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mossy123302 · 7 months ago

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I am not exactly entirely good with character or relationship analysis (A reason why my dumb fox head is aroace because I am not good w/ navigating romantic relationships)

So this is just my best effort writing the dynamic Q! Philza and Q! Missa have.

I do like to headcanon, like others, that Philza is indeed aroace, but not in a way, that like he doesn't understand what platonic or romantic means. Sure, it's funny to tease Philza about it, but it's also true that close friends could very much do so. I think Philza is quite aware of what is romantic and platonic, he knows the boundaries of it. I mean Philza is literally married to the Goddess of Death (implied) Kristin. It's more or less that Philza doesn't simply care for such labels. (I very much hc that Philza could probably be genderfluid, like me- Peeposmile)

It's something Philza even mentioned in the live stream when talking about the deities in hardcore world. It's something they don't care about and just vibe with whatever they're vibing with. They don't care and I think Philza is the same in that mindset. He just doesn't care, and will be blunt about it, if he needs to actually talk about it.

Philza seems to deeply cherish those that are ... similar to himself from what I can tell. I don't fully watch Fit or other POV to get a clear understanding of Phil's relationship w/ others so I'm sorry if I don't include them, same with Technoblade. I've recently started watching mcyt again and I don't want to talk about something I don't have a full understanding of.

Anyways, Phil deeply connects with those that share similar traits to him in some regard. Techno whose the Blood God, who clearly has an understanding of death, war and loyalty and this clearly shows via Missa too. Missa, while not a fighter, does understand death and how important it is... He literally is a gentle grim reaper. He understands death much clearly, because his mother is also a Goddess tied to Death as well. Missa is also fiercely loyal to Phil and his children, because honestly, he was so busy! He didn't have to return to Quesadilla Island but he did because he cares about Phil and his children, quickly adopted Tallulah and he hadn't even seen her yet.

Whoever Phil trusted and guards with his life, Missa will guard that person with his life as well. Of course, unless, we talk about BadboyHalo then that's another discussion LOL. Such a mess between the demon (?) and grim reaper.

Anyways, we know how much Phil values such loyalty that, I cannot remember what Tubbo said, but he immediately locked Tubbo out of his own home because of what he said about someone and while despite implied flings with others. Philza never spoke about others the way he speaks about Missa.

Their relationship definitely...crosses the line of platonic and romantic. I can see why it would be considered queer platonic relationship, but also at the same time, it's like there is some line being breached which makes everyone raise an eyebrow cause sir, what do you mean platonic-

Philza is clearly...possessive over Missa, because the way he got so defensive when Bagi mentions Antoine (right?) and Missa should date. Philza didn't have to get so defensive, because Missa already immediately denied. Philza could have kissed anyone else, like Fit, but chose Missa instead. He even demanded Tall Missa to the admins, got jealous over any shipping fanart and acts like he's fine and doesn't miss Missa at all. *Coughs in* "I'm going to f*cking off myself. Did Missa log on again?!" (Side eye Philza)

Like he's done lots of things that makes everyone just raise an eyebrow- Philza is fooling no one but himself (& Missa)

I also enjoy the lore Missa has going on with accepting that he is indeed a part of the family and isn't alone. Missa had just lost Spreen, and suddenly, he had no one but the Angel of Death as his assigned partner. Missa must have felt so unmatched compared to Philza because what could he even offer to the family? He had nothing but his music and kind words, which is everyone that Death Family wanted. Missa brought a different change to the family that makes them be vulnerable, to not be so serious all the time and to actually just relax and be like a family that's just on vacation.

I mean, and just talking about loyalty and kindness. Missa never gave up... He fought his way back, despite getting taken away by wolves and suddenly Badboyhalo being so cruel. He always made sure his family was safe and always brought something for them.

Didn't Missa say he got lost because he tried to find a gift for Philza?! Like...the commitment to find a perfect gift for Philza, and still returning (sure, without the gift). While it's hilarious, Missa doesn't run away because of his wet cat behavior. He runs away because he doesn't want to put his family in danger, he cannot fight as well as others can. He relies on others to fight for him and then he jumps in to help, but because the time zone doesn't allow such things. Missa is forced to run.

And Missa is good at it. He will run as far as he can, if it means his family will be safe. He isn't running away from his family, but the danger because at the end of it all, he will return back to his family, no matter how long it takes.

And Missa casually admitted to Chayanne that he needs Philza more than he realized, the same way Philza realizes he needed Missa but didn't dare admit, whether it is out of fear or something else that he couldn't voice it. But Philza clearly showed it through his actions, that he brought/dragged Missa to Rose's Sanctuary before they went to sleep forever. He didn't have to do so, but he did... indicating their bond is much deeper because Rose's Sanctuary is literally a pocket dimension that no one cannot access.

Missa has access. Now he sleeps eternally with his family...

Also their whole dynamic just being Sun/Moon. Fated to never see each other at times, until an eclipse and yet...they still leave signs to let the other know that they're still remembered. This also brought to my attention how Missa is afraid of the sky, while Philza yearns for the sky/to fly.

You think The Sun (Philza) misses the Moon (Missa) so much, because of how far they are, instead of just not seeing each other. The Moon clings to Earth, because they're afraid to go beyond...to something unknown while the Sun cannot stay still, and yearns to burn and be free.

Deathduo/Pissa has me on chokehold.

I do hope this was an interesting analysis, I'm not very good at this..honestly it's probably just me rambling if anything.

#deathduo #pissa #thoughts #qsmp #qsmp missa #philza qsmp #goddess of death kristin #i have more to say tbh #but my brain is gone #i am so tired

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starkraivennemad · 8 months ago

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Rise and Fall

“When did you first know you were falling for me?” Greg broke the comfortable silence during dinner one evening.

“I did not notice I was falling and cannot calculate the exact trajectory.” Mycroft quirked a brow at the unexpected question.

Greg stifled his smile at the very Mycroftian response.

“Truth be told, Gregory, I have never been one for the phrase falling in love.”

“How so?” Greg sat back curious for the response.

“People say they fall in love. But what is the definition of fall? To come or go down quickly from a high place, to let yourself come or go down to a lower position, to become less, to lose value.” Mycroft put his fork down and sat back. “Falling is uncoordinated; a generally unconscious act. No one wants to fall.”

“That is true.” Greg gave a nod of agreement. “The body instinctively tries to reach out, to brace itself against it. Falling is not something we want to do in any other circumstance.”

“Exactly. So why is it allowed in love?” Mycroft took a sip of water. “It’s much better to rise in it.”

“To rise?”

“Yes. Rise: to move upward, to become higher, to advance to a higher level, to become stronger, to be or become better, to make the special effort.” Mycroft gave a slight apologetic wince realizing how he sounded and cleared his throat. “Do you remember there was a riot in Vancouver, Cananda after a sporting event - specifically the photo of the couple kissing on the ground?”

Greg nodded. “I remember, it was everywhere. There was chaos all around them, police in the near distance. Yet they were kissing.”

“Precisely. For all that was going on around them, in that moment it, was just about the two of them. It's him giving her comfort in the midst of madness, and it comforts him as well for her to accept it and return it. That was a moment of rising in love between two people who had no idea the moment was captured until it was shared across the globe.”

“I see…”

“Do you?”

“Falling in love is relatively easy…” Greg grinned at Mycroft’s immediate scoff, “I said relatively.”

“Fine…” Mycroft started to eat again. “Continue…”

“You’re say falling in love is… that easy B-. It required very little effort to pass the test. Now you have time for that Saturday Social with your C, B- and maybe even B+ friends. And if that is all that’s wanted – it’s good. But then the Honor Roll comes out and you’re secretly upset that your name is not on it because you know you could have done better. Rising in love is not being satisfied with that easy B-.”

“Rising in love is not easy. It takes work, compromise, and yes, some sacrifice.” Mycroft expanded. “You’re willing to put in the work for it. Give up a couple, perhaps quite a few Socials. Some who call themselves friends will mock you. They may taunt you with all that they think you are missing, but you persevere. And when you do finally show up at a Social again, you do so with a hard-earned A, maybe even an A+ and your name on the Honor Roll.”

Greg reached out and grasped Mycroft’s hand, understanding there was more than a bit of the autobiographical in there.

Loving a man like Mycroft Holmes – Mycroft Holmes loving a man like him had not come easy for either.

And they would not have it any other way.

“Yes, rising in love is work, but the payoff is so worth the extra effort. But…” Greg gave Mycroft’s hand a teasing squeeze and winked, “…you didn’t exactly answer the question.”

Mycroft chuckled, returning the squeeze. “I cannot tell you when I began falling, because it’s not the falling - the travel to the destination if you will, that I noticed, but the sudden landing in realization that I arrived. However, once I got over the shock that I in fact had fallen, I can tell you exactly when I chose to rise in it…”

Mycroft surprised Greg with a date and time.

Then Greg surprised Mycroft with the place.

“How…?!”

It was one of the rare times Mycroft outwardly showed genuine surprise and Greg treasured it as he answered. “I made you laugh and somehow a peach slice from your dessert slipped from the fork to your lip and down your chin before you caught it. For the very first time I had the thought of how badly I wanted to kiss the juice of the peach from your lips. That I wanted to kiss – more than just – kiss you…” Greg blushed. “Then just before we were leaving, somebody’s kid was running in the aisle and caused the server to up end his tray. They cleaned it, but not well enough…”

“Dear god, I remember. The floor had a slick spot. I would have entirely fallen on my face if you had not caught me. Still, I nearly brought us both down, you… were so strong… You held fast and we were quickly righted. It made me realize you were strong in many other ways and the way you looked at me just then – I wanted you to look at me that way… always. I knew I wanted you.”

“I grabbed you because I wanted no harm to come to you, not even as something as simple and physically harmless as simple stumble. And the look you saw…?” Greg held Mycroft’s eyes intently to his knowingly looking at him that way, “You tripped… and that was the moment I realized I fell.”

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Read on AO3

@calaisreno @MayPrompts2024

#MayPrompts2024 - Prompt 4: Fall

#mayprompts2024 #bbc sherlock #mystrade #greg lestrade #mycroft holmes

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sleepypsyducks · 2 years ago

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I'm working on a fic right now and slightly exploring Larry and Geeta's work relationship / friendship and honestly am having fun. So...headcanon time!

I just...I really like the idea that they have known each other for a long time and that Geeta is fully aware of Larry is capable of. She struggles, and has struggled for years, to understand how he just...changed to being normal. She has seen him at his best and finest hour and watched as he just...accepted normalcy and wears it like he has for his whole life. She watched how he traded fine trainer clothes of the highest quality for a few mid-quality suits and silk dress shirts. However, despite all of that, their dynamics never changed. People may think he's being serious about how she is as a boss and she thought so at first once his behavior changed but then she realized his humor is just...incredibly dry and flat. (She thinks she misses the sarcasm at first until it's directed at her in the blandest of tones. Then she finds she still hates it.) But she likes it because it compliments hers. She knows people are unsettled by her, that they have their views of her management skills and her person. Her blank gaze scares them, her attitude and behavior alienate her from people, and her smile is often misread. Yet she can pop into Larry's office with a grin on her face and stare at him as he tells her whatever is bothering him on his Spreadsheet of the Day.

Larry is one of the few people that Geeta can really just be herself around. She can let her stare become distant while she talks to him, can sit up a little straighter and become rigid as she discusses League business. She can let her words become a little sing song-y, let her body sway like it's floating when she tells him about her day. She can let Glimmora float around his office and Larry won't mind when she tries to bite his hair or burrow into his walls. She'll threaten to dock his pay for working overtime past acceptable overtime because she wants him to go home and not being a workaholic. (She knows that a lot of his money goes into Medali, goes to random trainers to pay for snacks and supplies, goes to Poppy's fundraisers and pays for Rika's obscene amount of magazine subscriptions. She knows that he has a frankly large amount of losses to bets against Hassel and that the money he gives Hassel goes to the Academy to help low income students. She knows that a large chunk of his money is also sent to another region of which she cannot figure out. She also knows that his money is spent on Pokémon clothes that she has never seen his team wear and also on gems and jewels that she knows for a fact sit in a jewelry box she got him when he accepted being the Medali gym leader. She knows that he's a man who cares not for anything but a good meal, so money doesn't actually mean much to him.)

