#i miss the engagement not for the sake of popularity but for the sake of community

[llitchilitchi]

I miss and mourn the days of summer 2022, I don't think I've ever been that happy and fulfilled as an internet artist in my life

[cursingtoji]

cw: band au, rockstar!geto x groupie!gf, slight manipulation?, car sex, oral. a/n: geto deserves a loser gf too. gojo version nanami version

geto who has a rock band and though they’re quite small they already have a #1 fan: you.

the band is all you talk about, going to the point of making your own shirts and posters, you doodle the bands logo everywhere and, most importantly you don't miss a single concert.

by the end of it you're waiting next to the back door of the pub when the band comes out, as soon as you see suguru you call his name extending your little gift bag.

"woah for me? thanks, doll." he takes your chin and gives your glossy lips a peck that makes your heartbeat spike up and your face warm up. geto fucking suguru just kissed you!

during all that week you were on cloud nine, so distracted and giggly.

of course geto notices you, always in the front row and ready to give the band some gifts, he sees how you try to dress up as one of them before they even realize they have a visual identity.

geto likes having fangirls, if anything that’s the best sign that the band is doing well. till that point he never considered engaging to one in a more intimate level. after all, women were never a problem for him, fans or not.

the problem is when they think more of the relationship than it really is. geto has always made sure they knew that sleeping together and treating them well was not synonymous to committed relationship.

because he already is committed. to his music. so after spending the whole day trying to come up with a new song so the band may finally have a complete album to present to a record, he takes a frustrated break picking up his phone and to his dismay only finding a long message about how he hurt someone’s feelings.

“oh for fucks sake” he lets his phone fall on the couch and take his keys, this is not a good week to quit smoking.

“geto?” he hears a small voice calling him after he leaves the convenience store with a very much needed cigarette on his lips and nicotine in his system.

“oh hey” he recognizes you by name and face.

“you’re using the lighter” you point out enthusiastically, that was a limited edition you bought and gifted him.

“that’s right, you bought me this, did i say thank you?” he’s genuinely wondering, your face heats remembering the kiss.

“i-its no big deal” you brush it off, since he doesn’t seem to be in a rush you start to babble about one specific song and everything you loved about it, knowing he was the composer.

“do wanna go to my place?” he says after quietly listening to your passionate thoughts. you think steam is about to come out of your ears at how hot your face got.

geto throws away what’s left of his cigarette and takes your hand, not really waiting for a response since the heart in your eyes is pretty obvious.

“you’re so cute” he says with his face mushed into your breasts as he guides your movements on his lap. you never guessed when you came out this morning you would be riding your favorite guitarist’s dick a few hours later, if you knew you probably would’ve put a sexier lingerie. not that he would care, by the way he pushed your bottoms down all at once he probably didn’t even know what color your underwear was.

geto pulled your hair tilting your head to meet his mouth, he devoured you so intensely, so overwhelming… you came not even needing your clit to be touched, just by having him inside you and breathing into your mouth like that was enough.

for suguru it was all a power trip, when he saw you after a concert he knew it wouldn’t take you much sweet talking to get you in his car.

he quickly mumbled an excuse to meet the band at the bar later and in just a few minutes he had you bobbing your head down his cock, “just like that, gorgeous, so good” his head is thrown back as he moans softly.

and as the band grew more popular and they had to travel to other cities to perform he would always count on you to meet him at his hotel room.

“geto~” you mewl his name as he eats your pussy from behind so lewdly.

from the very first time you knew it was over for every other guy the moment he touched you. no matter what anyone said about geto, that he was using you, he would never marry you, you didn’t care. you would be his devotee as long as he wanted.

and geto got all he wanted, a pretty little thing that didn’t complain or asked too many questions and best of all: that loved his music and understood his work.

“i know, you have to practice” you kiss him one last time before gathering your clothing from the floor, the hints of him not wanting to stay over were all memorized at this point, so you turn your back at him and make your way to the bathroom to brush your teeth.

but the usual sound of the door opening and closing never came, instead you saw him coming from behind to lace strong arms around your waist, “well maybe just tonight” he smells your hair and through the mirror he sees the tattoo bellow your belly button, just above the hem of your underwear. your prof of love: the logo of the band.

geto touches it and you giggle at the feathery feeling, like a tickle, he likes that sound. he likes you.

“i was thinking you should get another, right here” a finger caress your right ass cheek.

“the same one?” you ask confused.

“no, silly, something else” he gets down hands caressing your hips and kissing the extension of your butt, “my name.”

[astralnymphh]

CALLING ALL FANFICTION AUTHORS!

please reblog this. i've talked about this twice before, but obviously not everyone has seen it. i am calling for anyone who writes fanfiction or posts about a certain game/show/universe in any connective manner to please, please- PLEASE, copy this memo below comprising links to supporting palestine, education on the situation in gaza, and a must-need for those who engage in TLOU tumblr; links regarding the creators (neil druckmann) zionism, and how the plot of tlou2 is based on the israeli occupation of palestine. i don't care if what you write seems "insignificant" or "small" in the grouping of larger fics. no. everything that is not related to palestine in any form NEEDS these links. because, when we stray away from reblogging, or writing up our own posts in support of palestine/sharing journalists stories/etc. even for a SINGLE piece of writing, we could be missing people who are unaware (which, shouldn't be the case atp, but..) and fucking especially because in these fandoms, fics are the most popular thing. not reblogs about palestine, unfortunately; there are so many fanfiction accounts who very clearly don't give a fuck about the whole situation, seeping in silence, posting fics during strikes, not taking accountability for it now, so on and so forth. please, for the love of all that is good- CALL THEM OUT! people gaining hundreds of notes, tens of reblogs, supportive comments on a post that completely disregards what is happening SO BOLDLY right now, should irk you. i swear, if i see one more fuckass "i didn't know!" apology from an author who is CONSTANTLY on tumblr, REGULARLY posting fanfiction, i'm going to fucking lose it. if you are on tumblr to begin with, being this active- you have time to reblog. actually, educating yourself and reblogging is way quicker than writing up fanfiction of any length. are you fucking kidding me? you are laughable. comical, not real, and i have nay an ounce of respect for you. ever. but besdies that; the memo. i want everyone to copy this, or make something similar. put this above your summaries, authors note, whatever comes before the writing. every post you make should link back to supporting palestine, cause you never know how many eyes it will reach. it could change a lot of things. on pc, i believe copying it completely will preserve the links, but i'm not sure if mobile will. again. do whatever you can to add it. don't be lazy. put this in ur masterlists/navigation too.

for all fanfiction authors:

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸

READ: this account stands with palestine, and so— i require everyone who interacts to educate themselves, and support/donate. READ THESE; 1 and 2, HELP HERE, BOYCOTT. silence is complicity, do not scroll past this.

for tlou fanfiction authors:

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸

READ: this account stands with palestine, and so— i require everyone who interacts to educate themselves, and support/donate. READ THESE; 1 and 2, HELP HERE, BOYCOTT. silence is complicity, do not scroll past this.

DO NOT BUY THE REMASTER, TLOU2, TLOU1, OR ANY GAME FROM NAUGHTY DOG! neil druckmann (the creator) is a zionist. PLEASE READ THIS. AND REBLOG THIS.

you may add what is necessary, i wanted to keep it short for attention span sakes, and to avoid people skipping it entirely, and so on. i may edit these, fix up anything, but again, if you're using them you can edit them however. as long as you are linking anything in general, that is what matters. thank you, love from aestra. from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸

[puppyeared]

this could just be "gatekeeping but im being really polite abt it" but. its less abt thinking only certain ppl should be allowed in, and more like i dont wanna open a pandoras box that makes it difficult for everyone to have fun. shrugs

i wanna post my skip to loafer art but i cant do it knowing ppl are gonna put it on tiktok and pinterest bc itd be like. bringing an invasive species ykwim

[hellspawndoodles]

I think the reason the 'stoner/pervert' characterization for Ben pisses me off so much is that I know exactly where it came from and how badly the fandom missed the damn point of it.

See, that version of him came from Pastamonsters, aka one of THE Creepypasta fancomics. And there it was handled really well.

He took weird Magic Drugs not so much for the sake of getting high (though there's absolutely nothing wrong with just enjoying the feeling) but because if he didn't, he became a murderous lunatic and completely lost control of his powers. I think it was due to being connected in some way to Zalgo iirc? Basically he was the Creepypasta equivalent of Gamzee Makara.

And he wasn't really a 'perverted joke character', he was a young adult man trapped in the body of a child who was just starting to go through puberty at his time of death. He's incredibly repressed because he's desperate for intimacy and has physical urges he literally cannot act on without engaging in extremely concerning behavior because most people aren't physically attracted to him and he's HORRIFIED at the idea that someone might be because, may I remind you, he is permanently stuck with the body of a barely-pubescent boy and painfully aware of that.

