#i might start randomly posting my favorite songs

[one-too-many-fandoms]

hi just passing through to express how much I love this song TwT

[writerblue275]

Ranking the Heartsteel members from least to most romantic (with some explanation).

Inspiration: A post from @strawberrydoesthings discussing the fact that (confirmed by Riot via Twitter) Sett is the best cook in the group. Not that I didn’t think Sett could be romantic beforehand, because I ABSOLUTELY thought he could be, but this definitely got me thinking about who in the group being romantic comes easy to.

Genre: Ranking? First time I’m doing this style so we’ll see how it goes!

Category: Fluff

Gender: Gender Neutral Reader

TW: Swearing

Important context: I fully believe all Heartsteel members have the ability to be romantic for their partners. So even those I rank “lower” could definitely still make your heart flutter. It just might come more naturally for others.

Least

- Ezreal

Ez’s vibe is a little….chaotic? I just can’t see most romantic gestures being a natural everyday thing for him, and definitely not at the beginning of your relationship.

But I do believe that he’d really make an effort for you on special days (birthdays, Valentine’s Day, etc…). It’s clear to me Ezreal is a very passionate person. And when he has an occasion or a person to focus all that passion on, he doesn’t half-ass things (especially when it comes to you).

LOTS of planning and stress though because he doesn’t want to disappoint you. He’d definitely ask the members and Alune for their opinions on things.

The first time he asked for their opinions, everyone stared at him for a few seconds in surprise because they truly weren’t expecting it. Then of course they helped him plan you the best surprise party!

One small romantic gesture I do think Ezreal would be very good at is playing with his partner’s hair (if his partner is cool with that of course). I feel like he needs something for his hands to fidget with at almost all times (fucking mood). He’d love brushing your hair and, if it’s long enough, braiding it.

- Kayn

Kayn is another member who has a bit more of a chaotic vibe. Definitely can’t see him surprising you randomly with your favorite flowers or slipping little notes into your pockets.

BUT!! I do think Kayn’s another member who would really send it on special occasions. Like when this man goes all out, he goes ALL! OUT!

Fully have a headcanon that one of Kayn’s love languages is physical touch (both giving and receiving). So if you’re someone who likes physical contact, this is a way he’ll inject a little romance in day-to-day life.

I’m talking hand holding, arm around your waist, hand in your back pocket while you two are in line, hand on your thigh while he’s driving, or a shoulder massage if you’re really tense (why do I think he’d be so good at those omg). And there’s also another reason he likes to have contact with you at all times.

He’s sweetly very protective of you. Definitely NOT in a toxic way (fuck toxic relationships), but in a “fans of my profession don’t always take the news of a relationship the best. And while I’m not hiding you, I’m definitely not letting anything happen to you,” way. Along with physical contact he’d do things like walk on the sidewalk side closer to the road if you’re walking with him. (Old-school rule I know but I still find it very sweet.)

- Aphelios

I feel like Aphelios hasn’t had a lot of relationships in his past. So it’s not that he’s unromantic, he’s just a bit inexperienced at the start of your relationship.

I don’t think he is necessarily the “big showstopper romantic gesture” kinda guy, but he’ll show tf out for you on special occasions. (Song just for you, anyone? Can you imagine the lyrics he’d come up with? I’m melting! 😩)

The quiet ones are always the most perceptive (#1)! And our man Phel is hyper perceptive when it comes to those he loves. And of course he loves YOU.

He would really excel in the small day-to-day romantic gestures department like sweet good morning and good night texts without fail (and regardless of the time zone he’s in).

Aphelios definitely LOVES how your face lights up when you find the sweet little notes he snuck into your pocket or bag. And how delighted you get when he randomly brings home your favorite takeout for dinner. And when you sent him a text thanking him for the beautiful bouquet of your favorite flowers he had delivered to you? He literally fist pumped and surprised the hell out of Sett.

- K’Sante

(I know he uses the yellow heart on his tweets but TUMBLR doesn’t have that so pink it is.)

I’m gonna start sounding like a god damn broken record, but I get such amazing vibes from Heartsteel K’Sante. He’d be a truly excellent life partner. Great listener, gives great advice when you ask for it, and knows when you just need to vent your frustration out.

Life with him would be safe, but never boring!You know where he’d thrive when it comes to romance? He’d be excellent at spontaneous romantic gestures.

Dancing/kisses in the rain/snow, turning chores around the apartment into a little dance party/jam session (mentioned in my first headcanon), or buying you flowers randomly because they made him think of you, are some things I think K’Sante would truly excel at. His ways of showing romance would be sincere, but fun.

The KING of spontaneous dates. Stuff like driving to the middle of nowhere to star gaze/have snacks or a picnic or driving up to a random out look because he heard the view of the city at night was amazing. (Spoiler alert: It absolutely was.)

I think K’Sante loves spontaneous gestures even more than full out planning things for you. It doesn’t give him a chance to overthink things!

(A/N: Holy shit deciding how to order these final two was WAY WAY harder than I anticipated. I switched them multiple times and honestly I feel like either could go #1.)

- Sett

Please repeat after me because I’ve said it before: “Mama didn’t raise Sett to be a jackass of a partner.” This man has damn good manners. Car door, opened for you. Your seat, pushed in once you’re sat. Walking w/ him on the sidewalk? He’s taking the side closer to the street.

And ESPECIALLY now that we know he’s the best cook in the group?? Oh my god I think soft Domestic!Sett is a go!! Fully believe acts of service (giving) is one of his love languages.

Due to his schedule, it’s very likely he’s out the door before you in the mornings but even then, he’ll always make sure to set up another pot of coffee/hot chocolate/boiling water for tea so that it’s ready for you when you start your day.

Always has a designated date night with you every week. Doesn’t matter if he’s on tour! Discord/FaceTime exists as do watch parties on streaming platforms. Fuck distance, all that matters to him is spending quality time with you in some way.

And I really think he’d be excellent at planning bigger romantic gestures for his partner. He loves you and he has no issues showing that fact off. (Could absolutely see him getting a tattoo that symbolizes you. Especially one that you help him design so it’s even more meaningful.)

- Yone

I don’t care what sort of scowl-y and hard persona Yone presents to the public. With you? That’s your Koala. (Lmao I will die on the hill that he is secretly a cuddle FIEND. Fight a wall.)

He gives me low-key old-school “gentleman” vibes. Always holds the door open and will push your chair in once you’ve sat down at dinner. Will ALWAYS offer an arm for you to hold. Protective (not toxic) of you. And while he’s not scowl-y with you, this is where his public-facing demeanor can come in handy.

*Clears throat* THE QUIET ONES ARE ALWAYS THE MOST PERCEPTIVE (#2)!

Within a month or two of you starting your relationship Yone knows all your favorites. Will gladly surprise you with them at random times, or especially when he senses you need a pick-me-up. Another member who would write love notes and sneak them into places you’ll find them (I feel like he’s heavily involved in lyric writing so this man is a fucking POET).

His favorite way to grandly express his love for you is through music. He has a list of songs that make him think of you and he’s made a whole mix of them. Would surprise you with it and dance with you around the apartment. (Omg slow dancing around the living room with Yone sounds so cute! 🥹) And little do you know but the very last song on the mix is an original he wrote all for you.

Most

As always, thank you so much for reading! I think I might need to do some more of these rankings because this was so much fun to write! I can definitely think of a few other ideas that would fit with this format!

[cupidsfantasy]

HIIIII HRUUUU

CAN I REQUEST IZUKU, KATSUKI, AND SHOTO WITH A PARTNER WHOS OBSESSED WITH K-POP??

HEYYY YES OFC !!! I DIDNT KNOW IF YOU WANTED IT SEPERATE OR TOGETHER SO I MADE IT SEPERATE!

KPOP DRIVEN

aka: the main 3 with a kpop obsessed s/o !

IZUKU MIDORIYA

﹒⪩⪨﹒he’s super supportive of your obsession. he loves seeing you happy and excited about something you enjoy.

﹒⪩⪨﹒ he might secretly practice the choreography moves to your favorite song to surprise you. we’ve all seen him dance.. hes not the best dancer, but his effort is adorable.

﹒⪩⪨﹒he would totally go with you to fan meetings and concerts, even if he's not a fan himself. he’s more interested in seeing you have a good time.

﹒⪩⪨﹒ if you need help organizing your albums, photocards and display your collection, he’ll definitely help you. he’s impressed by your dedication and passion.

﹒⪩⪨﹒ he really enjoys listening to your favorite songs with you, and he even starts to develop a liking for some of them. he might add a few to his main playlist.

SHOTO TODOROKI

﹒⪩⪨﹒ he’s really curious about your kpop interest and wants to learn more about it to understand you better. he asks a lot of questions about the groups and their music.

﹒⪩⪨﹒ okay, he might not initially understand the appeal, but he accompanies you to concerts and fan events. he’s fascinated by the energy and excitement.

﹒⪩⪨﹒he surprises you with merchandise and tickets to events, showing that he pays attention to your interests and wants to make you happy.

﹒⪩⪨﹒ he might start learning korean to impress you and show his support for your interests. he also uses it to cheer for your favorite idols but that’s not really likely.

﹒⪩⪨﹒ his calm and composed demeanor helps balance out your excitement. he’s always there to support you, whether you’re ecstatic about a new album release or feeling down because of a controversy.

KATSUKI BAKUGO

﹒⪩⪨﹒ he pretends to be indifferent about your obsession, but deep down, he’s happy that you have something you’re passionate about.

﹒⪩⪨﹒ he might randomly quiz you on your favorite idols to see how much you know about them. and if you get it wrong he’ll literally bully you about it. for example “what’s hyujins favorite color?” “uhh pink?” “yeah just throw all your photo cards away.”

﹒⪩⪨﹒ if anyone makes fun of your interests, that man is quick to shut them down. he doesn’t tolerate anyone disrespecting something that makes you happy unless it’s him.

﹒⪩⪨﹒ he will not match your energy at concerts and fan events. he would complain about how it’s a waste of time and money. but when he thinks you’re not looking he’ll tap his foot or nod his head to the songs.

﹒⪩⪨﹒ he’s not the best at expressing his feelings verbally, but he shows his support by buying you rare albums or merch you’ve been eyeing. he acts like it’s no big deal, but you know he put thought into it.

