#i mean ok kadena is in it for sure but like

[possibilistfanfiction]

sutton and a trans guy, please i'm begging you! my crops would flourish, my skin would clear

[henny we all need hydration & july is no time for acne so here u go]

//

kat has to cover the new wowfull selections and truly the only reason you both decide to go instead of sending one of her interns is because there are very few things jane hates more than smorgasburg.

‘no,’ she says, about forty times, before kat offers to buy her whatever she wants on scarlet’s card and finally jane relents. 

you get there together, all crammed into what is probably the world’s tiniest via, you think, with kat essentially on adena’s lap in the back and you had let jane have the front seat because she was already grumpy. it’s so hot already and you didn’t even bother wearing makeup because it’s a sunday at noon in the middle of july and kat had made you all get out of bed so she can eat waffles from the most pretentious food truck gathering ever, so it’s truly not worth it on so many levels.

the bouncer checks your IDs and kat gets you three glasses of rose before handing you both $50, which shuts jane up momentarily.

‘i’m gonna go find somewhere to sit with adena,’ she says, and you kind of envy her right now, because she has wine and the best pair of vintage denim shorts you’ve ever seen, dramatic sunglasses and beat up sneakers. also, a beautiful girlfriend who is in a skirt that flows with the breeze in lines that oliver would love, who holds kat’s hand and you see them laughing and it’s wild, you think, how easily in love they are.

you and jane both kind of watch them walk away, a little dazed, and then she turns to you.

‘i literally hate this so much but we have $100 to spend on food so, shall we?’

she offers the crook of her elbow and you grin and you end up getting poke tacos, bahn mi, japanese street ice, green chile frito pie, and a vegan burger to share before you grab another glass of wine. kat drops you a pin and you find her and adena lounging on a blanket in the shade, thank god.

kat raises her brows at all of the food you have and you shrug. ‘you gave us the money.’

she grins and proceeds to instagram the entire spread before taking a bite of everything, which even jane laughs at.

‘kat, are you gonna get anything?’ 

‘yeah,’ she says, waves a hand around vaguely. ‘adena and i had breakfast before we came though so i’m not that hungry yet.’

jane literally spits out part of her taco to frown completely and you want to laugh because you love her so much and it’s so unnecessary but you’ll let her have it.

‘so you’re saying you dragged us to this crowded, hot, bougie food truck hell and you don’t even want to eat anything?’

‘uh, no,’ kat says. ‘i gave you $100 to eat anything you wanted and eventually i have to eat the new wowfull.’

jane groans and lies down against the blanket dramatically and adena smiles into kat’s shoulder.

‘love you so much, tiny jane,’ kat says.

//

eventually kat really does have to try the wowfull, which she proceeds to say like seven times and you’ve had three glasses of wine in like 90 degree heat so you are both decently day drunk and the word keeps making you laugh harder every time. the line is insane but at this point you’re so fucking full and apparently kat is still good to go because you’re waiting patiently, not really bothered, and jane is chatting with adena about, you don’t really know?, but something to do with memoir and sexuality in iran—honestly it’s a little shitty that you’d tuned them out and kat had too because she was just staring at adena’s boobs for a hot few minutes before you’d dragged her to finally do what you set out to in the first place.

you’re talking to her and she’s turning back, to check on adena and jane, probably, and you really aren’t saying anything that interesting so when kat breaks out in a huge grin you’re a little confused until a guy two people behind you in line spots her as well and smiles, just as big.

‘jayden, oh my god,’ she says, stepping out of the line to give him a big hug.

‘kat,’ he says, clearly excited, ‘hi!’

she steps back and looks him over and wow, okay, he’s super cute, you can see that, with skin a few shades darker than kat’s, perfect arms, an incredible smile, dimples, and, listen, you’re drunk but you have good taste no matter what.

‘you look incredible,’ she says, and then tugs him up two spots to where you still are standing in line.

‘jayden,’ she says, with a shit eating grin and you know what that means, but honestly you are not going to complain today, ‘this is sutton.’

‘nice to meet you, sutton,’ he says, shakes your hand.

‘nice to meet you too.’

‘hey,’ kat says, glancing around. ‘are you here with anyone?’

he shakes his head no. ‘i was on a run and then i got hungry, figured since i was already in the park i’d stop by.’

‘ew,’ kat says. ‘running.’

he laughs and you really think that maybe kat has like a magnet for attractive people, yourself included, because. wow.

‘so,’ you say, ‘how do you two know each other?’

‘oh,’ kat says, in the way that you know she’s trying to downplay one thing or another, ‘we went to yale together.’

‘two of three black people in our communications program,’ jayden says, and they high five.

‘that’s awesome,’ you say, and kat nods but jayden shrugs. humble, a good quality. 

‘what are you doing in the city?’ kat asks, completely ignoring the menu even though you’re like three people away from ordering, but whatever, you can wing it. 

‘i just moved to park slope,’ he says. ‘i’m doing PR for an lgbtq youth outreach program for the center.’

okay, so, he’s a good person. kat looks at you like she knows you literally thought just that, puts her arm around his shoulders. ‘always the better of the two of us.’

‘no way,’ he says, and you love seeing your friend like this, honestly. you also love seeing her friend just exist so you’re so content. ‘from what i know from your social, you are department head and you also have a very, very pretty girlfriend.’

kat nods modestly. ‘true. on both accounts.’

jayden hip checks her and kat shoves him, gently but she’s also drunk and you send an apologetic smile to the white dude behind her in a cutoff poncho and tevas, the absolute worst.

‘so,’ jayden says, drifting closer to you, ‘how do you know the illustrious katherine edison?’

you smile because kat hates her full name and she turns away with a huff to finally look at the menu, which is probably good because she actually has to order in like, four seconds. ‘we met as interns at scarlet four years ago.’

‘sutton,’ kat says over her shoulder, ‘is in the fashion department. fucking killer.’

jayden smiles when kat sighs and orders all six wowfulls on the menu because she can’t remember what she was actually supposed to review, and she waves him off when he tries to order too.

‘i just paid for, like, ten thousand calories. at least you can help us eat a few.’

jayden shrugs and you both ignore kat for a few moments while she tries to figure out how to carry all six wowfulls back to your blanket without spilling all of them and finally you both take pity on her and grab two each. she rolls her eyes and strides off in front of you and you both laugh.

jayden is cute as shit and jane has apparently seen this development and offers the two of you more wine, which she’d picked up while you were in line. 

‘thanks,’ jayden says, sitting down between you and kat. he introduces himself politely, shakes jane’s hand, and then laughs at kat’s blush when she introduces adena.

adena is thrilled to hear a few stories about kat in undergrad, how she threw up in a freshman sociology class because she and jayden had been to a party the night before and kat had never had vodka before; the time they went to harvard and tried to join a secret society to find out more about them; her apparently very intense and strict nap schedule her senior year.

kat rolls her eyes and tries to argue but you know it’s mostly for show, because she’s happy and taking pictures of all of you eating these insanely decadent desserts and adena feeds her a spoonful of ice cream and you and jane share an eye roll before you notice jayden doing the same and honestly, he’s in at that point. he’s really in when he gets kat and adena to agree to speak at an upcoming event for his youth center, something to do with intersectionality and creativity in the workplace, which like they really are both perfect for. 

kat is a very professional person, really, and lowkey a workaholic, and you know this, but sometimes—'i need to go for a walk,’ she groans, lying back on the blanket dramatically. ‘i’m. so full.’

‘fair,’ jane says, gets up and you help her throw away all of your collective trash. it’s hot as hell but the park is pretty shady at this point, but once you get out of the designated food truck area kat smirks at adena and then takes off her shirt.

apparently today was a day for kat to not wear a bra and you have literally seen her boobs more times than you can count, as has jane, and definitely adena, but her girlfriend still blushes and you roll your eyes again.

you pause because kat now wants adena to put sunscreen on her back, apparently, and when adena kisses behind kat’s ear jane says, ‘this isn’t a porn film,’ and kat laughs, loud and full and you love both of them for those exact reasons.

‘fine, fine,’ she says, accepts it and puts the sunscreen away, links her fingers with adena again.

you’re too busy being a little jealous of them to notice that jayden has taken his shirt off too but when you look over at him, to ask him something about his work or his apartment or his neighborhood, you have to swallow because, okay, abs. jane squeezes your hand and you have to fight a strangled laugh and kat and adena are off in their own fucking world a few feet ahead of you.

you don’t even notice the scars on jayden’s chest until you do, and, okay, you can do this. you know lots of trans people, you fitted a bunch of trans men for a fashion spread just last month, so everything clicks into place pretty quickly but you’re still staring and you don’t really know what to do because you’re kind of drunk and the last thing you want to do is be shitty to this dude that you think is honestly super banging—but then jane, perfect tiny jane, says, ‘wow, your abs are just. wow.’

he laughs and you laugh and you maybe have never loved another person more in the world than you love her right now. kat turns around momentarily and grins at jayden, genuinely delighted, and then winks at you.

i hate you, you mouth, and she only smiles bigger and turns forward, kisses her girlfriend’s cheek.

