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emeraldspiral · 1 year ago

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Looking at Invader Zim age discourse trying to claim that X number of years in one species's lifespan is the equivalent of 1 human year makes all of my brain cells want to commit die. It's "Loki is 16" all over again. I'm begging yall to get off social media and take a science class cause Jesus Christ how do you function in society being this ignorant?

Different species do not mature at the same rate relative to their lifespan. Grogu being a toddler for 50 years is not a thing that actually happens in nature.

Let's look at dogs for a second. It's commonly said that a dog ages 7 years per 1 human year. Most dogs live about 10-13 years, or 70-91 years, which sounds about right, doesn't it? But some dogs live to see 20-31, or 140-217, way longer than any human has ever lived. But let's also consider their early development. Dogs can start walking after just a couple of weeks while human babies take several months. Dogs can reach adulthood and sexual maturity in less than a year. Some 7 year old children do experience premature puberty, but this is far from being the norm and does not mean they are fully mature adults. Additionally, it is said that a fully adult dog only has the cognition of a 3-5 year-old human child. No matter which way you look at it, you can not equate the way a dog matures and ages to human development and lifespan.

Most newborn animal species, regardless of how long or short their lives are, are much further along in their development than human babies are, closer to toddlers than infants. Many are able to walk or crawl within a few days or even minutes after birth. Compared to most animal babies, human babies would be considered extremely premature.

With Zim, we saw onscreen that as a newborn he could walk, stand upright, jump, grab and hold things, and speak, more like a human 3-5 year-old than an infant. If we were going by the logic of "1 Irken year is 10 human years" that goes around in fanon, 10-year-old Zim should still be a baby, only barely be able to walk, pick up objects, and say a few words. But in the unfinished episode The Trial, concept art for 10-year-old Zim shows him looking like about what you'd expect the actual Irken equivalent of a 10-year-old to look like; taller than a newborn, but smaller than an adult, which for Irkens doesn't get much taller than a human 12-year-old with rare exceptions. There really is no basis what-so-ever to assume that Zim has only developed to the equivalent of 12 or 16, especially when he has a job in the military and lives on his own with no supervision. I don't know why anybody who headcanons that for shipping reasons would even want that to be the case when by that logic it would mean Dib and Gaz and any other human characters they want to pair him with would very quickly grow up to be adults while he remained a child.

In most cases, when dealing with extremely long-lived fantasy/sci-fi races, if the rate of aging is addressed at all, it is much more likely that the characters develop at the same rate as humans until they reach their 20s, at which point they'd be fully mature physically and from then on their bodies would simply not break down and display signs of aging as quickly as a humans. It makes no sense for a humanoid species to remain in a state of helpless infancy for decades or spend hundreds of years going through puberty. The only times you'll usually ever see something like that in fiction is if it's being played for a joke, or because the writers actually wanted to address how messed-up it would be to be to go through developmental stages like that for so long. Usually it's not even a matter of aging, the characters are just vampires or androids or something stuck at whatever age for eternity, yearning to grow up but never being able to.

Keep in mind however, that physical age and maturity are separate things. There's no reason to think that just because a character is immortal or long-lived that they mature as slowly as they age. Maturity has a lot more to do with life experience than physical growth, especially once your brain finishes developing at around 25. Often in fiction, when dealing with an immortal adolescent, being condescended to as if they were a child is a source of great frustration because they do have the mind of an adult. On the flip side, even in real life some people in their 30s, 40s, and 50s may be stuck in a state of arrested development, with teenagers surpassing their level of maturity.

My personal interpretation of Zim is that he's a manchild. He probably aged more or less like a human until his 20s and then stayed physically 20-25 for decades or centuries until the time the show takes place. He's just so immature he finds his equal in a 12-year-old human child. However, if he were to stay on earth long enough, I could see him maturing along with his peers at skool and starting to act more his age when they get into their 20s, (assuming he actually follows them to hi skool and college and doesn't just keep repeating 6th grade forever). If he stuck around Dib and Gaz into their 30s and beyond, I could see him continuing to match their level of maturity into their old age while he remains physically young.

If you have a problem with Zim being canonically an adult pretending to be a child, I don't know what to tell you guys. Like, if you think it's sad, that's the point. Literally, in the commentary for Mortos, Jhonen says that's the joke. That Zim's "basically an old man" getting into slap-fights with actual children and it's funny because it's so pathetic. If you think it's creepy, that's also kinda the point. He's a villain. The fact that he's not even human and that he's plotting the demise of the human race is already disturbing. He steals a bunch of children's organs in like, the third episode. He used time-traveling rubber piggies to maim and eventually kill Dib starting from when he was a toddler and then took a victory sip after watching the life leave his eyes. The entire concept of Zim is inherently sinister and predatory. But at the same time, Zim being a sexual threat is completely off the table. Canonically, he's aroace. He has no reproductive organs and no sex drive. He finds humans repulsive, and between that, his germophobia, and general paranoia it would be far more in-character for him to be terrified of the prospect of unwanted sexual advances than to be a sexual predator himself. That's why I don't think anybody thought too hard about Zim trying to woo Tak when he thought she was an actual human child, and why you shouldn't either. Yes, he had ill intentions toward her, because he is a bad guy, but those intentions were entirely chaste. Zim is not a threat to children because he might try to manipulate them into inappropriate relationships, he's a threat to children because he might manipulate them into helping him enslave their race.

There's no need to hand-wring about problematic age discourse. We're talking about a horror comedy that was cancelled two decades ago where the prospect of romance was never on the table to begin with. There is no such thing as a canon-compliant romance fanfic, and all fanfic by definition is non-canon anyway so it doesn't even matter. Make the characters whatever ages you want and tweak their characterization or circumstances in whatever ways you need to make whatever the fuck story you wanna tell work. It's all make-believe anyway. You don't need to make up fake quotes or deny or creatively interpret real quotes or bend yourselves into pretzels to prove the age headcanons you use to justify why you do or don't like a ship.

But for fucks sake, if you're gonna go there at least pretend like you know a single goddamned thing about the way aging, development, and maturity work before you unironically make talking points following the same logic as "According to my calculations, this character first portrayed by Tom Hiddleston at age 29 is actually 16".

#invader zim #age discourse #about fictional characters #is so fucking stupid #like #i can't even believe some of the stuff you people say with a straight face #zadr #zadf

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vickyvicarious · 1 year ago

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Ignore me if I got the wrong person to pester, but I thought you were the one or one of the people talking about Mina following a routine and paying a lot of attention to time and clocks and schedules. Anyway I was catching up and saw. August 10 11 o’clock p. m.—Oh, but I am tired! If it were not that I had made my diary a duty I should not open it to-night. And I thought she thinks that her a diary each day is a duty? And also, then some of the dates she wrote are not included.

I think I have mentioned it a little, but I believe @thegoatsongs has talked about it more!

But yeah, I agree that Mina definitely seems to do this. And her diary specifically is a self-assigned duty for the summer. She talked about it in her letter to Lucy on 9 May, when she said she was going to write more substantially than "one of those two-pages-to-the-week-with-Sunday-squeezed-in-a-corner diaries [...] it is really an exercise book. I shall try to do what I see lady journalists do: interviewing and writing descriptions and trying to remember conversations." That doesn't specify daily entries but it does seem like she wanted to have them. Otherwise lines like you quoted above, or her 17 August "No diary for two whole days. I have not had the heart to write." lose a lot of weight. And I do think they're important.

Mina will try and squeak in an entry at the last minute to make sure she gets one for the day. She feels guilty or perhaps disappointed in herself when she's too beaten down to write for two days in a row. What began as a fun challenge to herself has in some ways become another burden, another responsibility. Just because it's self-imposed doesn't make that less true I think. Of course, it's hardly only a burden and I don't think it's overall or even mostly negative for her, only incidentally. She is able to track Lucy's health which is useful, she is able to express her emotions and talk about the secrets surrounding her. It gives her a place to vent, even just a little, and that's huge. But I do think Mina does have a tendency to blame herself and that shows up a little in that line about missing days.

And speaking of missing days... obviously all I've said assumes she has been writing every day, which would mean we haven't gotten all her entries. I think we are only seeing Mina's Dracula-relevant entries. So she has been writing every day... it's just, some days only talk about the play they went to see, or someone she interviewed in town, etc. Those aren't relevant to the story. Lucy's health and sleepwalking is, her fears about Jonathan are, the Demeter is, Mr. Swales is, that bat definitely is... every single one of her entries includes at least one of those topics. Usually multiple.

And this is the case throughout everything. We get an establishing letter or two to explain where/who people are/what their relationships are to one another, but then everything else must be relevant to Dracula or it doesn't appear. Hence Arthur and Quincey vanishing from the narrative, despite us knowing Arthur at least has written to Lucy. We knew Mina and Lucy exchanged other letters in the beginning as well, which we didn't get to see. Seward presumably might have phonograph records discussing other patients too, but we don't get those, just the ones about Renfield (and also his feelings for Lucy).

I think the only person who we've seen everything from is Jonathan, and that for the simple reason that everything he wrote was relevant. He didn't have any opportunities to write anything totally separate from the topic of Dracula since arriving at the castle. And mileage varies on whether he wrote Dracula-relevant things that have been censored out (or chose not to write them in order to self-censor), such as getting bitten, but I personally look at the timing I think it happened and also Lucy being unable to fully remember being drunk from, and I don't think he left anything out of his diary on purpose. But Jonathan was in a pretty unique position with no freedom to write otherwise. Everyone else can and probably does - maybe they don't all keep diaries (we can pretty firmly say Lucy at least doesn't currently because that would absolutely be relevant) but they must be writing letters at the least. And we don't get those.

Of course, there's a reason for this: [spoilers!]. But also, it just makes sense not to clutter up the novel with tons of irrelevant letters and is kind of just a staple of the epistolary genre to only present the reader with plot-relevant documents.

#dracula daily #mina murray #replies #anonymous #i had to write this out a second time after accidentally deleting it 2/3 of the way through :(

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antiholdinghandsclub · 2 months ago

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Moving On from the Soulmate who wasn’t meant to be.

It started with a look. At first, I thought it was because he didn’t want me there, a look of almost pity. Or maybe discomfort. It might have been there in the end. No matter what, even before the whole thing happened. There was always a look; his eyes would always find mine. There was this gravitational pull toward him, even if he was only a few feet away. I had been away from him for so long that I couldn’t not want to be with him just this one night. As the night got longer and the drinks started to settle in our bloodstream, the same blood that was making our hearts beat faster at each other. His hands always looked for mine, and I would feel the warmth just for a few seconds before the moment got robbed from us. Then there were touches on my waist, sometimes even lower. But I didn’t mind; it’s what I had been wanting for years. The glares and the mom stares when he and I would get too close made the drinks want to come up, but I felt like a defiant teen wanting to do it regardless. He pulled me away once, with the hand that constantly looked for mine. He ignored the other girls who dressed better than me and looked better. We made it to the backyard, where he left me alone for a minute while I tried to rationalize what was happening. When he came back, it was the beginning of what would inevitably be the end. His eyes hidden behind his shades, I could still tell he was looking at me. His body pulled himself toward mine and wrapped his arms around me. His scent stayed with me til the next day. Although it was cold outside, and he was barely wearing anything, I could still feel the warmth that I had been craving. Until it was interrupted again. They had sent someone to check on us and bring us back to reality, to the fact that what we were doing was wrong. I sprayed some of his cologne on me before we went back in. The events of the night mix together like whatever jungle juice they had at the party. But I still remember his hands trying to find me. At some point, he tried to separate us from the rest, and even in a crowd of people, we were finally alone. His swaying body found me, and soon, his lips followed. It was rushed but desperate. We were both scared that the moment would end, or it was because we were hungry. Hungry for the taste of someone we couldn’t have, a craving that had been there for years. They found us in the corner, scolding us like we were about to be grounded.I could already feel the heat getting to me, the kind that would make me break down and fall into the hole in my chest. After arguing and coming to our senses, they allowed us 10 ( more like 15 ) minutes more together. And boy, did we make the most of it. His lips constantly found mine, only letting go when he needed a breather. His hands roamed everywhere I had fantasized of them reaching. And I felt him against me. All his words of how hot and pretty and beautiful I was. How he’d been wanting this for so long. So have I. Then we were separated again, and the rest of the night I spent groveling. I knew that all of my relationships would never be the same again; I’m not quite sure how everyone saw me after that night. I knew how one person saw me; it was enough for me to distance myself from everyone. I wanted to be the one to take care of him, but I knew none of them would ever let that happen. Safe to say, I was banned from ever hanging out with all of them when they were with him. I declared never to return again. Not to the place where I knew my heart would stay forever.

