#i miss the paying for parking + no admission fee ):

[pendraegon]

i know it's been years (2 actually) but the chicago botanic garden per person fee is so fucking stupid. it makes my blood boil every single time i think about it

[jawritter]

Let’s Get Lost

Summary: Jensen takes you on a date to the local corn maze in lue of Halloween, and the fall season with every intention of getting lost. 

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Warnings: Agoraphilia kink (public sex kink), Smut, outdoor sex, fluf, language, unprotected sex, dry humping? Sex on a bet. That’s pretty much it I think.

Word Count: 2743

A/N: This fic was beta’d by the lovely @miss-nerd95! Thanks so much love!! I haven’t dropped a Jensen Ackles one shot in a long time, so I figured in light of Kinktober, it seemed like the thing to do. LOL. As always please do not copy my work! Feedback is golden! I hope you guys enjoy this one!!

Want more? Check out my Masterlist, and if that’s not enough become a patreon, and get exclusive fics as well as make request! 

**MASTERLIST**   **BECOME A PATREON**

The night air was turning crisp as the sun sank down past the low hanging clouds, casting long shadows of the trees along the highway as you stared out of the windshield in front of you. Jensen’s free arm slung over the seat with his hand resting on your shoulder, his bowed legs that you loved so much spread in a relaxed seated position and a pair of shades resting on the bridge of his nose as he drove down the fairly empty road out of town. His fingers drum lightly on Baby’s steering wheel to the sounds of Zeppelin that filtered through the speakers. 

This was by far your most favorite place in the world to be. The front seat of Baby with Jensen’s arm caging you protectively against his side, hints of the season’s change thick in the air  which was blowing through the open windows. 

You didn’t get to do this often in Texas, where cold days even in fall were few and far in between. Jensen’s work schedule was also part of a huge problem as far as nights out alone could go. Thankfully, even though he was somewhat of a well known celebrity in Austin, people were pretty respectful, and when they saw him out they didn’t hover too much. It was a blessing in a big way, not many people in his line of work had the freedom to do things like what you were headed to do tonight together without bringing a whole security detail. 

Tonight was the night before Halloween, Jensen had wanted to go to the local corn maze in town. It was something the town did every year, and it was something that you always looked forward to. There were always hayrides, and little old classic games like horseshoes, and even an archery competition. People would come out with their kids, or just on a date like the two of you were doing now. The goal was to make it through the corn maze without getting lost… or not getting caught… depending on just what you had in mind.

���You’re quiet tonight.” Jensen observed as he pulled onto the dirt road leading to the corn maze and festivities ahead of you. 

You let your head fall on his shoulder as he circled around the open field to try and find a spot to park Baby that was out of the way. She was a good bit bigger than most of your average cars, and he cared for her just as much as Dean had. 

“Just enjoying the evening,” you tell him. Honestly he could have kept driving your around and you would have been content just to be with him. 

“Well, we’re here, so let’s get lost,” he said, pulling the ball cap from the backseat and slipping it over his hair, wiggling his eyebrows at you playfully. 

You give him a playful push on the chest in return, and laugh as his fingers slip around your waist, pulling you to him and peppering every inch of skin he could reach with little kisses.

“Jay!” you squealed, trying to wiggle your way away from his grasp as he continued his assault. “Stop!”

“Fine,” he said, releasing you with a deep chuckle. “But you better not go astray out there tonight, sweetheart. You never know what might happen in the dark.” 

The mischievous, pantymelting smirk that he gave you let you know exactly what he had planned by coming out here tonight and you weren’t surprised, but you weren’t gonna give in that easy, at least while you were still in the car.

“Jensen,” you hiss as the pair of you get out of the car, and start making your way towards the that was forming at the mouth of the corn maze where people were getting their bracelets stamped and paying the admission fee. “We are NOT doing that here. There are too many people and we can get caught!” 

“That’s all part of the fun, baby girl,” he said, giving you a wink and stepping up in front of the small table to pay for your admission. 

You narrowed your eyes as the back of his head as he paid the lady at the table, and was handed two red paper-bracelets. 

Jensen was a country boy through and through, all those years in California had done nothing to take the Texas out of the man. He was a gentleman, and a total sweetheart. He’d give the shirt off of his back if someone needed it more than him, and he had the most electric and admirable personality you had ever saw in an individual. The one thing that you never expected to discover when you first started dating was his public sex kink.

You were pretty sure it had everything to do with the thrill of almost being caught. You discovered it when he literally fucked you in the crowd at a slipknot concert. Thankfully the flashing lights and the dark arena made it hard for the crowd to see anything but the stage, and you got out of that without getting caught. 

And then there was the time the two of you did it in the girls bathroom at Jared’s bar, and even in the back of the movie theater three weeks ago. 

He was also the kind of guy that liked to take you home and make love with you where no one was watching. Those were when the sweet, intimate moments happened, the ones that let you know just how much he loved you, but this little kink of his was just for additional fun, and how could you deny him that?

“Okay everybody! Here are the rules!” a heavy sat man yelled at the top of the line, wearing overalls, a straw hat, and looking every bit like something that rolled out of a redneck comedy. 

“No running, no booze, no wandering off of the trail, no trying to sneak into the shake in the middle of the corn maze. If anyone is caught doing any of these things you will be asked to leave! Signs are set up through the maze to let you know where you are, and there are food trucks and games set up on the other side of the corn maze! You guys have a great time!” 

With that he threw open the ropes that were held up by two pools at the top of the maze, and the line started to move. Jensen’s hand laced with yours as people broke off in groups in the maze, looking around he took the path that seemed to have less people going in that direction, purposely taking the wrong way. A mischievous smirk that was put there by Satan himself to tempt any woman who saw it plastered all over his face. 

“Jensen,” you said, giving him a playful shove as the two of you made your way deeper into the corn maze. “I know what you’re up to mister.” 

“I am the poster child of innocence, sweetheart, you misjudge me,” he said in mock offense. 

Standing up on his tiptoes Jensen got a good look at his surroundings. Even though the corn was way over your head, Jensen had a clear shot of the field around him if he stretched far enough. Damn him and those long bowed legs. 

You rolled your eyes dramatically, and shook your head. Knowing that whatever Jensen Ackles wanted, he got, not that you were going to complain - much, and you could already see the well-defined bulge forming in the crotch of his dark-blue jeans that left little to the imagination as it was. 

“Oh you're  innocent? Yeah, then I must be Virgin Mary.”

Narrowed green eyes moved around to meet your gaze as straight, white teeth sank into his lower lip, the former shamelessly roaming your body in an almost predatory way that made you shiver. 

“Oh baby, you ain’t no virgin. I made sure of that.”

You swatted his chest when he winked and walked ahead of him further up the trail, the sun sinking lower as the two of you made your way deeper into the maze. 

“I’ll tell you what,” Jensen said, grabbing your waist, and pulling you close to his chest just in case listening ears were close by he couldn’t see. “You take the lead and if we end up at the end of the corn maze, we can go home and I'll have my way with you there, but if we get lost on a dead end and I win… I get to have my way with you right here.”

It was your turn to narrow your gaze at him as the excitement danced behind those forest green orbs that were staring down into your own. The excitement was almost contagious as it  radiated off him.

“You already know we’re lost, you can stretch to see over the corn,” you tell him accusingly. 

“Actually, we’re so deep in here that I can’t see any way out, and it’s getting dark,” he said, procuring two small flashlights out of his back pocket that you didn’t even know he had stuck there. “So it’s fair game, unless you're too chicken about getting caught if you lose.”

If there’s one thing you weren’t, it was a coward. Now you couldn’t back down from the challenge and he knew it. 

“Fine, I accept,” you tell him, poking him in the chest and watching as a wicked smile spread across those lips that were just daring you to kiss them. “But if I win I also want to go on a hayride before we leave.” 

You knew Jensen would want to get out of here as soon as you hit the exit if you won, his patience to get your pants off would be worn almost completely thin at that point and you wanted to drag out this victory for as long as you could.

“Lead the way, Y/N/N,” he said, giving you yet another smirk that made your knees weak. If you weren’t trying to make it at least a little hard for him you’d probably have given in already. He’d been in the mood all day, but where was the fun in that?

You thought you were making headway, you thought you were actually getting out, until you rounded the corner and found yourself standing in front of that damn shed they were talking about, and a sign that said to turn around and follow the signs for the exit.

“Dammit!” Stamping your foot you turned to see a very cocky Jensen, who was leaning against the sign biting his lip as if he had every right to stand there looking like the cat that caught the mouse. 

“Looks like I won, baby girl, but I have to say, if you were going to lose, wasn't this a good place to do it?”

Pushing himself off the sign he was leaning against, Jensen stalked towards you with an almost predatory stance, closing the distance between the two of you in just two short strides. His lips collided with yours as he backed the two of you to the little shack, not stopping until you hit the wall, your flashlights long forgotten on the ground as his body dominated your own. 

Your hands twisted in his hair, his ball cap on the ground next to your feet as he kicked your feet apart and nibbled on your lower lip, pressing his clothed length against your center. You gasped as his fingers started to make their way to the button on your jeans as he grinded himself down against you, creating a delicious friction that only got better as he harshly shoved your pants from your hips and kicked them out of the way before resuming his teasing. 

“Jensen,” you gasp as he increased the pressure of each thrust of his hips, the denim of his pants moving the thong that you were wearing against your swollen clit in a way that already had you panting. “We’re going to get caught, they said to stay out of this place.”

“We’re not in it, we’re outside of it, and if you can’t keep quiet baby girl your gonna be pretty embarrassed when they find us here,” he said, his teeth scraping the shell of your ear as his fingers wind their way around your legs and hoist you up to put even more pressure on your center.

It was all you could do not to make any sound, your legs already shaking as he continued to drive you crazy, and he hadn’t even pulled his dick out from his pants yet. 

“Come on baby, let go, all you gotta do is come, and then I’m gonna fill you up right here, you want that don’t you? Want me to fuck you right out here in the open like this, where anyone can see us, see who you belong too. Don’t you baby girl?”

You nodded furiously as he quickened his pace. He was pressing against you just right as he continued to drive you crazy. 

“Then let go, baby.”

His teeth sank down on your pulse point, and that was all it took. Your orgams hit you like a wave, your walls clenched around nothing as he slowed down his ministrations. When you finally stopped shaking Jensen pressed his weight against you to hold you up and freed his cock from his confines, moving your ruined thong out of the way and shoving inside of you with ease, your walls tightening around him as soon as he was fully seated and both of you let out a groan as he stretched you. 

“Fuck, so fucking wet, Y/N. Gotta keep quiet baby girl, or this party ends before it can get started.”  

 You nod at him and he slowly starts to pull out before slamming his hips back into yours, his hand slips between your body and rubbing harsh circles on your clit.

You held a scream in as Jensen’s cock slammed into you with mapped out accuracy, hitting that spot deep inside of you only he seemed to be able to find. Low grunts and breaths mingled as he kissed you in order to swallow the sounds you were making, your body already barreling towards its end as your walls fluttered around him. 

“God, I need to feel you sweetheart, let go,” he said with a strained voice, as his own pace started to falter and your walls squeezed him as your orgasm hit you like a freight train. 

Two more thrusts and he stilled inside of you, filling you up with hot ropes of cum as his body twitched and he whined into your neck. Aftershocks of your release still rocked your body as you ran your hands through his hair, waiting for him to come down from his high. 

“Fuck, I needed that,” Jensen said, his breath fogging around the two of you in pants as he slowly removed his now softening length from you, and helped you stand on shaking legs. “You okay, baby?”

Nodding at him, you reached for your pants, but he was faster, helping you step into them before zipping his own, his lips finding yours in a much slower, softer kiss. 

“Okay, we need to get out of here, it’s getting cold,” you tell him as he laced his fingers with yours, and led you toward the exit, stopping to shrug out of his denim shirt, which left him in his fitted black tee and handed it to you to put on. 

“Okay, but first that hayride you wanted, and maybe a funnel cake,” he said, kissing your entwined hands as he led you towards the end of the very eventful corn maze. 

"You really want to go on a hayride with me?" you asked him hopefully.

"Of course I do! Besides, we can always get lost again on the way back to the car."

"You're terrible, you know that," you rolled your eyes, looking up at him as you reached the exit of the corn maze. The sound of kids running and music playing invaded your little happy bubble you'd been surrounded in as you made your way back to reality. 

"Yeah I know, but you love me anyway."

And you could honestly say that you, with everything in you, loved that man for all he was.

Forever tags: @deanmonandnegansbitch​ @hayleeharling​ @flamencodiva​ @coldmuffinbanditshoe​ @bxbyizzy​ @dirty-pan-goblin​ @itmejado​ @supernatural3002​ @teresa-67​ @thoughts-and-funnies​ @deanwanddamons​ @rvgrsbrns​ @bi-danvers0​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @i-love-superhero​ @akshi8278​ @lyss-dw79​ @magssteenkamp​ @lemondropirwin​ @squirrelnotsam​ @hobby27​ @spnbaby-67​ @mrsjenniferwinchester​ @defenderrosetyler​ @screechingartisancashbailiff​ @thecreatiivecorner​  @aflamboyanceofgays @vicmc624​ @busy-bee-angel-misska​ @justanotherwinchester​ @brilovesdeanwinchester​ @idksupernatural​ @lyarr24 @amandamdiehl​ @love-jackles-37-blog​ @miraclesoflove​ @Waywardsistershy @emoryhemsworth​ @dean-winchesters-gardian-angel​ @softsebastian​ @tatted-trina6​

[howtosingit]

Fic: Somebody Misses You When You’re Away

TK returns to New York City for the first time since moving to Texas, and Carlos faces his own insecurities back in Austin.

*

Written for @tarlosweek2020 - Day 1: “Are you wearing my hoodie?” + Fluff

3.7K | Also on AO3.

-----

Carlos taps his fingers against the hard, wooden tabletop, his eyes fixed on the phone in front of him. While he watches, the screen goes dark due to inactivity, and he lets out a sigh, his heart clenching in his chest.

“You look really pathetic, you know that?” Michelle says, and he glances up to find her staring at him from the other side of the picnic table, her head tilted to the side as she sucks her milkshake through her straw. Carlos can see a teasing glint in her eyes, but there’s something else there too, something like pity, and it just makes him feel even smaller.

“Yeah,” he admits, leaning forward to rest his head in his hands, “I know I do.”

From his new position, Carlos can’t see Michelle’s face, but he feels her hand on his wrist where she reaches out to touch him, rubbing her thumb soothingly along his pulse point. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asks gently.

This time, Carlos lets out a small groan, hoping to convey exactly how dramatic he knows he’s being. “It’s completely ridiculous, I know, but I miss him.”

When he gets no response, Carlos looks up again, catching the half-smile and gentle gaze of his best friend. “What?” he asks, raising his eyebrow in confusion. He definitely thought she’d laugh at him.

“You are just the softest soul, Carlos Reyes,” she responds, shaking her head slightly. “It’s hard to believe that you exist sometimes.”

Carlos feels a blush rise on the back of his neck and to the tips of his ears, rolling his eyes as he looks away in embarrassment. “You sound like TK.”

“That’s because he knows how good he’s got it,” Michelle fires back, no heat in her claim as she ducks to catch his eye. The statement sticks to Carlos, hitting at his current train of thoughts. The fear that maybe Michelle has finally learned to read his mind causes a grimace to take over his face. “Ah, looks like I poked something there,” she says in response to his reaction.

“I feel like I’m going crazy here, chica,” he grits through his teeth, the unsettling thoughts that have kept him up for the past few nights flying to the forefront of his mind.

“It’s okay to miss your boyfriend when he’s out of town, Carlos.”

“Is it?” he asks, his voice cracking slightly as his fears threaten to take over. “Because it’s only been four days, and it’s not like I don’t hear from him. We text or talk every night before bed.”

“Well, that’s a good thing!” Michelle practically yells, her eyebrows furrowing as she gestures widely as if all of his problems are solved by that one admission.

“Then why do I feel like I’m going to lose him?” Carlos whispers, biting down hard on his bottom lip to contain every other dark thought that’s been swirling around in his head. 

Michelle’s arms drop back down to the table, her hands moving to cover his own on top of the table. She gives him a penetrating look, and after years of friendship, Carlos knows that she’s trying to pick up on everything that he’s not saying out loud. 

“Why would you be thinking that?” Michelle hedges, tightening her grip on him. 

“He didn’t choose Texas,” Carlos starts, looking down to avoid any judgmental looks that she might give him, “and he loves New York. He’s sending me all of these pictures of his favorite places, and when we get to talk, he seems so happy and excited to be back there.”

“Carlos--”

“What if he decides that’s where he wants to be?” he pushes forward, his voice breaking again. The thought makes his heart beat rapidly, the fear of TK leaving him coursing through him like an untamable fire. 

“Didn’t he already consider moving back to New York, when he got shot?” Michelle reminds him, leaning closer. “He stayed, Carlos. He picked the 126, he picked you!”

“Yeah, but now he’s back there and it feels different. He’s remembering his entire life there, and it wasn’t all bad, ‘Chelle! What if he comes back and no longer feels like this is where he belongs?”

“Then he’ll talk to you about it!” Michelle exclaims, jumping up from the table to move to Carlos’s side. She wraps her arms around him, pressing her chin into his shoulder. “Carlos, you guys have been together for almost three months, and I know it started off a little crazy, but you two have built something solid. You love him, I know you do.”

Carlos takes a deep breath, the words cutting through him. “I do,” he agrees. “I love him so much, Michelle.”

“Have you told him that?” 

“We’re not there yet,” Carlos says. “It’s only been a couple of months, I don’t want to scare him by moving too fast.”

Michelle huffs out a breath, dropping her forehead against his shoulder as she lets out a groan. 

“Carlos, how many times do we have to have this conversation?” she starts, her voice serious, like she means business. “You can’t hold yourself back to make other people comfortable. It’s not fair to yourself. If you’re worried he’ll leave, you have to tell him the truth.”

“Michelle, you don’t get it,” Carlos says, turning to face her. “If TK decides that he wants to move back to New York, I’m not going to try to stop him.”

“What do you mean?” she asks, pulling back to look at him, the shock clear on her face. “Why wouldn’t you?”

“I just want him to be happy, Michelle,” he tells her, tracing the lines on his left palm thoughtfully. “I love him, I do, so much, but if New York is what makes him happy, if it’s what he wants, I’m not going to stand in the way of that. I don’t want to be that kind of person.”

“Oh, honey,” Michelle sighs, leaning her head against him again. “They really don’t make many men like you, Carlos Reyes.”

He wishes that made him feel better.

-----

When TK first told him that he was going to New York for a week to see his mother for his birthday, Carlos was really excited for him. They had talked a lot about his mom before, and Carlos knew that his boyfriend missed her a lot. He was truly happy that TK would get to spend some quality time with his mom, just the two of them in the city. 

Except, there’s also the fact that it means they’ll have to spend an entire week apart.

In the two and a half months that they’ve been dating, he and TK have spent as much time as possible together. They both have insane work schedules that don’t always line up, but they make up for it where they can. When he’s working a late shift, TK will bring him takeout if he’s off, and they’ll eat together in the park next to his station. When TK is on a long shift, Carlos will sometimes stop by the 126 and hang out with the crew. He and Paul have become really good friends, and he enjoys the camaraderie that he finds with the team. 

When their schedules do line up, TK usually stays the night at his place, and they like to wake up early and go for runs together before making breakfast - TK handles the fruit and toast, Carlos does the eggs and turkey sausage. It’s become a part of their routine, along with spur-of-the-moment nights out, exploring Austin. 

The point is, they try to spend a good amount of time together, something that they both enjoy. Judd likes to joke that they’re still in the honeymoon stage of their relationship, and one day they’ll get sick of each other. (TK calls him a liar, knowing only too well how much Judd loves to spend time with Grace, even after years of marriage.) They haven’t really had the opportunity to miss one another yet, keeping each other in the loop about what’s going on in their lives regularly. It’s not that they’re dependent on one another to have a good time, but they’ve both been pretty clear about how committed they are to each other, and to building a strong, healthy relationship together.

So, when TK goes to New York for seven days, Carlos freaks out a little bit.

He doesn’t mean to, he actually tries really hard not to, but his insecurities are a little too strong for him to overcome them completely.

