#i might wear my keffiyeh

[ultraviolencced]

i get to hear trees live tonight babey depression who

[bitchb0ybunny]

LONG READ, BUT WORTH IT!!!

COD FANS, PRO-PALESTINIAN PALS, LISTEN TO ME FOR A SEC. I know this might be crazy, but hear me out. Just for a moment, I promise it'll be worth while. I thought for like 5 minutes on whether or not I should post this, but I say fuck it. My account isn't big, I'm not popular, but I know this will at least get on one persons page and get one persons attention and that's what matters.

THIS MAN! THAT MAN UP THERE ^

COD besties love him, some people might not know who he is. His name is Johnathan Price, he's a fictional character played by Barry Sloane in the Modern Warfare 2 Remaster. Friends, take a close look to that thing around his neck.

Some of y'all think it looks familiar, right?

Me too. I might be slow on this, some people might've pointed it out on different platforms already, but I'm bringing it to attention anyway. It looks like a Kuffiyah. (Kuffiyeh? Kuffiya? Keffiyeh? I'm still a little confused on which spelling of the name is correct, so I'm using all of them). I might be crazy here, but it looks like one to me. If you don't know, a Kuffiyah is a Palestinian garment that, in very simplified terms, symbolizes their culture and freedom. I'm sure everyone already knows that that freedom has been threatened and that the people of Palestine are currently being slaughtered like cattle, no matter their age, sex, gender identity, etc. It's pure bloodshed of innocent people, a genocide, a holocaust if you need more terms.

I have a very simple theory that I don't think is hard to believe, but first let me show you what a Kuffiyah looks like for those who don't know.

Protesters at University of Michigan in the US, this month. Photograph: Anadolu/Getty Images

The black and white garment these people are wearing is a Kuffiyah. You can find numerous videos on TikTok and other platforms showing up-close images and videos of a Kuffiyah and explaining what the pattern symbolizes.

Now, if you need a second look at that scarf-like garment Captain Price is wearing around his neck, you can scroll back up. There also should be a video below, a clip taken directly from the game, that shows that same garment at different angles if you need a better view.

Now back to that talk of a theory.

Farah Karim, another Icon from the Modern Warfare games. Again, some of you might not know her, here's an image of her.

She's an occupant to a made-up Arabic country called Urzikstan that is located near the Black Sea. She's a solder, and leader, of the Urzikstan Liberation Force, which is an army that fights against the occupation and invasion of her country. In this case, Russia. Farah Karim and John Price are close and, in the games, team up to fight common enemies often. If you look at the country of Urzikstan on the map, in the COD universe, I believe it looks like the same area Palestine should be located on a map if it weren't for Israel's 70+ years of occupation and colonization on Palestinian land.

According to the games lore, the invasion and occupation of Urzikstan from Russia started in 1999, and I'm not sure if its confirmed but I believe it's at least once it's alluded to Price having helped the ULF (Urzikstan Liberation Force) fight off the Russian occupation and free the country.

By this point, I'm sure at least one of you incredibly intelligent people reading this post have figured out what my theory is exactly:

Urzikstan is Palestine in the COD Universe. Or, at the very least, is modeled after and has its history inspired by the very real horrors Palestine has been facing since around 1947 when one of the first/the first attack(s) on Palestine took place on December 31st (Here is an article you can read about that, and there are plenty of similar articles from that outlet). Some of you probably have stopped reading, or think I'm crazy, or something along those lines, but hear me out for a second.

That Kuffiyah that Captain Price is wearing, remember that? People who are in support of Palestine are buying and wearing those to help financially aid Palestinians who can still sell their goods and show their support. I believe that is exactly what Price did, and why he's wearing it.

Now, I raise a question to those who weren't in support before. If Captain Johnathan Price can do something so basic is show support for a population and help fight for a countries freedom, why can't you? It's not hard to reblog a post, or sign a petition, or attend a protest in your area, or at the very least educate yourself on the matter. So, if you aren't, why? If someone who I know most, if not all, of the COD community here on Tumblr loves can do it, can go to war and fight for it, then why can't you do something that's real?