THATS ALLLL PLS REQUEST IF U WANNA REQUEST SMTH LOVE YOU ALL!! AND TY FOR 200 LIKES ON MY OTHER POST 💘💘💘

[elfhunk]

i just wanted to say that your post yesterday about perfectionism and that brief little snapshot of what's happened in your life is something that was... nice (? a somewhat non-optimal word) to read as someone with a lot of non-useful thoughts about "being perfect" and who's trying to get better at being imperfect.

obviously everyone's experiences are different (and i hope that this doesn't seem as though i'm assuming things, or trying to be something beyond a stranger on the train giving you a verbal thumbs-up or a small conversation) but it was nice to read your thoughts on being who you'd like to be and the process of getting there.

anyways, i hope you keep having fun! don't feel like you need to reply to this or post it or anything like that. i just wanted to say thank you, and that your sentimentally hopeful bummer was something that made me feel a little bit sentimentally hopeful (without the bummer) about things in my life too.

thank you. i quite frankly couldn't imagine not responding to something someone very bravely took the time and effort to send me. i mean that very sincerely.

i've actually gotten into the habit of thanking people in messages like this the past year for the work they've made or the words they've said. it's a bit funny receiving one myself for a blog post. maybe that's just the way these things go. or a signal i'm going in the right direction?

your concern about assumptions is one that struck a chord, though. i have some additional thoughts from my own unraveling that you or another stranger might find useful.

i feel like many of us who have been #online for a while have been conditioned to worry a lot about making assumptions or false equivalencies when talking to each other. we understand pretty well how someone's experiences could be minimized or marginalized in these exchanges. we're all so deeply worried we're going end up centering our own emotions in a conversation. it feels... rude, almost? i am not sure where this moral compulsion comes from.

but refusing communication for fear it could become miscommunication is starting to seem like a recipe for a very lonely life to me. i've been consciously pushing against this compulsion to stay silent lately.

i've started taking the chance on communication. just randomly, out in the world. complimenting people's outfits, talking about the weather, commiserating with people whose jobs i've worked. just grabbing every flickering potential connection to another person.

like i'm fishing. or being fished. i suppose it's mutual.

but for every 25% of awkward conversations i have with strangers because i said a little more than normal, the other 75% of the time i end up experiencing some sort of serendipitous connection. that's certainly more fish than i was catching before.

it's still not easy by any means. i am still very easily overstimulated. i couldn't maintain conversation with a stranger in a crowded convention hall for more than thirty seconds last weekend. but 75% of the time i walk away a little bit lighter. i'm starting to believe being a human doesn't feel as heavy when you do it together. if we're still humans. we might be fish.

that's all to say, thank you. with gratitude, i wanted to share one of my favorite songs. i think it really captures the emotion i find myself feeling a lot lately. it rained yesterday, and it's probably going to rain again today.

sometimes it's important to talk about the weather. it's important to know when someone else is waiting for the rain with you. fish need the rain, after all. life wouldn't exist without it.

[canyonroads]

100 Albums // 2024

One of my resolutions for 2024 was to sit down and listen to more full albums, uninterrupted from beginning to end, with limited song-skipping. Here is where I'm compiling those albums + my thoughts on them as I go.

If you see this (which you might because Im pinning it for ease of access), you should reply or send me a message with your favorite album. I just may give it a listen! Thanks!!

How I'm choosing the albums: many of these are "I randomly found one song off this album, I've been meaning to listen to more". But some are just iconic, genre-defining albums that I know I'm doing myself a disservice by not listening to yet. But most are also blind suggestions! From friends and coworkers.

How I'm rating them: this is PERSONAL TASTE ONLYYYYYY. Some albums I acknowledge will be impossible to rate this way, but for the most part I am JUST rating based on MY taste. I'm trying to be open minded to any and all genre's but I'm aware my tastes lean indie.

‐----------------‐-------------------------------------------------------

1. Self-Titled - Bon Iver (2011)

Rating: 4/10

Fav Songs: Holocene, Towers, Wash

Notes: I REALLY wanted this whole album to be like "Holocene" but overall it's pretty... Meh, save a few songs. The bits I enjoyed were experimental aspects that remind me of "33 God". I will listen to that album too at some point. I haven't given up on Bon Iver, anyway.

2. Get to Heaven (Deluxe vers) - Everything Everything (2015)

Rating: 8/10

Fav Songs: The Wheel (is turning now), Only As Good as my God, Blast Doors

Notes: I absolutely LOVED this album. I've been obsessed with OAGAMG for years, and most of the album is just as good if not better. Love the post-modern, religious imagery and overall messaging. Not every song totally landed, though, which is why it's only an 8/10.

3. Nearer My God - Foxing (2018)

Rating: 6/10

Fav Songs: Nearer My God, Five Cups, Lambert

Notes: I listened to this album on a rainy Sunday morning while finishing a book, and I'd say that's the perfect way to listen to it. Solid mellow vibes and sweeping, yet gentle, instrumentals- but nothing that really knocked my socks off.

4. The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess - Chappell Roan (2023)

Rating: 9/10

Fav Songs: Pink Pony Club, HOT TO GO!, Red Wine Supernova

Notes: Almost a perfect album, to me. High points are danceable, low songs still catchy as fuck. One part Madonna, part Lemon Demon?? Its just great. However, I think the opening song 'FEMININOMENON' is awful. I couldn't even finish it. Only thing keeping this album from a 10/10.

5. Born in the U.S.A. - Bruce Springsteen (1984)

Rating: I can't rate this are you crazy?/10

Fav Songs: Downbound Train, No Surrender, Dancing in the Dark

Notes: I won't even try to rate this album because it's so classic and contextual. I really loved it, though- especially with an eye on the way Springsteen satirizes, critiques, yet appreciates masculinity and methods of American patriotism.

6. Fine Line - Harry Styles (2019)

Rating: 5/10

Fav Songs: Cherry, Fine Line, Adore You

Notes: Another tame background listen. A few bangers but the rest is very meh. Also included my second song skip on this entire list, which is never great. I will probably not listen to any more Harry.

7. Mystére - La Femme (2016)

Rating: 7/10

Fav Songs: Ou ve la Monde, Sphynx, Mycose

Notes: First foreign language AND rec album for an artist that I'd never listened to. Really cool stuff here, very experimental- some of it is more straightforward electronica, some of it almost 60s sounding Halloween beats, some psychedelic rock- but I really enjoyed it!

8. Put Yourself Back Together - Real Friends (2013)

Rating: 3/10

Fav Songs: Skin Deep, I've Given Up On You

Notes: Chose a short one to end January on 8, but I found this album tremendously disappointing. All in a row like this, the whininess of Real Friends REALLY starts to grate after about 3 songs. Its way beyond your usual pop punk whininess, too. By the albums end I was so grateful it was over.

9. Self-Titled - Vagabon (2019)

Rating: 7/10

Fav Songs: Flood, Full Moon in Gemini, Water Me Down

Notes: This album is very good, but the best songs are unfortunately the ones I'd already stumbled on. That isn't to say there wasn't some treasures to be found- and on continued listens, I think "In A Bind" could grow higher in my tastes. Overall, pretty damn good!

10. The Slow Rush - Tame Impala (2020)

Rating: 9/10

Fav Songs: Borderline, Breathe Deeper, On Track

Notes: GREAT album. Even the songs that don't stand out are so fucking funky, it's impossible to not groove. I listened to this while cleaning the kitchen at work and I was half-dancing through most of it. I'll listen to Currents at some point, too.

11. Pin-Up Daddy - Rett Madison (2021)

Rating: 10/10

Fav Songs: Pin-Up Daddy, God is a Woman, Fleas

Notes: Finally... a 10/10 album! Pin-Up Daddy is a song that impacted me very deeply upon first listen, and the rest of this is just as gutting. First album (of this list) to bring me to tears. Definitely not a listen-in-the-background album, Rett demands involvement in the stories.

12. You Are All I See - Active Child (2011)

Rating: 7/10

Fav Songs: Hanging On, High Priestess, You Are All I See

Notes: This album is really good- mixing R&B with 80s synth, and add this mans beautiful, Bon Iver-esque falsetto, its a dream. However, the worst bits of this album are definitely where he's trying to... *Sound* more black than he is (lol there's really no nice way to say it).

Also! This album led me to Ellie Goulding's cover of "Hanging On", and this next album...

13. Halcyon - Ellie Goulding (2012)

Rating: 1/10

Fav Songs: Hanging On

Notes: think I've avoided this album subconsciously. "Lights" is a 10/10 album for me, but this albums single "Anything Can Happen" is probably one of my most hated songs of the 2010s. Its awful. And I'm sorry to report that the rest of this album is just as bad- giving "overproduced" a new standard, losing every appealing and unique thing about "Lights". The dubstep beat running through the background of every song is SO grating and was actually starting to piss me off. The gem keeping this album from a total 0 is her cover of "Hanging On", which is very different from the original but feels like the only song that she put even an OUNCE of effort into.

14. Miss Universe - Nilüfer Yanya (2019)

Rating: 7.5/10

Fav Songs: Heavyweight Champion of the Year, Baby Blu, Safety Net

Notes: Great album that I listened to while deep-cleaning at work. Its high energy makes it good for cleaning, and I really enjoyed the pacing/content of the album breaks. Really atmospheric. Her voice is so unique and her range is just INSANE too.

15. Self-Titled - Elliott Smith (1995)

Rating: 6/10

Fav Songs: Good to Go, Needle in the Hay, The Biggest Lie

Notes: I've been meaning to get to some Elliott Smith forever- he is, after all, SO influential. I was vibing to his stuff- but nothing on this album really stood out much to me. That said- it's amazing how you can feel his influence on many other artists- Phoebe Bridgers, Frank Ocean, Bright Eyes... I especially felt that he was similar in tone to Sufjan Stevens, whom I just adore. Another great rec!

16. Self-Titled - Tracy Chapman (1988)

Rating: 💧/10

Fav Songs: Fast Car, Mountain O' Things, Talkin' Bout a Revolution

Notes: I don't know why I wasn't expecting this album to be SO political when, in my opinion, Fast Car is very political. But Tracy has a lot to say about being black, poor, a woman- not even to mention being gay. This album was trangressive and inspiring when it dropped, and it remains totally excellent.

17. Fantastic Planet - Failure (1996)

Rating: 5/10

Fav Songs: Dirty Blue Balloons, Saturday Savior

Notes: Another blind suggestion for a band I've never even heard of! Overall, very cool and super different from my usual stuff. Not totally MY vibe, but this album has a lot to offer musically. I even watched a biography video about Failure afterwards because I was so interested in their process.

This album also REALLY made me want to listen to a full Tool album, so...

18. Lateralus- TOOL (2001)

Rating: 8/10

Fav Songs: Schism, The Grudge, Reflection

Notes: This album rules. I got stoned as hell and listened to it while doing a mindless task and it feels like I really, truly heard all of the instrumental and vocal depth of Tool for the first time. Not every song captured me, but considering Tool is known for LONG songs, I'm surprised it's as engaging as it is.

19. Crimes of Passion - Pat Benetar (1980)

Rating: 5/10

Fav Songs: Wuthering Heights, Hit Me With Your Best Shot, I'm Gonna Follow You

Notes: This album is certified mid. Her cover of Wuthering Heights is inspired, and obviously Hit Me is iconic, but this album offers little else besides a few decent guitar riffs. Any given song had clunky lyrics, and this is just not as refined as I know Pat Benetar to be.

20. Caught in Still Life - VAULTS (2016)

Rating: 9/10

Fav Songs: One Last Night, Cry No More, Hurricane

Notes: Vaults basically encapsulates all my favorite musical things; electronic percussion mixed with pure instrumentals like strings, piano, harps, or chimes- plus clear, lovely vocals... It's just excellent.

