#i mean they had the right idea before w doing the bare minimum of skills

[russianglitter]

did they... did they finally find a sensible beam routine for pereb?

[katherinemallory]

#10 The roulette of feelings

Hell is empty and all the previous chapters are here: #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 #9

After a few days in London we caught our flight to Monte Carlo. I’m not sure how long we stayed there. This mission felt like a long holiday since the very beginning.

Still on board we agreed that Bond would be the one to play poker and I would pose as his wife, or, as he has put it, “a crown jewel”. Usually I don't like being treated as such, since my experience in behaving like a damsel is close to a bare minimum, but this time I really enjoyed it. Bond was clearly pleased with his leading role in this show, and - while sitting at the poker table - he started to take chances more eagerly. He boasted about his poker skills all the time and I kept working from the shadows, observing him and our rivals, and making sure that we don’t expose ourselves too much. A win-win situation.

We were quite busy spending time at the casino, discussing the tactics, or using all the possible attractions offered by the city of Monte Carlo. The only contact I had with the outside world during the first week were my reports to MI6 which went directly to M, delivered to him by Eve Moneypenny.

One day, while Bond was on the meeting with our liaison (it's amazing the SIS has got its people... everywhere), my phone rang. I picked it up and sat on my bed, crossing my legs.

"Hi Eve. It’s nice to hear you. Did you... find out anything?"

"Not yet, Kath, but I'm working on it," she reassured me. "I just wanted to know how you're doing. You haven't been in touch for *days*. I’ve only noticed your daily reports."

"I'm more than fine, thank you. And I’m sorry for not being in touch... I have to admit I've been kinda busy, but... I won’t complain. Finally I do all those things I needed to recharge my batteries."

“I can’t believe what I hear! Does it mean I should become a double-0 if I want to feel more relaxed?” she teased me.

“You definitely should try it,” I replied, smiling. “I know it sounds crazy, but it’s absolutely true. I enjoy the high-life more than I expected... All those fancy parties, drinks, wealthy men, late-night strolls around the streets of Monte Carlo... You get used to it pretty quickly," I replied in delight. "Sometimes I forget that I am here for the purpose of work.”

“It’s great to hear that, Kath. You deserve it, especially after what happened in Geneva,” said Eve and hesitated. “And... And w-w-what about Bond...? I guess it’s him who takes you on these late-night strolls?” 

I laid on the bed, putting one pillow under my head. I looked straight at the white ceiling.

“Well... We spend each night at the casino, pretending to be a husband and a wife who just want to enjoy themselves... In the mornings Bond tries to teach me how to play poker. I fail miserably every time!” I chuckled. “We share a suite. I had some concerns before, but so far he behaves."

Eve's voice went up really high.

"You mean he did give up on you?”

I tilted my head to the right, placing my cheek on one of the pillows and pressing the phone to my ear.

"He didn’t. We flirt regularly," I replied, as I scratched my forehead with my left hand. “But he’s more patient now, I reckon. And more self-confident. He knows I can’t pay much attention to the other men at the casino, cause it would blow our cover immediately. He knows I wouldn’t do that... This is what makes him... erm... powerful. And he probably thinks I will fall for him eventually,” I added, rolling my eyes. “And I’m afraid he’s right.”

“Uh, you don’t really *mean* it, do you?” she asked, concerned. “There’s no pressure... This mission won’t last forever.”

“Honestly, Eve? Sometimes I feel like it will last forever... And Bond’s presence gets more addictive every day,” I said, lying on my back again. “I used to make fun of it, but I’m afraid I can’t resist Bond much longer. I mean... Not because he’s irresistible, but because... I really start to feel something for him.”

I took a deep breath and then continued:

“It all depends on what you find. If Mallo... erm, if the man I asked you to spy on... is married, then I don’t see any reason why I shouldn’t have an affair with Bond...”

“Fair enough,” commented Eve. “At least you know what Bond wants from you. Suppose that’s something. But didn’t you admit the other day that you loved Ma...”

“It’s more complicated than you think," I interrupted. "When you spend all days in Bond’s company, it changes your perspective entirely... You’d better hurry then. I am so confused recently...” Damn, I thought. There is no need to burden Eve with all of this... I should probably change the subject. “... but you didn’t tell me anything about yourself, how was your day at the SIS? Any news?”

“Business as usual. I can’t share much detail, but it seems like Amanda’s got reassigned as she had requested.”

“Good for her. Send my love.”

“I will. And I promise to get in touch as soon as I find out anything about... *him*.”

...

The upcoming days passed so fast that I didn’t think about anything apart from what was going on in Monte Carlo. Intuitively both myself and Bond concentrated on the everyday tasks of the mission, but it turned out most of the time we just had fun, which meant our Walther and Beretta were absolutely useless.

Since the only moments I had only to myself were those just before going to bed in the evenings, I often spent them on analyzing my own feelings and, as a result, I developed a certain kind of insomnia. Or, I should rather call it “a difficulty with falling asleep”.

My thoughts were centred on Mallory. I miss him. I miss him dearly, but only when I have time to think about what he's doing in his old-fashioned office in London. When Bond is around, it’s only him who matters to me. Why is that? What the hell has happened to me? I don't know, but it's disturbing. And I get tired every time I try to sort things out in my mind... Can I really sleep with Bond if Mallory’s married? It’s not about giving up on a married man (which is an obvious decision from my point of view, as I would never break up *anyone’s* marriage), but about being honest to myself. Do I really love Mallory if I can fantasize about Bond? Or do I really feel something for Bond if my next move depends on Mallory’s marital status?

After a few evenings of such intense thinking I realized that no matter the arguments, such analysis is pointless. I could be thinking about this for a year and still didn’t come up with a right solution. I decided to wait and see how the case would resolve itself.

On the last day - it was one of those splendid days in June when you feel the most alive - we went to the casino for one more time, looking more dashing than ever. Little did we know, when we walked hand in hand into the casino - Bond wearing a black dinner jacket and me in an evening scarlet dress - that Bond would win the night’s poker game, gaining an enormous amount of money.

Late at night, around 3 A.M. I went straight to the poker table and brought Bond a dry martini (I've already had a few of them myself to relieve the boredom).

"Congratulations," I said, handing him a martini.

"Thank you," replied Bond and drank half of his glass.

I looked at him with aroused interest while he was drinking. I was never good at poker and, as much as I didn't want to, I had to admit the way he played that night impressed me.

"What do we do now?"

For a while, he observed the olives that seemed as if they were swimming inside the glass, and then gave me a quick glance.

"We pack and come back to London."

"Is that so? What about the winnings?" I asked in disbelief, expecting some kind of joke rather than a matter-of-fact response.

"I will have to transfer them to MI6. I have already contacted M, he should send me the instructions in the next few hours."

"You've already contacted M? Someone's in a hurry. Was your time here *that* bad?” I taunted him.

Bond smirked, but didn't say anything. I glanced around the room. The people started to leave the place.

"So, it means we came here broken and we leave broken, despite the win?" I asked, laughing.

"One could say that," Bond agreed. "But I can still afford a dinner and a drink. Would you join me tonight for a humble celebration?"

"With pleasure. Let's enjoy our last hours in this marvellous place,” I said, taking him by the arm.

After the dinner in one of the restaurants at the casino, we went for our last walk around the streets of Monte Carlo. Both me and Bond became unexpectedly talkative, probably because of too many drinks we had to celebrate the happy ending of the mission.

It could have been around 5 A.M when the walk started to feel too exhausting, and we went back to our shared suite.

"Would you like another?" asked Bond, pointing to the bottle of bourbon at the table, just after we locked the door to the suite.

"Yes," I replied. "The last one for tonight."

I have no idea why I agreed to this, cause I've never been drinking much or mixing alcohols in the past. After Bond handed me my glass, I let my hair down and rushed to the balcony. I need to see this amazing city just one more time before I go to sleep, I thought. I observed the skyline, waiting for Bond to join me.

"To the king and queen of Monaco," said Bond and we clinked glasses, standing next to each other.

I smiled at him and drank the whole glass with my eyes closed, but I still could tell he was staring at me.

"You know, Katherine, it's been one of my favourite missions so far."

"Really?”

"Yes... It’s the simplicity of it,” he took off his dinner jacket, thrown it on the nearest chair, and then continued. “The task I'm really good at... the fairy-tale location, no rush... and the right woman. You," he said in his deep, smooth voice and put his glass on the floor.

Then he put one of his hands on the railing and turned to me, but didn’t say a word, as if he intended to find out how close to me I would allow him to move.

“It’s an honour to hear something like that from such an experienced double-0,” I said timidly, still holding the empty glass in my hands.

Bond gazed at me for a few seconds.

"It's true, I've been a double-0 for quite a while," he said and turned his head to look at the skyline of Monte Carlo, "but rarely did I feel this close with another agent. It's strange. I’ve always tried to avoid being emotionally attached to anyone. Cause of the job's nature and all that stuff."

This time it was me who stayed quiet. I just kept listening to him, realizing how much I *love* his voice and how could I listen to him talking *forever*. It occurred to me how beautiful his magnetic blue eyes were, especially in the middle of the night. One could say the same about Bond's face which now seemed to me like the face of the most handsome man on the planet. It should be illegal to be *that* handsome, I thought.

Bond turned his head to me.

"Then I've met you... and it seems I forget about all of those rules in the blink of an eye... it seems I don't control myself anymore."

I don't know how it happened, but in the next moment I found myself in Bond's arms. I felt his embrace, so tight, as if he wanted to protect me from all of the threats of this world. The glass dropped out of my hands and probably broke up, but we didn’t hear anything apart from the sound of our pumping hearts. I placed my hands on Bond’s chest, and we began to kiss, not being able to control the lust that started to fulfil our bodies. I quickly moved my hands to his neck and then the back of his head. I caressed his hair, which felt like the most pleasant material I have ever touched.

"You're the woman of my dreams," whispered Bond, when he started to kiss my neck. In response, I tilted my head back, but continued to touch his hair.

Out of the blue Bond picked me up and headed towards the bedroom. He was in a hurry, wanting to put me on his bed as soon as possible. He took off his shirt and laid down on me, holding my waist and passionately kissing my neck.

"Oh, James," I moaned, as the touch of his lips and hands started to turn me on. “Keep going... umm... And use that nice, deep voice of yours.”

“Like this?” he asked, lowering his voice and biting my ear. “Do you like it?”

“Yes...”

Oh my, I am in heaven. If he doesn't stop, I'll melt, I thought. I let Bond kiss me a few more times, but then moved to the other side of the bed to undress. Bond watched me hungrily as I took off my dress and stockings. And there I was, lying on his bed and wearing only my sexy black lingerie. I thought that he would eat me if he could.

I encouraged Bond with a sensual gesture, touching myself where I wanted to be touched the most. He couldn’t stand watching me for long, and came closer to kiss me again. He slowly moved from my belly and breasts to my neck.

“I've been waiting for this moment since the day we've met," he murmured, while kissing my collarbone.

I closed my eyes to double the thrill and make the experience more intense. My hands moved to his back and held him tighter.

"You drive me crazy," Bond whispered into my ear.

A fast thought crossed my mind. It's true what they say in the Service... nobody does it better... he's definitely a great lay... to hell with “the revenge plot”, go for it, Kath. I was just about to take off my bra, when I heard something was vibrating. I got a text. Great timing. I opened my eyes and reluctantly sat on the bed, bending down to the bedside cabinet.

"Oh, Katherine, just ignore it," said Bond who still caressed my waist with his right hand.

"Look who’s talking," I replied. "The most professional man in the Service... There’s no need to describe this to you..."

I looked at the screen and in that exact moment my adventurous mood was gone. I felt as if my heart stopped for a short while.