Basically his more humorous traits are, in fact, coping mechanisms (self-medication and hypersexual behavior as a result of not having having many, if any outlets that won't leave him or someone else traumatized), it's just that the comic is at least a LITTLE subtle about it and drip-feeds you all this so half the readers thereof completely missed it, making those traits in OTHER versions of him feel hollow and like they're slapped on just because they're popular headcanons.

[iersei]

okay. let's talk about black terry jr.

-

TL;DR: terry jr is black. that is something that should not be erased. regardless of your access to or willingness to search for the canon material that confirms this, you should not be depicting him as white. whitewashing terry by refusing to think of him as black creates an unsafe space for our black community members, and you should re-examine your personal biases if you choose to insist on continuing to see terry as white.

-

terry jr is black. point-blank. and if terry jr is canonically black, then he should be depicted as such.

i will concede that it is something that you might not spot if you listen through the podcast casually. it's something that i didn't know was actually official in any capacity until recently. and i would like to note that i do not have and have never had access to the dndads patreon. i have not listened to any of the teen talks in full (even the ones released to the public. it's just not my jam.), and any information or spitballing contained within is something that i have either been told second-hand or am completely unaware of. i also didn't look at the official poster (the "everything is alright" poster) that depicted both terry jr and samantha as black.

but the fact of the matter remains that terry jr and samantha are black and have been acknowledged as such within the source material.

once again, i myself didn't seek this information out enough to know it was official canon. so then why have i always depicted them as black anyway?

well when i started engaging with the fandom, i saw what was being presented to me in the fandom was overwhelmingly that terry was indeed black or at least popularly interpreted to be black. and my first and only thought was that that was nice. so i decided to roll with it.

if i really wanted to check if that was canon and it being canon was important to me, i could always have asked around. i could've sought out information from official sources. because if they were black and i just missed it in some way, i would've wanted to check myself. especially because doing so would lead to whitewashing.

but i didn't feel the need to do that because i think that just the added racial diversity was really cool to see on its own.

for argument's sake, there is still the possibility that you'd think it is simply just popular fanon. let's say you chose to not check for yourself whether or not he was canonically black. or let's say that, for whatever reason, you think that what is available isn't enough to sufficiently deem him canonically black. so let's discuss why terry should still be depicted as black even if it was "just" fanon and there were no official artworks to go off of.

i am not of the opinion that fanon in general should be taken as gospel. in fact, there are quite a few things within dndads fanon itself that i personally disagree with and choose not to engage with. the reason why this interpretation in particular is a sore spot is the question of why, after seeing the popular portrayal and recognizing the ability to create racial diversity in a space where a good amount of appearances and identities can be up for interpretation, someone would still choose to depict him as white.

why do you choose to depict him as white? do you have any personal biases that make you think that he would or should be white? do you think that it is unimportant or inconsequential to not depict him as a person of color?

what would be so compelling about making him white that you would choose to go against this interpretation? why is it so important that you continue to see him as white?

who are you ignoring in the process?

i do not think it is deliberately malicious to initially think that terry jr is white. it is the unfortunate truth that white tends to be considered the default. but it begins to rub me the wrong way when anyone chooses to stick with that idea when presented with any evidence or argument to the contrary.

though i will admit that i am not black, i am still a person of color. and i think that creating a fandom space where we can highlight, create, and celebrate racial variety means creating a space where people of color feel safer. and because i would like to uplift the black fandom member who tried to voice their own personal take on this matter, i would like to link back to [this post from vivalapersistence] as the reason why i felt compelled to talk about this in the first place.

i don't want to talk over him, but i want to point out his statement that having this kind of solid representation is important and means something to him as a black person in this community. erasing terry as black means that you would be, intentionally or not, erasing and silencing black voices. it takes away that element of representation within the fandom and does real harm to the black people within when you decide that that representation isn't important. there are real racial connotations to the argument here, and it's frankly a little callous to pretend like there's not.

so maybe let's be nice to the BIPOC in our community spaces, okay?

and i want to make it clear right now. if you want to discuss what i say here, you can discuss this with me.

[trashogram]

i think the worst creative mistakes viv ever made with HB is letting Brandon rogers into the writing room, because she wanted the show to be more action but it’s brandon who wanted the shipping and i feel like that in turn ruined all the other characters because they had to make stolas look good, i remember when he was just the rich guy blitz was fucking and i miss when the show wasn’t romantic 😔

Really??? I’m not at all calling you a liar, please don’t take it that way! But I’m curious where you got this information/belief because I’ve heard (and felt tbh) the exact opposite?

It seems a lot more in line with Vivienne to be all about shipping. Her background is being in fandom — I first got into her art around 2008 on DA, which used to be a lot more popular than it is today and fandom culture thrived there along with Livejournal and FF.net as well as various forum boards. She’s been engaged with and made content for online fandom for years, and fandom has an unfortunate history of fetishizing gay romance between fictional characters to the point of openly hateful rhetoric toward any other characters in the show that might get in the way of their mlm ship — especially female characters. It’s also Vivienne’s shows, with her name on them as the main creator, that prioritize male characters and emphasizes their angst/how pathetic she can possibly make them.

Brandon’s career has mainly consisted of comedy sketches from my understanding, not so much romantic content (has he made legitimate romance content??? I apologize, I’m not really familiar with his work.) or action — Brandon’s sketches are very fast-paced/quick cuts but idk if that’s on par with an Avengers flick. He has a background in crafting jokes not Vivienne, and I assumed Viv knew that so she hired him on to assist with Helluva Boss as it was initially pitched to be a dark comedy.

I also find it hard to believe that Brandon, the VA for Blitzø (our initial and supposed main character in HB), would be happy to have his character not only sidelined in his own show, but legitimately brutalized by the narrative and characters for… not returning the feelings of a whiny rich speciesist prince that coerced him into what essentially amounts to sex trafficking just so Blitzø can put food on the table? Brandon most likely came into this thinking he was creating more comedy, but I don’t see how this twisted melodrama is all that funny. I have personally made a fair few jokes about how I would be extremely disheartened by how Helluva Boss has mistreated Blitzø if I was Brandon.

I agree that the characters in Helluva Boss have all been ruined for Stolas’s sake, and for the Stolitz ship. I also wish it wasn’t romantic, not because I can’t enjoy romantic stories but because HB isn’t good at it.

[aheartofdawn]

As Democrats struggle to come to terms with the results of this week’s election, some young women are looking abroad for inspiration. Women across social media have been exploring an idea called 4B, a protest movement in South Korea that calls for women to boycott men.“Now I am, how you say this, a ho, but I really want to get behind this 4B movement,” begins one TikToker, who goes on to say she approves of women withholding sex from men. “After this election — where women were pretty much told to their faces that no one gives a shit about them — don’t forget, ladies, we do have power. And you know the kind of power I’m talking about. Giving up our bodies to men is a choice. We don’t have to do this.”

The TikTok tag #4bmovement currently has thousands of posts with millions of views, and Google search interest in the term spiked after the election. Some of the social media posters are clearly joking out of a combination of rage, stress, and sadness — but others are more serious.“Once you can get out of your mind that you will not be missing out by engaging in this behavior, you will be better off,” one earnest TikToker says. “I encourage you to reclaim your power and have really honest conversations with yourself about whether being in a romantic relationship with men at this point in time is worth it.”

The tenets of 4B are extremely different from the kinds of feminism that tend to flourish in the US, where popular culture places a premium on choice and empowerment. Mainstream feminist campaigns here usually celebrate women’s ability to make their own decisions and do whatever makes them feel best as individuals.The point of 4B and Escape the Corset, however, is not to make women feel more fulfilled or more at home in their bodies. It is also not to put pressure on men as individuals to reform their ways. The point of 4B is to send a message about the structure of society — to say it’s not acceptable that you are valued only for your fertility and sexual appeal — and to ensure your independence.In an academic paper about the movement, author Hyejung Park translates a 2019 video from the South Korean activist group SOLOdarity: “It is true that tal-corset [Escape the Corset] comes with some inconveniences,” the activists allow. “When your hair is short, you might have to get a haircut more frequently, and you might need to buy a whole new wardrobe for tal-corset. Nevertheless, we practice tal-corset because it is not about being more comfortable. It is about not being a doll, a second-class citizen.”

The idea of refusing to wear skirts for the sake of your politics, even if you like them, is an attitude that has been out of favor in American feminism since the end of the second wave in the 1970s. Still, there is a discipline and a radicalism to this form of activism that you can easily understand feeling attractive for America’s angry young women in this moment. It supposes a world that so emphatically decenters men and their desires for women that men themselves disappear from a woman’s life. After the US elected a symbol of masculine aggression and violence to our highest office for the second time, a person can see the appeal.The idea of such severe and uncompromising protest also makes sense considering the reams of smirking rape jokes that the mere discussion of 4B online has provoked. Many American 4B TikToks have comments from men under them crowing, “Your body, my choice,” a refrain that young fans of far-right influencer Nick Fuentes have reportedly taken to parroting in schools.“[W]omen threatening sex strikes like LMAO as if you have a say,” a post from one X account with 122,000 followers went.

