#i mean literally everyone should have their ideal life because it is owed to them

[summertimesadnessirl]

Actually if suicide is illegal anything that makes you happy should be free because the world owes you a living if it will not allow you to die.

If suicide is illegal anyone who consistently does things that give people clinical depression or chronic stress on purpose should go to jail for entrapment.

Abusive partners, abusive therapists, abusive bosses, people who design bad living environments, unjust labor laws, towns that are hard to live in.

If suicide is illegal the world owes you never once wanting to die by any means necessary or they are criminals.

sweet treats should not cost money they should come as complimentary gift for not giving up

[horizon-verizon]

How are yall comparing Rhaenyra and Daenerys ?? Rhaenyra was literally born into power & grew up in the peak of the Targ dynasty; Daenerys grew up as an orphan, in exile, abused, assassins trying to murder her, and then was sold off as a sex slave when she was 13. Daenerys had to fight for everything her entire life, is leading a slaves’ revolution, and delayed her grand plan to claim her birthright in Westeros. Daenerys would support Rhaenyra’s claim but she would dislike her as a person.

Rhaenyra orders the murder of a teenage peasant girl, who is on HER side, because she’s jealous her noncey monster of a husband/uncle loved her more. She protected a man who sent assassins to behead a child before his mother’s eyes, a man who tortured a woman and drove her to insanity and suicide. Her actions should damn her for anyone with reading skills.

Her fight is only for herself, she does not want change and betterment for women, be they noble or common. She does not want women to rule after her, she just wants herself to live equal to a man without consequences and does not care for the smallfolk she calls “vermin” and “drunks and fools and gutter rats”. Idk who decided that these Targaryen women, who enact the same violence and patriarchal tyranny on other women as the men around them, are righteous feminist queens, made to suffer the greatest injustice in history because they don’t get to sit on a throne “owed” to them. They are no better than their male counterparts. They are spokes on the same damn wheel.

For all the hand wringing, Rhaenyra was the freest, most privileged woman in the realm, with a life and choices that almost every other woman would kill for, and she did fuck all with it for anyone but herself. (That too, poorly.)

EDITED POST (9/1/23)

Anon may be responding to my post HERE (I mention Daenerys and compare)....or maybe all the posts connected to the last HERE.

A)

I literally answer why I don't hate or dismiss Rhaenyra's arc totally despite this "Her fight is only for herself, she does not want change and betterment for women, be they noble or common" HERE and HERE. Basically because if I did, I'm more likely to ignore critcal details where it actually isn't as much of her fault certain events happened the way they did and therefore reaffirm the misogynist claim that she should have been deposed ALL ALONG AND FROM THE BEGINNING for any other male present.

We're going in damn circles. I really have nothing else to say to you about that point in particular.

B)

"Comparisons" do not have to mean "they are exactly alike or share many traits", it can refer to that specific process of getting information itself.

"Comparison" can be a shortening of "qualitative comparative analysis". "Compare" as in I put these characters side by side, make a Venn Diagram in my mind, and identify what similarities and differences they have.

C)

In POST #1, & POST #2, I already express how Daenerys is both Rhaenyra's moral superior and really why Rhaenyra even exists. I express this multiple times, actually.

The reason/motive for comparing Dany to Rhaenyra is to really, emphasize that what happens to Rhaneyra is misogyny and to contextualize Dany's own both in-world and meta role in the validity of a female ruler/protagonist. Because Dany yes morally surpasses some of her ancestors--in terms of having a better moral character in being a ruler who thinks what would be good for her people, noble or otherwise but mostly smallfolk--and wants to use her power for them more than for herself. At the same time, Rhaenyra was not an evil person before she lost so much, was betrayed, etc. She is a person, and people do not and will not react to the same or similar things in either the ideal or good ways. We can actually reveal how Rhaenyra's more self-involved or impetuous character didn't invite the misogyny, her gender did. It's not about looking for who is the better person and fuck everyone else who cannot or will not be the same; it's about seeing how they react, process, and shape their realities.

No matter what personality you may have or how it developed, if you are a woman pursuing power for others or for yourself, you are still a woman. You will still face people trying to end you for daring to pursue power, as Dany faces multiple times.

Dany is not just compassionate, yes. She is also very in tune with her instincts or intuition and is kind of a natural genius. Her character is exceptionality guided by compassion in spite of her hard suffering and knowing that she could alleviate some evil and suffering for others.

D)

I know you don't want to read my posts about Daemon and Nettles, but I also do not have to indulge your choice. Either read these posts: #1 AND #2, or read some those posts tagged "daemon and nettles" in my blog specifically see how and why I do not think Daemon loved Nettles more than Rhaenyra romantically or platonically. Or don't, not my problem.

BTW, we must keep in mind that for the plot itself and apart from shipping discourses, the point of the Nettles-Daemon controversy in the story was not whether or not they were having an affair. It's Rhaenrya THINKING they had an affair and her response to another, deeper sort of betrayal that even goes beyond regular cheating.

*EDIT* (8/21/23):

THIS is a great post by @mononijikayu about medieval queens, female rulers, the history of how women in leadership positions were made and seen as threats to the very structure of social "order", and contextualizing Rhaenyra thru Empress Matilda. I didn't even know about Matilda's husband being comparable to Rhaneyra's Daemon! PLZ READ!!!!

Excerpt:

just as much, along with these fictitious portrayals, more lies are depicted. these women are considered vixens that cause havoc to men by shifting them into desires and danger. through the written word, we see how women are cast in roles of villains in men’s lives. it is because by their conclusive thoughts, women are the only creatures that are able to turn ‘good honorable men’ into despicable creatures who do shameful, deplorable acts for the sake of women’s pleasures.  [...] it is within this narrative that ancient chroniclers declare that women were in fact the doom of men. if they were not able to control the dangers posed by the wiles of women, then the foundations of the mighty society they had built would be up in flames.  [...] as i mentioned, these factors of community are written down and preserved. and with that, the example of the ancients were the foundations by which medieval society built itself. the same concepts continued to cause the same issue within society and that was the exclusion of women from participating in the bigger picture of community and state, much so with governing states in their own right—without judgment or disapproval. 

[script-nef]

Confession in the moonlight | Gojou Satoru

Category: fluff

2.2k words; Hatsumoude date [6/6]

Happy New Year everyone!

← Previous chapter | Masterlist

Bells and chatter are almost deafening even this late into the night. Families and friends are gathering here, mingling and pushing against each other in the narrow path leading up to the shrine. There are so many carts lined up on the sides, owners screaming their products and shouting over another.

And you're walking through the crowd with the one person who you want to avoid the most in the world.

Thanks to the event which is now dubbed "The Alcohol Incident That Can Never Happen Again", you learned about a couple of things in the following days.

First, alcohol is the enemy. This is ironclad and nothing will ever shift your opinion on it. Alcohol. Is. The. Enemy. None of it will ever touch your lips again.

Second, you discovered what type of a drunk you are. The clingy, bubbly one who has the misfortune of remembering practically everything that happened. Worst combination ever. Because your brain wants you to die from embarrassment. The only plus is that you don't feel like throwing up and you don't have headaches. Whatever Gojou fed you worked wonders. 

Just thinking his name makes you want to slam your head into a wall. 

Facing him again after that has proven to be a challenge. The memory of what happened on that day intrudes every time you see his face and then you have to take a break to calm down. Faking ignorance and acting as though you remember nothing from the night was your choice. Which was a bad choice since you’re not known for your acting skills and you also have the misfortune of wearing your heart on your sleeve. Which brings on the next problem.

Third, you… seem to have feelings for Gojou. The romantic kind. Like, the boyfriend-girlfriend kind. When you woke up the next day, it was probably the most clear your mind had been in months. Alcohol is a confusing drink. Still, you're never going to go near it again. Making a fool out of yourself once is enough.

Lastly, perhaps most importantly, you basically confessed to him. While drunk. And then went to sleep.

Sitting up in bed the morning after, hair everywhere and jacket still on, you did an analysis. 

It's like a typical light novel cliché. A guy and a girl, co-workers or something like that, comfortable with each other, hangs out all the time, one major event or couple of minor events happens, the girl falls in love with the guy or vice-versa, confession and then happy ending. 

It all kind of made sense with your new, alcohol-cleaned brain. The fluttering feelings, the spike in heart rate, the uncontrollable blushing and noticing physical contact more. There’s a reason why he’s so comfortable to be around, why you practically entrusted your life in his hands. And you literally said to him once, you think in the movie theatre, that he would make a good boyfriend. To his face. Who says that? Embarrassment turns into self loathing. It makes you wonder how you didn’t notice it last time.

With this new shocking revelation, you didn’t know what to do. Confess? If there is even the slightest bit of chance he doesn’t like you back and rejects you, life will be hell to live. Because you live in the same goddamn place, work together and all of your friends are his friends.

So two options. Three outcomes. One: you confess and he accepts and everything is fine. Ideal. Two: you confess and he rejects you and so you leave the place, never come back again and work in a farm halfway across the world by changing your identity. That sounded reasonable enough. Three: you don’t confess and somehow act naturally around him. This has problems because, again, you wear your heart on your sleeve. It’s still very tempting. More so than the second one. This is perhaps the most difficult decision you’ve made in your life.

So you turned to the one person you can vent this kind of thing on. Shouko. Who looked at you like you were either stupid or dense. Maybe both. Definitely both. It was quite amazing what she could express while moving the least amount of facial muscles. 

“So… yeah. I think I like Gojou and I don’t know which of the options I should take. Help me?” 

She just stared at you. With a deadpan face that has all the stress and exasperation in the world. You pride yourself in being able to read other’s faces quite easily. Rubbing her fingers over her eyes and groaning for a bit, she eventually took her phone out and dialled a number. The line rang for a bit.

“Ijichi? You owe me 10,000 yen.” Clicking off the phone even before hearing a response, Shouko turned her focus back to you. “You seriously don’t know?”

“Don’t know what? What was the phone call about?”

“That he likes you? That’s he’s insufferable because of that? You seriously don’t know?” She inched closer and closer until her face was right in front of yours. Shouko is seriously scary when she’s angry, like a sleeping lion. And you just somehow poked her. “Look at me in the eyes. You seriously never realised?”

“Um, what?”

“The dates. Remember when I couldn’t go to the movie for Howl because someone came in? I immediately gave it to him because I owed him a favour and he wanted to spend time with you. The time he went shopping with you by flying. Do you know why he offered that in the first place?”

“I mean, it was getting late… And I was in a bad mood so— oh.”

“Yeah. Oh. Do you get it now?” 

“So then… the dinner, that was also…”

“A date.” Sighing, she sits back on the sofa, letting her head drop onto the backrest. Thoughts jumble inside your head, all of them slowly clicking into place.

“Wait, so. He likes me?”

Annoyed moans are her response as she thuds her head into the furniture. Something along the lines of “Why me.” could be heard.

“So him inviting me to hatsumoude today is also a date?” Her hand waves lazily in the air.

“Yes, it is. Tell me you accepted.” You nodded, then realised that she can’t see from her position.

“I did. I can’t really say no to him.” She makes a gagging sound.

“Good. Finally. So just confess to him then. He’ll accept, you’ll be happy, he’ll be happy, and we’ll all finally be free.”

“Free of what.”

“Your denseness.” She snaps, sitting back up. Fire burns in her irises. “It’s like the Chinese story, the one with the shield and the spear. You’re the shield, oblivious to every single one of his advances and he’s the spear, never giving up. And we’re the spectators who are bored and tired. So dress up in your prettiest clothes and go.”

And that’s why you’re walking up the steps to the shrine, swaddled in clothing. Gojou is right next to you, enjoying mochi he bought from somewhere and humming. He’s humming while you’re having one of the worst crises of your life. God, you envy his ability to keep cool. 

Making every effort to keep calm and not look move your head in his general direction, you finally arrive at the bell. The sound resonates clearly into the night. Coins clink into the offering box. Two bows, two claps, pray, one bow. Your wish is the same as always, with one more sentence. Gojou copies you, mochi finished and trash discarded.

The way down is much easier, your heart a little lighter. Maybe the rest of the night will be fine. 

This is a delusion and you realise it as soon as Gojou opens his mouth.

“What did you wish for?” His voice cuts through the commotion, nudging for your attention. You flinch a bit at the closeness but try to regain your composure. If he saw it, he doesn’t comment on it.

“I—I  wished for everyone I love to survive the fight with Sukuna and have a peaceful retirement. Especially Ken-chan.” In actuality, you did wish for that but also for a way to confess. He doesn’t need to know that yet. Your voice trembles a bit, betraying you. 

“You do know that saying it out loud negates the wish right?” There’s a delighted tone in his voice, like he’s happy he baited you. How is a person this childish? And what does that say about you, the person who likes him? A hand ruffles your head before you have a chance to lament your heart. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure your wish comes true.” Your heart thumps.

It’s so unfair how he always knows what to say. It’s so unfair that it’s having this kind of effect on you. Your earlobes grow hot and you scramble to find a reply.

“What did you wish for then?” He shifts his head to look at you. “Yeah, I know. It won’t come true if you say it out loud, but if you can protect everyone and save the human race, I’m sure it's not up to the gods or spirits whether or not your wish comes true.”

He seems to contemplate it. Then nods. 

“Yeah, you’re right. It’s not up to them.” 

“See? So what’s yo—”

“It’s up to you.”

You nearly trip over one of the stone tiles, flailing for balance. Of course Gojou comes to your rescue, hands gently gripping at your sides. The first problem here is that your reaction was too obvious. You can’t feign ignorance now, like you didn’t hear him over the crowd. The second is that you just made a fool of yourself. Which leads to the third problem. 

He is way too close. 

“You okay?” And now he’s whispering. The blushing worsens. “Come on, let’s go.”

It’s a clearing in the forest a bit away, a smaller dilapidated shrine on the edge of it. A small pond is in the middle, fireflies skimming over the surface and glimmering beautifully. 

“There you go.” He guides you to the steps of the ruined shrine, letting you sit down but stays standing. Shifting on his feet, neck cracking as he rolls it. Nervous energy leaks out of him. Wait, is this— 

“I don’t know what to say. I’ve rehearsed this like, hundreds of times but my heart is kind of going crazy.” So is yours. He comes back to you then lowers himself to one knee. Your heart stops. “I’m not proposing. Not yet. I’ve heard dating comes first.”

