#i miss my girl permanence but im also so scared to listen to her

[jetstarred]

ive been telling myself this was gonna be a no devotion december but yall its looking like a machine girl december 💀

[flashflashhundredyarddash]

batkids and their relationships with their siblings headcanons. under read more because this got fucking LONGGG

dick

dick is the eldest so he doesnt want to bog down his younger siblings with his problems, but if he DOES, he tends to talk to jason about it

dick and cass start to really begin to bond when Cass shows up to dicks gymnastics class for 3rd-6th graders and then cass shows up all the sixth graders and they get frozen yogurt after lmao

dick and tim are Very much thick as thieves. tim is very much like bruce on the Emotional Suppression scale, so dick just really wants to make sure his little brother is safe and happy ALL the time

Duke and Damian are the only two really permanently at the manor anymore, so when dick drops by he tries to do something with both of them. duke frantically zoom calls dick every other week to help him with his his trig homework. dick shows up to dukes high school graduation with literally the BIGGEST SIGN

everyone insists damian is dicks favorite but he does actually genuinely love all his siblings equally, his relationship with damian is just Very different from the others because of the age gap and being dami's primary caretaker for a year. dick babies dami every chance he gets

jason

would sell Dick to satan for One corn chip

him and cass don't have the greatest start to their relationship because cass is very much Against Killing so it takes a while for jason to warm up to her and earn her trust. now, though, jason is competing with steph by showing cass all the classic American Teenager things she missed out on. steph is currently winning but jason is like 98% positive a crunch wrap from taco bell is going to push him over the edge

tim and jason are currently competing over who can solve the most cases in a month. tim is winning. that won't last long.

jason Loves to Big Brother duke its so embarrassing. duke will get out of school and go to his car and jason is SITTING IN THE FRONT SEAT FRANTICALLY WAVING TO GET DUKES ATTENTION. JASON THAT IS MY CAR. signal has one (1) mission with arsenal and arsenal goes hey did you ask that girl to homecoming yet and duke is like I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU.

Damian is proof that Actually, Little Brothers are Pests. Jason fully believes that he was brought back from the dead PURELY to torment damian and he will fulfill this mission at any cost

cassandra

it actually really upset her when Dick didn't accept her at first. she knows her other siblings really adore dick so his lack of trust was really disheartening. it takes dick a while but once he Actually Accepts that cass is going to be a permanent part of their life and oh, wow, dick you really hurt her feelings he really hyperfocuses on bonding with cass for a couple of months which definitely improves their relationship

she really likes jason!! their relationship doesn't start well but because he's close with steph and tim who are cass's top two favorite people to exist ever, cass is like well i GUESS ill hang out with him more. jason is fun to talk to because he always tries his best to explain jokes and give context to what people are talking about (also tim took her to taco bell already but she didn't tell jason she just wanted to hang out)

cass LOVES tim. they just click okay. tim always seems to know when to give her space and when to push and come closer. Tim's "guest room" is just her room lets be real. tim and cass occasionally get mistaken for twins and Cass Loves it.

duke makes cass listen to metal once and cass loses. her. damn. mind. they bond over music a lot because they both Love Music to a degree the others in their family don't.

damian!! damian is her little brother!!! dami isn't As Hostile to cass at first because he is 100% aware cass has the edge in fighting and respects her. cass likes all of his instagram posts and they have a snapchat streak going

tim

tim Loves dick, dick was his first sibling!! he had Very strong hero worship when he first met dick but it mellowed out when tim got older because wow 17 is really not that cool and mature lol. tim has an open invitation to dick's apartment which he does occasionally take advantage of. tim has more than once scared the shit out of wally when wally comes over and wally is convinced they're being robbed (HA) for half a second. i mean. he's not wrong.

listen. tim understands that forgiving the guy who tried to kill you would be a Struggle for some people and it was! definitely! but also at least he can trust jason to, uh, be open about if he doesn't like tim. which is not an assurance he has with other people. so if the guy who tried to kill him tells him tim is cool now then like. maybe tim isn't that bad or annoying a person? also jason arrested a whole gang and won the cases competition but then it created a power vacuum that the whole batfam had to clean up the rest of the month. thanks, jason.

tim LOVES cass. you know how most of the time theres this empty feeling inside you and you just kind of ignore it because you don't know what will fix it or if you do, you know you can't fix it? cass makes that empty feeling feel a little less empty. they just click. tim always tries to travel with cass whenever she leaves gotham.

tim and duke. Tim is actually the sibling who duke goes to whenever he has questions he doesn't want to ask bruce or alfred about, like, life or vigilante-ing or school or college or whatever and Tim is always like yes!! i love Giving Advice and Solving Problems!! tim and duke and jason fill out their college applications together.

tim and damian. LMAO. ROUGH START THAT'S ALL ILL SAY. at some point alfred goes like fuck it. family therapy. and tim and dami are PISSED. tim and damian get along best when they have a common enemy to work against. their relationship gets much better when damian is older and they actually talk about their feelings like emotionally stunted bats. despite how bad their relationship was, tim will ALWAYS protect damian

duke

very much intimidated by dick at first. dick is so much older and has his own job and friends and life and is very much AN ADULT. dick likes to take duke out to do lots of cool stuff (paintball, lasertag, tech exhibitions, concerts, etc). also, dick PERSONALLY introduced duke to superman and is dating THE FLASH. 10/10 awesome big brother.

was intimidated by jason for 0.5 seconds before jason actually opened his mouth and started speaking. jason is literally. So Embarrassing. which is weird because nobody else really seems to feel that way about jason but duke knows he's 100% in the right here. like yeah jason is also An Adult and does Adult Stuff but he's also at the manor like every other weekend???? and he always complains about bruce but always seems to be in the same room bruce is in????? like okay jason. they bond over literature!! jason and duke and alfred will spend literal hours talking about books and duke loves it. duke is the only one who doesn't think jason is funny and jason gets so upset about it lmao.

cass has this one week where she gets really into photography and by virtue of being nearby (and also not nocturnal), duke becomes her victim subject. duke prints out all the pictures and hangs them up in his room (his favorite is one he took when he stole the camera and took a really bad selfie of them together).

tim is closest in age to duke so duke tends to hang around with him a lot. tim introduced duke to his young justice friends and duke is like yes!!! meta-friends!!!! tim really helps duke out with his powers because tim is always like wow i wonder if your powers would work if we did This? can you see farther than other people? is your visible spectrum of light different than other humans? Bruce does the same thing but bruce is boring about it lol.

damian and duke live in the same house and will be in the same room and just send each other social media posts back and forth. they follow each other on instagram and will, OCCASIONALLY, make tik toks together because they're tik tok fiends. each of his siblings have visited his parents once or twice but damian routinely comes with him.

damian

damian gets a special bullet point to say that it took him. forever to come around to the idea of having siblings. he very much believed that he was Bruce's Blood Son and everyone else were just tagalongs or allies. it took him ages to acknowledge that dick, jason, tim, and cass were his siblings, so when duke came and like a week later damian was like Ah, Yes, this is my brother Thomas everyone else was like dude wtf

listen. LISTEN. Obviously. Richard is very highly skilled. and also Father values him highly. and also Richard will listen to Damian complain about his schoolmates. and also Richard is much more patient with Damian than other members of his family. listen....,,, (all this to say damian kind of fucking adores dick lmaooooo this kid).

Todd is kind of unbearable but damian has been informed this is both a normal feeling when it comes to Todd and also big brothers. damian was an only child for ten years so yes, Father, if Todd attempts to tickle me I WILL break his fucking nose. yes i WILL put money in the swear jar but I want you to know i don't regret it. they always try to sneak up on each other but mostly fail.

DRAKE!!! but no lol once damian grows up and is like I Apologize for attempting to murder you it was wrong and you are just as much a son to Father as I am tim is like UGH i guess its cool since ur being so emotionally mature and all. also im 2 for 5 on siblings trying to murder me so im definitely going to win trauma bingo and damian is like i take it back you are insufferable. When Will My Older Siblings Stop Joking About Their Trauma.

CASS!!! listen. cass is cool. Cass Gets It. They have a special Bond. also damian really likes it whenever cass is home because 1) he gets to hang out and do something cool with cass and 2) he feels significantly safer with cass in the house because Nobody will be able to hurt any of their family if Cass is there. ALSO he tries to call her cain but everyone is like DONT DO THAT and he doesn't want to call her wayne bcus theyre ALL wayne (dick adds it on as a middle name but also Richard John Wayne West-Grayson is just. the lamest name ever so dick needs to reconsider it before his upcoming nuptials)((dick will not reconsider it except maybe whether grayson-west would work better)) and so he tries cassandra but cass is like :) call me cass and damian is like cassandra is more formal and respectful and cass is like :) and finally damian just has to give in.

