#i might regret saying that i love this url

[three-dee-ess]

She three on my dee til i ess

she four on my dee till i ess

[toskarin]

how did you get started making music, tools-wise?

I've talked about this a bit before and I don't necessarily recommend doing this, so skip the following two paragraphs and go right to the one under the break if you actually want the method I recommend

I lied to a girl I liked from my school and told her that, because I could play guitar I could also play piano, so I could teach her to play piano. both of these statements were lies.

I had to panic and learn both guitar and piano one week ahead of the lessons I was giving her as an excuse to hang out. so I self-taught in a haze of panic and "maybe she'll like me" (she did not) (but she kind of did) (but she was bicurious) (but she was wishy-washy on if she wanted to get together and her parents didn't like me) (and her parents were homophobic) (I think she might have texted me at one point years down the line to tell me she had a girlfriend but it was after I deleted our text history and I'm chronically unable to remember to put people's names into my contacts so who knows)

but that's all an aside. that's a bad method.

anyway if you want to start making music in earnest, doing what I did when I got serious about making songs instead of trying to impress girls whose parents wanted to destroy me with their minds here's a better answer

go acquire FL Studio. it's apparently really easy to do this because people have been acquiring it for years, or so I've heard. FL is good for learning because you've got 20 years worth of free tutorials available to you on youtube to dig through and plenty of stock vsts to play with out of the box

FL Studio is, realistically, the only tool you actually need to start making music. you could get away with less, but it's what I used, and as long as you don't pick up Specific Bad Habits, your experience with it will transfer to other DAWs if you decide to switch it later

that's all, really

if you go this route, the golden rule I'm going to impart on you right now is that you need to have a limiter on your songs. the default FL studio song templates have one, so you should keep it until you know enough to know why you might adjust something like that

it doesn't matter if it sounds fine in the editor without a limiter. everyone thinks it's not a big deal at the time, but as you get more experienced, there's literally nothing short of getting in legal trouble that you'll regret more than realising that your old work is almost entirely unsalvageable because you didn't put a limiter on it and now half of the audio is just lost data to clipping

I'm gonna put a few more recommendations for things I've used, just so you can consider them if you need something else to chew on. everything past this point is entirely optional and you'll do just fine with FL Studio alone. in fact, probably don't worry about everything below the line

-=-

items marked with [F] are free.

DIGITAL AUDIO WORKSTATIONS THAT AREN'T FL

for tracker-based editing and chiptunes, use Renoise. you'll either love or hate trackers, and while they have a steeper learning curve than piano roll DAWs, they might come more naturally to you. I personally think that Renoise is a lot of fun to use. it kinda has an "addictive" quality to it, as funny as that is to say

for quickly sketching songs, use [F]Jummbox. it's an html workstation (multiplatform!) that writes your sketches to a url, meaning it's pretty easy to collaborate on musical sketches. Jummbox is good for making chiptune style instrumentals, but what makes it especially accessible is the fact that it works on a piano roll system, which will be familiar to you if you're working in FL

for writing sheet music, I recommend starting with [F]Musescore. I'll warn you right now that there aren't really any good notation editors and you're making lesser-of-evils decisions when you pick any of them, but it's probably the best compromise out there right now. it's the one I use when I need to hand something to a physical musician. you can also export pieces as midi, although there's better ways to do that lol

-

VSTs

if you can acquire Pianoteq, do that. if you feel uncomfortable with acquiring it, [F]Keyzone Classic is free and can sound pretty nice with a bit of work, but you really have to learn to work with it

if your workstation can handle it performance-wise, go pick up [F]Vital - Spectral Warping Wavetable Synth. there's tons of free presets for this out there and it sounds good. cool synth. Serum: Advanced Wavetable Synthesizer is also good and has plenty of presets, but it's on the pricy side, so consider how comfortable you are with [finding a friend to buy it for you]

[F]Decent Sampler doesn't do much out of the box, because it's just a tool for playing sample banks, but if you go to [F]Pianobook, you can find tons of weird and fun sample packs of just about everything you can imagine. sounds derived from folk instruments, industrial equipment, lego sets, stylophones, choirs, whatever. incredibly useful.

Valhalla VintageVerb. this is the reverb plugin. you want this one. [F]Valhalla Super Massive is also good but it's more focused on alien-sounding reverb effects and enormous spaces, so it's kind of got a niche use case and you should be a little careful with it

if you've heard a lo-fi hip hop song on youtube, it probably used [F]iZotope Vinyl. this one can save you a lot of time if you're going for that sound because it comes with all the little vinyl flourishes outside of compression (like dust crackling) that you'd otherwise have to add yourself

[F]Genny VST is advertised as giving a genesis/megadrive sound, but what actually makes it shine is that it's an actual synth emulating the YM2612 and SN76489 sound chips. this means you can create your own sounds that work within those specs, which is a lot of fun! definitely beats just using samples, if you ask me

-

HARSH VSTS THAT I PERSONALLY LIKE BUT WHICH ALSO MIGHT !!HURT!! YOU. SO BE VERY CAREFUL USING THESE.

[F]Tritik Krush is a bitcrushing plugin. it does a good job of bitcrushing and downsampling. I use it a lot in my songs, but you've really gotta know how to keep this one under control, because it's fully capable of making painful sounds on accident and can completely devour your mix

[F]FSA Latcher is a gorgeous noisebox. it screams in horrible ways and makes dying machine noises in various colours. this is the musical equivalent of working with radioactive material, so be extremely careful using this in anything you don't want to hurt the listener's ears

girlfriend just told me I have to recommend [F]Noise Engineering Ruina to you if I'm making a category with this heading. I don't personally use it, but she likes it (she's better at music than I am) and it's free, so you should go pick it up. "it annihilates sounds very deliciously" (maybe I should use it)

-

hope that helps a bit!

[maehemthemisfit]

MUTUALS

This is a LOT and probably half of it doesn't make any sense and looks like gibberish but yk what thats fine. Sorry I couldn't fit everyone!

@clovers-garden-co - my first ever moot, my one and only, bae, love of my life, my beloved, and the person who helped me make this blog so BIG SHOUT OUT to them!! ALSO CHECK OUT THEY'RE BLOG THEY DESERVE SO MUCH LOVE 💕💖💘

@fitzkn - my dawg, my guy, my fam, he's canonically a cat and part of the menace society. If you ever see me rb a convo with him, 9 times outta 10 it's gonna be something... idek how to explain it but you might laugh, you might cry, you might log out and rethink your life on this app. Conversations can range from genshin to a lawn mower don't ask me cause I have no words. He's also a talented writer an artists but will never admit it. If you're a fan of angst and genshin, I recommend digging through his blog and finding a fic called butter knife... I was in tears. HIS OTHER WORKS ARE CHEF KISS TOO MWAH

@some-stale-bread - we don't interact much but they're one of the OGs who welcomed me when I first started my blog. They're really cool and they're a good artist so check them out some time!

@senjusonlygirlfriend - we go way back, though we didn't interact much in those early moments. They're an amazing writer and friend and I love chatting with them <33

@path-of-yaksha - we also been moots for a while but I got hella confused bc you changed your url. They're a pretty chill system even though we don't interact much

@y-umiko - fell in love with their blog aesthetic <3 wish we interacted more. They like genshin and TR so it's a yes for me

@mansplain-manipulate-malewife - I don't know how this happened, but it did and I don't regret it. I feel like im falling through portals from rick and morty whenever I open their blog. It's a nice change of scenery. Hii Alex, hope you're doing well

@official-megumin - The best wizard in tumblr so powerful I had to follow. IDK WHAT CHECKMARKS MEAN AND WHY IS THERE MORE THAN ONE??? EXPLAIN??? She's cool, though I rarely see them when im active

@oddshroom - MY GURL, MY G, MY SHROOM- MUSHROOM? HAMVKTIRLOE. ANOTHER ONE PART OF MENACE SOCIETY. They're an awesome person, really sweet, amazing writer, we also speak in code 🦞 but you'll never know what we're saying. They gang fr doe 💅🏾✨

@dorothy-rainbird - WE DONT INTERACT ANYMORE *sobs* or have we ever? I see you in my notifs a lot though so you're part of the misfit gang. RESPECTT. Wish I seen you on my dash more tho :')

@vellichxrr6782 - HUGGING YOU HUGGING YOU HUGGING YOU. You're really sweet and I wish we talked more <33 I wish you the best my friend

@cross-crye - ANOTHER AMAZING WRITER HELLO??? They bouta put me on twst fr im this 🤏🏾close into falling down the simp rabbit hole. HELLO SETH I ALSO WISH U THE BEST