She can put her socked feet on his lap while he glares at his computer, complaining that as his work wife she feels neglected. He'll dryly respond that there are divorce papers in his desk but please wait until Thursday to fill them out he has deadlines he needs to finish. He'll sigh when she hands him another file on an up and coming gym challenger yet they will spend the next several hours battling just so that Larry can take out his frustrations of having to stop his work to battle. She'll smile when she catches the way Larry smiles ever so slightly when he sees the diamond on Staraptor's head and the balloons on Flamigo's. She'll watch as he sits with Flamigo after their match and discuss what they need to do better next time while Glimmora floats over to say hello to her best friend. He'll not comment on how Flamingo was extremely close to successfully beating her team while she calls for repairs on the room.

Geeta may not understand why Larry chose to accept normalcy as his way of life, why he stopped battling with the passion he once had as a younger man, but she has slowly come to accept it, even if it's hard for her to do so. She doesn't understand how her rival, the one who brought out the best in her battles and of her, could just turn away from all of that to a life of letters and numbers. However, she is forever grateful that despite that he didn't end their friendship and alienate himself.

Larry struggles to understand Geeta's management style and why she has turned away from her worldly goals to focus just on Paldea. While he himself understands his dislike towards her at times, a fact she is well aware of and it brings her joy to know he can express his dislike, he doesn't fully understand why other leaders do as well given that she is very upfront with her expectations and goals. He doesn't understand why she insists on him using flying type for his Elite Four team when that was just the silly dream of a child. However, he is grateful that there is someone who understands him, who has sought to continue to understand him.

So yes, they don't always see eye to eye, they snark and get on each other's nerves, but they are the only two people who really understand the other.

However, Larry would really like it if Geeta would just let him work overtime. It's not harming anyone and it's less work for her to do.

#LOOK I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT THEM ;o;#I just think they have a deep and complex relationship and it's fun to write #yes theres a sprinkling of my larrykabu agenda as well as another thing but shhhhh #i should be writing the fic but here we are #larry pokemon #gym leader larry #geeta pokemon #chairwoman geeta #they are just :| and :)#and i think thats neat #headcanons

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triviareads · 1 year ago

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ARC Review of The Duke Gets Desperate by Diana Quincy

Summary:

Raya Darwish unexpectedly inherits her late cousin's castle, much to the displeasure of Anthony, the Duke of Strickland. Stick's father should have passed the castle onto him, but instead chose to leave it to his wife, who left it to Raya, an American interloper. Now Raya and Strick are forced to work together to bring the crumbling castle and the lands surrounding it back to life...

My review:

First, as a daughter of Asian immigrants, I deeply appreciated the Arab-American rep we got with Raya and her aunt. Raya was born and raised in Brooklyn and is pretty American in her attitudes (as Strick derisively points out every time she brings up ways to monetize the estate), but she also holds onto the Palestinian culture of her parents. I appreciated the references to the food she enjoyed back home, as well as her describing how her parents took care to protect their daughter's modesty, something that is culturally very important from my understanding. Raya's Auntie Majida reminded me fondly of all the aunties in my life, particularly in the way she melds her Arabic and English when speaking (Diana Quincy also wrote Majida's accent into her dialogue), as well as her attitudes towards certain, uh, *improprieties* lol.

Regarding the romance of it all, I enjoyed this variation on the enemies to lovers trope. The management and ownership of the castle and its surrounding estate is the main point of contention between Raya and Strickland— which is not so lighthearted as a petty grudge, but neither is it something super intense or horrific. And it makes sense: Of course Raya's entrepreneurial American spirit would clash with Strick's aristocratic English attitudes, but they're forced to work together anyway. Which leads to an abundance of sexual tension between them.

There's this particularly great period of time between them where there's just.... unmitigated horniness on both their parts (but of course they don't act on it minus the time he's like "show me your tits" and she's like "...yeah why not") where Strickland keeps trying to use his sexual wiles on her to persuade her to marry him, and Raya keeps inadvertently turning him on by using business lingo. He delivers what might be the most and yet the least persuasive proposal in HR history which goes something like this: "I want to fuck you so bad it hurts. I cannot wait to be inside of you. Ergo, marry me."

Luckily, Raya is a smart gal and before agreeing, she takes care to secure her legal right to the castle using an actual solicitor thanks to property right laws that have changed recently. See, this is why I like historical romances set in the Victorian era (this is set in the 1880s): there's far more potential for racially diverse characters, as well as feminist themes, even if they're subtle. Raya getting a legal agreement on paper and making Strickland sign it to protect her rights absolutely counts.

There is also a mystery aspect to the plot, though it doesn't pick up until more than halfway through the book. Raya's late cousin died under mysterious circumstances by falling off the top of the castle, and this is related to Strickland's missing artifacts (which he's passionate about excavating and collecting). In addition, there's a bunch of will-related issues which also serves to drive a wedge between the couple. Does Strickland also attempt to use sex to grovel? Absolutely. Speaking of which—

The sex:

This book has solid sex scenes, and Diana didn't skimp on the foreplay (I'd argue the foreplay was the best part). I really liked this scene where in order to "seal" their bargain, Strickland asks to see Raya's tits (like I mentioned earlier) and goes to town on them. Specifically, the wording here is that he "clawed" at her bodice and tbh I find that level of desperation very hot.

The standout sex scene is probably when he covers her in Anglo-Saxon-era gold jewelry and then proceeds to finger her while making her watch them in the mirror. That being said, the unsung hero sex-wise might be Strickland's dirty talk. Like, man has some hits including "your quim wants to be friends", "I'm going to enjoy your sweet tits every day until we're old and grey", and "I'm going to keep burying myself in you until I'm too old to move". The future-forward dirty talk really did it for me. Bravo Anthony.

Overall:

I would recommend this book to anyone and everyone, and specifically anyone looking to start their historical romance journey. This is your quintessential "enemies to lovers" historical romance complete with a smart, plucky heroine, a hero that's initially arrogant and suspicious of the heroine but falls HARD for her later on (and that's after him panting after her for a good chunk of the story), and a plot that really makes you reassess the role of the aristocracy by this time period. Like, no longer are dukes infallible beings; they have to deal with money loss, railroads buying them out, possibly opening their homes up to tourists, and so on. For me, it was this aspect of the plot, combined with the dynamic between the hero and heroine, that really sealed the deal for me.

Thank you to Avon and Harper Voyager and NetGalley for an advanced copy of this book in exchange for my review.

#diana quincy #netgalley #arc #arc review #historical romance #avon books #avon #Harper Voyager #romance novel

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carmenized-onions · 6 months ago

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chapter 12, new chapter yeeeehawwww

THAT FUCKING PIC HOLY MOLY

not the flight pun… (i love puns but wow just wow)

THE LOCATION IS STILL ON, I REPEAT THE LOCATION IS STILL ON (he deffo didn’t forget, he purposfully chose to keep it like that i just know:’)) )

EVA DREW A PICTURE OF HER???🥹🥹🥹

ignore the Bear in the room - 💀💀💀

Something? Or, rather, explicitly, that’s nothing. - LMAO. also yay carmen didn’t give the creep her number :D

Sydney sleeps on your shoulder, for most of the plane ride - CUTIES. get me those squidinky (kissing) crumbs

“what are we?’” Answers Syd - 👀👀👀

see if he needed help with getting ready - omg that would’ve been so cute tho her helping him tie a tie or fix his bow or cufflinks or whatever

Plus, the amount you saved on splitting a one bed? - one bed for the economy tropeeeee

pinning the collar pins on her uniform - ayo? that’s kinda 👀

I think it’s peach - like the drink she made🥺

Pbb—Fuck, - LSNEKKRKE she’s adorable

“Chip, can you put these fuckin’ things on f’me?” - SO CUTEEE. BESTIESSSSSS

the dirty details? - evil to not let us know but alas it needs to make sense with where chippy’s head is at I GUESS

I’m waitin’ on my informer - chippy cringed but i aweed

“I know.” - THEYRE SUCH BESTIES SHUT UPPPP

whore-derve— - the way i stopped mid-tea-sip

You angle your body from Richie to her, deadpanning. “Just because you went to the fuckin’ FBI or whatever the fuck—” - LMAOOO the chip and richie tag team we love to see it

Carmen did your prep entirely himself. - i’m gonna fucking sob???? YOU CANT JUST DROP THIS ON ME I-

So no one else could’ve left the simple braised beef sandwich on your station. […] Your order at The Beef. - HE IS THE CUTEST EVER. did he actually do something wrong? i seem to have forgotten -

He nods, like he understands, walking away - me even when i haven’t gotten a fucking clue about what they actually wanted me to do

“Insane thing to say about your five-year-old.” - indeed it is. though hilarious. this chapter is lighter, more banter, which is nice

Yeah. They had lavender and maple syrup behind the bar. - SHUT UPPPPP I LOVE THEM I MISS THEM SOMMUCH THEYRE EVERYTHING TO ME GGFFHHHHFHFHD

“Aye aye, Chippy.” - so cute. chippy could be a pirate name

Still failed Mikey, no matter how hard you tried. - stop it 🗞️💥

this chapter is making me really miss being on bar

You really need to start telling people you don’t know how to make bellinis. - Chippy let me get on bar with you, i’ll make all the bellinis for you (even tho i hate opening champagne bottles)

“Tiny quiche?”- richie i love you i love you i love you

“Don’t ask. Tell.” - nice

‘couldn’t stop him lmk if it’s bad’ - IS CARMY COMING :33333

“You need a barback?” - *see attached pic* he’s EVERYTHING. words cannot begin to express how much i love him. why is he not real i will midsommar myself

like accidentally used half the bottle levels like you. - HES SO CUTE C’MON

You’ll probably miss him for the rest of your life. - clutching my chest

But you know Carmen does it for you. Lights up a room for you - STOP CHOPPING ONIONS (no pun intended)

With haste, Carmen puts the palm of his hand over your mouth - fuck me fuck me fuck me

Oh, he missed being this close to you. - 🥺🥺🥺

You shove it towards him - i’ve missed them so much. also now i want a tiny quiche

what you’d want to do for your own. - with camen😁

ice will shock your nervous system. - ICE CHIPS BABYYYY

“I owe you an apology—” - LMAOOOO HE THOUGHT-

Fak does. - oh god this will be something

“but y’know, I can handle myself, Carmen.” - oh my lord is he gonna apologize for the fixing oven thing 💀💀

“Oh, come on, you haven’t shown up at The Bear since last Friday—” - oh he thinks- ,,, onion this is glorious

the way time literally stopped, when you left. When he made you leave.- YOURE SUCH A TALENTED WRITER FUCK OFF

And obviously Carmen could tell, so he stopped calling you. Trying to be a true bro - IQBDIEHEIHEIEISJSKAKAJSHDUSJJSJS

“Between us.” What. - oh fak oh nononononono. i wonder that carmen will think about this😁

“Fuckin’ cool it, Fak.” Carmen barks, in tandem with you. - i love her guard dog :3

“…Was that anything—” - CARMEN HOW DUMB ARE YOU

“Yeah. Hi, Uncle Lee.” - OH FUCK THIS DUDE (uncle lee that is)

Pulling the drink away from his hand - LMAO as she should😌😌

“Ah… I see, friend, ya did a little—” He taps the side of his nose, sniffing. - i would’ve (mentally) fucking jumped over the bar counter and had his ass

junkie hands - GET HIS ASS CHIPPY

There’s a pile of forks behind your bar, that you’d asked Richie for, just in case this situation came to a head - LMFAO NOT THE FORKS

Carmen’s the only one that flinches, immediately rearing his own fist back - AYO WOULD HE FIGHT FOR HER?

