#i mean. they're powerless still but in a completely different way than before

[i3utterflyeffect]

Loc!Tim constantly is tired but can't sleep as they are in constant pain and that their body moves on their own when they are unconscious

THAT'S SO FUCKED UP BUT FITTING CONSIDERING THE HEADCANONS ABOUT DARK SLEEPWALKING........

[pirateshelly]

One thing that really fascinates me about interview with the vampire (the show) is this sort of tension between power and powerlessness in all of the characters. Because it doesn't present becoming a vampire as something that just gives you power and magically makes you completely detached from all human concerns and struggles.

And that seems to be something Lestat does very much want to believe, and he's in enough of a position of privilege that he's able to convince himself it's true, and it's a fundamental area where he just cannot understand Louis because Louis CAN'T pretend even if he wants to. (And of course Lestat cannot ACTUALLY separate himself from "human troubles" the way he likes to think he can, he just has an easier time pretending than most). Because as much as becoming a vampire grants these characters supernatural power it doesn't just magically take away the very tangible human ways that they were previously vulnerable or powerless.

Becoming a vampire doesn't negate Louis' struggles with racism; in some ways it amplifies them with how he is alienated from his own family and community; his closest connection becomes Lestat. He loses his economic independence and becomes socially dependent on Lestat in a way he wasn't to anyone as a human because in some ways becoming a vampire made him MORE vulnerable, despite granting him physical strength/speed/etc. The promise of freedom in vampirism Lestat presents to Louis (that I do think he does genuinely mean, but "freedom" means very different things to Louis than it does to Lestat) is never fulfilled.

Likewise Claudia learns the hard way with Bruce and later with the coven that she may be a vampire but the world still looks at her and sees a vulnerable young black girl and that will always put her in danger.

Claudia rescues Madeleine then turns her into a vampire, but rather than protect her from future harm the "crime" of turning her becomes the very thing that gets her killed by yet another angry mob.

And 514 years as a vampire will never be enough for Armand to truly trust or believe in his own power. Because the first 200 or so years of his life he was literally never once allowed any agency at all over his own identity or his own body (child slave sold to a brothel, sold to an abusive master, captured and violently indoctrinated into a vampire cult for centuries). No amount of material strength and power is going to undo the psychological effects of that. (And I know some people like to read his frequently passive demeanor as simply manipulation and a way of catching people off guard (because how could someone so old and powerful possibly feel a genuine sense of fear/vulnerability/etc 🙄) but to me that's an incredibly disingenuous reading of him. But that's a different rant for another time!). Being a vampire does not save him from being horrifically abused, nor does it save him from the lasting emotional effects of that abuse.

And I think there's something interesting to be said about the way that, in order to survive safely, they have to feed on the most vulnerable members of society (people undesirable and therefore least likely to arouse suspicion) in order to go unnoticed. If they want to live they have to prey on those vulnerable in possibly the same ways they themselves once were (and in many ways still are).

There's a frequent argument I dislike that we shouldn't be viewing any of these characters through too human of a lense because they're literal monsters (to be honest it's an argument I see most often made when people simply don't want to talk about the show's complex depiction of racism/misogyny/abuse/etc and used to dismiss those as issues "too human" to be relevant to a story about a bunch of monsters with a supposedly alien sense of morality), but I think the show itself makes a huge argument that for these characters there is no escaping or separating themselves from the very human struggles and vulnerabilities that marked them before they ever became vampires. It's like a sort deconstructed power fantasy.

[jinxed-sinner]

Please tell me I'm not the only one who really fucking likes the idea of Alastor and Vox being exes. I have a whole idea for this too loosely based on my own experience being asexual and demiromantic.

Like I like to think their relationship was purely romantic when it happened, or at least Vox viewed it that way. Alastor accepted that, but he didn't really think it felt any different from a normal friendship like the one he has with Rosie (he probably eventually started viewing their relationship as "romantic" too, figuring romantic was just a label and didn't actually mean much). Alastor let Vox get touchy, and Vox at least pretended to be respectful of Alastor's boundaries.

Eventually Vox started wanting more from the relationship, which made Alastor uncomfortable, and he broke it off, leading to their falling out. Vox was obsessed with him before this, but it was something Alastor was willing to look past because he could hold his own in a fight with another Overlord if the need came. Then they fought, and they were nearly perfectly matched in a physical confrontation with Vox being just slightly stronger, and Alastor realized that Vox was more dangerous than he thought, because I genuinely think Vox manipulated Alastor at some point. They're both master manipulators but I think Alastor's manipulation is closer to lying by omission (basically, omitting things to hide the truth) while Vox's manipulation is more obvious; he uses hypnosis and mass mind control which probably means he can manipulate people more easily and more quickly. It wasn't until after Alastor broke off their relationship that he realized that.

Alastor's strength comes from his cunning and what amounts to ambushing people to attack them, if the retellings of his backstory in the pilot and Dad Beat Dad are anything to go off of; Vox's strength is in his charisma and what amounts to cult leader levels of manipulation and gaslighting. Alastor uses the tactics of a serial killer; Vox uses the tactics of a cult leader. Everyone knows Alastor is a serial killer, so everyone's weary of him. Not everyone realizes what Vox is doing; not everyone's weary of Vox, if anyone is weary of Vox (except maybe Angel. Everyone else seems to find him annoying at worst). People are more weary of serial killers than cult leaders.

Went off on a tangent there but I doubt Alastor realized how dangerous Vox actually is until their falling out. I genuinely think they were in a romantic relationship at some point that was incredibly toxic and Alastor didn't realize how bad it was until they broke up because he wasn't (and still isn't) used to romantic relationships, which Vox realized and used to his advantage. I think he discussed his relationship with Vox with Rosie before leaving for 7 years, and she's the one who brought it to his attention that the relationship was incredibly toxic (and yes Rosie was definitely horrified).

I actually think this would explain the kind of dirt Alastor has on Vox in Stayed Gone too, because Vox is trying to tear down Alastor by basically saying "he's old and he's a coward, why would you listen to him?" while Alastor is tearing down Vox by saying his power comes from manipulation and he'd be powerless if he didn't manipulate people into following him, or if he didn't have a team behind him (although let's be real, if he didn't have people following him but still had Val and Velvette he'd still be powerless because the only reason he's so powerful is because he has a massive audience that he only has because of mind control. Take away his ability to use mind control and he's almost completely powerless, at least socially).

[akuma-tenshi]

hello fellow idv'ers i made a twitter thread on ithaqua, nathaniel, the morningstar essence, and its parallels to the canon story and how it's basically itha's power fantasy

full transcript + the pictures i used under the cut if you don't want to / can't use twitter (completely understandable), just a warning it is LONG

the post i was quoting got deleted before i could finish this. so anyway here's a thread on my thoughts on the morningstar essence, its parallels to itha and nathaniel's dynamic in canon, and how i think it's the perfect example of canon themes in an essence

before i start: this may be heavy on speculation on itha's personality. itha is a character who feels like we're given both a lot of content on his personality and none at all, so if what i say comes off as a reach, take it with a grain of salt. i'm not the arbiter of itha.

also this thread is not very nice to nathaniel. he's grown on me as a character after looking more into him for a fic but itha isn't nice to him here so i won't be either. i also refer to ithaqua as itha for the sake of the character limit. i'm aware that isn't is full name.

so my best friend and i have talked about this at length, and it's been in my thoughts for a while. at the end of the day, morningstar is itha's power fantasy, the strength he wished he had over nathaniel. at the end of the day, he won, he killed nathaniel, but nathaniel perhaps got off easy in his eyes. a quick death was possibly a mercy, as he couldn't really afford to make him suffer; at the end of the day, itha likely cares a lot more about protecting his mother than hurting her tormentor, meaning he just needed nathaniel out of the way.

however, it's likely itha wishes nathaniel did suffer. it's very interesting how in morningstar's trailer (which will be referenced a lot here), he's portrayed in chains, very similarly to how itha's mother is seen in her captivity in itha's original trailer.

and while yes, "show the character chained up if they're imprisoned" is just imagery 101, it's still an interesting parallel, and i doubt it's a coincidence. the difference here is that nathaniel is the one in chains, not itha or his mother; nathaniel is the powerless one.

it all really screams "i'm going to make you suffer the way you made my mother suffer", and while that isn't the theme of the essence itself, it's absolutely something that carries through from itha's original story. the use of themes that only really hit right if you take in the context of the original character is honestly a genius way to get people invested not only in the essence storyline, but the character as well, and like mentioned above, they use it a lot. however i do think it's best applied when it comes to the morningstar essence.

another interesting detail is that nathaniel was a king in the morningstar essence, being literally referred to as a "walking sun". and it takes this a lot further than just "parallels with itha and his mother" — instead of being in a disadvantaged position and persecuted for simply being a scapegoat, nathaniel is in a position of power — one that was possibly unjust or cruel, given other skins in the essence; we'll get to that later — and fell, was overthrown by his brother who was cast out. again, mirroring their dynamic in canon.

