#i miss him so much and yet i cannot understand why he chose that

[were-having-different-days]

thank you wbn pod (and specifically brennan & aabrias portrayal of suvi coming to terms with her role in the citadel & its effects on the world) for helping me process my emotions re: my ex who i thought was the love of my life until he joined the us navy

[cherryblossompink303]

Patience *BONUS CHAPTER*: ~The last night in the beach house!~

➼ pairing: Kyoya Ootori x Reader ➼ summary: You and Kyoya have to spend one more night at the beach house....alone. ➼ what to expect:  "It's fine, you don't have to acknowledge it, I don't even need to if you don't want me to, but thank you anyway" ➼ warnings: None

The beach house is quiet this morning, the rest of the house club had returned home the previous night. For reasons you didn't quite understand Kyoya had to stay there another night, meaning you also had to stay there.

As much as you bizarrely enjoyed your time with the host club you had to admit the tranquility of the almost empty beach house was something you enjoyed, taking in the sights from one of the bay windows.

It was a far cry from your home on the other side of the world. Although it has been so long since you've been there it feels almost fictional to you.

"Taking in the sights?" Kyoya nearly scared you out of your skin, deadly quiet as he snuck up behind you "Your family certainly chose a good spot" he hummed in agreement "What can I say? Good taste runs in the family" You laugh through a hum, leaning against the wall. "I was just coming to ask what food you want to order in? I've decided to give the kitchen staff the night off since it is just the two of us here"

"That is very...kind of you, Kyoya" You smile, that is not a move you had expected Kyoya to take, he would never admit it but Tamaki has been rubbing off on him. When you think over the question an idea sneaks into your mind "Forget ordering food though."

He raises an eyebrow "Huh?" you nod over your shoulder for him to follow you, walking down the hallway toward the kitchen "You still want to learn about my home country?" Kyoya, who catches up with you, a smile taking over him as he realised what you were getting at.

The door to the kitchen swings open with a squeak. "You're going to cook?" Kyoya questions as you search through the kitchen "no" You laugh, taking ingredients from the pantry. "WE are going to cook"

Kyoya could laugh, he cannot name a time that he has ever actually cooked, he has never needed to. You catch on to his thought process just from the look on his face "Kyoya just because we are rich does not mean we aren't above cooking for ourselves, it can be fun"

Kyoya shakes his head, leaning against the counter. "I cannot see why, it is just a necessary process to feed yourself, I don't see why one would do it if they do not need to" you roll your eyes "You say that because you've never tried it, trust me, it'll be easy"

Kyoya picks himself up, "Fine" he huffed, you hand him a knife "You can chop the panchetta" you had to admit that there was something quite entertaining to you about bossing Kyoya around, knowing it is a rare occasion.

"Do you miss home often?" You pause at the question, not looking up from the hob. "I...yes...well, I miss the country, my town" you reply, placing the pasta in the pot. "I must admit that while I have enjoyed my time here Japan has yet to feel like home to me"

Kyoya nodded knowingly, moving to ouran had been a big change for you, and a rough transition. In a strange way being a part of the host club helped with that. Yet lately it has felt different, slightly more comfortable. Things were changing.

"Are you going back for the summer break?" Noticing that he had finished chopping the panchetta you take it from him to fry "No, I'm going to Karuizawa instead, here" You crack an egg into a bowl in front of him, showing him the rest "Karuizawa? Why go there?"

"I...have something I need to do there" you smile, taking the bowl. "Anyway, we need to mix in the cheese" kyoya squinted at you while you made the sauce. "Would you mind draining the pasta?" You look over your shoulder at him, distracted by mixing.

Kyoya looked slightly clueless as he clumsily figured out exactly what to do. Eventually you manage to pull together two dishes for the both of you, sat up on the counter as you eat. "I...I don't think I ever said thank you by the way" He raises an eyebrow, eyes lighting up as he tastes the dish "What for?"

"You know what for, I had a conversation with your father today" his face fell into one of horror "your 'duty of care' is to keep me from being physically harmed, nothing else. which means that everything else..."

"y/n." His voice was somehow weak and stern at the same time, cutting you off but the message had already gotten across, it was too late. "It's fine, you don't have to acknowledge it, I don't even need to if you don't want me to, but thank you anyway"

"You're...welcome" he cleared his throat, you giggle at his mildly flustered state. at it was then that you realised exactly what was happening here. This was a hang out, you two were hanging out. When did that happen? Since when was that a thing that the two of you do?

Things were changing. Things ARE changing. You two are no longer two colleagues who sit at the the same table for coffee anymore, only talking if it is for business. It was a strange notion, a strange feeling, but you didn't hate it.

Next time on patience 'A day in the life of the L/N family!'

Tag list (reply to be added): @skottch @cgmajor @rebirthbunbun @bbybubbles @blueberry19000 @katgirl05 @smellslikelovinglies @veras-fanfic-reblogs @sadprimrose @mirtalikesdr @sleeplesssskeleton @ritzes28 @crackpeole @rory-cakes @renjunniex @II-kita-san-II @angelicwillows @missbrebre1012 @sleep-7372

[two-corpses-in-the-burial-mounds]

Rewatched ep. 2 of the Untamed again specifically bc I missed that scene where LWJ pinpointed his crush immediately when he heard that awful rendition of his love song from the terrible handmade-in-10-seconds flute. You know, the first scene in the show where LWJ looked so happy :)

Look at how happy he is :D

Anyways, my point is, I rewatched that episode. And man, I felt so bad for Jiang Cheng. I understand why WWX and LWJ chose to hide WWX's identity from JC, but it's still a tiny smidge mean if you think about it.

Imagine you're JC, you rushed around the mountain to find your nephew bc god forbids your precious nephew gets hurt. You heard the commotion and arrived at the scene behind everyone. Your underlings? other clan people? told you that Wen Ning - the guy notoriously known for tagging along and only listen to your dead brother, whom you had an extremely complicated relationship with - just appeared. You got extremely happy and hopeful at first bc if your brother's sidekick whom your brother abandoned you for was around and kicking then maybe your brother is also still kicking and close by. But then just as quick as the happiness, your rage took over bc therapy doesn't exist yet last you saw him, you were very mad at your brother, and damn would death does nothing to resolve that rage. So you looked at the weird guy that supposedly summoned Wen Ning, who was wearing that damn familiar red and black goth girl outfit, and clinging to that damn Hanguang-jun whom you've been beefing with for the last 16 years also bc of said brother wow isn't that a familiar sight. So all of these factors combined, you're 80% sure that that's your brother, you insisted so but he kept denying and you got so mad bc why was he keep denying it you're so hopeful that your brother is still alive, you're so mad at him bc of the circumstances around his departure from you and your clan 16 years ago and the circumstance around your sister's death. You're so mad bc he broke his promise to you. Why won't your brother come back to you if he's alive?? So you argued and raged and fought with LWJ bc LWJ was getting in the middle of you two again. You fought and noticed the weird guy trying to get away so you hit him with your whip, both to stop him and confirm that he's possessed by your brother's spirit. Except nothing happened and there's no evidence of possession. You were in extreme disbelief and heartbreak bc you were so sure, so so sure that was your brother and now it's just seem like another one of your paranoia episode. You had so much hope that you found him again, you thought you found him. But evidence said it's not him. Everyone said it's not him. Everyone was saying you're crazy, that you killed your brother already but you didn't, that couldn't be him. So while you were having a mental breakdown, LWJ whisked the guy away to Gusu.

You got sad, and mad, and grumpy, and disappointed, and heartbroken for the next few days until you found and captured the weird guy again and would you look at that, it IS your bitch-ass brother who've been playing house with Hanguang-jun this entire time.

Rip to Jiang Cheng, you stared at your whip and be like, why did you fail me so

-How JC looked at WWX during that scene. You cannot tell me there's only hatred in these eyes.

Damn I'm not sure if you're my brother but the ability to make me mad is on point - Jiang Cheng probably

[mossy123302]

I am not exactly entirely good with character or relationship analysis (A reason why my dumb fox head is aroace because I am not good w/ navigating romantic relationships)

So this is just my best effort writing the dynamic Q! Philza and Q! Missa have.

I do like to headcanon, like others, that Philza is indeed aroace, but not in a way, that like he doesn't understand what platonic or romantic means. Sure, it's funny to tease Philza about it, but it's also true that close friends could very much do so. I think Philza is quite aware of what is romantic and platonic, he knows the boundaries of it. I mean Philza is literally married to the Goddess of Death (implied) Kristin. It's more or less that Philza doesn't simply care for such labels. (I very much hc that Philza could probably be genderfluid, like me- Peeposmile)

It's something Philza even mentioned in the live stream when talking about the deities in hardcore world. It's something they don't care about and just vibe with whatever they're vibing with. They don't care and I think Philza is the same in that mindset. He just doesn't care, and will be blunt about it, if he needs to actually talk about it.

Philza seems to deeply cherish those that are ... similar to himself from what I can tell. I don't fully watch Fit or other POV to get a clear understanding of Phil's relationship w/ others so I'm sorry if I don't include them, same with Technoblade. I've recently started watching mcyt again and I don't want to talk about something I don't have a full understanding of.

Anyways, Phil deeply connects with those that share similar traits to him in some regard. Techno whose the Blood God, who clearly has an understanding of death, war and loyalty and this clearly shows via Missa too. Missa, while not a fighter, does understand death and how important it is... He literally is a gentle grim reaper. He understands death much clearly, because his mother is also a Goddess tied to Death as well. Missa is also fiercely loyal to Phil and his children, because honestly, he was so busy! He didn't have to return to Quesadilla Island but he did because he cares about Phil and his children, quickly adopted Tallulah and he hadn't even seen her yet.

Whoever Phil trusted and guards with his life, Missa will guard that person with his life as well. Of course, unless, we talk about BadboyHalo then that's another discussion LOL. Such a mess between the demon (?) and grim reaper.

Anyways, we know how much Phil values such loyalty that, I cannot remember what Tubbo said, but he immediately locked Tubbo out of his own home because of what he said about someone and while despite implied flings with others. Philza never spoke about others the way he speaks about Missa.

