#i miss the friends that i had even though my current friends are great too
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i donât know why Iâm writing this. but thereâs something on my mind thatâs making me ache.
i donât know how to cope with the fact that i no longer have a spark for snow au. i donât know how to handle it. it was so deeply intertwined with who i was and all my thoughts and emotions, but now⊠i donât feel any of that anymore. itâs not that i donât like it anymore, or that iâm not proud of the work i did, it just feels⊠oddly distant.
maybe itâs because snow au as a concept and a project is so inherently connected to a specific part of my life, a part that iâm just no longer in. Itâs connected to a hope and experience that i just. Donât have anymore. iâve gotten sicker, i had to move back in with my parents, iâve recovered from some of the grief that motivated me. and i just have no desire to keep working on it, because i feel like i failed that part of my life anyway, so now the project that i was so proud of is just a reminder that i fucked it all up and iâm back to square one.
and like, itâs not that deep, right? at the end of the day, itâs a stupid dramatic fanfic about block game roleplay and magic and angst. itâs not that important. but it was so important to me for so long, and no longer having that drive is just. it feels wrong.
and iâm still writing dsmp fic! I still enjoy doing it! itâs still one of my biggest interests! but snow au no longer holds that importance and i donât know to cope with the fact that i might never work on it again and i feel so empty inside about it.
it's been almost 4 years. and i don't know what i'm supposed to do.
#dove talks#been a while since ive been on here#the last few months have been awful#and i just kind of broke down about this this morning#my feelings about snow au are kind of incredibly symbolic how i feel about the last few years and about how its all ended#im sick and im tired and i wish things hadn't had to change#and not to mention. i feel like i lost friends because i stopped working on this#but then i feel selfish for thinking that#and also my interests in what i like to write have gotten. darker i guess#i have an alt account where i write Bad Things#and these things are very healing for me in a way#and i guess because of that. snow au no longer fills that void#but i feel so dramatic saying/thinking that too.#idk. maybe this is just proof of how fucked up my brain is because i think this is so serious and im breaking down over something so stupid#i just miss the person i was when i was able to write that series and have fun#i miss the friends that i had even though my current friends are great too#i keep hoping ill wake up and the last awful year hadnt happened#but thats a childish hope#bad things just happen and the world isnt fair and sometimes everything falls apart#sometimes you lose your spark for something you loved a lot#and sometimes you find something else that gives you that spark but you cant share it with the same people#i don't know
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the last time i felt emotionally fulfilled in a friendship was when i was 15, and before that when i was 13. im turning 21 next month
#my current close friends are really great but my depression gets in the way and it's really hard to tell them about my feelings lol#so i basically make my chronic loneliness worse by distancing myself and isolating etc#they still like me though... weirdly#well probably bc we're all mentally and emotionally unwell! we get one another's issues#but i cant bring myself to say a lot of things i would otherwise want to... since i feel so misunderstood#even when i have tried to talk about things they just dont process them the way im hoping they will#and it's not their fault!!! it's my fault for expecting someone to understand exactly what im saying when i say it#i almost always find words for things. i describe them in detail. and i think thats where things get too unique and too confusing actually#so they cant personally understand#like i said. not their fault!#i just miss this one friend i had briefly in 8th grade#i was getting outcasted from everyone in my own class. she was in the classroom next door#i don't remember how we crossed paths but we did and she was so smart and so understanding#and we just clicked#i remember running in a field with her. she was so.. everything#i miss her#and when i was 15 i remember talking about all of my mental issues with this classmate and we immediately saw each other as mirror images#it was crazy... we also had a lot of interests in common and we looked out for each other#she's doing a lot better nowadays which is why we're no longer in contact probably#it's hard to be friends when one of you is stuck in one place so i dont really blame her#we drifted apart anyway. i bet if i asked she'd still make time for me a few times a year#i just didnt ask because it felt like the mutual understanding we had ended#shes a different person now. and for the better too! i shouldn't interfere in her happiness#z.post
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Makes me so so sad that my first relationship was bad for me even though nothing explicitly bad happened. I see all these things about first loves or firsts in general and how fun it is but all I felt was obsessive, scared, confused, very rarely good. I only had fun when I was drunk (and he always made sure I was safe when I was drunk ofc) but the rest of it-- and even that-- was so tense and fraught, like trying to make unoiled gears turn
#i HATE that i now associate this w him because that was a friend and now i dont trust him in the slightest and i cant think of him too long#without developing all these unsubstantiated worries. i said i want to be friends again at some point but i really dont know if i can do it#i want to because i miss what was there before but like he as a person is now a trigger for me. its odd because we spoke once since the#breakup and it was good for me at least. it felt good. it felt relieving like having that friend back but if his absence inspires so much#worry (not worry for him but worry about him (who is he really? am i safe around him? is he safe around me? I don't feel safe)) then no.#i need so so so much time to even understand what happened and why it feels so bad and i need an ''after'' to play out to get a real#picture of who anybody involved actually is.#i dont trust him at all even though i want to. what sucks too is i have a great intuition around these things so i know intellectually ther#'s likely nothing that off about him but that he as he currently is is just very bad for me as i currently am. and vice versa. but that fee#like world ending panic if i think about it too much. god i cant wait for september to be over. if he brings up trying to be friends again#(which I hope he won't) I'll have to show him this or some other thing I've written during our time apart so he gets just how much time i#need bc in the moment ill be so relieved to be talking again that ill forget this feeling#weâre working on a show tgt about the devil and in those panic moments that triggers me a bit bc ive had sparse and easy to shut down but#still scary moments where i reflect on very very specific instances and think oh yeah the devil possessed him in that moment. and then im#like girl nooooo it fucking didnt what happened was actually [X] but the fact that my mind even goes there is INSANE#not unprecedented unfortunately. but insane. i was telling my mom some of these things and she was like ââthat poor kidââ and i was crying#like ââI KNOW he thought he got someone normal and he got MEââ#its so funny hes sad about the breakup in like a normal way meanwhile im like i dont care about the breakup but i think ive committed some#cardinal sins i think there is evil in the water and i may be exhibiting mild psychotic symptoms that ive been suppressing for many years.#i did really leave bc i was just not into it though#this is all like side effects. honestly issues ive been having for years and years but which were triggered and which id been suppressing#since like may/june#i just was not into it and i wanted to be but i wasnt and i got confused#thisâll be a fun memory that i sort of canât talk about one day
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Busy, Dying. Part 1;
Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader
Summary: In an in-between place called his life, Joel Miller is alone. In search of a cure. In need of a miracle. In want of God.
Can I interest you in a cure for loneliness? She'd asked him in a language without words. Taking it is the easy part. Letting her go is impossible.
-OR-
an a/b/o soulmates AU
Rating: Explicit 18+
Content Warnings: No Outbreak AU, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Soulmates AU, Infidelity, Cheating, HEA!!!!!, Angst, Fluff & Smut, Mating Bites, Knotting, Heat Sex, Breeding Kink, Group Therapy, Social Experiments, Basically puppy training for unsocialized Alphas, And by God that man will be house trained by the time sheâs done with him!, Complicated family dynamics, Discussions of self harm, Depression, Existential Angst, Author returns not with a whimper but with a KNOT, I wrote this in a very unserious state of mind bewareÂ
A/N: Gray November, I've been down since July - but we're so back, baby. Iâve missed this so bad. Iâve missed you all, I wonât drone on and on. I hope you enjoy, and please talk to me in the comments. Update me on what Iâve missed, let me know how youâve been and whatâs happening in your life.
A great heartfelt thank you to all of my wonderful friends who so supportively cheered me on while I struggled to write this. Sincerely the best people I know.Â
Love you all madly.
Word Count: 6.5K
Read on AO3
Part 1;
The old linoleum tiles are the most peculiar shade of puce, and Joel has realized that there is someone sitting at the back of the room who smells⊠strange.Â
More brown than purpleâan ugly color. Thereâs something about it that fascinates him.
The woman that is currently speaking tells of her husband; itâs the only tale she has to tell. Sheâs been doing it for weeks, and they all know it well by now. Older, omega, the woman, and at the latter and less comely stage of life. Most of them here can say the same. They usually give their names, those that get up to shareâalthough itâs never a requirement when you attend, it is highly encouragedâthe sharing, he meansâbut he never pays much mind to themâthe names, that is. Thatâs not what heâs here for after allâto make friends. Although, he does see how thatâd be the initial assumption.Â
Joel Miller is here for something more specific.
Six weeks heâs been showing up to these things now, and heâs yet to take a turn. He tells himself heâs working up to it.Â
What that specific thing isâŠhe hasnât quite figured out. Heâs listening for it, though, and intently, even if he does skip over the names. Itâs the details of what theyâre telling that matter to him. The hows and intricate whys of what it is that brought them here today. Â
Her youth had been spent on a drunk, the woman is sayingâher husbandâand heâd been cruel to her in those days when there was still currency to spend in the form of her vitality. Joel nods at the puceâyes, he thinks, thatâs usually the way of it. But later, thereâs more to the story she reminds her audience, he drank himself into a fit, and had never been right since. The cruelty had been taken away from the marriage after that, and sheâd been put in charge.Â
âBut I wonder,â she says, ïżœïżœïżœIf sometimes I donât miss it, the way heâd been,â âif the reason she was here now, with all of the rest of them that were just like her in their own unique ways, was that sheâd been left lonely after her cruel husband had been exchanged for a sick one.Â
Joel nods again and wonders what sort of face the woman wears as she confesses but doesnât bother to check. No matter, he knows theyâre the same. If not in designation, then in heart.Â
Itâs easy, that thing, he does it too, to wish for the bad. To want to hold on to it, the thing that hurts. Addictive, even, in some cases. Missing it is easy.Â
Itâs why heâs here.Â
And itâs what they promise you. In their flyers and pamphlets, when they stand on the corners of streets talking people up wearing that look in their eye and that slouch in their step, when they smell it on youâor in the lack there ofâa mate or a purpose.
Welcome to our meeting. Weâre here to find the cure for loneliness.Â
Thatâs what they promise you when you come here.Â
Itâd been that word: loneliness, actually, that had caught him. L-O-N-E-liness. There was something attractive about it to him. Not a label but a state.Â
You see, it was like this: Joel had seen a therapist once, several years ago, against his will and at the behest of another, whoâd said all the wrong things in all the wrong ways.Â
âYou sound depressed, Joel,â the therapist had told him.Â
Heâd worn horn rimmed glasses and had a shiny bald head he could see the reflection of the overhead lights in. And worseâthe non-scent of a beta which told him theyâd never understand each other in the ways Joel longed to be understood. Heâdânot hated him, necessarilyâbut felt an immense apathy for the man; more so than the regular apathy he felt for most things in his life.Â
âI donât know what that means.âÂ
âVery, very sad,â was the official diagnosis.
Joel hadnât liked the sound of the word. The label. He did not like that a word so succinct could be ascribed to him and all that had happened to him in his life. There was no word for it. It just was.Â
But there was something different about a state of aloneness, which if attributed to himself, he could accept. He had been left alone, in ways. It was a tangible thing he could look around a room inside of himself and recognize.Â
Theyâre meetings, is what this place isâencounter groups this coalition offers where lonely demi humans can come to congregate, discuss their aloneness, what had led them to such a state; their lack of attachments, connections, matesâalpha, omega. Held in the basement of the Emmanuel Episcopal Church on Newbury street, right between his shop and house, although they never talk about religion which he likes because he doesnât believe in religion.Â
God is still under review.Â
He wonders if the Catholics wouldnât have them.Â
Sitting forward in his seat, the metal folding chair that always leaves his back aching something fierce, he presses his elbows into his knees to distract with alternative pressure. Focusing on his fingers woven together between his spread legs, he tries to pay attention to the man whoâs stood up to speak now. Older than himself, late sixties, no children, no family, no nothinâ; heâd run them all off.Â
But Joel is distracted.Â
The smell is stronger now. Stranger too. Something full bodied, but metallic like rust, astringent bleach, built in a way that forces saliva to pool heavy between his suddenly aching gums. A mask that sits atop something of a much different chemical architectureâthatâs the strange part.Â
Orâno. The back of his neck itches, and Joel lifts a palm to cup his nape, quell the sting, feel the tender mark. No. The strange part is not the illusion of the smell. What it is, actually, is that heâs fairly certain what heâs smelling is someone else's blockers. Something which heâs positive heâs never consciously noticed on another person in the thirty plus years since heâd presented as an alpha.Â
He has, suddenly, the quite intense urge to peek over his shoulder, certain that heâll be caught smelling things he has no business smelling. That there will be someone just there, breathing down the nape of his neck with accusation on their tongueâboo!
Silly. But heâd known today would not be a good day.Â
Itâd started off wrong. The milk had gone sour overnight, the check engine light had come on in his truck, all his socks were suddenly mismatched with not a single pair to be found, and his usual route to work had been waylaid by some freak accident. A tree split in half, one side into a house, the other into the road. Not a sign of lightning in the sky all night long.Â
Perhaps he might be compelled to believe in God after all.Â
Joel does not like it when things are out of order or out of the ordinary. His life was organized in a way that never caused him strife or excess. And it was not that he was stuck in his ways, only that he enjoyed his routine and disliked when things were not as they should be. And thisâwhatever it is heâs smelling, whoeverâis not as it should be.Â
The older gentleman, an Alpha too, is still speaking. He had a daughter, has, who no longer speaks to him. Wonât even take his money. Heâd had a long career in government thatâd filled him with greed and paranoia and a radical view of life that refused to align with the way young people saw the world now. Perhaps heâd tried to change at certain times, but he was old and set in his ways. Or maybe he hadnât wanted to change as badly as he should have when he still had the chance to. Happily stuck in the past. His wife had died, and his daughter had gone away from him. Too tired of his mediocrity as a father to give him another chance.Â
The man sounds like he feels sorry for himself. Like he thinks himself the victim, and this one, Joel does look up at. He looks old and worn down, heavy beer pouch and thinning hair and sagging jowls. A sad and lonely man. Joel wonders if thatâs how he looks to the other people in this room, as well.Â
âNo man knows how bad he is until he has tried very hard to be good.â Joel blinks, looks at him more closely, tries very hard to find similarities between themselves. But noânot quite right, not the thing heâs looking for. Their plight is different. This man is not alone, heâs got his weakness to keep him company.Â
The one thing Joel had fought like hell to keep out of his repertoire of issues. Heâd run from even the possibility of it as soon as she was dead, left Texas straight for the Northeast and from thereafter, everything heâd done, heâd done with a staunchness of character. If at the end of it, that staunchness was made up of apathy or numbness or dissociative fury, well, then at least he wasnât still that man whoâd been too weak to save his daughter.Â
That counted very much in Joelâs book.Â
An overabundance of cold numbness, little anger, everything a static hazeâan abstinent winter. That was his whole life. But then, look at him now, he was here, wasnât he? Heâd taken that brochure handed to him on that last warm Tuesday weeks ago as heâd headed back to the shop from lunch.Â
Hello, sir. Could I interest you in a cure for loneliness? The young omega had said.Â
Itâd started like anythingâan experiment or a desperate ploy. The monotony had been steady going the past few years, getting older, colder. Heâd grown hard and solitary around his wound, loneliness spread like a fungus, and heâd longed for any sort of change.Â
âA cureâŠhow?â The terrible shrink had come to mind.
âOh, nothing to fret over.â The young man had a nice smile, Joel remembers. Kind and straight toothed. Honest in the way that a stranger knocking on your door to sell you a Bible seems honest. âWe call it an encounter group. People come, share, tell the tales of their designation and their lives. In the end, the result is different for different people. Some move on to a second step if they need more. Others find what theyâre looking for just through the connection of sharing. But no matter the result, youâll see, youâll be cured. Promise.â Heâd winked, smile deepening, giving him an appreciative once over at the end of his spiel. Joel had blinked back, surprised, confused, but curiosity peaked enough heâd obsessed over it for three short days before heâd found himself stepping into the molted incense smell of the belly of a church so dimly lit he was sure not even God peaked in this sad space any longer.
âItâs that easy?â Joel had asked, childlike in his throat-strangled hope.
âThat easy.â
It seemed the smile had been honest enough to sell him the Bible.Â
The scent insists upon itself as the older gentleman finishes up, and Joelâs nose tickles with whatever it is itâs whispering at him. He wants to get up and walk out, run away, but suddenly his gut is tight and hot, and he isnât sure he can actually stand up without disgracing himself in front of all these people. A wash of agonized heat moves through him, confused at whatâs suddenly happening to his body.Â
âWe have a newcomer today sharing for the first time,â Maria, the woman who leads the group, says at the front of the room. âEveryone give her a warm welcome, itâs her first day and already sheâs brave enough to jump on up here.â
Thereâs the shuffling of bodies in their seats, a cleared throat, the man sitting behind Joel breathes so loudly he thinks heâs gotta have some sort of medical condition, the puce turns more hideous by the second, and his own heart is beating so hard in his ears the rush of blood is dizzying. He feels each thump of the thing against his breast bone in some sick imitation of a fist begging to be let out.Â
The new voice begins as nothing but a murmur.Â
An introductionâhe misses the name. His breathing goes shallow, heâd tip over in his seat if he didnât have both boots planted firmly against the puce. The voice gains strength and with it, Joel wishes heâd been paying attention from the start. He didnât get to hear her name.Â
Itâs a girl.
Sheâd run away from home in the spring of her sixteenth year to join the opera, she tells them. Had come upon the city in roaring spring and thought the rest of her life would be exactly like that, pure novelty in bloom, nothing like what sheâd left behind. And was deeply disappointed when the reality was nothing such.Â
And Joel hears it, that disappointment in her voice at what sheâd not been able to find after searching for it so religiously. This is what makes him look up at her. This, unlike all the others, he thinks he can relate toâjust by the sound of her voice. The search for a thing lost which can never again be found. The fruitlessness of it all.Â
At that first vulnerable, terrified glance, sheâs already staring at him, eyes catching like hooks.Â
He blinks once, twiceâcolorâis sure he can hear the movement of his eyelashes passing through the air, the stick of his lids meetingâcolorâbright. This is it.
That wash of heat turns into a blaze, every single bead of sweat blooming on his brow is a tell evaporating into the ether. This is what heâd sensed from the start of the evening. Maybe even from the moment heâd seen that split maple.Â
âMy mother always said I needed to be stronger, bolder, not so sensitive.â She looks away from him now. âI grew up in an angry house where you had to fight tooth and nail not to be overrun. Because of this, I left it at a very young age, and it was the greatest fight I could muster, abandoning that house of anger. I found myself something to bring me what I thought would be joy, a job and a city, and for a time, it was enough. But starting your lonely life so youngâŠitâs hard.â After a pause of breath, âItâs been hard.â
âAnd itâs made me never want to have toâexert myself,â she says, searching for the right words, smiling when she finds them, and Joel has the urgency to smile back. âNow, I never want to have to be strong. I never want to have to try. I want to only be the way that I am. If thatâs weak or sensitive or whatever it might be at any given moment, I donât care. I donât want to have to fight. I never want to be in an angry house again. I want someone whoâll see this in me and understand and never make me work for it, that they would give it to me willingly, easily, without me having to ask. Do you understand?â She looks about the room, and he hopes her eyes will land on him again, and even though they donât, he feels sheâs speaking directly to him. He nods, the hook of her temptation cast beneath his chin. âThis is a fantasy. And it makes for a lonely existence. This idea of how I need it to be for it to be rightâlove.â She looks down at her hands folded atop the podium where they go to stand at the front of the group and share, and he wills her gaze to find him amidst the crowd again. âItâs so difficult. And this might seem very bad to you, weak willed, but itâs not. Itâs only very honest. Which can never be a bad way to be.â Thatâs why sheâs here, she tells them.
Finally, she looks back at him, and itâs that loneliness of two people amidst a crowd, facing one another, knowing themselves mirrored against the other and yet still disparate. Thereâs something indecent about the way she looks at him in front of all these people, the way he, in turn, looks back. A little bit like finding your own face on a stranger's body in a crowded room. Color rises to his face, and she gives him that same elusive smile from before.Â
Heâs the one to look away this time.Â
As the crowd disperses for coffee and pastries after the last of the speakers, he searches for her. He needs to ask her name, feels as if heâs some blighted creature without it, swears heâll never forgo attention during a meeting again if he can fish it out of her.
He finds her at the dessert table, Maria at her side and a hand at her shoulder. Something of a thank you is being imparted between the two women. The girl is saying sheâs grateful for the welcome, grateful that theyâd found each other.Â
Joel has things to be grateful to Maria for, too. His brother, mainly. Itâd been pure chance that Joel had met her here, that she knew Tommy also. Sheâd met his brother on a summer trek to Wyoming where theyâd become friends and had kept in touch afterwards. The woman has a thing about her that ingratiates people by sheer force of will. Perhaps itâs that sheâs an alpha, too. Perhaps itâs just the charisma and wide smile. The fact that she has a countenance that takes no shit from anyone, that makes demands of a person whether theyâve got any give or not. But whatever the case, theyâd realize their connection through Tommy, and she kept Joel updated on his brother whom heâd not spoken with in many years.Â
Watching the two women stand together and share that easy thanks that Joel so urgently owes, and yet which he cannot voice, he feels, suddenly, so angry. So awkward. So humiliatingly inexperienced. So unable to grapple with the pain of human contact, the fascination of it, the humiliating necessity.Â
That decade old anchor weighing him in place and the guilt of even thinking of it as such.Â
I feel decrepitly alone and odd, he thinks. And how strange, no? He was a normal man. He has a normal job. He lives in a normal house. Unexceptional in every sense. Everything in his life had been ordinary up until that one great tragedy. And then, as if none of the before had ever existed, it was as if everything afterwards was one great landslide of wrongness. The filth of it slinging mud all over his life so that nothing had ever been right after her.Â
So that now he cannot even approach this girl whose name he needs to know, and Maria, to whom he owes the last surviving connection to his brother.Â
As Maria turns to go, she gives him an encouraging nod, sending him into an agony of shyness. Sheâd sensed him hovering.Â
The girl remains at the dessert table, perusing the pastries. He can see her fingertips dancing over the golden, sugared confections, before she settles on a plain, glazed donut. He watches the bend of her elbow, bringing it to her mouth and thirty seconds later, the empty hand reaching for a napkin. He canât help the huff of laughter it draws from him.Â
Watching the unknown creature with her back turned, he peers down the length of himself. Wood stain marred t-shirt, old work jeans and scuffed boots, heâd come straight from the shop. Looking back at her, she seems perfectly packaged and pristine. The two of them, different as chalk and cheese. He tells himself he shouldnât do it, turn around and go, leave her alone, as he steps up beside her at the table.Â
Immediately, thereâs the heat of her skin, the smell of her shampoo, and he realizes, and itâs silly because it shouldâve been obvious from the get go, sheâs an omega. The epiphany, not that she is one, but that heâd been too stupid and oblivious to notice, leaves him feeling vulnerable and angry.Â
Any sort of hello thatâd been coming alive on his tongue immediately dies. And heâs about to make a run for it once again when she speaks up from beside him, âWould you like a donut?â Her small fingers are dancing over the pastries, searching once again. âI havenât had one yet,â she lies, âI canât decide which looks best.âÂ
The dancing hand pauses over a golden brown puff pastry, seemingly coming to a decision, when she turns to look up at him. The scent of her isnât just shampoo, not just the blockers heâd shockingly picked up on before, sharp, burning his nose. Itâs her skin now, too. The dry sweat from hustling under her coat to make it to her first meeting on time salted along her limbs. Hot, sweet almonds. The shocking vermillion of the morningâs split maple comes to mind. He can smell her.
âA puff pastry?â She presses, quizzical crook to her brow at his silence and glower. âI think you really need something sweet. Itâll make you feel better.â
He wants to agree, to say he also thinks he needs something sweet. All he can manage is a short grunt because she smellsâŠindescribable. Honeyed musk, something heady, like she herself had just got done baking, straight out of the oven and full of sugar into his waiting mouth.Â
That earlier anger, it kicks up a notch. Why isnât he fucking saying anything?Â
She shrugs, as she lifts the puff pastry to her mouth he finally manages sound.Â
âYou stink.â
He doesnât know when he became such a liar.
A pause, mouth open, straight, white teeth ready to bite into the fluffy sweet bread. He can see her small, pink tongue, and it makes him go a little woozy.
He might be losing his mind.Â
Sheâs got elegant eyebrows that shoot straight up her smooth forehead. The look of her skin is glorious. âExcuse me?â
Now, there seem to be too many words spilling out of his mouth. âYou need better meds or somethinâ. Need to sort your shit out. Canât go gallivanting about the world smellinâ like that.â Oh god, shut up.Â
âExcuse me!â She takes a huge bite of the pastry. âI do not gallivant,â she shoots back, mouth full of sugar and Joel goes hot everywhere. âWhat is wrong with you?â she demands, the pursing of a prim little mouth as she chews, eyeing him maliciously.Â
He hasnât the damndest clue.Â
She is not wary of him in the slightest, which in turn tells him he needs to be wary of her.
Another large bite, inexplicably she extends her free hand towards himâpotentially going into shock and entirely out of his depth when he takes it, the vulnerability of tendon and muscle soft beneath his strengthâoffering him a firm shake. She gives him her name.Â
In that moment, she has a look about her that tells him sheâll bite back if he isnât careful, even if she hurts herself in the process.Â
And now he knows you.Â
-
âWe might as well acquaint ourselves if youâre going to insult me. Donât you think?â Peering up at him, heâs tall, well over six feet, and broad shouldered. Older, distinguished, but in a rough way, hewn oak, gray. âAre you typically this rude? Or is this a special occasion?â
Incredibly handsome.Â
âIâm being serious.â
âI do not stink. No one has ever said that to me, and my blockers are quality. It must be a you problem.â The puff pastry really is very good. And this man really is very handsome. Coming here today was a good idea.Â
One of the girls from the theater had suggested it, handing you a pamphlet with Looking for the Cure for Loneliness? emblazoned across the top, and even though sheâd done it kindly, any other person wouldâve taken the implication as an insult. Hey girl! No offense, but we all in the company think youâre super weird and have you heard about this support group for losers? Kind of like Omegas Anonymous!
Those hadnât been her exact words, and you hadnât taken offense. After the initial agony of embarrassment, youâd warmed to the idea. Youâd heard of groups like these before. Congregations of demi humans where one could come to find community or connection. Be it socializing or support for people struggling with their designations and all that they implied, they served their purpose. And anyways, you werenât in a position to be nitpicky.Â
Itâs true, youâre alone.Â
So alone, in fact, that even the people around you could tell. Strangers, coworkers, your roommate and her girlfriend. Like some noxious cloud of loneliness following you around virtue signaling the desperate need for love and companionship and understanding youâre so in need of.Â
You increasingly saw yourself as a dancer on her toes, trembling delicately all over, vying desperately to survive to the end of the song. A monster with too many heads. A Cerberus of the richest caliber.Â
Two or three wouldâve been acceptableâheadsâbut you'd long surpassed that and moved on to something unrecognizable and unpleasant. Desperately in need of a solution.Â
âMaybe youâre the one that stinks. Maybe itâs your upper lip.â And voila, the monster makes her debut.Â
âMyââ The rude alpha, obvious, that one, lets out a choked sound, a deeper wash of color immediately flooding his cheeks. You dip your head sideways, appraising him as you polish off your second pastry. He has pretty bone structure, masculine, and after heâs done choking and spluttering, he canât help but laugh a little bit. You see it.Â
Beneath a mouth that looks forbidding, perhaps even a little cruel, you can sense that he is not an unkind man.Â
Yet youâre not so green that you canât recognize the gnawing hunger of loneliness in others. Thereâs always a reason people find themselves in places like these. His face, edged with the weariness of age, makes this obvious. He has good reason for subjecting himself to this.Â
Reaching for the lovely eclair youâd been deciding between earlier, you take a large bite of it. Almond cream and a thick layer of icing on top, humming happily as you chew while he stares at you like the three headed dog.Â
You hold the dessert out towards him, offering. Palm up, he shakes his head no, slightly disgusted look on his face.Â
âSo. You come here often?â
He blinks. âReally?â Patronizing look on his face now.Â
âWhy not? I am actually interested to know if this is worth my time.â
He rolls his eyes. Oh, heâs fun. âYes, I come here often. Every Friday, for the past two months just about.â
âAnd you like it?â
âIs this the sort of place one likes?â
âOh, come on. You never know what you might find.â He watches your mouth as you finish the eclair, swallowing hard. âAnyways, I think the world is kind of over out there. Donât you? Might as well make the best of it in here.âÂ
Thumb pressed against the edge of the table, he looks down, suddenly awash with shyness once again. A shy alpha, whoâd of thought.Â
âWhat did you used to do?â He asks, motioning at the crowded room full of chatting alphas and omegas. You wonder how many of them will go home together for a fuck after this.Â
âWhen?â You ask, sure he means in lieu of this group, if youâd ever had another form of demi human community.Â
âBefore this.â
âBefore this? Nothing.â Smiling at him, certain he isnât picking up on your teasing.Â
âNothing?â
âNope. Iâve always been here.â
âButâ Donât youâŠI thought...â Heâs cute, shaking his head like youâre just too confusing to sustain. âYou sing, right?â He pivots.Â
âSing? Me? Whatever made you think such a thing?â The sly look on your face goes completely over his head and slides to the rest of the sweets. If he wasnât watching, youâd have another.Â
âYou said. You said youâre in the opera,â he gruffs back, looking visibly aggravated now.Â
Such fun.Â
âIâm a supernumerary,â you concede as you turn, making your way to an old relic of a pew along the far wall, tragically abandoning the desserts.Â
He follows as you go, sitting a respectful distance beside you.Â
âI donât know what that is.â
âWeâre the actors that fill the stage at the opera.â
âNo singing?â
You shake your head, flirting with him. âIâm a wench, Iâm a courtesan,â You bat your lashes, fingertips pressed coquettishly beneath your chin, âPart of a harem. Iâm every woman youâve never known. It depends on the opera.â
âIâve never heard of that before.â
âI started as a stagehand when I first got to Boston. Worked my way up.â
âHowâs it work? Lines or somethinâ?â
âNo lines. No anything. Iâm a background actorâan extra, basically. If anything, Iâm given some simple choreography direction, laugh, sigh, show fear, horror, shock. Whatever. Iâm playing pretend without actually having to do anything.â
âNo working for it.â
Your smile melts to blandness. So heâd been listening, then.Â
âDid you want to sing?â
âNo. I wanted to be a supernumerary.â
âStrange. Iâve never heard of that,â he repeats.