“Yessir.” - she’s so funny, i love her

If I see you outside, I’m taking you to the fucking pavement, and I’m not getting off. - i love her so much, i want to kiss her

“You’re a real fuckin’ bi—” A fork flies over his shoulder, clattering behind him. Not from you, from Carmen. - BABYBOYYYYY I LOVEEEEEEEE YOUUUUUUUUUU

“Alright, Donna.” - PAVEMENT, NOW

“Black lavender latte. Cognac n’ coffee liqueur. If it’s too strong, let me know, I can add more milk.” - i’m crying again, i love them so muchh

You’re overjoyed at the verbal confirmation he drank it. - the way they mirror each other owns my entire being and i will not accept anyone else for him in any season of The Bear ever

“Needed yours.” - Baueidnrirjejejdudhshd !!!!!!!!! i know i’m forgiving him way too easily but hello!! when he acts like this how can i not fold

i had to stop the chapter here bc chores and oh my god???? i will think about this until i can read it again

caught; but then he looks at your face, and he knows he has nothing to be worried about. - the way she makes people feel safe IS JUST SO 🥹🥹🥹 there are tears of softness in my eyes

You defend everyone but you. - REAL. which is why carmen going off on her was so much sadder because he just confirmed all her worst thoughts about herself

and he knows it’ll be too much, for him or you - this is so interesting because i really can’t tell wether she struggled with addiction herself or if it’s just from supporting mikey

“None of my business.” He sniffs, awkwardly. “Unless you want it to be.” - THEY’RE SO SIMILAR

“No.” The reply is instant. - :’)))))))))

This is when he looks embarrassed, just slightly. - OH?👀👀👀

‘Who said?’ - Squid is so funny

It’s a built-in habit for you, to hand your fork to Carmen. - them sharing cutlery will always be one of the cutest things ever

“Just wanted to make sure you got dessert, over here.” Just wanted to make sure you ate something. - THEY’RE ALL SO CUTE AND CARING STOP MY HEART

Carmen shrugs, smiling, “Are you tryna get fucked up at work, Chef?” - they’re all so cute with each other, it makes me feel so warm and fuzzy

If things were normal you could just eat off each other's plates. - i miss that time. gotta do a re-read for sure

“Ey, sorry everyone, we’re just gonna take a quick thirty, alright? Union mandated.” - HE IS SUCH A SWEETHEART CMON

“I’d ride for you.” - i’d do anything for them

“I lo— I like you, so much - HOLD UP- HOW ARE WE JUST SKIPPING PAST THIS. SHE WAS THINKING HOW LONG IT PROBABLY TAKES HIM TO SAY THE L-WORD AND IT WAS ABOUT TO SLIP OUT OF HIM AFTER KNOWING HER A FEW WEEKS LIKE CMON NOW SOULMATES

Carmen does not wish to be anywhere else. - them, just THEM

“You don’t owe me shit.” “I’m paying back a Berzatto, somehow.” - somehow they’re both me

“I was in his work cabinet, I think Richie was in his bedside, you and Sug were in his wallet.” - THATS SO🥺🥺🥺

You let him go, though you don’t particularly want to. - they’re both just so <3

You jump, your head hits the bottom of the base of the bar’s sink. - me constantly hurting myself on accident

“Carmy, babydoll, are you fucking insane?” - BABYDOLL

“How old do you think I am?” - LMFAOOOO the shade on mikey’s age suidhejdej

Would’ve said you’re getting sloppy seconds or call me a fuckin’ homie hopper - HOMIE HOPPER MADE IT YESSIRRRR

Need something to do with your hands. - MIRROR

Joint bank account. It was partially your money, technically. - THE MONEY SHE OWES. WOW WE’RE LEARNING EVERYTHING IN THIS CHAPTER

“Since when does Richie give a fuck about personal?” - real but i’m proud of him

“Sobriety chip.” - WE BEEN SAYING. okay yes i’ve said a lot of other shit but!!

attachment*

ALRIGHT MY POPCORN LET'S FUCKIN POP IN LETS GO THIS TOOK ME SO LONG TO GET TO THANK YOU FOR BEING PATIENT AS ALWAYS

We're doing list format let's fuckin GO

I love hunting for screencaps, this one I felt like would be a little clickbaity because he's on the phone and these mother fuckers. do not call each other. BUT THE VIBE? LIKE THE VIBE? IT'S THERE

THE LOCATIONNNN!!! We may never know. Well we'll probably eventually know. It might not ever be brought up in canon because I may well forget but if you ask I'll tell.

EVA DREW A PICTURE OF HER!! We will eventually get into their dynamic but I think Chip just gives major cool gay aunt vibes. Her aura.

SO MUCH SQUIDINK IN THIS CHAPTER. The SHOULDER. the WHAT ARE WE. the GAY DEODORANT.

funny thing about cufflinks,,,, Truly though while writing I was like awe man :(( they could've had a cute moment if they weren't fighting. Carm/Tony honestly might've ended up being the ones splitting the one bed for the economy if they weren't fighting. SON OF A BITCH!!! At least in lieu of them we just got A Lot Of Squid time

THE DIRTY DETAILS AND THAT WHOLE ROADTRIP WENT UNTALKED ABOUT BECAUSE I HONESTLY DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT YET LMAOOOO. I was like listen I know the rough gist I will figure it out later. And thank god I did because I did end up making a couple pivots from what I had originally planned. you will see.

Chip and Richie dogging on someone-- Anyone-- Together, always makes me the most happy. Like the Ratatouille moment from Zero Pulse and the CIA moment from Something to Do,,, I just love to see these bitches YAP at people like small dogs.

I love seeing and being able to tell exactly who's worked in service because everyone that has has IMMEDIATELY fucking folded upon reading Carmen did the sidework and made food.

I don't think anyone expected this chapter to be as light as it is-- Or at least as light as it starts. I think that's just the way of the Chip really, she brings ease even to the reader,,,,, ahhh my heart... my baby...

When I first made the lavender coffee in chap 2 I really didn't realize I was gonna keep fucking bringing it up. and now it's all I yap about. Carmen just gives a lavender coffee vibe yknow?

THIS CHAPTER MAKES YOU MISS BEING ON BAR??!?!?!?! You know what i get it, over an office job, there's something about the franticness that does feel like. cocaine.

TINY QUICHE!! I wish I was creative enough to think about more whore derves but I was really set on tiny quiches

You need a barback? - a man whos about to roll a boulder up a hill for the rest of his life and be content about it. He's also gonna smell like you the whole time, at least.

WHO IS CHOPPING ME!!!!!!!! It was wrenching to write Tony essentially already starting the grieving process of their relationship. like she very much prepared for it to be so jover in her head. hell. hell. hell.

FUCK MEDFGKJFG-- I think I did do a coin flip on whether he'd do the hand thing. Because it is funny. And also kind of hot. But he tends to just let people yell. but it's A WEDDING. And the yes or no wheel decided for me so listen if you ever think i make an out of character choice blame it on the wheel. the wheel probably did that. i've never made a wrong characterization ever in my life actually

The whole I owe you an apology-- I loved because I was basically just doing this bit over again:

Tumblr does not let you do lists starting at a higher number so we're STARTING OVER. FAK!! I think I only planned for this convo to happen when I wrote their little moment in Zero Pulse. It paid off in dividends, I'm so happy with it.

TIME STOPPEDEEDEDED-- Thank you hehehe. I wonder if we'll learn more about that moment latter,,,,,,,,,, probably nottt,,,,, hehehehehehe-- oh uncle lee's here look at that!!

SHE'D DIEEE BEFORE SHE SERVES THAT MOTHERFUCKER SHE CAME IN KNOWING SHE'D GET HIS ASS. I love my Chippy.

The amount of shock I have seen at Carmen getting ready to punch his Not Uncle has me offended on his behalf. OF COURSE HE'D FIGHT BACK COME ON!!!

I love watching these two acts of service motherfuckers try to out acts of service each other, basically. sex is gonna be insane what? i didn't say anything. talk about mirroring each other WHAT?

ah, the whole scene with the unnamed man, muah. i kiss them both. my two darlings. it made Just Dropped feel even worse though jesus CHRIST . (modern day saviour)

I have spent too long gigglin over every point you made so i'm going to SPEED UP STARTING NOW!! New chapter is absolutely not coming out tonight but if I get far enough in my asks, maybe early tommorow? We'll see. Anyways.

Marcus and Chip have rare moments but when they do they make me very happy. tryna get fucked up at work? It's very important to me, that Carmen fucking relaxes, in this chapter. It just makes me very happy that he lets people do their thing because he realizes they're fucking competent.

i fully went back to read old chapters when i got too sad. these motherfuckers are SO in their sad era I cannot wait to dig our way out of it like I WANNA GO HOME BITCCHEEESS ,,, CAN WE LEAVE THIS IN NEW YORK PLEASSEEE

i have yet to see anyone except you really yell at me about that almost love slip. maybe it's cause everyone thinks it's unrealistic but i do think while he's not ready to verbalize it, the trauma bond is too strong to not feel a type of way, yknow?

AS YOU SAID: THEM. This was very much my season 2 under the table scene. Loved writing this one. BABYDOLL!! BABY BOYYY

The how old do you think I am came from a very real place because when I looked up Michael's age and saw 43 i was JUST STARING LIKE WHHUUHH??? I was considering doing a little one sided crush action-- But these two have a full driver's license having TEEN BETWEEN THEM-- IT'S A NO, IT'S A NO FROM MIKEY AND ME DOG, But at least homie hopper made it!!!

So much lore dumping in one chapter-- If Carmen just waited two seconds he could've read it all in this chapter instead of having that fight smh

"WE BEEN SAYING" WHEN IN THE SAME ASK YOU SAID ICE CHIPS LDFKSFDNLS but yes, you did in fact be saying. that cannot be denied. YOU CAUGHT ME!!!

as always thank you so much for your thoughts i love u UNTIL NEXT TIME I HAVE TO GO WILL I BE BACK? probably but I really shouldn't i should really get ready for work tommorow and get a full nights sleep. but. but. answering asks,,,,, this is my hell

#yapping #ask #extensive yapping #popcornpoppin

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tharkilm · 2 years ago

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Awww the boys response to the first time is so sweet 🥺 can i have the same boys response to learning that their relationship with their partner, is their partner's first relationship?

Lilac: You were enjoying cuddling in bed whilst the hailing of rain trailed against the window outside when you told him this. Lilac wasn’t new to relationships, he’d tried it out once or twice, back before…

�� Why him? He’s holding onto you tightly, but his mind is spiralling and yet your hand cradling the back of his skull feels so nice, and he’s… You could have had anyone you want, and yet you’re determined in your scolding when you tell him to stop talking about himself like that. You chose him because you love him, and him only. He finds that hard to believe, but… He’ll try.

He loves you, after all.

Orion: He’s ecstatic. You’ve never been with anyone else than him before? In a way, that’s almost a little sad, seeing as he’s not the best guy out there, but he’d be damned if he let you go now. No one else has seen you like this before, this… this sweetness that you only reserve for him. He’s intent on never letting anyone come this near you now.

There is a chance of him displaying jealous signs after learning about this, though. With him being the first, he realises that there is a chance that you might notice that you can do better, and so, he becomes afraid and territorial of those who show signs of interest in you. This won’t become too much of a problem, for as long as you remind – and show him – how much you love him.

Grim: Really? He’s your first? Well, aren’t you just the luckiest person in the world, catching the love and affection of the grim reaper himself, and at your first try too! Jokes aside, Grim finds this information incredibly fascinating, and to some extent, assuring. There is no one for you to miss, to compare him against should you feel nostalgic on lonely nights. He cannot always be there for you, being that his work is quite demanding, but it calms him to know that he doesn’t have to compete against past lovers.

The hidden obsession, the jealousy, and the need to possess you; become more hidden still. After all, all he must do now is to keep an eye out on pesky humans and monsters who might dare their luck in winning your affection whenever he’s not nearby (he’s never fully gone. He’s a God, he can see all, if he wishes it), and once he returns to your warm arms, he’ll shower you with his love, and perhaps act a little silly to make you laugh, too. He revels in hearing your laughter.

Charm: Oh, sugar, he feels so honoured, being the very first to give you a taste of an intimate relationship? Why, he’s feeling a little shy just now! Truly, he hopes and wishes that you two will remain forever; he loves you so dearly, after all. And with him being your first, he’ll make sure that you truly understand and feel what a deep and connected relationship really is. Sure, he’s influenced by the lust serum and are always in heat, but that doesn’t mean he cannot be a hopeless romantic if he wants to; plus, he’s not going to brag, but he’s pretty good at both talking and listening about deep topics.

