#i might open them once im down to like 5 (HORRIBLE IDEA HORRIBLE HORRIBLE PLAN)

[chigiriprincess]

my toxic trait is wanting to open reqs bc it is so fun to see ideas and get reqs when i literally have at least 7 sitting around waiting to be written

[illfoandillfie]

5 Simple Rules For A Successful Fake Relationship: The Perfect Date

5 SIMPLE RULES MASTERLIST

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Reader

Summery: There's trouble in paradise for you and Ben but will the distance bring about some revelations? And what does it mean for your romantic reunion?

Warnings: The usual fairly innocent stuff, some swearing and drinking and mentions of smoking, but with the additions of PDAs out the wazoo, public make out, private make out.

Words: 8093

A/N: Things get a lil spicy in this one! Small disclaimer that I don’t drink so I have no idea what wine does to someone, or two someones who split a bottle. Also just another reminder that this was in no way inspired by rumours regarding Ben’s rl relationship with Olivia Cooke. I believe they’re legit, and I will not engage with anyone about that topic. 

Taglist:  @laedymoon  @dtfrogertaylor  @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor  @hannafuckingsucks  @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @supersonicfreddie @tenement-funstah

@coni-martina @johndeaconshands @hardforbenhardy @cubedtriangle​ @vicouscirce​ @arianabrashierstuff​

You headed straight to the bathroom and threw up. Ben had called twice on your way home, but you’d let it go to voicemail, not ready to hear him admonish you for eavesdropping on him or to be asked if you felt the same. You supposed it was adrenaline or something that was making you feel nauseous. Of course, you’d have to talk to him eventually, at least to apologise for going so off book, but it could wait until you weren’t feeling so miserable. With teary eyes, you made your way to the kitchen, grabbed a drink to help settle your stomach, and then flopped onto the couch to flick through TV channels until you found something distracting enough. Your phone rang again but when you glanced at the screen it wasn’t Ben’s name you saw. “Mary?” If she heard any evidence of your distress in your voice she didn’t mention it, “Brilliant performance Y/N. The video was tweeted out about ten minutes after you left the restaurant and it’s already been shared more than you’d believe.” “Oh, that’s good.” “Better than good. People are eating it up. There’ll be articles tomorrow predicting your breakup and not just the ones we’ve organised. We’re going to ask that you and Ben refrain from seeing each other in public for the next two weeks or so, make it look like you’re taking some time apart. That’ll give the video plenty of time to circulate and allow us to get out a few variations of the trouble in paradise story. Of course, you’re free to visit each other and speak over the phone but be wary in case other paparazzi start following you in addition to the one’s we’ve hired. Chances are more people will be looking to scoop the official breakup story if all goes as well as these early numbers indicate it will. Then we’ll hit them with the romantic makeup dinner at Boucher. And after that it’s back to playing the happy couple. Of course there’ll be the press junket and premiere in a couple of months’ time and then we can break you up for good.” She kept talking about plans for he press tour, something about flights and hotels, but you stopped paying attention, already getting twitter open and searching for the video. It didn’t take long to find it, the caption proclaiming he who’d caught the footage had noticed you and Ben arrive and had pulled out his camera as soon as he realised things weren’t particularly happy. “Sorry, Mary, I’m gonna have to call you back.” “Everything alright?” “Yeah, just a small mishap with the washing machine. I’ll talk to you later.” As soon as she was gone you pressed play on the video. Filmed from a table to the left of yours and slightly behind your shoulder, the phone tipped at an angle so it wouldn’t be spotted. Your heart pounded as you watched. It was all there, the tension thick enough to cut with a knife as Ben tried to draw you into conversation. You heard the bite in your tone, the confusion in his. And you saw what you’d not noticed in the moment. The way his face fell when you said it was too much. The way his nails dug into his palm as he clutched his fork so tightly. The hurt on his face when you called him clingy and needy. He stood up as you walked away but he didn’t follow, just dragged his hand through his hair and then sat down heavily, worrying at his thumbnail with his teeth. The waiter came over, presumably with the bill but the video cut out before anything more was said. They’d got what they wanted. They didn’t need the aftermath.

The next day there was an unexpected knock on your door. You put down your phone where you were watching the video again and peeked out the window, worried that it was Ben come to confront you. Instead you saw Felicity raise her fist and knock again. “I saw the video,” was the first thing she said when you let her in, “are you okay?” “I wish people would stop asking me that. I’m fine.” “You had a straight up cat fight in the middle of a restaurant, and there are paparazzi practically camping in your front yard, you’re not fine.” “Okay, maybe not fine fine. But it’s whatever. How many are out there?” “Three. But what happened? Last week you told me you weren’t going to break up.” “We haven’t broken up.” “Well then what was that?” “I don’t know. It’s been building for a bit I guess. He’s just more serious about it all than I am.” “So I heard. Are you sure you aren’t just panicking?” “Panicking about what?” “Well, y’know, you’ve been in the tabloids a bit lately. That must put a strain on things. Maybe you just got a little freaked out by it and pushed Ben away rather than let yourself be vulnerable,” “What are you my shrink?” “Hey, I’m just trying to help.” “Yeah well, you’re wrong. The paps are kind of annoying but they aren’t the problem. The problem…” you took a breath as you considered what was safe to say, “the problem is that Ben has been on a different page to me for a while now. I think we both just need some space.” “Okay, if that’s what you want to go with,” she clearly didn’t believe you, “Have you talked to him about it?” “Not yet. Figured I’d call back sometime today when my head was clearer.” She nodded, “Well, I’m here for you. Whatever you need. Moral support when you call him or someone to bitch to afterwards or just somebody to get drunk with.” She pulled you into a hug, squeezing you tight and for a moment you felt like you might cry. All you could think about was Ben’s expression when you walked out, how wounded he looked.

Felicity stayed with you for the rest of the day which was good because her presence stopped you from doing nothing but watching the video over and over again. As it was you found it hard to keep yourself from looking at the comments people left on it. A lot of people took Ben’s side, calling you a bitch or worse, sometimes even direct messaging you their opinions. But there were also those lampooning Ben for smothering you, some going so far as to claim they were early signs of manipulative and controlling tendencies and that he deserved the public humiliation of it all. Those were the comments that made you feel worst. Being called a cunt you could deal with. Being told Ben deserved better you could easily deal with. But seeing such horrible suggestions of Ben being thrown about made your heart ache. He wasn’t mean or manipulative. He’d been nothing but kind to everyone on set and especially to you. Any lingering annoyance that hadn’t left you along with the little you’d eaten seemed to melt away, leaving you feeling cold at the thought of what you’d said. Yes he’d been stupid and selfish to agree to pretend to date you when he actually had a crush on you. But not once had he tried to wheedle a confession of love from you, not once had he pushed himself onto you. He’d always been respectful of your boundaries, warned you before he kissed you, asked if you wanted to share a blanket rather than just assume you did. Even your rules he’d mostly stuck to. The one exception being the cutesy nickname, but you’d never put up much of a fight with that. You only knew that he felt something for you because you’d listened in to a private conversation. And really, could you blame him for developing feelings? You’d literally been cast as lovers because you had good chemistry and then you’d spent weeks getting even closer, made all the more necessary by your fake romance. He was hardly the first person in history to have his on-screen feelings transfer to real life. And surely, if he’d decided to tell his friend everything, even after signing contractual documents about keeping it secret, then he must be serious about you, about how much he liked you. Maybe you had it wrong. Maybe there was something there you hadn’t consi-. “Stop wallowing,” Felicities voice cut through your thoughts, “Put the phone down and stop thinking about Ben for five minutes.” You shook your head to clear it, “I’m not wallowing.” “Are you on twitter right now?” “Maybe,” “You’re wallowing. C’mon, give me the phone.” She held out her hand, giving you had no choice but to hand it over. “Has anyone ever told you you’d make a good teacher,” “Once or twice. You can have this,” she brandished your phone at you and then shoved it into her bag, “back when you’re ready to call Ben. Until then we are getting out of the house.” “Out of the house where?” you asked, letting her pull you from your seat. “Just out. You need some fresh air. Go on, get your shoes.” “Alright, alright, I’m going,” you said, with the first genuine chuckle you’d had in days.

You ended up at the park a street over, sitting on a bench overlooking the duckpond. One or two of the photographers followed you, but they were easy to ignore. As soon as you stopped moving your mind was back on the previous night, but Felicity must have sensed as much for she quickly blurted out a fun fact about ducks to distract you. For the rest of the time you were there she kept your mind on other things. She gave you an extended rundown on all the gossip from her workplace. It didn’t matter that you didn’t know who Derick was, you soon heard all about his tryst with the copy boy, and when you asked if the Susie M who was mentioned was the same Susie M that made out with the boss at last year’s Christmas party you heard all about the fallout from her drunk misstep. Felicity led you on a stroll around the pond as you laughed at her stories and filled her in on what you were hoping your next role would be. “I’ve been sent a couple of interesting scripts. There’s one for a sci fi time travel thing which I’m hoping to get a call back for. And there was one for a comedy about a coven of witches causing mayhem with their potions. I’m only about halfway through the script but I’d happily play any of the three lead witches, so I think I’ll have a crack at it.” “They both sound really good. Different to your last role.” “Yeah. Different’s good though.” Eventually you wound your way towards a small coffee shop opposite the far side of the park. The slice of apple tea cake you ordered was the first food you’d eaten since the few bites at dinner and Felicity didn’t let you leave until you’d finished it, though she was subtle in her insistence. When you put your fork down with food still left on the plate she ordered a second coffee for each of you which gave you little to do but keep eating. You thanked her after but she pretended not to know what you were talking about. It wasn’t until you got home again that she returned your phone. “You should call Ben,” “Do I have to?” “Stop pouting and do it. You’re cute together and you obviously love him. Just suck it up and talk to him.” You let out a heavy sigh and then took the phone back, refraining from rolling your eyes at how wrong she was about your feelings.

You headed out onto the back patio and, with some slight trepidation, called Ben. The call rang out. With a frown you headed back inside only to be greeted by Felicity making chicken noises. “I didn’t chicken out, he just didn’t pick up. He must be busy.” “Or he’s upset. Call back. You can come in after he’s not picked up three times or you’ve had a chat.” “Okay, I’ll try again, jeez,” you went back outside and shut the door behind you. Your second attempt was as unsuccessful as your first and you were just about to hang up on the third try when he picked up. “Hello?” “Hi Ben,” “Y/N,” there was none of the joy in his voice that usually accompanied your name. “Can we talk, is now a good time?” “Yeah,” “Okay, I just, uh, I wasn’t sure since you didn’t pick up straight away.” “Well I wouldn’t want to come across as more needy than I already do.” “I shouldn’t have said that,” you leaned against the wall of the house in the same spot you’d seen Ben lean countless times after you’d told him he couldn’t smoke inside, “I’m so so sorry about everything I said.” “It’s not what you said, Y/N. I get it, we had to fight and you let loose. From an acting perspective I’m actually really fucking impressed. I, uh, I might have watched the video when I got home, just once, and it looks legit. Like, that line about pretending to love me as much as I do you.” You held your breath, waiting for him to ask how you knew. “I mean, that’s exactly what we were going for anyway, just without the details of not having met each other’s families. Everyone still heard us argue about moving at different paces and it was some really great improvisation.” “You think so?” “Yeah absolutely. I don’t think I could have come up with a line like that on the fly. Seriously, if we were allowed to tell people it was fake, that would have fit well on your audition reel.” “So you’re not upset with me?” There was a pause as Ben thought about his next words. “Not upset exactly. Like I said, I get that it was a scene. But the way you sounded when you called me clingy….it was pretty clear there were some real feelings in there too and I,” Ben sighed, “I just wish you’d talk to me about how you were feeling beforehand.” “I didn’t really know how.” “But if I’d known that I was making you uncomfortable or coming across as clingy I would have pulled back. I could have texted less or crashed at your place less often. Not insisted on buying you books on our fake dates.” You scuffed your foot against the ground, not sure whether to come clean about overhearing him. You’d expected Ben to have realised by now that you knew, not to take what you’d said as some incredible performance. “I know I got kinda caught up in it all though,” he said before you could summon the courage to admit anything, “I, um, I really like…” You could feel your heart racing, convinced he was about to confess his feelings for you, completely unsure how to react. “…being someone’s boyfriend.” “Oh,” Why was he so determined to surprise you? Why did you feel disappointed? “It suits me. I like having someone to dote on and take care of and talk to and I guess it’s been a while since I properly, seriously dated anyone. I feel like I’ve got all this boyfriend energy stored up and nowhere for it to go. It comes in handy when we’re pretending to be on a date or whatever but sometimes it slips out when we’re just hanging out as friends, without the cameras and all that. Which isn’t an excuse or anything, I’m not trying to undermine any discomfort you felt.” “No, I get it.” “You do?” “Yeah. I mean, we said it was a weird situation right back when it was first pitched to us. That hasn’t really changed, has it?” “No,” he said with a small, soft chuckle, “still weird.” “Exactly. And sometimes I think it can be kind of confusing.” “Confusing?” You had a sudden mental image of a dog with pricked up ears, “Confusing’s maybe the wrong word. Hard to keep up with is I guess what I’m trying to say. It’s different to acting in love with someone on a movie because on a movie there’s a definite time span. The director calls cut and you can stop pretending. But we don’t get that cut. Even when there’s no cameras we’re still faking it for the people we know and anyone who might see us,” you glanced inside to make sure Felicity wasn’t listening in. “Do you think that’s why you didn’t know how to talk to me? Because there’s no clear line between Y/N and Ben as friends and Y/N and Ben as a couple.” “Maybe,” you shrugged, “I don’t think it helps.” “Yeah. It’s like, obviously there are times when we have to be all coupley and I guess it gets hard to say when something is uncomfortable because then it’s like what about next time we’re out and we have to do that thing anyway. And there are things I’m happy to do with my friends that I don’t think twice about but might carry extra meaning in our situation.” “Exactly. I don’t want to say I don’t like something and make you feel bad when we then have to do it because people are watching.” “So what are you suggesting then?” “Well, we aren’t allowed to see each other in public for a couple of weeks now, right? So maybe this could be a chance for us to take a break. Not in a completely cut off way, I still wanna talk to you and stuff. But if we give ourselves some space, y’know. Try and shake….excess feelings a-and work out our boundaries better.” “Sure, yeah, I can see how that would help.” “It’s just a couple of weeks and like we can still text or call or whatever we just wouldn’t hang out together and it wouldn’t be every day.” “Y/N, I get it. It’s a good idea.” You took a deep breath, “Okay. Cool. Um, so we’re good?” “Of course we are. I-” Ben seemed to stop himself from saying something, instead sighing, “We’re good,” “Good.” There was nothing else to stay but you didn’t want to hang up. Neither did Ben, it seemed, both of you just standing in silence. You could hear faint music playing on his end, like it was coming from another room. Maybe he was in his kitchen, leaning against the bench, the radio on in the next room over. Or maybe he was sitting on his couch, the TV down low so the repetitive game music wouldn’t disturb your conversation. You could see him so clearly, sitting in his usual seat, controller abandoned beside him. You wondered if he could tell where you were. “I guess I should go then,” He said softly, “I’ll talk to you soon.” “Bye Ben,” “Bye cud- Y/N.”

“How’d it go?” Felicity asked when you came back inside. “Alright. We’re gonna take a break from seeing each other so much and sort out how we feel and stuff.” “That sounds good,” “Yeah,” you felt relieved at having had the conversation but it was mixed with a weird sadness you couldn’t put your finger on, making you feel vaguely like you wanted to be sick again. “Why don’t you go lie down for a bit. I’ll hang out and then tonight we can order pizza and watch cat videos or vine compilations or something dumb like that.” “You don’t have to stay, I’m fine.” “Hun, I’m staying. Maybe I’ll take a run to the shop, pick up some ice cream and booze and face masks. Sound fun?” “Definitely,” “Alrighty then, it’s a plan.” You felt slightly cheered by the thought as you made your way to your room and fell onto the bed, not bothering to change or move the covers, but it didn’t stop room from blurring with tears as soon as you were alone.

Keeping the distance between you and Ben was a mixed bag. On one hand not seeing each other meant there was no lingering pressure of another date or photo opportunity weighing on you. But on the other it also meant a queue of TV shows you felt unable to watch since you’d started them together. You didn’t have to worry that Ben would suddenly call you or rock up on your doorstep, unable to keep his affections to himself any longer. But you also missed out on random messages asking if you could remember that song (“you know the one it was from the early 2000s. Went something like…,”) or the way he’d chuck popcorn at you from the other side of the couch until you managed to catch some in your mouth. It gave you a chance to relax without worrying you were leading him on, or that you’d say the wrong thing, or that the rules you’d come up with would be broken. But that was because you barely spoke to him. Your communication was kept to text messages whenever something big happened and not much more. Ben sent you a message when he got a call back for one of the movies he’d auditioned for. You texted him when your neighbour’s dog had puppies, partly because they’d asked if you knew anyone who could adopt one when it was a little bigger, but partly because the second you saw the babies you thought of how much he’d love them. And yes, you were sleeping better without so much pressure and anxiety, but it hadn’t stopped Ben from appearing in your dreams and even daydreams, explicitly so more often than you were willing to admit. Then of course there was the bombardment of emails from family and friends checking in on you after they’d seen the video. It got so out of hand you’d had to make a rare post on your private Facebook account letting them know things were fine, just to get them to stop harassing you. But you couldn’t stop the harassment you were getting from strangers on all your other social media pages. You got into the bad habit of checking all the big gossip mag websites for  stories about you, following them with as much fervour as any fan might. Ben must have had some paparazzi taking up residence on his street too because you saw countless pictures of Ben going about his day – out with friends, walking to Tesco, smoking outside a pub. And every time there was some story attached either about how heartbroken he was or about how he was sneaking off to meet you in private. You coped the same treatment, though sometimes with the added twist of announcing you were pregnant. All it did was make you wish you could have a hug from Ben and talk about it with him. You came very close to buying a pack of cigarettes one day, just so you could burn one and have its scent linger around your house like Ben had brought it in with him. Felicity was brilliant. She found amusement in the unfamiliar photographers, especially when an article appeared with photos of you and her hugging on your doorstep, speculating you’d moved on from Ben already. It wasn’t so surprising that she’d snuck her way into the magazines she so loved to read considering she checked in on you a lot in the first few days. But, as much as you loved her, and as much as she made you laugh, she had her own job and partner to think about and she couldn’t quite grasp what was happening the same way Ben could have. You missed him more than you thought you would, even with all the baggage from his unrequited crush. So much so that the realisation your makeup date was approaching had you grinning as you made your morning coffee, humming the song from his mug.

It was a surprise, though not an unpleasant one, to hear your phone ringing at close to nine the night before the date. You were sitting in bed playing solitaire on your laptop when your ringtone interrupted. Ben was apologetic as he greeted you, repeatedly saying sorry for calling at all. “It’s okay Ben, I really don’t mind.” You said, putting the laptop aside and relaxing back against the pillows. “Are you sure? I should have just emailed you.” “Ben, stop. I’m glad you called. I’ve missed hearing your voice.” “You have?” “Of course I have. I spent two and a bit months doing nothing but listen to you blab, you really think I’d just forget you?” You could hear his smile when he continued, “I’ve missed talking to you too. I figured this would be a good excuse.” “This being?” “Tomorrow night. Peter said he’d send you the info.” “Of course, yeah I got his email. Tomorrow night, meeting at Boucher at seven.” “Yup, that’s the info.” “I was told to dress up and be prepared to smooch.” “Did he say smooch?” “No,” you laughed, “His phrasing sounded a lot stuffier and careful not to create a lawsuit, but I figured that’s what he meant.” “Yeah, um, you’re okay with that?” “Absolutely. It’s a makeup dinner and we’re going to be together for another couple of months so we should play up the romance and the um, physicality and all that.” You tried to ignore the sudden warmth in your cheeks and the memory of your last dream. “Okay, good because I was specifically told about what happens when we leave the restaurant.” “Hmmm I think I remember something about that but again, stuffy non-lawsuit language. Kinda hard to follow at times.” “Basically they want us to make out while we wait for an Uber. Like, proper make out.” “Oh,” “I told them neither of us are public make out people but they’re insisting they need it. Something about it being an obvious indication of getting back together or whatever. And technically we agreed to it when we signed up for this whole thing.” “Thanks for the heads up.” “No worries. Glad I called now, wouldn’t have wanted to just spring that on you. But um, that’s it really, I’ll let you get back to your last night of peace.” “Wait,” you blurted without having anything else to say. “Yeah?” “Ummm, oh! Did you hear anything more about that movie?” “Not yet but Peter said they’re still in talks. Hopefully soon.” “What’s it about?” “It’s an actiony thriller thing. This guy, the role I auditioned for, witnesses a murder and then gets dragged into this revenge mission. I’d get to shoot some big guns and drive a cool car and y’know save the girl, all that stuff.” “Sounds fun,” “Yeah, what about you, any auditions?” “One or two but nothing’s come of them. I sent my reel in for this supernatural comedy about a coven of witches. Too soon to know anything though.” “Well I hope you get it,” “Yeah, likewise.” “Thanks.” You were forcefully reminded of your last conversation when you both lapsed into silence again, neither of you making any move to hang up. You wanted to keep talking but part of you was worried that if you used up all your conversation topics now, you’d have nothing to talk about over dinner tomorrow, and if that happened you were bound to blurt out something you shouldn’t. Instead you just savoured the sound of Ben’s breaths and the odd rustle of clothing as he shifted around. Once again he was the one to break the silence. “Well, as lovely as it has been to chat, I should go. Gotta get a good night sleep so I’m ready to woo you tomorrow.” “You’re not going to bed yet are you? It’s so early,” “I was gonna read or something for a bit actually.” “Have you finished that show we started?” “Which one?” “Any of them? “No. Figured they could wait.” “You wanna watch one now?” “What, over the phone?” “Yeah, we can try to time it so it plays at the same time.” “Uh, sure, why not,” You quickly grabbed your laptop and, after some discussion of which show you were more in the mood for, found the right episode. There was laughter on both ends of the line as you attempted to hit play at the same time, counting down from three between giggles. It took you a few tries but you eventually got them to sync up, more or less. It felt nice to hear Ben’s laughter again, his voice when he sang along with the soundtrack, his comments about the nitty gritty of the production side – odd line deliveries and angles of shots. He was easy to talk to. Though with everything that had happened, everything you knew, just the act of talking to him set off butterflies in your stomach.

It took you well over an hour to get ready for the date. You’d been told to go all out so that’s exactly what you did. With a little help from Felicity so you could get away with a calming pre dinner drink. She gave you a hand choosing an outfit – a dress, short but not too short, classy but eye catching. It had started life as a dress for a movie premiere but after a few years the top didn’t fit quite right so you’d had it altered, the skirt was taken up, cut off and attached to a new top that more suited your current style, leaving you with a slightly shorter and much more you outfit. Glass of Prosecco close to hand, Felicity worked on your hair and offered advice on your makeup. When you were finished and could reveal the full look to her, she squealed. “You’re absolutely going to get laid.” “Shut up. I look alright though? Lipstick’s not too dark?” “Honey, you look gorgeous. I swear, you’re gonna get dicked down in the bathroom of that fancy as fuck restaurant because he’s not gonna be able to keep his hands off you.” You burst out laughing, “Good to know. Not exactly the plan for the evening but at least I’m prepared now.” “What is your plan?” “I don’t really have one, which is not helping me stay calm. I guess just find out if he’s still interested in me. And then work out where we go from there. We talked last night and that was good but I just need to know if he’s, you know, still into me.” “He’s head over heels for you, that won’t have changed. The question is, do you love him?” You wanted to say no but obviously couldn’t so you settled for a soft, “I’ve have missed him.” She hummed with an annoyingly knowing look. “I should be going, the Uber’ll be here soon.” Felicity pulled you into a hug, “Knock him dead, Y/N,” and then, as an afterthought added, “don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” “You first hooked up with your girlfriend because some drunk guy told you he’d buy you both drinks if you made out. There’s nothing you wouldn’t do.” Felicity laughed, “That was just a free drink, imagine what I’d do if there was a fancy French dinner involved.”