âYou did say, yes.â Now, the smile turns auspicious. Everyoneâs here for something. âWhat do you do?â Perhaps this is it for him.Â
You eye the rest of the congregation, at the far exit, thereâs a large alpha helping an omega into his coat.Â
âGot a shop, furniture, woodworking and such.â
âYou make things?â He nods. âAh, a man of creation.âÂ
Sitting back to take him in, heâs got the beginning insinuations of silver speckling the dark hair at his temples, a well groomed beard, and large, intimidating hands.Â
His small huff of laughter is bashful, tinged with something disappointed. âNo, nothinâ that grand.â And heâs got an accent heavy at the ends of his words, not Bostonian. Southern.
âBut you know, I wanted to sayâŠâ
âYes?â You press when he loses his courage, leaning towards him, inhaling deeply.Â
âWell, that I know what you meant earlier. Sometimes I can be the angry house.â
You blink once. Sit back. âI see.âÂ
âItâs hard work. I have to try every day at it.âÂ
Hard work being the house, or not? Two opposite sides of the same coin.Â
âHow do you stop yourself?â You cast a line, fishing for his character.
âDonât know. Keep myself cold, I think.â
âThatâs no way to be.â
âNo. Itâs not.â He sounds amused. You want to bite him.
Everyoneâs here for a reason.Â
âAh, well. Perhaps thatâs whatâs brought you here then,â you say, twisting the toe of your sneaker against a scuff on the old hardwood, leaning forward on your palms wrapped around the edge of the pew.Â
âMaybe,â he says, but a sort of pained, exasperated sound follows it. Your hung head turns to peer at the handsome face, and heâs already looking at you.Â
Thereâs something animal afoot. Perhaps in terms of designation, sure, of course, like the rest of the alphas and omegas here. Your designations weigh heavily in the air. But also intrinsic to your two personalities. You feel you know him. That the two of you might have the same sorts of problems, desires. And as you stare at him, you think you may be equally measuring each otherâs character, finding that similarity in one another.Â
His eyes move quickly between yours, over your face, and you can tell that prolonged eye contact isnât his norm.
He has the most surprising set of bright hazel eyes like river stones.Â
Suddenly, you feel desperate to pull out a flicker of sexuality in the man, hear it in his voice. Sure, that with him, the experience would be entirely different, exhilarating. Perhaps a challenge. He seems to be more quiet and more patient than any other man youâd ever come across, but also more sternâtaking in that soft mouth held so firmly. Far more remote too, by the far away look in his gaze. You want to see how he could be moved and what the sight of it would look like.Â
âMaybe not,â he finally continues. âIâm looking for something, I think.âÂ
âSomething like what?â
âSomeone like me.â
âAn alpha?â
âNo,â he looks away, cringing. The word out loud seems a shock to him. âDid you listen to the woman at the startâmissing the bad thing? I struggleâŠwith that. Holding on, not letting go even when I know I should.â
Youâre at an age now which sometimes makes it hard to realize or accept that what youâre living is your life. That itâs been time to grow up. That you have to remember to move forward when itâs your turn in line.Â
Which is to say, that you understand himâthe difficulties of knowing when to hold on and when to give up.
âSometimes you hurt yourself because you donât have anything else to do. Sometimes, because the alternative is much worse.â
âHolding on âcause thereâs nothing else to do?â
âSure. Or youâre used to it.â Youâll be gentle with him, you decide. Heâs in need of gentle handling despite the stern face; not a puzzle so arbitrarily solved. And those eyes are still so bright, he doesnât seem like he needs any more hardship.
âDonât know why Iâm tellinâ you this,â he says, accent heavy.Â
âWell you did come here for a reason. Didnât you?â Discreetly, you slide closer to his side, but he doesnât notice. Apparently lost in the realization that perhaps this was what heâd come here for, to talk to someone, to have someone listen and relate. Youâre almost positive heâs never gotten up to share with the group before in all his time coming to the meetings; doesnât look like the type.
âI came here because Iâm going to take better care of myself,â you tell him. âIâm going to try harder.â
âHarder at what?â He blinks as if attempting to come out of a dream.
âEverything. I donât want to end up like my parents; drunk, angry, alone. Iâm scared of it. Iâve avoided at least two of them.â
âIâm afraid of getting older,â the dream moves in his eyes. âThat Iâll forget,â he says, but you donât ask what.
All of a sudden, he seems very real. The swells of grief and loneliness moving through him so similarly, so close to the surface.Â
Springing up, you turn to face him and he follows to stand too. You can hear the crack of his knees unfolding, and when he lifts his left palm to stifle a gruff cough, the band of gold around his finger is paralyzing.Â
All of a sudden, heâd seemed like what youâd been looking for here too. Thereâs laughter coming from the church rafters.Â
âYouâre a widower?â He wants to forget, heâd said he wants to let go.Â
Hadnât he?
But instead, âWhat? No.â You stare pointedly at the ring, and he looks down at it also. âNo,â he repeats.Â
âSoâre you looking for a fuck, or what?â You try and hold back the bite it comes with, but you canât.
âNo. No. Thatâs not what Iâm looking for.âÂ
You donât understand, impaired by your youth, you forget youâd chosen to be gentle with him. âMaybe itâs what you need,â you tell him, turning towards the exit before you can watch him cringe.
He follows at your heels, grabbing his coat from the hook by the doors before heâs stepping out after you into the fall blister. Itâs cold and wet and glorious out.Â
âDonât you have a coat?â He demands.
âNope.â You start walking towards Arlington Street and the park.Â
âDid you walk here? Itâs freezing out.â
âI did,â you turn back towards him, still moving, and he starts to follow.Â
âFrom where?â
âDowntown.â
âWhere?â He scowls at your uncooperation, the married man. Alpha. The truth was that heâd smelt strange to you too. Like no one ever had before. As glorious and shocking as the cold. Like if snow had a scent. Disappointment churns in your gut alongside the excitement at the sight of him stalking after you.Â
âI donât think you know it.â Your backward walk is interrupted as a hurrying stranger bumps into you, sending you staggering. Watch it, the Boston snark spits. The alpha turns to scowl, heavy boot forward like heâs half a mind to follow after the person youâve just inadvertently assaulted.Â
And it occurs to you, âYou didnât tell me your name.â How silly of you. Youâd been so distracted youâd forgotten to ask, and what if you never see him again after this? What if you canât muster the courage to come back again next week? What if he canât?
âItâs Joel.âÂ
You think it sounds right.Â
âI mightâknow it.â Where youâre headed to. You smile at the dog with a bone. The disappointment pulses. âIs it far?â He presses. You shrug, looking over your shoulder. Youâre going to lose yourself in the garden for a few hours, forget about him. âWhy donât you drive?â
âI like to walk,â you tell him, turning back.Â
He looks at you like he doesnât like the things you say much less the way you say them much less the way youâre grinning at him. Perhaps he can see the disappointment and is disturbed by the sight of it, but the possibility seems too altruistic.Â
âYou should try it sometime, Joel. You might like it too.â
His huge body seems to be shivering in the cold.Â
âI thinkâŠâ The look on his face has turned suspicious now. He takes a step towards you. âYouâre very strange. And youâre very young. I donât think we should be friends.â
Your heart gives a demanding thump. âWeâre not going to be friends.â When youâd first spotted him in the crowd, the strangest feeling had come over you. A tug behind your belly button, a scalding heat at the back of your neck, at your wrists. Perhaps itâs merely imagination, the look of disappointment you think you see on his face right before you turn away from him to continue on walking. âAnd Iâm not that young anymore.â
Youâd known today was going to be a good day. Extra cinnamon in your latte, a late start to your morning, warm in bed, no rain in the sky despite the cloud cover. And your director, late for rehearsals after some freak accident had befallen the roof of his house.
âThatâs what all young people say.â
Part 2;
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I mean?
Synopsis: On a press tour with your co-star Sebastian Stan, the interviewer asks you a question about another film he did and the answer surprises him.
Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Actress!Y/N
Word Count: IDK I'm too sleep deprived to count.
A/N: Bro I am on a resurgence. Might just fuck around and continue writing more fanfics or whatever.
Itâs another busy day promoting your new movie with Sebastian, The Road Trip. It's a funny romcom about two best friends going on a long trip to see another friend who your character is dating. Interestingly enough, the guy who plays him is Chris Evans. The interviews are currently being done in pairs, and you're with Sebastian.
You've always been candid, speaking your mind without feeling shy. Deep down, you're a bit of a pessimist, accepting things as they are. When you first heard from your agent that you were cast in The Road Trip alongside Sebastian Stan and Chris Evans, you laughed hysterically. The idea that you, an unconventional beauty, were chosen to be on screen with those two seemed surreal. You never really think about dating co-stars, which helps with acting in general. The media is impressed with how chill you are around A-list actors, and even though it hasnât fully sunk in yet, the industry has started promoting you to that list.
The interview has been going on for about 15 minutes when another journalist joins, mostly asking about the experience of working with the cast.
âItâs my first romcom, can you believe it?â you say.
âFirst?!â Sebastian stares in mock disbelief.
âI know, right?!â You feign surprise.
The interviewer continues, âHow does it feel to do something lighter and a bit comedic for once?â
âYou mean, a movie where no one dies?â Sebastian covers his mouth at your response.
âI mean essentially,â the interviewer laughs. âWait, no one dies?!â They nudge you playfully.
âI mean, Iâm not sure, no spoilers,â you say, breaking the fourth wall and looking into the camera. Sebastian cackles. âItâs definitely refreshing. It feels like going to school for some reason. Like I donât want to miss a class just because I might miss something wild happening.â
âWhat?â Sebastian glares. âWhat school did you go to?â
âI mean, aside from the learning stuffâŠâ You grimace. âItâs fun, honestly. Iâd love to do more romcoms. Itâs very down-to-earth and just resonates with you so much. I donât wanna get too cheesy, but Iâm such a hopeless romanticâthis is my jam.â
âSebastian, howâs your experience working with Chris again, this time outside of the Marvel universe?â
âWait, this isnât in the Marvel Universe?!â you butt in. Sebastian again, fakes a loud gasp. You two laugh. This interview feels like itâs going nowhere.
âItâs totally fun, as Y/N mentionedâit really is like going to class. But most of my scenes are with Y/N, so sheâs like the lab partner Iâve never had. Chris was always texting us, checking which location weâre going to be at, making sure weâre scheduled on the same day. Itâs fun when weâre both on set.â
You nod in agreement. âYeah, weâve got a good rhythm going. Itâs like having a little family on set. Plus, Chris is always the one who brings snacks, so thatâs a bonus.â
Sebastian laughs. âOh, absolutely. Chris and his endless supply of trail mix.â
The interviewer chuckles. âSounds like you all have a great dynamic. Was there a favorite scene you both enjoyed filming together?â
You think for a moment. âI really loved the scene where weâre stuck in the car during that rainstorm. It was so chaotic, but we had a blast improvising and just playing off each other.â
Sebastian nods. âYeah, that was a good one. The rain machine was going full blast, and we were just trying not to crack up the entire time.â
The interviewer smiles. âIt sounds like it was a lot of fun. And the chemistry definitely shows on screen. Speaking of different roles, Y/N, Sebastianâs been in the movie Fresh where he plays a sociopathic killer who preys on lonely women pretending to be a genuine guy.â
âI donât like where this is going,â you say, laughing, as Sebastian shakes his head.
âWould you, like Noa, fall prey to Steveâs antics?â This question gets a louder laugh from Sebastian as your face shows pure shock. You hold him back with your hand and say,
âIâve thought about this, to be honest,â you start, looking at Sebastian as he raises his eyebrows, impressed.
âOh, you have?â
You laugh and continue, patting his thigh and looking back at the interviewer. âMe and my friend talked about it a while back. And itâs frightening because I wouldâve probably ended up on a chopping block.â
âNoooo!â Sebastian shouts, âI was rooting for you.â
âNo! But, like, you are incredibly good-looking and charismatic. It would be hard not to give my number at the grocery aisle.â
He tilts his head at your response. âSurely not good enough to get yourself killed?!â
âYouâd be surprised how far Iâd even go,â you say, as the interviewer laughs with you both. âOh god, I need to call my therapist,â you add, ending the topic with the three of you gagging.
âMight just have to talk to mine too, after hearing that.â
You can already feel TikTok saving this clip and turning it into a meme.
You notice, after you call Sebastian good-looking, heâs been eyeing you sideways and biting his lip. As if heâs suddenly gone bashful. You canât help but feel a boost in your ego. Could it be that Stan is shy? You make it a point to tease him for the remainder of the interview.
âWhatâs something funny or unexpected that happened on set?â
âOh, there were so many moments,â you start. âOne time, we were filming this really serious scene, and out of nowhere, a bird flew into the set and landed right on Sebastianâs shoulder.â
Sebastian laughs. âYeah, I had no idea what to do. I just froze, and then Y/N started making bird noises to try and get it to fly away.â
You laugh, nodding. âIt took a good ten minutes to get back into character after that. Everyone was cracking up.â
The interviewer grins. âThat sounds hilarious. Itâs great to hear that you all had such a good time. Speaking of moments on set, were there any funny or awkward moments while filming the more romantic or intimate scenes?â
Sebastian raises an eyebrow, smirking. âOh, plenty. Like the time we were shooting that kiss scene in the rain, and Y/N kept slipping on the wet pavement.â
You roll your eyes playfully. âHey, it was slippery! You were the one who canât stop laughing during takes.â
Sebastian laughs. âTrue, true. But come on, we both know it was because you were so nervous about kissing me.â You notice him biting back.
You gasp in mock offense. âExcuse me, I was not nervous! I was just...distracted by how ridiculously good-looking you are. Itâs hard to concentrate when you have that face right in front of you.â He smiles uncontrollably again, feeling defeated by your nonchalance. He wonders, how are you so good at this?
The interviewer laughs, clearly enjoying the banter. âSo, who do you think had the hardest time keeping a straight face during those scenes?â
You both point at each other simultaneously, then laugh.
Sebastian leans back, shaking his head. âDefinitely Y/N. There was this one scene where we were supposed to be having this deep, romantic conversation, and she just couldnât stop giggling.â
You nudge him playfully. âWell, you werenât helping with all your ad-libs! You kept whispering things like, âIs that your stomach growling or are you just happy to see me?ââ
Sebastian laughs. âHey, I was trying to lighten the mood! And letâs not forget the scene where we had to stare into each otherâs eyes for what felt like an eternity. I swear, Y/N, you blink more than anyone I know.â
You smirk. âOnly because I was trying to avoid getting lost in those baby blues of yours.â At this point, Sebastian was laughing hard, but feeling nervous at your jokes. He secretly wished it were all real, his ears were red and hot. Heâs already thinking of how to approach you after the interview and get himself out of the friend zone which he didnât even thought heâd be in, having found a new interest in you.Â
The interviewer looks between the two of you, amused. âIt sounds like you both had a lot of fun with it. Do you think all that chemistry will translate to the screen?â
Sebastian nods. âOh, definitely. I think our off-screen dynamic really helped make the on-screen relationship feel more genuine. Plus, Y/N here is an amazing actress. She made it easy.â
You smile, feeling a bit bashful. âWell, Sebastianâs not too bad himself. Itâs hard not to enjoy working with someone whoâs so talented and, letâs be honest, ridiculously attractive.âÂ
Here she goes again .Sebastian grins. âRight back at you. But letâs be real, weâre both just incredibly good-looking people trying to make a movie here.â The internet is gonna have a field day.
The interviewer laughs. âSounds like a tough job! Any last funny or romantic moments youâd like to share?â
You think for a moment. âThere was this one scene where we had to dance together. Neither of us are professional dancers, so there were a lot of missteps and toe-stepping. But it ended up being one of the sweetest scenes because it felt so real and unpolished.â
Sebastian nods. âYeah, that was a great scene. It was supposed to be this perfectly choreographed dance, but it turned into us just goofing around and having fun. I think it really captured the essence of our characters' relationship.â
The interviewer smiles, clearly delighted by your stories. âWell, thank you both for sharing these wonderful moments. Itâs been a pleasure talking with you.â
As you and Sebastian leave the interview room, you head towards the lobby where a few other cast members are mingling. The energy is still high from the fun and laughter of the interview. Sebastian nudges you playfully as you walk.
âHey, remember in the interview when you called me incredibly good-looking and charismatic?â he teases, a mischievous glint in his eye.
You roll your eyes, grinning. âOh, come on. Donât let it go to your head, Stan.â
He chuckles. âToo late. Iâm pretty sure Iâm going to bring that up every chance I get now.â
âYou would,â you laugh, shaking your head. â Itâs not like I was lying.â
Sebastian stops walking, turning to face you. âWell, thank you. And for the record, youâre pretty incredible yourself. Both on screen and off.â
You feel a warm blush creeping up your cheeks, putting a palm to your chest as if to continue the gag. âThanks, Seb. That means a lot.â
He smiles, his eyes softening. âNo, really, itâs been really great working with you. I think we make a pretty good team.â
âI think so too,â you agree, feeling a flutter in your stomach, you realize heâs actually serious now. Thereâs a moment of silence as you both just look at each other, the playful teasing from earlier now replaced with something more tender.
Sebastian breaks the silence first. âSo, what do you say we celebrate wrapping up the promotion tour? Maybe dinner tonight?â
You raise an eyebrow, teasingly. âIs this your way of asking me out, Stan?â
He grins, a little sheepishly. âMaybe it is. What do you think?â
You pretend to think about it for a moment, then nod. âI think it sounds like a great idea.â
âPerfect,â he says, looking genuinely pleased. âIâll pick you up at eight?â
âEight it is."
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I hope your requests are open. I had this idea of Lando dating either a singer or dancer. Mostly inspired how he said in a video that he would like to be a singer for 24h. Basically Lando surprises the reader on tour on a location of your choosing. The fans are freaking out about him being there, because they havenât made it official to their fans and after the show they make it public. Maybe by a post where he is backstage with her being fluffy or something. Itâs purely an idea so if you donât like it then feel free to ignore it.
ROCKSTAR BOYFRIEND - LN4
listen up : kissing! cuteness! some smau! thanks for request!! i love lando x singer for some reason and even tho this is short, itâs adorbs!
word count : 1098
âïœĄâ§Ëâ
I squeal as I jump into my boyfriend's arms, he spins me around while my head is buried in his neck, âI missed you!â Once my feet are back on the ground, I look at him. Taking every bit of him in, the face I have memorized. I look into my favorite eyes in the world, and smile.
âI missed you too.â He tugs at my waist a bit and kisses me softly. âIâm excited for tonight.â
âGreat to see you too, Y/n.â Max fewtrells tone makes me laugh instantly. Heâs staring at us like weâve commuted some crime.
âHi Max. Iâm happy you could come!â I lean into my boyfriend, noticing the camera around his neck.
He nods, âIâm worried how much you like Lan but, youâre good so.â I laugh as he gets distracted by my manager walking by with food.
Because heâs gone, I drag Lando to my dressing room where he immediately falls onto the couch, smiling widely. âLook at you, all famous and talented.â
âRight!â I tease, âYou have no idea what itâs like!â I walk closer and Landoâs hands slide up the back of my legs, staring up at me.
He stops them right before the hem of my skirt. âYou look good. Not fair that I have to share you with the thousands of people out there.â He refers to my current packed venue just as the opener starts another song.
He tugs me a bit closer so I move down slowly until I'm straddling him, his hands now on my ass as he smirks at me. Lando has this look that he does, like everytime he sees me he just has to be as close as possible to me.
I rest my hands on his neck and kiss him. He mumbles, âI really missed you.â He tugs me closer and kisses me harder.
I laugh into him, âI do have to go out eventually so donât get too excitedâŠâ He groans when I say it and moves his lips to my neck, âLandoâŠâ
âDonât all rockstars do this?â He eyes me as I laugh, his lips meeting mine again as thereâs a knock at the door.
Lando and I end up backstage with my crew while my guitarist strums on his guitar and my manager Ally goes over tonight as if I havenât done it a million times.
Iâm sitting on Landoâs lap, a bit more PG this time, with his hand on my hip as I listen to Ally talk.
Sheâs pacing before she turns and sigh at us, âYou two are adorable.â It catches me off guard a bit because sheâs always been the one saying we shouldnât be public because of our careers.
It makes me happy that she supports us, even if she does think heâs bad press.
Sheâs pulled away as I get a five minute stage call. âYouâre going to be amazing and iâll be front row!â Lando grins, pushing my hair back behind my ear.
I laugh, âLan, youâre in a box.â Iâve sat him and Max in VIP for my friends and family with Gracie Abrams and Finneas so that should be interesting.
âIâm seriously so proud of you.â His smile is so contagious, âYouâre so talented and amazing and beautiful and perfect.â I want to cry at his words. But thereâs no time because my stage manager hands me my microphone and points at his wrist.
I kiss him one last time before he leaves to find Max and go to their seats. Before I can step closer to the stage though, I get stopped by Ally.
Her face is stern, âI need to talk to you after the show, about Lando.â
I frown, immediately, scared of what she has to say. But her face goes soft, âI think youâre right, you should go public. Youâre sickeningly in love and if thatâs what you wantâŠâ I wrap my arms around her so tightly that she has to pry me off.
âI love you!â I scream so loud that even the crowd can hear me.
âYeah yeah, say it with a raise.â she finally cracks a smile and squeezes my arm, âGo kill it out there.â
âàŒș
Iâm sweating by the time the show is over. I can still hear the crowd screaming when I walk off the stage, the same grin I started with, still plastered on my face.
I scream when I see Lando. I could see him watching me the whole performance and Iâve never been so happy.
âHey, you did insane!â Max is first to talk as Lando hugs me again.
I let out a breathy laugh as Lando kisses my cheek, âThank you, Max!â
âLando is so lucky to have someone so cool because it really evens out his weirdness.â Lando eyes Max who pulls up his hands in defense and wanders away.
Lando kisses me again, âYou did⊠I canât even explain it! You fit so well on stage and I was singing every lyric!â
I raise a brow, âYou know every lyric?â
He nods enthusiastically, âMe and everyone in my garage! I play nothing else before a race.â I shake my head, running my hands through his curls, âBut you seem extra happy⊠is it because iâm here?â
I roll my eyes even though heâs right, âI have some news.â
His jaw drops when I tell him weâre going public. He doesnât even consult his PR people before posting the pictures.
âàŒș
LANDONORRIS
liked by yourusername and 823,644 othersâŠ
landonorris SHES MY GIRLFRIEND SUCKERSSSS @//yourusername ilyđââïžđ«¶đ»
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âł landonorris : If I fuck this up, please do.
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carlossainz : No more lando norizz?
âł landonorris : LOSER ALERT I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
âł yourusername : keep that up and iâll dump you.
âł landonorris : yes maâamđ«Ą
oscarpiastri : Finally you can talk to someone else about her. Y/n, youâre great and all but I know far to much about you.
âł landonorris : shhh your ears are blessed
yourusername : my idiot đđ«¶đ»
âł landonorris : my love đđ§Ą
âł carlosainz : WHIPPED
âł alexalbon : WHIPPED
âł maxverstappen : WHIPPED
âł georgerussell : am I the only one who thinks this is cute?
âł lewishamilton : George.
âł georgerusell : WHIPPED
âł francocolapinto : WHIPPEDđ«”
#fanfic#formula 1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#lando norris#lando norris fanfic#lando x reader#lando imagine#lando norris x singer#lando norris x singer reader
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Love is a strong word - Y.JH
This is part 2 to âHate is a strong wordâ IâM SORRY it took a while but real life got in the way also my eye is being extra annoying! I hope you guys love this as much as I do (ă„àčâąáŽâąàč)ă„âĄ
Summary:Â
Itâs been a year since you moved away to a new branch. If youâre being honest, things havenât been great. Being away from all you know and all you wanted has made you realize a lot of things and made you wish you had done things differently. Maybe moving back would be better for you.Â
Wordcount: 15k
Warnings: lots of conflict and resolutions, super emotional, angsty as fuck, protected v. penetration, fingering, lots of praising and fluff, nothing major, smut is pretty tame and loving, biting because yes
Requested: yes, by popular demandÂ
P.S - Italic is for thoughts mainly from the charactersâ perspective and quotes. Bold is for text messages/calls/voice messages between characters
Itâs been a year since you moved to this new city and another branch at your company. It isnât exactly going like you thought it would. You thought you would make friends easily. You thought your career would have progressed. You thought you wouldnât think that much about Jeonghan. You were wrong on all counts.
Your career was still at the same stage it was when you moved. No exciting opportunities had opened. You had met some really nice people and your new team was great but you missed your team, you missed your best friends. You even missed Claraâs perverted comments on a daily basis. You missed the team meetings. You missed Jeonghan. You missed him a lot.Â
One thing moving to a smaller town and being new will do to you is give you time to think about the past. You had thought a lot about Jeonghan. What your feelings for him were. Why you were trying to keep him away. Why you told yourself you were fine with him being on a date with Hana while fucking you. Being away from all of them gave you a lot of clarity on a lot of things from your past. It also allowed you to feel things without fear and embrace everything you were too scared to do before.
Too bad it was too late.Â
You donât know what happened with Jeonghan and Hana but you imagine them being happy together. And it devastated you. You shouldâve said something. You shouldnât have ran. You were a coward and it made you lose one of the best things in your life all because of pride.
No one from your previous team ever found out about you and Jeonghan. And every time you visited them or they visited you, the subject was never brought up. And, if you were being honest with yourself, you didnât want to know. âIgnorance is blissâ you tell yourself. At least this way you can pretend he doesnât hate you now and that he is single and waiting for you. Your therapist disagrees and hopes you will face all your fears the next time you see him.
Thatâs another thing you did when you moved here. You got help. You got a therapist and it has helped you a lot. If anything, at least this year has made you grow as a person and made you realize how you shouldâve handled most things in your life in the past. She has also helped you figure out ways for you to deal with your current feelings and given you tools to keep improving yourself to make sure you make the right decisions for yourself in the future.
It was okay living here though. The apartment wasnât the best. You missed your baby terribly but you managed. You were adjusting fairly well. Initially, you had cried every day. It was very difficult to not see your people and not sleep in your bed. Now you were better. You were dealing with the consequences of your decision in a better way. You tried visiting your friends more and tried getting to know your new team more as well. You couldnât deny that you did want to go back. To the branch, to your team, to your apartment, to⊠Everything that you left behind. But you didnât think that opportunity would happen any time soon.
Work was always uneventful. All teams got along great and it was easy making decisions together. Also being a smaller branch, you didnât get as many big accounts, so sometimes it was just a bit too slow for you and what you were accustomed to.
Today you had to finish the monthly report to your manager but not much else was going on so you let your team go home early for the day. You were having a hard time focusing on your work. Something that seems to have started when you moved here. You didnât use to have this issue before. You were in the middle of your thoughts when your phone rang and snapped you out of it. You looked at it and smiled before answering.
âHoshi, my beloved⊠Why are you calling me during work hours?â
âSeriously, this is your fault. Why would you leave us? This new manager is driving us insaneâ Hoshi told you in a whispered tone.
âCome on⊠He canât be that bad. I heard really good things about him from when he was a team member hereâ
âI donât know what kind of lies they told you but he is insane. His demands are outrageous. Remember how Jeonghan used to annoy us because he just wanted to? Well, this new guy has made Jeonghan annoy us even more and now Jeonghan is actually right! Canât you understand how wrong this is?â Hoshi asked you.
âHere I thought I was special and Jeonghan only annoyed me. I guess we were all played, huh?â you asked Hoshi playfully.
âThis isnât funny, Y/N. Jeonghan has to be an asshole now because someone has to stop this guy. He is not ready to be a manager. You need to help us, say something to someone about him, please. I am begging you. We are begging you. And you owe us from leaving us with this lunaticâ Hoshi answered in a very serious tone.
âLook, I can try and find out more about him and talk to my manager to see if anything can be done. But you know I donât have that kind of power. You need to go to HR. Talk to Cass, she is usually the best person to reach for these things and she happens to be super close with Sunny. I will do the best I can on my side but I canât guarantee anythingâ you told him sincerely.Â
What you didnât tell him was that you wished you could switch with their manager and get back to your team. You hadnât told them yet that you wanted to be back. Itâs not a possibility and it would only make everyone sadder. You were done being selfish.