//

you all end up sitting near a fountain and kat falls asleep while adena plays with her hair, so then adena starts photographing her, and everything around you.

jayden is smart and funny and really, incredibly caring, and jane makes an excuse to go find the bathroom but you know she went after your second glass of wine so she doesn’t really have to go.

‘i’m glad i ran into kat,’ jayden says, and it’s sincere, for sure.

‘me too.’

he smiles, hands you his phone. ‘she’s great, but i also am very glad i got to meet you.’

and, like, you’re going to have to navigate some things, sure, but he’s fucking hot and also very kind and kat seems to love him and he’s already commiserated with jane on like eight complaints so.

you’re sutton brady, and no one is better with people than you.

‘i’m very glad i got to meet you too,’ you say, finishing your contact information. you call yourself from his phone and he smiles and you save his number.

kat wakes up because adena legitimately has to pee and jane comes back with waters for everyone—an actual angel—and you spend another hour sweating it out with your friends, and a boy you like, and you’re day drunk and exhausted by the end of it, very happy.

kat gives jayden a big hug before she and adena get into a via to head back to soho, and jane tries to shake his hand but he laughs and gives her a hug instead.

you stand on your tip toes and kiss his cheek and he glances down, a little shy, but with a smile when he looks back up at you.

‘i’ll text you,’ you say.

‘i look forward to it.’

he jogs away with a wave and jane’s face is a human version of the smirk emoji and you let out a deep breath.

‘yeah,’ she says.

‘fuck yah,’ you say.

//

the next evening you lie down next to jane in bed; you and jayden had been texting all day and you really, really like him and really, really do not want to mess this up.

‘hey babe,’ jane says, pausing whatever intense and probably boring documentary she’s watching and setting aside her computer. ‘what’s up?’

‘can you direct me,’ you say, because jane is the best and has probably researched literally everything, ‘to resources on how to not be a shitty cis partner to a trans person?’

jane grins, opens her computer to an actual, honest to god google doc, and scrolls through it.

‘i started compiling it this morning,’ she says. 

‘oh my god.’

she shares it with your email with a triumphant click. ‘i thought you’d never ask.’

you gesture to the computer. ‘you definitely thought i’d ask.’

she nods. ‘that’s true, because you’re an amazing person.’

‘i don’t think this is amazing, just, like, decent?’

‘you’re right.’ she shrugs. ‘you are amazing, though. just, you know, read and listen to some of this stuff, it’s a good baseline, and then ask him if you’re unsure about anything.’

‘yeah,’ you say. you’re both quiet for a minute and then you smile.

‘he’s so fucking cute.’

‘oh my god,’ jane says. ‘where do i even start?’

//

you’re resting your head on his chest in bed and he kisses the top of your head and then says, ‘you know kat will literally brag about this every single moment, the fact that two of her friends are together and she set us up.’

‘oh,’ you say, looking up so you can see his eyes, ‘so we’re together?’

he looks legitimately nervous and it’s endearing. ‘i—thought so?’

you roll your eyes and kiss him. ‘you’ve been my boyfriend for a hot minute already, don’t worry.’

he tilts his head back. ‘you’re an ass sometimes, you know that?’

‘i’ve been best friends with kat for five years. i have to be.’

jayden laughs and agrees and you prop yourself up on your elbows and kiss him, because kat and adena are always late for brunch, so you definitely have time.

[lesbianrabbithole]

I tried to analyze why this scene, even though I didn’t like having to watch Kat with someone else, didn’t create the same visceral, full of rage, reaction that the sex dream scene did.

And after thinking about it, I think is all because of the build up.

When we enter episode 5, we come from the I love you. We come from a high were everything is good, I mean they have the immigration issue but between them things are good. Their relationship looks strong, their feelings for each other are stronger than ever. And we just had an I love you scene.

After the I love you I was waiting for some more cute, domestic Kadena moments, or at least some Kat gushing about Adena. But instead we get nothing. No Adena, not cute Kadena moments.

We get Kat flirting with someone else at a point when that is a threat to that established, happy relationship we’ve had for the first 4 episodes. So the first instinctive reaction is to reject what could be the source of angst.

And then, the sex dream scene on itself it’s treated so different. There’s no cuts, it comes pretty much out of nowhere, and it’s fast. It hits us like a gut punch immediately and doesn’t relent.

It gives us a silver of hope when Kat pulls away at first, we are like this sucks, but ok, she can explain to Adena that the kiss wasn’t something she went looking for. But then she goes in, all in, for more and in that moment we know there’s no going back, if Kat does this, willingly and hungrily goes for another woman, there’s no way to come back from this. Thankfully she wakes up.

And then wen we get to episode 6, we already know there’s trouble coming. If we watched the promo, that I’m sure most did, we know Kat is gonna fuck up, we are just waiting to see how bad. And even if you didn’t watch the promo, if you are just working with the knowledge from what we saw on episode 5, you know there’s more to the dream that what Kat wants to admit, and you will be afraid about how that’s going to affect their relationship.

So we are on a state of alert. By the point we get to the bar, we are on edge. We know bad things could happen, we are waiting for them to happen. And the show knows this, and that’s why they drag the scene.

Unlike the dream scene that we got all at once, this one is split several times. We cut to Jane and Sutton, we are forced to wait. They keep showing us glimpses of the situation, first the flirting, then the dancing, then the almost kiss, that when the kiss happens we are almost resigned to the fact it will.

So it didn’t fill me with rage, but more disappointment. And it’s also almost a relief. Like the dream showed us the worst that could happen. And the kiss is bad, is still cheating, still hurts, but it’s done in a way that we can at least hope that they can move past it.

[starchasertonight]

I just wanna say how grateful I am (and I'm sure plenty are) that you take care in writing for the Kadena fandom. I've learned so much through simply being in the fandom, opened my eyes to the wrongs of the US as I'm a citizen. I love that you as a writer want to write Adena correctly and actually try bc she's not just anyone. It must be a lot of pressure to not step on shoes and you've managed to write for us a lot and accomplish that. So just thank you very much. -sw

hey sw, thank you so much for this. both for your kind words and for taking the time to send me this. i’ve learned a lot by being in this fandom too, and i’m particularly thankful for the ways muslim folks in this fandom have taken the time and the energy to share and educate. 

this may sound kind of lame, but i’m a big believer that fanfiction is super impactful for those who read it. it matters what people write, and that shouldn’t create pressure but it’s definitely something to be conscious of. i think about this the most with smut, for the norms it teaches about wlw sex- what’s “standard”, what gets portrayed as kinky or weird or embarrassing, what expectations it sets- because i know for a lot of wlw in fandom fanfic can also be sex ed, whether intended or not. but i think about this also with characterization. i want to do right by these characters that mean a lot to people, especially these unprecedented qwoc characters that i’m writing as a white person. it doesn’t feel like pressure necessarily, (though i often find myself wishing there were more kadena fic writers to hand very qwoc-specific prompts off too) but it does make me very intentional about what prompts i answer and how. and i would hope that people would still feel like they can come to me if i ever write something that misses the mark, that’s problematic or bothersome. i’d way rather someone tell me, bc i’m inevitably going to screw up sometimes. 

but yes, a lot of thought goes into it. maybe more than people realize (and that’s ok haha). i appreciate your feedback and gratitude, it means a lot.

[capn-charlie]

A #Kadena One-shot : Identity vs. Personality

Kat and Adena have a heart-to-heart about the meaning of labels, sexuality in general, and a shared past experience of Adena’s that’s all-too-real. 

“I didn’t know you were an artist of various mediums.”

Kat’s cheeky statement gets Adena’s attention from where she’s sat, cross-legged by the girl’s feet with a miniature, nail polish brush held carefully between three of her fingers.

“Look at that… you learn something new every day,” she adds with a mindless twist, eyes raising to look across the room at nothing in particular. “Photography not included, obviously. We already knew you kick ass in that department.”

Things had previously been quiet, consumed by a warm comfort matched by candles scattered throughout the apartment bedroom, creating an undeniable atmosphere as the two bonded via a spur-the-moment, nail-painting session. It was Kat’s idea, coming in the form of a seductive-sounding request that Adena wouldn’t have denied even if her girlfriend had demanded it. Quite frankly, despite nail-painting being an everyday activity done by just about anyone, she enjoys the leisure time between them and how normal they act, like they’re equal-parts best friends and girlfriends. It just makes sense.

“Kat, I’m painting your toenails,” Adena finally answers, smirking and briefly shaking her head while her hand stills. “I hardly believe that makes me a qualified artist.”

“Hey, I just wanna compliment my girlfriend,” her gaze turns pointed, playfully lecturing. “Live a little.”

She pauses, looking up to lock eyes with the girl whose face remains stone-like and clearly not planning to change anytime soon. It causes both to smile eventually, the makeshift seriousness being the bane of their existence as they try to one-up the other with random quips and comebacks. Just another part of everyday life within their joint household. They both swoon over the concept, but neither bring it up.

“Hm, okay,” following another short pause, Adena hums. “I accept and appreciate the compliment, then.”