Free Palestine, and have a nice day/night to those of you who actually read all of this to the end.

[fairiedance]

Palestine With Keffiyeh Patterns

My best friend (the best person I have EVER known) is Palestinian, and a lot of his friends and family in Palestine and around the rest of the Levant are being hurt directly and/or financially by the attacks on Gaza, the increasing Israeli raids in the West Bank and the collateral damage in surrounding countries. ALL PROCEEDS from these designs will go first and foremost to helping his girlfriend afford to join him in America safely, and after that helping his other loved ones weather this war.

These six keffiyeh pattern maps are now available in my shop. I like the top left in particular, the folds of the fabric follow the shape of the country nicely. Available individually or in a sticker pack containing smaller versions of all six. Designs are also available on other products like shirts, hats, notebooks, etc. The shop will randomize which product it shows you, click on them to see more options.

Thank you so much to the anonymous Canadian customer who bought the keffiyeh wearing dove on a sweatshirt this morning. You are a wonderful person.

I've seen a lot of people buy stickers from various sources or make their own to hand out at protests (personally I was thrilled to receive handmade solidarity stickers from a kind woman at my last union action), so if you're looking to take advantage of Redbubble's bulk deals I might suggest that use.

[disco-cola]

the antideutsche german „left“ is an absolute disgrace and judging from all the unfollows i got when starting to post about Gaza (i made some posts about Palestine before in 2020-22 but sadly and admittedly not as intensely yet and I’m guessing they didn’t see that yet) by people i knew from real life „antifascist“ circles i am wondering if i might have unknowingly spent 3 years being surrounded by this awful kind who in my opinion are lowkey even more dangerous than full fledged right wingers bc those you can at least recognize immediately and they are pretty open about their racist views whereas antideutsche make you believe they are antiracist and antifascist and then they turn around calling everyone and everything criticizing israel „antisemitic“ and show their true islamphobic and imperialist faces, even going as far as calling anti-zionist jews antisemitic… they refuse to divide judaism from israel and when confronted with this flawed logic they can turn pretty vile too.

anyway sadly there is „antifascist“ poser centers who have thrown people out for wearing keffiyehs (in Leipzig, namely Conne Island who have previously cancelled a black US rappers gig who said israel is an apartheid state and posting about BDS like they then called him antisemitic and they also hosted a self-proclaimed „islam hater“‘s book presentation) and holding „against antisemitism“ events while denying anti-zionist jewish people entry at the doors (in Berlin, namely ://about blank). also the rote zora in hamburg is a zionist center posing as leftist. the rote zora got occupied today by a group of pro-palestinian protestors, calling out their racism and white supremacy (because ironically these places almost exclusively are run by white German activists) and alignment with the state force used against palestine protestors including jewish people, Palestinians and other BIPOC. If you call yourself anti-fascist and your center gets called out and even occupied by immigrants, BIPOC, jewish people and communists, then you are anything but that. They so WHOLEHEARTEDLY deserve this. Free antifa from antideutsche for good!!! (Also just dropping this here but those places have instagram accounts we could collectively swarm and call them out in their comments just saying)

[eretzyisrael]

by Seth Mandel

Bruguera is—quite famously, though her name is a hint—a Cuban dissident. The Palestinian protesters got in her face and called her “gringa.” They called one of the gallery’s directors, Sam Bardaouil, who is Lebanese, “an Arab with light skin.” In other words, Germans were seeing the familiar sight of anti-Semites marching through town calling anyone with Jewish friends or colleagues a “race traitor.” Onlookers were horrified to see the ghosts of Germany’s past reappear wearing keffiyehs instead of jackboots.

Easily the most pathetic part of the play stoppage was when Bruguera tried to defend her honor. I cringed watching it, and I cringed again while writing this. “First of all, you don’t know who I am,” Bruguera shouts at the protesters after a while. “You don’t know my history. You don’t know everything I’ve done for Palestinians and for all the people in the world.”