âI know. I know, Y/N. Itâs just⊠Why canïżœïżœïżœt you come back? This guy is clearly not a good fit for our branch and for our teamâ Hoshi told you in a sad tone.
âItâs not my choice anymore. Thereâs no openings at all Hoshi. And I made a commitment to this branch when I moved here. I canât just up and leaveâÂ
âYou say that but we both know your worth and how much this company needs you. They would do anything you wanted to keep you. You could request to come back specially with all of us not getting along well with the new team lead. And itâs nothing personal. He just isnât good at being a manager and he isnât ready for it at this branch yetâ Hoshi continued sincerely.
âI will speak to my manager about him, okay? But thatâs all I can do for right now. You should reach out to Cass in HR on your side. The whole team should actually. And any other team that is also being affected by this should speak up as wellâ you added sternly.
âOkay, Y/N. Thank you. I have to go before he loses his shit. I hope youâre well and please, visit us soonâ he said and you both hung up.
In a way Hoshi was right. You could request this change to the company. And it would make sense. Their new manager came from this branch where things are much slower and much easier. He was not ready for the big leagues as a manager at least. It would be easy to convince your manager.Â
For now, you would do the right thing and put your personal feelings aside. You would talk to your manager just like you promised Hoshi and it would be up to them on how to proceed from here.
There was a knock on your door and one of your team members - Chris - walked in.
âI thought I told you to go home for the day. Nothing to do around here for nowâ you told him and smiled.
âWell, you know me. I canât leave with the boss still around. Hardly seems fair. Also I like to work for my money, thank you very muchâ he added as he started to move to sit on the chair across from you.
âNever met anyone that wouldnât rush out of the office if told by their bosses before. Also please donât call me boss. I told you so many times Chrisâ you said. Chris smiled.
Chris was a lovely guy. He was your right hand at this branch. He introduced you to everyone and made it easier for you to adjust to the change. He is also one of your best team members. Very hard working and constantly looking to improve and progress his career as well. He reminds you of a younger you.
The only problem with Chris is that he seems very interested in you. He has reached out to you about his feelings several times and wants you to give him a chance. This is one of the reasons you mostly havenât gotten to know your team in the same way you tried with your previous team.
He was gorgeous. Tall. Muscular. Beautiful Australian accent. You were simply not interested. You had someone else in your mind and in your heart and even though you werenât strong enough and brave enough to do anything about it, you knew you could never start something new with someone else without resolving the past.
Chris knew it too. Well not the whole âhaving feelings for someone elseâ part but that you werenât interested. And he had been very understanding. He hadnât pushed at all. Simply told you if anything changed, he would always be open to explore your relationship further. It was sweet. He was one of the few things that kept you sane over here and you didnât want to lose him.
âAre you going to be done soon? I was thinking maybe we can leave together?â Chris asked you.
âSorry, no. Iâve been procrastinating for the last 20 minutes and now Iâm late in delivering this. You go ahead and leave. Iâm also going to try and catch the actual boss before leavingâ you told him and he got up to leave.
âAlright, Y/N. See you tomorrow, have a great nightâ he told you before leaving.
Thankfully, your manager was still here as well and you were able to talk to him about the new team lead that Hoshi told you about. Seungkwan was his name. He was a very passionate team lead over here and yes, demanding but no one had ever had any complaints since he had been promoted. You explained to your boss the pace of the two branches are very different and so are the team members and the demands. You recommended someone check on the teams of the other branch and with Seungkwan himself to understand how everyone is adjusting and if any changes are necessary and your boss agreed.Â
Youâve done your part. You have warned the right people and now itâs up to them to assess and make decisions.Â
You got home and called Hoshi to tell him and he was relieved. He also reached out to Cass and everyone else on his team did the same. Apparently, tomorrow the advertising team and some IT members are also going to Cass about Seungkwan. Wow. He really hasnât made any friends. Poor guy. This branch was very happy with him when he was here. Maybe he just isnât ready for the amount of work and stress the other branch entails.Â
During that phone call with Hoshi, he asked you to come visit the following weekend and you agreed. You needed to see all of them. You told him to please arrange for all the team members to be available to hang out and drink and eat and gossip and he was more than happy to start sending voice messages screaming in the group chat you all have together. It made you smile so hard that they were still the same crazy bunch and they still cared so much about you even after you left.
Since you have a big drive to do whenever you visit, you made a request to your boss to book next Thursday and Friday off so you could really enjoy a proper weekend with them and with your apartment. He approved and you were all set for next week. You were so excited too. You couldnât hide it.
âI wonder if Y/N will ever get this excited to see us in the futureâ Hyunjin, another one of your team members spoke and it broke you out of your daydream and silly smile.
âDefinitely not. Weâre the reboundâ Felix - your sweetest team member - chimed in.
âHey! Thatâs unfair. Iâve never treated any of you like a rebound. How dare you?â you asked Felix and pouted.
Everyone laughed and your team meeting proceeded again without any incidents. Like you said, your team was great and if you hadnât had the perfect team members before, maybe you could appreciate them more but you truly missed your people. You were so ready to come and see them.Â
The week went by fast and at last Wednesday arrived and you couldn't wait for the day to end for you to go home and get ready to leave. Before your day was done, your boss called you into his office to discuss something that apparently couldnât wait until you got back.
âI know you have to leave and Iâm sorry to call you in right now but itâs precisely because you are going to visit them over there that I wanted to get this out of the way before you leftâ he told you once you sat down in front of him.
âIâm not getting fired, am I? That would lead to a depressing weekendâ you said jokingly and you both laughed.
âNot at all. This company will do the best they can to keep you around in any branch and you know that as well. Youâre far too valuable. This is about the team lead situation you brought to light to me last week, actuallyâ he told you and you sat there silently waiting for him to continue.
âAfter we talked about it, I brought it up to the head of HR and they actually talked to everyone at that branch including Seungkwan and his manager to understand what could be happening. It was determined that Seungkwan is not ready for a managerial position at that branch just yet. However, he still wanted to stay on as a team member for the marketing team and learn from the new team lead that joins their team instead of coming back to this branchâ he added and you nodded.
âNow, as much as the possibility of losing you pains me personally, itâs up to me to let you know that the company is actually giving you the choice. Since you were the one that started bringing this to everyoneâs attention and you were extremely successful in leading the team in the other branch before, they wanted to give you the opportunity to return to the branch as team lead if you wanted toâ
âReturn?â you asked confused.
Your manager laughed.
âYes. You have one of two options. Return there as team lead and continue on where you left off with the team and to your success or stay here with usâ he said and you looked down.
âLook, I know this branch isnât working exactly as you thought it would for you. Iâm not blind to that. Not only that but the opportunities that you were told you were getting here havenât happened and wonât anytime soon. So even though I donât want to lose you, I really want you to think it overâÂ
âDoes anyone else know about this? Team members, branches?â you asked him.
âNo. The managers know but no one else. They will only be told after a decision is made. If you choose to stay with us, they will hire an outsider for the team lead position at the other branch. If you choose to return to your branch, we will most likely promote Chris as the team lead hereâ he answered you.
âChris would be great as a team lead for this team. They all trust him and he has seen me do a lot of the team lead tasks so heâll learn quicklyâ you told your manager.
âDoes this mean youâre choosing to return to them then?â he asked you and you paused.
âNo⊠I donât know yet. Can I think this over the weekend? Iâm assuming you also told me this today to have me think it over while Iâm thereâ you said and laughed lightly.
âOf course and yes, thatâs exactly why I told you. Monday we can discuss this more but go have fun and restâ he told you. You said your goodbyes for the weekend and went home to pack and get ready.
Itâs funny. You spent most of this year wanting this opportunity to open up. And now that itâs here, youâre hesitating.Â
Going back there would mean facing a lot of things you left behind. Things you werenât sure you were completely ready for just yet. Sure, you had been working on yourself and on making better decisions for yourself and on being more honest with everyone around you but you were still scared.
Returning also meant finding out what happened with Jeonghan this last year and you didnât know if you were ready for that. If he was still dating Hana and you had to start seeing them together every day, you might lose your mind completely. Not knowing anything made you feel that maybe, just maybe, he was waiting for you just like you were waiting for him. You didnât want that delusion to be shattered by reality.
On the other hand, you missed everyone terribly. You missed the pacing of your job, your people, your apartment, your favorite restaurants. Would you really pass this opportunity up just because you were scared of getting your heart broken?
You havenât decided yet. Maybe your manager is right. Seeing everyone and going back there can really help you make a final decision and the right decision for yourself personally and professionally.Â
The next day you were well rested and ready for the drive. All you could think about was seeing your apartment and lying in your bed.
As soon as you got to your apartment, you felt like a new person. You loved the feeling of coming home. Your actual home. You went out to get groceries and came back home to cook a nice meal and hang out at your place. You missed this so much, being by yourself in your home and binging a show on the couch. This was all you had planned for today.Â
Tomorrow you were meeting them at your usual place where you used to have most of your team building dinners. You missed that place too even if the last time you were there you were faced with Jeonghan and Hana on a date. You were not going to let them ruin a great restaurant for you. Tomorrow you would enjoy hanging out with everyone and hopefully get a better understanding of what the right decision is for you. For now, youâll just enjoy your cozy home you missed so much.
The next day and a half went by fast and it was now Friday night and you were getting ready to go to dinner. You couldnât wait to see them and get a little crazy. Itâs been such a long while since you were all together like this.
You took a Uber and got to the restaurant a bit early but you were just too excited. As you were getting ready to go in, you heard Hoshi calling your name from across the street.
âY/N! Youâre early! Arenât you a bit too excited to hang out with your favorite people in the entire world?? Simpâ Hoshi yelled from across the street as Seokmin was still getting out of the Uber behind him.
âI missed this restaurant and Iâm hungry. Donât flatter yourself!â you yelled back and the three of you laughed.
Hoshi and Seokmin crossed the street and you finally hugged. You missed them so much.
âWe should go in. Everyone else is already here and Shua was already texting me and being clingy. He really missed youâ Seokmin said and started moving towards the entrance of the restaurant.Â
âShua? You invited him? I thought it was just usâ you said and your heart started beating rapidly inside your chest.Â
âOh it wasnât me, Y/N. Hoshi here invited the whole advertising team and they all acceptedâ Seokmin said as he smiled mischievously at Hoshi.
âThanks, SeokminâŠâ Hoshi said and turned to you.
âYou invited them? Why? Hoshi I wanted to hang out just us like the old days⊠I thought I was pretty clearâŠâ you said and Seokmin patted Hoshi on the back and got in the restaurant leaving you both alone.
âLook, they overheard me and I felt bad not inviting them. Shua and Wonwoo talk about you all the time. They miss you too, Y/NâÂ
âWhy not invite just them then? Why everyone?â you asked. You were trying to look behind Hoshi into the restaurant but you couldnât see the table you were all sitting at.
âIs this about Jeonghan? I thought you two were coolâŠâ Hoshi asked as he scratched the back of his head.
âItâs fine. Donât worry about it. I was just surprised. Thank you for getting everyone together, HoshiâÂ
He smiled and you both started to go into the restaurant and to the back towards your table. There were a lot of you so they placed your table at the back of the restaurant for more privacy. Also they knew your team well and how loud you could get with drinks in you so it was the overall best option for everyone.
âStop everything! She has arrived!â Hoshi yelled as you two got to the table and almost everyone jumped.
âI will have a heart attack working with you peopleâ someone you didnât know spoke up and you stared at Hoshi.
âThatâs our new team lead. He invited himselfâ Hoshi whispered to you.
âSo youâre the one terrorizing these teams? Gotta say⊠Very impressive. Here I thought I was special but you can get everyone just as madâ you said and everyone laughed.
Jeonghan had been staring at you since the moment you walked up to the table. You could feel his eyes on you. You were trying to act normal in front of your team but you wanted to talk to him. Maybe tonight is not the best night to talk things over but you needed to at least understand if there even was a possibility of talking things over. You definitely donât think you can come back if things are not resolved between the two of you.
Dinner with everyone was easy. Everyone was telling stories and telling you the updates for everything and you even got to know Seungkwan a bit more. He seemed like a wonderful guy. He was loud and he and Hoshi were always on each otherâs nerves but if you were to come back, you could see this working well. He would make a wonderful addition as a team member.
Shua, Seungcheol and Wonwoo tried pretending to be upset with you for a bit but that all fell to pieces when you all got into your usual shenanigans. Another thing you realize now that youâre here is that you definitely neglected these three boys when you left. You completely lost touch with them and it wasnât fair to them. Youâre lucky theyâre being merciful.
Silvia has gotten really close with Seokmin you can tell. Itâs cute. She has always been the quiet one whenever your teams are together and itâs good to see she feels a bit more comfortable around everyone with Seokmin by her side.
Jeonghan didnât say much throughout the dinner. He laughed sometimes and smiled but didnât chime in much. You didnât know what changed (if anything) in his life since you left. Maybe he was doing this on purpose. You wish you were brave enough to ask him directly in front of everyone.
As usual, Clara breaks you out of your thoughts by saying the most outrageous shit out of nowhere.
âSo, Y/N⊠Be honest⊠Have you fucked that Chris guy on your team yet?âÂ
There is a moment where everyone is silent and then a few seconds later of staring at each other everyone bursts out laughing.
âI missed your ridiculousness, Clara. Thank you, I really needed a good laughâ you said as you continued laughing.
âOh come on! Seriously! Whatâs wrong with you? This guy was so fucking hot, I couldnât believe my eyes when I went there. Almost requested a transfer instantlyâ Clara added and you kept laughing.
âHow hot?â Sunny asked and everyone stared at her still laughing.
âWow, I leave for a year and Sunny turns into Clara⊠Seungkwan, you gotta get a handle on the childrenâ you said and Seungkwan laughed.
âTall, muscular, Australian hunk. Sunny, literally one of the hottest men Iâve seen with my own two eyes and he was all over Y/N. I was so jealous⊠Why do you always get the hottest guys to be into you and you donât even take advantage of it? Unfairâ Clara answered Sunny and Sunny gasped.
âDo you have pictures?â Sunny asked.
âOf course, I have pictures of all my coworkers on my phone. Because thatâs not creepy at allâ you added and got up to use the restroom.
âI follow him on Instagram, let me show youâ Clara said and you shook your head and continued going to the bathroom.
When you came back, Clara and Sunny were still looking at Chrisâs Instagram page and drooling. They started telling you what an idiot you were for not even trying to date him and you just shrugged.
âBut seriously, no boyfriends we should know about?â Shua asked and you were surprised by his question.
Everyone turned to you.
âNo. Not really interested in dating at the moment. Still have a few things to resolve in that arena in my life before I even consider starting to date againâ you answered honestly and you hoped Jeonghan picked up on what you were trying to say.
Shua caught that as well, smiled at you and looked at Jeonghan who was now staring at his empty plate.
Clara and Sunny booed at you and everyone moved on from that topic and continued to chat about changes or new things they purchased or hobbies they started after you left. You were trying hard to pay attention to them but you needed to talk to Jeonghan. He just didnât seem interested in talking to you.
As you were trying to convince yourself to just go for it, Jeonghan got up and told everyone he had to leave and your heart sank. There goes your chance.
âLate date?â Clara asked as she raised her eyebrows at him and everyone laughed and started telling her off. You pretended to laugh but you didnât find any of this funny.
âNoâ was all he said before saying his goodbyes and leaving. He didnât even look at you before leaving. He was always so unfair. As far as he knows, you may never be back here again. He may never see you again. Yet, he doesnât seem to care. He doesnât even care enough to tell you goodbye. Maybe coming back here would be a huge mistake if this is how youâre going to feel every day.
Seokmin snapped you back from your thoughts by squeezing your hand and smiling at you. He didnât know about you and Jeonghan but he seemed to understand your sadness at that moment while everyone else didnât notice anything.
You thought about maybe ending the night early but that wouldnât be fair to anyone else there so you pushed through. You also deserved to have fun with your friends. You have plenty of time to be sad when you get home.
The rest of the night went by fast. The group moved from the restaurant to a karaoke bar and everyone was having a blast. You might have had too much to drink but you needed to stop thinking about Jeonghan and focus on your friends so alcohol it is. You were going to regret this tomorrow.Â
And regret it you did. You woke up with a huge hangover. Your head was pounding. Why did you drink this much? Oh yeah⊠Jeonghan. At least everyone seemed to have enjoyed the night. You shouldâve drank more water though. You got up, took an ibuprofen, showered and decided to rest more until your headache went away.Â
It sounded like a good plan and was going great until someone decided to ruin your entire mood by ringing your doorbell. You tried ignoring it and turned around on your bed to go back to sleep but the doorbell kept ringing.
You got up and went to the door. Whoever it was, they better be ready for a fight. You were tired, angry, sad and out of patience for any nonsense today.
You didnât even check the peephole. You get to the door and you swing it open, ready to fight and when you finally see whoâs on the other side, you stop.
âNot a good morning, Y/N?â Jeonghan asks, laughing lightly.
You sigh and gesture at him to come in.
âWhat gave it away? The disheveled hair? The swinging the door open?â you asked as you sat on the couch.
âThe general rage, yes. Had a good time last night after I left, huh?â he asked and he joined you on the couch.
âI forgot how insane they are when they drink. I missed everyone so much that I let myself get carried away. Mistakeâ
You both laughed. And then there was silence. You couldnât take this anymore. It was now or never.
âWhy did you ignore me last night? You barely said anything or even looked at me. You didnât even say goodbye. That couldâve been the last time you saw me and you didnât even say anything. Why?â you asked him.
âIâll never be able to say goodbye to you, Y/N. I couldnât do it a year ago and I canât do it nowâ he answered without hesitation.
You nodded.
âWhy did you come here today? You didnât seem to be interested in talking to me yesterdayâ you asked again.
âIt wasnât easy seeing you. After all this time. I went there because I needed to see you but I didnât know if I should be there. If you wanted me there. I didnât want to ruin your night but I couldnât not go. I was being selfishâÂ
âSo you decided to leave early yesterday and come here today and ruin a whole new day for me?â you asked in a playful tone but he didnât laugh with you.
âI wanted to see you, Jeonghan. I know I wasnât being obvious about it yesterday but everyone was there. I didnât want to ruin the night for them. It was the first time we were all together in a long time. I couldnât be selfish. But I wanted to beâ you added to your previous statement.
He nodded.
âThen can we talk? Right now? Itâs why I came here. Thereâs a lot of things we need to talk about. I shouldâve done this earlier. Way before last year even. Iâm a coward when it comes to youâ Jeonghan said.
âYes, pleaseâ you answered and you both smiled.
âIâve never been the smoothest guy around. The guy that can easily talk to a girl he likes. Iâve always gotten weird and acted stupid. I donât know why. And now I would like to think Iâm better but back then when we met 6 years ago, I was still that stupid kid that didnât know how to act when he liked a girl. Thatâs kind of why this started. Back then, when I first saw you, I wanted to get to know you more. You were so beautiful, I still remember what you were wearing the first day we met. But you didnât seem to notice me. At all. The only time you acknowledged me was in an interdepartmental meeting when I made a snappy comment and you started getting snarky with me. I thought this was my shot. This is how you were going to notice meâ he started and you scoffed.
âSo you decided to be an asshole from then on? Why not just come to me and talk to me?â you asked.
âLike I said, I was a dumb kid. I wanted your attention but I wasnât brave enough or confident enough to simply walk up to you and start a conversation so I decided having you mad at me was better than having you not know I even existed. Things went downhill fast from there. You were hating me more and more and I was⊠Liking you more and more. But after a year of this dynamic, I didnât know how to stop it and just talk to you. Seungcheol always gave me so much shit for it. He kept saying I was going to regret not having talked to you and gotten to know you the proper way. That it was going to bite me in the ass and he was rightâ he sighed as he continued.
So thatâs what Seungcheol meant when he asked you if you didnât know why Jeonghan treated you this way. He knew all along of Jeonghanâs feelings for you and he probably thought you knew as well, somehow.
âY/N, Iâve had feelings for you from day one. Thatâs why it hurt so much hearing you say you hated me even if I brought it on myself. When you gave me a chance to have you in my arms, even if it was just that night at the party, I didnât hesitate. I couldnât. I had wanted you for so long. Desperate for your attention. Part of me wishes I stopped myself from having you that night. I shouldâve told you the truth right there but I couldnât risk you leaving. I was selfish that night tooâÂ
You looked down and he sighed.Â
You didnât know what to say. Even though this made sense, it also didnât. You still had so many questions. You needed to know everything. No more fear. No more being a coward.
You looked back at Jeonghan.
âWhy did you sleep with Hana then? If you had feelings for me from the start?â you asked and he laughed.
âAnother stupid mistake I made because of my feelings for youâ he said and you raised an eyebrow at him.
âDo you remember the only year we had the Christmas party at the office? The one where the office almost got destroyed?â he asked and you nodded.
âBefore that party I promised myself I was going to talk to you. Really talk. Maybe drunkenly confess my feelings for you and hope for the best. But you spent the first few hours of that party with Jackson. Smiling and laughing and having fun and I was fucking miserable watching you two. I started drinking a bit too much and when Hana came to me I thought âfuck itâ. If you could live your life and probably end up dating Jackson, I could fuck whoever I wanted too. I didnât really think about the consequences of sleeping with her until it was done. She told the whole office and the look of disgust you gave me when you found out was enough for me to realize that if I hadnât ruined all my chances with you before, I definitely had thenâ
âYouâre an idiotâ you told him.
âI knowâ he agreed.
âEven if you regretted it afterwards, you seemed to have a good time. She said a lot of things about that night. Hard to believe you cared about me that much but fucked her that good. Or maybe Iâm just a hopeless romantic that doesnât understand fucking without feelingsâ you said and you looked down.
You know you wanted the truth but you had forgotten how much the truth could hurt.
âYou fucked me and you hated me thoughâ he said and you scoffed.
âYou really are an idiotâŠâ you said and sighed.
He looked at you with a puzzled look in his eyes.Â
âDonât look so confused. Iâll explain my side soon. Continueâ you told him.
âAbout what she said, it was all lies. I may have been drunk but I remember that night clearly. It was terrible. I didnât even put in an effort. I didnât care. I was picturing you the whole time, Iâm actually surprised I didnât say your name. Probably because nothing felt good. I just wanted to get it over with. When we were done, I left immediately without even saying a word to her. I was disgusted with myself. I went to sleep that night hoping you would never find out about it. You know Iâm like you, I know youâve heard it around the office too. I donât just fuck people, I donât do the fuck buddy thing. Iâve always been looking for the real deal. I will always regret that nightâ he said and you started to understand him a bit more, but there were still a couple of things on your mind when it came to Hana.
âWhy let her hang around you all the time at the office? If you were mad about her telling everyone and if you really werenât interested, why let her follow you around and grab you whenever she wants?â you asked.
He smiled at you.
âThe first time she did it in front of you, it seemed like you were jealous. I didnât know if it was wishful thinking on my part, but the look in your eye when she started touching me gave me hope. Again, Iâm an idiot, I knowâ he answered and now it actually made you laugh lightly.
âCanât argue with thatâ you said and he laughed with you.
âLast question about her and I think you know whatâs comingâ you said and he sighed and nodded.
âIf all of this is true, what happened when I met you both at the restaurant? She said you were on a date. Why?âÂ
âThis one is actually an easy one to answer. We were never on a date. Woozi in IT invited me out for dinner and drinks to join their team dinner since I wasnât doing so well and I agreed. When the time of the dinner came, everyone else canceled except her so I was stuck with her. Not sure if it was her plan all along but I know Woozi wouldnât do that to me so I guess it worked in her favor somehow. I decided to stay because I was hungry and tired and wanted a drink and then we ran into you. When she said it was a date, I really wanted to say something different but the look in your eyes⊠I knew I needed to explain myself outside of that situation. You werenât going to let me do it there specially since you were late for your team dinnerâ
He does know you well. You wouldâve left either way that night. What you still donât understand is why he didnât tell you all of this before you left.
âWhy didnât you tell me all of this? Why did you let me leave thinking you were fucking me while dating her?â you finally asked.
âBefore that restaurant situation, you had been distancing yourself from me. I didnât know why but I was too scared to find out. I thought maybe you were done. With us. With me. I didnât think you would want to hear anything from me anymore. And when you also didnât reach out or asked for an explanation about Hana, I thought that meant you didnât care. I thought you didnât care if I was dating her or not because we were just fucking. I thought if I reached out and told you the truth, you were going to tell me it was just sex. That it was never more than that between us. I didnât want to hear thatâ
âSo you let me leave? No goodbye. No explanation. Just a text. How do you think I felt when you did that?â you asked with tears in your eyes now.
âI know how much I fucked up. After sending that text and staring at my phone, I realized I would rather let you know the whole truth even if it meant you rejecting me than this. I drove to your place but when I got there, you were goneâ he added and he also had tears in his eyes now.
âWhy didnât you ever call me? Or even texted me? Why not tell me all of this even if I was away?â you asked him as you cried softly.
âI didnât think youâd want to hear from me. You had this new life now in a different city with new people. I thought you were over whatever happened with usâ
âI spent this whole year thinking about youâ you said and he nodded sadly.
There was a silence in the room with you now.Â
He had told you the whole truth. Since the very first day. No more hiding.Â
It was your turn now but you didnât even know where to start so you told him just that.
âThank you for telling me this now. I also have some explaining to do but I donât even know where to startâŠâ
âFrom the beginning. From when we met, please. I need to knowâ Jeonghan told you and you agreed.
âI thought you were the most beautiful human Iâd ever seen. When we first met. Iâm also not the best at talking to people I like. I usually donât, at all. I stay away and just enjoy the person from afar. It seems easier than being rejected. Adding that to how obsessed I was with the company and being hired there, I guess it would have seemed like I didnât notice you at all. But I did. Which is why I was so pissed every time you were an asshole to me. Not only was the career I dreamed of taking a hit but the guy I had a crush on apparently wanted to destroy my careerâ you said and laughed.
He laughed with you.
You were both idiots.Â
âAfter that, I accepted that you just hated me. I had to move on or I would end up breaking my own heart. So I told myself that I hated you. I would hate you from then on and treat you exactly like you were treating me. I spent years avoiding what I really felt about you. It seemed easier that way. I needed to focus on my career and ignore whatever was going on with you. It was the smartest decision for meâ you told him and continued.
âI didnât realize all of this until I left though. Being away and getting a therapist helped me realize all of my feelings for you. Made me understand what I did wrong and what I wish I could change. Distancing myself from you after our last night here was a huge mistake. But at the time I was confused. I still thought I didnât like you at all so how could I let you in here. I didnât want to see the truth. I wasnât ready for it. Itâs easier now, even if it hurts, knowing exactly what my feelings for you areâ you added.
âIs that why you didnât say anything after the restaurant incident?â he asked you.
âYeah. I had already been distant from you trying to sort out my feelings and when I saw you with her I made my decision. Maybe it was best if we stopped whatever it was we were doing. Then when we didnât speak after that and my manager gave me the option to leave, again, it seemed easier than trying to deal with everything. I used my career as an excuse but I just wasnât ready to face this. I am nowâ you answered.
You were trying to explain everything to him but sometimes itâs hard to put all of this in words. Itâs been 6 years of confusion and misunderstandings. Where do you go from here?
âI donât want to ask this but what about Jackson? What happened at the Christmas party?â he asked and it surprised you.
âHonestly I donât even remember that party at all. I donât remember spending that much time with Jackson. I never liked him and I always knew he was just trying to fuck me. I was nice to him at first but I guess over time I lost patience and thatâs why now it may be more obvious of how not interested I amâ you told him and he nodded.
âAnd Chris?â he asked in a more hushed voice.
You laughed.
âChris is a great guy. And he has told me heâs interested in me. I told him no. I still had things from my past to sort out and wasnât interested. He understood. Weâre friends. Sure, he still hopes one day Iâll give him a chance but I already told him many times not to wait for thatâ you said and he smiled.
You smiled too.
You werenât sure if there was anything else he wanted to know but it seems most of your past issues have been explained on both sides. Past has been resolved in a way. But what about the future? Is there a future? Youâre trying to figure out how to ask this question when he interrupts your thoughts.
âWhat about now? What happens now? Youâre still living far away, it would be tricky but I want to see you again. And a lot more. Maybe we can go back to how things were between usâŠâ Jeonghan said and the last part he said with more nervousness in his tone.
Thing is⊠He still didnât say what his feelings were. He said he liked you but that could mean anything. Now he wants to go back to how things were? No⊠Thatâs not what you want at all. You thought you had been clear.
âNo, I donât want to go back to how things were. I know that for sureâ you told him and his smile fell from his face.
âOh⊠Hmm⊠Okay⊠I thought that was what we both wanted. I guess I got that wrongâ he said as he started to get up from the couch and move towards the door.Â
âWait, where are you going? You didnât let me finishâ you said as you followed behind him.
âNo, I get it. I thought things could go back to that but they canât. Weâve been hurting each other for so long. I wouldnât want to be with me either. Sorry. I should go. Iâm meeting Seungcheol for lunch but thanks for listening to meâ he said as he left your apartment.
You were left alone, in the middle of your living room, confused and staring at your door.
âWhat the hell just happened?â you asked yourself. You thought the conversation was going well. You were both reaching an agreement so why would he leave. He didnât even let you explain what you meant when you said you didnât want things to go back to the way things were. Was that all he wanted from this? To explain everything and then go back to just fucking each other? Why was he always so confusing? Things between two people arenât supposed to be this difficult. You canât even hold a conversation without misunderstandings. How was this ever going to work?