It’s silly yet completely genuine, each loving how consistently supportive they are ━ even when it comes to little things such as this: nail painting. Being able to remain oneself with a significant other is important, especially when already bold yet tender from a steady, past maturation, but it’s also enjoyable to know that you’ve acquired something more from being a person’s counterpart, like a little victory. You’re able to stand on your own, thrive on your own and grow into a human so beautiful and unique, but then someone else comes along and provides you with a hug of comfort and support that you didn’t know you were missing.

The thought causes Kat’s cheeks to fullen as she smiles, though she tries to stifle it by swallowing hard and clearing her throat. Again, disrupting the silence, Adena glances up as if to ask if she’s okay, but it only gives her girlfriend an opening to ask a question that’s been on her mind for a while now.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Mhm...” an absentminded hum responds, Adena moving the other girl’s foot slightly for a better view of the toe she’s painting.

“At what point did you start…” the matched hand motion is vague, not knowing how to express the question properly as Adena lifts her chin to be fully attentive, “…feeling something for me?”

Her mouth opens at first, then she asks, “What brought this question on?” with a quiet laugh.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while, actually,” Kat takes a deep breath. “We know I was dealing with some less-than-straight emotions from pretty much the get-go. Thank you for that, by the way,” it’s partially rambled, and Adena offers a smirk.

“My pleasure.”

“My point is… you didn’t have to go through those emotions,” her palms turn upward as if she’s shrugging, eyes drifting around the room because, admittedly, she feels a tad vulnerable ━ no matter if she’s already braved these specific, self-questioning demons, or otherwise.

“Just because I already identified as a lesbian, doesn’t mean I had everything figured out when it came to you,” it’s not upset-sounding nor forceful, but it comes with a frown and, automatically, Kat thinks she’s offended the other girl.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”

“No, no, I’m not trying to be rude,” Adena stops her right away, smiling warmly. “What I’m saying is that it took some time for me too. I had to…” the words don’t flow clearly, so she laughs and slouches as she reaches for the nail polish bottle to screw its cap back on.

When the polish is set aside, Adena’s hands fall into her lap as she stares at Kat, partially licking her lips in thought before bluntly stating, “It’s not easy falling for a straight girl.”

The reasoning makes her girlfriend’s face drop, not in offense but confusion.

“But you must’ve known I wasn’t entirely straight,” she tries to reason with the girl across from her. “Or… whatever I am. Jury’s still out on that,” it comes as a mutter, more so to herself but Adena picks up on the underlying frustration.

“You don’t have to label yourself, Kat. Either temporarily or permanently. It’s a personal choice,” Adena tilts her head to the side, giving her girlfriend a pout in hopes that she comprehends her words and believes them.

“I know, but sometimes it bothers me,” her voice nearly cracks. “Doesn’t it bother you?” Kat narrows her eyes in question, genuinely wondering. “You just said it’s not easy falling for a straight girl. What if that’s my label?”

“Then that’s your choice,” truly, Adena knows that Kat has a good point, and part of her regrets her response from just a minute or so prior, but it’s not so black and white, so she expands on her statement. “Don’t let my words confuse you. It’s not easy, no, but I meant it in regards to how I first judged you.”

“Which was…?”

Adena sighs, bowing her head with a tiny, regretful grin as she knows what she’s about to say will come off as ridiculous considering her most-recent dispute. Nevertheless, she relaxes her shoulders.

“Straight.”

Kat shifts her jaw, “Okay, yeah, even if I wasn’t confused before, now I am. Do you hear this conversation we’re having right now, or is it just me?”

She laughs as Kat’s eyes continue to narrow in a mild amusement, scooting a few inches closer so she’s only a foot away from her girlfriend. Adena waits, gathering her words with her teeth snagging her bottom lip momentarily, eyes drifting to the floor nearby, before putting out a broad explanation:

“Sometimes in communities, people’s identities define their personality. You see some being open-minded and fluid, and, other times… they become critical and judgmental. They think it’s part of the territory, or that leaving themselves open to understanding something else also leaves them unprotected.”

“Huh…” Kat says in thought, still squinting as she tries to understand where this is going.

“I once had a friendship with a girl much like you,” Adena begins, straightening her back as she sits, “but it ended quickly because of her sudden change in judgment. Well, not a change, but I hadn’t known how she truly felt beforehand.”

“What do you mean?”

“We’d often see each other in private, or at night when a little amount of people were around, and it was okay. We enjoyed ourselves and seeing each other. She’d always hug me goodbye, and called me when she got home,” she speaks vibrantly, like she’s retelling an old tale that has little-to-no effect on her anymore, and Kat pays attention, engrossed in the story. “I didn’t realize until after a while that our private friendship wasn’t because she liked lying low, but because she didn’t want her other friends to see.”

“How did you realize?”

“After a lengthy persuasion on my part,” Adena rubs her lips together, “she agreed to go grab a bite to eat at a little cafe. We had a nice time. There was normal talking, joking, even sharing our lunches,” a pause breaks the story, the girl sighing, “but her other friends showed up. A total surprise to both of us, but... she had plans with them that night for a sleepover after a festival a city over, so one of them asked if she’d like a ride home to get her things. I didn’t think anything of it. I was happy to see her enjoying herself with her other friends. But, as she was leaving and I stood up to hug her like usual, she backed away and smiled at me, then left.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Kat waves her hands, like she’s clearing the air of the flashback. “She just left? She didn’t say anything? Did her friends say anything?” it comes with a severe, annoyed frown on her girlfriend’s behalf.

“No one said anything,” she shakes her head. “At least, she didn’t until I asked her in a message, later that night. She explained that she couldn’t hug me in front of her friends, as she didn’t want them to think I was coming onto her since they knew I’m a lesbian. I told her that was absurd, and I asked if she thought I was coming onto her whenever we hugged. She never denied it.”

There’s a pause as the recollection fades, Adena bowing her head; maybe she didn’t forget it as well as she thought she did, or maybe she really hasn’t forgiven the girl who hurt her. Sure, it was only a friendship and nothing further, and she knows not everyone has that mindset, but that kind of instance provides a person with a certain, grim outlook on new friendships. You never know who is bound to turn around and walk away due to something you thought they understood ━ something you thought didn’t matter but, apparently, did.

“You thought I’d react like that?”

Kat’s whispered, cracked inquisition gets Adena to lift her head and break out of her loathing, lips parting because she didn’t mean to make her girlfriend feel bad about anything. Nevertheless, it’s something so real that needs to be addressed, and Adena refuses to stray away from yet another heart-to-heart between them.

“Maybe not exactly like that, but I do know that sexuality can be touchy for people. Not everyone is as open as I am, and that’s okay.”

“It’s not okay when they’re treating you like you’re going to give them some disease by hugging,” Kat condemns the stranger’s actions. “That’s… unbelievable. Can’t two girls be friends without everyone getting lit-up like it’s something new? What century are we in?”

Internally, it makes her second-guess her own friendships, wondering how she’d deal with the aftermath if Jane or Sutton ever acted that way once her sexuality was finally solidified ━ not that, in any light, she believes they would; just thinking or daydreaming about if your closest friends turned their back on you, how you’d react and what you’d feel… it’s a lot to handle, and it’s something that delivers a new perspective as she continues the conversation with Adena. It’s practically the definition of betrayal, Kat thinks.

“Some people are unbelievable, yes. Some people… cling onto their identity like it’s physically a part of them, and they don’t care how it makes them look,” again, Adena sighs. “They’re afraid of change,” she tells both of them, like she’s offering an excuse for her ex-friend. “Or I can at least say that from my experiences, and people I’ve come into contact with. It’s not my place to change their minds, though.”

“You changed mine,” sensing her girlfriend falling down a rabbit hole of old wounds and probable regrets, Kat smiles and displays affection to take her mind in a new direction; not everything is as hopeless as it seems from past experiences. “Thank you for saving me from my ‘straight’ self.”

Adena laughs at her praise, shaking her head to wipe the dopey smile off her face. The two fall quiet again, though the curt silence is diminished shortly after.

“Whatever you choose to label yourself, if you choose to label yourself…” Adena treads carefully, though her eyes portray the remnants of her prior smile, “just make sure it doesn’t dictate your view on certain issues or situations, or take over the Kat we know and love.”

“It won’t,” she shakes her head heavily. “I’m done seeing the world as entirely divided, like you’ve ignored one side of the aisle because you identify as another. I’m not doing that anymore. Not only on this subject, but all of them. Well,” one eye squints in thought, “most of them, at least. The chocolate versus vanilla debate is still going strong, and, for that, there’s only one correct side to be on.”

It gets another laugh, this time a shared round of giggles following as Adena nods in acceptance with a quiet, believing “Okay, good.”

Kat only studies Adena, demeanor full of love and admiration for the girl sitting near her as things quiet down and they’re left staring at each other through a thick, tense warmth that’s more smitten than something sultry. The eye contact brings Adena to remember that she never responded to the other girl’s wonder from before, so she presses her tongue to her inner cheek before adjusting her positioning on the bed.

“To answer your question…” she mutters, “I started feeling something for you almost immediately.”

“What?” the girl beams. “Are you serious?”

“You were persistent and confident, you had an argument for just about everything,” nodding her head, Adena remembers their first interaction, being more like a conflict than welcoming, but she purses her lips in entertainment. “It was intriguing, to say the least.”

