroom.
"Where's Buck? Are you okay? Did he… What's wrong?” Steve asked, not even letting you a moment to answer. You brought your hand to his cheek, stroking it softly before giving him a slight, soft smile. He knew you didn't feel like you tried to show, but he knew you did it to calm the two of you down. It wouldn't help any of you to freak out or be more worried. After a moment, you take your hand away, taking a step to the side, and letting Steve walk into the room.
“He doesn't react when I talk to him. I-I don't know what I can do, but you... You trailed off, watching Steve's eyes widen as he saw your boyfriend looking like a lost puppy. You watched him walk over to Bucky, pulling you with him before Steve pushed you to sit down on the bed, and he kneeled down in front of Bucky. Steve was way closer than you were earlier, and you pulled your knees up, hugging them while you watched your boyfriends intensely. “You know what to do, right?”
Steve nodded, smiling softly. He turned his head back to Bucky, placing his hand on the brown-haired man's knees. Bucky hissed; his metal hand shot up to place a punch into Steve's pretty face, but he caught Bucky's hand. Steve held Bucky's hand tightly, trying to force his hand back down, and after a moment it even worked. You watched them with slightly parted lips; when did Steve find out how to catch Bucky's hand — especially his metal hand?
“Buck, it's me. It's Steve. You're home; do you hear me?” Steve asked, his voice soft. He ran his thick fingers slowly up and down the side of Bucky's thigh. He leaned a bit closer; his other hand was still holding Bucky's metal hand, and you wonder if Bucky was trying to punch him with his other hand but he didn't. “You're home, with me and our princess. You know, your babydoll.”
Bucky gasped softly, his eyes wider than before. His hands made grabbing motions, and Steve smiled softly, feeling Bucky being less tense than he was just a moment ago. Steve let go of his boyfriend's metal hand, using his hand to wipe away some sweat from Bucky's forehead.
“Hi, Buck,” he chuckled. Bucky slowly calmed down, noticing his surroundings. Bucky was slowly letting go of his legs, stretching them slowly between Steve's legs while his head fell forward against Steve's shoulder. “You're home; we are home. We got ya. Scared our princess a bit.”
“My babydoll?” Bucky's voice was hoarse and quiet, but Steve understood him anyway. He slowly nodded, caressing Bucky wet strands. Steve then turned his head to you, nodding at Bucky and mouthing that he just asked for you before he even asked anything else. “My babydoll, my Stevie.”
“We’re here, Buck. Do you want her to come closer as well, or do you need a moment?” Steve asked softly. He knew — you both knew — that Bucky was still pretty shaken up and that he could use some time to calm down or that he needed to feel the two of you, to smell the two of you, and to see the two of you to calm down completely.
Since the brown-haired man didn't really trust his voice, he only lifted his hand, making a grabby hand into the direction of the bed where you were still sitting. His other hand was interlaced with Steves, holding him close to Bucky. You slowly moved down from the bed; your knees were cracking softly when you stretched them out, and Steve laughed softly.
“Thought we were old, but you're cracking just like we do,” he told you, smirking before he moved a bit to the side to make space for you in front of Bucky. You rolled your eyes, moving closer to Bucky, but before you could have even said anything or moved another inch, he pulled you into his lap. You were straddling his thick thighs, your chest pressed against his.
Bucky hid his face in the crock of your neck, pulling Steve against his side so the two of you — the two people he loved the most, who meant everything to him — were as close as possible to him. After a moment of comfortable silence, he lifted his head. He was still sweaty, but his ocean blue eyes were brightened, and the sparkle you and Steve loved so much were visible again. A soft smile was tugging at Bucky's lips, causing you to smile as well. He leaned closer, pecking your lips before he did the same with Steve, sighing softly.
“Hi,” he chuckled, resting his head on your shoulder once again. “Missed you two. Do I smell hot chocolate?”
Both you and Steve laughed softly. When it came to hot chocolate, especially with marshmallows, you had to be faster than Bucky, or else he — accidentally — drank everything before you even reached the kitchen.
“Mhm, it’s probably cold again, but I can warm it up while you get a shower, sweaty,” Steve teased, using the nickname on purpose instead of ‘sweety’. Bucky rolled his eyes, growling softly, but he then nodded. Steve wasn't wrong; he felt like he had already taken a shower, but this time with his own sweat. “We got some marshmallows, and our princess got a lot of decorations.”