You arrived before Ben did. A quick glance up and down the street told you he wasn’t approaching just yet, so you opened your clutch to give yourself something to think about other than the sound of snapping cameras. Phone, lipstick, tissues, compact mirror, three condoms. You laughed to yourself when you saw them and made a mental note to lie about how useful they were when you next saw Felicity. Quick footsteps caught your attention and you looked up in time to see Ben running towards you. “Sorry, I’m late,” he said between breaths, pressing a kiss to your cheek as soon as he was within reach, “My Uber got caught in traffic and I had to make a stop,” He held out a small bouquet of flowers in a variety of pinks, purples and yellows. “For me?” “No for the other girl I’m seeing, of course for you. You like them?” “They’re beautiful,” you took the bouquet and breathed in its sweet scent. “I saw it in the shop and, um yeah, I don’t know, they seemed nice, a-and I know you, um, like nice things, so,” he stopped babbling with a pained expression on his face, for once more visibly nervous than you. “It’s very sweet of you, thank you,” “I’m glad you think so because right now it feels kinda cliché and cheesy. Now you have to carry them around all night, what was I thinking? And god can I just shut up. Sorry.” You couldn’t help but laugh as he scrunched his nose up and ran his hand through his hair, unintentionally endearing, “Calm down, Ben, we’ve done this before.” “I know,” “Let’s just go inside, further away from these cameras, and have a drink, sound good? “God yes,” he nodded and let you lead him through the door up to the hostess stand, managing to pull himself together enough to give her the name of the booking. As expected, she told you to wait in the bar until a table was ready.

Ben downed his first drink in one hit. It made you wonder how hard he was finding it to be around you. Had the space helped him quiet his feeling for you? Or had it just made him want you more? Was that why he seemed so out of sorts, stumbling over his words in a way that was so unlike him. You desperately wanted to find out where he stood but it was impossible without giving yourself away. What you needed was for him to make another phone call you could overhear but the likelihood of that happening was slim. You’d just have to put it from your mind for now. “Better?” You asked Ben as he caught the barman’s attention and ordered a second drink. “Getting there,” He took the new glass and drank, just a sip this time, “You look stunning by the way. I should have said it earlier,” “Thank you, you look very handsome,” He glanced down at the suit he was wearing, “Thanks.” A somewhat awkward silence followed. “So,” you said, louder than necessary, desperate to get him talking like he normally did lest you start to freak out too, “You been here before?” “No. Never even heard of it before Mary and Peter mentioned it. You?” “Same.” You looked around the room, searching for something else to talk about, “Nice though.” “Yeah, yeah, really swanky.” “Bit different from the painting thing,” “Yeah, very. Look I need to tell you someth-” “Mr Hardy? Your table is ready,” You smiled at the hostess, as he thanked her, and followed her towards a table for two, setting your bouquet down to the side. Ben smiled at you from across the table. “You were saying?” you asked, apprehensive and curious. “Oh, um, nothing, doesn’t matter. We’ve got a date to focus on.” “Wouldn’t want all these prying eyes to miss anything,” “Exactly. Cuddle bunny,” You smiled at the nickname despite its ridiculousness and leaned forward in your seat slightly, letting your fingers gently rest against the back of his hand. If he wanted to focus on the date and putting on a good show for the public then that was something you could do, “Babe.” The flush you’d seen creep onto Ben’s face before appeared again and he reached for his glass once more. “So, how have you been?” you asked, pulling your hand back towards you. He looked at its retreat and then back at your eyes, “Good. Got to hang out with the boys a few times last week which was really good.” “Beat them at any more video games?” “They won’t let me anywhere near FIFA at the moment,” “Discrimination,” “That’s what I tried to tell them!” he laughed, seeming to relax a little more, “bunch of babies.” “What about that trip thing you were organising, have you sorted that out?” “Not entirely. It’s with my friend Joe who lives in the States. He was going to come out here but we decided it wasn’t worth it since I’ll be over there soon anyway.” “You will?” “Well both of us will be. Part of the press stuff for The Perfect Match.” “Oh, right, of course,” you giggled and tucked your hair behind your ear. “He’s looking forward to meeting you though.” “I bet he is,” you said automatically. Of course he’d be keen to meet the woman his friend was infatuated with, you would be too. Ben gave you a questioning look but you covered well enough, “I mean, he’d obviously know about us dating so I assume he’d be curious to meet your girlfriend. Especially if we’re having public spats and stuff.” “Right, yeah, definitely. What about you? What’s been happening?”

From there you fell into your usual style of conversation, both of you relaxing more as the night wore on and the bottle of wine you ordered grew emptier. The only difference from normal was the romance of it all, played up as much as possible. Brushing hands as you both reached for the salt, soft smiles and laughs. You even went so far as to twirl a strand of hair around your finger like some love struck teenybopper in a soap opera. When your food arrived you let Ben feed you a bite off his fork. You offered a taste of your meal in return and he held your wrist as he leaned in. A gesture that left you breathless, blinking at him as he slowly withdrew his hand. The wine’s fault probably. You’d polished off the bottle by the time dessert arrived, on top of the drinks you’d had before you sat down. It made you feel looser and you assumed the same of Ben, judging by how different his demeanour was to the nervous, stuttering one he’d had when he showed up. Perhaps that was why, with a spoonful of chocolate mousse halfway to his mouth and no regard for the conversation you were having, he suddenly said, “Can I ask about these last couple of weeks?” “Uh, yeah, what d’you want to know?” “Was it good? The space, did you get what you wanted from it?” You thought for a moment, putting down your own spoon, “Yes. I’m not going to lie and say it wasn’t helpful because it really was. Just, having that break from everything. I think I really needed it. But I really really missed you too.” He smiled at that, looking down at his dessert like he was trying to hide it, “I’m glad. It was hard not seeing you but yeah, helped me figure some stuff out too. Confirmed some other stuff.” “Like what? If you don’t mind me asking.” “Like…um, the thing I said on the phone about enjoying playing the boyfriend. I like having someone special to share things with,” He sighed, “But that’s…not relevant right now. Do you want to get out of here?” You were a little taken aback by the suddenness of the suggestion but agreed, reapplying your lipstick for the cameras while the waiter collected your bill.

Ben wrapped his arm around your waist once you were outside, pulling you close. With the pretext on planting a kiss on your temple he quietly asked if you were ready for the next part. “Lay it on me,” you giggled, feeling warm and light. A second later his hand was sliding down your side towards your bum which set off another wave of giggles. He kept you close as you walked down the street, oblivious to the flash of cameras. Ben kept his arm around you, using the other to open the app and order a car. You stopped when you reached a quiet bus stop, Ben letting you go to sit down, tapping the spot beside him. But his hand wasn’t gone for long, instead moving to cup your cheek as he pulled you into a kiss. “I missed doing that,” he muttered but you were more focused on making it happen again, shifting yourself closer, laying your hand against him, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt. His heart was pounding under your palm, but it matched the beat against your own chest. You’d forgotten how good he was at kissing but it came flooding back as you opened your lips for him, felt his tongue against yours. His hand was firm on your back, pulling you in but still not close enough. You whined, let him pull you onto his lap, pressed yourself against him, one hand in his hair so he wouldn’t stop kissing you. His hands were everywhere, on your arms and back and squeezing your arse, holding you in place as you arched your back slightly and kissed him harder. A car horn right beside you made you pull away, startled. “Ben?” The older man asked, looking down at their phone, “I’m here to pick you up.” “Shit,” Ben said softly, and then to the driver, “Sorry, yes, that’s us.” You let your head fall forward onto his shoulder for a second, smothering your laughter. “C’mon cuddle bunny,” he said softly, “they’ve had enough of a show.” Your legs felt unsteady as you stood and smoothed your skirt down. Ben opened the back door for you and followed you inside. “So sorry about that,” he said again to the driver. He just laughed, “It’s alright. I remember being your age and completely smitten. You’re that couple I’ve seen online, right?” “Uh, yes, that’d be us, I think” “Well if you wanna keep making out I won’t stop you. Might have to tweet about it though.” Ben laughed, “Thanks but I think we can hold off for a bit.” You looked over at Ben and had to cover your mouth to keep from laughing too loud when you saw the lipstick smudged over Ben’s face. “What is it?” Still laughing you handed ben your compact mirror and the pack of tissues from your clutch. “Christ,” he said softly, “The internet’s going to fucking love this.”

The Uber driver left you at the end of Ben’s driveway with a wink and a have fun. There were paparazzi waiting for you so you grabbed Ben’s hand and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. He led you inside, refusing to let go of your hand even while trying to dig his keys from the opposite pocket. Once you were inside, you placed your slightly bruised bouquet on the hall stand, leaned against the closed door and began taking your shoes off. Normally, after being out together and winding up at Ben’s place, you’d head straight to the bathroom to take off your makeup. He’d go and fetch two glasses of water if you’d been drinking or maybe something warm if the night was cool. You’d change into the pyjamas you kept at his place and then join him in the lounge room, sometimes tucking yourselves under the same blanket, to watch TV until you were yawning and struggling to stay awake. And then you’d wish each other good night and head to your separate rooms. But this time something felt different. You kicked your shoes to the side of the hallway and stayed against the door, watching as Ben pulled his wallet from his pocket, dropping it and his keys next to your flowers. He slowly turned towards you, taking a step closer. And you knew you should move, should dodge around him, make a joke about not needing to take off your makeup since he’d already done it for you but you found yourself stepping towards him too. There was a beat as you both realised how close you were. You heard Ben swallow, watched his eyes move to your lips unashamedly. Later, when you were lying in the dark wondering what the fuck had happened, you’d tell yourself it was the wine. A brief impairment of judgement exacerbated by months of celibacy and an easily suggestable brain. Whether you believed it was another question.

You closed the gap but he was only a second behind, hand back on your waist as his other found your jaw. You wrapped your arms around his neck, let him slowly walk you through the house towards the living room you where you’d spent so many nights joking around. He didn’t stop kissing you while you stumbled through the house, not unless he had to and even then he never went far, his breath hot against your lips. You pushed him down onto the couch and straddled his lap, continuing what had been interrupted, his hands falling back to your arse, pushing up your skirt, squeezing, as you tugged on his hair, making him groan. A single rational thought was trapped in the back of your mind, trying to breakthrough but it was hard to think when Ben was holding you like that, kissing you like that, especially after so long without being touched at all. He broke away to mouth at your throat and it was only then that you had enough time to think clearly. “Wait,” you said softly and then again more insistently. “What is it?” “What are we doing? We can’t,” “Why not?” You shook your head, and pushed yourself off of him, taking a couple of steps back, “It’s rule one Ben,” “We wouldn’t even have to break rule one though, we can just stay here on the couch. No harm in making out if we’ve already done it.” A whine caught in your throat and you took an extra half step back to keep from rushing into his arms again, more rational thoughts pushing through the broken wall and joining the first. You shouldn’t, not if there was any chance Ben still had a crush on you. It wouldn’t be fair. “I’d be good to you Y/N, you know I would,” You shook your head, “You know this isn’t real, right Ben?” “Of course I know that,” “Really? Because sometimes I think you forget I’m not actually in love with you.” What’s that supposed to mean?” You bit your lip to try and stop yourself from saying what you were about to say but it was no use, the words were already half out, “I heard you talking to Joe the night you left your keys at the bar. I know you have a crush on me.” “You heard that?” His eyes were wide, horrified. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overhear I just needed a drink an-.” “Oh my god,” He sat up straighter and ran a hand through his hair again and you wished it was your fingers mussing it up, “Maybe you should go.” “Wait, Ben, let’s just talk about it.” “Is that why you were upset before the argument? Is that why you didn’t want to see me for the last two weeks?” “I thought some space might help you stop feeling that way.” He laughed at that, “I’m – I’ve been trying to stop feeling like this for months now, since we were filming together, but I can’t, I can’t shake you. I love you. And it won’t go away.” “You love me?” Ben nodded, looking up at you from the couch but you couldn’t meet his eye. “You don’t have to say you don’t feel the same, I know.” You didn’t know what to say, just stood there, frozen in place. “That’s what I thought,” He stood up, chewing on his lip and when he spoke he had to clear his voice to make it loud enough for you to hear, “I, um, I know I just said you should leave but you can’t go yet. There are still paparazzi out there and we’re meant to look like we’ve made up. I’m going to go to bed though and you can stay until they leave or, if you can still stand to look at me, then you’re welcome to stay the night and I’ll drop you home in the morning. I’m really sorry.” You watched him walk towards the hallway, still frozen in place.

[cal-puddies]

your kind of heaven || pt 3. RSVP || luke hemmings

pt 1. || pt 2 || pt. 3 || pt. 4 || pt. 5 || Pt. 6 || pt. 7 || pt. 8 || pt. 9 || pt. 10

“Oh, we haven’t really started it.” He gives you a weird, but surprised look, he’s surprised you don’t know this. “Luke and Ash have both been working on some other things. Luke’s outta town with Sierra right now, they’re writing together for her new album. I thought you knew that…”

“Oh… yeah, of course, I… spaced it.” You shrug.

Cal knows that’s not true, beside it being incredibly unlike you that you’d forget, he can tell by your face that you didn’t know Luke was even talking to Sierra, he’d never brought it up. “Well let's get dinner this week, and catch up. You just got home from writing with Shawn, right?”

You nod. “Yeah I did, and sure. I’ll… Ill cook or something.”

“Nah, we’ll go out.” He shrugs, he hugs you one more time before he heads out.

You head to the register with the six bottles of wine, the two bottles of vodka, and the little bit of food you’d managed to get prior to hitting up the liquor section.

You had enough time to put the groceries away and pour a glass of wine before the front door was opening, Ms. P was scampering in and Luke was laughing with another girl. You recognize the voice, it’s Sierra. You wipe your hand over your face, he sets his bag down in the hall and they’re heading straight for the kitchen.

He looks surprised when he see you, “babe! Hey!” He grins. “Wasn’t expecting you.” He engulfs you. And that’s the thing about Luke, how you knew he wasn’t doing anything wrong, other than not telling you. He’d be different if there was something to hide.

“Clearly.” You mumble against him. “Hey Sierra.” You greet when he lets you go.

“Hey.” She gives you a small wave. She still blames you for their break up, though it’d been all Luke and years since it happened. “Im gonna go Luke, thank you again for this week.” She smiles.

“Oh, of course!” He grins, hugging her. “Think we got some great stuff.”

“Yeah for sure, you have a way of pulling it out of me.” She grins.

“Come on Ms. P.” You grab your wine and your phone and go out back.

Luke’s next to you quicker than you expect. “You ok?”

“On a trip alone for a whole week with your ex?” You ask.

“It’s not that different than you working with Shawn.” He sighs, “which I was really fucking cool about walking in on him kissing you.” He reminds you.

“It’s actually very different.” You pause, Luke sets the pack of cigarettes and lighter next to your wine glass. He knew you’d fight.

He watches you light up. “Tell me how.” Is all he says, simple, he’s starting to get irritated, but he just wants your rationale for now.

“I don’t have history with Shawn. I’ve never slept with Shawn. You spent years as her boyfriend, as the man she thought she’d marry. You’ve told her you love her and meant it romantically. So yeah, it’s different.” You inhale and let the smoke billow out.

“Ok, I hear you. But I want to point out again, that I walked in on Shawn kissing you.”

You take another drag and look over at him, giving him your smart ass smirk. “You know what I’m gonna say, just by the way you’re saying it. You’re right, he did kiss me. I didn’t kiss him back though, I didn’t encourage him, I didn’t ask him too. I didn’t want him too. And I left as soon as I could. And you know who I find out where the fuck you are from? Calum. Because Calum thought you told me. I tell you everything. But you don’t do me the same courtesy, apparently.” You take one more drag and put the cigarette out.

You grab the pack and your wine glass and go back inside, Luke’s hot on your heels. “You’re telling me you don’t talk to your ex’s and not tell me about it?” He asks.

“Luke my ex is dead! You’ve visited his grave with me. The only other ex I have is from when I was like 18, and no, I don’t talk to him. I don’t even know where to find him!” You're exasperated. “It’s fine if you are talking to her or helping her with her album. I just want to know about it! I don’t want to look like a fucking idiot, standing in front of your friends not knowing where the fuck you are or where the fuck you’ve been. That’s not fair to me.” You set the wine glass down, because you’re on the verge of throwing something. “Like, come the fuck on Luke! I couldn’t have been more all over you in Toronto, we both know shits been strained but we needed that and I thought we were heading back in the right direction when you left, but you can’t even do me the courtesy of telling me your working with your ex.” Tears spill over, you're hurt, embarrassed, angry. You quickly wipe your eyes, and then head to your bedroom and slam the door.

Luke’s fist hits it once, “babe. Come on.” He calls through the door.

“Fuck off Luke.” You cry.

When you come out, 4 hours later, Luke’s sitting at the bottom of the stairs, holding a beer. You sit next to him, “I’m sorry. I should have told you.” He says quietly.

“You should have.” You agree.

“I was so… upset about you working with Shawn. I felt like I needed to get back at you, but you’re right, you going to work with Shawn, is nothing like me going to work with Sierra. He makes advances at you and you ignore them. And honestly, I planned it before I came to see you. I figured you’d never find out. I didn’t count on you coming home early.” He explains. He’s calm and quiet, aware of what his words might do to you. “It hasn’t felt right between us lately, you know? And then you call and you need me, and more importantly you want me, you want me there. And you were hanging on so tight and i thought ‘we got this, were gonna make it.’ But, we’re unfair to each other, at best. And it’s been that way for awhile. I wish I knew why. I wish I could pinpoint when things shifted.” He looks you over.

“I know.” You nod, resting your hand on his thigh.

“I just don’t know what to do. I love you. I know you love me. Maybe we just need a break.” He shrugs.

You let out a humorless laugh. “I think the last thing we need is more time apart Luke. And what would that accomplish besides giving someone the idea that it’s ok to cheat?”

“No one said anything about cheating. But for the sake of being honest, Sierra did try a couple things. They didn’t work. I didn’t do anything with her. But it’s fair for you to be worried by it.” He sighs. “You’re right, we’re apart more than we’re together… and the guys and I leave on Tuesday for a writing trip.”

You gently grab his scruffy chin and make him look at you, you gently scratch because you know he loves the way that feels. “I know, that’s another reason I wanted to come home early. Spend some time with you.” You rest your forehead to his and press a gentle kiss to his lips.

“Then what was the main reason?” He asks.

“I needed to get away from Shawn.” You let out a little laugh and it makes Luke grin. “But I just needed to be with you.”

Luke sets his beer down and pulls you into him, squeezing you tight in his arms. “I can’t believe Shawn was standing in front of you shirtless and you still chose me.” He jokes.

“If I was going for body, I woulda gone for Cal.” You smirk up at him. “But no, I just went for goofy, clunky Luke.” He rolls his eyes. “But you’re sweet, and you’re funny and you love with your entire being. So six feet of that is better than any perfectly in shape body, in my opinion.”

“You’re always too sweet to me.”

You shrug, “because I love you. I want to spend my time with you.”

“We’ll get through this?”

“I think so.” You nod. “Gotta be honest with me  though.”

“Always.” He agrees.

Waiting for Luke to get home after the guys writing trip was horrible, and of course he’d let you know that they wanted to go out for a few drinks after and he wanted you to come too.

So that little black dress with the lace inlays that Luke couldn’t resist was making an appearance.

He comes in and drops his bag and jumps in the shower, you take that chance to brush your teeth and finish your makeup while standing in your underwear.

Luke’s out of the shower quickly and comes up behind you, grabbing your tits over your bra. “Lace hmm? Maybe we should stay in tonight.” He says quietly, lips pressed against your skin.

“I’ve already done my hair and makeup, we’re going out.” You chuckle.

“Fine.” He grumps, gently biting your shoulder.

He heads into the closet to get dressed and you pull the dress on, joining him in the closet to get the Louboutins he’d gotten you for Christmas.

“Baby, are you kidding me?” He asks, looking you over once you’ve pulled them on.

“What, love?” You ask, feigning innocence.

“That dress and the red bottoms? You trying to kill me?” He’s doing up the buttons on the black shirt he put on.

You cross the space to him. “Just a reminder that there’s something else you could be doing. Maybe make it a short night.” You quirk your eyebrow, peck his lips and turn and walk away.

“Oh yeah baby, keep swinging those hips.” He calls, the frustration evident.

Ashton and Calum are already there, drinks in hand when you and Luke get there. Michael is nowhere to be seen, but you aren’t that surprised.

Cal greets you, one armed hug and a kiss on the cheek, “that dress and red bottoms? What’s he apologizing for?” He jokes.

“Nothing… yet. But if he doesn’t take me home and to bed soon, then he’ll be sorry.” You wink.

“I told him he’d want to be at home tonight, but he never listens.” He chuckles.

“Why should he?” You laugh.

Ash stops and hugs you and then Luke is handing you a drink. “Two drinks baby.” He promises.

But you’re still there after four. So you get up to get another drink and Luke happily offers you his lap when you return and one of their friends has sat in your seat. You sit on one of this thighs and your legs fall between his, so you can still talk with the group. He grips your hip.

“Babe. You promised two.” You whine in his ear, gently rubbing your hand over his cock..

He grips your hip a little tighter, “Play fair.” He whispers against your lips.

After he pulls away you mumble, “you have no idea how unfair i’m gonna make it.”

“What was that?” He asks, turning his attention back to you.

“I need to go to the bathroom.” You shrug.

“I’ll go with you.” He says, his hand rests on your ass as you head to the bathroom, he only pulls away when you have to split.

He’s resting against the wall when you come out, he holds his arms out, indicating he wants you against him, he pulls you in. “Can you hold something for me?” You ask.

“F’course.” He mumbles against your lips. You pull away slightly, he holds out his hand and you drop your panties in it. It only takes him a second to realize what it is, and you quickly peck his lips and push away. “What the fuck, babe? We’re leaving. I’m going to say my goodbyes.” He catches up and grabs at your waist. “You’re  naughty. I said play fair.”

“You also said two drinks.” You smirk. “Love you Luke.” You wink.

“You’re right. I’m closing the tab.” He nods. You all wish everyone a goodnight. Luke’s fingers keep playing at the the hem of the dress, and they are immediately between your thighs once you get in the Uber. “You missed me?” He asks, nibbling your ear.

“You know I did.” You grin, turning your head into his for a kiss. You push at his wrist, “this can wait till we get home.” You whisper, biting his lip.

“No baby, it can’t. We were in that club and you put your panties in my hand. That’s saying something.” He whispers back. He uses a lot of teeth in the next kiss, nipping your lip, pulling it and then moving along your jaw, and down your neck, sucking a hickey as he went. You bite your lip and let out a little moan and the driver clears his throat. “Sorry.” Luke mumbles, keeping his fingers on your clit as he pulls away and looks out the other window. You’re thankful that you are seated behind the driver, and it’s dark, so he has no idea what Luke is doing.

You cover your mouth with your hand. Luke looks over at your action and he smirks, but he keeps it up.

Luke’s fingers go straight into his mouth after he helps you out of the car. He pushes the front door closed behind you and then his lips are on yours. You’re pretty sure he pushes you against every wall between the front door and your bedroom, and just outside of the door, he pulls the dress up over your hips, hits the light switch, turning them on, and drops to his knees. “So pretty and wet.” He grins, he takes the first lick, “so sweet baby, so inviting.”