“Was it a turn on?” her signature charm shines through, squinted eyes and smirk strong as if she already knows the answer ━ as if she’s convinced that she’s not wrong.

A laugh is heard, “In a mild sense of it, sure.”

“Mild? No way.”

“I was drawn to you,” Adena stays honest, giving Kat a simple thing to chew on. “I… wanted to know who you were, where you came from. Not just in a business setting, but as a person.”

“Have I lived up to your expectations?”

It’s initially just another flirtatious remark, but they both detect something more serious to the question, like the girl still wants reassurance that she’s doing this whole thing correctly. For that reason, Adena’s features soften, reaching for Kat’s hand and lacing their fingers together despite the weird angle they’re at.

“You’ve exceeded them.”

“Really?” Kat smiles big once more, and the expression is matched within a millisecond.

“Really.”

Both girls lean in at almost the same rate, though Kat seems a little more eager to connect their lips because, hell, knowing that she hasn’t messed things up too much just eases her mind further. She knows that, sure, maybe she shouldn’t believe that she’s fucked up at all ━ at least not enough to drive Adena away ━ but there’s always that lingering worry that she’ll lose a sense of who she’s become and she’ll revert back to the Kat who couldn’t stand commitment. Knowing that Adena has taken her quirks stride by stride is beyond reassuring and comforting, like a certain puzzle piece has been found after years of not even bothering to search for it. Perhaps that cliché saying is true: you’ll find what you’ve been searching for once you finally stop and let it come to you on its own.

She smiles into the kiss, laughing partly when Adena begins to back up with an inquisitive look in her eyes, but, instead of being overly cheesy and letting her girlfriend in on what she’s actually been thinking about, Kat evokes a new memory with a teasing, childish reminder:

“Does this mean our real, first official date was us putting vibrators together?”

[shand000]

Another Kadenalysis

TBT invented character development.

The renewal news has sparked something in me that has me thinking about The Bold Type a lot now that I know that all of my theories and thoughts on the characters aren’t in vain. I have 2 more years to come up with more stuff to spout so let’s get to it, shall we? 

Ok. Can I just talk about how much Kat grew over the course of 10 episodes? And I’m honestly only going to talk about  the growth over 3.5 of them. Because I want to point out that in episode 5, she had a goddamn near panic attack over the fact that Adena had the audacity to refer to them as an 'US', indicating that she wanted a relationship. Like this heaux had a legit meltdown over the course of a day and a half. Here is my random commentary on the matter lol.

So, I swear when Adena stormed in like:

I was deadass sitting on the edge of the couch like "Please Kat, EXPLAIN YOURSELF BECAUSE MY ASS IS FLUMMOXED AS WELL. WTF R U DOIN SIS?!" She was a mess. She was spiraling out of control at the mere notion that Adena wanted something more than a casual hook up partner, something that Kat was familiar and comfortable with. Kat felt that things were getting too deep, too fast, and jumped ship, seemingly sabotaging any hopes of being with Adena long term since Adena decides to go to Paris.

BUT

Episode 8 rolls around. Kadena is tryna do the whole 'let's be friends' thing and they're honestly doing a pretty good job! They have great, consistent communication, they're mutually supportive, they allow each other to vent about their frustrations. And based on Adena's reaction to Kat simply saying "It made me miss you." after her failed date, they were probably keeping things on some super G-rated, platonic shit. I mean, Kat was under the impression that Adena was still dealing with Coco until she came out and asked about their status. This tells me two things.

1. Kat and Adena haven’t been discussing the Coco situation. Meaning Coco was most likely a non-factor. Prolly something Adena realized soon after getting to Paris. Prolly something Adena didn’t want to bring up as to keep Kadena interactions friendly and to not imply that she’s ‘single and ready to mingle’ out of fear of disrupting the nice little dynamic she and Kat had developed. I mean, she didn’t offer to make the leap to return to NY until Kat confirms that she 100 % wants Adena romantically, none of this in denial buddy buddy bs, and would be with her if she could. Which brings me to my next point:

2. Kat has finally given up this facade that she’s okay with the way things are going between her and Adena. She keeps telling Jane and Sutton that she’s just trying to be a friend to Adena, meanwhile, she’s realizing that things that used to make her happy just don’t cut it anymore. Lay off rumors have her genuinely thinking that her current life where all she has are her job and her two best friends may not be fulfilling enough. She’s craving something she's probably never even considered if we are to believe that she’s being honest about her past proclivities to just smash and pass with no real feelings attached. She wants Adena and she’s finally ready to put herself out there again and admit it. (SN: Look at our baby waiting to confirm that Adena really is single before she slides in with the "I may or may not have thought about flying to be with ya due to all this lay-off drama ;)" Episode 5 Kat was lowkey content with being a side piece lmao. Well, I actually have thoughts on her pursuing Adena knowing Coco was in the picture and seemingly not giving a damn, but I'll save that for another time.)

ANYWAYS, back to the 'post-failed date' FaceTime convo. Kat hit Adena with the "I saw our violinist." OUR violinist. Kat has officially regarded something as belonging to her and Adena. Fuck an 'our song', Kadena is outchea staking claim over entire musicians. Every song he plays is their goddamn song from now and on, it is law. Do you know how big that is for someone like Kat? She had come so far from 'Us? I don't know her.' And she STILL had more sappy shit to give us.

Episode 9 was a gold mine of Kadena content and I could honestly go on and on about various things, but I'll stick to the topic I came here for. Kat was doing everything in her power to show that she considered her and Adena to be a unit. Adena calls her and she excitedly tells her "I made US reservations." The very word that scared her a couple months ago rolls off her tongue freely now. When she was rightfully freaking out after the phone call, she didn't hesitate to buy an $11000 ticket just to go check on Adena. Because if Adena isn't okay, Kat isn't okay. She considers them a package deal now. When she gets to the airport, she is reassuring Adena, saying stuff like 'WE'LL get you a crazy amazing lawyer." and "WE'LL figure it out." and "I'm here. I'm in this WITH YOU." Like. *Swoons* When they're sitting by the giant windows, she's making it a point to stay connected via their hands because when she went to check her text messages, she makes sure to switch hands so that she can still remain in physical contact with Adena. She lets Adena know that she doesn't want to be on her phone because she wants to share the moment with her. The social media director herself was opting to stare out at the night sky and watch planes take off just for the sake of having an activity that she and Adena can do together. Seriously. The scene opens up with a wide view of the two of them chilling by the windows, showing us that Kat’s content just sitting there in silence. Holding hands. And she was so worried before that she’d screw this whole intimacy thing up. And to top it all off, in the pillow fort, Kat suggests that she leave the country so that she and Adena can be together. Which is a fucking huge thing that our baby girl is considering. Kat ‘This is why I like one night stands and flings; it’s passion but no expectations’ Edison is damnea ready to travel around the world with Adena for an indefinite amount of time here. One night stand my ass.

And I know. I know she wasn't really thinking things through (hence the "I don't feel like being logical right now." line from later on) but her gut feeling at that time was to do whatever it would take to ensure that she can be with Adena. And the most immediate way to do that would be to ditch her job, her friends and her entire life in the US to follow Adena across the globe for the sake of being with her bb. She literally says she wouldn't care if she realized she'd lost everything upon return, she just wants Adena (Boy, do I have thoughts on thattt shit too). And although she probably didn't really mean it, the fact that she ultimately decided to up and go to Peru-albeit, far more prepared than when she wanted to leave the first time-for however long (we, fortunately, get to find out now that this wonderful show has been renewed!) lets me know that Kat Edison was deadass serious when she said:

Kat 'relationships just aren’t my thing' Edison is moving mountains (shittt, and climbing them, too) to make sure that she and Adena can be together. She's using so much inclusive language now when before, she scoffed at the mere concept of being serious with Adena. If that's not love, then what is? I haven’t seen this type of stark 180 since Santana on Glee (such an unfortunate, yet thrilling era to experience lmao. TBT really is spoiling me.) Anyways, The Bold Type is raising the bar for character development. And it’s doing so in such a masterful way that it doesn’t feel forced or rushed in spite of having a 10 episode season. I live.

[clairesighs]

Queen of Uncertainty

Here is the promised Kadena fic for @adena-el-haught

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11625432 or read under the cut

I’m happy to write fics for people to help them stop procrastinating! If you’re on tumblr and should be studying - give me a Kadena prompt and I’ll start writing it once you’ve done some study.

It had been two days since the kiss and Kat was trying so hard not to rush into things. Adena still had to sort out all her Coco issues and Kat was not going to get into a relationship with someone who hadn't fully broken up with their girlfriend yet. They'd had one of the best kisses Kat had ever had only to find out that Adena hadn't really talked to Coco about how they were going to deal with their long distance situation. One second they were passionately kissing outside Adena's apartment and Adena's arm was on her lower back, then in her hair and cupping her face and the next they were standing looking at each other, unsure what to do next.

Kat was usually the casual one, never getting too close to people in case of this very situation. She wasn't ready to get so invested in something and have it be ripped away before it had a chance to get started. Adena had thrown her into a haze of soft lips and longing looks and Kat was finding it too damn hard to get any work done. All she wanted to do was see Adena and continue where they left off. Because where they left off was a very nice place to be. Except she was stuck at work with a whole new social media campaign to plan and she kept day-dreaming about Adena arriving at the office and pulling her into the fashion closet, against the door and...

