#i messed it up but since i used margaret as a base for that one ivan came out smaller than nathaniel but i think theyd be around the same

[iiscpr]

ivan/nathaniel collab go crazy

[son-of-rap-bear-art]

So, do y'all remember the Adventure Time Mash-Up Pack for Minecraft back in like, 2017? Me and some friends have been messing around with that map lately and revamping some of the areas we consider a bit lacking with creative mode, and for me that was the Treehouse! I got ~100 reference pics from various episodes and tried to put it all together into the most autistically accurate Treehouse I could, and I wanna share it here cause I'm really proud of it!

Feel free to skip the text and just look at the pretty pictures. Cause when I say "autistically accurate" I MEAN IT. It's MY blog and I get to choose the special interest. :p

The exterior is mostly unchanged from the official map, but I added the orange tree from My Two Favorite People, and the pond. Also the log where Finn sits and thinks in Gotcha!

Yes, I will be mentioning specific episodes like this often.

I didn't make the Grotto, because I'm not THAT crazy, but I did make the pond really deep and filled it with the sort of things you see when Finn swims down there in Beyond the Grotto.

The first thing you see when you actually go inside is the treasure room, of course! The official map's treasure room is so small and sad, but I made it more accurate to how it looks in the show, with a ton of ladders and platforms going upwards until you get to the kitchen.

Speaking of, at this point I should show the layout I based the rooms' positions on...

I put this together myself and I THINK it's the most consistently accurate layout... of course, it's a cartoon, sometimes you'll get stuff like the bathroom in the left branch for the sake of a gag in Dentist, and characters will frequently run offscreen and then teleport to another room, BUT this is what I observed to be the most common layout seen when the camera will actually follow the characters through doors and ladders and etc.

Interestingly, the ladder in the trunk actually seems to connect to the kitchen, which is HIGHER than the living room, and then you have to go down a separate ladder to get to the living room. Confusing! But it checks out.

So yeah, climbing up past the treasure room takes you right to the kitchen! Some specific details to call out here are: - The picture of PB with the two spatulas is from Abstract, and I painted it myself in-game via a mod! Unfortunately I didn't get around to other paintings yet, they're a bit annoying to make. - The urn supposedly containing Margaret's ashes, from Conquest of Cuteness, is on one of the shelves. - There isn't a single torch in this whole build! It's carefully lit up with candles, just like the Treehouse should be! - There's actually this easily missable tiny room connected to the kitchen, seen in the last pic, that has another trapdoor and also the door to the bathroom. I believe that first shows up in Incendium and then stays around forever. - The cooler is entirely full of eggs, like how Finn exclusively buys pre-boiled eggs when grocery shopping without Jake, in Temple of Mars.

The bathroom! Funnily enough, the bathroom might be the least consistent room in the whole Treehouse. It's just made up of a toilet, bathtub, and sink, but these three things shuffle around the room entirely at random from episode to episode. In this sort of situation, I consider the most accurate way to handle it to be the same as the show: just put them wherever! So I did that.

That door in the kitchen leads to this room, connected by a bridge. I just called it the "bucket room" because it has a bucket that Finn and Jake ride in in Rainy Day Daydream, although that episode has a pretty wacky Treehouse in general.

I hooked up a hand crank with the Create mod, so you can use it like an elevator kinda.

Down the other ladder in the kitchen gets you to, the living room! This room's just a small round circle in some episodes, but others have it a bit bigger.

That bookshelf is there in Jake Suit, and has Dream Journal of a Boring Man, Vol 12 on it. Since one of the decor mods I'm using lets me place down books, I copied the 3 excerpts we get to see from it down into a written book, so it's even actually there!

A really inconsistent aspect of the living room is this weird platform with a door. I can only remember it appearing in In Your Footsteps and Three Buckets, but maybe I've just always missed it? I made it lead back into the trunk, so you can use it as a shortcut up to the kitchen.

Also over here is this workbench, which to my knowledge suddenly shows up in season 8 and becomes a REALLY REALLY consistent part of the living room?? Seriously, it's in Two Swords, Horse and Ball, Abstract... It's suddenly all over the place!! But I genuinely can't recall it existing before that. Am I crazy or is this an actual thing?

Anyway, connected by bridge to the living room is the den! Surprisingly, even though it barely even shows up in any episodes, the den is SUPER messy and lived in. I tried to reflect this by jamming as many decorative blocks as I could in there.

Also for some reason this fireplace doubles as a pizza oven in Abstract? Yeah, Abstract's got a really silly Treehouse. But it was easy enough to slot in there, so I did!

Way back to the kitchen and upwards: the bedroom! I always thought the bedroom was so tiny and cramped, but a good few episodes actually show it as pretty spacious! I tried to hit a good balance.

The pictures hung up around Finn's bed are a blurry, badly taken picture of Huntress Wizard, and a clearly old picture of Flame Princess. They're both cute choices for Finn's future, and are my girlfriends' respective favorite characters, so I included both :D

I also included the attic, which as far I know ONLY appears in Dad's Dungeon. I think it's neat, though, so I put it here. It'll be nice for survival mode storage.

If you exit through the attic, you can get to the cloud that Finn and Jake have tied down for its rainwater. The dripstone on the underside looks a bit ugly, but it makes it functional! If you scoop water out of any of the cauldrons with a bucket, it'll slowly refill with water from the cloud!

We're nearing the end! Here's a back shot of things. I added the power lines, Neptr's cave, and the farm. For some reason, Holly Jolly Secrets has a second, distinct set of powerlines, but those would be ugly so I didn't include them.

Lastly, the chicken coop, as seen in BMO Noire and mentioned in Three Buckets, featuring Lorraine. Who looks like Boobafina in this texture pack, which is silly.

I'm... honestly not very satisfied with the coop's placement, as BMO Noire shows it being out on a rarely-seen branch, but this is the best I could do without a major facelift on the tree itself.

So, yeah! That's the image limit. There's a good few extra details scattered around here and there, but I'll leave it at that. I hope this is as fun to read as it was for me to write :D

[kaseyskat]