It’s worth remembering, though, that the divide between left and right in this country does not neatly map across gender divides. While we won’t know until later how the numbers break down, early exit polls say 45 percent of all women and 53 percent of white women voted for Trump. Trump surrounds himself with enabling women, and the likes of Marjorie Tyler Greene gleefully shriek misogyny across the floors of Congress.A possible lesson of the Women’s March era — that feminist reaction to the first Trump term — is this: Uniting in a large group as a pure expression of rage is not always sustainable. The Women’s March collapsed because of vicious infighting, which is traditionally what happens to large leftist groups in the US.Perhaps it’s time for American feminism to get specific and disciplined about its action points. 4B is specific and it is disciplined, which is part of what makes it difficult to translate out of its cultural context and into America. It is clear on its goals, which are to take personal autonomy through the force of one’s own denial, rather than to ask for it at the polls or in interpersonal relationships.A line of inquiry American feminists might take from 4B is this: What are you going to work toward? And what are you going to do to get there?

[writingjourney]

I’m in need of some advice and kind words. As a fellow writer I’m really struggling to believe people will and want to read my stuff. There’s no real engagement anymore and I’m worried that if I post my long-form fic that no one will give it a chance. It’s really bringing me down because I love it so much but it feels like no matter what I try to do my stuff just doesn’t get seen or liked? I’ve even thought about changing my entire way of how I do things since I don’t think the way I write is working for the masses. How do you keep up the motivation as a popular writer and do you have an advice?

Hello anon!! I feel like this is something many of us currently deal with. And first of all I seriously hope that you do share your story!! ♡

To be completely honest with you the lack of engagement in the fandom has for sure impacted my own motivation which is why I haven't been putting as much time into longer fics (nor the Friday Nights series or IKNBS, I do write but I refuse to force myself). I don't feel any urgency because uploading fics hasn't made me as happy as it used to. It feels like only other active writers are reading fic atm and it creates a lot of pressure on creatives to stay super active.

I'm aware that I'm insanely privileged to have the engagement that I do have, that the type of stories I want to write are also the type of stories that generally seem to appeal. However, engagement tells you NOTHING about the quality of your work, only how many people are active in a fandom or like a specific pairing/character/trope. Your own unique voice matters more than numbers.

I also notice that a lot of people who used to read my works have disappeared which I completely understand. The fixation can ebb away during times of inactivity or when a certain hype dies down. People just don't get that dopamine hit anymore and move on. It's also entirely possible they get tired of a certain style of writing and prefer other writers at times, what do I know. I definitely don't blame anyone for that. First and foremost people should read for their own enjoyment and engage with fandom in a way that makes them happy. It makes no sense to pressure people into engaging. A huge issue right now is people overthinking these things which makes support transactional instead of genuine.

I don't care much about notes but I REALLY miss the feeling of sharing a fic with people who are excited for it, that sense of an active community. BUT the activity will come back – the movie will come out, new music and videos, heck even a whole new Papa!!! That's the natural flow of things. We can't be excited and super active all the time, we need phases of calmness as well (which is an act of rebellion in the capitalist hellscape of overproduction and churned out content. I am honestly glad Ghost is taking it easy).

Now, I recommend you write your story exactly how you want to!!! do NOT change it for the sake of popularity because it will lose its very soul and you will struggle to be happy with it by the end. You know how you want to tell your story and nothing else matters. It will find its readers or you can wait and share it at a later point. I recommend that you approach other writers and readers and intensify that contact, make friends and talk to them about your stories, hype each other up, share snippets. It's even more meaningful to know people you like enjoy what you do. I am currently working on super niche fics for non-Ghost characters and I'm honestly having a great time chasing that dopamine by just writing what I'm really into and sharing it with friends. Fandom is community, fandom is fun and we can work to make it better for everyone.

A few general tips when it comes to making stories accessible: Format them to be readable (paragraphs!!), add a "read more" break, add proper content information and a nice summary to draw people in, add some visual appeal like a banners or stock image edits (like i do for IKNBS) and then tag the fics with relevant tags (and only those). Also make sure to tag the OG post, tags on reblogs do nothing for reach. Engage with the community when you feel like it and it's likely that the community will engage back. Being supportive is worth it, being kind is always worth it even if it amounts to nothing.

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Hey uh quick question:

Does Mary Jane canonically have any other past love interests?

I was just thinking how many romantic interests Peter's had in the past.

Mary-Jane being the most popular of them all, followed by Gwen Stacy, Felicia Hardy (Black Cat), and Betty Brant.

This list also is missing Cindy Moon aka Silk, in which Peter and her had a sexual but not fully romantic relationship.

Then I realized, does Mary Jane have any exes?

Like.. an ex-boyfriend? Or a dude she's actually shown having a full relationship with, like he is with Gwen.

Recently in the comics we got Paul - but he was horribly written, and they glossed over how they got together, the kids they seem to be raising together, etc etc, for the sake of drama.

In Spider-man 2 we see her engaged to John Jameson, but he's a fucking cardboard cutout of a person with barely any plot weight and no relationship development.

I mean REAL exes we see her have a connection or at least complex relationship with - in the way he does Felicia.

Felicia has exes - A LOT. Flash Thompson, her and Cindy Moon have a thing, Matt Murdock, etc.

But then again, Felicia is portrayed as the 'sneaky city girl' and MJ as the lovely loyal faithful girl in the chair back home.

As soon as Peter start irking her Felicia be like:

😭😭😭😭

WHAT ABOUT MJ?!

please don't tell me they're playing my girl.

Peter and her breakup over some weird ass reason like once every run - but no exes??

Am I missing something?

You'd think the insanely talented actress/journalist with the bombshell looks and amazing humor would be having more luck on the dating scene then Peter's broke ass- you know what lemme not 😭😭😭😭

If Peter has a bunch of exes but MJ has none....

[zoobus]

I'm not normally a victim of FOMO tactics, nor do I usually let being late to the party stop me from chatting about a piece of media but I'm genuinely sad I didn't get into Obey Me/Nightbringer earlier. It makes me want to write a million essays but the disposable and decentralized nature of gacha kind of makes it feel like you missed your chance to talk about it. I keep coming across years old, unrepliable comments that I want to jump on sooo bad but I can't because the moment is gone and most of these people have likely moved on to less overtly money-hungry games.

Which sucks! because one essay I want to write in particular is how this game is extremely skilled in arousing your desire to create, to actively engage with the characters and worldbuilding, to do fandom shit, and I find this enormously fascinating in itself. The story isn't good but to a certain extent, it's not supposed to be; it functions as an elaborate set of writing/art/rp prompts for its audience to expand on and tailor to their needs.

And I think Obey Me does this well! Amazingly well. I find discussion of narrative structure fascinating, the study of how we define writing as effective, good, or as failures, so I'm drawn to this story full of contradicting lore, one-note characters, and half-finished plots. The story isn't good but that hardly matters because it's not here to be a good story; it's here to throw you into imagination boot camp. It compels you to speculate what it could be, what this character could be, what a slightly different tone would look like, what other people think about it. It feels distinct from the average popular show fandoms where, to an extent, creators congregate simply because that's where the people are. Creating for your own sake is nice and all but validation is usually a stronger force. Usually.

I keep coming across old high effort researched posts about abrahamic religions and occultism from fans setting themselves up for inevitable disappointment. I keep coming across creators leaving notes on their work like "I haven't written a thing in ten years, but,". I keep losing it over heartfelt posts defending x and y canon story decisions with their whole chest, oblivious to the fact that they're misremembering their personal tweaks/headcanons as what happened in the game, like it's seriously so cute when they're so passionate and completely wrong.

I have no idea if fandom actually plays a role in the lucrativeness of a franchise (though as a personal anecdote, I 100% started Obey Me after a single piece of horny Mammon fanart crossed my dash), but it makes more sense to me now, less a projection of wishful/haterful thinking from those with strong opinions about Fandom. Maybe it really does matter.

---

Other essays I missed the boat on:

A Casino Right in Your Home: goddamn is the pre/sequel's gacha obscene

Satan: how to put a mid character into S-tier with one simple trick (make him insane)

Sorry Belphie defenders but you're imagining a better psycho than you were given

Solmare added a shiny new rhythm game but didn't fix the now four year old coloring error on Levi's hands lmfaooo the disrespect is crazy

Remember when you saw the Nightbringer trailer of them glaring in bdsm gear with freshly blackened wings, and you thought "ah, so this takes place right after they fought god and lost. After they went to war to protect their sister only for her to die anyway. After one brother in particular saves someone, but not her, the focal point of the war. They will finally take these to their logical, guilt despair rage pain and grudge filled ends." And you were correct until that very last sentence? lol

Remember when the Ruri-chan event gave you the option to tell Levi you're not cheating on him and then the rest of the event was just making out with his brothers? Then it ends with you kissing him in front of them? Bring that energy back!!!