It starts with just missing his boyfriend. The sight of his smile, the twinkle of his green eyes, the way that his uniform clings to him when they see each other on a call. TK still texts him pictures, and they talk on the phone a couple of times, when they can find a moment. It’s not that his boyfriend ghosts him for a week. 

It’s just different, and he’s trying to adjust. He’s trying to be normal. He hasn’t told TK anything, he hasn’t acted weird when they’ve talked; he’s answered all of his texts because he loves texting TK. He’s so, so happy that TK is having a good week with his mother in the city that built him. He would never want to ruin that. 

It’s just that Carlos loves him, and misses him, and can’t wait to see his face again.

-----

TK texts him the morning that he’s due back in Texas, reminding him of his arrival information, as if Carlos hasn’t gone to bed every night looking at the note on his fridge. 

He parks his Camaro in the lot closest to the terminal, willing to pay the fee if it means getting to see his boyfriend sooner, before heading inside to wait. He’s way ahead of schedule, his impatience pulling him out of his apartment and towards the airport earlier than necessary. Still, he takes a seat at the edge of the baggage claim area, pulling his phone out to make sure he hasn’t missed a text from TK.

Thirty minutes later, his phone chimes with a message from his boyfriend, letting him know that he just landed and he’ll be out to see him soon. Carlos jumps to his feet, a wide smile on his face at the thought that they’re finally in the same timezone again. He feels ridiculous and gets so distracted by trying to talk himself down to a normal level of excitement that he doesn’t spot TK until he’s less than ten feet from him.

“Hey, you!” a familiar voice calls out, and Carlos feels the way all of his anxieties and insecurities fade into nothingness when he turns and takes in the man he loves.

TK is dressed for comfort, rocking his day-off sweats and a hoodie, but Carlos swears that no one has ever looked more stunning. That, plus his unkempt hair, no doubt from sleeping on the flight, melts his heart to a liquid mess inside his chest. Before he can even consider it, he’s diving towards his boyfriend to pull him into a tight hug, burying his face in TK’s neck to press a kiss to his soft skin.

TK laughs gently at the reaction, wasting no time in wrapping his arms around Carlos’s waist. They stand there for a few moments, taking their fill, before TK moves away slightly. Carlos, thinking that his boyfriend probably wants some space, let’s him go, but before he can step back, TK is gripping his neck to pull him into a chaste kiss.

Carlos closes his eyes at the contact, fireworks exploding behind his eyelids. This week is the longest they’ve gone without kissing, and he definitely forgot how mesmerizing it is to be close to TK in this way. He may not have gone anywhere, but kissing his man always feels like coming home.

“I really missed that,” TK breathes out when they separate. Carlos huffs out a shy laugh, ducking his head to press their noses together.

“Me too,” he says.

TK gives him a smile, turning towards the baggage claim. He reaches for Carlos’s hand, interlocking their fingers as they stand side-by-side, waiting for TK’s bag to appear.

“How was your mom?” Carlos asks, his curiosity about how TK’s feeling right now getting the best of him.

“So good!” TK says, his eyes bright as he launches into the recap of his week, telling Carlos all about the surprise party they planned for his mom. He remembers TK being really excited to help with the preparations before he left.

They’re walking towards the car, hands still linked, when TK pauses mid-sentence and turns to look at Carlos. 

“Are you wearing my hoodie?”

Carlos stops in his tracks, looking down at the outfit he quickly threw on before leaving the apartment. He’s unsurprised to find TK’s yellow hoodie stretched across his chest; in his boyfriend’s absence, he’s taken to wearing it around his apartment whenever he was really missing him. Up until yesterday, it even still smelled like TK. 

“Um, possibly,” he answers, a small grin forming at the corner of his mouth as he gives TK a sheepish look. “Sorry?”

“Don’t be,” TK assures him, leaning towards him to press their lips together again. “I like seeing you in my clothes.” 

“You do?” 

“Yeah,” TK laughs, dragging Carlos across the lot towards his car. “Though I should probably start buying them a size up if you’re going to be stealing them from me.”

A strange hope fills Carlos’s chest, and he can’t help but notice how TK’s joke implies a future investment in their relationship. 

“So,” he starts, popping his trunk so that TK can throw his bag inside, “you want me to take you home?”

“Actually, if you’re okay with me using your shower, can we go back to your place?” TK asks, stepping close.

Carlos wraps his arms around him, his hands coming to rest at the base of his spine. 

“You can use my shower anytime,” he mutters, pressing their lips together again, determined to catch up on all the kisses he missed this past week.

-----

Carlos flits around the kitchen while TK showers, throwing together a quick snack for the two of them. There’s a smile on his face the entire time, a response to hearing the running water from the bathroom down the hall. Nothing about this moment is anything to throw a party over, but after a week of thinking through worst-case scenarios, he’s going to soak up every single moment of having his boyfriend back in his apartment.

TK comes out in a different pair of sweats and a soft t-shirt, toweling his hair dry.

“I made you some lunch,” Carlos says from the couch, smiling when TK lets out a groan and dives forward to grab a chip from his plate.

“You are a literal dream, babe,” he sighs, dropping down next to Carlos and pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

Carlos flushes, turning to take a sip of water to avoid responding, but he can’t help the smile that pulls at his lips.

“And you in my clothes?” TK starts, taking a bite of his sandwich. “Also an actual dream I’ve had before.”

Carlos laughs, his heart pounding in his chest. He remembers the advice Michelle gave him a few days ago and his mind spins, wondering if this is a moment where he can be a little more honest with TK about what he’s feeling. 

“It, um,” he begins, breathing heavily through his nose as he pushes forward, “it stopped smelling like you yesterday.”

He feels TK shift next to him, pressing their knees together. Carlos glances up at him nervously, surprised to see TK giving him a strange look. Then, his boyfriend leans in, pressing his face into his shoulder and inhaling deeply.

“It smells like you now,” TK whispers, pulling back, his green eyes glinting softly. “You wore it a lot while I was gone?” 

Carlos nods, maintaining eye contact. “Whenever I missed you, which, not to sound too lame, was kind of all the time.” 

TK sucks in a sharp breath at the confession, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. Then, without warning, he gets up from the couch and moves towards the door, his sudden absence like a hot knife through Carlos’s chest. 

“This stopped smelling like you after the fourth day,” TK starts, his back to the room as he digs through his bag, “but I still wore it to bed every night.”

He turns, and Carlos realizes that he’s holding his own grey zip-up hoodie, the one that he puts on after he showers, before he has to get into uniform for work. Carlos hadn’t even realized it was missing.

The tear falls unexpectedly, as does the overwhelming feeling of relief that, just maybe, TK struggled with their distance this past week, too. Before he can duck away, or go somewhere to pull himself together, TK is crossing the room and planting himself on the floor in front of him. 

“Hey, what’s going on?” he asks, reaching forward to brush the tear from his cheek.

“It’s nothing, I’m just being ridiculous,” he assures him, avoiding eye contact.

“It’s clearly something,” TK says, rolling his eyes as he cups Carlos’s face in his hands. “Tell me.”

“I don’t want to freak you out.”

“Well, okay, but now I am freaking out a bit,” TK says, giving Carlos a serious look. “Carlos, I swear, you not telling me what you’re thinking is going to stress me out way more than just telling me the truth.”

Carlos bites his lip, trying to figure out the best way to approach this. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be honest with his boyfriend, he just doesn’t want to push too far and ruin this thing that they’ve spent the past few months building. 

Except, a part of him knows that what they have is strong, and good, and that it works for them. They aren’t in the same place that they were three months ago; they have the hard conversations now, and this is technically no different. It’s just not hard in the way TK is probably expecting.

“My brain went a little nuts this week, while you were in New York,” he starts, reaching out to squeeze TK’s wrists gently when it looks like he might interrupt. 

“I saw how much fun you were having there, back in your hometown and with your mom, and I got scared.”

TK pulls back slightly, a look of confusion taking over his features. “Scared about what?”

“I know it probably sounds ridiculous, but I couldn’t stop thinking about how you might decide that Austin isn’t where you want to be right now,” Carlos admits, his voice thin as he voices his festering insecurity.

“Oh,” is all TK says in response.

There’s a heavy silence as they sit close to one another, each of them working through their own thoughts. After a moment that feels like years, TK finally speaks.

“I didn’t get to tell you,” he starts, a small smile appearing on his face as he looks at Carlos openly, “but my mom is planning to visit next month.”

“Oh,” is all Carlos can say, confused by the direction the conversation has taken.

“Yeah,” TK continues, huffing out a laugh, “after the first two days of me talking about you non-stop, she said she wants to meet the man that I’m clearly in love with.”

All at once, the air is practically sucked from the room as Carlos’s brain replays the sentence over and over and over again in his head. Each time, he decides that he must have misheard the words, but TK just keeps staring at him, his eyes shining brightly with a look that Carlos would swear could only be affection.

“Sorry I told her before you,” TK apologizes, leaning forward, “but she was relentless. You know moms.”

“That’s okay,” Carlos assures him, his eyes filling with tears as the reality of what’s happening washes over him. “I told Michelle a few days ago.”

TK’s face breaks out into a giant smile as he shakes his head, leaning forward to press their mouths together in a gentle kiss. There’s no heat behind it, just a pure want for connection.

“You know, the whole time I was there,” he says when they break apart, nudging their noses together, “I was thinking about how I want to bring you with me next time, and show you off to everyone I know. I want to walk you around my city and show you where I grew up. I want you there with me, by my side, the next time I go, and every time I go after that.”

“Really?” Carlos gasps, cupping TK’s face in his hands. 

“Really,” TK says. “New York was my home Carlos, and there’s still a lot of things that I love about it, but Austin is where I belong. I may not have had a choice in moving here and joining the 126, but I chose to stay. And even better, I got to choose you, babe. So far, it’s the best choice I’ve ever made.”

“I love you,” Carlos whispers, pulling TK into an intense kiss. He knows he’s crying again, but this time he doesn’t care. He can’t be embarrassed, not when he gets to hold and hug and kiss the love of his life, the man who loves him back. He’s waited so long for this and he can’t believe he’s finally found it.

TK pulls away with a gasp, and Carlos can’t help the pride that swells inside of him when he spots the blush on his boyfriend’s cheeks, along with his blown pupils. “I love you so much,” TK breathes out, already diving back in for another kiss. 

Later, as they reach for each other in bed, Carlos finally allows TK to remove the yellow hoodie from his body, knowing that he no longer has any need for it. 

Not when he’s holding the love of his life in his arms.

[btsslowburnfic]

BTS Reacts: Visiting the Pumpkin Patch/Apple Orchard-Hyung Line

It’s Fall AF where I live. I don’t know if these are a thing in the rest of the world, but here in Midwest USA I’ve already been to two apple orchards and a pumpkin patch. Happy Fluffy Friday ^_^

-Jin- You were so excited. Chuseok had just ended and Jin still had 2 days off. You decided it was time to usher in the new season with a trip to the Apple Orchard. “Why don’t we just go to the grocery store and buy apples?” your boyfriend jokingly complained as the two of you drove out into the country. “It’s not the same! It’s about the experience.” you adjust your sunglasses as the car winds down a curvy road. “The experience of picking apples? Isn’t this just them getting free labor?” You roll your eyes. “Whatever. This place also has a concession stand, animals, and a giant slide and zipline.” Suddenly you have his interest. “Oh? Really?” “Yep. So much more than just picking apples.” you say as the car turns down the first dirt road to the orchard. It’s a weekday so it isn't too busy. You mask up and pay the nominal admission fee. “Oh my God, Jin LOOK THEY HAVE ALPACAS” you squeal as you rush over to the petting zoo area. Jin jogs over behind you, “Just like RJ. These must be his brothers, AJ and MJ.” You laugh as you dig through your bag for a coin. “And look,” you gesture to the machine with food in it, “We can feed them!!!!!” You twist your coin in and little pellets fall out the bottom. You walk over to the fence and place your palm flat for the animals to come over and eat. “So cool. I’ve never seen a real alpaca up close.” you marvel at their size as they head over. Jin snaps a picture of you feeding them and then has you take a picture of him with them to post on Weverse later. “I can’t believe there’s not an RJ in the car,” Jin laments his missed photo opportunity while posing with AJ and MJ.   “Perfect. Triplets.” you joke and hand him his phone back. “Alright, let’s wash our hands and pick some apples!” Jin groans, “They have bags of apples in the gift shop that someone else already picked.” “Oh my God are you still whining about apple picking?” you playfully shove him. “Fine. Let’s wash our hands and then do the zipline and then pick apples.” you amend your statement. He kisses your forehead. “Much better.”   The two of you scrub the alpaca saliva off and head up the hay stairs to the zipline. “Look how big the orchard is!” you exclaim from the top of the hay bales. Jin slowly walks up behind you. “Yeah and think. People already probably picked all the apples up front, we’d have to walk all the way over there,” he gestures unnecessarily with his long arms towards the back of the orchard, “just to find them.” “We CAME here to PICK APPLES,” you grit your teeth and try to look annoyed since at this point you knew he was just teasing you. He gets strapped into the zipline. “I’m just saying, it seems like a lot of work.” You roll your eyes at him, “Hey Jin, baby?” “What?”  he turns back from getting ready to slide down the cable and smiles at you. “I just think you look cute.” you answer and lean over to kiss him. And then shove him down the zipline. “Byyeeeeeeee!” you yell and wave as you hear him shrieking. The attendant looks at you quizzically. “He’s fine. He��s fine.” you assure them as they get you strapped in. You  jump off the platform and through the air. When you arrive at the other side you see Jin pouting which makes you start to laugh. You turn in your zipline gear and walk over to him. “What’s the matter, pretty pouty man?” you put your arms around him. “You shoved me down a zipline.” he whines. “Ahahaha I did.” You lean back to look at him, amused that he’s trying really hard to keep pouting. “It was so mean.” “It was. I am terrible. Can you ever forgive me?” you place your hands on his chest and look up at him. “Only if you don’t make me pick apples.” he says with a straight face. You scowl at him and pull away. You hear his trademark laugh following you down the hill.

-RM/Namjoon- “Pumpkin patch. Pumpkin patch. Pumpkin patch!” you start chanting as you walk over to your husband on the couch. “Is that what today is?” he pulls you down next to him and you snuggle into his side. “Joonie,” you whine, “you said if the weather was nice we would go.” “I’m just teasing baby, here,” he shows you on his phone where he’s been researching the ratings of the pumpkin patches in town. You loved how much research he always put into everything. “I’m so excited. I haven’t been to one in years.” you smile. “Did you pick one?” “Yep, and I charged the fancy camera so we can get some nice pictures today as well.” “You are the best!” you lean over and kiss him on the cheek. “Let me grab some boots out of the closet and then I’ll be ready to go.” You are surprised that one of the highest rated ones is only a few minutes outside the city. You drive the short distance and arrive at a beautiful farm sprinkled in red, yellow, and orange leaves. “Oh my God, this is beautiful.” you say as you exit the driver’s side. Namjoon already has the camera out and shoots some photos of the barn and trees. “I’m so glad you brought the camera,” you say as you nervously watch him handle the thousands-of-dollars camera. “But make sure you use the wrist or neck strap.” “Are you saying you don’t trust me to hold an expensive item without breaking it?” he pretends to act shocked. You smile and walk over. “I would never say that,” you place the strap around his wrist and laugh as you look up at him. “Never.” He laughs. “I totally would have. Or left it sitting somewhere. Thanks for talking me into taking today off.” ��He takes you by the hand as the two of you head down to the farmhouse. e There is a small general store full of breads, james, hay bales, and scarecrows. Much fall. So knickknack. You walk over to the counter where a farmer is sorting produce, “Excuse me sir, which way to the pumpkin patch?” “Head out the back of the barn. You can either ride the wagon back there or walk.” The two of you exit the barn and find yourself in the middle of a group of about fifty small children and their chaperones. “Oh.” Namjoon says, his eyes involuntarily going wide. “It must be a school trip. That’s ok. We can walk back there, I think they’re waiting for the wagon.” The two of you ease your way through the tiny mob and start walking down the gravel. “Alright. We have to beat that wagon before the field has 50 fewer pumpkins,” you say as you pump your arms and channel your inner speed walker. “And get some pictures without random children in them,” he adds. By the time the two of you walk the Kilometer to the patch you two are slightly out of breath. “Alright. Let’s find the perfect pumpkin.” you say as you survey the patch. The two of you wander the fields scouting out the perfect size and color pumpkin. Namjoon takes some photos of the field and you. “Ok, time to trade,” you say, gesturing to the camera. “I don’t know.” he suddenly acts shy. “Oh come on, you have to. You’re wearing your plaid shirt, it’s like you purposefully dressed to be a pumpkin patch model.” you grin as you take the camera from him. You snap some photos of him and the rural landscape.  You hear the throttle of the tractor and a bunch of kid voices getting closer so the two of you each grab a pumpkin and start walking back to the farmhouse. The wagon of children all wave excitedly and point at the two of you and your pumpkins. Namjoon laughs and waves back with his free hand. “Did you have a good time?” he asks as the two of you enter the general store. “I did. I felt a little rushed because of the kids but that’s ok. It looks like they’re having fun.” You smile. “You’ll be such a great parent someday,” he smiles as he leans over to kiss you.

-Suga/Yoongi- “More coffee.” Yoongi’s gravely morning voice requests after you remind him it’s apple orchard day. He had gotten out of bed and was now doing a great impression of a rock as he sat at the kitchen table with his face in his hands. “Honey, they have cider at the orchard.” “Cider doesn’t have caffeine,” he responds. “Coffee.” You run your fingers through his hair and smile  “Fine, fine.” you walk over to the Nespresso and make a cup of coffee for him. You take the mug over and slide onto his lap. “I’d be careful if you want to make it to the apple orchard.” he growls into your ear and squeezes your waist. “Yoongi,” you giggle and stand up. “There’s time for that after the apple orchard.” you wink and walk over to your purse. “We need to leave here in 45 minutes.” “Why? Are we on a schedule?” “A little bit. We’re meeting up with Tae and Jimin.” “Oh yeah? Cool.” he monotonously responds as he continues to wake up more and more with each sip. -- It’s a beautiful fall day with a light breeze blowing and the sun shining. It’s perfect for what you have planned. The ride up was nice but quiet. You were super nervous about how the afternoon was going to go. "Are Tae and Jimin here yet?" Yoongi asks as he pulls into the parking lot. You check your messages. "Yep. They're already out in the orchard and say we should head out to meet them." you exit the car and wait for yoongi. The two of you hold hands as you look for the best way to get into the orchard. You weave in and out of the apple trees looking for your friends. “It’s so beautiful today.” he says quietly. “It really is. Do you remember the last time we came here?” He smiles, “Oh yep. I remember. Speaking of, do you have your epi-pen with you?” “Of course,” you pat your purse. Eventually you find where Tae and Jimin had set up. “What’s all this?” Yoongi gestured to the blanket and basket sitting in the clearing. “Tae and Jimin set this up, they went to the car and said to have a seat and wait for them.” “Are you sure this is their stuff?” he mumbles. “Yep. They sent me a picture,” you flash it to him. “Let’s go find them.” he starts to pull you the other direction. “No. We should really stay and wait for them. I don’t want to get lost.” you say as you head over to the large hounds tooth blanket and have a seat. “Since when are you worried about being lost? We wandered the streets of Dublin for hours.” “I just want to make sure we don’t miss our friends. Come sit with me,” you pat the  spot on the blanket carefully. Yoongi looks toward the entrance one more time and then gives in, coming over to sit next to you. You check your phone one more time. Satisfied, you slip it into your purse. You stiffen as a bee flies over to the blanket. “Aish, I got it.” He pulls his sleeve over his hand and swats it away. “If I see another one, we’re getting up and moving. Actually, an apple orchard was a terrible idea to come to with your allergy.” “I know, I know. I thought about that too but I wanted to come here today. I remember the last time we were here.” “Yeah, I thought you were going to die.” Yoongi says, trying to sound casual, but you can detect the slight shake in his voice. You shrug and take him by the hand, “But I didn’t. And that’s the day I knew that you were the one for me.” You lean over and kiss him gently on the lips. “You stayed calm and helped me inject myself and then took me to the hospital and stayed even though I kept begging you to just leave while delirious and crying.” He smiles shyly, “Yeah, it was what, like our second or third date? I called Namjoon to cancel going to practice and he yelled at me for even being out on a date and then I hung up on him.” “What? You never told me that before,” you exclaim. You had no idea you’d caused any drama. “I didn’t want to worry you.” he replies, gently pushing your hair behind your ear. “Well, that’s why I wanted to come back here today,” you begin as you grab a small box out of your purse. “I knew on that day that you would do anything to protect me and just how much you care about me even though it was so early in our relationship. I don’t deserve you, but if you’ll have me, I’d like to make forever official with you,” you open the box and present him with a small black band. “Are you proposing to me?” he asks quietly. “I’m trying to. Am I doing a bad job?” you ask nervously, suddenly worried he’s going to say ‘no.’ He smiles and takes the band out and looks at it.  “No. I’m just surprised. And happy.” he puts it on. “So….is that a yes?” you ask nervously. He looks up at you with wet eyes. “Of course.” he leans over and the two of you kiss, it slowly turns into a make-out session until you hear someone clear their throat. You pull away smiling and look over at Taehyung and Jimin. “They’re actually here?” he says surprised. “Congratulations!” Jimin yells and attacks Yoongi with a hug. “Did you get any pictures?” you ask Tae. “Oh yeah. Lots of them,” he smiles at you. “You did a great job planning this.” “You were all in on this!?” Yoongi exclaims, throwing Jimin off of him. “Yep! I wanted Taehyung to take pictures and Jimin wanted to join as well.” “Aish, I’m lucky to have such great friends,” he leans over and quietly in your ear, “and such a wonderful fiance.”