You nodded; your eyes lit up as you opened your mouth to start and explain what you got and why you got it. Bucky chuckled, loving your excitement. But he wanted you to show him and explain it while the three of you would be sitting wrapped up in a blanket on the couch with hot chocolate and marshmallows. So he pressed his lips onto yours before you could even start to tell him more about it.
“But I'm taking my babydoll to take a shower with me,” Bucky grumbled, and there he was again. Your Bucky, the love of your and Steve’s lives who never let go of you, who needed to be close to you, needed to kiss you and just show you all the love and affection. Of course, he did the same with Steve too, but he had another task, so it was you who was going to join him in the shower. “Plus, need her to wash my hair. Feels so much better when she massages the shampoo into my hair with her soft hands.”
“Of course you do,” Steve chuckled, pressing a soft kiss to Bucky and then your forehead before he got up to get the chocolate ready. Bucky opened his mouth, but Steve turned around, smirking at him. “Yeah, with as many marshmallows as you wish, my majesty.”
“Good boy.” Bucky grinned at Steve, who suddenly blushed and turned away. “Mission completed, making Stevie blush. Now, my next mission is to get you into the shower with me. Mhm, missed you. I love you so much, babydoll. And you too, Steve, I know you're standing in the hallway.”
“I love you too,” you say in unison with Steve, who then made his way down the hallway back to the kitchen. Bucky got up, keeping you in his arms before he walked with you to the bathroom, getting the two of you into the shower. It wasn't just cleaning him; it was a lot more Bucky being possessive and touch-starved, and you were his solution — you were gladly his way to get touches and be happy when it meant kisses, hugs, soft touches, and all the compliments you loved so much to hear from your boyfriends.
Comment and Reblog to support your content creators.
I do not allow my work to be copied, translated or published elsewhere.
Taglist: @pono-pura-vida @sergeantbarnessdoll @rogersbarber @kimmie113080 @sebastianstanisahotmf
#stucky x reader#stucky x you#stucky x y/n#stucky fanfiction#stucky fic#stucky x female reader#Bucky Barnes x Steve rogers#Steve rogers x Bucky Barnes#Bucky x Steve x reader#Steve x Bucky x reader#bucky barnes x yn#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes x reader fluff#steve rogers x yn#steve rogers x female reader#steve rogers x y/n#Steve rogers x reader fluff#steve rogers fluff#bucky barnes fluff#bucky barnes x f!reader#steve rogers x f!reader
72 notes
·
View notes
Text
#for my followers/moots but adding the ship tags for visibility#samijey#codyjey#sami x roman#zowens#ambrolleigns#wwe fanfiction#i miss writing so much but I just feel so stuck
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Me: i'm so uninspired :( i can't write for shit :( :(
Also Me: *casually writes a 5 page essay in 5 minutes on Eastern minimalism vs. Western minimalism after watching Jacob Geller's video essay on Heizer's "City" *
#when i say ''i can't write for shit'' what i almost always mean is fiction i'm horrible with getting inspired for fiction#i'm always up for essays though there has never been a day in my life where i couldn't churn out 35 office pages of essays on spot#about any given topic essays are so fucking easy to me it's scary#something about taking out the emotional component of writing makes it easy as breathing for me#the problem is that I WANT TO WRITE FICTION HOLY SHIT#anyway; geniunely considering making a substack at this point.#i love writing about media but i go so much deeper than just One Single Piece Of Media#and i honestly feel like my analysis is wasted when it's framed as “commentary on this one specific media”; because it's not.#i could group so much shit together and do real talk and stop pretending like i'm stuck with fandoms#like yes i miss writing Batman meta but also i dont write Batman meta i write zeitgeist commentaries#siiiiiigh. i want to write fic though
