#i mean they’re both queer and they both involve the supernatural world

[not-the-living-ghost]

okay i know this post is for a ridiculously small demographic (like probably 4 people max will even know what i’m talking about), but i think that charles rowland would get along very well with teo from the sunbearer trials, and i would love to see how a conversation between the two of them would go

[genyasafinsmissingeye]

The essay I wrote about TRC- Ronan, Kavinsky, and Rovinsky

“The Dream Thieves” found it’s core villain in Joseph Kavinsky- a rich boy degenerate with a passion for drugs, street racing, ragers and a slew of others vices that fuel his hedonistic lifestyle, and his tendencies for self destruction. 

 Kavinsky- as he’s often referred to, isn’t a nice guy, let’s make that clear. He’s rude. He’s provocative. He’s obnoxious, with little on the outside picturing him as anything but a privileged kid who likes to think he’s a punk.  One of our protagonists once said this about him: “There was nothing about Joseph Kavinsky that wasn’t despicable.” 

Maybe they’re right. He was despicable, but from the scant references to his background story, it seems that he had quite a few influences to be molded that way.

 We know very little about his past other than this: he lives with his mother whose septum was withered away by cocaine usage, his gang-member father either a) tried to kill him- what Kavinsky tells one of our protagonists in privacy and vulnerability, or b) Kavinsky tried (or attempted to) kill him, and that’s why he moved away from his home town to the stories setting. It’s likely the latter is the true one, given what we know about Kavinsky’s father and the scene involving Kavinsky’s confession.

 As a side note, Kavinsky’s mother had one scene- one, and it only lasted a few lines, in which she was vomiting out her guts over a toilet, likely from substance use. 

 I wanted the author to touch on the aspect of Kavinsky’s tragic home life more, to humanize him further than the few lines about that topic he was given. He is widely hated by readers, and though I do believe he was a ‘bad person’, whatever that means, he deserved more of a character than the bully with a few great one liners. His character was simultaneously complex and treated poorly- he had all these nuances that in the end, were barely even touched on or acknowledged. 

We know Kavinsky’s life was bad enough that along with being a seventeen year old drug addict, he’d also rather live in his dreams than in reality. In his words: “The world's a nightmare.” And when I say ‘living in his dreams’, I mean literally- the world he goes to when he falls asleep. The Raven Cycle is a fantasy, and Kavinsky is a human-like supernatural entity that can pull things out of his dreams, and practically live in the world he goes to when he falls asleep. This world is isolated and dangerous, and he’d rather live here than in reality. That says something. 

There was so much potential Kavinsky had, given how titular of a character he was to Ronan’s character development, but he was underused and underdeveloped. 

Then there is the terrible end to Joseph Kavinsky.

Up until the last fifty-so pages, I, and many other readers, were convinced that Kavinsky was on his way to a redemption arc: He had helped our protagonist learn about his powers and he was, though minimally, humanized, with those snippets of his backstory, plus several scenes with him and Ronan verging on more than platonic.

This is a huge aspect of the story, the blurry lines between friendship and hate and repressed homosexuality between Kavinsky and Ronan. Ronan, we figure out at the end of the novel, is gay, and, though it’s never really said or acted upon, it appears that Kavinsky is aswell.  Afterall, Ronan and Kavinsky are parallels of each other, from their self destructive tendencies to the monsters in their dreams.

 The monsters lead to an interesting metaphor-in the end, Ronan trains a night horror and is no longer hurt by them, while Kavinsky lets one of his kill him. I think this is a direct metaphor for, along with others vices, the struggles of coming to terms with sexuality, especially when both are “macho” and raised religious, like Ronan and Kavinsky. Most of the quotes regarding Kavinsky’s queerness are either entire chapters or not school appropriate, but Ronan’s bestfriend says: “I think he just needs to come to terms with his sexuality.” In response to something Kavinsky did, and that pretty much proves everything. (Well said!)

There was plenty to convince the readers that Kavinsky had a reason to be who he was, and was redeemable. Sure he was despicable, but he was taught to be. Then everything was washed down the drain. 

Ronan and Kavinsky’s relationship was developed and developed, then simply dropped in the matter of pages. This is where the character devolution of Joseph Kavinsky’s character began. Ronan realizes that Kavinsky isn’t good for him and only fuels his bad habits, his other friends helping him come to this conclusion. While true, he basically implied Kavinsky was soulless in doing so, and didn’t shy away from telling Kavinsky he thought that. In response, Kavinsky goes manic,  implying Ronan was the only hope he saw for redemption or goodness- the only person who understood him. 

Then he kidnaps a guy and then commits suicide. The end. 

I believe that, by the very end of the novel, Kavinsky was irredeemable,  but he had so much potential to be- until it was all thrown away for the sake of Ronan’s character arc.

 Until the very last pages, the only person Kavinsky ever wanted to hurt was himself. 

 After Kavinsky’s death, Ronan says this in his internal monologue: “Kavinsky was dying since the day he met him. They both had.” And I think that sums it up perfectly. Ronan's struggles and Kavinsky’s struggles were the same, but Ronan had a support system and Kavinsky had no one. He was a bad guy, sure, but it would be ignorant to think he was born that way. 

(Another section below, centering around Ronan)

Ronan Lynch, the main focus of “The Dream Thieves” is, for the lack of better words, a trainwreck. He is a mess of insecurity, repression, and a slew of mental illnesses ranging from PTSD to intense suicidal tendencies. 

In the first book, we know little about Ronan, given his lack of a chapter in his point of view. We know his father was killed and he found the body, and he had an alleged suicide attempt. Though it wasn’t actually a suicide attempt, but a dreamcreature who nearly killed him back when he kept his abilities a secret. But the thing about dreams is that they’re the subconscious, the things you didn’t know you wanted or even thought about. So, though Ronan wasn’t the one that hurt himself, it happened because he, somewhere in the depths of his mind, he really wished it would.

So, what are some of the factors that lead to this? His greatest struggle? 

In the second book all of these formerly mentioned things are highlighted in his perspective, finally giving a glimpse into the mind of this character who was previously pushed aside. 

  Ronan’s father shared his same supernatural abilities, the thing that connected the two so closely- it was no secret Ronan was his fathers favorite, something that fueled the tense relationship between him and his older brother. 

But Ronan’s relationship with his father isn’t black and white, not even including the details of Niall Lynch’s brutal murder before the begining of the novel. The Lynch family is staunchly Catholic, Niall especially so, and Ronan takes after him. In the last section, I mentioned that Ronan is gay, which is a main focus of this book- Ronan’s slow relization and back-in-forth mental debates and internal conflicts.

Everyone knows being gay and Catholic don’t mix very well. Ronan fears that his father might not like the person who he is now, whether it be gay or his reckless tendencies. Religious guilt is commonly mentioned in his perspective, especially in this quote here: “Ronan gave in to the brief privilege of hating himself, as he always did in church. There was something satisfying about acknowledging this hatred, something relieving about this little present he allowed himself each Sunday.”

The Dream Theives is filled with religous allegories, and I think it’s no secret why the object of Ronan’s affection’s name is Adam. 

[hettolandija]

So, Denver Con 2021, THE QUESTION from J2 panel:

Q: Okay so I’m a mom - a couple of my kids identify as queer, I always appreciated how like, organically you introduced gay characters into things - sorry I’m shaking, I’m so nervous. And so my question is - with Castiel, when did you know that the way he loved Dean was in a romantic, like deep love? Like when in the series did you know - because we always kinda debate over - see this is when they’re, you know, kinda dropping hints-

Jared: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [to Jensen] Do you want to take this, do you want me to take this?

Jensen: Sure.

[both Jared and Jensen trying to speak at once]

Jensen: Um. I don’t - I don’t think Dean ever really knew until the very end there. Um. In fact I know he didn’t because I never played that. I would say - when Jensen found out, or when it was kinda discussed internally that it- I- it’s interesting because  the- I think "romantic"- [Jared interrupts here]

Jared: I think the point is- [Jensen interrupts to finish his thought]

Jensen: I think the term 'romantic’ is being used because there isn’t a term that necessarily- [Jared interrupts here]

I wonder where was Jensen going with his answer, because it looks like he wanted to remind us AGAIN that we shouldn't categorize angels' emotions in human terms.

Jared [using air quotes to indicate that he’s quoting the show]: He’s “junkless,” you know?

Jensen: uh, yeah…[Jared interrupts here]

Jared: I think the point- [Jensen interrupts to finish his thought]

Jensen: I don’t think lust is–is involved with the romanticism- [Jared interrupts here and Jensen gives up]

generous interpretation: Jensen wants to remind us that having romantic feelings doesn't necessarily equate wanting to have sex.

less-generous interpretation: romantic gay love is ok, as long as it doesn't involve sex (but I don't think he meant it that way)

Jared: I don’t think it’s the point that they both have… human male bodies, seemingly…and…want to…sleep with each other, i think the point is that, like, you could love anything. like It’s a superpower [Jensen nods here]. You can love - Someone can punch you in the face and you can say, “I love you, I forgive you.” Someone can give you a million bucks, and you can go, “I love you.” It doesn’t mean, like - I say that with my friends, I say it with Ackles, like, “Hey, I love you, man.” It doesn’t mean like, “I wanna take you to a hotel room", it just means that I love you. [1] And so that was, the - the - the point of the relationship, story-wise, is that they could love each other, you know - Sam and Dean loved each other, it wasn’t a show about incest, you now. Cas and Dean can love each other, it’s not a show about - it’s not a show about heterosexuality or non-binary - it’s a show about like "hey, you can choose to live your life with love", not "hey, this means they wanna make out". It’s not about that. [2] It’s about - I can tell my son, “I love you,” and it’s not that I want to do something to or with my son, I just love my son. My daughter can say the same thing. So that wasn’t, I’m sorry, that wasn’t the point of that scene. The point was, you are free to love whoever you want, you can be heterosexual and love whoever you want, you can be queer and love whoever you want, you can be any part of the LGBTQIA and love whoever the fuck you want - sorry for my cursing - it doesn’t mean you want to do something with them or to them. So hopefully Supernatural in its 327 episodes helped to have people love those around them.

[twice in the course of Jared's speech Jensen opened his mouth about to say something, but ultimately decided to let Jared finish first]

So I have a few questions for Jared:

- If 'I love you' when we say it to our children or friends is always meant to be in a platonic way and we can be any part of LGBTQIA and love whoever we want and the 'I love you' holds the same magnitude, then does romantic love exist in his world at all?

-why is he so vehemently against 'I love you' meant to be understood in a sexual or even romantic way in the confession scene, that he throws it in the same category as incest or pedophilia? what is wrong with gay love being not only being romantic feelings but also about sex?

- was Anna Milton also junkless? Was Cas magically not junkless when he became human in s9 (and Dean was sending him on a date)?

- angels making nephilim were also "junkless"?

- what about the whole "Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets" episode?

- what about Adam and Serafina in season 15???

- Cas had said "I love you" to Dean twice before and it was meant platonically, so if saying this for the third time was also in a bro way, then why would it be so special, that saying it again made Cas the happiest in his life and triggered his deal with the Empty? Why would Cas think that friendship with Dean is something, that he knows that he can't have? Just a few episodes ago (in 15x09) Dean told Cas thah he is his best friend.

- was Jared watching different show?

- is he as stupid as tall or he is doing this because the audience is mostly bibros?

- why is he talking what Cas was feeling in that scene, when the question wasn't even about it?

Jensen: I think that’s really what was - and I’m just piggybacking off of what he said in that- that the love that Cas had is heavenly - it was, you know, he’s an angel, so he’s able to... he’s able to, I think, love on a level and on a plane that human emotion doesn’t necessarily comprehend. And I think we might default to making it a romantic or a sexual love, when - I think-  the way that I kind of interpreted it - and this is the great thing about the show and the relationships and some of these characters is, that they’re open for interpretation [Jared nods in agreement]. If you find identity in a character because of whatever reason, fantastic, great. If that encourages you to be a better person or to love someone a little harder or to forgive someone for something, then fantastic. That’s - I think that’s one of the beautiful things about doing what we do is we get to encourage people on a variety of levels.

Jared: To think.

Jensen: And I think Cas’s love was a love that isn’t identified by humans, necessarily. It was a love that superseded [making a hand gesture indicating that he means something higher, above] that. We try to find words to describe that, and I just don’t think there are words.

Jared: Yeah. But thank you, and glad y’all connected with it, on whatever level.

Nowhere in this speech Jensen had said that Castiel's love is canonically only platonic or that it was something below the level of romantic. He said that for him it was something heavenly and love on a level and on a plane that human emotion doesn’t necessarily comprehend. Which is consistent with his interview form 2020 where he said:

 "But you also have to remember that Cas is a celestial being, and he’s thinking in a way that might not be comprehensible by a human heart or by a human brain. So the things that he says- I always from Dean’s perspective- I don’t know if I understand where he’s coming from or what he means from a humanistic stand point, Even though he kind of transferred into a human over the course of twelve years. But he was always coming from this, there was always an angelic aspect to him that Dean may, or may not  have understood.

So I don’t know, don’t know how humanistic the feelings being professed at that moment were, or maybe they were, maybe that was what was happening. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer. I think that’s the beauty of what this story gives you, hopefully it gives everybody something".

And about the nature of Cas's confession being open to interpretation part, It's also nothing new, because in 2020 Jensen had said this:

[,,,]From Dean’s perspective, and Misha and I have talked about this, we’ve talked about this prior to filming that scene, during that scene, and we’ve talked about it since. I’ve actually talked to him uh, a lot this past week, about the reaction, what we want to add to that reaction, how we want to navigate that. Because we’re getting a lot of questions about what do you think, what do you mean, what was your intent, and he and I both kind of talked about, well if you, and this may be a little a little too out there but go with me here- Well artists don’t stand in a gallery next to their painting and tell you exactly what you should be seeing. And I kind of, I hope it doesn’t sound like a cop out, because it’s not meant to be, its truly meant to be. I knew where Jensen was in that scene, I also was making a choice for Dean in that scene. I kind of knew what I was trying to play with him, but at the same time what came across from a visual standpoint and a storytelling standpoint, and the audience perspective could be a multitude of things. And I would just, I would never want to tell someone what they should and shouldn’t see. Um, and not that, and again I’m not trying to do a cop out because I know it was a very important scene on a variety of levels, but I kind of, and I always thought i mean I'll give you guys a little bit of an insight into. There were no choices made on Dean’s part, and I hope I made that apparent because he was dealing with something far greater than what Cas was expressing to him. He was dealing with his friend was about to die. So I’m not sure that Dean absorbed or processed anything that was coming out of his mouth at that moment.

On the next day of Denver Con, Misha had panel with Alex, where Misha gave similar, "open for interpretation", long, nonanswer about what Cas was feeling in the confession scene:

Q: So my question. um yeah, my question is about the confession scene. um... before- [to person handling the microphone] no? I'm not allowed to ask about the confession?

Misha: Yes, you are.

Q: ok, thank you.  um... so when- uh before Cas says that he loves Dean, um... he says that uh... Oh my gosh I'm so. Drawing a blank here, um, but he says that there was something- he knows what he wanted, there's something that he wanted that he knows he can't have, um and I kind of felt like he knows that he has Dean's friendship, he knows that they're family and he knows that he was forgiven. So I was wondering what your, your um... interpretation of what Cas's- his ultimate- what he wants that he can't have?

Misha: [deep breath] um, well... You know, I wish I actually remembered the actual text better and I'm sure that you could call it up for me, but um... but I... I have my interpretation. I know what was going on in Cas's head, because I was Cas. Um... and that gives me, um some insight. But I don't really want to break it apart in nuanced ways, um.. from my interpretation,  because then that becomes like the definitive answer for what was, you know, happening ; and I, like uh someone asked me to interpret one of my poems the other day and, first of all I had no fucking Idea what it was about, but secondly um... I don't like to do that with art in general. I think it's kind of um-  I like the- I like the audience to analyze what has been presented by the artist and not have the artist come out and explain "so this is what I meant, this was my intention at this beat, this is what I meant by knowing that I couldn't have". Um.. so,  yeah, I don't know. I also beca- yes, also because it's like particularly - I mean I think if this was like a fleeting insignificant moment on the show, it would be one thing and I probably would weigh in on, but because this is like, you know, it's a seminal moment, it's my characters last scene on the show, I don't want  my interpretation of it to be like the definitive word. I want it to be- wanted to be everyone's personal journey. And- Yes, and I will say one more thing, which is that I- there's certainly no interpretations of that- that- I'm going to say... um...  [long pause] This is like such a minefield.  [another long pause] I don't' know. I know what I- I know how I approached it and I feel really good about it, and I'll be honest with you: I kind of feel like that came across. Um... so there you go. I gave you- I gave you the best I could. I'm not really terribly well trained as an actor, so I could have probably done a better job, but I gave you the best I could. And I think I tried to convey- I think I tried to convey my intention, um, as clearly and, and... honestly as I could.

Q: Thank you.

Misha: Yeah.

Alex: Your beautiful, lovely, throbbing interpretation.

[Misha, after laughing for 6 seconds, is making a fist bump with Alex]

It's also worth noticing that, nowhere in J2 panel, Jensen states what, in his opinion, Dean feels toward Castiel.

But don't worry Mr. Ackles, I saw your unscripted acting choices. I saw your unprompted "Dean has no taste, clearly."

I haven't forgotten about it.

---------

EDIT: I forgot to add - Jared got enthusiastic applause after his veird speech, so it was very hard for Jesen to disagree with him while on stage

[amispnrewatch]

SPN 1x06 “Skin”

Okay, I’m gonna try to type while I watch this time instead of forgetting this blog exists until the episode is almost over.

You can tell the footage for the previously on segment was saved on a VHS copy instead of the original film that the show was shot with because even in the HD iTunes version I have it looks low quality as fuck. And jumpy in the way that brings me back to my teens watching the WB all the damn time.

I love this song. WTF is this song. Shazam says “Good Deal” by Mommy and Daddy. I… have no comment, except that it sounds like everything I was listening to in college at the time this shit was airing.

