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btsandvmin · 3 years

Text

A personal dilemma

I feel like I have to explain properly why I have reacted the way I did and why the asks about me not doing videos for Vmin affected me so much. I am sorry for dwelling on this subject so much but it is something that is important to me and effect what I do and how I do it a lot.

This post is a bit confused and I might also come across both as a hypocrite and as "high and mighty". But I believe every person has a responsibility for what they do no matter how small the effect. And I need to get this off my chest. This is a conflict within me that I don't have an answer to yet.

For the last few days I've seriously considered if I should continue with writing analysis for Vmin or not. Because at the end of the day I know what I do have a sort of snowball effect that is out of my control. So asking me to not do videos in worry about Vminies getting delusional faster or me being seen as a analysis maker more similar to some ji/kookers or tar/kookers like tkk/lives made me wonder not only if putting out videos was something that bring more bad than good, but if making any analyses at all was something that brought more bad than good.

Even if I try hard to stay away from sounding delusional and to warn my readers of the problems with believing the things I point out and the narratives I share might still lead to more confidence in Vmin being superior or real. Even if it's not my intention I can't control what people do after reading or watching my material.

Thus if creating leads to more bad for both the Vmin community and perhaps in the long run even Vmin... How can I in good conscience keep doing it?

I always believed and hoped that my way of writing, and of being open and transparent with the problems with shipping analysis would rather at least to some extent halt the ones reading and understanding my stance from turning delusional or over confident etc. That I could be clear about the difference between facts, theories and narrative and make others aware too.

When I started this blog I was just shipping happily and reblogged others posts. Until the "you can't ship Vmin they are friends" issue bothered me enough to write about it so I wrote "The “bromance” issue". Then I kept making material to show why Vmin is just as good and easy to ship romantically as any other ship. Thus my 10 reasons to ship posts etc.

The first time I truly got into analysing territory was with my first song analysis. And even then it was just a feeling that the songs could match and speculation mostly for fun. Vmin kept doing things, and yet I saw a lot of people get angry or defensive just for shipping Vmin. For example as 4 o'clock came out and Vminies got attacked for "making it about Vmin". Already feeling like Vmin's songs kind of fit together, and how other shippers tried to make the songs about their own ships (including 4 o'clock) I started to look closer at various ship analyses and seeing the lack of Vmin analyses compared to other maknae ships made me feel like people just zoomed in on their own ship and ignored everyone else. I couldn't help but want to add my own Vmin interpretations. I wanted to add a Vmin perspective as a sort of counter weight. Especially since I felt the things I saw had more to them than similar theories from other ships. For example the songs, being soulmates, using army as a substitute for each other or my own version of Vlive analysis, which was that Vmin seemed to avoid it rather than them hiding in each other's room. Other ships had these theories, despite Vmin having at least some of these things confirmed. So in a way, the soulmate claim and 4 o'clock was my starting point to look at Vmin in a different way and a bit after that I started making analyses.

It felt weird to see all of these things go ignored when other ship communities made their followers believe in the relationships with a lot less than I felt Vmin had. I never got confident that Vmin was real and I still think the odds of any ship being real aren't that big. But I did feel like many people completely ignored Vmin both as soulmates and as a ship.

So, while asking my fellow Vminies to be careful with believing I kept looking at Vmin and added my biased theories to show it could very much be done with Vmin as well. I never wanted to make people delusional, but having been in many fandoms before I also knew that with size that is something that can't be avoided. I saw that as BTS kept growing and as big Vmin moments happened, that more and more people shipped them. It made me happy. But I also knew it would mean more and more would eventually start to question Vmin the way other ships got questioned. I really think it's something that happens eventually with enough of a following. There are so many ships in Kpop that people believe in and try to prove, it definitely wasn't exclusive to BTS. (You can even look outside Kpop at things like the Sherlock or Supernatural or even Hunger Games fandoms where many speculated that the actors weren't just close, they were romantically involved.)

I wanted to talk about Vmin, but I didn't want to be one of those that told people what to think and to believe me no matter what. I wanted peope to question without "knowing" what the truth was. I was hoping to bring something different than just the safe "this is just my thoughts and you can take it or leave it" disclaimers. I wanted to explain the problems and to remind ourselves (me included) that shipping is something that can easily turn into more if you don't actively remind yourself that we actually don't know the truth. We have narratives that seem to make sense, but so does other shippers... So for many of these belivers it is impossible to be right. Not everyone can be right about their "truth", if anyone, since they go against each other. If Vmin turn out to not be together I do not want to be the one responsible for people believing they were real, only to get hurt when they aren't.

This is something I've always felt, and as I kept writing analysis I always wondered if I really should. Especially since I saw some Vminies get inspired by me or even taking some of my theories and run with them as facts rather than the theories they were. I put things out there, moments and ideas. A narrative for Vmin. And I saw others adapt them and go further with them. I wasn't sure how to feel as I realized my blog perhaps contributed to Vminies feeling more suspicious and slowly more confident in Vmin being more real than other ships.

Even if it was my goal to make people look at Vmin, I guess with all the things Vmin did it all started to feel more "real" for me too. So many of my theories seemed to work and even get proven or added new material. The songs kept coming and Vmin kept being Vmin. But I also knew this exact thing happend with ji/kookers after G.C.F came out. New material that "confirmed" their beliefs and in turn allowed them to become more confident in being right. So I kept reminding myself not to get swept away, because in the end I don't think no matter how much we have gotten, that it has to prove anything besides how much Vmin mean to each other. Romantic or platonic truly doesn't matter.

Another thing that makes a difference to me is also the way I view the different ships if they would actually be real. For example watching ji/kook and ji/kook theories it seems pretty clear they don't mind people shipping them or seeing things between them. I've never seen Jimin be careful, but instead rather bold and almost pushy, with moments with JK. If Ji/kook is together their shippers too believe that they want people to know. With Vmin I saw it a bit differently... I've seen Jimin be careful with how he and Tae comes across since 2014. Why I don't know. But if we imagine there to actually be something between Vmin, then it doesn't seem like it's something Jimin wants us to know. Taehyung is a bit bolder, but either way the "narrative" I see for Vmin if they would be real is that they are careful with getting exposed. Thus there is also that factor to consider when writing theories about them. If Vmin would be real somehow, and they don't want to be "exposed" how is what I do the right thing?

I have had a post in my drafts for a while and I wanted to add it here in case you are interested. After all, this isn't something new that came after the video asks, but rather something I've always questioned. Which is why it really got to me when I got asked to stop doing something for the sake of the community, myself and Vmin.

This is something I wrote a while ago and I decided not to post at the time. I hope you will understand my feelings a little bit better after reading all of this.

I hope you understand where I am coming from and excuse me for generalizing and speaking about the Vmin (and other ships) community as if it's one big force and not many individuals.

***

Now, I have debated for a long time if I should talk about this at all and basically take a stance in a way I would prefer not to. I know I will lose followers over this, and that's ok. I can't force anyone to listen. But with the way I see the Vmin community grow I also see the confidence in Vmin being real grow. It's natural and happens with all ships eventually, but I still hope Vminies can look at shippers from other communities and realize the same kind of reasoning applies to us all.

I get more messages that sound borderline delusional now than ever.

I always suspected we would reach this point, because again, as things get more normalized and ok to talk about the bolder statements and theories will become. It literally happens with all ships, slowly at first and then gradually worse and worse until you reach truly delusional levels where Big Hit are playing up other relationships to hide the truth or trying to create a glass closet for another ship and where every choice and action has a possible agenda. I don't think Vminies will get worse than other ships that are much bigger and bolder. But I do think we have already changed a lot in the last year. Even looking at my own posts I seem to have at some point escalated from "Vmin seem to have these push and pull moments" to "Vmin's push and pull" if you see the difference. It might be small, but it definitely matters in how my views comes across.

When I write I do try to present facts and then speak carefully and not confidently about narratives or meanings. If we take my song analysis for example I think there is a substantial amount of things even when just looking at facts. But, saying what those facts might mean will in the end always remain a biased guess. Especially since other shippers have their similar theories as well that they believe in 100%. I mean, I could make a case for Tae and Hobi's songs being connected as well. I've seen analysis like this from all shippers at this point, and I can't dismiss them anymore than they can dismiss mine. (As long as they keep to facts.)

I am careful, and even then I see some of my theories being talked about as fact, or att least very close to facts.

From what I have seen I have moments between Vmin I have notcied and shared that haven’t been picked up on before I did it. I still have some things like this I haven’t shared at all, simply because I think fans would run with them and become more delusional simply by knowing about them.