The clashing of tectonic-plate-sized egos, white people yelling at Cubans that they’re white—it might as well as have been Park Slope instead of Berlin.

Of course, Bruguera signed an open letter calling Israel’s counteroffensive in Gaza a “genocide.” But she was out of her league here, among professional anti-Semites. The protesters went on a stark-raving-mad rant about the lesser humanity of “Zionists” (meaning people with Jewish-sounding names) and the legitimacy of violence toward them while this poor woman was reduced to asking them if they had a gun and were going to shoot her. For that, Bruguera was deemed a racist.

The icing on the cake is that before the performance opened, Bruguera gave an interview to the The Art Newspaper’s podcast, “The Week in Art.” In it, the host and Bruguera went on at length about how this is such an appropriate time to read Hannah Arendt because of how Germany censors anyone who criticizes Israel. Bruguera went so far as to say that Chinese dissident Ai Weiwei’s ridiculous comment that censorship in the West is the same as in Mao’s China didn’t go far enough. “I think it’s worse” than in Mao’s China, Bruguera asserts, because “the censorship in China was [at least] condemned by the world.”

[artemistorm]

Thank you anon in my inbox for your message and your support and validation. (Palestine post below)

You are right, I should keep hope for Palestine no matter what because the other side is counting on us to lose hope and lose interest so they can continue and get away with their atrocities. The Middle East is very special to me (I have a personal connection that I won't talk about openly here) and the horrific devastation and genocide is very distressing and keeps me up at night.

I want to help, and I'm doing what I can, even though I'm ashamed it isn't more. I have been boycotting since I first heard about it and have been Palestine posting frequently on my side blog. Soon, I expect to be in a better financial situation and will be able to donate to a relief agency. Just today, I was brainstorming what to put in a letter to my government representatives. Unfortunately due to my disabilities I cannot attend a protest as much as I want to.

I hadn't thought before about how it is encouraging for other Arabs and Muslims to see that their mutuals support them and condemn the genocide by posting about it, and about how the other actions we take are helping not only Palestine, but also Muslims and Arabs elsewhere in the world and even our own hometowns.

I have several keffiyehs and I was thinking of wearing one when I go run errands later this week to show my support and offer some comfort and reassurance to my Muslim and Arab fellow human beings (I am a little scared to because I've heard of what has happened to some people who wear them in public, but one of my keffiyehs is very pretty and I might be able to work it into an outfit).

I am an anthropology student. I study what makes a human a human and what makes a civilization a civilization and I know that everyone is the same. We have the same genes, we come from the same place (Africa). We are all granted life and equal rights and no person or people is above or below any others and the people who think otherwise and those who kill and oppress are wrong.

Muslim, Christian, Jew, non-religious, Arab, Asian, African, Westerner... we are all family and we are all in this life and this world together. We are all family and I am hugging you.

[marxism-leninism-meowism]

my keffiyeh just came in the mail and its so fucking comfy oh my god

also the package had free palestine written on it, handwritten in black sharpie. this is why i love shopping small businesses tbh. human connection and solidarity over hundreds of miles of distance. its just nice to get a package with a note, even if it's just "free palestine" written on the outside, a bit scuffed from travel.

i also simultaneously received a call to jury duty when i got the mail today, so i feel like this is a sign for me to wear this to jury duty? though i think i might be wearing this every time i leave the house bc it's really comfortable

[fairuzfan]

hi. this might sound weird but can i draw itadori wearing a keffiyeh for u? i just thought it might be nice is all since i got the idea from your pfp

yes!! someone also did this before, i love seeing my boy with a kuffiyeh!!

[mynameisanacronymofitself]

I went to Beresford Sundays* with my friends this evening and this guy comes up to me and asks me about my scarf, which I go "oh its a keffiyeh-" he immediately gets agitated and goes "why are you wearing that, you know they would kill you over in Gaza.. I'm Israeli" and I just had to turn a way and laugh because I was so surprised by this clown behaviour... like imagine being so incensed by a scarf that you have to accost someone and tell them that.. girlie I could get killed on the street outside this pub for the same reason you think.. you think i'm any safer anywhere else with your zionist ass?

anyway he chose the wrong bitch to quarrel with because my (much taller, stronger and imposing) friend immediately went in on him, and he eventually skulked away.