You were left confused and wondering what any of it meant for the both of you.
The rest of the weekend went by fast. You met up with some of the guys for lunch and just to hang out and Sunday came fast. Before you knew it, it was time to leave again. You couldnât leave without trying to understand what went wrong and what you said that made Jeonghan leave so abruptly. You decided to call him. He didnât answer so you texted him.
âHey, Iâm sorry to bother you and do this on short notice but I would really like to see you before I have to leave today. I feel like our conversation ended and you left on another misunderstanding. Can you please, make some time for me today? I have to leave by 6PM, the latest. Iâm free the rest of the day. Let me know, okay?â
Nothing.
He didnât answer the text. He never called you back.Â
It was 6:30PM and you were still in your apartment staring at your phone, waiting for him.
Crying, you pick up your bags and get ready to leave.
This would never work. He is unable to resolve things by talking. He always runs away from you. You would end up getting your heart broken in the future.
Not that your heart isnât broken right now. You opened up to him and told him the whole truth and somehow he chose to listen to the wrong thing and leave. This time you were proud of yourself though. You reached out to him and you tried to resolve everything before having to leave again. It was his choice to not listen. Thereâs only so much you can do. Relationships are a two way street. You canât keep fighting for something while the other person simply gives up and walks away. Itâs exhausting and you will always end up in tears.Â
Maybe this was for the best.
That four hour drive was done listening to sad songs and trying to tell yourself youâll be just fine. You still had no fucking clue of what you wanted to do. Even though you had an amazing time with everyone including the new guy, this situation with Jeonghan might prove to be a little too much for you to handle.Â
You needed to sleep on this and hope your boss didnât ask you for your answer first thing in the morning.
The next day you went to work and went back to normal. The usual meetings, usual coachings, usual schedule. It felt normal.Â
By the end of the day you still didnât know what to do. You missed everything about the other branch, city and people. But you didnât know if your heart could take any more hits. Going back there wasnât going to be easy.
You were split.Â
It was the end of the day and you were packing up to go home. Your boss hasnât mentioned it at all. You talked about work during the day and he checked-in with you and the team but he didnât ask you anything else. You felt relieved. Maybe he would give you more time before making a final decision.
As you reached for the door of your office to leave, thereâs a knock.
It was your boss.
Fuck. You knew it was too good to be true.
âHey again, Y/N. Going home?â he asked you.
âYup. Not a fan of overtime especially when the work's all doneâ you told him and you both laughed.
âLook, I donât want to pressure you but we have their branch breathing down our necks. They need an answer asap. I assume you donât have one yet since you didnât talk to me about it but just a heads up, they might contact you directly if you take too long decidingâ he let you know and you sighed.
âI want to go back. Nothing against this branch but itâs just a bit too slow paced for me. Youâre a great manager and Iâve really enjoyed my time here but itâs been difficult adjusting even to my apartment. Iâm sorry I didnât tell you earlier today. Not gonna lie, before this moment, I had no clue what I wanted but as soon as you asked me I knew what the answer wasâ you answered him and he laughed.
âI get it. You and that team are the dream team. Hard to move on from that when thatâs what you love. I donât hold it against you. We can let the team here know tomorrow so that you can start helping Chris with stepping into the role, is that okay?â
âOf course but this soon? When do I have to leave by?â you asked a bit surprised on how fast this was moving.
âThey want you back there asap. I donât blame them either. Iâll let them know of your decision and letâs say two weeks? Would that be enough time for Chris to get prepared? What do you think as his current team lead?â
âThatâs more than enough time. Like I told you before, Chris was already aware and saw me do a lot of the team leadâs tasks. It should be an easy adjustment for himâ you said and he nodded.
âAlright, then! Have a good night and weâll meet with your team first thing in the morningâ your manager told you as he walked out with you.
âOne more thing⊠Can we not tell the team over there? I wanted to surprise them, if thatâs okay?â you asked your manager and he laughed again.
âIâm okay with it. Let me ask them over there and Iâll let you know tomorrow, yeah?â he answered you and you nodded.
You got to your apartment, sat down on the couch and started laughing.
You have no idea what came over you but when your manager asked what you wanted to do, you couldnât help but say you wanted to go back. This whole thing with Jeonghan wonât be easy and you will hurt but at least youâll be around the people you love most in the world, in your comfy home that you love so much.
You couldnât wait to leave.
The next two weeks went by so slow. Every day seemed to drag on forever. This was how bad you wanted to go back.Â
Your team was sad but they understood your decision and they were also super excited about having Chris step up.Â
You spent those two weeks helping Chris and preparing him for the role and by the end he was full on taking care of the team while you shadowed along. Maybe thatâs why the days went by even slower at the end. You were watching Chris do your job and reporting to your manager but you werenât doing much more.
Your manager was able to convince the other branch about keeping this a secret for now. Seungkwan was informed and he also promised to not say anything since he knew what this meant for you all. He may have only spent that one night around all of you but it was clear to him you belonged there with the team and that he still had a lot to learn before stepping up at that branch.
It was difficult not to say anything in the group chat specially since your team figured out some moves in the team were going to happen but they just didnât know what and they kept talking about it and speculating. They were suspicious it had to do with Seungkwan since they all filed the same complaint with HR but they werenât sure since Seungkwan wouldnât tell them either.
The day before you left you had dinner with Chris and the boys to say goodbye. They were a great team, really. You just didnât belong here with them. You hoped the best for them and you knew Chris would grow a lot more in the future if he kept working the way he had.
The next day you drove home. Home. Felt good to say and to think about. You couldnât wait to get there.Â
You had to be careful once you got there though. You didnât want to get caught and be told on before Monday. Clara lives very close to you so grocery shopping was going to be a risk but you had to risk it because there was no way you werenât going to cook and enjoy some nice home cooked meals.Â
Those days went by fast and so far no one had found out you were back and would be back working at the branch.
When you got to the office, you went straight to your managerâs office and as soon as you walked in, you two shared a huge hug. She had missed you just as much as you had missed her. Having another woman team lead to fight Jeonghanâs manager was much needed since he had been on a whole other level after you left.
Part of you thinks your manager asked the whole office to join the meeting so that she could rub it in his face that you were back permanently to make his life hell if needed.
The time for the meeting was finally here and your heart was beating fast. Youâre excited to see your teamâs reaction but also you canât deny that you want to see how Jeonghan reacts.Â
How can something so simple be so terrifying?
When everyone was gathered in the big conference room, your manager started the meeting by saying there would be a few changes happening in the marketing team. She kept her speech short and gave Seungkwan the floor.
âSo as you guys know, I transferred here from a much slower branch. When I was team lead there things were very different. I adjusted well and got along well with everyone. Here, things have been tricky. Even though I get along with my team on a personal level, things have been less than ideal on a professional level. When all of this became clear to all of us, I was approached by my manager and I was informed I was going to be replaced here as team lead. I could either choose to stay here as a member of the marketing team, or go back to my previous branch as team leadâ he paused then and everyone started looking around in confusion. Probably because they knew you were the team lead at that branch so what did this all mean?
âWell, I chose to stay here as a team member. I wanted to learn from the new team lead whoever that was. Initially I didnât know who that was. The final decision hadnât been made but once I found out who it was, I was incredibly happy to be working and learning from her. I donât want to prolong this anymore than I already have so letâs all please, welcome the new team lead for our marketing team!â he said and started clapping.
Everyone else joined and started to look around trying to find the person who was replacing Seungkwan.Â
You got in the room from behind your manager and as soon as Hoshiâs eyes landed on you, he ran to you and picked you up while screeching like an insane bird.
âPut me down, you maniac!â you said and as soon as he did everyone from your team ran up to hug you.
âBetter surprise than last time?â you asked and they all nodded.
You were all in your little world and your manager interrupted you.
âNot to ruin this family reunion but do you have a few words for everyone?â she asked.
âIâm not very good at these things as you probably found out last time so I donât have a lot to say. It was a good experience over there but not enough for me professionally. Also I missed my team and my home. And now Iâm back so Iâm looking forward to working and/or fighting some of youâ you said and everyone laughed.Â
You found Jeonghan in the back behind everyone. He had a blank expression on his face and as soon as your manager told everyone they could go, he was the first one out the door.
You were disappointed but not surprised. This reaction was very him.
Shua, Wonwoo and Seungcheol ran up to you and welcomed you back. Told you they missed you. Silvia was a bit more chill about it but you could tell she was happy mostly because Seokmin was happy to have you back. Youâll take it either way.
From then on everything went back to normal. Usual team meetings, usual interdepartmental meetings, usual lunch with everyone. After three weeks, it felt like you had never left. Seungkwan was a great addition to your team just like you thought. He may have not been ready for the team lead position but he was an extraordinary team member to your team.
Everything went back to what it was supposed to be. You were so happy to be back even if things with Jeonghan stayed the same. He never answered that text and never called you back and ever since you came back, he never spoke to you. You talked during meetings but about work only. He seemed to have found a good balance of being an asshole and simply accepting your teamsâ proposals when they made perfect sense. Everything was going great but somehow, when you were alone in your office and at home, you still felt empty.
Right now you were in your office, looking out the window. The day has been going okay so far, you just didnât feel good. It seems the more time passes like this between you and Jeonghan, the worse you feel every single day.Â
As you were almost falling asleep in your chair staring out the window, there was a knock at your door. You asked them to come in and to your surprise, Shua walks through the door.
âMay I come in and sit? Do you have a few minutes to chat, Y/N?â
âHmm⊠Yeah, go ahead. Surprisingly, itâs been a slow day. What do you need to talk to me about? Is it about the PrivĂ© campaign proposal?â
âActually itâs not work related. Itâs personalâ he said and you started to get nervous.
You gulped.
âOkayâ was all you said.
âLook, I donât know how your conversation went the last time you were here before you moved back but heâs been miserable since then. From what I can tell so far, you havenât been doing much better so forgive my intrusion but what the hell happened that day?â Shua asked and you just broke down.
You started sobbing. He locked your office door and came back to you to hug you.Â
You got up from the chair and you both moved to the couch in your office.
âSorryâ you said as he handed you the tissue box from your desk before sitting back down again next to you.
âI donât know what happened. We were talking and then he just left out of nowhere. Then Sunday I asked him to meet with me so we could fix whatever misunderstanding this was and he ignored both my call and text. He hasnât spoken to me since that day. I wanted to know what made him leave but he wonât give me the chanceâ you told him and you tried to stop crying.
âHe told me you confessed to him and then turned him down. It didnât make sense to me at the time but heâs sure you rejected himâ Shua said and you looked back at him confused.
âI didnât reject him, Shua. I told him no when he asked if things could go back to the way they were before with us because thatâs not what I want. I⊠Have feelings for him. Why would I want to go back to being fuck buddies or whatever the fuck we were before?â you asked and you hoped he would understand what you meant.
âYou love him and you wanted a relationship⊠You werenât rejecting him, you were rejecting being fuck buddiesâŠâ he said as he looked around and scoffed.
âLove is a strong wordâ you told him and sighed.
âIs it though? Look at you two. Youâre both miserable and for what? You should be together, Y/N. How much longer are you going to keep hurting each other?â he asked and you got offended.
âHurting each other? Heâs the one that keeps making shit decisions and not listening to me. Even when I reach out to him, he pushes me away. Heâs the one constantly breaking my heart and Iâm the one stupid enough to keep letting himâ you said as you got up back to your desk.
âIâm sorry, I didnât mean for it to sound that way. Iâm just tired of watching you both fight this. I know youâre tired of trying and being the one pushing but maybe you should do it one last time. Tell him what you told me and make sure he understands you canât be the only one fighting for the two of you. That he canât run away any time he thinks he heard something he doesnât likeâ
âIs it worth it, Shua? To keep fighting? Thereâs always been misunderstandings between us, something always happens to break us apart. Maybe itâs a sign we just shouldnât be together. Being with someone shouldnât be this difficult. I know a good relationship means hard work but this is too much. I canât keep fighting for someone who just runs away every time. Just avoids the issue and ignores me. No relationship can survive thatâ
âIâm a firm believer that nothing good comes easy. You have to put in the work. And I know he fucked up more than once and youâve been the one carrying all of this but are you really going to let him go just because of this? A silly misunderstanding about him not getting you wanted a relationship? Think about it. Heâs a literal man, Y/N. He needs things spelled out to him most times, specially when it comes to the person he loves most in the world. Youâve been through so much together that his mind just picks the negative and runs. Itâs not your fault but if you think this relationship could be the real deal, try one more time. Tell him everything. Clearly, with no room for misunderstandingsâ
You nodded and he nodded back.
He got up to leave and as he was unlocking your office door and leaving he turned back.
âJust think about it, please, Y/Nâ he said and left.
When you got home that night, it was all you could think about.Â
You wish you could ask someone. You had never told anyone about you and Jeonghan so you didnât have anyone to talk to about this and share their opinion. You didnât know if you should either. This is a decision you need to make by yourself.Â
You spent the night thinking it over and you decided it was time to be brave and grow up. You wouldnât do this through text or call. Tomorrow morning you were going straight to his office and youâre going to lay your cards on the table. Youâre going to tell him what an asshole he is and that this is his last chance. If he wants it, heâll have to put in the work from now on. No more running. No more ignoring you. Open communication or itâs not even worth starting anything back up between the two of you.
You couldnât sleep very well. You woke up nervous and angry. You rushed to the office so you could be there early and talk to him before the day started. But of course, nothing ever goes to plan when it comes to Jeonghan, and your manager called you in to talk about the new accounts that were joining the company and what you and your team should expect from them.Â
By the time you and your manager were done with that small meeting, everyone was already in the office and working hard. Shit. Should you do this now or later? Fuck it, you need this to be over with. You canât suffer like this anymore.
You went to his office and of course, the first thing you are greeted with is Hana with her paws all over him, twirling his tie in her hand and laughing. He looked bored. He was leaning against his desk. He still let her do it though and you were beyond angry.Â
You knocked on his open door and cleared your throat.Â
He looked up and when he saw it was you, he gulped and tried moving away from Hana.
âCanât you see weâre busy?â Hana asked you with disdain.Â
Youâre being tested. âPlease, do not choose murder, please. Stay calmâ you told yourself as you walked in his office towards them.
âHands off and fuck off, Hana. Donât you have work to do? As far as I know this is a fucking office so act professional and not like a hormonal teenager or Iâll report you to your team lead and to HRâ you told her and she gasped.Â
Jeonghan just kept looking between the two of you and removed his tie from her hand.
âJeonghan, say something!â she said as she turned to him and crossed her arms.
You looked at Jeonghan with a tilted head and raised your eyebrows.
âGet out, Hana. Go back to work. You shouldnât have been here in the first placeâ he told her as he finally moved away from her completely and sat down on his desk chair.
She scoffed, flipped her hair, looked you up and down and finally left.
You closed his office door behind her and turned back to him.
âAm I just going to have to see that forever or do you plan on telling her to stop it anytime soon? I guess old habits die hard, huh?â you asked as you sat down in front of him.
âIâm sorryâ was all he told you.
âGetting fucking sick of hearing that. I need to talk to you and you seem to ignore me through text and phone calls and even around here so you left me no choice. Do you have time now or do you want me to leave?â you asked and he stayed silent.
âJust know that if you tell me to leave, it will be the last fucking time Iâll give you the chance to push me away, so choose wiselyâ you continued and waited for his answer.
He continued to stay silent.
So be it.
You got up and started to leave his office.
âStop, please. Iâm sorry. Stay. Yes. Letâs talkâ he said as he grabbed your hand and pulled you back, closer to him.
âIâm going to make this simple. Joshua talked to me yesterday. He told me you said I rejected you. You really need to start listening to what I say, Jeonghan. I didnât reject you or your feelings. What I told you was that I did not want to go back to being fuck buddies. I wanted more for us. But you didnât let me say that. You just got up and left with an assumption that I was rejecting youâ you said and you could see the cogs starting to turn in his brain. He was realizing he had fucked up yet again.
âAnd because I was confused and didnât understand why you left the way you did, I reached out to you. I wanted to talk it over before I left. I wanted to make everything clear between us and you ignored me again. I waited for you in my home and you didnât even text back. That really fucking hurtâ you continued and you started to cry now.
âYou know that weekend I had already been given a choice to either stay there or come back here. After what happened with us, after you broke my heart again, I almost stayed there. But I chose to come back because I was always happier here. Whatever was going on with us, I couldnât let that stop me so I came back. And you didnât give a shit. You were the first to leave the meeting and you havenât spoken a word to me in weeksâ
You were getting angrier now. He needed to understand this was his absolute last chance and you were going to make sure you got through to him.
âWhen Shua talked to me yesterday, he said I should try one more time. Telling you everything clearly so that were no more misunderstandings. I didnât want to. I canât be the only one fighting and pushing through the misunderstandings. We canât keep having these misunderstandings. I deserve better than getting hurt all the time because you wonât talk to me. You just run and ignore the issue and break both of our hearts. You need to choose, Jeonghan. Either you start taking responsibility and we start a mature relationship where we talk to each other about everything that is bothering us or maybe, if you donât think itâs worth it or youâre not strong enough, we just end everything now. Completely. Weâll be nothing more than coworkersâ
This was it.Â
You were done.
He had all the information he needed to make his choice.Â
No more ambiguity, no more uncertainty. He needed to choose to either fight for your relationship and stop being scared or let you go.
âYou donât have to answer me right now but--â
He stopped you from talking by kissing you.Â
His hands were holding your face as he kissed you and you kissed him right back.
You missed him so much. He was such an asshole for torturing you both.
He backed you both up against the back wall of his office and he kept kissing you hard.Â
You stayed like that for a while. Until your phone started to ring in your pocket.
It was Hoshi. He probably couldnât find you and he needed you.Â
âI need to goâ you whispered against his lips and he kissed you again.
You started laughing.
âSeriously, I have to go. Thatâs a yes on the relationship then?â you asked, still holding him.
âFuck yes, absolutely. I will never let you down again, thatâs a fucking promise, angelâ
âIt better be. Letâs take it slow, yeah? I know thatâs a bit of a clichĂ© but I want us to start fresh. Going on dates, getting to know each other. Since weâre both hopeless romantics after allâ you said and you both smiled.
âAnything you want, angelâ
You left his office and met with Hoshi who was freaking out about something Seungkwan had said. These two will drive you insane but nothing matters right now. All you can think about is Jeonghan. You wondered how things were going to progress between you two from now on.
After a few weeks, you and Jeonghan were doing great. He started by leaving you coffee on your desk every morning with a note and he always checked on you during the day. You had lunch together every day (with your teams but still) and he took you out on dates almost every day.Â
It may have been too much for some people but you wanted to spend as much time with him as possible and he felt the same. You had dinner together almost every day and you spent the weekends together. You had gone to amusement parks, gone on hikes, you had picnics by the river and so many other good things.Â
You were slowly getting to know each other and your feelings for him were growing more and more every day. You hoped he felt the same way.Â
You had been honest with each other about everything. You told him you needed him to put a stop to Hana following him around and being all over him. It made you uncomfortable and he agreed that was a door he needed to close permanently for both of you but also for Hanaâs sake. So she could move on. He always talked to you every time he felt insecure or scared and you helped him through it. Your dynamic stayed the same. Always challenging each other and being snarky but you both loved it that way.
You had even met each othersâ families already. It was funny watching your families react to you and him dating. You both talked so much shit about each other to your families that everyone was confused when you told them. His sister seemed to be the only one that knew this was exactly how you and him were going to end up.
There were a few things you havenât done so far. You havenât told anyone in the office, well except Shua and Seungcheol. And, you havenât slept together yet. It just didnât happen. You had been so focused on doing things right and getting to know him that that part hadnât really been on your mind too much. You already knew that side of him and sure, you missed it but you didnât want to rush anything. He seemed to feel the same way since he hadnât made any moves towards that at all. You also havenât told each other those three words. You wanted to. You knew you loved him. It was clear. It had been clear for a while but you were still scared about that. He hasnât said them either which has surprised you so far but you understand. Heâs probably just as scared as you are.
Next Friday was the regularly scheduled end of quarter party at your company. It was at the usual place, at the usual time and you wanted to be able to enjoy it with Jeonghan but the office still doesnât know so you decided to ask him about it.
You went to his office during the day and brought it up.
âI was thinking⊠Maybe we can tell people⊠In the office⊠I wanted to go with you to the party and I canât do that if we keep hiding thisâŠâ
âI would like that very much. Iâve wanted to do that since day one, angelâ
You smiled and kissed him.
He pulled you closer to stand between his legs and you made a bolder move and straddled him on his desk chair while you kept kissing.
He pulled away from you and held your face with his hands. You moved to kiss him again and he laughed and stopped you.
âHey⊠Look at me, angelâŠâÂ
You stared into his eyes deeply.
âI love you, Y/Nâ he said and he gulped. He was nervous. It was the cutest thing youâve ever seen in your fucking life. You smiled hard.
âI love you too, Jeonghanâ
He smiled just as hard as you and he started to kiss you again. Hard. One of his hands had now moved to your ass and he was pushing you on his cock. He was hard. You telling him you loved him back got him hard. That was fucking hot.
Your kiss started to get more and more heated but neither of you could stop. Not now knowing that you loved each other. Finally hearing it from each others lips was the last straw and you got reminded of how much you missed fucking him. You could feel how desperate he was for you too and you both just couldnât stop what was happening, neither did you want to.
âY/N, we need your approval on this. Can you--â
Hoshi and your team barged into Jeonghanâs office and you jumped away from Jeonghan so fast. But not fast enough. Jeonghan started laughing and moving his chair towards his desk to cover his very prominent boner.
You were all silent. Hoshi, Seokmin and Seungkwan looked horrified while Clara and Sunny were smirking behind them.
âHey, whatâs going on? Why is everyone just standing here?â Joshua asked as he walked by Jeonghanâs office and saw the crowd.
He looked into the office and immediately realized you two had been caught red-handed.Â
âOh⊠You should really lock your doors, guysâ he said as he laughed and Jeonghan laughed with him. You affectionately slapped his shoulder for him to stop.
âI need to go wash my eyesâ Hoshi said but didnât move.
âI knew it! I mean I didnât know it but very nice, Y/N. We have to talkâ Clara added and Sunny laughed and nodded.
You rolled your eyes and smiled.
âThis isnât how I wanted you to find out. We were actually going to tell you about it todayâ you said.
âBefore or after you defiled his office?â Seokmin asked you and everyone laughed.
âDefinitely afterâ Jeonghan answered and you were ready to kick his ass.
âCome on, letâs get back to work. We can talk about it laterâ you said and started to leave. You gestured at your team to follow you.
âOh weâre talking now, screw workâ Sunny said and everyone agreed.
âThis is why I didnât tell you soonerâ you added and they all laughed.
You told them the truth about everything with you and Jeonghan. Except what Clara and Sunny wanted to know. That, you didnât say shit about. They were not happy about it.Â
Nothing changed from then on out. Everyone knew but it didnât change any dynamic. Just some added jokes about you two angry fucking each other after your usual disagreements at interdepartmental meetings.Â
You also informed HR about your relationship and followed all the right steps. Soon enough, everyone at the office knew. Most people were surprised but nice about it. There were a few that were angry and doing their best to ruin your relationship either by creating rumors or trying to get in between you two. Hana and Jackson. Jackson was being an asshole but he wasnât pushing anyones boundaries or creating issues. Hana on the other hand, was trying her best to ruin this for you two.
She started rumors about him still fucking her. She constantly tried to touch him and follow him around. It was frustrating but all you could do was report her to HR and move on. It had only been a few days but she was working hard trying to break you two up. It didnât matter. You trusted Jeonghan and he always stopped her and her rumors whenever he heard them. You two agreed she would eventually stop. This was still fresh to everyone and she needed to get it out of her system.Â
You and Jeonghan were really good now and nothing she could do would change that.
Friday came fast and you were excited. This quarter was a rollercoaster but you were happy to be back here at this branch with the people you loved, in your home that you loved so much as well.
Jeonghan joined you and Clara in the Uber and you met up with everyone there.
You sat at the same table you had last time, with the same people, but so much has changed.Â
This time around, you were in love with the one you claimed to hate before. You were here with him and you were going to enjoy this completely.Â
Everyone was drinking and having fun. Dinner and the awards started and it was just as fun as you remembered. You had gone to a few end of quarter parties at the other branch and you never had this much fun. This was the best. This was where you belonged. With these people. With this team. With him. You were so happy right now, words couldnât begin to explain it.
The awards had just ended and they were getting ready for the DJ set to start and you decided to get a refill on your drink.Â
When you came back to the table, Jeonghan wasnât there. You checked your phone just in case and he had texted you.
âJoin me. You know whereâ
You smiled and got up to go meet Jeonghan in the room you first started this whole thing in.
You walked in and locked the door behind you.
Jeonghan was sitting on the sofa by the window that you sat on last time. He was in the dark again, just like last time.Â
You walked towards him and sat down on the opposite end of the sofa, looking out the window.
He looked at you and you smiled still staring at the window.
âGetting sentimental, baby?â you asked, still looking out the window.
âHopeless romantic. Remember, angel?â he asked and you laughed.
You looked at him and you stayed there looking at each other silently for a while until he sat up.
âCome closer, angel. Youâre too far away from meâ
You moved closer to him. As close as you could. He pushed your hair behind your ear and kissed you. Softly. Like he was scared you were going to break. This felt different. He was trying to show you in actions how he felt about you. You kissed him back and held his free hand in yours.
He started to deepen the kiss and you let him.Â
You moved to lay down and pulled him with you.Â
He was on top of you kissing you and you locked your legs around his waist.Â
You were already wet and he was hard. It had been too long since you had been together like this. You were being desperate for him and you knew he felt the same.
You reached down and started stroking his cock through his clothes and he whined.
âDonât play with me, angelâ he told you as he stopped kissing you.
You continued to stroke him through his clothes and he was panting and moaning into your mouth. You bit your lip. He was so sexy. You were losing your mind.
He pulled your hand away from his cock and pushed your dress up your body.Â
Jeonghan took your panties off and put them in his jacket pocket. From his other jacked pocket, he took out a condom and threw his jacket on the floor.Â
He moved down and kissed your thighs and your mound. Close to where you wanted him but not quite there. After a while of this, he started to leave bruises on your thighs. Fuck, you were wetter and wetter.
âI can see you clenching around nothing, angel. Are you that desperate for me?â
âYes⊠Hannie, please⊠No more waitingâŠâ you told him breathlessly.
âFuckâŠâ
He got up from the sofa and took his pants and underwear off. He moved back to the sofa and started fingering you slowly. He kept kissing your neck and all you did was moan and run your hands through his hair. He started scissoring his fingers inside you. He was impatient and you both knew it had been a while. He wanted to be inside you now and he needed to make sure he wasnât going to hurt you.
âI love youâ you moaned.
He stopped kissing your neck and kissed your lips deeply again. More forceful this time around.
He pulled away.
âI love you too, Y/NâÂ
He put the condom on and started to tease your hole with his cock.
You whined.
âI donât want to hurt you, angel. Itâs been a while. Let me know if itâs too much, yeah?â
âJust get inside me, please⊠Youâre driving me crazy, Hannieâ
âWill you be a good angel for me then?âÂ
âAlwaysâ you moaned and he pushed the head of his cock inside of you.Â
He was going slow. Rubbing circles on your clit, kissing you and with every stroke he pushed more of his cock inside you.
You started getting louder as he got deeper inside you.
âNot gonna gag me this time?â you asked and he laughed.
He moved closer to your lips.
âLet them hear itâ he whispered and you both laughed together.
You pulled him down for a kiss and he pushed his cock all the way in until he bottomed out. You were moaning together against each other's lips.
After a few seconds, he started his pace.
Short, deep strokes, hitting the right spot. He knew your body so well. He still remembered exactly what to do to drive you crazy.Â
You were both loud. Moaning and panting. Not giving a shit about anyone outside of that room.
He grabbed one of your hands and interlaced it with his.
He kept fucking you hard and whispering how much he loved you. You whispered and moaned it back to him.
You were both close and you knew it.
He increased the pace of his fingers on your clit and increased the pace of his strokes as well.Â
You started squeezing his cock and you could feel yourself closer and closer.
Jeonghan squeezed your hand and moved to whisper in your ear.
He told you he loved you but when he said he would never let you go again, it pushed you over the edge and you came. Hard. It felt different this time. More tangible. Stronger.Â
When you came down from your high, his strokes were slower and he was looking in your eyes.Â
You pulled him in to lay on top of you and held him impossibly close.
Much like he did to you, you whispered in his ear and told him how much you loved him. That you wanted to be in his arms forever. And he emptied himself into the condom with a moan of your name.
This time around you laid there together. Just holding each other.
There was no rush. No weirdness. Just two people that loved each other and had finally found their way back to each other.
You didnât know what was going to happen in the future.Â
You knew it wasnât going to be easy. Nothing ever is with Jeonghan. But it certainly is worth it.
As you lay there with him you start thinking about the day you left.Â
About how you thought you were both just passing through each other's lives.Â
 At that time it seemed that way.
He was just a boy creating chaos in your life for a while and you were just a girl that left and used your career as an excuse.
Now you know how wrong you were. How sad and miserable your life would have been without him in it. Without him with you. Just like this. Every day.
