#i mean it goes without saying: fuck notch

[poisonouspastels]

can you believe these are statements made by the same fucking guy over 10 years apart

[pure-smut]

say red: part 3

featuring: Iwaizumi Hajime x f!reader

contains: angst to fluff to smut, happy ending, cunnilingus, missionary, creampie, dom!Iwaizumi, degradation, dirty talk

note: all characters are over 18!

MDNI | 18+ content

word count: 2.3k

series: 1. say red | 2. say red | 3. say red

masterlist

a/n: phew this is the final chapter!! what a ride. i think this is the longest series I've written by word count so yeah! enjoy!!

You skip the next two project meet ups, including the messages Iwaizumi sends you, which you mute without reading. You avoid him in class, leaving early before he can catch up to you.

Instead, you retreat to the library, working on the project by yourself. It’s like there’s a dark cloud over you, following you around. Your chest feels empty and it’s a chore to make yourself smile and laugh in class but you don’t want anyone to know you’re miserable. Worse, miserable because of him.

You see Iwaizumi in a coffee shop once, the same one you both went to. He’s hunched over his notes, brows furrowed, one hand in his dark hair. He’s nibbling on his bottom lip in concentration. You stare at him, not able to tear your eyes away.

You want to go inside, sit down next to him and flash him one of your sweet smiles. You want to smooth the notch in his brow, feel his chest under your palms, feel his grip on your waist.

You want to talk to him and laugh with him again. You want to annoy him, make him roll his eyes and sigh.

But then you remember his kiss – the kiss – and your chest goes tight. You remember the fist he has around your heart. You turn away from him, walking briskly home.

You can avoid him until the end of the semester. Once the project is handed in, you never have a reason to see him again. You can just pretend he doesn’t exist. Easy.

If only Iwaizumi would let you.

You’re in the library after rushing early from class. You found a quiet spot in the back behind all the bookshelves, affording you some privacy as you work on the last section of the project. You’re deep in thought, writing quickly, when a shadow looms over you.

You look up, annoyed, and see Iwaizumi.

You freeze, staring up at him, hand clenched around your pencil. Iwaizumi looks right back at you, ever-present frown on his face. Your eyes dart behind him as you wonder how quickly you can escape. Iwaizumi shifts into view, putting a heavy hand on the back of your chair, blocking you.

“You’re not running this time,” he says lowly.

You avert your eyes, sighing heavily and crossing your arms.

“What do you want from me exactly?” you snap.

A muscle bounces in Iwaizumi’s jaw. Without saying anything, he drags you easily by the back of the chair, pulling you away from the desk. Your breath hitches at his casual strength and you nearly flinch. Your eyes widen as he sinks to his knees, kneeling in front of you.

“I want you to be fucking honest with me,” Iwaizumi says plainly.

When you try to avert your gaze again, he grabs you firmly by the jaw, forcing you to look at him.

“Hey!” you protest, trying to twist away from his grip but he easily overpowers you.

“I know what you’re doing,” Iwaizumi says, catching your gaze and holding it.

“You don’t know anything about me,” you whisper, jaw set. “Just because we fucked doesn’t mean you know me.”

“I know you try,” he shoots back and you feel like you’ve been punched in the chest. “I know you try really fucking hard.”

“I don’t…” Pressure builds behind your eyes but you blink the tears away, refusing to cry. You hate how easily he’s done this to you.

“You do,” Iwaizumi says firmly. “I saw the notes in your room and the recorder you use for class.”

You try to look away again but he holds you firm. Hot tears spill down your cheeks and onto his fingers.

“I see the way you pretend not to listen but you remember everything I tell you. I see the way you act like everything comes easily to you but you upload your work in the middle of the night because you’re working so late.”

“Stop…” you sob.

Iwaizumi doesn’t let you look away, his eyes piercing through you with that damn look, his fist squeezing your heart. His grip on your jaw softens as he cups your cheek.

“I know you care,” he says, his voice dropping. “I know you care about me.”

The fight leaves your body. You say nothing, tears spilling. Iwaizumi brushes them away with the pad of his thumb, gently pulling your face to his.

“Say red,” he whispers. “And I’ll stop.”

You don’t.

Your lips press together gently, cautiously. Iwaizumi snakes his hand to the back to your head, tangling his fingers in your hair. You lean into him, parting his lips to deepen the kiss. His other hand finds your throat, holding you loosely there, somehow comforting. Without breaking the kiss, Iwaizumi pulls you up to standing, holding you close until there’s not an inch between you. You only break away when there’s an awkward cough.

You both turn to see the librarian giving you a stern look. You grin and wink at her while Iwaizumi smothers a smile.

“We should get out of here,” he says, picking up your books.

“That’s probably for the best.” *

Iwaizumi insists on carrying your bag as you walk hand-in-hand back to your place. As soon as you cross the threshold into your bedroom, he’s on you, his hands on your waist as he presses rough kisses against your neck. You giggle and let him push you onto the bed as he crawls on top of you.

“You missed me this much?” you tease.

“How about I show you how much?” Iwaizumi smirks, his hand trailing up your inner thigh. “But first…”

You let him hook his fingers under your panties, pulling them off this time instead of tearing them. Iwaizumi sits back so he can push your dress up past your hips. But then he keeps going.

“This is coming off,” he says firmly.

There’s a stab of fear in your chest as you realise he wants to strip you bare but you let him tug your dress over your head, tossing it to the side. Iwaizumi buries his face in your neck as he snakes a hand underneath you, unsnapping your bra. You swallow hard, your throat suddenly dry. He pulls it off you and sits back again.

Iwaizumi’s gaze rakes over your naked form. You squirm uncomfortably, lungs constricting, and raise your arms to cover yourself. Iwaizumi catches your wrists, stopping you.

“Don’t you dare.” His voice leaves no room for negotiation.

When he’s sure you’re going to stay still, he releases your wrists and leans forward again. Iwaizumi presses a kiss to your forehead and then your cheek and then your neck. Down over your collarbone, between your breasts, and onto your stomach. You giggle as his stubble tickles the sensitive skin there and run your hands through his hair. He looks up at you with a grin.

“You’re fucking gorgeous,” he says.

The way he says it - like he can’t believe he gets to see you like this - makes you want to believe him. You’ve never been overly insecure about the way you look but so feel so exposed, so vulnerable.

Iwaizumi sees the look on your face because he moves down lower, grabbing your thigh so he can kiss the soft inner side.

“Don’t worry,” he breathes, his olive eyes never leaving yours. “I’ll take care of you.”

Your heart beats furiously against your ribcage but you drum up every ounce of trust you have and say a quiet, “Okay.”

Iwaizumi’s grip on your thighs is strong as he pushes your legs up, spreading your pussy for him. He wants to bury his face between your legs and lick up every drop of your arousal but he can feel the tremble in your limbs and knows you’re scared. He doesn’t want you to clam up again, to run away from him. So he keeps his eyes on your face, carefully tracking your reaction, and slowly dips his tongue between your folds.

You exhale shakily, every nerve on fire. Iwaizumi presses his tongue deeper, finding a well of your sweet slick inside you. The combination of his soft mouth and sharp stubble against your sensitive lips only makes you wetter for him. You moan lightly, your head dropping back on the pillow, your muscles relaxing ever so slightly.

Iwaizumi trails his tongue up, parting your lips until he reaches your clit. He feels it throb under his tongue and latches his lips around it softly, sucking until your hands clench the bed sheets.

“Fuck…” you gasp. “That feels good, Iwa.”

Iwaizumi flattens his tongue and brushes it in broad strokes over your sensitive bud, watching your back arch in response. He has to fight not to close his eyes, not to get lost in the taste and smell of you, his cock aching to be inside you. He presses his mouth flush to your pussy, moving between your tight little hole and your clit until he feels you practically dripping.

Your hand is in his hair, tugging at the root as you grind against his mouth, your sweet gasps and whimpers filling the room.

“Iwa…”

Your voice is high and hoarse and he knows you’re close. He nearly cums himself at the way you say his name like that. Iwaizumi returns to your clit, flicking his tongue over it the way he’s learned you like.

“Ah… ah-!”

You grip his hair as your thighs clamp tight around Iwaizumi’s head, smothering him so deliciously against your pussy. He groans against your lips as you come undone on his tongue, pleasure curving your back and curling your toes.

Iwaizumi doesn’t give you time to recover, moving up to kiss you as soon as your thighs release him. You taste yourself on his tongue which is so much hotter than you expected.

“You taste so fucking good,” Iwaizumi groans into your mouth. “Can’t believe I haven’t been able to do that until now.”

“Please feel free to do that again whenever you like.” You grin.

“Definitely later.”

Iwaizumi pulls back to tug his t-shirt over his head and you’re immediately distracted.

You shamelessly rake your gaze over his form, you mouth watering at the sight of him. You’ve always been able to feel the hardness of his muscles through his clothes but it’s nothing compared to seeing it with your own eyes. You reach up to run your hands across his stomach and up to his chest, feeling the smattering of dark hair there, before feeling the definition of his shoulders. Iwaizumi smirks and stands up, quickly ridding himself off his jeans and boxers.

You get a glimpse of the cut of muscle on his hips and his thick thighs before he’s on top of you again, his cock hard and hot against your sopping pussy.

“Pick your jaw off the floor,” Iwaizumi says, sucking small bruises against your collarbone.

“Sorry you’re super fucking hot, Iwa.” You roll your eyes. “Shoot me.”

He chuckles and repositions himself, parting your thighs with his body. The feel of his skin against yours is electrifying, everywhere he touches leaving a scorching trail. The intimacy almost makes your heart set off at a gallop again but Iwaizumi notices your breath catching.

He leans forward on his forearms, barely a gap between you, and brushes your hair from your forehead.

“Hey,” he whispers, the corner of his mouth up ticking. “Who’s my little slut?”

You break out in a smile despite yourself and press a kiss against his lips.

“I’m your little slut, Iwa,” you whisper back.

“You’re goddamn right.”

You gasp as his cock parts your lips, pushing inside you. Iwaizumi rolls his hips, bottoming out quickly before pulling back. He’s so close to you, the trimmed hair at the base of his cock rubs against your clit, stimulating both your sensitive bud and your hole at once.

“S-shit…” you murmur, eyes fluttering closed as pleasure consumes you.

“Hey.”

Iwaizumi’s sharp voice makes you eyes snap open again. He fixes you with his gaze as his hand wraps around your throat.

“Look at me while I fuck you.”

