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floralkittygambler · 4 years ago

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HuskerDust - More Toxic Than You Think [LONG]

This is the rough version of a deeper and more complex subject I want to ‘decorate’ with more ‘screencaps’. DISCLAIMER: This is allegedly controversial and led to me getting literal death threats and an ED triggered. Ive about heard a lot of people’s shit on this so dont try it. I’m speaking from personal experiences too - experiences I really fuckin dont wanna be sharin yet they kinda validate my points. I want people to be aware of the damaging image from someone who can speak from experience without attracting dickheads or people twisting things. Again, I aint particularly comfortable sharing this so yeah- Be courteous- TW AHEAD - ALSO LONG ASS READ. DNI STANS OR ANTIS. May tag a few folks, may not. HuskerDust is an extremely popular ship in the community however there’s glaringly obvious flaws in this one-sided relationship that both the fans and even the team fail to see. Neglecting the dangerous real world implications this ship [as well as many others] present to it’s audience - especially the more influenced of the audience, most who are children.

Angel flirts with all the male cast however one who catches his eye the most is Husk. Now I want to point out a few things [of many... obviously]; Angel is instantly starry eyed upon seeing Husk, likewise he actually started off with a ‘Hey~’ instead of something sexual. However he quickly ruins this after Husk tells him to go fuck himself [defined by: “ go fuck yourselfphrase of fuckVULGAR SLANGan exclamation expressing anger or contempt for, or rejection of, someone.” ie, he rejected instantly] by responding with an offer to allow Husk to essentially watch him masterbate. Alongside this, he cradles his face. Husk pulls away and seems to pull a face to express rage/disgust or growling imagery alongside COMPLETELY withdrawing his body away from Angel as Angel stares with goo-goo eyes. Firstly, Angel loves animals - perhaps it’s Husk appearing cute that adds to this, however Im not going to address animal imagery just yet. Secondly, Angel isn’t really portrayed to respect other’s boundaries BUT he does respect... Alastor’s. Al declines the blowjob to which Angel shrugs and doesn’t push this matter any further. With Husk, he’s pretty harshly told to piss off yet he makes quite and explicitly sexual remark, alongside invading his personal space and touching a man clearly disinterested and pulling away. From the initial rejection, it then becomes sexual harassment. I also want to add that Husk comes with [some] perks in his feline form. And if my name didnt make it obvious, I work with and live with cats on a daily. Briefly, I have been educated in how to understand cat’s language in various individual cat as well as how to handle and work with them. Cats are often drawn towards me and Ive been successful with various types of cats. My most recent being a cat I’ve dubbed as Big - Big was abandoned quite young and has lived most his life on the streets [where I live is high in crime and drug rings, so you can imagine how strays are treated] leading to him being extremely fearful and hating people, hissing and fleeing just seeing people. I took time out last summer to finally give befriending him a shot. It’s taken just under a year of hard work and now he visits every day for his mush [wet food] and kisses, responds to his name and runs up to me in delight. Ive even taught him a phrase to signal that I dont want him or the other cat’s to fight [keeps them all safe and aids them becoming acquainted under supervision - something that’s been working surprisingly well]. I apologise in advance as this is not going to be the first instance of this sort of thing but they are relevant. Trying my best to keep it as brief. For Husk, I will be using a mix of cat and human characteristics to break down his reactions. In this first interaction, he turns his body away in a way to suggest caution, wariness and disinterest. In fact, much of his general body language is that of a man deeply closed off from connections - for starters, he folds his arms quick a bit which suggests lack of openness, shutting off and defensiveness *usually*. Likewise, when touched, he slightly jumps and tenses before pulling back in aggression with flattered ears - a sign cats give to display extreme hostility in a situation. It’s NEVER a good thing but then again, neither is crossing someone’s boundaries. It’s even stated that Husk hates Angel’s advances and wishes for nothing to do with him - the same dislike of sexual advances that Al dislikes in Angel. The ending as they all walk inside, Angel turns to Husk, winking and blowing a kiss his way despite the clear rejection earlier. In fact, Husk once again grows tense and is even irked by such a gesture. This won’t be the last mention of Angel totally disregarding how Husk feels - something that rubs off onto the fans AND the team themselves. And it’s... *concerning*, to phrase it lightly. Angel so far is the most persistent towards the most resistant, and in my post on RadioDust I have already established [briefly] on how Angel seems to chase unavailable men. The more unavailable, the more tempting. The one that got away, mentality. It’s not healthy. And I’m surprised so few have acknowledged this. Taking a break from what we’ve seen in the Pilot, let’s establish some facts about the pair. Angel died in 1947 in his 30s [some posts specify 34-35], putting his birth year around 1911-12ish. Husk died in the 70s IN his 70s [again, nothing is truly specified, so for both we’ll go with 75 - the same number in his IG username] that puts birth year roughly 1900′s. Now an age gap between two adults of 11 - 12 years difference is actually reasonable and can work, depending on circumstance and whether theres a balance in power or not. But when we account for their life experiences and death ages, it’s something else entirely. Angel died young. Not only that but his mind seems more stuck in his raunchy teens than of an adult. And even THEN, he wouldnt be one to necessarily settle down [by which I mean in life, not romance]. He’s extremely emotionally stunted and his selfishness and wanting his own way come off very spoilt [when Husk is pissed off about the cat costume, Angel gets moody because he’s used to compliments AND is dressing to impress Husk. When Husk wanted the money he was rightfully owed, Angel threw a fit for ages until starting to earn it back - even though he owed Husk a drink, which I’ll be coming back to, Husk still wanted the money in the end perhaps hinting to only accepting a freebie as it’s on offer as well as Angel being overly persistent. He even dumps his pig onto Husk to look after, while theres no issue in pet sitting, Angel said Husk ‘owed’ him due to missing the show yet when HE owed Husk, he threw a fit.]. Angel’s life style is wildly chaotic in life AND death, and even though we all know he’s most likely going to be redeemed, he still lacks a lot of experiences in life. He lacks maturity. On the other hand, Husk’s been through his own share of chaos and heartbreak. Difference is, he’s had a life time of experience. He doesn’t act immature in a childish sense. He truly behaves like a downtrodden old man. He’s had his days and would feel more secure settling down in a more peaceful environment with fun yet much needed calm. A better way to handle his need for risk. Age gaps in adults that are large [75 - 35 = 40 years!] are far less likely to work for a multitude of reasons. The main reason is the difference in life stages - that difference in mentality and experiences plays such an impacting role on compatibility. Often their goals and energies are polar opposites and their common grounds minimal. There’s also the looming concern of power dynamics. Whilst it’s usually the older figure that’s holds the power advantage, in this case it’s a little bit more complicated. I’d argue that it’s possibly Angel with the higher power. This rarely works irl but it’s POSSIBLE. Look at Hugh Heffner and his last partner before his death. I believe she was around 22. However there’s many common grounds, immediate attraction, and similar goals. Though incorrect, Heffner does give off a pimp-like vibe (he’s not but you get what I’m implying with mothlike imagery). Husk does not strike me as that type. It would definitely cheapen his character. In terms of interests, the main thing they have in common is that they like to drink. A bad habit, especially when one is an alcoholic. Both are also rather lazy except for certain circumstances [Husk will go out of his way to help HOWEVER he’s obliged to under Al, the only one he’s seen to willingly help and bond with/be seen with is Niffty. Angel is when there’s a fight, chaos, drama or any sex work]. Both are also rather snarky and vulgar. In terms of love, both suffer intimacy issues. On Husk, it’s ‘losing the ability to love a long time ago’ meaning he was likely cheated on or at least had a failed relationship. If he was ever ready for a new start, he’d definitely want something stable yet rewarding. For now, he needs a LOT of work - work he is not yet willing to put in, nor does he have a reason to. Angel doesnt want to commit because he’s extremely selfish as well as in an already abusive ‘relationship’ already. Sex work is sometimes VERY taxing on the mental health due to some of the folk you service. He’s seen the worst in many and just enjoys the pay and fuck. IF Husk was cheated on, then it’d make a lot of sense if a sex worker wouldn’t be his flavour, it would just serve as a reminder. Not only this, but Angel HIMSELF actively participates in cheating. Not with Val... but with *Travis*. BOTH know Travis is married (I’d be feckin worried if Trav didnt-) yet they still choose to cheat anyways, regardless of the pain it could cause. Angel even mocks this by sending greetings to Trav’s wife. Honestly this... Reminds me a LOT of Stolas - a main character who sexually harasses another character clearly not interested/comfortable, participates in cheating and we’re supposed to root for them (and before anyone gets offended, I do have more to say on Angel’s behalf so please be patient). Either way, it’s very toxic and concerning. Even if Husk wasn’t cheated on, I dont think many would feel exactly secure after having such a rough past with love, diving into a relationship with someone who’s openly participated in multiple affairs. And that’s no shitting on sex workers either, it’s just a point that some would feel uncomfortable with the idea of being with ANYONE (regardless of their work) having actively and KNOWINGLY took part in having an affair previously - especially multiple. Husk’s in an emotionally fragile place and needs more security. We’ve already established Husk heavily dislikes Angel’s advances. In fact, his responses to Angel are similar to his responses to... Al! His body language is VERY test and closed off to even Al, who’s most likely knew him for a very long time. If even Al gets this treatment (whilst also disrespecting his boundaries) then it’ll be the same with Angel (both force Husk into their lives and schemes, both disregard his boundaries). And he’s shown to STILL go out his way to help both however this is most likely tied to an unspoken ‘debt’ he owes Alastor. Plus he’s been mentioned behind the scenes to be a secret softie and protective grandpa type. But this animosity is very reflective of how Loona behaves and responds to Blitzo as well as how both Loona AND Husk (One being a ‘lowly servant’, the other being a literal old MAN) as pets - even the fans - just because of their forms. But this isnt the first of the disrespect they receive. Now we delve deeper Both are addicts of some kind (Husk - drinking, gambling. Angel - Drugs, possibly sex). Not a good mix at all romantically. Addicts often and unintentionally feed their addictions to each other as well as can increase likelihood of relapsing which even a recovered addict can slip back into. When times get tough (a natural occurrence) both are likely to suffer with their addictions. Interestingly, they can become addicted and dependent on one another, which is genuinely unhealthy for a mindset anyways, regardless whether addiction existed prior or not. Addiction only increases these chances. Angel likes confidence in a man (confirmed on Patreon). Yet, Husk is even confirmed in streams to be deeply troubled and insecure. One thing he hates is his demon form, something that we’ll touch on shortly. Angel loves quality food ESPECIALLY of Italian origin whilst Husk is willing to eat the shit they give you in bars (admittedly that was painful to type as someone who grew up around pubs - either way it’s not exactly high quality or gourmet is what I’m saying). Interestingly, in some character references of Angel, it’s stated that he hates rejection. Hates. That’s a VERY strong word. This could explain but not justify why he’s persistent with Husk (similar to NiceGuys believing you’re playing ‘hard to get’ - further illuding to an immature and toxic mindset) though it interestingly doesn’t apply with Alastor. Odd. There’s a counterpoint to symbolism in art. A very VALID counterarguement... If it suited Viv’s style. During Media Studies, Business, Design and Art, hell fucking Silent Hill! - I’ve been educated on effective symbolism as well as artistic trademarks (the most famous that most should know is Alfred Hitchcock!). Hitchcock often appeared in all his films, usually as a sidefacing silhouette, trading marking his films with his very PRESENCE. Viv’s seems to revolve around hearts. I mention this because an IG account made the point that hearts were to symbolise anyone connected with Angel’s story and love life (Valentino’s business and shades/collar, heart behind Angel’s head, Heart tattoo on Cherri’s right shoulder, hearts for Husk’s paws, eyebrow marks above natural brows, wings, and nose as well as most of the playing cards). Thing is, there’s hearts EVERYWHERE in all of Viv’s works and such symbology of Angel and hearts is weakened if it connects to the villains/abusers as well - taking away the positivity in a love symbol. Viv’s used hearts in her font, backgrounds, in characters ears, in all her series just generalised, Blitzo’s forehead, background characters, again the cards, Travis’s eyes, Millie’s right shoulder in the SAME place as Cherris. Even Vaggie had a heart tattoo on the shoulder in some christmas themed artwork (on her left). Heart’s is just something Viv seems to brand herself with. And that’s fine though I feel she could do with cutting it down slightly. One thing to early note on the cards (again, this’ll creep up later and my name should tell you why), most are heart suits and usually either a face card (J, Q, K), Joker, ace or 2s. Face cards/Jokers for more details close up (look at the signing artwork) and the rest are just easier to animate, though a little bit of a peeve to someone into their cards as well as the massive overuse of red in Hazbin overall. It’s extremely unlikely to be symbolic. If they change it to be so, then it’s... Weakened. As I’ve mentioned earlier, Silent Hill is an example of extremely clever symbolism in more darker media (more so, SH is considered a ‘hell’ of sorts and does feature religious iconography WITHOUT causing offence. A great example of how to portray this type of thing - they even mix humour in if you consider some of the sneaky references, dialogues and odd UFO/dog endings). Discussing Viv’s art further, she drew a gift for her sister (original creator of Husk when he possessed white fur) of Angel playfully dragging a disinterested and annoyed Husk (I believe this was still around the time SpiderMoth was canon). The newish art tends to have Angel putting a holly crown on him or sitting on his knees, Husk seeming too lazy to really do anything about it. Very nonchalant. I also want to include some interesting stream arts here and later to further highlight their bond. A fan asked Viv in a stream to draw them “actually getting along” - this wording implying that the fan is aware of Husk not enjoying Angel’s company. So Viv did, with an extra doodle of Husk being one of the ‘canadian people’ from South Park who sing “Im not your friend”. The art alone shows Husk’s absolute discomfort, even the extra thing Viv added w/o request. As they’re her characters and the fan asked for what they’d look like getting along, to show this discomfort goes to show the dynamic once planned. Husk just isnt a fan of Angel, especially when he’s being sexual and touchy. It can be great for small comedic parts, however both the team AND fans have now crossed this over to really creepy and triggering realms in their ships. It’s creepy and doesnt look good on Angel (who they actively root for) nor the gay community (more on that).

[Yes Ive already pointed out the comedic side of this ^ but it doesnt bode well considering the other points and issues that arise] There’s also a request for drag angel flirting with drunk husk. Personally thats a lil creepy to specify one of the two being intoxicated and thus not able to truly consent. If Angel is willing to flirt with someone in that state, it doesnt mean he would fuck them, but it does feel the fan was thinking that’s the case. In all truth, I think Angel WOULD flirt with those incapable of consent purely to swindle or pickpocket. I’d like to think [and HOPE considering his own abuse by Val] that he’d never take it further. And I hope Viv, the team and the fans see how incredibly creepy that thought is. I’ll give benefit of the doubt though it is still a concern. Either way, Angel appears... Annoyed? Husk is completely turned away and seems incredibly grouchy and confused. This shows yet more rejection on his behalf as well as Angel’s response to being rejected, which highlights his immaturity towards it. Remember, he’s USED TO and EXPECTS everyone to want him (even saying this in the Pilot). Hell, there’s even a Rich Vaggie request where Viv again randomly includes Husk. This time, he’s faced towards her and relaxed, though seems unimpressed and overall disinterested in this type of behaviour. Behaviour and interests of Angel [Celeb status and rich appearance due to Val, despite getting very little of the cut and the vanity, as well as Husk just not giving a shit about this sort of peacock display]. (Also wanted to note in Viv’s #3 stream 1:50:50, Faust makes out that Husk is a ‘dirty, creepy old man’ as well as him constantly threatening violence towards Angel. I dont see him as *creepy* in this context - as it implies perversion that he blatantly lacks fortunately - though it’s very telling of how Husk feels and again shows this toxic relationship).

