#i mean it's boxing day here noW but
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demons-i-get · 7 months ago
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WAIT BIG BRAINED THOUGHT:
Sam does smth stupid hoping Dean won't find out.
Someone rats Sam out to Dean.
Sam gets in trouble and a lecture from Dean (bc Dean is a parent and he is Sam's parent I will not accept criticism on this matter).
Later, Sam makes a group chat consisting of everyone who could have told on him to Dean and just sends this video:
#supernatural#spn#dean winchester#sam winchester#dean winchester is sam winchester's parent#and i will be accepting NO criticism on this matter!!!!#dean raised sam and in my heart i just know that its smth they dont really talk abt but they both 100% know and acknowledge it#and sam (the annoying little brother/kid) that he is to dean definitely calls dean 'mom' sometimes especially when hes being a little shit#but sam also loves his big brother and appreciates everything deans done and given up for him#so every year dean gets a pie and a little homemade card on mother's day and father's day from sam#when they were younger sam would give dean the card and actually say 'happy mother's/father's day dean' but once theyre older sam starts#sneaking the pie and card into dean's room or leaving them somewhere he knows dean will find them and neither of them say anything but dean#always gives sam a soft smile and usually a hug too before they continue w/ their day like its any other#the year dean spends w/ lisa and ben while sam's in hell/running around soulless ben makes dean a father's day card and dean gets all teary#and thanks him but then later when hes alone he just breaks down sobbing bc it just remimds him that sammy is gone#even when sam was at stanford and not really talking to dean he still sent dean a short message (text email voicemail whatever) on mother's#and father's day but now hes gone and dean wont even get that#btw dean def saves all of the cards sam's made him over the years and once theyre in the bunker he keeps them all in a special box that he#hides under his bed and he'll pull it out and look through them when hes having a bad day alongside the box of pictures <3#i did not mean to go insane in the tags here but oh well#enjoy my silly post and unhinged rambling ig
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shirogane-oushirou · 13 days ago
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no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 😭 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.
i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.
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[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!
also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]
#goddd my family finds it sooooooo funny that i can't do basic tasks! it's soooo funny that i can't even think of a horror movie to watch#on halloween bc i genuinely can't remember a single one right now. it's soooo funny that i can't take cardboard boxes or#old furniture out of my room without help bc i've physically and mentally and emotionally burnt out for Months.#and me not being able to move shit out after two (2) days makes me a hoarder somehow. and ofc hoarding is a moral failing#and my mom has to give me a stern talking-to about hoarding things... that were. again. in my room for 2 days....#[tbc it isnt a moral failing no matter the reason. life is hard and things happen and it can be hard to get rid of things for Reasons.]#nevermind them making constant snide remarks about me using ugly 'mismatched' desk / storage furniture. bc it was free / cheap? no income??#AND!!!!! i have a couple of new diagnoses. which doesn't change much day to day but it does make my family making fun of me#even more dumbfounding. like. this explains a lot of really scary unexplained symptoms that constantly leave me#housebound for weeks but uhhh haha hehe hoho??? so silly so funny that i'm barely conscious for multiple weeks???#and you can see that i'm getting worse but that makes it funnier??? hmm!!!#also nevermind that i've told them the exact reason why i've been like this (read: them) but that ALSO makes it funnier somehow.#but i also can't say shit bc they're doing something ~nice~ for me (out of convenience + after almost a decade of 'don't get comfortable'#and 'don't decorate this room bc it isn't yours' and 'you need to be ready to move out by x date'#only for the date to arrive and them to pull the 'i never said that. and if i did say it i didn't mean it like that.#and if i did mean it like that i don't anymore.' card. + any big renovations are things they wanted anyway. hmmmm!!#and how i have to do all of the phys labor alone bc if i ask for help i get made fun of!!! and yelled at that i'm doing things Wrong#(hint: i'm following instructions to the letter but. my family knows better than those silly things!! ^^ ))#jfc i sure did rant. uh. yeah. things. are really weird and uncomfy and i feel thankful that i finally can have my own things on display#outside of closets and bins again after a decade?? but i'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop / them to tell me i owe them in#some way??? bc that's how it works. 'i'm doing a nice thing you didn't even ask me for so now you have to do whatever i tell you to.'#meanwhile i can't even maladaptive daydream my way through it bc my brain is soup right now. can't remember basic things abt#my interests bc i've been on negative battery / spoons for a couple of months straight and it's only getting worse.#OKAY TLDR i'm not in a state to do anything until everything irl gets settled. and i'm trying So Hard to get it all over with but there's#only so much i can do in a day before i completely shut down. i didn't even get into the insurance stuff i've been fighting too ughhhh.#so if i show up on here in short spurts -- hi! bye! hi!! i wuv and care u!!! hope youre well mwah mwah!!!!!!! i'll post what i can and then#disappear when i need to recharge. it is what it is. i need to try to sleep now... uh if this post disappears when i wake up.... yeah......#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -
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egregiousderp · 20 days ago
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A week’s vacation starts tomorrow. Minus Halloween, of course, because I love working Halloween at the store enough I requested to work it. I’m up to two kids who already are clearly living in their costumes: one in a Sonic Onesie with matching yellow crocs decked in sonic-themed jibbitz, and one Batman with the built-in foam muscles on a maybe…seven year old and five year old respectively? Best part of Halloween for me, honestly, seeing the kids who are going to *be* Spider-Man or whatever until Thanksgiving when their parents finally go TAKE THAT OFF WE HAVE COMPANY COMING.