I know writing this it might appear that i am pressed by the whole situation but i just found it so funny.. truly a Rihanna 'my tits bother you?' moment anyways free Palestine always and forever x

*a popular gay event in sydney frequented by snooty rich gays from the east (drinks are half price until 8 though)

[singitforthegirls]

I asked to volunteer tomorrow one hour less at the Pride center market thing cuz lol they had moved the Queer cruise thing from 7 to 6 (and before I was finishing volunteering at 5, not 4) because lots of people goin to that also wanted to go to another event later that night. 🙈🙈🙈

I'm just going to the cruise, but hanging with some ace friends there. 🥰🥰😊

I just hope I won't be too exhausted. Lolol.

This is the cruise lol : https://hinsegindagar.is/en/program/reykjavik-pride-queer-cruise/

BUT OMG, A CINEMA IS DOIN A ONE OFF SHOWING OF WIZARD OF OZ TOMORTOW AT NINE because of Pride!

I neeeeeed to go! It's one of my favorite movies EVER! I have like a bunch of Oz merch. 🙈🙈🙈

Thankfully just gonna hang out and actually watch the parade with the parents on saturday, not take part, in first time in years. Lol.

So if I'm tired on saturday at least I'll probably be sitting down or whatever. XD

Might wear my keffiyeh tho.

[whitepassingpocs]

I stumbled across this blog a bit randomly, and then spent the next half hour or so scrolling through post after post, feeling both understood and separated over and over. Many posts feel similar to my experience, but at the same time, none are quite mine.

I am an entire half Asian. The other half is white. For most people, this would probably result in being very obviously not white, but there’s just one sort of issue.

I am West and Central Asian. Mixed Kurdish, Kazakh, and Arab. There are people who are fully these ethnicities who would look “white” in my country, let alone me who is only part. For an embarrassingly long time perhaps, I would tell people I was Asian but not a POC. Everyone was confused, but I said it with such conviction that not many further questioned it. I would play to broader ignorance of “The Middle East” to tell white people how I was one of them.

I call myself a POC now, but I still feel wrong every time I do. I feel like I am white and kidding myself. My friends tell me I am wrong to describe my skin as fair or pale—they say my skin is olive—and that I do not look nearly as white as I think. It feels like when I’ve lived an entire life of externally presumed whiteness, though, they’re just saying what they think I might want to hear.

I feel between worlds, and I guess that’s how it is for many mixed race people. I feel like I’m really only not white when I wear keffiyeh or speak Turkish, but then again, is that not only a sign of white ignorance, that they assume headscarves anyone could wear and foreign languages anyone could learn mean I’m not white?

I suppose this was maybe a little too much, or maybe it wasn’t. I don’t know. It was nice to get it all out there at least.

hello! thanks for sharing so much about yourself. i want you to know that it's okay to not be 100% sure how to identify yourself. its okay to just identify as who you are ethnically, rather than trying to fit yourself in the binary of white/poc. identities are always fluctuating and what makes sense in one place may not make sense in another. i hope it helps you to remember that your identity is always yours regardless of how others perceive you, and your culture is yours no matter how others perceive you. ppl might think you're white, others may not, but true whiteness is not debatable and the fact you are forced to ask these questions speaks to a non-white experience regardless of how you look. you are not too much or too little of anything. you're a person with a full and complicated experience that doesn't fit neatly into white-centric definitions of race and it doesn't make you anything other than human. people will always presume things, it doesn't make them right, or take away your tangible life experiences. stay well <3

[insideoliviasmind]

Tonight, we write.