One of your hands slots into his. He removes his blindfold, revealing his cerulean eyes to you for the second time. Breath hitches and he most definitely heard it because his smile, no matter how tentative it was, becomes full and true.

“Let’s get to the main point straight away. I like you.” The words burn you alive and you try to take your hand back but his grip is strong. So you do the next best thing. Averting your face. “I know you do too. I also know you remember the night. Your acting skills are terrible. And Shouko told me.” If you’re not drowning in mortification and something that feels vaguely like hope, you might hit him. And Shouko.

But the second you face him, you see him. The heart-gripping worry in his eyes, the way he’s smiling to cover for his anxiousness, the light trembling in his fingers. It’s so different to his normal self, the aloof and laid-back aura completely dissipated. This is what you do to him?

“I’m not good at this. But I mean every word when I say that you’re the kindest, cutest and the most loveable person that I’ve ever met. You put up with me, and that’s saying a lot.” Protest is at the tip of your tongue, ready to argue that he should stop being so hard on himself and that you genuinely like spending time with him, but he recognises the look on your face and laughs delightedly. “See? So ready to come to my defence, even if it’s me you have to fight. Everyone’s fed up with me to some extent, and I know you are as well, but you still put up with me. That’s what made me fall for you. That unlimited kindness.”

He presses a kiss to the palm of your hand and it feels like he’s giving you his heart at the same time. Love shines in his eyes and clogs at your throat. A shuddering breath passes over the both of you. But then the cheeky smile comes back.

“I think that’s enough to sweep you off your feet. Is your heart beating fast?” A nod. “Hands clammy?” A nod. “Think you can manage granting me my wish?”

A wave of calm washes over. Gojou’s words, filled with sincerity and bare hearted emotions, turn into butterflies that travel to every inch in your body. It’s delightful and there’s no way you can live without hearing it again.

The distance between your lips close, and you swear your heart synchronises with his when they finally touch. 

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Am I the only one who doesn’t get why some (tw) are shitting on Haru and Rin separately just for the fact that they reciprocate each others feelings? Because it’s not the feelings they wanted them to reciprocate? Just curious because I'm new and recently entered the fandom. And since when miscommunication in between means that they don't deserve to be happy at the end? Because you're an idiot when it comes to love, doesn't mean you're a bad person. I came from chinese bl and it's weird to me.

Hehe welcome to the madness, perfect time to join! Yeah, tbh that's the thing in the fandom that always bugged me the most. The fact that some act like if you don't reciprocate someone's feelings, it makes you a bad person. I always found it incredibly cringy when ppl in real life for example make ppl feel guilty for not feeling the same way and make you feel like shit bc of it. I don't get why you have to apologize for that or feel bad, if you never ever gave him any hope or anything in the first place.

Nowdays it's thankfully a rare sight already in this fandom, bc most already grown and see perfectly what's truly healthy and unhealthy, it's just tbh only the same 3 accounts ppl keep sending me that are still on that, who also think that Haru is literally possessed in the last movie so I don't see the point of like arguing with ppl like this. It's just they're always getting extremely angry when Haru wants Rin as if it's his fault that he feels this way and always go about it like he is inconsiderate of Makoto's feelings. Implying that they're mad that he doesn't feel that way about Makoto, while Makoto does. I'm same as @tododeku-or-bust for example said here (idk what fandom brought this on, but just in general) also do not get what's appealing about this kind of relationships in the first place.

If they shipped it in terms of like it's mutual I'd get it, but they go on about how Rin or Haru are bad friends bc they're not in love with their best friends... like ?????? I didn't know you owe it to your friends to have romantic feelings for them.

In real life if you found out that your bestie feels that way for you while you don't reciprocate, it's a burden, that'll make you feel uncomfortable and at times guilty when you shouldn't technically feel that way. So putting on someone a burden of "I was pining for you all along", when you know they don't feel the same is giving me this feeling of cringe. So I personally do not get what's enjoyable at seeing it like that in Free. But to each their own kink lmao.

It's like... is Haru at fault for the fact that he was Ikuya's first love too? I do not get it really. Like he doesn't have to take responsibility for everyone who falls for him and he doesn't owe anyone to reciprocate their feelings. Even to Rin. Like if he didn't feel the same way for Rin, it wouldn't be his fault either. But since he does feel the same way for him, it's like... good, great, happy for them.

Like once again if someone believes that Makoto and Sousuke are unrequitedly in love with Rin and Haru, that's not rinharu fault. Haru literally never ever lead Makoto on EVER. He never ever did anything that would make Makoto believe that they're more than friends. He was always honest about everything. Like when Makoto thought that he went out to see him, but Haru just wanted to see the sunrise, he told him just that. He never encoraged anything, he refused to live with him and never wanted. I do not get why it's supposed to be his fault that he doesn't like his friend in that way. If Makoto has some unrequited feelings for him and decided to hang up on this, it's his own life choice in my opinion.

It's like saying that Onodera and Takano for example don't deserve to be together just because they unintentionally hurt each other and got separated for 10 years bc of misunderstanding. This argument is like typical Yokozawa life position aka "but I was there when he left you heartbroken for several years, that means you MUST pick me". As I've said before, that's just not how it fucking works. And just bc they couldn't explain things to each other normally, doesn't mean that they don't deserve be happy now. Being idiots is not a crime.

Or if you came from chinese bl, lets go "Guardian" for example. Zhu Hong also was on about how "why you love Shen Wei, not me, I always did everything for you and I was always there, I even wore heels bc you once said you liked those etc". Like he never asked her to do this, he never gave her any hope, he was beyond rude and open about the fact that he's not interested, he never did anything to make her think she had a chance since the beginning. Just bc she decided to dedicate her life to false hope that maybe one day something might change is not his fault. It was her choice. Why Yunlan should feel like shit bc of that I do not get personally.

I'm just buffled bc like Haru for example is the most caring about other ppl's pain person, but they call him selfish and rude bc of the way he is with Makoto at times, not even realising that it IS in fact what means being kind sometimes.. to not give someone a chance when you know you don't feel it. I was always saying this like since forever, being kind doesn't mean for example giving everyone second chances, loving everyone, wanting to be friends with anyone etc. In some situations it's not being kind, it's being stupid or even not being a good person. Once again... offering someone friendship after he openly dissed your friend and you see that he's not in any position to talk back is not kind. Or if someone cheats on you constantly, but you always forgive them it's also not you being kind. It's you being stupid. Sometimes you have to be harsh. It's for the greater good.

And like I saw several times stuff like someone under scenes where Rin has his eyes for Haru only, commenting like "oh great, look at Rin being inconsiderate of Sousuke's feelings again. Can't believe you guys find this romantic." I mean, if in their opinion Sousuke is in pain from being Rin's friend, he can end it, it's his choice. It's not Rin's fault that he thinks of him as just his friend. So thinking that Rin is an asshole bc each time he simply hangs out with Sousuke he's a selfish bitch is fucking insane. I'd feel extremely bad if my best friend was seeing it this way for example. It's like hella ugly.

This annoys me also bc of the fact that Rin, the person who at the age of 12 single-handedly saved his family from falling apart after his father's death, who's an amazing friend to Sousuke and did everything to make his happy after he found out about his trauma and always checks on him first and cries about his shoulder, who in the late evenings taught Rei to swim, when everyone else gave up already xD, who was looking after Nitori during his training, who pretends to walk the same road, just because he's scared to let Gou return alone in the evenings, the most amazing son and brother, is suddenly an asshole just because Haru is in love with him, but not with Makoto. I mean, thats just... huh? Like I dont mind you ship what you want to ship, it's like to each their own crayons for real. But like dissing them and call them selfish just bc they only see their friends as friends and don't want anything more is weird to me.

As for the fact that bc of the misunderstanding they don't deserve to be happy, that's just idiotic. I mean, lets punish Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan too just bc Lan Zhan couldn't voice his real feelings back then and bc WWX misunderstood him. Lets ship WWX with Wen Ning instead. Nezumi is cancelled, he doesn't deserve to be with Shion. He left him. Takano should stay with Yokozawa, Onodera is trash. Wu Xie is trash for wanting to be with Zhang Qiling too. It doesn't matter why he leaves, it only matters that he always does. I can't believe he doesn't see that Pangzi is there with him all along xD. What an ungrateful trash of a human being I can't even.

And anyways btw both Rin and Haru are not ideal human beings in any way (otherwise I wouldn't love them this much tbh xD). But their flaws are definitely not what for example mh shippers usually blame them for. You can argue about their other imperfections easily. Like being stupidly stubborn for example. I won't point fingers here, Haru lolz. Or literally anything else.

My point is you can find what to trash them for logically, if you wanna. Do it smartly tho. Otherwise you make your ship look bad.

And I once again say what wise person said about his relationships and about the fact that not being able with someone he loves hurt him and 'why is he doing this to himself' he answered: "it's not on him. my happiness and my pain is for me to handle". Everyone decides for themselves. This is why for example Haru was so broken about voicing this to Rin and didn't have any intentions to tell him that in the first place. Bc it's not right, if you're not sure that it's requited. Technically he has no right to blame Rin for making him fall in love with him and then leaving in the first place. It's not Rin's fault really, that he made him feel what he feels for him, it's ultimately Haru's problem. That's why he feels has no right to blame him in the first place. I mean, he doesn't know that Rin feels the same, that means saying to him "you break my heart each time you leave" and making him feel bad about it is technically wrong. That's why Haru to himself said "no, please, don't say such things to him". Everyone for himself decides who deserves your 5, 7, 800 or 10000 years of your pain. It's your decision. It's your life. If Haru feels like Rin is worth it, then you have no say in that matter really. The only reason we call Rin an idiot or Haru an idiot is because we know they feel the same, so we can. But blame someone else for not feeling what you're feeling is not right.

So like even if you feel like Makoto and Sousuke have feelings for their friends, blaming Haru and Rin for having feelings for each other and not for them is beyond weird. And there's nothing wrong with putting someone you love first, every bro/sis gets it. You can say bros before hoes all you want, but like Lan Zhan might just drop his bro for his hoe, if he was given a choice. Would it make him a bad person? The fact that Wu Xie chose to save Xiaoge before Pangzi makes his a bad person? My point is it's not all that easy.

I just feel like many ppl in this fandom are very weird about many things. Either because they do not get what it's like to go through some things or maybe they just do not get that no matter how cheesy this sounds love is not that simple. I mean, for example not all selfish is bad, sometimes like in Haru's case for example not being selfish is also bad. Bc if he finally asks for what he wants, he will make both himself AND Rin happy.

To be angry at Rin bc of the aftermath of his father's death and s1 I never had it in me, after knowing everything and how adults handled it. If some of Sousuke's fans bc of Yakusoku and the fact that Rin found his salvation in Haru bc he helped him to move forward after getting his family out of this hell alone and that Haru was the safe haven that made him happy in this moment of his life, want to trash Rin for the fact that he "neglected" Sousuke, its like your opinion. I personally do not get it. Rin doesn't owe Sousuke anything. It's not his fault again that Haru's existence helped him to feel better.

Just like not everyone will get why Haru in 1x12 was so happy about the fact that he could help Rin. To be that special somebody for someone who can "save" you in moments of your life like this, especially if you love them is an incredible feeling. And no, your bestie isn't always the person for this job, no. I don't see why people do not get that I guess, that's all. But we all have our own opinion on everything, so...

We same as you do not get it since forever, but its like it is what it is in this fandom. I personally just have another life position on stuff, so I'm very far from that point of view they have.

[yarrowleef]

ok AVoS done. Shattered Sky is a book I remember being legitimately really into, but yeah, as is common opinion, the last three books really drop off and severely blur together (and boy Briarlight’s death was upsettingly pointless) BUT w/e I’m just listening to the audio books on hyper speed while playing pokemon so it’s not that bad

but i gotta say, actually first hand watching all the skyclan stuff go down is just making me feel even more vindicated in my old posts ranting about how much i dislike SkyClan coming to the lakes (and in my decision to just have them reject starclan and go live in the mountains in my fic lmao). Like i guess I’m supposed to disagree with Leafstar but she’s literally just right in her initial arguments, they have little to nothing to gain by staying there.  Or Rather, whatever benefits you might occasionally get from your neighbors helping during rare catastrophes (benefits most rival leaders would probably make you 'owe' them for later) do NOT outweigh the constant aggression from living border to border with those clowns. Especially when its a given that the clans will never help each other with more common life threatening problems like they wont share prey during famines and its often pulling teeth to share herbs. Leafstar was literally just right!! They simply had unfortunate timing. The main argument for returning is essentially just...Well god threatened to kill us if we went against their wishes so. that's super normal 😂

I love StarClan "we cant be clear or offer help because then we'd be taking away the clans independance!!" and also "what do you mean you're making an independent decision about where you want to live, i s2g we will harass every cat in earshot and threaten to drown you if you dont listen to us" (ok its unclear if starclan actually caused that storm, i think they have shown to have some influence over weather before and its timing was very precise, but if not they still forsaw it and used it to their advantage to make the living cats think they were being punished for disobeying starclans baseless wishes, so same difference imo. we love the cat cults)

recently I read through Shadowstar’s Life and was really surprised to see that apparently SkyClan’s old territory was already being marked for destruction by twolegs during Skystar’s time?? I know the clans all have to go through at least one or two whole other leaders to get to the ones in control when SkyClan was driven out, but...idk clearly it didn’t take that long. Leader’s can die fast. Which may imply SkyClan was literally apart from the other clans for far far longer then they were ever beside them. For like 80% of the clans total existence, SkyClan hasn’t been there. 

