#i mean its pokemon day they probably will but. terrifying

[claitea]

oh god pokemon day is today i'm so scared... also the livestream is at 1am my time and i have work tomorrow but i'm stupid and i'm absolutely staying up anyway 👍

[doubleddenden]

So the stories leaked from gen 4 development are certainly interesting, eh? I'm sure everyone has their own feelings about it- some of you are apparently ECSTATIC about fucking your Machokes. Good for you, my guy. Some are horrified, thinking something's been defiled (it is fiction and most importantly non canon, you're fine, get a grip).

Me? I think the lady (yes, it was a lady) that wrote all of these is REALLY PASSIONATE about her craft, and was also referencing real world mythos and how they portray similar instances- I think we all know that Zeus has probably done worse on all giving and receiving ends of these stories, as well as Poseidon, Loki, and probably some other myths from Europe, China, and definitely JAPAN- key word there. In fact, the Typhlosion story is probably a reference to a similar story about a badger yokai that can alter its face to appear human, and the Octillery story is definitely a reference to- well, tentacle porn is a thing for a reason that goes pretty far back as a way to get around censorship in hand painted porn. The contents of the story aren't really much different or more terrifying than mythos we'd see in the real world (or if you're in the bible belt like me, probably EXPOSED to with morning bible studies before class growing up), and it's mainly just shocking to see it in the context of Pokemon.

And I think that's kind of the point. Sinnoh is already a pretty dark region in terms of lore and myth, and has surprisingly religious undertones considering the family friendly nature of Pokemon and its general target audience. Obviously none of the horse, badger, sloth monkey, octopus, god, or... Lapras fucking made it to the final cut, although in Japan they still reference People and Pokemon being so equal at some point that they could marry- that's even kind of referenced in Legends Arceus with I think a diary written by a man kidnapped by a Froslass? its been a minute, but you probably know what I'm referencing.

I think an interesting question would be "How did we get to these terrifying stories?" Especially Typhlosion and Slakoth.

Its important to remember this: None of this was meant to see the light of day outside that office circa 2003 to 2004ish. Yeah, surprisingly you weren't supposed to see the story of a man fucking an Octillery BEFORE throwing it back out to sea in a rated E for everyone game, and you didn't! You saw it via twitter, reddit, 4chan, tumblr, discord, or your local weed guy who all spread it from someone who got it from confidential office logs we wouldn't see unless someone took that info from Game Freak's darkest depths of other secrets they'd prefer to keep hidden. Every game and media company has this, good and bad, to various degrees of sfw and not. Did you know Disney has an entire vault of actual PORN that animators would make of their own anthropomorphized characters? Locked nice and safely, too... with uh, some exceptions breaking containment, I think?

So with that being said, we understand this is meant to be privileged info only a handful of people were supposed to see. That means they can use words and stuff you normally wouldn't see- Adventure time for instance had Finn and Jake saying "fuck" in story boarding, kinda funny- because its meant to be workshopped and tinkered with, refined until you get something desirable.

In fact, creators will often propose darker ideas than what they actually want so that they can more easily talk censors into an outcome they ACTUALLY desire. Alex Hirsch did this a few times in Gravity Falls' production, and you know Disney was a bitch to deal with (although he probably didn't propose stuff like this, but you get the idea). So this being said- Obviously nobody wants a story about a Typhlosion engaging in a non-con relationship with a minor it kidnaps. Nobody wants to read a story about humans MUTILATING Slakoths for fun and then getting revenge impregnated by a Slaking, only to give birth to a Slakoth and have it killed and thus kill yourself out of grief for your lost child (people reading this without context- ho boy you guys have missed out on some crazy shit that's popped up). So what is okay from here?

Maybe a little Pokemon death after going a while without it and accruing a reputation of being safe for kids? Mention of Pokemon bones being picked clean of meat and put back into a river so it can come back reborn? Some darker undertones of Pokemon being tormented by Team Galactic? How about a story of a boy slaying Pokemon with a sword, but less detail of mutilation of Ursaring and Slakoth? All of this made it into Diamond and Pearl, didn't it? Add in a little Human and Pokemon "Marriage" that is easily scrubbed out and replaced with "eating at the same table" for the more sensitive Western audience, and you have some pretty believable, dark, somewhat uncomfortable but child friendly lore for Pokemon.

Not to mention, a lot of this was probably pitched just to get a feel of the vibe they were going for in the game. If you read back through the stories, bits and pieces end up being used in other, non Poke-fucking stories, or recontextualized. See the above.

While its certainly a relief that they're non canon, it is a rather interesting look at the development of gen 4 lore and actually makes it feel more... realistic, in a way- again, comparing it to real world mythos and religious tales. That, and honestly? The religious backstory is actually, unironically amazing- HEAVILY based on real world religion, but plenty of real world religions steal from other religions and mythos anyway (coughchristianitycough).

Its actually a bit sad, because in any other JRPG, Arceus becoming a wounded woman that an ordinary man cares for, Arceus falling in love with this man because he treated her so tenderly, bearing human twins, the twins becoming Dialga and Palkia to fight some Titan that would become Mt Coronet, and Arceus loving this man so much that she took his soul to create Azelf, Uxie, and Mesprit to spread love and joy throughout the world? That would literally be INSANELY GOOD world building. Plus! Arceus was a human woman when she did this! It was also consensual! Can you imagine what the world would have been like if we had gotten not only FEMALE Arceus- god of all Pokemon universes- but also a HUMAN INCARNATION of her? And this was BEFORE Giratina came into the picture, apparently. If anything, we got robbed a bit of some deep lore and potential story telling from this being cut, imo.

But one more thing to consider is this: All the stories, even if they did make it to the final cut, would still be stories within a story. Fictional folktales within a fictional setting. If we judge the above by how relevant the ACTUAL content that made it into the games were to the actual overarching plot... It'd be overall kinda useless beyond some flavor text. That's kind of the sad fact of it. Pokemon Players especially, grown adults too, are not exactly known to be well read and some play the game by rapidly A pressing every ounce of dialog they come across, even in brand new playthroughs. I'm sure some remember that one idiot on twitter that thought he made the discovery of the century when he found Snowpoint Temple in Legends Arceus, right? So understandably, especially when you're working on a clock, on limited space, on new and unfamiliar hardware, and trying to be as broad and reachable to audiences as you can- things get cut. Even... Some of the coolest lore building of all time SERIOUSLY A FUCKING PANTHEON WHAT THE HELL.

And I lied, there is one more thing to consider, especially for anyone actually morally offended by some of the content mentioned- Keep in mind that this is in 2003 to 2005ish Japan, with Game Freak (who we know are pretty out of touch in some regards, even by today's standards), before twitter, before tumblr, during a more edgy time for... well, everyone alive at the time, and especially adults. That's 20 years ago. Some of you may not have been alive at that point (did you finish your snacks and juice, lil guy?), some of you probably had a lot of your formative education influenced by the more puritanical side of tumblr or twitter, but it was simply a different time and place. That's it. The people involved in this have moved on and have probably grown into better people, and probably haven't made more fics like this. Maybe. Who knows. It's fiction anyway, and nobody real got hurt from it, and that's what's most important at the end of the day.

So that's my thoughts on it. I think I'm more annoyed by the fact that one of my favorites got a worse Vaporeon treatment than anything, and there's possibly the risk of Nintendo/TPC/Game Freak overreacting and gatekeeping Typhlosion out of the games for a bit. Sigh. My first pokemon, man. Well, anyway, try not to take it too seriously if you see the jokes and memes about it. It'll pass.

But hey, sexy Latina Skyla is canon! Shadow the Hedgehog wins!

[resident-idiot-simp]

So I have been reading your x men Pokemon au and I am like,this is so cute but imagine a scenario where the x men and the students didn't know that Logan had a pokemon that was the supposed ancestor of all Pokemon? Like everyone had their own pokemon but nobody saw Logan with his own,let alone there's some weird psychic energy around him?

Bonus is Mewtwo is part of it as Logan's pokemon too!

Love this.

(okay prepare for heavy projection time and I'll elaborate exactly what I mean at the end)

I can't imagine Logan catching pokémon at least not in this au (I made him a team already lol). Logan would see them as friends or just animals. To be treated with kindness and be revered in death. He on principle would refuse to catch them and tie them to him.

He could never take them away from their home like he had been. That isn't to say that pokémon didn't try to get caught by him they absolutely do. He however refuses to catch them he has no qualms with them following him from place to place coming and going as they please, but he will never catch them.

(He doesn't dislike or look down upon anyone who does It's just a personal choice of his.)

Mew is even more a point of this rule because who is he to catch and tie such a creature to him. This is an entity unto its own something powerful and ancient that he would never touch because he respects it too much. Mew of course respects this maybe even admires it because God knows how many have tried to catch it before.

This however would make Logan even more terrifying because people absolutely believe he could catch Mew or any legendary for that matter. I mean it's the Wolverine an unstoppable force of nature. However to know that he never caught it and that it just chooses to follow him that it loves him that much? It makes it all the more terrifying.

The X-Men rightfully assume that Logan just doesn't have pokémon. He never corrects it of course because they're technically right.

The X-Men do notice weird things that seem to happen around him some unseen force always....there. However no one pays any mind I mean why would they?

It all comes to a head one day when the mansion gets attacked and Logan ends up fighting to protect everyone. Everyone sees as psychic forces seem to stop attackers in their place before anyone gets hurt. No one knows what's doing it but they are extremely thankful.

At the end of the attack it is revealed as right before Logan gets shot a forcefield surrounds him. Everyone freezes and that's what gets the man who took the shot impaled in Logan's claws.

"Thanks bub." Logan calls and then Mew floats around a corner making happy noises. It flies up next to Logan doing circles around the man checking him over. Logan chuckles and scratches the mythical's chin with a smile.

From somewhere behind you just hear

"IS THAT FUCKING MEW?!'

Mewtwo i could see making an appearance probably only to help a particularly fucked situation or just as a drop-in visit. Mewtwo coming to check out what Mew has been up to only to see it curled around some dude who doesn't even blink at Mewtwo's appears. He just asks if if wants anything to eat (Mewtwo says yes and now makes regular visits to get food and good company)

Imagine as soon as he moves in with Wade Mewtwo visits and Wade nearly dies (Is it a heart attack or did Mewtwo try to kill him? Who knows)

Mewtwo however is absolutely besties with Laura.

So my thoughts explanation as previously promised.

I am a huge fan of the native american way of viewing the wilderness and animals. I believe you take only what you need be thankful for it's sacrifice and waste non of it. Logan I believe would see it the same way. He would want to disturb anything or place and so on principle would refuse to catch pokémon ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

For funsies, do you have thoughts about what pokemon each Cullen would be most likely to have? Like idk why but I picture Emmett with a Growlithe

I swear to god I had answered this somewhere but since I can't find it, I doubt others can find it.

Let's do it.

Alice

Per the Pokemon universe, Alice is very clearly a psychic and while a powerful one is more or less bog-standard and less terrifying than Sabrina.

I imagine Alice would have a Kadabra and they would have great fun together as Alice communicates for them and uses them to teleport her places she wishes to go.

Bella

Bella has an Eevee, not only is it appropriately normal/non-interesting looking but it's very vulnerable looking, weak compared to its potential evolutionary forms, and has that evolutionary potential to become almost anything for all Bella wouldn't really recognize that fact.

She'd love Eevee because it's a normal type, just like her, because Bella is so normal it hurts.

"Bella, that means only fighting types are super effective against you"

"I am so average."

Carlisle

Carlisle has a Chansey that becomes a Blissey that is his wife Esme. See, Carlisle was working at a Pokemon Center (as one does) and one day came in a tragic Chansey that had had to run away from its trainer and in the process lost its egg.

Everyone had given up on Chansey and Carlisle, cursing himself for being a vampire and probably terrifying the life out of her, ends up taking her home.

Chansey thrives in her new environment and, as all Chansey do, becomes progressively weird the more happy she is. Chansey evolves into a Blissey, a creature that will run at lightening speeds to offer you an egg in your time of need.

It is accepted in the Cullen household that Esme the Blissey is the Cullen mom. It's so accepted, they forget it's weird.

Bella comes to their house and Edward promises she'll love his mother.

Who is his mother?

The Blissey making Italian food in the kitchen because Isaballa is Italian right? (Despite Blissey only saying "Blissey" the plot does not change at all and Bella just assumes that when Blissey goes on a long chirping rant to her it's about how great Edward is.

Yeah, Edward must be her favorite blood sucking child.)

Edward

Edward doesn't have a pokemon.

This is because as a vampire he didn't want to corrupt a good, benign, pokemon with his presence (only the fact that Carlisle and Esme are so pure prevents him from feeling too terrible about Esme). So, Edward wants to gravitate towards more... ah... let's call them tempermental pokemon such as Gengar.

However, Edward doesn't actually want a Gengar, as he wants to be a good person worthy of the world, and a Gengar also doesn't want him for that same reason.

When he meets Bella, there's a dramatic moment where she helps him accept that he too can have a pokemon like a real boy. As Bella tells him what to get, and he wants to impress her, I imagine he gets a Dragonair as it's so beautiful and elegant, just like Bella thinks Edward is (he's never allowed to evolve it into a herp de derp Dragonite).

Emmett

Growlithe and Arcanine in the pokemon world I think are a little too associated with duty/law enforcement to quite be Emmett's thing. Growlithes, while dogs, are very much watch dogs and have a steadfast seriousness when it comes to protection/the law or what have you.

I'm really struggling with him, actually.

I'm going to go with Aipom, good natured but extremely mischievous (and perhaps a little short sighted) who love to live in groups and are just looking for a good time.

Emmett would think his Aipom is the shit.

Emmett also has a Magikarp because he thinks it's hilarious. Its name is Splash. He will never ever trade it.

Esme

Esme is a Blissey. See above.

Though, a happy (but weird), day might come about when coming back from doing the shopping (which Blissey happily does now without having to worry about eating people even if the towns people of Poke Forks are a little surprised that the Blissey is just out there shopping... alone... or going to parent teacher conferences and just... acting like people) and what do you know there's an egg.

"This is our egg, Carlisle" Esme the Blissey clearly pantomimes.

"Sure," is what Carlisle says because he doesn't want to disagree (and pokemon work in mysterious ways) but he did not do the thing that you know humans do to procreate.

Anyways, point being, Esme at one point might have a little Happiny.

Rosalie looks on it with envy because while she adores Esme, EsMe CaN HaVE ChiLDrEN anD isN't a VAmPIrE.

Jasper

Jasper has a Houndoom from his glory days at war. He tries to tell people it's not a Balrog.

Jasper is wrong, it is a Balrog.

Renesmee

There's a story here.

There is great debate over what pokemon Renemsee should get as it should be as special and wonderful as she is. Edward wants to give he ran Eevee, like her mother (Bella's Eevee having since evolved into some state Bella thinks is more cool/better) and for the symbolism of potential and growth that Eevees represent.