You look down at Luke, holding his curls between your fingers, his blue eyes so mesmerizing while he eats you out. You close your eyes and let your head fall back, “no baby, look at me.” He murmurs into your folds. He knows you're done for, he can have you however he wants you at this point.

“Please Luke.” You whimper.

“You wanna cum on my tongue or you wanna ride me?” He asks, gripping your thighs tight in his large hands, and pulling his face away.

“Don’t care, whatever you want.” You nod at him.

“Whatever i Want?” He asks, getting to his feet. “Want you all over my cock.” He nods back at you.

“Yes, please babe.” You whine.

Luke presses himself against you, grinding his hips against yours while kissing you hard. “Up.” He says, pressing your mouths together, letting you taste yourself. You jump a little and wrap your legs around his waist. He carries you a couple feet into the room and then clothes are coming off.

He’s got you in front of him in just your heals, and he’s stark naked, hard cock in his hand. He slowly strokes it. “I just wanna fuck the hell outta you in those red bottoms.” He groans. He didn’t care for them on a single other woman, you’d tried to see if it was the shoe or you. It was definitely just you in the shoe. Luke liked you in expensive things, it was a huge turn on for him. So your lingerie was expensive, and your jewelry… any wearable gifts he got you. “Take em off.” He decides. Once you step down out of them he lets go of his cock, it slaps up against his stomach with a small noise. Both his hands are on your waist as he spins you around so he’s backing up against the bed, he lays back on it and pulls you on top of him. “C’mon baby, fuck me.” He groans, you grab his cock and sink down on it.

“Oh… fuck.” You whimper. Luke’s hands rest at your waist while you adjust to him. Your hands stay on his chest while you work yourself up and down on his cock, building a rhythm.

“Oh that’s it pretty girl… make those tits bounce for  me.” He moans. And it causes you to whimper, you love Luke’s moans and you love his dirty talk even more. He keeps it up while you ride him hard.

The first time he’d ever talked dirty to you, you were out at a club together with some friends and he was in your ear all night about how good you looked and how he couldn’t wait to get you home and fuck you, have you naked on him and begging him to make you cum.

You were so worked up by the time he got you home, you could barely stand it. He pulled your panties down and you were dripping for hm. He loved it.

Luke pushes himself up and pulls you close, you’re working hard to make sure this lasts and feels amazing for both of you and he can see you’re tired. The dirty talk stops, his lips now press to every inch of skin they can reach while you work together. The urgentness is gone for both of you.

“C’mon my love.” He says quietly, with his lips to yours, “let me.” He gently lays you back, keeping you as close as humanly possible. It’s slow, his hips working against yours. The moans are so soft, and they get lost between kisses and the two of you quietly saying each other’s names. You bite his lip and dig your nails into his back as you cum around him. He gives his final few thrusts and then his cheek is pressed to your chest as you guys try to catch your breath. “I love you.” He whispers, lips ghosting over the side of your breast.

You thread your fingers in his hair and gently tug it so he’ll look at you, “love you Luke.” You whisper back.

“Shower?” He asks, hand coming up to rest on your shoulder.

“Yeah.” You nod.

He’s gentle, pulling out slowly, “c’mere.” He whispers, pulling you close and into the en suite.

Being wrapped up in Luke is the best feeling. He’s so tall and broad, and he loves having you close, so it’s easy to tuck yourself into him. Your legs are tangled together, face pressed to his chest. His arm is wrapped around your back, hand on your hip, and he’s using the fingers of his other hand to play with the ends of your hair. You wiggle yourself closer to him and he laughs. “Always wanna be closer.”

“I cannot be close enough to you.” You giggle.

“That’s ok, you’re never close enough.” He kisses the top of your head and you both drift to sleep.

You wake up with the urge to pee, not uncommon. So you work yourself out of Luke’s grip.

“Si, baby, stop. That tickles.” He groans, half awake.

You stop dead in your tracks. You don’t say anything but carefully slip off the bed. You grab a t shirt and leggings from the dresser in the closet and move on to the bathroom.

You don’t bother to get back in bed. You didn’t want to. You didn’t want to be with Luke if he thought he was with Sierra, and you couldn’t even fathom why he’d think that… unless something happened with her.

Taglist: @cocktail-calum @1dthewantedlove @september09241994 @youngblood199456 @lustingforwunder @calumsphile @neso-k @rosecoloredash @radmcqueen @justayoungandwisefangirl @itsnotmyblood @slimthicccal @softboycal @lietoash @pushthetide21 @5sosfanficrec @pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles @therealmrshale​

gc tags: @sublimehood​ @sugarcoated-pain​ @5sosnsfw​ @angelbabylu​ @aspiringwildfire​ @irwinkitten​ @lashtoncurls​ @myloverboyash​ @singt0mecalum​

masterlist || ashton || calum || luke || michael

wanna be tagged? go here

[niamh-erin-colclough]

Covid-19: A Diabetic’s story

***(This is another online story I have written for my portfolio on the current situation we are in. I used this as a blog post also for my other blog site. This is one of my favourites.)***

This was not how I expected to be spending my spring and summer to say the least. Feels like yesterday that I was off to meet my friends, hugging them, having fun and planning all the amazing things we were going to do together that summer… taking every laugh for granted.

I’m 20 years old, and I look and feel healthier than ever, however this is not the case for me. I have type 1 diabetes. My diabetes has never really caused me too many major problems, I’ve had my ups and downs over the years with it, as any diabetic will know, its a bitch… but it has never truly effected me until now. Physically, mentally and emotionally since this outbreak I have been drained.

Since the day I was diagnosed my mom has always told me:

“Diabetes lives with you my darling, you don’t live with it.”

I always listened to this, I never allowed myself to let an illness that was out of my control, take over my life and stop me from doing the things i want to do. And even though over the years I have been in some scary situations due to my lack of care (being diagnosed as a teenager it was hard at first to accept that i was going to have to live with this for the rest of my life) but never have I been as scared as I am now…

Covid-19 is scary for everyone to say the least, the world hasn’t faced this kind of epidemic for years, and never have i experienced anything even remotely similar to this in my 20 years on the planet. As a young woman everybody keeps telling me “you’ll be fine, you’re young, you’re fit and healthy!” little do they know that I suffer with a long term health condition that has changed my immune system immensely. At the start of this whole debacle, I tried so hard not to worry myself, this was until I saw an article online about who will be most effected by the virus. Being a journalist and having a thirst to know everything about everything I clicked on the article, something i now wish I never did.

“The people most at risk of fatality are the elderly, pregnant women and people with diabetes and heart conditions.” — NHS

This was the moment i became truly scared. I had felt fear before, the kind of fear when you watch a horror movie or taking off in an airplane, but this was a different kind of fear. I felt my chest tighten and my heart racing, i couldn’t catch my breath. I remember closing the article immediately and just sitting on the edge of my bed with thousands of thoughts running through my head. I looked back on the past five years on my life and how little I’d looked after myself and my diabetes, being a young women I had started to resent it and almost pretend it wasn’t there for a long period of my life. I thought about my HBA1C levels (the test they do to check your average blood sugar reading over a year) and how they had been sky high for the majority of time I’d been diagnosed. I thought about the effect this will have had on my immune system, diabetes effects your immune system even if you have it controlled perfectly…and mine was far from perfect.

But I remember the main thing that I couldn’t stop thinking about was my family. Diabetes runs in every generation of my family, my mom, my granddad, his granddad, everyone. When I thought about this I didn’t really care about what might happen to me anymore, I cared about what might happen to them.

Two days after this, and after two days of panicking in my apartment in Cardiff — self isolating already — I decided I’d rather be at home with my family through this awful time and I wanted to go back while I still had the chance. I never really know why it is, maybe because I’m a journalist or maybe just because of who I am as a person and have been raised to be, but I’m a realist, I see things for how they are and even though at this point bars, clubs, restaurants where still open, and people were still living their normal lives, I somewhat knew how serious this was quickly going to turn.

Due to my diabetes, me and my family decided to start self isolating anyway, leaving the house as little as possible to protect ourselves. This was scary in itself and all of my friends where still out and about living their normal lives. I felt like screaming “WHY IS NO ONE TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY!!” I couldn’t get over how selfish some people where being, my friends would say to me “well I’m young, its not going to effect me.” What about the other people it will effect? What about me?!

As things rapidly declined so did I, mentally and emotionally I was becoming drained. The constant worry and fear was giving me extreme anxiety and ultimately this was messing up my diabetes even more than usual. My mom had to start ordering mass amounts of insulin, as it wasn’t just me who used it, so did she and so did my granddad. Seeing how worried she was for me broke my heart, and for some reason — even though I knew it wasn’t my fault — I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt that there was this added stress that I was causing because they love and care about me so much.

I had to stop thinking this way though, I suffer with clinical depression and I can easily slip into a very dark place if I’m not careful. I had to make sure this wouldn’t happen, I had just managed to pull myself out of a dark episode and refused to go back to that place again. I was told because of my diabetes that I would have to stay in isolation for at least 3 months, and being someone who suffers with mental health issues the idea of this terrified me more than the idea of getting unwell with the virus itself. So I started to force myself to change my mind set. Instead of being worried all the time and thinking about the awful, scary things that could happen to me and my family, i started changing these thoughts to remembering how lucky and blessed I actually am… Every morning I started to count my blessings instead of my afflictions:

№1 — I’m home, with my wonderful parents who love me more than life itself

№2 — I have a beautiful home, with lots of space and lots of love in it.

№3 — I have a dad who would do absolutely anything to make sure I’m happy, not only during this awful time but in life in general.

№4 — I have a mom who I am so close to, so close that I can tell her anything. Anyway Im feeling she is there for me.

№5 — The most important… Im alive. I have a roof over my head, Im still waking up every morning with air in my lungs and blood in my veins… I’m alive.

I started speaking these to myself in the mirror every morning, to cope with my anxiety and dark thoughts. I could sit here and end this blog post by saying that its worked miraculously and that I have no horrible thoughts anymore and everything is fine, but that would be a lie. I still wake up in the middle of the night panicking, I still cry randomly throughout the day -sometimes more than once- when things get to much, I still worry myself sick, but I also now am reminded of just how lucky I still actually am. There are some people out there at the moment who have hardly any hope at all, who aren’t as lucky as me to have a wonderful loving family and a beautiful home to go through this traumatic time in. And sometimes i have to step back, wake up and smell the coffee.

I will get through this, my family will get through this, we will all get through this.

“Diabetes lives with you my darling, you don’t live with it.” — Wendy Colclough

[anuncertainnewkink]

My Kitten

I never know how to start these things so, Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away but not actually in another galaxy cuz how would we know what happened we haven’t developed inter galactic space travel but I digress. My name is Christopher or that’s what my wife calls me, says she likes the way it rolls off her tongue. When a woman with an oral fixation and a tongue piercing says she likes the way your full name rolls off her tongue you damn well go by that name from then on and be glad she didn’t like calling you bo-bo the clown. My wife Tiffany and I have vary different jobs that keep us away from home and our schedules don’t match up as much as we’d like. I’m a pilot and she’s a doctor if you want to be vague. After 2 months of us being apart I was going to have 5 days off but my luck she had a medical conference to attend. Well I’m a romantic and I missed my wife so I hatched a plan.

I arranged it so that my last flight of the week ended me in Miami where the conference was. I didn’t tell her I was going to surprise her, little did I know I’d get the surprise. When I landed I changed into a tailored black 3 piece suit she had got me black pants, black coat and vest red bottom up shirt. She’s a smart woman when I got in that suit I felt powerful as hell. The whole 20 minute trip to the hotel she was staying at I felt like my heart was in my ears. I had been texting her and she confirmed she was in the hotel bar. Ok so I knew where to go once I got there.

I walked into the lobby and quickly found the bar, I found a place with a good view of everywhere. I wanted her to casually notice me and come up to me. It wasn’t crowded but there were about 30 people in the bar. So it didn’t take long to check and recheck all the faces and notice that she wasn’t in the bar. I text her asking how her bar experience was going she told me that it was quiet. It was “soooo relaxing” I got a hint of sexual innuendo. She may have been drinking but it weren’t here. 20 minutes later my spot having a clear view to the elevators I noticed a drop dead gorgeous woman walk out of the elevator. 5’1” curvy hour glass figure fierce eye liner making her eyes dark pools that just kind of suck you in, a knee length black dress, low cut not to much to be slutty but enough to make men want to stare but not wanna get caught. A full tattoo sleeve on her right arm. She was a man eater I knew right away, top it off with a wedding ring and black heals framing her valuptuous legs I could only imagine what she was here to do. As she walked out of the elevator a man smacked her ass she turned around as they went separate ways and she gave him a naughty lip bite as they walked away from eachother. forget my wife I had to have this... this creature, this sexually charged goddess. By now I figured out why if not where my wife was if she was off having fun why shouldn’t I?

Stealing my courage I downed a glass of whisky and decided to walk over to her before my brain could sober and talk me out of it. She was sitting alone at the bar like a woman does that’s waiting for a man to pick her up. Back ever so slightly arched showing off her boobs and ass at the same time. I came up to her from behind. Putting my left hand on her hip and my right hand on her hand showing my inked up forearm (women tend to like seeing ink) I whispered in here ear “what would it take for a guy like me to leave here with a lady like you?” She let out a combination of a gasp and a moan, weather by my words, my touch, or my hot breath on her neck I don’t know but something I did was right. She turned to face me eyeing me up and down, licking her bottom lip she told me in a cocky tone “im all yours, for the right price.” My eyes went wide for a brief second, a reaction I hope I was doing well to hide. “You’re a pro?” I said stunned. “By night I am, here at least.” She made is sound so innocent. Glancing at her wedding ring I asked “what about your husband?”. “Oh he travels for business so a girl needs to have her fun, plus why would I bother him with my side business. I love him not them.” I stood semi shocked but it’s like having a side job that you enjoy in a way so who was I to judge. She glanced down “so what’s a married man doing talking to a “pro” I think is what you called me?” “I was going to meet my wife here but She seems to have misplaced herself, I suspect in another guys room.” I said matter of fact. I didn’t want her thinking I was a sleeze ball. I enjoyed being next to her I didn’t want her to walk away. “Mmm” she said with a bit of reservation, “revenge is a dangerous game for 1 let alone 2 married people to play in.” She said turning to go “NO!” I said pulling her close “you’ve got it wrong I’m not talking to you for revenge, I’m talking to you because of 3 dozen people in this room you’re the only one that catches my eye.” I told her with which was I’m sure pleading in my eyes. She seemed like she wanted to go still so I pressed “being this close to you is driving me crazy, please no promises for anything after. won’t you just have a drink with me?” Her eyes kind of lit up, she smiled and I melted a little inside. “I’m Christopher by the way.” I reached out “Kat” she replied shaking my hand.

She sat back down and I got us new drinks and we talked for a couple hours, the whole time I had my arm around the small of her back us both leaned into eachother. We said it was to hear eachother which we both knew was a bad excuse in a half empty bar. I started abcent mindedly tracing shapes or just gently rubbing her thigh before she looked down and back up to me and bit her lip, I glanced down was horrified at first for not realizing what I was doing, then when I realized lip biting wasn’t a bad thing I continued and got even more bold. After the first hour I was torn between wanting to have her and wanting to keep talking after two hours I didn’t want to leave the bar. Watching her lips move as she talked to me, wanting to kiss them so horribly bad. Her cheeks as she smiled at me, the eyes that seemed every color at once. She was captivating I didn’t wanna take my eyes off of her for a second even if it was to go up to her room, being as I didn’t have one yet.

Alas all good things must come to an end... or so they say. The bar called last call and before our drinks went dry I got up the courage to ask her if I could go back to her room explaining I didn’t have a room and didn’t know it was a grand idea to go to my wife’s room uninvited. She looked at me but slowly got a cheeky grin on her face and told me “yes, but it’ll cost you” “how much?” I said kind of taken aback. “500 for the room, another 500 if you wanna get lucky daddy” the last part she said as a whisper in my ear as she slid off the stool brushed past me and walked for the elevator gently pulling my hand with her. $1000 I had a devilish grin when I though “what would my wife say.” I watched her plump ass as we walked to the elevator. Their could have been a dancing purple elephant in the lobby and I wouldn’t have known I was so fixated on her ass. When we got into the elevator we were alone, I decided to lean in for a kiss but she put her finger against my lips and “nuh uh uh, not yet” so I waited in utter frustration till we got to her room.

She opened the door and walked in ahead of me. “Forgive the mess I had another client before we met, wasn’t expecting to work a double tonight.” She said with a sly wink. Damn she was naughty. “Money first.” She said in a cold manner. Taking out my wallet I put the $1000 down, I had gotten money out for Tiffany and I to do something special tonight. “Shit wasn’t expecting this” I thought as the money hit the night stand. As soon as it did she transformed into a little sex kitten. The air around her changed and I couldn’t feel more drawn to her if I was pulled by a truck. I pinned her against a wall wrapping one arm around her waist and my right hand holding the back of her neck I kissed her and the fireworks flew! The world went black and it was just her and I in a void. Before I knew it we were against the bed my shirt was undone and her cocktail dress was coming up over her head. As it covered her head and arms I held her so she couldn’t take it all the way off. I bit her neck leaving my mark, telling the world least for tonight that “she’s mine” I heard her moan as I did, that made me want to do it again but I’m paying for the night so I might as well pace myself. Under her dress she had a black unlined bra showing off her pierced nipples, drove me fucking wild, a black garter belt with black thigh high leggings and no panties to be found. This woman was made for her night job. We threw her dress aside and I took off her bra, I had to get my mouth on her tits. The metal was warm in my mouth, I must have not notice I’d been making her so hot before we came up here. Kat pulled my head close and pulled my hair to manipulate my mouth on her skin. Once I had played with both nipples (symmetry is key) she pushed me down on the bed and removed my shirt. She moved her hands across my chest which drove me crazy when Tiffany did it but now that I’m watching Kats hands move across my chest watching her wedding ring move atop my nipple my mind went to mush.

Somewhere along the way she had undone my pants and started sucking my cock, slowly. Like she was teasing me. I love being teased but I needed her on me riding me, I took a breath cuz again I had to remember I payed for the night, take your time Chris. I did however pick her up and get her thighs to straddle my face in a 69 position. My mouth had been watering all night thinking of tasting her even after I found out she was moonlighting as an escort. Her pussy was wet and tasted like it should. I could even taste her lovers cum drip across my tongue from time to time, I almost came right then and there. She was so good at sucking my cock I had so hold on to her waist and almost put my mouth on auto pilot otherwise I’d not have been able to last long. After 5 minutes she came in my mouth, she made a halfhearted attempt to keep sucking my dick through the gasps but I flipped her on her back and got in between her legs. After I was fully in her she pulled me down and kissed me, deeply and lovingly. The next hour was more love making than Fucking and I was ok with that. I could hardly think but to this day I can still picture her figure as I fucked her from behind, her ankles in the air as I thrust into her as she was on her back. The look on her face as she came so hard riding me that she said she saw stars. What broke the flow was that every night before they went to bed I’d call my wife and kids so say goodnight so when my phone went off Kat asked “should you get that?” “Nah I’m pretty sure I know who it is, it’s ok” For the home stretch we had picked up the pace and were hard animalistic fucking when she said “give your slut your cum daddy” and hearing this slut call me daddy, and telling me to cum in her, sent me over the edge and in the moment it was the best choice I had ever made to cum in her. We lay down next to eachother gasping. I’m pretty sure we actually fell asleep next to eachother for a few mins. Then my phone went off again. So I covered her up and answered the FaceTime call. Our children were in their pajamas and we all smiled we told them good night and that we’d call them in their morning since they weren’t on the same time zone as us.

After we said goodnight I looked over at her and said “Kat?” She looked at me and said “well you call me kitten so it’s kinda my escort alter ego” innocently. God her being innocent about how naughty she was drove me crazy. “What made you decide to play along?” I asked “when I got out of the elevator with Cory I felt you in the room, I didn’t know where you were but I knew you were there and knew you’d find me but once he smacked my ass I knew I had been caught, so when I felt you behind me and feeling how warm you were to me I knew you weren’t mad and that it was gonna be an amazing night if I said fucking it and just went with it.”

It was an amazing night. I asked her how long she’d been working as an escort. “This is only the second...ish trip I’ve done it, I only do it on these trips so please don’t think this is a thing when we’re home except for what you already know about baby.” Her eyes kind of went wide explaining it to me and I realized she was starting to over think why I asked. I pulled her close in bed and kissed her deeply her tense body relaxed in my arms. Our kiss broke and I told her “baby it’s ok I’m not mad but thank you for telling me you don’t do this at home though, hadn’t thought to ask that yet.” “I know my daddy.” She said with a wink. Mmmm my cocky little slut. “So how did this start?”

“ well three months ago...” “wait 3?” She goes on a trip about every month. “I thought you said 2 trips or months?” “ I said 2-ish, this is the ish. Now hush and listen baby.” “Yes ma’am.”. She went on to tell me about how the group she normally hangs out with we’re drunk one night and one of the single girls picked up a guy that unbeknownst to most everyone else in the group was also apart of the conference. Upon finishing up the man mistook the girl for an escort and left money on the night stand “how he judged how much to give, id still really like to know” she told me as she recounted the story. While the girl was puzzled as to why he just put money down he quickly left before she could correct him. The next day while recounting the story to the others they could see how a married man being picked up at a hotel bar could think that. The bigger question was why was she surprised. But that night was a blow out party and all the drinks were on him, so to speak. That night, something clicked in Tiffany’s mind that night. Why are we funding our own fun on these trip? Half the girls were single the other half flirt enough that going the extra mile wouldn’t be out of the question. What if we do become escorts just for the group of people that come to these dreaded conferences... “and the rest is history as they say.”

I was kind of blown away my wife was the queen pin of an escort ring. She looked over at me again the pleading reassurance in her eyes “are you sure you’re not mad at me?” She asked. “Not at all baby.” I smiled and barried my face in the nape of her neck kissing and sucking and biting. Upon bitting she moans out “no marks.” I groan in frustration as I beat back my primal side that wants to leave my mark on her perfect body. I settle for causing her chills from my lips on her neck. She grinds her hips into me her pussy still warm and vary wet caresses my cock and brings him back to life. That night we make love as ourselves this time. Before falling asleep.

We woke as there was a knock on the door. Tiffany got up to answer it in a robe. It was her friend Stacy. Tiffany opened the door and stays was taken aback “well I was here to pick you up but I can see you’re not ready” She said as she looks her up and down. “I’m playing hookie today” “what? You never play hookie?” As I turned my head away Stacy noticed me. A knowing look came across her face with the smirk to boot. “How much is this one paying you?” “This one bought me a house.” She said with a wink as she closed the door. She dropped the robe as she climbed in bed with me. She kissed up my back to my cheek making me roll over to be able to kiss her properly. I wrapped my arms around her and held her like I’d never want to let go. Once our kiss broke and my head cleared because damn that spark when we kiss sometimes, wow. “So you have me to yourself all day what do you want to do today?” She asked me with a child like excited bounce in her voice. “I don’t know I spent a lot of money on booze and an escort last night” I told her smirking. “Well just so happens I made a few thousand dollars last night so let me spoil you daddy.” She said with pouty lips as she leaned in for another kiss. “Wait a second a few? How many did y-“ she cut me off with a giggle and a finger to my lips. “Hehe relax baby it was just you and Cory lastnight.” “But...” slipped out. “I gave you the family discount.” She said still obviously amused her own husband payed to have sex with her. Once the realization sunk in that a guy had payed $2000 for a couple hours with my wife, I was filled with a substantial amount of unexpected pride in her. She is damn good in bed.

[theres-no-paradise]

Sorry not Sorry

Chapter 10

Summary:  A random number wakes you up early on a Saturday morning. But it doesn’t stop there. The stranger keeps on sending messages, and you have no idea what is happening, when you start to develop feelings for the unknown person.