You do what he says. Iwaizumi’s green eyes bore into yours as he thrusts harder, snapping his hips against you. His cock throbs as he watches your brows scrunch up in the middle, your lips parting as lustful whimpers escape. You look so beautiful like this, taking his cock so well.

“Fuck, you’re so wet,” Iwaizumi groans. “Feel so fucking good. Perfect little slut.”

You draw your knees up, letting Iwaizumi go deeper, moans rising as he hits a new spot inside you. You wrap your legs around him, holding him close, your nails sinking into his biceps.

You never knew this could feel so good, to lay bare beneath someone. Beneath Iwaizumi.

“I love this,” you gasp, the words falling from your lips before you can stop them. “I love you.”

Iwaizumi’s heart nearly bursts out of his chest. He doesn’t break pace, feeling your walls start to clench down around him.

“Fuck, I love you,” he says, voice breaking. “I love you so much.”

I love you.

Somehow over the rush of blood in your ears, your eyes rolled back in your skull, pleasure seizing your body like a vice, you hear him. Iwaizumi cums with you, your walls milking him as he unleashes his load deep inside you. Your bodies are slicked with sweat, skin stuck together as you hold each other, breathless.

Iwaizumi doesn’t move right away, choosing to dip his head and kiss you first. The same gentle kiss that made you realise he’d broken past your carefully constructed barrier, that made you realise you need more. A million butterflies explode in your stomach.

Iwaizumi presses his forehead against yours, breath mingling. You know he might have a fist around your heart but you wouldn’t trust it with anyone else.

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[karliahs]

does anyone want 800 words of nearly contextless dialogue, that is just shinsou and midoriya being weird friends? just pure self-indulgence that would not leave my brain until i wrote it? you're welcome

“You’re doing it again.”

“I’m not doing anything,” Izuku says, still staring at their server. 

“You’re about to go try to save someone you just met from their own personal problems. Again.”

“Don’t you think she seems sad?”

“She’s sad because you’re not eating your dinner.”

Izuku pointedly grabs another bite of food without looking at the bowl. 

“Try focusing on yourself for once,” Hitoshi tries, because apparently he loves fighting losing battles. 

“I’m focused.” Izuku goes to grab some more food only for his chopsticks to clank against the table. He turns his head at last and notices that Hitoshi has moved his bowl away without him noticing.

Izuku pulls the bowl back. “You should come with me to talk to her once we’re done eating.”

“Why?”

“You’re good at talking to people.”

Hitoshi gives him his best blank, intimidating stare. It isn’t nearly as effective as it used to be.

“You are! Your quirk requires you to be.”

“My quirk requires me to be good at antagonising people.”

“Which means you’re used to watching people, gauging their responses, figuring out what makes them tick,” Izuku lists, gesturing at Hitoshi with his chopsticks. “You can use that to help people just as easily as annoying them.”

“Why, when I’m so naturally talented at annoying people?”

“Because you’re a nice person who likes helping people.” Izuku gives him his sunshiniest smile, and Hitoshi swears he dials it up a few notches just to be annoying.

“Our friendship was a mistake.”

“Well, it’s too late for that now,” Izuku says, entirely unphased, looking back over at the server again. He’s become immune to Hitoshi’s grumbling way too fast.

And yeah, it really is too late for that, which is why Hitoshi lets himself get dragged into talking to the server about what’s bothering her, which ends up involving a recently retired underground hero and an illegal fighting ring, because of course it does. This is just what happens when you hang out with hero course kids. Never mind that Hitoshi is one too now. 

.

“You two are in each other’s pockets lately,” Aizawa comments. “What happened to not wanting to make friends on the hero course?”

“Midoriya’s an unstoppable friendship machine,” Hitoshi answers. “Plus, he’s secretly deeply weird.”

“You didn’t figure that out at the Sports Festival?”

“He’s secretly deeply weird in a fun way, not just a terrifying way.”

Aizawa sighs. “I’m not sure if I should be more worried about you corrupting him or him corrupting you.”

“Both,” Hitoshi says, and does his best impression of Aizawa’s creepiest smile.

He’s rewarded with an even deeper sigh. 

.

Hitoshi can’t deny he’s a little nervous about facing off against Bakugou. Bakugou has been getting somewhat better at managing not to respond to Hitoshi’s taunts, and Hitoshi’s hand to hand has been improving fast but Bakugou is still a dangerous opponent to fight effectively quirkless. 

Izuku pulls him aside right before he goes in. “Ask Kacchan how Hana-chan is doing lately.”

Hitoshi raises an eyebrow.

“Just say that, word for word. He’ll answer.” Izuku gives him a tiny, halfway to devious grin. 

Hitoshi can’t help grinning back as he pulls down his cowl. “Got it.”

It works like a charm, and afterwards Bakugou strides over to Izuku. “The fuck have you been saying to him, Deku?”

“Word for word what he said to you,” Izuku answers, and there’s some of his old nervousness there but not much. “I didn’t actually tell him anything. I just knew you’d assume I had and freak out.”

Bakugou growls. “I have embarrassing shit I can tell people about you, you know.”

“Sure, go ahead.” Izuku manages to look absolutely unphased in the way most guaranteed to piss Bakugou off, and sure enough he makes a wordless noise of rage.

“All’s fair in love and war,” Hitoshi says, and throws an easy arm around Izuku’s shoulders to lead him away. “You’re a genius and I’m buying you food,” he says to Izuku, as soon as they’re far enough away.

“You’re a genius,” Izuku answers. “The way you snagged that mine with your capture weapon! And oh, I had some thoughts about increasing agility in your costume design…”

.

Aizawa snags Izuku with his capture weapon and deposits him next to Hitoshi.

“Man, I can’t wait to be able to do that. With anyone, but especially you.”

“Why especially me?!”

“You’re so scoopable, just as a person.”

“I don’t know what that means!”

“Both of you get back to the dorms or you’re spending a week cleaning up the support course workshops.”

.

“Hey, so I had a thought.”

“Oh no.”

“So, your mom probably has embarrassing pictures of Bakugou as a little kid, right?”

“Hitoshi,” Izuku says, already so full of dread. 

“Just saying, I whip one of those out mid-battle and there’s no way he’s not letting me trip him with a brainwash.”

“Hitoshi!” Izuku repeats, face in his hands. “We’ll die.”

“Nah, did you see us in that last team game? We’re unstoppable together.”

Izuku eyes him, and even through the hands covering his face Hitoshi can see a pleased flush.

“So, about those pictures…”

“Hitoshiii!”

[newbornwhumperfly]

what water says as it plummets...

i'll be honest, fellas? 🥺💖🥺 this one is a plot point i'd built up for a long time and it sort of poured out of me all at once in this chapter 💖 it's a little rougher than i'd like due to sleepiness but i'm so happy to bring this character to my audience in this @whumpmasinjuly prompt - day 15: a soft reprieve - cause i'm sure you'll love her. 🥰

title insp. by the poem "interview" by jordan kapono nakamura - "i have extensive experience in studying what water says as it plummets..."

~

“Okay, honey, you can hop up on the table whenever you’re ready.”

Sarai has found that Morja, as a patient, generally prefers orders. That’s to be expected, for sure. It’s usually safer to be told what to do when you’re told what to do every day of your life and Morja has often frozen, still and quiet, when offered an option right away. So, the best way to start these appointments is to sort of sound like she’s telling him what to do. 

Every patient is different and has different needs from their doctor. In this way, every patient is the same.

Sure enough, Morja’s shoulders go down a notch from their raised tension as he hoists himself to sit on the bench. He’s been…less tense with each visit, especially recently. He even took one of the candies Sarai offered without protesting. 

But today, something is…different about Morja. Or, moreso, something is the same, some pattern that has been shifting is fixed, cold and solid, in place in Morja’s countenance.. There is a way that Morja holds himself, tight, rigid, that comes and goes, but there is something even worse that she’s observed - it was the dead, resigned bracing in his face when he first got an exam. It was as if he was locked in around the certainty of a terrible thing, his body merely a vessel which would carry whatever was to come. 

He looks like that now, his hands and the mass of scar tissue they hold not clenched loosely or folded politely, but laid palm-up in his lap, still but for the twitch of a finger, and it sends the familiar pulse of knowing down Sarai’s spine. 

Knowing isn’t the only thing that is pulsing in her body - the tidal wave is cresting earlier than usual. 

The familiar ocean of pain, her vision of it, has crept up on her, busy with setting up shop, with answering messages, with putting in another order that wasn’t refilled because prescriptions are delayed and not being a civilian is not much of a fucking advantage with medication the past two months. The whirlpool centers at her spine, radiating down the leg in a strong current, and she winces as she rubs her thigh. Okay, we’re doing things a little differently today. 

“Hey, Morja? Would it be okay if we did some of our appointment stuff on the couch today?” She thinks about leaving it at that. Remembers, with a slow, purposeful inhale, how vulnerability is a gift to others, as well as yourself. You’re not exempt from being nice to yourself, girl. “I’m having some, uh, bad pain today and I think the exam would be easier in my office, if that’s alright with you?”

At that, change ripples through Morja’s body. Under the industrially bright bulbs, his strained face falters, briefly, but what comes in place of listlessness is…a sort of determined expression. Not bracing, only…something, Sarai’s thinking wavers under the fog rolling off the water. It’s something. 

“Of- Yes, Doctor.”

The crinkle of the gown, the rustle of climbing off the table, the shuffle of feet in socks across the floor as Sarai turns herself towards her office. Luckily, her warm corner is only a few feet away and the couch beckons like a haven. It’s a shitty couch, sure, but military bases can’t be choosers and it’s new, which means its firmness holds up the parts of her body that need it. She actually sighs as she sinks down into the cushions, pats the neighboring cushion in a sit gesture. 

The careful exhale of breath beside her as Morja sits, careful and precise as he always is, tells her that the softness of cushion is a relief from the hard plastic of the table as much as the relief for her being off her feet is. She smiles at him to let him know his moves were right and lays her cane to rest against the companion side-table, stretching out her limbs to make room for the little streams of voltage pinpricking her skin from the inside. She can tell, now, just by the way he didn’t try to stand at attention, hands clasped behind his back, that she did the right thing. 

In the softening shadow of her purple-shaded lamp, Morja looks so small on the couch. For all his bulk, the muscle that has been so pounded into those broad shoulders, the wide torso hard and sturdy as a sack of potatoes, he doesn’t fill up the space much at all. Tucked into the corner, folded neatly, compact, trying not to draw attention. 

