#i mean obviously they were renewed but they didnt HAVE to take it

[charmac]

Via the WGA website, it looks like ahead of the S17 writer's room Rob has confirmed Season 18 is going forward as well :)

[big-meows]

ty @bobtheacorn for the tag!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

25 written/cowritten, 1 I provided illustrations for

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

161,862 give or take! I subtracted the contents of This is How We Grow by @partly-cloudyskies which I only drew for, but not the self indulgent OC project cowritten with @jofngve, even though they did most of the writing

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently: Twisted Wonderland; Historically: Ducktales, Infinity Train, Luca, Outer Wilds, Trolls World Tour, Zelda, Vtubers. Some of those are only one-offs because I said the thing I needed to say and moved on.

4. Top five fics by kudos?

God Only Knows (Luca) @ 1380

Something to do with my hands (Infinity Train) @ 945

Anthem for the Motel Tamarack (Infinity Train) @ 550

Albireo (Infinity Train) @ 526

Stand By Me (Ducktales) @ 488

Wild to me that the rymin series is so far up there? I was not in IF fandom for very long before the community soured and I bailed BUT I shant complain, those were good boys and I liked the time I spent with them (HASHTAG RENEW INFINITY TRAIN)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try. Like, especially if someone took the time to write a lot, I try to engage to at least say thank you, because it makes ME really happy when an author responds to MY comments (and assures me I didnt just stick my foot in my mouth or overstep a line or something lol) I have a lot of anxiety about leaving comments because I followed a writer in the Zootopia fandom who was REALLY vocal about how she hated certain comments or commentary, typo corrections or "I've never read this kind of au BUT..." comments and I got REAL in my head about comment etiquette for a LONG time. BUT! Comments and feedback are so vital to me so I try to comment and respond to comments so everyone feels seen and maybe we can make a connection? My Luca fandom friend group is still going strong because we were so incredibly aggressive about supporting one another.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

The Apex of a Bad Decision. It's a canon-compliant Outer Wilds, fic, so. :,)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of the rest of them! I'm squishy!!! But I think the most obviously and deliberately triumphant one is God Only Knows.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I don't think I've gotten hate on a fic since I posted Wilbur Robinson self-cest to Livejournal in 2007, when WHY IS THIS GAY was a common response to slashfic. I've gotten plenty of hate for having an online presence while shipping kids or teenagers, but not on the fic itself (that I can recall!)

9. Do you write smut?

Sure! Not often. It's always a character exploration and I know how that sounds but I promise its true! It's always about being open and vulnerable and baring souls and loving and taking care of someone who needs to be loved and taken care of. I don't think I've ever written genuinely horny smut, not that I'd know because I dont really get horny. People (antis) have this idea that everyone is writing smut with one hand down their pants and that we're "getting off" on it and are perhaps ignorant to the fact that sex is not inherently a base filthy thing, its emotional and vulnerable and full of feelings and teenagers have those feelings too and writing about teens having those feelings does not mean I am inherently jerking it to teenagers fucking. Im EMOTIONALLY jerking it to teenagers having BIG FEELINGS. that's different.

10. Craziest crossover?

I've never written a crossover! FUCK I forgot the mystery teens summer. There was a specific summer (*googles* August 2012!) when gravity falls was at it's peak and Paranorman had just come out and tumblr as a hivemind decided Norman Babcock, the Pines twins, Raz Aquato (Psychonauts) and some other kids from various supernatural media needed to meet and hang out, like a much briefer superwholock or rise of the frozen tangled dragons. the big ship at the time was Dipper/Norman. I mightve done a quick ficlet posted to tumblr in that time frame. When summer ended, the phenom ended abruptly exactly as if we had all left summer camp and gone back home.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nnnnot to my knowledge!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I've had plenty of requests! I don't know if they've ever finished/gone through with it, though. I'd be a hypocrite if i wasnt in favor of it, considering how much time I spend screenshotting jamikali doujin and feeding it through google translate lmao

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I didn't think I ever would, but the time jo and I spent doing OC stuff together was a delight, though tbf they did most of the heavy lifting. I don't know if I would do it again...I feel like the OC stuff worked because we built it from the ground up but idk if I could do a fandom thing the same way, what if we had slightly different opinions on a blorbo and I had to COMPROMISE? idk man

14. All time favourite ship?

ohhhhhhhh idk if i can answer that. Whatever I love in the moment is is my otp. The rest simmer on the backburner but whatever the mental illness deems is the priority is the only thing I could ever conceive of loving this much. I think Weblena might have done the most brain damage to me. I wrote the most fic for it, I made the most art for it, I was team weblena for more years than anything else, I endured the most shit for them without giving up. But at this exact moment in time I'm like "those were very nice girls and i loved them very much and I know they made me insane for literal years but surely they dont compare to the truly unhinged mania i feel for sexy anime schoolboy jafar and sexy anime schoolboy sultan of agrabah" (it is the same level of mania, actually)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

idek if i want to finish it but I had a few sunfish (iykyk) drafts kicking around that could have been good. Its a good ship imo and I wanted to get into the whole "I know I've kind of adopted you as my surrogate dad but what if that was a hasty decision and we kissed instead" angle but then I developed a severe case of cringe avoidance and I wont be doing anymore vtuber fic lol

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm told I do good at characterization which is a relief because when I write I feel like the first stage of any "galaxy brain" meme where I'm thinking in only two dimensions orz Also! Its very flattering but whenever I create an OC to fill a necessary role in a fic people really seem to enjoy them.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action... The boring but necessary filler that gets you from point a to point b.... I can only write in 2nd person and i know I KNOW everyone fucking hates it and people wont even TOUCH 2ndPOV but it flows so EASILY when i dont have to stop and juggle pronouns or even names!!! i feel more thoroughly seated in the POV character's head! it lubricates the process and sometimes I think i only ever get anything done ever because i write in 2ndPOV im sorry!!! Im sorry but I wont change!! its more important that I get the demons out than it is that you read my fic.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Sparingly and with Purpose! (<<Bob I'm stealing your answer) (i realize your name is not actually bob but I've been calling you bob in my head for years now sorry) I used italian vocab occasionally in Luca fic because it's used heavily in the movie to create a sense of unfamiliarity for the boys who were trying to integrate themselves into human society but didn't understand most things they encountered. It's soooooo bad when done wrong, though. I'll never shut up about the jamikali fic i opened that had Jamil call Kalim habibi in the first paragraph, I almost threw my phone across the room. Like first of all they don't do that in the source material, any arabic used is very clearly in the context of an "old/ancient language" that no one is speaking on the daily and second of all he would not fucking say that!!!!!

19. First fandom you wrote in?

The Sonic 2 fanfic i tried to write back in 1993 is between me and the lisa frank notebook kept under my bed. My first published-on-the-internet fic was the aforementioned Wilbur Robinson (Meet the Robinsons) self-cest. I went back to ff.net to see if it was still there and if I could rewrite it (it would rule in 2ndPOV actually) but..........its gone. Either it got purged or I purged it myself during the ducktales cyberbullying fiasco. First fandom of current era fic writing was Ducktales. (thank you ducktales for all youve done for me)

20. Favourite fic you've written?

God Only Knows is probably the best thing I've ever written, but picking apart the world building in Outer Wilds for Apex was really fun and rewarding and when I get feedback on it its always (crying emoji) (crying emoji) (sad face emoji) (skull emoji) which is ALSO fun and rewarding but in a totally different way.

tagging @jofngve @partly-cloudyskies and uhhhh anyone else if they wanna!

[jentlemahae]

I mean we’ve been saying this whole time that everything surrounding you and me so far is so obviously Jennie’s idea and not YG’s and it’s so laughable that the one area that Jennie didn’t do herself - the merch - has been the shittiest part. This merch collection is literally something I could make myself by taking the picture into a print shop and I could probably get it for half the price YG is selling it for too. I can’t believe Jennie managed to get THE Naoko Takeuchi to draw something for her only for YG to create something this mid with it. It’s possibly the worst blackpink merch I have ever seen. I don’t think we’re being dramatic about it either because, just like anon said, this so perfectly encapsulates YG’s repeated and consistent incompetence and lack of creativity and effort. I too thought the you and me rollout was a step in the right direction which made me more hopeful and less hesitant about the idea of the pinks renewing with YG but now… hmm… knetz are talking about how disappointed they are so hopefully they’ll see it and get better merch designers in the future but that might be wishful thinking.

exactly 😐 i honestly expected something cute for this collection so my expectations were admittedly way too high, but it would have never even imagined it would be THIS bad ? like it’s honestly embarrassing cause bp are not some random broke nugu group, they’re the biggest gg of the moment for god’s sake, but that’s so not represented by this merch ? im just so disappointed, and i didnt think yg could disappoint me any more than usual …….

[rommahh]

Better

Word Count: 3.9K

Pairing: Buckybarnesxfem!reader

{This is for @metalbuckaroo's challenge. I had this brewing for a minute but college has got in a chokehold. I chose prompt #30 from the given prompt list. I hope y'all like this read. Love, R}

Bucky trailed behind Y/N as she ignored his calls. Her boots clicked loudly in the small hallway as she rushed towards their shared apartment. Her keys shook in her hand, body tense with anxiety and anger.

Bucky reached her at the door, his hands loosely gripping her arms. Y/N shoved the door open, her body snapping away from his. Y/N haphazardly throws her keys in the small bowl that sat on the hallway side table.

Her chest heaved with deep breaths as she tried to remain calm.

“Y/N please, what is going on? Why are you so mad?” Bucky questioned, slamming the door behind him as his own frustrations started to catch up with him.

“I'm going to bed.” Is all she said to him without even meeting his eyes. She was quick to enter her room and lock the door before he could say anymore. Bucky stood behind her door in confusion. His body still tingled with the lasting effects of the shots he took hours prior.

Sitting on your bed, Y/N finally released. Her shoulders dropped, her body hunching over itself as the tears started flowing.

Y/N had been looking for Bucky for what felt like hours. He was her ride back to the apartment and having been at this party for over four hours- she was exhausted. There was a twinge of disappointment that lingered in her caused by Bucky's disappearance. He invited her to this party tonight but quickly left her to her own devices the moment the both of them walked through the frat’s doors.

The house was mainly empty except for the few lingering bodies that were drunkenly wandering around. She climbed up the stairs that lead to a common room on the second floor. Y/N’s cute white go-go boots were tight on your feet, making her wince at every step. Fashion was a moment type thing, not a four hour long excursion.

Y/N heard a group of voices leading from the common room once you reached the top of the stairs. She listened out waiting to see if she could hear Bucky’s voice before walking through the doors of the common room.

“I don't know why you hang out with that girl Bucky.” Her ears perked at his name. Y/N almost walked through the door but she took a step back to listen to what they were saying.

“Yeah, shes fucking weird.” The group laughed. “I mean look at how she dressed tonight. She’s wearing a costume.”

Y/N looked down at her 80’s inspired dress with a frown. She thought she looked cute tonight, Bucky said she looked cute. She couldn't stop blushing after she heard his words.

“She’s a freak barnes. All she does is follow you around. Are you sure you guys aren't dating?” One of the boys asked with a chuckle. No one said her name yet but she knew they were talking about her. She could tell.

“Y/N’s not that bad. She just doesn't have any friends. I don't like her like that, not my type. She's got that weird anxiety thing.” Bucky's voice finally sounded out from the group. Y/N heart hurt hearing his words. Weird anxiety thing?

“Yeah, making her a freak. So you're just friends with her out of pity? Are you at least getting community service hours?” The group laughed again, Bucky's deep laugh standing out to Y/N.

“You have a lot of strength for a man who's not getting any ass from the girl he's keeping company with. Shes weird as fuck but her body is still bangin. Have you ever copped a feel of her tits? I would hang out with the loser if I got to fuck her too.” Someone commented. Y/N felt bile rise in her throat. She could feel a panic attack approaching having heard the sexual comments about her body. She stepped out from around the wall into the common room. All eyes snapped up to her, some eyes widening in shock. Bucky just looked up, not catching on that his roommate may have heard the horrid words said about her.

“I-im ready to go home, Bucky.” She hadn't looked up from where her feet were rooted on the stained wood floors. Bucky slowly wobbled up from his seat. The rest of the guys watching quietly, some snickering at Bucky's submissiveness.

“Here sweets, you're gonna have to drive.” Bucky says handing his keys over to Y/N. Without looking at him, she snatches the keys from his hands and quickly retreats to his car. Bucky stumbles behind her confused by her attitude.

Y/N walked to Bucky’s car, arms covering whatever they could cover on her body. Her mind telling her she was unsafe, her anxiety telling her even worse things.

Bucky eyes burned from the headache he had. He felt physically ill as he woke up from the living room couch. Last night's activities blur in his mind, no clear memories presenting themselves. He sits up to rest his forearms on his knees trying to calm his bubbling stomach.

The first thing he notices as he comes to his senses is the lack of Y/N’s noise. Normally the small apartment would be filled with the sounds of her sunday playlist as she cleans about. He also doesn't smell her extra dark and strong coffee that she only makes for sundays. He doesnt smell her out of the can cinnamon rolls either that she would normally wake him up with on a small tray with said coffee.

He finds it odd that her presence is lacking in the apartment. Standing, he makes his way over to her room knocking on it slightly. He hears shuffling from the other side but no one comes to open the door.

“Hey sweets, everything ok?” He knocks again to gain her attention.

“I-Im fine Bucky, please go away.” She stutters out to Bucky. Bucky is shocked by her statement not used to being pushed away by her.

“Oh ok, just let me know if you need anything.” He says quietly.

Y/N remained the same way over the next few days. She rarely came out of her room when she was in the apartment leaving Bucky on his own. She stopped making him meals out of kindness or filling up his canisters of water for workouts. She stopped baking him treats as midday pick me ups. She didnt wait for him to get out of classes so they could gossip about what was going on on campus. She didnt bother him at all.

Bucky felt uneasy about Y/N’s silence. He was hurt by her sudden disappearance. Hurt that she could just ghost him without any reason. But there was a reason, Bucky just didnt remember.

Y/N sluggishly walked into the apartment after taking an extensive exam in one of her classes. She tried to walk quietly throughout the apartment to not catch the attention of Bucky. She walks softly on her feet close to the opening of the kitchen.

“Hey.” A quiet voice makes Y/N jump in her spot. Her mission of going unnoticed failed. Bucky leans against the kitchen counter that is parallel to the opening of the kitchen. His feet are crossed in front of him, hands holding a cup of tea.

“Hi.” Her tone matches his. She turns her body to face his, hands fidgeting with each other. She slightly moved from foot to foot, a trait that had been acquired out of nerves. Bucky recognized her tic, his heart constricting at the thought that he might have done something to cause it.

“Y/N, please, what's going on?” Bucky can see that she's not wearing one of her normal outfits that are adorned in bright colors and fun patterns. Instead, her body is covered in a boring sweater that hides most of her body. She wears a large pair of jeans underneath, a belt tightly bounding it to her body.

“Nothing Bucky.” She dismisses. Bucky feels his anger peak. A range of emotion he tried to hide away breaching over its point. He missed his best friend beyond belief and all she could give was a few words.

“It's not nothing Y/N!” He snaps slamming his mug of tea on the counter. Y/N flinches at the sound. Her hands start to shake, not out of fear of Bucky but from unwarranted anxiousness. “I've given you your space but its killing me. I miss you Y/N. I dont get what happened?”

Y/N feels her eyes well up with tears.

“You hurt me Bucky.” It was Bucky’s turn to flinch hearing her words. He hurt her?

“I don't know what I did though.” His voice sounded childlike as he whined.

“At the party, you let your friends talk poorly about me. You-you let them call me a freak and-and weird. They made fun of my clothes and said you were hanging out with me out of pity and you just sat there and laughed James!” Her voice rose with every word. Bits and pieces of that night float around in his head. He can slightly remember the conversation but nothing is clearly showing in his head.

“I'm sorry they said that Y/N but you know that's not true. We both know our relationship, I don't know why you're letting them get to you.”

“They talked about my anxiety. You talked about my anxiety!”

“That's it? That's why you're not talking to me?” He exclaimed throwing his hands in the air.

“You let them sexualize me!” The kitchen filled with an uncomfortable silence. Bucky’s exterior softened.

“What?” His tone was drastically softer than it was earlier.

“You just sat and listened to them as they talked about my body. They talked about my boobs and if youve had sex with me and you said nothing. They said that they would hang with the loser if they could fuck me...How could you let them say that about me?” Y/N whimpered. Her hands cradled her face as she sobbed. Bucky saw the way her chest heaved with each sob, tears forming in his own eyes.

“I didn't know. I wouldn't have let them say those things sober. You have to know that.” He almost fell to his knees pleading for her forgiveness.