Bella wants to give her daughter a Dratini, something that will grow up to be beautiful and elegant and otherworldly (and never a Dragonite, never, it will only stay a Dratini).

Esme of course offers her beloved daughter Happiny (but isn't that your child Esme???) as well as an egg in Renesmee's time of need.

Alice wants her with something adorable like a Pichu, Azumarill, or what have you. It will look great in pictures. And must never ever be allowed to evolve.

Emmett wants to give her a Magikarp which they will name "Splash Two" or "Splashnesmee".

Jacob, of course, wants to give Renesmee a Mightyena because it's a wolf. "It will eat her face, Jacob" Bella does not want to do this even if she admits the symbolism is touching.

In all the bickering, Renesmee stumbles across a Cleffa (stumble being that a spaceship arrived and hit her in the face). Cleffa, being extremely rare and alien, is not recognized by the Cullens who stare and wonder "what is that thing".

Alice supposes it's cute, if not what she had in mind, she can work with this. Bella, Edward, and Jacob are all still upset and trying to get Renesmee to give the thing to Esme to raise so she can have their pokemon instead.

Renesmee ends up with all the pokemon, but does not get rid of Cleffa.

Rosalie

I actually put Rosalie as having a Chikorita. Chikoritas are steadfast, loyal to those they love, as well as courageous. While a Vulpix and Ninetales would appeal to Rosalie's aesthetics, being incredibly beautiful, Chikorita would have all the qualities she'd look for in a friend/partner that is a Pokemon while also being able to be nurturing/help with chores and things (via the use of helpful vines versus well fire balls).

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

About Me: Favorite Pokemon

Pokemon is a series very near and dear to my heart. From my early experiences watching the anime and playing the card game to staying up all night in the hospital playing Pokemon Crystal to getting my first-ever game of my own (Sapphire) and picking my first starter (Torchic), I just have an endless stream of positive memories of this franchise.

Of course, most of the positive memories wouldn’t be half as good without all the Pokémon I befriended along the way. There’s over a thousand of these creatures now and while I don’t think any Pokémon is bad, I’ve obviously come to like some more than other. That’s what this list is for.

Unfortunately, due to the image limit on posts I had to cut this list down from 50 to 30 so that there wouldn’t be twenty boring blank spaces like I had to do with my video game list. A lack of pictures there is whatever, but when I can’t showcase the designs of the critters I’m talking about, there’s a big issue. This means there’s a lot of honorable mentions: Klefki, Jynx, Slither Wing, Lapras, Garbodor, Lunala, every single Eeveelution, Armaldo, Farfetch'd, Sirfetch'd, Ditto, Pheromosa, Buzzwole, Mew, Xurkitree, Lucario, Gimmighoul, Zoroark, Claydol, Walking Wake, Rotom, Porygon2, Chien-Pao, Iron Thorns, Sceptile, Gallade, Togekiss, Spiritomb, Grimmsnarl, Mimikyu, Scrafty, Sigilyph, Zacian, Florges, Eternal Flower Floette, Lilligant, Bisharp, Kingambit, Wishiwashi, Tatsugiri, Bronzong, Rayquaza, Dracovish, Hydreigon, Blacephalon, and Dracozolt. Yeah, there's a thousand of these, so narrowing down my favorites is no easy task.

30. Unown

Unown is probably one of the most worthless Pokemon when it comes to battling seeing as they only know Hidden Power and have pitiful stats (partly because their attacking stats are still spread as if the physical/special split never happened), but I lfind their overall suckiness kind of endearing. I like the weird concept behind them being living hieroglyphs, and the mysteries surrounding them really make me wish they were utilized more in the stories of the games. I'm not asking for them to be as badass as they were in the Entei movie, but come on, throw these guys a bone!

29. Qwilfish

One of the absurdly rare joke Pokemon of Gen II, Qwilfish wasn't one I thought of very often... that is until I got one over the GTS back in the DS days. She was a shiny, her name was Butt Bomb, and her OT was Bakura. Ever since I got her, I have always loved this stupid mine/blowfish hybrid, and I was absolutely elated to find out it got a badass evolution in Overqwil when Pokemon Legends Arceus came out.

28. Sneasler

Speaking of Arceus, I have to say that Sneasler is my favorite Hisuian evolution. I've always loved Sneasel, especially since one in LeafGreen ended up becoming one of my first ever level 100 Pokemon in that game. I kind of didn't like that it lost so much Sneasel-ness upon evolving into Weavile, but Sneasler certainly fixes that problem. It's all right there in the name, where the original is Sneasel, this one is even Sneasler. More Sneasel, less problems.

27. Meowstic

These weird little Psychic cats are just a lot of fun, and I honestly like them more than their more iconic pre-evolutions. Gen VI gets a lot of flak, especially considering how few Pokemon it introduced, but considering it brought this sexually dimorphic extrasensory feline into existence I'm fine with it. Quality over quantity.

26. Kecleon

It has one of the most clunky gimmicks out there, but I'm still fond of this little chameleon. It's such a fun Pokemon to track down be it in Gen III, their remakes, or even Go, and it is one of the single most terrifying foes you can battle in Pokemon Mystery Dungeon. I even love its stupid shiny that only changes its stripe.

25. Dudunsparce

After years of fans begging for Dunsparce to finally receive an evolution, one that would be some badass dragon that completely misses the point of Dunsparce's whole joke, Gen IX delivered with... a Dunsparce that has an extra segment in its body. It is genuinely one of the greatest trolls in existence, and the fact there's a special form that's even longer really goes to show that Dunsparce was always perfect and the only thing they could even imagine doing as improvement is giving us more Dunsparce.

24. Alcremie

I love Pokémon with bafflingly cryptic evolution methods, and while Runerigus probably takes the cake in terms of Gen VIII Pokemon, Alcremie quits literally is the cake. The fact you have to decorate it’s pre-evolution, then spin around in a circle with the direction, number of spins, and even time of day affecting the ultimate outcome of what color Alcremie you’ll get. No matter what, the end result is the cutest food-themed Pokémon yet.

23. Shedinja

Finding this Pokémon on my own as a kid was such a fun surprise. The Nincada I’d lovingly raised evolved, but I got not just one evolution but some weird shedded husk? Fucking awesome. Ghost types really have some of the most inventive designs in the whole series, and this one hit point wonder is a shining example of that.

22. Archeops

If there wasn’t an image limit on posts, I could fill up a list with fossil Pokemon as I love almost all of them. But my favorite of them all is definitely this awkward, struggling proto-bird that hits like a truck until it gets too many boo-boos and just gives up. It’s kind of relatable.

21. Iron Valiant

As much as I prefer the Paradox Pokemon in Scarlet to the ones in Violet due to their more wild designs, my favorite Paradox of all is one of the robots. It’s a very unique design among its cybernetic brethren, incorporating elements of both Gardevoir and Gallade into one awesome ‘mon. It’s quite literally the best of both worlds, and the colorless shiny version looks even better.

20. Salazzle

For a series with such a massive furry fandom, it’s honestly pretty impressive they managed to have the restraint to avoid creating a deliberately sexy design for six generations. And when they finally caved in the seventh, they made that design a venomous, fire-breathing succubus salamander. I love this stupid sexy lizard, especially that stunning shiny.

19. Chandelure

Some people hate the Pokémon based on inanimate objects, which I’ve always found stupid; a good chunk of Pokémon are based off of Yokai, and guess what a lot of Yokai are? My favorite of this brand of Pokémon is definitely the killer chandelier ons, another example of how Ghost types get all the coolest designs.

18. Meloetta

Such a simple yet elegant design for this mythical ‘mon. I really wish its gimmick was a bit more useful in combat, but when you look as good as it does it’s forgivable.

17. Milotic

The elegant, defensive counterpart to the rough, offensive Gyarados, Milotic was almost always a bitch and a half to acquire in the older games, but damn if they weren’t worth the effort of fishing up a Feebas!

16. Scizor

How do you make a mantis-velociraptor hybrid monster even cooler? Make it turn into a red steel mantis monster that can dish out and tank hits better than ever. Easily my favorite Pokémon introduced in the

15. Gardevoir

Look, Gardevoir has a bit of a reputation on the internet, but that's not the reason I love it. I've adored it since I was a little kid, playing Sapphire for the first time and adding this pretty Psychic being to my team to help me crush my foes. It's such a beautiful, elegant creature, and contributes a great deal to my overwhelming adoration of the Fairy type after retroactively being given it.

14. Hatterene

Gen VIII got its very own Gardevoir in this beautiful witchy Fairy, but there's a bit of a twist here; where Gardevoir loves and guards its trainer with its life, Hatterene will beat the ever-living shit out of anyone it senses is experiencing strong emotions. It's much more in line with mythical fairies than a lot of its kin, and the fact it's a pretty tough fighter only makes it more appealing to me. Love a girl that's both beautiful and deadly.

13. Roserade

I was always a big fan of Roselia even back as a kid, but I was a bit sad at how it wasn't really a viable fighter. Thankfully, I only needed to wait a single generation for that problem to be solved with a gorgeous evolution. Gen IV really knocked it out of the park with improving old 'mons with great new evolutions, but Roselia got the best of the bunch in my eyes.

12. Tinkaton

This is a Pokemon that just about everyone loves, but how can you not love it? It's a violent little gremlin with a hammer three times as big as its body that loves to antagonize birds by knocking rocks into the sky. The best Fairy Pokemon combine cute designs with those mischievous folkloric fairy antics, and Tinkaton is the best mix of those around.

11. Deoxys

As a kid, I saw a rumor back on the internet saying that if you watched the rockets in Mossdeep City enough times, eventually you'd get to ride one to the moon and battle Deoxys. I laughed this off, thinking this was a fake rumor for a fake Pokemon... and then the movie Destiny Deoxys, one of my favorites of the series, dropped, and I was in that space station every day hoping to go to the moon. I'd have to wait til Gen VI for that dream to be realized, but this bizarre alien virus has always remained one of my favorite Pokemon regardless of how hard to acquire it tends to be.

10. Lurantis

I love how clever it is conceptually; it's a reverse orchid mantis, a plant pretending to be a bug. And it's a very cute plant at that! I don't care if its slow as molasses like nearly every other Alola Pokemon, Lurantis is an absolute cutie and I'm happy it has consistently made the cut even with the Pokedex being trimmed in the newer games.

9. Blaziken

My first ever starter, and one that will always hold a special place in my heart. It's hard not to love an actual fighting cock in a series accused of being superpowered cockfighting.

8. Zeraora

Probably one of the least popular mythical Pokemon out there, but if Zeraora has only one fan, I am that fan. There's just something about its design that really appeals to me, and no, it's not just because I'm a furry.

7. Ceruledge

Ghosts just really have the best designs. A living suit of armor that's also on fire and has flaming ghost swords for hands? Literal perfection.

6. Pyukumuku

Yet another bizarre gimmick Pokemon, in the vein of Shuckle or Wobbuffet as it learns no attacking moves and has pitiful offensive stats in return for sky-high defenses. This little gimmick creature is absurdly adorable compared to those two though, and it fights by barfing up its insides in the form of a giant fist. Plus, it has the best green shiny ever, going from a mere sea cucumber to a sea pickle.

5. Volcarona

Tyranitar and Hydreigon are the Godzilla and Ghidorah of Pokemon, but the trifecta is not complete for that all-out attack without Mothra. Enter Volcarona, the best and most beautiful Bug in the series. It's got absurdly high stats, an incredibly fluffy design, and an absurdly high level requirement to evolve, but boy is it ever worth it.

4. Obstagoon

The only good Gene Simmons ever did for the world is inspire this upgrade for the oft-forgotten Linoone. Of course, much better than its KISS-inspired base color is its shiny alt, which is a garish glam rock/Bowie-esque bright red and blue goon.

3. Meowscarada

I'm usually the type who starts off with a Fire starter, or on rare occasions the Water one. I almost never start with a Grass one... but Scarlet was the exception, because this gorgeous trickster stage magician cat is just too fucking cool to pass up on.

2. Cinderace

God, I love Cinderace. It has such a sleek, cool design that makes it my favorite Fire/Fighting starter despite not even having the Fighting type. It's nimble, acrobatic, and can kick your ass into next Sunday, but it doesn't have that bitch of a type combo despite all signs pointing to it. What a funny bunny.

1. Absol

Absol, and especially its Mega Evolution, are the very best Pokemon to me. I love their design, I love their tragic backstory that over the years has come to acknowledge how the Pokemon has become widely beloved by the fanbase... I trained one up to level 100 back before the Phsyical/Special split, and in those days this thing was next to useless in a fight. That's how deep my love for this Pokemon goes.

[egginfroggin]

I should probably explain some stuff about Iced Tracks.

By which I mean I am currently gripped with the desire to exposition all over the place about my AU, and as far as I can tell, that's what this site is for: jabbering.

So, Legendary Pokemon, in this AU, have the ability to give gifts to humans that they favor. These gifts are rarely flashy, more often subtle and serving to just help out in one way or another. These gifts are almost always seen as blessings, but it didn't used to be that way -- certain Legendaries had, needless to say, a negative stigma surrounding them, and that stigma would be pushed onto the child who had been gifted. But that is mostly a perspective belonging to bygone days, generations ago.

For as long as anyone can remember, Zekrom and Reshiram have blessed children born into the Unovan royal family, descendants of the twin princes who founded the country.

Reshiram's gifts make its chosen child warm -- Emmet was born with Reshiram's gift, and just about gave the poor midwife a heart attack because he was so feverishly warm. He isn't much bothered by cold. Sometimes, if he gets particularly riled up, he'll start spitting embers, but this doesn't happen very often.

Zekrom grants certain gifts such as a sensitivity to pressure -- I've seen a lot of portrayals of Zekrom as a so-called storm dragon, and I've always thought that it was really cool. Ingo was the one whom Zekrom favored, and so would have such sensitivities, able to tell when the weather would turn for the worse or clear up, and would have a static charge when agitated.

And then we have Kyurem.

Kyurem is the one who actually got to bestow signs of its "favor" upon Ingo, completely replacing and erasing Zekrom's gifts.

And Kyurme's "gifts" are not subtle in the slightest. Ingo was born much, much colder than Emmet was born warmer, and was thought at first to be stillborn until he started wriggling around and doing all the loud things that babies do (screaming). He doesn't feel cold, because ice is a part of him.

And that ice is very, very hard to control. It wasn't at first, but as Ingo grew, so did his powers -- at a rate that far outpaced his ability to control said powers.

Nobody really knew how to help him, because Kyurem hardly ever grants somebody gifts. It is a reclusive, isolated Legendary that spends its days in slumber, and few children have ever earned its attention.

(Fewer still have made it to adulthood, for Kyurem has been feared for its entire existence, and such fears can push humans to do terrible things to their own children; it is only recently that that fear has been tempered into hesitant acceptance).

So, Ingo was kind of on his own. His parents tried to help him, but they didn't really know what they were doing -- even the people of the Village of Dragons knew little about the recluse that is Kyurem.