the other day i wrote a little smth as a warm up that is based mostly on musings i associate with @officialgleamstar (thank u travvy ily) and i have decided against my better judgement to post it! for funsies

~~~

Taylor’s mom bought the house.

It was a gift to them, after Normal had studied and studied to learn a spell that could regrow her disintegrated hand and after the near end of the world left them far too behind in their schooling to catch up. A safe place: they didn’t have to live there, but Link stayed there as he slowly mended the relationship with his dad, and sometimes Taylor would come for solitude, and sometimes Normal would visit just to get away from his family.

And Scary? Well.

After her stepdad’s death, she hadn’t gone back home. How could she? Her relationship with her mother was irreparably destroyed, torn to shreds and left a bleeding corpse. It was hard enough to call her when all was said and done, hands trembling as she tried to explain the craziness of the world.

She loves her mother. Her mother doesn’t deserve this: a heart broken twice over, the death of her husband and subsequent death of the daughter she knew. No, it was easier for Scary to go to Normal’s dad and beg him to use magic to wipe her mother’s memory, to give her a chance to start again.

She hopes that she’s happy, somewhere, somehow. It would make everything worth it.

Hermie stays with her at the new house most often. He, too, couldn’t go back home to his adopted parents after everything, not with how long he’s been gone, the truth of his heritage revealed. Despite it, Scary almost doesn’t mind: she likes the company, surprisingly enough.

Hermie’s mellowed out over the years. Now, at eighteen, she’s been working on her GED just like Scary has, wanting to fly over the world and audition at different colleges. I still think it’d be neat to get on Broadway, they had confessed to Scary once, when the dark of the night had been heavy and oppressive and all they could do was sit on the porch and share a blunt. Feels like a silly goal after the end of the world, though.

When they’re not trying so hard, he’s actually kind of a neat person. Scary finds his company endearing.

They never had gotten their marriage annulled. It was pointless: Taylor’s dad, for all his charms, was legally dead after disappearing when Taylor was a kid, and it would just be too much effort. Scary doesn’t think she minds, even if she hadn’t technically consented to the marriage in the first place.

Tonight, though, Normal is the one visiting. She finds him sitting in the living area, curled up in the pillows, staring wistfully at the TV screen when she comes down the stairs to make herself dinner.

“Hey, Norm,” she greets, softly, watching the way his gaze flickers to her and back again. “What’s wrong?”

“Hi, Terri,” Normal mumbles, and he shifts around a little bit, leaving just enough space for Scary to squeeze in next to him, drawing him into her arms. He goes willingly, pliant against her chest, shivering.

His hair has grown out into a wild mess of curls that he’s braided loosely. It’s cute. He’s cute, although Scary would never admit so out loud.

“Mom’s made some progress with Margaret,” he explains, his tone muffled as Scary starts to work on unbraiding his hair– as it is, it’s half fallen out, and will only make it harder to sleep later, she knows the pain pretty well. “But with Dad spending so much time with my grandparents… I don’t know. It just gives me the creeps. Is that bad?”

“If you want me to tell you you’re not a bad person, you’ve come to the wrong gal,” Scary snorts. “I’m glad to see you though. Feels like it’s been forever since you came to visit last.”

“I might stay for a few days this time. At least until Dad gets back. She told me that she’d be finding an apartment when she came back to San Dimas, so I won’t have to deal with Margaret smiling at me all the time.” Normal shudders, and he makes a quiet whimpering sound as Scary’s fingers brush a little too close to his neck.

“Stay as long as you want, seriously,” Scary tells him. “Hermie’s been practicing monologues at me again, and let me tell you, I did not miss the method acting one bit.”

Normal laughs at that, and then they fall quiet.

For some reason, he’s the easiest one to deal with, in the aftermath of it all. Link is just… angry at the world, and all the sweet charm that had attracted Scary to him in the first place is gone, replaced with a quiet frustration. Oh, he’s still the loyal teddy bear to them and the others, but even as he repairs things with Grant…

…he hasn’t been the same, after it all.

Then again, had any of them? Scary thinks if she told her younger self that one day she’d be here, living in an extravagant house paid by a famous voice actress, holding Normal Oak in the closest facsimile to a relationship she’s ever had… well, she’d think it was a crazy fever dream, for sure.

It’s nice. Scary’s had the concept of family broken and plastered with glue and duck-tape and then broken again, but somehow she’s found it, and she’s found it here: playing with Normal’s hair, twisting the curls in her fingers now that it’s freed from its constraints, his head tucked into her chest, body pliant against hers.

It’s the closest thing to love that she has, and by the Gods Above, she’s going to take it.

“Norm, I can feel you falling asleep against me,” she finally says, snickering with amusement at the way Normal only hums in response. “Do you wanna change first? Or at least go upstairs?”

“I’m already comfy right here,” he replies, the pout evident in his tone, and to punctuate it, he nuzzles further into her chest, nudging Scary backwards until she’s comfy herself against the arm of the couch, Normal crumpled in her arms. Here, their legs are intertwined, and she can still play with his hair, and the blankets they keep on the couch for this specific reason are all tangled around them.

“You’re gonna have to deal with my backache tomorrow,” she warns, but she can’t keep the smile out of her tone, and she hesitates, and then commits, leaning in to press a kiss to Normal’s forehead. “Get some rest, dork. I’ll get Hermie to make us pancakes in the morning.”

“Hermie’s pancakes suck,” Normal huffs, but as his breath evens out, Scary just smiles again.

It’s not what she pictured for herself, sure, but in this moment? There’s nowhere else she’d rather be.

[grimmswan]

Drunken Snuggles

Captain Swan AU / Killian Jones/Emma Swan AU

A very drunk Emma texts best friend, and secret crush, Killian, wanting to be held and snuggled. Since he is also drunk, it leads to some comical behavior.

Based on a Discord prompt by @everything-person

Emma was on her fifth shot when a brilliant idea came to mind.

“I want to cuddle with somebody. Somebody with a warm strong body.” The image of her best friend and secret crush came to mind. She got out her phone.

“Who are you texting?” Mary Margaret asked, trying to lean over and look at Emma’s phone.

“Killian. He always says he will be there for me if there is anything I need. Well, I want snuggles.”

“I think he’s playing cards with the guys.” Ruby said. “He might not hear his phone.”

Emma pouted with disappointment as she watched the message she had just sent out signal it was delivered.

A few seconds later, she heard Killian’s sexy voice say loudly, “Mates, I need to find Emma.”

Her head whipped to the direction it came from, and saw the three guys at the billiard tables.

“Killian!” Emma shouted with glee.

“Swan!” Having gotten his attention, he was moving just as fast toward her.

“What are you three doing here? I thought you were having a girl’s night?” David asked his girlfriend.

“We were.” Mary Margaret rolled her eyes. “I told you Ruby, Emma, and I were coming here. I thought you guys were going to play poker at Killians.”

“I forgot which bar you said. Two of the guys called and said they had something else come up and couldn’t make it. It wouldn’t have been much of a game with three people, so we decided to come here and play pool.”

“Oh this is going to be good.” Ruby grinned wolfishly, holding up her phone, recording the exchange between Emma and Killian.

“I didn’t know you were a cuddle bug, love. I would be more than happy to fulfill your request.”

Emma giggled. “How are you always able to use pretty words, even when drunk.”

“Maybe because I’m always looking at you, and becoming drunk on your beauty.”

“How many has he had?” Mary Margaret asked.

David thought for a moment. “He was finishing a beer when I arrived at his apartment. He had two while we were waiting for August and Robin. And since we’ve been here, he’s had two shots and a rum and coke, doubling on the rum.”

“He’s going to be sick as a dog tomorrow.” Graham observed.

“Most likely, so will Emma.” Ruby pointed out, adjusting the light on her camera phone. She didn’t want to miss a single second of Emma and Killian being ridiculous in the bar.

At the moment, Killian was helping Emma climb on him. He held her up by holding onto her butt while her arms and legs were wrapped tightly around them.

For the next three hours, the two of them stayed like that. The only change was that Killian was sitting, but he still insisted on holding Emma firmly to him, mostly by holding her butt.

When it was time to leave, the rideshare driver had a very confused look on his face when the koala couple entered his car.

CAPTAIN SWAN

Emma woke with a groan, head throbbing.

Panic suddenly gripped her and added to her misery when she shifted and realized her head was laying on a naked chest. A naked chest that happened to be covered in thick curly hair.

There was only one person she knew with a chest like that.

No. How could she have been so stupid? Killian was her best friend. Sure she was in love with him. But she had been through enough relationships to know she always messed things up. And if she messed things up with Killian, she would destroy the best thing in her life.

Killian’s head was pounding, and the contents of his stomach were threatening to make a reappearance. He didn’t want to open his eyes, for fear that he wouldn’t be able to make it to the bathroom, for fear of becoming sick all over the bed.

But laying there, fighting back the contents of his stomach, he slowly became aware of the fact he wasn’t alone.

Gradually, he opened his eyes, and instantly recognized the blonde hair laying on his chest.

Guilt, dread, and regret joined his misery. Killian had been in love with Emma Swan since he first set eyes on her. He had hoped to gain her trust and win her over.

When they finally made love, he wanted them both to be completely sober. He needed her to want him, choose him. For every detail to forever be ingrained in their minds. He didn’t want their first encounter to be some drunken fling.

Slowly, carefully, they parted from one another.

“Morning, Swan.”

“Morning.”

Neither looked at the other. Each feared the other would only have disgust and shame in their eyes.

They stumbled their way through getting cleaned up, dressed, and to the kitchen, hoping to get very large cups of coffee.

“You know nothing happened.” Mary Margaret assured them, sensing the new awkwardness between them was due to some misunderstanding. “Trust me, you were both too drunk to do anything.”

“We weren’t wearing clothes when we got up this morning.” Emma’s irritation with herself made her blurt out the statement.

“Probably because you got hot.” David suggested. “You each had at least six shots of whisky, I know that always makes me feel overheated.

“The two of you passed out nearly right after you stumbled into Emma’s room.” Ruby told them. “I know. I was listening for any fun noises, and all I heard was snoring.”

“I don’t snore.” Emma defended herself.

“You do when you’re really drunk, honey.” Mary Margeret confessed to her with a look of pity. “After Ruby’s birthday party, when you had drunk about eight margaritas, you and Killian had passed out on the couch, and you were both snoring.”

“I’ve heard freight trains quieter than you two.” Graham added his own input.

“Here.” Ruby held up her phone. “I recorded you guys at the bar, and in the rideshare. You can see for yourselves.”

Killian sighed with relief. He hadn’t messed things up between himself and Swan.

And seeing the video, he had proof that Emma shared his feelings.

Mood greatly improved, Killian moved closer to Emma and said cheekily, “I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to snuggle again, Swan. Though I would prefer it if we were sober. I want to actually remember it.”

For the first time that morning, Emma smiled.

The group made a big breakfast, with plenty of fried bacon and eggs, and chose to spend a lazy day in their apartment.

It escaped no one’s notice that Emma and Killian sat pressed against one another, and continued to snuggle together for the rest of the day.

 And every day after.

[megthetrain]

Sodor's Revolutionary Team: Origins

Section 1: The Revolutionary Operator

Chapter 2. January 7th, 1910

It was a chilly day on the island of Sodor. An engine had stopped by Wellsworth Station. Its Operator and Engineer were taking a lunch break in a small restaurant located not far away.

Inside, a man was hard at work, preparing a nice warm stew for the Operator and Engineer. A lady was busy making the two hot cocoa. Meanwhile, at a separate table, a small boy was fiddling with a small piece of wood.

"Look at me!", he thought, "I'm the greatest train operator in the world!", as he swang around his piece of wood. This boy was, of course, Raymond.

Raymond's intense swinging caught the eyes of the Operator and Engineer. They laughed.

"Oh, silly boy!", they said, "If you want to be a train operator so bad, you should show us some talent!"

"Talent?", Raymond asked, "Of course I have talent!"

The Operator chuckled. With a wave of his hand, he produced a bit of fire in his left palm. The Engineer also waved his hand, producing some steam.

But before I go any further, you must know this. The world is an unfair place. A dog eat dog world. Especially during this time on Sodor. In this world, humans were so biologically advanced to the point where they each had individual powers and abilities. These abilities further conceited the human race and further contributed to the eventual downfall of the Wellsworth and Suddery Railway, as well as other ones.

Pairing trains and superpowered humans together is risky, but controllers were forced to do it. Superpowers kept the trains in check since they knew who was the boss. Sure some resisted, but the skills of these humans helped the trains when they were in a jam, so eventually they earned the train's respect. But let us go back to a chilly day on January 7th, 1910.

"Well, I can make many me's!!", Raymond retorted.

Setting down the piece of wood on the table, Raymond stood up and clapped his hands together. Two figures appeared next to Raymond. They both looked like him, but there was a noticeable difference. One was slumped over, while one had its fists clenched.

"Oh, just 5 more minutes of sleep!", the one slumped over said.

"What do you want now?", the one with its fists clenched demanded.

What you just read, is Raymond's ability. The ability to clone. But with all abilities, there are some drawbacks. The clones are personalized based on character traits and can change based on Raymond's mood. Because of that, they have minds of their own and can be quite fussy.

The Operator and Engineer smiled.

"Good show!", the Engineer remarked, "The last time we messed with you, you could only produce one!"

Raymond smiled. The clones disappeared.

"Maybe I do have a chance.", he thought.

Just then, Raymond's mother, Mrs. Browns arrived. She had brought cups of hot cocoa for her, Raymond, the Operator, and the Engineer!

"Why thank you, Margaret!", the Operator exclaimed, taking a cup.

"It's nothing, Theo.", Margaret responded, "Both you and Mark have been regulars for ages!"

"Your boy's been training, Margaret.", Mark said, taking a cup, "He managed to make two clones appear this time!"

"Oh, really?", Mrs. Browns said, looking at Raymond. "How wonderful!"

Raymond smiled even more. First, he managed to impress both the Operator and the Engineer and now he had a huge cup of hot cocoa. Although he noted to himself, he still felt a bit chilly. Just then, Mr. Browns arrived with the stew, setting down 5 bowls for everyone present. Mrs. Browns handed Mr. Browns a separate cup of hot cocoa.

"Do you mind me eating too?", Mr. Browns asked the workmen. "It is about lunchtime already."

"Oh no problem, the Operator replied. "We've known each other since boyhood, Hugh, you can eat with us anytime!"

Mr. Browns smiled.

Mr. Browns said, "I had to ask. It is weird to eat with your customers after all. But you are the only two here."

"More people should come.", the Operator said to reassure Mr. Browns, "They are just busy, after all. Maybe a train will come with a bunch of hungry passengers!"

Mr. Browns sighed.

"They mainly come around dinnertime, really.", Mr. Browns responded.

Mr. Browns turned to look at Raymond, his pride and joy.

"Anyways, I heard something quite special. Did you manage to make two clones today Raymond?", Mr. Browns asked cheekily.

"Oh, yes I did!", Raymond exclaimed.

"That's my boy!", Mr. Browns exclaimed back, ruffling Raymond's hair.

This excited Raymond even more.

"I do have a chance!", he thought.

After that exchange, the five ate their meals. After the Operator and Engineer paid the bill, they went off to their train. They operated a goods train, and the goods weren't going to move themselves.

"Bye-bye!", Raymond and Mr. and Mrs. Browns exclaimed.

"Bye!", the Operator and Engineer exclaimed back.

"I'll try for three clones next time!", Raymond shouted.

After that, Mr. Browns' statement from earlier came true. Most of the hungry passengers arrived around dinnertime, hungry from the work day.

So concludes January 7th, 1910.

[thebreakfastgenie]

prime time 7-11-13-17

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

I've answered this before for MASH but BJ. I don't actually hate canon BJ, I do hate fanon BJ, and this took me a while to sort out. But even though I don't hate him I do still get a "shut up about BJ!!!" reflex because he's so popular in the fandom people will make posts that are not about him about him.

Lowkey Helen Whitfield too because I cannot stand Margaret/Helen as a ship and she's such a minor character I don't have a strong opinion about her just based on her episode. I also don't hate or even dislike Potter, but Potter being more popular than Henry made me permanently team Henry lol.

I've mentioned before that TWW fandom on twitter made me like Donna less... trying to think if there are any other examples of this. Oh I've literally never watched Black Sails and never will because it looks extremely boring and the dialogue makes me cringe, but I hate James Flint because his fans are so annoying. There are also MASH characters I started liking out of spite...

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

0! I don't have anything filtered. I don't even know how it works (this is not an invitation to tell me; if I wanted to use this feature I would learn how). I've been raw-dogging tumblr since 2012. You cannot kill me in any way that matters.

13. worst blorboficiation

Okay I know I said this about Hawkeye before and I stand by that. I think people project their own opinions and experiences onto him a lot in ways that at best aren't implied by canon and at worst actively contradict what we know about him. But BJ gets it too.

Now, BJ is the Bella Swan of the fandom, so I get it. But I see so many post bout how messed up he is or how he has thus and such trauma (I've seen both religious trauma and daddy issues attributed to him) and none of that is in the show or really fits the character we see in the show. Additionally, a lot of fandom content is oriented around BJ's supposed journey, leaving him the only one with agency in a lot of fics. I don't only see this from beejhawk shippers, either (though I do see it mostly from them because most BJ fans ship it). I had that anon a while back that was upset about how I viewed BJ and Peg's marriage and like... BJ is a Fifties Man and I don't think people always want to deal with that (he can be a good individual person and still be part of a system) but to me it's what makes him interesting.

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

I know I said gen fic already, but gen fic. Gen angst specifically would be great because I really like canon-compliant angst. Character studies!! In terms of art, I really like bold styles and art that's more than just drawing a character.

[aikoiya]

Thank you!

I'm also thinking, instead of just going outright Pat O'Brian, what if I literally go the angle of merging the characters of Pat O'Brian & Ralph Dibny here? So, I'm going with the initial name, Pat Dibny & a merging of their backstories & powers.

Like, I really enjoyed Ralph in the Flash show & I especially enjoyed his sleuthing, but joking nature. If I remember rightly, he was actually legitimately good as a detective & was, evidently, a talented chemist, just not the best at being very serious, is all. I also liked his love for mysteries.

So I very much like the idea of merging the 2 & maybe having his wife also be a detective too to sort of go a similar route to Joshua & Margaret from Adventure Time. Like, literally make it a family business.

In such a situation, as Plastic Man, he'll have all of Plastic Man's powers, but plus Elongated Man's enhanced sense of smell.

Regardless, he'll end up in a happy, healthy, & supportive marriage. Because Pat should get at least 1 iteration where he gets to be happy.

I also like how Pat O’Brian continued to maintain his connections with the criminal underworld to gather information despite having reformed. It'll be useful both as a hero & a detective, so I'm keeping that.

My thoughts are that Pat Dibny was initially a corrupt cop in Gotham, who was using his connections to help him as a crook (Kite Man). But after everything with his nieces & nephew, as well as the accident that turned him into Plastic Man, plus his encounter with the monk who turned away the police when he sensed in him a greater capacity for good, he realized that he'd been completely dissatisfied with his criminal life & remembered his childhood dream of one day becoming a detective. And the original reason why he became a cop.

