#i mentioned sh once in this post and i am going to do all of these tags in case

[homocidalpotat]

seriously tho... why aren't there universal tags for anything

like i can block 10 different tags about self harm and still find posts about self harm (an extremely triggering subject for me)

but equally, i have to follow at least 10 different tags for the same thing just because there isnt a common name.

its so annoying, and it means that even if you properly tag something triggering, someone who is triggered by your post could still see it because the tag they blocked was marginally different.

grrr

[lukolabrainrot]

also, I want to remind people what Luke is actively dealing with. First of all he's dealing with a young girl that has been petty since the beginning. Wearing clothes that are well known to be shirts that he's taking pictures with his ex and nic. Posting and deleting to enrage fans. Dropping pictures where we know they were together . She's very cunning. So I'm sure just based upon what we know that she's going to be messy. So I'm sure he's trying to do everything he can to keep it from being so messy. Then you'll have his friend group. We can all see that Rory was really weird with A. It doesn't take rocket science to know that something between those two was wrong. So Luke has a lot on his plate that he has to care of. One of those things is his best friend for years. No matter how you slice that it's going to hurt. He needed time to heal. He needed time to decide what he wants from his life. He needed time to decide if he was going to work on friendships or was going to let them go. He also has to do it in a way where it doesn't implode his life. He's on a very line. And they've all been very very quiet that to me is alarming. And one thing we know is Nicola will go to bat for Luke. She will let a narrative be put out there to help him. If it gets attention off of him and allows him to break off things, then she would do it. The timing of all of this very interesting. It's not the first time we heard of JD and Nic spending time together. So why did we hear so much silence in the beginning of the summer? Why is it the Nicola jumped online after Italy?When we know Luke came home two days before everybody else. And why is it that we've seen DM backpedal not once but twice now? She's backpedaling pretty hard when she normally doesn't do that. These are things to keep in mind when you're being fed narratives. And that's exactly what's happening. We're being fed a narrative.

💯

My friend and I think that in some ways, N wants to paint this narrative that she isn't perfect either, that way WHEN N/L go public (because I do think it's a WHEN atp for these two), the public narrative will be like "See no one is perfect." REGARDLESS of what has ACTUALLY been going on for these two BTS since the PR tour (because we are just never going to know that whole story).

N LOVES L. This narrative with JD has proved that to me. She is definitely going to bat for him, and JD (one of her very good FRIENDS) has agreed to help. Because let's be honest, people have been holding N on a pedestal, and just been sh*tting on L all summer. But there are a lot of similarities with this JD narrative as there was with the A narrative, but people are responding VERY differently to JD than they did to A, just saying... N might be trying to prove a point, even if the narrative isn't true.

After what N posted after the Italy bday trip, and with this current JD narrative, I am even more certain that something is happening currently for L/N BTS, and we will probably be getting more crumbs. However, as Anon has mentioned, N plays chess, and we can only play checkers. So the public optics might look kind of interesting...

[selleprotection]

TW sh (self harm) !!

i have came across @hmusunoo recent post regarding @/jaeyunsonlyy, and i reached out to them sharing an encounter i’ve had with her during the times we would talk. please go and check rain’s post to get better understating/context for the next pictures. i won’t get into the details of how we started talking because it was the most simple shit ever but as days went by we were talking occasionally/on a daily basis almost, and then she joked about not doing sh (self harm) after something that has happened between her and kaia (once again, check rain’s post for all the context and better understanding), and i personally do NOT take these kind of jokes in a funny manner - no matter how close i am with that person, i just don’t find that shit funny or something to be joking about, i have never done it or went through it but still. now i understand maybe joking is a coping mechanism, it is for me in manny cases, but im not the right person to be joking about stuff like this with.

as you can see by my message i was really weirded out by her statement.

and regarding whatever this is… is an insane thing to be saying.. rain has mentioned a similar statement from her about chinese and korean stans. me saying “what the fuck bruh” was kinda more targeted at her but i guess she took it as me agreeing with her. after she sent that i just kinda ignored her for a bit (you can look at the time stamps)

i really didn’t know what to do anymore because i felt bad but at the same time it’s like something in my brain quite literally switched in an instant right after she made that joke.

[buddiebeginz]

Heads up Buddie fandom some of the B*mmy stans are actively searching for our posts and tweets to leave harassing comments. When this happens the best thing you can do is block them. They’re looking for attention and they're trying to rile us up and mostly they're worried about their ship. If they weren’t they wouldn’t care this much that we don’t like their ship or what our opinions are. Think about how little we’re going to give a sh*t about them once Buddie is canon. They know their ship is on borrowed time, if Lou even comes back at all. The main reason they’re attacking us is because we represent the biggest threat to their ship and that’s Eddie and Buddie.

Don’t let whatever bs they try to throw at you upset you or make you doubt the fact that Buddie is happening. They can call us delusional as much as they want but they are seeing a version of a relationship that just doesn’t exist. They can try to say the same about us but we have 6 going on 7 years of development between Buck and Eddie. And while Buddie's relationship hasn't canonically moved into the realm of romantic yet they are definitely written has having a much deeper bond than just best friends. This is especially true when you compare them to Hen/Chim or Maddie/Josh or Athena/Hen, etc. None of those friendships behave the way Buddie ever has.

When I say B/T shippers are only seeing what they want to see it's because they have built that relationship up to be something way more serious than it is without any proof to back that up. Buck is literally only dating T*mmy they're not even in a committed relationship at this point and that was only reconfirmed more by that deleted scene. There is a part of them that has to look at everything that happened in s7, that deleted scene (which they originally thought was going to be Henren's seal of approval for the rs), Lou's radio silence and the SWAT rumours and they have to be worried. They might try to put on this front of certainty that their ship is endgame but it's clear from how defensive they get that they know it doesn't look good for their ship.

We honestly need to just ignore that part of fandom and keep spreading the love for Buddie. B*mmy fandom is simply a loud minority and there's no reason that fandom should be getting as much attention on social media as it sometimes does. We need to keep showing that there is still a huge active fan base for Buddie.

I know that since season 7 ended without any serious development for Buddie and Buck still with T*mmy a lot of you are worried Buddie might never happen and I get that. I was ready to give up on the show all together after season 6 but I'm telling you I've never been more certain than I am now that Buddie is happening. It's the most logical direction for these characters and it's where everything is telling us the story is going.

Remember that s7 was heavily focused on Bathena, Henren, and Buddie. For as much as B*mmy's act like their ship is so important (even constantly comparing it to the other main couples) that relationship has had very little development and screen time and even less pr. Which you'd think given how big Buck's coming out was they would have had tons but they didn't. They only even did one joint interview with Oliver and Lou and that was right at the end and they barely even talked about B/T. Meanwhile Ryan and Oliver did a bunch of interviews together and nearly every interview and article mentioned Buddie.

We need to stop looking at B/T as a threat to our ship because it's really not. I hate Buck in that relationship and I don't like T*mmy at all and the worst part has been the fans of that ship but T*mmy is only here to serve a purpose. He was there to be Buck's first male love interest and help Buck realize he could explore that part of himself. He's not here to be the great love of Buck's life. To be the person who gets Buck better than anyone else. That position has already been filled.