@omori-1 - daily reminder that I need to finish watching omori... I PROMISE I WILL AJUFKRI. VIRGO GANG. TALENTED CREATOR GANG. IF I COULD EAT THEIR BLOG I WOULD. Put it inna air fryer and drizzle some sauce on afterwards yum. Another one part of menace society. LOVE YA CHAI, YOU DESERVE THE WORLD AND THEN SOME

@xiao6ao - My love. My life. My will to write. MY LOVELY EDITOR. MWAH MWAH I LOVE YOU. She's my life support for real and also deserves the world and good fortune and just Nbhvgtdikmk This world shall know pain if anything happens to her. AMAZING WRITER YET ANOTHER ONE WHO DOESNT ADMIT IT. Grammarly 2.0. Always come in clutch. Menace society CEO. AHH I LOVE YOU PLEASE TAKE CARE

@atskas - MY FAM. TALENTED AUTHORS ALERT. TIMEZONES SUCK FR BUT I STILL LOVE THEM. Another one locked in, in the menace society, rip their sleep schedule. HI ARII ILY- HIARIILY... That actually looked like one word- GIRL I WISH YOU THE BEST MWAH

@lunartcmpest - it's always the aesthetic blogs that melts my heart. TALENT WRITER ALERT BEEP BEEP BEEP. GO CHECK OUT THEIR BLOG RN OR IM SNATCHING YOUR ANKLES. Wish we interacted more but it's all good. She's pretty cool tho. SHOUT OUTS TO YOU KAIRI, WISH YOU WELL

@alhara - AUTOCORRECT BE DAMNED. HELLO HARA. SHOUT OUT TO ANOTHER UNDERRATTED WRITER. Wish you the best

@albed0kreideprinz - They haven't been active in a min and I hope they're okay, but here's an amazing rp blog for all those interested. They're amazing and really sweet and I hope the world treats them well <3

@araranas - aka @primojade aka TALENETED WRITER aka AMAZING PERSON aka MNJNJENKI I LOVE YOU. TIMEZONES BE DAMNED

@ventisweetheart - IF ONLY I COULD HUG SOMEONE THRU THE INTERNET! You're so sweet and I'm glad we're moots and I always look forward to our interactions

@micheya - I dont know why and dont ask me, but if I could squish you like a gummy bear I would... IT MIGHT BE THE AETHER PFP IDK. We don't interact much but <333

@1eaf-me-alone - This year, I think you should turn a new 1eaf... g-get it BECAUSE MUYGITKR,ICRLT. Forgive me, I had to. PFF S,MUTFR THEY'RE REALLY COOL CHECK THEM OUT. HI HELLO HRU. I love our interactions please dont block me for my Cyno jokes, I'll 1eaf you alone if you- AUMSUFKRDE IM SORRY I CANT HELP IT!!

@scaranya - the fact that I had to basically type your full name out because scaranation is so big on tumblr... N E WAYS, RECENT MOOT HERE. Love to see your comments <3 Please stay safe and well!

@qingxin-dream - ENVIOUS OF YOUR WANDERER KEYCHAIN GRRR GRRR SUNYUFKRIKRCF. Another great writer here, please check them out!

@sweet-almonds - COMFORT WRITER BC ANGST BREAKS MY HEART. SHE'S AWESOME AND SWEET AND I ADORE YOUR BLOG

@enassbraid - Yall with these url changes. I HAVE BAD MEMORY OKAY! She's lovely okay and deserves the moon and back

@wanderersbell - WWEEEE WOOO WEEE WOOO TALENT WRITER ALERT, YES OFFICER? RIGHT THERE -> YOU'RE LITERALLY SO AMAZING AND FUN TO TALK WITH IM SO GLAD WE CROSSED PATHS EEEE PLEASE I FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR WRITING EVERYDAY I WISH U THE BEST

I KNOW IM MISSING A FEW AND IF I CAN I'LL ADD THEM LATER BUT MY HANDS ARE GETTING TIRED AND SORRY IF SOME OF THE THINGS IVE SAID WAS REPETTITIVE I TRIED MY BEST

@cynotical - RECENTLY BECAME MOOTS BUT IVE BEEN A FAN FOR AWHILE ✨✨✨ Another talented writer please check them out as well as their other blog!!! THEY'RE AWESOME AND SUCH A LOVELY PERSON TOO

@sonder-paradise - idk how but their writing manages to break me down and put me back together again every time like— UGHHH I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE. Talent writer alert x20. Should have 2 novels and an ongoing series already because wth

[naturally-recklessly]

What advice would you give to a new RPer? What does your URL mean?  How involved are you in your rp community?  What do you do when you get writer’s block? What has made you completely lose your chill? 

⨳ — MUNDAY

1. What advice would you give to a new RPer ?  My best advice would be to just have fun ! To truly experiment around your blog —write all sorts of plots that bring you joy, post little things about your muse(s) (be it edits, headcanons, playlists, etc...) or even customize a template that really fits your muse. Just never feel pressured to do things only because the majority of people are also doing them — what matters is if you enjoy them ! Otherwise, you might find yourself burned out pretty quickly. Speaking of which, whenever you feel like writing is more of a chore than something that brings you pleasure, by all means take a break — the rp partners that truly value you will understand. And last but not least, never be afraid to communicate and reach out ! As an introvert, I know this is better said than done, but trust me that for the most part, you'll only end up regretting the times you didn't. 😊

2. What does your URL mean?  Back when I started this blog in 2019, I only had two muses — Nana (an OC heavily inspired by Ai Yazawa's manga and its respective anime, which was and still is very dear to me), and Rupert (a canon muse from the movie "Sex Doll", who was so mysterious in his source material that I had to rely on headcanons to build his backstory 😆). So the url and blog's name was a direct reference to them & their personalities — Naturally Nana, Recklessly Rupert.

3. How involved are you in your rp community?  I'd say that at the moment I'm not too involved in the rp community — I only rp on this blog and keep a small circle with meaningful interactions (mostly because I've recently came back from a hiatus and I'm taking baby steps before venturing any further 😆). But speaking of meaningful interactions, I'm the kind of partner that gets super invested in our muses' little universes and absolutely loves to create edits/moodboards & playlists for them ! I also run a memes and resources blog for the rpc — Mimi's Memes — which has been somewhat inactive lately, but I do plan on starting to create things again. 😊

4. What do you do when you get writer’s block?  Most of the time, I just take a break and try to entertain myself with other activities. More often than not, inspiration will come, sparkled by a scene from a movie/series or some lyrics from a song. 😊 Speaking of which, I find it really helpful to write listening to some music ! I've got a few songs that I associate with the muses (mine and/or my partner's) or the scene I'm working on, and it really helps setting the mood and getting those replies flowing !

5. What has made you completely lose your chill?  I must say that in all these years, I've been lucky enough to avoid any unnecessary drama and toxicity, and therefore my experience has been mostly positive. So thankfully I don't really have anything to comment on this topic. 🙏

( Thank you so much for sending these, @niragixpsych ! I wish you a wonderful week ! 💖 )

[surplus-of-sarcasm]

About This Blog

Hey, this is the little gremlin again, and since most tumblr users have some sort of 'about' page, I decided to create one. And also because why not?

Note: This is my main blog. Likes, follows, asks and replies are from here. It is also my writing blog, where I post my own writing and sometimes reblog other writers' works.

My Masterlist

Natalia's Masterlist

Not interested in all the semantics and just looking for the writing? You can find all my writing in the link above, as well as my master tag list All the other info, like rules, squicks, my special tags and some background info can be found under the cut.

About the person behind this

You can call me Natalia.

My pronouns are she/her

I'm straight

I'm 18

I'm a college second year majoring in computer engineering

I'm not sarcastic at all, no no no. And my non-existent sarcasm doesn't catch people off-guard at all, no sir. Totally serious 100% of the time. Even my url says it.

I write stuff here, and the details r in the next heading

I'm an adult, but please dni if you're going to discuss inappropriate content

Wanna spam my notifications? Go ahead, I'm not stopping you. I actually encourage it, lol.

I like fandoms, caffeine, chemistry, math, reading and writing (*le gasp), and a whole lot of other stuff!

I'm not mean, I promise. Just a little, snarky teen haha.

I look nothing like my pfp.

I'm a villanous assassin!

I have undiagnosed high-functioning anxiety, may have ADHD and I experience obsessive thoughts. So please, no hate on ND ppl here.

I'm fine w/dms! (as long as they're not creepy)

My fanfiction sideblog is @so-hot-i-make-hell-jealous

My silly, non-writing sideblog is @yoursssstruly

My Writing Rules

I may be an anarchist, but I need some rules here.

Stuff I do write: hero x villain (supervillains, sidekicks and whatnot too), hurt/comfort, and I might post snippets of a story I'm working on and whump, fluff, maybe some crack, and romance!

Stuff I DON'T write: NSFW content of any kind, smut excessively dark whump (I get anxious with things that take it too far), incest, pedophilia, rape, emetophilia, and while I do write romance, suggestiveness is toned down and I don't write nsfw romance.

