#i miss the good old affair era days

[edenesth]

The Way to His Heart [11]

Pairing: general!Seonghwa x wife!reader

AU: arranged marriage au (Joseon era)

Word Count: 3.7k

Trigger Warnings: gore, implied mutilation

Summary: Life has been hell ever since your mother's passing many years ago. Despite being from a prominent family, you've never received the privileges associated with it. It only got worse with the arrival of your stepmother and her daughters. When the intimidating General Park was in search of a wife, your father seized the opportunity to dispose of you, simultaneously securing a connection with the powerful general—killing two birds with one stone.

Part 10 | Fic Masterlist | Part 12

Hearing the cessation of all the screams, one of the royal guards gathered the courage to enter the chamber and check on Seonghwa, "Sir, are you done?"

Upon entering, he had yet to witness the state in which the former minister was left. The general stood before his victim, actively wiping all the blood off his hands with a towel prepared beforehand, "It's done. Has my assistant arrived to pick me up?"

"Yes, sir. Assistant Choi is waiting with your carriage by the entrance. If I remember correctly, he mentioned Lady Park helped prepare dinner today." A smile instantly graced your husband's face at the mere mention of you.

"Thank you, soldier. Bring in the rest and clean up the mess," He instructed, finally stepping away from the seat in the middle of the room, revealing the sight of your father slumped in the chair, both of his arms missing, blood gushing out from his shoulders, "Get him to a physician before banishing him. No need to treat him extensively; heal him just enough to keep him alive."

Freezing, the guard nodded quickly, "Y-yes, sir! We will not let you down!" His round eyes fixated on the two mutilated limbs on the ground in the middle of the puddle of crimson liquid.

The general was truly not someone to be underestimated, that was evident to the royal guards who filed in later on to clean up the bloody mess. They now understood why Seonghwa was so feared among those who had worked with him or witnessed his cold-blooded nature firsthand.

However, rather than instilling pure terror, your husband garnered more respect from them. He had gone to great lengths just to avenge his beloved wife. This demonstrated that the man still possessed a heart after all and that his affection for Lady Park was undeniable. He has proven that he could love just as fiercely as he hated.

Not a single member of the palace staff harboured even a hint of pity for the former Minister of Military Affairs as they dealt with his mangled body according to instructions. Any citizen with access to news was aware of all the cruel acts the old man had committed against his own daughter and first wife. It was safe to say that witnessing him in this state brought ample satisfaction not only to the general but to others as well.

"Sir, there's a bit of blood here."

The assistant extended his handkerchief, ensuring his master was free from any signs of bloodshed as they returned home. The last thing they all needed was for you to catch on to any of the events that occurred today; you should only focus on happiness and never spare another thought for your so-called family from now onwards.

"Thank you, Jongho," The general responded, taking the piece of fabric to remove the small bloodstain on his neck, "Keep me posted on where they banished that clown afterwards. It would be nice to check in on him once in a while, for entertainment purposes."

"Yes, sir."

Upon entering the estate, he was surprised not to find you waiting for him by the entrance, as was your usual routine when he returned from work. Only the head maid and a few servants stood there, ready to greet him, "Welcome home, master. We hope you had a good day at work." They said with a deep bow.

Seonghwa frowned, "Where's the mistress?" The elderly woman replied, "Mistress is currently at the main hall having a chat with Royal Secretary Choi while they were awaiting your return."

That immediately had the general rushing towards the hall. He didn't like the thought of you alone with... yet another handsome man. He had finally grown accustomed to having Yunho around the estate whenever he was at work, only because the two of you rarely interacted; he knew that thanks to daily reports from Eunsook. Now, jealousy was flooding his veins again.

What if you found San more attractive?

"Yes, I fully understand your concern. My sister faces similar issues," The royal secretary's voice carried from outside the hall, and then your softer response followed, "Thank you so much for your help, San. It means a lot to me."

They're already on a first-name basis?

"Help? With what?" He queried, abruptly pulling you and the secretary from your conversation. Both of you looked up at him, and you blinked and stammered nervously, quickly rising from your seat, "Oh, Seonghwa! You're home! It's nothing, we were just having a casual conversation while waiting for you."

Sensing your unease, San chuckled and concurred, "Yes, it was nothing important. It's good that you're back; I've come to deliver the minutes of today's assembly to you, as per His Majesty's orders."

"Please don't let me interrupt; I'll be waiting for you at the dining hall," You remarked to your husband, offering a nod of gratitude to the secretary, "It was nice talking to you, Royal Secretary Choi," The man respectfully bowed his head, "And you, Lady Park."

The general watched the interaction between you two with unmistakable envy, causing San to suppress a snicker into his fist, "Without further ado, general, let's proceed so that you can join your wife for dinner as soon as possible," Seonghwa nodded, feigning nonchalance, "Of course."

As the secretary continued to share the main details discussed during the assembly, he noticed the general's slight distraction. Wrapping up the debrief, he decided to ease your husband's thoughts by divulging the nature of your earlier conversation.

"Listen, before you came back, Lady Park and I were just talking about her concerns regarding being a better wife. Given that my elder sister, who is married, shares similar worries, I was merely offering some insights that might be helpful. So, don't stress over it too much, okay? I assure you, you're the only one on her mind."

Learning that you were only seeking to improve yourself for him, Seonghwa's heart melted immediately. Regret washed over him for entertaining the notion that you might find his colleague more appealing, and a slight embarrassment crept in, "I, uhh... it's not like I was worried about that or anything... but thank you, San. If that's all for today, Jongho will escort you out."

The secretary held back his knowing smile as they bid each other farewell before the general made his way to the dining hall. His heart pounded with excitement at the thought of being with you again.

Dinner went by as usual, though this time, you were brimming with enthusiasm as you shared how you spent the day learning to prepare his favourite dishes from the kitchen staff. You even mentioned the surprising discovery that you might have developed a love for cooking. He ate more than usual, savouring the fact that the meal was made just for him, and found it difficult to take his eyes off of you throughout the night.

He had once considered happiness to be a frivolous notion, something only fools wished for. He never anticipated being the one to experience it. Now that he had, your husband was determined not to lose this newfound feeling.

With your family matters now resolved, the only thing remaining was to give you the grand wedding you truly deserved. From then on, the plan was to enjoy a lifetime of this happiness together. Watching you munching away with joy, he couldn't resist reaching over to affectionately wipe the corner of your lips. At that moment, he realised that this was all he needed.

After the meal, he walked you back to the House of Lotus, hand in hand as usual. Upon reaching the entrance, you smiled up at him, "Have a good night, Seonghwa."

However, before you could turn and leave, he swiftly cupped your face, "Wait, before you go..." Your heart quickened as he leaned in, whispering, "Just one kiss, my love."

Almost instinctively, your eyes fluttered closed as soon as his lips met yours in a tender kiss. The warmth spread through your insides as he wrapped his arms around your frame, pulling you closer and deepening the kiss by angling his head.

Feeling the sensation of his lips pressing against yours, again and again, you finally understood why couples enjoyed kissing. It was hard to put into words, but being so close to him felt pleasant, and your husband had a unique way of making you feel beautiful with his touches, even when you doubted it yourself. There was an almost addictive quality to it, making you feel like the luckiest woman in the world to be desired by the great General Park.

Perhaps I've found it... my happiness.

After breaking the kiss for a breath, he leaned his forehead against yours, a smile adorning his face as he looked down at you lovingly. In silence, the two of you remained in each other's arms, basking in the moment, reluctant to part.

Unfortunately, the moment was cut short as your assigned group of servants approached, "Oh, pardon us for the intrusion, master and mistress! We came to assist in preparing the mistress for bed. May we proceed, master? Or, if you wish to stay with the mistress, we could also make arrangements for both of you for the night in the House of Lotus."

His heart raced as he witnessed the faint blush on your cheeks in response to the maid's suggestion. Chuckling, he gently shook his head and placed a kiss on your forehead, "No, the mistress needs her rest. Perhaps another time. Go on ahead then; she will join you soon."

"Yes, master, as you wish."

The servants entered your quarters to prepare your bath while you exchanged your goodnight. Caressing your cheeks with his thumbs, he couldn't resist leaning in for a final, lingering kiss on your soft lips, "Goodnight, my love. I'll see you tomorrow."

As you made your way to your room, he felt a swell of affection watching you turn for one last wave before disappearing inside. He missed you already, and as much as he would have loved to hold you close all night, he knew that waiting until your proper wedding night to share the same bed was the right decision. For now, this was more than enough. After all, he had the rest of his life to spend with you.

"Thank goodness the ointment has been remarkably effective. I don't think you need to harbour any insecurities about your appearance anymore. Lady Park, you look beautiful." said Physician Jung as he arrived to assess the condition of your skin. Having you apply the medicine he prepared for some time, he recognised that his work here would soon be done.

Eunsook couldn't contain the grin on her face at the slight pink dusting your cheeks from the doctor's compliment, suddenly relieved that her master was not around. Lord knows how unamused he would have been to hear any of that or see your reaction.

"Yes, thank you, Yunho. She's always been ravishing with or without your ointment. I think your job here is done; it's my turn to enhance this beauty. Head over to the general's study for your pay if that's all," The doctor couldn't resist rolling his eyes at the dressmaker's dramatic entrance, "It's nice to see you too, Hongjoong."

With a dismissive wave, he shrugged off the sarcastic greeting from his tall friend, saying, "I'll catch up with you soon; I have work to do." Left with no other choice, Yunho offered one final bow to you before leaving your room with a maid escorting him out.

Closing the distance between you, the dressmaker swiftly retrieved the new hanbok he had made specifically for the special occasion today, declaring, "Now, who is ready to outshine all the princesses in the palace? It's you, Lady Park!"

"Outshine the princesses? I d-don't think that's a good idea—"

He interrupted you before you could finish your protest, "Nonsense! I promised General Park to make you the most beautiful woman in all of Joseon." With a small giggle, you sighed in defeat and allowed him to work his magic with the assistance of the head maid as they coordinated your appearance for your visit to the palace.

Today marked the day you and Seonghwa were meeting the King and Queen to discuss the details of your wedding ceremony in-depth, as well as allowing the royal couple to finally meet you after having heard so much about you. Even without having seen you, they already adored you from the stories your husband had shared. Not to mention, their hearts ached, especially after learning about your nightmarish childhood.

Seated at the vanity table, you gazed at your reflection in amazement as Eunsook worked on your hair and makeup, with Hongjoong providing expert advice and guidance. Just as the elderly woman was about to conceal the remaining faint scars on your face as she had always done, the dressmaker intervened, "No, wait. Leave the one on her forehead as it is; I have an idea."

With his extensive knowledge of fashion and beauty, he had always been intrigued by the Chinese makeup style, which incorporated temporary tattoos. Specifically, he was drawn to the idea of a small flower design painted onto women's foreheads.

Rather than covering your marks, he opted to transform them into an accessory that would improve your overall looks. With this distinctive look, you were bound to capture attention from all directions, not that your beauty didn't already achieve that. Now, you would stand out wherever you went, even within the palace grounds where princesses and royal concubines were always impeccably dressed.

Waiting by the entrance, Seonghwa turned when he recognised the sound of your dainty footsteps approaching. He didn't miss his assistant's awestruck expression, taking in your appearance from behind him, "Finally, Hongjoong's taken way too long..."

As you stepped into full view, his words trailed off, and his gaze fixed on you with a mix of astonishment and sheer admiration. His breath caught in his throat, and for a moment, he couldn't find the words to express what he felt. You had always been beautiful in his eyes, but his friend had truly outdone himself this time.

The most significant difference that caught the general's attention was the little red flower on your forehead, right between your eyes. That delicate design elegantly covered one of the scars you bore from your past. It was a stroke of genius from the dressmaker, turning a mark of pain into a unique and striking accessory that enhanced your natural beauty.

Your husband approached you, his eyes never leaving yours. Finally finding his voice, he whispered, "You look breathtaking, my love," before gently reaching up to trace the edge of the flower on your forehead, his touch soft and filled with so much love, "Hongjoong, you've done wonders."

The dressmaker grinned proudly and nodded in agreement, "I know, I always do."

Throughout the journey to the palace, the general found it hard to divert his gaze from you, just as you were captivated by the passing scenery outside. The roads to the palace differed from the usual routes leading to town, explaining your intrigue. As he admired your beautiful face, an unexpected desire surged within him to take you back home and shield you from others' eyes. A sudden uncertainty about wanting anyone else to see you overcame him. A selfish impulse urged him to keep you all to himself.

Before he could entertain the impulsive idea of turning the carriage around, Jongho had already announced their arrival. This time, Eunsook didn't bother to stand by and assist you down, instead waiting expectantly as the general smoothly helped you in one swift movement, determined to keep you close.

Having been here more than enough, Seonghwa knew this place might appear beautiful on the inside but could be very dangerous at the same time. People here might seem nice but rarely could be trusted, particularly the women. Well aware of this, he hesitated to let you wander off alone, despite your status as his wife. You were easily recognisable as Lady Park from a distance, anyone would have to be insane to dare mess with you.

Even so, he had no intention of leaving your side for even a moment. Palace servants passing by bowed deeply at both of you, and you did your best to maintain the poise of a noblewoman as practised with the head maid. The last thing you wanted was to make your husband look bad in here.

As you both approached the hall for the meeting with His and Her Majesty, the royal secretary rushed out to intercept the two of you. Almost as if your husband had jinxed it, San exclaimed, "There you are, General Park! We have a bit of a situation right now. Your immediate presence is required at an emergency meeting."

"But my wife—"

Finally realising you were present, the secretary bowed, "Oh, right, Lady Park! We're all aware you're here to discuss your wedding arrangements, but this really cannot wait. Even His Majesty is currently in this meeting expecting you. Would it be alright if we have your wife waiting by the cherry blossom garden? We'll have the servants prepare her some refreshments."

As much as Seonghwa detested the sudden change of plans, he acknowledged that he was left with no choice upon sensing the urgency in San's demeanour. With a nod of defeat, he agreed, "Okay, fine. Eunsook, please stay by the mistress' side at all times."

She nodded with a bow, "Of course, master."

Turning to you with a regretful frown etched on his brows, he said, "I'm sorry for having to leave you alone, my love. I'll come back to you as quickly as I can, I promise."

You shook your head with an understanding smile, "Don't worry about me, Seonghwa. I'll be fine. Your work is more important. Now hurry and go. Don't make His Majesty wait." Sighing lightly, he pecked you on the head before rushing off with the royal secretary.

"Lady Park, please come with us. We will guide you to the cherry blossom garden."

A team of palace maids appeared before you, showing you as much respect as they would towards royalty. Your status and reputation were well-known nationwide; you were favoured not only by your husband but also by the King and Queen themselves. No one would dare to disrespect you for fear of dire consequences.

Their dedication was evident in the top-tier hospitality as they led you to the enchanting garden, unlike anything you had ever seen. After thanking them politely, they prepared a seat for you in one of the pavilions within the vast garden, serving a tray of tea and some sophisticated-looking snacks.

Boredom eventually set in, and you glanced at one of the palace maids standing ready by the pavilion for any orders you might have for her, "Excuse me, would it be okay for me to take a walk around the garden?"