Sadly, the way things are going I feel uncertain if I should share more of these things at all. I don’t want to have to go around and debunk Vmin moments or urge people to watch other ships, because in the end every person has the right to enjoy a ship in their own way. But I do think confidence is dangerous no matter how good moments we get.

Ji/kookers got a lot worse after GCF Tokyo and started to talk about how Big Hit might be working towards a glass closet. And that might sound ridiculous, but I have seen Vminies say the same with the way Vmin has been "shown" as Friends came out and other pretty good Vmin moments from the last year. The question of "Do you think something is up with Vmin?" or "Do you think they are planning something based on the amount of moments we get?" are questions I have gotten many times.

You might think I am being too careful, but because I have been in many fandoms in a period of over 15 years I literally see the same development happen for all different kinds of shipping communities. Real and fictional. Where the fans get more and more confident as the groups gets bigger. It’s a gradual change towards feelings certain and allowing more logical leaps to fill the gaps, but it will get faster and faster once it starts.

I don’t want Vminies to get more and more similar to how many ji/kookers and tae/kookers act and think. Where we find suspicion in everything and allow ourselves to feel confident. (Or worried whenever something goes against that belief.)

I might sound a hypocrite considering I do write analysis on Vmin, but I am sorry to say, the way things are going maybe I shouldn’t anymore.

Every ship in BTS have moments, and every ship in BTS even have believers who truly KNOWS their ship is real. I often used to get the question “do you know this or that about this other ship” and “if you only looked at and knew about xxx you wouldn’t ship Vmin” etc. And honestly, they have a point. Only I think it works both ways for all shippers. We all mostly look at our own ship and have our own narratives and reasons to think they make the most sense. But as soon as we allow narratives to sound like the only or most logical explenation we have lost a big part of our ability to question others and ourselves. That's why I wanted to add the Vmin narrative in the sea of ji/kook and tae/kook theories.

Recently I posted Can shipping turn into conspiracy theories? and part of the reason I did so was because I have seen an increased tendency in the Vmin community to walk this thin line between shipping and belief.

I feel very conflicted honestly. I want our community to try and stay away from being sure, no matter how compelling the arguments. Again, I have literal hundreds of pages about Vmin being weird or doing things I think make them the most likely to be real in some form when looking at BTS.

AND I AM STILL NOT GOING TO BE CONVINCED.

I have followed another group where members kiss when drunk and talk like they ship each other and even if a ship might seem real there is just too much we don't know. And a lot about other ships we decide to ignore or don't know. I have been accussed of being a ji/kooker because I won't say ji/kook being real is impossible. But how can l? How would me saying ji/kook can't be real be any different to the aggressive ji/kookers who has come to me to say "Vmin is cute but ji/kook is real".

Of course every person might have their own level of what might convince them, but we also know that literally millions of other people are convinced of completely different things with incredible certainty.

I don't want to be scared to put my theories out there so they can be taken as facts.

I have said it before, and I know shippers are drawn to confidence, but that's the exact reason to why I choose not to be confident even though it gets me more hate and less followers.

***

So this is what I wrote a while ago... And hearing people worry about what might happen if I start making videos just made these thoughts resurface. Especially since I didn't feel that video was very analytical, but it still likely would make people notice Vmin in a "what if they are real" way. Again, I use moments that exists, but I also add them in a different context, with a Vmin narrative. If what I write or make seems legit and makes sense then my tone of being careful might not matter. People will get exposed to moments and ideas I highlight and then take them further. That's why I hesitate.

I don't think I am big or influential enough to do much, but just doing 'a little' shouldn't excuse it if it in the end leads to something bad, more than it leads to something good. That's why adding YouTube as a platform doesn't make much of a difference in my mind if I still do what I do here. Sure YouTube is bigger and things get spread faster... But I write much more analytical and questionable things here than I did in that video, and even if it gets spread slower and to less people isn't what I do here in a sense then worse?

If me making videos makes some of you nervous (which I understand and relate to) then what will it lead to if I post basically a book on everything weird I've seen and thought in regards to Vmin?

I want to feel like I add more good to the community than I bring bad. I always thought I was doing the former as I tried to make my followers feel open minded rather than convinced. Now I don't know where I stand anymore and so I feel even more unsure of what to do.

Maybe I should have kept this all to myself and not vented out my worries to you. But I take this rather seriously and while I love what I do and love being part of the Vmin community I am feeling conflicted and I felt like sharing why might be good for me.

I know this was long and I applaude you if you managed to read through it all. I am truly so happy to have gotten so many nice and understanding and kind messages from you all. And many of you even saying you are happy you came across my blog and that I brought a new perspective, made you more open minded or even kept you from turning delusional. It makes me feel like I at least did some things right. I purple you all. 💜

#vmin #btsandvmin #personal #my post #shipping vs believing

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artist-in-space · 4 years

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Did the final spn episode seem like a mockery of the show and the fans to you? I don't know what I expected from the finale but it wasn't this... :/

Hey! Let me preface this with I’m not actually a dedicated fan of Supernatural. I’ve watched like-- the first two seasons, snippets online of different scenes, and basically was diffused with information through Tumblr and Pinterest.

And I could still say: wow, just. Wow.

I didn’t think they’d go anywhere near that area. I mean. I predicted that it might be a little bit anti-climactic like... “okay one would probably die by a final battle” but hoo boy what was that

For shows like these, yeah. It is a mockery. It’s got a following that is so dedicated that it stuck by it for more than a decade, and they just ask for the bare minimum: a good story. Because the actors are definitely great at acting, and the effects are fine. Character relationships are always the foundation of a good story, because even if the plot goes off the rails, the characters make it tolerable.

And for all characters to just. Be like that? Anyone-- even a non-fan-- would see that there was something terribly wrong with the ending.

The fans asked for a good story, and-- whatever their reason they may be, we’ve seen all the jokes of homophobia and misogyny and incest and whatever going around-- it just shows that this... wasn’t it. This was a slap to the face to people who stuck by the series.

I remembered when they announced SPN S15, as a final season. A lot of people groaned and went oh no, not again, it would never end, how will they make it even worse, I hope they do something with the final confrontations but ultimately, they wanted the series to be laid to rest, peacefully.

This one? Oh boy. Not at all. This wasn’t GOT-- not a fan of GOT, but unlike the eight year-span, SPN had a decade and more. The characters were OOC, yeah, I read my dad’s frustrations when the finale dropped. Unlike GOT, there wasn’t any romance pushed (I love you being actually canon from Castiel and left...there) and there was no weird ending in heaven.

The way Dean died... that was so disappointing to me, seeing as he was my favorite character back then. To just die by that. You’d think after everything he’d die...by, I don’t know. Old age? Or the series just doesn’t go the death route and leave it open-ended? I wouldn’t even mind an Inception ending where we just guess what happened and we’re doing our own interpretations. But no, somehow SPN went to....the wtf ending.

I expected the finale to be bland. To be weird. But to end in death in that way especially for Dean, make a weird way for Sam to live and go old, not even Castiel appearing (after all that importance he brought to the series, you’d think he’d be part of it, right?)-- it’s like they read every fan’s wish and decided, hell no. Let’s not make any of those happen, and instead we’ll make it worse.

It’s decidedly like Sherlock S4, but not really because you could see the degradation from S3 if you’re keen on it, then S4 came in swinging and went ‘let’s destroy everything, but here’s them in the end taking care of a baby :)’ so there was “consolation” for the whole Holmes-Watson friendship break thing. But Christ, SPN looked at that and went “let’s destroy the hearts of everyone in this series, give the fans something so fabricated and hopeless where “everyone” is just happy that they’re dead.

What a weird way to end a series talking about Free Will and hope throughout their run, and anon, my god, I hope you go through a period of self-care because that was SUCH a bad ending.

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dynamics-of-an-asteroid · 4 years

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Dont suppose you have a copy of the interview you could share?