Aaaaand not!Dean turns around to face the SWAT team after obviously torturing some woman. THAT is a cold open.

I wanna know what that car is in the background. It’s pretty. Maybe a convertible Impala? They have similar grills. This is not at all important.

Also, I love that with these higher definition versions of the episodes you can see that Sam’s email is lawboy and whatever dot com and that people in the fandom have started calling him Law Boy. It’s hilarious.

DEAN: Well, what exactly do you tell ‘em? You know, about where you’ve been, what you’ve been doin’?

SAM: I tell ‘em I’m on a road trip with my big brother. I tell ‘em I needed some time off after Jess.

DEAN: Oh, so you lie to ‘em.

SAM: No. I just don’t tell ‘em….everything.

DEAN: Yeah, that’s called lying. I mean, hey, man, I get it, tellin’ the truth is far worse.

SAM: So, what am I supposed to do, just cut everybody out of my life? (DEAN shrugs.) You’re serious?

DEAN: Look, it sucks, but in a job like this, you can’t get close to people, period.

Aaaaand now I have Dean and Cassie feelings again and we haven’t even gotten to her episode yet.

SAM: No, man, I know Zack. He’s no killer.

DEAN: Well, maybe you know Zack as well as he knows you.

Aaaaaand now I have Dean and Lee feelings and we’re nowhere near Lee’s episode in season 15.

YOU JUST BLEW THROUGH A STOP SIGN DEAN WTF.

Little Becky. Oi with the reusing of names.

Of course Sam made friends with a bunch of rich kids while he was at college in a desperate attempt to try to be normal.

SAM: You know, maybe we could see the crime scene. Zack’s house.

DEAN: We could.

REBECCA: Why? I mean, what could you do?

SAM: Well, me, not much. But Dean’s a cop. (DEAN laughs.)

DEAN: Detective, actually.

I love that Dean was like “how dare you call me that.”

Okay, after a bit of research, I totally want to take a day trip to Bisbee, Arizona, but it’s already in the 90s here in the desert and it’s not even May so that trip is going to have to wait until… winter or something. There is no way in hell I’m going deeper into the desert when the weather gets hotter.

It’s a historic mining town tourist trap looking place now which is exactly the kind of shit I love.

SAM: Bec, look, I know Zack didn’t do this. Now, we have to find a way to prove that he’s innocent.

I mean, not technically, technically you would 1) NOT FUCK WITH A MURDER INVESTIGATION YOU’RE NOT LEGALLY INVOLVED IN BECAUSE ANYTHING YOU FIND WOULD BE INADMISSABLE IN COURT 2) find evidence to provide a reasonable doubt for the jury that he did commit the crime. You know, like a lawyer would need to do, Law Boy.

DEAN: I just don’t think this is our kind of problem.

When I made my husband watch this show with me (he’s seen it all at least once now over the years) this is the recurring thing that drove him crazy.

You guys can’t even go in through the back door? Or shut the front door behind you? Really?

REBECCA: (tearfully) Well, there���s no sign of a break-in. They say that Emily let her attacker in.

Yeah, that doesn’t even really mean that she knew her attacker. Just that it was someone she let her guard down around or got in some other way. See: The Son of Sam and Nightstalker, etc.

Love the pinup magnet on the fridge. I’d throw shade at that, but I have a pinup magnet on my fridge too so… pot kettle and all that.

Okay, both people in the next couple are gorgeous.

And oh wow those special effects changing eyes… wow.

This poor couple. I feel so bad for them in this episode.

How… how are the police gonna explain the way he was able to beat himself over the head with a bat??? I…

I love that 5:30 in the morning on TV is clearly like… 10 AM.

Okay, this is a really unrelated point, but the graffiti on the dumpster here reminds me of the Teen Wolf fandoms use of the name Void!Stiles when Stiles Stilinski was possessed by a Nogitsune… I just spent way too long digging through YouTube and my Tumblr tags from back when those episodes were airing looking for a few specific videos and couldn’t find them. The TL;DR reason I bring it up here is goofball, bi-coded main character guy getting possessed by an entity set on destroying the people he loves. SOUNDS LIKE THIS EPISODE AND A WHOLE LOT OF SPN RIGHT. I love that all these monster hunting shows call out to each other.

This scene haunts me years later and I don’t even WATCH Teen Wolf. I just watched the fandom on Tumblr collectively lose it’s shit then tripped down a Hale Pack fanfiction rabbit hole.

ANYWAY

Back to Supernatural, a show that also treated its fan base, cast, and characters like garbage! Huzzah!

DEAN: Well, there’s another way to go—down. (They look down and notice a manhole.)

I’m gonna be mature and ignore the double entendre there…

But I love that Dean thinks of the world in 3D. Which sounds like a dumb statement to make, but this is honestly a good example of that in action.

SAM: I bet this runs right by Zack’s house, too.

Really Sam, sewers run by houses? SO WEIRD. I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED.

DEAN: You know, I just had a sick thought. When the shapeshifter changes shape—maybe it sheds.

SAM: That is sick. (DEAN puts the bloody pile back on the ground.)

Guys, there is a WHOLE ASS EAR in that pile of yuck you’re looking at. I think it’s pretty safe to assume the shapeshifter indeed sheds its skin like a snake. A much… gooier snake.

Sam’s friend is rightfully pissed at him for fucking with the crime scene.

This is before the pearl gripped guns?! Wow. I never noticed that before.

Also, this whole episode gives me feelings.

++++

Cool. Tumblr mobile ate a whole section of my notes on this when it crashed for NO APPARENT REASON. Love that.

It always boggles my mind that actors can trust the people they’re working with enough to let people “tie” ropes around their neck or put them in actually dangerous positions in a scene.

SHAPESHIFTER: He’s sure got issues with you. You got to go to college. He had to stay home. I mean, I had to stay home. With Dad. You don’t think I had dreams of my own? But Dad needed me. Where the hell were you?

SAM: Where is my brother? (The shapeshifter leans in close to SAM.)

SHAPESHIFTER: I am your brother. See, deep down, I’m just jealous. You got friends. You could have a life. Me? I know I’m a freak. And sooner or later, everybody’s gonna leave me. (He backs away.)

SAM: What are you talkin’ about?

SHAPESHIFTER: You left. Hell, I did everything Dad asked me to, and he ditched me, too. No explanation, nothin’, just poof. Left me with your sorry ass. But, still, this life? It’s not without its perks. (He laughs.) I meet the nicest people. Like little Becky. You know, Dean would bang her if he had the chance. Let’s see what happens. (He smiles and covers SAM with a sheet.)

This exchange is just… so much. So many feelings. And I will forever (unless we magically get a fix-it fic mini season someday…) be SO MAD that none of this got resolved in that pointless, trash heap of a finale.

REBECCA: Okay, so, this thing—it can make itself look like anybody?

SHAPESHIFTER: That’s right. (She chuckles.)

REBECCA: Well, what is it, like a genetic freak? (The shapeshifter laughs.)

SHAPESHIFTER: Maybe. Evolution is about mutation, right? So, maybe this thing was born human but was different. Hideous and hated. Until he learned to become someone else. (REBECCA looks around, uncomfortable. The shapeshifter’s eyes glint silver, and he smiles.)

It always amazes me how much of this show is a pile of accidental queer allegories parading around in an ill-fitting toxic masculinity suit.

Vulcan mind meld! I love nerd!Dean. Also, I’m rewatching Star Trek: TOS with my husband, because that is what my life amounts to these days, rewatching comfort TV and flailing over the bits I love.

This post does a better job than I can do of pairing up screen caps with the dialogue of this next scene. SIX EPISODES IN. They’re dumping all of this character depth SIX EPISODES IN. FUCK THIS SHOW FOR NOT EMBRACING ITSELF.

Okay, I love that he screams back in her face after he threw the phone. It’s not something to laugh at because the situation is horrifying, but I can’t help laughing at it every time.

AND THE WAY THEY CUT THESE SCENES. Going from him winding his hand back to backslap her directly to him dropping the chains on the table to show how hard he must have hit her without actually making the actors hit each other. Good job editing department!

I… don’t understand the shifter’s motivation for killing people. If he can take over people’s identities without killing them, why kill them? Is it just because he’s a homicidal, rapist piece of shit? Cause that’s all it seems like.

How did the SWAT team even know she was being attacked? Why can the snipers aim no better than Storm Troopers?

Ugh, these kind of transformation body horror scenes are exactly why werewolf stories have never really appealed to me much. Like, I could do without watching your ribs move and teeth fall out, dude.

BUT.

THIS FUCKING SCENE.

I looked up the song that’s playing over shapeshifter!Dean being caught by the SWAT team and then going through the grotesque transformation. (And as far as I know, the iTunes version has the original music from the episodes.)

It’s a song called “Mary” by The Death Riders

Who's your mother, who's your mother here boy // Who's your mother, whos your mommy dear // Who's your father, who's your father here boy // Who's your father, who's your daddy dear

Silently screaming // Where everyone knows // Daddy's always watchin' // Where everywhere - everywhere I go

I don't wanna be a freak show pretty boy anymore // I don't wanna be a full time slave // I don't wanna be your midnight cowboy anymore // I just want to be Mary

This is… a fascinating choice. Here are the rest of the lyrics. The song as a whole has a weird incesty kinda vibe to it? Kinda like when SPN tries to straight-wash itself and misses the mark wildly. (Like Dean’s male siren episode.)

The midnight cowboy line reminded me of 12x11 and the bull riding scene with “Broomstick Cowboy” by Bobby Goldsboro playing over it

Dream on, little Broomstick Cowboy, // Dream while you can; // Of big green frogs, // And puppy dogs, // And castles in the sand.

For, all too soon you'll awaken; // Your toys will all be gone. // Your broomstick horse will ride away, // To find another home. // And you'll have grown into a man, // With cowboys of your own. // And then you'll have to go to war, // To try and save your home.

And then you'll have to learn to hate; // You'll have to learn to kill. // It's always been that way, my son; // I guess it always will.

Because, you know, why not add tons of feelings into the lyrics, right?

Props to the people who can embrace their rewatches and reclamations of the show with ease. Because every episode seems to remind me of how hollow and tragic Dean’s ending was and I just… struggle all over again.

Anyway, back to the episode so I can move on with my day.

REPORTER: An anonymous tip led police to a home in the Central West End, where a S.W.A.T team discovered a local woman bound and gagged. Her attacker, a white male, approximately twenty-four to thirty years of age, was discovered hiding in her home. (A sketch of DEAN appears on the screen.)

DEAN: Man! That’s not even a good picture. (SAM looks around cautiously.)

SAM: It’s good enough. (He walks away.)

DEAN: Man! (He follows SAM.)

(CUT TO: Alley. DEAN and SAM are walking. DEAN steps into a puddle.)

DEAN: Ugh, come on.

I love that we get two tiny little back-to-back vanity moments for Dean here. One commenting on the sketch artist rendition of him being broadcasted on the news and the other tripping in the puddle. There is literally someone running around the city trying to kill people while wearing Dean’s face, but Dean is still concerned with how he looks appears to others. He’s still concerned with keeping up his own performance. The shifter left him with just a t-shirt, so he doesn’t even have his usual comfort layers on and at any moment someone could spot him and call the police or try to kill him for assaulting Sam’s friend. His life is wildly out of control in that moment and the only thing he can try to focus on is his appearance (something semi-controllable) and finding the shifter before any of that other shit can happen.

One day I want to put together a like top 10 episodes focusing on / explaining each TFW character from the series. Like the kind of list you could show someone who’s never seen the show, but has OPINIONS about the characters (or who hasn’t seen the whole show and seen the growth they went through… you know, like the people responsible for the travesty of 15x20). This episode would be on that list. I’m not sure how I could manage to make a list of only 10 episodes to understand Dean Winchester by, but eh.

SAM: What are you gonna do to me?

SHAPESHIFTER: Oh, I’m not gonna do anything. Dean will, though.

SAM: They’ll never catch him.

SHAPESHIFTER: Oh, doesn’t matter. Murder in the first of his own brother? He’ll be hunted the rest of his life. (He picks up a sharp knife and examines it.)

Speaking of season 15 in general, this right here. This was Chuck’s villain story arc thesis statement. AND THEY DROPPED THE GODDAMN BALL WITH IT. I think that’s the thing that honestly pisses me off the most these days (about 5 1/2 months from when the finale aired) is that they tried making the whole thing a tragedy but did such an awful job with it that it just ended up like a deflating condom balloon at a dive bar concert. Disappointing and gross. The finale for season 14 set them up SO FUCKING WELL and it just… didn’t get there.

Becky’s parents are gonna be pissed at how torn up their house is after all this shit…

And you’re not shooting him when you first see him strangling Sam because…?????

I like that he took the necklace back. Also, is this kinda Dean death number .5 of the show? Like it wasn’t him but it was also kinda him. Eh.

At least they left the windshield on Baby this time. Reflections are better than tearing her apart.

[ayellowbirds]

Today being my birthday, i had the time and energy to finally do some drawing after ages of neither time nor drive. So, i spent that on sketching out some headshots of the recurring characters of 33 Usher Street, my 1920s (and beyond?) vampire hunters story. Meet the employees, management, friends, and nuisances of the Usher Street House of Antiquities and Curios, an estate management company specializing in settling the affairs of the unusually deceased. This is both a source of income and a cover for their real calling: the elimination of dangerous vampires and other hostile undead. 

Solomon “Sol” Szombathy (gay intersex man), a Jewish dhampir of Romanian-American extraction (late of Pittsburgh, Vandalia) has arrived at the USHAC with his guardian in tow, after both of them got involved in a vampire attack. Sol’s ability to see the invisible and the surges of supernatural strength he gets when battling the undead are especially useful, as is the hawthorn-wood cane he uses to deal with the chronic pain he feels the rest of the time. 

James “Jim” Cullock III (asexual cisgender man) is a Scottish immigrant who helped co-found the USHAC as the assistant of a longtime vampire hunter; his love of gardening has given him many potent botanical weapons against vampires, including especially hardy and richly-scented roses that repel most bloodsuckers. He’s taken to maintaining a backstage role for the most part, as his lifelong issues with visual hallucinations have gotten worse with age.

The Reverend Doctor Matteus J. Hammer (transgender man of no particular sexuality) is an aging monster hunter of no small repute, his experience having brought him briefly as a boarder to the Szombathy house. His recommendation brought Sol to Usher Street, but can the perspective of this eccentric wandering hero be relied upon?

Randolph Carter (in-denial bisexual cis man) was once an author of minor repute with a fondness for the strange and occult, but encounters with the genuinely supernatural have mellowed his previously bigoted worldview. While he still struggles to be a halfway decent person in a reality that is at odds with his beliefs, his expertise with languages, obscure subject matters, and research makes him at least a useful jackass when it comes to spending time among his books.

Pluton is a very good judge of character, for a one-eyed cat. And oddly skilled at making his way out of dangerous situations, to the point that one might almost think he has more than the usual nine lives. It’s no wonder that the USHAC often bring the cat along.

Constance “Connie” Wright (pansexual cis woman) is a former orphan with the miraculous talent to ‘chew’ raw materials into new shapes, a skill she most often uses to create nails for sealing up coffins and the like. Naturally, the rail-thin Connie’s favorite weapon is a heavily weighted steel sledgehammer, when she can’t just do some slugging with a sturdy baseball bat.

Dorotheea “Dotty” Szombathy (transgender lesbian) is a golem that once served as Sol’s guardian, and is now happily living as his adopted sister. Her ability to reshape her naturally earthen clay body pairs well with her immunity to most forms of vampiric attack, as an artificial being. Prone to switching between having difficulty speaking at all and being effusively loquacious, she finds it easiest to focus when she has something to occupy her hands and mind.

Marie Bosley (bisexual cis woman) was and is the greatest vampire hunter in the United States, even if these days she prefers to stay at home and listen to music. Her unmatched knowledge of apotropaic magic allows her to create boundaries and barriers that no vampiric influence can pass, and lets her open the way for her proteges.

Esther "Essie” Levi (asexual cis woman) is the self-proclaimed ‘fastest knot-tier east of the Rockies’, and an unmatched expert in knotting string, yarn, thread, and cord to achieve magical effects. Paired with a gift for strategic thinking and an eye for symptoms of vampirism, she can easily weave a web that no bloodsucker is going to get through.

Aleister “Al” Jones (gay cis man) is a multilingual expert in stealth, infiltration, and charm whose gentlemanly demeanor is in no way at odds with his fondness for boxing. Unfortunately for opponents that would see him as unarmed except for a disarming smile, he’s also the bearer of a pair of gloves lined with the relics of a Catholic saint invoked against vampires.

Wilhemina “Will” Fawkes (lesbian cis woman) is the USHAC’s resident machinery buff, with cutting-edge expertise in automobiles, radios, firearms, and more. Her fondness for artifice means that the only thing that can distract her from something shiny and new is an animated short at the nearest theater, and her love of testing the limits of machinery means that her allies often find she’s made unexpected ‘upgrades’ to important equipment.

Adriaen ten Boom (bisexual cis man) is the most senior of the employees of the USHAC, a skilled actor whose pyrokinetic gift makes his good looks more than just smoldering. In spite of these charms, he’s actually fairly naïve when it comes to romance, and is prone to charming his way into entanglements he didn’t mean to get into.

Smith the Mechanical Heel (just a real dick) is a World’s Fair experiment gone wrong, and now runs the criminal underworld in Jackson, Massachusetts—which puts him at odds with the USHAC, since that’s where their home base is. He sees most of the employees as potentially useful additions to his crew, but he’s especially interested in learning more about Dotty’s magically-constructed nature, in the hopes of making himself more lifelike. He’s not above getting involved in things that involve the undead....

The Ghosts of Madeline and Roderick Usher (cis lesbian and cis gay man) are the former owners of the land on which the USHAC was built, and haven’t moved on since the new tenants turned up. Freed of mortal concerns, they’re fond of teasing the living staff members, and serve as a second line of defense after Marie’s wards and magical traps. Roderick is absolutely certain that he’s going to get his ectoplasm all up on Randolph one of these days, and nobody feels up to questioning his taste in men; Madeline is the company gossip fiend and the best source of information on comings and goings at 33 Usher Street.