"Oh, certainly, Lady Park! Feel free to explore the garden as you please. Would you like any of us to accompany you?" Smiling and glancing at Eunsook, you declined, "No, thank you. We'll manage on our own. We won't be gone too long; you have my word."

"Thank you, Lady Park. Your assurance is appreciated; we'll await your return here." They bowed deeply as you and the head maid began your leisurely stroll.

As you wandered through the picturesque garden, marvelling at the vibrant colours of the flowers, you inadvertently caught the eye of a stranger who happened to be nearby. Your beauty, accentuated by the mark on your forehead, captivated the attention of this mysterious figure. What intrigued him even more was the unmistakable childlike innocence reflected in your eyes.

From a distance, he observed you with awe. The way you carried yourself, the genuine delight on your face as you admired the flowers and scenery—it all conveyed a sense of authenticity. Unlike anyone he had encountered, you seemed untouched by pretentiousness or spoiled airs.

Driven by an unexplainable urge to get closer, the stranger slowly made his way towards you, navigating through the enchanting garden. His curiosity was piqued, and he couldn't resist the desire to learn more about the intriguing woman who had captured his attention.

Unaware of the approaching figure as you immersed yourself in the beauty of the flowers, a clearing of the throat behind you signalled his presence. Eunsook, recognising the newcomer, widened her eyes and began to bow, but he gestured for her to remain silent with a finger against his lips and a subtle shake of his head.

Interrupting the tranquillity, the unexpected deep voice spoke, "It's beautiful, isn't it? Do you know what cherry blossoms symbolise?"

Startled, you turned to find a handsome man dressed elegantly, smiling down at you. After a moment of surprise, you nodded, "I do. I've read that they symbolise purity and beauty."

The man acknowledged, "That's right, much like you, my lady."

Concern flickered in the head maid's eyes, realising that the stranger might be unaware of your identity and possibly attempting to make a romantic gesture. Before matters could escalate, she decided to intervene, "Allow me to express our deepest respect, Your Highness. This is Lady Park, the esteemed wife of General Park. Mistress, may I present to you Prince Yeosang."

« Preview of Part 12 »

Seonghwa's eyes widened as they approached the War and Strategy Department building, where soldiers were marching about hastily, "Wait a minute, don't tell me—"

The royal secretary had no time to explain as he pulled the general into the meeting room where all military officials were seated and awaiting anxiously. The King, positioned in the middle of the room, sighed deeply upon noticing your husband's arrival.

"You're here, General Park. Is your wife also in the palace?" His Majesty asked, rubbing his head to alleviate an oncoming headache.

Seonghwa nodded in confirmation and inquired, "Yes, she is. She's waiting by the cherry blossom garden as we speak. Now, tell me. What is it? What has happened?"

With regret in his eyes, the King grimaced, "I'm so sorry, my boy. It seems your wedding will have to wait. Relations with the neighbouring nation, Ruhon, have not been very good lately. I fear war is inevitable this time, and... we need you."

Just wanted to make it clear that Ruhon is a fictional country. I've thought about it and decided it's probably best not to use real places for fear of offending anyone.

As always, thank you for reading and let me know your thoughts! <3

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[reds-writings]

bird in a cage

(pairing: crash!rust cohle x f!reader)

word count: 1.5k

a/n: a bit of a concept fic surrounding rust in his crash era i've had in the drafts. if you would like more let me know 🫣. y'know i love me some feedback

warnings: men being gross, ginger, hints at prostitution, ginger, language, sexism, etc (let me know if i missed anything!)

There was something almost eerie about Crash whenever you got the chance to be in actual proximity to him. Something lost. 

Something broken. 

It made you want to hide away anytime those tortured eyes met yours. Like you were in the wrong, an intruder of some extreme fortitude of privacy. Heavy and asphyxiating.

Despite your trepidation around Ginger’s righthand man, there was always an underlying thirst to know more. 

He was a handsome fella. You’d be stupid to deny it. All the other girls around knew it too and had no shame in chittering every chance they got ever since he manifested into your lives in the extreme bore that was East Texas.  

Ginger wouldn’t let you speak much to him. Although, that wasn’t entirely uncommon since the fucker wouldn’t let you speak to anyone much at all.

Just sit there and look pretty, doll. You’re ass ain’t good for much the fuck else. He’d say. Damning you to be some cheap whore in an even cheaper cage til the day you got ugly or died.

You’d never anticipated this is where you would end up in life. You’re sure not many girls do but thanks to your pathetic shit-heel of a brother who got himself tied up in some irreversible mess you’re now indebted to a gang leader who thought doing you a mercy was enslaving you to work for him for the rest of your days. 

Some nights you dreamed of putting one right between his bloodshot baby blues. God knows the world could do with one less of a son of a bitch like him. Gruesome consequences that’d be sure to follow be damned. 

The night air was cooler than usual, offering a small reprieve to your sun-tightened skin. You’re sure by age 40 you’d look no better than some beat-up leather couch left on the side of the road. Any money you did get to keep wasn’t prioritized for shit like sunscreen or maybe even fancy aloe like those girly cosmetic magazines you’d sneak mentioned. 

The bonfire tonight was a busy affair. Ginger made some big steal so that granted cause for some hearty celebration. Most of the men seemed to be in a nicer mood than usual, but you made no effort to leave your post on an old bourbon crate in the background. Any peace to oneself around here was a blessing and you were gonna take as much of it in as you could. 

Tired fingers fumbled with your lighter, you’d been meaning to get a new one but finding a moment to step away from the Crusaders was harder to come by than one probably thought.

By the look of your chipped nails, you could do with swiping that new shade of OPI that caught your eye in the corner store some weeks ago too.

“Didn’t peg you as a wallflower.” Your solitude was shattered by the presence of a rumbled drawl. Nearly having your poor soul shooting out your body. Whipping your head in the direction of the unfamiliar timbre you almost did a double take. 

There Crash stood, looking almost indifferent despite being the one to walk up to you in the first place. He wore some weathered-looking muscle tank repping a band you had no knowledge of and a pair of jeans that had definitely seen better days. Up close you got to take in just how well-built he was. Sure, Ginger was a hefty man, but Crash had definition to him. Like something out of a poster blushing teens would have of some heartthrob idol shamelessly plastered on their bedroom wall. 

His face was a whole other story, one you wouldn’t bother getting all wax poetic about. As pretty as it was. 

Snapping out of your short-lived reverie you huffed something resembling a scoff, 

“Didn’t know you could speak. Let alone leave Ginger’s side for more than a few minutes.”

In the dim lighting, you couldn’t initially make out whether or not that had amused him, but the glowing orange hue from the tip of his own cigarette highlighted the ghost of a smirk adorning the corner of his thin lips. It had you picking at the frayed edge of your shorts to not look so childishly in awe. 

“You got a light?” You pushed forward and asked. He shook his head no but instead offered his cigarette wordlessly. The act stilled you, but you took the small offering nonetheless, inexplicably entranced after only a few words from the man. 

Those eyes of his tracked your every move as you brought the cigarette to your lips. You tried with every fiber of your being not to be affected by this strangely intimate ripple of time you’ve just stepped into. To not let your thoughts drift to the fact that those same lips were just where yours are currently as you inhale acrid smoke.

You don’t feel all that successful.

“Camels. That’s surprising.” You exhale, flicking the ash as casually as one could in this scenario. You prayed Ginger wouldn’t notice his absence any time soon. Something resembling greed regarding Crash’s attention sinking its claws into you.

“Hm…how so.” He took it back from your grasp, the action strikingly gentle. 

“All you rough boys out here smoke Reds. Hell, you even look like one of those Marlboro cowboys in the ads.” 

“Should I be flattered?”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know about all the girls around here just positively gushing over you. You don’t strike me as the naive type.” 

“You know cause you one of em’?”

That shut you right up. Though only for a second. If he could feel the growing heat radiating from your cheeks he made no sign of it.

“Careful now, wouldn’t wanna sound too cocky.” You sassed, looking past him at the partygoers. His gaze felt penetrating and you couldn’t figure out for the life of you where this sudden interest to talk to you came from. There was no chance in hell of entertaining a single thing with Crash. Ginger would skin you alive for even catching you like this, as plain of an encounter as it was. This was more trouble than it’d ever be worth. 

But there was not a fathomable force that could seem to pull you away. 

“You’re different. Than the others I mean. You stand out.” Was what clambered from your mouth as you looked back at him. 

It was true despite its clumsy admittance. Even though you’d never said so much as a hello to each other Crash was different. He never bothered you. Never jumped at the chance to use you like some piece of meat. You wouldn’t say he went as far to outright show blatant respect, but he gave you space to exist unlike anyone else had. 

He didn’t so much as flinch at the statement. 

“Could say the same about you.” That alone had a cold shock similar to that of an ice bath encasing your entire being. It was a casual reply, but between the lines, you knew what he was saying. 

He saw you. 

No one ever saw you. You were a nobody. Just a warm vessel to sacrifice to the selfish woes of pigs disguised as men. You weren’t meant to have thoughts or feelings. Likes or dislikes. You were just there. 

Yet he noticed you regardless and you hadn’t ever brought attention to the possibility that he could in the first place.

You didn’t know something so small and noncommittal could make the sting of saline burn at the backs of your eyes. You felt like every existing nerve within you had been exposed but when continuing to stare at him, he held no judgment. That brokenness that took home in his stare was replaced by something else. A curiosity. 

Much akin to the same type you let fester for him over these past several months. 

The smoldering cigarette dangled from his lips, though you didn’t dare let yourself catch a glimpse, as a large hand hesitantly reached towards your face. The rough pad of his thumb scarcely graced the fragile skin beneath your eye to brace a blooming tear. 

The simple touch was indescribable. Something you never thought you could know for yourself. 

All you could think about was how warm he was.

“Birdy! Where the hell are you, girl? Get over here!” Came Ginger’s sudden drunken hollering, the moment doused in the shroud of reality as you all but jumped away. Crash’s arm stayed frozen in mid-air, his once prodding stare almost muted in agitation at the Crusader’s crude interruption. 

You shakily wiped at any reminisce of emotion, fiddling with your hair as if you’d been caught doing something more than just simply talking. Guilt and fear bore onto your shoulders like a burdensome cloak in record time. You needed to go before Ginger got too antsy. 

Looking back up at Crash, you were met with that same indifference as if the moment was just some figment of your imagination. Stewing in the sudden change would only lead to unnecessary embarrassment so all you could do was utter a quick ‘bye’ as you stumbled off towards the bonfire, heart racing something worrisome. Off to where you’d be reduced back to feeling like the piece of nothing you always were. 

It took all the willpower in you to ignore the lingering burn of the lost man’s stare and keep on toward everything you’d come to detest in your life. 

[mentauxx]

⚠️ Spoilers for Shinrei tantei Yakumo volume 11 - file 01 ⚠️

Part 1 starts with the first victim of the four supernatural phenomena/the nasty things that'll be occuring later on in this book.

Rereading this really makes me appreciate how good Kaminaga-sensei is at building up the tension and picking your curiosity.

Especially in this form since one chapter is translated per month (or two I think (?))

Waiting every two months for a chapter is WAY better than reading the whole thing in one sitting if you ask me.

The emptiness I felt after reading this in 2019 and that major cliff hanger was just too much to handle.

Part 2 jumps to Yakumo's POV A.K.A the best POV of the series.

Now I have a lot to say on this one, so I'll be making a separate post later.

But, omg the way he smiled just thinking about her? Boy is the standard FR

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3

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It's good to see Gotou doing well after his accident in volume 10. I do wonder how he'll handle the events that are about to occur in this volume tho.

The hug between Gotou and Nao is just too precious, and the fact that Atsuko referred to him as dad. Blood relation? Who needs that?

Unfortunately, Eishin just HAD to end his momentary happiness.

He'll never escape Eishin. Not even in Shin • Yakumo haha.

“I never wanted that”

This sure reminds me of when Ayaka was begging Kinoshita to “Stop already”.

Eishin is so unserious lmao.

-

4

-

Love the Ishii and Miyagawa duo. Ngl I do miss when Gotou and Ishii used to investigate together, but this duo isn't bad either.

You can tell Miyagawa's respect for Ishii definitely increased, ESPECIALLY since volume 9.

The head poke is so funny. Gotou could NEVER.

I don't blame Ishii for being scared. Not even one bit.

-

5

-

Yaharu my beloveds~

I'm definitely making a another separate post about the drastic changes in their relationship.

But for now I'll try to focus on the plot.

If I gained enough credits and landed my dream job MONTHS before I graduate, you won't stop hearing me brag about it.

Lol Haruka acting like a proud mother when Yakumo told her HE was the one picking up trouble this time.

-

6

-

I love how it said This box shouldn't be opened and then they proceeded to open it lol

I mean, I would've done the same 😂

-

7

-

STOP THE WAY HE PUTS HIS HAND ON HER HEAD

Mission: Stop putting your hand on Haruka's head.

Difficulty level: impossible

”Spread… what are you saying?”

Oh my god Yakumo 😂

The way Haruka finds Yakumo's glare adorable is just so cute.

“What a boring era.”

Lol

-

8

-

The Kumakichi joke will NEVER get old.

So Sana is a high schooler, huh.

I don't know why I imagined her a middle schooler while reading the prologue.

Maybe because the ghost she saw was a middle schooler I guess?

I feel bad Like how tf do you expect a human being to stay sane when a drenched ghost is approaching them every day?

Gotou and Ishii bumping into each other is hilarious.

-

9

-

Do NOT listen to her. It won't end pretty for you.

I understand why he would tho. Humans will cling to their last hope even if their brains scream that it's a bad idea.

-

10

-

I just LOVE the friendship between Haruka and Makoto, and them having girls talk in front of Yakumo is just hilarious.

Haruka offered her seat and sat next to Yakumo. Happened many times. Will I stop screaming about it? No.

Haruka, Yakumo, and Makoto trio? I support.

-

11

-

Oh, fun fact: Meisei university is actually a real university.

Nooo Yakumo are you ok? I hope he doesn't experience what happened in Aokigahara's sea of trees again :(

I love how we're learning more about ghosts in this volume.

“Stop it. Don’t you dare go and confirm it even if unintentionally.”

There's a limit to how wholesome a couple be, is Kaminaga-sensei perhaps not aware of this?

THE HEAD PAT Y'ALL

Makoto is so me lol

When I first read this volume in 2019 I didn't find it odd that Yakumo made up a lie and tricked the student affairs to get a key to the warehouse, but now that I'm rereading it, will Mizukawa REALLY believe that Yakumo decided to help out voluntarily just like that? Not to mention that Mizukawa isn't the only student affairs member Yakumo was involved with.

I wonder if this little detail will change in the complete version?

-

12

-

Keiko did point that out before to which Haruka replied that she “doesn't understand how someone can act spoiled in front of the person they like.” I relate so bad.

Yakumo supporting Haruka when she was about to fall is so cute.

Human experimentation? Are you kidding me rn?

The chapter ends with them discovering Unkai's corpse. I think I'm starting to understand the direction Kaminaga-sensei is going for. I've ALWAYS been interested in the circumstances regarding Unkai's death.

Overall, an excellent intro to the tragic incident that shocked Japan.

[taylor-swift-bracket]

Battle of the Bridges!