Duke! him and duke actually live together so they get the Most Bonding Time and have a bunch of inside jokes as a result. (is it bad i wanted to laugh because inside jokes... joker... i'll see myself out). they're eating breakfast together (and also alfred sits with them IM NOT A MONSTER ALFIE'S LIKE 70 NOW OKAY) and duke laughs and bruce is like what are you laughing at, son? and duke is like oh damian just showed me this funny meme and then he shows the phone to bruce and bruce grabs it (both the boys groan) and after WAY TOO LONG is like "i don't get it" and so now duke and damian have to try and explain the comedic intricacy of bob's burgers

[autisticzukka]

what is this hakoda zuko arranged marriage you speak of? i am intrigued

okay so the long story short is that it’s a slight rebuttal of a popular post that is very fun but i find like... unrealistic in a really intriguing way like, how would this ACTUALLY play out. I’ve talked about it at length in my server a few times, and it’s one of those AU’s -- like the genderbend zukka ATLA rewrite or the zukki fic that starts with sokka failing to assassinate zuko -- that lives rent free in my head and I’ve written a couple thousand words for.

tw for like VERY unrequited zuko in love with hakoda and the inherent comedy of sokka being in love with his fire nation stepmom.

so here’s hakoda, chief of the southern water tribe, happily not-married to Bato. and here is a more balanced war, where the north and the south are actually  allies, rather than whatever the fuck they were in ATLA. Yue already has a fiance and the Northern chief refuses to remarry. that leaves hakoda responsible for biting the bullet and doing a political marriage even though, as he points out at length, he is an elected official and if he stops being elected it’s no longer a marriage with the chief of the south pole. intelligently but mostly selfishly motivated (yue’s fiance is his nephew, after all) pakku points out that its not like the fire nation knows... that. the fire nation is dumb. ozai’s stupid.

faced with such inarguable points hakoda stiffens his upper lip, pre-emptively ends things with bato on the understanding that if this is another kya situation they’ll get back together and that he’s still the most important person to him but the tribe comes first yada yada, and deals with katara throwing the mother of all tantrums. it is slightly softened by the fact that in return for him marrying the fire nation noble, a thing everyone can agree isn’t traditional, the north has finally agreed to train katara. she heads out before the wedding, in protest but also so as to not cause an international incident.

(on her way, she’ll find aang. with the war less dire, katara will be sympathetic towards his desire to live without committing violence, even if she deeply can’t relate. they’ll have a hot girl romcom summer of self discovery and coming to terms with the dichotomy between duty and love as they become master benders. at some point they pick up toph. they ARE a throuple.)

sokka meanwhile is like.. not cool with it.. but ? kind of relieved? like. he’s the eldest kid. he’s 18, and he’s been a man of the tribe as far as legalities for several years. it would have been entirely understandable if his dad had asked HIM to do it. he had his emotionally crushing romance with yue, and as much as he was like ‘im kind of a prince’, he finds he doesn’t actually want some of the responsibilities and demands that would bring. yue’s life sucks.

back in the fire nation, zuko never demanded a quest and never went on it. he’s spent years hardening into something that, while brittle, can survive the pressures of the court around him. he still has his scar. he still wants his father to love him, but he knows by now that it’s not something he’s capable of earning. he watches his sister, never the most stable person, start to have complete breakdowns of sanity once she hits puberty, and helps her cover for it and receive medical treatment on the down low. he’s the heir, but he lives knowing that if he was ever in a position to inherit his choices are to abdicate or have the baby sister who he raised kill him and destroy herself and the country in the process.

when he realizes the plan is to marry azula off rather than someone more reasonable-- mai is RIGHT there, for fucks sake-- he doesn’t realize ozai’s true intent is to fuck this up through malicious compliance and false shows of good faith. he panics, and does the zuko thing: he blurts out that this is unacceptable and immoral and she’s only 16 and Ozai sees the true opportunity for two birds with one stone. send zuko, let him piss someone off so badly he gets killed or divorced, and he gets rid of zuko from the line of succession permanently. there are those who are incredibly attached to teh idea of a firstborn for firelord, and it’s been a constant thorn in unpopular ozai’s side to nto be able to name azula his heir apparent without costly rebellion. but if he can taint him in the mind of the fire nation so much that birthright is easy to supercede-- yeah. this’ll work PERFECTLY.

so zuko is sent to marry hakoda, chief of the water tribe.

literally NO ONE was expecting it to be a member of Ozai’s immediate family. besides the fact that his oldest child is half hakoda’s age and his brother has 20 years on hakoda, it would have been sus as fuck - the treaty is not favorable enough to grant that kind of secession of interests. it becomes quickly apparent that this young man -- hakoda reminds himself of that repeatedly. not kid. not kid. young man. don’t think of him like a kid, it’s hard enough on both of us already. -- is not a horrible threat. he’s scared shitless and shakes with what he thinks is bravado. he’s desperate to make the marriage work. he’s desperate to not go home. he’s got a giant fucking scar on his face from where the fire lord punished him for some grievous but unstated offense.

zuko “daddy issues” fire nation sees his husband to be and, despite being scared shitless, immediately begins to soften a little. like... he’s not nearly as scary as he thought he’d be. his face can be stern, but it just as easily breaks into huge smiles, and his eyes are crinkled with laughter. he’s incredibly handsome. and his biceps are. his biceps. are. his hands are...

like. zuko thinks. okay. maybe. maybe his marriage duties. won’t be so horrible as he thought. maybe he’s ready for this. and he knows what to expect, Uncle had discreetly provided him the means and the contacts to acquire an intimate education in the whirlwind of activity that was the two months before leaving. and like, once he’d gotten past the nerves, it was often even... good? or at least... not bad? he thinks that even if hakoda isn’t a professional expert, he has a certain.... je ne sais quoi, if you will.

((DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF))

sokka sees his new stepfather and immediately falls in love because he’s that kind of dumb bitch. (the core of this au is that i cant breathe thinking about sokka falling in love with his hot young stepmom his age who his dad doesnt even want to fuck. like. i CANT. sokka masturbates to ‘hand caught in the washing tub’ fantasies which are even more absurd for requiring zuko to be DOING LAUNDRY. i find it so funny.)

bato watches them at the wedding feast while hakoda is very clearly trying to treat zuko as an Equal Adult Partner and mostly managing to seem like someone having a serious conversation with a seven year old about the game they’ve made up. zuko is clearly enamored with it, soaking up the attention, blushing and doing his best to Bravely Flirt, which at one point includes awkwardly attempting to feed Hakoda by hand. bato has to excuse himself to have a teary eyed giggle, hoping that Kya is in the spirit world looking down and laughing with him. he can’t resent the kid even a little bit, when hakoda is sitting there looking so incredibly fucking befuddled as to what he’s supposed to do with this star struck infant he’s legally wed to

anyways all of this... is very funny. their wedding night... is less so. zuko does not take the rejection from hakoda very well, especially because he’d been caught wanting. HE’S the one who should be rejecting hakoda. and he catastrophizes almost immediately about his potential value to the water tribe, his future treatment, that endless inescapable freezing cold loneliness is the good ending for him here... hakoda, meanwhile, drops zuko off at his home, reassuringly informs him that there’s NOTHING else expected of him and he will be well taken care of, and books it to bato’s. bato refuses to let him in on grounds of ‘you can’t sleep under the same shelter as me on your wedding night to that kid, have a fucking brain’, and he ends up crashing at sokka’s.

sokka, who had KNOWN that his dad wouldnt, but also upon seeing zuko and zuko’s awkward flirting was like... but how COULDNT he???? sokka is relieved.

the core of this fic is that i find it endlessly hilarious for zuko to try and seduce his husband while sokka simps around zuko and bato tries to be heartbroken or betrayed but mostly ends up with a giant case of hysterical schadenfreude. but the thing that CLINCHED it for me, like THE scene. several years after being married, settled into their life. they’re partners and they see each other as people. and zuko just fucking snaps one night

he just kisses him, desperate and clawing and climbing and maybe a little drunk. he knows hakoda is going to push him away, maybe even hit him, but he doesn’t care anymore, he doesn’t care. he can do anything he wants to him as long as he just-- finally does something. zuko is 21 and married to the surface of the sun and the surface of the sun jr is his best friend and clearly in love with him-- so clearly not even zuko can miss it-- and like. listen. listen. zuko is not a patient person. but he’s been patient for this. he waited and he matured and he is a fucking amazing husband and he wants this, he wants him. he wants to be wanted.

but hakoda doesn’t push him away. hakoda doesnt yell at him, or hit him. hakoda gentles the kiss into something soft and closed lipped. he pulls away slowly, and his eyes are so sad for zuko, so pitying. he strokes his cheek with the back of his hand so gently. he says, I’m sorry. I don’t want you.

and zuko daddy issues fire nation swallows

and he nods

and he leaves, even though its his own fucking house

and he knows he’s never going to be good enough

like FUUUCK i am OBSESSED WITH THAT

[angstysebfan]

Laser-Like Focus - Chapter 5

Pairing:  Bucky x reader

Summary: You met Bucky while working with the Avengers. You fell in love and got married. One thing you had in common was to kill all members of HYDRA. Bucky for his known reasons, and you because they killed your parents in front of you when you were a little girl. Soon your focus on HYDRA pulled you and Bucky apart. He decided to leave the Avengers and after a long separation, sent you divorce papers. He comes back to get the signed papers, as he is about to get married again. But everything with you and Buck is an adventure.