You know that from now on, you werenât just another person passing through each otherâs lives. You were everything in each otherâs lives. You were both where you belonged.
With each other. Always together, and never to be apart again.
ITâS FINALLY HERE AND ITâS A MONSTER AGAIN Another rollercoaster of emotions đ I hope you love this as much as I loved writing it đ As usual, please let me know in the comments and such if you enjoyed reading it <3Â Thank you for supporting me! Happy holidays! đ CHEERS đ„
Taglist (if you requested specifically): @woofie-nctzen-fanarts, @lovrchl, @lockburn-castle, @luchiet, @deeznutzaintnutting, @cheesytangerine, @avocifera, @odetoyeonjun, @listxn, @gyubbgist, @cvpidxo, @leicy0756, @sunflowergyeomie, @whore4stucky9104, @bangtanskz, @cecefarm, @staurdvst, @haahydvhkmhhn, @tsukkisdoll, @miniseokminnies, @namjinsworld
#jeonghan smut#yoon jeonghan smut#jeonghan#jeonghan fic#yoon jeonghan fic#yoon jeonghan#seventeen smut#svt smut#svt#seventeen#seventeen fic#svt fic#jeonghan fluff#yoon jeonghan fluff#jeonghan x you#yoon jeonghan x you#seventeen x you#svt x you#jeonghan x reader#yoon jeonghan x reader#seventeen x reader#svt x reader#vee's writings
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Freak â L. Heeseung
â đ â đ Pairing: Nerd!Heeseung (Evan) x AFAB!Reader
â đ â đ Synopsis: Youâve heard a rumour about the university freak, but is he a freak when all he ever do is just existing? Well, maybe he is. In another term.
â đ â đ Content warning: Heeseung as Evan. Nerd and shy Hee, afab readear, mention of bullying a bit (Heeseung or Evan being called freak and people not really befriending him), smut, unprotected sex, p in v, fingering, cream pie, slow porn plotting and weird details, mild choking, name calling (doll, princess, good girl, slut). Let me know if I miss any.
â đ â đ Word count: 4k
â đ â đ Okay, this is obviously my very first post here and itâs a special one cause I write this for my best friend, my baby sister. She asked for this so I hope I wonât disappoint her. Pardon me and my typos or grammatical error too, not beta read yet and English is not my first language. Happiest birthday, A! We all love you so much. May your days get even better after this. XOXO.
© deepblue for the pic. | Minors do not interact.
You have often heard whispers about a âfreakâ on your campus, but the identity of this figure remained elusive amidst the sea of eccentric individuals inhabiting this quaint little community. It wasnât until a group project assignment from your professor that you were thrust into an unexpected partnership with a certain Evan.
âWow, heâs utterly heartless! How could he match you with a freak?â your closest friends exclaimed, perplexed by the professorâs choice.
âA freak?â you queried, raising an inquisitive brow at your friendâs assertion.
âYes, a freak. Evan is infamous for his weirdness,â your friend continued. "Just observe his attire! Exceptionally dated with thick-rimmed glasses framing his face. And letâs not forget his near-silent demeanor! He rarely engages with anyone!â she elucidated, noting the perplexity on your face.
Was that enough justification for everyone to label Evan as a freak? Whoâs to say that the man isnât simply reserved? Or perhaps he struggles with mental health issues that remain enigmatic to others? You found the rumor weird instead.
âPerhaps heâs just shy. Thatâs all," you attempted to brush off your friendâs remarks, bidding farewell politely and veering towards a different corridor.
Your destination was to seek out Evan. Absent from the class for undisclosed reasons, your intuition guided you to the library, rumored to be the sanctuary for the misfits and intellectuals alike.
âHi⊠you are Evan, right?â you ventured, addressing the figure that resembled your friendâs description. Clad in an old fashioned clothes â an oversized woolen sweater paired with threadbare denims, complemented by circular spectacles framing his slender frame.
Your outstretched hand hesitated momentarily as Evan stood frozen in place, a bewildered and startled expression etched across his features. His eyes widened in disbelief. âOh, Iâm sorry. I am (Y/N). We were meant to attend the same class earlier, yet you were absent. Our professor assigned us a collaborative project. I propose we talk about AI and its impact on artists. Though it may sound clichĂ©, the subject matter is currently hot and widely discussed, right?â
Evanâs ears rang with a deafening silence that drowned out your words, his body tensed in an icy grip. His gaze remained fixed upon your countenance, a figure that had often pervaded his reveries with its ethereal allure.
âYeah, hot and widely discussed,â he echoed, not in concurrence but to describe the allure you exuded. Hot. Sexy and attractive. Unbeknownst to you, Evanâs subconscious prompted him to discreetly graze his inner cheek, restraining a stray droplet of saliva.
âGreat! Letâs meet at Cafe XX this afternoon since we agreed on our projectâs topic then!" you said â or rather, not realizing what the man in front of you was thinking. You reached into your bag for a moment and handed him your card, âMy number is written here. Call me if you need anything!â
Accepting the card timidly, Evan nodded meekly, he didnât want you to think he looked stupid.
âBye, Evan!â you waved a final farewell, departing the libraryâs confines.
Evan held the business card you gave him. Y/N. Y/F/N. He brought the card closer to his nose and breathed in your lingering scent. Sweet.
You were supposed to meet with Evan this afternoon as per your agreement, but suddenly, a heavy rain shower engulfed the earth without any warning. The sky, previously serene, now bore the burden of heavy rain, casting a pall of uncertainty over the horizon and your heart.
The task needed to be completed within a week, yet you found yourself a day behind the seven-day deadline. You nervously nibbled on your nails, not truly biting, just place the tips of your teeth to your finger. A hint of worry lingered. With one hand holding your phone, you messaged Evan.
You: It seems like we can't work on the task right now. The rain is pouring heavily here. How about tomorrow?
Evan: Oh⊠Evan: Don't worry. Evan: I can come to your place.
You: My place?
Evan: Don't get me wrong. Evan: I know you can't go out now, so let me. I don't mind the rain. Evan: I mean for us to finish the task quickly.
You: Okay. You: Here's my address. Just come up to the second floor. It's the farthest room. Knock when you arrive.
You breathed a sigh of relief. Evanâs idea wasnât so bad. If you could finalize the concept today, the next six days wouldnât pose any problem at all.
YY Street. Heeseung was familiar with the address you had sent. No, do not accuse him of being a stalker! He had never stalked anyone. He just happened to have seen you on that street, entering a three-story building.
Heeseung couldnât fathom where all the sudden courage had come from that led him to offer the idea of coming to your place. It seemed like he had gone mad; you were driving him further into madness. An anxious restlessness consumed him as he made his way towards your place.
Nothing strange would happen. Yes, nothing would happen.
Repeatedly reassuring himself with those words like mantra, he suddenly found himself standing in front of the building where you lived. The taxi he had ordered departed a minute ago. His feet felt heavy, stepping one by one like a fool.
His hand timidly knocked on the door after successfully passing through the lobby guarded by a vigilant security, which only added to his nervousness. It felt akin to meeting a stern future in-law.
He could hear you shouting from inside, not too loudly, before the brown door creaked open slightly, revealing you peering out.
âHey, Evan!â you greeted him cheerfully, opening the door wider and welcoming him inside.
Nothing strange would happen. Yes, nothing would happen.
Evan followed behind you like a duckling, then opted to sit on the floor instead of the sofa, perhaps because it was closer to the table. You offered him a drink, and in his shy manner, he left the choice to you. So, you made him a cup of hot chocolate. He must have been cold from braving the rain. Afterwards, you sat by his side, unaware of the palpable tension in his breath.
One hour. Two hours. Five hours passed by quickly for you. Evan was undeniably a shy man. He didnât speak much, and when he tried, his voice came out squeaky and timid. Unconsciously, you giggled along with your cup of hot chocolate. He was adorable. The rumors about him were truly unfounded.
Oh, at least, thatâs what you thought until you realized that the rain showed no signs of subsiding. In fact, it intensified, and you noticed that your room heater wasnât working properly. You should have complained to the management and requested a maintenance visit. The chilly night air seeping in through the window crevices began to make you shiver. The crop top you wore clearly wasnât helping, but you felt too lazy to change into warmer clothing, especially with a guest present.
Evan glanced in your direction as you hugged yourself, arms crossed and rubbing your sides. Summoning his courage once more, he asked, âAre you cold?â
Your head automatically turned towards him, lips rounding briefly after hearing Evanâs question. His voice didnât waver like before. You simply nodded. The rain persisted, the room heater wasnât functioning properly, and your attire wasnât providing much warmth. Of course, you were cold.
Approaching you, not too closely, he reached for your hand, his much larger hand enveloping yours. You jumped in surprise but allowed him to hold your hand. You were confident he had good intentions, right?
For a few minutes, everything was quiet, but his hand continued to grip yours and stroke it, providing warmth.
His earnest and genuine demeanor touched you, although it was just a simple gesture. Unconsciously, you leaned in, closing the gap between you. He averted his gaze, now looking at you as if asking if you needed something. In a shy gesture, you unexpectedly kissed his cheek.
He froze, you froze. After a soft exhale, you said, âUm⊠thank you? Youâre so sweet. I couldnât resist, sorry.â
For a moment, he opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water, âThank you?â was all that came out. You nodded.
âBecause you helped me feel warmer,â you explained with a smile. He looked down, his ears turning red, a sign of his embarrassment.
âI can help you feel warmer if you want,â Evan offered in a very soft voice, almost inaudible if you werenât the only two present in the room. If you hadnât been paying attention or if you hadnât been unconsciously focused on him all this time.
âHow would you warm me up?â you inquired, prompting him to lift his head again. His round eyes sparkled in the light, truly endearing. It was as if he was questioning you and seeking permission. You nodded faintly.
Still with his hands clasped together, Evan cut the distance between you before one hand came under your chin; bringing you into a small kiss. He kissed your lips, then opened his eyes to reveal his round eyes again. Seeing no resistance from you, he continued. Sucking your lips, kissing them gently before his tongue taps your row of teethâasking permission to enter. You were happy to welcome his tongue, buying it with yours. Fight for dominance for a while until you finally give in. He explores your entire oral cavity. Then you take more until your saliva drips down, until you run out of breath and slap his chest slowly. Thatâs when he broke the kiss. But it didnât stop there, he didnât let you breathe properly because next, he placed small kisses on the side of your jaw, then down to your neck. Giving you the same small kisses but with fewer sucks and nibbles, you couldnât help but moan. Damn, heâs really good.
He enjoys every inch of your body, not leaving a single inch without being gently touched. Then, he took you onto his lap. His arms are wrapped intimately around your waist while he himself is busy giving licks to your nipples which are starting to perk up because of the cold air and of course because of arousal. He moved his tongue up and down, not finding the fibers of the clothes still wrapped around your body bothering. He only lifted your crop top a little afterward to do the same to the other nipple. This continues until he feels satisfied licking and sucking your nipples. His other hand suddenly slipped into the mini skirt you were wearing, rubbing your thigh gently but moving upwards. Getting closer to the center of your body. Playing with the hem of your panties, moving to the middle and pressing your lips. He could feel the cotton cloth was wet, he smiled crookedly.
You couldnât open your eyes properly, not with all Evanâs touches everywhere. When you opened your eyes, it was clear that he was looking at you, writhing in amusement. With a charming smile. He would definitely look better without glasses, you thought. Taking off the glasses that framed his face. Choked up when you saw that his face was even more handsome like this, up close. You moved forward, taking him into a deep, hot kiss as you moved back and forth. Grinding on his thighs.
âSlow down, doll. The night is still young,â he insited while restraining your movements by locking your waist. âI will make sure you are ready first, okay?â he continued the activities that were previously disrupted.
This time he didnât just rub the outside of your underwear but forced his way inside. Play with your clitoris before inserting a finger. Your eyes rolled, a suppressed moan finally coming out. Tears almost coming out.
âHurts...â you moaned softly, he stroked your hair gently. Trying to calm you down.
âShhhh... itâs going to hurt more if I donât do this, you know it well, princess.â thatâs what happened before he moved his fingers forward and back, slowly, slowly and then faster with each passing second. He also added two more fingers into your vagina, making scissor-like movements to prepare you. This continues until the walls of your vagina, which at first were very tight and sucked his fingers, making him wince and think about what would happen if he entered you directly, finally twitch.
âI'm close!â you squealed.
âTake it out, doll. Be a good girl and let it out for me.â he murmurs, still continuing to pound your pussy rapidly with his slender fingers. Not long after, the white liquid came out, soaking your panties which werenât completely removed as well as Evanâs pants which he was still wearing.
With a satisfied smile, Evan pulled out his fingers from your twisted love tunnel, causing you to whimper with the loss of stimulation. You were drenched in your juices and the scent was intoxicating. He cleaned your thighs with a quick sweep of his thumb, savoring the taste before licking it off.
âGood girl,â he praised affectionately while maintaining eye contact, pushing the hair off your face. He leaned in, giving you another sensual, lust-filled kiss, and then positioned his thick, pulsating cock at your entrance.
The hand that had previously clutching your nape now slid up to cup your cheek. He pushed your panties aside and lower his pants. With a practiced ease, he then forced into you with a slick pop, your walls encircling his member. There was a moment of breathlessness, your eyes locking as he began to move within. In and out, filling you with each stroke as your legs gripped him, keeping him close.
The rhythm steadily built, a counterpoint to your growing sounds of delight. Your nails raked at his shoulders, leaving red trails as you clung to him. Then, the pressure within you seemed to reach the breaking point, a build-up of a storm threatening to burst.
Gasping for breath, you cried out, âEvan, Iâm going to⊠Iâm going to...â
Evan responded by increasing the pace, pounding into you mercilessly, his own climax beckoning. âCum for me, doll,â he growled raggedly, the provocative words adding fuel to the fire that burned within.
The storm broke, the walls of yours being constricted violently, your orgasm crashing through. Keened, your nails digging into his skin, body bucking wildly matched his frenzied tempo, giving everything you had. The sheets beneath began to move, twisted and tangled as you chased the pinnacle of pleasure.
With a deep groan, he stiffened, his own culmination arrived, bathing both of you in his hot seed. He remained inside, holding you tightly as he rode the aftershocks.
Evan suddenly flipped you, making your hair spilling across the bed in a disheveled mess. He pulled out of you slowly, leaving you slick and wanting. As he did, you shifted, your hips still twitching with the lingering sensation of pleasure.
âDonât be such a greedy slut, stop moving! Iâm not done yet,â Evan warned you in a husky voice you never thought would heard before. He gripped your neck, not tight enough to cut off air but close enough to make you aware of his grip. It was a stark contrast to the tender moments, but his desire for control and intimacy was intertwined.
You shivered, your heart racing with a mix of fear and excitement. You nodded, indicating your consent. Evan shifted behind you, positioning himself at you entrance once more. âReady for more, princess?â He murmured, his breath hot against your ear.
You moaned her response, your body aching for the promised fulfillment. Evan thrust back into you, his grip on your neck steady and firm. The dual sensation of the tight hold and his penetration built a crescendo of arousal within your again. Your mind swam in a hazy mix of trust, risk, and lust.
His movements were rougher this time, the echo of their sounds in the bedroom sharp and animalistic. Evanâs grunts filled the room, mingling with your whimpers and moans, punctuated by the sound of flesh meeting flesh.
You clawed at the bed, nails leaving crescent marks in desperation to find purchase. The friction of his sinful length against your inner walls whipped you closer.
âEvan... Iâm close... again,â you gasped, feeling him swell inside. Evan pounded into you even relentlessly, his thrusts unyielding as he guided you to the edge. In a final surge, his release tore through, spilling into you once more.
He then pulled you into his arms after, both of you sprawled on the rumpled sheets. His fingers tangled in your hair, rubbing the tension from your scalp.
You cradled against him, your body still shivering from the intensity of the lovemaking. âYou did a great job, princess,â Evan cooed, tugging the strands of your hair playfully, a small smile forming on his lips. He kissed your temple repeatedly as if saying sorry for the brief rude moment before.
Well, maybe your friend was right. He is indeed a freak. But in different term, only for you to notice.
#enhypen smut#heeseung smut#heeseung#smut#x reader#fem reader#one shot#idk what im doing#idk how to tag this#idk what im talking about#sorry#anyways#happy birthday#sister#lee heeseung
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blue current.
clark kent x male reader headcanons.
warnings: fluff, co-workers at the daily planet, maws!clark, soft!clark, intern!reader.
a/n: it's been a hot minute since i've written anything! i feel so bad because i've been swamped with school, so hopefully this will hold you guys over until i post my next fic! it's not much, but i've been feeling fluffy as of recent, and clark is the perfect candidate, HAHA. idk, i've been feeing low-key creatively stuck for writing, so hopefully this well get me out of the slump!
âclark was smitten from the moment he first laid eyes on you.
âit had only been the fourth month into his internship, but it was no secret that the higher-ups, and even his colleagues, have been impressed by clark's rapid growth.
âit was enough to ensure their trust in clark to train the new intern as the lead journalist had taken a month off for vacation. while he had his doubts if he would do a good job, clark always loved challenging himself.
âhis mother had always reminded him: one who feared failure will never achieve greatness.
âsure, you weren't being mentored by the best journalist in the city. though, you had to admit that you felt defeated since miss lane was the only reason why you chose the daily planet over other internships.
âbut bitterness turned to throat-drying, cheek-flushing, and hand-flexing sweetness when you came in your first day and met the man who would be training you.
âfor clark, it was the drowsiness in your gaze that suddenly brightened when he met your eyes. if he could have seen his own face, clark would reckon that his eyes lit up the same way yours did upon meeting you for the first time.
âhe's so... handsome. maybe training him wouldn't be so bad after all...
âhis blue eyes sucked you in like heavy ocean current, but instead of fighting back the pull like any sane person would, you allowed him to drown you in the gorgeous wash his gaze doted on you with.
âgod, are you toying with me right now? have you finally come around to my reckless behavior back in high school? i knew you always would!
âit began with a handshake. when clark's large hand cupped into yours, a current of sparks flickered from the bone of your knuckles to his own, and you both released with a gasp.
â"sorry! it must be my vest or somethingâhas a lot of... cotton, i thinkâ" clark assured with a laugh, but cursed his lame excuse in between breaths.
â"no, you're fine! i guess your sweater vest knew i was half-asleep, huh?" you laughed with him, and almost as if it was choreographed, you reached back to rub at your nape when he does, and the discomfort left the collective laughter in a fleeting dance.
â"well, lucky for you, our first stop is the break room! i'll show you how to make a poor man's mocha if you get sick of the coffee here!"
âfrom then on, you two had quickly become close friends.
âwhere clark would teach you more hacks to spice up an ordinary roast of coffee, you would return the favor by surprising him on random days with lunch that you prepared the night before.
âon nights where you were too tired to function, you simply settled for sandwiches and prepared an extra meal for clark.
âwhether he claimed he forgot his lunch, or was too busy to even take a glance at his lunchbox; eating lunch had become a rarity for him.
âunless it was with you.
âeven before opening the brown paper bag, clark knew it was going to be delicious.
âyou always remembered what ingredients he liked and disliked since the first time you had lunch with him.
âclark smiled to himself as he ate the meal you didn't have to prepare for him in big bites.
âand then laughed when you watched in amazement and mirrored him like a parrot with messy bites.
âsomehow, the thought of cared for was more filling than the actual meal.
âin moments where clark suddenly felt guilt for liking you as more than a friend, he sat silently, staring blankly ahead, with the tissue crumpled in his hands.
âand you sat beside him on the bench, compelled by his silence, while the birds watched from their home of oak and birch.
âit had been happening more frequently: clark's sudden mood shift. no matter how much he tried to deny it, how much he attempted to pacify your silent worries with his handsome smile, it was clear that something was bothering him.
âat first, you tried to break him with a joke.
â"geez, was my sandwich that bad?! i guess i shouldn't have used that expired mustard..."
âyou've studied clark enough to anticipate a half-hearted chuckle from him; weak, but still had the intention to please. to masquerade his thoughts.
âinstead, the birds chirped in his absence, and your frown only deepened as clark maintained a fixed gaze to the pavement.
â"clark?" you nudged him once on the arm, and he immediately dropped his head in between his legs with a heavy sigh.
â"what's wrong?"
â"there'ssomethingigottatellyou..." he muttered into the crook of his elbow, and your brows knitted together in worry, despite your amusement at the fact that he was behaving similarly to a puppy throwing a tantrum.
â"huh? didn't quite catch that when your mouth is full of linen." you gently nudged him once more to vacant the space between his legs, then another with a gentler squeeze to his arm when he doesn't.
â"clark, come on. talk to me." you squeezed harder to the sound of his groans. "people are staringâ"
âthen another squeeze.
â"there's something..."
âand another.
â"i gotta tell you..."
âand before you could alert him once more, clark returned the pressure into your own palm when he suddenly took your hand into his, and held it as if it was a pirate's lost treasure.
âthe warmth of your skin compelled him to sit back up, but he refused to look at you. instead, he gazed every perimeter that didn't involve your eyes.
âthe birds again, the sky, the trees, anything to drown out the sight of potential rejection.
âbut how you wished he would turn to you right now, because you smiled. wide enough to sting the apple of your cheeks, and as much as you wanted to yell out his name for him to do so, you wanted to let clark do it for himself.
âto take upon the challenge of potentially meeting failure or success.
âheat crept onto his cheeks as he stared at a couple who were charmed by chubby ducks floating on the nearby lake. for a brief moment, he could see you two walking hand-in-hand, while the other free hand threw feed at the eager ducks.
âhe was lost in his imagination. a blink turned into a dream, and a dream turned into a desperate paradise.
âit wasn't until the trail of your hand that looped your fingers into his, tightly sharing the warmth of anxiousness with a sticky clamp, that clark opened his eyes again and finally turned to you.
âwet eyes and shaking blues, they told a story that you didn't need to read into.
âsilence filled the space between the two of you, then groaned in annoyance when you scooted closer until your knee was pressed to clark's. you folded his hand into yours, still clutching onto him tightly, and laid the joined affection on your lap.
â"i like you too, smallville." your thumb ran several laps over his knuckles to calm the tremors clark had possessed.
âhe watched, open-mouthed as if he was about to respond, but the shock trapped the remainder of his words within his throat.
âyou lounged back and squinted at the radiance of the sun, the brights of the sky.
â"(m/n)..."
âthe sunlight faded into the background as the beauty of your best friend came into frame once again. he absorbed all the color and light of the world until your focus was on him.
â"i really like you."
âthe sigh on his lips told a different tale compared to the previous exhales. it curled his lips upwards and finally pacified the shakes that had been bothering clark for months.
âwhen he pressed his palm back into yours, folding his fingers over your own, you braced for impact as you felt the electrical current from the first day you met him return in stronger pulses. it nipped at your skin, then at clark's, in its desperate escape.
âbut clark held tighter, as did you, until the shockwaves melted in his skin, into his veins, then into his blood, and became one with the victorious cheer of his heart.
© nouearth. please do not repost, plagiarize, or translate my works. and if you like this story, please reblog and leave a like! feedback is also much appreciated!
#clark kent x reader#clark kent x male reader#clark kent x you#clark kent imagine#clark kent headcanon#clark kent fanfic#nou.fics
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Cute When You're Jealous
SUMMARY: Glen misses out on an event the two of you had planned to go to together. So a friend takes you instead, but it leaves Glen feeling a little jealous.
PAIRING: Glen Powell x Reader
A/N: Thanks to the Anon who sent this request in! I tried to do something a little different with it and make Glen the jealous one instead of the reader. I hope you like it!
PROMPT: "You're really cute when you're jealous."
WARNINGS/TAGS: None. Just Fluff.
WORD COUNT: 850
TAG LIST: SEE COMMENTS
If you would like to be added to any of my Tag Lists please feel free to comment, send an ask, or send a DM and I'll be happy to get you added! Below are the fandoms I currently write for.
Glen Powell (himself and the characters he's played)
Top Gun: Maverick (Hangman, Rooster, possibly others soon)
Marvel / MCU (Bucky Barnes as of now, but possibly others soon)
WWE / Wrestling
The two of you are stretched out across Glenâs couch, perfectly tangled together after the few days he was away. One of your legs is draped comfortably over his thigh, and youâre curled into his side, with your arm resting across his stomach. Heâs got one arm wrapped firmly around your waist, his other hand resting over your forearm. His fingers are tracing light, soothing patterns up and down your skinâa touch that feels both intimate and grounding.
You smile up at him as you begin telling him about the Jurassic Park screening, the one he had wanted to take you to. Heâs watching you closely at first, but as you start talking about the details of the night, his fingers gradually stop moving. Heâs silent as you describe the T-Rex scene, his hand stilled against your arm, and you notice heâs not looking at you anymore. Instead, his gaze is fixed somewhere down near his feet, and the usual ease in his expression has gone quiet.
âGlen?â you ask softly, studying him. You can feel the slight tension in his shoulders, the subtle way his arm around you has stiffened just a bit. âIs something wrong?â
He blinks, glancing up at you with a sheepish, almost-too-casual smile. âHmm? No, no, Iâm good,â he says, brushing it off with a chuckle. But thereâs a hint of something else in his tone, a little edge of restraint.
You tilt your head, giving him a look that says youâre not buying it for a second. âOkay, try that again. Because I know you, babe. Somethingâs definitely up.â
He tries to wave it away, running a hand through his hair, but he canât fully hide the reluctant smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.Â
âItâs really not a big deal. I just, uhâŠâ He lets out a breath, finally looking back down at you. âI guess I just hate the idea of missing out on things with you. I was the one who planned that night, you know? And here I am, getting scooped up to New York, and then someone else gets to be there with you instead.â
You feel a warmth spread through you, and you give him a reassuring squeeze, your fingers brushing gently over his ribs.Â
âSo youâre saying youâre jealous,â you tease, your voice light, though your heart aches a little for him.
He scoffs, rolling his eyes like the very idea is absurd. âJealous? Of what? That you spent a night quoting some dinosaur movie with Joe? Hardly.â
You raise an eyebrow, unable to hold back a smile as you reach up to brush a stray lock of hair from his forehead. âUh-huh. So, no jealousy at all?â you press gently, catching his gaze and not letting him squirm away this time.Â
He shifts under your gaze, his cheeks tinged with a faint blush.Â
âMaybe just a little,â he admits, reluctantly, his voice barely above a murmur. âNot in a jealous-jealous way. I trust you, and you know Joe and I get along great. I just⊠I donât know. It feels weird when someone else gets that time with you, especially when I want to be the one there with you.â
âYouâre really cute when youâre jealous,â you murmur, leaning up to press a soft kiss to his cheek.
He groans playfully, rolling his eyes even as his smile betrays him.Â
âOh, stop it. I am not cute right now,â he insists, though his arm tightens around your waist, pulling you closer.
But you shake your head, grinning up at him.Â
âNope, you are. And anyway, itâs not the same without you,â you say, laying your head back on his chest. âI had fun, but trust me, Iâd take a cozy movie night with you any day over some big theater experience with anyone else.â
His expression softens, and he shifts his hand up to brush his fingers through your hair.Â
âYou mean that?â he asks, his voice carrying a vulnerable edge you donât often hear.
You nod, meeting his gaze. âAbsolutely. Thereâs nowhere else Iâd rather be right now than right here with you. How about we make up for it and watch Jurassic Park together?â
His face lights up, and he leans down to press a gentle kiss to your lips, letting it linger. When he pulls back, his eyes are warm, his earlier hesitation melting away.Â
âYouâre sure?â he asks, though the grin tugging at his mouth tells you heâs already in.
âPositive. Besides,â you say, snuggling closer to him, âIâm counting on you to give me the full experience, T-Rex roars and all.â
With a chuckle, he reaches for the remote and turns on the movie. His hand returns to your arm, gently running his fingers along it again as the opening credits start to play.Â
He presses another kiss to your forehead, murmuring, âBest movie night ever.â
And as the familiar music fills the room, you can feel the last of his tension ease away, leaving just the two of you, tangled up and exactly where you want to be.
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That Friday Night
Modern!Rockstar!Eddie Munson x Influencer!fem!reader
read part one here
18+ MINORSDNI
cw: alcohol, drugs (weed and cocaine), clubbing, slight Dom!Eddie if you squint, possessive!Eddie, swearing, pet names, oral (fem!receiving), light choking, unprotected sex, penetrative sex, edging, creampie. (let me know if I missed anything)
wc: 4.3k (I'm so sorry)
a/n: First of all, I want to thank every single person who liked, reblogged or made comments about part one. I was shitting myself posting it because (like I said) this is not an original thought. I'd read a few and it gave me this wave of inspiration. I am very proud of this part. It's also a little long (sorry sorry sorry I couldn't stop) . Also I don't think I'll be doing a tag list? When I used to do that no one on the list would like the fic and it was a lot of work. I hope that is okay? Let me know if you want more! I love and appreciate all of you!
...