Anyway, i'm just saying, at least twice now skyclan leaders have strongly felt that they would be better off maintaining their home in the gorge only to be bullied into going back to the other clans (Leafstar for one, and also in a prologue scene I believe Cloudstar and his medicine cat were watching SkyClan and suggested they should go home to the gorge now that it was safe, then CLEAR SKY pressured them into reluctantly agreeing that they had to go to the lake with the other clans, and...y’know he’s their founder, its hard to argue with him. He didn’t counter their arguments, just gave them the "they MUST be together!!" line)

You know what, I think SkyClan is just Clear Sky’s vanity project and he’s kicking up a massive tantrum about it in StarClan. It's hard to feel special when you dont have other clans to compare yourself to, so he's continuing his life long tradition of putting his insecurity and ideals over the actual wellbeing of his clan, and u know what at least no one can fault him for consistency. So being a bunch of cats that haven’t gotten any wiser since dying (as is StarClan tradition), Gray Wing pressures everyone into feeling bad for his brother, and they cave because 1: Clear Sky is just so annoying that it's easier to repeatedly pacify him rather then tell him to shut up, and 2: the entire cast of Dawn of the Clans collectively have the moral back bone of a chocolate éclair. That’s why they won’t let SkyClan leave

[pigeonsatdawn]

law school ep 15 (and solhwi overall)

gonna put in my two cents for the line that singlehandedly caused the solhwi nation to implode.

(apologies in advanced because my thoughts are too messy for me to neatly put it in a post but i want to say it anyway—also this is just the way i view solhwi so please don't come screaming at me if you disagree!)

i'm a diehard solhwi shipper and i love their relationship, and think they have one of the best relationships out there in the fictional world, and also definitely one of the healthiest. but to me, their relationship extends far beyond the romantic relationships we so often see portrayed in media.

kim beom said in one interview that this relationship between HJH and KS is kin to that of a soulmate relationship that's not necessarily romance, and i find myself agreeing with that notion. while soulmates are typically used to describe romantic partnerships, it doesn't necessarily have to start with romance. (many people have pointed this out in other posts so i won't go further down the fact that HJH x KS's relationship is a friends-to-lovers slow burn but you get me.)

but in fact, this bond between soulmates (or at least how i define it), in my opinion, is far beyond what we usually see in romance. as in, it's not just someone you like, but it's someone whose changed your life in a certain way. i know some may be averse to the idea of having to change for the one you love because loving is the notion of accepting someone in spite of the person's flaws, but what i mean is that when you love someone in this way, you want to change because of them. you see them, and they inspire you, and you grow in your own way. once again—growth is a very subjective idea, and even for HJH and KS we can see them grow in different directions—but we can clearly see how they have impacted each others' lives.

it's quite obvious, imo, how KS's life has been impacted by HJH's. she's,, not the "smartest" out there, and we can't deny that. we know she probably won't make it through law school if not for HJH's help. HJH is always there, a step ahead of KS, but he's not just being proud about it, instead opting to help her understand what the laws are and why they are the way they are, which KS especially needs, being a particularly empathic person. but we've also seen that HJH has helped KS beyond simply academics. he's always been there to protect her—almost all their interactions have proven that (the camera outside her house, the hungover soup, the switching seats—i think literally everything?..?..?.??). maybe she doesn't necessarily need protection, but surely thanks to his protection she's much better than she might've been without, especially knowing her terribly miserable life.

but i often wonder why HJH is so heart-eyes of KS of all people. i mean, i know love is love and sometimes you just catch feelings, but i believe there's more meaning behind their relationship than meets the eye. like you don't just look at someone so lovingly for it to be just a crush, y'know? the first reason that comes to mind is clearly simply KS's amicable personality. she definitely stands out: she's not that intelligent, struggling and barely surviving, but she has insane passion to pull through even despite truth attacks (like SJH saying she should reconsider her life decisions, saying that a chance of passing isn't something to be proud of, etc). she treats everything with such a positive outlook, and, well, KS is just an adorable human, so it's hard not to have a little crush her.

what makes KS stand out most, the core of her personality, is that she has hope, despite everything. she's been through shit because of her circumstances—left by her twin sister without a word, been in juvie, has no money to deal with it—you know, entire backstory. but instead she fights her weakness, even though she feel like it should've been her sister, even though she's not smart enough, because she has to do this. she keeps going, even though things keep turning out for the worse for her, holding hope when circumstances are most dire. but why? because she strives for justice. she doesn't want to be wronged. she wants the law to own up its mistakes, wants to make sure the law gets its own revenge. that's why she wants to work in law, yeah? and so she keeps fighting, even when hope seems lost.

okay but why did i mention this? because i think this is what HJH sees in KS. why? because this is what he needs.

HJH had lost hope. in an episode (i don't remember which), he mentioned he doesn't trust anyone, and it's obvious why: his uncle. it's the worst kind of betrayal that causes your ideals being burned down. he realized that even people who work in law can be corrupt, people who he thought he could trust above all others, people who seemed utterly good. and then he just begins to regard everyone with baseline amity, and no further. many have pointed out he doesn't have real friends (other than KS), even though he looks outgoing and friendly. it's not quite shown, but it must've been lonely. and a lonely fight, trying to prove that he will be a better prosecutor than his uncle was. and we know that HJH's nature as a person is to be calculating, objective, seeing things through facts and statistics; it's what makes him so intelligent. what that also makes him is realistic, and more often than not, that is almost equal to pessimistic—because reality just... sucks, as has been proven by the betrayal of his uncle. and further into the drama we see only more corrupt people in the business, so we certainly don't get out hopes fueled.

there's scarcely anyone in what we see who's actually pursuing law because they're passionate about the law, or if they are, they're not often very... human in doing it. examples: YJH, SJH, KSB are all very cold and indifferent types, people who really just come and do what they do, focus on studies (in the case of YJH, his teaching), and interactions with others are treated as "lesser". SJH and KSB in particular—they're good at the law, sure, but they seem to prioritize their position in law first and foremost. SJH and KSB don't hesitate to call out their losses, and even would rather not intervene for justice if it meant their position would be compromised. not that they're bad characters, not at all; i mentioned them simply to compare them to KS, who, despite not having the brains to do half the things she's supposed to do and earning herself nosebleeds everytime she tries, still does what she does for justice, passionately, hopefully, all for righteousness.

okay this was longer than i intended WHEW so i'll cut to the chase: long story short, HJH needs KS because KS gives him hope. hope of a humanity where people actually work in law and choose to fight for justice against all odds, even if the system itself is infiltrated by filth and corruption. KS is someone who, in her first lecture, was grilled the fuck out by Yangcrates, yet the first thing she does after she nearly throws her guts out is ask HJH whether he can tutor her. she does not ever lose hope, and that, truly, is what stands out to HJH, what he needs.

and KS needs HJH because he is her hope as well! hope by itself does no good if you can't actually do something about it, and KS knows this. HJH, despite seemingly just being someone to help her in her studies, is someone she needs if she wants to achieve her goals, if she wants to get back on the law the right way. which is why, in the end, KS and HJH are, while independent in their own way, dependent on each other in terms of their growth—KS gives HJH hope in humanity, HJH helps KS realize (make real) her hopes that would have been dreams if not for her.

oh my god i've rambled on this long without stating my point: THE DAMN LINE.

HJH saying he owes her makes sense in this light because, indeed, KS's positive outlook in everything keeps him going. it gives him a reason to keep wanting to work in law, because she is a reason to believe in goodness and justice, that there will be people who keep fighting for justice against all odds. he owes this to her—and perhaps that is why he goes all out to help her achieve that hope, perhaps that's why he goes out of his way to care for her. because they are each other's missing puzzle piece, the other half. soulmates.

sigh ok this was long ONE FINAL POINT. everyone has their own opinion on a solwhi ending, so i might as well chip in mine.

certainly, as a solhwi shipper, i want them to end up together. i believe they're really the best of soulmates, two people who just complement each other so well. but in the current timeline, them having a romantic relationship out of the blue would be,,, simply unnecessary, imo. they're still very much in the stage of friendship, and are both dealing with their own personal baggage, that shoving a romance would just take away the focus from their growth. i personally think even this platonic relationship is already a beautiful one, one that outshines many of the romances i've watched, even without having to flood everything under the romance light—which i think many can agree with me, seeing as how solhwi is shipped so much. i still want to see them end up together, though, so SEASON TWO LAW SCHOOL MANIFESTATION. please please please directors writers make it happen i am begging you. thank you.

sorry for this long ass post, thank you if you do read it and leave any thoughts! again this is just my opinion, you're free to let me know if you think differently or anything, or shoot me a message if you want to scream about solhwi or whatever i'm just solhwi brainrot 24/7 🤸🏻‍♀️

[auckie]

will u tell us the exact moment we SHOULD buy a house? ill start stockpiling money in my mattress

Literally the moment you can afford 6 months of rent imo. If you’re going to stay in an area for 5 years or more, and you’re job is stable? I would buy. Because you can always sell and so long as you maintain the house, chances are you can actually make money or break even (in terms of what you’d have spent renting for the same amount of time). Now I don’t advocate subleasing to a roommate, because that makes you a landlord, but if you can work out some sort of deal with a partner or friend that makes it worth it for you to have the deed in your name, then, again that can lighten the load of monthly mortgage payments and make it a far better experience than renting! Or, things could go south. You could run the risk of the market tanking and making it so you can’t resell when the time comes, or maybe you did something to make the value of the property depreciate. You lose money, or worse, have to foreclose because you can’t make the payments. So. It could be bad. But again if you have a stable job and don’t plan to move any time soon, there’s no reason not to buy even if you’re single. At least in my humble opinion. Granted I tend to look at older, smaller properties in cheaper areas of where i live, so this isn’t feasible for everyone. They’re easy to upgrade and make a good return on. Plus I have bottom shelf tastes and could probably be fine living in a trailer for the rest of my life so long as I get to decorate it nicely and garden. If you live in a city, not even a big one, and you /want/ to stay in the city proper, or if you haven’t had your job for three years or more, I wouldn’t suggest you try this. First time buyers do get decent deals on loan packages (FHA) but if you’re careful, you could sign yourself into buying a home for more than it’s worth and then owing the bank just because the loan officer smelled blood and went for the kill. If you have a good relationship with you parents or even anyone older than you: a partner or friend, bring them when house hunting. It’s sorta like going to a used car lot alone. They’re gonna think you don’t know shit, and chances are you don’t (which is fine bc half the agents I talk to don’t know shit either). Don’t take this advice to heart tho: nothing is wrong with renting! It’s a necessity at times and just bc you can’t exploit the situation to make a little cash in investment doesn’t mean it’s time wasted at all. ALSO! When the market sucks is the best time to buy (foreclosures, ideally low interest rates but they don’t usually coincide)— but the worst time to sell, and vice versa, obviously. Rn the markets still insane but give it a year and I bet we’ll have a 2008 all over again and you should be good to go.

[theonceandfutureking6481]

BBC's Merlin Season 1 Episode 5: Lancelot Analysis

It's Lancelot's first episode which is tremendously exciting. I remember the first time I watched this show (last year- I really make it sound like it was much longer than it is), I wasn't particularly attached to him but on my second rewatch I loved him, I loved his and Merlin's friendship and I loved his sheer nobility and decency. Lancelot is of course typically one of the most central characters in telling's of the Arthurian legend, so of course his appearance is exciting. Also excitingly an episode where I talk about someone other than Arthur! Yeah, if you can't tell Arthur's my favourite character. I'm not sure how clear my point is throughout all of this, its hard to articulate but I hope I've done it justice.

"Sir Lancelot, the bravest and the most noble of them all"

This is a quote from much later in the show but it explains something very fundamental about Lancelot's character. Lancelot is supposed to be the chivalric ideal, in most versions of the story he is portrayed as such, as the only knight who really comes close to fulfilling it. Lancelot's fault that puts the dent in him being the true epitome of the noble chivalric knight is his love for Guinevere, and its actually his son Galahad (who doesn't exist in Merlin) who achieves this ideal. However, the point remains that Lancelot is almost there, his character is typically about a person who almost achieves this ideal of chivalry, and they run with this in Merlin, out of all the knights he is the most knightly, the most committed, the one most devoted to its ideals.

Lancelot talks like our idea of a knight, its kind of hard to explain but the way he talks is straight out of chivalric romances, out of films about knights. You notice it because everyone in this show talks in quite a contemporary way, its an Arthurian legend for people of today and the characters talk like it, but Lancelot just doesn't, he talks like a knight from a fairytale. It's just a small detail, but it really plays into the perception of Lancelot as the epitome of chivalric honour.

I'd argue that he represents a knighthood Arthur believes in, before he even realises it himself, a kind of honour that's about devotion to one another and helping others and fighting injustice. Arthur and Lancelot do get on extremely well, despite the fact that Lancelot, in Arthur's own words, doesn't sound or look like a knight. His passionate defense of him to his father, as well as the fact that Arthur releases him from prison without his father's approval is because Arthur respects him and admires him and probably because he sees him as a friend. King Arthur's court is often the ideal representation of chivalry, stories like these about chivalrous knights were very important to aristocratic culture in medieval times, and Arthur's court was at the center of it. The thing is that there is a code of honour and chivalry before Arthur in Merlin, the knights of Camelot already exist, and they are often honourable. But Arthur's task will be to reset the idea of chivalry and honour on new grounds, in new ways and Lancelot in many ways exemplifies this ideal

There is a huge emphasis in Lancelot's character in serving with honour:

"It's not my freedom I seek. I only wish to serve with honour."-Lancelot

"He laid down his life for me. He served with honour."- Arthur

"He meant no harm I am sure of it... he only wished to serve."- Arthur

I'm not exactly sure how to define honour, its kind of an abstract concept but I do know what it means, its acting with integrity and respect and honesty. It's a concept central to the Chivalric code, that knights should behave with honour, so its inclusion here further cements the idea of Lancelot's character as representing the ideal of chivalric knighthood. Also the concept of servanthood comes up again, Merlin emphasises (through Merlin most of all) the honour in being a servant, you don't need to be great or noble or a great leader, the world needs people who are willing to serve and that is just as noble as leading.

Chivalry as a concept is inherently bound up in the concept of nobility. The etymology itself is from the French word for knight/horseman, of which only nobles could be. However, one of the points of Merlin through many of its characters is upsetting this class divide so prevalent in Arthurian stories, not just in also including the stories of those who aren't noble but in setting up a code of honour that applies to everybody. Lancelot epitomises this, he is the knight who most represents the ideal of chivalry to Arthur, he's also not a nobleman. Just like making Gwen and Merlin servants, making the most noble knight not a noble sets up this shift, highlighting the capability of everyone to the kind of goodness and nobility that Camelot's ideal will represent. Because fundamentally what's the point of an ideal if it only applies to some people, ideals should inspire everyone to be better, they should make everyone's lives better not just a small subset of people.

