#i mean… to a 12 year old that IS mature hahaha

[evansbby]

Google translate anon again

that’s really amazing i been reading fanfics since i was 12 as well from wattpad to tumblr

what was the first fandom you wrote for ? mine was harry potter and i’m not gonna lie ron Weasley can still get it 🤤

Hahaha the first fandom I wrote for and officially PUBLISHED was one direction! mainly Harry styles bahahaha. But I remember I had a super brief Steve Rogers phase in 2012 after watching avengers, so I remember I was literally 12 years old writing a Steve fic lmaoo

[chiskz]

《 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 𝐗 𝐍𝐘𝐋𝐎𝐍 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 》

♡taglist: @alyszaen , @smh-anon , @neohyxn , @stealanity

_______________________

♡ 𝟓𝟎 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐒

1. How did you get your name? If you know the reason, please let us know.

CC: Ichi means "one"! I chose this name myself, wanting to become number 1, hahaha.

2. What nickname were you called when you were little?

CC: I didn't have nicknames.

3. What does your family call you?

CC: By my full name.

4. What is your unique charm point?

CC: I'm the best listener in the world.

5. When you were a student, what subjects did you take pride in and what were you not good at?

CC: I was good at a little bit of everything, but nothing in particular.

6. Do you organize your computer desktop and smartphone apps? Do you keep them downloaded?

CC: No, I leave them as they are because my brain quickly gets used to their original arrangement.

7. Do you organize your cameraroll?

CC: I only delete photos if needed.

8. What's your current smartphone wallpaper?

CC: Sleeping I.N.

9. If you were to spend your time off with the members, who would you be with and what would you do?

CC: I want to visit Cat Island with Lee Know.

10. If you had 1 day off?

CC: I would finish the kdrama I started.

11. If you had 1 month off?

CC: I would visit Japan and hang out with my friends.

12. What are your personal preferences for your room and interior?

CC: Sensory board in my room.

13. When you're busy at work or things aren't going as planned, what do you do to refresh yourself?

CC: Work out.

14. What's your favorite number?

CC: 1 and 9!

15. What do you always do everyday?

CC: Bother my members, hahaha.

16. What was the best thing you ate recently?

CC: Cheese ramen.

17. What made you laugh the most recently?

CC: Seungmin makes me laugh every day, so it must have been something he said.

18. What made you surprised recently?

CC: One of my favorite restaurants has closed.

19. What have you searched for recently?

CC: Food delivery website. I still didn't download the app, hahaha.

20. What was your recent dream about?

CC: I don't really have dreams.

21. What do you do when you can't sleep at night?

CC: I go to the room of one of my members, I fall asleep with someone immediately.

22. Is your sleeping position good or bad?

CC: ... I do my best 😭

23. If you could use one magic?

CC: Healing.

24. What would you do if a zombie appeared in front of you?

CC: I would teach him "God's Menu" choreography and debut him ASAP.

25. What frightens you the most in this world?

CC: Being alone.

26. Who is the quickest member to reply messages?

CC: I.N, Felix and me.

27. Which member easily succumbs to loneliness the most?

CC: Me. I can't stand being alone.

28. Which member has the biggest gap between on stage and the usual?

CC: I.N's gap has increased recently. He's getting more confident on stage and his facial expressions are really eye-catching. Offstage, he's still his calm, fluffy self.

29. What do you always do before you go on stage?

CC: Pee.

30. How do you relieve tension?

CC: By using sensory toys. I have plenty of them.

31. Of the 9, what is the thing you're second to none?

CC: I believe it's weightlifting.

32. What are some unforgettable scenes and happenings from your world tour so far?

CC: Energy of STAY is different and equally amazing in every country, so every concert is unforgettable!

33. It's almost the 4th anniversary of your debut and 5th anniversary of Stray Kids. Do you remember when you were 4-5 years old?

CC: 5 years old? That's when I went outside with my sister when it was cold and caught the fateful flu!

34. What do you feel has changed the most since 4 years ago?

CC: My self-esteem.

35. Which member do you think has changed the most since 4 years ago?

CC: I think we've all changed. We have matured.

36. What kind of artist do you want to be 5 years from now on?

CC: I want to be an artist whose fans are proud to listen to him.

37. What would you like to do in 2023?

CC: I want to keep studying. I am thinking about further studies in the field of law and constantly improving my choreography skills.

38. Tell us about the members' TMI today!

CC: I fell asleep in the living room with Bang Chan today.

39. What are the members' standard way of living in the dormitory?

CC: After all, hardly anyone here likes to eat alone, so each of us is always looking for a companion.

40. When do you feel the most joy in doing your job?

CC: When I run around the stage with my members and STAY do nothing but cheer loudly!

41. If possible, can you praise yourself?

CC: It's not possible.

42. What would you like to do with STAY?

CC: Watch funny things on Y*uT*be together and eat popcorn!

43. What do you like about Stray Kids?

CC: Each of them is unique and different, but we all share common dreams and goals. We're family.

44. Any studying tips for STAY?

CC: Use colors in your notes, but don't overdo it! Optimally, 3 to 4 different colors should be used.

45. How do you feel about the fact that you've recently started contributing to songwriting as well?

CC: I thought I would never do it because I was never good with my words. The members, however, inspired me enough that the words came by themselves.

46. So far, you are the only one from Stray Kids to have released your solo album, a digital one. Do you feel better as a soloist or a member of a group?

CC: Ah no no, I've never been a soloist, I've never debuted solo! I keep emphasizing that it's the "CHICHI OF STRAY KIDS" ' album because I want it to be clear. I don't like being alone so soloist's life is not for me.

47. Do members consult you for Japanese language advice?

CC: Yes, although they are already quite good at it themselves! Mostly I work with 3RACHA when it comes to Japanese songs, I help translate or write them.

48. What's the song you can't stop listening to lately?

CC: "Antifragile" by LE SSERAFIM! I think I've been listening to this song at least once a day since its release, hahaha.

49. Do you feel that you are the oldest member of Stray Kids?

CC: Absolutely not. Everyone seems to forget about it too and bully Bang Chan about it (I'm sorry Bang Chan!).

50. One message to yourself from the past?

CC: It's hard and it's going to be even harder. But remember that it will also be worth it!

© copyright : questions 1-43 are translated from original nylon interview by @/innifinity on twt!

_______________________

♡ CHICHI in members' answers:

* all members mentioned Chichi as the fastest responder to messages

* all members mentioned Chichi as person who succumbs loneliness the most

* I.N mentioned Chichi as a person who is sometimes more "maknae-line-like" than himself, because she is everywhere, always looking for company and enjoying small things

* Changbin replied that he currently has a photo of Chichi from the restaurant as his phone wallpaper

* Bang Chan, Felix, Hyunjin and Changbin mentioned Chichi as having the biggest personality gap between onstage and offstage ("she seems unapproachable and fierce onstage, but offstage just pat her on the head and she's yours")

♡𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐰𝐭

[tatlandtaelsurveys]

Twenty

Are you happy with the way things are going at the moment? If not, what’s the problem?

Mhhhhh as far as my attitude and my perspective of things as far as being in a better places, yes. My relationship is good and definitely am glad not to be as jealous. But I would like to move out and not be with my parents and be more financially stable..I want to do more with my life.

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a letter P? I have not no.

Did you talk to one of your best friends today? What did you talk about? Just texting about dropping her off some coffee.

Do you get on better with funny or serious people? A sense of humor or some sort. I am not great with stern and serious people.

What is something you’re good at? Piano.

Do you still speak to the person you fell hardest for? Yes :D.

Do you have mood swings around the time of the month? Not really but I mean the cramps put me in a less energetic mood.

Have your friends met the last person you kissed? Yes. He is part of the friend group. We were all friends first and then he and I started dating.

How old is your oldest cousin? Pfttt 40′s, in their 40′s somewhere.

If you’re straight, have you ever thought about kissing the same sex? If you’re gay, have you ever thought about kissing the opposite sex? I have thought about kissing the same sex and am interested what it’d be like.

What if you saw your best friend holding hands with your ex? Uh it depends on context. Like if we were playing a group game where we held hands, like that one you untangle yourself as a group, that’s not problem. If it was just because, I obviously wouldn’t like it. But I would probably ask him calmly first.

Your last relationship, who dumped who? We kind of both were at a point we knew it was failing and mutually ended it. However, when we started talking again a year after we broke up, had sex he decided to tell me he didn’t mean for us to talk to each other go this far. SO, I told him let’s just stop talking and move on with our lives. 

How old were you when you had your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Hahaha 12. But if you don’t count. it, I was 16.

Do you have chocolate in your house? YES a bowl and it’s so dangerous I keep going back for more.

What does your laugh sound like? Do you have a loud laugh or a quiet laugh? I find my laugh to be weird but been told it isn’t. Sometimes I do this weird laugh and am like where did that come from, like a e hehehe. I wouldn’t say my laugh is loud.

Do you have a friend whose name begins with a K? Tell me about him/her. Yes. Katelyn and we met in anime club and she would be my drinking person that pumped me up to want to drink haha. She is really nice.

Do you think the last person you texted loves you? Yes :) he is my bf.

What color is your phone? Purple.

What’s the closest object to you that’s green? The light green on the blanket underneath me.

Which of your friends lives the closest to you? Haha I guess one if she lived back at home. 

Is there a reality TV show you would consider taking part in? Comedy or challenges.

Have you ever fallen out of love with someone? Why do you think your feelings for that person changed? I moved on. 

Is your home town nice? It’s pretty and has it’s beauty of scenery is nice.. Otherways it’s ok.

What if you got stuck in a lift with the last person who Facebook messaged you? We’d kiss, be silly, kiss some more and try to get ourselves out of the lift

Anyone toying with your emotions? No.

When/where did your last hug take place? My room, my brother stopped by and gave me a gift and I gave him a hug.

Do you consider yourself mature enough to make your own decisions? Hahahaha I spend too much. But in more ways, yes. I don’t always know if I am making right decisions or not. To be an adult.

Have your parents ever told you about their love lives, and any previous relationships they had before they met? Yes. My parents are childhood sweethearts but they talked about crushes and dates. Especially my mom but I enjoy telling stories too.

Who has made the biggest difference in your life? My boyfriend. Moving here.

You get a text from someone saying that they want to hang out - who would you most like it to be from? One of my friends.

Do you and your friends have any inside jokes? Hahaha. Black card deck.

Do you think someone has feelings for you? Are these feelings returned? Yes my boyfriend. I love him :).

What if the last person you texted were to ask you out? He might do a shocked face or blush face.

Do you believe in love at first sight? Explain. I don’t, In love at first I don’t see it. I think being mesmerized and intrigued is strong but not knowing the person, I think you can love things about them, or care deeply for them but not be IN love with them.

What kind of programs does your significant other/crush like to watch? Do you like them too, or would you prefer to watch something else? A lot of online anime, and throw back shows he grew up with. We watch throwback stuff and reminisce a lot. He has his shows he likes as well I have mine.

Can you remember what color underwear you wore yesterday?

It was white with small pink polka dots. Would you prefer to be somewhere else right now? If so, where? And why would you prefer to be there? I am content atm.

When you listen to music, do you ever find that the songs affect your moods and change how you feel? Hahaha yes like I find the songs if I want to cry or songs if I want to think of random scenarios.

Can you remember what you dreamed about last night? OMG. So not last night, even though I told my boyfriend this morning. The night before though....I was at this school and on our field trip we had tasks and this lady was killing of people. If we didn’t do it right or broke a rule. It was disturbing. I get these dreams where I am controlled or tortured and I don’t know where they come from.

Where is the person you want to see? At his apartment.

Do you believe that you’re a good person? Yes.

What would you say is your biggest achievement in life so far? What else do you hope to achieve in the next few years? Studying abroad, working on myself, kind of..um. Working and switching jobs because I was unhapoy at my previous job and I was stuck. Felt stuck.

What do you have planned for this evening? Watch a Jdrama or anime.

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

2.5.24 Monday

12 am

It is Monday again, in a lil while I will have my duty again... I still have windblow... I wanna leave Cavite, I'm not happy here I feel low for 17 years.

I feel ugly and fat here in Cavite... I feel bitter when it comes to men... I hate a bugger... I mean whenever I want someone, a particular group here in Cavite will steal it at my back.

I feel bitter I wasn't able to get a bf for 17 years. Sometimes I want to end up with people on TV coz I want to have breast implants and beauty perfection coz they are blessed people... I still have windblow...

I do believe that people on TV are religious and blessed people...

I feel boring... I have no growth for 17 years... There are group of people in Cavite that stole my wings and some relatives as well...

I hate being stagnant... I hate being flatten unfairly. I feel jealous...I feel jealous even on men here outside the screen who got xfactor and able to have a circle and able to have progress in life and able to have gf's for 17 years!!!

I wanna travel angels!!!

6:37 am

I still have windblow... Hmm... What is the point of friendship if they don't know the meaning of it... What is the point of telling that they love me or he loves but for 17 years they are trying to smash me... But why now? Why now? Trying to cage me?