Round One

Debut Era 🦋

Tim McGraw vs. Picture to Burn

A Place In This World vs. Cold As You

Stay Beautiful vs. Should’ve Said No

Mary’s Song (Oh My My My) vs. Our Song

I’m Only Me When I’m With You vs. A Perfectly Good Heart vs. Invisible

Bea utiful Eyes vs. I Heart ?

Fearless Era✨

Fearless vs. Fifteen

Love Story vs. Hey Stephen

White Horse vs. You Belong With Me

Breathe vs. Tell Me Why

You’re Not Sorry vs. The Way I Loved You

Forever & Always vs. The Best Day

Ch ange vs. Jump Then Fall

Come In With The Rain vs. Superstar

The Other Side Of The Door vs. Today Was A Fairytale

Mr. Perfectly Fine vs. We Were Happy

That’s When vs. Don’t You vs. Bye Bye Baby

Speak Now Era 🎆

Mine vs. Sparks Fly

Dear John vs. Mean

The Story Of Us vs. Never Grow Up

Enchanted vs. Better Than Revenge

Innocent vs. Haunted

Last Kiss vs. Long Live

Ours vs. Superman

Electric Touch vs. When Emma Falls In Love

I Can See You vs. Castles Crumbling

Foolish One vs. Timeless

Red Era 🧣

State of Grace vs. Red

Treacherous vs. I Knew You Were Trouble

All Too Well vs. 22 (Taylor’s Version)

I Almost Do vs. We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

Stay Stay Stay vs. The Last Time

Holy Ground vs. Sad Beautiful Tragic

Everything Has Changed vs. Starlight

Come Back…Be Here vs. Girl At Home

Ronan vs. Better Man

Nothing New vs. Babe

All Too Well vs. 22 (original version)

Forever Winter vs. Run

The Very First Night vs. Safe & Sound vs. Eyes Open

1989 Era 🏙️

Welcome to New York vs. Blank Space

Style vs. Out Of The Woods

All You Had To Do Was Stay vs. Shake It Off

I Wish You Would vs. Bad Blood

This Love vs. I Know Places

Clean vs. Wonderland

You Are In Love vs. New Romantics

Slut! vs. Say Don’t Go

Now That We Don’t Talk vs. Is It Over Now? vs. Sweeter Than Fiction

Reputation Era 🐍

I Did Something Bad vs. Don’t Blame Me

Delicate vs. Look What You Made Me Do

So It Goes…vs. Gorgeous

Getaway Car vs. King Of My Heart

Dancing With Our Hands Tied vs. Dress

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things vs. Call It What You Want vs. New Year’s Day

Lover Era 💘

I Forgot That You Existed vs. Cruel Summer

Lover vs. The Man

The Archer vs. I Think He Knows

Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince vs. Paper Rings

London Boy vs. Soon You’ll Get Better

You Need To Calm Down vs. Afterglow

ME! vs. Daylight vs. All Of The Girls You’ve Loved Before

folklore era 🌲

the 1 vs. cardigan

the last great american dynasty vs. exile

my tears ricochet vs. mirrorball

seven vs. august

this is me trying vs. illicit affairs

invisible string vs. mad woman

epiphany vs. betty

hoax vs. the lakes

evermore era 🍂

willow vs. champagne problems

‘tis the damn season vs. tolerate it

coney island vs. ivy

cowboy like me vs. long story short

marjorie vs. closure

evermore vs. right where you left me

Midnights Era 🌌

Lavender Haze vs. Maroon

Anti-Hero vs. Snow On The Beach

You’re On Your Own, Kid vs. Question…?

Vigilante Sh*t vs. Bejeweled

Karma vs. Sweet Nothing

Mastermind vs. The Great War

Bigger Than The Whole Sky vs. Paris

Glitch vs. Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve

Dear Reader vs. Hits Different vs. You’re Losing Me

The Tortured Poets Department Era ✒️

Fortnight vs. The Tortured Poets Department

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys vs. Down Bad

So Long, London vs. But Daddy I Love Him

Fresh Out The Slammer vs. Florida!!!

Guilty As Sin? vs. Who’s Afraid Of Little Old Me?

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) vs. loml

Clara Bow vs. The Black Dog

imgonnagetyouback vs. The Albatross

Chloe Or Sam Or Sophia Or Marcus vs. How Did It End?

So High School vs. I Hate It Here

thanK you aIMee vs. The Prophecy

Cassandra vs. Peter

The Bolter vs. Robin vs. The Manuscript

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived vs. The Alchemy

Other 🎸

Carolina vs. Beautiful Ghosts

Christmas Must Be Something More vs. Christmas Tree Farm

Crazier vs. I Don’t Wanna Live Forever

Renegade vs. The Alcott

[lavender-rosa]

Kny Characters + What stories would they write?

Ok last one for now I just had a lot of ideas

(Also kind of a modern au)

This is also really long, it contains the majority of the characters

Tanjirou: Pens a very lovely and whimsical tale about a boy who goes exploring in a sunny wood and comes across various talking animals who often say funny, charming and sometimes deeply profound things about the nature of the world. Think Le Petít Prince meets Winnie the Pooh. Half of the people who read the story thought that it was a delightful read while the other half thought it needed more conflict (lameasses)

Nezuko: When she was a human she was too busy taking care of her younger siblings and doing laundry to write down her little tween girl self-insert fantasies of joining Robin Hood's band of merry men and becoming the new leader who steals Robin Hood's heart <3 and other similar characters who fight sexily against injustice.

Zenitsu: Writes cringy self-insert fanfic both in modern au and in the taishou era. He writes selfcest fanfic (but don't you get it? It's actually a metaphor about the duality of the self, and he's working out his inner demons UGH don't make fun of him!!!!!) and is that guy who writes really dark, fucked up fanfic about cartoons (he has watched a lot of anime). He's really into theaters, plays, operas, musicals you name it. He went through a big Tennessee Williams phase and tried to write exactly like him to.....middling success. He tried to write a musical once only to realize one song in, that an advanced sense of hearing and proficiency in multiple musical instruments doesn't actually equate to having any compositional talent. He'll stick to critiquing and leave the creative writing to people with more style and imagination.

Inosuke: He narrates a story about a boy who escapes an opressive society and goes to start an anarchist commune in the woods with other refugees. The fact that there are no rules and everyone does what they want is epic and he doesn't miss his old life at all even a little bit and then they all live happily ever after, the end. Shinobu claims that while his narration style is direct and incisive, the story ultimately lacks nuance.

Genya: He had a really big crush on Mulan and Li Shang when he was a kid and when he saw the garbage straight to DVD sequel it dissapointed him so badly he vowed to rewrite it so that it was good now, actually. He got three pages in before it occured to him that this was a waste of his time because no one but him would ever actually read it, and he abandoned it. Little did he know that little Nezuko would have loved to read it, but he didn't know Nezuko yet. Alas.

Kanao: She writes a series of diary entries from the perspective of a teenage girl. At first she's just talking about stereotypical teenage girl stuff, like the boy she likes and the mean thing her friend said at the mall, but then at some point the narrator realises that she's in a story, and her diary entries get introspective and frantic and meta as she is ultimately crushed under the weight of her own narrative. Her teacher deems it "brilliant" and suggests submitting it to literary magazines for publication to which Kanao replies "no thanks Λ_Λ 🫧"

Aoi: She once wrote a story inspired by "Over the Garden Wall" about two characters who are clearly her and Kanao navigating a sinister, mysterious forest together. It really helped her work through some stuff.

Senjurou: He makes an artbook of his crafts, paintings and photography. It has a very special place on Rengoku's shelf.

Rest of characters under read more

Shinobu: She writes a story about a lesbian pirate who has an affair with a bisexual tavernkeeper who is cheating on her shitty husband right under his nose. One day the husband finds out and gets violent so they kill him and serve chunks of his flesh to stray alley cats. Her friends and family really enjoy the story but others don't understand "why everything Shinobu writes needs to have such an agenda"

Sanemi: He pens a tragic fairytale about an empress who loses all of her children to various causes and ultimately kills herself. The style is very poetic and beautiful but the story is so unbelievably sad that anyone who reads it is prompted to ask "what was the point of this" and "if you need help i have a pretty good therapist i can recommend"

Giyuu: He once wrote a novella about a miserable, traumatised young man who causes problems for himself for no reason. Shinobu reads it and says "Wow Giyuu, this is an amazing piece of satire I never knew you had such a great sense of humour!" And Giyuu is just like "it wasn't meant to be comedic" and Shinobu's like "Oh......." Many years down the line Sanemi reads it too and argues that the protagonist needs to be punished more by the narrative and Giyuu responds "thanks...I'll keep that in mind....."

Gyomei: While not a man of many words, the novel he has been dictating reveals a very beautiful, sensitive, poetic soul and may move you to tears.

Muichirou: Doesn't read books and now you want him to write one???

Uzui: He wrote touching and hilarious letters to his wives whenever they were apart, which they keep stored in a small wooden chest and pull out to read whenever they are feeling wistful. Besides that he has no desire to write anything. The most he ever writes is when he is writing letters to other Pillars, which always say the same thing "Hey come over here so I can talk to you in person. Fuck you. Tengen"

Mitsuri: In the Kimetsu Gakuen comic series she along with Shinobu brainstormed a manga called "Sishinta and Friends" where all the characters are pieces of sushi and the romantic rival is a piece of shrimp called Ebi that looks like Rengoku and gets into conflict with a fried piece of salmon called Yakishake that looks like Akaza, who wants Ebi to get fried because if he doesn't he will spoil and die, but Ebi argues that getting spoiled quickly defines sushi and that he would never become fried and thus the two engage in a vicious crustacean vs aquatic vertebrate battle. Not kidding, it's chapter 11

Iguro: He writes a story from the perspective of an electron that doesn't know that it's entangled but can sometimes still feel that it is connected to something across the universe when it spins. It is a brilliant poignant story about starcrossed love and the significance of relationality across the cosmos that almost none of his peers understand "because it all sounds too sciencey"

Rengoku: Had a diary detailing his childhood, his mother and her passing, his father's descent into alcoholism, his little brother, his training exercises, his missions and his unsuccessful attempts at making his father proud. As the years passed the diary entries became shorter and shorter until one day they completely stopped...

Kagaya: Writes a dark comedy about a horrible, pathetic man who makes everyone around him miserable including himself because he refuses to adjust his insane principles even when presented with tangible evidence that contradicts his beliefs, at one point he commits multiple murders and gets away with them until the end of the story where he is killed by his own myopic greed. Muzan claims that the hero of the story "is greatly sympathetic" and that "he deserved a better fate" Kagaya is just like "yeah...I kinda knew you would say that... :)"

Tamayo: She pens a lot of theory that is highly abstract, very dense, overly cerebral, sprawling and bordeline illegible. Her works are sort of like if Feynman and Derrida had a baby and also that baby was in highly need of an editor that could whittle down every four pages into one sentence. She writes theory on every scientific field imaginable, including fields she all but invented. People who can actually figure out what the hell she is saying insist that she is a genius and that her ideas changed their life, but most people don't even bother or just pretend to have read her stuff.

Yushiro: He writes academic criticism/theory/research, which is ever so slightly more lucid and succinct than Tamayo's.

Kyogai: Writes a story about ghosts throughout time occupying a single house together, haunting each other, ever temporarily overlapping in a cacophony of grief. While coherent it is very dense, and most of his publishers don't bother actually unpacking it, so they mostly just complain about the non-linear timeline being "too confusing" (lameasses)Tanjirou loves it though.

Rui: When he was still a human he had diary entries, which served as a treasured outlet through to vent his supressed and overwhelming feelings regarding his illness. He didn't write every day, and sometimes his entries were longer than others. In the weeks between him meeting Muzan and him murdering his parents, Rui's diary entries took a turn for the messy, rambling, dramatic and graphic. His diaries were well-hid under a rug in his room and thus never found.

Muzan: He writes about an ubermensch who is able to valiantly resist the liberal indoctrination of the pathetic sjws who are triggered by his inner strength and sharp intelligence. It reads almost identically to Kagaya's story (except with a vastly different prose style), but unlike Kagaya, it is completely sincere and not remotely a satire. Unfortunate.

Kaigaku: Writes a story about a "really cool" alpha male whose girlfriend unfairly dumps him after their wannabe sigma male acquaintance who was jealous of him because he loved his girlfriend gets him cancelled on Twitter for saying a slur 10 years ago. But it turns out said guy who steals his girlfriend is actually a terrible person who treats women like shit despite posturing as a feminist for clout. Zenitsu reads it and is like "wow, this could actually be a very well thought out critique on performative allyship and how any kind of man can be equally abusive to the women in their lives....if not for the fact that THE SIGMA MALE IN THIS STORY IS CLEARLY A STAND IN FOR ME ???????"

Daki: She def has a "went through a phase of writing hardcore slash fic" vibes, I can't explain it but she does. She's also incredible at writing roasts. She gives a speech at every birthday party she has been invited to and it fucking kills.

Gyutaro: The first and only time he ever attempted constructing his own story was when he was very young, where he devised a truly gruesome story about woodland creatures that accidentally made Ume cry. Whoops!

Gyokko: He wrote the japanese equivalent of Donatien Alphonse Francois Marquis de Sade's "120 Days of Sodom" the book that inspired the well-known 1975 film Saló (on a sidenote: I have read the book and it's much worse than the movie, just read the wiki summary to get the idea) Anyways if you are familiar with the book or the film you should know that whatever the hell Gyokko wrote is not suitable for human or demon consumption alike.

Hantengu: Spent a couple decades or so publishing a series of action-adventure-erotica novels under a pseydonym. Once you've been around for long enough, you just start doing shit.

Akaza: When he was young he wrote about a brave and valiant samurai who goes off to slay an oni and bring it's head back as a trophy for the shogun, only to learn that the oni was really just minding her own business, leading him to question everything he thought he knew about the Japanese feudal government, and ultimately beheading the shogun instead. His teacher deemed it "intriguing, but slightly concerning" (Lame!!!) Also probably had a Magneto and a Robin Hood phase.

Douma: Publishes a book that is one part self-help, one part gloating memoir, one part spiritual guide, one part personality quiz and 100% barf. Hakuji cannot believe that Koyuki has read it cover to cover multiple times, as if it contains wisdom deserving to be gleaned even once. He'd burn it if he didn't know that Koyuki would just immediately go out and buy another copy, giving even more money to that bastardly scammer.

