#i mean without the background or anything the render is kinda bland

[kaiserouo]

[thatyanderecritic]

Marchen Witches

Title: Marchen Witches

Media: Webtoons, written by Verbin

Yandere(s): Carness

Yandere Scale: 4/5

Criticism written by: Kai 

Editor: Julie

The Review: Hey everyone! Kai here back with another review! I’m sure that this is a bit of a surprise. Hell, I’m surprised that I’m doing yet another review. While waiting for yesterday’s livestream to finish rendering (which I’ll be posting here), I stumbled upon this webtoon. I decided to read it on a whim as I wait for the video to finish up and boy, I did not expect there to be a yandere here… Let me explain

Marchen Witches is a webtoon about a romance between a witch and a knight. About 300 years ago, there was a racial war between magic users and non-magic users. The witch and the knight tried to fight for equal rights but ended up dying in the fight. Unable to recognize their love for each other, the witch cast a spell so that her and the knight can be reincarnated together. Now, a 300 years later, the witch was reincarnated… as a male scientist named Schwann Owen. Present day, Owen contains all his past life memories and now researching the reincarnation spell from a scientific point of view. But he was soon attacked by a wizard terrorist group called the Black Pearl. But! He was saved by a female war mage named Jessica; who very much looks like the knight in the past life (you see a trend here?). But surprise surprise, Jessica has a twin brother who also looks like the knight. Now Owen is all messed up on who’s the real knight. But that isn’t important. The Black Pearl kidnap Owen for his research but surprise! It was actually Carness’s, the yandere, long con to capture Jessica to commit couple suicide and reincarnate into the next life together <3 But Carness got his ass beat by Owen and everyone lives happily ever after :)

Anyways, you guys might think I just rushed typing the summary and skipping over details but, nope! The webtoons was just that rushed! It was a neat story and was an enjoyable read but it was rather… underwhelming and very unsatisfying. There were many points in the story where the author could have paused and expanded on a plot detail or character interaction or character background. The only one who got major screen time was just some side character called Zeke, for some reason… Like, Owen’s dilemma with figuring out which twin was the knight was barely touched on and was kinda… glossed over. His relationship with them was extremely superficial and I couldn’t believe that Owen and Jessica got together out of true love. Jessica was just awfully written. She was bland and boring. The minute there was an inch of personality or possible character history from her, it was immediately skipped over for #plot. The same goes for her twin brother. There was a really big point that was brought up in the story but pretty much was destroyed after it was out the gate. It was the idea that maybe… these people in the present AREN’T actually the people from the past anymore. Very good plot point that should have been focused for the entire damn story but it was only use for convenience against Zeke and the yandere, Carness (who I’ll talk about soon. I swear). That point was immediately tossed out the window once Jessica remember her past life and automatically went “I love you, Owen :)”. Lmao what??? Literally a panel ago, everyone was agreeing to let the past be the past. From what I saw, the two main characters just love each other because of who they were in the past, not who they are right now. Y’all realized how fuck that is, right? Right???? It’s an alright story… it fits the bare minimum of what a story requires. But don’t expect anything particularly amazing. 

Anyways, enough rambling about the mediocre story. Let’s talk yandere. So Carness was a surprise yandere. When I first saw him appear, my first thought was: “The author has no reason to make him this hot” lmao. Carness is the main antagonist of the entire webcomic and pretty much the reason why there was that whole racism war to begin with…. Apparently. But before I talk about him, I should mention that Carness is canon fodder yandere. What does that mean? Carness’s whole point in the story is just to bring the two main characters together before getting his ass beat. So don’t expect anything amazing from him besides going “muahahaha”. 