You werenât the type of person who got shy. Your entire job is being in front of a camera, telling people what you like, what you wear, the type of music you listen to. You did brand deals and went on lots of trips with people you didnât know. Public interaction was easy for you and you definitely enjoyed it.Â
But being personally invited to your favorite band's concert (even if you had tickets already) as their frontman's personal guest? It makes you weak in the knees.Â
Telling your team about the phone call went about as good as one would expect. Anna and Case frown at you while continuing to say âyou couldâve let it go to voicemail and we couldâve handled it directly with his people. AND why did you have him send the information directly to you?â
They weren't necessarily wrong in being upset. There were plenty of ways a conversation like that could be twisted and fucked with, especially if, for whatever reason, someone was recording the phone call. It was very easy for them to manipulate and edit that kind of shit, and drama was the last thing you wanted.Â
However, the rest of the week went by without an issue. The gossip magazines had moved on to something else (though there were a few who continued to speculate about your non-relationship with Eddie. You did your deals, and kept yourself busy. And by the time Friday rolled around you were hardly nervous.Â
Or thatâs what you kept telling yourself.Â
âBell bottom star pants. Absolutely,â Hana says from her place on your bathroom counter, practically in the sink. âWith that black leather top you love AND the red leather jacket. Oh! Oh! Oh! And the red boots!âÂ
You put the outfit on, looking in the mirror, âyou donât think itâs too⊠stereotypical?âÂ
Hana looks at you through the mirror, âno such thing. You look great.âÂ
Hana was one of the few people in your life whoâd tell you like it is. You could trust her to tell you if her gut feelings were off, or on. She was your best friend and one of the few people who werenât just here for the exposure. Sheâs here to be your cheerleader and you were hers.Â
âAlright, let's get this going before I change my mind which I am two seconds away from doing.âÂ
âŠÂ
You shouldâve changed your mind.Â
You can hardly keep from throwing up as you're led by security to a private entrance. To get there you have to pass by their tour buses. All you can hear is loud music and whooping from inside. Itâs clear theyâre running around in there as the bus is rocking and all you can do is pray they donât see you.Â
Youâre far too sober for the interaction youâll be having at this current time.Â
Unfortunately for you, the universe hates you. Just when you think youâre home free, the door opens, almost smacking you in the face.Â
âDonât think you can get away that easy, Asher,â Eddie says as he looks down at you. His pupils are blown wide, clearly from whatever drug heâs consumed. More than likely cocaine and weed. His words arenât slurred so he isnât drunk, though he does have a beer bottle in his large hands.Â
God his hands, there have been many times where youâd imagine them wrapped around your throat, cutting off air as he fucks you like he hates you. You bet he could reach you even as heâs eating you out, heâs so tall and long.Â
You wish you could say the grin you shoot at him is fake, however with the way heâs looking at you, like he wants to devour and smother you, it's not. You feel like a fucking school girl who has a crush. Your heart pounds so fast in your chest and you swear everyone around you can hear it.Â
âWe werenât running away,â you say, voice a little breathier than youâd like. âUm this is my best friend-âÂ
âHana, nice to meet you,â he cuts you off. Itâs then that you see his eyes get wide and you know heâs been stalking your profile. Not that you can say anything because youâve done it⊠a lot. âI, uh, saw the instagram story you put up earlier.âÂ
Hana smirks, âsure you did, big boy.â She pats his chest and is clearly much braver than you. Thatâs another thing about you and her, if one of you is feeling not confident, the other makes up for it. Like, on your own, asking for ketchup feels like cutting off a limb, but if she can't do it then it's up to you and vice versa.Â
Eddie scratches the back of his neck, his black t-shirt stretching over his wide shoulder, âwant to join us? We have alcohol!âÂ
âWe would love that. Wouldnât we?â Hana looks down at you with her brows raised, still taller than you in heels.Â
You nod, âyes. Yeah absolutely! Are we allowed to photograph in here?âÂ
You know itâs a stupid thing to ask, but you also donât want to take a photo of you and Hana and then not be able to post it. And what if you get photos with the rest of the band? Everyone already knows youâre going to be here. Just not⊠in this tour bus.Â
Eddie nods, holding out his hand, âyou are allowed to do whatever you want, pretty girl. And if anyone has an issue, send them my way, yeah?â He kisses the hand youâve placed in his before leading you up the stairs of his bus.Â
It's chaos in there, pure and utter chaos. You turn to look at Hana, silently telling her how insane this is. She nods slightly, but you see the grin on her face. Hana loves this stuff; the parties, the madness, all of it.
Eddie introduces you to the band, pulling you in closer by the waist. âYou all need to be on your best behavior. No one touches her. Do you all understand me?â Your heart flutters at how serious he is and it instantly forces his bandmates eyes to fall to your feet. Itâs impressive, actually.Â
Suddenly, a bottle of beer is in your hands, passed to you by Eddie. âOh⊠thank you.â You can hardly look at him as a small smile forms on your lips. His attention makes you feel all kinds of funny inside, your stomach doing flips. You know you have to look at him eventually, but heâs just so pretty that it actually hurts.Â
âUm, so are you excited for your show?â This time you manage to actually drag your eyes to his. He smiles at you, his teeth so beautiful and perfect. Itâs when he sits down that you realize that was a stupid question. Of course heâs excited. This is his actual job.Â
He leans forward, elbows resting on his knees as he looks up at you through his lashes, you could kiss him. But you donât for obvious reasons. Reasons you can't really think of at the moment. Not when heâs looking at you like that. The beer bottle hangs in his right hand between his legs.Â
âVery. Not much comes close to the feeling I get when weâre on that stage.â He shakes his head, curly hair moving with him, âplus, being able to hear people sing my songs back to me is fucking incredible.âÂ
His hand finds yours, pulling you a little closer. Eddie is testing the waters, you know this. Unfortunately for you, your brain canât see through the cloud of lust. So, you let him pull you closer, sit you on his lap, and wrap an arm around you.Â
Your brain does catch up, quicker than expected. âIt seems like itâd be incredible. I applaud you cause I could never do that. I have stage fright.âÂ
He blinks up at you, âstage fright? Havenât you done red carpet interviews and stuff?âÂ
You shift a little, shrugging, âwell yes. But thatâs different.â You can't stop the awkward laugh that comes out of you. It was true, it was different. You werenât exactly sure why but it was.Â
Eddie's thumb moves along your side slightly and it leaves goosebumps in its wake.Â
âIâm being honest, the lights are so bright that I canât see everyone in the crowds. Mainly just the front rows. Makes it easier.âÂ
Eddie puts his beer bottle on the ground by his feet before sitting up and grabbing a joint. Heâs quiet as he lights it, puffing out smoke to get it going. âWant some?âÂ
He holds the joint towards you, waiting for your answer. Youâve done this before at the frat houses at college. Youâve done it here and there in high school as well. This is second nature, but this time youâre nervous. What if you forget how to inhale? What if you throw up? Any number of things can happen.Â
Something happens inside you and your brain finally catches up to itself. A small stroke of confidence happens and without taking your eyes off of him, you lean forward, wrapping your lips around the joint and inhaling. His eyes stay locked on yours, his tongue wetting his lips. You pull back, slowly blowing out the smoke.Â
âFuckinâ hell.â It comes out in a whisper and you know he didnât mean to say it out loud. His eyes falling from your eyes, to your lips and back again.Â
God you want to kiss him. His pillowy lips would feel amazing against yours, you just know it. You start to lean into him, desperate to know if youâre right.  Â
A bang on the door scares the fuck out of the both of you and Eddies boot knocks over his bottle. Itâs a good thing he drank most of it, the contents not spilling on the plush carpet.Â
âLetâs get going guys. Put your dicks back in your pants, we have a show to do.â You know that voice, thatâs their manager. Heâs the one who called your people to make sure you had all the rules for this evening.Â
Photos are fine.Â
Everyone must be tagged.Â
Nothing negative.Â
Absolutely no photos of any white substances. Even if itâs sugar.Â
That last one would be hard considering it was on every flat surface in neat, clean lines.Â
You go to stand up, but Eddie stops you, his hand tightening on your hip. âPromise Iâll see ya after?âÂ
You nod, ây-yeah of course.âÂ
Before you know it, his lips are on yours. The kiss is soft, sweet and you donât want it to end. In fact, you totally forget about all the other people in the room. Your hands find his face, pulling him closer as his tongue begs for permission. And once you grant it, itâs game over.Â
He tastes like beer and weed and cigarettes and you love it. You want more. You want to get closer.Â
But itâs not long before the door to his trailer opens up, his manager stepping into the bus. âI said get your dicks and tongues together. We cannot be late.âÂ
âŠÂ
By the time the show is over you barely have a voice, and youâre sure youâve never been more turned on in your life. It might seem silly to say, but Eddie's kiss lingered the entire show and all you want is more.Â
Back stage the band is still running on adrenaline, drinking water for once to try and refuel for the rest of the night. The rest of the night being a club that they frequent. A club you donât go to because of that exact reason.Â
âOhhhhh! There's the prettiest girls Iâve ever laid eyes on!â Eddie's voice booms as security goes to double check you and Hana. âHey! Leave them alone. Theyâre with me.âÂ
Security stands back, hands raise like he knows itâll cause more issues if he doesnât. You almost feel bad for the poor guy, he was just trying to do his job. Like what if you had a bomb or something?Â
âCâmon we gotta get outta here.â He laces his fingers with yours before he pulls you along with him. You look over your shoulder, catching Hana's eyes.Â
Go! She mouths, hanging off Gareth's arm. Iâll meet you there!Â
And so, you go. Are you nervous? Yes absolutely. Are you going to pretend you arenât and have some confidence? Yes. Fake it till you make it right?
Eddie opens the door to the car, extending a hand, âladies first.âÂ
You grin at him as you elegantly slide into the car, âwow. I didnât know you were such a gentle man.â This time when you giggle, it's cute and self assured.Â
âYes, I have been told my entire life that I look,â he slides in sucking in a soft, thinking breath, âmean and scary.âÂ
âYou look like a doberman but theyâre precious babies.â You mean it too. He looks a little mean and scary, especially in the red lights of the stage. Not to mention the âdevil musicâ (says the media) which can get a little dark. But thatâs what makes it great, in your opinion. Plus, he does look like doberman. Like he could probably kill you but would actually not?Â
ââPrecious babies?ââÂ
You nod, âmhm! I grew up with them. Very sweet and love kisses. Oh! And they each had their own comfort toys.âÂ
âThen maybe I am one because I do love kisses.â Heâs closer now, his breath fanning over your face. He still smells like beer and cigarettes mixed in with the smell of his cologne.Â
Itâs your turn to close the gap and planting your lips on his. The kiss is hotter, more intense. One could argue itâs because of the alcohol swimming in your system that makes you so bold. Youâre buzzed, but not drunk. It isnât long before his hands are in your hair, tugging. It makes you moan in his mouth, opening up to him.Â
He sits back, his hands in your hair pulling you with him, making you sit in his lap. Your legs rest on either side of his hips, your cunt nestled right against the bulge in his pants. He couldnât hide it even if he wanted to. You test the waters by rocking your hips, the friction being so sweet that youâre the one who lets out a moan.Â
âGod, that is the sweetest sound Iâve ever heard.â He kisses down your neck, nipping and sucking as he goes. âShould record it and use it in our next song.âÂ
You hum and grin, âI wouldnât mind that. Always wanted to be in a song. Canât sing though.â Â
He nips at your ear, âthatâs my job baby.âÂ
Eddie's large hand grips your hips, stopping your movements. You want to whine, you want to protest. You were so fucking close.Â
âWeâll save that for when we're back at my place.âÂ
You grin and kiss along his jaw, âwho says Iâm going back to your place?âÂ
âThe way you were just grindinâ against my cock, angel.â He grins, âalso with how youâre lookinâ at me.âÂ
âAnd how am I looking at you? Hmm?âÂ
âLike you want me to fuck you while your brain leaks out your cunt.âÂ
You shudder at the crudeness of his words. No one has ever spoken to you like that and looked like him. The car stopping in front of the club saves you from trying to come up with an answer. One you know will either be embarrassing or non-existent.Â
He looks over at the paparazzi that is waiting and sighs, âare we going in together orâŠâÂ
The decision you make is quick. If youâre going to do this, even for one night, youâre going to do it together and let them talk. You give him a quick kiss, âtogether. Give âem something to talk about, yeah?âÂ
So, you do.Â
The second youâre out of the car, cameras flash and photographers call out a mix of your name and his and you can hardly understand what theyâre saying. You donât stop to pose, letting them only photograph you and him walking hand and hand. Give them crumbs as your manager says. Once youâre in the club, not even needing to show an ID or give a name.Â
From there the night happens in a blur. The band has the VIP section where bottles of expensive liquor are brought over by women dressed in a bikini. You know how much all of this costs (more than you can afford thatâs for sure) but you also know that all of this is on Eddie and the bands tab. Heâs told you six times.Â
So you drink. And you smoke. And you watch pretty white lines disappear, most of which disappear up Eddie's nose. Of course you take videos, vlogging your night and making sure to follow all the rules that were set prior to this meeting. Taking photos to remember the night. Hana is having a blast, taking shots like itâs her job and making out with Gareth in between. Of course she takes photos with you, sitting in your lap and giggling so much the photos come out blurry. But those are your favorite kinds of photos.Â
âDance with me?â Eddie says in your ear over the music.Â
You take the shot that is in your hands, âlead the way.âÂ
The second youâre surrounded by sweaty bodies you feel invisible. Youâre sure someone has cameras on you and him but at the moment you donât care.Â
Your hips move to the music, back against Eddie's chest while his hands explore your body. His lips move against your neck, sucking a dark mark into it that you know youâll struggle to cover later. Again, you donât care. What you do care about is the hardness that you feel against your back.Â
You spin around, grinning up at him. God heâs so fucking tall you have to tilt your head up a good bit to look at him.Â
âWe should get out of here,â you say as he pulls you into him.Â
He smirks, âthought you werenât coming back to my place sweetheart.âÂ
âSeems I told a fib. Now, I need you to take me home and fuck me like you hate me.âÂ
Itâs all he needs before heâs grabbing you by the hand and pulling you out of the club. The car is there and he quickly pulls you into the back seat. Once those doors are closed, the window tint so dark you couldnât see inside if you tried, his mouth his on yours. Your stomach flips and the neediness you feel coming off of him. He pulls you till youâre straddling him, legs on either side of his hips. Not really the safest but at this point, all you need is his lips on you.Â
The ride to Eddieâs consists of lots of kissing, so much so that you know your lips are swollen. You donât get to see much of Eddieâs house, too focused on getting inside the house and into his bedroom. He drags you up the stairs, your hand is his. And once youâre in his room, he has you pressed up against his bedroom door.Â
âYouâre so fucking hot, baby.â Eddie pushes your jacket off your shoulders while he speaks, his words going straight to your clit. Your mind can barely comprehend that Eddie Munson, the man youâve had a crush on since they were considered an âunderground band,â is currently taking off your clothes.Â
You do the same to him, pushing his leather jacket to the ground before tugging at the ends of his shirt and pulling it over his head. âMe? You are so beautiful.âÂ
He hums, popping the button on your jeans, âshould we take a poll on who's prettier? Winner takes the loser on a date?âÂ
That makes you laugh, âsounds like a deal. But first, you need to fuck me.âÂ
His eyes nearly go black at that and before you can think, heâs throwing you on this bed. You land with a small oomph. You decide to take a little initiative, pulling off your boots, scooting off your pants and pulling off your top.Â
Eddie watches, rapt and almost possessed, his eyes scanning your partially naked body. Itâs not anything more than someone would see if you posted in a bathing suit, but you canât help but feel nervous that he isnât going to like you.Â
He quickly puts those fears (fears he knows nothing about) to rest as he settles between your legs. His eyes donât leave yours as he kisses up your thighs. You know there is a wet patch on your underwear and you know he can see it. You do feel embarrassed about it, but at the same time, Eddie is slightly rutting against the bed so he must like it. Right?Â
You can feel your body heat as he gets closer and closer to your center.Â
âEddie, please donât tease me.â Never have you begged a man. Typically whoever you were in bed with did the begging, much to your dislike. You were desperate for someone to take charge. Now you know why they didnât. One bruise and they get shit from all your followers. Even if you tell them to leave these men alone.Â
But Eddie? He wasnât afraid.Â
âBut itâs so much fun to watch you squirm.âÂ
You huff, squirming exactly like he said as he sits up to pull your underwear down your legs before setting back between them. âNeed you to touch me.âÂ
He licks a stripe up your slit, sucking on your clit as he gets to the top. The sound that falls from your lips is beautiful, sweeter than the sound you made in the car. Now Eddie really wants to put you in a song, but the jealous, primal side of him never wants someone else to be able to hear your moans.Â
In fact, he doesnât want to think about any of the other men whoâve heard you make these sounds. Murder wasn't really on his list of things he enjoyed. Bar fights? Yes. Murder? No.Â
âYou make the prettiest sounds, sweetheart. Sâvery hot.â He slides two fingers inside you with little resistance, curling them up to hit the spongy spot inside you. The stretch feels good, your hips moving on their own, riding Eddie's fingers.Â
You're close, the build up of this moment really getting closer than you originally thought. âSqueezinâ my fingers so tight, baby. Are you close?âÂ
You nod, afraid if you speak youâll say something ridiculous.Â
But that isnât good enough for Eddie. âWords.âÂ
âV-very.âÂ
That was clearly the wrong thing to say because he pulls his fingers from inside you, the emptiness making you gasp, âno! No, no, no I was so close!âÂ
He laughs as he pushes his pants and boxers off his body. âExactly. Want you to cum with my cock inside you.âÂ
You look down between your bodies and your eyes widen. He was big and you accidentally voice what youâre thinking, âfuck⊠not gonna fit.âÂ
His laugh drags your eyes back to him, his cock moving through your slick and bumping your clit. âBaby you are so wet that I have no doubt itâll fit.â Â
You donât have time to be embarrassed about it because Eddie is pushing inside you. The size of him stretching you makes you feel like heâs going to split you in half. But you donât care, the burn just turns you on more and more and before you know it heâs seated inside you fully.Â
âFuck, Eddie.âÂ
Eddie is panting, trying to keep still so he doesnât cum before he wants to. âFeel so fuckinâ good, sweetheart. A man could become obsessed with this pussy.âÂ
He moves right as you begin to speak, nearly knocking the air out of your lungs. He feels like heâs everywhere. âW-witchcraftâÂ
He fucks you harder, his cock hitting your cervix. Youâre definitely going to have a bruise there but it's so worth it.Â
âDidnât know you were into dark shit. Sâmy schtick.âÂ
You wrap your legs around him, orgasm building again, âmore alike than you originally thought huh?âÂ
He wraps a tattooed hand around your throat, squeezing gently and making your head spin, âoh, angel, I knew how alike we were the second you told everyone how bad you wanted to fuck me.âÂ
âC-can you blame me? Knew youâd fuck me just h-how I like.âÂ
You clench around him making him hiss, âyeah you need someone who will take control huh?âÂ
The hand around your neck slides down your body till he finds your clit, circling it.Â
âOh god! Please.âÂ
âI can get used to you prayinâ to me.â His thrusts are losing rhythm (something heâs usually very good at keeping) and you know heâs close. âCum baby. I need it.âÂ
And itâs all you need to fall over the cliff and into bliss. He follows you, coming inside you while you squeeze around him. You both moan each other's names and you sigh as you come down.Â
Eddie breaks the silence first, âthat was⊠amazing.âÂ
You hum in agreement as he slides out of you and curls up beside you. You take a moment before getting up and cleaning up in the bathroom. When you come back Eddie has left out an old Corroded Coffin t-shirt and some boxers. And once theyâre on, you slide back into his bed, laying your head on his chest.
âWe should put that poll up, huh? Iâm itching to win this bet.â Eddie laughs as he says it and before you know it, you two are finding a photo the both of you like and posting it on your story with the caption, âwhich one is prettier? Honesty is the best policy.âÂ
âAnd now⊠we wait.â
#stranger things#stranger things fic#eddie munson#eddie munson fic#eddie munson x fem!reader#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson smut#eddie munson imagine#Eddie Munson x you#eddie munson fanfic#modern!rockerstar!eddie munson x influencer!fem!reader#rockstar!eddie x fem!reader
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My dad died yesterday, he was 63
I would like to share a little about him and our story if anyone wants to read, this is not a happy story
My parents divorced when I was three and I went to live with my mom so I saw my dad's life in snapshots, once a week at first and then once a year when he moved abroad and I would spend the summers with him. Every time I would catch up with him he would have a different partner or apartment.
My time with him was always fun, he was laid back, adventurous and open, he would let me do all kinds of crazy stuff while my mom was the strict one. He was a genius to me, he taught me how to program my own games when I was nine, he would make me take computers and appliances apart and reassemble them to teach me how they worked, he made me love science, the outdoors and travelling. He was great at teaching and cooking and driving. He worked on tours for famous musicians as a sound tech, he made 3D films for museums and theme parks when it was all very new, he was a photographer, a programmer, electrician, mechanic, artist and could play many instruments and write poetry!!
The first crack between us was when there was a huge split between my mom's side of the family and his over money and a lot of ugly truths stared coming to light. I realized that when it came to money he was willing to put himself before me and the fights between him and my mom were awful. But in the end once the dust settled we both pretended it never happened.
One weekend I went to visit him and realized his current girlfriend would stick around at last and she had a daughter almost my age!! I now had a little sister and I loved it.
A year later the country fell apart and he fled abroad along with them and even though I missed them I would visit for months at a time every year. I saw him start his life over, he started his own company and I was so proud of him!!
Everything was great for eight years, until one day he told me that my step mom and sister left him and he would sell everything and come back to the country. This was the last time I would ever hear of them, they vanished, I mourned my step sister for years. This was also when his life fell apart.
At 17 adulthood came with a lot of revelations. My mom told me that my dad had been an addict since he was very young, before I was born, my whole life, cocaine and alcohol amongst other things, and everyone around him had been putting up with it and helping him but couldn't take it anymore. He had cheated on her when they had me and had cheated on my step mom too. He would lie to get what he wanted and trusting him was getting increasingly harder.
All of my memories of him were now seen through a different lens. I felt betrayed. I could now tell every time he had been high, and knew where the money he asked of me when to, I was aware of every little lie. I was angry and frustrated at him for the pain he caused my mom and everyone around him. And for squandering the potential I knew he had, for always making the wrong decisions, one mistake after another. And I hated feeling this way the most.
After he came back to the country alone he could never recover, he would relapse, overdose, refuse rehab or any medical help. He would escape psychiatrics facilities and hospitals in the middle of the night, he was a menace!! lmao.
Our relationship was still good despite all this, different but still standing, he had always been my friend even if he wasn't the best at being a dad or partner, I would always scold him and tell him of different job opportunities I came up with for him to try out but now there was this distance between us. I became the parent of the relationship in a way and he didn't like being told what to do. I saw him spiral and I was scared for him.
I've always heard all these stories about addicts finding purpose and fighting for their loved ones, so every time he would jokingly talk to me about how high he was and seemed to enjoy it despite my warnings and pleading it made me feel like I was not enough of a reason to get better, as self centered as it may be I was a teen and I felt powerless to stop him, insignificant. People could get better for their children, but not for me.
I knew this way of thinking was flawed and selfish and he was the one struggling, I knew he was a victim. I spent the last of my teenage years and early twenties trying to fight back this feeling so I could preserve our relationship, we always kept in contact but over time he changed and was no longer the person I knew.
He became a stranger, often times incoherent and delusional, his views changed, he was paranoid, his addiction got worse and worse and now all I could feel was pity and guilt, our once good relationship was now reduced to a few interactions where he would ask me for money, I knew I was possibly funding his self destruction and he was likely lying to me but he also needed to pay for medication and so I couldn't refuse him.
I had my own life now, a husband and plans for the future. When I decided to move abroad a few years ago I knew our hug goodbye could be the last, he was broke and unstable but I thought once I was settled and had a job and a citizenship I could have enough money to get him tickets to visit and show him the life I had made for myself like he had done in my childhood.
But then Covid happened, and he would never agree to make calls. Soon after he was diagnosed with cancer, I would ask about his health and he would say he was fine. He wasn't fine, he was smoking 4 packs a day. He got the cancer removed but refused further treatment, he said he didn't have any purpose left in life and no reasons to keep living, he had a stroke and couldn't feel half his body when he was forcibly hospitalized, his cancer had spread and he hadn't been eating for a long time, he hid all this from me, I first heard it from my aunt in tears over the phone yesterday, he tried to escape the hospital in the night and had to be tied up and sedated, he never woke up.
He died alone, all that is left of his family is me and my aunt and we both live in different countries. There is nobody there to even bury him. I feel like I abandoned him. I've always known I would feel this way when this day came, in a way I've been mourning him for many years and have carried this guilt for even longer.
I had the coolest dad, cocaine took him away. I wish this had a better and uplifting message. I just wanted to get this off my chest. He taught me a lot and made me who I am, and I have a lot of great memories with him. He struggled all of his life with his mental health and despite it all he was still amazing and deserved so much better.
He always said that when he was a ghost he would follow me around, I hope he isl!! so I can live for both of us, I love you dad!! and I'm so sorry đŻïž
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Fictober23 Prompt: 1 - "It's not too late, let's go."
Fandom: DPxDC
Rating: G
Warnings: -
Danny frowned, his head resting on his arms as he sat in a café, staring at nothing in particular. Tucker was sitting next to him, typing away on his PDA and Sam was across from him glaring at his current state of dramatic pouting, frowning and sulking while ignoring his favorite coffee order she had especially ordered for him somehow even though the store did not even have it on their menu.
"Danny, how much longer are you going to sulk?"
"I don't know. How much longer until my next chance of ever meeting someone from outer space?"
"Danny."
"We missed the Hero Gala, Sam! That was our one and only chance!"
He looked away from her like a stubborn toddler. He knew he was being especially dramatic but his friends and him had planned this whole trip solely for meeting members of the Justice League in person. For one, to maybe meet the people that have been ignoring their cities' call for help for years now and request it personally if per call won't work and two, fulfill some of their own personal selfish desires to meet the hero's each one of them admired.
Though their trip clearly had been eventful considering how a lot of his ghost rogues tried to stop him from even leaving Amity Park, they also learned about the whole media black out surrounding Amity. Turns out, the reason the Justice League was ignoring them was entirely because they didn't even know they existed in the first place. It was a miracle that they even learned about a Hero Gala in Metropolis if it weren't for an invitation somehow making it to the Mansons Estate.
Fun fact. Even if the invitation made it to them. Once they did make it to the Gala location they learned that it had happened years ago. Well wasn't that just great, and here Danny had hoped to get some help and maybe meet Superman or better Martian Manhunter.
Slamming his head onto the table and gaining the attention of some other cafe visitors briefly. Danny only turned ever so slightly so that his cheek was squished against the cold table surface. Still refusing to look at Sam but instead watched Tucker who was by now frowning at his PDA.
"Guys, I think there is more to it than us being simple late a couple of years to a Gala." Blinking made a noise to ask him to elaborate while Sam verbally asked why.
"Things didn't add up when we first left Amity, aside from all your ghost rouges were even trying to make us stop leaving until the very last second. Look at this, this is a photocopy of our last news paper from home and this-" Tucker slit a paper across the table and pointed at a specific spot at the top of the paper so both Danny and Sam could see it clearly. "-is a news paper printed today from Metropolis."
"I don't get it." Danny honestly stated staring at the spot Tucker had pointed it. Sam proceeded to hit the back of his head lightly, apparently having seen what Tucker was pointing out to them.
"The dates are way too far apart." She stated and Danny blinked, looking back at the printed date and the date displayed in the image of Tuckers PDA. "Are you sure you didn't save up an older newspaper?"
Tucker gave him an unimpressed stare. "Look at the headline. That's the incident that happened right before we went on this trip."
"Okay but what does that mean?"
"From what it looks like. Amity Park lives in a time bubble. Our technology as well as date seems far behind from everything we saw ever since we left. Even my beloved PDA appears to be old technology here."
The tree sat in silence for a moment, mulling over what they had found out so far after leaving Amity for the first time. But now that they thought about that, Amity was a closed community. There were hardly any people coming in and out of their town. In addition the only one who had ever entered their city from the outside was Vlad and even he didn't talk much about any other cities or people he could possibly know outside of Amity.
"That's a pretty interesting topic you guys are talking about."
Startled, the three looked up to see a new face that had appeared out of nowhere and was spitting next to Sam. The boy with auburn hair and yellow eyes who looked only a bit older than them and was smiling brightly at them with a back of chips in his hands.
"So you guys lived in a time bubble? That sounds interesting, can you tell me more?"
A second later two black haired teens appeared next to the boy, one sheepish and in a punk style and the other frustrated and appearing to wear more formal clothing. The frustrated one eyed them for a moment and Danny caught his eyes, noticing the calculating look and couldn't help narrowing his own eyes on him.
"Sorry about my friend, he sometimes acts before he thinks."
"I have a friend like that too, don't worry." Tucker answered and Danny shot him a quick glare before turning his attention back to the three newcomers.
"We couldn't help but overhear what you guys were talking about. You missed your chance to go to a hero gala right?" The sheepish one said after exchanging a look with the other black haired teen and Danny couldn't help but feel like there was some silent communication going on. The same he had at times with Tucker.
"So what?" Sam huffed, not willing to talk about their woes and sharing information with strangers.
"We happened to be on our way to one that's not open to the public but we could help you get in. Granted, I would like to hear a little more about your situation and how you missed the one you originally wanted to go to." In other words, give us information and we will get you to somewhere where you can meet hero's. Danny narrowed his eyes further, there had to be more to this catch.
His distrust must have been visible as the formal clothing black haired teen let out a sigh. "Look we have experience with time shenanigans, so we might be able to get you into contact with people that can help, from Young Justice or maybe even the Justice League."
