#i mean its whatever but likeeeeeee

[theyapper0]

I realized that I've never posted any art about the Ruin (the DLC girl that I'm calling Ruin) WHICH????

I've drawn some stuff of her before but I wanted to REDRAW some of it bc it was kinda OLD

Here :)

[soft-spooks]

WHAT if i died

[scoups4lyfe]

Hi Karen anon here, long time no see (cause 8 just check tumblr like once a week and that just to read your liveblog. Usually i come to check it on Wed cause uhh I keep remembering the 30 hours anon lol chile anyway).

See, thanks to the newly added tags it did make my reading easier. But, I was scrolling for fun when I encountered the (excuse me if this sound rude) that mf 'interesting' anon. So pls excuse me while I put my Karen wig on

I know this is just Tumblr but people should really be professional. Your blog isnt a ship blog or whatever (though I noticed you just merely implying it sometime) so I found it really annoying that the anon attack you for something taht didnt have anything to do at all. Cause well, I will be honest. Im just interested in your blog bc of the fun af liveblog and the amazing analysis (i read the Ikki analysis so much its my bed time story/hj). And Im quite sure almost everyone who came to your blog is also come for the same reason. So what our personal ship is irrelevant to this blog (well at least thats how far I observed it)

*Taking my wig off* now that was done.

As always, I enjoy reading the live blog. Though I find it weird that in the ep 22 preview, it felt like everything go back to normal? Like Hiromi didn't just unalived down the cliff 😂. But well I will be anxiously waiting for that ep 🙏🙏

Also funny story, so I am someone who likes spoiler. So I will search spoiler on twitter first. Apparently, they all said that Daiji was useless in ep 21 and Im like "Naurr dont be mean to Daiji guysss" (bc they say that /every episode/ it basically a joke). Unfortunately, after watching ep 21 myself Daiji did feel even more....useless (this is strictly my opinion I swear lmao). Like, nah Daiji I cant defend you anymore like this 😂

Well sorry for the long af ask. Thank you for your hardwork and I will wait for the Oltecca(?) analysis. See you next week 🥰🥰 (take care of your health. The covid cases in country really spike up so hard this week 😔)

KAREN ANON????

Ayyyyy howdy buddy.

I'm glad the new tags help LOL

JDSKFJASDFJSDFDSF

THE KAREN WIG

'm glad for your wig'ed defense 🤣🤣🤣🤣 and yessssssssss

yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

I'm glad you like my analysis posts LOL!! And awh <333 it's always nice to hear y'all are having fun with the nonsense I've thrown into the abyss aasjdfjsdfjdf

AND YEAH G, I felt the SAME seeing the next episode preview. Really lol'ed cause it felt like we went back to the 'monster of the week' episodes aksdjflkjsdfj.

Tho I know the writers like to troll with us so idk I wouldn't be surprised if every other moment in that episode is just 'sibs mourning' hours. Sooooo funny too cause if it isn't,,,, and everyone's actin like nothing happened lmaooo that's STILL in character

#repress repress repress LOL

AHHHH USELESS DAIJI !!! BROOOO

soooo funny that's Daiji's pet peeve about himself too lasjdfksdf ;;;that he can't ever seem to do anything (esp when it really matters LOL!)

See, Daiji hates being the "damsel in distress" but that's all he was ever taught to be (cause Ikki and Sakura literally did everything else) and that was another big reason why he went out into the world and got some crazy asf job -- because he wanted to prove to himself too that he's able to do things on his own

but likeeeeeee, idk old habits die hard hahahaha

(Also doesn't help that in times of great stress Daiji clams up instead of being able to properly react to the situation. Aka he just shuts down.)

My homie is still learning just *how* to do things on his own, and then the Kagerou fratricide-stint really had him back-sliding in any positive development he had previously LOL!!!

My homie is the picture boy for Learned Helplessness

"People that experience repeated abuse and other aversive situations eventually learn to become helpless if nothing they do changes it. It’s as if they internalize that since nothing worked in that situation, nothing will work in similar situations, either. The trauma begins to erode two other critical aspects of mental well-being — self-efficacy and internal locus of control."

haha yoinks. Man I wish we got more flashbacks of the Igarashi sibs past cause DAMN. Pls man give me some bread in this desert.

"Self-efficacy is your level of confidence that you can tackle challenges and learn new skills. Internal locus of control is the degree to which you believe your circumstances are under your control. When these two traits are high, you feel confident and empowered, even when things get tough. Stressors seem controllable, and you know that you can trust yourself to do your best.