It'd been so long since he was that bright-eyed kid absolutely enthralled with mysteries & a desire to help clean Gotham up... He guessed that all the corruption in the force had just... it got to him... beat him down... In a way, Kite Man was his way of getting out his frustration…

His gang didn't know it, but he tended to donate his portion of the loot to the many orphanages around Gotham as he'd been one since 10.

As a P.I., he does a lot of work involving things like kidnapping & child trafficking. That isn't to say that he doesn't also do murder cases, stolen items, & other things, but he definitely tends to get a lot more driven when the victims are kids. Which, he tends to be really good with due to his personality.

But, based on _ suggestion, I do like the idea that he initially adopts them illegally, but after the accident, meeting the monk, & deciding that he wants to change & be better. Batman notices & helps him to create a new identity & legally adopt his nieces & nephew.

Which, would make it easier for him to become a P.I. because if he has a new identity, then he can't be a cop anymore. Because only Pat Dibny was registered as a cop. But, now, he's Ralph O'Brian & he can finally pursue his own dream of solving mysteries & cleaning up Gotham, but without the corruption saturating the GPD getting in the way of his every attempt.

I can also see him, Dick, & even Gordon becoming drinking buddies that often commiserate over the sorry state of the force & plot how to root out all the corrupt cops in the precinct, which Ralph can act as an anonymous source for.

Oh! I love the idea of them & Jason all coming over to play cards with the Villain Fam on weekends after they move to the new house!

Also, I'm thinking that, for the Maddie & Jack situation, we could go a similar route to the Ao3 fanfic series A Phantom In New York City. Or even take a couple of cues from Shadow of Doubt & Phantom of Truth where, yes, Maddie & Jack really freaking mess up. And they mess up bad, but they legitimately love their children. Thing is, they are egotistical & tend to have difficulty taking other people's opinions into account.

Not to mention, I see them as having issues with their senses of object permanence. This, as well as my hc that Jack & Maddie are both neurodivergent in some shape or form, results in them getting wrapped up in their own heads, wrapped up in each other, laser focusing on their fixations (namely ghosts) &, at times, results in them being unintentionally negligent despite really & truly adoring their family.

They are also the scientists who managed to prove without a shadow of a doubt that ghosts are real. And this is after having been disregarded for years as crackpot within the scientific community.

As a result, now they tie their pride to being right. Especially when it comes to ghosts.

And we all know their initial thoughts on ghosts. All of them are evil.

Now, because of this, if the reveal doesn't take place correctly, it can result in them reacting in the exact worst way possible.

In other words, I think in order for it to go well, I believe that they both need to be convinced that Phantom & Danny are the same person or they will incorrectly believe that he is either being possessed or has been replaced by Phantom. Or at least, that Danny a/o Phantom ‘believe’ they are.

If they aren't convinced, then they will do what I'm sure a lot of angst phans believe, attempt to capture him & either torture him until he tells them where Danny is or attempt to ‘purge him of Phantom’s influence.’

Now, at the end of the day, even if the reveal goes the exact wrong way, I still think it's possible for things to get better. However, again, the key is them realizing that Danny & Phantom are the same person. Though, if it isn't via the use of science to, like, scan his DNA or something, then they're liable to believe that Danny died in the portal & may not even contemplate the possibility that the residual electricity may have resuscitated his body, thus returning him to life.

As such, they'd believe that his ghost was possessing his own corpse. Or, if they do think of it, they might think that the ‘ectoplasmic imprint of consciousness’ created by his own death was possessing his body & may try to expunge it.

Either way, they might try to separate his ectoplasm from him via the Ghost Catcher. However, I'm of the opinion that due to literally being half-ghost, this would divide his personality, though in different ways depending on what he wants at the time.

And, while the 2 halves would be okay for a while, as time would pass, both would begin to degrade until the ghost destabilizes & the human dies.

Basically, bad times.

But yeah, back to the idea I have for the actual story.

I want a fic where Danny is adopted but not by the JL but a villian. BUT! It is a very minor villian to the point where people are absolutely gobsmacked when he calls the villian dad, like everyone just stops what they're doing and watch the interaction. Bonus points if they find out that Danny is an absolute powerhouse monster and wonder what entity away from God's light did they fuck to have him.

"That's your son?"

"Yes."

"The glowing white haired teen?"

"Yes."

"The same glowing white haired teen that just froze a star and then ate it?..."

"Yes! And?"

"THE FUCK YOU MEAN "AND?", HE JUST ATE A STAR!!"

___________

Danny in a less than human form: *screeching*

"Scream all you want but you still have school tomorrow and you're going."

Danny: *leaves taking the cold and weirdness with him*

"Sorry about that, he gets a bit cranky when he has to take a nap."

The rest of the villians in the meeting terrified: Oh...

___________

"It would much easier if you got your son to help with your task."

"Absolutely fucking not! He's not going to do ANY vigilante/villian bullshit if I have any say in it."

"You have the ultimate weapon at your side and you-"

"My son is blessing not a weapon, I advise you to NEVER speak about him like that ever again."

____________

Villian, threatening JL Hero: Tell your kid stay away from my son, he doesn't need any of that shit yall bring into his life.

JL Hero: What?

____________

Personally I like to imagine this somebody as Kite-Man but that's just me, use whoever yall like.

[knifepatron]

(reposting bc the last one got messed up) 

part 1 of some precanon changelily thoughts which i will try my best 2 explain under the cut

so basically copy-pasting what i said on twitter: (this isnt any kind of theory this is just headcanon stuff that spiraled into a whole thing i spent way too much time thinking about)

also everyone should read this thread from mr damato about travis and margaret and fate and luminaries first its rly tasty and i pulled a lot from it (not gonna link it bc tumblr will eat the whole post but heres the first twt in case yall wanna search for it which u should)

and! this isnt necessarily taken directly from characterizations in the show as much as it is like, stuff i thought would be a fun precursor to the versions of them we have now

with what we know abt margarets view of fate as duty and travises view of it as loss of agency its fun 2 think the first time their story played out as margaret trying to live up to a kind of protagonist heroism and travis sorta stuck in the role of distressed love interest. we also know they both knew the changelings tale and were probably kind of aware of their own role in some iteration of it, but i think travis was genre savvy in a “i can understand the story conventions at play here and use them to my advantage” way and margaret was narrative aware like this

more on the travis thing. a lot of his Deal has to do with a sense of narrative, cosmic powerlessness that he flips between broodingly resigning himself to, lashing out against by being impulsive and self destructive, and playing up around others when its useful

in the gencon eps he says since starfall hes gotten by getting people to help him out by lying and making up tragic backstories for himself but we learn in ngoni hes never even tried to learn anything abt his whole changeling situation. he’ll seek help from people but not for himself AS himself, only as whatever pitiable but charming role hes inhabiting at any given time because vulnerability sucks so much ass!!! and its easier and also very much safer to accept shelter from people while keeping them at arms length by making them think youre something youre not so you can cut when they stop being useful

so idk knowing even before margaret entered the picture he was always kinda Like That i have a hard time imagining hed just like, get a crush on some rando in the woods. also i think romances based in several layers of artifice and performance that accidentally develop something genuine are fun

and like, if morningstar saw enough in him as a child to decide he shouldve gotten sent to the shadow realm, we like 2 joke abt travis being the Worst Guy but in addition to puppeting the captains body around and rigging the crew vote what else is on the heavier side of the spectrum of shitty things he could do? find some kind snake-pitying mortal and use her willingness to help him and their shared knowledge of story conventions to pull her into a doomed fable just to spite tfq and test the limits of his own power as a/the Changeling? idk maybe. i think it was to orimar that travis said when youre alive for so long you have to make little games to keep yourself sharp

so at least at first he doesnt seek margarets help against tfq as himself, he does it as The Changeling, or as Tam Lin, or as William the mythological archetype, as someone who can be saved by The Maiden and play a part in her story to make her feel important and useful because he knows thats what she wants. like ig in a way trying to kickstart your own insisting-on-itself luminary myth in such a way that you can keep a certain level of self awareness and control over it. learning the rules to break them and all that

but genre savvy and wont save you!! you changeling in the game you changeling in real life!!!! and now youre in love love with the mark of your con because unfortunately part of her whole thing is being very easy to fall in love with

but then like. what if she only cares about you for the image of yourself youve tailored to her lure her into helping you? isnt that what you wanted? what if she realizes your deception and leaves? what if she doesnt and dies here?

and theres a bitterness with someone taking for granted freedoms you dont have, throwing them away to be with you and for what? because she pities you? because she thinks she can save you? because doing so would serve her own self image? how dare she. pictures unrelated (im sorry women specifically crane wives mabel podcast and mitski for taking contextless bits for scraps to apply to little podcast guys)

so where does the tragic changeling performance as an emotional manipulation tactic end and the genuine cry for help self-justified as a narrative 4d chess power play begin? idk

will get more into my thoughts abt margarets whole deal later but i have finals this week so that might not happen for a minute egehge 

[vickyvicarious]

For the ask game: Regina, Emma, and Killian from Once Upon a Time?

Three, huh? All right, can do. I’ve done this game for at least Emma and Killian before, a long time ago... hopefully I won’t be repeating anything!

(Once again, these are based on pre-Camelot, since I stopped watching fairly early on into that arc.)

Adding a readmore partway through Regina since this got long...

Regina

Headcanon A:  realistic

Being Mayor of Storybrooke was a really good learning experience for her. Sure, she had been a queen for a while before that, but based on the flashbacks I would say she was not paying much attention to the day-to-day duties of being a ruler. No trade deals, no study of the law of her country, no effort put in to learning what kind of taxes might be reasonable, or coordinating aid efforts to help with that drought/illness/bad crops, etc. She was very focused on herself at the time, and just didn’t pay much attention.

But in Storybrooke, while everything came pre-set in the way she wanted, she was still Mayor of an actual town for a long time. Not only was it more expected in this world, but there’s also just upkeep that has to happen. The magic kept people from getting older, but not Henry’s playcastle on the beach, for example. Regina had to be in charge of keeping the town functioning, and there’s only so much magic could do. So she actually learned how to do the right paperwork, a bit of how to allocate a budget, etc.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

Regina was all ominously proud of her apple turnover in S1. Obviously, this was actually about the poison apple thing, but I think it would be really funny if she’d made that joke before. Like, Storybrooke probably got kind of boring at times when she was the only one who remembered. Add in the fact that it’s definitely the kind of place that had an annual baking competition or something...

Regina got the idea once to make an apple-based dessert and submit it to the competition, after ensuring Mary-Margaret was a judge. It wasn’t poisonous, but it made her very amused to see her once again just willingly eating the apple, so to speak... however, Regina lost the competition horribly that first year. Her dessert did not taste good at all. This did not sit well with her, and so she practiced and practiced (full on training montage) until she has pretty much mastered several apple-themed desserts, specifically to win the competition every time and make Mary-Margaret have to eat them for her own private amusement. She also definitely did the “give an apple to your child’s teacher” thing multiple times as well.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

When she was a little girl, Regina used to write letters to an imaginary friend. She couldn’t send them to anyone, since she didn’t actually have any close friends (closest she had were polite acquaintance of similar social class or nice servants/staff in whom she knew better than to confide), so she just collected them. They were a sort of diary for her. At first, she was really friendly and optimistic about her home life, but this soon devolved into lying fantasies about what it would be like if she had a happy family. She wrote about a mother who loved her deeply and wanted to spend time with her, about messing something up and no one scolding her, about her father defending her from some mean lady who’s clearly a stand-in for Cora (since letter-Cora is perfect), and all that sort of thing. It wasn’t all about her family, letter-Regina also had a super special horse who she rode to win a race, and the cook always made her favorite treats, etc., but the family stuff was the majority of it.

Her father found the letters one day, and thought they were sweet. Meaning well and absolutely missing the context, he showed them to Cora. She called Regina in to watch as she burned them, scolding her for wasting time daydreaming when she should be focusing on bettering herself in order to make a good match down the line.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Regina was not able to give Henry a TLK. I have talked about this in the past (here’s the link to the TL;DR, which itself has a link to the longer rambly thoughts), but I don’t think their relationship was such that she could, despite wanting to. And that’s not even taking into consideration that she lacked a heart at the time.

In my ideal world, Regina secretly hoped to be able to give him a TLK, and her failure to do so was kind of a wake-up call. It could easily go the other way into feeling like the whole world is against her, but this time it didn’t. She thought about her relationship with Henry and when he was saved (through whatever other reason), she realized just how badly she never wanted this to happen again. She wanted to change - and this time, she was willing to put in the work. Of course, it took time and there were probably backslides and stuff, but Regina began to really put in the effort to repair her relationship with Henry, to actually treat him as important and to value him outside of herself. This didn’t magically repair her relationship with anyone else (the whole point of this headcanon is effort vs magical change!) but treating Henry with respect and care meant not starting stuff with the other people he loves, and in general it became easier over time. Emma supported Regina a lot too, mostly for Henry’s sake in the beginning, but it did help.

Basically, the failed TLK led to a more realistic ‘redemption arc’ where Regina was kind of shocked out of being selfish or taking Henry for granted, and this eventually led to a much healthier outlook on her part where she felt less persecuted and accepted her responsibility for her actions, without feeling too overwhelmed to keep on trying for a better future even if not everyone can/does forgive her. She and Henry would be so much happier, despite it taking a while, and it would feel earned to me. Plus, it means that she wouldn’t succumb to the temptation to blame everything on the Author, a storyline I really hated.

.

Emma

Headcanon A:  realistic

She’s very smart, got a good sense for when people are lying, and is good at noticing and following up on relevant details. Emma never finished high school, though she did later get her GED, and definitely never went to college. While she was doing pretty well for herself as a bail bondsperson, she actually had been thinking about getting a private investigator’s license and starting her own business. There’s a fair bit of overlap between the two careers, and Emma liked the idea of not having to work for anyone else, and also being able to hopefully be a little more choosy about the clients she chose.

She was still in the process of researching the requirements and debating over taking some local college courses in that field before trying to actually make any big changes, when Henry showed up at her door.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

I really love the idea of Emma bipiddy-boppedy-booing about once she gets better with her magic. Just using it for little, silly things that no one else really uses magic for. (Maybe the reason is that most people don’t have that much magic to use for frivolous stuff, or the magic always has a price makes them way of depending on it too much.) But Emma doesn’t depend on it, she only just kind of plays with her magic, pretty much only in private, but she finds it really fun. So she will sneakily change the color of her dress while spinning in the mirror, or she will animate all the socks to race one another into the laundry machine, or whatever. Just small things, only sometimes, but it’s really cute and she always gets a little giddy/silly about it.

At one point, Killian catches her pretending to have an argument about dishes that don’t want to be washed because they’re scared of the overzealous sponge, and he can’t help laughing. Emma is super embarrassed and makes him swear never to ever tell or even hint to anyone, ever. He eventually agrees but teases her about it, saying he’s rooting for the sponge, or whatever. It’s just fun and cute and very silly. :)

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

Emma’s first memory is of her first ‘parents’ giving her back. They were the Swans, they took her in when she was very cute and small, but then when they had their own kid they basically said they couldn’t support multiple kids and couldn’t keep Emma. Either they had already finished adopting her, and now gave her up for adoption again, or they were still in the middle of the process and just stopped it. But they kept her until their child was born a healthy baby, because they had already had multiple miscarriages or something. Emma obviously doesn’t remember all the details of this, but she has a vague first memory of the parents she loved leaving her behind and never coming back, which for a long time she secretly thought might be about her bio parents despite knowing she was a literal newborn when she was abandoned.

As an adult she researched her own past, and learned about this whole situation as well as the ‘left on the side of the road’ thing. She visited the Swans secretly/looked them up, and they were living happily with their biological kid, showing all signs of being great parents and having a close-knit family. Emma never confronted them, and doesn’t like to admit her complicated feelings about them, or even that this ever happened to her. But she absolutely has conflated her issues with them/her birth parents, and yet she’s clung to the last name ‘Swan’ since it indicates someone loved her enough to make her theirs, even if only for a little while.

I wrote a short little ficlet about something this once and ever since it’s been my headcanon.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Probably some of the others already contradict various moments in canon, but whatever. Here’s the one I’m going with:

I firmly believe in bisexual Emma who absolutely fell in puppy love with Lily, please and thank you. (I wrote a fic about it, even.) Also, I quite like the idea of her wanting to have a one-night stand with Ruby to stop thinking about could-have-beens and feelings after Graham died. However, things were happening pretty quickly, and in such a small town she didn’t want to get involved in anything else potentially messy at this point. Add in that she saw Ruby almost every day so there would be no avoiding her, and fearing Mary-Margaret would try to either help her find love or give her some kind of intervention about Graham if she found out, and Emma never went beyond thinking about it. (After the curse was broken and she learned that Ruby had been her mother’s close friend, she was pretty glad about that choice.)

.

Killian

Headcanon A:  realistic

Killian gets phantom pains sometimes in his missing hand. He’s been missing it for much longer than he ever actually had two hands, but that doesn’t make a difference as far as those go. (It also doesn’t change the way he sometimes forgets he only has one hand when he is half-asleep. Only ever for a moment, but long enough to reach for something and not be able to pick it up.) He has various things that tend to trigger the pain (when he’s thinking too much about the time he lost it, it always pulses with a strong pain that he just determinedly ignores whenever he’s around Rumple; heavy rain can trigger it; if he does too much work with his left arm, like carrying something heavy with his hook or something, often that night or the next day will hurt), though sometimes it seems to come on randomly. Likewise, he has a few different methods to deal with it, from painkillers to getting drunk to putting the stump in a warm bath to trying to imagine stretching out his hand, that all help sometimes. Other times, though, he just kind of has to wait it out because nothing works.