[v-anrouge]

This is a queued post and it includes talks about transphobia and mentions of self harm and eating disorders

Im here to talk and announce a break, first thing's first j relapsed, in literally like everything sh ed and didn't try to kill myself is because of a few people and the fact my pills ended. For a very long time in this blog u have not been feeling like human, it's like most of you don't even actually like and just come talk to me when im being funny and fun or when i post something rook related that you like, ive really been trying to get rid of that feeling but it keeps on coming back and it's unbearable to be in this blog at this point. this situation with Shiba only really confirmed it for me, I saw about like 4 mutuals referring to this as drama, and complaining about seeing it on dash and while obviously you have all the rights to be displeased with a constant show of negativity in your dash, i beg of you to try and think how i, a trans man, must feel seeing you refer to me and other mutuals calling out transphobia and have to read you refer to this as drama and not as a literal crime. I understand if you got annoyed by me talking about it constantly and to that i ask that you please block me, because i have been literally beaten, bullied, harassed and even doxxed by transphobes, I do not take anything that displays even a bit of prejudice against my trans siblings lightly, hence why i was so "histerical and obsessed" and was being so "stupid and acting like an idiot" as someone people would claim. I do not care what view you have of me i really don't, im used to this shit, ive been trans and alive in the most transphobic country for 20 years, it's no news, but it still hurts. And it hurts even more when I see someone say i was an idiot for blocking someone immediately and calling them out when they side with a transphobe, and it hurts even more when I see a person i thought liked me complain about "drama still going on" rest assured that i won't be "bitching" about it any longer

For soru, who cant possibly process why i have blocked you, your take on that situation and your friend have both brought me terrible flashbacks of my own past as a child dealing with transphobia, of being told people like me are sick and are the seeds of the devil and that we are animals or that there's something wrong with us, like your friend said, their apology is both not genuine and extremely poorly made as they still can't accept the fact that yes, they are transphobic, and you soru, can't imagine how it broke my soul to see your post saying you had given them a chance, but seeing the post you made after, in which you literally agree with your mother you should've stayed away from trans people, that's what broke me the most, and j couldn't even speak about it, because it's "too negative" or im "drama chasing" im sick of this, you can hate and insult me all you want soru rest assured you're not the only one you're not the first nor the last one, maybe this will come off as a surprise to the people that are sure im obsessed with drama and chasing people around but i genuinely did have a lot of respect for you, if the hours ive spent crying over this say anything at all, it's sad that this had to end this way, but not for me, I don't care, this isn't the first or the last time this happens to me, but to my mutuals who i am very sure many are angry that i have made this situation happen, perhaps i should've stayed quiet and keep being funny as people like me best, well it is too late, but i hope that you'll forgive me mutuals, for once again ruining something good.

I don't know how long this break will last or if ill ever even return to this account at all, but i sincerely thank the ones that did treat me like a human, as an equal, that actually saw the person behind v-anrouge. you can't possibly believe how much you mean to me

That's about it, do have a great day

[trash-kitty36]

YALL I AM SO FUCKING SORRY. I remembered that I needed to post that one Killer x Y/N fanfic. So here it is

Also thanks to my pookie @youracebuddy for helping

Coffee Love.

a fanfic by: KaramelluCafe on Tumblr (and with help from Youracebuddy!)

You had been kidnapped by Nightmare and roped into being a part of the Bad Sanses for at least a few months at this point, and over time, you had become quite fond of the less than stellar group.

To celebrate your (unrequested) stay, Nightmare was taking you all to Ccino’s cafe for some coffee. Killer- who thought it would be boring- stayed behind as they were walking.

You couldn't help but notice it, as he seemed to be a bit down in the dumps. You decided to fall behind the group to walk next to him, concerned for your partner in crime. “Something wrong?” You asked, causing him to glance up to you from his feet.

“Oh! Uh, nope, everything’s good!” You, not believing him in the slightest, said: “You're a terrible liar, you know that?”. His expression lightened at your words,chuckling a bit alongside you.

“Yeah, okay, maybe I am.” You smiled at him, wondering if he was just nervous because this was his first time going to Ccino's. “You know what they have there?” Killer looks at you, clearly confused.

“What?” He mumbled, seemingly uninterested in what you had to say.

“Cats.” You say, your smile growing by the second.

His eyes light up when you mention cats. “Hell yeah!” Killer whooped, filled with excitement at the idea. He dashed forward, which surprised you and the others.

You giggled to yourself quietly at his antics, happy to cheer him up.

~

As you arrived, Killer pushed his way through the door excitedly, disappearing without a trace. With a quick glance over to the others, they seemed to be just as confused as you were.

After a quick wave to Ccino out of respect, you headed off into the cafe to see where he possibly could have gone.After treading around the cafe and occasionally stopping to give a quick pat to a passing cat, you found him seated in the corner, already holding on to one of the cats.

Specifically one that looked just like him, tears and all.

Your heart fluttered at the sight, finding the scene to be positively adorable.

Nightmare was getting his usual coffee while Murder was talking with Horror, a cat peacefully sleeping on his lap. Meanwhile, Cross was sitting on the floor, surrounded by a group of cats starving for affection. He looked overwhelmed, clearly not expecting this outcome. Killer walked over to you once more, holding up a different cat. “This one looks like Boss!” He exclaimed, proud of his discovery.

He seemed to be enjoying this already.

“Yeah, it kinda does!” You said, laughing a bit. “Also, why did you look upset earlier?”

Killer glanced up to you, ignoring the purring cat in his arms.

“Oh! Uhh, I just thought it wasn't gonna be that interesting. I didn't really have much of a choice even if it was boring anyway.” Killer mumbled, looking back down at the cat and giving it a small treat.

“You sure love cats, don't you?” You asked.

“Yeah, so? You gotta problem with that?” He narrowed his eyes on you. You raised your hands a bit in defense of his glare.

“No! I just think it's adorable….” You sheepishly mumbled, trying your best to not set off his temper.

“Mhmm....” Killer barely heard you, too busy playing with the cat.

You ultimately decide to leave it be and get some coffee, walking away from him and up to Ccino.

“Heya, Ccino! How's it going?” You say with a polite grin, trying to make small talk.

“Oh! Everything's fine, Y/N. Thanks for checking. Anyway, do you want me to get you the coffee you usually get?” Ccino says, preparing a coffee mug for you.

“Yes please!” You chirp, nodding your head in anticipation for the sweet treat.

You wait patiently as Ccino prepares your coffee, taking a moment to appreciate the decor of the cafe. It was simple, but pleasant and comforting to see. Once it was done, he handed it to you.

“Thanks!” You say,shortly returning to the group. Killer was helping Cross with the cats surrounding him, grinning all the while.

“Looks like Cross is famous among cats.” You teased, not able to resist the opportunity.

“Man, why can't I cuddle with a group of cats like this?” Killer whines, pouting a little in jealousy.

“Bad luck?” Cross says, chuckling a bit.

“Yeah, whatever.” Killer muttered, still somewhat pouting. You laugh to yourself, finding Killer’s reaction amusing as always.

~

After a rather eventful morning, you and the others had finally returned to the castle after a few hours. With nothing else to do, you decided to check up on how Killer was doing. You were never going to admit it, but there was a certain way your heart fluttered when you were around him, after all….

You found him in the living room, sitting on the couch and watching a movie. You walked over to him and sat down next to him, tilting your head in curiosity.

“What are you watching?” You asked him.

“Dunno, random movie I guess.” Killer responded with a nonchalant shrug.

“What's it called?” You asked.

“Uhh… I forgot.” Killer said, turning his head to look at you with a sheepish tint to his smile. “What's with that look?” Killer said as he noticed you giving him an unamused look.

“Anyway. Mind if I watch it with you?” You asked him.

“Sure I don't mind.” Killer said, turning his head to look back at the TV.

After a few minutes you inched closer to Killer.

He didn't seem to notice.

You glanced at him with a smirk before getting closer to him and laying your head on his shoulder.

His face slightly turned a red color.

You noticed, smiling more at his reaction, yet you didn't want to try your luck so you simply stayed like that for a few minutes before Killer pulled you closer.

You, yourself, didn't expect that.