As Gwen says that in Arthur's knights "we need ordinary people like you and me."

Arthur and Uther

Importantly Arthur realises the injustice of laws in his father's kingdom and you see the contrast between him and Uther.

"The code bends for no man."

"Then the code is wrong."

Uther is stubborn, we know that, he's unwilling to admit the fault in his rules, in his ideas even when the evidence is right in front of him and that is a fundamental fault, you can see it in his treatment of those who use magic. Arthur by contrast is someone whose views haven't been set, partly because he is still young, but also because he is a better person than Uther in the ways that matter. He's not going to purposefully blind himself to the truth. For Uther he is also one with a worldview of absolutes, all magic users are bad, laws are laws there is no room for argument or nuance, and I'm sure Uther would see accepting argument or nuance as a weakness.

It is also important that in recognising that the code should bend, Arthur recognises the essential flaw in Uther's construction of society and chivalry. The idea that knights should all be noble, Uther literally says that it is the fact that all knights are noble that binds them together, and this is emphasised by the fact that Uther created the first code of Camelot (also the fact that its the first code- makes this seemingly small law much more important). This is a premise Arthur does not agree with it, this episode proves what it really means to be a knight in Lancelot, its a willingness to do your duty and act with honour and self-sacrifice. It is not confined to class, and thus plays into merlin's wider subversion of chivalry as only being for knights, its a code of honour and behaviour that all people can aspire to, and the ability to live and die for noble causes should not be the sole preserve of knights. The Arthurian ideal is so premised on nobility, for the rest of the kingdom, yes they have a just king and presumably they are protected and safe but they are kept from the dignity of being allowed to be noble, being allowed to be considered a part of the nobility and goodness of the Arthurian ideal. It's significant that the first figure to represent this isn't noble.

Other Stuff

"I owe Lancelot my life and I am paying for that in the only way I can."- Merlin--> This is the worldview of knights and debts of honour in its own way as well

Gwen and Lancelot are just awww, like so sweet

"Merlin would do anything for anyone."- Gwen--> True and I love that about Merlin, even as he becomes more jaded as the seasons go on this doesn't change that much—>he's wonderfully decent

"You're the only thing I care about in this world."- Gaius to Merlin--> That was just sweet and kind of sad He's encouraging Merlin to put himself in danger and Merlin reacts with anger because its like does anyone care what happens to him—> but the point is Merlin can help Arthur and no one else can so he has to do it because its his job and its his job because he's the only one who can do it--> Duty is doing what you have to do, doing the right thing even when you don't want to

"It's my duty knight or not."---> Similar to Merlin—> Lancelot believes in being a knight so whether or not he actually is one he has a duty to act like one—> he is a swordsman he is skilled and (theoretically- if they weren't creatures of magic) could defeat a Griffin so he has to do it—> because he can and its his duty to his worldview And Gwen's response- "You really believe that don't you. I don't think I've ever met anyone like you."

"You've already proven that to us"- Arthur "But I must prove it to myself."- Lancelot--> Isn't there just something very noble in that- In the desire to prove your ability to yourself above all others- to hold yourself to a high standard not just to expect things to come Will parallel Arthur in later seasons as he tries to prove his right to be king to himself--> It's funny the scene when Arthur pulls the sword in the stone (much later) is the moment when he proves his right to be king in every version of the story- but usually its proof to others- In Merlin it was trying to prove to himself

"Till next time then, Sir Lancelot."- Merlin- wonderful way to end the episode on an acknowledgement of Lancelot's role in the wider story- he is a legendary figure

[the-romantic-lady]

Surprised to hear you like Henry VI and Margaret of Anjou, given that you're a fan of Richard, Duke of York. Isn't that a conflict of interest or something? Lol. What's your opinion on Elizabeth Woodville and the Woodville clan, Margaret Beaufort, Warwick and the Neville clan, and George, Duke of Clarence? (Basically what's your opinion on the rest of the players of the Wars of the Roses lol.)

Gosh, anon you are encouraging me!! I love that you care about my thoughts <3. Alright then, let's start.

I used to be very anti-Margaret of Anjou. Until I started to look at things from her perspective. York was dangerously popular with a lot of children and a formidable wife. Margaret must have felt insecure. Also, there is this theory that Margaret's mentor and confidant William de la Pole, Duke of Suffolk was murdered under the order of the Duke of York. That must have been a tipping point. But I still think that York was the better ruler and person. I will get a lot of hate for this, but women in general were not suitable rulers for the Middle Ages. They were often driven by more personal ideals (Empress Matilda vs. Stephen is a great example and Margaret was no different). Ofc there were men like that too but women seemed to always be like that. As a woman, I understand and the later periods were more suitable for female leadership. York was a much better ruler. He was driven by the stability of the realm rather than his personal issues (he put his own son-in-law in prison and Margaret wouldn't even budge on her failure advisors). And her entitlement was mind-boggling. I love how messed up she was. And Henry...I just feel sorry for him. The Middle Ages also were not a time for artistic and kind kings lol.

Elizabeth Woodville and the Woodville Clan:

As I have said, I pretty much like everyone before 1485 lol. But Elizabeth Woodville was annoying af. That made her interesting but I can't get over how incredibly greedy she was. She was the daughter of a minor gentry and widow of a Lancastrian knight. Edward makes her queen and she abuses that power so much. She has problems with everyone. Warwick, George, Richard, any noble who didn't kiss her arse and even Edward. Queens were meant to level the mind of King. Edward III's queen famously saved French clergy by going on her knees to beg the King for mercy. Ofc that was a bit dramatic but many Queens did this. It was called the Queen's mercy or something like that. But boy was she a hell of a woman. Despite being raised in a pretty privileged household, she was shrewd and survived to the end. She could have learned a thing or two from Cecily Neville about how to put that strong personality to better use but regardless. Also, I love how she was shunned fron Henry Tudor's court when Richard welcomed her to his with open arms. I mean...karma. But all in all, I like her. Its as they say "well behaved women seldom make history". She had flaws (so did the everyone else!) but her character is interesting and admirable. And despite that shaved forehead, she is a gorgeous woman. So I get where Edward was coming from XD The other social climbing members Woodville..not so much. The shameless way that they tried to push themselves in and take hold of power when they had literally fought on the losing Lancastrian side is embarrassing and oh so disgusting. Like Warwick secured the throne for Edward and they were given precedence over him. I just...yeah. John Woodville legit married a 65 year old duchess (he was 19) for money and power. They were a hungry bunch and courting them was Edward IV's biggest mistake and towards the end of his life, I think he saw that.

Margaret Beaufort

I will keep this short since I don't know much about her but I dislike her. I understand that she went through a lot. Her father apparently suicided when she was 1 and that is traumatic. And back then suicide was mocked and disgraced. She ofc blamed the Duke of York....cause at this point why not? She ofc went through a really young and traumatic birth at 13. Her husband was gross and that's that. And we know that Edward kept her son exiled so she couldn't see him. But despite all this, I just don't like her? I suppose its the super impressive Plantagenet women who just make me look at the sleezy and dull Margaret with disdain. And she gives me real phony vibes. Like at times, she just seemed to cosplay Cecily Neville lol. When you see women like Cecily Neville and Margaret of Anjou taking charge in the way they did, Margaret and her deceptive ways are just cringe worthy.

The Earl of Warwick

This man. Just this man. The way that England seemed to revolve around his whims is amazing. He was a real Duke of York stan and so I have to appreciate him. But he was so fearless. Henry VI, Edward IV, Margaret of Anjou, you name it. He stood against them. The Duke of York seemed to be someone he admired but other than that, he fought for himself. He helped Edward take the crown and worked hard to keep Edward's throne. He was embarrassed with the whole secret marriage saga but still stuck by. But Edward clearly forgot who he owed his success too. The man escaped an assassination by Henry VI's men and saved his father and uncle from it. He actually took charge in the first Battle of St. Albans in 1455 because his rivals the Percys were mocking him. I just love him. Ngl, sometimes when I read about him, I just blush. A man if there ever was one. There were so many attempts at disgracing him. He was the Captain of Calais and in that role fought Medieval pirates! And he was ruthless at it. People loved him and he carried that popularity well. I should stop fangirling over a dead guy. I think I made it pretty clear that I love him XD.

Neville clan

I like them too. Warwick's father was pretty much York's best friend and I love him for it. They were also social climbers like the Woodvilles but so much better at it. They didn't have the entitlement that the Woodvilles did and managed their powers well. Cecily Neville was ofc a Neville and she is one of my favorites. One of my favorite thing about them is how courageous they were. Like all of them. Unfortunately, Anne and Isabel are both obscure figures. I wish we knew more about them. They were pushed around like prizes. Good on Richard for giving Anne a position to make her own decision. I feel bad for those girls. Although the York brothers were known to be good looking so lucky them?

George, Duke of Clarence

Ah, George. I love this man. If there was one son of York who inherited his father's glamour and charm, it was George. And I love that he stood up to his brother and sister-in-law. He was sometimes too problematic but I still love that! Glamourous and problematic. How can one not love the man? Although his betrayal of Edward is kind of sad considering that Edward really tried to be like a dad to his brothers. George took Edward's love for granted for too long. His breakdown after his wife's death is really sad too. Interestingly, this seems to be a pattern with the Plantagenet men. They all have breakdowns and downfalls after the death of their wives. Their women are so much stronger emotionally.

I know this was long! I hope you enjoyed the post :D. I would love to know your thoughts too and if you agree or disagree. Seriously, thank you for letting me talk about this. Nothing makes me happier than to discuss these people!

[thevirgodoll]

How to get over someone when they are the only person around and you are literally lonely and alone without theirs presence? Or just how to not tie my happiness with a person? I’m really not doing good

It’s actually not as bad as you think to depend on yourself. Being self reliant means you can depend on yourself and as a result, other people will find you more pleasing to be around.

You have to become comfortable in your own skin and learn how to stop being emotionally dependent. If you’ve been in codependent relationships and friendships, this may be why you have thought 100% reliance on another person was healthy.

No friend or partner should complete you. You are a complete person with complete attributes, and so is another person. They should simply add to your life. That is it.

It’s not good to rely on another person for guidance, reassurance, and clarification all of the time. Doing so objectifies them and makes them a tool that can fix your every problem.

1. You are responsible for your own feelings.

No one else is responsible for what you feel. You have to take accountability. It’s not anyone’s job to serve happiness to you on a platter.

Letting someone else’s actions control your every mood is a recipe for disaster. It can make one thing the other person does ruin your entire day. You’re giving your power to another person, and this will follow you in every friendship and relationship if you do not take accountability for your own problems.

2. You are responsible for your own growth.

A marker of growth is introspection. The ability to self reflect is crucial to your growth, and if you are looking to other people to validate everything for you, you may never get where you want to go. You have to discover yourself on your own terms, and by feeding into another person, you don’t have time for yourself.

You’re the only you you’ll ever have, so to waste time projecting your desires and dreams onto someone else is futile. Other people have their own needs to fulfill. You have to reframe your relationship with other people and yourself. The expectations you have created with other people is quite unrealistic, because it’s not another person’s job to be everything for you.

3. People don’t owe you everything.

You have to learn that we aren’t inherently owed anything in life. People don’t owe you a response when you deem fit, for example. They have their own lives, and you have yours as well.

On another note, people change, and can become incompatible. No one inherently owes you anything, except respect and decency.

You have to be appreciative of things and people in your life and understand that every moment is valuable. This appreciation should never morph into idolization.

You have to learn to look inward for solutions, because you know yourself best. Over time, you should know how to solve your own problems, and you should know to look at yourself first.

Blaming other people will never lead you to a positive outcome, because you’ll be waiting for them to give you the perfect solution. Instead of waiting for someone else to show up for you, you have to show up for yourself and validate yourself.

4. Loving yourself is not a waste of time.

A waste of time is worrying about everyone else and what they’re doing. Most people are too busy with their own lives. You do not want to be emotionally dependent for the rest of your life, because you do not love yourself enough. By being emotionally dependent, your needs aren’t met and you fail to meet them as well.

You need to practice these things:

•understanding your needs and how you can meet them

•pampering yourself

•inspiring yourself

•embracing solitude and embracing self reflection

•allowing yourself to be vulnerable with yourself, free of judgment

•be compassionate with yourself

•know the difference between realistic desires and unrealistic desires

•learn to recognize infatuation versus genuine attraction

•learn to recognize fear of abandonment

•practice shifting your focus away from things you truly do not need

5. Let go of your need to control others.

Recognize that it’s okay to be angry with what has happened, but there is nothing you can truly do. You can either do something reasonable within limits to improve the situation, or you can accept it for how it is. Your need to control others can limit your requirement to take better care of yourself. Which leads me to

6. Take other people off of pedestals.

Looking at people from a view of idolization can do more harm than anything else.

Change your thought processes.

•”My problems aren’t as important” vs. “My problems are equally as important as theirs”

•”This person is probably always right so I’m wrong” vs. “This person is like me, sometimes right and sometimes wrong.”

•”I am nothing without this person” vs. “They add something enjoyable to my life, but I believe in myself and I trust myself. If they leave, I will be okay with myself.”

Avoid idealizing anyone to a savior extent. Nobody is your savior, nobody needs to save you. Think of Cinderella by the Cheetah Girls.

You are rescuing yourself, you are making yourself the best you can. If you idealize someone, you escape reality, and that is something we cannot do. Wishful thinking sometimes can hurt you. The more you can do for yourself, the less you need others to do things for you - it’s more so an addition to your life.

If you find yourself interested in someone who shows little interest, engaging with someone who is emotionally distant, holding out hope for your idealization of who they are but they haven’t changed, or that you’re the only one doing anything for the dynamic, then you have to acknowledge the truth and take accountability. Let everyone be responsible for themselves rather than you taking responsibility for someone else. Don’t think in black or white and all or nothing thinking such as “If I don’t get what I want from them life is meaningless” just because of one person. You have to regard yourself higher than that.