One time, Emma notices he’s bothered and finally gets him to tell her what’s going on. At the moment, there’s nothing she can do (it’s a ‘wait it out’ day), but she looks up other methods of helping, and the next time she notices Killian going through it, she gives the mirror box a try since it is relatively easy to do in the moment. It actually helps, and after that she and Killian are able to figure out a couple other ways that can help reduce his pain.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

Killian gets motionsickness on long car rides or roller coasters. He’s perfectly fine on a boat that is swaying all over the place in the harshest of storms, but for some reason riding in the Bug for more than thirty minutes will make him feel sick to his stomach. He finds this deeply ridiculous and does not like to acknowledge it in any way. Emma find this deeply ridiculous and loves to tease him about it.

The issue with roller coasters was a complete surprise - again, because he’s usually fine with high-adrenaline activities, they both thought it was only cars that bothered him. When Emma first took him and Henry to a roller coaster park, he was actually most interested in all the fast rides, only to be disappointed and have to sit down in the sun and drink some water while Emma and Henry were completely fine.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

Killian has been alive for a long time, and most of the people he loves have been dead for the vast majority of that time. Even as a child, he could barely remember his mother - a vague impression of her voice, of the way her hair would sway... After Liam died, Killian was left without any kind of memento of what he looked like. When they were together, Milah drew several portraits of herself and Killian bother separately and together. She also drew her son, determined to keep him with her and not forget what he looked like. Killian thought about asked her to draw Liam for him as well, but he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to describe him well enough and that the portrait being only a half-likeness or something would just bother him more, so he never did.

He deeply regretted this later, when after nearly two hundred years in Neverland he realized that he could no longer remember what his older brother looked like. Sometimes, kind of, but nothing clear or reliable. He still remembered how much Liam meant to him, what they did together, of course all of that - but he couldn’t recall exactly what his brother’s voice sounded like when he was angry, or the particular shade of his hair, or whether he ever had freckles. Over time, Killian forgot most concrete details about Liam, no matter how much he tried to cling to them. He was terrified of losing Milah’s memory in the same way, or Emma during the year apart, and would often try to think of them as clearly as possible, to linger on specific memories and indelibly etch them into his mind. Still, he couldn’t help but notice that (particularly with Milah) some things were slipping away despite hims best efforts. Small things, like not remembering how Milah took her coffee, but he is still terrified of losing even the smallest of memories.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

My mind is blanking for some reason. Maybe I’ve just been doing this too long... How about, Rumple was lying when he said Killian’s briefly restored hand was never cursed. I can’t remember if that was implied to be a lie or not, but I’ve always thought it was. Maybe not a deliberate “curse” exactly but I have always liked this idea that the hand is frozen in time in more ways than one (and Rumple would’ve known that).

[singingaboutwishingx]

the west wing professor au

i feel like this has been done before, but i can’t find it if it does exist. if this is your au, please know that i did not intentionally copy any ideas because, again, i’m not sure if this really exists.

also before i start, i don’t know how other people’s colleges work, so just in case: a capstone class is a sort of cumulative class for seniors (i’ve also heard it called a senior seminar). it’s usually a very small class size and either discussion-based or research-based. what’s required for the class varies by major.

dr. joshua lyman (ratemyprofessor score: 4.5): chairman of the political science department. also teaches one capstone class per semester. it is the single most sought-after class in the department (which strokes his ego. also, he literally does not have time to teach a second section).

dr. josiah bartlet (ratemyprofessor score: 4.7): the only econ professor anyone likes. his classes fill up very quickly, given that he’s a nobel laureate and all. he’s kind of a hard grader, but he’s very kind and enthusiastic.

dr. claudia jean cregg (ratemyprofessor score: 4.9): teaches communications. she loves her capstone classes because they give her more one-on-one interaction with the students. she’s taught several influential people who cite her as one of their sources of motivation and inspiration.

dr. tobias ziegler (ratemyprofessor score: 3.7): teaches comp. you either hate dr. ziegler or you love him. no in between. praise in the margins of your papers feels like winning the lottery.

dr. samuel seaborn (ratemyprofessor score: 5.0): teaches english and creative writing. if you’re attracted to men, it’s practically a rite of passage to have a crush on him. he’s so sweet and enthusiastic and encouraging that it’s nearly impossible to not.

dr. leopold mcgarry (ratemyprofessor score: 4.5): teaches psychology. fairly universally beloved for his dry jokes and in-depth lectures. he gives a little half-smile easily, but sometimes he smiles with teeth and it’s enough to make everyone want to cry.

professor donnatella moss, m.a. (ratemyprofessor score: 4.9): teaches music theory and choir. sweet, encouraging, knows how to foster talent. don’t disappoint her or make her mad. she’ll break your heart and you’ll never forget it.

professor charles young, j.d. (ratemyprofessor score: 5.0): adjunct professor of civil procedure, also practices human rights law part time. every student loves him to pieces (he’s a genuinely good teacher, but the weekly bonus point opportunities certainly don’t hurt).

dr. abigail bartlet (ratemyprofessor score: 4.2): teaches biology capstone classes and anatomy. a little bit of a hardass, but she really does want students to succeed. even if her classes make you want to die and reconsider your major, you can’t help but love her.

dr. william bailey (ratemyprofessor score: 4.3): teaches astronomy, and his eyes just light up when students ask thoughtful questions. a little bit of a mess, but he’s pretty endearing (and a pretty easy grader–if you get the concept, you get most of your points).

ms. katherine harper (ratemyprofessor score: n/a): head rotc coordinator. has personally visited high schools across the country to speak on her experiences with rotc. when students come to her, she takes them very seriously. has made many a girl wonder if they liked girls (spoiler alert: they usually do).

dr. annabeth schott (ratemyprofessor score: 4.3): adjunct professor, teaches public speaking and advises the student theatre group. makes her students do silly exercises to loosen them up. fairly well-liked. does some media consulting on the side.

dr. amelia gardener (ratemyprofessor score: 4.0): teaches women’s studies. tough as nails, but clearly knowledgeable and passionate about her subject. not very good at answering student emails, so it’s best to go to her office hours.

dr. josephine lucas and mr. kenneth thurman (ratemyprofessor score: 4.3): joey is second chair of the political science department and teaches statistics for political science. she generally uses power points so she can click to the next slide and have both hands free to sign while kenny interprets. students adore both dr. lucas and mr. thurman.

dr. matthew santos (ratemyprofessor score: 5.0): teaches humanities with a specific focus in government and global relations. is just the most enthusiastic, fun guy on campus with so much passion for his subject. includes corny jokes in his power point slides.

professor ainsley hayes, j.d. (ratemyprofessor score: 4.2): teaches constitutional law. loves nothing more than civil debate in class. a tough grader, but leaves lots of constructive feedback. she only wants her students to be better.

professor daniel concannon, m.a. (ratemyprofessor score: 4.4): teaches journalism. enjoys teaching well enough, but takes semesters off at every opportunity to go cover stories worldwide. his assignments seem hard, but he helps the students work through them.

margaret hooper, carol fitzpatrick, ginger webster, and bonnie parikh (ratemyprofessor score: n/a): grad students working as ta’s. margaret teaches psych under leo, carol teaches comms under cj, ginger teaches chemistry labs, and bonnie teaches creative writing under sam.

bonus:

everyone knows that dr. and dr. bartlet are married--they’re the campus power couple who literally promote their spouse’s classes (”and if any of you are biology/econ majors, you’ll probably have my wife/husband”).

however, it’s somehow several years before any student figures out that there’s something going on between dr. lyman and professor moss.

they both have wedding rings on, but they don’t necessarily talk about their personal lives in class, so nobody really thinks much of it until a particularly gossipy student runs into them (holding hands, no less) at a local theatre’s production of a tennessee williams play and it spreads like wildfire.

so now everybody knows they’re married (and have impeccable taste in theatre).

cj and toby have been having an ongoing affair ever since his divorce, but they keep it very quiet.

sam is painfully aware that his students have crushes on him, but he keeps it incredibly professional (besides, he has one eye on that cute astronomy professor).

one of the girls who met kate and wondered if they liked girls was ainsley (and, spoiler alert: she did). there was a faculty/staff mixer at the beginning of ainsley’s first year teaching, and when they shook hands, ainsley forgot how to breathe for a second.

josh and joey went on one date during josh’s first year after he started teaching at this university, but it didn’t really work. however, they remain close friends.

[grinoir]

Religious Medievalism: “Stregheria”, Wicca and History - part 1

[TN: This article will break the Introduction to Stregoneria series for a second, but I believe it’s important to set things into perspective about both Witchcraft and this blog. My goal is to put out content, translated or redacted by me, in order to give people the correct historical information. I see a lot people on TikTok messing with things they don’t know, appropriating and distorting practices and cultures and profiting off of it. The only focus of this blog is the practice and the history behind it, I don’t want to “put people down”, I want to make the information available so you won’t hurt yourselves.

Also, I do not support fa***sm, na**sm or any other movement/ideology that oppresses and discriminates people. I’m specifiying this because I’ve received an anonymous ask about it and it kind of hurt just reading it. I hope this will clarify things and make whoever asked me that more confortable with my blog and my content. I’m a history nerd Strega, nothing more.

This article will be a translation, synthesis and re-elaboration of the following articles

https://tradizioneitaliana.wordpress.com/2020/11/12/medievalismo-religioso-stregheria-wicca-e-storia/

https://medievaleggiando.it/la-legittimazione-storica-della-wicca-margaret-murray-e-la-manipolazione-delle-fonti/

https://medievaleggiando.it/il-vangelo-delle-streghe-e-linizio-della-wicca-il-fascino-di-un-falso-storico/

The first being a rectification of the two that follow.

This article will be divided in two parts because it’s way too long to read and to translate, i’m drained af]

THE DEBUNKING OF MURRAY

Margaret Alice Murray (1863-1963) was a British Anthropologist and Egyptologist, well known in the academic environment for her contributions in the studies of folklore. Even if she was very criticized and her reputation as an historian was poor, her work became popular bestsellers from 1940 onward.

The most well-known and controversial one is “The Witch-Cult in the Western Europe” published in 1921. In this book, Murray alleges that there was some sort of secret model of pagan resistance to Christianity spreaded all across Europe, and that the witches’ hunt and the proof presented to the trials were an attempt to eliminate a rival cult.

This book was clearly influenced by “Satanism and Witchcraft” by Jules Michelet, that alleged that Medieval Witchcraft was an act of popular rebellion against the oppression of feudalism and the Roman Catholic church, that took the form of a secret religion inspired by paganism and organized mainly by women.

To support her narrative, Murray chooses to analyze some of the trials that took place during the great hunt and employs 15 primary sources, mostly British or Scottish (not paneuropean, or sources from the european continent), that describe famous trials. Murray’s analysis of the Somerset Trials in 1664 offer a good example of her work ethics; quoting the testimony of Elizabeth Styles:

“At their meeting they have usually Wine or good Beer, Cakes, Meat or the like. They eat and drink really when they meet in their bodies, dance also and have Musick. The Man in black sits at the higher end, and Anne Bishop usually next him. He useth some words before meat, and none after, his voice is audible, but very low.”

Murray conveniently seems to “forget” to quote the immediately preceding phrase:

”That at every meeting before the Spirit vanisheth away, he appoints the next meeting place and time, and at his departure there is a foul smell.”

Other details offered by Styles are omitted, like when she alleges that the Devil presented to her in the shape of a dog or a cat or a fly, that the Devil offered her followers an oinment to use on their heads and wrists that made it possible to move them from a place to another. Or that sometimes the reunion involved only the spirits of the witches, while their bodies stayed at home.

Murray was fully aware of the fantasy element in the testimonies she included in her books, but she was able, by deliberately manipulating historical sources, to make people believe the fake narrative that a Medieval religion of witches with covens, rites and their own beliefs that relentlessy opposed Christianity really existed.

In her “The God of the Witches”, published in 1933 and clearly written for a commercial audience, she further broadened the scope of her claims on the witches’ cult. In this book, she alleges that until the C17th BCE the there was a religion, older than Christianity, that kept existing in all of Western Europe. Said religion, was focused on the worship of a two-faced horned god, known to the Romans ad Diano; this god presided the witches’ gathering and was mistaken by the Inquisition of the Devil, conclusion that made them associate witchcraft with a satanic cult.

Murray claims the existence of a *specific* non-christian organized cult spread all across Europe that worshipped Diano and relentlessly opposed the Roman Catholic church, but the sources she quotes are late and recount the flattening of the various “pagan” cults to the assimilation with the christian Devil, operated by the Church.

In fact, the Devil that the trials report on, depending on the religion, overlapped with different figures: in British and Scottish traditions the Devil was the result of the demonization of the King of Elphame. In the Basque country, the Devil substituted Mari. In Northern Italy it overlapped with the Donna del Buon Gioco. This means that the “Northern Italian Devil” is different from the “British Devil” and the “Basque Devil”.

This “Devil” is a figure that flattens everything and overlapped and substituted so many different figures, depending on the religion and the figure it ended up overlapping with.

Therefore, Murray’s narrative of a paneuropean cult of the Horned God stems from the analysis of late sources and to the false equivalence of the Devil that presided the Ludus (Sabba) in Scotland (where he masks the King of Elphame) and the Devil of other countries (where he masks other entities).

Since the Devil isn’t the same entity in all of Europe, the narrative of a counter-christianity organized paneuropean cult of prehistoric origin falls too. Instead, what we’re dealing with are Medieval, non-christian rielaborations of different remainders of the Religions of the Gentiles that survived in the Christian age and were absorbed in the legend of the Faery Procession/Procession of the Dominae Nocturnae first, and the legend of the Ludus (Sabba) later.

The following quote by Ronald Hutton, English historian who specialises in Early Modern Britain, British folklore, pre-Christian religion and Contemporary Paganism and professor at the University of Bristol, confirms this:

“Over a quarter of a century ago, I adopted the expression “Pagan survivals” to describe elements of ancient Pagan culture that had persisted in later Christian societies. In doing so, I was drawing a distinction between such survivals, of which there seemed to be many, and “surviving Paganism”; that is the continued self-conscious practice of the older religions, of which there seemed to be none. This point was worth making because even in the 1980s, there was a persisting belief, based on outdated academic texts, that Paganism had survived as a living force among the common people in much of medieval Europe: it was widespread in other scholarly disciplines than history, let alone among the general public. My formula and approach was adopted by other authors in the 1990s. During that decade, however, a reaction set in against it among historians who preferred to stress the comprehensive Christianization of medieval European societies and to relegate elements that had hither to been identifed as of pagan origin to categories of religiously neutral folklore or of lay Christianity. Some emphasized that the undoubted tendency of some Christians at the time to condemn such beliefs and practices as pagan was a hallmark of a highly atypical, reforming, intolerant and evangelical strain of churchman. Michael’s system of classification, in this volume, may be said to take its place in this, apparently now dominant, set of scholarly attitudes. Revisiting the issue myself, I am inclined to meet it halfway. I am startingto agree that to speak of aspects of medieval culture as “Pagan” might indeed be misleading and inadequate. Moreover, it would be especially inappropriate to characterize fgures such as the lady of the night rides, the fairy queen or the Cailleach as “Pagan survivals” when they seem like medieval or post-medieval creations. However, I have equal diffculty in describing them simply and straightforwardly as “Christian” because of their total lack of reference to any aspect of Christianity, including theology, cosmology, scripture and liturgy; all of them would indeed fit far more comfortably into a Pagan world-picture. […] It may be that the old polarized labels are becoming inadequate to describe a medieval and early modern religious and quasi-religious world that is coming to seem even more complex, exciting and interesting than it had seemed to be before.”

Also Michael Ostling, religious studies scholar focusing on the history, historiography, and representation of witches and witchcraft, confirms this in Fairies, Demons, and Nature Spirits: “Small Gods” at the Margin of Christendom, published in 2018.

“Christians encompass aspects of their prior paganism both by inversion and revaluation. But where traditional spirits remain salient to a Christianized culture in encompassed or inverted form, their ongoing reality ought not to be counted by scholars as a pagan survival—though it is likely to be so construed by Christians themselves. Such “surviving” spirits are not just marginalized or diabolized pagan remnants, they are continually re-performed, recreated through Christian ritual and Christian discourse. We find such re-creation of the small gods throughout Christian history, and throughout this volume: when the Urapmin drive out the motobil by the power of the Holy Spirit, when Andean people frame their propitiation of the yawlu with devotion to the Christian God, when Mami Water appears primarily as a trope of Pentecostal deliverance ministry, when thirteenth-century Frenchwomen see, in an unoffcial Christian saint, their best hope of negotiating the return of their stolen babies from the follets, when the brownie and Robin Goodfellow appear in prayers of protection against them, in assertions of their diabolical status, or in tolerant mention of superstitious old wives who stillbelieve in such “harmless devils,” when cunningwomen insist that they only use “good devils” or that the fairies who facilitate their divination have no fear of the cross, this is because the beings involved have succeeded in taking up a niche within Christian discourse. The “good people” have not departed, have not been driven out by the sound of church-bells or the smell of gasoline. There are no pagan survivals: small gods are Christian creations with which to think the limits of Christianity.”

In essence, Murray’s version of events that describes Paganism as an anti-church, anti-society isn’t backed by any historical evidence.

Sources:

https://tradizioneitaliana.wordpress.com/2020/11/12/medievalismo-religioso-stregheria-wicca-e-storia/

https://medievaleggiando.it/la-legittimazione-storica-della-wicca-margaret-murray-e-la-manipolazione-delle-fonti/

https://medievaleggiando.it/il-vangelo-delle-streghe-e-linizio-della-wicca-il-fascino-di-un-falso-storico/

Michael Ostling. Fairies, Demons, and Nature Spirits: ‘Small Gods’ at the Margins of Christendom. Palgrave Macmillan, 2018.

[9worldstales]

MCU What if Ep 1-2-3: My two cents

So, I’ve been watching the “What if” series. I won’t beat it around the bush, I’m enjoying it but at the same time I get the feeling this series is aimed at younger audience, younger audience which isn’t deeply familiar with the movies and needs to be feed a simpler storyline.