I knew and still know now that it was wrong. I mean what about her. But even when I was thinking of her in the moment and even after, I couldn’t feel guilty. I couldn’t feel an ounce of regret. How could I? He’s been mine for what seemed like ever even though he’s actually hers. I thought that the want would go away after having this moment with him but it just made it stronger because I got a taste of what it would be like if I was with him instead. I’m a little conflicted because I’m still not clear if he really wanted me or what I looked like. But him telling me that being there was something he looked forward to was all he had to say to replay that scene over and over. He lied for me, like our moment was ours and no one else to spoil.

Our friends were there and his friends. I know they’re pissed at us even if only two people made their thoughts apparent. I’d never been scolded that bad by a friend and I know she meant well I just wish she would butt out. She expressed her concerns with me coming so long before the night even came upon us and did the same again that night. She tried so hard to pull me away, have other people keep us in check. But it wasn’t enough. Not when our hearts were pulling at the strings of each other. I can’t even begin to think about what they are talking about or talked about when I was gone. In their private messages or what they will talk about when they’re all together. I’m terrified of something I’ll never know.

Like I said, I wanted it to be a one time thing. Something that would get rid of the feelings I have for him and get me to come out of my senses; get out of my head. But it didn’t It only made it worse knowing he felt the same, at least a sliver of what I wanted. He was honest with me not only about that night but about the circumstances about why we were even talking about it in the first place. If you’re in such a bad place why are you still with her? I hated the back and forth but it’s the only thing that keeps me tied to him. I hated the silence, and this made up for it. Now I’ll never see him again as long as she’s in the picture. I need to know if he’s still thinking about it. Thinking about me. I don’t know why I can’t move on. Maybe it’s because he was still looking at me the same the next day when he got better or on the ride home. It was somewhat the same except this time it was like he wanted to continue to apologize. I just want one more chance to talk to him, or maybe relive the experience.

I deactivated the form of communication I had with everyone. I left a paragraph in his inbox; I’m not sure if he’s read it or not. I just need to be alone right now. Or at least with people who weren’t there that night. I should stop thinking about it; that’s probably the most important step. Or find something to distract me from remembering. But how do I do that? Even in the beginning, those distractions never lasted long because I always ended up back in this place of despair, wanting to know what was so wrong with me. I was watching “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before,” and I couldn’t help but think about what LJ said to Peter about how she never had a boyfriend. Because as nice as it is to write and read about the love you want so bad, it’s scary to think you could have it in real life. Because what if what you’re fighting for is only gonna let go and leave you as you were. I never should have said I love you, you never said it back so why do I still care for you? Maybe I’m still waiting for him to say it. But I need to get it in my head that it’s never going to happen. Maybe that’ll help me move on.

#girlblogging #female rage #real #please just one chance #about you #i love you #i miss you #i wish i was your girl

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nothing0fnothing · 11 months ago

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I was 9 or 10 and sitting in the front seat of the busted little green car my stepdad used the drive.

I hated sitting in the front seat when he was driving. It was a level of separation away from my friend in the back seat, but it also gave him easy acsess to hurt me when he was sitting across from me. He was an expert at it too. I'd have stars in my vision from being smacked into the passenger window or be screaming in pain from having the pressure points in my knee squeezed and rolled, and he wouldn't even swerve.

He pulled the car to a stop outside of youth group and by the time he was round to the open passenger side window I was just taking my seat belt off and finishing my thought.

I wasn't out of the car fast enough for him, so he jabbed me, hard on the arm, 5 times. So hard my eyes stung with the threat of tears and my arm was still tender and sore a half hour later. I saw why when we were given permission to remove our uniform jackets and I got a look at what my arm looked like in my cap sleeve top. I instinctively pulled the jacket back on over it.

4 blue, sore fingerprints in a straight line down my upper arm. No wonder it was tender, it looked awful. The prints looked massive on me too, painting about a third of my entire upper arm. There was no way it'd look like the result of children roughhousing on the playground. These were unmistakably adult male fingerprints.

I'd gone pale and sick looking when I realised how bad it was. It had happened less than a foot from my friends face in the car and it happened so quick, she hadn't even noticed, literally nobody would beleive me even if I told the honest truth, but I had no way to lie either. I was thinking up a solution where I only wore long tops in the June heat for a few weeks when I got pulled to the back.

"You alright Cor'?" It was the sweet old man who ran the youth group. I always liked him, which made it so much sadder for me to lie to him.

"Fine thanks" I tried to put some pep on it but it just sounded like anxiety. That with the sickly drained face and being the only kid in uniform, he was unsure.

A few minutea later, the two nicest grown ups and I were in the kitchen alone while the other kids played and the other 3 leaders supervised. I was given a sugary cup of milky tea and a biscuit while we chatted small talk for a few minutes. They tried to seem nonchalant in their attitude, probably in hopes I'd be more honest if I didn't know this chat was based in concern, but I was too observant for that. I wasn't a normal nine year old kid, this wasn't my first time involved in a 'casual chat' with some nice grownups who just wanted to talk a little bit about my home life.

It made me want to cry, but I knew if I did it would mean even more concern, so I smiled and chomped biscuits and pretended to be a normal kid. I'd felt confident I had skirted my way out of a talk with my parents about my weird behaviour and it showed. So when they ran a scripted "it's so warm in here we should all take our jackets off" bit, it was incredibly obvious my stomach had dropped into the floor and my blood went cold.

Somebody had seen the bruises.

"Come on Cordelia, you're running around out there you must be very warm with your jacket on."

I looked into my tea and breathed shakily to get myself together. "I'm actually really cold." I said, kicking myself because I knew I wasn't fooling anyone.

"Didn't I see you with it off earlier? Were you not warm then?"

"I was, but I'm cold now." I'd gone from GoGo Juice pep to sullen preteen in 8 seconds. They knew they were onto something.

"You know, when you're a grown up at a youth group your job becomes to look after the kids, and if something was wrong we'd like to look after you."

Now I was staring straight at the table, blinking tears down and sniffling. I knew they'd seen it, but I also knew I couldn't show them for fear of what would meet me in 45 minutes when my parents showed up to collect me.

"Imagine if you were a grown up and you had a kid your age who was sad and wanted to wear their uniform jacket on a hot day, what would you be worried about?"

"That they would overheat." I replied, but when the response back was silence I anxiously filled it. "Or maybe they were hiding something."

"Are you hiding something Cordelia?" Fuck.

"You can check my pockets if you want." I said evasively. It felt horrible to lie barefaced like this. I was sure that this would colour their opinion of me forever, that all of the adults would know I was a lying liar and none of them would like me anymore. I felt so sour about it. No other kid had to pick between being safe at home and being liked at youth group. Being liked by the adults was so important to me too. I hoped I could make this up later, but realistically I knew no adult would like a lying child.

When I sipped the tea it was warm and comforting. I'd gone cold with anxiety. I had been given a grown up, pink ceramic mug rather than one of the Styrofoam cups they usually serve drinks to the kids in. I cupped it in my hands felt the comforting wave of warmth spread through my body.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the shiny surface of my phone screen, I looked sick for sure. My eyes looked beady and black, my skin looked pale and lifeless and all over my face and neck I had prickled goosebumps. This is how I look every time it goes very bad at home, I know because I had watched my own face drain of colour in the mirror once when I saw the results of another bad day blinking back at me. It was something to do with remembering it, it just made me feel like it was happening again.

I sat with the group leaders for the rest of our session, honestly thankful for the cups of tea and the comforting space away from the other children to process what had happened on the drive up. I opened up about some things, school and home and friends. I think at first I thought I was manipulating them away from the bruises on my forearm, but eventually I was crying and sipping teas and eating biscuits and feeling the weights I didn't know I was carrying lift off my shoulders.

They were patient and understanding, and they wanted me to talk as much as I could. I think they thought if I opened up enough I'd would bring the walls down and I'd stop being so guarded about what happened to my arm. I didn't. They never got to confirm what they saw, I never breathed a word about my violent, scary home life and I showed up with long sleeves every subsequent week.

I think they told social services anyway, who came to my school to check. By the time I was sat with an investigator it was weeks later and my incredibly obvious finger print bruises had faded to yellow and green smudges I could have gotten anywhere. I said I got them playing outside. No action needed.

#childhood abuse #traumatic experience #traumatic memory #psychological trauma #traumatic memories #trauma recovery #narcissistic abuse #raised by narcissists #vent post #toxic parents #toxic mom #complex trauma #parental abuse #childhood trauma #dysfunctional family #dysfunctional household

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kaihoku · 2 years ago

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V24 HELLO, GOODBYE – February, 1999

[meet-->met-->met] I believe meetings and encounters come in all shapes and sizes. And when these experiences happen in an organic and natural way, I think what we say to each other in parting changes accordingly. My favorite way of saying goodbye is “See you again.”

~*~

Imagine waking up, taking a shower and then opening up the curtains to be greeted by a pod of about 30 dolphins jumping and frolicking in the waves. That was the sort of nature untouched by man that I got to experience when I went to Maui Island in Hawaii for a magazine interview. The island dwellers there are completely different from anyone else I've met. I guess there’s no better word to describe them than “mellow,” which a lot of them are. The word “mellow” itself means exactly as it sounds. They don't seem to stress themselves out much and tend to simply go with the flow. Just being able to meet people like that makes going to Maui a beyond worthwhile experience.

Surfing at a Maui beach, I would occasionally come across this famous old surfer. He’d make small inane talk like, “Great weather today, huh?” or “Didja see that whale comin’ up back there?” and we’d take pictures after coming out from the sea. The whole exchange would take maybe around 10 minutes, after which we’d part ways with a simple, “See ya ‘round.” That was it. The old timer would then jump into his car and drive off. Watching him as he disappeared from view, I’d think to myself, “I could get used to this.”

Maybe when meetings happen naturally, the parting also feel natural. Like, when we casually part ways, there’s a notion that we could just as casually meet again. Imagine how awkward it‘d be if we made a big deal out of parting ways only to bump into one another almost immediately in the same train or something.

I never felt sad even when I graduated or when I moved out to live on my own. During high school graduation, my head was full of thoughts on what to do next. The concept of parting ways honestly didn’t occur to me until I saw some girls crying about it. And well, it’s cute when girls cry about things like this. Even though we shared the same classroom for a while, it wasn’t like we ever had a single meaningful conversation so I’d go up to some of them and ask them what they’re crying for.

