#i might write more to it later if there's interest

[flowersforthemachines]

Some facts about Emmrich (and also the Necropolis, Nevarra and other related things) gathered from the banters

I went through all companion banters on DanaDuchy's channel after playing the game to write down all facts about companions/the world that I haven't seen brought up anywhere in the game as a writing reference (and for funsies).

Note: This list may not be exhaustive. I might have missed some something or didn't write it down because I considered it common knowledge. If you have anything to add, please DM me or send an ask! (do specify what banter the information is coming from, though)

Note 2: Posts from this series (mostly) don't include information from banters specific to quests or between companions and faction members. I plan to do another playthrough to capture more of those and will add any relevant info to the character posts.

Other characters' posts: Bellara, Davrin, Harding, Lucanis, Neve, Taash to be added tomorrow (or on Monday Jan 5th)

About Emmrich:

Family and early life:

“Volkarin” is a commoner’s name. Emmrich’s father was a butcher, and his mother was a cook 

When Emmrich was around 5 years old, his neighbours had a pig named Lucy. He was very fond of her, and she’d always let him hug her around his neck

Emmrich grew up poor (clocked by Neve based on the way he always saves his candle stubs, shows up first for meals and never leaves food on his plate) 

Emmrich grew up hearing that all dragons were so hostile they had to be slain and is surprised that Taash has found ways to deal with them peacefully 

General:

The gold Emmrich’ wears is called “grave-dowry” (or “grave gold”). It’s a Nevarran custom to wear precious objects one would like to take to their grave

Emmrich’s bracelet (not specified which one) was gifted to him on the day he became a full Watcher. The ring with a large stone was the last gift from his father. The skull pin doesn’t have a story, he just likes it

Emmrich isn’t fond of the Nevarran nobility

Emmrich’s shaving cream smells like potash (at least to Taash)

Emmrich uses moss perfume with flowers

Decades ago, Emmrich used to see an Orlesian woman who was an art appraiser

If Emmrich wasn’t a watcher, he would like to be a botanist

Emmrich displays some interest in Ferelden, mentioning that many of its heroes greatly shaped the history. Harding says that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said about her homeland

Emmrich doesn't like beer because it's bitter

Emmrich prefers tea (he mentions purchasing a Brynnlaw curled-leaf blend in Nevarra), but he can also drink coffee 

Emmrich doesn’t eat meat (seafood and insects included), but he indulges in cheese. It seems to be a Watcher thing - he says that each Watcher must decide what they will and won't take a life for, and meat crosses that line for him

Emmrich likes melons, mushrooms and pineapples. He also enjoyed a plate of fried leeks and potatoes at Halos’s stand in Minrathous

Emmrich always thought he’d get married one day

After a Minrathous merchant sells Emmrich fake charms, he causes him to see skeletal faces on the windows and hear spirits whispering that false goods endanger lives as punishment. Emmrich agrees to stop once Neve tells him that she can convince the merchant to get back to selling linen if the visions cease

On magic and studies:

Some deaths may leave emotional imprints so intense Emmrich may feel them decades later 

Emmrich thinks the magic of old Elven artefacts is “rigid” 

Emmrich isn’t very good at figuring out Elven artefacts (by his own admission)

Emmrich’s first published work was A Monograph on the Vagaries of Determining a Body's Time of Death

Emmrich is roughly familiar with the dragon anatomy

Emmrich knows a lot about how bodies work (muscle-wise etc.) from the time he performed autopsies 

Watchers study the death practices of other cultures. Emmrich knew about Eb-ketarra and the Rivaini traditions even before Taash performs them at the end of their questline

On life in the Necropolis: 

When Emmrich fell for another boy during his youth, he showed him a corpse he was allowed to practice dissection on. The date was ruined by a passing wisp possessing the body and causing it to sit up and ruin the mood 

Emmrich tutored Dorian during his term in the Necropolis (“Tremendous potential, but appallingly flippant towards the dead”)

Emmrich and other watchers live in the Necropolis (Emmrich has a flat there)

On life at the Lighthouse:

It took 8 skeletons half a day to bring that slab of marble into Emmrich’s room

He didn’t bring his entire collection of books to the Lighthouse (there are more)

Emmrich talks to skulls in his room 

Lighthouse kitchen reminds Emmrich of the mortuary

Relationships with companions:

Emmrich offers to introduce Bellara to Audric, the Necropolis librarian (who appeared in Tevinter Nights’ Down Among the Dead Men)

Emmrich calls the Archive spirit a work of art  

Emmrich and Davrin disagree on parenting methods. Emmrich thinks Davrin should better discipline Assan and teach him boundaries, while Davrin suggest Emmrich should let Manfred learn more on his own (e.g. let him fall so he learns how to get up) 

Emmrich turns to Neve when he needs help acquiring some reagents he can't get his hands through normal ones, and she agrees to help him out (smuggling is involved)

Emmrich isn’t too thrilled about Neve taking over the Threads, questioning of what’s going to become with the organisation and the future and thinking it may become corrupt (sort of mirroring the way Neve is apprehensive about his lichdom) 

Taash likes Emmrich’s lich helmet. They are not usually fond of skulls, but that helmet is fine because it’s on fire

Taash thinks that gemstones like amethyst or green opal would look good with the lich helmet

Emmrich doesn’t seem to like unrealistic books as he criticised Harding’s “Gore-Knight” novels for their incorrect interpretation of magic. He is worried about people misunderstanding magic and spirits

Emmrich calls himself Harding's 'de facto physician'

On Manfred: 

(If Rook chooses to save Treviso) Manfred brings Neve tea by his own volition. Emmrich thinks it's because Manfred sensed she might need a friend

Manfred is as aware of his surroundings as most people (to a certain degree)

(If revived at the Necropolis) Manfred learns to say Emmrich’s name 

(If revived at the Necropolis) Manfred becomes much more talkative 

Manfred likes boiling tea because he is fascinated by steam

Emmrich suggests Manfred tries tending to plants in Harding's garden 

Manfred is curious about Spite and wanders into Lucanis’s room at night

Spite and Assan miss Manfred if he’s gone

On Lichdom:

Emmrich smells fine to Taash even after he becomes a lich 

Emmrich’s lich helmet burns with veilfire. He once tried using it in combat, but the flame ended up blinding him

Emmrich thinks Strife would no longer be interested in a relationship after he becomes a Lich. That doesn't prove to be true

Lich!Emmrich doesn't need to eat but still comes by the kitchen for company

The energy of Emmrich’s magic changed after he became a lich

Other liches call lich!Emmrich “Young Volkarin” 

Lich!Emmrich no longer has muscles, but when he tries out Taash’s pull-up routine, he can still feel something like “a spectral memory of flesh”, as if he had pulled a tendon

Emmrich starts seeing more books in the Lighthouse library after becoming a linch

About spirit, demons, and the Necropolis: 

There are spirits of Temperance and Diligence 

The Watchers avoid using the word “demon” because it creates bad expectations and can negatively influence spirits 

Some in the Mourn Watch suspected that elves originated from spirits, though it was just one of many theories, and not a particularly popular one

Chambers in the Necropolis can go missing (according to MW!Rook, they turn up, eventually)  

Even after the despair demon is banished from the Necropolis, the halls remain cold. However, the effects will abate with time

There are horses on display in the Necropolis

Watchers rarely get possessed thanks to the special wards of the Necropolis. Possessions also don’t happen as often because the necromancers already provide spirits with bodies, so they don't need to possess anyone by force

Bellara calls the background magic of Necropolis tidy and quiet

There something called “The Deep Necropolis” featuring sections like “The Unspoken Valley” and “The Charnel Bridge” (which has something called “nightmare fog”) that hosts all kinds of entities. Bellara is very excited to visit once the nightmare fog clears

Vorgoth ensures that the transgressions of those who use magical to cruel and abusive means will not be tolerated (whatever that means)

About Nevarra:

Many great Nevarran artefacts have been lost to time, including the Skull of Sabinar, the Key of Dead Dreamers, and the Crown of the Moon

There are strict rules about selling enchantments in Nevarra. You can’t sell anything without a licence and an inspection from the mage Circles

A Tevinter poem “Faustina's Song”, a romantic epic from the Steel Age, is very popular in Nevarra, and its quotes are used on ‘more than one’ epitaph in the Necropolis. Neve is surprised people even read it outside Tevinter 

Pineapples don’t grow in Nevarra

[melitherion]

Learning that foxes groom each other to show affection, and knowing that Fox/Ren enjoys bathes, I had to write a bathtub scene. Polite critiques always appreciated.

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🔞18+ minors do not interact🔞

TPOF Fox x MC/Reader

Fox and MC bathe together. Bonding ensues.

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The first few weeks of your life you spent adjusting to your new schedule, which meant adjusting to Fox's schedule. Greet him politely at the door on his arrival home, he'd go off to bathe and then return to cook dinner for the two of you. Dinnertime and a few hours of binge watching whatever anime currently held his interest. Extracurricular activites, cleaning you up, and then sleep. See him off in the morning and repeat later, with some variation.

Today had been no different. You met him at the door on his arrival, "such a good pet", he'd once praised you, before heading back to the couch while Fox went down the hall to wash the day away.

Sitting in the living room, not particularly paying attention to whatever was currently playing on the tv, you heard the water start running down the hall, the sound continuing on for a few minutes as was normal. Then, you heard the water shut off and the bathroom door open. The beastkin's footsteps were silent however, his gruff voice startling you from the doorway.

"Bathroom. Now."

Shock collar heavy on your shoulders, you swiftly stood and made your way down the hall, and into the bathroom, already humid from the steam rolling off the water. Fox stayed close behind you, shutting the door, the click of the lock echoing across the room. You turned to him, hesitant, but expectedly.

"Undress.". Fox commanded pointedly.

"Absolutely not." You protested, perhaps against your better judgement. You noticed the glint of the remote in his hand, the remote to the shock collar that currently sat around your neck.