Hi, just wanted to let you know that I have some evidence. He's not married anymore. Love, Eve

I quickly locked the screen to prevent Bond from seeing the message, as I felt his touch on my back. He hugged me from behind, kissing my left shoulder.

"Shall we continue?" he asked in his naughty manner.

I froze in my tracks. What about M? How can I fight for him if I sleep with another man right now? I promised myself to fight for Mallory and I have to be consistent. This was fun, but... I love Mallory, right? It's high time to stop playing games... and to finally forget about Bond. Perhaps it's a good sign I got this message before we did antyhing reckless.

I stood up with my back to Bond, still holding the phone in my hands.

"I'm sorry James... but I can't do this,” I declared as seriously as I could.

"But why?" he asked calmly, but his voice was full of disappointment and sadness. "Was it something I did?"

Oh, dear James, I thought. If you only knew how perfectly you did everything...

"No," I replied and turned to him. My voice was shaking a bit. "It was... it was a wonderful night, but I've never slept with a co-worker before... and... I've just realized it would be wrong. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for this," I blurted out and felt a tear doing down my cheek.

Bond seemed not to believe me.

"You've *just* realized it? *Just* after you've got that message," he said, pointing to my phone. "I don't know what this is about, but... we've had such a great time here, why not celebrate it tonight? It doesn’t matter at all that we work together."

I turned my head in embarrassment, trying not to look at him. He stood up and came closer to me.

"I know that you like me," Bond said and placed his hands on my arms. "You can't simply deny our chemistry. You've seen what kind of magic it can cause... you don't have to ruin it."

I took his hands off me and went to the other side of the bed to grab my clothes.

"I'm really sorry, James. It's over."

"It's over before it even started... Strange, isn’t it?"

I ignored him, as I headed toward to the door leading to my part of the suite. I must have looked miserable in my sexy black lingerie, holding my evening dress, and being on the verge of a mental breakdown.

"I don't want to hurt you *again*," I said quietly with my hand on the doorknob.

Bond shook his head.

"You will hurt me if you leave,” he said calmly, but I knew he was full of anger. His eyes told me he was suspicious of everything I’ve said.

As I knew he had the very right to be suspicious, I turned my back on him, trying to get inside my part of the suite. My hands started to shake, making it impossible to quickly open the door.

“You still think about *him*, don’t you Kath...?” Bond asked in a raised voice, with his hands on his hips. “Why do you keep deceiving yourself? He’s not cut out for it! He doesn’t see you this way... and even if something happened between us he wouldn’t care!”

But I would, James. I would, I thought, going inside my part of the suite through the door. I couldn’t bear to look at those cold blue eyes again.

I went up straight to the bathroom and locked the door. I could not think of anything else than just bursting into tears.

You're so stupid, Kath. Mallory thinks you're responsible, but you're just stupid, I thought, looking at myself in the mirror. What was that for? Bond might be a womanizer, but no one deserves to be treated like that. No one. Does he use other women? He does. But it’s none of your business, Kath. You don't offer someone the pleasure and then deny it. You just don’t...

I spend a few minutes sitting on a bathroom’s floor and crying.

But looking on the bright side... at least I got my backup story. Everyone will see something’s happened between us, but no one will ask questions. And if there is a slightest chance M cares about me, he’ll get the message.

I can’t wait for this mission to be really over. By this time tomorrow I shall be in my apartment in London. Alone.

***

To be continued.

[jojounerd]

obey me sinblings as volleyball players

i saw this and ive been sitting on the idea for like a while now so might as well get my thoughts out now. check out all of @obaby-obeyme‘s comics theyre so good snsnsfks

Lucifer (S)

perma stressed in practice, not only does he have to juggle his regular work, he has to wrangle all his brothers and keep the order to make sure that it goes smoothly. without everyone goofing off.

i mean,,, coordinating the attacks is a setter’s job. and they get to touch the ball a lot. do u think lucifer would take sets from anyone else? no i think not.

also a really strong server. loud, high velocity, and a nasty spin that makes it go straight to the ground. 

ull never see this man dive after the ball hes the setter yknow so he trusts his team to bring the ball to him with a smooth pass.

ok wait maybe he might trust satan to handle attacks but not always.

there was a game where the opponents had super analyzed lucifer’s strategy and would keep shutting down his sets, while beel was doin p good he didn’t want to overexert him and he started rushing his sets

satan wasn’t having any of it and called lucifer out on it. said that they needed to switch it up.

and boy was the opponent in for a new kind of hell. when you put this boy on the offense-

he’s daring you to try and block him. but face it, you Can’t. this boy is a Monster.

Mammon (L)

uhhh was abt to put him as mb, and go on some spiel where lucifer sets to him a lot bcs mammon has the speed to keep up w his tosses

but thinking abt it more,,, having him as libero makes sense. bcs hes the shortest–*mcshot*

got the best fuggin control. those receives *chefs kiss* perfection. the arc, the parabola HGNNN.

has the speed and agility to go after really far out balls and save them with his leg/foot. has definitely jumped into the crowd/over a barrier for a receive multiple timess.

hes the guy who gets ragged on the most during practices (bcs lucifer wants perfect a-receives like wth lucifer you’ve got like 5 other receivers--) but he also hypes up everyone when team spirit’s are down during a game.

Leviathan (MB)

super analytical of his opponents, can quickly pinpoint weak spots in their defense.

doesn’t get fooled by time delay attacks or pipes.

hes more quiet and sometimes forgets to communicate when hes focusing really hard on the match.

he’s that kind of blocker who makes you feel like you can only spike a certain way in order to not get caught by the block

imagine you’re avoiding his block so you go for a cross court spike but you just spiked it right to mammon. oof.

but he does get p tilted when hes not performing at his best or when he gets tooled (his biggest pet peeve as a blocker because that’s not fair the blockers are there to stop the ball from crossing the net but no apparently you can also use the blockers as a way to score points thats plain unfair.) and can sometimes beat himself up p badly. his bros are there to snap him out of it and focus on the game.

Satan (MB)

during practice (and even during some games) he likes to experiment with different lineups and switch up player positions. as a result hes got p rounded out skills.

i mean,,, it just kinda makes sense. he seems like the kind of player who could easily deduce where the ball’s going to go. the one who times the three-man blocks.

bro he does not hold back at all when he spikes. even if he’ll be blocked. he will try to spike through. and the scary thing is,,, the more worked up he is, the harder his spikes get.

for the most part tho p solid all around, sometimes even sets (when lucifer’s in a bad spot see above) 

that cheeky mb who’d make scathing remarks to the other team if they make rudimentary mistakes. things like calling their blocks a sieve stuff like that.

if u somehow manage to piss him off during a game good luck his spikes are now 10x harder rip to your arms.

Asmodeus (WS)

during practices hes the type of player who would do a spin and a twirl right before serving the ball. does it during practices, has done it during actual matches. 

has a fanclub and they show up during practices and theyre so fuggin noisy--- but he revels in the attention

theres a certain flair and grace in his movements that you just cant help but get drawn in. but oop- dont get distracted bcs oop he was just a decoy and you just look like a fool now.

he doesn’t hit as hard when he spikes. but,,,BUT,,,he tools the blockers. he aims for the sides of their arms to get the ball sucked in or the edges of their fingers to get a wipe and it’s literally so fucking annoying ngghghrh

sometimes, when he’s doing two-man or three-man blocks, he knows he gets targeted as the shorter blocker, so he makes sure to switch with someone taller right at the last second.

also joins satan in playing mind games with the opposing blockers. he’ll act all charming and friendly at first, and then he’ll start roasting their form. but then other times he chats up the opposing players and tries to get their number. 

Beelzebub (WS)

sometimes, when they go on runs, he breaks away from the group w belphie to go stop by somewhere to eat. now lucifer makes them run in the front of the group to keep an eye on them.

strong side hitter. that’s it. he’s their ace.

no block can stop him. lucifer’s strong, but beel has raw brute force thats just a bit stronger

good luck trying to. but you’re just gonna get your arm ripped off.

also a really strong server but doesn’t have as much control as lucifer does.

even in the back, his backrow spikes are still super fucking strong good luck to the opponents.

whenever hes up to serve, he reminds everyone to watch their heads. (mammon didn’t listen and went down one time during a practice game now he makes sure to steer clear of the ball’s path when beel’s up to serve.)

Belphegor (WS)

during practice, you’re hardly ever going to get him to do more than the bare minimum. 

so you know kunimi from haikyuu? that’s exactly his playstyle.

minimal movement, no wasted energy. until the latter half of the game.

oh man, again? he’s going for a third spike a-fucking-gain?

lowkey makes you wanna drop the ball just so this dam rally ends quickly

also does a lot of cheeky dinks over blocks before slamming the ball down and catching the receiver offguard.

[meet-me-in-the-kitchen]

The Lonely Hearts Club

TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of abandonment at roadside, hostage. angst**

The one where she just doesn’t want his heart to end up in broken pieces.

She blinked back tears, although they eventually stained her cheeks anyway, getting lost in the rain which was already drizzling down the dark alleyway in the middle of the night. Although she extended an arm helplessly into the middle of the road at a moving taxi, the driver blatantly stared ahead and ignored her. Every few seconds, she looked back and forth with eyes wild and alert while tugging her short and thin dark silken dress down past her bare mid-thighs, watching for any predators.

A wet sob ripped through her tight throat as she recalled how night was supposed to have gone, and how it actually had went. How tonight was supposed to be their night.

“You never spend time with me anymore,” she had said to Harry in a teasing tone, smiling forcedly when he laughed for good measure, as well. However, what she said had truth to it. Ever since Harry had met Madeline, her best friend was all about accompanying his girlfriend to vegan restaurants and ashrams and meditating. She missed the days when they’d both sit back in front of the TV, watching a romantic comedy they had watched so many times, that they had each consecutive dialogue committed to memory, or did nothing, or talked about the universe at two in the morning. Where was her best friend?

He had disappeared somewhere unknown after that one night stand had transitioned into morning, and the girl was still there, smirking at Y/N from where she sat on the counter as Harry groaned her name and rubbed his hardened length against her thigh, rutting up against her and crying for release. She knew Y/N was watching, had taken notice of the framed pictures of her and Harry everywhere. They shared the flat, after all. This was her marking her property; making out with him and making a show of letting out nasally moans, even after Y/N had walked into the kitchen. She wondered if Madeline could sense her deep, not-very/platonic feelings for Harry.

The days that followed had been difficult. However kind she was to Madeline, Harry’s fling reciprocated triple in cruelty to her. First leaving dishes in the sink for her to clean, making a show of making out with Harry, making snide comments of how ‘interesting’ it was that Y/N was sharing living with a full grown man in a single flat. Then, it turned into making her self conscious about things she hadn’t ever even thought of being self conscious over: her weight, how the clothes she wore were slutty, and how alone she was. Contrary to Y/N’s belief in Harry’s decision making skills and rationale, Harry had never noticed how Madeline treated Y/N.

He didn’t even notice her anymore. Movie nights were traded for date nights, texts that he used to send her to reassure her not to wait up for him vanishing. He began to buy groceries for himself, cook for his girlfriend, barely acknowledge her, his best friend, she who had always believed in him. He was too busy gazing adoringly at Madeline as she seductively bent over to pick something up to notice when Y/N had pricked her finger while picking up the sharp glass Madeline had left on the floor after shattering the vase her mother had given her. As she had looked down at the thickened droplets of blood that seeped from the gash and onto the floor, her lips trembled. She wasn’t a baby, but the last time she’d gotten a paper cut, Harry had gone insane, to the point where he suggested they should go to the E.R. to check the paper hadn’t somehow infected her. However, Harry didn’t look back, green eyes focussed lustfully on a snidely smiling Madeline, so, Y/N chose to shut up instead of creating a scene, and picked up the broken glass in silence.

