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astheswarmitcalls · 9 months

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PART 3: RETURN TOUR WARDROBE - FEMCR

This is the third part of my 4-part analysis of MCR5, the Masterpost for which can be found here. Link to next part found at the bottom of the post. If there's something I missed, or you'd like to add your own spin/elaborate on something I brushed over, by all means I'd love to hear it!!

I’ve been waiting a good 6000 words to talk about these next outfits. Since at least the Revenge Age of MCR, Gerard Way’s toyed with gender expression. He’d frequently wear women’s jeans and had long hair for a ‘guy’ back in the 2000’s. And even before MCR, he recounted being experimental in his youth and going to Arts School in drag. Here though, they really take off with that femme expression.

Guy is in quotations because Gerard’s spoke sparingly about their own gender identity, and from what they’ve inferred it’s not as simple as Man. Gender identity can be an incredibly personal, nuanced thing, and Gerard’s stance on labels is generally negative, that they can be used to control/limit you and I understand that fully. They’re a father and a brother and a guy in colloquial terms, and I don’t believe it’s necessary to get pedantic about language in this discussion.

My Chem has always had a history of this extensive performance artistry and theatrical influence in their shows; they play characters from their albums or make up new ones for the stage. This is that again, but very explicitly feminine.

I’ll be getting into this later, but there’s another layer of meaning with these particular outfits that are tied to Gerard’s own gender expression. They’ve talked about finding themselves more comfortable with femininity, and we can see that reflected in the wardrobe of this tour.

I’ve dubbed this category of clothing FEMCR, and it can be broken down into a further two subcategories: Traditional Female Archetypes and Tragic Historical Women. It’s equal parts self-indulgent and performance artistry. I am so fucking here for it.

(And just like the previous post, costumes that were designed by Marina Toybina are marked with an '*')

*THE CHEERLEADER (CHEERARD): “Alright Naaaaashville!”

I’m so fucking excited to talk about this. Cheerleaders aren’t foreign to the My Chemical Romance mythos. There was the bloody cheerleader photoshoot during their ‘Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge’ Era, the cheerleaders in the ‘I’m Not Okay (I Promise)’ music video, as well as cheerleaders in the music video for ‘Teenagers’ and ‘Blood.’ In all these instances, cheerleaders buy into this Attractive, Young, All-American Icon that gets juxtaposed by gory or macabre imagery (i.e. covered in blood, wearing gas masks). In the ‘I’m Not Okay (I Promise)’ music video, their presence contrasts the outcast croquet-playing, DnD-loving nerds that are played by the band members.

Whenever we’ve seen cheerleaders with MCR, they’re there to juxtapose them. Case in point, the cheerleaders with the gas masks in the ‘Teenagers’ music video. Gerard wrote the song ‘Teenagers’ based on their experience riding the subway with high schoolers; they experienced genuine fear because of how violent and rowdy the teens were. Halfway through the music video, the cheerleaders don gas masks, reminiscent of the ones donned during wartime drills and nuclear scares in the past. This creates that unease, that snappy, bizarre satire.

The cheerleader is this symbol of femininity, of innocence, of that Hallmark High School Patriotism. They’re desirable, they’re upbeat, they’re entertaining. They’re almost decoration with the way they’re positioned in sporting circles, there to support the men and be eye candy. The blood and gas masks subvert that innocent femininity, twisting it into something unnatural to see. It causes cognitive dissonance, those things should just not go together. Gerard could’ve portrayed this cheerleader; the pretty, patriotic schoolgirl covered in blood. Giving that seemingly wholesome figure a fucked up twist would seem at home with MCR’s ethos.

He didn’t do that, however. Cheerard is every bit that feminine, All-American figure. The white and green are almost the antithesis of that Revenge Era red and black. This isn’t a modern cheerleader either, it’s a recreation of a real, vintage uniform. Whereas the modern cheerleader may be seen as more of a sexual symbol (trope of the sexy schoolgirl, it’s pretty messed up). The cheerleader uniform is from the 1940’s. I think when Gerard was talking about costuming with Marina Toybina, they had just said ‘vintage cheerleader’ and hadn’t specified what decade. You could look into it from a propaganda perspective, it was rife all throughout this decade apropos of World War 2. She’s patriotic. She’s wealthy, personable, attractive, acceptable. She’s a white picket American Dream.

Cheerard is so far removed from what has already been established of cheerleaders in MCR’s history. She’s stereotypical and tame in her femininity, which is why Gerard choosing to represent this character seemed so left of centre. First and foremost because of how inextricably feminine it was, but also of what cheerleaders represent in the public eye.

At the Cheerleader’s second appearance, she comes out with a flamethrower. I feel as if this could be sprinkling in those little bits of darkness, the small hints of violence. Mostly I just think it’s cool as shit. Both times we’ve had Cheerard they’re also super bouncy, and I thought that should be pointed out too. Those white sneakers and that short dress just brings out Something Else and it’s fantastic to see. Gerard always looks like he’s having the most fun.

As it turns out, Cheerard would only be the first in a trend of Gerard portraying conventional, desirable feminine figures onstage. How do they come up with this stuff? Mr. Chemical Romance let me pick apart your brain, please.

*THE NURSE: “Take your meds.”

Visually, this character harkens back to two MCR pieces: ‘Welcome to the Black Parade’ and ‘The Ghost of You.’

She’s reminiscent of the nurses present in the music video for WTTBP. The album itself has that overarching medical backdrop, and the nurses appearing in the beginning of the music video wear attire incredibly reminiscent of this nurse. Themes of death, grief, morality, and reflection on one’s life all littered throughout the album. Another thing I found interesting about this nurse resembling the nurses in WTTBP is it’s the second time Gerard revisits imagery from their discography; the Cheerleader and the Nurse are both supporting characters/used to establish setting in their respective appearances in the concept albums. He’s not revisiting their established material in the way we’d expect, with outfits that feel at home with or pay homage to the albums. No, he’s specifically portraying these feminine figures that are used to frame and embellish the main characters. Like how the Swarm tour is rampant with the rat motif, but they dressed up as a (sexy) cat instead; still inextricably tied to established symbology but not being lame about it and doing exactly what you’d expect.

No nurses appear in the music video for ‘The Ghost of You’ (unless you count Medic Ray Toro, he’s sort of nurse-adjacent), but the costume itself reads as incredibly vintage. The dress itself is hard to place, it’s certainly reminiscent of white nurse dresses worn from the 40’s-50’s, but it’s not exact. The allusions to a wartime nurse would be at home with the established war imagery present in The Foundations of Decay and the set of the tour. The scrubs of the modern nurse are more or less gender-neutral, but there’s still a large disparity in equal representations of male and female nurses. The Nurse herself appears evocative of a time where nursing was an exclusively feminine career. Nurturing, healing, and tending to another person isn’t thought of as a career for men.

The Foundations of Decay speaks of rebirth and healing. ‘You must fix your heart and you must build an altar where it swells.’ Nurses are healers. They tend to physical illness, but also must maintain a degree of care and empathy with the way they interact with patients. Again, careers that are rooted in nurturing and subservience are deemed to be more suitable for women as ‘natural caretakers.’ Another thought: rats are rampant throughout the tour. What do rats carry? Diseases! Who can treat diseases? Nurses!

The ongoing repetition of decay and rebirth as a theme also marry into the appearance of The Nurse beautifully. The show she appeared too had the word ‘Sick’ written on the drumhead. DESTROYA starts of with ‘I’m sick! I’m so fucking sick!’ Illness and decay alongside healing and rebirth. She just fits so well and looks so good doing what she does, I love her.

There’s instances of Gerard adding in little tidbits in the lyrics and between songs that allude to the character. For the Nurse, the break in DESTROYA was changed to ‘take your meds take your- take your meds.’ It’s mostly for The Bit, because it’s performance and it’s entertaining, When Gerard’s portraying these feminine characters, they have this extra layer of performance to them. As I’ll get into later with some of the other characters, I think they’re purposefully trying to push us to believe these are characters. Again, this wouldn’t be far-fetched. My Chem’s always been a little theatrical, their stories are always multi-medium.

The Nurse? Oh man she’s so cool. She’s got that bright, cheeriness to her. At the end of a lot of the songs she’ll go ‘Wonderful!’ She’s just so happy to be here and I get it. She’s not one of the stoic, scary nurses like that of The Black Parade, she’s friendly and sweet. I love her so.

*JACKIE KENNEDY:

I’ve seen this been referred to the MILF outfit or the Grandma outfit, both of which are fair enough. Others have pointed out that this may be a nod to Jackie Kennedy, wife of President John F. Kennedy who was famously assassinated. The latter I’m more inclined to believe, as although Mrs. Chemical Romance looks fantastic in all of their outfits, I don’t believe this is just another fun femme moment.

While this doesn’t seem to reference any one specific outfit worn by Jackie Kennedy, the shades and scarf are fairly telling.

Also the fact that Gerard and their wife Lyn-Z did a photoshoot reenacting the assassination. He obviously has some level of interest or fascination with the Kennedy’s to be able to revisit them repeatedly.

This is going to sound like some Illuminati Confirmed bullshit, but the show prior was the one were Gerard was dressed in his ComicCon attire with the bullet wound in his skull. Though I said it was a reference to the Watchman Smiley Face, I think it may also be a nod to JFK himself. There’s a few other instances of MCR inadvertently or outright referencing JFK, such as the release of Danger Days falling on the anniversary of JFK’s assassination, and the members of the Fabulous Four spelling out his initials. (Party Poison = President, I assume, the rest are Jet Star, Fun Ghoul and Kobra Kid so just do the math.) So national symbols/presidents/references to American government aren’t foreign to MCR, they may be sort of left-field to a casual fan. Something I am becoming less of by the minute.

This is our first instance of the second subcategory of FEMCR: Tragic Historical Women.

I’m not so knowledgeable on the Kennedy’s, but from my brief research, Jackie Kennedy was subject to a lot of attention from the media following the assassination of her husband. At some point she remarried and moved to Greece, at which point she was bombarded by paparazzi and vilified by the press. She is a woman surrounded by tragedy, that becomes a spectacle to be picked apart by the public. Genuinely, there is a lot to unpack with sensationalised figures like these. There are so many perceptions, so many iterations, it’s difficult to handle. You have to be a certain type of person to find yourself engrossed in stories like these. That’s not particularly a bad thing, I think many people are fascinated by the controversial and macabre, but People are not my thing. Ask me about theme park accidents, and it’s a whole other can of worms.

Another interesting tidbit I picked up on: shows that Gerard Way performed ‘Bury Me in Black’ in their fun little outfits had lyric changes. Instead of the second person ‘I wanna see what your insides look like. I bet you’re not fucking pretty on the inside,’ we had first person ‘You wanna see what my insides look like? I bet I’m not fucking pretty on the inside.’ This shows the shift in perspective from being the enactor of these violent revenge fantasies to the brutalised women on the receiving end.

*THE CAREER COUNSELLOR/TARGET MANAGER (MISS ALPHARETTA): “Alpharetta! Alpha dog! You’re the dog now! Who’s the dog now?!”

IT’S TIME!! IT’S TIME!!!!! I GET TO TALK ABOUT MY FAVOURITE GAL!! I CANNOT STRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS LOOK. THE CROPPED TOP. THE SCARF. THE SUNGLASSES. THE SETLIST FOR THIS SHOW IS UP THERE AS ONE OF MY FAVOURITES.

This look hasn’t been tied to any preexisting historical women. On the drumhead for the Alpharetta show ‘You got the job’ was written, and later referenced at the end of Give ‘Em Hell, Kid by our leading lady. This implies she’s some sort of career counsellor, professional woman, or maybe a hiring agent. I looked at women’s business casual fashion from the 70’s and 80’s, but couldn’t find anything concrete. The scarf and pants read as vintage, but the crop top isn’t reminiscent of any vintage fashion in my research. This costume was designed by Marina Toybina, but the Instagram post doesn’t hint at who this character might be. That just makes it more fun for me, actually.

‘The Career Counsellor’ is a bit of a mouthful, so I’ve dubbed our lovely professional woman Miss Alpharetta. I've also heard people call her the Target Manager, and I cannot unsee it. I’m actively fighting the urge the ramble about how much I adore her. All I’ll say is that she loves Grease, she’s from LA, and that she’s a total menace in the workplace. Miss Alpharetta I love you.