He'd seen every part of you, hell he'd been inside of you, and yet something about the act of bathing together was almost too normal in its intimacy, something casual between lovers and something that you had no desire to share with him.

You'd seen his hentai collection. A vast selection of DVDs not even the slightest bit out of sight on the shelf in the living room, testament to either Fox's profound lack of shame, or an obvious lack of visitors. You suspected a bit of both. How clean would you be getting in the water with that dirty old man?

"If you won't undress yourself, I'll do it for you." Fox said sharply, arms crossed as his eyes stared right through you.

Considering the remote in his clawed hand and your preference to keep some sort of autonomy in this new life, you hurriedly began to strip, no time to even feel embarrassed or attempt to cover yourself, before letting your clothing fall into a pile on the cold tile floor. Fox did the same, before raising the remote in his hand. You stiffened, waiting for the shock collar to deliver its familiar sting, only to jolt in surprise at the sudden click that emanated from the back of the metal contraption around your neck. The beastkin stepped forward and removed the collar from around your neck, setting both it and the remote atop the counter.

"Don't even think about trying anything funny," he warned. "You won't like the consequences."

Fox eyed you with distrust as you stepped into the water first, gritting your teeth as you slowly lowered yourself into the bath, adjusting to the heat of the water. only after you had situated yourself all the way to one end of the tub did he finally slip into the water himself. Right. Next. To. You.

With the kind of money that Fox had, the bathtub was quite large in size, leaving ample room for more than one person to fit comfortably and still maintain their own personal bubble. Naturally, however, the beastkin settled himself closely to his pet. You wondered if he might do you the favor of drowning you.

So began your new routine with the beastkin. It was a rare occasion that you bathed without him, and even on days where you didn't particularly feel the need to bathe you often found Fox dragging you with him into the tub regardless. The two of you would ease into the warm water, he would always wash your hair first and then his own. After thouroughly scrubbing yourselves down the two of you would sit in a silence that was slowly growing more comfortable in nature.

The scent of raspberry enveloped you as Fox drizzled his favorite shampoo onto your hair. It was some fancy brand you weren't sure you'd ever heard of, likely some luxury cosmetic you could only dream of being able to afford yourself, and it made your hair incredibly silky. A matching bottle of conditioner sat on the edge of the tub. Fox began languidly lathering the suds into your hair, always taking his sweet time running his fingers through your tresses. His touches while he did so were always surprisingly soft, massaging your scalp with care. Despite the claws at the end of each fingertip, he'd not once yet scratched your head. You would have hated to admit it before, but it felt nice.

Once he'd finished rinsing and conditioning your hair, he was ready to start on his own. However, you'd been thinking about something the past few days.

Your hands collided as you both simultaneously reached for the shampoo bottle.

"Can I....do yours?" You asked with hesitation, feeling your cheeks heat up slightly with the intense eye contact between the two of you. You weren't sure why it felt like such a big deal. It was just shampoo.

The stare-off between the two of you lasted several incredibly long moments, and you almost committed to failure, when, with his gaze still sharp and his demeanor unreadable, Fox pulled his hand back, allowing you to grab the shampoo bottle instead. Giving you a wary glance, the beastkin slowly turned his back to you to allow you to touch his head.

"Don't get soap in my eyes." He quipped.

You nodded, though he couldn't see you with his back turned, and raised the open bottle to pour just enough shampoo onto the crown of his head. Gently, almost as if you were afraid of being bit, you began to work the shampoo into his hair, surprised at just how soft it was. Your fingertips brushed against his scalp as they worked through his gray-streaked hair. As you did so, you caressed the base of his ears, almost in awe as you felt him lean into the touch. Beneath the water you felt Fox's tail jerkily slap your thigh a few times, the beastkin trying and failing to restrain its wagging motions. As you finished with the task at hand, you realized there was a soft sound permeating the silence around you.

Was he...purring?

Feeling a bit more courageous now, you reached into the water and slowly pulled his long red tail into your lap, repeating the process. Fox made no move to stop you, and you noticed his relaxed body shift ever so slightly towards you.

You found yourself feeling strangely emotional, something perhaps about fullfiling the desire to be touched, and to touch back freely. You found yourself leaning forward, wrapping your arms around Fox's waist as you pressed yourself against his back. He stiffened in surprise for just a moment, before relaxing once more as you settled your head on his shoulder. You were both warm, skin softened by the humidity of the bath. Fox's body shuddered lightly as your breath tickled his neck. You felt his tail brush against your hips as it wrapped snuggly around your body. You would have been content to rest like that for a long while.

"The water is getting cold." Fox's voice broke the silence, gruff, but lacking it's usual bite. Strangely reluctant, you disentangled yourself from him so the two of you could finish bathing and dry off before the water chilled completely. Fox stepped out of the tub first, wrapping a towel around his body before helping you with yours. You shivered as he pulled you close and wrapped you up snuggly, taking just a moment longer than he usually would. Finally, he pulled away, reaching up to gently brush a strand of hair from your face.

"Get dressed and come down for dinner." He demanded, almost softly, before exiting the bathroom, shutting the door quietly behind him. As you slipped into clean dry clothing, a metallic glint caught the corner of your vision. Your collar, resting unattended on the bathroom counter. You stared at it for a few seconds, before picking it up and fastening around your neck once again. Such a good pet. The words echoed in your head.

~

[circuscrypt1d]

i said this on twitter but ill say it here too just because

i hate how silco was written

just bear with me

if silco and vander were friends with felicia, close friends at that, he was probably around when the girls were born. at LEAST, when vi was born. i mean felicia told them both at the same time, vander helped pick a name right in front of him, he agreed to help make zaun a better place for those girls.

and maybe he and vander had a fall out due to clashing interests in how to go about piltover (though i find this unlikely), but their real fight only happened after felicia died in the war at the bridge, as vander stated in his letter to silco. a letter which also implies that they could have gone back to being close (as they do in the powder timeline).

this all makes sense to believe that silco knew the girls, and helped raise them. however young they were, he was around. and despite his fight with vander, the powder timeline also tells us that he wasnt SO resentful that he would abandon them forever.

so why? WHY in hell did silco consider killing both vi and powder when he kidnapped vander?

he was okay with killing vi with his shimmer monster and all his other goons, and only wanted her as a weapon later. he considered killing powder with a knife when he found her near vander's body. he called her "little girl", as if he didnt know her. both her and vi knew about silco's abd vander's ex friendship. at least later on in life, they did. if they didnt they definitely would be more surprised by finding their stuff together and the letter.

still, s1 silco acts like he doesnt know the girls. considers killing them, or using them. as if jinx only grew on him later on and wasnt someone he already knew.

i feel as if the writers wanted to make a "big bad guy" out of him in s1, and didnt have the full scope of his moral compass and background in mind when doing it. he is inarguably made to be the villain, and they did it all to try and make him the worst possible, so that when he "turned out to actually love jinx and do things for her good" it would be more of a surprise to the audience.

except s2 breaks all of that. and its not to say i dont like his backstory, or him as a character. he was definitely one of my favorites since i first watched years ago, and i was so sad when he died. but if they intended on bringing him so close to vander, and at such a point in time too (because he could have been friends with vander BEFORE felicia, and then they had their fall out), why write him so detached in the first place?

not to mention, the reason why he and vander fought is left to interpretation for the most part. we have implications: that it was after the war; that they had conflicts of interest; that both of them were very shocked by felicia's death. and we also have others: that had he read the letter vander left him, they might have become friends again; that he wasnt SUCH a terrible person as to not forgive his closest friend.

but it is very confusing what the intentions were with his character and backstory, and it makes me sad because it could have been so much better.

[alexanderwales]

Pitchposting: Retcon

The main idea is this: it's a narrative game where the majority of the gameplay involves placing the pieces of your own past.

This is at least partially lifted from some tabletop games that have "retcon inventory" or "retcon friends" where you declare in the middle of play "oh, actually, it's plausible that I had prepared for this all along, and here's how I did in fact do that", even if the player would have had no way of knowing what was necessary for that. (I have not had a chance to play Blades in the Dark, but I've been told that it features this heavily.)

So the whole game would be this: slowly adding to your own backstory, penning yourself in over time, until there's no room to maneuver anymore, and shortly thereafter, the game ends. The fundamental tension of the game is that you want to keep the character as amorphous as possible, to commit to as few details as possible, but commitment is necessary to actually accomplish things.

In my mind, there's a timeline of the character's life, and that's one of the main thing you're adding to. If you need them to have skill as a pickpocket, you need to account for that somewhere in the timeline, to define how and when they acquired that skill, and whatever time period that was suddenly becomes locked in place. Some level of proficiency in combat can be explained by a rough childhood or a hobby or just bits and pieces picked up here and there, but at a certain level you need to commit to having had multiple years of real world experience, a hefty bar slotted down into the timeline.

The basic appeal to me is that it sort of turns progression mechanics on its head. If you really wanted to, maybe you could slap everything onto the timeline at once, an entire defined life with every memory, skill, and contact determined right at the start. But this would almost certainly sink you unless you knew every twist and turn of the game ahead of time. And in this game "progression" does not come from increasing skills because you got better, it comes from defining the past. (Though there's no reason you can't also have material progression as you acquire more and better things.)

This is also, somewhat, what the process of writing can be like. You nail down things piece by piece, and over time, you're penned in, unable to move except along the tracks you've hopefully laid for yourself, no ability to introduce new things.

I'm not entirely sure what kind of game this mechanic is best suited to. A narrative game would be interesting, but the player is attempting to define as little of the character's past as possible, and ... does this even work for a narrative? The player's version of events is that they're (more or less) trying to keep backstory from happening, that's baked into the concept. It creates an uneasy tension.

A less narrative game, like an immersive sim, might work better. You decide that you spent at least three years as a thief in order to "gain" (i.e. have always had) lock-picking skills, with enough room in the timeline that you can add an extra few years if need be later on.