Sarai lifts the stethoscope, the warmed metal a comfort in hands that move with shaky slowness, deliberate and obvious when pressing it against Morja’s back, her murmured breathe in for me, please, now out, now in, very good a rhythm she could say in her sleep, her focus on the measure of his pulse. Listening to this man’s lungs make it impossible to not listen to other parts of his body. How the texture of scar rises to meet the shirt that covers it. How even those ridges are and how they rise with his breathing into her hand. There are so many. 

“Doctor?”

Sarai is almost startled by the sound of Morja’s voice. He is so quiet, often, in the examination room. She wonders if it is the softly-lit enclave of her office nook which prompts him to speak first or the intensity of whatever state he’s in. Sarai smoothly folds her hands in her lap, visible and also at a safe distance. 

“Yeah, Morja?” Her voice is slower, the tide catching up to her a little, dragging the lilt away a bit, and she doesn’t quite swallow back a wince at the depth her pain is dragging her voice down to. Morja doesn’t seem to get snagged on the roughness though, his body leaning forward, brow wrinkling up in an intense concentration expression and Sarai tries hard to be alert. She’s so glad there is no sterile smell or bright light to distract her. “What’s up?”

“...Your cane is…pretty. Why, Doctor?”

Damn. So it’s that kind of mood. Huh. 

Fuck, she’s watery, the pulsing little hammers at her temples, her knees, her back, are trying to pull her away from the conversation. But she breathes in, out, in a hum that lets him know she heard, she’s thinking. 

“Great question, Morja.” Sarai says softly, at last, making a rainwater of her voice, flowing with the pain and the rolling mists. Working with her body, not against it. The bright hues of the cane pull her focus and she lets that be her guide. She was feeling…blueish, today, and her blueberry earrings, her sea-deep dress, mirror the cobalt-on-white, delicate patterns on mimicking porcelain teacups, spiral up to the sturdy handle, its blue velvet cushion, anything but fragile as a dish. “Pretty things make me feel better. And…since my cane is me, ya know, it makes sense that it makes me feel better. I hurt a lot some days and, uh, I figure I deserve all the help I can get, so, gotta give it to myself.” 

Her gaze drifts back to Morja’s face and his eyes are deep wells that meet her own. A groove of emotion carved deep into the valleys and ridges, scar after scar, rough terrain hiding buried treasure. So dark in their brown they approach black and the color is what guides her brain again, guides her to recognize the furrow between those eyes, the shadows beneath. The spasm of pain in her chest is not from any illness, only an emotion. The weight of pretty as it fell out of his mouth is the weight of his body on this couch. A luxury Morja  (believes, so strongly believes he) can’t have. 

It only lasts a moment, less than a heartbeat, before Morja looks away and Sarai is unable to swim after it. She’s quite sure he never meant to look her in the eye. She’s quite sure that he wanted to. Morja’s mouth is no longer slack and a frown is an expression, better than nothing. 

The fog thickens around the corners of her eyes, head going all syrup again, thick sugar, bitter as burning caramel, and she breathes out, out, out through a cluster of needles up and down her neck. Fuuuuuuuck. The back of her head thumps against the wall, the darkness of her lids pressing back the dizziness. 

“Hey, Morja? I’m a little out of it- I’m okay, it’ll pass, but do you want to sit in here with me or sit in the exam room? No wrong answers, honey.” 

Her voice is a rumble in her chest and she breathes out the wince, the tremors rocking the tilt behind her lids precariously. 

“Can I…change back into my clothes?”

Oh, honey. 

Her lid cracks, as does the corner of her mouth, and though he’s blurry, she wants the sunlight of how pleased she is of him asking for a thing to break through her cloud of exhaustion. 

Fuck, her head hurts so much, but she’s proud and glad, ouch ouch ouch. 

“‘Course, Morja, gra’ me a can’y when y’get yourself on, pl’se...” 

The rustle of Morja leaving and returning is close together, time doing its foamy thing while she counts her breaths, but the press of a wrapped peppermint, round and crinkly, in her palm is so gentle. 

The couch sinks and settles into the shape of another body, doing the thing she is doing, leaning back into the firm crevices that hold you up. The soft-crunch sounds of the wrapper as she squeezes her fist around it, as Morja unwraps his own candy, as she tries to just kind of be as Morja is on the spot beside her. 

The office is dark and cool and quiet and they’re both in good company right now. 

“...It’s nice. The candy.” 

A flat whisper, halting and small and brave, fumbling across the inches in the dark. 

A flat answer fumbles back, warm and limping and still good enough to greet him.

“I'm glad, Morja. It's really nice.”

~

sincerely hoped you all enjoyed this venture into my story 🥺💖🥺 sarai baptiste is the team's medic who is stationed at base forthill and she's disabled and kind and badass as hell and deserves the world 😢💖✨😍

taglist: @much-ado-about-whumping @haro-whumps @whump-tr0pes @i-eat-worlds @wolfeyedwitch

@straight-to-the-pain @whump-me-all-night-long @redwingedwhump @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @whatgoeswhumpinthenight

@tears-and-lilies @whumping-every-day @whumpthisway @stoic-whumpee @liliability

@whumpster-draganies @whumpzone @suspicious-whumping-egg @lave-whump @kixngiggles

have a very merry @whumpmasinjuly everyone! 💖💖💖

@whumpmasinjuly-archive

[dangermousie]

Finished my rewatch of ep 2 of City Hunter and it really still holds up.

I love that he sees her throw a man over her shoulder in the first two minutes of their acquaintance and he is definitely intrigued. Honestly, so much of this ep is him being so smitten and not even realizing he is.

I mean, the last shot is after she knocked him over for kissing her as a means to dump his source of information after the information dried up and giving her cash for the trouble of the kiss. (She stuck money back at him and said "for treatment." )

But then there was this earlier - him making out with his target while watching Nana the whole time. Badwronghot.

(And of course the very fact that he's sleeping with someone he doesn't want for info. He may not want to carry out undaddy's murder plan with murder but he's certainly been trained to do a lot of things that are objectively fucked up and to treat himself as an instrument.)

The thing that strikes me so much on rewatch is just how AWFUL undaddy is in his plan. It's one thing to take out people he thinks wronged him and his dead partner. It's another one to use a baby you stole and to fuck him up and train him into a killing machine who will then unknowingly kill his own father. I mean, this was genuinely chilling:

He is meeting the President who he does not know is his father but who he also does not know is his final target. Not to mention his half-sister is checking him out and it's just so wrong wrong wrooooong. It could have all gone way more horrifically wrong than it already did.

In retrospect, it's so clear how undaddy is manipulating the hell out of him, leading him on with the hope that after this is over they can live a normal life. Undaddy told him the name of only one target, and that's the slimiest, least sympathetic one and says he'll tell him the names of the others and why he wants him in the Blue House later - you know what that is? That's grooming. He's slowly and methodically grooming him into an assassination machine via baby steps and that is effing creepy as hell and my wish for undaddy to be eaten by snakes and I am only sad it took as long as it did for him to meet his demise.

Trust you? Great idea. NOT.

It kills me just how kind YS tries to be even with his insane upbringing - he paid for Nana's father surgery, he was kind to those kids, and he wants to take down the target without murder. Oh, young man, you are gonna go through hell and a half in this drama.

Also, I love how even this early on, he is so gone for her. He knows she's the girl whose picture he fixated on in hell jungle. And what better way to angst than in the shower? Man, I miss those glorious old school angsty kdrama shower scenes.

But I think my favorite sequence in this whole ep and the one that speaks volumes is what happens after he goes to her apartment (after carrying her four flights of stairs since she sprained her ankle.) It's an almost throwaway moment but it says so much. He sees all these markings on the wall and asks her what the weird numbers and notches are all for and she explains, as one would to a somewhat dim small child, that this is how her family would measure her height every month, throughout her childhood, until she was 17. I liked it so much because in those few seconds it established both the warm, loving, thoroughly normal childhood Nana had and what a lack of one he had - that he has to have something this basic explained to him. And then his little pleased grin when he figures out exactly how tall she is in her bare feet compared to him and where she'd come up to on his chest - he's pretty much unknowingly in love with her to bits and so learning little things like that about her make him happy.

The thing that I love so much is that Nana doesn't have a charmed life - her father is in a vegetative state, her mother died in the same accident that made her father that way, and bank was close to taking away everything for debt. But she's had love and warmth and a solid foundation and so she's sunshine - but it's a choice for her and an affirmation, it's not because she's only known sweetness and light.

The scene where she explains the stickers is a very quiet scene I adored - in a way she's an inverse mirror of him. She has a dead parent and one parent who's as good as dead, but she's a good sunny person and not a mess like he is because she was brought up properly. And eventually his being around her drags him into normalcy, which is helped by the fact that he doesn't feel any personal urgency in vengeance. Yeah, all these people killed his supposed father but it's abstract to him - he's never even met the man. He will get rid of them because undaddy basically brainwashed him into it, but he doesn't have an emotional stake in their deaths (even if he has one in the outcome - getting to find his mother and living a normal life, which undaddy dangles like a carrot). However, he has an emotional stake in people he knows - Nana being one of them but other people as well (you can see later, her character basically draws him into interacting with others on personal levels).

You watch him be empathetic and you watch him be teasing and dorky about the ramen and you realize that his demeanor is not just a disguise - it's someone he'd like to be and possibly would have been except for undaddy. And that around her he lets his guard down and allows himself to be childish.

[theforbidfruit]

Random Things They Do

It’s a headcanon about La Squadra x Platonic Reader. I made the reader GN This is the first time in forever since I wrote any fanfics and headcanons so I hope it’s decent at least.

{warning:cursing and teasing with a hint of bullying}

It’s been a year since you joined La Squadra and things have been good for you and your new family Of course it’s a tough job to kill people for the boss, who doesn’t appreciate you all, but y’all made it work.

Now…. It’s the shit they pulled that sometimes gets on your nerves. Of course you and the guys know when it’s the right time to be fooling around and be serious.

You joined in a year after Pesci Joined which means you are counted as ‘newbie’, ‘kid’, and ‘little sis/bro’ depends on which assassin you’re teamed up with. Or having a conversation with. Even if you did a big job by yourself, they are still calling you kid’ because of your age and starting date. Until someone new joins in.

But that’s too rare these days.

This plays a role of the teasing you have been receiving by each of the members.

Formaggio likes to shrink you in your sleep and put you in a dollhouse that he owns. Tucking you in a makeshift bed with cotton balls as pillows. He would put you in a headlock to mess up your hair. Loves to snack on your favorite chips when you’re gone on a mission then feels bad. Goes to the store to buy you a new bag of chips.