Dr. Joaquín de la Garza (closeted nonbinary queer) is a local physician who has a close working relationship with the USHAC, and is very fond of the mysteries and excitement they bring to his life. Exactly what brought a medical expert of Zapotec and Spanish heritage all the way up east is uncertain, but the good doctor seems to know a lot more about the supernatural than one might expect from just his familiarity with the secrets of the Usher Street staff.

Phoebe Khrysos (???) is a remarkably pristine ancient automaton, whose actual provenance is uncertain. Resembling a child made of silver, glass, and gold, she has a mischievous mystery about her that makes her more like a mechanical fairy than a precious relic. What motivates her and how she sees the living and the undead remain to be seen....

Zuleika Dobson (pansexual cis woman) is a a con artist, thief, and scammer who has broken many hearts and far more bank accounts; her lack of concern about what she leaves in her wake may have finally caught up with her when she targets some valuable goods in a city with a vampire problem. Can someone so untrustworthy be relied upon when there’s undeath to deal with, or will her self interest put her in the way of both bloodsuckers and the USHAC alike?

33 Usher Street leans heavily on the public domain, and will do so much more than just in the few characters here that originated elsewhere. Some of these designs are likely to change as the story develops, but i’m just so happy to finally get them on paper!

[holyhellpod]

Heyoooo, it’s another episode of Holy Hell! This one is dedicated to the manchild himself, Dean Winchester. 

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Transcript below!

CW: discussions of child abuse, child death, suicide, alcoholism, family trauma, mental health

[Music]

Dean Winchester is, in a word, my soulmate. I started kinning him when the show aired in Australia on Fox8 and I have not been the same since. From his devil-may-care attitude to his undying love for his family that pierces the veil of death to save the day, he really is the most. I have to say at the beginning that this episode of Holy Hell will not include discussions of Dean’s sexuality and gender. I’m saving that for its own episode, so stay tuned my pals.

What we know of Dean as he develops over the course of the first episode is: he’s been hunting, and hunting alone, he’s 26 years old, he drives a sweet ‘67 Impala, he wears an old leather jacket, he listens to 1980s metal, and he has an arsenal of weapons and supernatural fighting talismans in his trunk. He’s also a smartarse, one of his most endearing qualities. He gets defensive about their mother and her death, and he defends their father over and over. He’s a loyal son and brother. The impetus to bring Sam back into the hunting life, after Sam decided for good that he was going to leave, is to bring his fambily back together.

The quality that defines Dean Winchester is how much he loves he loves his fambily. In the first episode, he is so worried about his father that he recruits Sam to help look for him, even though Sam and Dean haven’t spoken in two years, and Sam ran away to college rather than continue to live with their father.  He spends most of the first season defending their father, but when John comes back and starts arguing with Sam, Dean protects his brother from John. It’s one of the most significant examples of character growth Dean undergoes throughout the entire series, and it’s where his loyalty shifts from John to Sam.

In the episode of season 2, “Croatoan,” Dean decides not to shoot Sam when Sam contracts the Croatoan virus which turns people rabid and makes them kill. In the next episode, “Hunted”, Dean reveals that John told him to kill Sam if Dean couldn’t save him. But Dean doesn’t. He says that John begged Dean not to tell Sam, but it’s not John’s words that keep Dean silent. It’s his love for Sam and Sam’s wellbeing. And this brotherly love slash codependency is used by characters throughout the entire series, from the demons in season 1 to the literal character of God in season 15, to manipulate Dean and Sam. As many characters have pointed out, including Dean and Sam themselves, they are each other’s weak points.  

At the end of season two, when Sam dies from a stab wound in his spine, Dean trades his own life for Sam’s. He makes a deal with a crossroads demon—his soul for Sam’s life—and subsequently dies and goes to hell at the end of season 3. Dean literally dies a gruesome death and spends forty years being tortured in hell because he couldn’t live without Sam. At the end of Season 8, Sam is dying from the effects of the trials, which he undergoes in order to close the gates of hell, and Dean convinces him to stop because, again, he can’t live without Sam. Sidenote: this is where I stopped being interested in their brotherly dynamic to the point of losing interest in the show. It became clear to me that the showrunners were more concerned with rehashing the same tired storylines between Sam and Dean than focus on characters who could expand the world and make the show better. In fact, they killed a lot of the interesting side characters in order to keep the show solely focused on the brothers. The exception to this is Castiel, and the reason they kept Cas around is because when he died in season 7 the ratings tanked. If that wasn’t a clear enough sign that the showrunners needed to open up the show to more than just Sam and Dean’s caustic dynamic in which they die and kill for and then betray and lie to each other over and over, then I just don’t know what the fans could have done to convince them. Nothing, apparently, because they ended the show with just Sam and Dean.

Dean’s relationship with John is fraught with insecurity and codependency. Dean has so little sense of self that what he does consider to be his carefully curated list of likes and dislikes were inherited directly from John: his car, his leather jacket, his hunting abilities, and his music taste. He also throws himself into hunts without any regard for his own safety, because he doesn’t believe that he is worth saving, or that his life is worth living. His personality is crafted from both John’s reliance on him as a son, hunter and partner in crime, and the woman he assumes Mary to be. Dean’s sense of self-worth relies on how many people he can save. This is why, in season 2 episode “What is and what should never be,” Dean’s dream reality is one in which he’s a low life loser who disappoints his family—because without John pushing him to be a hunter, Dean doesn’t save people, and because he doesn’t save people, he isn’t worth anything. Bear in mind that this is the best reality Dean’s mind could conjure for him: one in which his father is dead, and he himself is not worth saving.

In one of the most famous exchanges, he asks Cas why an angel would rescue him from hell, and Cas replies, “What’s the matter? You don’t think you deserve to be saved.” Twenty-nine years of bluster, insouciance, and a give-em-hell attitude crumbles in two sentences, wrought by a being Dean refuses to believe exists because, again, he doesn’t think that he deserves to be saved by them. He says, “[Why me? I don’t like getting singled out at birthday parties, let alone by God].” He thinks of himself so lowly that he accepted a one-year deal in exchange for Sam being alive. Dean cares so much about his family he lets it kill him.

But it’s not just Sam, Mary and John. Dean’s family grows to encompass a number of side characters: most notably Bobby their surrogate father, Charlie Bradbury the hacker, Claire Novak, Jack Kline, and Lisa and Ben Braeden. Even Mary makes another appearance in seasons 12 to 14. Unfortunately, because the show is the way it is, Dean puts Sam above all of these side characters, and then these characters are written out of the show. I should specify that Cas is not a side character; in most seasons, Misha Collins is billed as a main cast member, with his name appearing after Jensen Ackles in the credits. But he still dies in the third-last episode in order to have the show stay about the brothers. Even Jack, inarguably Cas and Dean’s son, is written out of the show in the second-last episode after dying multiple times. I say inarguably because I am not gonna argue with anyone about this. Claire and Jack are Dean and Cas’s kids. Dean and Cas are great parents who chaperone Jack’s prom and buy Claire her first hunting bow. They’re all one big happy, queer, neurodivergent family.

Dean loves the people in his life with reckless abandon. The times he’s excused Cas’s behaviour after Cas has done something ridiculous or foolish are too many to count. He grieves Cas’s multiple deaths, often succumbing to his alcoholism and entropy whenever Cas leaves him for more than a day. In a truly beautiful scene, Dean wraps Cas’s corpse in a curtain and watches, utterly and completely devastated, as his body burns. By this point, they have done so much for each other that it’s impossible to even envision the show without Cas, and indeed imagine Dean without his love for Cas. And we don’t have to for very long, as he always comes back a few episodes later. Even knowing this, the episodes where Dean mourns Cas are so heartbreaking and haunting that I cried for days after watching them.

Dean is great with kids, and every time he’s not is completely the fault of whoever is writing him in any given episode. We see him bonding with Lisa’s son Ben in season 3 and 6, Jesse in the season 5 episode “I Believe The Children Are Our Future,” and Lucas in the season one episode “Dead in the water”. With every child he meets, Dean gets on their level, empathising with them in a way most adults can’t. Like Claire and Jack, Dean has a complicated relationship with his father, who dies in the beginning of season 2 after bargaining his soul for Dean’s life to the demon that took their mother. Just like anyone else’s life, right? Must be Tuesday. This means Dean can relate to most children with traumatic backgrounds involving their parents, as a victim of parental abuse and having his mother die at age 4. I can’t find any sources to back this up, but a theory that rolled around in fandom was that Dean became mute after Mary died, which is what happens to Lucas after his father drowns. He says in “Dead In the Water” that he loves kids, and it’s true. As one tumblr user put it, Dean wanted to be baby trapped.

Dean carries the deaths and pain of his loved ones with him like Atlas carrying the world on his shoulders. When Claire is bitten by a werewolf, the characters administer blood of the sire wolf that bit her in order to cure her of her lycanthropy. Dean has to leave the room while she’s in pain, because he can’t bear to watch her die. The same goes for when Jack dies. Thankfully, Claire lives and Jack comes back a few episodes later.

When thinking about Dean being a father, I’m reminded of that scene from Scrubs when Dr Cox says he’s worried about being a father because his own dad was an abusive alcoholic. The difference between Dr Cox and Dean is that Dean doesn’t have his reservations about raising kids. He fits into Lisa and Ben’s life easily, at least for the first year, and we see a montage which includes him teaching Ben how to fix cars. When Claire lets her guard down enough to hug Dean, he hugs back just as hard. When he finally deals with the trauma of Cas dying in season 13, he accepts Jack into his life, and even grieves Jack when he dies. Dean escapes the intergenerational trauma that plagues his family by being a fantastic dad to the random kids who happen into his life by chance. He was born to be a father, and the fact that this show took that away from him and us as the audience makes me want to kick the showrunners into the sun.

Until season 6, Dean’s family only included men. The concept of the nuclear family—two sons, a husband and a wife—was ripped apart in the prologue of the first episode when Mary dies. Dean doesn’t know family for the first 5 seasons of the show outside Sam, John, Cas and Bobby. I do consider Ellen and Jo to be important to the story, but they’re only in a handful of episodes and die in season 5 for a reason that is plainly ridiculous. Did the Winchesters have to lose every single person in their lives to the fight? Clearly Kripke thought they were going to be cancelled after the fifth season, because it shows. And honestly? Maybe they should have. Let’s retroactively cancel the whole show. It can’t hold power over us anymore, because it’s dead and we cremated it.

But when Dean moves in with Lisa and Ben, he discovers a new type of family he didn’t have before, and new family dynamics. Instead of the 28-year-old son that Sam is to him, he takes the opportunity to teach Ben about cars and spend time with him and Lisa without the need to hunt. He gets a job, he makes some friends, and he lives the safe, apple pie life he begrudged Sam for in the pilot episode. It’s only when Sam reappears in his life that Dean’s codependency strikes again and he realises that he can’t live half in the normal world with Lisa and Ben and half in the hunting world with Sam. Sam says this himself in the first episode of Season 6, “Exile On Main Street”. Despite the ways Dean tried to settle down throughout the rest of the 9 seasons, the showrunners ultimately decided a man who was healing from trauma and alcoholism, who had adopted two kids as his own, and was learning how to bake cakes for his son’s birthday, deserved to die at the ripe age of 40, a week or so after he’d learned that his best friend was in love with him. You gotta laugh. Instead of getting the ending both Dean and we deserved—which was Dean settling down, opening a bar, and living the next forty years in relative gay peace while he got fat and watched Cheers reruns—well, we got something else. And I will always be bitter about that.

While it’s clear from the first season that he has reckless and suicidal tendencies, he doesn’t stop fighting to the bitter end. Even when faced with his own impending death in the season 2 premiere, “In my time of dying,” he fights to stay alive for Sam and John, while working the mystery that is overcoming his own death. Devastated as he is by Sam diving into hell at the end of season 5 and seemingly gone for good, Dean still gets up everyday and makes a life for himself in Lisa’s home. While season 6 was overall a bummer of a season, just god-awful in every aspect, saved from my complete vitriol only by “The French Mistake,” it did show us how great a dad Dean can be, and readied us for what was to come—being Claire and Jack’s dad. The lengths he goes to for his family are immense and all-consuming. As Cas says in “Despair”, Dean is a being of love. He loves everyone else, even when he can’t find it in him to love himself. He really thinks that he’s just a killer, not a father or a husband.

I’ve never subscribed to the idea that we have to love ourselves before we can love anyone else, or before anyone else can love us. Sorry Rupaul, you old bitch. We are all deserving of love, because love sustains us and helps us grow. And when we don’t know how to, it’s through loving others that we can learn to love ourselves. If Dean knew what a great father and friend and husband and brother he is, if he could see himself the way others, in the show and out of it, see him, I think he’d burst. You don’t like getting singled out at birthday parties? Well tough shit, Dean Winchester, because I’m gonna devote an entire podcast to you.

I talked about Dean’s carefully curated list of likes and dislikes before but I’ll go into more detail now. Things he likes: guns; rock and roll; nice cars; women; fighting; scamming people at pool; back alley blowjobs, probably; pie; driving across the country; Ozzy concerts; cowboy movies; being in control of every little thing in his life. His dislikes are: flying on planes; hair metal; angels and demons; anyone who harms his brother, his best friend or his kids; boredom; and being jerked around.

Okay I literally cannot talk about the cowboy movies without mentioning that he makes Cas watch them with him, in his Deancave, and the implications of that make my head roll off my body and into the dirt. Like they literally have gay little movie nights and watch their gay little cowboy movies together and Dean says all the gay little lines. I said I wasn’t going to talk about his sexuality, but mentioning cowboy movies leads to Cas wearing a cowboy hat and saying “I’m your Huckleberry.” This makes me insane. Excuse me, I must have my daily scream.

Okay, I’ve collected myself. Have I? Let’s just move on. In the Winchester tradition of inherited family trauma, Dean gets all of John’s interests, and Sam gets all of John’s mistakes. Dean’s personality throughout the show is basically quippy remarks, pop culture references, laughing with food in his mouth, and grouchiness. In case you haven’t realised, he is amazing to me. Every time he fires a rifle or pistol? Couldn’t be better. Eating a burger made of out donuts? Fucking incredible. Even when faced with beings with untold power, he doesn’t lose his cool. One of my favourite exchanges is when Zachariah comes to Chuck’s house in the first episode of season 5, “Sympathy For The Devil,” and starts soliloquising at him, Dean tells him to “cram it with walnuts, ugly.” Cram it with walnuts, ugly. It’s been ten years and that still makes me laugh. Top ten Dean lines for sure. Like all of my main characters throughout the years of writing original fiction are just “Dean Winchester but girl,” and I’m a good writer, but I can never come close to the level of hilarity that he achieves. And every single writer on the show seems to get that. The only times I can think of where Dean’s characterisation has irked me on a writing level are in season 6—basically the entire thing—and the way he treats Jack in the later seasons, specifically late season 15. But it’s really rare for me to watch an episode and not enjoy Dean. Even throughout the Mark Of Cain era, which I loved, when things were very serious, he had such style and panache and held himself so confidently that I was like, wait maybe he made some points? Maybe he should kill everyone?

Dean is a hunter and a killer, but that’s not all he is. He’s very skilled in hand to hand combat, weaponry, and tactical manoeuvres. Even when something doesn’t go exactly to plan, he’s usually able to improvise something to end up with a win. Because he is the main character, his choices and reactions, while sometimes extremely problematic, are never questioned, and that’s to his detriment. In the last episode of season 14, “Moriah,” Dean is unable to kill Jack, but in early season 15, he treats Jack’s betrayal as Cas’s fault, because he can’t take it out on Jack. Cas leaves, but it’s framed as a good thing because Cas is Jack’s father, and has to take responsibility for what Jack has done. In this instance, I don’t blame Cas at all. Okay I rarely blame Cas for anything, including the things he’s done wrong, because no he didn’t and you can’t prove it. But he especially didn’t do anything wrong when Jack killed Mary, and he didn’t do anything wrong by killing Belphagor. But by the middle of the season, in the episode “The Trap,” Dean admits his wrongdoing in taking his anger out on Cas, one of the only people who loves him without conditions. You’d think this would be a defining moment of character progression, but then Dean chooses to act exactly the same way by throwing Jack under the bus. Like, throwing him harder, under a bigger bus. So what was the point.

Anyway, those are choices the writers made, and not Dean.

Going back to what I was saying about being neurodivergent, Dean has adhd. I know this because I have adhd, and I’m Dean-coded. He’s wildly creative, impulsive, has a touch of OCD, and he has a hard time making long-lasting friends, although this is mostly due to how all his friends die. His best friend is an autistic angel and the only reason they’re still friends is because they’re obsessed with each other, in like a really unhealthy way. One of the funny things about his and Cas’s relationship is that every time you see them in the same shot, Cas is standing perfectly still and Dean is constantly moving. They are almost complete opposites, aside from their queerness and neurodivergence. But then, I haven’t met a single queer person in my entire life who isn’t neurodivergent or disabled in some way. That doesn’t mean we can’t live perfectly functional and normal lives, it just means we’re better than everyone else.  

Dean also exhibits black and white thinking—to him all felons are redeemable and all monsters should be killed. Felons are redeemable because he himself is a felon, and monsters should be killed because they all do monstrous things. When faced with the possibility of angels being real, he refuses to believe it for the first two episodes, because, as he says, “he’s never seen one.” Eventually he learns how to see in shades of grey and not kill every monster he meets, but this is because of his time in purgatory with Benny, his Cajun vampire boyfriend.

Another sign of Dean’s ADHD is physical sensitivity. In the season one episode “Bugs,” he comments on the shower’s water pressure. Like it’s a big deal to him, when he’s only ever used 1-star motel room showers. In the later seasons, he’s also seen to wear a fluffy robe and soft pajamas with hotdogs on them and socks that say “Send Noods” but noods spelt like noodles. And so he should! Dean deserves comfort! He’s a special boy.