And of course this works for skills, but it also works for relationships, which I think is fun. In a normal RPG type game, you gain relationship points over time by being a good buddy, but with this framework, you would be revealing backstory that was "there all along". And depending on your needs, you can have this be different backstory, giving certain side characters the same amorphous nature, establishing different relationships with them.

The other option (since I'm a writer, not a game designer) is to try to import this idea into a work of written fiction, which ... might work?

You have your protagonist, and they know that they're a reality-warping amorphous blob, but they have some kind of goal, and they will lock in whatever backstory they need in order to accomplish that goal, while trying to stay cognizant of the fact that whatever backstory they give themselves (and the reader) is going to pen them in further. Maybe there's a nice little magic system to make of it, though I think that would necessitate some kind of reset mechanism.

It might be hubris, but I think I could probably find the structure that would make it work. Cool scenes:

The protagonist is acting in such a way to leave all his options open, which means that he wants to avoid a fight because that would mean either confirming that he can fight or that he can't fight, collapsing the superposition, so he's going out of his way to not have to make that decision.

The protagonist retroactively was always friends with a police officer who took him in, making all the chilly conversation they've been having the result of an ongoing grudge.

The protagonist takes a big swing and fills in a whole swath of his past at once, a major investment ... and one that upends his stated goals up to this point, recontextualizing the entire novel and making it "about" someone else.

Plus all that "standard" stuff to do, like retroactively knowing how to ride a motorcycle, handle a gun, hold breath for two minutes, etc.

I don't know, I think that it could work in prose, so long as you're clever enough about how and why you're doing things, and correctly explaining things to the audience.

[meowsticmarvels]

Does Phi want to live or die: an insane essay because I can't stop thinking about it [PART I]

hi!!! so i said not too long ago (like literally a few hours ago) that i'd been working on this analysis but considering this post is getting very long and tumblr's glitching and bugging out a lot (it's over 6k words!) i'm gonna post this part first as is as a little treat, and the second part will come a bit later once i write the rest of it. i'll link it here once it's done!

I've been meaning to write a proper analysis on Phi for a while (see my more proper grammar while writing this which is Unusual for me) and while there is too much of her I think abojt a lot to write ONE BIG ANALYSIS I think this topic is a pretty good one. There's a lot to be said in the wake of all of this on how Phi feels about herself and the roles she's meant to play and her own self-worth, the affects of Radical-6, and the impact the events of VLR have left on her onto ZTD (spoiler alert: it's trauma) which I will get into here. Will be up for further commentary if anyone has any + if there's any other particular topic I find interesting about her (I.e. her familial relationships, the matter of trust in her dynamics with others, her backstory/mysterious presentation and framing, or analyses where i could say how a hc would affect the narrative e.g. her being trans. id love to talk abojt that sometime.) i might get into that another time

i will preface this with a few notes:

1. If you're a little confused at why I'm even asking this it's because there's a bit of a disparity on if Phi seems to be okay with the idea of dying or not. it seems to vary by timeline and circumstance and by what the purpose of her death would be and THAT'S what I'm digging into. basically "is she okay with the idea of being a sacrifice". parts i will be looking at PRIMARILY will be K End and Another Time End in VLR and Fire / Outbreak (D-END 1) of ZTD, but others will be mentioned obviously

2. she is NOT okay with the idea of people dying FOR her and I will get into that also

3. Of course spoilers for VLR and ZTD will be in this post, and while 999 isn't really going to be discussed at all since she's not in that game by proxy as sequels they will spoil it too. So please I'd reccomend only reading this if you've played all 3 games and/or are okay with spoilers if you haven't. But I won't be giving exposition to the plot here.

4. Additionally, I'm going to warn for talks of a lot of death (obviously), trauma, and self destructive behavior/suicidal ideation. Radical-6 by nature IS going to cause this but the nature of the topic also means the things I'm going to be talking about in the way Phi views herself is going to be a little fucked up. She's fucked up.

5. Any screenshots used will likely be taken trom someone's playthrough or the LP Archive, however I'm planning on just inserting quotes into the text when possible.

anyways!!! here comes the analysis. LONG post incoming

TABLE OF CONTENTS (only I-VI are in this post)

- VLR -

I. SURVIVAL OF THE SELFISH

II. K END

III. RADICAL-6

IV. ANOTHER TIME

- ZTD -

I. SURVIVAL OF THE SELFISH

V. AFTERMATH

VI. FIRE

VII. OUTBREAK

VIII. SUPPRESSION

IX. SELF-DEFINITION

At the start of Virtue's Last Reward and throughout most of the plot mostly early game Phi could very well be described as a selfish person. She acts in her own self interest primarily and will betray others if it means guaranteeing her own survival. It's not that she's completely against cooperation, otherwise the end wouldn't happen, and she isn't willing to go so far as to kill to save herself, but this is still important to consider. One day I'll get more into the nature of trust and how she pushes people away but I'm just going to mention it a bit here. The nature of the AB Game requires complicated moral dilemmas like this. Some characters are more selfish or selfless than others and will betray or ally in specific circumstances, and during the start of VLR, Phi could definitely be seen as the latter.

SIGMA: Damn... you're pretty cold, you know that? PHI: I prefer bold, but whatever. I just don't let emotions get in the way.

This is an interesting line in of itself that she doesn't actually LIKE being perceived as cold - and states here that she just "doesn't let emotions get in the way". Which I assume is both her own and other people's. Despite her cold and unemotional demeanor she does really feel a lot of things quite deeply, as evidenced by Way too many scenes for me to list, it's just something she tries not to let get in the way of decision making. Usually. This is important. But what's also important is her actual opinion on acting this way, on routes where she talks about the Prisoner's Dilemma:

PHI: In this game, if each individual acts for the benefit of the whole group, everyone benefits. But if everyone starts looking out for themselves, it'll impact the group negatively... And eventually it'll impact them negatively too. If all of us choose "betray" then the group gets 0 points. Ultimately, nobody benefits. Not even the individual. In other words, selfish but logical decisions hurt everyone, and they hurt you.

before I get into what this means, I'll also bring up this segment:

SIGMA: What you're saying is that I should pick "ally". PHI: No. I mean the opposite. SIGMA: What?! PHI: If you're going to make the most logical choice here, the only option is "betray". SIGMA: What?! Why?! You just explained why that was a terrible idea! PHI: No, I didn't. It's not the prisoner's solution. It's the prisoner's dilemma. Even though there's an outcome where everybody's happy, the choice you'd have to make for that outcome isn't the rational one. You want to pick it, but you can't. A dilemma.

This is at its core the heart of how the AB Game works, really. The ideal of the game WOULD be for everyone to Ally and escape together, which is what happens in Phi End, but not with countless (we see 20+) other timelines in which that doesn't happen because of various reasons that people can't cooperate or die too soon. It's a dilemma. You can't really guarantee how the other person will act, unless it's someone like Dio or Luna who will almost exclusively Betray or Ally respectively, but even they don't always act that way and have reasons for doing so. It's incredibly difficult and perhaps even ridiculous to expect all 9 players - all strangers - to vote Ally, especially with preconceived notions of eachother and secret personal goals to escape. And Phi is incredibly conscious of this. She knows she can't trust anyone to for sure Ally, but Betraying is a "safe" option especially in the first round and the more logical to protect yourself. Even if it means getting others into the 1 BP territory. She plays the game carefully. Even though in the first round she isn't actually supposed to know that dropping to 0 BP or below will kill you and only really knows because of morphogenetic field/time jump stuff, based on that inexplicable feeling she acts this way. The fact that everyone Allies in Phi End at the later point is almost a fucking miracle.

There's a lot I could go into in terms of Phi and the nature of trust in the AB Game but my main focus for bringing this up is protecting herself to survive. A desire to stay alive, in some way, e.g. instances where she has only 1 BP.

In contrast to all the Phi End talk here's the "everyone Betrays" scenario on tbe way to Alice End. Naturally Betraying when going against Dio is the logical option but there's a LOT of risk involved here.

ALICE: Two other people just tried to kill someone! SIGMA: Phi and Dio. ALICE: Yes! If Dio had chosen "ally", Phi would have killed Tenmyouji. And if she'd chosen "ally", Dio would have killed her.

Funnily enough this is not the only time Dio attempts to kill Phi (see: Dio End which Phi also DOES retaliate at him for. i love violence). But my point is here the weight in the decisions here. Both Allying OR Betraying is insanely risky for Phi in this scenario. An Ally, and Dio has no qualms with letting her die. With Tenmyouji out of the picture to take care of Quark, Betraying is the safest option. Even Alice says it's a "valid defensive move". But what's really interesting is the conversations this sparks.

TENMYOUJI: Hmph. Hard to trust someone who tried to kill me. PHI: Same to you. I told you letting Dio vote was a stupid idea. What did you think he was going to do? You might as well have pressed the button yourself! TENMYOUJI: I couldn't just leave Quark alone. PHI: That's no excuse. And where do you get off telling me I shouldn't have picked "betray"? Did you even think that through? What, I was supposed to pick "ally"? If I'd done that, I'd be dead right now! TENMYOUJI: I could say the same thing to you! Damn good thing Dio didn't choose "ally"!

This conversation is so so interesting to me. It puts a rift between Phi and Tenmyouji where there wasn't before because the other could've been killed, and Dio stands in the way of all of this by virtue of voting for Tenmyouji. There's a LOT I could say here especially on Tenmyouji's sake about Quark, but my focus is Phi here. Take a look at the text I put in bold above - "If I'd done that, I'd be dead right now". Which doesn't mean a whole lot on its own other than that Phi is willing to protect her own life at this point, but keep this in mind for future reference as it's a major contrast from a lot of other things she says on the topic of death.