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#what do you call it when a mind is lacking in depth of m thought? is there a word for that?#because all my mind can do is spin in tiny circles. never push any further. no depth of thought#i cant even carry out this line of thought to completion in my head. i have to write it down like this or else it remains stuck in an eddy#its so frustrating. when my thoughts are pressured i spin so fast it feels like my head might pop but the thoughts never go anywhere#bc they just repeat the same god damn things all thr fucking time. they drag me around in circles. then when im feeling low or even like#normal. my head just feels empty and it freaks me out. i have no intersting thoughts to think. theres nothing behind my eyes#possibly its just my brain on 0cd. but how am i suppose to escape the spiral if its in my own head? i guess im just supposed to changr my#reaction to it. recognize what it is and let it go. but i dont like it#i just want to curl up on a warm tile floor. press myself into a quiet corner and not think anything#in an aquarium or a conservatory. specifically the conservatory in Columbus. i love that place#i went there for my birthday when i was like 12 bc i liked it so much. the botanically gardens and the butterflies and the stained glass#i dunno. i just like it there. ugh. im just tired#god. there was a really cool talk today and im always like im not that inattentive lol but then i cannot for the life of me follow a talk or#read a paper all thr way through. my short term working memory is just a tiny little cup. easy to overfill#so i miss mostly everything. its so frustrating#its all frustrating. whatever. back to the psychiatrist tomorrow. probably up thr lamicta1 dosage#bc im past where i was last time i had a reaction to it 💪#i just wish i wanted to draw. drawing just makes me tired and impatient rn#unrelated
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fuck it my brain feels super clogged so I'm posting my agenda with little to no context + one doodle idk if I'll color but I kinda want to but I kinda don't LMFAO
(wips I'm hoping to return to ect ect, just a few snippets from a larger Thing)
#fire emblem#UPSETTING. not enough room in my brain for the sheer amount of guys and things.#seriously i feel so overwhelmed jumping from one ip to the next like i had this whole kick where i was about to#go SUPER hard into sumo again and mashing them together w paldea bc i had so many ideas and concepts#but then engage and then a very brief thought about genshin very fleeting and then. pokemon mystery dungeon.#god i was SO feverishly like deeply into pmd again and drawing my oc from when i was 12 and making loose gijinkas#all the while i feel like i've abandoned my boy. and girl. askr siblings...... i miss them#(<- thinks about them every day)#i feel like i'm running in circles chasing my own tail like desperately trying to latch onto anything that can keep my attention#but i am so so soooooooo distracted all of the time amd i have evil boredom syndrome.#i also just keep getting to a point in my art stuff where??? i'm just stuck???? i can't continue???? it's ALL i can think about#but no amount of thinking and looking at it and trying to write it out will actually get me anywhere. AUGH#exploding myself with my mind. so much hatred in the world.#anyways takumi alcyst friendship heroes i'm begging you to make them interact. i think they could be SO funny together#fe takumi#alcryst#my art#wips
43 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#Nothing to see here folks!#Just an old bitch whining and being annoying about stuff - move along! Pay no attention to the hater behind the curtain!#Wrestling is Bad Actually#*Heavy sigh*#I miss wrestling#I really do#I miss watching it and enjoying it and getting excited about it and writing fic about it#But I just can't do any of that anymore. Tony Khan ain't letting me LOL#And I have boring real life adult problems and wrestling used to be my escape from all that but NOT ANYMORE!#It's just really hitting me today how much I'm in Fandom Limbo#I stopped watching AEW months ago because - to put it as diplomatically as possible - it is very much Not For Me anymore#And everything I've seen and heard since then has only confirmed I made the right decision there#But I don't currently have another hyper-fixation to fill the void#So I'm just stuck here desperately waiting for something else to come and save me from this nightmare#And I don't want to be a hater! I used to fucking LOVE AEW and I take no joy in how much I think it sucks nowadays#And I don't wanna be a party pooper either - I see everyone else squeeing about the Bucks or Junglecorpse or MJF and Ospreay or Bryan#And it's just like...I'm glad y'all are having fun - really! But GOOD LORD does none of that appeal to me in the slightest#Most of my faves aren't getting booked - let alone pushed!#And the few that are are even worse off because Tony's booking is SO BAD it makes me unable to give a shit about wrestlers I used to love#I feel like Lieutenant Dan on New Years - everyone else is having a grand ol' time while I'm just sat here like 🙁#I feel like I'm going through the fives stages of grief in regards to fandom at the moment and it is not a good time let me tell ya#So yeah - don't be surprised if I stop being a wrestling blog the second the new Dragon Age game comes out#Save me Bioware! You're my only hope!