Hiii so Ace taking the wheel here!!!! ^^

You tried to piece together words in your mind to say something. Anything. But, your mind completely blanked.

You weren’t going to let that happen again. Not after all of this time.

You had always gotten too flustered by Killer’s advances in the past, and never had the proper courage to return them. But, you were determined to make that change today.

Taking a deep breath, you turned your body to face killer, not needing to look at yourself in a mirror to know that your face was redder than his soul. His expression shifted to one of confusion, clearly wondering what on earth you could be doing.

“Y/N? What are you-”

You leaned forward to him, and pulled his body flush against your own in a tight embrace. You buried your face into his tear-stained black turtleneck, not daring to take a look at his expression.

You expected him to push you away.

But he pulled you closer.

A light, airy chuckle escaped from his teeth as he slowly nuzzled his skull into your hair, slowly running his hands over your back in a gentle, loving motion,

“Mon Amour…. Did you know how long I have waited for this moment?”

He whispered, his breath fluttering against your hair like a butterfly landing on a flower. His tone was dripping with affection, as smooth and slow as honey.

“Y/N…. I always knew that there was something special about you. From the moment that Boss dragged you back here, I just knew that you and I were going to be. Friends, lovers, soulmates… I couldn’t tell.”

He continued to run his hand reassuringly over your back and spine, arm snaked around your waist as if he was afraid to lose you. You couldn’t imagine trying to run away from him in the first place.

“But I may know what we are now, my little flower.”

He murmured, pausing his gentle touch so he could cup your burning face in his cold, skeletal hands. He slowly lifted your head up and out of his sweater, so he could get a good look at your face.

His expression was warm, eyes gazing at you with an almost lovesick glint. His smile only grew at the bright red blush spreading across your face, his voice taking on a smug edge.

“Why, aren’t you just the sweetest little thing?” He giggled, tenderly tilting your head around and observing your face with glee. You shot him a confused- albeit flustered- glance, wondering what in the world he was doing.

“What? I just want to remember every inch of your blushing face! Is that so much to ask? Speaking of which- you sure blush a LOT! And I haven’t even cuddled you yet to make you blush even more!”

“Killer, what-”

Before you could get another word in, he snuggled against you like an oversized cat, clearly enjoying your personal space. You let out a little yelp in surprise, your face turning almost as red as a tomato.

“K-Killer! You idiot!” You said, your voice slightly shaking, Killer looked at you with a mischievous smile.

“Whaat? Can't I snuggle with you? You obviously like it! Since you blush so much!” Killer said, chuckling a bit in a teasing manner.

“You could’a warned me!” You said slightly irritated.

“Didn't need to, doll face.” Killer said nuzzling your neck.

You pulled away to look at him, taking a deep breath to steady your nerves. Pulling him closer, you pressed your lips against his teeth in some sort of kiss, which was the best that you could manage because he didn't really have lips. You felt him flinch with surprise.

After you pulled away from him. He looked at you, amused.

“Well aren't you full of surprises lately~” He said, chuckling a bit.

After that, you pretty much snuggled on the couch and watched movies all day

(The others obviously joined too lol).

Hope you enjoyed :,)

[imtotallyokandnormal]

I am so sorry to the anon that requested this but as I was writing it I accidentally posted the unfinished thing and lost your request BUT IT IS NOW DONE SO I HOPE YOU ENJOY AND I APOLOGIZE!

Read the warnings on this one especially just in case

Reader: gn reader

Warnings: BIG TW FOR MENTIONS OF SH, this is meant to be after the reader hurts themselves so nothing graphic, but there are mentions of cuts and bruises

Image link: where did ya go

》☆John Doe Caring for You After Self-Harm☆《

- It doesn't matter how or why it happened. Whether you told him how or why didn't matter. All John knew was that you were vulnerable. Possibly scared, possibly angry, there could have been many emotions going on at once, maybe you couldn't even name them. But out of all of those things, he knew you were hurt.

- The moment they learned about it, they did everything in their power to keep calm. He knew you had to be in a vulnerable state, so it was imperative that he stayed calm. The first thing they asked was if you needed anything, and whatever it was they swiftly went to carry out the task.

- In all honesty, John was scared. More than scared. There wasn't a word to describe just how much fear and guilt and worry came rushing into him at once when he learned about what was happening. But that wasn't important to them right then, and their feelings were not your fault. Your safety was what mattered, more than anything else.

- If you were injured he'd take the time to properly patch you up, reciting instructions to himself under his breath. He learned some basic first aid in order to help you in case you ever got hurt. It was partially for self-assurance, hoping that he could fix things if he ever hurt you by accident again.

- They would be trying to think of what to say afterwards. In an attempt to engage your mind in something else he'd talk about anything and everything he could. The weather, things they saw that reminded them of you, the things they picked up (stole) from the store. Anything to keep your mind on something. Honestly, it also was a way to keep himself regulated too.

- If you didn't want them to talk they'll keep quiet, but they would still ask you if you need anything in order to help you feel comfortable. All they want is for you to feel safe.

- Any thoughts, feelings and questions they'd have in those moments would be kept to themselves. They wouldn't want you to see their worry, especially not since you were already going through so much. Their focus would be entirely on you, and they would prefer it that way anyway.

- They would offer to give you a bath or shower, knowing that humans do that as a form of self care (John doesn't get it because he literally turns to mush if he has to be in water and it's a sensory hell of an experience). If you took him up on it he'd gladly stay and wash you, just not in the water with you. His hands would be gentle, studying your body for any other cuts or bruises that he might have missed while patching you up.

- If you ever mentioned feeling like a burden to them at all, John would look at you with such a tender expression you could almost feel their heart grow soft. They'd wrap you in their arms or take your hand, maybe both, and assure you that as long as he could help keep you safe it was more than worth it to him. Nothing you could ever do would burden him.

- That night you and John would watch any movie you wanted, curled up on the bed. They may even turn into their Doe ball form for you to pet if you requested it. Anything at all, and they'd do it for you. Anything and everything, just for you.

- After you fall asleep, John will gaze at your sleeping form so lovingly, stroking your face. He's just happy that you're now safe. He'll do anything in his power to keep you safe, no matter what.

[herejusttosufferalong]

Listen, new theory #1250 😄 Its almost like a fan fiction now 🤣🤣🤣

I think L is pressured from two sides. He is a people pleaser golden retriever, who would like to be cool guy for once.

-his friends want him to be the cool guy. Living it up. Serial dating is dangerous, they can be busted if a girl goes public and badmouthes them (happens a lot with celebrities, think B. Aff before Jlo, he had an almost scandal w a 28 yo). He almost got in trouble bc he flirted w a young girl on IG. But they do not want really serious thing either, hence young girls are picked up. First S, then A. They are more reliable than random girls on apps. The girls got exposure as return. I am not sure this communicated to them though. They are young, no family plans to worry about. Just Soho h and fun. Convenient, casual.

R is feeding him with the narrative the being N sidekick is not cool, it would be cooler to roll out the young hot gf.

- He has N and Bton. He is nice guy there, as Colin, as everybody expects him to be. He can comply with that, bc at home he is mama's good boy. He really likes Nick from the get go, during shooting has a crush on her. Its mutual. The whole cast and crew, including Shondaland and Netflix wants them together. When he is in this bubble, he has feelings.

He moves back and forth within these two words and two personalities. She sees it, let him go to figure out what he wants.

Sometimes his two personas it gets mixed up. I am pretty sure he can be a nice bf to A, and he stares at N like a f*ckboy sometimes.

A is getting nervous, wants her exposure, pressures him, wants compensation sg for being around.

He agrees bc he is remorseful for not being a good bf and unhingedly flirting w N (not for PR, he looks really horny w her many times)

He agrees to make the pap walk. His Pr team tells him not too, but he is pressured by A and influenced by R. He is nervous, tells Nick, they have a bit of a fall out in Ireland.

