#i mean. EVERY single thing they did was just. so opposite of everything i want in a person im sorry

[ashasdiary]

Pumpkin

Pairing: Nanami Kento x fem!reader

Synopsis: Husband!nanami (later father!Nanami) being super domestic during your pregnancy, birth, and arrival of your baby. 

CW: a smidge 🤏🏻 of angst but mainly FLUFF, pet names, established relationship, pregnancy, birth, babies  WC: 1.9k A/N: this is a sequel to Vitamins but can be read as a standalone if the smut in Vitamins is not your jam. Enjoy this fluffy goodness 🥹

Ever since those two tests had very loudly informed you of your pregnancy, Nanami had not let you lift a single finger to do anything. Not that he had even before your pregnancy — your husband’s love language was acts of service — but now? He was very hyperactive in taking care of you. 

“Honey, did you note down the appointment time in the calendar?”

“Honey, did you take your folic acid?”

“Honey, you’ve been on your feet too much today. You need to rest.”

“Honey, do you want me to give you a massage?”

“Kento,” you sigh, “I’m fine, really. It’s still early stages.”

“And you have to be careful during the early stages,” he notes. 

“I know. But you’re also treating me like I’m china and…it’s just…a bit too much,” you say. You didn’t want to tell him this, because you knew he meant well, but you also had to communicate your feelings to him. You were worried he’d be upset when you did, but he looks at you apologetically, seemingly taking it in his stride. 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I don’t mean to make you feel…suffocated. I was worried I was being too overbearing, but I wanted to make sure you knew that I want to do as much as I can for you. And the baby,” he explains in one breath. Your eyes soften and you step into his embrace, hugging him tightly, burying your face into his neck. 

“I do. I’ve always known that. I appreciate everything you’re doing for me, but I would also like to do things myself sometimes.”

“I understand. I’ll be more mindful, my love,” he rubs his hand up and down your back. 

“Thank you, Ken. I love you,” you kiss his cheek and he turns his face to capture your lips with his in a chaste kiss. 

Every week, you’d made it tradition to take a side profile picture of the bump along with the fruit that the baby was the size of. This was Nanami’s idea, of course, and he made it creative and fun. Seeing him be so excited for the arrival of your child made your heart swell with joy. 

He’d very proudly started to create a scrapbook of all the happenings during your pregnancy which he was eager to show your child when they got older. 

Interestingly, Nanami did not want to do a gender reveal when the ultrasound technician offered to write it down at one of the scans. And you couldn’t fault his logic when he later explained, “It’s silly. It’s a social construct. We’ll find out when they’re born, and regardless, even then it won’t matter. We’ll still love them the same.”

Every craving, every need, he provided. Including the need to jump his bones in the second trimester. Damn, did he keep up with you. You knew it was because he found the cute little swell of your belly so incredibly sexy — he’d voiced it on numerous occasions — knowing he’d done that, nothing made him more unhinged. 

Ever the doting husband and expectant father, he’d started reading up more about babies and often tell you facts you’d have never known. “Did you know that your heart grows bigger during pregnancy?” He informs you while you’re laid back on the couch, on opposite ends, 5 months in. 

“I…did not know that,” you blink, surprised. 

“Yep. It’s to help the heart pump more blood to the baby. Babies can also cry in the womb.”

“Oh no,” you pout, “I don’t want baby to cry.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about that, hon, they’ve been quite gentle so far. You can sing to them, they’ll hear it by now. And talking to them in another language is also beneficial,” he notes and you let out a soft laugh at how he’s rattling off these fun facts. 

“Your brain truly amazes me sometimes, Ken, it’s like a sponge,” you prop your arm up and rest your chin on your hand. 

“So’s the baby’s right now. We should get a Duolingo subscription and get them started on another language already,” he jokes and you let out a hearty laugh, which earns you a little kick in protest from your baby. 

“Well, your child just said no to that,” you giggle. 

His mouth falls open and he scoots over and lies between your legs, coming face to face with your bump. “Listen here, you little squirt, you will learn another language whether you like it or not.”

“Oh, daddy’s setting rules,” you whisper. 

“And in addition to that language, which you will be fluent in, you’ll also learn jujutsu,” Kento tells your bump definitively. You laugh at how he’s instructing the baby firmly one minute and then lovingly pressing kisses to your skin the next. 

He relaxes against you, and you decide to tell him a fact you’d found out recently. “Did you know that eggs can pick and choose whether the sperm gets to fertilise it? For a while, I thought it was just a race of the best sperm to get to the egg. But the egg can reject it if it wants to. Isn’t that fascinating?”

He raises an eyebrow in slight surprise and amusement at this newfound knowledge. He wasn’t aware of that little detail either, but he finds it very intriguing. “That’s pretty impressive. I had no idea that they had such power over which sperm gets to fertilise them. Who knew eggs were such shrewd gatekeepers?”

“Right? But my egg was a terrible gatekeeper. Probably a combination of that and your sperm just being overachievers.”

He laughs heartily at your comment, the image of his overly ambitious sperm and your easy-going egg combining to form your miracle is quite the amusing picture. 

“Well, I do have some pretty strong swimmers, I can’t deny that. And your egg must have had a weak moment, letting my little overachievers through. But I'm glad it did,” he smiles warmly at you, his hand gently rubbing your leg. 

There were moments where you couldn’t wait to meet the little one, but you also found yourself getting emotional a few times that it wouldn’t just be you and him anymore. When he notices your glassy eyes one day while you’re eating breakfast, he frowns and takes your hand in his. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

The dam suddenly bursts — darned pregnancy hormones — and you start to bawl, managing to say between breaths, “It’s— not— going to— be just— you and me any— anymore…”

He has to stop himself from laughing at your sudden realisation and he circles around the dining table, embracing you. 

“And I know how stupid I sound right now, because I wanted this, and still do, but I’m— I’m just…scared,” you cry, inhaling shaky breaths. “What if I’m not a good mother? What if parenthood is the complete opposite of what I envision it to be?” You ramble.  

He rubs your back gently and comforts you, kissing the crown of your head as you rest it on his chest. “I know, honey. You don’t sound stupid. It’s natural to feel nervous. Parenthood is a new venture for both of us but it won’t be vastly different to what we think it’ll be. And you’ll be a fantastic mother. I’ll be by your side every step of the way, you’ll never be alone. We’re doing this together. We’ll make mistakes together. Clean up messes together. Strive together. It’ll be alright.”

His words of reassurance bring you a sense of calm and you feel the warmth of comfort spread through you slowly, easing your anxieties. 

He reassured you every time you felt any sense of worry or sadness, provided the love that you needed and more, and was a real anchor to harbouring your emotions. 

Week 40 arrived before you knew it. With a bright and large orange pumpkin in hand, you took what you hoped would be the last picture for the scrapbook. You both subsequently started referring to the baby as “pumpkin” that week. Every day that week, he had tried to coax them out with sweet words. 

“Are you gonna come out today, pumpkin? Today’s a good day to join us, I think. The weather’s nice out. You should come see it,” he whispered to your bump in the morning before you were awake. 

When your baby decided that they were ready to come out, Nanami was there, holding your hand the entire time, not once letting go. You were quite afraid of this final hurdle but with Nanami by your side, you knew you’d be okay. 

It was a long and tiring 14 hours, exhaustion was settled into your bones, but when you finally, finally give the final push and the baby is out, you cry. From the relief of birth being over, from the new chapter that had just opened, from having sight of the baby that you and Nanami had made. 

Nanami kisses your head, eyes glassy as he whispers praises of how well you did, that it’s over and that he’s so proud of you. 

The midwife places pumpkin onto your chest for some skin to skin, placing a blanket on top, the little thing curled up and looking disapproving of being pushed out of the coziness of your womb. 

Nanami chuckles softly as he peers over and the baby’s rosy lips tremble before they take their first breath and start to cry quietly. You sniffle as you wipe your own tears and look at your husband and he kisses your forehead. 

You hush the baby gently, speaking softly, “You’re here, pumpkin…here with us. I’ve got you.” 

After they cut the umbilical cord, the afterbirth comes out, and the midwives take the baby to bathe, clothe, take measurements, and bundle them up. 

“How do you feel?” Kento asks, holding your hand still as you stand up, ready to take a shower. 

“I feel a little empty inside, it also hurts. Not looking forward to peeing,” you sigh and he caresses your back gently. 

“You’ll get better with time, honey,” he guides you to the shower room.

There, he tends to all of your needs, helping you wash up, then dry off, and put your clothes on. You could almost cry from his attentiveness.

You hug him and squeeze gently, gazing up at him gratefully and lovingly. “What did I do to deserve you?” You whisper. 

He smiles sweetly, caressing your cheek and giving you a chaste peck. “You can’t say that after you just pushed our baby out,” he chuckles. You laugh softly and you hold each other for a moment longer, before you both go back into the room.

There, the midwives wheel the bassinet over to you, where pumpkin is awake and looking for something to come into focus. 

“She’s very healthy, Mr. and Mrs. Nanami.”

“She?” You repeat, feeling your heart flutter. A sweet little girl. 

Nanami smiles to himself, he’s elated. He has a daughter. “Sweetheart, come on, look at her lips, they’re totally yours.”

You give him a small smile, eyes filling with happy tears as you both fawn over your daughter. It was a little early to tell, but you hope she has his eyes. She had a bunch of blonde hair, too.

“Hold her, Ken,” you whisper and he obliges, gently picking her up and angling his arms perfectly to fit his little angel against him. 

He’s quiet for a minute, just soaking up the feeling of having his daughter in his arms, the warmth of her, her existence setting in. 

“Now, about those language lessons that you refused to do…” he speaks to her in a gentle tone, and your lips curl into a bigger smile at his jokes, “I don’t want to hear another word from you, little miss. Any objections?”

He’s quiet for a beat and the baby just pouts as she looks up at her father, which you laugh softly at. “Good choice. Maybe start to brush up on some Malay, sweet pea, your mama and I will be taking you to Malaysia one day soon,” he promises to her you feel your heart flutter in your chest at the thought.

The three of you, your little family, in your shared happy place. Something out of a dream, but soon would be reality.

You couldn’t wait.

Do not copy or translate my work. © ashasdiary, all rights reserved. Divider by cafekitsune

[mbat]

ohh the instant relief of cutting off someone who does nothing but make you mad. holy shit the difference

went from spending whole days being mad about them existing to suddenly its like. who?

[odoraful]

𝐀 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐘 𝐈𝐍 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄

brushing up on physical intimacy might be hard for an adeptus like xiao. however, he's willing to put in the effort for a romantic like you.

⟡ content: xiao x gn!reader; sfw; fluff; xiao is ALWAYS serious about wanting to learn more about you :') ; 1.5k words

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You froze in shock hearing what Xiao had just asked.

“Do you want to kiss?”

The words reverberated in your head. Did you need to schedule a visit with Baizhu to have your ears checked? Or did your serious-minded adeptus actually initiate wanting to kiss you? If it was any consolation, Xiao seemed an equal measure flustered by his own request.

You had just begun to unwind for the night at Wangshu Inn—Xiao pouring out tea, and you folding laundry to be put away—when he spouted the question.

Seeing your wide eyes barely blink, Xiao blurted out, “You kept talking about the opera we watched”—he cleared his throat—“and about how romantic the kiss was.”

You flushed.

The romanticist in you couldn’t help it though. At Liyue Harbour, the Yun-Han Opera Troupe had just performed a story of forbidden romance. It was a tale of two lovers who had been banished to opposite sides of the night sky. For only a single day out of a year, birds would form a bridge to help them reunite. And when they met, they shared a passionate kiss beneath the heavenly skies dotted by milky stars and galaxies. You had almost been moved to tears. Believing that Xiao was unaffected by such things, you freely chattered about it the way back to Wangshu Inn after the performance. Gushing endlessly about the magic of it all.

“It was! But, that doesn’t mean that I want to”—

You sucked in a breath, cutting yourself off.

Well, you didn’t not want to kiss Xiao. You just weren’t prepared at all for this.

“It’s just that you said it so suddenly!” you said, shaking out a blouse that matched the shade of pink that spread across your cheeks.

Affection came in many forms between the two of you—heartfelt conversations on moonlit nights, swims in Yaoguang Shoal when the weather warmed up, exchanging trinkets from one’s adventures—but neither of you had engaged in anything physical. It seemed like an invisible line not to be crossed. Shoulders side-by-side, but never touching. Hands brushing, but never holding.

You stored your small pile of clothes away, staring aimlessly into the open drawer trying to figure out a reply. He sounded so genuine in his offer, how could you turn it down? Resolute, you shut the drawer and swung around.

Betrayed by his tendency to blush easily, Xiao fought to keep a calm expression on his face. He rested his elbow on the arm rest of the wooden sofa, hand covering his mouth. His words came out muffled.

“Forget I said anything.”

No, no, don’t backtrack! you thought.

You needed to salvage this situation. Though, your mind drew a blank. Quickly, your dug around your memories and all the romantic stories you’ve read, featuring love interests timid, bold and everything in between. What was the perfect move to woo someone the fastest? A move that would be impossible to refuse?

You crossed the floor of the room with an unfaltering gait. Xiao’s eyes followed your movement, curious as to your intent.

With little hesitation, you sat on his lap.

Every hair on Xiao’s body raised. His heartrate thundered in his ears, faster than in any fight he had been in. The curve of your body against his thighs was a foreign, yet oddly comforting, sensation.

“W-what are you doing?!” he spluttered, flabbergasted.

Your boyfriend was in the most embarrassed state you had ever seen, his face as red as a jueyun chili.

“You asked if I wanted to kiss, right?” you confirmed, trying to keep your voice even. “Well, here’s my answer to that.”

A fuse short circuited in Xiao’s brain.

He didn’t even know where to look. At your eyes? No, they held too much bated anticipation. At your lips? Certainly not. Even staring down into his lap meant acknowledging the vulnerable position you two were in.