(Also, flagrant self-promo but I made another post headcanoning names for all of the FEMCR characters. Not really MCR5 relevant but it's so fun to me. It's here if you're interested!)

Once again, Gerard Way is subverting that emo, brooding, all-in-black perception people have of MCR with this character that is so bright and feminine. I can imagine there’s some level of empowerment for them to be able to express themselves onstage with these characters. Both The Nurse and Cheerard had some connection to MCR’s established lore, but Miss Alpharetta appears to be far removed from those concepts. Instead, our professional lady seems to indicate a shift in concepts; businesswomen aren’t established symbols in the MCR lore, but they’re about to be. Miss Alpharetta’s existence is reaffirming that rebirth for MCR, not so much as a theme for a future album, but for the actual band.

And just like our sweet little lady Nurse Gerard, Miss Alpharetta is incredibly peppy and enthusiastic, but with a bit more of that unhinged energy. She’s the loveliest person you will meet but maybe a bit of a menace.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT? TEACHER?:

Mr. Way that skirt is so short Jesus Christ.

This character’s ambiguous in what her profession might be, but I’ve seen two titles pop up consistently. From the black stockings and red scarf, she reads as a flight attendant or travel agent. Gerard also made that comment onstage when the leg (mannequin leg covered in graffiti) ‘you can get this at the end of class’, which was likely a joke but could also infer that this character is a teacher of sorts. Personally, I’m inclined to believe the former because this doesn’t read as a teacher to me, but the latter is probably more exciting.

^^ Here’s the aforementioned leg.

Both options are, again, seen as typical/suitable careers for women. I don’t feel it to be necessary to keep rehashing my points at this stage, because there’s not much I can add to this. This outfit Fucks, love you Gee Way.

MANSON GIRL:

This would be a cute outfit if not for the subtext. It’s also likely a Colleen Atwood costume since it doesn’t appear on Marina Toybina’s Instagram. Unless this is a purchasable item. That would be so messed up.

Charles Manson was a cult leader and serial killer from the 60’s. I really don’t want to read up on this stuff because it tends to make me feel sort of demoralised and gloomy, but he had this charismatic draw to him which attracted so many people to his cult. The ‘Manson Girls’ were these women, teens and young women, who were obsessed with him, would obey his every command, and end up abetting in the murders committed.

Dianne Lake, one of the ‘Manson Girls’, who had testified in court later revealed she was 14 when she met Charles Manson. It’s all just fucked up, which is no doubt why Gerard has chosen this specific homage for the tour.

These were mostly young women who were manipulated and charmed into following a murderer. Some of those girls were victims in their own right. They are yet another example of women who are surrounded by tragedy that the media so desperately wants to pick apart. That dichotomy of youth and beauty versus darkness is so appealing to a wide audience. Femininity is almost synonymous with innocence. It is something clean and pure and beautiful, it cannot coexist with cultists and murder.

This also functions as a critique on masculinity, mirroring Gerard’s own stance on Rock culture. During the early 00’s (and likely still today), there was a large culture around ‘groupies’ and rampant sexism within the Rock scene. It was all too common for women to be asked to do provocative things for a backstage pass, and Gerard talked extensively on how much he despises that aspect of the scene. These idolised, charismatic male figures taking advantage of young women who are desperate for their approval and attention is a tired old tune we are sick of hearing.

Double whammy with this one. Maybe the most jarring one on the list, but the next entry is a close second.

*PRINCESS DIANA:

The universally loved Princess Di. In all honesty, I should have my mum write this part because she loves Princess Diana, and she is very much before my time. Since that’s not an actual option, Wikipedia.

Much like Jackie Kennedy, she was a woman of high status and regarded for her taste in fashion. The conspiracies that surround her death are what give her story that element of darkness. She’s called The People’s Princess because she really was loved universally. People who talk about her today were fans from her time, or people who are into the conspiracy of it. Genuinely, I don’t have a lot to add to this one. Yeah, she was a beloved woman who may have been murdered by the royal family. Gerard’s got an aesthetic, can’t you tell?

*JOAN OF ARC:

Gerard Way loves Joan of Arc. During the writing of The Black Parade they would have these ‘waking dreams’ of seeing her burn at the stake. I’d love to insert that incredibly long ramble they have about how much they love her. Actually, I will do just that. From the 2007 Rolling Stone Interview:

“Joan of Arc is my favourite historical-legendary-whatever figure. Number one, it’s a boyish, waifish girl in a suit of armor on a white horse, and that’s badass. I’ve always been attracted to that character because it was somebody who was willing to die for what they believed in, and they were probably fucking crazy and like, touched by the hand of God, and I believe in that shit. I totally believe in that stuff. I believe that it can happen to anybody.

Like when we started this band, there was a brief amount of time where it felt like you drank gasoline and shit glass, and you were always covered in your own sweat, somebody else’s spit or blood or something. And I felt that, you know what I mean? I would make crazy speeches that made no sense onstage. I would talk about purifying flames being shot out of our cabinets at max volume to destroy evil and shit like that. I was, you know, touched in the head. And really, when you get touched in the head like that, I think your job at that point for the rest of your career is to remember what it was like to be touched in the head, and kind of keep that going. ‘Cause that can’t last forever, you’ll be dead, I think. Like Joan of Arc. So, yeah, I love Joan of Arc.”

He just thinks she’s the coolest thing to ever grace the earth and he went on about ‘she was probably touched by the hand of God and was batshit and sometimes I feel like that too.’ The MCR Return Tour was supposed to start on the 100th anniversary of her canonization, but it was delayed due to COVID. ‘Just give is war-worn lipstick blood and purifying flame’ is a lyric in Bury Me In Black, which may be a reference to Joan’s demise. She makes an appearance on the art for the Black Parade vinyl.

So there’s the very meta ‘Gerard Loves Joan of Arc’ interpretation of her appearance on tour, but the religious imagery and talk of ‘purifying flames’ do allude to themes of MCR5. She herself was a saint, which is referenced in the lyrics of The Foundations of Decay. Joan of Arc led troops through war and was an accomplished leader before she was sentenced to death, mirroring those allusions to war that are scattered throughout the tour. Crossdressing was considered blasphemous, and while it was an effective tactic to rally troops, it wasn’t so well-received among the French public.

This may be an exception to FEMCR because her story doesn’t fit so cleanly into the Tragic Historical Women category. Getting burned alive is horrifying but considering the times it’s not out of the ordinary. Joan of Arc was only 19 when she was burnt at the stake, and although that’s messed up her story is never one of tragedy, but one of freedom and feminism. This costume dips its toes into that historical heroine horror, but reads more as passionate homage as opposed to commentary.

If it appears that I’ve omitted a particular FEMCR outfit, I can assure you it is intentional. I’m saving the best for last.

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#mcr #my chemical romance #mcr5 #mcr5 theory #mcr5 is real

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usogao · 5 months

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"To Pimp A Butterfly" Album Review (20240515)

DESCRIPTION AND MUSIC VIDEO

"To Pimp A Butterfly" is the third studio album by American rapper Kendrick Lamar. It was released on March 15, 2015, by Top Dawg Entertainment, Aftermath Entertainment, and Interscope Records. The album was accompanied by videos for the tracks "For Free? (Interlude)", "King Kunta", and "Alright".

Genres: Hip Hop, Neo-Soul, Jazz, Experimental

Original Release Date: March 15, 2015

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TRACKLIST

Wesley's Theory - George Clinton, Thundercat (4:47)

For Free? - Interlude (2:10)

King Kunta (3:54)

Institutionalized - Bilal, Anna Wise, Snoop Dogg (4:31)

These Walls - Bilal, Anna Wise, Thundercat (5:00)

u (4:28)

Alright (3:39)

For Sale? - Interlude (4:51)

Momma (4:43)

Hood Politics (4:52)

How Much A Dollar Cost - James Fauntleroy, Ronald Isley (4:21)

Complexion (A Zulu Love) - Rhapsody (4:23)

The Blacker The Berry (5:28)

You Ain't Gotta Lie (Momma Said) (4:01)

i (5:36)

Mortal Man (12:07)

PERSONAL REVIEW

I first listened to this album in full on a road trip back from a family visit to Las Vegas. To tell the truth, I was incredibly tired while listening to it - both physically and mentally. Every trip to Las Vegas seemed more draining than the previous so I felt like I needed something fresh. A while back, a classmate of mine recommended this album to me, so I figured 'why not?'

The first five tracks of this album were able to place me in a deceptively calm trance and a false sense of security. By using jazz melodies in the backgrounds of tracks like "For Free?" and "Wesley's Theory", I was in familiar territory. However, once I heard the screams at the beginning of "u", I was wide awake.

"u" marks the complete tonal shift in the album. As a whole, Kendrick creates a spectacle of mourning, political controversy, and personal battles with mental health within 'To Pimp A Butterfly'. I vaguely knew this but when "u" started playing, I was awake and I started paying attention. The lyrics of "u" are haunting, talking about someone yelling at themselves while dealing with the darkest aspects of depression while chaotic yet harmonic jazz plays in the background. Once that track ended I kept my eyes on the road and my mind was glued to every word and note that came from my headphones.

Throughout the album, Kendrick reads lines off of a poem, one by one, that he fully recites in the final track "Mortal Man", which is a metaphorical interview between him and the late 2Pac. The poem reads as follows:

"I remember you was conflicted Misusing your influence Sometimes I did the same Abusing my power, full of resentment Resentment that turned into a deep depression Found myself screaming in the hotel room I didn't wanna self destruct The evils of Lucy was all around me So I went running for answers Until I came home But that didn't stop survivor's guilt Going back and forth trying to convince myself the stripes I earned Or maybe how A-1 my foundation was But while my loved ones was fighting the Continuous war back in the city, I was entering a new one A war that was based on apartheid and discrimination Made me wanna go back to the city and tell the homies what I learned The word was respect Just because you wore a different gang color than mine's Doesn't mean I can't respect you as a black man Forgetting all the pain and hurt we caused each other in these streets If I respect you, we unify and stop the enemy from killing us But I don't know, I'm no mortal man, maybe I'm just another [CENSORED]"

I'm in no position to interpret what anything off this album means, as it's not for me. The lyrics of each song speak for themselves, as well as speak about Kendrick's life experiences. All I can really say is listen to this album yourself and see what you get from it.

I originally wrote this review back in March of 2021, a junior in high school. I decided to revisit it seeing as how we’re right in the middle of some of the most investing rap beef of our time. Listening to this album again, now as a college student majoring in Literature, I can appreciate the level of poetry that was put into this. This was the album that won Kendrick a god damn Pulitzer prize. That’s got to count for something.

Like I said before, this album isn’t for someone like me — a non-binary Asian-American kid going to UC Santa Cruz. I grew up all over the place, the two most crucial places of my development being Long Beach, CA and Las Vegas, NV. I can’t begin to understand what’s being described in this album. The fact of the matter is that this album can be listened to by everybody. Kendrick’s writing reaches every and all audiences and encourages them to think, not just about their lives but about their mortality. This album is a challenge to the government and the institutions that keep us imprisoned in our own cages. I encourage people to listen to this and challenge themselves to think beyond what they’re used to.

I can also say that my thoughts are haunted by the simple phrase, “I remember you was conflicted.”

#kendrick lamar #album review #to pimp a butterfly #kendrick vs drake #Youtube

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dreamersscape · 1 year

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Curiosity Killed the Cat: A Dreamersscape Story

Which doesn't seem quite fair, really, considering although I like cats a great deal, you still wouldn't call me a cat person.

Step #1: Love Kakashi Hatake far too much as a character.

Step #2: Scroll through his tumblr tag. Slowly start noticing that people often draw parallels between him and another character from the currently-running Jujutsu Kaisen manga and anime, Satoru Gojo.

Step #3: Think, "This is fine. It appears they're mostly just comparing their similar character designs and they both have unique things going on with their eyes. I'm not seeing anything that's really piquing my interest with this series; I'll just quickly look up if there's anything more to these comparisons beyond surface-level resemblances and that will be that."

Step #4: One of the next things you learn about Gojo is that a common clickbait-y way to frame discussion around parts of his personality is along the lines of, "Does Gojo have a God complex?"