/Angel’s Type: First off, daddy issues. He has them. Now let’s look at ‘daddy’. Henroin is shorter than Angel, dark fur, grumpy, old, wears only a hat and tie, big brows... Sounds familiar? Ok, look at his brother Arackniss. Similar to Henroin, dark, short, grouchy, bullied by and bullies Angel, is adverse to Angel and overall possess a bad relationship. Ok.... His main client, Travis! Short, dark fur, moody, Only wears hat and tie, drinker (shown in stream as request so take drinking with a pinch), similar face to- Is no one else seeing this trait? Angel seems to go for these shorter than him grouchier men who either want him for sex or hate his presence. Men who are like his dad and brother. All of these guys are far too similar, and we’ve got enough men in suits, bowties and sharp teeth in this show to boot as it is- The psychology of this type of attachment is rooted in a bad familial relationship alongside the subconscious desire to repair or compensate for it. Unknowningly the person will keep seeking out this sort of guy who isnt good for them to fix this internal issue. The resolution is to NOT go for these types. It’s also connected to intimacy fears, by going for those you know arent good for you/right for you/interested in you is often the manifestation of these issues. Pair them with daddy issues and it’s a disaster! There is science to back this up. Valentino is interestingly the opposite yet still toxic issues arise. Why? Because he’s going from one extreme to the other but with the same mindset. Neither of these men or types for MANY reasons are right for him. And visa versa. Seeing a pattern? ~~~~