I'm always thinking about what comes next so, if anything, I think of it as something to look forward to when it comes time to part ways. And I think that’s because the changes that happen are all ones I’d have picked anyway.

Truth be told, I neither prefer nor agree with the term “parting,” because I believe that from the moment people meet, even if it’s just the one time and no matter how short the encounter, they are connected one way or another for life. Even when it comes to romantic relationships, even if I were to break up with the other person, I don’t want to think that’s the end of everything between us. If staying friends isn’t an option, then I’d like for there to be something still. Something new that doesn’t need to be defined.

After graduating, when I could no longer use semester to separate time, I started to book end them by the run of a drama series’ run or by the start and the wrap-up of the work that I do. Being able to meet a ton of people, there are of course going to be people with whom I merely pass by. But among all these people, there are some who may only know me as “Kimutaku” at first but see me as “Takuya Kimura” after they’ve gotten to know me.

They’d say, “Hm, you’re a lot easier to talk to then I thought you’d be,” or “You’re just a regular dude!” And we’d become friends. When that happens, it always feels like when I change out of a costume. And even for friends, I prefer not to define them separately by identifying whom I can consider as a true friend and whatnot. Whether they be a close friend or simply an acquaintance, I’m not particular. I believe it’s only natural to want to spend time with people whom we feel we can have a good time with at any particular time without the need to rank them in order of closeness.

I know it’s pretty out of character for me but I recently started using the computer. Just a short while ago, I had thought it‘d probably be something I’d never become acquainted with. Hide, who just got transferred to play for a team in Italy, was bugging me about keeping in touch via e-mail so in order to dissuade him of the idea, I jokingly said to him, “But I don’t own a computer. Yanno, since my birthday’s right around the corner, how about you gift me one? I’ll e-mail you as much as you want then.” And, well, he did just that. He’s even got it all configured and set up nicely.

Not leaving me with much of a choice, I flew to start fulfilling my part of the bargain and managed to send him my first e-mail somehow. The next day his reply came: “See? You can do it if you try.” It’s always nice when someone tells us we can do it, or that we did it. This part of me didn’t change at all from when I was a little pre-school going kid.

I then wasted no time in sending e-mails to the friends I made in Maui, all the while feeling like I’ve got to be one of the most blessed people on earth when it comes to meeting people.

-jimbocho-

#takuya kimura #kaihoku #aka takuya's stream of consciousness

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ebblogs · 23 days ago

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Manifesto of Life Happiness

Word Count: 825

Everyone has different ideas of what life happiness is and how to get it. When it comes to me, I view life happiness as the feeling of satisfaction with your life and sense of wellbeing. You don’t always have to feel that way but when you look back that's what you’ll overall feel. Now with what brings life happiness into a person's life is different and unique for everyone. Looking back on my assignment submissions I saw a pattern. I would tend to post about the joys, comfort, and happiness in my life.

For this assignment I will be using three different assignment submissions, they follow as, Module 6: Poetic License, Module 9: Photographer’s Eye, and Module 14: Ekphrasis. Only one of these assignments, Photographer’s Eye, is actually related to the joys in my life while the others are not directly related to the topic but they do correlate to what brings me life happiness. For the first assignment, Module 6: Poetic License, I had to find a poem that I found interesting or related to and write about the meaning and why I chose that poem. In this case I found a poem about winter, my favorite season, and decided to write about it. The poem was about a snowy winter morning and what the narrator saw, heard, and felt. This then brought me back to my childhood and early teen years where I grew up on Long Island, New York. While reading the poem the image I saw was of myself in my childhood home, room, pets, and town, the place I find the most joy, comfort, and happiness in.

The second assignment I will be using is, Module 9: Photographer’s Eye. For this assignment, I had to find photos that resembled memories and the topic I chose was the joys in my life. The topics I chose were, pets, Disney, New York Yankees, video games, and New York, hometown, and childhood. As for all of these, they all have separate meanings and feelings but overall they all do the same thing. They all bring me joy, comfort, and happiness. As writing this I have made a realization between all of these, they're all a big part of my childhood. I have had pets all my life. My cat is 16, one of my dogs is 10, and my other dog is 6. I have had pets and animals all my life. I have been going to Disney my whole life as well. The first time I visited I was one year old. My parents joined the “Disney Vacation Club” before I was born in 1999, which is why we still go to this day. Since I can remember my family has been New York Yankees fans. During the baseball season there is always a game on. We have gone to several games both in New York and Tampa. Video games have been a part of my life since I can remember. My dad used to play them when I was younger and now my brother and I play them and have been since we were young. Last but not least, New York, my Hometown, and Childhood home. I grew up in a town about 45 minutes away from the city. I grew up going to the city to see the big Rockefeller Christmas tree, going to Broadway shows, and taking day trips to walk around the city. I have so many unforgettable memories from not only just the state of New York but also my hometown and childhood home. I miss it a lot and can’t wait to go back.

For the third assignment I chose, Module 14: Ekphrasis. For this assignment I had to look for an art piece and write a poem about it. The painting I chose was a parody of the painting “Freedom From Want.” by Norman Rockwell made by Noah Regan. The painting consists of a family Thanksgiving dinner. The poem I wrote was about a family and their Thanksgiving night slowly going wrong but then something funny happens and they all laugh it off. Even though things go wrong, a family full of love will always move on from it. In a way I based the poem off my family especially during holidays. It seems that no matter what something always goes wrong and there may be yelling but by the end of it all we laugh it off and still love each other. A family like this will always bring me joy, comfort, and happiness.

Not only this assignment but also this class in general helped me dive deeper into my own thoughts and emotions. It made me realize the things that I was taking for granted. Joy, comfort, and happiness can be overlooked during the time being but later on you’ll realize what you’re missing and be upset you took it for granted at the time and wished you were currently living in it.

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keefwho · 7 months ago

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June 05 2024 - Wednesday

10:24pm

5/10

This morning I wiped down my mirror/sink and shelf that holds most of my bathroom stuff. I also cleaned each individual item so it was all spotless. For breakfast I made a breakfast sandwich with rice and it came with 2 slices of cheese instead of 1.

For work I warmed up with what I attempted to be quick color studies of bedrooms. Then I completely finished the next commission, nearly putting me a day ahead. AL was being weird in stream today, clearly emotional about something but luckily I didn't have to intervene.

After stream I hopped on desktop VRchat while I looked for the songs sampled by a lot of the vaporwave I listen to. There were a few good ones I simply couldn't track down but I got a few. As usual in chaotic public VRchat lobbies, there were a lot of teens trying to be edgy/funny. For lunch I made tuna spaghetti.

Real quick, theres a lot of small things that happen that I just don't talk about and I think it's because I think it's embarrassing that they are even notable enough to write down. It makes me feel like I have so little going on that *this* was a landmark of my day. I also think I really didn't care about a lot of these small things I did so I don't want to talk about them like there were important to me because they weren't. They mostly stick out because of how unsatisfied I was with what I was doing but its what I DID so thats all I have to talk about. Id rather stick to documenting things that were actually important to me.

In the afternoon I did today's request and hopped into VRchat again to continue a painting "from life" I was doing. The world I joined had some guys in it, all mid-teens I think. They were an edgy little bunch aside from the 1 guy that stayed after the others left. We conversed for awhile, and by that I mean I asked him a billion questions since he didn't seem to know how to keep a conversation going. They a couple more of his friends joined to talk. It was decent company while I painted.

I hopped off to focus on working on my pony avatar. I took a few minute break, at a cookie, and got to work. I did some weight painting and attemped baking some ambient occlusion on it to see if it would be an improvement. I think it'd be better if I manually painted on any shadows/details I want.

After work I took a short desk nap while watching FLoB stream. I was mentally tuckered out so that helped. Then I joined BR's server to watch them play Minecraft for a bit. I also got whitelisted for their server so I can hop in when I'm ready to start. Then I hit up DS to chill.

We watched a furry con vlog and poked fun at some of the interesting people we saw while discussing other topics. She was gluing pieces of her fursuit foot together but had a lot of trouble with it and had to put it off until tomorrow. Before she headed upstairs, we perused this scent oil website to see what would be best to make a spray for her fursuit. I was sold on one called "secret garden." Also put some thought into what I might smell like, I think something associated with 'brown' like coffee or a kind of nut.

In bed we did puzzles and chatted some more. We talked about what it means to be evil and what it might take to be someone that works with dead bodies. After she went to sleep I browsed around everywhere before my nightly routine, nothing in particular.

I had the same bad thoughts and feelings as usual today but I am just staying aware of them and thats it. Its helping in the sense that I still maintain at least some degree of mental clarity separate from whatever is going on in my head. This is defusion at work.

#journal #diary

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storytellersjheller · 1 year ago

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High-Functioning Dragon. . .

Dragons are mythical creatures that have been around since the beginning; even the Egyptians had dragons. Just think of it, a world separated by distance, and yet, dragons are everywhere and span all types of mythologies and vary in size, color and build.

I consider myself a dragon in some ways. Women, such as myself, have autism much like men, however, ours show in different ways then men. I'm not the only one in my family that is on the spectrum either; I won't go into details, though we all get it from my Dad who had Asperger's.

Aspergers; what kind of name is that? I mean, seriously?

I was taught to sound things out as a kid from my speech therapists to help with my lisp. Could you imagine, a 10 year-old me, or any kid for that matter, trying to sound out and write Aspergers?

Likely come out as @$$burger and the teacher would take the paper away and we would have no idea what we did wrong.

In fact, something similar happened to me in grade school; as soon as the teaching aid saw that I tried to rhyme duck, she grabbed my eraser and erased the word, saying, "we don't use that word here."

I thought it was strange at the time that she erased my work, but now as an adult, I try not to laugh at the thought.

My first step in my life as a dragon was when I was eventually diagnosed with astigmatism, as well as near and far sighted; not sure how that can happen, but apparently I get it from my Dad. My Dad also had blue eyes like me, so I literally have my Dad's eyes. So, yeah, I was in middle school sporting bifocals, though I didn't care since for the first time, I could actually see. I read more and did better on tests.

Over the years, such things as writing, reading and math were still hard for me; and they remain that way to this day. I'd get my numbers and letters mixed up, wondering if perhaps I was stupid or wasn't paying attention. My Mom theorized that I had dyslexia; and she was right, however, the path to getting the help that I needed didn't come easy.

in the state that I'm originally from, all we'd have to do is walk into my doctor's office and get tested for dyslexia, get a note and bring it to the school for an IEP. But after we moved to Arizona where we are now live, things weren't so easy; and being be in college made it that much harder.

Yep, you read that right; it took until I was in my 3rd year of college to find a dyslexia therapist who wouldn't charge me an arm and a leg, and maybe a kidney, for a three hour test.

I had gone to my community college's DRS department, but all the numbers they had listed were either too expensive (not one of them took any kind of insurance) or weren't taking on new clients. I ended up getting my therapist through a third party suggestion that still took another couple months before I could actually meet with the therapist.

I was super nervous the day of my appointment even with my Mom coming with me.

Yes, I was a 20-something year old who came with their Mom. I was freaked out and she waited in the parking lot in the car for moral support.

The therapist was nice. She was surprised to see that I'd answered all the questions on her intake form; something I didn't pay much mind to at the time. And we begun the tests. We paused for a bit after 45 minutes so I could use the bathroom. It was on my way back from the restroom, that I'd noticed the carpet of the office; and oh my gosh, my eyes started spinning.

