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anika-ann · 4 years ago

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WINSoD - Epilogue

We’re Tied Together (Always and Forever)

Type: series, soulmate AU series (part 1, part 2, part 3)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader Word count: 3750

Summary: In which you reach the end of the line. Is it though? The end?

Warnings: battle with Thanos no.2, blood and violence, character death, religious motives, mention of afterlife, language

A/N: Do you ever look at your fic and are like… you know this was supposed to be a cheesy one-shot, right? Soulmate meet-cute one-shot to be precise. Well. That work out splendidly... Anyway, here – the epilogue! Enjoy! Oh, and prepare tissues :-*

Part 6

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Waking up in a comfy bed was surreal; mostly because you knew that after falling – or half-jumping – from a cliff, this wasn’t what was usually happening. You didn’t have much experience, but you still had some common sense left.

Right?

Why did nothing hurt?

“Hello, Little One,” a voice greeted you, startling you enough to roll over and fall from the bed – only to land back in the cushions, confusing the Hell out of you – or perhaps you should have thought Heaven.

Because this was positively Castiel‘s voice. Castiel as an angel. Angels, as far as you were concerned, belonged to Heaven.

Was it possible that… that- this was--?

“Yes, you’re in Heaven… again,” he hummed nonchalantly as if it was perfectly common to just die twice and he seated himself on the edge of your bed.

“I killed myself,” you blurted out the first thing that came to your mind, instantly slapping your palm over your mouth. It sounded terrible, hearing yourself say it out loud, just throw it out in the open as if it was not a big deal.

Which in fact, it was. Since when suicidal people went to Heaven? You never had been good with the whole faith thing, but this sounded a bit sketchy.

“To save half of the Universe,” Castiel questioned, frowning. “Or would you say your soulmate belonged to hell after had once forced the plane down, expecting to die in exchange of saving millions?”

Silently admitting he had a point, you let the issue alone for the moment. Instead, you blinked, taking his appearance in. He was wearing his typical trench-coat, making him look like an accountant, dorky for a celestial being. He fitted in here though – bright room, white sheets, no windows…

“You’ll get a better room soon, less prison-like,” he explained as if he could hear your thoughts. Which he as well might, because he was an angel, you were in freaking Heaven, again, which what the Hell, if you had been before, how could you not remember that-- and everything was so confusing and… lonely. “But I thought you’d like to see your soulmate first.”

Your heart stopped. Later, you would question why did you still have a fucking heartbeat, or why did it feel like it, but did he just say-

“What the Hell is Steve doing here?!” you shrieked in horror and Castiel sighed, possibly at your swearing, but you didn’t give a fuck. What was Steve-

“He’s not here. But a battle with Thanos occurred and I thought you might like to see.”

You ran your hand down your face tiredly, relieved beyond words. Steve was alive, still on Earth – probably.

Christ. Castiel sure didn’t know how to talk to a girl who had a superhero for husband. Or he in fact did, since he was willing to show you.

It took one single snap of Castiel’s fingers and a scene of horror – fire, ash and blood – unfolded in front of you. There was nothing but smother from the debris where the compound had used to be, the Titan with an enormous space ship probably the one to blame.

And barely three defenders of Earth stood against him and his endless rows of army, thousands of monsters ready to take the half of population one by one, just waiting to be released from the ship.

Where were the others? And… Thanos! They killed him! What-

“How-“

“The Avengers gathered all the Stones. Hulk snapped this time, bringing everyone who had died in the original Snap back. Unfortunately, a spy infiltrated the team and led Thanos from the past to the present,” Castiel explained patiently, but you were anything but patient, suddenly angry as gnawing fear bit into your stomach.

“Then why are you here?! There’s… there’s Tony, Thor and Steve, three people—sorta people – facing a fucking ARMY FROM SPACE!” you yelled at the angel, a being powerful enough to drag your ass from Heaven – which you didn’t care for in the slightest.

How could he just... sit here with you?!

“We cannot interfere-“

“The fuck did you just say?!” you spitted out, rising to your feet. “Aren’t angels supposed to be guardians? You-“ you continued your verbal assault in attempt to get him moving, only to freeze when a blinding lightning hit Thor’s hammers (plural?!) and the infamous trio threw themselves into the battle.

You barely had few seconds to feast your eyes on Steve in one piece; he was glorious, standing straight with his chin up, jaw clenched in determination and all you could think of was how strong he was, carrying on with the mission.

You knew it wasn’t that he didn’t miss you, that he didn’t grieve you; he was simply the bravest person you had ever met, just like you had told him before--- ugh, before you had died.

If you only weren’t so terrified for him.

Where was everyone? If the Snap worked and people had been brought back, where was the whole bunch of warriors from Wakanda? The rest of the Avengers’ crew?

Breathless, your heart pounding in both your ribcage and temples, you watched as Thanos tossed the three figures around, almost as if he was playing with them despite their best efforts.

“Get up, Stevie. God, please, get up, get up, be okay,” you whispered urgently with your throat swollen at one particular blow that had your soulmate landing on his back and lying down with his breath knocked out of his chest, his eyes closed in what could only be agony.

With horror, you saw his body turn almost limp, your nails digging into your palms.

GET. UP. Don’t you dare to stay down and get yourself killed!

He clenched his jaw, glint of something that twisted your insides in genuine fear in his eyes. This wasn’t determination anymore. This was madness. He pushed himself on his feet and you couldn’t quite make yourself to feel relieved despite him fulfilling your earlier silent wish.

Determined Steve was a great Steve. Mad Steve? Mad Steve did crazy-ass decisions that could cost him his life. You had that in common.

Your jaw slowly went slack when your very husband grabbed Thor’s Mjölnir as if it was not a mythical weapon from the legends only Thor could lift and… banged up the Titan as if he had been fighting with it his whole life.

Incredulous chuckle escaped your lips when a flash of lightning connected with the hammer as Steve… charged it, only to aim its power at Thanos.

“I told him he could lift it,” you murmured despite yourself, letting yourself to feel a tinniest bit of hope and pride.

There was only three of them now, but surely the people who had been dusted were on their way. Steve, Thor and Tony just had to keep the Titan occupied-

Then the army stood, exiting the ship in a deadly march, no, in a deadly race and Steve got himself into trouble.

You grinded your teeth, unable to look away, but present enough to be pissed as Hell at Heaven and its angels and let them know.

“Do something! He’s gonna-“

A circle of amber-coloured sparkles appeared on Steve’s left and you could cry, recognizing Strange’s handiwork. The back-up was there. The army. The King of Wakanda with his badass sister. Sam. Bucky. Strange, Peter, the Maximoffs. Carol Danvers flying through the alien spaceship as if it was made of cotton candy. Even Natasha emerged from the debris with Clint and the others, causing you to breathe out in relief.

Now the true fight would start.

You weren’t calm by any means. But you were hopeful. Just glancing at the briefest encounter of Natasha with Sam was sweet enough to bring tears in your eyes.

“Kick their asses,” you whispered encouragingly, swallowing thickly and actually praying.

It was nearly impossible to follow the battle then; too many fronts, too many people, half-people and alien creatures. You saw the gauntlet they were trying to protect, you kept your eye on Steve, finding Thanos and his momentary enemies when you had the capacity to do so.

You honestly couldn’t tell how the fight was going, if it was in your favour or not, there was so much blood and smoke and noise… and then something caught your attention with painful clarity.

Several things happened at once; Carol, literally glued to Thanos, who had somehow got a hold of the gauntlet with all of the stones in it (oh God, oh my God, this couldn’t happen again-), was thrown away as if she was nothing but an annoying fly, Tony registered a part of his armour having been ripped away – his hand-piece – and found it with his gaze at Steve’s feet as Stephen Strange raised one shaky finger towards Tony, who suddenly had an expression of utter defeat on his face.

Your slow, terror-struck mind didn’t do the math when Steve jumped on Thanos’ arm, forcing his fingers away so he couldn’t snap his fingers. Something red and flashy glimmered in the mess of limbs, but you didn’t pay enough attention to make the connection. Peter, Spider-man, managed to web the gauntlet, helping out Steve and you almost breathed out the air suffocating your lungs.

Almost.

Because the next moment, Steve was tossed away like a rag-doll, much like Carol had been.

Like in a slow motion, the infamous effect in movies to add dramatics, you saw the Titan raise his hand with a smug smirk; and you noticed, unlike him, that his gauntlet was, in fact, empty of the Stones. But-

“I am… inevitable,” he exclaimed, a dull mechanic snap following his statement.

Nothing happened, except for the huge and ugly purple head whipping towards his useless weapon in confusion.

And that was when you saw it. The glow of the stones in a red piece of armour, Ironman’s armour, that was no longer worn by its owner.

All of the puzzle pieces fell into place, clicking with a painful clack.

Strange’s gesture. Tony’s expression. Crowley’s words of one future, matching the story of the contemporary Sorcerer Supreme. And the red flash when Steve had been fighting Thanos.

“No,” you whispered breathlessly, remembering with startling clarity what Steve had told you about Thanos – the Titan, stronger than all of the Avengers together – looked like after he finished his mission. He had nearly died.

“NO!” you repeated with more force, horror filling your very being, dimming the world around you, a violent tremble attacking your body at the glint in Steve’s eye.

It was the one that had shaken you so much before. The mad spark.

Do whatever it takes, consequences be damned.

His raspy voice broke your heart in two, tearing your soul when you realized the implication of his words:

“No. You are only dust. And to dust you shall return.”

The snap of Steve’s metal-clad fingers echoed in the room and in your head, the sound seeping into your bones as you were blinded by the streak of colours, the white swallowing the whole world for long seconds.

You were sure that this was what actual death looked like. Nothing but emptiness.

You reflected several of your last words to Steve, wanting to rip your hair out. Why had you told him such nonsense? Why would you tell him that God had wanted it this way, that you had only played your part in His grand scheme?

You finally understood the words Sam had told you so many years ago, about similar people in a relationship being a disaster in making. Steve had embraced your belief in being only a tiny wheel in the God’s great plan.

That was the meaning of the words he said. A famous line from Bible, reflecting how much he believed in God’s work at the moment.

You are only dust. And to dust you shall return.

In the critical seconds, Steve believed he had been chosen by God to be the tool delivering Thanos his defeat.

And to very likely to pay his life as a price.

Your eyes adjusted to the once again dark scene, where the hostile army started indeed turning back to dust. You desperately searched the only figure that mattered, finding him with his back resting against a random vertical flat surface, his chest barely rising.

The sight on half of his body severely burned, multiple spots on his skin blacking as it already died, had your eyes squeezed shut, your knees giving out as the sob shook your whole body.

The scene was burned into your brain, an image carved into your eyelids, sharp and precise as if you were still watching with your eyes wide open. You whimpered, shaking your head to chase it away. Vainly. You didn’t remember looking into his eyes, yet you saw them hollow, blue and green always so brilliant misted. Dead.

A hand landed on your shoulder and you winced, releasing another whine, sobs braking through your palm that at some point covered your mouth – whether to be silent of not to throw up, you couldn’t tell. The hand gave you a gentle squeeze that did nothing to sooth your grief.

Oh God, oh you ignorant God, why are you such a DICK?!

“Why? Why did-- it have to--- be him?!” you choked out, avoiding the post-battle sight and instead shot Castiel a glare that could murder.

Your chest hurt. They just tore your heart away, easily as that, hollow gaping space in its place and you couldn’t breathe, you couldn’t breathe and hear and see-

“I don’t know, Little One. It was as it was meant to be. You wouldn’t want to see him suffer through your loss again anyway, believe me.”

“That doesn’t make it right!” you spitted out, disgusted at such implication. As if this happened to make you feel better! You were suffering. Hurting. But most of all, you were so fucking angry. With God. With Castiel. With… with yourself. Maybe if you hadn’t told him— perhaps- oh God, oh Satan, let the pain go away… let him rest at least. “What happens to him now?”

“Watch, Little One. He’s not gone yet,” Castiel encouraged you kindly, but you couldn’t- couldn’t—what was happening? Was he trying to tell you that they might be able to save him?

The flare of hope ignited in your body died as fast as it caught fire; why would Castiel say that you wouldn’t want to Steve go through losing you again if there had been a chance to save Steve still?

Steve was about to die. If he wasn’t gone yet, then he must have been in so much pain that your own, this paralyzing feeling, must have been nothing in comparison.

Why were you forced to witness his last moments? What kind of a twisted Heaven was this?

“You fucking idiot,” Tony rushed to his friend’s side, pissed and resigned at the same time.

“We won,” Steve breathed out weakly, only one eye following the movements around him. You buried your nails in the flesh of your palm, choking on your own spit as the sob tried to fight its way out of your chest.

“Yeah, we did,” Bucky confirmed softly, kneeling to his brother; they were nothing less than that. Hesitant hand curled around Steve’s seemingly unharmed bicep and he made a lame attempt at moving his arm to return that gesture. Bucky clenched his jaw, a tear appearing in the corner of his eye. “Don’t call him an idiot, Stark. That’s my job.”

His voice broke at the end of the sentence and your heart shattered as you felt his pain as your own. You couldn’t see anymore. The image was so blurry, but now new fear controlled your body, the fact Castiel never answered you and that meant something horrible awaited Steve in death and this was in fact your last moments of seeing him and— God, oh God, who had ever dared to call you merciful?

“I’m talking to God,” Tony specified and you wordlessly thanked him. “Clearly, he’s a dick for making it this way.”

“Nah. ‘s smart. S-sam?” Steve choked out, voice barely audible and the therapist (with wings now, having returned to his previous job) was instantly by his side, his eyes glassy as well.

“Yeah, Cap?”

An attempt at shake of head was given, you assumed, but barely a motion was the result. “You Cap now. Will ya’?”

If you had any capacity for being astonished left, you would have been at the request. But you were far too gone, drowning in misery.

“…yeah. Of course. I will if that’s what you want.”

“ ’sanks.”

Thor’s enormous figure took a step closer, thunderous voice uncharacteristically quiet. “We’ll remember you, brother. Both of you.”

A faint smile appeared on Steve’s lips, only one corner capable of rising, and yet he closed both of his eyes for a long moment, clearly struggling to stay conscious.

That’s a lie, your mind whispered. Not just conscious. Struggling to stay alive. And losing!

Only one eye opening, Steve managed to cast a half-lidded glance in Bucky’s direction, flickering to Tony for a second.

His next word was crystal clear. “Home.”

Natasha sobbed into her palm, but her delicate fingers curled around Steve’s arm as well, right next to Bucky’s, giving her friend a tight-lipped pained smile.

“Yeah, Steve. It’s okay to go home. To her. Tell her we say hi, yeah?” she pleaded lowly, keeping her voice without a crack despite few tears escaping her eyes.

You stopped breathing altogether and prayed. God, please, let him find peace. With me. And if not with me, at least give him the peace he deserves, I beg you.

Clint fell to one knee, bowing his head.

At first, you didn’t realize it wasn’t just grief sucking the strength out of him. No. Bucky, Sam and Nat instantly followed, mirroring his position precisely.

They were paying their respect to a fallen comrade, you realized.

You couldn’t take it anymore as you noticed everyone else doing the same. Not when during the process Steve’s chest ceased its motions, the life leaving his body.

And your heart left with him, along with your sanity.

Nothing made sense anymore. You fucked up, God himself fucked up and Castiel, and angels and Universe and-- and it hurt. Steve had said that they had won, but you lost. You lost everything.

Your vision was clouded by both tears of sorrow and anger, your body numb from all the pain.

Castiel’s hand slid from your shoulder, finally, but instead, you were pulled into an embrace.

You wanted to push away and run and punch and curl up on the floor, but the arms around you held you too firmly, your head was buried in your captor’s chest. You wanted to fight it, refuse the lame attempt at comfort, and you breathed in furiously to brace yourself to free your body-- but the sudden familiarity, faint cologne and warmth, body large enough to engulf yours, lips in your hair…

“S-st-steve?” you choked out, disgusting gurgle sounding in your throat, but in that moment, you suddenly couldn’t bring yourself to care.

The way you said his name was more a question, but you didn’t need an answer. You would recognize him anywhere.

You husband. Your soulmate. Your Steve.

The arms around you tightened, his embrace turning nearly crushing, his chest expanding with generous inhale as his face buried in your hair further. Your lips curled up in a tight smile and you let out a hysterical laugh, sorrow and joy, pain and relief.

“You’re here,” he mumbled to your scalp, hot tears following his words and you found yourself lifted from the floor, your body nearly merging with his and you could finally breathe again, your heart fluttering in your chest. One of his arms held you securely to his form while the other fisted in the mess of your hair. “I was so afraid you wouldn’t be here.”

“Then why did you do it?” you asked him, the anger seeping through despite the delight at the encounter you could have only prayed for. He was here. “I’m so fucking mad at you.”

“So am I at you,” he opposed, but the growling of his voice was too soft for you to believe him that his rage was larger than his relief.

And so you let go of your own anger too.

This was all beyond your control. Deep inside, you knew that. You had been just playing a part; neither of you had asked for that. You surely didn’t ask to be approached by Crowley and being given the mission, while there was little Steve could do differently when the weapon had been thrown to his feet; a literal throw of the gauntlet that was impossible to ignore.

There was a large scheme of the inevitable put in motion. Who were you to challenge fate?

No point at being mad at each other. Especially when graced with this opportunity to… whatever this was.

“Truce?” you quipped hesitantly and Steve chuckled, a watery sound that made your chest ache, yet filled it with warmth that could never be replicated. For this sensation, so unique, you needed your soulmate only.

And you had him. Forever, perhaps?

Steve withdrew a fraction, his hand caressing your damp cheek as his own glistened with salty drops, but the magnitude of his love, the amount of affection written all over his face, took your breath away, making you forget all about ugly crying.

One look into his twinkling eyes, full of devotion, and nothing else mattered.

“Yeah, doll. Truce. I love you.”

You didn’t get a chance to tell him the same, since he kissed your nose, your watery giggle having his lips spread in the boyish smile you adored.

“I love you too,” you whispered then, planting your own kiss on his lips, chaste and short.

He wouldn’t take it. His mouth locked with yours in a searing kiss instead, emotion pouring from each tiny motion of his lips against yours and you gave in, engaging in the dance of love, your fingers tangled in his locks.

Now this felt like Heaven.

“We’re okay. Everything is going to be okay,” he breathed into your mouth then, fresh tears spicing your kiss.

You didn’t care if you sounded like a child, you asked anyway. “Promise?”

Steve retreated as little as possible to be able to look into your eyes, his own still glassy, but serious and heavy with a vow.

“Promise.”

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S.R. masterlist

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Am I forgiven? Technically, this could be considered a sort of a happy ending, right? To a point, of course. I mean. Morgan still has her dad. No soulmate pairs were split… :)

Some awesome readers on AO3 suggested that the Winchesters then bullied Cas into bringing the lovebirds back to life, fixed them a cabin in the middle of nowhere, and granted them an actual happy ending. Well. If that makes you feel better, roll with that :-*

BTW, about the scene where they honour the fallen Cap: that scene (with Tony, obviously) WAS supposed to be in Endgame, how dare you, fix that at instant!