Bucky felt his blood run cold as he ran in the direction of the second explosion. Where you just ran to. When he turned the corner there was rubble everywhere. “Y/N!��� he called, with no answer. He continues to trek through the debris looking for any sign of you. His heart beating so fast in fear.

“Agent Y/L/N?!” he hears Jonah shout, as he also comes around the corner. Both men stop and stare at each other. “Shouldn’t you be protecting your girlfriend, or whatever?” Jonah spat at him as he went to walk past. Bucky grabbed his arm, “First of all, Melissa is my fiancé, and she is safe, and second of all, why is Y/N any concern of yours?” Bucky sneers.

Jonah pulls his arm away and continues past Bucky looking for you. Both men climb over a mountain of rubble and finally find you. You are partially pinned under a slab of concrete from a leveled building. “Y/N!” Bucky shouts before running up to you. “Buck? Jonah?” you question as both men come into your line of site. “Can someone help get me out of this?” you say looking at Bucky. He started to partially lift the concrete as Jonah pulled you from under your arms and gets you out from under the rubble. 

Before Bucky as a chance to look you over, Jonah sweeps you up into his arm and starts carrying you away. You look back at Bucky and give him a small smile, “Thanks Buck,” you say as Jonah climbs the mountain of debris. Bucky watches you both go and takes a deep breath. He hasn’t felt fear like that in awhile. It was terrible and exhilarating at the same time.

He quickly got himself out of rubble and ran back to Melissa who was sitting back at the command center. When she sees him she gets up and runs into his arms, hysterically crying. “Where did you go? I was so scared,” Melissa says. Bucky freezes, “I’m so sorry, honey. I didn’t think,” he says and he tightens his hold on her. He looks to the medical tent and sees you getting checked out, with Jonah sitting next to you, making you laugh.

He can’t help the jealousy he feels for a moment, but then he hears the sniffles from the woman in his arms and decides to not pay you attention. Once Melissa calms down, Bucky pulls her back and looks into her eyes. He sees she is scared and is considering calling the rest of the day off and taking her home. He shouldn’t be here anyway. But he wants to stay at the same time. He honestly has missed this.

“Melissa, I think you need to...” “Hey anyone want to go to the tower to regroup and eat?” Tony shouts, interrupting Bucky. Everyone, including you nod your head in agreement. “Alright Avengers, lets head over, Agents let us know of any update,” you say as you start walking toward Wanda and Natasha. Bucky looks at Melissa, “Do you want to go?” he asks. Melissa nods before snuggling into Bucky’s chest.

Back at the tower Bucky ran to shower off all the mud from the mission while everyone sets Melissa up with food. They start talking about all war stories of missions come and gone. Suddenly Bucky re-emerges, “Oh, food smells good,” he says with a smile, as the two of you almost walk into each other. You both dance around awkwardly for a moment before you stop. You quickly walked around Bucky and headed to your room to shower and check you bandages. 

Bucky sits across from Melissa and gives her a small smile as he listens to the war stories the team was telling. Sam shouts, “Remember Bucky that time you and Y/N ran after that head HYDRA guy. You guys went so off course that we were scared we would never find you,” he says with a laugh. Bucky chuckles, “Yeah, I just wanted to make sure she didn’t kill herself,” Bucky responds. 

“Why is she upset with these people?” Melissa asks. Everyone in the room goes quiet and sobers up. Melissa looks around wondering why everyone was staring at her, “Was that a bad question?” she asks. Bucky looks at her and shakes his head, “It’s... it’s not our story to tell, but they did something really bad to her years ago,” he says. She looks at him, “And why were you so obsessed?” she asks.

Tony drops his fork in surprise, “You don’t know about Bucky’s history?” he asks. Bucky glares at him, “She knows the basics,” he says to Tony before turning to Melissa, “HYDRA are the people that did this to me, “ he says raising his metal arm. Melissa’s eyes widen, “They... they are the ones who made you bad?” she asks. Bucky slowly nods, nervous of her reaction. Melissa takes a deep breath, “Ok, well I think they have what’s coming then,” she says.

--

You are brushing your hair into a ponytail after your shower. You have a new suit on, and feel so much better. There is a small knock and you turn to the door to see Nat, “Sound’s like old times in there,” she says with a small smile. You nod and look down, “it does,” you say quietly, “but it’s different. He is... different,” you say, trying to keep the tears in.

Nat walks closer to you, “Doesn’t sound so different to me. Didn’t look different when he ran after you,” she says with a smirk. “It feels different,” you say, a tear running down your cheek. “I pushed him away, and was too focused on what I wanted that I didn’t notice. Now he has her, and she supports him, and treats him so much better than me.” you sniff. “He doesn’t want me anymore,” you say.

Nat wraps you up into a tight hug, “But he is here,” she says quietly in your ear. “He is here, and there has to be a reason,” she says. You pull away and wipe your nose with your wrist. “To prove Jonah and everyone wrong. That he didn’t run away, that he chose to leave me,” you say. Nat gives you a sympathetic smile, “I know that’s what he said, but I don’t know if that’s the truth,” she says before leading you back out to the common room.

Bucky looks up as you both walk in and see your eyes are slightly bloodshot. He furrows his eyebrows in wonder what has you upset, but before he has a chance to check, Steve runs in, “Agent Miller just called in and said they spotted one of the informants, not too far from here,” he says. You all quickly jump up and run out to the waiting vehicles.

“Sam, can you bring Melissa to the command center and keep her safe?” he asks Sam. “Sure thing Tinman! Let me know if you guys need more air support, I will be on the comms,” Sam says. He leads Melissa to a separate truck after she gives Bucky a quick kiss goodbye. 

Bucky runs up after you and jumps in the front seat with you before you pull out and head to the area where the informant was seen.

--

Chapter 4 / Chapter 6

Reader finally understands what her actions did, but it’s too late. I’m allowing myself to feel bad for her. You don’t have to agree, but when you have such a focus on things, sometimes you don’t realize what you are doing. Feedback is appreciated.

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[hobiwonder]

daddies’ little princess~

Pairing: grizzly bear Namjoon, polar bear Yoongi, panda Hoseok, puppy taehyung x reader

Genre: flufffffff. hybrid au. daddy!bts. little!reader. human reader

Words: 3k 

Warnings: slight swearing. implication of sex. nothing else.

Summary: yoongi yelled at you and now you’re hiding in the closet.

a/n: i combined two ideas from you guys so thank you for that. sorry it took longer bc... it ended up being longer lmao. also writing daddy and littles is new to me and just whole fluff is new to me so i’ll appreciate feedback. :) enjoy my little bubs. 

(imagine yoongi there lmao i couldn’t find a gif for all of them)

“y/n?” a light knock outside the closet door that you promptly ignore.

“taehyung?” the puppy hybrid looks over to your pouting face before snuggling in closer to you in the decent sized closet, resting his chin on your shoulder as you glare at the closet door and the line of light that you can see from the slit where the two doors meet to close.

“d-do you think we should l-let them in?”

“no!” your response is instant and biting as the puppy jumps in surprise at your tone before nuzzling even closer to you. But it seems that your angry response had been a tad bit too loud because you can hear another set of footsteps approaching near the closet while the grizzly bear – Namjoon – sighs at your bratty tone. Refusing to get out of the closet.

“y/n? honey? It’s joonie. Baby can you please open the closet door for us?”

Taehyung is pulling back his face that had been buried in your neck, arms holding you tightly around the waist as he cuddled your rigid body to try and calm you down after your spat with Yoongi – the grumpy polar bear hybrid about wanting to get some writing done as a lyricist but you had wanted to colour in the new book he’d gotten you, with taehyung. Instead, after your endless jumps and hops around him trying to coax him to just spend time with you and the puppy – he’d snapped and told you to stop being a brat and listen to him for once.

And being the more sensitive out of all of your boyfriends, your eyes had started to produce tears on their own accord and before you could humiliate yourself even further, you’d taken taehyung’s hand and ran out of his room to the master bedroom closet, locking yourself in with taehyung. The puppy had just held you and started cuddling you as soon as you’d plopped on the floor with a scowl on your face, an angry pout on your lips to keep the tears at bay because of Yoongi snapping at you.