-JHope/Hoseok- Your boyfriend is sitting on the couch dragging his feet about going out today, "It's not a haunted corn maze, right?" Hoseok asks you for the 50th time with a disgusted look on his face. You let out a sigh and put your hands on his shoulders. "No babe it's just a normal corn maze where we wander around and try to get to the other side." "... I don't know." "I think you are emotionally scarred from Run BTS," you say as you press a kiss to the top of his head and move to sit next to him.  "We don't have to do the corn maze if you don't want to.”  You take his hand in yours. “Let's just go and pet the pumpkins. If we decide to do something else while we're there that's fine too." "OK sounds good. I saved some cool carvings on my phone," he pulls it out to show you a few intricate designs he's saved. "ooo very cool. We'll need at least 2 big pumpkins and a few medium. Are you ready?" you ask as you put your bag over your shoulder. He grabs a cap and follows you out the door. ------ The pumpkin patch is just outside the city and is famous for its corn maze. This year it is in the shape of an underwater scene with fish, whales, and dolphins. You point out the picture at the entrance to Hobi emphasizing the “family friendly” parts of the poster. “I’m not saying we have to. I’m just showing you what it looks like.” you emphasize as the two of you walk over to the barn area. There are chickens and horses lazily wandering around the yard. “Have you ever been to a farm before?” he asks you as you take photos of the animals. “No. Is it obvious?” you laugh. “I’ve seen horses before but not just like wandering around with chickens and stuff.” “You’re cold,” he states rather than asks. “Here,” he takes off his sweatshirt and hands it to you. “Now you’ll be cold.” you say as you put on the still-warm sweatshirt. You not-so-secretly loved taking your boyfriend’s hoodies. “I’m fine. Besides, if we walk through that giant maze I’m sure we’ll work up a sweat. And the sun is coming out.” he smiles at you. He just radiates happiness, it’s one of the things you love about him. “You’ll try the corn maze? Really?” you turn and face him, wrapping your now-warm body around him. “Yes, I’ll try it.” he kisses you on the tip of your nose. “I read and it says they have emergency exits if we need to leave.” You laugh, “Well hopefully we won’t have to use them, but it’s nice to have the option.” The two of you wander over to the sign marked “Entrance” and take a few pictures for posterity and then begin wandering around. You hit several dead ends and Hoseok flinches a few times turing around corners. “Babe are you still worried there are zombies in here?” you ask, trying not to laugh because you know even though it’s silly, he’s scared. “..No. Just making sure we don’t run into people. Alive or otherwise.” You laugh. “Hey, here’s one of the emergency exits, “you gesture to a sign above the dead end the two of you have just walked into. “No. Not yet. We’re not giving up.” his voice sounds determined. “We’re going to conquer this corn maze. Or at least try for another 30 minutes, I’m getting hungry.” he grins as you two double back. You set a timer on your phone but when it goes off the two of you have a feeling you are getting close to the exit because you have moved pretty far along the treeline. You had the wherewithal to take a photo of the maze back at the Pumpkin Patch entrance so you know the exit is on the North side of the maze. “I think this is it!” he yells excitedly, pulling you by the hand and breaking out into a run.  You turn one last corner and the two of you emerge victorious. He takes your hands and raises them above your head in true champion fashion.  You take a picture of your sweaty happy smiles in front of the exit sign. “I knew we could do it!” you exclaim and lean over to kiss him.  “Hey Hobi,” you say, catching your breath still. “Yeah?” “Let’s just eat food and get pumpkins from the farm store. I don’t want to hike to the back of the farm to the pumpkin patch.” “Oh thank God,” he says, “I thought I was going to have to beg you not to.”  he laughs. “Seriously. I want one of everything from the concession stand.” you say as the two of you walk back towards the farmhouse. “Ahaha me too. I love you.” “I love you too.”

[sinditia]

Starker Fic - The Way It Goes - Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5| Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 

Tony and Peter finally go on that date. Then afterwards, Tony takes Peter back to his new penthouse for some long overdue quality time.

Beta’d by the lovely @blushing-starker thank you so much, dear!

--

Peter absolutely does not use his spidey agility to throw himself out the door as soon as he got the text from Tony announcing that he’s arrived, barely yelling out a “Bye, May, don’t wait up!” before doing so. He certainly does not sprint down the stairs of his apartment building because he was too impatient to wait for the slow, creaky elevator to take him to the ground floor.

He may have gotten the breath knocked out of him when he bursts through the building’s front door and sees Tony stepping out of his car looking like utter sex on legs with his dark wool coat, fitted jeans, and signature tinted sunglasses. His dark hair is styled in artful dishevelment, the sunlight bringing out the auburn undertones in it, and his beard is neatly trimmed, carving out that razor-sharp jawline.

Peter definitely launches himself at the older man, throwing his arms around him and holding him tight. “I missed you so much,” Peter mumbles in his ear. The solid feeling of Tony’s broad body in his arms and the clean, expensive scent of him send signals of happy and love and home through Peter’s brain.

Tony chuckles. “I missed you too, baby.” He presses a kiss to the side of Peter’s head, squeezing him once before holding him out by the shoulders to get a good look at him. Tony’s smile is as bright as sunshine, mirroring Peter’s own as they just stare at each other for a good few seconds, revelling in this moment that they’re finally together again.

They move as one, meeting in the middle as their lips touch, falling into a kiss that’s as natural as breathing. Peter’s only dimly aware that they’re still standing on the sidewalk, in plain view of anyone with eyes or a camera phone, but he doesn’t care. Nothing in the world matters but the way Tony’s lips move against his, and Tony’s hands around his waist, pulling him in closer.

“Hmm, I missed that too,” Tony murmurs, nipping lightly at Peter’s bottom lip. “Are you sure you don’t want to just head back to my place?”

Peter’s tempted, he’s not gonna lie. But … “I had a whole thing planned out.”

“Alright, fine,” Tony concedes, pulling back to drop a light kiss on the tip of Peter’s nose. He glances up towards the apartment building. “Is your aunt home? Should I go up and say hi?”

Peter considers it for a moment but he doesn’t feel like going through the whole shovel talk song and dance with Aunt May. “Nah, maybe next time. I want you all to myself today.”

Peter climbs in the passenger seat of Tony’s car when the man opens the door for him. It’s a dark grey Audi R8, which is still pretty ostentatious despite Peter’s instructions to keep it casual and low-key for the day, but knowing Tony’s collection, it’s probably about as modest as it can go.

Tony barks out a laugh when Peter announces that he’s taking him mini-golfing.

“Well, points for originality, I guess,” he says with a chuckle as he drives them to Pier 25. “Never had a date take me mini-golfing before.”

Peter shrugs. “You said you’ve never gone. You’re the one who gave me the idea.” But he’s smiling as he says it, feeling happy that he can surprise the other man like that.

The mini golf course is a cute little place by the pier overlooking the Hudson River, with families and their excited, noisy kids milling about, but surprisingly not that crowded. Peter insists on paying for the twenty dollar admission fee for the both of them. It’s a beautiful sunny day despite the cold breeze, and Tony’s hand feels warm in his as they walk hand-in-hand through the park’s entrance.

The 18-hole obstacle course isn’t very complicated and both Peter and Tony have too much knowledge of physics and geometry for it to prove much of a challenge. But Peter’s extra strength gets away from him sometimes and he often putts the ball a little harder than he intends, throwing his calculations way off. And it’s not like Peter is at all competitive, he’s complaining about it only mildly, but Tony still laughs at his antics, fondness clear in his face.

“Alright, alright. I get it,” Tony teases. “You don’t gotta keep throwing your shots. No need to pretend that you suck at this.”

Peter protests, “I’m not-”

“You want me to come over there and give you some pointers, is that it?” Tony asks, mischief twinkling in his eyes. He sidles up to Peter and stands close behind him. As in real close, draping his front over Peter’s back, chin over his shoulder, arms coming around to grip over Peter’s hands around the bright red putter.

“Oh,” Peter breathes, feeling the older man’s body slot perfectly against his, flush from chest to hip. “Yeah. Totally.”

“Just gotta relax baby. Trust me, I’m good at putting stuff in holes.”

Peter wants to roll his eyes at the remark, but Tony is murmuring very close to his ear, his breath warm against the sensitive skin of his nape. It sends a shiver down Peter’s spine, and the area between his legs is rapidly doing the opposite of relaxing.

Tony’s voice continues to rumble softly behind him. “Just loosen up your shoulders, visualize where you want it to go, and just…”

Peter leans into it when Tony gently putts the ball forward and it bounces neatly off a statue of a plastic frog and into the hole.

“See? Nothing to it,” Tony says. He doesn’t pull away and instead trails his hands up to Peter’s hips. “You just needed some guidance is all.”

Peter smirks, pushing his ass back ever so slightly against Tony’s groin. “Oh, I can feel your ‘guidance’ alright.”

“Why, Mr. Parker, this is a family joint,” Tony says with a low baritone voice, nipping lightly at Peter’s earlobe.

Peter turns in Tony’s arms and kisses him as hard as he can get away with in public and the possible vicinity of impressionable kids. What a novel thing, to be able to make out with one’s boyfriend under the shade of wind-swept trees in a park by the river, just like normal people do. They could probably stand like that forever if it weren’t for the sound of obnoxious throat-clearing coming from behind them.

“Are you guys done?” It’s a pair of tweens glaring at them with impatient and unimpressed looks.

“Yeah. Sorry. It’s all yours,” Peter says, and he and Tony giggle as they make their way hand-in-hand to the next hole.

--

Peter lets Tony decide on dinner and the man drives them to a fancy-looking place on Central Park South where Peter balks.

“Tony, no. I’m not dressed for this,” Peter protests, tugging at his sweater over t-shirt-and-jeans combo.

Tony gestures to his own outfit with a raised eyebrow, but the difference is, his version of t-shirt and jeans is clearly some overpriced designer nonsense while Peter’s dressed in hand-me-down chic. “Relax, Pete, you’re with me. What are they gonna do, turn you away?”

“Um, yes?” Peter exclaims like it’s obvious. He follows Tony out of the car and watches him toss the keys and a charming grin to the waiting valet.

Tony puts an arm around Peter’s shoulders as they walk the short distance of the sidewalk up to the restaurant entrance under a dark blue awning. “That’s what you get for not wearing the stuff I got you for your birthday. Have you even worn them?”

“I was saving them for a special occasion.”

“And our first date isn’t a special occasion?” Tony rests a faux-offended hand on his chest. To the hostess at the reception he says, “table for Stark.”

The hostess’s eyes widen marginally in recognition upon seeing Tony and her eyes slide over to Peter, who gives her an awkward smile. “Of course, sir. Right this way,” she says, taking two menus and leading them into the dining area, seating them at a table tucked in an intimate corner.

“We only went mini-golfing today. I didn’t think I had to dress fancy for that. I thought we were going to keep it low-key,” Peter grumbles, taking a seat and looking around. The place looks sophisticated and trendy, all white table-cloths and chandeliers and abstract art pieces adorning the walls. It’s packed with people who are just as sophisticated and trendy, conversing lightly between goblets of wine. Peter feels stupendously out of place.

“This is low-key,” Tony insists. “I could’ve taken you to Masa or La Bernardin. I think I should be commended for having this much restraint.”

Peter hums, unimpressed. He picks up the menu and cringes at the price tag. Forty bucks for a pasta dish?

“Don’t go bursting an aneurysm,” Tony says. Peter looks up and sees the older man watching him with amusement. “Have whatever you want. What sounds good?”

“Um, I don’t know. I’ve never had a lot of the seafood stuff, like the scallops, and … grilled octopus?” Peter narrows his eyes dubiously at the menu .

Tony hums in consideration. “Well, now we’re definitely getting those. Why don’t we order some things for the table, that way we can both try some of each.” He calls over their server and starts rattling off their order, articulating around the Italian words with a fluent familiarity that sounds so attractive in his deep voice that Peter almost wishes they had gone straight home so Tony could whisper indecent Italian in his ear while they do unfit-for-public stuff.

Tony orders a beer and glances at Peter, who tells their server, “same” with a bright smile. Tony raises an eyebrow at that but doesn’t say anything and neither does their server. Peter wonders what else he can get away with as Tony’s plus-one.

“Aren’t you gonna be driving?” Peter asks.

“It’s just one beer.” Tony shrugs. “Besides, that’s what the self-driving feature is for. Are you gonna be okay?” He asks with a teasing grin.

“I’ve had alcohol before.”

“Ah, yes. The infamous high school parties.”

“My metabolism never lets me stay drunk for too long though,” Peter admits. “I think I’d have to like, continuously chug entire vodka bottles to maintain it.”

“Hmm, I smell an interesting and possibly irresponsible science experiment.”

Peter laughs. “I’ve always wondered what else this body can do.”

Tony’s lips twitch into a barely restrained smile at the implication. “I’d be perfectly happy to help you find out.”

Peter snorts. “I meant with my spidey abilities.”

“Still not making it any cleaner there, sweetheart,” Tony says, smirking. “I mean, we both know how flexible you are already with all your aerial gymnastics. We could probably test that flexibility further.” His eyes are playful, but there’s a bit of hunger and anticipation as well, and it makes Peter’s stomach flutter and swoop like inebriated butterflies.

“Tonight?” Peter asks hopefully.

“If you want.”

“I do want.” Peter smiles bashfully. It feels unexpectedly strange, to be sitting there in a high end restaurant with Tony on what is essentially their first date. He feels oddly shy despite having been through so many things already with the other man.

“What is it?”

“Nothing. It’s just … It’s weird. Feels like we’ve been doing all this backwards. I mean, we’ve been, um, intimate long before this. And not just intimate in the physical way, but also like, the near death stuff. I just feel … really close to you already. When usually the dinner and the date would be the first thing you do.”

Tony considers this. “Is that bad?”

“No,” Peter says quickly. “It’s not bad at all. It’s not one way or the other, I think. It’s just … I mean, I’ve never dated anyone before so I guess it’s not like I have any frame of reference. Being with you, it’s-” He grins at Tony. “It’s awesome. It’s nothing like I’ve ever imagined but also everything I could ever want, you know? It might be unconventional - in a lot of ways - but I kinda like that about us.”

Tony’s expression is tender and his smile is gentle as he takes Peter’s hand from across the table. Peter’s thumb brushes over the older man’s calloused knuckles, and he’s once again struck by how different the real Tony is compared to the persona everyone else sees. The Tony Stark that appears on TV or on stage oozes magnetism and charisma, dazzling in his brilliance and wit, invincible and unattainable. Meanwhile, the man sitting across Peter right now - while just as handsome and confident - has a softness, sincerity, and vulnerability to him that makes Peter fall even deeper in love.

Their food is served, and Tony can claim this place to be as casual and low-key as he wants, but in Peter’s mind, if the portions are small and laid out attractively on oversized white plates, then it’s a fancy restaurant. Fortunately, Tony orders enough food to properly fill the stomachs of two grown men, one of whom has the metabolism of a furnace.

The grilled octopus thing is surprisingly tasty despite its dubious appearance, with a bit of a spicy kick in the glaze and pickled red onion garnish. The pasta is - okay, maybe worth the forty bucks a plate with how creamy and delicious it is. Peter’s never had black truffle before and he thinks it might be his new favourite thing. The pan-seared dover sole has this buttery sauce on it that tastes amazing with the side of fresh, lemony arugula salad. It’s probably the best dinner Peter’s ever had.

Tony offers dessert and Peter orders the panna cotta while the other man gets the dark chocolate mousse. One bite of that silky smooth creme fraiche with the textured crunch of crushed walnut has Peter moaning probably a bit too obscenely, but it’s just too good. It’s a sweet, velvety melt in his mouth and he just wants to swim in a whole vat of it.

“Not that I’m not thoroughly enjoying the show, but would you like a moment alone with your new friend, there?” Tony asks, his eyes are amused but dark with heat.

Peter looks up at the other man while giving his spoon a long lick to get all the cream off. “It’s just so good,” he says with as much innocence as he can manage.

“Hmm,” Tony says, eyes fixated on Peter’s tongue on the utensil.

“Can I try some of yours?” Peter asks. Tony scoops a spoonful of his nondescript-looking chocolate dessert and holds it out towards him. Peter leans in and, holding eye contact the whole time, opens his mouth to take it in, tongueing the offered tip of chocolate mousse before closing his lips over the spoon. Peter can hear Tony’s breath hitch and he feels pleased at the reaction for a moment before the strong, cocoa flavour hits his tongue and he exclaims, “Oh God!”

“Alright, you fucking tease,” Tony grumbles, withdrawing the spoon and shifting visibly in his seat.

“No, I’m serious, that’s so good,” Peter says, licking his lips. The dessert is light in texture and rich in taste and he kind of wants another bite.

“So that’s my competition, huh? A chunk of chocolate pudding?”

“I don’t know, man. Unless you taste that good in my mouth…” Peter teases, leaning forward to steal another spoonful of Tony’s mousse and making a show of licking it off his spoon.

“Oh, you’re gonna get it now, Parker,” Tony growls.

“Promise?” Peter grins.

Tony settles the bill after they finish dessert, handing the server his card without so much as looking at it while simultaneously not allowing Peter to look at it either. The manager comes over to greet them with a smile, asking if their meal was to their liking.

“It was great. No complaints here,” Tony says cheerfully.

“That’s wonderful to hear!” the manager says. Her demeanour turns serious, however, when she says, “I’m so sorry, Mr. Stark, but it appears that there is a group of photographers right outside the front entrance. We were wondering if perhaps you’d like to go out through the back door? We can have your car sent there.”

Peter feels a little stunned. Tony glances at him and must have caught his expression because he quickly says to the manager, “yeah, I think that’d be best.”

The manager nods. “Then whenever you’re ready, I can escort you out the back.”

“I think we’re ready now,” Tony says, looking at Peter, who nods in confirmation.

Tony takes Peter’s hand and doesn’t let go as they follow the manager through the restaurant, weaving their way between tables, through the bustling kitchen, and out the back entrance. Tony’s hold is confident and reassuring and just what Peter needs. It’s almost like he’s saying, if they see us then this is how they see us, together, as a couple. It’s possessive but protective at the same time, and Peter feels safe with his hand clasped in Tony’s like that, like he can take on whatever’s waiting for them out that door.

The back parking lot is empty and quiet when they’re ushered out the door and into the waiting car. Tony shakes hands with the manager and tips the valet before slipping into the driver seat. He turns to Peter beside him and asks, “you okay?”

“Yeah,” Peter says, hoping to sound more composed than he feels. While they managed to get in the car safely enough, they still need to drive out of there, and that means passing by the street where all the photographers are apparently waiting.