The world is chaos, and it is out of our control. Straight to my core I believe the world will begin to erupt into Word War 3. And who knows what that will entail, but I agree with what Donald Trump recently said, "this is not going to be a regular war... army tanks running back and forth shooting each other... this is weapons of mass destruction, the likes of which nobody has ever seen... this is obliteration... this is not war like we are used to... annihilation". I heard what he said and I felt what he meant. I believe that unfortunately, science and chemistry has gone too far. Humankind is in possession of unthinkable WMD, that can most likely wipe out entire country(ies) with a single click of a button. And who is going to make this decision? Who gets to decide who lives and dies? Who gets to decide who is right or wrong? No human is perfect - but how many of us will die as a collective punishment? Who will click the button first? If there were a vote, how many of us would vote against? Why would you ever vote for death if peace was an option? Imperialism or peace?

Which of us will be conscripted? Will it be my brother, your brother, my father, or your father? My neighbours son, or your neighbours son? Which of us will die? Who will live? Which religion, or entity will be next to rule the world? What are they planning? What are they hiding? But that's the funny thing about this system, we never truly had a say, did we? That is way out of all of our control. Our fate is in the hands of the rich and powerful.

I am shocked at the silence within the "real" world, while we are on the brink of Nuclear warfare and WW3. No country is safe at this time. We are also live streaming the genocide of the beautiful Palestinian's in Gaza. And yet we are forced to go to work everyday, like the government slaves that we are. Depending on where you work you probably aren't even allowed to talk about it. I would probably be reprimanded just for wearing the keffiyeh. And I would never wear it as an insult towards the Jews or the people of Israel. I am wearing my heart on my sleeve for Gaza. I think about the people of Gaza everyday. I think about how misguided humankind has become, while we justify killing each other. Killing each other in mass numbers. Developing weapons that quite frankly we just shouldn't have. What is happening within the world is a breach of human moral code. It is a 4k display of our blatant lack of regard for one another.

As corny as this might sound, I don't hate Israel. I do not hate the United States. I do not hate Russia. I do not hate North Korea, Iran, Yemen, the UK, Sweden. I hate nobody. In fact it is quite the opposite, I love everybody. I have a true love for mankind, and the beautiful planet we have been blessed with. And the truth of the matter is, we are destroying it and taking it for granted each and every day, while all of our lives get shorter, and shorter. While the life expectancy of our planet gets shorter, and shorter.

Why can't we live in peace. Just live and let live. Let's not colonize, threaten, steal, enslave, imperialize, collectively punish, label, murder, or judge one another. Instead, why can't we all just step out the front door and take a breath of fresh air to see how lucky we are to even be here in the first place?

Even before reverting to Islam, I always thought that no human being should have the right to decide when another should die. I believe that this a decision for Allah SWT to make.

Ever since I declared my Shahada, I have been more at peace with things that are out of my control. It is largely possible that I could die tomorrow at the hands of my own people (humankind). I can accept my fate, however, I am terrified.

How are you feeling about our world today?

[darkmaga-returns]

October 18, 2024

Warrior With A Just Cause Dies As Such

Wednesday's death of Hamas leader Yahya Sinwar will be noted as a significant victory for the resistance.

Sinwar's death was announced by the army of the 'Zionist entity' and its defense minister, not by its leadership in form of prime minister Netanyahoo. This points to a significant discord between them.

The Times of Israel describes his death:

[Sinwar] was not being directly targeted, and troops only realized that one of the three terrorists killed in the incident was apparently Sinwar when they inspected the scene on Thursday morning. ... After the three terrorists were spotted, fired at and injured, two headed into one building and the third, who turned out to be Sinwar, went into another, the military said. The other two terrorists were apparently bodyguards of Sinwar’s and had been moving in front of him, clearing his way. IDF tanks and other forces opened fire on both buildings. Sinwar then went up to the second floor. A tank fired another shell at the building, and an infantry platoon moved up to search. Sinwar threw two grenades, one of which exploded. The soldiers withdrew, and a drone flew in to search the room. It found a man with his arm injured and his face covered — Sinwar — who threw a wooden stick at the drone. Another tank shell was fired at the man, killing him. On Thursday morning, troops searching the building looked at the face of the slain terrorist whom the drone had spotted, and noticed that he resembled Sinwar. The Shin Bet took DNA and part of his finger to verify his identity. No hostages were with Sinwar at the time. IDF Spokesman Rear Adm. Daniel Hagari confirmed in a Thursday night press conference that the military “identified him as a terrorist in a building” and did not know it was Sinwar. “We fired on the building and went in to search. We found him with a flak jacket and a gun and NIS 40,000.” ... Sinwar reportedly recently renewed contact with mediators for a potential hostage-ceasefire deal after weeks of silence that had stirred speculation he might have been killed in an Israeli strike in Gaza.