You have to be determined in order to develop self reliance. It takes time.

Your job is to now:

•find things that make you feel good in life - new hobbies and activities

•accept that alone time is a normal part of life, and embrace it

•reframe your negative relationship with yourself

•learn to stop creating unrealistic expectations in your head of other people that cause you to need extreme amounts of reassurance and validation

•practice thinking rationally instead of extremes... “He/she broke up with me because I’m ugly...” versus “We broke up because it wasn’t meant to be. Now, I can work on myself and so can he/she”

•make a list of progress that you’re making, make a list of goals you want to achieve for yourself, make a list of things you want to change

Eventually, you will be so busy with yourself, you won’t have time to entertain ideas of “happiness being another person”. Cut out all ideas of this person, and let them live their life. Let go of any refusals to be happy. You have to tell yourself you’re going to do your best in spite of what may be happening. Go through my confidence tag and let yourself live! Be gentle, be kind, and know that it takes time, but it will be worth it.

[lily-mj-fae]

Elain should just end up alone. Lucien isn't a good match, he deserves his adventures and someone who would truly love him. Azriel is just as bad as Rhysand but ya'll will go to the moon and back to defend him for some weird reason. Graysen was a good start but it's clear SJM is done with him. The love interests for her are really not worth it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Are you looking for someone to agree with you?? Cause umm yea, you came to the wrong place. Like by a long shot.

On Lucien's front, first of all, you're wording implies that he's any better than the rest of the characters. That he's so perfect when in fact, he's not. Second of all, I think if it were handled well, Elain could love Lucien. Their biggest obstacle however, is the events in Hybern.

But they have potential. Elain won't send Lucien away, she'll be polite. Which is all she "owes" him. I think everyone is too caught up in their idealized versions of mates, of seeing Rhys and Feyre and thinking that anyone who wouldn't want that is insane. But think about what Feyre's reaction to being Rhys's mate would have been say...immediately under the mountain. If he'd told her right then and there. Or even if he'd made the claim at the wedding. It would have been pretty damn negative. (Granted keeping it from her didn't turn out to be great either and she was still mad, but she was able to build a relationship completely unaware). Now here we have Elain and Lucien. Where both are aware of the bond because Lucien blurted it out in the middle of an exceedingly traumatic event. Why on earth does Everyone expect Elain to just get over that. Not to mention, like her sister, Elain was already in love, in a relationship, engaged to be married, when the mating bond snapped into place.

So now, while Lucien is trying to keep things lighter, there's an expectation behind his actions. He can't help it. All of Prythian wants to find their mate (even depsite the potential they aren't a good match). There are hopes and dreams tied to this. And Elain: a lot of her trauma is now attached to Lucien. He was with spring, they even briefly talk about it. She was in love. Life as she knew it, ended the day he made that claim (not necessarily because of him. But given the side he was on and what happened to her, even if she logically understands that he had no part in it, emotionally it's hard to separate especially with that trauma).

So yes, it's going to take her a while to warm up to h when she knows he only cares because they're mates. Lucien wouldn't still be there so much if Elain wasn't his mate. Lucien wouldn't be trying so hard to get to know her if she wasn't his mate. And that's fine. But with some time, she could be more open to the idea.

And if things go Elcuien, imagine the adventures they'd go on together. Imagine Lucien watching as his mates stares out in complete awe on the deck of a ship, sunlight gleaming in her hair. Imagine Elain showing him how to tend flowers. And explaining that she doesn't mind the dirt and cuts that come from gardening. Imagine them finding their place in the day court upon learning who his true father is. And the joy they could experience. Imagine them sitting in a field, his head in her lap, her fingers running through his hair. Imagine Elain learning to be able to look him in the eye again, and finding beauty in his eye. Imagine them coming to peace with their previous loves being gone because they found love in each other.

And you're right. Az has real issues. Like feyre, rhys, elain, nesta, luien, mor and literally every single other character. Because all the characters have flaws. That doesn't mean he doesn't deserve love. Or a romance. And it certainly doesn't mean hmhe and Elain couldn't be a good match.

But i can see Elain and Az helping each other move on from their feelings for each other. I can see Az training Elain in self defense behind everyone's back. I can see the way he joins her in the garden, finding some peace away from everything else.

I can see the way they just trust each other and open up. And the way Az could learn to accept himself as he is, instead of thinking he's never going to be good enough. And i see Elain learning the same about herself.

I can even see their little shadow singer children and the chaos that could ensue. From that.

Graysen was great for what they were when she was human. But i don't think he truly loved her. If he had, i feel like he would have been far more conflicted at least about what happened. Or maybe his hatred for fae really is just that overwhelming. Regardless, yeah Graysen is over, maybe not though.

I for one would love to see some more conflict around him an Elain. Especially if its a "i made a mistake. I still love you" thing and Elain just rejects him and goes into the arms of whoever she loves.

My thing is, I want all the characters to get their happy ending (i realize it's not realistic but eh, i dont care). And Elain's happy ending I think needs to have love in the end. I don't think every character needs it, but i do like when they get it (hopeless romantic here). Like Feyre. She didn't really dream of love. If she hadn't found love in the end, but still found peace in her painting again, i would have enjoyed it too. But Elain i think is the romance story i want to see.

But Elain doesn't deserve to end up alone after everything is said and done. She deserves to find her happiness and her romance like everyone else gets to.

[morethanonepage]

what would you say are the dynamics and themes that interest you most? Also frankly I'm surprised you read any star wars fic still, I agree on just wanting to read some good finnpoe but that has gotten increasingly futile.

i mean the thing i potentially like so much about finnpoe is that they BOTH have very specific, in some ways very different traumas (finn being a child soldier and growing up in such a highly regulated way where he had basically no bodily autonomy VS poe being mind-raped AND seeing his inability to stop it as having betrayed his own people AND seeing so many of his friends & comrades die in quick succession AND still recovering from the loss of his mother as a child and Muran when he was commanding Rapier Squadron) but they both have a tendency to compartmentalize that and continue to function on their own while being loyal (Finn’s devotion to Rey, which gets a lot of flack in fandom but like -- that’s one of the first people he’s been able to form a connection with!! AND I think he lowkey feels that it’s his fault Rey got dragged into -- everything, so he feels a great deal of responsibility for protecting her) and passionate about a cause (Poe basically killing himself to keep the Ideals Of The Republic Alive, be it through trying to hunt down the FO before he’s even part of the Resistance, to doing everything he can to keep the Resistance afloat once he is). 

like they have those similarities -- a real sense of duty and responsibility toward their friends and those they’re fighting with -- but they have fundamental differences in approach that the movies did a shitty job of extrapolating on when it could’ve been such an interesting conflict: Poe is the idealist and thinks of duty to a higher ideal first and foremost (like Leia and his mother, tbh) whereas Finn is more of a pessimist and a cynic and believes protecting your friends and loved ones from the substantial evil is hard enough without setting up to FIGHT ALL OF THE BAD IN THE UNIVERSE like Poe wants/believes he has to do. and both of these things are based so much on their upbringings! Poe grew up with those ideals and freedoms and parents who fought, successfully, to protect them, and believes he owes it to them to live up to their example and protect them as well; Finn has SEEN the evil of the FO firsthand and seen everyone around him subsumed by it, believes it to be omnipotent bc for him and his squad mates it literally was. escaping all of that was an act of powerful resistance on its own!

idk i just think a lot of the fandom’s take on this is, if you focus on finn ~running away~ in canon or not wanting to join up with the Resistance just ‘cause it’s ~the right thing to do~ you’re feeding into this idea of black men being cowards and/or selfish when it’s like no! that’s the consequence of his trauma: he’s running away from an abuser who controlled every aspect of his life, who’s set up to hunt him down and destroy planets and take over the universe in a way that’ll mean he’s NEVER safe, and he knows every single person he grew up with and had some affection for are a part of it too, which on the one hand he might be reluctant to fight them, but on the other they 100% won’t be reluctant to fight him AND they know him well enough to know his weaknesses. 

all of this is A LOT and it’s heavy and dark stuff, which i GET can be hard to work into like, light fluffy fic about finn finally being happy or learning what sex is or w/e, and not everything about fanfic has to be a ~deep exploration~ of character’s inner turmoil but like -- idk. there’s ways of dealing with these elements of finn’s backstory without making the whole thing drudging tragedy porn (which is ANOTHER fanfic trend i can’t stand -- neither Finn nor Poe are characters entirely without hope and fics that treat either of their tragedies [lbr it’s mostly poe’s that get dealt with] as the focus or main characteristic of either also bum me out) and I just really wish fandom had more interest in it. 

Another factor that KILLS ME is how Poe has (justifiably) developed OBVIOUS distrust for the force and force users, and would have such a fundamentally hard time dealing with the fact that Finn is one. Canon didn’t even let Finn be explicitly force sensitive, and fandom is like YAY FINN IS FORCE SENSITIVE, NOW HE CAN USE THE FORCE TO BONE (POE), and any fic that does touch on it makes Poe out to be ~unreasonable for not trusting Finn, or having his distrust be a consequence of his PTSD alone, and a sign he has to deal with his shit VS a very real issue that Poe might genuinely not be able to get over: the force CAN be creepy and is too easy to abuse, and a lot of what Poe’s seen it used for WAS bad. 

the other dimension of all this is, accidentally or not, these dynamics take on all sorts of real-world implications given both actor’s identities -- the explicit parallels between Finn’s upbringing and chattel slavery (taken from his family at an early age, losing all connection with his birthplace and culture, seen as useful but dispensable by an oppressive, mostly-white empire)  & its legacy for Black Americans (that lack of connection with a historical homeland and the loss of a cultural connection that came from it) VS the first generation latinx immigrant narrative that Poe and his family embody (the sacrifice for and long separation from a child in the service of giving them a better life, the burden that child takes upon themselves to make that sacrifice worth it by excelling in certain spheres, the drive to be the VERY BEST representative of their new culture, the embrace of that culture’s ideals bc they don’t want to think their parents sacrificed everything for a lie [with the creeping knowledge and experience to know many of those ideals are flawed and not always lived up to]). 

and the canon ignores that bc addressing it would require world building that couldn’t center/come back to the Skywalkers in some way (and the only family dynamics it’s interested in is DADDY ISSUES, fucking Free Fall), and fandom doesn’t care about it bc it’s mostly white girls who, AT BEST, decide to focus on the potential ~sexuality conflicts (coming out, family rejection, etc) when writing real world AUS, without dealing with the intersectionality of a black and a brown man, their respective cultural context, and the resultant conflicts those would create beyond, idk, “POCs are always homophobic so finn and/or poe’s parents kicked them out or w/e”.  and like I really don’t WANT these people trying to grapple with the complexity of a queer, interracial relationship where neither participant is white (i’ve seen enough just watching them grapple with either character’s sexuality tbh). 

but idk, that’s what’s interesting to me: finn and poe’s backgrounds and how those set up fundamental conflict points for both of them, both in canon (Poe’s devotion to the cause of liberty and democracy for the whole galaxy VS Finn’s duty to the people he loves over anything else) and in a real world au (Black people have a fundamentally different relationship to the American Ideal than Latinx immigrants do, for very good reasons). And I want those things to be significant elements of the characterization for both, but not the ONLY elements of characterization for both: stories should, in even some small way, be about what characters WANT (even if it is just “to fuck,” as it often is when I write [ok it’s usually “to love but be able to show it without saying it, hence the fucking”]) and so few fics, these days, give me any sense of what finn and poe want besides, vaguely “each other” (”because the author feels like they have to write them bc the actors are hot/for woke points”) and that is just -- boring to me. 

also god i would just love to read some dialogue that isn’t just twitter/tumblr memes and/or mcu level mean quips. like, just in general. 

[sunbeams-and-honey]

i lost my last ask, sorry. please help me understand two of my placements, saturn (11h, cancer) opposition chiron (5h, capricorn) and uranus (7h, pisces) sextile north node (9h, taurus.) they are my strongest aspects, thank you so much for your time :) 🕴

Hi darling! Thanks for the question. Looking at your placements is very weird for me because we have the exact same Chiron placement (mine's also in Capricorn and the 5th house). I also have Saturn in the 11th house and Pisces in Uranus! Very strange indeed.

So first I'm going to go through each placement and how they affect your personality, and then I'll go through the actual aspects.

Your Saturn is in Cancer, which means that you care deeply about the well-being of those closest to you. You put a high value on the personal relationships in your life and you want to develop them as much as you possibly can. When you were younger, you may have had problems to do with the people in your life not caring that much about you, and you suffered a lot because of it. Now, you may be trying to overcompensate for what happened in your youth. This strongly affected you, and whether you're aware of it or not, you may be rather opposed to the idea of getting close to people again. You probably have a deep sense of unease and uncertainty about you.

Your Saturn is in the 11th house, making you a friend who can be depended upon and who will listen to your thoughts and feelings. You don't like having to deal with anyone who you consider to be boring or superficial. You may have many acquaintances but not many close friends, again emphasising the idea that you're wary of getting too close to people. You need to remember that not everyone is out to get you, and it's healthy to be vulnerable sometimes. Any childhood relationships that you still have are likely to be very strong and will stand the test of time if you let them. You may find yourself being drawn to those who know what they want from life and know how to get it. You're very responsible, and you may feel like you have a duty to any groups you are involved in. You're very hard-working, and even though you go to great lengths to make things right, your efforts often go unnoticed. If you want to achieve your goals, then keep working hard and just be patient. Good things come to those who wait.

Your Chiron is in Capricorn, meaning you often suffer for not achieving the success you think you deserve. You probably think rather highly of yourself and of the things you can do, but for whatever reason, you don't seem to get the recognition or rewards. This placement is another indicator that you are hard-working, especially in work-related areas and in any social groups you may be in. You may find yourself sacrificing a lot to get to where you want, only to find that you don't ever get there. It may seem easy to just stop your efforts due to you thinking they're not enough, but I'm asking you to not do this. Have patience. You're also very ambitious when it comes to your career.