"No one just offers help like that, without getting something out of it." Sam huffed arms crossed and glaring at them. Tucker also eyed them with suspicion and Danny had yet to let up on his distrustful glare.
"Well we do. So common, the private gala is still going. We only escaped from it for a little bit to get this guy some coffee. It's not too late, let's go! We can figure out the whole time bubble thing on the way there!" The brightly smiling auburn haired answered instead bouncing in his seat next to Sam. Eager to have Danny and his friends come along.
Only way later did Danny learn that the three teens that snuck them into a privat Hero Gala were actual members of Young Justice but that was only after they figured out the whole Amity lives in a Time Bubble situation.
#fictober23#dpxdc#dp x dc#crossover#danny fenton#danny phantom#tim drake#dcxdp#sam manson#tucker foley#bart allan#conner kent#Amity Park lives in a time bubble#Danny rogues tried to prevent him from finding out#does clockwork know? maybe...#The trio just wanted to meet the Justice league in person#and get some help for amity#Kon overheard them at the café#They just escaped the gala#Tim needed coffee to survive it further#now they are smuggling in possible time travelling civilians#because Bart couldn't sit still#he is just excited to meet possible other time travelers#unedited#no beta we die like danny
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Discord 18+ - Twitter - JJK Masterlist
Pairing: Gojo Satoru x Female Reader
Summary: Every choice Satoru makes just seems to be digging himself into a deeper hole. But when it comes to you, he canât seem to help himself.
Story Warning: Smut, Vaginal Sex, Toxic Behavior, Cheating, Protected Sex (wrap it up kids), Jealousy, Obsessive Behavior, Exes to Lovers (for a lil bit), Gojo is sprung on reader real bad, Dumb Stupid Idiot Satoru, Downbad Satoru
Gojo art by: Ilameys (used with permission)
Available to read on Ao3!
AN: Gojo has been eating my brain so I had to get something out. I've been obsessively listening to LIMBO by keshi and had it on repeat writing this (listen to it if you haven't!) Anyway, enjoy!
âSatoruuuuu,â an aggravating, whiny voice slurs. âCan you get me another drink pleaseeeee?â
âHm? Oh, sure.â
Satoru rises from his seat on the couch, running his fingers through his silky white hair. He leaves his girlfriend to chat with her friends as he makes his way to the kitchen for yet another drink. Really, he should cut her off and take her home. Sheâs insufferable when she gets a drop of liquor in her, not that sheâs any less annoying when sheâs sober. All the whining, all the clinginess, all the slurring of his name as she wraps herself all around him. It used to be cute when they first started dating a year ago. Now itâs just suffocating. But Satoru sucks it up, though heâs not entirely sure why. Maybe because when she drinks, he doesnât have to deal with actually trying to have a conversation with her. Sheâs a bit more tolerable after a few drinks. Annoying still, but less so.
He maneuvers through the crowd of the house party heâs currently attending. Itâs packed, the scent of alcohol heavy in the air. Leave it to Suguru to go all out when heâs back in town. The guy invited practically everyone from their time in high school. Since arriving, Satoruâs already run into Mei Mei, Ino, Utahime (unfortunately) and surprisingly Nanami. Thereâs even students from the Ainu Technical School here. He had no idea Suguru even knew them.Â
Regardless, Satoru is happy to see everyone. He stops every so often to chat with old classmates as he wanders towards the kitchen. Everyone seems to be doing well for themselves since graduating high school, which Satoru is glad for. No matter how life went, he always wished everyone well.
And life was good for Satoru, too. At 26 years old, he certainly couldnât complain about much. Heâd graduated from high school, gone to college, had a hell of a great time during his undergrad career, got himself a well paying cushy sales job. And he had a girlfriend that heâŠhad been with for awhile. Life couldnât be better for him.
So why did it always feel like something was missing?
Satoru enters the enormous kitchen and makes a beeline to the assortment of drinks lined along the built-in bar. Of course Suguru has a built-in bar in his kitchen with an array of pre-made cocktails to choose from. Always such a great host when heâs not traveling to clean up celebrity messes for his PR firm.
âSatoru!â A manâs voice sings behind him as an arm slings across his shoulders.Â
âHaibara,â Satoru greets him. âBack for another drink?â
Satoru grabs one of the plastic party cups from the counter and pours one of the cocktails into it; something fruity and syrupy. He mightâve given it a try if the overwhelming smell of tequila didnât burn his nostrils. He thinks of his girlfriend, knowing she will definitely feel like shit by the end of the night.
âHm?â Haibara shakes his head, his raven hair whipping with the movement. âNo way. One is enough for me. I have early practice tomorrow. Coach says my swing needs work, so not willing to fuck that up.â Ah right. Satoru had totally forgotten that Haibara played tennis professionally now. He nods, listening to his friend fill him in on what his plans for tomorrow are. Haibaraâs wide brown eyes follow Satoruâs movements as he fills his cup. âYou, though? I never see you drink at these things?â
Satoru shakes his head. âNot for me. For my girlfriend.â
Haibaraâs signature, open-mouthed grin spreads wide across his face. âOh! Youâre still dating her? Wow. Good for you, man.â
Something about the surprise in Haibaraâs tone takes Satoru aback, brows knitting at this. âWhyâd you say it like that?â
Haibara crosses his arms, his smile melting away with a sigh. âI meanâŠâ Haibara sighs your name quietly. âThe two of you were together for a long time before you broke up after high school. We all thought youâd still be together, but if you could end that relationship, Iâm just a little surprised youâre still with this one. Thatâs all. But if youâre happy...â
Just hearing your name on Haibaraâs tongue has Satoruâs stomach twisting in knots. He hasnât seen or spoken to you in years, something heâs been wanting to change for a long time but too cowardly to do so.Â
Satoru nods, giving Haibara a weak smile. He can admit that his girlfriend wasâŠnot the least bit interesting, annoying and did little for him. But he enjoyed her company sometimes.
âJust donât be surprised if one of us leaves with Y/N tonight, though,â Haibara jokes, throwing his head back with an obnoxious chuckle.Â
What?
Satoru feels his heart leap into his throat as his crystalline eyes dart rapidly over every occupant in the kitchen, only seeing the familiar faces of his old classmates and a few strangers. Thereâs no sign of you. Maybe Haibara was just fucking with him.Â
Satoru laughs to save face, albeit awkwardly. âFunny,â he mutters, staring down into the drink meant for his current girlfriend, though now his thoughts are only occupied with you.
âHey man, I need to get back to my girl, so Iâll catch you later,â Satoru tells his old friend.
âYeah, later! Hey!â Haibara calls out to him and Satoru turns briefly. âLetâs get together to play some time!â
âYeah, sure. Text me!â Satoru calls back, waving as he exits the kitchen. Unlikely, but he appreciates the effort.
Satoru shoulders through the crowd again, carefully holding onto the red cup in hand so it doesn't spill. He takes his time getting back, a new goal in mind: find you. Are you actually here? Or was Haibara just trying to mess with him? His heart pounds hard in his chest as he moves, eyes scanning every face he sees.
Itâs been seven long years since Satoru last spoke to you - his first real crush, his first real girlfriend, his first time. His first everything. He wonders if youâve thought about him at all in this time. Heâd be surprised if you did. Things didnât exactly end well between you two.
......
Seven Years Ago
You and Satoru dated all through high school. Satoru, a star athlete, played many sports and you supported him through them all, cheering for him at every game and helping him with his practice. You two were inseparable. If you werenât at Satoruâs place, he was at yours. The love was deep between you two and a promise was made that youâd always be together.
But life didnât always happen the way you wanted. The joy and excitement of being accepted into your dream schools did not last long when you realized youâd be going to school thousands of miles away and oceans apart. It was the first time a true test of your relationship was presented. Satoru was staying in Japan for college while you were headed overseas. Could your relationship survive the distance?
The first few months apart werenât so bad. Satoru was making friends, excelling at school and becoming quite popular. You were also busy with your new life and hobbies. You made time for each other when you could. But it wasnât enough. The loneliness Satoru felt without you was all consuming and it was only a matter of time before he found himself sending fewer texts, calling less, absorbed in the newness of college life.
Satoru loved you so much, but he wasnât an idiot. He knew the likelihood of a long distance relationship surviving was slim regardless of who it was. It wasnât for lack of trying, but the trying part was becoming more burdensome than he wanted.
And it wasnât as though you had done anything wrong. This feeling Satoru was experiencing was all on him. You made the effort to keep in touch, to call when you could. And you still wanted it to work. But if Satoru were honest, he just wanted to enjoy his time in school without the constant worry of pleasing someone who he never saw unless it was behind a screen. It was selfish of him, but he wanted to have fun. This was a new world and he wanted to be free to explore it.
So he ended things.
Heâll never forget the quiet sobs on the other end of the phone as he sat in silence after uttering the words, âI donât think this is going to work out anymoreâ.
His heart ached listening to your hushed pleas for him to not do this, to not end things this way. But it was for the best. In the long run, youâd be happier. Heâd be happier and what was that corny saying again?
If you love something, set it free? Satoru thinks thatâs what he did that day.
And you were so upset. Rightfully so. You loved Satoru. You were each otherâs first kiss, first times before you left for college, first loves. Youâd quite literally given everything to each other. But Satoru couldnât commit to you anymore. He didnât want to. He wanted to enjoy college, live his life. It may be selfish of him, but he didnât see it that way. It was his chance to grow.Â
Even after all of your pleading, he stuck to his guns. It was torture, listening to you tearfully beg him not to do this to you. He had to end this.
So he told you heâd met someone else, that he couldnât be with you anymore because there was another woman he wanted to be with. The stretch of silence was painful, Satoru quietly waiting to see if you had anything to add. The call ended with you hanging up in his face with only a choked sob as the last thing heâd heard.Â
Adjusting to life without you proved difficult at first. Satoru isnât embarrassed to admit he moped around campus for a while before he was able to start trying to move on. After that, the next few months of college were great. Satoru was Mr. Popular, quickly rising to the top of his collegiate sports team. He was the life of any party he went to, the center of attention wherever he went.Â
Life shouldâve felt perfect.Â
But as the months passed, Satoru found his mind occupied with the thought of you at the worst times.Â
While his professor discusses marketing strategies, Satoruâs mind wanders to you.Â
What are you doing right now?Â
When heâs at practice getting berated by the coach for poor blocking form, he knows he canât tell him itâs because heâs distracted by the thought of you.
Who are you with?Â
When heâs giving another girl his number at a party, planning to hook up later, he pushes back the memory of the first time heâd spoken to you.Â
Where are you?
When he finds himself between another girl's legs that same night, he squeezes his eyes shut, picturing you and biting his tongue as he tries his best not to moan your name.
Do you still think about him?
The months soon stretch into a year and Satoru hopes this intense yearning he has for you will just fade away. Heâs not so lucky. If anything, he thinks about you more. He checks your social media profiles to find youâve removed him as a friend on everything. Of course you did. He ripped your heart in two. There was no way youâd allow him access back into your life. Your accounts are all private, so he canât see anything and heâs not willing to ask a mutual friend about what youâve been up to. It only makes him a little bit crazy that youâve put up this wall between you two so he has no access to you.Â
Another six months pass and Satoru works up the nerve to text you for the first time since youâd broken up. He hopes youâll reply. Itâs been more than a year. You canât possibly still be upset, can you? He can admit that he could have handled the way he ended things better, sure. But if he can get past it, you can too, right?
You never respond.
More months pass by and soon another year. One late night, Satoru slips into his apartment after a failed hookup. He pulls his phone out, scrolling through his contacts to find your name. You didnât reply to his last text. He doubts youâll respond to this one, but he takes a deep breath and shoots off a message to you before he changes his mind.
Days later, you finally respond. You chat for a while, sending messages back and forth. Generic things, really. Just catching up. Until one night Satoru musters up the courage to call you.
âHello?â You answer. Thereâs soft music in the background and Satoru wonders what youâre up to. Are you home? Maybe youâre relaxing and the music is on for background noise. Or maybe youâre with someone, listening to music to set the mood. Thereâs an unpleasant twist that forms in his stomach at the thought.
âHey,â he says easily, though he can barely hear your voice over the rapid pounding of his heart. âI figured a phone call may be easier than just texting. What are you doing?â
âOh, yeah, that makes sense.â He hears you shuffling around, then the quiet click of a door closing as the music fades out. âIâm actually at a friends for dinner.â
A friend. He wants to ask more about your friend, but he knows he has no right to that information anymore.Â
âSorry to interrupt your night,â he tells you, hoping his voice doesnât betray how tense he is. His heart feels like itâs about to beat out of his chest.
âItâs fine. I have a couple minutes to spare.â You sound relaxed. Like speaking to Satoru doesnât have the same effect on you as it does on him. Like talking to him is just like talking to anybody else. He knows itâs his own fault itâs this way, but it still stings. âDid you need something?â
You.
Thatâs what Satoru wants to say. More than anything, he wants to tell you that he wants you back, that he needs you back. He wants to tell you he made a mistake breaking up with you, that heâs so sorry. He wants to ask that youâll please forgive him.Â
Satoru wants to say he regrets his decision to call it quits. Wants to admit that he should have made more of an effort to make it work out and not have been so fucking weak. He wants to tell you that if youâre willing to give it another try he is, too.
Thatâs what he wants.
Because after everything, he still lâ
âSatoru?â You repeat your question and Satoru realizes heâs let the silence hang in the air between you both for far too long.
âOh, I jusââ
âBabe? Dinnerâs ready. Do you want any wine with yours?â A deep voice cuts through the quiet and Satoru feels his heart drop hearing someone else call you by the name that was once meant for only his use. He hears soft shuffling and hushed whispers and a âsorry, I thought you were off the phone, babe. You were quietââ
He can tell youâve muted your phone. He canât hear anything anymore. The looming silence makes Satoru want to hang up on you so he can swallow the bitterness he feels. So you had moved on, found someone else who gets to treat you the way Satoru should have. Itâs fair. Itâs been years since you two had broken up. Youâd barely started speaking again. Of course you would find someone new. You were perfect and anyone would be an idiot to let you go. Much like Satoru was.
His thumb lingers over the end call button on his screenâŠand then youâre back just before he presses it.
âSorry about that,â you breathe. âAnyway, did you need something, Satoru?â
âThat your friend?â Satoru asks, ignoring your question completely. He canât even pretend itâs not because he wants to know who the hell was calling you âbabeâ.
You clear your throat. âNo, ahâŠthatâs my boyfriend,â you finally tell him.
The silence falls over you again for a few seconds, Satoru trying to find his words. Again, itâs fair for you to date someone else. Satoru had ended things. He lost his right to be jealous when he did. And yet, against his better judgment, he leans into the bitterness he felt moments ago, forcing out a laugh. âGood! Oh, thatâs good for you. Glad you found someone.â
â...Thanks?â
Satoru hums. âYeah. I mean, glad we both moved on. I was actually worried when I was calling that youâd still be hung up on me or something.â He winces, but laughs awkwardly again. Knows he just shot himself in the foot. Maybe youâll just laugh it off, take it as a bad joke.
âYeah.â Your voice is clipped, short. âOkay, well, it was great catching up with you, Satoru. I have to go now.â
Fuck fuck fuck.
âGot it. Well, have fun at your dinââ
The line goes dead.
Satoru tosses his phone to the side, throws himself back on his bed with a groan.Â
âIdiot.â
You donât return any more of his calls or texts.
......
Present
Satoruâs feet carry him through the crowd, conversation drifting through the air. He can hear Utahime yelling at Suguru and Satoru resists the damn near instinctual urge to turn towards the screeching so he can join Suguru in whatever antics set her off. Itâs always funny seeing how red her face gets. He also hears the sounds of Shokoâs airy laugh as she catches up with Nanami and Ijichi. An odd group, he thinks, but Satoru doesnât have time to dwell on it because he hears the sweet sound of your laugh andâ
Wait.
He stops in his tracks, the drink in his hand sloshing with the abrupt halt. He turns his head to peer over the crowd, but he doesnât see anything, doesnât see you. Maybe his mind is playing tricks on him. Thereâs no way youâd actually be here. Youâre overseas. At least, he thinks you may be overseas. Thatâs the last thing he knew about you for certain. Satoruâs not sure what youâre up to these days. He hasnât asked, afraid of what the answer will be. Heâs not sure he could handle knowing youâre potentially engaged or happily married. Hell, heâs not sure he could handle knowing if youâre dating someone.Â
His piercing blue gaze finally lands on you and he realizes Haibara was actually not joking about someone potentially leaving with you tonight. Because youâre right there, off to the side of the crowd with some man, giggling at whatever heâs saying.
Satoru knows itâs you, even from a distance. He couldnât mistake those beautiful eyes for anyone else's, the way they crinkle ever so slightly in the corners when you smile. He could never mistake those luscious, glossed lips he loved to kiss. Youâre all smiles, as stunning as he remembers.
Everything keeps moving as time seems to stand still only for Satoru, his eyes never leaving you. And he knows heâs at this party with someone else. Thatâs what he should be focused on, but youâre all he cares about right now. His gaze locks onto your lips, following the curve of your smile, the way your tongue darts out just a bit to run along your bottom lip, the way those lips form your words.Â
You may still hate him after all this time, but Satoru wants to talk to you. He almost wants to get just close enough for you to notice him. Maybe youâll make the first move and talk to him.
âWhat the fuck am I doing?â He thinks, lips pursed in concentration.
He should get back to his actual girlfriend. Heâs been gone for too long. Sheâs bound to come looking for him if he doesnât get back to her soon. Yeah, heâll just go back. Talking to you wonât be good for him anyway â
The man youâre speaking to leans forward, his lips moving to your ear and Satoru, with his eyes still glued to your lips, feels his blood boil as he watches them part with what heâs pretty sure is a sigh. When he sees your hand come up to lay on the other manâs arm, his nostrils flare with irritation. When you smirk at what the man is whispering, he feels his jaw tighten. And when the other manâs hand comes to land on your waist, Satoruâs feet move before he even realizes what heâs doing.
As he approaches, the man steps away, a slick grin on his face and you roll your eyes, shaking your head and giggling. Are you actually flirting with this guy? Itâs only as he gets closer that Satoru can better make out who it is; poorly done bleach job, shitty eyeliner around his eyes, and too many ear piercings. Itâs just Naoya Zenin. From what Satoru remembers, you hated that fucker all of high school.
Unless somethingâs changed and suddenly youâre into him? Is this who youâre dating now?
Satoru wants to be pissed, but this may work in his favor. If you could be on good terms with Naoya, who you absolutely despised for as long as youâd known him, then maybe you had room in your heart to forgive him for being such a piece of shit to you all those years ago.
Your eyes drift over to Satoru as he approaches you both. And you hardly react, only offering him a small smile before your attention drifts back to Naoya. And though a tiny curve of your lips is something, the lack of a reaction kind of annoys the shit out of him.
âHey,â Satoru greets, mainly directed towards you because fuck Naoya.
âHi, Satoru.â You fold your arms over your chest, eyes coming back to meet his. God, youâre as pretty as Satoru remembers you being. This close to you, Satoru can see how much youâve changed. And time has been very good to you. Youâre still beautiful in the youthful way Satoru remembers, but youâre grown now. His eyes trail down your frame quickly, drinking in the way youâve filled out.
âGojoâŠâ Naoya says with clear disdain in his voice.
âZenin.â
And itâs quiet now. Awkward. But it doesnât matter to Satoru. His eyes are only on you.
You pull your gaze away from Satoru and back to Naoya.
âYou look great,â Satoru tells you, sipping the drink meant for his girlfriend to keep himself from potentially following up with something stupid. He grimaces slightly at the taste before trying to cover it with a lopsided grin.
And you give him the same grin back, a little shy. Itâs cute.
âThanks, Satoru. You look good, too.â
âI didnât know you were back in town.â
âYeah, Iâve been back for a few months now. Just settling back in and working,â your brows knit together as you lean to the side to glance around Satoru. âIâm surprised Suguru didnât tell you since I just had lunch with him like two days ago.â
He realizes you must be looking for Suguru when you straighten your stance again. Deep in his mind, Satoru makes a mental note to have a word with Suguru about this later. Next to him, Naoya snorts and Satoru has to resist saying something that will surely end with them in a fight. You must sense the tension because you ask Naoya if he can grab you a drink which prompts an eye roll from him, but he goes anyway.Â
âDoubt heâll be back,â you mutter to Satoru with a smirk. âThat asshole wants to hook up so bad itâs pathetic,â a soft chuckle rushes past your lips.
âNot interested, then?â Satoru jokes, a smile spread across his face.
You narrow your eyes, âHa ha. You know I hate that guy. He wonât be back anyway. No way heâs gonna waste time getting a drink for someone who isnât fucking him at the end of the night.â
If you werenât still watching Naoya push his way through the crowd of partygoers, you may have seen Satoru visibly deflate.
âAh, good to know you havenât lowered your standards,â Satoru says and you laugh. The sound makes Satoruâs head spin. Itâs been so long since heâs heard it.
âI donât think my standards could ever be low enough to fuck Naoya,â you clarify, nose crinkling in disgust. Satoru chuckles at your reaction, watching as you shift uncomfortably before him. You fidget with the hem of your dress before you speak again.
âItâs actually really good to see you, Satoru.â
âIs it really?â
âYeah, Iâve been meaning to reach out for a while. Life just got away from me.â
Satoruâs brows lift in surprise. âReach out for what?â Your eyes are boring into his, wide and surveying, peering into his soul. Just the way they always did.Â
âI just felt like things left off on such a sour note with us. And you reached out trying to build a friendship and at the first sign of things getting weird, I justâŠran. Didnât look back. You were trying and I wasnât. You didnât deserve that.â
He knows youâre referring to the last time youâd spoken, though heâs not sure why youâre the one trying to apologize.
âAnd I just wanted to say Iâm sorry for being a terrible friend to you.â
You always were way too sweet to him. He didnât deserve that.
âI should be apologizing to you,â Satoru shakes his head. âI was still jealous back then. When I said I was worried you were still hung up on me, itâs because I was trying to cover up the fact that I was still hung up on you. Hearing your boyfriend call you babeââ
âEx-boyfriend,â you interrupt, a soft smile gracing your features. Satoru smirks.
âHearing your ex-boyfriend call you babe, it justâŠmade me feel a lot of things I didnât understand at the time. I shouldnât have said what I did to set you off. Iâm sorry.â
Itâs only been a few minutes of you talking and it already feels like a weight has been lifted, like the wall you put up all those years ago has come down. You both must look strange, just standing off in the corner alone staring and smiling at each other like youâre the only two people in the room.Â
You talk a bit more, catch up on life. It doesnât take long for things to feel comfortable between you two again - for your bodies to move a little closer, for your eyes to meet more often, for your shy touches to linger a little longer.
Youâve got your hand wrapped around Satoruâs forearm, snickering at something heâs said. And when you glance up at him, thereâs something in your eyes telling him itâs okay to ask this. Because Satoru is happy to know youâre not interested in Naoya, even happier to know youâve broken up with your college boyfriend, but what he wants to know now is â
âAre you seeing anyone? Dating, I mean,â He asks while he still has the nerve and tries not to let his eyes fall to your mouth when you shake your head and draw your lower lip between your teeth.Â
âNope, single and just enjoying life honestly. You?â
Yes.
âMe?â Satoru asks.
Say yes, stupid.
You nod. âYeah, you. Are you with someone?â
Yes. Yes.
âUhh, wellâŠâ
YES.
The voice in his head is screaming the answer, the one he knows he should give you. The one that would confirm to Satoru that even after everything heâs done, heâs not a shitty person, not a terrible boyfriend. But when he looks at you, eyes shining up at him with those pretty lips curled into a smirk, he doesnât want anything more than to be with you.
God, heâs such a piece of shit. He knows it. Heâs not even thinking about his girlfriend still sitting around waiting for him to come back. Heâs got tunnel vision and the only thing he sees is you.
Say yes!
âIâŠam notâŠwith someone.â
......
The door to Suguruâs master bathroom slams shut, your back pressed against it as Satoruâs lips find your neck, licking a long strip from your collarbone up to your chin.Â
âAh- Toru, the door. Lock the door,â you gasp, threading your fingers into his soft tresses to pull him down for a kiss. His fingers fumble around before he finds the lock, quickly turning before he breaks the kiss to focus on your neck again, kissing and sucking, marking anywhere he can. Your hands move to glide underneath his shirt, fingers grazing over his defined muscles and you sigh just as Satoru moves away from your neck to press his lips against yours.
Soft. So soft. Itâs been so long since Satoruâs had you like this. Heâd forgotten your taste, your smell and right now, it feels like he canât get enough. Fuck the liquor, heâs drunk on you.
âCan I touch you?â Satoru breathes against your mouth. And you nod, kissing him again. He groans as your lips part, tongue slipping out to glide against his lips, seeking entry. And he obliges, gives you all the access you want as your tongues tangle together. You moan into his mouth, the sound shooting straight to his cock.
The dress youâre wearing is nice, simple but fits your body beautifully. Satoru canât wait to get underneath it. He reaches down, pulling the hem of your dress up until itâs sitting at your waist. He slips his hand into your panties, hissing when he feels how soaked you are.
âSo wet for me,â Satoru whispers into the kiss. âYou want me that bad, baby?â
You nod, panting hard. âYeah, so bad, Satoru,â you moan when his fingers glide through your slick fold, back arching off the door. âFuck, I want you so bad.â
âIâm yours, baby.â
His lips crash into yours again, fingers working tight circles against your clit. You cry out, your hands balling into fists as you cling to Satoruâs shirt. He breaks the kiss, pressing his face into your neck as one of his fingers finds your entrance, plunging in slowly. Your mouth opens with a gasp as Satoru pumps into you, curling his finger until he finds your sweet spot.
He pulls back, watches your face as he slips another finger inside. He likes the way your legs shake when he turns his fingers a certain way. And the way your back arches off the door when he presses his thumb to your clit. Itâs all new to him, these reactions youâre giving. You were a lot younger when youâd first become intimate. Now, itâs clear youâre much more experienced. The thought bothers and excites Satoru.
He pulls his fingers from your core, kissing you when you poke your lip out in a pout. And then heâs bending you over the bathroom sink, pushing your dress even higher before he slips his fingers in the waistband of your panties and pulls them down.
âFuck, I never thought Iâd see you like this again,â he groans, palming himself through his pants.
âToru, stop wasting time and fuck me, please.â
Youâre a lot more demanding now too, apparently. He doesnât mind.
âDid you miss me?â Satoru asks, because heâs dying to know. Did you think about him when you were with your boyfriend? Were you trying not to cry out Satoruâs name when you fucked him? Did you want him back as much as he wanted you?
Satoru unbuttons his jeans, pulls his pants and boxers down together, hissing as his cock springs free. Heâs so fucking hard, he could cum just looking at you bent over the sink like this. But Satoru wants to savor you, wants to enjoy this moment of having you again for the first time in so long. He reaches over and pulls open one of the bathroom drawers, fishing around until he finds a condom and he mentally thanks Suguru for always being prepared.
âTell me,â he demands, wrapping a hand around his length. He strokes himself lazily as he rips the condom open. He rolls the condom down his length, lining himself up with your entrance. âDid you miss me?â
Youâre so patient, waiting quietly for Satoru. Although, he can hear your breathing becoming a little harsher in anticipation. Satoru moves behind you, lines himself up with your entrance and just before heâs about to roll his hips forward, he glances up to see his reflection in the mirror with you bent over and ready for him.
âLook at me,â he says. You look up, watching him through the reflection. Even in the dim lighting of the bathroom, Satoru can see your pupils blown wide with lust matching his own. He wants to see you, wants to see your face when you take him for the first time in so long.
âLook at me,â he tells you again.
âOkay,â you breathe.
âTell me you missed me,â Satoru quietly demands as he pushes forward, sliding the tip through your folds and sinking in slowly.
âFuuuuuuck,â your mouth falls slack with a moan. Satoruâs hands find your waist, holding your curves as he sinks into you. âI missed you, Toru. So much, so fucking much.â
âGod, baby, you have no idea how long Iâve been wanting to hear you say that.â
Heâs halfway in and he has to stop to catch his breath because hearing you moan his name like thatâŠHe may not make it all the way in without blowing his load right into the condom. Youâre suffocating him, clenching onto his cock so hard heâs almost afraid to move.
âSatoru, please. Donât stop,â you plead. He meets your gaze in the mirror again, sees the way your eyes burn with desire. Satoru pulls his hips back until only his tip sits inside you and then he rolls his hips forward, burying himself as deep in your cunt as he can.
Your walls clench down on his cock and he moans again before he starts to move, pounding into you at an unrelenting pace. You cry out his name and he keeps moving, not letting up.
Satoru brings a hand around your neck, holding your head in place so he can look at you through the mirror. He sinks into you, bending down to kiss along your neck, your shoulders, your back as he bottoms out again and again, moaning his pleasure against you.