[svtminji]

𐙚 ‧ RELATIONSHIPS ─── romantic

I 𝓲. I johnny (nct) x oc ୨୧ jeonghan x oc warning: mentions of a miscarriage in johnny's section

╰ johnny + minji -> johnji popularity: 89% - type of relationship: best friends

johnji : 🌺. ─── basic info.

age difference: six months (feb. 1995 & aug. 1995)

time span: may 2018 - sept. 2019

how it began: since both of them were trainees under sm, they managed to create a bond as they were mainly english speakers. although minji did depart from the company three years prior to johnny’s debut, they managed to stay in contact with each other. after a few years of only seeing each other through a screen, johnny asked out minji and she said yes.

dating announcement: it was announced by dispatch on december 31st, 2018. dispatch stated that the couple had been dating months prior to exposing this.

break-up announcement: all good things must come to an end and the couple had realized that. they loved each other deeply but they knew that in the entertainment industry, dating is looked down upon. both of them made the conscious decision to stop their relationship due to their busy schedules and it was announced by their respective companies.

their relationship now: BESTIES!!! omg i cannot stress this enough. friendship dates & many visits to the dorm. mizuki became friends with all of nct by this

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ 민지 ⠀𓍼⠀⠀⠀𝐉.⠀⠀⠀쟈니

johnji : 🌺. ─── etc.

how the public responded: people criticized both of them due to their two-three year dating ban once debuting. they later accepted that their hate couldn’t break them from loving each other. some netizens still criticized minji for being lazy enough about her career.

reason they broke up: the tough schedule between idols dating was easy enough for them to manage. though both nct & svt were getting popular during this time and it lead to them seeing less and less of each other. they both made the conscious decision to break up for the sake of their careers because minji was receiving much stress from the upcoming tour. the pair ended in good terms and still see each other as something that was long ago.

during the time they were dating, minji had morning sickness which led to a pregnancy test. it had came back positive and it was exciting news for the couple. although the sudden news was early in their relationship, both of them knew that they would definitely be good parents. minji and johnny both ended up with the name sienna for their babygirl, or hyunwoo for their babyboy; yet their dreams of having a family would end up shattered.

a song that represents them: best friend - rex orange country & sienna - mizuki

╰ jeonghan + minji -> jeongmi popularity: 101% - type of relationship: engaged besties

jeongmi: 🌺. ─── basic info.

age difference: three months (aug. 1995 & oct. 1995)

time span: nov. 2020 - present

how it began: after a few years of on-and-off flirting and flings, mizuki realized how much she really missed him on nights when she was alone. he was her other half and they were always stuck together like glue.

dating announcement: as always the couple was exposed by their favorite news reporter, dispatch. yet dispatch was not the first signs of their dating accusations. their first stages of trying out new things began with a soft launch. saesangs & carats would see them two by themselves going on "friend dates". although dispatch was the one to announce it, both of them properly announced their relationship once they felt it was time for everyone to understand their relationship. january 6th, 2021 was the day they announced it.

engagement announcement: the couple announced their engagement on february 15th, 2023. both minji and jeonghan had made an instagram post celebrating their engagement, with their comments disabled. although many fans were happy, some netizens had their concerns about the future of seventeen.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ 민지 ⠀𓍼⠀⠀⠀𝐉.⠀⠀⠀정한

jeongmi: 🌺. ─── etc.

how the public responded: many netizens supported it as they were both getting into the age of settling down and placing roots. though, a few people slut-shamed minji for dating a fellow member but was later thrown off due to the massive support.

q&a: do they see having kids in the future? yes, both of them have ... :3 and they always talk about their relationship regarding the future. although minji might have some unresolved pain from a prior pregnancy, she does not mind trying once again to have a child.

a song that represents them -> style - taylor swift & kingston - faye webster

lol i decided to update this post bc the layout was HORRENDUS. omg... never again. i cant spell but thank you for either reading or rereading!

[circular-bircular]

Miscellaneous Thoughts

Alright, now that I’ve sat for a bit with my thoughts, got food, and destressed some…

Thoughts are going under a cut. This is all just ramblings and musings in regards to syscourse. Don’t take it too seriously.

I am sick and tired of the “sides of syscourse” bullshit. There aren’t sides. The sides are completely arbitrarily decided by those who tout themselves as leaders of the community, and if they don’t do so themselves, they are held up as paragons by those who regurgitate their disgusting displays in attempts at coherent thought.

I do mean that in regards to “all sides.” There are some of those who follow me who sicken me with how they attempt to interpret my words.

But then there are those who also engage with conversation, when possible. There are those who attempt to further conversations. And there’s those who are just trying their best, to understand or to learn more.

I’m… frustrated. Mostly that I can’t exist without this. It’s my entire disorder. I can either exist openly online as a DID system while participating in syscourse, or I can’t be online as a DID system. I can’t have a blog about my experiences without having to bring Endogenic systems into it, in some way.

I see my endogenic friends struggling right now due to fakeclaiming, and that’s hell. But I also see endogenic systems saying, “anti-endos have no idea what it’s like, having people tell you each day that they hate you or that you don’t exist!” And I know they mean me. Because they believe anti-endo means CDD.

I’m a CDD system. I’ve got DID. I struggle with it. And each and every day, I see more and more people who are trying to punch at the anti-endos doing things that directly impact me, as someone who isn’t a fucking anti-endo. As someone who isn't even pro-endo anymore. I'm not anti or pro anything! I'M JUST TRYING TO FUCKING EXIST.

The ToSD is real and valid, regardless of who participated in the writing and popularization of it. There’s plenty of research that supports it. Attacking the ToSD is not attacking anti-endos. It’s attacking CDD systems.

DID is a trauma only disorder. You cannot have DID without having repeated childhood trauma. You do not need to hate your system or be disordered by your plural aspects of self to have DID, and anyone saying otherwise is ignoring even the DSM. Attacking DID diagnostic criteria is not attacking anti-endos. It's attacking CDD systems.

Anyone, at all, who harasses anyone else, is either a troll, or hurting. They aren’t fucking evil. They aren’t irredeemable. They’re certainly a damn sight more than a fucking parasite — how in the goddamn insurmountable levels of hell do you think it’s appropriate to compare living, breathing human beings to parasites, and deem them worse and lesser? What gives you the right to treat others like this?

For fucks goddamn sake, I just want to live. I just want to survive with this disorder online. I want to talk about my experiences. But every single goddamn time I’ve tried, I get caught in this loop.

First, it was pro-endos, insisting I was valid while gaslighting me and harassing me into thinking I didn’t have goddamn trauma.

Then, it was anti-endos, insisting my hurt was valid while demonizing the pro-endos who hurt me first.

Then it was all of you fuckers, every single person in syscourse — yes, even you — who perpetuated these cycles. And the thing is, I’m not blaming you, I’m not upset with you; it’s just fucking impossible to avoid at this point!!

And the thing is, I don’t want to go. I don’t want to leave this place. I’ve spent a goddamn decade trying to carve out a hole for myself to hide in here. This became my home for so goddamn long because I didn’t have one of my own. And god, I have made a lot of connections here, people who I would miss. People who I DO miss.

But you all make it so damn difficult. Pro-endos hurting me more each day. Anti-endos hurting my friends and taking the battling gun approach to fighting ableism.

I’m so tired.

I’m just. So goddamn tired.

I think that’s all I’ve got in me right now. That’s all the energy I can muster for this. At least it’s words that count toward my daily total, right?

[randomshyperson]

Yellow Curtains - Chapter Three - Wanda Maximoff Series

Summary: Wanda Maximoff's senior year at Novi Grad School is duly planned for her. She has good friends, good grades, and a good system to hide who she really is. Or, the one based on Evak from the Norway Skam series, where Wanda is queer and tries to survive the last year without anyone knowing about it.

Warnings: (+18), general warnings about language and violence, legal drug use, mentions of underage drinking, high school, internalized homophobia and discovery of sexuality, explicit mentions of mental disorders (bipolarity and depression), dysfunctional family, making out, and eventual smut.

Skamverse | Series | General Masterlist | AO3 | Wattpad

--//--

Chapter Tree - The Pool

Sreda, 13:25 (Wednesday, 13:25 am)

It had been almost a month since the cabin, and Wanda had developed a foolproof system to keep her thoughts away from you.

Step one, she convinced herself that the almost kiss was a delirium of her mind and that you had simply bent down to pick up the bottle, and she never confessed that she was only paying attention to Vision because she was afraid of being alone. She wouldn't have done that in good conscience, so of course, it was a delusion.

Step two, whenever Wanda's brain persisted in thinking about you - which happened mostly in history class, when it was impossible not to notice you, or when Carol was around, and consequently brought you along - Wanda forced herself to remember that you had a boyfriend.