Illuso, when he’s bored, goes to the mirror realm and waits for you to come home to scare you. Beware if you do makeup, doing eyeliner is overwhelming as it is. He gets enjoyment out of scaring you. Feels bad if you cry and leaves you a sorry fog in your mirror.

Prosciutto is like a brother but he breaks down your confidence without even realizing it. Same treatment as he does with Pesci except he gets a bit too old school for your liking. Instead of apologizing for making you upset, he gives you a pep talk, a drink or his pack of cigarettes. He does love to say ‘my dumb kid’ to you alone.

Pesci is top notch the best boy! He tried to tease you like the others but fall back right away. But he has a different type of teasing. He would be the type of brother that would bust into your room while you’re chilling in bed, and stands there till you get annoyed with him not saying anything. He comes in to stand and stare at you before leaving without a word.

Melone being Melone would sneak into your room and trash the place. Clothes and your bedsheets are scattered all over your room. Why? Because he was looking to borrow your lilac top and nail polish. Surprisingly he gives you boundaries if you’re Afab. He wants to know if you’re fertile but cuts it out when he sees that it made you uncomfortable. Likes to sip coffee and talk shit with you

Ghiaccio yells at you for one reason or another. Coming down the stairs loudly? STOP THAT! humming a song? GO HUM SOMEWHERE ELSE! trips while chasing your target? YOU CLUMSY FUCK! But he gives you a piggyback ride while chasing after the target. Is actually sweet when you two are alone. Don’t say anything, he likes to heal you after a hard mission.

Now I don’t who started it but Sorbet and Gelato like to throw air punches at you. And it’s sooooo annoying and scary at the same time. Gelato tends to punch too close and his punches leaves you with dark bruises. Sorbet like to do it when you are focusing on something or watching tv. Get to the point where they would follow you to your room and double air punches you till you snapped at them. Later would come in with extra blankets wanting to have a sleepover.

Risotto is a serious man. He’s a go to for whenever you need to get away from the guys. You would go into his office and say that you can help with organizing papers. He takes it as the guys are bothering you and let’s you be. One thing that he does and it’s rare,is when he comes to your room to brief you with something. before he leaves the room, he would knock off this beanie baby doll off the shelf and leaves without a word. And it’s the same beanie baby doll that he would always knock over no matter where you put it.

[lemonsrosesandlavender]

Do you have any writing advice for a new aspiring writer of smutty tiefling fanfiction? I just want to smash my barbies together and share the results with the world!

First things first, I’m very flattered to be asked for writing advice! Thank you so much ❤️ And smut in particular? Hell yeah.

Before we proceed: all of this advice is given with a heavy dose of what I like to write and read, so if you think “but I like stories that do that!” then that is entirely valid. I can only speak from my own perspective.

Disclaimers out of the way, let’s get started!

1. First things first, and perhaps most vital: write what turns you on, without apology. When I started writing Sharp Teeth, I felt kind of embarrassed about how dominant I (and thus my reader insert) felt towards Rolan. So I hedged. After writing that Tav wanted to pull Rolan’s hair, I wrote that she wanted him to do that to her too; when I wrote her wanting to throw Rolan on a counter and fuck him, I appended that she wanted to be possessed by Rolan too. Looking back on it now, it’s a testament to how much more comfortable I’ve become talking about my kinkiness, but it definitely diluted the vibe of what I was truly wanting to portray, and readers could probably tell it was half-hearted. I wanted Tav in CONTROL damn it.

(Note: before this comes off as “don’t write switching”, that is not at all what I mean. It goes for all flavours. If what you want to write is soft sensuality, don’t get embarrassed, feel like it’s too sickly and shove in a “take it, slut” or whatever. If you want to write your pairing switching like mad, do that and don’t water it down! Basically, listen to your own feelings. Embarrassment will try to creep in and hold your fingers from the keyboard at just the moment you find most exquisitely hot, because sharing that is vulnerable. Notice it, and write the thing anyway - delete that diluting sentence about how she only wants to pull his hair gently, if you want her to pull it hard!)

2. Horny daydreams baby. If it gets you off, write it down. What’s the moment in your fantasies that makes you feral? That is MATERIAL. (This is a beneficial loop: daydreams beget writing beget daydreams. Whether you ever think about anything else again is up to you.) It doesn’t have to be a complete story, just the moment that makes you go… nnnhhh. This is kind of just an addendum to the previous one but truly, this is just how my process works. Prompts are harder to write than the contents of my own fantasies, in my experience.

3. In terms of planning/working on an idea: I tend to have a “climax” point in mind for my smut, then work out how this scenario is kicking off in the first place, and then fill in the gaps. (That’s just the planning though, I write fairly linearly).

Somewhere between the flirting/lead up to sex and the sex itself, there will be a point of no-horny-return, and if you try to take the tension down a notch after that point the story will lose its sizzle. Fortunately, this is usually easily fixed by moving bits around!

(This happened to me in Combat Training C2: it was a fic with a lot of sparring and role play, but I returned to “serious” sparring after turning the tension way up and the scene immediately fell flat on its face. But with a little reworking, I managed to both convey the character beat (that Rolan and Tav had learnt from each other and would be more prepared for their next battle) and dial up the sexual tension smoothly.)

4. Beware of writing overly mechanically. I’m saying this because I have totally done it! Yes, you generally want to avoid the “three hands” situation that gets joked about a lot (where you haven’t accounted for a character’s limbs and suddenly it seems like they’ve got an extra one). But sometimes it’s ok to just mention them flopping onto a bed or chair in a room without accounting for the fact that it’s there first, or simply say that a character has undressed if you don’t want to linger on them stripping. You don’t need to write in specific limb movements if they’re not super sexy (but technically happening), and you don’t need to write a character picking something up before they use it. Context can do a lot of work!

(… if they’re out in the forest, THEN you need to explain where that bed came from).

(Although I will say, trying to picture the scene in more accurate detail than you’re writing can create some juicy inspiration. Wondering if Rolan’s horns would allow him to rest comfortably in that position? What if they rip the sheets or scratch the floor or catch his lover’s cheek?)

5. Related to “write what you want”: Do not feel like you have to write sex correctly. Smut is gloriously untethered from the bounds of real life, and if you love a bit of cervix pounding, stomach-bulging filth, have at it and don’t apologise. You don’t need to care about contraception and safe sex unless you want to: this is not a sex ed class. You do not have to write SSC BDSM: this is not a sex ed class. Tag and go forth.

(Relatedly, these topics are also make or break for character and vibe sometimes. Health-anxious character in cute first-time fluff? Probably going to want to use protection. Two lovers fucking the night before they think they’re going to die in battle? Probably do not care, and it will spoil the reckless, feral vibe if we stop for a PSA about condom use.)

Consent is often implied through context and subtext. It can be made very explicit, if you want, but it’s also fine to simply show how into it your characters are, how they tease each other and nod and offer up suggestions. If it’s an established relationship, this goes double; it’s easy to infer that this is something the characters have done before without explicitly discussing that! (This is also assuming you’re writing consent; the long history of ravishment in published romance speaks to the fact this is not required lol).

6. Back to more mechanical-level writing stuff: linger in a mood, moment and action. A smut fic can encompass several different moods and sex/kink acts, but pay attention to how you transition between them. If you're oscillating between sweet and nasty ever other sentence, you probably want more consistency. It's an oft-repeated writing tip, but the five senses are your friends, and get specific. The gentle give of ridged skin beneath probing fingers; the sweet smell of campfire smoke; the gloss of tears over jet-black eyes and the taste of red wine on someone else's tongue. (… don’t necessarily do ALL the senses at once but you get what I mean!).

7. And finally one more: feelings. Give this filth feelings. How long have they wanted this? How hot do they think their partner looks right now? Are they feeling romantic or sadistic, feral or cuddly? Did they expect to feel this way, and what do they think it says about their relationship? New love and pent-up tension is obviously great and popular, but I also love exploring shame and conflict, illustrating characters taking risks, trusting each other, exploring new things…

Sex sits at a nexus of all sorts of beliefs our characters have about themselves and what they want. How do they react? Does the sex reinforce those beliefs or change them? It is possible to write hot smut without much of this at all but generally, give your readers a reason to care. (YES this spanking is an expression of Rolan’s character arc, goddamn it.)

Those are my best tips, I think, abstract and rambling as they may be. I hope this was helpful; the no1 writing tip of all time is, of course, to JUST DO IT. Good luck!

[world0fmadness]

DIRTHOUSE

brandon “ badger ” mayhew x reader

♡ nsfw alphabet for badger!

୨୧ sighhh, this is making me want to rewatch all of his scenes in breaking bad <3

♡ requested by anon | related hc available here | view my tv and movie masterlist here

reading music recommendations: dirthouse by static x - stitches by orgy

* 18 + content, please do not read if you’re a minor *

a = aftercare ( what they’re like after sex )

♡ badger is pretty attentive when it comes to aftercare! he might be very sleepy after sex but he will not sleep until he knows you’re okay…

୨୧ he’ll flop down beside you and throw his head back as he breathes deeply before tilting his head to look at you and ask if you want something to eat or drink

b = body part ( their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s )

♡ badger absolutely loves your boobs! not matter their size, he loves watching them bounce and holding them in his hands whilst you fuck, he really likes laying his head on them after sex too!

୨୧ i can see badger being a little bit self conscious of himself but he probably likes his hands! he likes how they look when holding your boobs and gripping your hips, not to mention when you suck his fingers, woah

c = cum ( anything to do with cum, basically )

♡ badger really likes giving you a cream pie, he gets completely mesmerised by the slight of his cum slowly dripping out of your cunt after cumming inside of you! he thinks you look straight of a grade A porno after he does it

୨୧ after a blowiob though, he likes giving you a facial then wiping some of his cum up on his fingers and letting you suck them

d = dirty secret ( pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs )

♡ when you guys first met and before you began dating, badger had a major crush on you…

୨୧ i mean, his crush wasn’t much of a secret but what he did in his spare time related to you? that was definitely a secret! badger would seek out porn featuring women who looked like you, of course he never thought they were prettier than you but they were the closest thing he had to seeing you naked until you began dating

e = experience ( how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing? )

♡ i feel like badger was either a virgin or had very few sexual experiences before you!

୨୧ at most, he’d probably had a couple lousy sexual experiences before you like a handjob in high school and such! you gave him his true first times for everything

f = favourite position ( this goes without saying )

♡ his favourite position is cowgirl, very closely followed by doggy style!