Now then… why is Carness a yandere? Well, we first have to go back into time for Carness original incarnation: Countess Iris. Yes, before Carness was a male yandere, he was a female yandere :) We’re checking off all boxes here folks. Well, Countess Iris was the knight’s OG fiance. She fell in love with him at first sight when they were children and was groomed to be his perfect wife, since that’s what is expected of a woman. Hinted that she was most likely neglected as a child too. Basically, she was raised to be devoted only to the knight. To keep him only to herself, she chased off women and disfigured some who tried to get close to the knight. But without her realizing, the knight and the witch fell in love with each other. Mad with jealousy, she flamed the already tense racial divide between the witches and humans so that the witch would “accidentally” die in the fighting. But she never expected the knight to go out with the witch. Wrecked with grief, anger, possessiveness, ect. Countess Iris decided to follow after the knight into the next life. She preserved his body and “recruited” (forced) many witches to copy the reincarnation spell. The spell worked and she turned into a he then went out to hunt for the reincarnated knight. Carness found Jessica and… idk what happened between that and the meeting of Owen. This story gloss over more plot details than a high school girl using lip gloss. Anyways, Carness decides to permanently get rid of Owen for good and do a lovers suicide for the next life. To do that, he puppeteer an entire terrorist group and did mind using people for his own agenda. But of course, he lost after have a yandere snap and get locked up in jail. The end.

 As you can see, Carness is a yandere but due to having a shallow background (shit everyone has a shallow background), we have to take away a point because there’s not much about Carness (I mean, that paragraph seems like a lot but really, compared to the webtoon, the paragraph is really nothing). Anyways, Carness is solid. Story is wack but readable.

Overall score: 6/10

[canvaswolfdoll]

CanvasWatches: 5 Centimeters per Second

Got there.

Kind of.

Makoto Shinkai has other works listed on his wikipedia page, and maybe I’ll get around to those someday, but for now, let’s sit and be satisfied I’ve watched all the important ones!

Reminder that the score is two good films, two bad films, and two average ones.

Making this a tie breaker!

Also proof that any claims that Makoto Shinkai is the new Miyazaki are unfounded and dumb.

Anyways, time for 5 Centimeters per Second!

It’s a middle of the road story. Backgrounds are beautiful as always, character are flat, and a lot of good ideas that deserve more exploration.

It fits very nicely in the Auteur arc Shinkai went through to get to actual masterpiece Your Name. It was produced after the unwatchable The Place Promised in our Early Days[1] and works off the themes of a relationship stalled by time and distance first used in Voices of a Distant Star. What it lacks is the character complexity he sorted out in Garden of Words and plot structure and humor finally inserted into Your Name.

5 Centimeters per Second is draft three is what I’m getting at.

It’s also not a singular feature, but instead three short films (OVAs? Not sure how to use that term) that share a male lead and played in order, covering four phases in his life: Middle School with recollections to Elementary in part one, High School in part two, and adulthood in part three. Each also have their own title, so let’s go in sequence.

Episode 1: Cherry Blossoms

‘5 Centimeters per Second’ refers to the rate that cherry blossom petals fall. Mystery solved! Go home everybody! We’re done.

Okay, okay, there’s more than that. Basically, our story concerns a boy named Takaki Tono who meets a girl named Akari Shinohara during elementary school. The rest of the class ships these two, but being literal children neither actually have the capabilities to provide any romantic progress, so that’s fine.

Then Akari moves away, and that’s a real bummer, but they can communicate through letters, and if there’s one thing I can credit this film for is igniting a romance for sending mail to a sweetheart.[3] It’s very charming seeing the words and doodles on a page.

However, Middle School comes around, and Takaki’s family is moving to the opposite end of the archipelago,[4] so now it’ll be even more impractical for the two to meet up.

That’s okay. Takaki can make the trip now. They can meet one final time. At Akari’s home station. At 19:00! This is practical!

Unfortunately, snow storms conspire to make Takaki about 4 plus hours late. And the wind takes his love confession letter away! And this is set in the 90s, so he doesn’t even have a fun app to kill time on the train![6]

Eventually, the train arrives, very late.

And Akari had waited.

Could this have been resolved if they met in the middle and saved some time? Yes, but that’s not important! What’s important is Akari brought a homemade meal, and she waited all that time, and the two have a kiss under a snow covered tree like two stupid kids.[7] Takaki realizes they’d likely never meet again.

Due to the bad weather, the two spend the night in a random shack, then Takaki[8] heads home in the morning.

Akari looks wistfully at a letter she’d brought herself.