Angel w Husk? I mentioned before that Husk hates his demon form. If you’re an old man, a gambler, some Vegas bloke and have this grouchier disposition, why the fuck would you want to look like an oversized pet? Exactly. Angel however adores his own aside from the feet. Now I find it strange how the guy we’re rooting for just so happens to like his own form which was intended for punishment. But that’s not todays post. I said earlier that Angel is heavily fixated on Husk’s appearance. Especially the feline aspects (calling him Husky and Kitty - petnames he hates that also treat him again more like a pet than a man -, dressing as a ‘sexy cat’ to appeal to him which can come off as more mockery. This is even backed up by fans who seem to think an old guy’s gonna act like some school girl anime trope?). All of this completely disregards and disrespects Husk’s feelings and perspectives. Something the fans and team take part in actively. Angel - whether you want to hear this or not - is SELFISH. When Husk ‘owed’ him for missing the show (babysitting Fat Nuggets), Husk begrudgingly fulfils this. The second Angel owed Husk for stealing drinks, Angel threw a hissy fit. The silent treatment, going to other bars and posting about it whilst complaining (again focusing on Husk being ‘cute’). Trying to cop out of it by buying Husk a smoothie (though it looked like a date, lets be real, do you REALLY have to bribe someone to date and be around you? No) and even then he still had to owe the money which was more of Husk’s concern. Yes he did in the end and more money than needed, hence the returning of the extra cash, but that is no excuse for the childish behaviour prior. He’s much too accustomed to being adored and pampered and getting his own way that he cant grasp when people arent a fan or willing to pamper him. If they make them a ship, all it does it make Angel completely into a shitty Gary-Stu that everyone loves and pities for his suffering, rather than teach him to grow, earn his redemption and confronting his own toxicity. Let me make this extremely clear: ANGEL DOES NOT DESERVE ABUSE OR RAPE. But when he starts behaving as shitty, he’s hard to root for. Remember, he’s sexually harassing all these guys, with Husk getting the brunt of it. But it’s treated as a joke for them and only taken seriously for Angel. Val abuses all of his employees. He abuses VOX and even THAT was mocked by fans and staff. It’s... It’s frankly gross. In every interaction Husk has with Angel, his body language is closed off, tense, uncomfortable, turned away and hostile - look at the IG. He wont even allow Angel to touch him. Compare this to Niffty, who he’s fine with taking pictures with and letting her hang around and touch him. Body language is relaxed (relaxed shoulders, open body language) and he doesnt look hostile at all. What does Angel do? Always tries to get close to Husk (such as sitting as close as possible during Poker) and forces both his OWN hobbies onto Husk (ones that Husk shows a strong disinterest in) and Husk’s hobbies (Poker). It’s very FORCED and not natural. Going back to immaturity, he blames Husk and his cards for being shit at the game. They’re always bickering, insulting, fighting in the comments but fans only see this as a ‘cute couple fight’ or Husk being ‘tsundere’.Tsundere. An anime trope often used in young characters. Irl tsundere is NOT this dramatised. The tsundere you see in anime, apply that irl and you get the recipe for the most toxic, petty and immature relationship going. You get constant fights, unease, not feeling loved/appreciated, little trust - the list goes on. Plus an old bloke really isnt going to indulge in tsundere traits. It’s childish. After his history with love, I doubt he’d be up for games and messing about. For something meaningful, he’d just want open honesty. Their ‘relationship’ feels like it’s written by horny kids attempting a fanfic after being inspired by 50 shades and twilight (both show toxic relationshiiiiiips~). The worst is that these are adult writers trying to portray some realistic yet sensitive topics. This is just ill fuckin taste. Even the warnings in Helluva’s ‘Horny Demons’ leaves a bad taste when the fans are thinking Stolas is the best dad despite both parents ruining Octavia’s mental health. Despite the next day after that episode aired Stolas starts flirting with Blitzo again on IG. Despite Blitzo being clearly uncomfortable and sexually harassed and even co-herced into sex (VERY UNHEALTHY MESSAGES HERE). Viv herself has been in bad relationships so how the fuck she’s blind to this and even borderline fetishizing this sort of behaviour that everyone seems to play off as ‘Awwww cute tsundere <3 BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS’ is abhorrent. I’ll go into this more later on how this really just... It treats male sexual harassment and assault as a fucking joke- Angel’s constant unwarranted flirting is no different from the freaks on IG that send dick pics to underage kids and random women in their dms and fathom that they’re ‘nice’ and have a ‘chance’. Wanna know the creepiest? The candid photo of Husk on Angel’s wall. Something Husk seems horrified about. It’s fangirlish and teenager like at BEST, and obsessive stalker at worst. He’s NOT respecting Husk’s boundaries or feelings. That’s still up despite Husk’s reaction. He still wore the costume despite Husk’s feelings. Angel’s thinking with his dick and it’s such a fucked up message that everyone seems to support just because ‘its FICTION. Theyre in HELL.Theyre BAD people.’ Yeah? Well look at how that’s effecting and warping reality and perspective. It’s glamourising it. Fetishsizing stalking and making it cute. Yer have celebrity or boyband or whatever youre a fan of pics on your wall. NOT your crush. NOT someone who clearly isnt interested or happy with this. If someone who kept commenting on your pictures “sexy” suddenly had a picture of you on their wall, what would YOU think? How would YOU FEEL? Because myself and my own sisters have been in VERY fucking similar situations and it’s traumatic. His paw is even attempting the lens - Angel is crossing his boundaries and not getting the message that Husk doesnt want this. He’s forcing himself onto Husk. Yknow... VAL forced himself on Angel and it ended up in numerous rapes. Angel hasnt raped Husk, but if he wont take no. If he wont respect boundaries. If he only wants Husk to do what he wants but throws a fit when he owes husk - he’s picking up on Val’s bad habits more and more. How are so few - even the very team creating this - not seeing how disgusting this is? Are we only supposed to give a shit if Angels hurt? If so, the message isnt so much of how despicable Val is but how awful it is to upset Angel. Fans constantly blame Husk for being grumpy, annoyed at or rejecting Angel. Look at this real world implication. Not only that but Angel being gay just reinforces one of the worlds most disgusting and inaccurate stereotype of gay men being sexual predators and forcing men to have sex whether theyre comfortable or not. MOST gay men arent like this, and those who are its just because THEYRE shitty people (Jeffree fucking Starr, but look how people ‘stan’ his fuckin behaviour). Val is rubbing off on Angel as much as fiction has a MASSIVE impact on reality - whether we’re willing to admit it or not. Like Val, hes pushing past boundaries, he’s selfish, hes more into visuals than anything else. It’s one sided, superficial and theres no click. No connection. Be in this situation yourself and seeing this sorta shit becomes second nature to stay alive. Angel even says that most of hells residents are ‘ugly freaks’ yet finds Husk cute. It’s all LOOKS. Who else likes appearances alone? Val. I know this will trigger and upset fans, Ive been told to fucking die and have my ED triggered when I mentioned it before. But accept that all of them have flaws. Everyone irl have flaws. But there’s flaws and then theres a fuckin crime. If Husk was a woman, more people would see the flaw, but even then... Look at many romance movies - not all but many go for opposites attract (science proves this inaccurate irl), stalking, or even sexual harassments and assualts but she falls for him and they end up together. That aint love thats Stockholm with extra steps. Think you’re triggered and upset? Go through this shit - have a history with it happening - and then see some show you love and a comfort character get treated the exact same and everyone JUSTIFIES it, including the team themselves. It’s NOT cute. Part 2 to the previous point: Both do share common interests, but it’s very unhealthy such as excessive drinking, both being addicts and being rather lazy, etc. Otherwise the common ground just isnt good. They’re opposites that really dont compliment each other. (Not a valid point here but I find it interesting how Angel loves aquariums and Husk can fly too). Viv’s writing is mediocre at best (but with glowing potential - a diamond in the rough - hence why it’s so frustrating) but Husk’s writing is the laziest. According to Viv he’s (paraphrased) “easiest to write... doesnt care about anything, almost always grumpy leading to similar reactions to everything”. His voice and alcoholism even has a lot of inspiration from Rick Sanchez. As I said with Angel in the RadioDust post, it’s almost like the addictions are seen as a joke. A running gag is fine if you can play it off well and it’s not about something so serious EVEN MORE SO when the series is about how damaging the addictions are and redemption. Why is this end goal being ignored unless it’s about Angel himself? That’s not just favouritism or bias, that’s also heavily self indulgent and a backwards ass message. Right now, Hazbin and Helluva have this ugly fixation on sex and ships. VIV has a fixation on ‘horny demons’. Her main characters are incredibly sexual bar Al (dont even say Husk, Niffty, Charlie or Vaggie or even loona and Moxxie are even on par with the focus and treatment Val, Angel, Blitz and Stolas are given). It’s very fixated and concerning. Its starting to feel like it’s about to divulge into hentai than a legit series with even a hint of the plot or a message. It reminds me of Family Guy trying to be BoJack. It’s starting to remind me of fucking Sausage Party and the final orgy. Sex and swears makes it inappropriate for kids but that doesnt make it adult or mature, and this is coming from someone who swears more than a fucking sailor whos stubbed his bare pinky toe on a fucking crate corner. Constant swears arent funny or artful in the slightest when it’s over done. It’s just... childish adult humour. We cant be expected to want to root for any of them at this rate- All A24 and other companies are seeing is big cash and easily manipulated child audiences (for easy money). They KNOW it can be better but theyd rather be lazy as they’ll profit big either way. This is going to end up like YanSim and YanDev. Amazing potential, shit writing with a leader too stubborn to accept and act on criticism, seeing it as hate. At this point, Husk isnt a deeply troubled man with vices and interests. He’s just fuck candy and romantic end goal for Angel. To compliment and complete him. Just another accessory to the Angel Show. Vivs sister who made Husk even loves Angel so it’ll only serve to further this already toxic narrative. The ship doesnt look or feel right. There’s too much established now to see the dynamics and favouritism in the creators. Self indulgence. You cant play favourites when you do this sort of thing professionally. The audience can see it and it turns people away. Ask any nonHaz/Helluva fan what they think and it’s... Well, average. Another thing is everyone went full hype on Frozen focusing on something other than romance as a form of love. But then go back to “Ok now everyone reenact the final scenes of Sausage Party” afterwards. Not everything is sex and romance, and it really is starting to feel Viv and the fans are focused on that like Incels focusing on ‘chad’. It’s creepy. Helping with food, telling someone self conscious on their weight that they’re not fat, not taking more money than someone owes, even helping out with a pet - that’s something that a good friend would do. In fact, Husk even laughs at the goofy Angel cutout and it being destroyed. It doesnt instantly equate to wanting to fuck. The fact that the fans and even some of the team seem borderline horny is... Completely destroying this show, it’s message and everything about it. Viv said ships were hardly the focus in her stream but look at it now. Look at what Viv focuses on now. It’s just fanservice shit. Nothing more. Self indulgence shit, look at the team making rape into a fetish or shipping themselves publicly with the characters on the public IGs. It’s like watching children run a business and it’s painful because the entire series is suffering when it could be amazing. Friendship should be more normalised as a valuable type of relationship just as much as love or family are. I’ll also add that Husk adding after the show “Oh fuck... Is this what I missed? Shit.” is ooc like the ‘date’ (that was compensation for stolen drinks, like a tamer version of Blitzo fucking Stolas for the grimoire). It contradicts that he slept it off rather than an attempt at staying awake, as well as calling it a “god damn peepshow” implying a repulsion to the peverse tendencies. The constantly commenting, following and posting Angel related pics makes little sense either from someone who’s blatantly been sexually harassed as well as the clear repulsion of the candid pic on the wall. He outright rejected Angel. What would be realistic are the IGs focusing on learning about the characters, their lives and interests - ALL updating at realistic paces. Old men arent tech savvy usually nor care for social media that much. He’d post drinks, gambling, casinos, life with Niffty and Alastor. Heck maybe a picture of Angel captioned “When will this guy leave me the FUCK alone?”. He even only seems to tag angel, even in the pic that had Charlie and Vaggie [their shared account] or Niffty. Theres a CLEAR bias in the staff room and it’s messy. Look how most the female cast is ignored (Vaggie/Charlie, Velvet who posted a birthday gift to one of the new artists on the merch WHY? Gasu btw, Niffty, Millie only posting twice - heck even Vox and Loona sometimes get neglected. CLEAR. BIAS.) The ships focused on are 1) NOT established canon yet publicly favoured by Viv and the team (Stoliz, HuskerDust, VoxVal - that last pair havent actually got a VA either-), 2) Are TOXIC and theme around abuse or sexual harassment but it’s ‘cute because gae’ - NO. This makes gay people look really bad when they’re not. 3) HD and SL focus on one sided, stalkerish, cop out ‘tsundere’ excused ships to sugar coat the creepiness which only further fuels bigotry, 4) SL has MERCH on it now, so thats also profiting on sexual harassment imagery (again, dont give a shit they arent real - the EFFECTS are. The people who can relate ARE. The people being horridly stereotyped ARE). Thing is, the IGs originally were there to promote ADDICT which started as a fan song anyways despite everyone saying how Viv is stubborn in her ways an uninfluenced by her fans (proof says otherwise) yet shes allowed a fan song to be canon. Theres a focus on forced love for fanservice. The IGs have long outstayed their welcome. The Val account allows glamourisation of the sick shit Val does AND entinses fans to bully as they forget a REAL PERSON runs the fucking account, Val isnt even a scary villain either - hes just a big teen like everyone else - stuck in a teen drama with all this. Pimps are smart. Theyre scary. Theyre masters of manipulati- HOW DO THEY NOT DO THE RESEARCH?! Viv wanted this sense of realism and dealing with sensitive topics in one of the worst executed ways Ive ever seen- It’s toxic. It’s dangerous. These are shit messages and your fans display that when they think all criticism is ‘hAtE’ and actively bully real people w REAL EXPERIENCES. Telling them to ‘stop pls’ does fuck all because you still promote shit messages straight after. Like with Stolas to Blitz in a IG story a day after Ep 2. Classy. Fanservice seems desperate to keep these fans (rather than market correctly... Just like YanDev) and it leads to fans feeling like they have the audacity to steer the series. Poor business with WEAK boundaries. Viv, you lost your series a long time ago. Want it back? LISTEN TO LEGIT CRITICISM. Stop surrounding yourself with yes men. Even my best fucking friend calls me out when Im out of line because a real friend will fucking take the chance of hurting your feelings if it means helping you in the long run and grow. Mick joked about the inside of Husk’s ears matching Angels coat, that the ears are cat’s most sensitive and vulnerable parts. 1) Cats vulnerable part is their tummy - hence why you need their trust first (alternatively yer get the odd cat that has full confidence they cat hurt you a lot faster than you can tickle them - I own one), 2) Its weird that Viv doesnt know this considering how many cats she has - its important to learn the language of those you love to give them your full understanding and a great bond 3) This romanticises sexual harassment more than it already is in the media (remember, theres women out there still murdered for saying no!) as well as reinforces the stereotypes of gay men forcing non-interested men into sex (again, a very toxic and unrealistic trope - a dangerous one thats led to gays being murdered!). And the ears design is unnecessarily overly complex considering those fuckin wings he supports. If the design adds nothing to the character but aesthetic, then it can go on the chopping block. Rules for simple animation. Besides from Angel sharing the same tooth as Val (who knows if that was added after he started working for Val as branding?) you could use this argument to say Pent or Al are soulmates for Angel because of having striped suits, or sharp teeth - no, it was intended as a joke that Viv fueled to irresponsibly because it’s not the first time she’s dodged publicly addressing something (something youll NEED to get used to in a big company), and she’s publicly dodged shit after this too so Im not putting faith in her until she can act professionally as the job requires. Likewise, professionals should consider what and how they joke as they’re presenting an image of a company/business. And people WILL eat that shit up face value regardless. In her stream #2, a fan requests for art of flustered angel and smug husk to fuel their ship. at 2:10:21, she does so. She’s also done this for Baxter x Niffty and Cherri x Tom. As a professional, you really should be avoiding this sort of thing in the name of fanservice. I get it, fanservice = financial gain. But it also results in empty meaning. It’s a shell of what the passion project once was, hence why you make the ENTIRE skeleton before involving others. The team help construct the muscles, tendons and organs. The public - moreso critics and the more experienced in those fields help sew the skin. Then you bring it to life, the fans become like blood. They aid to keep it alive. Even Ash and Mick mention Husk being ‘tsundere’. Im had most my piece about it earlier, however I’ll repeat and add some extras. Tsundere is an exaggerated personality, often used in younger characters. In terms of a relationship, it’s very immature, leads to poor communication and results in a toxic love. Science can back this up as well as the lack of realism. It’s more immature minds/hearts that go to what they interpret as tsundere in hopes of the love life the media portrays. A farce. Y’know what Angel needs? Someone open, honest, open to love and comforting. He doesnt need someone rebuffing and him chasing. It’s nothing more than an immature thrill. Once the love begins, it’s burns out QUICK. It’s far from sustainable or healthy. It’s not what either really need and further show Angel’s fixation on men who subconsciously remind him of his father. It’s not healthy. Another thing is a tsundere actually IS interested but shows it in the most immature and childish means possible. Would a really old bloke actually give a shit to play those sorts of games? No. Not one coming from a place like husk has. It’s painful how lacking in research and experience these people are. Science backs up that opposites solemnly attract also. In fact, they often either repel or only get as far as friendship. Fan and Team Mentality in Brief: Im coming out with my ultimate pet peeve: if you’re going to have one of the MAIN characters be a gambler, do your research. The only background shit is a casino, LOADS of sex references (in Pride? Really?) and drugs. It’s like someone listing what they think is adult and tabboo and naughty. It’s yikes. Cards are almost always aces, 2s or blank. MOST are heart suits (like we need MORE red - we get it, it’s hell. But it’s an immature larvae stage hell). I get 2s and aces being easier to animate, however you have Husks wings, the entire of alastor, angels arms - if youre busting the budget for the menial then bust it to the cards. Theres like ONE spade. The full house isnt a full house (here’s a display of the fans lack of education on the matter as well which serves as a sure sign that they know just as little on any of this as SpindleHorse, they think it’s a sign on him being a card cheat. A card cheat. I aint saying hes not but what I AM saying is poker professionals are some of the most observant people in the world. Especially when money’s involved they’ll ensure youve got your facts right. That wouldnt fly at ALL. But theres more~ fans think Husk spent loaaaads of time staring at angel’s face in the IG poker out of <3 Newsflash. When you play poker you read EVERYONE like a book. Every little twist and twitch of the features. Its not about love. It’s about winning. Its about money. Play enough poker and it’s instinct if you want to actually play decently. Call bluffs. Life aint a fuckin romance.) And playing Poker at a BlackJack table? In a casino? These are all common knowledge and basics if you just research. And this is coming from someone with a history of this. The fans even believed Tipsy Bartender’s ‘Peach Princess Cocktail’ was something Spindlehorse made as a beverage form of Niffty, Angel and even Charlie because of the name. Now, Im not expecting everyone to be a fuckin boozy either, but to not even consider it’s a very real drink does show that many fans are far too young for that 18+ label. Fanart of HD often has Husk being OOC OR being held hostage (often via webs - one even being reblogged by Viv, aint that cute!). Some even have Husk completely intoxicated, which would be rape. Im not sugarcoating it. Because too many are getting the sweet treatment and copying Viv’s ‘dont address and it disappears!’ tactic - A LOT of internet celebs do it. The ship is drawn a lot by the team in the public eye, Viv reblogs it publicly (SL, HD, alongside canon only ships, how curious-). Husk is pan yet doesnt behave as the stereotype. And Id FULLY support this with my fucking SOUL (fun fact: you cant sell a soul. Thats myth to scare people-) if it was done correctly. But the way bisexuals, lesbians, gays and aces are portrayed so stereotypically (even Pan in terms of Val’s sexomania), it’s really REALLY uncomfortly coming across as Husk being pansexual JUST to make him an ‘option’ for Angel. Hell even the hets are given a shite representation. Some art btw has husk tricked into a kiss. Cute, we’re really starting to like blurring consent aint we? Remember, Angel has celeb power in his world. In the real world, he has a following. HE has the power in the ship massively. Hell, fans JUSTIFY Angels behaviour and absolutely rip Husk a new shithole if he fuckin even so as to DARE OPPOSE ANGELS MUCH DESERVED LOVE! - sarcasm because I have to make that shit clear now. Fans dont care about Husks feelings, he wasnt even popular until this ship started to explode. Y’know what would be cool and break stereotypes? An old straight white guy actually accepting his friends sexualities. The pan thing feels really fucking gimicky and exploitive and gross based on the history of all this shit. It feels disingenuine. Representation doesnt come from it just being there. What next? Katie whips on blackface to further show shes a bigoted knobhead whos white and straight? Dont get me wrong, Katie’s an arsehole but theres other means to show this rather than ALL HETS HATE THE BIG GAE. They dont. They really dont. But hey, we’ll show a gay man sexually harass every guy and root for him! NO. Thats fucked up. It makes gays look like the predators theyre not. It’s like the fucking 50s with modern tech - is that the real identity of Vox? Fuckin maybe. WHAT THEY NEED - FUCKING FINALLY, ITS THE END IVE BEEN ON THIS SHIT FOR DAYS WHILST SICK LUCKY ME EH? CAN YER FEEEEEEEL MY TIREDNESS OF FANDOMS AND CREATORS EXCUSING SHITTY THINGS FOR CLOUT, MONEY, FAME AND OTHER DUMB SHIT? IF YOU CANT, THEN WHAT THE FUCK, AND OTHER NEWS: Right. Lets get our main shit. Compatibility between the pair is really low - lower than even the team seems to see. And yer old fart of a Hag here’s gotta use my personal suffering as an example because thats what the cool kids do, right? Their friendship compatibility is high. VERY high. But low for love. HEALTHY love. In terms of convo flow, it only has a river when insults are flying, otherwise Husk actively cuts Angel short or outright annoys him. In reality, someone like Husk would gross out Angel, but the cute cat look can turn that the fuck around - JUST the look. Fans and the team oddly think it’s cute though. Yes, I remember being negged at the bar and thinking “BOY arent my pants flooded like the fuckin planet when the ice caps are melting”. There’s no click. Theres infatuation and lust one sided based on looks. Husk isnt even remotely interested and no means delayed yes apparently. Angel as a rape VICTIM should know better than to blur consent like this. Angel isnt a rapist [for the skim reading raging stans ANGELS NOT A RAPIST, YAAAAAY!] but he sure has a shit grip on when he’s looking like Val when Val forced Angel into a kiss by not accepting rejection. It’s. CREEPY. Its fuckin weird. Husk is literally named after being a shell of his former self, I doubt random sex and forced interest is gonna make him spring to life like bastard Zeberdy from the Magic Pissin Roundabout. Honestly, sexual harassment and addictions are treated the same in this - a joke. A punchline. A gag. Sure makes me fuckin gag. Nah, the more healthier Chaggie relationship (needs work on Charlies damn part - dont let freaky taxidermy men sexually assault your life partner like that) is booooring, lets focus on sexual harassment leading to true love like all the other shitty romcoms shall we? Or sugar coat it with ‘getting to know them better <3′ like Beauty and the Beast. A story, by yours truly: My mom’s mates with this woman. Lets call her M because her name starts with an M. M is just like Angel except slightly older, overweight and disabled - so not everyones cup of tea visually (shes neither here nor there to me imo, not like I hold interest in shaggin her). Like Angel, she fuckin flirts with any ANY man around her. She’ll even touch without consent, rub allllll up and down their backs and bodies, and not leave them alone. She even did this with a few gay men. Shes not a horrible person BUT mom and I are constantly trying to stop her and get through her head how DISGUSTING this treatment is. But nothing gets the message across. Shes ALWAYS talking men and sex and has an on/off fling with this one bloke (dont worry, hes the male M, cheats and does the same as her). Everyone, even women, are uncomfortable with this. Irl it’s desperate and a HUGE repellent. Men are visibly SO uncomfortable. She does it to my father too who is - in case youd forgotten - MARRIED TO HER BEST. FUCKING. FRIEND. My father is not a man of fear (and interestingly, hes one of the real life Huskers I know!) but this woman? *insert Heavy bc why tf not* She scares him. My dad does everything in his damn power to pull away, reject, resist, avoid and cut her off. The only reason hes even nice to her at all is because mom likes her (when M isnt a gross hornbag, shes genuinely a good friend to my mother - much like angel and Cherri). My dad’s strictly banned from insulting her or telling her to fuck off from my mother BECAUSE of her nature with him. Even at her non horny times, he’s even said shes not his flavour. I’ve had numerous accounts like this myself (ask any woman-) but the worst was the guy thinking - THINKING - that Id eventually be his whilst he played up a lot of our similarities up, seemed nice and I actually thought I had a good guy friend (put it this way, Im genuinely scared of men because of guys like this). At this time, there was a character I discovered who looks and behaves SO much like me, and shes married. My simping arse for this fictional BEAUT [Im sorry but Iris is fucking awesome] compared her romantic traits towards Olgerd as something Id do - and this was a STATUS. It wasnt even too him, tagging him, nothing. I was just spamming Iris like the Iris whore I am, and... Yep. Ill be honest and say that God only knows what else I did that made him think I was ready to rip off my clothes and shag him. My post history back then showed Im like this when I find a character I relate to. I also send hearts a lot publicly and to friends to express joy - I get NERVOUS how that’ll be taken now. He tried to pit my ex friend and I against each other for him and even cyberstalked us pretending to be a girl named Raven. My GUT told me this aint no bastard ‘Raven’. The vibes he gave me, and the fact when I kept saying no he took it as a delayed yes (He even said “Ill wait for when youre ready” not “I understand and am happy to still be friends”) gave me literal nightmares of this guy tracking me down and raping me. He’s currently dating that ex friend (I was still willing to be their friend and support them but they said it was hard to keep us separate in her lifes and she didnt want conflict, so I cut it off amicably with her and I fuckin hope he treats her right. I even sensed in my gut she’d like him and he’d like her - even that theyd be good together! But then I found she was 17 and he was 10 years older, that he was cyberstalking and pitting us against each other, that he was secretly an arrogant fuck and that he gives off red flags like her ex’s - but shes passed 18 now and I want to trust her as an adult that she can deal with this. Shes got a good family.) As a kid, Ive been fuckin groped at school in my shitty neighbourhood. One kid even harassed me wanting to know if Id started my periods yet. Hed constantly fondle girls and ‘keg’ them aka yank down their skirts or trousers in public, and 2 years later held a fucking KNIFE to my throat in a classroom with the shittiest substitute teacher, all because I stood up to him (I was not known for my bravery at school so). He was harassing my female friend who suffers from it since as well as her upbringing, bullying her and stealing her stuff. Shes TINY. She was bullied just as bad as I - who was somehow both the school ghost AND pariah somehow- - and I stepped in and told him to cut that shit out before snatching her things back. I told her to ignore the desperate prick. Thats when he took a boxcutter and held it to my throat, threatening me to keep my head down. Now my neighbourhood fucking qualifies as the British ‘hood’ but Id been lucky to avoid this. Ironically, I wondered what this situation would be like a year prior. Im convinced I can fucking foresee bad shit now and with anxiety that aint good. I froze mentally and I just said “Wooow, Im fucking scared- *friends name*, ignore him” and continued my work. I fucking mentally kicked myself for speaking but I genuinely didnt know what to do. Obviously not fucking that. He sat the full TWO HOURS at our table with this knife, jolting forward mockingly and switching who he pointed it at. The knife btw was from that very room as it was graphics and art. Teacher didnt even notice though honestly Ive had an entire class throw shit at me and call me a whore and the teacher in that class looked at me and TURNED AWAY. End of the day, I reported it to my actual graphics teacher when he returned and he told me he’d take this higher up and to get my parents. My home was only 5 minutes away but I had to walk alone when most the students were gone AND through a fucking alleyway. I always walked with my head low but that day I kept it high and tried to look brave because I genuinely thought he was waiting for me. That he was going to rape and kill me because he’s a pervert and Id just discovered a fucking violent one at that. I broke down at my door. Do you know how fuckin hard it is to look your parents who are dealing with two cancer patients and other issues in the eyes and tell them their ‘little girl’ had a knife to her through for standing up for herself? We went back, I described everything and even remember the yellow-orange handle just to get this kid punished? I even wrote an official police statement (well, the written witness account they add to their statement and evidence) and had to speak on mine and my friend’s behalf because she was that shook up. I never even used to speak for myself! He got expelled, but yknow what us jolly folk dealt with? Hearing kids and his mates mumbling about the ‘rat’ and how much of a cunt they were. Teachers and kids praise him for his art skills and even pin them on display EVERYWHERE (one - ONE - was a fucking self portrait and none of the staff seemed to find issue in that) and even an occassion where he came back into the school when he legally wasnt (trespassing). Do you know how hard it is to fucking avoid someone without raising suspicions from everyone around you in a narrow corridor? Im TALL too. I got NO support from this and felt on edge because he could easily sneak into school. I couldnt say shit because his stupid ‘spies’ were about. Just typing this is upsetting enough- I also know a rl Angel who’s like him minus the sexual harassment. She’s... I never used to like her and visa versa but we actually get along really well now, even though she can be creepy and perverse- But she wouldnt be my type either nor I with her. Often we really fuck each other off but we can also bond great. Another incident reminds me of Husk’s candid photo. Ive had people keep my photo despite me saying not to however I had someone SOMEHOW at that school one the fuck up that. There was a cut out from a magazine of a lady who looked like my DOUBLE except she was asian. Now I thought this was cool and it made me feel sorta pretty. This one girl showed everyone and the teacher, pretty much everyone was like “Oh shit that really is you, C!” and it was harmless fun at first. Until I wanted the picture. Again, this woman looked EXACTLY like me. Yet this girl refused and said she wanted to keep it and even carried it around in her pencil case. Yes it wasnt me but due to the similarities, this photo was called me (tbf the fuckin pic got more respect than I did-). This isnt the only creepy instant between me and this girl but the photo reminds me of it. And this tops people keeping photos OF me which happened in primary school. This was me but legal at that time. And asain. It was super fucking neckbeardy the way she treated this photo and stared, often stroking it and looking at me. I just hope she was only trying to scare me. Theres one final instance of a sexual assault but Im just not yet ready to be public about it. 2 here already know. Those are some of my rl experiences and more to come (unfortunately) that show these behaviours in real life. It seems - it comes across - that sexual harassment, MORE SO TOWARDS MEN, is seen as some punchline and not something legitimately horrifying or dangerous. It’s not cute. It’s fucking FAR from it. Ive already mentioned how putting two addicts together can lead to relapsing, dependence on each other in an unhealthy way. And Ive even mentioned what Angel needs in a relationship in the RD post. Luckily for you, I’ll copy and paste it here: “ We need to think about where both are mentally. What benefits would a relationship give both? How would they be good and bad for each other? For Al, aside from his outdated views and being a fucking murderer and narcissist, he actually seems in a good mindspace for a relationship IF he opted to be in one. Angel however has a very immature mindset, likewise is in a phase of life where hes bed hopping. IF he were to be in a relationship, I’d say he needs a male equivalent of Cherri - someone with a similar mindset yet some differences, willing to have fun and in touch with their younger side, down to cuddle, open to share and receive love as well as not afraid to publicly be affectionate with him, someone who sees him as more than just for sex, someone fun, someone who’ll let him embrace his cutesy side publicly without shame - Cherri is younger so maybe someone who’s his age or slightly younger perhaps? I think Angel’s not retirement home ready to settle and needs someone on his level that can cuddle and chill as well as feels free and youthful enough to go wild with him. In one sense, he’s got a teen girl sorta mindset (dont put him with a teen though, it’s fuckin weird-). He needs someone positive and raw, someone to let him be himself as well as someone comfortable to be themselves around him. He has a habit of latching onto unobtainable men (in psychology, this is self sabotaging subconsciously): Travis the client, Val a pimp, Husk (emotionally unavailable and needs HEAVY self work - interestingly far more than Angel - plus he’s still onto his last relationship and an addict to gambling and alcohol), Pent who’s the enemy he was currently fighting (inappropriate timing), Alastor who’s not interested in another but his own needs [selfish, VERY bad for a relationship]. Subconsciously he’s self sabotaging on purpose. There’s many psychology books as well as sources online for this, if you’re interested. Either way, Angel is drawn to men either like his father [who dislike him, shun him, or are otherwise cold, abusive or just blatantly dislike or otherwise dont care about him] or anyone with money to fuel his drug addiction/’debt’ to Val. Going with any of these men isn’t a good idea. Preferably, Angel needs someone who he doesnt immediately crush and obsess over. Someone who he doesnt sexually harass or assault. Someone he can build a connection with quickly that can bud into romance (think how Chaggie started as a friendship which clicked immediately). Maybe even someone he doesn’t expect to fall for but does so anyways. It would be more realistic as Viv wants as well as more healthy. That for once he isnt sex or money craved instantly, thus doesnt sexually harass/assault and is given a proper chance to develop and grow a friendship and love. Someone who isnt an addict. Someone with an on-par mindset where they click. Someone open to love. For any chance of a good relationship, Angel needs to be with anyone BUT who we’ve already seen. There’s too much toxicity that’ll be swept under the rug and justified otherwise. Too much shit to fuel homophobes in terms of gay stereotypes. Even though Ive focused a fair bit on Angel, it’s NOT just about Angel. That’s something fans forget. Some he depends on or someone who depends on him in the long term wont last and will be very dangerous to both. Just because you suffer, you dont then deserve to be rewarded with ‘something nice’. You dont get to have everything youve ever wanted. Giving him any of these blokes [minus Val] gives him a pass. Gives him what he wants. I get Viv loves him but life doesnt work that way. True lasting growth comes from learning that. Acceptance and growth. You dont get everything you want and sometimes thats a GOOD thing. He’s not a spoilt kid who gets everything he asks for, he’s YOUR creation. If you really wanted what your creations deserve then you need to research and be realistic with it. Because hes starting to feel like a shitty Gary-Stu at this rate.” Sorry for that copypaste clusterfuck. Copy paste is not my forte lol Now Husk. Remember Big? Probably not after the info overload, but if you do GREAT. Big needed love, patience, understanding, someone who could help him, someone who understood and respected his boundaries. I spent so much damn time and now he cuddles up and exposes his tummy because I make him feel understood, loved and safe. He NEVER purred or meowed (why would he need to meow when he didnt speak to humans?) but now he does. He lives on the streets of a neighbourhood with rough folk. He used to draw blood and go rabid on my arms. But I was patient and showed him that I understood his reasons but that he was safe with me and had no need to strike out. I never pushed his boundaries let alone doing it multiple times (the rl angel I know is fucking skilled at pushing cat’s boundaries and wonders why they all huddle up to me and avoid her lol). Husk is an unavailable man. Romantic/Sexual love does NOT heal his wounds. But thats the only thought fans and the team have given on his side. He needs love to ‘fix’ him. The WORST reason to get with someone. Theyre not a project and you arent a fucking miracle worker. Treat them as an equal. He needs a good friend. JUST a friend. Like Big, he needs patience, trust, understanding, and extensive help (arguably more intense than Angel’s). He needs to love himself a bit more FIRST. Someone who respects his boundaries INSTANTLY. Someone relatable and similar, open to love not just sex and not as troubled (if they are, they need to handle it way better, healthily and overall be in a good mindspace). Viv can ship whatever the fuck tickles her fancy, but once your passion project becomes public and funded, you have set responsibilities on how to address and handle sensitive issues as well as having to accept criticism. If Husk goes sober in the name of love (ESPECIALLY with the guy not respecting his boundaries and sexually harassing him), then it’s a fucking INSULT to alcoholics. I know a few rl Husks but there’s one that anyone who knows me enough knows the man I hold closest to my heart was an alcoholic and spitting of Husk. That’s why Husk’s character means so much to me. But there’s only 2 here who know a bit more of this man. This is something Id hoped to not share so soon, nor as messy. And Im already getting waterworks because this is FAR from easy. I guess Husk became the very thing *I* needed in order to face this. This man was my grandfather. WAS. I cant even fucking accept that. I was a fucking child. I feel stupid being so open about this over some stupid cartoon but it just shows the real life effects this has on REAL fucking people. This man was old and lonely. Always at the pubs. He taught me card games, card tricks and card magic as well as one of his own sons dealing with a gambling addiction. I feel so fucking stupid crying about this- I dont want to open up but its the only way I feel I can get people to understand my side in all of this. This man was a fucking MESS. A closed off, lonely, grumpy old bastard. He lost his love because of his alcohol addiction and never found love again. Never got over that woman. (Shes still kicking and we’re close - im keeping some things under wraps between them as its not my place). Gave up on life and love. Worked hard at his fixation on cards and puzzles, as well as crass jokes and knowledge. But he was very lazy otherwise. Bitter and angry. And you know what? He was my world. I love this man with every fiber of my being because he was the first person to love and accept me for me. He treated me as an equal and helped me grow as a person. In fact... He was only ever happy around us kids. He had hope again. Protected me. He used to hate gays and blacks and you know what? He taught HIMSELF as to why that was shitty thinking. He taught ME about differences in people and to accept it. He taught me that you dont always have to understand to accept. He taught me poker and... swears admittedly. He was a beautiful soul that was broken inside. He needed to love himself. But you know what actually fucking happened? You know what I watched as a kid? I watched as he smoked until every morning he woke throwing up phlegm just to BREATHE. I watched as sometimes the light in his eyes died and through smoke breaks and early drinking how he’d sometimes slip and show me his pain. And we’d have deep talks about it and the world and everything. How alcohol ruined his life yet he craved it. His scent. I remember arguments I wasnt supposed to overhear and growing up seeing him fucking DIE slowly in a hospital bed. The man he was ended up as a fucking husk. His skin was bloated and purple, he was half machine on how much shit he was hooked up to. How he was barely a man at all. He was dying of cancer and he fucking knew and never told us. His cancer meds gave him horrid hallucinations. And I practically spent most of my time in that hospital because TWO people had cancer. Two stunning people had fucking stupid bastard cancer. He was a fuck up. He was flawed to shit. But seeing glimpses of the real him was a fucking ethereal experience. He made me feel like a PERSON. And all we could do in the end was watch him just die. He WANTED to die and you could see it but hed only eat around us to fake fight out of his own hubris and not wanting to let us down. That year, I watched 2 of the only people who ever gave a shit about me die the most dishonourable deaths God could have gave them. Years prior I watched his son gamble EVERYTHING away - his lover, his house, his everything. Hes a moderate gambler now with a partner who never had a history of any addiction. She helps keep him in line as he helps her. But most nights I fucking dream of this shit. I cant even think about my hero because I fucking weep. I still have nightmares. Im still up thinking how I could have saved him from himself when it’s him who was the only one able to. I have to live my life with those memories and I was just a kid. Im a full woman and Im still haunted by it. Even that year is blasphemy and I fucking hate it. I want to take him in my arms, hold him and tell him he’s enough. That its ok and he can get through this. Anything that reminds me of him, I love because I know the other side. The real side. The side not tethered to vices. When I see people like that, I pray they see themselves like that too and I want to help them see it. Tell them that they can live again. It’s better than fucking decaying in a hospital bed. That when people make this sorta shit into a cute quirk it’s not. And it’s dickheads like me who have actually seen it play in the real world to REAL people they love. They arent a fucking accessory to fix for your own narrative. They arent a fuckin performing monkey. At least with Rick and Morty it’s kinda humorous and never played for some shitty toxic ship to appeal to everyone who’s never had to face that shit themselves. And Im like my old man but with more hope and no addiction. I drink and I gamble but I’ll never let myself get that low. Because I honour him but Im not as fucking saft. I wont allow it even though it’s a fucking battle. Those addictions are in the blood. My family history. Its always been so fucking normal. I’ll never knock someone for an addiction or try to preach them out of it because theres often pain fueling it, but I’d never encourage it or toxic faux cures and stupid romance promises as some bullshit MLM remedy either. I KNOW it’s fiction but I want people to see the real side. I want VIV to see the real side. Id willingly for FREE fucking sing that shit if it meant spreading a good message. Because this is fucking hell. FIXING IT: The ship’s basis is too set in stone now - too familiar to change. Best is to never let it be canon. Because you know what else it teaches? That rOmAnCe cures all. Not therapy. Not rehab. Not any REAL work. Just fuck and date it all away as if it’s that easy. It’s a mockery! I tried to be professional about this but when the media bombards this shit constantly, the has the AUDACITY to play like it’s giving a good message is salt to the wounds. A kiss with a fist. An old man dont care for the petty teen drama that Angel and Cherri (even fuckin Al) thrive on. Want this to send a good message still? Angel hates rejection and thinks everyone wants him. Have Husk reject him. Especially because no one should go out with someone whos sexually harassed them there. Been there, done that got the fuckin tshirt. Have Husk reject Angel the way Gravity Falls has Wendy reject Dipper. It helped Dipper move on and mature, and this is what Angel needs for growth and to be more humble. Husk would be a fucking excellent mentor to Angel, a friend and protector, someone who shows him the ropes like Grunkle Stan like a grandfather figure. To not fall for his mistakes. Husk would be a better expert than any of them plus it balances the power dynamtic. It’s healthy and realistic. Touches the topic with the sensitivity it needs. Not everything needs a ship or romance. Wounds healed that way dont stay healed long. Angel seems more fitting as a son like figure, and he can play that dad like role for him. And if any of the team EVER saw this, fucking take this idea. Its YOURS. FREE. FOREVER. If we wanna play this NDA but still reblog some of the story telling arts and have some of our team indulge in it. I wont sue. Fucking TAKE IT if it means doing this shit right because Spindlehorse have beautifully triggered so many different people and their different traumas to please teenagers sexual fantasies, their own kinks and for a jolly good joke. This is a bastard long read and Ive had to face the traumas again but if good can come from it then I’ll GLADLY dance this duet again. Stans, Antis, dont even TEMPT interaction. You arent brave sending suicide threats behind a screen, youre a coward and a waste of oxygen. I WANT Hazbin and Helluva to succeed. I want Viv and her crew to do well. Trust me, I wouldnt waste my time if I didnt give a shit. Viv is fucking gifted and its being wasted if it’s not at her full potential for the approval of a rabid army of kids and immature adults who dont know any better (stans and antis). I know she would like a good and decent fanbase. Stans and antis arent it. Tagging you folks because it’s long but yall actually helped me have the courage to open my trap to this. Screenshots are coming later though all of what Ive said is easily sourced. But this has been days, Im sick, im tired, ive been upset facing my own traumas. If any tags wanna help then by all means but otherwise. @honesthazbinarchives, @siaesnow (also added age still bc despite the lack of physical aging, theres also the mental aspect and experiences as well as power dynamics side to it, in case youre wondering), @noirellearts, @enchantedchocolatebars, @galemalio (thank you for letting me weep like a bitch), @angel-blitz, @critical-hazbin, @what-the-hazbin, @hazboobhotel, @pineapple-critiques-stuff, @devils-advocutie, SORRY AGAIN FOR BEING A LIL BITCH FOLKS, I feel awkward like my teen years but yeah- fuck it Im old and imma rot soon anyways. If this experience can help then Ill be glad.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin critical #anti huskerdust sorry folks #vivienne medrano #criticism #toxic relationships in fiction #how fiction impacts the real world #yeah im a wimp who cares?#hazbin needs to change for the better #concerned fan #dont be another yandev #dont be another yansim #stans and antis dni #stans and antis will be blocked and reported #hope this gives justice to my hero about the rl effects of addiction #rest easy Kiddas got this #still shitting myself #read more wont work sorry