Tony manoeuvres the car as quickly and efficiently as he can, but these photographers seem to have little regard to their own safety and approach way too close to the moving vehicle that Tony’s forced to slow down a little. There’s unintelligible yelling and flashing lights bursting through the windshield, almost blinding in their intensity. Peter tries to keep his head down at first. But cowering in his seat feels too much like cowardice so he lifts his gaze out the window defiantly and lets the intrusive lights illuminate and capture his face.

It’s done now, he supposes. Soon everyone is going to know who he is.

--

Part 16

[noladyme]

Skip To My Lou, My Darling - Chapter 3, Too Perfect II

The road so far…

Seeing Dean again wasn’t the warm reunion Lulu had imagined. Standoffish and cold, the eldest Winchester brother seems to want her anywhere else but near him. Is he trying to protect her? Or himself…

Tag list (Let me know of you want to be added) @edonaspanca​ @wonderlandfandomkingdom​

II

7 years ago

Slow night at the diner again. Tips aren’t going to be great; but I need the hours. “Order up for 13!”, Ricky calls from the hatch. I go over to grab the plates. Bacon and pie. I chuckle, and walk over to table 13 with the order.

“You know, 13 is supposed to be an unlucky number, John”, I smile. “You shouldn’t pick the same table every time you come in”. A pair of caramel eyes meet mine. “I got a rabbit’s foot stashed away. I have all the luck I need”, he smiles. “Besides, if I don’t sit here, how can I be sure I’ll get my favorite waitress?”. I give the man my brightest smile, and place the servings of food in front of him; and go to clean down the counter.

“Oh, Lou?”, John calls. “You still haven’t…?”. “Heard of any crop failures or more cattle mutilations?”, I laugh softly. “Sorry, no. Not since last time you dropped by, what… two months ago?”. “Yeah…”, he mutters. “Just needed to check”. “You ask some weird questions for a Wildlife Service Agent. Do cows count as wildlife?”. He clears his throat. “They’re… free-range”. I raise my brows. “Ok; well, enjoy your meal”.

I get back to serving a few other patrons; dropping by table 13 to top up John’s coffee once in a while. He seems enraptured in his paperwork; but always smiles brightly and thanks me. At closing time I take off my apron, and walk over to his table one last time. “I’m locking up in a minute”, I say. John is looking out the window; narrowing his eyes at something. “I think… could I stick around for a few minutes? I just need to finish something up”. I chew my lip. “I-i… don’t know. I’m not supposed to…”. He grabs my hand, and looks at me pleadingly. “Please, Lulu? I’ll throw in another 20”. I laugh softly. “You don’t have to pay me… I’ll just go work on proofreading my application essay by the counter”.

John grins at me. “You’re finally doing it!”, he says. “I’m proud of you”. “Thanks”, I blush. “It’s about time”. He nods. “This last year, I’ve come through here – what – six or seven times?”. I look down, stifling a smile. “Eight”, I whisper. He raises his brows. “Are you keeping track of me, sweetheart?”. “You leave good tips”, I chuckle embarrassedly. He winks at me. “Sure it’s not my charming personality?”. I shrug. “That might have something to do with it”, I giggle.

He sighs deeply. “If only I was 20 years younger… I should introduce you to my son”, he says. “Is he as cute as his dad?”, I ask. John laughs his warm deep laugh. “He’s… Let’s just say the ladies love him”. He seems to ponder over something. “Actually, you should probably steer clear of him”, he chuckles. I wink at him, and grabs his plates. “I’ll let you get to it”, I say, and walk back behind the counter.

I sit over my essay for about 20 minutes, before the bell at the front door rings. “We’re closed!”, I call out; looking up. A menacing looking man is standing in front of me. “The money…”, he grunts, and points a revolver at me. I raise my hands in the air. “Please… I don’t have any money here. The chef already went to the bank…”. “Your tips. Hand them over”, he snarls. I have about 50 dollars in my pocket; but I need every cent for my savings.

My breath hitches, and I look out the corner of my eye, towards table 13. John is gone. I’m alone.

“I said, hand them over!”, the man shouts. “Now!”. He begins thrusting the gun towards me. “Ok… ok”, I croak, and begin sliding my hand into my pocket.

Suddenly, someone jumps out from the shadows; knocking the man onto the floor. Within seconds, the man is in a headlock; struggling against Johns grasp. “Lulu”, John growls. “In the back of my waistband. There’s a gun. Take it!”. Rattled, I run around the counter, and lift Johns jacket to reveal the weapon in question. “What am I supposed to do with it?”, I whimper. “Point it at him, and if he moves; shoot!”, John says.

I’m half way hyperventilating – panicking. “I don’t know how to shoot. I hate guns!”. John looks over his shoulder at me. “Pull the hammer, press the trigger”, he says. “Isn’t there a safety thingy on it?”, I croak. “Waste of time”, John scoffs. “Just do it”. I pull the hammer, and aim it at the man on the floor. He begins squirming in Johns grasp. “Don’t move, you son of a bitch”, John snarls. He looks at me again.

A bird taking flight outside startles me, and I pull the trigger of the gun – hitting the floor a few feet away from the robber’s head. He instantly stops moving. John looks at me again. “See? Now you know how to shoot”, he grins. ��Keep aiming. I’ll get something to tie him up, and call the cops”.

The man on the floor begins whimpering. “No; please, man!”, he sobs. “I was just trying to… I just needed some cash to get out of town”. John sighs; and then gets up; raising the man to his feet in front of him. He grabs his collar, and looks at him with a rage I’ve never seen in any man before. He looks dangerous. “You get out of here. Go far away”, he growls; his eyes aflame. “If you even set foot in this state again; I will find you – and I will rip your lungs out with my bare hands. Is that understood?”. “Uh huh!”, the man nods fervently. “Apologize to the lady!”. The robber looks at me. “I’m sorry, miss!”, he says. John lets the man go, and he runs out of the diner.

Once we’re alone, John takes the gun from my shaking hands. “He’s been staking out this place for about an hour. Waiting until he thought you were alone”. “Oh…”, I croak. I swallow hard. “Thank you”. He strokes my cheek. “You’re welcome, sweetheart”, he smiles. “Is your essay finished?”. His change of topic startles me. “Uhm… yeah. It’s just over here”, I whisper.

John walks over, and picks up the handwritten text, and quickly glances over it. “Erszebet Bathory – The Blood Countess of Csejte”, he grins. “Interesting subject”. I shrug. “I don’t know, it was… I just shot at a man”, I say. John nods. “Yes you did. And you did a half way decent job of it as well. Just try to hit, next time”.

He stuffs my essay into his pocket. “Kansas State, right?”, he says. “John, I need that…”, I say. He shakes his head. “I’ll send it for you”. “It’s not finished…”. John sighs and shakes his head. “For a year I’ve seen you bent over this thing ever chance you had. It’s finished”, he smiles. “You’re a smart young woman, and you’ll get in”. I let out a disbelieving gasp. “There’s the admission fee…”. He grins again. “I said, I got it… should have done the same for my son”.

He pats my shoulder, and goes to leave. “John!”, I call after him. He turns around, and I run over, and hug him. “Thank you”, I say, and get on my toes – kissing his cheek. “Your kids are lucky to have you”. He furrows his brow. “Goodbye, Lulu”.

He leaves the diner; and I watch him get in his truck, and drive away.

---

Dean was stood leaning against the impala, which was now parked a way down the small road leading towards the house. “I thought you’d be halfway to the nearest dive by now”, I muttered. “Should be…”, he grunted. “But you’ll just run off with Sam and Bobby, and start hunting monsters; if I don’t stay”. “Would that be so bad?”, I whispered. “You’re not a hunter, Lou”, he said earnestly. “I don’t want you…”. “Getting hurt”, I said. He nodded.

I looked across the masses of old cars strewn across the place. The impala stood parked near the house. Dean cleared his throat. “We haven’t been able to… talk, properly”. “Since I flipped you on your ass?”, I muttered. “Hell, ever since I got here, you’ve been acting like a disgruntled babysitter… I didn’t ask to be brought here, you know”. “I know”, he admitted. “It’s like I said. It’s not a good time”. “Well, get over it”, I said. “Apparently, I’m in grave danger, and need protection. Isn’t that your gig? Saving my ass?”. He chuckled. “Seems you’re pretty capable of that yourself”, he said, and stretched his back again. I stifled a smile. “I didn’t know you could do that”. “You didn’t stick around long. There’s a lot about me you don’t know”.

We stood in silence for a moment.

“So… Been dancing on any bars or tables lately?”, he suddenly asked. “Every chance I get”, I said. He nodded. “Alone?”. I let out a soft chuckle. “Are you asking if I’m seeing anyone?”. He didn’t respond. “No, Dean… We didn’t exactly agree to be exclusive; but I haven’t wanted to…”. He shook his head. “I’m sorry. It’s not my place to ask”. “Isn’t it?”, I croaked.

He ran a hand over his face and stepped further away from me. “I want it to be… God, I want…”. He looked at me. “The way I feel about you; that hasn’t changed. But the circumstances are completely different”. “How so?”, I whispered. “Me and Sam… we found out some things lately”, he said. “Some pretty earthshattering and life altering things… It’s why you shouldn’t be here… around me”. I scoffed. “What? You’re not just trying to stop the devil – you’re the living embodiment of him?”. Dean sighed. “No. that would be Sam”, he grunted. My eyes widened. “I… what?”.

Dean cleared his throat and looked at me meaningfully. “Turns out Sam and I are the human vessels of Lucifer and Michael. The archangels”. “You’re an angel?”, I gasped. “No! Hell, no”, Dean said. “But I’m Michael’s preferred meat suit. If I say yes”. “Are you going to?”, I asked. He shook his head fervently. “Absolutely not. That’s not happening. Ever”.

I took a deep breath, and blew out my nose. “Is that why you haven’t reached out? Are you afraid I’ll run away screaming?”. “No, I’m afraid you’ll get hurt, Lou!”, he growled. “Those dicks were coming for you. They’re were gonna try to bargain your life, for my yes”. I shook my head. “You should have told me”. “You were safer thinking I didn’t care”. I frowned. “But you sent Cass”, I whispered. “He wasn’t supposed to make himself known. He didn’t tell me, the winged jerk”.

“He came by so many times… even popped up in the shower with me once”, I said. “He what?”, Dean snarled. I nodded. “Yeah… let’s just say that if he felt any real pain; he’d still be limping from the blow I delivered to his balls”. Dean couldn’t hide his smile.

I sighed, and shook my head. “Dammit, Dean… Don’t you get it?”, I said. “I’m already in this… And I want to be”. “Why?”, he frowned. “Isn’t it obvious?”, I whispered. He shook his head. “No”, he muttered. “It’s not. What do you want with me? Except for the great sex, I’m not exactly a catch”.

He stepped towards me again. “You deserve a life, that’s not… this”. He gestured generally around him. “Last week Sam had to fix my dislocated shoulder, after a friggin’ demon threw me against a wall. After that, I ganked a ghost, while nursing a hangover from the half a bottle of scotch I drank, to mask the pain from a bullet grazing my leg… I’m a mess, Lou. Not boyfriend material”. “Huh…”, I said. “That sounds… bad”.

I chewed my lip. “Do you know what I was doing last week?”, I asked. He didn’t respond. “I was at my friends’ wedding. Raul and Chad got married”. I smiled. “It was beautiful. They had these amazing flower arrangements, an ice sculpture, a live band… People danced and celebrated; and had an amazing time”. I sighed. “And I was miserable. Spent the whole ordeal worried, because I didn’t know where in the world you were, or if you were even alive. I just wanted you there… I mean, you would have hated it; they only played pop-music, but… I wanted to see you, just for a second; to know you were ok – and that you still…”.

“I do…”, he muttered. “Lou…”. I tilted my head in exasperation. “I know my hurt feelings don’t come before saving the world. I get it”, I said. “But the thought of you not caring… That’s like being cut into and bled dry… Trust me, I know!”. His eyes grew sad. “I don’t want that… I’m sorry”. He took a hesitant step towards me. “I just want you to have the kind of life you deserve… I did miss you”, he muttered. “What did you miss?”, I whispered. He chuckled softly, and licked his lower lip. “Well, your smart-ass mouth, comes to mind…”. “Really?”, I smiled. “Yeah”, he shrugged. “It keeps me on my toes”. “Good to know”, I grinned.

I went to walk back towards the car; but Dean stopped me – putting a hand on my shoulder. I turned to face him again. He looked as if he was about to say something, but the words didn’t come out. He scrunched his brow, then got a determined expression his face. “Screw it…”, he growled; and pulled me towards him – planting his lips on mine. My knees instantly went weak from the melding of our lips. It was as if he was almost hungry for me – tugging at my lower lip, and searching for entry to my mouth with his tongue. I opened my lips to allow him access; and put my hand on the back of his head, as he snaked his arm around me, and held me close.

I pulled back – and with a look towards the house; which seemed far enough away to give us privacy – I opened the door to the back seat of the car. “We can go inside… We don’t have to…”, Dean began. “Sex in this car has been on my bucket list since I first saw it”, I grinned. Dean looked like he just won the lottery, and moved to let me get inside. He got in after me, and shrugged off his jacket – then met me in a passionate kiss.

Dean put his warm hand against my cheek, making me tilt my head, so he had better access to my mouth. As our kiss grew more heated, I put my hand under his arm, and onto his back; pulling him towards me, so he was laying over me. He began tugging at the hem of my tank. “Dean”, I panted. “Mhmm?”, he breathed as his lips travelled towards my neck; suckling at a spot just below my ear, that sent a pulse of warmth straight to my core. “Getting completely naked might not be the best idea…”, I said. “I think it’s a great idea”, he breathed, and tugged at my earlobe with his lips – while his hand travelled upwards under my tank, finding my breast over my bra. “I think… oh, wow. That feels amazing…”. Dean began pulling at my cardigan with his other hand. “No, Dean, stop!”, I chuckled. “It’s about 50 degrees out here. I’ll freeze”. He smirked at me. “I’ll keep you warm…”. He put his thigh between my legs, and grinded against my already pulsating core. I whimpered as the friction it caused sent waves of pleasure through my body. “Just…”, I croaked. “Pants… Just the pants, then”. Dean almost growled, and hooked his fingers into my waist band – pulling my leggings downwards – along with my panties; allowing me to keep them on, on one leg.

He looked down at my folds, and let out a pleased sigh. “This is probably my favorite place in the world…”, he smirked. “Where?”, I laughed. “The backseat of your car?”. “No”, he said. “Here…”. He slid two fingers inside me slowly – letting me feel the luscious sensation of his knuckles graze my walls. I whimpered, and threw my head back in pleasure.

I wanted to feel him, and opened his belt and the buttons of his jeans – giving me access to the hardness beyond the fabric. With both hands, I pushed at the waistband of his pants and boxers; finally freeing his erection from its confines. I took him in my hand, and followed his rhythm in my warmth; using it on his penis. I kissed his pleased smile, and our tongues met again – this time with more fervor.

My arm was being squashed by the tight confines of the otherwise quite large back seat. “This would be easier if we sat up”, Dean breathed – noticing how I was struggling. I nodded; and in a swift move, he sat up, and pulled me with him – having me straddle his lap. He slid his fingers back inside me, and I grabbed his hardness again.

I began riding his fingers, and he used the palm of his hand to create friction against my nub. As I rode, I held his member against myself stroking him up and down as I moved. The way we were sitting, and the light we still had from the setting sun; made us able to look at each other as we worked together to bring each other pleasure.

Dean’s hand found my breast under my top, and pulled the cup of my bra down; so that he could tug at my nipple. I grinded against his hand, and whimpered – making Dean smile softly at me. “God, you’re perfect”, he said. I leaned towards him, and suckled at his lip; trying to lead his penis towards my opening with my hand. “Not yet”, he breathed. “Let me… I want you to come like this”. “Why?”, I whimpered in desperation. “Feels… tighter. After”, he smirked.

He pressed harder at my front wall; and I gasped from a sudden sensation of electricity moving from my warmth and through my limbs. “Please…”, I croaked; putting my face in the crook of his neck. He kissed the spot of bare skin just next to the strap of my tank-top. “Let go, baby”, he whispered. His words sent me over the edge; and with a series of breathy moans, his fingers brought me to my climax.

Dean removed his fingers, and my hand from his member. With a firm grab on my bottom with one hand, he used the other to place himself at my entrance; then used both his hands to push my hips down – until he was fully sheathed in me.

I looked at him with dazed eyes, as he parted his lips and let out a gasp. I put my hands on Dean’s shoulders, and began moving up and down on him. The feeling of him inside me again was familiar and yet brand new. As if we were built for each other, but were both surprised about that fact.

The furrow between Deans brows as he watched me in awe, made me smile. I kissed it; making him furrow it even deeper in confusion. “What was that for?”, he breathed. “You’re cute”, I whispered. His expression darkened. “Cute?”, he said; his voice low – almost menacing. I bit my lip, and nodded. “I’ll show you cute…”, he said.

He lifted me slightly, and began thrusting into me hard; making me throw my head back and whimper in delight. “Tell me how cute I am…”, he grunted. “Adorable”, I jeered. He pounded into me hard. “A-absolutely precious”, I smiled. He went harder. “Try again…”, he growled; his eyes aflame – with just a hint of mischief. “Endearing, even”, I gasped.

Dean pushed at my shoulders, so that I leant my back against the front seat backrest. It made me lift my hips; and Dean hammered into me with such force I began to hear the mufflers squeal. “Don’t break the car!”, I croaked. Deans thumb found my bundle of nerves, the arching of my back gave him access to. I felt my walls beginning to clench around him; and I came in violent shocks around him. He put his hand behind my neck, and pulled me close to his chest; still thrusting – and using my orgasm to reach his own. Soon after; he let out an almost desperate moan, and came undone inside me.

Dean held me in his arms for a moment; my own arms slack around his neck. He kissed and suckled at my neck; stroking my hair. I shivered from the chilly air in the car; though we had managed to steam up the windows quite well. “You’re right”, Dean muttered. “It’s cold out here. Let’s get inside, before you freeze your cute ass off”. He reached for some paper towels in a box on the floor; and I lifted myself off him – letting him wipe us both off, with a smug smile.

“What?”, I chuckled, as I put my clothes back in order. “You don’t wanna know…”, he grinned. “No, really”, I said. “Tell me”. He sighed, and tucked himself back into his boxers, and closed his jeans. “This isn’t the first time I’ve had sex in this car”, he said. “I figured”, I grunted with a crooked smile. He raised a brow at me. “But it’s probably the first time where I don’t wanna just drive the girl home, and ditch her”. I smiled sweetly at him. “Aww… I’m flattered”, I said. “I guess that makes me special”.

He grabbed the back of my neck, and pulled me in for a tender kiss. “You are”, he breathed.

We got out of the impala, and walked back towards the house; not holding hands, or putting our arms around each other. We didn’t need to. The looks we sent each other spoke more than actions. Back inside, Sam and Bobby where going over an old journal. Dean stepped over to join them. “Did you two finish fighting?”, Bobby asked. “Probably never will”, Dean said quietly, and sent me a look; raising the corner of his mouth. “Dad write anything about mylings?”. “Haven’t found anything yet”, Sam said.

I went over to the desk to join them, and looked down in the journal. An old picture was poking out from the side of it, and I picked it up; looking at it. The caramel-eyed man smiling back at me from the picture made my jaw drop.

“Why do you have a picture of John?”, I asked. The three men looked at me in surprise. “You knew our dad?”, Sam breathed. I smiled in remembrance. “He was my best tipper, back when I waited tables; saving up for college”. Dean looked flabbergasted. “You must have seen him more than once, if you remember him!”, he said. I chewed at my bottom lip. “He… came in a couple of times. He was a flirt!”, I grinned. Dean groaned. “Please tell me you didn’t… not my old man!”. He looked like he was about to throw up. I laughed. “No… I mean I wasn’t opposed to the idea of it. Your dad was hot, in an older guy kind of way”. Dean heaved. “I’m gonna be sick…”.

“He was the one that taught me how to shoot… sort of. We took down a robber together”, I said. “Really?”, Sam smiled. I nodded, and recounted to them my first meeting with John Winchester. “He came in quite a few times after that. Paid my college application fee – even sent my essay for me”, I smiled. “I guess now I know why he liked the subject – being a hunter, and all”.