Step #5: Think, "Ah, okay. That's likely an exaggeration, but probably Kakashi and Gojo can't be all that similar, or at least I likely wouldn't feel much the same about them as characters. Now I'm simply curious how far off Gojo actually is from having a God complex and then I'll be done."

Step #6: Did not back out of this rabbit hole at this juncture.

Step #7: Hard to recollect exactly the order of things from here, but learned that Gojo is the teacher for his own group of 3 fifteen-year-old students (and also previously taught older students since he's the head of first-year high school students at his very small school), learned back when Gojo was a student at this same school he had a very close friend who was instrumental in imbuing Gojo with his current moral principles and this friend is now dead, and learned that Gojo is the unequivocally strongest character within his universe's power system, and thus while he has a LOT of confidence in his own abilities and can be a bit cocky and a show-off, he definitely doesn't think of himself as godlike (anyone who's familiar with JJK and reading this--I'm aware of 'the honored one' thing, hang on a sec).

Step #8: Decide, "Alright then. Well, I am starting to get more intrigued by this series. Maybe I'll look up a little more about it and watch the first episode or two. It'll be fine. After all, I get now why people are reminded of Kakashi by Gojo and vice versa, but it certainly sounds like Gojo's personality is basically the opposite of someone who's convinced they're scum and is incredibly unassuming and humble and could honestly use a bit more self-worth so he at least possesses a modicum of self-preservation inclination. Gojo seems to have a lighthearted, goofy side that is partly used as a cover for his deeper emotions, and I might get attached to that based on other characters I've loved, but that still ought to be pretty safe. If I do wind up liking Gojo the most out of all the characters, there's no way he'll put me through the same heart-wrenching agony as seeing Kakashi being a paragon of strength of character and sheer goodness, while inwardly he can't see anything of value in himself."

The thing is, I wasn't wrong.

But clearly, I underestimated the pain I could still experience at the hands of a Kakashi-adjacent character.

(All I'm about to explain is completely non-spoilery, by the way. And by that I mean I'm not going to be ruining any major plot points or the "viewing experience" of watching the anime or reading the manga. Anything I reference that happens at any point beyond the first few chapters, I'll be as vague and opaque about it as possible, as well as very brief. And it will also all be basic background info/set up level stuff.)

Okay, so before I get to the real kicker, let's start with Gojo's dream.

In the world of Jujutsu Kaisen, the chakra equivalent is called cursed energy. However, cursed energy is not a life force. Cursed energy arises from people's negative emotions, and if the quantities of negative emotions emitted by the populace is large and concentrated enough, this creates cursed spirits of various sorts. For example, humanity's collective fear and pain experienced through natural disasters created a cursed spirit out of that resulting enormous amount of cursed energy. Cursed spirits usually aren't sentient, but almost unerringly they cause great harm and often death to humans. The number we're given at the start of the manga is around 10,000 unexplained deaths and missing persons per year in Japan are the result of curses.

Jujutsu sorcerers are the people who exorcize (or destroy, more like) cursed spirits to mitigate that as much as possible. They exorcize the curses with cursed energy-fueled techniques that are unique to each sorcerer. A sorcerer's innate cursed technique (CT) is said to comprise around 80% of their potential/talent as a fighter of curses. We're told that over the course of the last, I don't know, century or so (?) - the date at the start of the series is June 2018 - curse spirits have been increasing in strength and number. However, the incredibly rare combination of the Limitless cursed technique and the Six Eyes in-born trait Gojo was born with is so powerful that his birth alone swung the balance from being in the curses' favor back over to the side of the jujutsu sorcerers.

Details on Gojo's childhood are quite sparse, basically the only things we know about the Gojo family are it's one of the three big clans in jujutsu society and they're very wealthy. As far as I'm aware, Satoru is the only member of the clan we've ever met. So there's only supposition for what his home life was like up until he started at Jujutsu High, but we do know that because his possessing both the Six Eyes and Limitless was the first occurrence of such in 300-400 years, his existence was something of a spectacle and many sorcerers came to visit him just to see it for themselves, and too, he was the target of curse users (sorcerers who use jujutsu for evil and their own selfish gain) in pursuit of the over 100 million yen bounty placed on his head since he was very young.

It would be pretty reasonable to assume Gojo was subsequently rather sheltered and perhaps quite lonely as a child, but at the same time praised and lauded for how he was so naturally, prodigiously powerful. It only makes sense that Gojo has more than a little pride in his strength and puts so much stock in that. I'm sure he really enjoyed the attention and notoriety he received, and he never expresses resentment regarding any pressure that might have been put on him as a kid to be the infallible (future?) vanquisher of curses (although later I do think he places more and more pressure on himself to "take care" of everything and be responsible for the safety of everyone in the jujutsu world and beyond), and yet I do believe it's apparent he understands he didn't get to have a "normal" childhood. As a part of one of the big clans, he was surrounded and immersed in the political power plays and jockeying for prestige and influence by jujutsu society's elders/leaders/'higher ups' from the start (we don't know when or how it happened, but presumably because he's the strongest living Gojo, at the start of the story Satoru is the head of the clan), and these higher ups view Gojo in terms of how he can best be used for their own benefit. Outside of his high school best friend and later a few of his students, Gojo has very few people who have more than a cursory understanding of who he is as a person, who seem to want to know him, not the living embodiment of the title 'The Strongest', but just Satoru Gojo. Gojo likes being The Strongest, but when that's all everyone around him appears to care about, it leaves him feeling very isolated and alone.

As I mentioned before, though, Gojo never complains about this. He doesn't ever even imply "because I was treated this way, I want to prevent anyone else having to go through that." He does tell one of the people he's somewhat close to what his aim is and what the reason is behind it, but it's worded in a way where the person is confused by Gojo's explanation, and we as the reader can't even be sure he's referring to himself, since it could just as easily be in reference to his deceased friend.

It's informed by his experiences growing up certainly, but Gojo's fierce desire to give the kids he watches over the opportunity to fully and freely enjoy their youth is not about regretting what he missed out on; it's about what he can do for them, doing all he can to protect and preserve their childhood and making sure no one can take that away from them.

I realize I haven't exactly explained what precisely Gojo's 'dream' is and how it ties into all this, so I'll attempt to circle back to that now.

Jujutsu Kaisen begins with our main character, Yuji Itadori, accidentally stumbling his way into the jujutsu world by doing something very dangerous in order to be in what he thinks is a better position to help his friends out of a bad situation. He succeeds in helping his friends, but what he had to do to make that happen is an action that is punishable by death under jujutsu regulations. Naturally, Yuji was unaware of that, but it doesn't matter to the sorcerer higher ups. Gojo hears about the situation, intervenes, and is able to get the elders to suspend Yuji's execution for the time being. I'm glossing over a bunch of stuff but let's roll with that for now. While Gojo is explaining the whole situation to Yuji, the first thing he tells Yuji about the higher ups is that he thinks they're a bunch of cowards. And really, that's just the tip of the iceberg for how Gojo feels towards these leaders. He's not a fan of them by any stretch of the imagination. I said above Gojo never voices resentment directed at them over his lack of a carefree childhood, and that's true, however his dislike of the higher ups does seem to be partly personal. We just don't know the specifics other than that when he criticizes them (to their faces or a fellow colleague) he sticks to their wrongful actions on the whole, not how they've wronged him. A handful of episodes later, the higher ups pull something really awful and underhanded while Gojo is away on another mission, a scheme that is partially motivated by wanting to get back at Gojo for interfering with Yuji. Newly and deeply angered by this, Gojo delves further into the corruption at the top of the jujutsu world and then tells us about his dream:

A similar scene happens one year previous to this:

(Gojo doesn't use it anywhere near as frequently, but his saying 'what a pain' about many a situation still manages to give me Shikamaru feelings and I enjoy that.)

What stands out to me the most here is how much Gojo WANTS the students/his allies to be equal to or surpass him in strength. He's not at all concerned with keeping his position and accompanying power all to himself like the higher ups are. During one of the first chapters of the manga/show, to allay someone's uneasiness over potential danger, Gojo tells them, "Don't worry, I'm the strongest." It's only later that we learn when he was much younger he was originally quite happy to say, "Anyway, it should be okay. We're the strongest." I really think he would like nothing better than to be able to say that once again.

In an unusual turn of events for me, when I caught up to the JJK manga a few months ago, I actually had pretty good timing with what was currently going on, but now the story is starting to enter into its final stages and it seems like a lot of people in the fandom feel the narrative is very possibly leading to Gojo's death in some way that will better enable this brighter, less corrupt future for the jujutsu world and his students that he's been working towards this entire time. I don't think that would be a bad outcome, I'm not against noble sacrifices entirely, but I really, really, really don't want to see this happen. And here's where my unexpected Kakashi-adjacent feelings come into play. The reasons for why I'm so invested in seeing both Kakashi and Gojo live to be a part of the better world they helped create are pretty different. Yet, they're also not miles apart. I don't think Gojo has as many doubts as Kakashi that he has a place in the future of which he dreams, but from what I can tell his main focus is on that future existing for everyone else. Maybe he believes that is his purpose as The Strongest? Probably he does have every intention of being there with his fellows. I just want that for him so very much. For the few glimpses of kid!Gojo we got, who always looked so solemn; for the teenage Gojo with the biggest, goofiest smiles, who had so much connection ripped away prematurely; for Gojo the teacher, who works so hard to make every kid feel welcome and excited and to know they aren't alone. I'm aware of the kind of story I'm reading--Jujutsu Kaisen is unrelentingly brutal to its characters. It's a matter of course to have your heart mercilessly stomped on over and over reading JJK. It's not the sort of story where you can reasonably expect a happy ending. Unfortunately, I'm much too optimistic of a person for this manga and I'm far too attached to the story and characters and I'm in way, way too deep.

But let's ignore all that for now and get to the Kakashi-adjacent part of Gojo which clobbered me over the head with feels even worse than what I've already detailed!

@panharmonium, when you've reached this part of the post, I can't really guess what you're thinking about it all, but what if I told you that one of Gojo's students, Megumi Fushiguro, the Sasuke-adjacent one, was, along with his one-year-older step-sister Tsumiki, quasi-adopted/looked after/raised by Gojo from the time Megumi was six/in first grade and Gojo was just nineteen? By blood, Megumi is actually a member of the Zen'in clan, another of the three major clans in jujutsu society. Gojo, fresh out of high school and still newly, painfully estranged from his best friend, hears by chance that Megumi, who's on his own at this time apart from Tsumiki (also parentless), is about to be sold to the Zen'in because of the cursed technique he's just manifested, and although it has nothing to do with him, Gojo goes to Megumi and asks him if he wants to go live with the Zen'in. Upon learning if he chooses this, Tsumiki will be very unhappy (the Zen'in clan cares nothing for her and they are by-and-large super blatantly misogynistic), Megumi says no and Gojo's like, "Cool, that's great! I'll take care of everything and I'll make sure you two have everything you need. I want you to grow up strong!" And then there's a moment in the manga, where present-day Gojo is taking a nap and dreams of this first meeting between himself and Megumi and when he wakes up to his three students coming to see him he does this:

AND THE SECOND SEASON OF THE ANIME JUST STARTED AIRING A FEW WEEKS AGO AND THAT MEANS I'LL BE ABLE TO SEE THIS MOMENT ANIMATED POSSIBLY AS SOON AS AUGUST 3RD (DUB PROBABLY AUGUST 17TH) AND I'M GONNA DIE. HE LOVES THAT KID SO MUCH!!!!!

So obviously that's super sweet and all, but maybe you're thinking, "Okay, that's nice, but do they really have that Kakashi 'n' Sasuke vibe?" and to that I say, "CHECK OUT THIS SHORT VIDEO AND THEN HOPEFULLY I CAN REST MY CASE."

youtube

Also, it is now my most important goal in life to draw a Kakashi & Sasuke version of these panels so I can dedicate it to you (and padmerrie if she wants in on this):

Of course, I'm not saying Sasuke and Megumi are carbon copies of each other (or Kakashi and Gojo for that matter, as I've tried to delineate above). Megumi has a bit of a grumpy disposition, but he's also very polite; he always calls Gojo "Gojo-sensei" and he uses "-senpai" for all the upperclassmen (who he met previously to becoming a student at Jujutsu High). Megumi is the dog guy in JJK and Gojo's more reminiscent of a cat in some respects. Etc., etc., etc. But in general, I really hope you see the vision!