A part of him is worried about messing up, but you’d probably notice that fairly quickly, and you two will have a long evening – turning night – where you talk about it all. It makes him feel better, and he’ll reward you for sitting and listening to him for so long with a bombardment of kisses. He wants to cuddle until you both fall asleep now.

#tharkilm writes #tharkilm ask #utmv #dusttale #horrortale #reapertale #underlust #dust sans #horror sans #reaper sans #lust sans #rainbowut

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theood · 2 years ago

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No one prompted this but I wanted to talk MORE about my fl oc, Larkin Colt. So, I'm using @ahoy-hoyy's questions! Under a cut because I'm answering all of them on my own ^_^.

🦇 What is your OC’s Ambition, and have they achieved it?

Larkin's ambition was Light Fingers. He has achieved it, at a great cost. Larkin has a False Star of his very own, but he misses his child. He didn't want a child, but, in the midst of Parabola, when the child was still a babe, Larkin held him, and the attachment was quick.

Sometimes, Larkin just cries. He thinks how he could have done better. For the child, for his crew, for Clarabelle.

He still feels responsible. For everything bad that took place. Larkin doesn't like to talk about it, but... the orphanage and what he did still clings to him.

If he could though... oh. He would let out his anger onto Mr. Fires. That damn bat started it. It was his fault. And Poor Edward? Larkin cannot hear the name without snapping.

🗻Was your character born in the Neath; if so, how old are they? If not, why did they go there and how long have they been there?

Larkin was not born in the Neath! He was born on the surface, away from London entirely. He came to the Neath when he was hearing tantalizing rumors of a heist to end all heists. Something that would have him set for life, he just had to look into it.

Now, he's been in the Neath for at least 5 years. And my, what a wild time it's been. Still so new to the Neath if you ask some and yet... he feels as though he's been there longer.

(While I view Larkin as being in the Neath longer, I have been playing for 3 years! His character however easily fit into a role of someone who'd been in the Neath longer!)

📷 Share a picrew of your choice featuring your OC’s design! Actually, here's older art I drew of Larkin!

His design hasn't changed much. I always wanted him to have darker clothing. Red with golden accents. His outfit is supposed to be a black dress shirt (sleeves rolled up), red vest, slacks and or dress pants, a brass ring on his left hand, and a few various pins to symbolise various things. (At the time it was merely a bee pin).

I'd like to redo his outfit now, to incorporate more devil motifs as it's important to his character. This is afterall an older drawing. His cosmogone glasses aren't even here!

⚓️ Which faction is your OC closest to?

If it isn't already obvious from the bee pin, and the colors he wears, and the scar on his wrist, Larkin is closest to The Devils. This wasn't a hard decision from Larkin. Ever since he first came to the Neath, as a young man he found himself drawn to the Devils and their charms.

While many in London speak ill, or warn those of the Devils, Larkin either didn't hear or chose not too.

Larkin pledged his alliance very quickly. His closeness with the Devils has made more than one Londoner uncomfortable around him. Larkin does not take it personally. The Devils now have started to welcome him with smiles.

♟️ Is there a faction they are totally at odds with?

While many can say Londoners do not care for them, Larkin constantly finds himself sneering at The Constables, has a personal distaste for The Church, and Society depsite seeming to do well enough around them.

• The Constables: Larkin isn't one to follow the law. And since coming to the Neath he's only gotten better at criminal activities.

Larkin does not favor the Constables or their reign. Given the chance, he will lead them on wild chases that lead nowhere, or hinder them.

🗡️ What is their profession? Are they satisfied with it?

• The Church: When one is close to Hell, to Devils, of course he isn't going to be attending church on Sundays.

Personally, Larkin cannot entirely understand how religion continues on in the Neath. And while he can hold his tongue, he will not hesitate to voice his own opinions.

• Society: This is more personal, a learned dislike. Some of higher society like Larkin, but it depends on how they personally feel towards devils, or the matters of Hell.

🌹 Are they currently courting anyone? Or trying to?

Larkin is a glassman Silverer. Addressed ad such and everything.

Larkin is... the Parabola holds both good and bad. With a few days of talk from his devilish friends, Larkin become one for them. He's gathering what he can on The Fingerkings to aid the Devils.

And, it pays fine. The travels through mirriors almost came natural, and it feels like he was meant too but it doesn't mean Larkin enjoys it.

At times, the Parabola seems to drag him further into it, and he loses time.

He wouldn't change professions though. No matter what.

Also, worth mentioning, he is trained to be a Spirifer. He handles souls well, but never for his own personal gain. Always traded back to a devil.

No. Larkin, despite being in London for a while has not courted anyone. At a time though, there was a devil. If you get close enough, he may just let slip he still loves that devil.

🦑 Are they human?

Yes! Larkin is human. As human as someone who's become soulless can be.

☀️ If given the choice to return to the surface, would they?

🥼 Does your OC have a favorite in-game clothing item?

Oh, how Larkin longs to feel the warmth of the sun. To see the real stars, to feel grass, breath air that doesn't feel weighted.

But he cannot. Unless someone could offer him the thing he cannot afford. Larkin has died too many times in the city. He cannot ever return home.

And... even if he could. How could he leave his child? He would need someone to tell him it is okay.

Yes! His brass ring. He wears it always. To show his allegiance to the devils.

🌊 Have they been to Zee with their own ship?

🔥 Which menace causes the most problems for them? Which menace causes the least amount of problems for them?

Many times! Larkin, though he may not seem the type actually owns a Majestic Pleasure Yacht!

Larkin is not a captain though. And while he does fine at Zee, he doesn't feel at ease.

🎩 What clubs are your OC associated with?

Larkin is often plagued by Nightmares, and Scandal.

The nightmares are a natural occurrence for Londoners, but Larkin tends to wear himself thin, and often finds himself dreaming more frequently. He also just seems to find nightmareish things.

As for Scandal, well, *gestures*. He is a criminal, and not all too happy to confirm to society.

Depsite the criminal background, Larkin doesn't garner much Suspicion! Perhaps it's because he's better at thievery, and being unseen, or it's the connections but he often doesn't need to hide away.

At the moment, it's the Dilmun club. Larkin isn't much into clubs.

🛤️ Which one are you focusing on developing more than the other/s?

Larkin, as evident by all these answers. I do have another oc. Two, actually. Icarus Swallowfern, a not-so-human seeker, and Mr. Devilbone. A Master Of The Bazaar who deals in Souls and other infernal goods. Runs a shop frequented by devils and often those who come trying to learn more than they should really know.

🎟️ Have they written anything for the Shuttered Palace’s court?

Oh absolutely not. Larkin does not have the time or patience! He has much better things to do. And ugh, being kicked out was so not worth the hassle to get back in. Why bother?

🍏 Free Space: Ask Any Question

I'm going to use this to talk about Larkin's attachment to the city, and how he proceeds around London.

Larkin never meant to grow attached to tge city. But between thr Devils, and his ambition and many other things he has.

He never meant to stay, either. He was supposed to steal this diamond. But a month turned into 3, into a year into... death. Again and again. And his soul, and Clarabelle. Oh god, Clarabelle. His false child.

Larkin is tied to the city. For better or for worse. And oftentimes, Larkin feels incredibly alone. He fears for the future he most certainly doesn't have. The devils like him but... he isn't entirely stupid. More often he is used as a vessel for information, not viewed as a friend. Larkin cannot count true friends on two hands.

This brings me to his relationship with Mr. Fires. Larkin cares little about The Masters of The Bazaar, or what they do. He is not above stealing from the Bazaar or working to be an annoyance at best to them.

However, Mr. Fires? See, Mr. Fires claims to love the city. For that reason you'd think Larkin would take interest in Fires. But, he can't connect.

Larkin holds a grudge. A long standing one, for Fires involvement with his child. Larkin wnats to see Fires as something to look to for hope? safety? He doesn't know what, but Fires cannot provide it.

And because Larkin doesn't forgive, and because of Poor Edward, Larkin would rather kill Fires, than to negotiate. Let Mr. Fires feel his pain, the suffering he shouldered.

Larkin teeters often. Logically, Fires is not the only thing keeping the city alive. But Larkin knows unlike others, Fires doesn't want another city.

In the end, Larkin can only hope that maybe someone will remember him, when his time comes. Or that maybe, maybe, the Devils weren't lying and he does have a place with them, and he'll be okay.

#fallen london #fallen london oc #Larkin Colt #His ''relationship'' with Fires is entirely like one sided. It's moreso a man struggling with guilt and trauma looking to dump it off on #soemone other than himself so he doesn't need to think about it. Fires doesn't know Larkin. Tell Mr. Fires about a Larkin Colt and you'll g #et at best a confused 'who?' or a much more annoyed Fires for being interrupted #But I do think the parallel of Larkin wanting to like Fires for keeping the city alive vs Larkin wanting to kill Fires is #good. To Me. TO ME! There is so much I wAnna say on it but I don't have the words!!! But it's in my head #Anyway this is SO much info. I had fun ^_^. Futher questions totally encouraged if anyone reads this

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msfbgraves · 1 year ago

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In Knights and Pawns, would Daniel have been better off and happier with Kumiko over Terry? I guess I am biased, as I am obviously a Silverusso fan (yes, even when Terry is at his worst) and a Damanda and Danzen fan…so reading about Daniel still having a thing for Kumiko rubs me the wrong way since I always found her annoying. (That’s just a personal hot take—I am a fan of your fic!!) But from reading the fic, Daniel seems to come across as sometimes never having gotten over her, and almost liking her more than Terry. Or maybe it’s because he and Terry are in a bad spot at the moment? Do you think that Daniel would have preferred to be a father to Kumiko’s puppies vs. being mama to Terry’s? Would Daniel, given the choice, choose Kumiko over Terry? Or would he still choose Terry, regardless of pups or not? Sometimes it feels—so ironically—that Terry, despite his truly heinous actions, loves Daniel more than Daniel loves him.

I think Daniel would be hurt by your observations, Nonnie, if you're not completely wrong. Consider, though. He poured everything he had into Terry. A man who he's never not feared, at least a little, a man who made him his against his will. Yes, he chose this to save his people's lives, most of all his siblings, and given how much the death of even one sibling still resonates with Terry, how it influenced his family, I am asking the readers not to forget what that means. Daniel is one on one the reason why Louie and Nessa are even alive, why Lucille hasn't had more loss, why his Pop has two more beautiful grandpups by Louie and Anoush. And now, he's helping Michael get married to Appollonia. If Daniel hated Terry's guts for all eternity, he would still be a hero in my book. But don't you think that would make a young man dream about another, freer, more innocent kind of love? Would it have been better, two omegas alone? No it would have been excruciatingly hard in a different way and Kumiko decided against it. But that's not the feeling Daniel remembers, he remembers passion in a safe cocoon, remembers love for its own sake. Terry is competing with a memory, a symbol of freedom.

And yet: "I've never loved like that again", of course not! I always laugh a little at the line: "Nobody will love you like I do." Everyone is unique. Every love is unique. He can't love Kumiko like he loves Terry, like he would have come to love Chozen if he'd formed a throuple with Kumiko. Daniel can have 27 types of love next to each other and it wouldn't matter to him. He'd love, and be warmed by it, and love in return. Terry is, in true Alpha fashion, the obsessive one. Terry's love is extremely focused. And Daniel's love isn't shallow. He's in there, he loves him. Amanda being so much like Terry makes him love her nearly as hard! He loves her for being like Terry, for loving Terry, she hasn't hurt him, which is a plus. She's family and he loves her. Also, the bit about how he's crying with how much he misses Terry? That's not an act.

Kumiko is one love and it hasn't gone away. Terry is another and he loves him so much it hurts. It's a very sharp love they share, or it can be. And Terry is the one making it hard. And Daniel would be a mess if Terry left, he's grown around him so much, he's his rock. But he's dangerous. Kumiko wasn't dangerous. But Daniel would even be a mess if Michael died and he's always feared him.