In London N is bit colder to him, although friendly, but more distant. He is trying to make up with her, he is touching her all the time. She of course does not like the idea, but what can she do.

She leaves afterparty early.

Pap walk happens, hell broke loose.

He is really troubled Milan) . But he is not working now, back with his toxic friends, who are telling him that its ok.

Nic is trying to help him, but she is also hurt..

When today she posts the appreciation post, she does not mention him. She is fed up.

I think she had feelings along the way, surfaced at shooting, then in the press tour.

But seeing him undecisive turns her down

Boy needs to get his sh*t together.

Tbc......

.

[hottubmagazine]

Falling for You

Lloyd Garmadon x Reader

NOTE: Here's part 3. It's only been a day since my last post, but I'm testing my creative liberty here and also this has been in my drafts for a short while so I'm just deciding to post it. Enjoy <33

Warning(s): slight cursing, slight cringe (I'm just proof-reading this right now and I'm internally screaming at myself)

Previously: Part 2

Next: Part 4

Part 3 Of Part???

It had been a long day, various assignments needed to be done, 3 essays all due within a week, and 2 presentations needed to be sent out by the end of Friday. Dispite the need to relax, somehow guilt always won over.

"Ugh! This sucks!" (Y/N) exclaims dropping her bag down on the ground and throwing herself on the couch cushions. A few moment of silence gives her the right amount of thought process to gather herself back up and change out of her outdoor clothes.

Once done, she exits the bathroom and is surprised by the sight of the well-known green ninja up on the balcony holding a few bags of takeout, and another one presumably filled with dessert.

"Lloyd, what are you doing here? I thought your patrol ended hours ago." (Y/N) comments triedly making her way to the blonde-headed male slipping her arms around his torso in a much-needed hug.

"I did, but a little birdie told me you were stressed out from school so I came to hopefully make everything a little less sh*tty." Lloyd adds kissing her forehead. He enters the kitchen and takes out the food from the bag.

"You really didn't have to, you know?" The girl smiles widely as she sat herself down on the kitchen counter. Lloyd continues to re-heat the food and place them on seprate containers along side with utensils.

"I wanted too. Besides, it's my job as your BOYFRIEND to make sure your mental, emotional, and physical health is at 100% capacity. Otherwise we're gonna have a problem—" Lloyd says in a serious-joking tone earning a wide smile from his girlfriend.

"Since when did you become so knowledgeable about these sorts of stuff, last time I checked you weren't in any relationships before me." She points out, jokingly pointing a finger at him. He gasps in return as he grabs a glass of water fro both of them.

"Are you accusing me of something?" His eyebrows raise placing a hand over his chest. (Y/N) gigles in return, playing along wtih her boyfriends little play.

"And what if I am? Now that you mention it, you were pretty friendly with that sweet old lady back at the flower shop. Now why was that?" She comments, her smile failing to be kept hidden as her cheeks redden.

Lloyd grins and circles the kitchen counter to stand infront of her, trapping her between his arms.

"Now now, let's not be hasty. Who's to say that the lovely lady hadn't lured me in with her abundance set of well maintained flowers." Lloyd replies placing a strand of hair behind her ears. He rests his palm against her nape and pulls her head to rest on his shoulder.

"But— in anycase I was given all the worlds riches, or power, all to not have you by my side. I'd be considered the worlds saddest man." Lloyd says, (Y/N) furrows her brows in confusion not getting what he meant.

"What do you mean by that?" She asks further wanting an explination.

"Meaning, no matter how rich or powerful I become. Nothing would cost just as much as having you by my side." Lloyd better emphasises.

(Y/N) flicks his forehead gently "Your so sappy, you know that right?" She exclaims and removing herself between the man and the counter to go and get her food.

"Hey! I poured my heart out to you, and this is the thanks I get?" Lloyd pouts defeatedly as he follows her retreating figure in the living room like a kicked puppy.

"Alright, you big oaf." The girl opens up her arms and brings the male into a hug, earning a soft sigh in return causing her to brigthen up.

She may not know this, but if anything were to happen to her, Lloyd would bring hell upon anyone who caused her pain. Even to himself.

[oatmealdaydreams]

What I Want to See - Season Finale

Theory Time!

Just a few things I want to see explored further in the main canon plot.

Disclaimer: I am referring to character!Thomas in this post. Not the irl/real person. Just to clarify.

Trigger/Content Warning: discussion of manipulation & gaslighting, implied emotional abuse, discussion/mention of morals & morality

[Masterlist]

First off, we know from Thomas that the season finale will be multiple parts (as far as I've seen). Which means it could be a longer episode with longer parts to it. That being said, I see a lot of potential of what will/can be accomplished or explored.

-=-=-=-

Roman & Remus' Brother Relationship

We've seen some of the twins being brothers. The first Incorrect Quotes thing (part of a We Take Requests video), in the second Incorrect Quotes thing (Incorrect Quotes, Vol. 2), and lastly in Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts (DWIT). Other than that, there isn't much there.

I want to see it explored further and more in-depth. They're brothers, siblings, twins. I want to see some seriousness with those two, like them being protective of each other (even though they may not be on the greatest terms). Their sibling relationship is messy and complicated, as is the way with most siblings.

BUT: I feel like there's something there to explore. Why is Roman so afraid of being like Remus? And is Remus affected by it? If he is, how affected and in what way? What's with them being a little hostile-ish with each other? They spilt, yes, but how did that affect them as kids, as they grew up? Did they grow up together, or did they get separated even further from each other? What happened to them? Who wants what from each other?

I want to see them have some healing between each other. I want to see them get closer and hug sh*t out. I want them to be lil jerks to each other (cause siblings be like that), but be so damn protective of one another if someone else even thinks to hurt the other.

I want to see Remus get protective over Roman when he finds out what Janus said to his brother. I want to see him ready to snap Janus' neck because that's his brother and his twin. No one gets to hurt him. No one.

They're twins. They were once One, and I like to think there's some left-over interconnection from that.

I want to see Roman, so lost and confused, not know who to go to anymore. I want to see Roman to actually seek out Remus because it's his brother and he doesn't know who he can trust anymore, and he's his brother. I want to see Roman fall back to Remus because when everything is f*cked up and confusing and hurtful, your siblings are always the ones you can count on. I want to see Roman hesitate because maybe he feels a little guilty that being compared to Remus is an insult to him and he's just stupid and insecure- but he goes to him anyways.

I want to see some sibling banter between them. Some twin-related jokes. Fond eyerolling between siblings.

I want to see them being siblings and being there for each other, even though it's messy and they have things they need to work through.

I want to see Remus be vulnerable with Roman, and for Roman to do the same. I want them to talk out the sh*t they have with each other. I want to see Remus need Roman and Roman to need Remus because they used to be One. They were once One, then they split and things got messy from there.

I want to see them need each other.

Siblings are messy and complicated, but through all the beef they have, siblings are the one person/the few people you can count on in times of need.

And I think Roman needs his brother, especially with everything going on. Remus needs him because he loves him, and Roman needs some f*cking support.

They need each other.

-=-=-=-

2. Why Virgil Left the Dark Sides/the Others

There's a lot of tension between Janus and Virgil, that much is clear. We've seen it in every interaction they've had (at some level). Virgil has secrets, and Janus knows what they are. Maybe it's about time some of them get exposed.

As far as we've seen (evident in DWIT), whatever happened is between Virgil and Janus. Virgil isn't really that hostile towards Remus, not like he is with our resident serpent. I think they may miss each other, but that could just be me. Remus just loves chaos and Virgil knows that, to some extent, and so I doubt he's that hurt about Remus showing up. In DWIT, it's more Virgil trying to protect Thomas from "bad things" and such, not that he's entirely against Remus. I think, at some point in the past, Virgil might've been friends with the little kraken.