Sam shook his head, and sat down in a chair. “I can’t believe you met our dad… and he put you through college”, he said; looking angry for a moment. “No, Sam, he didn’t pay my tuition…”, I smiled. “He talked about you guys… didn’t give your names or anything, but he’d say how proud of you he was. Seemed like he missed you. Both of you…”. I looked into Sam’s pained eyes.

Dean looked at me in suspense. “What did he say?”, he asked. “That he lost his wife… that he had two kids, both boys. One was a straight A student, who’d gotten into Stanford. That was a big deal to him, Sam”. Sam scoffed. “Yeah? Could have fooled me…”, he muttered. “I think he was trying to make amends in some way, by helping me”, I said. “I’m sorry if that hurts you”. Sam shook his head. “No, it’s fine… It’s just a sore spot still”. He smiled slightly.

Dean swallowed hard. “Did he talk about me?”, he asked. “Said you were a ladies man, and that I should stay clear if I ever met you”, I smirked. Dean looked embarrassed. “And he told me what a great big brother you were”. Sam and Dean looked at each other for a second, before both their eyes dropped to the floor.

“How come he told you so much?”, Bobby asked. “He seemed lonely… sad, at times”, I said. “I guess he just liked talking to me. Called me Lou”, I said quietly; and looked at Dean. His lips twitched. “He saved my life…”, I whispered.  “That was dad…”, Sam smiled.

“When was the last time you saw him?”. “After the robber, he didn’t come back”, I replied. “But I got a graduation present of 500 dollars, with a note”. “What did it say?”, Dean asked. I smiled in remembrance. “Thanks for the extra cream. – J��, I said. He frowned. “What was that supposed to mean”. I shrugged. “Cherry pie”, I smiled. Sam and Dean’s faces both lit up. “Extra cream. Always get extra cream with the pie”, Dean said. “And let me guess, bacon; right?”. “Every time”, I said.

Sam looked at me questioningly. “When did you graduate?”, he asked. “About 3 years ago…”, I said. “Why?”. “That was just before…”, Dean muttered I bit my lips. “What happened to him?”, I croaked. “He sacrificed himself for me”, Dean muttered. “I died… almost”.

My eyes welled up. “Winchesters…”, I muttered. “Always throwing yourselves in the line of fire”. “Yeah…”, Sam said. “Thanks… for being his friend”. “I always thought I’d see him again someday…”, I sniveled. Dean reached for my hand, and squeezed it. “I could have been your step mom, if I’d played my cards right!” He instantly let go of my hand again. “I need a drink”, he grunted; with a terrified look on his face.

We had a drink in John’s honor, and I dried my eyes. “Let’s get back to the case”.

---

I slept on the couch again; not wanting to leave the action. I was used to being awake during the night, but the commotion of the day had tuckered me out. When I woke it was only because my head was on a document Sam needed for cross referencing. He lifted my head gently, took the papers, and set down a mug of coffee in front of me on the coffee table. “My hero”, I croaked. I looked around the room. “Where are they?”. “Bobby’s doing physical therapy in his bedroom”. “He does that?”, I asked. “Don’t tell him I told you”, Sam chuckled.

“Dean?”, I said quietly. “By the car. Your story about dad kind of got to him”, he muttered. “Oh”, I whispered. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”. Sam grabbed my hand. “No… What you told us… That means the world to the both of us… Thank you”. His puppy dog eyes were to cute to ignore. I leaned in, and gave him a hug; where he sat crouched in front of me. “I think I’m gonna go talk to him”, I said. Sam nodded. I grabbed my mug, and went to leave the house.

It was early morning, I noticed, when I stepped outside. The sky was pink and orange; making the scrap yard seem almost magical.

The impala was no longer parked near the house. Tracks in the mud let me know Dean had moved it a way down between some piles of old dishwashers. I followed the trail, and found him leaning against his car; staring up at the sky. “Always figured you’d be more of a stargazer than cloudwatcher”, I smiled. He let out a soft laugh. “Just needed some air”, he muttered. “Thank you… for telling us about my dad”. I smiled. “He was a good guy… I’m sorry he’s gone”.

Dean looked out the corner of his eye at me. I handed him my mug. “Are we good?”, I asked; as he took a sip, handing it back to me afterwards. He licked his lip, and took a deep breath. “Last night… that was amazing”, he smiled – but there was a hint of standoffishness in his voice. “But…?”, I breathed. “I don’t this it’s a good idea for us to keep it up”. He looked up at the sky. “My dad was right. You should stay clear of me”.

I wanted the earth to swallow me. “This… us. Is it over?”, I asked with a raspy voice. Dean frowned – his forehead a map of emotions I couldn’t define. “Honestly, Lou… Maybe it should be”.

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. “Ok. If that’s what you want…”, I whispered. He shook his head. “It doesn’t have anything to do with what I want”, he said exasperatedly. “We’re fighting the end of the world here…”. “I thought it was just a myling”, I grunted. Dean sighed. “Bigger picture, Lulu… I’m trying to keep you alive”. “By ending it…”. I closed my eyes. He went over to stand in front of me; and I opened my eyes to meet his pained ones. “You and me; it may have started even before we thought”. “What do you mean?”, I asked. He shook his head. “Look, I’ve already been through two near fatal incidents with you guys. On top of that, there’s the whole you going to Hell, and coming back – and the fact that I have angels and demons out to get me… I don’t think there’s anything you can say that will surprise me by now”.

He cleared his throat. “You meeting our dad… It’s too much of a coincidence”. “It’s a small world…”, I muttered. “Not that small”, Dean grunted. “Our family – generations back – has been moving towards this point. Me and Sam. Michael and Lucifer”. A chill ran down my spine. “Like… fate?”, I asked. “Ever since Abel and Cain… Angels made sure we would be born; put our parents together”. “What does that have to do with me?”, I asked.

“You met our father, became his friend – hell, you even flirted with the man”. I smirked in remembrance. “Please stop. The thought is still creeping me out”. “Sorry”, I said, and stifled a smile. He swallowed hard, and looked green for a moment. “Years later, I meet you, and we develop this connection… have earthshattering sex”. I frowned. “Sweetheart, it’s earthshattering, admit it”, he smirked.

I took a deep breath. “You’re saying angels put us together?”, I asked. “Maybe… yes”, he said. “It just makes me think that this – whatever it is we have – it’s not real. It’s all in the hands of some winged deuches, with too much time on their hands”. “And that’s bad… how?”. “Free will? Real emotion? None of that matters to you?”. “Angel’s didn’t make me fall for you, Dean”, I said. “You did”.

He shook his head. “I wish I could believe that”, he croaked. “I really do. You’re… like made for me. Your personality, your interests, you’re into hunting now; hell, even your hot ass body…”. I blushed in glee, and simultaneously felt strangely exposed. “I’m not…”, I began. “To me, you are”, Dean said, brows raised in earnest. “That’s the problem. It’s too perfect… I don’t want you to want me because some jerk angel told you to… And I don’t want to want you, because of the same reason. You having come across my dad as well… It just screams angelic intervention”.

I looked into the car; the backseat – where hours before – we’d made love. Or was it love? “Maybe you’re right”, I whispered.

Suddenly, we had company. The trench coat wearing angel was looking at us intently. “Have you had intercourse yet?”, Castiel asked. “Cas! Seriously, dude!”, Dean groaned. “Good. Then we can get back to work”.

“I’m gonna go back inside”, I muttered, and left the two men. “Lou…”, Dean called after me. “I’ll be in the house”, I said, not looking back at him.

---

Bobby and Sam were filling shotgun shells with salt at the kitchen table. Sam looked up at me; and instantly narrowed his eyes. “You good?”, he asked. I nodded and faked a smile. “Uh huh…”, I said. “How are we with getting me back home?”. Bobby raised a brow at me. “You still have Heaven and Hell tracking you”, he said. I shrugged. “I don’t think that’s an issue anymore”, I said.

I went into the living room, and looked down at some of the papers strewn across the desk. Articles on crop failures and cow mutilations. I winced in remembrance of my conversations with Dean and Sam’s father. He’d been looking for demons all along, from the looks of it. I saw one about UFO-sightings; with handwritten notes in the margin. “Angels? Trickster?”. The word trickster was scratched out, and “Gabriel” was written underneath it.

A warm hand landed on my shoulder. “What’s wrong?”, Sam asked. “It’s over”, I said. “You don’t have to worry about me”. “What happened?”, he said with a dark voice. I looked down. “Angels… it was never real”, I whispered. He sighed. “Is that what he thinks?”, he muttered. I nodded.

Sam shook his head in exasperation. “I love my brother, but he’s an idiot”, he said. “Doesn’t matter what put you in our path. You’re here now; and I for one am happy you are”. I smiled sadly. “Yeah?”, I said. Sam squeezed my shoulder. “Back when Dean went to Hell… I was a mess, and I needed a friend. You were that friend. You still are”. He kissed my forehead. “That’s not gonna change any time soon”.

I looked into his eyes, and saw John smiling back at me. “You remind me of him…”, I said. “Who?”, Sam asked. “Your dad. Too much heart for just one person”. He smiled, and looked down. “Thanks”.

Dean and Cass came back in the house. My now former lover met my eyes for a second, before looking down. “Cass has a lead on Death…”, he muttered. Sam looked at his brother coldly. “Dean…”, he began. “Not now, Sammy”, Dean said. “Please”. I grabbed Sam’s hand and squeezed it. “It’s fine”, I smiled.

I walked over to the angel. “When can I go home?”, I asked, not meeting Dean’s eyes. “I can take you right away”, he said. “What?”, Dean frowned. “What about the celestial hitmen? And demons, for that matter?”. Castiel looked at his friend calmly. “Gone since yesterday afternoon… I contacted the right people. Lulu will be safe. But she should keep the sword”.

My jaw dropped. “Since… yesterday?”, Bobby said. “Oh, balls; Cass!”. “Yes”, Cass said. “We could have avoided…”. I wanted to say breaking my heart, but decided to halt myself. Dean clenched his jaw. “Dean needed you. You’ve done your part”.

I was ready to throttle the angel right there and then. “Take me home”, I rasped. “Now”. “I can take you”, Dean said. “No”, I said. “You have a ghost to get rid of; and Cass has wings. He might be able to get me back in time for me to salvage whatever job and life I have left there”. Dean tried for a hard expression, but failed. “I’m sorry, Lou”. “Goodbye, Dean”, I said.

I looked at Cass, and nodded.

---

I was standing in my apartment. Alone.

Looking around me, I saw that my things had been searched through – drawers were opened, and my books and CD’s where strewn across the floor. My front door was slightly ajar; and I stepped over to close it. I heard a fluttering of wind behind me; and once I turned back around, I saw the angel sword laying on my kitchen table. “Thanks, Cass”, I whispered into the air. He hadn’t stayed to chat – and I was grateful.

I leant back against the door – slid down to sit – and let my tears fall.

---

A few months later.

He wakes up from another nightmare. One where his brother – in fact both his brothers – fell into a hole in the ground. When it’s not the hell-pit, it’s the dream where the girl – the perfect girl – smiles at him, kisses his cheek; and then disappears – leaving a gaping hole in his heart.

Grabbing the still half full bottle of whiskey by the motel bed; he takes a sip – when his phone rings. After seeing the number – he picks up the call. “I’m still alive…”, he grunts. “Haven’t heard from you in three days, son… You promised you wouldn’t go dark on me”, his friend responds. “What have you been up to?”. He looks at the bottle in his hand. “Dancing on tables”, he mutters. “Getting any sleep?”, his friend asks. “Too much…”, he says. “I’m sorry, Dean… But you need to move on”. He clenches his jaw. “I don’t want to talk about it”. “Well, if you’re not gonna talk to me, find someone else. You’re a mess”. “Who?”, he croaks. There is a pause. “You know who…”, his friend says.

He stands up and runs a hand over his face.

“You know I can’t do that”, he breathes. “I can’t see her”. “She’s the only one…”. “I said, I can’t!”, he roars. He hears his friend sigh. “Now you listen here, boy!”, he snarls. “That girl made you happy! Sam is gone; but that don’t mean you’re alone! You can have a life, a good life; but you choose not to – because of some horse crap about angels… She is your salvation, son!”. He sighs. “I know…”. “Then, get of your ass, and go get her!”. His friend hangs up.

Many hours later he is in Denver; having driven through the night. He doesn’t even know if she’ll take him back. And he’s not convinced she should. He sits in his car outside her building, working up the nerve to go inside; when a man in too tight jeans, a leather jacket and a fedora walks out of the door; holding it open for a woman behind him. She’s wearing a summer dress; looking like she stepped right out of his dreams.

She takes the man’s hand, kisses his cheek; and smiles.

Dean starts his car; and drives away.

[imaginedxlan]

Alpha (Part 2); Grayson

A/N: second part to my frat boy grayson because I got a few requests for more and I’m happy to give it to you. After your brush with ‘The Alpha’ at the ATO party last week, Grayson will not leave you alone until you agree to give him the chance he thinks he deserves. For those of you who watch skam, think Noora and Williams first date okay great!

aggressive asshole play boy frat boy grayson is my weak spot don’t touch me.

Part 1

warning(s): cussing

––––––––––––

Just as you’re about to leave your 8 am, yoy remember you needed to talk to your professor about an assignment that was due. As you make your way down the lecture hall stairs, you hear a whistle come from behind you.

“Up here baby girl!” A voice shouts, making you and your professors heads shoot up yo look at whoever just cat called you. “Miss me?”

“Ignore him.” You say quietly before continuing on to ask your question. Once you drag it out for as long as you can, you brace yourself for another meeting with The Alpha. “So what, are you stalking me now?”

“I told you I wasn’t giving up on you.” He reminds you of the promise he made a little over a week ago. “Wait up, why are you walking so fast.”

“I have things to do.” You lie, you don’t have another class until tomorrow morning, just be doesn’t have to know that. “Goodbye Grayson.”

“I know you’re lying to me.” He shouts, making you stop. “You don’t have another class today.”

“So you are stalking me.”

“Let me tell you something about myself, y/n.” He says, walking closer to you, making you instinctively move back. “I have friends in high places.”

You roll your eyes and walk away, hoping that your curtness shows how uninterested you are in him. But oh, how wrong you were. For the next few days Grayson, without fail, has been waiting outside all of your classes. Doesn’t he have classes to go to?

The next Friday, two weeks after you first met Grayson, you weren’t feeling too well so you texted one of your classmates to give you notes for the class and decided to stay in your dorm.

Avoiding me?

An unknown number. It doesn’t take long for you to realize it’s Grayson, who else would be texting you directly after you were supposed to be leaving class asking if you’re avoiding them.

How did you get this number?

You had no idea who would’ve given him your number, what whoever it was will forever be on your shit list.

Well y/n, remember how I said I have friends in high places? Turns out I have friends in pretty low places too

As if that gave you anything to work with. You audibly groaned before turning onto your side to pout. Your sister was none too pleased when you told her about your stalker.

“It’s disgusting y/n, I hope you see that.” She says in absolute disgust. “You’re a baby. If something is barely legal it’s not right.”

As much as you agreed with the fact that Grayson stalking you was weird and gross, you hated how she kept saying you were a baby. You aren’t. You’re eighteen, a legal adult, for all the law care you could marry Grayson right now and it would be fine. Not that you would ever do that.

“Just be careful around him okay?” She reiterates. “I’m worried about you with him, he goes to very far lengths to get his way.”

You kept that in the back of your mind for the next few days. He’d already gone to one of his ‘friends in high places’ to get your schedule and one of his ‘friends in low places’ to get your number. What’s next? Your address.

“You can’t ignore me forever.” You hear Grayson’s oh so familiar voice as you walk out of your first class on Monday morning. “The more you ignore me the more I’ll want my way.”

A whole year of Grayson waiting outside every classroom for tot, deterring any guy from ever coming up to you. Sounds like torture.

“What do you want?”

“A chance.” He says bluntly, making you scoff. How cheesy. “I mean it, you already have an idea of me in your head and it’s not fair. I’m a person too y/n, don’t I deserve a shot.”

“From what I hear about you,” You begin, narrowing your eyes at him. “You may not even be human, Alpha.”

“See that’s what I mean!” He whines, sounding like a four year old. “You don’t even know me yet you’ll listen to what everyone else says about me.”

“If everyone is saying it, I’m pretty sure it’s true Grayson.”

He lets out a mixture of a sigh and a groan and leans his head back, running his hands through his hair. He’s stressed, you can tell.

“If you really don’t like me that much, why don’t you just give me one chance to get rid of me?” He asks, making you think about it. “Come on, just once. If you still hate me I’ll leave you alone okay?”

You start to weight your options. In no world did Grayson even deserve one chance, but then again, what’s an hour of your life if you’re going to be able to save yourself from hours of him keeping tabs on you for the next nine months. If you’re thinking morally, you’d never go out with Grayson. But logically, to spare yourself from further annoyances down the line, it may be worth it.

“Fine.” You finally crack. “Whatever, one shot.”

“I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist this.” He puts on a sly grin and motions to his body. “It was only a matter of time.”

“You’re a pig.” You spit, walking away before you kill more brain cells talking to him.

“See you soon, Doll face!” He shouts after you, making your face go bright red. Thank god he couldn’t see you. “Wear something hot.”

You did not wear something hot, in fact you did quite the opposite. Two nights later you walked out of your dorm building in leggings and a big sweater, not giving a single care that you were in Los Angeles in September, you were not going to risk showing any skin. You didn’t do your makeup or your hair, you just got out of the shower, threw on the first things you found and left. 

It didn’t take long for you to find Grayson, he was leaving against a topless Jeep Wrangler, the ultimate douchebag car in your opinion. He was wearing khaki shorts and a plain navy blue shirt.

“Well don’t you look nice.” He says, finally looking up from his phone. “Let’s go.”

“You better not be taking me back to that disgusting frat house.” You warn him. “Tell me now so I can get out of the car.”

Grayson dramatically gasps and smacks his hand over his heart. “Do you really think so low of me?”

“I don’t think about you at all.” You correct him, which was false. You thought of him, not in the best way thought. “Will you just tell me where we’re going.”

“You’ll just have to find out Ms. y/n,” He says as he starts to drive away from your dorm. “I’m full of surprises.”

And with that you drive, a drive for what feels like hours until you stop in a parking lot of what seems like a park. Without a word, Grayson gets out of the car and opens the backdoor to grab a cooler.

“Coming?” He asks shutting the door. You look at him, and then look away. “Alright, i’ll be over there.”

He walks away from the car and puts a towel on the ground and starts to pull food out of the cooler. He planned a picnic. You were in awe that ‘The Alpha’ could ever put anything like this together. You let out a heavy sign and got out of the car. You sat on the opposite end of the towel and watched him pull everything out.

“I didn’t know what you liked so I brought peanut butter and jelly and chocolate milk.” He tells you, pulling out two seran wrapped sandwiches and bottles on chocolate milk. “If you hate it there’s a McDonalds not too far from here.”

Wow, you think. Where was this version of Grayson when you first met him. You shook your head and told him that you were fine with everything. You two didn’t talk much, but the cars and sounds of people filled the silence. Once you finished, you thought it was time for you both to head home, but Grayson to head home. Before you could get up he stops you.

“You didn’t think this was all I had planned, did you?” He asks and you furrow your eyebrows. “Let me clean this up, then follow me.”

So you did, and he brought you a few blocks away to a seemingly glowing building. The Museum of Neon Art.

“Remember my friend in a low place?” He asks you, and you nod. “They may have told me you liked this kind of stuff.”

“You don’t?” You ask.

“Never really found a reason to check it out I guess,” He replies, looking over at you with a side grin. “But now I do.”

You roll your eyes and walk into the building, Grayson follows and pulls out his wallet to pay your admission fee.

“I am fully capable of paying for myself thank you very much.” You inform him, going to reach for your wallet but he grabs your wrist before you can. You felt how warm his hand was, even after he pulled it away.

“I know you are,” He tells you. “Call me old fashioned but I always pay for a girl on the date.”

“This isn’t a date.” You correct him.

“Yeah okay,” He says with a laugh. “Whatever helps you sleep at night sweetheart.”