A handsome, popular, intelligent boyfriend that everyone adored.

The third step was the most childish of all, but Wanda needed ground under her feet after she caught herself checking your Instagram like an obsessed stalker, and after accidentally (as if) visualizing and liking a post after three seconds, to which you replied her with a wink and a 'stop stalking me, Maximoff' that was clearly a joke, but which made Wanda blush so much that Pietro asked if she had a fever in the middle of the cafeteria; Wanda blocked you everywhere. It was childish and made you cast doubtful glances at her for the next few days, but fortunately, you didn't touch the subject.

The last step disgusted her. Vision was a genuinely nice guy, and Wanda was determined to stay with him because that was as it should be. They exchanged numbers, and when he wasn't working, he would call her to talk about anything. She tried to like him as much as she could.

He was the invitation to college parties, so her friends thought the relationship was the best thing Wanda had come up with.

On days like today, when you looked so casual and adorable in a geek hoodie, writing the assignment only two chairs away, Wanda wondered if the whole plan was worth anything.

"Miss Maximoff?"

The whole room looked at her, and Nat gave her a warning nudge. Wanda blinked away from you, blushing heavily at the attention.

"W-what?"

T'Challa laughed softly. "The question, Miss Maximoff." He repeated, and Wanda stared briefly at the board behind them, with several topics to which she paid no attention at all. Seeing her complete confusion, the professor sighed. "Wanda, stay after class. I'd like to have a word with you."

The room giggled, but T'Challa silenced them immediately as Wanda cringed in her chair in shame.

When the period ended, Wanda ignored for the sake of her own sanity, the soft look you cast at her before gathering your books and leaving the room, Natasha engaged in conversation with you and went to the next class period as well.

Wanda dragged herself to T'Chall's desk with her backpack slung over her shoulder. "I'm sorry, sir, I'll try to be more attentive to..." A quick glance at the blackboard. "Sokovian revolutionaries."

T'Challa chuckled softly, pulling from a pile of activities a corrected paper that he held out to Wanda.

"Here, Miss Maximoff." He says. "It's your lowest grade in eight years of school. In your favorite subject, so imagine my surprise."

Wanda swallows dryly, staring at the red F for half a second. "I-I..."

"Wanda, do you need to talk to someone?" T'Challa asked gently. "I know you've had some tough months at home, your parents are present in the school community. If you need to talk to someone, it doesn't have to be a teacher, it can be our psychologist or-"

"I'm fine." Wanda cuts in with a soft grimace, shoving the exam in her backpack. "Really, Sir, I'm fine. I've just had some trouble sleeping lately, but I- I'll be fine. I won't fail again, okay?"

T'Challa doesn't seem to believe much but nods in understanding. "Just know that we're here for whatever you need, Wanda."

She forces a smile, muttering a goodbye before practically running out of the room. Wanda has a period of Chemistry now, but instead of following the flow of students into the room, she makes her way the opposite way to the empty rooms on the third floor.

She can't get there. On the second floor, she is not breathing normally.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." She gasps leaning her hands on the wall, trying to keep the tears in her eyes. The place is empty, and she thanks the gods for privacy. She manages to find a bathroom, and when she finally sits down on the floor, she is crying.  

She hasn't had a panic attack in years, but it's as bad as she remembered. Fighting for air, she tries breathing exercises. It doesn't take more than five minutes, yet Wanda feels like it's been an eternity before she can breathe normally. The worst part is going back to class and pretending there's nothing wrong so as not to worry her twin.

–//–

Sobota, 19.40 (Saturday, 7:40pm)

She looked pretty, people said. 

Even Pietro, who always tormented her at every opportunity, saw her leaving the room in her chosen outfit and whistled playfully.

"Vision is a lucky guy." He teased, and Wanda rolled her eyes.

"Shut up."

"Use protection, I'm too young to be an uncle." He scoffed, and Wanda raised her middle finger at him before walking off down the hall.

Her mother, who was working on a laptop in the living room, gave her a kiss on the cheek and complimented her appearance as well. Wanda wanted to go back to bed, but her cell phone vibrated.

"I'm outside. As you asked." It was Vis, and the last part brought a pang of soft guilt to her chest. They had been going out for a month and a half and Wanda had yet to officially introduce him to anyone. There were no labels, and although he had been patient until now, Vision was starting to find it strange.

"When am I going to meet this boy, huh, young lady?" Natalya asked as soon as Wanda grabbed her keys to leave. It was clearly a tease, from the tone used, yet it still left Wanda feeling uneasy.

"Soon, mama." She muttered. "See you later."

She opens the door, but Natalya asks, "Should I wait for you?"

Wanda feels her stomach turn. "Ne, mama." She murmurs and walks out the door.

Vision drives to a local bar. He smells of expensive perfume and aftershave lotion. It reminds her of Tony. Wanda wonders how many belongings they share now that they live together. 

He also tells her that she looks pretty. The only thing Wanda feels like is an imposter anyway.

She steals glances at him as he tells her about the intense day he had at work, and as he talks about reports, she tries to imagine what it would be like to have sex with him.

Vision has been very respectful, but he clearly had his needs. Wanda can blushed, from embarrassment more than anything else, when she remembers feeling him hard during the few make-out sessions they shared.

He wanted her, but she was not sure she could say the same.

"You'll like it here. It's sophisticated, and it's a friend's shift today." He comments as he parks, and Wanda forces a smile, for the thousandth time in the night. But it doesn't bother her. Lately, she's been faking a lot of things.

Vision doesn't lie about the bar, it really is very fancy and elegant. The drinks cost a fortune, she notices as she looks at the menu on the wall. Despite this, it is crowded and must be a place known to couples because these makeup almost 90 percent of the customers around.

There is a hand on her back gently pushing her to the nearest table and Wanda feels part of her brain shut down.

"I have to say I was glad when you agreed to come tonight, Wanda." Vision comments between topics of conversation. He has already ordered service, but from the number of people, they have not been served yet. "I was beginning to think you wanted nothing to do with me." He says with a laugh. It's bait, Wanda knows. Natasha and Jen spent weeks giving her a hundred tips on how to flirt with boys, and how relationships work after they found out she was dating him. And after years of watching her friends flirt, it's not that hard to recognize when a guy is trying to figure out what she's thinking. 

She deflects the innuendo, giving a chuckle. "I've just been busy, with school and all. I'll have more time to date now."

Vision's gaze lights up. He looks ready to ask for her hand, but the waiter arrives. And when she recognizes the blonde hair, Wanda almost falls out of her chair.

"Carol?"

"Oh, hey Maximoff! Good to see you here!" Declares Danvers cheerfully, a little surprised but evidently pleased with Wanda's presence. "And you too Vision!"

They engaged in gentle compliments, but Wanda circled her gaze around almost in desperation. Would you be here too?

She only realized that Vision had ordered her drinks for her when Carol left the table.

"Are you okay, you look a little pale." Vision comments worriedly, and Wanda shakes her head to disguise it.

Forcing a smile, she gets to her feet. "Sorry, I need to go to the bathroom." That's the excuse she makes up, leaving the worried boy at the table.

Wanda makes her way outside, however, and the night air helps her breathe normally.

This had to be a test of the universe was clear. She rests her hands on the railing of the stairs, and takes a deep breath, keeping her breathing in check. No panic attacks on date night.

"Hey, Wanda!" Someone calls out to her contentedly, and she lifts her face mortified. 

Peter Parker is wearing a casual outfit, dark jeans, and a white shirt. His arm is around your shoulders, and you are both approaching the entrance to the bar, coming out of the parking lot.

Wanda's stomach does a complete somersault as she meets your gaze, but she adjusts her posture and forces a smile. Peter catches up to her and kisses her cheek in greeting.

"What a coincidence to find you here. Did you come alone?"

She can only respond with a negative nod, unable to formulate words because you approached to greet her and kissed her cheek. 

Peter looks inside through the window and finds Vision alone. He enthuses. "Awesome, let's all sit together!" He says, stepping out into the bar to call the other.

You look at her. "You look beautiful, Wanda." You so sincerely remark that she swallows dryly, her face burning. For the first time in the night, she believes it.

Pushing the door open again, you step in front, and Wanda follows you inside. 

–//–

Sobota, 20.40 (Saturday, 8:40pm)

The most embarrassing period of her life is what she would call this night.

Vis's hand on her thigh weighed as heavy as your death stare in their direction, and Wanda didn't think she would survive another hour of this.

Vision and Peter seemed to be having the best fucking time in the world, but that was to be expected since more than half of the empty glasses on the table were theirs. 

"I can't believe we've never met here before, Peter!" Vision commented excitedly. "I've been coming here all summer because Carol gets Tony and his friends a discount on the drinks."