Daniel is simply a person who cannot understand why, if you feel love for one person, you should not feel another kind of love for another person. He can't fathom why they should have to compete. Does Terry love him more than Daniel loves him back? Maybe? No? Daniel would be a mess with Terry gone. He is a mess. He could move in with Kumiko and Chozen this second and he'd ache for him. It's not a competition. Mix in the fact that he misses his babies like air and he hasn't seen his sister in two years and can we please give this sweetheart a break he's nearly imploding.

Would that he loved everyone a little less!

#silverusso #knights and pawns #daniel larusso #omegaverse

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intentionalish · 2 years ago

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02 | Fear

Fear is a feeling. Danger is real.

The other day, I heard this story of a Men’s Collegiate Volleyball Team that was about to play a championship game. On the day of the big game, one of their players did not show up. The referee allowed the team 20 minutes to find their last player, but to no avail, nobody knew where he was, which meant the team had to forfeit the match. The next day, the entire team confronted him and asked why he did not show up to their game, to which he answered, “I was so afraid that I would not play well, so I chose to not show up at all.”

Former pro athlete and current author, Lewis Howes, writes about three different types of fear in his book, “The Greatness Mindset: Unlock the Power of Your Mind and Live Your Best Life Today.”

Fear of Failure

Fear of Judgment

Fear of Success

I fear all three, but the main distinction with my situation is that my own opinion is the only one that affects me. My mind constructs this idea that fear is the appropriate response to any of my feelings.

I fear failure because I do not want to let myself down. I have this idea in my head that I need to be a provider to my family…a caring brother to my sibling…a devoted son to my parents…a leader at work…an example to my peers. I fear that if I miss a step or make a mistake along the way, then I will appear to be even one centimeter less than any of those symbols I long to be for others. My fear of failure is so strong that I would rather stay stagnant than risk letting myself down - I would rather not show up than risk my being the reason why we lost the game.

I fear judgment because I care so much about showing up for the people I care about. The judgment that I put upon myself is probably 1000x of the judgment others might have on me.

I fear success because I fear no amount of measurable success will be enough. If I won the $100 million PowerBall Lottery, then that $101 millionth dollar would keep me up at night. I fear that success is something unattainable for me, as I have already accomplished goals I sought to years ago, but I find myself craving more.

I often wonder where this fear came from. I have always approached every new scenario with hesitation, but at what point did that hesitation transform into full blown fear? I have always had the ability to understand the repercussions of every situation before entering it, but at what point did that mindset transition to overthinking? I literally cannot pinpoint the last time that I did anything without first overthinking it first. Even something as similar as what I wear everyday weighs heavy on my mind despite me decluttering my wardrobe to about 100 or so items less than I had three years ago…at least I lived back then. I may have had a closet full of clothes, and a storage room worth of shoes, but at least I wasn’t afraid. Nowadays, if I even purchase a pair of socks that I actually need (because I had to dispose of a different pair due to holes), I fear that as well.

I fear failure. What if this pair of $4.99 socks does not last me as long as it should before I need to replace it?

I fear judgment. What if this pair of $4.99 socks does not match with the one pair of shoes that I wear only for special occasions? Then, I will have misrepresented myself as the intentional minimalist I claim to be.

I fear success. What if this pair of $4.99 socks becomes my favorite pair of socks? Replacing it will be almost impossible if this specific pair is discontinued.

Even writing all of this, I feel as though these feelings are unreasonable, and yet they really are not. I know I’m not the only one. Fear may be a feeling, but it has to be the most crippling feeling in the history of existence. The vision of people who live their lives day-to-day with a carefree insouciance is something that I so long for, and yet it eludes me every second of every day.

#minimalism #intentionalism

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jeskoholic · 2 years ago

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A Little Piece of You Chapter 11: Truth Among Lies

This is a chapter from an on-going series. If you missed out on the previous entries, you can check my masterlist.

Previous Chapter: Sizzling Hot

Word count: 4,007

Tags: M OC x (G) I-DLE Soyeon, University, Angst, Struggle (?)

Enjoy!

Getting my top blown off in front of my newfound friends was possibly one of the worst things I could do, and in just one lunch break I did exactly that. I was so numb and triggered at everything that escaped Hongseok’s mouth that I just flat out lost all sense of self-control and got angry at him. Now that I look back at it, I felt so stupid doing that. I never should have let him get to my head because I know that he’s just trying to find an answer from me regardless of how stupid it was, and I did all of that in front of Ningning too. It would have been better if it were either Kyungsoo, Dawn, Shinwon, Kino, or even Soyeon that saw me emotional like that… allowing myself to crumble apart in front of them two was absurd. I felt so disappointed with myself.

I should have just let it slide. Remembering things that happened during high school and associating them with the things that are happening now is not the most optimal way to go. It’s worse when my past traumas are starting to affect the way I look at things in the present. The end result was Ningning chose to be the driver by introducing a different topic, yet I could tell that they were being careful about their words around me. I hope that they didn’t think of me differently; this was even the first time I am spending time with Hongseok and now I blew it on the first chance I ever got. He was even nice enough to order and pay for my shake…

No matter how much I try to keep myself away from the thought of what happened, I cannot deny though that Hongseok had a valid point in his query. Maybe I was just overthinking about things. I was so busy on proving my point to him that what I thought was actually the right thing. My pride was being stepped on and my first action was to retaliate, which is so stupid and borderline childish.

I spent the afternoon away from them for the best interests of everyone else. I would go far as to say that I temporarily separated my links from them and went to the place that I deem would seclude me from each and every single one of them: the university library. I was sure that not even a single one of them would think to go up there. At least, I could have a couple of minutes to myself while I reflect on my actions; at the same time attempting to keep the issue down. However, as I sat down and wait for the hours to pass, I could still hear the thoughts swirling in my head. It was like I was debating against an invisible Hongseok as I attempt to keep my point across.

I still don’t understand why I should really do things in response to Soyeon’s advances. I just don’t get it. I would feel like if I would do that, I’ll unintentionally force myself onto a situation, a relationship, which I didn’t even want in the beginning. Soyeon’s no doubt a talented and amazing person not to mention beautiful, but I can’t deny that she has her traits that are not… compatible with me, exactly. Seeing red flags like that are things that I do not want to blatantly ignore just because of her reputation. In the end, I would be in a relationship with her heart and not her face or her fame. The fact that she’s a part of this newfound ‘squad’ enticed another series of fears in my head because either way, it was a loss either way. If I chose what I believe was right, or if I choose a decision favourable to her and it would not work out, I might cause an unintentional rift at the group.

Hongseok’s point, on the other hand, felt like a very childish reason and I never was a fan on why he even brought that to the table. I should not let Soyeon go because it’s like a huge privilege to have someone like her develop feelings for me? Does Hongseok think that I’m not worthy of someone with such a huge calibre such as Jeon Soyeon, so I should be flattered that she even confessed that she likes me?

But then again; I can’t blame him because he can only judge us by the surface level. Hongseok, or even the rest of the friend group, had no idea what was going behind the scenes. Soyeon proved herself in many ways that she indeed had feelings for me, but would say that being too erotic is not the love language that I was seeking. I would be a hypocrite if I would not admit that I liked it, but on that level of intimacy, I would have wanted if it was under different circumstances.

I guess it was the one thing that was holding me back against her. Soyeon felt too liberated and open and I’m being too culture shocked with what I’m seeing and experiencing.

Although, I cannot pretend that I’m that much innocent as well. I experience too much skinship from before, on a person I would not even deem thinkable at this day and age.

Maybe it was the reason why I was afraid. I don’t want another relationship to stray close enough or develop into something similar to what happened during the past. From the likes of it, it feels like that’s where Soyeon and I were bound to head to. It might be overthinking like what Hongseok said, but the odds are too much to that direction that I could not just ignore it. The odds were pretty much not on my favour for this one.

I guess… I guess Soyeon had something similar to my past girlfriend… to my first love, if I will. The way that that relationship ended was not exactly pleasant, and maybe it’s the reason why I’m being too protective to myself. I don’t want to get damaged further than how damaged I was before.

Regardless, I think I’m already too old to be dealing with just a fling. I needed to be certain and I need to be arbitrarily serious. At this point with Soyeon, I can definitely say that I’m not.

I could no longer handle the impending anxiety that I was having from within, and so I went off and set my phone to a silent alarm for a few hours, ending on a couple of minutes before my final class with Shinwon even begins. I didn’t even realize that with too much emotion surging with me since that encounter earlier this day, I was still sleep deprived because of that excursion with Soyeon. Somehow exhaustion has caught up to me and now, even with all the delays from home and from this afternoon, I can finally let myself rest and hopefully cancel the stupid mood swing that I have been experiencing even before I share the class with Ko Shinwon.

---4:34 PM, AT THE SCHOOL’S FOUNTAIN---

Yoon Jae-in had woken up to his alarm ten minutes ago and managed to get his face fixed up before the class even begins. He found himself sitting on the small fountain area at the heart of the university, and it was this huge, circular work of water that had concrete benches surrounding its perimeter. It was most commonly known by the students of the university as a past-time place, which is exactly why he was seated there waiting for 5 PM among other students who were perhaps doing the exact same thing.

In Jae-in’s head, it felt like almost every student of North Line had a universal agreement that the watching the waters flow on the fountain and the nearby man-made water fall somehow eases the mind, regardless of the source for stress. It did nothing to help solve the predicament, but it sure did help take the mind off of things even for just a little bit.

Jae-in, however, could only wish that he had brought something to serve music privately to his ears. It would have made the moment infinitely better than it already was. After all, he successfully flushed the encounter the whole Hongseok situation out of his system already, and the small incorporation of even just a couple more hours of sleep eased up his mood to more manageable levels. Somehow electing to isolate him from the other members of the friend group, especially Ningning and Hongseok, helped a lot. Soyeon could have been contacting him at that time but he was too busy with himself to even consider how she was doing.

The approaching twilight was right in the ever-orange skies from above. The time was almost five PM, and almost time for the start of drafting class. Jae-in had just finished gathering his thoughts together and moved to head to the laboratory upstairs when he was approached by a familiar figure coming from the fountain’s right pathway.

A tall and slender frame, hair styled in the usual soft perm, bomber jacket and slim jeans marked the arrival of his classmate and close friend, Ko Shinwon, walking with a huge smirk on his face with a small, pink file case clamped on his grasp. He gave Jae-in a soft wave before proceeding to sit on the space nearby, earning a look of surprise from Yoon Jae-in.

“I had a feeling that you’d be here,” the tall, young man said. “Years of being your friend actually paid off for me now, Jae-in.”

“Why are you positioned like that? Are you not planning to go to class today? It would be waste, considering how close we are already. It’s just up there.”

“Wait, you don’t know? Mr Hwang actually announced something at the university website. He said we can have the day off but made sure to give us something to work on. It’s not due until next weekend, so we have a lot of time to do it.”

“Are you serious?” Jae-in said in slight frustration before sitting beside Shinwon. “I should have gone home and went for a sleep. Staying at the library was a waste of time when I could have slept on a better bed.”

“So that’s where you’ve headed. No wonder everyone else is looking for you at the group. Plus, I think it would be a waste anyway since Mr Hwang posted the announcement thirty minutes ago. It can’t be helped man.”

“Well, at least we can go home earlier now. Do you want to head already?”

Shinwon grinned.

“The first thought was actually to head on off and smoke for the time being, but I guess seeing you here shifted my schedule for a little bit.”

“You’re planning to smoke? I thought you quit that already.”

“Well…. things take some time getting used to being gone. I’m more on… regulating it, if you will. Yeri particularly hates the scent especially afterwards.”

“Oh, that’s… that’s amazing. That’s good for you. It’s nice that you have someone that can help you change. Congratulations on that. I never really got to interact with Yeri, and I do actually want to meet her soon with more conversations.”

Shinwon nodded and then proceeded to shift his position on the bench.

“Actually… I’ll have to cut to the chase. I could easily have gone home but I actually am looking for you. I think that we need to talk.”

“Whoa, that sounded so damn serious all of a sudden,” Jae-in said as he sat beside him. “Are you okay? Is this about Yeri?”