୨୧ he just thinks they’re the comfiest positions for when you guys are high and the view he gets when in the cowgirl position is “ top notch ” in his own words, he loves watching your tits bounce softly and being able to easily reach up to play with them

g = goofy ( are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc )

♡ badger would definitely be a little goofy during sex! when he’s high, you’ll share little giggles about literally nothing

୨୧ seriously, he’ll start giggling for no reason whilst you’re riding him and just not answer when you ask what he’s laughing at, only looking up at you with a goofy smile which causes you to laugh with him

h = hair ( how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? )

♡ his pubes are dark brown and slightly curly!

୨୧ he shaves enough to be hygienic and so that his pubes won’t irritate you when you’re sucking him off but he hates the feeling of being fully shaved down there

i = intimacy ( how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect )

♡ badger is romantic in his own way! he’s probably not going to lay rose petals on the bed or set the lights down low but he tries his best

୨୧ he’s more verbally romantic in the way that he’ll mumble praising words towards you and tell you he loves you whilst fucking you, laying soft kisses across your skin whilst thrusting

j = jack off ( masturbation headcanon )

♡ badger probably masturbated quite a bit before getting with you!

୨୧ but after getting with you, he doesn’t do it very often anymore! only ever masturbating when you’re not with him and he can’t be with you for whatever reason

k = kink ( one or more of their kinks )

♡ badger has a thing for role play and costumes! i mean, he probably forgets about the role play part the second his cock is inside of you but he likes it for some foreplay… please, dress up as one of his favourite characters from a video game or movie, he will lose it and blush so red

୨୧ not exactly a kink but badger really likes having sex with you whilst high! it just heightens his senses so much and makes you feel even better to him, he feels like he’s in heaven when fucking you whilst high

l = location ( favorite places to do the do )

♡ his favourite places are your shared bed, the couch and your car if you have one!

୨୧ though i’d be lying if i said he hasn’t ate you out on the kitchen counter from time to time, often dropping to his knees as you sit atop the cold surface, kissing your thighs before eating your cunt like a starved man

m = motivation ( what turns them on, gets them going )

♡ being high is a number one motivation for him, he gets so horny for you when he’s high! he cannot keep his eyes and hands off of you, he always wants to make out with you and fuck you when high

୨୧ other than that, he probably always gets a little horny when you wear revealing clothes! he’s just a dude… if you wear a short skirt or shorts, a low cut top or a tank top, he will be staring unless you’re uncomfortable with it of course!

n = no ( something they wouldn’t do, turn offs )

♡ badger could never and would never hurt you, it’s just not something he can get into!

୨୧ you’ve probably asked him to choke you once and he just couldn’t, getting scared after five seconds and quickly pulling his hand back, going into a ramble about how he feels like he’s a serial killer who’s about to kill you

o = oral ( preference in giving or receiving, skill )

♡ badger doesn’t have a preference here! it’s a split 50 / 50 with him… he loves eating you out and loves when you suck him off!

୨୧ it’s another thing he really loves to do when he’s high, he’ll sit back on the couch with a blunt in his hand whilst you suck him off, one of his hands coming down to stroke your hair and he throws his head back against the headrest, smoke dew filling the room

p = pace ( are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? )

♡ well, when he’s taking you from behind, badger definitely goes slow and steady! taking hits of his blunt in between thrusts into you from behind, slowly pulling his cock almost all the way out of you before thrusting deeply back into your cunt as you bury your face into the pillow

୨୧ when you’re on top, he likes a faster pace! he’ll hold your hips and help you bounce faster on his cock, admiring you from below with hazy eyes, please smoke a blunt whilst riding him… he thinks it’s hot as fuck

q = quickie ( their opinions on quickies, how often )

♡ he thinks quickies are fine! i mean, he’s not going to say no if you want to ride his cock in the car now, is he?

୨୧ but he probably wouldn’t like quickies in super risky places, the car is the riskiest he’ll do! he does not want to get arrested with his dick out…

r = risk ( are they game to experiment? do they take risks? )

♡ as i just mentioned, he won’t take crazy risks with locations and such! he’d be so so so embarrassed if you guys got caught and would never live it down with jesse and skinny pete constantly cracking jokes about it

୨୧ but he’s definitely more open to experiment with new positions and such!

s = stamina ( how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last? )

♡ badger can probably last about three rounds at most but they’re not crazy long rounds at all!

୨୧ he doesn’t last super long to be honest, especially when he’s high, he’ll only last about half an hour each round but with his size it’s usually not an issue at all

t = toys ( do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves? )

♡ he probably has a pair of fluffy handcuffs that skinny pete got him as a gag gift or something! he doesn’t use them often but he finds them really funny when he’s high, he’d probably want you to use them on him rather than him on you

୨୧ i feel like badger would like butt plugs too, he thinks they’re pretty and are working you up to doing anal with him which he can’t wait for

u = unfair ( how much they like to tease )

♡ badger cannot tease, he just can’t! he sees it as a total waste of time and he’s just not great at it

୨୧ he doesn’t mind you teasing him a little bit though, he’ll chuckle softly if you’re purposely going slow with taking your clothes off or kissing your way down his stomach

v = volume ( how loud they are, what sounds they make )

♡ badger is pretty loud! he lets out a lot of deep moans and some curse words under his breath, maybe even some whines when he’s high

୨୧ he was probably pretty embarrassed about his moans when you first got together and would apologise a lot during sex, he’ll still quickly apologise after a really loud moan even after you’ve told him you like hearing his moans

w = wild card ( a random headcanon for the character )

♡ i feel like there’s a chance badger is bisexual…

୨୧ he probably doesn’t fully realise it either, he mentions to you a lot how he finds a male character super attractive in a show you’re watching together and how he had crushes on male band members as a teenager but thought that was just normal, he has some major sexuality confusion when you tell him he might just be bisexual

x = x-ray ( let’s see what’s going on under those clothes )

♡ badger is probably about 6.5 inches, his cock has girth too!

୨୧ he has a really thick vein running down his cock that feels heavenly inside of you too

y = yearning ( how high is their sex drive? )

♡ when he’s not high, badger has a pretty average sex drive, only having sex about twice a week, maybe more if it’s been a good week

୨୧ but when he’s high, it’s a whole different story! he’s very very very needy when he’s high, he can’t keep his hands away from you and you always have sex whilst high

z = zzz ( how quickly they fall asleep afterwards )

♡ badger is a pretty sleepy dude in general so it doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep after sex at all, especially if it was some high sex!

୨୧ once he knows you’re taken care of and going to sleep too, he’ll cuddle up into you and quickly fall asleep as you play with his messy hair

[mrsarnasdelicious]

Lukas Nowak NSFW Alphabet

A = After (what they’re like after sex)

Expect nothing of him. Lukas will probably leave you to clean up on his own to go have a smoke of just straight up leave.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Cock and eyes.

On you it is your tits, your thighs and your hair.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Is a shooter, cums the average amount. He loves creaming your pie and watching it leak out, but cum marking is defo a special treat to him.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He fantasizes of you taking 'revenge' on him, dominating the shit out of him. He is not sure if he really wants this, or if it is just an interesting concept to turn around in his brain.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He defo knows what he is doing. He has plenty of notches on his belt and he has practised more than his fiar share of kinks.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

FACE DOWN ASS UP.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Not really. He is very serious and even a little mean,

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Carpet, which carpet??? He has no body hair to speak of.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Ehw, yuck, love. Lukas does not want you to know he's growing attached to you. Let alone that he enjoys some of your affection.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Naturally. If you are not available, he will help himself, quick and dirty.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Choking, Humiliation, spanking, overstim, edging, begging and deep throating.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Car, Bed and any flat surface to lay you while he stands over you.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Anger, the need to assert him in situations that he cannot control, when you get angry with him, when you wear skimpy clothes, when you show him your tits. You know, the usual.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Scat/Vom, Fisting and DDLG

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Hell yeah! He gets insane gratification from orally dominating you. Be it by fucking your throat until you are gasping fro air or tying you down and eating your pussy until you are sobbing.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Fast and Rough, every single time. There is just no holding him back. Once he is horny, he will fucking wreck you.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Y E S. Every opportunity he gets to fuck you, he will take. Especially if it enables him to skip elaborate foreplay. He just want to fuck.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

OBVI! He is defo one for risky kinks. He goes into things head first, regardless of risk.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Young man is fit. He can go go and keep going. For five, six rounds.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Nah fam. Tho once he noticed you use toys without him, you bet he is going to torture you with them.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

HUGE TEASE. He will never be a nice man, even in bed.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He is a grunter/groaner and he is quite loud.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Lukas has a scar on his cock from getting the skin caught in his zipper.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Guy is hung. He got that perfect porn cock and balls to match it. Aesthetically responsible peen!

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Super high, he can defo go for multiple rounds a day/night.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

If he stays, he has a cig, a beer and then lays down to catch some zzzs.

[girl4music]

Have I ever written about how much I love the episode ‘Wild At Heart’? I mean in-depth? Comprehensively?

No? Okay, let’s do that. Prepare for a long rant on what is without a doubt, for me, the most compelling and well-written episode of the whole damn show.

And ironically enough Buffy is barely in it…

What stands out to me the most about ‘Wild At Heart’ is the exploration of the motif ‘The Beast’. Now they’ve done this several times before in the 3 previous seasons before it. Season 1’s ‘The Pack’, Season 2’s ‘Innocence’, and of course Season 3’s ‘Beauty And The Beasts’. It’s a recurring idea designed to make you stop and think deeper. And even later than Season 4, some of Spike’s centric episodes also do very well in exploring this motif.

However, what Season 4’s ‘Wild At Heart’ does is shows you something different. You’re now getting to see through the perspective of ‘The Beast’. Oz is ‘The Beast’ in this narrative. Or rather Oz’s werewolf ID is. But the narrative really goes deep in investigating as to whether there are 2 entirely different and separate ID’s fighting for dominance within Oz. Or just 1 ID that is just confused or even brainwashed about his true nature. The episode’s antagonist, Veruca, brings up the point of view that Oz is the werewolf all the time but has just been domesticated, and therefore blindly believes that he is human all the time and just has a condition of which he can keep in control of and sever himself from. Now because Veruca is the antagonist, we’re supposed to just take what she says to him with a grain of salt because she’s only saying it to lure him to her side, to her world, to being a creature of the night like she is. Oz doesn’t want to believe or even accept Veruca’s point of view about how his true nature is the wolf and his humanity is the falsity.

Now before I get into why this episode is fucking fantastic to me as far as what I can learn from it, I want to ask a question: Is Veruca wrong for telling Oz this? Or let’s go even further: Is Veruca evil for trying to convince Oz through selfish methods that he cannot sever himself from the wolf because her point of view is that she and he is actually the wolf full time?