21. Currents - Tame Impala (2015)

Rating: 9/10

Fav Songs: Eventually, Disciples, The Less I Know the Better

Notes: Told you I'd listen to Currents too! I liked this album a tiny bit more than The Slow Rush, I just feel like it was better put together and the flow between songs is perfect. But they are both SO good.

22. Modus Vivendi - 070 Shake (2020)

Rating: 7/10

Fav Songs: Morrow, Rocketship, The Pines

Notes: I think this is my first hiphop album of this project, which is insane. This is a good example of how the flow between songs can really make or break an album. I didn't love too many specific, individual songs- but I loved the structure as a whole which can carry a lot. I also just really enjoy 070 Shake. Her flow scratches an itch.

23. Proof of Life - Joy Oladokun (2023)

Rating: 8/10

Fav Songs: Changes, Somehow, Friends

Notes: Another album from someone I'd never heard of, and it's great! Joy was recommended to me as someone who likes Taylor Swifts 'Folklore' album. I would not say it's much like Folklore, but it was still wonderful. She has a voice like velvet and this folky, optimistic way with words. 'Changes' could have been my pandemic anthem.

24. 3.15.20 - Childish Gambino (2020)

Rating: 2/10

Fav Songs: 42.26, 35.31

Notes: (I listened to this literally days before he removed it from Spotify!) My partner reminded me of this album. Starting, I wondered to myself; "this album has been out for 4 years. Why haven't I heard any songs from it??" And the answer is; because they're bad. Like, really bad and not even in a fun way. Songs listed are listenable but I don't see myself revisiting them.

25. Strange Trails - Lord Huron (2015)

Rating: 8/10

Fav Songs: Meet Me In The Woods, The Night We Met, Fool for Love

Notes: After the last one, I wanted an album I knew would be decent so I went with Strange Trails as I'm familiar with a handful of songs. It's great! I just love the way he tells stories here. Reminiscent of old country. Redacted points for putting both 'Love Like Ghosts' and 'Meet Me In The Woods' on there. In theory, the idea of the same instrumentals with different lyrics is interesting- but in practice feels like LLG is the rough, first draft and shouldn't have been included.

26. Unreal Unearth: Unheard - Hozier (2024)

Rating: 9/10

Fav Songs: Empire Now, Too Sweet, Wildflower and Barley

Notes: Feels a bit cheat-y since I've heard almost every song off this 'album' except these new 4 added by the EP, but... I love Hozier and I wanted it to count because I listened to the whole thing like 3 times in a row. Lol.

27. Saved - Now, Now (2018)

Rating: 8/10

Fav Songs: SGL, Powder, Drive

Notes: This album is one that inspired this project, so I'm not sure why it took me so long to get to it. Now, Now has a truly unique sound that I struggle to classify, and I simply love it. Catchy, yet complex and dreamy. Not every song landed but I'll be coming back to this one for sure.

28. Sahar - Tamino (2022)

Rating: 7/10

Fav songs: The First Disciple, The Longing, Fascination

Notes: Overall, I think I like his album Amir a bit more but this ones still great, especially to throw on in the background while you're doing stuff. His music is so layered and rich, truly unique sounding. That said, I REALLY don't like "Sunflower". I've heard it a few times now and I like it less every time.

29. Spirituals - Santigold (2022)

Rating: 6/10

Fav Songs: No Paradise, Fall First, Ain't Ready

Notes: This one was a coworker recommendation. Its just okay! I appreciate how unique and difficult to genre-fy Santigold is, but I prefer some of her older stuff. This album still has some great flow and a few total gems, though.

30. Beauty Pageant - The Bobby Lees (2018)

Rating: 8/10

Fav Songs: Radiator, Mad Moth, Bobby Lee

Notes: Another coworker rec and I LOVED this album. The old-punk feel is so visceral, you could close your eyes and be in an 80s basement show. I couldn't BELIEVE how new this is. Not a casual listen for sure, but worth a quick dive if you feel like going hard.

31. Чёрный альбом - Kino (1990)

Rating: 🎸/10

Fav Songs: N/A

Notes: This was a bestie-rec but I've listened to enough Kino in the past to know it probably wasn't gonna be my vibe! And sure enough, it wasn't. I enjoyed it ok, but most of the songs just blended together for me. I spent a good chunk of time reading about Kino afterwards, though. Cool band.

32. Older - Lizzy McAlpine (2024)

Rating: 8/10

Fav Songs: Drunk Running, Staying, Broken Glass

Notes: Lizzy's album before this, "ten seconds flat" is a 10/10 album that CONSUMED my entire Spotify wrapped last year. I was cautious about this album and I'm glad for it, because it's VERY different. I still enjoyed it a lot, but to compare the two would be weird. This is a melancholy album with very few highs, a jazz-feel throughout, and features Lizzy's voice on full display. A few songs bored me to death, musically, but a lot of it also brought me to tears!

33. Apocalypse Whenever (Deluxe vers) - Bad Suns - 2022

Rating: 3/10

Fav Songs: Maybe You Saved Me, When the World was Mine

Notes: This was my first truly disappointing listen. I love Bad Suns and "Disappear Here" is an album I just BLEED for. This one falls flat in comparison, and the culprit is obvious. I'm not sure if the singer is trying to sing in a more healthy way or something, but his voice just totally lacks that indescribable *thing* he does. The special sauce, if you will. As a result every song sounds really low-energy?

34. Fade to Bluegrass (a tribute to Metallica) - Iron Horse (2003)

Rating: 7/10

Fav Songs: Nothing Else Matters, Unforgiven, Wherever I May Roam

Notes: Another coworker rec, and the concept really intrigued me. I don't even like Metallica but I'm familiar enough with them to admit these songs went hard. A few I even feel lend themselves better to the Bluegrass genre?? A really interesting listen!

35. The Tortured Poets Department (ANTHOLOGY) - Taylor Swift (2024)

Rating: 4/10

Fav Songs: I Look in People's Windows, Down Bad, The Black Dog

Notes: Certifiably mid. Does not justify being 31 effing songs long. Most of it sounds indistinguishable from one another and I feel like she has stopped refining her first drafts. Every song is so densely packed with lyrics, I wish she would just write a poetry book or something. And this low energy 'talk-singing' thing she does now sounds awful and bores you to tears by the end.

36. The Secret to Life - FIZZ (2023)

Rating: 7/10

Fav Songs: The Secret to Life, Close One, Hell of a Ride

Notes: My partner brought this supergroup to my attention because I listen to 3/4 of the members solo stuff. It's a great collab album and I LOVE the flow from song to song. Its also just a super fun listen.

37. Cure for Pain - MORPHINE (1993)

Rating: 7/10

Fav Songs: All Wrong, In Spite of Me, Thursday

Notes: Forget bands I've never listened to, this one comes from a GENRE I've never touched; jazz fusion. My extreme enjoyment really caught me off guard, but the sax is one of my favorite instruments and it shines in all forms through Morphine. The real gem, though, is the singers voice, which delivers a rich rock and roll sound.

38. Here in Your Bedroom (2020) and Medusa (2018) - Kailee Morgue

Rating(s): 8/10 & 4/10

Fav Songs: Still, Dying to Live, Knew You

Notes: These are both small EPs, so I listened to them together expecting to mostly feel the same about them. I do NOT, so rating them together feels unfair now. My bad. The earlier stuff is very early. It's not unlistenable, but it's nothing exceptional. 4/10. However, the latter is AMAZING. I adore 'Still' and I think it's one of the best songs I've heard in recent memory. 8/10.

39. Floetic - Floetry (2002)

Rating: 9/10

Fav Songs: Say Yes, Headache, Sunshine

Notes: Holy fuck I loved this album. Another blind rec from a coworker that comes in the midst of some modern rap controversy. This album beautifully blurs the lines between hiphop, rap, jazz, and R&B, and it is SO horny. The sexual tension ripping out of this album is unbelievable and excellent. A few songs kind of bored me, but not usually for long before I was whisked away to enjoyment again.

40. 12 Golden Country Greats - Ween (1996)

Rating: 3/10

Fav Songs: I'm Holding You, You Were the Fool

Notes: Another coworker rec from a guy who was VERY upset I'd never given Ween a chance. This one is tough because I can see the clear and present artistry, but Ween is just... Not for me. I listened to some of their other stuff with similar disinterest, so it isn't just the stab at country, either. However, it's still a fun album.

41. けものたちの名前 - ROTH BART BARON (2019)

Rating: 8/10

Fav Songs: Skiffle Song, 春の嵐, iki

Notes: Felt like I was due another foreign language album, so I gave ROTH BART BARON a listen. Japanese folk is always awesome. I love the almost jazz-fusion aspects of this album and it has great flow. His voice is gorgeous, and the trumpet and violin are working overtime here.

42. Sound & Color - Alabama Shakes (2015)

Rating: 4/10

Fav Songs: Gemini, Gimme All Your Love

Notes: This started off badly because I asked my followers for R&B recs, and this is decidedly a funk/soul album. Not what I was looking for, and not my vibe. The singer is AMAZING but I feel like the rest wasn't quite as good as her, and a lot of it songs sounded very similar. Objectively, I'm sure anyone who likes funk would get more out of it.

43. Indian Yard - Ya Tseen (2021)

Rating: 7/10

Fav Songs: Close the Distance, A Feeling Undefined, Light the Torch

Notes: Cool album and another blind rec. Very varied and experimental, which is what you'd expect from an artist of physical design dipping into music for the first time. I LOVED the hiphop elements, and the features were great. A few songs were kinda droning and didn't totally land. But an incredible first effort.

44. Hit Me Hard and Soft - Billie Eilish (2024)

Rating: 7/10

Fav Songs: WILDFLOWER, THE GREATEST, LUNCH

Notes: I probably would not have listened to this so soon after it was released if not for some friendly pestering. It's good! It's about what I expect from Billie. The slow songs are beautiful, she always captures this hollow feeling that is very special, and the fast songs are... Weird! I see the artistry, but I kinda wish there was something more surprising from Billie on this album.

45. Young, Loud, and Snotty - Dead Boys (1977)

Rating: 8/10

Fav Songs: Sonic Reducer, Down in Flames, High Tension Wire

Notes: GREAT rec from a coworker that I'm surprised I wasn't already aware of. I love classic punk, and the Dead Boys are CLASSICCCC punk. Still, they manage to capture something totally unique, too- especially in songs like High Tension Wire.

46. You're a Man Now, Boy - Raleigh Ritchie (2016)

Rating: 9/10

Fav Songs: Werld is Mine, Bloodsport '15, Keep It Simple

Notes: This was a spontaneous choice upon learning that Jacob Anderson has a music career. But boy, I don't regret it. Jacob's unique mix of trip-hop, soul, and rap create a truly incredible album. His flow is AMAZING, and his accent is so charming. Can't wait to listen to his other stuff AND he has a third dropping later this year.

47. Bigger, Better Faster, More! - 4 Non-Blondes (1992)

Rating: 8/10

Fav Songs: Morphine & Chocolate, Superfly, Pleasantly Blue

Notes: I'd never listened to 4 Non-Blondes beyond Whats Up, and obviously that was a huge mistake. I didn't realize how capable Linda Perry was at sounding exactly like Robert Plant. But their rock sound is also so wholey unique, it's not totally fair to compare them to Led Zeppelin... I wish there was more!