Now,that I lost the smoothness of my skin, my youth is gone... They were claiming 17 years ago that I was their friend but I don't know their real agenda on me even some relatives.

I was their friend but they didn't even tell the plan or was it only their plan... To kill me? To smash me? They linked with people and they became a virus...

6:53 am

I have windblow... An another story someone says he loves, he loves me truly but for 17 years he bounce and bounce and telling people that he loves me...He caged? He did cage me? He is caging me unfairly... I can't say he is a HERO coz 17 years is too long for HIM to be my hero. Or YOU? You just wanna use me, for you to be happy and get a license to bounce freely... What am I here? A guidance councilor???

7:09 am

They are all fake and someone on the airplane will become fake as well???

I love this song coz I met someone in Iqor but this is just a story to tell... I love puzzle pieces and I'm not guilty...I'm not guilty at all if I completed it somehow...

I feel that I'm in this song but I can be the singer or the victim or the main star who can't fulfill her dreams? Or someone's dreams that became my dream? But still, still on a hanging bridge or they just put me or someone put me on a hot air balloon but there was or no hot air on me...

I'm tired for 17 years,just trying to get a success but I always have FEAR in me that everything is just TEMPORARY.

10:15 am

I was raised always having an assistant meaning had some yaya's or helpers here but I was always raised having a good manners. SOME TOLD I'M JUST A COPY OF SOMEONE....I SAID YEAH! YEAH! Though, I'm older about 3 to 4 years hahaha... But I love genuine people on the upper bracket.

From the past yearsZzzzzz With Z i became a Zombie but I have no virus ate Wena knew, I don't have VIRUS in my system.

These days I'm longing to have yaya, so I have complexities like other people will say she is still immature and innocent..

Yeah! Yeah! I cook that I didn't do during my teenage years and my early and late 20's but during my late 30's something happened and happening in Cavite, in my family and with some old friends....

I'm not mature that's why,I'm cooking now...

It is old style chicken and pork nilagah.

10:34 am

To all the yeah! YEAH! THANK YOU!!!

I still wanna have yaya with someone...

[ohimesama]

11.12.22 Saturday

8:13 am

Thank God for today but hoping for more... Hear me angels as well...

Uncle Jun is no longer here... I mean he went to his baranggay kingdom...

Early allergy runny nose again,will take my diphenhydramine Hydrochloride.I checked it already the drug store outside the Savemore Mall, the one that has a clinic. The seller there told me it is not yet expired. I told them I trust you guys coz the expiration date it is not seen on the wrapper... They said coz it is in the box the expiration date only on the bottom part of the entire 1 pack.... They also said we always check our stocks here. I said Ohkay!

Theory:

Don't judge please if you don't know the start of everything like how it happened or what happened or what is happening???

One thing I know, I'm a good friend if you are my friend....

Did someone do something at the back stage???

10:01 am

My bebeh John is having a runny nose or just allergy that I need to figure out... Or just weather warm runny nose...

10:34 am

Got free coffee still on creditz at Clarizza's Carinderia'Z....Life is really difficult for me these days... whew! My nana loves her laing so I got one as well for 30 pesoses... She loves the laing of Ateh Lizah...

I need to have a self-fulfillment away from here,my right to have my own story in life...

I feel hurt... I need money...

12:14 noon

Uncle Jun went home to eat lunch then he found out that the rice in rice cooker is not yet fully cooked....He said I'm gonna eat here coz the food in baranggay is dinuguan or blood food hahaha Wow!

Theory:

A ritualers is now INC hahaha Probably people in the cult,that's why everything is just observation and sacrifices...

2:07 pm

Unfair windblow trap....I lost my xfactor, someone took my position here and there and somewhere... Totally, unfair...

I wanna leave the hometown and I need money...

2:18 pm

I hate INC...I hate JR for sayin RR it is too much since 2007 this windblow.

FUCK THOSE INC that is part of that cult!

2:31 pm

Theory:

Stop caring too much coz you don't care...You just wanna made me feel fat and ugly and most specially I feel like an ugly duckling for 15 years!!!

4:15 pm

I feel bitter...I always feel self-pity here in Cavite... I wanna leave the hometown... I need money...I wanna do nose perfection, skin gluta and dripping, butt perfection ...In a way I want to enhance my butt... In God's time...

I still have the windblow trap... I feel self-pity...I wanna see donkey and camel...

I want my individuality except I can have the mansion house with swimming pool... I feel intimidated by some Cavite people...

5:52 pm

Uncle Jun is already here 30 minutes ago in the kitchen....

Doing his tik-tokings and playing games...

8:20 pm

I still have the windblow trap...I feel bad... I wanna leave the hometown... I need a self-fulfillment... I need money... I don't wanna grow old without my own story...I feel frustrated...

Sometimes,I don't wanna get married here or perhaps I haven't seen the right man again. Someone who is mature coz I have so many wants right now and I'm not pushing myself but asking a lil back-up from I think my friends... I considered my friends...

Again, I can't be with super skinny... I lost my glamour coz I need to have some self-fulfillment for awhile... I wanna have some story and I feel hurt, I lost my own story since 2007...

8:56 pm

Probably, I will stream later 11 or midnight angels... Hoping some angels will come over to accompany me and hope the crowning Prince of Dubai can see me in Tagged.

12 am

I can't go on live angels coz the glàss door going to the kitchen got stuck...

Uncle Jun is trying to fix it... So,weird or paranormal???

1:05 pm

It is fixed already...

Next issue there are so many ticks in the house,it seems a spell...

[romanceboys]

(interview) gq korea february issue 2021 — shinee minho “i’m still as passionate as ever”

1. i heard that your schedule ran until dawn today. you still look energetic.  no matter how exhausted i am, my condition improves once i wake up and take a shower. because it’s like the usual morning routine. 2. you take pride in the fact that your stamina is second to none, right? it reminded me of something you said long ago. i wouldn’t go as far as to say that it’s my pride, but i do know my stamina is stronger than most. my energetic appearance is my positive characteristic as well. 3. moreover, it hasn’t been long since you were discharged from the marines.  well, it seems like my stamina has gotten better. hahaha. 4. there must be a lot that you want to do. what do you enjoy doing the most these days? since it’s not the kind of situation where i can roam about freely, i’ve been spending a lot of time with my family. i was with them on christmas and new year’s. i’d barely done this since debut so i think it was a good thing. even in the military, i missed my people the most. 5. that must be why on the day of your discharge you made a surprise appearance at taemin’s music broadcast waiting room. in your military uniform.  i rushed straight from pohang. the shinee members were gathered to support taemin, and the staff that had been with us for over ten years was present too. when i looked back on shinee’s activities in the military, the very fun and enjoyable memories felt vague, but on that day they became clear to me right away. this is why we’ve continued together for so long. 6. what do you talk about with your members? since we’re currently preparing for our album, we’ve been talking about us as a team a lot. things like shinee’s (future) direction and what we ought to show. 7. did you figure something out? up till now shinee has often attempted unique and novel challenges, musically and stylistically. there were times when things were derived from what we did first, or even times when we had to question ourselves “is this okay?” before taking a bold step. but because we're an idol group, we folded under inevitable stereotypes and could not ignore them. however, we now collectively agree on preserving our artistic aspect well in order to show off a more distinct musical colour. 8. agreed. can you tell us which song represents shinee’s identity? the title track of the 4th album ‘view’ was shinee’s turning point. prior to this, the group was mostly known for its strength in performance, but through this song we were able to show the type of musical colour we pursued. we tried deep house at a time when the genre was unknown to k-pop and though it was not done without reservations, we got the response we expected. it’s basically what the entire (odd) album stands for. 9. besides music or performance, is there any other scene that can portray shinee well? having overcome many obstacles, we can’t define ourselves simply by saying ‘yes, this is us.’ rather, if there were to be a documentary made on shinee, i wonder how it’d be like to have the opening scene unveil the members’ perfectly human state instead of their moments of glory. for instance, saying whatever i want to without hesitation. without worrying, without walking on eggshells.  10. are you a quiet person? though i do joke around easily, i try to be careful with my words. i’m more of a listener than a talker. 11. you lived entirely as choi minho in the military. did you live true to yourself or were you able to discover a new side? it’s both. i had a lot of time for introspection. i reflected on the time spent and thought about what was good or disappointing, it unveiled a side of me that i hadn’t even considered while working as shinee minho. rather than saying it changed me, i was able to understand myself more definitively as a person. what i could be honest about and careful with with people became clear to me, i also realised that my strengths can become my weaknesses. 12. what made you think that? i thought i had an outgoing personality, but in retrospect i was more concerned about the people around me than myself. the other party can only be at ease if i’m comfortable... i was so busy being considerate that i ended up becoming stressed without realising. 13. an upright and serious image comes to mind when we say minho, turns out there was a complicated reason for it. it’s because i wasn’t even aware of it. i believe it’s something i need to work on to become a better person. this is also why i’m looking forward to my thirties. i’m curious about the areas i’ll mature in. 14. among the expressions that describe minho are passion and giving it your all. when do you think was your most passionate era? when i debuted as shinee, practicing blindly and then promoting made me feel like i was lacking a lot which affected my confidence. after our first concert, however, i became less anxious and worried. i realised that there were many fans who supported me. all i could think of was that i had to give it my best. my passion from back then is still the same as ever. it’s my understanding that i’ve come all the way to the present without cooling down. 15. what meaning does passion hold for you? does it mean that you’re very ambitious/greedy? i used to think passion and ambition meant the same thing. i was very certain that you could achieve anything if you were ambitious enough and worked hard. i hypnotized myself into believing that because i wanted it so badly, not because i was being reckless. as i started gaining more experience, i began to differentiate between the two. if passion means doing what you can to the best of your abilities, then greed is limiting yourself when you try something new because you wonder whether you can do it well. and that is why confidence is important. if you’re confident, then you can carry greed with a positive energy. 16. have you now gotten used to acting and promoting as shinee at the same time? at first i thought i could do it even if it was difficult. turns out that wasn’t the case. killing two birds with one stone wasn’t as easy as i thought. i don’t want to let either go. instead of saying yes it’s hard or i’m disappointed in the results, i believe this is a problem i need to solve. 17. your first activity after discharge was acting. you made a special appearance in the drama ‘lovestruck in the city,’ what was your first line? “please wear this.” i cannot forget it. 18. why not? one of my favourite words is ‘first.’ your first experiences are always unforgettable. seconds are usually a vague memory. that’s why firsts are extremely meaningful. standing before the camera for the first time after discharge felt like i was starting anew. the scene wasn’t even that hard, but i was very nervous. just like the first time i acted, i vividly remember the day’s situation, people, the atmosphere, and the weather. 19. do you remember your first scene as well? it’s been more than a decade.  it was a one-episode short drama; the scene was filmed inside a tow truck. i don’t remember my line very well, but the actors, the hustle and bustle of the staff outside the window, the glaring sunlight, the tow truck i sat in for the first time are all still very vivid. i try not to forget it. 20. do you remember the first praise you received for your acting?  hm, many people around me say nice things, but i’ve never considered those as compliments. it’s because i don’t think i’ve done anything praiseworthy yet. so let’s just say my first praise doesn’t exist for now. 21. that is a very objective yet cool answer. then what do you think is something you need courage to do?  everyday things.... like cooking. i can’t bring myself to even think about it, but i should attempt it before it’s too late. 22. by the way, you started sns. you did say in an interview that you did not see the need for socials, so what changed your mind? i received so many letters from fans in the military. i read every single one of them, and in most of them fans asked me to share my daily life through sns. though i did joke around saying that i’d rather hold a personal photo exhibition than create socials, i got one as a present for fans who spent two years waiting for me. but i’m not sure if i can manage it well. 23. do you tend to record your personal life through pictures like others? haha. not at all. i’m working towards it these days. 24. when was your sns profile picture taken?  when i was three or four years old. i racked my brain over this too. whether to upload a sefie or to go for a cool vibe. 

translated by romanceboys — take out with full credit (source)

[purplesurveys]

1422

survey by joybucket

How old were you when...

you had your first crush? I was around 12 when I first felt something that felt like a crush, I guess. I never did get to figure out what my deal was with Andi, but I guess it’s safe to assume it was ~butterflies in my stomach~ at the very least.

you had your first kiss? I was 16.

you had your first boyfriend or girlfriend? I was also 16. My first kiss happened a few months after we first started dating.

you made your first best friend? 7, when I met Angela in first grade. Clicked instantly even though our initial encounter had me accidentally stabbing her hand with a pencil.

you had your first break-up with a significant other? 17. We had a weird phase after that but got back together a year after.