Their relationship definitely...crosses the line of platonic and romantic. I can see why it would be considered queer platonic relationship, but also at the same time, it's like there is some line being breached which makes everyone raise an eyebrow cause sir, what do you mean platonic-

Philza is clearly...possessive over Missa, because the way he got so defensive when Bagi mentions Antoine (right?) and Missa should date. Philza didn't have to get so defensive, because Missa already immediately denied. Philza could have kissed anyone else, like Fit, but chose Missa instead. He even demanded Tall Missa to the admins, got jealous over any shipping fanart and acts like he's fine and doesn't miss Missa at all. *Coughs in* "I'm going to f*cking off myself. Did Missa log on again?!" (Side eye Philza)

Like he's done lots of things that makes everyone just raise an eyebrow- Philza is fooling no one but himself (& Missa)

I also enjoy the lore Missa has going on with accepting that he is indeed a part of the family and isn't alone. Missa had just lost Spreen, and suddenly, he had no one but the Angel of Death as his assigned partner. Missa must have felt so unmatched compared to Philza because what could he even offer to the family? He had nothing but his music and kind words, which is everyone that Death Family wanted. Missa brought a different change to the family that makes them be vulnerable, to not be so serious all the time and to actually just relax and be like a family that's just on vacation.

I mean, and just talking about loyalty and kindness. Missa never gave up... He fought his way back, despite getting taken away by wolves and suddenly Badboyhalo being so cruel. He always made sure his family was safe and always brought something for them.

Didn't Missa say he got lost because he tried to find a gift for Philza?! Like...the commitment to find a perfect gift for Philza, and still returning (sure, without the gift). While it's hilarious, Missa doesn't run away because of his wet cat behavior. He runs away because he doesn't want to put his family in danger, he cannot fight as well as others can. He relies on others to fight for him and then he jumps in to help, but because the time zone doesn't allow such things. Missa is forced to run.

And Missa is good at it. He will run as far as he can, if it means his family will be safe. He isn't running away from his family, but the danger because at the end of it all, he will return back to his family, no matter how long it takes.

And Missa casually admitted to Chayanne that he needs Philza more than he realized, the same way Philza realizes he needed Missa but didn't dare admit, whether it is out of fear or something else that he couldn't voice it. But Philza clearly showed it through his actions, that he brought/dragged Missa to Rose's Sanctuary before they went to sleep forever. He didn't have to do so, but he did... indicating their bond is much deeper because Rose's Sanctuary is literally a pocket dimension that no one cannot access.

Missa has access. Now he sleeps eternally with his family...

Also their whole dynamic just being Sun/Moon. Fated to never see each other at times, until an eclipse and yet...they still leave signs to let the other know that they're still remembered. This also brought to my attention how Missa is afraid of the sky, while Philza yearns for the sky/to fly.

You think The Sun (Philza) misses the Moon (Missa) so much, because of how far they are, instead of just not seeing each other. The Moon clings to Earth, because they're afraid to go beyond...to something unknown while the Sun cannot stay still, and yearns to burn and be free.

Deathduo/Pissa has me on chokehold.

I do hope this was an interesting analysis, I'm not very good at this..honestly it's probably just me rambling if anything.

[starkraivennemad]

Rise and Fall

“When did you first know you were falling for me?” Greg broke the comfortable silence during dinner one evening.

“I did not notice I was falling and cannot calculate the exact trajectory.” Mycroft quirked a brow at the unexpected question.

Greg stifled his smile at the very Mycroftian response.

“Truth be told, Gregory, I have never been one for the phrase falling in love.”

“How so?” Greg sat back curious for the response.

“People say they fall in love. But what is the definition of fall? To come or go down quickly from a high place, to let yourself come or go down to a lower position, to become less,  to lose value.” Mycroft put his fork down and sat back. “Falling is uncoordinated; a generally unconscious act. No one wants to fall.”

“That is true.” Greg gave a nod of agreement. “The body instinctively tries to reach out, to brace itself against it. Falling is not something we want to do in any other circumstance.” 

“Exactly. So why is it allowed in love?” Mycroft took a sip of water. “It’s much better to rise in it.”

“To rise?”

“Yes. Rise: to move upward, to become higher, to advance to a higher level, to become stronger,  to be or become better, to make the special effort.” Mycroft gave a slight apologetic wince realizing how he sounded and cleared his throat. “Do you remember there was a riot in Vancouver, Cananda after a sporting event - specifically the photo of the couple kissing on the ground?”

Greg nodded. “I remember, it was everywhere. There was chaos all around them, police in the near distance. Yet they were kissing.”

“Precisely. For all that was going on around them, in that moment it, was just about the two of them. It's him giving her comfort in the midst of madness, and it comforts him as well for her to accept it and return it. That was a moment of rising in love between two people who had no idea the moment was captured until it was shared across the globe.”

“I see…”

“Do you?”

“Falling in love is relatively easy…” Greg grinned at Mycroft’s immediate scoff, “I said relatively.”

“Fine…” Mycroft started to eat again. “Continue…”

“You’re say falling in love is… that easy B-. It required very little effort to pass the test. Now you have time for that Saturday Social with your C, B- and maybe even B+ friends. And if that is all that’s wanted – it’s good. But then the Honor Roll comes out and you’re secretly upset that your name is not on it because you know you could have done better. Rising in love is not being satisfied with that easy B-.”

“Rising in love is not easy. It takes work, compromise, and yes, some sacrifice.”  Mycroft expanded. “You’re willing to put in the work for it. Give up a couple, perhaps quite a few Socials. Some who call themselves friends will mock you. They may taunt you with all that they think you are missing, but you persevere. And when you do finally show up at a Social again, you do so with a hard-earned A, maybe even an A+ and your name on the Honor Roll.”

Greg reached out and grasped Mycroft’s hand, understanding there was more than a bit of the autobiographical in there.

Loving a man like Mycroft Holmes – Mycroft Holmes loving a man like him had not come easy for either.

And they would not have it any other way.

“Yes, rising in love is work, but the payoff is so worth the extra effort. But…” Greg gave Mycroft’s hand a teasing squeeze and winked, “…you didn’t exactly answer the question.”

Mycroft chuckled, returning the squeeze. “I cannot tell you when I began falling, because it’s not the falling - the travel to the destination if you will, that I noticed, but the sudden landing in realization that I arrived. However, once I got over the shock that I in fact had fallen, I can tell you exactly when I chose to rise in it…”

Mycroft surprised Greg with a date and time.

Then Greg surprised Mycroft with the place.

“How…?!”

It was one of the rare times Mycroft outwardly showed genuine surprise and Greg treasured it as he answered. “I made you laugh and somehow a peach slice from your dessert slipped from the fork to your lip and down your chin before you caught it. For the very first time I had the thought of how badly I wanted to kiss the juice of the peach from your lips. That I wanted to kiss – more than just – kiss you…” Greg blushed. “Then just before we were leaving, somebody’s kid was running in the aisle and caused the server to up end his tray. They cleaned it, but not well enough…”

“Dear god, I remember. The floor had a slick spot. I would have entirely fallen on my face if you had not caught me. Still, I nearly brought us both down, you… were so strong… You held fast and we were quickly righted. It made me realize you were strong in many other ways and the way you looked at me just then – I wanted you to look at me that way… always. I knew I wanted you.”

“I grabbed you because I wanted no harm to come to you, not even as something as simple and physically harmless as simple stumble. And the look you saw…?” Greg held Mycroft’s eyes intently to his knowingly looking at him that way, “You tripped… and that was the moment I realized I fell.”

----------------------------------

Read on AO3

@calaisreno @MayPrompts2024

#MayPrompts2024 - Prompt 4: Fall

[sleepypsyducks]

I'm working on a fic right now and slightly exploring Larry and Geeta's work relationship / friendship and honestly am having fun. So...headcanon time!

I just...I really like the idea that they have known each other for a long time and that Geeta is fully aware of Larry is capable of. She struggles, and has struggled for years, to understand how he just...changed to being normal. She has seen him at his best and finest hour and watched as he just...accepted normalcy and wears it like he has for his whole life. She watched how he traded fine trainer clothes of the highest quality for a few mid-quality suits and silk dress shirts. However, despite all of that, their dynamics never changed. People may think he's being serious about how she is as a boss and she thought so at first once his behavior changed but then she realized his humor is just...incredibly dry and flat. (She thinks she misses the sarcasm at first until it's directed at her in the blandest of tones. Then she finds she still hates it.) But she likes it because it compliments hers. She knows people are unsettled by her, that they have their views of her management skills and her person. Her blank gaze scares them, her attitude and behavior alienate her from people, and her smile is often misread. Yet she can pop into Larry's office with a grin on her face and stare at him as he tells her whatever is bothering him on his Spreadsheet of the Day.

Larry is one of the few people that Geeta can really just be herself around. She can let her stare become distant while she talks to him, can sit up a little straighter and become rigid as she discusses League business. She can let her words become a little sing song-y, let her body sway like it's floating when she tells him about her day. She can let Glimmora float around his office and Larry won't mind when she tries to bite his hair or burrow into his walls. She'll threaten to dock his pay for working overtime past acceptable overtime because she wants him to go home and not being a workaholic. (She knows that a lot of his money goes into Medali, goes to random trainers to pay for snacks and supplies, goes to Poppy's fundraisers and pays for Rika's obscene amount of magazine subscriptions. She knows that he has a frankly large amount of losses to bets against Hassel and that the money he gives Hassel goes to the Academy to help low income students. She knows that a large chunk of his money is also sent to another region of which she cannot figure out. She also knows that his money is spent on Pokémon clothes that she has never seen his team wear and also on gems and jewels that she knows for a fact sit in a jewelry box she got him when he accepted being the Medali gym leader. She knows that he's a man who cares not for anything but a good meal, so money doesn't actually mean much to him.)

She can put her socked feet on his lap while he glares at his computer, complaining that as his work wife she feels neglected. He'll dryly respond that there are divorce papers in his desk but please wait until Thursday to fill them out he has deadlines he needs to finish. He'll sigh when she hands him another file on an up and coming gym challenger yet they will spend the next several hours battling just so that Larry can take out his frustrations of having to stop his work to battle. She'll smile when she catches the way Larry smiles ever so slightly when he sees the diamond on Staraptor's head and the balloons on Flamigo's. She'll watch as he sits with Flamigo after their match and discuss what they need to do better next time while Glimmora floats over to say hello to her best friend. He'll not comment on how Flamingo was extremely close to successfully beating her team while she calls for repairs on the room.

Geeta may not understand why Larry chose to accept normalcy as his way of life, why he stopped battling with the passion he once had as a younger man, but she has slowly come to accept it, even if it's hard for her to do so. She doesn't understand how her rival, the one who brought out the best in her battles and of her, could just turn away from all of that to a life of letters and numbers. However, she is forever grateful that despite that he didn't end their friendship and alienate himself.

Larry struggles to understand Geeta's management style and why she has turned away from her worldly goals to focus just on Paldea. While he himself understands his dislike towards her at times, a fact she is well aware of and it brings her joy to know he can express his dislike, he doesn't fully understand why other leaders do as well given that she is very upfront with her expectations and goals. He doesn't understand why she insists on him using flying type for his Elite Four team when that was just the silly dream of a child. However, he is grateful that there is someone who understands him, who has sought to continue to understand him.