“You even said you wouldn't date me. I know its stupid but I thought you liked me back. You told me you loved me. You've taken me out on dates. You've kissed me for goodness sake!”

“I know and I'm sorry. I do like you, I don't know why I said that. I like you so much.” His knees buckled slightly but he held his ground.

“Obviously you dont Bucky. We should just stay away from each other from now on and I won't be renewing my leasing contract at the end of the semester.” She finalizes. Buckys whispers a small no in protest. “You really hurt me, Bucky. I would never let anyone slander you. I respect you too much to allow for someone else to disrespect you.”

With that being said, she gave Bucky one last look over before walking away. Bucky was knocked out of his thoughts at the sound of her door slamming shut and the lock being secured.

Bucky sat on the kitchen floor, the cold tile seeping through his pants to chill his legs. His face adorned with a frown, tears sliding down his warm cheeks. Y/N was his best friend and he ruined it by being a shitty person. He knows he should have defended her, defended their relationship.

Bucky’s rolly chair was his only source of entertainment at his desk in the lobby of the admissions office. Today was a slow day. There were only a few students who came in asking for help finding buildings or looking for the financial aid office. Some high school student came in for tours but his coworkers beat him to doing tours so here he was stuck in the quiet office. He had already stolen a large amount of guest snacks, a cold bottle of tea and a sugar cookie with the school's logo on it.

His chair spinning activities came to a halt when he heard the front door open with a small jingle sounding from it. He took a moment to let the dizziness fade away before he looked up. Bucky felt his breath stop in his throat.

There stood a girl with overalls and a bright colored top. She wore dark green converse, high tops, with frilly socks that peeked from the top. She had large glasses that framed her face perfectly. She was looking around the office, eyes wide with wonder. Her eyes finally met Bucky's, making a large smile appear on her face.

“Hi!” She exclaimed walking up to Bucky’s desk.

“Hey, what can I help you with today?” Bucky asked cooly.

“I just transferred here and I was wondering if you knew where I could apply for on campus jobs?” She placed her hands on top of the counter of Bucky’s desk. He admired her baby blue acrylics that had white flowers on them.

“Oh um, the admissions office is hiring. We do all of the tours for highschool students, or package and mail acceptance letters. Sometimes we plan scholarship events. It's an easy pay type of job. I just sit here and do homework my whole shift.” Bucky answers. “What's your name so I can get my boss to contact you?”

“Y/N Y/L/N.” Bucky quickly scribbled your name on a post it note and stuck it to his laptop as a reminder. “Do you really like this job or are you just trying to pull me in?” She jests with a small smile on her face.

“I mean it's a decent job but im sure with you working here it would make it ten times prettier.” Bucky smirked at the giggle that escaped Y/N. He wasn't normally a flirt but he couldn't help himself with this one.

“Oh really? How many times have you said that line to a girl?” Bucky put a hand to his chest in a fake offense.

“You think too low of me Y/N. I saved that one for the prettiest girl to walk through the door.”

“Hmm, ok. I'll believe it only because my ego needs this boost. Hey, you never told me your name. How am I supposed to write about this encounter in my journal if I don't have your name?”

“My name is James but I prefer if people just call me Bucky. Short for Buchanon, I know it's weird.” Bucky leans back in his chair, arms crossed. He can see her eyes checking out the way his muscles flex underneath his long sleeve shirt. He may have purposefully flexed a little extra for show.

“No, I love it. I dont think ive ever met a Bucky.” She counters. She leans forward, placing her elbows on the counter, her chest pressed against the front of the counter.

“Well I'm glad I'm your first Bucky.” He jokes with a small smile on his face. There was a small moment of silence shared between the two as they just looked at each other. Bucky couldn't help but think about how cute she was as Y/N thought the same thing.

“Oh gosh, I'm probably holding you up from your work.” She snaps out of her little spell rolling her eyes at herself. “I should get going.”

Bucky frowned at the idea of her leave, wanting nothing more than to continue talking to the new girl.

“Right, of course. Maybe I could get your number...so I can notify you about the job.” Bucky proposes. Y/N raises one eyebrow in question, a knowing smile placed on her lips.

“Sure thing bucky.” He hands her a pen and post it for her number. “I wouldn't be opposed to you using this number for things other than work too.” She suggested. She signed her name on the post it note ending it with a small heart.

“I will definitely take you up on that offer. No take backs though when I start sending you random shit.” She giggled, leaning up from her spot. Bucky basked at the sweet sound. He stood up to meet her on the other side of the desk.

“Well Bucky, it was lovely to meet you.” She stuck her hand out for him to shake, he reciprocated the action. Her hands were soft and warm, he thought. She gave him one last smile before walking away.

It was warm outside on the quad as Bucky sat by himself. He sat at the table that would normally be occupied by Y/N and him. Y/N would bring lunch- made by her. Anytime Bucky would try to help her by making lunch she would kick him out of the kitchen. Today, Bucky sat by himself, with no hand made lunch. He had a greasy bag of french fries and a large coke. He planned on eating his sorrows away.

“Hey Bucky!” A voice yelled out to him. Looking up from his fries, Bucky looked towards the sound that broke him out of his fries excursion. Tanner and Logan, his friends from the party, came walking over to him. They both sat down, throwing their lunch onto the table.

“Where's Ms. weirdo?” Tanner asks, mouth full of food. Bucky grimaced at Tanner's manners. He also felt the anger he should have felt on Saturday bloom in his chest.

“She's not weird.” Bucky snapped, fists tightening in his lap. Tanner scoffed, Logan laughing along with him.

“Says you. She is fucking weird. Did you finally get some from her or something? Defending her and shit.” Logan clapped Tanner on his back agreeing with him. “Shit, good for you dude. I would have fucked her a while ago. Probably would have kept her face down so I wouldn't have to see her-”

Before Tanner could finish his sentence, he was thrown from his seat from the powerful punch being landed on his jaw. His feet flew from where he was sitting, landing on his back with a heavy thud.

“Dude what the fuck?” Tanner stood wiping his face from the blood that started to trickle down from his bloody eyebrow. Bucky had never felt anger like this before. His heart was racing, his breathing labored. His cheeks were red and warm, eyebrows turned down.

“No, you don't get to make fun of her and make sexual comments about her.” Bucky snarled. Tanner rolled his eyes, walking closer to Bucky.

“Oh fuck off with that! You didn't defend her this hard on saturday.” Tanner's mistake after his words was shoving Bucky's shoulders back. Bucky reacted quickly by shoving Tanner with even more force.

Tanner threw a punch to Bucky’s jaw, making his head fly back. Bucky tackled Tanner to the ground, throwing punches left and right. Tanner fought back, hands flying landing punches wherever he could land them.

Logan was able to pull Bucky off of Tanner, warning the two that campus police would arrest them if they were caught. Both boys stared at each other fuming. Bucky snatched his trash and his backpack up, the scowl never leaving his face.

“If I ever see you looking or talking to Y/N, I will bash your face in.” Bucky growled.

Y/N felt better today. She found the strength to wear a cute outfit versus the oversized clothes she had been wearing prior out of fear. She didn't want anyone to look at her in any harmful way. She wanted to wear her cute outfits that were sometimes form fitting and short. She liked to wear her cute period pieces that had her own twist on them. She spent many years hating her body and the way she looked. She deserved to feel cute without thinking she is at fault for being sexualized and poorly treated.

She whipped out one of her favorite outfits today, loving the way it fit on her body making her feel confident. Sitting at the front desk of the admissions office, her feet propped up on the desk. Her shift was going by slowly, no one needing assistance this late in the day.

The door burst open making Y/N jump from her seat. She stood up shocked to see Bucky walk in with a huff. He wasn't supposed to work today but here he was. Y/N gasped looking at his cut lip and bruising eye.

“Bucky, what happened?” She maneuvered her way around the desk to stand in front of the beat up boy. She placed both of her hands on his cheeks to examine his injuries. He moved his face away from her tears brimming his eyes.

“I'm sorry Y/N. I'm really sorry. I should have protected you from them. I should've told them not to speak about you that way. You are more than some eye candy for men to act disgusting towards. You are beautiful and eclectic. You have a brilliant mind that shines brighter than anyone elses on this campus.” He spoke to her softly.

“I don't understand Bucky. What made you have this change of heart? You didn't give two shits about me last weekend.” She crossed her arms defensively.

“I know and I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe it was the alcohol but that's no excuse. I love you. I love all of you. You're not weird. You're your own person and I love everything about you. You do so much for me and I feel like shit for not doing the bare minimum for you.” His words stunned her.

“You love me?”

“God, with everything I have. Since the day you walked in here with those overalls. I've spent the past four years loving you.” Bucky whispered. He grabbed her hand, thumb rubbing over her knuckles.

“I love you too, Bucky.  I really do and I'm hurt. I don't think the hurt will go away for some time. You let them speak horribly about me. If you loved me like I was your girl, you would have defended me.” She spoke sorrowfully.

“I know, I know. I can't change the fact that I did nothing but I can tell you that I'm sorry. I'm always going to protect you. I did today. Tanner may be sporting a nasty goose egg on his eye because of his dumbass words.” Y/N giggled softly, touching his bruising knuckles.

“Thank you, Bucky.”

“I want to go back to normal. I miss you in the mornings and-and during our lunch breaks outside. I miss you.” Bucky stated.

“I miss you too.”

Bucky watched her eyes drop down to his lip, busted and all. He leaned forward slightly hoping she would meet him in the middle. She met him the rest of the way pressing her lips to his. Bucky relished this moment. He relished to be even sharing  moments with the girl he's been in love with since the second he saw her.

“I'm gonna be better, I promise.”

[thetaekookcloset]

Not an unpopular opinion, but probably an extremely, extremely hated and unwelcomed one. I really see tension between taekook around 2018-2019. Just to be clear, *maybe* tension isnt the right word… but definitely some uncertainty between them in 2018 and more of a “distant” feel in 2019. Not sure why people get in their feelings about this topic and try to deny it, when no one seemed to be hiding their discomfort. I think people are putting these men on a pedestal, but theyre forgetting that wait yeah they have the right to be angry and upset. Whether a relationship is healthy or not, there is going to be ups and downs. I mean take a look at your own life, are you always happy? And yeah the whole group suffered a lot in 2018, but wow taehyung seems so far removed during this time period. I think one of the anons pointed out that he seemed depressed long, long before covid hit. I personally think because the pandemic hit, they had a bit more free time, time for reflection, they might have strengthened their relationship. I *personally* dont think the ITS convo contributed much because as ur anons say they were close before and close after. Maybe because im a tae stan, but i feel like his sadness during this time is obvious. Many people have theories about what and why he was feeling down. All of them could be right, its probably a mixture of all of them. I really thought contract discussions back then wouldnt be as tough for the group, but with the way the members looked during that time, it was a lot worse than i initially thought. I always had the feeling that he didnt wanna renew his contract that time, and thats why he looked so depressed in those 2018 concerts, he lost a lot of weight too. I remember jimin saying tae left the dorm for 2 months during that period, i think he was with his family at one point. If memory serves me right, the members were worried about him during this time. Taehyung strikes me as someone that wants to separate work from personal life. Theres so many things the members say that make me think that. Jimin tried calling him when he was in japan with his family, but tae never reached out. Alright for that one, theres plenty of reasons why tae didnt reach back out. You can say that it could be a misunderstanding, but he actually did it a lot. To be fair, i dont think he tries to *actively* separate the two anymore, but thats what i noticed when going over bts stuff. I dont think its right to say that there was a “break up”during this time because we only know what they show and say, but from what i saw, i do see tae distancing himself from the entire group in general. Jungkook is harder for me to read, so i cant really speak on that, i can only assume from what the members say that he was pretty sad too

Of course every relationship is going to have its ups and downs -- that’s true of platonic and romantic relationships alike, and so I’m sure it’s true of Taehyung and Jungkook either way.

I definitely think there was a lot going on with both of them in 2018.  Obviously we know that some of the members of BTS (we can only make educated guesses about which ones) were considering quitting in early 2018.  I mean, we talk about “disbandment talks,” but really, we know from the way various members have spoken about this over the years that some of them were thinking they might want out, and others of them did not want that, and that conflict led to the group considering calling it quits.

More below.

We know that Jungkook was really distant around that time because the members have since talked about it, and we know that Taehyung seems to have been going through something around then too.  We know that the two of them received long texts from Yoongi that said “I love you” at the end.

Anything the two of them were feeling at the time could have had something to do with their relationship, but it also may very well not have.  It could be that their relationship was what got them through it, for all we know.  All we really know about that is that they were both going through something emotional.

As far as 2019 goes, you’re definitely not alone in seeing weirdness between them that year, but I confess I’ve just never really seen it.  2018 yes, it seems clear that whatever was going on, something certainly was.  2019, though, I don’t see the same tension that some people talk about.  I definitely don’t see 2019 TK as distant.

I wasn’t around then, so maybe this is just a function of getting my moments all at once, rather than seeing them happen in real time, but there are just so many things that happened in 2019 that seem indicative of a strong, close bond to me.  All of the BWL concert moments, Jin’s birthday V Live, the May 2019 V Live when they seemed to be sharing a room at a hotel but keeping it secret.  Those are just a handful, and there were quite a lot all things considered.

So yeah, I don’t know, personally I just don’t understand the “TK were distant in 2019″ thing.  You’re definitely not alone in thinking it, and again maybe it’s just because I wasn’t seeing it in real time, but it just doesn’t appear that way to me in retrospect.

As far as 2018 goes, the members have talked about Jungkook being distant from the group early that year, at the very least, and we know the disbandment talks were happening around the same time.  Until and unless BTS ever opens up more about what that entailed, all we can really do is guess.  There are a lot of narratives that fit the small amount of information we have, but personally, I suspect that Taehyung and Jungkook had a lot to do with those talks.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

[oh-for-fic-sake]

What is August going to do if his little decides to play with his forbidden knife collection? :3

Omg so this took a while and i'm sorry but im sooo happy with this! It got a little long so im hidig it under a cut but i hope you enjoy! @littlefreya @viking-raider

August swore vehemently looking around for the blades he'd sharpened specifically for his next assignment.

This needed to be silent and precise, he'd sharpened each blade twice! Not once but twice!

He wouldnt even attempt his 'arm hair' shave test this time knowing he may have gone over board with the sharpening.

But he couldnt help it, he found it therapeutic running his hands over the blades again and again, it was like medatation for him.

But they were no where to be seen! Hed placed them each delicatly in the rolled travelling leather holster, useing the small poppers to lock each dangerous blade in place and then hid it in the small safe in the wardrobe.

"Baby girl! LITTLE ONE HAVE YOU BEEN IN THE SAFE?!" He shouted down the stairs only not to get an answer, the radio on the kitchen drowning him out.

You were baking, well 'bakeing' he had bought a 'unicorn gingerbread box kit' for you both to make today.

It was a small treat he would spend the day with you doing anything your little heart desires befor setting off onto his week long mission.

You were currently rolling out the gingrbread and he had decided to sneak his weapons into his bag while you were preoccupied.

August never liked rubbing innhis occupation with you, never liked faceing the awkward questions, he wont lie to you but in being truthfull he can sometimes frighten you.

In the bedroom he was as ruthless and rough and demanding as he was at work.

But like this when you were little, you drew out a softer side. Well as soft as he was capable of, he was a stern man in everything he did, even in daddying you.

August huffed and zipped his case violently stressing out he needed to go down and pversee ou before you did something foolish, like tried to put the gingerbread in the oven.

Your panicked hyperventilating and bitten 9ff screams drew his attention immediatly!

He bolted down the stairs as fast as he could, so panicked by the cries and screams from the kitchen he raced through the housestomping and crashing with all the grace of a bull in a china shop.

Oh hell.

He froze, face paling mouth agape as he took in the scene.

Then he roared in a way you'd never heard.

You cowered holding your hand tightly as it bled profusely red life blood poured all over the white counter ruining the sheet pan dusted with what was once pure white flour.

The blood was also over the rolled out gingerbread, along with a very familiar knife.

You cried and staggered over you august holding your wound tightly tripping over your feet to him, wandering blindly unable to see much through your tears. Or hear past your frantic crying and yelps of "daddy!?"

August quickly decended on you grasping a teatowel from the laundry basket on the counter and tookover holding your offered wounded hand whislts snappjng at you in worry fueled anger.

"What the fuck are you dojng with that!? They are daddies special knives! You know not to touch thwm you silly little girl!"

"I'm s-so-rry! OUCH, NO-OO DAD-DY IT HURTS!" You cried out complaining as he dabbed the wound inspecting it.

It wasnt to deep just long, across the whole of your palm. He could tell your slipped and probably didnt evwn notice youd cut yourself untill it'd sliced fully across.

He'd sharpened them that much.