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confessionsofa-roleplayer · 3 years ago

Note

i was feeling burnout by a ship, but i respect the writing partner too much to not be honest, so i instead gave them a headsup i didnt have a lot of muse for some of our heavier threads and wanted to focus on the others. they appeared to be fine and understanding about it until a few days later they told me they were crying all night over it and having a breakdown, because they were afraid i was going to drop the ship.

on top of them admitting to that breakdown they've been getting really guilt trippy on dash. whenever i am gushing about my other ships, they post things like "oh when will [insert their muse name] be loved" or they will even straight up post that they miss certain events with muse or that they miss when "people gave their muse attention" ???

am i wrong to feel so uncomfortable? i truly love our ship but i do have burnout from it, and this clingy behavior is not helping. more distressing is the fact it's affecting them enough to cause them to have breakdowns is very worrying to me. i kind of want to step away but if simply wanting a break from certain plots was enough to make them cry irl then im scared to think what stepping away would do.

how do i address this?

This is a really tough situation to be in, anon. And no, I don't think you're wrong to feel uncomfortable with how your partner is handling the situation.

First - kudos to you for wanting to do the right thing and communicate openly with this person. I know making that choice isn't always an easy one, and even people you thought would handle things well, don't always manage to do that. But the fact that you're trying is important. If you were my partner, I'd appreciate it beyond words regardless of how things turned out in the end - so thank you for that.

How I would handle your current situation might go a few different ways depending on a lot of different factors:

I might try talking to them again, if I thought they'd listen, but I'm also really wary about trying to tell anyone (even politely) what they should or shouldn't be posting on their blog. I'd also be worried that my own regret over needing to take a break (and their reaction to that choice) might be biasing how I interpret certain posts. I cannot tell you the amount of 'weird coincidences’ regarding posts and their timing I've seen during my stint on tumblr - things that seemed completely connected, but never really were. Anyway, trying to talk again is definitely an option, if you feel comfortable doing that. Just try not to turn the conversation into a ‘threat.’ (“If you don’t stop doing this, I’m not going to want to ship at all anymore,” or anything similar.)

Another option is backlisting their blog for awhile. Give yourself a chance to breath without unfollowing them (and potentially freaking them out even more.) The age-old saying 'out of sight, out of mind' has often worked wonders for me. It gives you a chance to take a break from their posts and just relax for awhile. If they tag those kinds of posts a certain way, you could also try just blacklisting the tag/s they use.

Another possibility (which might not be one you’re willing to do) is to back up a little and offer a little give. I’m really wary about suggesting this because it feels like ‘rewarding bad behavior’ to me, but the situation is yours to handle, and if you like this idea, then that’s your call. Let them pick one of the hiatused threads to pick back up. Just one. And make sure it’s clear that you still might not reply to it as regularly as everything else.

Along similar lines, just because the two of you aren’t doing shippy threads doesn’t mean you can’t still share images / quotes / aesthetic posts / etc. that remind you of the ship or specific threads. Whether you do it privately or via tumblr reblogs - this might be enough to reassure your partner that you still care about the ship, and that it’s still on your mind.

And finally, if/when you feel that - regardless of how much you enjoy the ship/their friendship - continuing to write with them will do you more harm than good, then you need to tell them and step away. Yes, how it might affect them isn't a pleasant thought, but it’s not your job to help control someone else’s emotions. Staying in a situation that no longer makes you happy just to keep someone else happy is rarely healthy. If/when it comes to that, try to be as empathetic as possible when you tell them. Make sure they know this isn’t a choice you’ve made lightly. It’s also important (as gently as possible) to make them aware of how their own choices exacerbated the situation. You don’t want to be, ‘This is all your fault!’ but if they don’t understand why you’re ending things, then they’re more likely to repeat the same mistakes with others.

Okay, I think I’ve exhausted my thoughts on your next possible step. Do our followers have anything they’d like to add, or any other potential actions you think our anon could take?

~ Mod MJ ~

#advice #anonymous #answered

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sombreboy · 5 years ago

Text

Love Maze »2

Previous » Next Series Masterlist ▎ 18+ ▎ pairing: Taehyung x Jungkook ▎ genre: School AU, crack humor, smut, angst, ETL, slow burn, fluff ▎ word count: 11k ▎ ch.warnings: cursing, use of homophobic slurs (censored), internalized homophobia?, mxm smut, fingering, anal, some fluff, some angst, they’re dumb because they're still figuring everything out, mentions of alcoholic father & verbally abusive parents. Do not read this if you’re sensitive to any of these warnings!

When the morning came, Taehyung had to physically force himself out of the comfort of his bed, still not fully awake as he sluggishly dressed himself for practice.

This time around, instead of losing sleep from playing video games all night long, Tae’s racing thoughts were the culprit.

After somehow managing to leave some extra time to spare, Taehyung figured it couldn’t hurt to pack his breakfast— a chocolate chip granola bar, before rushing out of the house and driving off to school. He greeted a couple of his teammates once he got there, exchanging handshakes and friendly pats on the back. Then, when Taehyung was about to pull his sweatshirt over his head, he felt the presence of someone’s stare on his back. He turned around to see who it could be, when— “Namjoon?” “Oh—hey! Uh.. hey.” The latter looked like he’d just shit his pants, eyes set on the ground whilst rubbing his nape. “Hey.” Taehyung’s brows furrowed, “what’s up..?” “Nothing.” The older quickly blurted out, “Just wanted to say hey.” Tae simply blinked once, twice, and three times before slowly nodding his head, utterly confused. Without exchanging another word, Joon got out of there, not baring the awkwardness any longer. However, just as he was making his way towards the door, in came Jungkook. “Kook, hey.” His dimpled smile showed, trying to be subtle when eyeing the boy’s limp. Fuck, Namjoon just wanted to be upfront with it, but he didn’t want to scare either of them away. So, he opted for keeping his mouth shut. It was a challenge, to say the less, “Are you hurting?” Damn, Tae. How rough can you be? Meanwhile, Taehyung was discretely looking at the two of them, wondering what they were talking about.

Jungkook awkwardly smiled at Namjoon, the backpack strap tightly clenched on his shoulder, ''Hey, yeah, uh.. No, I'm fine.''

It was hardly believeable, but Namjoon nodded, eyebrows drawn together in concern still. A few seconds of silence followed before Namjoon spoke once more, ''Are you sure you can play? You say you're fine, but-'', he didnt finish his sentence before Jungkook interrupted him, ''I'm fine, I'm playing.'' He was extremely stubborn, Namjoon knew this. ''You're of no use if you get hurt, Kook, you could just sit on the bench today.'' He was pushing it. ''No.'' Jungkook was determined, now walking past Namjoon instead to get to his locker, throwing his bag on the bench to get changed. His locker was placed just a few steps away from Taehyung's, but he didn't dare to say anything, giving quick glances as he's changing, pressing his lips together in a straight line. He hated that his heart fluttered from the close proximity, and being in this room once more made the memories play back in his head.

Taehyung’s sharp eyes seemed to have a mind of their own, he would steal a quick glance towards Jungkook’s direction when he was sure Kook wasn’t looking, shaking his head when he’d caught himself. A small part of Taehyung wanted to ask Jungkook about how he felt regarding all of.. this. But, that would be extremely unlike him. He’d already done something out of the unexpected, he really didn’t feel like adding another to the list. Even when practice began, Tae would be looking at him, like an idiot deep in thought. Namjoon didn’t fail to catch this. His eyes seemed to always be trained on the two of them. Tae managed to catch him a few times, but Joon would always divert his gaze somewhere else, hoping he didn’t make it too obvious. If there was one thing to know about their captain, is that he was extremely sneaky. So, when he decided they’d be practicing their defense in matches, he knew just who to group together, “Jimin and Hoseok, Daejung and Jin, and..” Joon pondered, “Jungkook and Taehyung!” Hit. Him. On. His. Head. With. A. Bat. Namjoon had to be kidding, why would he place him with Kook out of all people?!

Jungkook's eyes widened, why would Namjoon group them together?! It made no sense. Normally, Joon would do everything in his power to keep them separated to keep the peace. But he couldn't act up on it, he couldn't really complain, because part of him wanted to be close to Tae, but another was so embarrassed, the memories still too fresh in his mind, his body still more sore than he'd like to admit. He ran his hands through his hair, sweat glistening on his forehead as he's catching his breath, glancing over at Taehyung, hesitating as if he's not sure if he's allowed to approach him for this practice. But he had to, it would be weird if he didn't, so he mustered all his courage to walk up to him, still quiet. He was thankful that they were sweaty and hot from the practice, masking the blush creeping on his cheeks.

Well, this was awkward. “You coming, or what?” Taehyung’s deep voice laced with annoyance as he waited for Jungkook to approach him, suddenly wanting to get out of there before the obvious tension engulfed him whole. He didn’t need any futuristic powers to know this was going to be.. something. Even he, himself, was struggling not to bring up the past. Whether it would be pleasing to Jungkook’s ears or not, he didn’t care. He felt like he had to say something. “You look dorky as hell limping around the school, y’know.” Taehyung extended out his arms to make a basket, his voice close to a murmur, not wishing for anyone else to hear, “Uh, um.. did you try the panthenol cream?” Okay, he wouldn’t say anything else. Tae already took it too far trying to intervene in Kook’s personal life.

Jungkook's frown from the limp insult disappeared quickly when Tae murmured his next words. It wasn't surprising, he had to keep the image up, he hated JK. Bullying JK was his thing. But the quiet question was unexpected. Jungkook glanced over with his big doe eyes for a mere second before staring straight at the floor, his bangs bouncing over his eyes, nodding as they walk, his small limp evident, even if he's trying so hard not to. He wanted to speak with him, but now that he could, he was speechless. He had nothing, he wasn't even in the mood to argue, grabbing the basketball to get into position, ''I'll defend, you attack.'' As it should've been, always been. The double meaning behind his subtle words was only readable by the two of them.

Namjoon almost had a tunnel vision on the two of them, barely noticing the other guys practicing. His chin jutted, rubbing it slowly as he was in thought. He wonders what Tae was whispering to the younger.

Although Taehyung could be a bit of an asshole at times; he wasn’t entirely soulless. He had feelings, just like any other human. But, unlike most, Tae would never show it on his face. Maybe the reason he liked ticking Jungkook off so much was because he didn’t know of any other way to garner his undivided attention.. Of course, that could never be it. But even he wasn’t so sure of that. Fuck, why was everything so confusing? With a soft nod of his head, Taehyung kept quiet, doing as Jungkook told without a second thought. By the time they were done, sweat dripped from Tae’s body, gluing some of his fringe onto his forehead. Even though him and Kook barely shared any words, Taehyung found himself missing the silence.. After all, it was better than talking about what took place before, it would’ve just made him feel uneasy and more prone to getting angry. What was even more surprising was that they didn’t even bicker once, that didn’t go unnoticed by anyone. “Good job everyone. See you tomorrow!” Namjoon waved his team off, screwing the cap back on his water bottle before setting it down on the floor, “Are you guys okay? You broke your tradition.” He teased, referring to their usual arguments.

Jungkook tilted his head back, chugging down the entire waterbottle, the muscles on his neck dancing beneath his sweaty skin. He grits his teeth when he swallows, the aching pain in his body even worse now after practice, but trying his best to not show it. His eyes flickered over to Namjoon, an awkward smile pulling on his lips, ''I'm good.''