Got cleared for the Jedi costume as long as I’m bladeless and the saber stays on the belt, so that’s…honestly, easy, but also feels a little weird because it’s like “oh cool what do I do with the time, now?” Like, I debated making a togruta headdress for it but decided not to just in case it’s “scary” for the real little ones.
Car’s still needing to go to the shop because it won’t start and the hood latch is broken, and my sick time from the Week of Mystery Dysentery has come up mysteriously short a hundred bucks from my already not so great paycheck, and car insurance had to be paid.
So it looks like I’m spending a week inside cooking two big meals to make use of the pantry stuff that just got cleared, with MAYBE a third if mom feels like eating chopped liver with me if I make it, and seeing how many paper cranes I can make to contribute to the thousand.
…It’s so weird working so hard to get full time for so many years, and now the benefits are slightly annoying and way less helpful than the guaranteed hours—especially since the home situation is so toxic and I’m trapped, unable to go anywhere.
#bit of a vent post I guess#main plans for the week are to cook and maybe start planting the cranberry beans#the weather’s still a little warmer than I’d like for them but hopefully the purslane’s helped the soil enough.#At least I’ll be home tomorrow to argue why my instruments shouldn’t be thrown out.#I’m just so tired#maybe I’ll wander and do some more intense Pokémon Go than usual#I might see if I can up my output to fifty cranes a day while on vacation.#got ninety bucks to my name until Halloween after bills. so I guess I’ll use it to feed everyone and give myself something to do#this close to taking money out of the savings and buying an electric bike so at least I have more range on my wandering#but that’s a thousand bucks or so and another argument about storage for it I guess#I’m just really tired of not even having a room to myself I guess#here’s to hoping in four months I have at least a place to stay and can empty the storage unit#the big dream at this point is just to have a place to set up my full library for the first time in years#and then be able to deal with the grief of going through everything and deciding what stays and what goes#it’s weird realizing some of those boxes I’ve been unable to open or even look at for a decade#because of yes. loss of a person#but also loss of the idea of the Dream Job I always wanted#and the realization that even if I went back to it now I’d be making about the same amount but would be in debt from college#anyway. on Thursday I get to be a Jedi. I guess. for a day that means I get to be the teacher I always wanted to be.#barring that maybe y’all will like to gaze on my curry
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ineffablefool · 24 days ago
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til that the $14,000USD HVAC system we had installed six months ago will commonly crash (in a way that you cannot diagnose from inside the house, and requiring a tech to drive here and go into the backyard to reboot it) if there's any kind of power surge on the line
which fortunately the fix is just to install a surge protector on the main line coming into the house, and that's maybe 500 bucks total for parts and labor, and then the *well known to be crappy in this part of town* power grid won't trip up this *incredibly delicate goddamn hothouse flower of a machine*
if only it had been possible for the sales guy to mention this when he and housemate were speccing everything out at our dining room table, so it could have been installed *with* the HVAC *by the electrician who was already on site turning off power to the house to install stuff anyway*
if only!!!!!! ah well I hope the company who installed and warranteed this thing enjoyed paying one of their licensed electricians triple time or whatever to drive out here on a Sunday and inform us of this (since we're in their lil care club so for us callouts are free)
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averlym · 2 years ago
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hi, i see you are on hiatus, but thought at some point you might like to hear that january 28th is henry’s deathday ~ holiday anon
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another one bites the dust (haha because you hoover dust)