Trigger warning after the cut.

you started your period (if you're a girl)? It had only been a month after I turned 10. I was an early bird haha and apparently it runs in the family as my mom also got hers at the same age.

you got engaged? I am very much single.

you got married? Refer to last answer.

you lost your virginity? I was 18.

you had your first child? I don’t have kids.

you first moved out of your house? I haven’t moved out.

you graduated high school? I was technically 17 but was bound to turn 18 that year.

you started college? 18.

you moved out of your house permanently? Isn’t this the same question as the one three questions ago?

you first cut yourself? Jesus Christ this was sudden lol. I was also 18. I never would have even considered self-harm, but I hit a rough patch and happened to be around a friend who performed it, so in the end I got influenced. I’m really happy and proud I haven’t done it in two years, though.

you first thought about suicide? Like 10 years old. I didn’t exactly have the best upbringing.

you learned your first swear word? 5, because I used to watch my dad as he played video games that contained cuss words hahaha. I even slipped once by saying ‘fuck’ when I was 5, just because I had ended up memorizing the dialogue in the game. I couldn’t get in trouble since my dad let me watch in the first place anyway.

you started swearing? 11, also the same age I first got exposed to the internet and picked up an abundance of swear words. I started to think it was ‘normal,’ so I started saying them too.

you had your first date? I was 16. If I remember correctly, we went to a museum and this nice little Italian-American restaurant after.

you had your first sleepover? It was also the above date. The person slept over at my place the same night, but nothing happened.

you were first baptized? Two months old.

you were baptized and it meant something? What does this even mean? Hahaha I was two months old when I got baptized, period.

you made you first huge regret? I don’t really keep track of my regrets, so I couldn’t tell ya.

you felt mature? I guess when I got into my first relationship when I was 16. I never thought I’d be the type to ever find myself a partner, so it gave me a huge ego boost when it came to feeling mature, haha.

you first were in love with someone? 16. A lot of these scenarios typically come in a sequence, so.

you first experienced love at first sight? I’ve never experienced that and idk if I ever will.

you first encountered God? I mean I was born and raised Catholic, so I’ve been around this whole space from the moment I was born.

you started going to church? I think my mom started bringing me to church when I was around 4 or 5.

you got drunk for the first time? 18. I was scared to touch alcohol before then.

you first tried drugs? If we’re counting stuff like caffeine, then I guess I was around 12. But things like nicotine and weed I started experimenting with only in my twenties.

you started to think about your appearance? I was around 16 or 17.

you first joined facebook? 14, I think? My parents wanted to follow the rules and keep me off Facebook til I was 16 (or is the age limit til 18? I forget), but I didn’t really have a choice since I had a school project at the time that required me to upload stuff via Facebook. I tried to make the account private but eventually relatives found me and that’s how my parents found out.

you got a cell phone? I was 6, going on 7. Peer pressure’s fault lmao. My classmates were starting to get phones and I wanted to ~fit in~ even though we were all technically still in preschool at the time.

you got your own laptop? 19. I was a pretty late bloomer when it came to this.

you got your own digital camera? I never got a digital camera but my dad did get me a DSLR when I was 12, back when I told him I wanted to dabble in photography.

you got your own car? I was 17. My parents got it for me since I was about to start college and needed a way to get to school, and I wasn’t interested in learning how to commute.

you got your driver's license? 18.

you first got pregnant? I’ve never been pregnant.

you felt alive for the first time? I never really thought about it.

felt loved for the first time? I’ve never thought about this either.

[surveysonfleek]

1595.

1. Do you like zombie movies? no i dont. ive never liked anything zombie related. 2. What’s the grossest/worst thing you’ve ever seen in a public restroom? shit and blood on the toilet seat, multiple times. my last workplace was horrible and it was an employees only bathroom. i just cant believe some women out there. 3. What’s the most wasteful thing you regularly do? this hahaha. tiktok even. 4. What’s the most difficult apology you’ve ever had to give? im...not sure? im the type of person that will only apologise if i truly mean it so i cant say any of them have been particularly difficult 5. What’s the worst relationship advice you’ve ever seen? out of the 12 years ive been dating, i havent asked for dating advice much

6. Have you ever volunteered in a hospital? If not, would you ever want to? no and probably not unless i turned rich and didnt have a job 7. What was your worst Halloween costume? a devil haha, it made it worse coz my two friends were bald ghosts. it was a bad idea lol but we were kids 8. Who has/had the worst reputation in your graduating class? this was so long ago i wouldnt even remember their names 9. When was the first time you can remember feeling mature? when i got my period bahaha. lame reason but i felt like a ~woman~ 10. Have you ever had a disappointing Christmas, or any disappointing holiday if you don’t celebrate Christmas? nah, i like christmases. its a reason to eat and get presents 11. Do you have any character bandaids in your house right now, or just plain ones? plain 12. Have you ever had to give a pet away? no, but my sister gave away her rabbit to a family friend 13. What’s the junkiest junk food you’ve ever eaten? ive had a personal charcuterie as a snack before lmao, that cant be healthy 14. Did you play pretend a lot as a child? Were there any recurring plots or themes? yeah, id just play ‘house’ a lot. pretending to cook and clean 15. How do you feel about runny egg yolks? hate them, theyre disgusting! i need the yolk fully cooked to be able to eat it 16. Has a teacher ever tried to teach you something that was undeniably wrong? nothing comes to mind 17. If for some reason you had to give up one of your hobbies, which would you choose? tiktok lol 18. Have you ever hidden a relationship from your family? yes but not for too long 19. How much do you know about first aid? nothing... i know how to tend a minor cut only 20. Which of your relatives do you know the least about? hmm my oldest cousins on my dad’s side. i met them like once when i was a kid 21. Have you ever meditated? If so, did it do anything for you? no 22. Have you ever given advice to someone who was much older than you? yes haha 23. Have you ever used a view-master? are they those red things with the disc things? if so, yes 24. Do you ever listen to talk radio or podcasts? If you do, what are some of your favorite shows? yes. i listen to stupid ones, not true crime like everyone else lmao. i love big mood, wild til 9, no chaser, fool coverage and canceled. 25. When was the last time you got ice cream from a truck? LMAO. 3 weeks ago hahaha. 26. Are any of your favorite bands broken up or on hiatus right now? not that i know of 27. Do you know any sex workers? If so, how do they feel about their job? i dont know anyone personally 28. What’s the biggest art project you’ve ever attempted? How did it go? ive gotten into painting atm. im experimenting on small canvases atm so its been pretty easy 29. What kind of wild animals do you see most frequently where you live? ducks, swans, lizards, birds. theres been a lot of snakes spotted which is a bit scary 30. Have you ever cooked anything other than s’mores over a fire? tbh... no lol. 31. Are there any items in your house that you use for something other than its intended purpose? nah, nothing interesting. for example, ive used old candle jars to propagate plant cuttings lol  32. What do you hope the afterlife is like? im not sure. i hope i love wherever it may be 33. What’s the worst behavior you’ve ever seen from a child? idk, i cap it at when the kids hit their parents. 34. Have you ever planned an act of revenge? haha no 35. Do you and your parents share any of the same hobbies? nah, diff generations lmao 36. Do you think it’s more exciting or scary to get older? both! i hate the idea of actually fully adulting :( 37. How was the reception of the last wedding you attended? it was cool! it was an old friend that we hadnt spoken to in years so we were surprised we were invited. 38. Do you have any physical photo albums? yes 39. Would you feel comfortable working at a sex shop? no, i dont know anything about the shit they would sell 40. Who was the worst friend you ever had? lmao ive had theeeee most toxic friends before toxic was a thing! its true what they say, the older u get, the less friends u have and im happy with my crew now 41. What’s the biggest sacrifice you’ve ever made? idk tbh 42. Have you ever campaigned for a political candidate, or otherwise played an active role in an election? no lol 43. What’s the coolest hand-me-down you’ve ever gotten? What about the best one you’ve ever given? haha nothing cool. i gave my old kindle to my sister. 44. Do your parents and grandparents get along with each other? yeah, from what i saw i guess

[no6secretsanta]

Day off.

Hey, it’s me, Apricot! I was so happy when I received the e-mail that you were my giftie @marykedoesart . I hope you like it!! <3

(from ApricotMori_ (twitter))

- Oh, boys! It’s such a shame you have to go, but don’t forget to come back soon, alright, Shion? And Nezumi…

- Yes, madam? 

- I know how happy you make my son and that brings me joy all the time, but that doesn’t mean you can’t hurt me… Stop buying those muffins near your home and come visit me. I’ll give you fresher ones for free, alright? 

Karan’s voice was sweet and caring, filled with that tender mother-like tone she has always had. Yet there was a little drop of anger noise between those words. She was smiling widely, her eyes were hidden by the curvature on her lips, and she was caressing Nezumi’s cheek. However… Shion was aware of how those words pierced Nezumi’s cool mask and shattered it.

That’s how her mother was like, a kindhearted woman, but also a strong one who would not accept anything but the best for those she appreciated dearly. And, yes, her muffins were the best around the city, and, yes, she appreciated Nezumi a lot. Shion would sometimes joke about how she just quitted on being his mother, because she put Nezumi under her wing. How could she take for granted that he tasted somebody else’s muffins?

“Elyurias was scary, but your mother has some guts”, Nezumi once admitted to Shion, so Shion couldn’t help but laugh at the image exposed right in front of his eyes.

Nezumi’s façade was somber and he was frightened because he couldn’t just play a stage to run away; Karan knew him better. She would immediately perceive it. 

- Mom, it’s been my fault. He never eats them, it’s me who asks him to go and buy some when I have to work until midnight… Stop scaring him.

- Oh! So Nezumi, are my muffins still your favorite ones?

- Of course, my dearest lady. They always have been and they always will be.

Nezumi bent down with his right palm against his chest, as elegant as someone from the realms.

He never lied; it was nothing else, but the truth. He wasn’t picky with food, but when it came to muffins that weren’t Karan’s, he would find all the excuses: too dry or not sweet enough, or whatever else. Those were the only exception.

They shared their farewells. The two boys started walking downhill with paper bags full of bread and Nezumi’s favorite desserts. The food was fresh, the smell was soothing, and it was still warm, so the bags felt nice against their torsos. It contrasted perfectly with the night that was starting to fall over them. As it grew darker, people would come back to their homes to get dinner, so the streets were kind of lonely except for the two figures that were walking and talking something unimportant, but still could steal some laughter; once or twice.

- If Your Majesty wants to, there’s no way this faithful servant could stop him… But, for real, Shion, the last time that didn’t turn out well. 

- I’m not sixteen anymore… Besides, if I start rubbing my nose with yours again, you can now just kiss me.

- Hmph.

Nezumi smirked. “Who has given so much confidence to this hopeless idiot?” he thought while grabbing Shion’s paper bags.

A bell announced Shion’s arrival to the liquor store, an item a little too classic for that kind of business, but it was good that some places still had those old rarities.

The city that once existed inside big walls was no longer there. It turned out way better than Nezumi could have expected. It grew at a record rate and now tall buildings full of better and eco-friendly technology stood there. Poverty was a word that couldn’t be used; everyone could afford to cover all their necessities without any class distinctions. People were able to choose their path and chase after their dreams out of government influence. 

After so many years, people that were from West Block and people that were from No. 6 had come to understand each other’s destinies. None of the citizens arbitrarily decided nor pulled the trigger of the lives each had to endure. It was all government faults and it had been clarified, cleaned, and restructured.

Forgiveness came; hatred and revenge was something from the past. When Nezumi first stepped into No. 6, he inhaled deeply; the fragrance of freedom, the sense of safety, and the vibes of certainty. It invaded him like air inside his lungs.

After more than 12 years later from that step, he still felt the same way. It was good. No, it was beyond good. Not the city conditions precisely, but to trust and rely on someone and received foremost from that someone. What a lesson life had given him. No. Nezumi didn’t believe in destiny or faith, the lesson was given by no one else, but Shion. 

He still could only trust and rely only on Shion, and even if there was only one person to trust, Nezumi could also come with some more forgiveness about his past choices.

- Nezumi, mmh, why are you smiling so peacefully? 

Shion came out with bottles of what seemed to be grape juice, but it was wine; the cheapest kind. He couldn’t be entrusted to do that task because he would go in and buy the one already known. Shion only had alcohol at West Block, that particular day, next to Nezumi. None of them had money to waste, so they accepted Rikiga’s gift: the cheapest wine and also the only one that could be found on those God forgotten streets. 

Shion had opportunities to learn the names of other types and brands of alcohol at some fancy reunions he was invited to, but he didn’t try them. Not once. He wanted to preserve the flavor from the one that tasted like treasured memories.

- You’re starting to lose your sight sense. You are not getting any younger, Shion. You should go to the doctor to do a checkup.

- Hahaha. We are the same age, Nez-

- Whatever. Give me that bag, your doll prince hands will tear.

- I no longer have those hands. Don’t be silly, Nezumi. Better use your free hand to hold mine.

- Mngh… Gotcha, prince.

Shion found that abrupt answer: weird. It did not matter how pierced Nezumi’s tongue was, he would always let Shion speaks before giving a comeback. However, even if it was weird Nezumi was smiling so relaxed and he seemed to be lost in his thoughts. It had to mean he was letting himself be comfortable around the idea surrounding his mind. It was a good sign.

Nezumi still has a hard time putting his guard down, but he’s been able to do it lately, and that was what mattered… But still was an opportunity for Shion to tease him a little bit.

- Maybe you were thinking of me. 

- You think too highly of yourself.