He tried to control himself by controlling his emotions. His emotions are tied to his powers, after all -- the more agitated he became, the harder the ice was to control.

In the meantime, as time passed and everyone who knew of what was happening held their breaths with hope that control would come with age, Ingo willingly shut himself in his room. His parents posed the suggestion -- perhaps a bit forcefully, but they didn't expect it to be for so long, and they were scared of losing Emmet to another accident, too -- but Ingo agreed readily, even though it hurt to shut Emmet out of his life, too.

Then time passed, and Ingo never learned how to control his powers.

And he got more and more terrified of himself as they grew, until he couldn't be pried out of his room with a crowbar unless it was for some official dinner with foreign ambassadors that he had to attend for the sake of appearances. Even then, he would claim to be unwell, sick, not feeling right and worried to spread it to others.

Eventually, he figured out that he could tamp them down with his emotions.

And it worked... kind of.

Not enough to get him to come out of his room -- he was too scared of hurting Emmet, too scared of hurting him again, too afraid of extinguishing his life even with Reshiram's warmth keeping his soul aflame.

So, Ingo stayed in his room and practiced self-control. Even through the death of his parents and the subsequent funeral, he stayed, until the snowflakes stopped floating lifelessly in the air and finally fell to the floor after months of grieving.

Then the day of his coronation came. Ingo tamped down his emotions, keeping them and the ice tightly under lock and key, and gripped like a lifeline the knowledge that he only had to be out of his room for the day.

And then things went horribly wrong.

And the entire kingdom -- and Emmet, and Elesa, and every foreign dignitary present, every person who he didn't want to know -- found out that, out of all the Legendaries he could have been blessed by, he had been blessed with the curse of Kyurem's attention.

[ask-vampire-weegee]

How did Luigi get turned? What were the circumstances?

okay so ive been thinking on it more and i think i have something a tiny bit less vague figured out,

this post may get long because i am stupidly prone to rambles so ill put it under a cut~ dnfjkasda

e.gadd noticed the measurement of paranormal energy/activity in a forest nearby one of his labs (he probably has multiple dude would be the kinda guy to go to another country illegally build an underground lab thats absolutely insane and full of unethical experiments leave and never come back) and asked luigi to go check it out, charlotte's (the name of the vamp that turned luigi, people following my main @your-local-uwu-artist likely know of her) house is covered by foliage and for lack of better term she's a hikikomori so she's very low profile, a number of ghosts (such as jim) live and/or often visit charlotte's estate hince why e.gadd's machines would have picked up on the location, E. gadd was completely unaware of this, he did not know that this was a possibility, i mean even if he was aware would NOT put it past the guy to send luigi anyway, but he would have than at least sent luigi prepared.

you know how vampires cant enter somewhere un invited? yeah so the reason why a vampire living alone in a spooky mansion would attack a poor visitor is probably cause said visitor didnt have the same decency the vampire has to at least knock and not just go walkin around someone elses home: because i think the concept that vampires are both monsters that will kill you and extremely polite very comedic

aka: charlotte attacked luigi because "the fuck this guy doing in my house??"

there are sorta multiple ways that one can be turned into a vampire, im still trying to decide what i can make sound scientifically believable so please keep in mind my only knowledge of biology and sciency things is limited to what one can learn from pokemon trivia, which is more than youd expect but like not alot

when vampiric blood is injected into one it can slowly infect the victims own blood via probably multiplying but im still deciding and procrastinating googling even more stupid questions fdsank

so bassically the vampiric blood would have to be able to overpower the victim's blood enough in order for the victim to turn, so while theres multiple factors for that we can try to split that into two main categories

vampires that died while/before turning (so like, when one dies during a vampire attack, most likely from blood loss, so the vampiric blood can take over very quickly and the transformation itself is painless, i mean dieing probably hurts a bit but like, if a turning was intentional and consensual this is probably the method used)

and vampires that lived through the transformation, which is what luigi is

the transformation can vary in painfullness and length depending on how fast it takes for the vampiric blood to take over: theoretically one could even prevent a vampire transformation if they treated it quickly enough, think of it like when your sick and your bodies fighting off an illness but instead of a cold its fucking vampirism and if your starting to show symptoms than its probably too late aknfdkja

in luigis case it likely would have been preventable if he called E.gadd earlier

luigi's transformation took over a week and was very painful, because the amount of vampiric blood injected wasnt alot, and he didnt lose enough blood for it to take over quickly, after transforming luigi slept for at least over a day, which was definitely terrifying for mario sense fun fact: vampires dont really have heartbeats

[brainlessrot]

Yo Toby, I read your work and was like yessss another writer to read. Anyways, I was wondering if you could write a scenario for the dorm leaders (could you switch Kalim for Jamil? If you can’t I understand) with an s/o who is very gen z and makes the comment “I came here for a good time, not a long time” after doing something reckless and the dorm leaders meaning worried for them?

Aww, thank you for being my first request, and about putting jamil in kalims place, its alright with me! dw ( ´ ▽ ` )

i had to slightly change it since having the mc repeating the same phrase like a pokemon was kinda weird, so i hope you dont mind!

Twst OB! gang with a reckless Gen Z S/O

Contents ;; GN!MC (refered to as Prefect and some other nicknames), the boys being pretty concerned about the prefects mental stability, romantic scenario with each of them separetly!

Characters ;; Riddle, Leona, Azul, Jamil, Vil, Idia, Malleus

Promt: Reaction of the boys about their Gen Z! S/O being reckless

Riddle ;;

Ah, the Adeuce duo plus Grim, or, as you call them, the bane of your existence. Joking, but even if you are quite fond of them, they are still very annoying.

And what's more annoying is when they rope you in their dumbass shenanigans. lt always ends with you four sitting in front of Riddle while he yells furiously about rules.

Now, today Ace had decided that it would be a fun thing to do, trying to parkour above the rose maze. And you all, with your collective single brain cell, decided to follow suit.

"STOP!!" His shrill voice echoed from in between a couple of bushes, his face was bright red, it almost seemed as if he popped a blood vessel, which would probably happen soon. "STOP RIGHT THERE. IF YOU JUMP IT'LL BE OFF WITH YOUR HEAD IMMEDIATELY." All of you looked from one another, emotions ranging from fear to deathly terrified on your face. But you were not going to give up. You had already gotten on top of a small building, and the pole right next to you was so, so close. And you had been so, so bored before this…

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?" You were walking backwards to propel yourself, and as your feet left the roof of the building you screamed, saying that you came here for a fun time, not a long time. As you held onto the pole, you looked back, seeing Riddle staring at you with a mix of concern and rage. As you slide down towards the floor, Riddle jogs at you, and the moment you land, with your back to him, he puts his magic pen up.

"OF WITH YOUR HEAD!" His face had slowly gone back to his normal skin color. He stepped closer to you, holding the back of the heart shaped lock. "You're coming with me. Right now." He stopped for a moment, stopping his tugging at you to look at your face "Don't you dare do that again. I… I was worried."

Leona ;;

Leona had invited you over to Savanaclaw, probably to just nap for the rest of the day. But the moment you reached the lounge he was not there, waiting for you like he had said.

Instead, there were a couple of Savanaclaw students, water dripping down their hair. Apparently, since Leona was busy doing Seven know what, they had decided to host… a pool party? All of them seemed to be having so much fun. And… it wouldn’t hurt if you joined in, right?

And so you became part of the so-called party. Taking part in their little games.

Until some of them dared, dared you to jump from the top of the rock above the water. You looked behind you, staring at that cliff for a couple of seconds, they began telling you that if you were a chicken and did not want to do it you didn’t have to do it… but oh, you were going to do it, just to spite them.

There you are now, on top of the rock, looking down on the water. You still don’t know how deep the water is, but you’d seen some people jump from up here… right? Or were they jumping from the edge down below? You shrugged, who cares! Definitely not you.

Leona cared, Ruggie had seen you talk to the beast men, and he did not want to miss Leona’s reaction to you jumping from up there. And so the grumpy lion, recently awakened from his long nap, was now walking between the mob of students, tail swaying behind him. However, the moment he saw you perched up there, it froze, and he stopped moving altogether. Just when he saw you leap and splash as you reached the bottom and broke the surface of the water he could react.

“HERBIVORE!” He ran to the edge of the water, the crowd erupting in cheers. The moment he saw your head pop up from the water he gnarled. “Are you stupid?! You could have broken a rib or somethin’!” When you jokingly told him that you didn’t really care, since you’d come for a fun time, not a long one, he slapped you in the back of your head. Muttering something along the lines of you being “annoying and dumb”. But he still carried you off to get dry in his room.

Azul ;;

You were helping your boyfriend at the monstro lounge when Floyd, tired of working, snatched you away from your own work, instead deciding that he wanted to show you the fish in the aquarium they had at the back of the lounge. Azul was slightly annoyed at this, but decided to keep his mouth shut.

That was until Floyd opened the lid and you put your arm in there, putting your body weight forward to be able to reach lower. Not only he was worried you would accidentally touch one of the jellyfishes, since they not only had the harmless and cute moon jellies, but a wide variety, like mauve stingers and compass jellies, but you could also fall inside the tank!

“Angelfish, please back off from the tank.” You both looked back at him, and he could perceive how Floyd’s smile widened, sharing similarities to the ones cats had when you tell them to not throw a glass off the counter and they stare at you, paw slowly pushing the glass towards the edge. But in this case, you were the glass.

You fell face first into the water, your clothes making you sink slightly. Some curious fish and shrimp got near you, inspecting their new “tank mate”. Even under the water and behind a heavy glass, you heard Azul’s scream, sharp and high, and Floyd’s laugh.

You saw a slightly distorted Azul come running towards the tank, and a hand yanked you back to the surface from the back of your clothes.

“Are you okay?!” Azul grabbed your face to check for any sting or cut marks, pushing you and moving it to different angles to get a better look. His hands stopped as he looked you in the eye when you told him that you had fun and wanted to do it again.

He seemed to be processing what the hell you were saying when Floyd chuckled and pointed to your leg, still underwater, where a small octopus had clung itself on, saying that it resembled Azul.

Azul blushed, but helped you get out of the tank and lent you a towel, however, he was still dumbfounded at what you had told him, did you need therapy? He could use some of his contacts for you if needed…

Jamil ;;

Ah, magic carpet rides with Kalim, they were so nice. Even as you both screamed your lungs off while he swerves, loops, and sudden falls just to pick the height back again.

Anyway, Jamil didn’t share the sentiment. It made him grow grey hairs by just thinking of you both- the boy he serves and his significant other- just seconds away from becoming pudding against the floor if Kalim wasn’t swift enough to pull at the carpet so it’d fly upwards. Which almost happened every time.

He had been doing laundry at the dorm when he saw you flying through the window, you both screaming and laughing while the wind whipped at your face.

His hold on the clothes he was hanging loosened, and fell to the ground as he rushed to the window, just in time to see Kalim try to slow down before landing, falling miserably.

He rushed through the corridors towards the dorm’s garden. Kalim and you were sprawled on the grass, legs tangled as the carpet wiggled under you both. As he saw you, he rushed to check on you both, looking over Kalim quickly before his eyes landed on you. You were still laughing, that was fun! You said, you really wanted to do that again, perhaps with more precaution, but it had been so fun.

The look of concern Jamil sent you the moment those words left your lips got rid of those thoughts, he looked so tired and so worried. You felt compelled to promise him that you’d take care and stay safe, and even stay away from the carpet if it’d make him feel better, at which he only sighed, pulling you for a hug.

“Just… Don’t go scaring me like that, okay?”

Vil ;;

Ah, the weather has been so nice lately, not too hot to melt your bones and not cold enough to freeze your toes, the perfect middle ground. Perfect to go outside.

And your beloved boyfriend thought the same way, as he had invited you on a walk. You were now waiting on top of a hill at the edge of the campus, waiting for him. As you overlooked your surroundings, you couldn't avoid staring intently downhill. You remember being a kid and laying down at the top of one, letting go and rolling to the bottom, you held those memories fondly, and nostalgia hit you hard.

And what's better to reminisce about old memories? Remaking them.

You left your bag on the grass, kneeling down as you started giggling, you had completely forgotten about your walk with Vil, fully focused on your task at hand.

And as you laid down completely and started rolling, you heard Vil's powerful voice— it was not a scream, but definitely not normal volume.

"Sweet Seven what happened to you?" He sounded agitated as he stooped you, almost near the bottom of the hill. You couldn't avoid laughing loudly, still quite dizzy from the multiple turns you had taken. You told him that you just felt inclined to do that, and the way his eyes stared at you with such attention made you believe that he was wondering how he ever started dating you. His concern disappeared as he realized you were fine, but was quickly changed for anger. You both were supposed to go on a date! And now you were covered in dirt, grass and leaves, absolutely not acceptable to be seen outside! He grabbed your elbow, helping you get up.  "Go grab your bag, there is a change of plans," You couldn't resist shivering at the way his cold smile complimented his lavender eyes. "We're going back to Pomefiore for an intensive spa day."

Idia ;;

Ortho had acted as a messenger pigeon for the hundredth time today, telling you that Idia wanted to see you, since he had a “super cool UR+ surprise” for you, and you had to go as quick as you could to his dorm room.

You were now familiar with Ighnihyde’s layout, since most, if not all, of your dates and gaming nights with your boyfriend had been inside the dorm— more specifically his room.

You saw his dorm’s door with his usual “Do Not Disturb” sign still slightly skewed. You believe he had never moved it, much less removed it, not even when he was expecting you to enter, since he always seemed to know when you came and opened the door right before you knocked.

Today this fact did not change, you held your hand in front of the door as it creaked open, the faint blue light emitting from his hair lighting the ever-so-dim hallway. You playfully poked his forehead as you already had your hand up, he only clicked his tongue as he swatted your hand away, but the blush on his face betrayed that he was not annoyed. Without even a word, he opened the door completely, letting you enter before closing it behind you. You were now used to the messy interior, since after a couple of weeks of dating you became a regular guest, but today it was exceptionally chaotic. Candy wrappers and empty cans of energy drinks littered his desk, his computer still on, a random tab still open. His bedsheets were a mess, and some of his pillows even lay forgotten on the floor. Before you could tell him, “bitch you live like this?” he called you to his side. He was crouching down, rummaging in between some boxes.

He had his back to you, throwing some trash to either side while searching that UR+ item Ortho had told you about.

“Wait this is useful,” He extended his arms towards you, holding a colorful… battery? “Can you hold this for a second? thxs.” You always wondered how he managed to pronounce those ungodly words.

You held onto the battery, turning it around and on its side, it almost looked… tasty. You wondered out loud, is it edible? You could probably lick it, at most it would only zap you… right?