In fact from the way they present it in each episode 1 single change should be the one which gives life to a parallel universe in a sort of domino effect… only, from what I could see in those 3 episodes, there are actually multiple unconnected changes, 1 presented more markedly as if it were the one starting everything and the others… just there for unknown reasons but they aren’t remarked and might easily be missed by who doesn’t remember well the movies.

Characterizations are also simplified, with heroes more black and white than grey, and a general toning down of the drama. This isn’t necessarily tied to the short time, 30 minutes in the hand of a good storyteller are plenty of time to construct a complicate, adult, emotionally engaging story… but a complicate story requires an audience willing to put its mind to understand it, or capable to handle a more morally nuanced plot or that wouldn’t be too distressed by a more emotionally engaging one.

This kind of audience is clearly not what those stories are aiming at.

This isn’t meant to say they’re bad, they’re perfect for young audience, passing on a good message, being overall funny and giving them the chance to enjoy the heroes they love in a different setting.

Dialogues are nice, their voice actors so far delivered good performance, the art isn’t bad and the stories can feel still intriguing enough.

However, if you think too hard at them, especially in comparison to the original movie, the story tends to crumble or feel morally poor or mess up the characterization or some other thing.

Overall I think the “What if” so far are more enjoyable if you don’t really remember well the movies and, anyway, judge them as stand-alone more than “What if” based on how a single divergence from the plot could create a new timeline.

Some examples?

Pick “What If... Captain Carter Were the First Avenger?”

The divergence supposedly happens when Peggy decides to stay in the room.

Erskine: Agent Carter, wouldn't you be more comfortable in the booth? Peggy: No, I'd prefer to stay. Watcher: There. That's the moment that created a new universe. When asked to leave the room, Margaret "Peggy" Carter chose to stay. But soon it would be her venturing into the unknown and creating a new world.

Only, in truth, it’s not just Peggy who was meant to go to the booth and didn’t.

EVERYONE was meant to go to the booth… only they all stay and Kruger, the spy from Hydra, who was seated in the booth BEHIND Peggy in “Captain America”, in the “What if” episode attacks the lab during Erskine’s explanation and not, as he did in “Captain America”, after the experiment took place, using as a distraction a bomb he left in the booth, and not on the floor of near to where the experiment was taking place so that it can kill Erskine.

And, to be really accurate, Erskine, in “Captain America”, asked Peggy to move to the booth when Steve was already lying down for the experiment, while here we see him asking her so while the two are standing next to each other and he hadn’t started undressing yet.

And there’s a reason why in the movie things were done like that.

Of course in the movie everyone was in the booth, it was safer should something go wrong with the experiment.

Of course Kruger waited for the experiment to be carried on, if it didn’t work there was no point in stealing a vial of a serum that didn’t work.

Of course Kruger left the bomb in the booth and made it explode when he was outside of it, so that he was sure it would create distraction but not harm him.

Overall, it’s not just Peggy that acts differently, it’s Erskine, who asked her to move in advance, it’s all the people there, who didn’t move to the booth, it’s ESPECIALLY, Kruger, who originally aimed to see if the serum worked and, in this case, steal it and kill Erskine so he couldn’t produce more and instead he now doesn’t check if the serum works and kills, for unknown reasons Chester Phillips, who didn’t even have a weapon in his hand and so didn’t pose a threat.

Even the placing of the bomb is poor because, since there was plenty of mechanisms in the lab, it could have triggered a series of explosions that were to destroy the whole place, himself and all the serum included.

But how many young viewers noticed all this or worry for the risk of everything exploding or realize that causing an explosion outside of the room in which the serum was worked as a diversion so as to take people away from that place, while if the bomb were to explode there, everyone would converge in that place, with hydrants possibly as no one worries about fire spreading but they should… even if there’s magically not as much as there should be.

And tragic scenes get tamed down, we don’t see Erskine die, we might not even realize he died in the explosion, young viewers might not remember or not like Chester Phillips so when he’s shoot he doesn’t leave an impression and Kruger’s shape gets shoot down by Peggy so we don’t have him committing suicide.

It’s not a complain, it’s a logic choice to make the series more palatable to a younger target by toning down the violence and the drama in it.

And so we reach the big event of the episode.

John Flynn would want Stark to get the serum injected in himself (forgetting there were men of the MP around him who shouldn’t be all dead) but starts to complain when Peggy volunteers to take the serum herself. Peggy does anyway and again things are tamed down, as Steve ended up screaming so loud in “Captain America” Peggy feared they were killing him and they considered stopping the experiment but Peggy doesn’t scream at all.

Sure, in had been scientifically proved women are built to handle pain better, but very likely Peggy’s lack of scream isn’t because she’s tougher, it’s again to not upset young audience.

So, while Steve lies on the ground and no one comes to help him, Peggy comes out of the experiment enhanced. But here we’ve the real core of the episode, John Flynn decides the experiment is an absolute failure. Why?

Flynn: Sixty million dollars and all the hope in the world down the drain. I was promised an army. I was promised peace and salvation. Instead, I get a girl.

Basically the real core of the episode, the real theme is that Captain Carter will have to fight discrimination based on sexism.

Peggy: You have a Super Soldier. Flynn: Women aren't soldiers, and they sure as hell don't fight on the front lines. They might break a nail.

Undoubtedly this is an important matter, it’s a good topic to make an episode about, to give young girls an heroine, to show to them and to the boys what an absolute moron Flynn was in discriminating Peggy, also presenting boys being supportive of Peggy and trusting her. Howard Stark, Steve Rogers, and then Bucky and everyone else, all the men who see Peggy fighting are ultimately supportive and admiring of her. This is important. But Flynn’s sexism is better remarked if we don’t remember what happened in “Captain America”.

Steve Rogers: Sir, if you’re going after Schmidt, I want in. Col. Chester Phillips: You’re an experiment. You’re going to Alamogordo. Steve Rogers: The serum worked. Col. Chester Phillips: I asked for an army and all I got was you. You are not enough. Senator Brandt: [to Steve] With all due respect to the Colonel, I think we may be missing the point. I’ve seen you in action, Steve. More importantly, the country’s seen it. [to his aide] Paper.[the aide shows them the news paper (‘The New York Examiner’ Vol. XCVII No. 33.634, Wednesday, June 23, 1943), headlines: "Nazis in New York - mystery man saves child"] The enlistment lines have been around the block since your picture hit the newsstands. You don’t take a soldier, a symbol like that, and hide him in a lab. Son, do you want to serve your country on the most important battlefield of the war? Steve Rogers: Sir, that’s all I want. Senator Brandt: Then, congratulations. You just got promoted.

I mean, Rogers was a male and he too was judged ‘not enough’. Brandt has him tour the nation in a colorful costume as “Captain America” to promote war bonds, while scientists study him and attempt to reverse-engineer the formula.

Chester Phillips was likely killed because otherwise they would have no reason to deal with Peggy the same way he dealt with Steve ‘one is not enough’, only it wouldn’t have been a sexist problem, just math (though it could be argued Phillips never trusted Steve to begin with). This causes the message ‘sexism is dumb’ ends up feeling forced because it’s basically pasted over a previous narrative of ‘not being enough’. If you want, you can read it as always discrimination and discrimination it’s always bad, but it still cheapens the message.

All this not to say that the episode isn’t awesome if seen as a stand-alone… it’s just that when you compare it with “Captain America” it feels weaker.

And then there are the other discrepancies, like the Hydra bringing the Tesseract to Berlin and not to Azzano (a sign somehow Schmidt and Hitler didn’t have a fall out) with Stark using it to power up an “Hydra Stomper” suit that proves if he had had the right power sources and technologies he could have built “Iron Man” too.

They’re not bad points (actually I loved the “Hydra Stomper” suit and how Peggy rode it the way Tekkaman from “Uchu no Kishi Tekkaman” used to ride Pegas in my childhood memories) but again they’re divergences without a clear reason. Schmidt and Hitler shouldn’t get along better solely because Peggy got the serum.

And that’s the first episode.

“What If... T'Challa Became a Star-Lord?” is also clearly aimed to a younger audience but with a goal different from “What If... Captain Carter Were the First Avenger?”

Watcher: What you call destiny is just an equation, a product of variables. Right place, right time, or in some instances, the wrong place at the wrong time. As fate would have it, at that very moment, a Ravager spacecraft was arriving on Earth to abduct the spawn of the Celestial, Ego. But in this universe, Yondu outsourced the assignment to his subordinates. Yondu: You morons grabbed the wrong kid!

For start this episode doesn’t try to rewrite a single movie, but by taking pieces of assorted movies “Thor: The Dark World” (for Tivan) “Guardians of the Galaxy” (for the idea of the setting), “Black Panther” (for T’Challa), “Avengers: Infinity War” (for the Black Order), “Captain America” (Tivan has his shielf), “Thor: Ragnarok” (TIvan has and uses Hela’s headpiece, talking of her as if he knew her and we can see he also has Thor’s hammer), “Thor: The Dark World” (Tivan has Malekith’s dagger) creates a completely different timeline by changing something that happened in 1988 and then jumping straight in… 2014, I presume, where a lot is different but we aren’t meant to see the process due to which things were changed, just to accept how T’Challa, kidnapped as a kid by the Ravagers, managed to make the difference.

In fact the whole theme of this episode is that T’Challa is a hero and a role model that gets success and admiration by TALKING TO PEOPLE AND PERSUADING THEM TO DO THE RIGHT THING. He’s meant not to have a character arc but to create a world that’s the best possible for people.

In fact we’re told just by talking with Thanos he persuaded him to stop his whole plan without using violence.

Korath: How exactly did you stop Thanos, the Mad Titan, from decimating half of the universe? Oh, no. Thanos: I'm a big enough man to admit when I'm wrong. T'Challa here showed me there was more than one way to reallocate the universe's resources. T’Challa: Sometimes the best weapon in your arsenal is just a good argument.

I mean, he doesn’t just turn the Ravagers into Robin Hood’s “merry men”, he talks with Thanos and Thanos decides to change his ways.

This is great, a wonderful message, a message against violence, a message about the power of the words and it makes T’Challa a real hero who, just by talking, saves the universe from Thanos but… but T’Challa from the movies was maybe not so good at persuading people from not doing wrong but he still had something amazing that made him very human and, at the same time a role model.

T’Challa wasn’t perfect, he made mistakes… but then he would admit them and correct them.

In “Captain America: Civil War” he wants to kill Bucky in retaliation for what happened to his father…

Natasha Romanoff: T'Challa. Task force will decide who brings in Barnes. T'Challa: [He clenches his fist.] Don't bother, Miss Romanoff. I'll kill him myself.

…but then he understands killing his father’s murder would be wrong and even stops Zemo from committing suicide.

T'Challa: Vengeance has consumed you. It's consuming them. [He blinks ruefully and retracts the claws in his gloves.] I am done letting it consume me. Justice will come soon enough. Helmut Zemo: [Holding a gun Zemo smiles thinly.] Tell that to the dead. [He tries to shoot himself but T'Challa grabs him just as he fires.] T'Challa: The living are not done with you yet.

And the same goes in “Black Panther”. At first he doesn’t want to ask Killmonger his name because he knows he is his uncle’s son and this would give him the right to compete for the throne as well as expose what his father did…

Killmonger: Oh, I ain't requesting nothing! Ask who I am? Shuri: You are Eric Steves. An American black operative. A mercenary nicknamed Killmonger. That's who you are. Killmonger: (LAUGHING) That's not my name, Princess. Ask me, King? T'Challa: No. Killmonger: Ask me. T'Challa: Take him away.

…but then he’ll acknowledges they had wronged him, will show him Wakanda’s beauty and will change things in Wakanda. T’Challa in the movies isn’t as perfect as T’Challa in the “What if” episode. He can’t solve everything and make the world perfect. He isn’t always right. He gets angry, vengeful, afraid of the truth. But then he rises above this and does the right thing.

“What if” T’Challa is a model of perfection that’s admirable… but that sits simply too high above the original T’Challa who also had to deal with Thanos but didn’t even think he could change his mind just by giving him a talk… and with good reason.

Younger kids might not realize because they might have not fully grasped how Thanos was a genocidal maniac, who massacred millions even prior to the snap, tortured his daughters and even removed body parts from Nebula. They might swallow it was just that easy to talk him into not doing the snap, and Thanos only needed someone to tell him it was wrong… and that in truth he loved Nebula… but for older viewers while beautiful, this is simply unbelievable.

And what about Yondu and the Ravagers? Just because they had T’Challa they became good and righteous. This is how Peter Quill described Yondu in “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2” which still gives a sympathetic portrayal of Yondu:

Quill: He wasn't my father. Yondu was the guy who abducted me. He'd beat the crap out of me so I'd learn how to fight and he kept me in terror threatening to eat me.

But T’Challa doesn’t seem to have such complains against Yondu.

Now… In Quill’s case Yondu kept Quill so as to protect him from Ego…

Yondu: Once I figured out what happened to the other kids, I wasn't gonna just hand you over.

…yet he kidnap him and tells him his home was destroyed so as to manipulate him into staying… but this is so easily forgotten by T’Challa to the point children might not even realize it was there. Yondu was a good dad for him, he kidnapped him because T’Challa was basically wasted at home.

Yondu: Sometimes you need to hear a lie to see the truth. You're just like me, T'Challa. T’Challa: I am nothing like you. Yondu: You're an explorer, Star-Lord. And for people like you, like us, the past ain't nothing but a prison. You don't belong down there with them. You belong up here with us, with your family.

Although T’Challa doesn’t seem to agree at first… in the end all is forgotten.

Yondu: Look, T'Challa, I just wanted to say... T’Challa: There's no need. I was the one who told you I wanted to see the world. All you did was show me the universe.

and

T’Chaka: (Voice shaking) My son, my son. I knew you would find your way home to us. T’Challa: I'm sorry it took me so long. Let me introduce you to the family I made along the way.

All this is to basically excuse the premise, something horrible like kidnapping a child is passed as not really something terrible so that kids wouldn’t deal with its emotional implications and can even think that it was a pity that, in the normal universe, it was Peter Quill that was kidnapped… without realizing that kidnapping is bad and that in T’Challa’s case Yondu wasn’t even doing it because he wanted to protect him. Actually it’s unexplained why, all of sudden, Yondu felt the need to keep T’Challa and completely forgot about Quill, didn’t even care about making sure Ego wouldn’t find Quill despite, thanks to T’Challa, becoming a better person. It’s another change, one that people knowing the movies is bound to notice but not kids.

So again, for who knows the movie well, the story ends up being weak and this is also because, while T’Challa could persuade Thanos off screen not to commit genocide… all of sudden his persuasive power isn’t even really tested out with Tivan. Tivan is the big evil… yet he’s somehow less fearsome than Thanos because we clearly don’t want to scare the kids.

So again, wonderful for young audience who doesn’t remember well the movies… not so solid for who’s older.

And so we move to “What If... the World Lost Its Mightiest Heroes?” which is absolutely my favourite so far. This one at a first glance seems to be a “What if” of a comic named “The Avengers Prelude: Fury's Big Week”.

The awesome thing of this story is we don’t know what changed the universe, we only discover that someone is killing off the Avengers before they could become the Avengers, starting with Tony Stark.

The mystery is, at a first glance, cool, the idea original, Natasha gets a big role as she investigates and even fights things along with Fury and, again, children will likely not really realize how the “What if” is actually changing the settings even when they’re supposedly not related to the change that caused this parallel reality, the death of Hope van Dyne. I mean, we can start our list of changes with the random funny things that has no reason to happen because Hope’s death shouldn’t have made Coulson and Barton to be so appreciative of Thor’s hair, something they never bring up in the movie…

Coulson: Whoa. I got visual on the intruder. He's a Caucasian male, mid-twenties with... really great hair. Fury: Excuse me? Coulson: It's an accurate description. Sir, he's gorgeous. Fury: I need eyes in the sky. Barton. Barton: Already on it. He's making a move on the hammer. One shot, one kill, sir. Just say the word. Fury: Hold your fire. I wanna see this. Barton: Whoa. Coulson wasn't lying about the hair. That's nice.

…to continue with more plot related matters like how Betty should have known Banner had intruded in her lab dressed up as a delivery boy and was now hiding in a wardrobe… but if we want we can forgive them. Maybe Hope’s death really changed some things in weird ways we couldn’t predict… but the place with the biggest revolution seems to be Asgard… which actually shouldn’t have been affected by by Hope’s death AT ALL and instead the situation is completely different from how it were in “Thor” to the point I could write a 20 pages meta on the changes. But, if we assume this episode is aimed at children, it works because the “Thor” situation was complicate and here instead they show solely some random and confuse elements that children might have picked up from talks about the movies… but that weren’t like that in “Thor”.

And again we have messages that can be good for children, how a father will love his little girl, how Nick Fury will save the day even without the Avengers, how:

Fury: S.H.I.E.L.D. is people, people willing to give their lives for something greater than themselves to save the world from men like you.

…and how in the darkest time new heroes will always come to save Earth as when Loki take over because it seems there are no more Avengers, Fury can still count on Carol Danvers and Steve Rogers.

Coulson: The Avengers fell before they had a chance to rise. May they rest in peace. Fury: They can, but we won't. The Avengers were always meant to be more than a team. They were an idea, the affirmation of humanity's need to believe that in our darkest hour, we will find our heroes. Watcher: I believe that in this universe, as in every other, hope never dies. As long as someone keeps their good eye on the bigger picture.

It’s a good message about hope… but again, it’s something for children. We’re meant to believe Earth could be conquered in one day time without struggle whatsoever… and that only the heroes could save it. Children might not remember it but in “The Avengers” humans tried to nuke New York to stop Loki… the idea they would just sit and say ‘whatever’ to Loki’s domination makes it look as if they actually agree with him to an adult… but, of course, the battle of New York is something we might not want to show to a little child.

And now… something else that’s relevant.

I said the “What ifs” are good stories for children… but we’re talking of young children here because if the child is a little older they can end up passing a completely wrong message.

Remember "What If... Captain Carter Were the First Avenger?" and how it tackled sexism as an absurd behavior to keep? How Captain Carter overcomes it? By using her supersoldier powers to beat the Nazi. She shows as a supersoldier she works.

Does she turns over the concept that ‘Women aren't soldiers, and they sure as hell don't fight on the front lines. They might break a nail’?

At most she proves she can be a soldier. She doesn’t fight using the fact she’s a woman as her strongest point, she fights using her super strength as her strongest point… where Steve Roger’s strongest point wasn’t his enhanced strength but his moral values. Peggy proves as a super soldier she’s equal to Steve… but Steve as a super soldier proved he was better than Red Skull. Peggy’s actions in the story doesn’t cause people to revalue women in general, just her. People either aren’t sexist and accept her regardless of her genre (Howard, Steve) or they’re sexist but accept her because she is strong.

It’s meaningful that when she thinks Steve is dead Flynn goes back to his old mindset…