“Leave the flat,” Madeline had commanded one afternoon after Harry had gone to the studio. She stared down at Y/N with a glare. “He’s in a relationship. It isn’t very.. dignified for you to be staying here. He didn’t even mention you two being particularly close.”

Leave.

He was her best friend. She often felt guilty for not being happy for him, but was it so bad to think he deserved better? She’d just break his heart. If it made Harry happy, she’d take any pain in the world, but she could tell Madeline was no good for him. She eyed his watches before his eyes.

After Harry had suggested they get together for dinner and a movie, like old times, once Y/N had pointed out that they never spent time together, she’d been ecstatic. Madeline, however, had been watching from the shadows, a sneer on her thin lips, skinny arms crossing over her chest. Once Harry had proposed the idea and Y/N had enthusiastically agreed, he had grinned at Madeline and she had given him a tight smile. While they were ten minutes into dinner, Harry got a call from Madeline.

“Hey, Maddie,” he had cooed, placing his fork down. Y/N felt an all too familiar feeling in her chest, one she’d rehearsed so much. A tightening bracing herself for rejection. Her eyes fell to her plate, where she meekly moved her fork around, scraping it against the ceramic. Her appetite was gone. She knew how it was going to end.

Harry’s face had gone from relaxed to tensed. Towards the end of the phone call, he had promised Madeline: ‘I’ll be there.”

Seconds later, he’d already stood up, car keys held between his fingertips while placing a an abundance of twenty dollar bills on the table, when they hadn’t even eaten yet. She felt a sinking in her stomach.

“We have to go. She says it’s urgent.”

Without a word, she’d dropped the one night they’d gotten together in months had sat in the passenger’s seat of his Range Rover. Then, something in her had stirred. Fired her up enough to get the jumble of messy thoughts which had been collecting in her cerebral for months.

“She’s not right for you, Harry.”

She went on to explain with desperate conviction and utmost emotion how she wanted the best for him, and would never meddle in his private matters, but Madeline’s behaviour seemed toxic. She pointed out how she’d created distance between not only him and her, even as they were best friends, but his other mates and colleagues. She reminded him of his money, his inheritance and significant title. Only briefly, with the words ‘and she’s not.. very nice to me, either. I don’t trust her for myself, definitely not for you’ she had mentioned how wrongly Madeline treated her on a daily basis.

The only indication Harry was listening as he drove in cool silence was of the barest minimum when Y/N had caught his fingers flexing over the steering wheel, gripping tighter by the second, body tense and facial expression blank, eyes to the road.

“She’s just going to break your heart, and—“

She stopped talking, facial features clouded with confusion as Harry unexpectedly pulled over onto the side of the road. His eyes stared at the road, still. Fingertips unmoving from where they stilled at the steering wheel.

“Get out.”

His voice was hauntingly cold, the words that had been so icily uttered from his mouth shocking y/n to her core. Her Harry. He couldn’t be serious. Yet, he didn’t move. Didn’t laugh and crack a joke, like she expected him to.

“W-what?”

“Get out,” he repeated, voice hard as steel, it maintaining enough control to conceal whatever emotions he was hiding.

As she realized what was happening, she paled; her battered heart hammered in her chest, dejection crawling into her and trapping itself in her ribcage. Her throat closed. She couldn’t even breathe right. How could she respond to him throwing her out?

Apologies fell from her mouth in thick, broken words, bordering on hysterical as his face remained blank as hers crumpled in pain as she realized the gravity of the situation, the years together, the betrayal. The sound of her own heart breaking.

“H-Harry, p-please no,” she had sobbed in front of him, all of her walls, all of her defended crumbling down before him like the ancient Roman city of Pompeii. How many meaningless syllables had fallen from her trembling lips, how he didn’t even bother to spare her a glance as she cried, fell apart before him. And for what? For wanting to protect his golden heart before it was wounded beyond repair. Before that vile woman stepped on it with her stilettos until it was as broken as her mother’s vase, shattered beyond reparation for eternity. Never quite the same. For warning him.

“Out.”

She’d stumbled out of the vehicle, shoulders shaking, chest heaving from crying and looked at him one last time. A plea. He, however, had remained stone faced, reserving no care for the girl who had waited up for him, cared for him all this time, and asked for nothing in return. He left her on the pavement as the rain began to pour just then, the sky, the atmosphere crying with her and drenching her, leaving her still, speechless as she stared at the place where he was supposed to still be, where he was supposed to turn back and get out of that car and tell her to get back inside. Where he was supposed to give a shit about her, even if he was still cross with her. It wasn’t safe here for her here. It couldn’t be. A pathetic wail bubbled uncomfortably in her throat, a raw burning in her heart. Didn’t he at least, if not for anything else, care for her safety?

In juxtaposition to this scenario she had dreamt up in her head, all she could do was stare helpless, confused as he turned the steering wheel and drove off into the night without another word or a second, momentary glance.

It was three hour past midnight, now. She was shivering. It was raining so heavily, taxis and buses had shut down in preparation for the storm. Most stores had darkened insides, meaning they had been closed. She didn’t know where she was. Her phone had shut itself down, because of the extremely low temperature. Her lips were turning blue, swollen eyes raw and numb, for the most part. Her body was shaking, cold. There was no shelter, besides the tree she sat under, knees to her chest.

“Hey!”

Y/N stiffened at the call, but relaxed some when she realized it was the voice of a woman. She turned, shivering slightly, exhausted. An African American elderly woman stood by, at the front of a small, worn coffee shop with a chipped sign. She came with an umbrella over her stout figure. She made a ‘come hither’ motion with her fingers.

“Come inside, baby. It’s cold! You’re gonna get hypothermia.”

She slowly stood up, legs wobbling some. The lady scurried on over, helping her up and lifting the umbrella over their heads.

“Goodness gracious, you’re drenched,” the woman sighed, but as she looked at Y/N’s figure, her eyes widened a fraction before reducing to fake nonchalance. She placed an arm around her. “C’mon, sweetie. Let’s get you warm and fed. Shaking, you are.”

She stuttered a ‘thank you’ quietly, keeping her head down and letting the woman guide her into the much warmer coffee shop. There were shelves of cups and things and a concession of donuts and muffins, scratched out menu plastered at the wall.. her fingertips begin to defrost, feeling slowly returning to them in a slowly burning sort of way.

The woman set a cup of hot chocolate before her and some pastries. She flashed her a kind smile. Y/N began to let her guard down.

“What happened to you, dear?”

She shrugged, focussing on sipping the hot beverage tentatively. She didn’t feel like thinking about him right now, or what he’d done. Thank goodness, she was safe.

“That’s okay,” the woman shrugged goodnaturedly, walking to a familiar old fashioned musical device she had seen in Harry’s studio. She stuck a vinyl inside. The album Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band began to play, and her heart panther, remembering the summer when they were sixteen and Harry and Y/N had sung the lyrics of the Beatles so loud, they’d practically screamed as they drove down the highway. “Give me your phone, I’ll charge it.”

She handed over the device, continuing to feed on the crumbling apple and blueberry muffins, trying to sate her hungry stomach after Harry had put food out of the question, hours earlier.

“You don’t have you talk now, you’ll be here a while.”

She lifted her head in confusion. The woman smiled.

“You’re close with the famous singer, Harry Styles in some way, aren’t ya?” She asked, Y/N’s blood ran cold. “I’ll get him to come pick you up, after abiding certain conditions, of course.”

Before she knew it, her head was spinning until it hit the wooden cafe table, eyes blearily watching as the greedy woman sneered and began to tape her arms and legs to the chair she was in. She tried to move, but was unable to do anything, but watch.

He leaves her alone for someone else without a second thought, and her safety is compromised as a result.

OH SHIT, yn is a hostage 👀👀

MASTERLIST | Requests are open!

[ziracona]

hi can we pls have some uhhhh 🅱️uentin Smith headcanons, and some killers hcs if you want! I also lowkey hc Jake and Claudette to both be some degree of autistic, I imprint like a baby bird on my fav characters so I hc both Jake AND Quentin to be trans, and Quentin and Meg are ADHD infodump pals. Literally sitting around the cabin taking turns talking about something they love while the other is sitting there... no thoughts... head empty... they r supporting each other

Nice! And Claudette is canonically autistic according to her archives description as far as I can tell, and I’m so glad! You should check out @askthedreamwalker if you’re interested in Quentin art bc their Quentin is trans and they have really nice art! Also u right as hell about Quentin and Meg. He gets v excited and Meg and he can special-interest back and forth for hours One person is pitcher, pouring information into empty pitcher2, then the other takes a turn and pours back into first pitcher. Info dump support friends. Heaven.

And hells yeah, I love son boy! Idk if you mean ILM headcanons or general, so I’m just gonna go with gen. 

Quentin’s got a big sense of justice. Not okay with people getting away with terrible shit, which makes the realms extra unbearable (somewhere in the distance Yui and Tapp are like ‘cheers mate’). Holds people very accountable. Boy is very fair and got upstanding character. Expects people to operate with like bare minimum decency and ain’t about to let that shit go if someone wants to be a bastard. Last person ever to let a killer get a pass for going around murdering people in-realm and would hold them extremely accountable and be v willing to kill one in a fight and view them with disgust and righteous anger, but also be one of the first people willing to forgive a killer if they genuinely reformed, or got thrown to the survivor side by the Entity and actually chose to shape up and proved they meant it. He has a huge sense of justice and righteous anger, but also believes in forgiveness and second chances. (Within reason. If any of the particularly bastard killers like GF or Nightmare or Clown showed up with a completely ooc change of heart they will never have anyway, Quentin would be like “…listen. …There are some things only God can forgive…U gotta take this one to him…and away from me. Forever…”. Boy got those high-quality standards 👌

Used to be kinda high-strung, but then his life was a living hell for so long that he ran out of energy entirely and now he has no choice but to be mostly chill. If he gets a burst of energy, the old excitement power switch flips back on and he is both way more talkative and active, and happier. Unfortunately he is usually so worn out he’s about to drop.

Got a bit of a martyr complex. The fact that literally locking himself in hell with his worst nightmare worked does not help. Feels massive guilt over the fact that the Nightmare is in the realm bc of him, but is still kind of glad bc it means he’s not out there murdering his family. Hates that he feels that way because he thinks it’s kind of wrong. Views being stuck in the realm as sort of penance for having brought Krueger unintentionally. Afraid to tell other people it’s his fault because he’s scared they would never talk to him again, and the idea of losing his friends and complete isolation here is unbearable. Feels guilt over that choice, because he feels like he’s in a way lying to them, and that if they would hate him if they knew the truth, they have a right to. Boy loves his friends hard, but does not trust them to forgive him, or to trust in him, so he’s not always completely honest about not just that but anything he’s struggling with. Very sad dumbass. Suffers alone because he’s afraid to ask for help, and/or does not think he deserves it.

Really loves the other survivors and would do anything he could to protect them. Dies in the majority of his trials because he battles endlessly trying to keep the others from being the ones who die. In a way, he’s trying to make things up to them, but he would absolutely do the same just because he loves them, and did for a long time before he ever figured out Krueger and him being taken was his fault (not that I personally think that’s a fair way for the boy to view it). Optimistic externally, struggling internally. Absolutely refuses, ever, to give up, but is always right on the threshold of having a breakdown. Pushes the others to find a way to escape and tries to give them hope. Takes a lot of shit. Will not fight back much if teased just be like -__- and moves on. Doesn’t let people boss him around though, and will always do what he thinks personally is the right thing. Extremely forgiving. (Except to himself.)  Snark boy if opportunity presents itself. Can I offer you a shot of adrenaline in this trying time boy? the rest of the time.