“Well, you know… Jae-in,” he said as he placed his arm on Jae-in’s shoulder as a form of brotherly consignment. “I… I know it may sound nosy of me, but what else is new… I knew about what happened earlier. You and Hongseok had some argument right? It didn’t exactly turn out good, am I correct?”

If anything, Jae-in was not really surprised that he knew. He was more bewildered by the fact that Shinwon was actually the one who went out and talked to him for that as it would usually come the other way around. He was initially expecting the confrontation to not come sooner, and to actually come from Kyungsoo being the ‘introducer’.

“Oh… well I didn’t really … it was not really an argument it’s more of me losing control over my emotions because I’m stupid. I don’t think I can even look straight at Hongseok again after that.”

“Don’t worry man… I’m sure he understands. I was surprised that you’d turn like that in front of Ningning and Hongseok, though. It must have been really serious. They said that it got too intense that Ningning just changed the topic to keep things under control.”

“I’m… I’m glad that she did actually. How did you find out, by the way? Was I too hard that it scattered to the group already?”

“Well no… Ningning knew that we were classmates for the final subject of the day. She was the one who personally asked me to check on you and called it as a favour. She’s really concerned for you, you know.”

Silence broke up between both of them. Jae-in pondered from within him how much Ningning had done for him that day, while Shinwon fell silent because he had no idea what to say afterwards.

“Anyway,” Shinwon continued. “Is it okay for me to ask you what happened? What really ticked you off?”

Jae-in sighed and gathered his courage before venting his frustrations.

“If anything… the argument mostly revolved with my issues. Bottom line is… I really don’t think that I’m ready to get into a relationship just yet, especially on the whole Soyeon situation. The reason why I was so persistent on insisting my point towards Hongseok was because I’m starting to feel pressured with Soyeon’s advances. I can’t do anything to her in return because… I don’t want to keep her hopes up. However, if I would not do anything as well, she’d just think that we’re waiting for something to come yet in the end, there was really nothing. At this point, I just could not keep up that I feel like I’m mentally exhausted keeping whatever was between us up in the air.”

“So what was Hongseok insisting?” Shinwon asked.

“Hongseok kept on telling me that I should give Soyeon a chance. Compared to myself, she’s more likely to get people attracted to her. For Hongseok, it was absurd that I am not even jumping at the first chance of being her guy. I mean, technically speaking, he’s not wrong. Soyeon’s really pretty and not to mention famous, and she has a long line of guys willing to be her boyfriend. She’s right there, waiting for the perfect opportunity to be with me and yet I can’t bring myself to see that we can actually be together. I guess I was just too taken aback when she actually confessed and claimed that she meant it.”

“Does she, though? Keep in mind that she was drunk when she confessed to you. You and I know how she is when she’s drunk, right Jae-in? I would not exactly advise someone to believe what escapes her lips when she’s hazed with alcohol. I know that she’s my friend, but you are too. I’m trying to show you the bigger picture when it comes to Soyeon. Plus, I know her longer before you did, so there’s that.”

“Well if she wasn’t serious with it she wouldn’t have wasted her time talking to me and doing all those advances towards me right? If she wasn’t serious she had all the chances to back out but there she was, still persistent. There are a lot of things that are happening behind the scenes, man. Some are stuff that I do not even want to disclose because it’s too much. With regards to Soyeon, it kinda feels like she’s the one trying to woo me to be honest.”

“That’s fair if you actually feel like the girl. But if that’s the case why argue with Hongseok? What’s holding you back from actually trying your chances with Soyeon?”

Jae-in fell silent and merely stared at the flowing waters of the fountain before him. He knew precisely the answer, yet there was a little bit of a hesitation from his part.

“I… I just dislike the idea that I’m supposed to act back just because she’s doing something you know. That is what I think Hongseok was implying, but to me that is just borderline uncomfortable. That was the fire that ignited my irritation among other things. Sure, I was lacking sleep and all that, but even Hongseok or Ningning had no idea that I have that tendency. I don’t know what else I should tell her. If I’m going to act, I want to do it because I was the one who wanted it, not because the situation is warranting me to do it. Honestly, I don’t even know why I’m making this too much of a big deal. I might just be overthinking because I don’t want to make a move just yet… In light of recent events, I just felt that I was a bit pressured that I can’t keep up and maintain things.”

Shinwon nodded as an awkward silence passed between them both once again. Some of the students that were on the fountain with them have now gone to their respective ways.

“Jae-in… I want to ask you a question. I want you to answer it as solidly and as truthfully as you ever could. Give me a quick answer, and I would encourage you to not even think about it that much. I want an answer from the heart, not from the head; you good with that?”

Why do I get the feeling that I know what he’s about to ask me?

“Go on then. I’ll give you what you want.”

“Do you even like Soyeon?”

“No,” Jae-in mouthed. It was an odd feeling having to admit to it and say it to someone else, once and for all. “I thought I did, but I could not rule out the fact that we were both influence by alcohol when the confessions happened. I think I acted immediately with the situation presented without giving it a fair bit of thought. Now, I can’t put all my eggs in the basket because my heart was never in the basket in the first place.”

“I knew it,” Shinwon said with a nod. “I think I can see why that’s the case.”

“You knew…? How can you say so?”

“Well, I have been your friend ever since we ever stepped foot on our high school, Jae-in. You were the first person that I ever talked to, so our friendship is anchored way back. It goes to say that I have discovered a lot about you during then and in turn, I know how you act to certain degrees. I, for one, know that you are a very ‘all-in’ kind of person. I always got that impression about you. You don’t usually head in first without a thought, but when you do, you make sure that you give more than a hundred per cent. Once you go in, you go in REALLY HARD. I guess that is the reason why you fell so badly when… when you and your high school girlfriend fell apart in the worse possible way ever. Somehow I had a hunch that you and Soyeon would not work out in the long run even if you pursued it because it didn’t feel right.”

“You think so too?”

“Well... yeah. Some things really do ring a bell. Having that too light-spirited of a woman with you is not really your type, as you mentioned before. I kept my mouth shut because I thought that it would end in a couple of days after that, like it was just a one-night deal kind of thing. When things started to get serious, when you two were holding hands together and all that, I got really concerned; my gut was telling me that soon, you’d get tired of her habits given how opposite her interests are with yours.”

I… I was thinking of the same thing. Shinwon, despite teasing me of Soyeon during the past, secretly had a gut feeling that something was wrong. That’s damn good friendship right there.

“I found it funny actually that you feel like the girl between the both of you, because you actually are. Think about it: she’s more outgoing, has more bad habits, and was more of a happy-go –lucky liberated person and here you are, reserved, more composed, and even conservative. You’re like a text-book reserved woman, a maiden, and I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing just because you’re a guy. It actually makes you unique and it separates you from the louder ones.”

“Hey I have my bad habits too don’t discredit that.”

“Yeah but there are things she does that you don’t, right? You haven’t been to a club before, right Jae-in?”

He nodded silently.

“Do you even want to go to a club?”

He shook his head.

“I told you so. In my opinion, that already says a lot. It also helps that you’re the one being pursued.”

Silence, once more.

“Jae-in… you’re a very emotional person. I think you already knew that. You’re probably the softest, most kind-hearted person in our entire friend group, which is why you’re sometimes getting trampled on by people who have a higher social score than you. I would include myself in that. Regardless, what I’m trying to say is that… listen to what your heart is telling you. Set aside the courtesy you’re reserving for Soyeon and reserve that for yourself, because if you really don’t like her, it’s better to end it now that in the long run. It would be easier for both of you and she would soon understand.”

“You’re… you’re right… I should have thought of this sooner. I was so naïve that maybe I’ll have a reason to… to pull it off. I should have done it earlier.”

“Come on… you don’t need one shit bag like me to tell you what to do now, right? You’re freaking Yoon Jae-in!”

“You did well to make me remember it. Thank you. I promise that one of these days, I’ll have to atone for my responsibilities. I’ll tell Soyeon the truth and face whatever goes after it. I have a feeling that it would not be pretty.”

Shinwon tapped his shoulder as a brotherly gesture.

“That’s the spirit, mate. I’ll be supporting you until the very end. Whatever happens, know that I’m by your side than Soyeon’s. In this instance, I know that you’re doing the right thing.”

“I will. I’ll do that for the sake of everyone as well.”

Shinwon finally stood up and gave some stretching. Jae-in followed suit, but before they could both even walk out of the fountain’s premises, he was stopped once again by the voice of the taller Shinwon.

“You know what, regardless if what happens, we’ll be here in case you’re in for a drink. I’d rather share a table with you because you chose to do what’s right than to lull in a depressing drinking session because Soyeon broke your heart. Don’t let what happened to you in high school happen again with Soyeon, okay?”

“What do you mean? What does high school have to do with this?”

“All I’m saying is: be careful. You don’t want this whole Soyeon situation to turn into another Wonyoung now, do you?”

#gidle soyeon #pentagon shinwon #jang wonyoung #ive wonyoung #kpop fanfic #kpop series #a little piece of you

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sayruq · 2 years ago

Note

So, I just finished watching episode 10 of HoTD and I swear I was so bored for like 55 minutes of the whole ride, the only moment I was actually paying attention was when Aemond was on screen and the only emotion I had was me cackling at Aemond's tectonic "OH SHIT" face when Grandma Vhagar did her war crime.

I cannot believe that this is meant to be a challenger to the brilliance that is RoP, which had me at the edge of my seat from start to finish at every episode. Like, miss me with this failed Targ shit, the writers are so clearly not getting it.

Rings of Power writers care so much about their characters and they committ to the story they're telling, nothing is half assed. They want us to be attached to the characters and they work hard to make sure that we do and that hard work paid off. Look at how well received their finale is compared to this one. Ep 6 brought several characters together and not only did it feel like a big deal, the episode itself was tense, heartbreaking, dark and filled with more morally grey characters than HOTD. Adar>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Daemon. RoP was not scared to have Galadriel promise genocide nor did it ignore what that says about her. HOTD won't even let Rhaenyra express murderous intent after she was usurped and her son killed. She just stares into the camera.

I read the leaks so I knew what was coming and that usually doesn't detract from my enjoyment of a show because I love spoilers but even I was counting down the minutes to Aemond. It felt like an ordinary filler episode. Things happen without urgency or tension and not once did I feel like I couldn't wait to see how other characters will react to the new plot developments except Aemond's scene (he really is the MVP of the show). It didn't feel like the beginning of a new catastrophic war.

This show doesn't understand how to pick it's scenes. Instead of a very long miscarriage and body preparation scene, we could have spent more time on Rhaenyra's anger at being usurped, her fear of what it means for her children and her grief at her father's death because she barely reacted to that. There should have been only one Black Council scene after her coronation where we get

Team Black talking about their allies and Team Green's allies and you know strategizing

Rhaenys and Corlys slowly changing their minds about Rhaenyra (the show given reason why they chose her is very stupid because even the Greens want peace but whatever) as they watch her handle herself

Daemon trying to wrest control from Rhaenyra. You can even have him start the Council without her to show his eagerness for war. Instead of him standing around the table talking about the island's defenses, we should see him attending to that, ignoring her while she's in pain

Rhaenyra resisting it because of the prophecy which she doesn't talks about just yet. We should see people constantly pushing her to declare war and attack King's Landing and Rhaenyra standing her ground

Plans are made to send Jace and Luke to act as messengers

Instead of war, Rhaenyra plans on gaining enough allies to back the Greens into a corner without a single person dying

Then Otto Hightower comes. Instead of the dumb dragon scene, show Rhaenyra struggling to walk there but being determined because she's now queen and this is her duty but also because of the prophecy. She listens to the terms offered, trades insults with Otto, Daemon is Daemon. The page is offered, Rhaenyra cries and she decides to give her answer the following day.

Daemon thinks her attachment to Alicent is problem but she tells him about the prophecy. He strangles her. Rhaenyra spends the night thinking about how unpopular her decision is, she doesn't want to waver despite all the pressure she's facing.

Luke dies and Rhaenyra finds out right before she tells Otto her terms for peace. Instead of Emma staring at the camera, we can have the iconic line

Tell my half brother that I will have my throne, or I will have his head,” she said, sending the envoys on their way.