Do not ask me to write anything I said I don't write. It's pointless because I won't force myself to write it.

I don't write make-outs and kisses on the lips

You can totally use my writing for inspiration, as long as it's tagged as a prompt, you can use some lines, but just not the whole thing word for word, provided that it's tagged as a prompt. You can continue it, even if I've done a continuation.

If you use any of my prompts, please give credit and tag me! I'd loveee to see what you come up with!

Anything tagged as NOT A PROMPT is not for use.

I DON'T appreciate reposts, but I do love reblogs. Don't hesitate to use super long tags, analyse it or give lengthy commentary, I'm actually down for that stuff.

I don't mind my stuff being reposted on other social media as long as you give me credit. NO reposts on Tumblr, please.

Pairings are usually gn/gn. The other alternative is f/m

I typically write hero x villain, but I have other non-hero x villain stuff out there! Like fantasy, sci-fi and certain fragments of my wip (some of em are actually h x v!)

I don't really do xreader fics.

Ask Box

Don't be afraid to send me an ask!

Please don't ask for any of the stuff I told you I don't write

I may take some time to respond because I have a crap schedule

I might not answer asks if I don't feel very comfortable writing them. No hate, I just got on this app for my own fun, so I don't want to force myself to do smth I don't like, and it'll probably come out as a crappy piece of writing anyway

You can ask me about non-writing stuff too! I don't mind talking! Just please don't make the questions too. . .creepy.

Don't use the ask box to harass me. You'll probably regret getting on my nerves

Favourite Tropes

Where do I even start? I'm very indecisive.

Enemies to lovers

Alliance of convenience

Fake dating (turned not-so-fake)

Two whumpees caring for each other

Scary, unhinged hero x terrified villain (who's probably secretly in love w/them)

Flirty x flustered

Whumpee gets revenge on their og whumper, preferably through violent murder

Morally grey characters

Found family

Heavy angst w/a fluffy ending

Psychological manipulation

Cocky hero x flustered villain

Warnings

Because some of my content may be triggering to some people. I typically include trigger warnings above my posts in red, and I recently started putting them in the tags, too. Please note I don't condone any of the harmful stuff here IRL. I write FICTION, not meant to be used to judge me morally. ✨️Lmk if there's anything you want me to add here!

Violence

Blood

Bruises

Betrayal

Implied torture or past torture

Mental health issues

Manhandling

Drowning

Abusive relationships

Yandere whump

Bone Fractures

Failed escape

Miserable (I write sad stuff sometimes)

Threats

Fear

Description of torture aftermath

Occasionally, torture

Lying

Burns

Restraints

Usage and mentions of weapons (guns, knives, etc)

References to a difficult past

Vomiting

Starvation

Scars

Self-harm

Obsessive thoughts

Fear of heartbreak

Criminal activity

Death

Somewhat graphic descriptions (they aren't too horrible, but they may make some people uncomfortable

Non-con touch (not sexual)

Drugging

Poison

Kidnapping

Hostage situation

Exhaustion

Stress positions

War/war aftermath

Captivity

Fever

Delusions

Hyperthermia

Very flirty (Listen, I generally write pretty light stuff, but they can be seen as juuuust a little bit spicy, and different people interpret things differently, and I won't judge people for seeing things a certain way, but in case it makes you uncomfortable. . .)

Adding on to the last point, this kind of fic will contain touching (not sexual), kisses (not on the lips), and pretty flirty remarks (nothing sexual)

Smoking

Alcohol/use of alcohol

Squicks

I write violence n all, but I have limits. I will NOT write anything mentioned here and will refuse any requests with these.

Eye, mouth and ear whump

Extreme gore

Whipping

Branding

Vore

Amputation (unless it's a fantasy monster that has to die OR it's environmental whump. Someone doing it however, nope)

Muzzles (I'm fine with gags, though)

Collars

Sadomasochism (some of my characters are sadistic, but non-sexually. Also, no masochistic characters)

NSFWhump in general, (whether extreme gore, sexual assault or sadomasochism)

Animal abuse

Anything I don't write in the Rules above

My Tags

Aside from the usual tags on writing, I like to add my touch to a few of them. You may see:

#nat writes

#a little gremlin's writing

#natalia's writing

And for asks

#the little gremlin answers

When it isn't about writing

#not writing and/or #natalia.txt

When I like it, but it isn't mine

#not my writing

When you can read, but you shouldn't USE

#NOT A PROMPT

Timezones n next days (yes, they're self-reblogs)

#timezone reblog

#next day reblog

To clarify

#hero x villain -> just means it has a hero and a villain. can be platonic, familial, just enemies or romantic (this applies to any A x B)

While. . .

#hero/villain -> means the pairing is romantic. (applies to anything with a slash)

I know other ppl use them differently, but that's how I do it. I typically tag with genre to help, like #romance or #friendship

And the most important rule of all

HAVE FUN!

Xoxo,

The villainous assassin

❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

[honeybeefae]

Askbox Wednesday!

This might not get as much attention which is fine but this askbox Wednesday I decided to post questions about myself!! Ask away and I’ll answer any question you have! 💋

GET IN MY BUSINESS PLEASE:

The meaning behind my url:

A picture of me:

How many tattoos i have and what they are:

Last time i cried and why:

Piercings i have:

Favorite band:

Biggest turn offs:

Top 5 (insert subject):

Tattoos i want:

Biggest turn ons:

Age:

Ideas of a perfect date:

Life goal:

Piercings i want:

Relationship status:

Favorite movie:

A fact about my life:

Phobia:

Middle name:

Height:

Are you a virgin?

What’s your shoe size?

What’s your sexual orientation?

Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs?

Someone you miss:

What’s one thing you regret?

First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive:

Favorite ice cream?

One insecurity:

What my last text message says:

Have you ever taken a picture naked?

Have you ever painted your room?

Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?

Have you ever slept naked?

Have you ever danced in front of your mirror?

Have you ever had a crush?

Have you ever been dumped?

Have you ever stole money from a friend?

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?

Have you ever been in a fist fight?

Have you ever snuck out of your house?

Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

Have you ever been arrested?

Have you ever made out with a stranger?

Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?

Have you ever left your house without telling your parents?

Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor?

Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun?

Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex?

Have you ever seen someone die?

Have you ever been on a plane?

Have you ever kissed a picture?

Have you ever slept in until 3?

Have you ever loved someone or miss someone right now?

Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?

Have you ever made a snow angel?

Have you ever played dress up?

Have you ever cheated while playing a game?

Have you ever been lonely?

Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school?

Have you ever been to a club?

Have you ever felt an earthquake?

Have you ever touched a snake?

Have you ever ran a red light?

Have you ever been suspended from school?

Have you ever had detention?

Have you ever been in a car accident?

Have you ever hated the way you look?

Have you ever witnessed a crime?

Have you ever pole danced?

Have you ever been lost?

Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country?

Have you ever felt like dying?

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?

Have you ever sang karaoke?

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?

Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?

Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger?

Have you ever kissed in the rain?

Have you ever sang in the shower?

Have you ever made out in a park?

Have you ever dream that you married someone?

Have you ever glued your hand to something?

Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?

Have you ever gone to school partially naked?

Have you ever been a cheerleader?

Have you ever sat on a roof top?

Have you ever brushed your teeth?

Have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?

Have you ever played chicken?

Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?

Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger?

Have you ever broken a bone?

Have you ever been easily amused?

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone?

Have you ever cheated on a test?

Have you ever forgotten someone’s name?

Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?

Give us one thing about you that no one knows.

[smalltowncryptidfucker]

This pinned post is long overdue at this point, but hey, better late than never, right?

🍄HELLO IT IS I!!! THE SMALL TOWN CRYPTID… guy… sometimes I regret my url choice LMAO🍄

Just a brief explanation of this blog:

This is my main!! I have… three side blogs… and counting… 💀💀 Two of which I hardly use, but they’re still there LMAO. Here they are in case you want to take a look:

💖 @smalltownotomeenjoyer - This is my blog where I shamelessly post about otome games. I post there more frequently than this blog tbh… what does that even say about me?

💗 @smalltownhostclub - This is the one I started for OHSHC, but decided to include Black Butler, mostly because I felt like it.

❤️ @ultimatesmalltownnerd - This is the newest one. I post about Danganronpa here, because I’m cringe trash- but I’m free.

Okay, self-intro time:

🍄‍🟫Pronouns: She/he/they. Gender?? I HARDLY KNOW HER!! (No but seriously, gender is a rule I intend to not follow by any means. It’s totally chill if anyone else has a gender they like, but I don’t, so… I’m just going by the beat of my drum lmao.)

🍄‍🟫The most bisexual individual you might ever meet. This applies to every gender identity, and no I don’t care that Bi technically means two. You can fight me on that.