So yes, they don't always see eye to eye, they snark and get on each other's nerves, but they are the only two people who really understand the other.

However, Larry would really like it if Geeta would just let him work overtime. It's not harming anyone and it's less work for her to do.

[waxalas]

Hello! I love your fics. I was reading Just This Once again, and it was very bittersweet! How did you approach their dynamic in this one? I'm curious about why you removed Rem from the scenario and had Light directly killing L. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

I'm looking forward to the next We're Here Now and Somniloquy updates. Thanks for publishing your work! <3

Thank you OP for your question :)

It is time for: the Just This Once backstory.

I wrote JTO in bed, after staring at this fanart by @thanatelle, and I was trying to make sense of how Light could have killed L if they loved each other that much.

I’d been writing WHN but was burning out on it, and my mind was starting to wander. WHN is quite soft, and it has a happy endgame, so I wanted to write something else. Something tragic.

Lawlight to me is about two isolated guys finding something in each other for the first time. It can be love. It can be excitement. It can be a reason to keep going. It can be a new understanding of who you are. Who you've been. And who you might want to become.

JTO focuses on understanding. But they are so engrossed in each other, and what they think they understand... What are the things that they misunderstood along the way? Because after all the lies, does the truth morph, and become something else entirely?

I love lawlight and the instant connection it represents, the seemingly perfect understanding of each other, but if it's going to be a tragedy, there needs to be a flaw somewhere. I guess I made the flaw what they did not understand. About each other, and about themselves, because this feeling of connection is actually new for them.

I think lawlight is canonically doomed to fail because it’s new, and they are both emotionally immature. How can you expect them to really meet each other halfway without trying? Without effort? How willing are they to try?

In JTO, if they were going to kiss, I thought it meant they had to be willing to try, but if Light was still going to betray L, and if L was going to accept that, then they would only be trying for a fleeting moment, and without much conviction. In the end, they still prefer sticking to their original assumptions -- they cannot leave Kira behind.

Telling the truth is the method I chose to show them trying, but it’s not enough. They still aren't saying enough. Mostly to themselves. They are so enamored by this idea of finally seeing themselves in someone else that they fail to really see each other, and they skip over things they deem trivial, things they do not yet understand, missing what it was that they actually wanted.

I struggled a bit with the ending paragraph. Originally, it said “Like everything else, they don’t need to talk about it, and unlike anything else, this is much better.” But that’s the thing. Lawlight was never going to happen easily, by itself. It didn’t feel right, so I changed it to what it is now, and it’s the opposite: “Like everything else, they don't talk about it, and unlike anything else, for this they needed to.” That's the dynamic.

As for Rem, I removed her because it’s just not about her. It’s about lawlight. I wanted L to give his name to Light as a sign that he knew Light would kill him. It's his truth. Perhaps it was just a metaphor at first. I don’t know. But he’d always known. And it was part of what doomed them. Rem was also a piece in the games, and JTO is about breaking past that to say the truth.

[triviareads]

ARC Review of The Duke Gets Desperate by Diana Quincy

Summary:

Raya Darwish unexpectedly inherits her late cousin's castle, much to the displeasure of Anthony, the Duke of Strickland. Stick's father should have passed the castle onto him, but instead chose to leave it to his wife, who left it to Raya, an American interloper. Now Raya and Strick are forced to work together to bring the crumbling castle and the lands surrounding it back to life...

My review:

First, as a daughter of Asian immigrants, I deeply appreciated the Arab-American rep we got with Raya and her aunt. Raya was born and raised in Brooklyn and is pretty American in her attitudes (as Strick derisively points out every time she brings up ways to monetize the estate), but she also holds onto the Palestinian culture of her parents. I appreciated the references to the food she enjoyed back home, as well as her describing how her parents took care to protect their daughter's modesty, something that is culturally very important from my understanding. Raya's Auntie Majida reminded me fondly of all the aunties in my life, particularly in the way she melds her Arabic and English when speaking (Diana Quincy also wrote Majida's accent into her dialogue), as well as her attitudes towards certain, uh, *improprieties* lol.

Regarding the romance of it all, I enjoyed this variation on the enemies to lovers trope. The management and ownership of the castle and its surrounding estate is the main point of contention between Raya and Strickland— which is not so lighthearted as a petty grudge, but neither is it something super intense or horrific. And it makes sense: Of course Raya's entrepreneurial American spirit would clash with Strick's aristocratic English attitudes, but they're forced to work together anyway. Which leads to an abundance of sexual tension between them.

There's this particularly great period of time between them where there's just.... unmitigated horniness on both their parts (but of course they don't act on it minus the time he's like "show me your tits" and she's like "...yeah why not") where Strickland keeps trying to use his sexual wiles on her to persuade her to marry him, and Raya keeps inadvertently turning him on by using business lingo. He delivers what might be the most and yet the least persuasive proposal in HR history which goes something like this: "I want to fuck you so bad it hurts. I cannot wait to be inside of you. Ergo, marry me."

Luckily, Raya is a smart gal and before agreeing, she takes care to secure her legal right to the castle using an actual solicitor thanks to property right laws that have changed recently. See, this is why I like historical romances set in the Victorian era (this is set in the 1880s): there's far more potential for racially diverse characters, as well as feminist themes, even if they're subtle. Raya getting a legal agreement on paper and making Strickland sign it to protect her rights absolutely counts.

There is also a mystery aspect to the plot, though it doesn't pick up until more than halfway through the book. Raya's late cousin died under mysterious circumstances by falling off the top of the castle, and this is related to Strickland's missing artifacts (which he's passionate about excavating and collecting). In addition, there's a bunch of will-related issues which also serves to drive a wedge between the couple. Does Strickland also attempt to use sex to grovel? Absolutely. Speaking of which—

The sex:

This book has solid sex scenes, and Diana didn't skimp on the foreplay (I'd argue the foreplay was the best part). I really liked this scene where in order to "seal" their bargain, Strickland asks to see Raya's tits (like I mentioned earlier) and goes to town on them. Specifically, the wording here is that he "clawed" at her bodice and tbh I find that level of desperation very hot.

The standout sex scene is probably when he covers her in Anglo-Saxon-era gold jewelry and then proceeds to finger her while making her watch them in the mirror. That being said, the unsung hero sex-wise might be Strickland's dirty talk. Like, man has some hits including "your quim wants to be friends", "I'm going to enjoy your sweet tits every day until we're old and grey", and "I'm going to keep burying myself in you until I'm too old to move". The future-forward dirty talk really did it for me. Bravo Anthony.

Overall:

I would recommend this book to anyone and everyone, and specifically anyone looking to start their historical romance journey. This is your quintessential "enemies to lovers" historical romance complete with a smart, plucky heroine, a hero that's initially arrogant and suspicious of the heroine but falls HARD for her later on (and that's after him panting after her for a good chunk of the story), and a plot that really makes you reassess the role of the aristocracy by this time period. Like, no longer are dukes infallible beings; they have to deal with money loss, railroads buying them out, possibly opening their homes up to tourists, and so on. For me, it was this aspect of the plot, combined with the dynamic between the hero and heroine, that really sealed the deal for me.

Thank you to Avon and Harper Voyager and NetGalley for an advanced copy of this book in exchange for my review.

[carmenized-onions]

chapter 12, new chapter yeeeehawwww

THAT FUCKING PIC HOLY MOLY

not the flight pun… (i love puns but wow just wow)

THE LOCATION IS STILL ON, I REPEAT THE LOCATION IS STILL ON (he deffo didn’t forget, he purposfully chose to keep it like that i just know:’)) )

EVA DREW A PICTURE OF HER???🥹🥹🥹

ignore the Bear in the room - 💀💀💀

Something? Or, rather, explicitly, that’s nothing. - LMAO. also yay carmen didn’t give the creep her number :D

Sydney sleeps on your shoulder, for most of the plane ride - CUTIES. get me those squidinky (kissing) crumbs

“what are we?’” Answers Syd - 👀👀👀

see if he needed help with getting ready - omg that would’ve been so cute tho her helping him tie a tie or fix his bow or cufflinks or whatever

Plus, the amount you saved on splitting a one bed? - one bed for the economy tropeeeee

pinning the collar pins on her uniform - ayo? that’s kinda 👀

I think it’s peach - like the drink she made🥺

Pbb—Fuck, - LSNEKKRKE she’s adorable

“Chip, can you put these fuckin’ things on f’me?” - SO CUTEEE. BESTIESSSSSS

the dirty details? - evil to not let us know but alas it needs to make sense with where chippy’s head is at I GUESS

I’m waitin’ on my informer - chippy cringed but i aweed

“I know.” - THEYRE SUCH BESTIES SHUT UPPPP

whore-derve— - the way i stopped mid-tea-sip

You angle your body from Richie to her, deadpanning. “Just because you went to the fuckin’ FBI or whatever the fuck—” - LMAOOO the chip and richie tag team we love to see it

Carmen did your prep entirely himself. - i’m gonna fucking sob???? YOU CANT JUST DROP THIS ON ME I-

So no one else could’ve left the simple braised beef sandwich on your station. […] Your order at The Beef. - HE IS THE CUTEST EVER. did he actually do something wrong? i seem to have forgotten -

He nods, like he understands, walking away - me even when i haven’t gotten a fucking clue about what they actually wanted me to do

“Insane thing to say about your five-year-old.” - indeed it is. though hilarious. this chapter is lighter, more banter, which is nice

Yeah. They had lavender and maple syrup behind the bar. - SHUT UPPPPP I LOVE THEM I MISS THEM SOMMUCH THEYRE EVERYTHING TO ME GGFFHHHHFHFHD

“Aye aye, Chippy.” - so cute. chippy could be a pirate name

Still failed Mikey, no matter how hard you tried. - stop it 🗞️💥

this chapter is making me really miss being on bar

You really need to start telling people you don’t know how to make bellinis. - Chippy let me get on bar with you, i’ll make all the bellinis for you (even tho i hate opening champagne bottles)

“Tiny quiche?”- richie i love you i love you i love you

“Don’t ask. Tell.” - nice

‘couldn’t stop him lmk if it’s bad’ - IS CARMY COMING :33333

“You need a barback?” - *see attached pic* he’s EVERYTHING. words cannot begin to express how much i love him. why is he not real i will midsommar myself

like accidentally used half the bottle levels like you. - HES SO CUTE C’MON

You’ll probably miss him for the rest of your life. - clutching my chest

But you know Carmen does it for you. Lights up a room for you - STOP CHOPPING ONIONS (no pun intended)

With haste, Carmen puts the palm of his hand over your mouth - fuck me fuck me fuck me