Namjoon didn't believe it, waiting for the other players to start to leave the practice room before he decides to ask, his eyes scanning the two men with a slight squint, ''Did something happen yesterday?''

Taehyung’s mouth went dry, eyes wide as he looked at Namjoon, “No, why?” The taller shifted on his feet, trying to not let his tone waver as he lied to Joon’s face, “What do you mean? Why are you asking us?” Tae got defensive, crossing his toned arms over his chest, eyes lowered in questioning. He had to remind himself to calm the fuck down. Why was Namjoon interrogating them so much? They didn’t get caught.

Namjoon crossed his arms over his own chest, mirroring Taehyung's stance, ''I can tell when something's up,'' He said, eyes moving over to Jungkook, ''You two were the only ones here last night, and after you left,'' He directed his words back at Tae, ''Jungkook came shortly after, obviously hurt.''

Jungkook was getting anxious, he didn't like this. why did it matter? Sure, maybe Namjoon was worried about them fighting, but today they didnt, and now that was also an issue... ''I already told you, we fought.''

Namjoon clacked his tongue, directing his attention to Taehyung again, ''If that is so, why didn't you today? This is unlike you both. It's been too quiet... You guys can talk to me about anything?''

Taehyung clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, having trouble making sense of the situation, “So.. it’s an issue that we didn’t fight?”, A disbelieving scoff followed soon after, “Joon, you’re making no fucking sense.” Tae was about to walk past Namjoon when the latter opened his mouth, knowing it would make him stop in his tracks, “I found cum on the-!” He lowered his voice, looking around to see if anyone else was left lingering. “I found cum on the ground, okay?” Taehyung swore he felt the previous vigorous beating of his heart stop for a second. “Look, I’m not saying it was you guys,” Joon breathed out, choosing his words carefully, “But if it was.. I’d support you! I’m not against the gays, or anything.”

Jungkooks heart was pounding so hard that it felt like it was about to burst out of his rib cage. How could he have been so fucking dumb? He should’ve cleaned it up. Internally he scolded himself, and his face was completely frozen. He couldn’t even look surprised. His eyes were dead staring at the floor, not even able to look at either of them, and the urge to just run away was rising. Should he? He felt like he was gonna faint any second, he hadn’t eaten, his body was exhausted and aching, and slowly he started to softly rock back and forth as he felt dizzy.

“What the hell?” Taehyung’s face twisted up, internally freaking the fuck out but he hid it well, “Namjoon, it wasn’t us.” He let out a defeated sigh, “It was Seulgi.” Namjoon’s brows pinched together, even more confused than before, “What?” Taehyung was sure that by the time they were excused from their “private” meeting, Joon’s face would be covered with wrinkles from how much he’s frowned in the span of a few minutes. It was amazing, really. “I mean.. I had sex with her.” That wasn’t necessarily a lie. Never in a million years did he think he would be talking about his sex life with Jungkook and Joon present, but here he was. In the midst of it all, Taehyung’s eyes kept on lingering back to Jungkook, noticing how awfully pale he looked. The younger looked like he was about to fall at any minute. “Taehyung, why was there so much cum then?! Did you seriously have sex without protection?” The Captain’s lips parted in surprise, mind wandering to the horrible possibilities of what could happen. Oh yeah, Tae forgot about that minor detail.. “No—I used protection.” He reassured him, “It just.. all fell from the condom.” Can they go now? “Uh, can I go?” Taehyung settled for asking, leaving Namjoon wide eyed before going downstairs to get changed.

Jungkook watched Taehyung leave, this entire conversation was like as if from a terrible teenage movie, and he wishes with his entire being that the world would just open up and swallow him whole. Namjoon's attention shifted to Jungkook, whom looked like he wasn't doing well at all, ''Hey, hey, are you alright?''

Jungkook snapped out of his thoughts, looking Namjoon straight in the eye as if he's seen a ghost, ''Y-yeah, hm, I gotta go,'' He croaked out before hurrying to the lcoker room as well, almost stumbling on the way down

By the time Taehyung wandered into the locker room, almost everyone else had already evacuated. Thankfully. He was way too out of it to partake in a normal conversation, even less force himself to do small talk with a few guys he only interacted with during practice. He took off his Jersey, sweat stains running along the light fabric. Taehyung didn’t know if that was cold sweat, or sweat from the physical exercise.. Either way, it was disgusting. Suddenly, the sound of the door opening caught his attention. In stumbled Jungkook, looking even more out of it than he did.. Shit, he looked horrible. It was concerning.. “Kook,” Tae hesitantly called out his name, rushing over to the younger to take a hold of his forearm, helping him regain his balance so he doesn’t drop to the floor. “Here.” He slowly led him to a nearby bench, “Jungkook, just take a deep breath.” Taehyung sat down next to him, making sure to leave some space between their bodies.

''Thanks..'' Jungkook's voice was breathy, his hands trembling in his lap. He really shouldn't have skipped breakfast, and he definitely shouldn't have participated in practice today. But that's how he is, he focuses on one thing with tunnel vision to occupy his busy mind, and this focus turned out to be working out, as it always is. Jungkook's chest heaved up and down slowly as he took deep breaths, feeling that it does help him gather himself enough to feel grounded. He glances over at Taehyung's feet, not sure if he wants to meet his eyes, still feeling embarrassed and guilty for the big fuck up, he really should've cleared any traces of last night. ''I'm sorry..''

Guessing that Jungkook might’ve been walking around on an empty stomach, Taehyung stood up from his spot on the bench before scavenging around in his backpack, searching for that granola bar he packed this morning, “Here, eat this.” He sat it down on the other’s lap, pushing aside his own hunger. At this moment, Jungkook needed it more than him. They sat together in silence, Taehyung absentmindedly staring down at the ground while listening to the heavy breathing at his side. “It’s whatever.” His voice was nonchalant, though.. was it really? The taller’s jaw tensed, wanting to free the words that hung at the tip of his tongue. He knew he might regret this, but during yesterday’s sleepless night, he thought hard about it, “Next time we’ll just be more careful.” Taehyung’s voice was close to a whisper, feeling tingly from the nerves. Was he really going to do this..? “I just.. I’m not gay, alright? It’s just sex. So, don’t think of it as anything more than that.” There was no sign of emotion on his face, though deep inside, he was a nervous wreck.

Jungkook didn't open the granola bar provided, but simply kept it in his hands as he fiddled with the plastic. He felt so confused right now, being thrown subtle words that could be interpreted as concern and care, to be thrown off a cliff the next as soon as he feels any hope for... whatever the fuck this is. But he gets it, of course Tae wasn't gay. Of course this was just another fuck. But why did feel like it wasn’t? Was it really just him that felt this way? He said the one thing he thought would be appropriate in this situation to save his own skin, to not be left as the one who got made a fool out of for having feelings, ''I'm not.. either.. It's just sex.'' JK wasn't as good of an actor as Taehyung, the expression on his face more sombre than anything. And what if it was just sex, would it still be good enough? He'd still be able to feel him, even if the elder didn't.. feel. Jungkook stood up, hissing at the way his overworked muscles protested, but he forced himself to stand straight. He didn't want to stay around for now, he wanted to leave, have some space to think. He didn't even want to bother changing back to his regular clothing, and slung his backpack over his shoulder.

Taehyung debated on whether he should even bother uttering another word. He said what he had to say, nothing else was itching to be heard. So, with one last look at Jungkook’s direction, Tae’s eyes followed his figure until he was out of sight. Taehyung stayed sitting there, replaying what happened in his head, feeling like he was on the edge of his seat at the cinema, just dying to know what was going to happen next. It’s already been established that they’d be having casual sex. When? Tae didn’t know. Probably whenever they both felt like it, obviously. He’s had sex many times before, just not with a guy. As of yesterday, that statement was no longer true. And shit did that scare him.. Taehyung didn’t really know how to approach it. Smoothly, that is. “Was this a mistake?” He asked himself, leaning down to hide his face in his hands. However the hell this was supposed to work out, Taehyung only hoped he would get a firm grasp of the concept. Soon.

When the last bell of the day rang, Tae was one of the first people to get out of there. With his hands tucked deep into the warmth of his pockets, Taehyung casually squeezed past the crowds of students in the common area, wanting nothing more than to get out of there. After he was in the clear, and had a better view of the outside through the glass, his shoulders slumped in defeat. It was pouring. Or like his mom used to tell him, ‘confetti was falling from the sky.’ Bringing his hood up to his head, Taehyung took it upon him to brace himself when he noticed a familiar person standing by the doors. It was Jungkook. He didn’t look too pleased, and if the older remembered correctly, he didn’t have a car, “Kook.” The taller snuck up behind him, “You planning on walking?”

Jungkook jumped where he was standing when Tae called his name by surprise, turning his body to face his, ''Ah, yeah...'' He turned to look outside once more, a sigh pressing through his lips. How is it that every single time he's daydreaming of Taehyung, he seems to show up one way or the other, ''Also, hm.. thank you for the granola bar.'' He internally scolded himself once more, not sure why he even had to mention that.Taehyung probably didn't even remember giving it to him, however, it did help. Jungkook doesn't have a lot of money, and living by himself was expensive. Food was a necessity, but he'd only eat when deemed entirely necessary, or leech off of the school lunches.

“You’re welcome,” Taehyung let out an airy chuckle, still not fully over the way Jungkook jumped in his spot. So he was easily scared. Noted. “Hey, uh..” He nervously scratched at his nape, “I can give you a ride home, don’t want you slipping on a puddle and falling on your ass..” He smirked at the surprisingly vivid image, part of him finding it amusing. Tae would never admit to that, though; he was afraid of the reaction he might get. He would also never admit to the fact that Jungkook could get scary when angry. “Come on, we gotta hurry.” Taehyung effortlessly pulled off his sweatshirt over his head, wavy hair a mess as some strands effortlessly fell down to his eyes. Holding the gray fabric over the both of them, Tae spared Jungkook a knowing glance before he began making a run for it, making sure the younger could still keep up with him. “Shit!” His voice was nearly muffled by the sound of the heavy rain hitting against the concrete ground, his sweatshirt barely of any use. Without even knowing it, Taehyung had a big grin on his face. Walking as fast as he could, he nearly slipped on the wet grass, catching himself just moments before disaster. The sound of his laughter echoed in the misty air, “Meant to do that.” By now the fabric above their heads was completely damp, but that didn’t seem to faze him.

Jungkook couldn’t help but let a laugh slip out of him as well, Taehyungs laugh was infectious, “Yeah, sure.” As the damp sweatshirt was basically useless, however a comforting feeling swirling within Jungkook as this was giving him this close proximity to the man he’s grown to like even more now, the smile he didn’t know could be so pretty when it was out of genuinely rather than in a mocking sense. As they finally arrived by the car, which by no means was fancy, but functional, Jungkook went to the passenger side after taehyung unlocked it and got into the drivers seat. The mere seconds he was exposed to the rain was enough for his hair to be soaked, stringy curls dangling around the frame of his face. “Fuck, that rain came out of nowhere.” Jungkook breathes out as soon as he slumps down in the passenger seat, shutting the door closed. The sounds of the heavy rain clattering against the car surface was almost soothing to the ears.

“And you were planning on walking,” Taehyung reminded him as he threw his head back against the headrest, not caring that his hair was wet from the rain. “You owe me, you know.” He turned his head to meet Jungkook’s doe eyes, a lazy smile dancing on his lips. He didn’t actually expect anything in return, simply teasing the other like he always did. Not even a second later, Taehyung pulled on the gear shift, looking over his shoulder while using one hand to back out of his parking space. Paying close attention to the directions Jungkook had given him, knowing he tended to get lost a lot of the times, Taehyung drove off. Comfortable silence soon took over them a few moments later, until Taehyung broke it, “How come you don’t have a car?”

Jungkooks eyes continously ended up on Tae's hand gripping onto the steering wheel. It was so close, but so far away, "Huh? Well.. money's been tight." He shrugged, hoping it was enough of an answer. Just like tae, he wasnt the most keen of talking about hardships. He didnt want to come off as weak, showing struggles, especially not in front of Taehyung. Or maybe, he was exactly the one he wanted to open up to. Jungkook smiled vaguely, "I could use the exercise anyway." Not to mention, most of his money goes towards being able to stay in school, with the help of the scholarship hes been working his ass off to keep.

The last thing Taehyung wanted was to come across as noisy, or too invested in Jungkook’s personal life, so a light nod on his end was enough of a response for him. But even so; he was intrigued. The younger was struggling financially..? Tae had a lot of misconceptions about JK, but he would’ve never thought that was one of them. After a few minutes of driving down a route that was foreign to him, listening to the rain hitting down on them harder than ever; Taehyung finally pulled up to a small apartment complex. From the outside, it looked cozy. “We’re here,” His deep voice disrupted the comfortable silence, waiting for Jungkook to get out of the car as he tapped his slender fingers against the steering wheel.

Jungkook was hyper aware of the tapping noise tae was making against the steering wheel, the tapping almost echoing in his head, "Thanks for the ride." He spoke softly, and as soon as he was about to get out of the car, a loud spark of thunder flashed in the sky, the noise startling poor jungkook, he cried out an almost embarrassing sound as he flinched, his hand gripping the door handle hard. How embarrassing... he was terrified of the thunder.

How embarrassing indeed.. If Tae had not seen the raw look of fear in Jungkook’s big eyes, he would’ve hopped on the chance to make fun of him for it. Eyes drawn to the way Kook’s hand desperately gripped onto the door handle, it was made clear it wasn’t as amusing to the latter as it was to him, “Jeon, you need me to protect you from the thunder?” He raised a brow, and even though his tone was teasing, a pinch of seriousness lingered within the small cracks. A tired sigh escaped past his lips before he turning off his car, “So childish..” Taehyung mumbled under his breath, acting like it was a big pain in his ass to even consider spending more time with Jungkook. He would never admit to feeling the complete opposite of that, maybe not while sober. “Come on, don’t just stand there.” Taehyung made his way over to the other’s side, urging him to straighten up before wrapping an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close to his chest.

"Ah, I'm not scared... " his voice came out weak, so he didnt even bother arguing further. His chest felt like it was about to explode with the close proximity of Taehyung pulling him closer.. it was comforting and incredibly impactful, his heart pounding so hard he could hear his heartbeat in his ears. He guided the two of them to the front door, fumbling to fish out the keys from his pocket and unlocking the door. "Uh, it's not much but, welcome." Jungkook gestured in a general manner followed by a shrug as he stepped inside, closing the door behind them. It wasnt big, but it wasnt terribly small either. He had gotten this place after being kicked out by his parents. They had found out about his preferences with males, and his parents were terribly against this.

Taehyung stayed behind Jungkook as he took a look around his place, noticing how he didn’t have much furniture apart from a couch set up against one of the walls in the room. “Nice place.” He exclaimed, leaving his shoes by the entrance and plopping down on the cushions, extending his arms out along the back. It was just as comfortable as it looked. Apart from the lack of decorating, at least in the living room, Taehyung didn’t seem to mind. He wasn’t an interior designer or some shit like that, Kook didn’t need to worry. As far as he knew, it was better of a home than some. After having finishing exploring the unfamiliar room with his eyes, Taehyung looked up at Jungkook, “Are we the only ones here?” He didn’t see another car in the driveway, but Tae figured his parents were off at work.

Jungkook kicked off his shoes and threw his bag on the floor, not really bothered with unpacking it for the moment. He steps into the living room and his eyes fall on how comfortable taehyung already seemed to be. It was odd, really, seeing Tae in his home, in this setting. It felt different than being around him in school, now without the eyes of other people, he seemed more relaxed. The question caught him off guard, but he wasn’t surprised. Not many their age live alone, “Yeah, just us.” He tried to be casual about it, “You want anything to drink?” He wasn’t sure what he had at home, but something should still be in the fridge. He mostly kept various drinks or instant noodles around, “I was gonna grab something anyway..”

“Sure. What do you have?” Taehyung sat up a little straighter, craning his neck to catch a glimpse of Jungkook in the kitchen. This felt.. different, to say the least. Definitely a lot different compared to the atmosphere back home, Tae could never seem to catch a break. Even sitting on the couch like this, so relaxed and at peace— It wasn’t something he did, or felt on a regular basis. Come to think of it.. when was the last time he sat on his own furniture? He was mostly up in his room, not interested in listening to his father’s drunken rambles about how much of a shitty day he had at work. Where was the corny, “How was your day, son?” Or, “What did you learn at school?” Taehyung undoubtedly knew that he would get tired of those questions as time went on, but he would just like to answer once. Was that too much to ask? Pulling him out of his thoughts was the sound of the heavy thunder, and almost instinctively Taehyung’s eyes went to Jungkook. The older had never been frightened by the sound, so it would be rude of him if he didn’t comfort Kook.. Patting the empty spot next to him, Tae reached for the drink in Jungkook’s hand. “Uh, you can sit with me. If you want.” Of course he could, it was his goddamn couch for fucks sake.. “I mean—so you’re less scared, that is..”

Jungkook's heart pounded in his chest, he really fucking hated the thunder. Something about the loud, rumbling noise was triggering to him. It reminded him of the night he was kicked out of home, a terrible thunderstorm screamed in his ears along with his parents, his father screaming at him to 'get the fuck out of here, I have no son!', and 'I dont want a fucking f*g living under my roof!'

Jungkook took a deep breath as he sat down next to Taehyung, handing him the drink. It wasn't anything special, just a juicebox, but it was the tastiest thing he had around, and it was his last one. He settled for a water, since..well, it's free. He was thankful for owning a TV, and it was fairly nice, he'd gotten it for free from a friend that had gotten a new one. Underneath the tv table was a playstation, probably the one thing he owned that was the most valuable to him, the one thing had kept him sane throughout the past year, ''Do you like videogame-es?'' Jungkook looked over at Tae, flinching once more when a spark of thunder flashes outside.