Now we see how Rhaenyra has been transformed by her son's death and we don't have to spend the entire last episode spinning the wheel until Aemond enters the picture.

#dr-doomsduck #rings of power #anti hotd #rhaenyra targaryen #lotr

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beauregardlionett · 2 years ago

Text

the eclipse episode 5

note board below for my ramblings on this episode. this one is much more scatterbrained than the last one.

episodes 1-4

Character Notes

Akk

What we know so far - Akk being from a small town has achieved plot relevance as well as his adherence to the rules and desire to become a prefect - he tells Ayan that he’s at Suppalo on a scholarship and implies that he can’t afford to attend without it, and the same likely holds true for college; Mes was the student prefect that Akk looked up to when he was younger, and I hope we get more details about Mes because he very clearly idolized Mes (side note but this is bothering me: Mes’ face looks SO familiar but I cannot fucking place why) - a parental figure has entered the ring! Akk’s father spoke with him on the phone about needing to come say goodbye to his aunt before she left - all the insight we have for now but good to know he has parents - Akk is NOT the one who took Ayan’s journal from his locker - Akk is notably NOT annoyed at all by Ayan’s texts about being paired together for judo. in fact he actually smiles and laughs to himself a little, looking almost fond (and the shot was kind of wide so it was hard for me to tell, but right before the scene cut away, Akk almost looks a little surprised at himself for that reaction) - he went to find Teacher Chadok after the fight with Ayan, but it’s not clear what exactly he was going to talk to him about - Akk sought out Ayan after Ayan missed class, but didn’t talk to him after he saw Thua approach Ayan...what were you going to SAY MY GUY??

What we should keep in mind - Akk returns to the queer cafe and he still seems totally fine in that atmosphere so my money is on Akk knows he’s queer he’s just having a crisis that he’s being queer about Ayan as a person rather than Ayan being the same gender as him - springing from the pattern of Akk constantly threatening violence to Ayan if Ayan continued to step out of line finally culminated in Akk actually punching Ayan; he then later mentions he got into fights when he first arrived at Suppalo because he was bullied - i’m curious if Akk grew up rough and tumble or if he just snapped from the environment change and pressure - he seems to feel the need to hide how his feelings toward Ayan are changing from Kan and Wat, likely thinking that they wouldn’t understand and he’s too confused himself still to explain - i believe Akk is changing before he’s even aware of it, something honest breaking free without his permission; he’s the one to approach Ayan and offer up an olive branch, something Akk wouldn’t have done three episodes ago; he even acknowledges that he was after Ayan’s notebook when before he would deny it - Akk’s obsession with the rules and love for Suppalo has been revealed to have stemmed from the interactions he had and people he met during his first year there; Mes and Dika and maybe even Chadok showed him the path to a future Akk probably felt he previously didn’t have access to, but the exact details are still yet to be revealed, especially why Suppalo was the school Akk chose in the first place

Ayan What we know so far - Ayan’s journal has been snatched by an unknown figure (potentially the same one who has yet to be identified from earlier episodes) and while upset about the journal being taken seems relatively unconcerned about the contents of said journal being spread around - Ayan has moved on from giving Akk an out and now texts him to claim Akk as his partner for judo practice in advance - previously stated that Ayan seems well-educated; he was reading G. Orwell’s 1984 in his free-time because we know damn well that’s not on Suppalo’s required reading list - Ayan may have deleted the cheek kiss photo after sending it to Akk, but he still has sleepy Akk photos on that phone of his - Ayan absolutely is feeling some type of way about Akk at this point

What we should keep in mind - it seems like there is still a distance between Ayan and the World Remembers group in terms of protest planning, but I’m curious what Ayan was doing at the school when he found Akk at the end of the episode - I should have mentioned this previously but it seems that Ayan is extremely aware of when Akk is following him and I’m not sure if it’s just because Akk is bad at it or if Ayan is that paranoid, but I find it interesting that Ayan seems to always have his guard up even outside of the school - Ayan sending the photo to Akk felt like a test, especially when he gave Akk the out to save face about likely not deleting the photo by telling Akk to do it not in front of Ayan...I’m wondering if he’s clocked the cracks in the foundation of Akk’s beliefs in Suppalo (or maybe he’s just gay lol) - when Akk asked Ayan about what he meant regarding the curse, Ayan didn’t answer and instead asked “does the student prefect title mean that much to you?” and i know it was Ayan’s way of diverting the conversation but to me it also read as a protective mechanism, as if trying to keep Akk clear of whatever fall out Ayan knows is coming

Dika What we know so far - Dika met Akk after Akk got in a fight and was able to help Akk figure out how to move forward and was “just so understanding” which is a sentiment that Ayan agrees with; the idea that Akk’s personal sense of betrayal in calling Dika a “traitor” comes from a sense of abandonment seems much more plausible now - during the snippet of flashback, the interaction between Dika and Chadok seemed...fine. Chadok seemed calmer and less severe than he does in the present, even looking like he could crack a smile or something crazy like that

What we should keep in mind - something happened between Dika and Chadok - my bet is some dirty truth was uncovered in relation to the rules; Mr. Sit mentioned something of the like during his conversation with Ayan, but no one seems to know exactly what went down

Thua What we know so far - definitely does not have a good relationship with his step-father who is abrasive and verbally abusive (what we’ve seen on screen); Thua’s mother does seem to be trying to step in where she can - Thua abruptly left the car after his step-dad snapped at him and didn’t stop even when his mother called after him; someone is nearing a breaking point - despite not being the direct target of harassment about his sexuality, witnessing that bigotry immediately after being yelled at by his step-dad clearly affected Thua as well

What we should keep in mind - previously stated that he didn’t want to see Kan get hurt again - but it looks like he will have to, considering the ep6 preview - Thua seems to understand Ayan with more ease than his other classmates, especially for someone who has not had all that much on screen interaction with Ayan thus far, which makes me continue to think that they knew each other before Ayan started going to Suppalo - “it would be nice to disappear” i want to know how long Thua’s been thinking like this and the context in which he means disappear

Kan What we know so far - Kan has made progress! he did not immediately release Thua’s hand when other students saw them holding hands - an action that Kan initiated as well! in fact, it was Thua who let go of Kan’s hand, likely thinking that Kan would be uncomfortable - only for Kan to look frustrated and disappointed after Thua walked away (i’m curious what the catalyst for this change was) - Kan’s strong belief in the curse continues to be his go-to explanation for when things start going wrong around the school

What we should keep in mind - he is the only person we are shown on screen having seen/read Thua’s post, a scene which is immediately followed by “Bruce Wayne” contacting Thua; strong suspicion here that Kan is Bruce Wayne; if he is “Bruce” my guess is it’s an attempt at getting Thua to open up under the guise of anonymity - continuation note from previous one but considering we had a scene where the World Remembers trio was being very publicly harassed for being queer, Thua being glared at for holding hands with Kan, and the mounting tension of the curse, I would not be surprised if the reason Kan looks roughed up in the preview is because someone says the wrong thing to either him or Thua and Kan snaps

Wat What we know so far - actively sought out Teacher Sani to tell her that she was right to guess he wasn’t enjoying class - that he actually liked film; and she showed him that she was listening and talked to him briefly about his interests, thereby giving Wat a supportive adult in his corner - Wat’s mediator personality shines again in the phone scene where he waits to see how Akk will react first, and then explains his thoughts to Akk and Kan, acting as a balm to Akk’s more direct explanation; then again after Akk and Ayan’s fight when he talks Kan down from pushing Akk for answers

What we should keep in mind - Wat told Teacher Sani that he had spoken to his family about his film interest and was told it wasn’t a stable career; however when he was talking to Kan and Akk about a communication arts degree, he implied that they would never entertain the idea and made it sound like he had never brought it up and was assuming based off what he knows; i’m curious if anyone in his family has actually told him not to pursue film - Teacher Sani told him “you don’t always need to do what others expect of you” and i’m excited to see how that’s going to affect his growth going forward

The Curse

- we don’t get much new information on the curse in this episode, but in his emotionally driven rage, Ayan asked if the students wanted to know the truth about Suppalo’s curse - something that Akk tried to follow up on later, but Ayan didn’t give him a clear answer; the implication that Ayan already knows what’s going on and is only here to prove and expose it was not something I was expecting, but is definitely intriguing given his connection to Dika - Kan brings up the curse in the meeting with Teacher Sani about the World Remembers group, stating that there is almost a formula/legend for how the curse manifests which is...a highly concerning detail especially considering one involves literal burning (how has this been left unchecked what the fuck)

Things to Follow Up On

- the unknown figure from ep1 and ep2 (now appearing as the journal thief in ep5) is still unidentified; i think there was an attempt at misdirection by utilizing the framing they did with Akk at the end of the episode, but Akk does not have the journal and in the shots from ep2 the figure does not appear to be wearing a prefect armband - Namo was the one pretending to be a prefect in ep1 and then was the one to tell Thua that Kan got into a fight in ep2; also worth noting his actor is in the opening credits so best to keep an eye on him - the jacket sniff: Ayan gave Akk his hoodie which of course made me absolutely insane <3 - ep2 4/4 timestamp 2:15 - unfortunately no follow up - still no follow-up on the whispered conversation between Ayan and Thua, but I hold out hope - the individual who posted the protest video still has yet to be identified - Teacher Sani being willing to pay attention to the students and listen to them: further fulfilled by her interaction with Wat this episode, but I want to keep an eye on her progression throughout the show because Chadok was notably absent from this episode giving her that leeway to be a little softer; also there was a shot of her walking around the school at night at the end of the episode? - the first crack in the foundation of Akk’s belief: the cracks are spreading as evidenced by his leniency with the phone situation - Ayan’s emotional vulnerability in front of Akk: we didn’t see much of this in the same context as the last couple episode, but we did see Ayan thank Akk for stepping in and diverting the teachers from continuing to harass Ayan in class, as well as Ayan acknowledging that he reacted on emotion instead of logic when his journal went missing (though it appears from the preview for ep6 we’ll be getting some VERY emotionally vulnerable scenes between Akk and Ayan) - none of the students at Suppalo knowing Dika’s dead: AKK THE ANSWER IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!! g o s h when Ayan changed the subject and immediately walked away, unable to tell Akk the truth about Dika? I was screaming <3 - Mr. Sit (the janitor) is now on my suspect list...previously he was in the spotlight for the van incident in ep1, then he gave Ayan the information about the rumor concerning Dika, and has interrupted charged moments between Ayan and Akk at least three times now, the last of which he seemed to have purposefully done so and did not look thrilled before he walked away...the vibes are off - Akk: no way. i don’t want to be like you. Ayan: how do you know? you haven’t even tried. Me: alright okay okay okay alright why am i emotional i’ve got my eye on you - Akk: why does it have to be you Me: elaborate - this whole time I’ve been curious about the World Remembers group and why they’re still at Suppalo if they’re clearly suffering so much; this episode gives the insight that they’ve tried to speak out about it to the teachers and to their families and friends and have been ignored/abandoned in every direction; if anything happens to these kids I’m rioting <3 “i truly believe tomorrow will be better than this”

Recurring Themes

- this isn’t exactly recurring but goes sort of hand in hand with the theme of Akk pulling Ayan closer (aggressively) but during the cafe conversation this episode, I absolutely LOVED the detail of body language between Akk and Ayan where they seemed to push and pull toward one another based on who had the upper hand in the conversation. when Akk felt smug and “on top” he would lean against the table and exude this aura of knowing he was winning, until Ayan also leaned on the table and brandish the familiar barb of being incredibly comfortable with utilizing/weaponizing his sexuality for his social benefit, making Akk lean away until he could find his footing again. and there’s the detail that when they were on common ground, like when Ayan said “thank you” to Akk, they were both leaning back, creating a neutral space (perhaps I’m over explaining this but I noticed it on my first watch and thought it was cool) - every shot of Suppalo continues to have the building dominating the screen (maybe it’s just me, but the shots of the building this episode did seem like the angle was adjusted somewhat, perhaps implying something) - no martial arts flip but Akk was the one who threw the first punch in their fight and I’m still just waiting for the narrative-relevant scene of Ayan flipping Akk - not much in the way of sun and moon imagery but don’t think i missed the way Ayan’s face was reflecting the moonlight in that last shot <3

Favorite Shot From The Episode

emotionally charged interactions in tight spaces with your enemy who is slowly becoming something more are actually something that can be so personal

honorable mention (of course)

#the eclipse #the eclipse the series #the eclipse akk #the eclipse ayan #the eclipse kan #the eclipse thua #the eclipse wat #note board #the eclipse spoilers

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redrobin-detective · 3 years ago

Text

Ok, I’ve tried and tried and tried to write this fic because I see it so clearly in my mind but it’s just not going no matter what I do. But I don’t want the idea to die with me. The closest this came to being written was exile which was an attempt to bleed out some of the energy of this au.