"You will be! By god little lady you will ne so very very sorry when im done woth you!"

"Come on sit down before you pass out and bleed all over the kitchen" he said tying a knot in two corners ot the teatowle making a triangle like a sling and looped it around your palm then fetched a wooden spoon slotting it in the large opening and began twisting it tight making a tourniquet.

You hissed as he pulled the clother thighter and tighter then slipped the wooden spoon into your fingers holding the teatowel still, before raising your hand high letting gravityhelp slow the bleeding.

"Now hold that there, dont you move, w need to stop the bleeding so i can mend it" he snipped grunting to himself. He wasnt worried as such, it looked worse than it was he had tended to worse on himself.

"Y-you can fix it da-ddy?" You sobbed tryi g to be brave but you were shaking like a leaf, youd never bled that much before.

"Yes daddy can fix it poppet, daddy can always fix it" he said quickly pulling out his... vast medic kit that was fully stocked to deal with everything from burns and cuts to bullet woulds and decapitated fingers. Because ou never know.

"A-are you mad da-addy?!" You whined eyes wide as he huffed and sighed dragging his hands through hos hair irritated

"Im not angry im very very disappointed. And you can bet your little ass is gonna be meeting that spoon shortly!" He said vehemently trying to calm himself and remind himself it wasnt too serious and he could deal with this cut.

You didnt even argue just looked down, dropping your watery eyes to the floor like a kicked puppy, and it wasnt even to soften him either.

"Why were you touching daddies private things?" He spoke tyring to take both his and your mind off your wound as he located everything he needed from the box.

"A'cos i wa-nted to see...they were shiney after you were polishin'em" you explained hicupping slowly weeping still as the pain and throbbing set in.

"I was sharpening them poppet, not polishing" he uttered quickly with a sigh trying to find a quaze big enough to wrap in a bandage.

"I just wanted to see... Never gon' touch" you sobbed bijng your lip eyes flickingnup the the now red teatowel, your figers were going a ittle numb from the tight tourniquet.

"And then?" He asked quirking a brow as you before waling to the kitchen sink washing and rinsing the washing up bowl thoroughly befpre filling with fresh warm water and a new clean cloth.

"Then the box said cut round the unicorns with a knife... And I already got it out to look at" you said shrugging a little as he moveed down your hand. Luckily the bleedig had stopped.

"I also says let and adult do it" your daddy chided as he slowly and gwntly unwrapped your hand making our fingers sting a little at the renewed bloodflow

"Im an-adult" you argued weakly then hissed as he begancleani g the wound dabbig it ever so lightly knowig he had to use clean water instead of antiseptic that could slow the healing of the delicate skin.

"Your a baby" he said with a roll of his eyes 'a spoilt baby' he added as an after thought to himself.

"...but im carful never cut myself with my big girl knives!" You agrued then gasped giving a small 'uh oh' you mouth had run away with you again.

"You mean the kitchen knives?" August asked quickly coming down on the new information like a... well hammer on a land mine.

"No... my saftey knives daddy" you uttered under your breath hissing as he moved on to the next stage of tending to your wound pressing the gauze to it.

"What do you mean your safety onives little one?" He said paying close attention to the bandages he was unravling over your hand trying to keep it firm but comfortable.

"My safety knives... i-in my purse?... Incase of baddies" you whispered slowly praying he wouldnt hear you. But his fingers paused for a second before quickly tying off the bandage in a knot and gave you a fierce look.

"You have knives in your?- wait hold-" august frowned and held a hand up singnalling you to stay then left the kitchen.

He returned moments later and emptied your pjrse only to growl shaking his had as a plethora of 'cute' weapons fell out. Hello kitty switch blades, rainbow blades, pink pocket knives and suspicious looking comb, key knives, pen knives you name it! There was even a ... cat keyring obviously meant to be some sort of pointy eared knuckle duster.

"Really poppet? Knives and... knuckle dusters- these are" he began scolding you but you cut him off

"I know i know daddy im sorry-" your apology was halted as your daddy spoke over you in a warning to e, he didnt like being interrupted.

"No where near good enough! These are all close range! If your close enough to use these then your already fucked! No you need pepperspray and a tazer!" He growled quickly picking up the feeble knives that had no grip to them, and wasnt ever sharp!

"T-tazer?" You stuttered tiltinnyour head cradling your injured hand to your chest.

"Yes, they are close range but will stop any attacker in their tracks! You can get away whilst your attacker is convulsing and laying in a pool of his own piss!" August growled becoming more and more aggravated as he realised you had now real way of protecting yourself when he wasnt around, big or little!

"Im getting you a tazer- today! Before i leave" he decided nodding to himself as he binned the now soiled teatowel and wash cloth.

"...can i have a pink one daddy?" You asked not being the slightest bit against having a tazer, it would make you feel alot safer then a knife.

Knives needed a proper opening and some brute force to protect you and could really really hurt someone!

A tazer was just a button and could work nomatter where ou hit the baddy and would kill them just make em gall over and pee.

"You can have a pink one princess... or a lipstick one or a tampon one?" Auguast suggested trying to thinl of the best one for you... he was sure a smaller discreet one whould be better than a law enforcement grade.

"That sounds uncomfortable daddy..." you uttered shuddering at the thought of that... being mistaken.

"Its not really a- fuck it... Right come on lets get in the living room you can go pick a tazer online" he said beginni g to pack up the first aid kitpillig everthing neatly into the box.

"O-okay... but no spankies daddy... I'm hurt" you warned cautiously waving your bandaged hand

"Yes spankies! Absolutly spankies! You take this spoon with you and you can pop it on the table as a reminder!" He ordered holding you with a level gaze blue eyes warning you to do as you were told.

"But my hand-" you said sniffling cradling it.

"Will be the least of your problems when I'm tanning your naughty butt! Now go or else" he threataned clipping the first aid box shut still watching you, staring unblinkingly.

"Or else what-" you started but your daddy was havig none of it and cut you off again.

"There is a silicone butter icing spreader in this kitchen that will be much worse than thw wooden spoon! Now get in the living room befpre i make you find it" he growled not about to let you throw a paddy about getting your ass blistered after the stunt you pulled.

Your lower lip wobbled but yu nodded giving up, plucking the wooden spoon and turning around leaing the kitchen in a walk of shame muttering a tiny 'yes daddy, sorry daddy'

Auguast watched with a stern face, before turning his attention to the bloody kitchen he will clean before coming to deal with you.

A good fifteen mineut wait will let you have time to reflect before he comes in and tans you hide.

[popculturebuffet]

Justice League: In Blackest Night Review: A Case Study in Why John Stewart is  Awesome

Hello my Green Lantern Corps and happy black history month! And happy 40th Anniversary Year to John Stewart. And let’s get this out of the way now not the one replaced by trevor noah who handed Tucker Carlson his ass on television and got his show canceled, please do it again John i’d be greatful, and has a weird obession with how Pizza should be. No i’m of course talking about the Green Lantern, the third from earth and the second to headline the book itself, John Stewart.  But to me.. he was my first Green Lantern and one that gave me a deep and abiding love of the Corps since all thanks to this very episode. It’s thanks to John I’m the green lantern loving nerd I am today and without him I probably wouldn’t of found Guy, Jessica, Simon, Alan, and Kyle not to mention got into the varoius other corps. It’s thanks to this episode I wanted to seek out these wonderful characters eventaully and in part why I got into JLI, one of my faviorite teams, among many ohter great things and books. 

So quite obviously both this episode, which I haven’t seen in probably a decade, and John have a great place in my heart. And thus it warms said heart to FINALLY see John getting the recogntion he deserves: he’s going to be one of the starring roles in the upcoming HBO Max series, he was on Scott Snyder’s justice league, and he’s now going to be headlniing the main Green Lantern book going forward under writer Geoffry Throne, who like me was VERY sick of the Hal Jordan show the Green Lantern franchise could become at times, and also like me gave out about it a LOT. The fact DC hired him despite a very public and easily accesable record of him slagging of their use of Hal instead of him ESPECAILLY in the new 52 reboot aka why Cyborg is in the Justice League movie as Geoff kinda shoved hal in there despite John being a more sensible pick and doing so not only shoving the Martain Manhunter, who this show also gave me a deep lasting love for, out of the team but forcing Cyborg onto the team despite fitting with the titans better and, AGAIN there being a black green lantern and given the New 52 kept the history of there being multiple lanterns, no reason Hal could’ve been SECOND instead other than DanDiDio’s bitchy habit of EVERYTHING WAS BETTER ON MY EARTH that poisoined the company for a good decade before recently. 

And yes I felt the need to rant about that, yes Green Lantern the animated series is still good mind you, I just got tired of bland white guy over “Really awesome, really layred especailly thanks to this series black guy”, “stubborn asshole white guy whose hilarious and has a heart underneath the layers of douchebag”, “creative and imaginative white guy who has as personality and really uses the ring in fun ways”, and more recently “A muslim superhero struggling with his past who’se also really energetic and fun and has an intresting family life” and “Latnix superheroine who struggles with anxiety and actually struggles with constructs and once she gets past that has very unique ones”. In other words, yeah I’m bitter because everyone else was more intresting than Hal, and it’s only in recent years with Jessica gaining promience and John regaining it that DC’s finally broke out of that and is actually using the intresting ones, and again without John I wouldn’t be a fan, so they had no real excuse to barely use him outside of the comics if at at all after a while. 

So yeah as you can tell by that rant and by how specific it got for each lantern, this is one of my faviorite franchises, as said this episode is responsible and so for Black History Month I felt i’d be a huge mistake on my part if I DIDN’T cover my boy John and this episode and see how it held up. The fact it’s his 40th anniversary wasn’t something I was aware of, but now I am, expect more Johncentric episodes from Justice League sprinkled throughout the year to celebrate one of my first and possibly best GL. 

Naturally before we get to the episode we have to get to the series itself. The series was launched as Batman Beyond was winding down. Bruce Timm wanted to keep the crew together, something I could empathize with since Owen Dennis and JG Quintel have ran into that same problem lately, with most of their crews drifting off during the gaps in production and Owen desperate to get the show renewed  before he lost everybody. A good crew isn’t had to find in animation but KEEPING them for multiple shows or seasons can be. And there was one project the fans wanted more than anything: The Justice League. After all BOTH Batman and Superman had had tons of guest stars, especailly the latter, with Batman having Zantana show up and Superman having the Flash (Wally West), Green Lantern (Kyle Rayner) and Aquaman all show up. There were seeds there.. but Timm was relcutant as he had trouble ballancing 2 or 3 heroes in a fight scene, wanting to keep them al lin focus so fans didn’t wonder where they were and they didnt’ have to cut back and forth, the idea of juggling 7 was daunting.  So as Beyond was finishing production a few things happened: The first is that they did the episode The Call, focusing on a future version of the League, and while only a two parter, it showed Timm his crew might be able to juggle a team of heroes after all, and second was the pitches Timm made BEFORE justice league. Since Kids WB had been hteir partner for a while now they tried pitching both a batman anime, he did not provide many details, and in his own words a “Kidified” justice league, basically the justice leagued mashed with the titans including a female version of cyborg. It was the latter pitch, which was rejected by Kids WB, that finally convinced Timm they could do this, but if they did it couldn’t be half assed or having compromises. it had to be what it SHOULD be. So they went to somewhere new, if in the same family and asked cartoon network, who said...

And here we are. They took their time to work out the characters, apparently taking a lot of delbiration, mostly on which GL to go with, and if they were going to do a hawk wether to go for hawkman or hawkgirl. In the end the roster was the iconic big 7 one, in large part thanks to Grant Morrison taking that concept and reviving it in his run on the team, but shaking it up slightly: Barry was naturally replaced with Wally West flash as he was THE flash in the comics, gave a slightly younger member for the others to play off of, and was more popular.. something Dan DiDio plugged his ears and went LALALALALALAL about for a decade before FINALLY leaving the company so he could stop screwing with a character he hated for reasons that can be summed up as ‘MY FLASH IS BETTER. YOU’LL LIKE MY FLASH.. YOU’LL SEE I JUST HAVE TO MAKE THE OTHER ONE A MASS MURDERER.. THAT’LL SHOW YOU FOR NOT LIKING WHAT I LIKE”... I still have maybe a smidge of lingering issues over how wally was treated the last few years after his return. I do not apologize for htem or for doing a little dance when I found out Didio was gone. 

Point is it wasn’t the only subsitution as Hal Jordan was replaced by John, obviously and rather than use Aquaman, they went with Hawkgirl, though Arthur still got an episode focusing on him fairly early into the series which has the iconic moment of him cutting his hand off to save his son. I dare you to find something more badass. Bruce both liked her deisgn better and felt it helped with the gender ballance. 

So with all that set and with some growing pains to get through they had their show so join me under the cut to see how it turned out. Spoilers: It good. 

We open INNNNNN SPACCCEEEEEEE, as a coaltion of neat looking aliens wants justice and has gone to a space court lead by three weird alien faces, likely inspiried by the kryptoian tribunal in the donnerverse superman movies, with their prosecutor sending a group of mysterious robots known as the Manhunters to go fetch the accused for a trial: John Stewart. Given he’s voiced by Kurtwood “Red Forman” Smith, i’m very surpised he didn’t order them to also put their foots up his ass. Maybe he’s saving it for the trial.

After the titles we cut to John himself whose in shades and trenchant for reasons.. I mean it looks neat, but he’s in his old neighborhood not hunting down his exes killer or trying to hide the fact he’s a ninja turtle. Why is he all disguised. I mean sure WE know people are coming from him and given what he thinks he did he knows.. but he has no intention of running from what he did. It’s just a weird stylistic choice. That said we do get a cool sequence when while casually walking he notices a robbery, and stops it simply by first stopping the wheel then levitating the car.. and while he does get a little showy shaking the guy upside down to return the money.. it’s all very controlled. It shows off how John works. While we’ve seen him at work as Green Lantern before this this small sequence says volumes about john in the span of a few minutes, showing that shilw he HAS immense power, he only uses the amount he needs, knows when to hold back, and only shows off a tiny bit, and even then he’s likely still keeping the theif absolutely safe. It also provides excellent foreshadowing for later as to why the League takes his side even when he refuses to defend himself, as it shows that John really is a professional true and true.

He runs by a basketball court and fails to make a basket when throwing a ball back to a kid before meeting his old gym teacher, who turns out to be the kids uncle or something like that, and invites John to join them as they go to the barber shop. The kid wants John’s haircut, his granpa says the usual and i’m wondering why as John’s haircut isn’t that radical: it’s a miltiary style cut, belying the fact that for this series, while it dosen’t come up in the plot here, John was a former marine instead of an architect. Honestly.. this wasn’t a bad change, giving us the deciated and measured john we know, to the point the comics gladly retconned it in. Not that it’s really a huge deal given it meelrly adds shades to the guy and dosen’t prevent him from being an architect. It just adds lairs by giving a reaosn he’s so focused and driven. He had it drilled into him and carried it with him. 

Meanwhile on the watchtower The Flash clumisly tries to get to know Hawkgirl better and maunver into asking her out, though it’s clear sh’es not intrested. Still even if he can’t help flirting, and it sometimes gets creepily obnoxious, it’s still better than I expected remembering this running subplot, as he DOES try to get to know her and what she does in her off time, even if it’s to set up asking her out, and is trying to ask her out instead of just hitting on her or doing anything far more creeptacular. It’s still not great mind you and hasn’t aged well at all.. but for the time it’s not TERRIBLE and again it goes away pretty quickly in favor of the much more intresting John and Shierya relationship. 

Flash accidently shoots himself in the foot.. conversationally though given how Wally is at this point in the series I wouldn’t be suprised, by asking the Martian Manhunter, who gives Hakwgirl an easy exit if he’s ever felt alone.. you know the guy whose entire race including his wife and child died horribly. He quickly apologizes though and John understands he just stuck his foot in his mouth at lighting speed. And it’s not the MOST insensitive he’s been about Jonn’s dead wife. 

But things are soon interupted as Jonn notes “We have an incursion!” 

But the Avengers are dealing with all of that so they can instead focus on the Manhunters shooting toward earth. I really like this as the primary reason Batman set up this station was to monitor for alien threats, it just because the Leagues base because superman had the idea to stay as a team and it was a good un, and given earth JUST had an invasion, as this likely isn’t too long after that given it’s only the second set of episodes, it’s understandable they’d  be on high alert. 