Pairings: Tom Holland  x Reader [submit your name: How it works]

Y/N your Name Y/F your Friend

Word Count:  2289

Warnings: none (just a little use of alcohol and making out but thats it lol)

A/N: THERE MIGHT BE MAJOR GRAMMAR MISTAKES - please tell me if you find them, I’m a little tired. You are also allowed to dislike me for waiting so long. I deserve it I guess. But motivation lost me and then I’ve been hella busy and kinda didn’t find my way back to this ff. But here we are with a new chapter. I wanted it to be a little longer BUT the stuff that happens after this chapter would kinda break the mood of this one. Also I’m sorry what I made you do in this one. Don’t be offended. :’D I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 1  •  Chapter 2  •  Chapter 3  •  Chapter 4  •  Chapter 5  •  Chapter 6  •  Chapter 7  •  Chapter 8 • Chapter 9 

The Spiderman: What’s going on in London town?

 You: Not much. Im going out with Y/F

The Spiderman: Oh, fun night out!!

You: More like: She’s getting wasted and I’m being a babysitter

The Spiderman: Sounds a little like Haz…

You: lol we should hook them up

The Spiderman: absolutely haha

You: How’s work?

The Spiderman: Exhausting but fun! We’re on a little break now.

You: Don’t overwork Mr. Holland

The Spiderman: I’ll do my best 

You: Good. I gotta go now. Y/F just arrived ttyl 

The Spiderman: text me when you get home so I know you’re safe.

You: I try not to forget!

The Spiderman: You better do

Going to clubs with your friend happened quite frequently the past few weeks. Usually you were the person to stay in but dancing was quite fun and as long as your friend wouldn't get extremely wasted, you had a good time nonetheless.

One evening you were sitting in your favourite pub, having some beers before the actual night out. It was a nice and relaxing atmosphere but that would change soon once the partygoers would get their pre-drinks.

“Did you know that Tom and Zendaya are a thing?”, Y/F suddenly asked, throwing you off from your previous topic about work. “Huh? What do you mean?”

“It’s been on the internet for a while now”

“So? I’ve known him already when the rumours spread. He would've told me”, you countered.

“Not sure. He’s an actor after all. If he doesn't want it to be public-”

“I don't believe in these rumours”

“He even flies to LA regularly”

“Yeah… He’s an actor, as you said. And in LA are all the studios, of course he flies out there.

“Just don't get too attached.”

“I won't!”

Suddenly the mood dropped and you girls had no proper topic to talk about. “Shall we head to the Club?”, you threw in and Y/F answered: “Yeah.”

 That night something happened, which you didn't plan in the first place. Something, you wouldn't even think of planning any day. Y/F’s words still repeated themselves in your mind and trying to get rid of them, you drank. You drank a lot and without realising it, you ended up being utterly wasted. Alone in the crowd, you danced to the loud music banging from the speakers, not caring about the people around you, moving with you. At some point, you didn't know when, a stranger approached you, but you couldn't care less, you just kept on dancing. Your vision was blurry and you only enjoyed the music. With the alcohol in your blood, you did things that you didn't mean to do. Once the guy who danced with you, put his lips on yours, you just couldn't stop. The kiss became more intense and the guy, whose name you didn't even know, dragged you out of the club.

You didn’t remember much after that.

The strong headache was the first thing that woke you up the next morning. You were disoriented, not having any idea where you were at first. The guy from last night lay still next to you so you crawled out of the bed as quiet as possible. Trying to find your clothes was a real struggle. His place was a mess and everything was laying around and it made it harder for you to find your stuff. Once you gathered all of it, you threw it all on and left the place as fast as possible, not leaving a message at all.

Sitting on the tube in the early morning, reality slowly hit you. Not only did you sleep with a guy you didn't even know, you felt like shit. Not because of the drunk accident but more because of Tom. Even though you weren’t dating, you felt regret wash over your body. Obviously a sign that it was a mistake what has happened last night. The walk of shame, after a crazy night out, became the walk of horror for you. Barely any people were on the tube, so there weren't many sneaking looks but the moment you phone started buzzing, you knew immediately what was going to happen.

The Spiderman: Guess who just landed in London.

 Nausea struck you immediately. Did he tell you before that he planned to come home? You scrolled up the whole conversation, no sign of any mention of home. Slowly gulping down that lump that has formed in your throat, you typed in the response.

 You: No way you're in London?

The Spiderman: Actually yes. It’s my mom's birthday, wanna join?

You: I don't know. I don't even know her, isnt that weird?

The Spiderman: Not at all. My mom’s easy going

You: Okay…

The Spiderman: It's gonna be at their place, 7pm. Want me to pick you up?

You: No its cool. I’ll be at the train station

The Spiderman: Can't wait!

You: See you

The Spiderman: xx

 The feeling in your guts could've been described as awful. Just some horrible, unnecessary feeling building up inside of you.

As you approached your station, you left the train and walked the long way back home. Thinking about how you’re gonna meet Tom later, not sure if you should tell him what you did.

Maybe you shouldn't tell him what happened? You were not dating anyway so is it his business to know who you slept with? Well, yes if you are romantically involved with him, but are you? You ask yourself a thousand questions, not knowing the answer for it. Asking Y/F for advice was not a good idea either, not only because she might also have a hangover, but after last night's conversation she wasn't really fond of helping you with Tom anyway.

You spent the day laying on your sofa, drinking tons of water and eating some cheeky Nandos from around the corner. You still felt awful about what has happened the night before and you even tried to think about what happened. You didn't remember a thing, only that some random guy kissed you and dragged you to his place. What happened after was a blackout. You couldn't recall anything, that has happened in his sheets and that made it even worse.

‘Maybe nothing happened and I’m overreacting’, you thought, trying to calm yourself down. Unfortunately it didn't work and you rolled around on your sofa, blanky nearly falling off of you.

Checking the clock you realized, it was getting late. You stood up quickly and pulled out some clothes. Luckily you took a shower once you came back home after the walk of shame in your neighbourhood. Now it was time for some decent clothes. You pulled out a dark jeans and a nice dark grey Sweater, which you pulled over a white shirt. It looked casual enough for a ‘parent - birthday - party’, you thought.

When you arrived at the train station, with flowers you just got earlier for his mom, you could see Tom standing on the platform with Tess, just as the last time he picked you up.

“Hey”, you greeted him, pulling him into a tight hug. “It’s been ages”, he said, once he pulled back, taking in your figure. “You look pretty”, “likewise, handsome”, you countered, smiling slightly. As you slowly walked to his parents house, you caught up on recent events which you haven't talked on the mobile.

“Oh, I got you something”, Tom said suddenly, opening his backpack and taking out a little, dark red Box. “Why do you have a bag with you?”, you wondered, as he held the little package into your direction. “Presents for mom”, he answered smiling and pulled the zipper closed. While he did that, you stared at the little box in your hands. “Open it!”, he laughed, having a very demanding tone in it.

You did as you’ve been told and once the box was open, a little beaver with way too big teeth grinned at you. It was holding a little plate in its hands, saying Montreal on it. “You got me something from Canada?”, you asked surprised. “I told you I would”, he grinned, running his hand through his hair nervously. “You didn’t have to-”, “I know, but I did”, Tom countered and smiled. You thanked him and suddenly that terrible feeling in your stomach was back, signalling you of the mistake you made last night. Should you tell him or keep it to yourself? You weren't sure and the worst about this situation was: Your friends words still lingered in your mind, waiting to be spoken out.

 Nikki’s Party was better, than you originally imagined. Of course, there were many people that were a lot older than you but Tom and his brothers had been great hosts. They hung out with you, joked around and played silly games. Of course, there was some alcohol too but you tried to keep it to a minimum. A wine here and there maybe. After a few hours, around two in the morning, Tom decided that it was time to go home. You said your goodbyes to the family and friends and left with the Actor. “I’ll check if there's a bus coming”, you said, trying to figure out the app on your phone that had all the details in it.

“Leave it. I’m not gonna let you drive home at this time of the night.” “I’m not a child, Tom”, you said sternly, as you scrolled with your finger on the display. Tom just pulled your phone out of your hands and walked away with it. Leaving you stunned for a second. “Hey!”, you shouted after him and followed his figure, but he decided to take up the pace and ran away. “You son of a-”, you didn't say it out loud but sprinted after him as fast as you could, only to accept the fact, that this spider boy was way faster than you. As you arrived in front of his door, holding your sides because of having the stitches, he grinned at you, giving back the mobile device.

“You’re staying here, I dont want someone to kidnap you”, Tom explained, as he opened his door and let you walk in. Annoyed at his behaviour, you walked in and got rid of your shoes, walking to the living room. Sitting down on the couch, you looked around. Nothing has changed since the last time. A little more merch here and there (Obviously Spiderman Stuff duh) but other than that, same old living room.

Tom came over with two beers in his hand, joining you on the sofa. The night wasn’t over yet, you knew that. It basically just started for you too, but hoped to not get as drunk as the night before. As time went by, you kept talking with Tom about all the things, that annoyed you at work the past few weeks. And even he’d complain about certain days, when nothing would've worked for him at all. Just as you were telling him about some differences with your best friend, you didn't mention what she said. Just that you wouldn't agree with her opinion. Tom listened closely but laid down on the sofa, his head resting on your lap. You felt your cheeks heat up a little at this sudden change of position but kept on telling him all the things. When you finished complaining, a warm feeling in your stomach grew, pushing aside all the negativity from the day.

“Can I kiss you?”

 Well, that was unexpected. And even worse, it came out of your mouth. Tom only giggled slightly at your outburst, which made you insecure, so you tried to save the situation. “I’m so sorry, that was rude. It's the alcohol and I know that you have a girlfriend and-” you stopped suddenly when Tom shifted positions and sat across from you again. “Why would you think that?”, he asked, voice filled with concern.

“Uhm, the internet is all over with it?”

“Z? We’re friends! She’s like family to me”, Tom explained, a serious expression on his face while he looked at you. “Really?”, your voice wasn't more than a whisper. “Positive. So… Didn't you want to kiss me?”, Tom joked, a smug expression on his face. Oh this boy definitely had a drink too much tonight, you could tell.

You really wanted to kiss him though, but something kept you back and as you were struggling to find the courage, Tom took the opportunity and kissed you first instead. Usually a kiss like that would end after a moment, checking each others reactions out but this wasn't the case. The innocent kiss became an endless make out session which lasted more than just a few minutes.

At some point your mind started to scream, telling you to stop, which unfortunately lead to an end of this wonderful experience.

“I slept with someone”, you blurted out as Tom was trying to recollect his thoughts. It took him a little to think about your words but then, to your surprise, he just shook it off. “Yeah, I guess that happens when your single”

“I didn't mean to though. It felt wrong”

“Why?”

“Because of you, I guess”

There was tension in the air and the sudden silence felt heavy on your shoulders. Was he mad?

“I admit, I’m a little jealous that someone else got a taste of that sweet bum of yours”, Oh alcohol, you thought but couldn't help and laugh at his words. “We surely can change that”, were your last words, before you kissed Tom again with a big smile on your lips.

The enormous guilt you were struggling about was over for now, and you let your thoughts spin back to Tom and his lips.

Taglist:   @hollandorks  @hollywoodgonzalez @ilivefortomholland @casualprincess77 @agirlwithpointlessideas @isabellamozarella03 @MENDES-HOLLAND @thiswildfire @wastedheartnat @hollandbaby @moonofmy-life @smileylaurens @random-fandom-lady @heartoftheadventure @blackazkaban @augurydemon @homecomjng @punkass-potato @unfoldingdaydreams @thefriendlyneighborhoodspidey @rivedale @tiffanypooh@claraholland @tohollandback @letsmcflytobritain

[dovechim]

After a hectic week I can finally sit down and dedicate the next hour or so to continue my story because I really want to get to the part which I'd like to hear your opinion - and everyone else's - about!! ☆ Long Story Anon

So we kept messaging for the following days, both busy with our respective classes; but before I knew it and I can't say I was surprised, he invited me to do something again less than a week later. We're from a considerably small city, there isn't much to do around here, so we had a hard time coming up with an idea. Well, he suggested to pick me up and we'd go back to his house to eat something, to which I agreed. I was with my friend and we were both jumping around from excitement ☆ 1

Needless to say my friends all loved him; they were happy that after such a long time and with such bad luck in love I finally found what seemed to be the last guy on earth who was worth more than two seconds of my life. I knew going to his house implied something more serious than making out could happen, but honestly I didn't mind if it did. In context, he lived with his little brother and parents; where we're from it's common at our age to still live at home since we've not graduated yet ☆2

But he'd mentioned during the first date that his parents were away for an anniversary holiday and his little brother was staying with the oldest one who lived in his own apartment with his fiance; meaning we had the house for ourselves. As planned he picked me up and took me there, had some food delivered and we watched terrible horror films on netflix. He'd cheesily try to put his arm around me on the couch and I'd move closer, ending up snuggled together with my heart about to burst ☆ 3

At one point both brothers and the fiance show up with some food, for some reason and that's when I knew half his family on the second date lol. But they moved upstairs quite quickly after eating and left us alone to watch the movies. Eventually he'd kiss my cheek, not-so-subtly letting me know he wanted to KISS-kiss me, but me being the nervous little shit I am didn't really know what to do. It'd been two whole years since I even attempted to make out with someone!! ☆ 4

So he had to move even closer and he said, which I'll never forget: "you're so shy", which I wasn't surprised about, it's not common for a 22 year old to be that reserved, I guess, but with a little bit of patience that single moment turned into the best first kiss I've ever had. I was so scared he'd be a terrible kisser, like I'd experienced before bc that's just a deal breaker for me and everything else about him was so perfect; but boy...was I wrong. We ended up making out for so long that ☆5

Our lips hurt, and he didn't even try to go too far, already noticing that I wasn't the kind of girl to tear off our clothes and start fucking (not that I didn't wish I were lol), so he just held me tight and took me home eventually. God, the memory of his kisses will never leave my mind. To this day I still get butterflies because it was the kind of kiss that makes you feel like your bodies fit together and makes your toes curl :') ☆ 6

im so soft for you and him already :”)))) it’s so sweet that he wasn't afraid of scaring you off and still went for it!! a lot of guys i know are hesitant about dating an inexperienced girl bc they’re scared they will scare her off, and once my friend asked me how he should chase after a girl who has never dated. i literally got so pissed lmao i just said “just fucking treat her like a fucking normal person!!! what are you intending to do that might scare her off???” 

We had a third date after that, about a week later. We went out to eat and it was the day he started posting instagram stories with me and tbh I was surprised. In our generation it takes more than just a couple of dates for a guy to 'announce' he's not 'single' anymore. You know, like if he had intention of seeing other girls at the same time he wouldn't be parading me around for everyone to see, which only fed my hopes of him being 'the one' even more ☆ 7

omg yes :/ the dating culture is so complicated lmao like ppl can be going out with different people at the same time and there’s a certain time after which you’re considered exclusive... it’s so tiring tbh

Another week passed and out of the blue he was asking me to meet his parents. He was very lowkey about it; he said he missed me, mentioning they'd returned from NY and asking if we could meet again that night, but "my parents would be there too, is that a problem?" lol. So I said no, obviously, even though I was shitting my pants, I'd never met a boy's parents in that context before but he seemed excited. He picked me up and we drove back to his place where they were waiting for me ☆ 8

I decided I didn't want to read too much into it back then, but still couldn't help but notice that the older borther+fiance had dropped plans to go to dinner with us so 'the whole family would be there to meet me'. Did that mean him bringing a girl home wasn't that common? Was I actually that special? As if I didn't notice myself falling fast and hard for me enough, his whole family welcomed me with huge open arms. His little brother, extroverted as they come at the age of 10 did everything ☆9

To include me in the conversations; the older brother would tell embarrassing stories. The parents, both doctors, both dating since college and pretty much the whole family (fiancee included) were some of the most welcoming people I'd ever met. They treated me like a family member from the very beginning and noticing how nervous I was they would try to make the dinner as easy going as they could. The guy in question, let's call him Jed? Would hold my hand under the table to calm me down ☆ 10

Or rub soothing circles over my the fabric of my jeans to distract me when a family member would embarrass him. I fell in love with his family as fast as I fell in love with him and I just couldn't believe I'd found someone so perfect. We'd make out until our lips were sore and he'd drop me off at home always leaving me with a feeling of sadness that I had to say goodbye. He made me so happy that I started to go out more, meeting my friends I was just in such a good mood because of him ☆ 11

no you must have been so nervous!!!!! i mean i get that he was low key but  still... parents are a big deal. i hope his intentions were rly pure and that he was that into you!! but im glad they were nice :”) 

I'd even dare to say he made me a better person in ways only I can understand. He'd text me what he was doing or who he was with every day, all the time, even if I didn't ask -which I never did. Sure, he wasn't perfect; sometimes he'd forget we had plans. I have a feeling he lied to me a couple of times but about nothing really major; sometimes he'd be in a bad mood and be sarcastic and annoying af but honestly nothing too bad. All in all I had absolutely nothing to complain about him☆ 12

It wasn't until around a month and a half into the 'relationship' that we went out for drinks and then back to his place that he tried to have sex with me (he'd waited to bring it up more than any other guy I'd ever met lol). I didn't directly tell him I was a virgin, he kinda guessed, and he was more than okay with it, even saying 'I'll wait as long as you want to'; and damn I didn't really want to wait that long, it was just that the time was never right! ☆ 13

At this point we'd both had dinner with his parents several times already. They told me in that household they'd set the habit of having dinner together every night, and were more than happy to let me into their little tradition. At more casual nights we'd sit down and watch some film on netflix, the parents and little brother always moving upstairs at the end and leaving us both alone to make out some more lol. I was even invited to his dad's birthday dinner at a fancy ass restaurant ☆ 14

this is so cute 😭 im just very ugh whenever a guy kinda hints at sex bc dude u gotta make me WANT it not just ask for it :/ but it sounds like he was super respectful!! and tbh im just very bad with other ppl’s parents, but his sounds rly perfect  😭 do such ppl even exist??? i cant even remember the last time i ate w my family :/ 

So by the third month I already felt part of that family tbh. I'd cooked alongside the mother like lifelong friends, and sat down for coffee after dinner to talk about how fast technology is moving with his dad. His little brother would tell jokes or ask me to teach him some guitar and I think they began to love me as much and as fast as I loved them, honestly. I was even invited to the dog's birthday part lmfao I was just unable to attend but was kindly provided with video memories ☆ 15

Everything was going so perfect, I think we could've lasted so much longer but maybe just the timing wasn't right. I still remember him dearly though, but back then I had my heart broken so bad that I simply wish I'd never met him. What hurt the most was growing so attached to his family and then out of the blue, and without a single chance to say goodbye I never saw any of them again. I should've known life isn't a movie or a book and nothing that starts so well can end just as happily ☆ 16

WHY ARE YOU USING PAST TENSE?????????? NO!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO SHAKEN RIGHT NOW bc this feels like that part in a book where the author’s just leading u towards that horribly devastating ending and that’s exactly what ur doing  😭

The last night I went to his house - btw we never visited MY house because MY family as much as I love them to death aren't as welcoming as his was with me, so until I knew FOR SURE this guy and I were serious, I decided to suggest activities that required not being at my place lol - the whole evening started weirdly. He'd been taking longer than usual to text me, and it was getting too late so I though we just weren't doing anything but he insisted he wanted to see me ☆ 17

And fuck, I wanted to see him to, once or twice a week just wasn't enough anymore and I missed his touch so badly. So I agreed for him to pick me up, even though he kind of strung me along for a few hours. By the time he picked me up I hadn't eaten, not knowing wth we were going to do but he said he'd had dinner before picking me up. Why would he though? He knew we had plans, which usually involved dinner, why not wait for me for eating? Either way, I'd missed him, I wasn't about to fight ☆ 18

We reached his place and his mom was already going upstairs for sleeping along with the little brother; the father was performing a surgery so we were alone at the living room together. He was a little tense and I didn't understand why, he said he was tired because he'd had class up until late and I asked if he just wanted me to leave but he asked me not to; he wanted to see me, he wanted me to stay. We cuddled on the couch and I had to wake him back up several times, growing annoyed ☆ 19

And when the dad got home he quickly got up and pretended to do something in the kitchen. The man had to eat and we had to wait for him to leave to sit back together, the whole situation was awkward af. I was wondering if I should just call a cab and leave, but he insisted not to. At around 2am (it was a friday) while making out he asked if I wanted to go up to his room, to which I said yes. He knew what that meant, so he was excited about it, going upstairs to check if his room was clear ☆ 20

Damn, I hit ask limit again :'( I'll have to leave it here right now but I swear I'll get to the point eventually lol I'm sorry!! also thank you for giving me your patience and space to tell this story, I feel like this way I can tell it without filters about what really happened or how I felt and actually receive honest unbiased opinions

omg i literally cannot believe u ended right there??????? i hate tumblr’s ask limit. im on the edge of my seat right now!!! thank you for taking the time to send me these, im so invested in ur story now its insane!! 

come back whenever you have time bb

[saibh29]

Hostage? (Part 1)

Pairing: Vane / Reader

Warnings: Violence, Blood, Swearing, Hostage (it’s gonna get dark people) 

AN: Another Vane idea popped into my head to make him suffer a bit. Enjoy people! 

@the-chosen-one-time-lord @no-other-names-availible-blog @angelaiswriting @selldraug @Angryares @thenovarose @georgiagrl1990 @punk-rock-5-sos @mindofthescattered @dontstopxx @iamabeautifulperson18 @madelinecraig03 @ka-x-in @im-hurric4ne @mesmericbell @something--awesome @weirdpotato-14 @putinontheritzz @soulslaststand @fuckthatfeeling @ember1201 @morganlb23 @aya-fay @maria-tifa @kitkatbadass @cordelia-stark-jones @tomhopperarms @fakingintrest @artprincessbree @dreamer-lover-laughter @artprincessbree @rime-warrior @captainvaneswife @jaib2-blog @kapolisradomthoughts @thingsandstuffienjoy @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @aya-fay @itsbubbaog @hp-hogwartsexpress @emmykinzs @thatbadassunicorn @sassywingednightmare

Today was meant to have been the first day of the rest of your life. A happy day, you were escaping the clutches of your fanatically puritan parents and beginning your life over again as the mistress of your own household.

However, as was usual, life had taken a very unexpected turn for you. Just this morning you had awoken on board the ship expecting today to be the day you made land and were reunited with your betrothed. The man who was saving you from your father.

Instead as you walked the deck of the ship stepping over bodies of the crew you’d gotten used to over the past few weeks you only absently managed to note that there was blood all over the bottom of your new very expensive lace dress.

It had all happened so fast that you didn’t really know what had occurred. Other than screaming and the sounds of fighting and groaning you had no idea how this had happened.

“Well well what do we have here?”

Jerking out of your daze you looked up into the face of a man who was even more covered in blood than you were. Long hair hanging around his face and a smirk on his mouth. Blue eyes staring down at you made cold shivers ripple over your skin despite the Caribbean sun beating down.

“A little bird flying around a ship like this”

“What?... Who are you?” your voice was wobbly as you took a small step backwards away from this man who was inciting such a reaction in you. “What’s happening?”

The smirk got wider as he closed the gap between the two of you once more with graceful ease. “Well sweetheart it seems we got more plunder than we bargained for upon boarding this ship”

“Plunder?” a horrible thought skittered through your brain lodging there uncomfortably. “Pirate. You’re a pirate”

“The best pirate pet” reaching out he ran a finger over the lace shoulder of your dress. “Fancy dress like this must be worth a bit of money”

More and more men were rounding up around you and this pirate, all of them wearing similar smirks and grins in relation to your current situation.

“Not as much as you want it to be”

He actually laughed at that, a gravelly sound that echoed around your chest and through your body. “Well look at that, the kitten has claws. What’s your name love?”