When learned helplessness takes over, though, you don’t feel so sure of your ability to handle challenges. You don’t believe that what you do makes a difference, and that makes it hard to see a way out — let alone a silver lining."

(These quotes are taken from: 'What is Learned Helplessness and how do you 'unlearn' It?' blog post/article)

Anyways It's obvious that Ikki's over-parenting has lead to this situation. And I think what makes it worse is that Sakura is more useful/helpful than he is.

(She wants to be seen as capable so she steps up to do as much as she can / to manage what Ikki isn't able to)

So now he's placed in the position of being especially useless LOL.

Anyways, Daiji has a lotttt of problems :')). He's literally the perfect target for cult recruitment.

(Which might be one of the reasons why he's still so quick to defend shady ass Fenix. Fenix is one of the few things he positively attributes to himself, so if Fenix is bad then that just means Daiji's failed *again* at doing the right, correct, moral, 'good', thing.

It's the *only* thing he has giving him any lick of worth. The only thing making him useful. Everything he's accomplished will go to ZILCH the moment Fenix isn't part of the 'good guys.' So,,,for him its just easier to ignore all the red flags. Cause he doesn't want to hate himself more than he already does, rip.)

[saturndivine]

Bro I’m also an Aquarius moon! And I know you’re an Aquarius moon too so you know what it’s likeeeeeee. I mean I guess I feel like I have the ability to break someone’s heart but from my own experience until now I’m just not🚶🏽‍♀️

idk aquarius moons (placements) arent necessarily heartbreakers they just ghost you for absolutely no reason?? its either cause they got lazy, or bored, or whatever reason. 

[blackrupee]

Wow your life sounds complicated right now I'm sorry for that. So you aren't gonna have any managers what the fuck? And OH MY GOD I hate when people come in to eat so close to close!!!! ( I work @ zaxbys) if someone is acting passive aggressive I would act even more passive aggressive- make that bitch regret it- regarding the 2 guys: 2 guys is better than no guys:))) wish the first one didn't pressure you though. How did the 2nd one hurt you? - and I care so don't worry about boring me

hi hello would you like to read a novel on my life thanks i talk too much (tldrs at end)

nah like.. we had been managing with a general manager and 3 assistant managers even though we really need 4 so as not to overwork anyone. we recently hired a new one from a corporate arbys (we’re franchised) and two just quit. like i mentioned, theyre not coming back even though the original plan was that their new jobs would be only temporary (6 weeks). sooooo now we have a general manager who only works weekday day shifts, one assistant manager who is relatively new (she had been working at this place for a while but was promoted to manager 6ish months ago) and another who is brand new but still has some experience. they said theyre looking to promote from within initially, but they might have to hire outside people if no suitable potential manager is picked. id love to get manager pay and its not like managers do anything hard so id be WILLING to be a manager..like the whole reason why i got trained on backline was because we have such a big turnover rate with backline people since it fucking SUCKS and i was wanting to be helpful and flexible. so like. thats what i offerred. but one assistant manager was like “lmao all youd do is swear at the customers” and im like bitch when have i ever?? i talk shit about them all the time but ive only sworn IN FRONT OF a customer twice and neither time was it directed at them. but i mean im sitting on a small handful of customer complaints so its not like the gm would even consider me probably. idk dude. i can be nice if you pay me to be nice. but i get paid to do food and do it fast……….so

but yeah literallyyyyyyyyy i have no idea how people can be so??? inconsiderate???? and they dont??? care??? im learning that my contant frustration with people in my personal interactions is due to a disconnect between what i value in  expectations and what actually happens. like. when i go somewhere i already KNOW what i want, so i say it quickly and competently. i preface a lot of my interactions with people im requesting food or services from with “i’m sorry but…”. i phrase things as “could i get” as opposed to “get me” or “i want” which sound HELLA rude tbh. id always have my money ready at the window or the register, im always trying to pay attention and not miss anything or just….be rude in any way bc i know fast food fucking sucks. i know some of the people i interact with probably hate their job as much as i do and i want to be the smallest burden i can be. and it seems like nearly no one else has these same values???? and i dont understand how people can just??? be? so? inconsiderate?

also yes bitch im the queen of passive aggression. literally the night before i was working a short shift and my friend was closing frontline and this bitch was closing drivethrough. i just got the okay to clock out and i was like “bye! have a beautiful night! just know that i love you so much and ive everything ive ever said has always been fake until this point! never meant anything ive ever said until now especially if your name starts with k or ends with ristin (drivethrough girl/the one whos being so difficult is named kristin) but just know that i love you!” and basically being really dramatic and extra as satire.