#one year anniversary of this in my ask box <3 have a silly little niche comic that would only make sense if you’ve seen this one behind the#scenes video interview thing i don't remember#i was going to find it to link it but alas it was super old (before covid! before cast change!) and i gave up#it was like is henry involved in this show? and yeah he eats the confetti at the end that's it or smth like that#in the uk. there is this specific brand of vacuum cleaner// hoover? (why do they call it a hoover i had to go back and bri'ish-ify the#dialogue in this. goodness). and its name is henry. amongst other things. go google it ig#notes!! okay so like. was going to draw all six queens but ran out of stamina. i have spent the day doing idk what and my eyes kinda hurt#so you get the trio of?#catherine parr#jane seymour#anne boleyn#fun fact! i was scrolling through the inbox today and coincidentally saw this and today's date. insane. and so i kinda rushed this out.#also. not sure if you've seen this @holidayanon but after the &lt;now retracted&gt; goodbye post i got to know who was behind this all along#and like. thank you amber you're very cool! haven't talked in ages! can;t believe you fooled me for so long. sneaky skills? ily <333#back to notes on this yes.#there's a few references in here to my super old stuff (3 in total i guess??)#1) couch. one of my oldest drawings of the queens is all six of them on a couch and ngl i love the vibes i keep meaning to redraw it and#then not doing so. but every time i think of their headcanoned shared living space i like to stick in a couch hehe#2) plant!!! a long long time ago incorrect-sixquotes did smth about a plant and anne. its name was bess. if you look at like. sept 2019#it's there in the archive. i think it might have been a fake plant but yknow what? i will allow bess to Grow. as a treat. and 3) there's an#incorrect quote out there i drew once from misha (wify!!) asking about cathy parr and 'make me a sandwich' meme/vine/thingy#with her and henry the hoover. so yeah! also i like in this one she's the queen declaring his death bc like how she was the one who outlived#him. itches my brain. i like to think that in this comic jane is humming one of the songs from six- specifically HoS or six!! <3#i am not sure what noise a vacuum cleaner makes when it dies. i'm also unsure who other than my family vacuums a couch but then again i was#unaware we owned a vacuum cleaner until a month ago! so there's that#six the musical#six the musical fanart#caption is a silly little pun courtesy of me channelling my inner seymour. i think the last comic i did was for aragon's bday and despite th#e passage of time. i am still unable to properly pace things. oh well
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quarklynx · 2 months ago
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Casually flirting with the idea of fucking around and getting a master's degree. The time will pass anyway, right?
#lynx thinks#oh nooooooooooooooooo#nooooo i can feel the urge to be crazy and act on my hubris#ive just been talking to the grad students in the theater program and theyre taking like 9 credits a semester#and its all stuff that seems interesting or fun or at the very least useful unlike my undergrad degree#and im like... i can already sew as well as if not better than these grad students. i can for sure draw better for any designs i come up w#heck i can draw better than the current head costume designer faculty member for the university#so the little overcommitting gremlin in my brain is like ''yoi could totally do it. do it.''#and the other part of me is like ''im already so tired just from working again after needing to recover from burnout. how would i even?#so I'm sitting here Thinking about it...#a masters degree in theater might be better for finding work at a pre-existing institution than just a bachelors in art#and it might be better than a masters in art too#I'd have to stop taking commissions completely probably if i did it for the sake if time#but if i somehow got an assistantship position? then maybe?? i could do it?#oooooooh i hrm so hard y'all#its only been a week since moving and ao much is still in boxes. im only working part time but I'm tired now so much#idk if its just because my stamina levels have atrophied or what but im so. tired. these days#and by these days i mean in the last week.#maybe a week isn't long enough of a sample to work from.#im hoping my energy levels will even out a bit but with the time zone change and the fact that I'm almost 30 I'm not sure if it will?#so thats worrying#i actually kind of see why people seem to drink coffee every day now#I've definitely been eating a lot more normally since i started. both in timing and quantity#i still have projects of my own to work on i cant afford to be so eepy orz
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red-dyed-sarumane · 5 months ago
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ive only made 3 plushies in my life but its cool to be able to see the improvement happening each time
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sprinklethetangerine · 6 months ago
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I think this is a pretty reasonable situation to cry in, right?