So our heroes move to intercept. As the first episode after the pilot this one also sets up a recurring part of the show and a necessary one: only a handful of Leaguers would feature in each two-parter, as the episodes for the first two seasons were essentially one hourlong story split into two episodes. The only exceptions were the three part premire, the three part finales for each season, and the sole solo episode comfort and joy which is fucking awesome and my faviorite christmas episode period. But even with the extended run time the crew simply felt i’td be unwiedly to juggle 7 characters eveyr episode, feeling it’d eventually get to original series star trek leevels of having one just manning a console or something. So rather than try and cram them all into every episode, they choose who they needed and gave valid excuses for the rest when necessary. In this case Batman and Wonder Woman have solo missions their busy with , as does Superman whose adressing an earthquake.  Our heroes try talking to the Manhunters.. who refuse to talk to them and then also say their coming for John, and aren’t explaning why. So naturally a brawl breaks out as the League SHOCKINGLY dosen’t want their friend who as far as they know has done nothing wrong taken by a brutish paramilitary force who won’t actual talk to the citzens their policing or try and be coporative. More on this in a second. The fight itself is pretty awesome as our heroes fight as evenly as they can.. but it’s clear their outgunned outplanned outnumbered and outmanned, as while their you know the justice league and do their best and Jonn is in Superman’s weight class the battle makes it VERY clear their barely holding in there and that the blast from the manhunters rods are just too potent for them to stand up against. 

But help and hope arrives and things get a bit less lopsided when Superman shows up! Unfortunately it’s season 1 superman, and something a lot of fans noticed but I as a kid didn’t and the crew themslves did not until it was too late to course correct for the season, was that Superman came off as a bit of a wimp in this series. See they had the good intention of having him struck down to show a threat’s serious, something TV Tropes calls the “The Worf effect” after the fact that Worf on Star Trek TNG would get knocked on his ass a lot for the same reason, but it has the side effect of making a character look like their made of paper mache if done too often. To the crew’s credit they realized this and not only made sure this didn’t happen as much in season 2, but dedicated the first episode of Season 2, twilight, to showing Superman as a badass by having him try and cave Darkseid’s skull in. Granted they overcompensated in places in that episode, but that’s a story for another day. Point is he had a habit of getting knocked around and it varied between really effective and overselling it. Here it works as the manhunters had already knocked Jonn around a bit, knocking him into some poor kid’s apartment whose really wondering what the fuck just happened too much to enjoy meeting the martian manhunter, so him  not being too on top of them simply sells this threat is equal, and possibly past the League. 

Meanwhile John is talking to his former teacher who says the kid reminds him of John... it’s not only a nice bit of depth to show the restrained John used to be a bit of a hellraiser before the Marines.. but also shows John’s guilt as he hopes not.. but before he can unload, he notices the fight and suits up to his old mentors shock and the kids joy, I mean I would too if a guy suddenly because a green lantern in front of me, and dashes off.. to surrender and break up the fight, handing over his ring and going with them and telling the League not to interfere. Their response can be summed up thusly. 

To John, he’s peacefully surrendering for a crime he comitted to a bruitsh and unfair police force but one who is duly deputized and as an officer himself, for the unaware the Green Lanterns are space cops and given the reason rightfuly reconing on the police I will certainly be discussing this as we go, is trying to coparate and prevent any collateral. While LIKELY Bruce pays for any that happens, as beneath his batdick demanour at times he’s a very good man and if he has the pockets for a space station, space craft, commuincators and all the good stuff a superhero team has on hand, he probably has a dedicated fund set up to paying for collateral since insurance might not cover it, and not only that would likely give any impacted extra to do any upgrades they coudln’t before because he’s a philanorphist .. one who dresses up like a bat to punch people in the face, but that itself is still philathophy in a way. 

But to the League? Their friend was taken by a bunch of shady paramilitary robots who didn’t bother talking to them, is trying to keep them out of it and for all they know only surrendered to prevent a fight, and even if he had valid reasons, as his friends-ish and teammates, they have a right to answers. So while John sits in his cell completlating his apparent crimes.. the JL have taken off in the Javelin, the spaceship I mentioned batman funding. And of course Batman has both spaceship money and had a design for one so ready it likely took a month at most for him to get it up and running, if not less, and only didn’t have one in the batcave because he hadn’t neededed it yet and likely didn’t want to embezle more money than he has to from his company. Jonn uses the stars John saw, say that three times fast I dare you, to find a location and our heroes head there.  Our heroes arrive.. and are attacked by the local security despite Superman geninely trying to hail them, the Javelin not firing back and our heros only going out to intercpet personally so they don’t die, and even then making careful certainty not to attack. So we get another thrilling battle, with our three flying heroes all pitching in, and the flash realizing he dosen’t know how to fly the thing and me cursing out bruce in my head for you know, not either forcing flash to learn the stuff, or having the forsight to put a manual on board for any members who forgot something, aka so when Wally inteivibly goofs off and eats candy instead of reading it the first time, he can speed read it and at least retain it long enough to land the thing in a crisis. If it were anyone else i’d be understanding but this is the guy who again, either had spaceship plans lying around or could get one together in the span of a month or so and while not thinking of the ship in terms of a team, still also paid for and likely created the commuincators they used, so he’d know his team well enough to know he needs this. 

My nitpicking aside, our heroes land, make quick work of the locals, and then crash in on John’s trial after he’s escorted in, passing his fellow lanterns who rightfully treat him with disdain.. but for the wrong reasons as we’ll see. John gives  groaning “oh no” , like he’s embarassed. When REALLY..

Seriously John, again you were as far as they knew kidnapped, and the way the manhunters acted, they had no reason to think they were legitamate, and you didn’t take five minutes to tell them, “They have every reason to be takning me” or “I blew up a planet I deserve this” . They still would’ve came mind you, they just might of realized this wasn’t a traditional rescue mission and actually tried to use some subtly. You also COULD have told the manhunters they might show up so the security wouldn’t attack them. They probably woudln’t o LISTEND or attacked themselves, so i’ts a damned if you do damned if you don’t situation, but you still did absolutely nothing. It’s the one mistep with John here and even then it has the justification of his self loathing at the moment being so high, he assumed they’d rightfully write him off without question.. not to mention given the team is mostly white guys, two aliens and a princess who woudln’t know better, he probably assumed like most white dumbasses they’d assume the police were correct and not give him the benifit of a doubt. To their credit, especially since you know one of them’s superman and the other one’s a professional dumbass, they didn’t think that for a second. Some would not be such a good person. 

But Prosecutor Forman and the big giant heads aren’t much better than the manhunters, so Prosecutor Forman sends some orange guys to put foots up their asses.. and since unlike the manhunters their just... some ambigiously gendered aliens with no powers, they go down quick and before the manhunters enter, superman RIGHTFULLY calls them out, as he points out they just wanted to know what the hell was going on, didn’t throw the first punch, and have been under attack since, and the heads admit this IS a public trial, and they kinda overreacted so as long as the superfriends don’t do any other antics and watch like anyone else, their good. Superman has his team play it safe for now as they really don’t know what’s going on and given they could only stalemate the manhunters on even footing, they know they can’t take them on their home turf.  

The trial is soon underway, and Prosecutor Forman calls the witnsees.. Kanjar Ro, also voiced by Smith. This is neat little bit as Ro was one of the first foes the League fought in the comics, a space pirate, and while he originally was just going to be some random asshole, someone brought up the idea of him being Ro and the crew really loved it. It’s a nice nod to the comics and honestly if you have a vast superhero universe with decades of continuity to draw from for your show, why NOT make the secondary villian of the episode be someone from the comics. 

Ro is, like the comics, a pirate and seemingly came forward because what John did was so bad even he can’t stomach it and has to say something. So we FINALLY find out what John did.. well okay the audience as a whole does I remember this from being a kid. He and Ro had a routine cop and robber interaction, Ro was smuggling shit, and John was doing his job as GL of Sector 2814 and stopping him and cut out his engine.. but seemingly said engine drifted off, and destroyed a planet as  result via chain reaction, and thus the debris right outside the planet John’s being tried on are apparently thsoe of the planet he accidently killed. The court takes a break and while the League, understandably, assume that the obviously shady man was lying John ends part one by confirming that no he did it. And this is why I put a pin in things... because the episode being about a space cop being arrested by worse space cops and dealing with his friends in the badge turning on him while some of his other friends try to prove he’s innocent, and the man in question being an african american... tackles some very loaded issues that, givent he writer and most of the staff, Dwayne McDuffie accepted, were very much white, i’m thinking they just kind of fell backward into and it only came out as good as it did either do to McDuffie or just blind luck that it didn’t turn out entirely awful in hindsight.

And if anyone is complaning: “Wait you dont’ need to get political leave politics out of this”.. please leave my fucking blog. For one, the recknoing with the police was long overdue, I feel ashamed for not having it sink in how fundementally broken the police were and not realizing it for my whole fucking life, I knew some cops were bad but I hadn’t realized the institution was inherently racist and bad  and feel so much deep and lasting shame for that, and for another again it’s a story that at it’s core is a black police officer being arrested for doing something wrong, taking full responsiblity for his actions like a police officer SHOULD, and having friends of his try and prove he didn’t really do it, while his fellow officers, rather than find the act itself abohhrent, come out as either being loyal to john no matter what (kilowog) because fellow officer, or assholes who ONLY are upset because it makes them look bad, and are ONLY distancing themselves because of that, and not because you know JOHN MAY OF CAUSED A GENOCIDE BY INCOMPETNECE. So yeah, i’m not ignoring the real world implications, I couldn’t and wouldn’t if I wanted to, and i feel if done right ANY medium, animation, comics, what have you, for kids or not, can tackle such issues and should be able to. 

So i’m not ignoring the elephant in the room, and as we get into part 2 we get the good and bad of this in full: Superman feels something’s off about this whole thing, a hunch admitely but given an engine falling in a crater seems a bit too convinent, he has a right to investigate and takes MM to do so, while he leaves Flash and Hakwgirl to stall. Both take diffrent approaches: Flash signs on as GL’s lawyer.. and it’s an awesome scene as we find out, in your standard evil lawyer joke, that the tribunal of faces solved this by simply having the lawyer share the punishment.. but it also shows Flash’s loyalty and faith that his friend did not do this and something worse is at work, as he still agrees after learning he’ll probably die if his other friends don’t fix this. 

And now we have full context i can get into where this episode really does the issue justice for the most part: John is presented as the model of both what the GL Corps and what police should be: He’s professional, uses minimal force despite having a weapon that can do anything, and when he THINKS he did something horrible, he dosen’t run from his crime: the most he does is go back home to see it once last time, simply waiting for someone to come and get him for what it did wether it be his own brothers in arms or as we saw the manhunters and he doesn’t defend himself because he dosen’t feel he should as he screwed up, got an entire planet killed, and rightly thinks he should pay for it. He’s likely, as a black man in the early 2000′s, been falsely accused, pulueld over and fucked over by police and seen people in his community he knewe and care about die because of shit like this so when given the chance to take responsibility, even from a clearly broken system, he does. Because in the same situation a lot of officers back at home would not and would walk away clean and that’s not who John Stewart is, how he was raised, or what he or the corps stands for. 

But the episode gets to have it’s cake and eat it too, as the League does belivie John didn’t do this on purpose.. and the blind faith they especially superman did come off as wince inducing.. until I realized it’s not because of some “brotherhood of the badge” bullshit.. but because it’s Superman. He belivies in the good of most people. In this very series despite Lex Luthor having tried to kill him dozens of times at this point, he STILL shows the guy empathy when he finds out Lex is dying of cancer. Lex spits at the notion of course and dosen’t take it seroiusly.. but Superman is just that good a person, so if he has a hunch somethings’ wrong.. it probably is. And even if he and Jonn found nothing... it’s the right thing to do. A crime should ALWAYS be properly investigated to make sure someone dosen’t hang for something they did not do. This is what I meant by have it’s cake and eat it too: the episode tackles police brutality.. but the accused is also the victim, and it thus tackles the unfairness in the us courts, how black people are often assumed guilty when that’s horribly racist and biased as fuck and how Police are assumed correct. Our heroes are assuming john is right based on optisim but are not wrong for wanting him to at LEAST get a fair trial and full investigation that clearly was not done. It also covers, again probably intetioanlly, how some are often not able to get proper representatin, with this court outright getting rid of it, which is wrong and bad, and the flash being the best John can do and not very good at it, mostly stalling for time. It shows the system’s brokena nd soemtimes you have to directly fight iht and can’t just take it , and even if your convinced your guilty and want to rightfuly take the blame for something your sure you did... you still deserve a fair trial and a compitent one. 

It’s not all good: as said the gl’s are portrayed as bad for not wanting anything to do with john, and in order to make them unsympathetic they care more about their rep than the fact a friend may of comited genocide and kilowog showing up and providing character witness is seen as a good thing, even if he provides no actual character evidence other than “Johnny’s a good guy” and that’s not ideal. It’s not perfect and again it was writtne by an old white guy so of course it isn’t but the fact it gets so much right the more you dig in despitei t’s awwkardness and being written and aired 20 years ago... that is nothing to sneeze at. 

We have more to dig into here too with the manhunters but first moreof the plot: While the other stuff mentioned happens, Superman and Jonn investigate as said.. and we find out WHY superman was supscious: while it was part hunch.. he did in fact have valid reason to suspect something was off, and as we saw actually heard the case against his friend first, and only went against it because the evidence was off.. in that the MOON of the planet is still there and should’ve flown off. He and Jonn soon find a MASSIVE device that John identifies as a bigger version of a toy he had as a kid, something that created images... and again shows whya  PROPER investigation was needed. Had the court actually looked into it instead of presuming John guilty, they would’ve found this thing too. Naturally though Kanjar Ro has followed them and wants to kill them.. but with her subplot wrapped up Hawkgirl went to seei f they needed backup, stealing one of the guard ships which given they attacked people on ap lanet iwth a PUBLIC TRIAL going on without haling them yeah don’t blame her, and kicks his ass. Our heroes find out the truth as I mentioned earlier: Ro was paid to lie and be in on things for an assload of money.. byt he Manhutners.. who at the moment are plotting to strike while Oa, the home of the green lanterns is weak, as the Guardians who created them and monitor them mostly left to go to the trial.

As we catch up with them, THe guardians speak on each lantern being trusted with the ring and given little oversight.. because they pick wisely. The prosecutor just wants John to hang, calls for a sentence, which is death and John and Flash nearly die, in case you thought I was pulling those parallels out of my ass. But Superman rushes in, and in a small, subtle gag he and Jonn do so thorugh a small pain of glass put over where they enterted last time, fight off security and save them, and before prosecutor foot in the ass can harumph about it more.. Superman claims jonn’s innocent..a nd has Shiera smash the generator, showing he indeed is, getting John aquitted. John also attacks Ro, who they brought along as a witness, rightfully so, but the League get him to stop as they don’t have time for that: the Guardians are strangely leaving after that, the manhunters are clearly doing something given their asbent, so John retakes his ring, restored to who he was now knowing he truly WAS innocent and was simply set up.. and he wants to find out why. 

We soon get the why as the Guardians explain the manhunters after the League won’t let them just.. brush by after they aburbtly tried to leave. They AREN’T behind the current attack.. but did create them, feeling robots would be better policeman. They were wrong, with the manhunters lacking empathy, being far too military in their job, and generally not being up for it so they simply gave them smaller jobs as bounty hunters, court balifs that sort of thing ans assumed they were fine because they didn’t say anything. As John puts it perfectly “Not outloud. “ And this itself is the other thing that makes the episode work as an allegory, if a very unteitonal one: The Manhunters are the police as they are now, violent brutes with way too much power, no restraint in using it and no ounce of mercy or sympathy for those they protect. And the Guardians rightfully removed this system, and replaced it with the corps. And while the Corps STILL have a lot of leway and power, being free to investigate on their own provided OA dosen’t call them to do someting specific, and given a ring that can do anything within corps guidelines, which basically means “don’t kill” and “don’t be a dick with it”, the guardians still watch them, do not interfere in trials and choose very wisely. not only that ther’es only one officer per sector, each sector being galaxies wide.. but that’s because that’s only what’s NEEDED. One Lantern with the power to take on entire fleets if needed, which is a fair amount of power given the scope of the job, and come in as requested by the people themselves, honestly isn’t a bad system. Granted the corps is wonky from time to time in the comics as are the guaridans depending on the writer, but at it’s core the corps really sounds like a more responsible versoin of the police: given just the gear necessary, the men necessary, and only called in when truly needed or if they spot a crime in process. THat’s what the people protecting us should be like and that’s why this episode still works. 

Obviously though I was aware of none of this as a kid, and the real reason I loved this episode is this climax. The League arrives on Oa just in time to provide backup. Presumibly the guardians there and incoming with the league simply dont have the power to spare to call for reinforcments. Which is weird but fair enough drama wise and our heroes storm the planet , with the corpsmen from before all showing up to pitch in. But John gets there too late as the head manhunter drains the central power battery, the source of the lantern’s powers, and declares I AM THE POWER, refusing to accept he’s out of date.