i guess for context the whole reason she decided to be mad at me was the other night when she was drunk and was like “do you even likeeeeeee meeee i feel like you hateeeee meeee wahh wahh wahhhh” even though im like…..yes bitch i enjoy your company? i joke/use hyperbole/satire/irony/whatever a lot but like occasionally id be like “ey yo you know its all jokes right u know i love u right” just to ensure that she knows but she fucking. ignores it all. i feel like she so desperately WANTS me to hate her and tbh i got fucking sick and tired of hearing her complain all the time about this shit! i fucking hate repeating myself! so sure. if you want me to hate you so fucking much there. i hate you. i fucking hate you so fucking much. like is that what you want to hear? is that validating? are you fucking happy?

its so fucking frustrating

but i will not be held accountable for her decision to be upset. because thats what it is. she wants to be upset, and she wants me to be responsible for it when its literally not my responsibility. i am absolutely not going to stand for this shit like i kind of want to say its emotional abuse lmaooo but im just so fucking sick of it. 

everyone knows that i take chicken tenders and turnovers that would be thrown out at the end of the night and she was closing frontline yesterday and made a point to throw out the turnovers right next to me without asking if i wanted any/leaving any for me. i mean i completely expected her to be that petty of a bitch so it was kind of funny tbhonestly. also im p sure she unfollowed me here lmaoo

with regards to the guys and this paragraph could get a bit tmi/nsfw: yeah the first one kind of sucked but i feel like a little bit of the New Person Nerves have worn down so id do better if we were to hookup again. because like i totally would love to have fucked him but…..anxiety. he was hot tho. like 10/10 body and ass holy shit. plus he complimented me on my ass eating so (assuming that was genuine and not a vapid ego boost haha paranoia am i right) hopefully he comes back for seconds. 

second guy ive had a longish history with. started talking to him at the beginning of last fall semester and we hooked up kinda regularly for about a month. things fell apart, we both understood that we wouldn’t be good dating wise but still enjoyed meaningless cuddles. whatever. it got to a point where he would only hit me up like once every month and a half or so and towards like january-ish he hits me up again. so im like nice cool lets chill. im getting ready for this but my phone is in the other room. while im doing this he drove by my place to pick me up (since he was on his way back from nashville), didnt get a response to an “im here” text (bc i was busy and tbh not expecting him to do that), and left. he lives within like walking distance tho so im like “?? sorry i was busy are you still out or should i walk over?“ and he texts me like “sorry hold up a thing just happened” and im like…….okay. so im just.. waiting around for him. periodically texting like “hey are we good for tonight and whats going on?” because like there was some drama with his friend? hes like.. apologizing and shit but this goes on for an hour. BUT. the ENTIRE time he’s dealing with this friend problem or whatever he’s literally on grindr. and at the end of this hour im like in full blown paranoia panic mode and i literally text him something mentioning this and he BLOCKS ME ON GRINDR so im like ??????!!!!??? and i text him (all while saying “not to be crazy or paranoid bc im probably coming off that way but like could i get an answer or something??”) AND HE LITERALLY SAYS HE DELETED HIS GRINDR. but thats a LIE because i have a secondary account to see like……if guys are still on grindr/if a thing with a guy might turn into something more like if i see he’s not on grindr as much?? thats prob incredibly stalkerish and probably really creepy but hey. thats me. so i KNOW he lied to me but i cant really say “hey ur a liar” without disclosing this weird creepy stalker part of me (funnily enough this isnt the first time a guy has lied to me and i caught it with my secondary account! so it proves to have some function use in the end. not totally crazy). so. yeah. that was the incident. after this i dont trust him at all, and i still dont, but i had it in my mind to like somehow get him to fall in love with me just so i could break his heart for doing this? never really worked out. so now im at the point where im like….eh he’s a piece of shit and i hate him but ill cuddle with him bc it feels good

back to nsfw/tmi: the sex was okay. he’s weird about people being near his like….dick and stuff because he was raped and i totally get it bc i was too but he was comfortable enough for me to finger him and my finger still hurts from where he clenched when he came lmaoooooo. was totally hot tho. and i got to east his ass so im like eyyyyyyyy. its been so long since ive eaten ass so having it two consecutive nights in a row has been cathartic.

tldr; we have 2 assisant managers and a gm rn. looking for more

tldr; bitch. same.

tldr; bitch. same.

tldr; he’s a liar

[tomyideaofyou]

YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND,

I have probably been avoiding the day that I would post something about you here. I guess that’s because I don’t want to face the chance that things would change between us after I express everything I feel for our friendship.