That had been 20 minutes ago until Yoongi had finally found out where you’d been hiding – mostly because of how loudly you’d been telling taehyung that you hated Yoongi! You hated him you hated him you hated him! He loved work more than you! All the while the obedient and docile puppy had just rubbed soothing circles on your back with one hand while the other wiped away the one or two lone angry tears that fell from your eyes. Taehyung was a big cuddler and took the opportunity whenever he saw one. But most of all, he was the other pea to your pod. He was your favourite because he played with you, he loved cuddles as much – some would argue more, and that person would probably be himself – and was an all around soulmate. At least one of them. Because who knew you’d get three more. Two of which were standing outside the closet, pleading with you to get out.

“no! no one likes me so im not coming out!” you were nearly shouting and it only made the puppy hold you tighter, hoping to calm you down.

“that’s not true baby. Yoongi was tired. He’s sorry for upsetting you.” You scoff at Namjoon’s attempt to apologise on behalf of his friend. Of course he would.

“you’re a liar. He hates me!” the tremble in your voice towards the end was evident. Saying the words out loud – that he hated you – really made it real and it dawned on you how foreign the word hate sounded when it came to him. He was sometimes the most affectionate towards everyone and it was hard to say that he hated you.

“y/n? princess? I don’t hate you my love. I was just very tired and I snapped. I’m so very sorry,” the dull ‘thud’ of a head being pressed against the door tells you that he’s leaning against it now. And through the small slit of light, you can just about make out that Namjoon is standing with one hand on his hips while the other is out of your sight.

You were mad, obviously, but moreover; you’d gotten your period today. And of course, the pms was at its worst on the first day as even a slightly raised voice made you want to sob. Thus, you were also sad. The stupid little voices telling you that your daddies didn’t love you.

“y/n?” you’re snapped out of your thoughts when you look over to the side at taehyung’s inquisitive, slightly nervous face – he was sometimes scared by your outbursts since he was still a puppy. “he means it.” He’s nodding at you, as if to say that ‘look, I believe him too.’

It doesn’t make you less angry, but it does make you less sad. Knowing that it was probably your hormones making you think bad thoughts. And suddenly, you were feeling lethargic, falling back in to taehyung’s soft body as he holds you even closer, placing small kisses on your cheeks. “do you want me to open the door now?”

Bringing your hands up to your face as you make little fists, rubbing at your damp eyes to make the annoying tears go away! – you nod slowly. Your tummy was hurting and the anger was wearing off – slowly but surely. And with one kick, taehyung had opened one side of the closet door as Yoongi and Namjoon rush forwards.

“Oh goodness. My baby.” Namjoon is cooing at you when you make a beeline for him instead of Yoongi when he tries to hold you first. But of course, you were still grumpy and went straight for the fluffy grizzly bear hybrid, wrapping your arms and legs around him as he picks you up – slightly swaying on the spot while rubbing your back. Your face is buried in his neck and you know he’s walking you to the living room. The puppy had instead latched on to Yoongi, arms around his waist as he walked with him, following Namjoon out to the main area.

“Bro this is insane. Half time and not one goal-” the panda hybrid’s voice is loud and he’s sitting on the massive couch facing the tv – until he looks behind him, “woah woah woah. What’s happening here.”

“Just a small fight. Nothing much,” Namjoon is nonchalantly shaking his head at Hoseok who’s now stood up from his seat to walk over to Namjoon who had placed you on the kitchen counter. But of course – you’re not in the mood to let this go just yet.

“it wasn’t a small fight!” your lips are trembling when you’ve finally pulled your face from namjoon’s neck which was now slightly damp from your silent tears, “Yoongi daddy hates me.”

All of the men in the room had listened to you in silence until the sob that had broken out from you towards the end while you’d pointed at Yoongi. Simultaneous voices of ‘oh baby’ ‘that’s not true darling’ had rung about around you as tae squeezed his way between you and Namjoon, hugging your stomach to comfort your tiny sobs. All the while, Yoongi stays behind, watching the other hybrids comfort your obviously sour mood.

“he doesn’t hate you y/n. I can guarantee that okay my love?” Hoseok has both his hands around your face that’s swollen with the amount of crying you’d been doing, wiping away each tear that falls before kissing your forehead. And guess what? It makes you cry harder.

“oh god, did I do something?” Hoseok is sounding worried as he pulls back, glaring slightly at the puppy who had – once again – wedged his way in between you and Hoseok and was now hugging you tightly and you returned the embrace. But ever the most caring leader, Namjoon comes to the rescue again from behind the kitchen counter where he’d put a pot on the stove.

“it’s fine. She’s just upset. Let her cry it out,” he nods at Hoseok who now looks less worried than before. In all this ruckus, everyone had but forgotten Yoongi’s slowly retrieving figure- before Namjoon stops him.

“hyung, don’t take it to heart okay? She’s just upset. She knows you love her,” Namjoon is placing a hand on yoongi’s, squeezing tight as he brings him closer – the worry and guilt written all over yoongi’s face.

“yeah but does she?” Namjoon pulls Yoongi in an all out hug now, not missing the scoff from the elder at the affection.

“of course she does you silly bear. Taehyung just told me she got her period today as well. And you know how she gets.” And it’s all finally making sense as yoongi’s mouth turns in to an ‘o’ as everything clicks. Of course he shouldn’t have snapped at you and he has apologised profusely for it. But he’d never gotten this type of reaction before from you. But knowing that you were just not feeling well had him feeling slighter better and worse at the same time. For upsetting you when you were probably having period cramps like you usually did and needed more pampering and caring than usual.

“ah… okay. Should I get the usual then?” Namjoon just smiles at Yoongi knowingly and pats him on the shoulder encouragingly.

“yeah. But don’t count on her to jump on you straight away. You know how stubborn our princess is.” Namjoon’s chuckle maybe teasing but it was definitely true. But still. He loved his little princess.

“that she is.” And then Yoongi is off to the master bedroom to get your favourite stuffie, your snow white binky and your favourite blankie to get ready to make it up to you.

Your tears have now turned in to mellow sniffles while the three men try and cheer you up. Taehyung had still been firmly attached to you until Hoseok had told the puppy to go and set up totoro on the big screen for you while Namjoon finished up with your favourite hot chocolate.

“does it hurt a lot in your tummy?” Hoseok is softly rubbing your stomach while you nod your head animatedly, the pout permanently stuck on your face.

“aw my sweet sweet girl. Let’s get you some Panadol okay?” when hosoek turns away to grab the medicine from the drawer next to the TV, you’re hiccupping again before whimpering – not wanting him to walk away while your arms had stuck out in grabby hands until he’d rushed back to where you sat on the counter top, cuddling you close to his chest. The panda’s fresh, earthy scent always put you at ease and you refused to let him go. So he had to pick you up again, much like how Namjoon had to earlier when he’d picked you off the closet floor, and takes you to the living room before setting you down on the couch.

Hoseok swears he’s turned his back only for a second to grab some of the painkillers and yet – there the puppy was, cuddling you to death. He rolls his eyes but can’t help the smile that appears on his face when taehyung is nuzzling your tummy making the cutest – and your first laugh since The Incident – laugh escape your pretty lips.

“Alrighty! A hot cup of yummy cocoa coming right up ma’am.” You’re smiling softly up at Namjoon as he sets it down in front of you and hands you a glass of water first so you can take the meds.

When Yoongi has returned with all the essentials for a y/n care package, he finds Namjoon placing a soft kiss on your lips before he hands you the hot chocolate mug before taking the puppy and having a seat on one side of the massive couch. Yoongi remembers the day all five of you had gone shopping to find the biggest and comfiest couch you could – just to do exactly what you were all about to do today which was watch your favourite movie. Though he’s sighing – remembering that you being this mad at him never being a part of the plan.

He must have been loud because your head had turned towards where he stood and instantly – your eyes were on the blankie that he was holding. But you were in no mood to ask him for it. Not yet at least. So once again, you’re holding on to Hoseok tight when sits down – pulling you on his lap to cuddle you close to his chest.

“Hyung, come on. The movie is starting.” Namjoon is encouragingly smiling at him and Yoongi can’t help his pride as he walks forward to the couch, taking a seat besides Hoseok. Wanting to see if you’d move away from his lap – and also because that was the only seat left.

But instead of you moving away, you’re completely ignoring him, cuddling in to Hoseok as the movie starts. Not even twenty minutes later in the movie, you’re cuddling further into Hoseok, placing kisses on his neck while he chuckles and playfully tells you to pay attention to the movie in a whisper. Yoongi can’t quite make it out but one thing is for sure. Your mood had changed and you were no longer sad. At least it didn’t look like it. Taehyung has firmly taking a place on Namjoon’s lap, cuddling the grizzly bear while laughing the cutest laughs at each funny part.

“what? You want your blankie? Then go and take it from daddy Yoongi.” Hoseok is slightly louder this time as he tilts his head to the side to tell you to go to Yoongi but you’re being stubborn – like always. Hiding your face in hoseok’s chest again before he pries it away once more after you’d mumbled something that Yoongi couldn’t quite make out.