again, i'll get to the "possibly unjust ruler" thing later, but the idea that itha is less interested in a direct reversal of their roles and more in making nathaniel "fall from grace", and that being, in his eyes, a more fitting punishment than what he got, is fascinating to me.

i also want to discuss the use of colours. in canon, itha and nathaniel are opposites — itha's association with cooler, darker colours (mostly black / grey with a bit of bluish-teal) against nathaniel's brighter, fiery red cloak.

morningstar initially took me aback because it's such a departure from the theme we'd seen with this hunter: a character heavily associated with ice and wind and snow being given an s-tier that is so heavily reliant on reds and fire and sun imagery. but it makes so much sense if you think about how he's now in nathaniel's place. the tormentor, the jailor, the king dressed in fiery red. notice how he still keeps the darker colours: black still dominates his design, with the red cloak (a clear imitation of nathaniel's) taking on a much darker shade than the reds commonly associated with nathaniel. every bright colour used is either toned down or contrasted against something darker. and not only does that fit with the eclipse theme — a bright sun covered by a dark mass — but also itha's reflection or imitation of nathaniel.

so about the "unjust king" idea. this doesn't really come through in the original trailer, but it's expanded upon in the descriptions of the skins themselves. and while i do think the idea is a little confused and not fully realised, it does add some context to the story.

first of all, uh.. slavery exists!! or existed. it's made clear in the descriptions of the encroached, the chosen, the suffered, and (possibly) the zealot's descriptions that there was a clear class divide, with a suffering under-class and privileged upper-class.

this is also mentioned in the design / story notes of the essence. that under nathaniel, there was a clear divide between the classes, and that with itha's help, the enslaved / outcasted were able to rise up, help overthrow his brother, and establish a new order in the chaos.

it's clear that nathaniel's "order" could only be maintained with this hierarchy, and when it's challenged and overthrown, he and the tower fall, replaced with itha's "chaos". again, it's not a fully realised story and has its holes, but it's fitting nonetheless.

it's also mentioned in the description for morningstar. "witness them break free from their shackles and bring down the sun" is not only a banger line imo, but also a VERY strong connection to itha's position and how, despite being in a "weaker" position than nathaniel, he was still able to overpower and kill him. the idea of an oppressed under-class rising up and overthrowing their oppressors is not only a common storyline, but also very much matches to itha, thrown away and forgotten, besting nathaniel, who was raised to be more powerful.

there are also luchino and "nathaniel"'s descriptions, which convey the idea of itha being born into this position but being cast out, only to return later, which is present in both storylines.

in canon, itha was believed to be stillborn. not wanting his birth to be a stain on the family, his parents abandoned him in the woods and claimed nathaniel as their only son. the "witch" took him in and raised him as her child before she was captured by nathaniel and his mob and itha had to kill nathaniel in order to rescue her. itha being cast out against his will in both storylines — being abandoned at birth due to his "stillbirth" in canon, and being sentenced to death / exiled in the morningstar essence — only to return and exact his revenge is an interesting addition that further ties the two stories together.

one more detail i'd like to include before finishing this thread is the inclusion of talk of gods (including false ones) and demons. morningstar is clearly inspired by lucifer, who is also referred to as both the morning star and helel (which is not just a fandom name; morningstar is referred to as helel in the official backstory to the essence). i won't get too into the religious stuff but lucifer is known to have been cast out of heaven for proclaiming himself to be above god — also a crime committed by itha in the essence.

i could do a whole other thread on the religious ties in this essence, but that's the long and short of it. there's a lot of discussion of the "word of god" and "beliefs", and even references to the tower of babel, another biblical tale.

so why am i talking about this? first of all, witch hunts, which nathaniel and itha's backstory heavily draws from, were not only infamously known for targeting almost exclusively women, but were also religiously motivated. those who led them believed they were doing the righteous thing by hunting down these "witches", and that they were only doing what was right in the eyes of god. nathaniel himself was most likely religious; i can't speak on itha, but i do think he at least knew of religion, with his talk of gods and demons in his trailer.

and that gets into my second point. in itha's trailer, he talks a good bit about gods and demons, particularly their atrocities committed against his mother. the use of and references to religion in this trailer are put front and center and expanded on in the morningstar essence, helping to give more light to the themes touched on in itha's trailer.

in conclusion, while i don't think the morningstar is the very best essence, i do think it's incredible and is the best example of the creators taking a theme that's present in the original story, expanding on it, and making something wholly new and incredible.

i hope this thread has been interesting and perhaps given a new appreciation for both itha and his essence. thank you so much for reading if you got this far. tune in next week where i analyse all of ganji's skins to make a point about how integral freedom is to his character /j

[all-pacas]

Do you think he ever regrets killing Dibala? He fully believes he did the right thing and that the world is a better place because of his actions. But it took so much from him—his wife, his happiness, his humanity. Is he self-sacrificial enough to think it was worth it for the world, or does he wish he didn't do it?

Chase seems pretty ambivalent about it tbh.

PATIENT : Haven't you ever done something in a relationship you wish you could take back? CHASE : Maybe. PATIENT : How'd you handle it? CHASE : I told the truth. Eventually. PATIENT : How'd that work out? CHASE : Not well. (Recession Proof)

He's also… not that self sacrificial. Chase is a pretty self centered person in all honesty. I don't mean selfish, exactly. He's plenty capable of empathy and care. But he pretty consistently puts himself first; he's a survivor. He rats to Vogler without regret, he doesn't like to put himself at risk, the times he chooses to ignore or defy House aren't over ethical matters (Chase does have ethical objections sometimes) but over legal ones: one of my favorite lines in the whole series is in Fools For Love, when House wants to do something wildly illegal:

CHASE: Give it up. Foreman and Cameron are too ethical, and I’m too scared of getting sued.

That's what I mean when I say he's self centered. It isn't that he doesn't care about anyone else, but he looks out for himself first. Dibala was a rare moment where his feelings (anger over Dibala lying to him, anger that Dibala assaulted Cameron, anger over an impending massacre) overtook Chase's feelings of apathetic self preservation. He thinks he did the right thing, objectively. He believes the world is a better place. But Chase doesn't often try to do the right thing. He put everything on the line for an abstract moral good, and he lost a lot. As you said, it wasn't just Cameron. Chase is a markedly different person after Dibala. He's emotionally closed off, he's unhappy, he spends his time sleeping around. He gets bored of sleeping around. He gets bored of surfing. He doesn't like who he is very much, but feels powerless to change.

I think he does regret it. But what can he do? If he regrets it and wishes he didn't do it, then what was the point? He did it. It changed him. It broke up his marriage. At least he can tell himself he did the right thing, he got something out of it. He didn't just ruin his own life for no reason.

One of the wonderful tragedies of Dibala is that it literally happens at the worst/best time. Arguably, at the start of S6 Chase is happier than he has ever been. He's incredibly good at his job and everyone knows it. He and House are buddies; he and Foreman are finally friends. He's recently married to arguably the great Love Of His Life (we have never heard of Chase having any serious relationships before or after Cameron). He's doing great! He has a ten year plan! They're planning on having kids! Chase has never had it so good. And it's gone in seconds. He threw it all away. And he knows it. And if it wasn't the right thing to do, then he threw it away for nothing.

(You could also speculate, in a very fun fanfiction-y way, that Chase wouldn't have killed Dibala at any other moment. If it was an earlier season, he wouldn't have grown enough to care enough to put morals first, to get that angry: he simply wouldn't have cared enough. And if it had been a few years later, if say he and Cameron were still together and had a kid, then again, would he be willing to risk himself? Instead, it was at a moment he was both completely sure of himself and capable of getting involved in that way: Dibala 2.0 comes in in S1 of Chase MD and Chase isn't doing a damn thing to stop him. It's a pretty small window of time.)

But admitting "I wish I hadn't done it, this is what happens when you stop looking out for yourself and make a moral stand" is… also a rough take. He stays fairly ambivalent about it all. But Chase also never makes another moral stand, either.

[triviareads]

ARC Review of Mafia Virgin by Mila Finelli

Rating: 4.5/5 Heat Level: 4/5 Publication Date: December 13th

Premise:

Aspiring doctor Emma Mancini is forced into an arranged marriage with Cosa Nostra Don Giacomo Buscetta allegedly to keep the peace between their families, and now they have just a few months to get pregnant.

My review:

This was the perfect end to the Kings of Italy series complete with all the greatest mafia hits: an intelligent but innocent heroine who's just begging to be corrupted, a brutal, gruff don who is VERY into that, an arranged marriage, and an order to get pregnant.... or else.

Emma's vibe is innocent, but also not. As she won't hesitate to remind you, she's an aspiring doctor who's not squeamish of bodily functions, and then she'll proceed to interrogate Giacomo about how his foreskin impacts his dick piercing, and whether he's into prostate play (the answer is yes, in case you were wondering). Not only does Giacomo find her brand of scientific exploration hot, but it also compliments his blunt personality.