But maybe we do need change, and maybe it is time to let out what I need to.

You already know this by now, but I gave up on friendships with girls a long time ago, for several reasons - most you are aware of. 

Our friendship was so unexpected. But it was one of those pleasant unexpected events that I’m very thankful for. I mean, who would’ve thought that going after a fuckboi could result in meeting someone who would change your life, forever?

I did not like you at all. I thought you were going after said fuckboi, so naturally - you were a threat. Not to mention that I thought it was so weird that you wanted to shower at my house when it was our first time actually meeting. Like, who does that? haha. I thought you were naturally pretty, and you had “okay” make-up skills that are now A1, thanks to me, lol. But- you were definitely really nice, friendly, and funny. I vibed with ya.

I guess we really got close after reading comprehension boy broke my heart, lol. You were there for me, more than anyone and more than I expected. My two other “best friends” (totally making a post about them later on), were of no help, but rather, caused my love life to scramble into pieces, but whatever.

But even before the heartbreak, I guess there was this comfortable aura that welcomed me into opening up to you. I was probably too damn real with you at some points of the early friendship. Even though you don’t really talk, or know how to give advice, lol, you definitely know how to listen and attempt to feel what I am feeling. I appreciated that.

I remember we would see each other a lot, facetime a lot, phone call a lot, text a lot, and snap a lot. Sometime in the beginning of 2017, our friendship was kinda just chillin, school was really busy and I was going through - whatever I was going through at the time. But we had a talk sometime before your birthday, about how I felt.

I guess, touching base on that, from what I remember, I just felt disconnected towards you. I felt like we didn’t know how to act around each other anymore, and there was just so much happening in both of our lives that we just- spaced out. And that’s fine, like you have your friends and I have mine, but I missed my best friend. I also was worried about what direction your life was going. I may not know how your family situations felt, but I saw what toll that took on you. I saw the stress with balancing school and work, and I saw the pain that a dumbass dj caused you too. So, as always, I put my personal feelings aside and I just wanted to offer you advice and insight that I love you, I’m here for you, and I hope I can help in any way that I can.

I thought the talk went well. We got closer again, you left for the Philippines. I guess I didn’t really bother to check up on you as much because I really wanted you to find yourself during your time there. I also wanted you to just be with your family and disconnect from all the damn drama, pressures, and stress back here.. because you deserve a break. You deserve to relax and enjoy yourself, with yourself. When you came back, I was so happy to know that you had eye-openers. I really felt like you changed.

We were close again - you, being a little too close and clingy LOL. But I loved it! Even though that was my busiest time of the year with everything going on in my life. I was at least happy that you were back, and back to being all best friend mode, haha.

During summer I introduced you to whipped cream. Now, please note that I’m not blaming him, you, or anyone else for the current feelings I have regarding our friendship.

I wasn’t super planning the idea of you and whipped cream dating, in fact, drummer boy told me that whipped cream wasn’t even supposed to go that day we all went to eat at Ninong’s. He was actually even complaining that he had to be home, and why I would bring someone else to brunch that he didn’t know, and blah blah blah. But little did he know- I changed his life LMFAO, I changed yours too haha.

But anyways, I love whipped cream . I love whipped cream for you because he’s honestly such a genuine, loving guy, and I think that if there’s anyone in the entire world, besides me, that needs a good guy - it’s you. You deserve so much love, so much care, so much attention - you don’t even know how important your happiness to me is. Like honestly, your importance to me is no match to how whipped cream feels for you- trust me on that. Like,,,, he loves you but I DEFINITELY love you more lmfao.

Anyways, I guess it was cool in the beginning, but then you kinda started fading. I mean I was definitely into something with drummer boy at the time - but I still knew my priorities. Now, you’re kinda just gone. In a way I can say that I feel like you replaced our friendship with a lot of whipped cream things- and other things.

I just kinda feel like, cool - you got a love life now, what about your best friend?Also- cool you got a mom being a mom... but, who was there for you when your love-life was into shits, your friends were friends but also out of control and broken, your grades were just bye lmfao, work was annoying, and your family was just ruining your life? Me.