II. K END

I'm not going to preface this by listing everything that happens in this ending, but all you need to know is at the point I'm focusing on, eventually K(yle), Dio, and Phi need to go through one of the white Chromatic Doors together. That's the only way they can go through. Dio is killed and has his bracelet smashed and nonfunctional which leaves both Kyle and Phi up for a penalty. Death. That's the gist of it, at least. Of course I know that Kyle was the one that killed Dio and smashed his bracelet in a fucked up way of seeing if Sigma would pick Phi or him as a method of testing his father's love, but really, the focus of my analysis here is on Phi as one of the sole remaining survivors in this ending. Many of the lines in this end are self-explanatory so I won't comment too much on the ones I selected but I pulled a few I felt were relevant.

PHI: Go on ahead, Sigma. You have those bracelets K gave you, right? You should be able to get through the secondary door with those. So just— SIGMA: Fuck that! You know I can't just ditch you guys like that!

^ Phi is surprisingly okay with the idea of Sigma just leaving them to die (likely since him staying behind puts his life at risk too, and as will be shown she does not like the idea of people dying for HER)

More text incoming as Sigma decides to have Phi be the one to be saved with the neostigmine due to Kyle's armor and Sigma not even thinking about himself. This is one of the most interesting parts of the route to me:

PHI: S-Sigma... What the hell...did you... SIGMA: I injected you with neostigmine... It's a type of cholinesterase inhibitor...It's the antidote to the muscle relaxant... PHI: Why did you...pick...me?

A bit self explanatory here and will make a bit more sense when discussing Fire but I really like Phi asking why she would be the one to survive. It's interesting IDK

PHI: No... Screw this... I don't want...to live if it means...being in debt...to you... No...goddamn...way... I'm not...gonna...

Once again pay very close attention to the highlighted text. That particular line is fucking fascinating to me. There's the idea of a "debt" to be paid with sacrifice here, as if she feels she owes Sigma some eternal debt that she can never repay in this timeline. And that's not worth living for in her eyes. She doesn't want to live with that weight. But she's doomed, in a tragic way, to survive it. I'll continue more on this idea when I get to Fire in ZTD on the nature of Phi being incredibly against sacrifices made for her life to be saved, but for now I think it's just worth pointing out how much she hates the idea. Hell this dialogue implies she would rather have just been let to die than to live with Sigma's sacrifice weighing on her and that's fucking interesting. And also really sad. Being forced to live in a doomed timeline where only a few people are alive is almost worse (if memory serves right I think Quark is still alive here but then again he's a 10 year old child). Nothing is elaborated on further in this timeline as Phi passes out from the anesthetic and Sigma and Kyle die, but this is a timeline where she's doomed to wake up eventually to their dead bodies. Not many people are left here other than Quark and maybe Luna. It's a dead end.

III. RADICAL-6

I was going to have to talk about Radical-6 eventually, wasn't I. Before I really get into this I'll mention the obvious: one of Rad6's main symptoms is causing suicidal ideation. This isn't shown outright with Phi in particular at any point, but she does show the symptoms, in its most extreme way, in Clover End.

SIGMA (NARRATION): In the middle of the lake of blood, like an island of flesh, were bodies. They were a bloody tangle of lifeless limbs and dead eyes, with too much blood and chaos for me to tell who was who. Had they sliced themselves open? Or stabbed one another? I couldn't tell.

Phi slices her own throat.

The effects of Rad6 are, obviously not actually a person's real intentions nor are they thinking clearly to do so, but it's still worth addressing in this case because Phi will very likely remember this ending in Zero Time Dilemma. She very well has the possibility to remember what it's like to feel feelings exacerbated and caused by the virus and the act of suicide itself because of all the esper shenanigans possible here. So although this says little about Phi's ACTUAL intentions and opinions towards death because of Rad6's influence, it's still a point I felt was worth mentioning due to that. And it's hard to discuss the topics of death and suicide without bringing up Rad6 in some capacity.

IV. ANOTHER TIME

As stated I'll go into Another Time End a little bit but mostly just exploring the idea of more doomed timelines here. This is where I managed to put the dialogue from failing to disarm the bombs in Phi End.

PHI: Our time's up. This is it. Before...well, before it ends... I wanted to tell you thanks. You knew we were about to die, but you still stuck with me. A lot of people wouldn't have done that. You're a good person. There's...one more thing. ...I'm glad I met you. The moment I saw you, you seemed...familiar. Anyway, thanks. It looks like our time's almost up. Hopefully the others will make it. There isn't much hope for us, though. I think this is— SIGMA: Don't you dare say "goodbye." PHI: ...What? SIGMA: We'll meet again. Somewhere. Somewhen. I guarantee it.

Sigma is right, by the way, in terms of things like SHIFTing its entirely possible he was alluding to that here, but it's the sentiment that matters. Dying is not either of their decisions at that point, and a cruel fate since this timeline only exists when neither of them can find the necessary passwords. And god is this interesting. Granted this says more about how much Sigma actually truly meant to Phi as much as she refuses to admit it but I still feel it's relevant. This is what happens when a threat of death becomes fate. I want to point out a specific part of that segment just because it's really interesting to me:

PHI: [...] You knew we were about to die, but you still stuck with me. A lot of people wouldn't have done that. [...]

I can't really explain why I like this line so much. But this entire part is a really interesting moment of an example of character growth, even if it spans however many timelines Phi ended up seeing and jumping between. And this line... I don't know. I'm not sure if it's a comment on that most people wouldn't stick with her specifically or just most people are selfish by nature, but either way I really like it. The focus of this analysis isn't Sigma and Phi's incredibly close dynamic even though they rarely will actually admit how much they mean to each other but it's so so necessary to think about I think. Despite everything, all the deaths and betrayal and hardship, Phi's glad she met Sigma. On the topic of character growth and/or Phi caring about others more than she lets on, though, there's also this part from the same excerpt:

PHI: [...] Hopefully the others will make it. There isn't much hope for us, though. [...]

It's important to think about the fact that Phi isn't completely selfish and cruel. She has her moments and is notoriously very cold and blunt but is nowhere NEAR the level of selfish that people like Dio reach and at least cares enough about the safety of others to hope they're okay. There's way too much other evidence for me to bring up the fact that she does actually care about people more than she lets on (especially Sigma and Quark most notably), so I'm not going to bring up every single piece of evidence that proves this but there's a lot. My point is that even though she has her relatively selfish and cold moments in VLR a lot of them can already be justified as an act of self-defense AND she's got a lot of actually genuinely caring moments beneath face value. She's just got a bit of a prickly exterior and isn't really used to people getting close. And by this end she's already begun to warm up to getting a bit closer to the participants of the third Nonary Game (bar Dio obviously she still very much hates him in this timeline)

This is relevant because very soon I'll be getting into the changes she goes through between VLR's Phi End and ZTD, so really understanding how she operates throughout VLR is necessary for really getting into the change. Setting up a basis for how she acted before and contrasting it to her ZTD characterization - that's pretty much what I'm doing here.

I want to go more into Another Time END a bit later (in the context of D-END 1 and in the context of her self-definition) but I'm putting this quote here for necessity and to get you thinking. Pay very close attention to the text I put in bold.

PHI: I'm kind of an unknown variable in this situation. You could think of me as a kind of... x-factor. It's taken me the last three and a half months to understand it. ?: And I haven't understood anything in the last three and a half seconds. Could you please explain? PHI: It's kind of like the relationship between classical mechanics and modern physics. Strictly speaking, you can't combine velocities with (v1 + v2). (v1 + v2) / (1 + (v1 x v2) / c^2) is the actual equation. Of course, the sort of velocities we encounter in day-to-day life don't come close to being c^2, which is the speed of light squared. That means that (1 + (v1 x v2) / c^2) is usually going to evaluate to something pretty close to 1. Since that would mean dividing by 1, it's usually okay to just skip that step and use (v1 + v2). You see what I'm saying? In most situations it works, even if it isn't technically correct.

And this, from the part where Sigma and Phi jump back in time to stop Dio from killing Akane. I don't have too much commentary on it but in the grand scheme of things I felt it needed to go somewhere.

SIGMA: People have died for this. I mean, let's count how many different ways people died... Murder, antimatter explosion, suicide... I've died. So has Phi. So have you.

V. AFTERMATH

AKANE: The purpose of the AB Project was to send the two of you into the past. Or your minds, at least. In order for that to happen, some death was necessary. When a human brain is faced with danger, its processing speed increases. Information is processed more quickly, and time almost seems to slow—a few seconds can feel like an eternity.

I don't think I have to prove that the events of all three main Games across the ZE series are incredibly traumatic for everyone involved. Junpei in ZTD is the most extreme representation of this but practically nobody really leaves any of these games the same. Granted, danger is necessary for a SHIFT to occur - as stated above and in many other parts of the series danger increases esper abilities - but this does not make the presence of danger any LESS catastrophic to Fucking You Up Quite A Bit. Most espers end up remembering their own deaths by the end of it all. While one of the less obvious cases, Phi does seem to clearly be damaged quite a bit by the events of VLR at least in my opinion.

She has virtually no dialogue in the written Prologue, so instead the best I'm getting for this part of the game is the flashback in Fire with her and Diana:

DIANA: Something the matter? PHI: No, not really... It's been three days since I came to Dcom… But nothing's happened. Nothing strange at all…

[...]

PHI: Hey, Diana. I want to ask you something... Would you mind…giving me a hug? DIANA: …Huh? PHI: I'm just... really tired...