You didn’t know if it was wise to tell him who you were but you couldn’t think of a better option at this point. “Y/N Y/L/N”

“Pretty name” he came forward one more step, now so close that you could smell the sweat and blood coming off of his skin. “Captain Charles Vane. It’s an honour to meet you love” he waved a hand around behind him at the men surrounding you both. “This is the lovely crew of my ship, the Ranger. Of which you’ve recently become a valued guest”

Well that did not sound good. You may have been sheltered but even you had heard of the Ranger and its infamous crew of pirates. You also knew that whatever the crew of the Ranger and more specifically its Captain thought you were worth they were wrong. Your father had made it very clear when you stepped onto the ship that you were no longer his responsibility and he would have nothing more to do with you, especially not to pay a ransom to a pirate.

“You won’t get what you need off of me Captain Vane, or what you think I’m worth to you”

Vane’s arm went around your shoulders and your muscles tensed up as you were pulled along the deck of the ship to the railings where a plank was placed.

“You better hope you’re worth exactly what I think love” he whispered in your ear giving you a push as you stumbled over the plank and onto a pirate ship.

Yeah, your life was definitely not going as planned.

 *****

You weren’t sure if you were a captive or not at this point. You weren’t tied up and were free to roam around the small cabin you’d been placed in. Of course, the door to the cabin was securely locked and you weren’t going to try and leave this room.

It was a nice room, the best one on the ship. After all it was the Captains own cabin and was therefore decadent to an indecent level.

The bed covered with throws of fur skins and silks. A large wooden desk pressed against one wall with multiple papers and objects strewn about the polished oak surface. Objects that the errant captain of this ship had no doubt stolen on previous raids.

Captain Vane had dumped you here with that annoying smirk still on his face about 3 hours ago. You’d heard the ominous sound of a lock clicking in the door behind him and your heart had sunk in trepidation. You were essentially a prisoner without chains.

Your ship should already have docked by now and as you perched on the desk chair you wondered if your betrothed was worried about you. The whole ship had essentially disappeared. The port authorities would expect piracy and send out the royal navy ships, not that they would find much left. Before the Ranger had left the crew had managed to sink the remains of the vessel.

What was going to happen to you now was a question you were trying not to think about. The horrible thought of what Vane would do to you when he realised he wouldn’t get the ransom he wanted from your father and you were in fact worth nothing to him.

The lock clicking once more in the door sent you jumping to your feet and fleeing to the back wall pressing your back against the wooden wall.

Through the now open doorway Captain Vane appeared once more, he shut the door behind him leaning casually against it with arms crossed across his chest.

“Making yourself comfortable love?”

You watched him carefully, his posture was deliberately relaxed and casual but you could see the hidden tension in his muscles. You after all were very adept at reading male body language. You’d had to be living with your father.

“Do I look comfortable?” you asked him with more sarcasm than you’d thought you were brave enough to attempt. “I’m a captive on one of the most notorious pirate’s ships known around the Caribbean. Would you be comfortable?”

He laughed once again the noise rumbled around the room small cabin and threw goosebumps along your spine. Pushing off the wall he came across the room to stand directly in front of you staring down into your face.

“Come for a walk love” it wasn’t a question or a request instead he took your wrist in his grasp and yanked you forward. You stumbled along behind the captain as he pulled you from the cabin along the narrow corridor and out onto the deck of the ship.

You tried to ignore the fact that you could feel the eyes of ever crew member following the path of you and their captain as he dragged you up the stairs to the stern of the ship where the wheel was.

He pulled you in front of him pressing you against the railing and holding you there with his hands on either side of your body.

You could feel the heat from his body warming your back. “What do you want from me Captain Vane? I won’t get you the ransom you’re hoping for. I promise you that”

“I’m curious love just what you think it is I’m hoping for?”

“A ransom…money” you questioned, when you got no reply from Vane you twisted your head to look around at him. “What else could you want?”

“What else indeed” his face was incredibly close to your own as his eyes flicked down to your hand and the large diamond currently resting on your third finger. “That is a large rock sweetheart. But no wedding ring”

“Betrothed” you whispered.

“Ah young love. What a shame to keep you apart”

“I don’t love him” you didn’t know where those words had come from or why in the world you had admitted that to this pirate captain, in fact you didn’t even think you’d admitted that to yourself before. Now you’d said it though you realised it was totally true. “I don’t know him well enough to love him”

“An arranged marriage?” his voice was soft in your ear as you’d gone back to staring out across the sea into the horizon.

“No, not arranged” staring out at the sea you thought of your father’s face when you’d told him you were getting married. That you were escaping from him. You faded into silence, this was quite possible the strangest conversation you’d ever had with anyone before.

Vane’s hands moved from the railing to rest on your waist and you tensed instantly. “We’ll be making land this evening. I’m sure you’ll enjoy Nassau pet”

“Nassau? You’re taking me to Nassau?”

“Where else sweetheart?” he chuckled once more, one hand moving from your waist to go to your left hand picking it up and holding it in front of you. “Might want to lose the diamond sweetheart. It would be a shame to see such a pretty girl lose a finger over a man’s ring she doesn’t even love”

With that stark warning ringing in your ears the captain abruptly let go of you and melted away back into the ship, leaving you stood at the railings with a rock as big as the diamond on your finger sitting solidly in your stomach.

[ugh-supersoldiers]

You Saved Me Too

MASTERLIST

Summary: You saved Bucky without even knowing him, but little does he know that he’s done the exact same thing for you.

Characters: Bucky x reader

Warnings: Flashbacks of attempted suicide, tons o’ angst, sad!bucky :(, happy ending (not really a warning but yknow), SHIT EDITING IM SORRY FOR ANY MISTAKES I WILL FIX THEM TOMORROW

Words: 2171

A/N: This is a song fic based off of Song #3 by Stone Sour (here’s the version I used), requested by the lovely @pommom91. I know the song is a little more rock than this fic, but I took a more soft approach to it and took a lot of inspiration from the acoustic version of the song instead I hope that’s alright :) Anyways, I really hope you like this and it’s at least somewhat close to what you were looking for xoxo

ALSO IF YOU GUYS LIKE THIS PLEASE REBLOG AND LIKE SO I CAN GET SOME MORE REQUESTS AND PROMPTS AND STUFF PLEEEAAAAASE

If you take a step towards me You will take my breath away So I'll keep you close and keep my secret safe No one else has ever loved me No one else has ever tried I never understood how much I could take

You stood on the bridge near your small apartment and gazed at the landscape in front of you. It was one of those sticky summer nights in July, your t-shirt clung to your back as a result, but you didn’t mind. You sipped the iced coffee in your hand, frowning slightly at the watered down taste. You’d gotten it nearly two hours ago, and the ice cubes had began to melt, making the espresso less intense.

C’est la vie, you thought with a shrug, choosing to enjoy your nightly walk instead of sulking over your drink. You listened to the sound of rushing water coming from below your feet as you began to walk across the bridge, on your way back home. 

You did this fairly often. You were new to the city, moving there as a result of a horrible break up and a desire to start over. You were in the process of picking up the pieces of your broken heart and figured New York was a darn good place to start.

You were contently listening to the sound of crickets chirping and then you saw him.

A man sat directly on the guard rail, his feet dangling dangerously over the edge. Normally, you might have assumed that it was just a teenager being egged on by their friends, but this was different. This was a full grown man slowly standing up from his sitting position, now standing facing in with his back to the churning river below.

This was a man about to jump.

Your heart thumped so loud in your chest that you barely even heard yourself cry out to him over the thudding in your ears.You dropped your coffee, rushing over to him, watching intensely as his eyes widened at your presence. A gasp escaped him, like the air had been ripped from his lungs, he must have not seen you before.

You stopped directly in front of him, the only thing separating the two of you was the metal guard rail. You examined the man in front of you, the scruff decorating his face, long brown hair being rustled by the wind, blue eyes filled with an emotion that you couldn’t quite place. Those were the eyes of a desperate man.

“Please don’t.” You said.

He looked at you quizzically, tilting his head to the side as if not understanding what’d you’d said. You glanced down at his hands holding on to the rail, and noted that one of them was made completely of metal.

“Jump,” You confirmed, “Please, please, don’t jump.”

“Wh-” He began, but closed his mouth. Perhaps he was at the same loss for words as you were.

“I don’t know you, and you don’t know me, but I’m telling you that if you’re looking for any reason - at all - not to do this, that reason is the random girl who just so happened to be walking on the same bridge that you planned to jump off of.”

He blinked, his eyes scanning your face for something. He wanted to believe you so terribly, but he couldn’t shake the nightmares, he couldn’t ask for forgiveness for the things that he’d done. You watched his hands loosen on the rail and you reached forward, wrapping your arms firmly around his neck to stop him, the only thing between the two of you was the coolness of the railing.

He gasped, clearly very surprised by your affection.

“Give me 5 minutes more.” You said.

You took his silence as a cue to continue.

“My name is (Y/N),” You began, not even sure what you were supposed to say to this man, And when I was a kid I had a cat named Sparky and I loved him but he absolutely hated me so I have a ton of little scars from his scratches on my hands. When I was in high school everyone called me (Y/N/N), even though I hated it. My favourite colour is red because it reminds me of the flowers my grandma used to plant in her back yard when I was little. And I wholeheartedly believe that everything happens for a reason.” You finished rambling and took a breath, “Your turn.”

“What?” He asked, his voice gruff. No one had ever opened up to him about things like this before, and no one had even tried to ask him about himself.

“Your turn.” You repeated, your chin resting on his shoulder.

“My name-” He stopped, as if he was decided what he wanted to tell you, “My name is Bucky.”

“Okay, Bucky,” You said calmly, not daring to shift your arms but moving your head for that you could press your forehead against his, “Why are you out here?”

“It’s a bit of a long story.”

“I’ve got all night.”

And when he told you everything, your heart broke for him. Bucky Barnes - the Bucky Barnes - had taken your heart and crushed it with his own story. But you listened, and rubbed his back soothingly. Anything you could do to comfort him.

But the thing was, the whole time that Bucky was spewing out his sap story, as he put it, he was focusing on the feeling of your beating heart. It had been so long since another human being had extended any sort of compassion, and yet here you were, a woman who had no idea who he was now listening to every word out of his mouth and bracing him in his place so he wouldn’t jump.

“Have you told many other people about yourself?” You asked him.

“Well, it’s not exactly small talk.”

“I won’t tell anyone.”

“What?” He asked.

“All those things you said probably won’t featured in the latest issue of Vogue. Your secrets are safe with me.”

Bucky didn’t understand why you were trying so hard to save someone so clearly helpless, all he knew was that it was working.

“Please come back over the rail.” You nearly begged.

Bucky’s limbs seemed to move on their own, one foot over the metal guard then the next. You never let go of him the whole time.

Once he was safely back over, you hugged him tighter than before, your eyes flushing with tears of relief.

“Thank you.” You said, “Thank you.”

Then I saw the worst was over When I laid my eyes on you It was all that I could do to know my place Out of all the vast illusions Out of all the dreams come true I was gone until I finally saw your face

If you cried out for more If you reached out for me I would run into the storm Just to keep you here with me I have gone beyond my years I've wasted half my life But I found it all in you Did I save you? 'Cause I know you saved me too

“Bucky!”

He felt a firm hand on his shoulder, shaking him awake as the images of his latest nightmare clung under his hooded eyes. Lightning cracked beyond the windows of his flat, and he jumped slightly. The storm had triggered a myriad of horrors during sleep.

“It’s okay, you’re safe now.” You said, pulling him impossibly closer to you under the covers of his bed.

After the night on the bridge, you’d become a quintessential part of Bucky’s life. You only lived about a block from his place, so whenever Bucky had a nightmare, you were only a call away. This was one of those nights filled with a plethora of nightmares, one after the other after the other. He’d called you two nightmares ago, and you’d been there to wake him from the next one he’d had. You’d driven through the storm to get to him.

He’d never been so relieved to see your face as he always was when you were there to wake him from the images that haunted him during nightfall. His eyes would shoot open, hoping to God the worst of it all was over, and then he saw you and he felt safe again. If you were there, it was going to be alright.

He felt your hand gently cup his cheek, stroking his cheekbone gingerly. He sighed, trying to slow down his heartbeat. You lips pressed to his forehead and he keened at your touch.

“Thank you.” You whispered.

“For what?” He panted.

“For saving me.”

He nearly chocked on his own adam’s apple. Save you? You were very clearly the one that saved him that night. He wanted to ask you more, to ask you what you meant, but his eyelids were so heavy and the way you soothingly stroked his hair was slowly coaxing him back to sleep. His eyes closed, and he slept once again. 

It doesn't really matter what you do or say I'm never going anywhere anyway 'Cause when I'm dying for you I've never felt so alive

Bucky held the cup of coffee in his hands that you’d just poured for him and quietly thanked you for it. It’d now been about a year since you’d first met him, and Bucky was so in love with you that it physically pained him to think about. Everything you did was angelic, perfect even in his eyes. You made him feel like he was human again, which was something he hadn’t felt in nearly 70 years.

You were talking to him about something that, admittedly, he wasn’t really listening to. He was intent to just watch the way your eyes lit up about the subject, and how your nose crinkled when you laughed. It never really mattered what you were talking about, he just liked to hear your voice, it compelled him to want to stay with you forever.

You sat across from him, cross legged on the sofa as you talked to him like he were your oldest friend, holding nothing back. All he could think about was how he would do anything for you, and how crazy it was for him to think that you could ever feel anything like that towards him. He was damaged goods.

“Buck?” Your voice snapped him out of his thoughts, “You still with me?”

“Wh- Oh, yeah sorry, musta spaced out.”

“Okay.” You said, but Bucky knew you well enough to know when you weren’t convinced.

“What did you mean when you said I saved you?” He blurted out, instantly regretting it when he saw the redness appear on your cheeks.

You stayed silent, clearly shocked by what he’d asked you, but after a few uncomfortable seconds, you began to speak.

“I meant what I said, Bucky. You saved me.”

“But how?” He asked.

“You gave me purpose.” You answered simply, “All I wanted to do since that night was be a part of your life, and it kept me going. Then I started to really get in that head of yours, and I realized that it wasn’t me wanting to help some stranger anymore, it was me-” You cut yourself off, looking down at your hands.

“(Y/N)?”

“Every time my phone rings in the middle of the night, I don’t even check the caller ID because I already know it’s you and I probably already have my hand on my keys reader to drive over.” You said, refusing to make eye contact, “I’ve gotten 10 speeding tickets since you started calling, I race over to your place because I care about you so much it’s like I’m totally blind to everything else when you’re on my mind. It reminded me of having a stupid crush on someone in high school.”

Bucky’s heart raced in his chest, he set his mug down on the table in front of him and leaned forward, waiting for you to say more.

“I realized that I’d been living a life without purpose for so long that it was so refreshing to have you. You make me feel so alive, Bucky and for that reason you saved me by helping me relearn how to love someone.” 

Bucky sucked in a breath, he couldn’t believe what you were saying. Was this an admission? 

“You showed me how to feel alive again, Buck.” You concluded, twiddling your thumbs in your lap, blushing even more than before.

He’d heard enough. He marched over to your side, plopped himself down next to you and tilted you chin to look up at him.

“I love you.” He said simply, watching your eyes grow wide at his words.

“Y-you-” He didn’t let you finish, his lips were already cutting you off. Kissing you with everything he had, he thanked God that fate had brought you to him that night, because at fault of that, you’d both found your reason to live. You’d both saved one another.

[ketterdamns]

a brief history

so anyway i’ve been doing a lot of work over the last year (hence why im kinda awol and maybe less positive than I used to be) and the biggest thing that has always come up is to stop retreating when I need to be honest about the things that have happened to me, when acknowledging the things in my life that have damaged me and also as an exercise to let trust my friends and others not to use this information to hurt me- the only power of these words in the hands of others is what I perceive them to have. if i give it away freely and own it it can no longer be used to hurt me, or at least, that is the general idea i might regret this. i might not. i just think i need to try because im so so so tired. 

Anyway, under the cut; csa, parental and spousal abuse, rape, trauma,drugs, addiction, basically all of the triggers. a slightly optimistic ending tho!!! 

Additionally; if you read this, please can you in some way acknowledge that u have, via text, whatsapp, dm, pm, messages, likes (no reblogs pls!!)  just so i can keep track of who knows what ty!!!!

its really hard to admit that ive never had a stable home life. never even had a stable home, from the moment i was in the womb my mum was running, away from my dad (who never let her go), from my dad’s mum- who wanted me dead for reasons my mum has never been able to divulge, from poverty and homelessness throughout my formative years. 

That’s when it started maybe, I was about 3-4/5 we ended up having to move in with my uncle (my dads brother) and his wife. it was an uncomfortable situation for all, we were a family of four intruding on newlyweds, but we were desperate and immigrants to a new country without qualifications for work or money to support us or even a job to hold down. My mum tried her best, but my brother was one and i was two years older. I ended up spending a lot of time with my uncle, who often “took me off of her hands” for afternoons. I don’t rly remember those afternoons, except that I would always play up beforehand, not wanting to go. At some point, my aunt caught on, and instead of talking to her husband, or throwing his pedo ass out, she took out her ??jealousy?? on me, and started pinching me so hard i bruised. she would blame me for my uncle’s behaviour. i was a “madame” pretending to be his “princess”, my mum caught her hitting me, and packed our bags immediately, despite my father not allowing us to leave. we had to stay in that house for another two months, and this is when my mum would never want to let me out of her sight again. And this is also the beginning of the pattern that my dad would allow these things to happen to me but I was just a baby. I didn’t understand. I didn’t know what was happening or why they were. No-one spoke to me and I had no one else in my life at that time. 

We spent some really uncomfortable years in uncomfortable places, but honestly being homeless for that year, and then moving into council accommodation was sort of the least of my worries. I was eight years old the time I was sexually and emotionally abused by my other uncle (also my dad’s brother). It was my first trip back to our home country My grandma spent all her time telling me I was awful (it turns out... she’s a piece of shit) all because I refused to call her “Mum”, she wanted to kidnap me and my brother, and idk what else. but we scuppered her plans by not going along with it. It was a very toxic and scary environment, so when my Uncle would invite me into his next door flat, and treat me with kindness, I was overjoyed. Finally, another adult I could trust! My grandparents used to police food, and essentially only allowed me one meal a day. Back in the UK we were very poor, and rarely got to have sweets unless they were gifts from other people, so my uncle already had the perfect tool to entice me. That first summer, I ate sweets and let him pamper me, slowly giving him more and more affection like sitting on his lap etc, because it meant more sweets for me and my brother. he was my favourite person in the world and i was sure that he was the one person i could truly trust and talk to about anything. I used to dream of moving in with him and living peacefully, well fed, in a quiet cosy environment. The next summer, I was nine, and my dad had almost finished his uni, meaning we were expecting more money. I had my fill of sweets. He bought me toys instead. Slowly, his requests for affection turned into demands. Slowly, his affection turned into something twisted and horrible, something dirty. I once tried to raise the point to my grandma, that sometimes my uncle did things that scared me. she told me off for being a coward. I didn’t say anything. I was getting toys, my little brother was being fed, my mum finally had a friend in my dads side of the family in him. I knew enough about unstable homes that the slightest disagreement could lead to homelessness again and I didnt want that. Maybe my silence was my strength. 

This was confirmed when he raped me when I was 12. It is the last time I will ever see that side of the family. I was in shock the whole time, I didn’t know what to do. When we got home, back onto firm cold soil and the safety of our shitty one bedroom council flat in the roughest estate , I opened up to my dad that for years i’d been terrorised by my uncle and afraid of saying something. Dads were supposed to protect their little girls from big bad men, even if that man was their brother. 

All I got for my troubles was another man who began to hurt me. Outraged that I’d ever speak something so horrible my dad began to beat me. Constantly. And if my mum got involved? He’d beat her too. she didn’t even know what was happening, but there was a point she also went silent, and it was all on me to bear the pain I’d tried to share. The following summer, my uncle died in a freak accident When I heard the news I laughed because I couldn’t help myself, and getting hit for it was worth it for the news. I never had to see him again.  He died and I was free. Except my dad never quite forgot what I had said, and he never forgave me for it. 

Anyway by this point I was a teenager, we moved again and constantly over the years until we properly settled and actually bought a house and I had a strong group of friends who didn’t mind my weirdness and my lack of skills. My mum at this point couldnt bear that I was branching out from her bubble, and something snapped in her too, she started to search my room, stalk my friends, refuse to let me out. honestly.. no i dont blame her (even tho her behaviour hasnt changed and im 23, but at the time? it increased how trapped i felt)

I was a teenager and I had a best friend. She loved a boy named DJ who was 18. DJ used to stalk me, and I kept quiet because I knew she liked him and I knew speaking up would cause me more trouble. I could look after her, and myself. DJ assaulted me one night at a party. I shouldn’t have been there and I shouldn’t have been doing what I was doing. I was already experimenting with drinks and drugs because I was dead inside anyway. he hurt me and then told my best friend that i’d hooked up with him and hoodwinked him into getting with me because i wanted to hurt her. within days that story was around school. i was the easy kid who would sleep with anyone for the drama, and i was quiet. i was terrified news would get to my mum, or my little brother who was also starting at that school. but most of all i was terrified of telling my side of the story, and to be hurt more than i was hurting already. I unfriended them all, and even though DJ continued to stalk me i kept quiet. DJ sent me a necklace with a dove, explaining the significance was that the dove was my innocence or some other weird creepy crap. my mum found it in the bin where id tried to bury it under rubbish i told her a fraction of the truth, I was being harassed by a boy and I didn’t welcome his advances. I didn’t tell her it was already too late. The school of course told him to keep away, and he did for the most part, and one time he tried to corner me while I was skiving off of a class and there was no one around, I ran and went to tell a teacher. I got told to “grow up” and sometimes “we have to get along with people we dont like”. I was the villain in their eyes. I swore  I would do everything in my power to get out of this school, go to the grammar in a new city where my reputation . DJ was arrested this year for online grooming an d sharing child pornography, and it honestly breaks my heart that its been going on for so long. maybe i should have said more, but who to? 

My time at school wasn’t all bad. And i had my first real positive experience with an older man. My english teacher once caught me unawares and I had a panic attack at being alone with a man-- he was gentle and kind, and worked with me to get to where i wanted to be grades-wise. he let me borrow his books and told me stories about his own son and i understood what real love meant, and it broke me that i’d never experienced it. 

My brother had grown so big now, and threatened my dad. if he ever lay another finger on one of us under our roof, my brother would kill him. my brother spent his childhood learning to fight, he’s in the runnings for the Olympics. My dad recognised the threat was real. And never hit me when my brother was home. However, when my brother wasn’t home... that was another story. my silence then was another kind of strength. I couldnt tell him the truth, because if he followed through on this threat, his life would be over. My dad got more sneaky, he would avoid my face, he’d grab my ankle and twist it so tight that it’s now forever fucked up. 