"You have a really trippy carpet." I told the therapist.

She was rightfully confused by the statement, and I explained what I meant and told her that this wasn't the first time that my eyes had been triggered like that.

We continued the tests, and she looked over the results.

Yep, I was dyslexic. My brain interpreted words and sounds differently then normal people would, and also added or replaced words while I read without me even realizing it, too. Yeah, that was trippy to learn about.

"I believe you're high-functioning autistic." The therapist told me.

I swear the world froze around me for a moment.

Me? Autistic? Really?

"I've been doing this a long time, and you have a lot of the signs that are known for women with high-functioning autism." She continued.

I was still in a stake of shock.

Sad thing is, my therapist, though she could help me with my Dyslexia and possible high-functioning autism, couldn't test me officially for HFA (high-functioning autism). I couldn't afford the extra therapy either and haven't been back since.

I went home and started to research, and the more I did, the more I connected with others like me; I felt myself piecing together and started to better understand myself, too, and my Dad and family.

Though keep in mind that HFA for women is different then men, and autism is a wide range, too. New things are being learned about how women at affected by autism; I'm no means a doctor, but merely giving my side of how I see things and how I'm effected by autism.

I know this post is running on the long side, so I'll tell a quick story to better explain my point.

I've been in training as a barista for little near four weeks now.

To help with my Dyslexia, I carry a notebook with me to take notes and help recall things (I also likely have ADHD and OCD, too, so thoughts don't always travel in the directions that they should); but on this shift, I was working the cash register.

My sweet manager was aware of my neurodivergence; I told her a week after I got the job; and she was helping me learn the machine and it's many, many buttons and combinations.

A customer comes up and states their order, checking it come up on the screen while I punch in the order on the register. They finish their order, pay for their drink and the receipt prints.

I hold the receipt out to the customer, asking, "would you like your receipt?"

"How much is it?" The customer replied.

"It's a receipt, it's free."

The customer and my manager started giggling.

I'm left confused and embarrassed not sure why either of them are laughing, but knowing it's me that their giggling at.

"I'm not laughing at you, but with you," The customer giggled.

I wasn't laughing. Not even on the inside.

I know the customer and my manager weren't trying to be mean, and they thought my honest response was sincere and funny.

The customer really wanted to know how much their drink was; something I mentally knew that they could see on the screen and so thought they were asking if the receipt needed to be paid for.

I can be sarcastic, witty, and funny when I mean to be, but there are times, like this one, where I took what they said as face value; this is common in people with HFA. It can feel like a mine field trying to figure out what people mean and how to respond; and this often results in what's called masking.

Think of masking as putting on a mirror; a person who's HFA and in a group will watch how others in the group act and copy those actions or tones to better fit in with the group. I do this countless times, including with my family or out at work; and I can say from experience that trying to put on a mask that I believe will make others happy is draining mentally, emotionally and physically to the point that my anxiety comes in and then I find myself depressed, and it takes training and realizing the signs to know when masking is happening.

It's terrifying to try and be ones true self when all your brain can think about is what people might say and how you might respond, known as scripting, or trying to act like everyone else, such as masking.

And even after all those tests, my community college could only offer a cheep, old recorder that couldn't catch my own voice from an arms length away, a lousy text-to-speech reader that read so poorly that it triggered my auditory senses, and extra time on tests. I asked why that was all the college could do and was told that there wasn't enough funding going to the DRS; it really ticked me off to think that even after bending over backwards to get the testing that I needed, that the most that could be done was some shotty, old equipment and more time on tests. I ended up returning the recorder, getting Speechify and going for the extra time.

Calling myself a dragon started as a joke between me and my little cuz because my eyes look in different directions due to my astigmatism and double prism (also known as Lazy Eye, because one eye compensates for the other; only I have that in BOTH eyes; dang overachievers. I also am a bit colorblind as well.) Though the more I learned about myself, the more odd, or mythical that I kind of felt.

Women with HFA are also known to collect things, and well, I'm no different so like a dragon, I have a collection of various 'artifacts'. And my family tends to call my spots in the house as 'nests' because I like to be surrounded by things that make me happy; another thing common to women with HFA. So, yeah, in many ways, I'm a dragon.

I'm pretty sure my ADHD makes me like a fox; jumping from one place to another at the thought of something shiny only to quickly forget what I was even looking at before.

Not even sure what to go for with my OCD.

So maybe I'm like a fox dragon? Dragon kitsune? I've surely feel I've lived more then one life with everything I've been through, learned about myself and experienced.

If you've made it this far, tell me what kind of creature, mythical or otherwise, that you relate to and why; I'd be interested to know.

A group of dragons is called a thunder (que Imagine Dragon's song) and I'd like to get to know who's apart of mine, dragon or anything else. Dragon's are own as protectors and guardians, and so am I; so welcome to my Thunder.

#writer #writing #high functioning autism #neruodivergent #Thunder #author #paranormal #fantasy #podcast #writing community #Speechify #dyslexia

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agentjazzy · 2 years ago

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GOD

just played the most intense game of evil dead the game In My Life (or, er, in the 111 hours I've put into it, lol)

under the cut for nerd shit/game lingo/long recap

i've only ever solo q'd, so every game is a surprise, but this one, oh my godddddd

started with a team of Ruby, Hunter Ash, Support Ash, and, me, Warrior Ash! (I upgraded him to level 25 last night, and am working on prestiging him 😊) meanwhile, the demon picked Baal

the demon found us right when we found the first page tho 😔 they tried the possession>trap loop, but since we were grouped up at the time, it didn't work

then, we split off a bit, half looting and half getting the pages - it kinda worked? the demon would down someone, but the other would revive them/run then resurrect

after we got all pages, we grouped up at the 1st objective, and, uh. didn't do too good. support ash went down early and the demon put up so many portals we couldn't revive him in time. same w/ hunter ash. me and ruby secured the point though 😎

we were next to misery manor, so obvi we started looting because we were Low On Shemps

weren't quick enough bc the demon showed up and downed support ash 😔 we all killed the possessed unit, and hunter ash grabbed the soul to revive but then.. support ash disconnected. UGH.

Hard to tell if it was intentional or not, bc there's been A Fair Amount of unintended disconnects (but also intentional.... 😑)

but anyway, we persevered! because, why not? 2nd objective was on the opposite end of the map (below fishing village) so we ended up separating by virtue of speed, hunter ash in the lead and me in the back. saw that they kept getting possessed so there might've been some trap looping happening, but idk

anyway we had No Shemps, there was 6 minutes on the timer, and we were Right Next to fishing village so I looted 1 building and found 2 shemps

meanwhile, Ruby was downed 😶 SO. I get her soul and revive her, while Hunter Ash is dealing with HORDES. there's less than 5 minutes left, we HAVE TO start point, and... Hunter Ash goes down.

I proceed to ignore him 😅 and go up to the objective and then. can't. start it. bc THERE'S SO MANY PORTALS. there's like. 4 minutes left. I manage to start it and then it's me and ruby for, like. 20 seconds. then she goes down 😭 i can't revive bc there's HORDES and I am at QUARTER HEALTH and I'm barely able to use a shemp before I get hit

At this point I'm, like, positive I'm playing a losing game. I have less than half health. I'm all alone on a demon-occupied point. I started this point with 4 minutes and something seconds left on the timer - I'm pretty sure that, all alone, that objective timer isn't gonna go up fast enough.

and there's HORDES of basics and elites around me. so.

I activate my ability to get that tiny amount of health back, then start CUT SCENE-ING the SHIT out of everyone

I am SLAMMING on that finisher button. just Warrior Ash against the entire fucking world. the demon just keeps dropping more and more portals - which, thank GOD they didn't possess anyone; I would've gone down, no doubt in my mind - and I just keep entering cutscnes with my basic chainsaw

(which, sidenote: 99% sure that Hunter Ash had a Legendary chainsaw. what the heck........ I mean, it worked out in my low health favor, as I definitely wouldn't have been able to cutscene with it. but. cmon. principle of the matter.)

ANYWAYS. the timer on the game is counting down when. oh my god. Objective Complete. Everyone is resurrected. It was a MIRACLE.

anyway we made it to ancient ones, though we Did split up (I found 2 more shemps on the way) we knocked it down to the 2nd bar, but then Ruby got downed. I grabbed her soul, but was JUST too late to resurrect her before the storm covered the alter. bummer

I got back, hunter ash was down and died too. the 2 shemps didn't last very long 😔 so I died shortly after, so demon won

but besides that. god. what a game. 10/10. demon was great, though they could've won if they possessed an elite unit at any given time I was alone. Very happy they didn't, because it turned out I downed 94 basic unites and 40-ish elite units - amazing progress towards my prestige 😌

#evil dead the game #jazzy keeps blogging til the blog ends

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moderndaymelodrama · 3 years ago

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yaz’s timeline of loving the doctor (in my opinion): i honestly think that yaz had a crush on the doctor immediately, you can see that in the way she looks at her even very early on in their relationship, but yaz herself was too busy with everything else that was happening to really recognise what it was she was actually feeling. it’s obvious from the beginning that while ryan & graham are here for the adventures, yaz is here for the doctor herself. she starts to get closer and closer to the doctor as the time goes by, but it’s not until the 10 months they’re separated that yaz actually realises that she’s in love with her. that’s why she’s so angry when the doctor comes back so smiley and casual, because she’s spent all this time not only trying to come to terms with the fact she might never see the doctor again, but also trying to come to terms with herself and these new feelings she has. it’s been so painful for her. when jack confronts her she’s terrified, she can hardly explain these feelings to herself, let alone someone she barely knows. she’s terrified because it took him 5 minutes to see something that’s taken her months to work out herself. i know some people think we needed more explicit romantic moments during flux to properly see that yaz was in love, but when you look at it from yaz’s perspective it totally makes sense why there wasn’t. this is probably the first time she’s fallen in love with a woman & it’s her best friend, of course she’s terrified of overstepping the mark, of ruining what they already have, of even slightly acting on these feelings she still can’t even bring herself to say out loud, even just to herself. the feelings do slip out though, in moments of peril (the doctor being turned into a weeping angel) and when the doctor isn’t there to see it (watching the hologram). she just can’t bring herself to accept them, because in her own mind, there’s absolutely no way that the doctor could possibly feel the same way.

the doctor’s timeline of loving yaz (in my opinion): i think the doctor always had a soft spot for yaz, she’s not really sure why, and is more protective over her as time goes on (hence that one scene in praxeus). she’s scared when ryan & graham leave, it was easier travelling with a large group of people because in that situation it’s harder to get attached to one person specifically, she ends up as more their tour guide than their best friend, and she’s ok with that, if it means less chance of getting hurt. at that point, she’s realised just how deep yaz’s feelings for her go (during the “i won’t disappear again” scene) and she promises herself she’ll be careful from this point on. she can’t help herself though. in all those months travelling together, the doctor & yaz grow closer. yaz is growing as a person with every day that passes, and the doctor loves to watch that. she teaches her to fly the tardis and takes her on amazing adventures, giving her just enough to make her stay, but not enough to form the emotional attachment that she knows yaz is desperate for. it dawns on her while making the hologram just how much she’d miss yaz if she were to lose her, and even the thought of it happening makes her heart break, even if that’s something she can’t bring herself to say to yaz’s face. she’s so happy to see her safe in “the vanquishers”, even though for her it’s only been a few hours since she saw her last. the thought of never seeing yaz again is so terrifying for her. just like yaz, the doctor’s true feelings also slip out during moments of peril (on atropos; in front of the weeping angels) and in moments when yaz isn’t looking (when yaz is copiloting the tardis; during the fireworks scene). the “i want to tell you everything” scene is when the doctor realises she’s fallen in love with her. there she is, standing in front of her, her beautiful brave yaz, who spent 4 years in a different century and still returned as loyal and as loving as ever. she can’t help but promise her everything. and that single tear on her face as yaz walks away (a direct parallel to the tears on yaz’s face during her coming out scene in the very next episode) is the overwhelming, heartbreaking realisation that she’s gotten attached when she promised herself she wouldn’t. she probably would have carried on like nothing had changed if dan didn’t confront her in eve of the daleks. the look on her face afterwards says it all. just like yaz felt with jack, the doctor is terrified to realise that someone she hardly knows has picked up on the one thing she hasn’t been admitting to herself, the thing she thought she was perfect at hiding. maybe this is just too big to ignore. maybe she really does have to face this. and so she does.