You see, I don’t think she is. In fact that’s what I find most intriguing and compelling about ‘Wild At Heart’. No one is evil. No one is wrong. Every perspective given or that we experience through the characters is a valid perspective worth study and debate. It’s worth considering and opening our minds to the possibility that Veruca might actually be right about Oz, or at least herself. And what truly makes me open my mind to Veruca’s perspective is what Oz does to Veruca at the climax of the episode. He kills her to protect the woman he loves. Willow. He does something he has never vowed to do in order to protect the love of his life. Kill for her. He decides, as the human, to kill Veruca. Sure, the killing itself happens while he is in werewolf form. But to me, that only validates her point of view even further. Because where then does the line between human and werewolf lie? And that’s what Oz learns. It’s devastating but it is a conflict within him that would come up sooner or later even if Veruca didn’t make an appearance. And thus, he has to make the very difficult decision to leave or stay, stating that very same sentiment. Where is the line?

That final interaction and conversation between Oz and Willow - which by the way, Alyson’s acting here is fucking phenomenal. Specifically her tear work is top notch! She fucking kills me when I see her crying through her lines of dialogue in this scene. She’s an amazing performer as far as showing emotional vulnerability whilst in the midst of dialogue goes - But back to the subject before praising Hannigan’s acting abilities. That conversation they have where Oz has made up his mind on leaving without consulting Willow first. It’s easy to see how Oz is selfish for doing this and maybe he is. However, I can completely sympathise with his situation and respect his decision to leave Willow and to leave Sunnydale completely. I’ve actually argued this perspective in response to an earlier post on Tumblr about Angel never staying with Buffy when shit goes down between them and how he is selfish for it but instead used Tara as the example to argue in Angel’s defence. And it didn’t occur to me at the time that Oz was actually the better example because Oz is ‘The Beast’ in the narrative - just like Angel is. Using Tara actually didn’t make all that much sense now that I think about it because it’s the OTHER PERSON that is ‘The Beast’ in the narrative with their situation. It’s Willow. Not Tara. But anyway - the reason to use Tara as the example in coming to Angel’s defence was because I don’t believe it to be selfish. I don’t believe it to be wrong. I don’t believe it to be evil. Either in Angel’s case with him leaving Buffy, in Oz’s case with him leaving Willow, in Xander’s case with him leaving Anya. And especially not in Tara’s case with her leaving Willow. Why? Because commitment and loyalty and even love… I guess, - it’s very difficult to put any of that above the real risk that you might hurt the one you love or anyone innocent for that matter if you stick around them. If you stay with them. If your presence poses a potential threat and danger. And being the one that has to leave in that case is a very complex predicament to be in that cannot be simply put down to selfishness vs selflessness or right vs wrong or good vs evil. There’s so much more information to take into account with being in situations like this, and from the outside-looking-in, it’s just so easy to pick a side to pick on rather than consider the validness of all sides or the perspectives/point-of-views of all the characters and weigh the pros and cons of what matters more at that particular moment in time. Of what prevents the risk.

I guess another reason why I thought it best to use Tara as an example in defending Angel’s choice to leave Buffy and his reasoning for doing so was because she’s a female. Because you see all the other examples I’ve given above are male… and let me just say,… it’s extremely hard for me to argue the ‘selfless’ perspective because it’s always a male that leaves the female ‘for their own good’. It gets into ‘misogyny’ and ‘mansplaining’ and all sorts of irrelevant shit that actually has nothing to do with what’s even going on in the situation in the episode! The gender identity politics that get brought up whenever I attempt to talk about the complex and usually negative events in “BtVS’ when it involves a male character in any capacity leaving a female character are insane to me and the conversation turns into something else entirely and the perspective I’m trying to argue goes places I never intend it to go. I’m talking about the themes, the situations, the experiences, the narratives and my genuine interest in it all. I’m not talking about male vs female. I’m arguing for a side and in defence of a CHARACTER, not a gender! We can certainly talk about why we believe a character is wrong or evil or selfish or questionable… whatever. But as soon as it hits gender identity politics, I’m out! Because that’s just not what I’m trying to get across when arguing the ‘selfless’ perspective. So I chose Tara as the example to avoid all of that. And to be honest, it never occurred to me to choose Oz at all.

But Oz does have a somewhat similar situation to Angel in that he is still a beast and this beast is an alter ego of sorts that is separated from the soul. And in much the same way, his emotions and hormones and feelings are tethered to Willow and his love for her. And at the same time, those same emotions, hormones and feelings are what trigger ‘The Beast’ to come out of its cage. But ‘Wild At Heart’ does make you really question and analyze the point of view that maybe there really isn’t a line between ‘The Beast’ and the soul, the werewolf and the human, the selfless vampire and the selfish monster. Or if there really is… then it’s not a line that can be consciously traversed. It takes immense self-awareness, self-discovery, self-growth, self-discipline to come to stand at that line were it even visibly there to see… and actively choose not to cross it over being shoved right into it due to unforeseen and uncontrollable circumstances or just plain bad luck. I’m not excusing the sinful actions that occur as a result but I am trying to pay more attention with a neutral and unbiased mindset. I am trying to keep an open mind. ‘Wild At Heart’ provokes my thoughts to the point where I am debating in my own head (we INTPs tend to do that a lot) as to whether to agree with Oz or agree with Willow or even agree with Veruca. I can’t make up my own mind. All I know when I watch it is that I cannot fault anyone for what happens in it… and that that’s the reason why I think it’s the most well-written storyline in ‘BtVS’. Because the best written art/entertainment to me does make me question and assess my own thoughts, feelings and opinions constantly on an endless loop. If it doesn’t make me do that - it’s so dull and quite the chore to get through. I find myself waiting for it to end. Not so with material that provokes my thoughts. And much of ‘BtVS’ does, I admit. But ‘Wild At Heart’ is a whole other entity when it comes to that. It’s just got so many layers to it and everything that goes on is high drama but so nuanced and unstated that part of the reason to watch it again and again is just to pick up on detail or insight that I’ve never noticed before. As all of my favourite art/entertainment makes me do.

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | Beyond the Darkness (D'Amato, 1979)

It goes without saying, but Goblin's score for this is great. It's got some of the proggier DNA of their '70s work, but also with a more pronounced sense of funk like they'd hone in their soundtrack for Tenebre, a driving sense of momentum, and lots of top notch computer beeping and booping. There is one track here that sounds like something by Weather Report, and others that sound like you layered Kraftwerk's Computer World on top of an Italo Disco album. Listen, some of this is probably word salad, but I'm bad at discussing music so this is the best you're gonna get. Anyway, because I was listening to the soundtrack yesterday, I got a hankering to revisit this, especially as I've warmed up to or, more accurately, developed a greater fascination with Joe D'Amato.

What I will say about this, aside from praising the soundtrack, is that it has two great bits of casting. One is Cinzea Monreale, as the deceased wife of the protagonist, as well as her twin sister. Monreale in The Beyond imbued her blind oracle with a great deal of warmth, empathy and poignancy despite the movie around her being so punitive in its violence. Here, most of her screentime is spent playing dead and the rest is spent reminding of you of somebody who's supposed to be dead, but I think that innate warmth serves her well in rendering her characters' psychological impact. There isn't much in the way of the warm and fuzzies in this movie, so there's added weight on her shoulders here.

The other is Franca Stoppi as the protagonist's maid, who seems pretty eager to both assist in his crimes and indulge his more outre desires. Stoppi's severe facial features, with her harshly sculpted cheekbones, jawline and nose, serve her well in playing villainous characters. Although speaking for myself, despite her being ugly-coded, I find her quite striking looking. And this is probably TMI, but you're already a few paragraphs deep into this review so fuck you, you're gonna have to deal with it, but because her character is so unabashedly kinky, I found her really hot in this. But yeah, I liked her a lot here and in The Other Hell, which I suspect is as conventionally good as a Bruno Mattei movie gets. She doesn't appear to have too many other movie roles and most of the other notable ones look to be for other Mattei movies, so perhaps I'll have to give them a look at some point.

All that being said, I didn't like this movie very much when I last saw it and I still don't. I really think it comes down to the protagonist. Kieran Canter has some pretty striking eyes, but he plays the protagonist slack-jawed and bozo-like. Given all the weird and kinky and gross things that the character does (gorehounds will appreciate how gnarly the violence is; a bit where he pulls a victim's fingernails had me wincing pretty hard, plus there's some classic D'Amato face trauma), he needs an obsessive, off kilter quality to make him work. The obvious comparison is the nervy energy Anthony Perkins brings to Psycho, which is a clear inspiration for this movie. And I think D'Amato miscalculates with his matter of fact handling of the proceedings. In this respect, this feels like a predecessor to Absurd, with which this also shares the dark and grey countryside ambience, but I think the bluntness and rigidity of the approach works better in the context of a pure slasher, where the clinical look at the violence compounds the sense of brutality. Here, the fact that the violence is coloured by the protagonist's kinks and obsessions means that it begs to implicate us, and the distance with which D'Amato captures it does anything but.

[classic-horny]

(in this scenario i guess i’m medics assistant or like another doctor or something. also this is mmpp, im just capitalizing letters because it looks better LOL)

I watch you strip naked in the medbay, blue and black clothes landing in an untidy pile.

“Ready for your examination?”

You seem unsure. “Uhh.. what’s this for again?”

“You’ll see. Hop on the stretcher for me and lay down.”

You trust me. I’m a doctor after all. You lie down obediently.

“Good! I’m going to put the restraints on now.”

“The wh-?” Your eyebrows shoot up as I buckle soft leather straps around your wrists, ankles and waist. They won’t hurt you no matter how hard you struggle. You won’t struggle, of course- not yet. You know if you’re good you might get a reward.

I take a moment to let my eyes linger on your muscular body. Your legs are spread slightly by the ankle restraints and your face reddens as you become acutely aware of just how exposed you are.

“Get on with this… exam shit, will ya? I feel vulnerable.”

“Tch. Impatient.”

I take your chin in my hands, choosing to start my examination at the top and work downwards. I open your mouth, checking your sharp teeth and ghosting a few fingers over your soft wet tongue.

I move on, feeling the muscles of your neck, your shoulders, watching your arms tense up as my fingertips reach your pecs. My hands are quickly followed by my mouth- I dip my head down to lick and suck at your nipples.

“Hey!” You blush even more deeply. This obviously feels good to you. “The hell are you- mmh- doing!?”