“no baby. I’m not going to ask him for you. You need to make up with him okay?” you’re pouting and slightly glaring at Hoseok for making you do this, “y/n. don’t make daddy upset.” This time however though, he’s referring to himself. Sighing – exaggeratedly of course – you nod and agree to go to Yoongi. But not before Hoseok has placed a deep open mouth kiss on your lips – tugging a tiny moan out of your mouth before he turns you around to face Yoongi.

Hoping that you’d finally relent, Yoongi is opening his arms towards you, waiting patiently for you to stop glaring at him. And just a few seconds later, your face is softening and you’re almost lunging at Yoongi that he’s pushed back slightly on the couch.

“Oh my sweet darling. I’m so so sorry. Daddy is so sorry.” You’ve buried your face in his chest while he’s whispering the words to you – sweet kisses being placed in your hair. And while you’re both lost in your moment – the rest of the hybrids watch, finally feeling at ease that their princess is no longer upset.

“you were a meany to me daddy.” Yoongi is wrapping you in the blankie while you ramble and vent away at how much he upset you. And when a lone tear escapes your eyes again; his hear clenches.

“I didn’t mean it bug. You’re my love, my biggest priority and daddy will never upset you like that again okay?”

The hesitation is only there for a second before you’re tilting your head back a little to look at him in his beautiful face, “daddy promise?” your voice is so small, the pout still endearingly on your cherub face that Yoongi can’t help but hold the back of your head with one hand – bring yours closer to his until your foreheads rested together before replying.

“daddy promise.” And just like that, the smile that lights up his entire fucking world is back on your face and he feels the weight being lifted off his chest.

“d-daddy…. Can I..” you trail off while Yoongi pays utter attention to what you want to say.

“yes princess? What does baby want?” shyly, your gaze slips to his lips before you look at him in the eyes again.

“i-I wanna…wanna kiss.” He’s trying to hide a smile as he nods, pressing a sweet, chaste kiss to your lips, holding your face gently in his hands but it seems that you have other plans.

“m-more.” You’re dazedly murmuring as he’s tried to pull away before pulling him back in before kissing Yoongi deeply. And he figures, after the day you’d had  and how he’d treated you – he could kiss you for a while. So he slips his hands further in your hair, pulling your face even closer as he slips his tongue in your mouth while you let out the sweetest little whimper. And that’s how you spend the next 3 minutes or so. Deeply kissing each other, tongues tangling, little moans escaping your pretty lips – until you start to get handsy and Namjoon reminds Yoongi that you’re on your period.

“princess, daddy can’t right now you know that.” His light scolding has you pulling back with a grumble but your mind is so pleasantly hazy that you don’t care much. Snuggling in to Yoongi while you stretch your legs over Hoseok who instantly starts massaging your feet.

“give her her binky and her stuffie hyung.” Namjoon gestures behind Yoongi where he’d set the stuff on the coffee table.

He slips the binky in your mouth as you instantly latch on, hugging your stuffy tight before settling in to watch the rest of the movie. And that’s how you spend the rest of the night. All of you snuggled on one couch, cuddling each other – especially you – until you’re peacefully asleep between the 3 men – taehyung was now occupying hoseok’s lap while Yoongi shifted you to Namjoon sometime towards the end of the movie when his legs started to fall asleep.

“love you daddy” your sleepy murmur doesn’t go unnoticed when you’re being carried to bed.

“we love you too our little bunny.”

[elaine-moon]

Got tagged by @imbolcs to make a playlist with each letter of my url so here goes

Eet by Regina Spektor - the first cd i ever bought was this album and this song encapsulates that weird sensation of nostalgia and longing for something that maybe never happened that I get sometimes

Lovecraft in Brooklyn by The Mountain Goats - hnnng Manic Energy...also surrealism (also If i didn’t pick this one it would have been another Bastille or Florence and im trying to diversify)

All That We Let In by The Indigo Girls - look I am Soft. This is Soft. I grew up on indigo girls i can sing this whole album by heart but this one can and will still make me misty eyed

I Wanna Get Better by The Bleachers - What a fucking bop, and also a mental illness mood. On several “therapy is expensive but screaming is free” playlists. Sometimes your only purpose is to make it to tomorrow and thats okay

Nobody by Mitski - nobody nobody nOBODY NOBODY.... a bop and a mood and a very good song. scream along

Explode by Patrick Stump - There was no FOB on this list and that is a tragedy and unacceptable. Also im very small and very angry so you can imagine the kind of stress

Misguided Ghosts by Paramore - A little lost but very soft and kinda reassuring... oh you are not useless.... my heart miss paramore im love you

Oblivion by Bastille - I. Am. SOFT. Sitting at a fire with your love asleep on your shoulder but you’re having an out-of-body experience as you confront your mortality and how you will never have a permanent hold on anything but also you’re not scared just aware and a little sad

Only If For A Night by Florence + The Machine - the highschool crush in all her idealized state comes to you in a dream and reminds you to love yourself and to stand up and fight for yourself and the only way you can tell it’s a dream is because time is unreal

NFWMB by Hozier - okay I know that this is one singer singing about their love who is so strong and powerful that the apocalypse shied away before them but whenever I listen to it I hear two people, switching verses, where one is in awe of the other’s power and the other is possessive and protective of Their Baby

I’m not gonna tag anyone but if you want to do it say you were tagged by me I’d love to see!!!!

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

just gonna rant about my health issues to no one in particular for a bit under the cut sooo

im just so fucking tired of being sick all the time like. its been almost 2 years now of actively Going To Doctors And Having Tests Done And Trying To Get A Diagnosis and fucking!!! nothing works!!! and i only have until the end of this coming school year to get it figured out before my insurance runs out otherwise im just fucked!!! because im sure as hell not gonna be able to afford a fucking mri every six months making 10 bucks an hour at some retail shithole but so far ive seen SIX different fucking doctors (not counting 2 ER visits) because they all just keep shuffling me back and forth like “idk maybe have someone else deal with this? weird lol” or like “have you considered that maybe you might have anxiety :) you seem stressed :)” 

like yeah its a fucking stressful situation getting progressively fucking sicker for two goddamn years wasting thousands of dollars and reaching the end of a fucking ticking clock because almost every doctor ive seen is an incompetent jackass who does NOTHING but waste my time and money and then fucking condescend to me about anxiety like!!! yeah i probably DO have anxiety and depression and autism and what the fuck ever else but this isnt THAT 

and the literal ONE TIME i had ANY treatment that worked AT ALL helping with my eye spasms (literally One of Many Symptoms that i deal with on a fucking daily basis that still manages to completely fuck up my life) is something i cant take anymore because it damaged my fucking eyes!!! possibly permanently!!! i already HAD issues wtih light sensitivity that this medicine made WAYYY fucking worse and guess whats one of the WORST things at setting off my eye spasms??? anything to do with fucking light so YEAH thANKS for that @ the opthalmologist who had me take those damn eye drops for two months straight, which other neuro opthalmologist said was bullshit when i saw her again, not that im letting HER off the hook either since she REFERRED me to that incompetent bitch in the first place and then had NO solution other than “hm well you definitely shouldnt take that medicine again, but theres literally No Other Treatment, maybe blow another $400 in a few months to come see me again so i can continue to Not Help You In Any Way”

and its getting wORSE ALL THE TIME!!! and the best thing doctors can think of is “hm well maybe wait a bit to see if it gets worse? and maybe then we’ll know what it is?” well its getting worse!!!! but they still dont seem to know what it is!!! like at first it was just my vision going out of focus for a few seconds at a time, then it was a few minutes, then i was having visual distortion (or maybe hallucinations? who knows! certainly not any of the fucking doctors ive seen!), then awful fucking eye strain headaches, then spasms in my neck, then my jaw, then my arms, then my legs, now all fucking over, and now i get sick and dizzy just by moving my HEAD too far or too suddenly and like at work earlier today i was just stumbling around for two hours bc there was too much pressure in my head and everything felt tilted and i was just grabbing at every surface trying not to fall with my head like on my shoulder bc keeping my neck straight was too fucking hard and i swear to fuckign god a couple nights ago there was this weird buzzing on the side of my face??? and like it felt like my mouth was moving slower than it should??? but i dont even KNOW if thats a Real SymptomTM or if i was just freaked out and tired and imagining things or if i really am just getting to be a paranoid delusional nutcase about my health because every little thing terrifies me at this point, like ive been coughing for a couple weeks and instead of being like “oh its a bad cold” im like “maybe now my immune systems fucked up too maybe this is A New Symptom” i literally cant tell anymore i have no fucking idea 

and i dont WANT to think about all this All The Fucking Time but i do!!!!! i literally HAVE to bc it affects my life in every fucking possible way and i cant escape it like even rn the light from the fuckign computer is hurting my eyes and i cant even see what im typing half the time bc my eyes keep going out of focus and my teeth keep chattering and my head hurts or ill go to get a drink of water but then just Stand there for a few minutes bc i dont trust myself to hold a cup full of water and not spill it bc im having spasms or ill have to wear sunglasses at the dinner table bc my fucking idiot asshole dad got the BRIGHTEST possible lightbulbs for the dining room and i physically cant stand them 