While I'm at it, I might as well show you the little Gojo & Yuji video that naturally gives me all the Kakashi & Naruto feelings:

youtube

Yuji's already got the jubilantly-tackle-hug-your-sensei part down! (Although, of course, Gojo's much less resistant.🥰)

It is admittedly much more of a stretch to say Nobara is Sakura-adjacent, but I have seen someone describe her as a 'gremlin child' and I love that about her! <3

Anyway, I totally get if none of this is up your alley for whatever reason or you don't have the time to get into JJK if this happens to persuade you or if you just want to prioritize other stuff right now. *I* didn't mean to get into it, after all! The plan for my looking into JJK was to be purely for enhancing my love for Kakashi, and I failed spectacularly at limiting myself to that. I just thought I would share to see if it would be a fun read for you. :)

#super stressed for tomorrow night's chapter honestly #so channeling my emotions into this rambly mess of a post #oh also I decided to forego the companion gifset that goes with this #still gonna post it soon but I don't want to rush it and most of the visuals are already included here #in the gifset they'll just be the anime visuals #and it's going to be captioned 'gojo really asked is anyone going to adopt these kids instead of sentencing them to execution or selling #them off like cattle? and then didn't wait for an answer' 'cause three separate instances makes a pattern buddy #random musings of a personal nature #jujutsu kaisen #satoru gojo #megumi fushiguro #yuji itadori #yuta okkotsu #tsumiki fushiguro #kakashi hatake #panharmonium

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justagalwhowrites · 1 year

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No pressure if you don’t want to share, but I’m so curious what you do for a living and/or what your educational background is. I’m so impressed with your storytelling skills that I feel like it cannot be accidental. I have a fair amount of experience as a reader/writer (though not professional) and have a college level writing/English degree and again I’m just so impressed. I wish I had the patience like some to bullet out specifics within a chapter but it’s like moment to moment you just don’t miss.

The exchange with Tommy and Joel in this chapter was superb. The way you write sometimes there isn’t much explanation needed, you do a beautiful job of showing vs telling. You let details unfold in such a subtle but very intentional way. I never feel like, “Oh, here’s the exposition”.

Beskar Doll and Lavender have been two of my absolute favorites and truthfully the initial plot around Yearling didn’t interest me but I trusted you based on the others. It’s becoming my favorite of the three. Like I don’t even care if it gets smutty (and… I usually want that), the story and character development are enough.

Anyway none of this to say skip the smut 😂 But please you how talented you are, especially considering your writing speed. You’re cranking shit out fast and nothing ever feels rushed or unintentional❤️

OMG Hi Bestie!

I totally don't mind sharing! I work in communications now (I write a lot of emails and blog posts, the occasional journal article, etc.) but I was a journalist for a decade before I sold my soul to the PR gods. I have a degree in journalism so my background is definitely all writing! And I have always done creative writing for fun. My mom went through boxes of my elementary school stuff like a year or two ago and found a little novella I wrote when I was like seven lol. I started writing my first novel (it's very bad though I did finish it) when I was 11 and writing novels has been my primary hobby ever since, really. When I got into fan fic earlier this year, I just kind of picked up what I do in novel planning and whatnot and plopped it into the fic space. It means so much that you think it's high quality work! I'm so glad you've enjoyed it!

And OMG this is so exciting about Yearling lol. Yearling has made me so nervous from the start? It was a story I really wanted to tell - trauma, recovery, finding home and family, forgiveness, growth - but it was the first fic I started writing that I thought people might be reading from the beginning and I didn't want to disappoint anyone. Every other fic I started writing thinking no one would read it so the stakes were INCREDIBLY low lol it was just for me! It's a little different now because so many kind, wonderful people have read these stories. Yearling is obviously a slow burn, which I know isn't what people always go for, and there's a LOT of plot - again, not always what draws people into fic! - so I'm thrilled that people have connected with it. I'm extra happy that you're a convert to it!! That made my day, for real!

Don't worry, smut is coming soon in Yearling lol! Smut is never the point in my fics, more just sprinkled in for spice (not that there's anything wrong with PWP!! I love that! I'm just AWFUL at writing it) but I love having it. I may not be as explicit when I write books but I find stories for and about adults unrealistic if it doesn't include sex or romance as some kind of driver (unless the characters are aro/ace) so it's a safe bet you'll find smut in my work! Also love that you think I'm writing fast lol I feel like I'm going so slow compared to Lavender but I really needed to have better balance between life and fic writing this time. While it's not written yet, I do have the whole fic story mapped so there's a plan for every major plot point. It's definitely intentional! I hope it keeps coming off that way and that you keep enjoying it!

Thank you so so so much for reaching out and for spending your time reading these fics. I loved reading your thoughts!! Love you!!

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #kit answers #send asks #yearling #lavender #beskar doll

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noyoucannotpushthevoid · 2 years

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So, observation based on, admittedly, not the best experimental group: far too many variables, heightened emotions cause we're all stuck together in the middle of nowhere for 2 months, and lack of a proper control group; I am also not a scientist, I enjoy the subject only in very very specific circumstances

That being said, for a little more context I've worked at the same summer camp for a couple years now, though the 2 in person years are the only ones that are actually relevant. Due to the way the camp was originally set up, most of the campers are boys and most of my coworkers are men in their 20s (mostly white, but due to lack of information to compare to I don't know how much this actually impacts my observations. I just figured I'd note it because when I say mostly, I mean about 90% of the staff).

I was talking to one of my coworkers the other day. She's someone I consider one of my best camp friends. She is very adamant that she's never going to work there again. We were just kind of shooting the breeze and talking a bit about the summer, which was objectively incredibly traumatizing for many staff and campers. This led to me expressing frustration about when I would talk to some of my other coworkers I would be talked over and essentially kicked out of conversations about the event that I ended up being at the center of and still pisses me off and worries me to this day ('cause there are out of camp parts too. Unfortunately, it didn't stop when camp did). I'll be overshadowed because 'oh poor so-and-so had this comparatively minor but related thing happen to him'. I will not begrudge him that it was a horrible infringement on his privacy. That being said a conversation goes both ways and I'd also like to vent about that night. Especially considering that person and the group we're both in are some of the only people who will actually be able to understand what happened, why I acted the way I did, and not just stare at me in object horror.

Then thinking of "poor so-and-so" leads me to the point of this rant.

There is still one more bit of context though: I hung out with almost exclusively girls in high school. Therefore, I have had firsthand experience with the whole stereotypical "teenage girls are petty and catty and two-faced". And they did act like that occasionally, but did I also act that way in high school sometimes? Yea.

So, with all this context my ultimate question is, why have I seen that behavior a lot more in men in there 20s, rather than teenage girls?

"Poor so-and-so" and all of his friends spent the entire summer talking about people behind their backs, even when it made them hypocrites. Because of the fact that it's a limited staff most of his friends are the remainder of the men in their 20s. Given this though, let's compare since there were literal teenage girls on staff, most of whom didn't act that way at all. Everyone at that camp gossips, there's really nothing else to talk about in the end, but at least if one of the girls had a problem with me or with someone else, they'd either say it to the person's face or have someone else talk to the person...They'd rant and rave about it sure, but none of them would spread rumors or keep petty grudges.

Specific Comparison Examples: I shared a living space with "poor so-and-so" and a couple other men for part of the summer. And for the rest of the summer I lived with the women (none of this is related to why my living quarters were shifted, that's more due to space and new staff being brought on board who couldn't live with the women), whose living quarters were right next to the girls and had a shared bathroom with them.

Was I a dick that one time I stayed up til one in the morning playing a really loud game of dnd? Yes, unquestionably.

Was I also very obnoxious those couple of times I forgot to clear my hair out of the shower drain? You can guess the answer, it's just like all the others...yes.

But the difference is the girls, women, and I all had a sit down conversation where we went over things that the others did that pissed us off and set new ground rules. Versus the men telling me offhandedly to not be so loud again and me apologizing. Yet like 6 fucking months later every single fucking time my relationship with those men are mentioned it gets brought up as the reason why they still dislike me (there are plenty of other, more justified reasons for them to dislike me, I'm not an easy person to actually get along with. I definitely said and did worse things). I also never fucking did it again. I postponed the final session of that campaign for three months just so I would be respectful and not continue to be a dick.

It makes me want to scream.

TL;DR Why men in 20s act more like stereotypical teenage girls than teenage girls? And can the grow up and stop hating me for one minor thing I did 6 months ago? Like they're the adults, why are 7 14-17 year old girls far far more mature than them (I have my guesses for sure, but like it's not a good look especially considering the teenage boys, some of them, were also far more mature than these men. I was just comparing my experience with these men to that with the teenage girls whose stereotype the men embody)?

Thank you for your time. I hope you enjoyed your glimpse into the pit of bottomless rage that I am

#rant

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tb-gerschutz · 4 months

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Chapter Eight

Word Count: 4,116

Trigger Warning(s): graphic depictions of violence (including use of weapons; don't worry, folks. It gets pretty dark), threats of m*rder, etc.

Summary: A terrifying clash happens in Oklahoma City...

******

It was one of Balor’s henchmen. Apparently, one of the dumber ones he has. I’m sure he’s incredibly booksmart, but sometimes…he doesn’t have any common sense. It goes straight out the window when the temptation of alcohol gets in the way. I mean, I only assumed this based on what I’ve learned over several years. High school, college, life…every experience I had taught me a lot about how to judge people based on first glance.

I’m not saying it’s a smart thing to do, but sometimes, it helps for the sake of your safety.

I figured it was one of Balor’s henchmen, judging by the looks of him. But maybe I’m wrong because I’ve been on the run from the “big boss man” himself for two years, and it made me paranoid in a way. It wasn’t until Whiskey asked about it that we both went down a rabbit hole to figure out who this person was.

“Now, Rocky, who exactly was that guy you punched in the bar?” Whiskey asked as we headed toward another part of Stockyards City, where a cattle auction was set to take place soon.

“I’m not sure, Whiskey,” I answered. “Really, I don’t.”

Luckily, Whiskey was patient enough with me. “Well, what did he look like?”

“He had jet-black hair, these—light-brown eyes, and a fairly muscular build,” I answered. “He had slightly tanned skin. Not quite dark, but just slightly tanned. He looked like an American who had a bad day at the tanning salon, almost.”

After we sat down front and center for the cattle auction, Whiskey did his best to calm me down as best he could. “It sure sounds like he’s part of Balor’s ring. But there’s always a chance that we’re all safe. Don’t worry, sugar. We have concealed carry licenses, just in case things go to hell.”

I nodded. “You might be right. There’s probably nothing going on. I’m probably just crazy or some shit.”

Then, Whiskey and I went on as if nothing happened, but my mind still circulated through all the questions I had about all this. I was still paranoid by the fact that Balor could quite possibly be closing in on us, so I had to think it through just in case anything happened.

What if it was one of Balor’s men?

What if he only behaved like that in order to set a trap for Whiskey and I?

But even though my thoughts kept circulating through my head, I had better things to focus on. The cattle auction! Whiskey and I had no intention of buying any cattle—maybe in the future, if we’re lucky—but we just wanted to see one in person. Both of us had never seen a live cattle auction before, so it was an experience that we could go through together.

One by one, beautiful cattle were brought out by trained handlers for the general audience to see. It was nice to see some variety among the cattle—from young to middle-aged to old, to black and white and everything in between. I sure as hell didn’t intend on buying any one of these, but—maybe someday. Maybe someday, I can have my own cattle farm with Whiskey.

I’m thinking too far ahead, aren’t I?

As the auction went on, different people got different cows. Even some of the kids that managed to get cows were so excited about bringing them home. For me, it was a great experience to see what exactly a cattle auction entailed, and it was totally not what I expected at all. And being with Whiskey made it all better.

And then…everything went south rather quickly.

Right after a beautiful, “teenage” Hereford cow was auctioned off, I heard a loud gunshot that echoed throughout the area. Multiple screams erupted, and mainly everyone was drawn away from the auction and to what was going on. Even little kids were being shielded by their parents just in case they had to protect them from any stray bullets. Whiskey and I immediately stood up to figure out what was going on, and as soon as we turned to the main entrance of the building, we soon figured it out.