“Just making sure everything is in working order!” I chirp, pretending not to notice your cock quickly hardening.

I keep going with the exam, feeling your stomach, taking great pleasure in squishing the fat and muscle around. I get a firm grip on your hips- no good reason, just checking them- and move on to your legs. Your face is redder than the enemy team’s uniforms, and your cock is fully hard now. It is a very pretty sight. It’s long and thick, glowing a lovely pink at the tip, and I can see a bead of precum starting to appear.

When my exploring hands reach your inner thighs, you tense up even more and I hear you whisper something. I look innocently up at you from between your legs.

“What?”

“Please…”

I smirk. “Please what?”

You struggle against the bonds in frustration. “You know what I mean, asshole! Please… please touch my cock. I need it. Please.” The bead of pre lazily drips onto your stomach.

I take my sweet time pretending to mull it over, knowing that waiting is just about torture for you right now. “Mmm, I suppose as your doctor it is my duty to relieve your ailments, and you do look painfully hard right now…” I flick the tip of your cock, eliciting a yelp. You’re panting now, blushing deeper than I’ve ever seen.

“The next examination happens to involve touching you there. It’s… a resilience test of sorts.

There is one rule though. You must not cum until I say you can- it’ll mess up my results. Can you do that? Can you be good?”

“Yes, yes, please, I’ll be so good, please just touch me.” You’re nodding your head so vigorously that I worry for the safety of your neck.

I retrieve a nearby surgical tray and pick up a bottle of lube off of it. After snapping on a pair of gloves and pouring out some lube, I slowly push a finger into you. I probe around your insides cautiously and you don’t react much at first, shifting a little and breathing through your nose until-

“Oh, fuck! Shit!”

I grin to myself, adding another finger and focusing on hitting that sensitive spot until your eyes roll back and your body goes limp. I can see you mouthing things- “Fuck, shit, oh god, fuck, it feels so good-“ and decide to take it up a notch.

Moving to the surgical tray again, I select a plug and lube it up. Your legs shudder a little at the cold metal stretching you out, bigger than my fingers had been. I give you a moment to get used to it, then without warning I click a button on a remote in my other hand.

You give a strangled yell and thrash like an electric current is flowing through you, gasping out- “Oh god, oh god, I’m gonna cum, don’t turn it off, let me cum please I wanna cum-“ and I shut off the vibrations. You slump back down onto the stretcher, chest heaving.

“You did wonderful!” I coo, admiring the little puddle of precum now dripping onto your stomach. “Are you ready for the next test?”

“Yes..” you get out. You’re almost whining, and I’m not even touching you. Marvelous!

I grab the lube again, pouring a generous amount directly onto your cock just to see you take in a sharp breath from the coldness.

“Remember, no cumming.”

I set my hand on your dick, stroking steadily to slick the lube all over it. you give a pathetic whine. “Please-“

“Mm-mm. I said no.” I pull my hand away.

“No, god, I’m sorry, I’ll be good,” you cry out. You look so desperate that I take pity on you. I resume stroking you at a leisurely pace. Click! the vibrations from the plug come back, albeit much lower. I hear you emit a low, breathy moan.

“You really like this huh? Being treated like a little experiment, tied down and toyed with?”

“Fuck… yeah, I- I do,” you whimper, so humiliated you’re almost unable to look me in the eyes. “I’m getting close.”

“I told you not to cum, remember?”

“Keep touching me like this and I won’t have a choice! I can’t… I can’t hold it back very well.”

“That’s why I said this was a test of resilience! I’m going to see how far I can push you before you just go pop-“ and on “pop,” I flick your cock again, right on the sensitive pink head. You grit your teeth, I think to stop yourself from shouting at me. You know it won’t do any good. You may order me around on the battlefield, but this medbay is my domain. Here, spread out on this stretcher, you’re mine.

Suddenly, I speed up my hand, pumping your cock as fast as I can. You moan loudly, your hands scrabbling for purchase on the smooth rails they’re secured to. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, I’m gonna cum, I can’t hold it back, I’m about to- unh-“ I pull my hand away, leaving you gasping for breath. After just a moment, I start again, touching you, edging you…

I continue doing this for almost half an hour, watching you grow more and more desperate to cum, breaking you down and turning you into nothing more than a weeping, needy slut. I tease you about it too- “You’re a big burly team leader, a hired killer for god’s sake, and you break this easily with just a little touching? God, you pathetic whore…”

When I finally have mercy on you, you’re fully sobbing, begging, promising me anything and everything if I just let you cum.

I turn the plug’s vibration up to max, growl “Cum for me, you fucking slut. Now.” in your ear, and duck down to shove your cock all the way into my mouth. You nearly scream, cumming hard down my throat, crying and twitching and saying “Thank you, thank you sir, god, thank you for letting me cum…”

I straighten up and wipe my mouth, turn off the plug, and pull it out of you. I take a moment to admire the mess i’ve made of you- you’re covered in tears and sweat and precum. A truly handsome sight.

I release you from your restraints and help you sit up, giving you some water and holding you, praising you for doing such a good job and being such a good boy for me. After a while of sitting together in silence, you turn to me.

“So when’s my next exam, doc?”

*dies from my boner* GODDDDDDd god this is fucking awesome good good ogh

[altheterrible]

I would like some dopamine, please.

Today in therapy we talked about how I grew up with no source of external validation because my parents didn’t give a shit about me, so I learned to tackle goals without needing encouragement from others. This has been a good thing in some ways; I am very good at setting goals and achieving them whether or not I have someone patting me on the back, and that has allowed me to accomplish some really hard things even when I had to do it alone. My parents certainly framed this as a favor--they believed their no-love approach was more reflective of what I’d encounter in the real world and it was better for me to get used to it early.

But at the same time, they deliberately destroyed my ability to validate myself, too. If I was proud of myself for any reason, like learning a complicated piano piece or making it into the National Honor Society, they would tell me that my accomplishments were due to their effort, not mine. Or they would downplay how hard I worked. Or they would say I was “uppity” and “snobby” and thought I was better than them because I was smart/talented/whatever, but academic stuff isn’t what’s important in life, and you are a failure in other ways, blah blah blah.

Like, in 8th grade, I took Algebra 1 and neither of my parents could help me with my math homework at that point since they both dropped out in early high school. I’d get frustrated trying to figure things out on my own using just the textbook because the internet wasn’t really a thing yet. Once after hours of trying to solve an equation, I snapped at my mom because she told me that I was getting too worked up about “math that no one even uses.” I said “just because you don’t use it doesn’t mean other people don’t!” So she laid this guilt trip on me about how I clearly thought she was stupid, and she said I was ungrateful for all the sacrifices she’d made, and she finished off by suggesting that I needed to adjust my attitude and stop thinking I was special because I was smart, because maybe I was good at school but I didn’t support the household or do enough chores and I was inadequate in a million other ways.

Honestly I think that shit is what caused the fucked up reward system in my brain. Like, when I achieve a Goal, there’s no little jolt of dopamine to make me feel good about it. And that looks enough like ADHD that I’ve been officially diagnosed with it twice, but...I really think it’s just that trauma and abuse led me to uncouple feelings of pride, pleasure, and self-worth from the act of accomplishing goals. Pride goes before the fall. Pride gets you taken down a few notches, and there’s always a lower notch for you.

Even when I graduated with my doctorate, an endeavor I started in 11th grade and finished 14 years later, I didn’t feel proud of myself. Maybe for a day or two? But then, nothing. Yeah, I have a doctorate, but really, if I did it, how hard can it be? Yeah, I have a doctorate, but it took me until I was 32 to get it. Yeah, I have a doctorate, but I didn’t graduate with honors. Yeah, I have a doctorate, but but but but. I could have done more, done better, and done it faster.

I can’t feel proud of myself when I accomplish goals because there’s always more I could have done.

The goalposts move as fast as I get to them.

[crystallinearts]

ALSO-

Since you said we can talk to you about anything, I'm gonna talk about your interpretations of two characters in specific.

Scaramouche would be the first! I remember reading the descriptions of both reverse comfort videos, and honestly, I like your analyses! And of course, your top-notch voice. Not a lot of people talk of the trauma that he has, and I found that to be a pity because you can do a lot with that!

And then there is Subject 2 as the second. A lot of people interpret him as Yandere and don't get me wrong, they're not bad, they can do whatever they want. But I like more your interpretation (correct me if I'm wrong) that he is just a little dude which just appreciates a lot the person that gave him a bit of affection without holding it above him, like Gold probably would do, and that he just wants someone to appreciate him as he is.

In conclusion, I like my characters being a sad, wet dog (joking... or maybe? 🤨)

That is about it, remember to have a good day! :>

- 🧉 anon

YESSSS OMG please talk to me!! I may take forever to respond sometimes (thank u what I believe is either undiagnosed ADHD or just my brain being an easily distracted squirrel brain) but I love talking about this stuff~

Godddd this makes me so happy! so like, for as much as I absolutely adore Genshin and watch tons of lore videos and read about all of it… I’ve actually never played it firsthand, because my computer doesn’t have the storage space for it… I tried to install it and was told I didn’t have enough space, so, the dream died XD

that means I can sometimes be a little insecure in my portrayals of characters and sometimes I get a little depresso espresso over it. but knowing that people like my interpretations of them just makes me grin! even though I have yet to actually play this game (I’ll get there at some point hhhh!!) I am extremely passionate about a lot of the characters and I want to create good content of them!

more people should delve into Scara’s trauma… like, not only is it good reverse comfort material, he needs to talk about it!! recovery only starts when he begins to open up and share it with people, and develop bonds with others that allow him to open up in the first place. a romantic partner is a good place to start opening up! it’s ok fandango man you will get to a better place eventually, just let people help you- XD

AND AS FOR DORIAN!! aka Subject Two, Susbedo, Rubedo, whatever you wanna call him… oof. I have so many feelings about him, I am looking both respectfully and disrespectfully, and he’s so exactly the type of character I love. I’ve seen the yandere take on him quite a bit, and yeah, like you say, don’t get me wrong, I can absolutely see why people would take him in that direction! but personally, he doesn’t seem like a full-on yandere to me… and this is coming from someone who’s been known to fall for yanderes! (Cole from Blush Blush, I’m looking at your Cyno-VA-sharing smooth voiced ass)

Dorian is just this broken, pathetic, jealous little mess of a man who desperately wants what Albedo has… and sees no other way to get it other than to take his place. he doesn’t think he deserves good things, because Rhinedottir/Gold told him he was a failure and left him for dead for seemingly just existing (like, there doesn’t seem to be anything ‘wrong’ with him, you know? so it’s like, what the FUCK was even her reason there?)… but he really wants those good things. he doesn’t want to take the good things from Albedo, but he doesn’t know how else to go about getting them for himself. he wants to be loved and accepted without someone attaching conditions to it or expecting him to be something or someone else.

and, of course, that said… once he starts living with Albedo and they come to actually be brothers, you would not BELIEVE how quickly he warms up to that sibling affection and how fiercely he would protect his little family. he goes from wanting to kill Albedo to replace him, to being 10000% ready to destroy any threat that tries to kill Albedo.