So yeah, it's most likely between him and Janus.

Which begs the question: what happened? Why are they so hostile with each other? Was it something to do with Orange? Has Virgil actually separated himself fully from the dark Sides (he still only refers to them as "the Others", not the "dark Sides")? Who's fault was it? Janus', Virgil's, someone else's? Is it both of their faults? Was there some horrible misunderstanding? Does Janus want him back? Does Virgil regret leaving? Did Janus push Virgil to become neutral as a part of a plan? Was Virgil always neutral, and Janus wanted him to see that? That he wasn't the bad guy, that none of them were? What happened?

I wonder if Orange had some part in it. Virgil seems uncomfortable when they mention "Wrath" (which could be one of Orange's functions). Maybe that's because he's another Side from his past, and his past is catching up with him. Maybe he just wants to stay separate from the Others, for whatever reason?

Either way, I want to see this explored much more. Show us the why, the how or the what. The blame that could be thrown around. The justifications they both have. The conflict, the contradictions. The very messy and very argumentative "ex-besties" thing they have going on.

I want to see a few of their problems get resolved, or at least worked through.

I want to see them realize that they're both Thomas' self-preserving protectors. Virgil is the more immediate, physical one. Janus is the more mental health, backup one.

I want to see them figure out how to tolerate each other and work together for nothing more than the benefit of Thomas.

Thomas' mental health is kinda shot, and he needs all the help he can get from his Sides.

I want to see them put aside their differences for a bigger, more important cause: Thomas. They care about Thomas, in their own ways.

And I think that's enough reason to figure their sh*t out.

For the benefit of Thomas.

-=-=-=-

3. Let Logan Lose His Sh*t

Let our resident space-loving nerd lose his sh*t. Let him snap. Let him yell and cry and get upset and angry.

And let Orange be the one to help him do just that.

Maybe Orange is the key for Logan to finally let lose his repressed hurt feelings? For Logan to express himself emotionally and finally be heard? For the other Sides to realize just how f*cked up they've treated him?

Then things could be addressed and worked on. Then Thomas can see the honest reality of how his Sides are doing. Then Thomas can realize how truly lost he is, and how he needs to figure sh*t out and heal and treat himself better.

The Sides are parts of him. If they're awful to each other, then perhaps Thomas isn't fairing so well.

Seen the way they shut down Logic and Reasoning? How they've treated Thomas' Ego? How his Morality and his Heart is all jumbled and confused? How his Creativities are kinda tense and a little lost themselves, feeling shackled and restricted? How his Self-Preservation only kicked in last minute because everyone else (most of them) tried to dismiss him as "bad"? How his Anxiety is going through the roof and is hiding secrets from him? How he doesn't even realize sh*t until a mental breakdown?

(Maybe Orange will be that final push Thomas needs to deal with his issues in an honest way? Just like he's been wanting?)

Back to Logan: he's getting more serious and seemingly colder as the series goes on. He seems like he's... "losing his drive", so to speak. He's tired and just wants to be listened by the other Sides more. He wants Thomas to listen to him more. He doesn't want to be so easily pushed aside in favour of something "more important" (*cough* WTIT *cough*).

Listen, they've all f*cked up each other.

And our cool little teacher deserves to f*cking snap.

-=-=-=-

4. Orange & Some Random Little Things

I want to see Orange be a little snarky sh*t. I want him to call the other Sides by their colours, rather than their names or functions. I want Orange to have an outfit similar to Logan's, in regard to necktie/bowtie or a nerdy/dorky look. Maybe without glasses?

BUT ALSO: Orange having a similar style to Remy (Sleep). Like, he's a dark Side and is supposed to be imitating, right? So: leather jacket, being a little jerk cause he can, being judgey, being a little flamed-headed (get it? like hot-headed but with fire? I'll see myself out-).

I want to see Orange in those flame glasses with a leather jacket and a mean look on his face. He deserves some style, so yus: flame. glasses.

I want to see Orange wreak havoc with Remus. I want to see how Janus and Orange are with each other. A hint as to what Virgil and him might've been like before he left, or if they interacted much at all. I want to see how Logan and him are different, but also how similar they are.

I want to see Orange be the key to having all that repressed hurt and upset between everyone come to light and get worked through. I want to see how messy he is with everyone else.

I want to see Orange make carrot jokes. Just all the jokes being made with carrots or oranges. Just for the fun of it. All the jokes.

Orange being disgusted by carrots because he's a part of Thomas. Or him being the only one who likes carrots. Just cause I think it's funny.

More on Orange calling everyone by their colours: that gives opportunity for specialized nicknames based on the Sides' colours. Logan would be Indigo, Indie for short. Patton would be Light Blue, maybe Blue or Sky/Skylight for short (like "Sky Blue" cause it's a light blue colour). Roman would be Red, Apple Pie or Rojo for short (cause apples are red, and idk, pie). Remus would be Green, Greenie for short. Janus would be Yellow, Lemonade or Yellie for short (cause lemonade is yellow and I think it's cute). Virgil would be Purple, Purp or Violet/Vi-Vi or Lavender/Lavie for short (cause those flowers are purple).

And he'd call Thomas by name, or maybe Rainie (like "Rainbow" because he's an array of colours cause all of them are a part of him, but also cause gay and we love us some gay jokes).

And of course, the other Sides would have some nicknames for Orange. Roman would probably call him Carrot Juice or Anger Management, among other things. Remus would call him whatever sexual innuendo he could make from his name. Virgil would just refer to him as his function, or something. Logan would most likely just call him by name/by function. Patton would call him Kiddo or Buddy, or by name /by some variation of nickname (like how he calls Janus "Jan"). Janus would probably call him by name/by function or call him Buddy.

Thomas would call him by function until he learns his name, and then call him by name.

Also: Orange deserves to be a sassy lil gay mf. We have sassy gay Remy, cause it's Remy, and we have that from Janus as well.

So yus: let Orange be the Sassy Gay. It'd be so funny.

Let Orange have orange eyes that glow when someone is under his influence. Let the other Sides have "orange moments" when they're angry/hurt and having orange eyes for a moment.

Let Orange be the thing Thomas needs to let out what he's repressed.

-=-=-=-

5. Roman & His Role as the Ego

I want to see this addressed. I want Thomas and the other Sides to realize what it fully means for Roman to be the Ego. I want Janus to realize that, as Self-Preservation, part of his job is preserving and protecting the Ego. And I want him to realize how much he's failed to do his job.

The Ego, put simply, is a person's sense of self-worth and self-esteem. It needs postive attention and reinforcement to stay healthy. It's shaped by all the things people do or say. It needs to know right and wrong. It needs structure, clear structure.

Roman is the Ego. With all the confusion and angst and negative input that's happened? Yeah, the Ego ain't doing so well.

If the Ego, Thomas' Ego, isn't doing well? Is confused and lost and hurt? Then so is Thomas. And that's a big part of the problem.

Janus has manipulated Roman. Virgil keeps throwing jabs at him, whether jokingly or not, and Roman's the only one made to apologize (especially when he starts to stand up for himself). Logan constantly calls/implies that Roman is dumb and stupid and unnecessarily childish/immature. Patton, whether intentional or not, has gaslit this poor little prince (so have some of the other Sides). Patton's own battle with morals and such has affected Roman quite heavily. Roman listens and looks up to Patton. He listens to what they say or don't say, pays attention to what they do or don't do.

Roman is suffering, and it's their fault.

Since Roman is the Ego, all this negativity also affects Thomas. It's a big reason why Thomas' mental health is so low.