Gives people the benefit of the doubt. Not a hoe. Would commit to a s/o very dedicatedly. Also not the kind of asshole who would cut down on time w friends when in a relationship. Boy’s love is not a zero sum game. Would die or kill for Laurie. Loves Claudette and learning botany tips from her. Thinks she is pretty and admires her kindness and skill and refusal to let the world change who she is, and wishes he was more like her. Has not told her that. Is a lot more like her in that regard than he thinks he is. Pretty damn good in a fight bc he always gets back up. Determinator. Still in love with Nancy and loyal af. Misses her a lot. Does not open up about himself as much as people think he does. Misses his dad and Nancy and his dead friends a lot, especially Jesse. Doesn’t actually talk about his problems much. Just suffers in silence because he doesn’t think he can ask for help.

Takes his faith seriously. Prays a lot, and struggles with feeling completely abandoned by God, but won’t give up on that either. Tries hard to believe he cares and things will change. Dedicated to trying to make sure that regardless of what his friends believe in, they are okay. Very sad and alone but tries to not think about that. Tries to help friends stay hopeful. Is both baby and badass sass boy in one package. Fight hard, love hard, someday will get to sleep for a whole year. 

If you are nice to him once, will assume that means you are friends now. Genuinely cares deeply for every single survivor at the campfire. Wants to protect people. Constantly suffering bc that’s impossible here. Really just wants everyone to be okay someday, including himself, and simultaneously kind of feels like he no longer deserves to be okay in the end at all. Tries not to think about that. Massive guilt issues. Bottles it up. Loyal as hell. Would die for his friends so much it actively worries them and they’re like “Quentin…please. Quentin-stop—stop. You’ll die again. I swear to god Quentin! I can die this time! Quentin!!! Come back here right now!” But he never comes back. Big sibling energy. Regularly people be like “Damn u could make a pretty fine lil brother out of this” and then they do. He loves so hard. Please be nice to him. He’s always trying so hard and never thinks it’s enough. He works so hard.

Triggers include being grabbed by his hair and jerked around, losing his necklace, the cave, and the Nightmare within 15 feet of someone he loves, so homeboy has just, a lot of bad days. Is playing a fun game called ‘I will absorb trauma forever and not get help for it and then one day it will kill me’. Needs to learn to depend on his friends.

Good sense of humor, enjoys reading and music. Will talk way too much about things he likes and not notice he’s done it and then feel bad. Dumbass sweetheart, will think he’s doing a great job flirting and be proud of himself when he did not, in fact, do a suave job, but it’s cute. Tries hard. All the time. At everything. God he tries.

I would do killer hcs too but this already so long and I cut like half of what I initially wrote rip. I have too many thoughts. Head full. : ( Here’s just a few little ones:

Myers does not like working for the Entity. It tried to pull a fast one and be like, “Yes tis I, another voice in your head,” and Michael was like “Bitch it’s my head. I don’t know you!” and that did not work. While Michael very much would love to kill Laurie and get inner peace, working for the entity provides 0% daily Michael needs, and he hates it. Sometimes he just does what the fuck he wants and gets in trouble (homeslice is the only killer who can kill survivors with no mori and no perk for it. Michael cannot be controlled). Does not like being here at all. He doesn’t cause the Entity a lot of trouble like Krueger does, so it doesn’t consider him a problem killer, but they do not have a ‘Ah yes my favorite killer’ kind of thing going. Michael hates the spider-monster. He is so tired of everything at this point. Boy is suffering. Would fight the Entity if he knew how. Has been hurt by it before, and does not like that, because it takes longer to heal than he is used to.

Myers has a few times had his home area be close enough to the campfire that he could see it in the distance, and he watches them when that happens. For hours. He is lonely, but does not realize that, and probably never will. He does stand there and watch them, being sad and not realizing he’s sad at all. It’s the closest he ever gets to human interaction aside from killing people in trials.

The Entity hurts Max sometimes, not because he has done anything wrong, but because injuring him without providing even a way to prevent it keeps him peak feral and afraid, just like it wants. No time to recover or learn or grow. Just anger and pain and fear.

The Entity promises Rin a lot of things. Not because it has to, but because it enjoys the taste of her suffering. One of her addons is paper cranes, one of 1000 to make a wish, as the description says. I’ve always interpreted that to mean it likes to screw with her and offer her things like that she can do between trials, in the moments of lucidity she occasionally has when completely alone. ‘Make 1000, get your wish,’ but every time she hits 999, it blows the ones she’s made away, and she has to start over. Unclimbable hill. Just to watch her struggle. That kind of thing. Intentionally tends to send survivors her way it knows she would dislike killing the most, just to watch her have to do it against her will and bask in the horror of what she cannot make herself not do.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #273

ew, wtf is this new /tagged formatting???? ugh.

What is something you dislike about the dating world? I haven't dated around enough to have first-hand experience, really. But from an outside view, people don't seem all that interested in serious commitment. Don't fwm if you aren't into the idea of working towards a whole lifetime together. What gives you confidence? Bitch nothing lmao. Have you ever dated someone with very different sexual tastes than you? No. What is the most meaningful gift you’ve ever given? Both Jason and Sara got a huge list of reasons I love them for certain relationship "milestones," both which really did take a long time because there were loads. I did it with each because I really did feel like it was a very personal, uplifting, and full-of-adoration gift, not just for the sake of recycling an idea because I had no others. I have a shitload of romantic ideas, ngl man. Do you feel as though someone ‘won’ in your last break up? Neither of us "won" or "lost," really. It was a mutual agreement that now just isn't the time for a relationship between us. Whatever happened to the first person you ever loved? Sometimes I'm scared to know. Do you still shop at the same stores you liked when you were a teenager? Yeah. Thankfully Hot Topic became more accessible to plus-size people. Is there anyone significantly older than you that you would date? No. I won't go over like... nine years. Even eight it pushing it. Please share your embarrassing and weird celeb crushes. Post pictures. What do you like about them? I don't have any "embarrassing" or "weird" ones. What is something your partner does that is unattractive to you? N/A What is something that would have made the show better/you would have liked to see happen on one of your favorite series? I honestly wish Weed in Ginga Densetsu Weed was more realistic and realized Hougen was worth killing himself. The lightning seemed cheap and anti-climactic. He had EVERY reason to kill him, and it sounds weird to consider killing as a form of growth, but I feel like it would've been. Maybe that's just a personal thing, believing killing is sometimes justified, but it actually annoyed me. Nevertheless, fucking fantastic show. How do you feel about celebrities that are silent about political or human rights issues? Do you think celebrities should use their platform to speak out? I have... mixed feelings. I think most of me says to use their prominence for good, to be a loud voice to look up to and bring greater attention to issues, but at the same time, some people just like/feel safer being non-political. When you were a kid, what child characters did you admire or relate to most? BINDI IRWIN!!!!!!!!!! I still follow and fucking adore her. Y'all she recently got married and she is just so beautiful and so happy and the Irwins are just genuinely angels on this earth. Tell me about a time that you were bored in a relationship (can be romantic or friendship). What was it about them/the situation that bored you? I've never been romantically bored, and not really with a friendship, either. Sure, I've been bored in another's presence, but it was never a consistent issue. Who’s your favorite Tiktoker? I have never even touched it. How high or low is the barrier to entry in your field or desired field? It's tough, but not that high. More than anything, photography depends on who you know to help get you out there, sadly. It's luck, too. There is most certainly skill involved, but yeah... building your brand up to stand out with only your own hands is ridiculously hard. But that's really any small business/self-employed position. Where would you look if you were looking for a job (e.g., indeed.com, company websites, asking a friend…)? I've pretty much always used Indeed, or I hear from family/friends. How much lower than your ideal salary would you take? What would the job have to entail for you to take a less than ideal wage? Hi, I live in America, where the government doesn't give a fuck if you can support yourself on minimum wage or not. :^) But anyway, this is a difficult question to answer with how little experience I have. I can say, however, that I will fucking not work to just barely scrape by with minimum wage. If I'm going to bust my ass, it's gonna be fucking worth it. Even if you were able to support yourself/your own family, would there ever be a situation in which you would choose to live in a shared house with another family or individual, be it your parents or a sibling’s family, or some other housemate? Sure, I wouldn't mind. Especially family. Do bridges make you nervous? To a degree. Are there any movies that you find so dumb, you find funny? Napoleon Dynamite, of course. How often do you vacation? Pretty much never ever. Do you think it’s cruel to leave a live fish to die in an ice box? I am genuinely concerned for you if you say no to this. Have you ever done anything sexual with someone of the same sex? Yes. Have you ever pawned anything off at a pawn shop? No. Do you have stomach abs? OH, HUNNY- Do you know anyone who is trying to physically impersonate a celebrity? No. Have you ever seen a shuttle launch? I mean, on TV, but even then I didn't seriously watch it. Are we having signs of the apocalypse? I don't believe in the "apocalypse." We're going to fall through natural methods. We're definitely heading deeper into destruction in some ways, though, by our own hands. I'm quite sure humans themselves will be the end of humanity. Would you rather see The Blue Man Group or Fear Factor live? BLUE MAN GROUP!!! They're dooooope. Do you have any exciting plans for this upcoming weekend? No. I'm staying in the goddamn house like we're fucking supposed to. What color of colored contacts would you like to have? To wear regularly? Sapphire blue. Ohhh, maybe one that, and the other icy blue. What’s on your bedside table? It's more a shelf than a table, so I have quite a bit. My medicine basket, fan, a drink, books, sketchbook, some other miscellaneous things. What’s on your bed? A bedsheet, comforter, two pillows, and me, ha ha. Your floor besides furniture? Nothing. Your dresser? All my meerkat stuffed animals, plus some others. The top shelf in your closet? Ha, good question. Are there any dead stuffed animals in your house? No. What’s the best prize you’ve won on an amusement park/carnival game? *shrug* Have you ever done anything sexual in a school? No, I was a good noodle. Have you ever been indoor skydiving? No. Would you have any interest in going on a cruise? Not really. What did you have for dinner last night? I made some hot wings. What's your ideal indoor temperature? High 60s, ig. It’s hard to really tell because my room is always the hottest in the house and I have a fan on me, so I don’t really feel the “normal” temperature most of the time. Does your kitchen have a theme? No. What's the grossest thing u have found in your food? Probably nothing worse than a hair or something, idk. Are you a flip flop lover? I am NOTORIOUS for wearing flipflops absolutely year-round. A little bit of snow on the ground? I’m wearing my gd flipflops because they’re just easy to slide on and I care about convenience probably too much lmao. What namebrand dishwashing liquid do u use? … Dawn, I think? I don’t really pay attention. Do you like ice cream sandwiches? UGH yesssssssssss hunty. Do you prefer hard or soft shell tacos? I hate tacos, but I’d definitely rather have a soft shell than hard. Ever worn a flower in your hair? Maybe as a kid? Name five random things in your kitchen? Nothing abnormal, really… no, wait. You know those sticky cylinder things that flies are attracted to and die a slow death for their brazen intrusion upon your property? We have one of those hanging up in there. Magnets and pictures on the fridge is considered pretty normal, right? Name four things in your fridge? Milk, apples, a bigass bag of pepperoni, and some cold water bottles because I strongly prefer cold water. Name two things in your meds cabinet? We’ve got a load… Different kinds of pain pills, things like Pepto, etc. Name six things in your family room? A couch, a reclining chair, the TV, Mom’s bed, loads of pictures on the walls, and uh… sidetables? Name three things in your bedroom? My snake, my bed, and my dresser. Name three things in your yard? A bird feeder that squirrels like to steal from, a random fucking dolphin statue thingy that deadass looks like a distorted dick (it’s been here since we got here, idfk), and two sheds. Name two things in your bathroom? Our bathroom is tiiiny, so very normal stuff. Y’know, a toilet and sink. What health problems do you have? A lot that I don’t feel like thinking through. Fave name brand of water? Essentia. Do you have a trampoline? Not since I was a teenager. The last time you were in the fridge, what were you looking for? Jam to make a pb&j. Do you like clowns? No opinion. Are you listening to anything at the moment? Surprisingly nothing, but Halocene’s cover of “My Immortal” is seeeeeriously jammed in my head. Do you twitch when your falling asleep? YES. They’re more like muscle spasms. Are your dishes in the dishwasher clean or dirty? We don’t have one; we have to wash by hand. Buuut that house we’re moving into has one! :’) When is the last time you were on a bicycle? Not since I was a teenager. I used to love love loooove to ride my bike after school. What have you eaten today? Special K cereal and aforementioned sandwich. Do you own a strapless bra? Fuckin Y I K E S that would not work w/ my size lmfao. Does the person you like know it? Ye. Did anything brighten up your day today? Our lawn FINALLY got mowed and the bushes trimmed. We had to tidy it up before we can move. It looked like a jungle, deadass serious. Do you ever wonder how other people see you? Only all the time. What is one good thing you're known for? I write well. How about one bad thing? I’m very dependent. When was the last time you sang an ENTIRE song? Wow, no clue. I rarely sing, never mind an entire song. What is one thing that is currently bothering you? Actually my stomach kinda hurts. What did you do today? Wander around the Internet looking for something to even mildly entertain me, play World of Warcraft for a very brief period since I’m going through a bored phase of it, read for a bit, showered… not a lot, but later today we’re celebrating my mom’s birthday early, actually. Do you consider yourself to be attractive? No. I think my dimples are kinda cute, but that’s it. Do you regret going out with the last person you did? Not at all. Do you realize it when you curse? It’s so normal in my vocabulary that generally, no. I’m very mindful around kids, though. I still remember the first time I said “fuck” in my mom’s presence without realizing it and she just like f r o z e. Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep? Yeah, for various reasons. That is veeeeery rare nowadays, though, partially because I’m so fucking bored that I’m just happy to close the day. What's the longest amount of time you've been stuck in traffic? An hour or so is my guess while traveling. I don’t recall any specific instances. Best field trip experience? We went to the zoo!!!! It was the one and only time thus far that I’ve seen meerkats irl. What is the most amount of money you've spent on a meal before? I’ve never really been able to buy my own meal, never mind something expensive. What museums have you visited, if any? Just local ones centered around art or science, generally. What's your worst traveling experience? Idk. Sims 1, 2, or 3? Why? Never played. Not my kinda game. What area of math are you best at? Worst? lol I suck at them all. How do you feel when you meet someone with the same music taste as you? It’s exciting! Do you believe in luck? Why or why not? No, because I don’t believe in any “magical” influence over events that occur. Shit just happens, sometimes to good people, sometimes to bad people, and everything in-between. How often do you "half-ass" things (put little effort in)? IIII tend to do that a lot.. Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? Not really. Have you ever missed a meeting/event that was required/necessary? You could say so, but it turned out fine that I missed it anyway. What's something that makes you incredibly nervous? Talking to people I don’t know or being alone with a man. If you don't have glasses, how would you feel if you had to get them? N/A If you do have glasses, how would you feel if you didn't need them anymore? I’d be fuckin’ stoked, I could get my undereye dermal without it looking stupid. How many vegetarians do you know? I’m not sure. Have you ever considered going to art school? Does Photography count? I majored in that. Otherwise, no. Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class? No, I was always very attentive in class. Are your parents supportive of you? Very.