I love you if you read this till the end, till the last line. Thank you with my whole heart for your support 🤍

-.-.-

Also, while I love Steve to bits (in case you couldn’t tell) and I was happy for him because of the ending he got in Endgame, understanding the arc the writers made, the more and more I think about it, it was kinda out of character and… maybe I would have been more satisfied if heStevewas the one snapping and taking Tony’s fate. I mean… I would have cried my eyes out, sure, but… but. Sorry for the ramble O:-)

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baoshan-sanren · 4 years ago

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The YinYang Master (2021) liveblog

okay so the city is where the people live and outside of the city is where the monsters live, got it

the yinyang bureau are the dudes who fight the monsters? sure

off the bat, chen kun (qingming) is accused of like killing a bunch of people in the bureau, no clue if he actually did it, but the person i assume to be the female interest does not believe a word of it (or does she)

anyway, he gets the fuck out of there, good for him

seven years later?

are these?

three raccoons in a trench coat?

there are. there are three raccoons in a trench coat, each wielding a sharp and deadly weapon

it’s been ten minutes and this movie has got my attention

OH WE’RE GETTING CHEN KUN WHO FIGHTS WITH A FAN

AND DRINKS LIKE A FISH

AND HOPS AROUND WITH HIS HAIR LOOSE GOOD LORD

hello flying demon things I like your wings

here’s the female love interest again and uh

she’s

a bit terrifying now

whoever is dubbing her must’ve smoked two packs a day for ten years because holy hell that is some gravel

the flying demon thing stole some red gem that I assume is very important

SHE TOOK HIS ASS DOWN WITH ONE ARROW

NOT TO BE A LESBIAN BUT OH MY GOD

okay these things aren’t raccoons, what the hell are they? are the weasels? I’m gonna call them weasels

anyway I’ve had these weasels for 15 minutes but if anything happens to them

THEY ARE FERRETS

A FERRET SWALLOWED THE RED GEM THING

this is quickly getting out of hand you feel me?

OH MY GOOOOOD WHO IS THIS LADY VILLAIN NOW

can you imagine having to report to your boss like, I stole the thingy but then I was defeated by three ferrets

I would die on the spot, like rip to this dude but I’m different

she has some kind of freezing ice power and I like it

now where are we

THERE ARE BADASS LADIES EVERYWHERE IN THIS GUYS

GUYS

I HAVE BEEN MISLED ABOUT THIS MOVIE

AND WHAT IS THIS LOOK? GOOD GOD

anyway, I’m not feeling too hot about this poor ferret’s prospects bc that red gem thing TALKS TO YOU and it sound pretty evil

ah shit, so the yinyang bureau is all like “those ferrets belong to qingming so he’s the one who did it, which means we were right to accuse him of trying to steal the red gem seven years ago”

no wonder this dude drinks, everyone’s out to get him

so the red gem is actually the snake? or like it was the snake? or is the soul of the snake?

this official-looking dude is just talking shit in front of this gravelly female chief of the bureau like he’s got a death wish

good, tell him to zip it

oh shit now we’re getting some past events and they are.... eventful

hm this cimu guy is getting a lot of screen time for a dead dude, perhaps he is not dead?

just now realizing the yinyang bureau boss lady is zhou xun I feel stupid

BOYA

he’s in some deep shit for losing the tribute to a drunk dude and a bunch of ferrets in a trench coat

and I have to say that’s a pretty valid thing to be in trouble for

"I fought with Qingming and he fled in defeat” *SNORT*

did this girl just

hit him with a really long cucumber?

w h a t i s h a p p e n i n g

her name is Shenle and I am now signing the adoption papers

her and boya are going into the monster realm to find qingming and I can just sense a bunch of oncoming shenanigans

I was right

i’m just now realizing that qingming intentionally left boya this spell so he can summon the bridge and come find him

what are you up to mister?

GUYS THIS MONSTER REALM

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I PICTURED GHOST CITY IN TGCF AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH

qingming just made boya his familiar and let me tell you

not nearly as romantic as it was in the dream of eternity

BUT FUNNY THO

qingming is kind of a dick too and I think I like him more

jghgjfkdghdks what is this little red monster thingy what is happening

idk what makes costume designers stuff chen kun in these high collar robes but I am here for this look

ACTION ACTION ACTION FIGHT

this is a lot of romance for me personally right now but

i’m fucking really digging the fact that both chen kun and zhou xun are like

grown-ass adults and experienced actors

she’s even older than him by a couple of years I think so like

for a hetero romance this is basically the only kind I care to see

I KNEW CIMU WAS UP TO NO GOOD

oh maybe he’s dead actually? what is his DEAL

okay this lady isn’t listening to anything you’re saying like why even bother

this poor fucking ferret

OH NO

NOT THE FERRET

okay this bitch can eat my entire asshole, fuck her and her righteous bullshit

aaaand now we’re all getting drunk

chen kun shouldn’t be allowed to do anything ever seriously he’s too hot to exist I feel attacked

hey asshole lady, do you think maybe now you can admit you were wrong and qingming was right?

now we’re all “I should’ve trusted you”

she’s literally going “when this is over, this bracelet will be yours again” I know there’s some magic thing happening w the bracelet but that’s an euphemism if I’ve ever heard one

you just called him a monster to his face like 10 minutes ago

this lady’s got some balls

qingming you’re too nice, I would’ve made her work for it

OH WE GET TO MEET THE BAD GUY BOSS

hnggg this fight scene is just

I am watching this film for the plot

oh crap the asshole lady is dead already?

that was a short redemption arc

and the snow lady is dead too hmpf I actually liked her unhinged little laugh

I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW WHO THE BAD GUYS IS

i feel like the entire monster-fucking dark side of tumblr needs to get a load of this dude

where you going spider dude?

oh this is

not a good development

okay I am definitely not vibing with boya being depicted as an absolute dumbass for 90% of this film like

you could take him out of the movie completely and not lose any of the plot which is... not good

STOP STOP I’M ALREADY DEAD

I have to say these special effects are a bit over the top but so visually satisfying omg

also like

making me actually invested in every single small character within a space of 2.5 hours is pretty impressive

hngggg

i’m starting to think that the whole point of this movie is to showcase how hot chen kun is in any clothing with any hair under any circumstances

oh so now that the bad guy is dead the asshole lady is alive again

which is kind of a cop-out but whatever

“you promised to live and die by my side and never betray me” BIG WORDS FROM SOMEONE WHO BETRAYED HIM FIRST

ahh I get what he did now

that’s pretty cool

and kind of sad

I’m not crying kind of sad but that shit hurted

still, I do like this ending

although this whole thing would’ve been much better as a drama at least 30 episodes long I don’t feel like I wasted 2.5 hours

so yeah, I def rec this if you have time to kill

#侍神令 #shi shen ling #the yinyang master #basically me thirsting over chen kun for 2.5 hours #nothing to see here #long post

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adhdeancas · 4 years ago

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Sunset Sound: Stairway to Heaven

Special thanks to James @friedchickenangelwings for helping me out with this story. I can’t wait to write this. Read on AO3 here

Summary: Everything is the same up to the end of 15x20. Chuck has been “defeated,” but it was all a farce. When Jack absorbed Chuck, Chuck easily took over the 3 year old’s body and acted as if he were defeated. Chuck!Jack then had the Rusty Nail placed in the barn where Dean died, and with Cas gone, Dean didn’t fight it. Chuck did reimagine Heaven, but he’s fed the same lie to them all: that everything is perfect, they are free, they are in real paradise. Except it’s all an illusion insulated by blue skies and endless horizons. Because, just like the Good Place, people make Heaven into Hell for each other. And there’s nothing Chuck loves more than the natural order of tragedy. He “let it slip” to Bobby that he brought Cas back, when he really left him to rot in the Empty. Dean has to find his best friend before it’s too late, and he has to keep a happy face for everyone else, because Chuck is watching. Always watching.

Chapter One: Runnin’ on Empty

“Well, Cas helped.”

Dean’s heart flutters at that and he looks at Bobby. The damn old man raises his eyebrows; he knows he just buried the lead and he did it on purpose. A soft breath escapes him and he smiles. Maybe this is gonna be alright after all. Hell, maybe he can find that angel and…

“It’s a big new world out there. You’ll see.”

Dean’s stomach twists at the idea. I don’t wanna see. His stupid brain insists. He takes a swig of the beer in his hand to try to quiet the voice. “Oh, wow.” He recoils a bit and looks at it. “This tastes like the first drink I ever shared with my dad.” He shares a wry smile with Bobby. Drinks with Dad weren’t exactly top-tier, and they both knew it.

“Quality stuff?”

Dean’s smiling because he feels like he should be. “Nah, it’s crap.” He tries to shift that memory into a good thing, because his memory of his first beer is the crushing doubt and fear that swirled around his head. Finally, he’d done something right enough to earn a beer like a Man, but he still felt… broken.

He feels the same now.

Maybe it’s because he’d really just wanted a hug.

But Bobby is waiting for him to say something. Dean focuses instead on the surface-level joy of that old mid-evening beer, the pride in his dad’s eyes, trying to drum up the feeling. “But it was fantastic.”

“Just like this.”

“It’s almost perfect.” Dean manages. He wants Bobby to agree. He wants Bobby to say ‘Yeah, I know, something just ain’t right, can’t put my finger on it,’ but he doesn’t. He lets the silence drag on for a second longer before he fills it.

“He’ll be along.” Dean’s heart jumps, but then he realizes he’s talking about Sam. Not Cas. But he doesn’t want Sam up here anytime soon; he wants Sam to live a nice life with Eileen, like he promised. “Time up here, it’s different. You got everything you could ever want, or need, or dream. So I guess the question is, what are you gonna do now, Dean?”

It kinda feels like when Jack was born and Cas was dead and Sam wanted to go to strip clubs and listen to Zeppelin and eat at the greasiest holes-in-the-wall. Like he had everything he was supposed to want laid right out in front of him, but… none of it made Dean feel anything. He looks around, searching for inspiration, and his eyes land on home. Things always look clearer when he's looking out at ‘em through Baby’s windshield. “I think I’ll go for a drive.”

“Have fun.”

He leaves the acrid beer with Bobby and climbs into his car. Maybe he’s insane, but she feels.. different. He is insane. He is in heaven. “Get it together, Dean.” he mutters to himself as he pulls away. Bobby mentioned that his parents are nearby but… Dean doesn't want to face that yet. Nothing to fix your existential crisis about Heaven like a neat talk with your disappointed parents.

He keeps to the main road instead. He drives for an hour, maybe two, at least that’s what it feels like. From what Bobby said, time isn’t so straightforward here. That only scares him a little bit. Eventually, his brain seems to calm down enough to think clearly. He’d chosen this. He’d accepted this. And he’d meant what he’d said in that barn; he was okay with dying. Of course, he didn’t realize that meant… He didn’t realize that meant more.

A little voice inside him whispers something evil. He’d just wanted to see Cas again. Even in memories. Like it was before…

He takes a deep breath. “I’m not gonna fuck it up. It’s heaven. I can’t fuck it up in heaven, right?” He laughs out loud to himself, but it’s cut off by Baby groaning underneath him. She starts to slow. “Baby? What the hell?”

She’s out of gas.

Dean grumbles as he pulls over. “Sonuvvabitch, what the-” He almost said what the hell. He’s in heaven. Nothing in hell. Heh. She rolls to a stop and he kills the engine, letting the new silence and stillness wash over him. He sighs. Heaven, huh?

He scrubs a hand across his back and looks over to his right, to an onion field. Yellow and pokey and-

Cas is standing in the middle of it.

Dean just about has a heart attack. He scrambles out of the car, honks Baby’s horn in the process, is all the way around the car by the time he really sees him.

Cas looks terrible. He’s standing stock-still in the middle of the field, arms down at his sides, crumpled trench coat speckled with the black sludge that haunts Dean’s nightmares. His hair is matted, his face gaunt, eyes sunken in with bags dark as bruises. But what scares Dean the most is the look in his eyes. His eyelids droop and hang and he stares straight ahead, straight at Dean, without seeing him, without any light in them at all.

It doesn’t look like Cas.

“Cas?” Dean approaches slowly, hands held out like he would to a wild animal. Cas shows no sign of moving, just stands there. “Cas, look at me, man,” There’s pleading in his voice, but he doesn’t care. He needs Cas to be okay.

Castiel is not okay.

As Dean gets closer, he starts to hear screams and crashes. He twists around to look for the source, but it just seemed to come from… around Cas. He looks closer, and Cas’s hands move to fend something off he can’t see. He’s still just staring ahead, but, looking closer at Cas’s face, he sees something he hadn’t noticed before.

Cas is talking. Well, muttering really. Dean can barely hear him through the pauses in far-off yells. “d-Dea-Dean. Dean- de-Dean.” Dean stomach drops off a cliff. “Dean, just think of… D-du-Dean.”

“I’m here, Cas.” Fuck the rasp in his voice. Fuck the tears in his eyes. Cas can’t hear him. He can tell by the look in his eyes. “FUCK!”

He rubs his eyes with his fists furiously. This is so frustrating, this is so-

There is no one there. No sound. Cas is gone.

Dean strides ahead, but it’s no use. The field is empty, and he is alone. Again.

It takes Dean a few minutes before he can get himself under control. Cas isn’t there; he has to assume he never had been, not really. So, unless Dean has finally gone off the deep end, it was… what, a vision? A- god, it felt familiar. It felt like - it felt like after purgatory. The same haunted face, the same unseeing eyes. Gone in a blink.

Why am I seeing you again, man?

But, as sure as he is that there is grass on the ground, he knows Cas can’t hear him.

Dean sits up against his fender and sighs. On the one hand, he is sitting on warm clear asphalt, feeling the afternoon sun bake his face, and on the other, he is miserable and seeing his dead-alive-again best friend. Except if Cas was around, he would come see him. Right? I mean, Dean died. So young. And Cas just told him-

And Dean is praying to him. And he’s not here. It’s not right. None of it is. That he is sure about. If this was heaven, he didn’t want it.

Dean gets up. Will he ever get some motherfucking peace? He gets in his car, tries the ignition. She starts up again and - miracle of miracles - has gas. He thanks her with a pat and they're off, riding into the eerily-perfect sunset, back the way they came.

Night’s fallen by the time he pulls into the dirt pathway. He parks on the lawn and shivers a little bit in the chill of the night. Funny, he wouldn’t think Heaven got cold. But then again, he wouldn’t have thought Heaven would be shitty either. The roadhouse is inviting and homey, lights on inside. Dean snags a beer from the cooler left out front and kicks the door open softly. “Hello?” He doesn’t know who he’s expecting, but it definitely wasn’t who he gets.

“Dean!” Charlie wraps him in a hug before he can say anything, and Dean gladly melts into it. God, it’s good to see her. He pulls away and pats her cheek, checking her out. She looks good, normal. Less… dead and bloody than he last saw her? Jesus his mind is a dark place.

“Hey kid! How the hell are you?”

Charlie rolls her eyes at the greeting, but she can’t stop grinning. “All things considering, y’know, being dead and all, I’m good!”

Dean laughs. She’s already rambling, and he missed her. “Sorry about that one,” he winces, remembering his part in the circumstances around her death.

Charlie chooses to take it as a condolences. “Yeah, you too, dude. But at least we died young and hot, right?” She tugs him over to the bar and leans around to yell at the scuffed doorway. “Ash! We got company?”

Dean’s eyes widen. “Ash? You guys know each other?”

“Can’t keep geniuses like us apart, compadre,” Dr. BadAss comes out of his backroom, arms spread out in greeting. Dean can’t stop himself from greeting him with a hug. He hadn’t known who to expect here, but Ash and Charlie are just about best case scenario. “What’re you doing here?”

Dean knows he means how he died, but he looks around anyway. The rest of the bar is quiet and still, and Dean can hear nothing outside the heavy doors either. “I think we gotta problem, Ash.”

Ash’s face folds into a frown. “What kinda problem?” Dean feels Charlie press in and he glances at her suddenly-serious face.

“A big one. A heaven sized one.” They all looked around skeptically, a little Scooby-Doo-like, taking in the lifeless room around them. Finally, Ash meets Dean’s eyes, and Dean withdraws a little.

“Yeah, we know. Welcome to the team, Deano.”

Tag list: @dochunterwitch @justonecitizenoftheearth @gnbrules @purpe @castiel-is-a-cat

#fanfic #my writing #destiel #deancas #15x20 coda #coda #fix it fic #sunset sound #sunset sound: stairway to heaven #runnin' on empty #chapter 1 #dean winchester #ash #castiel #charlie bradbury #bobby singer

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sidecarghost · 4 years ago

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Suptober Day 16: Switch It Up!

Destiel Chatfic - College!AU where Dean and Cas are both dating the same girl. Cas finds out and sends Dean an instagram direct message, and Dean gets an insta-crush on Cas.

Gabriel texts Cas - 11:19 am ~~ Gabriel: Yo little bro! Cas: Hello Gabriel. Gabriel: Are you and Tessa still dating? Because I just saw her kissing this guy in the campus parking lot next to what I assume was his car. Cas: Uh yeah, are you sure it's Tessa? Gabriel: Hold on a sec. Gabriel: Yes, I just walked over and said "Hi Tessa, do you remember me Cas's brother?", and she responded "Oh yeah, hi Gabriel, how is Cas doing?" Cas: That does sound like something she would say. Gabriel: I asked her to introduce me to her friend, and she said his name was Dean Winchester. Cas: what do you want me to do with that name? Gabriel: Hell if I know, I guess fight for fair Tessa's honor? Cas: I'm sure I won't do that, but thanks for letting me know Gabriel.

~~ Later that day, Cas looks up Dean Winchester on IG and finds a likely looking profile and sends DM - 5:48 pm ~~

Cas: Hello Dean, I know you don't know me, but I think we are both dating Tessa. Dean: Welp, that explains somethings. Have you been dating Tessa long? I wasn’t sure if she was playing the field still or not. Cas: Not very long, just a few weeks. Dean: I assumed we were exclusive when Tessa asked me to be her boyfriend, so I guess it's on me for assuming. Cas: Um ok, I just thought letting you know was the right thing. But if you’re upset I understand. Dean: S'okay Cas, you seem cool, and I'm happy I'm getting to know you. Cas: Um, thanks you seem cool too. Dean: Can I call you my boyfriend-in-law? Cas: Well, I was going to break up with Tessa after confirming this with you. Dean: If that is the case, can I call you my boyfriend? Cas: Huh? Dean: Confession time. Since you sent me a dm, I started stalking your IG account, and you look all kinds of hot. I kind of understand why I was being cheated on now. Cas: Uh, that is flattering... I think. Dean: Hold on, I'll break up with Tessa first. Cas: Wait, what? I just wanted to give you a heads up about Tessa, and I'm not sure what is going on in this convo anymore.

~~ Dean texts Tessa - 5:52 pm ~~ Dean: Sorry to break up with you over text, but this is a life & death emergency. Dean: Btw, the painting of Baby you made for your art course is awesome! I saw it in campus center. Tessa: Oh wow, I hope everything is okay or that it will be. Tessa: No worries about the break up, I think we are better as friends. Tessa: And I'm glad you like the Baby painting! ~~

Dean: Okay done, do you like pie? Cas: Um... pie is okay. Dean: Seriously? You like pie? I knew I was in love with you! Cas: I am not sure if you are kidding or serious. Dean: Sorry! I tend to ramble when I'm excited. Want me to pick you up for a date later? We can get pie at this diner I know. Cas: Sure, I'd like that Dean. Dean: Okay, text me where you want me to pick you up at 7pm. I'll be driving a black 67 Chevy Impala. Cas: Okay, I think I saw pics of that car on your feed when I was trying to find you on IG. Dean: What did you think of her? Cas: Her? Dean: Yeah, I tend to think of my Impala as female. Have you ever watched this really old tv show Knight Rider? Cas: Sorry, I don’t think I’ve heard of it. Dean: No worries, I have the box set on Blu Ray. We can watch together some time if you’d like. But I brought up because it’s about this guy that solves mysteries with his talking Pontiac Trans Am “KITT.” Cas: Oh, that’s an interesting premise for a tv show. Dean: Ikr! Anyway, so that’s me and my car, Baby, too. If she had a voice box, she would totally help me solve mysteries. Cas: Like the mystery machine? Dean: asdfasfasgwe You like Scooby doo?!? Cas: Well, I watched some when I was little. And I think I remember the gist of it. Dean: Scooby Doo was my show growing up!! And yeah, Baby is like that. A lot of things just get thrown away when they wear out. But some things transcend the mundane, and throwing them away would be like losing something divine. Cas: Uh, she sounds really special Dean. I’m looking forward to meeting you and her later then. Dean: Ok, Baby and I will show you a good time! Cas: Sounds good, bye Dean. Dean: ttyl Cas!