For you, dear anon~

His Dark Materials: Andrew Scott on life after Fleabag and Sherlock

We’ve loved him as both Fleabag’s Hot Priest and Sherlock’s menacing Moriarty. Now, he’s back on our screens in the new series of His Dark Materials. Polly Vernon talks to our TV crush

Andrew Scott is mortified. The actor – formerly Moriarty to Benedict Cumberbatch’s Sherlock, then the Hot Priest of Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s Fleabag, imminently Colonel John Parry in the BBC’s adaptation of Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials – arrives at the photographic studio, bang on the appointed hour, in a fawn cashmere cardigan with a fine gold chain around his neck, bemoaning “this terrible, terrible eye infection, which is making me so self-conscious. I’m so sorry. It isn’t that you’ve massively upset me before we’ve even started. It’s so annoying. But anyway…”

Scott, 44, is small, vivid, wiry and garrulously Irish, with a face that is not handsome so much as mesmerising, intense, sharply boned, symmetrical, startlingly expressive. Sequences of emotions so subtle and complicated that I can’t begin to identify or keep up with them ruffle his brow from moment to moment. And, yup, the whole thing is rather disrupted by his left eye. This is no light kiss of conjunctivitis. It’s a swollen, red, perma-weeping situation that engulfs the whole socket. Scott turns his face two thirds on to me, so the infection is largely hidden, which would probably help if we weren’t sitting in a brightly lit hair and make-up room with a massive, inescapable mirror fixed to one wall. “Oh God,” Scott says every time he catches sight of his reflection.

Stress?

“Let’s be honest,” he says. “Let’s not skirt around the issue. It’s being overworked and…” Scott’s eye begins weeping. “Oh my goodness. I am so sorry. Really, really very sorry.”

Wanna wear my sunglasses, I ask, holding them out to him.

“That would be a bit more weird, wouldn’t it? I actually did think about that in the taxi, but I thought that would be some sort of weird and screwed Invisible Man-type thing. I mean, it couldn’t be worse. And then we have to go and get our photograph taken. It’ll be one of those pictures where, you know, those creepy pictures… Of people crying?”

That’s what Photoshop’s for, I say.

“Anyway. Let’s just ignore it.”

I wonder if it’s particularly hard to walk around with an eye infection at a point in time where you’re not merely famous, as Scott is – a star of stage, screen and Bond film, winner of multiple awards, including, as of barely two weeks ago, a Best Actor Olivier for Present Laughter at the Old Vic – but specifically famous for being sexy.

In 2019, Andrew Scott became synonymous with, well, sex. While playing a character technically known as the Priest, whom the general public instantly renamed the Hot Priest, the spiritual support turned transgressive love interest of Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s supremely popular Fleabag, Scott became a cypher for the nation’s more exotic desires. A deliciously contentious pin-up. Ground zero on an earnest social media debate about whether the Priest’s relationship with Fleabag should be considered abusive, power imbalanced, “problematic”. And that was just for starters.

The Priest’s sexual iconography extended far beyond the limits of the show, becoming the subject of internet memes and real-life merchandise (visit online retailer Etsy for your £12 Hot Priest mug emblazoned with an illustration of Scott in priest’s robes, alongside the word “kneel”, a reference to a pivotal moment between the show’s lead characters, which takes place in a confession box, the climax of which, assuming you haven’t already seen it, you could probably take a stab at). There was an unprecedented upsurge in young worshippers, and women started bombarding social media “influencer” the Rev Chris Lee of west London with nude photographs. There was much foetid fan fiction.

To be publicly defined by so much sex, as Scott still is, a year and a half after Fleabag concluded, and then to be encumbered by something as visibly unsexy as an eye infection, I can see how that might make a chap self-conscious.

Scott isn’t here to rake up all that old Hot Priest stuff, mind. He’s here to talk about the second series of His Dark Materials, a lush, expensive fantasy drama based on the Philip Pullman books, jewel in the crown of the BBC’s autumn schedule. The series was filmed through 2019 and the beginning of 2020 and had all but wrapped before lockdown. Good timing, as it turned out, because the extensive post-production processes, unlike shooting, could be completed in isolation.

Scott’s Colonel John Parry is an explorer, the missing father of the central character, 14-year-old Will Parry. He’s a man who slipped into a parallel universe some years earlier, acquired a “daemon” – an exterior animal-formed expression of his soul, a female osprey called Sayan Kötör, voiced with public-pleasing symmetry by Phoebe Waller-Bridge – and never found a way back to “our” world and his son. I speak as a fan of the books, which you might describe as a darker, existential response to Harry Potter, although honestly? They’re better than that. The show is great, a deft, rewarding interpretation, and Scott is an exciting prospect as Parry.

Did he jump at the part?

“I did, actually. It was definitely something I was into. We were doing a play and it seemed like a fun thing to do.” Scott is one of those who slips into the third person when speaking about himself in a professional capacity.

Had he read the books?

“Yeah,” he says. “I think they’re extraordinary. The truth, but told on a slant. I love the way Pullman tells children about spirituality or religion in such an extraordinary, intelligent way. He doesn’t speak down to them. He talks to children’s souls.”

Given that Pullman effectively kills off God through the course of the books and Scott’s a lapsed Irish Catholic who has suffered his share of shame on account of the church’s grip on his homeland (more on which shortly), I’d imagine Pullman’s books talked to Scott’s adult soul too.

Presumably, he didn’t have to audition. Presumably, he never has to. Too famous for auditions?

“No,” he says. “Although I’ve always thought auditioning is a pretty good thing to do.”

Why?

“Because you’re able to understand, ‘Oh, this is the vibe here.’ You think, when you’re an actor, you don’t have much choice, but I’ve always felt like auditioning is a good opportunity for you to go, ‘Oh well, I don’t much like you either. I think you’re dreadful!’ ”

I don’t care that you didn’t give me that part?

“Yeah.” Scott becomes playfully, theatrically defiant. “I don’t care!” He flicks aside an imaginary rejection with a churlish hand.

Will John Parry and His Dark Materials be enough to eliminate all residual overtones of Hot Priest sexiness from Scott? Maybe. He is a fine actor, no question, entirely transformed from role to role. I saw him play Paul, a narcissistic, fame-addled touring rock star, at the Royal Court in 2014 in Simon Stephens’ Birdland, back when his deeply sinister Moriarty weighed almost as heavily on Scott’s reputation as the Hot Priest does now. I’d watched him become someone else entirely on stage. “Oh, you saw that?” Scott says, pleased.

I quote, “Am I cancer?” at him, his defining line from the play, as evidence.

“Oh Jesus. Oh f***ing hell. Oh my. I’d forgotten that line. ‘Am I cancer?’ ”

The Hot Priest association hasn’t left him yet, which is why I find myself asking what it’s like to be the very definition of sexiness.

“You get invited to more parties.”

Better parties?

“Yeah.”

Better than during his Moriarty phase?

“Definitely.”

It must be fun to find yourself le dernier cri in sexy, according to the whole nation.

“Yeah, that’s fun,” he says. “I didn’t really like being associated with scary. It’s not what I’m interested in being, in life, being intimidating to people. It’s not part of my nature, whereas being sexy to people…”

That is part of his nature?

“Well, they’re very different things.”

They’re both about having power over people.

“I suppose they are, yes.”

So did Scott, bored of scaring people, say to Phoebe Waller-Bridge, writer and star of Fleabag and a long-term friend (they met in 2009 while starring in Roaring Trade at the Soho Theatre), “Write a role for me that will make everyone think I’m just really, really sexy now”?

“That’s such a good belt. Are they two ‘Gs’?”

“Exactly.”

——————————

Andrew Scott is not the easiest interview. He’s utterly charming. Really, just a delight. In between prostrating himself for the offence of his eye and apologising for not turning up the first time we were scheduled to meet (ten days earlier; a delayed Covid test result meant he couldn’t make it), he ensures I have a good time in his company. He is playful. He makes me laugh. His every utterance is delivered as a grand performance. (“Shhhh! Just… Shhhh!” he implores, placing a finger against his lips while expressing frustrations over the mindless jabber of social media, and he does it so powerfully, he compels me to be quiet, breathlessly to await delivery of his next line.) He finds elegant ways to flatter me. He laughs at my jokes and is terribly taken with my belt.

Yeah. For Gucci.

“Oh. Ha ha! I thought it was the Golden Globes. I love the Golden Globes. Ha ha!”

And of course, he’s Irish. Clichédly, melodiously Irish, which makes everything sound softer and jollier than it might otherwise.

As for the actual business of being interviewed, of answering straight questions with straight answers, finishing off sentences, offering more than a slip-slide of vagaries punctuated by vigorous hand gestures, none of which translates into print? He’d rather not.

He tells me, as he’s told other journalists before, this is because he’s interested in navigating the line between “privacy and secrecy”, then says he’s aware he’s sometimes “got away with secrecy under the guise and respectability of privacy”, as if signalling potential incoming slipperiness, which means I prepare to throw every trick in the book at him.

First up: amateur psychology.