#another VERY long thasmin post i’m sorry #i just can’t help myself #i have a lot to say about them ok?#thasmin #yasmin khan #13th doctor #yasmin khan meta #13th doctor meta #i spent like an hour writing this and then thought i’d accidentally deleted it #i nearly cried honestly

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mionemymind · 3 years ago

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Chapter 9: The Truth

Fake Memories

Series Summary: After Y/n is caught cheating on Wanda with Carol, Y/n would do just about anything to get Wanda back into her life. But was it even Y/n’s fault that she cheated? Or was it the new enemy set on revenge?

Chapter Summary: The after effects of the attack on New York have changed everything for the Avengers, Wanda, and Y/n.

A/n: I have managed to write this all within one day. I’m sorry if there are any mistakes but please let me know your thoughts love :) (Not my GIF)

Warnings: Fighting, Hydra, Blood, Mentions of Death, Anxiety, Curse Words

Word Count: 4.9k

Masterlist

Covered in ash, dirt, and dried-up blood, Steve was a walking disaster as he paced through the hospital waiting room. Well, if you would call it a hospital that is. It’s been less than an hour since the Avengers have controlled the fires in New York but the troubling news of Y/n and Wanda brought them to a halt.

They quickly rushed to the “hospital”, which was just an empty leased building before being revamped into a hospital for this emergency. The walls were made up of light green curtains. You couldn’t even separate the blood-curling screams from down the hall to the one next to you.

“Stop pacing Rogers. You’re making my head hurt,” Tony said as he sat next to his suit. He had managed to borrow one of the hospital’s tablets to see if there were any updates that could remotely be done to the tower. So far, no luck had been made to reboot F.R.I.D.A.Y or power up the building in general. “Don’t tell me what to do,” he bit back.

Before Tony could say anything, Natasha lightly elbowed him in the stomach to keep him hushed. Now was not the time to start fighting especially at a time like this. “Are you any closer to powering up the tower?” She asked. If Natasha was nervous, she sure as hell didn’t show it. While the assassin did have a similar beat-up look like Steve, her composure was almost too relaxed. However, if Steve cared to notice, he could quickly see how big of a lie that was but his mind was only focused on the two youngest Avengers.

On the other side of the building lied Wanda and Y/n. The only thing separating those two was the thin green curtain and the team of tired nurses and doctors that surrounded them. And while the two have been closer before, this was the first time in a while that they both slept peacefully by each other. It didn’t matter the circumstances of how they slept, but rather what they dreamt...and it was of each other.

“What do you think we would have been like if we lived normal lives?” It was a late afternoon on a sunny day in spring. Wanda and Y/n laid down in the grass under a tree that shadowed them from the sun. Today was one of their off days and seeing as the weather was nice, the two felt like it was a perfect time to go to the park.

“Well, we would obviously attend school.” Wanda was lying down on her back with a dandelion in her hand as Y/n laid on her side, using her left hand to support her head. “I can honestly see you as being the popular person or maybe even the President of some type of political club.”

“What makes you say that?” The soft breeze that covered them came once again, which blew the pappis away. The small frown on Wanda’s faced made it hard for Y/n to focus but she still responded, “You just have this powerful aura to you, Wanda. When you talk, people listen. But what you do better is how easy it is for us to believe you. That’s something not a lot of leaders can do.”

“You make it sound like I’ll be the next President of the United States,” Wanda replied jokingly. “I wish.” Wanda pushed Y/n back slightly as she laughed but all Y/n did was smile at the action. “But what about me? What do you think I would be like?”

Putting her finger to her chin, Wanda thought for a moment before saying, “Honestly, without your powers, you are probably a film nerd at heart. Maybe just a nerd in general.”

“Hey! Now you’re just being mean.” Wanda rolled her eyes as she threw away the dandelion stem. She turned her head to face Y/n. There was this adoration in her eyes that quickly made Y/n blush. “Who cares. All I know is if anyone decides to mess with you, they’ll obviously have to go through me.”

“Oh, so you’re telling me the President of the political science club is going to come to my rescue?”

“Duh! I’ll probably yell at them or something. If not, I’m not afraid to get nasty.”

“You’re unbelievable.”

“How’d you let them get away?” Fury said as he walked into the hospital that Y/n was at. The man was not in his finest hour. First, the mass destruction of New York city was blasting on the news. Reporters and anchors are not looking in favor for the heroes regardless of the actions they’ve taken to try and minimize the damage. Many were angry at the mere fact that this happened at all.

“Someone on their team had quickly teleported them to safety,” Carol stated. The girl has been feeling nothing but guilt for the past hour. Although she did save Wanda and Y/n, the state she had found them in only did worse for her thoughts. “Even if I did try to catch up to them, the lack of response from Wanda and Y/n meant something. I probably couldn’t have faced them alone if I tried.”

Before Fury could have walked any further into the building, Carol grabbed him by the arm, forcing him to look at her. “Her ears were bleeding Nick...I think they did something to her head again.”

Wanda woke up with a slight headache, the dream vaguely on her mind. As she started to grasp her surroundings, she only grew more confused. “Where am I?” She thought. The loud beeping beside her combined with screams and loud thoughts overwhelmed Wanda. Feeling the need to get out, she quickly started to remove the various wires on her as the recent events caught up to her. “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to lay back down,” the nurse asked kindly.

“Where’s Y/n?” Wanda almost lost her balance as she stepped off her bed. She used the nurse in front of her to regain her balance, before walking out of her “room”. “Ma’am, I’m not going to ask again, please lay back down or I will have to get security.”

The threat was the last thing on Wanda’s mind. All she could focus on was finding Y/n. Using her powers, she closed her eyes and tried to sense where Y/n was. Considering the girl was right beside her, it didn’t take long for Wanda to find out.

Quickly walking over to the side of her room, Wanda pushed the curtain to the side but the sight in front of her made everything stop. There was Y/n, battered and bruised. There was drywall dust on her face along with dried-up blood. “Y/n,” Wanda whispered in disbelief. Much to Wanda’s dismay, Y/n didn’t respond. She remained unresponsive on the bed.

Reaching out to try and hold her hand, Wanda was pulled back by the same nurse. “Ma’am, please let the doctors and nurses do their jobs while you go back to your bed.” Wanda shrugged off her hand, her eyes glowing red as she said, “Don’t.”

Wanting to be by Y/n’s side, Wanda tried to walk towards her again but Steve’s voice made her stop. “Wanda.” Turning back around, Wanda first noticed just how beat up Steve was. His helmet was off which made Steve oddly look like a raccoon. If times were different, maybe Wanda would have laughed. Instead, she stormed out of the room, feeling more overwhelmed.

“I’m sorry about her ma’am,” Steve said with a courteous nod.

Wanda sat on the ledge of the roof. The slight breeze of the night was coursing past her as she mindlessly fiddled with her fingers, a nervous habit she developed after her parents’ death. It was during a harsher breeze that Wanda touched her forehead where the slight open injury was at. She had left the floor just moments ago and somehow her feet led her here. Although she knew that she needed someone to look at the injuries she sustained, her mind was focused elsewhere. It was plagued with thoughts about the girl that was still entrapped in a room full of doctors that had no clue how to treat her. Wanda knew it was wrong of her to read their minds, but she hoped that at least one of them at least knew where to start. Panic and anxiety filled the redhead’s body the more she realized that no one knew how to help Y/n. Soon, the room felt as if it was enclosing on her. Before Steve realized she was about to break down, she left to sort out her thoughts and emotions.

Wanda had been so deep in thought that she hadn’t noticed Carol leaning against the entrance of the roof. The blonde was only a couple of feet away from Wanda wearing black sweatpants and a shirt. The girl was wrapping up a mission when she saw the text from Y/n. Carol didn’t know whether the drop in her heart was from the fake feelings Memory Man had created or whether she genuinely cared about the girl’s wellbeing. It didn’t matter though. What mattered was Y/n’s safety.

Carol leaned up against the ledge while surveying the view. They were a foot away from each other but it didn’t take a mind reader to know that both girls were thinking about Y/n. Ironically enough, they each had their separate thoughts about how they failed to protect Y/n. For Wanda, she felt as if she was the sole reason that Y/n got hurt. If she had only conquered her abilities more, Y/n wouldn’t have had to sacrifice herself again just to protect her. Not only that, but Wanda felt beyond frustrated with herself for being so frozen and paralyzed as the enemy hurt Y/n right in front of her eyes. There was nothing holding her back besides herself and that was something that will haunt her for a while. For Carol, she felt that if she were just a bit faster and maybe not a galaxy away, she would have reached them in time to help.

After a couple of minutes of silence, Wanda sidely glanced at Carol. The first thing she noticed was her attire. It didn’t take long for the dots to connect before she realized that it was Y/n’s clothes Carol was wearing. Wanda bit her tongue at the ounce of jealousy and resentment that decided to rise within her. This was no time to start arguments especially with the person that helped Y/n just in the nick of time. So Wanda had opted for a different but just as difficult route. “Thank you.”

Carol heard but decided to remain silent. Clearing her throat, Wanda continued, “I’m not sure what would have happened if you hadn’t found us.” Finally, the two made eye contact as Carol glanced at Wanda. “I’m only here for Y/n,” Carol deadpanned. Wanda choked at her words but still had a serious composure. They both looked back at the city but there was a more tense feeling in the air. Carol hadn’t cared if the words had hurt Wanda. What she cared for was Y/n. But the looming question in the back of her head was always if this was a genuine feeling or if it was forced. However, the way her heart overwhelmingly felt angered at the person beside her, she knew that at this time, the feeling was genuine.

Subconsciously, Wanda felt the emotions that leaked out of the blonde. She didn't need to go in her mind to realize that. It felt like Carol’s guard was down leading her aura to be seen. It had covered the area surrounding the two in such a suffocating manner that Wanda felt like she couldn’t breathe. The two most compelling emotions were the anger she held for her and the love she had for Y/n. As she cracked her knuckles, Carol muttered, “It is quite ridiculous the things Y/n continuously goes through for a team that can barely return the favor.”

“You don’t get to-”

“Now listen here. I don’t quite care much for your team. Frankly, y’all don’t deserve Y/n.” The two faced each other with such intensity that one wrong move could cause a fight with two of the galaxy’s most powerful superheroes. “But if I’m being honest, you don’t deserve Y/n.” Wanda’s fists clenched at Carol’s words. It took everything out of the redhead to not fling Carol out of New York, because how dare she accuse her of such atrocities.