“WHAT?! NO!” Idia quickly turned to you, taking the battery off of your hands as your tongue poked out of your lips. “ARE YOU CRAZY?!” He looked at you like he wasn’t the dude who went outside as a flying magical tablet. “Ugh, forget it,” He hid the battery between some boxes before you got any idea. “Here, take this, and no eating!” He held out a hand, a small figurine of… you both, it looked handmade. His hair was flaring pink. “Take it before I change my mind and kick you out.”

Malleus ;;

Your boyfriend had whisked you away the moment you stepped out of your dorm during the early day, not even a ray of sun in sight, promising you to show you something beautiful. However, as you thought, he had already shown up, so you didn’t know what to expect. 

He had helped you get on top of one of the old school roofs, you wonder how this thing could still hold up, since it was definitely older than Malleus, and maybe even Lilia. He held your hand tightly in his, perhaps because he was afraid you were cold, or you could slip on a mossy tile and fall, which would be, in his imagination, fatale. In his mind, as strong and tough as you had demonstrated yourself to be, you were still a human, a fragile human. And he cherished you too much to even afford to let you get a single scratch on those hands he loved to hold.

Your walking ended some steps away from the edge, overlooking the forest at the back of your school, you could see a tall tower to your left, the sun peeking from behind. 

Some gargoyles shared your view from the edge of the roof, overlooking the various trees and plants. One of them, under the early sunlight, had a part of a horn that sparkled, and you, filled with curiosity, tried to get near.

But, against your worse judgement, it was early morning, and the morning dew under your feet made you slip. Malleus had been looking at you with a fond smile, but when he saw you get way too near to the edge, almost dangling, he was terrified. His blood ran cold, jumping forward to grab you before you fell off.

The moment you were on a safer spot, he held you in his arms tight, your back to his chest. You tried to reassure him, telling him that he wasn’t getting rid of you for a while, after all, weeds are not killed by frost, and you still have to annoy him a little bit more. He chuckled, but still felt a little bit shaken, so you both stayed sitting in the roof until the sun completely illuminated your faces.

[juniemunie]

"Once in a while when I wake up, I find myself crying."

"The dream I must have had, I can never recall."

"But... the sensation that I've lost something lingers for a long time after I wake up."

"I'm always searching for something, for someone."

"The threads twist, tangle, unravel, break, and connect again. That's time..."

"Wherever you are in the world, I'll search for you."

"It's ok, I remember."

"Your name is..."

"..."

"Who are you?"

"Why did I come here?"

"Who was it? Who? Who did I come to see?"

"Someone dear to me. I don't want to forget, I shouldn't forget!"

"Who? Who? Who?"

"I was always searching... for someone!"

rambling and more talking about the au below!

SO. YOUR NAME AU. FUN... RIGHT???

okay the only reason i went for this au is because of the parallels,,,, cuz i mean, come ON.

both separated by time AND space and have trouble remembering the other.

AND THEY MEET ON THE SUBWAY TRAINS..TWICE.

okay so for the plot, the gist of it is essentially just here:

After Ingo’s disappearance, Emmet is starting to notice everyone losing their memories of Ingo, then images of Ingo start fading away. Emmet gets the feeling this is no ordinary disappearance issue and wants to get to the bottom of it. Unfortunately he is getting affected too, which makes the search for Ingo harder.

After a long day at work and avoiding reporters, he goes to sleep... and then he wakes up somewhere that is most definitely not his apartment. He probably thinks he is dreaming when he first has this experience, probably his mind cooking up some weird dream that Ingo was out there somewhere.

Ingo meanwhile is having to deal with getting lost in some place that is so hauntingly familiar that it aches. Everything is so loud, and somehow feels right, but he’s been so distanced from it now that it’s too overwhelming. Doesn’t help he has a hard time recalling it after waking up. He probably thinks its a dream as well, some fragmented memories of his past. It doesn’t feel completely right however...

They constantly body switch, which of course, affects their surroundings.

People are starting to think Emmet is acting like Ingo as a coping mechanism, meanwhile Hisui is slowly getting terrified and amazed by the absolute skill and power this amnesiac man has and how his quiet demeanor is broken by sudden scary bursts of enthusiasm in battling and of determination in finding out where exactly he is.

Then it comes to an end.

Emmet realizes he can’t body swap with Ingo anymore.

It finally hits him that he is the only one who remembers in Unova, and everyone has completely lost memory, and there’s no traces of Ingo left, outside of their own Pokemon.

Having remembered just enough, Emmet goes and finds Ingo, determined to find a way to bring him home, as his memories of him begin to disappear more and more.

[placidsloth]

things customers have said to me

im actually done collecting pokemon cards, shoes are kinda like my passion now. plus id rather drive my car down to florida full of shoes rather than my pokemon cards (its two binders dude its literally smaller than one shoebox)

get anything new in? (greg you were here yesterday, nothing has changed)

do you have this comic book store specific cover variant of this comic that came out today? i know its not this comic book shop, but i figured you might still have it (we're a very small store ha ha... that means no)

could you get me this 20 year old comic? your distributor should have it right?

yeah this comic has an important first appearance in it, i'm surprised you guys have any copies left. (yes because avengers #58 or whatever that came out 3 weeks before is such an important issue, thats why we only ordered one and sold none)

do you even know who damian wayne is? you know dick grayson isn't robin anymore, right?

do you sell manga? (sir this is a comic book store, any manga we have is entirely an accident)

you know, they use anti-depressants to keep sexual deviants and sociopaths like ted bundy from wanting to have sex while in jail, i dont understand why they dont just give everyone anti-depressants because literally every person is a little bit of a sociopath. i think putting anti-depressants in the water supply would probably reduce the number of jackasses in the world (terrifying thanks)

i thought that guy was gonna come at you when you said your boss was going to come talk to him about his order lol. i work with cops a lot and he reminded me of a junky looking to score a hit. but you handled that really well! good job! (way to make me feel safe dude)

no but the bionicle comic was one of the top selling comics of the year when it came out (somehow im not so sure about that.)

i wish there was a comic with like the members of the batfam you don't get to see usually (well actually there's an ongoing batgirls title, and tim drake has a mini-series-) no but like a good one, you know? (-.-)

how am i supposed to know what comic this is? (did you try looking at the back? it should have the name there) yeah it wasnt there (are you sure? flip it over for me?) okay i swear that wasnt there before

oh wow why is this comic so expensive? why would anyone pay $500 for a comic they cant even read? (i ask myself that every day)

damn i thought that guy was gonna lose it at you when you said you didn't have that item haha

nah man i just want venom stuff. i like to think of myself as the anti-hero of my life (i had to drop my stapler and lean down to pick it up so they wouldnt see me laugh at them)

wow, in the time ive been here, youve gotten hit on by three different guys! does that happen a lot? (i do not remember being hit on, i remember helping customers and chatting with them?)

so you're like 16 right? how long have you been working here? (4 years... i'm 23...)

oh i wasnt expecting to see a girl working here! are you the owners daughter/girlfriend/wife? (no thank god)

man if only my mom/wife/girlfriend/mother-in-law didnt give away/get rid of/lose/burn/throw out my comics/pokemon cards/magic cards i could be a millionaire right now (x to doubt)

[prof-peach]

Out of all of the pokemon you have taken care of, which one do you think it was the hardest to deal with? Be cuz they were in a pretty bad shape, or just personality wise?

We get rumbunctious and rowdy Pokemon all the time, our works nature brings them to us probably more than any other issue, outside of grass Pokemon care and management. Anger and nervousness is something we have a good hold of here, and try to help iron out of various species. I do a lot of that work, and on occasion, Grey will do the odd water type with these problems, as I tend to shy away from those. For the most part, they are short stint stays, a couple months, to a couple years helping them to rewire their anger into a more productive feeling or energy. That being said, there’s alwasy the odd Pokemon who comes our way who’s just a step above the rest. So here’s some stories of the ones who have had to stay with us, for their temperament and behaviour.

On the north side of the island, we house the biggest, meanest Pokemon, and the individuals who are very timid and nervous around people. We do this to ensure they have space to live undisturbed in peace, but also to protect guests and visitors from being eaten, crushed, blasted, or otherwise harmed. Some of the northern residents are difficult yes, but most are just stroppy or uncomfortable with the majority of humans, but there are a handful that are actively engaged in harming or hunting people.

One such Pokemon is a rather nasty tempered Drampa, he came to us about five or so years ago now, kindly donated by being abandoned on our shores, it’s original trainer leaving the ball and hopping on a boat without alerting us, or letting the individual know. We figured it would be possible to rehome it, they’re usually a rather reasonable Pokemon to handle, considering their typing. We were wrong. This Pokemon when let out of the ball, went on a monsterous rampage for four days, destroying forests, toppling buildings, blasting holes in the mountain to try to burrow away, and picking fights with anything it’s size or bigger, often causing great harm to others. The island didn’t rest for that entire time, most Pokemon cowering from it, bigger species trying to halt them, all in vain. It took an entire troop of grass Pokemon using sleep powder to knock it out, the Drampa moved about so fast, one single grass type didn’t stand a chance to produce enough spores in time. It took a lot of work but we knocked the old boy out, and got a good look at him. His body was riddled with arthritis, not medicated, he would thrash about and cause himself so much pain and discomfort. He had overgrown nails, the feet hidden in the fur they have around their torso, often overlooked, and it’s ability to fly was limited because of its general condition and state. We began helping it, medicating it’s aislments, aiding it’s inflamed joints, but it never really calmed down, so now it chills out alone on the coast of the north side, left well alone, it doesn’t even like the company of other Pokemon.

We’ve done our best to interact with it, to socialise it, to generally get it use to people enough to do medical checks, but it’s still very resistant. We have decided that after two years of hard work, and it being tolerant to me, at least to check it’s health and wellbeing, that it’s best to let it live it’s life unbothered. Many would push a Pokemon to be a perfect social being, but we don’t believe it’s necessary for happiness. Some species are happy to be away from others, I wouldn’t push a human to be social, I know how awful that can be, so we didn’t force the individual to be around others either. It’s not that it’s unhappy, we spot it from time to time sitting on the rocks by the ocean, humming to itself, and the small pidgey and tailow that come by don’t bother it, and even give mild brief conversation. He seems ok, the medicine given means he’s in less pain, despite still having stiffness, and in the winter we’ve built him a unique space, rocky cover much like a cave, just above a Macargo hide where they lay eggs. The heat from those Pokemon keep its cave very hot, and help in the cold to ease the joint aches. The two species have different entrances, making sure they never meet within the hide at any point. There’s a good slab of rock dividing them, so it’s not an issue, and saves us having to pipe hot water over that far for him. He eats well, has a few items he’s kept from the labs, a toy sentret, and a large red ball, and generally is in a good place to live out his life in peace now.

Another difficult member would be a particularly timid Slazzle, gifted to us by a police member who had confiscated it from a rather mean individual close to her home town, they had been hurting the poor Pokemon, forcing it to produce an insane amount of poison liquid, throwing water on the poor thing every time it tried to ignite to retaliate, generally abusing the poor thing for its life, apparently it had been locked away since it was a young unevolved Pokemon. They’d been harvesting the poisons from the Slazzle and dropping it into various water sources to try to control the local Pokemon population, as they blamed the wild ones for the state of their land, and diminished crops yield from their allotment. Jokes on them, that water poisoning affected them too, and their garden died very quickly, and made the man quite sick through consumption of the crops he grew there. The slazzle is still very skittish, will hide at any given moment, we’ve seen her ignite an entire building in one move, and then bolt away through the flames to lose our line of sight. She managed to stay hidden for two weeks on the island, before we caught sight of her again. Generally she’s just a case fo neglect but we have been working with her now for a long while, 3 ish years, and her temperament is at least manageable amongst our staff. We have found her others of her kind to help her settle, and she’s become good friends with a Wartortle who came from the same area, they bond over memories of the place, and seem very happy in each others company.

We’ve found ways to keep her grounded, but she never goes near people when we have open days, slinks off through the big fence to the north side, and waits out the visiting hours until night. They’re not usually nocturnal but she likes the night, and spends her time looking about, foraging and feeding in the later hours. If you’re quiet you can catch her moving around the forests and the base of the mountains here, talking with the occasional individual, she seems to enjoy Murkrow too, their company seems to keep her quite social, as they usually move in large flocks here. She may never be rehomed, but for now we try to socialise her, we don’t battle her, and she has a very calm and peaceful nook to go to when she’s having a rough time. We make sure to provide support where possible, and though she’s a little skittish she’s somewhat happy to have myself and Grey, even Pari take a look at any wounds or scrapes she may gain while living here. She’s become trusting enough to come to us if we call, and who knows, maybe someone will come our way who she takes an interest in. There’s hope for her yet, we have however become quite fond of her, and she’s part of the furniture now. It may end up that she never leaves, and lives her life in peace here, surrounded by people and Pokemon who love her. Her panic makes her very difficult to pass to another trainer, and she’s prone to spitting up huge quantities of toxic liquid when spooked, and bolts at a slight bang or rumble.

One I have kept back for a number of reasons, is a rather mean tempered Aerodactyl. Normally we get Pokemon sent to us, but this one I ended up finding myself, some circus had her chained up in a box hardly big enough to turn around in, an attraction to the masses as they travelled through the area. The leader of that troop was particularly awful, treating Pokemon as commodities, items to be bought and sold, used as toys in his big performances. Boiled my blood. We called her Zeplin, and after 12 years she has still got a nasty temper on her, when not focused on a task. Her condition when we first found her was quite something, tattered wings, unable to fly straight at all, and she was littered with cuts and bruises, not in good health. Val has melted the chains that bound her, and the lock in her cage, and she just went, like a bat out of hell, flew off, blasting the tent that hid her quarters, burning a lot of the circus as she went. Little did I know, my foot was in one of the chain links, and I got dragged off with her, the ground, Val, all my other team mates, falling from my pocket, or being left on the floor where we had once been standing. She flew, and kept going, not aware I was still attached, you could see her wings were having a hard time catching the breeze, littered with holes and tears, she went for about two hours, I nearly froze that high up, trying to get a good grip on what chain was left so I didn’t come falling from that height. We came to a very sudden crash landing, she hadn’t had much chance to practice the whole take off - land thing from the feel of it, we both ate dirt, and she became very aware that I was there all of a sudden.

I had about three seconds while she assessed my presence, to get out of the chain, and dive behind a rock that gave me cover from an almighty blast of energy, chipping away bits, catching my arm a little. Trust me when I say, it’s terrifying coming face to face with something that stands a fair few meters taller than you, with more teeth and claws than you’re comfortable with dealing with, with none of your Pokemon, no weaponry, no real plan or cover other than a rock. How she didn’t eat me, I don’t know. Perhaps she knew it was me that let her go, maybe she just ran out of energy, but for whatever reason, she made a few bits and tail lashes at me, missed the lot, and gave up, turning to stomp off into the forests around us. She was still shackled with heavy irons, one on the neck, two on the legs, and was in serious condition, so I did the stupid thing and followed her, tried to sneak my way behind, though every now and then she would look towards me, and try to focus on my form in the dark of night now. It was a few days, she had stalked some prey, fed, and was starting to ooze from some wounds. Though the circus was unkind, they were providing her with medication that stopped further infections occurring, perhaps a scarred beast of great size drew more punters, maybe they were just making sure she survived to make them money, I still don’t know.