ADHDers often have problems with executive function—remembering appointments, cleaning up after ourselves, showering, eating, even going to the toilet when we need to pee. The hunting life excludes Dean from the normal functions of usual life, such as dentist appointments, dropping the kids off at school, meal prepping for the week, or turning up to a job on time. These were only factors in Dean’s life during the gap between seasons 5 and 6 when he lived with Lisa and Ben, and it’s not shown how his executive dysfunction impacted his suburban, settled life, but Lisa does mention that Dean drinks a lot. It’s another thing he inherited from John, much as I did my alcoholism from my father, and my adhd too. But Sam doesn’t drink to excess more than a handful of times over the entire 15 seasons, whereas Dean subsists on alcohol to get through the day. At one point in season 11, I’m pretty sure, don’t fact check me, he is shown to be drinking a beer at about 10 in the morning, because, as he says to Sam, “You drank all the coffee. What do you want me to do? Drink water?” Dean your liver must be quaking.

Excess is a common problem for people with ADHD. We have problems with limiting ourselves—because our dopamine machine broke, anything that gives us a little bit of high—such as sugar, sex, alcohol, stimulants, any kind of food that is bad for us but tastes real good—we usually have it in excess because we can’t help ourselves. In the season 4 episode “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester,” Dean eats the entirety of the candy in the Impala. The only reasons I don’t eat everything in my fridge every day is because, one, I don’t have the money, and two, it’s all ingredients I have to prepare and not ready-made food. Whereas Dean has only known fast food for the first 10 or so seasons until he starts cooking and baking and settling into domesticity. Like anyone who gets UberEats every day instead of cooking for themselves knows how expensive that is. He also engages in meaningless sex, although people have pointed that Sam actually gets more on screen action than Dean. But I know a lot of amab people who engage in casual sex with randos because it satisfies a base need. Dean could be classified as hypersexual in some regards, but I know what hypersexuality feels like and it’s like this overwhelming miasma where you can’t think about anything except how horny you are, and I don’t think Dean has that normally. Maybe when he was a demon in season 10, but generally I think he can control himself.

His settled life in the men of letters Bunker is a far cry from his flashbacks in season 8 to Purgatory. From what we know of purgatory, the land of gods and monsters, it was a year-long monster hunt, but without any of the boring paperwork. Dean got to fight and kill as many vampires, ghouls, leviathan, etc as came his way, which is why it’s absolutely ridiculous that he died by rebar in a vampire fight. He spent an entire year spilling blood and chopping off heads, day and night, and he dies by metal bar to the spine? And he’s not even coughing up blood? Andrew Dabb, I’m coming for you. Of course purgatory is the perfect place for Dean because it’s constant adrenaline, constant excitement, constant stimulation, which is what every day life lacks. Even Dean’s every day life is like, 20% monster killing and the rest is leg work. They go weeks or months between cases, and sometimes don’t find the monster at all. So I’m not surprised he gets bored easily and drinks. Would if I could too, my pal.

Which leads me onto Dwelling. Dean dwells on the horrors of his life in a way I do and my carefree older brothers don’t. In the season 4 episode “Heaven and Hell,” he reveals to Sam that he remembers his entire forty years in hell, and there are flashes of his memory littered throughout the season in creepy, split-second increments. He dwells on the people who die, doing his thousand-yard stare into the funeral pyre of everyone they cremate. In the most egregious display of dwelling, he rewrites history TWICE to deal with his grief — in season 8 he makes himself believe that it was his fault Cas didn’t come back from purgatory with him, and again in season 13 he invents the story of Jack controlling Cas to deal with his grief over Cas’s death. His PTSD twists the truth until it becomes another way to torture himself, because if someone gets hurt it’s on him; everyone who loves him is just one more person to disappoint.

On a lighter note, Hyperfixations, equivalent to Autism special interests, are a common trait of ADHD. Some of Dean’s hyperfixations include: hunting in general; cowboys and cowboy movies; the musical Rent; the movie Braveheart; larping. He loves dressing up and acting, and what is putting on a monkey suit and lying about being a Fed if not larping? Oh god the meta of that coupled with the season 4 episode “The Monster At The End Of This Book” is making my head hurt. And actually, the next episode of Holy Hell is on the subject of meta-textuality so stick around if that’s something you enjoy.

One of the amazing things about ADHD is creativity. Since we’re easily bored and easily amused, we’re constantly pushing the boundaries of our curiosity. In season three episode “Bloodlust,” Dean decapitates a vampire with a miter saw, something that even veteran vampire hunter Gordon Walker comments is a thing of beauty. Dean creates a Ma’lak box in season 14 episode “Damaged Goods” as a way to contain Michael if he ever inhabits Dean’s body again. Dean is always making up words like “were-pire” and “Jefferson Starships,” and he has an almost encyclopaedic knowledge of pop culture, which he references in almost every line of dialogue. Like tv and movies raised me, but even I don’t understand a lot of his references. It’s almost like he’s a character in a tv show being written by dozens of people. But that’s not right. He’s a real person and my friend. My friend Dean Winchester, who shouts me burgers and passes out on my couch.

Also, I’m bragging now but as of the day of writing this I got my ADHD diagnosis and it feels so good to have a doctor, a psychiatrist in fact, confirm my belief. After about three or four years of figuring out I have adhd and then trying to make everyone else believe me when I say I do, it feels like a huge weight off. Dean deserved to feel that. He deserves to put a name to his differences and be in charge of his life instead of letting his anger, confusion and impulses control him. If anyone is worried that you might have something and don’t know whether to pursue a diagnosis, my two cents are that it has only improved my life. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Affective Disorder in 2014 and it allowed me to go on medication, which snapped me out of the worst period of anxiety I have ever gone through and also a psychotic episode that featured talking walls and a swarm of Christmas beetles. Trust me, we all need help sometimes, and some people like me need more help than others, but you can take control of the forces in your life that hold you back. As my mother used to say to me when I was a child, the world is your oyster. It really fucking does get better, and since I started on the right anti-depressants for me my life has improved so goddamn much. The world is fucked right now, and it’s impossible to even function on most levels. We all need therapy. I myself have a gp, a psychiatrist, and a psychologist and they keep me relatively sane. I would not be alive if I didn’t have years and years of ongoing therapy and good drugs. Plus I journal everyday and practice gratitude. I’m still crazy but the craziness is contained and doesn’t hurt me anymore.

Despite never going to therapy, Dean grows from being a loner with one friend (his own brother) to someone with a wealth of connections and family. He picks up new people to love like he’s velcro, and when he goes in he goes all in. He would die for the people he loves. He’s constantly putting himself in danger to protect his loved ones. In the Season 6 episode “Let It Bleed,” Dean captures and tortures demons in an effort to find out where Crowley took Lisa and Ben. He then has Cas wipe their memories so that they don’t remember him and can live their lives without him, at his own great distress. In season 5, he goes to Stull Cemetery to impinge on the fight between Lucifer and Michael, just to be there for Sam. As Dean says, he’s “not going to let him die alone.”

That being said, I do have to talk about Dean’s very few, but ultimately life-ruining, flaws. His emotional dysregulation makes his moods unpredictable at best. By virtue of his black and white thinking, he forces the people he loves to choose sides between him and other characters, such as Sam and Ruby, Cas and Crowley, Mary and the british men of letters, and Cas and Jack, and when they don’t choose him, he passively aggressively, and sometimes just aggressively, tortures them until something else usurps their betrayal. His anger issues are par to none, and often get him in a lot of trouble. But since he is the main character, he never really faces consequences for this, and neither does he mature. Even in the final season episode “The Trap,” while Dean admits how angry he is and how wrong he was for taking it out on Cas when Jack died, mere episodes later in “Unity” he turns Jack into a nuclear reactor to take out God, and Jack dies again. His characterisation in the last few seasons, especially in regards to Jack, is all over the place. I would have to start a murderboard to explain how Dean feels about Jack and how he reacts to what Jack does in every episode. Like, pictures and red string and everything. And even then I would not be able to comprehend exactly what the writers did and what they thought they were doing.

But unlike me, Dean always believes the best in people until proven otherwise, and he does always come around to the people who atone for their sins. Even when Sam refuses to get his soul back in season 6, Dean keeps trying until Sam is put right. Between seasons 7 and 8, He spends a year in Purgatory looking for Cas despite how Cas sent Sam insane, ingested billions of monster souls, and became God. When the people he loves choose him, he chooses them back.

But even when they betray him, lie to him, deceive him, and hurt the other people in his life, he can’t stop loving them. He never stops loving Sam or Cas or Jack or Mary or John or Bobby. He loves with everything he has. He is, as Cas says, a being of love.

Oof. That was a lot of words and I feel like I only just scratched the surface. Like realistically I just talked about fambily and ADHD. There is just so much to Dean Winchester that maybe I’ll make another episode sometime. But I am definitely making an episode purely about Dean’s gender presentation and sexuality in the future. You can find the show at holyhellpod on Tumblr where I post transcripts for the episodes and Instagram where I post memes.

I don’t see myself doing an episode about Sam any time soon, Not because I don’t like Sam, but because I can’t stand Jared Padalecki. He’s done some things that I can’t support, and I’m really bad at separating the art from the artist. Especially when it’s something like Supernatural, which is not art. Supernatural is an experiment. It’s not Johnny B. Goode by Chuck Berry. Like Jared Padalecki didn’t invent rock and roll, you know what I’m saying? However, if you really want me to do an episode about Sam, you can pay me 101 Australian dollars and 50 Australian cents at patreon.com/holyhellpod. I’ll talk to you next time.

Links

http://www.scififantasynetwork.com/dean-winchester-has-adhd/

[itsclydebitches]

Is buying the new Harry Potter game supporting transphobes because I've been seeing a lot of that on twitter? Not playing it. Pirating is fine, but actually paying for it.

Hi, anon!

I’ve seen a lot of the same and had initially thought to post my thoughts on the issue… before I got a very angry ask condemning me for a post where I admitted that I thought the game looked great and was excited to play it. I can no longer link to that post because I deleted it: a late night, impulsive decision made in an effort to try and protect myself from further flaming. Thus, I considered ignoring this ask under the same justification… before realizing that it might not matter in the long run. The Harry Potter: Legacy trailer has been out for just a few days and already I have gotten that furious ask, been told off by a friend for mentioning the trailer, and was questioned (antagonistically) about why I had added a Harry Potter related book to my Goodreads list. They’re small and potentially coincidental anecdotes, but it feels as if any engagement with Harry Potter is slowly coming under scrutiny, not just the (supposed—more on that below) crime of purchasing the new game. Given that I will always engage with Harry Potter related media, if there’s any chance such subtle criticism will continue regardless of whether I make the “right” choice to boycott the game or not, I might as well explain my position. Especially for someone who asked politely! Thanks for that 💜. 

Which leads to the disclaimer: Any anon hate will be unceremoniously deleted. This is a complicated issue and I intend to write about it as such. I ask that any readers go into this post with good faith and a willingness to acknowledge that this situation isn’t as black and white as they may prefer it to be. If that’s not something you can emotionally handle—which is 100% fine. Some subjects we’re simply not inclined to debate—or if you’re just looking to get in a cheap shot, please hit the back button.

Right. Introduction done. Now here’s the tl;dr: saying things like “Buying this game is inherently selfish/transphobic” isn’t the hot take people want it to be. Is boycotting Legacy one (very small—we’ll get to that too) way of showing support for the trans community? Yes. Is buying the game proof that you’re a selfish transphobe?  No. This isn’t a bad SAT question. Legacy boycotters are to trans supporters as Legacy buyers are to  ___? The argument that someone is selfish for buying the game is basically that you are choosing a non-essential video game over the respect and lives of trans individuals, but the logic breaks down when we acknowledge that purchasing a game has no real life impact on a trans individual’s safety, support, etc.   

“But Clyde, you’re giving Rowling money. She is then using that money to support anti-trans organizations. Thus, you have actively put more harm into the world.” Have I? I’m not going to get into whether/how much/what kind of money Rowling is receiving from this project because the fact is we don’t know and we’ll likely never know. Suffice to say, she probably will get some portion of any $60/$70 purchase. The real question is whether those sales have any meaningful impact. Reputable information on Rowling’s net worth is hard to come by, but it seems to be somewhere between 600 million and 1 billion pounds. Or, to put it another way: a fuck ton. And money keeps rolling in from a franchise that is so, so much bigger than a single video game. It literally doesn’t matter how much money you might put in her pocket via Legacy because she’s already so goddamn rich she can do whatever she wants. If Rowling wants to give a million dollars to the heinous “charity” of her choice, she can. She will. You are not directly contributing to this horror because that money may as well already exist. Every person in the world could refuse to buy this game and she’d shrug, going about her disgusting life because it literally does not affect her in any meaningful way. You’re refusing to give the murderer a knife when they’re got direct access to a knife-making factory. Horrible as it is to hear, you can’t stop them from doing something horrific with that tool. 

For me, this is the straw argument of the Harry Potter world. Not straw as in strawman, but literally straws. Remember how everyone was talking about plastic straws, swore off them, and subsequently deemed anyone who still used one to be selfish people who didn’t care about the environment? It didn’t matter if you had a certified “good” reason for using one (disability) or a “selfish” reason (carrying straws everywhere on the off chance you wanted a drink is a pain in the ass)—you’re a horrible person who wants the planet to die. Same deal here. If you can swear off straws, great! Do what tiny bit of good you can. But if you can’t or even don’t want to give them up, the reality is that your “selfishness” doesn’t make a significant difference in the world. The amount of plastic corporations are pouring into the ocean makes your actions inconsequential. It’s not like voting where every small, individual act adds up to a significant total. This is your lack up against others’ staggering abundance. It’s not adding a few drops of water until you have a full bucket, it’s trying to un-flood the boat with a teaspoon while someone else is spraying it with the hose. Have you, on the most technical level, made a difference by moving that teaspoon of water out of the boat? Yes. Is it a difference that holds any meaning in regards to the desired outcome? Not really. Now apply all that to Rowling. She is so phenomenally wealthy—with additional wealth coming in every day—that your purchase of Legacy is a teaspoon of water in her ocean of funds. It’s inconsequential.

“But Clyde, buying this game would support her and supporting her sends the message that what she believes is okay.” Exact same argument as above. JKR’s fame is so astronomical that no video-game boycott could ever make a dent in it. For every 100 people who swear off her work there are another 1,000 who continue to engage with both her writing and the writing related to her world because she is that prominent. Harry Potter is one of the largest franchises of all time, second only to things like Pokémon and Star Wars. This isn’t some indie creator who you can ignore into silence. The reality is that Rowling is here to stay and we have to take far more substantial acts to counteract that influence. 

Even more importantly, buying the game is not evidence that you support her views and the black and white belief that it does is an easy distraction from those harder “How do we improve the lives of trans people?” questions. I started compiling a list of stories with problematic authors only to realize the number of incredibly popular texts with awful histories attached to them unnecessarily increased the length of an already long post. Everything from Game of Thrones to Dr. Seuss—if you love it, chances are one of the authors involved has a history of misogyny, racism, homophobia, etc. Which I don’t say as a way of excusing these authors, nor as a way to silence the justified and necessary call outs on their work. Rather, I bring this up to acknowledge that engaging with these stories cannot be concrete evidence for how you view the minority group in question. The reasons for consuming these stories are incalculable and at the end of the day no one needs a “correct” reason for that consumption (my teacher forced me to read the racist book, I only watched the homophobic TV show so I could call out how horrible it was, etc.) If fiction were an indicator of our real life beliefs we’d all be the most horrifying creatures imaginable. I may be severely uncomfortable with the queer baiting in Supernatural, but if a friend says they bought the DVD collection my response is not, “How dare you support those creators. You’re homophobic.” In the same way, someone purchasing Legacy should not generate the response, “How dare you support her. You’re transphobic.” There’s a miles’ worth of pitfalls in connecting the statements “You purchased a game based on the world created by a transphobic author” and “You yourself are transphobic.” 

So if buying Legacy does not add additional harm to the trans community from a financial perspective, and it doesn’t make a dent in Rowling’s platform, and playing a game is not evidence of your feelings towards the group the author hates… what are we left with? “But Clyde, it’s the principal of the thing. I don’t want to support a TERF” and that is an excellent argument. Your morals. Your ethics. What you can stomach having done or not done. But the “your” is incredibly important there. People need to understand that this is their own line in the sand and that if someone else’s line is different, that doesn’t mean they’re automatically a worse person than you. For example, I have made the choice not to eat at Chick-Fil-A. Not because I believe that me not giving them $3.75 for a sandwich will make a difference in their influence on the world, but because it makes a difference to me. It helps me sleep at night. So if not purchasing Legacy helps you sleep at night? That’s a fantastic reason not to buy it. But the flipside is that if someone else does purchase it that is not a reliable reflection of their morals, no more than I think my friends are homophobic for grabbing lunch at Chick-Fil-A now and then. Sometimes you just want a sandwich. 

“But Clyde, why would you want to buy it? Rowling is such a shit-stain I don’t understand how anyone can stomach supporting her—whether that support has an impact or not. Maybe someone eats at Chick-Fil-A because it’s close to them and they’re too busy to go elsewhere, or it’s all they can afford, or they don’t know how homophobic they are. There are lots of reasons to explain something like that. But you’re not ignorant to Rowling’s problem and there’s no scenario where you have to play this game, let alone spend money on it. So why?”

The reality is that I will likely be buying Legacy, second-hand if I can, but new if it comes to that, so I’ll give some of my personal answers here, in descending order of presumed selfishness:

5. Part of my work involves studying video games/Harry Potter and as a researcher of popular culture, my career depends on keeping up with major releases: good and bad. I often engage with stories I wholeheartedly disagree with for academic purposes, like Fifty Shades of Gray.

4. I find the “Just pirate it!” solution to be flawed. I’ve spent the last four months struggling to get my laptop fixed and I currently have no income to buy another if it were to suddenly develop a larger problem. I am not going to risk my $2,000 lifeline on an illegal download, no matter how safe and easy the Internet insists it is. 