[the-ghost-and-the-writer]

NSFW Alphabet-Alex Trager

The first NSFW alphabet! I only hope I did it well, it is a new concept for me.

18+ (evidently)

A=Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Before you were serious, the most you’d get was an offer of a drink or a cigarette, an offer to use the bathroom or take a shower, and a half-hearted hug as you slept

When you became exclusive, he’d become more clingy. He’d nuzzle into your neck as he came down from his orgasm, ask you if you needed anything, and would give you anything you wanted as long as you’d stay cuddling with him

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

It’s a bad idea to ask Tig which part of you he loved most because he’ll automatically say your tits or your pussy. He could spend hours between your legs if you let him, and his eyes are always guaranteed to be drawn to your tits in public the same way his hands are in private.

He’ll say to anyone who asks (or doesn’t ask) that his favourite part of himself is his cock. After all, it’s never disappointed before and everyone leaves satisfied. It’s his best feature.

His actual favourite part of you is your nose. He loves pressing kisses to the tip of your nose and watching you smile and scrunch your face up, it’s so delicate and intimate in a way he thought he couldn’t have again

On him, though it isn’t technically a body part, he likes his hair because of how good it feels when you play with it. He’ll rest his head on your chest or your stomach (though mostly your chest) just so you can play with his hair in bed.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Tig loves how you look when painted in his cum, so if mess is no issue then he’ll pull out at the last second and jerk stripes across your stomach and pussy. It takes some convincing for him to pry his eyes away from the mess and let you clean up

Sometimes, when particularly blissed out, he’ll clean you up with his tongue. He’ll never outright admit to liking how he tastes but he’ll never deny it when you tease him

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

This is Tig fucking Trager. He has no dirty secrets

His dream threesome has you and Venus doing whatever you want to him while he’s tied up

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

There is no position, kink, location, he hasn’t tried before. Everyone said he was probably halfway through all the legal-age cunny in Charming before he met you

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Any one where you’re above him, controlling almost everything about the situation. He’ll say it’s out of laziness or wanting to fuck you but being too tired to put effort in, but he loves that you can take such eager control over his and your pleasure

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

There are moments where he says something strange that throws you and you start laughing, which he always joins in on, and he’s prone to tickling you when he feels that it’s getting Too Much. Sex is not so serious with Tig, now that you’re his Old Lady.

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Unless you really insist on it, he does the bare minimum in terms of downstairs grooming. He’s a biker, he doesn’t have the time or the motivation to do it. The carpet very much matches the drapes

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 

At first, he had no idea what intimacy was more than not busting over your face and saying “I love you” a couple of times, so you had to pretty much teach him the intricacies of it. The first time he took the time to be slow and to feel you more than just sexually, he was so overwhelmed that he hid his face against your neck and cried

He’s still figuring out the romance part of your relationship, outside of the bedroom, but he manages the surprise dinners, alone in the clubhouse with a decent bottle of wine, whenever he knows you need it

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Whenever he’s horny and has the time to do it and you’re not around to take care of it for him, he is more than willing to jerk off. He’ll go slow as he thinks about you and how you’d touch him, until he gets closer and then his hand is just a blur

Sometimes he’ll call you up just to hear your voice to help him along. Sometimes he’ll even manage to hide what he’s doing when he knows you’re in public

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

He is the definition of Kink, he’ll enjoy anything as long as you’re down for it. His top three are probably praise, you in leather, and light bondage.

Praise; Both to and from you. He loves telling you how much pleasure you give him, since it usually makes you more enthusiastic to keep it up, and nothing gets to him more than knowing how good he’s making you feel. Even out of the bedroom, any hint of praise from you gets him hard in seconds

Leather; The first time you put on his kutte, just to cover yourself up after sex as you went to get food, he was so unbelievably turned on that he pulled you into his lap the second you came back and you had another round right there. He thinks you look so hot in his kutte, so unashamedly his, that when you decide to wear it he can never resist for too long the urge to bend you over and take you

Light bondage; Pinning each other to the bed or to walls, tying each other up with scarves or belts, anything that’s easy access and simple to get out of, he adores. It adds a playfulness and nonchalance to the power play that he loves anyway

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

He loves it anywhere and everywhere, regardless of if you could get caught. You’ve done it over the bar, in the garage office, in alleyways on your way home, hallways when he’s ‘pretty sure’ no one will stumble upon you. By now, everyone’s used to it so hardly ever react above a sigh or sarcastic comment when the two of you are done

His favourite place is anywhere in your shared home. He made sure that you blessed every single possible spot multiple times in the first week.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Anything about you can turn him on. Doesn’t matter what you’re wearing or doing, having you around makes him so hard anyway and he will gladly tell you.

Especially when you’re wearing his jacket, or you flirt back to him, or play along with his dirty jokes. It reminds him that you’re his and you love him, and that is the hottest fucking thing in his mind

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He’s not down for anything involving other bodily fluids, or hurting you too much, drawing any blood from you.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He prefers receiving over giving, just because he loves to sit back and have you take control of his pleasure

He is still an eager giver when he’s in the mood for it. He’ll surprise you sometimes by leading you to your bed or the closest chair and going down on you without another word just because he’s in the mood to taste you

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

After coming back from a job, he is usually so desperate to have you that he doesn’t even bother undressing totally before he takes you to the nearest private place and fucks you fast and hard, almost too much to handle and definitely too much to be able to hold back any noises

Typically he prefers to make it last with you, on normal days, so he goes slow but fucks into you deeply to make you whine and make you grip onto his hair or scrape your nails across his skin

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Quickies are how he gets through the day when you’re around. You turn him on so much without meaning to (mostly) that he can’t keep his focus and control for too long

You’ve long since gotten used to him grabbing your wrist and tugging you into a private place so he can have you, fucking you so fast and hard that you’ve needed a minute far too many times to walk properly

He doesn’t prefer them to actually devoting time to do it properly, but it’s a damn good lead up to the main event.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Alex is the king of taking risks, he’s guided you (never forced you) to take more risks than you ever expected someone of his age to be interested in

If you want to test something out, he’s probably already tried it before so he will gladly give you that experience.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

For his age, he has quite the stamina. Usually he can go for two rounds, more if it’s been a few weeks or you’ve teased him enough that day without any quickies, and he lasts long enough to leave you both very satisfied

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He didn’t personally own any toys when you first got with him, other than a set of cuffs that he shamelessly kept on display on his bedpost, but he managed to get a little collection together that you occasionally use.

With how he is, he is very open to using them himself or having you use them on him. When it comes to using them yourself, he adores watching you and he’ll usually take over for you when it gets too much

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He doesn’t often have the patience when you get down to it to tease or deny you for too long before he gives in but he has his days, particularly when he’s jealous, where he can edge you and deny you until you’re whimpering and can hardly speak anything but his name

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

When he’s drunk or totally surrendering to you, he can’t hold anything back. Anyone who comes anywhere near the room in the clubhouse or goes to your house at these times will only hear Tig moaning like a bitch in heat

He typically keeps his voice low, talking dirty to you, growling more than he moans, and keeping all his noises released into your skin

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

When you get particularly assertive, either towards someone criticising your relationship or someone getting a bit too cosy with either of you, he has no other option but to drag you away and fuck you. Something about seeing his Old Lady being so cold to someone gets him going so quickly

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

 He has a good reason to brag so much. He doesn’t have the biggest dick of the Sons *cough* Happy *cough*, but he is definitely thicker than average.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He is hornier than a teenager. Anything can and will make him pop a boner.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He’ll be out before you, no doubt. He’ll make sure you’re okay, that you’re not aching or hungry or thirsty, and he will be asleep the next second. Usually with his head on your chest or stomach.