Seeing the way Jungkook’s body trembled in fear at the booming noise, Tae hesitated whether or not to go through with what he had in mind. Biting down on the straw of his Mixed Berry juicebox, anxious for the reaction that was to come, Taehyung scooted closer to Jungkook. “Just lean against me, Kook.” He reassured, making himself more comfortable so the younger could take shelter against his chest. This was nothing. He was just being friendly.. “Video games?” Taehyung’s head perked up at the question, he was a /sucker/ for video games. Spending so much time secluded in his room allowed him to advance in his skills, and it paid off whenever he played against other people. “Whatever game you’re thinking of, I bet I could beat your ass.”, The taller challenged, the corner of his lip inching upwards.

Jungkook quickly grabbed the two controllers that was laying on the floor by their feet, handing one over to Tae, ''You bet, huh?'', He scoffed playfully, the bratty kook that Tae was used to shining through. If there was anything Jungkook was confident in, it was his skills in gaming. Without thinking, he turned on the Playstation remotely with his controller as he leaned onto Taehyung for the comfort he offered, watching the game load. It was a mortal combat type of game, his favourite to play to get any frustrations out. And to beat somebodys spirit down with his combos. Having Tae's comfort and the excitement between them for a simple videogame, almost occupied his mind from any worries. The thunder was there, but it was momentarily forgotten.

Taehyung rolled his eyes at Kook’s scoff, part of him glad that the other had visibly loosened up at the idea of gaming, despite him acting like the brat he knew so well. The older just had to show him who’s boss, that’s all. “You doubting me, Jeon?” He shook his head, taking the familiar controller in his hands and looking down at him, “Let’s make a deal.” Taehyung shifted a little bit on his spot, “If I win, you have to do what I say. And if you win—which, not gonna happen, I have to do whatever you want.” He playfully nudged the other, “Sounds good?”

Jungkook couldn’t help but let his mind wander at the thought, however the result may be, a tight swallow following along with the way he subtly licked his lower lip without knowing, “Deal.” As mentioned, he was confident in his skills, but a part of him kind of wondered what taehyung would make him do if he lost. However, he was way too competitive to not try his best to win. As the match begins, Jungkook starts off well, his combos unmatched, a smile curling on his lips as his eyes as completely fixed on the screen.

Truth be told, Taehyung didn’t know what he’d make Jungkook do once he lost.. It was not up for bargain that Tae would win, his mind just couldn’t grasp on the idea of losing. After all, the term was foreign to him. Taehyung’s fingers pressed repeatedly on the buttons of his controller, the tip of his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration. “Fuck.” He cursed out loud, having had underestimated Jungkook’s moves. Tae wouldn’t give up just yet, though. He still had time to redeem himself. “Take that!” Without him even being fully aware of it, a series of profanities escaped past his lips, which were a hue of red from him biting down on them often. “Goddamn it..!” He wasn’t doing as good as he hoped. “Shit shit shit-“ There was no trace of a smile on Taehyung’s face, sharp eyes glued onto the screen that would sometimes get painted on with blood after their characters’ hits. Sucking in a sharp breath, his fingers moved faster than ever, trying to hang on to the last bit of hope Tae had for himself. And that didn’t do shit. After it was clear that he’d lost the match, Taehyung slumped in the couch with a frown. “That’s never happened before..” He muttered sourly, not believing that Jungkook beat him. Jungkook! “You were just lucky.” God, was he a sore loser when it came to video games. “Whatever,” Tae faced him once again, arms crossed over his chest. “What do you want?”

Jungkook scrunched his nose in a smile as he won, the corners of his eyes creating small wrinkles, a dorky, teethy shit eating grin on his face. It almost reminded you that of a bunny. “Sure, this was pure luck.” He couldn’t get the smile off his face, putting the controller away. Now that it came down to the question, his smile faltered, eyes moving to Taehyungs face. What did he want? Actually, he knew exactly what he wanted, he just wasn’t sure if he dared to ask. “Well...” he hesitated, turning his body to face him. While seeing Taehyung so up close, in this setting, he looked even more gorgeous than ever, and it fucked with every fiber of his being. It wasn’t fair, the way this man had been holding his heart and mind in a vice grip for so long. Tae’s lips were reddened and plump from all the lip biting, and they looked more and more inviting with every passing second, “A kiss.” His voice was quiet, “I mean, a real kiss..” sure, he fucking loved the dirty kisses he’d received from him in the locker room, but it was in the heat of the moment. This one, he wanted to be.... different. Did it make sense? Maybe not. But he wanted it. So he leaned a little closer, his doe eyes still staring at Tae’s lips, “Please..just... once.” Or twice. Or, forever.

Taehyung’s eyebrow twitched, “A kiss?” He repeated, wondering if he heard right the first time. “I..uh,” The taller gulped, rubbing at his nape. It was just a kiss.. What was Tae so afraid of? Hell— he stuck his dick inside of Jungkook before, but somehow this felt more intimate. His dimmed eyes fell on the younger’s soft lips, absentmindedly licking over his own at the enticing sight. Yeah, maybe he wanted this. Breaking the distance between their bodies, Taehyung’s face slowly inched closer to Jungkook’s, teasing him. He stared into his doe eyes, mirroring the look of longing that swirled within them. With one last look at the other’s face, Taehyung’s lips clashed against the younger’s in a sweet kiss, momentarily forgetting about all of his previous doubts. Time seemed to stop when their lips met, but the fluttering only intensified as Tae’s hand snuck down to Jungkook’s thigh, merely resting it there. “Hmm..” The older hummed, his thumb now rubbing invisible circles on the warmth of his skin. When he did pull away to catch his breath, Tae snuck a guilty peak at Jungkook, making sure this wasn’t just a product of his imagination. Then, like he’d never broken the contact in the first place, Taehyung leaned in for another.. and another, and so on until he lost count. The sound of their kissing echoed throughout the empty house, the older’s heavy breathing hitting against Jungkook’s skin. Not being able to stand the extra space between them, Tae’s hands gripped at Jungkook’s small waist, pulling him down on his lap as he man spread.

Jungkook sighed into the kiss, daring his hands to delicately hold Taehyungs face. If he thought his feelings were strong from the locker room scene, he was so wrong. This kiss was it, the last drop. He was hopelessly, head over heels in love with this man. “Tae...” He whispered his name, as if it was the most beautiful word he knew, letting the elder pull him into his lap, his entire body screaming for Taehyungs attention. “More..” He whined, the kisses growing heavier as he melts into Tae’s touch, his hands moving to wrap behind his neck. He wasn’t sure what he wanted more of. Everything. All he knew was, he needed more.

Taehyung was glad to know he wasn’t the only one who craved more. How could he not? Jungkook’s lips felt like heaven.. Before he found himself in this situation, Tae had never poured his heart out during a kiss before, and that fucked with his head. Maybe he just wanted to show off, nothing more. But the growing tent in his pants proved he was subconsciously aware of what he wanted, of how he felt. “Fuck,” He bit down on his lip, tightening his hold on Jungkook’s waist. His boner was becoming more noticeable by the second, and having the younger’s body on top of him wasn’t exactly helping..

Jungkook positioned himself more comfortably, straddled over Taehyungs lap, pressing himself down on his growing erection. “I haven’t been able to fucking think because of you.” Jk breathes out his words like a low, frustrated growl. Completely in a haze of pure, heavy need and lust for the man beneath him. He gazes into those intense, piercing eyes of his. Fuck, he was whipped. Jungkook wraps his arms around the elders neck, pulling him in for another kiss, this one hungrier, greedy for the taste of his lips within his feverish high. He grinds down on Taehyungs cock, still clothed. JK surely found out he likes to tease, knowing Tae’s temper might be good for one thing, their carnal desires.

“Is that so-?” He broke out into a low moan, eyes glued on the way Jungkook’s hips moved so wonderfully against him, giving his erection the attention it so desperately needed. “Fuck..” Taehyung threw his head back against the couch, his Adam’s apple bobbing with every strong gulp. He didn’t know just how much more teasing he could handle before fucking Jungkook right then and there— the cushions splattered with their cum. Shit, Taehyung was getting harder just thinking about it.. He bucks up his hips into Kook, veiny hands now placed on his plump ass, where they squeezed until his knuckles turned white, “Baby, shit..!” The pet name slipped out, and Taehyung was too clouded with lust to notice, or care. Growing bored of their position, Tae hastily flipped Jungkook over, throwing him down onto the couch and began unbuckling his pants, overgrown fringe falling down to his eyes. After discarding the rest of his clothing, only Taehyung’s boxers stayed on. The shape of his cock was evident through the fabric, and his chest softly heaved from adrenaline as he stared down at him. “My turn, princess.” Taehyung leaned down to whisper in Jungkook’s ear, letting his breath linger on his skin for more than a second. Tackling the younger’s shorts, the boy pulled them down along with his underwear, leaving Tae breathless at the sight. Fuck.. when he saw Jungkook’s entrance, he wanted to leave it gaping and puckered just like the first time. It was cute. Deciding he’d be a tease, the older trailed his kisses along his toned inner thighs, close enough where his hole was.

Taehyungs usage of petnames made Jungkook instantly feel smaller, the small amount of brattiness he had washed away. He was so, so easily subdued by this man. In reality, all needed is a simple stare and his legs are weak. So this, is so overwhelmingly amazing... “Ah-!” Jungkook gasps when he’s flipped over so easily, heat spreading like a wildfire underneath his skin. Being exposed like this once more, but this time it was less rushed.. taehyung took a moment to tease, to indulge in the sight of his body. Jungkook exhales a low, breathy sigh at the feeling of Tae’s lips, a small, needy cry caught in his throat, hips wiggling softly to wordlessly ask for more

From his spot in between Jungkook’s legs, Taehyung stared up at him through his eyelashes, his piercing eyes peeking from behind his messy fringe. A hint of a smile crept onto his rosy lips when seeing how the other’s hips called out to him, so needy. The younger was a sucker for his touch, and Tae knew that. “You’re a desperate little baby, aren’t you?” He cooed, chuckling to himself. Fuck, he just wanted to drive Jungkook crazy. Taehyung left yet another trail of wet kisses along the other leg, his hand softly caressing Jungkook’s thigh. When he pulled away, that’s when he brought his attention to Kook’s pink entrance. His fingers were just itching to get a feel. Seeing Jungkook like this.. spread out and a whiny mess, Taehyung couldn’t stop himself from following through with that urge and inserting his middle finger into him, gradually pushing it deeper. “So fuckin’ tight.” He bit down on his lip, noticing the way Kook took his finger in so well.

Another pathetic cry rolls off the youngers lips, nodding desperately, "Fuck-k.. yes, please please--!" He was already beginning to squirm underneath taehyungs ministrations, embarrassment slowly washing away; the need for the elder was too strong, he didnt give a fuck how much of a little bitch he sounded like. "Taehyung--" another whine, this one higher pitched when he feels taes long finger pressing deeper, his ass clenching around him in desperate anticipation; he took a few heavy breaths, doing to relax his tight hole, sweat already forming on his brow. Jungkooks cock pathetically remained untouched, growing harder by every millisecond, small clear beads of precum forming on his swollen, pretty mushroom tip. Fuck, Taehyung was driving him insane so easily, the bet long forgotten, he was all under the elders complete control.

Even if Taehyung hadn’t won the bet, damn was it worth it. Every single second of it. He curled his finger inside of Jungkook, feeling the warmth of the younger’s walls spread all throughout his body. There was not a single inch of him that wasn’t aroused, and hearing Kook’s high-pitched whines only made it worse. Taehyung’s finger now moved in and out of him, taking it out until only his nail was left engulfed, a thin layer of Jungkook’s juices adorning the skin. “So wet already, huh?” The older raised a brow, eyeing the other’s facial expressions before his gaze fell on Jungkook’s cock. It looked like it was about to combust.. Tae couldn’t let that happen. With his other hand, Taehyung’s fingers wrapped around the shaft, tugging at it slightly whilst rubbing the slit with his thumb. “Baby boy..” He smirked, maintaining a steady pace in both of his hands. “You like it when I tease you?” Tae leaned down to get a better view of Jungkook’s face, jerking him off faster than before as his warm breath fanned against his lips, feeling Kook’s chest heave up and down from under him.

Jungkooks breath hitched with a choked sob, his sensitive length finally getting the much needed attention it's been aching for, "I love it-- ah! Oh my fucking goood..." his jaw is slack, hanging open in pleasure, his breath so heavy and loud youd think hes having trouble breathing.. He was so vocal, shameless wanton moans continously pushing through his lips with every thrust of taehyungs finger, his hips starting to twitch and bucking his hips to try to fuck into taes hand, "It feels so good.." he whines, hands reaching to brush taehyungs fringe out of his eyes to look at him, try to show him how fucking much he loves him with his eyes. If only telepathy was a power of his.

Taehyung stared into Kook’s doe eyes, the wet noises of his finger now working even faster than before arose to his ears. The hand that was tightly wrapped around Jungkook’s cock began jerking him off to the beating of his heart; merciless and brisk. A few minutes later, Taehyung put a stop to his hands’ movements all of the sudden, knowing it was bound to earn himself a squeaky whine from the other male underneath him. He couldn’t take it anymore, the erection that was held back in his boxers grew harder to ignore by the second.. In a blink of an eye, Taehyung’s throbbing cock sprung up from its previous hiding spot, some of his own precum visible at the head. Tae forcefully opened Jungkook’s legs even further, wanting to make sure that he had enough room to fuck him good. He was glad that this couch was big enough for the both of them, they would’ve had to take it to the ground if it hadn’t been. Tae would be much too impatient to go to Jungkook’s room, even if it wasn’t that far away. Before having covered his cock with a layer of his saliva to act as a lube, Tae playfully pushed the tip against Jungkook’s hole, rubbing it against the sensitive skin.

Jungkook spread his legs as far as he possibly could to accomodate for Taehyung, his eyes swirling with want. His arms uselessly above his head, a vulnerable position for him, but he didn't feel uncomfortable. He trusted Tae with his body, desperate for him to fuck him dumb. ''S-shit, Tae... please-'' He rested his head against the couch, his sweaty neckmuscles dancing beneath his skin as he tightly swallows, screwing his eyes shut. He was almost brought to the edge before Tae had stopped jerking him off, and slowly it had gone backwards, the need to cum so intensely pulsating in his lower abdomen, ''Fuck me already, I can't stand it..'' His cock was throbbing, the red tip dribbling clear liquid down his length, veins prominent.

If Taehyung wasn’t so eager to hear Jungkook moan out his name, he would’ve taken his time to tease him even further, but even he was growing bored of that. He made himself more comfortable on the couch, manhandling Kook’s body as he pleased, effortlessly pulling him down for his benefit. Taehyung shifted the younger’s leg up a bit for better access and pushed himself in, feeling his thick girth slowly begin to stretch Jungkook out. A low growl escaped past the older’s lips, hands placed on either side of Kook’s head as he hovered over him, inserting himself in his tight ass until he was balls in deep, “Fuck..” The boy hissed, hips beginning to move in a circular motion, toned cheeks clenched every time he would aim deeper inside of Jungkook.

Jungkook's legs were already vibrating, falling apart under Tae's ministrations, a wanton moan escaping his lips as he slowly slipped into bliss. Oh, my /god), he was breaking so easily for this man. His eyes screwed shut, lower lip clamped between his teeth as he muffles a pathetic whine, his hands snaking around Taehyung's torso to touch his back, running his palms over the muscles flexing with every movement

Taehyung’s face falls down to the crook of Jungkook’s neck, sucking on the skin until it was clear that he’d left a mark, proceeding to leave a bundle of hickeys that proved Kook was in /his/ control. In this specific moment, Jungkook belonged to him. Gaining more confidence in himself, Taehyung’s thrusts became more evident, his pace gradually increasing in speed as his heavy balls clashed against Jungkook’s skin repeatedly. “Hm..!” His upper body fell onto the younger, trailing a series of wet kisses from Jungkook’s jaw down to his prominent collarbones, all the while his cock was snapping deeper into him. He didn’t know just how much longer he could last, Kook felt fucking wonderful.. Taehyung’s lips traveled down to Jungkook’s perky nipples, opting for wrapping his toned arms around the younger’s small waist before he engulfed the pink bud into his mouth, his tongue slowly swirling around it. The older’s hips never once faltered in speed, his movements steady all throughout.

Jungkook knew those marks would be something he'd have to worry about tomorrow, but right this second, it didn't fucking matter. He wanted to be marked, claimed as Taehyung's little bitch, he wanted everyone to know he was his. He felt the pooling warmth build in his lower abdomen, his cock leaking juices profusely until it soaked the skin of his lower stomach, the small friction of Taehyung's body against it as he thrusted into him unbearable, ''G-gonna..cum...gonna cum, fuck, harder, please--'' He begged, voice high pitched, tears forming in the corners of his eyes at the intensity of the buildup. The coil inside of him was wound so tight, it felt like it was about to burst at any given second.

Taehyung began pounding into him at an animalistic rhythm, grunts easily leaving past his agape lips as he looked down at his cock sliding in and out of Jungkook, the veiny skin covered in the latter’s juices. The muscles in Taehyung’s arms flexed as he gripped down onto the cushion by Jungkook’s head, keeping himself grounded as his thrusting faltered in roughness, pounding into him lazily. “Fuck! A-ah..” The older broke loose inside of Kook, feeling his cum slush around from within the younger. He pulled out, his glistening mushroom tip coming out with a pop. Taehyung watched his cum drip from out of Jungkook’s puckered entrance onto the cushion, not caring as he worked on regaining his lost breaths, “That was fucking amazing..” A sly smile tugged at the older’s lips, eyes closed as he tilted his head back. Looking back down at Jungkook, Tae leaned into the male’s touch, nuzzling his face against his neck, “I fucked you good, didn’t I?” He breathed into his skin, eyes lightly dimmed.