I hunted herbs, dug out roots with rocks, used river water, and common berries and managed to fashion some kind of salve, nothing amazing, especially back at that age, but it would work, I knew it would because I used it on my own wounds first. Just had to convince her it was a good thing to let me get close. Not an easy task. We physically brawled, she was clearly spent, not able to use any attacks, just thrashing about, I managed to trip her with the chains still attached to her legs, and once downed, you can jump on the head of these Pokemon to keep the jaws shut, just long enough to lather the wounds you can reach, then bolt fast. It was a small act, but she took off running again. With some wounds sort of cared for, I followed again, fishing for dinner, forraging roots to chew on. It wasn’t much but it kept me going, then one night, where I had climbed to a crook of a large tree, using my jacket to tie myself in for a nights sleep, I was awoken by loud rustling, thudding of feet, and a mighty huff.

Below where I sat, the Pokemon had returned, being no doubt well aware of my presence, following the smell of human, she had noticed the salve do a good job on the wounds I managed to reach, but the ones I couldn’t get near had become far worse, red, inflamed and weeping terribly, no doubt hurting and itching. I’d seen her rubbing her sides in the day, itching gasinst rocks and trees, smearing blood and ooze along her path as she trudged. So here we were, alone in the woods, I veeeeery carefully climbed down, staying in cover as much as possible, and over the space of an hour or two, she let me come out into the open, teeth bared yeah, but she hadn’t attacked, and other than a very uncomfortable, low growl, she allowed me to creep closer, some more of that salve made more for my own wounds than hers, being sniffed at, she licked it too, but wasn’t happy with the taste, very bitter, and I was cautiously optimistic, allowed to help her heal the rest of the cuts she had acquired from her old home. So we began our....I want to say friendship but that wasn’t it, it was a collaboration to survive.

We had landed somewhere far from others, I missed my team, and she had never experienced anything outside of the cage, and so we banded together, tentatively. We caught dinner as a team, and climbed for fruits, foraged for berries, reapplying what loose form of medicine I managed to make, before coming to some kind of comfortable companionship together. A week passed, wandering without a clue where we were, before a path was found, she seemed to want to avoid it, and while I wasn’t keen on people much either, it was impossible not to want to find my team again. They needed me, and I needed them. If they had been found, a police officer or the likes may have sent them to my original professor, waiting to be called from the PC system again, but knowing Val, she had grabbed the balls, my things, and bolted to hide, waiting for my return. In desperation I tried to explain this to the Aerodactyl, who had not experienced a trainers care before, and seemed reluctant to return.

It was only upon mentioning revenge, to burn the circus to the ground, that I regained her attention, and we came to a slow agreement to get aid, gather items, and return to where she had been released from. She waited in the forest while I went to town, checking my PC space to see if my team had been handed in, which they had! It was lucky, I was reunited with Val (vulpix), Booker (teddiursa), and Potato (bulbasaur) who I took back, and returned to the woods with.

We had to get some revenge, and in turn we devised a plan to free the Pokemon first, sneak in and pick the locks, melt the chains and gates, and then finally, let the aerodactyl do her thing once the vulnerable individuals were loose. I did my best to hold back my own personal rage, and simply aid the demise of a group who were awful towards Pokemon through this one big flying type. I wint go into details but no one perished in the fire, they were arrested and charged for unsafe work conditions, and abuse towards Pokemon, not to mention false advertising, having no worker’s Compensation in pace for injury, which many staff complained of, and several incidents of sexual harassment in the work place that were brought to light.

Once one started to talk, the others all joined in, and the fire was put down to unsafe working conditions and a lack of health and safety. From what I heard, the whole circus worth of Pokemon were rehomed, helped and generally lived much better lives after that. However now we had one very mistrusting angry Aerodactyl on our hands, a Pokemon I had not worked with before, who had seemingly become quite tolerant of me, but would snap at just about anyone who clocked eyes with her. So I kind of just kept her, no ball, not for a fair few years, we both didn’t think it was important. She was nursed back to health, and we had to go through a lot of training together, she bit booker once quite badly, but we’ve all put that in the past, and have worked on it together.

She is still testing, she won’t be ridden by anyone else, she doesn’t care for other Pokemon much, crowds will spook her, she doesn’t like when people talk with raised voices or hostile tones, and gets real irritable if you come at her in any kind of way that isn’t open handed, calm and slowly. She’s now a very capable flier, wings healed up, spending her first half of life locked up made her long for the open sky, so now we take time together to go off and ride winds when work is slow, and she’s helped in many ways to make the island functional, by moving logs, clearing paths, helping lift building materials around, and generally being there for me when I’m full of rage, which is actually annoyingly often. We’re anger buddies hah, kind of get on the same level with it. She’s become so much part of my family, and I feel like i’m part of hers now too, so I doubt she’d be rehomed, but should she find somewhere she would rather be, we wouldn’t stop her going. She is difficult, angry, snappy, tempermental, difficult, won’t be touched by strangers, likes to fight, but I’d not change her, she’s our testing monster, who we love and adore.

Went off a bit, but I figured why not, I know her, and can write more about her life and story than the others.

[cripplingaddictions]

How the Haikyuu guys sleep

Genre: fluff I guess

Warnings: half x reader half general headcanons idk what I was trying to write

A/N: this may crush some dreams, sorry

Karasuno:

Daichi: he snores like a dad I’m sorry, you can’t get a full night’s sleep when he snores in your ear like that. Stiff cuddler - you see the way he lies. He’s like a log

Suga: doesn’t snore but he whispers in his sleep, you have no idea what he’s saying because it’s very soft. He smells nice so his pillow always smells astronomically good. Cradles you like a baby if you have trouble sleeping. Wakes you up with tickles

Asahi: a soft snorer but he does that thing where he breathes in and chokes on his spit and ends up sputtering everywhere 😭 Latches onto your arm and his hair always gets in his way somehow

Tanaka: he grumbles?? like a bear?? Kind of like talking in his sleep but it’s really aggressive for some reason?? His bedsheets haven’t been washed in years

Nishinoya: you can’t even find his bed because it is so covered in clothes and other rubbish. He has to be a sleepwalker, come on. You’ll find him curled up in one of the kitchen cabinets in the morning

Ennoshita: loves setting the atmosphere with scented candles before blowing them out to go to sleep to the nice smell (has definitely forgotten to blow them out and almost started a house fire) Good cuddles, soft, very nice 👍

Kageyama: sleeps with his back turned to you and falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. He just says “goodnight” rolls over and “😑” Wakes up way too early for practise or to go for a run

Hinata: has a smile on his face when he sleeps!! vv cute!! Curls into the tiniest ball too!! vv tiny!! You have to be the big spoon, I don’t make the rules. Probably hugs his pillow or a volleyball

Yamaguchi: bright red if you’re sharing the bed with him 🥺 probably doesn’t sleep for ages because he’s so nervous. I don’t know why but I feel that he needs to have like a hot chocolate or tea before bed

Tsukishima: sleeps with his headphones on and listens to music. Either that or he needs white noise. Sleeps like a pole, the only way you are getting cuddles is if you hug him 💀

Nekoma:

Kuroo: we all know he sleeps on his stomach with his head squished between two pillows. Don’t know how he breathes but ok. Latches you to him with one arm and strokes your hair. Ceo of breakfast in bed the next morning, with his cat/s of course 

Kenma: he doesn’t sleep

Lev: your blanket is his now 🙃 and his legs get in the way, you might even get kicked in the face. Other than that, I feel like he’s a really pretty sleeper. The blankets all are a mess and his limbs are everywhere but his face is really pretty

Yaku: finds it hard to sleep because he’s so stressed because of Lev. Needs warm milk to fall asleep and the conditions need to be just right. Help him meditate a bit and relax him then he’ll give you some nice cuddles

Yamamoto: just like Tanaka he grumbles in his sleep and has really crusty sheets. He doesn’t cuddle you, you’d have to fight his waifu body pillow to earn cuddle rights and establish dominance

Aoba Johsai:

Oikawa: fakes snoring softly because he likes you’ll find it cute, it’s annoying. It used to be that overdramatic whistling exhale but now its real. Immaculate cuddler tho, definitely gives you a shirt of his to wear to bed

Iwaizumi: he sweats so much in his sleep... it’s gross. Mucks around with the temperature of the ac way too much because he gets too hot. Then he gets too cold, you get it. Strong arms to cuddle with, only if he used them

Matsukawa: definitely snores, but not as dad-like like Daichi. Is the type to stick one leg out of the covers to keep his body temperature just right. That leg is used to hug yours when you two cuddle

Hanamaki: sleeps naked,, kind of uncomfy if you’re in there as well. Luckily he sleeps fairly still so that he isn’t flinging his stuff all over you if you get what a mean 😬

Kyotani: you’d think he’d be another growler, but he’s dead silent. If you didn’t sleep with your head on his chest to hear his heartbeat you’d think he was dead. Also a pretty sleeper, idky but I think he’s pretty 👉👈

Fukurodani:

Bokuto: it’s canon that this baby sleeps with the biggest smile on his face (like owl father like crow son) Hoots in his sleep!!! Inhales deeply and exhales like “hoooot~”. Biggest cuddle bug, please hold him close to your chest

Akaashi: ceo of pretty sleepers right here. Always reads before bed and sometimes gets lost in the pages that you fall asleep on his lap. That’s when he turns off the lamp. Loves playing with your hair or having you play with his

Konoha: keeps his window open to sleep, he likes the natural breeze. I reckon he’d get a little annoyed if you were a clingy sleeper because he likes his own space

Shiratorizawa:

Ushijima: canon that he sleeps with a volleyball on his bed. Definitely sleeps like a brick wall (to match his personality) but anyways. Thinks that bed is for sleeping, doesn't get why you want to cuddle him

Tendo: sleeps with his eyes open- I’m kidding that’d be terrifying. Sleeps with Pokemon plushies like the cutie he is 🥺 Hugs you with all his might the entire night, the plushies between you, arghhh he’s so cute. Please tell him he’s beautiful before he falls asleep, he’ll be in such a good mood the next day

Semi: sleeping playlists, one for every night of the week. Plays it all night and has his morning one queued up for you to wake up to. Also a very pretty sleeper with the best smelling sheets

Goshiki: restless sleep-talker. Rolls about, snores - when he’s not snoring he’s monologuing whatever is in his dream. Tiny spoon, not little spoon, tiny spoon, hug him

Inarizaki:

Atsumu: menace. Literally argues with Osamu in his sleep, even acts it out. Blanket stealer, but has to dramatically tug it off you to emphasise his argument you’re hearing every word of 🙄 Genuinely doesn’t know that he does it

Osamu: as quiet and brilliant of a sleeper he is, with the softest cuddles, the best part is how he wakes you up. Soft kisses, soft sunlight, and his cooking. Definitely insists that you wear one of his jumpers to bed

Aran: perfect man, soft as a teddy bear. Bit of a snorer though, but is trying to fix it because he thinks it bothers you. Like I said: perfect man. Big strong arms to hold you in

Suna: enjoys cuddles the most I reckon, he finds it comforting. A spinet sleeper also, but his breathing pattern is really nice to fall asleep to. instead of a pretty sleeper, he somehow is a hot sleeper

Kita: because of how much he values the process, his bed is so neat and perfect. The type to flip his pillow to the cold side. Plays a rainy-day podcast, and has ambient lighting. So relaxing to share a bed with, honestly

Date Tech:

Aone: soft boy, teddy bear. Very awkward at first but be patient with him please😇. Large bed for a large boy, plenty of space. But he tends to stay in one place holding you so softly like he could break you

Koganegawa: he’s such an inviting sleeper, I can’t describe it. He looks so cozy and happy that you just want to join him, ya know? Talks in his sleep too, but he says stuff like “can I be your friend?” and “you’re so cool”

Other Teams:

Sakusa: his bed is perfect, clean sheets every single night, especially if you’re sharing with him. Fifty-step skincare routine he does before bed. Let’s say he’s comfortable enough to cuddle you, he cradles the back of your head. Also loves to sleep on your chest and have you rake your nails along his spine 🙈

Terushima: another hot sleeper, great cuddles too. I feel that he parties a lot so he doesn’t sleep until 2 or 3 am when he’s not because he’s ruined his sleep schedule 

Hoshiumi: aggressive cuddler. Will hug you so tight. Sleeps halfway down the bed in a little ball surrounded by pillows. Coos like a bird, but he does that aggressively too

[espooky]

Top5 characters from Okupas?

This is literally the best anon I've had in my life thank you ok let's get cancelled:

1. El Pollo. Sergio, Posho, What can I say, hes my boyfriend, my king, my poor little meow meow with a berserk button and a questionable taste in friendships. Honestly hes the absolute heart of the show gluing everyone together. King of tragic romances- also very much the mean streets trope of 'sleeping with your best friends cousin because you're secretly in love with your screw up best boy friend'. Just such a tragic character because you want him to get out so badly and the ONE friend he has who isnt a criminal insists on dragging him back in. The way Ricardo treated him like shit and he STILL didnt mind being stabbed for him. So intelligent throughout the whole show and makes you so frustrated because he could have gotten somewhere. Truly the most tragic character as he sees where everything is going and is powerless to stop it. The faith he has in his friends is heartbreaking.Also 2000's Diego Alonso is probably the most beautiful man in the world so I'm biased but Clara was absolutely insane to chose that other guy with actual life prospects and stuff I would have proposed to Pollo the second he offered me the cigarette.

2. Ricardo. On god I hate this little cunt SO much and still at the end of the day hes the sacrificial lamb. Normalize 3 years of studying medicine and still being a fucking idiot who thinks you can get AIDS from cocaine. Too short to hold all the anger and fear in his body but truly truly just a little shit. The bratty girlfriend who makes you bring her to the party and then immediately starts bitching that she wants to go home.Truly a summation of what it feels like to be in your early 20s with absolutely no fucking clue with what you want to do. Babygirl. A boy of contradictions. The worst friend in the world with the fattest ass in buenos aires. The origin of "why are you as a man obsessed with other men ". SO good with kids I almost cried all the way through ep 4. Smacking a guy on the back of a head and stealing a chicken funniest shit in the world that scene made me cry with laughter the first time I saw it. Okupas drinking game- take a shot everytime this kid makes the worst decision possible in the situation. Fellow pokemon and mahler enjoyer. Also I have a whole essay on how like 70% of his actions post episode 4 can absolutely be put down to trauma but that's for another time. I want to hate him so much but I can't. Would love to have seen more about his and pollos history. Love how they styled him to always look like a little kid trying to look tough and it WORKS. He is cringe he is fail and yet he is my son that I feel a need to protect.