48. Self-Titled - The Philharmonik (2018)

Rating: 6/10

Fav Songs: Underdog, Neon Lights, Good Day

Notes: Similar notes to the Ya Tseen album, though I liked it a bit less. Good stuff, can get experimental but you really feel the album flow.

49. Disco - Kylie Minogue (2020)

Rating: 10/10

Fav Songs: Magic, Real Groove, Supernova

Notes: Was starting to wonder if I'd ever get another 10/10! I was in a random Disco mood and stumbled on "Magic", which I immediately fell in love with. Listened to this whole album and it's just magical. I've never given Kylie much thought at all, but now I think she might be genius.

50. American Hero - Towa Bird (2024)

Rating: 7.5/10

Fav Songs: This Isn't Me, Boomerang, Sorry Sorry

Notes: The first of some summer releases I've been looking forward to. AMAZING first album from Towa. Her voice is so unique, but it's obvious that she's a guitar player first and foremost. The album is almost centered around the guitar, and it's pure artistry. Can't wait for more from her.

51. iTopia - The Get Right Band (2023)

Rating: 8/10

Fav Songs: The Outrage Machine, Generation Happy or Dead, Miracle/Mess

Notes: Very topical to the 'now'. Almost too topical, because I think it works best as a single, long listen. But oh, who cares. It's a great album and you can tell the artists put a lot of thought into it. Thanks to whichever follower recommended it!

52. Nebraska - Bruce Springsteen (1982)

Rating: Once again, how do I even rate him?/10

Fav Songs: My Fathers House, Nebraska, Open All Night

Notes: Another Springsteen listen. I think I liked the overall cohesiveness of "Born in the USA" more, but "My Fathers House" quickly became a favorite Springsteen song. It's so gutting. I don't even know how to write about it. This album is very emotional.

53. The New South - Hank William Jr. (1977)

Rating: Yee Haw/10

Fav Songs: You're Gonna Change, Tennessee, Feelin' Better

Notes: Another coworker rec that I was hesitant about because HWJ is such a colossal asshole. But I'm trying not to let the rep of the artist influence my work, here. Very cool album- reminiscent of Waylon Jennings and Hank's voice is just amazing.

54. Big Ideas - Remi Wolf (2024)

Rating: 9/10

Fav Songs: Toro, Wave, Cinderella

Notes: Another highly anticipated summer release, and it doesn't disappoint. Remi is a rising star and I just love her way with words.

55. RMCM - Richy Mitch & the Coal Miners (2017)

Rating: 4/10

Fav Songs: Evergreen, Lucerne

Notes: This was a coworker rec but I was already pretty familiar with Evergreen. I wanted this album to be better but it's not offensive, either. Good for a summer morning listen but there's not anything that impressive or unique about it.

56. Stick Season - Noah Kahan (2023)

Rating: 10/10

Fav Songs: Dial Drunk, Call Your Mom, Paul Revere

Notes: I've been hearing about Noah for years, but I just never got around to him. Now I'm kicking myself for it because this album is AMAZING.

57. Blame My Ex - The Beaches (2023)

Rating: 9/10

Fav Songs: Me & Me, Edge of the Earth, Blame Brett

Notes: These girls are unrealized genius. The satire of songstress womanhood that flows through this album is incredibly smart, only overshadowed by how genuinely catchy everything is. The speed up at the beginning of Me & Me is so god damn fun.

58. DEAD ENDS AND DIVERSIONS - Raleigh Ritchie (2024)

Rating: 7/10

Fav Songs: Security, Hyperventilating, iLie

Notes: Another anticipated summer album, and the first slight disappointment. This album is still great, but it's a bit of a let down from "You're a Man Now, Boy". It also feels quite short because a lot of it is live performances of older songs. But overall, Jacob never truly misses.

59. Halo - Bakar (2023)

Rating: 7/10

Fav Songs: Facts_Situations, Alive!, Hell 'n Back

Notes: This was a coworker recommendation that was a bit blind for both of us, because he could only tell me that his teen kids like it. But those kids have great taste! A little weird doing two back-to-back British hip-hop albums, but they couldn't be more different. Bakar's music really capture's that Saturday morning R&B vibe.

60. Marigold - Pinegrove (2020)

Rating: 6/10

Fav Songs: Dotted Line, No Drugs, Endless

Notes:

61. Bismillah - Peter Cat Recording Co. (2019)

Rating: 5/10

Fav Songs: Floated By, Remain in Me

Notes:

62. Paradise State of Mind - Foster the People (2024)

Rating: 9/10

Fav Songs: Lost in Space, See You in the Afterlife, Take Me Back

Notes:

63. Discovery - Electric Light Orchestra (1979)

Rating: 6/10

Fav Songs: Last Train to London, Don't Bring Me Down, The Diary of Horace Wimp

Notes:

64. I Saw the TV Glow OST - Multiple Artists (2024)

Rating: 8/10

Fav Songs: Starburned & Unkissed, Claw Machine, Psychic Wound

Notes:

65. Tourist History - Two Door Cinema Club (2010)

Rating: 7/10

Fav Songs: Undercover Martyn, What You Know, Cigarettes in the Theatre

Notes:

66. This Empty Northern Hemisphere - Gregory Alan Isakov (2009)

Rating: 9/10

Fav Songs: Big Black Car, If I Go I'm Goin', Evelyn

Notes:

67. Preachers Daughter - Ethel Cain (2022)

Rating: 10/10

Fav Songs: Strangers, Western Nights, American Teenager

Notes:

68. The Money Store - Death Grips (2012)

Rating: /10

Fav Songs: Hustle Bones, The Fever, Lost Boys

Notes:

69. Prelude to Ecstasy - The Last Dinner Party (2024)

Rating: 8/10

Fav Songs: Cesar on a TV Screen, Nothing Matters, Sinner

Notes:

70. IGOR - Tyler, the Creator (2019)

Rating: 10/10

Fav Songs: NEW MAGIC WAND, IGORS THEME, ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?

Notes:

71. Loveless - My Bloody Valentine (1991)

Rating: 7/10

Fav Songs: When You Sleep, Sometimes, I Only Said

Notes:

72. Whitney - Whitney Houston (1987)

Rating: /10

Fav Songs: I Wanna Dance With Somebody, So Emotional, You're Still My Man

Notes:

73. Capacity - Big Thief (2017)

Rating: 8/10

Fav Songs: Haley, Mythological Beauty, Pretty Things

Notes:

74. Worlds - Porter Robinson (2014)

Rating: 9/10

Fav Songs: Sad Machine, Polygon Dust,

Notes:

75. Self-Titled - Mutemath (2006)

76. Self-Titled - Sunday 1994 (2024)

77. The Great Impersonator - Halsey (2024)

[toxicanonymity]

Hey :)

About Lincoln, I listened to the 4 The White stripes songs, and the first thing I wanted to tell you was that the atmosphere suited the Lincoln series perfectly it's insane. I don't know if the music influenced you or if the series came to you and you then created the playlist, but I find it incredible that it fits so well in terms of atmosphere !

About the songs

Screwdriver - Of course got me with the Tommy line. I don't know if he'll be part of the final, hard to say, and would it be for asking his help ? (by Lincoln ? by reader ?)

Forever for her - I wonder if it's his thoughts, hurt by the fact she would left him (kill him ?) Or him wondering how he could stay with her, without being caught up by what he did ? So they would go elsewhere ?

A martyr for my love for you - Is he gonna leave her ? Let her go ? Kill himself to free her ?

You've got her in your pocket - Well this one is the opposite (thanks for the rollercoaster lol) and i'm wondering if he's gonna kill her ? Consider it to keep her for himself ?

Keep wondering how this will end. It took me so much times to see red flags in this series. It's interesting to see how people have different "keys" that creates red flags or not - The green/red flags of other readers you posted were quite telling !

Thank you for the songs and the playlist, i discovered cool ones !

Ask from August 10 - Milla had asked for the next chapter title, which at the time was supposed to be the finale. Instead, I narrowed it down to 4 songs, each of which have some relevance , even if it's a tiny detail or in a dif context than you'd expext. The title songs aren't always good clues but have at least some minor tie-in. (Forever for her was the next chapter)

⚠️ This answer may have references through pt. 7

Left in Lincoln Master List

Consciously, the story came first, then the music hit me after pt. 1 and I started including little details from the songs. I originally named pt. 1 "the Protector" in reference to the end of the chapter:

You thought about Bill and Frank's attempt at "the Talk" – how precious you were and that you could love anyone, but needed to protect yourself. Especially from men. Joel seemed like the protector. Not someone you'd need protection from.

I kept thinking, I could've sworn there was a song, but I couldn't find it. Then, days after posting the the first chapter, the song This Protector randomly got stuck in my head after not hearing it for years. It was never one of my favorites of theirs, but when I listened to the full song, it gave me chills how perfect it was, and not just the title.

You thought you heard a sound, there's no one else around, Looking at the door, it's coming through the floor

I ret-conned the pt. 1 title, changing "the" to "this," and decided to make the rest of the chapters White Stripes songs because they have enough songs with the right atmosphere and creepiness. Even certain motifs like apples, which were already in the story. Even the age gap factor, I mean look at Passive Manipulation, which of course was way too on the nose to use as a title lol:

Take a step back, take a look at one another You need to know the difference between a father and a lover

And In the Cold, Cold Night (sung by Meg)

You make me feel a little older, like a full grown woman might.

Anyway, there's a lot of good stuff. Screwdriver even has a Tommy in it as Milla mentioned.

Before this one, I had never made a story playlist before. I kinda lucked out on this. I overplayed the White Stripes so much in my formative years that I still know all the words to an alarming number of songs two decades later, for some of them.

As for the theories, I wouldn't feel right about killing reader or Joel in this story even though either of those could totally be realistic outcomes in different genres like straight horror or even true crime.

There are also some great songs on the reader-curated Lincoln Joel playlist.

[snailsandpuppy-dogtails]

Pattern of Intent

This fic is a YEAR OLD TODAY! 😮 I've been kind of re-reading where/how I started in the fandoms I write for. When I started I didn't have a tumblr account, and even after i got one, I didn't really post my fics to tumblr, only to ao3... So i've decided as their "birthdays" come up, i'm going to post them. I missed a few so i might post those randomly just to get them added to my pinned list, but idk. Criminal Minds, Garvez Luke certainly isn't waiting for Penelope to show up to work, and Penelope would never get up early just to see Alvez.

WC: 767 Ao3

He was a morning person, an early-bird, always up before the sun and first to work. So it came as no surprise when he found himself alone in the FBI parking structure, sitting in his truck. He wasn’t waiting for someone, no, he wouldn’t do that. He wasn’t situated, seatbelt unbuckled listening to music in the front seat having gotten here too early busying himself for the next arrival. He definitely wasn’t waiting for Penelope Garcia to show up so that he could have a blessed moment alone with her riding the elevator. He wasn’t doing that because that would be weird and a little obsessive and they were teammates, and he wasn’t weird. Or obsessive. He just liked this song and wanted to finish it, and if another happened to come on after, that he also liked, well he had time to listen to that one, too. It reminded him of his mom, and maybe he should call her…no, it was too early. But if he called her, he would need to stay here and talk, he wouldn’t want to walk through the building on the phone, that would be rude and Luke Alvez was not rude. Just like he was not sitting in his truck waiting for his coworker to show up.