 And this, folks is the moment that made me love the lanterns for life. John is outgunned, the wise old wrinkled blue men who gave him his powers drained of there, starring down a massive monster planning to subjigate the universe... and he does not blink. See lanterns are picked for their willpower, their abliity to stare down things like this, and fight anyway, their very rings controlled by this, by their own force of personhood. It’s another reason besides logistics why theires only one per sector: it’s that hard to find one. Earth is so remarkable because , even if it’s simply so we could have more stars in the books over time in real world, we produced not ONE person capable of this.. but 7.. Alan Scott whose not in the corps but whose powers stll work on will and could probably use a regular corps ring very much included. John was chosen because he simply won’t give up. He gave up before.. but it was the right thing to do and ultimately biding his timea nd accepting his trial.. gave his friends time to aquit him and prove he was framed. 

But now is not the time to back down.. now’s the time to stand.. so how does John win? By USING his will, by using the reason he was chosen coupled with ihs own personal dedication and concentration, he grabs his ring as it floats toward the guy, takes it back.. and starts reciting the lantern oath. And since the Manhunter is indeed “The power”.. it means he too can be controlled like any lantern energy. and thus with every bit of willpower he has, struggling all the while but not moving a damn inch, John recites his oath and shoves the monster that framed him, and the power he stole, back into the battery, all while saying an oath so badass it has been etched into my head since thanks to this episode. Say it with me now..

In Brightest Day, In Blackest Night No Evil Shall Escape My Sight Let Those Who Worship Evil’s Might BEWARE MY POWER, GREEN LANTERN’S LIGHT!

And the credit goes to phil lamarr, who delivers the oath with all the gravitas and awesomeness it’s first delivery in this continuty it deserves. It was this that made me a lifelong fan: one man with the power of anytihng using PURE MENTAL STRENGTH AND DETERMiINATION TO SHOVE AN EVIL ENERGY BEING IN A GIANT LANTERN WHILE RECITING A BADASS AND AWE INSPIRING OATH. And if that dosen’t sell you on the Green Lantern’s being awesome I can’t help you and don’t know why your here. 

So wrapup time: The Guardians genuinely thank john, saying they choose well, and John brushes off his fellows corpspersons as they should’ve belivied him and thanks the League for having faith in him even when he didn’t. And while the former part has some.. bad implications we’ve gotten into already, I also can’t entirely blame him given they did it not because he might’ve killed someone but again, because 

Precisley. So our heroes prepare to head home, cue the credits. 

Final Thoughts:

So how does this episode hold up 20 years later? As should be obvious, damn well. It’s a good introduction for the corps, if showing them to be kinda assholes in places, and a good spotlight episdoe for John showing who he is what he stands for and again how TRULY MONUMENTALLY BADASS the man is. And lest you think the comics versoin is any LESS badass, he once got into a sniper duel in with Bedovian, a member of the Sinestro Corps and a crab person.. who was as I forgot till looking it up, THREE SECTORS, which i’ll remind you can comprise entire galaxies, away, with a ring made sniper rifle. In one shot no less. Point is even with some.. wonkier aspects, and ones that aren’t intetnional, it still works and is a shockingly relevant episode 19 years later and the fight scenes, as are standard for the series, are overwhelmingly awesome. Check this one out, and the series as a whole. With its great animation, character work and general badassery this one’s worth a few watches. And obviously given my love of this seires, and it’s 20th anniversay next year, and my love of John, check back here for more John-centric episodes throughout the year as we celebrate the guy. And I will also celebrate the green lantern NAMED guy eventually too, and jessica.. and all of them ebcause I love them all. Yes.. even Hal.  As for which John episode i’m doing next? Easy, one that intorduces me to a character I love who dosen’t get used near enough, Metamorphisis. The when I can’t say QUITE yet as my March schedule is full and most of my ongoing projects are on the backburner so I can tackle two arcs of ducktales, which coincidentally happened to be in time for the finale. That wasn’t planned AT ALL mind you, it just ended up working out really well that way.  For now though tommorow I begin my coverage of the final 4 episodes of ducktales with “Beaks in the Shell” and later this week finish up black history month with blacksad, continue my Lena retrospective with a money shark and some pr work, cover the second season of close enough, celebrate Tex Avery’s birthday and also celebrate the new Tom and Jerry movie.. with the OLD tom and jerry movie. Until then, see you next rainbow. 

[marcsalmonds]

Taking a break from historic costuming atm because just thinking about it is making me depressed. I feel so shitty because I invested a load of money into my supplies and patterns and now I'm just like. I cannot do that rn. I think its because I finished my stays mockup and its not right and there's several things I need to fit and I HATE fitting... and I have almost finished breeches but I did some stuff wrong because the pattern (from reconstructing history, do Not buy from them) was so useless and vague so I made it up from many videos and books I had to piece together. I have the laughing moon pattern now but I dunno starting new projects is annoying because I get to finished mockup and then I'm sick of it because I've done it all and it doesn't fit and I have to do a load of stuff and then do it again. And then I got into lolita fashion again and it's like. peak special interest time and I want to spend all my spare money on it immediately but I'm trying to fight it because I'm scared I'm gonna suddenly not like it anymore like with this. obviously I still love all costuming and history its not gone away but it is not making me happy rn. Idk its something that is not really talked about with autism.. I mean the way I experience special interests does seem quite like the people who have adhd have described theirs. whatever it is it happens and it sucks because you're like ok i better not enjoy this thing that I must devote my entire life to rn TOO MUCH because if I'm not careful I will not care about it at all in half a year or less. My special interests come back at the most random times as well I know I shouldn't be concerned with not wanting to do historic costuming again because I've been consistently into it in the background over like. a decade probably more because I always liked looking at clothing in museums since I can remember. But its really hard to envisage that it the future when your brain makes you feel like how you feel now is PERMANENT.

Also lolita isn't a passing fad really I got so into it when I was 12-13 but I just didnt have any community or money to facilitate it, and thr rejection sensitive dysphoria I got from the disapproval from my family (which probably wasn't as bad as it felt, like I said rsd, as they let me buy dresses online and even ordered some on my behalf for my birthday. But they were always like PLEASE be less weird no wonder you are bullied sort of subtext to how they interacted with it. as an undiagnosed autistic person I had a bad time socially and many other ways as a kid). I think that's why it's taken so long for this one to come back. It's not like its out of the realm of what I was already doing because there's a lot of historically inspired elements I can bring my skills too and the corset I made already would work so well in a coord. Now I'm a man, and a fat hairy one at that, it feels like its even more difficult to wear that fashion and I'm like realistically what rare times would I even get to wear it, so it makes the expense of it seem even more extravagant. I've been struggling with gender expression for a while because I want to be an ethereal androgynous twink but I look like matt berry (hot) but not how I feel matched my actual gender. idk when I was a teen I wanted so badly to be an emo twink and be able to "cross dress" at will and still look sexy. I have internalised things with feeling like a fat bearded man in a dress is cringe and gross and predatory...thank you society.

This is a ramble fuck can you tell I had to reduce my antidepressants dosage because of an inexplicably cancelled prescription renewal or what. Hope I feel better soon jesus ..

[mrssfl5509]

This is the story of one of the greatest trails in Chicago Illinois. Three young boys and an obsession with the “perfect crime”. I will be writing and interesting my thoughts and feelings about this story while researching and writing this story. This is not a story I wrote from imagination, this horrific tale is based on a true story beginning when….

Nathan Freudenthal Leopold Jr. was born, November 19 1909. He was the son of a wealthy Jewish German immigrant. During his earlier days, Leopold was bullied in school and had a very hard time making friends. However, Leopold had extreme intelligence and sped through school at an expeditious rate, (Yassss, you boys gooo!!!). Due to which gave him quite the ego. He became cocky and felt he could do whatever he pleased because he was smart and wealthy. (not what I meant Leopold).

Unfortunately, it isn’t said if he showed any aggression (I could almost find nothing about Leopold’s behavior as a child) until he was 12 when he was allegedly sexually abused by Governess, mathilda. (ew) Later his family moved to Kenwood, (a suburb in Chicago), where his educational development continued to increase rapidly. By the age of fifteen years old, Leopold was attending the University of Chicago. (Proud).  In 1920 while attending college as a law prodigy, he met Richard Albert Loeb. Better known as “Dicky”. 

At this point of the research I was stunned! I mean college at 15? That kid is crazy smart. I felt as if Leopold was the victim based on his childhood. I wondered what role Dickie would play.   

Richard Albert “Dicky” Loeb was born, June 11 1905. He was the third of four sons of a wealthy Jewish lawyer. (so basically everyone in this story is hella rich.) Loeb was also filled to the brim with knowledge. He skipped several grades through school and began attending the University of Chicago at only 14 years old. (How? All i wanna know is how?) As a child Loeb was fascinated with crime and it is said he showed more sinister sides of himself. He would fantasize about committing crimes and even made a fantasy life as a criminal master. Loebs favorite fantasies consisted of arson and theft. 

Okay, but how did no one see these red flags!? At 14!? 

In 1921 he transferred to the University of Michigan. With a spotty education track and also suffering from an addiction to alcohol, Loeb became the youngest graduate in the history of the University of Michigan at the age of seventeen.

At this point reading and having to write that made me extremely sad. The boy was doing great and to hear about someone so young having to go through such a rough part of life, it made me feel disappointed and sad for Loeb.

After graduating from Michigan, Loeb returned to Chicago and renewed his friendship with leopold. Leopold and Loeb became even better friends but had a very rocky relationship. Loeppold was said to have contemplated killing loeb for a breach of confidentiality. (Leopold, what? At this point i felt as if leopold was the killer instead of the victim because who is so heartless to seriously think about doing that to someone?.) That was until Leopold became obsessed with Loeb and it was in no way a secret. ( by “obsessed” I mean REALLY OBSESSED). The two quickly became inseparable and had a sexual relationship. Leopold being obsessed with Loeb and Loeb being obsessed with crime it was only a matter of time before they crafted what Loeb yearned to be the “perfect crime”.   

So obviously I was shocked because I thought Leopold was the victim. I never expected Loeb to feel the same about Leopold and I was definitely wondering who was the victim of these two truly evil young boys.

Leopold would commit petty crimes and thefts in exchange for sexual favors from Loeb. Together the two planned and put together their intentions. After months of planning, Leopold and Loeb decided they were to Kidnap the son of a wealthy family, hold him for ransom, and throw him off a moving train at a designated spot. (i thought it was a mess and they were still gonna kill the kid). Neither Loeb nor Loepold had wants to murder their victim (I figured Loeb being obsessed with crime would make him want to) but they wanted to minimalize the possibility of being identified. Ready to take action the two young boys sought out a victim. They settled on Bobby Franks. Who was 14, a Student at Harvard school for boys, and a son of a successful Chicago businessman. Not to mention Richard Loeb's neighbor AND distant cousin! 

On May 21 1924 Leopold and Loeb began preparations, renting a Willys-Knight automobile and covering its plates. Closer to 5 o'Clock Bobby began walking home when Loeb lured Bobby into the car to talk about a new tennis racket. With Franks in the front passenger seat, ( I thought it was odd that Franks got into the front seat instead of sitting in the back with Loeb.) the car's tires squealed as they fled the area. Loeb quickly reached around the seat to muffle Franks’ mouth while hitting him repeatedly in the head with a chisel. Dragging Franks into the back seat, (stuffing a cloth in his mouth), and covering him with blankets Leopold suggests getting dinner. Unable to move, dying, or already dead, lay Bobby in the back seat of the rental car.

This part of the story makes me extremely sad, only 14 and your life taken by two other boys.

After eating and ensuring Bobby franks was dead Leopold and Loeb began stripping his clothes off and pouring hydrochloric acid on his body. (They said it was to make the body less identifiable. They did a horrible job.) Having trouble hiding the body leopold takes off his jacket to “maneuver” better. After hiding the body in a cement drainage culvert the two young boys fled back to leopold home where they called Bobby's parents demanding 10,000 dollars in ransom. Telling lies to the boy's parents about him being unharmed they sent ransom notes. The plan was to have Bobby’s father get into a taxi and go to a specific place to put the money. However, the boys were running a little late, when the ransom notes arrived with the taxi cab Bobby's father was finishing a call with the local police department. Bobby Franks’ body had been found. 

So these two idiots left a foot hanging out of some shrubs they used to cover the entrance of the culvert.

Leopold and Loeb wanted money, but received only questions when police found a pair of Leopold’s sunglasses next to the body. They were traced back to Nathan Leopold and the boys were arrested may 31 1924 at the ages of 18 (Loeb) and 19 (leopold) years old.

Throwing their lives away at such a young age and how do you find it in your heart as a child to kill someone?

July 21 1924 the Leopold and Loeb trial began with Clarence Darrow as the boy's lawyer. ( yea yea the famous Clarence Darrow that's the one.). Darrow's goal? Save the boys from the death penalty. The boys were questioned on the stand, Loeb Confessing first followed by Leopold. Both stories matched up to the only one point in the case. Who killed Bobby Franks?     reading and writing about this part confused me. Neither boy would confess, but if Loeb wanted to be known getting away with the “perfect crime” why wouldn't he confess and let everyone know?

With both boys blaming each other, Leopold begged Loeb to admit to killing Franks. Unfortunately for Leopold, Loeb responded with “mompsie feels less terrible than she might, thinking you did it and i'm not going to take that shred of comfort away from her”.(I thought this was so evil of Loeb to do to Leopold. It amused me.)

Clarence Darrow suggested a traditional insanity defense by Switching the boy's pleas from “not guilty” to “guilty”. (this way the jury couldnt try them on two separate charges for the death penalty. Their plan was if one didnt work try the other and get the death penalty). Darrow did indeed wave the death penalty for the boys. Ultimately the boys were sentenced, September 10 1924, life + ninety nine years imprisonment. Served in stateville penitentiary. Leopold was released on parole in 1958. He later died of a diabetes related heart attack at the age of 66. (This also amused me, why would they let this guy out?). Loeb served his whole life in prison, dying on January 28 1836 at age 30. Loebs death was ruled a homicide from 58 inflicted wounds from a razor attack by a cell mate. (The reasoning for the attack was never found as far as my source applied.)

The story of the death of Bobby franks and Leopold and Loebs murder was fallowed and read all across Chicago and stunned the entire city. This horrific tale almost ever got justice, however the universe avenged Franks and fortunately Leopold and Loeb were punished for their hideous actions.I hope u were interested and enjoyed reading todays IN MY WORDS!!!  Thank you for reading!

                                                 - MrsSFL5509

[dvp95]

quiet on widow’s peak (3)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, youtuber phil lester, dan howell is not a youtuber, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 3.1k (this chapter), 9.5k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

Interviews used to be Phil's least favourite part of this job. The research was always captivating, the filming was always fun, the editing was always challenging, but talking? To people? About things? Absolutely not.

He still doesn't love doing it, but he's long past the point of begging Martyn or Ian to pretend to be him on the phone.

The curtains in Phil's room are open for once, letting natural light in so he doesn't look as dark on the Skype screen. His eyes keep drifting to himself, distracting him as he tries to fix his hair or laments not getting out of his pyjamas. This is his fourth interview of the day, and he's starting to hate the process with a renewed fervour.

"Okay, thank you," he says, clicking out of the screen record window. "Can I message you here if I have any further questions, or would you prefer this to be your final statement?"

"Oh, um," the girl says, her eyes round with some kind of emotion that Phil can't be bothered to parse. "No, no, that's... that's all I saw. I don't have anything else. But you can still... message me, if you like."

Ah. Phil makes a face that he hopes reads as apologetic and not panicked. "No, I - sorry. Gay. Just interested in your ghost."

"Oh!" she says again, looking more puzzled than Phil thinks she has any right to after a forty minute conversation where he mostly just asked her clarifying questions that she kept dodging. She tucks some of her long hair behind her ear and shakes her head. "Sorry, that's just - you haven't said that online."

Phil isn't very good at knowing when people are lying to him, but now he's definitely suspicious of the half-assed testimony he'd gotten from this girl. He sighs. "Okay, you know who I am, then?"

"I mean, I looked you up when you messaged me about a video and all," she says. "Wanted to know if you were a creep or, like, legit."

Okay, that's fair enough. Phil supposes that if he were a girl in uni and a stranger asked to video chat, he'd also do a little digging first. He still doesn't quite believe her story, though - most of it matches what she'd written on Facebook, word for word, and she didn't go into detail on anything she claimed happened.

"Right, of course," says Phil, feeling awkward and exposed.

Her eyes are wide and blue and she can see into his room, into his life, and she's giving him this look like she thinks she knows something about him. He hates this feeling.

"That a secret, then?" she asks.

"No," Phil says. "It's just not relevant to my job. I don't have a lot of ghouls asking me out."