It’s a fine segment. The train journey is a good concept, but I feel like it could’ve been slightly lonelier. Open with him on the train, stalled on the last stretch, Takaki reflecting on what brought him here, cutting from him sitting on the train reading Akari’s old letters to the elementary school days to him pacing the aisles of the train to him explaining to his middle school friends he’s moving away. Or something better. Something to make the audience feel the agonizing wait and desperate push to see Akari one. Last. Time.

Episode 2: Cosmonaut[9]

I like Kanae Sumida. She deserves better. I hope she gets her life figured out.

So, we jump ahead to Takaki’s final year of high school. He’s in the archery club. But this isn’t his story to tell, because the kid is not actually a compelling character. Yet he’s captured the heart of Kanae Sumida, a shy girl who’s trying to learn to surf, get the courage to confess her feelings, and plan for her future. The final year of High School is a worrying time.

So Kanae narrates the middle act.

Now this isn’t a distant pining. Kanae often returns to school after attempting to catch waves in order to ‘happen’ to head home when Takaki’s heading out himself. They ride their scooters to a convenience store, where Takaki always gets the same coffee milk drink and Kanae takes her time picking out a drink. When Kanae catches back up with her own drink, she’ll find Takaki texting... someone...

Obviously Akari, but when Takaki takes over narration duties for a short time to reveal a great truth, we learn that the boy hasn’t been sending the messages about dreams of standing with her on an alien world, because it wouldn't be a Makoto Shinkai film without a lovingly rendered night sky and space stuff. It’s also implied that the two haven’t communicated in some time.

Back to Kanae, she’s unable to fill out the future planning worksheet that’s deeply entrenched in slice-of-life anime,[10] and it contributes to her melancholy.

However, when she asks Takaki his plans, he gives a vague answer, revealing he doesn’t have a trajectory set. Kanae finds peace in this, since if the object of her affections doesn’t have things figured out, why should she?

Y’know, it’s that whole unhealthy habit of placing your crush on an unreachable pedestal thing that gets to her.

But hey, it helps. Soul lightened, and between typhoons, Kanae catches a wave. She successfully surfs! Atta girl.

Riding high, she returns to the school to wait for Takaki to finish his archery. She decides that if she can’t confess the same day she rode a wave, then she’ll never be able to.

They go to the convenience store, and Kanae buys a smaller version of Takaki’s drink of choice, because she’s building her future on the afterimage of Takaki, but isn’t fully committed. They drink, then attempt to ride the scooters, but Kanae’s not starting. Takaki offers to walk her home.

On the walk, Kanae attempts her confession.

Only to be interrupted by a rocket launch, which is going 5 kilometers a second.[11] There’s kind of a theme of hearts moving in relation to one another.

Kanae can see in Takaki’s eyes that he’s focused on something. And it’s not her and never will be.

So she abandons the confession, but feels she’ll always carry a flame for Takaki. Which, unfortunately, is what happens when you put someone on a romantic pedestal but lack the courage to confront it. Eventually you decide it’s not worth an attempt, either because you view yourself too beneath them, fear rejection, fear discovering the person isn’t the portrait you’ve composed, or a mixture.[12]

The two reach Kanae’s home, and she cried herself to sleep that night.

It’s a bittersweet story, and yet another good seed that could blossom into a fuller piece. Again, Takaki himself is bland, but if we give him personality, a subplot about an interest in aeronautics and cosmonautics and how he doesn’t even notice the world around him for the ideal girl he drifted away from, and it has potential to be a melancholic full film on its own. Or even keep it as a short film, just build the male lead.

Cosmonaut is my favorite of the three parts, though.

Episode 3: 5 Centimeters per Second

I don’t feel bad for Takaki. He deserved this ending.

Takaki is a working man now, fresh out of an unsuccessful three year relationship, wherein the woman broke up over text, saying that in all their time together, their hearts had, at best, moved a mere one centimeter closer, because might as well complete the trilogy with the analysis.