Cas texts Tessa - 6:13 pm ~~ Cas: Hello Tessa, I don't think we are right for each other, but I hope we can still be friends. Tessa: Oof, the other guy I was seeing just broke up with me over text too. I'm having a rough day. Cas: Was it Dean? Tessa: Yeah, he seemed nice. I wasn't sure how interested in me he was though, he mostly wanted to talk about his car, little brother, and classic movies. Cas: Actually, I met Dean because I found out we were both dating you. So I let him know, because it felt like the right thing to do. Tessa: Oh, it hadn't occurred to me that I was serious enough with either of you to talk about being exclusive. Sorry if I hurt you or Dean's feelings. Cas: I was a little hurt, but Dean seemed okay about it. Tessa: I'm sorry Cas! You are a very sweet guy, and I hope you find someone that doesn't hurt your heart. And I'd be happy to still be friends if the offer stands. Cas: Thanks I do want to be friends, and as for finding someone, well I actually have a date with Dean tonight. Tessa: Omg! I'm so excited for the two of you! My advice, wear your blue henley and skip the trench coat. Cas: I've never gone on a date with a guy before, so I'm feeling kind of nervous. And also, I’ve never gone a date with someone I hadn’t met in person already. This is definitely a little overwhelming. Tessa: I think you'll be fine Cas. Dean is a nice guy, and if things get too silent and awkward just ask him about his car, brother, or favorite movies. Cas: Dean did tell me about his car a bit already, and it was pretty touching how much she meant to him. Tessa: Yeah, Dean has a huge heart. I feel like once he loves someone, Dean would wage war against Heaven or Hell to protect them. Baby is definitely part of his family, and while a lot of people tend to take things for granted, Dean is more likely to show reverence for the things that have held him together. Cas: That sounds almost spiritual. Tessa: Spiritual is a good way to describe it. Also, Dean does tend to be all highs and lows, like he either loves something or he hates it. There is really not much middle ground. You seem a lot more level-headed Cas, tbh I think you and Dean are perfect complements for each other. Cas: Well, we haven’t even been on a date yet. Tessa: Haha, I know. I’m just being sap ig. But I have good feeling about you guys. Cas: Thanks Tessa, I appreciate it. Tessa: Anytime hun! And I have been seeing this girl, Charlie, maybe we can all go out on a double date sometime. Cas: You were seeing three people? Tessa: yeah, and I should tell Charlie I was seeing some other people, and I'd like to just commit to her. I really like her Cas, and I don't want to ruin it. I think she knows, but I also thought you and Dean knew so I should be more upfront. Cas: Yeah, that's a good idea. And maybe we can all go out some time in the future. Tessa: Yay! I'd like that. Let me know how DeanCas goes tonight. Cas: Ok, I've got to go get ready. Tessa: Later hun!

~~ Tessa texts Charlie - 6:26 pm ~~

Tessa: I really like you, do you want to be exclusive? Charlie: Did the guys you were dating break up with you? Tessa: Lol yes, but it saved me trouble of breaking up with them. And actually they kind of found each other through me, so I'm feeling like their fairy godmother or something. Charlie: omfg! I'm imagining you as a fairy godmother now, and that image is burned in my brain. Tessa: Lol it is pretty funny, and I think Dean and Cas would hate me forever for even saying that. Charlie: Don’t worry I will keep your role as their fairy godmother secret. Tessa: So, you didn't answer my question... Charlie: Sorry, Tessa. I really like you too. But I'm not ready to commit to a serious relationship yet. Can we keep dating each other and other people for a little longer and keep it casual? Tessa: Sure, but when you are ready let me know! Charlie: Ofc, darling! Tessa: Also, Cas and I chatted about four of us going on double date in future. They are both nice guys, what do you think? Charlie: Sure, maybe we can recruit them for LARP. Tessa: Don't worry my queen. I will get them recruited to follow your flag. Charlie: I knew my fairy godmother wouldn't let me down. Tessa: Ofc, not even remotely possible for me to ever let you down, my queen.

~~ Dean texts Sam 6:35pm ~~

Dean: Sammy, remember the girl Tessa I was dating? Sam: yeah, you were forcing her to watch an Indiana Jones marathon with you last weekend. Dean: "forcing" seems like a strong word, everyone loves Indiana Jones. Sam: sure they do Dean. Dean: Anyway, we broke up. Sam: oh, sorry man Dean: No worries Samantha, I've got a date with her other boyfriend, Cas. I’m actually getting ready to pick him up in just a minute. Sam: oh, good for you then Dean: I'm kind of nervous tho, I was stalking his ig, and even though he's really hot I don't think we have much in common. Sam: well, they say opposites attract. Dean: He posts math and physics joke memes. Sam: so what? Dean: I don't know any good math or physics jokes. Sam: Don't bother picking up a bunch of lame jokes. I think this guy would rather get to know the real you. Dean: Well, I did ramble a bit about Baby earlier when we started messaging. Sam: And he still wants a date with you? He sounds like a keeper Dean. Dean: What do you mean? Everyone loves Baby. I gotta text you a pic of this painting Tessa made. Baby looks so badass. Sam: Okay, well try not to only talk about Baby with Cas. Try to learn about him and open up about yourself too. You keep saying your tired of casual flings, but if you don’t let people in that will be all you ever get. Dean: Ugh, I'm a mess. Getting to know the real me is a really great way to scare anyone off. Sam: hey, I'm still here. Dean: yeah, you're my brother. You are stuck with me no matter how much of a dumpster fire I become. Sam: you're not a dumpster fire. just don't overthink it. do you want me to ask Jess out tonight so we can double date? Dean: no, I can do this, showing up to a first date with my little brother as chaperone would be weird. Sam: it's only weird if you let it be Dean: well, I'm not letting it be Sam: ok, whatever Dean: later moose Sam: drop dead squirrel

#destiel #destiel fic #suptober20 #chatfic #gum writes

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amwritingmeta · 4 years ago

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This season we’ve had so many “You’re dead” or “Thought you were dead”s going on.

First Lilith returned. She had to die to get what she wanted. I mean...

Then Eileen. For her, love saved her and death didn’t stick. I mean...

Then Rowena, though, granted, not exactly alive - she’s just not out of the narrative. Her sacrifice brought her into her truest self, though, which I find interesting.

Then Jack! Forgot Jack the first time around and he also was brought back from the Empty. Hmh.

Plus our Kaia was brought back from the Bad Place and reunited with Claire. I swear, this season just brought it, didn’t it? :)

Then Lucifer, who, like Lilith, was brought out of the Empty itself.

Now, both Lucifer and Lilith were brought out of the Empty by God.

Plus we learn that, yes, Sam did bring Eileen back, he did save her, but it was thanks to God’s nudging.

Rowena went badass down in Hell and claimed the throne for herself (rightly so and hot damn still makes me dance) but on a throne is where she truly belongs, so her getting that for herself just fits her arc beautifully.

I’m just musing on all the ways Cas may come back.

If Eileen’s return turns out to have been foreshadowing that would be beautiful af, but with all the God interference I wonder if Jack will grant one final gift to both Cas and Dean and give them both what they want most...

It would make sense for Jack to give a nudge.

Dean may still need a gentle push into feeling ready to open up. Having Cas return as if out of the blue would be fascinating to watch tbh.

And look it, I would love for Dean to play a role in Cas getting out of the Empty, but perhaps what he needs most is all to do with him daring to tell Cas he wants him to stay, once Cas is there with him again.

I also wonder if we’ll get Cas in the Empty at all in 15x20. I kinda hope we don’t. I don’t know if it’s something we necessarily need to see again, you know?

I keep thinking about the S5, S7, S8, S10, S11, S12, S13 (by jack they’ve lost each other or been afraid they’ve lost each other a LOT eh?) reunions between these men, and though Dean praying to Cas (every night) to wake him in the Empty would be *chef’s kiss*, the simple belief that Cas would come back was enough in S7. Holding onto that trench coat. “Part of me always knew you’d come back.” To have that line finally fit in with where the characters are at would be quite satisfactory. Of course, Dean actively praying would make it fit as well. Faith-based action isn’t deal-making or spell-finding. Know what I mean?

Not that I would mind. I genuinely don’t care how Cas comes back, I only care that he does and that we get Dean in reciprocation mode like hells to the yes, Dean loves Cas back BOOM BABY! :P

As for Cas’ arc, being brought back to where he truly belongs, to be with the man he loves, is gravy. Because he’s faced his deepest fear—happiness, rooted in the belief that he’ll never be enough just as he is—through finding self-acceptance and self-love and knowing that him feeling his feelings and knowing the truth of his feelings is enough. He’s been so comfortable in his own skin all season. So sure of himself. So tired of the miscommunication and blame and bullshit. It’s like a visual thread, him slowly having to admit to himself that Dean doesn’t love him back, given to us through how he behaves around Dean, his reactions to Dean, his wanting to break through that wall and finding himself unable.

It’s damned beautiful acting.

And it’s not like I hadn’t noticed, it’s just knowing that Misha knew going into this season where Cas was going to end up lends such weight to it all.

And of course Cas is wrong. Dean loves him back with all his heart. And Dean needs to face his deepest fear—happiness, rooted in the belief that he’ll never be enough just as he is— if he’s to live a long and happy life. And since Cas is the embodiment of Dean’s happiness, perhaps Cas needs to come back for Dean to face and embrace how little he can take losing happiness EVER again. Better to risk it all than to not have happiness around.

Gah! I cannot wait to find out so I’m just very much happily and excitedly on the edge of my seat waiting to see what we actually get!

It’s the finale tonight.

How crazy is that??

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archivingspn · 4 years ago

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youtube

Season 8 DVD Extra: “Angel Warrior: The Story of Castiel”

[Dean: Cas we’re getting out of here. We’re going home. Castiel: I can’t] [Dean, Cas and Benney standing beside the river in Purgatory] Singer: An angel who feels guilt, who says, “I’m in the right place in Purgatory cause this is where I- this- this should be my punishment.” There’s a lot you can do with that character.

[Castiel: Dean!] Carver: You know, it’s just one piece of the proof that this character that started out as pretty much a warrior angel who rescues Dean from Hell had a certain richness.

[Samandriel: Despite his mistakes, Castiel’s heart was always in the right place.] Singer: He’s got this power, he’s got this connection to heaven, but he’s- he- he’s behaving, you know, he has the emotions of a mortal, and those things always conflict within him. Glass: It allows us to learn more about our own humanity. When you have a character that’s a blank slate, it allows you to explore so many things about humanity, the good and the bad. And I think Castiel is the perfect example of that. [Dean: Hold on! Castiel: Dean! Dean--]

[Title Screen: ANGEL WARRIOR: The Story of Castiel] [Dean: (in Hell) Somebody help me! (pants in pain) Sam!] Edlund: Well, I think one of the- one of the first very important jobs that- that, uh, had to get done was, Dean had to get out of Hell, which is a big problem. We toyed with the idea of there being a kind of a quest or a large s-sort of series of events that took place, uh, for- for Dean to get out of Hell. And, um, it really came down to, we knew it was going to happen, so why not have it just happen?

[Dean examines the red handprint on his shoulder in the mirror] Carver: We start in the writers room talking about what types of things could actually pull Dean from Hell, and knowing that we wanted to start getting into these ideas of, um, uh, angels and heaven and everything. At its root, it was just very smart that this divine thing pulled him out.

[Dean dodges breaking glass in the gas station] Edlund: And, then he’s sort of pursued by this sort of, uh, what seems like a sinister unseen force. That was the entity, Castiel, without a vessel, trying to make contact with Dean.

[Castiel reveals his black wings in the barn to a disbelieving Dean] Glass: Yeah, our show is definitely not the Touch by an Angel's kind of angels. (laughs) Our angels, uh, have an agenda. Singer: These are n-, y’know, not little cherubs sitting on your shoulder and they weren’t Clarence in- from, y’know, It’s a Wonder Life. Dabb: These are people who are warriors. They’re there to enf- at least, at the very beginning, they’re there to enforce what they believe is the will of God.

[Dean: I thought angels were supposed to be guardians - fluffy wings, halos - not dicks.] Edlund: Supernatural branching into the world of angels? Uh, that’s a pretty big deal. It was, mythologically speaking, a big branch. Jared: And Jensen and I both were like, well, you know we didn’t sign up to make, like, a show about religion, like, that’s not what we’re trying to do as actors. And, when we signed up for Supernatural we thought we were making, like urban legends, myths, blah-blah-blah. Jensen: You know, I wasn’t quite sure where they were taking it. I mean, now all of a sudden we were dealing with angels and demons, whereas before we were dealing with, y’know, ghosts and- and goblins.

[(FM) Misha: You guys want to run lines, or…? Dean: His name’s Misha. (looks skeptical) Misha?] Misha: When they sent out the sides for this audition, for the role of Castiel, the sides said it was a demon, because Eric didn’t want to reveal that they were adding an angel to the show. Edlund: The first episode of the fourth season was built to really be this slow build, with a big kind of introduction at the end of it, so keeping it quiet was pretty important.

Misha: I did one- one take of the scene and Eric said, “Okay, good, good, but actually, y-you’re n- cat’s out of the bag, you’re an angel, not a demon, now do it again.” And I did, and apparently he liked what I did, cause, um, I got the part.

[Castiel walks into a barn lit by sparking lights] Misha: The season premiere of Season 4, which was the episode that I a- first appeared in, at McGee’s offices, sort of at the screening party, and Sera Gamble, um, the writer and producer, was standing next to me. And right when I came on screen, she leaned over and whispered to me, “Your life is about to change.” And then, lo and behold, it really has changed remarkably, and it’s, um, it’s been quite exciting.

[Castiel: I’m an angel of the Lord.] Sgriccia: When we bring in Castiel, he’s -he’s in a human form. If you were to look at an angel, you’d be blinded and you’d be deaf from the sound of it. Edlund: There’s a lot that we owe to the badass presentation of angels. Like, there’s Constantine, there’s, um, Prophecy with, uh, Christopher Walken. One of the things that became a powerful icon for that character was just the trench coat. It became quite powerful. Singer: It was really a stunning shot where you saw the- the shadow of these enormous wings. And it was not, uh, (in a hippie voice) “Oh, wow that’s an angel.” It was, (sounds nervous) “Oh, like, geez, that’s an angel,” y’know.

Edlund: We didn’t swing for the, uh, animatronic wings that are constantly fluttering and re-fluttering behind him. There’s a desire to step away from that sort of thing and be a little bit more low to the ground, which is Supernatural’s general aesthetic thrust.

[Dean: Who are you? Castiel: I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition. Dean: Yeah?] Edlund: When Misha created the persona for this character, I forget if he had a cold or not, or if he just decided to do it, but he, uh, pitched his voice down a little bit, to give himself gravitas. Misha: Oh, I thought, oh, I sh- I should give him, like, a really commanding, powerful voice.

[Castiel: You have no faith.] Misha: Something that I now regret, because I’ve been doing it for six years, and there are definitely times when I have to go home and like, drink hot lemon water and- (laughs) and have a sore throat. Jensen: He came in with a, y’know, he- he committed. And, y’know, sometimes you- you win some and sometimes you don’t, but it’s nice to- to have somebody with that kind of a conviction. Carver: Y’know, there was a vein that was struck there with this character. I’m probably not the one to say why it worked. I can only tell you... it d-did, and- and it has worked, and the proof is in the pudding.

Jensen: The fact that you know, we have essentially an angel who can pop in and pop out wherever we are-

[Castiel: Hello Dean] Jensen: -I thought was a really good recipe for somebody to stick around, and- and be a- a- a greater part of this storyline.

[Castiel: Thank you. For everything. Dean: Save the Hallmark, okay? It’s gonna work. Nobody gets left behind.] Carver: I don’t see – and- and I’m not saying he’s not, but – I don’t look at Castiel as a mentor and a protector at all. I look at him as yet another person that was sucked into the Winchester brothers’ orbit. Edlund: He was on the heavenly payroll, and every time he showed up it was to accomplish some specific goal and he was not stretching too far out of that range to aid the boys. And sometimes he was a problem for the boys. Glass: He sometimes gets lost along the way in what he thinks is right and protecting the boys, and does things that, at the end of the day, um, end up not helping.

Edlund: As an angel, his- his understanding of human emotions was something that was, like, naive, even though he had watched humans for so long. Singer: His motives generally are right but, y’know, he- he makes mistakes because he doesn’t quite understand everything.

[Dean: What the Hell’s wrong with you? Castiel: I am an angel in a land of abominations. There have been things hunting me since the moment we arrived. Dean: (yelling) Join the club. Castiel: These are not just monsters, Dean. They’re Leviathan. I have a price on my head, and I have been trying to stay one step ahead of them to- to keep them away from you.]

Misha: He sees himself as Dean’s protector, and at the same time sees Dean as something of a mentor, because there’s a lot about the world he doesn’t understand and that he can glean from Dean. Singer: He saw in the boys, really, the worth in humanity, and he became sort of enamored of humanity as, y’know, channeled through Sam and Dean. So, on the one hand, he thinks, “I owe this allegiance to God, I owe this allegiance to the angels, but I think this freewill thing is right, and I think that’s probably what God wanted.” So, that was his sort of line of demarcation with the angels. Jensen: This relationship that he has developed with these humans, uh, has- has truly shaped the story that he is- is now kind of creating for himself. It’s- it’s much more freewill than it is about, y’know, the- the- the duty of an angel. Dabb: Castiel is the boys’ best ally. He’s kind of the one friend that isn’t each other that they’ve been able to rely on for years. That doesn’t mean he’s perfect, because he definitely is not that, and they go- that goes the other way, too. But he’s always been there for them, and I think that’s been very important, because the only brother (sic) people in their lives who- who fill that role are them- are, y’know, basically each other. Carver: I don’t know if the relationship would have worked as well, if he was just a mentor as opposed to a- a friend.

[Dean: (startles awake, spilling his beer) Ugh. Dammit, Cas. How many times I gotta tell you? It’s just creepy.] Carver: Just to speak of the Dean-Cas of it, I think you’ve got two incredibly dynamic, uh, y’know, characters slash actors in their own right who are so good at being exactly what they’re supposed to be, and what they are, essentially, is an odd couple.

[Dean: In the police report, it said that the, uh, the bush- it talked to you. Yeah? Victim: It sounded like Klingon to me. Dean: I’m gonna need exact words. Victim: You’re serious? Castiel: That’s his serious face, yes.] Edlund: Castiel the entity. This celestial being, as the fish-out-of-water- um, h-he’s an alien. He’s an alien to human experience.

[Castiel: What’s so funny?] Jared: Misha’s brought so much. I mean, Misha, he’s a very intelligent person and he’s brought a soul and understanding and some awesome humor and, um... so many other things. I mean, Cas, it feels like he lives and breathes on-screen.

[Dean: It’s wabbit season. (Sam smiles.) Castiel: I don’t think you pronounced that correctly.] Sgriccia: Misha plays it so straight. He’s like Starman. He’s just this guy that you think- he looks human, but his cadence, his rhythm, his timing on things is off. There’s huge funny pieces that happen with him and the guys.

[Castiel: I’m going to become a hunter.] Sgriccia: Because he says something that’s totally straight – it comes off as really, really funny.

[Sam: Really? Castiel: Yeah. I could be your third wheel! (Sam laughs and bites his tongue) Dean: You know that’s not a good thing, right? Castiel: Course it is! A third wheel adds extra grip, greater stability-] Glass: Everything from the way he plays him, where, y’know- And it allows us to write great jokes where he doesn’t always get what’s being said, you know, and always, y’know, takes things very literally.

[Dean: She’s right, you know. I mean, the whole heart jumping out of the guy’s chest, the- the delayed fall - that’s straight-up Bugs Bunny. Castiel: So we’re looking for some sort of insect-rabbit hybrid? How do we kill it?] Jensen: The fact that he is (laughs) has really committed to that character, uh, I think made it really, uh, really unique and interesting for the storyline.