“If I were you, I would stop where you’re at,” Wanda said threateningly. The spiral scarlet glow in her eyes only made Carol chuckle. “You know you’re not the only one with powers.” Carol’s fist glowed with the same intensity as Wanda’s eyes. But the threats were pointless as the two had stopped at the same time.

“You don’t see it but you should feel lucky Wanda.” Cocking her eyebrow, Wanda responded with, “And why is that?” The redhead remained in a defensive stance as she crossed her arms. Carol walked closer to her and placed her hand on Wanda’s shoulder. Wanda was still tense but it slightly faltered when she saw how serious Carol was. “There’s a girl out there that loves you even when her mind and heart tell her otherwise.” And with that, Carol left Wanda to herself.

The burning feeling in his legs shouldn’t have felt familiar but it did. It reminded him of the body that he held through New York’s streets. It reminded him of the blood all over his hands and clothes. It reminded him of that fateful night that he failed.

And as he stormed into the hospital with nobody in his hands, something in the way that the team looked made his blood drain. Before Bucky could ask about Y/n’s whereabouts, Beth had walked in. Seeing her familiar face caused Bucky to be slightly relaxed but still anxious about what she could possibly say.

“I have an update on Y/n’s health.” Carol had walked into the room and her attention immediately landed on Beth. “Tell us, Beth,” Fury said.

“As of right now, she will be fine. The doctors have her hooked up to a solution that is allowing her regeneration abilities to work. But-,” before Beth could finish her update, Tony had stood up and loudly commented, “- Great, now that we know Ms. Hydra is okay, can we get back to the real issue at hand?”

As Carol was about to advance to Tony, it was Beth’s words that made the room quiet. “Of course it would be the self-righteous billionaire that would talk shit.” Tony’s head snapped towards Beth. “Excuse me?!”

Beth glared back at Tony, not daring to back down. Her arms were crossed as she continued, “Don’t act like you can’t hear me, or is your ego too far high for you to actually listen?”

Walking towards Beth, Tony said, “Listen here you son of a-” Before Tony could get any closer to Beth, Bucky had used his arm to stop him. “I wouldn’t if I were you.” Tony forcefully removed Bucky’s hand from his chest. He stepped away from Beth, not wanting to deal with what he thinks of as just some pathetic nurse.

“You know what the real issue is Tony - actually - all of you. It’s the fact that you seriously think of Y/n to be this villain.” Beth had let out a dark chuckle at the irony of the situation. “Or have you forgotten the shit you’ve ALL done? Let’s name them, shall we?”

“Beth-” Beth glared at Bucky. She didn’t care if this wasn’t the time nor the place for this conversation, because God was she so tired of them. “Tony, remember all the weapons that you’ve created for mass destruction and have yet to actually own up to the consequences of them?”

“I would stop there if I were you before-”

“Before what?!” Beth said as she threw her hands up. “Before you sue me?! Before you attack me?! Oh - that’s it, isn’t it? What are you gonna do? Kill me? Like how you did with Y/n?!” The room grew more silent as everyone besides Bucky and Beth digested her words. “It’s honestly sad how a bunch of adults has managed to push a KID to take their life away. All for what?! Because you thought she cheated on Wanda! News fucking flash - she didn’t even fucking cheat.”

“What?” Steve said. The shock of Beth’s words was still affecting him. “It was Memory Man. He had put fake memories in Y/n’s and mine’s heads. That was the whole reason we kissed - wait - did you not know about this?” The team was frozen while Carol and Fury impatiently waited for answers.

Not caring to wait for their pathetic excuses, Beth said, “It’s not like it matters what they have to say. They don’t even care for Y/n but for those that actually do. Right now we have no clue what her mind is going to be like. Memory Man has already given her enough damages before and considering we don’t know the full extent of his powers, we can only wait till she wakes up to see if she will actually be okay. Now if you don’t mind, I have a patient to take care of.”

Before Beth could leave, Bucky grabbed onto her arm. He gave her a look but Beth wasn’t having any of it. Ripping her arm from his grip, she stated, “Don’t Bucky. You know how much your family has hurt her. So don’t just stand there and act like they’re saints especially since you know how much Y/n needed you.”

It’s been a couple of days since the attack in New York and Y/n has since woken up. She has barely spoken to Beth, Bucky, Carol, or Fury. Although Estell’s presence would have been welcomed, Beth has yet to tell the girl the news of Estell’s death. Unfortunately, during the attack, she was shot and killed on sight by Hydra. The only reason Beth knew was from the long list of deaths she read on TV.

“We need to transport Y/n to a different location,” Fury said in a small meeting that consisted of only Bucky and Carol. “I agree. Since Hydra has managed to infiltrate the tower once, who knows when they’ll do it again.”

“That’s why a different country will do her better than here.” Fury sighed at the decision that was laid upon them. New locations will always be hard to adjust to but that wasn’t all of it. “Wanda will remain as Y/n’s guard.”

Abruptly standing from her chair, the loud screeched filled the room. “Are you serious?!” Fury’s expression didn’t change as Carol only grew with rage. “She could hardly take care of herself during the attack. What makes you think she could possibly take care of Y/n?”

“The girl was simply outnumbered. We all were.” Moving to get the file that was beside him, he slid it on the table. Bucky grabbed it and had started to silently read it. “But I need the both of you on the front lines. After what Beth has said, I need you two to make sure that the team is actually doing their job. They were supposed to have found out about Hydra’s plans before the attack, now I’m starting to think they didn’t even try.”

Carol was still angry at Fury’s decision to which he sighed. “You will know of Y/n’s location at all times. I will let her have a remote that when activated should send you a signal. Since you’re back on Earth, you’ll get to her in seconds.” Carol sat back down in her seat. Although she was still mad at Fury’s decision, she felt better knowing that Y/n could signal her for help.

“Now, I need you to say your goodbyes for now. Y/n leaves in an hour.”

Wanda stood in the foyer of the hanger as various agents loaded up the quinjet with materials that she and Y/n would need for the time they were gone. She was informed of the last-minute decision just moments ago by Fury himself.

“Please take care of her.”

The words echoed in her head as it had been the only time she’s seen Fury actually care deeply for somebody else. Before she could ponder more about it, Beth had interrupted Wanda’s thoughts. “Wanda?”

Turning around to the source of the sound, Wanda stood in front of a young blonde woman with intense eyes. “I’m Beth,” she said as she held out her hand. Wanda reluctantly shook it, not quite sure as to who this lady actually was. “I’m Y/n’s friend.”

“Great, another pretty girl I have to worry about,” Wanda thought. “Well, I’m also her nurse but I think she would consider me her friend as well.” Wanda stood awkwardly not really knowing how to respond.

Using this opportunity, Beth handed Wanda a bag full of medicine and vitamins. “I know this will be a lot to ask of you but could you please take care of Y/n?” There was no doubt in Wanda’s mind that this girl in front of her meant well. The nurturing feeling in her aura surrounded Wanda.

“That girl has been through a lot and I would know.” Confused by the intensity of her words, Wanda couldn’t help but ask, “How do you know this?”

“I’ve been her nurse for a while now.” This news only confused Wanda even more. “Was she injured before the attack?”

“What is it with you guys and not knowing a single thing about Y/n?” Beth thought. She started to get irritated at the thought of another Avenger hurting Y/n. She could only hope Wanda was different from the rest. However, Wanda heard Beth’s thoughts and said, “What do you know that I don’t?”

Beth scoffed at the question and replied, “The truth.” The simplicity of her answer made Wanda internally roll her eyes. Whether she admitted it or not, she had started to feel territorial over the fact somebody else knew Y/n better than her.

“Wanda let’s go!” Fury yelled from afar. The two looked over and saw Y/n hug Carol, Fury, and Bucky goodbye. Oddly enough, she looked emotionless when she did it. “Just please don’t fuck up again.” Wanda didn’t answer respond back to Beth because if she did, something bitchy would have probably left her mouth. Instead, she walked over and into the quinjet. She buckled into the seat closest to Y/n but the girl didn’t give any attention to Wanda. She remained silent and focused on her hands for the whole ride while Wanda thought more and more about what Beth meant.

“Now that we’re all here let’s get started.” Fury turned on the projector and the first image the was on the screen was New York on fire during the attack. “So far, we’ve received word that there have been 125 casualties and approximately around 500 critical injuries suffered from the attack.” Click.

“However, we face a bigger number when it comes to those that are currently missing. Estimating from 600 - 1000 people are found to be missing. And since we have efficiently cleared the rumble from the damages, our sources have found out how they’ve gone missing.” Click.

Footage of the event was playing but in the location of the subways. One by one, explosions could be seen in various parts of different train passages. It didn’t take long for Hydra soldiers to infiltrate the train systems but all camera footage cut to black. “Hydra has effectively taken hostages of those that were on the train during that night. They have used bombs to blast any chance of us going after them in these tunnels.”

“Is there a way to locate the subways?” Steve asked. “Since New York hardly invests in their transportation department, they are unable to track any of their subways. More than likely, Hydra has already disposed of them in case they were to be tracked.” Click.

“What we need is to figure out where these people have gone. This many hostages taken is something we cannot allow. And considering we have hardly been able to figure out their plans before the attack, I can only assume the worse when it comes to this.” Fury turned the projector off and continued his speech.

“Bucky and Carol will be removed from their current missions to assist the team with this situation. There will be absolutely no complaints about this. Any signs of lack of cooperation, I will gladly remove you and ban you from missions indefinitely.” Fury looked around the team once more and felt disgusted at the people he has to work with. Giving them no time to reply, he left the room not being able to stand the sight of them anymore.

Since they were dismissed, part of the team left in a hurry until it was down to three people. Tony was about to leave when Steve said, “Are you going to apologize to Y/n?” The question was genuine and serious because ever since that night, Steve had been unable to sleep. All he wished he could do was apologize to Y/n but the girl refused to see him. Unfortunately, he understood why.

“Why should I? It doesn’t change anything.” Steve stood up and slammed the table with his hand. “We killed her Tony.” Tony walked in front of Steve. “I didn’t do anything,” he sneered.

“Steve. Tony. We need to calm down,” Natasha said as she watched the two go at it. “Don’t act so mighty Natasha. I heard you bullied the girl too.” This comment caused Natasha’s jaw to harden. “Aww, did I hit a nerve?” Tony childishly asked. “Oh fuck off Tony. There you go again bringing other people down when you can hardly accept what you’ve done. YOU took away Y/n’s funds. She couldn’t even afford anything.”

“But you watched me do it, Rogers. You could have done something too yet you let it happen. So don’t patronize me. Nothing of what she said changes anything.” Tony quickly left the room as he felt himself explode in anger. This didn’t even surprise Steve anymore. He was tired of keeping the family together when it was clear now that it was meant to be apart.

“Here we are,” Wanda said as she dropped her bags in the living room. Looking at her surroundings, the flat was a decent size. Two bedrooms, one bathroom, a kitchen, living room, and accommodations on the floor below them.

“So what do you-,” Y/n hadn’t responded to Wanda’s question as she zoomed past her and walked into her room. Softly closing the door shut, Wanda sighed at her reaction. It wasn’t a surprise but Wanda still couldn’t help but feel hurt by it all. “I guess I should start unpacking.”

It’s been a couple of weeks since Y/n and Wanda started to live together in the flat located in the small town of Edinburgh. While Wanda mainly kept the place tidy, Y/n remained in her room all the time unless it was to use the bathroom or to eat. The only time she would even dare to be close to Wanda was during dinner. If it was breakfast or lunch, Y/n would take what Wanda cooked for the day into her room.