Ok I'll be quick with the rest

3. Chiqi. BEST BOY BEST BOY. Yes he wants to buy drugs yes he wants to know what's in the kinder egg hes a man of many interests. "Lobotimia....... electroshock..." Sound of the summer. I wish I was chiqi like hes literally the best friend. Like yeah he had some level of responsibility for some of the shit that went down but still. Friend shaped, in ep 4 when he gives ricardo that big hug I've never wanted to do that tik tok project into a universe thing more. Also that time he almost beat the shit out of Walter was really funny.

4. Negro Pablo. I KNOW hes horrific but god what a fucking character. No idea what's going on in his head he literally looks like a 12 year old in his little kit but still actually manages to be terrifying. Another character, probably maybe the 4th so far in the show, where you're like "oh that's a guy repressing gay feelings". Idk hes just fucking such good fun to watch. Dante mastropierro should have worked way more after this its I'm so upset he didnt becausevhes fantastic.

5. Claudio Rissi Van Driver. Idk I always keep coming back to episode 5 and hes at least 50% of the reason. Just such a real character but also so necessary after ep 4. "In the dock you dont leave people like this" Yes hes fundamental in Ricardos downfall by giving him the advice and helping him get back at pablo but also the way he helped the boys was just idk man. He kinda sums up what's great about the show for me. Theres something about this older presence with an unconditional care for the boys that you dont get with any other character. Also he was sexy.

Honorable mentions also go to Sofía, Peralta and Clara who are great characters. Walter is not on here because although hes funny this is a Walter slander blog.

[rbbalmung]

Pokemon SwSh GPL AU: Get to know ______

Guys, it’s time for my favourite pokemon ship. Prepare for loads of fluff. 

Get to Know Gloria x Hop (Postwickshipping/Hpyu): 

1: Who spends almost all their money on the other? I headcannon that Gloria really likes pokemon plushies, so Hop is always unconsciously checking the stuffed animal section of stores to see if there’s any she doesn’t have. Gloria tries really hard to get him books that pertain to his research, but she really has no clue what he studies aside from the fact that it’s legendary pokemon (Legendary Pokemon are his focus). 

2: Who sleeps in the other’s lap? Gloria! They are the cuddliest couple ever. There’s about a foot size difference between them, so she fits perfectly in his lap. (Hop is def the little spoon, tho). 

3: Who walks around the house half-naked and who yells at them to put on some clothes? TBH, they would both walk around the house half naked. They’re comfort first babies, so you know Gloria’s bra is coming off and Hop is discarding his work clothes the second their door is closed. I think it’s kind of a casual thing for them, though. They’ve known each other long enough that this kind of thing doesn’t bother them. 

4: Which one tells the other not to stay up all night and which one stays up all night anyway? Gloria has to drag Hop’s ass to bed pretty much every night. They’re both busy people, but we all know that Hop would lose track of time while working on his thesis. It is a fact that if Gloria doesn’t come to get him, he will fall asleep on his desk. 

5: Which one tries to make food for the other but burns it all by accident and which one tells them that it’s okay and makes them both cookies? They’re actually both pretty good cooks (Gloria’s mama owns a restaurant in Wedgehurst and Hop’s mom is obsessed with cooking), but I think Hop would probably be the one to burn all the food. The only reason why is because he has a harder time focusing solely on cooking instead of trying to multitask. Now, baking is a whole other story. They’re both terrible at it. 

6: Which one reads OTP prompts and says “Oh that’s us!” and which one goes “Eh, not really”? Gloria would be the one to read the prompts and Hop would be the denier (he secretly thinks it’s really cute whenever she does it). 

7: Which one constantly wears the other’s clothes? Gloria. 100% Gloria. She is constantly cold and has a passion for stealing Hop’s hoodies. He thinks its adorable because they’re always really big on her. 

8: Which one spends all day running errands and which one says “You remembered [thing], right?” Hop would be the errand runner and Gloria would make sure he remembered everything. It goes back to Hop’s mind being a million places at once and Gloria hyper focusing on one thing at a time. 

9: Which one drives the car and which one gives them directions? Hop would drive and Gloria would give directions for similar reasons to the question above. 

10: Which one does the posing while the other one draws? Hop doodles Gloria sometimes to keep his hands busy. It’s kind of an absent minded thing for him to do while reading an article/book. Once Sonia caught him doing it, and when I say she teases him relentlessly, I mean it. Hop absolutely does not let Gloria see these doodles (they’re very cutesy and he’d die of embarrassment). 

11: If they were about to rob a museum, which one does backflips through lasers and which one is strolling behind with a bag of chips? Hop would be the backflipper and Gloria would be the follower. Think back to their GPL season: Hop was blazing ahead at all times without a care in the world. Gloria is the slowest traveler in the world because she likes talking to everyone and visiting all the stores.  

12: Which one of your OTP overdoes it on the alcohol and which one makes the other stop drinking? Neither of them can hold their alcohol, but Hop at least has more body mass than Gloria. They’re a pair of lightweights and nothing you can say will convince me otherwise. (Let’s be real: Bede has to be the one to make sure they get home). 

14: Which one keeps accidentally using the other’s last name instead of their own? Gloria. I actually believe that Gloria would keep her last name even after she and Hop get married because it belongs to her mama (after the divorce, they both changed their last names to match her mama’s maiden name). Hop is also a proud Hoffman, so he wouldn’t use the name Park. However, everyone else will mix it up. Gloria gets called “Mrs. Hoffman” all the time if she’s arriving for restaurant reservations or something of the like. Newer reporters/young children call Hop “Mr. Park” because they just assume Park was his last name. 

15: Which one screams about the spider and which one brings the spider outside? Neither of them are scared of bug pokemon. 

16: Which one gives the other their jacket? HOP. I mentioned it earlier, but Gloria is always cold. Bede asks why he doesn’t just make Gloria bring her own jacket and Hop replies that he likes it when she wears his jacket (they’re freaking sappy).  

17: Who keeps getting threatened by the other’s overprotective older sibling? Pft. Leon? Please. By this point, he’s become the big brother of Gloria as well. The League members are a completely different story. They all like Hop, but since Gloria is one of their younger members and the biggest sweetheart, they’re a protective bunch (Especially Melony and Gordie). 

18: Who’s the first one to admit they have feelings for the other? Gloria, but it didn’t go well. It was right before he was leaving to finish up high school studying abroad, and the timing wasn’t right (aka Hop turned her down because he hadn’t yet realised his feelings for her). Gloria tries her best to move on but never truly gets over him. Luckily, his feelings hit him like a bag of bricks to the stomach when they reunite a couple years later.  

19: How good would your OTP be at parenting? The best. They would definitely be the cool parents (I mean, come on. They’re the freaking heroes of Galar!). I think they’d also be super supportive of their child’s choices. 10/10. They’re made to be parents. (Hop would especially want to be a good dad. He’s initially nervous because he never knew his dad and thinks he might mess up, but Gloria reassures him that he’s doing a good job). 

20: Which one types with perfect grammar and which one types using numbers as letters? Hop would be Mr. Perfect Grammar. Gloria would use mostly good grammar, but her texts would be littered with emojis. 

21: Who gets attacked by a bully and who protects them? Hop is the more confrontational of the two. Gloria tends to believe that people are only mean to others if something bad is happening in their life, but Hop will jump from 0 to 100 if someone even looks at Gloria funny.  

22: Who makes the bad puns and who makes a pained smile every time the other makes a pun? Gloria likes Hop’s bad puns, so everyone else has to cringe in discomfort at the oblivious pair. 

23: Who comes home from work to see that the other one bought a puppy? Hop. Gloria likes catching pokemon and sending them on poke jobs, so there’s a new member to their family at least once a week. 

24: Which one gives the other a piggyback ride when they’re tired? Hop. He’s the only one she would show vulnerability to, and he makes sure not to make her feel ashamed of it. (also, Gloria absolutely could not carry Hop. He’s like, a foot taller than her).  

25: Which one competes in some sort of activity and which one does the overzealous cheering? Both! They’re very supportive of each other to help ease the other’s insecurities. Hop gets really invested in her pokemon matches and Gloria throws him a little celebration every time he finishes a project.  

26: Who takes a selfie when the other one falls asleep on their shoulder? Gloria. Since Hop never goes to sleep at night, it is very common for him to take 5 minute power naps without even realising it. Gloria definitely takes pictures when it happens as a reflex (They were long distance for the first 4 years of their relationship) because she wants to be able to look back at their memories together.  Like Gloria doesn’t know about Hop’s doodles of her, Hop doesn’t know about her phone album of him. 

27: Which one would give the other a makeover if they asked? Gloria? I think they both grow into their separate styles as the get older, but Gloria would push Hop to wear more colourful things. Sonia once told Hop that a man should never tell a woman what to wear because it’s rude. I don’t think Gloria would mind if he suggested something, but he is way too nervous to do it (Sonia scarred him).   

28: Which one owns a pet that the other is absolutely terrified of? Hop is very nervous around Urshifu and Calyrex. Urshifu because he’s terrifying, large, and very protective of Gloria. Calyrex because the pokemon will take over his body without warning to tell Gloria something.  

29: Which one holds the umbrella over both of them when it rains? Hop! If Gloria held it, Hop’s head would be in the umbrella. 

30: If your OTP went on vacation, where would they go and what would they do? Who would take the pictures? Oh my gosh, they’d go everywhere. I think that after Gloria steps down as champion, they travel to all the different regions for at least a couple of years. Gloria would be the one to take pictures and make a little scrapbook when they return home.  

[uas-fics]

Title: Hop and Gloria to the Rescue!

Rating: G

Summary: Gloria and Hop are finally home for a visit after their stays in the far-off Crown Tundra and the Isle of Armor, respectively. But what's this? Someone is breaking into Hop's house!? And Leon's there alone? They have to save him!

Ships: Leon x Piers

Content Warnings: Mild spoilers for the SwSh post games and DLCs

Read on AO3

-----

"Anything but curry. Let's agree to that."

"Oh, definitely!"

Hop rubbed his stomach. "If I ever see another Max Mushroom curry in my life, it'll be too soon."

"At least the Dojo has a snack machine!" Gloria bumped into his shoulder with her own. "You know what I got to eat? Camp curry and carrots."

"So that means you got the best eyesight now, don't it?" Hop teased.

Gloria wrinkled up her nose. She moved to push Hop forward, but he dodged. She snorted. A smile played on her face.

For the last few months, the Galar continent separated the best friends, with Gloria exploring the Crown Tundra and Hop studying in the Isle of Armor. They kept in touch, of course, texting, calling,and sending pictures of interesting pokemon they saw, but none of that compared to walking and chatting with each other on their journey home to Postwick.

Both trainers had so much to tell everyone and each other.

Notebooks weighted down Hop's pack. Each one filled with notes, sketches, and photographs about the pokemon he'd been studying on the Isle of Armor. One, in particular, had a blurry photo of a black and pink bird pokemon that sped by the front of the Dojo one afternoon.

Hop already knew exactly how he would convince Gloria to help him track it down.

Gloria's pack, on the other hand, held a folder with all the notes she'd taken from her own journeys around The Crown Tundra with Peony. If the pictures of the Legendary pokemon didn't leave Hop gobsmacked, then seeing them registered in her Pokedex would!

Of course, once he knew she was tracking down Moltres somewhere in the Isle of Armor, he would have to join her.

But all that could wait until after a few days rest with their families.

Patchy clouds darkened the sun as the two crested the final hill to Postwick. Far in the distance, over the Slumbering Weald, the heavy clouds poured down. The travelers missed the deluge by less than an hour.

Gloria took a deep breath, enjoying air that didn't fill her lungs with an icy chill. Coming home a day earlier than she'd told her mum turned out to be the right idea.

Not just their families would be elated to see them. Gloria had message after message from Marnie: how she was improving her gym and the new boutique that opened near the Spikemuth pokemon center--and about The Big Secret.

Marnie had taunted her with the huge, life changing secret that was too sensitive to tell over the phone for weeks now. If Gloria wanted to know what the secret was, she would have to come to Spikmuth and hear it from Marnie face to face.

Hop ran over to a wooden fence.

"I didn't know how much I'd missed wooloo." He laughed and gestured to a herd of grazing wooloo.

One of the wooloo raised its head at the sound of his voice. It baa'ed at the two before trotting over. It butted its head against Hop's palm. Soon the rest of the herd crowded the fence line, baa-ing in delight at the attention Hop readily gave out.

"Remind me to let Dubwool out after we get home so he can talk to all his old wooloo friends. He's grown even stronger since the last time they all saw him. Master Mustard said he thinks Dubwool is getting stronger faster than even Lee’s Charizard did."

Hop scratched a wooloo under the chin. It bleated in delight.

Gloria leaned her arms on the fence. "Speaking of Leon, will he be home too? My pokemon are itching for a battle with him." She fingered the pokeballs at her belt.

If Cinderace didn't get a chance to battle Leon's Charizard, he would give Gloria the silent treatment for a week. After all the rememensing about the amazing championship battle Gloria and Leon had, Calyrex, too, wanted a good look at the former champion. Not to mention the rest of her team wanted to test their strength against the toughest trainer they knew.

Hop jumped back from the fence, much to the sorrow of the wooloo herd. "He should be. Lee told me he's been helping Mum and my grandparents around the house the last week or so."

"Well, if he's not home," Gloria punched her fist into her palm, "I'll go drag him back to Postwick myself."

Hop chuckled as he spun around towards Postwick. He wished he could see that: Tiny Gloria carrying his big brother over her head all the way through the Wild Area and back home. It was almost too bad Lee wouldn't miss a chance to see his little brother after so long apart.

He opened his mouth to tell Gloria as much when something caught his eye. He shielded his eyes from the sun and squinted.

"What's that?" He pointed.

Gloria followed his finger to see a figure in black with a hood pulled up walk through the gate to Hop's house. The figure shut the gate behind them before passing a large tree and leaving her sight.

"I dunno, but it gives me a bad feeling." Gloria grabbed Hop's wrist. "C'mon! Let's investigate!"

They hurried down the road until they came to the edge of the stone wall that surrounded Hop's home.

"Do you think we should go inside? What if that's a burglar? Should we call the police?" Hop asked. His fingers brushed his rotomphone in his pocket.

"Not yet. Let's see if we can tell what's going on first."

Gloria dropped her bag. With a leap, she effortlessly cleared the wall. She rushed past the tree and to the shed beside the house. Hop shouldered off his heavy pack and mimicked her until both their backs pressed against the worn paint of the shed.

"There's a window 'round the side of the shed. It looks into the kitchen." Hop jerked his head towards the house. "Let's see if we can see anything."

At the edge of the shed, Gloria and Hop exchanged looks. They nodded at each other then dropped to their stomachs in the wet grass. The smell of soggy earth filled their noses. They army crawled to the side of the house.

Hop's grandfather, or maybe even Leon, had recently cleared the leaf litter from around the shed into a tidy pile beside the house. The pile blocked their path like a sodded brown mountain.