or like im already dreading having to explain all this shit to my professors this semester about how like “oh so i probably wont be able to keep up with daily readings, especialyl not if theyre on physical paper and i cant scale up the text because my eyes just spontaneously stop working and i cant read..... and ill need a computer to take notes, i can Usually hold a pencil but one time i had a spasm in class and flung it across the room and it was super embarrassing and i ltierally skipped that class for weeks because of it so id really rather not deal with that again.... and even though im a fuckign AMAZING public speaker like, state champion debate level public speaking, ill still probably get super fucking nervous and suck at any kind of in class presentation bc ill just be thinking about my spasms the whole time and wont be able to focus....... and ill have to wear sunglasses all the time too so hopefully thats not an issue........ and also ill probably miss a lot of class bc whether or not i can handle walking half a mile Varies Wildly from day to day and also i have a lot of doctors appointments and sometimes im on medicine that completely ruins my sleep schedule so you know... looking forward to a great semester, hope i dont completely fail your class” 

and i have fuckign work tomorrow where ill have to deal with trying to pretend like even the most minor tasks arent painful and difficult and deal with awful btichy entitled customers complaining that im not SMILEY enough for you like the motherfucker who asked me how i was and i said fine and he was like “jUuUUuuuST fINE” like shut the everlasting FUCK UP with that ive met my obligation leave me ALONE my day isnt FINE im in awful pain and i HATE you and everyone like you or ill have to deal with my coworkers giving me weird looks while im having spasms or outright MOCKING me for them like the asshole that called me TWITCH (and a whore, but thats Another Fucking Story) or just not knowing how to deal and making bad taste jokes like when my teeth are chattering bc I Physically Cant Make It Stop like “haha are you chewing an invisible piece of gum lol” like no bitch im a neurological nightmare and my brain doesnt work and im Barely Holding Together would you PLEASE shut the fuck up 

and most of the time i just feel like everyone thinks im a fucking freak like even just sitting in the waiting room to see the neurologist or opthalmologist or whatever and everyone else there is Old and im the only person even remotely close to my age there and even the doctors dont seem to take me that seriously bc of it like “oh shes young, cant be that bad, all these old people out here are gonna die like tomorrow so why worry about this girl, its probably just anxiety from being on her period or having a test to study for lol” like straight up when the movement disorder neurologist was examining me she was like “im not used to seeing anyone this young or healthy’ and i know she meant it relatively speaking but like!!! clearly im NOT healthy or i wouldnt BE here like obviously something is wrong with me and its ruining my life and its serious and id like it fixed thanks!!!!! 

and i feel like No One Gets It like, obviously there are people wayyyy sicker than i am who suffer a lot more or people in similar situations but like. i dont Personally Know someone like that i can just talk to and like, of course i have friends who can Listen but.................................. theres a difference from being able to listen and being able to actually Understand and sometimes you just cant Get It unless youve gone through it like i really dont think ANYONE in my life has any idea how serious this is or how much it affects me and i know i cant expect everyone to just Always Think Of My IssuesTM but little things!!! like maybe NOT having the brighest possible lightbulbs in the dining room!!!! my brother NOT having his birthday party at dave and busters, which i had TONS of spasms at last time i went (and im even worse now!) AND the staff gave me shit about wearing sunglasses so now im nervous about That too or just! idk! people respecting and listening to me when i tell them that i Cant Do Something or that Doing That Thing Hurts and not just brushing me off or telling me im overreacting and then getting all shocked pikachu face when their dumbassery actually physically HURTS me and i get pissed with them for it!!!!

i dont think anyone gets how much it scares me all the time or how its Always on my mind and i literally cant think about anything else like. this could be the rest of my life. this could end my life. i dont know what i have. i might get diagnosed in the next month and have it completely cured, i might get a diagnosis and still be sick forever, i might not find out until its too late and i have LITERALLY NO FUCKING IDEA WHICH ONE!!!! ITS GREAT!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

[oblio-k]

whom are your st ocs!!! tell me stuff

ive got!!!! a lot!!! because i have no self control! 2.5 crews n a bonus OC i made for my sibling’s oc crew. im going to ramble about All Of Them given this opportunity here they are under the cut.

My first (all OC) crew is the USS August AKA The USS Rejects. Basically starfleet’s former ‘best’ got shoveled onto one ship after they outlived their use. 

Captain Hyrel, a gender-neutral Axanar, is like the parent of the whole crew and refuses to court martial any of them even though they beg them to. Used to be really good at winning battles during various wars, but then gave up and said they would only take peaceful scientific missions from there on out. They’ve got a lil human son (Hyrel Jr.) they rescued when he was a baby.

Commander Petrov ‘J’ Jorge is their first officer, human dude. He was a model officer on his way to being Captain when a first contact mission went horribly wrong and he was left permanently disfigured with a head injury that completely altered his personality. Has anger management issues and wants to quit, but Hyrel won’t let him. In love with a Romulan centurion he met in neutral space.

Lt. Commander T’kae, vulcan lady. She hates J and really wants to be the first officer, but Hyrel won’t promote her. Impatient with her 2 superiors and is usually fed up with the crew, though she’d die for any of them.

Ensign Saurvin, my disaster vulcan boy!! He’s been promoted and demoted a lot, and has completely rejected logic and embraced emotion. Gets into fights a lot but cares a LOT about his friends, starts a little club on board for crewmembers who are too different from the rest of their species. He’s engaged to a Ferengi and plans to quit starfleet as soon as his bf becomes a Daimon so they can travel the galaxy together and have a blast.

Doctor Stovek, not the CMO, human/vulcan hybrid dude who resents his human heritage and hasn’t spoken to his human dad since his mother died a decade ago. Close friends with T’kae and they both try to follow the path of logic together. Refuses to join Saurvin’s club.

Counselor Fer Xeandi, betazoid guy who can’t help but read everybody’s thoughts. Really friendly and outgoing, and has a crush on J.

Ensign Kaya, betazoid/ullian hybrid girl. Fresh out of the academy and is very shy and quiet. Has a lot of family issues (her betazoid dad is really sick, she doesn’t talk to her mother, and her twin brother hates her and convinces the rest of their betazoid family to disown her) due to her not having any telepathic ability at all. She’s Saurvin’s best friend and a member of his club.

Chief of Security Arcus Nyo, a caitian dude who has a LOT of fur and is big. He hates Ensign Saurvin because Saurvin makes tons of cat jokes around him to make Kaya laugh. Has a massive crush on the chief engineer, Aaraa, and everyone knows it though he insists it’s not true. Loves arachnids a lot, owns some tarantulas & stuff in his quarters.

Chief Engineer Aaraa, an Aaamazzarite guy. Kind of quiet but firm when giving orders. His quarters are absolutely coated in his webbing which is disgusting to almost everyone but Arcus. Has no idea what a spider is, but boy does he love them when he finds out. His eventual dream is to retire, get married to Arcus, and live out the rest of their days happily on a tarantula farm.

CMO Sokaa Eri, a human woman raised by a human and vulcan couple. She’s really sweet but also terrifying when she wants to be. Deals with so much all the time, she needs a vacation but refuses to take shore leave out of fear that someone will die on board without her there.

Nurse Kive Idor, a mostly Bajoran man. His grandfather was a Cardassian, he assumes. He was raised by a Cardassian woman named Ricana Idor in Federation space after his parents died in a transport shuttle accident. Really doesn’t like being called by his first name, and doesn’t care for Bajoran culture, even though his mother made sure to teach him all about it and encouraged him to follow it if he wanted to.

SECOND CREW i made after watching ds9, the USS Akira ! A bunch of useless gays are gathered onto one ship by a captain who actually listens to his first officer when told not to go on an away mission, every time.

Captain Niko, human dude. Literally says “Oh, if I wasn’t such a nice person I wouldn’t have picked up so many strays.” and surprisingly no one around him wants to kill him for saying that because he is just a nice person. Joined starfleet to get away from his physically abusive father to try and find a faraway planet he could start a new life on, was accidentally really good at being an officer and before he knew it he was being promoted to Captain and being sent on a long exploration mission. Found and adopted a Vulcan boy, Sarin. Won’t go on dangerous missions because he doesn’t want to leave Sarin without a father.

First Officer Commander Onarog, ferengi dude. Very smart and hardworking, but not very good with social skills. Very perceptive and can always tell when someone is upset. Niko likes joking he should have been a counselor.

Second Officer Lt. Commander Qihata Xirad, a Bolian girl. She’s very friendly and loves gossip. Likes surprising people but doesn’t always realize when someone isn’t in the mood. Excitable and has a big crush on one of the nurses, Kezrell.

CMO, Meneha Adado, betazoid. Quiet lady who keeps to herself and uses her telepathy to figure out how her patients feel. Has a wife and kids on Betazed that she visits sometimes, misses. Niko’s oldest friend, but respects his wishes for her not to read his thoughts and find out about his past.