Kokushibou: He finds most novels insipid, poetry either boring at best or nauseating at worst, and fanfiction a hobby practiced only by the most simple minded buffoons so he doesn't think he's missing out. He once sent a letter to Douma but never received an answer from him, so when he asked him about it when they met face-to-face Douma simply told him that attempting to read through and trying to comprehend Kokushibou's highly antiquated and dense writing was sheer torture for him so he just gave up ❤ he advised him to modernize his writing, even just a tiny bit. Kokushibou could do that....but he refuses to ❤️

[enchantedalexia]

Songs Taylor Hasn’t Performed on The Eras Tour *complete edition*

Debut

tim mcgraw, picture to burn, teardrops on my guitar, a place in this world, cold as you, the outside, tied together with a smile, stay beautiful, should’ve said no, mary’s song oh my my, our song, i’m only me when i’m with you, invisible, a perfectly good heart

Fearless Taylor’s Version

fearless, fifteen, love story, hey stephen, white horse, you belong with me, breathe, tell me why, you’re not sorry, the way i loved you, forever and always, the best day, change, jump then fall, untouchable, come in with the rain, superstar, the other side of the door, today was a fairytale, you all over me, mr perfectly fine, we were happy, that’s when, don’t you, bye bye baby

Speak Now Taylor’s Version

mine, sparks fly, back to december, speak now, dear john, mean, the story of us, never grow up, enchanted, better than revenge, innocent, haunted, last kiss, long live, ours, superman, electric touch, when emma falls in love, i can see you, castles crumbling, foolish one, timeless

Red Taylor’s Version

state of grace, red, treacherous, i knew you were trouble, all too well, 22, i almost do, we are never ever getting back together, stay stay stay, the last time, holy ground, sad beautiful tragic, the lucky one, everything has changed, starlight, begin again, the moment i knew, come back.. be here, girl at home, ronan, better man, nothing new, babe, message in a bottle, i bet you think about me, forever winter, run, the very first night, all too well 10

1989 Taylor’s Version

welcome to new york, blank space, style, out of the woods, all you had to do was stay, shake it off, i wish you would, bad blood, wildest dreams, how you get the girl, this love, i know places, clean, wonderland, you are in love, new romantics, “slut!”, say don’t go, now that we don’t talk, suburban legends, is it over now?, sweeter than fiction

reputation

ready for it?, end game, i did something bad, don’t blame me, delicate, look what you made me do, so it goes, gorgeous, getaway car, king of my heart, dancing with our hands tied, dress, this is why we can’t have nice things, call it what you want, new year’s day

Lover

i forgot that you existed, cruel summer, lover, the man, the archer, i think he knows, miss americana and the heartbreak prince, paper rings, cornelia street, death by a thousand cuts, london boy, soon you’ll get better, false god, you need to calm down, afterglow, me!, it’s nice to have a friend, daylight

folklore

the 1, cardigan, the last great american dynasty, exile, my tears ricochet, mirrorball, seven, august, this is me trying, illicit affairs, invisible string, mad woman, epiphany, betty, peace, hoax, the lakes

evermore

willow, champagne problems, gold rush, tis the damn season, tolerate it, no body no crime, happiness, dorothea, coney island , ivy, cowboy like me, long story short, majorie, closure, evermore, right where you left me, it’s time to go

Midnights

lavender haze, maroon, anti-hero, snow on the beach, you’re on your own kid, midnight rain, question…?, vigilante shit, bejeweled, labyrinth, karma, sweet nothing, mastermind, the great war, bigger than whole sky, paris, high infidelity, glitch, would’ve could’ve should’ve, dear reader, hits different, karma feat ice spice, you’re losing me

The Tortured Poets Department

fortnight, the tortured poets department, my boy only breaks his favorite toys, down bad, so long london, but daddy i love him, fresh out of the slammer, florida!!!, guilty as sin?, who’s afraid of little old me?, i can fix him (no really i can), loml, i can do it with a broken heart, the smallest man who ever lived, the alchemy, clara bow, the black dog, imgonnagetyouback, the albatross, chloe or sam or sophia or marcus, how did it end?, so high school, i hate it here, thanK you aIMee, i look in people’s windows, the prophecy, cassandra, peter, the bolter, robin, the manuscript

Singles

crazier, this is what you came for, i don’t wanna live forever, christmas tree farm, only the young, renegade, carolina, all of the girls you loved before, if this was a movie, safe and sound, eyes open, us.

Other Artists’ Songs

I Miss You I’m Sorry with Gracie Abrams, Thinking Out Loud with Ed Sheeran, espresso with Sabrina Carpenter, Please Please Please with Sabrina Carpenter, I Love You I’m Sorry with Gracie Abrams

Bold- on the setlist

Italicized- on the setlist for a brief time

Crossed out- surprise song

Crossed out and purple- repeated surprise song

Crossed out and blue- twice repeated surprise song

Crossed out and pink- thrice repeated surprise song

crossed out and green- repeated more than three times surprise song

song in mashup- red

[everythingchoices]

What do you think about the recent Choices books? Any favorites?

Hey Anon. Thanks for stopping by.

Eh. Not all that good lately to be honest with you. I'm enjoying Kiss of Death so far. We'll see where it goes.

I did like Laws of Attraction but the ending was bad, as they usually are of late.

The Nanny Affair was pretty good too. I enjoyed the characters (except the stupid stunt with Sam and the ex at the restaurant 🤮).

Wake the Dead was ok. We'll see with the second book.

The Cursed Heart is pretty good. I'm gonna be very upset if the 2nd book turns into a wedding book! 🤣🤮

Unfortunately I find myself diamond mining most books these days.

The Golden Era of Choices is definitely behind them. I really miss the old books. The Freshman series (my all-time favorite. I adore Kaitlyn Liao), The Royal Romance series, Ride or Die, Endless Summer, Hero, and of course Open Heart.

I still play tho (been a VIP member for years). What do you think of them lately?

Again thanks for stopping by. Don't be a stranger 😉

[ausetkmt]

Florida’s Gamble Plantation romanticizes a Confederate past | Bradenton Herald

https://www.bradenton.com/news/local/article272640515.html

The Gamble Plantation in Ellenton, Florida. In 2023, the Gamble Plantation near Bradenton remains a romantic postcard to the Old South, where slavery is glossed over. Ellenton

On a sunny spring day at a state park in Florida, the United Daughters of the Confederacy threw a government-sponsored fundraiser.

A poster for the 61st annual Gamble Plantation Spring Open House promised “fun, excitement and learning for the whole family.” It was emblazoned with a Confederate flag.

Another flier from the Florida Department of Environmental Protection offered a chance to “travel back to the Old South.”

On March 5, cars packed into the lot of the Judah P. Benjamin Confederate Memorial at Gamble Plantation Historic State Park near Bradenton.

Visitors wandered the grounds of the oldest building in Manatee County, where historical reenactors in 19th century period costume stood about.

“I Wish I Was in Dixie” rang out on a woodwind. Civil War-era goods and crafts were displayed beneath moss-covered oaks. Confederate and wartime flags flew.

But missing from the day’s events was any detailed mention of the majority who lived at the plantation and built its landmark home: enslaved people.

Walk Gamble’s grounds in 2023, and the decades of slavery that happened there are out of sight and out of mind.

“I think it’s great,” said Tom Goins, a visitor from Kentucky, said of the open house event. “I’m really surprised there’s not people out here trying to talk it down, because it is a memory of the days gone past and the Confederacy.”

A reenactor displaying a Confederate battle flag said, “I guess by some people it’s used for the wrong reasons. As a kid we used it as rebellious.

“There ain’t been no slavery in over 150 years,” he said, waving his hands dismissively.

In the shade of the Greek Revival-style mansion, crowds lined up for tours.

Inside, UDC members offered insights to the wealthy planter class lifestyle in mid-1800s Florida. The trappings of wealth — fine dishes, crystal, furniture — were preserved and displayed with care.

Lighthearted anecdotes, delivered with Southern tongue-and-cheek, told of the many inconveniences of life for some of Manatee County’s first white settlers.

Baths were a grimy affair. Beds needed frequent delumping. Mosquitoes were a constant menace. And so on.

“The history of the War Between the States is where we’re coming from,” said Peggy Veeder with the Judah P. Benjamin Chapter of the United Daughters of the Confederacy (UDC). “We support veterans, we donate to local charity, we have a scholarship contest. We promote history.”

The one-hour tour spotlighted two historical figures: Major Robert Gamble, the plantation’s original owner, and Judah P. Benjamin, the Confederate secretary of state whom the park memorializes.

Gamble first brought 10 enslaved Black men with him. That number had increased to 144 men, women and children by the time Gamble sold the plantation in 1858, and up to 190 by the 1860 census.

On the open house tour, a guide briefly described the classes of slave labor at Gamble: field workers, skilled laborers and house workers.

She described the house worker role as a “plum job.”

“Life was pretty good, as it could be,” the tour guide said, adding that children of enslaved people who worked in the house were often raised with white children of the household.

Then it was on to other subjects.

Missing were any details about how the enslaved people lived, the conditions they labored under, or what they contributed.

One visitor’s impression:

“A lot of the slaves had good lives,” Goins said. “It’s all the lives they had. And after they were free, they had nowhere to go. They had no one to take care of them.”

There is little to support or refute those claims at the state park.

While the exact conditions at Gamble have not been confirmed, historians have found that plantation owners often subjected enslaved people to extreme work hours, brutal whippings, sexual abuse, family separation, inadequate food, meager shelter and the denial of education, among other inhumane conditions.

At Gamble, there is only a ledger of slave names in the visitor’s center and a small sign on the property, next to the white-columned, two-story, 10-room mansion that the enslaved built brick by brick of clay and tabby.

Forever a Confederate shrine?

The United Daughters of the Confederacy purchased the then-crumbling Gamble Mansion and surrounding lands in 1925 before deeding it to the State of Florida.

The gift came with stipulations. A big one: the site must be preserved forever as a Confederate monument, with members of the UDC leading the effort to preserve it. The politically connected group has shaped the telling of the plantation’s history ever since, with the state’s blessing.

It’s also why the site is designated as the Judah P. Benjamin Confederate Memorial. Benjamin, often referred to as “the brains of the Confederacy” during the Civil War, is believed to have briefly stayed at the plantation as he fled to England after the South’s rebellion failed.

Benjamin was an accomplished lawyer and the first openly Jewish U.S. senator. He was also a slave owner and an outspoken advocate for it.

Benjamin’s connection with the Ellenton site is small compared to the enslaved people that built and spent many years of their lives there. The details of his stay at the home are surrounded in uncertainty.

“This memorial is dedicated to Confederate veterans,” says a monument raised in 1937. Elsewhere, a commemorative garden has bricks engraved with the names of members of Confederate heritage organizations.

As the grim parts of its history have faded into the background, the home has become an often romanticized landmark.

In the early 20th century, rosy postcards celebrated the mansion’s Southern charm.

“Steeped in legend and tradition it now stands in its original glory as a history reminder of the Civil War days,” one postcard reads.

‘It’s problematic’

Some see the park’s current use as a painful whitewashing of the past — one that paints a romantic picture of the pre-Civil War South without fully recognizing the atrocities that are also a part of its story.

“It’s a very exclusionary framework they have there. It’s problematic,” said Diane Wallman, an associate professor of anthropology and scholar of Atlantic slavery and colonialism at University of South Florida.

Wallman led archaeological digs at the site in 2017 and 2018 that unearthed thousands of artifacts from the home’s past.

One of her graduate students, Matthew Litteral, sought out the locations of the slave quarters using a combination of historical records and remote sensing technology. Historic accounts describe dwellings “built of palmetto logs, and thatched with the leaves” and later structures built of tabby.

His research revealed a promising site: a field owned by a private landowner adjacent to Blackburn Elementary School, near the ruins of a sugar mill that was once operated by the enslaved workers.

Other records indicate there may have been slave quarters between the Gamble Mansion and the Manatee River.

“Though high probability areas for the archaeological remains of enslaved houses were identified, no excavations were conducted at these sites due to a lack of landowner interest and skepticism from Ellenton townfolk,” Litteral wrote in his thesis.

No additional excavations have taken place.

How could Gamble be re-envisioned?

Other parks that have been reinterpreted around the U.S. include the historic homes of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and James Madison and former plantation sites like Whitney Plantation in Louisiana and McLeod Plantation Historic Site in South Carolina.

In his 2019 research, Litteral recommended the creation of a new tour script and additional markers at Gamble that include more narratives of the enslaved, as well as collaboration with their descendants.

Those looking for a more inclusive account of Southwest Florida’s past don’t have to look far. Just across the Manatee River, Reflections of Manatee in Bradenton offers visitors stories of the many groups of people that have influenced the area’s rich history.

They include Native Americans, Cuban fisherman, escaped enslaved peoples who formed the Angola settlement, and pioneer settlers of European descent.

“Our community today is so fractured, and part of that is because people don’t see that they have a shared history,” Reflections of Manatee President Sherry Svekis said.

“I’ve never quite understood how Gamble as a state park can really only concentrate on the glorious plantation building and the life of Robert Gamble and the escape of Judah P. Benjamin without acknowledging the reality of who cleared the fields and who did the cooking.

“I think if we’re looking to try to move forward as a community, we have to understand that every group of people who has lived here has contributed to who we are today and what our community is today.”

UDC’s long history of control

Though the UDC gifted Gamble Mansion and grounds to the state, records indicate that they have maintained a significant say in what happens there over the decades.

For years, the group’s power over interpreting the park was enshrined in state law, which called on the governor to appoint three out of five members of the park’s advisory council from the Judah P. Benjamin Chapter of the United Daughters of the Confederacy.

“It shall be the duty of the advisory council to advise the Division of Recreation and Parks of the Department of Environmental Protection in the operation, restoration, development, and preservation of the Judah P. Benjamin Memorial at Gamble Plantation Historical Site,“ said the statute, which was repealed in 2012.

USF researchers found that there have been several attempts to expand the historical narrative at Gamble. But they were consistently met with backlash from the United Daughters of the Confederacy.

“It’s been a long fight. There was one in the 70s, one in the 90s, one in the 2000s. You had Florida Parks Service staff who were interested in changing the interpretation,” Wallman said.

During its first iteration, the Gamble served as a museum to the Confederacy itself, and rooms were dedicated to the different states that seceded from the Union.

“The new script included historically accurate interpretations for rooms throughout the mansion, and emphasized the daily lives and tasks of enslaved laborers,” USF’s Litteral and Wallman wrote in a presentation to the Society for Historical Archaeology in 2018.

But records show that UDC members, upset at the idea of changing the museum from a Confederate shrine, appealed to Thomas Gallen, a conservative state senator. The lawmaker pressured Stevenson and the park system to compromise.

“In the end, the back two rooms of the house were left to be commemorative to Benjamin and Confederate heritage. Many edits were also made to Stevenson’s original tour script by members of the UDC, and in the end almost all mentions of slavery were omitted,” Litteral and Wallman said.

In recent years, UDC members have maintained an influence through the park advisory board, which most state parks have.

The Gamble Plantation Preservation Alliance (GPPA) supplies volunteer power and financial resources and helps decide priorities for the park.

Its current president, Gail Jessee, is founder of the Confederate Cantiñieres Chapter of the UDC in Tampa. Jessee also has helped organize movements against the removal of Confederate monuments around Florida.

“As far as I can tell, every director of the board there has always been a UDC member,” Wallman said. “So they control a lot of what goes on there.”

Jessee and the Florida Division of the UDC did not respond to the Herald’s request for comment.

Documents from the board suggest its leadership may be open to change.

“The GPPA has been working towards improving the interpretive value of the park by developing more information on the enslaved that worked the plantation,” says a report signed by Jessee in 2022. “It’s a difficult task and little by little improvements have been made and more is planned.”

But Wallman and other scholars question what is taking so long.

“I would say they’ve made small baby steps,” Wallman said. “We noticed some shift in the tours, with a little more mention of the enslaved.”