I don't think I have to go into detail how especially the last part is a stark contrast from how she acts throughout almost all of VLR. She lets herself be vulnerable and exposed to Diana in a way she really doesn't allow other to people see here and it's so fascinating to me. Diana is someone she can trust to let down her barriers. Someone Phi can actively ask for support when she needs it as much as she doesn't want to admit she does. Their dynamic is REALLY interesting and what this is really indicative of is too I think. The first quote brings up her, Sigma, and Akane's time at DCOM specifically to stop the spread of Radical-6 - and they've got a few days of DCOM where nothing happens. Only a few, granted, mentally Phi has just experienced VLR and went straight to DCOM afterwards, but even these few days feel strange now that nothing's happening. After experiencing the insanity that is VLR this completely makes sense that it's just weird to be in some sort of neutral zone where nothing's happening but it's STATED to happen. And it does, the Decision Game happens later, but how does it feel to just be in wait? The second quote is interesting, also, as she lays it out plainly: she's tired. Maybe this is just situational and not a result of exhaustion or anything similar but I do believe it definitely impacted her to a great amount - as evidenced by her change in behavior to ZTD. She's much more trusting and has learned that since, but much more self-sacrificing at the same time. These next few quotes I'll elaborate on more in the self-definition segment, but they're important:

DIANA: "Not even gods can return to the past, so live in the moment so you have no regrets." That's not the right interpretation? PHI: Well, if you take it at face value. I guess that'd make sense, if I was a normal human being. DIANA: Does that mean that you're not?

This is what Phi and Diana say about Phi's brooch - "Not even jupiter can find a lost opportunity". Phi's wording is interesting, here - she's talking about her status as an esper, but as of this point in the story that's something Diana's not supposed to know (never mind her being one), but her phrasing as labelling herself "not a normal human being" is really really interesting. She certainly isn't, but it feels all the more permanent - can she ever go back? Will she ever be able to? What's considered 'normal' to her? Similarly,

PHI: Hey, this isn't normal, right? DIANA: It is. You're a completely normal girl, Phi.

Not a lot I can say here - I want to roughly try to stay on topic, but in terms of analysis I really like this line. Phi doesn't consider what she's doing 'normal', at least not with someone she barely has met. I also really like Diana's response to this; she reassures Phi by telling her that this is normal, what she's feeling is okay and normal to feel, and she is too. While Phi isn't 'normal' by definition of not being an esper, despite the weight of the world on her shoulders and her cold exterior she is still human. She's not perfect, she DOES feel things, and that's okay. This has gone slightly off topic but I feel like this part's worth mentioning somewhere in the grand scheme of things or for ANY analysis at all, and will be brought up again in the self-definition section. But there's more to Phi and Diana's relationship once the actual Decision Game begins, and what it means for Phi's idea of her own self-worth.

VI. FIRE

SYSTEM: Incinerator startup... will now commence. Incineration in... thirty minutes.

This is the big one. The big fragment I've been building to, and part of the reason I wrote this analysis at all instead of focusing on a different theme related to Phi such as family or trust (both interesting still, though). Once again, I won't preface this by explaining the fragment - but here, Phi's in the incinerator (reminiscent of 999...). A lot of the way she acts here is of major interest to me, especially after the puzzle room - notably she's incredibly self-sacrificing. I won't say that she's completely apathetic to her death, because she isn't:

PHI: I need to stop firing myself up or else I really will be… PHI: ...Stay calm, Phi.

But, I mean, who wouldn't when placed with the threat of burning to death. It's a slow and painful way to die, at that. But you'll see a lot throughout this fragment is Phi's mentality of "rather me than them" - as painful as death is, at this point she'd rather be the martyr to save their lives than the opposite.

PHI: Diana and Sigma are over there... Damn! Why am I here... But it's better that I'm the only one who got locked in.

At this point she doesn't know her death would save their lives (the true rules of the decision in this fragment haven't been revealed), but is still willing to be the martyr as she's the only one currently at risk of dying as far as all of D-Team knows. Maybe it's because she can SHIFT out, maybe it's because she sees herself as a worthy sacrifice, maybe it's both. This is also all the more noteworthy knowing she and Sigma both remember VLR - they've both died, both had to make sacrifices, and been through many of the same circumstances. Although where it is in their memory is different - for Phi it's mentally a few days prior and for Sigma it was decades ago but he's spent those decades creating it (and without the ability to talk to Phi) - that doesn't get rid of their bond. Phi's bond with Diana is a little different since the only scene they get is the flashback (if you want my personal opinion, I feel like Phi should have taken a bit longer to trust her or at least be wary; maybe not as slowly as it took her to trust Sigma, but it feels out of nowhere IMO. it could still show her development with coming to trust people but still provide an interesting and heartbreaking bond), but nevertheless still important. And then comes the decision.

DELTA: Diana, both of their lives rest upon your decision.

PHI: How dare you not consider everyone else's feelings, Sigma! What if the shot is a live bullet?! Do you really want Diana to end up blowing your head off with her own hands?!

What does Diana do? Sacrifice Phi's life for a guaranteed chance of saving Sigma? Or risk Sigma's life - a 50/50 chance of him living - to save Phi?

This analysis isn't about Sigma so I won't go too far into detail about his lines, but the important thing is that he's willing to risk his life for Phi - and it's the logical decision in his mind, since there's a chance of everybody living. If Phi dies, someone's guaranteed to die, but if Diana shoots Sigma, there's a 50% chance they all make it out alive. It's the more pragmatic decision, however Phi is very against it.

It feels a bit like the expected roles they'd play have reversed since VLR, or at least for a scenario like this. In a way, she's right - Sigma barely considers the fact that he might die. And the implication of her bringing up Diana is also a really interesting point of consideration that Sigma also doesn't think about - Phi knows Diana won't be able to handle the guilt of killing Sigma. She knows that, and in the timeline where that does happen, she's right. Sigma's sacrifice isn't just a simple detached death like with Phi's; if Diana chooses to shoot Sigma and he does die, she had an active role in his death. Which is sort of the complexity behind the trolley problem in the first place (it essentially is a sort of trolley problem - except there's a chance they'll both live and both victims are asking to be a martyr to save the other). I also want to call to attention Phi's specific wording of everyone; she mentions just Diana at the end, but given her difficulty with expressing her own feelings it doesn't feel like a stretch to assume that this is about her feelings too. Looking at her reaction in the ending where Sigma DOES die (which I will get to), it's clear she really can't bear to lose Sigma either. Not after everything. Not after all of this.

DIANA: But Phi, if I don't pull the trigger, you'll... PHI (facing away): Don't worry about me.

Like I said, she seems to believe herself to be expendable in this situation. Sigma can't die - she can't handle that, but in her eyes, she can. If it means he and Diana live. She basically asks Diana to let her be the sacrifice, even though there's a chance they can all make it out alive. I also will point out that while Phi had some moments of this in VLR, this is a stark contrast between her much more self-interested characterization there. Also, note what I wrote down in the quote - while ZTD's models aren't the best or the most expressive, I think it's an interesting detail that she faces away from them for a moment and while saying this. So what's Diana meant to do? Pull the trigger, and leave open the possibility of everyone living while it risks her killing Sigma? Or let Phi burn to death? Sigma wants her to pull it - it's the more pragmatic choice, they can all live, maybe - and Phi wants to ensure that Sigma won't die. Even if it means she burns to death. We're able to see all three options, but most of them aren't pretty.

As it's the shortest of all three options by a long shot, I'm going to first discuss Shoot: Live; where Diana shoots Sigma and he dies. There's not much to preface this with other than what's on the tin: Sigma has died by Diana's hand in an effort to save Phi.

PHI (crying): Why?! Why did you do it?! You murderer! Murderer! I wasn't... I didn't matter at all! I didn't...! I didn't...! So why... Why did you...

Yeah. It's a pretty heartbreaking route, and probably the most emotional Phi is seen as being apart from near the end where she yells at Delta, maybe. Every part of her that she's held together up to this point just falls apart. The subtitles/captions don't do it justice as her VA sounds a bit more like she's struggling to get out what she wants to say at all. Like as if she's so upset and broken by witnessing Sigma die right in front of her, and FOR her, that she basically breaks down right here. Hell, right after this line she stops actually saying anything and just cries until Diana picks up the gun. (side note: not to nitpick but the some of pauses here sound like the type of pause that would be used with an em dash rather than an ellipsis. take that as you will)

It's easy to wonder why she'd call Diana a murderer, of all things, considering the extremity of that accusation and Phi KNOWING she was forced into that situation, but once again you have to consider Phi's emotional state. It doesn't even sound like she's speaking clearly, and grief and trauma makes people do and say pretty fucked up things sometimes (and especially when it's someone so close to you. Phi also WATCHED Sigma die). Given the fact that she already didn't seem to be doing the best in the first place it mostly just seems to be something she said in the moment out of grief rather than an accusation with any real weight behind it. It's not completely out of nowhere - and may imply some sort of resentment towards Diana for choosing to pick that (which I will also get into in Shoot: Blank) - but my point is this line should be taken with a major grain of salt. Maybe some of it comes from somewhere, such as hidden feelings suddenly being vocalized and taken to their extreme, but not all of it may be how she really feels and just an inflation due to her mental state.

Another thing to consider is her constant questioning of why - why would Diana ever pick Sigma over her? Why would she make that decision? Phi can't fathom it. Even though Sigma did say it's the more logical situation because that means there's a chance they all could've survived, she still doesn't understand that she'd even be worth sacrifice. See the K End segment for more on Phi hating people - especially Sigma - sacrificing themselves for her (I'll get to it in Suppression but she seems to cope better when the death isn't FOR her to live, if it is she seems to deal with it a lot worse), but here its taken to its extreme.

I also need to point out the text in bold. It's so so important to this I think. She doesn't think she's worth the sacrifice. She didn't matter, doesn't matter, so why would Diana do it? Why would she risk Sigma's life? Again I'll point out that Phi's self-sacrificing nature here could be a result of many things; maybe because she can SHIFT out and she's done it before (too many times, maybe), maybe because she's just that willing to die for Sigma and Diana to live, maybe it's a mix of it all, and any of those could ring true here. But my point is that it seems like she doesn't understand Diana's decision or that she could really be worth dying for. She didn't matter, after all. (once again, take this with a grain of salt, but still.)