Oh, he missed being this close to you. - 🥺🥺🥺

You shove it towards him - i’ve missed them so much. also now i want a tiny quiche

what you’d want to do for your own. - with camen😁

ice will shock your nervous system. - ICE CHIPS BABYYYY

“I owe you an apology—” - LMAOOOO HE THOUGHT-

Fak does. - oh god this will be something

“but y’know, I can handle myself, Carmen.” - oh my lord is he gonna apologize for the fixing oven thing 💀💀

“Oh, come on, you haven’t shown up at The Bear since last Friday—” - oh he thinks- ,,, onion this is glorious

the way time literally stopped, when you left. When he made you leave.- YOURE SUCH A TALENTED WRITER FUCK OFF

And obviously Carmen could tell, so he stopped calling you. Trying to be a true bro - IQBDIEHEIHEIEISJSKAKAJSHDUSJJSJS

“Between us.” What. - oh fak oh nononononono. i wonder that carmen will think about this😁

“Fuckin’ cool it, Fak.” Carmen barks, in tandem with you. - i love her guard dog :3

“…Was that anything—” - CARMEN HOW DUMB ARE YOU

“Yeah. Hi, Uncle Lee.” - OH FUCK THIS DUDE (uncle lee that is)

Pulling the drink away from his hand - LMAO as she should😌😌

“Ah… I see, friend, ya did a little—” He taps the side of his nose, sniffing. - i would’ve (mentally) fucking jumped over the bar counter and had his ass

junkie hands - GET HIS ASS CHIPPY

There’s a pile of forks behind your bar, that you’d asked Richie for, just in case this situation came to a head - LMFAO NOT THE FORKS

Carmen’s the only one that flinches, immediately rearing his own fist back - AYO WOULD HE FIGHT FOR HER?

“Yessir.” - she’s so funny, i love her

If I see you outside, I’m taking you to the fucking pavement, and I’m not getting off. - i love her so much, i want to kiss her

“You’re a real fuckin’ bi—” A fork flies over his shoulder, clattering behind him. Not from you, from Carmen. - BABYBOYYYYY I LOVEEEEEEEE YOUUUUUUUUUU

“Alright, Donna.” - PAVEMENT, NOW

“Black lavender latte. Cognac n’ coffee liqueur. If it’s too strong, let me know, I can add more milk.” - i’m crying again, i love them so muchh

You’re overjoyed at the verbal confirmation he drank it. - the way they mirror each other owns my entire being and i will not accept anyone else for him in any season of The Bear ever

“Needed yours.” - Baueidnrirjejejdudhshd !!!!!!!!! i know i’m forgiving him way too easily but hello!! when he acts like this how can i not fold

i had to stop the chapter here bc chores and oh my god???? i will think about this until i can read it again

caught; but then he looks at your face, and he knows he has nothing to be worried about. - the way she makes people feel safe IS JUST SO 🥹🥹🥹 there are tears of softness in my eyes

You defend everyone but you. - REAL. which is why carmen going off on her was so much sadder because he just confirmed all her worst thoughts about herself

and he knows it’ll be too much, for him or you - this is so interesting because i really can’t tell wether she struggled with addiction herself or if it’s just from supporting mikey

“None of my business.” He sniffs, awkwardly. “Unless you want it to be.” - THEY’RE SO SIMILAR

“No.” The reply is instant. - :’)))))))))

This is when he looks embarrassed, just slightly. - OH?👀👀👀

‘Who said?’ - Squid is so funny

It’s a built-in habit for you, to hand your fork to Carmen. - them sharing cutlery will always be one of the cutest things ever

“Just wanted to make sure you got dessert, over here.” Just wanted to make sure you ate something. - THEY’RE ALL SO CUTE AND CARING STOP MY HEART

Carmen shrugs, smiling, “Are you tryna get fucked up at work, Chef?” - they’re all so cute with each other, it makes me feel so warm and fuzzy

If things were normal you could just eat off each other's plates. - i miss that time. gotta do a re-read for sure

“Ey, sorry everyone, we’re just gonna take a quick thirty, alright? Union mandated.” - HE IS SUCH A SWEETHEART CMON

“I’d ride for you.” - i’d do anything for them

“I lo— I like you, so much - HOLD UP- HOW ARE WE JUST SKIPPING PAST THIS. SHE WAS THINKING HOW LONG IT PROBABLY TAKES HIM TO SAY THE L-WORD AND IT WAS ABOUT TO SLIP OUT OF HIM AFTER KNOWING HER A FEW WEEKS LIKE CMON NOW SOULMATES

Carmen does not wish to be anywhere else.  - them, just THEM

“You don’t owe me shit.” “I’m paying back a Berzatto, somehow.” - somehow they’re both me

“I was in his work cabinet, I think Richie was in his bedside, you and Sug were in his wallet.” - THATS SO🥺🥺🥺

You let him go, though you don’t particularly want to. - they’re both just so <3

You jump, your head hits the bottom of the base of the bar’s sink. - me constantly hurting myself on accident

“Carmy, babydoll, are you fucking insane?” - BABYDOLL

“How old do you think I am?” - LMFAOOOO the shade on mikey’s age suidhejdej

Would’ve said you’re getting sloppy seconds or call me a fuckin’ homie hopper - HOMIE HOPPER MADE IT YESSIRRRR

Need something to do with your hands. - MIRROR

Joint bank account. It was partially your money, technically. - THE MONEY SHE OWES. WOW WE’RE LEARNING EVERYTHING IN THIS CHAPTER

“Since when does Richie give a fuck about personal?” - real but i’m proud of him

“Sobriety chip.” - WE BEEN SAYING. okay yes i’ve said a lot of other shit but!!

attachment*

ALRIGHT MY POPCORN LET'S FUCKIN POP IN LETS GO THIS TOOK ME SO LONG TO GET TO THANK YOU FOR BEING PATIENT AS ALWAYS

We're doing list format let's fuckin GO

I love hunting for screencaps, this one I felt like would be a little clickbaity because he's on the phone and these mother fuckers. do not call each other. BUT THE VIBE? LIKE THE VIBE? IT'S THERE

THE LOCATIONNNN!!! We may never know. Well we'll probably eventually know. It might not ever be brought up in canon because I may well forget but if you ask I'll tell.

EVA DREW A PICTURE OF HER!! We will eventually get into their dynamic but I think Chip just gives major cool gay aunt vibes. Her aura.

SO MUCH SQUIDINK IN THIS CHAPTER. The SHOULDER. the WHAT ARE WE. the GAY DEODORANT.

funny thing about cufflinks,,,, Truly though while writing I was like awe man :(( they could've had a cute moment if they weren't fighting. Carm/Tony honestly might've ended up being the ones splitting the one bed for the economy if they weren't fighting. SON OF A BITCH!!! At least in lieu of them we just got A Lot Of Squid time

THE DIRTY DETAILS AND THAT WHOLE ROADTRIP WENT UNTALKED ABOUT BECAUSE I HONESTLY DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT YET LMAOOOO. I was like listen I know the rough gist I will figure it out later. And thank god I did because I did end up making a couple pivots from what I had originally planned. you will see.

Chip and Richie dogging on someone-- Anyone-- Together, always makes me the most happy. Like the Ratatouille moment from Zero Pulse and the CIA moment from Something to Do,,, I just love to see these bitches YAP at people like small dogs.

I love seeing and being able to tell exactly who's worked in service because everyone that has has IMMEDIATELY fucking folded upon reading Carmen did the sidework and made food.

I don't think anyone expected this chapter to be as light as it is-- Or at least as light as it starts. I think that's just the way of the Chip really, she brings ease even to the reader,,,,, ahhh my heart... my baby...

When I first made the lavender coffee in chap 2 I really didn't realize I was gonna keep fucking bringing it up. and now it's all I yap about. Carmen just gives a lavender coffee vibe yknow?

THIS CHAPTER MAKES YOU MISS BEING ON BAR??!?!?!?! You know what i get it, over an office job, there's something about the franticness that does feel like. cocaine.

TINY QUICHE!! I wish I was creative enough to think about more whore derves but I was really set on tiny quiches

You need a barback? - a man whos about to roll a boulder up a hill for the rest of his life and be content about it. He's also gonna smell like you the whole time, at least.

WHO IS CHOPPING ME!!!!!!!! It was wrenching to write Tony essentially already starting the grieving process of their relationship. like she very much prepared for it to be so jover in her head. hell. hell. hell.

FUCK MEDFGKJFG-- I think I did do a coin flip on whether he'd do the hand thing. Because it is funny. And also kind of hot. But he tends to just let people yell. but it's A WEDDING. And the yes or no wheel decided for me so listen if you ever think i make an out of character choice blame it on the wheel. the wheel probably did that. i've never made a wrong characterization ever in my life actually

The whole I owe you an apology-- I loved because I was basically just doing this bit over again:

Tumblr does not let you do lists starting at a higher number so we're STARTING OVER. FAK!! I think I only planned for this convo to happen when I wrote their little moment in Zero Pulse. It paid off in dividends, I'm so happy with it.

TIME STOPPEDEEDEDED-- Thank you hehehe. I wonder if we'll learn more about that moment latter,,,,,,,,,, probably nottt,,,,, hehehehehehe-- oh uncle lee's here look at that!!

SHE'D DIEEE BEFORE SHE SERVES THAT MOTHERFUCKER SHE CAME IN KNOWING SHE'D GET HIS ASS. I love my Chippy.

The amount of shock I have seen at Carmen getting ready to punch his Not Uncle has me offended on his behalf. OF COURSE HE'D FIGHT BACK COME ON!!!

I love watching these two acts of service motherfuckers try to out acts of service each other, basically. sex is gonna be insane what? i didn't say anything. talk about mirroring each other WHAT?

ah, the whole scene with the unnamed man, muah. i kiss them both. my two darlings. it made Just Dropped feel even worse though jesus CHRIST . (modern day saviour)

I have spent too long gigglin over every point you made so i'm going to SPEED UP STARTING NOW!! New chapter is absolutely not coming out tonight but if I get far enough in my asks, maybe early tommorow? We'll see. Anyways.

Marcus and Chip have rare moments but when they do they make me very happy. tryna get fucked up at work? It's very important to me, that Carmen fucking relaxes, in this chapter. It just makes me very happy that he lets people do their thing because he realizes they're fucking competent.

i fully went back to read old chapters when i got too sad. these motherfuckers are SO in their sad era I cannot wait to dig our way out of it like I WANNA GO HOME BITCCHEEESS ,,, CAN WE LEAVE THIS IN NEW YORK PLEASSEEE

i have yet to see anyone except you really yell at me about that almost love slip. maybe it's cause everyone thinks it's unrealistic but i do think while he's not ready to verbalize it, the trauma bond is too strong to not feel a type of way, yknow?