He couldn’t do this. He definitely couldn’t do this. Why had he even asked you in the first place? Because he could somehow act like a prince charming? Hold the back of your neck and sweep you off your feet with an expert kiss? However, beneath his panic, the temptation he felt was undeniable. Yet, time and time again, his desires were drowned out by the alarms blaring in his mind.

You laid your hands on his shoulders. The air around him sweetened, the perfume on your wrists enhanced by your closeness.

As you drew nearer to him, he was forced to look up at you. The panic stilled. All he could focus on was you. The steadiness of your breathing, and the tensing of your legs. Every little texture on your face, and each blink of your eyes.

Xiao wanted to try. Try to fulfil those romantic fantasies you spoke so fondly about. Maybe, just maybe, he could make you just as giddy and lovestruck.

The unexpected passion in his gaze was too overwhelming for you. Unable to hold eye contact with him anymore, you turned you head to the side,

Xiao knew to strike when enemies left an opening in their defences. Whilst you were the farthest from an opponent to him, it was those same instincts that pushed him to move after the perfect opportunity you gave.

Your mouth parted with surprise at his lips pressed against your cheek. Though it only lasted seconds, the softness of his kiss lingered behind, your skin tingling with elation. Outside, past the balcony of your room, the stars seemed to twinkle a magnitude brighter before he pulled away. You turned back to him, an incredulous smile plastered on your face, practically beaming.

“I-I know it wasn’t like how it was in the opera…” Xiao’s voice trailed off, hands fiddling at the fabric of the cushion beneath him.

You shook your head in strong disagreement. “I thought it was even better than the opera.”

Interlocking your fingers behind his neck, your voice filled with mirth, “I should tell Yun Jin about it so she can incorporate it into her next performance.”

“Do not tell her.”

“I’m joking! Well, only about the telling Yun Jin part that is.”

Up close, he could see exactly the way your eyes creased and your lips curved when you laughed. Had he done that? Been the one to provoke such cheeriness for you? The previous fears he had subsided, and it boldened him to ask you a question.

“Why is it—” his voice grew small—“you never ask me to do things like this with you?”

His sincerity both gladdened you, and twinged you with guilt.

“To be honest, I always assumed that you didn’t like to do these sorts of things,” you admitted, downcast.

“It is hard for me due to my… inexperience,” his face scrunched up slightly as he paused. An endearing habit of his when he let his thoughts collect itself before replying, “but if it’s for you, I’m willing to try.”

Hesitatingly, he brought a hand up to cradle of your face. His touch was feather-like, leaving a gap of mere millimetres against your skin.

“Just… don’t move so fast.”

Xiao examined your reaction, hoping that his words made sense.

“I understand,” you reassured, “I want us both to feel comfortable too, so we can take things slowly.”

Comfortable… Once again, he was conscious of your position.

He coughed, a slight awkwardness to his tone as he spoke.

“Then, does ‘taking things slowly’ involve sitting in my lap?”

“Ah!”

You almost jumped out of your skin realising the position you had put him in.

“I’m so sorry! I don’t know what I was thinking. It was just something I’ve seen happen so many times in the light novels I read, and I thought I’d try to do one on you.” You were rambling at this point, spouting anything out of your system.

Hurriedly, you got up, brushing the sweat from your palms on the fabric of your pants. You sat beside him on the sofa, willing the heat away from your cheeks.

“I-I didn’t dislike it,” he said, gently. “I would prefer if you asked next time so I’m prepared.”

You nodded. The corners of Xiao’s lips twitched at your sulk. He knew well enough he should change the subject to dispel the embarrassment radiating off you.

“You spoke of light novels? What are they?”

“They’re a type of literature from Inazuma.” As you continued, your composure renewed itself. “Wanwen Bookhouse has been supplying lots of new genres recently, specifically romance,” you added, somewhat sheepishly.

He hummed with interest. “Could you… share them with me?”

“You want to read some?” You brightened at his curiosity. “But, why?”

Xiao’s expression fell into seriousness, as if calculating a decisive move in a battle.

“I want to understand your likes more.”

His words landed a direct hit to your heart, causing it to flutter. It was a different feeling to when you read your novels. It was far more intense, and infinitely more meaningful.

He smiled softly.

“These stories will be good study for me.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

[siderealcity]

So, one of the things I love about Dawntrail is the way the four competitors are introduced and framed.

Spoilers ahead.

We meet Wuk Lamat first. She's the reason we're here. But we'll come back to her.

So then, Zoraal Ja. He doesn't speak a single word throughout his first appearance. Even when approached, the first, and only, thing he does is tell his lackey to talk for him.

Look at what Erenville says about him when he exits the palace to the cheering of the crowd:

Erenville: Zoraal Ja. The First Promise and commander of the Landsguard. Sareel Ja, the palace seer. As he was so careful to remind the crowd, Zoraal Ja is indeed the natural child of Gulool Ja Ja. Alphinaud: And “Resilient Son”? Is that another title, like the First Promise? Erenville: After a fashion. Common knowledge has it that two-headed Mamool Ja cannot sire children… Yet Zoraal Ja was born all the same, with the Head of Resolve's features and the Head of Reason's scales─an extraordinary example of life's unyielding resilience. Alisaie: And a warrior's reticence. He says little, but the way he moves… I know a hardened soldier when I see one. Erenville: He's a natural swordsman─a gift he inherited from his father. Some even say that the son has already surpassed the sire. Should he come to power, the First Promise means to employ that martial prowess in the conquest of foreign lands. For this, he and his supporters have been labeled expansionists. This puts him in direct opposition to Wuk Lamat, who advocates for the preservation of peace. You may recall that she spoke of a claimant who “cannot be allowed to rule.” That is Zoraal Ja─the warmonger.

Zoraal Ja is clearly framed as the favorite by all of Tural to win the contest, but look at how Erenville describes him. Every compliment is instantly returned to his father. He's the Resilient Son, whose impossible birth was a miracle only Gulool Ja Ja could have managed. Look, see how much he resembles both his fathers. His sword skills are great--he inherited them from his father.

He resents his siblings because they, being adopted, are granted nothing by nature. Everything they get from their father is learned. Not innate. Koana's studies and Wuk Lamat's people skills are theirs. He doesn't see Bakool Ja Ja as a threat because they're too similar. All that makes both of them special came from their parents. But Koana, he sees as a threat or a useful tool. Koana has been recognized for what he's done on his own.

He's the perfect example of the pressures of the first-born child, even though we never get the impression that his father puts any pressure on him at all. It's the public who puts the full weight of their expectations on him, purely for a quirk of birth. Everything's expected of him, but if he succeeds it's not because of him, but because he's his father's son. Which is maybe why he refuses to engage with the people at all.

That's… going to come back to haunt us all later.

Then there's Koana. When Bakool Ja Ja insults his older brother, whom he desperately does not want to win this contest, he immediately jumps to Zoraal Ja's defense. The supporters who approach him don't have anything to say about him at all, they just want cool stuff. Bring us trains and airships and magitek doodads! He escapes from them as awkwardly as humanly possible. And note how differently Erenville describes him:

Erenville: Here we have Koana, the Second Promise, who spent time as a pupil at Sharlayan's own Studium. Alisaie: Now that you mention it, I think I did see him in the halls once or twice. There was nothing to suggest he was Turali, much less from a royal family. Erenville: That was by design. He forewent his usual garb and took an Eorzean name to avoid attention. Alphinaud: So it was Koana who introduced the dirigibles. And the railway, too, given what we just heard…? Erenville: In furtherance of his goal: to enrich Tuliyollal with every bright notion he learned of in Sharlayan. He is the hope of those who prize innovation. As aloof as he may seem, Koana and Wuk Lamat actually get along rather well. They bicker and banter as only close siblings do.

He was a student at the Studium, but we don't hear of any other achievements there. No graduating with honors. No inventions of his own. His accomplishments are mostly… being a royal, and therefore in a position to get other people's ideas implemented in Tural. And he seems to feel that. He doesn't want to be noticed, doesn't want to be lauded, won't take the encouragement of his followers, and doesn't promise them anything because he doesn't feel like he can.

He is very much caught in the middle all the time.

Between his love for his brother, who doesn't love him back, and whom he knows can't be allowed to rule, and his sense of duty to his nation. Between his feelings of inadequacy and his fear of failure. Between Tural and Sharlayan. Between his beloved baby sister and the contest that makes them rivals. Between his ideals and reality.

Perfect middle child.

Then we get Bakool Ja Ja. The outsider.

We know from the Dawnservant's introduction of the rite that historically only two-headed mamool ja were allowed to rule. He is set up, then, as the symbol of the old order.

And the moment he steps outside, the crowd goes wild.

He isn't the Dawnservant's son, but he is, as far as most of those onlookers are concerned, the next Gulool Ja Ja. The person who reacts most negatively to his appearance and bravado, tellingly, is a boonewa. A member of one of the clans that actually makes blessed siblings. That's… that's going to be meaningful later. Unlike the two claimants who preceded him, nobody asks him for anything. His supporters don't support him because they think he can help them. They support him because of what he is.

Erenville's description of him is notably brief:

Erenville: The chosen of Mamook, Bakool Ja Ja. Winner of the recent martial tournament, and the only claimant not of the Dawn's Promise. His strength is undeniable, but…you see how he is. A few devoted Mamool Ja are his only supporters. Krile: What would he do with the throne should he win it? Erenville: His policies and so forth? I doubt he's thought much beyond winning the contest itself. But one thing seems certain: if he does become Dawnservant, he will see the Mamool Ja exalted as the ruling class, and all others forced into subservience.

And yet… he's not the one Wuk Lamat was afraid of winning. Which is somewhat prophetic foreshadowing, really. Bakool Ja Ja is the only claimant who has no thoughts of the future. He has to win this contest because he exists. That's it. That's all there is.

He has to win because blessed siblings always win. If they don't… then why should they even exist?

That's… yeah.

And finally, Wuk Lamat emerges from the palace. With her mom.

If it wasn't clear before that she's the baby of the family, the fact that she makes her grand public appearance as a contender for the throne with her nursemaid should be a clue.

We have, at the moment that Erenville asks if we're sure we really want to be part of this, so far seen her wander off distracted in Sharlayan, get panicked by a talking bird, eat her weight in barbequed monster, and get extremely seasick. The one thing we know she wants out of this contest is to stop Zoraal Ja from starting a war the second he takes the throne. She is doing this, not because she wants power or has a vision for Tural, but because she opposes a bad vision.

She is so much the underdog in this contest that most of the crowd left before she appeared, assuming the show was over, and what's remaining is standing within earshot gossipping about how pathetic she is compared to the others.

Wuk Lamat is constantly in someone else's shadow. Her father. Her elder brothers. That random guy who got in here somehow. Sphene, when we get to Alexandria. She's invisible, and she seems to feel like that's just how things work. Even the soldiers who meet us at the docks need to take a minute before they realize who she is.

Erenville doesn't say anything about her, though he has a few words about how her supporters are mostly the elderly who remember the war. (I would imagine that includes a lot of non-elderly shetona, too.) But he doesn't really have to talk her up. The Reigning King of Dry Understatement may have insisted back in Sharlayan that they are not friends, merely long-standing acquaintances, but when she asked him for advice about finding allies for the contest, he recommended a god-slayer. Talk about fixing the fight. Not just recommended, he dropped what he was doing and went back across the ocean to recruit them. He could have pointed her at the Students of Baldesion. He was working with them already. Instead, he came back to Sharlayan and asked the Students to go get WoL. A person he knows is capable of crossing the entire universe to avert the apocalypse and also, for some reason, stopping to catch stray marmots along the way. He really wants her win. He just won't quite say that out loud.

"As you just witnessed, Wuk Lamat has no great army of supporters. Not yet, at least." Oh, Erenville.

[idkwhatimdoinghere1655]

Perfect Birthday Wish - Max Verstappen

<word count - 3233>

For many years, Max's birthday was nothing special. He tended to spend it at the track, or at practice, or just with a few friends. He simply saw it as one more year of experience, and one more closer to him officially being old. 

This year, however, Max was changing things up - he was branching out. He was meeting up with a friend of a friend -you- since he had been told that you were a lot like him in many regards. You were currently living in Monaco,  and a bit of an introvert. 

You liked keeping yourself to yourself, and Max was the same. He liked the sound of you, you seemed like his kind of person. He wasn't actually sure whether this get together was a date or whether it was just a friendly little 'getting to know each other' kind of thing. 

But, he assumed that since it was just the two of you, then it could probably be classed as a date. Max had picked a nice little cafe that he had been to many times before without the press interfering. 

He kept his outfit casual, making his way through the backstreets of Monaco to the location that you had been informed about. He didn't know what you looked like or anything, all he knew was that he was spending his birthday on a date with some girl that he had never even talked to.

Blind dates weren't his idea of an ideal first meeting, not by any means, but he felt like this could be an interesting way to start things with you. Now, he just had to hope and pray that you were all his friend had chalked you up to be.

Walking into the cafe, he didn't have a clue if you were there or not. "Hi, I booked a table under Verstappen for 2, I'm not sure if someone has taken the reservation yet?" he asked one of the waitresses walking by, and she went to the front of the cafe to check the system. 

"No one has turned up just yet, your table is right this way," she smiled, leading Max through to his usual table that was tucked away in the corner. Something about it was cosy, homely, comfortable. He loved it, and he sometimes found himself just coming here to sit there and drink a coffee in the peace and quiet. 

As he thought about it, the idea of having someone to bring here, to sit with in the solace, was a nice thought. Just to have someone, not to necessarily talk to, but just to have. To have and to hold, to enjoy. 

He was always asked what he wanted as his birthday wish, and he always said 'what could I want when I already have everything I desire?'. His friends would laugh it off as just Max being Max, but every year he spent without someone beside him, he longed for it a little more. He couldn't help but wonder if today was finally going to grant him his wish.

"Erm... Max?" a voice pulled him out of his thoughts. Max looked up and his heart nearly stopped. Standing in front of the table, fiddling with their fingers was the single most gorgeous creature he had ever laid his eyes upon. 