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
the power i will receive in a matter of days will be astounding. watch out
#i am making this post to ramble. idk if it will actually change anything but i am trying 2 be hopeful .#ive been very. Rough all month thus far both physically and mentally and occasionally both at the same time#i am just hoping tht wat i am getting soon will help me do things bc ive rly had no energy to do anything at alllllll#and i rly dont want to like. Explode i would like to get things done#i have things i owe to people!!! i just dont have the spoons to do it Ever and it piles iup and up in my head#it fucking blows dude i have been stuck in a horrendous loop for like almost 6 months#i just want 2 be normal u know . i am hoping something will change soon#if it does not change in the nesxt few days when my shit arrives i think im like. Done For in general#like if im unable to get anything done in the next few days then i am going to very seriously have to reconsider#literally everything i do online i think. its a bit fucked up#ik it sounds like an exaggeration bu there is noooo way in hell i am Surviving like tihs !!!!!!! slash srs#i wish twitter circles did not die so i cold blow up in there bu back to ye olde norm of tumblr tags will have to do#also it feels less invasive so like. win for me ig. i do miss rambling nonstop in tags#i miss tumblr!! i miss a lot of old stuff. reminiscing for reasons both good and bad. the tumblr stuff is the good side tho#anyways i have been slowly chipping away at writing thigns this month and ik its like. not a lot at all.#but its a lot to *me* and when youre someone whos only capable of doing so mch its like. a big deal#(im writing pmdnd stuff finally getting back into gear nd stuff i have been trying to slowly draw the npcs#that ive made whilst trying to recover in other areas bu rghghrghgrgr i dont ewant to draw#i havent wanted to draw in a long long time blows up)#i shuld. stop typing actually i am rambling too much i jsujt have nowhere to mindlessly ramble anymore technicaly#i dont want to bug my friends w me being unwell all the time DFJKGHDFKGFG#mayne i will try to ccontinue with the npcs. we will see based on if i post again in the next 30 minutes
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
sry i also started thinking abt how great my life would be if i was trapped in a timeloop again. i meant again as in i thought abt it again not as in I was trapped in a timeloop and id love 4 it 2 happen again. never been in one unfortunately.
#id be so awesome in the timeloop dude. you guys dont get ittt id slay in the timeloop#id memorize every single thing that happens nad itd be awesome id write a book abt everything that happens even. and id be able to sleep so#much and therd be no consequences for anything (aside from. what. me being stuck in the timeloop longer? DONT MIND IF I DO!!!)#and like if itsba 24 hour timeloop. dude i can do anything in those 24 hours. i could go across the world PROBABLY#like i could just empty allll of my savings and book a same day no stops flight . and then id just like be somewhere else. ajd i wouldnt#even have to worry abt getting back bc timeloop my guy!!!#sighh .. yk. every day alreadh feels all the same due to depression so mayyybe everyday feeling the same due to timeloop wouldnt actually b#awesome but i think it would be avtually bc the reason every day feeling the same feels Bad is bc i know they shouldnt.ik theyre different#im justgoing through the motions every day and i hate it. if every day actually was the same ? dudeee i wouldnt be sad abt every day#feeling rhe same bc it straighr up would be. i wouldnt feel like im missing out on something... And idbe able to DO different things bc i#wouldnt have to worry like Omg what will happen tmrw if i do something reckless today.. omg i cant spend this money bc rent is due next#week. omg i cant go do thus activity bc i have 2 work today.. Brother nobody has to work in a timeloop!!!#and all id have to do is like. kill somebody every so often so the time god or whateber doesnt think ive learned my lesson. and itd suck to#kill someone yk id feel badd. ig rly i could just rob a bank and not have 2 kill someone#well yk. some ppl. i would murder. mainly bc i think itd be kiiinda funny. but i shant go into thay more#Dude i could literally learn every language and read every single bookkkkkk god i wanna be in a timeloop so bad id thrive in the timeloop
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
/ I have this feeling that at one given point, I’ll write a h.on.kai s.tar r.ail character-
#;ooc#ooc#;dl#i just have that feeling that eventually i'll give in at some point#but tbh i would be grateful if i could just write on my current blogs AUUUUU#stuck with wanting to revamp d.antes and a.rthur#still missing k.aveh; i wanna see more of him!!! right naow!!!#but also the struggle of motivation man...... -clenches hands on fists-#a.rthur- u know when some things now hit u more about a character and u wanna re-interpretate them from scratch-#or well no so turbo from scratch but some things im like;; i would change this#AND D.ANTES-!! man its been ages! so naturally u grow to see other sides of a character or think about them in other ways#BUT ALSO- i've been wanting to make an oc toooo that looks so much fun!#i've been wanting one since ageees; wish i had thoughts about one but i personally have no oc's#and also fc finding is so hard!! how do u guys find the coolest looking fc's!?!?!?#SO MUCH- no energy no motivation no writting no-#one more thing;; a.rjuna supremacy#and k.arna supremacy as well
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
today i realized that i actually really miss being in school. i miss having that sort of intellectual and creative stimulation. there’s so much that i still want to learn in the fields that i’m passionate about, and perhaps one of the reasons i’ve been so creatively dries out lately is because i’m essentially teaching myself a lot of things?