Giacomo (under no circumstances will I be calling him Mo I'm sorry) is very different from the previous three Kings of Italy heroes; he doesn't bother with an elegant or legitimate facade of any sort and is more of a rough-and-ready type (a bit o'rough, perhaps?). Everyone thinks he's a "more brawn than brain" kinda guy (which he also internalized thanks to his dad), but that couldn't be further from the truth. For one, every time Emma tries to pull one over him, he catches on real fast. And he's good at math. I thought it was interesting that always being second best in his father's eyes is also the reason Giacomo is deeply into Emma being an *untouched virgin* because she's just for him and no one else.

Much like Fausto and Enzo, Giacomo is an older hero (there's a 12 year age gap) who feels guilty for exactly 10 seconds for being attracted to the younger, more innocent heroine (well tbh, I don't think Enzo ever felt guilty) before going into full-throttle seduction mode. Let me put it this way— the first "little girl" he utters might be derisive, but the rest of them are... very much not. And on Emma's part, she's super into the biiiiig, jacked, tatted thing Giacomo has going on (shoutout to that gym voyeurism scene), even if she's slightly upset that biology has triumphed logic.

And that's actually a pretty big part of Emma and Giacomo's romantic conflict; you won't get a lot of histrionics from these two, but everything Emma regards as logical and right— her dreams of becoming a doctor, her bodily autonomy, and even her being able to return to Toronto— has little to no meaning in the mafia world. And because of Giacomo's powerlessness in the past, he has no interest in relinquishing the power he has as a Don now, which is why the overarching plot centers around him trying to take back his power after being forced to marry Emma, and the retaliation that ensues. Ultimately, Emma and Giacomo have to reconcile these two distinct worldviews to be together.

Sidenote: in case you miss the rest of the Kings of Italy gang, don't worry; Frankie and Gia show up to support their sister and to remind us they're getting dicked down on the reg by wealthy, powerful (older) men, Enzo and Fausto are still trading insults like hissy kitties off-screen, and tweedle dumb and tweedle dumber (Vito and Massimo) make appearances as well.

The sex:

EXCELLENT. What I love about Mila Finelli sex scenes is that they will always deliver (complete with loads of Italian—and in this book Sicilian— dirty talk), and then toss in a few extra things you're thinking about long after you finish the book.

For one, Giacomo and Emma have a pretty hilarious start to their sexual relationship thanks to some questionable advice from Giacomo's cousin and his cook that amounts to "if you wanna make nice with her to get her preggo, you gotta make nice with her pussy first", which Giacomo takes quite literally. You have to appreciate a man who's trying, even if he responds to her "you're beautiful" with "I love your tits".

Also, if there's a breeding kink involved (and there is; if you couldn't tell by the summary, there absolutely is), cum-play/cum-eating feels like the natural progression of this kink, and Mila 100% delivers.

There is many a "moglie" and "marito" in this book which I personally love (and many a "sporcacciona" because they can't be all sweet).

There is a also good amount of ball play (and Giacomo pondering on the sad lack of love they get lolol), and I mention this because the specific moment from this book that lives rent-free in my head involves said act during a shower blowjob, AND it ties into their breeding kink. Brava.

Overall:

This is a sexy and satisfying (and just really fun) end to the Kings of Italy series. I don't think the book is very dark, but it definitely has all the hallmarks of a mafia romance and I'd absolutely recommend it to anyone who is even remotely interested in this subgenre.

Thank you to Mila Finelli and Valentine PR for an advanced copy of this book in exchange for my review.

[jkpfr]

OC-tober Day 27: Monster

Knowing that I wouldn't have time to draw something, I spent the day wondering what I could possibly write for this prompt. I knew I was interested by it - I had a few ideas, but they weren't necessarily realistic to execute right now. My most solid idea featured my dear Artémis, but I'm pretty sure I already wrote about it before - and if I write about it again, I'd rather put a lot of care into it.

And then I remembered I started off this challenge by talking about my OCs rather than systematically writing for them, so I'll take the simple and silly route.

Earlier this month, you may have noticed I drew Benjamin as a mermaid. (Go give it some love! I'm not usually good at palette challenges, and I think I did well this time. Also I wish I could grab him by the waist and throw him over the roof.)

This is from an AU I have had in mind for a while in which the Murder Fabrication cast gets turned into different fantasy creatures. As of the last time I conceptualised this AU, the options for different creatures were very few. I'm considering having a second AU with many similarities but still enough differences to tell a different story, and that would include only having one human character and at least one more creechur.

In this AU, there are three powerless humans who are trying to survive, in danger at the hands of everyone else. The ultimate goal is for everyone to survive until they can find a way to turn back into humans, but will they manage to?

Those are not necessarily monsters... we're going by a very loose definition of the term for the sake of this post. Here are everyone's roles:

Jan, Chloe and Ciel as Vampires. Those three struggle to accept that they now have to feed off the blood of the humans. Will they consent to donating? If they were to actually bite the humans, they would turn into vampires themselves, which would of course mean less humans. In the end, they might turn out to be the friendliest to the humans, whose blood they need to survive. The vampires can turn into bats, but they have poor vision and they struggle to get a hang of flying. They do not need to eat regular food.

Andi, Isabella and Mina as Witches. The witches are pretty comfortable, powerful and their survival mostly comes down to finding food and minding their own businesses. Though they could be useful allies, they're scattered around the map and hard to run into. They'll only help you if they want to.

Benjamin and Alice as Mermaids. Behind their pretty and innocent appearances, the mermaids have violent urges and should be avoided at all costs. To the most tortured mermaid, this comes against their will. They're unlikely to target other creatures, but they should be kept as far away from humans as possible. Thankfully, they can only live underwater. Still, their charms might lure you in...

Noah, Lois and Oscar as Werewolves. The werewolves are the most dangerous enemy. It would be a shame if this world could be manipulated to make every night a full moon [...] because they are aggressive, mindless creatures, and they are big. They are constantly purchasing the humans and are likely to cause collateral damage. During the day, they live in hiding, and God knows what goes through their minds.

Akiro, Chris and Keith as Humans. They are completely powerless and everyone is a threat to them. Good luck 👍 Word is out that there needs to be at least one surviving human for the game to end as it should.

...Is anyone missing? Did anyone see them yet? Well, we'll probably run into them at some point.

This AU starts off within a regular setting for Murder Fabrication Chapter 1. The friendships formed throughout the story may be very similar to those formed within the main story, and some may have already started - but the characters' differing forms will impose many different dynamics, and for some of them to be unable to be together.

I don't really know what else to say, though I would be happy to discuss what people think of the potential dynamics at play here, pushing me to Drop Hints, Tell Some Stories and Giggle To Myself.

By the way, completely unrelated, but some time ago I Tweeted this mysterious list.

What it means? Nothing to do with my Fantasy AU, but everything to do with Backstreet Boys - Everybody (Backstreet's Back), but make it Murder Fabrication.

Maybe I should have drawn that.

[bonesandthebees]

Did i forget to turn anon on in my last ask? i'm not sure if I did and it's making me a bit paranoid. If I did, just attach it to this one. Not going to be super coherent in this cause I'm tired

Okay! So Wilbur's temperament! God I fucking love it. I know that I probably shouldn't be rooting for him to be an asshole but it's lowkey like- really satisfying? Because it's his only feasible means of rebellion. And of course his kidnappers aren't bad people but they're still kidnappers so it's fun to see them face some pushback. The fact that Wilbur's defiance never makes him feel better really drives home that what he's doing is self destructive. Yet it's the only thing he can do

He's so observant. He notices all the details about the cybernetics - which are really cool by the way - and he just spends his time watching people. I was wondering why that was, but then came the scene with Sam. Where they act like Wilbur isn't even there, and he compares it to how he was treated in the castle. If I was less exhausted I would delve deeper into that but for now I'm just going to say that it's the fucken good shit

Connecting all of this to what I said about how being the pythia was the high point of Wilbur's life - now I'm picking up those details that paint a different picture. Becoming the pythia was a huge trade off. Luxury and divinity in exchange for his soul. Only now that he's out of there can he rediscover who he truly is

I cannot express it right now, but that who arc is making me scream/pos

-🔥

you did don't worry! (for those unaware, this ask was sent before I posted ch 5)

god I love writing wilbur being an asshole. it's so satisfying and fun to watch him just be a dick in the most petty way possible. it's his only means of rebellion with the deathlings at the moment! he's completely powerless, so he just does what he can to make their lives harder. but the most important part is what you pointed out—it never makes him feel better. it's entirely self-destructive but he keeps doing it anyway for lack of any other options.

when you spend years being treated more like a wall decoration than a person, you get pretty good at observing the people around you. that's why wilbur picks up on so many subtle details with the deathlings like their cybernetics.

yeahhhhh I would not say being chosen as the pythia was the high point in his life. not at all.

i'm so glad you're enjoying!!

[darkheartedraven]

I am a dreadful person

It occurs to me that I've been dreadful with tumblr. I mean I'm dreadful with most things these days, but I'm particularly bad with this.

So what have I been doing? Well mostly I've been getting annoyed at Dragon Age 2.

Yes, I know, I know. I've played it before, I should not be annoyed. But here's the thing, I'm now annoyed at different things to before.