You were like some model stripped right out of a magazine and planted right in front of him. "Yeah, hi, yeah, I'm Max," he stuttered, standing up and holding his hand out for you to shake. Shake her hand? Yeah, nice one, Mr 1940s Businessman he thought. 

As a bid to save face, once you had placed your hand into his, he brought it up to his lips and placed a soft kiss on the back of it. He was relieved when he saw the small flush of pink that coated your cheeks - his efforts having clearly paid off. 

"I'm Y/N," you said as he dropped your hand back down gently. You slid into the booth and Max slid in opposite you, and this was always the worst part about a first date. What did you ask? You surely knew he was an F1 driver, and he wanted to ask you about your occupation, but he couldn't get the words out. 

"So, how's your day been?" you piped up, breaking the awkward tension. 

"Good, yeah. It's just been me and my friends hanging out," he explained, not bypassing the fact that you seemed to be hanging onto his every word, listening as if you genuinely cared about his answers. 

"Any special occasions?" you asked, and he was slightly shocked. Maybe you had really good sixth sense, or maybe you had been tipped off about what day it was today, but he couldn't help but grin nonetheless.

"Eh, well, yeah. It's my birthday today," he said, as if it wasn't a big deal. Your eyes widened as a grin grew across your face. 

"Really?" you said,  excitement clear in your tone. Max just nodded softly, finding the excitement endearing from you. No one around him seemed that excited for their own birthday, let alone his. Plus, it was someone he had barely even known for 5 minutes. 

"No way..." you trailed off, and Max cocked an eyebrow at you. He was curious as to why you found the news of what today was so shocking, why it seemed so important to you. "Today's my birthday too," you told him, and it suddenly all made sense. 

"And why isn't a pretty girl like you out with her friends on her birthday?" he asked, wanting to see that familiar blush creep up onto your cheeks. He was never the smoothest when it came to compliments, but now he felt a sudden burst of confidence. 

"Ah well, they're all at work and stuff, it doesn't matter. I'm glad to be spending it with you, anyway," you countered, and now it was Max's turn to blush. You were more like him than he previously thought.

You were spending your special day, going on a date that could possibly end in disaster, with some man you had never spoken too. It was admirable, in a way. You were both coming out of your shells and stepping out of your comfort zones, for the sake of what?

A connection? Maybe a fleeting romance that would come and go like the autumn breeze? Love? What even was love in a world so cynical? Was it wanting to stay with someone, no matter how much you thought to have despised them? 

Was it wanting to be by someone's side through thick and thin? Was it needing someone so desperately that you couldn't bear to have your soul ripped from theirs by the ever fateful hands of a ticking clock? 

Alas, Max was getting too ahead of himself. "But surely you can find better ways to spend your special day than holed up here with me?" he joked, causing a small giggle to slip past your lips. Now that was a sound he could get used to.

"I could say the same to you," you countered, already finding the Dutchman to be your type of guy. Quiet, composed, but still with the charms of a traditional gentleman. There was something about Max, too. 

Something settling, something that reminded you of home. You couldn't quite say what it was, but he seemed like the kind of guy that would be good to snuggle up with on the couch on a rainy day. 

"Well when you get as old as I am, partying with your friends isn't so appealing anymore," he quipped, and you let out a playful scoff. 

"Old? What are you? 25?"

"I turn 27 today, actually," he told you, and you were shocked, to say the least. He didn't look that old. Well, 27 wasn't old, but he looked like he was in his early 20s. Maybe it was the still fluffy tufts of blonde hair, the boyish face, or the sparkling blue eyes. 

"OK maybe you are old," you laughed, and Max put an exaggerated hand over his heart in mock offence. 

"Ouch, that hurt my ego," he exclaimed, and all you could do was laugh. Time seemed to slow down as the noise in the cafe died down, leaving the two of you as the only people in the space. God, your laugh was perfect. 

The way your eyes lit up and crinkled with the smile was nearly intoxicating. It was something his brain took a picture of and captured so that he could savour the moment again and again in his mind. 

The two of you ate, drank and enjoyed casual conversation for about an hour. The bill eventually came, and you both looked at eachother. "We can split?" you offered, and Max immediately shook his head. 

"No way, no. I am not letting you pay for your lunch on your birthday," he said.

"But it's your birthday too," you replied, a quizzical look on your face. Yes, the logic was flawed, but you liked the intention behind it. 

"Just... let me get this, please?" he softly pleaded, not knowing what other reason to give for wanting to buy you lunch. It was the gentlemanly thing to do, and what Max had always been taught to do when he was growing up.

There was always the factor of liking the idea of being able to provide nice things for people he cared about, to take care of them. Yes, he was skipping quite far ahead in your barely formed relationship, but it was still something that his mind threw at him. 

"Fine, fine," you relented. Something about those blue eyes just made you weak in the knees, and there was no way you'd be able to say not to him when he asked. Especially when he used that tone of voice. 

Max had a cocky grin on his face, liking how easy it was to get you to bend to what he wanted from you. He could already see it now, such an obedient little- no, Max, no. That was a thought for a different night. A completely different night. 

Max swiped his card through the machine, the transaction going through without a second thought. "So... do you want me to walk you home, or we can go for a walk...?" he stuttered, his confidence suddenly wavering. 

"We can go for a walk, sure," you nodded, wanting to spend more time with the Dutchman. 

As you left the restaurant, you walked side by side. The weather was surprisingly warm for this time in Autumn, the sun only being obscured by a few white clouds. There was practically no wind, and you were glad that you hadn't brought out your jacket. 

For a short while, you walked in silence, just enjoying having someone's company. You were both so used to spending your time alone in your own aggregation, but now it wasn't so bad being with someone else. 

You didn't have to talk to feel comfortable with him, and that was how you liked it. Words weren't always necessary in clear communication between two people. It just took a small glance your way and that little smile that told you he was enjoying being with you. 

"Marina?" you asked, looking out onto the slightly choppy water. Despite the boats that were teeming with people with more money than sense, it was a very peaceful atmosphere. You liked the way the water sounded, lapping at the wood of the docks. 

"Sure," Max nodded, also enjoying the time. He spent a lot of time on his own yacht, but he'd probably take you there another time. He could see you, waltzing around in a pretty summer dress under the high sun with a cocktail in your hand. 

He'd just get to lounge around on the deck chairs and watch you, admire you, worship you with his eyes. Yet again, Max was getting ahead of himself. Maybe he was thinking up his big birthday wish for this year. 

As you walked, your hands kept on brushing together. Every time your skin made contact, Max felt spark of electricity running through his veins. Slowly, Max reached out his pinky finger, entwining it with yours. 

You didn't shy away, but you also didn't make a bid to shorten the propinquity. He decided to bite the bullet, moving his hand closer so that he could intertwine his fingers fully with yours, your hands slotting together like two pieces of a puzzle. 

His hand was surprisingly warm compared you yours, the soft palm of your hand rubbing against the calloused skin of his own. Max was able to walk closer with you, your shoulders occasionally rubbing together.

As if subconsciously, Max's thumb started rubbing up and down, swiping over the cold skin. "Your hands are cold," he chuckled, squeezing yours gently. 

"Oh... Sorry," you apologised, trying to pull your hand away from yours.

"No, no, hey," he dismissed, grabbing your hand back and lacing your fingers together again. Max placed both your hand and his into his jacket pocket, and the warmth almost prickled on your skin. 

"Thank you," you smiled, holding his hand a little tighter. It seemed like having his hand in yours felt so right.

You walked a little longer, both glad that you were spending your birthdays in such a way. Two introverts, brought together by fate, both of the same mind. Neither needing conversation, but both needed a close proximity. 

Both of you noticed the clouds becoming thicker and greyer, blocking out the sun out and allowing the cool breeze to be felt. Then, without warning, it was like the heavens opened over Monaco.

Heavy droplets of rain poured down from the skies, and you and Max just stood there for a moment. "Erm... come on, this way," he said, pulling you along as your feet trod in puddles as the soaked through your shoes. 

"Max slow down!" you shouted between fits of giggles, your legs struggling to keep up with Max's long strides. 

"Shit, sorry," he laughed back, slowing down but still making haste through the pouring rain. Quickly stopping, he shrugged his coat off of his shoulders and held it over your head as you started running again. "We're nearly there," he told you, taking your hand and tugging you along with him again. 

All around you, people were rushing inside to the safety of cafes and shops, but you and Max kept on running through the rain. "Where are we going?" you asked, but received no answer. You were getting more soaked the more you ran, the rain drenching you through to the bone. 

It was cold, that was for sure. The only thing that was keeping you warm was the energy exerted from running. You weren't even that wet compared to Max, since he was sacrificing his jacket for the sake of trying to keep you somewhat dry. "In here!" he shouted, pulling you into an apartment building. 

"I hope this is OK, I should've asked, but I figured this'd be a good place to wait out the rain and then I can take you home," he mumbled, suddenly not so confident about having brought you where he had. 

"This your place?" you asked, taking in the opulent lobby. It was a pretty new building, and you and Max looked like drowned rats compared to everyone else in the room. 

"Yeah, it is," he nodded, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck as he held his sodden jacket in his other hand. "I hope that's OK..." he trailed off, not prepared for you to say no and leave.

"That's fine, yeah." you reassured, looking at him expectantly. He sent you a small smile, before walking off to the elevator. It was on the top floor, and you quickly learned that it was the penthouse suite of the complex. 

To say it was stunning was an understatement. It looked like something straight out of a damned catalogue. Marble surfaces, floor to ceiling windows. Hell, the place even smelled expensive. "Woah..." you said as you walked in. 

"Thank you," Max chuckled, taking in your stunned face as you looked around. "Do you wanna... borrow some clothes? I mean, yours are soaked through, and I don't want you getting sick, but I get-"

"Yeah, I'd like that. Thank you," you interrupted, and Max breathed a sigh of relief as he walked off. He ducked into his room and then into the master bathroom to leave his jacket to dry. He also quickly got changed into something comfier: just sweats and a hoodie. 

Ridling through his clothes, Max found the smallest things he owned, even if he thought they'd still be too big for you. "Hey, you can borrow these for as long as you need." he smiled, handing you a pair of sweatpants, a hoodie and a shirt. 

"Thanks, where should I leave my clothes?" 

"You can just put them over the radiator to dry, bathroom is down the hall and first on your left." he informed you, and you took yourself off to get changed. You practically had to peel your wet clothes off you, and the fell to the floor with a soggy thump.

You put your wet hair up in a bun, before slipping the garments on. All Max could do was laugh when you walked out. The clothes literally drowned you. The heels of the sweatpants dragged down by your heels, and the shirt and hoodie ended at your mid thighs. 

"Comfy?" he chuckled, trying to stifle a full blown cackle. He couldn't help but marvel at how cute you looked in his clothes, but he didn't want to make it something that he wanted to get used to before it had even began. 

"Very," you smiled, knowing he was laughing enough but were too warm to care.

"Come sit," Max said, walking over to the couch and patting the spot next to him. You did as he asked, plopping down in the empty space. "Do you want cake?" he randomly asked, and you narrowed your eyes at him.

"Cake? But we just ate lunch," you said, and Max rolled his eyes.

"Just wait," he sighed, getting off the couch and going off to the kitchen. You heard what you thought was the striking of a match, and in walked Max. "Happy joint birthday," he smiled, and you saw him with a half-eaten chocolate cake. 

The sparklers on top were '27', but he was covering up the '7' with his hand. "I know you're not 27, but I thought you'd wanna blow out some candles," he smiled, bringing the cake to you. 

"Awww," you blushed, touched by how sweet the gesture was. Even if he was presenting you with a half-eaten chocolate cake. 

"C'mon," he prompted, and you just smiled at him.

"You too, blow them out with me," you told him, and Max couldn't help but agree. "On three," you chuckled as he started to count down. "Make a wish," you whispered to him.

He was always asked what he wanted as his birthday wish, and he always said 'what could I want when I already have everything I desire?'. His friends would laugh it off as just Max being Max, but every year he spent without someone beside him, he longed for it a little more. He couldn't help but wonder if today had finally granted him his one perfect wish.

A/N - Happy birthday to Maxie! And to me! I know so many people with this birthday I swear, but happy birthday to the flying Dutchman (and me). Love y'all! 💖

|masterlist|

[wonysugar]

babydaddy jang wonyoung

now where do i even start with this…?? so much to unpack here

tags: lactation kink, breeding kink(?), g!p wonyoung, reader is a few months pregnant, the baby isn’t born yet this is simply wony shenanigans before that human being is fully formed!

wedding was lovely, cake was delectable, WIFE WAS PRETTY?? you were thriving

and luckily for you, on the honeymoon she just went batshit crazy on you, no really, she did! first 5 minutes upon walking into the hotel room and she was already deep inside you, fucking you ass up as she moaned out your name with pride,,, also making you uncover your mouth to hear every single one of your sounds coming out of your mouth, in unison with hers, lowkey wanting to show off to everyone in the other rooms that she was making you feel soooo good? she’s fucking her wife better than they ever would theirs, cause she’s… she’s rather competitive, you see! yes it made you rather shy, but it never hurt to step out of your comfort zone every once in a while!!

hence why, being married to wonyoung for over two years now, you’ve allowed yourself to be more open to things and experiment a lot more with her, you did things you wouldn’t necessarily do with her when you guys were dating,, for example, cockwarming! aheheh naturally

like… walking in on her doing her cute girly makeup in your guys’ room and then randomly asking her if you can sit on her cock later?? oh she gets hard on the spot i fear… and you obviously notice it and giggle to yourself; it’s poking right out of her skirt, how could you not notice it?

obviously, intrigued by the ideas you get and willing to do anything to please you, she always accepts. so, obviously, the cockwarming wasn’t an exception.

watching a horror movie on the couch and casually sitting on her hard cock, nonchalantly focused on the tv as if you weren’t literally SITTING ON HER? anywho, you were doing okay, just having a fun time and enjoying the film! she, on the other hand, was fighting only god knows what as she desperately tried not to grab you by the sides and just mindlessly pound into you. the way your walls clenched onto her whenever she moved around a tiny bit?? she was LOSING ITTT i tell you,,, so when a random jumpscare startled the both of you and caused you to jump, it was really hard to keep it in. ESPECIALLY with all of the thoughts she was getting of filling you up right then and there,,, not caring about the consequences,,

so she didn’t!! lol

if you asked her about it now, she’d cover her burning face and call it embarrassing, but yes; feeling you move around on her dick at that moment made her feel so good that she just couldn’t hold it in, she shot her load inside you.

it’s important to note that she was NOT wearing a condom! i mean, why would she?? you thought she was gonna be able to keep it together, you’re just watching a movie, after all! so why would she wear a condom for this?? you laughed it off and properly fucked her as an apology that day afterwards lol everything was fine and dandy

until the answer to that question came back up to you about three weeks later!!

womp womp guess tf what bitch!! you’re pregnant with jang wonyoung’s baby

“…what?” she stared at you blankly, still trying to process the crucial piece of information you just dropped on her on a random tuesday morning.

you sighed, trying to hide your nervousness, “that’s what the test says—“

“baby what do you mean you’re pregnant???”

now what?? no genuinely.. wonyoung’s panicking, you’re panicking, what the fuck were you supposed to do? were you guys even ready to have a child?? you had to worry about that just cause of a silly idea you had originally, you didn’t think it would end up this bad????

but turns out that it actually WASN’T as bad! considering you guys had enough money, a house in a safe environment, it was gonna work out. plus, it’s not like your sex life deteriorated. quite the opposite in fact, considering she… for some reason… found you so much sexier a few months into your pregnancy?

oh don’t get her wrong she’s always found you hot as all hell all throughout your relationship, but pregnant??? that turned on a switch she didn’t even know existed. watching you take off your tanktop before getting into bed led her to secretly thinking about all sorts of things, things you’d do to her, things she’d to you. lots of things!

until it wasn’t so secret anymore.