You make time for him. He asks for a day to be reserved- you reserve it. When I ask you for even a few hours off of your day, you give me excuses upon excuses upon excuses to the point where it feels like- you’re too busy and can’t hang out for whatever reason because it’s me. But with everyone else, especially whipped cream , it’s fine.

That hurts, a lot.

Lately- I’ve been trying to find even the smallest ways to come see you- studying, after church, or during service, or anytime I’m in the valley- but its still “I have this,” “My family will be mad,” “oh jk I think I have this.” But I see your snapchats, your locations, and I always see you with HIM.

Likeeeeeee, the night we all came back from Disneyland, he told us that ya’ll went to the bank or whatever to help him with his financial stuff and you told him to not tell me that you guys were together after Canada Sugar Momma gave you a talk that “its all about whipped cream all of a sudden.” like really? That made me so mad, because what the fuck lmfao? 

So do note that me typing all of this, I kinda do expect you to not tell me anything anymore because of the fact that you did ^^^^^^ that. Which then will result to a filtered friendship, no.

And can you name a time where we actually hung out, just the two of us without whipped cream or without anyone else? Fucking last year- bitch LOL. 

So anyways, let’s take whipped cream out of the situation. I totalllllllly get that you’re busy, so am I. Trust me. I totally get that you have family issues, so do I. I totally get that you have financial issues, so do I. SOOOOOO, how come, I can still offer and promise, and work around my schedule to make time to drive to see you in the valley? You know before, we would take turns. You’d drive to me a good equal amount, I’d drive to you. Now it’s just like, I’m in the area- I’m willing to ditch church stuff to spend at least an hour or two to see you - but then the excuses show up. So I invite you to our church events, but who do you cling onto more - whipped cream .

***Side note to loud big rack girl, dude she’s fun. I can tell how much fun ya’ll have with each other- and that’s cool, but I know damn well before (maybe not now), you would helllllalalalallaaaaa clear your schedule for any parties or plans with her. So it’s like, okay cool- am I not too fucked up and reckless to have a day with you?*** 

Back to whipping cream over here - I don’t say any of that, because I know you’re happy and I know he makes you happy. I am genuinely happy for the both of you - but I also want to be happy for us two. 

I don’t really want to dive into the whole fuckboi and airhead situation- because we already spoke about it in person, and I understand where you’re coming from. So, whatever, but I also felt like that whole thing took a toll on us to, and made me feel a little negativity towards you. But it’s fine - there’s nothing I can really do about that haha.

Bottom line is, I can feel our friendship falling apart. I’m not saying it’s all you - because to be honest it’s on the both of us. I’m not sure what concerns you have in regards to my end- but I am more than willing and wanting to hear how you feel. 

As for me, I just miss you. I miss the old us. I missed it when you had a boyfriend- even before he broke your trust- but you still took the time to see me and hang out. I miss our girl dates. I miss our lesbian moments. I miss the facetiming. I miss the sleep overs. I miss the snapchats. I miss being your best friend. 

I love you, I really do. Even with all of this, I want to be in your life- and I want to keep you in mine as my best friend, forever. But it just sucks having to deal with feeling like, my time and efforts towards you can be easily neglected by an excuse that you don’t use on others - and I can literally see you not use on others.

I’m sorry if I seem selfish, I’m sorry if all of this is like out of nowhere, but you’re still my best friend and I still want to remain honest between us. But honestly, I just don’t really want to try anymore. If you’ve noticed- I don’t really start the convo first like before. Last week, I’ve come to a conclusion that I’m going to stop trying to make plans with you because I’m fed up with the rejection and the excuses and it’s just a slap to the face when I see that you’re out and having fun with whoever. It’s like cool, you can make time for them but not me- that’s nice.

And trust me, I don’t show it to you, but sometimes its a hella strain to even drive out there just to see you, I’ve cancelled shit and I’ve sacrificed input from my family as well. No one is really busy - you just have to see how important you are in their life for them to find time for you. But you see, when it comes to you, I don’t need to think twice - because you do not deserve an excuse, and I’d never be too busy or too stressed, or too scared to cross anyone if it meant spending time with you.

And I wish you did the same too. 

Wherever it goes from here, whatever you feel after this - I’ll accept. But I’d love a response from you, whenever you’re ready. And me being me, I’m always understanding to when your time comes. :)

I love you, and I thank you for absolutely everything. You’re such a blessing, and I will always outweigh the good over the bad- because there’s nothing really bad that I can say about you, as a person. You’re the rawest person I know, with the purest heart- and I always pray that one day- You will love yourself the way you love others, because you deserve the best and you give the best.