I'm not so bothered about the repeated maps, or repeated storylines (if another person says "oh no, blood magic bad" I'm gonna scream). What I am annoyed at is the dialogue options and how what they say often has little correlation to the words that come out of your mouth.

I pick what looks like a gentle bit of positive reinforcement and instead my character calls the other person an idiot.

Likewise companions get annoyed at the dumbest things. Adamant anti-slaver Fenris gets upset when I don't bind people into servitude. Yes, they're mages, but I would think slavery trumps the fact that they could throw fireballs.

Also no one, not one person, seems to be able to grasp the situation around them. "Mages are evil".... no, power is evil when it is used to supress and control. Mages are one form of power, but if you look at the damned world that ISN'T Tevinter, mages are pretty damned powerless and mostly living terrified lives of misery before generally being executed because a templar is looking at them funny.

Also I'd forgotten how much of an arse Cullen is. I like him in Inquisition, but his behaviour in both DA:O and DA2 makes me want to throw him into the sea.

It's amusing that since the DLC is included in the version I have on XBox, that literally all in-game gear is useless other than the DLC. A core pillar of the game, the loot grind, is completely negated because (at least for a casual player like myself) there's just no need to pick things up except to sell it.

Still, much as I'm ranting, I'm still enjoying things. I've got further on this playthrough than I normally do with 2. It's not Bad as such, it's just that the repetitive nature of a lot of it means that most of the twists are easy to remember, so I'm not really finding replays as compelling as I do with the other games that I normally completely forget.

Oh well.

On another note, LOL at Wizards of the Coast and their snarky reply on DnD beyond. Way to show your contempt to your community with that last bit, holy cheese biscuits.

On a related note, Pathfinder 2e is look pretty tasty now I've been reading the rulebook in a bit more detail...

[unhonestlymirror]

Божа, як усё запушчана...

Op, which country are you from? I genuinely wonder why and how you developed such a vision of reality.

.

"For a time, she was noted to have forgotten her own language"

Op, are you scared to say "russification," "linguicide by russia," and "deportations by russia"? Are you scared of the word "genocide"?

"My headcanon is that she resents him since after the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth happened, Ruthernian, the language that was most in use in the Duchy and was the language of Polotsk, fell out of favor and was replaced by Polish and many of the Lithuanians and Ruthernian nobles underwent Pololnization. I think she felt hurt, left behind, and betrayed by this and that she herself felt pressured to take up Polish customs and ways."

First of all, it's Ruthenian language, not Ruthernian. Second of all, Belaruthians perceive themselves as a former Litva - a part of Grand Dutchy of Lithuania - so they don't hold a grudge against Lithuania. The only thing Belaruthians can be upset about is Lietuva erasing them from their common history (which is expected because no one likes neighbours with prorussian governments).

Belaruthians are generally well-known for their passiveness, and back in polonization times, they were more worried about Polish raids than in using new language. Something similar happened during Хмельниччина. Something common to both Lithuania and Belarus is that they both love languages.

Third of all, Belaruthians find Lithuania very strong, and they respect them pretty much. Lithuania lets Belaruthians have schools in the Belaruthian language, publish books on it, and have business. Same with Poland.

Since the territory of Belarus historically was thrown between Poland and russia like a volleyball, since Poland and russia have different churches, Belarus is a super agnostic country, they don't really care in which church to pray to God.

I already explained why the idea of Belarus holding a grudge against Lithuania is russian propaganda, a harmful lie which ruins real people's lives.

.

"In canon it's noted interestingly that she likes to prank call him and instead of being jealous of Russia's attention to him, actually wants him to be alligent to Russia and on his side since she tries to influence his dreams to have positive ones for Russia. This makes sense because anyone on Russia's side geopolitically will be on her side due to her political situation."

Op, are you serious? Please tell me you're joking. Why the hell Belaruthians who either lost their home completely because of russia and currently live in Lithuania, or Belaruthians who have to be silent like my mom because they're scared for their families/relatives/friends who still live in Belarus, why would they want Lithuania to befriend russia? Why would a country that had 2020 riots, russian military invading both Ukraine and Lithuania through Belarus, russian military raping Belaruthian girls, fucking Vagners, a country that has its own legal president living in Lithuania want Lithuania or Ukraine or Poland or Latvia to befriend russia??? Whom do you mean by saying "anyone on russia's side" - Eritrea? countries that have received permission from russia to supply illegal migrants on the territory of Belarus, so Belarus' neighbours want to close the borders completely? Why the hell does it make sense to you?

Op, it's funny how both you, Himaruya, and russian propaganda try to hyperbolise historical hostility to Poland, which is long ago gone. It's like if you said "oh nowadays Ukraine hates Poland because of Хмельниччина which happened in 1648-1657." We all know it's not true.

Belarus powerlessness is a product of their natural mentality + centuries of genocide by russia.

"However, after the fall of the Soviet Union, she noted, "Nothing good came from being with him," and tried to distance herself for a time before giving up on this. I think this is a reference to when Belarus declared independence. Right after, there was a period of time of more liberlization."

Op, did you know that soviet russia deported Belaruthians to Siberia the same way it did with Lithuanians, Latvians, Ukrainians, Poles, and Crimean Tatars? Did you know that both soviet and modern russia genocided all the intelligentsia, progressive people, especially those who spoke Belaruthian? Did you know that my mom is among them? Did you know that russia changed historical Mensk to Minsk? Did you know that Belarus is still being genocided by russia, fortunately, not with missiles yet? Did you know that there was Holodomor in Belarus too, because of which about 500 000 people died? It's, of course, not 7-10 million like in Ukraine, but it's still a lot. Did you know that almost all friends of my mom are in prisons being tortured by (pro)russians, and half of them is already dead?

Belarus always hated russia, and the fall of the Soviet Union was a national holiday. Those several years before Lukashenko was a Renaissance. It's true that nowadays, those Belaruthians who still have something in their home to lose have to be silent or manipulative, but I don't think you realise how horrible it is. Please read how Ukrainians have to live on occupied by russia territories, it will give you a broader understanding.

Just because Belarus tries to befriend everyone doesn't mean it doesn't hate russia. Belarus dreams about being free from russia.

Also, if you're so interested in Belarus, go read Nasha Niva, they must have a tiktok account too.

P.S. It's Polatsk, not Polotsk.

I see a lot of people say Belarus was done badly and that hima doesn't know what he's talking to in regards to her. Personally I disagree. While there is stuff that could be changed or subject to criticism and that I might myself think is odd, overall I think hima actually did a good job with Belarus. Here I am going to go into canon Belarus, but I will also give some personal headcanons I personally have about her based on history and culture. 

In hetalia Belarus is characterized as headstrong, sometimes aggressive, loyal, interested in the supernatural and random trivia, liking her culture, quiet, crude, intimidating, harsh, cynical, and athletic. She is good at acrobatics, can see ghosts, is into rock music, singing, and fortune telling. She thinks her traditional clothing is cute,  cooks a lot with potatoes, but also has a very scarcity attitude towards food, thinking it's fine as long as there is something to eat. She has a cynical view of humanity, thinking they repeat their mistakes over and over but also seems to value human life, being aware of how short it is and therefore treasuring any human life due to that. She herself has indicated she also feels trapped and thinks of her own death as well, wondering how long she will live. For a time she was noted to have forgotten her own language, has implied she might know Polish but has also denied it saying she spoke Belarusian during the time her nobles knew Polish, sometimes prank calls Lithuania and Poland, and works hard on her agriculture. She seems to be aware that her media is filled with propaganda but also seems to feel resigned about it since in of her desktop buddy dialogues her task she does is to watch TV to be, as she says, "poisoned by propaganda." 

In terms of her relationships in canon with Lithuania she was noted to be childhood friends with him which I think is a reference to the Duchy of Lithuania after it had incorporated the Principality of Polotsk. He has feelings for her, but on her end it seems things are more ambiguous. She seems like she hates him. I think it is more complicated, but I do think she has a heavy grudge against him. My headcanon is that she resents him since after the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth happened, Ruthernian, the language that was most in use in the Duchy and was the language of Polotsk, fell out of favor and was replaced by Polish and many of the Lithuanians and Ruthernian nobles underwent Pololnization. I think she felt hurt, left behind, and betrayed by this and that she herself felt pressured to take up Polish customs and ways. She resisted this for a while, but saw Lithuania as more weak and pliant and was upset by this. In canon it's noted interestingly that she likes to prank call him and instead of being jealous of Russia's attention to him, actually wants him to be alligent to Russia and on his side since she tries to influence his dreams to have positive ones for Russia. This makes sense because anyone on Russia's side geopolitically will be on her side due to her political situation. She was also noted to spend time playing with his hair for some reason. 

While she spends less time with Poland she also expressed some negative feelings towards him and denied she spoke Polish. However she at least also enjoys prank calling him. I think she sees him as annoying and a troublemaker, a hypocrite, and as someone who hurt her relationship with Lithuania. She resents him and how he took over some of her land and people for a time and how some were made or motivated to abandon Ruthernian customs and language and take up Polish. She herself I headcanon knows Polish but denied it and was Catholic for a time before returning to Orthodoxy later. She thinks he is a self righteous person but at least does not see him as weak and does have some fond memories of him in the past. Her life was spent being fought over by Poland and Russia, and her powerlessness in the matter is something she has always felt and something she thinks he is responsible for. 