Kat was interrupted by Jacqueline, "Kat? Are you okay?"

She looked concerned. Kat jumped, "Oh I'm fine. Just thinking real hard about the best hashtag for this piece."

Her boss nodded slyly at her. She always seemed to read Kat's mind, "Oh ok. I'm expecting a spectacular hashtag with that look of concentration."

Kat rolled her shoulders back, "Of course. I'm thinking something along the lines of hashtag clintongoesscarlet." Jacqueline winced. Kat mentally kicked herself.

She shouldn't have opened her mouth if she was so unprepared, "Maybe that needs some work," she admitted. Jacqueline repeated her question from earlier, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm great. Just juggling a few balls. Don't worry. I've got this."

"I've got no qualms about that. But get on it a little quicker. Our first interview with Hillary Clinton needs to be big. We want this out by 6 am tomorrow."

"It'll be ready," Kat assured her. Jacqueline nodded and walked away from Kat's desk, before suddenly turning around, "How did things go with Adena?"

Kat choked, "I'm sorry?"

"Did you work things out with her about the police situation?"

"Um yeah," she said. God, it's not like her boss knew about the other situation.

"Good. She seems to be really attached to you. You must have really impressed her when you convinced her to work with Scarlet. She sent me a letter commending your representation of our brand. She admitted to misjudging us. I'm glad you're our social media manager. There's no one else I'd want in charge of putting out our feminist branding," Jacqueline smiled before turning and addressing another staffer.

Adena had written a letter to Jacqueline. A letter to her boss praising her. Kat wondered when she had written it. Was it before or after the kiss? Before or after she punched that asshole on the street? Before or after the art gallery where Kat had first discovered Coco. God, she was so messed up about the whole situation. She wished things were simple and she could just jump straight into the easy bit of a relationship. Like Jane and Sutton. They seemed to find relationships so easy. Why was she overthinking this? She was never the over-thinker before. She knew what she wanted and she always got it. But what if this time she couldn't have what she wanted. What if that fantastic kiss was the only kiss she'd get with Adena.

The only thing she knew for sure was that she was not getting any work done with the Adena mess still tangling in her brain. She needed to sort it out before she could return to being Kat, Scarlet's Superwoman. Because she was every bit that woman. On any other day. She got up from her desk, chucking her phone in her back pocket and walked confidently over to Jane's desk. She pulled on the woman's arm, dragging her silently behind her until they reached Sutton's new desk in the fashion department. Sutton looked up at them and the tight grip Kat had on Jane's wrist and rose from her seat, concerned.

"Fashion closet. Now," Kat said, letting go of Jane's arm and walking quickly to the room in the centre of the office. Once they'd managed to shoo everyone else out of the room, Sutton started.

"What is going on?" She asked exasperatedly.

"I need help," Kat said simply.

"With what?" Jane asked, "You know I love you, but I've got to double check Alex's interview with Hillary Clinton," she said highlighting the name as if Kat didn't already know the importance of Scarlet's latest piece.

"I know, I know. This will be quick. I just... I need you guys' advice on what I should do about Adena. I...I can't... I can't think or do anything right now. I'm a mess!" She said loudly, "I can't stop thinking about her. I just, I just need it to be ok."

Sutton and Jane looked at each other and back at Kat sympathetically. Sutton reached out sympathetically for Kat's shoulder, "Kat. It's going to be fine. You're just in the messy bit right now. For all you know, she's talked to Coco and broken up with her already. Maybe you just need to show up for her. Show her that you'll be there."

"And what if it doesn't work out. What if I've broken up a two-year relationship and then I chicken out like I always do and what if I'm not even queer. What if I just got confused for a hot minute?" Kat said, her voice shaking.

"Kat," Jane cut through sharply, "Look, we can't tell you for sure that it's going to work out. I mean, we're certainly not experts on sexuality or relationships. Hell, I hadn't even had an orgasm until a few days ago," Kat and Sutton laughed, "But I know that you've never been like this with anyone before. I think the fact that you can't stop thinking about her. That you fucking detailed every second of that kiss to us, means something. You're Kat, the most courageous person we know. You're not afraid to get vulnerable and tell people what you really think. I don't think that has to change just because there's more uncertainty there. You're the queen of uncertainty. You make uncertain situations your bitch."

Kat laughed, "God, you guys are good at pep talks."

"We learnt from the best," Sutton said.

"Right, so..." Jane leant in expectantly.

"I need to go talk to Adena," Kat said definitively.

"That, you do," Sutton confirmed.

"Ok, I think I can do it," Kat nodded.

"Of course you can," said Jane, "and hopefully when you get back to the office in an hour you'll have a whole new kiss scene to describe."

"You think I'll only be an hour?" Kat said cheekily, looking over her shoulder as she walked out the door.

Kat arrived at Adena's studio, hoping that she'd be there. She had her favourite yellow blazer on and felt ready to get the girl. She'd even listened to her favourite music playlist on the Subway. She was ready.

She walked into the huge room and spotted her immediately. She was sitting at her desk editing pictures. She looked beautiful. She had one hand on her face, biting her lip with concentration. Her lipstick was a perfect dark red colour and Kat used all her energy not to picture the kiss again. She had a purpose, goddammit!

Adena looked up, surprised, "Kat."

"That's my name," she replied, smiling.

"I've been meaning to call you all day," Adena said. Kat walked towards the desk. Adena got up and walked toward Kat. Kat had a momentary pause of panic. Was she going in for a kiss or? A hug. Adena put her arms around Kat, squeezing tighter than their previous hugs. Kat couldn't help thinking how good she smelled.

The hug lasted just a second too long. Like neither was sure who was meant to talk first. Kat pulled out of the hug but she didn't pull away from Adena. She stood tall.

Kat pumped herself up, "I couldn't stop thinking about you. I was going to give you space to try and work out whatever you needed to work out with Coco. It's just...I'm finding that really hard to do right now."

Adena smiled, "I'm glad you came."

"I just couldn't stand the idea of letting this float away," Kat said, gesturing between them.

"Kat, I would never let you just 'float away'," Adena laughed.

"So...," Kat started

Adena interrupted her, "I talked to Coco."

"Oh, right, " Kat said, her heart beating fast. She had no idea what would come after that sentence.

"We agreed that things haven't really been working for a while and that we didn't want to pursue a long-distance relationship."

Kat didn't really know what she should do. It was exactly what she wanted, but she knew celebration was not the reaction to someone telling you they just had a break-up.

"How are you feeling?" Kat asked.

"Honestly? I'm feeling pretty relieved," she said. Kat reached for her hand, stroking her thumb.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she confirmed, looking into Kat's eyes, "It means, I won't feel guilty about this," she said, taking a small step closer to Kat. But Kat, anticipating her move, reached out for Adena's face and pulled her in this time. Their lips met and it was softer and slower than last time. Like they weren't afraid the moment was going to end and they could just enjoy each and every second. Adena like last time, moved her hand around Kat's waist, pulling her closer. And god, if this wasn't what life was about, then she didn't know anything.

Kat didn't know if she was bi or if maybe she just hadn't explored the options before. She was uncertain about a lot. She was the Queen of Uncertainty, but if this was what uncertainty felt like. She didn't mind one bit.

[reactingtosomething]

The Rare and Realistic Female Friendships of The Bold Type

The Setup: The Bold Type is a new show on Freeform (formerly ABC Family), and Miri is a tv addict with self control issues.

I never meant to fall in love with The Bold Type. We’re still in the thick of Peak TV, and part of my job is staying at least conversant on a wide range of tv. Plus I’m 26 and only sort of know what I’m doing with my life, so sometimes I really need to stress-watch 7 1/2 hours of Friends/Gilmore Girls/Grey’s Anatomy. Between the two, there’s not a lot of time to fall in love with something new.

But I truly loved Aisha Dee’s performance in Sweet/Vicious (RIP my favorite new show of last season), it seemed like fun, and the ad campaign was pretty effective, so obviously I was planning to at least watch the pilot.

And then I saw this bit of wisdom:

Kids, if you’re not following Caroline Framke on Twitter, you’re missing out.

That description sounds like about 8 different things I love, so that’s a great starting point. But what really gets me is what every decent creative writing professor will tell you is the note behind the note—it’s not that the setting is modernized or that the romantic relationships are a little less Straight and Narrow than their 2003 counterparts were (although YES #kadena). It’s that the core of the story has finally, finally gotten a makeover. This is a story about and (largely) for women that is actually about women and their genuine relationships to each other.

Wait a minute, you might say. 2000’s era romcoms were about women! Katherine Heigl played so many women who were type-a, had given up love for a (still conventionally feminine) career and wanted love but not from the bad boy with the secret hard of gold! All of those women were women.

And they totally talked to other women, right? ….Right? They had friends. Or at least self-absorbed sisters/employees. They definitely had ponytails and spoke to each other at some point. One was Judy Greer that one time.

Please note that I unabashedly love every single one of these movies. But that ^ is the best gif of two women speaking to each other I could find and let’s not pretend that that is ok.