“my love, what do you think breast milk tastes like?”

you almost choke on your glass of water, furrowing your eyebrows at her, “…what??? i— i don’t know?” you laughed, before joking, “if you’re really that curious, you could always try and see for yourself, wonyoung.”

she didn’t take that as a joke, and you knew that.

the way her cock went rigid to the mere thought told you everything you needed to know.

so! being the amazing wife that you are, you let her try it. you let her suck on your tits during sex until milk leaked from her mouth. it was a cute request, so how could you say no to that? especially with how excited she seemed.

giving you hickeys everywhere around your neck and collarbone, eventually going down to your chest which has been restricted territory for a while, until now, of course. her tongue impatiently roaming around your tits, you could feel her slightly poking at your leg. it was adorable.

she got so into it, she’d nod eagerly whenever you said something similar to “does my pretty princess want mommy’s milk? hm?” looking up at you with desperate eyes as she whined against your soft skin.

and so she’d pull away from your chest minutes later, your milk coating her lips and slightly leaking from her mouth; what a sight. it got you so inexplicably turned on that you couldn’t keep waiting, you just had to ride her.

“c-come on baby, put another baby inside me, yeah?” was what’d you say as she moaned and grunted your name! :]

[c0llisiion]

— you’re the only one thats holding me down. (j.jk)

pure angst cus im feeling romantical ;3 w/c : 1,075

 Silence hung in the air. There was a palpable tension between the two of you as you sat on the opposite ends of the couch. It was another argument. But it also wasn’t like the others. There was no screaming, yelling, pleading, or even begging. It’s like you both knew where this was going to end up. A mutual understanding, but this one hurt like hell. Oh, it hurt. You knew what he wanted to say. You know him well enough to know what's going on in his mind. You know everything about him. His likes and dislikes. His pet peeves. Everything. You steal a glance at Jungkook. His head was tilted back against the soft couch cushions that you both picked out. His arm was around his waist, hand-adorning the custom cartier bracelet that he bought for both of you on your first anniversary, with both of your initials carved on it. It was a small relief to your aching heart that he still cared about you in some way. But the truth behind your relationship was enough to ruin it.

He slowly opened his eyes and sighed. “How long are we going to be sitting here?” You kept your gaze low and shrugged. Truth be told, you didn’t want this to end. You were aware of the fact that this will be the last day you will be able to call Jungkook yours, and you wanted to savor every single moment, even if it’s sitting in silence. Jungkook straightened himself and spoke softly. “I'm sorry you had to find out this way.” He was surprised by the way you acted when you found out he was in love with someone else. I mean. It was obvious. He had become distant. He never cared to check up on you the way he did. He would refuse to touch you; his kisses didn't feel the same; his lingering hugs felt empty and devoid of any warmth or affection. And all those arguments. The arguments, where you would beg for him to stop being so aloof, and every time his response would be nonchalant and vague. Your tears seemed to not affect him like they used to. He would keep a blank face as you were on your knees, begging for him to stay, as tears were rolling down your rosey cheeks.

It was like he was gaslighting himself to be in love with you, and in that way, it hurt both of you to an extent. Way harder than if he had just told you that he was in love with someone else, and so both of you can move on. But he had made the choice to stay and keep feeding you mock love, and that's what pains you. If only he had told you, you wouldn’t be in this state. You sighed and looked at him. “We both know where this is going to land.” You speak. Guilt was written all over his face, and he couldn’t even look at you. He knew he was in the wrong for leading you on for so long.

You could see the look in his eyes. You weren’t going to beg him to stay this time. You weren’t going to fight for your relationship. You were tired of putting your self-respect away for a man who stopped caring about you. “Tell me, what happened? What went wrong?” Jungkook ran his fingers through his hair and looked at you before shakily speaking up. “I … i guess it just happened… I tried convincing myself that it was not real and I was just feeling things… but i couldn’t help it…” It's true when they say nothing lasts forever. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why would you put me through all that pain?” Jungkook shook his head. “I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, okay? I didn’t want you to feel even more insecure. I just- i just made a mistake…” You narrowed your eyes at his words. “So you resorted to keeping me blind to all of that… wow real mature of you.” You said it bitterly.

You knew you had finally and officially lost the jungkook you once fell in love with. years, days, and nights of love and happiness he showered you with. The sweet words he would say to you every night. The fantasies of getting married and having kids, living in a big house together…. all down the drain. Your heart ached so badly. You tried holding back your tears as your brain showed you all the memories you made with him. “i don’t know what you want me to do.” His words seem to be empty. Not even a small ounce of care was in it. You sighed shakily and spoke up. “ lets break up. ” You said it. The words you promised to never say to him, you finally said. You said the words that you knew he dreaded, you said them.

Jungkook looked at you, stunned, for a second before lowering his head. He knows there was no salvaging. He didn’t want you to go through another pain cycle. What you both once had could never come back, and what hurt him the most was that it was his fault. But he couldn't admit it. Jungkook nodded before standing up. “I… understand.” You watch him walk away to your once shared bedroom. The bedroom where both of you made love. The bedroom where he would hold you close and make you forget about everything. And now it will stand empty, with one half cold. You expected him to protest, beg you to stay, or at least say a few extra words of affection, but nothing. It was hurtful to watch someone fall in love with you, be in love with you, and then fall out of love with you. You refused to look at him or acknowledge him. You fought back tears as you could hear him packing his things. He eventually walked out with a suitcase and duffle bag. You still refused to look at him, but you could feel him stare at you. He let out a loud sigh. “I will come back to get the rest of my things…” he waits for you to reply but no answer. “…goodbye… then…” he says very quietly before turning away and walking to the front door. You finally glance up as he walks away, the gold bracelet still hanging around his wrist. 

A/n: TYSM 4 READING!! this was my first time writing only and pure angst💀 HOW WAS IT?! fr turning into a jk centered blog 😭 please send in some rqs of other members too! I js don’t know what to write for them 💔 you can check out my rules to see who else i write <3

[actual-changeling]

this one is thanks to a post by @thegroovyfool because she is very much correct - we do not talk about aziraphale's "i need you" enough.

so once again, with a deep breath and a sigh, welcome back to alex's unhinged meta corner, where i tear apart the confession scene frame by frame. i'm gonna say, watching this particular clip over and over and focusing on aziraphale's face almost took me out.

let's get into it.

first, how about a little look at our starting point. (any blurry screencaps are due to a LOT of movement on michael's part rip)

crowley is very pointedly facing away from him, he turned after aziraphale said "we can be together - angels!", presumably because being offered exactly what he wants in the one way he cannot have it fried his brain, cause besties it surely fried mine.

aziraphale on the other hand looks openly desperate, which is why he says "i need you." more on that later. let's have a look at how he says it, because michael "microexpressions" sheen is putting in the work.

to me, he seems close to tears, his eyes are glistening in that specific "i'm about to cry my eyes out" way i know from looking in the mirror while crying

he is trying to get crowley to listen to him and to turn around. he wants crowley to face him, which is something most people tend to want during an argument. talking to someone who is not looking at you tends to make someone frustrated and like they're not hearing you/do not care about what you have to say.

aziraphale looks close to despair, his i need you is a plea to crowley to come with him. he is opening himself up not just emotionally but physically, too.

he slightly leans forward, his arms are raised and seem to both slightly grasp for crowley and point towards his chest/heart for emphasis. the pure pain visible on his face knocks the air out of me every single time i look at it.

aziraphale is admitting to needing him, something he has never done before, hell, he has told him the exact opposite on numerous occasions. i don't need you. and while they both knew it was a) a lie and b) a way for him to deal with his conflicting emotional standpoints and cognitive dissonance, it still hurt crowley every. single time.

crowley was there for him no matter what, he knows aziraphale needs him but he came back and remained at his side even when he was pushed away and more or less openly insulted. he endured it all.

aziraphale saying i need you now is pretty much a slap in the face but also what crowley needs to hear. as with everything that happens during the entire conversation, the timing is fucked up and they're talking past each other.

in my opinion, that is why crowley does not react.

only when aziraphale turns spiteful and starts questioning his understanding (aka calling him stupid without outright saying it) does he re-enter the conversation.

aziraphale, however, is upset. now, i will put on my tinhat for just a second and turn up the insanity because there are two more things i want to talk about.

first, the little stutter at the beginning.

"i ngk - i need you."

my question is - why? why does he stumble over these words in particular when it does not happen with any other sentence? the only other time is right after crowley walks away with his "good luck", he stumbles over crowley's name.

so, in short, it happens when he is either caught off-guard or saying something incredible emotional.

and this, everyone, is where i go unhinged in my interpretation.

what if he initially did not want to say "i need you?" what if he was so caught up in getting crowley to stay/come with him that he did not think and almost confessed another three word sentence?

what if he was about to say "i love you" but stopped himself because no, that's too direct, they don't do that, they can't do that. it goes against EVERYTHING they have silently build over the last six thousand years. so he chokes on it. he chokes on it and instead he says "i need you" because it means the same thing.

i need you. don't leave me. come with me. be an us. go off together.

i forgive you. i love you.

they say it over and over again because that's the only way they can say it.

that is why aziraphale is so angry and upset after saying it. he told crowley he loves him, he needs him, and all he got in return was silence.

the funny part is that this code may have worked before, but it no longer does. crowley is too hurt to listen to what aziraphale is trying to tell him, and aziraphale is equally as hurt and also not listening anymore.

the funny part is that it stopped being about love and started being about sides again. my side, your side, our side. choose a side, choose our side, choose me.

the funny part is that beelzebub and gabriel told them what they need to do, i found something that mattered more to me than choosing sides.

[sl0t4matt]

k. yildiz bf! headcanons

thank you to the person requesting i’ve been meaning to write abt him, he’s so underrated!!!



❀ bf! kenan, who was your best friend before you even started dating.

❀bf! kenan, who’s family tried to set the both of you up just because they loved you so much.

❀ bf! kenan that you were first sceptical about when he confessed his love for you, since you knew your friend doesn’t do relationships and usually has 5 different situation-ships. you never want to be just an option for him.

❀ “please, y/n just one chance i wouldn’t say this if i didn’t mean it, i would never want to throw our friendship away like that.” the truth was that you also liked him, but you knew you could never get in a serious relationship with him, according to the way he acts.

❀ he had to explain to you somehow that he does means it seriously, so soon enough he brought you to your favourite place. the place you and kenan had been going to since you were younger. the beach. he told you everything. from how he had always loved you but kept denying himself to now. he counts every single thing about you that makes him love you, naming even little things like how your nose would get all scrunched up when you found something cringey.

❀bf! kenan, that has always been the sweetest with kids and loves to play with them.

❀bf! kenan, that would tell you all about the new football players he’s been meeting. you’re so proud of him for making it this far.

❀ bf! kenan, that would call you turkish pet names like: askim, kalbim, güzelim.

❀ bf! kenan, who buys you a ticket for his games wether you ask or not. he just loves having and seeing you there. it also gives him way more of a want to score, knowing you’re there. you don’t exactly mind it, considering you always loved watching football ever since you were younger. (always watching it with you brother and dad) but now you especially do because it’s your boyfriend that��s on the field. of course you’re scared for his safety on every one of his matches but that just goes with it.

❀ bf! kenan, that takes you out out on fancy dinner dates every time he can, treating you like the complete opposite of his pervious situation-ships. of course him paying for the both of you. he thinks no woman should ever have to pay for a date. he’s a big gentleman with you.

❀ bf! kenan, that buys you cute lingerie. if he’s the only one to see it, might as well buy it!

❀ bf! kenan, that you would poke in the ribs and tickle every time you see the opportunity to. he’s the most ticklish person you’ve ever met, that makes it so funny for you doing it.

❀ bf! kenan, who only lets you do his eyebrow-cut because one: he doesn’t trust anyone enough to and two: he once fucked up bad doing it himself when he you weren’t there, so he’s scared to do it again. you never were one to moan about it, though. you knew he was shit at stuff like that.

❀ bf! kenan, who’s love language is kissing your neck, leaving you with loving marks.

❀ bf! kenan, that puts his controller away only for you, no one else. there were days where you would sit on his lap while he played his weekly fifa sessions with his teammates. you would grind your butt on him, teasingly to let him know to stop and he immediately did, almost jumping out of the chair.