- I’ve learned from the best.

- You’re a fast learner with theory, but not an accurate one with practice.

- Remember your words, Nezumi.

- I always do.

They arrived home.

A small mouse, black and fast, had given his welcome and earned a piece of bread… There was no way that tiny friend would let Shion or Nezumi step inside if they didn’t greet him with some treat first. Maybe that little mouse stayed next to Shion just to have a life free pass to try what Cravat always did when delivering the letters back on the days they lived at the bunker.

- You spoiled him. Such an obedient mouse turned into a brat at the hands of another brat. What a tragedy!

 Nezumi said and put everything in their kitchen while Shion took a bath. Later they just changed roles. 

“They were still in the happier stage of love. They were full of brave illusions, so that the communion of self with self seemed to be on a plane where no other human relations mattered”

“I don’t ask you to love me always like this, but I ask you to remember. Somewhere inside of me there will always be the person I am tonight”.

- Tender is the night, F. Scott Fitzgerald

- Remind me again why are we reading this book? When we finish it, you will be crying like a little girl.

- I don’t care. I pretty much just like listening to you.

- What am I going to do with that cheesy mouth of yours?

- I have some ideas, but we can discuss them later when we go to bed.

- Mmnh, mmnh.

- … And I wanted you to listen to that quote.

- You still are an airhead, jeez. Shion, we’re not 16 anymore. Shion, you’ve changed. And so did I. We became more mature; more adult-like. But your naive essence remains the same… Pretty much. Quite impressive if you ask me.

- Hey! That was meant to be cute all the way.

Nezumi was absolutely teasing him, having his small revenge for a couple of hours ago. He was more than charmed by Shion’s idea to spend the night. And… the cheesy mouth had been cute all the way. Yes. Nezumi still has a hard time taking sweet actions, but he, at least, could acknowledge them. Specially when they came from his unique airhead: Shion.

With a smile on his face and his body stuffed with good humor, he filled two cups with the crimson liquor and gave one to Shion.

- Yeah, yeah. Look if you try to bite me just once, this wine will end up as your personal hair dye.

- This hair you love so much? 

- You’re right. Your pastel yellow pajama pants will be, then. Why do you have such a bad sense of fashion anyway?

- I don’t know, probably because I have no eyes for anything that is not you.

- For real, Shion? Are you trying to flirt with me that way? Tsk, tsk, it’s worse than Shakespeare.

- It still is the truth. 

- Hopeless.

- …ly in love.

- Oh, shut up! You’re scaring Tsukiyo.

Contrary to his words, the mouse was having a good time with a few more pieces of bread. Tsukiyo cheep cheep-ed and it sent the two boys into a burst of hysterical laughter.

They hadn’t even tasted the wine, and they were already having a good time. 

They wanted to remember something tasted and shared more than 12 years ago. Something that, at the time, brought them eases and some sort of comfort from everything that had been going on, and they succeeded. They succeeded at being two dorky teenagers when they deserved it. They teased each other, they fell on the floor and they laughed when life wasn’t being any good. By that time, alcohol was a small escape, more like an excuse because it was not the way to; kind of an accessory. By this time, as accessories just decor, wine was again unnecessary. It also turned out it wasn’t to their liking. The two cups just cooled down at the table when Nezumi thought of something that also made the two of them happy back on those days.

A dance.

With the widest smile, Nezumi took Shion and pulled him closer. Just like that day, Nezumi had a crave to feel Shion’s warmth against his. 

- Let’s see how much your Majesty has improved.

- …

Shion wanted to say he never danced again after that day, but once again, as it always happens, he got lost in the pair of grey eyes that looked deeply into him.

After so much time spent together, Shion could, at least, recognize his silly grin and react differently than just standing there thunderstruck and unable to move.

Their feet waltzed around. Nezumi’s movement was elegant and even more precise than when they were 16 years old, and something melted inside Shion’s heart.  “On his travels… he danced. There were times he was so carefree he would just… dance”.

Shion giggled and let the sudden twirls of his heart guided his steps. They had no music. The only rythm heard was their foot stepping here and there, Nezumi’s one, two, three, and Shion’s silly laughter.

- What is it, my stubborn child? Tell me so I can laugh with you. - It’s nothing, Nezumi. You’ve become better at this and I haven’t. That’s it. - I wouldn’t say that. I’m quite impressed by his Majesty’s performance. And Nezumi did start laughing at the unison with Shion. It was so easy to be together, so easy to enjoy their presences, to be gentle and kind to each other.

Nezumi’s heart was also melting while dancing. For similar, yet, somehow, different reasons. He was feeling some sort of happiness. There was still a long way for him to go through, but after so many years of hatred and guilt, he had slowly learned to move on from the darkness and let the light come into his life.

It was such a ridiculous way to explain it, but Nezumi couldn’t help it. Some things are just the way they are… and it was the most accurate way to express the process he accidentally went through on his travel.

He left for the sake of running away from a tumult of overwhelming feelings and as an unexpected consequence: he freed himself from chains that were holding him, blinding him and pining him down as some kind of martyr.

He wasn’t a martyr anymore. He deserved to make his own life choices and enjoy new experiences… He called it hope and hope brought him freedom.

Freedom brought him back to Shion.

Shion had also changed. At first glance, Shion would look like he had been sharpened by a knife, but then he would smile and make the whole world stop for a while. He turned calculative, strong, determined and even ambitious, but he was still the warm human being Nezumi met at 12 years old, he was still the warm human being who came back from hell.

Shion never lost his humanity. He found a meaning to this world while restructuring the city. A meaning he told Nezumi would rather keep to himself.

It was fine that way for Nezumi. But sometimes he would just wonder… or maybe he was just projecting his discoveries onto Shion: Shion also found freedom.

Maybe he wanted to experience all the shapes and shades of humanity that were attached to this lifetime. 

- Would you life to travel this time with me?

- I’d love to.

Maybe such an intense, expansive, and complex experience was a good starting point to approach all the variating tones of life. Nezumi once had a taste.

-… and I love you.

- Shion you keep on being so cheesy.

-…

- But I love you too.

And as Fitzgerald would agree, even if the way they loved each other had changed, changed or would change, they’ll remember that somewhere inside of them they would always be the same as they were when they met… when they saved each other’s life and when they drifted apart, and, of course, when reunion came.

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Episode 5: The Trip

This episode is one of my favourites simply because we get high!Malcolm.

Here are my thoughts.

SPOILERS AHEAD

1:15 - Malcolm’s hair is attractive like this. 

2:29 - Poor Malcolm is deteriorating fast. At least he knows he needs sleep? I guess that’s good?

3:00 - Malcolm’s startled self-deprecation here is upsetting. Does he really think that when it comes to relationships/non-murder related things he’s incapable of being right?

3:26 - When Malcolm isn’t doing well, but he’s actively trying to convince others that he’s fine, he ends up looking very manic.

4:20 - “Where are they going?” That look? That is desperation. The look in Gil’s eyes? That is pain. That is concern. I am living for it. 

4:45 - The look Gil give Bright here breaks my heart. You can tell that Gil wants nothing more than to wrap Bright in a blanket and haul him off to some sort of safe place until Bright feels better.

5:00 - Confirmation that even if Malcolm’s dad wasn’t a serial killer he wouldn’t be a stereotypical sports loving guy. 

5:50 - It’s upsetting that Malcolm looks happiest at crime scenes. 

6:25 - “He’s literally covered in drugs.”  hahaha JT is the best. 

7:10 - Aww Malcolm, reign it in buddy. Dani seemed annoyed before you started profiling her. 

7:34 - Gil’s face here is perfect. It’s a face that says “I work with children. I regret the life decisions that led me into this room.”

8:07 - Why doesn’t Malcolm know about this? It happened after the 90s. He met Gil in ‘98. Gil took him on stakeouts. Did Gil never tell him work stories!? Nah. I don’t buy it. This explanation was for the audience. Malcolm already knew. 

8:08 - ...So the woman in the pew that we just saw. Is she really present for the whole drug/police convo that’s about to happen? Does it get her killed? Seems like a church should be evacuated before police and drug dealers discuss dangerous information in it. Maybe that’s just me?

8:10 - Gil blesses himself. Gil is catholic? Do you think he ever took Malcolm to church? Does he regularly attend church or is this a childhood habit that Gil has? Was Gil raised catholic but moved away from the church as an adult? I’m fascinated by this. I want information.

9:10 - Is Dani ok? I mean I know why she’s acting the way she is (because rewatch) but she seems really upset this whole episode. Is there something else going on with her?

9:50 - *sigh* He’s having hallucinations now too?! This is not good. Our boy needs help. ALSO - The looks that Malcolm get from JT and Gil are everything. They look so concerned. My heart is full. 

11:09 - Last episode Malcolm had a desk. Now he’s working (with a pencil cup) in the case board room? Is this by choice? Because he wants to be able to look at the board or did he somehow lose desk privileges? Does he share the desk with someone else? I have questions. 

11:40 - There’s something really beautiful about the way Dani and Malcolm interact. It’s when we see Malcolm at his most calm and rational. It’s when we see Dani at her most vulnerable. Dani is such a badass but when she interacts with Malcolm there’s a beautiful softness about her. There’s a vulnerability to both of them that’s too precious for this world. You can see how much they care about each other (as friends or more, I’m not getting into the Brightwell debate).

12:20 - You ever wonder if Malcolm experimented with street drugs as a teenager/college student? I do. I wonder if he was so desperate to numb his pain that he tried street drugs in addition to his prescriptions. Maybe when he was at Harvard? 

12:40 - Malcolm looks to Gil for permission. Another instance where we see that Malcolm has a big heart. Yes Malcolm is manic and weird but he also cares about others. He has tact. It’s just that sometimes he chooses to be blunt, or to be insensitive when he’s desperate for information pertaining to a case/his past. 

13:03 - Holy crap. That look on Malcolm’s face. He’s scared. For Dani. Well. My heart has melted. 

13:40 - How many staff members does Jessica have? She lives alone. In a townhouse. She has no yard to maintain. So far there’s been Louisa, Aldolpho, and now Kimberly....Rich people live a weird life. 

14:10 - How did Eve find out that Jessica was looking to donate money if she wasn’t invited to this luncheon? Who told Eve about it? Or was Eve spying on the Whitly family? 

14:35 - I’ll be honest: I immediately didn’t/don’t like Eve. It seemed weird that she showed up uninvited to the Jessica’s place. Eve’s confidence is mixed with a sort of ambition that just rubs me the wrong way. Basically, she reminds me too much of someone I didn’t like in high school. 

15:30 - Malcolm really doesn’t do undercover well does he? I mean he’s sooo overdressed. Couldn’t he have at least taken off his tie before going to this club? He sticks out like a sore thumb. Did Malcolm come to the club to talk to Estime or because he profiled that Dani would come to the club and he was worried about her? 

16:18 - “That’s a bad guy window.” This line is cute. What’s cuter is how relaxed Malcolm is in this scene. It’s the most calm we’ve seen him all episode. 

17:20 - Did Dani and Estime have a romantic relationship in the past? The way they’re interacting seems to imply it. 

17:53 - And we’re right back to manic Malcolm. Look at his eyes. Yikes. This dude really obsesses over mysteries. 

18:50 - Why did the gun wielding dude suddenly go away? Did he assume he made the kill he came there for? Did he know the cops were coming? 

18:52 - Here comes angry Dad. 

19:21 - and here is Concerned Dad. 

19:32 - Ok. So Malcolm is high here (which is hilarious) but that little speech he gives to Gil is really touching and honestly completely on the mark. Do you think Gil and Malcolm ever discussed it when Malcolm was sober? Do you think Malcolm ever told that to Gil before this moment? I honestly think Gil needed to hear that. Even if it was from high!Bright. He looked really close to snapping at one (or both) of his children. He needed to remember why he loves them. Why they love him.

20:00 - Seriously. Gil is just the team Dad. I want to see a team dinner at Gil’s place. Where Gil asks everyone about their day and acts like a total Dad. 

20:36 - How did Malcolm get into his weapon collecting hobby?

21:07 - It’s heartbreaking that Malcolm is the happiest we’ve ever seen him when he’s high as a kite. 

21:38 - That’s unfiltered. That’s a man who lost all his friends when he was ten years old and was never able to make new ones. That is a man who desperately wants a friend. That is a woman who is terrified to trust. That is a woman who wants a friend. A woman who needs a friend.

22:21 - Why is it that Malcolm conveniently has food in his fridge right now? In subsequent episodes his fridge is bare. He’s admitted that most food makes him sick. Why does he have ingredients for grilled cheese tonight of all nights? I mean I know why (because the writers deemed it so) but it seems out of character?

22:40 - Dude. Malcolm has so much product in his shower. What are all of those bottles?!? And what are they for?! 

23:11 - Malcolm’s pill bottles are on the counter. Dani can see them. Does she read the labels? Does she ask him about them later? ALSO WHY ARE THERE 3 HALF FULL WATTER GLASSES ON THE COUNTER?!? He lives alone. Is one of them Dani’s? Is that a boy thing? My 20 year old brother regularly has 2-3 half full glasses of water/juice in the kitchen. It drives me crazy.