She was not a morning person, but for some reason she’d found herself rising with the sun. It was definitely Sergio causing a scene snoring too loud and purring against her face and she figured, what the heck she might as well get ready and go to work. She was not intentionally showing up earlier than normal in the hopes of catching another early arriving agent, knowing that particular agent was likely to be there before everyone else. No, she would never do that because she didn’t even like him. She hated him in fact. He bothered her. Loathed being trapped in the elevator with him. She was just going in because she was already up and why not get an early start on paperwork, compile files, make the most of her day? She was being a good agent, she was not looking to find Luke. And so seeing his truck in the lot did not send waves of excitement through her body. And seeing him in the front seat did not cause trills to her heart. And when he looked out his window to see her parking two spaces away and his eye caught hers and he smiled she only smiled out of civility, not because she couldn’t help herself from smiling whenever she saw his face. No, Penelope Garcia did not.

He didn’t twist his head expecting to see her, knowing the sound of her car because he had no reason to commit it to memory. And a grin didn’t break out across his face at the sight of her showing up early, or at simply seeing her, he was just a happy person. He definitely didn't shut off the radio and get out the second he saw her turn off her car, the song just happened to end at that exact moment and he didn’t like the next one. And he wasn’t waiting around for her to approach him, he just needed to check something on his phone. He didn’t smile at her warm and full and goofy and reflexively from just her sauntering up to him because that would not be an appropriate reaction to have at seeing a coworker. And he wasn’t handing her coffee from her favorite shop because he stopped there to get it for her, he just liked it too and they happened to have an extra and it happened to be her exact order.

They did fall into step and share 'good mornings’ because that’s what good teammates did, right? And they only got on the elevator alone because they just happened to be the only ones there. There were no secret smiles and flirty lovesick eyes, she definitely didn’t touch up her cherry-red lipstick while not breaking eye contact, and his tongue certainly didn’t peak out before pulling his lower lip in, and their fingers didn’t brush and their breathing didn’t slow and they didn’t find themselves inches apart as the doors dinged opened. Because they were in an elevator on FBI property. In the building they both worked in. And they were teammates. And it would be wrong. And she didn’t even like him. It definitely didn’t happen. And it wouldn’t happen again the following morning, or the one after that, because that would be a pattern. That would be intentional.

[mymarifae]

HI MILLIE!!! This might be a weird ask, but I just wanted to say seeing you on the dash always makes my day! You just have a great vibe and some of your posts have truly influenced me - like posts about the way you enjoy music!! Your enthusiasm is always so amazing to see and honestly I listen to the same music over and over so I got inspired by you to just listen randomly to a new album a day and just enjoy it and honestly it’s made me feel great this week; oh also because of you I started listening to In This Moment and they’re so great!!! Anyways thanks for being so open about ur enthusiasm and ur love of all things esp music<3333

OMG? AWWW THANK YOU?? 💖💗 you're a sweetheart 🥹 i'm glad my enthusiasm is fun to see and not just like. annoying SJFJDHFKFH ALSO HELL YEAH IN THIS MOMENTTTT my favorite band. they're like popular and all but almost no one around me listens to them and it makes me SAD because their music is so GOOD. you should come back and tell me what your favorite songs are so far <3

thanks for the kind words!!!!!! definitely made me smile 💗 i hope you're having a lovely day wherever you are 💗💗💗💗

[raeyapper]

tortured poets department song opinions if you don't care then don't continue reading

Fortnight ft post malone

i like this song so much more then I thought I would

like it's actually so good

not how I expected "I love you it's ruining my life" to be used but by gods do I love it

Overall 8.3/10

The tortured poets department

Its really good

Unexpected name drop in like the first minute

Okay just drop the fucking f bomb go off taylor

Oh shit she actually name dropped jack antinoff(?)

Overall 6.9/10 (haha 6.9)

My boy only breaks his favorite toys

I was actually scared for this one

HOW DOES THIS SONG ONLY HAVE 5K LIKES

This song isn't what I expected but at the same time it is

I really like it. It's giving delulu.

It's stuck in my head now tho.

Overall 7.7/10

Down bad

unexpected but totally welcome

I think this is one of my favorites so far

Also another f bomb in the chorus holy shit taylor.

Very katniss and peeta coded

This whole album is unexpected

I expect folklore Evermore type album, but it's like synth

which is fine it's still great just unexpected

Overall 9.2/10

So long London

Track 5 wish me luck :)

I am OBSESSED (with your ex) with the call and answer in the beginning ahfjdhsjdhchfj

I will never be the same after this song

This has changed me forever

But I love it so

Overall 8.9/10

But Daddy I love him

This right here is fear

Side note: Thank God this draft saved

THIS IS THE BEST SONG ON THE ALBUM I LOVE IT SM

girl taylor you can't just say shit like that then go "no I'm not"

I feel like this whole songs reason for existence was to freak people the fuck out.

Like that one line "I'm having his baby no I'm not but you should see your faces"

Taylor was like "what if I pranked their asses?"

But still my favorite so far

Overall 9.5/10

Fresh out the slammer

it was really good I liked it. Not as much as the others but I did like it.

Also why did the beat randomly change near the end. I'm not crazy that happened right?

Also that beat change was kinda giving reputation soooo

Overall 7.0/10

Florida!!! Ft Florence +the machine

I don't really know if I love it or like it yet

Its either gonna be one of my favorites or I will only listen to it once or twice.

But I will say Florence's voice is heavenly

Also f bomb number 3 taylor.

Overall either 6.3/10 or 8.4/10

Who's afraid of little old me? (I am. I'm afraid)

THIS THIS IS WHAT I THOUGHT THE WHOLE ALBUM WOULD BE

I LOVE THIS ONE ITS MY FAVORITE PERIOD DONE THATS IT.

Hfjchdjdbfjfjd holy shit I am in love with you taylor swift

Overall 10.5/10 exquisite

I can fix him (no really I can)

AGAIN THE FOLKLORE EVERMORE VIBES IS WHAT I EXPECTED

this song is better than I thought and I love it oh so much

I envisioned mist or fog for this song idk why

It just has misty vibes

Still I love this song soo much

Overall 10.8/10 (they are just gonna keep going up I think)

loml

loss of my life at the end 😭😭😭

Literally the saddest song on the album

I love it sooooo much though

I just realized I think I forgot guilty as sin? Oops

Still 10/10 song

Overall 11/10

Guilty as sin?

I predicted that this song would be my favorite and it might be if I listen to it more but rn it isn't

It is the most relatable tho.

Am j allowed to cry apparently not.

I do really like this song tho

Overall 9.8/10

I can do it with a broken heart

I have 2 thoughts

1 this song is so relatable its funny

"I'm so miserable and nobody even knows"

This whole song is just like:

��✨️✨️✨️ I'm super depressed ✨ ✨️✨️✨️

And she's so real for that

But thought 2

This song is so sad and now every time I watch the eras tour I will think of "the crowd keeps chanting more"

Overall 12/10

The smallest man who ever lived

H my God this is like literally a diss track

Like dam taylor he's already dead.

The bridge >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I was like "OH YEAH HERE WE GO" when that bridge started.

Overall 7.3/10

The alchemy

not what I expected

Definitely my least favorite

I don't know why but I don't like this one as much as the other ones

Overall 5.9/10

Clara Bow (again we are afraid)

this one was really nice

I like the message of like hey there were people before me and there will be people after me

Ya know like everyone is like omg your the next taylor swift

I like that she's addressing that.

Overall 9.8/10

Okay that's it I did the whole album. I will do the other bonus(???) Tracks later cause Jesus christ there is a lot of them. But thanks for reading my shit opinions on @taylorswift and the new album.

[midwinterhunt]

shuffle your favorite playlist and post the first five songs that come up. then copy/paste this ask to your mutuals ❤️ (only if you want to, of course!)

I am the most abnormal person about music you know. I quite literally spend HOURS micromanaging my music playlists.

Here is the length of my favorites selection (about half the songs in my hoard):

I would directly share the mp3 files of the songs that come up, but i'm worried tumblr might copyright strike me. So I'll be posting youtube links. (I'm doing a bunch of songs because once i start talking about my music i wanna keep going, this is my only consistent special interest)

Just Be Friends, vocaloid song

Waiting For Love, Aviici

The Element Song, Tom Lehrer

Joan, Heather Dale

Where I'm From, The Reklaws

We R Who We R, Ke$sha

Wildest Dreams, Malinda cover

Come With Me, Chxrlotte

Full Speed Ahead, Epic the Musical

How Far We've Come, Matchbox Twenty

Black Catcher, Give Heart Records cover

Shit, Bo Burnam

Deadname!, Flasch

Conversations With Strangers, Caitlin Cook

Choke, I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

Sex With A Ghost, Teddy Hyde

We Didn't Start The Fire, Billy Joel and Fall Out Boy

Elk Tour Suite Pt. 6, Centaurworld

Mud, Guy Clark

Last Resort, Papa Roach

General rule: I wanna talk about my playlists at all times. I will randomly assign you a song from my playlist! I will tell you about some of the most jarring songs that have played back to back! I'll tell you about the songs I love! The songs I hate! The songs I play on loop for ten hours. The songs I like but won't listen to. The ones that make me burst into tears. Songs I assign to characters. Just,,,,,,,, I wanna have Music be the subject of hanging out, not something that happens in the background while we chill together.

[blue-captain-frankie]

actually im just gonna answer all the questions in one post anyways lmao

✨- How did you come up with the OC’s name?

(i genuinely could not tell you, i think i just randomly came up with and stuck to it)

🌼 - How old are they? (Or approximate age range)

(as of blog canon she is currently technically in her early 30s but being undead because of a parasite complicates age things lmao)

(i have an internal idea of "shes been here for 4 years" but if she crashed at 31 that'd make her 35, so idk)

🌺- Do they have any love interest(s)?

(Clova/@green-captain-clova is currently her only "canon" love interest, so he's the default if someone asks if Frankie has romantic feelings for someone, but unless he's specifically mentioned/brought up i'm pretty open to figuring out new ones? she was already non-canonically shipped with Olimar before i made her blog, so this is not new lmao)

(tbh i'm not particularly attached to any of her ships so far, i just like giving her interesting dynamics with people. the slight ego boost from someone else's character having feelings for her is nice too lmao)

🍕 - What is their favorite food?

(i honestly could not give a straight answer for this one! Frankie likes eating anything i think, though as per her Koppai blood she has a slight bias towards fruit)

💼 - What do they do for a living?

(before Frankie died, she was part of a recon squad called the Four Corner Recon Squad. basically her job was to go either by herself or with a partner to planets that have been discovered but not explored, hang around there for about a week, and then report back so it can be decided if proper explorers should be sent.)

🎹 - Do they have any hobbies?