[Castiel: (interviewing a cat) I’ve almost cracked him. Dean: Now! Castiel: Hey, I’m not through with you. Cat: Dumbass.] Edlund: Misha really played that in a lot of different ways. I mean, there’s been a lot of different incarnations of Castiel, because he’s gone through so much. Glass: I’m gonna go really geeky on you guys right now. (laughs) Um, you know, he’s our Data from Star Trek: Next Generation, you know? He is our character that allows us to explore humanity. He’s an angel who loves humans, and so I think what you’re getting to see in him and what makes him such a great character is, he’s a reflection of us.

[Castiel: (yelling) Why did you kill your husband?! Dean: Agent Stills? Sam: Please, forgive my partner. He’s, uh, he’s going through some stuff.] Edlund: It’s his un-formedness, in a way, as an angel that allows him to make the decisions he makes during the course of the- the story. He had what Dean and Sam later described as a moral lapse.

[Castiel: Speak plain. Crowley: I want to discuss a simple business transaction, that’s all. Castiel: You want to make a deal? With me?]

Misha: One of the biggest problems with the character is that he’s too powerful, and you don’t want an ally, uh, for Sam and Dean who can solve all of their problems with a snap of his fingers, so one of the things that they’ve been doing with Castiel over the last several years is finding ways to impede his power. He becomes kind of an enemy by being God, or he goes insane. There’s all these different layers that they have used to incapacitate him in some way. When we first met Castiel, he was very much the good little soldier. Over time, his exposure to Sam and Dean has made him much more human. It has given him, y’know, questions to wrestle with, like, “Do I have freewill? Do we all have freewill?” Questions that a good little soldier doesn’t normally wrestle with. Mark S.: We intersect with each other because we have agenda that are similar.

[Crowley: I’m talking about Raphael’s head on a pike. I’m talking about happy endings for all of us, with all possible entendres intended. C’mon. Just a chat?] Dabb: Crowley was made in Hell, Castiel was made in Heaven, and both of them are rebelling to some degree. They’ve both kind of broken away from the home office. They’re both kind of rebels in that way, and I think that’s what really gave them a common ground. They’re like, y’know, we’re rebels. You’re a rebel, I’m a rebel, let’s be rebels together.

[Crowley: It’s either this, or the apocalypse all over again. Everything you’ve worked for, everything that Sam and Dean have worked for-- gone.] Sgriccia: I think there was always gonna be some flaws in him – you know, power corrupts. So he got corrupted, and he went the wrong way, and it went- horribly bad. You know, because he had all those souls in him, um, and he realized that it wasn’t gonna work. Y-you know, that’s the human part coming out, that he realizes that. Otherwise he would have just kept going.

[Castiel slams Crowley against a wall.] Carver: For me, it’s all a balance between the joy and the pain. Mark S.: I mean, this is- it’s an amazing push and pull.

[Crowley: This is not how synergy works!] Mark S.: They need each other. They’re, y’know, they’re two sides of a very similar coin. Misha: Ah, boy, Crowley is pr- a big problem. And he just doesn’t seem to be going away, unfortunately. I don’t know what to do about it.

[Naomi: Tell me about Sam and Dean. Castiel: The prophet is being kept safe. The tablet has split in two, and the Winchesters are trying to recover the missing piece. Why am I telling you any of this?] Mark S.: The introduction of Naomi adds a- a second twist to it, which is, angels aren’t just the goody-goody- I mean, we’re getting a sense here that the stuff being done – “for the good of the garrison” shall we say – goes beyond what we thought angels were capable of doing.

[Naomi: Let us put the tablet back where it should be. Castiel: I need to protect it.] Singer: When he realizes that he’s been sort of a pawn in this game again, he feels I don’t- I can’t do anything right, I- y’know, it- it just wh- Whatever I do in relation to the Winchesters or whatever I do here on Earth when I think I’m being helpful, here I’m being puppeted by this-this person. Dabb: Cas is seen by heaven as an agent of chaos. You know, for good reason. Like, he ripped the place apart, he’s instrumental in the downfall of these Archangels.

Singer: He’s kind of crestfallen a-about this. He feels, “The best thing for me to do is just,” you know, “Get the hell out of here. Go underground. Not be- not be involved.” Sgriccia: The humanist part helps him correct himself in a way. There’s this whole thing about heaven and the angels and how they’re dysfunctional and just like humans in a way, only a different level of arguments and disagreements. And there’s- is, you know, it’s in disarray in heaven, and he doesn’t want that anymore. Jared: Cas is starting to see the power of humanity, um, through these brothers, and what they’re willing to do and what they’re willing to sacrifice. And I think that’s kind of a story that Supernatural is trying to tell. Edlund: His ability to connect with a human, a naturally flawed, naturally imperfect, naturally given to the doubts and caprices of freewill – there’s something broken in Cas that resonates with whatever it is that is broken in humanity.

[Naomi: Castiel. Castiel!] Edlund: There’s a crack in Cas and, I put forward, the crack through which amazing things come. That’s why he keeps coming back. It has to be this way, in part because he was the one who was primed to lose it in the face of humanity’s plight. Singer: He realizes the, um, the importance of the angel tablet and his one last sort of thing of “I’m gonna do the right thing” is “I’m going to protect this- this tablet.“

[Castiel: They’re getting closer. Waiter: What’s that, Chief?] Singer: “This is- this is my last connection to God, really, and I have this tablet and I’m going to at all costs hold it and keep it. I don’t want the Angels to have it, I don’t want the Winchesters to have it. This is my last shot to make it right for me.”

[Castiel: Shut up! (knocks an angel down and casts him out of his vessel] [Castiel walking into the barn in Season 4] Glass: You can write a great character, but if it’s not acted right, uh, then it doesn’t mean anything. And, what really any writer or producer will tell you is what’s amazing – and I know this is the case with Misha – where you write a great character but then they come in and even bring it to a whole other level. Dabb: You have a universe. You have stories you want to tell. You have different moving parts. And if someone’s a moving part that can, y’know, twi- spin and spin and spin, they’re al- you’re always gonna get more use out of them, versus the one person that’s just there for a little while. Sometimes, you know that kind of early on, but more often it- it’s something that is really only apparent- only apparent in hindsight. Misha: That’s also something that has worked well for me. It’s just gratifying and interesting to play something that is always changing, and not to be sort of stuck in a rut.

Dabb: It’s- a character – like any character, but especially a character like Castiel, who’s grown so much – really is a collaboration between the writers, the directors, y’know, the production, and, uh, particularly the actor. Glass: Misha just- he’s- he’s amazing as- as- as Cas. And, I think this guy’s gonna do okay. I think this is not the last we’ll see of this Misha. Hm? [Castiel looks up at the sky as the angels fall.]

#2013-Sep #2013:September10angelwarrior #*SMT #*destiel #*queerbaiting #*romance #c/m saved the show #Bob Singer #Jeremy Carver #Ben Edlund #Adam Glass #Andrew Dabb #Phil Sgriccia #Jensen Ackles #Jared Padalecki #Misha Collins #Mark Sheppard

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sylvanfreckles · 4 years ago

Text

Impaled (FebuWhump 04)

I had an extremely crappy day at work today...like coming home crying level crappy. So, as a defense mechanism, this came out. Granted, it was always going to be a slightly humorous take on this scenario, but this went a little...extreme.

You can also read this on AO3

Fandom: Supernatural Summary: Who would have thought, in the end, it would be vampire clowns in a busted-up barn in the middle of nowhere?

Not the Winchesters, that's for certain.

And certainly not Castiel, who did not get resurrected again just to die at the hands of a monster with a fourteen-year grudge.

* * *

After everything..after Chuck and Free Will and rewriting their own lives...it all came down to this.

A musty old barn in the ass-crack of nowhere, facing down a gang of vampires of all things.

“So, what, now's when we find out Gordon isn't actually dead?” Dean muttered, standing back-to-back with Sam. “Or, ah, what's-her-name...the hippie one who only ate cows. Think she's here?”

“We watched Lenore die,” Sam reminded him. “And I killed Gordon. I don't think this is either of them.”

“Yeah, unless Chuck brought them back,” Dean shot back. “Cas?”

Castiel, who had been silently and efficiently dispatching vampires turned back at Dean's question. “I find it unlikely Chuck would have considered either of them important enough to bring back from Purgatory.” Another vampire roared up behind him, and without even looking Cas stabbed him through the throat with his angel blade.

Dean had to admit, the flutter of Cas's new calf-length trench coat was pretty impressive as the angel spun around to yank his blade from one vampire and plunge it into another. Jack had apparently hooked his adoptive father up with some new duds on his return from the Empty, so Cas wasn't exactly rocking the whole “holy tax accountant” look anymore.

On the one hand, the long black trench coat was absolutely badass. The way it spun around Cas as he moved in battle reminded Dean of the shadows of wings cast on the barn ceiling all those years ago, and it had a much more stylish cut that emphasized the muscle on the angel's powerful frame.

On the other...the rainbow-colored sweater vest was a little much. But the combination was something that was just so essentially Jack they really couldn't complain.

“Dean!”

Pulled out of his daydreams by his brother's warning scream, Dean managed to deflect an incoming vampire and roll out of the way, narrowly avoiding the dangerous-looking nail that was poking up out of one of the support beams. Damn, they really needed to stop confronting vampires in fallen-down old barns.

Cas hauled him to his feet and manhandled him to one side, a blast of holy power from his other hand obliterating yet another vampire clown. “How many more are there?” the angel shouted over the sounds of battle.

“They just keep coming,” Sam panted. They were cornered now—Cas's angel blade was still embedded in a vampire a few feet away, Dean's machete had gotten notched when it had gotten stuck on a particularly dense vampire spine, and Sam was favoring his right arm as though chopping off so many heads in such a short amount of time was giving some kind of hunter's carpal tunnel. “Are we sure...I mean, is Chuck really de-powered?”

“You think he planned for one of us to die in some shitty barn in the middle of nowhere?” Dean scoffed. “Dude. The man's a hack, but he's not that bad.”

“Enough!” A fourth voice—because, really, the vampire clowns had done nothing but snarl since the Winchesters had busted down the door—cut through the air as another figure strode into the center of the barn.

It was, predictably, another vampire. This one was obviously the boss, judging by the way she was dressed—halter top and jeans instead of baggy clothes and a clown mask. Seriously, why clowns? Was someone trying to make this place Sam's worst nightmare?

“Well, well. If it isn't the Winchesters.” The woman flipped a lock of long, dark hair back over her shoulder. “I'm sure you're surprised to see me.”

Dean stared at her for a moment then glanced over at his brother. Sam shrugged. “Right,” Dean said after a few seconds. “You're...the Ringmaster!”

Sam let out a groan and stumbled back to lean against the wall of the barn. Dean couldn't see much of Cas's face but the angel's body was radiating out disappointment. “Come on,” Dean protested. “Clowns? The circus?”

“Enough!” the woman snapped again. “You killed my entire clan fourteen years ago. I've waited a long time for this day, when my new clan would find the Winchesters and we would put an end to them!”

Dean let his gaze travel up and down the woman's body again. She was still familiar, but that wasn't really enough to jog his memory. “Sweetheart, you're gonna have to be way more specific than that. Fourteen years is a long time.”

Cas shot him a dirty look—though whether it was over the sweetheart comment or Dean's snarky tone of voice he couldn't tell.

The woman hissed in anger. “Jenny? I had been chosen to join Luther's clan? You kidnapped his mate, Kate? Killed all of them to get your father and your precious Colt back?”

Dean sucked in a breath through his teeth. Oh, right, he remembered her now...not that she needed to know that. “Sorry. Doesn't ring a bell.”

Jenny gave a shriek and charged toward him. Cas intercepted, easily turning her momentum against her. Sam charged in, the machete in his left hand now, easily cutting through the seemingly endless swarm of vampires.

With a rueful glance at his ruined machete, Dean took up a position to cover Cas's flank. Maybe he couldn't charge back into battle like Sam, but he could at least keep the small fry off the angel's back.

“This reminds me of the place we first met, Cas,” Dean called over his shoulder.

Cas grunted. “Hell was nothing like this, Dean. This barn has no resemblance to Alistair's pit.”

“What?” Dean shook his head. Right, sometimes he forgot about the whole raised-you-from-perdition thing. Maybe he needed to get that handprint tattooed back on or something...if he could face Sammy's teasing. “No, I meant the barn, man. Where I tried to shoot you.”

With a twist of his hips Cas flipped Jenny onto her back and wrapped one hand around her throat. “You also stabbed me,” he retorted. He was on limited power while he was on earth, but he had enough juice to burn Jenny out of existence.

“Still. Memories.”

There was a ragged cry from one of the vampire clowns—one of the few Sam hadn't managed to decapitate in the last five minutes (really, their heads just popped right off if you got the angle right...his high school history teacher had been so wrong). The vampire charged at Cas and the angel wasn't quite able to defend himself before he was driven back against one of the barn's support posts. Dean shouted a curse at the vampire and took a swing at his head.

The machete stuck. Dean swore and tugged it free, then swung again. The vampire went down, but it took a few more blows before he finally managed to separate the head from the body. “Dammit,” he swore, wiping his forehead on his sleeve. “Sammy?”

“Forty-seven,” Sam panted. He was doubled over, hands on his knees. “That was forty-seven vampire clowns. What the hell is happening?”

“Maybe Chuck's still in charge,” Dean theorized. “Cas?”

The angel grunted. Dean twisted around to see Cas staring down at his own chest, then the angel slowly peeled back one lapel of his trench coat. “Oh. I've been impaled.”

It was the rusty bar Dean had narrowly avoided earlier. It was longer than he'd thought, and the tip was poking out of Cas's chest right below his heart. “Cas?”

“I'm all right,” Cas reassured him, though the spray of blood he coughed up wasn't very reassuring.

“Oh god,” Sam fisted both hands in his hair. “Wh-what do we do? Should we call Jack? Do you need an ambulance? Or, wait, a spell? Maybe, maybe there's something in the car...”

“Sam, this is nothing,” Cas protested. He gripped the bar with one hand, frowning a little when he wasn't able to push himself free. “Though I could use some assistance.”

“No-no-no-no!” Sam waved his hands frantically. He'd pulled a bandanna out of...somewhere...and was trying to put pressure on the wound around the rusty bar. “We'll just...we can control the bleeding, and-and Dean can call an ambulance, and they can take care of you at the hospital.”

“Sam...”

“I didn't even get to say good-bye last time,” Sam whispered.

Ouch. Damn. Dean felt that one, right in his gut. That spurred him to action. “Hey, it's okay,” he said, quietly. He placed a hand on one of Sam's arms and leaned in closer to study the wound. “You said it's not bad? 'Cause I'm pretty sure some of that's supposed to be on the inside.”

Cas coughed and the wound gurgled as he sucked in a breath. “It would be a fatal wound if I were human,” he admitted. “But it cannot kill me. It is merely...uncomfortable.”

“There, see?” Dean knocked his shoulder against Sam's. He was worried, too...he would never get used to seeing Cas injured, no matter how long they were together. Especially not since the angel always tended to get the more...dramatic injuries. Like now, Sam and Dean were coming out of the fight with barely a scratch between them, while Cas had been impaled on a piece of rusty metal.

The absurdity of the situation finally struck Dean. The piles of dead vampire clowns. The woman from their past, who had apparently been planning revenge for fourteen years even though they hadn't even remembered her name.

And, most of all, their badass angel-of-the-lord (even if the lord in question at the moment was their adopted kid) in his rainbow sweater vest and badass trench coat staring down at the metal protruding from his chest like it was personally offending him.

Oh. I've been impaled.

He couldn't help it. He burst out laughing.

Sam turned, scandalized. Cas looked on with resigned amusement.

“He-he just,” Dean wheezed. “Like that snowman...just...”

Cas gave a long-suffering sigh and gripped the piece of metal in one hand. With a mighty twist it broke away from the barn's support beam, and with another wrench Cas had pulled it free from his body and dropped it to the floor. His legs buckled beneath him, but Sam caught him and eased him down, that ever-present bandanna pressed to the wound in Cas's chest.

“Oh man...it's gonna be okay, Cas. We'll...we'll figure this out.”

“Dude,” Dean staggered over to kneel next to them, tears of laughter running down his face. “He's fine, just...just let it go.”

“Stop quoting Frozen and put your hand here!” Sam snapped, yanking Dean closer. “We need to stop the bleeding!”

Cas just stared at them patiently while Sam rocked up to his knees to apply more pressure to his wound. Dean tried to help, he really did, but the entire situation was just spiraling too far out of control. If Chuck really was still writing their lives he'd obviously gone insane.

Sam peeled the bandanna back to check Cas's wound and there was...nothing. Just the smooth, colorful knit of his rainbow-colored sweater vest. Even the blood stains were gone, as though Cas had never been injured.

With a relieved sigh, Sam sank back onto his heels. Cas pushed himself up on his elbows, idly brushing at the straw that was sticking to his trench coat. Dean picked up the rusty piece of iron that had impaled Cas and flung it across the barn.

“Not today, Chuck!” he hollered after it. “No one's dying in some shitty barn in the middle of nowhere, you hear me?”

There was a companionable silence for a moment, then Sam suddenly shot to his feet and looked around. “We forgot about the kids!”

* * *

Jack sees his father both as a badass unstoppable force, and as the caring dad who always has time for him. Thus, when designing his wardrobe for his current resurrection, he went with the odd combination of cuddly rainbow vest and Neo-style trench coat. Oddly enough, it suits Cas more than anything else he's ever worn.

#supernatural #fic #fanfic #febuwhump #febuwhumpday4 #impaled #castiel #dean winchester #sam winchester #destiel #castiel and dean and sam friendship #jenny #vampires #episode fix-it: s15e20 Carry On #cas in a black trench coat #dean watches frozen #attempt at humor #hurt/comfort #there is one emotional punch moment

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darkdevasofdestruction · 5 years ago

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Hello! :) Here again to drop a Yu-Gi-Oh! ask, because I dreamt about it last night and can't help myself lol I decided to throw in a Seto Kaiba Headcanons request today, if that's okay with you. Some Headcanons about him attempting to win his S/O's heart. I'm wondering how he would go about it! I'll sign my anon asks with this -💙 Don't know if the ask box lets symbols go through, but I'll try! I'm hoping you're having a good day so far! :)

I love you to the moon and back and honestly, thank you so much for sending such adorable YuGiOh requests! Even more, Seto is my YuGiOh crush and this just makes it an infinite times better

And omg yes, that little blue heart is so adorable, I love you so much, please sign yourself that way, dear Blue Heart Anon

Okay Okay, so we’re talking about the most over the top guy in the whole universe, so basically, he will to A N Y T H I N G to win your heart over.

And I mean it.

He was extra enough to create and pilot a Blue Eyes White Dragon (BEWD for short) plane, so like

???

There’s no boundary for what he’d invent for you.

I want to say that he’d be super smooth and flirty, but I think we all know he’d choke on his words before he could actually SAY what he’s been rehearsing for so long (despite Mokuba encouraging him) so he’d settle for writing a ton of letters that he’d rip apart and burn because they aren’t perfect enough for you to read and truly understand his feelings.

He’d come to pick you up from home extremely random with his BEWD plane and you’d go to Disneyland just to have fun for hours.

Of course, he’d say that it doesn’t compare to Kaiba Land, but it’s a nice change of scenery.

Also, he won’t admit it too soon, but he loves Disney movies, especially watching them with you and Mokie.

But hear me out, the best part comes right now.

After he finds out more about you, he’s gonna make Disney create a Disney movie after you and him and you will be the super badass Disney Princess that is a hardcore gamer, and he is the Number 1 Gamer Prince and whatever the hell he wants to make.

Of course, after this is done, he will make a special place for Y/N Gamer Corner which is basically a huge gaming area, completely high tech hologram like, just like he did with Duel Monsters, and all your favourite games will be featured and available to play there, be it multiplayer or singleplayer.

Literally a dream come true.

You can’t tell me that he hasn’t already won your heart by now.

I mean, all the effort, the feelings, the imagination and creativity (and money) invested into making your dreams (some that you had no idea you had) come true.