23:18 - Anyone else desperate to know what’s at the top of the stairs in Malcolm’s loft? Where do those stairs GO?

23:28 - Props to Tom Payne. This is such a believable panic attack. It’s heart breaking but honest. 

24:40 - This is it. Malcolm’s deepest fear. That he is just like his father. That he is capable of murder. That he would enjoy it. That he already has murdered someone as a child.

26:20 - Why didn’t Dani sleep on the couch? Did she leave Malcolm to sleep in the shower? Did she somehow move him to the bed? Apparently Dani did dishes though (or Malcolm when Dani was sleeping) because there is only 1 half empty glass on the counter now. 

26:21 - Anyone want to talk about how attractive Tom Payne looks in this scene? Just me? Ok. 

26:47 - I love this. The vulnerability. They trust each other enough to open up to each other. They need each other. They’re both in more pain than they pretend to be in. 

27:34 - What was Dani’s drug of choice? ALSO I want a fic of Papa!Gil taking care of a detoxing Dani. 

28:12 - Gil’s smile. His conversation with Dani. Dani’s apology. UgH. It’s perfect. He’s such a dad. He’s already forgiven her before she even tries to apologize. He’s happy to see her and he’s happy that Malcolm’s ok. 

28:23 - You know. We give Malcolm a lot of shit in this fandom for not being able to take care of himself (and rightfully so). BUT. Can we for one minute appreciate how Dani, Gil, Malcolm, and JT are all really mature, good adults? Seriously. They take responsibility for their mistakes. They apologize when necessary. They have manners. They talk to each other when something is bothering them and the time is right (well, Malcolm’s not great at this but he’s doing it better than most adults I know). 

28:48 - Ugh. Eve is back. She’s mining for information from Jessica. I can’t stand this. 

30:00 - Does this mean that Malcolm’s childhood bedroom is still intact?!? I want to see it. I want the team to see it. I want that scene and I want it now. 

30:40 - Ok. SO Eve and Malcolm have been making eyes at each other throughout this whole scene. BUT I have to wonder (April 11/2020) - was Eve ever really interested in Malcolm? I mean he just admitted to having drugs explode in his face. He walked into the room talking about barbiturates and he looks manic af right now. Even if she thought he was cute (which he is) the red flags from this conversation should have been enough for her to stay away from him.  And yet - she pursues him. Makes me question how authentically she actually cares about him. 

32:19 - Where did JT go?!? He’s been gone for the past like 20 minutes of this episode. Did he get sick? Is he on another case? I need answers.

33:19 - Ok. So JT’s pulling a warrant with Gil. 

33:25 - That right there is an authentic smile. You can see how much Malcolm loves Gil here.

35:28 - I’ll be honest the “murder of the week” in this episode is boring to me. 

40:05 - This little scene between Malcolm and Dani over tea is super sweet. 

41:54 - You’re telling me that overbearing, intense Jessica didn’t look in that box before she sent it over to Malcolm. Nah. I’m not buying it. That woman has no boundaries when it comes to her children. 

Well. Thanks for hanging out. I’ll be back soon. 

[wingsoffireaus]

Shipping

Welp I lost it. But I had an ask questioning a ship I mentioned only once in passing as being a bad one. 10 points to the first one who gets which one it was.

Before I begin. I am not dissing on this person their pov is valid and the ask was pretty respectful all things considered but I do have a few things to say.

I really don't care if you don't ship something that I ship. Or if you have something personal against the ship in question. That's all on you. But if you would please not diss on these ships or harass me about them that would be wonderful.

I mean I'm old enough and mature enough (hahaha) that I can take it but what if I was say a 12 year old who had wandered into Tumblr somehow. (Actually I was essentially that kid just a couple of years ago.) And the first thing I get is someone "older and wiser" telling me what ships I can and cannot ship and how you are unethical for liking certain character and oh boy I'm getting more steamed about this then I meant to.

Basically what I'm saying is it can be a form of bullying. I had an experience like that on my first account at the ripe old age of 13 of 14 and it certainly didn't help my social anxieties.

Fandoms can be incredibly toxic. Especially when it comes to shipping. Someone may not like a ship for one reason or another and will come up with a reason why nobody should ship that ship that actually has very little basis in canonical interactions and then people will just follow because that's just what people do. We follow along without thinking it through ourselves.

And I want this to be a safe blog where we can all talk about our ships without feeling judged or hurt by anyone who disagrees with your ships.

I'm gonna come out and say it I don't like moonbli, Winterwatcher, or even glorynami. And I would like to be able to continue to make my personal feelings about that very clear. But I am 100% okay if anybody else likes them and wants me to take a stab at writing little AUs for them.

I am a strong advocate for the age old fanfiction tag of "don't like, don't read." And I hope I never make any of you feel stupid for an idea that you have for an AU or a pairing that you like. I can't say I will personally ship the same ships but I want everyone to feel included. Even if it is just watching me wreck my way chaotically through these AUs.

Well. This post ended up longer than intentional. Essentially. Don't diss on my ships. Don't diss on other people's ships. Be kind and remember we don't know everyone's life and what's going on behind closed doors. That person you messaged hate mail for liking a ship might be a 13 year old who has been struggling through middle school with no friends or come from a bad situation where the only escape the have is the internet.

Thank you and this has been another of my wonderful 'enlightening' rants which are more or less a dive into my psyche.

[cutegirlmayra]

I believe I have read most of your prompts but I haven't come across a prompt like this yet so here it is: years pass and Sonic and Amy grow closer with Amy becoming more mature and Sonic being more comfortable open with her. He slowly falls in love with Amy and is really confused with how he's feeling so he talks with Amy about it. I need me some awkward wholesome SonAmy >A

OHHHHHH The ideas in my head go round and round, round and round? Round and round! All into the ficlet~

I’d also like to remind my Cuties (Followers) out there to please remember that my Prompts are on SHUTDOWN. Do not send me prompt ideas, please! Some of you have and it only adds to my pile. Wait till they open again, okay?

Plus, you can read all my prompts on @idontworkforsega !

So… There’s more ‘drama’ than ‘cute awkwardness’ but I hope it heps that it’s in Sonic’s POV XD

THIS IS AN AU, lol

Prompt:

“It’s sort of weird you would ask me here, Sonic. Usually, we hang outside of movies and try to zip in free or dart if we get caught trying!” Amy, much older and much more matured now, giggled with a slight snort that caught her off guard as she held her hand up over her mouth.

It had been a while… a long while… since we’d taken a break from each other.

Amy swapped her iconic red and white dress for something more form-fitting. For some reason, she dressed like a punky rebel now, making me think I influenced her a little too much with those ‘daring movie dates’ of the past.

Those were meant to just be fun. Over time, it started confusing me. Amy, of course, saw them as officials dates until one day… she chilled out.

It’s like she had given up on thinking romantically about me, and after she did, I started hanging out with her more.

Who knew girls could be so… so…

Awesome?

We started doing a lot of derring-dos like jumping off skyscrapers, me grabbing her and scaling down the side. The city became more alive with random karaoke with the gang to sudden—competitive—miniature golf tourneys… just us two.

Amy never reached out to me anymore. She didn’t follow. She only ran towards the hottest sales and latest fashion. I would have hated it if she became some sort of a diva, but instead, she turned into a ‘do or die’ kind of girl… and honestly?

I’ve been feeling up for a ride.

“You used to like it here.” I lifted a leg up to the raised, concrete wall that cut off the city from the park. I wanted to take her away from the city’s air… I wanted to bring her back to her roots.

Nature…-Ish, I guess.

“Every time I brought you here,… you’d try and kiss me.” I thought that was a bit blunt, but she seemed to roll her eyes to me and lower them as if sensing a joke.

Which, it half was…

She laughed again, but this time, sticking her mouth straight up to the sky to really exaggerate the bounce her chin made at the ridiculous gesture. “Hahaha! Anytime I got with you seemed like a treat! I couldn’t help but think it a fantastic opportunity… A date…” she looked off into the park, and just as I planned, she looked to a couple who were sitting close to each other.

The girl’s legs were flopped over the dudes. His hand was resting on them while he flipped through his book, and she, her own.

“…Couples are so…” Amy started, which perked me up because I haven’t heard her speak about ‘couple’ topics in a few years now… “…Annoyingly sweet.” She looked away and suddenly started digging like a meerkat into the purse.

I frowned. My sudden enthusiasm at seeing the little 12-year-old girl again was diminished at her immediate side-swiping of the thought all together.

My eyes lowered, showing more of my dislike in these results. “What? You don’t want annoyingly cute anymore? I thought you were the master of that!” I laughed, again, trying to be slick about my approach with this.

Eggman had attacked just a few weeks ago. He was getting up there in age… then again, he always was. But for some reason, this old man dipped his toe into Ponce de León’s Fountain of Youth and has been his giddy, world-conquering self ever since…

Though, his latest scheme harkened back to my glory days. I thought it a nice touch, almost as if Eggman was giving me a birthday present or something. In a… murdering love… kind of way.

But Amy didn’t get me anything for my birthday.

That’s when I noticed she hadn’t hugged or doted on me in a long time.

I guess I never noticed after all the times we’ve casually hung out together, but Amy was starting to attract a lot of attention from other men.

I would occasionally see her flirting, which itched me the wrong way, to be honest, but turn any offers down when it came to making something serious.

I didn’t watch her or anything…

It’s called guarding your friends wisely.

Good friends do that.

Well, anyway… I started thinking maybe it was time to actually THINK about Amy Rose.

Ah… The rose that blew away from the wind… I definitely wasn’t expecting that.

It’s almost like she willingly did anything I dared and then suggested reckless—admittedly fun—activities just cause she knew I would do it instead of asking for my hand in marriage or dating schedules.

I honestly… missed those dating schedules.

Usually, on my birthday, she’d insist on treating me to something and then a movie.

That ‘something’ is what I dreaded most. It was THE most boringest activity any young girl could put upon an adventurous boy’s heart!

But I digress… This time, when she just said ‘Happy Birthday!’ and walked on like I meant nothing to her… I really was concerned.

The boys didn’t bother me. I knew nothing would really happen anyway.

Her not chasing after me during adventures wasn’t a big deal. I knew I could always swing by the apartment sometime and grab a bite to eat with her.

No homemade meals especially for Sonic The Hedgehog was a change, but I got used to snacks.

No marriage proposals were especially nice.

But the day she didn’t seem to even care I existed… that struck me the most and caused some sort of… lasting, depressing impression on me.

That’s why I asked her to the park today.

And… that’s admittedly why I planted our bums right in front of the adorable and openly visible couple.

“Oh, that?” She tilted her hair back to me, some earrings clanging along with the smooth movement. “Ha..ha..ha.” she wiggled her head to me, again the clanging jingled as if mocking me as well. “We both know I’ve grown out of that. Besides, I’m far too clever to waste my time on men.” She pulled out the desired object she was looking for in her purse.

A mirror.

As she pulled out some lipstick and started applying it, I couldn’t help but ball up my hand for a second, death-glaring that cherry-flavored lip gloss and look away with a scowl spreading across my face.

How could she torture me like that!?

“You don’t… feel anything towards men anymore?” I decided, heck! If she thinks I’m just teasing her, then I will.

It’s getting me somewhere. And I honestly can’t explain everything I’m feeling. Maybe if she talks more, I can better identify why her ‘self-absorbed’ attitude was getting to me lately…

I bit my thumb to hold in my anger. That stupid mirror. She used to look into my eyes to see herself. She never said it, but I knew that’s what she was doing.

I knew if I ever asked, she’d say something crazy like- I want to see myself as you see me, Sonic! And tee-hee like the innocent but lovestruck girl she was back then.

I looked back into her eyes.

The deep mascara-soaked eyelashes made it impossible to see through to her eyes. I couldn’t even see a reflection in them from this angle. The lashes draped over like shredded black curtains that bounced as she blinked gently.

I would have stared longer to describe them a bit better to you, but sadly, she looked up at me and winked, smiling.

I turned away with a flinch. I hated when she did that!

“Woah! For a second there, I could have sworn you blushed!”

Now I grinded my teeth together, “I was just embarrassed… is all.” I ruffled some of my quills up with my hand and then shook my head to drop them back down in place.

“You’re so funny, Sonic. You always were, but now… especially so!” she clicked her feet together and let them sway a moment as her shoulders bounced, letting her head duck down between them before she held it high and pompously again.

It’s like she knew she was pretty and didn’t care.

Like I wanted to stare and she wouldn’t let me.

Not like I cared what she would have wanted me to do…

“Nah… Men are just… men now.” She looked away again, but I could tell by her tone that something was off with that.

“…You giving up?” I asked and suddenly realized how awful that sounded.

I was about to try and make a quick save by forming a ‘joke’ out of it but she tilted her head and I grew silent.

“…I mean… haven’t you?” she turned her head to me. “About girls. You’ve never really been interested in anyone. I guess after some time, I just accepted that.” She nodded and I felt like every jump of her head was another stab in my back.