AS YOU SAID: THEM. This was very much my season 2 under the table scene. Loved writing this one. BABYDOLL!! BABY BOYYY

The how old do you think I am came from a very real place because when I looked up Michael's age and saw 43 i was JUST STARING LIKE WHHUUHH??? I was considering doing a little one sided crush action-- But these two have a full driver's license having TEEN BETWEEN THEM-- IT'S A NO, IT'S A NO FROM MIKEY AND ME DOG, But at least homie hopper made it!!!

So much lore dumping in one chapter-- If Carmen just waited two seconds he could've read it all in this chapter instead of having that fight smh

"WE BEEN SAYING" WHEN IN THE SAME ASK YOU SAID ICE CHIPS LDFKSFDNLS but yes, you did in fact be saying. that cannot be denied. YOU CAUGHT ME!!!

as always thank you so much for your thoughts i love u UNTIL NEXT TIME I HAVE TO GO WILL I BE BACK? probably but I really shouldn't i should really get ready for work tommorow and get a full nights sleep. but. but. answering asks,,,,, this is my hell

[tharkilm]

Awww the boys response to the first time is so sweet 🥺 can i have the same boys response to learning that their relationship with their partner, is their partner's first relationship?

Lilac: You were enjoying cuddling in bed whilst the hailing of rain trailed against the window outside when you told him this. Lilac wasn’t new to relationships, he’d tried it out once or twice, back before…

… Why him? He’s holding onto you tightly, but his mind is spiralling and yet your hand cradling the back of his skull feels so nice, and he’s… You could have had anyone you want, and yet you’re determined in your scolding when you tell him to stop talking about himself like that. You chose him because you love him, and him only. He finds that hard to believe, but… He’ll try.

He loves you, after all.

Orion: He’s ecstatic. You’ve never been with anyone else than him before? In a way, that’s almost a little sad, seeing as he’s not the best guy out there, but he’d be damned if he let you go now. No one else has seen you like this before, this… this sweetness that you only reserve for him. He’s intent on never letting anyone come this near you now.

There is a chance of him displaying jealous signs after learning about this, though. With him being the first, he realises that there is a chance that you might notice that you can do better, and so, he becomes afraid and territorial of those who show signs of interest in you. This won’t become too much of a problem, for as long as you remind – and show him – how much you love him.

Grim: Really? He’s your first? Well, aren’t you just the luckiest person in the world, catching the love and affection of the grim reaper himself, and at your first try too! Jokes aside, Grim finds this information incredibly fascinating, and to some extent, assuring. There is no one for you to miss, to compare him against should you feel nostalgic on lonely nights. He cannot always be there for you, being that his work is quite demanding, but it calms him to know that he doesn’t have to compete against past lovers.

The hidden obsession, the jealousy, and the need to possess you; become more hidden still. After all, all he must do now is to keep an eye out on pesky humans and monsters who might dare their luck in winning your affection whenever he’s not nearby (he’s never fully gone. He’s a God, he can see all, if he wishes it), and once he returns to your warm arms, he’ll shower you with his love, and perhaps act a little silly to make you laugh, too. He revels in hearing your laughter.

Charm: Oh, sugar, he feels so honoured, being the very first to give you a taste of an intimate relationship? Why, he’s feeling a little shy just now! Truly, he hopes and wishes that you two will remain forever; he loves you so dearly, after all. And with him being your first, he’ll make sure that you truly understand and feel what a deep and connected relationship really is. Sure, he’s influenced by the lust serum and are always in heat, but that doesn’t mean he cannot be a hopeless romantic if he wants to; plus, he’s not going to brag, but he’s pretty good at both talking and listening about deep topics.

A part of him is worried about messing up, but you’d probably notice that fairly quickly, and you two will have a long evening – turning night – where you talk about it all. It makes him feel better, and he’ll reward you for sitting and listening to him for so long with a bombardment of kisses. He wants to cuddle until you both fall asleep now.

[theood]

No one prompted this but I wanted to talk MORE about my fl oc, Larkin Colt. So, I'm using @ahoy-hoyy's questions! Under a cut because I'm answering all of them on my own ^_^.

🦇 What is your OC’s Ambition, and have they achieved it?

Larkin's ambition was Light Fingers. He has achieved it, at a great cost. Larkin has a False Star of his very own, but he misses his child. He didn't want a child, but, in the midst of Parabola, when the child was still a babe, Larkin held him, and the attachment was quick.

Sometimes, Larkin just cries. He thinks how he could have done better. For the child, for his crew, for Clarabelle.

He still feels responsible. For everything bad that took place. Larkin doesn't like to talk about it, but... the orphanage and what he did still clings to him.

If he could though... oh. He would let out his anger onto Mr. Fires. That damn bat started it. It was his fault. And Poor Edward? Larkin cannot hear the name without snapping.

🗻Was your character born in the Neath; if so, how old are they? If not, why did they go there and how long have they been there?

Larkin was not born in the Neath! He was born on the surface, away from London entirely. He came to the Neath when he was hearing tantalizing rumors of a heist to end all heists. Something that would have him set for life, he just had to look into it.

Now, he's been in the Neath for at least 5 years. And my, what a wild time it's been. Still so new to the Neath if you ask some and yet... he feels as though he's been there longer.

(While I view Larkin as being in the Neath longer, I have been playing for 3 years! His character however easily fit into a role of someone who'd been in the Neath longer!)

📷 Share a picrew of your choice featuring your OC’s design! Actually, here's older art I drew of Larkin!

His design hasn't changed much. I always wanted him to have darker clothing. Red with golden accents. His outfit is supposed to be a black dress shirt (sleeves rolled up), red vest, slacks and or dress pants, a brass ring on his left hand, and a few various pins to symbolise various things. (At the time it was merely a bee pin).

I'd like to redo his outfit now, to incorporate more devil motifs as it's important to his character. This is afterall an older drawing. His cosmogone glasses aren't even here!

⚓️ Which faction is your OC closest to?

If it isn't already obvious from the bee pin, and the colors he wears, and the scar on his wrist, Larkin is closest to The Devils. This wasn't a hard decision from Larkin. Ever since he first came to the Neath, as a young man he found himself drawn to the Devils and their charms.

While many in London speak ill, or warn those of the Devils, Larkin either didn't hear or chose not too.

Larkin pledged his alliance very quickly. His closeness with the Devils has made more than one Londoner uncomfortable around him. Larkin does not take it personally. The Devils now have started to welcome him with smiles.

♟️ Is there a faction they are totally at odds with?

While many can say Londoners do not care for them, Larkin constantly finds himself sneering at The Constables, has a personal distaste for The Church, and Society depsite seeming to do well enough around them.

• The Constables: Larkin isn't one to follow the law. And since coming to the Neath he's only gotten better at criminal activities.

Larkin does not favor the Constables or their reign. Given the chance, he will lead them on wild chases that lead nowhere, or hinder them.

🗡️ What is their profession? Are they satisfied with it?

• The Church: When one is close to Hell, to Devils, of course he isn't going to be attending church on Sundays.

Personally, Larkin cannot entirely understand how religion continues on in the Neath. And while he can hold his tongue, he will not hesitate to voice his own opinions.

• Society: This is more personal, a learned dislike. Some of higher society like Larkin, but it depends on how they personally feel towards devils, or the matters of Hell.

🌹 Are they currently courting anyone? Or trying to?

Larkin is a glassman Silverer. Addressed ad such and everything.

Larkin is... the Parabola holds both good and bad. With a few days of talk from his devilish friends, Larkin become one for them. He's gathering what he can on The Fingerkings to aid the Devils.

And, it pays fine. The travels through mirriors almost came natural, and it feels like he was meant too but it doesn't mean Larkin enjoys it.

At times, the Parabola seems to drag him further into it, and he loses time.

He wouldn't change professions though. No matter what.

Also, worth mentioning, he is trained to be a Spirifer. He handles souls well, but never for his own personal gain. Always traded back to a devil.

No. Larkin, despite being in London for a while has not courted anyone. At a time though, there was a devil. If you get close enough, he may just let slip he still loves that devil.

🦑 Are they human?

Yes! Larkin is human. As human as someone who's become soulless can be.

☀️ If given the choice to return to the surface, would they?

🥼 Does your OC have a favorite in-game clothing item?

Oh, how Larkin longs to feel the warmth of the sun. To see the real stars, to feel grass, breath air that doesn't feel weighted.

But he cannot. Unless someone could offer him the thing he cannot afford. Larkin has died too many times in the city. He cannot ever return home.

And... even if he could. How could he leave his child? He would need someone to tell him it is okay.

Yes! His brass ring. He wears it always. To show his allegiance to the devils.

🌊 Have they been to Zee with their own ship?

🔥 Which menace causes the most problems for them? Which menace causes the least amount of problems for them?

Many times! Larkin, though he may not seem the type actually owns a Majestic Pleasure Yacht!

Larkin is not a captain though. And while he does fine at Zee, he doesn't feel at ease.

🎩 What clubs are your OC associated with?

Larkin is often plagued by Nightmares, and Scandal.

The nightmares are a natural occurrence for Londoners, but Larkin tends to wear himself thin, and often finds himself dreaming more frequently. He also just seems to find nightmareish things.

As for Scandal, well, *gestures*. He is a criminal, and not all too happy to confirm to society.

Depsite the criminal background, Larkin doesn't garner much Suspicion! Perhaps it's because he's better at thievery, and being unseen, or it's the connections but he often doesn't need to hide away.

At the moment, it's the Dilmun club. Larkin isn't much into clubs.

🛤️ Which one are you focusing on developing more than the other/s?

Larkin, as evident by all these answers. I do have another oc. Two, actually. Icarus Swallowfern, a not-so-human seeker, and Mr. Devilbone. A Master Of The Bazaar who deals in Souls and other infernal goods. Runs a shop frequented by devils and often those who come trying to learn more than they should really know.

🎟️ Have they written anything for the Shuttered Palace’s court?

Oh absolutely not. Larkin does not have the time or patience! He has much better things to do. And ugh, being kicked out was so not worth the hassle to get back in. Why bother?

🍏 Free Space: Ask Any Question

I'm going to use this to talk about Larkin's attachment to the city, and how he proceeds around London.

Larkin never meant to grow attached to tge city. But between thr Devils, and his ambition and many other things he has.

He never meant to stay, either. He was supposed to steal this diamond. But a month turned into 3, into a year into... death. Again and again. And his soul, and Clarabelle. Oh god, Clarabelle. His false child.

Larkin is tied to the city. For better or for worse. And oftentimes, Larkin feels incredibly alone. He fears for the future he most certainly doesn't have. The devils like him but... he isn't entirely stupid. More often he is used as a vessel for information, not viewed as a friend. Larkin cannot count true friends on two hands.