3. We’ve been told that Rowling has not been involved in Legacy in any significant manner and I do want to support Portkey. No, not just financially because I know many others have insisted that everyone good has already been paid. Game companies still need to sell games. That’s why they exist. There’s a possibility that a company with just two mobile games under its belt will be in trouble if this completely flops. Is my purchase going to make or break things? No. Same reality as whether it will put new, influential money in Rowling’s pocket to do horrific things with. But I’d like to help a company that looks as if they put a lot of heart and energy into a game only to get hit with some real shit circumstances outside of their control. Even if they’re not impacted financially or career-wise… art is meant to be consumed. I know if I wrote a Harry Potter fic and everyone boycotted it because they want nothing to do with Rowling anymore, I’d be devastated. Sometimes, you can’t separate supporting the good people from supporting the bad. Not in a media landscape where thousands of people are involved in singular projects.

2. I’m invested in reclaiming excellent works created by horrible authors. That’s fandom! We don’t know much about Legacy yet—this is pure, unsubstantiated speculation—but this new story could be a step forward from Rowling’s books, giving us some of the respect for minority groups that she failed at. That’s the sort of work I want to promote because Harry Potter as a concept is great and I think it’s worth transforming it for our own needs and desires. The reality is that as long as Rowling is alive she’ll benefit from licensed material, but if that material can start taking her world in better directions? I want to support that too.

1. I literally just want to play it. That’s it. That’s my big justification. I think it looks phenomenal and I was itching to get my hands on it the second the trailer dropped. And you know what? I’m not in a good place right now to deny myself things I enjoy. I don’t need to tell anyone that 2020 has been an absolute horror show, but for me certain things have made it a horror show with a cherry on top. Not a lot gets me excited right now because we’re living in the worst fucking timeline, so when I find something that makes me feel positive emotions for a hot second I want to hang onto it. I have no desire to set aside that spark of happiness in a traumatic world because people on the Internet think it makes me selfish. Maybe it does, but I’m willing to let myself be a bit selfish right now. 

Which circles back to this issue of equating buying a game with active harm towards the trans community. It honestly worries me because this is a very, very easy way to avoid the harder, messier activism that will actually help the queer community. When someone says things like, “You’re choosing a stupid video game over trans lives” that activism is performative. Not only—as demonstrated above—is purchasing a game not a threat to trans lives or ignoring the game a way of protecting trans lives, it also gives people an incredibly easy out while still seeming ‘woke.’ Not all people. Maybe not even a significant portion of people, but enough people to be worrisome. “I’m not purchasing that game,” some people post and then that’s it. That’s all they do, yet they feel like they’ve done their duty when in fact they’ve made no active difference in the world. Are you donating to trans charities? Are you speaking up for your trans friends when someone accosts them? Are you circulating media by trans authors? Are you educating your family about trans issues? Are you listening to trans individuals and continually trying to educate yourself? These are the things that make a difference, not shaming others for buying a game.

All of this is not meant to be an argument that people shouldn’t be absolutely revolted by Rowling’s beliefs (they should) and that this revulsion can’t take the form of rejecting this game wholeheartedly. This isn’t even meant to be an argument that you shouldn’t encourage others to boycott because though the financial impact may be negligible, the emotional impact for you is very real. I 100% support anyone who wants to chuck this game into the trash and never talk about it again—for any reason. All this is meant to argue is that people shouldn’t judge others based on whether they purchase this game (with a side argument that we can’t limit our activism to that shaming). That’s their decision and this decision, significantly, does not add any real harm to the world. Your fellow Harry Potter fan is not the enemy here. We as a community should not be turning our visceral on one another. Turn it on Rowling. She’s the TERF, not the individual who, for whatever reason, decided they wanted to play the game only tangentially related to her.  

If Twitter and Tumblr are any indication, I can imagine the sort of responses this post may generate: “That’s a whole lot of talk to try and convince us you’re not a transphobe :/ ” For those of you who are determined to simply things to that extent, there’s nothing I can say that will change your mind. Please re-read the disclaimer and consider whether yelling at me over anon will benefit the trans community. For those of you who are still here, I do legitimately want us to think critically about the kinds of activism we’re engaging in, how performative it might be, whether it harms the community in any way, and (most significantly) whether it’s actually moving us towards a safe, respective world for trans people to live in. Personally, I don’t think telling Harry Potter fans that they’re transphobic for buying Legacy will generate any good in this world, for them or for the trans community. 

At the end of the day only you can decide whether you can stomach buying this game or not. Decide that for yourself, but make that decision knowing that there’s no wrong answer here.  

[curioussubjects]

Journey into the Basement: Loving Yourself and Your Lamp

One of the many reasons to love Supernatural is that even when we get silly fun-filled episodes we always come out of them with some pretty interesting realizations. “Hero’s Journey” wasn’t any different, but the realization wasn’t so much novel as a confirmation of what season 15 (and Dabb’s run as a whole) has been quite loud about: Dean’s increasing embrace of the self. 

I know we’re all hype about the destiel implications of some of the work done in 15x10, and I will absolutely delve into that goodness, but I wanted to talk about the larger impact on Dean’s character beyond romance first. I want to talk about the demise of performing!Dean. 

Despite the risk of preaching to the choir, I want to emphasize that performing!Dean is not Dean living a lie, exactly. What he has actually been doing all these years is neglecting parts of himself he has seen as less valuable, while uplifting the parts that are more acceptable. All of this occurs, too, in an environment of self-effacement: Dean puts himself last. Performing!Dean is a coping mechanism for “social acceptance” as much as it is one for Dean’s continuous disregard of his own needs and wants beyond the trivial. That is, the stuff that would bring fulfillment to the parts of himself he keeps stashed away. Because, sure, part of Dean’s front face is pie, beer, and classic cars....but, my god, Dean gets a lot of joy out of that. They’re just as part of who Dean is as cooking, cowboys, Dr. Sexy, and horror movies. I guess what I’m trying to get at here before jumping into “HJ” is that both parts of Dean (the one he shows and the one he hides) are equally important. The struggle is for Dean to learn to care for all parts of himself regardless of what derision he may or may not get in return. 

Which leads us to Garth. You know what Garth is? Unabashedly himself. He doesn’t care if it’s weird to hug people or say shit like “Garthed.” He embraced being a werewolf! You know what Garth is? He is the embodiment of what self-love and acceptance can do. Garth is living his best life at all times. Unrepentantly. And damn anyone who dares to stop him. And what did that get him? Everything. The whole goddamn kit and caboodle. He has the dentist job he gave up to be a hunter, he’s an ethical angst-free werewolf, he still does the hunter job and save people, he has a home, a family. He’s happy -- you know, the thing we’ve been hearing was impossible these past 15 years. Garth is really here looking at all that bitter die bloody hunter fatalism and saying rip y’all but I’m different.  What Garth is is a beacon of something else. Something other than pain and suffering without end. 

Y’all wanna know what else Garth is in our fairy tale “Hero’s Journey?” Dean’s tooth fairy godmother and guide. Sure, there are no glass slippers, and pumpkin carriages, but Garth gives Dean the path to happily ever after just the same. It involves a scary journey into the depths and there’s pain and fear and dancing. Garth’s appearance in Dean’s dream serves the purpose of encouragement. Go ahead, Dean, you can dance, too. Don’t be scared, I’ll show you how. When Garth disappears, Dean is confident enough to keep on dancing. And Dean comes alive. He’s scared and shy at first, but eventually he’s his charming adorable self. And he’s on top of the world. Not only that, he’s tap-dancing on top of the world. Carefree, honest, and so so happy. What Garth offered Dean through this particular journey was the promise that Dean can, in fact, lead a fulfilling life if only he would honor who he is. Frees himself from the fear of discomfort, of judgement, and, perhaps most importantly, the fear of vulnerability. 

Dean understands what Garth is telling him. Take the shift from “aand we’re done” to “you smell good, too.” Did Dean sound awkward when he said it? Yes, but it was a gesture, a signal that he could change. Could take a turn for the better. Could embrace even the parts of him that he finds dismissable. Also, take the conversation they have earlier in the episode about Garth’s life being good and Dean watching Garth and Bess dancing at the end saying he always thought he could dance if he tried. IF HE TRIED PEOPLE. Dean knows what he needs and wants to be happy. It was in him all along, he just needed a push. He just needed to be shown the way, and to be open enough to accept what Garth offered and modeled. Incidentally, part of the plot utility of hero!Garth is drawing more similarities wrt him being a model Dean (and Sam) can follow. 

Before moving on to another look at the dream scene, it’s worth noting that while the basement is usually a space for the subversive, the shameful, and the criminal, Garth has completely transformed the space. In true Garth fashion, he shone a light into that basement and turned into a space that is just as integral to his life as everything else his home contains. In fact, since his dentistry practice happens there, it’s not unlikely that the basement is open to a lot of people. 

Alright, then the dream scene is a love yourself routine at large. It encompasses all of Dean’s character and pretty clearly posits that for Dean to be happy he has to accept all parts of himself. @occamshipper and others have touched on the choice of “Let’s Misbehave” as the song Dean’s dancing to, i.e., as another notch in the Dean is queer checklist. I’d also add, though, that the song is an apt choice not only for Dean’s queerness but the entire issue of self-acceptance. “Let’s Misbehave” is essentially a song about behaving outside of norms, and that misbehavior leading to one’s happiness. Yet, while the song operates in being able to misbehave when select people are watching, and not the world, the imagery of the scene defies that restriction. Dean won’t wait for the world to slumber, he’ll tap dance on top of it. Indeed, Garth’s invitation for Dean to misbehave takes a critical view of misbehavior, such as it is, being something to hide. It’s not. The song is clear on our take away, too: “ If you'd be just so sweet / and only meet / Your fate, dear...” Unlike what Chuck means by fate, the show, through Garth, seems to be telling us that fate is the end result of self-knowledge and truth. To misbehave and go against order is the path to self-fulfillment, and misbehavior here requires the discomfort of vulnerability. It’s no wonder either that the scene happens in the bunker. The bunker is a glorified basement, but it’s also a home. Why, then, treat the bunker as something to hide? (here’s some resonance with legacy, with letting others into your life). 

Finally, I want to talk about that lamp. First, though, let’s take a quick moment to remember how a significant portion of the deancas drama has been about absence (you left/you didn’t stop me, the glaring negative space left behind by Cas after “The Rupture”). Fittingly, Cas is not in this episode, which is quickly ~~lampshaded by Sam as well as being characterized as another aspect of their bad day. So Dean has no Cas to dance with, but unlike previous episodes, he has more than just a gap. Say, an empty. He has this lit up lap. This almost right but not quite placeholder. And Dean is charming to that lamp, y’all. It’s not the whole of his character arc, but damn, that lamp is important. It’s a key feature. But maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s move ahead to the end of the episode: Gath and Bess are dancing in their home. They’re happy. Outside, Dean and Sam look on, with that longing in their eye. Dean’s take is that he’d be good at dancing if he tried. So Garth dances with his wife, so Dean dances with a lamp. Dean, of the wanting to experience certain feelings, people, in a way he never has before. Dean who just last episode was very afraid of losing Cas, who was sobbing because of it. The same Dean we saw lose it after burying Cas in the Ma’lak box -- and grief arcs, and Colette, etc etc and so it goes and goes. Last episode we also saw a little version of endgame: Dean, Cas, Sam, and Eileen. And lest we discount it as Chuck nonsense, it’s important to remember Sam was happy with that vision. When Sam thinks happy, he thinks that (the Same Sam whose dream last season was him, Dean, Cas, Jack, and Mary eating pizza and laughing). Long story short, it’s always Dean and Cas. No matter what. So Cas, the lamp. And yeah, all of this destiel deliciousness is heavily draped in romance (even in dancing lamp form) between connections of Saileen and Garth/Bess. It’s SO SO LOUD. 

Dean would be a great dancer, if he tried. Just like Garth is. 

ps.: remember that car convo Sam started with Dean about setting down with someone who understands the life. Yeah. [dies in garth/bess]

[volturialice]

For real I could never be friend with Alice. I bet she's the kind of girl to tell you "Oh, did you take some weight?..." or "Oh that vest you bought is cool, but it doesn't fit you"! I'm too fragile for this honesty lmao

I mean, I disagree with that first part because I think the tone of her pushy interactions always comes from a place of wanting to help people look their best—enhancing what’s already there rather than adding or getting rid of things, Queer Eye-ing rather than bodyshaming. too lazy to go back and cite quotes but I feel like most of her interactions with bella involve the vibe of “oh your features are so pretty let’s not hide them” etc etc.

that said, I do think that in the hands of a competent writer, there would be a lot more thematic exploration of how alice’s tragic flaw is that she approaches the world from a place of 

I  K N O W  B E S T

an attitude reinforced by her gift, which has always served her flawlessly up until the events of new moon—pre-canon, it landed her her soulmate, a loving family, and immense wealth.

but then alice’s overconfidence in her gift kickstarts the climax of new moon. oops. more cracks start to appear—she can’t see the wolves. she can’t see victoria’s army, or riley’s home invasion. she gets lines where she tells aro she’s “not infallible,” or confides in bella that the rest of the cullens “rely far too much on my sight for something that works so imperfectly.” she spends the first half of BD unable to even be there for bella or her family because she’s off having a migraine. in the second half, her power is the reason they’re all in terrible danger.

now, I understand that alice is not the protagonist of twilight, but. I can’t help finding that a really interesting conflict! certainly a damn sight more interesting than a love triangle lmao

alice’s journey of realizing the limitations of her gift and learning that she does not, in fact, Know Best could make for a really great story, and is certainly the arc I would focus on if I ever wrote a post-canon sequel. it’d be like a supernatural Clueless.

in conclusion, I totally understand why not everyone likes alice. the Makeover Friend is an often-annoying trope, usually rooted in internalized misogyny. but I personally think her character is fascinating and has tons of narrative and thematic potential! she just belongs in the hands of a writer more competent and less sexist than smeyer. could that writer be YOU? 

(I mean it’s definitely me but there’s no reason it can’t be both of us)

[borderline-rat]

hi again! i feel like i'm not asking the (exciting?) ones but - 18 | 20 | 27

I answered 20 before but here are for the two others!!

18: my favourite LGBT+ books

When asked that, I've got three that immediately come to my mind, I might have some others but those are the ones I'm thinking about the most right now. The firsts two are both in French in their original version but I think you can find translations and are both graphic novels. I mentioned the first one earlier saying you definitely shouldn't see the movie. That's right, Blue is the Warmest Colour. First time I read it, I literally cried. You know what... Actually... Watch the movie. Then read the book and understand why the movie is shit. Not because it's poorly adapted, once again (because it is, but that's not the point), but because it completely misses the point, the message, the core. BITWC is about coming of age and discovering your sexual orientation as a teen girl in the 90's. It's about a realistic, soft and bittersweet love story as much as growing up. And it's beautiful. Then I'm thinking about - and here I'm giving the French title as I'm a bit too lazy to check out if it's been translated - Appelez moi Nathan, literally Call me Nathan, which is about a trans boy, from his childhood to the accomplishments he intends to reach. It's extremely well depicted, but huge TW on self harm and suicidal tendencies. I think it's based on a true story - I mean... It could be any transmasc story BUT I think the author actually worked with a specific person to write it. Finally, the last(s) one(s) are a book series, graphic novels as well, called Wet Moon, by Sophie Campbell - I'm specific on this because there's another book series called Wet Moon that's absolutely not the same. It's not "about" LBGT+ characters but pretty much all of them are, and the plot partly centers on their relationships. Aside from that, it's a strange story that took YEARS for the author to finish (more than 10 years I believe...), about coming of age, slice of life, but also murders and supernatural stuff occurring. It sounds weird. It's weird. It takes place in Florida. I've never set foot in Florida but to me it's a good explanation enough for it to be so weird. I love it so much. Oh and I forgot to mention that all the authors here are queer! Julie Maroh is a lesbian, Monsieur Q is gay, I think, and Sophie Campbell is a trans woman - and I think she's a lesbian as well!

27: what do I think of gender roles in relationships?

Well, to me... They make no sense... It's hard to explain, here again, how some things just... Don't exist in my mind? I mean, I can't conceptualise them? I know they're real, somewhere out there, I can even understand the dynamics, the questions they create, the debates or the causes and consequences but... I just... Can't... Get them. It's like - and that's gonna be a very stupid example but it gives out a rather clear idea - WHY CAN'T I SIT ON A TABLE WHEN I'M OUT SOMEWHERE? Like in a coffee shop or restaurant? I don't like sitting on a chair and I don't like eating at a table. I like to sit on the floor or on the counter so I can cross my legs and rest my back against the wall. Also, why is it widely socially accepted that it's better to live during daytime and sleep during nighttime? What if I don't wanna? Then I can't really get a job, except a night job, but I don't wanna, either, see my problem? I understand there are common rules, or common ideas, at the very least, and gender roles are one of those common ideas. Now I'm not saying it's a universal truth that everyone applies and that it just inherently exists. I understand why it is, and should be, a topic to be discussed. But when I get to discuss it, I'm quickly lost because I just don't get it. Why should there even be gender roles in the first place? I don't even get how you can put gender and role in a same bag. What's a role anyway? Like... Performing... Something...? Following another set of rules... Depending on what? Then there are those ones saying "depending on what's in your pants" and I'm like... Because I don't have a cock I can't do some things? Ah? Like? There are plenty of things I can't do but certainly not because I don't have a penis. Then others are like "you can do whatever you want no matter your gender!!!" and I'm... Yes? I know? Please don't yell at me, it scares me? I don't want to be a part of this fight. You might have noticed I like calling myself a stray cat. That's because that's how I truly feel!! It's not bragging, not pride, it's just... Me... Doing my own thing. I live, and always lived, in my very own private little world, closed to many things - not close-minded, mind! Some things just don't touch me. I'll gladly fight for them along with my peers to claim rights, equity, respect, or anything, but I don't get why it should even be necessary. Who decided gender roles? Were there a bunch of people, sitting around a table, someday, saying hey, this group of persons will be entitled to do that, and this other group, to do this! Or did it just happen? Why did it happen? I'm very much involved in many political causes and I have lots of convictions. But as for myself and how I apply those... I do it on my own. I don't care if I don't fit, no matter how much it's hurtful and frustrating sometimes. I just can't bend myself to things I don't understand. I take a certain pride in this, or at least I used to, when I was a teen, now I've just come to terms with the fact that there are things I'll never be able to understand or do, but that's okay, because I don't need them. So... Tl;dr, fuck gender roles because it makes no sense at all to me.