Anyway, so it starts off vaguely similar to canon only more aggressive. There had been underlying tension between ghosts and humans for a while, the dead jealous/angry at the living for disrespecting them. The successful creation of the Fenton ghost portal (and another halfa) was considered an act of war and so the ghosts responded in kind. So basically all of S1 occurs fairly close to canon except ghost attacks are more violent and have increasingly more consequences as time passes. Also the attacks aren’t just in Amity Park with ghosts becoming a worldwide issue but Amity is a focal point. Regular people know the ghosts hate them though they don’t know why. Phantom is very much a controversial figure as he is a ghost but also clearly is fighting off the more violent ghosts.

One day, not long after the events of Control Freaks, Amity Park wakes up to find three of their own are gone. Danny Fenton, Sam Manson and Tucker Foley are nowhere to be found. There’s a massive manhunt, the parents go on TV and beg for information but they cannot be found. Curiously enough, town hero Phantom was also missing. There’s some evidence they left of their own volition so the Mansons and Foleys eventually relent that the kids fled on their own. The Fentons are 100% certain the kids were stolen/killed by ghosts as a statement. And the fact that Phantom went missing around the same time means he was the one who killed them. Jazz knows Danny was Phantom but had no idea what was going on and knew her parents wouldn’t listen she just, kept quiet and privately tried to piece together what happened.

Three years pass and finally it looks like the Ecto War is coming to a close. Young, naive ghosts attempted to raise Pariah Dark in a bid to win. It went disastrously but Phantom (who was periodically spotted around the world, deep in the worst battles of the war) and group of loyal allies subdued the king. By the law of ghosts, Phantom was named heir apparent and he declared that the fighting would stop. Humans and ghosts would have to negotiate and co-exist in peace. But he’s not king yet, no he needs to be crowned at the place where it began, Amity Park’s Fenton portal (”where it all began” has a double meaning of the beginning of the war but also symbolically where Phantom began as Kings assume the crown where their living life ended to show their abandonment of their first life and the commitment to their second). Amity is NOT happy to hear that their former hero is coming home.

Amity has been through the wringer, ghost attacks got pretty bad. The Fenton’s throw themselves into their work to cancel out the grief, they create a group of ghost hunters nicknamed the Reds (for their red blood, ghosts are nicknamed Greens) to control the threat. Valerie heads the young adult division and is considered one of the best, she drops out of school to devote herself to it full time. Oh also her dad is now the Mayor as most have died or didn’t want the job. There are still people who like Phantom and see him as a hero (a lot of Casper Kids) but it’s generally an unpopular opinion in town. Maddie and Jack are ready to obliterate the ghost that took their son’s life the moment he’s within city limits. It’s a powder keg ready to blow. It all comes to a head when Phantom and his entourage arrive.

First off, Phantom looks very different, much less human looking than when he left. He’s clearly aged like a normal teen but his eyes look much, much older. His skin is dead white with a blue tinge to it from his ice core and his aura is super cold. His hair is longer and is very misty that kind of swirls around him and his has fangs and claws. When he’s deep in battle or his obsession, his sclera turn black and he looks scary af. His entourage is ghosts who have sworn loyalty to him, who he picked up along the way after battling beside them for 3 years. Fright Knight, Skulker and Frostbite are recognizable allies. They are not happy that their future King is back in Amity (secretly fearing they’ll lose him once more to his human life). J&M have a shot and are going for the kill when they see something that shocks them; Sam and Tucker are in Phantom’s entourage.

There had been whispers that Phantom interacted with humans, that humans were in his inner circle but this is something else together. And so are Sam and Tucker. Sam is Phantom’s General, she is talented and collected and half feral. She used to be a pacifist but the trials of war and understanding that peace sometimes needs to be fought for made her compromise. She’s covered in scars and an extremely talented fighter. She’s missing her right hand up to her forearm, she can form a ‘phantom limb’ (basically borrowing ectoplasm from her future ghost) to do some things with some powers. Tucker is the support, he uses human and ghost tech to organize, weaponize and generally keep things running. He’s covered in homemade tech (shields and weapons and computers) and he rarely removes. Both he and Sam have kinda forgotten how to interact with and really BE human after so long among the dead. They had attempted to conceal themselves but they had forgotten how strong parental love and recognition is. J&M want to know about Danny, the teens don’t know how to respond but assure them he’s alive. Phantom can’t bring himself to look at them.

This is where I start to lose track of things but there will be parallels of Valerie/Maddie vs Sam as female warriors on opposite sides who are willing to go behind, possibly compromising the things important to them, for victory. Tucker will be contrasted against Jack/Jazz as the one making weapons but also generally keeping the human parts of the team mentally/physically afloat. *Severe* PTSD for all three of them. They’re also unnaturally codependent on each other, get super anxious when one of the trio is out of sight and sleep in a big cuddle pile. They will fucking Kill You if you look at one of them wrong. Vlad will be involved, he had been jailed for war crimes but convinced Walker to stage a coup to overthrow Danny and take the crown before he’s actually declared King and is too powerful. Vlad is more unhinged here, more ghost than human (a hint on what could happen to Danny if he’s not careful). He is eventually defeated but he sacrifices his life for ghost power which, in the end, is what makes him able to be beaten.

There’s lots of ideas on what it means to be live or dead and where the divide really is, is it a heartbeat or it is how you choose to use your existence. On how duty shouldn’t mean you need to give up everything. Because Jack and Maddie believe that Phantom killed their son and, in a way, they’re right. Before they left, the ghost war had gotten so bad and the rumors of Dark being resurrected were going around. Amity attacks were at an all time high, people in their school were being killed just because Danny went there. He realized he had to choose between Fenton or Phantom and he chose to protect the world. He abandoned his human identity and went off to fight in war. Tried to convince Sam and Tucker to stay but they followed him through hell and back. Because Danny spends so much time as Phantom, Fenton is severely neglected. His long hair is cool and floaty as Phantom but is unkempt and stringy, hanging in his face as Fenton. He’s wan and underweight and looks like a walking corpse. He knows his human half will give out soon if he doesn’t give it more attention but he just can’t there’s too much to do, too many people to save.

It would end with Danny being outed to the town, not the world, just the town. Jack and Maddie need to recon with the fact that their boy DID leave of his own choice but only because their failure to protect him (from both the portal and ghosts) made him feel he had to take all this responsibility on his shoulders. Danny also has to recognize that he (and Sam/Tuck) can’t do all this on their own and they can trust and rely on the people around him. Phantom is crowned King but he decides Amity will be his base. The trio eat more, sleep some, catches up on school all the while continuing their duties as King and court. The ghosts also see that Phantom’s humanity isn’t a weakness but a strength and will bring peace to the Earth/Zone so they also take some of the burdens off his shoulder.

Basically I load up heavily with angst at the beginning and end with all the love and comfort imaginable. I just can’t fucking figure out the middle and my motivation will not let me write this shit out. But I can’t let this AU die bc it fucking keeps me up at night.

#behind me dips eternity #god I want to write this but its just not going #Ive been trying for over a month #I cant finish the outline #I've only gotten a paragraph into actually typing #but there are so many vivid images from this fic that live rent free in my head #was lowkey thinking of comissioning an artist to depict Danny bc I've tried and its not coming out right and it drives me INSANE #bc this world is very vivid to me #i love it even if it hurts me #anyway here's wonderwall

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jamieedlund · 2 years ago

Note

So we know your thoughts about Aaravos and Callum, what are your thoughts about the Mage fam?

I haven't thought of them in a long time and also I had no idea what mage fam meant until you told me it's team rocket I mean claud sore and lord virginia's family wheezes

Um... Huh.... I don't know if I wanna make this another lengthy answer so I'll do my best to make it brief...

Keep reading if you're ready to see me lose my sanity again. If not then just look at this cute Cally and Aary doodle of them trash talking "someone" You know you love them.

1. I will never understand viren's motivation nor do I love him as a character. . . Actually nah... "do not love" is still putting it very mildly. I despises the cartoony villain vibe that they wrote for him. I think he coulda been a better written villain but I just...hmgggggg the writing pisses me off. I would be smiling with genuine happiness if he's dead for real this season. I see no appeal in him. Fuck that guy.

2.Claud...

I sorta? understand her...but i feel like I don't ...like her as much as I should...Is it the gas lighting...? Is it the very cringe romance they wrote for her and Cally? Is it just something part of her personality that I don't...like??? No idea. I read something here about how she was murdered as a character (albeit I don't really notice it but if you say so I suppose???) I'll tell you what though I really wanna see her becoming the main villain of the show. She will be a very compelling villain in my opinion. It's all gonna be super fun with her.

#freeaaravosfrombeingcalledavillainofthiscursedshow

Also they missed out the chance to do what is in my opinion one of the most interesting dynamic in this entire show: Raydia.

I'm not a huge fan of shipping nor do I go around spilling things about ships but I see so much potential in these two it's baffling like why didn't the writers go for this duo? They'd be fun as heck girlfriends - or just besties for now if romance isn't on the table yet WHICH I DON'T CARE FOR EITHER WAY, just give them a chance man.

They have so much to play off each other like daddy issues, their own very strong views the world, that sweet sweet enemies to besties/lovers trope is going on strong here. PLUS THEY'RE SUPER DUPER GOOD AT WHAT THEY DO AND IT'S AMAZING. Like bruh callum was BARELY an enemy they're like chill after 2 days I cannot --- *face palm* anyways... She's semi wasted in that aspect.

Soreeeeee-n

By far the only character in this show that hasn't been a running mouth piece for the writers very bad, overly-simplified view of good and evil

(except for that one episode in season 3 where he's like "someone who tell you to do something bad and convince you it's good is a villain" like woah woah woah woah hold the phone okayyyyyyy this line applies to viren and VIREN only. Because in the context of Aaravos the man just really wanna get tf outta jail does ANY OF YOU KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE LOCKED IN FOR 300 YEARS?! uh nope cause YOU WOULD HAVE DIED A LONG TIME AGO AFTER LOOSING YOUR DAMN MIND. So to me when he says this it felt like the writers are putting words into his mouth and trying to foreshadow or tell the viewers that oh yea aaravos is TOTALLYY A VILLAIN NO- like fuck that shit ohmygod - if it's been 300 years and the only way out you can see is feeding to a terrible man's ego in order to get him to do what you need YOU FUCKING TAKE IT. That doesn't make you a villain that makes you more of an enabler. AND IT'S NOT LIKE HE CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT IF VIREN CHOSE TO NOT LISTEN TO HIM SO POINT. AARAVOS. I can think of like 5 different ways where Cally can turn the situation viren was put in with aaravos into something fun, wholesome AND DEFINITELY WOULD NOT FRAME AARAVOS AS A BAD PERSON AT ALL fuck-)

hasn't received arguably a lot of special treatments in order to make him look good and is the only character I understand the most. He's overall well-written and I love him very much. I think he should receive more love and be appreciated a bit more by the people around him. Most of his action makes sense to me and that is all I need to put him as my most favorite canonically speaking.

#ask jamie #i do not wanna tag any of them in this because I would hate to be associated with them #okay maybe I'll tag #soren #cause I love him #I am not touching the other two tags #tdp #the dragon prince #happy reading #and don't murder me this is just my opinion :/#anyways I'll be crying for aaravos in the next season I'm sure they're on their way to ruin him just like they ruined callum #I want to die #thank you

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