This route ends not long after this but I do want to mention how much of a horrifying dead end it is. Phi was right about Diana being unable to handle the guilt, and she kills herself - leaving Phi alone. On the topic of how Phi's more emotional here than before, she literally screams at the end of the fragment before the "Game Over" screen plays. This is the worst possible end to Fire, I think - two people die instead of the expected one, and the sole survivor is struggling to cope with even one of the two deaths she just witnessed. That was enough to cause her to break down completely. Adding onto that another death of someone she cares about, especially a suicide, is A Lot. For anyone it would be. It makes sense why it just ends right there; where else would it go, really, and anything that could happen is fairly bleak, but it's interesting to think about. Anthropic Principle confirms she lives, and considering the revelation that all of D-Team is poisoned from the start in Don't Shoot it implies she drank the antidote. But where does she even go from there? In the timeline where C-Team all dies, she ends up as the sole survivor, even. I don't know. But it's an interesting thing to think about for an absolutely heartbreaking and tragic end. It's a dead end, really. What's Phi meant to do now? After all this? After losing the people she cared about?

in the second part I'll continue starting from Shoot:Blank - but the rest of the analysis will go there. i'll link it in this post once it's done! i'll even include some deleted lines from Fire from TCRF because they're quite interesting ! feel free to leave any commentary you have (so far) in tags or replies because i'd love to hear :} (also note: everything up to near the end of Aftermath was written months ago, the rest was written in the past few days)

[outofangband]

Since I changed my blog header, I thought I’d revisit this scene

At the moment I’m thinking about Húrin and Sador’s accounts of their ancestors.

“Were they afraid?” said Túrin

“It may be,” said Sador, “ it may be that they fled from the fear of the Dark, only to find it here before us, and nowhere else to fly but the Sea.”

Note: it does seem that when dark is capitalized, In this sort of circumstance. It refers specifically to the shadow of Morgoth. It is in, especially interesting line for so many reasons, and one of those is because the humans are the children of the Sun. They were born under the light, and yet they fled from the fear of the dark.*

Sador says that much lore of them is forgotten, even their names. This goes back to that motif in the Narn of knowledge being forgotten and there being an omission darkness in that forgetting.

Húrin says more on this to Morgoth. He talks of Morgoth’s attempts to manipulate and intimidate them

“Do you forgot to whom you speak? Such thing you spoke long ago to our fathers, but we escape from your shadow, and now we have knowledge of you, for we have looked on the faces that have seen the light and heard the voices that I’ve spoken with Manwë.”

This is similar to what was said a few chapters ago. “His heart was high with hope, and he had little fear, for the outcome of the battle for did not seem to him that any strength in middle earth could overthrow the Maya and splendor of the Eldar…They have seen the light in the west he said, and in the end darkness must flee from their faces.”

It is also in many ways, the opposite of what Sador had said. They both agree that their ancestors in the east lived under a shadow, and tried to escape that shadow.

Sador doesn’t think they succeeded; I’m reminded of his line about how a man who flies from his fear, may find that he has only taken a shortcut to meet it. This, it seems is what befell their ancestors. They fled from the shadow in the east only to find themselves oppressed by it more than ever and now there is nowhere to go, because further west has been barred from them.

To Húrin, despite the fact that when their ancestors came west, they settled in the lands beneath the fortress of Morgoth, their growing alliance with the elves and their own courage in defiance of that shadow might not mean that they have escaped the shadow completely but they may yet withstand it.

Also I have an upcoming post about this but I’m also thinking, Morwen might not particularly like Sador but there are a lot of similarities in their outlooks, even if the ways they express them are very different. Mentally putting “from high places it is easy to fall low” next to “you aim high but I fear to fall low”.

*Note: I do not have the space or time to go into this right now, but I’m putting a mental note here to talk more later about when dark is capitalized in Tolkien’s work and when it’s not. There is a really fascinating example in the wanderings of Húrin where the word shadow is used twice in somewhat similar circumstances, and one is capitalized, and one is not, and in my opinion, it implies a very different understanding of what’s happening between the two characters in question.

Manthor says that grief has darkened Húrin’s eyes and says “Thou bringest a shadow with thee, Húrin Thalion, in which lesser shadows grow darker.” Húrin says he lived long in the Shadow but did not yield to it but that while grief has robbed him of his light he takes no part in the Shadow (of Morgoth). It’s very notable where ‘shadow’ is capitalized here and where it’s not. Manthor seems to be using a different understanding of shadow than Húrin is. 

Anyways I’ll write more about this later

[defire]

Hi, I was just wondering what your advice might be for starting a whump blog?

Ok here's what I'd do if I were you! Always do things how they work for you though! (Grain of salt and all that) :)

Advice for starting a whump blog

Ask yourself what you want from your blog--to save ideas for yourself? Share your work? What kind of work do you want to share? I recommend choosing something you already do all the time that is just a consistent thing about you. (Mine is writing books, and lists.) This way, you'll be able to keep giving to the community without burning out because it's something you WANT to do.

Name your blog after your vibe (no pressure, you can change it). I just named myself defire because I like orange, people call me a firebrand, and "thefire" was taken.

If you don't want people seeing your content you can always change that setting (I think it's "visibility" or something.)

Make a masterpost with 1: what your blog shares, 2: Your favorite whump tropes, and 3: something about your personality that will probably be part of your interactions. (Optional. Mine is "I'm autistic and I want to reduce shame for survivors.") You can share some of these in your bio and some in the masterpost.

Pin the master post. If your blog evolves later you can always go back and edit it.

Share your posts/reblogs. If you want attention, look at how other people tag posts similar to yours, and use the same tags, that way you'll draw in people that are interested in that same content. i recommend sharing consistently if you want your account to have more followers.

Interact with the community (optional, but it provides a direct link to your personality.)

Just enjoy your collection :)

[as-if-and-only-if]

Yeah! :D But, hmm—I think you might be underestimating Lean a bit! :) As of Lean 4, Lean is a Turing-complete general purpose programming language as well! (And is often nonconstructive! It (in)famously has nonconstructivity in core, and has resisted PRs that make it more constructive.)

It might be interesting for me to detail how it manages to still be practical…or, at least, that gives me an excuse to talk about Lean. :)

Lean also has panic!, but it relies on having an instance of Inhabited for the type, which means you have provided some special default element earlier: you are actually constructing some element of the type, you’re just also logging that you hit a panic (and only aborting if you have a certain “extralinguistic” flag set, which is not usually set). You can’t write def x : Empty := panic! "yikes!", because you could never have constructed an Inhabited instance for Empty. But in Rust, you can write x: never { exit() } (or, the same thing but with correct syntax)!

Lean’s partial def escape hatch for non-terminating definitions still requires that everything statically typechecks, and with no inhabitants of Empty lying around, well…you can diverge, but not abort (weird panic flag excepted).

Lean also uses imperative-style do notation for monadic code, so things like continue, break, and return in e.g. for loops all behave in a familiar way, but typecheck without Empty. (Note that you can summon the identity monad with Id.run, so you can use imperative style whenever you want; as such this sort of style is pretty prevalent in lean code.)

I will mention that Lean has a couple more things “outside” the type system which affect its runtime behavior: code can be marked as noncomputable (useful in math)…and there’s a special sorry axiom in the type system. It’s exactly like what I called explode earlier in that sorry can polymorphically inhabit any type; but unlike Rust’s system, you can’t execute any code that uses sorry, and it’s carefully detected in theorems. Surprise! You can explode Lean’s type system; it just always lets you know when you have and refuses to execute exploded code (or, well, it refuses to compile (or interpret, depending on how you’re running Lean) the code in the first place when sorry is present, so there is no executable code to execute).

(The practical use of this, of course, is during theorem proving: it lets you apologize to the type system when saying “yeah, I know this is true, and I’ll prove it later; let me get on with things in the meantime”.)

Lean will probably never be an extremely performant language like Rust, but it does let you write typesafe code with stronger guarantees. You know that any non-partial definition of type X which starts being computed will eventually produce a term of type X; and that any partial definition will always either have produced a term of type X or still be computing that term. (As long as you don’t let lean abort by setting LEAN_ABORT_ON_PANIC, of course.) And imo it’s pretty painless! :)

But as you can see, you’re right: there are still workarounds so you can Just Code. The difference, I suppose, is how these workarounds are (or aren’t) integrated into the type system

I wonder what people have called this distinction between the interpretation of types in e.g. Lean and Rust. It must have a name, surely…?

Rust’s never type is wild to me.

So, if you’re not familiar with type theory, the empty type, which we’ll denote ∅ here (which Rust calls never, but more on that later) is the type with no elements.

But…how do you actually say that the type “has no elements” within the type theory?

You can’t say something like ¬∃x, x : ∅, in part because inside most type theories, this statement doesn’t even make sense: we need to know the type of x when bound, and more importantly, typing judgments like x : ∅ are not statements you can make within the theory itself.

Actually, you often don’t even want to use ¬ at all: we want to define ¬P in terms of ∅ as P → ∅ ! This is because having an element of the empty type would (if all goes well) be a contradiction, so if you can construct such a contradiction out of P (i.e. ->), then P must be false. ∅ is near the foundations, so we don’t have much to work with when setting up its meaning.

What we can do is encode the principle of explosion, i.e. that given an element of the empty type (a contradiction!) we can derive anything.

That is, we have an axiom explode : ∀(A : Type), ∅ → A. For any type A, give me an element x of ∅, and I will hand you an element of that type (namely explode A x : A).

(If you’re familiar, ignore universe polymorphism/Type vs. Prop and the fact that A isn’t a type family.)

This is what makes the empty type the empty type. If we didn’t include this axiom, the empty type would have no real emptiness behavior besides “gee, I can’t quite figure out how to make an element of this type”. You wouldn’t know it’s empty, since there would be no consequences to finding out that something has type ∅.