“Those were the majority of the people who were living there,” Wallman said. “But they get maybe a few sentences.”

Small changes ‘at a slug’s pace’

Felicia Silpa is the only member of the GPPA who returned requests for comment. She is not a member of the UDC. The former trauma nurse got involved at the park while she was going back to school to study anthropology.

Silpa now serves as the park advisory board’s archaeologist. She has been studying Gamble Plantation for over 20 years and has published research papers and articles that question the lack of history of enslaved people.

“The Gamble Plantation can move beyond being a repository for the planter material culture to one of a more inclusive historical museum that places African Americans in prominent roles rather than erasing them,” Silpa wrote in her 2008 master’s thesis at USF, which provides an outline of how to make the park’s interpretation of history more inclusive.

“I don’t know why we’re moving at a slug’s pace,” Silpa said.

“Right now, it’s theater,” Silpa said. “We go in and we have somebody telling us the story. And the story is Gamble. He’s the central character. But we can add other characters. We can add the enslaved, and be honest about what their experience was like.”

In 2020, one update was made at the park that mentions the enslaved. A marker donated by the Gamble Plantation Preservation Alliance depicts what one of the palm cabins that Black inhabitants lived in may have looked like.

The marker offers little detail. Silpa said it’s a step in the right direction.

“I’m proud that we are moving forward. It’s about time,” Silpa said. “But there’s more that can be added to the story.”

Where historical scholars and the UDC can agree is that Gamble Plantation is worth preserving.

Park visitors call for change

State records show that Gamble Plantation gets about 50,000 visitors a year. Calls for change at the park are nothing new.

Visitors, community members, historians and activists have taken issue with how slavery is downplayed at the site. Here are some of their takeaways after visiting:

“While the informed tour guide knew about the slaves who lived here, built the place, and operated the sugar plantation, he only referred to them in response to my questions,” Bernard Leikind wrote in 2016. “There is nothing of slave life on display, and I saw no evidence of archaeological investigation of slave life.”

“Maybe it’s time for the State of Florida to rethink how it is presenting history at the Gamble Plantation,” Robert Plunket wrote for Sarasota Magazine in 2017. “At the moment, it would be an unpleasant experience for African-American schoolchildren.”

“At Auschwitz-Birkenau concentration camp... imagine if jocular tour guides focused upon the life and times of the Nazi officials, with only a nod to the 1.1 million victims who perished?” Vanessa Hua wrote for the San Francisco Chronicle after visiting the park in 2020.

“It’s impossible to imagine many black Americans — even those who determined that an ancestor had been enslaved at the Gamble property — would feel comfortable visiting the park given its Confederate memorial overlay,” Mark R. Howard wrote for Florida Trend in 2020.

Chandra Carty, a Manatee County woman with direct family ties to a man who was enslaved at Gamble, recently came forward to call for change at the site in an interview with 10 Tampa Bay WTSP. “They obscured what really happened here,” Carty said.

“Slave plantations should be a source of collective shame and sorrow, a historic source of healing, not a space to have a ‘Gone with the Wind’ moment or weddings or picnics,” John Sims wrote in a Tallahasee Democrat opinion piece in 2020. “And the idea that a former slave plantation, as a shrine, as a state park, is being used to memorialize the Confederacy, with taxpayers’ funds, with descendants of African slaves’ tax dollars, reflects a serious breach of moral accountability.”

Sims was a Sarasota artist and former Ringling College of Art and Design professor who in 2020 started a campaign to “rename and recontextualize” Gamble Plantation.

He died unexpectedly at age 54 last December, and Gamble hasn’t yet changed.

But his vision for reinterpreting plantation sites lives on, said Kyeelise Thomas, a Sarasota writer and journalist who is working on a memoir of Sims’ life and work.

“In John’s view, the park was named after a traitor,” Thomas said.

“He wanted to compel people to understand that if you can honor a stranger who was hosted on a piece of land in the state of Florida, surely you can honor the lives that worked, that toiled, that were lost on that land under the plantation system.”

In 2021, Sims teamed up with USF’s Department of Anthropology to host a four part series titled “Monuments, Markers and Memory.” It included a roundtable at Gamble aimed at pressuring the state to change the park’s name and broaden its narrative.

More than a monument

Like many Confederate monuments, Ellenton’s was established decades after the Civil War ended, during the Jim Crow era of segregation.

Common arguments for creating Confederate monuments include honoring the dead and preserving history. But critics say they were used as tools to rewrite history and uphold notions of white supremacy and “Lost Cause Ideology.”

The Atlanta History Center defines lost cause ideology as “an alternative explanation for the Civil War developed by white Southerners after the war’s end, (that) seeks to rationalize the Confederacy. It claims that slavery was not the central cause of the Civil War. Instead, it claims the primary motivations for secession were threats to the U.S. Constitution and the principle of states’ rights.”

“White peoples in power, including former Confederates, enacted racial segregation laws to create a society based on white supremacy — one that mimicked the Southern social, political, and economic order of slavery prior to the Civil War and emancipation. These laws were reinforced by social practices as well as race-based violence,” the Atlanta History Center says in its guide to interpreting Confederate monuments.

In Manatee County, documented cases of racial violence in the Jim Crow era included at least six lynchings and an active presence of the Ku Klux Klan.

“Confederate Statues Were Never Really About Preserving History,” a 2020 project by data journalism group FiveThirtyEight is titled. It found that Confederate memorials started going up by the hundreds in the early 1900s, “soon after Southern states enacted a number of sweeping laws to disenfranchise Black Americans and segregate society.”

“And this effort was largely spearheaded by the United Daughters of the Confederacy, who sponsored hundreds of statues, predominantly in the South in the early 20th century — and as recently as 2011,” the project reported.

One such monument, a 22-foot memorial to Confederate veterans and “the best traditions of the South,” was removed from downtown Bradenton in 2017 after protests for social justice.

Commissioners previously discussed Gamble Plantation as a potential home for it, but more recently expressed interest in reinstalling it downtown.

Throughout the South, many monuments like it have come down permanently as sentiment grows that they do not belong in public spaces.

“There’s no joy we find in the Confederate flag or any statue that represents that time,” Manatee NAACP Luther Wilkins previously told the Herald. “To other people, it would be a war that was fought for a family’s livelihood and way of life, but to us, it’s a bitter past. It’s a hurtful past.”

Gamble Plantation is just one example of Confederate symbols and culture that enjoy special protection under Florida law.

Despite several attempts to repeal them, current laws protect the Confederate flag from “improper use or mutilation.” Confederate Memorial Day and the birthdays of Robert E. Lee and Jefferson Davis are legal Florida holidays.

Park’s future is unclear

Though the UDC’s influence remains active at Gamble, it’s ultimately the state that decides how its history is presented.

A 2022 report by the Citizen Support Organization makes reference to a possible name change and reinterpretation of the park. But it is unclear if any plans are still in motion.

“In July 2020, we were informed our Park was to be ‘re-interpreted’ as well as a possible park name ‘change,’” says the document, which is signed by GPPA president Gail Jessee. “With this possibility overshadowing any CSO plans coupled with no communication from Tallahassee on whether the GPPA will be included in this new direction, it is difficult to set long-range goals to work toward.”

The state parks system is overseen by the Florida Department of Environmental Protection. When asked if there were any active plans to reinterpret the site in 2023, FDEP did not give a definitive answer.

“The Florida Park Service is committed to providing resource-based recreation while preserving, interpreting and restoring natural and cultural resources, and the agency strives to do this in a positive and appropriate manner,” FDEP spokesperson Alexandra Kuchta wrote in an email.

“Our agency is always evaluating how we communicate Florida’s unique history across all state parks, including at Gamble Plantation Historic State Park.”

The park’s manager was prohibited from speaking with the media.

This story was originally published June 15, 2023, 11:40 AM.

[galindathrop]

Eras Tour Setlist and Surprise Songs (as of May 5, 2023)

I figured with this weekend being Nashville I should update this month old post. 

Taylor Swift

Tim McGraw - March 17

Picture to Burn

Teardrops on My Guitar

A Place in this World - April 22

Cold as You - April 23

The Outside

Tied Together with a Smile

Stay Beautiful

Should’ve Said No

Mary’s Song

Our Song - March 24

I’m Only Me When I’m with You

Invisible

A Perfectly Good Heart

Fearless (Taylor’s Version)

Fearless

Fifteen

Love Story

Hey Stephen

White Horse -  March 25

You Belong With Me

Breathe (feat. Colbie Callait)

Tell Me Why

You’re Not Sorry - April 21

The Way I Loved You

Forever & Always

The Best Day

Change

Jump Then Fall - April 2

Untouchable

Forever & Always (Piano Version)

Come In with the Rain

Superstar

The Other Side of the Door - April 28

Today Was a Fairytale - April 22

You All Over Me (feat. Maureen Morris)

Mr. Perfectly Fine

We Were Happy

That’s When (feat. Keith Urban)

Don’t You

Bye Bye Baby

Speak Now

Mine

Sparks Fly

Back to December

Speak Now - April 13

Dear John

Mean - April 15

The Story of Us

Never Grow Up

Enchanted

Better than Revenge

Innocent

Haunted

Last Kiss

Long Live

Ours - March 31

If This Was a Movie

Superman

Red (Taylor’s Version)

State of Grace - March 18

Red

Treacherous - April 13

I Knew You Were Trouble

22

I Almost Do

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

Stay Stay Stay

The Last Time (featuring Gary Lightbody of Snow Patrol)

Holy Ground

Sad Beautiful Tragic - March 31

The Lucky One - April 2

Everything Has Changed (featuring Ed Sheeran)

Starlight

Begin Again - April 23

The Moment I Knew

Come Back… Be Here

Girl at Home

Ronan

Better Man

Nothing New (featuring Phoebe Bridgers)

Babe

Message in a Bottle

I Bet You Think About Me (featuring Chris Stapleton) - April 30

Forever Winter

Run (featuring Ed Sheeran)

The Very First Night

All Too Well (10 Minute Version)

1989

Welcome to New York

Blank Space

Style

Out of the Woods

All You Had to Do Was Stay

Shake It Off

I Wish You Would

Bad Blood

Wildest Dreams

How You Get the Girl - April 30

This Love

I Know Places

Clean - April 1

Wonderland - April 21

You Are in Love

New Romantics

Reputation

…Ready for It?

End Game (featuring Ed Sheeran and Future)

I Did Something Bad

Don’t Blame Me

Delicate

Look What You Made Me Do

So It Goes…

Gorgeous - April 29

Getaway Car

King of My Heart

Dancing with Our Hands Tied

Dress

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Call It What You Want

New Year’s Day

Lover

Forgot That You Existed

Cruel Summer

Lover

The Man

The Archer

I Think He Knows

Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince

Paper Rings

Cornelia Street

Death by a Thousand Cuts - April 1

London Boy

Soon You’ll Get Better (featuring The Chicks)

False God

You Need to Calm Down

Afterglow

Me! (feat. Brendon Urie of Panic! at the Disco)

It’s Nice to Have a Friend

Daylight

Folklore

The 1 (era opener as of 3/31)

Cardigan

The Last Great American Dynasty

Exile (featuring Bon Iver)

My Tears Ricochet

Mirrorball - March 17

Seven (spoken)

August

This Is Me Trying - March 18

Illicit Affairs

Invisible String

Mad Woman - April 15

Epiphany

Betty

Peace

Hoax

The Lakes

Evermore

Willow

Champagne Problems

Gold Rush

‘Tis the Damn Season

Tolerate It

No Body, No Crime (feat. Haim)

Happiness

Dorothea

Coney Island (feat. the National) - April 28

Ivy

Cowboy Like Me - March 25 (with special guest Marcus Mumford)

Long Story Short

Marjorie

Closure

Evermore (feat. Bon Iver)

Right Where You Left Me

It’s Time to Go

Midnights

Lavender Haze

Maroon

Anti-Hero

Snow on the Beach (feat. Lana Del Rey) - March 24

You’re on Your Own, Kid - April 14

Midnight Rain

Question…?

Vigilante Shit

Bejeweled

Labyrinth

Karma

Sweet Nothing

Mastermind

The Great War - April 14

Bigger Than the Whole Sky

Paris

High Infidelity - April 29

Glitch

Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve

Dear Reader

Hits Different

[chimaerabutt]

I miss… childhood wonderment. And I don't know how much of what I've lost is naivety and innocence vs the world changing around me, anymore.

I miss that sense of wonder at new fantasy worlds I encountered. I miss ravenously devouring books and games and movies alike. I miss entertaining little what if's in my head about if things had turned out differently in those settings, or entire scenarios spawned from questions the setting never answered.

Some of it's time. I DO have less time now to watch movies, read books, play games, etc. Some of it is that I'm more aware of the world around me and can see the problems in old media I used to love, and the ways they're often harmful, but it also feels like so much less even interests me these days.

Some of that is probably depression, sure. But not all of it.

The part I’m left worrying and wondering over is how much of it is just interests calcifying as I grow older (I don’t think my interests are narrow, at least..) and how much is just… games changing? Movies? Books?

I’ve replayed older games from my childhood and most of them hold up. I’ve played older games from that era I never got to as a kid and enjoyed them as an adult. But now…

I don’t know. A few games really come through and a lot of games feel… too derivative of each other now. Indies interest me consistently more than big budget affairs, barring a few titles here and there (AA's usually) that dial in to my interests hard. I know that any big budget title will be filled with crunch and corner cutting by the end. Major studios regularly release games that I swear, even a decade prior, would have gotten an extra year to iron out problems.

Movies are too fast paced, with no room to breathe. I find myself sometimes craving older movies from before my time even, when a slower pace was normal and there was time to breathe and process between scenes. (That older movies were actually well lit and used way fewer jump cuts doesn’t hurt, either. ) I was mystified when I first watched Fury Road because of its simple decision to shoot all action center shot, and how much EASIER it made action scenes to follow. How nice it was to not have the camera laser focused on tits and ass.

And books…

Idk. I’ve read a lot of good books from the last ten years. It’s great so many new authors who wouldn’t have gotten a voice before can, now. …but my god does it often feel like I’m wading through a waist high pile of what feels like sloppy fan fiction with the serial numbers filed off just enough just to FIND them every time I go looking for a new good read. A lot of the blogs I used to go to for recommendations are gone now. Booktok is... booktok, and a lot of those reviews are focused on quick digestible works that give instant gratification and not much to chew on. No shame to those that want that. ...but I don't. (And of course, like with all social media, what comes up on your feed is largely controlled by what you decide to view and comment on. I've found a lot of GOOD Booktok recommendations, but it's shockingly hard to find recommendations outside of hard sci fi and theory / educational content, these days.)

I don't know. This is certainly not me yearning for "olden days" so much as it is me... wishing the internet of my childhood (moreso of my teens) existed in the world of today, I suppose.

I know what I want is out there, but I hate how capitalism's consumption seems to be growing faster and faster and faster. Everything is just "content" now. Corporations have shrunk the whole internet down to what feels like 5 sites. Google is a shriveled, atrophied advertisement service now, moreso than a search engine. It feels like I've lost a limb. Algorithms adjust things in the background across great swaths of social media, and tweak things slowly boiling the pot so that no one really notices when whole categories of people vanish from their feeds, or if someone does and calls it out, they look crazy.