Might Andrew Scott’s gayness be at the heart of his reluctance to speak more freely? Perhaps. This is no scoop. He’s been out for almost as long as he’s been famous. “I mean, as a civilian, I was quite young [when I came out], you know? But then, as a celebrity…”

He tails off, allows me to fill in the blanks. This is another of his evasion tactics. I can’t very well quote Scott on the presumptions I make about things he never quite says.

He had to have another coming out?

“Yes. And I have another one coming up.”

He has another coming out coming up?

“Yeah.”

So that will be, what? Tier 3 gayness?

“Tier 3, yeah.”

Scott grew up in Ireland at a time when it wasn’t legal to be gay, which could certainly seed an enduring reluctance towards carefree openness in a person. He invokes the concept of shame more regularly than the average interviewee. He was born in Dublin in 1976 to Nora, an art teacher, and Jim, who worked at an employment agency. He has one older sister, Sarah, and a younger one, Hannah.

He was shy, so started attending a children’s drama course.

Did that help?

“Yeah. Acting to me is not pretending to be someone else. It’s more like, this is who I actually am. The lie that tells the truth,” he says. I am none the wiser. He was clearly talented. He went from adverts to his first starring role in a film aged 17 (Korea, directed by Cathal Black), won a bursary to art school but took a place at Trinity College Dublin to study drama instead, and ditched that six months in to join Dublin’s Abbey Theatre. He’s been gainfully employed in the field ever since.

How Catholic was his upbringing?

“Well, there were Catholic priests in my life,” he says. “None of whom I wanted to have sex with.”

Does it amuse Scott to know he inspired a mass fetishising of priestly ranks? That in 2019, the Hot Priest would make, “Can you have sex with a Catholic priest?” one of the most googled terms of the year?

“Absolutely f***ing mental,” he says.

Homosexuality wasn’t legalised in Ireland until 1993, when Scott was 16.

“I always think, if I’d had a boyfriend then, which I definitely did not…”

No?

“No.”

He knew he was gay, though?

“No. No, no, no, no!”

Was he suppressing it or not thinking about it?

“I would say suppressing. Definitely suppressing. I don’t believe people just don’t think about it.”

An upbeat, cheesy jazz remix of something or other starts playing outside the room.

“Oooh, this is the soundtrack for this bit of the interview,” says Scott. He wiggles his shoulders to the music.

I switch to strict dominatrix interviewer mode. Focus, I say. You were about to tell me something good.

“Oh, shit, was I? OK. I think what’s really insidious is that people don’t ask you about sex or… People wouldn’t say, ‘Are you gay or are you [straight]?’ And the lack of directness is very damaging. They just didn’t go there.”

Does he think his family, friends, the people closest to him knew then that he was gay?

“No,” he says. “I don’t think they did know. Or maybe they have a suspicion, but they think, I want to be respectful, so I’m not going to ask about that. Then [when you do come out], people say, ‘Oh, I’m glad.’ You know? If you do talk about it. So I suppose what I feel now is, talking about sex or sexuality is important. Really important.”

Having said that, “There’s still getting rid of the shame. In a situation like this, 10 or 15 years ago, I would have been…” He fakes shock, horror. “Oh no! Polly’s just asked me about [he switches to a whisper] that.”

Scott will talk about his sex life only notionally. No specifics. For 15 years, between 2001 and 2016, he was in a relationship with the actor turned screenwriter Stephen Beresford (Scott starred in Beresford’s 2014 film Pride). Ever since, he’s refused to answer questions about his romantic life.

And he’s not going to talk about it now, I presume.

“No.”

What if we talk about it opaquely?

“OK.”

Where does he see himself, domestically, in an ideal world? Married with kids whom he’ll, I dunno, adopt or have via surrogacy?

“I like it. It’s bold. Am I going to adopt or…?”

Get a surrogate?

“I definitely think that’s something I would be open to.”

Great, I say, with blatant sarcasm. Thanks. How specific.

“Ha! I’m sorry. OK. Have I got any children at the moment? No. How can I… [explain]? OK. I was with a friend of mine in Dublin…”

His partner?

“No, no, no. Not my partner. Ah ha. I see what you were…”

Teasing. Yes.

“Ha! Yes. So, I was with a friend in Dublin and we were walking around and he was looking at apartments and I was like, ‘What about this place here?’ You know? And he said, ‘No,’ and I said, ‘Why not?’ and he said, ‘I don’t live a heteronormative life, so I don’t want a heteronormative house.’ ”

What’s a heteronormative house?

“Two up, two down thing. He goes, ‘I can live in a loft or a weird space. I don’t need those things.’ He was so proud of it. He really owned it. I think where a lot of one’s pain comes from is when you go, ‘I should want that.’ And so, to answer your question opaquely, I have kids I adore. I love children, genuinely, and I had a very happy childhood. But I also feel, if I don’t have kids, that’s all right. I think I would’ve attached a lot of shame beforehand, with not living a particularly heteronormative life… Even with being gay, there’s a sort of way of being gay that’s acceptable. And I don’t feel that any more.”

He feels you can be unacceptably gay?

“Exactly. Exactly!”

I ask when shame shifted for him and Scott says it was when Ireland voted overwhelmingly in favour of same-sex marriage in the 2015 referendum, which felt, he says, “like acceptance, genuinely. And I remember going out to this gay bar in Dublin and this girl came up to me, this cool Dublin girl, and she said, ‘What are you doing here? You need to go down to, I don’t know, blah, blah, this bar in some park.’ She was saying, ‘This isn’t the right gay bar for you. This is some shit gig,’ when the fact I’m in a gay bar in Ireland [at all] is a miracle to me, and then some person with a half-shaved head is telling me, ‘No, you need to go somewhere cooler.’ ”

His left eye starts weeping again.

“I’m so happy about that,” he says. “Even though I’m crying.”

I ask Scott if he has a game plan when picking roles, if he plots his course from Sherlock villain to Bond quasi-villain (he played Max Denbigh in Spectre) to sex icon, and, if so, what next? “No. Jesus, no,” he says.

We talk about the totalitarianism of social media, which he isn’t on, and share a mutual despair over it. “I thought it was something one would associate with the right, but actually, now it’s [the left] that is very ‘you’re this’ or ‘you’re that’. I find that quite frightening. It actually makes me feel ferocious.”

Is he not worried about being cancelled, of somehow saying the “wrong” thing, according to Twitter sensitivities, then having a thousand voices mobilised against him, demanding his firing, in the style of JK Rowling?

“I’m not,” he says. “I refuse to be. A very intelligent person I was talking to recently was writing a book and he said, ‘I’m going to get a sensitivity expert to have a look. I don’t want to get cancelled.’ I found that frightening.”

Is he rich? “Rich is the absence of worry about money,” he says. He can’t remember the last time he worried about money.

That must be nice.

“Of course it f***ing is. I think it’s a miracle. I really do. I was working in a French theatre in London for nothing – none of us was working for anything – and I remember the artistic director of the theatre talking about the fact we weren’t earning any money as some sort of virtue. I remember feeling really annoyed about that, like this isn’t good.”

This leads to an inevitable conversation about how the arts are suffering with Covid, including a segue down the Fatima route, the much shared government advert that depicted a young ballerina and suggested she retrain in something called cyber. “Her name’s not even Fatima,” Scott rails. “I think she’s called Desire’e. From New York.”

I mean to ask him about his experience of filming The Pursuit of Love with Lily James and Dominic West, stars of their own recent off-screen micro-scandal in Rome, just in case he lets any scurrilous insight slip, but our time’s up and it’s not as if Scott has much form on offering up scurrilous insight anyway.

Still, I feel grateful to him for meeting me halfway on the other stuff. And so I say goodbye to Andrew Scott, the UK’s foremost gay heterosexual lapsed Catholic faux-priest lust icon with a troublesome eye infection.

#''Tier 3 gayness'' is peak comedy #I'm not sure if I should put this in the tag but y'all can reblog if you need it on yours #long post #andrew scott

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bluecrusadearcade · 3 years

Text

Harrison Osterfield is not your regular irregular

By Baker Street, Gentleman’s Journal quizzes the star of Netflix’s new drama on world records, Sherlock Holmes and his golf swing…

Draped in a silk shirt and paisley scarf, Harrison Osterfield is shivering his way across a brisk Regent’s Park. But he’s not complaining. Why would he? After all, the 24-year-old has dealt with worse. In his latest television series alone — Netflix’s The Irregulars — he’s tussled with demonic crows, paranormal serial killers and even the occult. So a little nip in the air? Nothing to worry about.