“Don’t call me that.” You warn him. You give in and allow him to pay for your ticket and head inside. It’s better than you could have ever dreamed. Everything was just so cool, you felt like you didn’t belong somewhere this amazing. Grayson just followed behind you, didn’t complain about how long you took, just let you take everything in and you appreciated that.

Eventually, you left, not before you dragged Grayson to every sign, but you did leave. You walked back to his car in the dark. The car ride back to campus was quiet other than the radio. You tapped your fingers on the window to the beat of the song and you felt Grayson’s eyes on you.

“What?” You ask him, not looking at him.

“You fidget a lot,” He tells you, letting out a quick chuckle. “It’s cute.”

You didn’t know how to respond to that, so you changed the subject.

“How many girls have you taken there.” You ask, not sure if you really want the answer, but you ask anyway.

“None.” He says almost immediately.

“Bullshit.”

“Swear on my life.” He defends his words. “Look, y/n, I never have to prove myself to girls. They usually just sleep with me, tell their friends, and I never speak to them again. I don’t really date, this is a new thing for me. You are the only girl that I have ever brought to either of those places.”

For some reason you were relieved, unsure if it was because you didn’t want to share that experience with another girl, or because you didn’t want to share Grayson with another girl.

You made it back to campus, much quicker than when you left, and you felt a small pit form in your stomach. It was one time, there was no chance you actually liked Grayson ‘Alpha’ Dolan.

“Thanks for the night,” You speak up after sitting in the car for a few minutes. “I had fun.”

“Yeah,” He sighed. “I’m an excellent date planner.”

Your jaw drops at his incredibly large ego. “Not a date.”

“Okay, maybe this one wasn’t a date.” He puts his hands up. “But the next one definitely will me.”

With yet another eye roll, you get out of the car and slam the door shut but turn around one more time. “Goodnight Grayson.”

“Goodnight, Y/n.”

[zzamoree]

DO MORE OF WHAT YOU WANT AND LESS OF WHAT YOU SHOULD

When I was 15, I stopped believing in coincidences. 

I had just graduated high school, and apart from the majority of my classmates, I wasn’t applying for the local college. I was ready to move out. Move far.

Go somewhere that made sense for me. 

I had known this since the first day I came back to studying in Mexico.  From 7 to 12 years old, I was crossing the border to the USA, in a van, every day, for elementary school. In my last semester, my schedule consisted of attending 5th grade in an American school during the morning, and getting dropped off in the evenings at a Mexican elementary school. I had to be ready to attend junior high the next semester. 

It wasn’t that I preferred the American school, but I also wasn’t a massive fan of the city I was living in, so I chose neither. I applied for the State College, 5h away from both places, in the Capital of the State. 

Since I’m the youngest of 3 children, and also the only woman, the idea of going away at the age of 15, to the capital, wasn’t so alluring for my parents. When I mentioned the possibility, my father walked over my words as if I was a tiny Smurf being obliviously missed by a giant. My mom said loud and clear. NO. 

But then again, these people were my example of persistency and commitment. So I persisted in my desires, and  committed to taking whatever it took to get me there. 

I had this non verbal agreement with my dad, that evolve from a very fair tantrum, when I was 14. You see, I wanted a hamster, and my dad used to park next to an animal shop when he picked my mother from work. So I gave him, every week, the exact amount of the price of a hamster, hoping he would get me one… but it never happened. It’s funny my dad stole from me. Well, actually, it was my mother who kept the money. 

So, I waited for a whole year for a goddam hamster, and never got it. So I made a tantrum and, fair enough, he agreed to turn the tables again, and give me every week my money back. I used that money to pay for the college admission fee. I lied one morning saying I was going to a friends house, and instead, I went to take the admission exam. On the 17-06-2012 I became student #350 from the Ateneo Fuente. 

I felt so confident about my journey that when I approached my parents to share my results, I was basically just letting them know I was going there. I wasn’t asking for their permission.

From there on, nothing was a coincidence, but I didn’t know it back then.

Juan Antonio de la Fuente, a renowned lawyer and jurist who had defended the sovereignty of Mexico as a representative of the country at the European courts for Foreign Intervention, was the founder of the university. I didn’t know this back then, but I ended up choosing International Relations as my BA.

For Uni, I wanted a bigger challenge. I wanted to move to a bigger city, so I applied the same method and shneakishly applied for a uni +5 hours further away.   Ta- Da! the method works! I got in. *cough* With a 40% scholarship. *cough*

Then another challenge came: I had to graduate with a 3rd language. So I went to Italy to learn Italian.  Tasted Europe for the first time. Tasted so good it left me with midnight cravings and midlife crisis.  ‘‘ I’m coming back, I’m coming back’’ I promised to myself. 

Made it back! But a bit more to the north, in the Netherlands.  …and believe it or not, Italian was also very useful here. Thanks to that, I got a lovely Italian lady that recommended a real state lady who found the lovely dutch house I live in today. 

I never pictured myself living in the Netherlands. Same as Phillips didn’t imagine a whole town would remember his name for eternity: Eindhoven, NL. 

I didn’t knew it back then, but I’m a creative. A designer of stories. Eindhoven is the leading city of design in the Netherlands. Furniture, Light, Architecture, Photography, Graphics, VR. Anything and Everything is here. I got here because love called me up here. A love I also didn’t see coming, since I had just ended a 5 year relationship with who I thought I was going to marry. 

I’m about to become a quarter of a century and I had this flashback / realisation today. 

Do you still think casualties are possible? or are you just not ready to embrace the call for your own destiny? 

P.S The illustration is a design for my first ever business card :D but is a quote I would like more people to know. So I pictured it in hanging in bus stops. 

[a-lbeit]

2018: a year in review

rang in the new year with really good people actually watching the ball drop for the first time in a few years. it always makes me sad in a happy way.

had my friend (from california) i met while studying in berlin come to visit!!! but there was a giant (relatively speaking) snowstorm that came through, so we had to rearrange a couple things we had planned on doing. but most things worked out, especially since i didn’t have to go to work for like 5 days lmfao. we did a ghost tour, went to a few historical sites, and even drove to savannah for a day.

went to waffle house with a few people the night before i left for my last semester at american university and....tbh....started feeling some things about someone again (but it’s gone away lmao)

returned to dc for the last time for a while

actually started booking things for the best goddamn spring break -- a trip to western south dakota to visit badlands national park and everything around it

saw the devil makes three

started an internship with rock creek park, my own door into the nps

went to the bars on u street for the first time for my friend’s birthday. almost got projectile vomited on during the pregame lmfaooooo

saw arlo guthrie

got moviepass at the height of it. i saw many films with it, some of my favorites being lean on pete, three billboards outside ebbing, missouri, and bad times at the el royale. however, the company obviously went downhill. i was all right with only being able to see 3 movies a month, because for 10 bucks, that’s still not bad. but then showtimes started disappearing and i finally gave up hope. it was nice while it lasted. 

took my german midterm and skrrted right out of dc to embark on one of the greatest journeys of my life. i’d had this spring break in mind for a year and a half, and i feel so grateful that i could actually accomplish virtually everything i had dreamed of:

drove to dayton, ohio, then waterloo, iowa, then wall, south dakota, my final destination. along the way, i saw a zoo that was my window to a west i had only ever heard about, a statue of abraham lincoln right next to the mississippi, the world’s largest truck stop, a hobo memorial, an intricate and delicate and intriguing grotto, a tri-state marker, a corn palace, the goddamn missouri river, and all the farmland and life that make up the heartland of the united states. i was mesmerized and i had barely started.

reached my motel in the evening with a backdrop of the sunset over the badlands, got nervous by a group of men wearing camo and carrying what seemed to be hunting or fishing gear, went to dairy queen, and came back to a once-again empty motel parking lot. i felt better.

spent the next day in the national park. it was the off season, so the entrance i went through was unmanned. i saw countless sheep and prairie dogs, sometimes within a few feet of me, and admired the bright, layered colors in the rock. i played springsteen’s “badlands” with nobody in sight, miles of land in every direction that seemed both right there and unreachable at the same time. the visitor’s center had information and nice people. the cliff shelf trail was a small introduction to my hiking in the park. the notch trail was fun and gave me a bruise and let me see the badlands as they are meant to be seen -- you get to climb a ladder and get into the formations. there is an astonishing view, but if you go a bit further than most people do, it’s even more incredible. i lay down backwards and looked at everything upside down. i drove back the way i came and stopped to admire the sunset over the jagged and far-off edges. it was still the beginning.

(got an email saying i was accepted into the disney college program lmfao)

with the next day came a further destination. in belle fourche, sd, there is the true geographical center of the us. you go down a gravel road for around 8 miles. it’s scary when the fog doesn’t let you see more than 200 feet in front of you and the farms on either side of you are encased in snow. but the mysticism surrounding the decor -- a homemade cross, a simple “the true center of the nation” declaration, and various hiking boots stuck in the fence -- especially when you seem to be the only person for miles, is surreal. i left there and finally found my way out of the fog and went on into wyoming to see devils tower. the sky was a piercing blue and i was blinded by the light, but snow is always on the ground that time of the year, i guess, and i hiked knee-deep through 2 miles of it. i dropped to my knees in happiness like a weakling when i saw my car again, but i felt like cheryl strayed. people feed the prairie dogs so much there that they come right up to you. the squeaks were unending and cute. i drove the 2 or 2.5 hours back, mostly in the dark, my feet water-logged but my heart full.

i drove to mount rushmore the next day. it’s strange always knowing of something and finally seeing it in person. i love the sculpture and i don’t know how people are able to do things like that. i wish i could have hiked closer to it, but the trails were still closed for winter. then, through the black hills i continued, coming up to the crazy horse memorial and reluctantly paying the admission fee, although i know it helps their progress. i know i probably won’t be alive when (and if) it’s completed, but it’s nice to see at least part of it. i wish i could go up to it. maybe one day. wind cave national park came after, and i saw bison munching on grass 10 feet away from me. i wish i could have gone into the cave. maybe one day. i walked along the grassland without a jacket on. i couldn’t believe it. i left and took the backroads to return to mount rushmore to see it at night. it was scary, especially navigating the never-ending curves in the black of the unpopulated areas, but coming closer to the monument, i passed through one-car tunnels that framed the sculpture perfectly. 

the next day was my second time around at the badlands. i hiked half of the castle trail and climbed some of the formations, able to admire all i could see from a throne made of crumbly rock. there was fog in the morning which lifted to another sunny day. there were cacti and deer and even phone lines. the shadows in the creases of the hills kill me with their nonchalant elegance. i went back to my motel and came back into the park at night. i had never seen so many stars, although it was so goddamn frightening being in a parking lot unable to see 5 feet in front of me that i left after a few minutes.

my last day, i was supposed to go to jewel cave national monument, but it snowed and caused some of the roads to close. instead, i walked through the storm to wall drug store and meandered around the kitschiness. i want to bring people there to show them how incredible it is. 

i drove back to washington over the next 3 days, stopping at the now snow-covered badlands for one last look, the green giant in minnesota, effigy mounds national monument, dubuque, and everywhere in between along the way.

native american history around all of the places i have mentioned is rich and cannot be underestimated. i didn’t talk about it, but these places are of course sacred to the tribes of the region and it is paramount to respect that. i think the nps tries to educate, but it could do more.

i went about 4,200 miles on that trip. i miss the days of driving with my playlist that took months to create. 

i came back to washington and didn’t really talk about my journey except for a mention of it when discussing what we had done over spring break in german class. i love to recount this 10 day period, but i don’t do so very much because i feel inarticulate and i don’t want to minimize the effect it has had on me. 

saw langhorne slim, don mclean, and george ezra (on 3 separate occasions)

was a part of park rx day with rock creek park

saw old crow medicine show (which has become a yearly tradition i guess lmfao)

went to the graduation happy hour for the library circulation desk. that night was something i’ll never forget. i miss that place so much.

the next day, drove to clemson to see melissa graduate! what a time in our lives. then promptly drove back to dc for my own graduation

but the night before my ceremony, i saw david byrne. it was wild but not as great as i had hoped, mostly because i couldn’t see too well.

graduated from american university, but continued to be on its campus a few days a week until mid-august because i couldn’t bear the thought of leaving the library or the campus. i love that place more than i thought i ever would. 

saw shakey graves 2 days in a row, as you do

saw pussy riot thanks to a recommendation from my german professor

visited my work friend’s farm just outside of baltimore

saw pauly d dj at a club lmfaoooooo

found a shark’s tooth at calvert cliffs state park

went to new york for a day to visit brandon before he moved to san francisco! i got in around 5:30am and had the first part of the day to myself. i went to staten island and all the nps sites downtown, then met him at his brother’s apartment a couple blocks from central park (???!!!!). we went to greenwich village, ate lunch at the white horse tavern, and then had a second lunch from mcdonald’s in washington square park. he had to go after a while, but i walked over to the high line to see the sunset. i walked ~45k steps that day but the joy is remembered more than the pain in the end.

i worked and flirted with a nice guy. i might visit him in california in may. 

went to nashville to see paul simon with my friend callie. we rocked and enjoyed trashy nashy. that same day, paul simon announced his final show in queens was to be in september. i thought about how i could attend. 

we came back to charleston through the smokies and went swimming in the rain. the beauty of that area is unlike anything else. then we met lauren for lunch and it was so goddamn nice. i wish it could have been for longer. 

saw harry styles bc i love myself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

had a couple friends visit and we did the touristy stuff of dc. it was nice to do that with people for once. 

had a couple more friends visit and we went to asbury park for the fourth of july. it was atmospheric and i couldn’t believe i was in springsteen’s stomping ground, especially as one of his song’s namesakes. 

saw southside johnny and the asbury jukes

saw a ship belonging to the spanish navy when it docked in charleston for a couple days

started my second long trip of the year

drove from dc to cleveland, first of all. i spent as much time as i could in the rock and roll hall of fame. i saw all the stuff i had learned about in my rock and roll history class and stuff i had grown up with and everything else i didn’t know about. “bruce juice,” pete seeger’s banjo head, and a couple free games of pinball were memorable moments. then, i went on to the cleveland museum of art, where i took a photo i wasn’t supposed to and recognized a couple pieces from my art class sophomore year. i loved cleveland way more than i thought i would and saw myself as a resident there.

went to cuyahoga valley national park the next morning, admiring the only national park in ohio with its waterfalls and greenery, and continued on to bowling green, kentucky. on the way, i went to kent state (which affected me more than i thought -- the military is too often a disgusting institution).

took a 4 hour tour deep into mammoth cave and saw things i couldn’t have even fathomed before. i couldn’t really wrap my head around the fact that we were underground where it is always dark yet still teeming with life. the change in humidity when coming back outside made my camera fog up for a good few minutes. it was funny, really. afterwards, i took advantage of the parts of mammoth cave national park that light does touch -- i got soaked in a rainstorm but seeing the green river and having a butterfly land on my finger were things i will always remember. wet and cold, i went on a second tour of a different part of the cave by lantern light in the evening. we saw cave graffiti and even a bat.

i left that area and moved on to the cumberland gap. it was the day before my 22nd birthday and i was in 3 states at once (for the second time this year). “salt seeking buffalo, moccasin clad warriors, dreaming pioneer, battling civil war soldiers. each was here in the historic cumberland gap, and now so are you.” [punctuation added] has got to be one of my favorite signs i’ve ever seen. it conveys the history in simple terms, which is the way i like things. it’s endlessly meaningful without being pretentious. 

on my birthday, i toured the forbidden caverns near the smokies, then hiked some of the alum cave bluffs trail. i wish i could have done the whole thing, but i was short on time, as i wanted to be back in charleston by the evening to celebrate my birthday with my parents. 

the day after, i slept in for once, went to the angel oak with melissa, and saw brian wilson and the gang perform all of pet sounds with callie. it was nice but there were so many empty seats that it was a little sad. 

started my travels again, going back to the smokies area but stopping in blowing rock first and then going down the blue ridge parkway. the next day, i went to pigeon forge and rode an alpine coaster and finally did a somewhat substantial hike in the smokies -- charlies bunion. i saw a mother bear and her 2 babies and was alone on the trail with a beautiful deer. after that hike, i did the tail of the dragon drive and went to fontana dam, where the fog along the water made for an otherworldly feeling in my heart. 

came back to charleston once again, but not before swimming around looking glass falls and feeling that this is what summer should look like. also made a stop at the carl sandburg home nhs.

started my drive back to dc for the last time, but took the scenic route -- south of the border, luray caverns, and the hardest hike i’ve ever done over in shenandoah. the famed old rag. it was a rainy tuesday, and the rocks were slippery. i didn’t see a single other person. i clutched those rocks for dear life at times, but i made that 10 mile hike and it was invigorating. i miss getting grimy in the forest. 

that whole trip took me 3,755 miles around the eastern us with my ipod, 60s on 6, and phlash phelps’s voice in the morning as my soundtrack. 

acknowledged in my head that it was nearly time to the leave the library, a home of mine for the past three and a half years. i told people the date of my departure and it inched closer despite my desire for time to stop progressing. 

had a tour of the towers of the national cathedral. it’s not something many people have done and i’m glad to have seen the not-so-showy parts of the structure, along with a closer-up look at the showy parts we know and love. 

had a visit from lauren -- we went to nando’s, the portrait gallery, and thrift shops with paige. i wish it would have lasted longer. 

went to six flags with my friend from work, where we rode every ride we wanted to. it was carefree, even though my pants ripped. 

my final day at the library inevitably came and went. instagram follows and facebook friends increased as i knew this was now the only way to see the people i had known for so long. i got choked up, and i’m choked up even writing this. to say i miss it is to put it very insignificantly. i have left some of myself there. 

went back to new york for a few days, where i met up with my father so that we could see a concert in central park celebrating the greenwich village folk scene of the 60s. the mc was richard barone, who we’d met 2 years prior when he gave us a tour of greenwich village. on that trip, i saw theodore roosevelt’s birthplace (thank god for him, sincerely), the cloisters, staten island again, the seinfeld restaurant, and even coney island. we took the bus back to dc and drove my ‘97 ford escort back to charleston.

for the few days i had in charleston before moving to orlando to work for disney, i hung out with people like old times. trivia, the beach, apartments. the circuit. 

i really fuckin moved to orlando, i guess. i moved in with 7 other people. we resort-hopped before we got our entrance passes to the parks. i felt mostly unmoved by the orientations that they try so hard to brainwash us with. i took a huge paycut coming here. 

i started working at the food and wine festival. goddamn, i miss working at epcot. i saw the groovin alps play their bavarian percussion music and i poured beer and served lobster rolls and korma chicken and lentil stew and everything in between. i met dozens of beautiful people, some of whom are gone back now to from where they came. but i’m still here. 

i mentioned earlier that paul simon announced back in june that his final concert would be in queens in late september. i bought a ticket the day they went on sale and was determined to find a way to attend. i did. i flew to new york for a few days -- came into penn station from newark, walked around to greenwich village and the brooklyn bridge and went to the museum of the moving image late in the evening on a friday when it was free. the next day, i visited the queens museum in flushing-meadows corona park (where the concert was also being held) and was in line for the show by 11:30am. i waited for like 8 hours in all, but i was front row. that final paul simon show (which we all know isn’t really the final one, but it did have a certain finality to it) was transformative for me, paul, and everyone else in the audience. i saw lorde, jimmy fallon, and john mulaney. i cried and was recorded and tapped along and admired the performances of “the cool, cool river” and “the obvious child” and every other goddamn song he played. i stuck around as long as i could. the next day, i flew back to orlando and returned to work, but i felt different. 

lived the typical life of a college program participant: work, go to the parks, work, go to the parks, sleep. 

voted somewhere along the way and was overjoyed that democrats took back the house. 

went to st augustine with sarah

eventually, the food and wine festival ended and i was transferred to port orleans riverside, where i currently am. it’s awful but i’m alive. 

spent thanksgiving, christmas, and every other holiday at work. it wasn’t really a big deal but it was obviously depressing. 

at the beginning of december, broke down and bought a plane ticket back to dc. i had to pick up a poster from the anthem (a music venue), anyway. i stayed with paige and saw my old work friends and just had a good time. goddamn, it was cold, but it was worth it. i finally was able to tour the department of the interior and and i went to theodore roosevelt island for the first time since like freshman year. we even saw zoo lights and went to the christmas pop-up bar on 7th street again. 

played basketball one time lmao

played jackbox countless times with my roommates and we made a few trips to jellyrolls, one of the best parts of disney world. i love to go there and sing and hear the piano.

spent new year’s eve at jellyrolls, coincidentally, where i stole a noisemaker and we all wore hats and sang “auld lang syne” when the clock struck midnight, just as you’re supposed to do. 

laughed and cried while going through so many large life changes but still understanding that there is always some sort of constant in your life

drove more than i think i ever have before

went to several of the concerts they had for the food and wine festival -- saw people like air supply, starship, and the plain white t’s

listened to countless hours of music -- i think my most listened-to artists were springsteen, dylan, paul simon, maybe david cassidy, old crow medicine show, and lorde. 

song of the year: “fare thee well (dink’s song),” marcus mumford and oscar isaac (from inside llewyn davis). it’s an incredible song to travel to.

was always conflicted about working for disney, but really became disgusted with the corporation the more i worked here. i will be happy to not work for them anymore when the time comes because it makes me so uncomfortable to be employed by an entity that doesn’t give a shit about its employees and milks every single fucking penny that it can out of its customers, all under the guise of being giving and magical by using terminology such as “interactions,” “magical moments,” and “guests”

considered my options after this is all over

loved the national park service and even wrote a capstone on it

2018 was the most eventful year of my life. i am not in school for the first time that i can remember; i have a degree. i travelled to more of the us than i ever knew really existed, i saw incredible concerts, and i met some truly wonderful people. but of course, the difficult moves that come along with a year like this were depressing. i knew i would be completely heartbroken when i had to leave the library back in august, but i didn’t realize how sorry i would also be to see my roommates go back to their homes at the end of their tenure at disney. it’s been 2 days, but i miss being able to hang out with them. to gain all the life experience i did, it was necessary to lose some really great parts of my old life. and that blew. but you get over it. 

this year in review has taken me so long to write because i had so much to include that it seemed overwhelming to try to articulate it all. i think back to when i would wait until the night before a paper was due to start it, and i feel the same way. but the power in finishing it and having something tangible that points to a certain time in your life and explains the way you felt at that moment is like nothing else. even if the paper you write is shit, it never seems as bad (at least, to me) when you return to read through it a year or two later. it’s your thoughts set in stone, frozen in time. it’s a nice reminder. and i really enjoy writing these posts and i generally like what i write and how i say things, despite the inevitable procrastination in doing so.

i always think of “auld lang syne” when i do a year in review. sure, it’s a standard song for the new year and these year in reviews are written on or around the new year. but to write this, i have to think back to days gone by, before the year even started. and i get this feeling in my stomach of nostalgia and wistfulness (i’ve written about it before, i know) reflecting on the good ol days of these past 365 days and the times before them. we live in strange times right now, especially during what has become a two-week long (and counting!) partial government shutdown, but the memories of the warm past and the dreams of a better future are always going to be around to steady your head. without the abstract, how would we get to the concrete?