There were three men—one at the head of it all, and the other two standing behind him—who stood there, their guns cocked and loaded. They were ready to shoot at anyone who got in their way. As soon as Whiskey and I came to our senses about what was unfolding, we finally recognized who the “head honcho” was.

Balor.

Yep. Balor was there, with two of his many henchmen backing him up. How the hell did Balor manage to find us here? Fuck if I know! But what matters now is that Whiskey and I stay safe, and several people don’t die while this is happening.

“Now that I have your attention,” Balor started, “I am going to command you all to do something. Fail to give me what I want, and we will shoot everyone in here in the head.”

A couple of the kids started to cry, and their parents hugged them tighter. Meanwhile, Whiskey and I gave each other a glance before shooting our eyes back up to where Balor and his henchmen were.

“We are looking for two people. A man and a woman,” Balor explained. “They both have been pains in the ass, and we want to do our best to find them and take care of them. First, we’re going to give you all an opportunity to rat these two people out.”

A picture of both Whiskey and I appeared on the small television screens near the front. But much to Balor’s chagrin, no one was budging.

“Now, we’re going to give you all an opportunity to rat out these two and point them out for us,” Balor said. “We’ll go up to each and every one of you and ask you again if you refuse. If you don’t talk, then we’ll kill you. Simple as that.”

While Balor and the henchmen were choosing their first victim to possibly kill, I turned to Whiskey, being especially careful not to reveal my face for Balor to see. I show my face, and Balor kills me immediately.

“I swear to God, if Balor tries to pull a gun on a lil’ kid, I’m gonna get up and say somethin’,” I whispered.

“Whatever you gotta do, Rocky,” Whiskey said. “Just trust your gut.”

We both kept monitoring what Balor was doing, just in case he tried to pull anything too dangerous. If Balor noticed us, then we’d do everything we could to fight back, but we didn’t want anyone—especially little children—getting caught in the crossfire.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Balor walk up to a little kid, who was too frightened to barely move.

“Hello there, little boy,” Balor sneered. “What’s your name?”

“De—De—Devin,” the frightened boy said.

I whipped my head around once I heard that name. I swear to God that if Balor hurts that kid, then he’ll regret being born. My life was already ruined when my twin Devin was killed, and I will not let Balor hurt this little kid, just because he shares a name with my late twin.

“Well, Devin, have you seen those two people you see up there on the screen? Have you seen them around here at all?” Balor asked.

This boy, God bless his little heart, shook his head side-to-side as he shook with fear. “N—No, sir. I haven’t. I don’t even recognize them.”

But Balor, being the ruthless son-of-a-bitch that he is, wasn’t satisfied with that. Instead, he decided to keep pressuring the kid. “Come on, kid. Surely, they’re in this room somewhere. Right?”

“I—I—I don’t know,” the poor kid said. “I swear on my life that I haven’t seen them before.”

Balor was already very fed up by this point, which scared me. Scared me to the point that I was already reaching for my gun. I had to whip it out quickly just in case anything went south, and so far…it sure looks like it was going that way.

“Now, come on, you little shit!” Balor shouted. “I know you know where they are. So open your goddamn mouth and tell me before I put a bullet through your head!”

Balor reached for his gun and almost put it up against the kid’s head. Quicker than a flash of light, I got up and pulled out my gun, aiming it at Balor. Specifically, his head.

“Drop the gun, motherfucker!” I shouted, keeping my gun aimed at Balor.

Balor turned toward me, and a wicked grin appeared on his face. It was like he was glad to see me. It was scary shit, let me tell you…to have the cold, lifeless eyes of a homicidal terrorist glued onto you firmly. It’s scary to think that at any point, he could flip a switch and kill you almost instantly. But like what I was taught in all of the training and learning I’ve done, I kept my cool. Somehow.

“Drop that gun now,” I said firmly, still keeping my gun aimed at Balor’s head.

Luckily, he dropped his gun, which led to me putting mine back in its holster. “Well, well, well. Look who decided to join the party. Agent Blackjack. The bane to my existence.”

“And you’re the bane to mine,” I said. “Tell me somethin’ I don’t already know.”

“Ah, Agent Blackjack. You’ve always been such a fiery son-of-a-gun,” Balor said. “It’s too bad because all that you are now is just a dumb bitch who’s so alone that she can’t handle all of us at once.”

Whiskey was getting ready to get up and say something, but he waited until things got worse.

“Oh, I’m sure I can handle y’all,” I said confidently.

“But it’s three against one,” Balor answered.

I smirked. “I like those odds.”

Balor chuckled in such an evil tone. “I doubt. You know why? Because you’re such a lonely, dumb bitch.”

That’s when Whiskey quickly rose up and pointed his two pistols at Balor’s henchmen, all while keeping his eyes straight on Balor. “Call her a bitch one more time, and I swear to fuckin’ Christ that I’ll personally make sure that’s the last thing you ever say.”

“I doubt, agents,” Balor said. “It’s three against two. You’re outnumbered.”

Whiskey and I glanced at each other and smirked. Sure, we were outnumbered, but we were crazy enough to fight as much as we could.

“Oh, I’m sure we can handle y’all,” Whiskey said boldly.

“Whiskey, I’ll handle Balor. You take care of the two doofuses who tagged along,” I said. “I’m gonna try to get everyone out of here.”

I then turned to the general consensus of everyone. “Okay. All y’all who aren’t in the middle of a standoff right now, get the hell out of here before things get messier than before.”

Everyone who was in there—except for Whiskey, myself, Balor, and his two henchmen—flooded any entrance they could find and escaped. I made sure everyone was out before I continued on with the standoff with Balor, just in case things got messy.

“How the hell did you find us here?” I asked. “How did you know that Whiskey and I were here?”

Balor shrugged. “I have my ways.”

“Well, you better tell us here real soon, or I’m gonna force the answer out of you,” Whiskey shouted.

“I ain’t telling you a goddamn thing, agents,” Balor answered.

One of my eyebrows hooked upward at the peculiarity of Balor’s words. “Oh, really? You’re gonna say that while I have a gun so close within my reach? ‘Cause I can very easily shoot ya within a matter of seconds.”

“You think that’s gonna scare me, Agent Blackjack?” Balor asked. “Nothing scares me.”

“Bullshit! I call bullshit,” I answered boldly. “You’re not only afraid of Whiskey and I destroying everything you’ve worked so hard for, but you’re also afraid of dying and failure. Dying before accomplishing your biggest goal of global genocide, and the failure to succeed in your evil ways. You’re afraid of failing to meet these goals.”

I paused for a second. “And let’s be honest. I hope you do fail.”

Whiskey stood behind Balor’s henchmen, pointing a gun to their heads to ensure that they weren’t going anywhere. I, however, stood about six feet away from Balor, standing firm in my place. I wasn’t going to back down from Balor, nor was I going to take any of his shit that he tried to throw at me.

I’m not that kind of girl. I’m the type of girl that stands firmly in her place and doesn’t back down, even when all the odds are against her. My daddy always raised me with the ideals that I should never—under any circumstances—back down just because people try to make us do so.

“You can’t bow down to anyone who tries to bring you down. Stand your ground and fight back to defend that ground on which you stand,” my daddy would say.

Good thing that applied to what was going on now. Even though Balor Devlin—the most dangerous person in the world—had every opportunity to kill me at any moment, I stood my ground. I didn’t back down from him because it would just give Balor what we wanted—for Whiskey and I to surrender. If we surrendered, then we—and the rest of the world—were fucked. We’d die a fiery and torturous death, while Balor got what he wanted…

…Genocide on the global scale.

“Oh, don’t you worry, little thing,” Balor said, inching closer and closer to me. “I will make sure I don’t fail. If anything, you’ll fail.”

Despite Balor being closer to me than ever before, I stood my ground, not even flinching a little bit. With my killer resting bitch face, I kept a close eye on Balor, who was practically breathing down my neck at this point. I was waiting for the right opportunity to strike and escape, hopefully with Whiskey. Because without Whiskey, I was practically lost. Without him, I was at a higher risk of getting kidnapped or worse…killed.

“And how do you suppose that?” I asked in the sternest voice imaginable.

Balor chuckled in a low tone. “Ah, Agent Blackjack. Such a delusional, gullible bitch. You don’t even know half of what the world is. What the world has to offer. You’ve been here for a decent while, and yet—you’re too caught up in your own grand delusions to even make the effort to find out.”

“My grand delusions? Bullshit! If anything, you have the wildest delusions known to man!” I said.

“I don’t have delusions, my dear,” he sneered. “I have plans. Plans that, after some careful crafting, seem perfectly reasonable.”

“How the fuck is global genocide reasonable?” I asked in a stern, irritated tone.

Balor smirked an evil grin. One that I hadn’t seen in a very long time. It was a grin that detailed his homicidal personality perfectly. He was definitely the most dangerous person I’ve ever come across. Let alone, the most evil. But he was also very stupid. Stupid because he somehow let his guard down while he was close to me.

This gave me the time to kick him in his balls and knock him out temporarily with the butt of my gun. Whiskey, meanwhile, knocked Balor’s henchmen in the head enough to daze them. Not enough to knock them unconscious or anything. Of course, by doing this, Whiskey and I saw our chance to escape. We didn’t kill Balor right then and there, only because we wanted to give them a run for their money.

Perhaps, we could drive them even crazier than before.

“Whiskey, where the hell do we go from here?” I asked.

He looked around for a moment to see where we could hide. “This way,” Whiskey said, leading us to where the cattle were being held and wrangled—the corrals.

We made our way toward the corrals where some of the cattle were being held. There were too many places where Whiskey and I could hide, and one wrong place could possibly kill us both. So we had to think extra carefully before hiding from Balor and his two henchmen.

“Where’s a good place to hide, Whiskey?” I asked. “All of these places are open.”

“Well, sugar, we’re gonna have to either hide amongst cattle or hide behind an enclosure,” he said, “but if we do have to hide inside an enclosure, make sure we don’t hide with the longhorns. Those are nasty sons-of-bitches, and their horns only add onto their danger level.”

“So among cattle then?” I concluded.

“Damn right,” Whiskey answered.

“Do you happen to know the biggest breed of cow we could hide amongst?” I asked, looking around for a big breed of cow.

We quietly and quickly thought, trying to find out which was the biggest breed here. Though we didn’t see it yet in the cattle auction, there was bound to be a big breed Whiskey and I could hide amongst.

“Chianina!” I then exclaimed.

Whiskey looked at me as though I was crazy. “Chia-what?”

“Chianina. An Italian breed of cattle,” I answered. “I remembered learning about it when I was a small child.”

“Well, do they have Chianinas here?” Whiskey asked. “Because none of these enclosures got name tags.”

I shrugged. “Fuck if I know. I know they got ‘em. It’s just a matter of which enclosure they’re in.”

Within the enclosure next to me and Whiskey, there was a giant barn door that opened up, allowing all the cattle that were inside to flood into the open. And as if it was magic, the breed of cattle was simply—Chianina.

“Wonderful!” Whiskey said cheerfully.

“Perfect opportunity,” I said.

Just then, I heard the main-entrance doors open up, followed by a good amount of congregating. I knew that only meant one thing—Balor and his men were coming. And Whiskey and I didn’t have long to hide before they got here.

“Come on, sugar. I’ll give ya a boost into the enclosure,” Whiskey said, offering his hands out.

“Whiskey, I’ve climbed so many things in my lifetime,” I responded. “These wood-and-wire fences—they’re nothin’ too challenging.”

I climbed over the fencing and into the enclosure with the Chianina cattle, while Whiskey watched out for Balor and his men. As soon as I got in, Whiskey followed, and we carefully navigated among the big and beautiful yet dangerous cattle. I carefully and occasionally looked to see if Balor and his men were coming, and as it turned out, they were already entering the maze of enclosures.

“They’re getting closer,” I whispered to Whiskey, as we hid behind some of the cattle.

“Yeah, and there’s no way we could hide amongst these cattle without them seeing us,” Whiskey said, also whispering.

“Balor’s dumb enough to not look if we don’t move and keep quiet,” I said.