“I do have my eye on that jumper, though,” beams Osterfield from behind a bold pair of sunglasses. I don’t blame him. It’s a chunky-knit, funnel-neck number from Connolly, and the next piece of clothing lined up for this al fresco photoshoot. But, for now, the young actor must grit his chattering teeth — and continue striking willowy poses in that billowy shirt.

And those poses are turning heads. Dog-walkers, taxi drivers and tourists are all picking up on Osterfield’s energy; a coolly British blend of big grins and bouncy enthusiasm. He swings from a lamppost! He dances through daffodils! He feeds the pigeons! NW1 hasn’t seen this much action in months…

And we’ve come to Regent’s Park for obvious reasons; Baker Street snakes down from its south-west corner. And, on that famous thoroughfare, sits the fictional digs of Sherlock Holmes. But The Irregulars, a supernatural-tinged drama named for Holmes’ gang of trusty street informants, wasn’t shot in London. Rather, it was filmed on the authentically old streets of Sheffield and Liverpool — the same cobbles walked by the Peaky Blinder boys. So this, Osterfield grins, is a fun opportunity to see the real thing.

“All of the rest of the cast,” he admits, “are really big Sherlock fans. I’ve never really read any of the Sherlock books. I’ve seen maybe one Robert Downey Jr. film? So I was very new going into it.”

Today, then, will be a crash course. Because, after we get Osterfield out of the park (and into that jumper), we’re heading to the Holmes Hotel for a coffee and a catch-up. It’s a relatively new hotel just off Baker Street, decked out with knowing nods to the world’s greatest detective. There’s a bronze bulldog guarding the door, pipe-patterned wallpaper and signature cocktails at the sadly-closed bar (anyone for a ‘Case Closed’?).

But, though there are only suggestions of Sherlock in the Holmes Hotel, Osterfield explains that they’re even subtler in the show. Because The Irregulars, in a nutshell (wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma), sidelines the sleuth, and shifts the focus onto Osterfield and his fellow gang members. The actor plays one of the show’s leads; frail runaway nobleman Prince Leopold. All sullen glances and broken bones, his story is the heart of this first season.

“And it’s been a long project in the making,” says Osterfield, noting that filming on The Irregulars began almost two years ago. “That’s quite daunting. When you’ve spent that much time on something and you’ve got no idea how it’s going to turn out?

“It means that, now, it’s crunch time,” he continues, face creasing with mock-worry, “and I have no idea how people are going to react. But I’m really proud of the work, and that’s what I’m taking away from it.”

The Irregulars may be Osterfield’s first lead role — but he’s been acting for years, popping up in several short films and the George Clooney-directed adaptation of Catch-22 before Netflix took notice. His first role came at 11-years-old, when he was cast as Tiny Tim in his school’s stage production of A Christmas Carol. “It’s funny, actually,” says Osterfield, “because it’s quite a similar physicality to my role in The Irregulars”.

“But that’s where it started,” he continues. “And the real reason I got into acting was because there was this girl in the drama class who I really liked. I thought, if I joined up and impressed her, I could take her out on a date. That didn’t happen. But, although she wasn’t interested at all — the acting seems to be going okay!”

It certainly does. But, like actors all over the world, it’s been a very slow year for Osterfield. He returned to set in September to finish filming the Netflix show — but the rest of his lockdown was eerily, cannily familiar to everyone else’s.

“I went back to my home in Kingston,” he nods, “where I was living with three of my best mates who are also actors. Quite a few of my friends are in theatre, and they had a really tough time of it — not knowing what was going to happen next. I was very lucky, knowing that I was going back to finish something”.

The actor says it was strange being locked-down with fellow performers. With sets closed around the country and curtains falling on theatres, it was one of the first times they had all been at home together. But, even with the additional pressure, he says there were no problems. And there never have been, according to Osterfield — as it’s rare that he and his friends ever compete for the same role.

“We’re all very different castings!” he laughs. “Which is good. It’s a mixed bag, really. But it’s very useful when you’ve got to self-tape an audition and there’s another actor literally upstairs. Also, we’ve all known each other for ten years, so we’ve grown up together and, luckily, know when not to push each other’s buttons.”

With no work, Osterfield spent most of his 2020 getting stuck into lockdown. And he shamelessly tried every self-isolated stereotype. He binge-watched every sports documentary from Drive to Survive to Last Chance U. He upped the frequency and intensity of his workouts. He even tried his hand at cooking. He tried everything.

“I did try everything!” the actor laughs, fizzing once more with that lamppost-swinging, daffodil-dancing energy. “Really! I think I went though every lockdown activity there is. I gave baking a go for two weeks — that didn’t work out. I made a banana bread and that was it. I’m not going to be delving into that any more…

“We were quite lucky, though,” he adds, “because we had an outdoor space. We built a homemade golf net in our garden, by putting up two wooden poles and hanging a blue screen we had left over from filming. That kept us entertained most days”.

But, despite the failed banana breads, closed-off golf courses and Irregulars anxiety, Osterfield says that the worst thing about lockdown was missing his family.

“Because we’re a very close family”, he explains. “Massively so. And, usually, we’d have family gatherings every other weekend – my whole family are in East Grinstead and closer to Brighton, so real countryside. I’m honestly just looking forward to the day, with summer on the horizon, that we can do some good barbecues outside.

“We even tried family Zoom quizzes over lockdown,” he adds, “and they all figured out that I’m not that clever. The rest of my family all seem really, really intelligent. I don’t know if they were just revising beforehand, but I was definitely last a couple of times…”

And Osterfield’s most inspiring family member — not to mention the most irregular — is his 89-year-old grandfather. Despite the young actor upping his own fitness levels during lockdown (“I started doing handstand push-ups. That’s my new skill!”) Osterfield’s grandfather put those athletic achievements to shame.

“He’s fitter than me!” laughs Osterfield. “He’s been kept at home for most of the time and, as a family, we’ve been quite worried about him. But I struggle to keep up with him. I’ll ring him up and ask how his day’s going and he’ll say ‘Oh, hi Harry. Can I call you back later on? I’m just doing some exercise’. So he’s doing better than okay!”

But the exercising, Osterfield says seriously, has been a real lifeline. It’s kept both him and his mind busy during lockdown — and has motivated the actor to pursue more physical, active roles in the future. If he can look back at a body of versatile work, measured out in marked body transformations, he says he’ll be happy.

“I’ve been doing a lot of bodyweight exercise over the last year,” he nods. “I thought it would be quite cool, while in lockdown, to break a world record for something — so I’ve been trying lots of fitness challenges. I’m very close to getting the most burpee chin-ups in under a minute. I’ve got to knuckle down on that.

“I also tried to eat an apple in under 38 seconds,” he laughs. “Which sounds like a long time, but it’s actually quite difficult. And, with apples, I eat everything. Even the middle bit. Even the stem. I just chuck it down. I’m a big fruit bat, so I eat everything apart from the seeds.”

There’s that bouncy energy again; that fun-but-utterly-sincere enthusiasm. It’s an odd thing for an actor, to be so happily unabashed by everything — but the 24-year-old is as animated when talking about his acting as he is about his apples. And that’s nice to see. He’s clearly relishing every opportunity to better himself, and just getting started with what promises to be a very exciting career. Harrison Osterfield, it seems, takes every bite of the apple — literally. Talk about irregular.

#Harrison osterfield #the gentlemans journal #the irregulars #interview

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dadlezal · 4 years

Video

youtube

As I’m very new in this fandom, I’d like to add a very long comment about this Sherlolly ship. But, at the very beginning, I’d like to say I love your works, Mathilde. Your videos make people think and binds different moments of the show into one picture. They’re masterpieces.

Everyone keeps talking about the second “I love you”, but I think there are at least two moments from the last episode that are equally important.

1. “If it’s true, just say it anyway”

Just look at his face when he says it. Of course, the entire sick situation is about Molly loving Sherlock, he figured it out himself (as the only one person in the room), but the moment Molly says “Because it’s true”, Sherlock’s face changes – it softens, as if it was THIS MOMENT when he truly realized what she meant, what it all REALLY meant. This was the moment Sherlock realized how difficult it is to say someone you love them, not knowing if they love you back, or worse, knowing they DON’T love you back. How difficult it is to talk about your feelings. No wonder she says: “You bastard” – she couldn’t have seen his face and voice can betray you. She also discovered he really did know about her feelings and maybe thought he tried to manipulate her once again, brutally using her weakness for him for another sick game. And maybe, just maybe, his voice softens and lowers because he wants to finally face the truth.