Flynn: She should never have been in the field in the first place.

… because the truth is he never changed it. Peggy had only yelled at them to stop calling Steve “Hydra Stomper” as his name was “Steve Roger” and Flynn decides she, not Steve who actually died, should have never been in the field.

They don’t show how Peggy got information from Zola, which seems to imply all she did to get them was to beat him up. Chester Phillips in “Captain America” manipulated him into talking with his intelligence only.

Do you know which were Peggy’s abilities in the universe in which she isn’t a super soldier? She’s a Master Martial Artist, an Expert Marksman, a Master Spy, an Expert Tactician, a Thief and can speak and read English, Russian and German fluently as well as use a convincing American accent.

This is hardly noticeable though in her own story.

Howard: Should we not have a plan? Peggy: Who needs a plan? I have a shield. Howard: A shield is not a plan. Oh, Carter...

She was a tactician!

Now… she has a shield. But whatever girl wants to be like her won’t have a shield, nor a super serum. To be a real role model for girls who aren’t anymore children Peggy needed to have qualities they too could have that would empower her. The only good moment is when she understands what Howard plans to do:

Howard: If I can get to the controls, I can transpose the ingress and do science stuff. Peggy: You mean transpose the polarity and reverse the suction? Howard: Being the genius is my thing.

But again, the irony here is that this is no genius plan, middle school students had probably seen him being done in movies and cartoons already. It might seem genius idea to kids, but when you’re older it hardly sounds like one… and when Howard complains all in the machine is written in German they don’t have Peggy show her knowledge of it, and translate the words as she fight, she just fight and he’s supposed to figure things out.

“Captain America” is a role model for what he has inside. I’m sure Peggy Carter has plenty of things inside her as well… but “What if” makes it more about the super strength she has gained.

Where Steve gains Phillips’ respect, Flynn’s respect is more a façade due to her successes thanks to her super strength, and that respect gets pulled back as soon as she gets upset by his behavior. Sure, Flynn is a worse person than Phillips in this black and white world but this too is part of the narrative. If Peggy can’t permanently win over sexism in one person, it’s not real victory at all. If what’s remarkable about her is how she fights (due to the serum) then who didn’t have it, will never have a hope. Peggy Carter was more of a female model when she wasn’t supersoldier, she felt more of a role model in “Captain America”, when she got to do this with her own strength:

Peggy Carter: Put your right foot forward. Gilmore Hodge: Mmm… We gonna wrassle? Cause I got a few moves I know you’ll like. [suddenly Peggy punches him hard in the face. Col.Phillips drives up] Col. Chester Phillips: Agent Carter. Peggy Carter: Colonel Phillips. Col. Chester Phillips: I see you’re breaking in the candidates. That’s good!

…than when she punched Nazis thanks to being a super soldier. Peggy has never been a fragile Fräulein, but this episode seems to remark she’s not one merely because she has taken the serum.

As a result… she sets an impossible role model for girls. If the key to be (partially) respected and accepted by males is to get the super soldier serum and/or the shiled… well, that serum doesn’t exist, not does the shield.

And a similar problem exists in “What If... T'Challa Became a Star-Lord?”

Teaching a small child he can solve problems by talking and not by hitting is important… but passing the message that you can stop bullies or worse just by talking to them is again setting an impossible role model. People like Thanos can’t be stopped with just words. People like Yondu and the Ravagers wouldn’t become Robin Hood and his merry men merely because they have with themselves a young boy who tells them the right things… and what Yondu does to T’Challa is worse than what he did to Quill and having been kidnapped as a child shouldn’t be waved off so easily. We’re not talking of Yondu finding an orphaned T’Challa and raising him, if he had picked up N’Jadaka after he lost his father it would have been different, but here, he just ripped a child from a loving family, a family he loved back. And it’s almost presented as a good thing because this causes the universe to be saved by Thanos, Yondu’s lie giving T’Challa the motivation to try to to make the universe a better place.

Nebula: You lost your home, and now you save everyone else's.

And problems continue with “What If... the World Lost Its Mightiest Heroes?” because there, the solution, the hope, is presented solely by the superheroes. No one opposes to Loki, the whole Earth is expected to be saved by Captain America and Carol Danvers. The one who refuses to kneel to Loki is Fury, who’s considered special. We don’t have in this story a lone old man who’s standing stubbornly despite the threat.

LOKI: Kneel before me. [The crowd ignores him. Three more Loki's appear, surrounding and blocking the crowd from escaping.] I said KNEEL! [While the crowd quietly kneels, Loki embraces out his arms with a wide smile] Is not this simpler? Is this not your natural state? It's the unspoken truth of humanity, that you crave subjugation. The bright lure of freedom diminishes your life's joy in a mad scramble for power, for identity. You were made to be ruled. In the end, you will always kneel. ELDER GERMAN MAN: [As the words resonate to the kneeling crowd, an elder German man refuses to kneel and stands, heroic.] Not to men like you. LOKI: There are no men like me. ELDER GERMAN MAN: There are always men like you. LOKI: Look to your elder, people. Let him be an example. [As Loki is about to execute the man with his scepter as the light glows blue. Right as the energy beam shoots out, Captain America arrives, diving in just in time to block the blast with his shield, and knocking down Loki]

So basically in this series heroes set impossible standards… and are the only ones who can save the day. It can be fun for an adult, as he doesn’t need role models… but for a boy who’s no more a small child but not yet old enough to do without viewing heroes are role models, the heroes presents a standard that is something unattainable. And this is bad because he too might enjoy watching the show, but the show gives him no hope… where ironically, Marvel movies were about giving positive role models in which you could identify.

Overall I stay my case, the “What if” series is definitely enjoyable… but the bar for the target audience is set to a very young age, they don’t really follow the idea that one small change can realistically change everything because they actually intrude plenty of small changes for their setting to work, and might end up not giving the right message if you’re in between a age between a small child and an adult. Of course future “What if” episodes might change, and I will probably still love them because I adore what if… but I would love them even more if they had aimed to a target audience a little older… making their heroes, more realistic role models which can be emulated and if they had respected their own premise, that ONE SINGLE CHANGE can create a completely different new reality.

What changed in the Peggy episode wasn’t just Peggy not sitting on the booth. What changed in the T’Challa episode wasn’t just Yondu sending his subordinates to pick up a kid. What changed in the mightiest heroes episode wasn’t just Hope dying.

The fact you need more changes in order to make the difference makes the initial point that one change can make the difference void. You destroy your own premise… and this is not really a great idea.

But whatever, I guess if the idea is that the audience is really young, they didn’t expect the audience to pick this up but just to swallow their idea that ‘a moment created a new universe’.

MEDIA MENTIONED:

Movies: “Iron Man 2” (2010), “The Incredible Hulk" (2008), “Thor” (2011), “Captain America: The First Avenger” (2011), “The Avengers” (2012), “Thor: The Dark World” (2013), “Captain America: The Civil War” (2016), “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2” (2017), “Thor – Ragnark” (2017), “Black Panther” (2018), "Avengers: Infinity War” (2018), “Captain Marvel” (2019)

Comics: “The Avengers Prelude Fury's Big Week” (2012)

[ad1thi]

@starklysteve  rhae asked for some winteriron recs (read: i volunteered to spam rhae w buckytony fics because i adore them), so in no particular order, and based on my memory alone, here are some of my favourite buckytony fics!!

(please remember to leave kudos and comments!!)

American Memorial: @/spqr

“Pick up the shield,” Tony said. Understandably, Bucky told him to go fuck himself

Losing You (Is My Supervillain Origin Story):  @amethystinawrites

There are a lot of things that Bucky regrets. The list is, quite frankly, longer than he can handle on most days and, right at the very top, is lying to Tony about who killed his parents. Bucky has known even from before they started dating, but he simply can't bring himself to say anything — to ruin one of the few good things he has in his life. It's selfish and wrong, but Bucky just doesn't know how to tell Tony that he is the one responsible for Howard and Maria Stark's deaths.

So when he starts receiving anonymous emails, threatening to expose the truth to Tony and the rest of the world, Bucky is desperate enough to agree to the blackmailer's terms, even if it means breaking up with Tony. Bucky cannot, under any circumstances, let Tony find out about his parents from anyone but Bucky himself.

Too late Bucky realizes that there is much more to the blackmailer's scheme than just having Bucky break Tony's heart. Too late Bucky realizes that despite his best intentions, he will still end up losing everything — in a much more permanent way than he could ever have imagined.

Hindsight: @amethystinawrites

Ever since he was a little boy, Bucky has dreamed of becoming an astronaut together with Steve, and he can hardly believe their luck when both of them are picked for the Ares 3 crew — the third expedition sent to explore Mars. It is, quite literally, a dream come true.

Things get complicated when Bucky finds himself inconveniently attracted to their mechanical engineer, however. Tony Stark is funny, competent, and absolutely captivating, but considering NASA's strict non-fraternization policy, Bucky knows it's better to keep his interest to himself — at least until they return to Earth. He can wait.

Not once does Bucky consider the possibility that all of them might not make it back alive, or just how much he'll come to regret not acting when he had the chance.

Arsenal: @tangodancer91 (part of a series) (also my all time favourite buckytony series ever)

Two years after the Civil War that tore apart everything she’d bled to build, Toni Stark sacrificed herself for her newly-reinstated teammates and ended up stranded in the past. Freed of her name, her fortune, and her hostile ex-teammates, she built herself a life as an agent for the OSS, the American secret service, and, having nothing to lose, accepted a mission to infiltrate the newest player in the war: an organization that call themselves HYDRA.

Then, she met a young draftee with a dreadfully familiar face, and they clicked like she had never clicked with anyone before. By the time she realized she’d fallen for the man who’d cost her everything, it was too late, but she’d always been an all or nothing type of girl, and if she was damning herself, well then…might as well go all the way.

Yield: @aurumacadicus (this is an a/b/o verse fic)

All Bucky has ever wanted was to win the contest for Tony's hand in marriage. It's a bit harder now that he's down to one arm, but luckily his friends are willing to help make up the difference.

Barnes Family Motors Inc: @phlintandsteel-ao3 (this is an a/b/o verse fic)

In a world where alphas legally own omegas, Bucky is just a small time mechanic from Brooklyn who gets lucky in a poker game. Tony is an omega whose life is fraught with abuse, until his luck suddenly takes a turn for the better.

In the grand scheme of things they may only be able to make little differences in the lives of those around them, but that doesn't mean it's not worth making them. After all, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

The Long Con (don’t kid yourself): @phlintandsteel-ao3

When Tony finds out that Howard is thinking about changing the terms of Tony’s trust fund, he embarks on a not-so-elaborate scheme to prove that he’s totally settling down and not in continued need of Howard’s “guidance” until 25 instead of 21. Step 1: Get a fiance Step 2: ??? Step 3: Profit (Finally be free of Howard)

Unfortunately, Tony Stark is the worst con-artist ever, and may only be kidding himself..

Hot Mess:  @/niki

“Would serve him right if we had the world's most ill-advised one night stand.”

Imperceptions and Assumptions: @/NarutoRox

Afterward, Bucky would look back on their first meeting with fondness and a healthy dose of amusement. At the time, though, he’d mostly been confused - and more than a little embarrassed.

Bucky hadn’t paid much attention to the media in his early days, and hadn’t bothered really reading up on the team or anything, either, so when Steve had said ‘Tony Stark’, Bucky had just assumed.

The same way he’d looked at the three people who’d walked through the door - an imposing redhead in heels, a bored-looking brunette who dimpled when she saw him and Steve, and a sturdy-looking man wearing a slight glower - locked eyes on the man, and assumed him to be the infamous Tony Stark Steve wouldn’t shut up about.

It was Bucky’s first lesson when it came to Natasha Antonia ‘Toni’ Stark - never assume.

~

In which Tony Stark is actually Natasha Antonia 'Toni' Stark (which everyone knows) as well as Iron Man (which everyone does not know), assumptions are made, and there are misunderstandings.

From this prompt: How about a cross between my two favorite tropes? Nobody knows who iron man is other than Natasha/Antonia Stark's bodyguard but Bucky is in love with one or both of them

i know, you know (that i’m not telling the truth) : @imposter-human

psychic tony stark is called to work a routine case with detective bucky barnes; only, he seems to be more connected to the case than anyone thought

or, a psych au!!

the new romeo and juliet: @imposter-human

Bucky and Tony weren’t dating, because a firefighter and a detective couldn’t date (never mind that Tony hadn’t slept with anyone else since their thing had started, and he and Bucky hung out with an alarming frequency, and the whole precinct thought that they were an item). It didn't matter how many nights they spent together, how Bucky had a drawer of Tony's things and vice versa, they just couldn't.

It was a classic Romeo and Juliet situation, if Romeo and Juliet actively disliked each other on top of everything.

if found, please return to: @capnshellhead

Tony Stark shows up at Bucky's bar after a really tough break up and Bucky decides to look after him

gods of carnage:  @deathsweetqueen (part of a series)

On May 29, 1970, the Winter Soldier feels a burning sensation and looks down at his wrist to find a single name written in enduring ink: Antonia Margaret Stark.

HYDRA, fearing the defiance of their greatest asset due to a bond that cannot and will not be denied its due, immediately dispatches the Soldier, to locate, collect and deliver this newborn girl to HYDRA, which will become her new home, her new family and her entire world - to be raised as another one of HYDRA’s great warriors: their Engineer.

But the Engineer is a faulty asset. She thinks things that may get her killed one day. She wants things that she shouldn’t, that are not hers to want. She has a mind and body that belong more to herself than any handler, than any commander she may have.

And if she cuts her strings, when she cuts her strings, well, when you put sheep next to wolves, you ask for a bloodbath.

where i walk, you follow (where i burn, you burn):  @deathsweetqueen

At his father's command, Anthony Stark trades in his northern keep for a southern crown, wedded and bedded by Alexander of House Pierce, First of His Name.

Tony does his duty, becomes a wolf in name only, toothless and clawless, and a dark, gleaming ornament for the King, even if he would make himself a widower a hundred times over.

Honour demanded it of him, and so he did.

But it is Ser James Barnes, named the Kingslayer for his sins during the Rebellion, that draws his eye, gives him comfort in this pit of liars and monsters

So, what is honour compared to a good man's love? They are only human, and the gods have fashioned us for love.

[Fic by deathsweetqueen, Art by MassiveSpaceWren]

Cat Parenting (And Other Meet Cutes):  @singingwithoutwords (this is an a/b/o verse fic)

Of all the ways Bucky could have finally gotten a chance to speak to his crush, why did it have to be his cat getting Tony's cat pregnant?

Codename Heartbreaker:  @rinnwrites (part of a series)

Today was a day that, contrary to popular belief, Tony Stark had most certainly not been looking forward to. It was election day, or election night, rather, and the polls were closed, the results were in; Howard Stark was the next President of the United States of America.

or

Tony Stark Bingo - R3: Election Day

Fate Strings Not Required: @akira-of-the-twilight

“Hey doll,” a new voice said from Tony’s side.

Tony glanced at the person approaching.

Someone was working the rugged, bad boy look. The new guy rocked a leather jacket and blue jeans.

His blue eyes lit up with joy as he approached Tony. “Something wrong here?” The new guy gave the first guy--the one insisting he was Tony's soul mate--a once over then turned his full attention on Tony. “You’re looking a little stressed, anything I can do?”

Tony took the hint.

Tony wrapped his hand around the new guy’s elbow. He kept his touch light and breakable in case he’d misread the cue.

“Just some guy claiming to be my soul mate, babe.”

The new guy’s eyebrows rose to his hairline in surprise. He chuckled and gave the first guy a smirk. “Strange. Last time I checked we were soul mates.”

Siren’s Treasure: @akira-of-the-twilight

Prompt: I really love the idea of playboy!Bucky flirt of the seven seas first-mate to Captain Rogers, falling completely overboard in love with our Blacksmith-Inventor Inexperienced!Tony who goes from confident captive to shy woe-begone man in the presence of Bucky's fierce affections. Virgin!Tony wonders what a siren like Bucky could possibly want with him. Bucky wants to know what the fuck Logan thinks he's doing flirting with the man who stole his heart like sunken treasures. Happy ending please?

“Sirens killed your crew?” Steve repeated.

The dark haired man nodded. Just an hour ago the Avenger crew had found the man clinging to driftwood in the middle of the ocean. Now he clutched the flask of rum Bucky had given him like it was all that kept him buoyant during these tumultuous times.

The man—Tony—had already downed more than half the flask and was still sober. “Not exactly my crew, but close enough. Yeah.” Tony uncapped the flask and threw back a mouthful.

Steve frowned. “What do you mean by that?”

Tony shrugged. “I wasn’t captain of the ship.”

“So what were you?” Steve pressed.

Road hazards: @riotwritesthings

Steve and Bucky's BFF road trip is not going well. For starters, Steve couldn't even make it, and for some bizarre reason asked Tony to take his place. The fact that it’s only a couple days before someone is trying to kill them isn’t nearly as stressful as the fact that Bucky and Tony have never really had an actual conversation.

It’s hard to avoid someone when stuck in a car with them though, and if they manage to stay alive they just might learn a thing or two.

Once Upon a Wintertime: @iam93percentstardust (this is an a/b/o verse fic)

Look, Bucky knows that he’s fulfilling every cliché in the book right now. He knows that, as a bodyguard, he’s not supposed to fall in love with his client. But Tony’s good and sweet and so, so lonely and how could Bucky not? He thinks he’s got a shot after Tony breaks up with his boyfriend but on a trip across the country, he finds out that Tony needs a bondmate or the board will steal SI—and Ty’s already said yes.

little bird: @thxngam

Bucky laughs, and it’s loud and unbidden, a way he hadn’t laughed for years before, tugging his giggling omega into his lap. Tony quiets and nestles into Bucky’s chest like he was made to belong there, and Bucky has noticed several times that Tony is much smaller than he is, but he never quite noticed how Tony always seemed to curl into him as a reason for his size.

Tony nestles like a little bird.

Teenage Dream:  @anthonyed

Tony Stark develops a crush on the school's bad boy who is too cool to hang out with anyone. At least, it's what Tony thinks. He never considered that James Barnes is probably as lonely as he is.

(in the process of editing)

The Best Laid Plans (of Mice and Men):  @arboreal-elm-ash-oak

His Dark Materials AU

It was Annalise who noticed their small visitor first.

“Tony,” the spider daemon said softly, skittering up the collar of his dress shirt, two of her eight legs resting delicately against his cheek, “Don’t startle them, but I believe we have a guest. Look, by the coffee table.”

A Kitten and a Soldier: @/ThatDamnKennedyKid

Bucky hadn't heard from Rumlow in years - since the whole Winter Soldier fiasco in Siberia. They've been discharged for nearly six years, but when he gets a message that only says "I need your help" , he grabs his jacket and keys.

The Prince’s Bride: @hddnone

After Tony loses the love of his life to pirates on the high sea, not much matters to him. He agrees to wed Prince Justin Hammer to gain access to vibranium and shut himself away in his workshop until the end of time, but a group of ruffians kidnap Tony to take him to Hydra.

Tony's rescue takes on an unlikely form - the Dread Pirate Rogers, who killed the love of his life five years ago.

A Princess Bride AU

A Kind of Destiny: @weethreequarter