(i feel like she might like casual dancing if she tried it, but that's probably because i like to imagine characters dancing XD might also be leftover Olimar vibes)

(otherwise, i'm not sure!)

🎯 -What do they do best?

(in a way, i think one of the things she does best is try to hold herself together under stress. there're things that will inevitably break her, but she has a surprising amount of resilience for someone who's easy to unnerve.)

🥊 -What do they love to do? What do they hate to do?

(Frankie loves to swim and relax in water! it's genuinely her favorite thing in general, but especially now that she has gills and has all this clean water. she likes ferrying a small amount of non-blue Pikmin across water too, as a lot of them haven't been anywhere near water before.)

(she hates having to sacrifice Pikmin for... obvious reasons. she also hates having to run away from a fight she started because she thought she could take it.)

❤️ - What is one of your OC’s best memories?

(a day she spent with her grandpa on Koppai when he took a week off work for once! she was 9 years old, and they met up with her granduncle, Drake. It was her first time boarding a ship, seeing Koppai, and eating fresh fruit all in one day.)

✂️ - What is one of your OC’s worst memories?

(the day she got the news that her grandpa, Omi, had officially been declared MIA. she was 14 and took it extremely hard, especially when her mother told her rather bluntly. Frankie shut herself in her room for weeks...)

🧊 - Is their current design the first one?

(sort of? she was created with a specific suit design (both pre and during PNF-404), but for pikposting canon she's now wearing a Rescue Corps suit. so technically she has a "new design" but not a full ass redesign)

🍀 - What originally inspired the OC?

(i actually have an extremely specific answer to this one!)

(Frankie was originally inspired by this animation meme of the Pikmin 1 bad end set to Bloom by j^p^n. i don’t remember how but she just kinda came into my brain as i listened to the song on loop a lot. the animation of Olimar falling with a broken helmet helped inspire the way she died.)

(she was also born from my want to explore the original pikmin hybrid Olimar, and then Pikmin 4 came out and punched me in the face lmao)

🌂 - What genre do they belong in?

(fantasy, psychological horror, adventure, i think!)

💚 - What is your OC’s gender identity and sexuality?

(she's a stealth trans woman and straight!)

🙌 - How many sibling does your OC have?

(none! closest she has is her 14 cousins who she doesn't know about lmao)

🍎 - What is the OC’s relationship w/ their parents like?

(she didn't know her dad before he died. with her mother, they didn't have much of a relationship, but Frankie tries to remain optimistic(?) that her mother was the way she was (neglectful and aloof) for a good reason.)

(overall has the opinion of "she's not bad, she was just trying her best". ...That doesn't stop her from moving out later, though.)

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?

(her story, i think. just the way she's had all these ups and downs and that she's a captain and tries to stay strong but she still has things that'll break completely break her down)

(i also like that shes very easy to use for vents because she deals with self dehumanization and the feeling of being disconnected)

✏️ - How often do you draw/write about the OC?

(not as often as i'd like! mostly because i'm kinda burnt out on long formal rps and the amount of informal rping i do makes me not feel like drawing her. i do have ideas, just. not the energy.)

💎 - Do you ever see yourself killing off the OC?

(i technically already have/am, but she's been revived twice and will get revived again, so that doesn't exactly count. otherwise i dont think so! it'd be really difficult for her to die anyways though, there's two Wraiths and several Pikmin who definitely wouldn't let her.)

💀 - Does your OC have any phobias?

(Doctors. even before she becomes very "scientifically interesting" she has a phobia of doctors. i have no reason for this, she just does lmao. maybe it's a holdover from gone home au, idk.)

🍩 -Who is your OC’s arch-nemesis or rival?

(in a way you could say Tion/@tion-posting is, though i'd describe her as more of a foil than being an outright rival, though she's also a bit antagonistic towards Frankie at times.)

🎓 - How long have you had the OC?

(according to her Toyhou.se profile, Frankie has existed for two months! she was created on August 9th)

�� - What age were you when you created the OC?

(19! i'm currently 20.)

[upside-down-sock-drawer]

Hello and welcome to the 1989 Taylor's Version thoughts post. I'm putting all of this here because I know not all of my mutuals are swifties so this way I won't be spamming everyone's dash with my thoughts lol. I am writing all of this as I listen to it. It will be long. It is probably nonsense, you have been warned. Thoughts are under the cut.

Welcome To New York - The harmonies??? Hello?? Damn. The vocals feel a lot more raw. I loved this song to begin with. I love this one. DAMN THOSE VOCALS. 10/10 great start.

Blank Space - Gonna be honest, I didn't really like this song when it came out. Now, it's okay. Again, the vocals are way more raw. The old one was super synth-y and autotune? This one not so much. Not my favorite, but it good.

Style - This was my favorite song for sooo long. I have high expectations. The vocals again- damn. She doesn't emphasize the high notes like she did before. I am noticing a theme where the old tracks had a LOT of synth and these are kind of laying back on it.

Out Of The Woods - The backing vocals are way more clear?? Damn okay. She sounds so emotional what. HARMONIES OH WOW. The high harmonies in the chorus oh my god. Oh the bridge. Oh wow. Yep okay I love this. It hit hard.

All You Had To Do Was Stay - Okay okay it's getting redundant but god these vocals. They're so good what.

Shake It Off - I had to do dance routines to this song two separate times and I didn't want to do it either time. I don't like it now lmao. It's okay though. Again, I point out the lack of autotune.

I Wish You Would - I'm grooving so hard right now oml. It's so emotional but it's also incredibly groovy I love it. "It's all good" um girly are you sure?

Bad Blood - This was sooo overplayed when it came out. Vocals are super raw again. It's good though I don't hate it.

Wildest Dreams - I want to rap myself up in this song like a blanket and stay there for hours oh my god. I'm in love. There's nothing else to say.

How You Get The Girl - Ooh guitar. This is the first song I've heard distinctive guitar in. Honestly- not my favorite. It wasn't my favorite then and it isn't now. It's not bad, I'm just not a fan.

This Love - Ooh more guitar. This song is the kind that randomly gets stuck in my head and I don't really know that to do with it.

I Know Places - Oh god I love this song. Who knew running from the paparazzi could be such a fun song. OH WOW THAT SCREAM OKAY. THE HARMONIES. THE VOCALS. I'm grooving again I love this so much.

Clean - This is such an emotional song. I love it so much. It hits really hard for me. The raw vocals make it hit so much harder. I love this song. <3

Wonderland - Oh I'm grooving now. Ohhhh I love this. I don't usually like songs with Alice in Wonderland references because it's so special to me, but this one is okay I think. GODDAMN THEM VOCALS OKAY. Ohhhh vocalsssss. Okay I love this.

You Are In Love - This song makes me feel like I'm back floating in a quiet pond surrounded by little water flowers and little fish and frogs and a small waterfall. It's so nice <3

New Romantics - I love this song so much this better be good. She's really sticking with that theme of clearer vocals. Nothing sounds messed with at all. The chorus is... loud. I like it. It's pretty good.

VAULT TRACKS BABYYYY

"Slut!" - I was NOT expecting this to be so soft okay. Oh. Okay. Wow. I want to cry. "It might be worth it for once" Oh wow. That hit so hard.

Say Don't Go - Okay this is kind of what I expected. It's pretty good honestly. I can't tell if I should be crying or dancing. Oooh this is emotional. I like it. Vocalllls. It's good.

Now That We Don't Talk - This is more fast paced than I thought it would be. Lower register yessss I love it when she does this. OH WOW the lyrics are- oh wow. THIS BRIDGE OH WOW. Usually her songs fade out but this one just stopped so abruptly. I like it. I like it a lot.

Suburban Legends - Oooh I like this vibe. "You kiss me in a way that's gonna screw me up forever" OH GOD. Oh wow these lyrics. This hits so hard oh my god. "I broke me own heart cause you were too polite to do it" WHAT. Oh my god. I love this.

Is It Over Now? - I am preparing to cry. Oooh that intro that's interesting. This sound sounds very Out Of The Woods esq. OH WOW LYRICS OKAY. OKAY THAT'S AN OUT OF THE WOODS REFERENCE. WHAT WHAT THESE LYRICS WHAT HOLD ON. I need to process this oh my god. That's- that's a lot. This song is so good but oh my god that's a lot to unpack.

OVERALL

I love this album. It's absolutely amazing. The common theme that I found was all of the vocals were wayy more raw than the original. They also really laid back on the synth, which makes it feel way more like a pop album than an indie album which is the vibe I got from the original. All in all, 10/10 I will be listening to this for the nex few months.

[my-smial]

9 people you'd like to get to know better

tagged: @agapantoblu

Thank you, Agap, for tagging me! I like doing these things and I always need to do more things <3

tagging: @mornyavie, @rauwyn, @gender-trash, @melancholy--lion, @fandomreferencepending, @thewomanwhobloggedlikeaman, @blankerthought, @in-the-mists, @grundyscribbling, @sous-le-saule, @ainawgsd, and anyone else who wants to do it!

three non romantic duos:

Hmm, this one's tough. There's always a lot going on, so I could name sooo many characters. It would be harder to stop naming duos, so I'll choose a few media that have been particularly relevant to my life lately. Just know there are so many more. Every pairing from The Circle of Magic, for a start.

1. Percy de Rolo & Keyleth. I'm writing this while watching the Legend of Vox Machina TV show, so I decided to choose one of them. Ever since the first episode of both the show and the podcast, I enjoyed how these two bring out fun sides of each other. They're close, they love each other, and they relax around each other as they do around very few people. Even with their respective romantic pairings in the show - those are more fraught and intense. Percy and Keyleth always feel like they're having fun when they pair up.

2. Aaron & Andrew Minyard. Man!!! All for the Game has taken up my dash for months now, so I had to choose one pairing. I will choose the twins, because I can. I want them to like each other. I devour any fic I can find about them slowly blossoming their relationship over the post-grad years.

3. Wirt & Greg, from Over the Garden Wall. It's rewatch season! I love these two, and I enjoy the way they are brothers first and always. In particular, my favorite moment is when Greg, who is on the surface level scene more thoughtless and random, actively chooses Wirt over himself. He's offered to escape and chooses uncertainty instead to save Wirt and it's incredible. He is more thoughtful than a surface-level viewing would indicate.

a ship that might surprise others: mmm. Hm. This is hard. I don't really come up with non-canon ships often, and I am generally very normie when I do. I have non-canon hot takes like "Leverage OT3 is awesome" (that's a joke). So I'd say my most "surprising" ship is probably from Fullmetal Alchemist. I am firmly of the opinion that Ed and Winry should break up so she can follow her true love for Paninya, the mechanic girl with two metal legs from the baby episode. THEY ARE MEANT TO BE. Or maybe we can do fun polyamory! Winry has two hands.

last song: Come Out Ye Black and Tans by Colm McGuinness, specifically the rock version. Although I was listening to the regular and rock versions back-to-back on repeat. For Reasons.

last film: KNEECAP. I've listened to the band for a while and LOST IT when I found out they made a biopic and it was playing near me. Somehow I missed all the advertising until I randomly looked at a theater schedule??? Extremely funny being the rap fan in what felt like a room full of people there because of the Sundance win. I was honestly preparing to not like the film because Biopic Drama is not my genre, but oh boy was it not that. It was so fun. I was dancing and singing in my seat.