What I’m trying to say is that The Bold Type is a goddamn breath of fresh air in a way we’ve been largely conditioned out of expecting: the women are friends with each other.

That is foundation the entire show rests upon. It’s far from the only thing going on—there’s romance, personal ambition, sex, socioeconomic differences, cyberbullying, immigration, and a LOT more—but the fact that Kat, Sutton, and Jane have each other to bounce off of and come back to informs it all.

When Jane (Katie Stevens) makes it out of the assistant pool, her friends are there to celebrate, not tear her down. 

When Sutton (Meghann Fahy) is unable to take a leap for her career because she doesn’t have enough financial security, her friends are her sounding boards, her cheerleaders, and her safety net.

I’M NOT STILL CRYING ABOUT THIS, IT’S FINE.

When Kat (Aisha Dee) is a little bit unreasonable (about her own cyber safety, about the realities of being a Muslim seeking a visa in this country, about workplace politics, etc.), her friends are secure enough in their relationship to call her out about it. And she (eventually) listens.

When Jane reveals that she’s never had an orgasm, her friends offer to help her figure it out AND remind her that there’s nothing wrong with her either way.

And when Kat is unsure of whether or not she’s unsure of her sexuality, she has her friends to talk to without fear.

I could have written volumes about Kat’s coming out, but many people have done so gorgeously already. I’ll content myself with this: Not only is Kat a queer woman of color, which is an intersection we see too rarely in media, she is also someone who began questioning her sexuality as an adult without having to be ashamed or made the butt of any jokes. The importance of characters like Kat cannot be overstated right now.

Why do female friendships matter so much?

Because they are a part of life that—like many parts of women’s lives—is so rarely shown in media. There has never been a period of my life when none of my core relationships were with other women. This is true for just about every woman I know, but it’s not true on most tv shows. Even a lot of “chic flick” movies and tv shows are predicated on a frenemy relationship. And even more often they’re about one woman and her dynamics with men. The women of The Bold Type have very important relationships with men (romantic and otherwise), but those are not their only relationships or even their most important ones.

Love interests will probably come and go—longform storytelling dies without conflict and change, and while The Bold Type seems delightfully committed to the primary sources of both being the characters’ jobs and ambitions, not every romantic relationship can last. Their jobs will evolve. I bet one or more of our protagonists will leave Scarlet, if only briefly. And I’m sure there will even be fights at some point. But at the end of the day (or the season), I’m confident that Jane, Sutton, and Kat will have each other to come back to.

And that means we will have them to come back to.

So plop down on your couch/bed/floor, Snapchat your girls, be kinda gay if that’s your thing.

Although I’m still hoping for a show to actually say the world bisexual with the kind of blind-but-jaded hope only a girl who moves to LA and still thinks “Hey, maybe it’ll rain” every time the sun isn’t literally staring her in the face can have.

The Bold Type is that rare show that comes out of the gate feeling fully formed AND holds onto that strong sense of identity. That fact, like everything else on the show, is rooted in the love Sutton, Jane, and Kat have for each other. That’s what makes it all work, and damn does it work.

There’s a lot more to be said about The Bold Type: about the subversion of the Dragon Lady older woman boss trope (Melora Hardin of The Office and Transparent plays Scarlet’s EIC), about how shockingly moving Aisha Dee’s performance during the Soul Cycle sequence is, about the importance of sexual autonomy and the fact that that can mean not having sex at all for some people, about Jane’s realization that we’re never as woke as we hoped we were but that doesn’t mean we can’t improve, about the use of confined physical spaces like the closet and the elevator to convey intimacy, and so much more.

Hopefully @writerininky113 and @whenlifegivesulemon will start watching soon and we’ll have a full Reaction. For now, you can watch The Bold Type on Freeform (Tuesdays, 9/8c) and Hulu.

Also the soundtrack is full of jams and I’ve been listening to the spotify playlist semi-constantly for the last 3 weeks.

[starchasertonight]

What if when kadena met Kat was out and Adena wasn't in the relationship.

i honestly meant to just ficlet this but then an accidental 2k word fic happened. so…there’s that. this is an AU.

—

“Remind me why we’re going to this art show thing, again?”Jane asks as they all turn the corner, approaching the Brooklyn gallery.

“’Cause Sutton’s hot hipster guy mentioned he’d be there.”

“Ok, can we please stop calling him hot hipster guy? He’snot that hipster, and his name isBrian.”

“But why exactly are wegoing?” Jane persists, gesturing between Kat and herself.

“So it doesn’t look like she’s going just for him. Suttonsaid she’d be there like she already had plans too,” Kat says with a laugh,nudging Sutton with her elbow.

“We’re not hipster Brooklyn people.”

“You are tonight!” Sutton says, flashing her best smile andJane rolls her eyes while Kat keeps laughing. “Please? For me?” she adds toJane.

“Bet there’s gonna besome artsy queer girls here. There always are at these things,” Kat muses outloud, and Sutton turns on her, eyes narrowed.

“I knew it! I knewthere was a reason you agreed to this so quickly!”

“What? So I’m multitasking,” she shrugs. “I can find ahottie to take home and be your wingwoman at the same time. It’s a win-win,babe.”

Jane’s the one laughing now while Sutton rolls her eyes, andthen they’re at the entrance to the gallery, walking up behind several otherpeople also making their way in.

“What happened with you and that guy?” Jane asks. “What washis name?”

“Daryn,” Sutton supplies.

“Yeah, Daryn.”

“He started sending me good morning texts,” Kat says,leading the way towards the small pop-up bar stationed in the corner.

She knows that Sutton and Jane are sharing a look behind herbut she ignores them, pulling her card out of her wallet.

“Yeah, hi, can I get a vodka cran, please?” she asks thebartender, and Sutton leans against the makeshift bar top beside her.

“Oh! There he is!” Sutton jumps, grasping her arm, and Janeturns her head around.

“Okay, so what do you want us to do?” Jane asks.

Brian looks up and there’s a clear moment where he andSutton make eye contact before she looks away, back to the two of them.

“Wait for him to come to us,” Sutton says, conspiring, andKat thanks the bartender for her drink.

“So what’s this show for?” Jane questions, looking around,and Kat follows suit.

It’s the first time since she walked in that she’s paid anyattention to the art on the walls. The show must be for multiple artists,because the pieces are split up in different sections of the gallery and arevery different from each other. Some are paintings, others photographs.

The pictures really catch her eye, even from a distance,because they’re striking portraits of people. She makes a mental note to maybecheck them out more later, once they successfully run into Brian.

Brian finally comes over with a friend (who unsuccessfullytries to hit on Jane) about ten minutes later, and then Sutton is gone,chatting and walking with him around the gallery. She and Jane share a subtlefist bump, across their cocktail table, and that’s when she notices a girl withside-shaved hair and a septum piercing not so subtly glancing at the two ofthem.

Jane notices too after a moment, giving Kat a look, and shegives a small shake of her head in return.

“I can already smell that she doesn’t wear deodorant, so that’sgonna be a hard no from me,” she whispers, matter of fact, and Jane holds theback of her hand to her mouth to hide her laugh.  

A woman starts speaking from a microphone, diverting theirattention, and thanks people for coming, explaining the show and introducing theartists.

“…and last, but certainly not least, Adena El-Amin.”

Several people cheerand clap as a woman wearing a flowy red top, hair wrapped and covered, smilesin acknowledgment at the crowd in the room and hugs the woman holding the mic.

Kat can tell even from her spot by the bar that the artistis beautiful, and she doesn’t even realize that her head is tilted, biting herlip and staring after her, until Jane elbows her.

“No way.”

“What?” she questions, feigning innocence.

“There’s no way you’re getting her to go home with you,”Jane says, and she scoffs.

“Is that a bet?” she answers, competitiveness kicking in,and Jane groans.

“What are the odds that she’s even into women?”

Kat watches Adena, the way she greets people, the way sheinteracts with the women around her, and she’s already getting some vibes.

“Mm, fifty percent, at least,” she hums, thoughtful.

“Wow, ok. Didn’t mean that as a literal question. How do youeven…”

She sets her empty drink down on the high table, doesn’t letJane finish her question before cutting in with—

“Wish me luck, tiny Jane.”

She walks away toward the artist before Jane can stop her.

She decides to go look at Adena’s art first, so she hassomething to talk about, something to open with. And it’s only after staringfor several minutes at the gorgeous portraits of people from mosques throughoutthe city that she makes her way over to the photographer.

She’s exactly as pretty close-up as Kat thought she’d be,and there’s a brief moment of butterflies in her stomach. Because yeah, she’sgood at this and she knows she’s hot, but this woman is gorgeous and apparentlyalso talented as fuck. But Jane is gonna give her such a hard time if shedoesn’t follow through after acting so confident, so there’s no backing downnow.

“Hi,” she says, as soon as the person talking to Adena turnsaway. “I’m Kat,” she continues, extending her hand, and Adena reaches out toshake it. “Your photographs are so beautiful, I had to meet you.”

The artist smiles back with warm brown eyes, and her hand issoft against Kat’s before she drops it.