Satoru thinks you feel like heaven. Itâs the only thing he can think when he leans back and grips on to your waist again, watching your face contort in ecstasy. Every little sound you make, every moan, every sigh, every âright thereâ you utter brings Satoru closer and closer to his release.Â
Satoru has missed you. Heâs missed the way your skin feels against his, missed the way your breath hitches in your throat when his cock hits just the right spot, missed touching and grabbing the soft curves of your beautiful body. Missed how your ass bounces with each thrust, cheeks spreading just enough to give him a glimpse of that tight little hole heâs never gotten the chance to have. And god, he hopes no one else has either.Â
More than anything though, heâs missed the way you take all of him, hug him tight like you never want to let him go. Fuck, he could live inside you and never get tired of it. The thought alone, the thought of having you all to himself again has him leaning forward, moaning into the space between your shoulders as he rocks his hips against you. The loud smacking noises of Satoruâs groin meeting your ass echo throughout the bathroom, and he doesnât care who hears.Â
âFuuuck, how are you so fucking tight, still?â Satoru groans, reminiscing on the first time heâd ever had you. An out of body experience for him, personally. Truly unforgettable.
âIâm never letting you go again,â he grunts, feeling your walls begin to flutter around him.
âToru, Iâm close,â you whimper. âSo close, Toru, donât stop.â
âCum for me baby,â Satoru groans, hand sliding down your side to find your center again. He rubs tight circles on your clit, eyes rolling to the back of his head when he feels your pussy squeeze down on him as you cry out his name, your release crashing over you.
Itâs so tight, so fucking tight Satoru thinks he might pass out. He canât breathe, canât think, canât fucking see straight, youâre gripping him so hard.
âAh- fuck, oh fuck! Iâm gonna cum. Baby, Iâm gonna cum,â he grits out as he pushes his cock all the way inside you, thrusting as deep as he can go as hot spurts of cum fill the condom. He leans forward, pressing his forehead against your back as you both catch your breath.
Satoru meant what he said. He never wants to let you go. He has every intention of being with you. After youâve both come down from your highs and cleaned up, Satoru kisses you gently. He watches as you turn back to the mirror. Youâre even more beautiful as you tame your messy hair, fix your makeup and adjust your dress.Â
âDo you wanna get out of here?â He asks, ready to make up for years worth of lost time.
Your eyes meet in the mirror, your lips tilting with a small smile. âYeah, letâs go.â
......
Fingers laced, you and Satoru weave through the party together. The crowd seems to have thinned out now with how late itâs getting. Itâs the perfect time to get out of here with you, take you home and â
âSatoru! There you are!â A familiar voice squeals. The sound makes Satoru quickly yank his hand from your grip. You stop in your tracks, brows furrowing as you look up at him.
âWhatâs the matter?â You ask just as this person you donât know bounds up to him and wraps her arms around Satoruâs neck, pressing a sweet kiss to his cheek before she lets go.
And Satoru isnât sure how he hasnât noticed this before. It seems like some sick twist of fate that itâs only now that youâre standing next to each other that he sees how eerily similar you and his girlfriend look. It makes his stomach churn.
But his girlfriend, so drunk and so sweet, turns to you and beams as she holds out her hand to you. âHi! I donât think weâve met before. Iâm Satoruâs girlfriendâŠâ His stomach nearly drops into his ass. â...you are?â
God, he wishes he could teleport out of here. Or that the ground would open wide and swallow him whole, bury him 8,000 meters beneath the earth. Anything to avoid being present at this moment. He peers down at you briefly, your hand extending to shake his girlfriends for only a second. And Satoru thinks he may be imagining it, the sheer anger he can feel radiating off of your body, even as you return his girlfriendâs sweet smile.
âSatoruâs girlfriend?â You ask and he knows youâre making sure you arenât hearing things. Because not too long ago, he told you he wasnât tied down to anyone. âI wasnât aware he was dating anyone.â
âYep! Been together almost a year now,â she brags cheerily. Satoru really wishes sheâd shut up for once in her damn life.
You breathe out a bitter laugh, gazing up at Satoru and he knows heâs not imagining the rage. He can see it swimming in your eyes even as you reach up, your thumb gently swiping the corner of his mouth where apparently remnants of your lip gloss remained. You hold your finger up to show him and then hold it up to show his girlfriend who five seconds ago was too drunk to notice. She seems to have sobered up quickly now, eyes focused on the lip gloss you just wiped from Satoruâs face.
You introduce yourself to her, wiping your thumb off on your dress before continuing, âAnd Iâm sorry to tell you this, but Iâm the girl who just fucked your lying boyfriend in the bathroom.â
Satoru watches in ill disguised horror as you crane your next to the side, gesturing to the marks he so stupidly made along your neck in the heat of passion. His eyes find his girlfriend who stands there, mouth agape.
âSatoru told me he wasnât seeing anyone. If I had known it wouldnât have happened. And believe me, it wonât ever happen again.â You turn to face Satoru one last time, gritting out, âI canât fucking believe you. After all these years, youâre still such a piece of shit, Satoru.â
You donât wait for a response from him, turning on your heel and storming through the crowd. Satoru watches as your back retreats, not sure what the hell heâd say even if he did catch up to you. How could he explain that he lied about his girlfriend because he wanted to spend more time with you? Itâs not like he planned on fucking in the bathroom, it just happened. But there was no way you were going to give him a second of your time to try and explain.
There was no coming back from this.
When he finally loses sight of you in the crowd, Satoru reluctantly brings his gaze back down to his probably soon to be ex-girlfriend and is met with a fury similar to yours. Again, the similarities are uncanny. All the love and happiness once shining in her eyes is nowhere to be found as one question hangs in the air between them.
âSatoru, what the fuck is she talking about?â
AN: OOF, let me know what you think!
Discord 18+ - Twitter - JJK Masterlist
#gojou satoru x reader#gojo satoru x reader#gojou x reader#satoru gojo x reader#satoru gojou x reader#anime smut#jjk smut#fanfic smut#jjk fics#anime fics#jjk fanfic#gojo satoru fanfic#gojo satoru smut#gojo satoru x you#gojou satoru x you#jjk x you#jjk x reader#cheating fanfic#satoru gojo smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#gojou satoru smut#gojo smut#jjk fic#satoru gojou x you
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CozyTober Day 7: Fresh Baked Goods
Bucky Barnes x wife!reader
wc: 0.9k
warnings: anxiety induced baking
an: this was one of my favorites and now I have a few more ideas of what I should bake this month hehe. Reblog if you enjoyed, I'll see you tomorrow for Day 8!
Since you were old enough to use the stove unsupervised baking has been your main way to get rid of stress. The way that it captured all your focus and kept your hands busy made it the prime choice for distraction in moments of chaos.Â
When finals week would roll around you would be drowning in all sorts of breads, cookies, muffins, and pastries. You had resorted to donating them to a local soup kitchen whenever you could, or forcing them off on your friends, teachers whoever would take them really.
The habit had not broken in adulthood, though you were now more mindful about other ways to cope, when the stress got to be a little too much you resorted to finding a new recipe and firing up the oven.Â
And your husband going on two week-long missions where he wasnât allowed to contact you was a great example of the stress becoming too much. Currently, the little kitchen in the townhome the two of you had bought together last year was absolutely covered in all kinds of goodies. You had some pumpkin rolls, several batches of apple cinnamon muffins, caramel apple cookies, apple turnovers, and some pumpkin and chocolate chip loaf.Â
You were rolling out the four sheets of pie dough you had prepared for the various flavors of filling that are currently cooling in your fridge. Suffice to say that you had overdone it but you really had nothing else to do.Â
You had finished all the cleaning there was to do the first week he had been gone, and you didnât want to mindlessly watch the shows on your list because you promised Bucky you wouldnât watch them without him. You had gone through your entire closet and pulled out things you could donate, you had asked for more tasks from work and then promptly finished all of those too.Â
You had nothing to distract yourself, so you resorted to baking. You knew the treats would get eaten, either by your husbandâs team or the people at your own work if they were left in the breakroom. But youâre not really sure how much longer this can go on before itâs considered an actual problem.
Luckily and unbeknownst to you, you wouldnât have anything to be worried about in a few hours, because your husband would walk through your front door.Â
Bucky hated blackout missions, not only did he think the whole concept was paranoid and that was a lot coming from him, but he had people to miss now. He had ties to the real world, ones he didnât feel entirely comfortable abandoning for two weeks even if youâd talked about it before he left.
He worked hard to get the job done as soon as possible and told Ross to shove it when the general had asked him to stick around for one more day so he could complete the mission debrief. That was Samâs job anyway, the type of bureaucratic responsibility that came along with the stars and stripes plastered across his chest.Â
So he shed himself off his mission gear, changed into his civvies, and hopped on his motorcycle. He didn't wait a second before revving it up and coming home to you.Â
He did not expect however to open the door and be assaulted with the smell of cinnamon, nutmeg, and clove. He sighed and shook his head with a smile, mentally preparing himself for the sight of his kitchen being turned into a bakery.
You didnât hear the door open, too busy humming along to the Fred Astaire record spinning on the table in the corner. You didnât notice Bucky slipping off his boots or hanging up his jacket. You didnât hear the padding of his feet as he made his way to the kitchen and you didnât notice when he propped himself up against the door frame and took in the sight of your baking breakdown.
You did however hear his slightly teasing lilt of âHoney, Iâm home.âÂ
You spin to face the voice and let out an undignified squeal. You spin around looking for a place where you can set the hot pan in your hand and give up, practically throwing it back into the oven before taking a running start and launching yourself at him
His deep chuckle blesses your ears and you dig your nose into his chest taking a big breath of something that can only be described as Bucky.Â
âYouâre home!â yelled muffled by his chest.
He ran a hand down the back of your head over his hand, âYou baked.â
You pull back and look sheepishly at him, hoping that the kisses you scatter across his face will distract him from the abundance of carbs behind you.
It doesnât work. The two of you eat muffins for breakfast every day for the next two weeks, Bucky takes some of the treats to the base with him and says the trainees are grateful but that the sugar makes them annoying. You bring some of whatâs left to your own work and are met with a bunch of thank you e-mails and even a thank you coffee from the nice older woman who sits three desks away from you. The rest you bring to the childrenâs hospital the next time the two of you visit, sweets are always a hit there.
Bucky does ban you from the kitchen for three weeks after though, afraid youâll get the urge again and heâll have to add a few more hours of gym time to his routine to burn off all the carbs heâs been eating.
#cozytober2024#bucky barnes x reader#bucky fanfic#james bucky buchanan barnes#james bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#bucky barnes fanfiction#x reader#plus size reader#plus size!reader#fanfic#fluff#requests open#requests wanted#drabble#marvel fanfiction#bucky barnes#bucky x you#bucky x reader#the winter soldier
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Maybe u could do a Spencer besties to lovers? Like they've known each other a long time yk
Thankssss no pressure if ur busy ofc <3
Itâs Always Been You
cw: reader has a boyf who she breaks up w bc heâs an alchaholic!! donât read if you arenât comfortable, iâll catch you another time ml đ
a/n: EEK IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG THANK YOU FOR BEING PATIENT ANON đ«¶đ«¶đđ also im taking this as smosh spence not cm spence so feel free to re-request if youâd like <33 ps, ive written that he listens to pink floyd here so thats who syd barrett is if you donât know :))
requests r open!!
///
pairing: spencer agnew x fem!reader
florida, 2002
you and spencer were scurrying around in the freshly mown grass of his backyard, playing tag.
âyou didnât get me, you cheated!â you exclaim, ducking as he reaches out to get you again, tumbling to the floor.
âdid too!â spencer retorts, his grazed knees dropping to the floor so he can lean over you. he meets your eyes, pulls a tongue, and hoists himself back up to run to his tyre swing.
all 11 years youâd known, youâd known them with spencer. your moms had been great friends since way before you were born, being in the same book club. or was it an art night? you didnât exactly know, but you did know that because your moms were best friends, so were you and spencer.
as you sprung back up to your feet, your moms watched your antics through the kitchen window.
âwhoever can swing the other the highest gets to have the last red popsicle!â he yelled as you ran over
âoh youâre so on!â
your hands gripped the tyre and you pushed like your life depended on it.
âyâknow,â your mom said âone day, theyâre going to end up together.â
his mom looked over at yours and smiled,
âiâd be surprised if they didnt honestly.â
los angeles, 2024
you walk through the door of your apartment, and you kick the door closed behind you. your bag slides off your shoulder, and you throw your keys onto the dresser next to the door. you only manage a long groan before flopping onto the couch.
âheya, charlie!â you scrunch your face up as you feel your dogâs cold, wet nose press against your cheek, as he gently wags his tail
âi missed you too boy, work was so tiring today.â you work at smosh with spencer, and have done for the past seven years after you left your job at another channel to join him. it was basically the best decision youâd ever made, every day filled with laughs; practically just a 24/7 hangout. you work with spencer on smosh games, but rarely ever go on camera, even if spencerâs there. you enjoy it anyway though.
you sit up and scratch behind his ears. he wiggles his body contently at your fondness. and then your stomach growls. it made sense, it was currently 6:43pm, and you last ate at noon, so you get up and drag yourself to make some mac n cheese.
as the pasta boils your phone starts ringing.
itâs james.
rubbing your hands over your face, you answer the dreaded call from your boyfriend james.
âheyyy~ sweetheart, yâdoin okay? you were hic beinâ a bit of a bitch today, didnt answer my calls, what, you hate me or sumn?â he rambles, most of his words just slurring off.
âjames, are you drinking again?â your voice is agitated, hearing the chattering and the low bass of a bar in the background.
you know he has a problem, and youâve tried to get him to stop so many times. but you just canât. he just wonât take your help.
âwha- i mean- well- no- but um- well yâr just gonna be mad at me like yâallways areâ he stammers, not wanting to tell you the truth.
âno, iâm done with this. you say all this to me when youâre drunk, and then act like everything is fine! iâm sick of it! you spend so much time at the bar, and its the only place we ever go on dates, and i just end up babysitting you! so yeah i am mad! but for the last time! fuck you james.â
you hang up.
you start to tear up, the knot in your chest tight as your emotions come rushing to you, face heating up as tears begin to fall. the hissing of something behind you snaps you out of it.
âshit!â you rush over to to your stove, where the water from your pasta spills over the sides, the flames licking at the bottom of the pan.you take it off the heat and turn it off. it looks done anyway. you add some butter, and, of course, cheese. stirring gently, you sob.
james was so nice to you, always showering you with gifts and praise and love. but it was all for nothing. he just didnât love you like he loved drinking in the end.
pouring the mac n cheese into a bowl, you call spencer.
âhey lemon! howâs my favourite person this fine evening?â you smile at the nickname.
florida, 2007
âspencer, youâre a boy. why are you so complicated? i mean, its just annoying!â you walk into his bedroom after his mom let you in, clearly pissed off. being 16 isnât fun, especially when boys you like are rude to you.
âwhat did he do?â spencer doesnât look up from his computer, just slightly turn his head.
âhe said that i must eat lemons because of how bitter i am. i mean come on!â you lie on his bed and watch him play runescape.
âlemon⊠hmphâ he just smiles and continues whatever he was doing on his game.
âwhat? nothing to say? ugh! you suuuuuck!â
los angeles, 2024
âyeah, i mean, no. i broke up with james.â you sniffle, and eat a forkfull of your food, elbows resting on the cold marble of the kitchen island.
âi mean- um- yeah thats horribleâŠâ he says
âyouâre allowed to celebrate, i know you hated him. and so did everyone. but still. im fragile right now!â you giggle through your gentle tears
âwell, i mean, honestly? glad heâs gone. he sucked dude. not sure why you didnât do it sooner. well, one positive to come of this, your pillows wonât stink of beer next time i nap at yours!â he replies, clearly happy for you.
âyeah,â you chuckle at the memory of spencer falling asleep on your bed, then completing his hair smelt like budweiser âthat is true.â
âall seriousness though, are you okay?â his voice is genuine this time, filled with concern.
âno, not really. itâs just⊠different i guess. but, not much has changed yâknow? like, it already felt like he wasnât my boyfriend anymoreâŠâ you begin to ramble for at least 20 minutes, only to be met with the occasional âmhmnâ and âyeahâ from spencer. mid sentence, thereâs a knock at your door.
âoh one sec, someoneâs here.â you get up from your table and swing the door open to see a very sympathetic looking spencer, two target bags in his hands.
your jaw is on the floor. you were just crying to him over the phone, and heâd stayed whilst going out to get what you can only assume is things like sour patch kids and vanilla ice cream, which you could see at the top of the bag. your favourites.
âgirls night?â he smirked and raised the bags at his sides.
all you can do is smile ear to ear, and wrap him in a tight hug. he leaned into you, basking in your sweet citrusy perfume.
âyouâre my favourite, spencie.â you say into his shoulder.
as you both walk inside, charlie comes bounding over to spencer, his favourite person.
âwhoâs a good boy! charlie is!â spencer was now crouchedby your kitchen island, fussing over your dog as you walked to put on something more comfortable. you slid on some track pants and an old atari hoodie. walking back into your kitchen, spencer has unpacked the bags, and is creating his favourite conconction, The Agnew Sundae. basically the most sickeningly sweet ice cream ever. his dad made it for you both in the summer, and it consisted of:
vanilla ice cream
chocolate syrup
caramel sauce
whipped cream
sprinkles
mini marshmallows
chocolate chips
m&ms
and some crushed oreos to finish.
god, you know youâre going to regret this later, but boy was it a good way to cheer you up.
also strewn on the counter was his switch and copy of animal crossing, a few of his dvdâs for you to watch, and his momâs chocolate chip cookies.
âspencer, how on earth did you get these? your mom lives across the country!â you hold up the baggie, and raise an eyebrow.
he looks up from his ice cream assembly station, and smirks.
âa magician never- ow!â
you cut him off by lightly jabbing his arm
âokay okay, she visited not to long ago - when she took you to the mall? and she gave me these to freeze and keep for an important event. i think sheâd agree this is important.â you cant help but smile at his remark. you missed you moms.
âiâll have to ring her later to thank her.â you say.
the night goes on, and you and spencer sit on the couch under a blanket watching barbie princess charm school. because what else are you going to watch?
as the movie goes on, and the effects of the agnew sundae kick in; you were dozing off on his shoulder. towards the end of the movie, so does he. he drifts off, comforted by your soft hair occasionally brushing against his face.
you stir awake, the sun beaming into your eyes through your semi-open blinds, and youâre hit by a wave of memory. everything that happened last night comes flooding back.
jamesâ call.
spencerâs call.
spencer showing up for you.
at the latter, you smile slightly. you prop yourself up on the sofa, and notice the absence of spencerâs warmth by you. frowning slightly, you walk into the kitchen.
âmorning sleepyheadâ his sweet voice rings through the room
âhey. i thought youâdâve gone homeâ
âno, im not that mean! who do you take me for?â he retorts, his attention turning back to the pancakes on the stove.
âpancakes? what time is it?â you come up behind him, putting your chin on his shoulder.
âyeah, and itâs about 10:30.â he leant his head on yours, flipping one. you had to admit, they look pretty good.
â10:30!?â you lift you head in surprise, looking at your phone âshouldnât we be in work?â
ânope, i called us in sick. said my mom was having surgery. which she is, but i made it sound dramatic so we could stay off.â he looks at you, and smiles slightly.
âwell, send her my love! i think iâll go get dressed now.â he hummed, and you left the room.
opening your closet, you pick out a yellow baggy t-shirt and some grey sweatpants. you pull on some fluffy socks, and slip on a zip up hoodie. walking back out into the living room, spencer walks in with two plates piled high with pancakes, drenched in syrup and strawberries
âso,â you say, a fork full of pancakes in your mouth. âwhats the plan for today?â
he looks over at you, and shrugs slightly. ânot sure, we could go to the book store you like?â
âah, you know the way to a girlâs heartâ you put a hand over your chest and giggle a bit.
a few hours later, you walk into the store, door creaking just a bit as a small brass bell chimes overhead. the air is filled with a comforting mix of old paper, leather bindings, and a hint of freshly brewed coffee from the corner cafe that you and spencer like to get tea from. you breathe it in deeply, a sense of calm washing over you. as you walk over the creaky wooden floorboards beneath you, soft warm light filters down from antique lamps, and cast a gentle glow over the rows of books. you ghost your fingertips over the cloth spines while the quiet murmur of whispered conversations and the occasional rustling of pages create a soothing background noise, almost like a lullaby. through spencerâs airpods, syd barrett serenades you both, and his voice blends seamlessly with the ambiance of the store.
âanything good today lemon?â spencer says as he shimmies up next to you in the aisle of towering book shelves, his voice like honey rolling off his tongue. his hair was unruly as always, but he looked so pretty in this light. his face was littered with freckles that you wish you could kiss. heâs smiling at you, and it snaps you back to reality, and reminds you of the fact youâre staring at him
âuh, yeah, i think iâll get this oneâ you smile back, holding up a copy of memoirs of a geisha by arthur golden
âcool, shayne likes that one i think. but he likes every book soâŠâ he smiles at his own remark âum, you want me to grab our normal seats in the cafe while you pay for that?â
âyes, please!â you reply eagerly, smiling as he walked off.
you walk up to the cashier, an older lady who always gives you a bookmark.
âthank you mâdarlinâ, have a lovely day!â
âyou too mrs bryson!â you reply, heading over to spencer whoâs sat in some plush leather armchairs. as you sit in comfortable silence with him, time seems to slow down, and for a moment, it's just you, spencer, the books, and the comforting atmosphere of this charming bookstore.
âi got you your sweet tea.â he says, handing you a plastic cup filled with your favourite tea.
he remembered.
fuck.
you were in love with spencer agnew, and it took you him handing you your favourite tea to realise it.
âthanks spence.â you say, still grasping the feelings in your chest.
while you read you book and drink your tea, you feel your attention drifting to him. you can't help but glance up from the pages every now and then, watching him as he sits across from you, his focus on his own book. his fingers absently tracing the rim of his coffee mug, his brow furrowing as he reads. the way the sunlight filters through the small window, casting a warm glow across his hair, highlighting the subtle streaks of lighter brown among his dark curls. you find yourself smiling at the sight of him, wondering when these small, mundane moments began to mean so much to you. the bookstore is quiet, aside for the murmur of others reading or talking in hushed tones. yet, with spencer sitting just a few feet away, the world feels like it's faded to the background. it's just you and him, sharing this space, this moment. you watch the way his lips move slightly as he reads, how he occasionally tilts his head in concentration, and the way his eyes light up when he finds something particularly interesting. as he looks up and catches you watching him, you feel a rush of warmth spreading through your chest. he smiles at you, a slow, easy smile that makes your heart skip a beat. he raises an eyebrow, and you quickly look back down at your book, feeling your cheeks flush. but you can't help it; your gaze finds its way back to him, like he's the most interesting story in the room. he seems to notice the shift in the air between you. he closes his book and leans forward slightly, his elbows resting on his knees.
âeverything okay?â he asks, his voice gentle, his eyes filled with genuine curiosity.
âyeah,â you reply, trying to sound casual, though your heart is racing. âjust... glad to be here with you.â
he nods, his smile growing a bit wider. âme too.â
as he settles back into his chair, you realize that this simple exchange has changed something. the air feels lighter, the connection between you stronger. you may have come here to read and relax, but now, sitting across from spencer, you know you've found something else entirely - something you never want to let go of.
as you leave the store, youâre panicking slightly as you realise you donât know what to do. so instead you make up an excuse.
âi forgot my keys ," you blurt out, looking back at the bookstore. it's a thin excuse, but spencer doesn't seem to notice. he simply nods, a hint of concern in his eyes.
"do you want me to wait for you?" he asks, already reaching for his phone to check the time.
"no, it's fine," you reply quickly. "you can go ahead. iâll just be a minute."
spencer seems reluctant to leave, but he nods, offering a warm smile before stepping out onto the street. you watch him walk away, his figure blending into the crowd as he heads toward the main crossing. your heart sinks a little as he disappears from view, and you take a deep breath, trying to steady your racing pulse.
the bookstore feels different now. the warm glow and soft murmurs are still there, but without spencer, it's like the color has faded a bit. you stand by the door, uncertain of what to do next. you could go back outside, catch up with him, and just say it. tell him how you feel. but the words seem stuck in your throat, and the thought of laying your feelings bare feels like too much, too soon.
you step back inside, pretending to look for something you might have left behind. the stacks of books seem to stretch endlessly in front of you, a maze of comforting distractions. you wander through the aisles, hoping to calm your racing thoughts, but all you can think about is spencer - his smile, the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs, the warmth of his voice.
eventually, you find a quiet corner and sit down, closing your eyes for a moment. you know you have to do something. you can't just let him walk away without knowing how much he means to you. but the fear of rejection, of changing everything, feels overwhelming.
you realize you need time to sort through your feelings, to figure out the best way to approach this. with a heavy heart, you decide to make your way home, hoping the familiar surroundings will bring clarity. as you step out onto the street, the cool breeze brushes against your skin, and you take a deep breath, trying to calm the storm of emotions raging inside you.
on the journey home, you replay the moments with spencer in your mind, each one a bittersweet reminder of how much he means to you. you know you can't keep hiding your feelings, but you also know you need to approach this with caution. as you unlock the door to your apartment, you make a silent promise to yourselfâto take the time you need, to listen to your heart, and to find the courage to follow where it leads, even if it means risking everything for him.
when you get home, spencer tries calling you as he paces around his bedroom, his phone pressed against his ear. the ringing continues, but there's no answer. he frowns, feeling an uneasy twist in his stomach. maybe you're still in the bookstore. maybe your phone is on silent, or maybe you're just busy. he tells himself there's a reasonable explanation, but the doubt lingers.
as he walks to his kitchen, he dials again. this time, the call goes straight to voicemail. his instincts tell him something isn't right. the keys excuse felt odd, and your hurried departure only amplifies his worry. he takes a moment to think, then leaves his apartment, jumps in his car, starts the engine, and drives toward your apartment.
the streets pass in a blur as he navigates through the evening traffic, his mind racing with possibilities. he finds a parking spot near your building and heads to your door. the hallway is quiet, save for the distant sound of a tv from a neighbouring apartment. he takes a deep breath and knocks.
nothing.
he knocks again, this time a little louder. the knot in his stomach tightens. what if something's wrong? what if he's too late? he knocks a third time, and this time, he hears a faint rustling from inside. the door opens slowly, and there you are, standing in the doorway with a look of surprise and confusion.
"spence?" you say, blinking at him as if he's the last person you expected to see.
"i - i was worried," he stammers, rubbing the back of his neck. "you didn't answer your phone, and i - i didn't know if you were okay."
you tilt your head, trying to process why he's here. his eyes search yours, and you can tell he's anxious, almost desperate to explain himself. "i'm fine," you say, "just had some stuff to think about."
he nods, but you can see he's not entirely convinced. there's something else, something deeper. he takes a step back, as if he's about to leave, but then he hesitates. "i - i have to tell you something," he blurts out, his words coming out in a rush. "i like you. like a lot. like i think i love you? and i know it might be weird, and i don't want to mess things up, but I just had to say it - because i couldn't keep it to myself anymore.â
he looks at you, his eyes full of emotions you can't quite decipher yet. you nod, urging him to continue, even though your own heart is racing. there's something in his gaze that makes you realize this isn't just any confession - this is something that's been building for a long time.
"i've liked you since we were kids," he says, almost breathlessly. "i mean, you were always the coolest person I knew. you didn't care what anyone else thought. you were smart and funny and just... so genuinely kind. i remember when we used to ride our bikes around the neighbourhood, and you'd always be the first one to try something new. like, remember when you climbed that huge tree in mr lawson's yard just because you wanted to see the view from the top? i thought you were so brave."
he chuckles softly, his gaze softening as he reminisces. "and then, when we got older, you were always there for me. when my parents split up, and i felt like everything was falling apart, you were the one who came over with a pizza and just listened. you didn't try to fix it; you just let me talk. that's something i've always loved about you. you're a great listener, and you care about people. like, really care."
he shifts his weight from one foot to the other, his eyes locking with yours. "it's not just that, though. It's the little things, too. the way you laugh at the dumbest of angelaâs jokes, the way you get excited about your favorite books, and how you always know the right thing to say when I'm feeling down. you make everything feel... lighter, you know? like, even when things are tough, you find a way to make it better."
spencer pauses, his voice growing more earnest. "so yeah, i've um, been holding onto this for a while, and i just, couldn't keep pretending that i didn't feel this way. i like you - a lot. and i don't know if you feel the same way, but i just couldn't not tell you anymore."
he takes a step back, the tension in his shoulders indicating that he's prepared to leave if needed. "i don't want to make things weird between us. if you don't feel the same, that's okay. i just had to say it, because you're the best thing in my life, and i can't keep acting like you aren't."
his confession takes you by surprise, but as he speaks, you feel a surge of warmth in your chest. the words you were struggling to say are suddenly so clear, so obvious. you watch as he starts to turn away, his shoulders slumping in resignation. before he can take another step, you grab his arm and pull him back, your lips pressing against his in a gentle, yet desperate kiss.
he freezes for a moment, stunned by your sudden action, then his arms wrap around you, pulling you close. when you finally break the kiss, you look into his eyes, and there's no doubt, no hesitation.
"it's always been you," you whisper, your voice soft but sure. "you're my person, spencer."
he hugs you tightly, his grip firm and comforting, as if he's afraid you'll disappear if he lets go. you rest your head on his shoulder, feeling the steady beat of his heart against your cheek. it's a perfect moment, one that feels like the beginning of something new, something beautiful.
and as you stand there in each other's embrace, you know that everything's going to be okay, because you have each other. and that's all that matters.
#spencer agnew x reader#spencer agnew#smosh#smoshyourheadin#angela giarratana#amanda lehan canto#arasha lalani#courtney miller#shayne topp
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