Requests for these are open, pretty much forever. I’ll write almost any character, if they’re on my character list or not. Also, if you want to be tagged in anything then just tell me and I will start a tag list. I like lists

[fmddevin]

woosh !! so i was trying to keep my ooc identity a surprise until now, but apparently i was stupid and y’all found out before i could get this up so...yay!! anyways, i’ll try to keep this short and simple! i’m jada, and this is my second baby, and the last for a while - mr. daein “devin” kim! he’s 23, the lead vocal & lead dancer of impulse, and an overall mess. he’s got a lot to work out, but i’m excited to see what i can do with him and how he grows & develop! he’s a little more on the chaotic side than micha is, but don’t let it scare you off! i swear i’ve got a plot page coming really soon, like tomorrow, but in the meantime - here’s his profile & bio! i’m more than happy to plot with you, though, so like this for me to hop in your ims!! trivia & some hawaii event ideas / general plot ideas under the cut.~

ok let’s get this started!! i promise to try to make this short & sweet as possible (but you know i’m jada so-). but before i wrote daein’s profile i made like a....3 page bullet summary of what i wanted him to be, so i’m going to be inputting some of those here!! so if it sounds a bit rambly...you know why!

if you’re just here for the event thread ideas, scroll down towards the end, where hawaii event ideas is in bold! <3

born on march 24th, 1996!

parents koreans from seoul, korea. met through a study abroad program @ their college, fell in love with each other and the us! had baby daein, who got plopped in the middle of tampa, florida!

his whooooole childhood felt like he was living in isolation. being one f the only asian-american kids on the block, he definitely felt like an outsider. when he’d bring kimbap, kimchi, or tteokbokki for lunch, they’d always look at him all confused like?? what is that

it made him sad bc he always had felt like his different was a good thing, and he’d been raised to be proud of his culture, but apparently not??

as a sidenote kid misheard his name in middle school and was like “devin?” and he was like “sure that’s it” and started going by that outside of home ever since bc it made him feel more american 

just throughout his whole childhood he was ridiculed for being different, which was really the start of his obsession with other’s satisfaction and being like everyone else!

so he took matters into his own hands, but in the worst way possible. during this time, he went against everything his parents had taught him and essentially rejected his korean culture. he stopped bothering to learn the tidbits of korean they were trying to teach him, never brought up his culture, and kind of distanced himself from his parents. he always was trying to bring up some excuse for why they couldn’t come to events because he was always embarrassed about their english and how different they all looked compared to everybody else. just...not a good time and his parents were very upset w/him

anyways onto happy times!! middle school was when he discovered his passion for dance, hip hop in particular. he would always be so amazed by the dancers at the boardwalk performing and decided that’s what he wanted to do!!

sOooOo he originally started off as being self-taught through videos on youtube, but eventually his parents agreed to let him dance if he a.) promised it wouldn’t mess up his grades and b.) he paid for them his own

and he did!! it was Hard but he made sure his grades were in check & picked up a part-time job at the ice cream parlor near his house to get money. it was minimum wage and he had to wear a cheesy apron with this ice cream cone hat but anyways

he could only afford one lesson a week at the community dance center, but it taught him a lot!!! where he discovered his true passion for dance, and tbh spent more time there than anywhere else

eventually!! he joined a florida dance crew and that’s when his skills really blossomed and people started taking him seriously, basically was there until the beginning of high school

tw: drug and alcohol addiction!

and then high school is when it...all came crashing down. being such a people pleaser, he fell victim to peer pressure. he was scared of being looked down again, because by now he’d formed a name for himself and was pretty popular. so, to continue blending in, started getting heavily into drinking and drugs and just...not good, because he grew really dependent on it and started losing his enthusiasm for everything else. it’s something he continues to struggle with a lot, although it’s mostly drinking nowadays and the only drug he’s involved with on a regular basis is weed?? but he has relapsed and that’s a major reason he needs people around him to keep him stable!!

also the dance team wouldn’t let him back in bc he failed the drug test and his drug spiral just got worse because he had nothing else to focus his energy on.

it was the only thing that really made him feel something other than dance, and now that he was spending all of his money on it he couldn’t even do that.

tw: drug and alcohol addiction - end!

he partially discovered his love for singing after the months he had to go w/o dancing. he really started to enjoy it but only in private because he was Embarrased of what others would think so

his parents were tired of his bs because he was a junior now and they were basically like we’re tired of the people we hang around and you need to be around family, so for spring break they sent him to seoul!!

boy was hEated alr. like i said, wasn’t a fan of his culture, he had to leave his friends who were all going on fun trips, & he knew NOTHING - not the language, the people, anything.

but when he got there??? kind of actually enjoyed it. he got to meet family he’d never met before, picked up a little of the language, all of that. but hongdae??? - that’s what made him really excited.

he never thought of korea to be a very exciting place, until he went there. there were so many other talented dancers and he felt so at home, but unlike in florida, they looked like him!

so this is where it gets a little funny lmao. his family refused to fund his habits but he wanted to go to a club while he was there to have fun and impress girl??? so basically, he went to hongdae, and tried  busking for some extra cash. and he LOVED IT!! for a reference he freestyled to turn up the music by chris brown lol

and it was real fun!! he genuinely had a really good time - but right before he left some random ass man left him a little slip, and he was like ??? and then he asked him his name, and daein barely understood what he said and in english was like “hey i’m devin??” and when the man realized he was like yes!! and daein was like no??? but took the slip anyways and turns out it was an invitation to a gold star audition!!

the second daein read it said kpop he essentially was like “lmao no” and just threw it in his bag. so he went home, and kind of forgot about it all, until a few months after he got home. things weren’t really looking up for him and he really wanted to continue his dance career, he just didn’t know how. he didn’t get accepted to the college he wanted to because of that time his grades had plummeted, and it was hard to land a stable dance job. & his parents were like look if you don’t make this dance thing happen we’re going to throw you into a business job with a suit and tie u need money

and daein!! hates!! corporate!! so he was like hell no and decided to give this idol thing one last chance

so - he submitted a video audition to gold star, and low and behold!! he made it!!

even though this was his saving grace, he really didn’t know what to do about it. because i mean he loved tampa, and he didn’t want to leave?? but when his parents heard the opportunity they were ELATED because they knew dance was the only thing that really put his focus on good things & they wanted him to be in korea with his family and all that. so!! they were like DO IT. and he really had no other choice so he was like uhhhh i guess

flash forward to the end of may!! right after the end of his junior year of school in tampa, he moved to korea to start training. since he had a pretty good experience during spring break of the year before, he expected his life to be better than he’d expected!! but...it was really hard. since he had to live there, and he was only 16, he felt really lost w/o his parents, and his only real family there were his grandparents and cousins he barely every said hi to so that sucked

tw: depression and light substance abuse!

around this time was when he developed signs of depression, just as he started training. because it was when he really discovered that he couldn’t please everybody, something that he’d strived to do his whole life. 

he lacked a support system & didn’t have anyone really close to him to make the transition better, since his parents were back in florida and he could barely hold a conversation with his family in korea. this is a big reason he remained dependent on drinking especially, because it got him out of his funk and to temporarily forget about all that was going on.

because of it, daein started getting less sleep, eating less, and all that. gold star noticed it really soon and got him in touch with a psychiatrist, which, eventually diagnosed him with depression. but it’s not something he goes around telling everyone, he has some evident signs but he probably wouldn’t openly tell more than a couple really close & trusted friends. but gold star has been monitoring his mental health to make sure he’s okay mentally. he takes medication but?? it doesn’t do him much good but they’re always hounding him about it so 

like i said though, he’s a very independent person so he doesn’t like to feel like he’s a burden, which is why he doesn’t want others to know because he feels like they’re gonna pity him!!

tw: depression and light substance abuse! - end

bc of his more tan skin (back in the day from florida, not really anymore) and broken korean, he felt like a foreigner, but also people would mistake him for having korean nationality whenever they would talk to him. so he felt like he couldn’t really fit either mold, because he was out of place in korea and florida. but!! i digress

he felt like he was kind of thrust into who’s next: origin story because by the time it started he had only been a trainee for...4 months?? like it’s crazy & he clearly wasn’t ready, a major reason for him being on the losing end, but he had the loveable foreigner thing going on so he did get a good fanbase!! even though he was criticized for his short training period

i doubt he was a favorite among the trainees because he’s REEEEEALLY introverted,,, especially in social situations where he’s not the most comfortable with people in so i don’t think he was super talkative.

 a big reason he has trouble on variety shows now!! it’s not that he doesn’t like but they’ve kind of turned it into a “mysterious” thing, which is fine to him if it mean he doesn’t have to talk as much

also he hated it because he constantly had to dodge staff & other trainees whenever he wanted to drink or smoke so he was probably always trying to find a way to sneak out when they had any kind of free time

he got a lotlotlot better at singing during training though, though they’re kind of forcing an unnatural tone for his voice which is making him strain and can’t be good for him in the long run but marketing!! so. anyways he loves singing a lot more than he did before, he’d always expected to be just a dancer but they unleashed his potential so!! that’s one thing he really enjoyed about training

basically he’s been marketed as the “sexy foreigner” and he kinda hates it ngl. because while he never was attached to his korean identity, the more he’s been here the more he’s just wanted to be the same as everybody else?? so that’s not helping with anything. he’s always kind of laughed at for being clueless when a joke flies over his head, made to say things in english ALL THE TIME, just all that. it really gets on his nerves bc nowadays he just wants to blend in and they’re not making it any better!!!

it may sound confusing but basically: as a teen he rejected his korean identity to blend in with everyone in florida, now he’s in korea and wants to be known as less of an american to blend it. it all comes down to him wanting to be like everyone else is nearly every aspect!! 

since he feels like he cheated & got to debut way too easy than some others, he’s been trying to develop his creative and performance skills so he can get more credit and make a name for himself due to his actual abilities rather than just,, him being american lmao!! also trying super super hard to get as good as he can at korean

tw: drug and alcohol addiction!

he still has some trouble getting around & he still feels lost, but he’s trying his best. struggling through his alcohol addiction, which bc is mildly aware about but really trying to keep quiet and he’s been on the verge of leaving more than a few times. but as quiet as he is about it, he really relies on his members a lot to keep himself afloat!! so he appreciates them putting through his shit a lot of the time more than he'll admit.

 tw: drug and alcohol addiction! - end

but rn he’s getting better, slightly, focusing more of his energy into music than anything. he really wants to get into the songwriting industry to get a name for himself on his own instead of just being known for impulse!!

just  as a fyi since it’s a bit confusing his birth name is daein, he went by devin when he lived in america, but he goes by daein again now that he’s in korea, but his stage name is still devin and that’s what his friends from america call him. he prefers to be called daein nowadays, though, so that’s probably the safest best!

also this has not been short at all but anyways

hawaii plots!

he likes to drink & get high way too much and what better place than to do that then on vacation?? he’s been trying to stop, but look, it’s vacation and he’s unwinding and if your muse is down they can both have fun!!

such. an. introvert. even more than micha, because 80% of his interactions by choice come from his group?? but i would love to get him some new friends (especially since he literally has none right now lol)

he’s a bit of a hoe ngl so!! hookups are accepted, that’s the one time he’s not afraid of striking up conversation!!

he’s in the red team so like micha, if you’re members in the red team he could use some buddies to be with!!

someone to explore the island with during the night!

general plots!

he lives in an apartment my himself atm, but a roommate would be lovely!! he needs someone to put him out of his funk, anyways. 

drinking buddies ofc

trainee friends? someone who wasn’t put off by him being super quiet and befriended it and he’s super grateful nowadays? 

give me all the angst & romance because he’s a handful, seriously, phew

besties!! someone that makes him soft and happy bc there are few people who make him super happy & excited, so someone fill in the gap!

[odeuteros-blog]

                --------------------- deutero- ;

                                                               second; secondary: //; (  deu·ter·ag·o·nist :  the person second in importance to the protagonist in a drama. )

           hey what up i’ve got stats homework im neglecting !!