(Aside: this axiom fits into a very general pattern of what it means to define a type inductively, and lets us do “induction on the empty type”. It’s not ad-hoc!)

———

So it should be clear that if you ever do find an element of ∅, your theory is inconsistent, as you can prove anything you want.

Which is why Rust’s empty type, called never, is pretty neat. To me, someone who does not know Rust, and who literally opened the docs as soon as I installed them, scrolled down, and said “ooh, what’s never?”

See, Rust expressions can have type never. (I’m calling them expressions; I don’t know if this is what rustaceans call them)

But, how?! Surely that breaks everything! Well…yes. Which is why the only way to maintain consistency is to have these expressions break everything.

Let me explain: the things with type never never return a value (hence the name). They diverge: they’re things like exit or break or infinite loops.

And thanks to the explode axiom, these expressions can be coerced to any type. For example, you can say x: u32 = { exit() }, and Rust will say “makes sense to me”. (Apologies for any bad Rust syntax.)

This is—surprisingly!—fine.

exit() : never, just like any element of the empty type, really is a contradiction in the type system, but being able to write it in Rust code doesn’t actually make the type system inconsistent—since we leave the type system as soon as it’s encountered. (Or, in the case of an infinite loop, we never manage to actually finish constructing a value of never.)

So, while the syntax of Rust can contain “contradictions”, they never get the chance to behave as contradictions in the model of Rust’s type system formed by the values it constructs at runtime. I.e. running a real program never invalidates the type system. We’re saved from the runtime nonsense that would be created by explode A x by having the system actually explode instead.

There’s something to be said for this, but it is weird. Saying “x : u32” in Rust is apparently scoped in a certain way: it says “as long as the value we call x exists, it has type u32.” It doesn’t guarantee the existence of something with type u32.

This means that you don’t actually have to break the whole type system to use never; you just have to break the context in which x exists. E.g., if you’re inside a function, then let x: bool { return 500 }, where the return returns to the outer function, is fine. x never finishes being constructed, so the guarantee provided by its type annotation is (vacuously) satisfied.

I wonder if this is linked to the notion of lifetimes in Rust, and how that’s reflected in the theory behind the type system. And I’m not a type theorist (or someone who knows Rust), but I am also curious how type theorists talk about diverging terms; in Lean, for example, a top-level term of type Empty is verboten. You create diverging terms by using the partial keyword, and then you’re prohibited from proving anything about their behavior (but they still have types as usual).

This isn’t the first time people have talked about this, by far, I’m sure; happy to hear any takes (or corrections). Much to learn! :)

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

It might feel like reality fades in, but what it really is—really really, I mean, inasmuch as this is real—is consciousness fading in. Like someone or something else was piloting the body, and control was just wrested back.

Most people would expect to remember what happened before, but this is just... blank; not like it was removed, or by some other violent means taken away, but like it never existed. All there is is light, not bright enough to hurt but not dim enough to hide. There are walls, but they look vaguely damp.

There is probably poison in the air; every breath is moist and the only reason it cannot be smelled is because the body is used to whatever smell haunts this place. It might kill eventually, if death is possible here.

Perhaps there ought to be fear; even emotions are gone, except for an all-pervading sense of dread, too quiet to notice unless it's looked for. Can you hear breathing? What would happen if someone screamed in here? Would it echo, or would it vanish, swallowed by the distance? Feet are noiseless on the perpetually unrepaired carpet.

That means nobody will hear anyone else coming up behind them unless they make an effort to be audible. Behind, there is a continuation of the same walls and passages. Nobody is visible, but there's the sense of someone at the shoulder, hiding, about to do something dreadful; something worse than death, and not in the Victorian sense, but in the real sense, because at least death would be silence, and darkness, and not the whispering hum of fluorescents on their last legs, and not their uneven flickering illuminating unwell yellows.

None of the passages and rooms are arranged in a way that make sense. There is no larger pattern to be seen, and even if memory was infallible, there is no pattern, no matter how far anyone goes. Is sleep possible in here, even that temporary reprieve? Is there food? Will someone waste away here; is there a skeleton just around the next corner? Or behind—look behind again. There is still nobody, and in a way that is worse.

Does the body just... keep going? Is the consciousness fading in because the last one, eventually, faded out entirely?

Or, worse still, is this the only consciousness in the whole—wherever? Is there doomed to be only yellow, uneven colouring, doorways to nowhere, and the muted howl of dying light forever?

[mayashesfly]

A follow up/expansion on the Robot replaces Dead Vox scenario au

For simplicity's sake I'll refer to Vox's robot replacement as the Proxy. And any possible future posts about this au will be tagged under "The Proxy AU"

(Do take note that some of these things may be subject to change as I expand on this au in time)

Thank you @theautotrophic for your questions! ^w^

Vox made the Proxy at first after his fallout with Alastor as a way to let out his self loathing. So Alastor didn't know about it.

The Proxy is almost direct reconstruction of his body but improved to better at handling overheating amongst other things while also having the chest area be more… masculine. (If you headcanon Vox as Trans ontop of my headcanon that he can't exactly have permanent top surgery because sinner regeneration is a bitch)

The biggest difference between Vox and the Proxy is that the Proxy doesn't have alot of shark-like qualities unlike Vox since Vox was still terrified of sharks when he made the Proxy.

So the Proxy doesn't have any dorsal like fins and his tail is a retractable cord tail instead of a retractable shark tail. But it still does have the gills as its vents.

There's also details on his backside specifically that he couldn't replicate because well… It's not like he can see his back.

The Proxy was meant to be Vox's attempt to upgrade his body as a way to cope with his fallout with Alastor. After all, if he can upgrade his head, why can't he upgrade his body?

Unfortunately, he couldn't actually replace his body with the Proxy. And the idea of completely getting rid of it didn't sit right with him since he wasted alot of materials and time into making it.

It'll be a waste to scrap it but it's not like he could admit that he made the Proxy in a state of weakness to his only business partner friend left.

After some time of calming down, he realized that he could use the Proxy as a back up plan if things go south with him.

At this point, he still didn't know he could transfer parts of his memories into flashdrives to download them somewhere else. But he reasoned that he could theoretically make a head for the Proxy and program it to act like him.

So knowing that there's a chance Valentino would see the Proxy because you can't exactly hide a life-sized "improved" replica of your body, he told Valentino that the Proxy could be a backup plan for him if things go south before Valentino could find out about it through other means.

At the time, Valentino was utterly confused and pretty disturbed at the information.

But it was something they never really brought up again since they both wanted to forget it.

Velvette didn't actually know about the Proxy until it happened.

After his close fight with Alastor wherein Valentino intervened before Alastor disappeared, his thoughts went back to the Proxy as he realized that he could actually die.

His media empire with Valentino and Velvette was already growing and if anything happened to him, the technological and broadcasting aspect of their business would fall over without him acting as the head.

And their reputation would take a hit if Valentino and Velvette was forced to rebrand Voxtek in the case of his death. Especially if their competitors sees his death as something that'll weaken the Vees.

He couldn't bare letting the Vees go without an actual backup plan in case something happened to him.

So while he and Valentino healed from the battle with Alastor, he took some time upgrading the Proxy to be up to date and actually modifying and programming it so that it could actually act like him in case something happened.

He didn't bother making the Proxy a head of its own since he knew he always upgraded his head and it would just be a waste of time.

But he did set up a machine that can automatically give the Proxy a head after the head that'll be installed has the proper programming and necessary memories installed inside.

The Proxy doesn't actually have any personality of its own unlike Kitty wherein Vox put in the extra effort to give it some personality thay he knows Valentino would like since it was a gift for him (just like how Vark was a gift for Vox from Val which helped him embraced his shark-like qualities)

The Proxy is programmed to handle broadcasting, interviews, and public meetings. Pretty much every public appearance Vox had to make.

The memories downloaded into the Proxy mostly isn't personal at all, and they mostly only pertain to the business and important aspects of their business. (So it doesn't have any personal memories of Alastor)

Though there are also programmed codes and memories on how to handle Valentino and Velvette to make sure they don't fly off the handle based on Vox's previous interactions. With more emphasis on how to specifically handle a Valentino who's having a fit just in case.

Though when the two of them goes against the programmed interaction the Proxy has on them, then it has some difficulty.

After all, it wasn't like it has anything to work off on on how to handle a grieving Valentino and Velvette.

It takes alot of energy from the Proxy to handle its daily public appearances. And it's unable to do surveillance unlike Vox as any attempts to do so would overload its systems and it'll just crash.

When its not on "public appearance" mode, the Proxy is on a "low power savings" mode around the Vees as it tries to keep up the appearance of a businessman for the other employees. Though it visibly buffers and pauses at times, causing its face to disappear.

Sometimes Valentino and Velvette would manually power it off to be hidden somewhere out of plain sight.

It's a miracle if they could remember to plug it in through its tail cord or its actual charger or another charger so it could recharge.

Something that Vox's assistant has to keep up on consistently unless he wants to reschedule the entire day so that the people who are none the wiser won't be confused or upset that Vox had to reschedule their meetings and other public appearances. (Poor Eelliot)

As for Vox's death well… I'll keep that to your imaginations for now :D

But I will say that one of the reasons Alastor knows Vox is dead is because of how their shared frequency went completely silent.

Meanwhile, the Vees have a contract to ensure that everything the deceased Vee has under their possession would be transferred to the other Vees in the event of their death so that they won't lose any power, souls, properties, and ect that the other Overlords and Kingpins could steal.

Even when Valentino and Velvette didn't know where Vox was or how he died, the both of them physically felt Vox's powers and possessions going to them after he died, confirming his death.

Valentino quickly went to Vox's surveillance and control room to desperately search for him while there was an Extermination going on outside.

It took everything from Velvette to convince him not to go outside when he could also be killed and then Vox would be fucking upset with them.

(Neither of them said a word that there was no more Vox to be upset with them ever again)

When they finally located his body, they quickly collected him discreetly so that noone else would know that the Vees lost its eldest member.