The very moment he felt Taehyungs cock desperately throb inside of him, his own orgasm hit him like a fucking truck. He whined loudly as he came untouched, soiling the skin of his stomach with a large puddle of cum dribbling down his swollen length. As Tae pulled himself out, his body trembled with sensitivity, satiated at last. As the high of lust slowly ceased, Jungkook was able to catch his breath, instead overwhelmed by other feelings than just pure need. Love? He fucking loves him. He loves the way his sly smile appeared, the way his strained voice still manages to be confident and cocky. Loves the way his body feels against his afterwards, like a warm blanket of security. “Yes,” Jungkook chuckles breathlessly, his hand reaching up to run his fingers through the elders hair. He didn’t want this to ever end. He didn’t want him to leave.

Taehyung’s muscles loosened up at the gentle combing of Jungkook’s fingers through his sweaty hair, sinking deeper into the younger’s warmth, enjoying his touch more than he would’ve liked to admit. “Knew it.” He cockily hummed, his mumbled words muffled by Jungkook’s skin. God, he felt like such a big baby. . Laying limp over Kook’s body, face nuzzled in his neck; it was fucking embarrassing. “Hey, uh..” Taehyung treaded carefully with his words, looking at Jungkook for any sign of emotion in his face. “Will you be fine? ‘Cause of the thundering, I mean..” The older sat up, searching for his discarded clothing on the floor and slipping on his boxers. It was getting late, he should really be heading home..

Jungkook internally protested against the loss of Taehyungs warmth, sitting up straight as he watched him get dressed. No, of course he wouldn’t be fine, but could he even say that? Would he ruin everything? Jungkook winced at the soreness of his body, carefully leaning back against the couch again. “Um... yeah, but..” he struggled to find his words, “Could you help me first? I really... need to clean up.. and my body is... sore.” He cringed at it words, but it’s all he got. An excuse, he technically could do it himself, but if this stalled the fact that taehyung would leave him alone, he was willing to risk the awkward question. Maybe, if he stalled long enough, he’d stay the night..

“Um..” Taehyung scratched at his head, “I mean—yeah, sure. What do you need me to do so you’re less sore..?” A massage? Witch craft? He had no fucking clue. Tae’s never taken time out of his day to care for someone after sex, so, this was a bit new to him. At least the mess on the couch was something he knew how to do.. kind of. Using the fabric of his now somewhat dry sweatshirt, Taehyung wiped at the puddle of cum by Jungkook’s legs, acting like he knew what he was doing when in reality he didn’t know shit about cleaning. “There.” He proudly looked down at the familiar spot, seeming pleased with himself. It was still wet, but at least there was no trace of whitish liquid..

Jungkook presses his lips together in a tight line to prevent himself from smiling so hard, but to no avail as his grin went from ear to ear, “Your shirt is dirty now!” He slowly sat back up again, an attempt to stand up on his wobbly legs. His muscles felt like noodles, but he needed a fucking shower. But he was too exhausted. He was about to bend down to grab his shirt when he hissed in uncomfortable pain, his ass surely not happy with a second stretch within this short timeframe, especially when it’s such a new thing for his body to endure, “Ah fuck...could you hand me my clothes.”

Taehyung didn’t hesitate on reaching for Jungkook’s clothes, handing them over to the younger before eyeing his weak stance worriedly. Shit, was he too harsh? He should really learn to control himself at times.. “So..” Tae awkwardly looked around the place, rocking on his feet. What else should he say? They were done. Wasn’t he supposed to get the hell out of there as soon as it was over? He didn’t want to make Jungkook uncomfortable by lingering around in his house any longer, “Is there anything else you want me to do..?” Tae threw on his shirt and pants, his ‘cum and rain’ sweatshirt hanging by one of his hands.

Jungkook put his clothes back, combing his fingers through his hair to fix the mess. Well, attempt to fix. Fuck, theres so much he wished taehyung would do. Cuddle up in his bed, kiss, absentmindedly rub circles on his back until he fell asleep... But that's was relationship things, and he knew for a fact taehyung did /not/ do relationships. Especially not with a guy. With him. "Hm..." Jungkook seemed to linger longer than he thought on answering this question, feeling anxious. He didnt want to tell him to leave, and he was scared to ask him to stay... "If you're tired, you could stay.." he tried to seem neutral about this, but he was a terrible actor

“What about your parents, though?” Taehyung questioned, unaware of Jungkook’s situation as he spoke. “Are they fine with me staying over..?” The invitation was tempting, Tae couldn’t lie, but something within him told him it wasn’t a good idea. Then again, there was nothing for him to do at his house.. It was basically an abandoned city. He’d most likely spend the rest of the night hidden away in his room, blasting some music whilst listening to the rain tap against his window. Taehyung didn’t want Jungkook to get too comfortable around him, but he guessed one night couldn’t hurt. It wasn’t like he had any other plans. “Yeah. I’ll stay..” Tae nodded his head with a shrug of his shoulders, smiling at Jungkook.

"Just us." Jungkook shrugged back, mirroring the smile, however his smile was quickly turning into a grin, his body seemed to relax after hearing tae say hed stay, as if he didnt know he was so tensed up to begin with. In the midst of his sudden spark of joy, he didn't even consider whether he should've asked if taehyung wanted to use the couch or come to bed with him, just grabbing him by the hand to guide him to his bedroom. He had a big bed, big enough for two people as he loved to be able to spread his body out at night. Part of him kind of wishes it was smaller in a way, giving him another excuse to be closer to the elder. The rain was still pouring down, calming in a sense since the thunder had calmed itself. Jungkook got undressed again, this time keeping his boxers on as he crawled under his blanket, making space for taehyung to join him, "Come here?"

Even though Taehyung’s questions stayed unanswered, the elder didn’t try to fight it. Maybe Jungkook’s parents worked late into the night, that’s all. Either way, it wasn’t his place to be so curious. “Just us.” The taller playfully mimicked Kook, shrugging his shoulders once more. Just them.. there was nothing to be worried about. All they were going to do was sleep together, literally. Before Tae was given the chance to fully register what he had caved in to, he followed after Jungkook without a doubt, staring down at their hands with big eyes. He couldn’t help but notice the difference in size, feeling the tip of his ears warm up, now overruled by an adorable shade of red. As Jungkook got undressed in front of him, Tae’s eyes raked down the younger’s figure, admiring his curves and edges. There was no feeling of lust in his mind, only.. ‘Damn, he’s pretty.’ Taehyung didn’t know how to conclude all of that into a single word. He quickly looked away when Jungkook caught his wandering eyes, bringing a hand up to his nape out of embarrassment. “Hm?” The taller’s head snapped up at the younger’s voice and made his way over to the bed, slipping his shirt over his head, unbuttoning his jeans. Taehyung crawled under the blanket next to him, immediately engulfed by not only the warmth of the thick fabric, but Jungkook’s skin. If he could see himself, Tae would probably bust a laugh. He laid with his hands by his side, body stiff as a board as he stared up at the ceiling, looking like he’d just seen a ghost.

Exhaustion hit jungkook like a crashing tide wave as soon as he laid down, yawning and absentmindedly turning his body to the side, facing taehyung. He pressed his cheek against the elders arm, snaking his arm across his chest in a gentle hold, "Hm,,," he hummed content, already drifting into the limbo between being awake and asleep, unaware of the words slipping past his lips in a quiet, mumbled whisper, "I like this....you.." he nuzzled his cheek closer, his eyebrows drawn together as if hes drifting into a bad dream. "Don't leave..."

The touch of the other boy’s cheek against his skin was enough for Taehyung to melt deeper into his spot, looking at the way Jungkook’s arm was placed across his chest. Why did this feel so.. natural? Kook laid against him like they’ve been doing this for years. Yeah, Taehyung might’ve initially been shitting his pants, but now that he was actually experiencing it, it was nowhere near as bad as his mind made it out to be. Actually, it was quite nice. His body visibly relaxed under the covers, muscles not so stiff. “Hm?” Taehyung furrowed his brows, gazing at a sleepy Jungkook. He couldn’t hear him properly, probably because he was nearly slurring over his words. The sight brought a little smile to Tae’s face. “I won’t leave, Kook.” Taehyung whispered just as quietly, moving his arm to snake them around the younger’s shoulders before pulling him closer, wanting to feel more of his warmth. Tae’s other arm fell on top of Jungkook’s, resting it there while rubbing soothing circles onto his skin.

‘I won’t leave, Kook.’ It was four in the morning, and Taehyung had never been good at keeping his word. At exactly 3:36, he’d woken up in a cold sweat, eyes wide and alert as he tried to make out the details of the unfamiliar room, needless to say it was a challenge in the dark. Then, an incoherent mumble approaching from his side garnered his attention, causing Tae’s shoulders to gradually drop down in relief. He was met by the peaceful expression on Jungkook’s face, deep into his slumber. Fuck, how could’ve he forgotten? Taehyung felt like a fucking idiot. The clock set up on the bedside table now read, 3:39. It was at this time when he’d tried to fall back asleep, forcing his eyes shut no matter how many times they objected. But, they’d find themselves wide open a second later. He let out a sigh, resting a hand over his head as he took another look at the time. 3:45. “Great.” Taehyung let out a quiet curse, knowing not much time had passed by since he’d woken up, but part of him felt like he’s been laying awake for /hours/. Taking another look towards the younger’s direction, Tae’s heart began to recklessly pulsate against his chest. If it was one octave higher, it might’ve actually been enough of a nuisance to wake Jungkook up. Just looking at Kook laying next to him.. this wasn’t part of the plan, it just wasn’t. Last time he remembered, they didn’t agree to sleeping on each other’s bed, or— or holding the other close enough to where you could feel their breath against your skin, or fucking kiss for that matter. They agreed to have sex. That’s it. It was now 3:51. Taehyung was thinking hard about.. everything. Maybe it was a mistake; sleeping over at Jungkook’s. For a straight man, this didn’t feel very heterosexual. 3:53. Taehyung sneakily tried to break free from the other’s hold, gently moving his arm off of his chest. Quietly pulling the blanket off to the side, Tae sat on the edge of the bed, reaching down for his loose clothing. He glanced over at the clock, it was 3:56. After he finished getting dressed, Tae looked down at Jungkook’s sleeping form once more. If he stayed any longer, guilt would’ve eaten up at him. So, after pulling the covers up to Kook’s neck, afraid he might get cold, Taehyung tiptoed his way out of the room. 4:00, He looked down at the screen of his phone, throwing on his shoes. Taehyung would be lying if he said he didn’t hesitate on grasping on the doorknob, but he pushed past that. Without another look, he closed the door from behind him, forgetting about his sweatshirt on the ground. Stepping out into the chilly morning, Tae got into his car before driving home.

Co-writer & creator of header is my lovely @velvetwicebang <3 © sombreboy 2020. Do not repost, edit or translate.

#fic: Love maze #bts smut #bts high school au #taekook fic #taekook smut #vkook smut #bts mxm #taehyung smut #jungkook smut #sombreboy

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pigstepmp3-moved · 4 years ago

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dear duckling

im sorry i didnt get here sooner, duckling. respectively, i was stoned off of my rear. i hope it brings you comfort to know gods and goddesses can still get fucked up.

i also think your final image to your puzzle changes often. thats why sometimes, it's better to end things with someone, and then when you reconnect later, it's electric, and creates something beautiful.

marjorie was a woman i knew for a very short time. i think she knew what i was, even before i did.

her house was made of stones, the same grey as lonely skies, of ivy, deep forest greens with small infiltrating up to the roof, of worn down wood, a deep, dark mahogany color. (i always asked her if she worried about the wood decaying and giving away. she told me that she'd spent too many years worrying about it when she moved there in her early twenties. and eventually, she realized that if the wood wanted to come down and lay against the earth, she would understand, and she'd cross that bridge when she got to it. the explanation felt like honey to a young, naive kid like me. i thought, "miss marjorie could keep this house up by her own will if she wanted to.")

the inside was.. really adorable. when you first walked in, there was a sun room, covered head to toe in flowers and succulents of all kind. almost the entirety of the walls were windows. then you went up a few stairs, into the kitchen that was a bright yellow, the one you associate happiness with, you know? the counters were caramel brown, their tops white with carvings of notes i made. she never got mad though. she knew she would die in that house, and she wanted reminders of me all throughout the house. which, i definitely gave her. the stains from our misadventures of baking in that kitchen, the previously mentioned carvings, and some stickers that i placed wherever i decided to. there were several other rooms i wont get to explaining, really because ive been alive so long and have so many memories that it's all so blurry now. but that entrance is engraved forever.

i knew her for such a short time, in the long run. thats how i cope with her being gone. the earth has been around for the longest, longest time. i met her when i was only a child, i guess she was in her early 60s and she left this earth when she was 97 years old. so i had her in my life for almost 40 years. i like to think of this period as my journey to get back to her. not a waiting game, because it's a waste to wait all of the time. just a journey back to meeting her again. dead does not mean gone.

marjorie was beautiful. her face is a distant memory, but i know she was more than words can describe. and she was gentle. always gentle. and theres something so strong, so powerful, so crass about being that gentle and patient. she was more of a goddess than i ever will be.

now, thats as much as i can manage right now on her. and i want to give you advice. i want to help you where others have failed to. you can ask me questions whenever you need to. for advice, or just about me. reaching out is scary, i understand. ill stop by to share some things every now and then if youd like, you can ask your questions then, if thats better.

ill be here. i promise to help you.

love, marjorie.

thats ok! i missed you a lot today, but im just glad that youre here now. better late than never, yknow? it is nice to know that youve got your human parts too. makes you feel more real and less like a person ive made up in my head to cope yknow?

marjories home, and marjorie herself, sound very wonderful in all aspects of the word. i can tell that she meant a great deal to you and that she continues to mean a lot. it definitely wouldve been very nice to have someone like her in my life when i was young, but i have you in my life now, and im a very firm believer that the length of any sort of relationship, or i guess lack thereof, doesn't make that relationship any less significant, meaningful, and impactful.

youre right about reaching out being scary. i think waiting for you to stop by to share things for me to ask questions feels the safest and most comfortable option to me. i really appreciate that option and i appreciate you being here.

i suppose my biggest question for now is have you ever lost a friend who meant a great deal to you because of your own faults? and whether or not you have, do you have any advice for rectifying that kind of situation in your own head and for attempting to make amends some day? ive been dealing with that kind of situation lately, and theres not many guide books to handling the feelings that come from it. and, if possible, id like to figure out how to get rid of those feelings and try to fix things with that friend, because my biggest regret is hurting her, but im not exactly able to express that to her

#i like the formatting of your asks. it feels like we're writing letters to each other. its nice #eden.txt #anonymous #marjorie tag #long post /

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yoi-secret-valentines2017 · 8 years ago

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a bicycle built for two

for @victoryuriyuri Happy Valentine’s Day! Thanks for getting me into this adorable ship :)

by Edgedancer (@radiantmists)

***

Leo <3: i think im crying Me: me too Leo <3: that was the most beautiful thing ive ever seen Me: i didnt think victor could get better but that was Me: oh my god Leo <3: and just think, youve touched his underwear Me: oh my god Leo <3: i guess yuuri really changed him Me: just as much as he changed Yuuri Me: four continents is going to be amazing Me: i can’t wait Leo <3: yeah! Leo <3: its a shame that its on valentine’s day though… Leo <3: the lasu here has a bunch of really fun-looking events planned! Leo <3: maybe we can do something, though i don’t know how i’d plan anything in korea.

Guang Hong Ji, in that moment, experiences what feels like a divine revelation. He knows with perfect, stunning clarity that February 14th will be the day he confesses to the love of his life.

Me: I’ll take care of everything.

This is not, in fact, the first time he’s experienced such perfect clarity. It’s the third.

The first had been when he was seven. He had turned on the TV, and there it had been: the costumes, the blades, the music and the ice. It is the first truly vivid memory he has of his childhood: sometimes Guang Hong recalls brief glimpses of existence before, but more often he feels as though his life began in that instant.

He had demanded ice skating lessons the next day. His parents had first been innocently obliging, then glad he had found a passion, then dawningly awed at his dedication. Three months later, when he asked for tickets to the national championships for his eighth birthday, they had sat him down and asked him if he wanted private lessons.

Guang Hong had seized the opportunity, had kept working towards the goal that shone in his mind since then. He had entered the junior international circuit at fourteen, and only the sensational talent of Yuri Plisetsky had overshadowed his own. When Guang Hong had been offered a place at off-season camps in Canada and the United States, he’d said yes without a second thought; the path to the vision that had become the center of his life had seemed clearer than ever.

In America, he’d found many things: that many internationally competitive skaters his age couldn’t yet land a triple axel, the glory of SNS, his own sexuality, friends, the mysterious draw of McDonald’s chicken nuggets, and Leo.

The crush had come first; he’d been enthralled with Leo, making his senior debut at seventeen and already being credited for his own choreography. He’d been the coolest thing on ice skates, completely original and true to his own vision.

But the celebrity crush had given way to friendship soon enough, because Leo was also the nicest thing on two legs, helping Guang Hong navigate a new country and effortlessly integrating him into the complex social circle that was the international skating community.

One day, about six months ago, Guang Hong had come upon Leo chewing on a pencil, one earbud in and staring at a notebook filled with choreography notes.

Leo had seen him and smiled, not too wide but warm as the California sun, and offered Guang Hong the other earbud.

“Can’t you just see the program unfolding?” he’d asked. “It’s like everything was already there, inside me, and this song just pulled it out.” He saw Guang Hong’s expression and seemed to shrink slightly. “Is that weird?”

Guang Hong had barely been able to shake his head, because his whole mind was caught up in Leo’s excitement, Leo’s vision, Leo. And stunningly clear like a miracle, like it had been inside him all the time and just waiting to come out, he’d thought: I’m going to keep you forever.

That’s really the core of it; Guang Hong, once he knows what he wants, plays for keeps. He doesn’t do anything by halves. Case in point: the confession.

It takes less than ten minutes for his plans to start spilling out of his brain onto paper. He already knows Leo’s flight number; luckily, Guang Hong will be arriving first. Equally lucky, the time zones will work out so that both of them will still be wide awake that night.

Guang Hong plans out every detail, plots a thousand tiny ways to make this the best night Leo has ever had. Though he decides to save some of them for the eventual proposal, by the time he has to get to sleep or risk missing practice, he has envisioned essentially the perfect first date.