[seasaltmemories]

Devil’s Line Review/Analysis

This is gonna be a different beast to tackle for a few reasons A) I actually started this once before and dropped it, B) For a proper analysis I’m gonna have to dive into spoilers, and C) I technically haven’t finished the entire series, as the last volume of the manga isn’t translated (and I will only talk about the manga here) I say this all so you’ll be gentle with me as I pop from subject to subject

To start let’s get that summary:

Tsukasa, a college student, is rescued from an attack by a devil, one of many vampires that can blend in among the human population. Anzai, her savior, is a half-devil who exploits his supernatural gifts as a member of a shadowy police task force that specializes in devil-related crime in Tokyo. As Anzai continues to keep guard over Tsukasa, the two quickly forge a tentative bond—one that Anzai fears will test his iron-clad rule of never drinking human blood …

So I feel like expectations play a lot into how you receive this story and what you want to get out of it.  My first time going in I was told it was a dark fantasy series, and then what I got in the 7 or 8 chapters I read was a lot of faffing about of will they won’t they with the external plot only appearing to be there to drive the main couple together, so I got bored and dropped it

This time I went in not only knowing there would be a lot of romance, but also personally more in the mood for vampire stuff, and kinda meeting it where it was allowed me to see it grow into more interesting ways

The beginning isn’t bad, but I think it is best appreciated when you know up front this is 50% romance and 50% thriller, both genres are equally important to the narrative, but rather than starting out with that ratio, the beginning focuses entirely on Tsukasa’s and Anzai’s blossoming romance, from there a greater plot concerning devils begins to unfold, and then the two really begin to work in sync to prop both sides up

Bc once the ball starts rolling, the plot becomes a high-speed mystery concerning secret conspiracies and questions of who you can trust, what started out simple gets more information added on that complicates matters as you begin to question your own judgement, still what keeps the plot from becoming a jumbled mess is the fact at the heart of the story is always Tsukasa and Anzai, it gives the narrative focus that I’ve see few things series have

I should also mention my first impressions of the romance being shaken bc I am so used to series having couples who are love at first sight yet waste the entire time actually getting together until the end, and while these two basically also have love at first sight and take a while to actually get together, they get together in an overall timely manner, and their relationship is allowed to grow and evolve in very mature ways, not just sexually but also emotionally, a lot of their arc together is learning about how to communicate what they want to the other and as their relationship grows, their strength as individual characters grow as well

Now I’m gonna get into some spoilers, but what turned the series from simply fun into can’t put down is the timeskip

A lot of the elements that I enjoyed were being done before the time skip, but I feel like the skip is what allowed it to reach new heights it just kept hovering up at

Bc slowly as we start from Tsukasa and Anzai, the world expands, first to his colleagues, then to their enemies until it is a large but never burgeoning cast of connections, and the way they keep it all together is that it is grounded by lot of casual little moments to see people just be people, no matter their relation to the protagonists, we are consistently shown the humanity of almost everyone we come in contact with, and as a result it is hard to not fall in love with people who had previously tried to murder your faves (and might still currently be doing so)  and after the timeskip we just get hit with back to back side stories of the cast each going through their own internal problems, while still keeping to focus on Tsukasa and Anzai

Another thing that helps is that the worldbuilding concerning devil’s is extremely well-done, again it starts out simple “they see blood, then transform into monsters, sexual lust is connected to their bloodlust” but not only do we learn devil’s themselves, but a lot about what it means for a world to have a population like this, for example we get a detailed look into the tech created to help devil’s have safe sex with human partners and while it can be easy to poke fun at such specific details, by the end of the series it really does feel like an actual genetic disorder rather than some supernatural stuff with a sciency explanation tacked on

A moment that really made me stop and realize “oh the person behind this must know stuff besides story-telling” was when after and educational lecture about devils, the speaker admitted privately that the model used to describe them was problematic in that it demonized certain sects of devils, like wow, it was a quick moment, but a story showing the struggles of nuanced activism? Then we not only touch upon exploration of devil’s through a social science lens, but the overall philosophy that gets brought up on how to deal with institutional bigotry is interesting (this will be endgame spoilers so if you want to skip this, scroll down until you see bolded words again)

In two separate cases, we see two queer women involved in institutions get asked to do something unethical, both decide that if they refuse then they’ll get fired and someone else will simply take their place, and their goal then becomes to work through the system until they make it to the top and can start openly resisting

The effectiveness of these strategies is intriguing to dig through, the first is a researcher breeding devil/human children to study, (many of the participants being convicts) and from her actions we see her try and inform those involved to the best of her abilities and get their consent, and when possible, try to use couples who are already together, any information that would put individuals at risk of being chosen for illegal experimentation, she destroys, when she becomes the head researcher, she changes the program to rely completely on studying the children of already formed devil/human couples who come to them willingly

The second is asked to head the conspiracy of wiping out all devils, when ironically she is a devil herself, and so what they do is essentially play their part until they’ve amassed enough power to eventually stage a coup, until they can get an insider to be the prime minister to publicly reveal to the world, the conspiracy and have vocal support of devil rights, not only does this plan depend on the actual killing of innocents and riling up actual bigotry, but it also attracts actual cold-blooded killers and violent bigots which complicate matters, and for all their effort, the prime minister gets assassinated right during his big speech 

As I mentioned their is still one volume left untranslated so I don’t know how it will add on to this, (most of the plot lines got wrapped up so I can’t see many major developments happening beyond wrapping up character plot threads) but they’re some juicy thematic questions to chew on as well, which is always a treat

Returning to some general strengths of the series, there really is a genuine sex-positive stance, I say that specifically bc it isn’t just simply exploring themes of sex, but also the way it does so, as mentioned above, there is a lot of baggage around devil’s and their sexual relationships, but a lot of what the characters have to learn is that such desires are normal and not some great abomination, just something they have to be responsible about, no one is shamed for communicating what they want/like, especially women, where multiple female characters are in fact openly encouraged to communicate to their partners that they are interested in sex, and from their we watch multiple couples (including a m/m one) work out what they want, in one neither is interested in romance, but is ok with a friends with benefit thing, two have the male participant be unsure of their feelings and so they work in their comfort zone (one likes physical touch and kissing, another they only hug) the m/m couple not only get screen-time of struggling with the “are you gay, I want to show interest but not get perceived as a creep” deal, but one admits to being repulsed by sex, and they still work out a romantic relationship

And the most surprising amount part of this, is that there is no unnecessary titillation, the eternal question of what is over-sexualization and all can get confusing and tiring, so I won’t define a specific threshold here or say this is the only way to tell such stories about sex, but first you don’t got any unrealistic body proportions on anyone or any creepy shots, everyone is fully clothed and dressed normally for the non-sexy bits, and while we do get a sex scene, it is pretty non-graphic (you got boobs and that is all that it on screen) so there really isn’t any confusing moments like in other stories I’ve experienced where I have to wonder if the framing contradicts its message 

I could go on, but the strength of the story lies within at the end of the day being about normal people just trying to live their lives, it really does seem to capture the essence of what it means to be human effortlessly, and I am just immediately charmed and ready to follow Ryo Handa in whatever other projects she does

[solaciummeae]

{ Laws of the Land: }

Please read these before interacting. (:

My blog is PRIVATE. Typically I prefer to write with MUTUALS ONLY but I am currently open to NEW INTERACTIONS. I usually write && talk with someone OOC for a while BEFORE FOLLOWING to make sure we vibe.

I’m HIGHLY SELECTIVE with PARTNERS/FOLLOWS. I’m trying maintain a cleaner dash this time around. sidenote: When choosing partners: Literacy is a thing. I understand typos but basic spelling and grammar are easier to manage than trying to mentally fix things as I go. I DO understand language barriers. But BOTTOM LINE: If I can’t understand what just happened in your post, I can’t reply adequately because I have nothing to go from. I also prefer people who are dedicated and interested in writing detailed plots. Moving the story along.

By stating that I am PRIVATE: I reserve the right to work on the things that speak to me the most at any given time. I’ve had a lot of stress this year && this is a coping thing for me. I will write what I have MUSE for. Typically I will NOT start something unless I know I have MUSE for it to avoid dropping THREADS && INTERACTIONS. I’m simply focusing on things that I have the most juice for. sidenote: This means that while I have a ridiculous number MUSES && VERSES, I’ll be sticking pretty close to my MOST ACTIVE LIST unless we have heavily established PLOTS && CONNECTIONS OR I have explicitly offered to give you a MUSE OR VERSE that is NOT on the MOST ACTIVE LIST. I post this list regularly, it’s easy to find on my blog.

My blog is currently on LOW ACTIVITY temporarily. There are a lot of things going on in my life right now. I am trying to be on as much as possible. However, I won’t be here 24/7, nor am I obligated to THREAD/POST/TALK all the time. It is not personal. I was just diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis && have existing severe mental illness. Some days just suck.

IMPORTANT: I have roughly 230 muses, 40+ verses, my blog is ALWAYS under construction. These projects are my passion, that’s why I have them. Don’t be a jerk and tell me maybe I should cut back. I operate how I operate.

My writing is PG-13 to Mature. It’s not always this way but violence, explicit language, substance use, etc. happen here. NSFW of all kinds. I’m 28 and will only write with adult partners. So 18+ only on this blog. IMPORTANT: I will NOT write SMUT with others. It may happen occasionally in drabbles I write. But not in threads. I don’t mind sexual references, headcanons, jokes, etc. But no threading with NSFW language. Fade to black for me.

The length of my writing tends to fluctuate. Para to multi-para mostly. You do NOT have to match me because sometimes I might not completely match you. Just how it is.  Sidenote: Do NOT give me one or two sentences if I gave you a solid paragraph. It makes it really difficult to adequately reply. I might write a one liner starter, but it will ALWAYS grow.

On the topic of ORIGINAL VERSES && MY POST SERIES FANDOM VERSES: I welcome anyone to take part in my ORIGINAL VERSES or my POST SERIES FANDOM VERSES. PLEASE DO, that’s why I created them. However, do NOT steal my verses or post series for your plots. I work extremely hard to WORLD BUILD and develop these complex plotlines. DO NOT STEAL THEM && certainly DO NOT TAKE CREDIT FOR THEM. I do not mind if you and another person involved in that verse or post series with me write for the verse or plot but do NOT just openly steal them && start writing them with other people I don’t even know. I work my ass off for this stuff. Don’t be gross.

GRAPHICS IN THREADS: I use ICONS &&GIF ICONS. They keep it cleaner looking && more accessible. IMPORTANT: I have a very large number of UNDERUSED FACECLAIMS. For this reason, DRY POSTING WILL BE A THING. I’m working to make resources, but it takes time. IMPORTANT: I AM HERE FOR THE WRITING NOT THE GRAPHICS. I should already know what your muse looks like if I’ve seen a picture and likewise, you can find pictures of mine. NOTE: If my muse has no resources, I will post a pre-designed icon of them at the beginning of the thread so you know what they look like. After which it will be dry threading.

I would hope that you would have ideas of your own. It works much better if we can feed off of each other and really go back and forth with plots than things being one sided. Sadly, this has happened to me a lot. Sidenote: We don’t have to come up with something first but it would be nice if there was an idea. However, I won’t ever turn away an intriguing starter with no back story. Though, I might ask questions to make my reply as accurate as possible.

DO NOT GODMOD. I should be the only one controlling my character. I really hate when people assume they know my character and get them all wrong. Or even insinuate some prior history I never agreed to. Sounds ridiculous? It’s happened. If there’s a time it’s needed, shoot me an IM. I’m totally good with that.

I’m EXTREMELY SELECTIVE when it comes to ROMANTIC SHIPPING. I’ve been burned way too many times. My muses are my babies. If they aren’t feeling it. I am not going to force it on them. You can find ALL of my MUSES romantic preferences on my MUSE DIRECTORIES including if they’re romantic shippable or not. I have several who are CLOSED. Chemisty. Chemistry. Chemistry.

IMPORTANT: I AM NOT HERE JUST TO ROMANTIC SHIP. I’m tired of only ever heterosexual romantic shipping– especially with my MALES. Come to me with bromance, familial, platonic, or enemy. I’m always looking for new connections to my muses. It helps them grow as people.

IMPORTANT: I heavily prefer LGBT+ romantic ships at this point especially as a queer writer myself. I’m real over the heteronormativity. If you come to me with a queer pairing I’m far more likely try it out.

IMPORTANT: Please give my FEMALES as much attention as you give my MALES. I’ve tried closing my MALES. I still get used for them. Especially to romantic ship. Treat my FEMALES the way you’d want yours to be treated. I’m always down for F/F interactions so we both win. I truly love female muses, I simply wanna get to use mine too.

Drama is pretty much a must, in the sense of the plot. I’ve had people tell me they don’t like it and that’s fine but without things happening, the story doesn’t really progress.  IMPORTANT: However! NO DRAMA OOC. I worked with middle school kids for half a decade so my bullshit meter is super low. No OOC drama. No HATE.   I DO have the following TRIGGERS: incest, rape, sexual assault of any kind, romanticizing the devil. 

The first three are self explanatory. However the fourth has become really common with shows like Lucifer in existence. For personal reasons, treating the devil like he’s a cool guy is really triggering for me. I understand that his character from Supernatural is very popular. However, romanticizing him, making him seem like he’s “not actually a bad guy.” like he’s just “misunderstood.” or even “falling in love with the devil.” I can’t handle. If you’re writing him as a villain or enemy that’s perfectly fine. It’s really just the threads and content that romanticizes him that really really triggers me. 

I’m asking that these things be tagged: tw: incest, tw: rape, tw: sexual assault, tw: devil friendly.

NOTE: If I ever post anything you need tagged with a trigger that I haven’t, please don’t hesitate to ask. If it makes you uncomfortable I don’t want you to have to see it. Typically I don’t post traditionally triggering content. But just in case, let me know.

Last but certainly not least, I’M HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS. Seriously. I want to get to know you OOC. You guys are my friends and I care about you very much. I love chatting. Likewise, I can make a great soundboard. If you need someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate. You guys are so important to me. I’ve been on Tumblr roleplaying for about five years. But I’ve been roleplaying for about 13 years total. And some of my closest friends have come from writing with others.

These have been updated as of 10/08/19. I tried to make them more streamline and I really do appreciate you reading them. It makes writing together easier. If I find out you didn’t read them before interacting I will be less inclined to write with you. I read all rules before I follow someone or write with them so I expect the same courtesy. They are here for a reason.

Thank you!

💜💜💜💜💜

[seriousfic]

Elseworlds

Well, Tumblr isn’t dead yet and the CW-DC just did a big crossover, so I think it’s time to make fun of the CW........ for the last time.

Did you know Tim Allen actually ended Home Improvement after season 8 because he knew the show couldn’t maintain its level of quality and was on the way downhill? Tim Allen has more creative integrity than anyone involved in the making of Supernatural. Think about that.

Anyhoo, lots to digest! Largely, this crossover felt to me weirdly lackluster and obligatory, like the whole thing was just a trailer for the oncoming Crisis on Infinite Earths crossover. It just felt unambitious, which is the last thing an ‘event’ like this should feel like. In fact, it felt a little like I imagine the result would be of filming a bunch of people playing DC Universe Online. We visit Smallville and see Lois Lane! We go to Gotham and meet Batman...’s cousin, and fight a breakout at Arkham Asylum, complete with Mr. Freeze...’s gun and the Scarecrow...’s fear gas. Then, we wrap the whole thing up with an Evil Superman, because God knows, DC never gets bored of that.

-Petty nitpick department: Batwoman just standing around on rooftops looks weird. Not only does it give the odd impression that she’s spent the entire time between episodes just, uh, standing, but c’mon--you’re supposed to crouch. Or at least hunch. Everybody knows that!

-Weirdly missed opportunity to have Ollie do the Flash narration, considering all the other opening narrations are futzed with.

-The whole thing is pretty much a glorified body swap--Stephen Amell is playing Barry Allen and vice versa. I can see how TPTB would be too pressed for time to explain a whole ‘nother continuity where Barry Allen became Green Arrow and Oliver Queen became the Flash, but still, it’s not as much fun.

-They also wholeheartedly borrow the thing of Ollie having to be happy to use Barry’s powers and Barry having to be mad to use Ollie’s ‘powers’ from the episode of Teen Titans where Raven and Starfire switched bodies. So, I guess, congratulations on making the central plot point of your crossover the same as a half-hour episode of a children’s cartoon.

-Remember that time Barry was too happy and too confident in his abilities, so his dad died?  

-They got a good actress to play the Lois Lane to this Clark Kent, considering they both just look kinda awkward? His chin looks like he had a face transplant done and her nose looks like someone is constantly Photoshopping it.

NHHHA, He-Man!!

-Don’t do a callback to Smallville, show. Oliver Queen has now spent more time in costume as the Flash than Tom Welling did as Superman.

-Direct fucking hit when Oliver said that Barry couldn’t take a crap without getting a peptalk from his team, but on the other hand, Oliver can’t take a crap without Felicity wondering what it means for their relationship. “Oliver didn’t tell me he needed to go to the bathroom! Why wouldn’t he trust me?”

-I’m just saying, last season on Agents of SHIELD, pretty much every character was in a relationship--there was not so much damn drama. It’s a fucking body-swap plotline, guys. You don’t need to treat it like it could lead to someone’s divorce! Really, at this point, if you’re in a relationship with a crazy superhero, you should be used to it. 