❀ bf kenan, that takes you with him to turkey whenever the world cup starts. not only focussing on his upcoming games but also his girlfriend. he would take you to all different type of places. from the city to the small homey like towns beside the city.

[erwinsmithsmissingleftarm]

How long aot men last during the No Nut November

Including: Levi, Erwin, Jean, Eren, Armin & Reiner

Cw: mention of dub-con for Levi's part

Levi:

Doesn't give a fuck about the challenge, it's not true that he will restrict himself from fucking his girlfriend. At the second you ask him about the No Nut November challenge, he will grab you and bend you over the table.

"I don't give a damn fuck about this challenge! I was virgin for years so it's not true that I will do that again."

He will make you fail with him, fucking you like a wild beast at the very first day of the challenge. I mean... did you really expected Levi to get into such a useless and stupid challenge? Levi isn't ashamed to say that he didn't even try to last a single day. He even finds it funny seeing his friends struggling to keep going. And to be even more stubborn, he will do the exact opposite of the challenge by trying to fuck you every day for a whole month. Hope you have the stamina darling!

Erwin:

Will probably be able to last  all month (which is obviously longer than you). The only thing that can make him fail is actually... you. You just have to beg him to fuck you and man, he will lose it. He could have keep going without sex for longer but he can't see his little girl all needy for him.

"Are you sure? I thought you wanted to accomplish the challenge. Well, I give up if you give up."

Will proceed to grab you and throw you into the bed before crawling between your legs and undressing you both. Strong arms spreading your legs as you let out a moan when your two bodies connect together. So many days without this feeling of pleasure... you deserve it.

Jean:

Even with his big ass ego, he can just last for one week. Jean was sure that he could win the challenge without any efforts but... he learned at this moment that you were too much tempting. Always wearing those little skirts or shorts that let him see everything every time you bend to grab something or the too revealing neckline that showed a little piece of the fabric of your bra.

"Fuck, how can I accomplish the challenge if you don't stop teasing me?"

Will be a bit self-ashamed when he will wake up one morning naked in the bed beside you. Dammit, he had a good start but you managed to win against him. Jean will be a bit disappointed at the beginning but finally he will tell himself that the challenge is stupid anyway and that fucking you is way better.

Eren:

Four to five days is the longer Eren can last. It started well but quickly became difficult for him. This man is love-sick with you and you guys got habits that are difficult to destroy. That's why on the 4th day the sexual frustration started to be feel by both of you.

"God damn, why can't I stop fantazing about you?"

You both say that at the same time before starting to laugh. There is no embarrassment between you two since a long time so you just both gave up at the same time before having an intense seance on the kitchen table. What's better than having sex with your lover? That feeling of ectasy can't be replaced by anything else in the world.

Armin:

Armin is such a sweet boy that he didn't even know what's the No Nut November challenge. Once explained to him, he turned red and quietly nodded, telling you that he will accomplish it. But about 3 weeks after, you caught him right during his jerking off seance. Oh god, poor boy was so embarrassed and ashamed of himself.

"I-I'm sorry! I just had a... thought and it just... kinda happened."

Please, reassure him and tell him that it is okay or he will feel bad forever. Armin was truly sure that you will be mad at him but call him a good boy and praise him. Let me remind you that this baby is into mommy kink and praise kink so he will 100% melt and forget about it.

Reiner:

Pretty much like Erwin, he is able to last all month but he won't even lose against you. No matter how much you beg him to fuck you, he will remind you about the challenge and it's supposely "benefic"effect. Unfortunately for you, Reiner has a lower sex drive than you so he doesn't get sexually frustrated after the 3 first weeks.

"You can do what you want, honey, but I will try to win the challenge."

Finally, it's the first of December, and you can finally do the deed. You two officially managed to get through November succesfully (even if you almost gave up once). Even Reiner found it more difficult than what he originally thought but you can reward yourselves by having intense love-making seance of many rounds to get all this frustration out of you.

[perlelune]

no body, no crime | Coriolanus Snow | xi.

Your childhood friend returns from his exile in district 12, but he's not the sweet, quiet boy you once knew anymore.

Warnings: NON-CON, Plinth!Reader, Gaslighting, Drugging, Murder, Forced Marriage, Forced Pregnancy, Loss of Virginity, Somnophilia

This is a dark story. Heed warnings before reading under the cut.

𝖘𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖘 𝖒𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙

Hugging your frame, you retreat.

“I think you should leave Coriolanus.”

Your parents frown. He shakes his head.

“I’m not gonna let you deal with this on your own, princess.”

As he reaches for you, you shy away from him. 

“I’d rather be alone forever than be anywhere near you.”

His sky gaze clouds over with anger, the hand falling at his side slowly clenching into a fist.

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do, actually.”

Coriolanus gasps. A look of hurt spreads across his features as he gapes at you like you stabbed him in the chest. This is an expression you’ve never seen him wear. You grow uneasy. He turns to your parents and sighs.

“I told you she’d react this way,” he says, sounding dejected. “Between the hormones and…everything else I told you about. I knew she’d be in denial.”

Strabo squeezes his shoulder.

“It’s alright, son. It’s not your fault,” you father says, giving a forlorn smile.

Your mother’s eyes shimmer with concern as she looks at you.

“Sweetie, everyone cares about you here. If we just sat down and-”

A wave of irate heat surges through you. It begins in the pit of your stomach, swelling as you watch Coriolanus’ interactions with your parents. The way they comfort him, hug him. Like he’s more their child than you are. The prodigal son they always wanted.

After all, you are the throwaway child, you’re viciously reminded. The District 2 orphan they graciously took in who never quite met their expectations. Tragically lacking at every turn. A disappointment.

Your palms tingle as your blood starts to boil.

You rush down the stairs.

“No! Ma, Dad…” You seize your mother’s hand. “He lied to me, did things to me. He kept me in his house. He-”

Coriolanus’ brows thread, his eyes misting over with unshed tears.

“If you need to make me the villain in your story to make this okay, princess. Go ahead.” A mirthless chuckle floats from his lips. Once more, he looks at you like you’re the one causing him great hurt, not the opposite. His shoulders slump. “I’ll be the villain if that’s what you need.” He rubs his eyes, sadness twisting his features as he talks to your parents. “I’m sorry. I never realized it’d be this…difficult for her to accept what happened between us.”

“Nothing happened between us!” you shout, tears of frustration pressing behind your eyes.

He scoffs, blue gaze flicking over your belly. “Nothing?”

Your mother cups your face, her expression puzzled. “So Coriolanus isn’t…the father? You two never-” She glances at him then you. “Is William the father of your child then, sweetie?” She caresses your cheek. “We’re not judging you. We just want answers.”

You chew on your lip. Your attention darts from him to your mother, your insides clutching. A lie sizzles your tongue, nearly spilling in desperation, but you quell it. What would be the point? Your mother’s always known you wanted to wait. That was the plan, initially. And William isn’t the one you spent every day with for the last few weeks. Your parents are also aware of that fact.

There’s no doubt who the father is. They know it. You know it. And from the smug way he’s standing by your parents’ side, he also knows it.

“No, it…it can’t be William. It’s Coriolanus,” you admit begrudgingly. The words alone ache as they skip off your tongue. A single tear rolls down your cheek. “But he lied to me, Ma. So much.”

She tilts her head.

“Lied about what?”

Your eyes flood with tears.

“The night of the party, Sejanus-”

Your father’s thunderous voice interrupts your tearful confession.

“Enough!” he curtly rumbles. “You dare bring your brother into this? When Coriolanus was the only real friend he made all these years?”

A shocked exhale leaves your throat. You shake your head, hastily wiping your tears.

“Dad, you don’t understand-”

 “You’re not a child anymore!” he bellows.

His razor-sharp tone has you leap back in fright.

Your voice comes out small.

“Dad?”

He heaves out a deep sigh, pulling out his breast pocket square to dab the fat beads of sweat that have formed on his forehead.

“However this happened, it did.” He takes a deep breath. “Whatever mistakes were made, a child is involved now. A small, innocent child. My grandchild. I will not hear anymore about this senseless teenage drama.” You deflate, your eyes growing wide. The finality in your father’s words pulverizes the last shred of hope within you. “And I will not let my own daughter drag our house into further ruin after losing my only son.” Your father winces, his hand clawing his chest. His knees buckle and he starts sinking onto the floor. Your mother and Coriolanus rush to his side. Your jaw drops. All the color drains from his face. Your mother starts weeping. You go to your father, helping him sit in the living room with your mother and Coriolanus as he takes large gulps of air. It lasts a while, long, horrifying minutes, his wheezing breaths causing your own pulse to race. You begin to wonder if you'll lose a father on top of a brother.

“Breathe, Dad, please…” you whimper, holding his hand.

After some time, it thankfully stops. Your father’s exhales slow down and he regains some color. Relief fills you. You genuinely thought you were about to see your father die right before you.

“Take it easy, Mr. Plinth.”

“Honey, your heart…”

Strabo waves off his wife and Coriolanus as they fuss over him.

“I’m fine,” he assures, his frown returning. His disapproving stare cuts into you. You shrink. “You’re an adult now and you need to start acting like it.”

Your mouth opens then clamps shut. You don’t want to upset him again, not when the argument from before sent him in such a state.

You lower your head. “Y-Yes, dad.”

“Sit down,” he instructs.

“O-Okay.”

You take a dour seat on the opposite couch. 

“Coriolanus, you sit down too,” he adds.

Your stomach sinks. The blond’s eyes find yours across the room. Your father is still recovering, hand on his chest, and your mother is too busy caring for your father. None of them see what you do. The winning glint dancing in his blue orbs and the almost imperceptible smirk as he sits next to you on the couch.

“Of course, Mr. Plinth.”

Once your father is better, he and Coriolanus start discussing the logistics of your new…situation. The entire conversation is a vivid nightmare, making you question your own sanity. You are there, but might as well not be, with the matter-of-fact way your future is being discussed as if everything is already set in stone. 

Your heart skips a beat when Coriolanus promises your parents to marry you before the fall. He says he wants to do it quickly to avoid any gossip, before you start showing, but also provide enough time to make it grand and memorable. It’s a stark contrast to what you and William had in mind. A small, intimate gathering of only your parents and a few of William’s closest friends. You both decided you only really needed the other in the end.

Coriolanus however sounds like he wants the entire Capitol to watch him slip a ring on your finger. 

Your insides curl in horror.

The moment living arrangements are brought up, your heart races.

“I can’t move in with the Snows,” you interject, shocked by what your father just suggested. Though, it shouldn’t surprise you. Your father’s a traditionalist. Of course, he’d agree with Coriolanus that you should move out of their home and swiftly into his.

“You will have no choice. We’re selling the house.” 

You bolt to your feet, your brows grazing your hairline.

“What?”

“The paperwork is already signed.” Your father crosses his arms. “We are moving on the floor below theirs. I had the entire place renovated. It’s quite spectacular, you’ll see.”

A humorless laugh escapes from your throat.

“You can’t be serious.”

“It’ll be good, sweetheart. A fresh start,” your mother assures, rising to clutch your hands in hers. Her hopeful smile sends a wave of queasiness through you.

Your father’s gaze narrows.

“Coriolanus has graciously agreed to salvage your virtue by taking your hand in marriage…or whatever’s left of it, I suppose. You should be grateful he’s allowing you to save face. Many men would shirk the responsibility. You are lucky it was him.”

Your mind races, a million thoughts crowding it at once. 

“When is this move supposed to occur?”

“The entire house will be empty by the end of the week.”

Your breath catches. You give a slow, acrid nod.

“So it’s all been decided. I don’t get a say.” You snicker, backing away from your mom, backing away from all of them. This is a madhouse. Your brother died and they all lost their minds.

…Except for him.

He looks far too content with himself not to understand what he’s done to you, what he’s still doing to you. How could you be stupid enough to trust Coriolanus Snow?

You still remember the way he was at the Academy. Always observing, gauging, weighing in every situation to figure out what to do or say to get himself ahead. Always looking out for himself. You saw things in him that were never there. And now you’re paying the consequences.

“I don’t even know why you asked me to be here. Clearly, as always, you know best, Dad.”

“Sweetie…”

You slap away your mother’s tentative hand. Her mouth falls as heartbreak fills her eyes.

“May I be excused, Father?” you snap.

“You may,” he replies with a similar tone.

Turning your back to everyone in the room, you make a beeline for your room. 

The faint knock on your door is ignored as you bury your head further in your pillow. You don’t want to talk to anyone right now. No one in this house anyway. You have been betrayed. Sold out. Abandoned. By your own parents, no less. If Janus were here, this wouldn’t have happened, you’re sure of it. He always stood for what’s right. He never let anyone hurt you. He’d have never doubted a word coming out of your mouth. Your brother’s death left you prey to a monster.

“You shouldn’t have left the way you did. I knew you weren’t ready.”

Your head whips up. Adrenaline pours in your blood as you find Coriolanus leaning against your bedroom door. He locks it shut and you sit up immediately.

“All of this could have been avoided.”

“Leave me alone,” you hiss, shrinking in a corner of your bed.

Coriolanus frees a long, weary breath. He takes sluggish steps across your room. You tense when he sits on your bed. His deceptively soft voice propels ice in your veins.

“Like I said before, it doesn’t have to be like this. You’re making this harder than it has to be, princess.” He strokes your ankle. Bile rises in your throat. “I’ll be a good husband, a good father. I’ll take care of you, just like I promised.”

“How can you even be sure I’m pregnant?” you chance, hoping to erode that frustrating certitude laced in his tone. “It was just two or t-three times. It could be a mistake…”

A lopsided slant tugs his lips skywards.

“A mistake? After all the time I spent making sure it takes?” Befuddlement knits your brows. A chilling expression settles over the blond’s features. He chuckles. “Oh princess, god you are so sweetly naive. It wasn’t just three times.” A sinking feeling spreads through you. Coriolanus inches close to you, a small smile creeping on his face. “You know me, I’m a lot more thorough than that.”