Her relationship with Russia is an interesting one. A lot of people focus on her stalking but I think that is a mistake since it's just done for absurd humor in earlier strips and there really is more to her relationship with him. It's noted she enjoys taking walks with him, singing with him, and talking about nature and love with him. However after the fall of the Soviet Union she noted "nothing good came from being with him" and tried to distance herself for a time before giving up on this. I think this is a reference to when Belarus declared independence. Right after there was a period of time of more liberlization. Stanislav Stanislavovich Shushkevich was leader. He had the old nuclear arsenal withdrawn from Belarus. However other reforms were stalled and he was forced out of power in 1993. Lukashenko was elected president in 1994 and he, politically, adopted a pro Russian stance along with the prime minister. From this time period I see Belarus returning from America and aligning herself with Russia more, returning to an attitude of resignation and apathy towards politics, because in the end nothing changed and no matter what she did, nothing could be done. In the end, it was safer to just comply. She does see her love for Russia in a romantic light, as their siblinghood is not blood related and therefore doesn't matter, but it is not totally without self interest. She is very cunning and manipulative I think. I also do not see her as always loving Russia romantically. I think it happened much later on and is a sign that she is not ok and that she sort of lost herself for a time, as well as being a survival method. A few interesting details I have noticed is that she is very demure and passive with Russia at times. When he asks her if she should get a new chair she tells him to do what he wants rather than give a direct response and in her last appearance when Russia is alone and snowed in she declines coming to see him even though Latvia and Moldova do, even though both don't really care for Russia at all. 

In terms of her herself one may wonder why I see her as so pliant (although she is also very strong willed). Belarus has been through a lot, her history has affected her vastly. In terms of other aspects of her culture I really like how hima made a reference to draniki, (a potato pancake eaten in belarus), her traditional clothing (which I would love to see him draw her in one day), and the fact that there is a strong history of gymnastics in Belarus with their teams and athletes doing well in the Olympics including Olga Korbut one of the most notable Belarusian gymnasts. Her cynical and sad attitude is very notable as well and stands out among the hetalia characters and it's interesting how she is aware that the propaganda she is exposed to is harmful. I think that shows that deep down she is very unhappy with her situation, but sees no way out for herself. She just does what she can to survive and protect her people, even if it is bad, or even if people might hate her for it, or it hurts herself. I see a lot of people say she must hate Russia too, but I think there is a middle path. I think she loves him genuinely, but she also fears and is made uncomfortable by him. She doesn't hate him, but she is wary of him and part of the reason she supports him is pure self interest. No one is truly on her side so she has to do whatever she can to live.

[goldensunset]

Sometimes I'm feeling normal and then I remember that one KH2FM cutscene with Xigbar talking to Zexion about having found Marluxia and what always gets me is that like. Zexion appears to be the same age then as he is in CoM. Which means it's been at least 10+ years since Lauriam ended up in that era (assuming he arrived in the same time as Ven) before he became a nobody/joined the organization and I can't help but just. Think. What happened to him in that time. What did our boy go through :(

this is assuming of course they didn't just pull a bbs and use an adult model to represent zexion even though later nomura was like 'oh ya no the xehanort we saw on the islands was a boy but back then we didn't have it all planned out yet so we defaulted to a grown-up looking guy' but i do think you're probably right and zexion was indeed an adult at that point meaning this happened like shortly before kh1

and ye i do think it's more reasonable to think that it took them a decade to collect all thirteen members gradually, one by one, than to think they completed the organization all the way up to larxene like right away. and of course it's fair to assume that lauriam and elrena existed here in this era for those ten years bc their nobody forms look grown-up already (aka they didn't time travel to right-before-kh1 and immediately get recruited and sent to castle oblivion. there was down time.) so both of them were probably wandering the world for ten years, as humans, growing up alone

the real question is of course. did they still have their memories for those years or not??? we'd default to saying no of course not but like. there is a strong case to suggest that time travel itself does not get rid of your memories. there is a chance that everyone lost all their memories for different reasons. (like. ven could've remembered stuff before mx broke his heart in half but what could he do about it? or ven could've lost his memories after reabsorbing the darkness and falling unconscious cuz he never woke up again after that until after he landed in the future.) honestly the talk about how you need both a medium to rebuild your body and someone with memories of you at your destination to successfully time travel has me thinking that the memory part is for YOU. you need someone to remember you so that you can remember yourself. something something you're nobody until you're perceived by someone else

so that could explain why lauriam and elrena don't remember themselves. but laurie himself says in his character file that apparently he understood that when casting aside your heart, there is a risk of losing your memories. meaning that maybe he remembered everything up until being nobodied. maybe he knew exactly who he was but he still went and chose to join the organization. which would drive me absolutely crazy cuz that would imply some moral grayness in lauriam's very nature. of course all the above would apply to elrena too etc etc

blah blah blah anyway i can't tell which would be more tragic for them. knowing, or not knowing. wandering alone (or the two of them could have met up, actually) and searching for your friends for ten years, growing desperate, and then finally giving in and taking the offer to just get rid of your heart and memories for good, because they're causing you nothing but pain. or wandering alone feeling broken and confused because you know something is missing but you don't know what. either way you're powerless so :(

[butch-reidentified]

Honestly I I feel that some of my problems would go away if I just... go on T. I'm a woman in STEM and I know how male voices and male names are prioritized over women's, I know that I would be better respected in my field (mathematics) if I had a male presentation. I already dress masculine and go by a male preferred name but I still "identify" as a woman (pronouns, etc. this ofc raises some eyebrows from my friends and uni faculty, as if GNCmity aren't a thing.) People typically think I'm a man until I open my mouth to speak. I know it's selfish, and it's cowardly, and it's society's misogyny, and other women are suffering too. But God the easy way out is so tempting. I wish I could have a male voice so that my female friends can safely call me when someone is following them at night. I remember my bestfriend calling her (ex-)friend when an old guy was harrasing her, and how he immediately asked for sex in exchange for helping her. I see my friend who has PTSD from sexual abuse afraid of leaving relationships because she believes she needs a man to protect her from 'the next rapist.' I've been successful in helping her get out of bad relationships so far and offering her a safe place. All the women in my life are in somewhat similar positions... having to rely on a man for their own survival... It's an irrational thought but maybe I can give them a sort of social protection if I present myself as a male person they can go to when they need help.

Do you feel/know if other detrans radfems feel the same way? Sorry deeply emotional as I write this and I needed a different perspective.

Have a nice day!

Hey, I'm sorry to hear you're going through these things. While I don't really feel the same, I've heard from many, many women who do. I'm gonna go one topic at a time here.

STEM-related:

To be honest, my being a woman in science is actually a major part of why I HATED the idea of being viewed as male even when I was on T and a libfem. I never ever wanted to be a guy. First off, because ever since I was really really little and boys were mean to me for being a girl, I've been completely convinced that we are the superior sex, no matter what anyone told me. Men always struck me as weak, easily manipulated (they'll do literally anything if you challenge them or imply they're cowardly or wimpy), impulsive, rude, emotionally volatile, childish, self-centered, etc. They brag about things they have not earned. Boys I knew in elementary would brag about their ALLOWANCE. Like... bro, your mom gives you that from her income, you ain't did shit for it 💀 In STEM in particular, I felt that my accomplishments would be less deserved, less earned, if I were viewed as male. I HATED that idea with a passion. I read about that one FTM researcher who was told his work was "so much better than his sister's." He didn't have a sister. Fuck that, I want to make my name on as true merit as possible. So while I can't say I relate to your feelings on this, I certainly understand where they're coming from. The only advice I have is to try to see from the persepctive I described above and see if you find peace in that.

Social Protection:

This is a bit more complicated. Again, I've never wanted to be a man, but I am fiercely protective of other women and girls, so I get why you feel that way. I understand feeling powerless to help in some situations as a woman. You may not be able to pull the "back off man, I'm her boyfriend" card or similar, but you can still look out for the women you care about, as you've shown by helping your friend get out of relationships before. It took time and conscious effort, but I trained myself to be brave and confrontational with men. With enough practice, it's become instinctive and reflexive. Meaning if I'm with a friend walking downtown at night and a man says some shit to her, I don't stop to think before I get in his face and tell him off. I will absolutely get in physical fights if necessary and have before. I also carry a knife and 1-2 pistols on me most times, which helps with the bravery bit, though I was doing this before I bought my guns or got my concealed carry permit. You might not be able to intimidate men by being one, but you absolutely can still intimidate or frighten them by being loud, aggressive, bold, and a little unhinged. AND you get the element of surprise as a woman.

As for the calling you when being followed, they should do that regardless. The threat isn't a male voice, it's the existence of a witness. If you're talking to a friend and she says she feels unsafe or threatened, then mysteriously the call cuts off, you're immediately going to call 911. I've found that even just faking being on the phone dissuades most creepy follow-y men.