And I want to see it addressed and worked through.

Roman deserves to have this worked through.

He deserves to be heard.

And Remus? Remus hasn't really done anything but be himself. I think that once he realizes how much his brother is suffering, if he hasn't already, that he's going to f*cking snap because that's his brother and he's hurting. Remus would do anything for his twin brother, and I want to see it happen.

Let Remus go feral! Let him be protective of Roman! Let him be angry and pissed off with the way they're all treating Roman!!

I want Thomas is see how his literal Ego is doing, and I want to see him say that this is enough. No more f*cking with the Ego like this. Roman is enough.

Roman needs to hear it that he's enough. From Thomas especially, but also from the other Sides as well. Maybe even from Remus.

He needs Janus is stop his manipulative sh*t and actually do his job (which is to protect the Ego, not hurt it). He needs to be closer to Remus again, for Virgil to let up on the insults, for Logan to stop calling him stupid and immature, for Patton to get his sh*t together and stop confusing him with all this weirdness about morals. He needs the other Sides to stop gaslighting him and stop all the negativity & the contradictions.

He's enough, but he's not okay.

Roman is enough, and he deserves to know it.

[ashleycodes]

COMMISSIONS - opening soon?

it has been a very, very long time since i've openly done commissions. i think i needed to take a little brain break. but lately i've been thinking about doing a commission here and there again, as i do miss it. would anyone be interested?

pricing and caveats/deal breakers would be as follows:

$250 - base price, which would include: - fully custom html templates for the skin itself - custom forum structure (up to 3 different styles per category. any more styles will be extra, price dependent on complexity and amount of boards) - member group color changes (for whole skin + member profiles) via variables for easy addition of groups in the future - separate member & staff (or ooc) main profile - light/dark button - webpage design (2 different styles) - footer webpage if desired (for affiliates, discord widget) - accessibility widget - set of general templates (general template, face claim template, member directory template, misc claims template, bbcode multi mod template, application or shipper template if needed, 1 simple bbcode, 2 post html templates, 1 communication template)

$60 - additional templates package, which would include: - 3 additional html posting templates - 1 additional bbcode posting template - a full set of development templates (image, moodboard, quote, playlist) - 2 additional communication templates - 2 social media templates + "reply" templates

any other templates would be discussed on an additional price basis ranging on $5-$10 per template not mentioned above. the reasoning behind this is that i just feel incredibly uninspired/not unique when i code templates so i try not to offer a bunch

$35 - graphics package, which would include: - a full header graphic that matches the skin - staff team graphics that match the skin - board graphics that match the skin - 1 advertisement for the site that matches the skin - placeholder graphics for "unsorted"/brand new accounts that match the skin

anything not mentioned above to be added can be discussed. there are some things i can/will do that i don't feel like take time to add in and therefore wouldn't cost money. so if you're unsure about a feature, i'd be open to discussing it before settling on a final price. i am mostly just trying to provide fixed prices so that you know exactly what you're getting.

the deal breaker in all of this might be that i will probably request a good portion of it up front or possibly the full price. this is touchy, i know, but having been ghosted on final payments after quick turn arounds i think is part of what finally broke me down and when i quit doing commissions. i am trying to offset this, however. i will code the skin directly into your site's board wrappers and css templates (so i will need ACP access). you will get to see the progress live and provide input as i go. i will provide you xml files once it's completed as well and will be available for 1 month post-completion for troubleshooting - though i have noticed by coding live into jcink, i find quite a few bugs on my own so hopefully the implementation process is smooth.

turn around time would be 1.5-2 months depending on the complexity of the skin, possibly longer but this will be discussed. if i give a turn around time, payments are made, and can't meet it, i will discuss a percentage of money back with you depending on the extra time needed.

anyway this is 100% NOT set in stone, i am just trying to gauge the interest based on my new terms/terms that would make me comfortable taking commissions again lmao. i'm not fully committing to this yet, and may very well not do this at all but it is on my mind so here we are.

in other news, i am still working on pushing out other old SH skins as multi-sale premades (none of which will ever be priced more than $30) and will likely create templates for my newest free skin, and maybe put out another more modern free skin but that just all depends on what the ADHD demands from me!!

[certifieddilfenjoyer]

In Plain Sight - an interactive Gus FringxGN!Reader

============================ How does it work? At the end of every chapter, you will be presented with a hyperlink, disguised as a dialogue or action option, which will then lead you to a chapter following your choice and so on and so forth :)) Please let me know what u think (please don't sh#! on me choosing the xGN! instead of xBoy, I wanna enjoy my story as well lol) ============================ INFO: ============================ Yes, there are going to be smut chapters involved at some point. You can expect tags like: (MDNI!!!)

Domination, degradation, submission, power imbalance, sexual tension, hate fuck, choking, bondage, recording the deed, manhandling, hair pulling, dragging across the floor, Gus being the only receiver, etc etc.

The course of chapters, so smutty stuff as well, depends on your choices. If you read through the fanfic once, you can always come back to this main page and try other options! :D

The action is happening during BCS, not necessarily Breaking Bad (but I so badly wanna do something with the boxcutter, well, we will see), so you can expect appearances or mentions of Lalo, Nacho, etc. (but I don't like them so it's Gus focused) and there's gonna be Mike! <3 Now, the fanfic is not fully finished, so if you don't see the hyperlink at the bottom, it simply means that I haven't added the chapters yet. Please be patient <3 <3 ============================= UNFORTUNATELY it turns out that Tumblr does not support my idea completely as every time I edit a post, the URL of the said post changes which is incredibly bad as the more I write the more chapters I'd need to edit each time. Because of that I have moved this project to my blog that I created specifically for this and future x Reader projects: https://xrdr.blogspot.com/

You adjust the headphones in your ear and feel your heart sink as you fight to recover balance on your bicycle. You take a deep breath of fresh, moist air with a heavy scent of rain and turn the handle bar to the left. You pass through a big rain puddle and speed up, allowing your bike to gain momentum as you continue down the road. In the distance, a big glowing logo casts a cone of yellow hue on the glossy street. You feel your heart speed up as you try to go through all the possible questions that employers usually ask during an interview.

As you turn your bike to the parking lot of the fast food restaurant - Los Pollos Hermanos - you anxiously check if your pant legs got dirty. You sigh with relief and drive your bike to the bicycle stand and secure it there with a key chain. You brush your hands across the fabric of your clean, light blue shirt and enter the building. It's most deserted, probably due to the bad weather and the late afternoon hour.

You nod at the employees, currently taking care of the kitchen and the dining area. They nod back and one of them appears in front of the counter, waiting to take your order. You take a quick glance at the person and suddenly you become hyper-aware of all of his facial features. You want to inspect his entire face, but you know damn well it would be weird and most likely make him uncomfortable.

'Hello, I am here for the job interview. I was told that I will be speaking to the manager named Monica.'

The man smiles at you in the most heart-warming way you've seen in your life.

'Monica is unable to attend due to personal reasons. I will be taking over your interview process.'

'I see,' you nod and offer him your hand. 'Y/N.'

'Gustavo Fring,' he introduces himself and takes your hand into his. You can feel the strength resonating off his body and the hard texture of his palms. 'Nice to meet you.'

The name rings a bell immediately. You remember that Monica introduced the Los Pollos Hermanos brand to you over the phone and his name was mentioned at least once.

'Nice to meet you too, sir. Are you the owner of the food chain?'

'Yes.'

'Oh, I'm sure you're busy then. If Monica called in to cancel, I can be rescheduled as well,' you suggest.

'That's not going to be necessary, but I do appreciate your consideration,' he gives you a smaller smile, still just as warm as the first one.