But Wanda was stubborn. She always left Y/n little notes of her whereabouts anytime she left for an errand but a small compliment would always be at the end of it. Sometimes she would knock on Y/n’s door and ask if she would want to watch a movie with her. Obviously, Y/n never answered but Wanda continued to ask. Other times, Wanda would think of Y/n’s favorite foods and would cook them for dinner that night. And while Y/n had never said it out loud, the empty plate she left in front of her always made Wanda swell with joy.

However, tonight was going to be different. Usually, the two would sit in silence as Wanda would have the tv playing in the background but Wanda needed to hear Y/n’s voice. Not only that, but she was hoping that the truth would come out as well.

Trying to figure out a way to break the silence, it was oddly Y/n that had done it first. “Why don’t you hate me?” At first, Wanda was shocked that Y/n had actually spoken, but the girl regain her composure and said, “Why would I hate you? You’ve done nothing wrong.”

Y/n was silent for a moment until she said, “But I killed your brother.”

Chapter 10

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#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x reader #fake memories

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highwaytothedangerzone502 · 2 years ago

Text

India Lima Yankee - Chapter 26

Pairing: Rooster x Female OC

Word Count: 2841

Warnings: Mention of death, angst

Summary: Juliette Kazansky discovers Maverick is back in town for a special training detachment, but she's more than a little blindsided when Rooster arrives too. Having not spoken to him for almost ten years after their less than amicable break-up, Juliette can only imagine how the next few weeks are going to play out when she remains head over heels in love with him while he wants nothing to do with Juliette other than to forget her.

Or so she thinks.

Notes: Chapters in italics are flashbacks.

Chapter Songs: Wherever You Will Go As Long As You Love Me

Chapters: Chp 1 Chp 2 Chp 3 Chp 4 Chp 5 Chp 6 Chp 7 Chp 8 Chp 9 Chp 10 Chp 11 Chp 12 Chp 13 Chp 14 Chp 15 Chp 16 Chp 17 Chp 18 Chp 19 Chp 20 Chp 21 Chp 22 Chp 23 Chp 24 Chp 25 Chp 26

Rooster

He'd only been in the bathroom for a few minutes, carefully removing his service uniform and switching into sweats, a tee, and his ever-present Hawaiian shirt. He never would've guessed that in the short span of time he'd separated himself from Juliette, she would discover the piece of her he'd never let go of.

Rooster exited the bathroom, his Navy blues draped neatly over his arm, when he saw Juliette on the floor, leaning against his bed and staring at an all too familiar locket. He felt the color drain out of his face. He'd planned on telling her, on giving it to her when the moment was right, but that notion flew out the window faster than Mach 10 at the sight before him.

Abort! Abort! Abort! Rooster's head yelled at him to turn around and return to his bathroom like he hadn't seen anything, had forgotten something, but he'd already been standing there too long for him not to have recognized what she held.

Hesitantly, Rooster approached Juliette, setting his uniform on the bed and sinking to the ground beside her. He tried to think of what to say, where to begin on why he still had this sentimental necklace of hers, but any and all words caught in his throat. It was one thing for her to know he still loved her after all this time, but for Juliette to find the necklace in his possession, the one that had been there since day one of their relationship, was another. It signified both the beginning and the end of their love, a love that had never died, only been buried.

Rooster watched her slowly slip her nail between the edges of the locket and flick it open. The two pictures inside, a little worn from age but clearly visible, still remained. Her thumb trailed over the photo of her dad and Maverick, then over the one of her and Bradley, before she clicked it shut and turned it over. Juliette stared at the engraving on the back for what felt like an hour before finally looking up at him, perplexity clear on her face. "You still have this?"

He dropped his gaze from hers, keeping his eyes trained on the locket. "Yeah. I planned on giving it to you yesterday, but everything happened, and I figured I'd wait for a different time."

"Why do you still have it, though? It's been almost ten years."

"I didn't know I had it for about three of those."

Juliette tilted her head. "I sent it a week after you left. How could you not have known?"

"Just because you sent it doesn't mean I opened it," Rooster said, continuing to keep his eyes anywhere but on her. "When I got the box of my belongings, I was still pretty upset over what happened between us, and I couldn't bring myself to open it before my deployment, so I didn't. When I came back, I don't know... I still didn't want to open it. I didn't want to open the box that contained a part of my life I'd thrown away over the one and only nasty argument we ever had."

"And the next two years it stayed closed?"

"Same reason. It only got opened when an ex-girlfriend found it stashed away in my closet while we were doing some spring cleaning. Needless to say, she wasn't too happy I'd held onto it for so long, nor did she like seeing the necklace and got mad at me for never getting her something so sentimental. We didn't last long after that." Rooster reached over and stroked Lightning on the head, who had come to lay beside him. The dog provided a welcome distraction from the mortification the aviator felt trying to explain what he was. "I wanted to send it back to you, but I figured you wouldn't want anything to do with me or it since you'd sent it back along with every other gift I'd given you and the pictures of us. I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it either. To be honest, I couldn't bring myself to get rid of any of it. It's all in storage. You know I have trouble letting go of things, the good and the bad. And you... you were the best."

God, Bradley just needed her to stop staring at him, to have the weight of her gaze lifted off him because the guilt burdening him at the moment was bad enough. Naturally, Juliette didn't. She'd never been one to back down when she had questions, and right now, she probably had a million of them.

"You told me you weren't coming back," she pointed out, causing the heart-wrenching memory to resurface in Bradley's mind. He vividly remembered sending that text to her with shaking hands. He hadn't meant it, but his rage had gotten the better of him, along with his fear. "But yet, you've made it clear that you wanted to, that you thought about it. You've held onto this-" Juliette held up the locket- "onto us, all this time. You're not telling me something, Bradley. I know you're not. What held you back? It wasn't your hurt ego and pride."

"I got scared," he confessed, finally forcing himself to lock eyes with her. "About a week before our fight, an acquaintance of mine died in a training accident. His plane had a mechanical malfunction, and he went down. I didn't see it, but I saw his wife after she'd been told the news and the look on her face... I can't describe the despair. I never told you about that death because I knew you were upset about me leaving, as much as you supported me being in the Navy. I didn't want to add to your worry, so I kept quiet about it. Fast-forward to after our fight, when I calmed down, all I could see was the look on your face when I left, and it killed me because it was so dangerously close to what that wife wore, and that was just because of me walking out. If I died while being with you... the idea of putting you through that made me panic. I'd rather you hate me than ever put you through that kind of misery. I realize now that wasn't my call to make. You wouldn't have stayed with me if you didn't want to deal with that possibility, but seeing that woman after her husband died and seeing what my dad's death did to Mom, I just... I panicked, Jules."

"Did you really think I could ever hate you?" Juliette inquired softly.

"After what happened? Yeah. And then you showed at my Top Gun graduation, and I could barely tear my eyes from you, but you... you wouldn't even look at me."

Juliette shook her head. "It's not because I hated you. It's because I felt guilty. I still blamed myself for what happened between us, and I knew you could've had that Top Gun trophy a lot sooner had Maverick and I not held you back."

"You didn't hold me back, Jules, and I am so sorry for ever making you think that you did," Rooster said, brushing a piece of hair out of her face. "I'm sorry for leaving you and for staying away, and I'm sorry for making you feel the way I did all this time. God knows I loved you back then and that I still love you."

"Rooster-"

"The locket is yours to keep if you want it. It will always be yours and no one else's. If you don't want it, you can get rid of it. Or I can if you don't want the trouble."

"Bradley-"

"If you don't want me to stay the night after all this, I get it," he continued, standing up to place some distance between himself and Juliette before she most likely broke what was left of his heart. Why would she want the necklace? Why would she still love him in the way he wanted her to? Sure, they'd fallen into their old habits of confiding in each other, of supporting one another when things got tough, of showing those little acts of genuine affection, and yes, they'd kissed more than once and shared flirty remarks, but who was to say Juliette wanted a relationship after the way he ended things with her last time? Just because she still loved him didn't mean she wanted to be with him again. "I can reach out to Maverick, have him give you a ride home."

Juliette stood up. "Bradley, would you please-"

A knock on his door interrupted both of them. He swiftly moved to open it, anything to have a change in conversation, willing to talk to anyone, even Hangman. Still, thankfully, it wasn't his rival at the door but Phoenix and Bob.

"Hey," Phoenix said, leaning against the doorframe. "The others and I are watching a movie in the break room. Thought you'd like to join."

Bradley's brain short-circuited for an answer. Part of him wanted to say he couldn't because he was driving Juliette home, but would she even still want him to after their conversation? Would she want to be around him at all?

"Hey, Juliette," Phoenix said, her gaze shifting to behind Rooster. "I know you're probably exhausted from today, but you're welcome to join too."

"I'm surprised you two aren't exhausted as well," Jules replied, coming to stand beside Bradley. He glanced down at her, attempting to act as naturally as he could to avoid Phoenix and Bob figuring out the two of them had been having an awkward conversation. "I meant to ask you earlier, and I'm so sorry for just now asking this, but are you two doing okay? No injuries from yesterday?"

"Yeah, we're fine. And don't apologize for not asking," Phoenix assured, smiling appreciatively. "You've had a hell of a past twenty-four hours."

"Are y'all coming?" Hangman shouted from down the hallway.

Phoenix rolled her eyes. "Hold your horses, Bagman! We'll be there in a sec!" She turned to Jules and Rooster. "You two joining?"

"I'll, uh, I'll leave that up to Juliette," Bradley said, rubbing the back of his neck while glancing down at his ex. He wanted to give her an escape if she wanted one.

Jules smiled up at him, resting her hand on his bicep. "Yeah, we'll join. Just give us a few minutes, would you?"

"Cool. We'll see you there." Phoenix and Bob departed, and Rooster shut the door, trying to ignore the electric surges traveling up and down his arm from Juliette's touch. God, he wished they could've left with his friends so he wouldn't have to hear the inevitable denial of his wishes, even if he did deserve them.

"If you want to change out of your clothes," Rooster began, slipping out of her grasp and hoping the sudden change of topic would make her ignore what they'd previously been discussing, "I can go find some spares for you, or you can wear some of my clothes. They might be a little big on you, but-"

"Bradley, stop. I know what you're doing," Juliette interrupted, closing the distance he'd placed between them. "Don't deflect."

"I'm not- I don't-" Rooster ran a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath. "Today was about your dad, and you should be grieving him, not dealing with my bullshit."

"Yeah, well, it's not just your bullshit. It's mine, too, because we both had a part in our falling out. I'd rather figure us out than have to think about earlier because I have all the time in the world to grieve my dad because we both know the grief never leaves, no matter how much time passes. You get used to it, but that's it. With you, I don't know how much time I have left because you're probably going on a death mission, and I don't want to be questioning what was between us if I lose you. So talk to me, Bradley. Tell me what you want."

"I want to be with you again, Juliette," Rooster said quietly, swallowing the hope she might want the same thing he did. He couldn't allow himself to have his dreams broken like that, not again. Besides, the frustration in her voice more than gave him his answer, but he still needed to hear her say it to be sure. "But I understand if you don't want the same thing."

Her sapphire eyes pierced his as if searching for some unspoken words he was holding back from her like the last few times they'd verged into this territory, but Bradley had bared the rest of his soul to her tonight, and if she chose not to try again, he would respect her wishes. He would rather have Jules in his life as a friend than not at all.

Rooster watched as she reached down and grabbed hold of his hand. Lifting it, Juliette placed the locket in his open palm, and Rooster's shoulders sagged. He'd been right, and God, crashing into the ground in a ball of fire would've been less agonizing than this.