#i want to learn!!! i want to put my theoretical knowledge of the performing arts into PRACTICE#especially with writing tho. i want to get good at it and figure out my style and idk recover the confidence i used to have#and acting is just like… i gotta DO it. i have to just learn through practice#and i want to go to college and find a group of creative friend that i can feel at home with and we can help each other produce our ideas#i was doing application stuff today and i guess it just made me realize how bored i am#i’m made for more#ik that sounds pretentious but i am not ready to settle down. there so much left to DO#…and here i am stuck at home doing math (drudgery) and working in retail (which is okay but I’m not staying there forever)#also i think the real distiction here is i’m longing for ARTS school. i’m missing being able to immerse myself in subjects that I specifical#*specifically love#i DO NOT miss high school#belle speaks#stories of my life#yearning hours#poem idea
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
none of this writing has charming soap opera drama appeal i feel like im reading bad wattpad fanfic turned novel drama instead.
#im sorry to be a hater but absolutely nothing has primed me to like remotely any of this. i feel bad not even trying to find some worth#but i cant 😭 i just cant. i do think mike is fun though. some meaning there.#but i've been stuck in silver and bronze land and the last most recent run i reread was w.aid#i mean. i did just read some of so.ule's run. it was alright but i had to read a very select portion so. didnt help to build up with me#sadly. wasnt bad tho. but im like mannnn... i miss the current character voice im used to so i feel so Huh when im reading rn#bc those two matts feel quite different than the ones i am particularly fond of. which is like yes natural character development#but it also just feels So different. this is my own problem though#i have a very particular mix of matt character voice in my brain. silver/ very early bronze + n.ocen.ti + w.aid. this is my matt soup#so im still like. dumb as it sounds Adjusting! also b.en.dis resides in there too but is harder to remember#bc the last time i touched it really was in my freshman year of college.#so it's been a minute and is not quite within that soup but it's an underlying flavor. same w/ ann. though underlying in a different way#bc even tho i read this year it isnt the most Thorough sticking and super distinct to his voice (i have a very broad meaning when i say tha#but it is definitely an informative flavor. but soapy antics and happy matt are highly definitive of my current view#so im like huh. im not quite into grittier writings of matt yet. aside from like. be.nd.is. but i still dont find it the same brand of grit#ok rethinking even though i say it's not in there it is it's very much one of those things you dont realize is like something carrying#a lot of the flavor within the soup but if you took it away it would be mega lacking. ok. there#done with my soup metaphor. anyways. point is Im Still Trying To See How This Matt Works In My Mind#not bc im resistant (to s.oul.e. im highly resistant to z.da.rsk.y) to him. but it's like. it's not quite the best to work with all these#other variations and informative to my viewings. i know i said i was done with soup metaphor but i lied. it's like they arent. terrible. bu#and dont necessarily ruin the soup (im gonna be real and say this only applies to s.oul.e. the other guy is ruining the soup). but dont fit#the flavor profile of it very well. like it kinda works. but it throws it off. just a bit. NOW IM DONE.#static.soundz
1 note
·
View note
Text
...
#was in the middle of writing#and then checked facebook and saw that a friend just had her baby#this was the friend that texted both of my best friends to ask what happened with me and nick instead of just asking me personally if I was#okay and I texted her and called her out and i posted the screenshots here if anyone of you remember#but yeah#i feel like crying#it feels like everyone around me is getting their happily ever after and I'm just...not#like I should have a baby right now#i hate that i still think of nick#I hate that i still miss nick#like bitch get over it already!!!#but I feel like I'm never going to meet someone#unless I pay for a match.com profile#but then that feels too serious#like thats so much pressure#im stuck in such a weird place
0 notes
Text
you ever really wanna make an oc for a piece of fiction youre into but nomatter what you throw out there none of it sticks and everything about them doesnt sit right with you?