-(Although I suppose I’m a little hard to please here, since over on Legends of Tomorrow they suddenly expect us to care about Constantine rescuing the love of his life when we’ve seen their relationship for all of four seconds. But hey, like I said, Agents of SHIELD manages a happy medium and finds time for Ghost Rider to show up.)

-For the post-apocalyptic hellscape they make Gotham out to be, the police respond awfully fast to disturbances.

-”We’re on the corner of Burton and Nolan!” Groooooan.

-Ruby Rose, everyone: the Less Convincing Michelle Rodriguez. It’d probably a bad sign for how compelling Kate Kane is as a character that everyone would rather talk about where Batman is and why Batman would leave. And, speaking as someone who both watched Birds of Prey and The Dark Knight Rises--Rocky, that ‘Batman Retires’ plot point never works!

-(Is Batwoman even that popular a character to get her own spin-off? I suppose she’s ‘TV show’ popular, but still--I think she’s one of those Batfamily members that is somewhere behind Alfred but ahead of Ace, right next to Azrael. And I do think it’s hilarious that TPTB were insistent on casting a real, authentic lesbian!!!--and then immediately got complaints that they didn’t cast a Jew. Oh, Ziggy, will you ever win?)

-I don’t want to be too hard on Ruby Rose here. Yes, she doesn’t showcase anything other than one mode: Snide And Slightly Pouty (Stephen Amell ain’t winning no Oscars, but he can differentiate between Ollie As A Civilian and Ollie In A Halloween Costume). But the writing does her no favors in making a case for this character as being deserving of any amount of screentime, besides the fact that she dresses like Batman, the guy we really care about. She’s a heroine, as are featured variously in every Arrowverse show. She’s queer, as is Alex Danvers, Sara Lance, John Constantine, et al. She’s rich to the point of having unlimited resources, as are (sometimes) Oliver Queen, Barry Allen, Kara through her billionaire friends. She lives in a crime-ridden hellhole, as Ollie has done for several seasons. What makes any of this compelling? The Gotham setting? Arrow has already turned itself into an effective facsimile of that, to the point of having Ra’s al Ghul show up to make Queen into his son-in-law. Arkham Asylum seems completely generic, as does Wayne Tower. It’s all just a different part of Vancouver; who cares?

-Likewise, Supergirl, speaking to you as a TV show--you really should either be adamant that Kara is heterosexual or give her a weirdly flirtatious scene with Batwoman, but not both. I know you need, need, need to let the audience know Batwoman is a lesbian...

Pictured: The CW subtly letting you know about a character’s minority status.

But c’mon. We’ve been over this.

-Speaking of minority status, maybe it’s not the best idea to let slip that John Diggle is an AU John Stewart. Yes, there’s ten brothas in the DC Universe, and four of them are actually the other six. There are so few Negros on Earth-1 that they had to make Barack Obama into a superhero. The Batfamily has two black folks and they’re both related to Lucius Fox. There’s so few black people in Metropolis that Black Lightning knows who his father is!

Folks, the DC Universe is so white, the Black Lanterns are all dead. The DC Universe is so white, they don’t even have black Kryptonite. The DC Universe is so white, even Black Condor is a honky. The DC Universe is so white, they don’t even need a Justice League of Africa, they just have a Batman of Africa! The DC Universe is so white, the blackest guy on the Justice League is a refrigerator with one-half of a brother’s face on top of it. The DC Universe is so white, they named the black woman on the Teen Titans after a bug that’s half yellow! Now Milestone, the Milestone Universe is black. It’s so black, Aquaman is the most powerful superhero there, because he’s the only one who can swim!

(-I’m planning on being chased off of Tumblr like Indiana Jones after he snags an ancient artifact.)

-Would it be that hard for them to go to Arkham and run into the Ventriloquist or Orca or someone memorable, so long as they have access to the Batman toy chest? We got, uhh, Lady Who Can Pick Up Gun and Psycho Pirate I Guess? Like I said, unambitious. Wouldn’t it be so much cooler if they got someone from Gotham to film just one little cameo? 

-Also, considering the sex scandal these shows have had, maybe it’s not the best idea to joke about their EPs being depraved maniacs? (Was Guggenheim the one who actually got MeToo’d? Because if so, Dude--Not Funny)

-The show had to character-shill Batwoman so hard that Ollie and Barry stopped being fear-gassed just to reiterate that she is too an interesting character in her own right! (If the characters have all heard of Batman, wouldn’t they have heard of Batwoman too if she’s been an active vigilante more recently?)

-But who cares about four unstoppable superheroes teaming up when we can find out how Felicity feels about her relationship? Just a thought--if you fight with your SO all the time about nearly everything, maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship. 

-Long story short, Doctor Destiny rewrites reality again to make Barry, Oliver, and Kara into supervillains in a world where he’s the hero. He also makes the other characters into pointless cameos, and weirdly gets criticized by Kara for... not giving himself a sex-change operation by becoming Superman instead of Supergirl? He doesn’t have gender dysphoria, Supergirl. I thought she was all about trans issues this season?

-Like, I don’t know, if a woman used a magic lamp to wish herself President, would anyone criticize her making herself a lady President instead of a man President?

-I guess it wouldn’t be Supergirl unless they crowbarred in an extremely awkward girlpower message where Superman and Lois agree that Supergirl/women in general are more useful than men, despite the fact that all Supergirl did was the exact same thing as Barry, while Superman and Oliver fought Dr. Destiny, and all Lois did was call in a bunch of men as reinforcements and then need to be rescued.

-But like I said about being unambitious--wouldn’t it be fun to see our heroes be forced to team up with a few supervillains to save the day? Instead, we just have Cisco playing a villain (something he’s done numerous times before). They get his help, have a weirdly poor showing in a fight against Jimmy Olsen, get Superman’s help again, yadda yadda. 

-We also get Superman proposing to Lois Lane. Yeah, considering they’ve been in a relationship at least since Supergirl Season 1, she’s carrying his child, and they’re planning to move to an alien world together, yeah, I should think so? I know Superman probably isn’t a Republican, but does anyone think he’d be so blase about putting a ring on it? Hell, if nothing else, he should want to tie the knot before Ma or Pa bite it. Couldn’t they have just made it that he wants to renew his vows with Lois in a Kryptonian ceremony or some such? 

[emilywatchescursedshow]

Spn Season 1 Review

Hoboy

First, the live blogs of the last 4 episodes were done in a haze of jetlag depression so were less specific to what was actually happening in the episodes than normal and contained no extraneous information. HOWMEVER. I will get into those episodes more in this recap because:

1. I do not feel like the season really Led Up to this finale. Part of that could be because I took a bit of a break halfway through, but I think also the groundwork for the Sam/John parallel they tell us about was not really set up in previous episodes. 2. I think that the characterization of the brothers and their relationship to John is really Interesting in these episodes and the drama of that is a big part of the show as a whole, so the last several episodes are pretty relevant here.

THEMING The theme of season 1 is more or less: family. How do you handle family trauma and loss? How do you as a parent protect your children vs let them have independent lives (or just suck major ass)? To what extent is your family holding you back? Etc. The two sort of relationship dynamics this plays in is the Sam/Dean dynamic and the John/sons dynamic.

DEAN Dean’s characterization through this theme remains pretty consistent: he wants to be with his family. He showed up to get Sam at the beginning of the season, and he wants to keep them all alive at the end of the season instead of sacrificing John to kill the demon. The irony is that the season ends with them all “dying” (I know they’re not dead, but right now that’s what the show wants us to believe) and Dean’s insistence on family unity is what ends up getting them all killed.

Dean’s story line throughout has been one of responsibility assumed too early. After their mom died, his dad basically made him co-parent. Dean had to give up his ambitions to bend to his dad’s wishes while also trying to protect Sam from John and various monsters. It makes sense for him, given that backstory, that keeping the family together is his highest priority: he has been forced to give up all sense of self to keep his family safe, so if they die then he literally has nothing. I think it’s interesting that Dean is the only one of him or Sam who actually knew their mother, and yet Sam is the one who gets a mother-relevant character arc.

That might be because of the next aspect of Dean’s character we see: he likes to have sex with women. I tend to be pretty sensitive to misogyny/mistreatment of women on screen, so either I’ve lost my mind or I’m already watching this show through a very queer lens because Dean’s treatment of women throughout the season Did Not Bother Me. The only thing that really rang sour was at the beginning of Provenance when Dean is lying to women about his job to get into bed with them, but even then, like, eh? The whole scene (and all the other such scenes) are depicted with a lightheartedness that is hard to read malice into, and Jackles plays that part with such a wide-eyed “Wow! I get to have sex now!” that it’s hard not to feel anything but happy for the guy. I do suspect that Dean is supposed to be characterized as “treating women like whores/expendable” and so does not have an attachment to his mother in this season because he’s not allowed to have a complex relationship with a woman.

SAM Uh boy. So Sam’s arc begins with his girlfriend getting immolated - we learn later that Sam wanted to propose to her and so she was getting in the way of the demon’s plans for “kids like him.” Whatever that means - the show does not communicate its stakes to us AT ALL, more on that later. Sam gets some episodes of characterization throughout. The only two I can remember are the one with the abused psychic and the one where a woman decides she’s in love with him within seconds of meeting him. In neither episode to I really feel like I understand Sam as a character. We are told at various points that he really loved Jessica and her death has affected him greatly. At the beginning of the season, he dreams about it often, but these dreams end up being psychic in nature (I think?) and fall off by mid season. He doesn’t have a keepsake of hers to gaze at longingly or any other way of showing he’s having trouble letting go. Dean basically lets him off the leash to go kiss Sarah in Provenance, which he seems pretty happy to do and has no real guilt over after. Sam’s characterization is carried out very directly - we are told what he is feeling or had felt, instead of some combination of saying it via dialogue and reading it from his actions. I’ve mentioned that I don’t think Jarp is especially strong as an actor, but I have to chalk this up to both weaknesses in writing and acting because scenes that communicate Sam’s internal world are largely nonexistent IMO.

We are told that the connection between their mother’s death and Jess’s death has had a great impact on Sam. He believes that he is cursed so that the “people he loves” (read, women) will die. While in a broad sense this might be true as the demon does admit to have targeted Sam, the supposed “curse” is not really dealt with by Sam except as a barrier in his journey to move on from lost love. Jess’s death served as Sam’s call to adventure at the beginning of the season and should give some emotional connection to Sam’s continued commitment to hunting, but until the final episodes Sam’s involvement in the monster world is continually explained as “wants to find dad” and not “wants to break curse.” In these episodes, Sam’s Jess backstory comes back and we are told that his desire to kill the demon makes him “like John.” Which. Is. Stupid. Let me explain.

In terms of the theming, Sam’s wanting to kill the demon even though it might cost the lives of any number of the Winchesters makes sense because of his established relationship with his family. He wanted to have a normal life which alienated him from Dean and John. Sam has very negative memories of John, and has little brother blindness to the stuff Dean did for him growing up and is largely unhappy with Dean as well. Thus it is not surprising that to Sam, a Winchester dying is not as large a price to pay if it means that Sam gets to have a normal life.

HOWEVER. I am giving the show a LOT of credit here because they DO NOT make that connection, instead going for the stupid “Sam is like John” parallel which is treated almost like a surprise reveal. John’s reasons for killing the demon are NOT Sam’s reasons for killing the demon. John is motivated by revenge to an insane degree: it has consumed his life and the lives of both of his sons. Sam is not revenge motivated. He moves on from Jess’s death in literally THE EPISODE before the finale run starts. Sam is motivated by what he has always been motivated by: his desire for a normal life, including a wife who wont burst into flames. So on a thematic level, short-handing these character conflicts as “Sam is like John” (which is explicitly stated multiple times throughout these episodes) does not work because these characters are approaching family from a very different place even if they end up with the same goal.

I do want to mention that I think Sam’s backstory of wanting a normal life could have been set up better; the show does a good job with Dean’s “too much responsibility too young” child stand-in, but Sam does not get a “I just wanted to go to prom” child stand-in. Which I miss because that would be HILARIOUS. I think the issue the show has here with Sam is, in short, that Sam wanting to be normal is Very Boring, whereas the world of monsters and how Tortured and Jaded everyone is is much Sexier.

JOHN The text of the show is pretty unabashed about telling us things that John did that a reasonable audience member could interpret as being Very Bad. In the brief moments he has on the show, the dynamic between him and his sons is mixed. There are plenty of heartfelt family moments, and there are plenty of fights. I think the show is definitely weakest when it is following John by himself. I do not care about John except as he relates to Sam and Dean, and really if he is in any sort of danger I just want him to die based on how awful he is as a person, so the suspense does not swing the way the writers maybe wanted it to. 

I think the twist at the end, where Dean realizes the demon has possessed their dad because he’s acting nicer, just b a r e l y works based on what they’ve set up. Honestly, I think the real problem is that John Winchester’s actor does not, to me, read as having any onscreen charisma. In the altercations that he has with Sam, I don’t really feel a threat from him. There isn’t any explosive or destructive energy, just sort of “your mom is mad you ate the last of her ice cream” energy. I’ve literally BEEN a more intimidating fake drill sergeant than John Winchester and I’m 5 feet tall and 110 lbs. John has big sad wet dog energy. He can get mad, but not in a way that’s actually intimidating. Thus, him telling Dean that he’s proud is sort of like “yeah, I bet this milksop is proud or whatever” and not “wow I would have expected that character to be a lot more upset right now.” I get that family dynamics can be complicated and a parent can cause you Bone Pain with just a look that to anyone else would seem harmless, but this is a television show where things have to read on screen. One Look Bone Pain is a lot more nuanced to construct. I think John being Big Mean Drill Sergeant is what they’re trying for, but in my opinion he's mostly just annoying.

Anyway John sucks.

WHAT’S NOT THERE The above talks a lot about what *is* in the show vis. the family theme. But Emily, this is a monster show. What about the monsters? Well. What about them indeed.

This first season of Supernatural is very clearly referencing the tradition of The X-Files and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. A lot of former X-Files people are credited on the season and they mention BTVS by name in an episode that is clearly themed around season 6 Buffy villains. Howmever. Both TXF and BTVS have a very important thing that Supernatural does not. STAKES. And not just ones meant for vamps that then get ignored by SPNs stupid vamp lore voice over.

Both BTVS and TXF handle their monsters very differently. BTVS is a universe where the main character has been fully initiated into the world of monsters so that, throughout the course of the episode, it is reasonable for her to detail pretty specifically what the monster is and what it is capable of. On the other hand, the characters in TXF must always be kept on the edge of the monster world, getting faint glimpses here and there. Usually, Mulder has an expository scene giving information on “what is known” at the beginning of the episode and then further monstrosity is communicated to the audience via interstitial scenes that tell the audience what the monster is and where it’s going, introducing dramatic tension: AA NO SCULLY DON’T TOUCH THAT IT’S SUPER GROSS. Both avenues successfully communicate to the audience what the monsters are (approximately), what they can do, and what their motivations are. This means that in the climactic scene, the audience knows what the STAKES are. They know what might be lost of the main characters fail, they know what the characters need to overcome to succeed, and they know what the monster is trying to accomplish.

Now. Some of the MOTW episodes in Supernatural do communicate what the monster is and what it wants. Scarecrow and Bugs are two that come to mind that both do this. Tellingly, both of these episodes also seem very modeled on TXF (compare/contrast Bugs with the trash golem episode of TXF where Mulder hip thrusts after sticking a flamingo in the yard, essay for another time).

Home is the first Supernatural episode that I identified as being extremely plot-oriented after the pilot. It’s also the first episode after the pilot to give sole writing credit to Kripke. There are interstitial scenes wherein the audience sees spooky stuff happening. However, these scenes do not further the audience’s understanding of the monster - we already know the house is evil and trying to kill people, and that’s pretty much all those scenes show. Moreover, Sam and Dean do not learn more about the monster in the house during this episode; their arc is basically just “Wow, isn’t it strange that the house is spooky now? Our mom died here!” The resolution at the end is borderline incomprehensible and their mother just sort of. Appears. Out of nowhere and then vanishes again with very little emotional weight given to this occurrence later in the episode or in the next episode. My summary of Home was pretty much “I did not like this and don’t want to be mean.” I talked about how I like monsters in monster shows, whereas Supernatural is more of a soap opera.

And yeah, the finale of Supernatural (written by Kripke) basically follows that track as well. I don’t know what these demons are or what they want. I don’t know what they can do besides possess people. When Meg confronts people and talks all big it’s hard for me to take seriously because I don’t know what she wants or what she is capable of, except in that one scene where she wanted to fuck Sam which. gross!

This is what I mean by saying that Supernatural does not have stakes. When the choice between losing a family member verses not defeating the monster is posited, the only reason I as an audience member feel engaged is the family conflict that has been established. There is no tension about the monster because I just have to assume that it will do whatever the writers decide it should do. I’m not weighing the odds of the Winchesters winning, I’m just watching them point guns at each other and hoping for the best.

CONCLUSION Jensen Ackles does a good job of playing Dean and he should get an award especially for his performances in the last two episodes of the show. IMO, he basically carried the emotional weight of the conflict and really made us root for Sam to not shoot his dad which is HARD because of how badly John sucks. I’m going to keep watching this show because of Jensen Ackles playing Dean Winchester. Fight me about it.

I think season 1 of Supernatural felt like watching two different shows with the same main characters. On the one hand, you have the MOTW episodes which invariably begin with “Here’s why we’re not tracking down our dad, even though that’s our stated motivation” and then tell a nice monster mystery with some good character beats. On the other hand, you have the series arc episodes, which are soap operas with demonic elements. I’m fine with it - because of Jensen Ackles as Dean Winchester. I’m interested to see what season 2 is like.

[bardqueenofgallifrey]

I didn't have a tumblr account in 2013, so I have no idea how the fuck a 53-year-old Sci fi show became part of something as cringe as "superwholock". I mean, I watch Sherlock but damn this match makes no sense. Could you explain to me how it happened please???

Honestly? I don’t know exactly.