Anyway, I don't know if any of this is helpful to you at all, but it definitely works for me. Please feel free to hmu if you have any questions or want to talk. Oh, and don't apologize for having emotions. You didn't do anything wrong, that's just femsoc & it isn't benefiting you 💕

If anyone else has anything to contribute please do!

[iamanartichoke]

Fic prompt: If you feel like doing another hurt/comfort with Mobius, I would love a version of that end scene where Loki's freaking out but it actually is our Mobius. So Mobius listens to everything Loki has to say, and then they just kind of...take a breath, I suppose, before whatever they're going to do to fight Kang - perhaps Loki gets some tea, and/or an actual meal, a little sleep maybe (has he eaten since that cake on the train or slept since that brief nap in ep 2??), or whatever comfort-y stuff you want - I just need that sweet fic healing lmao.

@scintillatingshortgirl19 Thank you for the prompt and I hope you like it! <3

Summary: Takes place at the end of episode 6, where instead of saying "Who are you?" Mobius knows Loki and they pick up from where they left off in the void. Word Count: 1956 Author’s notes: I'm not feeling super confident with these prompts, so please don't judge me bear with me as I dust off my little writer-brain gears and try to find my footing with these new characters and characterizations.

Completed prompts.

*

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Mobius is saying, holding his hands up, but Loki can’t stop talking. The words are spilling from him; he’s tripping over them, and from the look on Mobius’s face Loki knows he’s not making sense, but still, he can’t stop.

“He’s set on war,” Loki babbles. “We need to prepare, Mobius.”

“Hang on.” When Loki pauses to take a breath, Mobius reaches out and places his hands on Loki’s shoulders. It’s almost comical, the way he needs to reach, as Loki towers over him. Yet Loki feels very small, too, and doesn’t protest the contact. “You’re speaking faster than my brain can process words. Breathe, okay? Start at the beginning.”

Loki doesn’t know when the beginning was. It could have been the moment he’d leapt up and grabbed Sylvie’s arm before she could land a fatal blow to their enemy; it could have been all those days (or months, or hours, Loki has no idea; time, for him, has completely ceased to exist) ago that he’d landed in a Midgardian desert and the TVA immediately swarmed upon him.

“You’re not understanding me.” Frustration colors Loki’s tone. “There’s no time to stop; he’s - they’re - coming.”

“You’re right, I’m not understanding you.” Mobius lets go of Loki’s shoulders and rubs the back of his neck. “I want to, but you gotta slow down and fill me in, okay?”

“Maybe we should take him somewhere,” says B-15. Loki had barely noticed her but now he steps back, his gaze flicking from her to Mobius, taking in the confusion on both of their faces.

“You don’t look so good,” B-15 adds, taking in Loki’s appearance. He must be a sight, he realizes; his hair is matted and tangled and he feels grimy, his skin caked with so much dirt and blood from injuries he doesn’t remember getting.

But, what difference does it make? Loki turns back to Mobius, desperate. “Mobius, listen to me. Sylvie and I -”

“Come on.” Mobius cuts him off. He moves in, taking one of Loki’s arms. “You can tell me everything, okay, Loki? I just need you to calm down and to come with me, preferably before you pass out. Hauling around a five hundred pound demigod wasn’t on my to-do list today.”

Loki bites back a sharp retort. He’s vaguely aware of B-15 taking his other arm, and it’s only once Loki’s shoulders slump and he allows himself to be led away from the shelves that the exhaustion hits him. He’s been running high on adrenaline for hours, and now that he’s moving slowly, supported on either side, all of that energy seems to drain from him at once. His knees buckle.

“Careful,” Mobius says. Were it not for him and B-15 holding him up, Loki is certain he would have collapsed. He squeezes his eyes shut and focuses on placing one foot in front of the other, not caring where they’re going. The archives, the time theater, one place is the same as another.

They move through halls that are bustling with activity, minutemen running and disembodied voices crackling over speakers. They don’t know it’s pointless, no amount of hunters in the field will matter or make a difference.

He thinks he says so, or perhaps he just imagines he does. Neither Mobius nor B-15 acknowledge him, at any rate; they only keep moving and after awhile, they arrive at the dormitories, where Loki has not been since the first day Mobius brought him here as an official TVA employee.

“Why are we here?” Loki asks, confused.

“So you can get a shower and a change of clothes,” Mobius says simply, “and then we can have some coffee and you can tell me what happened after the void.”

Loki sighs, and then nods, resisting the urge to insist that everything else could wait (until when?), because Mobius isn’t understanding the precariousness of the situation, but he knows it won’t do any good.

“Fine,” he says instead, giving up. The sooner he does what Mobius asks, the sooner Mobius will listen.

He’d not realized just how badly he needed that shower and change of clothes until he’s scrubbed the dirt and blood from his skin and allowed the hot water to beat over his sore muscles and rapidly-forming bruises. For lack of anything else to wear, he puts on a clean suit, fastening the cuffs firmly around his wrists and buttoning the collar up to his neck.

He’s sick of this outfit; he never wants to see it again but, without his magic, he has no other choice.

In the dormitory kitchen, Mobius is brewing a pot of coffee. He looks up when Loki walks in, and his mouth quirks in a half smile. “Better,” he says, “but you could still probably use some sleep and a meal.”

“Stop fussing,” Loki snaps, irritated with Mobius’s sudden desire to hover over him like a governess hovering over a petulant child who won’t eat his peas. “I hate coffee, by the way.”

“You’ve never had my coffee,” Mobius retorts, sounding unbothered. “Just sit down, okay? You still look like hell, is my point. When’s the last time anyone fussed over you, anyway?”

Loki makes a scoffing noise as he drops down into a chair at one of the small kitchen tables. “I’m sure my mother did at some point, I don’t remember.” Actually, he remembers very well that it was always his mother who looked after him when he was sick or tired or lonely, until he’d grown too old to allow himself to seek her out for comfort.

But he doesn’t want to think of his mother, who is lost to him and perhaps lost to the real Loki as well, the sacred timeline’s Loki, if enough time has progressed and Malekith has indeed run her through with a sword and left her bleeding out on the palace floor.

Loki shudders as he thinks of it, remembering the sight of his mother’s lifeless body projected onto a screen. He’d been helpless to stop it, utterly powerless, just as ultimately he’d been powerless to stop Sylvie.

His mother, dead. Sylvie, lost to him. The timeline destroyed - the end of everything. The weight of it all crashes over him; had he not already been sitting, the sheer despair of it would have brought him to his knees.

Loki drops his head into his hands instead, thinking back to Mobius’s words that first day: you were born to cause pain and suffering and death.

In retrospect, Loki knows that Mobius was merely fighting dirty, using whatever words necessary to break Loki down - the ends justify the means, and all that - but he wasn’t goddamn wrong.

How could Loki have ever believed, even for a second, that he could possibly change?

We write our own destinies now, he’d told that creepy little clock hologram, and she’d smirked, seen right through the words because they were rubbish and they both knew it.

Good luck with that.

Loki doesn’t realize he’s crying until Mobius sets down a steaming mug of coffee in front of him. He lifts his head and rubs tiredly at his tear-stained cheeks, unable to meet Mobius’s gaze as Mobius sits down across from him with his own mug.

“Here,” Mobius adds, reaching into his inside blazer pocket. He pulls out a slim, red candy stick wrapped in plastic and hands that to Loki as well.

Loki stares at it. “What is this?”

“Something better than grapes or nuts,” Mobius says dryly. “It’s a Twizzler. Popular Earth candy. I’d say don’t tell anyone I’ve stashed a bunch, but …” He trails off and shrugs, glancing around at the kitchen with forced amusement. “Doesn’t really matter anymore, does it?”

He pulls out a second Twizzler and unwraps the plastic, then bites into the candy. Loki watches him for a moment, and then imitates him. “Gross,” he says, after he’s taken a bite. It’s a very bland candy, with texture not unlike rubber. “Think I prefer grapes.”

“Well, maybe Twizzlers are an acquired taste,” says Mobius.

Loki finishes the Twizzler anyway, and then takes a sip of coffee. He does usually dislike coffee, but either he’s hungrier than he’d realized or Mobius has a gift, because this cup is actually quite good.

“Okay, now let’s go back to the beginning,” Mobius prompts, after a silence. He drums his fingertips against the table. “What happened? I’m assuming you were able to enchant the murder cloud?”

All of the words that had been spilling from Loki’s lips before, so desperate to be released, now get stuck somewhere in his throat. He wraps his hands around his mug and takes another sip of coffee, wondering idly how long it had been since he’d actually had something warm to drink. Or eat, for that matter. The train on Lamentis, perhaps. A moment ago, a lifetime ago.

“We did,” he finally says. Despite the coffee, a chill breaks out over his skin and he sets the mug down, choosing to fold his arms as if to fold into himself for warmth. “We made it past Alioth and found him - the one who’s responsible for all of this.”

Just like that, the words are no longer stuck. Loki pours out the entire story, starting from when he and Sylvie had crossed the threshold into the citadel and ending with his own tumble back through the tempad’s portal into the TVA.