A chance meeting at a wedding brings together an American war veteran and the Prince of Wales. Little do they know, the wheels have been set in motion for a relationship which will change not only their lives, but the monarchy itself. Bucky and Tony strike up a friendship at Steve and Peggy’s wedding, a friendship that soon develops into more. But it’s not so simple: Tony is the Prince of Wales, and heir to the throne of Great Britain and the United Kingdom. Any relationship is played out in the press and public eye, and then there's that pesky issue of succession to consider too. But Bucky is no coward, and when he finds something he wants, he’s prepared to fight for it. And fight he will, at Tony's side, for their very own fairy tale ending.

[scribomaniac]

Something Wicca This Way Comes Ch 12

l Emma l

The silence in the attic was thick and heavy. Liam was still in her face, his nostrils flared and his eyes narrowed as he digested Tink’s words. A part of Emma wanted to punch him straight in his stupid, square jaw, but another part, the part that had kept her alive these past twenty-eight years, cautioned her not to.

“Now that the cat’s out of the bag,” Tink said slowly as she tugged on Liam’s arm, trying to get him to move away from Emma. “Why don’t we all just calm down, yes? Have a cup of tea, maybe?”

Will groaned, pulling himself up into a sitting position, “I could definitely go for some hot chocolate right now.”

Emma’s brow rose. She’d just killed the Source’s son, and they wanted to relax with some hot drinks?

“Come on, boys,” Tink corralled the Charmed Ones towards the stairs, “Let’s get out of their hair for a moment, hmm? We can discuss everything else later, hmm?”

Emma watched them go, barely catching Killian’s blue eyes as he let himself be guided from the room. Then, before she knew what was happening, two pairs of arms were around her, holding her tightly.

“Oh, Emma,” Mary Margaret—her mother—said softly, her voice wobbling in a way that warned Emma of oncoming tears.

Gritting her teeth, Emma tried her best not to stiffen in their embrace. She hadn’t been held like this since—well, she couldn’t ever remember being hugged like this. The Underworld wasn’t very big on hugging, and while hugging Killian had been nice, it had felt more like a manipulation tactic than a genuine show of affection.

Eventually though, Emma reached her limit. “Right,” she stepped away from David and Mary Margaret. “I really—we don’t have to do this. We can just—”

“Emma,” Mary Margaret smiled and stepped closer to take Emma’s hands, “look at you—you’re,” her eyes began to water. “You’re so beautiful.”

“Come on,” David—her father—wrapped one arm around Emma and another around his wife, “let’s sit down and talk.”

“No,” Emma pulled her hands from Mary Margaret and slid out from David’ arm. “I mean, I don’t really want to talk—”

“Well I do,” Mary Margaret interrupted while taking a seat and looking expectantly at Emma and David to do the same. “Okay? Evil can wait—I can’t.”

David took a seat beside his wife.

Taking in a deep, shaky breath, Mary Margaret continued, “You’re my daughter and,” she smiled wide, sincerity shining through her teeth, “I want to talk to you.”

Swallowing dryly, Emma hoped this awkwardness would be over soon and took a seat across from her parents. “Alright,” she shrugged uncomfortably, “let’s talk.”

“We just,” David started, then stopped to rub the back of his neck, “I just want you to know that we looked for you. We never stopped looking for you.” His blue eyes poured into hers and the anguish there made Emma’s chest hurt. “”I’m so sorry, Emma.”

Mary Margaret nodded, “I know your life couldn’t have been easy, but I want you to know how much we love you and—”

“Okay, that’s enough for now.” Emma stood suddenly and immediately headed for the door. Listening to them talk, seeing them cry, it was all too much. She felt like she was being buried alive under their guilt and regret. “I need some air.”

She heard David and Mary Margaret call for her as she bolted down the stairs and steadfastly ignored them. And of course, because she’d never had any crumb of good luck, she ran straight into the Charmed Ones. They were seated in their living room with their delicate little cups of China in their hands, each steaming with some sort of relaxing liquid.

“Swan?” Killian asked, his brows raised and concern etched all over his face.

Grimacing, Emma shook her head and stormed off towards the kitchen, hoping nobody would follow her. Why did everyone have to care so much? And so obviously, too? Didn’t they know how vulnerable that made them? How easy that concern could be manipulated?

Turning on the kitchen faucet, Emma splashed water into her face, hoping to relieve the heat that had begun to burn against her skin. It helped a little, but not enough. She needed to find a release.

Before today, she would’ve known exactly what to do. She’d either take a swig of tonic or released a burst of fire. Now, she had no idea. The tonic was poison and her fire was gone. It’d be replaced with a bright light that she barely understood and didn’t know how to summon. Tink, that white-lighter, had said she’d help, but so far all she’d done was leave her alone with two overbearing strangers.

“Do I need to remind you that those strangers are your parents?” Tink asked, suddenly at Emma’s side.

Forcing herself not to jump in surprise, Emma asked, “Isn’t it rude to read people’s minds?”

The white-lighter shrugged, “Maybe. It does come in handy though, whenever I have a particularly cagey charge.” When Emma didn’t respond and simply turned the sink off, Tink nudged the other woman in the side, “Come on, it couldn’t have been that bad.”

Emma grimaced, “They almost cried.”

Tink laughed, “I’m surprised waterfalls weren’t pouring from their eyes! They love you, Emma, what’s so wrong about that?”

Lots of things, Emma thought. She’d been taught from day one that love was a weakness. Yes, that lesson had been taught by demons, and she recognized that it was probably flawed, but those lessons had kept her alive. Just because she finally knew the truth about where she came from—that she was wanted—didn’t change any of that.

“I don’t know what to do,” Emma admitted quietly. “I don’t know what you all want from me.”

It was so easy, in the Underworld. All anyone ever wanted down there was power. Up here it was so much more complex.

When Tink didn’t immediately respond with some generic platitude, Emma knew something was up. Looking at the blonde white-lighter, she saw Tink’s lips had pursed, as if she were trying to decide how to say something difficult.

Emma groaned, “What—just say it.”

“Well,” Tink said slowly, her eyes sliding to the kitchen’s entrance, making sure no one was about to walk in. “I hadn’t want to mention this so soon—I wanted you to have more time with your parents; Killian, even, but . . .”

“Just say it.”

“It’s about your destiny.”

Brows raising, Emma asked, “My destiny? What, like that stuff’s real?”

Tink nodded, still not looking at Emma. “Every witch has one, you see. Some are simple, like undoing a curse, and some are a bit harder to complete.” Taking a deep breath, Tink gestured towards the rest of the house. “Mary Margaret didn’t know this, but her destiny was to have you—the Savior. The Charmed Ones—their destiny was to restore the balance between good and evil.”

Pushing hair out of her face, Emma caught the use of past tense and asked, “Was?”

Tink nodded, “They completed it. Last night.” She finally returned her gaze to Emma’s. “When you saved them by using your powers—your real ones. By becoming the Savior properly.”

“Okay,” Emma’s brows furrowed. “Then what’s my destiny?”

Taking a deep breath, Tink looked away again and said, “To defeat the Source.”

“What?”

“I know—”

“No,” Emma interrupted. “You don’t know. How the hell am I supposed to defeat Rumpelstiltskin?” Pushing away from the sink and from her white-lighter, Emma thought of the scaled demon and shuddered. “He’s been around for almost a thousand years. No one’s been able to even come close to overthrowing him.”

There’d been hundreds of coups against the Source’s life, and no one ever lived to talk about it. Once Rumpelstiltskin had destroyed single every upper level demon based off the faintest of rumors that there was an uprising stirring. He’d rather raze the entirety of the Underworld than lose an ounce of his power. What the hell was she supposed to do against something like that?

“God,” she spat, glaring at Tink, “your side no different than theirs! No, you’re actually worse!” She was yelling now, but she didn’t care. Let them all hear what she thought of the “good” side. “At least with demons you know you’re being manipulated. You all just cover up your own manipulation with a shitty bow called destiny.”

Footsteps were quickly approaching the kitchen. She didn’t dare look at who they belonged to. No, Emma kept her eyes right on Tink and her ever shrinking form.

“Well screw this and screw you! If you want the Source dead then do it yourselves. I didn’t sign up for this—for any of this—and I’m not going to go on a suicide mission just because you and your Elders say it’s my destiny. It’s not destiny—it’s bullshit!”

This—listening to Tink, returning to the manor, becoming the Savior—was a mistake. She wanted out of here. Now. Emma tried to shimmer, forgetting that power was lost to her, and almost screamed in her frustration. Turning towards the kitchen’s only exit, she found it blocked by the Charmed Ones, each of them staring at her with looks of pity, contempt, and concern. None of which Emma could stand at the moment. That left her with one option—the basement.

Slamming the door behind her, Emma fled down the rickety old stairs into the darkness. She didn’t care about finding a light source. Darkness was an old friend to her from the days before she could consistently start a fire. It comforted her, even now. Finding the darkest corner that she could, Emma sat on the cold ground with her knees pulled into her chest.

The cold felt nice against her too hot skin. Deciding she’d find her way out of the house once she began to shiver, Emma settled in for a long wait and hoped, once again, that no one would come down to join her. She didn’t know what she would do if someone tried to reason with her right now. If Tink were the one to try it, if she even tried to read her mind again, Emma would breathe fire at her, powers gone or not.

If it were Killian . . . Emma honestly didn’t know what she’d do. Tightening her hold around her legs, she tried to sort out the tangled mess of feelings that always found its way into her chest whenever she thought of him. She knew he hated her. He had to, after everything, and she was alright with that. Hate she could understand.

But then why did he always look so concerned when he looked at her? That made no sense. Perhaps he pitied her? But that didn’t feel right. Emma had seen pity, had felt it, and that wasn’t what Killian was expressing.

And then there was how she felt towards him. Everything that had happened between them had been fake, a ruse, a way to manipulate him and his brothers. But, had it been? When they’d been together she’d felt . . . happy? Was that the right word? Emma couldn’t be sure, but she knew it was the closest to happy she’d ever been.

And then there was that other feeling. The one that reminded her so much of lust she sometimes explained it away as such. But it wasn’t lust. She’d felt lust for Baelfire, once upon a time, and this was so much more. Whatever this was, it never left her feeling empty or ashamed. It was delicate and small, and yet not easily pushed to the side or forgotten. Part of Emma wanted to know exactly what this feeling was, but another part told her not to look at it too closely.

Shaking her head, Emma told herself firmly that it didn’t matter. Feelings didn’t matter. What did matter was her survival, and the best way to do that was to get as far away from this house and its inhabitants as possible.

But, of course, before Emma could even properly think of an escape plan, the door to the basement opened, and someone turned on the light. The floors creaked as someone walked down them. Their steps were light and resolute, and soon enough Emma found Mary Margaret standing in front of her.

“Hello,” the dark haired woman greeted a bit awkwardly. “Ah—do you mind if I—” she gestured to the spot next to Emma.

Emma shrugged, feeling too tired to deter her.

“Thanks.” Mary Margaret sat down and shivered. “Sure is cold down here, huh?” She shook her head but didn’t say anything else.

They stayed like that for a while, sitting beside one another quietly. Emma could feel the other woman shiver, could hear the quiet chattering of her teeth, but still she didn’t complain or leave to be more comfortable.

Some more time passed, and then some more, and eventually Emma realized Mary Margaret wasn’t going to leave, and she wasn’t going to pressure Emma into talking. And that somehow made things easier.

Slowly, Emma relaxed her grip around her knees and leaned back against the basement’s wall. The cold of it made her skin prickle with goosebumps.  

“Where’s David?” Emma found herself asking.

“He got called into work.” Mary Margaret waved the phone in her hand, “It sounded important so I promised I’d keep him updated if anything happened.”

Emma huffed out a laugh and looked up at the ceiling, “Anything like me running off again?”

Mary Margaret shrugged, “Or if the Elders try to pick a fight, anything like that.”

“Do they do that often? Pick fights?”

Another shrug, “They can be a little bossy every now and then, but do you want to know why they always lose?”

Emma raised a brow.

“Because of free will.” Giving Emma an impish smile, Mary Margaret ducked her head away and continued, “They can’t force us to do anything we don’t want to, you know. So even when they say things like ‘destiny’, it doesn’t mean much unless you want it to.”

Emma hummed suspiciously, but didn’t comment.

“They were pretty mad at me, you know,” Mary Margaret said, playing with her wedding ring, “when I quit practicing magic. It was before I had you, and they were worried that I—I don’t know.” She shook her head, “But they even had the Angel of Fate come down to try and talk me out of it. In the end though, it was still my decision to make, and they had to accept it.”

There was a pause, and then Emma asked, “Why did you quit?”

Looking up at her daughter, Mary Margaret smiled sadly, “I killed an Innocent. I wonder,” her brows furrowed, but then she shook her head. “He stepped in the way for a demon he loved, and that,” she rubbed at her eyes, “it almost destroyed me.”

Mary Margaret took a deep breath, then added, “I thought that would be penance for my crime. I thought that if I gave up magic, then that would be the end of it. The price for my crime, but,” her voice turned thick, “then you were taken from me. You know, I’d only held you once before you were stolen.” She sniffed, obviously trying hard to keep the tears at bay.

Emma thought about how Mary Margaret had hugged her earlier, how Emma had pulled herself free not long after. Her stomach sank and before Emma fully processed what she was doing, she found her arm reaching around the other woman’s shoulders. I’m sorry, she wanted to say. I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m sorry no one protected you. I’m sorry we didn’t have more time. But the words became stuck in Emma’s throat.

Mary Margaret’s hand found Emma’s and gave it a firm squeeze. Sobbing out a laugh, Mary Margaret used her other hand to brush away some tears, “I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. I know it makes you uncomfortable.”

Brows raising, Emma felt her heart tighten. “It’s okay,” she said, “It doesn’t—I don’t mind.”

Mary Margaret laughed again, and this time it was less watery, “Thanks.” Dabbing her eyes with the edge of her shirt sleeve, Mary Margaret then turned to get a good look at her daughter. “Emma, I’m so glad that you’re back, that we found each other again.” She gave Emma’s hand another squeeze, “And I’m glad because you’re back, do you understand? Not as the Savior, or for anything related to magic, but because you’re my daughter and I love you. I always have. And if you want to leave this all behind, then we will. Just say the word and your father and I will take you far away from here.”

Letting out a deep breath, Emma let the stress bleed out from her shoulders and settled more comfortably against Mary Margaret. She still had no idea what to do next, but as Emma took a deep breath, smelling roses and almonds, she knew that whatever she did, she wouldn’t have to do it alone.

[elizabeethan]

14!

Hanging Up Mistletoe

This took a turn... so enjoy some smutty crack on this lovely Monday afternoon

Takes place in the My Hands, Your Hands universe!

Send me a Holiday Prompt!

Killian won’t stop humming It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas.

It’s been eight weeks since their first date, just one night after their first kiss, and everything has been perfect. She’s never been so happy, day in and day out, and Killian has been a wonderful and respectful partner to her. The only problem is that they still haven’t told their friends, and he won’t stop humming.

“Did you know Michael Buble covered this song, Swan?” He asked her as he messed with a piece of tape, and she rolled her eyes.

It’s not as if they’re trying to keep it a secret. Both of them have been in relationships that have ended badly, and they agreed that it might be nice to keep things to themselves for the first little while, but they weren’t purposely not telling anyone. It’s just that no one has asked.

They all celebrated Thanksgiving together in the loft a few weeks ago and still no one noticed. It isn’t like Killian’s being shy with the way he flirts with her, and she certainly isn’t shy about returning it, but no one seems to give them a second glance. Perhaps that’s why they’ve gotten so comfortable with publicly and excessively flirting with each other and then sneaking off to bump uglies in his bedroom.

Perhaps that’s why hanging the mistletoe in the living room has led to Emma waiting for him in his room wearing nothing but her festive apron.

She sneaks across the hall into his room almost every night. Some nights it’s not for sex, but most nights it is. It’s just that he’s really good at it. She tries to brush from her mind the amount of practice he may or may not have had throughout his life, because she honestly doesn't care. Whatever it took for him to get like that is good enough for her.

She sees that her text has been read, then hears a slight commotion outside the door before it swings open much too quickly and she’s met with her grinning, already-slightly-hard boyfriend. She giggles. “That didn’t take long,” she says playfully.

“Well, when I get a distress call from a fair maiden, I’m on the spot.”

“I’m not distressed.”

“No? I thought you needed help with untying these…” he says, suggestively trailing his fingers along the bow tied at the front of the apron, just under her breasts. “Isn’t that what the photo you sent me was supposed to convey?”

She hums out a giggle again, tugging on the collar of his shirt and dragging him onto the bed on top of her. “I needed help hanging some more mistletoe,” she mumbles between kisses, “in here.”

“Over this?” He asks, pressing a kiss to the side of her breast exposed to the chilly air. “Or perhaps we should hang it a bit… lower…”

He trails his fingers down the front of the apron, tugging the bow undone and letting the ties fall to her side. “How low?” She asks breathlessly as he drags his mouth down, down, down.

He hums a throaty laugh into her skin and it makes her shiver. She lets her eyes slip closed as he drags his hand up her thigh, stopping to squeeze her ass firmly then moving swiftly to bury his head under the fabric of the apron and nip at her exposed flesh. She doesn’t hesitate to lift her knees, opening herself up to him easily and planting her heels on his back as he dives in with little preamble.

Did she mention that he’s good at this?

So good, in fact, that she has to grab his pillow and shove it over her own face to keep from shouting and alerting the others of their activities as he dives two fingers into her and curls them just right.

The only thing keeping the apron from falling off of her is the straps tied around her neck, and she’s about to tug them open so that she can remove it and see his dark hair between her legs, moving her hand from the pillow to behind her neck, when the door flies open.

“Killian, have you seen Em— ooooh, shit.” He stills under the apron. Emma stills under the pillow. She pushes it harder to her face in hopes that it suffocates her so that she doesn't have to face Ruby. “I see. I won’t tell her I saw you and… whoever this is,” she says pointedly, aggressively, and slams the door.

He hums in thought against her sensitive clit and she squeezes her thighs around his head. “Dammit, Killian,” she says exasperatedly. She expects him to stop and to pop his cocky face up from between her thighs, but he doesn't. She tosses the pillow aside so that she can look down at him, though he’s still hiding below the apron as he continues his ministrations against her. “You should,” she starts, but she can’t finish. Well, actually she can, and she likely will if he doesn't stop, but he really should stop, shouldn’t he?

He doesn't stop. He continues to curl his thick fingers against her just so, sucking and nipping at her clit until she’s putty in his hands. She presses her heels harder into his back to hold him in place, begging him not to move from exactly the spot that he’s in, then shoves the apron away so that she can grip his hair. “Fuck,” she breathes out. “Don’t sto—” He doesn’t stop until she’s seeing stars. Or maybe they’re silver bells. Whatever.

He laughs lightly as he crawls up her body, sucking on his fingers and licking his lips because he absolutely wants to drive her completely insane. When he reaches her head, he presses a soft kiss to her lips and runs his weakened left hand along the side of her face as best he can. “How the hell did she not know it was you?”

“Because I had my face shoved into a pillow to keep quiet.”

He laughs again, kissing her temple as he settles next to her and drapes his arm over the waist. “Well, it didn’t work very well in the end there.”

“I didn’t notice.”

“I’m sure the others did, love.”

She shrugs, snuggling into his side and biting against his collarbone. “Maybe we should go out there. Although I did lose my clothes, and I’m pretty sure Ruby’s probably waiting in my room.”

“You lost them, did you? Is that what’s happened here, you minx?” She giggles softly against his chest, the breath coming from her nose moving the hair just slightly. “Are you alright with them knowing?”

“Yeah. Are you?”

“Yeah.”