The military published a video taken by the drone as well as video and pictures taken after Sinwar was found dead.

The drone footage confirms the description above. Its publication is highly significant:

jeremy scahill @jeremyscahill - 20:50 UTC · Oct 17, 2024 For a year, Israel has portrayed Sinwar as a coward hiding in tunnels surrounded by hostages. And they will continue to portray him that way. But the details of his death they’ve released will solidify his image as fighting Israel to the end.

---

Marwa Osman || مروة عثمان @Marwa__Osman - 3:55 UTC · Oct 18, 2024 The Israeli genocidal psychopaths broadcasted the final moments of martyr al-Sinwar's life, hoping to undermine the morale of those who support the resistance. Who was the fool that advised them to do so? His back to the camera, wearing a keffiyeh, he throws a stick—like a modern-day Hanzala. Wounded, alone, battered, yet fighting to his last breath. Just like Palestine. This very footage turned al-Sinwar into a new Palestinian icon, filling our hearts with nothing but pride and dignity.

---

Ali Abunimah @AliAbunimah - 22:19 UTC · Oct 17, 2024 "The greatest gift the enemy can give me is to assassinate me. I submit myself to martyrdom for God at his hands. I'm 59 years old, and I much prefer to be martyred by an F-16 or by rockets, than die of corona or a heart attack...I prefer to die a martyr" -Yahya Sinwar in 2021 video

---

Hind Hassan @HindHassanNews - 20:06 UTC · Oct 17, 2024 This was my [Sinwar] interview w @lalarian. It's his last ever on-camera interview. Everyone told us he was in hiding as it was just days after an assassination attempt during 11 days of Israeli bombardment in 2021. We found him walking down a street, so we stopped him & asked for an intv video

---

How Hamas' Leader in Gaza Reacted to the Ceasefire (video, 2021, English subs) - VICE News

---

Sinwar's death will not end the resistance:

[asteralpine]

Have been worrying a little over how to wear the Hirbawi keffiyeh that just arrived in the mail and now tomorrow morning is going to be hella freezing.

I'll wear it like any other scarf!

Tried it on. Looks cute, feels nice against my face, will keep me warm. Good.

(When I first got it and put it on when it arrived, my brain insisted that I was suddenly filed with a deep horror that might have echoed the terrors that the factory workers are facing, so I was really afraid that I'd always feel that way while wearing it, but I'm relieved to announce that when I tested its scarf-ness I mainly felt calm and loved?)

(God. Please send Palestine calm and love. And food and shelter and medical supplies. And a permanent fucking ceasefire.)

[defiant-firefly]

Oh yeah fun fact about those escape room games me and my mum have been playing: they make no fucking sense. Not in a 'we can't solve them' way, they're actually fairly easy (for me anyway but I think that's cause mum gets bored) but because the protagonist is a detective with stupid reasoning sometimes.

Mostly saying this because she got shot at and kidnapped (by the guy wearing the keffiyeh so like... yeah that's not helping her case here), ended up in a cabin in the woods, found this guy's camera in his backpack, and said one of the photos on it was suspicious. Two of the three photos were pretty sus. First one is of the protagonist and her friend (I think) investigating the disappearance of a woman at the petrol station from the previous chapter. It's from an angle that makes you think he was just camping out in the fucking trees to take this photo, so yeah that's a bit weird. The second is of the missing woman sitting on a bench reading a paper, taken from within the bushes. Pretty sus, right?

But it's the third one that gets logged as vital evidence. That's the one that makes the protag think there's more than one kidnapped woman here. Clearly, super important! So what was it?