We walked among the huge cattle, while Balor and his men approached where we were hiding. As I peeked my head out enough to have my eyesight just skate over the cow’s back, I could see Balor and his men carefully scanning the enclosure for me and Whiskey, and I guess they were too stupid to investigate it further.

“They have to be here somewhere,” Balor said. “Do any of you see them?”

Both of them shook their heads. “No, boss. It’s like they disappeared out of the blue.”

“But they haven’t! I know they’re here somewhere,” Balor said.

As they all went to check the other enclosures, Whiskey and I peeked out from behind the cattle to make sure the coast was clear.

“What now, Whiskey?” I asked. “They’re roaming about, so do we get out and attack or do we stay here until they come back to us?”

He shrugged, making sure he had all his weapons close within his reach. Then, he marched over to the fence and started to climb over it. He paused for a moment before hopping down on the other side.

“Ah, fuck it!” he shouted.

I panicked, looking around confusedly. “Whiskey! Whiskey, get your ass back here!”

I marched over to the front part of the fence, wondering what Whiskey was thinking. “You can’t just go and confront Balor and all his men. That’s basically suicide!”

He shrugged. “Three against one…I like those odds.”

“You’re fuckin’ crazy,” I said.

"Not crazier than you,” Whiskey responded in return.

“This is not the time for that,” I said sternly.

Balor and his men rounded the corner, not paying attention to Whiskey, who was standing in front of them. “Hey, assholes!” Whiskey shouted, catching the attention of Balor and his two henchmen.

“Well, well, Agent Whiskey. Coming back for more?” Balor teased.

Whiskey shrugged. “Yeah. I guess so.”

Then, the fight started, with Balor lunging at Whiskey, who successfully stopped him by shoving him back. Even though the henchmen tried to land some punches on Whiskey, he managed to avoid both. Surprisingly, he was putting up a pretty good fight without using any of his weapons.

I must’ve spoken too soon or something because the henchmen neutralized Whiskey, holding his arms back. Meanwhile, I was straddled on the top of the fence, with my legs on either side. It was like the top of the fence was a saddle or a seat. And just when Balor was drawing his fist back with the intention of punching Whiskey, I used one of my glocks to shoot up into the air and draw attention onto me.

“Y’all are crazy for thinkin’ I ain’t gonna get involved,” I said, pointing my gun at the henchmen. “Help my man up.”

“Mmm. I don’t think so,” one of the henchmen said.

I fired a shot toward the first man’s feet, startling him. “I said—Help him up. Now!” I commanded once again.

The henchmen quickly helped Whiskey to his feet, while I hopped down to the ground, facing Balor and his men. Whiskey hastily scrambled to my side, while I had my gun pointed at Balor, whose evil grin took over his face again.

“Look who finally joined us,” Balor said.

“First of all, I already joined. And second of all, I only intend on doing one thing and one thing only,” I said sternly.

Balor chuckled, cracking his knuckles in the process. “And what is that?”

I smirked. “Kicking your ass.”

The fight started up again, with Balor lunging at me. I luckily dodged it and grabbed his wrist, flipping him hard onto his back. Meanwhile, Whiskey seemed like he was handling the henchmen just fine, dividing his attention between those two dumbass, heartless, evil bitches.

As I kept up my aggressive offense against Balor, I realized that Whiskey and I had to escape at one point. If we escaped, then we could continue playing cat-and-mouse. Only then will we be able to lure Balor into his own defeat. But there was one complex and important question that circulated throughout my brain…

Where could Whiskey and I run to where we’d be safe?

Right away, I eliminated any place within Oklahoma City because Balor was already there. He’s bound to find and kill me and Whiskey if we stay in the city. That’s when I silently concluded that it was best if Whiskey and I fled once again, but since it was relatively close to Christmas, it had to be somewhere that gave off “winter vibes”. I mean, it was only about a week and a half until Christmas, so I had to start thinking ahead.

Shit! I didn’t get anything for Whiskey! Welp…Guess that’s gonna be the first thing I do when Whiskey and I find refuge again.

“Whiskey!” I shouted toward him as he kept battling the two henchmen. “Hold ‘em up for a hot minute. I got an idea!”

Tagging along to my crazy idea, Whiskey held up the henchmen in front of him.. As that happened, I managed to find enough superhuman strength to pick up the hefty yet weakened Balor into my arms. I couldn’t hold him much longer, so I decided to chuck Balor into his two henchmen, hurting them and allowing Whiskey to escape along with me.

“Hurry your ass up, Whiskey!” I shouted, starting to dash away. “We gotta go.”

Whiskey quickly followed behind me as we made our way to the truck and drove off. We were lucky that Balor and his men weren’t close behind, and that they couldn’t track us. Then again, I don’t know how long Whiskey and I will stay lucky. After all, luck sometimes runs out. And I don’t know if we’ll be lucky for much longer…

#creative writing #pedro pascal fanfiction #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #fanfiction #pedro pascal #agent whiskey

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anaspecsideblog · 4 months

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I suspect my sister is arospec but possibly closer to alloro than I am and the attraction she does experience is exclusively toward boys (well, she’s an adult now, so, men) and I think she thinks of being arospec as this thing that defined me because it was so so rare for me (only one for sure crush from me) but like she has said out loud to me she’s not sure if any of her crushes were real! So she’s arguably more aro than I am!

And like I think it’s just not a big deal to her and she maybe doesn’t want to deal with aphobia from our mom the way I did but I just hope she knows she’d be so welcome in the community if she wanted to be and it would real cool if she embraced that being part of who she is, at least to me.

I also suspect she might be a flavor of alloaro and exclusively sexually into boys and that’s why shit is confusing to her. I was more aroace when we were growing up. Alloaros are so incredibly marginalized. She’s supposed to be straight in her head. Maybe she was sexually into the boys she dated and then broke up with because she realized she did not like them like that—that’s how she put it every time, she got bored, she wasn’t in love with them, they asked her and she said yes and then she realized she wanted out but didn’t really know how to do it for like MONTHS before ripping the band aid off.

I dunno, maybe I’m projecting and she really is just straight and not that interested in dating or she dated shitty guys in high school or whatever but like. I’m so convinced my sister could identify as arospec based on her telling me her experience and whenever I point this out she’s like “never mind, I like boys, never mind I just told you I’m not sure I’ve ever had a crush, I’m straight, im just not sure I’ve ever had a crush” sweetie you mean you’re aro and heterosexual?

She’s also never told me about a boyfriend or any partner at all in college but we don’t talk much or maybe she just hasn’t gotten together with anyone but is still alloro.

And like if she just doesn’t need the feel to label this it’s cool I just think we’re more similar than she thinks

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headedoutleft · 4 months

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Didn’t want to derail the comic post that I just reblogged or drag OP into discourse that doesn’t apply to them, but it drives me crazy that lesbians will discuss the challenges of navigating wlw relationships, which are very real, and then people will say shit like, “bi women are faking because they never have sex with women”

Yeah I think it makes sense when you consider 1. statistics and 2. women generally don’t pursue other women like men do (obviously I’ve met women who do, but they are not the norm outside of lesbian circles). Women will often in my experience act in ways that present ambiguous desire to spend time together without expressing attraction out of fear of losing friendship, and then end up feeling lonely and going out with a dude who’s just persistent in expressing attraction because that’s what he’s been socialized to do

And it’s safe to to say based on demo studies that there are far more bisexual people than homosexual (50% of USAmericans identifying as LGBTQ identify as bi per a Gallup poll a couple years ago), which means that’s a whole lot of women attracted to women who are never ever saying that to other women because they’re afraid of losing a friend or have low self esteem or are socialized to be passive in building relationships and don’t feel comfortable expressing attraction. It’s also often difficult to identify other bisexuals irl for a ton of reasons

So there’s so many layers of resistance to that relationship or sexual encounter even happening, a tremendous amount of loneliness happening for women who end up in relationships that don’t fulfill all of their desires, and then the women who are most visibly open to having those relationships with them… make fun of them or refuse to date them because they don’t think they’re legitimately an option

Like when my friend was on dating apps a few years ago, the number of women who refused to go out with her or ghosted once they found out she was bi was incredibly sad tbh. She did not want to date men at that point, but she struggled to connect with women at all. And I want to be clear, she had had sex with women before, this wasn’t even a case of a woman who was seeking an initial sexual experience with other women

There are just so many reasons why bi women end up with someone of the opposite sex who shows up and genuinely wants to connect and miss the opportunity to connect with women. It’s statistically and socially more likely to happen

I’m hopeful this is changing as Gen Z is way more likely to be open about their attraction (the kiddos I know in middle school are experiencing social complexities that make my middle school experience look easy by comparison lmao) and more likely to be open in identifying themselves as bi. I think that’s fantastic! I hope that increased visibility helps change the way older people view and express their sexuality too

I saw some data just now when I checked that said only 10% of US millenials identify as LGBTQ based on a Gallup poll a few years ago. That cannot be accurate, imo, and I think as acceptance grows and folks begin to explore their needs more then that will change over time. But the obstacles to entry are so complex and we need to be kind to people who are figuring out later in life who they are and wanting to have those experiences

All that to say

Women start telling other women you think they’re hot as fuck, the risk is not that high, it’ll be okay

#anyway #I love you all genders humans are sexy #.txt

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udo0stories · 6 months

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– The thing that drew me to early retirement is freedom, and that’s still the best part of it. Back in 2005, the primary reason for this freedom-seeking was being able to devote my best hours to being a dad. I had a feeling my career in tech would be too demanding to sustain once the full-time job of raising children kicked in. Eighteen years later, wow, has that guess ever turned out to be right? Early retirement has proved to be the most amazing and worthwhile adventure, and it’s still just getting started. I wrote to you an amazing thirteen years ago, when Little MM was just starting kindergarten. Now, he has graduated from high school. I have been able to take advantage of a lot of new experiences, work hard and play hard when needed, and slow down when needed to overcome some true challenges and develop as a person. ow, with that chNow that the parenting phase is finally almost over, I am using some of those Freedom Chips to make a really big change: I am spending the winter in a warm, sunny place to try out a new life in Culdesac Tempe, the walkable, bikeable, car-free community you have probably heard me talk about a lot in the past.r, I’So, on December 1st, I will be loading up the Model Y with my best mountain bike and all the necessities for the incredible road trip across the mountains, along with tools and gadgets. ming Colorado winter. And my son will be joining me for the trip! Looking for updates? I have added a separate tracker page here. Heading West… We’ve booked ourselves a spacious two-bedroom apartment there for four full months. Little MM will be roughly alternating his months between Arizona and Colorado so he can still have time with both parents, while I’ll be there the whole time. A big part of the fun is that this will force me to invent a whole new life for myself, away from the easy comforts of the big community and plentiful construction sites that keep me so busy here. It will be both a big change and a significant challenge, which is exactly what all of us need on a regular basis to keep life full of meaning and joy. So, what are you going to do in Arizona? I look forward to replacing this with a real Arizona mountain biking picture I will be taking soon. The exact details are still in the works, and I’d love to hear your ideas and feedback (see the “get in touch” note below). But here’s what I’ve got so far: Meet as many new people as possible and answer the burning question we all have: what kind of people choose to move to a car-free neighborhood in the center of a super-car-based metropolis? And, of course, hang out with existing friends who live in the area. Did you know our own Coverage Critic (aka Chris Smith) already lives in Culdesac? Share some of the experiences, whether good or bad, here on MMM and on places like Twitter and Instagram so you can live vicariously through this experience. Use my newly liberated extra free time to visit their kickass on-site gym to get in extra good shape. Use more of that free time to write more blog posts and sweep some of the cobwebs off of this neglected online persona of mine. Look at the weather app on my phone periodically to cackle at the blizzards I’m missing in Colorado and celebrate my good fortune in comparison (the typical “winter” day in Tempe is typically in the mid-70s, which means sandals and palm trees and outdoor dining the whole time) Host a few meetups in Culdesac’s outdoor plazas, like we did last March Start a quirky free handyman business where I help new residents set up their IKEA furniture, move heavy stuff, and hang paintings, as a combo of meeting people, being useful, and exercising my compulsion to build stuff. Ride bikes! A lot. Explore the distant corners of the Phoenix metro area and the surrounding desert valley and mountain trails on mountain bikes, regular bikes, and the e-bike that comes included with the first 200 Culdesac apartments. And perhaps most importantly, help my almost-adult son get all sorts