But he omits the kiss, only mentioning that Sylvie had distracted him to get the upper hand. He’ll never speak of it - either that Sylvie had used his feelings for her in order to betray him, or that he’d fallen for it (of course he’d fallen for it; for a few seconds there, he’d let himself believe - but, it doesn’t matter, it wasn’t real, and there are bigger problems now).

“She closed the portal before I could get back through it,” Loki says. He notices that he’s twisting his fingers together so tightly that his knuckles are turning white. He forces himself to stop. “I can only imagine she finished the job after that because, well.” He barks a laugh that sounds, even to his own ears, broken and pathetic. He used to be so good at maintaining a cool, calm facade but it, like so many other things, had been steadily breaking apart, piece by piece. There is very little left to guard the scared little ice runt who trembles at the core.

“Look at the timeline,” he adds; he laughs again and rubs his eyes against a fresh wave of tears.

For a long time, neither of them say anything. Loki finishes his coffee and Mobius eats two more Twizzlers before another word is spoken.

“So we lost.” Mobius’s voice is hollow. “We lost before we could begin to fight.”

“I’m sorry.”

Mobius shrugs. He runs a hand over his short, gray hair before letting out a laugh of his own. “He Who Remains,” he repeats, more to himself than to Loki.

Loki allows a beat to pass. “We have to try to fix it, Mobius.” The only way to ease the weight of his guilt, Loki knows, is if he goes back and tries to make it right - or to die trying.

“How are we supposed to do that?” It’s Mobius’s turn to rub his eyes. His shoulders slump and for a moment, he looks very tired. Older. Loki studies him and wonders, fleetingly, if the real Mobius is someone’s father. “I don’t even know where to begin, Loki.”

“I might.” Loki straightens. Deep down, beneath the anguish, a seed of determination has taken hold and he focuses on that; a lifeline. “But you’ll need to trust me.”

[le-loup-et-lion]

I know I talked about this on Discord once ages ago but did I ever tell you guys about my absurd harvest-mouse!Javert au?

Basically it's brick canon until Javert says to Valjean "I will wait for you here", at which point due to inexplicable fairy tale-esque 'you told a lie for the first time in your life' magic curse bullshit Javert is transformed right in front of Valjean into one of these lil guys:

Conceptually it's completely ridiculous, but what makes it funny is that's it's played completely straight.

"Autumn, you seem like a fairly serious person when it comes to this fandom so why on earth would you come up with something this silly" you say? well. you see. it literally came to me in a dream (no, seriously).

I imagine it as a very terrifying and painful transformation, which starts out almost like the pangs of a heart attack, with Javert clutching his chest and doubling over with a grunt as Valjean is walking away, causing Valjean to turn back around and kneel down with him, grabbing him by his shoulders and trying to assess what's wrong with him, ending up bewildered as Javert begins to glow with an eerie golden light which eventually engulfs him (but not before Javert can look up and meet his eyes one last time with an utterly petrified, vulnerable, pleading look). Then this blinding luminous form shrinks in Valjean's grasp until it is naught but a small floating orb, at which point the light begins to fade and whatever is left of Javert starts to fall. Valjean catches it in his hands and, somewhat horrified and awestruck, opens them to reveal the tinest little mouse he's ever seen curled up in his palms within the faintest fading golden glow.

Javert goes unconscious during this transformation, leaving Valjean to trudge back to his apartment in complete confusion with him (very gently) in hand, highly questioning his own sanity the entire time until Javert is able to wake up again and respond to basic yes/no questions.

(Javert of course absolutely loses his mind at first and tries to run away as soon as he begins to process the situation, but is unused to his new body and runs right off the edge of the table without thinking, forcing Valjean to panic lunge across the tabletop and grab him midair to prevent him from falling and hurting himself)

Anyway they are both very rattled and perplexed by this and Valjean keeps him at his apartment because they don't know what else to do.

Their whole hunter/prey antagonist/protagonist relationship gets pretty immediately and completely derailed by this, but not in like, a neatly resolved way, because they can't really just have a conversation about it at first, leading to ... a pretty weird mental state for both of them for quite awhile.

It also levels the playing field between them in a way because Javert was the only one who "knew" Valjean, and now Valjean is the only one who "knows" Javert.

Javert can't talk obviously but he CAN dip his little tail in an inkwell and write with surprisingly humanlike penmanship. (Also harvest mice have prehensile tails which they use to climb around vegetation; so it's more useful than he initially realizes—I wonder if they would be dexterous enough for him to write with just the tail itself, without having to grasp it like a pen in his front paw?)

His top hat fell off while he was transforming so it didn't transform with him (thereby remaining the only real proof of the situation, sort of) and Valjean sat it on his bedside table and filled it with bits of fabric (I like to think they're different colored cravats) for Javert to use as a hiding place/bed, which is just. the cutest thing ever if you picture it.

People on Discord were laughing about the idea of him wearing, like, a little waistcoat from a doll or something bc he's nakey and embarrassed about it lmao

I was thinking that shortly after this Valjean might fall ill, perhaps due to some wounds he received at the barricade (bullet grazes?) becoming infected by all the sewer muck he was wading around in, leaving him bedridden and unsure of the future (hmm, just like Marius). This would give him plenty of time to talk openly with Javert without anyone seeing, but also mainly force him to worry about Javert's immediate future as well, perhaps in his own absence (though he doesn't die in the end, of course). And then, their overwhelming mortality would probably make Valjean start talking about things he wouldn't otherwise have brought up.

Eventually after a long time of living with Valjean and watching him interact with others, and realizing the kind of person he is/that people can change/that the law and justice are two separate concepts/that he has spent his life helping to oppress people who often didn't deserve it, Javert manages to tolerate/accept and even appreciate Valjean in a sort of backwards Beauty and the Beast type au, and would turn back into his old human self again. But I haven't figured out exactly what the specific caveats of this "curse" (and therefore the breaking thereof) would be yet.

Like. Is it about being honest with oneself and others? Is it about learning to love? Is it about how seeing the humanity of others and treating them humanely is fundamental to what makes us human? What would break the curse, exactly? A kiss? A confession of some kind? A selfless act? Certainly it is more about him learning to love than it is about him becoming loveable; but then, are those two concepts not inseparably intertwined?

And why did he turn into a mouse, specifically, to begin with? (The real answer here is that my subconscious picked it while I was asleep, so I'm not sure; but) I feel like, in a metaphorical sense, Javert is a mouse who wholeheartedly believes himself to be a lion.

By which I mean, he was born into a position of powerlessness in society due to classism, racism, moral persecution, and economic inequality, and because of this he sought respect and power; but instead of trying to gain these things by fighting against the oppressive system he faced (as he believed it to be an unwinnable battle), he caved into it entirely and chose to become a servant of it, in return for a scant amount of personal security and the illusion of authority.

At the end of the day, however, he is still impoverished, disrespected, and distrusted. He is lying to himself in that he believes that through his self-sacrificial and self-stifling choices, he has fulfilled his goals to rise through the ranks of society, becoming his "morally best" self—but the reality is almost exactly the opposite. He has become the self-same monster that would gladly oppress people like him and his family. And he makes the choice to continue being that monster every day, because at least now he feels powerful; at least now people fear him enough to pretend they respect him.

Perhaps it is fitting, then, that his illusions finally break around him as he chooses to knowingly lie, not just to himself this time, but finally—and for the very first time—out loud. And in the admittance of his dishonesty to himself, he transforms physically into what he truly was all along—meek and small, voiceless and powerless; an inconvenient and easily forgotten pest in the eyes of society.

Would the acceptance of this truth, and the embracing of true humility, be what breaks him of the curse then; restoring to him his physical humanity at the restoration of his spiritual humanity?

I never fully figured out the plot direction for this au but I still think about it now and then and try to add to it in my head. So possibly, one day longggg in the future, you may see. a very silly little fic on AO3

[vanillann]

from stars to the balcony (b.b)

a/n: this is based off the prompt “Either Bucky or Reader are feeling down (in any way, sad, angry, angsty, whatever), there is a power blackout and the other one notices that now you can see the stars, fluff” by @emmabarnes !

word count: 2.3k

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I could feel my legs burn from pacing the length of my room, my finger toying with the sleeve of my long sleeve. The tea I had made earlier sat on the table but I had long forgotten about it, the conversation from the kitchen was replying too fast.

I was fired, I didn’t have a job. I had bills to pay but no income for the moment. It was because of downsizing, which meant I could get unemployment, but still. I had been working at this job since I was fresh out of college and now I was left to rot in my own self pity.

I pulled my shirt closer to my skin, hoping it would absorb into my skin. As soon as I got the call I turned the heat down, hoping it would save some money. I rubbed my hand up and down my face, trying to think something over in my head but I was too stuck.

The busy street of Brooklyn was calmer than normal, something I was thankful for. I didn’t want to listen to stranger arguments or drunk girl giggles tonight, I didn’t want to even hear my own thoughts. I picked up the tea cup, walking back over the microwave and placing it in the center. I punched in the numbers, turning to lean on. my counter as I rocked on my heels.