I loved their laissez-faire approach to whether this is a "true" story and the constant energetic thread their music pulled through the movie. It was a riot. As a bilingual film it felt very natural, clearly informed by people who actually live their lives bilingually - slipping in and out of languages happened logically, and the band walked a fun line between "suck it up and read the subtitles" and "99% of our audience doesn't speak this language or know this particular struggle, let's explain a few things in our own way."

Only thing I didn't like is that it's far more vulgar than I normally enjoy, but you know. I listen to KNEECAP on purpose. I knew what it would be like going in, it would honestly be disappointing if KNEECAP chose to clean themselves up for Hollywood. I actively chose to shut off that part of my brain during viewing, and it was a great time. Just know before choosing to view that the Trainspotting references are earned, and I can give you more detail if you want to go watch.

currently reading: The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson. I started it last year but didn't have the spare brainpower for such a complicated story - I got sick of keeping track of the POV swaps. But I did like the worldbuilding, so I eventually picked it back up and it's going much better this time around. For me, this is one of those books that I've been told to read so many times that I knew I would get around to it eventually.

currently watching: Actively on Season 3, Episode 11 of The Legend of Vox Machina TV show. Episode 12 is starting, time to wrap up.

currently consuming: Kimchi hash browns with eggs. Delicious.

currently craving: My fellowship application to get back to me please why does this take you so long.

This was really fun, thank you Agap!

[gabenvrhappened]

MusicOr... Hi and Bye by Joan

Favorite Lyrics (Right Back): I come right back around like a boomerang ⬩ You take me right back now like a runaway ⬩ You know that I can't live without you ⬩ You know exactly what you're doing;

Favorite Lyrics (Waiting On Nothing): The sunlight hits my face and I know ⬩ I'll be alright someday, I know ⬩ Got so much life left in me ⬩ I can't wait for nothing, and nothing at all;

Favorite Lyrics (Not Over You): What if you grabbed my hand and told me that you miss me (what if I saw you again) ⬩ What if you said what I've been feeling line for line ⬩ I'm not over you;

While scrolling through reels on Instagram, I saw one video saying how we will never experience all the art in the world. The video focused more on the fact that, no matter what, we would never be able to listen to all the music in the world. Neither all movies nor all books. That really struck me. It's such an obvious realization, but I think we never stop to grasp the truth in that. Especially nowadays, when there's always more and more content being thrown out there. I always pride myself on being very selective with the things I consume. For example, I never start watching a TV show right from the release day — unless, of course, it’s something I'm really excited about, like Heartstopper, for example — because what if it gets canceled? I hate unfinished stories. That's the reason why I only watched Never Have I Ever recently, after making sure it had an ending. That's why I'm considering watching Scream Queens only now (even though I remember not liking it much back in the day, but well, it has Emma Roberts, so I'll give it a try, especially because ChatGPT assured me it has some sort of ending). Relatably, I never start watching a movie without checking its score on Letterboxd.

These techniques are to make sure I'm making the most of my time to watch something worthwhile. It can sound borderline pathetic, but it makes total sense, specially after seeing that reel I mentioned: if it's humanly impossible to watch/read/listen to every little thing in the world, I might as well deplete the best ones I can, making the most of what I will realistically be able to experience. This positive look at things has its downside, though, because it's easier said than done for me. I usually tend to come back to the same safe things all the time, mostly because I become obsessed with them. So I keep listening to the same albums over and over again and I keep watching the same movies over and over again. Don't get me wrong, I love discovering new things, but it's so hard when there are so many possibilities out there. For that reason, it's awesome when I'm randomly going through my online life and finding something I like. I mean, I just met Haiden Henderson out of nowhere on the internet, and the same happened with Joan last year, which is the band behind the songs of this post, and that I will finally talk about after so much babbling.

Joan has this insane grab on me. I discovered them through a horrible moment in my life, where I was completely in love with the worst person to ever exist. Then, suddenly, my move to London was settled, and Superglue became the blueprint of the happiest phase of my life. Because of that, surprisingly, I can't listen to the album anymore. It hurts too much to remember how happy I was. I knew back then that the high wouldn't last forever, but I never pictured the lows would be so devastating and last so long. Joan hasn't become taboo to me, but since Superglue was the only thing I knew from them, it's been a while since I pressed play on anything they did. Until today. Until that reel. I figured that discovering new artists is exciting but, at the same time, difficultly overwhelming. There are many variables involved, including the most important of them: timing. So why not stick around for those who I already know and love?

With that in mind, pressing play on Hi was easy. The EP had the same vibe as their debut album but without the emotional impact I had imprinted on with my journey to those songs. It took a few rounds to absorb this body of work, but after a couple of listens, I remembered why I fell in love with them in the first place. Right Back got me rapidly by the throat with a gripping fist. Its vibe reminds me of Heat Waves by Glass Animals, and the ending is everything I wish Fresh Out The Slammer by Taylor Swift was. It changes, but not in an abrupt way. I could live inside that ending forever, so much so that it feels like a whole other dimension. Being just a short EP, it's impossible not to dig all the songs. Come Over has this delicious bass and provocatively drawn storyline about falling for the most beautiful, yet hard to get, creature in the world. With Something Special, I felt Joan's fingerprint style really stand out, bringing me back to their full album but without the hurt.

For the Bye side, though, it was a bit challenging at first. Described by Apple Music as the EP for the heartbroken, you’d think I would totally dive deep into that, but for some reason, I wasn't in the mood for sad slow songs. I don't know... it's too hot in Toronto for that. But when I decided to sit through the songs, it was easy to see how Joan's songs are really made for me. While So Done is the safest choice from this collection of songs for its upbeat sound and "fuck-you" lyrics, what stands out the most for me is Waiting On Nothing and Not Over You, because both have this haunting bridge at the end. While the first almost feels like a prayer for better times, the latter is a wondrous cry for help when help isn't really available anymore. This is the type of emotional damage I can get with while melting my life away this summer afternoon.

In the end, these two EPs are a clever addition to the two-guys-band discography. The first brings all the tumultuous emotions of falling in love, while the second brings all the tumultuous emotions of falling out of love. It's a full circle / sad journey that we all know we will face, but that we like to believe we won't. I'm glad I came to these records today. I'm glad I decided to occupy my brain with new lyrics instead of going back to the ones I know back and forth. I mean, it's not like I would never press play on them, but it would definitely take a bit of time. Thankfully, I'll be able to listen to these tracks for the rest of the day today, just to memorize the lyrics quickly and be able to sing these songs while picking up the keys to my new apartment in Toronto tomorrow. It's time to make new good memories in my life, and who’s better than Joan to help me with that? Next up on my let-us-not-waste-time-discovering-new-songs is LANY. Brace yourselves.

[kyupidos]

08/31/23’s delivery 🏹✉️ twisted wonderland

you mystify me ヽ( ･∀･)ﾉ_θ彡☆Σ(ノ `Д´)ノ,ヽ( ･∀･)ﾉ_θ彡☆Σ(ノ `Д´)ノ ;; summary. ‘their crush has taken to holding their hand while they sleep with them? insanity!’

characters. heartslabyul , octavinelle, diasomnia : trey clover , floyd leech , silver, lilia vanrouge ( separate ) ;; romantic . 🖇️ tags. reader is gender neutral ( you/your ), reader may or may not be yuu ( up to the reader ), pre-relationship, reader is implied to rarely slow physical affection, romantic fluff

📡 _a/n. might as well do something with my top three dorms. this post is based on that one ‘there’s only one bed’ trope, i imagine they’re at a hotel for one of nrc’s events or smth. idk. the title is based off the song that inspired me to make this post, aka ‘sunday’ by the cranberries :3

t. clover

— now, trey didn’t exactly know what he was getting into when he was informed you would be sleeping in the same room. there wasn’t much to think about, then; you’d be in the same room over the night, and that was that. it came to a surprise to him, as such, that there was in fact only one bed, and two of you.

— though, you didn’t seem to be too bothered by the idea. so despite the fact that he was quite a bit flustered, and the fact that you might’ve been too— he didn’t exactly get a good look at your face when you said it—, he settled into bed nicely, as did you. and eventually the two of you fell asleep. at least until late into the night, the moment his throat started to quench, so he opened his eyes tiredly to get some water, thus greeting him with the situation displayed before him right now.

— you were still pleasantly asleep, calmness evident on your face. though what had him blinking in surprise more than anything was the way your hand had a grip on his own, and he would have instinctively yanked it back out of half-asleep shock, but he managed to refrain from doing so. by this point he was wide awake, and his surprise replaced by warmness at the way you held his hand with such firmness.

— it was rather unexpected; after all, you never seemed to be one to hold hands, or hold people at all, really. sometimes another person would engage in physical contact with you, and though you never seemed exactly dissatisfied, you also didn’t look particularly happy with the contact either, so he figured he’d leave you be in that manner.

— so for something like this to happen; well, it wasn’t something he was expecting, certainly, but he had to say, it wasn’t like he didn’t like the feeling of you holding his hand. so perhaps the water could wait, at least just a moment.

f. leech

— to put it bluntly, floyd was more than ecstatic at the idea of sharing a room with you, for whatever reason. you’re his favorite person after all, why wouldn’t he be happy? the most surprise to him was the idea that there wouldn’t be two beds, but rather one; for whatever ridiculous reason that might have been for.

— he wasn’t quite sure how to react at first, things like this weren’t something he was used to, really. though, you didn’t seem to be pissed off too much at the prospect, so he figured he had no need to be in a bad mood now. you suggested simply sleeping together on the same bed, and he was more than happy to take you up on such an offer. in fact, floyd did tease you quite a bit about being so accepting of the situation, but gave up quickly to flop onto the bed excitedly, patting the spot next to him for you to be near him.

— as for how he came to realize the situation before him; his sleep schedule isn’t exactly the best, you see, especially in foreign situations. so every now and then in his deep sleep, he would randomly wake up, and maybe get up and exhaust his energy by walking around the room and then going back to sleep. but this specific time, this specific time was different. after all, his intrigue was all of a sudden caught by the sight of you clinging onto his hand.

— the moment certainly got his interest, after all, you never quite encouraged or entertained the idea of touching others. at least, you weren’t actively trying to stop him from giving you a light squeeze or showing off your upset at similar sort of actions, but he could tell pretty easily you weren’t the biggest fan. so he was quite curious, to say the least— perhaps you were fine with it around certain people, or it was an unconscious thing— he’d have to ask when you awoke.

— but before anything else, he’d have to give you a hug in response. after all, anything you were give him, he’d have to return ten fold. and despite his natural coldness in temperature, he couldn’t help but notice your body become warmer at the action. perhaps you weren’t fully asleep either? so many questions, all the more reason for him to be in love with you.

silver

— in a situation like this, silver couldn’t help but feel a little awkward, at least. thankfully he managed to outwardly react normally enough, but he couldn’t help but think about the idea of being in the same room as the one he’s romantically interested in without at least just a little bit of heat rushing to his cheeks. even more so at the realization that, for some unknown reason, there’s only one bed.