🍄‍🟫I’m over twenty. No, I don’t trust the internet enough to give an exact age.

🍄‍🟫You can either call me by my url, any combo of my url, or Flynn. Flynn is a name I’m trying out rn, so that might change.

FANDOM TIME!! (These will be the fandoms I post about here, specifically. There are a lot, and I can’t guarantee I will consistently post about any of them.):

✨Gravity Falls

✨Homestuck

✨Fullmetal Alchemist

✨Bungo Stray Dogs

✨Stardew Valley

✨Avatar the Last Airbender

(Might add more as needed.)

Things you should know:

🪴Originally, this was going to be a T+ blog, but I’m gonna up the rating to M. Not because I intend to post NSFW stuff, but because I want to be safe rather than sorry. Enter this blog with that in mind.

🪴I block people- a lot. It’s not personal, but some people post content I don’t like. I only report bots, so if you’re a bot, you’re getting the block/report double whammy.

🪴I believe cringe culture is stupid, and am trying really hard to embody that as much as possible. I’m gonna post about whatever fandoms I want, and that’s final. You guys should try it, it’s so fun.

🪴If you want to block me, go for it! I mean that positively, if my content isn’t your cup of tea, I don’t mind. I realize my stuff isn’t for everyone. I’m mostly here for my own entertainment, and if people like what I post along the way, all the better!

🪴I use a lot of different, typically gendered terms of endearment (ex: man, gurl/girl, dude, girlfriend, etc), and I use them on everybody, regardless of whether they actually fit the gender the terms are meant to convey. HOWEVER!!! If you don’t feel comfortable with me using specific terms, jokingly or otherwise, let me know!!! I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, even if my intentions are good. I might slip up occasionally, but I’ll do my best.

🪴I’d love to hear from you guys!! If you wanna DM me, send in an ask or whatever, I’m totally chill with that! Keep in mind though, that 1) once again, I am in my early twenties, so keep that in mind if you wish to interact with me. I will do my due diligence to keep things appropriate on my end, so long as you do so yourself. And 2) I have… bad social anxiety, and poor time management, so if I don’t respond to a DM or ask right away, I promise I’m not trying to be rude, I’m just struggling to be a functional human being right now, lmao.

That should be it. If any edits to this post happen, they will be listed below. ENJOY MY CHAOS!!!

(Posted 7/30/24)

(Edit 8/2/24: added a fifth thing to the “things you should know” section.)

(Edit 8/10/24: added a sixth thing to the “things you should know” section.)

[braveryhearted]

&&.   WHAT  SPECIFICALLY  NAMED  COLOR  DO  YOU  EMBODY  ?

Solferino

Hesitant, confidence, Athena's temple in Greece, empathy, relief. you feel, and you feel, and you feel. your heart might just beat out of your chest with how much you feel, and yet you hold onto nothing, as you live by the motto of "if you love something, let it go". you are someone who believes that good things come to those who wait - but in the same measure, you also believe in some level of karma. no one can outrun their just desserts, and everyone has done something they regret at some point in their lives. you're not different from the rest of the world, you just take it in stride. you love the world, in spite of its cruel indifference to itself. you love, and you love, and you love. you'll bleed to death from the ache of it.

Tagged: @amorbloom Tagging: Those that have the letter 'A' in their url. And anyone else who wants to do this. Say that I tagged you.

[brainlessrot]

AU in which yuu has a tumblr acc and idia knows what it is

idia would definetly be one of those people that when they do an anon ask they sign off with an emoji

he would talk to yuu without the worry of what would yuu thinks bc!! yuu doesnt know that he is "-💀" anon!!!

he absolubtely exploits that and just sends a thousand of asks everyday without SHAME

but hes EXTREMELY bad at hiding himself

(first time after you responded to him)

"Anon : OH MY SEVEN YOU NOTICED ME, im rlly panicking rn bc ure?? SO COOL?? and you just responded to my ask aaaaa alsjosjs - 💀"

the first ask in question:

"anon asked : hey hey yuu have you watched (insert here an anime with a long ass name) yet?? its a really good anime and i rlly recomend it to u if u haven't seen it- 💀"

kantokusei-yuu responded : aaa i just saw the first couple of episodes and youre so right!!! my fave character is (generical anime girl name) what abt yours 💀 anon??

thats the same character he loves (and feels represented by) and dies inside a little bit

(you post a picture of grim and you)

"Anon : HI I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT URE LIKE, RLLY PRETTY, also, please pet Grim-shi for me!!!! i would DIE if you did -💀"

Kantokusei-yuu responded : awww thank you so much 💀 anon!!! ... wait how do you know Grim’s name

After that slip up he makes it know that he (kinda) knows you irl

he might even try to flirt with you when hes feeling confident

"anon : you go to NRC, right?? i do too! i believe i saw you a couple of times on the halls, but i ran away bc i got so flustered, but thats such a coincidente, almost like were soulmates or smthin!! hahahahha - 💀"

but he will regret it inmediatly

"anon : oh seven please ignore and even delete that last ask, i think my little brother logged onto my acc im so so sorry - 💀"

HE WOULD FORGET TO PUT ANON ONCE AND THAT WOULD BE SO EMBARRASING (also his name being one that a middle schooler would probably put fits so well dont tell me it doesn't)

"shrouded-misery asked : i just saw you on the halls, i really loved the pin you had on ur backpack!!! was it from (insert here another long ass generic name of a game)??? if so thats a banger and your taste is great - 💀"

when you click on his url his whole blog is anime/cat themed, probably even anime-cat themed

his pfp is a random anime character, the only posts he makes are pictures of cats and reblogs of his fav animes and idols, and when you see his name-- The Great Idia-- everything clicks

you go to ortho and ask him to bring you to his brother

he does so, extremely confused

when you finally capture-- i mean, get to him, hes also really confused... until you show him your inbox, with his not-anon ask there

he dies

like, legit dies

hair's bright pink, hes laying fetal position on the floor type of dead

after he comes back from the world of the dead hes apologizing and saying that if youre uncomfortable with him that he wont go to your blog ever again

and after you tell him that you dont mind and that you had wanted to be his friend for a while he dies again

now 💀 anon is both your irl and online friend!!

however he wont stop with 💀 anon asks if you let him

he just feels more comfortable that way!

[calamitydaze]

what you said about tumblr being an echo chamber is real. “dtblr” was a group (or several groups) of friends, and when one or two decides to leave and change urls and layouts and declare dream an awful person, they all do it. they don’t like to think about the fact that just because their behaviour, in their minds, is “correct”, doesnt make it any less hive mind behaviour. imo, the most “correct” stance anyone can take in this situation is to be calm, rational, and survey the evidence. knee jerk reactions are to be expected, but people should not have acted on them.

and if it turns out this whole thing was blown out of proportion and dream is innocent? it wont matter, they publicly decided he was a weirdo freak and they’re going to have to stick by that statement in any way they can. they’ll continue to say “him messaging a fan makes him a creep idc about anything else” fine, whatever, people can think that. but ccs message fans all the time Lol so i mean. yeah idk these people made their beds and they can lie in them

i’m gonna steal what i said on priv again but— i LOVE dtblr and valued being in it so much, and no matter what i think i always will. but… yeah, it was insanely cliquey, and i think ex-members arguing that it wasn’t is a little obtuse. and i’ll admit, once i was pretty well-established i Liked that it was hard to find and harder to get into! it made everything feel special and more close-knit than other subblrs. but you can have that feeling and still acknowledge that it was a clique heavily influenced by a couple big blogs. and once the news broke, and the blogs that were viewed as the spokespeople of the fandom started jumping ship and giving very concrete inflammatory statements as they left, it was absolutely a ripple effect of opinion. and because dtblr was so heavily built on friendship (that sounds corny but you know what i mean), even people who didn’t necessarily share that opinion started drifting because if you’re the only one still here, what’s the point? it was a bunch of dominos and while they might have fallen either way, it certainly wasn’t helped by most of the chain being a circle

although it’s worth noting that i have seen a lot of ex-members say the reason they left wasn’t the accusations themselves, but more so that their reaction made them realize how parasocial and “in too deep” they had gotten. and i think that’s totally fair! it’s certainly been a wake up call for a lot of people (hopefully dream too) and in the end that’s a good thing. i’m inclined to disagree a bit with your last point, though— i think if it ends up that he’s innocent, quite a few people will walk it back and end up rejoining the fandom in some capacity, though maybe not as intensely. i’ve seen it happen time and time again with dream incidents: most people end up regretting their kneejerk reactions, and i think they should be given grace to decide they were wrong

[ddarker-dreams]

saw the ask game and couldn't resist the curiosity to ask one of my favourite writers. i'd like to request edelweiss and ivy, if it hasn't been asked already!