of new experiences during his visits by living in a brand new city for the first time since he was born, way back in the same era as my own early retirement. One of Culdesac’s main “parking lots”, adjoining a restaurant patio My future gym (sAlright, you have caugThis is another instance where There is a reason other than simply journaling my personal life that I am going to go to the trouble of typing shit into the computer and sharing it with you.other than just journaling my own personal life, and this is another one of those cases. First of all, there are the first-layer selfish goals: I want to have the best winter ever, meet a bunch of smart new people, and I also want Culdesac to be a huge success so they will build more neighborhoods like this around the country and set an example that permanently improves the way US cities build and expand themselves in the future. Much Better than Parking Lots But even if you don’t care about all that, I also want to use this as a little statement about trying to make deliberate life changes. By throwing myself into a new community that aligns so nicely with my own values, I hope to serve as a reminder that maybe you might want to try the same thing. Or just try anything new. In a comfortable, prosperous country like ours, some of the built-in tendencies of Human nature tend to work against us, saying, “Hey – I’ve noticed we have plenty of food and reasonable shelter, and that’s good enough. So let’s just double down on Netflix, comfort foods, and occasional luxury purchases, and that will keep us safe.” Instead, I want you to set your life treadmill to just a bit of a steeper, healthier incline setting. That means questioning the status quo and doing your best to keep at least one little experiment on the go in the background. Maybe that means forcing yourself to move to a better place or taking steps towards getting a new job that gives you a better work-life balance. The biggest move I ever made was leaving family and friends and my old job behind to move to the US alone, at age 24. Looking back, I’m shocked I had the courage (and the organizational skills) to pull that off back then. I’ve become older, a bit slower, and so comfortable that it’s hard to imagine doing something so bold now. But even today, 24 years later, I thank my past self every single day for doing it. My present life is an incredibly different and better thing because of that past bit of courage. The spirit of positive experimentation might also mean starting to challenge your body more regularly, giving it harder work, and exposing it to a wider swath of temperatures and movements. Or joining new Meetup groups to expand your circle of friends and experiences. It doesn’t really matter exactly what you do, as long as you point your feet in what feels like a good direction and just start moving. Create some purposeful change, which will surely feel a bit difficult simply because change is hard. And hard things are good. Future Arizona Neighbors: I’ll see you in four weeks! Further reading: I’ve been reading books, doing life experiments, and writing about the value of strategic hardship for a while now. But the latest is a book called Dopamine Nation by a talented psychiatrist and author named Dr. Anna Lembke. To summarize, your brain creates a baseline for happiness based on the hardest thing you do and then compares everything else to that. So if you do hard things, life in general seems fantastic because of this perspective. If you eliminate all hardship, suddenly even the pleasures of life seem bland, and you live a spoiled and unmotivated life. To get in touch, send me a DM on Instagram or use the email address “newsletter” at the domain of this website. (Newsletter subscribers can also just reply to this post if you received it via email.) Interested in stopping by for your own mini-Culdesac experiment? They have a few short-term rentals available at rather reasonable rates (less than nearby hotels); check em out at book.culdesac.com

What will you do with your car? I’m bringing the car as a convenient electric moving truck to carry two people and four months of living supplies. Once I get there, I’ll find a safe place to park it offsite and live the full car-free lifestyle of Culdesac, much like I do when I’m here at home. I typically only use cars to carry really heavy stuff or for trips to other cities and states, but it’s even easier to accomplish this in Tempe with its location right on the light rail and with their onsite bike, scooter, and even car sharing lots. What about your house? My place in Colorado is currently set up as a two-bedroom house on the main floor plus an apartment with a separate entrance on the walkout lower level. When I’m at home, I use the whole thing as one home—the apartment just makes a great place to host a fairly constant stream of visiting friends. But for the winter, I’m hoping to rent out one of these spaces to a friend or trusted acquaintance who will take good care of everything, while I leave the other section free for the occasional visits I’ll be paying to this area over the winter. Aside from keeping an eye on the place, it will be a great way to practice the age-old Mustachian technique of making money while taking vacations! What Happens at the End of March? As it stands, I have no plans beyond this point. I’ll head back to Colorado for my home base, but with this being a new phase of life, I’ll be layering on new adventures. Aside from the two mountain properties that I’ve been helping to build out, I just teamed up with a friend to help him create an intentional (and somewhat experimental!) living community in Denver called Wild Life Ranch. We’ll have to cover more of that in a future article, but the basic idea is that he is converting a 13-acre former horse ranch in a relatively prime part of the Denver area into a future village of higher-end tiny houses and other dwellings. These will be arranged around nice common amenities with a big emphasis on people actually enjoying the process of living together, as opposed to just living side-by-side as we tend to do in normal neighborhoods.

#PersonalFinance #Arizona #Experiment

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bullfrogjoy · 7 months

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Bullfrog Joy

March 1, 2024

Good Morning! Spring seems to be back for another few days. At least the last cold was short lived. Wonder if there will be more. I think I read where Meteorological Spring begins today. I’m going with that. If I understand it right Meteorological Spring is based on the temperatures of March, April and May. The Astronomical Spring is based on the rotation of the earth around the sun and begins on March 20. I joyfully choose today as the beginning of spring!

That is your lesson for the day. But wait….there’s more to learn.

A student of mine, from many years ago, reminded me that I should “grow every day, learn something new, and experience something through someone else’s eyes.” So here’s my experience and my something new. I spent about an hour with my grandsons talking about music, what we liked, what we didn’t and listening to songs that were our favorites. It’s so easy today with the phone in our hands. Just type in the title and there it is, just waiting to be played and listened to.

Oh my friends, they listened to Peter, Paul and Mary and Herman’s Hermits for me. I listened to…well, I don’t know the names of any songs… but a genre new to me called “Breakcore,” I had never heard of it. It has a very fast electronic drum beat, but it does not over power the melody. Most of the songs didn’t have words which surprised me. It is interesting. This….this is what being a grandma is all about!

Another music story happened to me a few days ago. A friend on Facebook sent me a video of the familiar song, “Amazing Grace,” but the artist was a heavy metal singer named Dan Vasc. It started out so powerful, acapella, clear, beautiful. Then the harmonica came out. Then the guitar and then the throaty scream at the end. It was “amazing!” And surprise…I loved it.

My family reads as well as listens to music. Part of the dinner table conversation last weekend was about “The Most Dangerous Game,” a short story written in 1924, with a black and white movie version made in 1932. Anybody remember reading this in high school? I did. My son did, my freshmen did, now my grandson has. Joyful memory was of a student bringing to class the heavy metal version of the story by Laaz Rocket. (can’t say as I liked this one, but it sure was an addition to learning!) We had to listen to it on a tape recorder. This weekend we just pulled it up in Google! Music is everywhere!!!

I have one more joyful story. Another student from years ago invited me to his church to hear his testimony of how God has changed his life. I could not go, but I listened to it in the car as we traveled. This man’s story is incredible. I remember him from high school. It’s his story so I won’t share it with you, but it was not pretty, drugs, alcohol, life threatening accident, and it didn’t change much, even in the military, but somehow he met God. He learned what forgiveness means, he learned how much God loves him no matter what, and he was willing to get up in front of people and share. AND he was willing to share it with me. I wish I could have been there. That’s joy my friends.

It has been a week of listening, learning, laughing, and crying, a week of hearing the youngest grandson sing “His Eye Is On the Sparrow” in the Kansas all-state Choir, and eating trout for the first time. Now I am home reading a book about VanGogh, called The Secret Life of Sunflowers. Not my normal genre, but then, I am out to learn new things this week. Joy to you my friends. What have you learned this week? What can you share with your family? Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea. Joy to you and me.

PS. New graphic borrowed from Google. Couldn’t let Leap Year slide right by!

#joy #breakcore #amazing grace heavy metal #forgiveness #van gogh

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mag-writes · 1 year

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Hello! I just found out that you are the author of Sublime Meanings, is it okay if I ask you a few questions? See, I'm trying to write a fic with Yuta but I'm having trouble creating an original female character that can match him, how did you create the personality of the reader in your fic? Did you have a specific idea in mind or did things fall into place as you wrote? And the dynamic, the reader and Yuta from your fic really had chemistry together! Could you give me some tips for creating this kind of romantic chemistry? By the way, Sublime Meanings is an incredible story, I find myself thinking about it from time to time and I really appreciate what you've written so far.

Anon, you literally had me mime screaming into my pillow at your compliments—of course I’d be happy to answer any questions!! Sublime Meanings honestly wasn’t supposed to get as long as it did; it was just meant to be a one shot to fill in the time between Yuta’s incident at his high school and him going to jujutsu high. However, even if I was writing off the top of my head, I had a (mostly) clear idea of how I wanted the reader to come off in SM.

While I try to keep all my reader-inserts as much of a blank slate as possible, it’s difficult to believe any actions taken without prior events, y’know? In particular for SM, I wanted a more solemn character to match Yuta’s personality, and one that grows into themselves as Yuta grows as a character. I’ve found that the easiest way to write chemistry between two characters is to either have A: an opposite or B: a compliment. The reader in SM is very much the B category, but it’s important to remember to not make a complete copy. Things can’t be interesting if there’s no variety, particularly in romantic interests. The same goes for category A! If you have a complete opposite, then it makes it difficult for people to see how two characters can mesh how they do. While it’s a romantic idea, it’s much harder to write outside of it.

As for the romantic chemistry, I’ll admit that it’s something I still struggle with myself. The reader and Yuta’s relationship is based off of my absolute favorite trope of friends to lovers—and it’s incredibly easy to create a romantic relationship when you have a foundation like a strong friendship to support it. I wanted the two of them to be best friends before they got anywhere near a romantic relationship. My best advice here is to remember that while romance is nice to witness, it’s much nicer to see when it enhances a situation instead of being the focus of that situation, if that makes sense? Feel free to ask for more advice if it doesn’t—I’m aware that me rambling probably doesn’t make for easy understanding, especially when I’ve had a bit of a long day 😭

Finally, you truly had me so, so happy with your last sentence. I’ve always had that experience of loving a fic to the point of it just, rotating in my mind at random times. It’s the highest honor to hear that a story I just thought up after watching the jjk movie for the second time and wanting to convey my love for Yuta as a character to the world gave someone else that same feeling. Your words mean the world to me, anon 🫶🫶

#mag-answers #it’s almost one am and if I could see in this dark room I’d probably be blushing #I also probably rambled too much. whoops?

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beaversatemygrandma · 2 years

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Me explaining my sexuality and the way romance works for me: You will see my tits before you hear the L-word.

I’m literally on the aro spectrum and trying to build a relationship with somebody who has no earthly idea what that means is quite interesting. I’m demiromantic. Maybe grayromantic. Idk tbh. But I’m definitely in the aro spectrum. Like, i don’t feel romantic feelings 90% of the time unless i get REALLY CLOSE to somebody. LIKE REALLY REALLY CLOSE. So, yeah, I’ll be the one to literally have sex with you on the first date because i think you’re cute and fun, but I don’t have romantic feelings for you in the slightest yet. Try to pull the L-word on the third date after like two weeks, I’ll shut You Down. Not ready for that. I don’t do that. Give me a few months. Which is odd considering i used to think that waiting for sex after a few months was best. When, no, it’s really not. I want to enjoy getting to know somebody a bit more. I’m also incredibly cuddly in this area of time. If one doesn’t know that i don’t really experience romance the same way, it can be awkward.

But now, lately, you know of this guy I’ve been talking to a lot from high school. This is somebody who’s literally needing a push to even take a step towards any talk of sexual and romantic futures, He Finally Took A Damn Step. And Holy Shit. He did it Right. He stepped towards sexual. And not even in the “I just want to fuck”; it was so damn sweet. This guy is breaking past the damn barrier before even getting me in person. Like, he was very nervously just like “Can i push my limits here?” and i was just here having eaten a delta-9 gummy that my dad gave me literally admitting “I’m high and horny, you get a free pass.” Because ngl, i do get horny while high. (This was not a high mistake. I’m entirely clear headed right now and I think i like these delta-9 things. Helps me sleep too. Probably going to pass out after pressing post.) And yeah, there was a whole exchange, he’s definitely seen my tits now, long distance second base i think, and I’m pretty sure I have him entirely on board for my very odd fashion of getting into a relationship. Yeah, there’s some hurdles, but they aren’t hard. Just let me get to the L-Word first and know that we aren’t dating until then. And He Understands This. Like, i was worried about him being a little inexperienced in this area for this whole thing, but genuinely, I think it’ll work.