Despite all my fucked-up ness I did make it to grammar school, despite my parents not wanting me to go there. And im so glad i did. I finally had two years with minimal assault. My dad hurt me sometimes? The first night after my induction class because summer break, my dad took my prized hockey stick- one I’d worked long days to afford, and smashed it on my leg. I had to get crutches and didn’t leave my house for most of the summer, because I didn’t want to explain what happened. I couldn’t play my sport ever again properly. I lied to my friends and told them i was in my home country for the summer. i legit did not leave my house unless it was for doctors appts. 

 occasional nights he would be tired of me doing nothing but homework or making projects, or being loud. Alternately, he’d hate it when suddenly i became withdrawn and uncommunicative. when i physically couldn’t move etc. anyway turns out these were symptoms of my MI which wouldn’t be diagnosed for a long while, despite trying to find what was wrong with me from this point onwards.  but!!! for the most part! it was great! my school was in another city! i had freedom for a couple hours every day to do what i wanted! i made friends who embraced my weirdness! i had no reputation and i had my very own laptop finally so i could finally have some privacy!

too much privacy, i refused to give my mum my laptop password. hearing this, my dad threw my laptop down the stairs. 

i used what little money i had from part time jobs to fix it, but its something im resentful of to this day. my mum, in her eagerness to protect me, just let him hurt me again. 

anyway blah blah blah i moved to london and it was amazing i ran away i was free everything was going to change and i was finally going to be the person i always knew i was destined to be! chic and cosmopolitan and cool and confident and most importantly, safe, and comfortable, and in control. And I was. and then three weeks before halloween it happened again. i’d been away from home for two months now, and i’d started dabbling in harder drugs than weed, but that night i was not high. i was not in withdrawal. i was only drunk. i got raped again. this time, i did report it, but only because my housemates knew it had happened. i got rushed to A&E where they are legally required to call the police. the police took me to their HQ and i was interviewed. they arrested him. none of this was my choice, and my lack of silence led to a lack of control. I know ive been detailed already, but i wont go into detail about the rape kits they have and the questions i got asked and the journalists who dogged me and the nosy gossips who wanted to know the juicy deets. I don’t want to go into detail about how i realised I was a victim and was always going to be a victim, and i cant go into detail about the most recent abuses, not yet. All I know is i once thought i was in love with a boy called ‘T’, and what he did to me was worse because he made me believe this was all I could get and that I had to settle. He made me believe that him getting off on my trauma was love, instead of him picturing me as a child repeatedly brutalised by my male relatives. The moment I came to my senses and he was gone, I realised I was alone again. I failed my second year of uni, because the day before my final exam, my rapists wife found my house in london, idk how. She and her child begged me to help her husband’s appeal. I sympathised with her, she was a non-native with broken english looking after her kid. She reminded me of my mum. I told her for her chid’s sake and for her sake, I couldn’t. She cursed me and nothing has been the same since. actually, the lovely people of tumblr helped me raise the funds to complete summer school and carry on with my life. i now hold a masters degree. i remember each and every one of u who donated or signal boosted. i also remember my choice to keep his wife out of it, and not mention her. silence was golden. 

This year my rapist  was deported after raping another person when he was released for good behaviour. 

anyway. despite all of this magnitude of shit that has happened to me. despite my numerous addictions that im still working thru (im sorry if u knew me when i was nothing but a junkie. at 19/20 I was not a good person and anything I said that was thoughtful or provocative came from a bad place. I gave bad advice and abused my medication alongside brown and alcohol. My manic episodes got worse than I’ve ever experienced and usually led to me some very dark very scary places. I’m mostly better now but the last year has Been A Lot. I tried to kill myself twice. Once, I was saved by police, which is... embarrassing and I lied my ass off (and brandished the fact i was a MASTERS STUDENT OF LAW and they had entirely the wrong end of the stick) and another time, i was saved by chance. I am making so much progress tho. I’m proud of me. I’ve become more independent. I’m not afraid to speak out when I’m dissatisfied now. I know strength comes from knowing what you want and what you don’t want, not settling for the worst because unknown reactions in my imagination are worse than whatever reality has in store. 

im graduating from my masters next week. i feel as tho ive lost a lot of friends and people i cared about- all i can say is im sorry. i’m trying. but if i fuck up, its on me. if i speak too loudly and it hurts you, please tell me. if i dropped away, its because i had to work on me, and im sorry, and im ready to come back, if you’ll have me.  I’m really excited about the future, but im scared too. the last three months have been so hard and every day i feel like giving up again, but I won’t. there has to be a reason i survived all this, and im yet to find it, but i hope i will. im still going thru shit. my dad is still the worst. but i have a really lovely partner who is so so so patient with me- more than i deserve, im in touch with a doctor and a sleep therapist, my brother is looking out for me and im getting in touch with old friends, and im making new ones all the time. thank you for sticking by me, and sorry for the long read. i just had to get it out there you know? its my truth and the silence was killing more than anything else in this stupid story is. ive left lots of details out, but parts of my story interlink with others and other parts im still holding onto, i cant share everything online i think thats enough oversharing for a long long time. 

[taegijae-blog]

BREAKFAST DELIVERY 6

pairing: 2jae

genre: fluff, if you squint there’s angst

word count: 2.4k

description: the school’s hottest boy im jaebum wants to get a certain boy’s number.  but the first problem is: he’s unhappy and not eating.

status: completed

note: this was originally posted on wakaba’s wattpad @/jaeholics

| part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 |

"BamBam, I brought Youngjae-hyung!"

"Oh! Gyeomie!" BamBam, who was wearing a cheetah print shirt and tight red pants greeted the two. Once the front door opened, the music coming from the speakers became louder. Youngjae winced slightly as he stepped indoors, taking off his shoes. He looked around the living room and was relieved to see only four or five other people walking around or sitting on the floor.

Youngjae had no idea who the other people were. They were probably in BamBam’s group of 'cool' partygoers, judging from how they talked quietly and even some were still wearing sunglasses indoors. Someone sitting on the couch with his legs crossed waved his hand at Youngjae, although he couldn't tell who it was because of the sunglasses.

"Wow...! Hyung, look at all this food!" Yugyeom suddenly called out from the dining table, staring at the various bowls of food in admiration. He stuffed some popcorn into his mouth and gestured for Youngjae to hurry and come over.

"This sure is a lot," Youngjae breathed out, holding onto his elbow.

"Aren't you going to have some?"

"...No, i—" Youngjae started, but the words written on the note popped up in his head.

more than happy to see you eat.

Youngjae grabbed a plastic cup and filled it with jelly beans. He picked up a pink-colored one and threw it in his mouth, his cheeks turning into the same pink hue as the candy. It had been a while since he'd eaten any sort of sweets.

Too bad he didn't realize Im Jaebum was watching him from the crowd, sighing over his cuteness.

"Hyung, hyung, come meet these guys!" BamBam ushered Youngjae to the living room where three others were sitting on the couch, seeming much older than the both of them.

"This is Rap Mon, Def Soul, and S.Coups," BamBam named one-by-one as he pointed to the corresponding person sitting on the couch. Youngjae looked at the three and then back at his friend as though he was crazy. He did just name extremely odd titles for each of them, after all. "They're just artist names. They don't want me to reveal their real names apparently."

"Hey."

"Hi."

Each one of them sat in a way that made Youngjae feel intimidated and want to sink into the carpet beneath him. The one that caught his attention the most was the guy in the middle, apparently known as 'Def Soul.' He was wearing sunglasses for whatever reason and had at least six piercings in his ears. curling his lips into an unexpectedly friendly smile, 'Def Soul' waved his hand to Youngjae. He hesitantly waved back and also bowed his head politely.

"Yugyeomie, can you turn the music down a bit?" BamBam asked. Diligently, the tall maknae went over to the speakers and turned the volume down. Youngjae sat on the carpet while hugging his knees, being sure to be close to Yugyeom who had returned from his trip to the speakers.

"Hey Def Soul, this is your jam, isn't it?" Rap Mon snickered while elbowing his friend. tThe song playing was “Touch My Body” by Sistar, and S.Coups laughed loudly while clapping his hands. As someone who was considered the master of girl group dances, BamBam immediately stood up and started over-exaggeratedly dancing to it.

Def Soul eventually sang to the song despite seeming to regret every second of it. What surprised Youngjae the most was how amazing his singing voice is. The rather high pitched tone was such a gap from his deeper voice when talking, and Youngjae felt that was strangely attractive.

"God, BamBam. Why are your legs the same size as my arms?" S.Coups said with a groan while watching him dance and wiggle his legs around. Everyone in the room sort of groaned, too, probably thinking the exact same thing.

"What are your secrets? I want to be less fat than I already am," he remarked while rolling his eyes, taking ahold of his own thigh and visually comparing with BamBam's sticks. Youngjae's grasp around his knees tightened uncomfortably as he stared at his own legs.

Fat?

Suddenly, his head was feeling dizzy. He had just remembered something unpleasant whispered to him—

"Choi Youngjae, you still have baby fat from primary school?"

"You fat manchild."

"No one likes fat kids like you."

Knocking over the cup of jelly beans, Youngjae made a run for it to the bathroom. Both BamBam and Yugyeom looked confused, the taller deciding to follow him. The bathroom door was locked shut by the time he caught up to Youngjae.

"Youngjae-hyung?" Yugyeom knocked on the door. "Are you okay? Do you have an emergency?"

"Go away," Youngjae replied, his voice muffled presumably because he was hiding his face. He didn't want to hear any of his friends take pity on him. He wanted to lay on the cold bathroom floor until the next morning.

From behind the door, he could hear someone else's footsteps and whispers that he couldn’t understand properly. One of them left, and Youngjae shut his eyes, believing it was BamBam here to persuade him out the bathroom.

But it wasn't?

"Hey," an unexpectedly low voice called out from the other side of the door, causing Youngjae to look up in alert. His breathing became a bit heavier in embarrassment, realizing that it was one of those guys with artist names. Meanwhile, Jaebum was leaning against the door with his arms crossed over his chest.

"I'm glad to see that you finally ate."

Youngjae's eyes widened when hearing so. The note he received that day at school appeared in his mind again; it mentioned how the writer might see him at BamBam's party. Was that the person who would always notice and care about how he was doing during lunch? He wanted to burst the door open and finally find out who the culprit was, but his legs were numb. Hootsteps headed away from the bathroom, indicating that person was already leaving.

🍽

It took another minute for Youngjae to finally muster up his courage to come out of his hiding spot. He looked horrible, with his nose tinted red and his eyes dark as if from lack of sleep. Once he was back in the living room, he could see that everyone was still sitting in their original positions. He had no idea who the person was. He could simply ask, but he found that to be embarrassing for himself.

"Hyung, are you alright? Do you want to stay the night here?" BamBam asked, his voice laced with concern. Youngjae's eyes wavered to the three on the couch, especially to the one wearing sunglasses. He was sitting with his legs spread wide, both elbows resting on top of his thighs. Most noticeable of all, he was looking directly at Youngjae—at least it seemed like it, though he didn't know for sure because of the shades.

"...Is it Friday?" Youngjae asked, dazed. Yugyeom nodded his head. "I'll stay, then." He took his spot beside Yugyeom again. Having a friend who was almost two meters tall felt comforting sometimes. 'Def Soul' went to the kitchen in order to grab a drink of soda for himself.

On his trip back, though, he was holding two cups. Youngjae didn't notice at first, but 'Def Soul' placed a full cup of jelly beans next to him before sitting back down on the couch.

Youngjae shyly opened his mouth to thank him for the snack until 'Def Soul' put an index finger to his own lips to make a shushing gesture.

🍽

It was around midnight, and Youngjae was still wide awake.

The spare bed that he was offered to sleep on for the night smelled a lot like BamBam, and he didn't know how to feel about it.

Every time he closed his eyes in attempt to sleep, he would think about what had happened that day. His mind refused to fall unconscious until it had its curiosity had been fulfilled. Youngjae's legs hung over the side of the bed before he walked out the dark room and to the living room.

"BamBam?" he asked softly.

"Yeah, hyung?" the other's eyes blinked. Youngjae took the spot next to his friend and stared at his lap. BamBam wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

"Who were those three guys?"

"The three dudes on the couch? I met them at a studio sometime last year. I was just walking around to find Yugyeomie when they told me to freestyle rap out of nowhere. I guess they liked it," he explained with a casual shrug. "Why? You have a crush on one of them?"

Youngjae immediately shook his head, making an x sign with his arms. "I don't even know their names. Their real names."

"Well, that's a shame." BamBam made a face shrug this time. "Def Soul seemed to be really worried about you. I think you guys would be a nice couple."

He rolled his eyes at that, although he was a tiny bit flustered. Despite having no clue what Def Soul even looked like—he could be a shady old man for all Youngjae knew—the idea of dating him was something he found appealing. The minutiae of him smiling welcomingly or getting him a new cup of candy felt oddly attractive to Youngjae. Is it really possible for someone to be so handsome at heart?

"I'll go sleep now," Youngjae said while patting his friend's head affectionately.

"Sleep tight, Jaejae-hyung." BamBam grinned and dabbed. "Wanna hang out with us tomorrow? We're planning to go out for some ice cream."

"With the, uh... guys whose names I don't know?"

"Yeah. You should come with us."

Youngjae waved his hand as he disappeared down the hallway, putting up a cool act. Once he was out of BamBam's radar of sight, his cheeks flushed bright pink as he plopped down on the bed.

Why did he keep thinking about how he wanted it to be a date?

🍽

"Snzz... zzzzzz..."

"Oh my god, hyung. can you at least stay awake for one hour?" BamBam said with a sigh, making sure to drive responsibly by keeping his eyes on the road. "You sleep even worse than my sister does."

Youngjae sank into his seat even more, nodding his head to the song currently playing in the car.

A few minutes later, the two arrived at the shopping mall that held the promised ice cream store. since it was a saturday morning, there were quite a lot of people walking around. They eventually met up with the rest of the group, but there was one fewer person than Youngjae had remembered there to be.

"Where's Scoops?" BamBam asked while rolling up his sleeves. Youngjae turned to the other direction in order to sneeze briefly, and he swore someone said 'bless you' quietly.

"His girlfriend or something just snatched him away on our way here. I tried telling him bros before hoes but, you know," Rap Mon shrugged his shoulders as he explained. Suddenly, BamBam dashed up to the taller's side and whispered something into his ear. The other slowly nodded his chin in agreement as Youngjae feared what would happen soon.

"Hyung and I are going to look at some clothes," BamBam said with a wink towards Youngjae, whose ears were almost pink. "You two should wait at the ice cream place until we're done! Bye!" The Thai boy shouted while waving his arm, already heading off to search for a boutique of some sort. Left speechless, Youngjae gazed at the two snickering as they strolled away.

"You gonna come or not?" A low voice called out to him, causing him to freeze in surprise. The culprit was Def Soul, whom he admittedly didn't notice until just now since he was so quiet. Youngjae nodded meekly and caught up to him, awkwardly walking besides him.

Im Jaebum was satisfied with himself—he had his boy crush almost literally clinging onto him.

"Do you have an eating disorder?" Def Soul asked out of nowhere, keeping his voice down knowing it was a sensitive topic. Ever so coolly, he stuffed his hands into his ripped jeans pockets and looked forward. He wore a baggy, beige turtleneck sweater which seemed to conceal his identity even more. Youngjae bit on his lower lip.

"I... um..." His hand, covered completely by his hoodie's sleeve, lifted up to cover his mouth. It was a subconscious sign that he didn't want to talk about it. Somehow, the various people walking by were shooting judgmental glares at Youngjae—well, at least they were in his mind. Again, just like the night before's party, his breathing was becoming rushed and he felt as if he was suffocating.

That suffocating feeling went straight away once Def Soul put his arm around his shoulders.

"It's alright," he whispered and continued to casually stroll down the hall. The ice cream shop was nearby already as the red hue spread across Youngjae's cheeks never disappeared. Def Soul's arm left the younger's shoulders and disappointingly took the warmth from his skin. He opened the door for Youngjae, who couldn't bear to look at him directly as he walked in.

Def Soul patted Youngjae's arm and pointed to an empty table before approaching it, sitting down with a sigh. Although it resembled a date too much, Youngjae knew he'd have to sit across from him to avoid making things even more awkward. His hands were folded politely in his lap.

"I'll go order something. What do you want to get?" Def Soul asked, pushing up his sunglasses.

"...Vanilla ice cream," Youngjae requested without looking up from his lap. Nodding, Def Soul stepped to the counter while staring at the menu. A few people sitting in the shop had their gaze fixed on the rare sight of a celebrity-like customer.

Youngjae hid behind the table and his cheeks became even more flushed. He realized that he didn't hand Def Soul any money to pay for his food. Meekly, he peered over to the male ordering the ice cream for him.

Why is he fine with paying for him?

Why is so nice to him in the first place?

Something about that subtle kindness was so familiar, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

[imaginetonyandbucky]

Hi i just wanted to say i adore ypu blog❤️ So my prompt is a Highschool AU with a Nerdy!Shy!Tony and a Popular!Jock!Bucky and bucky askes him on a date and you can get creative after that or just finish it there! Thanky You

Combined with:

In high school, Tony was in love with the school’s star quarterback, Ty, who used and abused him. Bucky was in love with Tony, but beyond smiles and friendly gestures Tony didn’t really notice him. 5 yrs later Tony is quite disillusioned with chasing after people who stomp on his heart, and is determined to live a quiet life with his roommate, fellow scientist Bruce. All that changes when he meets Bucky (now a mechanical engineer) at a tech conference.

Now

“C’mon,Brucie, stop looking like you’re carrying an unexploded bomb andhave some fun!”

Brucesighed and pulled the lanyard over his head. “It’s a roboticsconference, Tony; I don’t think ‘fun’ is really the word you’relooking for.”

“Sureit is!” Tony said, sweeping his arm to encompass the labyrinthineshowroom hall they were entering. “Cutting edge gadgets! Demos thatare going to fail horribly to laugh at! All the free crappy pens andstickynotes and branded toys you can shake a stick at! And best ofall, booth babes!”

“Youridea of fun and mine are very, very different.” Bruce rolled hiseyes, but he gamely accepted the bag that Tony handed him to putmarketing swag in. The bit about booth babes was bullshit; Tonyhadn’t so much as gone on a date in almost two years, focusinginstead on building his fledgling company.

Tonyconsulted the floor map. “Let’s see, where should we start?”Bruce didn’t bother answering. He’d only agreed to come with Tonyto the conference because the symposium on medical applications ofminiaturized robotics sounded interesting. “Oooh, robotics-enhancedprosthetics!” Tony crowed. “That’s right up my alley, come on!”He charged up one crowded aisle without looking to see if Bruce wasfollowing.

Brucefollowed anyway. By the time Bruce caught up with him, Tony wasalready staring at a display model behind plexiglass, showing theinner workings of a mechanized arm. “Bruce, look at this! They’reusing that specialized weight-distribution joint that I designed lastyear, but they’ve reworked the power core. This is gorgeous,I can’t even–”

Theguy behind the counter turned toward them with a professionallybright smile. “Good afternoon, sir, can I he– Tony?”

Tonylooked up from the arm and his eyes suddenly went round. “Oh mygod,” he breathed. “Bucky?”

Bruceblinked. That was a name he hadn’t expected to hear, here, thoughhe heard it often enough when Tony was drinking or sleep-deprivedenough to start rambling about “the one who got away.”

(Look out for the cut.)

Then

“I’mgonna do it at lunch, Steve.”

“Goodfor you, Buck. Do what, exactly?” Steve didn’t even look up fromwhere he was copying Bucky’s CompSci homework.

“Haveyou even been listening? I’m gonna ask Tony to prom.”

Stevefrowned, compared what he’d just written to Bucky’s notes, thengrunted irritably and started erasing the line he’d miscopied.“Isn’t he dating that asshat Stone?”

“Youreally haven’t been listening, have you?” Bucky demanded. Hewaved a hand under Steve’s face and waited until his best friendfinally looked up at him. “They broke up last night. It’s allover school.”

“What’sthat, the fifth time this semester?” Steve mused. “You know theynever stay broken up long.”

“That’swhy I’ve gotta ask him at lunch!” Bucky said. He felt giddy withexcitement. He’d been nursing this damn crush for Tony since theeighth grade; it was damn well time to do something about it. “Theydon’t have any morning classes together; they won’t have had timeto get back together! If I can get him to say yes now, then he won’tbe abletogo back to that jackass.”

“Idon’t think it works quite that way,” Steve said.

“Maybenot, but I have to try,” Bucky said. “We’re gonna graduate intwo months, and I’ll never see him again.”

Stevelooked thoughtful. “Yeah,” he said. “Okay. You’re right. Do it. I’ll keep an eye out for Stone’s cronies.”

Now

Jesus,Tony looked even better now than when they’d been in schooltogether. In high school, Tony had been a quiet, nerdy kid, kind ofscrawny, always so desperate to please everyone that he never quitefit in anywhere. But he’d filled out in the years since, still leanbut now sporting wiry muscle, and the sparse and scruffy facial hairhe’d once had had filled in and been immaculately trimmed intosomething that made his face sharper and more striking.

Andit wasn’t like Bucky hadn’t known that Tony had turned out to bemoderately successful – it was no accident that the new prostheticdesign had incorporated some of Tony’s developments in robotics –but there was a world of difference between looking at thecarefully-curated photos in the industry journals and seeing the manstanding not three feet away, just as surprised as Bucky and visiblysteeling himself

“Inever thought I’d see you again,” Bucky heard himself say throughthe shock.

“Oh,I’m like a bad penny,” Tony joked lamely, then looked down at thearm on display. “They give you a patter for this thing? Or betteryet, a datasheet? I’d love to pick the design team’s brains.”

“You’relookin’ at ‘im,” Bucky said.

Tonyglanced up at him again, eyebrows lifted in surprise. Bucky pushedaside the pity party that had been building and found his show grinagain, because there was no way he was going to let a five-year-oldheartache stop him from taking credit for the work he was so proudof. Laying groundwork for a strategic partnership with StarkIndustries would be good for Bucky’s career. The damage to hisheart was already done; he might as well get somethingoutof it.

Hethumbed the security lock on the display case and lifted out the armso they could take a closer look. “So, what d’you want to know?”

Then

TheStarks lived in a big, fancy house, damn near a mansion. Buckycouldn’t believe someone who lived in a place like this had saidyes to someone like him.He chewed on his lip and stared up at the house for a good fiveminutes before he finally made himself get out of the car. He brushedthe wrinkles out of his rented tux and reminded himself not to crushthe little plastic box that held Tony’s boutonniere. Every step hetook up the path that led across that immaculate lawn seemed to makehis heart beat a little harder.

Hehad to take another few breaths before he rang the doorbell. He hadto calm down a little; if Tony’s parents were anything likeBucky’s, he was going to have to make small talk for a while andlet them take about half a million pictures before they were finallyable to make their escape.

Hewondered what kind of curfew Tony’s parents were setting. Buckyusually had to be home by midnight on the weekends, but his mom hadtold him not to worry about it tonight – just to be home bybreakfast, and to text whenever he was going somewhere new.

Herang the doorbell, and then waited. And waited. He was wondering ifhe should ring again when the door opened to frame a thin olderwoman: Tony’s mom. “Hello?” She looked down athis tux, the boutonniere box in his hand, then up at his face again,apparently confused.

HadTony not toldhisparents he was going to prom? Or had he not told them that he wasgoing with another guy? Shit shit shit… “I’m, I’m here topick Tony up,” Bucky managed to say.

Thewoman looked him down and then up again. “Tony left half an hourago,” she said.

That…didn’t make any sense.

“ButI told him…” Bucky started, and then stopped himself. Mrs. Starkwouldn’t have any answers for him.

Shegave him an apologetic smile. “Maybe he misunderstood,” sheoffered, “and is planning to meet you there?”

Howcould “I’ll pick you up at seven” be misunderstood?

Obviously,there was somesortof misunderstanding going on. Bucky gave Mrs. Stark a small, tightsmile. “Maybe. I’ll… I left my phone in the car; I’ll texthim. Thank you.”

Hisheart was beating faster, now, with something closer to panic thanexcitement. What had happened? He all but ran back to the car andfumbled for his phone.

MessageNot Delivered.

What?He poked the Retry button.

MessageNot Delivered.

Whatthe hell? A sick twist in his stomach, Bucky started the car andheaded for the prom, alone.

Now

Themore Bucky explained the design decisions and concepts, the more Tonyhated himself for having let Bucky get away, five years ago. Tony hadknown even then that Bucky was smart as hell, but this exceeded evenTony’s expectations. He was still hot, too, of course. Theintimidating breadth of muscle Bucky had maintained as a member ofthe football team had melted some without constant upkeep, but it hadleft behind just the faintest hint of roundness that Tony founddesperately appealing

Andthe way his eyes sparkled and snapped as he pointed out some of themore subtle features – Tony probably could’ve fallen for areasonably well-dressed monkey if it had that level of passion andfire.