She doesn't laugh. Phil is getting more and more uncomfortable by the second, and he's wondering if it's worth it to hang up on a potential lead - no matter how dubious her claims - when she says, "Well, alright. I won't tell anyone anyway."

"Thanks," Phil says automatically. He doesn't particularly care if she does or not, but he does want this call to end as soon as possible. "And thanks for your time. Message me if you think of anything else you forgot to mention about the Wilkins place or if you know of someone who's seen something."

Before she can even respond, Phil hits end on the call and groans, resting his forehead on his thumbs for a moment.

Unsurprisingly, this is giving him a migraine. It doesn't take much to make the twinge of a headache turn to insistent throbbing, because Phil's body hates him and overreacts to everything.

Phil takes a couple of deep breaths before he comes out of hiding. He attaches the final screen recording to the email he's already got open and ready to send to Martyn. After a moment's thought, he CCs PJ and Sophie in and adds, Nobody sounds credible except the second person to me, so... it's not looking good lol, before hitting send.

He takes off his glasses and rubs at his eyes for a moment. Interviews are still draining for him, especially when they don't go as planned, and Phil's starting to get the impression that there's nothing to even find at the Wilkins place.

But. Phil pauses, considers his options. He hasn't interviewed everyone, has he.

Before he can talk himself out of it, Phil shoves his glasses unceremoniously back onto his face and opens Tumblr. Winnie hasn't said anything to him so far today, so Phil feels only a little like he's bothering them when he shoots off a quick, Hey! I just finished interviewing the sources you gave me and most of them aren't very promising. Would you consider letting me ask you some questions to round out the video?

me?????, Winnie replies almost immediately. i didnt even see anything?? like im happy to answer questions but idk how much use ill b in an INTERVIEW

I know! And you don't have to lmao so don't feel pressured or anything but you know so much more about the place than they do. Everyone claimed that they didn't know other people were having paranormal experiences.

oh bullshit, Winnie says. Phil is surprised into a huff of laughter.

There's a part of Phil, fuelled by anxiety and uncertainty, that worries Winnie is just pulling an elaborate joke on him. That part of him feels a little more at ease every time he actually talks to Winnie. They just seem... genuine. And maybe Martyn would disagree, would blame Phil's desperation to see the best in people, but there's a reason Phil doesn't tell Martyn everything.

Before Phil can agree with Winnie's colourful derision, his laptop beeps again. i look like an ogre rn but i can voice chat if you rly think itll help

It would!!, Phil assures them. The tender spot behind his eyes twinges again, serving as a reminder. Can I call in like an hour? I've got a headache from the screen lol

sure i really have nothing else going on today

--

So it's later in the day, late afternoon light still streaking through Phil's window, when Phil sits back down at his computer and adds the Skype username Winnie gave him. His head still hurts a bit, but it isn't all-consuming now that he's had another coffee and some painkillers. The padded headphones feel good to put over his ears, blocking out most of the typical noises from such a full house and a busy street, and Phil just sits in the blissful quiet for a moment before he sends a voice call request.

It gets picked up almost immediately, and Phil presses a smile into his palm before he says, "Hi! Can you hear me alright?"

There's a beat. Phil waits, in case Skype is lagging as usual, but he's opening his mouth to repeat himself by the time he gets a response.

"Yeah," says Winnie. "I can hear you."

Phil isn't really proud of himself for being surprised by Winnie's voice. It's just. He knows his viewer demographics, okay, and he has a rough grasp on Tumblr demographics, and the name - alright. It isn't his proudest moment, is his point, because he's expecting a much higher pitch for absolutely no good reason.

In addition to that, his brain automatically tries to classify Winnie's voice as very obviously masculine, and Phil has to push back against that.

"I can hear you, too," Phil says cheerfully, not allowing his anxieties to spill over into the conversation.

"That's good, probably," Winnie says. There's another beat of silence, and then a huff that might be laughter or a sigh comes through Phil's headphones. "Sorry, I - I'm not trying to be fucking weird, this is just surreal."

"Is it?" Phil hums. "But I haven't even asked you about ghosts yet."

A snort - definitely laughter, this time - follows, and Phil is so glad that he's able to put Winnie at ease even if his brain is betraying him. "That's true. I guess it's gotta get weirder from here."

"That's kind of, like, the subtitle of my whole channel," says Phil. After a moment, he frowns. "Subtitle? No. What's the thing, on the poster -"

"Tagline," says Winnie. They sound so amused and warm and, okay, they've got a nice voice. That's not gendered. Phil can think that. "You're thinking of a tagline, you buffoon."

"Tagline," Phil echoes gratefully.

"Don't you," Winnie starts, then stops abruptly. They don't finish the sentence, but Phil can kind of guess what they were going to say. There's the sound of some rustling, like Winnie is getting comfortable, before they change tacks. "Again, I didn't see any of this alleged ghostly activity with my own eyes, but I know the hot goss."

Phil opens the recording program out of habit, nodding even though Winnie can't see him. "That's still really useful at this point," he says encouragingly. He clicks a couple of buttons. "And, yes, I do have an English degree. Thank you for not asking."

Winnie laughs, the sound of it filling Phil's headphones and making it feel like they're in the room with him. It's warm, like everything else about their voice, and absolutely contagious.

"I didn't want you to think I was, like, a big stalker," Winnie says, and Phil can hear the grin in their voice.

"Eh, I know you watch my videos," says Phil. "So I figure you know some stuff about me. You probably know that I'm going to ask this, too, but - is it okay if I record our conversation? I don't need to include it in the video if you don't want me to, but it's still useful for me if I don't so I can, like, actually remember the things you told me."

"Yeah, sure," Winnie agrees easily. They hesitate, for a moment, and Phil waits for whatever the caveat will be. "Uh, can I still swear?"

The question surprises Phil into laughing. "Yeah, you're fine. I can bleep them out."

"Then I am all for it. Ask me the ghost questions, ghost man."

Phil presses record and glances down at his notebook, where he's scrawled some disjointed questions alongside his usual doodling. "Uh, okay. Yes. I am totally a professional."

"If you say so, mate," says Winnie.

"Hush. Okay." Phil finally gets his brain back on track and taps his pen against a question near the end of his list. "So, Winnie, you did all this research into the Wilkins place on your own downtime, but you mentioned that you've been hearing murmurs about it for a while, right?"

"Not that long, actually, I've only been hearing about it since term started," Winnie says, and Phil is struck by how comfortable they suddenly are now that there's a guideline. Or, maybe, now that there's a non-Phil audience. "Which I thought was pretty weird, since I'd been there a couple times since I moved here, and it's a spooky fucking place but nothing to write home about."

That's more or less exactly how Phil feels about the situation, except that he doesn't remember the Wilkins place to be scary at all. Maybe it's gotten worse in the years since, or maybe he's just got a higher threshold for empty, decrepit homes than Winnie does. Either way, he's not sure if he should be relieved or suspicious that their thoughts on it mirror his own so well. He starts a spiral in the corner of his page as he considers the answer.

"So, you never got the impression that it was haunted before?"

"I - can I be perfectly honest?" Winnie asks, and then doesn't wait for a response. "I don't get the impression that it's haunted now. I dunno if people are just making shit up or if they're doing too many drugs, but we all know that ghosts don't actually exist."

Phil snorts. He does have a fairly large number of skeptics who watch his videos to argue in the comments about logical explanations for his findings or to just enjoy watching him fail so much, but he hadn't really expected that from someone who sent him a sourced essay on the topic of ghosts.

He's recording right now, so he's not about to give away the fact that, yeah, he kind of does agree with Winnie on this one. Instead, he keeps his tone neutral and says, "You don't believe in ghosts."

"I don't believe in most things that can't be explained by science," Winnie says, so matter-of-fact that Phil has to smile.

"I don't really believe in science," Phil says, mild.

A beat. "Excuse me?"

"I said I don't believe in science," Phil repeats, doubling down on the joke so he can hear that incredulous pitch of Winnie's nice voice again. "I mean, isn't it all just as made-up as anything else? People just tell us stuff exists and we have to believe them?"

"We believe them," Winnie says slowly, "because it's a fact."

"How do I know that?" Phil asks. He knows how off track he's already gotten, and he decides to cut this part out before he sends the file to Martyn or his friends.

"Because you can. See it. With your eyes." The genuine bewilderment in Winnie's voice is very funny. "Like. What the fuck, Phil. If someone drops an apple and it hits the ground and they're like, 'oh that's gravity', how are you supposed to say, 'uh, no it ain't'?"

Phil leans back in his chair a bit, his spiral turning into an apple. "Because, what if that's just what the apple wanted to do? It's not like we know any of this for sure, Winnie."

"You're fucking with me," Winnie says, but they don't sound very certain.

"I am," Phil admits happily. "Do you remember the first incident that kicked off the Wilkins place rumours?"

"You," Winnie says, and then cackles. They lean away from their mic as they do, but the sound of it still makes Phil feel some secondhand giddiness. He wonders if their laugh has a volume limit, or if it's just going to keep getting louder the funnier Phil is. He is so tempted to put that to the test. "Fuck. You little fucker."

Phil hides his own giggle in the palm of his hand and clears his throat, trying to get back into the professional mindset he'd forced himself to be in for the four earlier interviews.

"Do you need me to repeat the question?" Phil asks. He can't resist teasing, just a bit.

"No, fuck off," Winnie chuckles. They take a deep breath and let it out on a hum, low and thoughtful. "So, there was this shindig during fresher's, which I obviously didn't go to because I'm not a fresher and I'm too old to go to shindigs, but people were talking about how the house was making weird noises. A girl I know - I linked you to her Reddit post - said she saw someone just standing outside the window watching them, but, like, is that really a supernatural occurrence in Rusholme?"

"It's not. And she hit on me as well, so I'm not sure her judgement is trustworthy."

"Sounds like her. Sorry. Anyway, nobody really thought 'ghosts' as much as they thought 'rats in the walls and a pervert on the street', but then - this one didn't get spoken about online. I don't even know how valid it is."

"Word of mouth is how most ghost stories get passed," says Phil. "I'm not going to hold you to citations on rumours."

Winnie huffs a laugh. It's soft, quiet, and Phil almost wishes he could say something ridiculous to make them cackle again. Unfortunately, he has a job to do.

"Fair enough. Well, some idiots spent the night there to see if anything weird would happen," Winnie says, and Phil feels a bit attacked, "and three separate dudes had sleep paralysis."

Phil hums and jots some messy notes down. "In the same night?"

"At the same time," Winnie corrects him. "The other idiots were trying to wake them up for a long time, apparently. They're convinced that the guys who fell asleep were just pulling a prank on them, and maybe they were, but that's when the ball really got rolling."

Out of everything Phil has heard today, this is the most compelling story so far. Maybe that's a good indicator of the Manchester students being full of it - maybe there truly is nothing to find in the Wilkins place - but it piques Phil's interest anyway.

"For someone who only believes in cold, hard science, you're good at telling ghost stories," Phil says.

"Thanks," Winnie says, sounding pleased with themselves. "Learned from the best."

Phil is suddenly very, very glad that this isn't a video call, because he can't stop himself from smiling like an idiot. "Oh, is that what they're calling me?"

Another cackle. Phil doesn't remember the last time he made someone laugh so much without tripping over his own clown feet.

"I never said I was talking about you."

"Uh huh."

"Oh, shut up," says Winnie, and Phil can still hear the laughter in their voice. "Don't you have a bunch of questions to ask or something?"

Phil does. He has a whole list of questions that he should be following. He chews on his pen and looks at the doodle-covered list of things he's meant to ask Winnie. His head still hurts - maybe the extra caffeine didn't help after all - and all he really wants to do is take a nap.

"Yeah," Phil says, reluctant. "I've just got, like, a migraine. Can I call you back another time? This was a really great start."

"Oh, yeah, sure," says Winnie. They've dropped their voice down to something soft, like they're worried that they'll make Phil's headache worse.

"I'm actually going up to check the place out this weekend." Phil isn't sure what makes him say that. He meets up with sources in person, sometimes, but usually only if they've seen something with their own eyes. He just feels comfortable talking to Winnie, far more than he'd felt talking to the other students he'd interviewed today.

Phil doesn't actually extend the invitation, and Winnie either doesn't pick up the hint or doesn't care to.

"That'll be good," they say, still soft. "Get some rest, Phil, you can call me back when your brain stops trying to drill a hole through your temple."

After Phil says goodbye and hangs up, he sits at his desk for a long moment. It feels too quiet, all of a sudden, his padded headphones blocking out all the ambient noise around him. It's good for his head, but Phil is still weirdly disappointed.

[book-of-ryker]

When the Navy found out I smoked marijuana, I was at a firing range. I had an M-4 and an M-9, one being an automatic rifle, the other a pistol.

They disarmed me immediately, and I remember knowing why they did.

In the twenty seconds it took me to walk over to the disarming barrel, my thoughts were, “Pull the pistol out, put the barrel in your mouth and pull the trigger” for as many times I could mentally repeat before I lost the opportunity. I called my dad while a Chief was on his way to pick me up.

After the phone call, I deleted all of my Facebook messages at the recommendation of my father.

All of my text messages. too. My dad swore the Chief wasn’t my friend, and would screw me over at his first chance and not to tell him anything, at all.

The deleted threads of conversations with people who either didn’t exist anymore, or we had stopped talking.

I must have chain smoked about fifteen cigarettes in the hour and a half it took for this Chief to arrive.

All the while, I had been wishing that I had the courage to just pull that fucking trigger.

That anxiety was unbearable.

I went to a DRB, which is where I stand in front of a bunch of senior enlisted military.

At first, I came in with my shoulders back , military discipline and all. At the end, I was escorted out by a compassionate Master Chief, and I was bawling.

I have wanted to kill myself for as far back as I can remember. I smoked weed because all of my pain in life is unbearable and my mind never shuts the fuck up.

I don’t understand reality the way everyone seems to and it’s isolating, like being in the dimension next door.

"Most everyone who doesn’t know me resents me. Most everyone who knows me tolerates me," I tell myself.

I sat outside and cried, blubbering to these senior enlisted folks.

As a Second Class Petty Officer with all of the skills that I had possessed. I was in the United States Navy for five long years, and nine excruciating months and two awkward days.

I had been to mental health multiple times in my  Naval career. The first psychiatrist that I ever spoke to was at NATTC Pensacola.

It’s not even six months of me getting out of the Navy now...

My present life finds me in this bed at some house in South Carolina, Like a muscle, those words stream across my mind like a teleprompter, “You should have died on that day. You should have fucking killed yourself.”