    * slaps the roof of this post * this bad boy can fit so much useless fucking info in it ( including my ooc intro but like , ) 

     ----- alrighty lets rock & roll buckaroos i’m linx, i’ve been on this earth two decades too long,,, and i’m in the est. canada baby. i’m super excited to write w/ y’all and i haven’t written an oc in ten years so bear w/ me & my word vomit yea?

mattias eriksson was born and raised ( for the most part)  in an itty bitty tiny fishing village in iceland. by itty bitty we’re talking a population of about 300 ( pretty much based off suðureyri ). he was the middle child in a family that was ( now looking back ) at most times insufferable.

there’s tragedy somewhere in there. before he was capable of remembering anything. his parents sung praises when it came to his older brother but time reveals all truths. or at least articles and news clippings do.  he’s four ( give or take ) when his brother is ‘ murdered ‘ by a super-human. he’s about fifteen when he puts the pieces together ( his brother wasn’t savagely murdered - on the contrary - he antagonized and harassed the ability harnessing girl until it boiled over & blew up in his face. all too literally. ) finally, he’s nineteen when he gets the FUCK out of there. 

plenty happens in the in-between. he’s raised in an intolerant household. anyone who wasn’t STRICTLY human was an abomination, a curse, a plague upon this earth. his parents constantly spitting venom when it came to the loss of their firstborn son // while matti, conflicted, found it hard to mourn for a man he hardly knew. his focus much more so on his younger sister - who was, well, alive. there. real. 

from a young age, he thrived on challenge. puzzles. anything to exercise the brain. there was always a better way to do something. he was often scolded for sticking his nose where it didn’t need to be - in adult business. eventually having enough of being chased off - he branched out. made some friends. two, in particular, stood out. a brother and sister ;  patrek and magnea. in time the trio was inseperable. 

eventually, a strain showed itself. patrek didn’t fit the strict /human/ criteria that mattias’ had grown up on - but time healed wounds, and his had barely been there. he couldn’t carry his parent’s grief. couldn’t pin that on his friend. but patrek’s secret wasn’t his to keep and it came out - with it came an unspoken ultimatum ; cut his ties with his friends or suffer the consequences with his family. the choice was fairly clear, though no less painful.

knowing there was nothing there for him in his hometown, except a life of fishing, it was time to take leave. the siblings aspired for more just as he did & so the three parted with their respective homes. no goodbyes. no notes. mattias leaves while his parents are at work - his biggest regret to this day is never saying goodbye to his sister. if they knew, he’d never have been able to leave. he needed the headstart. 

like something out of a film, patrek aspired to do more with his abilities and so begun mattias’ life as the man behind the scenes. finally able to stick his nose in ‘ adult business ‘. it was a bit campy - but it was exciting. they lived a life on the road, constantly moving. helping where they could. mattias learned his way around technology, being hands on where he could. however, he never wished for the limelight. did not want to be on the spread of a newspaper. he just wanted to help his friends. there was some petty theft on their part ( you had to eat and sometimes money was short ) but they managed to stay on the straight and narrow. this lasted for three years.

something had to go awry eventually. he’s too close to the scene, catches an injury that initially looked, not horrible. a scar would become a permanent fixture on his skin - but he’d survive. --------- until infection sets in. until it blossoms into something their petty medical skills can’t cover. maybe slapping some bandages and medical tape on it & calling it a day hadn’t been such a good idea. they were still kids ---- and they’d fucked up. 

their hand is forced. petrek and magnea drop him off at the nearest hospital - welcome to crystalline city - and have no choice but to continue on their way less their reputation should precede them and they get caught up with law enforcement. sometimes it was just easier to be ‘ the man behind the scenes ‘. 

one hefty hospital bill later and he’s now resident in crystalline - much, MUCH, larger than where he’d originated. there’s some forgery on his part and plenty of loans and he eventually lands himself an apartment with the bare minimum. it’s a lot at twenty-two with an education that is scarce on paper - but he’s worldly & where there’s a will, there’s a way.

you can’t say he doesn’t have drive. it takes some time to scout out a job but he’s not above some begging and pleading if he has to ( he wants to keep that roof above his head somehow ). haggis tech is his beacon of hope and saving grace * finger guns to the real MVP harriet haggis. perhaps there was embellishing on his part - a resume and interview really was just about selling ones self - but he knew he had what it took to back it up - and nothing he’d ever done thus far was out of malintent. eventually ( more like somehow ) he lands on the radar of the harriet haggis and finds himself as a trainee. godspeed. 

TL ; DR or the simplified summary

he’s just happy to be here.

on an emo note ; the type of person to feel lonely in a room full of people. would rather shy away from large crowds. 

perpetually homesick even though his family / save for his sister / were assholes. they were still his mom and dad. also probably a little heartbroken because the likelihood of them ever looking for him or putting out a missing person notice is slim to nothing and he knows it - probably checked. shit was just too :/ rough. the relationships were kind of shot.

probably checks in on their online activity - discreetly though. like a window into their lives. it’s probably the part of his life he keeps tight-lipped about. partly ashamed and partly hurt. 

& his friends kind of up and left him in the city so that adds to that sweet sweet homesick feeling. since that was his last tie. 

probably also overcoming his conflicted feelings about people with abilities. it’s more like having to correct a negative thought. he knows it's not true - but he can’t help but feel it upon first meeting. oh they’re inherently dangerous. but like ?? he sees heroes all the time. 

wanted/ideas for connections !!

give me that replacement for his little sibling. someone he dotes on. just let him fill ONE void in his life. 

someone who he’s just like ?? attached himself to. something about them makes him feel better. the kind of relationship where he’s put himself on their doorstep waiting for them to come home. he’s that friend who spends more time at your house than their own. he’s pretty solitary but this is like the one person(s) that he likes to just have occupied space?? like they don’t even have to be doing anything - just the presence alone is enough - listen im jsut trying to fill this sense of loneliness in his life don’t @ me. if you want to spice things up this person can be a villain / someone he probably shouldn’t be associating himself with. 

honestly im an angst hoe too so like throw anything angsty at me - enemies, friends to enemies idc. 

friends are fine

GIVE ME A BICKERING. oof i love a good hate/love. 

rivals

someone he might be trying to steer back onto the right path of life idk i mean he’s not squeaky clean but like out of villainy ?? that shits wack.

 he’s my dumb son and i LOVE HIM. sk;ld also my dumbass doesn’t have discord but if you want to plot my IMs are open just like ??? know me and plotting have a rocky relationship. 

[tumblunni]

Man, god, im just suddenly thinking about "ak/ur/oku" and like.. How the fuck did that even become such a huge thing in early 2000s fandom? Dear god so much early gay shipping in fandom was super unhealthy "sinful" bullshit made by straight people for fetishy purposes rather than genuine representation. But a/kurok/u was such a weird one because it was like.. Just globally accepted and never aknowledged to be problematic?? Man i still remember how lil 13 year old me didnt know there was anything wrong with it, like seriously when stuff like this becomes popularized it ends up sending bad messages to actual queer youth. Learning about your sexuality via the internet cos there's no sex ed irl for you, abd you end up stumbling into toxic fandoms before you have the critical thinking skills necessary to know that this stuff is bad and shouldnt be imitated. Like seriously one of the things i worry about EVERY NIGHT AT 2AM THAT KEEPS ME FROM SLEEPING is that stupid lil 15 year old me made a post on deviantart going like "are pedophiles really all bad? I mean it sounds like an illness. I mean maybe theyre just scared and they want help." Like im terrified constantly that someone will find that old thing and judge me as if i still believe that apologist crap, or as if it was actually an opinion i formed from a fully developed mind, rather than from a kid who (as far as i knew) had never met a pedophile, thinking about pedophiles in the abstract, while being influenced by fuckin pedophile-dominated fandoms and having NO IDEA. and of cooooourse i wanted to believe that i was mature for my age, i thought that was a compliment.. Uuuuugh...

Sorry, going a little offtopic there.

But anyway isnt it kinda weird how akur/oku was just.. Not even regarded as pedophilia? And when i was a kid it wasnt just me not understanding the gross parts of the fandom, i legit never thought axel was that much older than roxas. And it was one of the more popular gay ships cos at that point as far as we knew it was the only person axel had any sort of backstory with, and he cared so much about this guy that he was willing to sacrifice his life to help sora even when he knew roxas would never come back. At the time without further context it seemed like a reasonable assumption to make? And it wasnt until Days that i realized axel was intended to be an adult rather than a teenager, and even worse A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO MADE THAT SHIPPING ART KNEW THAT. Uuugh it was so gross in retrospect to go back and see all the clues i missed that these people were fetishizing roxas's inexperience and veey much writing him as underage. AAAAAAA!

Anyway im glad that shit is now recognized as shit and now we have canon evidence of this dude being old as balls. And honestly i love the relationship of him as a big brother/dad to roxas and xion a lot more, even though as a kid i was desperate for any kind of queer representation in kh. Like.. I never really actually liked the ship that much or felt any chemistry? I just latched onto a few bad writing flubs that could potentially be interpreted as Gay Evidence because i was SO damn desperate! Like i felt like i had to support all these gross abusive ships in fandom cos if i wasnt then i was being 'homophobic', i mean they were THE ONLY AVAILABLE OPTIONS, right? :( Its only now ive grown up i can see how wrong that was, and how people just used it as an excuse to make gross shit and get away with it. Like how in Black Butler all these 'yaoi fangirls' kept erasing the rarest of rare things, a canon trans woman, because 'its sexier if its gay'. Ughhhh. And seriously that discourse still exists for poor Grell, and there's still a lot of these shitty bigoted people pretending to be allies, but like seriously this was EVERYWHERE in 2005! And lgbt rights and even lgbt communities at all were way smaller and less available to the poor teenagers who really needed that positive influence while they were figuring out who they are. So man the abusive side of yaoi fandom was WAY more powerful, and wya more.mainstream, with barely any criticism. And the whole content of this fandom was creepy fuckin adults making pedo porn, and kids who just discovered they were queer and tried to headcanon their favourote characters as being like them. Fucking predator heaven! So yeh that ruined KH for me and definately made me scared of returning to Black Butler for almost a decade. And then i found out that the manga itself has none of that pedo shit and that one of the fandom's biggest abusive gay man archetypes was actually a trans woman this entire time, and just gahhhhh....

Also like seriously this is a tad offtopic but can we kill the anime trope of either everyone looking young or everyone looking old? Or creepy things where just one character looks the wrong age in order to fetishize pedophilia? I dont think kingdom hearts was one of those intentional ones, like i mean there's super bad shit where its like 'this 5 year old looking person is really 9000 years old/actually 18 and just hasnt had their growth spurt yet' (somehow its even more insulting when theres not even a magical excuse) Or the other way around and we have a character thats canonically underage but drawn looking sexually mature with big ol knockers so its somehow okay. The existence of those horrible things is why i end up feeling uncomfortable even seeing ambiguous ages as just a trope in completely innocent anime, yknow? Like in pokemon and digimon all the 10 year old protagonists are exactly the same height as all the adults, and all the female love interests for ash have to be early bloomers in terms of chest and hips, while notably Iris is the only one who actually looks her age and also the first non love interest. Its another reason why i prefer the new art style for the latest season, they make everyone look like kids and Lillie continues to look like a kid even though she's the main girl and has all the cute scenes with Ash. The girls even got very normal looking kiddy swimsuits in the beach episode! Why is that so uncommon, to find the bare minimum thing of underage kids not being sexualized at the beach??