Brucekept giving Tony that Look every time Tony turned his way, too. Tonysteadfastly ignored it. He’d lost that chance, thrown it away withboth hands. He was lucky Bucky was even willing to speak to him.Probably wouldn’t, if it wasn’t a tradeshow and Bucky’s actualjob to do so.

Eventually,though, Tony ran out of things to ask. He was going to have to walkaway, knowing exactly what he’d thrown away… Of all the horriblethings Ty had done to Tony, this was probably the worst, in the longrun.

Bruceglared at Tony as he stepped back, and caught his arm. “I wouldn’tmind having a quiet dinner back at the hotel if you guys wanted tomeet up after the floor closes tonight and reminisce.”

Tonycouldn’t help the flinch, or miss the way Bucky’s professionalsmile went brittle and cold. “There’s not that much to remember,”Bucky told Bruce. “We can pretty well sum it up with, ‘Hey,remember that time you stood me up for the prom?’” He made anoise that approximated a laugh and pointedly did not look at Tony.

Then

“Oh,goodness, Anthony,” Tony’s mom said, looking out the window.“Your date really went all out, didn’t he?”

“What?”It was only six-thirty; Bucky wasn’t supposed to pick him up untilseven. Tony ran up beside her and looked.

Sureenough, there was a limo parking at the curb. “Crap,” Tonygasped. He ran his hands through his hair – he hadn’t had time todo it properly yet, but he didn’t dareletBucky come inside to be grilled by his mom, or worse, his dad. “Okay,I’m going!” he said brightly, dashing for the stairs before shecould grab him. “Don’t wait up!”

“Anthony!”she protested, but he pretended not to hear her, jogging down thestairs and practically diving through the door. He slowed to a briskwalk as he crossed the lawn, his heart hammering with excitement.

Thecar’s driver was waiting to open the door as Tony approached, andTony flashed him a huge grin as he ducked into the vehicle.

“Wow,Buck, this is–”

Thatwasn’t Bucky, lounging in the plush seat.

“Ty,”Tony snapped. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh,darling,” Ty sighed. “You didn’t really think that BuckyBarneswasactually going to take you to prom, did you? I know you’re given toflights of fancy, but that’s a bit farfetched, even for you, don’tyou think?”

“Wait,hang on,” Tony told the driver before he could shut the door. “I’mgetting out.” Tony glared at Ty. “We’ve been planning it forweeks, so yes, I think that Bucky Barnes is going to take me toprom.”

“Oh,darling,” Ty said again, shaking his head. “It was a prank. Asetup. He was never going to show up.”

Tonytried to ignore the way that echoed his own late-night fears. “God,you are such an asshole.”

“It’strue,” Ty insisted. “I heard him planning it with Rogers in thelocker room.”

“Rogerswould never. He’s such a goody two-shoes,” Tony protested.

“That’swhat he wants everyone to think, but you should’ve seen what he didto Rumlow after the Homecoming game,” Ty said with a sympatheticwince.

Noone had ever confirmed what had happened to put Rumlow in thehospital for two weeks after Homecoming, though rumors had flown fastand thick. Rumlow himself wouldn’t talk about it. “Rogers didthat?”

Tynodded. “I helped pull him off, or Brock probably would’ve died.Coach swore everyone to secrecy.” Ty grimaced in distaste. “He’svicious, when he wants to be.”

“I’dstill rather go stag than go with you,” Tony said.

Tysmiled, that bright, slick smile that he saved for when he knew hewas going to get exactly what he wanted. “And walk the gauntlet ofthe entire school as they laugh at you for showing up without the‘date’ everyone’s heard about? Come on, Tony, you know betterthan that.”

Tonyclosed his eyes, unwilling to let Ty see how much he was hurting.God, he’d thought Bucky had actually likedhim.What an idiot. He should’ve known he couldn’t be that lucky.

“Ofcourse you do, you’re too smart to let a thing like that happen.Luckily, I overheard them and decided to come to your rescue. For oldtime’s sake.”

Tonydrew a breath and held it for a count of ten, until he was sure hewouldn’t let a single tear slip free, and then slid silently ontothe limo’s bench seat.

“That’sa good boy,” Ty purred. The driver shut the door, finally, a heavyslam that felt like the vault door on Tony’s heart. “Come on overhere. Delete that asshole from your phone and have a drink or two,” Ty suggested, and the cabin filledwith the smell of rum. “Once you’ve loosened up a little, youmight even have some fun. And I’m sure I can think of a couple ofways for you to show your gratitude, later.”

Now

“Itwas Ty,” Tony said softly, not looking at Bucky.

Theold rage and hurt blossomed to life again behind Bucky’s sternum.“I know it was Ty,” he growled. “Steve told me you two showedup, already half-lit–”

“Tytold me,” Tony said, a little louder now, riding over Bucky. “Hetold me that you were never going to show. That it was you and Rogersplaying a, a fucking pranktohumiliate me.”

Buckyopened his mouth, closed it again. “Why the hell would we do that?”was all he could think to say.

“Topunish me for trying to get above myself?” Tony grated. “I don’tknow. It doesn’t matter. Rogers cornered me on Monday and damn wellput me in my place. He told me that you–”

“Iwent to pick you up,” Bucky said, the flame of anger snuffing andleaving behind only the hurt. “And you were gone, so I went to theprom and I saw… I saw you dancing with him. And I left.”

Tonyhad wrapped his arms around his middle and was staring into thedistance, off to the side. “Well, those weren’t the words heused, but I… figured out that Ty had lied. To prove that he couldstill make me dance to his tune. To get revenge on me for breaking upwith him, I guess. For… for daring to be happy.”

Buckydidn’t know how to respond to that. He should have known that wasTy’s fault, shouldn’t he? He should’ve marched into the damndance and told Ty to take his disgusting, lying hands off Bucky’sdate. He should’ve… at least asked.Everyone had known how Ty treated Tony. But Bucky had been so hurt hecouldn’t think straight.

Buckycast about for something to say, anything.Tony’s friend caught Bucky’s eye and raised an eyebrow, noddingtoward Tony significantly.

Buckyopened his mouth, closed it again. He knew he shouldsaysomething, but what? He could practically seeTonyshrinking back into a timid, shy kid with no self-esteem.

“I’m…I’m sorry,” Tony said. “For whatever that’s worth. I never…I’m sorry.” He took a step back. Another, slowly, as if he werehoping to be stopped, but Bucky still had no words. Tony turned.

“Wereyou really happy?” Bucky blurted.

Tony’shead lifted, though he didn’t look back. “What?”

“When…Before Ty fucked everything up. Were you really happy that I’dasked you?”

Tonylaughed, just a little, or maybe it was a choked-back sob. “I don’tthink I’d ever been happier before in my life.”

Buckybit his lip, glanced at Tony’s friend. The curly head bobbed infervent approval.

“Havedinner with me?”

Tonylooked at Bucky finally, hope and fear twisting his mouth. “Really?”

Buckynodded. “Seems I owe you a date.”

“Youdon’t–” Tony’s friend elbowed him, not being at all subtle. Tonyglared back, but took a breath and turned back to Bucky. “Okay,yeah. Yes. Dinner.” Tony glanced down at the schedule. “Pick meup at eight?”

“I’llbe there,” Bucky said. He grinned a little, to take the sting outof it, and said, “Wait for me this time.”

“I’vebeen waiting for five years,” Tony said. “What’s another coupleof hours?”

~ @everyworldneedslove

[meanderfall]

//tornadoes thru ur window, completely shattering the glass: for the writer meme, 5 - 6 - 8 - 10 - 15 - 21 - 25 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30 - 34 - 36 - 39 - 45 - 47 - 48 - 49 - aaaand 50: how long do you usually let an idea fester in your mind before you're like, "okay, i'll write you down u little fucker"? ALSO IM AWARE THIS IS A LOT, LMAOOO

LDJF;KFGSKGF ADRI MY LOVE, MY WIFE, MY KNIGHT, MY SUN AND MOON, THANK YOU OMG, I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR A NOVEL OF AN ANSWER LMAO

5.     How much writing do you get done on an average day?

LMAO I ACTUALLY HAVE THIS CALCULATED PER HOUR just bc that’s how long my train ride is. So I can do about 400-500 words in 50~ minutes.anyway tbh, I write almost never, but when I do, I try to get around 1000 words done??? that’s usually when i lose steam too. (though i guess if i did 500 word spurts instead throughout the day, i’d get more done) (TO CLARIFY, the only reason it’s so much is bc i only write when I know /exactly/ what the scene is gonna be and im motivated. if u sat my ass down in front of a computer each day and told me to write, I’d probably only get 100 in two hours, less even.)

6.     Single or multiple POV?

I’m a multiple pov hoe. I’ve thought before of writing something in entirely one pov, but tbh i dont think i could do it if the thing is longer that a 2000 word one shot.

8.     Oldest WIP

I HAD TO PULL OUT MY USB FOR THIS GODDAMN

Okay so, my oldest wip ever, is an original story I started in, I think, 2011 and wrote throughout the year. It’s got about 22k words down, but tbh i dont think im ever gonna touch it again.fanfic-wise, my oldest wip is a harvest moon fanfic, that’s around 6k words i think? and i was planning on re-writing it bc i didnt like the characterization of one of the characters and i wanted to fix that, but it’s been like five years now, i dont think it’s ever gonna be done. (I still want to though). (and u can find said wip on my fanfiction.net account)

10.  Do you set yourself deadlines?

My guy, i’ve never set a deadline for myself in my entire life. I think I tried to do it once, and i completely let it pass by. (Though the fanfic i mentioned previously, im pretty sure i updated once a week before i fucked up)

15.  How do you deal with writer’s block?

I either set it aside (and never pick it up again lmao) and let it stew in the back of my mind until I get something else, oR I POWER THROUGH THIS MOTHERFUCKER, and I’ll probably only write 50 words and hate every single last one of them, but I got it done and it’s better than nothing and hopefully tomorrow i’ll actually have something. (also, sometimes when powering through, what i write ends up inspiring me and im like “oh of course!” and i blaze through it)

21.  Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?in case u havent noticed yet, about 99% of all my characters are snarky to some degree. I need a character with a wry sense of humour, and I’ll usually stay in their pov a lot. The only other character “type” I have are the sunshine pure cinnamon rolls who care and love everyone. Oh, and I guess also the ones who are pissed and bitter at the world at large. (I should.... probably... try to get out of this comfort zone...)

25.  Favourite part of writing

okay tbh, my favourite part is when I’m winding down from a good writing session, and I just feel so proud and alive, because I was productive and I created something with my own two hands and mind, and there are very few things that are as incredible as that imo

27.  Favourite line/scene

okay so this was hard to pick??? not to mention it’s all crap you’ve seen before but whatever.

There’s this one:

“McCreewas abruptly reminded of when he was nothing more than a teen, snarling andfurious at everyone around him, not willing to trust anyone. And he wasreminded of Gabriel Reyes who stayed calm and collected in front of his fury,gently rebuking him when he crossed a line; who praised him when he did welland willingly trusted him to have his back even though McCree didn’t trust him;who seemed to quietly understand why McCree acted in certain ways, accepted it,but encouraged him to choose better. Gabriel Reyes, who had faith in him whenhe wasn’t even sure he liked himself.“

And this one:

“IfWash’s head was a ghost town, then the Meta’s was a fucking wasteland.

Butthe worst part wasn’t the scorched earth and completely lifeless landscape, norwas it the stormy brown clouds above. No, the worst part was the lava that wasslowly inching its way up the mountain. It bubbled and simmered an awful sicklyorange as it creeped up bit by bit, not fast at all, but inexorably to the topof the mountain, going against all laws of physics. It was so awfully wrongthat he honestly felt sick witnessing it. Not helping was the sizzles it madeas it burned through whatever little vegetation there was and (he had no ideawhy he knew this, maybe it was because he was connected to the Meta’s brain?),it felt like the lava was actually gouging the earth, opening cracks andseeping inside, corrupting and destroying what lay within.

Wasthe Meta even a person anymore?”

(I proooobably would’ve picked something from the tuckington au but.... a lot of my favourite stuff is dialogue, or snarky narration, and idk it’s hard to choose and there aint a lot of depth to it)

28.  Favourite side character

OKAY THERE’S THIS ONE SIDE CHARACTER IN ONE MY ORIGINAL STORY IDEAS WHOM I ADORE (even though he has no name yet lmao) BUT HE’S BASICALLY REALLY SWEET AND CARING AND HE’S TRYING HIS BEST TO BE HAPPY AND SUPPORTIVE FOR ALL HIS COMPANIONS BC THEY’RE ALL GOING THROUGH HARD TIMES, BUT IT’S REALLY HARD FOR HIM AND HE’S INWARDLY SUFFERING SO MUCH BUT HE KEEPS SMILING FOR PEOPLE ANYWAY AND FLDG;DKHGFKG I LOVE HIM

29.  Favourite villain

I’m... cheating for this, I’ve never written a villain ever actually (and tbh what the fuck??? how??? i have so many original story ideas and none of them are villains??? what the fuck (maybe the true villains were the friends we made along the way))

okay so, originally, this character was gonna be the villain alright. She was mean, cruel, snarky, cunning, and manipulative. But as time went on, and I started exploring her character, wondering why she was like this, what her goal is, and I changed and shifted the plot of the story around she... sort of... became the main character. woops.

30.  Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet

IM ONLY GONNA USE ORIGINAL STORIES FOR THIS BC HOLY SHIT

Honestly, I’d probably have to go with this idea I had of a living person picking up the scythe of a Grim Reaper and becoming one and having to learn the ropes of the job.

Okay, I lied, it might actually be this detective series idea I had, wherein the main character, a police officer, has to investigate cases that, for the most part, are reminiscent, or re-imagined versions, of Quebec folk tales, and she has to figure out why the fuck this is happening.

34.  What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

FIGHTING AND ACTION SCENES I HATE THEM SO MUCH OH MY GOD THEY TAKE FOREVER AND I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE IM FUCKING THEM UP HORRIBLY I HATE THEM (I could give u a specific example, but i dont want to)

36.  Last sentence you wrote

“Shut up.”

(this is actually how chapter 2 of my tuckington high school au ends lmao and there’s nothing to gain from it have fun adri)

39.  Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had

OH SHIT I ACTUALLY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION, okay so the i have no clue where the idea came from, but for some reason i had this idea of a character who’s mental stability or whatever was linked to these bracelets she wore??? but it was more like she became more primal and animalistic the more bracelets were taken off until she lost all sense of identity, and i think it’s because she was being controlled or used by an organization or whatever. This was just a random idea that I had and okay i know it’s dark af, but it’s honestly the weirdest one. (tbh…. im not sure i have one that could be considered weird…)

45.  How much world building do you do?

all of it. just. all of it. I need to know clothes, food, architecture, cultural norms, the history of the world, how the fuck people can communicate when there are multiple countries and multiple languages, and this is why absolutely none of my original stuff has ever been written

47.  Best way to procrastinate

Day-dreaming scenes and ideas instead of writing them

48.  What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?

W O W ADRI U WANNA CALL ME OUT THAT BADLY HUH?

honestly it’s probably that main character/villain i mentioned previously, bc i just gave her all of my self-loathing and she was supposed to sacrifice herself heroically in the end and there was gonna be an entire speech about why she was the right person to do this. (if it makes u feel any better, I’ve modified it so she doesn’t actually die and everyone is like “wtf? NO!”)

also the protagonist in story, i just gave her my depression and general lostness in life. (most... of my characters... start off with a part of me I want to explore, but over time, as I flesh them out, they become their own people, and actually have nothing to do with me anymore tbh)

49.  Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?

THAT SWEET CINNAMON ROLL I MENTIONED BEFORE OMG YES, I WOULD PROTECT HIM WITH MY LIFE

50: how long do you usually let an idea fester in your mind before you’re like, “okay, i’ll write you down u little fucker”?

*LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY* OH MAN ADRI U HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’VE JUST ASKED DO U OMG WAIT UNTIL U HEAR THIS

okay so u know that story with the cinnamon roll and main character/villain? The basic plot of that story has been in my brain since around 2011. I still haven’t started to write it. (though, to be fair, that story has changed so goddamn much since 2012 holy shit, and for the better tbh)

tbh adri, ur like 80% of my impulse control, and by that I mean you make me impulsive enough to actually write things instead of letting them ruminate in my brain forevermore. Hell, I’ve only started to get back into writing fanfiction because of you, okay, if u weren’t around I’d probably just give up on writing ever, and let the idea of being a novelist be nothing more but a fantasy i daydream about.

[linssikeittomies]

Apocalypse. In 50 Years. Chapter 1: Virgin Allison

I’m lucky. Always have been. Me, my parents, their parents, and their parents as far back as we can remember have always been lucky: none of them have been seriously ill, gotten into a serious accident, or suffered major financial setbacks. We don’t have any hereditary diseases. No one has died before their 80th birthday. There hasn’t been a single divorce.

I had a good upbringing, a stable family situation and a healthy diet. My parents bought me an apartment, I got in to college on my first try, I have hobbies I love and time for them, summer is just around the corner and we’re planning a vacation to Hawaii, everything is great and I should have nothing to worry about.

But every second of the day I feel this anxious tension in my chest.

I always feel like I’m doing something wrong, or I’m supposed to be doing something else. Something is not correct, and I don’t know how to correct it. Something’s expected of me, but I don’t know what. I’ve tried going to church and mosque more, I’ve tried doing more sports, I’ve tried volunteer work, arts, science, philosophy, psychology, travelling, soul searching, nothing works. That nagging feeling just won’t go away! Sometimes it’s right there on the surface, sometimes it sinks to the background, but it’s there every second of the day and my sanity can’t take another month of this feeling! I might be the first person in my family line to have a mental breakdown.

--

There’s some kind of sound… What is that, I don’t like it, I don’t like beeping when it’s so warm. Just let me find that last bunny. It got scared of the sound. Aww, I found it, right on my desk, the alarm…

Oh, the sound was my alarm clock. Damn brilliant, time to wake up already. Whose bright idea was it to force people up before they were ready? The professors can’t like being woken at the ass crack of dawn either. Just stop having morning lectures, people! Nobody wants them! I’m the nicest girl this country has ever seen and I’m getting an impulse to murder a guy. I’ve been getting up at 5:45 the whole week, maybe I should’ve gone the other route and just not slept at all. Would’ve made it easier to drag myself out of my soft, warm, loving bed… I’ve been trying to clean up my language, but I just have to curse some right now. Gives me enough anger to push myself up. Makes me feel bad about myself, too.

The classic white and blue sailor fuku has seen a lot of use this past month, but since it still feels marginally less wrong than all my other clothes, it’ll see a little more. I brush my hair while I wait for the frying pan to heat up enough fry my omelet, then pick at it and end up only eating half. Ughhh, why did I stay up reading that fanfic last night, again? I’ve read it like ten times already, I already know damn well what’s gonna happen! I get so queasy when I’m tired… I should probably pack the rest of this omelet up and take it to school ‘cause I’ll just get hungry an hour later.

I manage to cover the bags under my eyes with make-up, and since for once I was smart and packed my bag ready last night, I just grab it and get out the door. I’ve barely closed it when my next door neighbor Ricky comes out his. He’s really nice and kinda cute, but his obvious crush on me makes our relationship a little awkward. Not that I don’t reciprocate – he’s easy on the eyes, super cute with all those freckles and dimples and supposedly carefree hair combined with a caring and shy personality. So yeah, I once considered dating him, but the overwhelming sense of WRONG! WRONG! had unfortunately made that impossible. It always flares up particularly bad when something romance-related comes to my mind, maybe I’m just extremely aromantic without realizing it? It seems being friends with him is a-ok, however. And it’s got its perks.

“Oh, morning, Ally. Did you like the cookies I gave you yesterday?” he asks, as if there was ever any doubt. “I think the cinnamon made them a little too Christmassy.”

“Not at all, they were great! I don’t get how you make them soft in the center, whenever I try they just dry up.”

“Might be too much flour”, he theorizes as we go down the stairs. He moves his messenger bag from his free side to between the two us – I’ve noticed he does that a lot, I think it’s some kind of unconscious attempt at putting up a barrier because he feels so self-conscious around me. “Or maybe you keep the oven on for too long. I always turn it off when they’re close to ready.”

I almost ask for a baking lesson, but again the WRONG flares up so I give up on the idea.

“You might be on to something, I’ll try that next time.”

He’s bad with words, so he tries to find something to say but can’t. He scratches his arm absently and opens his mouth only to close it immediately. Our conversations are rarely smooth, and these kinds of pauses are the norm. I don’t mind them that much – no point in saying words solely for the sake of making noise, after all. But Ricky seems to find them incredibly uncomfortable and a sign of failure, so often I just say something completely meaningless to help him out, give him some ideas.

“How’s school been lately?”

Ricky’s a journalism major, and has a huge collection of magazines and newspapers at his place. I wonder why he didn’t go into confectionary since he’s so good at it already. Maybe he prefers to keep it a hobby? Not even with a gun to my head would I animate for a living, even though I spend like 90 percent of my free time staring at anime.

“Nothing special”, he mumbles. “A lot of work… It, uhh, might get a little worse now that my computer broke…”

“Aww crap, I feel for you!”

“Thanks… I… spilled milk on it last night”, he admits embarrassed. He likes drinking milk with cookies, he must’ve been eating those cinnamon cookies while working on something. “It’s probably busted even if I can get it dry.”

“I can lend you my tablet if it’s any help.”

“Thanks, but… all my files were on the hard drive.”

Oh jeez, he didn’t even save the most important ones to a cloud? This guy’s just hopeless. I don’t get how he’s managed to stay alive living on his own for two years. A cute face doesn’t help much with keeping track of bills and switching fuses.

We part ways on the street and I dig out my headphones. My bus route is noisy as hell, thanks to all the “edgy” teens going to high school. For some incomprehensible reason so many of them think it’s entirely necessary to loudly laugh at the worst non-jokes and gossip about this bitch and that bitch and those assholes, while also apparently hating each other judging by the amount insults they throw at each other, but still they hang out together so I guess they really are friends…? I just don’t get them. I was never like that in high school, I actually liked my friends.

Speaking of which, I get a new message from ~BFF~.

Good morning! Saida says, and sends a selfie. Seems she’s been clothes shopping, as I’ve never seen that tunic before. The hijab is old, but it’s draped pretty elaborately. It looks really good on her, red’s really her color, and the tunic’s greenish gray complements it surprisingly well.

Woah nice! Looks great on u (^o^)b

Thanks^^ Took ten tries to drape it good, I’m thinking wearing it like this for the premiere. Only a week from now! SO excited! >o<

Grrrrreat peeps gonna luv it \(^-<)

Keep both thumbs up for me^^

Saida’s an aspiring playwright and works on a lot of amateur productions. This will the first play she wrote completely on her own. I’ve been to a couple of their rehearsals, so I know the story is about a woman whose father is murdered and she vows to catch the perp – but in the process learns that her father was actually a terrible person and was killed in revenge. I didn’t want too many spoilers so I haven’t read the script.

Can we go togthr im so proud of u (/>3>)/

Of course! We’re going for a dinner afterwards so you can come with us too

Aww, I wanted u all to myself orz

If only you were a guy you couldXD Too bad :p

Deciding to tease her about this raises the wrong feeling back to the surface, but the opportunity is just too delicious.

Ill keep that in mind (^3^)b

Oh jeez, in hindsight that was a bad joke (/-_-\)

U get im gonna teez u about this all ur life k:DDDD

In hindsight that was a REALLY bad joke -_- Have fun AT SCHOOL you little devil!>:D

Aww orz

She barely has classes this week, not that it means she actually has less work – just that she’s supposed to working on assignments at home. Unlike me, she’s really diligent and actually does her homework over a few days instead of the previous night.