I twitched painfully at her nodding and turned away, darting my eyes a bit before looking back to the couple.

“…I didn’t give up.” I stated, a bit shallowly. “I just… never started.” I looked down to my hand, seeing it flex out as it tried to remain ‘cool’.

Why was this so awkward? Why did I feel sweaty and out of my element..? All of a sudden, she had made me tense and wary of her. What was this!?

“…Oh.” Amy looked forward again, and for once, I actually saw her a bit shaken up about me again.

“I just… always assumed you… you never liked… certain girls.” She suddenly started tugging on her hair, moving her fingers through it and quickly brushing it out. I slowly turned back, fascinated by the nervous movement and seeing some real flustered pink trace against her cheeks for the first time in a millennia of hanging out with her.

I was… kinda awestruck at it.

“I mean… you just were a … you know… womanizer or something.” She cleared her throat as if that was hard to say, and honestly, I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Why would I be a womanizer if I never flirted with anyone!?” I laughed, but she seemed spooked about that reaction too.

“But you-! You were always..!” she cut herself off, leaning forward to me before pulling herself back.

I hid my face behind my hand as I laughed, peeking through to hope she didn’t notice I was trying to lure out more of a confession in her.

If I knew how she felt… maybe… then I could understand what I was feeling…

She seemed really shaken up now, her head shifting about and her eyes looking at different specks on the ground.

She blushed, and I suddenly felt my heart soar as though racing up a loop-de-loop of the past.

“Amy…”

“I-it’s nothing! You just… always smiled at them and-!” she grew incredibly…

Adorable.

Her hands raced to the sides of her cheeks, “I thought you liked those wild women…” she seemed to be panicking, and quickly tugged her purse closer to her and started rampaging around in it.

“Woah, woah..! Hey! Calm down…” I couldn’t help it, I was smiling!

This girl didn’t really… transform herself to be what she thought I would like… did she?

Amy quickly took out a makeup remover wipe from her purse and held it for a moment… she shoved it back into her purse and shoved the entire thing away.

“It’s fine. Honestly, I like myself and I like our new dynamic.”

“Dynamic?” Our relationship was anything BUT dynamic…

She was a cheerful and always encouraging girl from the sidelines. Recently, she had become the fun girl cheerfully encouraging mischief from the sidelines.

Both were fine. But only one of them was Amy to me. The other was a girl I knew a long time ago… she was cute, made me a little apprehensive, but was kind and loyal in her faith that I could save the world.

Then there was Amy. The same girl, but much more interesting!

I could relax now, but she was still feisty! Just in… eh… another kind of way.

She was loud and didn’t care. Wild, always wanting a good time. Never a dull moment…

The two just… mixed. After the old Amy faded from memory, I hadn’t noticed how much I-

That’s it.

My eyes widened when I realized what I was feeling.

“Amy… I missed you!”

Her face froze and she studied something intensely in her mind, before turning back to me again. “What?”

“Do you still like me?” I jumped both my feet up to the wall now, making sure to balance myself and stay crouched by her side. “I mean… like me enough to want to… sit all cute and affectionally like those two, over there?” I moved my head in the direction of the couple but only moved my gaze from her for a second.

She was considerably flustered now.

I knew without a doubt she still had feelings for me, and it gave me courage and a thrill I hadn’t felt in an awfully long time.

“Why not?” I shrugged, “Your cute, I’m handsome. We’re especially good at thrill rides and don’t care what mischief we get into! The only requirement is that you stay the girl you want to be. How ‘bout it?” I gave her my best ‘fantasy dream boy’ look and waited—expecting everything to go my way and have her squeal in delight at my offer.

But… she remained silent and spooked… and my confidence was all but destroyed in a matter of two, long eyelash blinks.

“…No.” Amy breathed out.

It was like the sound of death, lingering on her recently moistened-up lips and trailing into my soul to gently pull my spirit away and send me packing.

“…No?” I felt my entire body grow heavy, moving back down to the wall. “No..?” I felt my voice soften, a crack was placed in the spaces of my pride and I couldn’t see clearly for a moment.

Her eyes watered up, “No.” she stated again.

This time, it was like she hesitated on the gunshot.

“Because I do care.” She looked away, down at the ground. “I do care what kind of mischief we get ourselves into.” She grabbed her purse and jumped down from the wall.

I didn’t even notice how fast my body was moving on its own. I was following her for a change… unable to rip myself away from her.

“And I do care what girl I want to be. What girl I thought I could never be. And what girl I thought you’d drop to a knee and marry! But I’m done thinking about you all the time!” she turned swiftly around, like a tornado cut short in it’s spin. But I was still knocked over, I stopped so quickly at the whiplash of her spiraling fury of wind that I got my breath shoved right back down my throat.

When had she become so…

Powerful?

“If you want me, Sonic The Hedgehog. I expect you to fight for me like every other man in this world!” she hit me with her purse, and I stumbled back, as she advanced forward. “I expect you to think about me every day!” she swung another go at me, and this time I instinctively put up my arm to try and block it. “I want you to change yourself into a better man that I would admire and appreciate! That I could have fun with and emotionally invest my time and energy into! I want you to invest in me!” She kept swinging, and I was thankful it was the purse and not the toned, ripped as a muscular body-builder hammer that’s ridiculous name only disguised how formidable it was.

“Ames…” I stopped moving backwards. I had gained the insight I wanted. But it was a little hard to swallow.

“I want you to be committed to me like you are right now!” she swung one last shot, letting it slide and dangle off after its strike landed. She breathed heavily now, her back hunched and her anger subsiding.

“I want… I want you to say it first.”

I didn’t move.

“…I want you to move first!” she looked up with a look I had only wished I never saw before.

I had hurt her.

She had felt played and cheated.

Her passion was overlooked as a game and she wanted nothing more than to keep going with it. Because she saw I enjoyed it. And she’d rather have that over heartbreak.

But now I was asking for heartbreak. I was asking her to go right back into that endless chase with me and she wouldn’t put up with it anymore.

She had grown so strong and independent. She must still care about me… but she wouldn’t allow herself to fall into that trap again.

I hadn’t realized… how much suffering I must have put her through after all these years.

It pained my heart to think about it, but I was a total butt to her when she was young and in love.

I should have been more thoughtful. Less careless about how I reacted to her praises and affections.

How could I have asked her to do all that again? Go through all that without first proving I would commit to do the same?

“…Alright, Amy. I get it. You win.”

She let out an emote that I couldn’t quite answer back with. It was as though she had cut off an intense cry and only let the first syllable of the terrible whine out.

“You idiot!” she cried out, her body sinking down as she swayed in her emotional outburst. “You never let me win!”

It was like she flicked a switch.

Behind my eyes, there was something triggered.

I bolted towards her, grabbing her and pulling her as tightly close to me at supersonic speeds.

I hadn’t moved that fast in a long time. It was a quick action. I just responded immediately to it. As though it was a cry for help.

I held her then… just held her.

She felt hot and panicked at my sudden touch.

How long has it been..? Since we’ve last been this close..? Since we’ve really, truly embraced without a shred of holding back before?

She didn’t cry, she didn’t fight me, she just…

Went limp a moment.

When she finally spoke, I could tell she was exhausted from having felt so many things and not being ready for it. It had probably been so long since she had felt these feelings for me again… and honestly…

I was just starting to understand how powerful this thing was…

If this was what Amy had felt… back when she was just 12…

“I never meant hurt you, Ames.” I pulled her closer, not daring to let her go now. Not when I knew what was going on inside my heart now. It wasn’t awkward for no reason… it was because I missed her. I missed her so much. I had recognized the resistance and lack of love and I wanted it back. I wanted to stop the game. I wanted to quit the endless chase, turn around, and actually make her smile for good this time.

I wanted to reward her.

I never knew this was what she had felt.

For so long, I had denied her any chance of an actual victory over me. Over my stupid pride. My teases. My constant ‘mirror’ that didn’t want me to see her for what she truly was.

Love.

She was Amy.

“I think I finally get it, Amy.” I felt my mouth grow dry, my throat get slightly sore as she lightly gasped and turned to look up and to the side at me.

Her hand suddenly gripped, ever so more into my chest, below my shoulder…

“Understand… what?” she inquired as if holding everything in.

I sighed, dipping into her more. “How truly hard it must feel… to be in love with me.”

She remained silent.

“Because I can honestly say now-“ I pulled her just inches away from me, looking into those eyes that finally reflected an image of me. The me I now wanted to be. “That loving you is no easy feat either.”

Her eyes glossed over, widening.

Which reminded me of those lips…

I angled my head down, staring at those moistened tempters…

“I never realized how powerful love could draw you in…”

Did she notice?

I looked back up at her, my mouth agape as her’s hung a bit too.

It would be so simple…

To just lean in and-

“But I have something to prove to you now.” I stepped away, using every amount of self-control I had to do so.

I stood tall and proud, “I have to win your heart this time around, right?” I cocked my head and smirked. This time, I was actually attempting to flirt with a girl.

She still looked awestruck, and so I continued.

“8 o’clock. Park. Bring a book.” I bolted away, “A good one!” I called out, cupping a hand over near my mouth to let the sound travel as I raced by.

I was determined to succeed!

This Amy needed confirmation that I was serious! This Amy had my heart leaping over bounds and wanting to tear itself from my chest and bound right after her.

But I had to play the charming hero now.

I had to play the game this time.

She was the object of my affections! I had to win her over!

It was… absolutely thrilling!

Once again, Amy was pulling me into her mischief and ‘ride or die’ activities again.

But this time-

I was tugging right back!

I heard something in the distance just then and skidded to a halt to turn my ear towards the sound.

“SOOOONNNIIICCC!!!” it sounded just like it did all those years ago. “YOU BETTER MEAN IT, OR DIE TRYING!”

I chuckled.

“I WON’T FORGIVE YOU THIS TIME!”

She probably would kill me if I didn’t mean every word.

I put my hands to my hips, lowering my head to hear any further messages scaling across the breeze.

“AND ONE MORE THING-!”

I smirked, knew it.

“I LOVE YOU TOO!!!”

[mtvswatches]

Jane the Virgin 1x06 Chapter Six

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Stray thoughts

1) I guess this could qualify as your typical “significant encounter” or “meet cute”…

…if it didn’t involve Captain Cardboard…

2) Nah, this is NOT epic…

This…

…is EPIC.

3) Jane has a good head on her shoulders, and I love it.

MICHAEL: I am so sorry.

JANE: I know you are. But I just keep thinking about how many times you lied to me since then. And then I just start thinking about the baby and how you were gonna let me give it to this couple that had all these problems when you knew how much it meant to me for her to go to a stable family.

Please, do not forgive him. Do not get past this.

4) More characters? Jane is going to meet her former step-sisters? Is this going to turn into Cinderella or something?

5) Okay…

NARRATOR: There was so much more, of course, Rafael wanted to say to Jane. Words like "I have feelings for you" and "let's be together.”

“Let’s be together”? That feels kind of rushed. I get that they are attracted to each other, but they barely know each other and they are in a very awkward situation, to say the least. I don’t ship them yet, and this kind of puts me off, you know? I’m not into the insta-love stuff. I need my ships to feel earned.

6) For a second I thought they were arresting him for being attracted to Jane…

And then I remembered Petra blamed him for battery and assault.

Don’t you think Michael should know better than to believe Petra right away? He’s seen first-hand how manipulative and deceitful she can be…

7) I don’t know how I feel about this…

Would Jane want to have her parents back together?

8) #awkwardfamilydinner seems about right.

9) Rogelio continues to be my fave. He had the whole production of his show move PERMANENTLY to Miami because he wants to be closer to Jane. That’s how seriously he’s taking his role as a father.

10) “Rogelio really went overboard again. And I just need to tell him to tone it down a little more.” Well…

11) I saw that, Michael’s partner whose name I can’t remember…

I can’t remember in what recap I called it, but I did call it. He has 100% more chemistry with his partner than with Jane. I can see where this is going…

12) I actually attended a Catholic school from kindergarten to high school, and, looking back, I really appreciate how open-minded and welcoming it was. I had a couple of girls in my year get pregnant, and the school never did a big deal out of it. The girls kept attending classes like everyone else. Kids with other religions were also welcome to attend the school, and no one ever tried to “convert” them into Catholicism and they were never discriminated against. On the contrary, they were allowed to skip the Religious Studies classes if their parents saw it fit. My mom was a divorced single mother of two way back when being divorced and a single mom was still frowned upon, and not only did they give my brother and I a place in the school mid-year (because my mom was invited to leave our previous Catholic school after she got the divorce, btw…) but everyone at the school – from teachers to janitors – were always super helpful and caring towards us. I know that’s not always the case with Catholic schools, and it’s certainly not how they are portrayed in this show, but even though I’m more of an Atheist nowadays, I thought it was worth mentioning that there are some cool Catholic schools out there.

12)  

(source)

13) Who cares if Rogelio has slept with every single one of the girls in the band as long as they can play, right?

14) Ooh, there goes the heart boomboomboom again…

I really enjoy their conversations so far. They seem to really listen to each other, they offer each other good advice, and they show interest in what the other person is feeling. Good foundation for a relationship.