“we all cherish our children’s futures. and we are all mortal.”

[jwrightsadventures]

The St. Louis Zoo

As someone who has visited zoos across our country, I have to say that the St. Louis Zoo is one of the best America has to offer. It is constantly on the list as one of the best zoos in the country, and it lives up to the hype. This wonderful place, is FREE! Yes, you read that right, it costs you $0.00 to get into the St. Louis Zoo. There are some optional features that you do have to pay for within the zoo’s footprint, such as the train or the sea lion show, but those are great experiences worth the price. Parking does cost if you want to park in one of the zoo’s parking lots, however, there is quite of bit of parking long the streets of forest park which is completely free.

While some animal habitats are older than others, they are constantly working on improving the experience that zoo goers will have while visiting. The St. Louis zoo has come up with some of the more unique animal viewing experience that I have seen during my travels, it's worth noting that the penguin exhibit is one I consider a can’t miss experience. In addition to constantly improving the visitor experience, the animals receive world-class veterinary care.

Since this zoo doesn’t charge admission fees, it is extremely popular. My advice is to get there early in the day if possible. This not only helps with parking, but it also helps a bit with crowds. My final tip would be to visit some of the more popular areas first such as the penguins and the polar bear because they do tend to draw a crowd as the day goes on.

If you happen to be in the area, don’t skip this zoo. It is worth the time!

[nicolebradshawphotography]

Road Trip!! Part Three: Digital Tools

I hope y’al didn’t think I’d forgotten to update you on our road trip planning this week! ‘Cuz I didn’t. Yesterday was just my birthday, and I decided to take the day off and enjoy my personal holiday (I caught up on some much-needed sleep!). Anyway, this week’s road trip planning topic is covering all the digital tools and apps that I’m using to actually plan this road trip. I have to say, planning a road trip in the digital age is a WHOLE LOT easier than it was when I was a kid… We were old school- we used an actual paper map! It’s also a whole lot more fun, because you find attractions, museums, and parks that you might have otherwise missed! So, here are the apps I’m using to plan this road trip:

Roadtrippers: this is an app that was recommended to me by a wonderful group on Facebook called Girl Camper. There are a whole lot of really resourceful and independent women in that group who do exactly what we’re planning to do: road trip and camp their way across the United States. So, when they all recommended this app, I knew it was worth a try. Turns out, this is one of my new favorite things! It does have a $33/year fee, but it is well worth it! This app maps your trip, provides suggestions for places to stay, eat, and play, and also gives you stats like mileage, estimated gas expenditure, and number of hours of driving required. Seriously, if you’re planning a road trip of any sort, check it out!

Packing List: this is another gem of an app that I’ve come across! It’s $2.00 lifetime membership fee is MORE than worth it! This little app allows me to create packing lists for all sorts of things, with sublists in there, as well! For example, I have a Camping list, with sublists for my cook kit, pantry box, and equipment box, so I don’t have to go through the entire list to make sure I packed something! It has already saved me so much brain space! Bonus: it allows me to actually check things off as I pack them, and it lets me designate specific numbers of items (i.e. number of shirts!)!

Recreation.gov: this is an awesome little gem for all of us campers who like to use state an national parks to camp! It allows us to reserve camping spots in advance, as well as pay for them up front. I have found so many camp grounds around New Mexico that I knew absolutely nothing about beforehand! I’m excited to use this on the road to see where we are able to find spots to camp each night!

KOA: If you’ve never heard of the KOA chain before, well, now you have. This is their app, and it works just like any other hotel reservation app, except this is for their private campground locations! It’s easy to use, and includes all sorts of information about their different locations- seriously, some of these places have full-on waterparks on their premises!

Travelocity: I realize that there will probably be some nights where the weather is just too bad to be able to camp, or we might find ourselves in a location where a campground isn’t available. Because of this, this app is my go-to for finding local hotels and motels. I’ve been using it for years (the old gnome commercials sucked me in!) for travel of all sorts- booking flights and hotels where I either couldn’t, or didn’t want to camp, and so on.

NPS: this app is produced by the National Park Service, and it’s comparable to having your own personal park ranger, right in your pocket! They’ve programmed all sorts of information on ALL of the parks into this app. You can find basic visitor’s info, such as when the parks open, how much tickets/admission fees are, locations of ranger stations, maps, and so on, but you can also find information on the history, geology, biology, and other pertinent information on the park! Oh, and if you have a student going into 4th grade, or just finishing up 5th grade this summer, you should totally get this app and pair it with the NPS Every Kid in a Park pass, which basically gets your entire family into the parks for free!

Fotospot: I’m excited to try this app out! It gives you the location of different fun photo spots all over the country, and as a photographer, I’m always looking for fun backdrops to shoot against! However, I do caution people to use this app with a dose of common sense! I noticed when I looked at the suggested locations for Albuquerque, some of them were private residences (albeit interesting ones!), and these should NEVER be photographed- or even entered!- without the owner’s consent.

HearHere: this is another app I’m excited to try out! A few years ago, actor Kevin Costner teamed up with a few other people to create an app that allows you to hear the history of different locations throughout the Southern and Western U.S. (they’re working on the rest!). The app features 2-3 minute stories of all those statues, roadside history markers, and other often wondered about sites.

iExit: this app promises to give you recommendations for gas stations, lodgings, and restaurants for each interstate exit along your chosen path. As a mom who will be driving with 3 boys with very little patience, I’m excited to try this app out and see how accurate it is, because when those lunchtime hunger pains kick in, and echos of ‘no more sandwiches’ start ringing, I need to feed them quick!

Modern-day road trip planning has certainly become a whole lot easier, and a whole lot more fun through the use of apps that help provide information that we would have only stumbled across when I was a kid! I’m looking forward to using these digital tools, and seeing what they help us find and do. However, I also plan to keep a road map and compass in the car- just in case technology fails!

Next up on the to-do list: Car entertainment for kids! I’m putting together age-appropriate road trip journals for both Christopher and Joshua, as well as looking at other options for keeping them entertained along the way.

[azvolrien]

Berlin - Day 4

I got up at about 8.30 again and headed off for the natural history museum – on foot this time, as it’s relatively within walking distance; I’d estimate about 20mins/half an hour from the hotel, but the public transport link would have been rather convoluted and probably would have taken longer than walking. Either way I arrived about ten minutes before opening time, so I paused for a quick croissant before the doors opened and bought my ticket. Perhaps the museums at home have spoiled me but there’s a part of me that resents having to pay to get into a museum.

However, this one was worth the admission fee. It’s not remotely as big as the one in London, even including the floors closed for renovation (only the ground floor is currently open to the public), but the collection they do have on display is spectacular.

The first thing you see coming in the door (after the foyer) is the Dinosaur Hall, which houses a lot of fossils, not all of dinosaurs, and four gigantic skeletons: one Kentrosaurus, one Diplodocus, a short-necked sauropod whose name I can’t remember, and arguably the centrepiece of the whole museum, a truly colossal Brachiosaurus.

(cue Jurassic Park theme here)

It was found on a dig in Tanzania, and has a Guinness World Records certificate on display by its feet proclaiming it to be the tallest mounted dinosaur skeleton in the world. The scale of the beast is so awe-inspiring that it’s genuinely difficult to fathom how something so big could move. Even without including its neck – which makes up about half of its 13+m height – it’s taller than any elephant I’ve ever seen, and including its neck it still puts any giraffe to shame. They have a second skull on display by its feet, as the full skeleton is too tall to make out any details of its head. I’m not sure if the one on the ground is a replica and the one mounted on the neck is the real deal or vice versa.

Immediately behind the dinosaurs, in a little alcove of its own, is another highlight of the museum: perhaps the most iconic, instantly recognisable fossil in the world, the famous Berlin Specimen of Archaeopteryx. I’ve seen the London specimen in the museum there, but this one is in a league of its own. It’s far more complete than its already impressive cousin in London, and the level of preservation is unbelievable: as well as the bones themselves, possessed of a certain delicate beauty, you can clearly pick out the impressions of the feathers on its long tail and outstretched wings. Removing the bones from their matrix would ruin this, so a nearby display shows a mounted replica of an Archaeopteryx skeleton, probably made by scanning the original. It’s often referred to as a ‘missing link’ between dinosaurs and birds, but with the knowledge that most theropods had feathers, it’s really more dinosaur than bird.

Speaking of theropods, a nearby chamber houses another amazing skeleton: with about 170 bones, one of the most complete Tyrannosaurus rex skeletons found so far. Nicknamed ‘Tristan’ after one of the owners’ sons, he isn’t quite up there with Sue in terms of completeness, but he’s getting there. The bones they’ve found are, though somewhat fragmented, in good enough condition to give a fair bit of information about the animal: they’re fairly sure he was getting on a bit in years, and a swelling in his jaw suggested that he suffered from a tumour there. He was probably a tough old guy, too, as his ribs show evidence of healed breaks.

The museum also houses an extensive biodiversity gallery, starting with a sweeping overview of animal groups and moving on to explain such concepts as speciation, polymorphism within species – demonstrated with two jaguars, one normal and one black – convergent evolution, and mutation. This last was illustrated by a few rather gruesome specimens in jars, including a cyclopean pig and a puppy with one head and two bodies.

After that section was a hall about, I presume, the work of a German wildlife filmmaker, which I think I lacked the cultural background to fully appreciate though there was some good taxidermy in there. After that was something anyone can appreciate, cultural background or not, and what no self-respecting natural history museum should be without: Things In Jars! They probably have more wet specimens in storage in the back rooms, but what they had on public display was impressive enough: a whole huge room filled with shelving units of thousands of glass jars, with more in the centre not accessible to the public but which you could still see peeking through the outer shelves. Mostly fish, but I did spot a crocodile as well.

The next room, all about the development and process of taxidermy, was mostly stuff I was already familiar with from other museums but did include some famous ex-residents of Zoo Berlin: Bobby the gorilla, Bao Bao the panda, and (probably the most famous of all Zoo Berlin’s animals) Knut the polar bear. From there I walked through the geology section – more on earth processes than minerals, though the traditional mineral cabinets were there in a separate room – and paused to watch a short film about the formation of the solar system, which – in a twist – was projected onto the ceiling so that you had to lie back on a specially-designed circular sofa to watch it. I found it a little early, and while waiting for it to start was kept entertained by a group of little girls to regaled us all with a stirring rendition of the extended theme to Miraculous Ladybug. Twice. In Russian.

By then I had seen most of what the museum had to show, including a temporary exhibition about parrots, but I stayed a while longer to do a couple of sketches and revisit a few favourites, and then bought a t-shirt and a pin badge in the gift shop before leaving the museum at about quarter past 3. I stopped at a supermarket I’d passed on the way to buy some rolls and juice, and went back to the hotel for a rest before dinner.

Getting hungry again, I left for an early tea. I’d remembered seeing a few possible restaurants back at the Sony Centre near Potsdamer Platz, so I took the S-Bahn down from Hackescher Markt, switching trains at Friedrichstrasse. I’m not entirely sure what the strict distinction between S-Bahn and U-Bahn is, as a lot of the S-Bahn lines are also mostly underground.

I got a pizza at one of the Sony Centre restaurants – including wait time, it was probably about 6.30 by the time I actually ate – and returned to the hotel for tonight’s write-up, taking the same trains in reverse order. Fun fact about the Berlin S- and U-Bahn: no ticket barriers. I do have a week-ticket I bought at the airport, but I have taken several different trains since then and with the exception of the guard on the train from the airport, nobody has actually checked my ticket. Presumably they rely on the possibility of getting caught out to deter free-riders.

[assortedmoneydiaries]

a week in NYC on a $80,000 salary

Day One

5am: I wake up, snooze for 10 minutes, and do my morning face routine: rose toner, bronze eyeshadow, eyeliner, eyebrows. I make a fried egg over easy (a dozen for $1) and drink some peanut milk (homemade with peanuts, water, and sugar). 

6:45am: I get to my monitoring appointment for my egg freezing process, and I get bloodwork and an ultrasound within 20 minutes. I pay for lupron, a trigger medication for the egg retrieval process scheduled for this weekend. I’m getting my egg freezing reimbursed, but for now I’m paying this out of pocket. $85. 

7:50am: I get to work - it’s a Sunday, but I have a 12 hour shift ahead of me. I immediately get a sign-out about a patient with a weapon in his rectum, so this day is already wild. 

12:00pm: The day hasn’t been too bad, actually; I microwave my pre-packed lunch - white rice with eggplant, chicken, and thai basil. I briefly entertain buying a drink from the vending machine, but it passes. 

6:00pm: After a day of answering pages and browsing furniture, it’s dinner time! I microwave my pre-packed dinner - pesto chicken bread pudding that I made with my brother’s leftover sourdough bread. Back to work. 

8:00pm: Time to go home! The night ended with a patient who caught a goose in Central Park with a fishing net and decapitated it. The police confiscated the knife and the goose. 

10:00pm: Because it’s the weekend, my normal one hour commute becomes two hours. I talk to my prospective roommate about our housing plans, inject myself with follistim and clomiphene for the egg freezing, and pass out. 

Daily total: $85 (to be reimbursed). 

Day Two

6am: Same routine, but an hour later! Wash my face, get dressed, and an egg and peanut milk. Not having to think about breakfast makes my life easier when I’m already so groggy. 

8am: I’m still on the subway, but we have virtual morning lectures from 8am-9am, so I just join on my phone. I get to the hospital at 8:10 and continue the lecture on wifi. I drop off the black sesame milk buns that I made over the weekend in the residents’ lounge. 

9am: We have morning rounds for 30 minutes, and I go see my patients and write their notes. One of my patients is someone I saw in the ED yesterday, and she’s very sweet now that she’s no longer intoxicated. 

12pm: Lunch time! I microwave my pre-packed lunch, same as yesterday, and chill with the other residents for an hour. 

3pm: I count down to 3pm for the donut drop from Kora; within 3 minutes, the donuts are sold out. Thankfully, I made it - 2 sets of the Sari-Sari (leche flan, ube, churron, halo-halo, and keso). All set for pick-up on Friday. :) $65. 

4pm: I get out of work, and go home to chill, work on the apartment rental application, and work out. 

7:30pm: Dinner with my mom eating leftovers, and then Stone Age (a free online board game with friends). 

10pm: Follistim and clomiphene again, and off to bed. 

Daily total: $65 (hopefully will be reimbursed for $56 since I’m sharing with 6 other people) 

Day Three

5am: I have to go for monitoring again today, so I wake up early ... and do the same routine, except with hot HK milk tea instead of peanut milk to warm me up. 

7am: It’s 50 degrees outside, and I decide to cancel my dinner plans (outdoor dining with a friend) because I’m not dressed appropriately for the weather. I go in for monitoring and it turns out I need to take a medication as soon as I get home from work, so I have an even better excuse to cancel.  

10am: I discharge two patients, one of whom is my age and is one of the nicest patients I’ve ever had. I have medical students now, so I bring them along to see my patients. 

12pm: Lunch time - I microwave my pesto chicken bread pudding that I brought from home. I was hoping to snack on a black sesame milk bun, but they’re all gone. :(

5pm: I go home instead of going to dinner, but it turns out that I don’t have the medication after all. I contact the ob/gyn, but it’s not available at any pharmacies; I’ll just pick it up from the clinic tomorrow (for free). 

7:30pm: I eat leftovers again for dinner (peking duck and steamed dumplings). The rest of the night is pretty low-key; lazing in bed and scrolling through social media. I get myself to do a few squats, but I feel so meh that I don’t really end up doing much and call it a night. 

Daily total: $0 

Day Four 

5am: It’s getting pretty tiring waking up early for these appointments - can’t wait for them to be over! The follicles are growing nicely :) I pick up the medication and make sure I don’t lose it this time. 

10am: I discharge another patient, who is legit one of the most motivated patients I’ve ever met; he called his pharmacy to make sure that his medications would get sent properly. 

12pm: I remembered that I had some leftover beef rendang from dinner last week, so I microwave that for lunch. I also take the medication ... vaginally, and I lie down on the couch for 10 minutes awkwardly while my co-residents come in and out of the lounge. 

5pm: I catch up with a friend through FaceTime, and we talk for 2 hours about self-quarantining, socializing, therapy, and being tired introverts. 

7pm: Duke is hosting a free private screening of Miss Juneteenth with a panel of speakers (including the film director and producer), so I watch it while eating dinner with some college friends. I didn’t immediately love the movie, but the panel definitely made me appreciate it a lot more. 

10pm: Medications again, and off to bed because I have ANOTHER early appointment tomorrow. Oof. 

Daily total: $0

Day Five

5am: I press snooze and I basically get out of bed at 5:30 and leave at 5:50. I’m coughing a bit this morning, and I’m 99% sure I don’t have covid, but I don’t know for sure. 

9:30am: I talk to my attending and program coordinator about my very mild symptoms - slightly running nose, dry cough - and they recommend that I just get tested downstairs. It’s very efficient; I sign up for a patient portal, and I get bloodwork and the nasopharyngeal swab for the PCR. I really do not want to get swabbed again unless I have to; it does not feel good. 

12pm: Microwaved lunch again - rice with tofu and beef, which my mom made last night. 

2pm: I’m negative for antibodies! 

5pm: I take a quick trip to Chinatown to grab some snacks - drinks at Bambu for two, which I have 20% off for ($14) and a set of 6 cheese tarts from Pink Lady ($16). $30. 