PSYCHEE please you are a writer i admire a lot so reading this made me go !!!???!??!? THANK YOU 💖

[ask game]

edelweiss ⇢ how’d you think of your url/username? what’s it associated with to you?

i figured that a majority of the stuff i was going to write here would be different from what i used to do (i wrote purely fluff from when i was like 11-16), so that's how the word darker came to be. dreams used to be scary to me since i pretty much always had nightmares/or they'd turn into nightmares, so i thought that felt fitting too. it was through falling in love with horror that i stopped being bothered by nightmares. can't find the demon in my dream scary if i wanna give them a smooch...

ivy ⇢ what are your ‘tells’ for your emotions and moods? how can someone tell you’re happy, annoyed, upset or tired?

god i am honestly so easy to read that it probably doesn't take much HTJKMEGEK you can probably tell from how much i do/don't talk? i talk a lot when i'm happy and go :| when i'm in a bad mood. i just feel like i might accidentally say something i regret since i'm not in the ideal frame of mind and decide not to risk it. if i'm annoyed i isolate myself until it wears off if possible. into the angry cube.

[ravio-the-cabinet-man]

Welcome to my blog!

New Cohost Blog can be found Here! (same url. ravio-the-cabinet-man)

Art blog can be found Here! (@cabinet-man-colors)

Gaming blog can be found Here! (@ravioip)

OC and writing blog can be found Here! (@ravio-rants)

Pronouns can be found Here!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi there! I'm Ravio/Ray Solaire! I'm an artist, my favorite colors are purple, indigo, and magenta, I'm queer, and I love Legend of Zelda. I've more recently discovered a love for Rain World, Fullmetal Alchemist, Ace Attorney, Sonic The Hedgehog, and Spider-man (specifically insomniac games and spiderverse, but im branching out).

I'm here because my siblings spent over a year harassing me into joining tumblr lol.

Feel free to send me an ask or say hi, anon is on.

Have a good day/night!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some tags you might want to look at:

"#ravio rants" my talk tag

"#ravio replies" I reply to asks

"#ravio reviews (Novelty Gummies)" i review novelty gummies because my family finds it funny to watch me suffer

"#ravio reacts (terraria)" I play terraria

"#ravio reacts (botw)" I play botw

"#ravio reacts (rain world)" i play rain world

"#ravio regrets" I do something stupid or silly and regret it

"#ravio rots" I post about my health issues

"#zinni babe" kitty posts 💜💜

"#cabinet man colors" drawings I reblogged from my art blog

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[alligaytorrr-official]

20, 21, 33, 36, 40

20. do you say soda or pop?

soda. my metamour says pop cause she's from the midwest and it freaks me out. it's unnatural

21. something you’ve kept since childhood?

a lot of things honestly!! my cousin has a 5 year old who is here often and she's usually playing with my old toys because i took very good care of them. as far as things that are more mine, since those are basically hers now, i think the oldest thing i have might be my blue and magenta plushies from blue's clues

33. the last adventure you’ve been on?

i went to atlanta to see my chemical romance in september!! my best friend/ex got surprised with a ticket for them and a friend from their roommates and they invited me to come up for the weekend. also got to swim in a lake for the first time while i was there, i've only swam in the ocean and pools prior

36. how many times have you changed your url?

i'm pretty sure my first one on tumblr was noirnoctowl, and when i moved away from that branding i was a-passenger-person for a while (which i regret to say, is from a twenty one pilots lyric) until i settled on alligaytorrr. so that'd be twice i changed it then, unless i've forgotten some which i certainly could've

40. did you have any snacks today?

had a payday earlier! it's my favorite candy bar i fuckin love peanuts

[narisjournal-blog]

These Nights

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: Chuck x Reader

Fluff

Words: 1685

Notes: This was a request from honestly years ago and I’m such an asshole for only just posting this - I’m so so sorry. I haven’t included the name or request as it was quite personal. You know who you are :) This is of course a soft, fluffy, loving Chuck from before The Twist in Supernatural. 

Thanks for reading!

***

Warm water cascaded over your hair and your shoulders, soaking you in a chaotic, relentless stream. 

You had long finished your shower but still you stood unmoving in its grasp.

It was cold out there and dark. You held onto the reprieve a little longer.

You gave a heavy sigh.

‘I wish you would show your face,’ you said. ‘I wish... I need...’ 

you sighed again, shaking your head. 

Standing up, you turned off the shower and stepped out. 

You grabbed a towel and quickly wrapped it round you, shivering. 

Once in your pyjamas you sat heavily on your bed and towelled at your hair. You gave up quickly and curled up on your bed, letting the tears flow. All you could see behind tightly closed lids was his face. Those big blue eyes, both gentle and stern at the same time. Chuck- the god you never knew you needed. 

What would he think of you now? You so desperately wanted to see him, but not like this. He would be so disappointed, you thought. 

‘I wish I could be what you want me to be,’ you choked out. 

You always intended to pray before bed; to check in, pay respects and show you were thankful. Like in the movies, knelt by your bed, peaceful and worthy. 

But it never worked out like that. The more you thought about what you wanted to say, the more overwhelmed you became and realised he would never have the time to sit and listen to all of that. 

You began to shiver, partly from your damp hair but mostly from the despair that was taking hold of you.

You felt the mattress dip and you gasped. Then you felt a warm hand on your back and his calm took over you.

You looked up into big blue eyes, full of concern. 

‘Do you really believe that?’ Said Chuck softly. ‘That I don’t have time for you?’

‘It’s not... I mean... I’m just a giant waste of your time. I’m sorry,’ you cringed. 

‘Please,’ He said. ‘Don’t ever apologise for existing.’ Chuck gave your arm a squeeze. ‘And no, you’re not.’

You wiped your eyes and sat up.

‘You have far more important things and I’ve dragged you here.’

‘With all due respect, y/n, you don’t get to tell me how to spend my time.’

You couldn’t look in his eyes long. They broke you. There was so much love that you just couldn’t handle. 

Your shame made you wish you were alone again. 

‘But you don’t really want me to leave, do you?’ He stated softly. 

You continued looking down at the bed.

After an abnormally long silence you gave the smallest shake of your head and sighed. 

‘Is there anything you want to talk about?’ He said, hand resting on your back just below your damp hair.

You shrugged and stuttered. ‘I ... there’s...’ 

So much, you thought. But I can’t even begin to wrap my brain around it. 

You knew he could hear you.

You know what, sometimes I’m just so tired of trying to figure this all out or having to figure out what I mean or where I belong. Sometimes I need you to just tell me! Sometimes I need...

‘Sometimes words are hard. I understand.’

You held your forehead in your hands, as if in some desperate attempt to hide your face. The man was infuriating. You wanted to scream at him, but all you could do was huff out a breath. He could feel you shaking by now. 

‘But you know sometimes the best way to figure things out and understand your needs is to talk. Even if it seems stupid or redundant to you in this moment.’

‘You’re God,’ you almost whispered. ‘You know everything. It is redundant.’

This is why you were better alone. You drew your knees up to your chest and buried your face in your arms.

‘Look you can just go,’ you mumbled. ‘I’m sorry.’ 

He obviously knew what you were going through but was choosing not to help and you felt embarrassed you had even thought about bringing him here. 

After a long silence you realised his hand had not moved from your back. 

‘I’m not going anywhere.’ 

You lifted your head and chanced a glance sideways at him. Your gaze was met by the brightest blue and a rush of warmth and love flooded you again. You looked away.

‘Ok, here’s a deal. You tell me about one thing that’s on your mind and then no more talking, I promise. Deal?’

You sighed heavily. You spoke as the words formed in your mind, slowly and broken up.

‘I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I feel like...’ you swallowed the lump In Your throat but it didn’t stop your voice from cracking.

‘I feel like I’m not ... not good enough at anything... like I just...’ your voice dropped to a whisper. ‘Take up space.’ 

Chuck rested his head against yours and pulled you into him closer with a sigh. 

He kissed the top of your head and pulled back, brushing hair from your face. His eyes connected with yours and you felt a weight lift of your chest before he had even spoken.

‘Y/N, you matter so much to me. I created you and I have no regrets. I am proud of you every single day because of how strong you are.’

You looked away. ‘I’m not.’

‘Don’t argue with me,’ he said, his voice firm and authoritative now.

Your head whipped back up, surprised by his tone.

Piercing blue charged right through to your soul when he looked into your eyes now.

‘You are strong,’ he affirmed. ‘Strong doesn’t feel easy. You’re stronger than you know.’

Tears began to spill once more, but this time it felt like freedom. For that moment as he held you, you felt truly safe. Loved.

He continued. ‘It might not be clear now. You feel a little lost, I can see that. Trust me. I’ve got you, and you have so much purpose.’

Your shoulders shook as you cried, and he squeezed you once more. Without speaking, he helped you dry your hair, holding you when you shivered.