15) Talking to your (ex)girlfriend’s mom when she’s angry at you is kind of a douchebaggy move, I don’t like it. What? You think I’m biased because I think Michael is Captain Cardboard? You think I would stoop so low? Well...

16) What…? Are they delivering people’s ashes as if they were a fucking pizza? Wtf

17) I thought students and faculty got different parking spaces, right? How are the girls parking right next to Jane?

18) I need this printed on a stamp, pronto. This is my saint from now on.

19) aRE THEY FUCKING USING RAFAEL TO TAKE DOWN THESE TWO 16-YEAR-OLD BITCHES? I CANNOT!!

20) What kind of shit is Petra involved in???

21) Rafael and Jane having moments while sitting on benches is a thing, right?

22) So… Rafael is confessing his feelings for Jane… I don’t know, I think it still feels kind of rushed? I’m not feeling it…

23) I really like how Rafael never gives in to Petra’s manipulative tactics. Twice, at least, he’s outsmarted her. I think Petra is actually quite smart – although her goals are always evil-ish – but desperation is getting the best of her. She’s not thinking straight, and she’s crumbling.

24) Mmmmm, I don’t like this…

Yeah, I decided to make a website of my own. About you two. And I've got plenty of material. Unflattering selfies, pre-nose-job shots. And what seem to appear as some personal pictures meant for, I don't know, boyfriends? 

Was Jane – an adult and A TEACHER! – really trying to blackmail two UNDERAGE high school students by withholding her private nude pictures? What the fuck is this? What show am I watching? I don’t care how “mean” these girls were and how awful her high school experience was, there is no scenario where what she was trying to do is right.

25) “It was one of those moments when you see someone differently.” Yeah, I just saw Jane differently. Wtf, Jane. Like, seriously, I really think the girls should’ve sued her. What she was about to do was really fucked up.

26) Well, the nuns had to be dumb as fuck not to take advantage of having a PREGNANT VIRGIN in their faculty, right?

27) Please tell me that Jane is meeting Captain Cardboard to break up with him. Pretty please?

28) Oh yes, sweet Jesus, GOD IS REAL! She broke up with him!

29) I LOVE ROGELIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A car isn't meaningless to me, Jane. I know this is very, very hard to believe, but up until five years ago, I was barely getting by. I could only afford to buy myself a car when I was 35. 32, if anyone asks. And then I met you, and, well… You have your life set. You're a grown-up. Engaged, working, getting your degree… Pregnant. I missed all the big things, so I wanted to do something, as a father, so I thought… A car. You have so much going on. That way, you won't have to spend time waiting for the bus. So… A little misguided, yes, but it wasn't meaningless.

30) Aw, Xiomara feels like shit because she interrupted a moment between Rogelio and Jane ☹

31) Hahaha I loved Magda’s reaction after all this shit happened!

32) Xiomara is… not that great of a singer…

33) Well, at least Michael is not a complete idiot…

34) It’s nice to see adults making mature decisions, you know? I appreciate how Xiomara has put Jane’s relationship with Rogelio before her own. Rogelio and Xiomara getting together would make everything messier, and tbh, it’s Jane’s turn now.

35) Yep, Rafael and Jane + benches is a thing, definitely…

36) …

I won’t lie, this did give me feels. My heart was going boomboomboom like Jane’s was before. But… even though I can see the sparks flying and I really enjoy their moments together so far, I still feel there’s not much “meat” to their relationship yet.

And I can’t help but wonder what kind of bumpy ride is ahead of them… Like, what shows gets the endgame couple together in episode 6 of the first season? What game are the writers playing? What fuckery is this? This can’t end well…

37) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[forte7]

Forte’s Fan Character Flashback Friday - #7

Name:: Valarie Masters Series: Danny Phantom Background: Holey moley guacamole! I missed Fan Character Flashback Friday! I mean... today is a Friday, but I was supposed to post this last week! Dangit! I'm sorry! Things are kinda crazy on my end still and it only dawned on me today that I had forgotten to do something - and it was this.

A thousand apologies for my tardiness, but going on about that still won't get this posted.

I've actually been waiting to post this character because I KNOW I had old art of her SOMEWHERE around and I cannot, for the life of me, find it, and unfortunately, I'm down in Texas right now to help out my aunt and uncle so I can't even continue looking for the physical copies of said old art if it even still exists. I KNOW it exists, because I used to post art for this character on a Danny Phantom fan forum I would RP on and heck, I even found that old forum, managed to log in to see if any of those old links still worked, and NOPE.

Guess I deleted them off the Photobucket I once had them on at some point and where the physical copies are, I'm not sure, because I don't remember seeing them when going through my old drawing binders.

It's really quite frustrating.

Anyway, this is Valarie, who I named forgetting about the actual Valerie Grey character from the series, cause the name fit the general bad fan character naming system of "it starts with the same letter of the character I like and is kinda similar, so I'll go with it".  I kept it anyway, cause little me reasoned, "well, this Valarie spells it with two As while the other is with an A and an E, so it's fine."

Just kinda funny that they're both linked to Vlad though, so yay, I guess? Hahah, I dunno.

Anywho, Valarie was set up/designed to be Vlad's daughter, but not even his biological daughter, though not a clone like some of my other fan characters, though with things that happen later in the actual series, it would actually be... possible/viable. Instead, she was a extraordinary creation of the Ghost Zone and was more or less "born" of the supernatural energies that construct that dimension.

I guess you can kind of compare her existence to that of Maria from Silent Hill 2. The Born from a Wish scenario kind of implies that Maria was manifested by the town using James' subconscious memories and feelings regarding his wife. Valarie, in the same vein, was manifested by the Ghost Zone, for whatever reason, to help placate Vlad's need and want for a family of his own.

Mind you, this entire backstory was cobbled together before Kindred Spirits introduced Dani Phantom and her entire storyline... which... is.... kinda the same, really, to Valarie's, and I remember at the time, was kind of mad about it back in the day.

Speaking of Dani Phantom, I remember how a lot of people were mad about Butch Hartman's apparent laziness in her character design and creation, cause it was pretty akin to many "bad fan characters" that you see out there, which, hey, I won't deny; that's what this whole Flashback thing I do is about, but you know, this just serves as a good example of the fact that pretty much... everyone does this. Everyone makes bad fan characters, even for their own things, so I think it's just more healthy for people to realize this and embrace it, hahaha.

Going back to Valarie - she's more or less a person who exists to help Vlad chill the fuck out and maybe not ruin things for everyone or everything. A more recent reason I came up with for this was that Clockwork and/or The Observants that are seen in the Ultimate Enemy special with Dark Danny foresaw Vlad's ambitions proving to be too troublesome in the future, so to prevent this from causing way more havoc than it's worth, even with Danny around to stop him or whatever, they're like "hey just throw him a kid; that'll keep him busy a little, right?"

Even with her supernatural origins, Valarie is half-human and half-ghost like Vlad and looks much like him thanks to just her being a physical manifestation of one of his subconscious desires. Physically, she’s about seven or eight years old and generally acts playful, though polite, but can occasionally come off as spoiled.

She shares many of her father’s sentiments towards various issues and people, though it’s safe to assume she doesn’t fully understand his reasoning for those feelings due to how young she is. For example, she harbors a dislike for Jack, though finds his clumsiness more amusing than idiotic and only really says she hates him because Vlad does.

In regards to Danny, she likes him and finds him fun to play with, but in her terms, that means toying around with him. Despite her small size, she can hold her own in battle and has a good handle on her ghost powers and won’t hesitate to use them to pull pranks or harass other people, especially if she has or is told to. Her antics can be described as impish while in ghost form, though she likes to feign innocence if caught.

A big point of curiosity with her is her memory; she has no memory of a time before not “being” and has no real answer when asked about her childhood. She doesn’t seem bothered by this lack of knowledge and usually shrugs it off, intent that she exists because she does; she feels no need to question it further. For her things are simple: if her father is happy, she’s happy. Be this just some childish thought process or some more ingrained sense of purpose because of her strange origins is up for debate.

More was actually done with this character than others and like I said, there used to be old sketches of her about. If I ever find them (and I hope I do, really), I’ll be sure to post them.

But aside from that, like I said, I did role play with this character on a Danny Phantom fan thread and boy was that a cringy time. I will admit now, that back then, when I was like 12 or whatever, I was an obnoxious brat who didn’t know how to really socialize or what she was doing on the Internet. Hahaha, when going back there to find the old image links, I ventured onto some of my older posts and…. Whooooo boy, no thank you.

I know at that point I did also write short fanfics from time to time, but I think those might be locked on boot drives from our old computers and don’t have a way of looking for them now either. For those, if I ever do find them, I might also post them, but it all depends on just HOW much cringe I want to trudge up and share, hahaha.

I know I’ve been ranting a lot now and it’s already now past Friday, even for the time zone I’m in, but I’m gonna go on a little side story as… an apology, though it just means a bit more ranting.

When I said I RPed on this site, I can’t actually say a lot of actual character development happened. I don’t remember what the system was for RPing canon show characters and the times they did pop up, it was on a situational basis, because more people were interested in playing their own character and pretty much everyone on that forum had half-ghost, half-human characters that had their powers for one reason or another.

There was one thread that was particularly popular though that I spent a lot of time in with most of the other players, called Halfa High, so it was just kids in high school. Characters, like mine, that were younger than high school age, had various reasons for being there, like they’re super geniuses or they have a sibling there they’ve come to see or something like that; it’s a fandom RP so anything can happen. Most of the stuff in here, because it was 12-14 or whatever year olds, was just characters pairing up with each other, cause I guess that’s just what kids care about, hahaha. I don’t know, I’m just an old lady now.

Anyway, this thread went on for a good number of pages and eventually they started a second one. And then they had one where everyone went to summer camp, so other weird adventures could be had without the confines of going to school.

This was the one I remember doing the most in though frankly, I don’t remember what the overarching storyline was at the time, though I don’t think I knew what was really going on back in the day either.

One of the big points I do remember was the fact that many of the people on this forum looked up to one particular member, who I’ll call Susan, because that was her character’s name. I’m pretty sure she was in her early 20s at this time, so a lot of the younger people gravitated towards her because she was mature and knew how to keep things moving in terms of RP story; she was more or less the main storyteller of the Halfa threads, coming up with a lot of the plot points and twists. She was also just popular cause she had been there for a while, I think, and she was a pretty good artist on the forum.

She wasn’t necessarily a bad person and usually always open to adapting an RP to involve suggested ideas, but I remember at the time, I was super jealous of her. One, because she did have really good art and I felt like a poo-poo artist and two, because she seemed to have a lot of sway in terms of what she wanted to happen in most scenarios, so much so, it was treated as forum canon that her character was married to Dark Danny and had two kids with him.

Nowadays, of course, I don’t give a damn. Whatever. But back then, it was annoying to me. And I guess some part of me wanted to pair my characters with Older Dan. I remember actually being openly mad about it on the forums and to her in private messages about it and did get in trouble for being a salty, little brat for it. One time, I even wrote a bitter fanfic that was less than subtle in regards to it, but I remember cooling my jets enough for them to not just full out ban me.

Like I said, I was obnoxious back then; it’s a phase all kids go through I guess, cause I see it in kids that age even now.

Anyway, this actually developed into a story point in the RP when I agreed to not be such an Angsty Annie about the whole thing and the Halfa Summer Camp thread took some weird turns. Besides the usual pairing of everyone’s characters with one another and other summer camp-y hijinks, it had time travel, an evil group that were named after the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and political unrest regarding a ghostly royal family.

The royal family, of course, consisted of Susan and Dan, and their two kids. They had a son and a little girl, who I don’t remember the names of in the slightest. Susan got crowned? Queen of the Ghost Zone after she and some members of some Ghost Council? Were able to seal away Pariah Dark… and in that timeline, Dan was a fugitive, so they got married in secret and still managed to have secret relations enough to have their two kids.

But see, that was in the future of the Ghost Zone, which was like 20-30 years away from the time of the events of the actual RP. Why they were going back in time, I don’t remember, but I think it was something to do with Clockwork sending them back or something, who knows.

Valarie, however, is also technically part of the Ghost Royal Family (cause that’s a thing here…. hahaha), because I guess Susan was… Vlad’s niece? Somehow? So that made her and Valarie cousins, but because Susan was the one who sealed the Big Bad away, that meant she got to be Queen, just… because? There will be a lot of uncertainty with this recollection, cause again, heck if I actually knew or know what happened then.

Anyway, I guess in the uhm… present timeline, Susan was going to summer camp and this was before her and Danny were even a thing, cause doesn’t happen until they’re adults? I think, but she runs into a version of Dan that’s… in between him being a teenage and the future version that’s married to Susan… and… there was some contention with that, but again, I don’t remember what…

But eventually, everyone’s future selves end up appearing at summer camp, again for their own various reasons, along with Susan’s future kids, who get caught up in things, mainly because of misunderstanding and people having grudges and just wanting to kill other people without talking it out.