A wedding photo. The culprit's wedding photo with a blond woman hugging him. She's wearing a flower crown that's part of a puzzle, but otherwise, that's it.

The protag thinks a wedding photo is more suspicious than a photo of a woman taken from within the bushes. The Arabic man can't have married a conventionally attractive woman! No villain like this has ever been married before! No no no that's just not right! She must have been kidnapped too and coerced into this! How cruel! /s obviously

Like. Come on. They could at least have made the woman look even remotely like she didn't want to be there if they were going for this. They're not even trying to be subtle about this.

The REAL fucked up thing about this man should be that to get into the attic, he has to pull down the mounted animal heads on the wall in the right order. And he had a fucking lightbulb in a draw that only opens when the guns in the rack are in the right places. And he didn't notice the distinct lack of boards over tha attic window when he pulled up outside. And his number plate combined with a fishing bait catalogue is the security pin for the basement door that unlocks from the inside where the victims are.

The more fucked up guy is the fisherman who locked his car jack behind a number code box. And the protagonist for spending like an hour solving puzzles to put out an engine fire rather than get the fisherman out the fucking car before it explodes.

The culprit is actually cool btw. He has a fucking secret cave behind a waterfall as a secret spot to hang out in after he kills someone. A secret cave!!! Behind a waterfall!!! With a comfy hammock in it!!! And he's trying to kill this dumb fuck protag!!! Sure he might be a murderer but I'd forgive him if he kills this racist, judgemental idiot that has to spend forever organising the box of donuts before she can take one, and locks her office phone inside a locked draw you can only open with the key from a safe, where the code is the amount of squares on the files in the cabinets she also has to organise before she can use them.

Like damn bitch, you live like this?

I get it's an escape room puzzle game, but like. There are some things that maybe just make your characters look insane if you make them puzzles ngl

[thatwritererinoriordan]

Three.

John Legend, wearing a fashionable off-white suit, sits at his white piano, playing me a Christmas song in front of a roaring fire. Actually, he's singing me "The Christmas Song."

"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire..."

"Happy birthday," I blurt out.

"My birthday isn't until the 28th. I'm an after-Christmas baby."

I say, "You're the Christmas baby; you're Jesus Christ Superstar."

He laughs, and I can't tell whether he's more surprised or amused.

Presently the fireplace-warmed air grew hotter. This was no winter wonderland. Were we in Jerusalem? Beyond John I spot a man with copious sandy-blond hair wearing black eyeliner and a keffiyeh.

"Judas," I say upon the appearance of Tim Minchin.

"Jesus Christ," he says, approaching John, seemingly moving in to kiss him. They lock eyes and I feel I'm witnessing something I'm not meant to see.

"...Superstar," I mutter to myself as I turn away to give them their privacy. I muse aloud, "I can appreciate casting Alice Cooper as King Herod; I appreciate his showmanship. You know else might have made an interesting casting choice? Murray Head, the original album-Judas Superstar, coming back to play King Herod."

We stand before his throne now: King Murray Head.

Blame W. Somerset Maugham. He had a birthday (January 25), I remembered that his Oriental Hotel suite is name-checked in "One Night in Bangkok," and soon I'm detecting something wistful in Murray Head ballads that speaks to me as something other than merely an '80s kid.

"Now see what you've done?" Jesus Christ Superstar admonishes me. "You chose to lean fully into your 1980s nostalgia and now I'm going to be crucified."

Is Tim Minchin Judas wearing lip gloss? And is it a bit smudged now?

"I'm not interested in matters of Jewish law tonight," King Murray Head says in the crispest English accent you've heard since Ralph Fiennes. Offering me a doubtful smile, he adds, "My dear, would you care to join me in the Somerset Maugham Suite?"

"I thought you got your kicks above the waistline, sunshine," the saucy Aussie chimes in.

King Murray Head shrugs. "I'm only human. We can't all be Jesus Christ Superstar."

I'm sexualizing that old man. I desire him carnally.