2. “What?”

As a person who likes watching a lot of cop shows (especially “The Mentalist”), I can assure you that this is the face someone makes when they’re forced to do something that will reveal the truth about them. Something they want to hide. Something that was hidden inside them and they have been repressing it for a long time. They subconsciously know it’s going to be painful and that is why it’s so hard for them to reveal it. Besides, this time it’s Molly Hooper who plays a game with Sherlock, not the other way around. She stands up to him once again. The same way she said he always says horrible things, the same way she slapped him in the face when he got into drug addiction, the same way she ignored his warning voice when she started talking about the way her father used to hide his sadness. I think that she used to give up to his charms and manipulations very easily but she gained a sort of immunity against it over the time. So, saying “What?”, Sherlock shows his astonishment that she was so tough when he thought she would be vulnerable. It also shows that he got even more scared. He had to not only save her life, but reveal his feelings.

So, the first try comes out a bit insincere, dry. But once he says these words, just to save Molly’s life, he comes to a realization: maybe he doesn’t have to lie. Maybe it doesn’t have to be insincere. We don’t know what was in Benedict Cumberbatch’s head, we don’t know what he thought about their relationship. Of course, there are many people who use the writers’ words as arguments: the thing that is between them is only a friendship. Alright, but we are all allowed to interpret everything the way we want, including actors (the best example is Jim Parsons in “The Big Bang Theory” and the way he plays Sheldon as if he was autistic). Interpreting is not about discovering the author’s intention, but discovering the parts of our experience and ourselves in what we read/hear/see. And I think it’s pretty ugly what they said about Molly: that this “I love you” scene magically helped her move on, she went and banged some random guy and everything was alright. No wonder why Louise Brealey herself got mad at them. This kind of devotion is not easy to get over with. She loved him, truly loved, loved him the way Irene Adler wouldn’t understand. This is why John Watson says: “I want you to be examined by the first person who learned to see through your bullshit. The last person you would think about”. Of course this time Sherlock remembers about her because she was his leverage against Moriarty, but this proves that even Watson knew – Molly has seen a human in Sherlock before he was ready to admit it to himself. That’s why she was so persistent to show him she knows when he’s sad (the scene with “I don’t count” can be a material for another article). And it took me many hits of the replay button on this fanvid of Sherlolly before I realized what Sherlock meant when he asked her if she helped him if he would turn out be a completely different person – because the entire “fall from the roof” scam proved that Sherlock cares about people, and to explain the plot to her, he had to explain the reason for it – he wanted to save his friends, his family – the “emotional context”. And just so you know, I think that Cumberbatch kind of shows the “softness” Sherlock reveals around Molly. Just for a moment, when you rewatch the show, focus your eyesight on Sherlock from the very first scene with Molly. Camera shows he keeps looking at her even when she turns around. He gives her the “gazes”, longer than expected.

Not to mention that Sherlock was soft to Molly before he started being soft to John. She’s the only person he said “sorry” to without being forced to do it, even though Molly said exactly the same everybody used to tell him. And, if I’m not mistaken, Sherlock’s “I love you” said to Molly is the first and the only time Sherlock does it on his own.

And as to the “I don’t count” scene… Sherlock realized there that he wasn’t acting really nice towards her and that is why she assumed he didn’t take her seriously. His reaction was priceless and it was before he realized Moriarty’s plan. Just rewatch the scene and LOOK AT HIM. He was so vulnerable. She got to him. He was the nicest person ever because she made him realize how awfully he was treating her when she was the only person who truly knew him. And when she says: “Do want something? I know you don’t”. A before that, when he says: “What could I possibly need from you?”, he says it only because he’s confused. And it’s not easy to confuse Sherlock Holmes.

And her bedroom was one of his bolt-holes.

For me, they don’t have to be together. I think it would be fair for John and Sherlock to be “without girlfriends/wives” as per original stories. I wouldn’t mind if they knew about each other’s feelings without doing anything about them (except for acting awkward around each other and being occasionally sweet/softly-flirty). I’m guessing, as there are rumours about the fifth season being aired in 2022/2023, if the show continues, the writers will have enough decency to explain how the situation was resolved between Molly and Sherlock, and not the ugly way they did it on Twitter. Knowing Sherlock, he would not know what to do with his feelings, how to play it out. If I had to guess, if the writers go the “Sherlock and Molly getting a bit closer” road, they will probably kill her and she will mention their confession from “The Final Problem” within her last breath. Or, maybe, if they decide to finish the show after the fifth season, they’ll show us an open ending? Like, we will be forever wondering: did they or did they not end up together…?

And I seriously wonder why the authors insist so much on Irene Adler being the only “love interest” of Sherlock. Like… yes, of course, there is a lot of sexual tension between the two of them but it is not romantic. Not even a little bit. Irene provided the proof that yes, Sherlock also has human desires, like sex for instance, but… I don’t see any attachment. I prefer Molly because she brings out the sensitive, vulnerable part of Sherlock, he knows he can be himself, THE TRUE SELF, with her, without having to defend himself with sarcasm and rudeness (he does it often in her presence at the beginning because he knows she is able to see through him but gives up eventually, even more after the roof fall). They remind me of The Hunger Games quote:

What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses.

And I think that’s what Molly is to Sherlock.

#sherlock #sherlolly #john watson #molly hooper #irene adler #sherlock holmes #benedict cumberbatch #thoughts

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duhragonball · 4 years

Text

‘21

Amidst all the popular hype for seeing the end of 2020, it didn’t hit me until about lunchtime what the real highlight is that I’ve been waiting for: For the first time since 1999, the year finally ends in “numberty-number” again. It low-key irritated me that we had to call it “two thousand three” and I was relieved when “twenty-thirteen” caught on, but it still wasn’t right because it was too short, and now we’re back in the sweet spot, and I should be safely dead by 2100, so that’s one less thing I gotta deal with.

Really, even “numberty hundred” rings true to me. “Nineteen hundred” sounds like a year. “Twenty-one-oh-six” sounds like a futur-y year, which is even cooler. So did “Two thousand five”, until I was actually living in it, and it sounds even worse now that it was a long time ago and adults will talk about their childhood happening in that year. Daniel Witwicky would be old enough to get married and grow a fancier beard than me. That’s nuts. My point is that, honestly, it’s the year 3000-3019 that I have to worry about, so if I ever decide to go vampire, those will be the years I hide in the ocean or force society to reset the calendar, whichever’s easier.

I spent New Year’s Eve finishing Superliminal, which I bought on Steam after I watched Vegeta play it on YouTube. It has a similar look and feel to the Stanley Parable, so if you liked one you’d probably enjoy the other, although Superliminal has a different theme. I kept hoping I’d find some secret passage that I wasn’t supposed to take, and a narrator would scold me for finding the “Chickenbutt Ending”, but it doesn’t work that way. Superliminal’s all about puzzles and awesome visuals, but it does have the same soothing design aesthetics as TSP. Honestly, I enjoyed just wandering around in Stanley’s office, and Superliminal does the same thing with a hotel and several other settings. It’s nice.

This got me thinking about how I kind of did everything there was to do in The Stanley Parable, and I sort of wished they would add new stuff to the game, but I’m not sure there would be much point to that. I could play the older version, but it presents the same message, just with different assets. The Boss’s Office would look different, but it’d be the same game. And this got me thinking about various “secret chapters” in pop culture. Secrets behind the cut.

I first heard about this idea in the 2000′s, when fans invented this notion that there was a secret chapter of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I read a website that tried to explain the concept, and of course it lauded J.K. Rowling with all this gushing praise for working an Easter egg into the book, a literary work of “well, magic.”

That pretty well sums up my distaste for Harry Potter, by the way. These days, JKR has thoroughly crapped all over her reputation and legacy, but in the 2000′s it felt like half the planet was in a mad rush to canonize her as a writing goddess, to the point where fans were congratulating her for writing secret chapters that didn’t actually exist. The idea was based on lore from the books about Neville Longbottom’s parents. They were patients in a mental hospital, and he’d go to visit them, and they would give him bubble gum wrappers, intended to demonstrate how far remove they’ve become from reality. The secret chapter lies in those wrappers, which all read “Droobles Best Blowing Gum” or some such. What if Neville’s parents were only pretending to be mentally ill, so as to throw off their enemies? Naturally, they would want to stay in contact with their son, so the bubble gum wrappers would have to contain coded messages. Said code involves unscrambling the letters on the wrappers to make new words, like “goblin” or “sword” or “Muggle” or “Dumbledore”. The problem is that you can also use it to make other words like “booger” or “drool” or “booobbiess.” Play with it enough, and you can make the code say anything you want it to say, which means it’s no code at all.