ive had this before, and typically i just abandon the oc or suddenly something sticks (this is that case for both my Agent 3 oc and Neo Agent 3 oc)
the thing is in that case i needed to make them for the story and i already was like interested in making them anyway
at first i was into the idea of this oc but the more i read this manga the more i just... feel like shes stupid and doesnt work, all the ideas i have for her doesnt work nomatter how much is toy around with them, it kinda feels like she exists just to have special connections to the characters i like and this one oc i thought of kinda just exists to be romantically involved with this one guy and i dont like it
the just feel bland af and only one of them i feel like adds some extra substance i wish was there for the story, but part of that could be there just by writing one of the characters im into differently
i dont want a self insert here either, i want to design someone, i want to make someone else, i want the mirror that reflects me to be shattered into small bits
im stuck in a creative rut rn cuz of my period and winter and i fucking hate it
i think ill just focus on skycotl fn ughhh
i think its best i take a break from this manga fn
#manga#anime#oc#artist block#writers block#yes i am talking abt jjba btw#ughh i love it sm but there is so much potential that is missed hence why i wanted to make ocs#ik for sure i want to draw a fanmanga that makes Strazio's actions make sense tho#and maybe a fancomic that entends each part by more?#at first i didnt mind it with PB but i felt robbed with how fast BT's plot ended#and i looked at SC and its got 10 fucking volumes only wtf#i crave more BT content so i might as well make it myself#jjba#fan writing#fanfiction#bro i actually wanna cry this is painful wth#i hate the vibe i have stuck in my heart rn#ima just abandon my ocs#i think i jumped the gun when making the one oc#everything i try makes her feel bland af T_T#plus when i think of her design it's in a bland harem anime artsyle instead of something jjba looking#ik it hasnt even been a week since i made her but it just like#isnt clicking at all#ive been stuck with ocs before and this does not feel like its gonna go anywhere#ugggghhhhhh#😭
0 notes
Text
that's it i'm quitting ooooooh i wanna quit so fucking bad
#she bork#they're making me switch positions w the other team lead so i'm losing the inbound team (which i hate bc 1. they hate the other team lead b#he sucks and ik they're going to suffer and 2. EYE built that fucking team from the ground up) and also losing my consistent schedule AND#losing my immunity from closing AND losing my extra $1 an hour for my overnight hours so essentially i'm taking a fucking pay cut!!!!!!!!!!#there are no benefits to this and that's it i have decided i'm fucking quitting this holds nothing beneficial or enjoyable to me anymore. i#applied for a remote writing job already so we'll see if they get back to me i have my fingers CROSSED.#lol yes i only applied to one but i'm hoping that if i only throw one dart at this dartboard it's a bullseye. if not i'll keep looking it'l#just take longer obviously bc i'm not quitting without something else lined up. i'm crazy and restless but i'm not an idiot#forgot to mention that i've known this was coming but i was under the illusion it was taking place mid-january but now have just been told#it starts NEXT WEEK. so the schedule i had for the next two weeks?? now incorrect and wrong. god this is going to make moving once we find a#place (again) so much more difficult bc i missed my chance to request time off for january already but w my old 3:30-11 schedule day in and#day out it would be fine to plan around bc it's consistent. now who fucking knows. not to mention the fucking traffic i'll get stuck in#every day going to and coming from work??? again will make moving more difficult bc that'll probably shave like 1.5-2 hours off my time#outside of work. god this sucks this sucks this sucks i hate it it feels like a punishment (even though my boss told me not to think that bc#he knew i would lol) and idk for what???? i feel like they think i'm inept in my current position and idk why. hate this hate this hate this
1 note
·
View note
Text
Ugh god thanks Lev now I'm tempted to start a cryptic bloodborne blog where I just channel him talking about shit but we aren't doing that again
#I love coming back after he's like ahhhh idk if Dei will be alright with this....#And my brains just like. Oough. I missed this#I enjoyed being the channeller for someone writing fucking weird ass spiritual shit about that game. But like. I fucking.#IT'D BE NICE TO DO IT WITHOUT THE CULT SHIT FROM MY EX LMFAO#Ugh man#Sorry there's more to this like how it feels like this is how I should've been doing it all along - with Lev who decodes things for me#and teaches me through it instead of my ex ''decoding'' it and teaching me bullshit about it#It was fun af and I really enjoyed my years treating BB spiritually or using it as a cipher but I was never allowed to acknowledge it's just#a game it's not that serious#And just because it talks about real shit doesn't mean it's real#Anyway. There's a bitterness that what was written with my hands on this game is stuck under my ex's name bc like#I did so much work to bring that shit over and to learn to channel properly so he could sit and write - I wasn't allowed to write lmfao -#about BB. Anywayyyy#ramblings //
1 note
·
View note