And of course, when your heart bursts out with emotions and you ask him why does he go through all the trouble to make you so happy, instead of using his money to make himself and Mokie happy, he says that you’re family to both of them.

And then he looks away and says that he wants you to be his girlfriend (or that Mokie wants you to be around more often).

Of course, he doesn’t want you to see him blushing, but it’s impossible not to, especially when his face is so perfectly pale and gorgeous.

And of course, you accept, because how could you not, he’s the perfect boyfriend.

Very soon, he gives you a matching trench coat so you can match and be the perfect ( E X T R A as F U C C ) Gamer Couple.

Just like you see Jessie and James in Pokemon, you two stand back to back, showing off how awesome you are, in a generic Protagonist ( JoJo) pose.

And Meow is Mokie, of course, standing in the middle like the little sassy mascot that he is.

Be gentle with this guy though, he’s still learning about how to be a boyfriend, okay?

He’s like “Okay, I did everything, but I didn’t think past this point, so I don’t know what to do.”

He’s already had a tough time learning how to be a Dad/Older Brother for Mokuba and a CEO and literally all professions at once, but being a boyfriend is a bit different, especially since he barely experienced any kind of maternal love or seen what it’s like to allow yourself to show weakness and allow yourself to heal through nurturing and love.

But once he sees that it’s all good, he slowly lets his barriers and walls down and allows you to actually be a girlfriend and with time, he learns how to become a real boyfriend and everything comes naturally.

You’re absolute #CoupleGoalz and everybody envies you.

And obviously, your social media is F U L L is couple pics, super high tech stuff, funny videos, aesthetic pics, travel pics and all the super neat things you get to experience, which is a LOT.

#yugioh x reader #yugioh imagine #yugioh #seto kaiba #Mokuba Kaiba #seto x reader #kaiba seto x reader #kaiba seto imagine #Anzu Mazaki #yami yugi #yugi mutou #pharaoh atem #atem #Ryou Bakura #Yami Bakura #Thief King Bakura #Jounouchi Katsuya #ryuji otogi #Shizuka Kawai

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thesummerstorms · 5 years ago

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001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my: For repcomm?

Favorite character:

I mean.. Etain. Obviously.

Least Favorite character:

Kal, but man does Jusik put himself in the running sometimes.

EDIT: HOW DID I FORGET JINART!

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

Etain/Dar, Jilka/Ruu, Maze/Zey, Atin/Laseema (altho I’m very multiship in this fandom so I like some other Atin ships too), Mereel&Etain or Mereel/Etain but only like in a poly or alt timeline au but I saw it and... it works? Even though Dar/Etain is my otp

Character I find most attractive:

I mean, they’re all book characters, so aesthetic attraction doesn’t have much chance to kick in, but Temuera Morrison is nice generally, I guess. And Gena & Izzy fancast Dichen Lachman for Besany & Dichen Lachman is STUNNING.

Character I would marry:

hah. hah. they’d eat me alive. Well. Darman’s a sweetheart, but I could never. Etain is my heart, but I think we’d squabble.

I read Niner as demi-romantic or aro & ace, and I’m some flavor of “wtf is happening” aro & ace, so I could relate there, and relate to the anxiety/grumpiness/feeling responsible but like, idk about long term compatibility.

OR I remember a fmk game one time where I chose “Jaing with the understanding it was some long-distance tax scheme and then we divorce amicably and go away rich/richer”. That still works.

Character I would be best friends with:

I would want to be friends with Etain or Darman or Niner (it might be a lot of fun to gossip w/ Niner, honestly) or Besany but again, my experiences/skill set/ level of interesting-ness are all kinda too far removed from theirs for them to have a reason to give me the time of day, much less bond.

a random thought:

what. the fuck. is. this timeline.

An unpopular opinion:

Unpopular in some parts of the fandom, but not in mine, but like. Kal. If you follow this blog, you know what I mean.

Jusik is three great moments and a whole bunch of annoying as shit authorial morality pronouncements in a trench coat. He had so much potential, but like Kal, lived up to less than none of it. And in his “Gotab” identity I want to throat punch him.

My Canon OTP:

Dar/Etain.

My Non-canon OTP:

Dar/Etain/Rhedian, or if not including OCs, Jilka/Ruusaan. It just has SO MUCH potential.

Most Badass Character:

I think a requirement to being on this main cast is being some flavor of bad ass. Etain the unexpectedly/deceptively tiny but fierce Jedi, Laseema who doesn’t have any military or special background but learns to defend herself and her place in the world after a terrible past and keep up with all the people who do, Besany the treasury spy and Jilka her best friend who corners Hutts for a thrills, any given clone who is automatically a super soldier by default... like... it’s a requirement.

Most Epic Villain:

Uthan when allowed to be herself.

But for the record, I just had to sit and think and count “wait who’s the villain in each book” because with the exceptions of Hokan (who gets pov chapters and is shitty as hell), Uthan (who is ruthless as shit and a major player in the eventual cure), and Ko Sai (who is... Ko Sai)... most of the other folk on the other side of the battle field aren’t even villains, they’re just antagonists and they’re just... there. Which is a major departure for SW when you think about it.

So like, the choices here are only Ko Sai ( *thumbs down*), Hokan (little pretentious pos), and Uthan. Uthan a la Hard Contact wins easily.

Pairing I am not a fan of:

Fi/Parja majorly squicks me out except for when Kaz writes it. but like. Canon Fi/Parja has so many boundary issues that make me uncomfortable.

JUSIK/ARLA like WHAT THE FUCK. Biggest NOTP.

Gilamar/Uthan. A softer nope, because I’ve seen fanon versions done well, but not at all a fan of canon Gilamar/Uthan from 501st.

Ny/Kal because Ny did NOTHING to deserve that.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another):

Hah! HAH! How much time you got?

Kal- not who KT thought she was giving us at all

Jusik a handful of great moments attached to what ultimately fails as a fleshed out, meaningful character with a lot of lost potential

Ovolot Qail ‘suddenly a middle age career woman who can be manipulated by her regret at never having ~children~ as soon as Kal looks at her’ Uthan.

Parja, who has all this potential, but KT uses as a mouthpiece for some sexist/ablelist/uncomfortable shit.

Jilka- she can still be sharp/judgy/social/a tad vain, but just let her and Besany be friends and also avoid actively shoving her in a gold-digger sterotype in book 4 (book 3? when Ordo gives Besany the sapphire) and then a random out of the blue romance with Corr, of all people, to “soften her up” in ImpComm.

Jinart is not a character, she’s a whole bunch of mean shit the author wanted to say in black fur, and that makes it hard to feel at all sympathetic to or conflicted about the gurlanin, even when KT wants us too

Favourite Friendship:

oh god, I could NEVER choose just one.

Niner & Dar and Dar & Fi & Atin & Etain (or what we have in those tiny implied moments) and Ordo & Mereel and Mereel & Etain and Ordo & Etain and Mereel & Besany , the hypothetical SNARK /GRUMP friendship in my head that would be Niner & Jilka, Maze & Ordo...

like... it’s all so good. they’re all so good. and there’s somebody I’m forgetting on my list here, I know it, but I just can’t think of it right now.

Character I most identify with:

I mean. *coughs* Do I.. do I really have to say this one?

Character I wish I could be:

Listen, I admire many of these character’s skills, but like HELL would I ever want to experience ANY of their backgrounds or life experiences.

#Anonymous

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peace-coast-island · 4 years ago

Text

Diary of a Junebug

Getting comfortable at the Cat-Nap Hotel

Back in Nekotown for a pit stop with Elara and AJ tagging along. They’re taking a two week long road trip so they’re gonna spend a couple days at the camp as one of their stops. The road trip was kinda spontaneous but it ended up working out as our camp was heading up to Maron Heights to see them perform in After Hours at the Opera.

Since I got tickets for the last night - the show was playing for a week - and AJ and Elara were gonna kick off their road trip the day after closing, we figured that it’ll make sense for us to travel together. So after the show, our camp headed back to Crescent Moon with AJ, Elara, Kat, and the gang instead of taking off on the road. It was going to be a super long drive and I wasn’t looking forward to that so that’s one less thing to worry about.

Also it was nice seeing Kat again as well as catch up with AJ, Elara, Micah, and Hawk. A lot has changed in Crescent Moon - and things are still a bit hectic but thankfully slowing down, allowing Kat and Elara to get a well deserved break every now and then. Hawk’s still as sweet as ever, geeking out about his latest inventions and just being a ball of sunshine. Micah’s definitely at least a couple inches taller than when I last saw him and while he’s gotten a bit more mature because of everything that’s happened, he’s still as mischievous as ever.

Everyone in the BFF Squad is so wholesome, like they have no right to be like that! This is what happens when you put together a bunch of chaotic cinnamon rolls together - pure wholesomeness with big dumb gay energy. They’re actually five gays in a trench coat - two useless jock lesbians (Elara and AJ), two distinguished disaster bis (Kat and Hawk) and a baby troublemaker gay (Micah).

After Hours at the Opera was very good! I was surprised when Kat told me that AJ was playing the one of the leads alongside her dad. Truth be told, Kat, Micah, Elara, and Hawk chose After Hours at the Opera because AJ and Micah Sr. are the only ones capable of playing the lead roles without having to change the keys. AJ’s got a husky alto with a really wide vocal range while Micah Sr. had some background in musical theatre and is also a light tenor who can go up really high.

Basically whoever’s playing Celinde needs to be able to easily sing super low and super high notes with ease and whoever’s playing Cordell needs to go up high as well as sing a super hard cadenza. So that’s how AJ and Micah Sr. ended up playing the leads and they were fantastic! It’s amazing how much they both improved since their auditions and rehearsal videos. Like they were good in the rehearsals but they needed a bit of a push as it was clear that they were playing it safe even though they can obviously go all out.

In AJ’s case she had no musical training background so according to Kat and Micah’s aunt, she was all over the place. Not sure exactly what she meant by “all over the place” but listening back to the rehearsal videos, there were some parts where AJ sounded like she wasn’t sure where she wanted to go. She had potential but didn’t know exactly how she wanted to utilize it. So Annie offered to give AJ singing lessons to help boost her confidence, which helped a lot.

AJ put on a hell of a performance as Celinde. Her acting and singing were on fire! If I didn’t know her, I wouldn’t think that this was her first show. She definitely won’t admit it, but we’re sure that she enjoyed it a lot. Hopefully that won’t the last we see of her on stage.

As for Micah Sr., he had the chops, even after being out of practice for over twenty years. To everyone’s surprise there’s actually a few decent quality audios of shows he’s been in that are floating around. Hawk put together a compilation comparing how he sounded then and now, the most obvious difference being that his voice has darkened but he’s still able to sing in the whistle register - which is impressive. Because his voice is so light, back then he was taught to sing in a heavy vibrato as his lower range wasn’t as strong. Annie also had him undergo training as he doesn’t sound exactly like he did twenty years ago and it paid off too.

The rest of the cast was fantastic as well! Kat played the Countess, the character who sets the story in motion. Micah, Elara, and Hawk were Teddy, Mara, and Thomas, three dancers who are intrigued by the mystery of the infamous countess after falling victim to her schemes. It was also nice to see Chip as Andre, the new manager who doesn’t know what’s going on half the time, and Elaina as Christina, no-nonsense the head of the theatre.

So the story’s about this dancer named Celinde who befriends Cordell, a stagehand who’s surprisingly chummy with Christina. While preparing for a show, strange things happen, prompting the dancers to blame it on the Countess’s ghost. The mystery of the Countess and her untimely death is a well known story based on something that happened at the opera years ago. Celinde suspects that Cordell may know more than he’s led her to believe so she begins poking around.

Then shenanigans happen as Celinde finds herself wrapped up in the Countess’s schemes in terrorizing the dancers. She learns that Cordell sort of acts as an accomplice but he too doesn’t know much about the ghost who haunts the opera. While keeping the Countess company, Celinde and Cordell investigate the past. Of course, they find some skeletons along the way, some which have to do with Cordell’s past that he tried to avoid.

If I had to choose, the strongest thing about the show is the friendship between Celinde and Cordell. The actors are the ones who make or break it and AJ and Micah Sr. really knocked it out of the park! AJ’s a spunky and inquisitive Celinde who plays off well with Micah Sr.’s reserved and head-in-the-clouds Cordell.

There’s also side plots involving Andre not fully realizing what he signed up for when he became manager, Christina worrying about Cordell, and the Countess messing with the dancers.

Kat made the right call when it came to the two leads. Not only they were amazing singers, they also have great chemistry. It’s hard to believe that AJ was intimidated by Micah Sr. at first because of his status but then she (and the others) realize that he’s a lot like Kat. So he’s a powerful badass who has the ability to incinerate you if you mess with his kids but he’s also a goofball who takes care of everyone. Both have gone through a lot of shit - much like everyone else in the gang - so that was something they were able to initially find common ground in.

AJ wasn’t exaggerating when she said it’s like there’s two Kats now. The minute I met her dad it’s like yup, they’re totally related. It’s interesting how much Kat and Micah take after their dad even though he was missing for most of their lives as Kat was so young and Micah wasn’t even born when he disappeared. It’s so sweet seeing the three of them together but also sad because Evangelina’s not there with them.

After spending a fun night at the castle where things totally didn’t get out of hand and Elara did not manage to get a sword or two stuck in the ceiling. Just a bunch of pure, wholesome late night shenanigans.

Then this morning Kat gave us a tour around the castle grounds and village. There’s still a lot of reconstruction going on but they’re in the early stages of wrapping up. A lot of other places in the district are at the same stage. At the center of town square will be memorial for those who lost their lives in the rebellion so when that’s finished, there’ll be an unveiling ceremony.

We took off around noon and spent several hours on the road before stopping by Nekotown for the night. By luck, we managed to snag a reservation at the Cat-Fe for a late night dinner as it’s less busy around that time so the wait wasn’t as long. The food’s still as amazing as ever and there’s no better way to introduce Elara and AJ to Nekotown than by dining out at their most famous restaurant! Also, it was super cute seeing them get distracted by the cuteness and the kitties.

Spending half the day on the road makes your energy levels off so we spent a couple hours walking the streets of Nekotown shopping, sightseeing, and catching up with some friends. We didn’t expect it to get so late so soon but we had a good time stretching out legs and taking the time to enjoy our surroundings.

I’ve never seen Elara and AJ so relaxed as well as being so cute and openly affectionate. Even after everything they’ve been through, after their complicated history together, they’re proof that there’s still hope that things can and will get better. With the past finally behind them and their future slowly coming together, I know that they’re gonna be all right.

The Cat-Nap Hotel is just as comfy and cozy as the reviews said it was. This was exactly what I needed after being in an RV for so long! I’m definitely gonna get a good night’s sleep in this bed. Also the furniture is so cute, like just being in this room makes me feel all cutesy and happy. I wonder if Rover and/or Katie helped with the room designs. I know a bunch of cat villagers who would totally dig this hotel - too bad I can’t invite all of them or else the entire place would be booked for a very long time.

There’s still so much of Nekotown that I hadn’t explored yet and just when I thought I saw everything, there’s more to see. Good thing we’re not taking off the road until tomorrow evening so that means we have more time to enjoy Nekotown.

Next time we stay at the Cat-Nap Hotel, we’re gonna spend at least a couple days there. As much as I’m looking forward for the next few days, I don’t think one night is enough to spend at such a cute and cozy hotel!

#animal crossing #animal crossing pocket camp #Diary of a Junebug #headcanon ramble

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zankivich · 6 years ago

Text

Neighbors: Shawn x Plus Size Reader Chapter 10

a/n: don’t get mad at me. She’s long af. but this was incredibly important for me to write and I wanted to do it justice, and that meant take the time to let this character feel and allow the space to feel pain and to feel defeated. I wanted to show that even the most confident of people can and do struggle under scutiny and that being a confident fat woman isn’t any different. Shit’s hard ya know? Idk I love this a lot. so I hope you love it too? K bye.

*y/n’s pov*

“I don’t know. I don’t like it. I don’t like the lace, I don’t like the length, I don’t like the belt; I don't like anything about it.” You huffed.

Stu nodded. “Baby girl we’ve been at this for hours though. I once saw your boyfriend suck your face because you yawned too cute. I don’t think the dress is going to matter.”

“Ugh, men. You could not be more wrong right now. The dress means everything Stu!”

New Year’s is quite the ordeal. Instead of having it at the apartment it gets switched to a bigger venue in toronto. All of a sudden it’s a lot of industry people and all of Shawn’s family and friends. And it’s beautiful and wonderful, but you can’t help but notice that your part of the guest list is significantly smaller. You invite some friends from the office, and Stu and Bryan of course. At the time, when Shawn had asked, You had said yes with no hesitation, but it hadn’t occurred to you that things were a little more complicated than that. This was the official presentation of you as a couple. Shawn’s performance though pre-recorded, meant buzz, meant there were gonna be a lot of people just looking in your direction all night.

No one still really knew who you were. You and Shawn had never been seen together outside of Toronto and besides the occasional grainy selfie, you were still very much a concept more than a person for a lot of people. The world knew Shawn Mendes was dating someone, they didn’t know that someone was you, and you knew in your heart that this night was going to change all of that.

“You know people are gonna be confused.” You sighed plopping down beside your best friend on one of the couches outside the dressing room.

“Confused about what?”

“Confused about why American Canadian sweetheart Shawn Mendes is dating some fat marketing exec with a baking problem.” You mumbled picking at the material of dress number fifteen.

He sighed. “Is that all you are? Do you think that’s all that matters?”

You groaned in frustration. The problem with being a confident fat woman is they want you to always be a confident fat woman. Even if that’s an expectation that they never have of anyone else. You gotta be a hundred percent always. You were flawed in more ways than one.

“No. Of course not. And I don’t...I don’t care what the world fucking thinks of me. I just want him to be happy and I don’t wanna make his life more difficult. And yea maybe I don’t wanna see the internet rip me to fucking shreds. We know more than anyone how ruthless people can be, Stu.”

“Yea, I know.” He murmured leaning his head against yours. “If the dress needs to matter today, then we can let it matter okay? I just want you to be happy, kiddo.”

“Thank you….. Thank you.”

You go to a different store in between a mini crying session in the dressing room, and shared pretzel bites. There’s a dress that’s all sheer and sparkly rhinestones. It’s black and it’s seethrough and the neckline comes up around the neck almost like a choker. It’s much more adventurous and risque than you feel in that moment so there’s a big hope that it’ll somehow just work itself out.

Back in your apartment however, Shawn sat perched up on your couch playing guitar without a care in the world. You definitely spent more time in Shawn’s apartment, but something about seeing him in your space always made you feel warm inside. And when he put his guitar to the side and pulled you to straddle his lap instead, you simply melted before him. Ugh.

“How was shopping?” He murmured lips pressing staccato, gentle kisses to your neck and shoulder.

You snorted. “I’d say it was the worst experience ever, but every time I go shopping is the worst experience ever so.”

“What happened?”

“It’s nothing. Store’s just aren’t really designed for me. I usually shop online but I wanted this to be special. My mistake.”

He frowned, fingers kneading softly into your back, over your ass, and down to your thighs. God was he annoying and perfect.

“I’m so sorry. Do you want me to make you a new store?” He asked. “Cause I would.”

You grinned reaching to cradle his face in your palms.

“You do a really good job of making me feel like my worries are really dumb. Have I ever told you that?”

“You haven’t. But you also don’t tell me your worries very often. You wanna talk about it?”

You shrugged your shoulders softly, lips jutting out stubborn as you imagined a child probably would.

“Mmm.” You mumbled.

“Mmm?” He smirked mimicking you. “Please? I just wanna help.”

“You didn’t tell them.” You admitted softly.

“Tell who, what?”

“You never told the world that I’m big. And tonight everyone’s gonna know.” You sighed. “And I don’t care. At least I’m trying not to but I just...they’re not gonna think I’m good enough. I know they aren’t. And they’re gonna be confused and probably disappointed. And I’m just...I don’t know. I don’t know what I am. I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” He breathed tugging your chin down so that your eyes met. “It’s okay. You never have to apologize to me about how you’re feeling.I didn’t think about how public tonight would be. I’m sorry for that. I just want you to be with me, because I love you, and I wouldn’t want to have this night without you. If you don’t feel comfortable going, we don’t have to go.”