You respond with the same expression and look to the side a moment later, feeling butterflies in your stomach. You blame it on the thrill of the new job interview and look back at the man. His eyes seem like an endless void, which immediately sinks you in.

'Do you need any more time?' he asks.

'No, but I'd like to wash my hands first,' you inform him and look around the restaurant. He lowers his gaze onto your face, observing you for a moment with a lingering smirk.

'It's over there,' Gustavo says after a few seconds, extending his arm to his right side.

You nod and turn on your heel, then go to the bathroom. As you catch your reflection in the mirror, you notice a small blush on your face.

'Oh my God,' you roll your eyes and turn on the tap, then wash your hands with soap.

When you return to Gustavo, he leads you to his office at the back of the building. The room is fairly small, with a small window above his desk. There is almost no sunlight sinking inside the office and it has a weirdly hostile vibe to it, even though the owner looks like nothing else but a sweetheart.

'Please, take a seat.'

You sit down at the chair and adjust yourself in the seat, then straighten your back, while Gustavo sits on his chair in front of you, immediately taking on a perfect posture. You can feel your heartbeat speed up as he opens up the lid of his laptop and you can see a small reflection of your resume in his thin-framed glasses.

'Let's begin, Y/N.' You nod enthusiastically and he gives you an encouraging smile as his eyes come back to yours. 'I don't usually review resumes of candidates without any previous experience in gastronomy.'

A slight hint of worry flashes through your face, immediately noticed by Gustavo.

'Can you tell me why you decided to make an exception?'

He makes a pause and observes you for a while. The single ray of the sun, sinking through the window behind him, falls onto his neck, creating a shadow of his figure, which is reaching all the way across the wooden desk towards your clasped palms.

'We are in need of employees. We are planning to expand to another restaurant soon and some of my employees from the restaurant in which we are sitting are going to be transferred, as it is closer to their home address.'

'Congratulations on the expansion!' you throw in the comment.

'Thank you very much,' he responds. 'What made me accept your resume is the fact that you live near this area, but mostly it was the fact that I realized that you are a foreigner, correct?'

'Um, yes,' you are taken aback by his question and you mask your discomfort before it gets noticed. 'I came here from New Mexico.'

'I'm from Chile. I know how hard it is to get your first job here, that's why I decided to give you a shot,' he admits.

'That is so very kind of you,' you say openly.

Gustavo raises his hands and connects them in front of his chin.

'But hard or not, I am going to treat everyone equally, without giving anyone a head start.'

'Understandable.'

'Because you do not have any prior experience with customers, can you tell me, if perhaps at school or in other areas in your life, have you encountered a difficult situation, a conflict that you managed to solve?'

Even though before coming to the interview, you had multiple sessions of talking to yourself in front of a mirror, preparing possible answers for usual interview questions, you cannot help but feel a little sting of stress at the question. Your mind presents you with a flash of an image, a painful memory of a rainy night and the car lights aimed straight at your face. There is an older man standing in front of you and a much younger one to his side.

'Y-yea,' you answer and clear your throat. 'Sorry. I remember solving a conflict in my classroom, where three of the top students wanted to take the responsibilities of being the class president. I suggested a class vote to clear the confusion. The other time I also stopped a fight between two classmates.'

'How exactly did you achieve that?'

'They were arguing about some girl. I went in between them,' you respond and see his eyebrows rise slightly. 'I know, a risky move, but it was worth it. They cooled down a bit, didn't hit each other and I just listened to both of their stories. It turned out - I don't remember the context now - but it turned out that they misunderstood each other.'

Both of the stories are made up, but Gustavo Fring doesn't have to know that. He doesn't need to be made aware of the fact that your cartel family never allowed you in a public school and that you are home-schooled. He also shouldn't be made aware of your fake ID that you used for your resume.

'How would you deal with a customer who reports incorrectly prepared food? For example undercooked chicken wings?'

You look to the side, then let your eyes wander across the wall and up to the ceiling, as you make a slow, quiet humming noise, thinking about the answer.

'Do I see the food that this imaginary customer reports?'

'Let's assume that in this particular scenario, you do.'

'Ok, so I wouldn't check the recipe, because I can see the plate, so I ask them nicely what is wrong with the food.'

''It's disgusting' - that's what the customer is saying,' Gustavo responds with a shadow of a smile on his face.

''I really want to help you in this situation, but I need some more information, please. Is it not to your liking in taste or is the quality disappointing and how?' that's what I would ask, or something similar,' you clarify.

'The quality is disappointing, because the meat is partially raw.'

'I am very sorry to hear that, would you like to receive a refund of your chicken wings order or a special offer for our menu?' you respond, choosing your words carefully. You look for validation on his face, but it is unreadable.

'Would you not try the chicken wings yourself to verify their honesty, Y/N?' he asks after a moment. I would or I wouldn't

[honestlyobsessed]

(Tw: for mentions of Su!cidal ideation and self-h@rm)

Vent post, read it if you want, or don't.

Who here copes by having something to live for? I know I do... or did.

Whenever I had a friend who was struggling with life and clearly needed help, be it them doing SH or thinking about/trying to k!ll themselves, I always helped them by giving them something to live for. ... Usually in the form of a TV show I wanted them to watch.

And I realize that I did that too, I've occupied myself with some sort of media to look forward too. And as a person who is very conscious of myself, I find it hard to get help from a therapist bc I either: a) Already have a counterpoint to why their solution won't work. b) start talking about I show I like to keep the topic light-hearted.

I rely so heavily on having a piece of media to indulge in, and forget everything else about my life, that now I'm getting whiplash.

because it's not working anymore.

And not because I'm being faced with all the shit going down in my life... it's because I have a new problem.

I... in a world that is numb to death, that hears about people and things dying every day and have learned to accept it, now truly fear death.

And not just for myself, but even for the smallest pest in a garden.

I fear the day at the end of my road where I cease to existt, where I will no longer feel/smell/taste/see/hear/sense or even be able to rest.

Even if I live long, it will still happen.

Now every time I try and watch a show, I think about how I will have no memory of it once I am dead.

Every time I see someone squash a bug, I think about the terror of painfully slipping into an unresting nothingness.

I grew more companionate, but I can no longer avoid my mortality by not fearing/or even craving death.

I want to want to die, but I simply can't.

Oh? you read it all? thank you.

[roadkillthefox]

INTRODUCTION

Hello, internet. You can call me Carrion or Roadkill. If calling me either of those makes you uncomfortable, Oath is fine. I use he/they/it pronouns. I am 20 years old. I am a perisex trans man who was AFAB. I am pansexual and demiromantic. I am alterhuman. My identities are as follows:

Melanistic “silver” red fox (past life, unsure on gender, but probably male)

Spotted hyena (past life, probably female)

Drake/wingless dragon (psychological)

Bearded vulture (copinglink)

Gray wolf (hearttype, along with canines in general)

Hellhound (psychological)

If you have questions about my nonhumanity, feel free to ask.

I first made this blog for venting purposes, mostly, so I’m still going to talk about a lot of things that impact my life. Depression, anxiety, imposter syndrome, chronic pain, PTSD, SA, SH, abusive parents, gender dysphoria, species dysphoria, etc. And I’m going to swear. A lot. This blog is for talking without a filter. I might even mention my problems with being hypersexual. This isn’t an 18+ blog, but it isn’t not one, either.

I have been diagnosed with autism, social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, ADHD, CPTSD, and fibromyalgia. I am part of a median system (each part/alter will have their own intro below).

If you have a problem with any of this, please don’t harass me. Just block me and move on with your day.

I’m also going to post song lyrics that I like, reblog stuff I’m interested in, and maybe share some art that I make, now that I’ve decided to use this as my main blog.