Having your Chiron in the 5th house means that you may have issues related to your self-expression. You may have been held back from simply enjoying yourself and from doing the things you want to do. You need to accept that it's okay and actually healthy to do things just because they make you happy. Self-care and self-love is not being selfish. You can afford to take some time to truly appreciate your surroundings. Just enjoying the simple things in life will help you to heal any past trauma. You don't have to be so serious! You may have suffered blows to your self-esteem as a child, perhaps from a parent or a bully. You may feel useless and/or unlovable, but I promise you that this is not true. It's not a crime to put value on yourself because you deserve it. You can use your experiences to support any young people who might be going through a similar thing.

Having your Saturn opposite to your Chiron means that you often felt solely responsible for healing the trauma of your whole family. You may have often taking the brunt of family issues and traumas. You feel like you have a duty to always be the one to help your family, but the whole point of family is that everyone does their bit. It's not your job and your job alone to deal with these things. You may unconsciously feel like you should prioritise and achieve the dreams of your ancestors, rather than your own dreams and goals. You might think that this is what they want for you, but I promise they don't. They want you to enjoy and live your own life. That's the way to make them proud. You might find it difficult to associate family with ideas of love and acceptance, and that's valid. You don't owe your family anything, especially if they haven't helped you in the way you've helped them. You need to remember that allowing yourself to experience and cherish joy is a crucial part of your healing process. You might be feeling as though you have to sacrifice literally everything in order to get work done, when this is not the case at all. Self-respect is a huge issue for you and is something you need to learn in order to truly live your life.

Moving on, we have your Uranus in Pisces. You have an amazing capacity to imagine and to think of ways to achieve your wildest dreams. You are somewhat of a visionary, a master dreamer if you will. You can work with whatever spiritual force you like in order to achieve your goals. You are incredibly intuitive and efficient, and have a great balance of being sensitive and also sensible. You are quite sensitive to getting hurt or being disappointed. This vulnerability doesn't have to be a weakness when you use it to your advantage.

Your Uranus is in the 7th house, which means you can have a somewhat irritating and difficult exterior, even though you're actually very sweet. It just takes you a while to let your guard down and show kindness. This is probably a defence mechanism you developed due to any past issues and/or traumas. You're not a huge fan on things staying the complete same for lengthy periods of time, constantly needing change and variety, especially in relationships. You may also tend to attract eccentric individuals into your life, and you may like to form rather unusual connections with them. You're not a typically traditional person so you may like to experiment with different types of relationships. You don't really like to commit and settle down, so your ideal person(s) would be someone who offers you space and lets you have your freedom for as long as you want it.

Your North Node is in Taurus, meaning you can easily put spirituality into pretty much everything. You need to find a balance between the physical and spiritual realms, as you often go from one extreme to another. You are very powerful and sensual but you have a hard time incorporating the two into the same areas of your life. You may be feeling like you can only be one thing or the other with no compromise or inbetween.

Having your North Node in the 9th house means you are destined for great fortunes. There are unlimited possibilities as to what you can achieve with your life, especially in the areas of travel and politics. You may find yourself often having a bad reputation through no fault of your own. You might not have had a great education but don't let that stop you, especially with all the potential you have. This is another indicator that you should trust in your intuition because it's almost always right. You are destined to achieve great wisdom and you should use this to help others once you get it.

When your Uranus sextiles your North Node, this means that you are, quite frankly, somewhat of a genius. You are a unique individual with a great sense of creativity. You are daring and innovative with a very progressive way of thinking. Your childhood might not have reflected this, but the universe wants you to embrace your individuality once you are free from their views and rules. Your family is likely to change their opinions throughout the course of your life, becoming more progressive like you. You might have a fear of change instilled in you but you need to overcome this, and you are very capable of doing so.

Words Of Advice:

Don't let your inhibitions control your life.

Don't worry too much about what others think about you.

Don't rely too much on appreciation from other people.

Identify where you need to change as a person in order to succeed.

You are allowed to pursue the things you want to go after.

Life is there to be enjoyed, so enjoy it!

You need to put yourself first sometimes.

Be wary of the effect you have on others.

You don't need to hide from the ones you hold the closest.

Be generous.

I hope this helped darling and I hope you have a good day! Sending good vibes your way.

[a-student-out-of-time]

So I guess you all are going to talk about the Cuddle Puddle with the Nanami's, Hajime? Counting what Nagi say about Polygamy to you... I'm not sure if these 2 would be cool with it either.

…Huh.

…

W-Well then...

Y-Yeah...

So...all of you?

And Hiyoko, but she’s...with her family right now.

Tsumiki-san, does Kotoko-chan know about this?

Sh-She was actually one of the first to find out. She’s more than okay with it, I promise.

W-What about you...?

I mean...what can I say?

I mean, I don’t have a problem with what you kids identify as: gay, bi, pan, whatever it might be.

But...all of you dating each other? That’s, uhh...I mean...what do you say to that? It’s out of the ordinary, that’s for sure.

Tenmei-sama, Harumi-sama, may I speak for but a moment?

O-Of course.

I know that Japan’s cultural values may differ from my own, but polygamy is accepted in Novoselic. For me at least, this is normal. Or...ideally, it should be.

Ideally?

There is much we need to discuss personally.

But I do understand where your concerns may lay, and I wish to make it clear beforehand that we are not risk of some sort of international scandal. My family will accept this, no matter what.

Of course, I do not intend to force your decision. This is your household and you are the ones to decide matters. I...only ask that you at least put yourselves in our position.

And truly, thank you for your generosity.

I’m just...really not seeing the connection here. Chiaki, you’ve always said you have trouble communicating, but you’re dating six people at once?

It’s...really complicated. And we made some bad decisions, rushed into a lot of things and screwed up sometimes. I accept that, but like I told you both, I wanna be better.

The reason I didn’t come home yesterday was because me and Mimi had a fight...

I got sick of the way she was acting toward you both. And...I admit, I lashed out there, and I said some things I really regret...

I just wanted you guys to communicate is all.

We’re past the worst stages of it. And yeah, I know it all sounds bad, but being with them...it’s made me happier than I’ve felt in a long time. Maybe ever.

Mom, Dad, this isn’t just some fling, it’s not just some weird teenage experiment...we’ve spent months going through hell together and it’s brought us all closer.

Aki...I know what you’re saying, but...please don’t.

Huh? Hibiki...?

No, I mean, I totally agree with you. 

Tenmei-san, Harumi-san, I want you to know that I literally owe these people my life. If it weren’t for them...I don’t even wanna think about where I’d end up. I probably would’ve taken my own life if I weren’t for Haji.

And I used to think that love was all I needed...but I know better know.

I know what you’re probably gonna say: you think we should keep this under the radar so we don’t get hurt or people get the wrong idea, or something else bad happens to us. And...I think you’re right.

Haji, for the record, that’s what your parents want for you too.

Yeah...that’s what I’m starting to get too.

I only say this stuff because I love you. I love everyone here. But the truth is, we’re all a little screwed up, and we can’t keep acting like we just hug or kiss and it’ll all go away. We need what you guys have needed for so long: communication.

I mean, it’s not like I’m much better...I’ve done some stupid and awful things...

And that’s why we need to be better, right? This isn’t just gonna be some high point, it’s gonna be our new status quo.

*Sigh* Yeah, exactly.

Mom, Dad?

What? You kids are doing all the talking for us.

Still...yeah. I know you kids are happy know, but you need to keep in mind that, whether you love each other or not, things might just not work out. It may not even be your fault.

I don’t know if this is the best idea for you all.

But it sounds like you do want to be better and make sure this works out.

I don’t know if I can say I’m okay with this. But if you’re absolutely serious about it...well, please just be careful, alright?

We will! I promise!

S-Sorry...I didn’t mean to yell.

Still, thank you for listen.

Thank you for sharing.

Also, I hope it goes without saying that if anyone breaks her heart, you’ll be dealing us.

You can say that again.

U-Understood.

[linkspooky]

The Unforgivable One

Someone in my inbox accused me of not treating the heroes like “flawed human beings”. However I think they had a fundamentaly misunderstanding of the way I read characters, both heroes and villains. I don’t see people as good or bad. I see everyone as equally human and flawed. Bad people don’t do bad things because they’re psychopaths, they often do these things for very understandable and human reasons. You can often hurt someone for very normal reasons. Abusers are in fact human too, and often they don’t really see themselves as bad people. Most people are not in fact cackling villains but in fact perfectly normal human beings going through mental gymnastics to justify themselves. So with that in mind let’s take a look at the incredibly flawed human being that is Todoroki Enji. Obvious content warning for discussion of child abuse under the readmore. If you can’t stomach it please don’t read this post for your own safety.

1. Endeavor’s Motivations

Endeavor’s motivations aren’t hard to understand, because they’re basically the same as Bakugo’s his foil. This is something the manga itself has commented upon. Bakugo gives us a view into the mindset of teen Endeavor and likely the attitude that led him to becoming the adult he is. 

Endeavor is, in a way, as much of a victim of hero society as Bakugo is. In the fact that Enji has been negatively influenced by a lot of the views of hero society. Bakugo and Endeavor both have incredibly flashy quirks more suited to combat and defeating villains rather than saving people which makes them the ideal of hero society’s quirk prejudgice. People are not born equal, that’s the words that the manga start with, and it’s imporatnt to notice that people like Bakugo and Endeavor are heavily favored by hero society but that too comes with its own unique set of pressures. As hero society is ultimately a very toxic system overall that holds up an unhealthy ideal. 

Bakugo is a bully, ultimately. He wants to make other people feel small to make himself feel big. Endeavor is the grown up version of that same bully. However, Bakugo while being a bully Bakugo also has an extremely uhealthy mindset where he is constantly piling up pressure on himself and never really feeling satisfied. A mindset which instead of trying to correct Hero society praises Bakugo for having, and encourages. 

Let me explain. Basically, Bakugo and Endeavor are both the living embodiment of “damned by faint praise.” They are constantly being praised and told how special they are because of their quirks. However, while this may have been enough for them early on in their lives while they are little kids they eventually get the sense that they haven’t really earned the massive amounts of praise people give them. 

This causes both of them to be struck with a serious case of what most people call “Imposter’s Syndrome”, they don’t really feel like they’re the ones getting praised. They don’t feel like they’ve earned it. This is when one of their first mental traps springs. They decide they have to become the really great person that everyone sees them as. They’re always specifically aware of how short they fall as a hero from the expectations of everyone around them, and they are constantly working to make the difference up. 

Endeavor and Bakugo are people who have incredible drive, and also an incredible motivation to improve themselves. This has been stated before by the story several times but none of these are bad traits to have. Wanting to improve yourself. Wanting to live up to everyone’s expectations of you, or even your own expectations of yourself can lead to you pushing yourself to do good things. 

However, the problem is for both Bakugo and Endeavor that no matter how much they build themselves up in their head they’re building on very flimsy foundations. Both of them are building towers of sand, or houses of cards. They have a lot of self-confidence in themselves but it’s always fragile. Because they have confidence, but no security in themselves. They are extremely insecure individuals. 

They both pile up an incredible amounts of stress and pressure on themselves to be the best, or at least to be as good as they think they should be, but they also both suffer from the two same critical flaws. Number one, they have been taught no healthy ways to deal with this negative buildup of stress. This is once again one of the faults of hero society, if people are strong then nobody around them will ever see them as week. 

Bakugo is kidnapped by a villain at the start of the manga, not a single person is worried that he might be traumatized from nearly being killed. Of course not he has an incredibly powerful quirk. He’s strong, so he must not suffer from trauma like the weak kids. 

Bakugo is uniquely pressured because he has a strong quirk, everyone around him expects him to be strong at all times and Bakugo himself does not allow himself to show any vulnerability. Bakugo legitimately believes that if he was strong enough, he would never fail, never lose. Bakugo basically doesn’t allow himself to be human in any of the ways that count. Bakugo only sees himself but that’s a double edged sword, when things go wrong the fault has to be with Bakugo, it’s because Bakugo was weak. So, Bakugo has been severely emotionally neglected by the institutions around him including UA, which after Bakugo has been kidnapped by several murderous villains did not think to check if a fifteen year old was traumatized and mentally healthy enough to return to classes. 

The second flaw in their mindset is that they are continually forced to prove themselves. They work hard, but feel no satisfaction no matter what they accomplish. Even if they have the most resolved cases, even if they get number one in the tournament. This is because once again, the enormous pressure and expectations they push onto themselves. If a Straight A student gets A’s, it’s not extraordinary he’s merely doing what’s expected. If a C student gets an A that’s an accomplishment. Their expectations are so high for themselves that they can literally never be met, and therefore they feel no relief from the constant piling up of expectations and stress. 

This is why Bakugo is fundamentally insecure. He’s not good enough to meet his own standards, and it seems like everyone else exists to prove how small he is. Bakugo sees the world as everyone else looking down on him because he’s so stuck in his own head. Bakugo cannot emotionally process this, and because of that at even the smallest upset he starts crying and acting like a child because he just can’t handle these emotions. He’s unstable, mentally always in a very precarious place. 

What Bakugo wants is to feel good about himself. He wants to feel like all his hard work is accomplishing something. However, Bakugo’s self esteem comes not from what he’s accomplished but rather that feeling of being better than others, the societal pressure to be the best, which is why he not only has to be the strongest but has to put others down below him. Not only that, but if he feels like somebody is disrespecting him or not taking him seriously then Bakugo even goes as far as to lash out violently. He literally tried to attack an unconscious Todoroki (who was holding back due ot having flashbacks of his father in the middle of a fight against Bakugo... hmm, i wonder why). Bakugo’s mindset is very insular. Bakugo just kind of assumes that everybody thinks exactly the same way he does, because he’s not emotionally intelligent really to understand other people. So he just assumes Todoroki holding back is an intentional insult against him and gets angry. In Bakugo’s mind it’s justifable to be violent against an unconscious Todoroki, because Todoroki’s the one intentionally provoking him and looking down on him. 

Bakugo and Endeavor go through a similiar arc. They both build these giant towers on foundations of sand, only to watch them crumble and be left with nothing. They both realize that they were fighting for the wrong thing all this time. 

When they realize they were fighting for the wrong thing, all they can feel is emptiness and their own personal disatisfaction. Bakugo and Endeavor were chasing something they were never really going to have in the first place, because even if they became the number one hero, even if they were the strongest in the world it would never be enough for them. Which means they’ve accumulated all this stress but have no healthy way to deal with it so they vent it out. Literally the only thing Bakugo can think of to do when he’s at his limit is beat up Deku one more time and try to make himself feel strong again and prove that his way of doing things wasn’t wrong. 