You snorted. “Shawn, it’s your party.”

“It’s our party, first of all. And second of all everyone’s showing up for the booze and the food anyway, I doubt they’d notice our absence. I’ll do whatever makes you happy. I told you I don’t want my life to be a burden on yours, y/n.”

“You’re not a burden to me, ever.” You promised. “I’m not skipping either. I don’t let shit like this get to me. I guess it was just on my mind. And I couldn’t help it.”

His arms snaked around your waist, chin coming to prop on your shoulder. He looked at you with kind and gentle eyes, your heart soaring at the sight. Rude.

“It’s okay. I always want you to tell me what’s on your mind. You know that right?”

You nodded softly nuzzling your nose against his.

“Can I see your dress though? I wanna know how pretty my baby’s gonna look tonight.”

It gets your mind off of the negative, which was almost definitely his aim.. And instead of going back to playing guitar he wrestles you down to the couch in favor of playing you like his favorite instrument instead. And when his head falls between your thighs, he spends extra time loving the very parts of you you’d found problem with an hour ago. His hands traced lovingly at your stomach, thumbs touching stretch marks, molding to the curve of your skin. Shawn didn’t make you feel beautiful. Instead he seemed to hold a mirror to your very core and ask you to see yourself as you were, as he saw you. He showed you a beauty that had always been there, and only made it more special because you knew he was always willing to help you remember when you forgot. That meant everything to you.

“Can’t wait to kiss you at midnight.” He murmured hands skipping along the waist of your dress. “I’m gonna be the luckiest guy in the room tonight.”

You were standing in front of the mirror back pressed firmly to his chest and you smiled at his reflection.

“You’re too good to me. I don’t deserve it.”

“On the contrary, I think you deserve the world.”

At the door Shawn helps you into the beautiful, sleek trench coach that he got you for Christmas. You help him into the similarly beautiful burberry wool trench coat you got him. You like to think that the two of you look very mature and badass standing side by side. It’s a nice thought.

The venue is full of black and gold balloons. Cheap, cheesy decorations cover every inch of the bar and dance floor. The room is already full of classic New Years energy and there’s barely anyone there yet besides the people still setting up and Shawn's family who somehow made it before even you.

“Babe come see the photo booth!” Shawn murmured excitedly tugging at your fingers until you stumbled towards the booth.

He plopped you onto his lap and quickly smothered your lips in a kiss to stemi any protest you surely would have given him. His hands grabbed at your thighs and he nuzzled your head softly towards the camera.

“Don’t argue with me honey, just take a picture with me.” He hummed.

Rude.

Suddenly there’s more people there than you think you’ve ever met in your life. Shawn is like the popular guy at school, which is genuinely comical because he’s the dorkiest man you’ve ever met, but everyone wants a piece of him. He spends an hour taking pictures with people you’ve never seen before. Some of them seem like good friends if the way he hugs them and laughs with them is anything to go off of. Women in scantily clad outfits grip him a tiny bit longer than necessary, or smile in a way that seems to push their bodies closer towards his. You don’t find yourself nearly as jealous as you did at the bar on halloween. Something about knowing you’re together and knowing where you both stand allows you to be a little bit more of a grownup. He loves you and you know that and so there isn’t any reason to be jealous. Especially not when he’s drunk and soft and affectionate and all of that gets directly thrown at you and no one else.

You were standing at the bar nursing this very delightful long island when a hundred and sixty pounds of Canadian attached itself to your back.

“Babe!” Shawn snickered directly into your ear. “Baby, I missed you so much.”

Stu had a very amused expression on his face that was full of sass and was very annoying.

“I just saw you thirty minutes ago. What the hell did you drink since then?”

“Brian wanted to do a round of shots. I did three.” He giggled.

Jesus.

“Wonderful. Remind me to get Brian to carry you to bed later.”

“I’d much rather you carry me to bed. But that’s beyond the point. I’m ready to dance with you now.”

This gave you pause. You turned to your boyfriend, tugging his arms from around your neck and took his face carefully in your hands.

“This is important, Shawn. Listen to me. You may have been roofied.”

He snorted. “I wasn’t roofied. I just...I know tonight means a lot to you, and I know it’s scary being here with all these people and I wanna--I wanna even the playing field. I wanna dance with you.”

It is maybe the sweetest thing that anyone has ever offered you in your life. So much so that you’re sort of at a lost for words. You’d never really thought about dancing with Shawn. It wasn’t something he was interested in and that was okay. Stu was a total slut on the dance floor and dancing the night away with him was often the best nights of your life. But, here he was, this annoyingly perfect man offering to do what you wanted to do for literally no other reason in the world than to make you happy?

“What factory did they make you in?” You mumbled fingers reaching up to skim his chin.

He only smiled wider. “Maybe I was made just for you. Now come show me how to dance.”

He stumbles on the edge of the last step to the dance floor and it occurs to you that perhaps there’s a reason Shawn doesn’t dance. And maybe even on top of that, adding alcohol is not going to make things go any better . . .

You’re right. Holy shit he was awful. Some people dance like they have two left feet. Shawn on the other hand was dancing like he had a third foot that had somehow got added. But he’s drunk and he’s happy and he’s just trying to make you smile so literally none of it matters. Because when he notices that a six foot tall man doing the cabbage patch dance bring tears of joy to your eyes, he only does it longer. Because it makes you happy. Because he makes you happy. And he’s not thinking about all the people in the room or what they might think of him because this, this thing that’s happening right now is just between the two of you. And that feels really fucking special.

“Hey!” You shout over the music pulling him into your arms to stop the dancing. “I love you.”

“I love you too!” He beamed. “Only wanna make you happy.”

He’s sweaty and his curls are flopped in his eyes and his cheeks are so red and so soft and you’re so gone on him. How are you this gone on him?

“You do.” You assure him putting your head playfully against his. “Jesus, you do.”

“Will you do something that’ll make me happy?”

He eyed your mouth and without even mentally registered you worked to wet your lips.

“Of course.”

“Will you come drink with me? Need you to get on my level right now.”

Your hands mapped playfully at his broad chest as he seemed to rock you both back and forth on the dance floor as opposed to any sort of synchronized movement.

“How come?”

“Because I wanna have fun tonight. I want to have fun with you tonight. Please?”

Well when you put it like that?

“Tequila?” You grinned.

“Tequilla!”

What’s the worst that can happen?

*Three hours later*

“MY LONELINESS IS KILLING ME--”

“AND I!”

“I MUST CONFESS I STILL BELIEVE--”

“STILL BELIEVE!”

“WHEN YOU’RE NOT WITH MY I LOSE MY MIND”

“GIVE ME A SIIIIIIIIIIIIIGN! HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!”

You slapped your boyfriend’s ass in front of his entire family and all of his friends. His very rich, powerful friends. Your boyfriend also very much bent over to receive the slap that you were administering. Tequila, friends.

“Babe, hear me out… I think we should go on tour together! We sound incredible.”

“Holy shit you’re right!”

You both bust out laughing because it’s clear that you sounded absolutely terrible. But, you’re drunk and happy and in love, so who gives a fuck? After karaoke time, you wind up back on the dance floor. Shawn is completely in his element, the big, goofy man you’d fallen for, and it’s so much fun. You’re not thinking about any one around you. Not the beautiful women, or the music executives, or the snapchat stories. It’s just the two of you, and some friends, and music. The way it should be.

It’s barely eleven o’clock when you’re both collapsed in one of the booths back away from all the commotion. Tequila really was a hell of a liquid, and probably should be kept far far away from people. It really made you do ridiculous things. Like straddle, your more than happy boyfriend in the middle of a public ass party. He grinned dopely at you and held you against him, his large hands grabbing wonderfully at your ass. What a shit show.

“Hey,” He sighed head flopping against your shoulder. “Thank you so much for coming with me tonight. I’m having so much fun.”

You giggled and kissed his forehead.

“Yea?”

“Yea….Look I--I always care what people think about me, and I always worry about everything around me but...when I’m with you I don’t care about any of that. So, I don’t care if I look dumb, just as long as I’m with you.”

“Well you don’t look dumb. You look happy. It’s a really good look for you. I just want you to be happy.”

“Then stay with me.” He mumbled pulling you even closer. “Stay.”

“Mkay.”

It wasn’t midnight yet, but you and Shawn worked on some fireworks of your own. It felt right to sit there, plum on his lap with his hands drawing circles into your back, or holding your face preciously in his hands to kiss you better. It felt less sloppily dunk, and more loving, more passionate. Like just being together was nourishing for the both of you. Like there was no reason to be partying when you could just be together instead.

When the clock strikes midnight you’re actually just tucked away in a corner, completely wrapped up in one another. If it’s any indication of how the new year will be, you can’t help but think maybe things will be alright after all.

*Shawn’s point of view*

The first day of the new year finds her in his bed and it’s everything he’s ever wanted. They’re less hungover than the first night they met, no vomiting to be had, so he can’t help but plaster himself against her body. She’s still naked from when they’d stumbled inside, drunk and hungry for each other. There’s a bloom of blues and purples on the side of her left breast and down the side of her stomach where he’d hadn’t been able to get enough. His mouth touches lightly at the skin watching her slowly wake up for him.

She hummed softly legs falling open for him to slide between. The skin of her stomach and thighs is so soft and smooth, his spine straightens when he slides against her. She’s just staring at him with sleep and lust filled eyes. How is he already hard?

“Morning.” She whispered a smile touching her face.

“Happy new year.”

Her fingers grace his hip before wrapping firmly around his hard on, and it feels just as good as it always does.

“Hmmm, again?”

“Sorry.” He whined hips bucking into her hand. “I just can’t get enough of you. I’m not usually like this, I swear.”

“Are you apologizing for wanting to have sex with me?”

“No? Yes? Maybe? I cannot think straight when my dick is in your hand, woman.”

“Yea? Would putting it in my mouth help at all?”

“I don’t know, but I think we should definitely give it a try!”

She gives him head in a way he’s never had before. For something she claims not to love, it is truly magical the way she moves her lips. Her mouth is warm and wet and she sucks him firm and sloppy. And every now and again, she’ll touch a spot right beneath his balls that without fail always makes him nearly blow his load. It’s so rude. And so fucking good.

When she slides off with a squelching plop and peers up at him with spit glistened lips, his brain completely melts.

“I’m wet as hell right now. Get in me.”

He nearly tumbles out of the bed reaching for the condoms in the bedside table. It would’ve been almost embarrassing if not for the immediate dread that descends upon him when there is nothing in his bed side table but an empty box. Fuckin tequlia.

“Goddammit!”

Her legs came up to wrap around his hips and her tongue is tracing his nipple like she’s painting a fucking work of art and WHY ARE THERE NO CONDOMS?

“What’s wrong baby?

He groaned tossing the box to the other side of the bed and gripping firm at one of her thighs around him.

“We’re out of condoms.”

She sucks a mark into his left pec, teeth grazing his nipple again, as if he did not just tell her the worst news in the whole wide world.

“Baby, did you hear me?”

“Mhm. Let’s just do it without one.”

His eyes widened quickly leaning his body above her to see her face better.

She giggled. “I love it when you plank on top of me.”

“I’m sorry, did you just suggest we have sex without a condom? You? The sex health queen? You once yelled about contraception to a bunch of random people in the club.”

“Trust me they needed it. And whenever I’m with new partners I always use condoms. Always. However, I’m on the pill too, and at this point I think I know you don’t have anything, so...why not?”

“I...I’ve never done it without one before.”

“I hear it’s pretty great. But we might not ever know as my vagina gets a little dryer every second we sit here talking about it.”

He bit his lip, hips dipping to skim against hers.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m so sure,” She hummed. “Put it in me.”

His friends had told him stories. They were dumbass stories and he’d never quite believed them. Something about the pull out method and the fact that without the condom it was supposed to be this otherworldly experience. He thought they were just idiots who were too lazy and stupid to put a condom on. Honestly he’d probably still stand by that rational but… the moment he slips inside of her is maybe the greatest physical pleasure he’s ever known. And he’s got no fucking clue how to handle it.

“Holy fuck, y/n.” He whimpered face digging desperately into her neck. “It feels so good.”

She giggled, just simply giggled, but the way it moved her body had him clenching up and grabbing roughly at her hips.

“W--Wait don’t move! Goddamn.”

“Are you close right now?”

“Y/n...I have never been this close in my life.”

She laughs again and without any conscious understanding he covers her mouth with his hand.

“Baby you can’t laugh, I’m gonna cum.”

Her eyes widen and she clenches down on him and he’s pretty much done for then.

“I’m sorry!” She sighed as his hips stutter again. “I didn’t know you covering my mouth would get me going, although that is definitely something we should explore at some point.”

He clenched the blankets in his fist and tried to take deep breaths, but even the way she was blinking at him was hard to watch. He felt like a teenaged boy all over again, completely not in control of his own body. It was all her, and her glorious, magnificent body’s fault.

“Look it’s okay. Just take care of yourself right now. I can tell you need it. We can worry about me later.” She hummed.

He snorted. As fucking if.

His girlfriend was a woman of many needs. And as sweet as it was to think she might grant him an orgasm, he knew better than to ever not reciprocate. So, he did only what he could. He attempted to make her have a mind shattering orgasm in five minutes or less.

He gripped so tight at her hips that there were bound to be marks when he was done, hips shuffling around in small instances trying to locate her g-spot much earlier than he usually would. Similarly, her fingers held roughly at his ass guiding him where she needed him to go and singing his praises when he did. Usually their love making was a little gentler. He was really into passion and holding each other close and orgasms that had them crying out into each other’s mouths. This. This was different.

Even in a state that felt like he was constantly one thrust away from losing it, he still was so her centered. It wasn’t about him getting to “finally” cum. It was about how good he could make her feel. And something about the time crunch meant he was more focused on her than ever. He just wanted her to feel the way that she made him feel.

When he finds that spot that has her toes curling against the back of his thighs, he grits his teeth and leans up to grab the headboard as he slams into her in a way he’s never done before.

“Holy fuck!” She gasped legs sprawling open in need. “Don’t stop. Please, don’t stop!”

He bit his lip in concentration, slotting his leg over her thigh for leverage and pushing deeper into her body. A shiver racked her entire being and it was the sexiest fucking thing he’d ever seen. Her skin was flushed, lips swollen and wet, breasts bouncing with every slap of his hips against hers. He’d never wanted someone so much in his whole life.

She grabs at his ass again and lets out the most sinful sound when he rubs that spot inside of her that causes her back to arch out, and once again his whole fucking world is rocked.

“You’ve gotta cum for me.” He grunted. “I need to see this pretty pussy cum; babe, please.”

“Close. Really fucking close. Make me cum!”

Like that’s not what he’d been trying to do the whole goddamn time.

There’s a moment where he releases the headboard and grabs at her ass instead, flesh spilling from his palms as he gives her everything that he has. There’s a noticeable difference. Her moans get higher and more fragmented. She breathes harder and faster. And then her eyes roll back in her head and she stops breathing all together as she squirts all over his dick and her thighs. And try as he might, which he didn’t, there was absolutely nothing he could do at the sight of that but pull out of her just as he came his fucking brains out. He collapsed beside her each of them limp, sweaty, and covered in each other’s bodily fluids.

For a while they just pant and stare at ceiling. He wonders if she’s as fucking mind blown as he is. He wonders if she’s ever squirted for anyone else before, because she’d certainly never done it for him. He also sort of wonders how soon before she’ll let him have a crack at it again, because holy shit.

“Yo….what the fuck was that?” She giggled finally breaking him out of his own thoughts.

He peers over at her and she’s smiling, and just like that he wants to cuddle her into the mattress and never let go. How?

“Did you….was that…?”

She bit her lip. “You made me squirt. No one’s ever done that before.”

“Yea?” He murmured trying not to show just how happy that made him.

“It didn’t like...you’re not grossed out by it are you? Cause that’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt in my life.”

His eyes widened and he quickly shook his head at her.

“No. No, I’m not grossed out at all, babe. All I’ve been thinking about since you did it is how much I wanna make you do it again and again and again.”

She whined. “That’s so fucking hot. Get away from me.”

God he loved her.

When she eventually peels herself off the sheets and scratches at her sex-crazed hair, the bed almost feels emptier at the prospect that she might leave. There’s a small part of him that wants to pull her back, to be whiny and needy and desperate, maybe it’s bigger than he even wants to admit. But, he let’s her leave mostly because he still hadn’t regained all of the function in his body yet.

“I’m gonna make breakfast. You want?” She asked pulling an oversized sweater over her body when the fluids have been wiped away.

He nodded smiling softly. “Will you make those cinnamon swirl pancakes?”

She rolled her eyes at him. “You always want the complicated shit. I’ll make you pancakes if you wash my hair for me in the shower.”

“How sweet of you to think I wouldn’t want to wash your hair anyway, but deal.”

She walked to the kitchen, her thighs--and the delightful little limp in her step--still a beautiful reminder of what they’d done just moments before. As soon as he regained feeling in his legs, he was going to go kiss that girl silly.

He was lying there still in eternal bliss when her scream came from the kitchen. And he tumbled out of bed yanking on boxers and grabbing the nearest weapon he could--one of his AMA awards--because surely someone was trying to break into his apartment with a scream like that. He slid into the kitchen on socked feet only to find his girlfriend staring at the TV with her hands over her mouth.

“Jesus, you almost gave me a heart attack!” He groaned setting his award down. “What is going on?”

She simply points at the screen as if that will tell him everything. And unfortunately it sort of does.

“Shawn Mendes and his new boo were seen very snuggled up at the popstar’s New Year’s Eve party. An eyewitness from the party says they were all over each other. And from the looks of these pictures, they definitely were!”

It’s a super intimate moment of them in the corner. She’s straddling his lap and he’s grabbing her ass in a way that has all of his media training running down the drain. E! News is doing their very best job in making sure their audience can see as much detail as possible. The zoom ins, the continue flash of picture after picture. Who ever had snapped the shots had obviously taken them with the intent to sell, because why are there so many fucking shots of one moment of the entire night?

There’s video of it. Of them kissing. Of her apparently groping him in a not so friendly manner. It’s a PR nightmare for sure. But then it only gets worse.

“Fans were incredibly surprised to find out teen heartthrob Mendes was dating someone not famous, and some were even further confused by the woman’s appearance.”

And then it starts. And they start rolling tweets of these “fan” accounts saying the most awful shit. It’s like her worst nightmare right there in front of her and it’s all his fucking fault because every account has some aspect of him attached to it. Whether it’s his face as their profile picture, or his name in some random order in their twitter handle, it all feels like him. Like he might as well be standing in front of her yelling these terrible things at her.

When Shawn start dating fat girls tho?

I’m so confused???????? Shawn deserves better!

Damn y’all Shawn really out here dating anyone. Maybe us ugly girls got a shot after all?

He can’t turn the fucking tv off fast enough. But she’s just standing there, frozen, like it’s still on. Like she can hear what every piece of shit on the internet had ever said about her. And honestly he knows the feeling. The first two or three years of his career had been hell on his self-esteem, if he’d ever really built one up at all. Every time someone called him a girl, or made fun of his braces, of his hair, or his acne, or his body. The shit ran deep. It cut deep. But, he signed up for that. She didn’t. And that was the difference.

He wraps his arms around her when the first teardrop falls from her eye to her lip. His throat feels like it’s full of cotton and he gulps desperately as her pain finds its way to his heart. She’s shaking. And she seems smaller than he’s ever seen her. Like she’s caving in on herself. And why wouldn’t she? It didn’t matter how strong you were, or how confident you were about yourself. When all of these strangers on the internet are telling you something completely different? It’s only a matter of time before that seeps into your conscious.

“I’m so sorry.” he whispered squeezing her tightly. “Please don’t cry, baby? Please?”