...and art just becomes 'content'.

As an artist I feel I'm suffering for it all, because you CAN'T continue to pull and pull from yourself without putting something back in. ...but it's harder every day to find things to put "back in" while avoiding doom scrolling. It's harder every day to find things that interest me enough to engage in. Vapid content that takes seconds to absorb does better, so it's pushed. It's prominent. It's visible. Major blockbuster affairs all start to feel the same as bloated corporations endlessly pursue "safe" formulas that sell.

We've had OVER 30 MARVEL MOVIES.

It's exhausting.

[clarklovescarole]

September 1938: Carole's Taxes

September 1, 1938 – Morning Post

Carole Lombard is selecting hip boots, leather coat and other knick knacks for a weekend hunting trip. She leaves with Andy Devines, Clark Gable and Norris Goff for the opening of duck season. 

September 2, 1938 – Lancaster New Era

“I Think That’s Fine”

Miss Carole Lombard, of the movies, recently delivered some remarkable observations on taxes. The government took something over 85 percent of her $465,000 income and she announced that it was perfectly lovely. “I’m pretty happy with the whole thing,” she averred. “I have no kicks at all – I think it’s fine.” 

The government, she continued, spent most of it “for me, on generational improvements on the country, and I really think I got my money’s worth.”

Very idealistic, though there are those who believe that as Miss Lombard recently took a two-week flyer working as a press agent, this may have had something to do with it all, but they are just horrid cynics.

September 3, 1938 – Stockton Daily Evening Record

It’s true what they say about Carole Lombard: that she’s a riot to work with. We saw that when on the David O. Selznick set, where Carole and thin Jimmy Stewart are making “Made For Each Other.” The story, by Rose Francken, appeared in Red Book as “Of Great Riches.” 

Carole’s stand-in was doing her stuff when we heard a lot of giggling and a slim, blonde girl in a good-looking brown sport felt hat and a lighter-toned sport coat appeared.

“That’s Carole,” someone said as the blonde burst into a peal of laughter.

Still hatted, coated and giggling, she climbed on the bed minus its headboard, footboard and posts, and Jimmie Stewart, also hatted and coated, followed her. More giggling as Carole burst out with: “Isn’t this silly?” By that time everybody was smiling or giggling, the slim little script girl in slacks and the sound mixer who wears a headphone as he sits at what looks to be a switchboard.

September 4, 1938 – The Knoxville Journal

The week in Hollywood – Carole Lombard scoots around the Selznick lot on a motor scooter, gift of Clark Gable.

September 6, 1938 – The Spokesman Review

Clark Gable accompanied Carole Lombard to her first day’s shooting on “Made For Each Other,” and then had to watch her make love to Jimmy Stewart…

September 6, 1938 – San Francisco Examiner

When Carole Lombard and Clark Gable play tennis together, she usually wins…

September 7, 1938 – Wilkes Barre Times Leader

Clark Gable finally sold his flashy $3,000 roadster because every time he took Carole Lombard out driving people recognized them…

September 9, 1938 – Buffalo Evening News

A newsreel photographer wanted to take pictures of Carole Lombard on a scooter she received from Clark Gable, but Carole quipped, “Only way I’m going to be photographed is from the front – never in a retreating position.” Which reminds me of a story told by Donald Crisp about the handsome Mr. Gable. “It was when I was a director in the old De Mille studios. Gable came to see me and was so nervous that I offered him a drink. ‘I don’t want a drink,’ he stammered. ‘I want a job.’” Those days must not seem very distant to Clark.

September 10, 1938 – Los Angeles Times

On blue days Carole Lombard invites her friends to tea and tells them the story of her life. 

September 16, 1938 – Star Tribune

Carole Lombard prefers the set cleared when she does those love scenes with Jimmie Stewart in “Made For Each Other.” 

September 17, 1938 – San Francisco Examiner

If any of the movie stars are AWOL in the next two weeks, you might try paging them at the Pomona County Fair. … Last year Clark Gable and Carole Lombard went with us and we never had so much fun in our lives.

September 18, 1938 – St Louis Globe Democrat

Cupid’s Arrows Fill Hollywood

Perhaps the news that attorneys for the Clark Gables are busy working out a financial settlement of their affairs is the most interesting romance item. Carole Lombard is house hunting in Brentwood, and the tip is that it has a direct relation to Clark’s impending freedom by way of Reno.

September 18, 1938 – St Louis Globe Democrat

Carole Lombard may earn $400,000 a year but she still lives in a rented house, drives a 2-year-old Ford and has never had a chauffeur.

September 20, 1938 – The Evening News

Clark Gable Signs For Role

Louis B. Mayer is shown signing contract permitting Clark Gable to play the role of Rhett Butler in “Gone with the Wind.” David O. Selznick, standing, will produce it and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer will release it.

September 20, 1938 – The Record

September 22, 1938 – The Province

Carole Lombard’s newest publicity pictures are all very dignified – no more harum-scarum poses – for a little while anyway. Incidentally, Mr. Gable has added another accomplishment to his ever-growing list – he has initiated Carole into the mysteries of skeet shooting.

September 23, 1938 – Los Angeles Times

Jimmie Fidler – Passing By

All the Hollywood news I know at this time is that Carole Lombard complained bitterly to Clark Gable about the smell of the stuff he uses on his hair.

September 24, 1938 – Buffalo Evening News

Sheilah Graham

Carole Lombard-William Powell, Clark Gable-Rhea Gable – how do the members of this quartet regard and treat each other in the narrow confines of Hollywood? 

Lombard and Powell are perhaps greater friends now than when they were husband and wife. When they first started making “My Man Godfrey,” their dressing rooms were at the opposite ends of the set. Halfway through the picture they were halfway nearer each other. By the time “My Man Godfrey” was in a “canned” condition, their two rooms were side by side! And the ex-Mr. and Mrs. dined together at least five times a week, and it looked as though Bill had nosed out Mr. Gable for first place in Carole’s heart.

Chilling – These Gables

Clark has never resented this reappearance of Powell in Carole’s life and recently listed Bill among the ten men he likes best in Hollywood.

Gable’s relationship with estranged wife rhea is something else again. Shortly after their separation, I remember seeing them at a New Year’s Eve party in Sam Goldwyn’s house. But Clark was careful to remain in one room and Rhea was just as anxious to stay in another. I saw them pass each other once. Their faces wore a strained smile. Nowadays, hostesses take good care to invite them separately, as Clark is very embittered anent the huge settlement he is paying his second wife. 

September 25, 1938 – Detroit Free Press

Carole Lombard may be a glamour girl on the screen, but off it she is becoming more of a hillbilly with each passing day. Of course, Clark Gable has had a lot to do with Carole’s back-to-earth trek. No girl who just pretended to like the great outdoors and limped through meadows in high heels would ever pass with Clark. Also there’s nothing halfway about Carole. On a recent dove hunting expedition with Clark, Andy Devine and several others, she was the first to shoot the limit.

“Carole will go anywhere a man will,” Andy told me. “We started out from a lodge beyond Bakersfield at 5 o’clock in the morning. She was up even earlier, cooking ham and eggs for the whole crowd. She tucked her trousers into her hip boots and waded through slush so deep she had to carry her gun over her shoulder to keep it dry. She cleaned her own doves, digging the shot out of them as efficiently as any of us guys.” 

So it looks as though the modern girl is dispelling the billing-and-cooling technic of the last century with a blast of bird shot through the heart of the dove.

September 26, 1938 – Chicago Tribune

There is a tremendous national interest in Hollywood and its performers, absolutely no interest in Hollywood executives. To my surprise, there is no resentment toward picture performers because of the high salaries they receive. “They pay most of it back in taxes,” the fans tell you philosophically. The pair about whom you are asked the most questions are Clark Gable and Carole Lombard. To the people these two seem to be the most typical of movie stars, exciting and glamorous.

September 30, 1938 – Wilkes Barre Times Leader

Clark Gable almost fell off the observation platform kissing Carole Lombard good-by when his train left for the East…

September 30, 1938 – Minneapolis Star

(Cedric Adams on Clark’s visit to Canada for a hunting expedition)

He made a daily call to Carole Lombard and frequently they talked for 10 minutes. They wired each other daily and exchanged a daily letter. Carole’s a crack shot and much of the telephone conversation concerned Clark’s hunting. Last year Lombard and Gable hunted together for three days and the two of them shot one teal. She killed it. Carole’s going to join him into the Canadian spot next year.

… Over the telephone and in telegrams, Gable calls Lombard Ma and she refers to him as Pa.

[emberphoenix-san]

Rapid fire recs before I fall asleep; unless otherwise mentioned all of these are available on itch.io:

Aer: memories of old. exploration. A short and sweet non-combative game with a great soundtrack. You play as a bird shapeshifter and fly around the sky islands (switch, steam)

Mewnbase. Survival base-builder/exploration. You’re a little cat on a barren planet and it’s your job to expand your base

A mortician’s tale. You’re a mortician managing a funeral home. Prep the deceased, attend their funerals, and have a chat with their family members.

Lenna’s Inception. Gameboy-style Rpg. The kingdom’s in shambles, glitches run rampant, the hero is missing, and you, a tutor who really doesn’t want to do this, must step up and save the day.

Odd Realm. Colony sim (still in early access). A fairly small fantasy colony sim. Standard colony sim stuff

Littlewood. Life sim / city builder. The town has been destroyed in the chaos of the final battle, and it’s up to you, dear hero, to rebuild it!

Oneshot. Puzzle / adventure. You awake in a dark world. It’s up to you to restore this world’s sun

Death’s door. Action rpg. You play as a reaper whose assigned soul gets stolen, and now you have to find a replacement, and quick, before death starts to take its toll on you (switch, steam)

Shipwreck. Adventure rpg. Reminiscent of gameboy-era Zelda, you’re set to travel the land and conquer its challenges to make your way off the island you’ve been stranded on

One step from eden. Deck builder / roguelike. A beautifully illustrated, fast paced game that will challenge you to the very best of your abilities. The love child of slay the spire and crypt of the necrodancer (switch, steam; demo available on itch.io)

The unholy society. Action adventure. Chocked full of sarcasm and witty humour, you play as a “snarky exorcist”, set on a mission from the pope himself to put an end to the nefarious scheming and attempts to overthrow “the big guys” (switch, steam)

Gourdlets. Sandbox city builder. A very relaxing game with gorgeous art. Build and decorate a town and watch as Gourdlets show up (steam; currently demo-only)

Roadwarden. Text-based rpg. You play as the new roadwarden, patrolling the roads between towns, discovering the secrets and untwisting the mysteries. It’s a dangerous job, but it pays well

Minit. Adventure. Played sixty seconds at a time. The world has been cursed so that each day ends after 60 seconds, and it’s up to you to lift that curse

Thou shalt be brave. Adventure rpg. Journey your way through encounters good and bad as you prepare to face the evil wizard

Honourary mention: Dwarf Fortress. The colony sim to end all colony sims. It asks and answers the question "what if everything in this world was a simulation?" It's a simulation of simulations! Fight monsters, read up on Aban Astidor's torrid love affairs, and most importantly, build and mine the most glorious fortress the continent has ever seen! (note! classic dwarf fortress is available for free!)

May one of these permanently rewire your brain <3

Any cool indie game recommendations?

Oh boy do i ever!!

Tunic is a fantasic isometric rpg where you play as a lil fox unveiling the mysteries of the world you've woken up in. It's full of secrets! If this intruigs you do not look up any info about it just play it. The entire game is about uncovering secrets DO NOT let urself get spoiled it will ruin the game.

The Cosmic Wheel of Sisterhood is a witchy choose your own adventure type story where you make your own tarot cards after being banned from using traditional tarot cards.

Sable is a 3D rpg that takes place in a desert, you play as the titular Sable going on an adventure to find her place in the world. You ride around the desert on a hover bike it's so much fun. It's got a lot of outfits you can dress up in and you can customize your hover bike.

Strange Horticulture is a choose your own adventure plant collector game, where you have to look for the plants to give your clients and uncover the mysteries of your clients bcz they are often up to some shady shit.

Monster sanctuary is a pokemon meets mario type of game. It's a 2D platformer and you can collect the monsters you fight. It puts a unique twist on many known pokemon mechanics ("shinies" that have lore reasons for existing, HMs are basically there BUT the HM monsters dont need to be on your battle team, evolution is a much more restrictive concept that very few monsters have and evolving your monster doesnt necessarily make them better, but rather changes their niche)

Diaries of a spaceport janitor is a game i am very bad at! But i love it anyway. You are the janitor of the spaceport and also you get a key to go in the dungeons. I dont know whats down there tbh i spend all my time being a janitor and getting lost. The spaceport loops in on itself so it feels very big despite being actually quite small. Also you change your gender on the regular and there is a skull you got cursed with too. It's super fun! Listen i just. I just like cleaning the streets. Theres more to it than that but that's all i do.

And that's just the indie games i know of that i also think a lot of people havent heard of! There are so many indie games out there im positive there are multiple indie games that you would enjoy! :)

[vicbartons]

Back to tour affair era ask, all i wanna do is add that not only did Aaron have all the agency, but he sorta dictated how the affair went on. One grumpy look from Aaron and Robert would come crawling. From day 1 when they decided to have the affair down to the reveal that was Aaron driving. Sure, Robbo did change gears occasionally, but Aaron was always in full control.

yess! so much this!! i was thinking about this, but wasn`t sure how to frame it, but god yes!!! aaron might not have even known it and it might not have always looked it from the outside - because robert has an overblown ego and a tongue that`s too sharp and cruel for his own good - but whenever it really came down to it, it was aaron who called the shots. robert was the one who kinda set the playing field, but aaron was the one making the rules in the long run. especially as the affair went on and they got stuck deeper in it, it was mostly robert who was desperate to make aaron stick around, which made him willing to take more and more risks and made him put things on the line that just a few months earlier he never would have gambled with. 

[lushlovers]

Xbox Withdrawals, J Burrow

summary; the burrows decorating their beautiful home for christmas and dallas being the equivalent of the grinch :).

warnings; swearing, dallas the sass master, joe being sad for two seconds, tooth rotting fluffffff

word count; 1k

note; i hate this sm but i had to put out something. thank you all so so much for the recent love on my works, and for 55 followers on here?? if there's anything you guys have in mind that you want written send it my way, i need some ideas!!

"Alright, everything Christmas-ish is down from the attic, as requested, mama," Joe informed you, waltzing into the kitchen with a very unhappy looking Dallas in tow. He probably was put to the slightest work by his father, now he'll be a sourpuss for the rest of the morning.

Annika sat comfortably on your hip, staring up at her father with your same eyes. She was your twin and Joe loved it. The boys were spitting image of him, just with your complexion. He loved to see your little mini me's running around your house.

You hum in return, pressing a kiss to his cheek as a thank you, "ew," Dallas is always cringing at the slightest contact his parents make. Being like every seven year old ever. Geo comes in to see what he missed out on while he was watching his cartoons, "Mama, up!"

"I can't pick up both of you, baby. Anni's getting too big for that." He turns to your husband after your response, and he's scooped up before he even has to ask, but instead of Joe holding him, he sits him down on the counter, "My back is killing me," you groan, getting older is actually the worst thing ever.