Juliette turned around, but rather than walking away, she lifted her wavy blonde hair up, revealing her neck to him. It took a moment for Rooster's brain to register what she was silently asking him to do, but the second it did, he swiftly draped the locket around her neck before the opportunity disappeared.

"Everything that's happened is water under the bridge, okay?" Juliette said, facing him, the locket resting snugly on her chest where it always belonged. "Neither of us will hold what we did against each other. It'll be a clean slate for both of us and-"

Rooster couldn't contain himself anymore. He cupped her face and crashed his lips onto hers. All the other kisses they'd shared, he'd held back in fear of revealing too much about his feelings, even the one from yesterday, but Bradley couldn't help it now. He poured all the love and longing and lost time into this kiss. Juliette returned it with a voraciousness of her own, snaking her arms around his neck and pressing her body into his, closing any remaining distance between them that she could. He wrapped one arm around her waist and used his free hand to weave his fingers in her hair and keep her head firmly where it was. Rooster wanted nothing more than to lose himself in Juliette like he used to because she had this ability, whether she knew it or not, to make all his worries disappear just by pressing her lips to his. Bradley wanted to lay her on the bed and reacquaint himself with her body and the softness of its curves, to leave his mark on her on places only she could see.

He just might've had Hangman not banged loudly on the door and shouted, "You two coming or not?"

"I'm gonna kill him," Rooster murmured against Juliette's lips.

"Hang on!" Juliette yelled, bracing her forehead against Bradley's. Then, lowering her voice, she added, "We did say we'd go."

"I hate that we agreed to it, but if we don't, we'll never hear the end of it."

"Can I take you up on wearing some of your clothes? I'd really like to get out of this dress."

"You know I always loved seeing you in my clothes." Rooster kissed her once more, then tore himself away from her and opened his dresser. He pulled out some attire he thought would be the best fit. Juliette took them from him and slipped into the bathroom to change. Within thirty seconds, she returned. Rooster smiled at the sight of her in the oversized tee, and the too-large sweatpants rolled up so she wouldn't trip on them, the drawstrings pulled as tight as they could go to keep them up.

They headed towards his door, but before his hand touched the handle, she stopped him and said, "Hey, I know you probably won't like this, but let's keep us a secret until the mission's over. If you go on it, I don't want the others thinking I convinced Maverick to send you out of favoritism. I mean, Phoenix, Bob, and Hangman can know because I'm pretty sure they all suspect it anyway, but not the others. People tend to act weird when coworkers date."

"We can just tell them we're old acquaintances for now," Rooster teased, slipping his arm around her waist.

Juliette laughed. "You're never going to let me live that one down, are you?"

"No. Also, before we go-" Rooster bent down and kissed just below her left ear, a place he knew was one of her weak points. It elicited a small noise of pleasure from her. Grinning, he whispered, "India-" he kissed the spot below her right ear- "Lima-" he kissed her lips- "Yankee."

***

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sukunasdirtylaugh · 3 years ago

Text

3 Pink Roses Mean, "I Love You"

- Nanami Kento (ch 4)

synopsis: The weekend is just about to commence. Just not in the ways you'd expect.

series masterlist

Nanami checked his phone more often than he should have. He double checked, wondering if perhaps his ringer wasn’t on. Or perhaps you were busy. And that messages from you were not something to expect.

Daily

“Geez- what’s with that look on your face?” Quipped Gojo, walking around Nanami’s desk, “You look like you’re waiting for something. What happened? Did your girlfriend stop messaging you?”

“I suggest you use your time in a more productive manner,” spoke Nanami, sternly as he wrote down some reports with a pen. He pointed at Gojo, “This will not get you anywhere. So I suggest you stop.”

“Aw come on, can’t you spare a good ol' minute to talk to a fellow co-worker?” he batted his eyelashes, “Last I heard, you haven’t taken a break yet.”

“And?”

“It’s my break.” replied Gojo, “And you should have one too.”

“Who told you I didn’t take a break yet?” Nanami changed the current of the topic, slightly irritated, “Was it your secretary, Satoru? The one with the red lipstick?”

“Hey-” Gojo says in defense, “Red lipstick happens to be attractive. Man, who kicked your bucket today? You’re pretty impatient today. Was it the sales report from-”

“-I’d appreciate it if you could leave my office. Thanks.”

Indifferently and accustomed to his behavior, Gojo casually shrugs. “Alright. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, but me and a friend are going to a restaurant. Don’t say I didn’t invite you…”

For a majority of his shift, Nanami began to dread his work. And what bothered him most was that he was involving work with his personal life. And you were part of that reason.

He was slightly understanding, yet confused as to why you had not messaged him. Did you not get the card?

Nanami’s phone held no new notifications indicating that you had made a big purchase. Or maybe, he thought, you wouldn’t accept it.

By the time 9pm struck, Nanami was already in his apartment. Discarding his shoes as he got at the front of the door. His eyes scanned for her.

He saw her eating a bowl of cereal, leaning against the island as he noticed the platinum card stand on the counter. Almost untouched.

“Hey.”

“Hi.” he watched her carefully, unsure if he should bring up anything, “You’re back,”

“I am. I hope my presence doesn’t disturb your studies.”

“Oh, not at all,” she says as she places her bowl on the sink, “I already finished my work hours ago. Free for the weekend as you said.” She faced the clock before Nanami, “You’ve worked for 12 hours today.”

“I did.”

“Is that usual?”

“At times,” he confesses, “I normally work from 8-10 hours, but since today Friday, I wanted to finish everything before Monday.”

“That’s good,” Nanami can notice her stare, guilt sweeps his stomach, feeling as if he had missed a deadline. Or anniversary. Which, there wasn't.

“Would you like to dine?” he asked, “At a restaurant? I know a good place downtown...” He paused when he saw her shake her head.

“I’m surprised you’re thinking about that,” he watched her take two steps forward, “I was actually thinking the opposite. That we could order something and stay indoors for the night. You just worked 12 hours and you don’t want to rest?”

“I’ll be fine. I believe it’s you who should go out. I feel like you’ve barely left the house at all. With it being your Final's week.” he signaled to her card.

“And I noticed you didn’t use the card.”

“I didn’t need it.” she shook her head, arms hugging her sides, “You’re already covering so much for me, I don’t think I can use it.”

“I wasn’t asking you to use it,” Nanami was cautious with his tone, “I wanted you to keep it in case of an emergency. I’ll feel more at ease knowing you have it. Regardless if you use it or not.” he paused, searching for a compromise, “I can get you another card, separately. One where you can purchase personal needs, but for now, use that one.”

“Okay,” She answered after a long silence, “I’ll use it, but I don’t want you thinking- feeling… like I’m using this out of interest. It feels wrong.”

“Providing the bare minimum?” He shook his head, “This is only fair. You are living in my house, spending your time here while I work.” He watched her eyebrows soften, “Anyways, I won’t discuss this subject any further. We can order take out.” he decided, “It’s cold tonight, so how do you feel about Pho?”

+++++++++++

A phone call, shower, and a generous tip from Nanami to the delivery man later, he had brought the bags to the dining table. While he had showered and ordered on the phone, you made sure to tidy up your room and place some warm socks on. The weather forecast predicted a 65% chance of rain, and you weren’t taking any risks. It was cold as it was.

“So what are we doing this weekend?” You poke at your noodles, careful not to pry. The steaming bowl of Pho fogs your glasses, shortly before you move away.

To your left, sitting on the chair closest to the door, Nanami has caught noodles with his chopsticks, lowering his hand, “I was thinking of heading somewhere quiet.” He says, “We should wake up early tomorrow so that we make it in time. Don’t worry, I’ll wake you up.” he says, resuming his dining.

You hum. Feeling like his answer was too vague. You point to the container of food beside you, changing the subject, “Hmm. Well this spring roll looks really good,” picking up the roll, you dip it into the designated sauce before taking a bite. Nanami watches you with an unreadable emotion.

“They are,” He motions with his chopsticks, “Those are the best spring rolls in all of San Francisco. Mrs. Nguyen, the owner, always makes them. I’m glad to see you’re fond of the sauce as well.”

You nod, politely covering your hand over your mouth as you finish masticating.

In simplistic silence, far from uncomfortable, the two of you finish your meals. When he stands up to clean his remains, you stand to clean yours as well; the two of you take care of your own personal dishes. “We should get to bed soon,” you say, glancing over at the clock.

Nanami nods, “You’re right. If it weren’t for us having to wake up early tomorrow, then I probably would have suggested watching a movie, but goodnight to you. I’ll see you in the morning.” With properness, Nanami bids you a goodnight, and a part of you feels like his manners are as clear as glass. There was never a moment, from the times you had interacted with him, where he did not act uncomposed. Shifting into your own bed, you call it a night. Embracing the warmth of your covers.

++++++++++++

It’s somewhere around 5am when Nanami knocks at your door. When you’re up, he tells you to wear comfortable clothes. And with that being said, you put on some sweats, a random college sweater, and crocs. Your nearly typical Gen-Z outfit.

“Is this, okay?” you ask, signaling to yourself. You have to hold yourself from dropping your jaw, Nanami is dressed in a v-neck thermal sweater, a coat, a scarf, and blue navy jeans.

“You’re fine.” he says, “As long as you're comfortable. We’ll be in our seats for a few hours.”

“Oh,” your face softens, “So we’re going on a road trip?”

The corner of Nanami’s lip tugs upwards, a fraction of a smile. “Well, something like that.”

++++++++++++++++

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE’RE GOING ON A PRIVATE JET?” You try containing your shock from the pilot, turning to Nanami. He waves his hand dismissively so that he can talk to you.

“It’s actually a Beechcraft King Air 350-” you cut him off, explaining that a private jet is a private jet.

“How did you even get the money for this?”

“I didn’t,” he answers, “My company actually provides it for me. So I can use it as long as I let the crew know.” Speechless, he places a reassuring hand on your back, “Come,” he warmly says, “We should get going if we want to make it out in time,”

You’re still starstruck when Nanami helps you up the plane. Inside, everything about the leather seats to the polished tables scream rich money. You sat on the seat across from him.

“So where is it that we’re going? It better not be Antartica because I’m not visiting the Penguins wearing crocs,”

He chuckles at your comment. His tone immediately shuts you up as he reaches for your sides, putting your seatbelt on. Nanami slightly tugs on the belt to make sure it’s resistant.

“Attention passengers,” the voice of the pilot makes your head shoot to the direction of the voice, “We will be taking off shortly. Destination: Boston, Massachusetts!”

You sink into your seat, disbelief in your eyes. When you turn to Nanami, he’s already seated across from you. You frown, crossing your arms.

“You find this funny, don’t you?”

He immediately picks up a nearby magazine, covering what you could guess was an amused look.

“Not at all. In fact, I think the one who will be amused will be the Pilot.” he says, “Try not to scream, okay?”

You rose an eyebrow, “Why would I screa-?” Jerking you with sudden force, the plane starts increasing speed. Clawing to your armrests, you lay your head back.

“This thing flies faster than an average plane!” he shouts over the plane’s loud engine, “So I would try to hold on if were you!”

“WHY COULDN’T WE HAVE GONE TO HALF MOON BAY INSTEAD?” you plead, almost reconsidering all of your life choices. Pressure eeks at your ears and as soon as you’re in the air, the tension decrease.

“See?” Nanami gives you a knowing look, “It wasn’t that bad, right?”

You huff, taking a magazine from his hands.

“You’re unbelievable.

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