Bakugo and Endeavor find themselves at similiar points. They both realize everything they were devoting themselves for was wrong from the start, and they were never going to get what they wanted out of life. While Endeavor’s reasons are not necessarily sympathetic, they are at least understandable and human. Endeavor feels like he’s owed a reward for all of his hard work. He wants to feel like he’s someone special and important. Endeavor and Bakugo are selfish yes, but a selfish drive doesn’t have to be a bad thing necessarily. Endeavor and Bakugo are always pushing themselves to be the absolute best version of themselves because they believe in society’s pressure to be the best wholeheartedly. They’re also continually made to feel worse than everyone around them. Their tremendous egos are actually fueld by very small insecurities. 

They also much like human beings don’t absolutely think they are right all the time. Bakugo and Endeavor both have hit their limits so to speak. Their struggles are sisyphian. They push the boulder up the hill, watch it roll down, push the boulder up the hill, watch it roll down and are slowly realizing that all of their struggles are getting them absolutely nowhere. At which point both of them begin to self reflect and think they may have been going about things all wrong from the start. Bakugo and Endeavor both have some awareness of how unhealthy their mindset is, or at least that it’s not getting them what they want.  They are sometimes capable of questioning themselves and where they’ve gone wrong. 

2. A Show Parent

Psychological projection is a defense mechanism people subconsciously employ in order to cope with difficult feelings or emotions. Psychological projection involves projecting undesirable feelings or emotions onto someone else, rather than admitting to or dealing with the unwanted feelings.

Endeavor is constantly battling with his own feelings of inferiority in weakness. However rather than process these feelings in healthy ways, Endeavor has always chosen to take his feelings out on his family. The reason why is because from the start Endeavor has viewed his family in a selfish way, they existed, and continue to exist for him and not the other way around. 

The way Enji projects on his family is actually for pretty common every day reasons. Enji himself feels like he can’t achieve what he wanted out of life. He wasn’t good enough to become number one, he couldn’t hack it and therefore he’ll never be good enough. That’s why he made the decision to instead try to live vicariously through Shoto, who he sees as an extension of himself. Enji has projected all of his wants and desires entirely onto Shoto. When he was raising Shoto, it was never about having Shoto’s needs met, but rather what Enji’s wants were. 

Enji feels that he himself is not good enough so he projects himself onto Shoto to accomplish what he can’t, belcause he thinks he will be able to find the fulfillment he’s seeking that way. It’s the same as a person with dreams of becoming an actor pushing their child onto the stage at young ages instead of letting them go to school with all of the other kids. It’s the same as a person who wasn’t able to achieve their dreams in sports pushing their kid to be good at sports. In that sense Enji is not Todoroki’s father, he is his coach, or his manager. He’s not responsible for taking care of a child he’s raising them for a purpose. 

This is the reason why we see Enji get physically angry at Shoto. Enji has so thoroughly projected himself onto Shoto, that anything Shoto wants outside of what Enji wants, Enji perceives as resistance. Enji does not seem to get that a five year old can’t take the intensive training because he sees himself as that five year old. He thinks that Shoto must just not want it enough. That he’s not motivated enough. That he’s resisting him purposefully. It’s the same reason as Bakugo getting violent towards the unconscious Shoto near the end, when Shoto stopped fighting him seriously Bakugo in his fragility perceived it as Shoto holding back from him on purpose because he was looking down on him. 

If Shoto succeeds then Enji expects to feel that success. If Shoto fails that means Enji is not only reminded of his own inferiority again, but he also is forced to relive his lost dreams. Shoto doesn’t know any of that though, he’s just Shoto, just a kid, so of course he’s going to fall short of Enji’s extremely schewed expectations which is where the negative feedback loop beings. 

Because, even though Enji is using his family to try to make himself feel better that doesn’t work either. The truth is Enji can’t live vicariously through his son. Shoto’s success is not his success, and Shoto himself even wants nothing to do with him anymore. Enji has been using his family for completely selfish reasons up to this point and we reach a point in the narrative where Enji at least seems to grasp the fallout of his actions. Enji is at least aware of the fact that his family doesn’t like him, and that he’s done a bad. 

Reconciliation and calm are both stages that are written into the cycle of abuse for a reason. Most abusers are not heartless monsters, but rather humans. The frightening thing is abuse is a very normal thing, that arises from normal circumstances. Almost anybody can become an abuser, because it’s an abuse of power, it’s a cycle people get trapped in. A lot of abusers realize that what they are doing is wrong, this is called th reconciliation stage of abuse. Most people do in fact feel bad about it when they hurt another person and want to make ammends. 

The reason abuse repeats however is because the core behavior does not change, and the power dynamic remains in place. Abusers apologize for the wounds they caused, but don’t really address the problems of their behavior on a deeper level, and because of that they let the tensions build again and another incident always occurs. 

So what we are seeing post All Might retirement is not really a change in Enji’s behavior, because the core of who he is remains the same. He has perhaps had a change in motivation, he’s realized that trying to be the number one hero is never going to get him what he wants, and the way he’s treated his family has made his family hate him. However, he never addresses the core of the issue which is that he thinks his family exists for his sake. This is not my analysis these are things Enji has literally said, not in the tournament arc but post Kamino. Endeavor still says I’m going to leave everything to Shoto. Not even asking what Shoto wants to be. He still sees Shoto as his heir who exists to carry on his legacy.

 Enji is still essentially doing exactly what he did before and expecting a different result. He even says so to Shoto, if he’s a good enough hero, then Shoto will watch him, and be proud of him. These are Endeavor’s own selfish motivaions and not what the other people around him really want him to do. He’s doing this for the acknowledgement he thinks he deserves, and the attention from his family he thinks he deserves and not really for altruisitic or heroic reasons. 

Enji repeats a lot of his behavior from before. He still piles attention and attention onto Shoto that Shoto does not want. He is still essentially projecting himself onto Shoto and the rest of his family, that behavior has not changed, it’s just his method. He thinks if he becomes number one dad now instead of number one hero that will get him the sense of accomplishment he craves. The problem is underneath all of his actions, Enji has yet to really grasp what he did wrong. He doesn’t grasp how selfish his actions are. He doesn’t seem to understand how messed up it is, that he seems to think his family exists for his sake. He found a wife, he had children, he had Shoto, not because he wanted to make a family happy but because he wanted to use them to further his own amibtions to become a hero. 

Enji is both capable of realizing that he hurt people, and feeling genuine remorse fo his actions but also not really making any signficant changes for his behavior. The fact that both of these can be true simultaneously is what allows abuse to continue. 

While he knows he did something wrong you also get a sense he doesn’t truly understand how truly heinous some of his actions were. Enji always has this narrative inside of his head that he simply made a mistake somewhere along the way, that he acted without even realizing what he was doing. 

It’s not that Natsuo is angry with him and will never stop being angry with him, it’s that Enji has somehow said the wrong words by mistake. It’s not that Enji violently beat a child because he was angry that child wasn’t living up to his impossible standards, but Enji somehow just ignored Shoto’s wishes. 

He always makes it sound like it was accidental, like he didn’t know what he was doing, like he somehow didn’t mean to abuse them. He wasn’t beating up a little kid he just ignored Shoto’s wishes and it somehow went wrong along the way. This complete lack of culpability that Enji has towards his own actions is also what leads him to repeat several really bad aspects of his behavior, such as hyperfocusing on Shoto to the point of ignoring Fuyumi and Natsuo, forcing Shoto to live up to his legacy and accept his help, still vicariously living through Shoto instead of letting Shoto be his own person. 

Enji doesn’t address the root cause of the behavior and doesn’t change himself in any real way. The bad behavior repeats. The cycle continues. What Enji has been avoiding and what he needs to acknowledge is that there was genuine malice in the way he treated his kids. He sees his whole family as existing for his sake, to meet his own emotional needs and when they failed he always took it out on them. 

For Enji it’s always Enji first and everyone else second. It’s always primarily about what Enji wants. He doesn’t seem other people, only himself, and what he wants. That’s why when Shoto literally has half of his face burned off as a result of Enji’s actions, all Enji really cares about is that it’s going to interrupt Shoto’s training. 

Whenever Enji’s family existed outside of what he wanted them to be, or got in his way in any significant way he always vented his frustation on them. He resorts to hitting for the same reason that Bakugo always feels the need to bully Deku. A grown up bully. Enji needs to make others feel small to feel assured of his own bigness. Deku has to always be underneath Bakugo, otherwise Bakugo’s worthless. Enji has to put his family back in their place. If they resist or show desires of their own otuside of what Enji needs for them he turns violent to try to force them back. It all arises from an incredibly unhealthy way of viewing himself and his own emotions yes, but it’s also something that other people suffer the consequences of. 

His family exists for his sake, which is why he’s at the same time both extremely controlling of them, but also just straight up ignores the ones who aren’t useful to him. 

These aren’t a result of Enji going too far, these are all intentional cases of neglect. Especially if you consider the way Natsuo and the others were treated. Enji didn’t even bother to take care of them and raise them as his children because they weren’t of any use to his ambitions. 

He straight up had no presence in their lives whatsoever. These are things he intentionally chose to do. For his own selfish reasons, because he thought his children existed for his own happiness and not the other way around that he was not responsible for his children. 

These aren’t things that can happen on accident. Neglect is as much of an abusive behavior as what was done to Shoto. It’s a parent failing even their basic responsibilities as a parent to be present and around in their child’s life. 

Even the children he neglects he still controls though. When Natsuo’s cooking wasn’t good enough, Enji forced him to stop cooking anymore. 

Enji had to have intentionally does these things, but when confronted with them he always acts clueless. He even claims to Natsuo’s face it was never his intention to shut any of them out of his life, even though he literally says on panel in the past that Shoto shouldn’t pay attention to his siblings because his brothers were failures. 

He’s even referred to his other children as things like Shoto is somehow different from them. So how can both of these things be true at the same time? Enji had to have chosen to done these things to intentionally neglect his family, so how can he claim he never meant to shut them out of his life? How can Enji both get genuinely hateful of his children, especially Shoto when they don’t act the way he wants them to, and yet also want to do the best for his family? How can he be completely absent in Natsuo’s life his entire life and yet claim to have wanted the best for him? How is Enji capable of feeling genuine remorse for his actions and realizing that they are wrong, and still have done what he did? It’s at this point we reach the psyhological excuses. The great many hoops that he’s jumped through and mental gymnastics Enji has performed to justify himself. 

3. The Shadow of the Hero

So there seems to be two contradictory sides to Enji. There is Endeavor the hero who stops at nothing to be number one who sees nothing else but his ambition and his burning drive to be better, and then there’s Todoroki Enji the family man who just seems to be sort of awkward, emotionally absent, and not at all present in his children’s lives. 

Endeavor is overconfident, short tempered, and also an extremely volatile person who will get violently angry if the wrong buttons are pushed. Enji is very quiet and almost self reflective. As if Endeavor is almost always burning, and Enji is burnt out. We see this same kind of emotional dissonance happen with Bakugo too, Bakugo is either on top of the world at which point he’s firing on all cyllinders and acts like an overenthusiastic angry idiot, or he’s very quiet, withdrawn and tends to dump on himself a lot. It’s important to remember that neither of them handle their emotions in any kind of remotely healthy way, so in Enji’s case it makes sense that when he’s not angry he just becomes kind of withdrawn and empty. A person who doesn’t know how to deal with emotions becomes very emotionally awkward when they’re asked to do anything besides, be angry, or punch a villain. 

However it goes to a much more extreme extent with Endeavor. To the point where it does almost seem like there are two people. There’s the much more calmer, and reasonable Enji that he has been showing around his family lately.

Which even Natsuo says that this change is so sudden and different it’s unnatural. I call this “good behavior” Enji. It’s when he’s restraining himself and holding himself back because he has at least realized that a lot of his interactions with his family in the past were wrong. But good behavior once again doesn’t necessarily mean a change in one’s self, because as stated above there’s a stage in the cycle of abuse specifically for when the abuser starts acting better for a period of time. 

There has always been two faces to Endeavor. Not only does Endeavor see himself that way, but that’s also the way the public in general reacts to him. There is Endeavor the hero, and Enji the person. Shoto even comments on this word for word, that he knows Enji is a very respectable hero especially to the public but that doesn’t cancel out a single thing he did. 

This is where we get into the psychological excuses. Enji’s arc deals with heavy Jungian themes, specifically that of the shadow. 

In Jungian psychology, the "shadow", "Id", or "shadow aspect/archetype" may refer to (1) an unconscious aspect of the personality which the conscious ego does not identify in itself, or (2) the entirety of the unconscious, i.e., everything of which a person is not fully conscious. In short, the shadow is the unknown side.

Because one tends to reject or remain ignorant of the least desirable aspects of one's personality, the shadow is largely negative. There are, however, positive aspects that may also remain hidden in one's shadow (especially in people with low self-esteem, anxieties, and false beliefs).

For Enji, his conscious personality is Endeavor the hero. That’s the one everyone sees and reacts to. However, his shadow his the actions he’s done to his own family, what he keeps hidden and concealed from the world. The things he refuses to acknowledge such as how selfish his actions truly were. 

Enji has a narrative for himself where everything he did was just because he wanted to be the best possible hero he can be. Even though his actions are entirely selfish, he’s convinced himself that he’s doing these things for Shoto, for his family. The problem is Enji’s entire identity is so focused around being a hero that he doesn’t really have an identity, or much of a personality outside of his career as a hero which is why he’s so underdeveloped as a person. Being a hero is his life. He doesn’t see the parts of his life that don’t relate to his career as a hero. 

He’s able to ignore the selfish aspect of his actions. All of the contrdictory parts of his actions because he’s in denial. He still sees himself as that hero who wanted to be number one. He thinks everything he did was in favor of that and he just messed up along the way. It doesn’t occur to him that he had geniune malice towards his children, or his family because he chooses to ignore those inconvenient points of his psychology. 