#ughhhhh#you know what becausd i hate myself (not really dw) this isnt gonna be a vaguepost#if youre reading the tags buckle the fuck up#so last week and the week before were spring break for me#and the week before was jjst full of studying and exam stress to the point where i couldnt attend my archery lessons#cause all i was doing at that time was either studying or feeling like shit for not studying#but when spring break hit actually THE VERY SECOND it arrived I had to go to another city about two hours away to visjt family#and guess what? I STAYED THERE FOR ALMOST THE WHOLE ENTIRE SPRING FUCKING BREAK#so i couldnt even do most of the shit i wanted to#and even there i couldnt enjoy my time#why? because ALL I DID was study. my cousin tutors me and I was failing these 3 specific subjects#so she was helping me withtgem and she wouldnt leave me be#and when my (undiagnosed) adhd made me shit at focusing and my mind keot wantering and i kept looking away because i was understimulated#i got shouted at which was not very fun#whats worse is she did it in front of people. literally in public.#then we come back home THANKFULLY and she comes with us. because of course.#and now all my time all of it except for one or two hours of the day is just studying#the only free time i have is when she sleeps#and school. literally never in my life have i been happy to go to school and yet id rather be there than here.#but what choice do i really have#its either this or fail the exams#it gets worse. on thursday i was really tired from school. i came back and PASSED OUT#and by passed out I mean PASSED OUT#idk if it was cause it was hot outside or school just drained my energy but i could barely exist at that point#then my cousin finds me on the couch sweaty and basically dying#what does she do? she wakes me up like “alright time to study”#so yesterday i did charity work and it involved carrying a lot of heavy boxes and stuff so i naturally came back drained and tired and she#STILL WANTED ME TO STUDY so the second we got back I just slept and i was practically comatose so she coukdnt even wake me up#i slept for 11 hours and woke up to MORE STUDYING HURRAY and then at 5 i went to archery class and we got back at 8 and she WONT STOP#i just want to go home. im so tired. physically and mentally and emotionally. i just wanna go fucking home.
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grahamdollton · 8 months ago
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#my peculiar wife#i'm not rewatching speaking of sex atm i just found this in the vaults (my screenshot folder)#then again i might rewatch it today because i feel like shit and seeing him in such a..... state..... might improve matters#at least yesterday wasn't a total bust#and by that i mean i actually had a decent day yesterday which i haven't been able to say in ages#i left my cave and went to an estate sale where an incredibly attractive middle aged gentleman with silver hair let me have#these two big wooden roll top boxes full of cassettes (many of which are sealed blanks!) for five bucks.....#i haven't gone through them thoroughly yet but it looks like there's a lot of early appalachian gospel#can't go wrong there.........#the man kept calling me sir#sometimes it baffles me that i “”“pass”“” these days because my hair is so damn long and i keep my face clean shaven#so that's nice#with how depressed i've been sometimes i hate to acknowledge when i have a decent day or even a decent moment#because i almost superstitiously feel it will act as a magnet for my depression to swoop in and feed on it#and out of that fear my depression has developed this sort of..... personified stubbornness#where i both consciously and unconsciously avoid what might allow for an opening for “decent moments”.. pleasure.. joy.. whatever might#might grant me relief from pain even just for a moment etc#i don't know what i'm trying to describe here all i know is i feel trying to announce or acknowledge any sort of happiness i experience#feels like i'm directly endangering it#my brain is too scattered right now to try to articulate anything and i don't know why i'm doing so in the tags of a photo of#my peculiar wife james spader#just trying to exist again and not let myself be a hermit to the extent of harold smith which is very much the path i've been on for a long#long time#and i'm chipping away at that nonexistence in strange ways but chipping away nonetheless.......
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running-in-the-dark · 9 months ago
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okay, day two of living at my in-laws for two months
slept most of the day again
my brain is too tired to do maths but that's a lot of hours of sleep in the last two days
unfortunately I'm never fully asleep because of the cats but hopefully I'll get used to it
finally managed to set up my PC and eventually remembered what I needed to do to make Jellyfin work again. so now I can finally watch my stupid shows again
(seriously the worst part so far has been not being able to watch my little fictional idiots do stupid things. I already feel so out of place, I need them 😭)
I miss my things.
I'm still very tired.
I want to go home.
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thebirdandhersong · 1 year ago
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gooooood GRIEF
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rosesradio · 1 year ago
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.