This brings me to his relationship with Mr. Fires. Larkin cares little about The Masters of The Bazaar, or what they do. He is not above stealing from the Bazaar or working to be an annoyance at best to them.

However, Mr. Fires? See, Mr. Fires claims to love the city. For that reason you'd think Larkin would take interest in Fires. But, he can't connect.

Larkin holds a grudge. A long standing one, for Fires involvement with his child. Larkin wnats to see Fires as something to look to for hope? safety? He doesn't know what, but Fires cannot provide it.

And because Larkin doesn't forgive, and because of Poor Edward, Larkin would rather kill Fires, than to negotiate. Let Mr. Fires feel his pain, the suffering he shouldered.

Larkin teeters often. Logically, Fires is not the only thing keeping the city alive. But Larkin knows unlike others, Fires doesn't want another city.

In the end, Larkin can only hope that maybe someone will remember him, when his time comes. Or that maybe, maybe, the Devils weren't lying and he does have a place with them, and he'll be okay.

[msfbgraves]

In Knights and Pawns, would Daniel have been better off and happier with Kumiko over Terry? I guess I am biased, as I am obviously a Silverusso fan (yes, even when Terry is at his worst) and a Damanda and Danzen fan…so reading about Daniel still having a thing for Kumiko rubs me the wrong way since I always found her annoying. (That’s just a personal hot take—I am a fan of your fic!!) But from reading the fic, Daniel seems to come across as sometimes never having gotten over her, and almost liking her more than Terry. Or maybe it’s because he and Terry are in a bad spot at the moment? Do you think that Daniel would have preferred to be a father to Kumiko’s puppies vs. being mama to Terry’s? Would Daniel, given the choice, choose Kumiko over Terry? Or would he still choose Terry, regardless of pups or not? Sometimes it feels—so ironically—that Terry, despite his truly heinous actions, loves Daniel more than Daniel loves him.

I think Daniel would be hurt by your observations, Nonnie, if you're not completely wrong. Consider, though. He poured everything he had into Terry. A man who he's never not feared, at least a little, a man who made him his against his will. Yes, he chose this to save his people's lives, most of all his siblings, and given how much the death of even one sibling still resonates with Terry, how it influenced his family, I am asking the readers not to forget what that means. Daniel is one on one the reason why Louie and Nessa are even alive, why Lucille hasn't had more loss, why his Pop has two more beautiful grandpups by Louie and Anoush. And now, he's helping Michael get married to Appollonia. If Daniel hated Terry's guts for all eternity, he would still be a hero in my book. But don't you think that would make a young man dream about another, freer, more innocent kind of love? Would it have been better, two omegas alone? No it would have been excruciatingly hard in a different way and Kumiko decided against it. But that's not the feeling Daniel remembers, he remembers passion in a safe cocoon, remembers love for its own sake. Terry is competing with a memory, a symbol of freedom.

And yet: "I've never loved like that again", of course not! I always laugh a little at the line: "Nobody will love you like I do." Everyone is unique. Every love is unique. He can't love Kumiko like he loves Terry, like he would have come to love Chozen if he'd formed a throuple with Kumiko. Daniel can have 27 types of love next to each other and it wouldn't matter to him. He'd love, and be warmed by it, and love in return. Terry is, in true Alpha fashion, the obsessive one. Terry's love is extremely focused. And Daniel's love isn't shallow. He's in there, he loves him. Amanda being so much like Terry makes him love her nearly as hard! He loves her for being like Terry, for loving Terry, she hasn't hurt him, which is a plus. She's family and he loves her. Also, the bit about how he's crying with how much he misses Terry? That's not an act.

Kumiko is one love and it hasn't gone away. Terry is another and he loves him so much it hurts. It's a very sharp love they share, or it can be. And Terry is the one making it hard. And Daniel would be a mess if Terry left, he's grown around him so much, he's his rock. But he's dangerous. Kumiko wasn't dangerous. But Daniel would even be a mess if Michael died and he's always feared him.

Daniel is simply a person who cannot understand why, if you feel love for one person, you should not feel another kind of love for another person. He can't fathom why they should have to compete. Does Terry love him more than Daniel loves him back? Maybe? No? Daniel would be a mess with Terry gone. He is a mess. He could move in with Kumiko and Chozen this second and he'd ache for him. It's not a competition. Mix in the fact that he misses his babies like air and he hasn't seen his sister in two years and can we please give this sweetheart a break he's nearly imploding.

Would that he loved everyone a little less!

[ruminate88]

Closure, Forgiveness and Healing: Not just a process but a lifestyle ❤️‍🩹

2/05/25 daily choosing to stay no contact

At least for me it seems to be a lifestyle choice. I feel like every day I wake up and some of my feelings still haven’t changed even after all these years, so I tell myself that I still have to forgive and let go because you cannot change the past and you’re missing out on the present.

You really do grieve relationships that were a facade. Knowing that person wore a mask to deceive you and yet you fell in love with that mask, you know? Not enough convincing within myself has changed my feelings either I know that my exes wore a mask, but it’s been hard just to get over it. I think part of it is fear of the unknown by totally letting go, but also I had shoved my feelings down for so long because I got married to someone else and I was trying to respect my marriage and I quite frankly didn’t understand my past relationships I knew nothing about emotional abuse so I didn’t understand that I had emotional wounds. It took Covid to open my eyes up to so much.

when I first learned about emotional abuse, I had to process all that information and make it register in my head what happened to me! Then I began to remember a lot of things that did happen and why although, I don’t have all the whys down and I may never get all the answer I’ve wanted.. living with unanswered questions, unresolved issues, and no closure. So in my brain, I’m resolving how I feel towards the past and how they treated me. I’m coming up with my own goodbyes and realizing that daily I have to choose to stay no contact and keep the door closed to the past.

however, I keep a window open for reflection. I continue to reflect on the past because I cannot stop dreaming about my exes or remembering things they did or said not to mention the sadness that I have felt for them which I know is grief. I’ve learned I’ve had to make space for grief and all of my feelings, even the love feelings. I judged myself harshly at first, thinking that I’m married now to someone else and I can’t have feelings anymore, but that’s not so I can’t squash my feelings and I can’t help it if my feelings would hurt anyone new in my life. I accept that my exes really didn’t have feelings for me at all. I mean, I don’t fully know that and I can’t judge them but the way they were able to discard me so effortlessly, makes me feel like they don’t care about me at all. No regard for my feelings. Yet they can’t force themselves to love me or be with me or change for me. I’m not asking anybody ever to change for me. Only if you want me, to please, put in all the effort you can to stay with me be honest and loyal, but I know it goes both ways.

So daily, I’m talking myself into staying no contact, continuing to move forward, processing and making space for my feelings and emotions, honoring them and not judging myself OR beating myself up. i’m allowed to have feelings and my feelings are real, but eventually, I hope that they will pass I think with more time and more forgiveness in my heart, that I will continue to get over it all. Where as at the beginning of all this, I was afraid that I was still in love with my last ex Andrew and thought I wasn’t getting over him at all, and I was really really beating myself up badly and so tempted to reach out to him, but with all that was in me, I held off and stayed no contact. I’ve only googled him once since I blocked his number and I’m proud of myself for staying away from him because he was continually hurting me even though I cared about him and didn’t understand why he chose to hurt me so much. I thought I would never hurt him that way, but who knows. Clearly we weren’t a match and we weren’t meant to be and I accept BUT that I did not accept it at first. I spent over a year talking about Andrew and ruminating and processing everything and then suddenly something clicked in my brain and switched around on me and now all I could think about is Cody and it’s just weird how suddenly everything is about Cody now I don’t know. It’s strange. My brain is strange and we live in a strange world.

They say emotional abuse damages the brain in different ways and could even be permanent, BUT I don’t accept that. I choose to believe that I’m healing all parts of me, including my brain that I’m going to be OK and that I’m going to have a healthy and toxic free life moving forward. Choosing carefully who I spend time with and make relationships with. Choosing to still believe that love doesn’t fail, even if it can’t heal or change people always. No hate towards my exes just continuing to be brutally honest with myself and about them. I don’t know if they would say I was crazy if they would dismiss my story completely I just don’t know. I’m not their judge and they are not my judge. I’m not even my own judge…. 🌹🌹🌹

[intentionalish]

02 | Fear

Fear is a feeling. Danger is real. 

The other day, I heard this story of a Men’s Collegiate Volleyball Team that was about to play a championship game. On the day of the big game, one of their players did not show up. The referee allowed the team 20 minutes to find their last player, but to no avail, nobody knew where he was, which meant the team had to forfeit the match. The next day, the entire team confronted him and asked why he did not show up to their game, to which he answered, “I was so afraid that I would not play well, so I chose to not show up at all.” 

Former pro athlete and current author, Lewis Howes, writes about three different types of fear in his book, “The Greatness Mindset: Unlock the Power of Your Mind and Live Your Best Life Today.”

Fear of Failure

Fear of Judgment

Fear of Success

I fear all three, but the main distinction with my situation is that my own opinion is the only one that affects me. My mind constructs this idea that fear is the appropriate response to any of my feelings. 

I fear failure because I do not want to let myself down. I have this idea in my head that I need to be a provider to my family…a caring brother to my sibling…a devoted son to my parents…a leader at work…an example to my peers. I fear that if I miss a step or make a mistake along the way, then I will appear to be even one centimeter less than any of those symbols I long to be for others. My fear of failure is so strong that I would rather stay stagnant than risk letting myself down - I would rather not show up than risk my being the reason why we lost the game. 

I fear judgment because I care so much about showing up for the people I care about. The judgment that I put upon myself is probably 1000x of the judgment others might have on me. 

I fear success because I fear no amount of measurable success will be enough. If I won the $100 million PowerBall Lottery, then that $101 millionth dollar would keep me up at night. I fear that success is something unattainable for me, as I have already accomplished goals I sought to years ago, but I find myself craving more. 

I often wonder where this fear came from. I have always approached every new scenario with hesitation, but at what point did that hesitation transform into full blown fear? I have always had the ability to understand the repercussions of every situation before entering it, but at what point did that mindset transition to overthinking? I literally cannot pinpoint the last time that I did anything without first overthinking it first. Even something as similar as what I wear everyday weighs heavy on my mind despite me decluttering my wardrobe to about 100 or so items less than I had three years ago…at least I lived back then. I may have had a closet full of clothes, and a storage room worth of shoes, but at least I wasn’t afraid. Nowadays, if I even purchase a pair of socks that I actually need (because I had to dispose of a different pair due to holes), I fear that as well. 

I fear failure. What if this pair of $4.99 socks does not last me as long as it should before I need to replace it?