"Well, it's clearly never too late." Peter retorts half-drunk, raising a glass again. He gives a toast before a long sip, and Wanda adjusts uncomfortably in her chair as Vision squeezes her thigh again. "Tell me, what are you majoring in any way?"

"Robotics Engineering." 

"Fancy." Peter comments getting a laugh from Vision, who then shrugs his shoulders.

"I guess so." He says. "Tony tells me you're pretty brainy, maybe you'll get some internship at Stark Industries during your first year..."

Peter looks surprised, turning a bit red. "Oh, I'd be honored. I don't think I'm that bright though."

"Come on, I'm sure that-"

"Sorry, Vis, he's not available." You cut in with a forced smile, clearly not having the slightest patience for the whole interaction. Vision blinks in confusion, and Peter hesitates. "Big boy here is going to England next year. Internship at Oscorp Industries."

Vision raises an eyebrow. "Wow, that's impressive." The man comments, raising his glass to Peter. "That deserves a toast."

Peter smiles wryly, but you roll your eyes and stand up. "I'll take a break from the sycophant moment you two are having." You cut in irritation, but when you make mention of leaving, Peter grabs your wrist tightly.

"Y/N, come on, don't be rude. We're just talking-"

"Don't fucking hold me!" You explode, pulling your arm away. "What the fuck are you even still doing here, eh Peter? England is waiting."

"For the love of god, are you really going to put on a show now, in the middle of the bar, in front of our friends-"

"They're not my friends." You retort annoyed, moving away from the table and heading for the exit.

Peter sighs loudly and looks at the couple with a regretful expression on his face.

"Look, guys, I'm sorry about that." He asks before running after you.

Vision gives a confused laugh once there are only two of them at the table. "Damn, I was told that Carol's sister was a little crazy but I didn't think that..."

"Don't talk about her like that." Wanda cuts him off drily, pushing his hand off her thigh and getting up behind the ones who just left.

You and Peter are outside on the sidewalk, yelling at each other.

"[...] I don't know why you keep freaking out about this! I love you, England is not going to change that! I've invited you dozens of times, if the distance is the problem why don't you just come with me?" Peter questions.

You hesitate with tears in your eyes. "My life is here, when will you understand that?" You shout back. By now, half the customers outside are watching the commotion as well.

Peter steps forward. "But what about us, Y/N? If you could just..." He licks his lips, trying to find the right words. " Wouldn't you come with me?"

You laugh tearfully. "And what is there in England for me?"

"Me." He retorts with emotion. "There's me, Y/N! But I guess that was never what you wanted, was it?"

You don't answer, tears streaming down your cheeks. Peter tears too, but he sniffles and pushes the emotion away. 

"I..."

"No, you don't have to come up with excuses." He cuts you off with emotion. "We won't work at long distance. We don't work even close to each other. So I do what you've been trying to do since I got the damn internship letter. We're done."

Peter walks up to you, kisses your forehead, and walks off down the street. You hug your own body and don't try to call him back.

"Wanda, I think I'll give him a ride. He is far from home." Vision announces behind her, and only now does Wanda acknowledge his presence at all. She nods, and he is too distracted to notice that she turns her face away when he goes to kiss her.

Vision nods to you out of politeness, before walking off around the corner where Peter went.

Wanda comes down the stairs from the entrance and walks up to you. 

"Can I buy you a drink?"

She offers gently, managing to make you smile. But you deny it with your head.

"Let's get out of here." You declare, wiping your face before grabbing Wanda's hand.

"I don't think anyone paid..."

"Don't worry, Carol covers for us." You reassured her, pulling her into the parking lot.

Wanda recognizes the motorcycle, this time with two helmets. 

"Where...?"

"Just trust me." You interrupt her gently, and Wanda decides to do so.

–//–

Sobota, 21:21 (Saturday, 9:21pm)

Wanda was laughing so hard her stomach was hurting. 

She couldn't remember, even if she tried, the last time she felt so at ease, that she had so much fun.

You drove through the city for many minutes, Wanda's hands firmly on your waist, her face pressed against your back. Until you reached the main boulevard tunnels, and you told her to risk it.

"You've gone crazy." Wanda retorted, but you chuckled.

"Come on Maximoff! Take a risk!"  You insisted between laughs. And Wanda backed up, standing on the bike, arms outstretched as the strong wind ruffled her hair. She shouted with happiness, and you followed her until the tunnel reached the end.

The residential district was empty because of the time, so when you finally stopped, you bought drinks. Wanda didn't ask about the non-alcoholic beer, because she was distracted by your proximity to her face, making some joke that she didn't quite catch.

You walked around, exchanging drinks, stories. It was comfortable. Good.

"Fuck, look at that pool." You gasped suddenly as you passed through a fence that overlooked the backyard of one of the houses on the street. Wanda stood beside you, with a nearly empty can of Coke in her hand. "Imagine living in a big house like that."

"I think swimming pools are overrated." She murmurs, making you look at her curiously. Wanda was thinking about her father's house, where there was a huge luxury pool, and how she wouldn't trade any time in her suburban home with her mother for it. "Luxury doesn't make any place a home."

You smiled at her, but it was almost mischievous. "But it can be a lot of fun. Come on."

Wanda barely had time to react and you were already running away, skirting the fence, and then the garden. She left her bag of cans somewhere in the grass because you pulled her through a gate.

"Y/N, we can't..."

"Shh, stop thinking." You insisted, bringing her inside, the pool behind you. Wanda swallowed dryly, hyperaware that she had just broken into a house and your hands were still in hers. "Rich people are never home."

"I don't think that's true." She mutters nervously, but you only laugh, releasing her hands to remove your blouse. Wanda blushes heavily, looking away.

You don't mind, working on the pants and then the shoes. But you giggle when she remains static.

"Come swim with me, Wands." You ask, and it is the first time you have used a nickname, and she loves it. How it sounds on the tip of your tongue, how affectionate. She thinks she even loves the way her stomach does two flips when she hears it.

"Okay." She murmurs in agreement, and you stand right there, staring as she takes off her clothes. Wanda can feel her face burn, but she doesn't back down. Once she's only in her underwear, you bite your lip, scanning from top to bottom as if you can't help yourself. "Is it cold?"

She asks, and you blink away, turning to check the temperature with your foot. Wanda takes the opportunity to push you inside.

Her laughter is contagious over your expression of indignation as you emerge from the water again.

"I trusted you, Rose!" You shout dramatically, and she continues to chuckle, moving closer as you extend a hand in the air. "Come, jump off the Titanic with me."

Wanda giggles, leaning over to take your hand and step calmly into the pool. So, of course, you then pull her in with a tug.

You are laughing as she emerges back, and though she laughs too, she throws some water at you, before hugging her own body.

"It's freezing, Y/N!" She complains clenching her teeth, and you giggle mischievously, swimming around her.

"I think a little exercise will warm you up, Maximoff." You tease. "Let's race. To the other side of the pool."

She laughs but follows your cue. "On three?" She suggests, but despite your hums in agreement, you swim off shortly after one, and Wanda grunts indignantly before following you.

You both gasp for air, laughing and throwing water at each other for a moment when you win the race.

"It's not fair! You burned the start." She complains without really sounding angry, but all you do is laugh and swim around her.

"oprosti (sorry)." You mutter, staring at her in a way that makes Wanda twitch. "But it was all a tactic. The adrenaline of swimming out after me warmed you up, didn't it?" You tease, and Wanda rolls her eyes, laughing a little.

"Oh, what a clever plan." She wryly makes you smile.

You swim closer, and Wanda swallows dryly.

"Let's play another game then." You suggest. "Since you're such a terrible swimmer."

Wanda slaps some water in your face, raising an eyebrow. "Excuse me you, I'm an excellent swimmer."

You chuckle, now considerably closer. When did it get so hard to breathe?

"The game is simple, Maximoff." You whisper. "First one out of the water loses."

Wanda swallows dryly, nodding in agreement. "No cheating this time." She whispers back, feeling the pool wall on her back.

"I wouldn't dream of it." You retort with a small smile, then raise an eyebrow. "On three? One, two..."

Wanda dove in the same second you did and all sounds were muffled underwater. With held breath, she opened her eyes. You were looking at her too, and you smiled, tilting your head to make her smile too.

She could hear her heart racing but continued to hold her breath. You reached out to her, making her instinctively pull back, but you didn't give up, poking her in the ribs. Two tickles later, Wanda couldn't hold on under the water and emerged gasping for air.

You did the same, grinning. "I won!" You celebrate breathlessly for the dive and Wanda laughs indignantly.

"You cheated! Again!"

"I think you're just a bad loser, Maximoff." You tease, grinning at the wave of water she throws at you. "Okay, okay, you want a rematch?"

She laughs, shaking her head still in disbelief. "No cheating this time."

You make an innocent expression, and Wanda laughs before diving in first. You swallow dryly before following her underwater.