Gloria started to ask, "Should we go arou--" when the kitchen window opened.

Hop slapped a hand over her mouth and pulled her until they were right next to the leaf litter pile.

A voice floated out the window.

"...won't be back until tonight."

Hop stiffened.

Leon! That was Leon's voice! So he was home. What about the burglar? The figure who walked through the gate. Did that person know Leon was home too? Did Leon know he wasn't alone?

Leon stuck his head out the window and gazed at the sky. "Rain's well past," he said before pulling his head back in.

Gloria held Hop against the wall to stop him from jumping out of their hiding place and dragging Leon out of the window by his shoulders.

She put a finger to her lips. "We don't know if anyone is in there with him yet," She hissed into his ear. "We don't want to scare him over nothing."

Hop swallowed the lump of worry in his throat. Gloria was right, of course. Maybe the figure was just cutting through his yard. People did that all the time, didn't they?

A hand with skin much too pale to be Leon's came from the window. It turned, palm to the sky, before returning to the house. The window shut with a click.

Hop and Gloria's eyes met.

There was someone in the house, someone beside Leon.

Without another word, the two crawled around the leaf pile and to the window. They waited a few heart-pounding moments before, carefully, peeking into the kitchen.

The figure in black, hood still up, had their back to Hop and Gloria. A sharp knife stuck out from their sleeves.

The figure started to turn towards the window. Hop and Gloria ducked down. Their hearts threatened to tear right out of their chests.

"Oh, Arceus." Hop sucked in a breath, going to his knees.

She put her hands on Hop's shoulders and shook him once. "Do you know what this means? It's not a burglar! It's a murderer!"

"But why? Who would want to hurt Leon? He is the greatest Champion Galar's ever had!" He paused a beat then added, "Ah, I mean--"

Gloria cut him off with a wave of her hand. "That's probably why! He must know something someone doesn't want him to. He has to have some top secret information about the League or someone very powerful."

"So they sent an assassin!" Hop interjected.

"Maybe more than one!"

Then, like a feedback loop of movie cliches, the mysterious figure walking through Hop's gate turned into a burglar, then murderer, then one of a team of well trained ninja assassins from Kanto coming to either kidnap Leon to extort information out of him or kill him to keep him from talking.

Midway through Hop's edition of a secret underground society of pokemon psychics, a scream pierced the air from inside the house.

"Lee!" Hop jumped to his feet.

He ran to the front of the house, weaving around the set of metal chairs and table near the kitchen door, and skidded to a stop, sending mud and wet grass up into the air.

He took a pokeball from his belt. "Dubwool, come out!"

In a flash of light, Hop's dubwool appeared. He shook out his fleece. For a moment, excitement rose on Dubwool's face upon being home. It disappeared when he looked at Hop's terrified expression.

Gloria let out her Cinderace. Cinderace took a breath for an delighted shout but Gloria shushed him with a hand over his mouth.

"There is an assassin in Hop's house trying to kidnap Leon," She explained quickly to the pokemon. "They probably have the door blocked, so we need to break it in then take out the assassin, got it?"

Dubwool and Cinderace nodded without a second’s hesitation. Their trainers knew exactly what was going on, and the pokemon always trusted their judgement.

Hop picked up one of the metal garden chairs and Gloria the other. They weren't much for weapons or protection, but they were better than nothing.

Another scream made all four jump.

"Let's go! Dubwool, use slam on the door!" Hop ordered, throwing out his arm.

Dubwool bleated. He pawed at the dirt once, twice, then rammed, horns first, into the door. The door flew from the hinges and crashed into the stairs across the hall. Photos rattled and fell to the floor with a shattering glass. Shards of glass scattered across fleece as Dubwool righted himself.

With a war cry, Hop, Gloria, and Cinderace raced through the door.

Cinderace jumped onto the broken door and used it as a springboard to leap across the living room.

"What in the world?" Leon jumped up from the couch in time for Cinderace's foot to plant firmly on his chest. His hat flew off his head as he landed, pinned between the wall and Cinderace's foot.

Gloria raised the chair above her head and threw it as another head came up from the couch.

The assassin ducked in time to miss the metal chair, but not the Dubwool who jumped over the couch to land on them with a victorious bleat.

The shelf above Leon swung down by one nail, disturbed by the chair hitting the wall. A trophy rolled and landed square on Leon's head with a bell-like ring.

Hop darted around the chaos towards his brother, his chair forgotten by the mess near the broken door.

"Lee!" Hop pushed a shocked Cinderace away and crouched next to Leon.

"H...Hop?" Leon squinted. "What are you doing here?" He winced, holding his head. A nice sized lump began to grow where the trophy collided with Leon’s skull.

Before Hop could answer, Gloria took a pillow from the couch and began beating the only part of the assassin's body that wasn't under a mass of thick wool--their thrashing legs.

"How do you like it, huh? You're not killing any champions on my watch! Bam! Ha! Boom! Take that, assassin!" She cried, repeatedly slamming the pillow against the assassin's ankles.

Leon gasped. "S-stop! Gloria, stop!" He tried to stand, but could barely lift himself up without falling back.

Hop wrapped his arms around Leon's shoulders protectively. Why in the world would he want them to stop? That assassin was trying to kidnap him, take him to their underground base, and torture him for information!

"Get the 'ell offa me!" The assassin yelled. With a grunt of effort, they pushed Dubwool off.

The sheep pokemon rolled onto his back, hooves waving in the air. Gloria quickly changed her angle and slammed the pillow into the assassin's face.

I hope I broke this jerk's nose! Gloria thought, though she didn't hear any cartilage crunching against her attack.

A pale hand gripped the pillow and tore it from her hands.

"What was all that for?" A familiar person demanded, throwing the pillowing back at Gloria. It hit her face and landed in a sad lump on the ground.

"Piers?"

Piers narrowed his eyes. A chill worse than anything she felt in the Crown Tundra ran up her spine at his icy glare.

"Did you throw a chair at me?" He demanded.

"I, I, uh..." Gloria floundered.

What was going on? Why was Piers, of all people, here? He wasn't a gym leader anymore, so he didn't need to talk to Leon about the League. Gloria couldn't think of a single reason the two would ever be in the same place together.

Unless something was wrong with Marnie. Was that The Big Secret she wanted to tell her? Had Marnie broken some sort of huge rule? Did something bad happen? Was her best gal friend in trouble?

Leon groaned again. Piers moved his gaze from Gloria and towards Leon. He jumped to his feet and hurried over.

"Leon? Are you alright?" He winced, seeing the blooming bruise on his forehead.

Hop tightened his grip on his brother. His head spun. Had his and Gloria's grand plan to save Leon been for nothing? No way they were wrong about the danger Leon had been in.

"I'm ffffffine," Leon slurred, "propsably."

Piers held up three fingers. "How many fingers I got up?"

Leon stared into the middle distance for a few beats longer than he should before squinting at Piers' fingers.

"Six."

Piers groaned, throwing his head back dramatically and slumping his shoulders. "I think you two gave him a concussion."

"Concussion?!" Hop nearly choked on the word. "But, we didn't mean to!"

Cinderace took a few steps around Gloria. He lowered himself to hide behind her, ashamed of the damage he'd caused. She reached back and patted him reassuringly. It wasn’t his fault. If Piers had been an assassin ninja, Cinderace would have just saved Leon from a dagger to the neck.

Piers disentangled Hop from Leon. He put his arm under Leon's and around his back before hoisting him up. Leon tried to take a step on his own, but wobbled back against Piers.

"Let's get you to a doctor. That's a nasty lump." Piers' voice came out softer than Gloria or Hop had ever heard it. To Hop, he asked, "Do we got to go all the way to the next town or is there a doctor in Postwick."

Hop's mouth gaped before he shook himself. "There's not, but if I call the one in Wedgehurt, he can be here in a jiffy." He already had his rotomphone out before he finished speaking.

Gloria, feeling useless standing there like a slowpoke on a stone, went to roll Dubwool back to his hooves. She dusted some of the wood chips and glass shards from his fleece. A few chips hit the cracked screen of a laptop on the floor.

She had a feeling she would be paying for that, and for everything else...

Leon rested his weight against Piers' side.

"Surry," He muttered. "This didn't go alls well 't all."

Piers shrugged as he carefully helped Leon through the broken mess on the floor.

"Believe it or not, this still isn’t the worst date I've ever been on."

Hop dropped the rotomphone and Gloria fell over herself, landing on the other side of Dubwool.

"Date?"

------

Piers shook the rain off his coat.

“Walk more,” they said.

“It's good for you,” they said.

“The weather is great today,” they said.

Bull crap!

That's the last time he takes his gym trainers' advice on the weather--no, not his gym trainers. They were Marnie's now. He hadn’t been a gym leader in a few months, but sometimes that fact still slipped his mind.

He should have gotten a taxi to Postwick. That way he wouldn't have gotten caught in the rain.

He hurried down the road to Leon's house. He opened the gate, surprised it didn't screech in protest. Well, Leon did say he'd been doing handiwork around his family's house recently. He probably oiled the gate.

Or maybe Piers just wasn't used to gates that didn't squeak from years of rust.

He shut the gate behind him as he wondered if he could talk Leon into helping him around Spikemuth's gym. Marnie might be the gym leader, but that didn't mean Piers couldn't still keep the gym up to snuff.

Leon opened the door after the second knock. He wore a floral themed apron with his sleeves rolled past his elbows and hair pulled back at the nape of his neck.

He covered a chuckle.

"Spooky. Are you the grim reaper today?" He gestured at the long black coat and hood.

Piers rolled his eyes and pushed the hood back. How he fit all of his hair in the hood, Leon couldn't fathom a guess.

Leon gestured for him to follow him to the kitchen. Piers peeled off his coat and draped it over a kitchen chair. Leon reached back to untie the apron.

"I lost track of time," he explained, hanging the apron on a hook. "I promised Mum I'd get the kitchen spick and span for tomorrow."

"How kind."

Hop came back tomorrow from the Isle of Armor. Piers' knew that well at this point. It seemed every other conversation lately had been about how excited Leon was about his little brother's return.

Leon couldn't wait to hear what kind of research Hop was doing and what kind of pokemon he'd met and all about how everything at the Dojo was.

Of course, Gloria was supposed to come back too. Neither Leon nor Piers had ever been to the Crown Tundra, but they knew the rumors of the incredibly strong pokemon that live in the barren, frozen north of Galar.

Both of them knew they would need to battle the current champ to see just how strong she'd become before she left to continue her explorations.

Piers peered around the kitchen. As far as he could tell, it looked fine. All the counters were clean and the cobwebs dusted from the corners, but he still asked, "D’you need help?" anyway.

Leon shook his head. "No. It's just a few dishes I have to do." He jerked his head to the sink.

In fact, Leon started cleaning all the nooks and crannies of the kitchen right after breakfast. He intended to finish well before Piers showed up, but only having a few pieces of silverware left wasn't that bad.

Piers took a dish towel from beside the sink and dropped it. Using his foot, he mopped up the puddle he and his coat created on the tiled floor. With one quick movement, he hooked the towel with his toe and kicked it up into his waiting hand.

"You're welcome." He tossed the towel next to the sink.

Leon snorted a laugh. "Thanks."

"When is your family 'ppose to be back? The movie isn't that long, but..." Piers trailed off, rolling his wrist to finish the comment.

Leon didn't need him to finish to know what he was talking about. They were a little secret, for the time being. Only the bare minimum of people knew they were dating, and Leon had been putting off explaining the situation to his family until after Hop and Gloria’s homecoming.

"My grandparents are visiting friends in Ballonlea. My and Gloria's mums are in Hammerlock, so, they," Leon opened the window over the sink, "won't be back until tonight."

Leaning over the sink, he poked his head out and looked up. The dark rain clouds moved on, leaving Postwick humid, but drying. A weather Piers didn’t seem to mind, though Leon couldn’t wrap his head around the idea of humidity being better than a sunny afternoon.

"Rain's well past."

Piers strode next to him and stuck his hand out the window. He turned his palm up, half expecting more rain, before pulling it back in. He shut the window.

"Too bad," he smiled slyly, "a scary movie is always better with some thunder and lightnin' in the background."

"I wouldn't want Hop treading home through mud," Leon replied, only half joking.

Piers took his coat from the chair and draped it over Leon's shoulders. He chuckled and patted his warm cheek.

"It's cute you care so much about your bro like that."

A faint blush crossed Leon's cheeks. Their faces were so close. It wouldn't take much to close the gap and--

"We should start the movie soon." Piers stole a step away. "We're doing this in the living room, yeah?"

Before he could get any farther, Leon took hold of his wrist and gently pulled him back. He placed a kiss on his cheek.

"I have to empty the sink first, so don't miss me too much."

Although he knew it was unlikely, Leon wished his impromptu romantic gesture would leave the formidable dark-type trainer flustered. It didn't, of course. Leon had only ever gotten him blushing and gobsmacked once, when he first proposed the idea of a date between the two.

Piers shook his head with a smile then pulled the hood over Leon's head.

"Smooth as a druddigon."

He paused, mentally storing that line away. It could make a good lyric someday. Smooth as a druddigon, loving as a gorbis? Bisharp?

He'd work on it later.

With Piers out of the kitchen, Leon sighed in defeat. Maybe next time he'd get him.

Instead of taking off Piers' coat, he put his arms through the sleeves. Piers was taller than him by a half a head, so the sleeves fell past his hands

Leon took the last fork and spoons from the sink and set them aside. Careful of the blade, he took a knife out. Mum used the knife to chop vegetables for dinner the night before, so it was a relatively easy clean.

Leon shuddered. The coat wasn't even that warm. Did Piers only wear it for the style? He turned away from the sink, knife still in hand and lifted an arm. At least the material seemed to dry fast after being caught in the rain. Maybe that's why Piers wore it?

As he turned back to the sink, something moved out of the corner of his eye. He frowned. Did a rookidee fly down from the tree in the yard just then? Setting the knife aside, he reached to open the window again when a blood curdling scream made him jump.

With his hand to his pounding heart, he hurried to the living room.

"What was that?"

Piers nodded to the laptop set up in front of him on the coffee table.

Leon craned his neck towards the laptop screen. The fakest monster costume he had ever seen loomed over a frightened woman on the title screen.

"Night Of the Living Nightmare" the title read in a dripping green and purple font.

When Piers said he had a classic of Galar indie horror to show him, Leon expected a movie with thrilling psychological horror and innovative use of pokemon moves for special effects, not a repainted rubber gyarados mask with extra teeth glued in.

"How old is this movie?" Leon asked, taking off Piers' fashionable, but impractical, coat.

"Would you believe me if I told you it was made only eight years ago?" Piers took the coat from Leon and tossed it in the corner of the couch.

"Really?" He sat next to Peers.

Piers scooted over and pressed against his side. Leon always felt warm, which was part of the reason Piers took his less than warm coat with him. A good excuse to get close as they watched the movie. At least one of them was actually smooth.