"I can tell it's raining, my knee's killing me," Joe mentioned, stretching out his leg the best he could. After surgery it absolutely kills him in the cold.

Decorating in the house was an all day affair, no matter how fast you all tried to get it done, having a seven month old and a five year old running around was a challenge on the daily, let alone when there were glass ornaments sitting out as you placed them along the tree.

Unfortunately, baby Annika has figured out she can pull herself up on the coffee table in the living room and mess around with whatever may be on top of it. Once it's in her hand, of course it ends up in her mouth, some way somehow, especially since her gums bother her so much with teething.

Joe and Dallas had both volunteered to set up the lights on the bushes outside and around the trees, the rest up higher would be taken care of when there's no little ones around who could possibly climb up a ladder or something along those lines.

Going out and looking for a tree was probably the easiest part in all of this, the whole Burrow family got together and did it as a family. Having Joe's brothers and their wonderful families around to blend with your own was something beautiful to watch, especially seeing them all get to grow up side by side. You were the same way as a kid, always hanging out with your cousins.

Thankfully, today Annika has decided not to throw her tantrums or break something on the table whilst you decorate the tree, she even wanted to help the best she could. She reached out for the sparkly red bulb in your hand, to which you perched her upon your hip, taking her hand in yours and hooking it onto one of the beautiful branches.

Geo was hooking them onto it as well, pointing to each one he did searching for praise on the good job he was doing at being a helper, and you are quick to praise his skill every time just because it makes him smile. He's such a little bundle of energy and smiles no matter the time or place. Dallas too usually, but he's in a sassy era at the moment.

Speaking of, he comes inside, this time with Joe following him, kicking his shoes of with even more attitude than before, he'd gotten really accustomed to being on his Xbox all the time, but that was nipped as soon as he got too comfortable sitting around on it all the time. His playing hours are limited, especially when Joe's home. He loves spending time with the boys whenever he's capable.

"He's still mad about the Xbox?" You ask, already knowing the answer, of course he is. Joe only nods, flopping down onto the couch, Dallas had disappeared somewhere upstairs, most likely on his game despite him not supposed to be. "I just don't get why he doesn't wanna spend time with me," he muffles, but you understand what he said perfectly.

"He does, baby," you frown, sitting yourself down beside his head, "He talks about you all the time, to everyone. Even at school, all his teachers know who you are. It's just.. He's a boy in this century, thats all he does is sit on that game for hours." You're telling him the truth, that's all Dallas really likes to do.

"How about you go and join him, while us three finish the tree, then we can all come watch?" He lifts his head, smiling big and pearly at your great idea, causing his eyes to crinkle a bit. He nearly jumps up and trips over something on his way to the stairs. How had he not thought of this yet?

Geo had barely paid any attention to your conversation with your husband, only continuing to add the glittering tinsel along the tree, being sure to pick up the little pieces he'd managed to drop, "Mama, doesn't it look so pretty?" He's asking again for your validation and you happily oblige.

"It's gorgeous, baby. You did a great job helping mama."

[extremelyblackandwhite]

just between us, did the love affair maim you too? | lee bodecker

PAIRING: lee bodecker x reader

WARNINGS: affairs, age gap (reader is younger than lee), mentions of miscarriage

A/N: taylor swift drops an album and i drop angst, it’s a thing. 

next chapter

She rode up to town in the breaking dawn train, white shirt tucked into her brown skirt with a scuffed brown bag. The sunlight was still dim, covered by the clouds that always seemed present in Knockemstiff and the only other people in the train station were the old train conductor and the ticket vendor half asleep. This old town should feel like home, after all she’d been born here and lived here for 5 years before her mother escaped town and took her and her older brother with her.  After that, she only came here for the summers, spending time with her poor father who had never been the same and help him manage the diner. Even though she’d only been 5 years old, she couldn’t forget his father begging her mother to stay, to let them stay but she had her mind made up. That memory and the sound of the car wheels against the sand of the pavement haunted her. Her father was a good man and one of the very few good husbands in Knockemstiff; he was just not the man her mother wanted. Her mother wanted the city lights and the socialite life only New York could give her while all her father wanted was to settle down and have his family around him; they just didn’t match. Maybe her mother had been benevolent to her father, excusing him the pain of having to watch her go through an affair or maybe she’d been selfish. She’d been a good mother, she still was but moving away had left a scar in their family. 

Her older brother wanted nothing to do with their father or the city they’d born into; he had gotten engaged to a Wall Street stockbroker’s daughter, graduated from economics and lied about being born in New York. He barely put his feet in Knockemstiff, the last time being when he was 10; thus, when news came to them her father’s health had taken a downturn, she knew it was up to her to come help him. 

She signalled a taxi, sitting in the backseat before turning to watch her home town wake up with the day. Things didn’t change, new buildings weren’t built, this town appeared to remain closed in the era it was created, basking in an ever glory that no longer existed. It had a charm to it but it hide its secrets, its darkness with a coat of glossy pastels, turning the city into a snow globe of evil. Her father did use to say their town was the birth of evil, of corruption. He didn’t particularly liked it, he’d want to move somewhere else yet the diner owned by his own father had stopped him. He’d never admit it, but having his children grow up away from this town had somehow been good. 

The driver dropped her in front of her house, taking the change she had before driving away. Her hand grabbed the handle of her bag and she turned to look at her childhood home. It also never changed. She grabbed the key from under the flower pot and opened the door.

       - Dad? - she closed the door behind her, leaning the suitcase against the wall. - Dad, it’s Y/N. 

      - Blossom? - his voice echoed through the house. She smiled at the old nickname, walking into the living room where he was sat in his chair, a blanket over his lap. - Blossom, you’re here. 

      - Did you stay here all night, dad?

      - I wanted to make sure you got home safe, blossom. - he caressed her face as she leaned down. - You didn’t need to come. 

     - Can’t let you work yourself to death in the diner. The nurse said you could barely walk without help. 

     - Shouldn’t you be enjoying your school break with your friends?

     - I miss working the diner. I’m staying here with you, ok? I’ll waitress for a bit and help Al and Dorothy.

     - You sure?

     - Sure. - she smiled, leaning against the rests of the chair. - Tell you what, I’ll open the diner and then I’ll pick you up for lunch. Fries and steak like when I was a kid, remember?

     - Take the old truck and watch out. Call me when you get there, please.

The old truck, the same truck she’d learned to drive in when she was way too young to learn to drive. It made more noise than a hen do in Vegas, yet it somehow still worked despite it being younger than both her and her brother combined. She got the diner keys from the key plate, the pie keychain making her smile. 

She made her way downtown to the diner, closing the door and stopping to look at the same building where she worked every summer. Except for the two past summers; her father was right, Knockemstiff didn’t get the best out of everyone and it hadn’t gotten the best of her. She shook her head, trying to shake out those memories off her brain before she made her way inside the diner. She’d opened up before, so many times the routine was still etched into her muscles. It was simple really, turning the lights on, turning the coffee machine on, and putting the uniform on. Oh that uniform, the little blue dress with the rip on the side of her leg that she never got to fix and the little white apron which had some coffee and grease stains. She got changed in the bathrooms, coming out to see Al and Dorothy.

    - Oh, Al, she is here. - the middle aged woman said, walking up to Y/N to look at her. - I did tell you she gets more beautiful each year, didn’t I?

    - Here to help the old man? - Al, the cook walked into his kitchen, sticking his head off the window. - Where’s your brother??

    - He couldn’t come. He’s engaged, you know?

    - Jimmy’s engaged, huh? - Dorothy took off her jacket, downing the same apron. - I always thought you’d get engaged first. You were always the cuter child.

    - Yeah, Y/N, no guys in the big city?

    - Oh, I don’t have time for dating with school and coming up here during the summer. - she smiled politely, playing with the hem of her skirt.

    - Is the Carries’ boy still single? We should set you up. 

    - Oh no, it’s fine. I’m just here to take care of dad, besides, mum can only afford one wedding. 

The daily routine at a small town diner was as predictable as seasons changing. People come in for their breakfast, leave to work and return for lunch. There’s never new people or anyone she wouldn’t recognise, people don’t come to Knockemstiff, they merely leave. Things were always in a sort of twilight zone, nothing changing yet everything moving at a fast pace. Those who she knew from childhood were married with kids and those who were married contemplated their 5th affair of the month. Yet, somewhere in the middle of all of this she found this weird feeling of nostalgia. No one changed and she knew everyone and so did they; specially those who had seen her grow up. From the man whose name he’d never told her who used to buy her strawberry milkshakes when she came upset from school to the lady who still sent her a Christmas card every year wishing her the best. Maybe Knockemstiff was the root of all evil but it was also filled with all her best childhood memories; after all, this was the closest thing she had to a postcard of her childhood. Things in the city don’t tend to stay the same.

She finished pouring the coffee for old man Joe who was telling her about how some kid had painted his cows pink when the little bell went off. She looked into the direction of the door before all the emotion drained from her face, she excused herself before walking into the back. ‘Course, things don’t change and she didn’t know why she expected that particular thing to change. She rubbed her neck, not caring if she was surrounded by the smell and heat of grease which was making bead of sweat roll down the back of her neck. 

     - What’s wrong? - Dorothy walked into the kitchen, punching an order into the spinning wheel. - Do you need to go outside for a while, dear?

     - Yeah. - she quickly took off her apron, throwing it onto the hook before stepping outside, her shoes making sound against the sandy, rock pavement. The wind hit her, almost mocking her for the decisions of a stupid 20/21 year old she had been 2 years ago. It had all the right to do so, after all, she was no saint and of course her sins came back to haunt her.

In the dinner, the environment did not changed. After all, she was not an integral part of it, she was merely the daughter of the owner who came every summer to scrap up some extra money and see her father. She wasn’t particularly part of the city council or missed by those who didn’t cherish her childhood. Dorothy snickered, moving her head as she noticed a particular presence in one of the diner, understanding why the younger waitress had ran out. She took a pencil from the kitchen and made her way towards the table, hand on her waist as she flipped her notebook.

   - What do you want, sweetheart?

   - I don’t want you as my waitress. - Lee took his hat off, a casual arrogance of someone who’d come into power.

   - I don’t know what other waitress you’d want, honey. There’s only me and Al here. 

   - You and I both know that’s not true. I saw her and unless you have a ghost of Y/N parading around, you know which waitress I want. - Lee was an abrupt man. He always said what he thought and asked for what he wanted, a trait not appreciated by most people yet he was still feared. He was the sheriff after all, and if he wanted to make someone’s life a living hell. 

   - Why won’t you leave her alone, Lee? Aren’t you married?

Lee chuckled, looking at the middle age waitress before looking up to the kitchen where Al was.

   - Aren’t you, Dorothy?

There was no saying no to the sheriff. Even if he wasn’t sheriff, he was always a great debater, having been the lead of the debate team at high school as rumours would say. It was impossible to confirm that, only Lee knew and he made sure nothing of his past was known or confirmed. The only thing left from his past was his wife Florence, whom rumours said had been a prostitute he’d gotten pregnant. According to some older ladies, he’d gotten her pregnant and proceeded to a shotgun wedding forced onto him by her father only for Florence to go through a miscarriage later. Ever since, it was quite clear they hated each other or at least did not enjoy each other’s presence. She had a strew of affairs with older and younger men while he, oddly enough, remained with a clean reputation. Of course Dorothy knew this was not true, the mere example now standing outside. His little secret, he’d kept her such a secret people in Knockemstiff even wondered if the two had ever crossed paths. 

She made her way outside, her heart aching at what she had to ask of the woman who had her eyes shut and body leaned against the wall. She guessed it was both their fault for this situation; yet, she was too young and expected to make mistakes, he was 30 and should’ve known better. Dorothy didn’t even need to ask her, the 23 year old seemed to know what she needed to do the moment the middle aged woman stepped outside. 

Dorothy gave her a pitiful smile as Y/N put her apron back, closing her eyes and taking a deep breathe before stepping outside. She was a professional and was used to dealing with people she didn’t particularly felt comfortable around, after all she lived in New York. She stood in front of the edge of the table, pencil in her hand as she stared at the sheriff with a look other people wouldn’t dream to use.

   - What do you want? - she scribbled some nonsense on her pad, trying to appear cool. Yet, how does one appear cool in front of the man she hadn’t purposely seen in two years.

   - I will be damned, I thought people were joking when they said you were around. 

   - Well, my father still lives here after all.

   - Don’t see your brother here, actually ... I haven’t seen you here for what? Two years? 

   - Have you been counting, Lee? 

   - Why are you being so aggressive? 

   - You’re wasting my time, Lee so unless you’re gonna order, I’m gonna go and see if someone actually needs my help. - she forced a smile before turning on her white shoes to take someone else’s order.

There was something different about her and it wasn’t her appearance. She still looked as beautiful as the first day he saw her, if not even more. However, she was not exactly the innocent 20 year old he’d meet 3 years ago. Three years ago, she could barely hold a conversation with him without flushing, much less tell him off. It wasn’t like he deserved it, he did, he deserved any sort of thing she threw at him. He’d turn her into a secret. Her, the girl who was in love with the idea of romance. Instead of driving up to her home with flowers, she’d meet him in a rented car outside of town. Instead of going out dancing, they would dance in the refrigerator light of her home when her father wasn’t around. He’d kept her into a mystery, patching her into a long line of women whom he had affairs with. There was always something different about her. It was almost like she was the one who brought the sun to Knockemstiff and if he was being honest, he didn’t know why he was even here. He knew he wanted to see her, to see if she’d gotten married in the past years, if she’d done something. However, he doubted she’d have a 5 minute long conversation. 

Lee sighed, taking a long look at her while she was busy taking orders before exiting. The sound of the bell had the weight taken off her chest as she returned to her work as if nothing happened. She was always good at hiding her trauma.

The rest of the day went by like past summer days went; her father had come up to have lunch only to leave after she forced him to do so once she noticed he was trying to work. She knew she wasn’t going to close the diner, she wanted to go home early and make dinner and show some photos of her brother to her father so her gaze remained stuck to the clock, hoping 5 o’clock would come before Lee decided to come in again. Luckily he didn’t and at 5 o’clock once the night started settling in, she was out of the diner and inside the truck. She turned the key on the ignition, the truck starting only to go immediately down. She stood speechless, repeating the motion, hoping the truck would turn on again yet it didn’t. She sighed before hitting the steering wheel, rather harshly until a flashlight shone on her side.

   - Are you okay? - great, of course things could get worse.

   - Yes. - she lied.

   - Is the truck not starting again? 

   - What do you mean again? 

   - Your father’s been having some issues with it lately. Old truck. - he bite the inside of his mouth. - Come on, I’ll take you home.

   - In your cruiser? - she mocked him. He deserved that. - I’ll walk home.

   - No, you won’t. It’s a 40 minute walk.

   - Thank you for the information I did not ask for. 

   - The police is a public service, Y/N. You either get in the car or I’ll call your father and I don’t think you want him getting out of the house unnecessarily. 