‘Can you make it warmer?’ you whispered, teeth chattering. He chuckled, pulling the bedcovers back and helping you into bed.

You lay down, curled up on your side and felt Chuck’s warmth move through you as he lay next to you.

You didn’t need to say anything else. You just lay there, allowing yourself to feel safe and relaxing fully for the first time in maybe years. Chuck stroked your hair and said softly, ‘You haven’t been sleeping too good.’

His hand rested on your forehead and you felt a peace radiate from his palm.

‘Goodnight,’ he whispered as you felt your eyelids close and the calm of sleep envelope you.

**

It was already light when you woke, which hadn’t happened for a very long time. Your cheeks flushed with warmth and you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes. Your mind slowly uncoiled itself and you rolled onto your back to find the bedsheets beside you cold. He was gone. Of course he was gone.

Had he really meant all those things, or was he just trying to get some peace away from your spiralling thoughts?

You breathed in deeply, trying not to let your mind poison the calm you had felt with him and – was that cinnamon you smelled? You sat up. It was definitely cinnamon. Sweet cinnamon, and you could hear music. No, singing. You could hear singing.

Pulling a hoodie on, you stood up and made your way downstairs towards the sound.

And there in your kitchen, pulling something out of the oven and humming to himself, was Chuck.

He turned as you entered and beamed. ‘Right on time,’ he said.

‘Did you make cinnamon buns?’

‘I know how much you love them, but never have the energy to make them.’ He placed the tray down on the heat proof mat on the side. Mixing bowls lay strewn clumsily about the sink. Of all the thoughts you could have had in that moment, you honestly wondered if God was going to wash the dishes.

‘You’ve made a mess,’ you added, nodding in that direction.

Chuck raised an eyebrow and folded his arms across his chest.

‘I mean… Thank you,’ you garbled. ‘I- thank you. I love them.’ You surveyed the kitchen once again.

‘But couldn’t you just, you know…’ you pointed your finger, indicating using his powers.

‘Ah, that’s no fun,’ he shrugged.

Chuck leaned across to the cafetiere you had forgotten you had and pushed the top down.

‘I thought you’d have gone. I was expecting you to be gone when I woke up.’

Chuck smiled again. ‘I’m never really gone, you know,’ he said. He poured coffee into a mug and handed it to you, the heat sharp against your palm. ‘I’m always here. Next time you taste coffee, remember this moment.’

You sipped the strong liquid and savoured the taste.

‘Next time you lie in bed feeling alone, remember me there next to you.’

‘Next time I wash the dishes, I’ll remember when you used my kitchen,’ you said with a smirk.

‘Next time you taste a cinnamon bun’- you cut him off.

‘I get the idea, Chuck. So are those ready to eat, or what?’

He chuckled as he divided them onto plates and guided you over to the kitchen table.

And for the first time in forever, the day ahead was filled with hope and the promise that you were not doing this alone.

***

Tags:

(I hope I’ve got my list right, I may have missed a few changes people have requested - if I have I’m sorry. My list is a clusterfuck tbh.)

Everything list:

@afanofmanystuffs

@trashforwinchesters

@yourewelcomeforbeingmyfriend

@natasha-cole

@greenappleeyes

@bisexualdolphinthings

@i-dont-understand-that-url

@misszombicorn

@lucerospn1detc

@robjackface

Rob/chuck list:

@tas898

@destielschild

@girl-next-door-writes

@winchestergirl-13

@a-banana-for-your-thoughts

@jelly-beans-and-gstrings

@kocswain

@gettingbywithalittlehelp96

@itsfunnierin-enochian

@rblstrash

@megthemewlingquim

@holamishamigos

[bogkeep]

theo’s tarot collection

hi hello i suffer from a terrible ailment called I Keep Acquiring New Tarot Decks Even Though I Am A Tarot Newbie.... so i figured i could do a little writeup about my decks if anyone is interested in that :’) basically i started doing tarot in 2019 because i couldn’t get a hold of a therapist (i was put on a year long waitlist WAHOO) so i basically. self-medicated with tarot readings hahaha. i had a friend who gave me a lot of really good advice and had done some readings for me before who felt immensely comforting. the way i read them is like... it allows you to confront your situation and your emotions through a new angle, but you gotta be brave enough to do it - or ask someone to do it for you. it can be a really intense but also cathartic experience. it’s not for everyone! but i like it. i still consider myself a novice and still learning so i am not in ANY way trying to paint myself as a Knowledgabl Tarot Witch - in a perfect timeline that’s who i wish i was, but i’m ultimately just some guy with a solid appreciation for art and personal growth.

ANYWAY... onto my DECKS (the tumblr post will probably squish the quality outta my photos so i’m gonna link the URLs for Full View)

Children of Litha by Alexandria Huntington

i consider this my main and first deck (i am NOT counting the official homestuck deck i bought as a teen just because i wanted to look at the art. no offense to the homestuck deck i’m just not gonna use fandom decks)! i picked it out but my Tarot Friend gifted it to me... i think it’s a very good starter deck for me personally, and it’s the deck i’ve bonded with and used the most. i even put a fancy sticker on the box as part of the bonding process. i always feel so bad for all of my other decks because i haven’t been able to dedicate as much time for them as i have this one... so it’s definitely the deck i go to for the most accurate readings for myself. Vibes and Thematic Coherence: the art in this is so beautiful and elegant. the symbolism more or less draws on the classic smith-waite deck, but redrawn for its theme. i like that it has a very consistent imagery! out of the major arcana, the fool is the only fully human character - every other character is part animal in some way or other. then the suit of swords depicts birds, winged insects and the air element, coins depict ungulates and equines and earth, wands has felines and canines and fiery imagery, and cups has fish and creatures of and in the sea. the court cards have humans. the suit symbols are always depicted consistently, as white silhouettes. there are also two extra cards: the all and the void. Pamphlet: the reason i think this was a good starter deck is because both because the art feels very intuitive about what it depicts (to me, at least), the descriptions in the pamphlet describe what is happening and why the artist chose this motif for this card. it has honestly helped me remember the meanings a lot, because i’ll be reading the other decks and be like “oh that’s the octopus card i know what the octopus card is about”. there are also little poems next to the main descriptions that work as a pretty solid tl;dr for the core meanings. i also like that the court cards are referred to in the sense of like... a knight is “a young person with masculine energy” rather than “a young man”. it feels more fluid and vibe-y about gender than traditional decks ya feel. on a range from Abstract to Directness this one feels like it sits pretty comfortable in the middle, maybe leaning on Abstractness. it has always given me gentle instructions and advice.

Cardfeel: the cards are very smooth and nice with gold edges. the cards are not NOT solid, but i wish they had been a little thicker because i’m always afraid i’m going to accidentally damage them - but that’s probably a feeling i have about most of my possessions tbh!! i think they’re a good size, too, at least for my small hands. they’re more on the long/slender side so they are good for me to shuffle. i also like the box, it’s a hard flip box with a magnet. i think u can’t go wrong with that. this is the deck i’ve travelled with the most (did u know hotel beds are the best tarot reading spaces. for some reason they just Work). The Spacious Tarot by Annie Ruygt and Carrie Mallon

this is one i really like a lot and want to use more! i absolutely adore the concept of it, but it’s a little harder for me to read than the Litha one. Vibes and Thematic Coherence: this one is like!!! it’s about the open space and the quietness. the vibes are IMMACULATE. the cards aren’t filled to the brim with happenstance and symbolism, but they each feel like a little refuge. very meditative. i also like that the court cards are not gendered at all - there is no page, knight, queen and king, but rather child, explorer, guardian and elder. i am really into that, especially as steps of mastery of their suit. i do think that this deck is probably easier to read if you’re more experienced with tarot meanings and symbolisms, because the illustrations aren’t necessarily that intuitive. Pamphlet: i haven’t read through this one very much, but i think it’s more on the abstract side of the Abstract to Direct scale. it might just feel like that because it describes what the card symbolizes without drawing much on what the card depicts - it is generally a pretty abstract and meditative deck. i like it for what it is! but it’s harder for me to read than my main Litha deck. Cardfeel: there’s something about the cardfeel i wish was different. they’re perfectly ok cards, they’re smooth and not too thin, but i still wish they had had more heft or something. while the cards fit very well into my hands i think maybe they could’ve been Larger to emphasize their motifs of openness and space. or texture. or gilded edges. i really don’t know what i want. the box however is very good and easy to open and use!! never underestimate a good box.