But the idea was that the not-yet-published sixth HP book would reveal all of this gum wrapper nonsense, and Neville would decode the messages and discover all of his parents’ super-cool adventures. I’m not sure why we needed a secret chapter if Book 6 was going to explain all of this anyway in several not-secret chapters, but that was the whole point. Fans didn’t have Book 6 yet, and they were so desperate to read it that they started trying to extrapolate what would happen next based on “clues” from the previous five. That’s like trying to figure out what Majin Buu looks like by watching the Androids Saga. I guess some wiseguy would have guessed that he’d resemble #19, but that’d just be blind luck.

And when you get down to it, this whole secret chapter business is really just a conspiracy. This is literally how Qanon works. Some anonymous jackass posted vague “hints” on an imageboard, and people went goofy trying to interpret them and figure out what would happen in the future. They call it “research” because they spend a ton of time on this, but there’s no basis to any of it. It took me a few minutes to figure out that you can spell “Muggle” with the words in “Drooble’s Best Blowing Gum”, but that’s not research and it doesn’t prove anything. But all these guys keep looking for “Hilary Clinton goes to jail next week” and lo and behold that’s all they ever find.

In the same vein, the gum wrapper thing was really a complaint disguised as a conspiracy, disguised as a “magical secret chapter”. At least a few fans wanted to see more Neville in their Harry Potter books, they wanted Neville’s parents, or someone like them, to have cool spy adventures or whatever else. The point is, they clearly weren’t getting what they wanted out of the printed works, but they didn’t want to turn against their Dear Beloved Author, so they started casting about for an alternative reality, one where J.K. Rowling wrote a cooler story and hid it in the pages of the one that actually went to press. So instead of just saying “Hey, Order of the Phoenix was kind of a letdown, I hope there’s more ninjas in the next book,” they said “Rowling is a genius because I wanted ninjas and she’s definitely going to give them to me, I have the gum wrappers to prove it.”

The same thing happened all over again when the BBC Sherlock show took a turn for the nonsensical. I don’t know from BBC Sherlock, but I watched the fascinating video critique by Hbomberguy, and it sounds like the show did tons of plot twists until it stopped making sense altogether in the fourth season. If you skip to 1:09:00 in the video, you’ll hear about fan theories that suggested that season four was supposed to be crappy, as part of a secret meta-narrative plan that would be paid off in a secret, unannounced episode that would not only explain everything, but retroactively justify the crappy episodes that came before. But it’s been a few years and it never came to pass, so I think we can call this myth busted.

Most recently, I think we’ve all seen a lot of talk about the final season of Supernatural, where I guess Destiel sort of became canon but only one guy does the love confession and the other doesn’t respond. But I guess he does say “I love you too” in the Spanish dub, which means the English language version was edited for whatever reason. It’s not exactly a secret episode, but the implication is that there’s more to this than what made it to the screen. So the questions turn to what the screenplay said, what the writers and actors wanted to do, etc. etc. My general impression is that SPN fans are a bit more used to crushing disappointment, so they’re not quite as delusional about this show being unquestionable genius, like Sherlock and Harry Potter. Maybe this is an Anglophile thing? Like, if you suck at something with a British accent, people will accept it more unconditionally?

I had seen something on Twitter about how there should have been a secret Seinfeld episode in the 90′s. Someone suggested it at the time, they tape a whole episode, then wait until 2020 to air it, because by then it would be worth a fortune. But they didn’t do it, because it costs a lot of money to make a TV episode, and if you don’t air the show right away, you aren’t making that money back any time soon. Yeah, you might recoup a fortune someday, but Seinfeld was making a ton of money then. It exposes the fannish nature of the idea. A fan would love to discover a cool secret chapter, but a content creator isn’t necessarily keen on making a cool thing and then hiding it where few people would find it.

I thought about doing this myself recently. Maybe Supernatural gave me the bug, but I thought “I’m writing this big-ass story, so what if I wrote me a secret chapter for it? Wouldn’t that be cool?” But no, it wouldn’t be cool, because it’d be the same work as writing a regular chapter, and the same stress I feel when I hold off on publishing it. Except I’d just never publish it, I’d put it in some secret hole on the internet and hope that some superfan who might not even exist can decode whatever clues I leave.

I mean, it’d be awesome if it got discovered and everyone loved it. “Hey, I found this hidden chapter! Mike’s done it again!” And I could bask in the glory. But what if no one finds it? Then I just wasted my time, right? I want people to read my work. My monkey brain needs the sweet, sweet validation of those kudos and comments, folks. Once I realized that, I understood why no one else would want to do a secret chapter either. Easter eggs are one thing, but the bigger bonus features they put on DVDs were pretty easy to find, and with good reason.

I think that’s what made the Stanley Parable so appealing to play, because it teases you with the idea that you can “break” the game and find some extra content that you weren’t supposed to see, but as you go exploring all those hidden areas, it gradually becomes clear that this is just part of the game; you were meant to find all these things, and that’s why they were put here. It’s hidden, but he secret aspect of it is just pretend.

I suppose that what I like about games like TSP and Superliminal is the illusion of secrets more than the secrets themselves. I like roaming through the hallways, having no idea what I might find ahead. I kind of wish I could open all the doors, and not just the ones the game designers put stuff behind, but the reality is that there’s nothing on the other side. I used a cheat code once to explore the unused doors in TSP and it’s just a bright white field on the other side. Interesting to look at, but not much of a reveal. Honestly, the doors themselves are more appealing than anything that could lay behind them.

And that’s probably what makes secrets so fun. They could be almost anything, but once you open the present, the number of possibilities drops to one. If they had ever made that Secret BBC Sherlock Episode, I doubt it would have lived up to expectations, but fans could amuse themselves by imagining what could have been in it. In the end, though, things usually don’t justify the hype. For every Undertaker debut at Survivor Series 1990, there’s a Gobbledygooker debut at Survivor Series 1990. It’s impossible to manufacture a secret with a guaranteed payoff.

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dianadragonfly · 5 years

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Commentary on “The Empty Hearse”

So again, I ended up turning off the writer’s commentary. I realized that I really want to hear Martin and Benedict, who aren’t on this edition. Without subtitles, I can barely follow the writers and producers talking over each other. My hearing must be getting worse in my old age.

Uh, to watch Sherlock’s tears and John’s faint again -- a bit not good. I don’t care that they are fictional, that they are actors, that it’s never happened. I want to collapse with John on the sidewalk every single time.

Ohhhh the hair ruffle and kiss. God I could watch that over and over.

John, that mustache is awful.. Not even the same Martin under it. It covers how expressive he is. Maybe that’s the point. It highlights the numbness.

Jesus Sherlock getting tortured. I mean he looks like Jesus here. Please, if there are any other episodes before I die, could I please please please see Sherlock with the 90s rock star Jesus curls? I won’t ask for anything else. (Other than Johnlock, obviously)

John on the tube is just highlighting how numb he looks. I’d forgotten how long the tube sequence is at the beginning of the episode.

Oh damn, the echo of the hallway moment.

Hello white shirt. What is wrong with me? Instead of talking about the show and how it impacts me, I am busy talking about how Benedict looks in his clothes. But... goddamn...

I need to see the 221B scene with Una Stubbs’ commentary.

Brooding over the city -- I know he’s thinking about the last time he saw John and his fall, but I can’t help but think BATMAN!

The moment where he sees John for the first time. So subtle, but omg! But then, he does something stupid instead. I cringe so hard at this scene. Sherlock, what the hell?

Mary is sitting down now and John finally looks less miserable. I’m finally seeing a look that says “I am proposing” instead of “I am miserable.” Again, these actors are so incredible.

OHHHH SHIITTT!!! IT’S THE MOMENT!

Sherlock knows he’s messed up here. Here we establish the pattern that we will see in Tarmack Hell -- the moment he could make everything okay, or at least say what needs to be said, but instead makes a joke or evades. It’s what drove him to avoid speaking to John as soon as he saw him and instead dress up like a waiter. There are moments when we can see that Sherlock understands. The blink when Molly told him she knows he’s sad, the look he gives John before he jumps off St. Bart’s, and that moment when John hits his fist on the table. I feel so awful for him here. He has screwed up and doesn’t know how to get out of it.

(An aside -- he doesn’t do that with Molly as much.)