She forced a smile, grabbing her bag with her clothes before climbing out of the truck. Turns out a truck cannot last forever and of course it had to break down on her. At least it was better breaking down on her than on her father in the middle of the night. She got into the passenger seat in Lee’s cruiser, leaning against the car window as he started the car. Her heart clenched as she remembered the many times she was never allowed in his car. There was this weird grey pink filter over what sort of connection she’d had with him. She had always felt like he adored her, there were sweet memories yet it always felt like it was doomed. She might’ve loved him to a point of making it an oath, yet she was merely a young girl he found attractive. In all those sweet memories there were those of calls not answered and waiting by the door on her 21st birthday for him to come. He never did. 

   - You’re 23 now, aren’t ya? 

   - Yep. - she nodded, short, not wanting a full conversation. 

   - Did you finish school?

   - Postgraduate now. 

   - How’s that treating you? Last time you were here was during your birthday, wasn’t it? 

   - Well, it is supposed to be fun turning 21, isn’t it? - he knew this was a dig at him, a very not well disguised answer which read leave me alone. So he did. What could he do?

The two continued down the road, past all the places they used to know until they arrived at her home. He parked outside her house, looking at her figure illuminated by the flickering lights. He realised he’d never driven her home, he’d never checked if she arrived home safe. Had he been so stupid, so afraid of people whispering he’d been so careless with her heart? 

   - Y/N ... - he started as she moved to open the door.

   - I don’t want to talk to you, Lee. - she turned her head harshly, letting her feelings very well known. - I am not here for you.

   - Y/N, we need to talk. We never talked about it.

   - Fine, let’s talk about it. You listen, while I ask you something. - she was more assertive, something that came with age and probably the scars of having her innocence ruined so early. - Did the love affair maim you too?

He didn’t reply, merely staring at her if he hadn’t heard her question. She scoffed, trying to hide the fact her broken heart she had stitched close was now ripped open.

   - Thought so. - she replied, opening the door to leave.

He did not drive away, instead he opened his glove compartment, grabbing something she could not make up before throwing it outside the window and driving away. She looked at the ground, a red piece of fabric on the pavement which she waited to pick up before he was long gone. 

He’d thrown away her red scarf. 

[octaviasdread]

any girls! dark academia movie recs? i really struggle to find anything not about a group of boys (as much as I love them)

SO MANY!!! This is probably a far more detailed answer than you were expecting but this is a popular question and I want to keep a list for myself and others.

Feel free to add to it/give opinions. I've tried to give a tw for anything I can remember

Girls! Dark Academia Movies/TV Shows

Mona Lisa Smile (2003)

1950s Women’s college

Art professor! Julia Roberts

She’s legit the female Mr Keating of the art & college world

Feminism vs. Tradition

Maggie Gyllenhall x Ginnifer Goodwin; their characters were more than friends. Fight me.

Does not end how you expect

Strike!/All I Wanna Do/The Hairy Bird (1998)

MY FAVOURITE!!!

Free on YouTube under one of its various names

Comedy

1960s all girls boarding school

Young Kirsten Dunst

Group of girls plot to sabotage a merger with a boys school less prestigious than their own

Secret attic clubhouse meetings of the D.A.R aka Daughters of the American Ravioli (eaten cold, ew)

girls get political & advocate for their rights using ANY elaborate and chaotic scheme

TW: eating disorder, vomiting & creepy male teacher but the girls plot against him too

The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie (1969)

based on a short book I read for uni by Muriel Spark

1930s girls school in Edinburgh

Scottish teacher! Maggie Smith, controversial with a focus on romantic ideals

Spoiler alert, the liberal teacher is actually a fascist

Her group of fave students has cult- vibes and it’s fascinating

Picnic at Hanging Rock

1970s movie or 2018 mini series

Never watched either but I plan to

Wild Child (2008)

00s romcom every UK teen girl loves

Emma Roberts as the spoiled rich American teenager sent to a strict English boarding school

Plots to get herself expelled but oh no she’s making friends with the girls who help her

And the headmistress has a hot son, and he’s nice??? Double oh no

ICONIC SCENES

Everything! Goes! Wrong!

omg she burns the school down

Feel good, comfort, nostalgia

St Trinians (2007)

English girls boarding school

The kids are all criminals, no joke

So are the teachers

CHAOTIC

gay awakening for british girls

Art heist pulled off by school girls

Government tries to shut them down but oh no, the education minister & the headmistress are ex-lovers

Colin Firth x Rupert Everett in drag

Superior cast: Jodie Whittaker, Gemma Arterton, Juno Temple, Stephen Fry, Colin Firth, etc...

embodies the phrase 'problematic fave'

St Trinians 2: The Legend of Fritton’s Gold (2009)

Mystery, pirate ancestors, hidden treasure

omg Shakespeare was a woman

girls disguised as boys to infiltrate and rob the posh boys school

Villain! David Tennant in that ICONIC boat scene

Teen girls vs. ancient misogynist brotherhood

like the first film but MORE chaotic and BETTER!???

The Falling (2014)

1960s all girls school

best friends! but its unrequited love

Agoraphobic + distant mother aka mommy issues

Sudden death and the school suppresses/ignores the students grief, sparking mass hysteria & a fainting epidemic in the girls

Cast: Maisie Williams (GoT) & Florence Pugh (Little Women) & Joe Cole (Peaky Blinders)

TW: teen pregnancy, death, vomiting, underage s*x, sibling inc*st, past s*xual assault

READ THE PLOT SUMMARY FIRST

The Book Thief (2013)

Based on an amazing book by Markus Zusak

set in 1940s Nazi Germany

Daughter of a communist whose family were taken by the Nazis/died is fostered by an older couple who teach her to read & she paints a dictionary on the basement walls

Coming of age story about a compulsive book thief. No joke, this kid steals books from banned book burnings and breaks into the mayor's library through the window

Family hides the Jewish son of an old friend in their basement and he helps her to start writing about her experiences in the war

TW: death, bombings, WW2 anti-semitism

Mary Shelley (2017)

Overall good & roughly biographical

Pretty costumes and aesthetic

Modern feminist take on Mary Shelly in her own time period

So many INACCURACIES for the drama so don’t take it as truth

Percy Shelley slander and not all of it is justified

Cast: Elle Fanning, Douglas Booth, and Maisie Williams

The Secret Garden (1993)

Based on a fave childhood book

1901 colonial India & Yorkshire, England

Orphaned, spoilt & neglected girl sent to live with her reclusive Uncle in the English countryside

Gothic elements, mysteries, secret doors/passages/locked gardens

local boy with a flock of animals, magic, kids chanting around a fire and all around immaculate vibes

Happy ending!!!

Hidden Figures (2016)

African-American women as mathematicians for NASA

1960s space project

Women balancing a career and family obligations

Deals with racial & gender discrimination

Loosely based on the lives of Katherine Johnson, Mary Jackson, and Dorothy Vaughan who worked for NASA as engineers & mathematicians

Anne of Green Gables (1985) & sequel (1987)

Adaptation L.M. Montgomery’s ‘Anne of Green Gables’ books

Canada (late 1890s/early 1900s)

Highly imaginative & bookworm orphan is adopted by a reclusive elderly brother and sister duo

Small town & school years comedic drama

Unrequited Enemies -> Friends -> lovers

Inspiring new woman teacher

Girls re-enact Tennyson’s poem and nearly drown for the aesthetic™

Dramatic poetry reading with INTENSE 👀eye contact👀

Writer! Anne & English teacher! Anne dealing with unruly girls school antics

Collette (2018)

biographical drama on french writer Sidonie-Gabrielle Collette

Victorian & Edwardian era France

More talented than her husband so she ghostwrites for him

Fight for creative ownership of her wildly successful novels

Affairs with a woman called Georgie and also with Missy, born female but masculine presenting

Cast: Keira Knightly, Dominic West, Eleanor Tomlinson (Poldark)

Enola Holmes (2020)

Netflix book adaptation

Younger sister of Sherlock Holmes

Victorian era! feminism/suffragettes

Mother-daughter focus

Mystery, adventure, secret codes, teens running away & escaping from (and eventually fighting) assassins

Cast: Helena Bonham Carter, Henry Cavill, Sam Claflin, Fiona Shaw, Millie Bobby Brown

Ginger & Rosa (2012)

1960s England

best friends since literal birth navigating troubled teen years

poet & anti-nuclear activist! Ginger

off the rails but also catholic! Rosa

Shout out to Mark & Mark the gay godfathers we all want

family troubles 

TW: older man has an affair with a 17 yr old

Testament of Youth (2014)

based on WW1 memoir by Vera Brittain

young woman (writer & poetry lover) escapes traditional family & goes to study at Oxford University

abandons to become a war nurse

romance, tragedy and war trauma

Cast: Alicia Vikander, Kit Harrington (GoT), Taron Edgerton (Rocketman), Colin Morgan (Merlin)

Little Women (2019)

Writer! Jo & Artist! Amy

Mother/daughter focus and sister dynamics

the March sisters’ theatre club is *chefs kiss*

champagne problems edits of Jo x Laurie are a mood

Ambivalent ending perfectly captures Louisa May Alcott’s dilemma with the book the movie is based on

set in 1860s America

ALL STAR CAST and a Greta Gerwig masterpeice

Lady Bird (2017)

coming of age in early 2002/2003 Sacramento, California

all girls catholic school

writer! Christine aka Lady Bird wants to get outta town and start her life again at college 'in a city with culture'

Mother/daughter dynamics - so realistic!

I live for that Jesus car stunt & the nun's reaction

school theatre program

Cast: Saoirse Ronan, Timothee Chalamet, Beanie Feldstein

Another Greta Gerwig gem

Beguiled (2017)

Virginia, civil war era

Girls school with only five students and two teachers left

Find an injured Union army soldier & bring him inside

Women & teenagers want his attention (v. problematic) before uniting against him

(tbh you'll either love it, hate it, or watch once & forget it)

Sofia Coppola film so its very feminine gaze

TW: violence, death, underage

Legally Blonde (2001)

No questions will be taken

Elle Woods was the blue print

TV series:

House of Anubis (2011-2013)

I know it’s a kids/young teen show but I still unironically love it

ANCIENT EGYPT!!!!

Modern day with Victorian era links to treasure hunters & Egyptian research expeditions (stealing from tombs)

Chosen one plot lines, curses, kidnapping, mysteries, secret tunnels under the school, elixir of life

Teens have investigate & protect themselves cus oh no the TEACHERS are involved in some shady stuff

new American kid at British boarding school is the actual premise not just a fanfic au

Nostalgic, light-hearted, funny, and kinda cheesy but I will accept no criticism

The Alienist (2018 -now)

Mid 1890s, New York

Woman’s private detective agency (Season 2)

Serial killer mystery

Woman secretary turns detective and teams up with a criminal psychiatrist and a newspaper editor to solve crime

TW: violence, child pr*stit*tion

Cast: Dakota Fanning, Luke Evans, Daniel Bruhl

The Queen’s Gambit (2020)

Woman chess prodigy

1950s & 1960s

TW: drug & alcohol abuse

Gentleman Jack (2019 - now)

Based on the diaries of Anne Lister

Victorian Yorkshire, England

Upper-class lesbians

Confident, suit wearing! Anne Lister x shy! Ann Walker

Business woman! Anne running the family mines

Cast: Suranne Jones (Doctor Foster) & Sophie Rundle (Peaky Blinders)

TW: violence

Gilmore Girls (2000-2007)

bubbly/ambitious single mom + intelligent daughter

bookworm! Rory Gilmore gets into a prestigious private school and then an Ivy League college

Small town drama is comedic gold

Fast dialogue packed with pop culture and literary references

Comforting & nostalgic

TEAM JESS

Anne with an E (2017-2019)

Loose adaptation of L.M. Montgomery’s ‘Anne of Green Gables’ books

they completely change the plot lines but it’s still very good content!

Orphan girl with trauma and a love of books/poetry is adopted by an elderly brother & sister duo, bringing light and fresh ideas to a rural community

Feminism, girls writing club, lgbtq safe spaces, girls eduction, black/indigenous representation

Miss Stacy as THAT inspiring teacher

Aunt Josephine’s lavish gay parties have my heart

TW: creepy male teacher tries to marry a student, racial discrimination, indigenous assimilation school

Victoria (2016-2019)

Adaption of Queen Victoria’s life

Victoria navigating her political, royal, and personal life

Albert’s involvement with The Great Exhibition, 1851 (on cultural + industrial innovations)

Alfred Paget x Edward Drummond is exquisite

Gorgeous costumes and aesthetics

TW: bury your gays trope

Derry Girls (2018-now)

1990s Northern Ireland during the troubles

Comedy, episodes 20-25 mins long

English boy sent to an all girls Catholic school with his cousin

✨Dead Poets Society parody episode ✨with a free-spirited female teacher

Sister Michael, the sarcastic nun who hates her job & reads the exorcist for giggles

Wee anxious lesbian! Clare Devlin (plus her friends wearing rainbow pins)

Badass with bad ideas! Michelle Mallon

Main Character! Erin Quinn

Lovable weirdo who would fight a polar bear! Orla McCool

Wee English fella & honorary Derry girl! James Maguire

Dickinson (2019-now)

Loose adaption of the poet Emily Dickinson’s life

Set in 19th century Massachusetts, US

Historical drama with modern dialogue & music that works SEAMLESSLY

gives a great understanding of Emily Dickinson’s poems

💕Vintage gays! Emily x Sue💕

Theatre club, writing, poetry, dressing as men to sneak into lectures, love letters, teen drama, feminism, and an underground abolitionist journal as a brief side plot in season 2

Wiz Khalifa plays death in a horse drawn carriage

TW: opium use

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017-2019)

Based on great childhood books

Bookworm! brother, Inventor! sister, and baby sister with sharp teeth

Mystery, secret organisations, orphaned siblings figuring things out & fending for themselves against the villain after their fortune

Adults either cartoon evil, comedically incompetent, or SPIES

Boarding school, library owner, scientific researcher, and theatre episodes

Ambiguous time period which is really fun to try and pin point

Killing Eve (2018-now)

Classic detective who has homoerotic tension with the assassin she is tracking down

British Detective! Eve Polastri figures out the notorious assassin MI5 are investigating is a woman, is fired & then put on a secret MI6 case with a small team

Assassin! Villanelle, a psychopath with a tragic past and a mastery of both accents & fashion

Woman MI6 boss! Carolyn Martens, head of Russian section

Travel Europe following Villanelle’s killings and escaping the assassins sent by Villanelle’s organisation

‘You’re supposed to be my enemy and moral opposite but omg you’re the only one smart enough to get me and why am I obsessed with you????'

🚨 GO IN FOR A KISS AND THEN STAB YOUR ENEMY 🚨

Cable Girls/Las chicas del cable (2017-2020)

Spanish drama set in 1920s Madrid

Four young women at a telecommunications company form a group of friends and help navigate the difficult situations they are all in

Secret identities, dangerous pasts, murder, crime, lgbtq couple & throuple, trans man character, feminism/suffragists

girls commit crimes for humanitarian reasons and cover! it! up!

UNDERRATED SHOW!!!!

Gorgeous costumes and set

Haven’t finished it yet and I’m catching up

TW: abuse, violence, death

Outlander (2014 - now)

haven’t watched yet but plan to

Woman time travels to Scotland, 1743

Rebel highlanders, pirates, British colonies, American revolutionary war

Time jumps between 18th & 20th century