And for myself, I finally gave myself the courage to tell myself, “No.” "I love you for just who you are. I love the way you think, I love the way you handle thing[s] (most of the time ^.^), I love what you do. You have a very solid and strong mind, you think things through very thoroughly, and you have a very good outward perspective. I don't know if that helps, but that's the best I can come up with while working." Let me tell you what I think happened before I tell you why I think we should reconnect. I'm 26 years old and the one and only thing in my life that I regret, to this day, is what I once said simply to hurt you. I was an awful boyfriend for you. Not all of the time, obviously. But my only regret comes from when I said out of annoyance and irresponsibility, 'I guess you're going to have to celebrate Thanksgiving without your boyfriend or your mom.." You eyes glazed over me. You slumped over. And you sobbed. I walked towards you and hugged you because that sort of rage-to-regret is exactly the kind of Bipolar Disorder that I am used to. It's been my entire life, Nicole. It's all I have ever known. Albeit, the worst of it all is over and I'm just waiting for all of my hopes and dreams to bloom into the flowers I have been cultivating. The night we went to Twin Peaks was the night you said goodbye, even though you never did. You and I both are aware that we would come across each other someday, I think. I don't have any proof for that delusion/hope, but hey, I don't know everything which means I have unfettered access to being totally wrong and totally right, until one of us is deceased. I do remember being in absolute bliss that night we met up and you were drunk with me in the Whataburger drive through and that's about all I have for that. Mike and I moved out of the house because we wouldn't be able to renew the lease before I had to get my new job in the Navy. I moved into an apartment on the second floor and I got a dog named Itachi. I did loads of LSD that I'd gotten and I had a REALLY FUCKING AWFUL TRIP with Hailey Campbell (also tripping) and Rian Nobles (not tripping). I went to my grandmother's funeral in New York with my Dad and Alex. I found out that my photographic memory is real because I reminded my Uncle about the fit my brother went into at the LAST funeral we gathered. Which was Renee's. I lived with Lauren Teston for a long time after that. I started smoking weed because, Nicole, I didn't know what to do.. Everyone has always left me, and I only NOW understand why: me. But I didnt see it like that. It didn't feel like that.. It didn't feel like I had an emotional problem. I didn't know. But in retrospect, Nicole, my emotions felt like a chainsaw to my insides. Our breakup was the healthiest breakup for me, and it was also the worst. (2020 readers, it got way worse) I didn't leave for California until right before October 10, 2016. I was trained to be an Engine Mechanic by the Seabees and I learned a fuck ton about cars. I did more PT than anywhere else in my military career. Every Friday was a 4:30 A.M., seven mile run with the whole school. Really, it was a fourteen mile run, but it makes me sound less of a douche if I say seven, maybe. I came home on leave for Christmas and I smoked even more weed. I came back to California to finish my school. Byy the way, there were two onomatopoeia's in a barracks room together: Petty Officer Quackenbush and Petty officer Miao (this or 'mao' is also the Chinese word for cat") I left Port Hueneme after meeting Johnny Depp in L.A. I drove, for the third time, across the country. I was at Gulfport, Mississippi for a few months, learning combat procedures with the Seabees. I pissed hot in Gulfport. I wrote a poem that I'll attach later about what that was like. I went to some military proceedings, reduced in rank,  lost a lot of money, had to go to two different hospitals for one month. I first went to Garden Park Hospital for a suicide watch that I had been placed under after the military proceedings had broken me down to where I couldn't take it anymore. I bawled my eyes out to men I'd never met because I could no longer believe that people didn't care about me. I was suicidal given the circumstances, but I was suicidal before I ever got caught smoking. The only reason I smoked was because I didn't want to be suicidal. A 51 year old woman tells me at this place that she, "Would be surprised if I never heard of you again. I stayed at Emerald Coast Behavioral Health (This is when I called you in 2017) and I learned an entirely different way of living. I was told that I have Bipolar Disorder I, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety, Osteochrondroma in the left knee. I was told a handful of tools to help myself become a better person. I then went to restriction, which is where a person is constantly monitoring me while I do nothing but work and survive. I did that for forty five days which dragged forever. I left. I stayed with my dad and I had a good first month out of the Navy. I was happy. I was excited and nervous and terrified. I smoked SO much more weed. I drank SO much more booze. And cigarettes. I was helping my dad build a deck in the backyard. My car was repossessed about one and one half months after getting out. I had nothing. I started working under the table as a contractor for a few months, but my mom and I got into a fight and I was kicked out of the house for the second and last time of my life. I moved in and slept on a friends floor. He had a bum knee from a recent surgery and so I quasi-morphed into his at-home nurse. Started doing dabs and malt liquor with friends. Eating popcorn for food, drawing outside for five hours, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. I did this for a month until my depression (booze) had become evil. I tried hanging myself on a dog line and I had to leave their house.. I stayed with my dude Sam for a few days and then moved in with my brother for a day. I feel nothing for him anymore, and so I really dont want to elaborate about this because he will always be a peace of shit. I went to a music festival that got shutdown by a hurricane. I got to do LSD/blow/weed for free because I was working security and I have worked with the team before. Hell, the guy in charge personally handed me $275 because of how badass of a watchstander I am. I then migrated to Asheville, North Carolina where my eyes were opened to the world we live in. And how great a thing love is, Nicole Renee Gable. But after this, I really had nowhere to go. That is until I remembered that I knew a guy from when I was in Japan.. We only ever really interacted in the smokepits. After he found out I had been sleeping on the floor of my friends house, he told me that if I was ever in South Carolina that he had a guest bedroom waiting for me. I lived with him and his wife and their son while I got a job as a forklift driver at BMW. I got another car (since been repossessed, not as debilitating for me now). I moved out and lived with a dude that I thought was a friend. He ended up being a real twat of a motherfucker. Before I knew he was a real dullard, I left BMW about two weeks of me living with him. It was too military.A HUGE millitary-industrial complex. He fucked me over so that I had nowhere to go and I didnt have a job. He left. I had the apartment by myself. It was a blur of events past that. Between the weed, the booze and the mental health issues, I am grateful to be writing this. This guy's stripper girlfriend (Her name is Sam and she's nice as well as bananas) came to find me in a fucked up mess of my own doing at the apartment. After I came to, she and I decided that I needed to check myself into a mental health center. With no insurance. I had only a few boxes of stuff (I drove down to Florida at one point to get my shit). After I was in for a week (I know what I'm about and the solutions I need), I got a job working as a cook in a strip club. The BEST job I ever had because I actually made some good money. (30 girls dancing in one night with $5 tips to me is a lot of moolah) However, I didnt make enough money to stay. I only made enough money to leave. I bought two edibles and had a nice relaxing eight hour drive to a friend's house in Pennsacola We had a personal falling out/disagreement. I worked as a line cook at Slimz at the Al Fresco in Pensacola. I saved up money to come out to California. I'm with one of my few best friends, Tymothy. Upon my arrival here, my car was repossessed (I bought in South Carolina, which is fucking crazy that they found me). My life is coming together though, Nicole. I am generally happy in my day to day lifestyle. I'm hoping to be officially retired from working for the rest of my life within this next year. It turns out that there was A HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE scandal in the Navy and I'm going to use my genius mind to collect the disability that I deserve. Monthly, that payment could land anywhere between $800-2900.. For the rest of my life. I have an amazing home loan that I will get to use once the ball has begun rolling. Nicole, I really dont think I love you as much as I should have and that bothers me. Not in a negative way, at all. It makes me feel like I need to write this email to you. Like I owe you more for what you gave me, Nicole Gable. You might not see it, Nicole. The only reason I ever went along with the mental health is so that we could have a healthy relationship together. Whatever that even fucking means as far as the definition goes. Hell, for all I know, you could be seriously dead or worse. You could be dating somebody.. 😝 I havent dated anyone quite seriously. I've been on a couple of dates here and there, but I just didn't/don't care. I hope that all of these women find someone that loves them as much as I know I can love you someday, if you could ever trust me... If you're with someone, I seriously hope they love you as much as space-time can hold matter and energy and light and dark matter. The greatest lesson I have learned since we spoke last is that we will live our lives from the shades of fear and the radiations of love. I love and accept myself now. I love myself exactly how you once loved me. I don't know where on this rock you are, but if you'd like to never have to work again, please reach out to me. I would be honored, if you would ever be willing. It's still going to be a few months, so you can think about this for awhile..? If you ever wanted to live in California with me someday, I mean. Hell, we could be roomates. You could wear chastity belts and Amish outfits all year round . I don't know anything.. I hope that this email finds you well. I hope it has given you smiles. I hope you have a blessed day. [Update]  It is now the year 2020.  I am.  The world is the world. Hell is hell.  We’re all stuck on a rock in the middle of nowhere.  If there’s someone reading this, be aware: you do not exist. This is my spaceship.

[overanalyzingelswordiswhatido]

Getting In Trouble

Part 7 of A Little Less Lonely

-

"You two can stay here until we're done."

Chance nodded to his father. It was a warm day for winter. The only chill was a brisk breeze that was mostly blocked by the building.

"Yes, Father," his older sister responded expressionlessly.

"Do not upset your sister, Chance," his mother commanded firmly.

"Adriana." Chance's father gave his mother a disapproving look before he could even acknowledge what she told him. "Chance would never do anything to upset Shanya and we both know that." He turned his attention back to his two kids, "Feel free to go inside and get something to eat and drink. Your mother and I will be back once the renewal of the treaty has been completed."

"Why can't we go with you?" Shanya tried again to convince their parents to let her into the meeting, "It would be an invaluable learning experience."

"We could at least let Shanya-"

"Unfortunately children aren't allowed in official diplomatic meetings." Their father put his hand on top of Shanya's head, "We don't make the rules. We'll practice these sorts of meetings in time. For now the focus will remain on your training. We won't be long. Senace and the Nasod Kingdom have had good relations for over five thousand years. This is simply a formality."

Shanya looked down, "Yes Father."

Chance watched his parents cross the street. They ate before leaving the house so he wasn't hungry. He turned to his sister and awkwardly suggested, "Do you wanna sit here where there's less wind or..." He trailed off as she walked silently away. With a quiet sigh he sat down in the seat closest to him. He brought a few books along to read while he waited.

Chance found it difficult to focus on his books with his sister's glare boring into him from where she sat next to the other side of the building. It had been just over a year since he accidentally took the Guardian Stone from her and she hadn't spoken a word to him since.

"Come on. Why do I have to stay outside when it's just a stupid formality?" Chance's attention was drawn away from his sister by a loud boy's complaining. He turned to look and saw a boy in a black hoodie that looked much too light for snow talking to a woman Chance didn't recognize.

"Because. Children are not allowed into official diplomatic meetings. It won't be long. You just need to stay out of trouble," the woman explained. It sounded like they had had this conversation multiple times already.

"Of course I won't get in trouble!"

"Last time you told me that was in Velder and I had to bail you out of prison," the woman commented mildly.

Chance's eyes widened.

The boy pouted and looked away from her, "How was I supposed to know putting bleach in that asshole's toilet wasn't going to end well?"

The woman didn't seem impressed, "Please stay out of trouble. This one won't be nearly as long as the one in Velder."

"Fine. Fine." The boy jerked his head in Chance's direction, "I'll just go talk to that kid over there."

Chance snapped his attention back to his book. He didn't think he wanted that kid talking to him. Before he finished the page, the boy called out, "Hey, you. If you're gonna eavesdrop on a conversation maybe don't stare at the people that are having it. That's a good way to get caught."

Chance glanced at the boy, "Sorry. I didn't mean to eavesdrop."

The boy laughed. He set the white cat in his arms on the table and motioned to the other side of the building, "What's with her? She's been glaring at you this whole time."

Chance glanced at his sister. He shrugged and mumbled, "I took the Guardian Stone from her."

The boy frowned and looked from Chance to his sister and back again. "What?"

Chance shrugged, "She worked really hard. And she was supposed to bond with the Guardian Stone but it didn't accept her. She got upset and Mother told me to fetch it back for her and when I touched it, it activated."

The boy laughed, "What?! She's mad that a sentient rock didn't like her? If it has the power to choose people then it's literally impossible for you to have 'taken' it from her or whatever."

Chance shook his head, "That's not it! She worked really hard. She always exceeded her quotas for the day and I only just started reaching mine at all. She really did deserve to have the Guardian Stone."

The boy stopped laughing. He sighed, "Well apparently not if that sentient rock of yours didn't pick her. She should just accept that life isn't fair and stop being a brat about it."

"She's not being a brat about it!" Chance insisted defensively.

The boy very obviously didnt believe him, "How long ago did all this happen?"

Chance hesitated. "About a year," he answered reluctantly.

The boy's eyes widened, "She's been all mad and glaring at you this whole time?!"

Chance nodded.

The boy laughed again, "Yeah, no. She's being a brat about it." He yawned, seemingly uninterested now, "Anyway. Look after my cat for a second. I'm getting food."

"I can buy you some," Chance offered. Maybe if he was nice this boy would stop being so rude. 

The boy shook his head, "Nah." He grinned, "I can get it myself."

"The lady that you were with didn't give you any money..."

"I don't need money from her."

Chance stared at the boy. That was stealing. That was against the law. "No, really. I can buy you something. It isn't a problem at all."

The boy laughed, "I said don't worry about it." He walked confidently into the cafe.

Chance leaped to his feet and followed the boy in. He looked around but didn't see the boy anywhere. He hesitated, unsure what to do. Eventually he decided to buy himself something to drink so he didn't look weird.

The boy reappeared seemingly from nowhere in line behind Chance. He grinned, "Sup."

Chance blinked in confusion, "I thought you didn't have money."

The boy shrugged, "I do now."

Chance was almost afraid to get an answer but he still asked, "From where?"

The boy pointed to the lord's secretary that was just leaving the cafe, "That rich lady over there."

"Did you take it?" Chance squeaked without meaning to while trying to keep his voice low.

"Of course. She doesn't need it."

Chance stared in mixed amazement and horror. "What... How-What? How did you do that without anyone noticing?"

The boy grinned, "It's easy really. I'll show you sometime. You're up by the way."

Chance jumped and whirled around. He scrambled up to the counter, "Can I have raspberry lemonade, please?"

"Sure thing."

"He wants a chocolate muffin too."

"I do?" Chance looked at the boy in surprise.

The boy nodded, "Yeah." He shrugged, "Even if you don't eat it now, it's always a good idea to have food on hand."

"Oh... Okay." Chance turned back to the cashier, "Yeah. A chocolate muffin too please."

The boy smiled with a quiet chuckle, "You are one really gullible kid."

"Gullible?" Chance repeated. Was this boy just making fun of him?

"I was just making an observation. Don't get all butt hurt. You'll just want to be careful who you listen to. I'm not gonna drag you along into anything awful but not everyone is so nice."

"You just offered to show me how to-"

"Because you asked," the boy interrupted.

Chance sighed. He had a feeling this boy was going to get him into a lot of trouble.

[mechagalaxy]

Sten Hugo Hiller - 627184: Mountain Climbing Mecha Combat #1290

(By Sten Hugo Hiller - 627184) Mountain Climbing Mecha Combat #1290

Brought to you by ANN

Highlighting the July 3361 Dirty 30

The Gaming Authorities gave us another event where no Mechs heavier than 30 tons would be allowed to fight.

But unlike in the iMech event prceding it, this time there was only the tonnage restriction on what Mechs we could use, not on the models. -And perhaps more importantly for some, this was a sudden death, not a Chrono.

For me at least that was some really big distinctions. And as my Buglers (30 ton formation) were being prepared back at the compound under Bruno`s critical eyes, my main formation tore into the remnants of the horde with renewed fervor. After dispatching the last of them, getting some sleep, and doing mundane tasks it was once more time to get my Buglers to the mountains.

The climb looked quite challenging. Apart from BobOstby I was once more the lowest ranked on the top, and at least a couple of the opponents had licences more than 100 higher than mine. On the other hand, given the low number of attendees, unless another handful showed up before the end, we were virtually guaranteed some kind of prize.

There was still more than a half-hour until the scramble would start, but we decided to try out the opposition. After some false starts, the lightweight formation of Ales Hasala from Black Star Lycan Rangers was dispatched, and we managed to displace my fellow ANN correspondent Bob Schlomer (also from Black Star Lycan Rangers) as well.

By this time exhaution claimed me, but I expected to be woken by the sound of the guns as the scramble started. But it didnt. I mean the scramble started, but no attacks took place.

So I slept until the end while the crew, -fuming by impatience, got enough recording done for me to later figure out the winners had been:

Div 1 413+ (18 Commanders): Claude Poirier, Nemesis (38m,13s) 2: Shawn Wretham 3: Ben Rail 4: Jeff Haas 5: Bernard Johnson 6: Gary Muenzel 7: Makema Mathews 8: Robert C Goetz 9: Sherriff Leary Wretham 10: Sal Vezzosi Jr Div 2 -412 (15 Commanders): Christine Mainer, Spirit of Bunny (14m,19s) Div 3 -311 (12 Commanders): Carlos Chin, Heroes (6h,34m) Div 4 -225 (15 Commanders): Darren Jackson, M&L Team Banzai (1m,38s) Div 5 -175 (27 Commanders): Donald Anthony Alligood, B.S.L.R. (13m,49s) Div 6 -122 (21 Commanders): Grego, Black Star Bandits (48m,33s) Div 7 -92 (16 Commanders): Mike Slowenski, Chess Dragons (7m,26s) Div 8 -62 (17 Commanders): Brick House, MurderMechs (6h,14m) Div 9 -40 (13 Commanders): Fitzwilly, Karma II (7h,40m) Div 10 -26 (15 Commanders): Ginger, D.H.o.t.A. (1h,44m) Div 11 -18 (14 Commanders): Sparky_Dogs, D.H.o.t.A. (1d,5h)

3+4+3+9+0+3+3+2+3+10(1S)+1(S)= Two Silvers and thirty-seven Bronzes were awarded to Commanders who obviously had overweight Mechs in their formations.

Total Contestants: 183 Total medals claimed: 159 (of 165 possible)

Compared to the iMech Chrono we just finished, the number of commanders present rose by sixteen. Due to the imbalance between the tops, that was not quite enough for all the medals to be claimed. But "only" a half-dozen Bronzes from a trio of tops was returned for resmelting this time.

The last half-hour saw four Golds changing hands at least once, while four Golds were held for more than two hours, -one of them for more than a day. So was this due to strong winners, or an exhaution due to earlier fighting? Hard to know, but lets take a look at the number of medals held for more than 30 minutes in this event:

.............Silvers......Bronzes

Div 1 ....1 of 4.........3 of 10 Div 2 ....0 of 4.........6 of 10 Div 3 ....4 of 4.........7 of 7 Div 4 ....3 of 4.........4 of 10 Div 5 ....0 of 4.........3 of 10 Div 6 ....4 of 4.........8 of 10 Div 7 ....2 of 4.........7 of 10 Div 8 ....4 of 4.......10 of 10 Div 9 ....4 of 4.........8 of 8 Div 10 ..4 of 4.......10 of 10 Div 11 ..4 of 4.........9 of 9

We had five tops (K3, K8, K9, K10 and K11) without even a single successfull medal attack, and on K6 we saw just a Bronze strike. On the other hand, on Mount Olympus, K2, K4 and K5 the fighting was higly spirited, and most of the medals on those tops found fresh holders. K7 was somewhere between those two extremes.