You tremble, disarmed by his statement.

“What do you mean? It was. I remember…”

He arches his brow. “Do you?” Coriolanus cocks his head, fondling the side of your face. “You know, you look so pretty when you sleep. Vulnerable, defenseless. You also make such lovely noises. I mean, how could one resist…” You shudder, your eyes growing wide as saucers. “I’m glad the tea helped you find rest. You seemed so at peace. Like that sleeping princess in the fairytale. You never stirred, never woke up, never screamed. Not even once. You just kept making those sweet little noises…” His smile broadens, crooked and taunting. “Like you couldn’t get enough of it.”

You gasp and leap from your bed. The implication behind his words makes your head throb, queasiness engulfing your entire being.

All those times you awoke feeling strange, your body tired in a way that didn’t make sense. 

Now it makes all the ghastly sense.

A sinkhole opens beneath you, the blood seeming to drain from your body all at once.

You stagger backwards until your back collides with the wall, the only thing keeping you on your feet as your knees threaten to give out.

You let out a shaky breath.

“Get out of my room.”

“I’ll come back tomorrow,” he announces matter-of-factly as he gets to his feet. He sighs. “Hopefully you’ll have calmed down so we can have the rest of your things moved to the penthouse.”

As your quivering frame clings to the wall, Coriolanus snorts.

“Cheer up, princess. You have a bright future ahead of you. I can already see us. Me as President and you as my beautiful First Lady. They will love you, I know it. Especially in the districts.”

“You’re…”

“Crazy?” he finishes. He approaches you. You’re paralyzed as he frames your jaw and articulates, “Not crazy. Focused.” His thumb skims over your bottom lip. “Which means when I want something, I usually get it.” His eyes twinkle. “Snow lands on top.”

He drops a quick kiss on your cheek.

“See you tomorrow, princess,” he chimes. You remain still until he unlocks the door and disappears through it. When he’s gone, you let yourself crash onto the floor, unable to hold yourself up anymore.  

You listen for the car outside, the sign of Coriolanus’ departure. Once the revving of the vehicle stops, only silence remaining, you make a mental checklist. You set aside the turmoil inside you, bottling every emotion tight. A warm coat. The sturdiest boots in your closet. Perhaps a dress or two. Sensible pants. Just in case. That stash of money Dad hides beneath a drawer in his study in case of emergencies. What else do you need? 

The more you mull it over, the more determined you become.

In a few hours, Coriolanus will return to take you away. He will not find you.

You will make sure of it.

As you rush through the cold streets of the Capitol, you keep pulling on the hood of your coat. Your panicked gaze darts across the night, your heart jumping every time so much as an alley cat crosses your path. Paranoia creeps in, making your nerves flare and your heart drum. 

What if Coriolanus had you followed? What if he was just waiting around a corner to drag you back to his house? Nothing is impossible nowadays. It might be silly but even as you snuck outside your childhood home, eyes seemed to trail your every step. Still, even as you peer around you, you find nothing but darkness crowding your sight. 

Your feet bounce as you linger on the doorstep. You hesitate before knocking, your fear and insecurities colliding inside you. You tremble as the chilly wind seeps through your coat. This could go so horribly wrong. You were so stupid. 

It would make all the sense in the world if he turned his back on you now. You wouldn’t even blame him. It’s what you deserve.

But before you can brace yourself to knock again, the door opens in front of you.

Overwhelmed with emotions, you toss your arms around him.

“William!”

He doesn’t move at first, frightfully still as you latch onto him. Your chest wrenches. Did you lose him as you feared? 

However, to your utter surprise, his warm, familiar hand sweeps over your back.

He lifts your chin.

“What’s going on…Are you okay?”

Whatever resentment he may have held onto, there is nothing but fondness and worry glistening in his forest gaze now. As if you never ripped his heart from his chest. As if you never left his loving embrace.

You grip the lapels of his shirt.

“William, I know what I said. I know you probably hate me…but I need to leave this place. Tonight.” Your voice warps with tears. “And I don’t want to do it alone.”

His brows draw together, confusion painted on his boyish features. He steps back to check you over. “Wait, slow down. Did something happen? Are you hurt?”

“I’m pregnant.”

William stares at you for a long time. Shock, hurt and a million other emotions fleet across his face. Guilt flickers through you. You should have had this conversation with him a while ago.

He bites on his thumb and chuckles but it’s bereft of any amusement. He paces across the room for a while, looking at everything but you. Your heart shatters as you watch him. You didn’t want to put him through this.

He stops in front of you eventually, his mouth tight and his gaze sharp.

“Tell me everything. For once, I want the truth.”

“William, we don’t have time. In a few hours-”

He cuts you off sternly. “I’m not going anywhere with you until you talk to me.”

Your shoulders sag.

“Right, that’s fair.” You gnaw on your lip. “I-I just don’t know where to start.”

He closes the door behind you. You let him take your hand and escort you to the living room. He points for you to sit across from him. William studies you, his hands joined in front of his face. His intense stares bears a hole into you. You fidget, wondering what he’s thinking. His face is hard to read. 

William releases a deep breath before running a hand through his tousled curls.

“How about you start at the beginning?” he says, his eyes diving into yours.

[celaenaeiln]

I literally can't take it anymore. I need to get this out of my system. This is a hate-rant about why almost every single thing Tom Taylor has written is wrong.

First and foremost is the bimbofication of Dick Grayson. Tom Taylor loves to write him like this idiot who doesn't think at all. Being cheerful does not mean being dumb.

Nightwing (2016) Issue #79

"You seem unusually contemplative"? All Dick does is contemplate!

Nightwing (1996) Issue #3

His mind is always running!

Nightwing (2011) Issue #13

Nightwing (2016) Issue #38

I just picked a random issue from all of these comics and in every single one of these, Dick's planning, thinking, and strategising constantly.

Tom Taylor literally treats him like he's stupid or something.

Also the degradation of his abilities

Nightwing (2016) Issue #79

A vigilante for 20 years. Who has faced assassins, hitmen, psychos, surprise attacks, metas, and you're telling me he didn't know that a untrained kid snuck up and stole from him?

He forgot who he was, he didn't forget where he lived! Even when he was Ric Grayson, Dick had procedural memory. His battle instincts stayed with him.

Nightwing (2016) Issue #52

"Then...I didn't even know what I was doing. I took him down--took him apart in seconds."

This man is a vigilante machine when he was amnesic. Why the heck would Dick ever let his guard down?

His robin reference

Nightwing (2016) Issue #92

Even Bruce in Batman: Hush has said it-Dick was the best. His skills were the best of anyone he's witnessed which is one of the reasons why Bruce let him be Robin in the first place.

This scene is so wrong that there's a robin scene that came out before this in direct opposition of this Tom Taylor Shitshow.

Robin & Batman Issue #1

This was actually pre-robin. Bruce had him do a solo-trial run to see his skill before he made him Robin and this was the result. Compare that to Tom Taylor's scene and the result is humiliating. For Taylor.

Tom Taylor's version of trying to show that Dick loves the people comes off as him hating crime-fighting. RIP the whole Robin firing drama and Nightwing birth i guess.

Nightwing (2016) Issue #79

"We could have avoided all of this if we'd just stayed in and eaten kibble."

Nightwing (1996) Issue #3

Dick would rather die than stop crime-fighting. After Blockbuster's first attempt, his life was hanging on by a thread and he still continued crime fighting.

Nightwing (1996) Issue #91

After Blockbuster blew up his apartment, this is the single-minded determination Dick had to continue crime-fighting. This is him at one of the worst lows of his life but he refused to give up but now? He has everything and Dick wants to ignore the murder of a child to stay inside and eat kibble which - what the heck? I know he's seen as a happy character but him finding dog-food desirable is too far!

Also the idiocy of which Tom Taylor had Barbara calling the cops in Bludhaven for a stolen wallet. Newsflash! This isn't her first rodeo here.

Nightwing (2016) Issue #81

vs

Nightwing (2016) Issue #24

Nightwing (2011) Issue #23

Given how Dick's easily defeated enhanced metas and "very good" fighters, him falling down the stairs is a little to absolutely impossible to believe.

Another thing I love about Dick that Tom Taylor deciminates is his grace. Dick is the most graceful person in DC. His balance easily matches Selina's enhanced cat powers.

But yet. You have.

Nightwing (2016) Issue #83

Nightwing (2011) Issue #23

yeah. okay.

Taylor's motorbike scenes of Dick make me so mad. The boy is a pro at crazy. It's one of his best traits because he does the wildest stunts and he pulls it off.

Nightwing (2016) Issue #93

Nightwing (1996) Issue #86

He lands on his feet. He grabbed a villain mid-air, crashed into a window, and was perfectly fine. Actually no, he's not fine because he's worried about his bike's paint job.

Nightwing (2011) Issue #24

He just sailed over a whole crowd of people and started kicking butt like what he just did wasn't extraordinary - which for him is just another tuesday.

Nightwing (2016) Issue #95

yeah, tell 'er Dick.

He doesn't need someone to hold his bike.

One of the worst things in Taylor's run is how Blockbuster went down. It suddenly reminded me of Selina's stupid ideology which is why I think I got so ticked off.

Nightwing (2016) Issue #96

Blockbusters' thugs loyalty to him isn't a make it or break it deal. He's one of strongest criminal organisations and the knowledge that he owns one of the worst prisons that he could easily put his underlings into would've instilled fear into his thugs, not freedom. Furthermore Blockbuster takes good care of his people that don't piss him off. He teamed up with Nightwing in the scarecrow era in Nightwing (2016) because someone was messing with his people. He's extremely intelligent and superstrong, and he's not just going to be brought down by the knowledge that he owns a prison. It's Bludhaven. If he didn't, then there would be something suspicious given that he runs the city. It's the way Taylor dumbs down Bludhaven's villains that gets to me. Imagine him writing Batman (2016). It's like saying, "yeah the Joker was just a little misguided but he found the right way again after a stern talking to by Batman."

Nightwing is a big name.

When Dick first came to Bludhaven, one of the police officers was like we don't want your crazy here or something. Also Bludhaven loves Nightwing. They want him.

So why is everyone pretending like they don't know who he is?

Nightwing (2016) Issue #90

The police, the citizens, the villains-all of them. Dick fought Brutale and beat the crap out of him way back in 1996 comic. He's a Bludhaven regular. Just because Dick forgot who he was doesn't mean anyone else forgot him. Amnesia doesn't work that way.

Nightwing (2016) Issue #54

A whole team of Nightwings were formed during Dick's amnesic period because of how badly he was needed and missed. It's almost like the Tom Taylor run is set in an alternate universe.

I ran out of image space but what the absolute fiddlesticks is up with Dick being scared to jump. It better be a manipulation tactic but at this point I think Tom Taylor doesn't even know that Dick is manipulative.

[local-new-kid-super]

Little things the Raccoon and Friends Squad do for a New Kid!Reader during and after a battle.

Raccoon:

☆ Shares food with you mid-battle, even his beloved honey-soaked sopapilla. He's pretty selfish on the field (as with everything else), so he doesn't share with anyone else. Expect the rest of the team to get pissy he's not sharing with them.

"Fatass, Captain Diabetes is literally collapsing, give him some fucking food!"

☆ Checks on you first after the battle, trying not to seem like he cares too much, but he's even willing to 'shed' his claws off for a moment because it's next to inpossible to bandage you up with them.

"The fuck?" He snaps, struggling to open up a band-aid pack with his sharp digits. "Fuckin' shitty Terrance and Phillip band-aids, these Canadians don't know anything about battle, New Kid."

Captain Diabetes:

☆ Stays right by your side, often in front of you. Most of his attacks are head-on, and he can take quite a few kid. Sweet Scott is more than willing to take a few hits for one of the few members of the franchise who are kind to him.

"Not to fear, new kid! No hits to tough for the power of diabetes!"

☆ Always asks for you to 'sidekick' for him. He loved being by your side when Cartman first had you partner up with him after joining the franchise. His desire to have a sidekick is a mix of it making him feel like a real, respected member of the franchise, and a slight fear if you hang out with the others, you'll realize he's kinda lame in comparison to guys like Raccoon, or heaven forbid you switch teams and meet Mysterion.

"New Kid, hey! Listen, if Raccoon assigns us partners today, will you be mine? I've even got some super snacks for us to share!"

Human Kite:

☆ Kite's always willing to provide aerial support, or pick you up to help you avoid an enemies attack. This of course pisses of Raccoon, who just gets laughed at when he takes a hit.

"Ey! Kite, you fucking traitor jew, save me! I'm the fucking leader!"

"Shut up, I couldn't lift your fatass if I wanted to! Hop on my back, New Kid."

"Ey!"

☆ He's got a bunch of little home remedies his mom gives him when he goes out to 'play', and even some packed food. After a battle, he's more than happy to plop down on the curb with you and laugh at Cartman crying post-battle.

"My mom made her special stew if you want some, it's cold as balls out here..."

Mosquito:

☆ To be honest, Mosquito can't do a whole lot to help himself, much less you, but he's gonna try and show off, just for you. Whether it means flying in and draining some enemy blood, or even taking a hit to the head because he's too busy flexing his barely visible arm muscles.

"Check it out, New Kid! I'm getting pretty ripped, bzz bzz!" He immediately gets clocked by an enemy, but please don't make fun of him crying 😥

☆ After battle, he's in charge of hydration, so he'll go around and hand out water bottles, and 'blood' for himself, which you've come to realize is kool-aid powder in sprite. He'll give you your water bottle, and hope you won't poke fun at his streaky tear marks and wobbling lip.

"H-heres a bottle, drink up for... for strength, bzz bzzzzzz." He's outright sobbing now.

Fastpass:

☆ Fastpass makes sure to crack extra jokes when you're hanging around, throwing away his respect for comedic timing to slip in a one-liner after every. Single. Hit.

"C-consider t-t-this ass-kicking e-expedited!"

"Did someone o-order t-this fist with s-s-same day delivery?"

☆ Fastpass is pretty much ready to take off after a successful fight, especially if it's the end of his patrol. Hop on his back, and he'll take you somewhere cooler than this storage facility you just whipped Prof. Chaos's ass in.