This loops back to my annoyance with Susan getting her character paired with a major canon character and the aforementioned political unrest, because it led to Older Valarie being a quiet, hardened soldier with a hidden, strong, but deeply unrequited love for Dan, which of course, causes a bit of tension with her and Susan, who is the Queen in the future. Also, apparently, I guess? There was a Ghost War or something? In the future or at some point that they set up a Royal Guard and Army, cause Valarie was more or less the Captain of all that, along with the personal trainer of the eldest son of the Royal Family. Future Susan, of course, is fine with her being in such a position of power cause I guess she’s proved it by this point and she doesn’t know of Valarie’s feelings for her husband, so it’s all right as rain as long as she just… stews about it silently to herself, because that is totally the healthy thing to do.

Older Valarie also goes back in time though, because eventually, people start coming across the aforementioned Four Horsemen, which aren’t really horsemen, because they don’t even have horses, but again, are named after them and are supposed to be the “living embodiments” of their namesake. So we have super powerful characters named War, Pestilence, Famine, and Death running around for… reasons? That I can’t even remember. Certain members’ characters are actually the younger versions of the Four before they’re… corrupted? Or something like that and given those names and most the people who turn into whichever, of course, have to fight their evil, older selves cause that’s cool or whatever.

Younger Valarie, at the time, was just hanging about and I guess fawning over a teenage Danny or the in between Dan (this is just as confusing to remember as it is to read, trust me), and I think makes friends with the Future Prince and Princess, who again are running around. I think the Prince was there to try and find Dan, because he believes he? Killed his father? Even though Dan is his father? And Dan was there anyway to protect the younger version of his future wife…? And the Princess was there just cause she wanted her mom, which is Future Susan, who went back to… do…. Something…?

But anyway, Younger Valarie ends up getting approached by her future self, who had originally come to serve her duty as Captain of the Royal Guard and protect Future Queen Susan, but eventually starts to realize that she could perhaps mess with the past to change things to the way she really wants them (even though I know now that would probably create some annoying paradox but please don’t get me on time paradoxes cause we’ve been here long enough already), so she starts to put it in her younger self’s head that everything going on here isn’t fair and she should do more than just be obedient and trusting and take whatever Susan says without question, because by not being more open and honest about your feelings just leads to a life of misery, pain and loneliness.

However, Younger Valarie just doesn’t get why she would say these things and rejects that line of thinking, which kinda makes Older Valarie snap and be like “okay, fine, I guess I’ll just go kill some peeps and then you’ll see what I mean”... I mean, I think? She does try to stop influencing her younger self and try to take matters into her own hands though.

Because at one point, we did have it where Older Valarie confronts Older Susan about her deep, dark hidden feelings, and they get into a fight over it, especially after Older Valarie threatens to go kill the Prince, but being a trained soldier and the Captain of the Royal Guard, Older Valarie does kick Older Queen Susan’s butt, but I think… is interrupted by one of the Four, that being War.

I think Older Dan also comes in at some point and chides Older Valarie for her actions, but heck if I remember. To be honest, if I fully cared and wanted to really relive some cringe, I could probably go to the forum and just read over the whole thread, but that was like 200+ (if not more) of pages and I…. do not feel like doing that, hahaha.

Anyway, Older Valarie and War end up getting into a fight, because it turns out War himself has some issue with Older Valarie. And it turns out that he used to be like her second in command? Or something? Who disappeared while on a mission and ended up into some spoopy, dark, dangerous, evil place, where he got corrupted and turned into War and it turns out he was okay with it, because he was also angry and bitter, cause surprise! He himself had feelings for Older Valarie, but poor guy got friendzoned and his attempts went unnoticed because she instead had feelings for Older Dan, because love triangles are also a cool plot twist to do, cause why not, I guess.

Uhm… I think during this fight was when Older Valarie started to notice the error? Of her ways? Or something like that after seeing one of her closest subordinates fall into darkness, so her story shifts to trying to get War to remember who he used to be. This character did have an original name, but I totally forget what it was… Anyway, War claims that there’s nothing she can do because he embraced and was more than willing to give up his soul or whatever for the power to actually make Older Valarie notice him or something.

I… actually don’t remember much past this point, though. I want to say she did end up getting through to him, but that might just be me rewriting history. That character, though, was more or less being set up to give someone for Young Valarie to pair with and I do thing there was a present day or at least an uncorrupted version of that character pop up at one point….

But besides that, I don’t even remember if that RP was finished, mainly because I think I started to stop going there as much and lost interest. The RP itself, actually, I think started to slow down, mainly because people got busy with other things, especially Susan and because she was again, more or less the driving force behind most things, it petered out.

I’m actually uncertain how old I was when there, because I will admit, when I was in my first year of college, I toyed around with some of the concepts from this RP and wanted to repurpose it into a story. It was mainly the stuff that took place in the future with the Royal Family and with the Four Horsemen, where basically, it would follow Older Valarie (hell, the “rewrites” character name might have just been Valarie for simplicity sake) as she dealt with her feelings with the Royal family and her relation to it, trying to protect the Kingdom and its people, and eventually deal with the disappearance of her Second in Command and his reappearance as a giant threat later on.

…. Really, I still kinda like the idea…

ANYWAY, I have talked long enough and am tardy enough with just this post as it is, so I’ll leave it at that. According to the Google Doc where I’m writing all this before actually posting, this is six pages long, so even more apologies for my rambling.

Still, hope you liked this month’s look back in time and look forward to the next one!

[stallionspirit444]

Conversation on MeetMe (WARNING STUPIDITY AHEAD, PLEASE BE ADVISED)

Sebast*àn 29, Male, Straight, Brooklyn, NY

Jan 16, 2019, 12:57 am

Idiot: What are u up to?

Me: Lol I'm not doing much. Working on my tumblr and listening to some epic music on youtube from HDSoundi

Idiot: U r musician?👍 Niece wondering how tall ka..& where from...?:)

Me: I mean i am.  But i just love music. I hope you know I'm a lesbian

Idiot: Oh how did u decide on that? What age ?

Me: I love girls. 19

Idiot: Niece says she was always bi.. Do u love guys? Why. I'm from usa but she was adopted into US long ago from Asia~she is very mixed sweetheart teen beauty..

Me: OH COOL I'm adopted from China! That's amazing! Tell her there's a group off of Subtle Asian Traits on Facebook called Subtle Asian Adoptee Traits

Idiot: Haaha no way👍😄😍🌷   👍ok I will

Idiot: Piao liang nu hai" she says *blowkiss*

Me: Lol

Me: Why are you so close to your niece that she is watching your dating profile?

Idiot: Why not?- she loves pretty girls lol - especially your .."amazing pics",.. We often girl-watching together lol. Dui- lol You are sexy teen model for sure!", she says~💕😍😘👍

Me: But like your niece shouldn't be seeing any of this is a minor. How old is she. I just want to make sure there's nothing bad going on here.

Idiot: See what?? Lol ppl chatting?? Hahaha. Bad?? Huh?? What r u talking about?

Me: Well no no haha you know what i mean

Idiot: She talks to people every day...- don't u ? No clue wats wrong...in u..

Me: I just found it initially weird for like family members to be looking on one dating site.

Idiot: Lol r u ok??

Me: Like i keep my dating life private. Especially if they're younger than me

Idiot: Nah it's normal typical dear 👍

Me: Alright.

Idiot: 🌻sorry but u seem a bit off lol. Odd*

Me: Alright whatever. I'm a mechanical engineering major. I was raised to just be cautious about finding things I feel odd with. So i'm expressing my opinion.

Idiot: Families always talk & laugh about each other's dates in life.. Lol :);)

Me: Also i'm trying to be cautious because i'm talking to an older man. A straight older man.

Idiot: We share ur opinion...-right back at you..:) lol. Why cautious?? That's the safest type of person: older str8 male lol everyone knows that.

Me: Women are seen as objects sometimes in society. So I've been raised to just be cautious with older folks

Idiot: Haha how "old" do u imagine I am?? Lol :)

Me: I am having a civil conversation with you aren't i? It says youre 29. Meaning you've got a job or a career and such and I'm still in college

Idiot: Yes boys r typically objectified- true so guys r raised to be cautious-- ESPECIALLY dealing with younger females. Of course. A lez girl. Huh?- r u civil? Lol

Me: Please don't mock me.

Idiot: What..?- career/ college-?? Huh? Ur mocking me

Me: Let's start over. Hi, this is Mary. I've been on dating sites for 2 years. I'm 20 years old, about to be 21 in April

Idiot: I'm far too mature to "mock" others.

Me: I consider myself to be a lesbian, only interested in other girls

Idiot: Obviously- since I'm more more mature

Me: I am adopted from China. I love video games, ice skating, playing ukulele

Idiot: Why lez?

Me: Sir, i would kindly suggest following what I am doing here and trying to start over.

Me: I am lesbian because I like girls. Girls are attractive to me. And men are not

Idiot: Yes u should follow my lead. I agree

Me: Why are you straight then?

Idiot: I obviously know Wat lez means; again, I asked u why u made that choice.

Me: It was not a choice. Does your niece say being bisexual was her choice?

Idiot: Hetero is pre-programmed / automatic. Yes if course she chose. As she clearly says. Same as most lesbians say same: choice. Of course it is. U can choose guys anytine u want. I'm sure u soon shall. 💕👍

Me: Please respect my "decisions" and "choices"

Idiot: R u suggest I g u don't? I never said that. Pls stop assuming u know me. Xie Xie

Me: Okay i'm sorry for my assumptions

Idiot: Ur choices r urs.  Obviously. U chose chicks. For a bit. Commmon phase. Especially at ur age group. Very typical

Me: I would feel much more comfortable if you could not suggest that I made a wrong decision. Temporary or not. So your niece will go back to being "straight"? then?

Idiot: I never said that either. Gee- why r u so disrespectful of me? Ur kinda odd kiddo :) lol. Why so many "quotation marks"-?? Hehe

Me: You said "common phase." ”Chose chicks. For a bit"

Idiot: So ur not sorry for assuming. Please just stop it

Me: I did not choose for a bit. So you assumed I chose for a bit. Which is wrong

Idiot: Yes of xcourse u chose.  For a season.

Me: Not for a season

Idiot: U can easily choose to go with nature

Me: Nature for me is to be with girls. Straights are the weird ones imo

Idiot: Instead of choosing against.

Me: I like going against. It's freeing and natural

Idiot: "Straight"= normal. Obviously lol

Me: So what do you think about your niece? I'm just curious

Idiot: Look at all of nature, reproduction, animals, insects- everywhere...- even much of plant life.  Lol. Why r u asking me what her future sexual choices will be?? Lol so weird...

Me: So what do you think about your niece's choice? I'm just curious. Can't I be weird?

Idiot: What is "freeing",- exactly? Can i-?? Ur question is obviously misguided,& this waste of time.

Me: Honestly. I wish I could have changed your point of view. This was a waste of time. I pity you.

[backatfour]

day 136: if you were 12 and looked at yourself in the future, would you be happy?

Honestly, partly happy. When I was 12 years old, I usually don’t exert effort on my academics... I’m just an average student. But look how far I’ve become, I am now a CPA who landed on a decent job. I am now earning for myself and for the things I want... 

But to say that I’m happy... I’m still on the process of finding my own happiness because this success doesn’t equate happiness. And I say partly because I’m happy that I became stronger, independent and learned more about myself. 

day 137: one of your wildest dreams.

To be with my 7-year-old crush. She’s my dream but sad to say she’s too good for me. I’m just an ordinary person and nothing special... and I guess we’re not match because of how mature she is than me. I developed a low self confidence because most of the time, I learned from her... I don’t think she’ll learn from me. And that’s what make me feel that she don’t deserve me. But oh well, that’s life... she will just gonna be my lifetime inspiration.

She will always be my unreachable star. 

day 138: one of the nicest things anyone has said to you.

“Please don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Timing favors those who try and know that you are doing your best!” This is from my bestfriend, Ronette. I mean, I’m so touched because she knows how hard I am to myself... I always try to become the best version of myself that I tend to forget to enjoy. And I’m happy that I got reminded by this when I got to lose myself sometimes. 

But I know to myself that I won’t become lenient to myself because I still have lots of developments to do... hahaha

day 139: something you can’t wait for.

This is too many to mention... but one thing I can think of right now is the day where I possesses a different level of self-confidence. I still have a lot of insecurities but I am now working on it. I just hope one day, I’ll overcome the fears of today. Why am I so scared the whole damn time? 

I just wanted to become a person who is near perfect.

day 140: how do you feel about people disrespecting their parents?

It really depends because I am a firm believer that no one deserves to be disrespected for no reason. But I absolutely don’t like the fact of disrespecting your own parents. 

What I imagine of disrespecting your parents is through yelling, swearing or mistreating them awfully. If your parents did something to you so harshly, you can always correct them calmly without yelling back... but I know that’s a hard thing to do. It’s really a hard stigma to break.

I’m just kinda frustrated why parents yell to their children... which in fact, they can do it calmly. That’s why children have the reason to disrespect you more even harder.