Tarot of the Divine by Yoshi Toshitani

this is a deck i Had To Get because i knew the artist was working on it and i was always Planning To... it is not a deck i use very often but i absolutey adore it. you can also get it with an accompanying fairytale book, i thought i had ordered that but i was Wronge. Vibes and Thematic Coherency: it depicts motifs and characters from stories, myths, and fairytales from a vast variety of cultures. it’s AMAZING. the art is so clean and crisp and i was VERY EXCITED to find a card drawing on a sami story (page of coins)! i don’t have a lot to say except that yoshi yoshitani has done some incredible work on this. Pamphlet: while i do not have the Fairytale Book edition, the pamphlet is really super nice because it shows pictures of the cards, lists what story it depicts and where the story is from, gives a short description for how this scene or character embodies the card. it then lists some of the Card Characteristics beneath. very simple but very nice. i really like pamphlets that explain Why the artist picked the motifs they did - for me personally it really helps me connect to the deck and their symbols. it’s probably more on the Direct side of the scale thanks to this. Cardfeel: these are textured!! they feel like the playing card deck my grandmother has, which feels apt to me. textures make the cards feel solid to me. they’re also a very nice size to hold. the edges are not guilded, but with the white frames it looks good and nice. the box is nice but also Large, possibly to fit with the book? might not be ideal for travel, but there’s nothing stopping you from getting a different box or pouch.

The Star Spinner Tarot by Trung Le Nguyen

my most recent deck... i KNEW about the artist and the deck from before, but wasn’t PLANNING to get it, but then i saw it in the comic book store and i wasn’t able to pass it by. no regrets, it’s a wonderful deck. Vibes and Thematic Coherence: absolutely lovely art and style. it’s another deck drawing on fairytale themed motifs. i’m loving the use of colors and circles. it also has four different cards for the Lovers so you can choose which one(s) speak to you the most, something i think is just wonderful. i think the only thing i found a little... odd? was that the suit of Wands looks kinda same-y, which isn’t a bad thing, but it was the only suit that looked that way to me. they’re still very very nice. ALSO THE BACK OF THE CARDS ARE SHINY. I JUST THINK THAT’S VERY LOVELY. as a Physical Product these are chef’s kiss. Pamphlet: on the Abstract to Directness scale, these are VERY DIRECT. the pamphlet doesn’t say a lot about why the cards depict what they do, but go straight into card meaning, and in a very unambiguous way. i think it can both work very well, leaving you little room to avoid your feelings, but it also has a higher margin to miss completely. for being such a cutesy deck full of fairies the pamphlet is definitely giving you a smack at the side of your head. i haven’t used this deck a lot yet due to its newness, but i definitely want to try it out more to see what it does to me.

Cardfeel: out of all of my decks i think this has the best cardfeel... the cards feel really solid, and have a very good size that feel just right for them. like i sort of fell in love with the deck when i actually started shuffling it and browsing the cards. buying cards - especially on the internet - can be a gamble because you Can’t Know The Cardfeel. with decks like the Spacious Tarot i got a little dissappointed, but this one was a very pleasant surprise. also the box is very good and look like a work of art. The Fyodor Pavlov Tarot

honestly one of my new favourite decks that i ABSOLUTELY am going to use more and become more familiar with. also a deck that i knew the artist was working on, and supported the kickstarter the moment it was announced. my deck also came with two Magician cards and i don’t know why. extra wizard for me??? Vibes and Thematic Coherence: the look and feel of this deck is Immaculate. it looks very classical and traditional (and absolutely gorgeous), it is grounded in the classical smith-waite imagery but Expands Upon It, draws on the diversity of human culture and experiences... also loving the energy of “THIS CARD IS TRANS NOW AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT” many cards have (most famously the Lovers, but i don’t want to post pics of any of the cards depicting nudity or risqué themes on tumblr). i absolutely adore the knight of coins card (THE HORSE IS HIS FRIEND AND SERVICE ANIMAL!!). it’s just Really Very Good. also the backside has pretty Shiny stars and i like it. Pamphlet: i really like this one. it is a deeply personal pamphlet, where fyodor pavlov directly discusses his relationship to the cards and why he chose the motifs he did. it feels really grounded in the world we live in, and also such a vulnerable thing to share with us all. it’s on the Direct side of the scale without necessarily telling you “the card is definitely this one thing”. my only wish is that it was easier to navigate at a glance. Cardfeel: THEY ARE TEXTURED!!! these cards are definitely long and slender and benefit someone with larger hands than mine, but i still like them a lot. i do wish they had been a smidge heavier just so i wouldn’t worry so much about damaging them... but i don’t want to be ungrateful. the deck and the box are wonderfully crafted. The Botanica Tarot by Kevin Jay Stanton

oh boy did i support the kickstarter for this one... i had actually bought the major arcana when it was the only version available, and then the artist decided to make a full deck. it’s an absolute work of art. Vibes and Thematic Coherence: oh boy oh boy does it serve vibes and thematic coherence. it’s Plants all the way down, OBVIOUSLY, but also like... every card in the minor arcana depicts their suit in its own way. like the range of coins/currency from various times and cultures?? AMAZING. looking at the art of this deck is a DELIGHT. every card manages to be beautiful and interesting despite there not being a single living creature depicted on any of them. i WILL say they, same as the spacious tarot, are not the most intuitive to read if you’re not super familiar with either the Plants or the meanings of the cards. Pamphlet: you can fit so much plant knowledge in this one. i got a version of the deck with a beautiful little book, but there’s also a small pamphlet that follows the deck itself (which i admittedly have not looked too closely at yet). there’s descriptions for why this specific plant has been chosen for each card, and then some Card Meaning Keywords. so definitely on the Abstract side of my imaginary tarot pamphlet scale, because you mostly have plant symbolism to go on. i haven’t done a lot of readings with this deck, i’ll be honest - but it’s a beautiful treasure that i adore. Cardfeel: they’re Smoothe and Guilded edges. they can feel a little wide for my hands, but not so much that i cannot shuffle. i think maybe a smidge of texture wouldve been good with this deck since it would fit the look of the painted art. i also did get like... a big kickstarter reward version of this deck. it came in a tin box with extra treasures and a cloth and pins... the actual card box itself is beautiful to look at, but i have to say that the one i got is VERY HARD TO OPEN. i might transfer the cards into a pouch if i want to be reading them more often. IKEA deck

yes this is a meme deck and i don’t really use it but I WANTED TO SHARE... i think the major arcana is very cool and funny, but i was dissappointed to find that the suit cards are just “ikea part but Multiple Times”. it also does not come with a pamphlet. also yes yes it’s funny that the names of the cards are spelled in a “silly ikea word language” BUT IKEA NAMES ARE JUST SWEDISH....... IT’S NOT A SECRET LANGUAGE IT’S JUST SWEDISH............ it’s a funny deck to have and it doesn’t take up much space so eh! shrugs!!! The Lubanko Tarot by Emily Lubanko

another kickstarter deck... it’s gorgeous but there is a chance i might gift it to someone else. not because i regret getting it or don’t like it, but because i already have so many decks that speak to me, while this one gives me vibes of serving someone else better. does that make any sense? i admittedly haven’t looked at the pamplet so much so i think i’m going to skip that description for this one. Vibes and Thematic Coherency: the MOVEMENT and the COLORS... it’s Capturing Feelings in a really good way. i mean. i got it for the vibes and it’s serving vibes. Cardfeel: Smoothe Cards. shiny silver edges, like a slippery fish in a rapid river. it feels good and right for this deck. also good box. i know most of these decks have Good Box, it’s just the botanica one that let me down by being difficult. The Oriens Tarot by AmbiSun

i don’t have this deck anymore, i gifted it to my boyfriend... i found these pics on my twitter. it’s one of the first decks i supported on kickstarter and it’s VERY pretty, and it has HOLOGRAPHIC RAINBOW EDGES HOT DAMN. it’s another one of those instances where i Yearned for it and then found that it didn’t fit me as well as i had hoped. tarot is just one of those things where you have to find what Works for you. at this time the children of litha was working so well for me and i really liked the depiction of animals in it, i wasn’t able to connect to another animal deck in the same way... and it was before my tarot collection snowballed into what i have now. C’EST LA VIE ... i don’t have a smith-waite deck. i’m a fake tarot fan. i am however familiarizing myself by following Jessica Dore on twitter and subscribing to her monthly newsletters. i really love how she talks about these cards and how she interprets them.

[thedeviltohisangel]

She Was Mine, I Was Hers//2

And she hated that she didn’t know the truth. She didn’t know where he was or where he was going or what was really happening. She had her own ideas. Gathered an opinion based on her history with him. But she ached with the thought that maybe she never knew him at all.

masterlist is my url/writing

accepting requests for this pairing

She had heard about Germany. Seen the wall to wall news coverage of the Avengers going to war with themselves. Watched with horror as Bucky flashed across the cable channels. It had been hard enough seeing him blamed for the UN bombing but now...now it seemed she really had no chance of seeing him again.