6pm: My fertility doctor calls me and tells me that we have to reschedule my egg retrieval until I get my covid result back. :( 

7pm: I meet up with two friends for dinner at a Korean-Uzbek restaurant near my house; it turns out that they do outdoor dining! We were originally planning on doing takeout and eating in my backyard, but this works, too. We get lagman (a hot Uzbek beef noodle soup), kuksi soup (a cold Korean noodle soup reminiscent of naemgyung), 4 pieces of manty (Uzbek beef-lamb dumplings served with sour cream), and a Korean beef bun. $17

9pm: We go back to the teahouse in my backyard, and eat cheese tarts and finish our drinks. We lose track of time talking about furniture styles, dating, splurges, and money diaries. I regretfully have to end the night at 10:30pm because it’s time for my medications, and I have to go to sleep. 

Daily total: $47

Day Six

6am: I didn’t have to go in this morning, whew! We also don’t have lecture this morning, so I had a leisurely morning reviewing my patient charts. 

9:30am: Negative covid test, yay!!! Egg retrieval is on for Sunday. 

12pm: Microwaved rice with eggplant, chicken, and thai basil again. I still have 2+ weeks worth of this and the pesto chicken bread pudding at home; I really should freeze it. 

2pm: I try to talk to my new admission, but apparently he refuses to talk for the first three days every admission. So ... just chilling. 

5pm: I go to my bank to get certified checks, but it turns out they’re $12 each and money orders are only $1 at the post office ... so I go to the post office. I get two checks for $1200 and $750 and pay $4.75 in fees. They’re supposed to be reimbursed, but I have to pay the application fee for my rental building up front. $1954.75

6:30pm: I give one donut to my brother and I sell one to someone else, so I get some money back! 

7pm: I meet up with friends for dinner at Tradisyon, where we split a bunch of entrees among 5 people: squid, lechon, sisig, mackerel, and kare kare. Everything was delicious :) We shared the donuts, but they were actually really dense, so we only ate 5. Idk what I’m doing with the 3 leftover donuts :x $15. 

10pm: We continue hanging out but it gets too cold and I need to inject myself at 10:15pm, so we end up going to someone’s studio apartment nearby :O First time hanging out indoors for some of us! 

Daily total: $1969.75 ($1950 to be reimbursed)

Day Seven

8am: I go in for final bloodwork, and I pay for the egg retrieval procedure for tomorrow - oof. I’ve never had to spend so much at one time, and I was mortified when my credit card was declined. We put half on my credit card and half on my debit card. $3250. 

9am: I hang out at Chris’ apartment because I need to wait until 10:15am for my second injection, and I may or may not need to have the procedure today if my bloodwork comes back indicating that I may be ovulating. We chill and wait for Daniella to arrive. 

11am: We decide that it’s way too cold outside to go biking in Central Park or eat out, and we ultimately decide on spicy hunan food from the restaurant right next door to Chris’ apartment. We order a LOT of food - mapo tofu, eggplant with green beans, chongqing chicken, hot and sour soup, beef noodle soup - and eat at his kitchen counter. I drink some of Chris’ tea with his maple oat milk from Trader Joe’s. $24. 

2pm: After a lot of conversations while chilling on Chris’ couch (and a 15 minute nap), we decide to go for a short walk outside so that we can feel slightly productive on our free day together. We check out some cool recycled trash sculptures of dogs that are ... kinda ugly. 

3pm: I go home and spend the rest of the day freecycling (posting stuff I don’t want anymore for other people to pick up from my house) and chilling. 

8pm: It’s Saturday night, which means my dad makes sushi for us. It’s a decadent, delicious, and free meal for me :) 

9pm: I go to bed early for my procedure tomorrow! 

Daily total: $3274 ($3250 to be reimbursed)

Weekly total: $5440.75 ($5317.88 to be reimbursed, so actually $122.87). 

[allonsysilvertongue]

Wiping History

“What will happen when we get to your arena?” she demanded. “I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.“ 75 arenas and one colossal task for Effie Trinket. Hayffie. Post-MJ. Previously

6. Gasoline

Each day, Effie could see him growing weary.

Each visit to the arena ate away at him. To have to see the Games during mandatory viewing was one thing, but to be there and to see what the Capitol had turned the arena into was another. Haymitch took the Capitol’s mockery of the tributes death hard, even after all these years.

He didn’t speak to her about it. Where they stood, she hardly think that he would come to her with such a thing, and especially so when he was not a man to wear his heart on a sleeve.

There were times when she wanted to reach out to him. There were times when she wanted to tell him to go home, not because she did not want him around to see through his personal challenge towards her, but because she feared he would let the anger fester in him and it would make him far worse.

When they finally reached Mags’ arena, Effie kept an eye on him. He stood at the spot where the sixteen year old Mags Cohen had created a trap and sunk fishhooks into the necks of the last two tributes. He picked up the two fishhooks, ran his thumb lightly over it, an unreadable look on his face, before placing it back where he found it.

“She would have been good to Finn,” he commented, his back to her.

“Yes,” Effie agreed. “She would have doted on him but… Finn wouldn’t be here if she had not sacrificed herself so that Finnick – “

“Yeah,” Haymitch cut her off.

His glass of whiskey had shattered in his hands when Mags had walked into the fog during the 75th Games. Effie still remembered that like it was yesterday.

There was a screen on the spot they were currently standing. When this arena was still popular with the tourists, the scene of Mags’ winning kills had been played countless of times to visitors. The arena had not been opened to the public since Mags turned 30, until recently when she was reaped for the 75th Games. Interests in all the victors turned tributes spiked again and her arena, along with those who were reaped were open again. The Capitol made thousands of dollars from visitors’ fees and purchase of merchandise – capitalism at its best.

“Gasoline,” Haymitch requested from one of the crew members. “Just like we talked about.”

Effie laid a hand on his arm. “We can still just blow it up.”

“She’d have burnt it down…. Or flood it.”

Biting her lower lip, Effie stepped back and watched as he started pouring the liquid around the arena. In the distance, some of Barron’s crew members were doing the same so they could cover more ground.

Haymitch must have talked to them beforehand, she deduced from his earlier comment, because Barron had not flown his team earlier to set up the charges like they had been doing.

Which would also explain why Barron’s hovercraft had gallons of gasoline in it, Effie mused.

When Haymitch was done, he walked back towards where she was. Her nostrils flared at the smell of petroleum clinging to him. She never thought she would think it, but she much preferred the smell of whiskey on him. It was less…destructive.

Haymitch held out his palm towards her and for a moment, she only looked at him in confusion.

“Come on, give it up.”

“Oh!” she blinked and gave her the lighter she kept in her purse.

Once Barron’s crew retreated back to their hovercraft, Haymitch’s thumb glided over the lighter. The small flame danced and grew once he threw the lighter on the ground, leaving a trail of fire right into the arena. Cressida filmed it all.

The fire gave rise to the heat and when a gust of wind brought the heat over to where they were standing, Haymitch’s hand twitched. Someone had burnt in his past, if she remembered it right. He had never mentioned who it was during one of his drunken ramblings as she helped him into bed but she could guess. It was second nature the way she held his hand without a fuss and squeezed it comfortingly. He glanced her way but otherwise said nothing.

Somewhere in the Capitol, someone in the Command Centre activated the force field to contain the spread of fire within its confines. They stood safely just outside of the force field, watching the flames consume the arena. The tail of the cornucopia broke off from the rest and crashed into the ground, the sound loud and deafening.

“She was five when she heard the announcement from the Capitol about the Games,” Haymitch started talking. “She was with her brother in their little hut by the sea when the mandatory viewing came.”

Mags had always had a special place in his heart. She could never replace the mother he lost but she came close, the same way she became half of Finnick’s family.

“Mags didn’t understand what it meant... told me she saw the fear in her brother’s face. Imagine being five and being told that when she turned twelve, they might pick her name to play a game that could mean her death; that it was punishment for a rebellion they didn’t start.”

“I’m sorry,” she said because she was. She truly was sorry. “Children shouldn’t pay for the sins of their parents.”

A muscle in his jaws clenched.

“No, they shouldn’t,” he agreed and despite wanting to keep things civil, Effie opened her mouth to make a point except he beat her to it. “I know that’s the reason you’re fucking pissed with me but you got it wrong.”

Effie wanted to argue because what could she possibly have gotten wrong? The basis of it was simple – Capitol children directly related to those who held most powers in Snow’s regime. It was children paying for their parents’ crime. Again.

"Come on," he mumbled, walking back to the hovercraft.

The moment they returned to the City, Haymitch disappeared even before she could debrief everyone prior to their break for the weekend. It had been an emotionally exhausting week and a break would do everyone good, especially Haymitch.

Walking home, she passed by the park to see if Haymitch might be there by chance. He wasn't so she went home instead.

By Saturday afternoon, the uneasiness from their last conversation was still bothering her. She sat by the café, a small business start-up by a lady from District 6, and sipped her coffee. A book sat open in front of her but she had been at it for the past half an hour without even turning a page. Instead, she had been watching the people passing by, not really registering a face but yet, expecting a familiar face of someone living around that area to jump out.

With a sigh, she cleared the table, grabbed her purse and made her way over to his building.

She knocked on his door, and smiled politely at a woman passing down the corridor with a prominent green wig that made Effie wince. Wigs had gone out of style since the Capitol fell but for some, clinging to outdated fashion was a means of comfort and since the woman had allowed her to rent the place for Haymitch at such short notice, Effie tried to politely avert her gaze from that offending synthetic hair as she bid her a pleasant day.

"Haymitch," she knocked again, this time a little louder. “Will you please open the door?”

Effie waited, counted to ten and knocked again.

“Are you home, Haymitch?”

She heard some shuffling, the sound of a bottle knocking against furniture before the door was yanked open. He swayed on his feet and leaned heavily against the door for support.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he mumbled, his eyes taking a while to focus on her.

“You disappeared.”

“Worried ‘bout me are you?” he slurred and abruptly stepped back when she pushed her way in. “Needed a drink, didn’t think it was your scene.”

Her gaze swept over his living room, taking in the few empty bottles. He must have been drinking since the night before, right after he left.

“Are you alright?”

“Didn’t think you’d care,” Haymitch muttered, throwing her own words back at her.

This was them at their best; destroying and tearing at each other, trying to see who would hurt each other the most. She didn’t think they would still behave this way after the war but perhaps, it was a chain that was difficult to break.

“If you want to return home, I would totally understand, Haymitch. This is taking a toll on you, isn’t it?” she peered at him worriedly and as she expected, he frowned in displeasure. The problem was, they had not even reached Chaff’s arena and she knew that would hit him harder than Mags’. “Johanna will join me before long. I won’t be doing this on my own if that is what you are worried about.”

“Finnick’s year is the 65th. That’s a hell of a long way to go. She won’t be here till then. What then?”

“Do not worry yourself about me.”

She meant for it to be placating but he must have heard it wrong because he fumed, thinking he was being dismissive. Walking away from her, he grabbed a bottle of scotch on the way. He opened it, paused and then set it down rather brusquely.

“Tell me how to make it better,” he said suddenly, turning around to fix her with a look. “Tell me ‘cause I fuckin’ miss you.”

“Haymitch…”

He sank on the chair, a teal bohemian sofa with its bright purple cushions that really did not suit the man sitting on it. Haymitch whispered with a tremble in his voice, “I felt like I’ve lost you again.”

Effie rubbed her hand, soothing the goose pimples that had erupted upon hearing his admission.

“I was never yours for you to lose me.”

At that, Haymitch snorted, the sound dark and bitter, but when he lifted his head, he looked quite forlorn.

She tilted her head, frowning at him. “Was I?” she asked suddenly uncertain.

“I fought for you.”

“It could mean anything,” she tried to rationalise, mostly for her benefit because she really did not know what she meant to him. It was never spoken. When she tried to deduce from the way he acted with her especially when they were alone thinking that he cared more than he let on, prison made her think that it was all just her delusion. It made her believe that she was only imagining it all because of her aching need for him to love her. “It could mean you felt guilty that I was taken and that you were only trying to do what was right. You always do what’s right, always, even if it meant leaving me behind for the children’s sake.”

“Fighting for you was more than just doing the right thing,” he countered.

Stunned, she could only stare at him, wanting desperately to be assured that he meant what she thought it meant.

"Doesn't matter," he muttered before she had a chance to have her say. "If you ain't gonna believe me, then you ain't, but you're the one now saying I always do what's right. You," he said, looking at her. "So, remember that the next time you're angry with me 'bout what went down that day with the vote."

"You were all voting to have another Games – the very thing you were trying to end," she frowned and countered the very statement she had said earlier. "I stand corrected then because that is not doing the right thing, is it?"

"I didn't vote for that," he flared, sweeping the glass off the table. It hit the wall. "I didn't, Effie."

His voice was begging for her to understand and she wanted to more than anything else but she was confused at this emerging conflicting version. Nothing added up for her. When she first confronted him, resulting in the huge argument before he left the Capitol, he had not denied voting for another Hunger Games. He was also too busy shouting back and then trying to subdue her hysterical self.

"That is not what Johanna and Peeta told me," she told him.

His face scrunched in displeasure. She sat on the chair, tethering at the edge as she wondered if they would plunge into another terrible argument. Effie gripped the arm of the chair, preparing herself to stand her ground, despite her heart bidding her to flee to avoid another row.

"You went to the wrong people. Peeta'll give you his version – how he hammered me during the voting to think ‘bout the blood on my hands. You asked Johanna whose motivation was to see Snow suffered because he has a – what? – granddaughter, yeah? She wasn’t thinking about the politics … about Coin.”

Her brows knitted together in confusion. That was an angle that Peeta, Annie nor Johanna had never mentioned. When they talked about that day, not that it happened often, it was just about who voted what and who fought for what.

“You didn’t ask me, sweetheart. You didn’t ask the why. You heard your story from them and you assumed you knew it all. You know nothing,” Haymitch sniggered bitterly. “You didn’t want to try to understand. You were angry ‘bout being kept in the dark and being left behind – you were just looking for a target to lash out and yeah, I deserved it.”

“I – “ she swallowed, trying to form words she couldn’t make out right now.

“You know,” he tilted his head to the side, watching her, “you ever thought about it this way; what may seem heartless and cruel from your side might actually be the only way to protect my family?”

She blinked, snapping her mouth shut.

“I don’t have it in me to keep fightin’, sweetheart. If you’re only going to do the same right now, then, please, leave me the hell alone,” he dismissed, walking back to where he had left his scotch.

He picked the bottle and disappeared into his bedroom, closing the door behind him. In the end, not wanting him to hurt himself in case he stumbled out of his room in the middle of the night while drunk, she cleaned the pieces of broken glass shards from earlier and left quietly, her heart lodged in her throat.

For the first time, she doubted what she knew.

Don't be so hard on Effie, she's not unreasonable, you'll see in Chapter 7 :) Aside from their conversation, which is chipping away at the invisible wall a little at a time, let me know what you think of Haymitch at Mags' arena!

Just to let you know, there will likely not be an update tomorrow as my sister's getting married on the Saturday! So, see you the week after!

[travelasdesired]

Wales has been one of the most scenic places I’ve been to. The Snowdonia region in the north is no exception. From Caernarfon, I made a beeline into the Snowdonia mountain range and found a little slice of heaven, which I made my home for 2 nights.

Things to know before you go.

A couple of things to keep in mind while you’re driving throughout the Snowdonia region.

1. Make sure to have cash on you.

There are two reasons for this. If you’re driving, which in this area you should, you will need cash for parking and there are some places which you will need cash to purchase items.

2. Travel with caution.

The roads are good but can be narrow and in some places do go down to one lane, especially in residential areas where people park on the road. Make sure that you leave enough room between you and the car ahead of you so that someone could pass if they needed to. This is not only for your safety but for those around you.

3. Do a little planning before you go.

I looked at a map of the region and looked for a town that I could call my home base. One that was centrally located to all of the things I wanted to do and see, you might want to do the same.

Blaenau-Ffestiniog

This once little mining town was my home base for my time in Snowdonia. It was centrally located and provided great accommodations. It now is one of the action capitals of Wales. You can do anything from hiking to ziplining and trampolining all in one day!

When I drove in there was a very heavy fog. It was so thick that it was difficult to see the next block. I thought I drove into a very small town with the main street and that was basically it. I checked into my hotel, Pisgah Guesthouse, and the owner Gareth was kind enough to let me check-in early. He was extremely helpful and told me there was a nice hike into the mountains right from town. I honestly didn’t believe him because all I could see was fog. He pointed me in the direction of a grocery store so I could get some supplies. The fog was so thick I couldn’t believe it. Since I had some work to do I hunkered down in the hotel and worked until around 7 when I decided to set out to find somewhere for dinner.

When I walked outside for dinner I was greeted with beautiful mountains that looked like they were right next door.  I couldn’t believe it. It was like a curtain was lifted and it just revealed how beautiful Blaenau-Ffestiniog was. Everywhere I looked there were mountains and waterfalls, it was breathtaking. With great food and accommodations and very few tourists, Blaenau-Festiniog is a great place to use as your base of operations.

  Things to do

Train to Porthmadog – The last stop on the Ffestiniog Railway operates a daily train to and from Porthmadog in the Spring, Summer, and Fall. The trip will take about an hour but will give you a day at a beautiful beach, Blackrock Sands.

Betws-y-coed – I drove to Betws-y-coed one day looking for gas. I actually found a gorgeous little town set in a valley. This town was so picture perfect and quite touristy. There were several tour buses stopped there on a Friday so keep that in mind when visiting. However, there is quite a bit to do and there are definitely a good amount of places to eat and shop. A very picturesque river runs through town. Head Northwest out of town to the Swallow Falls Waterfall. There is a small fee to enter and view the falls.

Harlech Castle – Be careful driving up to this town, the roads are very narrow, one car narrow, but what waits for you at the top is worth it. Harlech castle is included in the Cadw Pass but keep in mind you will have to pay for parking. When I was there it was very windy but the view from the castle walls was beautiful.

Zip World & Bounce Below & Slate Caverns – Zip World has some of the highest zip lines in all of Europe, spend the day gliding through the air over some of Wales’ striking scenery. Once you’ve gotten your fill of the air, head down below into a repurposed mine that houses a series of huge trampolines stretched over gaping caverns. Or you can take a tour into one of the many slate mines which this area is rich in.

Dolwyddelan Castle – This castle was recommended to me by the owner of my hotel, Gareth. It’s a bit of a walk to get to the castle but the views are well worth it. The way up is a little challenging and it’s free reign for sheep so watch out of droppings. The Castle itself is sturdy and the stairs are narrow and steep so if you have trouble with stairs or small spaces you might want to give it a miss. Make sure to stop at the gatehouse to pay the admission fee or if you have the Cadw Pass it’s included. It does sit on a working farm so make sure that you close any gate you open.

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Where to stay

There are quite a few options for accommodations in and around Snowdonia from Airbnb’s to upscale hotels & resorts. I recommend staying at the Pisgah Guesthouse in Blaenau-Ffestiniog. Not only are the rooms comfortable and well-appointed but the owner is very attentive and extremely helpful. You feel like you’re staying at a friend’s house when you stay here. I cannot say enough good things about it. Gareth offers everyone a daily full breakfast with their stay which is wonderful.

The owner, knowing that I was working during my stay added a work table to the room so that I could have a good workspace. If that doesn’t say hospitality I don’t know what does. If you’re looking for top-notch service at a great rate, look no further.

Places to Eat

Y Chwarelwr – The Quarryman Bar & Grill – I ate here twice the food was so good. It does get busy, especially on the weekends so make sure you make a reservation. They serve everything from soups to full meals and offer great desserts as well.

Plas Penaeldroch Manor – I found this place on the way back from Betws-y-coed. Set just off the road, this is a great stop off for lunch or tea. They have a nice selection of sweets as well as soup and sandwiches.

Lasting Impressions

I have to say that I was quite taken with this part of Wales. The people were so wonderful and the scenery was like a storybook. If you have the opportunity to explore this part of the world please do! Until next time.

        Solo Travel through Wales Trip Part 3: Snowdonia Wales has been one of the most scenic places I've been to. The Snowdonia region in the north is no exception.