His hang-ups on Akari still lingering thirteen years after she moved away during elementary school, and a long term relationship ended because of it, and a depression setting in, Takaki quits his job. Then he just kinda floats about, stops at a convenience store, looks at a magazine article about the rocket launched back in the second act, which is leaving the solar system. What a distance it’s managed to cover, and Takaki’s still got no solid plans nine years since it left the atmosphere.

Takaki and Akari share a narration about a dream of their childhood promise to watch the cherry blossoms someday.

Then the two suddenly cross paths walking over some train tracks. Was that? Could it be? They turn to double check. A train passes, cutting them off.

Then there’s a musical interlude, because it’s a Makoto Shinkai film and you’ve got to have a random AMV just before the conclusion.

We see scenes from the rest of the movie cut together! Takaki and Akari as children! Train ride! Kanae catching a wave! (I hope she’s moved on. Met a nice guy. Forgot the stagnant mess that is Takaki) Takaki’s dull, meaningless life!

Then the train passes.

Akari’s gone. Because of course. They haven’t talked in over a decade, and even if she found that undelivered letter from Act One it doesn’t mean she has to linger. She’s apparently engaged now, and Takaki is a dumb kid from when she was a dumb kid waiting at a train station five hours after the two agreed to meet.

Because nothing waits. The earth turns, the waves crash, rockets leaving the soolar system, and Cherry Blossoms fall at 5 centimeters per second.

So just move on.

Takaki, seeing his last hope of reclaiming the past vanish behind a passing train, smiles and walks off. Did he learn anything? Who cares, he’s unflavored frozen yogurt. Cold and devoid of sweetness.[13]

Takaki refused to live in the present or look to the future, and what do we have? A nothing.

Takaki’s dull.

This act isn’t even a good seed. It’s the conclusion to a narrative I don’t care about. I can’t even offer any advice on it that isn’t ‘cut it, expand one of the previous episodes.”

The Film

It’s fine. It’s an okay movie. Critically lauded, so if you feel like watching it, you won’t feel cheated. But I wouldn’t put it on a list of must watches. It’s not hilariously bad, it’s not specifically boring, it’s not particularly deep, and it’s not Your Name.

It’s the middle of the Shinkai scale of quality. Don’t avoid it, don’t pursue it.

If 5 Centimeters per Second was a person, it’d be Takaki Tono. Defined by the females its features, and not giving the proper due to Kanae.

Thanks for reading. If you like this analysis on an anime film, check out my other reviews (including other Makoto Shinkai films), my webcomic about a living muffin, and maybe support my patreon. I’ve got a Digimon review series that’ll be living there until I finish the first season at least. The show had an effect on me.

Until the snow clears and the train brings my next work,

Kataal kataal.

[1] Do you know how hard it is to get me to quit a movie? I’ll wait for a conclusion. Heck, I sat through 2001: A Space Odyssey![2] You need a whole lot of nothing to bore me off a paltry 90 minute journey. [2] The movie will have its day eventually, I promise. [3] Not that I have a sweetheart. Or the address of any distant friends. Or stamps. [4] Which is fun to say. Say it with me. Arch-i-pel-a-go.[5] We should find excuses to say it more. [5] What’re you, 6? This is a written essay! No one’s talking along with you! I bet you feel real silly. [6] And it doesn’t seem he brought a book. Must’ve been a boring trip. [7] Fun fact! Not only am I pessimistic about any young love (IE, starting in middle or high school), I actively root against them. Because I’m a monster. [8] I’m just now noticing how similar these names are to two Digidestined. Huh. [9] Back in the fourth grade, we did a class play about the California Gold Rush. I was stuck into three songs in a row. The middle one was called Argonauts. I liked it, but not the other two, which I scarcely recall now. It didn’t occur to me that I could simply refuse to perform the other two songs. I also didn’t like my long term sub at the time. Anyways, that’s what I think about whenever I hear the ‘-naut’ suffix. [10] I don’t know how true to life such worksheets are. It’s possibly as accurate as Sailor Fukus in High School. [11] As some who completed a Couch to 5k, that’s official fast. [12] Suffice it to say, there’s a reason Kanae appeals to me. [13] I keep meaning to get frozen yogurt. There’s a place theoretically within walking distance. But then I have to remember to go there.