Neither of them said a word as they hugged the cold, lifeless corpse.

A stark contrast to the warmth Vox constantly radiated despite his calm and collected persona.

It took some time for Valentino to finally put Proxy to use.

Some of Vox's shows having a few reruns while he gathers the courage to face the machine.

He had half the mind to completely destroy it beyond repair.

To tear everything down to pieces after he had lost his longest business partner.

But Kitty and Proxy was the only things left that Vox made with his two very own hands.

To have them repaired by someone else other than Vox…..

Well, while Vox may still be the same despite how much he changed…

The same could not be said about the robots he made.

It wouldn't be the same.

When metal and wires could easily be replaced but the soul cannot.

It wouldn't be the same.

Still, he couldn't stop himself as he shattered the screen that showcased it buffering instead of the exasperated but still fond sneer he had gotten used to.

Velvette was absolutely devastated and livid when she found out about Vox's replacement.

She screamed at Valentino, asking him what the fuck he was even thinking and HOW THE FUCK DID HE EVEN ACQUIRE SUCH A THING

Vox never told her about the Proxy and while Velvette could care less about the roofies she makes and the Fizzibot Val has and every worse thing she's done under existence, she couldn't fathom replacing Vox with a mere husk of a pathetic disgusting thing.

She only stopped her shouting when Valentino quietly said it was Vox's idea.

And they both promised that they'll kill whoever decided to hurt the Vees and avenge Vox.

For now it was something both of them could focus on, even if it was a lie.

Valentino will hunt them down no matter what other people may say.

When Alastor saw Vox alive and well after the dead silence in their shared frequency, he first thought it must be a bad dream.

But he knows it was real.

That it happened.

After the confusing feelings he felt upon seeing that familiar face alive and well passed by, anger gripped his soul.

He had half the mind to ruin and destroy that pretender.

Vox was well and truly gone and it'll stay that way if Alastor could help it.

But when he realized what truly happened, he could only laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh at the situation.

And when he calmed down, he deigned to not interact even further at what happened.

Except for mocking the remaining Vees at what had happened to make himself feel better.

[winn-wynn]

Foodcourt Au !!! (Magic Modern Times)

w/ Percy, Oliver, Marcus, Penelope, and Audrey

to start it off it’s the summer before college. They all need jobs to tie them over before school officially starts

Percy works at Smoothie Paradise. He’d be really good at memorizing the recipes. Usually the only one on shift because it doesn’t get that busy. Has fought with a Karen at least once per shift. Has tons of overtime. He needs the money. Manager has talked to him at least for it but at this point lets him have his overtime. Percy is his only regular full time employee.

Penelope works at Cinnabon. She’s really extroverted and friendly with customers. Is very fast and efficient. Always on cashier. Is also the caller to shout out customers names because she has the loudest voice.

Oliver works at Auntie Anne’s. BELIEVES HIS PRETZELS ARE SUPERIOR!!! Runs his little store like a quidditch team. Fast and efficient. Will win. Believes in teamwork but will kick your ass if you’re slacking. Works very fast. Has the pretzel shapes engrained in his mind and hands. Can do it in sleep.

Marcus works at Wetzel’s Pretzels. HIS PRETZELS ARE SUPERIOR OLIVER!!! Works in the back, mostly is the one shaping and baking pretzels. Do not put him on cashier he has no patience. Probably has threatened to kick out customers out at least once per shift.

Audrey works at Panda Express. She loves cooking the back. She does not want to talk to customers. Will do it begrudgingly though. Half -Chinese, so she makes jokes at least once that she’s working for her people even though Panda Express is not authentic. (It’s really Chinese American.) She always cleans as she goes. Refuses to do overtime because of dishes or cleaning the floor. Will get out on time. She will make sure of it.

NOW FOR THE FUN STUFF

They all met on accident because they were closing shifts. They all had a similar break time and sat at the food court tables to eat.

Percy knew Oliver from school so they were eating together. Penelope just plopped herself down and declared she was going to be friends with them because she’s seen them around school. Percy and Oliver just let it happened. They were to shocked. Percy didn’t mind. Oliver was like bombastic side eyes. Penny won Oliver over by her knowledge of quidditch.

Penelope brought Audrey over. They were friends before. Funnily enough Audrey brought Marcus over because she likes drama. She just thought Oliver and Marcus has a lot in common.

Oliver and Marcus were Not Happy TM. They fought like cats and dogs. They growled at each other once. Percy was not amused. He locked them in a janitors closet and said to sort it out.

They did it eventually. They’re still rivals and agreed to a truce. They still fight though.

Obviously, Oliver and Marcus are rivals. They work at different pretzels shops. They go over and fight each other at their place at least twice per shift. Percy is unfortunately stationed next to them and has to stop their fights. Penelope is across from them and watches while eating her cinnamon rolls. Audrey watches exasperated but she can’t say shit because her and Penny bet on when Percy will snap or who will win the fight.

That’s all I have for now. Tell me if you want more !!!

Also in case you don’t read tags, which fair I write goddamn essays, im Chinese. So please don’t take the Panda Express joke too seriously. I make that joke everytime I eat there.

[should-know-better]

More overthinking about “Scared of Love”

Found this interview about OMB that I’d not seen before: x. Here’s the quote from Miles that shook me:

“So I thought: how honest and real can you be? How naked can you be? If you have a song called ‘Scared Of Love’ and you’re talking about being scared of love and someone knowing that you are, there’s this sort of sad understanding from their side as well.”

Erm, can we just think about this comment for a moment please? Because this isn’t something he said years ago, it was said in an interview last year. At the time he said he was single AND he hadn’t been in an official relationship for a while. So when he talks about being scared of love “and someone knowing that you are, there’s this sort of sad understanding from their side as well” surely he’s not referring to an ex? It doesn’t sound like an ex. And would he really be hung up about an ex this long later?? So, that leads me to the conclusion that it must be someone still in his life…

[lord-squiggletits]

The reason this fandom hates IDW Optimus isn't because he's a cop (plenty of people are fine with Prowl) or because he's a bastard (most characters in IDW are) but because he commits the crime of being an actual person who's messy, flawed, and makes a shitload of high stakes mistakes fitting for the intense situations and pressure he's put under constantly.

But we can't have Optimus actually react to his situations by lashing out or being unpleasant, no, he has to have the personality of a cardboard cutout of G1 whose only defining personality traits are "dad, funny, nice," and if he ever vents negative emotions it can only ever be #relatable depression or him being sad on his own without ever letting it show during the important parts of the story. If Optimus dares do things like be angry or frustrated or bitter it's just a sign that he's a bastard and LITERALLY the worst Optimus ever. If Optimus ever makes mistakes or does wrong things in the heat of anger/frustration/stress it's because he's just an evil bastard with no redeeming traits.

God forbid Optimus go through an unending gauntlet of war, politics, atrocities, near-complete loneliness, and a seemingly endless cycle of violence for his entire life and come out of it kind of bitter, angry, and tired of dealing with people's shit. He's not allowed to be a realistic person, context doesn't matter, sympathy doesnt matter. IDW Optimus doesn't fulfill the fandom's fantasies of Father Figure or Perfect Cultural Icon or Twinky Fucktoy and since that's the only reason most people care about Optimus in general, the fandom collectively trashes on IDW OP.

All because he can't fit into the overly simplified and childlike double standard the fandom has where if any other character is messy and flawed, that's good writing and interesting and compelling, but if OPTIMUS is messy and flawed, he's Literally The Worst and he's an asshole for no other reason than He Sucks, context be damned

[etrosgate]

the second readthrough of world trigger is where it really kicks in

[hyperfixation-symposium]

Yaknow, I don't think Bad will be able to escape the island today, but imagine if he did

Has Bad told anyone that he's genuinely going? Has he mentioned to anyone that this attempt is a serious one?

He follows the train tracks, there's something there, a way out for him and his son. He can escape, and he takes Dapper and they go. They're free, of the island and the federation and the code. They can relax.

But there's no way back, no way to send messages to his friends on the island, no way to tell them it worked. Perhaps the Federation is hunting him, trying to see where he went, pull him and Dapper back to the island. Bad has to lay low, keep his wits about him, all while returning to 'normal' life with his egg son.

Then, to the other residents, one of their most trusted, strong, vital friends is gone. There's no goodbye, no indication that he's left, he just stops answering. No one can find them anywhere, nothing major is left of the duo aside from the things they made. Foolish even finds his way out to the building they were going to make their new home, sure he's just hiding there. He isn't.

Cellbit would probably have the worst reaction. He's known Bad for a long time, they're buddies, they're veterans, they were fighting the federation together. Now he's just gone?? Cell is convinced the federation took him, and nothing will stop him for fighting for Bad like he does for Felps.

Forever just can't comprehend it. Bad was just here, everything was normal and find last night. The one person he trusted the most outside of the Brazilians, the person he thought would be there for him whenever, suddenly gone. He understands Cellbit a lot more, just how crazy he was going. Forever wants Bad back, and nothing will stop him from doing so.

For much of the server there's just this aching feeling that something is lost. People keep sending out large group messages asking Bad for something or to come places and remembering he is gone. Foolish insists at first that he's glad the gremlin is gone before being seen putting up missing posters with Cellbit. The absolute care he poured into helping the eggs is a slack the others feel starting to catch them - Bad had so much set up for the eggs, he was so protective and helpful, and now it's a burden so many others are carrying.

The island is thrown into more distrust, fighting, and problems while Bad actively does everything he can to try and find a way to help his friends to get out all without being able to talk to them or see the effect that his leaving had.

But as long as he stays out of the eyes of the Federation, he can save them right? And nothing will ever hurt Dapper again.

Anyways at this point I'm writing AU material, hope you all enjoyed owdheMAHSJZ-

[sirenvrse]

Sj2 au where bugs didn't come back for MONTHS