#i don't mean to vent when i just got back on here but like#so i haven't had a midnight snack in months--just didn't feel the need--#but the night before last & last night i got a sleeve of saltines each--these were short sleeves of like 10-15#i got the box for my dad when he was sick because he asked me & it had been sitting there for maybe 3 months since & no one wanted them#but then tonight we had soup & my parents asked about the saltines & basically found out#& my dad kinda chewed me out--not about eating the last of them because there was another box they used--#but that that was way too much to eat & i eat too much & will get diabetes#which i feel just isn't true ?#without divulging too much i eat two meals a day (i don't like breakfast)--like a sandwich at lunch & then whatever me and/or my mom--#makes at dinner#maybe a snack in between but not often#& then some (like a serving size) of ice cream for dessert#like a get a lot of cravings but it's not often i act on it because food is expensive#anyways i felt so bad about what my dad was saying i started crying & he said i was being overdramatic. but i didn't finish my dinner#& now i don't even want to eat around him#i should probably just ignore him--i love him but he's one of those dads that gets so involved at work that he just wants to watch tv when--#he's off. & he thinks i'm basically the same person i was when i was eight years old--like i love mac n cheese & my favorite color is orange#but honestly i did suffer some disordered eating/body image issues in hs & i'm sure my relationship with food isn't completely healed#but it still hurts to see people think things about me that aren't that accurate#tw vent#tw disordered eating#rose.txt#To be deleted
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theabstruseone · 1 year ago
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I slept in and just woke up, so here's what I've been able to figure out while sipping coffee:
Twitter has officially rebranded to X just a day or two after the move was announced.
The official branding is that a tweet is now called "an X", for which there are too many jokes to make.
The official account is still @twitter because someone else owns @X and they didn't reclaim the username first.
The logo is 𝕏 which is the Unicode character Unicode U+1D54F so the logo cannot be copyrighted and it is highly likely that it cannot be protected as a trademark.
Outside the visual logo, the trademark for the use of the name "X" in social media is held by Meta/Facebook, while the trademark for "X" in finance/commerce is owned by Microsoft.
The rebranding has been stopped in Japan as the term "X Japan" is trademarked by the band X JAPAN.
Elon had workers taking down the "Twitter" name from the side of the building. He did not have any permits to do this. The building owner called the cops who stopped the crew midway through so the sign just says "er".
He still plans to call his streaming and media hosting branch of the company as "Xvideo". Nobody tell him.
This man wants you to give him control over all of your financial information.
Edit to add further developments:
Yes, this is all real. Check the notes and people have pictures. I understand the skepticism because it feels like a joke, but to the best of my knowledge, everything in the above is accurate.
Microsoft also owns the trademark on X for chatting and gaming because, y'know, X-box.
The logo came from a random podcaster who tweeted it at Musk.
The act of sending a tweet is now known as "Xeet". They even added a guide for how to Xeet.
The branding change is inconsistent. Some icons have changed, some have not, and the words "tweet" and "Twitter" are still all over the place on the site.
TweetDeck is currently unaffected and I hope it's because they forgot that it exists again. The complete negligence toward that tool and just leaving it the hell alone is the only thing that makes the site usable (and some of us are stuck on there for work).
This is likely because Musk was forced out of PayPal due to a failed credit line project and because he wanted to rename the site to "X-Paypal" and eventually just to "X".
This became a big deal behind the scenes as Musk paid over $1 million for the domain X.com and wanted to rebrand the company that already had the brand awareness people were using it as a verb to "pay online" (as in "I'll paypal you the money")
X.com is not currently owned by Musk. It is held by a domain registrar (I believe GoDaddy but I'm not entirely sure). Meaning as long as he's hung onto this idea of making X Corp a thing, he couldn't be arsed to pay the $15/year domain renewal.
Bloomberg estimates the rebranding wiped between $4 to $20 billion from the valuation of Twitter due to the loss of brand awareness.
The company was already worth less than half of the $44 billion Musk paid for it in the first place, meaning this may end up a worse deal than when Yahoo bought Tumblr.
One estimation (though this is with a grain of salt) said that Twitter is three months from defaulting on its loans taken out to buy the site. Those loans were secured with Tesla stock. Meaning the bank will seize that stock and, since it won't be enough to pay the debt (since it's worth around 50-75% of what it was at the time of the loan), they can start seizing personal assets of Elon Musk including the Twitter company itself and his interest in SpaceX.
Sesame Street's official accounts mocked the rebranding.