I was never really a part of SuperWhoLock, and I don’t think I was on here for the origins either, but whenever it was that I did get on here, I was just a passionate Whovian who also watched and liked Sherlock (these days I’m pretty indifferent about Sherlock one way or another, and give as few shits about Supernatural as I ever did).  

BUT, I’m gonna see if I can try and work out/theorise how SuperWhoLock rose and fell, if only to try and make the point that Doctor Who never deserved to be lumped in with it. Feel free to challenge any points I make, because I’m guessing here. 

although, frankly, this idea of cringe culture is kinda snobby and gross. let people like shit, damn, if they’re not hurting anyone or trying to say Supernatural is the best show ever, who gives a fuck, honestly

Firstly, the thing about Doctor Who is that it has been around for literal multiple decades. Almost fifty four years. It has been around since before some of our parents were born. 

Doctor Who fans were around long before the internet was invented. They were here before, and will be here long after everyone has forgotten what the hell Supernatural ever was. Doctor Who fans are now the ones making Doctor Who. They were the ones who, when it got cancelled, created an entire thriving Audio Drama business through the love of it that still existed everywhere, and they are the ones who brought it back and now create it. They’ve never let it die. 

You know why? Why Doctor Who’s endured, and is so passionately loved by so many, and before all this mess wasn’t any more cringy than being into Star Trek? Because it’s good. 

It is a flawed show, of course (always, somehow, in some way, in ways that vary across different eras), but one that is good in a reckless, nonsensical, optimistic way. No matter the ups and downs of its objective quality, it’s never really lost its heart. 

It is a show with a protagonist that uses words/intelligence/compassion over violence to fight, a show that focuses on telling hopeful adventures that can be watched by children and also inform them of some of the harsher aspects of the world in an interesting way.

Also, it’s always been quite progressive. It had the first female drama producer at the BBC, and a gay Indian director. No one wanted it to succeed and it’s a miracle the show ever got off the ground. 

People like to talk about the “screaming Classic companions” but you know what? Fuck that. The Classic ladies were all wonderful, including the biggest screamers. Susan? The Doctor’s granddaughter, genius, with telepathic abilities and a whole lot of heart. Mel? Computer programmer aka fucking smarty pants, who once flipped the Doctor over her shoulder, and was such a genuinely nice person that it was genuinely impressive. Zoe? Adorable 60′s companion who canonically had a higher IQ than the Doctor. 

Doctor Who ladies have been awesome since the beginning, and calling out misogyny from the beginning. 

(It ALSO had errors of its time, especially an Orientalism issue that is pervasive through a lot of older sci-fi, that can’t and shouldn’t be forgotten either. But that’s for the most part irrelevant to this discussion other than the general whiteness which is still obviously a problem albeit one the show is slowly working on.)

The reboot then brought in (some, not enough) queer characters and main characters of colour, etc, and its general diversity has only been getting better and better on that front for the most part, especially in the last couple of years. 

But anyway, how the hell did it get mixed up with the whole SuperWhoLock mess? 

Well, the reboot brought in a whole new generation of fans, and only got bigger and bigger and bigger, and was peaking RIGHT about when Sherlock aired. 

The Doctor Who and Sherlock crossover is easy enough to work out; they had the same headwriter(s), and they’re both about neurodivergent (coded??) genius white guys that theoretically have a kind of unconventional attractiveness to them. You can see how they drew in the same crowd. 

Now, how the hell Supernatural became a part of that, I’ve no idea. I’ve never been a Supernatural fan (even if I did watch the first four and a half seasons once, more or less enjoy them, but also not find them massively interesting). 

But I’m going to assume it’s because it again involved white guys with Big Emotions, that the fans could thirst over, who were undertaking some larger than life shit. 

My theory is that it, at least partly, was the White Male Slash Fandom. 

You know. That group of mostly straight girls who treat shipping conventionally attractive white men like a fetish and a kink to explore, who will ship basically any two CAWM under the sun if they so much as look at each other. I imagine the Johnlock crowd overlapped with the Destiel and Wincest crowd, and Doctor Who, since it had Ten/Simm!Master (and Eleven/Rory to a lesser extent) as well as some nice hetero ships, kind of got dragged along because almost everyone in the Sherlock fandom was probably in the Doctor Who fandom too. 

You can kind of see how it fits. The Supernatural gang and the Team TARDIS are big damn heroes with a lot of heart, while Sherlock fulfilled the ideal levels of pretentiousness that we all go through in our teenage years. 

Of course, then everyone realised that Supernatural kinda sucks because it’s an incredibly white, incredibly male, incredibly STRAIGHT show that just queerbaits its audience and doesn’t know when to call it quits, and so everyone started jumping ship. 

Then everyone looked at Sherlock, either went “this has its issues but it’s still fun”, “this is QUEERBAITING TOO, WHY WONT JOHNLOCK KISS, FUCK MOFFISS”, or “this is also incredibly white, incredibly male, and incredibly straight, so fuck this also”, and that was it for Sherlock and general opinion too. 

(For the record: Johnlock was not queerbait. Johnlock was an expression of Steven Moffat’s own very intimate, but platonic, friendship with Mark Gatiss, and they explicitly told everyone they were not gonna make it gay. And then the toxic ass fandom, deluded out their minds, started sending Gatiss - an actual gay man - abuse about being “an honorary straight” for not making their fetishised fictional relationship canon, at one point literally the day after the Pulse massacre. Seriously. What the fuck. Never speak about it being queerbaiting ever again and leave Mark Gatiss the fuck alone.) 

Now. Doctor Who had meanwhile been dealing with the changeover of the showrunner. 

Series 5 went down pretty well for the most part, but a lot of people had their issues with Series 6 and Series 7. The fandom had kind of gotten too big, for a show this unconventional. To the point of a lot of people not being able to deal with the distinct change from the style of Russell T Davies, because they weren’t really aware of how the show needs to reinvent itself constantly even on a stylistic level. Because they were treating the show like any other show, when one can’t really do that. 

It was all kind of a mess of:

very mixed fan reception on Series 6

Series 7 being on the weaker side (not as weak as some people who missed the whole point of Clara’s storyline make it out to be, but weak nonetheless, though Moffat has admitted to this and explained it was because he was under so much pressure about the looming 50th anniversary, and like, fuck, fair enough)

people being pissed at Moffat for Sherlock shit

Russell T Davies having done quite a few things in his era that are questionable from a wider Doctor Who standpoint, which Moffat as the Ultimate Who Fan didn’t go along with, only to then receive hate from people who were convinced that if RTD did something it must be right, because they haven’t seen Classic Who or apparently bothered to do a couple of google searches to educate themselves

plus, a few of Moffat’s quotes around 2012ish got taken out of context because he’s a sarcastic little shit who runs his mouth

and so people got the idea that Moffat’s a narcissistic misogynist who “loves white men”

also people confused “plot hole” with “is going to be explained later” and complained about him having plot holes in series 5-7 when really it’s just that he was waiting to tie up all the loose ends in Matt Smith’s finale episode

Anyway, thus began the popular - to this day! - sentiment of thinking that Moffat is one of the worst things to happen to television, or at least Doctor Who (and Sherlock Holmes). 

And so, that was the “downfall” of Doctor Who and SuperWhoLock, so to speak, as all three shows were written off by the wider Tumblr/nerd community as being incredibly cringy. 

Now, to examine it from today’s view, in light of recent series/opinion about the series/the female Doctor reveal. 

The problem is, the general attitude about Moffat - who don’t get me wrong, is far from a flawless writer, or person - has literally reached the point of mass delusion. It’s very clear that literally thousands of people have a completely fictionalised version of him in their heads. 

How do I know this? I saw someone say that a female Doctor was a “defiance of everything the Moffat era stood for”. 

As in, the same Moffat era that, in the last three seasons:

explicitly made the genderfluidity of Time Lords canon (Dark Water/Death In Heaven, World Enough And Time)

changed the Master into a woman (Dark Water)

had the now female Master refer to becoming a woman as an “upgrade” (The Witch’s Familiar)

had a companion’s whole storyline be about “becoming the Doctor” in her own right, with her getting a whole episode of her pretending to be the Doctor, and her flying off in her own TARDIS with a companion of her own in the end of her final episode! (Flatline, Hell Bent)

had ANOTHER companion’s storyline end with her immortal space girlfriend at the console of the TARDIS, offering for her to travel through all of time and space with her in a direct parallel to the Nine/Rose offer from the first episode to the reboot (The Doctor Falls, Rose)

had a Time Lord regenerate from a white guy to a black lady onscreen just to FINALLY shut up people who said race/gender changes couldn’t happen (Hell Bent)

had the Doctor positively reacting to the suggestion that he could be  - or had been - a woman, multiple times (Death In Heaven, World Enough And Time, The Doctor Falls)

Moffat’s era has been statistically proven to have shifted public opinion in favour of a female Doctor (ask @scriptscribbles, if you want proof), thanks to the above. 

Simm!Master: “She? Is the future going to be all girl?” 

Twelve: “We can only hope.” 

Also, Moffat wrote Lumley!Doctor in The Curse of Fatal Death in 1999. He’s been pushing for a female Doctor for 18 damn years. 

So, the idea that anyone thinks he’s against it, as opposed to having explicitly worked to help make it happen for years, shows that the general opinion of him is literally a mass fictionalisation/delusion. 

(It’s just one example, but there are hundreds of others, like how everyone seems to think he thinks of himself as The Greatest Ever and having a huge ego, when he’s literally one of the most self-deprecating people ever, if you watch him in an interview. He’s openly admitted to mistakes he’s made on his time on the show, such as the way he handled the scene at the end of Flesh and Stone, and how Series 7 wasn’t his best because of the pressure he was under about the upcoming 50th anniversary; he is aware of his fallibility.) 

He’s not a perfect person, or writer, and no one knows that better than him. There’s a lot of critical discussions we could have about his writing, and there are a fair few actual problems with it, just as there are in the RTD era, and every damn era of Who that has existed. I’m not saying everybody has to like it, because every era of Doctor Who is down to personal preference, and that’s fine. There are plenty of rational, well-informed people, fans and otherwise, who have their -often sound - reasons for not liking Moffat and/or his era of Who in general. I am friends with some of them. 

But those rational, well-informed people are like, 5% of the people who otherwise make up a sea of loud, ignorant delusion that condemns Doctor Who under Moffat’s direction and downright refuses to acknowledge some of the amazing stuff it’s done in the last few years. 

(Like, Series 10 featured a black lesbian co-lead who got a happy ending, leaving the Moffat era finishing strong on six canonically sapphic women, four of whom are still alive, none of whom died pointlessly or without agency, and three of whom are immortal or close enough, in a time when all other TV sapphics are dropping dead like flies. It also had the Doctor punch a racist in the face and comment on how history is whitewashed, and had an episode slamming capitalism. Plus, the finale canonised that Time Lords don’t view gender the same way, reinforcing canon genderfluid Time Lords.)  

Between his second and third seasons of DW being divisive and/or a bit weak, all the Sherlock shit going down, and the fall of Supernatural, and the issue of people taking RTD Who as the baseline for everything Doctor Who when they really shouldn’t have, anti-Moffat sentiments got so big that masses of people fell off the show, and continue to refuse to acknowledge that he might have done anything worthwhile with it since they left. That he might, as a person, have developed and improved. 

And so, that is potentially how Doctor Who got lumped in with SuperWhoLock, labelled “not progressive”, and considered “cringy” to this day. 

Or at least, that’s my theory, as someone who wasn’t really paying a lot of attention, but knows her Doctor Who. 

[awed-frog]

Wait, you just said Cas didn't like being human but there's another meta writer saying he wants to be human - now my head hurts! Can you explain...?

Hey, I’m assuming when you say ‘another meta writer’ you’re talking about @tinkdw and her comment on my post? If so, a short answer for you may be that Tink and I see this show in a different way, and have agreed to disagree on several topics. I find her opinions interesting and well-written, and I think it’s enriching for the fandom that meta writers (not only me and Tink, obviously, but everyone else) come from different places and have different ideas about things. That said, what is also true about a show like Supernatural is that it delights in doublespeak, which I find - less interesting. Like, if you look at metas stuff from the other fandoms - unfortunately, I don’t have time to do so regularly, but I lurk on Reddit from time and time and I like to spy on the GoT fandom - well, I’m always slightly surprised at how different things are with them, because there, they discuss - normal things, you know? What they do is either trying to delve into the world-building (they argue about the size of dragons and the recipe of wild fire and the differences and similarities between Westeros and 15th century England) or speculating on foreshadowed plot points (Jon’s true parentage and what it could mean for the succession rights, what will happen to Bran’s powers, is Sam really writing this whole thing?) - and that’s it. Because even in such a complex story, who people are and what they want is mostly clear. There is no dogwhistling around important issues, no attempt to hide or tease a character’s sexuality - presumably because this is the twenty-first century, and if you want to write yourself a queer hero you can bloody do so.  

So, well - coming back to Cas’ humanity - as I said, Tink and I seem to have different opinions on the matter and that’s perfectly okay. If I understand her point, I think she’s right in that the narrative has been foreshadowing a ‘Cas will become human’ storyline for a while, because that’s how both he and Crowley were written in the last few years - the angel who was never happy, the demon who never fit, how they both fell in love with Dean Winchester and ultimately Fell for him - and, in a perfectly executed (if rushed and, in my opinion, badly written) The Last of the Mohicans scenario, the unwanted love interest (Crowley) sacrificed himself for his beloved, which means that Cas and Dean will eventually get their happy ending. 

Or, at least - that’s what happens in the trope, but there’s no real certainty Supernatural will go down this way at all. 

See, this was always the problem for me - that most of their story only makes sense if Crowley and Cas are in love with Dean (and by ‘in love’ I mean long walks on the beach and quickies on a kitchen table, not some sort of family bs), because, despite that whole thing with Sam’s blood, Crowley never bonded with Sam at all (because of REASONS, and wtf) and it was the fact he wanted to make Dean his and keep him safe that truly pushed him closer to humanity - not getting massages and sobbing in front of 1950s movies. And the same, of course, goes for Cas, and that’s the problem: as long as this love is not acknowledged in the open, all of this is subtextual, which means that nothing works the way it should. 

So, all of this to say - and I hope I’m making sense because I only slept five hours - that the issue with Cas’ humanity or lack thereof is a perfect example of Supernatural doublespeak: on the one hand, they’re teasing ‘what it could be’ and the whole hope Cas will do an Ariel (Disney version) and stay ‘for good’ (ie, living in the Bunker, with Dean, as a human, hunt with him and become that ‘something more - with a hunter’ Sam brought up out of the blue a couple of years ago), but on the other hand, they know that pursuing that option openly would imply coming clean on why, exactly, Dean and Cas are so interested in spending time together, and that’s something they’ve been unwilling to do for (*checks watch*) seven years now, so they’re stretching out the question of Cas’ identity instead, and toying with this will they/won’t they like a cat with a dying mouse. 

As to Cas himself, and what he wants - again, I disagree with Tink. I mean - while it’s true that Cas always had a fascination and love for humanity, he never expressed any interest in becoming human himself. He never did a Balthazar or a Thaddeus, inserting himself in a human family, or pursuing human friends. On the contrary, he’s always remained involved in the affairs of Heaven - from the beginning, Cas didn’t refuse Heaven by choosing Dean; instead, he was trying to fix the place and save it from itself - because it’s his home, and it’s been his home for millions of years. And getting to know Dean, learning to love him, has, if anything, intensified Cas’ desire to help his brothers - because he sees how selfless Dean is in helping his own (not only Sam, that is, but humanity as a whole). What Cas resents about Heaven, in my opinion, is not that he feels different - because, as we’ve seen, there are many angels who are different in some way - but that Heaven has lost its way, and has become a fearful, corrupted place. Cas’ problems - his depression, his certainty that he’s failed, his bitterness - won’t be solved by becoming human, or even by Sam and Dean opening their door to him (Dean has done so, after all, and it achieved nothing): what Cas needs is to fix his status as an angel, and that’s what would be ideal on a narrative level too, because choosing to stay on Earth when there is no other option is no choice at all. Furthermore, as @gneisscastiel said, we know Cas actively misses those pieces of his Grace that were taken from him. He misses flying, he misses the full extent of his powers; presumably, he misses belonging to a hive mind, and I always headcanoned that that’s why he feels so isolated all the time.

Now, if we consider the dark mirror here, a relationship between Dean and Crowley would never have worked, precisely because of this unbalance between them: Dean would never have trusted Crowley, not fully, until Crowley let go of his ‘demonhood’; but Crowley, in my opinion, would never have done so - perhaps out of fear, but mostly out of some healthy and founded self-preservation. But Cas - that’s a different matter. Cas doesn’t need to become human in order to become trustworthy, because he’s proved, again and again, that he can and will go against his species’ interests to help humanity (and Dean). And as for him powers and immortality - well, in an ordinary story, that would be a problem, but as @grey2510 pointed out, here things could work out, because Dean could grow old and die and Cas - Cas could simply fly up and share his Heaven (something that Bill Compton, for instance, would not have been able to do - hence his increasing desperation over his love for Sookie).

So, I don’t know. Personally, I think it would be cruel to strip Cas of his Grace in any case, and it would be a tad redundant and somewhat insulting to do so in the traditional way (ie, as a sacrifice to save Dean) now that Crowley’s done the same with little to show for it. Plus, if they did go there, it would need to be written right, with a full declaration of love on Dean’s part, because Cas becoming human - the subtext of that will always, always be ‘for Dean’ - and if they don’t make it explicit, what’s the point? And since they seem determined not to go there (I know some people are optimistic, but I’ll believe it when I see it - and by that I mean, Dean’s tongue in Cas’ mouth, not beer brands and wallpapers and missed phonecalls), since Cas himself is ambivalent about it, as is Dean (remember how guilty and terrified he was around human!Cas? an immortal creature losing his eternal life for him - do we really want to place this burden on Dean? would he ever recover?), personally I’d be happy with a different development - with Cas becoming more powerful, not less; with him recovering his wings and his brothers’ trust and with him being able to make his own choices, because that is, in a bizarre and unique twist, the only way to form a true relationship of equals between him and Dean.