Your gaze meets hers, and Wanda thinks for a moment, there is only the two of you in the whole world, underwater, protected from all problems. You tilt your head gently, and she blinks before moving forward.

You are taken aback by the feel of her lips, and you breathe, emerging at the same moment.

Wanda rises the next second, a breathless laugh as she says, "I won this time." She declares equally affected, but you face her completely surprised by the kiss. Wanda swallows dryly. "You want a rematch?"

"Yeah." You gasp, smiling at her in confirmation before you dive in together.

This time, underwater, you only give Wanda a seconds to get used to the depth before you advance against her, kissing her on the mouth.

She kisses you back at the same moment, and can't hold her breath, emerging with you glued to her. 

It's messy on the surface - Your hands circle her hips, and you gasp into each other's mouths, pressing your lips together with need. Wanda feels like she's burning from the inside out. Is this what kissing someone should feel like? 

Her hands squeeze your shoulders, your hair. She thinks that if she doesn't hold on to something she will melt into the water again.

And you kiss her until she is breathless, with tongue and teeth, with a boiling desire that she shares.

Suddenly you let her go because there is a flashlight in your face.

"Who's there?" it's a male voice coming from inside the residence, definitely a security guard. 

"Oh, shit. Run!" It's your only warning before you swim away, and Wanda follows you clumsily, as desperate to escape as you are.

You grab your clothes at the edge of the pool and stumblingly reach the fence at the same time the housekeeper reaches the pool. Luckily, he doesn't see your faces.

And when you return to the street, you are both laughing.

–//–

Nedelja 9:46 (Sunday 9:46 am)

Wanda wakes up with a stupid smile on her face and tries to hide it in her pillow. 

It doesn't do much good. She feels so light. Happy. 

Her cell phone is unloaded in some corner of the room, and she grunts softly as she hears knocks on the door.

"Come in." She says, and the next minute, her twin is inside her bedroom, leaning on the doorknob.

"Are you awake?" He asked, managing a short laugh.

"No, I talk in my sleep." She retorts with a mischievous little smile and eyes still closed. Pietro doesn't laugh.

"Papa is downstairs, Wanda." He declares and she immediately opens her eyes, her body tensing. Adjusting herself on the bed, she looks at her brother, noticing the casual clothes he wears instead of pajamas. His expression is equally dissatisfied. "I told him you were asleep, but he insisted that he wanted a word with you. He said he didn't drive halfway across town to be treated like someone dispensable."

Wanda grunted impatiently. "God, why does he have to be that way?"

Pietro shrugs. "I don't know, but from experience, you'd better listen to him or he might cause some trouble. You know Mom can't afford this place by herself..."

"I know, Pietro." Wanda cuts off annoyed, pushing the covers away to get up. As she goes to the bathroom to brush her teeth, Pietro closes the door.

"Hey, where were you last night?" He asks, and she grimaces, staring at him through the mirror. He leans on the bathroom door, his hands in his pockets. 

"With Vision?"

Pietro raises an eyebrow. "Yeah, but later." He insists, and Wanda feels her stomach sink. "He texted me, asking if you had gotten home safely because he couldn't find you at the bar. But, well, you only arrived in way later after his text."

Wanda took a deep breath, and then looked at the sink. "I was wandering around in town. I needed to think."

Pietro sighed. "You could have called me, I'd keep you company. It's not very safe to be walking around alone. Being a girl, I mean."

"Well, I'm safe and sound." Wanda cuts in impatiently, finishing brushing her teeth while her brother mutters that he didn't mean to offend her. As she wipes her mouth, and leaves the bathroom to change clothes, Pietro crosses his arms.

"You don't have to tell me what you don't want, just...be careful with this Vision, okay?"

Wanda grimaces, looking at her brother in surprise. "Excuse me?"

Pietro sighs. "I know he's Tony's brother, and he seems decent, but... I don't know, he's a 21 guy who's in college. What does he want with a 17-year-old girl?"

Wanda sighs. "I'll be 18 in a few months..."

"I know." Pietro retorts. "It's just weird. Or maybe, I don't know, I'm being an overprotective brother."

She giggles. "I think it's the latter option." She comments, and Pietro smiles.

"Whatever." He murmurs, and waits for Wanda to get dressed before looking at her again. "I just want you to be happy, sestra."

Wanda smiles, moving closer to hug Pietro briefly. "I know, Pietro, thank you." He kisses the tip of her head, and they leave the room.

Nedelja 9:46 (Sunday 10:46 am)

Wanda was not surprised that her father turned that morning into an awkward time for everyone.

They were sitting at an outside table in a bakery two blocks from her house. Pietro managed to keep up a friendly conversation with his father for a while, telling him about school or the running team. 

But it was like a time bomb that the subject came back to Wanda, and the impossible standards of perfection her father expected her to achieve.

"I hope you are maintaining the excellence required for NYU." Erik declares as he cuts a piece of cheese on his plate. 

Wanda bites her tongue, resisting the urge to get up and leave that breakfast. Pietro clears his throat quietly.

"Papa, I-"

Erik holds up a finger, interrupting the boy with a small smile on his lips. "We've already talked about your academic life, Pietro. My business now is with your sister."

The boy swallows dryly, ducking his head. Wanda looks beyond the window, at the people walking around the street. And Erik speaks again in the background.

"[...] of course Harvard or Columbia would be acceptable options or risk something in Europe like Oxford or Cambridge, but we have to consider that-Wanda!" Erik slaps the table, and the girl jumps in fright, turning her attention back to her father. "I'm talking to you!"

Pietro places a hand over hers under the table. Erik sighs, pulling himself together. She stares at him, "I'm all ears." She replies, releasing Pietro's hand and drawing it into her own lap again. "What do you want me to say?"

Erik culls a piece of cheese with his gaze burning with anger. He swallows, and retorts:

"I'm still the head reference person at your school." He says. "They notify me that you got a bad grade. Nothing to affect your record, yet..."

She snorts indignantly. "Are you policing me?" She questions angrily, and Erik locks his jaw.

"Don't raise your voice at me." He retorts seriously, pointing a finger in her direction. "I pay for everything, I never leave a single thing missing for you two, and what do you want to do in return? Throw your future away! I let you act like a spoiled brat, give away your precious freedom to sully the name of this family. Running away from your responsibilities to the school, to our faith! Erik accuses angrily. "Let you behave like an ungrateful child!"

"Papa, enough, please!" Pietro interferes, watching the way Wanda has shrunk into the seat and looks on the verge of tears. 

Their father takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He takes a long sip of coffee, and a few closer customers steal glances at the table. 

"I'm sorry for losing my temper." Erik says calmer, pressing his hands together in front of his body. "You both know how hard your mother and I fought to earn what we have today. I just want you to have better opportunities. That you don't waste your potential. Hobbies and worldly pleasures can come later. In moderation, of course." Erik offers his son a wink, and Wanda wants to throw up. For Pietro, the son, it's fine to encourage him to enjoy life. For the daughter? Wanda couldn't even imagine her father saying anything of the sort to her. Be happy daughter. Have fun. Sounds ridiculous.

Erik orders tea for them, and Wanda keeps looking between the window and her own lap. Her father drinks a little before trying to sound more casual:

"How was the Shabbat?"

Pietro smiles awkwardly. "It was quiet, I rested." Says the boy, getting a smile from his father. 

"Did you say your prayers?" Pietro agrees, and Erik's attention falls on Wanda again. His jaw quivers, but he keeps his voice calm. "What about you, sweetheart?"

Wanda looks him in the eye. "I got drunk, broke into a house, and made out with a girl."

Erik blinks and then bursts into laughter, the real thing, tears welling up in his eyes. Pietro laughs too, a little more restrained. They both think it's a joke, and Wanda swallows dryly.

"I've missed your sense of humor dear." Erik comments as he calms down. "A little harsh, but always funny." Wanda sighs not knowing what to say next. Erik sips more tea, before commenting. "Speaking of this subject, I have an invitation for you. Next week, we are having a Bar-Mitzvah at my house. Lorna is turning 12 and-"

"No." Wanda interrupts, ignoring the gentle squeeze Pietro gives her wrist. Erik raises an eyebrow. But unlike the entire breakfast, he looks almost sad.

"Honey, I'd like to have you two there." He gently insists. "Even Natalya would be welcome."

"How kind of you, isn't that papa? Inviting the ex-wife to the bastard's Bar-Mitzvah?" 

Erik slams the table, but this time Wanda doesn't back down, her gaze irritated like her father's. "Don't you dare talk to me like that!"

"I would rather not talk to you at all!"

"Wanda, please..." Pietro tries to appease but Erik laughs wryly, shaking his head.

"You're impossible, Wanda, I swear." He declares, pulling out his wallet from inside his jacket. He pulls out some change from there, which he throws on the table in front of her. " For the bus. I don't want to see your face today any longer."