"L-lets go! I've g-got a coupon for City Wok, and I've got some post fight mu-mu-munchies!"

Super Craig:

☆ He's not really enthusiastic during battle, so if you get injured or knocked out, then he'll step in and fuck up the opposition. Otherwise, he's more than willing to ditch mid-battle and go doing something more interesting.

"This fucking sucks, new kid. Let's go get a slushy."

☆ He knows fighting can be pretty stressful from when he used to battle alongside Tweek, before the whole Freedom Pals incident, so he's happy to take you back to his house to distress with him and Stripe.

"Don't worry, Stripe. Me and the New Kid really showed those assholes not to mess with Raccoon and Friends. Now, give him a carrot new kid, he makes this real funny squeak..."

[sanjisblackasswife]

Little Things You Do That OP Men Love (SFW)

Black Fem Reader in Mind

Ft. Katakuri, Luffy, Sanji, Zoro, Ace

Katakuri

He loves watching you eat with him, whether it’s donuts or just some other snack he likes how your cheeks get almost as big as his when you relax and stuff your face

He enjoys watching you try to fight him. You tend to throw hands with him a lot in a playful way, he’s a big mf so he really doesn’t feel much when you climb, slap, punch or kick him. He views it very cute when you do it when you get jealous or pouty.

To add on to that he loves how you were never afraid of him. Of course it took him sometimes to get used to the affection you gave him, and honestly he thought you’d leave after he showed you his teeth, but you fell more in love with him and he will always cherish you for that

Luffy

He loves how easy it is to make you laugh. He loves your laugh so much. When he first heard it he did such a wide smile, Robin swears up and down the first time he made you laugh that’s when he fell for you, but Luffy never understood why she said that. He tried everyday to hear you laugh at least once regardless if you hate it or not. You look best when you smile.

The way you always share your food with him. I mean yeah there are many things you do for him and sharing your food is one. He loves eating with you and bonding over food. He secretly likes when you feed the food to him too.

The way you take and wear his hat. He has only allowed very few people to wear/hold his hat but he only gives you the privilege of taking it when you want. You look better in it anyways.

The way you run and hug him when you see him. He is a touchy person naturally so when you first hugged him he literally could have melted in your touch. He thinks you’re so soft and smell SOOOO good. Many times after hugging Luffy he keeps his body wrapped around you.

Ace

He loves the way you talk. Whether you have an accent or not your voice gives him a peace of mind. You never yell at him or belittle him with your words. If you both aren’t bantering with each other Everything you speak towards him is all love and affirmation and he wouldn’t change it for the world

He loves how you admire small things about him. You always compliment his freckles, his hair, the way he dresses (even if he barely wears clothes) you’re just so positive around him. He does a small crooked smile when you do it.

The way you say “I love you.” To him. You’re one of the first few people next to his brothers and WB to show him what love really was and when Ace first heard you say that to him he cried.

How carefree you are around him. He notices the way you are more reserved with other around, but when you’re alone with him you are the complete opposite. Ace appreciate you have that kind of trust to be that vulnerable around him.

Sanji

Yes he loves everything about you BUT the one thing he loves the most is how your eyes light up every SINGLE time he walks into the room. Being played by so many women and not desired by many of them the fact that you’re probably the first to have a genuine happiness to have him around makes him feel so honored and loved.

The way you look at him has him on his knees. It’s similar to the first one, but sometimes you have this small low lidded gaze he can’t look away from. You make his cheeks on FIRE with that look! It’s not even intentional and he doesn’t even think you know but when your chin is rested on your hand and you watch him in admiration he gets so shy.

The way you touch him. He’s a touchy guy too, but how you sometimes fix his hair, adjust his tie, or even tie his shoes gets him going—-not ALWAYS in a sexual way but in a way where he will drown you in “I love you’s” for the gesture

He loves watching you talk about things you love to him. There were so many unknown and interesting facts about you he has learned while talking to you, you’re so expressive and fun to speak to. Some days when he isn’t having a love fit he just enjoys having a long and deep conversation.

How patient and gentle you are with him. You never have hit Sanji, pushed him away, cursed at him, or anything. You’ve always welcomed his lover boy antics and him as a whole. You’re so understanding when he screws up somehow that he believes one day you may leave him if he don’t get his act together, but you reassured him nothing could make you love him any less.

Zoro

How you motivate him, he doesn’t tell you of course but seeing you focused on getting stronger gives him the courage to keep going

The way you snap back at him. We all know this mf loves to make smart remarks but when you first clapped back he was so attracted to you . You don’t back down from talking crap to him and he loves that so much

The way you hold him., whether he admits it or not after a love making session or just when you both are sleeping he loves when you pull him into your chest and hold him tightly. Your touch is one of the few things that helps him have a sound mind and make him smile

When you fight, he does get a liiittllleee turned on seeing you work yourself up because you get so cocky and angry while fighting enemies, but he likes how quick you are on your feet (remember that scene where Zoro asks if Chopper is ganna be okay and he says yes and Zoro says “That’s my man” Akbshssskj he says “That’s my girl” to you when you fight )

How you trust him always made his heart flutter. You’re more than capable of fighting on your own, but it’s those moments where you don’t bat an eye to when an enemy is about to attack and you don’t worry because you know Zoro will come to your rescue. He’s asked you why tf do you act so careless when he is around but you smiled and told him, “Because I know a swordsman that will protect me.”

Ego boost.

[super-cosmic-library]

staring at you staring at me

written for @steddie-week day 3: mutual pining

wc: 1085 I rating: G I tags: alpha steve harrington, omega eddie munson, courting, happy ending I [ao3]

“If you don’t stop staring at him, I’m going to tell Keith you’ve been slacking on the job.”

“You wouldn’t,” Steve says, turning away from watching Eddie examine every single VHS in the horror section of Family Video.

“No, I wouldn’t,” Robin agrees. “Did you know he tried asking me out again?”

“What the fuck? What’s wrong with him?”

“I could give you a list. First off, he needs a better deodorant, his sense of humor is abysmal, he thinks that women can hold their periods in like pee, he doesn’t know what the Loch Ness Monster is, he . . .”

Steve glances back at Eddie as his best friend continues to prattle on about their manager’s flaws. Eddie’s examining the same copy of Friday the 13th he’d looked at the day before. Steve loves the way the omega’s face scrunches up as he reads the synopsis before putting it back on the shelf and moving on to the next film.

Eddie’s attention flickers over to them, catching the alpha’s eyes. Steve gives him a little finger wave, which has Eddie pulling a chuck of hair in front of his face to hide behind.

“Steve, are you even listening to me?”

“Uh, yeah,” he whips around to look back at her, trying to recall the last thing she’d said. “Keith calls mashed avocados guacamole.”

“It’s just avocado, salt, and lime juice, Steve! That’s not guacamole!”

“Yeah, no, totally.” His gaze wanders back to Eddie, who’s now examining Fright Night.

“Just court him already.”

It’s a discussion they’d had repeatedly over the past several months. Steve had come up with excuses to not court the omega every time, ranging from giving him time to heal from his demobat wounds to having to kill Vecna again to Steve just having a bad hair day.

“My hair can’t be a mess if I’m going to start courting someone. It’s my best feature.” Steve had said.

Now, though, after months of excuses, he doesn’t have the energy for anything less than the truth. “What if he doesn’t want me?”

Robin raises an eyebrow at that. “Really? You think that Eddie doesn’t want you?”

“Well, yeah. I’m not exactly the type of alpha a guy like Eddie would go for. I mean, you’ve heard his cafeteria rants. I represent everything Eddie hates in the world.”

“He hates secretly nerdy guys who fight monsters and mother pups that don’t belong to him?”

“Preps,” he gestures to his starched polo and jeans. “He hates preps and rich kids.”

“Well, you’re not exactly rich anymore.”

She’s right. His parents had cut him off back in June when they found out once again that he’d not been accepted into any of the colleges they’d wanted him to apply for. In the year since he had graduated, his parents had expected that he would use the free time to round out his character and develop more “real world” experience to make his college applications more appealing to admissions boards. Unfortunately for them, the colleges they’d demanded he apply to required better greats than the ones he’d eeked by with. So his dad decided to cut him loose. Now, he rents the Henderson’s basement from Claudia, happy to help out around the house and get more time to torment Dustin like a real brother would.

“Come on, Steve. He’s in here practically every day for hours at a time, browsing the same selection of movies and making eyes at you. I mean, have you ever even seen him rent a VHS?”

“That’s because I rent them for him with my employee discount.”

“Does he even watch them?”

“Yeah, we watch them in the trailer for our weekly movie nights. I’ve told you about them, Rob.”

“Uh huh, uh huh,” she nods. “And how, exactly, do you two sit when you ‘watch’ these movies? Opposite ends of the couch? Separate seats entirely? Cause I’m willing to bet that not only do you cuddle during them, but Eddie initiates it.”

She’s right. But friends can cuddle without being romantically interested in each other. He and Robin cuddle sometimes. He and Tommy used to cuddle all the time before they drifted apart. Cuddling doesn’t mean Eddie’s interested in being courted by him.

He repeats the sentiment to her.

“I’m just saying, I think he’d be interested if you court him.”

“She’s right.”

Steve practically jumps out of his skin. He hadn’t heard Eddie approach the circulation counter. Embarrassment floods his cheeks. “Eddie, what–”

“You know I can hear everything you guys say, right? This place isn’t that big, and your voices are loud.”

Steve wants to shrivel up in a hole and die. He’s going to have to change his identity and move to a different state in order to escape his mortification. He’s going to have to–wait. Did he say . . .

“Did you say she was right?”

“Yeah. I feel like I’m going crazy with anticipation for when you start courting me,” Eddie easily admits. “I would have started courting you, but you seem like the kind of guy who’s traditional in that sense.”

Oh, god. He gets to court Eddie. Eddie wants him to court him. This revelation makes him want to sprint home to grab the gifts he’s been accumulating over the past few months and give them all to him at once.

Calm down, tiger. No need to rush it. Eddie deserves a proper courting ritual.

“So, when I ask to court you, you’re going to say yes?” His thoughts are in overdrive. He needs the confirmation before he gets ahead of himself with planning.

“Yes,” Eddie smiles.

Steve takes in a deep breath. “Eddie, sweetie, I’m going to need you to leave.”

The omega’s face falls. “What? Why?”

“Because I’m going to start freaking out in a really embarrassing way, and I don’t want you to see it. And,” he shoots him the signature Harrington smile. “I’ve got to start planning out our first date.”

Eddie pulls his hair in front of his face, swaying on the balls of his feet. “Will I still see you for our movie night tonight?”

“Wouldn’t dream of missing it. You still want Beetlejuice?”

Eddie nods.

“See you at eight, then.” He gives him a wink.

As soon as the shop door closes, Steve turns on Robin, eager to start talking through all his ideas until he comes up with the world’s best and most perfect first date.

The beta slumps against the counter. “Oh, god, what have I done?”

[cyb3rtarot]

Pick a Pile: Facing “Failure”

Disclaimer: readings are not replacements for professional advice. You create your fate, not the reading. Take what confirms and not what confuses. In this reading, I’ll look at your current perception or relationship to perceived failure & things to keep in mind. It’s great if we can find beauty in the inevitability of lessons instead of fear!

Help a Palestinian family: 1 2 3 4 5

pile 1 ✃ pile 2 pile 3 ✃ pile 4

Pile 1

[Mannaz, King of Wands rx, 8 of wands rx, 2 of swords, Follow Your Own Good Advice rx, Changed in the Night]

Hello pile one! This pile struggles with understanding how fate & time interacts with effort. There’s a complicated relationship with destiny or divine timing. On one hand, when things don’t work, you may try to reflect and understand if that has a deeper meaning. You may wonder, for example, about whether failure & rejection is divine protection, if the timing wasn’t right—if it’s not meant for you. But then the energy switches to pointing the finger at yourself and wondering if what you haven’t accomplished is a personal failure. There’s flip-flopping between where to place the blame. Even if you’re not thinking of intentionally blaming anyone or anything, there may be self-blaming tendencies or a fixation on trying to find a reason for pain. You may comb through your actions looking for an answer and are sometimes only able to see everything that went wrong. This can begin even before the outcome is achieved; you may stagnate yourself through perfectionism or through not applying yourself because every approach seems not good enough. There’s a struggle in merging what you think you could improve with the knowledge that some things are out of your control.

Of course, we wish we could understand why exactly things went wrong because we’d feel better armed. But one of the things failure shows is no matter how much we arm ourselves, there can be a wrench in our plans. Instead we must move with self-trust even when we don't know what's going to happen. This is one of the struggles of being human! Even highly intuitive people are in constant reflection to understand what’s going on. Going around in a mental loop can function as self punishment sometimes, as if we’re forcing ourselves to sit in the corner and find an answer to things beyond our understanding. You should always reflect and strive for self improvement, but this best comes from self love rather than a fixation on failure or criticism. You already have this King of Wands energy which leads you to success despite stumbles. You don't need to perfectly understand everything or perform perfectly. 

Fate, success, failure, outcomes, these are complex webs. Trying to boil fate—and related concepts like divine timing, fated chance, predestiny, free will, etc—down to a few simple factors can lead to extremes or bias, where we convince ourselves we’re totally in control or on the opposite end we convince ourselves life is out of our hands. Neither side of this polarity acknowledges the power of free will. Fate is something formed by ALL people who have lived, are living, and will live, by forces unseen, but also our own hands. It’s complex because one single person is an infinite pool of complexity within themselves, much more so a whole world. Add time and it can be confusing to understand why xyz happened the way it did. Don’t go to extremes ignoring the concept of timing nor dooming yourself to feeling controlled. The human experience is somewhere in the middle. When things don’t work out, take an honest look at what you had control over and how you feel about the way you handled it. Not to judge or criticize, just make objective notes. If we focus on these parts of reality, we can detach from unhealthy mental traps about what could’ve been or might be. 