Chief Engineer Taiggok. Orion male, very nervous and doesn’t like talking to anyone but his team and the bridge crew (when he has to). Very strong, and his favorite thing is to go back to his quarters every day to take care of his pet salamander.

Chief of security, Lt. Zac Ramirez. Human/orion hybrid guy, but hides the fact that he’s half orion. Kind of withdrawn, but is best friends with his second in command and really wants to befriend Taiggok.

Security officer, Lt. jr. Vimio Zh’raqass. Andorian, they’re always by Zac’s side and are very excited. Don’t realize that they’re in love with Zac, just think they really want to be his best friend. Worries about their friends a lot, has no clue that Zac isn’t fully human.

Nurse Kezrell, an unjoined Trill girl. Is absolutely terrified of the thought of being joined. She actively avoids other Trill and falls in love with every pretty girl she sees.

Science officer, Lt. Terim. He’s a Xindi-Reptilian, and is handsome, since i was using a character generator and it said a xindi-reptilian that everyone thinks is very handsome. Thoughful/kind dude who will gladly try to cheer up anyone. Loves a friendly tussle, is very handsy with people he’s friends with, and is close friends with Onarog.

Ensign Genna, a Xindi-Arboreal. She’s always tired and is very forgetful and often confused, though she tries her best. Is friends with Terim, and tries to be friends with the rest of the crew. Is too tired to notice that her fellow ensign is in love with her.

Ensign Zura Jejo, a Bajoran girl. Pretty fearful and depressed, misses Bajor a lot. She’s really scared of Yeoman Loket, since he’s mean to her because her station is right next to his. Gets really flustered around Genna, and prays to the prophets that one day Genna will notice.

Yeoman Loket Arlat. A Cardassian man exiled after being framed for murder. Niko saved his life and he feels he owes the Captain a debt in return. Says that he’ll leave after he returns the favor, but Niko refuses to put himself in harm’s way so he’s been there for years. Pretty much like Niko’s second son. Is pretty mean to everyone but Niko and Sarin.

Bonus non crew member: Commander Rutora, an exiled Romulan who failed a huge mission. Stole a warbird and after meeting Niko and falling in love with him he follows their ship around and acts like a nuisance. Ashamed of being in love with a human and keeps promising to kill Niko, but can’t bring himself to.

The OC members of my ‘next generation’ style ship, the USS Nobility, where i gather up all the canon kids and stick them on one ship and fill in the blanks with OCs:

My life and love, my baby boy and darling Bug Man, CMO’s Assistant Doctor Yek. He’s an original species I made up called a Parasitoid, based on parasitoid wasps. Big bug boi who wears a life support suit because he comes from a class Y planet he can’t reveal the location of. Is married to Mekor Dukat and has a small lizard/bug hybrid baby with him, Saint. He would do anything for his family and doesn’t follow his people’s tradition of killing their chosen hosts and returning home. Wants to find a nice planet far away from Cardassia to raise his family.

Acting Ensign ‘Checkers.’ A two-spirit teen who comes from an alternate universe after the ship hits an anomaly. Is the fusion duplicate of Janeway & Chakotay after a transporter accident, but won’t tell anyone because they don’t want to interefere with the timeline. The entire crew adopts them.

Ensign Hoji Andu, nervous Bajoran man who joined starfleet to explore, but feels guilty about leaving Bajor and his two older siblings, who are the Cardassian/Bajoran hybrid twins (named Irza Miyo & Moha) his mother had during the Occupation. He and his father weren’t the best to them, and he regrets it and believes they hate him. He promised his mother he would look after them before she died.

Lt. T’rea, vulcan woman who is an engineer, but also acts as an unprofessional therapist for the rest of the crew when she has spare time. Very much misses her wife who lives on Vulcan, though she’d never admit it.

BONUS OC for my sibling’s crew of beautiful women who could annihilate me, a kind Vulcan man, and my nonbinary goblin who deserves an ass kicking

Ensign Alek Ch’zei, a Cardassian/Andorian hybrid who loves flirting and has yet to find a temperature they find comfortable. No one likes them because they’re rude, keep fighting people, and won’t shut up. The vulcan lieutenant (a dude named Stafuck) dates them on and off to explore emotion and a lack of Logic. When Stafuck reaches his pon farr and the Captain starts worrying because they’re too far from Vulcan, Alex unzips their shirt and goes ‘don’t worry. i’ve got this’.

[thevagabondlog]

Ive been staring at this blank page for an hour now. I haven’t written a shred of anything in close to a year, but I feel like the current set of circumstances right now dictate it. Hermes guides me. I haven’t even written a draft by hand like I normally do, Im just letting this come out and it feels great.

The last two, maybe even three years of my strange trip on this planet have been such a surreal high paced blur. Ive come to realize that I do too much in too short a time, too many places visited, people met, things done in the dead of night and the overwhelming heat of the day. A few strings busted, a few hearts broken. Nothing out of the ordinary except the fact that my address is still changing every month and I’m still getting lost daily, both in reality and in my mind. Not that I’d change it for the world. I don’t even know who exactly reads this garbage but if you still are, know this is going to be a long one. Ive got a lot on my mind, time is on my side and there’s nowhere I need to be.

Everyday in the Caribbean is incredibly hot and sticky. Every night is mysterious and romantic.

Writing this is simultaneously difficult and surprisingly easy. Its difficult to explain whats been shredding through my head the last few months or however bloody long. Since I last attempted to write, if you can call it that, Ive since been through a serious and drama filled breakup with my long term girlfriend back home, been to seven countries including South Africa ( more on that later ), morphed back into the older Joshua Palmer and basically been running a permanent anarchic riot around the world. As I write now, its once again a hot day in the Bahamas and my head is still swirling with Ricardo Black Rum from the previous night. Special Edition, of course.

Church of the Open Sky.

April 5 - April 26, three weeks back in the motherland after more than a year and a half overseas. A lot of expectations held, almost none of them met. Im not quite sure why, but looking back now in June I realize i didn’t enjoy my stay there at all. Highlights include seeing my parents again (they wept) and one or two close friends who I’m not even sure are still friends at this stage. I came to realize I hate most of the people that fill up my tiny coastal hometown, largely due to the fact that they’re all hypocritical judgmental small minded people who have never been anywhere farther than the gas station in the next town. Keep in mind that these are the same people that said I’d never amount to anything and Id be back home after a month of failed traveling searching for a job running a yacht. Choke on your words. Anyhow, I also got told numerous times that I’d changed completely, becoming much more ‘arrogant’, ‘rude’, ‘insensitive’ etc to the people around me. I suppose in a way I was, but then everyone back in that place is easily offended and so narrow minded it makes me want to shoot myself. I suppose Im much happier over here, on my own and fending for myself, in foreign countries where I don’t know anyone, and all I know is where North-East is. The entire time I was back there, I couldn’t wait to come back to the West Indies. It feels good getting these thoughts down, they’ve been bouncing around my head for too long now.

I was dancing with some girl in a club a month or two ago and in-between reggaetron and soca she asked me a question no one has ever asked before: “Where do you consider home?” I really don’t know. Definitely not back in my hometown, I don’t plan on setting foot in that place for another twenty years at least. Its not on the boat either, nor on any of the islands. Id have to say home is wherever I feel alive the most. Which just so happens to be fifteen feet underwater looking up.

May 4 - Twentieth birthday in Georgetown, Exumas, Bahamas. Largely uneventful, frankly boring and unsatisfying. Mind you I was working at the time so of course the celebrations were minimal to non existent.

January 2017 - Current.

Adopted really strange sleeping patterns similar to a Russian insomniac writer fighting his bouts of suicidal depression with vodka and pharmaceuticals. I don’t know what this stems from other than my erratic lifestyle of mainly working onboard the entire day and still getting drunk at local bars into the early hours of every new day.

Right now its summer and every heat wave day is longer than the last.

I have lost interest in a lot of people who I once thought important. I do not know if this is selfish on my part or all just part of moving around constantly, or just one of those things you deal with as you get older. I have been told numerous times that I’m not going to make it past thirty, and for some reason or other I’m embracing the thought. Go out in a strange and mysterious accident of sorts somewhere out at sea, that place that once gave birth to me. Ill let you know.

For the past few weeks I have also had these increasingly frequent urges to just pack up, delete my Facebook and go completely off the grid, getting lost in strange and exotic foreign places. Lawrence of Arabia in Morocco. Not knowing the unknown is turning me on more and more everyday, as well as the idea of just giving the finger to all the people back home who are getting married young, stuck in nine-to-fives that they hate, and coming home to deal with the mortgage and car insurance people. I left the country the first time with no actual plan, one bag and sixty dollars in my pocket and I don’t regret a single moment. And I don't mean all those cliche travel pictures and utter bullshit you see on social media telling you to just ‘pack up and go’, I mean actually deserting myself. Exile on Main St. Highway Child. Midnight Rambler.