I wanted to scream, but I didn’t need a noise complaint either and considering the man next door always got home late, I had only seen his face and I recognized his face immediately but I said nothing, it wasn’t my business.

Suddenly the calming sound of my microwave had stopped, the little lamp in the corner of the was out and I already knew what had happened, This is why this place had 3 stars. I pulled at the shirt to cover my hands, hoping that would change something but I could already fill the cold air rush over my cheeks.

I turned to open the microwave, smiling, then I noticed the tea had a light smoke falling out the top, dancing in the pitch back air with a little heat rushing to my face. I held it closer, finding one of the many candles I had bought forever ago and lit it in the center of the room.

I would’ve scrolled through my phone for a minute but I didn’t need my data bill going up. The soft blanket my cousin had knitted me was wrapped tightly around me and I could already feel myself warming. I looked around the room, trying to find a book I hadn’t read or something to do when I noticed the clear sky. It made me wonder why the power even went out, my curiosity getting the best of me as I pulled the blanket closer and warmed my hands on the tea. I grabbed the metal handle of the door, opening it just enough to slip through before I rested my hands on the edge. I looked down for a second, the sidewalk only had a few people on it and there were only taxis on the street.

“You aren’t jumping, are ya?”

I turned around swiftly, spotting the silhouette of a person on the balcony beside me. He had a hat pulled down to cover his face, he was wearing a thin long sleeve and pants, definitely not bundled up in the cold breeze of Brooklyn.

I had to remind myself who he was, superheroes don’t freeze in New York city.

“Oh no, no,” I repeated the words quickly, finding I had leaned over slightly to look at the city below better.

“Just checking, wouldn’t want to explain that to the cops.”

I winched when I realized what he meant, they would think he did it.

“Your name is James, right?” I decided having a conversation with the man from next door never hurt anyone, although I noticed the book in his lap and I didn’t think he’d respond, I wouldn’t blame him.

“Yeah, but most people call me worse names.”

I frowned, moving to the corner closer to him so I wouldn’t have to talk as loud. This felt like a lot more intimate conversation.

“I’ve been called so pretty bad things, doesn’t mean they're true.”

He didn’t respond, I suppose he didn’t wanna get into it with a stranger.

“What book ya reading?”

“Hunger something,” he moved it slightly so I could see part of the cover. I smiled when I recognized the gold bird across the dark cover.

“The Hunger Games! I really enjoyed that one,” I turned back to look out at the sky, “I’ve watched the movies one too many times.”

“They made movies?”

I was about to yelp but I managed to hold it back, I had forgotten not everyone was obsessed with these things.

“Yeah, four of ‘em,” I could hear my own voice jump a few octavos, he was probably so annoyed with me.

“Oh,” I saw him nod out the corner and I decided I should shut up and let him continue his reading. It was only fair because if someone had interrupted me I’d probably pull a Katniss and shot them with a bow and arrow.

I let my eyes drift over the closed stores, the light around the area was out and it made me feel better. We weren't the only place without power. The few people on the sidewalk were gone and I watched the last taxi drive off with two giggling girls who were wearing those “I Heart NY” shirts. I always loved counting those as a kid, feeling a strange pride from being from New York.

“You must be from around here.”

There was his voice giving me a heart attack again. If he didn’t keep catching me off guard I would admire how rough and powerful it sounded, like he could tell you to sit and you’d do it like a sad puppy waiting for a treat.

“Yeah, Buffalo but I visited Brooklyn a lot, how’d ya know?” I turned slightly so I could look at him when I spoke, since he seemed to actually want to talk.

“Only people from New York would be amazed by the clear sky, I used to hate how you could never see the stars,” I watched him place the book to the side, standing up and leaning against his own railing. The faint light from the few buildings that had power flashed across his face. He was taller than I remembered and his hair was longer, pulled into a little ponytail at the nape of his neck. I watched him tip his hat up slightly, I could actually see his eyes.

“I didn’t even notice the stars,” I turned back to look at the stars in question, smiling when I could see all the consolation that people would point out in chessy movies.

“I was amazed I could see any, kinda glad the power went out.”

He shrugged so carelessly, something about the demeanor suited him.

“I wish I could say the same,” I whispered against the wind, trying to push the feeling I had earlier from my body completely but I knew that was impossible.

It was silent for a second like we both didn’t want to scare the stars from the sky.

“I never learned any of the consolations.”

I smiled this time when he spoke because he was trying to keep the conversation alive.

“Can’t say I have either,” I turned back to admire him, the way he looked at the stars like it was everything to him.

“That one looks like it would be a Latin name,” he pointed to a cluster of stars like he was pointing at a cloud and telling someone it looked like an elephant when it definitely didn’t. Instead of calling him out I smiled, turning and letting my own eyes ranked over the millions of stars.

“That one looks really important, you know like it comes out every two hundred years,” my finger extended to point at a few stray stars that seemed to shine brighter than the rest, but I doubted that.

“Wonder if you’re right,” I could hear a slight chuckle in his voice as if he knew something I didn’t but it was more than likely he did.

“If I am then you owe me ten bucks,” my own laughs filled in behind his own, the once silent streets were long gone as James pointed to a different star.

“That one looks like you.”

“How can someone look like a star,” I kept laughing, looking at the stars he was talking about.

“I don’t know, but you do.”

I felt his eyes watch me but I didn’t have it in me to look at him, just watching the star that apparently looked like me. A large, duller star sat beside it but as it moved it seemed to grow brighter.

“That one is you then,” I pointed, smiling when I heard him scoff.

“That feels like a burn!”

I laughed, smiling as the breeze spread over my body and I couldn’t help but pull the blanket closer. I wanted to go in, because while it wasn’t much warmer it was something, but picking out stars with this man next door was a lot of fun.

I didn’t expect to enjoy the powerless night so much, but I was suddenly just as happy about it.

“I think that is Sirius, the dog star,” the nerd in me jumped out, laughing when I heard him slam his hand slightly on the rail. I said nothing of the mental on mental sound, I knew some things that happen in pop culture.

“I thought you didn’t know about this stuff!”

“I don’t, I just like Harry Potter,” I shrugged, looking back at his face. The few lights that were once on were off down, the only reason I saw any of his face was street lamps and the moon itself. I enjoyed watching his eyebrows raise, disappearing under the brim of his hat.

“I think Banner mentioned that once,” I don’t think he meant for me to hear and I thought best not to talk about his line of work, I definitely wouldn’t want to have to talk about mine if he asked.

“Probably, book and movie series.”

He nodded, both our eyes filtered back to the night sky that hung above us. It was enchanting to say the least, two kids from the city looking up at the sky like they lived in the country.

“You seemed stressed when you came out, do you feel any better?”

For the first time tonight, he asked a question I didn’t want to answer. I didn’t want to talk about any of my feelings from inside my small apartment, that was too real for the boy next door. Out here was light and airy, no stuffy matter allowed.

“Yeah, but I’d rather not talk about it.”

“I wasn’t planning on asking, just wanted to make sure you were feeling better.”

Anyone else would have been offended. He wasn't planning to ask but I respected it. He understood not to ruin a good moment like this, not now. Keep it light while it can be, because the second things get heavy the feeling is gone, I needed a light moment for this single second. If he wanted to knock on my door in the morning and ask then, fine, but now wasn’t the time and I was thankful we saw the same thing.

Another breeze brushed over my skin, a chill running up my skin and I frowned when the mug was no longer hot. I heard a pop from behind me and I turned to notice my lamp was back on.

The power was back, which meant the moment was gone.

“Well, power is back,” he awkwardly pointed over his shoulder at the building, his own apartment didn’t have much light but I assumed he was out here before the power went out,

“Yeah, I should probably head in,” I knew it would be warmer, but I felt as if my body was so much calmer out here.

“Yeah.”

We watched each other for a minute, I took my last glance at the boy with the beat up hat and the laugh of a Greek God.

“Night James,” I waved over my shoulder, holding the mug to my chest and grabbing the freezing door handle.

“Night (Y/N).”

I slipped back in the apartment, smiling when the little heat crashed onto my freezing cheeks, the contrast nice for the first few seconds. I set the mug down, blowing out the candle as my apartment now smelt like apple cider, which was just as calming. I missed the moments on the balcony but I was happy for the heat. I moved around my apartment, fixing my alarm clock and resetting a few other things after the power outages. I had just replugged the wifi router when I heard a little knock at my door. I assumed it was the landlord to tell me the power was back, obviously. I slid across the floor, swinging it open as I was prepared to lean on the door frame. I felt myself frown, not out of sadness but confusion as I realized who it was.

“James?”

He pulled his hand out his pocket, holding out ten dollars with a little shrug.

“Some crazy eclipses thing is happening tonight, hasn’t happened in two hunder and nine years.”

I couldn’t stop the large smile that graced my lips as I reached out to pull the ten-dollar from his grip, smiling more when he lingered in the doorway for a second.

“The tea you had looked good,” he rocked back and front of his feet, his eyes downcast to his shoes.

“Like a mug of it?” He looked up, smiling as I opened the door wider from him.

“If you insist.”

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