I don’t want to put him out to be a not-so-good-person, because he’s far from, just a bit sheltered and I’m willing to drag him out of that shelter if he’s willing and he’s Very Willing. Like, we’re talking 23yo virgin who’s had a crush on me since we were both 14. This is the same guy who saw i was upset while waiting for the bus because of something my shit ex did and just sat down beside me and let me cuddle up to him until i calmed down. Just sweet with no ulterior motives. I mean, hell, this was the only time i ever really touched him back then and it has to be the best thing i remember about him. I don’t even remember what i was upset about that day, all i remember was at the end of it, he was just quietly right there with me. Like, it’s hard to fathom that he’s still a virgin now because we did have that 5 or 7 years apart where he went off to college and such and he was definitely making other friends back then, but nothing more. No other interactions like ours which just shocks me. He’s not unattractive at all. Like At All. Just a little skittish out in the world. He just needs somebody who will give him that push out into the world and I’m Willing To Do It. I want to show this boy the damn world.

Then again, this is also the guy who wouldn’t get within two feet of me while i was eating cheddar chex mix during school lunch. The first few times there was a literal scoot away when I’d open a bag. Well, to be fair, he does have an intense dairy allergy which includes from touch i think. But he seems much more lax about it now, at least not in a personal manner, because yeah, no, fucking obviously. (This literally causes random conversations such as “Death Sandwich?” “Yeah, Death Sandwich.” while playing pokemon together. It’s a cheese one with cream cheese and whipped cream. Some helpful encounter boosts for EVs if i remember correctly.) And honestly, i can see me going along with that diet entirely because i know he shouldn’t be around that stuff because I’m lactose intolerant and i should really cut that shit out of my diet entirely. Totally gonna introduce him to french toast with coconut milk sans butter. It’ll be great. Guilt and pain free things for me, and not literally killing him. Dairy is a bitch anyways. No loss here.

I cannot believe that of all people that I’m actually getting a bit hung up on, is This One. I mean, back then, he wasn’t annoying with that crush. Apparently he thinks he was, but he really wasn’t. Maybe because I was denying that I would actually like him back or something. Turns out I do. I can see this working out well. Even with my headache of a method for attempting these sorts of things. A few gives, a few takes, and this will work. Yep. It’s official now. I’m definitely into that weird guy I had sticking around me all the time in high school. I’m glad I wasn’t too rude to him in the process of trying to keep that shit ex from getting jealous of yet another guy friend. He’s a great guy. I’m glad I didn’t.

#time for the void #there has been a development #taks speaks

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kairakeiji · 3 years

Text

only | tooru oikawa

pairing: oikawa x reader

tags: fluff, friends to lovers

word count: 2.0k

i'm pretty sure inez is on hiatus so i won't tag her but this was for her :D

“okay,” you nod, laughter leaving your lips as you turn to your friend.

oikawa’s gaze shifts to you at your place around the small fire, “what’s up?”

“you know what i regret about my final year in high school?”

he quirks a brow, “what?”

“that i never got to fall in love.”

a beat of silence follows your words, the fireplace feeling as warm as ever as the two of you on the rooftop of your apartment building. despite summer approaching faster than ever, there was still a chill in the night air, one that made you pull the small blanket draped over your figure closer.

it’s your last week of school, and you and oikawa always had this tradition of sitting on the rooftop, turning on the small fireplace, and just talking. with your busy schedules, especially around the end of the school year, it grew hard for you to see each other. so during your first year, the two of you made a promise to return to the rooftop before your final week of school, to light the fireplace no one else in the apartment building seemed to use and to just talk.

but now it’s your last week ever of high school, the last time you and oikawa would venture up to this rooftop together.

there’s a sense of nostalgia to it, the idea that you might never come back up here with him, the thought that this fireplace would go back to normal and be completely untouched by the other residents in the building. it reminds you a bit too much of your past few years of high school, and what a ride they were.

the boy meets your eyes once more from his place on the adjacent couch, a blanket of his own wrapping his figure and a can of soda in his hand. “what do you mean?”

“it’s just,” you start, eyes flickering towards the calm flames in front of you, “there’s this idea of the perfect high school experience, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect prom date, and the perfect relationship,” you explain. “the two of you go to dinner every week and spend nights at each other’s houses and go on these perfect dates and share umbrellas when its raining.”

“you know that’s just in movies right?” oikawa cuts in.

“i know,” you nod with a small sigh, “most of high school is already romanticized as it is. but,” you pause. “i just wish i got to experience even the real life version of high school love.”

“it’s really nothing special,” oikawa shrugs, taking a sip from his soda can.

“what?” you tease. “your one girlfriend did that much of a number on you?”

“okay enough about her,” he waves off, rolling his eyes as he leans back into his chair. “you and iwa do nothing but tease me when it comes to her.”

“it’s kind of funny in my head,” you think. “you jumped into a relationship with her incredibly quick. you only knew her for what? a month?”

he nods wordlessly.

after all, he’s known you much longer.

“that’s not a lot,” you hum. “i always thought you were the type to approach love rather cautiously.”

oikawa quirks a brow at your words, “really?” you nod. “interesting,” he hums, “how so?”

“i don’t know,” you mumble. “you just seem like the type.”

“what?” he laughs, “you’re just basing this off of some kind of vibe you’re getting?”

“yeah, pretty much,” you mumble. “i mean you’ve got this ego that hides how you truly feel, i kind of assumed it would be the same towards love ya know? like walls hiding away your heart from the one person you truly wanted to give it to.”

and that leaves him at a loss for words.

“sorry,” you mumble, “hit a little too close to home?”

“what do you think?” he questions with an annoyed sigh, but you know there’s no malice behind his words. you knew him better than most, and that involved being quite familiar with the side of him he often hid from others.

“why’d you even date her anyway?” you hum, leaning back into the small chair, gaze still locked on the fire. “i mean you never really brought her up to iwaizumi and i until after you got together.”

“for the same reason why you have regrets,” he lies.

“because you wanted to experience high school love?” you question.

he nods, knowing that if he said anything you’d see right through him. you were the only person that truly could.

his ex’s confession just seemed to line up with when he got supposedly friendzoned by you. he still remembers what you said to iwaizumi that day. platonic soulmate, you called him, the words seemed to ring through his head to this day. he was your platonic soulmate.

but oikawa couldn’t understand why he couldn’t just be your soulmate.

after all, he’d done his best to give you all of the high school experience that you could ask for. you both hung out more often than not, you spent more nights at his house than you probably did at yours, he was your date for dances, even coming up with elaborate posters just to make you smile.

that word platonic just seemed to mock him, it’s a word he just wanted to get rid of it completely from your description of him. you only saw him as a friend, and nothing more. he hoped his ex could help him move on, yet all she did was make him feel worse.

“the worst part of it though was that she dumped me,” he sighs.

“all because of volleyball too,” you hum before looking at him. “i mean she had to have known that you’d spend more time playing volleyball,” you reason. “you’re literally team captain and the star player.”

he shakes his head, “definitely not the star player,” he rather honestly retorts.

“oh shut up, you literally are,” you ignore. “that reasoning though was just...odd.”

that reasoning was a lie.

oikawa told his ex about his feelings for you, and his apology signified the end of the relationship. because even after a couple months of being with someone else, even after a couple months of going on dates, bringing flowers, and loving someone else, he still couldn’t help but think about you. but there was no way he was going to tell you that. so he lied, he lied to the one person who could supposedly see through him.

except you had yet to do so when it came to this.

“it was,” he sighs. “but what can you do? the past is in the past.”

“and we have nothing but the future ahead of us,” you finish before meeting the boy’s gaze, “what about you? have any regrets?”

of course he does.

oikawa nods rather nonchalantly, “i do.”

“do share,” you hum. “but only if you want to of course.”

“i wish i went to nationals at least once,” he mumbles.

“i knew you’d say that,” you sigh. “do you regret going to school here?”

his eyes widen, “what? no, absolutely not,” he answers. “i love it here, it’s where iwa is, it’s where my team is.”

it’s where you are.

and the fact that he leaves that out is another regret he adds to his list.

“i see,” you hum. “it would’ve been nice to watch you guys play at nationals.”

he quirks a brow, “you’d go?”

“of course i would,” you nod. “i mean it’s a free trip to tokyo right?” you laugh.

and oikawa swears it’s music to his ears.

“any more regrets?” he asks you. “you gotta get it all out there before it’s too late right?”

“i have a few,” you hum.

and he hopes that one of them has something to do with him.

after all, he’s running out of time with you, and he still has a couple more things to say to you.

“i wish i asked that guy out myself my first year,” you list. “apparently he liked me back?”

“he did?” oikawa questions a bit louder than he’d like.

“he did,” you smile. “maybe he could’ve been my high school romance.” there’s a beat of silence before you continue. “i wish i didn’t spend all my time at home and went out more, i wish i didn’t ruin things with that one girl, i wish i actually spoke to my friend and fixed things instead of leaving him behind, i wish-”

there are tears in your eyes before you can even realize that you’re rambling, unpacking the baggage you had yet to deal with.

and oikawa’s watching you unravel before his eyes, each “i wish,” sending a chill of his own down his spine.

“i wish,” you sniffle. “i wish i got to see my uncle one more time before he died. i wish i didn’t start that fight with my friend. i wish i didn’t lose as many friends as i did,” you quickly wipe the tears in your eyes, watching oikawa’s face fall at the sight of your tears.

he’s rushing instantly to your side sitting down next to you, the pads of his fingers wipe away your tears. your head rests on his shoulder and his arm instantly goes to your back, pulling you a bit closer.

“i wish,” your voice is soft, it’s shakes and trembles and oikawa swears his heart shatters.

“i wish i told you i love you.”

and now there’s a knot in his stomach.

“i wish i told you sooner.”

it tightens.

and there’s a silence that lingers, one filled with your soft sniffles and the crackling of the fire next to you as oikawa rubs circles into your back. your head still rests on his shoulder, breath a bit more steady as your tears slowly stop, relief washing over you at the fact that you didn’t need to feel anymore regret towards that last item on your list.

you’ve been terrified of telling him for years, constantly watching him being adored by fangirls and wishing you could measure up. it’s quite pathetic, you think to yourself, that you did nothing but pine for him all these years yet still wish for that high school romance.

if you said something, it could’ve happened.

and that realization only adds salt to the wound.

oikawa’s voice is soft when it breaks the silence.

“you wanna know what i regret?”

your voice is barely above a whisper, “what?”

“i wish i told you that i love you too.”

and his words instantly get your attention.

you pull yourself off his shoulder, “you do?”

“it’s my biggest regret,” he nods, a soft smile on his lips. “although, i don’t think we need to regret it too much now.”

“we have one week left,” you mumble.

“that’s more than enough time for us,” he answers, the distance between you both slowly decreasing. “one week to have your high school romance.”

and a small laugh from you follows his words as oikawa closes the gap, his lips finally meeting yours. the sounds of the crackling fire and your racing heartbeat rang through your ears as you cupped oikawa’s cheek, not missing how he leaned in impossibly closer to you. there’s a laugh that leaves his lips as you two pull away, resting your forehead against yours, feeling as if you’re on cloud nine.

it’s euphoric.

he’s euphoric.

your head rests on his shoulder, “now how long have we been regretting this?” you tease.

“longer than you’ll ever know,” he answers. “but it’s okay, now we’re just making up for lost time.”

it’s your last week of high school, the last time you and oikawa would ever be on this roof together following the tradition you’ve kept for the past three years. but this time, as you looked into the fire once more with his arm over your shoulder, there’s no regret in your system. no “i wish” or “what ifs” clouding your mind. instead, there’s hope, hope now that your feelings are finally out there, hope because he feels the same way as you.

hope that this would be the love you always wanted.

thank u so so much for reading!! reblogs are always appreciated <33

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