The lust for this has never been greater. I keep asking myself just what is holding me back?

My biggest fear is living a life just like everyone else, a life that no one remembers. Why should I listen to any authority or second guess myself? Time will tell and hopefully sooner or later. And if I’m not mistaken, and I surely hope not, I may have found someone to do it with. A woman unlike anyone else Ive met or ever known before. A woman who, somehow exceeds everything I think about her constantly and is basically the exact fibre of my dream girl since I was fifteen. Physically outrageous, a beautiful figure. Mentally, she keeps me on my toes only because I hope to somehow match her standards. Well travelled and with such an eerily alike mind to my own its more than possible we were once together in an earlier life. My best efforts of a description is a glorious hybrid of a gypsy, voodoo witch, mermaid, and the Goddess Aphrodite all in one. With a sprinkling of a rebellious 1960’s mindset which only turns me on further. Making love to her only broke my mind in two and made me question everything. She’s everything I ever wanted from every rock and roll song Ive listened to, and she’s in all of them. And believe it or not I only knew her for three days before she flew off again, once more traveling. While Im starting to feel a little stuck in this place. Most would say Im crazy, but I already knew that.

I do wonder what, and how exactly she’s had such an effect on me. It makes me look back at every other girl I’ve ever been with and realize that they do not even come close to her or the psycho-electric effect she has on me. And if you know me, you’d know I dont feel like this to anyone, ever. She’s touched me deep down, and the next few months or years or whatever only promise to be very exciting.

Im trying, and not succeeding very well, to look back at everything over the past few months and years, if you couldn’t tell by now. How many people did I meet for five minutes and never see again? Friends or lovers for one night and then gone the next day never to be seen? I look at what all my ‘friends’ are doing back home, studying in their first or second year. My best friend living with his fiancee and hating every second, constant fighting and the such but too scared to leave because he believes he loves her and well, believes he cant do any better. In love with the security and constant hard work I suppose. A friend through the grapevine told me recently that he has lost respect for me and hates the lifestyle I live. I wont lie and tell you I wasn’t hurt or taken aback. We’ve spent four years together, done much, and always confided in one another. Is he jealous of the knowledge that Im traveling the world, free and easy, able to go to the bar every night and dance with exotic girls while he is forced to come home after work to a nagging unloving bitch that makes his life hell? He would never admit that. Im not scared to tell it exactly how it is though. Another trait passed on to me from my father, whom I miss so.

If I had never made the decision to leave all those months ago would I be in the same position as my friend right now? Maybe. More than likely, I was in a long term relationship with someone I thought I loved, about to get sucked into that domesticated world before I jumped ship. Haven’t seen her since actually. Thanks for the memories girl, but you weren’t for me.

Life would be very different and it would bore me to death. I prefer dying in other ways in places where no one understands English.

Now my thoughts go back to my unbiological sister, we once were very close. Always looking after one another, often mistaken to be a couple but not. I thought I was in love with her too, but she’s changed so dramatically in the time I was away I hardly recognized her anymore during my homecoming visit. She lied to me many times in those three weeks, thinking I wouldn’t find out, and probably still thinking Im ignorant. Makes me wonder why we are like we are. She told me I changed a lot too and I’m no longer the Josh she knew, that I’ve grown cold and distant. Well look at yourself babe, can you really blame me? Its only further cemented my belief that you need to keep moving forward in such a way that they will never trap you or hold you down, until finally you find someone that you want to be trapped with. You know who you are.

“I thought you needed my lovin’, But it’s my heart that you stole. I thought you wanted my money, But you plundered my soul.”

[nomorekindness]

The Hero Complex

Lets talk about heroes. Not real life heroes, I’m far too pessimistic to believe those exist. No lets talk about the fantasy heroes. The ones we watch in movies or TV shows, we read about in comics and books. I HATE THEM. Not them necessarily, but the way they are written. This “moral compass” they have is infuriating. 

Let’s talk MCU, in particular SHEILD. First of all just in case someone randomly finds this blog and reads it (HAHAHA) Spoilers. 

So this newest season of SHIELD YoYo recently slit bad girl Ruby’s throat after she took some gravitonium and was all evil and wanting to be called the “Destroyer of Worlds”. And Miss up her own ass Daisy Johnson (can we all admit how stupid her name is and call her Skye again?) is being such a judgemental bitch about it. Oh my god and Mac... you know the guy who has the shotgun with an ax built on to it... yeah he’s all “thats not what we do here”. Right he just needed some extra protection while he was chopping down a tree, you know in case of wolves. 

Lets just not. FIRST OF ALL the SHIELD team just recently got back from the future where someone called the Destroyer of Worlds (they thought it was Daisy) literally destroyed the world. This world. And the few remaining humans were all enslaved by an alien race. Sounds like fun right? Oh wait no, no it does not. While in the future YoYo meets her future self, who has been locked up for who knows how long, who has lived through her own death more times then she's willing to talk about and oh yeah who is also missing both her arms.  So when the team gets back to present time, they are all over this whole NOT destroying the world thing and they start trying to prevent it. Well here comes Ruby. A girl raised inside a secret Hydra facility who apparently has access to YouTube because her makeup is way too Kardashian for her to have picked that up in her bunker bedroom. She was basically bred to become this Destroyer of Worlds chick and she's all bad ass or whatever. Personally I think she's just an annoying little brat that needs some serious therapy. 

Well Ruby is a real bitch and like day one CHOPS BOTH OF YOYO’S ARMS OFF. So pretty much right off the bat YoYo is like “shit future me was right we all gonna die”. Cut to later when Ruby gets some gravitonium in her and she's definitely moving towards the end goal of destroying the world... so YoYo comes in and is having none of it and straight up cuts the bitches throat. BOOM YES GO YOYO!! Except wait... nope everyone is all fuckered up about it because Miss Up Her Ass is like “I was bringing her down, I was going to save her” sorry stupid fuck says what? Lets take some inventory here. Future world GONE because the Destroyer of Worlds rips it apart, killing MILLIONS. Present time said destroyer is a self involved bratty teenager that cuts off another persons arms without even a thought, then spends the next couple weeks plotting the death of MILLIONS and you think you were going to talk her down?

Oh and lets back up here. WHY IS IT THAT ALL HEROES ARE AGAINST KILLING THE BIG BAD GUYS BUT HAVE NO PROBLEM MAIMING AND KILLING ALL THE BAD GUYS LACKEYS? Honestly! Am I the only one here wondering WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? I mean lets be honest the lackeys probably don’t even really know what they are doing there. They needed a job and yeah maybe they might want to rethink their life choices but they deserve the right to be given a chance too, and yet here comes said hero pummeling through all the lackeys only to get to the big bad and be like “hey dude, its cool I know you are just hungry. Here have a snickers and stop trying to kill everyone and then we can all be friends” 

I seriously want YoYo to just look at Daisy and be like “you realize you have probably killed dozens of bad guy lackeys right? Or at least maimed them to a point that they will never live a normal life again, where medical bills will cripple their families until they break” (cause you know thats better). But cool at least the big bad, the one that was actually calling the shots and made all the plans, at least they get a chance. 

COME ON WRITERS! Are you honestly telling me that if Daisy and Mac were sitting in a room with Hitler and they had a gun they wouldn't take the shot. Are you telling me they would just try to talk him into becoming a good person. “Adolf man, whats up? Why are you killing all these people? I know its been a rough life and maybe you just need someone to believe in you, someone to give you a chance. Here we are (insert big hug here)” Then pardon him for millions of deaths and make him a part of the team! One big happy family!

NOPE! They would grab that gun, shoot him right between the eyes and sleep like little angelic benadryl filled babies!  And yeah sure, some bad guys can be made into good guys. Scarlet Witch for example. She was pretty pissed at Stark, blamed him for her parents deaths and making her and Quicksilver scared for a few days. I mean clearly misplaced anger, but did she straight up murder people? Like did she just go around taking people out for funsies and then plotting to destroy the whole world? Yes there are redeemable baddies, but there are also some that you just kill. You don’t try to understand them or reason with them, you kill them and move on. 

I wonder if the Avengers plan on having a nice sit down with Thanos (I mean the ones that are left anyway) “Hey Thanos, I know your planet was destroyed, all your people suffered, all because you guys were kinda selfish and they didn't listen. But look we are not your people. We have the capacity to change. Look at us with our hybrid cars and composting. We got this man, give us a chance.” 

“Steve (cause inevitably it would be Cap that would chat with Thanos) you're right. I never thought about it like that. Ok Im cool, I’ll chill”

“Thanks buddy, now why don’t you go ahead and bring all our other friends back so we can have a super cool slumber party”

“Oh yeah no I cant, my bad, that shit was permanent. Not even going back in time can fix that”

“Well shucks, at least we tried. Shawarma?”

End Credit. THANOS WILL RETURN IN AVENGERS 5 - THE NEW GUY