--

The professor is late, as usual. Students don’t have keys for the classrooms, so we have to wait outside. It can get pretty cramped, especially at places like this: at the end of a narrow hallway, with the smelliest toilet in the building at the other end. Everyone tries their hardest to squeeze out of the way of the stench. At least in the summer it gets a little better – in the winter the pipes get frozen, and when the water doesn’t flow, the smell really starts melting off faces.

I fail at stifling a yawn, and a classmate gives me a sympathetic look. It’s so hard to stay awake when I’m not on the move, any small break just reminds my brain of how tired I am, and then it wants to go back to sleep. It even forgets about the horrible stink floating in the hallway, if only for a moment. When my head drops and I snap back to attention, it suddenly fills my nose again. I’ve repeated the process about five times already.

In fact, I’m right in the process of drifting back to sleep again when I notice her. The pale, young woman dressed all in black, sporting abyssal black hair and glowing, ember-like eyes. She stares at me intently, like a hawk hunting a rabbit, and emanates a malicious aura. Everything about her is… dark, somehow. Like she’s hard to make out, and even the bright lamps seem dimmer around her. She looks human, but in an… elongated way. Her face, her body, and especially her fingers, look a little too long and a little too spindly. She looks like a daddy long legs. I can’t shake the mental image of her creeping up the wall and skittering away in to some slight crack. I’m not used to being nervous – I consider myself a particularly brave person, but this lady is giving me the creeps! I find myself crossing my arms at my chest to get at least some kind of barrier between us, despite her standing several meters away. It’s not far enough. If possible, I would rather put several countries between us – but as it stands, all I have is half a meter of hallway.

Her eyes stare at me unblinkingly as I squeeze closer to the door, their dim glimmer drowning out all other light. I can’t look away – her gaze holds me prisoner, and laughs at my fear.

Then a light weight settles on my shoulder, and her thin lips curve into a sharp, sadistic facsimile of a smile and she whispers

                                                  FOUND YOU

before turning around and walking out. All feelings of dread melt away with her gone, and I turn to look at whoever defended me.

It’s a hand. A translucent, poorly defined, watery hand that peters out of existence at the wrist. Seeing it floods me with tranquility. It twinkles like moonwake and grips my shoulder reassuringly before fading away.

…

Wow, I must be really tired! Guess those five hour nights finally caught up with me! As interesting as this awake-sleeping was, I’d rather not repeat it anytime soon. Or, like, ever. I have got to catch up on sleepy times this weekend.

--

By afternoon I’ve almost forgotten about the creepy lady and disembodied hand. It’s Friday, I’m too excited about finally having the time to finish my Ayato cosplay to think about sleep deprivation hallucination thingies. If I hurry, I should be able to finish the coat, maybe work on the pants some more. I need to get some more glue and find the right kind of buttons, the crafts store is still open so I’ll stop by there before going to my parents’ –

“Hey, Ally!”

A classmate drags me out of my thoughts.

“Ellie decided to throw an impromptu birthday party to herself tomorrow at her place, wanna come with us?” Lisa continues. Bryan is at her side, while Lotte and Yao come up on my right.

“She’s invited a lot of her other friends, too! Place is gonna be crawling with cute chicks!” Brian informs me as he pumps his fists. He then seems to remember he’s talking to a girl. “…Or guys, if that’s your thing”, he adds meekly.

Lisa firmly shakes her head.

“Her place can’t fit more than twenty people, and our class is gonna be at least thirteen of those people.”

“Yeah, the afterparty is what’s filled with hotties!” Lotte pipes in with stars in her eyes. Our class doesn’t actually share a lot of courses, but we try to stay in contact with each other. We have a whatsapp group, and sometimes we plan parties or get-togethers. I try to take part every now and then, but so often everyone just wants to go drinking I don’t see the point in going.

“Don’t worry, Ellie said her place is an alcohol-free zone for tonight because she doesn’t want a repeat of last year!” Lisa assures me. “It’s just gonna be music and games until we go clubbing.”

Ellie is pretty nice, and the only person I kind of consider to be a friend other than Saida. I might make friends easily, but keeping them is a genuine problem. If we hadn’t been neighbors all our lives, I don’t think I would still be friends with even Saida, either. So I’d like to at least try and hold on to Ellie while we’re still in the same school.

“Alright, I’ll be there!”

“WOOOO!!!” Lotte screams and everyone else flinches.

“Jesus Christ Lotte, control yourself!” Yao snaps at her, but of course she doesn’t give a damn. Instead, she starts dancing right there in the hallway and singing some pop song off-key. I know for a fact she’s not drunk because she acts like that even in class, but it’s still almost impossible to believe. Yao grumbles quietly and facepalms in shame before walking off without another word.

“See you tomorrow!” are Lisa’s parting words, and she smiles brightly as she waves bye. Bryan punches her lightly on the shoulder and she silently pumps her fist. They’re so happy that most of the class will be there. We used to this kind of stuff a lot more often in our first year, but then summer break came and everyone drifted apart.

“Wear something nice... but not too nice”, Lotte advises, winking conspicuously. “That’d be a bit too scary.”

“Scary how?” I ask puzzled. She just blows me a kiss before WOOTing again and pseudo-dancing out the door. In a way I almost envy her utter indifference towards social norms, being her must be so freeing. I can’t imagine the tiniest worry ever enters her head. For sure she never feels anything she does is wrong.

I popped in the crafts store on the way to my parents’ – on Friday’s we always have dinner together. This week it was dad’s turn to cook, so I helped him make the asam laksa, after hiding the curry- he always tries to put in too much, and mom’s so white she can barely salt her food.

“Bismillah”, dad and I say.

“God is great, by his hand we are all fed. Amen”, mom and I say.

My parents are great at working around their faiths. They both let the other do their own thing while holding onto their own. They never tried to teach me one faith was wrong. I came to think of God and Allah as different aspects of the same entity, in a way, and had no problems growing up bi-religious. As a child God felt closer, but after graduating middle school I became more drawn to Allah, maybe partly because of Saida. That’s when we really started being good friends, despite being neighbors since birth and always being in the same class. I even wore a hijab for a while, like her, though only for, like, ten months maybe? It wouldn��t have been even that long had my parents not been kind of worried, and had I not been a rebellious little shit. I wanted to make them squirm a bit. Imagine that, an Ally who wasn’t a total goody two shoes.

“We’ve been thinking about getting a dog”, dad tells me. “I think a Maltese would be best, they’re small and playful. A dog should be social and playful, right? Real companions. I have some breeders scouted already.”

He’s super excited about this dog. One might even say suspiciously excited…

“You’re suffering from empty nest syndrome”, I quip and chuckle.

“Nonsense, I’ve always wanted a dog.”

“You never mentioned dogs before Ally moved out, honey”, mom reminds playfully.

“What? Sure I did. The house was just too small.”

Mom rubs her chin mock-thoughtfully.

“The man doth protest too much, methinks.”

“He really doth.”

Dad gets flustered and still tries to claim he’s doing no such thing. Everyone and their grandma knows he has a soft spot for anything cute and fluffy but he still likes to pretend he doesn’t. Oh, that pink teddy bear on that shelf? It was a gift for my wife, she loves things like that. I heard your cat had kittens, can I bring my daughter over to see them? What’s a few mice, they’ll be gone by winter, getting mouse traps is too much hassle.

We had to call an exterminator for the mice. In a few months they had taken over most of the kitchen.

“Well now neither will get to name the puppy.”

Aww, and I was so looking forward to that yappy little shedding machine. I would have named it Fluffy of the Incessant Noise.

“I’m thinking O’Malley. That could then be shortened to either Max or Madsie.”

“He hasn’t been this excited since your youngest cousin was born”, mom says while nudging dad with her elbow. Dad claims the dog would be mostly for mom, so she won’t get lonely while dad’s at work. Mom says Of course, honey, and lets it slide. She has a part-time job, she’s only home alone for nine hours a few days a week.

--

I leave when it starts getting dark outside. I live close to my parents, so I decide to walk home. It’s getting a little chilly outside, but that only means the air is fresh and getting under the warm covers will feel that much better. It’s quiet – oddly quiet, it’s only quarter past eight. Why are all the lights already off? I could get a few people being asleep already, but the whole neighborhood? It’s not a blackout, the streetlights are on. Weird.

I’m starting to get a little nervous. Logically thinking there’s nothing worrying around, but my gut keeps telling me something is wrong more insistently than usually. And it’s a dangerous wrong, not the this-is-not-expected-of-you-wrong.

I pick up my pace a bit, and that’s when the streetlamps start going out, too. Each one I pass under fizzles out after me. The feeling of wrong is replaced by GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!! In a blind panic I start running, but then the lamps start breaking before I even reach them! Hot glass shards rain over me as I’m left in total darkness in a large city that never sleeps!

No, that not entirely correct… There is still one light on. A single streetlamp a dozen meters away illuminates a small patch of sidewalk. Something is standing under it. Some kind of dark creature, with long talons and glinting fangs. I can hear it chuckling darkly… and it charges at me!

On instinct I put up my dukes, only realizing after the fact that it’s probably the one choice even worse than simply running – I’ve never hit anyone in my life and would just break each of my fingers before getting mauled to death… Shit! Okay, okay – but at least this way, I can die on my own terms – bring it on, bitch!

But just as quickly as it attacked, it is defeated. A blindingly bright spear of light shoots down from the sky, piercing the creature’s head clean in the center and nailing it to the asphalt. The resulting shockwave drops me on my ass on the ground. The spear stays standing, unbearably bright to look at but barely illuminating the surroundings at all. And the creature lies there motionless, not bleeding, but it’s so obviously dead I almost want to go up to it and investigate a little. My wrong radar goes off, though, so I give up the idea.

And, well, I wouldn’t have gotten that far anyway, since now a watery, half-there hand fades into view around the hilt of the spear – the same hand from school. This doesn’t feel like a dream, and in a dream I sure wouldn’t wonder if this was all a dream, but I just have to consider the possibility. Because if this is reality, I’ll have to readjust my beliefs on ghosts and I really, really don’t want them to be real!

A faint sound of flutes drifts in as the hand lifts up the spear and offers it to someone invisible. The corpse of the demonic beast quietly crumbles to dust, and all the lights flicker back on. The invisible someone starts forming a body – at first as poorly defined as the watery hand, like a half-remembered memory, but soon solidifying into a slender, paper white arm, alabaster robe, platinum blonde curls… and massive, pure white feathery wings flaring out from this picture perfect woman’s back. A softly glowing halo hums into life above her head as a single, clear ring of a church bell tolls.

If – if this isn’t an angel, nothing is. There I am, on my ass on the pavement before an emissary of God, and I can’t even manage to not gawk at her like some fucking moron!

The angel takes the spear in her hand, the watery hand waves to me and disappears, and still I can’t manage to even close my fucking mouth!

“I take it you are unharmed?” the angel asks me, her voice pure and melodic and all that poetic crap, and all I say is “Praise be to God”, like some generic and zero-thought-process and out-of-habit phrase like that is going to do any good in this situation. THINK OF SOMETHING TO SAY, DAMN YOU BRAIN!

“Get off your ass already!” a new voice huffs and startles me enough to actually make me jump despite not even standing. On my left, there is a lesbian – honestly, that’s what best describes her! She’s wearing red flannel, for fuck’s sake! A super short lesbian, she’s almost a head shorter than even me… What the hell – heck is she doing here? Can’t she see the angel standing right there? Why isn’t she boggled out of her mind at the incredible sight?! It feels so right to be in awe of her – wait… It feels… right? Why… why isn’t anything wrong now? I… This is so confusing. Where did the wrong go?

The angel graciously offers her hand to this idiotic creature, and all I can do is stutter out a simple thank you. Partly it’s my confusion at the inexplicable disappearance of wrong, and partly because she is - and I’m not shitting or embellishing this in the slightest - the most beautiful woman I could have imagined even in my wildest dreams. It’s not just how she looks, it’s also how she feels – and yes, she does look stunning, but she also emanates this aura of peace, reverence and contentment. That aura, combined with her perfectly symmetrical, slim face, large eyes in multiple hues of blue and nearly translucent, evenly toned skin puts Aphrodite, Venus and Istar all to shame.

“Thank you”, I say automatically. The angel smiles and I swear my heart skips like ten beats. Not only is she indescribably beautiful, she’s also insanely tall – I don’t even reach her armpit. As I stare up at her like some love-struck idiot, her face subtly changes – her eyes go from double-lid to monolid, her nose flattens a bit, and her cheekbones travel upwards. She’s turned from completely Caucasian to part East Asian – like me. She skin still stays just as pale, though, it even faintly glows a white light.

“We need to go, asshats!” the lesbian snaps. I reluctantly turn to look at her instead of the wonder in front of me. Her hair is blonde as well, but instead of freely flowing long waves, it’s a straight, long bob and pulled into a ponytail. Her eyes are an even turquoise, and that’s one of the only two things worth mentioning about her looks – she’s impossibly plain. She’s so plain you can’t call her ugly, not even standing next to the angel. The other thing worth mention is that bitch face of epic proportions. How she can be anything but awestruck around the angel is beyond me, but that look makes it pretty clear she despises nothing on this planet as much as she does me.

I thought the angel would be incapable of negative emotions, but even she gives a slight glare at the lesbian, like she’s being inappropriate.

“Yes, it would be best to move on before more demons arrive.”

That thing was really a demon? Not just some monster? Why was it after me? And why am I important to warrant an honest to God angel to save me? Not that I don’t appreciate it, it’s just weird that a nobody like me gets special treatment. My family’s not important, and I’m not even planning a religious career.

The angel and the lesbian start walking towards my place, and I don’t question how they know where I live. I just follow, legs weak, suddenly noticing how funny the short lesbian looks next to the giant angel. As I stifle the chuckle, I realize how rude I’m being, and to a celestial being at that!

“Ah! My name’s Ally binti Badraan! Nice to meet you!”

Both women turn to look at me, but keep walking.

“We knew that”, the angel replies smiling gently. “You may call me Rapture.”

We both look at the lesbian expectantly, and she blanks for a good five seconds. What, doesn’t she know her own name?

“…Meta. Got any smokes?”

Rapture looks like she wants to facepalm, but it wouldn’t fit her image.

“Uhh, sorry, no. I don’t smoke.”

“What are you even good for?” Meta huffs. Excuse me? What the hell kind of manners are those?! She was totally raised in a barn!

“I apologize for my subordinate”, Rapture grumbles. “It may be difficult to believe she is also an angel, but she is capable despite her personality.”

What?! The lesbian is also an angel? But – she’s nothing like Rapture! She seems like the furthest thing from angel excluding demons! Rapture, yeah, she could only be an angel, but you can’t tell me that Plain McBitchy belongs in the same genus!

“I’m here to fight demons, not to baby these bonebags”, Meta comments with a sneer. I decide not to bother with her, and address Rapture.

“So you’re powers, am I correct?”

Rapture smiles so bright I swear the whole street lights up. I hate being a broken record, but she is so beautiful! I might have to look away soon, wouldn’t want my eyes to overload.

“Oh, good to see you have read your Bible! It has been very long since I met a true believer!”

I don’t have the heart to tell her I haven’t even read the whole Bible… I skipped like 70 percent of the Old Testament. I read all the angel stuff on Wikipedia.

Come to think of it, does this prove Christianity to be the only true religion? What am I going to tell dad and Saida?

I’m just about to ask, when the angels – no, I just can’t consider the lesbian an actual angel – suddenly turn invisible. We’re right at the corner of my apartment building, and I hear someone walking towards us. I don’t want to panic, because for sure Rapture wouldn’t have left me to fend for myself if it was a demon, but can you blame me for imagining the worst when I was a second away from death mere minutes ago?

I couldn’t hide behind the dumpster fast enough, and Ricky caught me at a very embarrassing situation.

“Did you drop something?” he asks. I feel my face growing red as I try to nonchalantly brush my clothes clean and look like I didn’t just dive on the ground.

“Oh, yeah, my… thing. Girl thing.”

“I have two sisters, you can say tampon”, he laughs as he throws in his trash. I am so glad he doesn’t realize I made it sound like my tampon just fell out. “Nice evening, right? If it weren’t for the lights, you could see the stars clearly.”

Yeah, the sky is clear and there’s only a light breeze in the air. I look up at the sky, but can only see a few dots here and there. I’ve always wanted to go in the countryside somewhere at night so I could see the starry sky in all its glory. It’s just that driving in complete darkness in a strange place would be a little too scary, and I am not sleeping in a car.

I catch Ricky looking at me with a slight blush on his face, and wait for the wrong to set in to discourage any kind of romantic notion. But it doesn’t come. What happened to it? It always comes at moments like this!

“Um…” Ricky starts, wrings his hands, looks at the ground, looks at me, and starts again. “I – I cooked up something really good, if you’d, maybe, like to come in and, I don’t know, watch some anime?”

Where is that sense of wrong? I feel completely fine with saying yes to this ridiculously obvious date. It’s like it’s suddenly okay to like someone.

I – I kind of want to see what happens. It doesn’t have to lead to anything serious, I can just leave if wrong returns. Claim I didn’t realize this is a date.

I’m gonna do it!

“Yeah, okay! I got some mochi at my place, you liked the green tea ones, right?”

Ricky can’t believe I just said yes. His smile is so wide you could fit a camel in his mouth, despite him clearly trying to play it cool, like he’s a smooth player.

“Those were the kind you got me for Christmas? Where did you buy them?” Aww, he remembered! He hadn’t looked too happy with his first taste of mochi, but I guess they grew on him.

“The Chinese store on West street, they got many kinds.”

“Never thought I’d say I like green tea”, Ricky jokes and stops even trying to hide his joy.

“My favorite is durian, smells horrible but tastes heavenly.”

Does that count as an accidental pun? Rapture and Meta are still around, aren’t they? Just invisible. What’s up with that, anyway?

“Was that the purple one, or –“

Ricky is cut off by Meta suddenly appearing right at his side and making him jump away in surprise.

“Will you two just get ON WITH IT!” she yells exasperated. “I’m TIRED, I need my SMOKES, and I’m not getting EITHER while you two keep standing here FLIRTING WITH EACH OTHER!”

Ricky stares at her in terrified silence, and I can’t think of anything to say either. Meta huffs again – seems to be her thing.

“Do you at least have smokes?”

Ricky shakes his head timidly.

“Well of FUCKING COURSE you don’t! Fucking useless garbage! Thirsty little bitch who probably still wets the bed…”

“What the hell Meta?!” I yell. Yeah, I’m a nice person, but I’m not gonna just stand there while this bitch insults my friend! Angel or not, she needs to show some basic respect! “You can’t just blow up like that! Apologize!”

She stares at me in stunned silence, and I can just hear the Did this bitch honestly-! Uh-huh, you bet your ass I did! “Ricky’s a nice guy, he doesn’t deserve you giving him shit for not enabling your bad habits!”

Uh-oh, bad move. Meta goes from disbelief to fite me! in under a second.

“You realize he probably beats off to you every single night? Nice guys like him watch the most fucked up Asian bondage porn”, Meta shoots, and stomps inside.

“She’s wrong!” Ricky instantly squeaks. “I don’t even watch normal person! I swear! SHE’S LYING!”

…and he escapes. I doubt this date is happening anymore.

When I get inside, Meta is already sprawled out on the couch. Rapture becomes visible the second I close the door. She begins a long, furious rant that same second.

“Meta! Your work ethics are deplorable! We are under strict orders not to show ourselves to normal humans! You mouth off any human you meet and spend your time smoking and rotting your brain with TV and lazing around and drinking and nothing I say ever gets through to you! Get up! What a fine image you are giving your client!”

Rapture is a lot less angelic when she rants at someone she clearly considers beneath her. That feel-good aura is completely gone and her face contorts in inhuman ways. Her voice also is also slowly losing its melodic qualities and turning more and more shrill every ten seconds. And she talks for many ten seconds. Wow, can she flap her lips! She just keeps going and going and going about the innumerable flaws Meta has, while the object of this rant does nothing to hide her prissiness though she never defends herself, either. Guess she’s used to this, and knows the fastest way to get it over with is not to argue. I may not like her, and maybe I do agree with Rapture on many points, but it’s still overkill to put someone down for almost ten minutes.

“Please calm down, Rapture, I’m sure she got the message.”

Despite this being such a meek protest, she actually turns to face me – her eyes have turned black and her face is considerably more angular and sharp than earlier. She returns back to normal in seconds, like she forgot I was here and tries to pretend she didn’t just chew out her partner. Her huge wings knock off two glasses on my table, which thankfully don’t break, and after some deliberation she decides her visage is angelic enough without the wings. She sheds them by letting the feathers fall of in a dramatic cascade. Fortunately they fall through the floor and don’t just pile up for me to clean up.

“I assume you would like an explanation of the situation?” she asks, and I nod. Behind her back Meta rolls her eyes and drops back on the couch. “Your grandchild will be the second coming of the messiah.”

Messiah? As in, Jesus Christ? And his second coming? Woah, seems Christianity is the only religion. Am I gonna have to give up Allah?

“We will stay here to protect you, to ensure the bloodline keeps going.”

“Have you been protecting me my whole life? But – why would you never show yourselves?”

You’d think protecting me was a little easier if I knew what could happen to me. I could, you know, maybe try and prepare, instead of freezing and trying to fistfight a demon. Plus I probably would have gone to church a lot more often. God likes it when people go to church.

“Oh, no, we were assigned to this task today. Powers are much too conspicuous – before this, a guardian angel was more suited to the task. They are everywhere and have very little power, so they do not attract attention. But now that you have been discovered, Satan will do all in his power to break the bloodline. He will do anything to escape judgment.”

She smiles reassuringly, but suddenly her smile doesn’t captivate me like it just minutes before. Yeah, she’s still super beautiful, but hearing her nag so passionately didn’t exactly earn her points in my book.

“Not to worry, we can take anything the enemy throws at you.”

Right, yeah, I guess I should be worried about my own life, now that she mentioned it.

“So Christianity’s God is the only true god?” I blurt out. Rapture smiles brightly, while Meta vigorously shakes her head behind her back.

“So… is He or isn’t He?”

“Of course He is! What else would He be?” Rapture barks.

“He’s so far from the only one he’s not even a decimal”, Meta comments. Rapture shoots her a truly venomous look, and clearly plans to lecture her some more later.

This is all a bit much to take in… I’m the grandmother of Jesus, and angels can’t agree on whether God is the only god or not, and I’m gonna have to tell mom and dad all this craziness… Oh and my life is gonna be in danger basically 24/7 now.

“Okay guys, I need some alone time. Good night, sorry but I only have that one couch… Try and share it or something.”

Rapture lets out an indignant scoff, but I don’t look at her. I just close the bedroom door and fall on the bed. I should do my evening prayers, but what can I even say tonight? Should I pray to both my Gods, or just one? Should I address one to all the possible deities, since Meta said there’s a whole lot? Would just one shared prayer do or am I gonna have to sit here ‘til I faint from hunger?

Eventually I settle on praying to both God and Allah, as I do every evening. I simply pray for guidance. As predicted, Rapture nags at Meta, but at least she’s doing it quietly, and lets me fall asleep.

--

Crumbs… Crumbs everywhere… Poor sandwiches, can’t be easy going to school when you shed all over the floors and eat yourself for lunch, and Ham can’t even find its cow.

“BLESSED SILENCE!”

I hear a confused groan and it takes a few seconds to realize I’m the one who made it. It’s pitch black in my room.

“Sorry, it got a little too quiet”, Meta explains. I groan again. This is just great, she woke up in the fucking dead of night because it was too quiet? That’s the ideal for night!

At least I fall asleep again reasonably quick.