On some level, you already know this. From your oracle cards and this King of Wands (rx), I feel you’ve already done a lot of self reflection on things you want to improve or that haven’t gone the way you wanted, but there’s hesitancy to relax and move forward. It’s like you keep re-evaluating or planning because it can’t be as simple as trusting yourself—what if it goes wrong again? Yes, it’s true, things may go wrong. But what if everything went better than expected? This is the unknowable which will eat away at our mental health if we let it. But, even if we knew what would happen, it still could not replace our effort, confidence, self love & trust. We would still need those things to make the most of our future and enjoy it. Trust that you know yourself. You’re not who you once were, because those lessons you learned prepared future-you for new things. Be honest with yourself, not because I think you aren’t, but because when you can say with evidence you’re realistically evaluating the situation, you can navigate the unknown to the best of your ability. Your relationship with failure is also your relationship with fear of the unknown. But I see someone who should trust that their honest effort does mean something, is worth something, and then your energy and talents can come out more easily. Don’t be your own bully before anything had a chance to get off the ground!

Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help! Some of you isolate or were forced into being self-sufficient. Other people add more unknown factors, but sometimes that’s what helps the most! Working with others or asking for help is often where positive surprises comes in, safety nets that catch us when we’re low, and we also learn more about ourselves through others. If you can grow deeper bonds with your peers or community, these may be a positive influence.

Failure won’t always come with epiphanies to undo it, especially when we already tried our best. Sometimes we can only understand & manage limited things. We must balance and rest in this knowledge ♥️

Extra Details: more college students in this pile or preparing for college (I see a lot of academia and big university buildings), fear of embarrassment or shyness when presenting what you made, worrying about what you’ll make of yourself, past bullying, writing & traditional drawing, letters, journal keeping, thick frame glasses, kpop, being unsure when to reach out or withdraw, drawing on a tablet/with a stylus, studying arts or liberal arts, blueberries, lots of huge creative energy

Thank you for reading! 

✃

Pile 2

[Xebo, 7 of pentacles, the Magician, page of cups, Justice]

Your relationship to failure is linked to a fear of disappointment. This pile is grounded in the idea of give and take, putting effort into goals to receive a desired outcome, needing to do the work. And I feel when faced with failure this pile may have a relatively quicker process of getting back up, because you know that’s what it takes to move forward. There’s balanced, methodical, and steady energy, a work ethic or skill of endurance. 

However, the symbolism & faces of figures on these cards seem melancholic. I see physical effort to keep it all together, but you may feel hesitant to put hope or emotional attachment into anything. There’s a sense that you let yourself have wishes but only view them as wishes. Even as you work towards them, you may not let yourself get expectations up, because you know even with putting the work in something could go wrong. Or, you might see things you want as a “forbidden fruit,” imaginary, unrealistic, naïve, etc. There’s a deep-seated fear or thorn in your emotions when connecting to desire—because doing so sets up potential for disappointment which feels too crushing. You might feel it’s illogical to set yourself up in that way, yet at the same time, this restriction of yourself can become fear based and less logical. 

There’s a need to heal this because it’s casting a dampening energy over what you do. Confronting your relationship with failure is confronting avoidance of the pain of disappointment. Avoiding pain is normal but can restrict desire and ambition that wants to be expressed. Don’t deny desire, emotionally separate yourself from it, nor be too judgmental. The possibility of failure makes you detach from deep emotion and put your guard up. Maybe you feel a very measured approach will yield the best results, and often it can, but more so when coming from a place of healthy curiosity than suppression. This may stop a lot of you from pursuing connections with others. It’s great if you’re rational, grounded, decisive, but to your inner self this may come off as a strict-parent dynamic where you restrict wants through very decisive planning—rather than directly addressing them. And sometimes what you need is to be a friend to yourself, to indulge a bit, let yourself relax and see the fun in dreaming. You already understand putting work in, so using this realistic perspective, what would your life look like if you had some of the larger desires you feel are fantastical dreams? What would a merger between your current life and that desired life look like, or what would the transitional scenes look like getting there if you were reading a story? And, what are reasonable disappointments you may encounter on a journey there? The point of the last question is not to get caught up in disappointment, but rather that facing it as a possibility may make you feel more prepared. Disappointment is not more powerful than you when you accept it as part of life’s cycles. 

As I flip through the deck I see strings of cards indicating you already know this but maybe some of you are having trouble integrating intuition with conscious knowing. I feel if you haven’t already come to these conclusions you may be at the edge of an epiphany regarding emotions and desires. Maybe because there’s something new you’re interested in with the page of wands at the bottom of the deck? The work ethic and planning skills you have can carry you far, and through reflection on disappointment as a part of the human experience, remaining fears cannot keep you down. Best of luck in whatever you pursue!

Extra Details: meditation on emotions, desires, & fears could be helpful. Revisiting past disappointments to create new perspectives (there may still be pain or disappointment to process, don’t rush it!), scared/anxious, uncertainty about seeking connection, balancing long term material goals with relationships, connecting with your emotions & wants will bring clarity to your intuition, putting defenses down about feelings, letting go of old ideas, spending time with/ thinking of a grandmother, homemade coffee, new interests/ on a search for something new, measured responses to others, lack of excitement/ feeling rigid (or coming out of this), a need for more union or sync within oneself & dualistic concepts (body/mind, emotions/thoughts, desires/detachment), changing views on connection with others and within yourself, resigning yourself to unhappiness unnecessarily, unhappiness in the home or with traditional lifestyle, prominent Virgo placements in natal/SR chart or in profection yr, or receiving help from a Virgo (take as it already resonates), internalized beliefs from family about success or passions—a lot of you may replicate your family’s criticism in your thoughts towards yourself. Interests you’ve put off because it’s “not productive” like music, some of you may enjoy going out at night to places with live music or clubbing/lounges, The Moon in tarot/deep subconscious emotional pulls, something dripping or the word dripping may be significant?

Thank you for reading!

✃

Pile 3

[Perthro, Ace of cups, King of pentacles, the Hierophant, the Hanged Man rx]

Hello pile 3! Your message is about perspective. On one hand, I see you guys have a lot of hope deep down or a tendency to romanticize. When you see things aren’t working out, it may be hard to accept because you look at potential and what's working rather than what isn’t. Especially in relationships, there are a lot of people here who find it difficult to accept aspects like incompatibility. However, when you finally come to terms with what’s happening, I see a lot of you can turn around to the next thing very quickly. This pile is aware that “failure,” or endings, are just new beginnings. It’s very hard to totally dull your “sparkle,” because there’s always some renewed sense of optimism or ability to see potential. When you realize the stage has been set for something new, you get a lot of excitement. There’s an inner & outer sense of security that allows you to make peace with the fact that living means lessons, and as long as you take these lessons in stride, you can keep going and receive new things.

However, your other message is about that momentum. The Hierophant with the Hanged Man rx and your rune suggests that slowing down mentally and having a lot of reflective or learning/teaching time may be a benefit, especially because this pile’s message seems specific to right now. You may hear a lot about waiting and working on yourself, and you may feel like, “but I have worked on myself, what’s next??” Sometimes a period of stagnation after something doesn’t work just drags & drags and makes you keep seeing or feeling the things you’re trying to move on from. However, it's this exact period that's a benefit—those moments are beneficial for the new opportunities you seek. Your cards encourage you to analyze those things—particularly in the recent past—that didn’t work, and to do a lot of reflection on what you wish to carry into the future. You may wish to rush forward, but good things come to those who are patient (not necessarily to those who wait, but those who take a steady approach). There may be things from your past that you've quickly dropped from your mind and there’s more learning to be done. For example, there may be relationships or events you look over with rose-tinted glasses, and it’s important to analyze what actions & energies led to the endings you experienced, both what you did and didn't do, and what others did and didn’t do. You may also learn something from analyzing what didn’t work in the lives of those close to you. For example, you could look at similar things friends & family did that seemed to go wrong if you wish to try a different approach. Your ability to pick yourself up and keep going is admirable, but appreciation and taking advantage of still moments is also needed. There may be some kind of lesson wrapping up right now or that’s attempting to be conveyed to you, and there may be more things to learn yet from recent “failures” that you have not analyzed from all angles because you’re ready to go. Especially those things which are emotionally painful, make sure you’ve not only made peace with these but understand how approaches may need to be different going forward if you’re to have different outcomes. Life is unpredictable, and it’s for that reason that still moments are a blessing, because when things get moving we may no longer have the time, experience, and learning to tweak our approach mid-trajectory. Quieter times allow us to set our destination and plan our trip before hopping on the plane, metaphorically. Whether in material efforts or seeking new connections, and I see a lot of you may be bringing children into the world so that's especially important. Looking into the future is not bad at all, but make sure you’re connecting the past and present into your future vision and looking at things from all different sides. There’s no need to rush forward; life constantly moves us in that direction.

It seems there are developments & surprises upcoming for you. Think of the present as us donning our armor and weapon—self-exploration and growth. The more time we put into these, the less we'll be caught unawares. We’ll be prepared to make the most of things we actually do want when we get them, instead of repeating the past from a different standpoint. There’s a particular emphasis on gaining knowledge, whether of yourself or otherwise, while new phases are in the making. Each new moment is born out of this present one, so be mindful of the energies allowed forward. As we get in control of ourselves and our perspective, we less so need to “wait” for good things to come to us, and instead can take confident steps, as you’ll know what you want and what direction those things are in.

Extra Details: pregnancy (use protection if doing risky things) ((messages about proper planning & gaining knowledge are doubly emphasized for anyone giving birth soon or trying for children)), being mindful of energy allowed towards oneself (those with rose-tinted glasses may have had a tendency to allow disrespect in relationships), breaking cycles, others sharing your developments (example, if you break a toxic cycle or start something new you may notice loved ones doing the same), realistic hope, pushing the past out of your mind due to emotional wounds or resentment (healing/shadow work needed if so), “let go or be dragged,” current Saturn transit may be significant or Saturn significant in solar return/profection year, as well as Pluto leaving Capricorn, Wheel of Fortune, never-ending flow of time, heavy natal or solar return Libra placements, midnight, interim period before change, a need to study/learn pertaining to the things you want in your future, midnight gospel, meeting up with others in public spaces like cafes

Thank you for reading!

✃

Pile 4

[Laziness, Compromise, the Outsider, Iceolation, Sowilo]

Hi pile 4! Your message is about redefining what “failure” means to you. Your cards suggest you’ve gotten comfortable with some misery or discontent, possibly because you don’t feel a life that would make you happy is accessible. Maybe you feel you’re not a person who can achieve a different life, so you resigned yourself to how you currently feel. Or, some of you have built an “acceptable” life, and you’re not confronting discontent because you might have to tear this down—or you might “fail” trying to achieve change. 

Wanting to start over, being different from others, past difficulties, none of this makes you a failure or is anything to feel shame/embarrassment about. I won’t say not living your truth makes you a failure either; everyone struggles and searches for that throughout their lifetimes. It’s not that there’s necessarily anything wrong with how you do things or how you might do things differently without the pressure of expectations. But, you may be compromising on something that’s fundamental to your wellbeing, and this doesn't have to be the answer. Your relationship to failure is significant in whatever is making you feel like you have to accept misery or “less than." There’s a sense of alienation from others through your life and from your own happiness. Maybe you feel your wellbeing is too difficult? The significant thing is on the “outsider” card, a child looks longingly through a gate they think is locked, but actually the gate is open. This card is comparable to the 5 of pentacles in that help in unhappy times is often far closer than you think. But don’t water yourself down for others or their expectations, that’s like extinguishing your flame before it has a chance to do anything.

Now’s a time where you can approach different aspects of your life in ways you might’ve thought of before but couldn’t. Maybe there’s a desire you couldn’t obtain before and now there’s a more promising opportunity. Especially in regards to your material situation, such as jobs, life goals, physical things or finances. But not only; this is a time of general personal development and spiritual growth. Things in your life that you have kept in darkness, such as feelings of disconnection, misery, resentment—these have an opportunity to be purged. It’s a time where you’re encouraged to see how the effort you put in can pay off, like sowing seeds. Don’t be discouraged by the fact that you may have once tried and failed. Life has ebbs and flows, sometimes what was once out of reach comes into grasp at another time. 

Some of you are concerned with what your life will look like to others if you change. Particularly those who are living a socially acceptable life or have something that works practically, or people encourage you into (such as a traditional job), but want to explore something unconventional or harder. This is also a fear to address, keeping yourself caged through others’ ideas. Everyone has their own path to walk and you won’t necessarily find yours by looking at your life through another’s lens, or through the person you wish you were instead of who you actually are. You may have reached goals, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay where you are if you feel misaligned. The feeling's not there to throw you off but to tell you something. It’s your choice how to address it, but don’t repress it. Life can be more than staying afloat. Not even necessarily in a material way, but mentally and emotionally you can find things that give life more meaning. If you address the ways in which you minimize yourself, or kill your hopes before you’ve tried, then your relationship to failure may take a healthy turn and you can feel assured in making changes.

Extra Details: feeling like you’re regressing, spiritual growth or incoming period of inner development, the Hermit/turning inwards to find yourself, contemplating what you want or who you are, setting new goals/ working towards dreams— especially material ones, finding confidence, reflecting on haughtiness vs confidence. Contemplating the universe, feminine energy (reflecting on what this means to you spiritually), eat nutritious foods to combat deficiencies especially iron deficiency, caring for yourself according to your bodily/mental cycles

Channeled image, I see a bush or hedge being pruned. The message is you do this to yourself—how you minimize yourself. We all grow and have to tweak our expectations, selves, goals, etc. But if you try to take care of one plant in the way another needs, you may take away what makes it most beautiful or unique, it may come out looking off. Similarly, it’s true you may have had to adjust your life in unexpected ways, and this may happen again. But, if you do this based on anything except your true self, then the end result—your life, will be more likely to feel “not right.” When you make a mistake growing a plant or pruning, the plant can make a comeback if taken care of. But if you try to care for it as if it were a totally different thing, that’s what actually creates errors.

Thank you for reading!

✃