This is a safe space for everyone. Systems of all origins, those with personality disorders, those who use pet or age regression (just be aware that I do swear quite a bit). This is also a safe place for paraphilias that are not harmful (so all except those that involve children, animals, and the dead). Any hate or harassment towards myself or anyone in my comment sections will not be tolerated and will result in you being blocked immediately.

One of my interests is vulture culture, or the collection of parts of animals (bones, antlers, feathers, etc), and I made a side blog for that specifically. You can find it at @scavengerlyfe

DNI (fuck off, get help, etc.): racists, sexists, homophobes, transphobes, acephobes, anyone who hates intersex people for any reason, ableists, zionists and supporters, pedophiles and supporters, zoophiles and supporters, necrophiles and supporters, anti endo, TERFs, people (dumbasses) who think that those with NPD and/or ASPD and/or any other personality disorder are inherently abusive (this falls under ableism, but I had to say it again), etc.

Note: I don’t care if you’re a religious person. Just don’t try to convince me that being myself is inherently wrong. I worship nature itself; don’t try to tell me I should believe what you believe. Same goes for political beliefs. I don’t care, just don’t harass me about it

PART/ALTER INTRODUCTIONS (We call ourselves the Fractured Mirror Collective, by the way. Unanimously agreed on it). Everyone in this system is an adult, but please don’t flirt with any of us, even jokingly (unless you know us irl)

Ilerei

Gender: female, uses she/her, but doesn’t mind being called they/them once in a while

Species: unsure, some kind of unique creature

Origin: host made an imaginary friend as a kid. That imaginary friend became real and basically the host’s sibling and voice of reason

General traits: caring, protective of the host, tries to keep everyone else in check

Moth

Gender: genderless, uses it/its

Species: winged demon-like being, possibly undead

Origin: unclear, literally just showed up out of nowhere, took control of the body and freaked out about the lack of wings and claws. That was 8/12/24, so Moth is very new here

General traits: angry most of the time, obsessed with wings and flying. Enjoys collecting feathers. Tends to say violent things

Haunt

Gender: unclear, but uses any pronouns

Species: Wenditcher (Hollywood’s bastardized version of the w*endigo)

Origin: not sure, possibly trauma-based

General traits: Quiet, mostly apathetic, hungry all the time. Enjoys collecting bones. Less angry than Moth, but talks a lot about how edible most living things are

[4ga1n5t-4ll-4uth0r1ty]

ive rummaged through my brain thoroughly and I believe i am pretty confident for what is going on /gen (this post is mostly for me, but can be helpful to others :] )

trigger warnings for below - suicide mention, sh, (y'all i need help with trigger warnings idk what to put and i don't want anyone to be hurt TT)

what i definitely might have

trauma that poses as factitious disorder

OCD - 100% - diagnosed, experienced since age 6

anxiety - 100% - diagnosed, experienced since toddler hood

depression - 100% - undiagnosed, experienced since this year (comes with suicidal thoughts !1! :D)

dyscalculia - 55% (im not sure. im told i have it by my psychiatrist and mother quite frequently, but i think im just bad at math. I've only exaggerated on it once, with me "switching around the numbers 6 and 7") - diagnosed, experienced since birth

PTSD - 100% - assessing, experienced since age 2, only found out this year

autism - 100% - verbally diagnosed, experienced since birth

ADHD - 100% - verbally diagnosed, experienced since birth

things i have faked

hallucinations - i do have them, just not to the extent i say. the fears that have emerged from them are real

ASPD - don't know why, the stigma surrounding ASPD is already horrible (which no one should go through simply because of their disorder, it's not right)

chronic fatigue - i do experience quite a large amount of fatigue on a constant basis, but not to the point of it being chronic and as serious as the condition. fatigue, chronic or not, is not 'laziness' and should not be labelled as such.

schizophrenia - i don't know when exactly it started, the hallucinations i would force myself to have started to actually happen though

^^ THERE ARE MORE, ITS JUST VERY EARLY IN THE MORNING RIGHT NOW AND I CANT THINK TT

one thing that makes me doubt things is the amount of disorders/disabilities that are labelled as 'what i definitely might have', so they may change. let me know if any of them don't work together and i will continue to look into my head. I want to stop lying

one thing i know for sure is that none of my experiences/stories are fake, so please don't take them as such

most of my vents are real and genuine, if i delete them, they either weren't or i was just embarrassed about my feelings

all the sh, meltdowns, shutdowns, stimming, and hyperfixations (can i call them that ? im not sure TT) are genuine

i am so so so so sorry to everyone i have lied to and manipulated

[benoitblanc]

hey arwen, long time no see!! hope you're doing well! 💜

i know nothing about txf besides what i've gleaned from this hellsite which is a) mulder is a lovable idiot, b) scully both loves him (almost against her will??), and c) they literally invented shipping BUT tell me about your top 5 txf episodes!!!

hi mitali i have been EXTREMELY patchy on here lately haven't i lol. local woman appears on tumblr to write ten meta posts about the x files and then disappears again! i'm doing okay; my real life has been kind of chaotic (had to last-minute cancel a trip i have been desperate to go on for years so :/ but! on the bright side it means i get to see my flatmates sooner than i thought and i miss them even though i've been gone from my flat for like a week and a half lol). how have you been???

those are very accurate txf vibes but i will say that scully is a very active and willing participant in being in love with mulder even though he can be very very stupid at times lol. i hope you watch it someday- i think it would be right up your alley! kind of similar doctor who ecological niche of being weird, heartfelt, politically relevant sci-fi with no consistent quality or tone.

ANYWAY. top 5 txf episodes, bearing in mind that i've technically only watched up until the end of the fourth season so far; i'm just a ho for spoilers:

pusher (3.17)... what can i say about pusher that i haven't said already. a lot, probably, because every single day i log on here and i see someone's written new meta about pusher that makes the entire show make more sense. it's just... it's txf distilled to its barest elements. it's about trust and codependency and a supernatural force that is made all the more unsettling by the fact that at its core it is just some guy. it's funny and terrifying and heartfelt all at once. the russian roulette scene changed television

clyde bruckman's final repose (3.04) is also just so txf. darin morgan (the writer) tended to write episodes that were so absurdist they wrapped back around to satirical, but this is far and away my favorite of his because it's not too bonkers. i love coprophages and from outer space especially, but clyde bruckman is a little more grounded, and it manages to be sarcastic and sincere in equal measure. and i love when scully gets to solve the mystery

irresistible (2.13), which is famous for being pretty much the only txf episode where there isn't actually an x-file. and it's SO fucked up. it is hands-down the most fucked up episode of the entire sh- well. besides the episode that they banned from reruns for like a decade for being so fucked up, it's hands-down the most fucked up episode of the entire show

beyond the sea (1.13) and paper hearts (4.10) are thematic sisters so i'm keeping them together. they're both about choosing to move past grief instead of wallowing in it and choosing the future over the past. so what if a criminal says they can give you the answers you've spent your whole life chasing? what matters is that you're at your partner's hospital bedside when he wakes up from an injury, or that you save a little girl's life

right now? probably ice (1.08), because i just rewatched it with my flatmate (who is going through s1 for the first time and is almost as obsessed as i am). it's like if midnight doctor who and the thing had a baby. normally i think this slot would go to duane barry/ascension/one breath (2.05/2.06/2.08) or nisei/731 (3.09/3.10), which are the tightest, tensest episodes relating to the show's overarching mythology

honorable mention goes to elegy (4.22) because the a-plot is a very 90s depiction of neurodivergence and it's not the best-handled thing i've ever seen, but the character showcase of scully in the b-plot gave me fucking brain worms. i cannot stop thinking about it. it's haunting.

also, memento mori (4.14). vince gilligan and gillian anderson you're splitting my therapy bill

ask my top 5/10 anything!!!