He tried to pull her face into his hands, but she just shook her head at him. She was in pain. And it was all his fault.

“I love you so much. That was all bullshit, you don’t need to listen to them. Just listen to me, right now. Please?” He chanted steadily. “I love you. You are so incredibly beautiful to me. And you know that. You know how beautiful you are period. You’re a complete and total badass!”

Her nose was red, and her whole face seemed to be warming by the minute. He was prepared to go all night. To rattle off every single thing in this world that he loved about her, and there were many. But then, out of nowhere she just...stopped. She bit her lip and took a deep breath, and the tears might as well have soaked into her skin. All of that emotion. Gone. It was maybe the most terrifying thing he’d ever seen her do.

“It’s fine.” She whispered, voice hoarse. “I uh...I need to go home for a little bit, okay? I just--I’ll make your pancakes later, I promise.”

“Y/n,” He mumbled reaching for her as she pulled away from him.

She smiled. It didn’t reach her eyes. Hell, it barely reached her lips. it looked more like a grimace.

“It’s fine. Shawn, honest.”

“Why would you lie to me right now? Just let me help. Don’t close yourself off from me because of this.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I just need to go home for a little while.”

She stopped making eye contact, started gathering her stuff instead. And his heart breaks every time she picks a piece of herself up and tucks it a way. There’s a very scared, insecure part of his mind that wonders if she’ll ever come back. He was so far outside of his element and outside of his knowledge base, that he genuinely had no idea what to do. He didn’t know how to comfort her, he didn’t know what to say to make any of it better. And for that reason, he let her go, let her leave. No matter how much his body itched to hold her close.

He walked her to the door, his chest tightening with every step she put between them, and he tried one last time to get through to her.

“Will you please just...call me if I can help? If I can do anything. I--I can’t even begin to--I’m so sorry, y/n.”

She reached out to cup his cheek in her palm and he immediately fell into the warmth of her touch, gripped desperately at her wrist like it might somehow stop her from leaving him.

“It’s not your fault.” She whispered.

He bit his lip feeling the tears that were brimming angrily at the edge of his eyes.

“How come every time you tell me it’s not my fault, it feels like it is?” He chuckled dryly.

She doesn’t answer.

“I’ll talk to you later.”

“Can I at least hug you goodbye?”

She paused. “I don’t...I don’t really wanna be touched right now. If that’s okay?”

He’s never wanted to cry so much in his life.

“Y--Yea. No, of course. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

And then she’s gone and it’s like she took the sun, and the moon, and her touch, and everything else good with her too.

****

@shawnmendes: friendly reminder that if you’re saying terrible things about my loved ones, I don’t consider you a fan. At all.

His phone and email had been going off all morning, but he figures if he never leaves the gym, he never really has to answer them. His girlfriend hadn’t answered a single text in hours. If he wasn’t getting answers, neither was Andrew. The E! News story had gone somewhat viral and it was definitely a thing now. She was hurting, and despite her explicitly telling him it wasn’t his fault, he hadn’t been able to rid the image of her face crumpling in the kitchen from his mind. He pushed the the incline on the treadmill up another level and adjusted his speed to make it harder, trying to fill his head with literally anything else but her suffering. He’d been down in the gym for two and a half hours and nothing was working. He just needed her.

His phone lit up and buzzed for the umpeenth time that morning only this time it was one of two people he’d actually answer for. He let the treadmill come to a grinding halt and picked the phone in his hand.

“Hey mum,” he panted. “Sorry! I’m at the gym.”

“Oh. Sorry to bother you, do you want me to call back later?”

“No. I uh--I’ve maybe overdone it a little bit today. I could use your voice in my head.”

The gym was completely empty so he didn’t feel so bad sliding himself down against one of the mirrored walls to talk to the only person who might be able to make it better somehow.

“Yea...Andrew called us today. Said he hasn’t been able to get a hold of you.”

He sighed. “Did he tell you why?”

“He did. How is she doing?”

The fact that she asked about his girlfriend made his mangled heart a little less damaged. His mum was just incredible in that way.

He pulled a little desperately at his sweaty hair and knew that he probably looked as defeated at he felt.

“She...I’ve never seen her look like that mum. She’s been so scared this whole time that people were gonna judge her, or think that we shouldn’t be together. And I kept spouting her this idealistic bullshit that no one would care, that it wouldn’t matter. It’s all my fault.” He muttered pinching his eyes shut as the tears came again.

“Oh Shawn you can’t take all that weight onto yourself, sweetheart. You only have power over yourself and over your actions. You don’t dictate how the world responds. It’s not your fault.”

He sniffled angrily. “But if I wasn’t who I was, she never would’ve looked like that. She never would’ve cried like that. I just wanna make her happy, but these people only want to hurt her because of me . . . Mum she wouldn’t even let me hug her this morning.”

His chin trembles a little bit and so he hides his face in his arm despite the fact that no one else is around.

“You and I both know that’s not what that was about.” She hummed softly. “Now listen to me. This morning was probably very hard for her, just as I imagine it was for you. And i think if you wanna be there for her right now, you’re gonna have to forgive yourself for whatever it is you think you did wrong. That pain that you’re feeling in this moment? The love that you have? That’s good, Shawn; that’s beautiful. Focus on that, not on what some box on the internet with your face attached said. That’s not you. The person with their heart on their sleeve is you.”

His mum was his rock. She had been his entire life, and a moment like that just solidified it. Sometimes when he’d been anxious when he was first starting out, she would just call him and talk to him until he could breathe normally again. And this felt like that. This felt like he was a little kid again just waiting for his parent to make it all okay again. The magical thing was that she actually did.

“She left this morning.” He murmured when he could find it within himself. “And I’ve wanted to go to her ever since. But I don’t...I don’t wanna make things worse than they already are.”

“I get that. Do you think she really wants the space?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I think I know every thought she’s ever had. Other times I think I’ve never known anything in my whole life.” He admits.

“Why don’t you go to her. Show that you’re there if she needs it. She’ll tell you what she wants. All you can do is respect that. I’ll tell Andrew to maybe take it easy on you today okay?”

“Okay.”

“In the meantime, I think he would appreciate it if you stepped away from social media until your head is clear.”

He snorted. Andrew was lucky the initial draft of him quoting a Brendon Urie tweet that had in so many words told everyone who was rude to his loved ones to fuck off, hadn’t made the cut.

“Yea I’ll make sure to do that. . . Thanks mum. I love you.” He breathed.

“I love you too darling. Come visit us when this all gets cleared up, eh?”

“We will.”

It’s a long trek back to his apartment. There was a strain in his thigh, that told him he’d over done it. He almost went straight to her door only to catch a whiff of himself and quickly steered his way back to his apartment. The washing is rushed and half hazard. All he wanted was to get back to her. To be there with her. Nothing else really mattered in that moment. Not the label. Not Andrew. Not twitter. And for maybe the first time in his whole entire career, not even the fans. He was really experiencing tunnel vision, and that meant something incredibly important to him, because never had he ever felt that way before. That she was everything. But, she was everything.

When he gets to her door, he freezes. Despite the soothing voice of his mother, there’s still so much uncertainty that it’s startling. He didn’t know what he would do if she asked him to go away. It had only been maybe four hours, but it had felt like days. Every moment that she was hurting and he wasn’t doing anything about it felt like his own personal failure. So he just had to try to give her everything that he could. She deserved that much of him.

He knocked hesitantly and waited with bated breath. It’s perhaps the longest wait of his life.

When the door opens, his eyes do their best to take in her every atom. Her eyes are still red. She’d been crying within the last hour at least. She’s wearing a hoodie he bought her when he’d left Toronto for too long to not bring a gift back, back when they still had zero clue what they were to each other. It’s fluffy and white and the sleeves of it seem to be drenched in tears if the malformations in the fabric are anything to go off of. The lights inside her apartment are off. She still smells like lavender and lime from the night before. She sorts of looks like hell, but even then hell had never looked so good. His whole body ached to move forward, to grab and hold and touch, but he remembered the last thing she said to him and knew that it wasn’t his place at that moment

“Hi.” she mumbled hoarsely. “You made it five whole hours.”

He twisted anxiously at the ring on his finger.

“I’ve been in the gym the whole time. My legs hurt very much.”

Her eyes do that thing where they sort of brighten at any sign of danger. Her eyes look him over for any sign that he might be hurt and he almost wants to laugh, or cry, because who the hell cares about him right now?

“Are you okay?” She asked.

“Not really. Are you?”

“No.”

“Can I come in? I don’t need to be in the same room as you, if that’s not what you want right now. You don’t have to say a word to me at all I just….I just wanna be here. With you. Please?”

Her lip started to tremble and so she bit anxiously at it. She twisted at the door knob and blinked rapidly as her eyes welled up all over.

“Remember when I said I didn’t want to be touched?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

He doesn’t know how to quite describe the look on her face. It was like a crumpling. Like the skin of her face just caved and folded in on her self revealing this profound sadness that she’d been trying to lock away from him, from maybe herself. His heart broke like a scab bursting to let all of the pain and the ugly out again. She brought her hands up to cover her face and mumbled out through her sobs:

“Will you just hold me please?”

It’s the fastest he’s ever moved in his life, scooping her up in his arms that way. He exhaled this long, heady breath just feeling like he was sinking under the weight of her pain. She cried into his shoulder for a long while, so he cradled her there against his chest and just breathed. And he breathed and he breathed as if it might help anything, like it might get her to calm down.

When her sobs turned to hiccups he steered her gently in the direction of her bedroom pushing her softly beneath the covers. She liked to have as many blankets as humanly possible, and usually it had him sweating in the middle of the night, but for now there was no question. She stared at him with wide eyes when he didn’t immediately crawl in after her, so he reached for her hand and squeezed firmly.

“I’m just turning the aromatherapy on okay? I’ll be right back.”

It’s a little water diffuser that sits on top of her dresser. He’d gotten it for her for Christmas, when her old one broke. Eucalyptus quickly filled the air as he made his way back to her. They often times had tried to get as close as two humans physically could. Shawn liked to think they were sappy in that way, but today is a whole new level. He’s never held her so close. Never failed to see where his legs ended and hers began. Never intertwined their fingertips with such ferocity. But she needs him. And so he’s there. It’s just that simple.

“Will you do me a favor?”

He peered down at her, big brown eyes doing him in immediately.

“Anything.”

“Will you just sort of….smother me?”

“I’m sorry? N--No. No I am not going to smother you. I would never do anything to hurt you, ever.”

She snorted. “Not in a harmful, with a pillow kind of way, Shawn. Jesus! I meant more like in a put all of your body weight on top of me until I feel like I’m rooted to this earth again, kind of smothering.”

They’d had conversations before. Usually when they were high. She would tell him about this concept of floating. It was a defense mechanism apparently. The body experiences trauma and so it sort of leaves itself. It shuts down to protect the brain, so that you don’t remember. She’d experienced that sometimes in her life, but she never really knew how to come out of it. Her body sometimes didn’t want to. So, when she asks him to help root her, he gets it immediately. And he feels like an ass for making it seem weird, or like something he shouldn’t have to do. Of course he’d root her to the bed, if that’s what she needed.

“Oh. Oh, of course. Yea just...just tell me if I’m doing it right okay?”

She nodded moving slowly to her back and parting her legs for him to slide between. He was nervous that his long awkward limbs would squish her. And he kept trying to find ways to settle against her without hurting her. Eventually she must’ve gotten tired of his bullshit, because she tugged at his shirt until he lost balance and toppled on top of her. Before he could even find it within himself to be terrified, she let out her first giggle since that morning.

“See that’s all I wanted.”

*five hours later*

“I wanna shower.”

It’s the first thing she’s said in hours and it startles him a little bit, but there’s no way in hell he’s ever gonna tell her no.

It surprised him that she asked him to follow, asked if he’d still wash her hair for her. She’s still quiet throughout most of the process, but it’s like she’s waking up, slowly.

The next time she speaks is when she’s sitting on her bed brushing through her hair to detangle the strands.

“I wanna get a piercing I think.”

He’d just pulled on his underwear, but quickly plopped down beside her on the bed.

“A piercing?”

“Yea. Would you go with me?”

“Of course I would. When do you wanna go?”

“Now. And can we get food afterwards?”

He peered at her for a second trying to understand exactly what was happening. Was it a coping mechanism? Was it her way of saying fuck you to everyone? Was she covering her emotions up again? He didn’t know, and he couldn’t help but remember his mum telling him that all he could do was be there for her if she needed and wanted it.

“Can I?” He murmured pulling her brush gently from her fingers and resuming in detangling the strands. “I wanna understand better about what’s going on here.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just...You didn’t talk for hours, babe. Which is fine. I want you to do whatever you need right now, but then all of a sudden you’re up and moving and the first thing you wanna do is get a piercing? I feel like I’m missing a piece of the puzzle here. I just want to understand.”

Her fingers reached for the necklace at the base of her throat, and it made his heart feel warm to see the swallow there.

“I just need to not think for a while. And I thought this might be a way to do that.” She whispered. “I didn’t meant to scare you.”

“I’m not scared. I just want to be there for you. If you want to get a piercing, let’s go get a piercing.”

She smiled shyly and and tucked her head against his. “And food?”

“And food.”

So they do. He takes her to some random shop in Toronto. She spends a long time looking at different studs and different rings. She points them out and asks him what he thinks and even if they all sort of look similar to him he tries to find the differences that might make her happy. She picks out this pretty rose gold flower and this tiny hoop. Suddenly she’s getting her nose pierced and a forward helix on her ear. It’s kind of badass.

“Are you gonna get one?” She asked as they waited for a worker to become available.

His eyes widened. “Should I?”

“Why shouldn’t you?”

“I don’t know...What would I get?”

“Hmm…”

And that’s how he ended up getting a piercing to make his girlfriend less sad.

“How does it look?” She asked wiggling her nose at him.

He grinned and ran his thumb gently along the bridge of her nose. They’d watched a Star is Born recently, and he kind of wanted to run his finger along her nose ever since. She closed her eyes and scrunched her nose and then whined when it hurt to do so. His heart fucking soared.

“You look adorable.” He murmured taking her face in his hands. “So pretty.”

She brought her hands up to cover his and smiled shyly at the ground.

“You sure you’re not just saying that?”

He shook his head. “I’ve never meant anything more in my life.”

“Mkay….Now it’s your turn!”

It hurts like a bitch. She grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers, and he assured her he’d be fine, but like….fuck.

The worker goes to get them cleaning solution and she runs her finger gently along the length of his ear where the helix now sticks out.

“I’m gonna be completely and totally honest with you right now. This is really getting me going.”

He chuckled hand resting on her hip. “Really?”

“Like...really, really. You could totally pick me up at a bar right now.”

“Are you insinuating that before this piercing I couldn’t have picked you up? You’re literally my girlfriend.”

She shrugged. “Yea, but like before the piercing who knows if you would’ve had the guts to take me. And now it’s like...damn daddy. You know?”

“No. No I don’t know. But I have a feeling you and my fans would get along much better than you think.” He snorted.

Shit. It didn’t even hit him that what he was saying was wrong until her face dimmed again.

“Hey, I’m sorry. Babe, look at me; I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t think. I need to think more.”

She was still wearing the sweater he bought her and pulled gently at the sleeves till they covered her hands. She shrugged gently and played with the fabric.

“No biggie. What am I supposed to ask you to never bring them up again, just because they think I’m some hideous, fat slob. They’re at least a third of the way right.”

The worker comes back before he can try to dissect what she just said there, and his phone is ringing, because the world hates him.

“It’s Andrew. I’ve been ignoring him all day.”

“Go, take it. I’ll finish up here.” She assured him.

He reached into his wallet and handed the woman his card, squeezing softly at his girlfriend’s hand when she protested about him paying. Suddenly his phone call was a little more important.

“Hey.” He breathed stepping outside into the cold air. “I’m sorry I went ghost. I just...It got bad.”

“Yea, I talked to Karen. She kind of filled me in. How’s she holding up?”

He looked back through the window of the shop and he racked his brain for a way to explain it.

“I--I think we’ll be okay. I don’t know, her coping mechanisms are much different than mine. She secludes where I just wanna talk about everything. So I’m just trying to understand. And trying to figure out how this isn’t my fault, I think.”

“Shawn--”

“I don’t really wanna discuss it right now. If that’s okay?” He mumbled.

Andrew laughed softly. “Kinda contradicts what you just said, now doesn’t it?”

“Yea. Yea, I guess maybe she’s rubbing off on me a little. But like...this isn’t about me, Andrew. It’s about her. And she’s hurting right now. So, it feels like I should be doing everything in my power to make sure that’s not the case anymore, ya know?”

“I understand. We can be okay with that. Do you want me to update you on what your schedule looks like in the next couple of weeks though?”

“Sure.”

She comes outside while Andrew is speaking and wraps her arms around him. He runs his fingers along the bridge of her nose again, and she smiles.

“I have you back in California next week to begin tour rehearsals and Grammy rehearsals.”

“Next week as in when?”

“As in Monday, bud.”

He looks into her eyes and shakes his head.

“Can we push it back?”

Andrew sighed. “Shawn. Grammys are really important here. Miley was prepared to begin on Monday.”

“I will call Miley and personally apologize. I’ll send some flowers or something. Please, push it back, Andrew.”

“What are you doing?” She whispered eyebrows hitching upward.

“I can try to get you there Friday, but that is the latest I can do. You have to be in California.”

He smiled at her and kissed her forehead, but didn’t answer.

“Friday. I can be there by Friday. Thank you. How long am I in California?”

There are fittings to be had. Photoshoots. Tour meetings. Sound checks. Studio sessions. Meetings with the label. Meetings with Andrew. Meetings with the merch people. Meetings with his stylist for tour outfits. And somehow he was gonna have to to make it all happen. It was just different now. She was different.

He made a promise to talk to Andrew later before quickly getting off the phone. He wrapped his arms tightly around her nuzzling their heads together.

“So, dinner? I guess we kind of missed breakfast and lunch.”

“Don’t do that. What did you just do right now?”

He shrugged. “I chose you.”

“What does that mean?”

“I decided that I wanted to prioritize our relationship over everything else. I decided that you mean more than the meetings or the flights, or the endorsements. You come first.”

She bit her lip. “Shawn you don’t need to do that for me. I know I lost my cool today, but I’m a big girl. I can handle myself.”

“It’s not just for you, honey. I just...I’m just doing what my heart is telling me is right. And my heart is telling me that I’m supposed to be here, right now. Not California. Not in some rehearsal room. Not in a fancy music exec’s office. But with you. So let’s get some dinner, okay? And try to salvage what is left of this day.”

She looks up at him with inquisitive eyes like she’s trying to find a hidden meaning somewhere. But there isn’t one to be had. He simply loved her. That was all. It couldn’t get more honest than that.

“I don’t ever want to get in the way.” She murmured squeezing the fabric of his shirt between her fingers. “I want music to always be what you need it to be, Shawn. I--I’m just learning. I’m trying to mold myself to this life that you have here. And it is...really fucking hard if I’m being honest. And I get why. I knew going into this, that what I am might not make sense for you.”

“Don’t say that. You make all the sense in the world.” He told her fiercely. “I love you. That’s enough, isn’t it?”

She smiled sadly. “I think so. I want it to be so. But, I say all of that to say that...I wanna like, be a part of your life. And so I’ll figure out how to adjust. Just, please be patient with me. You don’t need to change your life for me.”

He let his fingers come up to skim along the length of her neck before he gripped softly at her cheek. Her hand came up to rest over his and all he wanted was to kiss her until the sun came up.

“I’ll try to keep that in mind. Just as long as you keep in my mind that I’ve never met anyone more deserving of changing life around for.”

“Okay.” She mumbled, the corners of her mouth dipping slightly up.

He smiled. “We should probably stop somewhere and get condoms too, because as beautiful as this morning was I’d like to last more than ten seconds with you.”

She rolled her eyes. “Awww you lasted at least twenty, babe.”

Funny.