I fear judgment. What if this pair of $4.99 socks does not match with the one pair of shoes that I wear only for special occasions? Then, I will have misrepresented myself as the intentional minimalist I claim to be. 

I fear success. What if this pair of $4.99 socks becomes my favorite pair of socks? Replacing it will be almost impossible if this specific pair is discontinued. 

Even writing all of this, I feel as though these feelings are unreasonable, and yet they really are not. I know I’m not the only one. Fear may be a feeling, but it has to be the most crippling feeling in the history of existence. The vision of people who live their lives day-to-day with a carefree insouciance is something that I so long for, and yet it eludes me every second of every day.

[jeskoholic]

A Little Piece of You Chapter 11: Truth Among Lies

This is a chapter from an on-going series. If you missed out on the previous entries, you can check my masterlist.

Previous Chapter: Sizzling Hot

Word count: 4,007

Tags: M OC x (G) I-DLE Soyeon, University, Angst, Struggle (?)

Enjoy!

Getting my top blown off in front of my newfound friends was possibly one of the worst things I could do, and in just one lunch break I did exactly that. I was so numb and triggered at everything that escaped Hongseok’s mouth that I just flat out lost all sense of self-control and got angry at him. Now that I look back at it, I felt so stupid doing that. I never should have let him get to my head because I know that he’s just trying to find an answer from me regardless of how stupid it was, and I did all of that in front of Ningning too. It would have been better if it were either Kyungsoo, Dawn, Shinwon, Kino, or even Soyeon that saw me emotional like that… allowing myself to crumble apart in front of them two was absurd. I felt so disappointed with myself.

I should have just let it slide. Remembering things that happened during high school and associating them with the things that are happening now is not the most optimal way to go. It’s worse when my past traumas are starting to affect the way I look at things in the present. The end result was Ningning chose to be the driver by introducing a different topic, yet I could tell that they were being careful about their words around me. I hope that they didn’t think of me differently; this was even the first time I am spending time with Hongseok and now I blew it on the first chance I ever got. He was even nice enough to order and pay for my shake…

No matter how much I try to keep myself away from the thought of what happened, I cannot deny though that Hongseok had a valid point in his query. Maybe I was just overthinking about things. I was so busy on proving my point to him that what I thought was actually the right thing. My pride was being stepped on and my first action was to retaliate, which is so stupid and borderline childish.

I spent the afternoon away from them for the best interests of everyone else. I would go far as to say that I temporarily separated my links from them and went to the place that I deem would seclude me from each and every single one of them: the university library. I was sure that not even a single one of them would think to go up there. At least, I could have a couple of minutes to myself while I reflect on my actions; at the same time attempting to keep the issue down. However, as I sat down and wait for the hours to pass, I could still hear the thoughts swirling in my head. It was like I was debating against an invisible Hongseok as I attempt to keep my point across.

I still don’t understand why I should really do things in response to Soyeon’s advances. I just don’t get it. I would feel like if I would do that, I’ll unintentionally force myself onto a situation, a relationship, which I didn’t even want in the beginning. Soyeon’s no doubt a talented and amazing person not to mention beautiful, but I can’t deny that she has her traits that are not… compatible with me, exactly. Seeing red flags like that are things that I do not want to blatantly ignore just because of her reputation. In the end, I would be in a relationship with her heart and not her face or her fame. The fact that she’s a part of this newfound ‘squad’ enticed another series of fears in my head because either way, it was a loss either way. If I chose what I believe was right, or if I choose a decision favourable to her and it would not work out, I might cause an unintentional rift at the group.

Hongseok’s point, on the other hand, felt like a very childish reason and I never was a fan on why he even brought that to the table. I should not let Soyeon go because it’s like a huge privilege to have someone like her develop feelings for me? Does Hongseok think that I’m not worthy of someone with such a huge calibre such as Jeon Soyeon, so I should be flattered that she even confessed that she likes me?

But then again; I can’t blame him because he can only judge us by the surface level. Hongseok, or even the rest of the friend group, had no idea what was going behind the scenes. Soyeon proved herself in many ways that she indeed had feelings for me, but would say that being too erotic is not the love language that I was seeking. I would be a hypocrite if I would not admit that I liked it, but on that level of intimacy, I would have wanted if it was under different circumstances.

I guess it was the one thing that was holding me back against her. Soyeon felt too liberated and open and I’m being too culture shocked with what I’m seeing and experiencing.

Although, I cannot pretend that I’m that much innocent as well. I experience too much skinship from before, on a person I would not even deem thinkable at this day and age.

Maybe it was the reason why I was afraid. I don’t want another relationship to stray close enough or develop into something similar to what happened during the past. From the likes of it, it feels like that’s where Soyeon and I were bound to head to. It might be overthinking like what Hongseok said, but the odds are too much to that direction that I could not just ignore it. The odds were pretty much not on my favour for this one.

I guess… I guess Soyeon had something similar to my past girlfriend… to my first love, if I will. The way that that relationship ended was not exactly pleasant, and maybe it’s the reason why I’m being too protective to myself. I don’t want to get damaged further than how damaged I was before.

Regardless, I think I’m already too old to be dealing with just a fling. I needed to be certain and I need to be arbitrarily serious. At this point with Soyeon, I can definitely say that I’m not.

I could no longer handle the impending anxiety that I was having from within, and so I went off and set my phone to a silent alarm for a few hours, ending on a couple of minutes before my final class with Shinwon even begins. I didn’t even realize that with too much emotion surging with me since that encounter earlier this day, I was still sleep deprived because of that excursion with Soyeon. Somehow exhaustion has caught up to me and now, even with all the delays from home and from this afternoon, I can finally let myself rest and hopefully cancel the stupid mood swing that I have been experiencing even before I share the class with Ko Shinwon.

---4:34 PM, AT THE SCHOOL’S FOUNTAIN---

Yoon Jae-in had woken up to his alarm ten minutes ago and managed to get his face fixed up before the class even begins. He found himself sitting on the small fountain area at the heart of the university, and it was this huge, circular work of water that had concrete benches surrounding its perimeter. It was most commonly known by the students of the university as a past-time place, which is exactly why he was seated there waiting for 5 PM among other students who were perhaps doing the exact same thing.

In Jae-in’s head, it felt like almost every student of North Line had a universal agreement that the watching the waters flow on the fountain and the nearby man-made water fall somehow eases the mind, regardless of the source for stress. It did nothing to help solve the predicament, but it sure did help take the mind off of things even for just a little bit.

Jae-in, however, could only wish that he had brought something to serve music privately to his ears. It would have made the moment infinitely better than it already was. After all, he successfully flushed the encounter the whole Hongseok situation out of his system already, and the small incorporation of even just a couple more hours of sleep eased up his mood to more manageable levels. Somehow electing to isolate him from the other members of the friend group, especially Ningning and Hongseok, helped a lot. Soyeon could have been contacting him at that time but he was too busy with himself to even consider how she was doing.

The approaching twilight was right in the ever-orange skies from above. The time was almost five PM, and almost time for the start of drafting class. Jae-in had just finished gathering his thoughts together and moved to head to the laboratory upstairs when he was approached by a familiar figure coming from the fountain’s right pathway.

A tall and slender frame, hair styled in the usual soft perm, bomber jacket and slim jeans marked the arrival of his classmate and close friend, Ko Shinwon, walking with a huge smirk on his face with a small, pink file case clamped on his grasp. He gave Jae-in a soft wave before proceeding to sit on the space nearby, earning a look of surprise from Yoon Jae-in.

“I had a feeling that you’d be here,” the tall, young man said. “Years of being your friend actually paid off for me now, Jae-in.”

“Why are you positioned like that? Are you not planning to go to class today? It would be waste, considering how close we are already. It’s just up there.”

“Wait, you don’t know? Mr Hwang actually announced something at the university website. He said we can have the day off but made sure to give us something to work on. It’s not due until next weekend, so we have a lot of time to do it.”

“Are you serious?” Jae-in said in slight frustration before sitting beside Shinwon. “I should have gone home and went for a sleep. Staying at the library was a waste of time when I could have slept on a better bed.”

“So that’s where you’ve headed. No wonder everyone else is looking for you at the group. Plus, I think it would be a waste anyway since Mr Hwang posted the announcement thirty minutes ago. It can’t be helped man.”

“Well, at least we can go home earlier now. Do you want to head already?”

Shinwon grinned.

“The first thought was actually to head on off and smoke for the time being, but I guess seeing you here shifted my schedule for a little bit.”

“You’re planning to smoke? I thought you quit that already.”

“Well…. things take some time getting used to being gone. I’m more on… regulating it, if you will. Yeri particularly hates the scent especially afterwards.”

“Oh, that’s… that’s amazing. That’s good for you. It’s nice that you have someone that can help you change. Congratulations on that. I never really got to interact with Yeri, and I do actually want to meet her soon with more conversations.”

Shinwon nodded and then proceeded to shift his position on the bench.

“Actually… I’ll have to cut to the chase. I could easily have gone home but I actually am looking for you. I think that we need to talk.”

“Whoa, that sounded so damn serious all of a sudden,” Jae-in said as he sat beside him. “Are you okay? Is this about Yeri?”

“Well, you know… Jae-in,” he said as he placed his arm on Jae-in’s shoulder as a form of brotherly consignment. “I… I know it may sound nosy of me, but what else is new… I knew about what happened earlier. You and Hongseok had some argument right? It didn’t exactly turn out good, am I correct?”

If anything, Jae-in was not really surprised that he knew. He was more bewildered by the fact that Shinwon was actually the one who went out and talked to him for that as it would usually come the other way around. He was initially expecting the confrontation to not come sooner, and to actually come from Kyungsoo being the ‘introducer’.

“Oh… well I didn’t really … it was not really an argument it’s more of me losing control over my emotions because I’m stupid. I don’t think I can even look straight at Hongseok again after that.”

“Don’t worry man… I’m sure he understands. I was surprised that you’d turn like that in front of Ningning and Hongseok, though. It must have been really serious. They said that it got too intense that Ningning just changed the topic to keep things under control.”

“I’m… I’m glad that she did actually. How did you find out, by the way? Was I too hard that it scattered to the group already?”

“Well no… Ningning knew that we were classmates for the final subject of the day. She was the one who personally asked me to check on you and called it as a favour. She’s really concerned for you, you know.”

Silence broke up between both of them. Jae-in pondered from within him how much Ningning had done for him that day, while Shinwon fell silent because he had no idea what to say afterwards.

“Anyway,” Shinwon continued. “Is it okay for me to ask you what happened? What really ticked you off?”

Jae-in sighed and gathered his courage before venting his frustrations.

