#i miss him having so many traits being defined by so lany things. reaching end of s11 and his usual sacrifice of self lasts 3secs

[themistas]

i miss psychic sam. presumed potential king of hell sam. blood-addict sam. unholy sam. grieving jess, his father, his life sam. born-to-be-a-vessel sam. younger sam. fighting tooth and nail with his father, with hunting, with a life he yells he never wanted. told by everyone he's cursed, he's bad luck. not sure if he is or not. with demon blood in his veins, with azazel haunting him, with lucifer taunting him.

he's still a tragedy after season 5, but he gets used to it. thinks the trials make up for whatever curse he's so sure he carries in his veins. he talks back but he takes the blows without saying anything. he shatters into a million pieces but he keeps it for himself. learns to conceal everything. he flinches. he fights back. he still fades. little by little.