~~~~

Ruby isn’t waiting in her room, so she’s able to safely get dressed and join the small party after applying a bit of concealer to the side of her neck. Killian isn’t there, but she assumes that he’ll be on his way.

“There you are, sweetie,” Mary Margaret says as she re-enters and is tugged into the kitchen. “Ruby and I need to talk to you.”

“Emma!” Ruby calls once she’s in the kitchen, and she rushes over to her friend and takes her hands. “You okay?”

“Fine, why?”

Ruby sighs and Mary Margaret runs a hand comfortingly up Emma’s arm. Emma smirks slightly but holds it together as Ruby says, “I don’t want you to freak out, but I just walked in on Killian and the girl he’s been boning. I’m so sorry.”

“Ruby—”

“We really didn’t want you to find out like this, Emma. We know you’ve had feelings for him and you’ve seemed so happy lately, but he’s been sleeping around with some woman. David and Will say they hear them almost every night.”

They both look so concerned for their friend, and Emma finds it sweet aside from the fact that they’re completely off base. “It’s alright,” she says with a soft smile.

“No it isn’t, it’s completely insensitive. That’s why we sent David in to talk to him.”

Emma laughs and shakes her head as she makes her way to the fridge for some eggnog. “I’m sure that’s not necessary.”

“We just want what’s best for you, Emma. Ruby told me about a few weeks ago when you almost kissed, and if the two of you didn’t work out, that’s fine, but he shouldn’t be rubbing it in your face.”

“I think I’m the one rubbing it in his face,” she deadpans, and Ruby scrunches her thick, perfect brows together in confusion.

“What, the fact that you’re single?”

She laughs, then hears David’s booming voice coming from down the hall as he makes his way towards the living area and she knows that he’s pissed.

“Would it kill you to take this seriously, Jones? This is my sister we’re talking about here.”

“Aye, mate, I’m well aware. I believe I’m taking things very seriously.”

“Then at least have the decency to be discreet!” He shouts.

“David,” Emma tries.

“No, Emma, I’m tired of Killian being a huge asshole to you and having no regard for how you might be feeling. It’s not a secret how you felt that night the last time we played that stupid game.”

“I know it isn’t.”

“So don’t you want him to quit flaunting his new fling when he knows you live across the hall?”

“David, I’m his new fling.”

His face falls. He goes from angry to irate in a matter of seconds as he absorbs Emma’s meaning, turning slowly towards her with his eyes the size of saucers then back around to Killian. “My sister?!”

“Mate—”

“Don’t you mate me! You think you can get away with defiling my sister? My best friend and my sister?!”

“David, honey, just calm down,” Mary Margaret says, making her way around the counter.

“My best friend and my sister!”

“David, he isn’t defiling me! We’ve been dating for two months!”

He freezes. He turns back towards her and she can see the red flush fading as he seems to relax. “Dating?”

“Yes, dating. Like, we’re in a relationship.”

He turns towards Killian again, who looks to Emma and grins. “Relationship?”

“Aye, mate.”

“My best friend and my sister…” he says, as if trying it on for size now, rather than using it as an excuse for second degree murder.

“Right. Dating.”

“You two are dating?” Ruby asks from behind her, and she spins around and smirks.

“Yep.”

“So earlier… when I busted into Killian’s room…”

“Yeah, thanks for that.”

“Oh my god…”

“You guys need to learn to keep it down, then, bloody hell,” Will says from the couch.

Christmas goes off without another hitch.

They try really, really hard to keep it down later on when they pick up where they left off, honest.

Some things just don’t always go to plan.

~~~~

~~~~

[thejacketandthehook]

The Art of Pretending 3/?

Title: The Art of Pretending 3/?

Author: thejacketandthehook (aka everystareverywhere)

Summary:  Killian Jones needs a family and needs one now. In order to impress his boss, Killian hires a single mother and her son to pretend to be his wife and son for the weekend. Nothing can go wrong, right?

Rating: Teen (for language)

Words:  9746

Author’s Notes: Hello all! Here is my submission for the @captainswanmoviemarathon! This is based off of the Lifetime movie, “Borrowed Hearts,” starring Eric McCormack and Roma Downey. The movie came out in 1997, and I consider it to be one of the first made-for-tv Christmas movies.

A couple of years ago I was watching it and thought this would be a fantastic scenario for our favorite Captain and Savior. I wrote it and then stopped, and then started it again, only to stop again. When I saw this movie marathon, I knew instantly this was the movie I wanted to do and I wanted to make sure that I finished it this time.

I hope you enjoy it!

A30

Chapters: 1 | 2

Killian rubbed the back of his neck before sitting down on his couch. After a moment, he bounced up and began pacing in front of said couch before he sat down on one of the armchairs. Leaning his elbows on his knees, he used both hands to rub this neck before he jumped back up again.

“Would you calm down?!” Regina all but screamed at him as he paced once more. “Everything is going to be fine.”

“You have to say that because you got me into this mess,” he commented.

She sighed. “I’d apologize, but if this works, then you can send me a very expensive bottle of champagne as thank you.”

He suppressed the urge to roll his eyes – barely – before continuing, “Let’s get through this before anyone starts celebrating.”

Regina sighed before looking at her phone once more. “It’s going to be fine, Jones. I’m sure this…Emma person is fine and so is her son. Besides, it’s only two days. It’s not like you’re going to have to be married to her forever.”

He sighed. He knew she was she right. It wasn’t forever; it was barely even 48 hours. Mr. Woodman would be arriving Friday night, and be leaving Sunday morning. So it was only Friday evening and all of Saturday that he had to worry about. By Sunday night, his life would return to normalcy – except for the fact that he could be moving to London and being the manager of the London branch. Which he would love, since that would bring him closer to his brother and his family.

He sat down before leaning his head back on the chair. He actually spoke to his brother last night about this whole…arrangement, and well, Liam had a few chose words for him.

“Are you mad, brother?!” he yelled. “What the bloody hell are you thinking?! Lying to impress your boss?! That has to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of!”

He wasn’t wrong, which made this whole situation worse. Liam was right; lying to Mr. Woodman would blow up in his face, surely. What would happen when Mr. Woodman goes to London and wants to visit Killian and his “family”? There are so many times he could say “They’re visiting her family” until it looks like he just made them up. Which he did. Well, at least, Regina did. But at that point, who the bloody hell would care?

Not that Killian wasn’t worried about who exactly this Emma woman and her son were. He can’t believe that he never met her before, seeing how close he and David are. After David told them that he would ask Emma if she would even consider it, he told Killian that his wife and Emma were the best of friends, almost like sisters. In fact, he went on to say, “Emma is kind of like my sister too.” So, how in the world have they not met before?

But, putting that aside for the moment, what was this woman even like? They had to pretend to be married, for God’s sake, hopefully there would be some kind of…attraction. Killian wasn’t the best actor on a good day, his brother’s words ringing in his head: “You always wear your heart on your sleeve, Killian. I always know how you’re feeling with just a glance in your direction.” If he wasn’t attracted to Emma, this could be a small problem.

“It’s just for weekend,” Regina’s words echoed. Well, that was true too. He could pretend for less than 48 hours. At least, he was sure that he could.

But what about her kid? What if he was a horrible little thing, totally spoiled? Killian was…okay with kids. He wasn’t really around them enough to decide whether or not he had a strong opinion about them. They seemed fine, from a distance. But now he was going to have one. In his house. What the hell did he get himself into?

Before he could really start panicking, which honestly was going to be any minute now, the doorbell rang.

“Thank God,” Regina sighed before she got up to get the bell. “Honestly, they must have taken the long way to get here.”

Killian was hot on her heels, following behind. He tried to look confident, but was afraid that his nerves were just overcoming his face. Regina had her hand on the doorknob before she looked back at him.

“Ready?”

He nodded.

Regina opened the door to reveal David, a young boy with light brown hair and brown eyes, and a woman that was probably the same age as David, if not a little younger.

The woman, though…

Bloody hell.

She was beautiful. She had a heart shaped face, with a small dimple at the chin, light green eyes and blonde hair that even in a ponytail touched between her shoulder blades. But even though she looks a little different now, he would know her anywhere. When she noticed Killian, her eyes grew bigger and her mouth dropped a little.

“Oh. You” was all she said.

David looked at Emma before looking at Killian. “Do you two know each other?”

“I’m Henry!” the little boy piped up. He was a cute kid, with some bottom teeth missing, and his eyes bright. He ran over to Killian before putting his hand out like he wanted to shake hands. “I’m going to be your son.”

Killian chuckled before taking the kid’s hand. Well, if nothing else, the kid at least broke some of the tension in the room.

“Nice to meet you, Henry. I’m Killian. I’ll be playing the role of your dad.”

Henry let go of Killian’s hand before tilting his head. “You speak like the people on that television show Mary Margaret and Mom watch. Are you British?”

Killian nodded. “I am indeed. I’m from a small town outside of London. My brother lives there now, with his wife and child.”

“Cool! I always wanted to go to London!”

“Since when?” Emma asked. Killian’s eyes found hers and for a moment they looked at each other before she looked down at her son.

“I just do,” Henry insisted before taking a step further into the house. “Can I see my room?”

“Er, sure.”

Regina stepped up and said, “It’s upstairs and to the left. Let me show you. I’m Regina, by the way.”

“Are you the Evil Queen? That’s what Uncle David calls you.”

“Uncle David” became fascinated with his shoes and wouldn’t glance at Regina, even though she was giving him the death glare.

When they went upstairs, David repeated his earlier question, “Do you two know each other?”

Emma nodded. “I…I think so. We might have" she cleared her throat, "…met before.”

Killian agreed. “Yeah. About two years ago?”

She nodded again. “Right. Yeah.”

David looked at the two of them before asking, “Do I want to know what happened?”

Killian and Emma looked at each other, and for a moment all Killian could feel was her skin under his hands, and his lips against hers.

Emma spoke up, bringing Killian back to the present. “Probably not,” she muttered before looking down, her cheeks a light red. He wondered if she was suddenly brought back to that moment too.

“You both were so sure that you didn’t know each other,” David insisted.

Killian clear his throat before looking at his friend. “We never got each other’s names.”

He looked at Emma, his heart pounding even harder than it was earlier.

Well, he didn’t have to worry about being attracted to her. Because he knew for a fact that he was.

~*~

It had to be him, didn’t it? Of all the freaking people in the world, the man that she might be “married” to for 48 hours had to be him!

Emma cleared her throat, trying to get moisture back into her mouth. She was a nervous reck all morning, wondering just what in blazes she was even thinking to even agree to this stupid idea. She almost backed out about three times, before Mary Margaret calmed her down, claiming that this would be a good thing. An extra two thousand dollars could help her as she goes looking for a nicer (or at least bigger) apartment.

But him?

“Where did you two meet?” David innocently asked.

Emma looked over at…Killian and answered, “Actually, at your birthday party about two years ago?” she finished as a question, unsure if her time was right.

Killian nodded. “Two years sounds about right.”

“I didn’t know that,” David exclaimed. He thought for a moment before saying, “That’s when we went to The Rabbit Hole. So you two have met?”

Emma looked down, her cheeks blushing though she wished they wouldn’t. “Yeah, something like that.”

All three were silent for a moment before David asked, “I really don’t want to know, do I?”

Killian gave a smile that was almost dashing as he proclaimed, “No. No, you do not.”

Emma looked up at Killian and gave a small smile. Killian winked at her before gesturing to the hallway behind him. “Shall we?”

For the first time since seeing the outside (which, yeah, David told Henry and her that it was huge, but damn it was big), Emma looked around the house. They were currently standing in the hallway/foyer which alone was tremendous. To her left was the formal dining room and to the right looked like a bathroom. As they moved further into the house, the staircase was to the right, going straight up to the second floor, and to the right was the doorway to the kitchen. The back of the house was a massive living room, that had a couch big enough to fit the three of them comfortably, two winged chairs, and a fireplace that doesn’t look like it’s ever been used.

As Emma looked around, her mind still racing with discovering just who exactly she was helping out, she couldn’t help but notice that though the house was gorgeous, it lacked…something. She couldn’t put her finger on it exactly.

“Have a seat,” Killian said, gesturing to the couch. “Make yourself at home.”

“It could be your home,” David smiled at Emma. When she just looked at him, he cleared his throat once before saying, “You know for two days.”

“Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” Henry yelled, running down the stairs.

Emma stood up and said, “In here, Henry!”

Regina must have told him where to go, for it took a few seconds longer for him to run in than it should have. But when he came into the room, his smile was bright and he looked thrilled with what he just saw.

“Mommy, the room is huge! So big! And the bed, Mommy, the bed is so bouncy. And it’s a big bed, like you have!”

“You need toys,” Regina said, sitting in one of the winged chairs before looking at Killian. “You need way more toys.”

Killian shrugged. “I figured Henry could bring some.”

Regina sighed and David shook his head. “Man, I know that you aren’t around a lot of children, but they have a lot of toys.”

“Fine. We’ll get more toys.”

Emma, who was admiring the art work in the room, piped up, “You might need to get new things.”

Everyone was looking at her, which made her self-conscious. “What do you mean?” Killian asked. “What more could you possibly want in this house? It has everything.”

She nodded. “Yeah. It does. I mean, it’s beautiful, but…” She looked down at Henry, who smiled at her before taking off his school bag and taking his toy car out.

“But what?”

She looked up at him. “It doesn’t look like…like a home, you know?”

Regina, David, and Killian looked around. Regina and David started to nod, as though in agreement with Emma, but Killian looked almost insulted.

“It’s a fine home,” he insisted.

“It is!” Emma proclaimed. “It is, it’s just…it doesn’t look lived in. At all.”

“I agree,” Regina said with a nod.

“What in bloody hell are you talking about?” Killian said, louder than he should have.

“Temper,” Regina muttered as a warning, loud enough for Killian to hear.

Henry looked up at him. “We have to use our nice words.”

Killian looked at him like he could not believe those words were just directed at him. Before he could make another comment, David piped up, “I agree. It’s kind of…cool.”

“Exactly! We need to make it look like we’re all here, living together.”

Killian rolled his eyes before asking, “And just what did you have in mind, oh wife-of-mine-for-48-hours?”

Emma crossed her arms and tilted her head. “Do you want my help or not? Because I can leave here and not look back, fine by me.”

Killian took a deep breath and counted silently to ten before asking in a calmer voice, “Sorry. What do you have in mind?”

Emma still had her arms crossed for a moment before she released them and opened her purse that was slung across her body. She took out some pictures before holding them up. “Family photos. Surely families have pictures of themselves around the house.”

Killian nodded. “Yeah, okay, we’ll get some picture frames for them.”

She handed them to him before she looked over to an empty space that was almost in the shape of a hexagon. “And here,” she added, “We could put the tree here.”

“A tree?” Killian asked, as though he never heard of such a thing. “But Mr. Woodman is only going to be here for 48 hours!”

Emma turned to look at him. “A family with a young kid would definitely have a Christmas tree up the weekend before Christmas. Not a huge tree, mind you.” She looked back at the spot and for a moment and got lost in thought. She could almost see herself and Henry laughing as they put up the tree, and getting some old ornaments that Emma was able to scrounge around for. She smiled as she pictured Henry anxiously making sure the star on top was just right.

“Emma?”

She quickly looked behind her to see the three adults looking at her a bit curiously. “Sorry,” she said, before clearing her throat. “I just got lost in thought for a moment.”

Killian put Emma’s picture down on the coffee table before he sat down besides David. “Okay, so I imagine that you have some questions. Perhaps we should make sure that everyone involved knows their role before we start changing my house around.”

Emma nodded before going over to the other empty winged chair, and rubbed Henry’s head as she sat down. “Yes, I have some questions.” She cleared her throat before asking, “I’m getting my own room, right?”

“Yep. Next to the master’s suite is a small guest room. You’ll be sleeping in there.”

“And Mr. Woodman is staying here too?”

“Yes, there’s another room next to the library, which is where he will be sleeping.”

Emma went to ask another question before what he said registered in her brain. “Wait, next to the library…how many rooms are in this place?”

“A lot,” he said with a cocky smile.

Emma froze, looking at Killian and trying to remember how exactly she was supposed to breath. She hated that a small part of her was still….

No. No, she couldn’t think about that moment. She would get lost in her own thoughts again.  

Shaking her head, she continued, “What do we do with cooking and such? Because I can’t cook and I am certainly not cleaning up after you.”

“Well, I can cook if need-be,” he said, leaning forward. “As for cleaning, I have a maid.”

“House keeper,” David corrected.

Killian sighed before repeating, “House keeper. She’ll make sure everything is clean.”

“She knows what’s going on?”

“Yes. If you agree, she’ll meet with you and Henry to get acquainted.”

Emma nodded. “And this is next week, right?”

“Yes. The weekend of the nineteenth.”

Emma nodded once more. So the nineteenth and twentieth, Emma and Henry would be “working” for Killian. That still gave them four days to prepare for Christmas. Plus, Henry will be off from school for the Holiday break that week, so it’ll be even better.

Killian cleared his throat before asking, “So, do we have a deal?”

Emma looked at him and for a moment was brought back to that night three years ago.

“Perhaps you’re the one who couldn’t handle it,” she could see him smirking in her mind’s eye.

Shaking her head now, she cleared that imagine from her mind as she looked at Killian and replied, “Not so fast. I need to talk to my son.”

Putting her hand on his head, Emma leaned forward and said softly, “Listen, Henry, what—”

But she didn’t get to finish, because Henry yelled loudly, “Mommy, take it!”

Emma looked sheepishly up at Killian before standing up. She held out her hand and said, “It looks like you have a deal.”

Killian stood up and shook her hand as Regina jumped up and announced, “I now pronounce you husband and wife!”