“Thank you, Kat. And thank you for coming over to introduceyourself. I always enjoy meeting new people at shows.”

“Of course,” she answers, giving her best relaxed smile.“And I love those earrings, they’re gorgeous on you.”

She sneaks in the initial compliment, subtly flirtatiousenough that a straight girl wouldn’t think anything of it. But then Adena picksup on it, gives her a slow smile in response, blinking up at her, and bingo.

Adena doesn’t blush though, doesn’t show any sign ofbashfulness. Instead she just smiles, arms crossed against her chest when she surveys Kat with curiosity and answers—

“What brought you here tonight?”

“My friend’s trying to impress this guy she met on tinder,and I was her wingwoman,” she says, deciding for honesty, and Adena gives asurprised laugh. “Tell me more about this project,” Kat smiles, inclining herhead towards Adena’s photographs.

She knows that artist types love to talk about their work,that it’s the best way to keep conversation going with Adena right now, andsure enough Adena’s face lights up, answering her.

Here’s the thing, though, that she doesn’t see coming—

Adena? Is actually an incredible person to listen to. Andthe more she talks about her work, answering Kat’s follow-up questions, themore she’s genuinely interested in it all.

Adena talks about both the love and the tension that shefeels in places of worship, the conversations that led to these pictures, andKat is absolutely enamored with her. The more that the conversation unfolds,the more unsure of herself she feels, like she’s been thrown off her gamecompletely.

This wasn’t how this conversation was supposed to go.

“Listen, Kat, there are some other people here that I needto speak with, to thank,” Adena explains, and she wonders how long they’ve beentalking. “But I would very much like to continue our conversation. Do you havetime, after the show? It will probably be another hour or so before I’mfinished. If not, I understand. I know it’s getting late.”

Kat smiles at her, more bashful than earlier, and nods.

“I’d like that. I’ll hang around, come find me when you’reready.”

They end up at a late night café, a couple blocks down, andthey’ve been talking for nearly forty-five minutes when Kat pauses, shaking herhead.

“You know, I honestly had no idea we’d end up talking likethis, when I walked up to you,” she admits, a little unnerved by how quicklythis has become something like a date.

“Oh?” Adena asks, curious and chin resting in her hand.

“No, I just thought you were really attractive,” Kat laughs,opting for honesty, and Adena smiles at her.

Her face is more contemplative than anything else, gaugingKat’s reaction, when she says, “You should know that I’m not one for hook-ups.”

“I already figured that out,” she says, and Adena quirks hereyebrow. “I’ve given you like, at least two clear openings to leave this caféwith me that you swerved.”

Adena laughs and then bites her lip, looking in to Kat’seyes, and god she’s so pretty thatKat just really wants to kiss her.

“So…what now?”

Adena asks it like she means it, like she’s truly open to possibilityfor whatever’s unfolding between them, and there’s something so disarming aboutit all.

Her phone screen lights up with another text from Jane outof the corner of her eye, also revealing the time and how late it is.

“Now…” she hums, holding Adena’s hand where it’s resting ontheir little table and giving her a flirtatious look. “Now I give you my number,and… I leave because I have an 8 AM meeting tomorrow. Aaand, you text me if youwant to see me again.”

Adena looks into her eyes, making Kat swallow, then gives alittle quirk of her lips and reaches in her bag for her phone.

“Okay.”

Kat doesn’t think about what this means right now, the implicationsof it all. Because she doesn’t date. She doesn’t.

But this felt suspiciously like an impromptu date, and she’ssad that it’s over, and she’s already hoping that Adena follows through andtexts her.

This doesn’t happen to her. Ever.

She knows she’s gonna have to talk to Jane and Sutton aboutit, and she’s already dreading their overdramatic excitement.

Adena gives Kat her number too, and then they’re standingoutside of the café together. It feels weird, leaving like this. Do they justsay bye and start walking in opposite directions? Do they hug?

Kat really wants to kiss her, and in any other situation theclear signs would be there for her to just go for it.

Adena holds her armsout for a hug and Kat follows her lead, sinking into her embrace. She feelswarmth spread through her body at the intimate contact, at how good she feelseven just like this. And when Adena starts to pull back, Kat looks into hereyes, decides to go for it and whispers—

“Can I kiss you?”

She honestly doesn’t know what the answer is going to be.But then Adena is nodding, coy smile on her face when she leans in and Katbrings their lips together, cupping her face.

She feels her whole body react, because Adena kisses hermore deeply than she expects, mouth relaxed as their lips glide together, andKat grasps her waist. And then, just as she’s starting to get lost in the kiss,hands wandering her back, Adena pulls away, smiling and blinking up at herbefore she takes a step back.

“You don’t play fair,” Kat says, trying not to whine, andAdena’s eyes are sparkling when she gives her a knowing smile.

“Goodnight, Kat.”

“G’night, Adena.”

She’s still standing there, dazed from the kiss, when Adena smiles and walks away.

[lesbianrabbithole]

Kadena AU Ficlet: Adena and Kat meet when Adena starts working as a photographer for Scarlet and Kat is still an assistant. Part II You can read the other ficlet set in this AU Universe here

Kat and Adena were busy setting up the set for the winter collection photo shoot when Kat noticed the white speckles covering the windows. She smiled, not because snow was something she particularly liked, but because it fit the scene she was recreating inside the studio with the help of cardboard cut-outs and fake snow.

She looked at Adena setting up her camera a few steps away. The pink hijab stood up against the pale winter afternoon; her skin glowed with the cold light of the photography lamps, and the blue robe she was wearing seemed to float around her with every movement. An ethereal goddess entrancing Kat with no effort.

Kat lost herself in the moment, obligations forgotten because of the beauty in front of her. She would had been happy standing there, looking at Adena, but the soft rumble in her pocket, and the increased notes of a cell phone ringtone, snapped her out of it.

“Ok, yeah. I understand.You sure there’s nothing you can do?”

Kat’s worried tone caught Adena’s attention, their eyes meeting across the room. “We will figure something out. Thanks for letting me know.”

Even after hanging up, Kat stood in the same place, eyes fixated on the phone screen. As if willing the device to ring again with a solution to the situation she found herself in. Too distracted to hear Adena walking towards her, the graze of Adena’s hand on her back shocked her, even more than usual.

“It’s everything ok? Do you need to go? I can finish here alone if something came up.” Kat smiled at the photographer's consideration, fidgeting with her phone in an attempt to prevent getting lost in the soft curve of Adena’s mouth.

“No, I’m fine. But there’s an issue.”

Adena’s unwavering eyes invited her to keep talking.  

“The storm is worse than it seems. Roads are getting closed. The models won’t be able to get here today for the shoot and they are fully booked so if we don’t do it today they can’t squeeze us in their schedule for another two weeks.”

A small crease appears on Adena’s forehead. The photographer bites her lip before saying out loud what both of them already know.

“That’s too late.”

“Believe me, I know. Jacqueline has been freaking out about how delayed we are already. first the clothes didn’t came in on time and now this. It’s like this photo shoot is jinxed”

Adena can’t help but smile at Kat’s dramatics. The way her voice goes up with every word and how her arms start moving wildly when she gets stressed. “It is not ideal but I wouldn’t call it jinxed. Actually, I think it may be the opposite.”

At Kat’s incredulous look she continued. “This just means I have to get creative. And there’s nothing more exciting for an artist than getting creative.”

Kat swears every word out of Adena’s mouth sounds sexy. It’s like there’s always a seductive undertone Kat can feel but not understand. There should be nothing sexy about saying the word creative, unless it was Adena saying it. Or at least Kat thought so. “Oh yeah? and what is an artist going to do with a room full of clothes and no model? Take pictures of the new collection hanging on the rack?”

“Weeeell” stars Adena, the way she drags the word giving Kat thoughts she really shouldn’t have. The smirk and the up and down look Adena gives her before speaking again, don’t help either.

“First we need to get you out of those clothes.”

Kat can feel the heat rising in her face, in her whole body if she is honest. And she is close to giving up on trying to sound cool, it never works with Adena, Anyway. To her embarrassment, and for the amusement of her friends, Kat always ends up fumbling and making a fool of herself in front of Adena. She tries anyways. “Excuse me? buy me dinner first at least.”

It almost sounds like a joke. Maybe with anyone else it would have worked. But Adena always notices more and Kat knows she felt the slightly panicked vibe Kat has radiating.

She hears Adena say “It’s not a come on” and she can’t help but feel sad. Despite the panic, Kat wouldn’t mind if Adena was indeed hitting on her. Kat was scared of this massive crush she was developing, but Adena being always collected and unaffected around her was worse.  

“We have the clothes, we have the photographer, we only need a model. And I have a really attractive woman standing in front of me that can perfectly do the job.”

Kat wanted to say no. She really did. The idea of appearing on Scarlet, as a model, just seemed ridiculous. But she said yes. Maybe it was the fact Adena called her attractive, maybe it was really commitment to her job and helping the magazine.

Most likely, it was because the way Adena looked at her from behind the camera made her feel special. She knew Adena photographed people all the time, but the way Adena looked at her through the camera lens made Kat felt connected to Adena in an intimate way she knew not everyone was lucky enough to experience.