The sole clan to claim multiple Golds this time was Deaths Horsemen of the Acopalypse. They took the top prizes on the two lowest tops (K10 and K11). None of the unaligned commanders managed to secure a Gold this time, But we had two repeat winners: Carlos Chin of the Heroes on K3 and Claude Poirier from Nemesis on Mount Olympus.

Upcoming event: Wolfpack

Despite the name, this is not a Warg only event. All Mech models up to 55 tons (including the warg) is legal in whatever numbers you have avialible and can put into the formation.

Event ends July 23 between 0100 and 0130 New York Time

[meggannn]

more for lydia (of course): 21, 24, 45, 49

i am the worst person for taking like a day to respond to this omg

21)   Best Friend(s)?

it’s hard to categorize her best “friends” because for a while she doesn’t really consider them friends, she considers them “acquaintances she has varying degrees of closeness and unique relationships with” while not realizing that like… that is the definition of a friend? lmao (like for example, she only really let herself think of garrus and tali as ‘friends’ instead of ‘crewmembers i’m fond and protective of’ until the shore leave after the battle of the citadel. though while she was close with her me1 crew, i do think me2 is the first time she realizes she’s allowed to think of her team as friends too.

me1: kaidan and ashley at least in the beginning. by the end of the game i think she’s closer to tali as well

me2: at first, garrus and kasumi, and later when they join, tali and samara. i say this with like, knowing she has fondness for all of her crew

me3: garrus and, after renewing their relationship, ashley

24)   Do they have a love/hate relationship with any of them?

not with any of those mentioned above, though i think her relationships with miranda and jack in 2 are a little… not adversarial, but shepard is wary of them as much as she likes them. miranda for obvious reasons, and jack because she genuinely likes her after a while but being around her for so long is a bit of a drain on her energy, since she kind of reminds her of the kids from her old gangs. zaeed she definitely has a love/hate relationship with in 2, in that she appreciates his talks and advice but doesn’t appreciate his attitude and volatile unpredictability.

45)   Do they use social media?

lmfao I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT SHEPARD ON SOCIAL MEDIA OKAY YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE ASKED ME THIS, it’s not that she’s very tech savvy (though there’s some proficiency with hacking) just growing up as a teenager on earth who stole/resold a lot of omnitools and translators and laptops, she had very few other pasttimes when cash wasn’t coming in. i think she was really into social media during ict training with other candidates, as a way of bonding and non-physical de-stressing. and she obviously knows a lot of online slang and shitty corners of the internet from her teenage days. in the alliance she goes through periods of activity followed by periods of forgetting about the internet at all, like when she’s on missions.

by me1, she’s established enough that i think she’s convinced herself a commander shouldn’t post on social media, that’s not appropriate, blah blah. so for a while she’s mostly quiet with only occasional funny but nonoffensive comments on things like pop culture or whatever. then after the battle of the citadel she gets a huuuuge influx of followers, and she’s like ??? cause she doesn’t use her space twitter much, so she kinda posts once like "hey thanks for the support, look out for my album coming out next spring” and everybody loves it, until she starts talking about the reapers publicly and preparing for war, then everybody’s like “god shut up i thought you were cool” so she gets angry when it becomes apparent that most people just want a figurehead, not her to actually say anything, but she can’t go back to making jokes and pretending things are normal, so she stops posting altogether. maybe like, once or twice more about something irrelevant, and then three weeks later she’s dead. (and then her crew like garrus and tali in particular waste so much time on the internet looking at her online profiles, rereading her last posts, hunting through years worth of her feed far back enough to see she was a different person once, both of them in mourning but garrus denying it)

and then me2 happens, and she’s obviously not thinking about social media for a while. when she does, it’s like maybe midway through the game, like maybe on illium kasumi drags her out to dinner cause she found authentic thai in the markets, and shepard’s just content enough to think “this is the kind of meal you post a picture about and share on social media” and she considers it before remembering oh yeah i was dead……. is my account even still there? how weird would it be to suddenly post out of nowhere again? i know the rumor is i was just under cover, but would it help or hurt the war to treat this like normal? and she basically overanalyzes and decides not to say anything at all. (in reality i think after she died her account was given the space equivalent of a twitter verification, like Yes This Was The Real Shepard’s Account, Tweets Might Be Recorded, which she only discovers after she logs in on a whim back on the ship). i don’t think she breaks this social media fast until she either uses it one day because she 1) completely forgets she was avoiding it, like she just wakes up randomly and types “i had the weirdest fuckin dream let me tell yall about it” because she’s still half asleep and convinces herself it’s a good idea, then goes back to sleep and wakes up to a million notifications like “i KNEW YOU WERE BACK!!” and “SOMEONE HACKED SHEPARD’S ACCOUNT THAT’S DISGRACEFUL” and she’s like oh boy. OR 2) she gets so heated over something stupid (that is definitely about human pop culture) that she completely forgets/doesnt give a rat’s ass anymore about maintaining silence online. like “I JUST HEARD SPACE BEYONCE WASN’T NOMINATED FOR A GRAMMY LAST YEAR. WHAT THE FUCK?” after the collector base, she feels a little more freedom to be funny and has the time to engage and post about pop culture again, so she gains some attention back for that

by me3, coming out of alliance-imposed isolation, i think she takes back to the internet whenever she can, for better or worse, but because most of the news she swallows is so awful, she tries to be positive and reach out to people who @ her, like she doesn’t want to lie to them, but she tries to signal boost official evacuation and relocation efforts and stuff. when the alliance starts gaining allies, there’s a little bit of expectation for her to use her accounts as a political “so honored the turian hierarchy is joining us” blah blah kind of tweet, so she’s kind of like…. well people deserve to know we’ve made an accord, but i’m gonna do it my way, and she essentially starts sharing all the stuff that’s happening on the citadel that might get easily lost in translation, like

“i can confirm councilor udina was just killed by spectre williams after a standoff on the presidum, after he threatened the life of another councilor. we have confirmed that he was compromised by cerberus after his participation in a failed coup. please see the official statement for more details. the death of a high profile politician is always a shock, but to those feeling betrayed, i want every human and alien to be reminded that spectres are chosen to protect the galaxy from both foreign and internal threats. ashley williams takes her role seriously, as do i, and her actions saved lives yesterday. in light of the recent citadel attack, the alliance would also like me to encourage people to remain vigilant against cerberus cyberwarfare and contact with reaper tech. stay safe, everyone.”

just like, very honest, frank statements or clarifications that might not otherwise get out there, with an emphasis on trying to keep morale as high as reasonably possible. it’s not classified info, but she wants people to stay informed, like she wants people across the galaxy being bombarded who think they’ve been abandoned to know that she’s still fighting for them everywhere she can. even though she’s feeling really dejected and pessimistic sometimes i think she’s determined to make other people believe they can win even when she isn’t sure herself.

post-war (AHHA YOU THOUGHT I WAS DONE AFTER ME3, DIDNT YOU) as soon as she can travel, she kind of shoves her way into politics via reconstruction efforts despite her unstable health because she’s terrified everything will just go back to normal and the underprivileged people in slums and terminus colonies will be ignored. i think she keeps up the informative trend of letting people know what’s going on, like explaining what this or that emergency bill that was just passed by the council means, ‘cause she’s still new to politics and honesty all this dense language would’ve definitely confused her too. eventually as things start getting more settled she feels less guilty posting about how her day’s going. and then at one point, there is definitely a collective internet freakout when shepard acknowledges/makes a joke about one of the memes about her, and she’s like “what, you guys think i never go online or something?? i was a teenager once, i know how the internet works!” (she actually doesn’t spend that much time in forums or the like, she just learned about the meme from garrus and vega.)

(and then at some point post-war garrus, who used to have a dumbass video game let’s play account that gained a ton of popularity after me1 when shepard found out about it and asked to play turian call of duty with him on it (the vid was entitled “i play turian call of duty with commander shepard (my co)” and was mostly just them horsing around and then it went viral, but he took it down after she died and then purged the whole account/his entire online presence when he went to omega. but anyway a while post-war garrus comes to her like “hey you remember that video we made” “i remember the jokes about it” “well uh, i just managed to fix this old console i found at a flea market, do you want to do it again? yknow just kill time and lift people’s spirits?” so he makes a new account and introduces her to a lot of other games, she’s good at space overwatch but then when she gets cocky he makes her play like turian dark souls or some shit, and they record and post it online for kicks too)

fuck, i still have one more question left to answer???? i spent a fucking lifetime writing up this, I TOLD YOU ASKING ME QUESTIONS ABOUT LYDIA WAS A MISTAKE

49)   Would they consider themselves as a good person, bad person, or morally grey?

mostly i dont think she lets herself think about whether she’s a “good” person because emotionally, and morally, she doesn’t feel much different than she was when she was committing crimes for a living (though she knows logically she’s grown a lot, she convinced herself back then that she was justified in doing bad things by just trying to survive, which is… not entirely too different from now). anyway she still feels like she’s trying to make up for who she used to be, like she wants to put more good into the world than the harm she once contributed to, or failing that, she can at least remove as much of the evil in the galaxy as she can. (i keep forgetting to clarify, she didn’t just do petty theft and break-ins and lookouts and illegal reselling, she was occasionally a debt collector and beat people near to the point of death with biotics, and she hated it but it was mostly out of sympathy that she insisted on going instead of another gangster because if it were anyone else she knows they might’ve dismembered or tortured the person too.)

god i still haven’t answered your question. ive been writing for a full hour, keely. the long and short of it is that i think she’s morally gray. i call her paragade for a reason. she tries really hard to be a good person to make up for who she was (who she “had” to be), so she fights to save every life she can, but against enemies that show no remorse or whatnot, some of her old habits of ruthlessness and reluctance to forgive die hard. 

ASK ME QUESTIONS ABOUT MY OCS IF YOU FEEL LIKE SCROLLING PAST MORE LONG PARAGRAPHS ON YOUR DASH, YO

[37q]

maybe i was just busy in june but heres an article in case anyone else didnt see it like me lol

10.6.2021

A woman who lost her job after saying that people cannot change their biological sex has won an appeal against an employment tribunal.

Maya Forstater, 47, did not have her contract renewed after posting tweets on gender recognition.

She lost her original case at a tribunal in 2019, but a High Court judge ruled her "gender-critical" beliefs fell under the Equalities Act.

The appeal said the tribunal had erred in law and another should take place.

Ms Forstater, from St Albans in Hertfordshire, did not have her contract renewed at the think tank Center for Global Development (CGD) in March 2019, after posting a series of tweets questioning government plans - which were later scrapped - to let people declare their own gender.

She claimed she was discriminated against because of her beliefs, which include "that sex is immutable and not to be conflated with gender identity".

In the initial tribunal employment judge James Tayler said that her approach was "not worthy of respect in a democratic society".

He concluded that Ms Forstater was "absolutist" in her view and said she was not entitled to ignore the rights of a transgender person and the "enormous pain that can be caused by misgendering".

But the Honourable Mr Justice Choudhury said her "gender-critical beliefs" did fall under the Equalities Act as they "did not seek to destroy the rights of trans persons".

Ms Forstater said she was "delighted to have been vindicated" but CGD said the decision was a "step backwards for inclusivity and equality for all".

In a video statement, Ms Forstater said: "I'm proud of the role I've played in clarifying the law and encouraging more people to speak up".

Amanda Glassman, executive vice president of CGD, said: "The decision is disappointing and surprising because we believe Judge Tayler got it right when he found this type of offensive speech causes harm to trans people, and therefore could not be protected under the Equality Act.

"Today's decision is a step backwards for inclusivity and equality for all."

line

Analysis box by Dominic Casciani, home and legal correspondent

Maya Forstater won her case because the Employment Appeal Tribunal concluded that her belief that biological sex is real, important and immutable met the legal test of a genuine and important philosophical position that is protected under the UK's equality laws.

The test for such a protection was that her belief touched on an important part of human life, would be accepted by others and - this is the important bit - could not be shown to be a direct attempt to harm others.

The appeal panel found that while her words were offensive to some, they fell far short of the violent and oppressive views of "Nazism or totalitarian". There was not even any evidence that she had harassed anyone at work.

Where does this leave employers? Equality and employment law require them to recognise and uphold the rights of all in the workplace.

Ms Forstater's speech and beliefs are protected - but so are the rights of trans people. And if speech crosses the line from an honestly held belief to bullying, attacks and intimidation, then the scales very obviously tip in favour of protecting the victim.

line

Mr Justice Choudhury acknowledged that some transgender people would be disappointed by this judgement, but said it had not "expressed any view on the merits of either side of the transgender debate".

The judgement does not mean "that those with gender-critical beliefs can 'misgender' trans persons with impunity", he added.

And he said it does not mean "that employers and service providers will not be able to provide a safe environment for trans persons".

CGD said it was considering various paths forward with its lawyers and said it disputed Ms Forstater's version of events.

The sole issue considered by the appeal tribunal was whether the original tribunal had been wrong not to consider Ms Forstater's views as a philosophical belief protected by the Equality Act.

Other matters of the case, such as her employment status or whether she was discriminated against, would have to be decided at a fresh tribunal.

Baroness Falkner, chair of the Equality and Human Rights Commission, said there was a difference between holding a belief and how it was expressed.

She said: "Some may see the beliefs of others as questionable or controversial, but people must be free to hold them.

"This is why this case is so important."

Monica Kurnatowska, employment partner at law firm Baker McKenzie, said the ruling meant that "individuals are entitled not to be discriminated against because of gender critical beliefs... and gives those beliefs the same legal protection as religious beliefs, environmental beliefs and ethical veganism".

"Employers will be watching closely for any guidance on how to handle employee conflict fairly and lawfully, while respecting the rights of all involved," she added.

Lui Asquith, director of legal and policy at Mermaids, a charity that supports transgender, non-binary and gender-diverse children and young people, said: "This is not the win anti-trans campaigners will suggest in the coming days.

"We, as trans people, are protected by equality law and this decision in the Maya Forstater case does not give anyone the right to unlawfully harass, intimidate, abuse or discriminate against us because we are trans."

how come i never heard that maya forstater won her appeal

[thatrandompoet]

So if you haven't picked up on it yet dear friends and followers, I'm depressed. I don't mean sad bc a sad or disappointing thing happened. I mean fucking clinically depressed. It's been building for a couple years now. Like back in 2014 I started antidepressants for the second time but by the time I needed my prescription renewed I no longer had health insurance so bye bye meds. I was doing okay for a while, staving off the worst of it by keeping life exciting with school and jobs and a couple vacations and going to the gym and talkibg to friends and investing lots of time into my hobbies and generally just ignoring anything I didn't want to deal with. But that only works for so long. In February the night mares started getting pretty terrible again and they eased off last month. Last week I hallucinated. Oh yeah and the smoking...quitting last all of.. 3 months? Anyway, I'm paranoid, typically jumping to the worst conclusions. I am sleeping either almost 12 hrs or 3 hrs. Went up to the lake on Saturday but we never even parked, just turned around and went home bc there were a lot of people there and I just burst into tears and started apologizing to my very confused husband. I am having the hardest time taking care of myself and every day I want to call into work. I don't...but fuckdammit I want to. Of course me and all my issues and past transgressions and blah blah blah is straining my marriage. I want to tell him to just leave so he doesn't have to be burdened by my illnesses. I finally did get an appointment scheduled with the last therapist I saw. I am trying to fix myself. It's nearly impossible though.... Last night I wanted to kill myself. Just take some pills and be done with it all. Obviously I didn't. There's enough of me that still wants to live and I know that this is only temporary and "this too shall pass" and all the other shit everybody feeds you when you say you're not okay. I've said it too because I've been on the other side of this a couple times. But usually I'm over her on the depressed side. And the guilt I feel! Oh man, it's really what's weighing on me the most. Because I feel like everyone is just sick and tired of my negativity (I try really hard to be positive most of the time bc who wants to be around someone who is always negative and god I feel so alone most of the time) The great thing about depression is that it really gets my imagination going. I uh, I was okay when I got to work. I'd even go so far as to say I was in a good mood. I dressed nice for work. Made myself a nice dinner before heading to work. The husband was being extra sweet. But um...not so great right now. Didnt handle a situation very well. When the error of my ways was pointed out I agreed bc I know I'm not thinking clearly lately. But agreeing was the wrong thing to do? Anyway I'm just venting. Not crying for help. Not trying to get sympathy or pity or whatever.