He hummed the affirmative.

'The Night Of The Living Nightmare' was a terribly cheesy movie. The fake blood wasn't thick enough, the teeth on the mask fell off half way through, the editing made scenes drag on much too long, and the actors either over exaggerated their lines or delivered them with as much life as a dead magikarp.

All together, 'The Night Of The Living Nightmare' made for a good date movie in Piers' opinion.

"Ready?" Piers already hit play before Leon could answer.

The movie started with a scene of a woman rising up out of a pool. The camera lingered on her chest and stomach and legs before it panned back towards the water. A ripple skittered across the pool water.

The scales on the wishiwashi making the waves gleamed in the harsh set lighting.

The woman dried her hair with a bright pink beach towel. She hummed a pop song that Leon remembered being popular when he was a teenager, but couldn’t recall the name off.

A set of rubber fins slapped against the pool tile. The music grew frantic with each wet slap as the monster neared the woman.

A three clawed hand reached out towards the woman. She spun, screamed in terror and--

"Is that a boom mic?" Leon paused the movie and pointed to the mic in the corner of the screen.

"There are at least seven hangin' around in different shots," Piers confirmed. "You think you can find 'em all?"

Now with a goal of finding all the hidden mics, Leon went to hit play again. Before his fingers brushed the space bar, something let out a loud "Baaaa!"

He bolted up in time to see the front door fly off its hinges, followed by a dubwool.The door and dubwool slammed into the steps. Picture frames crashed to the ground. Glass scattered across the floor.

Outside, several people screamed, then a cinderace then leapt over the dubwool.

It ricocheted off the busted door and aimed a well placed kick into Leon's chest.

----

"...And that's what happened before you brusted in." Leon adjusted the ice pack against his head.

The doctor from Wedgehurts said Leon got lucky that Cinderace's attack only left him with some bruises, bumps, and a mild concussion and not broken bones. When he left, the doctor tutted at the broken door and muttered about kids these days.

Piers set a glass of water on the table in front of Leon and two pain pills beside it.

From across the kitchen table, Hop and Gloria avoided looking at the older trainers. How could they let their imagination get away from them like that? Gloria was the Galar champion and Hop was a professor in training, and yet they really believed assassins had broken in.

How foolish! Leon was a champion, too. Of course he could take care of a few assassin's without their help!

"We're really sorry, Lee," Hop muttered then added quickly, "and Piers."

Gloria added in, "We just wanted to help."

"It's not the first time I've been hit by a pokemon, and it probably won't be the last," Leon reassured after he downed the pain killers.

Piers took a seat. He steepled his fingers and looked over Hop and Gloria with a hard, steady gaze. The two squirmed. Should they apologize again? Get on their knees and beg for forgiveness?

"This wasn't how this was s’pposed to go." Piers sighed, turning to look away and releasing the kids from his stare.

Leon nodded in agreement, only to flinch. He blinked hard until the kitchen finally stopped spinning. The doctor told him not to do anything that required much mental or physical exertion, but he didn't particularly have a choice in this case.

The thought of explaining the door, the wall, the shelf, his head, not to mention Piers, made his head pound in anticipation of the confrontation. Mum would be upset about the door, worried about him, and annoyed about Piers being kept a secret from her.

"I don't get," Hop frowned, "why you two keep this a secret from everyone? What's the big deal?"

Leon scratched his cheek with his finger. "Well, ah, that's because--"

"We were breakin’ rules," Piers cut in.

"Rules? What rules?" Hop wrinkled his brow.

Leon was a grown up now, so the rules Mum set up for dating when he was a teenager didn't apply anymore. Or, Hop thought they didn't. Had Leon broken his curfew to spend time with Piers? Did he leave for a date without telling Mum how long he’d be out?

"The Pokemon League rules. Members of The League aren't allowed to date each other. Conflict of interest and all that," Peers explained. "I was still a gym leader and he was still champion when this started." He nodded towards Leon.

Now Hop felt really confused. He couldn't imagine his big brother breaking a rule like that. Then again, he couldn't imagine Leon breaking curfew either, at least not without a really good reason.

Gloria crossed her arms. This was news to her. What a dumb rule. Who cared if a gym leader wanted to date another leader. What if she wanted to go out with a gym leader? The League could try and stop her!

"I don't think we'll get in too much trouble now, but we figured we'd wait it out before saying anything to anyone." Leon switched the hand holding the ice pack. He wanted this conversation over so he could go lay down and stare at the ceiling for a bit.

A thought crossed Gloria's mind just then. Could it be this The Big Secret Marnie had to tell her in person?

"Does Marnie know?"

"That you two nearly suffocated her brother under a hundred kilo of unknit sweater? She will when I get home." Piers glanced at the side of the kitchen where the pokemon were. Dubwool lowered his gaze. Cinderace coughed into his paws and turned to stare out the window.

"No, did Marnie know about you two?"

Piers raised an eyebrow. "Yeah. She knew."

Gloria's eyes gleamed. Now Marnie owed her a new secret, since Gloria knew this one. It was only fair after all! Maybe this whole ordeal was worth it to learn Marnie’s crushes!

Hop asked, "Is there anything we can do to make this up to you two? We messed up, and we deserve it."

Piers and Leon exchanged looks. Piers shrugged. He could always find them something to do at Spikemuth: the less artistic graffiti needed to be washed off walls, trash picked up, or moss scraped off buildings.

Leon, though, was the one who had actually been hurt so he let the punishment for the kids’ transgression be under his discretion.

"I can think of one thing," Leon said. He gestured for Piers to lean towards him. He covered the side of his mouth and whispered into Piers' ear.

Piers cackled and sent Hop and Gloria a smirk.

"Brilliant. Just brilliant." He clasped Leon on the upper arm and squeezed.

Leon set the ice pack on the table. He reached across and put a firm hand on one of Hop's and one of Gloria's shoulders.

He half smiled. "Someone has to tell Mum what happened to the door, and I don't think it will be me."

---

---

AN: I haven't written a fanfiction in like more than a year. But last year was 2020 so can you blame me?

[straightfacedstrangeness]

Not that anyone asked (but seriously I’d LOVE for someone to talk to me about PokeSpe (just no spoilers past vol 13)) but since I made an offhand remark about my Top 5 favorite characters, it occurred to me that I actually DO have approximately 5 top favorite characters, and I’m procrastinating on work, so I’m gonna ramble

**just in case, note that a lot of this will revolve around my childhood experience with gender in a “I’m AFAB (and present-day me still identifies as a cis girl) but I don’t fit in with what media is telling me girls are like” way, a brief childhood feeling of homophobia, and probably general TMI about my opinions and emotions throughout my life, haha

1. Yellow

Okay, so, I was a little kid when Pokemon Adventures started coming out in English, back when manga was released as single-issue monthly comic books instead of complete volumes.  So I was rereading the same chapters over and over while anxiously awaiting the rest of the story (and wound up missing a bunch of issues anyway)

I enjoyed the RGB arc, I thought it was fun, but I didn’t LOVE the series until Yellow showed up.  At that age my ideal crush was “a cute boy my age who would be nice to me” and Yellow was presented to the reader as a cute boy my age who was sweet and kind and gentle, but also good in a fight, as all shounen protags must be.  Extra bonus points because they had just a few physically weak Pokémon and tried to fight battles in a way that minimized damage to their own and the opponent’s Pokémon, which meant they fought in a particularly smart and clever way.  And I was considered “smart” for being good at school, so being a SMART cute “boy” my age who would be nice to me, Yellow was PERFECT.  I mean, I loved the arc in general because of the clever battles, and the mystery of what had happened to Red, why these people were after Pikachu, why Yellow was so secretive about themself and their mission, etc was really engaging.  But also I adored Yellow as a character and partly in a “I wonder if ‘he’ would like me??” kind of way X’D  So to my tiny child self who didn’t even know it was possible to like-like someone of the same gender (because I hadn’t read Cardcaptor Sakura yet XD ), the reveal that Yellow was a “girl” was devastating—I had to cross out floating hearts on at least one drawing of us holding hands (scandalous!) and, while kind of stunned and shaken for a while, decided that what I’d felt all along was a deep, intense desire to be friends X’D (which probably wasn’t too far from the truth since I was pre-puberty and later turned out to be asexual)

(Also note that I never got the RGB issue that had the chapter where Red helps a little ‘girl’ capture a Rattata—later proven to be Yellow’s backstory—so the gender reveal really came out of nowhere for me.)

But anyways, I still love Yellow as a character for all the above reasons, without the crush aspects because I’m way older than them now.

Also when I reread the series ten years ago, I finally realized “wait, aside from surprising the reader, there’s no real plot reason for Yellow to pretend to be a ‘boy’ except that Green told ‘her’ to—so why did ‘she’ do it?”...and because at that time I didn’t even know that nonbinary genders existed, I decided it was cus they had low self-esteem and pretending to be a different person gave them courage (the same reading I had for Mulan at the time).  These days I’m more inclined to “yeah, I think Yellow’s nonbinary,” but that other interpretation was deeply relatable to me and only made me love Yellow even more.

2. Bill

Bill’s definitely a character I’ve grown to love more as an adult, since I’ve gone from seeing myself as “a protagonist doing cool things” to “a side character just living their life who hopefully gets to do something once in a while.”  But as a kid and now, I like him mostly for the slapstick and goofy expressions and the (early chapters Viz translations) outrageous accent  X’D  My brain desperately craves endorphins and the best way to get em is through a good laugh.

But also, I liked that he was introduced as a goofy character-of-the-week who got into ridiculous trouble and had to be rescued, but then kept being brought back, was slowly built up to be the “smart sidekick who explains things,” and eventually got to the point where he was participating in big battles (the Yellow finale on Cerise Island).  I rambled about this in the tags of another post, but I liked that he was a character who was “weak” without being “useless.”  As a kid who was good at school, I was obsessed with being good at things and had developed a black-and-white view of the world where either you were “strong/smart” or “weak/stupid” to the point that failing or just being not-so-good at anything was devastating (it still kind of is), because that meant I was actually “weak/stupid” when I was supposed to be “strong/smart.”  So it was kind of awesome that this guy who kept getting into trouble and having to be rescued—and didn’t even want to BE part of the final battle—managed to hold his own and get through it and help out instead of being a burden that dragged everyone down.  Seriously, he used a MAGIKARP effectively—the Pokémon everyone makes fun of for being “useless” and he used its one attack to save his life!

(Bonus points for all this happening in contrast to my devastating childhood experience of stanning The One Girl Character in every popular shounen series, waiting desperately for her to get to do something in battle, and then her one spotlight episode revolved around her struggling because she was so weak...not only was that actually happening to a boy for once, it was actually happening in a more satisfying/empowering way :’D )

3. Gold

I have extremely specific tastes when it comes to “the dumb shounen/action movie protag,” because as a kid I hated it when the main character was “dumb” because I was “smart” (re: good at school) and people who were “dumb” shouldn’t deserve to be the main character and have all the cool powers and save the world and stuff.  As an adult, I hate it when male characters are dumb and/or jerks but it’s treated as fine or even sexy(??) and the other characters fawn over them, and I generally still kind of hate it when characters who are dumb and/or jerks get the big important role when there’s a female character RIGHT THERE who’s more competent (and OF COURSE she has to wind up falling in love with him)

But anyway, I have extremely specific tastes, and Gold is it  X’D  He’s the perfect combination of “unshakably confident in his own stupid/egotistic views” and “treated as annoying and/or comic relief by the rest of the cast” with a bonus dash of actually being really clever in battle (so my inner child goes “Ah yes, technically, he is ’smart,’ and therefore...worthwhile“)  Making me laugh while also impressing me is like the key to my heart.

4. Crystal

I’m too lazy to look it up, but when Viz was publishing Pokemon Adventures as monthly comics, they must have switched to publishing it as trade paperbacks only and/or had a huge gap between the end of Yellow and the start of GSC, because for YEARS I’d thought Yellow was the end of the series and was shocked the first time I saw later volumes.  (My dad was buying us the monthly issues at the local comic store, and either they wouldn’t have ordered the trade paperbacks or he wouldn’t have thought to check those shelves.)

Anyway, that’s a long lead-in to the statement of “Crystal would automatically be my #1 or #2 if I’d read her arc as a kid.”  She’s a girl, she wears pants, she’s EXTREMELY smart (genius-level “book-smarts” about every Pokémon’s behaviors and weaknesses PLUS being clever in a battle), was tough as nails (she KICKED her Pokéballs!!), had no interest in romance or her appearance, AND had a short arc about losing her confidence and training herself back up to full power.  I would have KILLED for a character like that when I was a little girl being told that “girls don’t like action shows like Dragon Ball Z” (but I was a girl and I did???) and that girls were supposed to be pretty and obsessed with fashion and dating, and that girls were never the main character of action series, just side characters who either did nothing or got one chance to do something and were pathetically weak (see above, and/or Sakura’s fight against Ino (Naruto), those couple filler eps where Téa/Anzu played Duel Monsters (Yu-Gi-Oh), Videl getting pummeled by Spopovich (DBZ), etc).

So anyway, she’s awesome, she’s exactly the type of character I would’ve loved as a kid.  The only reason she’s behind Gold here is because at my age, “makes me laugh” > “the kind of main character I used to wish I could be”

5. Green (the girl trainer...I’m just too loyal to the Viz version to call her “Blue”...)

I’m trying not to rehash the same “I’m a girl but none of the girls in my shows/comics are like me!” childhood woes over and over, haha, but as much as I always enjoyed Green for being extremely clever and outsmarting the boys and being funny when she did so, she always lost points with me for being “pretty” and flirting to get her way, because that put her in the box of “girls are supposed to be pretty and desired by boys and obsessed with their appearance and romance” that was so foreign and disheartening to me as a kid.

But her staredown with Ho-oh at the end of the GSC arc TOTALLY got me.  As a sad adult with anxiety, watching characters who are absolutely terrified overcome their fear, watching characters who are completely beaten down struggle back to their feet and keep fighting, is like my ultimate power fantasy.  That sequence genuinely had me in tears.

Also her bond with Silver is super precious, especially since that’s like the first time in the series we’ve seen her be genuinely emotional and vulnerable with someone instead of teasing or manipulating them.

Honorable mention: Sapphire

I haven’t gotten up to R/S in my reread yet, and I only read that arc once over like a weekend ten years ago, but I’m pretty sure she’s gonna be a Top Fave cus again there’s that “I'm not like other girls!” childhood feel  (last time I’m saying it, I promise)

It’s a story arc where one protag wants to fight the gyms and the other protag wants to win the beauty contests, but the one who wants to fight the gyms is the girl!!  And she’s the typical “dumb but extremely good at fighting” shounen protag but she’s the girl!!  She’s feral and illiterate and a total tomboy and wins all her fights and she’s a GIRL!!!!

--

Anyway, those are my kids and my dude and my probably way-too-personal reasons why.  If you wanna reblog, reply, or send an ask about your own faves...please