Soooooo yeah, thats at least part of why kid me thought axel and roxas were within a similar age range. Like i thought roxas was maybe 16 and axel was 18?? Somehow?? I dont even know, kingdom hearts isnt even SUPER bad with the 'kids look like older teens,all adults look like age 20 at the most' anime syndrome. Its probably more because id been raised on games and anime that followed that trope, before i played kh. And as a kid you just dont really know the exact differences between 'old', like i mean i knew teenagers were tall and boys get a growth spurt, so somehow it made sense to me that axel could be the same age as roxas?? And man even if i knew he wasnt, i was barely educated at all about pedophilia and i didnt know the nuances of it. I just knew 'its bad for adults to marry kids' like man i was really behind the curve in general learning due to my undiagnosed autism and abusive parenting so like HERE'S 12 YEAR OLD ME NOT EVEN THINKING ABOUT THE SEX ASPECT. And i didnt know that adults in relationships with teenagers was bad too, or like 16/17 year old teens dating kids... I was so fuckin dumb... I really cant believe that not only did i believe stupid adults saying 'pedophilia isnt bad if you're non offending, its okay to make cartoon child porn as long as you dont physically abuse real kids' but also i somehow just DID NOT EVER REALIZE that axel was an adult and roxas wasnt even a goddamn older teen...

So yeh im making a lot of excuses for why my stupid younger self was blindly parroting bullshit, but im not trying to excuse how goddamn wrong and bad it was. I still wake up ashamed in the middle of the night for crapoy decisions i made as a dumb kid, and in terrified that some shreds of it might still exist out there on the internet and maybe someone else could read it?! Gahhhh! Seriously could i have accidentally helped spread that bullshit brainwashing to other kids? And seriously when people say this shit is harmless they just need to look at this, look at how being into problematic yaoi is such a common 'phase' for ACTUAL CHILDREN. Like its not fuckin NATURAL for kids to fall into this stuff, they do it because they dont know any better but the people making the goddamn founding blocks of the fandom are fuckin grown women fetishizing gay men or grown men fetishing lesbians. There's people who do know better who actually conciously decide that a/kurok/u is a good ship while knowing all the goddamn details of what it actually is and exactly what theyre supporting by shipping it. Ughhhhh!

So yeh fuckin Please Stay Safe In Fandom, Kids

And pedophiles have absolutely none of my sympathy, please ignore that goddamn shit i wrote as a little kid being fuckin groomed by a fandom without even knowing it.

This also applies a lot to the rest of LGBT+ aside from just gay shipping, like seriously it took me til age 18 to find any positive representation of trans people or even a proper explanation of what being trans is, yet before i was even 8 years old i'd seen a million 'lol gross man in a dress who gets sexual gratification from wearing women's underwear' jokes in kids shows. And when i was 12 i'd already been exposed to the fuckin hell of m/pre/g thanks to its prevelance of untagged n/sf/w shit in the kh fandom. And by age 15 i'd been exposed to pedophile apologists arguing whether child porn was okay if they only got off to that and didnt personally abuse that kid with their own hands. All of that shit but actually learning about homosexuality and gender in sex ed would have been 'too much' for someone my age...

God what a fuckin mess. Fuck im really really fuckin worried that any of my ignorant comments at those ages could have been read by other ignorant kids and contributed to that disgusting fandom atmosphere. Fuck i think about this so damn often im so damn ashamed of how ignorant i used to be yet i know the adult fuckfaces making pedo shit never reel one lick of shame any damn day of their life. I used to excuse their shit as an actual kid cos i just ASSUMED they would be ashamed and want to seek help! Gahhhh..

[abaskervillehound]

- 45 questions -

i guess ill jump on too

Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with? Many, actually. Ryan is part of a really big family, so there’s a lot of family members in their age group. The closest one would be their twin sibling, who they haven’t properly talked to since they were young. Second closest would be Riley Sato, but it isn’t really... a normal connection. It’s more like ‘Ryan bothers Riley and Riley dies’ sort of dynamic.

What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like? This is actually a huge fucking spoiler so I guess I’ll just say this: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. There’s a few who know this though so wink wonk to them.

What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like? This is also a spoiler too. I’ll answer this in endgame, really.

Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know? Yes, and no.

On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets? Who knows the full list, but they always mix it up. Usually what stays is their ID card (in-game only), money (outside of game), and candy (both). They did have a tendency to eat any hard candies or lolipops, but I’ve been a forgetful fuck about that.

Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams? Wandering around unknown places, revisiting old memories of the past, generally anything that has to do with the sensation of being free and stuff. They don’t really get these all that often, and they’re more adjusted to nightmares.

Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares? They have nightmares about their family as a whole, and their deep insecurities, really. What are they? Who knows what those are.

Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target? Yes, actually. Their first target was just at a practice dummy. They’re actually pretty good at it, but luckily, they’ve never really had to use that sharpshooter skill.

Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up? This is a weird question to answer considering Ryan’s a notorious criminal, but yes. It’s clearly different from what it was when they were growing up.

Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing? More clothing. It hides their physical traits better.

In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been? I’ve hinted at this in narration but they were overwhelmingly terrified when their training buddy killed someone. It was a bad time for both parties, and there’s really no justifying why it happened. The reason was this: someone found out too much, and someone’s threat was over the top. Ryan isn’t actually heavily involved in this, but since the person who did it was their training buddy, they were generally just in a state of “what the actual FUCK” about it. Also their guardian was pissed so that was terrifying. Really the most afraid situation would have to be with their family. Nyoho.

In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been? When they were in the smaller level jail, really. Aside from their last day in there, they were extremely calm. Tranquil, really, as if they were ready to accept what karma they’ve piled upon their shoulders.

Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way? Not really, no. They... really don’t really like to think about what they actually feel when it comes to blood. There’s this weird disconnect that they experience, but it doesn’t make them distant. They kind of just laugh at it, really.

Does your character remember names or faces easier? Faces.

Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not? Material possession. Sure, money is great to buy things, but those things are really what they like.

Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success? Hmm. This is not a good question for Ryan since they don’t idealize any of these things. Maybe happiness?

What was your character’s favorite toy as a child? The bible. Actually, they weren’t given any toys when they were young for backstory reasons, but at least they have 9 other dogs to fill that void.

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others? Surprisingly, wisdom is more of an admirable trait than ambition to them. 

What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before? Since I have no idea how this would come in game aside from one thing, but their biggest flaw is that whenever they’re emotionally hurt in any degree, they cut off all of their connections. It’s bad. It’s really bad. They just don’t know how to handle that.  They haven’t destroyed any relationships with this before as the many candidates also didn’t want a close connection, so they were sort of safe on that front.

In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism? oop, spoiler

If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others? aw fuck another spoiler question

What does your character like in other people? b...being independent? Having interesting reactions? Never being completely dull? Not being 100% nice? There’s a lot of things that they like in other people, but I guess... like, how much those people can tolerate their bullshit?

What does your character dislike in other people? Being obsessed with doing the ‘right’ thing. Obsession and being inclined to do something good are two different things in their eyes. They also don’t like people who are quick to form connections, as well as people who hate dogs. How can you hate dogs. It’s the number one trait that would get you on Ryan’s “do not even acknowledge this person’s existence” list.

How quick is your character to trust someone else? Not quick at all. In fact, they trust people at the rate of a snail: astronomically slow.

How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person? Hahaha.

How does your character behave around children? They’re actually really good at dealing with children! It’s a really weird thing to imagine, but they actively restrict their language and jokes down to the bare minimum (or make them really lowkey) in order to seem more friendly. They aren’t against the idea of playing games with children for hours-- it’s better than most things in life.  

How does your character normally deal with confrontation? As anyone would think they would: pretty nonchalantly, as if it doesn’t concern them. They would just joke around and try to defuse it, which generally doesn’t work since a confrontation usually means that the person is Fucking Pissed.

How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation? Depends, really. They usually try not to resort to physical violence unless the person verbally asks for it. 

What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true? They wanted to travel the world and become a traveler! Bonus points on if they were a travelling priest. They did get to travel the world, but not as a priest though.

What does your character find repulsive or disgusting? Well one thing that they find repulsive is the Catholic Church as a whole. Another is the concept of not... washing your hands after using the bathroom... and not taking care of your appearance...

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable. mmmmm well i guess i can say this but they feel comfortable when talking to tadashi?????????? they feel comfortable enough that they literally could tell him whatever he wanted to ask because he’s put up with their shit for so long, they’re fucking amazed by it no more on that bye  Another scenario can be like. being anywhere that’s really peaceful and full of nature sounds. Really, they like nature. They would prefer to live in a house in the depths of a forest than a city, really. But that’s implying that they’d actually stay rooted to a place by their own free-will. Wanderlust is one of their biggest words, after all.

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable. Ohhh. There’s actually a lot of situations where they feel uncomfortable, but I guess the thing that takes the cake is being forced to talk about themself??? Like. They wouldn’t like therapy because it’s very self-reflective, for example. Being asked questions that are mostly centered on themself is extremely uncomfortable to them, because it actually forces them to think about what they feel. They need to think about themself, rather than being disconnected from themself as they always do. Identity is big w/ Ryan.

In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve? Surprisingly, they’re actually more inclined to be willing to improve rather than the other options. Unless it’s a criticism that’s just unfair such as for them to change their entire being, they actually do keep things in mind and are willing to improve. They’re actually nicer than before because of Kanon being like ‘hey, you’re kind of an asshole and people would like you more if you weren’t’. In comparison to the first chapter, they’re nicer than before. Much more nicer. Kind of miss the complete asshole they were, but like, this is nice too.

Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method? Immediately move on to a different solution/method. They don’t have the patience to keep with something if it doesn’t work. Actually no errr... Really, it would be more fitting if they try something multiple times before moving on, as they don’t just give up easily like that. Sure, they might be an impulsive shit, but they’re still somewhat calculative when it comes to... other stuff... maybe.

How does your character behave around people they like? :S Their behavior is really inconsistent since they don’t have one, but they’re generally more open about themself around people they like. Though acquaintances are usually met with their very playful behavior that does like to mock and pick at people if they have interesting reactions. 

How does your character behave around people they dislike? Inconsistent. They’re more closed off and inconsistent around people they dislike, and a whole lot more dismissive, really. It’s actually really hard for them to keep disliking people since they find that it’s tiring, so uh yeah.

Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status? Okay. Okay, Ryan has to sort of be concerned about honor considering they were part of a yakuza group for a while, and their beliefs were.............. very traditional. Though they prefer concerning about status than honor, really. But they cognitively get the need of defending honor.

Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat? Both, depending on what the situation was and how pissed they are in that moment.

Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)? Oh, many times. They weren’t really affected by it since physical pain is a little bit harder for them to process correctly. Instead of just being in pain and squirming around, they kind of just laugh through it.

How does your character treat people in service jobs? Very enthusiastically and kind. Willing to help and very humble. Though when the people start yelling at them, they’ll always fight back. Luckily, they don’t work in that field.

Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first? It’s actually a mix between both! Essentially, they feel that they’ve earned what they want, and thus, they deserve to receive it. Though for certain things, they lean towards the mindset of feeling that they need to earn whatever it is. Though they do verbally state the former all the time to keep with a shit-head kind of reputation.

Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them? Y...es.

Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them? Yes.

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it? It’s easy to say it when they’re a different person, but as themself-- it’s really hard. It’s a personal statement, so they only reserve it for someone who they strongly feel this way to. Perhaps in a fortunate way, they really don’t know their own emotions, so you’ll probably never catch them saying this unless you’re really lucky.

What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them? They’re catholic, so they believe in the whole heaven and hell situation after they die. It’s funny considering they have an absurdist mindset. Though it’s the type that allows religion to come into play, as it’s classified as an act of free will to believe in something in this meaningless life. It doesn’t really scare them all too well-- at least, from what people can see. They do go around and say that they’re going straight into hell a lot. Really, they aren’t sure how to feel about it, so they’re assuming that they’re pretty happy over it.