She couldn’t say that she had no regrets over leaving him. Her reasons for doing so were honest. She was losing herself and place in the world by being on the run with him. It had never occurred to her that leaving would mean never seeing him again. That Bucky would keep running and running and would never leave a trail for her to follow. And it kept her up at night, wondering if he had the capacity to forget her. Compartmentalize their time together. Shove it to the side and move on with his life the way he had for decades.

And she hated that she didn’t know the truth. She didn’t know where he was or where he was going or what was really happening. She had her own ideas. Gathered an opinion based on her history with him. But she ached with the thought that maybe she never knew him at all.

----

Lucia had ended up settling in Cape Town. It was remote enough that no one from her past bothered her but modern enough she needn’t go far for a bottle of wine or a new tube of mascara. A part of her knew that if she had gone to America, that would be a nail in the coffin of her and Bucky. He would never be welcome there after all he had done. So she stayed far away in the hopes one day she would find it in herself to accept the life he needed to live. Find it in himself to accept the life she needed to live. Or maybe they would be forced back together.

She paused her reading of Proust as the lights flickered in her apartment then shut off, cloaking it entirely in darkness. “It’s not even windy,” she groaned as she got up to go and see if the other units were as dark as hers. A peek out the window told her they weren’t. Her heart beat a little faster at that. Bucky had told her, long ago, that she might be used as leverage against. Explained to her the warning signs of how that would happen. Targeted isolation was one of them. 

“Bucky said to give you this. So you knew you could trust me.” She screamed as a man’s voice pierced the silence, her eyes searching the living room to try and find some sort of barings. Out from the moonlight stepped Steve Rogers. “I’m not here to hurt you. Promise.” He extended a hand towards her and in it was her nightgown. The silk one Bucky had loved so much. The one that had been missing the morning of her flight. Now she knew it was because he had taken it. Had kept it with him all this time.

“How did you get that?” she asked, afraid to touch it. All of her strength was being used to keep her emotions at bay. That little bit of silk would ruin all of it.

“Bucky said it would prove he sent me.”

“Sent you for what?” Her eyes hadn’t moved from his hand.

“See if you would be with him while he goes under.” Her gaze snapped up to meet his eyes.

“What does that mean?” Steve took a deep breath.

“Hydra’s control over him is hardwired into his brain. He asked to be put back on ice until we can figure out how to get it out.” She stood shakily to her feet and took a couple seconds to herself, to try and work through the words he was saying. Bucky had worked so hard to remember the bits and pieces of his life. She could only imagine the division within him when he had been reverted back to the Winter Soldier. 

“Where is he?”

“Wakanda.”

“And he asked for me?” It had been long enough since their last conversation. If she had known all he had been going through…

“Only if you want to see him. I didn’t come here to force you.” Bucky wanted her to be the last thing he saw. And if it didn’t work, he wanted to know he had done at least one thing right in his life to have been loved by her if only for a fleeting moment. He wanted her to know he loved her too. That he always would. That, if it led to her, he wouldn’t do anything different.

“Let me grab my bag.” Steve watched her walk towards the bed and grab a backpack from underneath the frame. He smirked. 

----

She asked if she could have some time once they arrived in Wakanda before she went to see him. Steve obliged, saying he would be back in a little bit to bring her to the lab. Lucia showered and tried on all the clothes in her bag before settling on a dress that was in the closet of the room she had been given. She couldn’t help but laugh at herself in the mirror. The girl looking back at her was blushing, glowing and every other cliche word that describes a young girl hopelessly falling in love. Maybe there was no Lucia without Bucky. Maybe he was the spark that kept the smile on her face. Maybe she should have never walked out on him that day. Was it too late? Did him going back on ice mean he would never be just Bucky again? Lucia heard a knock on the door and knew it was time. She didn’t know if this was a see you again later or a goodbye. And she didn’t know which one she wanted it to be either.

----

He looked good from afar at least. He was smiling as he exchanged words with Steve, her eyes immediately moving to the lack of metal arm on his left side. She wondered if he even missed it. He turned and saw her through the glass panels. In that moment she knew. They both knew. Leaving had been the right thing to do because he wouldn’t have been able to protect her through everything that had followed. He was no longer angry at her for leaving and she was no longer hurt that he didn’t say goodbye. When you love someone, you learn to forgive them.

“Steve said you had made it.” Bucky swallowed as she stood just outside of his reach. 

“I wanted to make sure you were okay. See you with my own eyes after everything I saw on TV.” Even though she had never stopped thinking about him and her feelings had never gone away, she felt out of place standing in front of him. Like they were strangers again.

“I wanted to let you know I was okay. I didn’t know if I could or if you even wanted me to.” She nodded and looked down at her feet. “I am okay,” he assured her.

“Good. I’d kill you if you weren’t.” They both smiled together, the joke easing some of the tension from their shoulders. “How long do you think it’ll take?” She began to drift a bit closer as she remembered the actual reason for her being here. Bucky was going under. He’d be gone again. Truly not there with her.

“I hope not long but I’m willing to do anything to make sure no one can control me like that ever again.” Her hand had found its way into his lap, his fingers twisting with hers. It was pure elation to touch her again. To be with her and feel her love for him washing over him in waves. It reminded him he wasn’t actually alone here at all. That if even when she wasn’t with him physically, her love always would be.

“I’ll stay here as long as it takes,” she whispered as she finally found the courage to look him in the eyes.

“Lucia, I would never ask you to do that.” Put her whole life on hold for him again. Clip her wings to be by his side while he recovered from years of trauma.

“I know. And you didn’t. I’ve lived life without you, Bucky, and it wasn’t really living. I want to be here when you wake up. By your side every day as you reclaim your life.” He leaned forward and pecked her lips gently. “I want to learn all the new parts of you. Fall in love with all of them the way I have the rest of you.” Because she had always believed that she loved all of Bucky. The damaged, torched by Hydra pieces as well as everything else. His arm  wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer to where he sat.

“I love you, Lucia. I want you to be the last thing I see every night and the first thing I see every morning for the rest of my life,” he breathed into her skin. Bucky hoped this process didn’t last so long that he didn’t get the chance to get his new life. He trusted the Wakandans and Shuri to be able to give him the opportunity.

“I want that more than anything,” she smiled as Steve walked up next to them. Their time was up. “I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise.” After Steve said his goodbyes, they both watched Bucky close his eyes and drift into a long sleep from the hallway.

“I can bring you back to where you were until it’s time,” he offered.

“No. I’m not leaving.” Not again. Not ever again. “Where will you go?” Last time she had checked, Captain America was technically a fugitive.

“Some friends of mine are in prison. Think I might go get them.” She nodded like it made sense. 

“Well, I wish you the best of luck, Captain Rogers.” She offered her hand. He shook it firmly.

“Take care of him. When it’s safe enough…”

“I know.” Steve left but she stayed where she was. A sentry by Bucky’s side. It was his turn to be protected. Have someone watch over him. Not have to look over his shoulder at every turn. And she’d be here to make sure of it.

----

The days passed well enough. She did a lot of reading and writing and exploring. The Wakandans had been more than welcoming. Shuri had taught her new dance moves and slang. Okoye had helped her get handy with a spear. T’Challa had made it a point to invite her to all the meals the royal family shared. She was happy and knew she could live the rest of her life like this if she had to. 

But on the nights the darkness was particularly daunting and her room was particularly silent, she found herself walking past the lab where Bucky was. Frozen in time. It brought her some comfort to think he was at peace. That he was actually able to sleep. That soon, the demons would be forced to leave him alone. 

“I love you, Bucky,” she whispered as she pressed her hand against the glass. Even in the darkness, she always wanted him to know that she was there by his side. 

----

Lucia was chasing a group of children around in the grass when the time finally came. She knew as soon as T’Challa appeared at the top of the hill, her heart racing. Even though she had looked forward to this moment for so long, she wasn’t sure what to do. Would it have truly worked? Would Bucky still be Bucky? Would he have forgotten more than just the words in his head but all of his good memories as well?

“Mr. Barnes is being awoken today.” He looked at her carefully and spoke softly. He knew she had just gotten used to being without him. He knew that none of them could plan for the unknown of what happened next. “Would you still like to be there?”

“Yes,” Lucia responded. 

“Then let us go.” 

----

She had imagined this moment a thousand different ways in her head. Some were out of a romance novel. Her kisses awakens him and they reunite against the backdrop of the sunset before vowing to live a simple life in the countryside for the rest of time. Other scenarios were ones of nightmares. The tests don’t work. He wakes up as the Winter Soldier and terrorizes those who had tried to help him. Or he wakes up and his memory has been erased. He looks at her with confusion and nothingness. She is doomed to love a man that would never love her back. She hoped, as the temperature rose and Bucky was slowly brought back to life, that it would land somewhere in the middle. That no matter the obstacles that surely lay ahead they would face them together. There was no life without him. There was no one else. He is hers and she is his. And that is how it is meant to be.