“If anything… the argument mostly revolved with my issues. Bottom line is… I really don’t think that I’m ready to get into a relationship just yet, especially on the whole Soyeon situation. The reason why I was so persistent on insisting my point towards Hongseok was because I’m starting to feel pressured with Soyeon’s advances. I can’t do anything to her in return because… I don’t want to keep her hopes up. However, if I would not do anything as well, she’d just think that we’re waiting for something to come yet in the end, there was really nothing. At this point, I just could not keep up that I feel like I’m mentally exhausted keeping whatever was between us up in the air.”

“So what was Hongseok insisting?” Shinwon asked.

“Hongseok kept on telling me that I should give Soyeon a chance. Compared to myself, she’s more likely to get people attracted to her. For Hongseok, it was absurd that I am not even jumping at the first chance of being her guy. I mean, technically speaking, he’s not wrong. Soyeon’s really pretty and not to mention famous, and she has a long line of guys willing to be her boyfriend. She’s right there, waiting for the perfect opportunity to be with me and yet I can’t bring myself to see that we can actually be together. I guess I was just too taken aback when she actually confessed and claimed that she meant it.”

“Does she, though? Keep in mind that she was drunk when she confessed to you. You and I know how she is when she’s drunk, right Jae-in? I would not exactly advise someone to believe what escapes her lips when she’s hazed with alcohol. I know that she’s my friend, but you are too. I’m trying to show you the bigger picture when it comes to Soyeon. Plus, I know her longer before you did, so there’s that.”

“Well if she wasn’t serious with it she wouldn’t have wasted her time talking to me and doing all those advances towards me right? If she wasn’t serious she had all the chances to back out but there she was, still persistent.  There are a lot of things that are happening behind the scenes, man. Some are stuff that I do not even want to disclose because it’s too much. With regards to Soyeon, it kinda feels like she’s the one trying to woo me to be honest.”

“That’s fair if you actually feel like the girl. But if that’s the case why argue with Hongseok? What’s holding you back from actually trying your chances with Soyeon?”

Jae-in fell silent and merely stared at the flowing waters of the fountain before him. He knew precisely the answer, yet there was a little bit of a hesitation from his part.

“I… I just dislike the idea that I’m supposed to act back just because she’s doing something you know. That is what I think Hongseok was implying, but to me that is just borderline uncomfortable. That was the fire that ignited my irritation among other things. Sure, I was lacking sleep and all that, but even Hongseok or Ningning had no idea that I have that tendency. I don’t know what else I should tell her. If I’m going to act, I want to do it because I was the one who wanted it, not because the situation is warranting me to do it. Honestly, I don’t even know why I’m making this too much of a big deal. I might just be overthinking because I don’t want to make a move just yet… In light of recent events, I just felt that I was a bit pressured that I can’t keep up and maintain things.”

Shinwon nodded as an awkward silence passed between them both once again. Some of the students that were on the fountain with them have now gone to their respective ways.

“Jae-in… I want to ask you a question. I want you to answer it as solidly and as truthfully as you ever could. Give me a quick answer, and I would encourage you to not even think about it that much. I want an answer from the heart, not from the head; you good with that?”

Why do I get the feeling that I know what he’s about to ask me?

“Go on then. I’ll give you what you want.”

“Do you even like Soyeon?”

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

“No,” Jae-in mouthed. It was an odd feeling having to admit to it and say it to someone else, once and for all. “I thought I did, but I could not rule out the fact that we were both influence by alcohol when the confessions happened. I think I acted immediately with the situation presented without giving it a fair bit of thought. Now, I can’t put all my eggs in the basket because my heart was never in the basket in the first place.”

“I knew it,” Shinwon said with a nod. “I think I can see why that’s the case.”

“You knew…? How can you say so?”

“Well, I have been your friend ever since we ever stepped foot on our high school, Jae-in. You were the first person that I ever talked to, so our friendship is anchored way back. It goes to say that I have discovered a lot about you during then and in turn, I know how you act to certain degrees. I, for one, know that you are a very ‘all-in’ kind of person. I always got that impression about you. You don’t usually head in first without a thought, but when you do, you make sure that you give more than a hundred per cent. Once you go in, you go in REALLY HARD. I guess that is the reason why you fell so badly when… when you and your high school girlfriend fell apart in the worse possible way ever. Somehow I had a hunch that you and Soyeon would not work out in the long run even if you pursued it because it didn’t feel right.”

“You think so too?”

“Well... yeah. Some things really do ring a bell. Having that too light-spirited of a woman with you is not really your type, as you mentioned before. I kept my mouth shut because I thought that it would end in a couple of days after that, like it was just a one-night deal kind of thing. When things started to get serious, when you two were holding hands together and all that, I got really concerned; my gut was telling me that soon, you’d get tired of her habits given how opposite her interests are with yours.”

I… I was thinking of the same thing. Shinwon, despite teasing me of Soyeon during the past, secretly had a gut feeling that something was wrong. That’s damn good friendship right there.

“I found it funny actually that you feel like the girl between the both of you, because you actually are. Think about it: she’s more outgoing, has more bad habits, and was more of a happy-go –lucky liberated person and here you are, reserved, more composed, and even conservative. You’re like a text-book reserved woman, a maiden, and I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing just because you’re a guy. It actually makes you unique and it separates you from the louder ones.”

“Hey I have my bad habits too don’t discredit that.”

“Yeah but there are things she does that you don’t, right? You haven’t been to a club before, right Jae-in?”

He nodded silently.

“Do you even want to go to a club?”

He shook his head.

“I told you so. In my opinion, that already says a lot. It also helps that you’re the one being pursued.”

Silence, once more.

“Jae-in… you’re a very emotional person. I think you already knew that. You’re probably the softest, most kind-hearted person in our entire friend group, which is why you’re sometimes getting trampled on by people who have a higher social score than you. I would include myself in that. Regardless, what I’m trying to say is that… listen to what your heart is telling you. Set aside the courtesy you’re reserving for Soyeon and reserve that for yourself, because if you really don’t like her, it’s better to end it now that in the long run. It would be easier for both of you and she would soon understand.”

“You’re… you’re right… I should have thought of this sooner. I was so naïve that maybe I’ll have a reason to… to pull it off. I should have done it earlier.”

“Come on… you don’t need one shit bag like me to tell you what to do now, right? You’re freaking Yoon Jae-in!”

“You did well to make me remember it. Thank you. I promise that one of these days, I’ll have to atone for my responsibilities. I’ll tell Soyeon the truth and face whatever goes after it. I have a feeling that it would not be pretty.”

Shinwon tapped his shoulder as a brotherly gesture.

“That’s the spirit, mate. I’ll be supporting you until the very end. Whatever happens, know that I’m by your side than Soyeon’s. In this instance, I know that you’re doing the right thing.”

 “I will. I’ll do that for the sake of everyone as well.”

Shinwon finally stood up and gave some stretching. Jae-in followed suit, but before they could both even walk out of the fountain’s premises, he was stopped once again by the voice of the taller Shinwon.

“You know what, regardless if what happens, we’ll be here in case you’re in for a drink. I’d rather share a table with you because you chose to do what’s right than to lull in a depressing drinking session because Soyeon broke your heart. Don’t let what happened to you in high school happen again with Soyeon, okay?”

“What do you mean? What does high school have to do with this?”

“All I’m saying is: be careful. You don’t want this whole Soyeon situation to turn into another Wonyoung now, do you?”

[sayruq]

So, I just finished watching episode 10 of HoTD and I swear I was so bored for like 55 minutes of the whole ride, the only moment I was actually paying attention was when Aemond was on screen and the only emotion I had was me cackling at Aemond's tectonic "OH SHIT" face when Grandma Vhagar did her war crime.

I cannot believe that this is meant to be a challenger to the brilliance that is RoP, which had me at the edge of my seat from start to finish at every episode. Like, miss me with this failed Targ shit, the writers are so clearly not getting it.

Rings of Power writers care so much about their characters and they committ to the story they're telling, nothing is half assed. They want us to be attached to the characters and they work hard to make sure that we do and that hard work paid off. Look at how well received their finale is compared to this one. Ep 6 brought several characters together and not only did it feel like a big deal, the episode itself was tense, heartbreaking, dark and filled with more morally grey characters than HOTD. Adar>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Daemon. RoP was not scared to have Galadriel promise genocide nor did it ignore what that says about her. HOTD won't even let Rhaenyra express murderous intent after she was usurped and her son killed. She just stares into the camera.

I read the leaks so I knew what was coming and that usually doesn't detract from my enjoyment of a show because I love spoilers but even I was counting down the minutes to Aemond. It felt like an ordinary filler episode. Things happen without urgency or tension and not once did I feel like I couldn't wait to see how other characters will react to the new plot developments except Aemond's scene (he really is the MVP of the show). It didn't feel like the beginning of a new catastrophic war.

This show doesn't understand how to pick it's scenes. Instead of a very long miscarriage and body preparation scene, we could have spent more time on Rhaenyra's anger at being usurped, her fear of what it means for her children and her grief at her father's death because she barely reacted to that. There should have been only one Black Council scene after her coronation where we get

Team Black talking about their allies and Team Green's allies and you know strategizing

Rhaenys and Corlys slowly changing their minds about Rhaenyra (the show given reason why they chose her is very stupid because even the Greens want peace but whatever) as they watch her handle herself

Daemon trying to wrest control from Rhaenyra. You can even have him start the Council without her to show his eagerness for war. Instead of him standing around the table talking about the island's defenses, we should see him attending to that, ignoring her while she's in pain

Rhaenyra resisting it because of the prophecy which she doesn't talks about just yet. We should see people constantly pushing her to declare war and attack King's Landing and Rhaenyra standing her ground

Plans are made to send Jace and Luke to act as messengers

Instead of war, Rhaenyra plans on gaining enough allies to back the Greens into a corner without a single person dying

Then Otto Hightower comes. Instead of the dumb dragon scene, show Rhaenyra struggling to walk there but being determined because she's now queen and this is her duty but also because of the prophecy. She listens to the terms offered, trades insults with Otto, Daemon is Daemon. The page is offered, Rhaenyra cries and she decides to give her answer the following day.

Daemon thinks her attachment to Alicent is problem but she tells him about the prophecy. He strangles her. Rhaenyra spends the night thinking about how unpopular her decision is, she doesn't want to waver despite all the pressure she's facing.

Luke dies and Rhaenyra finds out right before she tells Otto her terms for peace. Instead of Emma staring at the camera, we can have the iconic line

Tell my half brother that I will have my throne, or I will have his head,” she said, sending the envoys on their way.

Now we see how Rhaenyra has been transformed by her son's death and we don't have to spend the entire last episode spinning the wheel until Aemond enters the picture.