The next day, he has to start making that vision a reality.

There are hundreds of restaurants in Gangneung that are rated above four and a half stars on Yelp. There is a flower shop in the airport with mediocre reviews and about thirty in the surrounding area that are much better. Guang Hong finds himself squinting at fuzzy pictures of bicycle rental shops and wondering whether they would have the right color by the time he got there.

At that point, Guang Hong realizes he could probably use some help.

He opens his phone and enlists the greatest ally of all skaters in love.

Me: I’m confessing to Leo at 4C on Valentine’s Day. Phichit: !!! Phichit: Congratulations! Me: do you want to help? Phichit: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Phichit: ofc! Me: so here’s the plan Me: [image sent] Me: [image sent] Me: [image sent] Phichit: O.O Phichit: one second

Guang Hong realizes rather suddenly that this plan is kind of– well, Phichit probably thinks he’s a total weirdo now…

phichu has invited you to a new group chat: V-Day!!!

You joined the chat K-Yuuri joined the chat

K-Yuuri: what is this about, phichit?

v-nikiforov joined the chat

You: oh my god v-nikiforov: not quite! but thank you! K-Yuuri: victor are you even serious You: phichit who did you invite phichu: everyone whose handle i know and whos gonna be at 4C K-Yuuri: jj’s not here You: please tell me you didnt invite him phichu: ok ill rephrase phichu: everyone i trust not to be a complete jerk is here K-Yuuri: neither is seung-gil. i thought you liked him phichu: hes just slow shhhh phichu: anyway heres the deal phichu: as we all know guang hong is adorably in love with leo v-nikiforov: we do???? K-Yuuri: … phichu: … K-Yuuri: i love you but you’re an idiot You: i mean to be fair he spent about 30% of his time with us blackout drunk v-nikiforov: hey! so mean :( You: and you two have known us for years v-nikiforov: oh and i love you too yuuri! phichu: that adorable dorkery aside phichu: despite the fact that everyone also knows leo loves him back phichu: they are not yet together K-Yuuri: still???? phichu: ikr? phichu: but phichu: guang hong has decided to fix this phichu: [image sent] phichu: [image sent] phichu: [image sent] K-Yuuri: O.O phichu: thats what i said v-nikiforov: guang hong You: uh… yes?

Guang Hong squeezes his teddy bear and feels a terrible sense of dread. He’d planned all this out thinking that Leo, Leo with his artist’s soul, deserved something wonderful, but Victor Nikiforov, the most dramatic being on planet Earth, thinks it’s too saccharine…

v-nikiforov: this is the second most beautiful thing ive ever seen v-nikiforov: please let me help You: whats the first? phichu: hes gonna say yuuri v-nikiforov: yuuri v-nikiforov: how do you type so fast K-Yuuri: ANYWAY id like to help too if you need it You: thanks guys K-Yuuri: but we really need someone who knows the city to help K-Yuuri: even just knowing the language for reservations and stuff would be nice phichu: you’re right phichu: thankfully i have an ace up my sleeve

s-g-lee joined the chat

s-g-lee: what is this phichu: how is your timing so perfect phichu: anyway scroll up phichu: you train in gangneung right

***

Guang Hong sat in the cafe and watched Leo eat the last piece of the cake they’d shared with a quiet sense of satisfaction.

He had met Leo at the airport gate, flowers in hand. Phichit had taken Leo’s bags and walked off with his coach, the two of them giggling like schoolgirls.

Leo and Guang Hong had caught up as they wound their way out of the airport to the road. Though they’d been messaging each other all the time they’d been apart, there was something different about walking next to each other, matching their strides and bumping elbows affectionately.

When Guang Hong had begun steering them toward the bike rental, Leo had perked up before looking at the flowers still in his hands in worry. Guang Hong had smiled and told him to wait outside, before returning with a old-style tandem bicycle, complete with front basket.

They’d made their way through the streets, reveling in the cheerful, bustling atmosphere. Leo had pointed out a little cart in one of the market squares, and they had stopped to eat, Guang Hong laughing at Leo’s wide-eyed reaction to biting into a pepper, Leo wiping a crumb from his cheek. It’s incredible how Guang Hong can plan everything and think it’s perfect, and then Leo comes along with his spontaneous grace and somehow makes it a thousand times better.

Eventually, they’d reached the café Seung-gil had recommended. Leo thankfully hadn’t looked too closely at the couple that walked out as they walked in and so had missed Victor’s conspiratory wink before Yuuri had dragged him away.

Leo had squeezed his hand– when had he taken it?– as they entered and were led to a table by the window, their favorite songs beginning to filter softly through the room.

And now here they are, looking at each other over a pink candle and a red rose, and so Guang Hong finally says what’s been hanging in the air this whole time, artless and simple: “I love you.”

On Leo’s face there’s no hint of surprise, and Guang Hong thinks that this is why they were meant for each other: their worlds are made of simple truths: this is how it is, this is how I feel, this is how it will be.

Leo smiles, takes his hand. “I know.”

Then he laughs as Nat King Cole’s light tones rise through the air, but without letting go of Guang Hong’s hand he sings along with the chorus– all for the love of you– and his voice is sweet and perfectly, divinely clear.

#yoi secret valentines #writing #submission

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caredogstips · 7 years ago

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Isabella Rossellini:’ There is no work between 45 and 60 – you’re in limbo’

At 43, Isabella Rossellini was sacked as the appearance of Lancme. Now, 20 years on, shes been rehired. She talks movies, her father, Ingrid Bergman, and her rollercoaster life

In 1996, when Isabella Rossellini was about to turn 44, she was sacked. After 14 years as the look and spokesperson of Lancme cosmetics, she was told in no uncertain terms that she was past it. Beauty advertising was about the reverie, executives told her , not the coarse actuality, and women dreamed about being young; the actors face would soon become an undesirable remember of the ageing process. And so, despite Rossellinis insistence that eternal youth was neither her daydream nor that of any woman she knew( she replies she told Lancme that the new reverie was to be independent, to be strong, to insist yourself ), she was replaced, preferably humiliatingly, by the very similar-looking Juliette Binoche dark whisker, pale skin, full cheeks, high-pitched cheekbones only 12 years her junior. Heartbroken at future prospects of losing her task, her central generator of income and two seconds family of colleagues, the mother of two expected a elderly executive what she was supposed to do next. He alleged, Rossellini withdraws, I am not your wet nurse.

It was pretty rough , without doubt, it was difficult to, she announces now, as we sit in a grand, flower-filled area at the site of the violation, Lancmes HQ in Paris, where, at 64, Isabella Rossellini is all smiles and once again the ace entertainment. My daughter was 10 and my son was one, and I was a single mum. I announced and was depressed, and I worried financially. As a fortysomething single father of two myself, I tell her I can well dream. What Im struggling to understand is how, when Lancme called her simply eight months ago to ask her to return to the bend, Rossellini didnt suggest they jostle their mascara up their derriere and construction it.

She is unfathomably magnanimous. There was that sense, when a sidekick wants to know why I was going back, she agrees. I said, Because Im flattered, Im exceedingly touched, I miss them. Its very personal, but I dont know whether Im being forgiving. Rossellini says the company from which she was expelled is now most varied. When I was here 20 years ago, the secretaries were women and the bosses were husbands. The manufacture was one of men forming commodities on the understanding that makeup was for seduction, she says. But I employ makeup on even if I go out with my sister there is a pleasure in the gesticulate. I was not understood.

Significantly, the labels CEO is now a woman, Franoise Lehmann, and it was she who obliged the most recent ask. Having propelled expeditions fronted by Penlope Cruz and Lupita Nyongo, she felt it was high time Lancme celebrated older age, more. As Rossellini justifies, Last year , Lancme turned 80, and we were thinking, what was life like for women 80 years ago? They couldnt vote or own their own apartment its stunning. We wanted to reflect the liberation of the status of women that has been so strong in our century.

Ingrid Bergman and Roberto Rossellini with Ingrid, Roberto Jr, Isabella and Renzo in 1953. Image: Rex

Having been born into scandal, Rossellini had ensure her “mothers ” drop-off contaminate of sexism and double touchstones. Ingrid Bergman met the administrator Roberto Rossellini on the make of Stromboli, fallen in love and contributed birth to his son while still married to her Swedish spouse, Petter Lindstrom the parent of Isabellas eldest sister, Pia. Despite a profession as an Oscar and Tony award-winning performer, and perhaps because of her likenes as a modest, elegant manifestation of womanhood( Bergman had just played Joan Of Arc ), her success was eclipsed by her adultery. In March 1950, in the wake of the circumstance and her precede wedlock to Rossellini, Bergman was denounced on the flooring of US Congress by Senator Edwin C Johnson as a atrocious lesson of womanhood and a potent force for cruelty; she was, he suggested, an debate that actors should undergo background checks before being employed to entertain Americans. Despite Johnsons belief that out of Ingrid Bergmans ashes will grow a better Hollywood, the proposed bill substantiated futile, but the arguing marred her vocation and family life. Bergman temporarily lost custody of Pia and retreated to the more forgiving European film industry. She and Rossellini later divorced, sharing joint detention of “their childrens”, Roberto Junior, four-year-old Isabella and her non-identical twin sister Ingrid( an academic who educates Italian literature ).

Bergman remarried, but Rossellinis childhood persisted involved. She and her siblings lived between New York, Paris and Rome, remain in hotels and accommodations with a nanny, her parents and step-parents taking it in turns to drop in and spend time with their seven collective juveniles, who were understandably close( Rossellinis trademark chipped tooth arose when her 12 -year-old brother hurled phone calls at her look. Bergman announced for three days, but Isabella decided to keep it ).

With her baby, Ingrid Bergman. Picture: Rex Shutterstock

Before contacting her teens, Rossellini spent six months bedridden and two years in a body cast to correct scoliosis, or curvature of the backbone. She had no intention of following her father into the film industry. I come from a generation of women where, though my mother was a far-famed actress and had a big career, we always presupposed in the family that she was gifted with a tremendous flair so she was an exception, a freak. The other women in their own families might work, they are likely not work but, the majority of members of all, you are a good baby and you marry.

She was, nonetheless, assessed to be financially self-sufficient from a young age. Her father-god, sarcastic of coin and commercialism, had died with merely $200 in his bank account, while Bergman had entrusted her own financial affairs to controllers and been repeatedly burnt. My mom never operated her fund. It was frightening for that generation. Women[ in their own families] ever gave it to the men to take care of. I did say to my mum that I was going to take control of my own fund. I had visualized what happened if you dont.

At 25, while working as a television reporter, Rossellini was sent to interview Martin Scorsese, who was promoting his cinema New York, New York. They hit it off, inaugurated dating and got married. The resulting revelation have all contributed to pattern presents, and very soon Rossellini was working with photographers such as Richard Avedon and Bruce Weber, and appearing on the report of Vogue,( much, she has said, to Scorseses hassle ).

With then husband Martin Scorsese in 1981 in New York. Photograph: Getty Images

Despite this relatively late start in modelling( I didnt know prototypes were 14, Rossellini once announced ), Lancmes contract made her the highest-paid simulation in “the worlds” when it came in 1982. In an sarcastic event of record repeating itself, the contract contained a decency rider( much like the contracts of the 1950 s Hollywood studio system ); this was soon quite scuppered when Rossellini became pregnant by a modelling colleague while segregated from, though still technically married to, Scorsese. Later, she would appear as a drag tycoon in Madonnas 1992 Sex volume, to the fear of Lancme, who worried that beings would think she was gay.

Given the pious moral imposed on her and her mom, I wonder if Rossellini ever reflects on how much weve changed. I have a feeling that its went worse, she articulates. My parents paid a bigger price, but the latter are unique. Nowadays, theres paparazzi everywhere. Its likewise the organised fame thought the red carpet has become a undertaking. Sometimes we insure the actors, and we know their reputations, but not necessarily the cinemas they were in. Its not exceedingly petitioning to me, because I dont been in love do red carpet. Its like a charm contender, and I think everyone appears awkward about it. A mas of performers are very shy parties. There are a few who love public attention, but theyre a minority; I guess performers like to act, and they like storytelling.

Rossellini has often said she opts pattern to action, which minimise her great aptitudes. She tells me simulating “ve given me” the confidence to act. Both my parents were very famous, so I was reluctant, but simulating gave me the be thought that I could dare. Her iconic act in Blue Velvet, as the bereft mother and lounge singer accepting shocking abuse at the mitts of Dennis Hoppers Frank Booth, prevailed her an Independent Spirit award in 1986. Director David Lynch originally missed Helen Mirren for the character, but Rossellini urged him to cause her a chance; the pair went on to become a duet for six years.

With Kyle MacLachlan in Blue Velvet. Photo: Rex

Wild At Heart, her next campaign with Lynch, won the 1990 Palme dOr at Cannes and, ironically, just a year before leaving Lancme molted starred in the critically acclaimed camp-fest Death Becomes Her, in which Rossellinis character sells the secret of eternal youth to desperate ageing housewives in Hollywood. I wonder if, given that role, and the sacking from Lancme soon afterwards, she herself became insecure about her advancing years?

Rossellini cheerfully contends she made a clear distinction between her professional and personal life: When youre young, there is so much pressure, because you work, you need money. As you grow older, the focus becomes clearer and clearer, if you like. Nothing ever talks about that, how wonderful it is to grow older. They ever talk about wrinkles, but ageing is interesting, wrinkles or no wrinkles.

Despite implicit pressings within the movie and beautiful industries, she has repelled reconstructive surgery( as someone with an acute radar for even discreet undertaking, Id stake my reputation on her illusion being wholly without involvement from either needle or knife ). In 2012, Rossellini took part in the documentary About Face: Supermodels Then And Now, and responded, Sometimes I wake up and think, Is this the new technology? Tells go and do the operation. But the majority of members of the time I wake up and think, Is this the new paws bind, is this the new road of being misogynist, is this a new way to tell women theyre ugly, is this a new channel of telling women they should be this and this? And you commit standards that are impossible to be reached, because the underlying problem is misogyny.

She is, she tells me , not interested in chasing perfection. When parties tell me, You seem so glamorous, you search sophisticated or stylish, its fantastic. But when people say, Youre beautiful, I find it a little deigning. Worse now, because they say, Youre still beautiful. In Italian, we say its a bayonet with both hems, because I know that they represent it to satisfy me, but its almost like alleging to a black lady, Youre not so light, you dont seem so pitch-black. I am old-time: this is what 65 looks like. She is irritated that her generation isnt better gratified for. There is no fashion for women my age, Im sorry to say. She tugs at her charming navy silk tunic. This, I designed myself, because its hopeless to find acts that arent for simply one form. It has to be scrawny, or it has to be sexy I dont just knowing that going on in fashion. I point out that sleeves are as easy to find as black orchids. Exactly! “There wasnt” sleeves. I crave sleeves! You cant find them.

I wonder if it isnt old age that Lancme and Hollywood couldnt deal with, but middle age. Geena Davis, Michelle Pfeiffer and Holly Hunter, all big stars in the 1990 s, struggled to get good employment opportunities in their 50 s. Rossellini agrees: My mum told me that there is no task for women between 45 and 60, because you are in-between. You are not young enough to play the young girl, but you are also not old-fashioned enough to play the matriarch, the voodoo or grandmother. So there is a period of 15 times where youre in limbo and they dont has been able to hire you. Then after 60, a great deal of work coming through. That was true for my mum. And you realize, Maggie Smith is the hottest happening on Earth. Helen Mirren is the hottest act on Earth. Then there is this gap.

Rossellini fell right into it. The movie characters thinned out and, while barely in the desert post-Lancme, she was forced to create her own opportunities. She launched a short-lived but very good cosmetics route, Manifesto, for women of all ages and skin colours. She wrote and performed speeches, made a documentary about her father, performed in plays off-Broadway and took on enjoyable activities like a cameo in Friends, as Rosss dream woman. She bought a small organic farm, investigated animal action and preservation, and studied guide bird-dogs, though she lately had to stop after some lead tugging justification her to drop-off and disable her back.

Guide hounds are labradors and golden retrievers, she excuses. I could have broken my back, so I imagined , no more teaching large-scale hounds! So what I do now is whelp and its fascinating. Like a pup doula? Exactly. They communicate me pregnant momma, they have the puppies, then I keep them for 2 month and distribute them to all the voluntaries for guidebook puppy training.

With her daughter, Elettra, in 1985. Photograph: Rex

She had been blithely withdrawing from showbusiness for a year when she was offered a part in Joy, the romantic humor starring Jennifer Lawrence and Robert De Niro, best friend of Scorsese, with whom Rossellini has remained close. She stopped cashing her actors trade union pension cheques, rejoined the workforce and, in the wake of Joys popularity, was offered a estimate gig on upcoming world TV demo Master Of Photography and a role in a drama.

She still oversees the farm. All the person or persons at “the farmers ” thought where I was, because I was hurtling again. For the moment, I try to manage it all, so well see how long it lasts, this burst of wield, she tells, taking nothing for granted. But she affection TV, and thinks it more attractive a hypothesi for full-grown females performers and onlookers alike. The conjecture I have is that the movies forming “the worlds largest” money are realize for young males, and thats why they are these large-scale war movies. Not because full-grown females dont like them, but because we have a family to create and so we work, “were about” babies, we cook, we are the caregivers and we have careers. So at night after dinner, we cant go out and watch cinemas. She detects television streaming on Netflix, Amazon and online boxed situateds please open brand-new and far more inclusive potentials. I think there will be a lot of actresses wreaking again, she smiles. Im doing a series announced Shut Eye, and first of all I never expected to be a leading role in something again. Im a contribute with other actors, but I am a extremely, very substantial proportion. Theres a whole new audience of ripen people who can watch 45 instants of television and then was sleeping. So its highly fragmented. We dont have these large-hearted phenomenon series where you have the entire country watching, but you have enough parties to establish numerous series, tell many stories.

I wonder if Rossellinis story, as the simulation, pastured middle-aged woman and then back again, is one she wishes she didnt have to tell, or so liberally forgive. She smiles. I feel that its a story and this is the last chapter. Its a glad ending.