— the last he wants is for you to feel as nervous and flustered as he does, though he manages to keep it under wraps subtly enough, so though you seem to be nonchalant enough about such an event, he offers to split your sides of the bed with whatever extra pillows you may have. you have no reason to say otherwise, so in the end you do agree. so with the set up complete and he drifts off to sleep, silver thinks of that as the end of it— but if it was, we wouldn’t be here, right?

— as one of malleus’s personal knights, despite his constant tendency to fall asleep, he’d actually quite the early riser. so imagine his surprise when despite his initial intent to carefully get up and start his morning routine, the pillow that were set up were left scattered across the bed, one even having fallen onto the floor. and rather than a wall of pillows meeting his sight, he can’t help but have his eyes focus onto the way your hand is intertwined with his own.

— it takes him a while to process, but his eyes soften as he notices how peaceful you seem to be, no disturbances to force you awake, completely comfortable with how you are right now. the idea of something like this happening certainly never crossed his mind, or maybe it did and his mind is just forming a blank; but the warmth isn’t unwelcomed. in fact, it feels like it’s lulling him back into another sleep.

— and though he should probably get up and do his aforementioned morning routine, he’s well known for his usual tiredness, isn’t he? he can risk staying in bed for a little longer.

l. vanrouge

— inevitably so, lilia is the most casual of the quartet at the idea. though, that’s not to say he isn’t giddy about the prospect of being in the same room as the one he’s infatuated with, even if just for a night. no matter what your initial reaction may have been, he’s right beside you and smiling pleasantly, a snort of amusement at the first mention of the news as he asks you if you’re excited about the ordeal. and he acts somewhat similarly at the initial reaction when you were both greeted with the sight of a singular bed in the room you were to be staying in.

— perhaps in such a scenario, it would be him to be the one to suggest sleeping on the same bed; though he originally meant it as a joke. of course when you inevitably agree, he blinks at the notion but is back to his more teasing expression sooner than later. hence you end up falling asleep together on the same bed, and it’s a nice feeling, lilia must say.

— lilia doesn’t necessarily need the sleep, though, after all, he’s gone countless nights without such a thing. so he ends up awake in about the dead of night, and with nothing else to do he figures he might as well go ahead to the kitchen and scare anyone who just wanted to get a midnight snack or anything or the like. he couldn’t exactly say he awoke excepting to see his hand in yours. he has plenty experience with countless things, yet he can’t say that this is something he experienced often, even in his early years.

— truthfully so, lilia isn’t exactly the most used to physical affection either; other than say, with silver and malleus. perhaps he’s brushed shoulders with someone or poked someone’s back to give them a scare, but never exactly something like this, with a lover— or, someone who he wishes to be his lover— at the very least. and yet, he still couldn’t help but smile mischievously at how blissfully asleep you seemed, his hand still in yours.

— certainly, he’d be sure to tease you about this once morning were to rise. but, for now as the moon is still about, he’ll do you a favor and finish the hand hold, moving around slightly to wrap his hand around yours.

[nyctx]

#10

I feel sick, but that's given me time to think about random shit. It felt like dissociation, but I can honestly never tell. Maybe I just zone out for a bit, I stop talking for a bit and then everything pushes through me like a wave. Some of it is the realization of something, and some of it just is a specific memory that comes out of nowhere. It's one or the other, but it lingers in my mind for a few days or so. Sometimes I appreciate it, I can remember stuff randomly. But most of the time I don't, most of it isn't that pleasant and it leaves me thinking: 'How the fuck do I let myself get that bad? What the hell is wrong with me?'

I'll question my entire being, question why I had to turn out this way. I can give an example, maybe a few.

I can start off with the most light-hearted...sorta. Since we've moved, I've been sleeping on a singular mattress. No bed frame, no other mattress, just a single twin-sized mattress. Every time I notice that, I think of The Front Bottoms song, that song has implemented some sort of alteration in my brain. Maybe I was cursed to sleep on a twin-size mattress, maybe I'm repaying some sort of karma for something I did.

Another thing was the fact I may never see my grandpa again. On my mom's side, we don't see my grandparents or my tio that much anymore. She's cut contact, but that comes at a price. She told me that I can keep contact, but some part of me thinks it's disrespectful (I almost forgot how to spell that). I would think it was because my mom cut them off for a reason, if there's a reason then that means that I should probably respect it. But, the fact I might never see my grandpa again makes me dread and upset. I'm close to him and I miss him so much. It's like he's dead, but he's not. He's still with us and it makes me upset because knowing that he doesn't have long left is too much. His smile flashes in my mind and it makes me tear up. I realized it in a stupid way as well. I had been watching Sons of Anarchy and one of the characters reminded me of him that it brought me to tears and left me crying for 20 minutes. I've had so many long and deep talks with my grandpa that it just hurts. It hurts too much, I miss him so much I can't even begin to realize it. It bothers me so much, it's like a random jumpscare.

I'm not pushing on that subject anymore.

Back in middle school, I had the biggest urge to change something about myself all the time. Whether it be in hair, clothing, or personality, I just felt so out of place and out of control with myself. Any minor inconvenience leads me to want to chop my hair off all the time. The longest it got was to the top of my shoulders before I hacked it off with kitchen scissors. The only time I didn't regret it was when I gave myself bangs. But, I was happy in some way. I found happiness in my best friend, in writing, in the middle of the storm. I was suicidal, yes, but I made myself happy- even if circumstances weren't the best at home. Everything fell apart in a snap and at the end of the day, I had no one to turn to at all. All of my thoughts and memories are left in a journal that my best friend gave me. I stopped writing in it, yes, but I was too afraid to run out of pages. I never felt so afraid to talk to someone as I did then. I spent most of my nights alone, desperate to at least talk to my best friend before he fell asleep. I just..loved hearing him talk in a time of desperation. The only thing that really kept me company was the sound of the air conditioning running and the smell of weed. I spent most of my nights cradling myself to sleep and hugging a red couch pillow. It was small, but it did the job. for the longest time, the only pillow I had was a Ninja Turtle Pillow and I loved that thing dearly. It was my favorite thing. I kept the Post-it notes my best friend gave me hung on my wall, but I couldn't get those back after we moved out of the house. They're gone...I want them back. I would look at them, and I would think to myself; 'I have one thing to live for, one thing keeping me sane in that godforsaken school.' I have two plushies that keep those memories alive too, and I hold them close. I was bullied and messed with in school, and for him to look past that and still be there, I appreciated the shit out of it.

I love him, I'm not sure what kind of love it is, but it's genuine. It's something I've never felt before.

In the time that happened, it was all in a span of one school year. Not even a full year. When it was done and the dust had settled, everything felt worse, nothing felt...real. Like I had just been woken up from a nightmare or been splashed with cold water. That part of my life was over and it terrified me. I no longer had to explain to my teachers why I was so tired from the nights my parents would fight. I no longer sat in an empty house alone, watching Invader Zim or Ninja Turtles. I no longer had to worry about someone coming in to check on me at random times of the night. I no longer needed to have music blasting in the showers to kill the silence. Everything I had scheduled and set in my mind was deemed useless. Comforts of mine were just memories. I was..out. After 8 whole years, that was it. I lost a lot, my sister, my independence, my ability to be vulnerable. Being in a house full of people is something I feel like I've lost the ability to tolerate. I isolate myself in my room as a goddamn habit because I was so used to being alone. I still feel trapped in that time and place. Some part of me is still waiting for my mom to say she wants to go back. Some part of me is waiting for her to say that she's given in a gave it another chance. It was a loop I want out of because I never want it to happen again. Why am I stuck in a place that brings me more harm than good? Why am I still stuck in the past? I want to let go, it's a leech that feeds off my blood and it's only getting larger and larger.

Another realization I had wasn't even the outcome of me zoning out or dissociating or whatever happens when my mind goes to another place. It wasn't even me who made me realize it.

My mom had said the fact that my step siblings have had her around longer than me and my brother have in the span of a few months rather than the years I've been alive. When it first registered in my mind, I was in denial about it. I know my mom always had to work, but I thought that didn't count because she was still there, she didn't leave or give our rights away to someone else. I've always had my mom, just not in the way I thought. When it finally hit me, it sucked. Realizing how much she had to miss out on or how many times she couldn't make it to events or certain things, I had most of those memories lost, but looking back at it, it kinda makes me feel sad. The absence of her just sucks in general. She wasn't gone..but in a way, it felt like it. I've never really had a solid father figure in my life. One of the ones that was still in my life doesn't really give a shit. People can say he tries or that he wants to, but I know he doesn't. He doesn't care and won't attempt to care. I've been living off of bread crumbs to make him even want to care. It's only now that he's barely trying, but in the end, he's a lost cause. He lost that ability to make me give a shit. It makes me sad because he's been the one I called 'dad' first, but now it just feels like an empty shell. He took me out to dinner by myself a few times, but one of them was to remind me that he was the first person I'd ever called Dad. Only because I was meeting my biological dad. He only tried because he knew that, after that whole thing, he kept asking about it. Even when I met my biological dad, it didn't take him too long before he realize he no longer wanted to reach out because of his wife. I never gave him the chance again.

I had been a bastard child for 11 years. I'm fucking unplanned with a huge case of daddy issues.

One day, I just want to stop thinking, kill off my brain, and feel it slip out of my mind. I have so much on my mind all the time and I hate it sometimes. Most of the time, I wonder if there'll be a time when these thoughts go away. The only time it really does is when I pull an all-nighter and then pass out after because my mind is turning off and my body is recharging. It's also the same thing when I fall asleep after taking medicine for my period cramps. Inevitably, after I take a pill for it, I pass out and nap. My brain is so quiet during it too. Waking up after is like heaven, the sheets are always soft, my mind feels like it's floating in the best way, and in general, I don't feel so uptight. The reason this happens is because my body and mind are so strained and tired after cramping up my body. If I could be drowsy and sedated when I don't have to do anything, it would be nice.

Writing is like de-compressing and cutting pieces of my thoughts, I used to speak my mind by myself and put them in my notes by using text-to-speech. I usually did it when I was tipsy because it helps me speak more fluently and helps me say what I want to say better. Drunk words are sober thoughts type of things. When I would be sober and reread some of them, I would have to take half an hour to read everything. I would put them in different notes depending on the topic. Writing is my biggest coping mechanism. I might capitalize on it in the future. My biggest goal in life is to publish a novel of some sort. I don't really hope for that dream, I want to let it come to me naturally, if fate has that in store for me, then so be it. I feel like emphasizing dreams gives them less of a chance to happen. This is why I haven't told anyone about this blog, it's a safe space I go to whenever I need to speak my mind. If someone stumbles upon this blog, I hope I'm gone by that time or I'm ready for someone close to read my thoughts.

I just wish this blog falls under the right eyes, some things can be concerning, but if I speak them, I am less likely to act upon them, to get them out of my system. Writing is just throwing up my thoughts; (I don't have a good closer for this sentence)

-Dxll Face