[starchasertonight]

Jalil and Kat’s saturday morning traditions

This ficlet is a part of my kadena family verse. For other ficlets in this verse, click here   

—

Adena is standing beside her in the kitchen, finishing upher mug of tea and cuddling into her before she has to leave for a long Saturdayat the gallery. Her wife sets the mug down on the counter, turning her face intoKat’s neck, and Kat holds her in a hug.

“I love you. The show’s gonna be great tonight.”

Adena hums, nodding, and Kat kisses her head, lips pressedto the soft cotton of her hijab.

“I love you too.”

Her chin in tucked against the side of Adena’s head whenJalil rounds the corner, still in his pajamas, and points to the large kitchenwindow with a huge grin.

“Mom, d’you see how windy it is today?”

Adena pulls back, still in Kat’s loose grip, and turns tolook at their son with a smile on her face. Kat glances out the window, sees acouple trees swaying in the distance, then nods, wiggling her eyebrows at him.

“You thinkin what I’m thinkin?”

Jalil nods, bouncing on his toes.

“I’ll go get Charlie!” he exclaims, racing back to his room.

“Don’t forget to change into real clothes first, dude!” shecalls after him, hears his sarcastic “duh”from around the corner.

“Charlie?” Adena questions, looking up at her in confusion,and Kat laughs.

“The kite he got for his birthday, he named it Charlie,” Kattells her, and Adena shakes her head, smiling.

“Dare I ask why?”

“It’s short for Charlie Parker.”

Adena tilts her head at her, and she’s about to explain when—

“The jazz musician?”

Her voice is full of confusion, which is understandable, butalso, “You know who Charlie Parker is? ‘Cause I definitely had to ask. He’sbeen spending too much time with Ty.”

Adena laughs and reaches for her purse, knows that she’ll berunning late if she doesn’t leave soon.

“There was an amazing photography exhibit on the HarlemRenaissance, a few years back. That’s how I know the name. But the kite…” shetrails off, trying to make the connection, and Kat smiles.

“Apparently Charlie Parker’s nickname was Bird.”

Adena shakes her head, moving toward the front door. “That’s…”

“Weirdly clever? I know,” Kat finishes, and Adena is stillsmiling when she leans in to give Kat a kiss goodbye.

“Have fun at the park today,” she murmurs, and Kat nods intoher forehead.

“Always.”

“Bye, Jalil! I love you! See you tonight!” Adena calls out,loud enough for him to hear.

There’s a muffled, “Bye, maman!”a couple seconds later, and then Adena kisses her one last time before she’sout the door.

She’s barely made it back to the kitchen to grab a secondcup of coffee when her eight-year old rounds the corner again, fully dressedand holding the large bird kite in his arm.

“You’re not even dressed yet,” he huffs, and Kat leans onthe counter, takes a leisurely sip of her coffee.

“It’s been like…seven seconds. I was talking to maman. Plus, you still need to eatbreakfast.”

She hears him say, “waymore than seven seconds,” under his breath, but he carefully sets Charlieon the ground and then plops down in a chair at the kitchen table with a sigh.

“So good. We gottasign you up for drama club. This is some pure talent, right here,” she grins,and Jalil rolls his eyes at her.

It’s a sunny Spring morning when they make it to the park,chilly wind whipping through the air, and Kat stares up at the blue sky, looksaround at the clearing of grass that they’ve found.

“What do ya think, J? Right here should be good, yeah?”

He holds the kite tight to his body, careful not to let itget swept away from him, and nods back at her.

“Yeah, I think so.”

It takes a couple attempts to get the kite to catch the windproperly and really lift off, but J’s much better at it now than when he firstgot the kite. He hardly needs her help anymore to get it going.

Jalil holds the spool of string with such focus and Katstands a few feet to his left, watching him with fondness. Charlie is high inthe sky now, bright colors trailing in the wind, and a few other scatteredpark-goers glance up at the kite with smiles.

She’s about to ask him about school, about his friends,maybe about what his Uncle Ty’s been teaching him, but then Jalil speaks first,staring up at Charlie when he says—

“Mom, do you think I’m a faggot?”

The question startles her and she nearly drops her thermosof coffee, clutching it between her hands and staring at her son. J glances ather, eyeing her reaction, before he returns his focus to the kite.

“Wh- …J, did someone at school call you that?”

He nods up at the sky instead of at her, steers the stringof the kite when a particularly strong gust of wind hits.

“I know it’s a mean word. For boys who like each other,”Jalil says, and Kat listens intently, trying to figure out where this is going.“But, I don’t think he meant it that way. I think…he called me that becausesome of my friends are girls, and I like hanging out with them too. So,” heturns to her again, holding the kite steady. “Does that mean I’m a faggot?”

“Because you like hanging out with girls too and not just theother boys?” Kat asks, to make sure she understands. She’s trying to quell heranger for Jalil’s sake, but it’s hard and she really wishes Adena were hereright now, to help steady her.

“Yeah.”

Kat takes a slow breath and stares up at the kite flying inthe wind.

“Well, first of all, let’s stop using that word, ok?” Jchews at his lip and nods. “But no, I don’t think you’re… a sissy? Maybe that’sthe right word, for what he meant?” Kat says it like a question, searchingJalil’s face to see if that’s what he’s getting at, and he nods again. “Buteven that’s like…” she pauses, frustrated and trying to find the right words. “Basicallysaying stuff that girls like isn’t good, and that it’s bad for you to like someof those things.”

She breathes in the fresh air, blinks at the clear blue skyand tries to think of how to explain this to him.

“Maman and I, we’veraised you to let you be whoever you want to be, as long as it doesn’t hurtother people,” she says. “To like whatever and whoever you like. But some kidsdon’t have that, boys especially. They think boys are only allowed to likecertain things. But that’s not true.”

“Yeah, that’s really dumb,” J says, tone matter of fact, andKat smiles at him.

“Super dumb,” Kat agrees. “So this kid who called you that…to him it seems like you’re breaking the rules, for what boys are allowed todo. And it makes him uncomfortable…maybe even a little jealous. Does that makesense?”

Jalil looks at her, with those eyes that never fail toremind her of Adena, and gives her a small smile.

“He doesn’t know the rules are fake.”

Kat nudges his shoulder affectionately, reaches out toruffle his curly hair.

“Exactly.”

“I think Uncle Ty knows, that the rules are fake,” Jconsiders, and damn if he’s not the most perceptive kid.

Because he gets it, in his own kid language.

“Totally,” she smiles in agreement. “And look, Aunt Suttonloves him for it.”

She can tell that Jalil is thinking hard, is processingeverything that she’s said to him, and she hopes that it helps, that he’s ableto keep his confidence in what he enjoys.

“Thanks. Can you steer for a minute? I need somewater,” Jalil says, holding out the kite handle to her, and she smiles.

“Sure.”

“Don’t crash him,” he warns, absolutely serious, and Katpresses her lips together to keep from laughing.

“It was one time, J.It won’t happen again, I promise.”

[starchasertonight]

I enjoyed your response to the question about kadena and sex toys and was wondering if ur comfortable talking more abt what their sex life would be like? like how often do they do it, who's more loud/vocal, is there dirty talk, what are their favorite things to do to each other etc.

Ok so I’m not going to answer this in full because I have alot of thoughts on this and I don’t feel like typing it all out. But here aresome of my thoughts—

Kat and Adena’s sex life is a journey. As I think any goodhealthy long-term sex life is. But what I mean by this is Kat learns about andexplores her own desires and what she enjoys a lot more once she’s having sexwith Adena. It’s a process.

When sex isn’t just about trying to make sure she has anorgasm (because Adena always gets her off if Kat wants to get off), it createsroom to figure out what she really likes. And with time she figures out thatshe really likes getting Adena off, likes taking care of her. A lot of what shegets off on is getting Adena off, and control.

Adena seeks emotional connection in sex. The most fulfillingsex for her is intimate emotionally-connected sex where she feels taken care ofand feels like she can let go. She gets off on Kat’s desire for her and elementsthat feels more submissive (penetration, moving with how Kat guides her,following directions, etc)

This is what I mean when I say Kat is a top and Adena is abottom. It’s not about position (though position can be a factor) and it’s notabout who initiates. It’s about a really complimentary dynamic of what theyfind most satisfying.

So, Adena likes penetration. She likes when Kat guides her withher hands when she gives head. She likes looking into Kat’s eyes when shecomes. She likes when Kat kisses her and says “god, I’ve been thinking aboutyou all day” and steers them to the bedroom. She likes making Kat flusteredwith sexy lingerie. She likes when Kat is on top of her. She likes when Katholds her after and kisses her for a long time.

Kat likes fucking Adena, how she reacts to her touch and herwords. She likes when she feels Adena relax and hand over trust and control.She likes getting head. She likes when Adena is vocal. She likes making Adenafeel safe and cared for. She likes when Adena is in a certain mood every sooften and gets raunchier and more submissive. She likes wearing the strap-on.

It takes them some time to realize all these things witheach other (though Adena was more aware of her own preferences before Kat), andto find their best rhythm. But they’re super compatible in bed, and they have agood sex life.

Feel free to disagree, I’m sure other people have other opinions. But those are my thoughts.