"Papa!" Pietro complains, but Wanda is already getting up, ignoring the money on the table. Pietro grabs the notes and follows his sister out while Erik continues drinking his tea. He catches up with her at the corner of the bakery. "Wanda, wait, please."

"I'm walking home, Pietro, leave me alone." She retorts with her arms crossed, and the twin rushes to stand in her way, his hands on her shoulders. 

"Please, he didn't mean it. You two-"

Wanda pushes his hands away. "It's so easy for you to take his side, isn't it?" She shouts impatiently. "It's not your life that's falling apart."

Pietro laughs surprised by her aggressiveness. "Come on, I'd hardly call a scholarship at a university falling apart-"

"It's not what I want!" Wanda interrupts him, tears of frustration in her eyes. He is completely surprised. "But I don't think that matters to anyone."

Pietro steps forward. "Hey, but you always said you'd be a doctor..."

"Because papa wanted that." Wanda murmurs tearfully. "Fuck, what difference does it make now, it's senior year already." She says, wiping away the falling tears. "I need to be alone Pietro, I'm sorry." She pulls aside before he can touch her, and the twin calls out to her, but she doesn't look back.

–//–

Ponedeljek 10:30 (Monday 10:30 am)

Loud heavy metal music was playing in Wanda's headphones from the exit of the history class to the cafeteria. Maybe that's why she didn't hear you call out, and was startled when you held her shoulders.

You chuckle, lowering your hands as she takes the headphones off. "Sorry for the scare." You asked, looking at her in a weird way. Wanda swallowed dryly, staring at you doubtfully.

"Do you need anything?"

You blinked hesitantly at the aggressiveness but still smiled.

"Yeah...I think I'm still blocked, and it is hard to ask you out like that."

Wanda's stomach did a whole turn, and she felt her eyes burn. You acted so casual about everything, you were so happy.

"Sorry, I think you got it wrong." The words came out before Wanda could think them through completely. You frown in confusion, "I'm not interested."

She makes mention of leaving, but you don't move from your seat. "You gave me a different idea on Saturday, you know? You were the one who kissed me." Your tone was not loud, yet Wanda looked around as if everyone in the school was listening and judging that conversation.

She lifted her chin. "I was drunk."

"Wanda, come on..." You try to touch her and she pushes at your notebook, knocking the item to the floor. You sigh.

"You got me drunk and made me break into a house. And then you grabbed me. I could go to the police."

You stare at her, and the confusion turns to hurt. Wanda wants to take it all back, but you shake your head, pick up the notebook from the floor, and stare at her. "Get your shit together before you go around using other people, Maximoff." You spit it out, turning your back on her.

Wanda, with her eyes filled with tears, turns her face toward you. "Whatever, dyke."

A few people stare, but no one says anything. You stop walking, and Wanda bites her lips to hold back a sob.

"Y/N, I'm sorry, I didn’t-" She gasps, but you adjust your bag on your shoulder and disappear into the next crowd of students.

[utilitycaster]

not to be all “only i like my blorbo correctly”, but i’m fully convinced that certain people would hate Imogen as a character if they actually engaged with her outside of “conventionally attractive sadgirl that’s one half of an aesthetically pleasing queer ship”. fully believe that if she looked like Chetney or Ashton or even Fearne, and didn’t come with a prepackaged ship, people would be forced to look at her as the complex, unique loose cannon that she is

Hey anon, I agree with much of this and I hope you don't mind if I go on what might be one of my weirder tangents/theories but this has been percolating for a few weeks and I think I've cracked the secret to one of the more toxic segments of the fandom.

I definitely think that if Imogen were not a woman, a lot of people would hate her (granted, a different group of people who hate her now would probably like her more if she were a man, because misogyny is extremely extant outside of the bubble, and even a little bit within the bubble, that is Tumblr). However, they'd be fine if she looked like Fearne...but many wouldn't be fine if she were also played by Ashley. Or yeah, if she weren't easily shipped with Marisha's character.

Here's the deal. When I and a number of other people were like "oh hey! Imogen is not really taking other people's feelings into consideration and is being rather insensitive about the Ruby Vanguard, given that they've killed half the party, particularly since she's literally known Laudna like 10 times longer than she's know her mother was alive" the attitude was "wow, you hate Imogen, you hate women, you're so unfair" and yet now, at a table that is half women (and a group of characters that literally has only one man) everyone who thought I hate Imogen and how if she were a man everyone would care is now literally just mostly ignoring her (and honestly like, everything) and instead constantly whining about how they miss Laudna. Which is frankly weak as hell, like, anyone who's loved Pike or Yasha is like "oh you must be new here", and at least people talking about Travis being missing during the gap between Bertrand's death and Chetney's arrival were making good memes. But I digress.

My theory, which I do admit is the most tin-foil hat I think I've gone, comes from some polls I've seen circulating complaining about queerbaiting in past shows, and also my recent interest in Glee as ground zero of really horrible fandom behaviors (thanks to people who have provided insight into that!) Anyway. I recently learned that apparently Quinn and Rachel was a really popular ship, for reasons I cannot, for the sake of what little decorum and kindness I am maintaining here, speculate on. Setting aside that this is not queerbaiting and it's wildly inappropriate and damaging to say it was, given that this show was full of queer characters and Quinn was shown hooking up with a woman, this has in fact clicked into place for me why people constantly ship Marisha and Laura's characters despite chemistry that is inconsistent at best and tepid on average. It's not terribly hard to draw lines from Quinn to Vex and Rachel to Keyleth, especially if you consider how fanon tends to handle these archetypes. Then they transferred this to just Laura and Marisha's characters in general, and here we are, and man if it hasn't gotten even more flavorless with every transfer.

So anyway yeah a lot of people really don't like Imogen much as a character unless they can project onto her, but because she's half of The Ship, they also will not tolerate any exploration of her flaws that could threaten The Ship and so they need to remove her agency and blame it on various rocks instead of Imogen being cranky and impatient as a person (like, again, if you want to interpret her powers as chronic pain, why are you not allowed to grant her the same complexity as Ashton, who is also cranky and impulsive?) But really the kicker is that if Marisha isn't physically onscreen, they start acting like a cat you locked out of the bathroom and simultaneously forget they're supposed to care about or enjoy Imogen as an individual.

[camelliagwerm]

tagged by @cetra to fill this out for an oc. I'm pretty tired and my brain's hamster is struggling so I chose Valerius for this since I don't have to think as hard about the answers as I would other ocs.

tagging: @dragonologist-phd // @galfreybaenre // @cassynite // @baneschosen // @silversiren1101 // @the-raging-tempest // @mountainashfae // @outeremissary - don't feel obligated or pressured to do it if you don't want to or don't have the time, but I'd love to see the responses :')

NAME: Valerius Andrei Narcis Dragavei

NICKNAME: Vali (diminutive)

GENDER: cis man (he/him)

STAR SIGN: as per the Cosmic Caravan, the Thrush.

HEIGHT: 6'5ft / 196cm

ORIENTATION: bisexual

NATIONALITY/ETHNICITY: Ustalavic (Varisian)

FAVOURITE FRUIT: the pomegranate. It comes up in an Urgathoan flavour text in WOTR, so I've taken it to be a popular fruit for the faith. Besides, the taste is exquisite, just the right amount of tart with sweetness - and good in wine, sauces, desserts, or just biting into it and making an utter mess in the process.

FAVOURITE SEASON: autumn. It's cold without being too cold, perfectly overcast with a heavy chance of rain and mist. He misses Ustalav's autumns something fierce.

FAVOURITE FLOWER: jasmine. It's a key note in the perfume I headcanon Camellia favours, so he has a soft spot for it. Also, he's fond of violets (which is the namesake for one of his future daughters :3)

FAVOURITE SCENT: while the scent of blood is pretty irresistable to him, nothing can beat the smell of a honey and pomegrante glaze over roasted meat.

COFFEE, TEA, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: Coffee, black. Anything else is unacceptable to him.

AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: nowhere near as much as it should be. Maybe 4 or 5 maximum. He doesn't like sleeping in late, wanting to make the most of the hours he does have where the sun won't irritate him as much, but he's often up extremely late as well too, whether its for prayer or other reasons.

DOGS OR CATS: He's more of a horse guy truth be told, but dogs.

DREAM TRIP: providing it wouldn't be utterly miserable for him the entire time he's there due to the sun and heat, he'd want to make a pilgrimage to Mechitar in Geb, where Urgathoa's largest temple stands on Golarion. He is working on building an alliance with Geb, so perhaps it isn't so distant a prospect.

NUMBER OF BLANKETS: he doesn't need many, but Drezen is cold - usually there's three total: a sheet, a duvet and a fur atop that. The heaviness is mostly comforting, but that many are usually there for both appearances' and Camellia's sake (once she moves in with him)

RANDOM FACT: he's been betrothed/engaged a grand total of five times, with several more counts of potential engagements - the result of being both House Dragavei's heir and then the ruler of a city state.