Taglist: @kitykatnumber @lou-and-me @ourlittleshawnie @mutuallynotmutual @wanderingmendes @peacedolantwins2 @chels-nyc @@illloveyouforever1 @justbeingoceana @grittyisathot @hayyitsfayy @claredolphinbear24 @september-lace @grittyathot @literallyshawn @mchutchmendes

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fic #Shawn mendes fanfic #Shawn mendes fan fic #Shawn mendes smut #Shawn mendes series #Shawn mendes one shot #shawn mendes angst #Shawn mendes au #Shawn mendes x y/n #Shawn mendes x you #Shawn mendes x female reader #Shawn mendes x fat reader #Shawn mendes blurb

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my-proof-is-you · 5 years ago

Text

The Cost of Protection - Ch. 21

Summary: Pain, bruises, and cover-up. You had come to accept that this was now your life. He was cruel, but you had to stay with him. It was the only choice. That is, until you meet the green-eyed stranger that refuses to let it go… You have protected others for a long time. Can you learn to be the one to be protected? Can you trust two strangers that say they won’t let anything bad happen?

Warnings: Rape/Non-con; abuse

**I do not own any images or gifs

Masterlist

Dean

The second Dean woke he knew something was wrong. He could feel that your presence wasn’t next to you—but it was different than if you had gone to the kitchen or bathroom. There was an emptiness there that Dean could feel.

He opened his eyes and turned his head to see a note on your pillow.

Please let her just have gone to the store or something.

Dean opened the letter and read. He shot up from the bed, throwing open his door.

"Sam! Sammy, get up!" He yelled as he tore through the bunker looking for you.

“Dean, what is it?” Sam asked, rubbing sleep from his eyes with hair sticking up in all directions.

Dean rushed past him, shoving the note in his hands. “It’s Y/N, she’s gone. She’s gone, Sammy,” he said, checking every room off the main hallway.

Sam read the note. “What? Why would she do this?” He asked, still standing in the middle of the hallway.

“I don’t know, man. We had a good night last night. We said ‘I love you’,” Dean’s voice cracked, and he stopped to talk to Sam while running his hands anxiously through his hair.

“Wow, that’s a big deal for you,” Sam said.

“I know, man, and probably an even bigger deal for her! I must have scared her away!”

“Dean, this just doesn’t make sense. I saw the two of you together, it’s clear she loves you. And yeah, maybe she was scared before, but think about how much she's changed since she came to live here. She wouldn’t just run away, she’d talk to you about it.”

“Y-Yeah, I guess you’re right. I don’t even know where to look for her…” Dean said, shaking his head and looking at the floor.

Sam put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “We’ll find her man, okay? Let’s just take this one step at a time. You call Cas, and I’ll call her family. Surely someone knows where she is.”

“Okay—okay,” Dean said, trying to calm himself enough to dial the phone. If you left and it was his fault, he would never forgive himself. He just hoped he didn’t scare you away.

You

You sat on the floor of a fancy hotel room, beaten and bloody. Apparently, Rahab liked to keep his victims contained in the nicest accommodations possible.

The second Rahab had transported you here, the beating began. He got off on it, that’s for sure. Every punch, every kick, every slap—there was a smile on his face. He would bring you to the brink of unconsciousness, then, when you were just about to feel the sweet relief of the darkness, he would heal you just enough to keep going.

He would leave for hours at a time—presumably doing whatever duties he had as a higher-up in Hell—and leave you in the hotel room. There was no way out—no doors or windows.

Rahab had left you alone again. You hugged your knees to your body and closed your swollen eyes.

This is worth it. It is. They’ll get my message. They will find me, and they will find a way to kill Rahab. Until then, this will keep them safe.

You repeated the words like a mantra in your head. The thought of keeping Sam and Dean safe was really the only thing that kept you going. And when things were hard and you wanted to give up, you thought that it could be possible for Rahab to accidentally go too far and kill you.

That was only when you wanted to give up, though.

You heard the rustle of wings and knew he was back without even looking up. You felt him place a hand on your shoulder, and all the pain you were feeling went away. You opened your eyes and saw that all the blood was gone.

“Is that better, my pet?” Rahab asked, his eyes glowing green again as he gazed down upon you.

You didn’t respond, your hatred for the angel evident in your face.

“Oh, come now, surely you’re not ignoring me?” He asked.

“Why bother healing me? You’re just going to do it again,” you responded, your voice even.

“Oh because, my pet, a clean canvas is so much better to work on. Now, I have some lovely new torture in store for you today.”

Rahab snapped his fingers and you were bound to a flat table, naked.

You pulled against the bindings but knew it was useless. You looked up at Rahab who was standing next to the table, a long blade in his hand.

“Let’s get started, shall we?”

Dean

Dean paced the room for the millionth time. Your family hadn’t seen you. Cas looked everywhere and found nothing. If you had left on your own, he would have at least seen you living your life without Dean somewhere else. But you were gone. Almost as if you were hidden.

“Dean,” Sam said from his seat at the table in the library. Dean kept walking, mumbling quietly to himself.

“Dean. Dean!” Dean was stopped from his pacing by Sam’s big hands on his shoulders.

“What?”

“We’re gonna find her, man. You gotta calm down,” Sam said, looking at Dean with concern in his eyes.

Dean felt a wall in him fall down. He felt the tears that he always tried to keep at bay well up in his eyes.

“It’s my fault, Sammy,” he said, his voice breaking.

“Dean—“

“No, it is. It always is. Why do you think she’s the first one I’ve ever said ‘I love you’ to? Because if I get as close to anyone as I did to her, they get hurt! I should have known,” Dean said, hanging his head.

“No. I won’t let you blame yourself for this,” Sam said, taking his brother’s face in his hands. “I don’t know what made her leave. But I know it wasn’t you.” He made Dean look at him again. “Okay?”

Dean closed his eyes and nodded. Sam released him, patting him on the back. “Okay. Let’s look at her note again—just make sure we didn’t miss anything.”

“Sam, we’ve read that thing like a million times. There isn’t anything new there,” Dean said, exasperated. He really didn’t want to relive the goodbye any more.

“I can’t do this, and I’m so sorry,” Sam read.

“Yeah, yeah, I told you, the same.” Dean replied, hanging his head.

“I will never forget the words we shared in bed, between the sheets.”

Dean’s head popped up at the phrase. It hadn’t struck him as odd before, since he was so focused on the leaving part.

“Sammy—that sound weird to you?” He asked.

“What do you mean? I mean, it’s pretty dramatic, but it’s not that weird,” Sam replied.

“That’s just it, though. Y/N was nearly beaten to death and refused to be dramatic about it, even when she had a free pass to be.”

“Okay, so what are you saying?” Sam asked, still confused.

“I’m saying my baby left us a clue.” Dean turned and started jogging toward his room, Sam close on his heels.

He pulled back the covers to bed, his eyes frantically scanning the white sheets beneath.

“Dean, there!” Sam said, pointing to a spot partially covered by the blankets. Dean threw them off the rest of the way to see what it was.

Rahab.

“Rahab? Who the hell is Rahab?” Dean asked, looking at Sam.

“I don’t know…come on,” he said, leaving the room. The brothers headed back to the library and sat down at Sam’s laptop.

“Rahab—the hooker of Jericho?” Sam read from his search, confused.

"Why in the hell would a dead hooker abduct Y/N?” Dean asked, his brows furrowed.

“I don’t know, but I do know who might have an idea.” Sam closed his eyes. “Castiel, we need you. We may have a lead on Y/N, but we need your help,” he prayed, his hands held out.

There was a rustle of wings behind Dean and he turned to see Cas in his usual trench coat and tie.

"You prayed?" Cas asked, walking toward the brothers.

“Yeah, Cas. Y/N left us a clue—Rahab. We looked it up and got ‘the hooker of Jericho.’ Any idea what a dead hooker would want with Y/N?” Dean asked.

Cas tilted his head in the usual way he did when he was contemplating something. “Well,” he began in his gravelly voice, “I don’t know why a deceased prostitute would want her, but there is another Rahab of which I know.”

“Really? Who?” Sam asked.

“Rahab was once an angel. He was cast out of heaven for his sin of pride. He fell to earth where he met and conspired with demons. Eventually, his anger toward God and heaven made him obsessed with violence. If he couldn’t get revenge on God, he would hurt the things God loved most,” Cas explained.

“Okay, so we got a rogue angel that’s working for Hell?” Dean asked.

“That would make sense. We followed a demon a few days ago. Maybe it wasn’t a demon. Maybe it was Rahab,” Sam said.

“Yeah, but Y/N killed him with the knife,” Dean said.

“Rahab would not be able to be killed by the demon knife. He would need to be killed by an angel blade,” Cas said.

“But why would Y/N lie? Why wouldn’t she tell us when she came back so we could kill him with the blade?” Dean asked.

“Dean—we never told her about the angel blade. Jeff sure as hell didn’t know about it. As far as Y/N knows, there is no way to kill an angel. She probably agreed to this because he threatened her!” Sam said.

"No. She agreed because he threatened us,” Dean said. He knew that was the only way you would voluntarily leave. It was the same thing you had done for your family.

Realization dawned on Cas and Sam’s faces. “Okay, so how do we find him, Cas?” Sam asked.

“It will be difficult to find him. He’s an angel, so he knows how to ward against being found. I will start searching immediately.” With that Cas was gone.

“Okay, well what are we supposed to do?” Dean yelled to no one.

"We just have to wait, Dean. Don’t worry. We’re gonna find her,” Sam said.

“Yeah, but how will she be when we do?” Dean asked. He just hoped they didn’t figure it out too late.

Forevers:

@malfoysqueen14

@divadinag

@lynne1993

@awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce

@infj-slytherclaw

@onethirstyunicorn

@sammykb1994

Deanies:

@tftumblin

@deans-baby-momma

@akshi8278

@weepingwillowphoenix

@playingdeep17

This Fic:

@my-soul-is-the-moon

@riverdalesserpent

@savannah0111

@sourwolf-sterek32

@justanotherwinchester

@obama-mia

@samsgirl93

#supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural imagine #SPN #spn fanfic #spnfandom #SPNFamily #spn imagine #dean winchester #dean x reader #dean x you #dean winchester/reader #Sam Winchester #castiel #abuse #angst #fanfic #fluff

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marril96 · 5 years ago

Text

The Distance Between Us

Chapter 9: Witch’s Familiar

Pairing: Rowena x reader

Summary: The time for the Halloween dance has come.

Editor: @cherrypierowena

You loved Halloween, you really did, but your idea of it was more sitting in front of the computer as the latest horror movie played on screen than a dance full of people you couldn't stand clad in cheap costumes and getting blackout drunk.

Yet here you were. At school. At seven PM. Dressed up as a cat; furry suit, fuzzy ears, and fluffy tail, all black as night.

You looked ridiculous.

No more ridiculous than the girls dressed as slutty nurses, but still ridiculous.

Your friends begged to differ, but then, they looked no better than you so it wasn't like they had any place to comment.

Sam and Dean had showed up in plaid shirts, worn jeans, and brown boots. Basically their everyday attire, but they claimed to be monster hunters. They carried ridiculous looking plastic knives (which still earned them odd looks from teachers at the entrance, one of whom had demanded to inspect said "weapons" despite their quite obvious fakeness) and had painted on some scars and tattoos on their arms. Dean had given himself a scar over his entire face, stretching from the right side of his forehead to his left cheek. Claimed it made him look more badass. Which was actually, strangely, true.

Castiel was an angel, dressed in all white (including the trench coat). He'd stuck a fluffy halo atop his head, and had on a pair of wings, big and feathery. You were tempted to rip out a feather or two. His glare at having seen right through you stopped you in your tracks.

Meg was clad in black leather from head to toe. Her eyes were full black, courtesy of contacts, and she had on wings that looked identical to Castiel's, only his were white while hers were ink black.

And Crowley…

Crowley had on a suit, one that almost looked tailored specifically to him. A crown was perched on his head, black with blood-red crystals. He wore red contacts, making his eyes look like menacing rubies.

"Lemme guess," you'd said the first thing you saw him. "A demon."

He'd looked at you with such offense, as if you'd just insulted his mother. Throwing a quick glance Meg's way, he'd made a face and told you, "King of Hell."

Because of course he was.

What else would he be?

Stupid you.

You didn't exactly have many ideas for your costume. Dressing up wasn't your thing, especially when it came to school-related events.

Browsing the local costume shop, nothing stood out to you as special, as you. You were there more as a courtesy. You weren't even sure if you would show up to the dance.

Then you remembered Rowena. Remembered her smile, so happy, so bright, as she showed you her dress.

You had to see her in that dress.

You didn't know why. Didn't understand the euphoria that went through you at the image of her clad in it, of the fabric hugging every curve of her body.

That was when it occurred to you that you could be a cat. A black one.

Witch's familiar.

You wondered if she would get the reference. If anyone would, for that matter.

It was silly, really, but oh, well. It was a school dance, not a castle gala. Silliness was basically law.

"Drink?" Crowley asked. He looked around to make sure the coast was clear, then pulled a flask out of his inner pocket and took a big swig.

Whiskey most likely.

You made a face. "No, thanks."

He shrugged. "More for me."

He took another swig. Then another.

Nice.

The dance had just started, and he'd already started working on getting drunk.

"Easy there, your majesty. Leave some for later."

With a sly smirk, he opened up his suit jacket, revealing three more flasks neatly stashed in each pocket. "A king always comes prepared."

Of course he did.

"I'm not driving you home because of your preparations," you threatened.

He held his hands up in a placating manner.

"And I'm not helping you walk. You're not drooling on my shoulder. Again."

One time, a few months ago, was more than enough.

"Thanks for the warning, love, but I can handle my liquor," he said in a modest tone that was faker than his title.

You laughed out loud, right in his face.

"What's up?" Sam asked, breaking through the crowd of costumed bodies with Dean in tow. Both held plastic cups filled to the brim with foamy amber liquid that didn't look like juice.

"Crowley's a drunk," you said. Before the king could utter a response (which earned you a middle finger from him instead), you asked, "Where'd you get that?"

"Some seniors snuck in a six pack," Dean said with a shit-eating grin. He took a sip of his beer, then another before finally downing half a cup.

Beer. One of Dean Winchester's weaknesses, right alongside hot chicks, porn, pie, and Jack Daniel's.

You stared at him like a deer caught in headlights. How did one sneak in a six pack?

You decided you didn't want to know.

They were seniors. It was explanation enough. Just like that time Garth Fitzgerald did something that got the entire school evacuated and guys in hazmat suits called in. How? It didn't matter. All that was known was that whatever he'd done occurred in the chem lab and it was an honest to god accident.

It had happened, and everyone had gotten a day off.

And tonight, everyone who wanted would get to party properly.

Crowley opened up his jacket again, flashing the goodies right in the Winchesters' faces. "Amateurs."

Dean's face lit up. "Crowley, my man!"

Crowley held up a hand. "No."

"Come on."

"You get nothing."

"Don't be a dick."

"I'm proud of the title."

He looked it.

"I'll pay you," Dean said.

Crowley raised an eyebrow. "How much?"

The elder Winchester peeked into his wallet. "I got two bucks."

Crowley looked offended. A flicker of amusement flashed over his face. "Generous, but no."

"You're an ass!" Dean whined.

Crowley sighed. "Need I remind you what happened last time?"

Dean, drunk out of his ass, had stolen and then drank his entire stash. And had gotten so sick he'd almost ended up at the ER.

Crowley knew better than to let his guard down around him. Fool him once and all that.

"I was wasted back then," Dean said.

"And you'll be wasted this time. Not on my account." Crowley shooed at him as if he were a pesky stray. "Off you go."

Dean did, in fact, go away, became one with the crowd, but not before holding up a middle finger.

"Charming," Crowley quipped with a smirk.

"You guys should just fuck and get it over with," you teased.

You knew Crowley would happily take that option. He never said anything, but you could tell he was attracted to Dean. And Sam. And Castiel. Maybe even Meg and you.

Crowley was attracted to everyone. Flirted with everyone. And, if given the chance, slept with everyone.

You still loved him to bits, but only as a friend. He was attractive, and funny, and could be sweet when he wanted to, but he was your friend. That was what you loved him as. Nothing more and nothing less.

"I'm in if he's in," Crowley said suggestively.

You laughed. If he were a girl, it most likely would have happened yet.

Sam, through a laugh, said, "I'm gonna go find Eileen. See if she wants to dance."

Eileen Leahy was a cute and sweet Sophomore girl Sam sometimes saw in the library. They would make an adorable couple.

"Leaves just you and me," Crowley said, cocking up a teasing eyebrow. "Up for a dance?"

"I can't dance," you pointed out.

"You can stand and watch me dance."

An offer you couldn't refuse. "Sure."

It wasn't like you had anything better to do.

Grabbing your hand, he dragged you into the crowd. People were drinking. Dancing. Moving and swaying to the rhythm of the loud, deafening music blasting through the speakers. So many different costumes surrounded you; some good, some terrible, but, despite the quality of their attire, everyone seemed to be having an amazing time.

Without warning, Crowley took your hands into his and started dancing. He was a great dancer. A rather sophisticated one. He moved just the right way. No mistakes, no slip ups. Just good, old-fashioned dancing.

What the hell.

If he could do it, if all these other kids could do it, so could you.

Talent didn't matter.

It was all about enjoyment.

You let Crowley spin you around. Let him pull you in and out. You were stiff, more robot than human, but you moved alongside him, copied everything he did to the best of your — rather limited — ability.

No one paid attention.

No one pointed and laughed.

Everyone was lost in their own joy.

"Where did you learn how to dance?" you asked, shouting to be heard over the music.

"Dance school," Crowley said.

Seriously?

He didn't seem like the type.

But then, it was Crowley. Everything was possible.

"What?" he asked defensively.

"You don't look like the type to go to an extra school."

Or school in general.

"Mother signed me up," he said, shrugging. "Quit when I was ten. Seemed like a waste of time."

Now that was more like him.

You chuckled.

"Still got the moves."

"They're great moves," you said.

He spun you around again.

Right into someone's back.

Shit!

"I'm so sorry," you said.

The person you'd crashed into whipped around, pissed to high heavens.

Then your eyes met and all anger vanished in a blink, replaced by surprise. A quite welcome one.

"Y/N?"

"Rowena," you breathed out.

It took everything in you to regain your composure. She was gorgeous. Stunning. Mesmerizing. The sparkly black dress fit her perfectly, hugged her every curve as if molded on her body. Her nails were painted black, and she wore a pointy hat adorned with spider web patterns.

Dear god!

She was the most beautiful witch you'd ever seen.

"I didn't think you'd come," she said, flashing a bright smile.

Neither did you.

"Thought I'd have some fun, after all the math," you said.

She gave a small laugh.

"How's that going for you?"

"Good. When I'm not crashing into people."

"Och, it was nothing."

Right.

That was why she wanted to rip your head off — until she noticed it was you.

Did that mean you weren't on her shit list anymore? That her mean girl persona didn't apply to you?

What a privilege.

Rowena narrowed her eyes at her brother. "Fergus."

"Sister," he retorted in a rather uninterested tone.

Such sibling love.

"It's so nice to see you guys," Lucifer said cheerfully.

He was dressed in all red, with red contacts and horns stuck atop his head.

The devil.

Fitting.

You flinched, having not noticed him. You were too distracted by the beautiful witch to notice the garbage that came with the package.

Rowena may have become nicer to you, but that didn't make her choice of boyfriends any less disgusting.

"The feeling's not mutual," you said, then turned to Crowley. "Come on, I wanna get something to drink."

"You're leaving?" The devil pouted. "What did I do?"

"You exist," you replied.

He dramatically slammed a hand over his heart. "Ouch. That hurt my feelings."

Good, you thought. Fucking awesome!

Rowena gave you a polite smile on your way back. A tad… apologetic.

No.

You were seeing things.

She loved that asshole and, despite the recent change in your relationship, hated you.

And, for some strange reason you couldn't put your finger on, it made your heart feel like it was being picked apart by dull knives.

*****

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