… anyway I could literally talk about Dorian in particular FOREVER. if I ever get the opportunity to write a thesis on a fictional character it will be HIM!! I have so much to say about him.

YOU’RE TOTALLY VALID THO!!! OKAY?? I like my characters pitiful, complicated, and physically weak/sickly/etc. so I have ample opportunity to take care of them =)

I know this took me a hot minute to answer but!! you too!!! <3

[asqueerasmagnusbane]

I wrote down this funny little idea i had a while ago thinking I may eventually write something with it but I know I probably won’t so there no reason for me to hoard the fic idea (if someone knows if this is already a thing let me know!)

Bagginshield modern!au where Bilbo is ftm, newly on T, just got top surgery and got the advise to start working on building muscle to further improve his self image/gender dysphoria.

So Bilbo starts hitting the gym and meets gym rat Thorin who kinda bullies him without entirely meaning to (even though he insults him upon first meeting in canon I truly don’t think he’d be the asshole to bully people who are just starting out in the gym. Maybe Bilbo coincidentally starts working out in January, oblivious to how that is So Not a good idea and that the gyms are going to be packed, gets nervous and doesn’t come back for weeks but catches an off-hand complaint from Thorin who is fairly frustrated by how difficult it is to have a nice work out when none of the machines are free and nobody knows how to use them properly.)

Like,, this sounds dumb but some of the language/encouragement that weightlifters use confused me when I first gave the sport a try. Stuff like when I would add more weight for the next round the Experienced Dudes would go “light weight, baby!!!” And I’d be like “??? Huh??” Thinking “goddamn it this is heavy for me don’t rub it in.”

Thorin, all stoic, hates talking to people at the gym notices the small, chubby guy who looks like the only reason he can stand being here is sheer stubbornness and even that is wearing thin and he noticed how quickly he left the first time he came in and the gyms were packed and something tells him this guy needs encouragement and even though he’s only been in here one other time that he knows of (it’s not like he lives here) he actually technically outlasted all the annoying “New Year, new me!”people so he goes ahead and makes the “lightweight!” comment, but in the most deadpan voice ever that Bilbo thinks he’s being insulted and is FUMING but powers through his set, glares at him and leaves. Thorin just assumes his workout was done and that his encouragement helped because he just hammered out those last sets. He doesn’t think much of him shooting daggers at him because we all make weird faces when we lift.

Idk how this progresses from here, idk what kicks it up a notch to make Thorin start taking a shine to Bilbo and start admiring/ respecting him even more, but Bilbo goes on thinking Thorin is antagonizing him. When Bilbo just finishes with a particular exercise and wipes down the equipment Thorin comes over and asks for a spot for the exact same exercise, thinking he’s showing his respect. Bilbo of course doesn’t know that Thorin normally hates talking to people at the gym and that any other opportunity for a “gym bro” friendship he’s had he chose to just politely brush off. HOWEVER, when he approaches Bilbo to spot him Bilbo just thinks he’s trying to show him up because obviously Thorin needs to use triple the weight Bilbo just used.

When it happens again for an exercise you’re not actually supposed to use a lot of weight for, Bilbo starts thinking he’s just being passive aggressive about correcting his form and he starts looking in the mirror more to watch himself closely and thinks ACTUALLY his form is “perfectly fine, thank you, if you have something to say why not have the decency to say it outright.”

Thorin goes on thinking he’s made himself a gym buddy who he actually likes (without actually saying more than five words at a time to the poor guy) and Bilbo is just silently FUMING the whole time.

Eventually Thorin gets to know Bilbo and has a few “oh I fucked up” moments. Maybe they actually start talking for once in the locker room.

One more aside: I don’t want Bilbo to get skinny or shredded lol. Essentially I just want him to stay chubby and I want him to be like “oh im stronger now and I have such a healthy appetite. I can move around all of my furniture with such ease.” Basically just him getting the enjoyment of lifting weights, getting stronger, enjoying his own cooking and topping the pretty muscly boy.

[leam1983]

Razer Blade 14 - Thoughts

Specs before anyone asks:

AMD Ryzen™ 9 6900HX Processor (8-Cores /16-Threads, 20MB Cache, Up to 4.9 GHz max boost) with Radeon™ 680M Graphics.

Windows 11 Home.

14-inch FHD 144Hz, 1920 x 1080. ...

NVIDIA® GeForce RTX™ 3060 (6GB GDDR6 VRAM)

1TB SSD (M.2 NVMe PCIe 4.0 x4)

Actual thoughts below the cut. Send gamer hate at braingremlin@reeeeemail.com

So. It, um, certainly is a laptop. At fourteen inches, it's just about comfortable enough to sit in someone's lap, assuming you're not looking to kill your cojones by sitting cross-legged through a maxed-out run on Cyberpunk 2077. Not that you could, it's only got 6 GB of VRAM and the onboard RTX 3060 draws a ton of juice. You'd be lucky to get an hour at 1080p Medium. Being a Ryzen lappy, it also doesn't support Thunderbolt, so you couldn't exactly turn it into a hybrid system by plugging in a docked GPU while at home. Your only other option is the humble 6900HX's onboard Radeon graphics, which are, well...

Calling them limited by today's standards would be fair.

So why the fuck did I buy that? Because I'm an adult, and I need something with a screen and a keyboard that can follow me. The Steam Deck's great for my Linux needs and it still is my contender for actual portable gaming, but I've increasingly found myself getting shipped around the city to deal with sales reps directly for the sake of my job, and dealing with a car dealership's Sales Director typically means waiting. Waiting quite a bit, at that. If I'm told to sit around a break room and wait above ninety minutes, I'm getting comfortable and getting some work done.

All that, and the fact that I already have a decent gaming PC. I don't need the new portable hotness, not when gaming at work would get me fired, and not when I'd be liable to wait for a hotel room or some other accommodation to consider loading up a Skyrim save away from home.

On the plus side, the USB-C ports are decently zippy and allowed me to tether to our single Windows server rack quite comfortably.

You're not here for Adult Shit, though, any old croaker can run some form of a word-processor or an office suite. In terms of performance, the onboard RTX 3060 outpaces my housebound RTX 2080 in terms of raytracing capabilities, but has less of a texture buffer. Warhammer 40K: Darktide runs with all its bells and whistles cranked to High on my main rig, and with ray-tracing turned off. On my laptop, my single Darktide run yielded a steady 60 FPS at low-to-medium details, with a few ray-tracing elements turned on. Considering the type of game this is, it's really an "apples or oranges" sort of deal. Crisper details you won't really slow down to look at, or deeper shadows? Take your pick.

The same goes for Cyberpunk 2077, with things improving if you step down a notch and consider older titles. FarCry 5 is amenable with the 3060's lean VRAM budget, as is Assassin's Creed Odyssey - everything gets cranked up with no complaints other than the cooling array's incessant whining.

Therein lies the one reason why I think even gaming laptops should be seen as a stopgap for when computers aren't available: heat transfer. If you're the type to pack a gamepad while on the go, odds are this won't concern you. If you're hoping to tackle an FPS or a Management game, however, odds are you'll quickly realize how toasty your hands and fingers can become. Over time, the resulting feeling can be quite uncomfortable. If you've gone for one of the pricier Blades or any other laptop with an Intel CPU, you've got access to Thunderbolt 3 and as such, could reliably dock the machine and use it as a hybrid rig, thereby negating any heating-related issues. As this is quite the commitment - and a pricey one at that - it's almost more worthwhile to do what I've done, and to invest into a mobile gap-filler.

Do I like it, though? I'll answer like a boring adult man nearing his forties and say that it does what I need it to, without looking like your typically cheap ASUS Aspire build. It's utterly quiet unless taxed, seeing as the 6900HX covers both processing and video display as long as low-effort jobs are presented. You can set it to consistently default to the snappier RTX 3060 if you absolutely must get that high-frequency Refresh Rate feel even while working on someone's Sales portfolio, but then this adds a consistent low hum to the overall use experience. I like the idea of knowing that my laptop's GPU is effectively turned completely off until taxed. In an office, not being known as the one guy with a jet engine of a notes-taker feels particularly good.

As you'd expect of Razer, however, very little is serviceable or upgradeable, with the onboard Wi-Fi suite and default audio and video drivers absolutely requiring the presence of a default, factory-flashed recovery partition. Delete that, and your custom Windows install is going to get unpleasant really, really quickly. I've also attempted to use one of my old Windows 11 serials to upgrade from the default Home Windows fork to the Pro, and it seems as though this particular Home license key is linked to the recovery partition. I can change OSes at will, but doing so will require that I invest in a USB-to-Ethernet adapter first, to work around my lack of an onboard Ethernet port.

Small ray of sunshine, though - remove six tri-wing screws as well as the backplate itself, and you get access to the one and only serviceable component, which is its SSD drive. The M.2 slot could theoretically accept any size of drive whatsoever, but the Blade 14's confines are so tight that tests show chipsets going above 2 GBs will bend slightly when screwed in. The one source I checked who tried it with an obscenely-priced 8 GB stick from Sabrent claims the laptop still works fine after several weeks, but I wouldn't expect them to maintain their optimism once a chip's solder pads pop off. The safest bet would be a simple 2 GB stick, with anything higher perhaps requiring a little bit of literal hacking to raise the stick while somehow making contact with the port's pins.

My thinking is that I could perhaps find an M.2 riser cable, if those do indeed exist, snip it down to barely an inch, solder its other connector end back on, using that to connect with a high-capacity double-sided NVME drive I'd have stuck to the backplate proper with a combination of thumb tack and electric tape. Problem solved, I think - only I'd be unable to touch my laptop's backplate without burning my fingers.

At that point, you have to question who really needs 8 GBs of storage on a laptop, of all things...

I'm more than satisfied, all things told - except perhaps with that dreaded Razer tax. It's almost worth it, seeing as a few gaming-related stickers got the office's Apple cultists to ask me if I'd just gotten a vintage MacBook. Cover up the three tangled snakes and it certainly passes a cursory inspection.