Enji is, two people in a sense. It’s because he revolves everything in his life around being the best hero he absolutely can be, that he doesn’t see how his actions are downright villainous. Enji is essentially trying to have it both ways. He thinks he can become the best hero that he can be, and also the best dad at the same time. 

However, his behavior is the same. He’s not trying to prove himself as a father not really, he’s just doing the same thing he always did which is put his job as a hero above everything else. Enji is just so completely in his own head, so in denial of his own actions that he just doesn’t see these things.

Enji’s actions are a shadow that have escaped from him because his way of atoning and fighting against his past actions is to just do the same thing he’s always did and try his best as a hero. Even though being a hero is literally what caused him to abuse his family, and Natsuo and Todoroki have both pointed out several times that being a good hero doesn’t really atone for what he did in any real way. 

Enji’s narrative for himself is that his attempt to be number one was a good thing. That his striving to be the best hero he could be was a good thing. It just somehow got bad results for him. He doesn’t really understand how he got to point A and point B, and part of that is again society’s image of Endeavor the Hero is pretty messed up too. Everyone around him praises Endeavor for being a hero while absolutely nobody talks about what happened in his home life and therefore Endeavor faces no real consequences for it. 

Everyone sees this heroic figure out of the image that Enji projects. Because that’s the light. That’s who he is on the surface. If you look on the surface of his actions only you just see a guy who doesn’t know how to give up, and was trying his best to be number one. It almost looks heroic to see his struggle. However, once again if you only view things from the surface you can’t really understand him or his actions. Which is why Endeavor only viewing himself as Endeavor the hero misses his own shadow and what he’s done to the other people around him. 

The person who Endeavor thinks he is, and who Enji really is are two different people. This is because of that unacknowledged shadow. It’s because Endeavor has this huge selfish element to his actions that he’s just completely in denial of.  Not because he doesn’t feel guilt for his actions, but because he does and he’s avoiding it. 

Enji sees himself in the high end Nomu he struggles against, but even that is an incorrect viewing of himself. Nomus are victims, ultimately. They were people who were kidnapped and had multiple quirks loaded into them in the name of mad science. The Nomu is Todoroki, Enji is Ujiko. He’s the one who created several children trying to mix quirks together for his own purposes and then dodged responsibility for that for years. He’s not the monster, he’s Doctor Frankenstein himself. 

Enji when confronted with these behaviors, with the absolute worst of his personality, and the dark sides of all of his intentions never acknowledges them. He never tries to integrate them into who he is as a person. He just tries to fight against them and defeat them. 

“Unless we do conscious work on it, the shadow is almost always projected; that is it is neatly liad on someone or something else we do so we do not take responsibility for it.” Robert Jonson

You don’t destroy a shadow. You don’t make the bad things you’ve done and the bad parts of your personality go away.  The only way to defeat the shadow is to integrate it and consciously acknowledge that you are like this. This shadow stuff is not something I’m applying to the text either, the text directly references it. 

This is Jungian symbolism. The light of the conscious mind creates the shadow. It’s because people only pay attention to Endeavor that hero, that his shadow Enji the person becomes thicker and blacker. The longer people go without acknowledging it, the darker his shadow will become. 

Which is why Dabi is in a way his shadow as well. The violent parts of his personality that Enji has failed to acknowledge or do anything about, part of Enji that still believes that the only thing that matters is strength. 

Enji would never approve of Dabi’s actions, and yet Enji also created Dabi. Once again think of frankenstein and the monster. Dabi wouldn’t even exist if Enji had never abused his family. The monster argues against Doctor Frankenstein that yes he has murdered people, but he never would have existed in the first place unless the doctor had created him which manes the doctor shares respsonsibility for even the unintended consequences of his actions. A person is responsible for their shadow, intentional or not. Dabi is the shadow of Endeavor’s actions in human form. 

He exists to bring into conflict what Enji has been ignoring. That he can’t be good to his family and be a good hero at the same time, because his drive to be a hero was the source of his abusive behavior in the first place and drove him to do what he did to his family. 

Enji is a very selfish person who hasn’t confronted his own selfishness in any significant way. Do I care that he’s only atoning for selfish reasons. No, that’s not the problem exactly. You could argue that all atonement is selfish in nature. The fact that Bakugo and Enji are very self-driven individuals is not necessarily the problem, it’s not a bad thing to want to be selfish, or even desire to better yourself. It can lead to good things. It’s that in Enji’s case, his selfishness always comes at the expense of others. He completely shuts people out and doesn’t even see them. All he sees is what he wants to see. Above all else this viewpoint of the world is very narrow and self-serving. He only sees the surface of his own actions. He only ever sees himself as the hero and can’t acknowledge that to his family he’s the villain. 

Enji only ever saw himself and his self-centered view of the world, and everybody else, including the children he was responsible for and the wife he forced a marriage on only ever got in his way, which is why he resented them. If Enji wants to atone that’s one thing, but if Enji wants to stop being such a selfish person and truly do things for the sake of his family as he’s stated he wants to in the past that means acknowledging his actions. 

Enji continues to be a hero because that’s what he wants, it’s what he’s built his whole life around. He even sees his path forward to atonement as just continuing to do his job as a hero, even when he’s told by Natsuo that won’t work. Which is why the only real substantial way for Enji to change is to actually have to give something up. To acknowledge that he’s in fact a bad hero. He even stated himself, there’s something he wants even more than being a hero now. He wants Toya to be there. 

Which is why Dabi is such an important character because he not only forces Enji to realize the worst of his actions but also to choose, between what is best for himself and his career as a hero which is the only thing he’s ever really cared about and what is best for his family. It’s only in the confrontation with his shadow that we can see what Enji is really made of. 

[raguna-blade]

So i’ve had this floating in my head for a while and well...There’s going to be some obvious straightforward “That’s absolutely not what they intended, I can’t envision it as a thing cause I mean it’s that.”

But I wanna talk about the way the gacha mechanics reflect on the story of Arknights.

So here’s the thing. It’s all about trust. Literally it’s all about trust. One of the things that Arknights makes really clear in it’s story is that there is a very very real problem with people just taking things on faith and listening to each other. The big central conflict, as of now, with the issues between the infected and the non? All of it is based on a massive breach of trust because the infected to a man know that the uninfected are going to make their lives a living hell, even if they’re a model citizen. Hell even if they’re part of the big wig nobility upper class it’s basically a crapshoot if catching the in game plague is going to torpedo you to the depths of the pecking order and ruin your life or “merely” have you waste away from a degenerative disease that causes rocks to grow out of your skin, is horrifically painful, and can cause wild and terrifying super powers that can have you control temperatures wildly, suddenly start reading peoples minds, or create a horde of zombies (although admittedly these require training to use, let alone use in combat but it does seem true that the powers kinda work without it albeit probably much worse)

So trust is a big thing here obviously, and that leads me to the next point.

The Doctor is the sketchiest motherfucker I have ever seen in my life. They’re this mysterious person wrapped up in a coat that exposes exactly none of their body, they down sanity potions like water, they’re a super tactical genius the likes the world hasn’t seen, and also save for your scary Medicine Boss Lady and Their Adopted Kid (who runs your hospital knight order) nobody knows anything about them at all.

And the few people who DO know the doctor from the past seem keen to stay the hell away from him (excluding Boss Bunny, which actually considering what the Doctor was like right before their amnesia should PROBABLY be more concerning?)

And the last point before I start tying this all together, from all indications story wise? Any and all Operators that you choose to use are already there. They’re already working with or are a part of Rhodes Island proper. They’re in the background sure and they may not know the doctor personally but they are already there is the important thing.

Barring certain event characters tied to certain events they’re already part of Rhodes Island in some way.

Which leads me to my little gacha connection.

The Gacha here indicates a willingness to trust the Doctor (and perhaps if we’re gonna dive into this further, a broader connection and willingness to support RI’s cause, and an active display of trust because you know this dude is going to be sending you into a combat zone. In a story where people sometimes just hot die because sorry bro it’s a war story at least in part)

Now i’ll admit the specifics of the gacha don’t work for this perfectly because you’re calling back the same people sometimes which has weird implications (although I think you could chalk it up to doctor getting to better know people and how to pull the very best out of them if we wanna keep the story mechanic connection strong.) There’s only so much you can do with what is mechanically just rolling the dice a bunch...

Except...The Pity Mechanics have neat little implications too! There’s the Guaranteed 5/6 Star mechanic, as well as the guaranteed 6 star after I think it was 100 Rolls, as well as the Guaranteed Limited Character when you roll 300(???) times on their banner.

And Recruitment via the papers works here too.

One sec lemme order the thoughts a bit better

The Headhunting and Recruitment Rolls are, in universe terms, a character actively signing on to work with the Doctor Specifically, as well as signing on fully with Rhodes Islands objectives and ideals. It's not enough to have a business deal with them for treatment of you or your people. It's not enough to have a roof over your head. It's not enough to simply have another place to fight, or access to the person you want to fight.

You are trusting this mysterious no face no history manipulator to put you into combat situations with utter monsters and you're trusting them to either see you through it alive (which is a thing they're eeriely good at) or at least to have your death really tangibly mean something (also something in short supply on Terra). You're trusting this organization that simultaneously wants to heal the world of a horrifying disease, protect those who are infected, and also seemingly really make the world a better place (fat chance)

Not to mention the counseling the Doctor also seems to provide which you know...

That's absurd. It's insane.

And it's reflected in both Rarity Level, as well as the manner of recruitment.

Tag Recruitment pulls mostly from a pool of people already associated with Rhodes Island, with the vast majority being low level recruits. Basically all of 3* and below come from RI, and of 4* up only about half do.

That is to say, using the method that costs you the least amount of money and effort (Originium is, in universe, actually pretty valuable and useful if also you know the source of the plague) most of the people that you can actually recruit already sign on to RI's whole thing for one reason or another and everyone else is there for a variety of other reasons.

The people recruited are also generally unskilled, owing to largely being newbies or generally just not being super tough, but then this also plays into it.

RI is in general, or at least ideally anyway, a Hospital First and Military anything a distant second. Ideally, but it doesn't necessarily play out that way (or at least we as players don't get to see it, and there does seem to be a general work if you want treatment but the portrayal so far scales the work to what you can do. Kids gotta work too but for them it's like...Make some Origami, play and go to school and that's your work which could be sinister sure but seems mostly not)

But even accepting that conditions for infected are awful basically everywhere, leaving your home is a big ask, and fighting for people who may in fact end up fighting against your home is also a big ask. It's not something you're gonna see low level folks do by and by.

But the people recruitment DOES pick up who are those higher level folks? They're generally sent specifically to Rhodes Island if they didn't come specifically because they're some of the foremost scholars on the subject of Originium Infection and so on. A lot of them don't have a choice.

Understandably, no matter how skilled or powerful or conneted they are they're not gonna wanna work with you or put themselves in danger for no real reason

And then you have the cases of people who are or were leaders in their field, arguable or actual royalty, people who hold massive amounts of power who are just...Not going to trust like that. They're wise to the world, and they know what's up.

That they're also massively personally powerful is perhaps a side effect of being so high up in the ranks because when you have people who can and do hop out of planes for a snazzy entrance with no harm and at least 8 kinds of completely uninfected Juggernaut Nightmares not being absolutely shredded when you're the big leader of a place is a liability.

Which ok that tracks, but Headhunting? Headhunting is where you start finding people like Skadi who are just...Absolute freaks of nature being honest. You start seeing people who have even less reason to want to have anything to do with Rhode Islands, more guarded, more independent, less reason to be actively into RI despite being there (like Popukar who's a kid)

And then you have the limited pool characters like W and Nian who have ample reason to not want to deal with the Doctor or are just kinda bumming around and Could Help but don't want to (with secret implications to being basically a Kaiju)

And getting them is difficult and painful and nearly impossible because they don't WANT to interact with the Doctor or perhaps really want to put the effort in to do anything at all.

All of this I think is pretty sound so far. Generally speaking, higher ranked characters have less need or want to deal with the Doctor and the Larger Rhodes Island, in addition to be just being from other locations entirely.

What I think makes this more interesting though, and continues on the gacha story link is the pity mechanics.

So, going with the idea that recruitment is more or less deciding to interact with the weird person who tries to eat originium slugs(!?) it makes the decision of various high ranked operators deciding yeah you know what I'm going to go talk to this weirdo. A LOT of people seem to trust him and that's perhaps concerning, but also well...It's a lot of people. People I know (in all probability. Especially in the case of banner rolls where there's usually one or two people who know the high rank units), and even then there's some wild folks in there deciding to put their faith in them...And Heck I'm already here so why not.

And of course that feeds into the trust mechanics too mind you. The more a unit is used, the more the doctor is demonstrating their small extension of trust is proven a good decision. The Increasing potentials is understandable as the doctor coming to a greater understanding of the individual (indeed they're all tokens of trust in some way shape or form aren't they? Things that Mean something to the Operator, even if they're implied to be things that they hate to think about or be connected but still unfortunately mean something that they can't let go of). And or, for that matter, the Operator becoming more open around the Doctor. Becoming more willing to show their full strength, and honestly, playing on the trust angle, isn't it interesting that so many of the operators talents don't come into play until they've been upgraded once or even twice? But hey if we look at it through the lens of Do I trust this person, some of these talents suggest really impressive things which maybe you don't want this guy who you barely know but you're at least willing to work with to know just in case it doesn't work out. TO say nothing else of the fact that upgrades COST. It's a massive investment of money time and supplies to get an operator up there.

Which, to come back to gacha and the pity mechanics, for the two limited characters to call for (at maximum mind you. Luck as always is a factor but you know) truly EXCESSIVE amounts of rolls, and rolls that call for you burning a massive amount of supplies? It can read as, honestly, an attempt to reach out to this isolated person. Mind it's just an extension on the pity bit from before, but given the limited nature it could also be read as a “I am trying to get to know you please respond?”

And For Nian and W that may well mean something. It's a degree of effort that could read as interesting and or alarming given their respective personalities and histories.

But well..that's about as far as I can pull this I think. As always there's going to be an aspect of well “it's monetization don't think too hard about this it's for that cold hard cash” which is absolutely and unfortunately true. Still, I think it's interesting that it DOES line up as well as it does here. If it's intentional that's really cool actually but still.