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random-kido · 2 months ago
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Genuinely hate when anyone approaches my car when i get to work early, makes me quesy
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boyapologist · 4 months ago
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the worse part about believing men deserve rights is that you can't never say that in front of a man because some of them have zero nuance and it just opens a door for them to say something like "feminists are all gross" in front of you thinking you will agree
#I've made that mistake one too many times#just thought abt this now but what I'm talking about happened a couple of days ago actually#we were talking about mental illness and the guy who was flying with me said something like#''a lot of people don't think men are allowed to have low self-esteem''#and I was immediately like YES THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING ALL ALONG in my head so I just said#''a lot of people have stopped seeing men as human beings entirely and it sucks''#and theeeen it opened the doors of hell and this guy started yapping about how he hates feminism#and me and the other flight attendant had to backtrack like NONONONO that's not what we meant#it's funny cause most men are genuinely miseducated about feminism. I don't even think he did it on purpose#guy just has no idea what feminism actually is#the good news are that we tried to educate him a bit#and by the end of the conversation I think he understood what he was discribing was misandry and not feminism#which I do believe is a real issue. I think putting genders in boxes is a massive issue in general. but that's not what feminism IS#I hope he truly understood that after we tried to explain lol#what I mean is that it's really fucking hard to love men this much sometimes because some of them see the world so black and white#that they can't tell apart what's hate and what's... genuine societal problems related to gender#anyways I'm still a boy apologist™ I just wanted to come here and mention how HARD that is sometimes lmao#rambles*
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medicinemane · 9 months ago
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Need to learn to sharpen knives or I'll never be able to take care of myself
Like I know the steps, but somehow I just do them wrong, and even following in person instructions from people who know what they're doing... never managed it
(You ever notice how often even really competent people seem to wind up randomly incompetent for no reason, like my uncle who fucking hunts and has used knifes pretty much all his life and gave me a sharpening stone... suddenly seemingly not knowing how to sharpen knives and like... I don't get how he just... suddenly seemed confused and like he didn't know it despite the fact I know he knows how to do it... and it's not like I think he was trying to pull something over on me... anyway...)
Like, if I can't sharpen knives I can't cook, cause I need a sharp knife to feel safe cooking. I'm not spending a ton of money when what I need is a life long skill, not another knife... all my knives would be good, they just need to be sharp
So I don't know... another skill I really need to pick up by May
#this is why I think new years resolutions are stupid; why would I resolve to do something on new years?#I came to realize that there's a lot I need to have ready by May; so that just means I now need to have it ready by May#there's no resolution; there's just a requirement#and there's no need for new years; unless that was the day I realize a requirement why wouldn't I just say it on the day I need it#there's no prize for doing a new years resolution; so there's no point#there's only tasks I realize I need to do; and my fight against being a useless lazy stupid worthless monstrosity so I can get things done#tasks come up and I resolve to do them#but it's not something that's some little... ornamental game I hang on the wall#it's just become a thing I'll do; and somehow despite being a useless failure I have no choice but to do it now that I've decided#kinda like how I got the house... just... decided I was gonna get a house; so I didn't stop till I had one#and that's not some kind of magical self made millionaire type bullshit talk#and it's not 'the secret' type slop#I just had resources; I refused to stop looking at options since none were good yet; and I leveraged what I had when the time came#and here it's like the trailer... I will just throw myself against the problem till I somehow solve it in spite of not being capable of it#and if I break then I just keep going as if I'm not and that's how it goes#no more rest or days off or whatever unless it impairs my ability to do more long term#and it's not like I do any real work so like... who needs days off when I'm just fucking around for a couple hours#moving boxes like it makes a difference#don't need a positive attitude either cause if I waited for that I'd never get anything done#might not be healthy to call myself trash; but that's just what I see and I got shit to do and it's not like it matters if I do or don't#not like anyone would stop me anyway; proof is in the fact it's not like anyone is gonna stop me anyway#so I will take a malicious view of myself and my capabilities; and then I'll do it anyway and feel nothing about it#won't even consider it an achievement; that's just descriptive; that's what happens with the trailer#no one was proud and it meant nothing; grandma was mad at me; none of it matter but it was one less bill#and this will be a cleaner house and... let's be honest; person I'm cleaning it for probably won't want to come#even after we meet face to face... just got a feeling... don't think they read the tags so I'll be honest that while...#while I believe them that they like me and we're friends; boy does it feel like I just annoy them and they can't stand me most of the time#doesn't matter; I need a cleaner house no matter what; just saying I know I'll feel no joy or pride and neither will anyone else for me#should blow my worthless brains out; but good to clean shit first so next person has less work to do#I'm not up to any task but... got no choice; shit's gotta get done to stand a chance of helping out people I like... not that they want it
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