Why didn’t he tell John? He knew when he met John that he was suffering from PTSD. A note. Mycroft could have told him. *sigh*

When John yells “Swear to God” I think he’s about to laugh.

That moment between Sherlock and Mary is so sweet. I see more actual affection between Mary and Sherlock than I see between Mary and John. I think they could have continued longer as a threesome, solving crimes, taking care of the baby. I’m not suggesting we go for polyamory here, but that there was a real relationship here that got cut short. Of course, anyone who knows ASD canon (at the time I first saw this, I only had a vague idea of canon) knows that Mary has to die. I just wish it could have lasted longer.

So much angst.

When the taxi drives away, the narrowing of Sherlock’s eyes. He knows Mary is a liar but he doesn’t know what else is up. But he’s intrigued. Suspicious but intrigued.

Oh I love Lestrade’s reaction. I just love Lestrade.

The horror film things here with Mrs. Hudson is so fun!!!!

The Andrew Scott and Benedict Cumberbatch almost-kiss is so freakin hot. . .

Had to shut the computer top so my nine year old didn’t read over my shoulder about me finding a male on male kiss hot...

Okay, this section with the Austin Powers jokes makes me giggle. It’s a bit childish.

I cringe when John attacks the patient thinking he’s Sherlock. hehehe

The fake skeleton crime scene cracks me up. I love this episode though. Moffat and Gattis interacting with the fan world, playing with expectations, undercutting them.

He and Molly are a bit condescending to the train guy.

OOooohhhhh kiss her! Kiss her properly! Enough with those pecks on the cheek! I’ve never shipped Sherolly but I feel for her so much in these moments. Even more than I do John. I realize I focus on on Johnlock because the show runners focus on John, almost more than Sherlock.I used to think the obsession with m/m pairings say something about feminism, fandom, and internalized misogyny, but we really are just taking what culture is giving us.

How many times does Sherlock take books, cars, whole motorbikes from tourists and never face repercussions?

Mary should be driving. She’s the more likely to have trick motorcycle driving in her background. Don’t think they teach that at Sherlock’s posh schools.

I forgot this is the first time they’ve talked since John beat the crap out of him. That last sorry was sincere and John knows it.

THis is as good of time as any to point out that I’m a fan of long swishy coats. I’ve worn them almost exclusively. Trying to avoid live rails that might be electrified, or doing any crime fighting, would be more difficult in a long swishy coat. I remember once that I thought I was going to have to fight my way out of a situation and I was pissed at myself. “I can’t kick ass in this coat” I remember thinking. Sherlock, you are about to electrocute yourself for looking badass.

Okay wil have to finish this last scene in comments. Sorry I don’t know how to do a tumblr cut, friends.

#bbc sherlock #sherlock #the empty hearse #benedict cumberbatch #martin freeman

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 5 years

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Michael in the Mainstream: Epic Rap Battles of History

In September of 2010, a series began that would spend the decade growing, expanding, improving, and even attracting controversy: Epic Rap Battles of History. The concept is simple - take two characters from history or pop culture and have them get into a rap battle where every single line is loaded with clever allusions to the participants. From there, it can go in really any direction - rappers can jump into the middle of a battle, rappers can team up, battles can be heavily skewed in one direction… there’s a lot of variance.

Watching the series grow into something as impressive and well-done as it is nowadays has been quite an experience. The first battle, “John Lennon vs Bill O’Reilly,” is honestly pretty bad by today’s standards, with a weak beat, poor costumes, bad impressions, and just a general lack of polish. But it did have something to it, something that would come to light as more and more episodes were released - Peter Shukoff and Lloyd Ahlquist really had a knack for rapping. I think the best part of the series over the past ten years is watching them go from the green rappers in that original video to incredibly talented and clever writers, singers, and actors, delivering stellar performances left and right in the more recent seasons.

With their first decade behind them, I’ve decided to go season by season and look at what worked and what didn’t as the show grew and evolved. I give an overview of each season, talk about some of the strengths and weaknesses they exhibited, and then go over the best and worst characters and battles of each season.

So, as the announcer says at the end of every intro... BEGIN!!!

Season 1

It’s hard to totally hate this season, but boy is it hard to love it. This was their first season, and their first batch of battles, so I think a little leeway needs to be given here; it’s clear they’re trying to find their footing and see what works and what doesn’t in terms of matchup and characterization. This leads to a lot of the battles of season one feeling really weird in hindsight, with the infamous “Genghis Khan vs The Easter Bunny” being the most standout example.

However, that’s just the most notable bit of wonkiness; there are plenty more decisions and matchups that really seem baffling in hindsight. One of the biggest ones is when Peter portrayed Lady Gaga in a rap battle against Sarah Palin of all people. This leads to a lot of the jokes Palin lobs being a bit more uncomfortable than they would have been if a woman played Gaga; this is notably the only time a female character has been portrayed by a man to this date.

Beyond that some of the matchups are just really nonsensical or rely too much on outdated memes. The worst offender in both regards is probably “Abraham Lincoln vs Chuck Norris,” which features Peter delivering one of his greatest performances in the series as Lincoln against a Lloyd-portrayed Norris who does nothing but spout “Chuck Norris Facts” thst we’re tired and unfunny even back in 2010. Likewise, Vince Offer popping up as backup for Billy Mays is pretty of-the-time, but that battle is actually good so it gets a pass.

Still, there are a lot more battles that do work or at least show a lot of promise. Look no further than the second battle in the series and the one that put them on the map, “Adolf Hitler vs Darth Vader.” While it’s a bit basic lyrically and not quite up to the later standards of the series, it’s easy to see why this became as big as it did. Zack Sherwin and George Watsky get their first guest spots here as Einstein and Shakespeare respectively, and both of them kill it in their roles, with the former even being part of one of the season’s best battles. It’s definitely easy to see why these two are the most reoccurring guest stars in the series.

Ultimately, season one is uneven and experimental, but shows a lot of promise. I think the datedness of some of the battles, particularly in regards to the ones featuring characters like Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga; using these two in particular so early in their careers really robbed us, particularly in the case of Bieber, whose decade-long downward spiral would have made for some really interesting disses. Then there are characters like Mr. Rogers and Genghis Khan, who are just wasted on completely mismatched opponents. There is good stuff here, but it lacks the polish later battles would have, making it hard to recommend revisiting this one. I’d say that with a few notable exceptions, you can safely skip this season.

Best Battle: “Albert Einstein vs Stephen Hawking” is probably the best battle of the sesaon; while the original Hitler/Vader battle is iconic, this one was one of the more clever early battles and if nothing else gave us the first Zach Sherwin performance and an awesome and faithful rendition of Hawking.

Worst Battle: “Genghis Khan vs the Easter Bunny.” As if it could be anything else.

Best Characters:

Lloyd: Abe Lincoln, despite being in one of the weaker battles of the season, immediately cemented himself as one of Peter’s best characters, and it definitely helps he has some pretty hard and creative disses, particularly his line involving Chuck Norris crying his cancer-curing tears on his filmography. It’s no wonder Lincoln is the only president who keeps coming back.

Peter: Darth Vader became one of the most iconic characters in the first few seasons for a reason, and despite his weaker lines here than in his sequels, he still manages to be as cool and intimidating as Darth Vader in a rap battle should be.

Guest: Albert Einstein was Zach Sherwin’s first appearance in the series, and what a first appearance it is! It really isn’t a shock he has been invited back time and time again, as he is an absolute blast in this battle.

Worst Characters:

Lloyd: Chuck Norris is the clear loser in terms of Lloyd’s characters this season. He’s nothing but a string of tired memes, and offers no insight into Norris at all. Frankly it would have been nice if they ripped into Norris harder, seeing as he’s a right-winger, homophobe, and Trump supporter. Portraying him as some cool, unstoppable force really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Peter: Lady Gaga, hands down, and it’s not that hard a decision. She was portrayed terribly and it really is a shame they didn’t wait until later in her career to use her, because there is so much more interesting things to say about her now than back when they made the rap battle and the most interesting things to riff on were the stupid rumors that she was a hermaphrodite and her weird outfits.

Guest: Alex Farnham’s Justin Bieber is whiny, obnoxious, gets few good lines, and is more than a little mean-spirited; keep in mind, this was made early in Bieber’s career, when his only crime was being a kid with a music career who made songs some people hated. It just seems cruel, and considering how he would turn out a few years later, a world of missed opportunity… but that’s par for the course for season one.

Season 2

Season two was the proverbial “growing the beard” moment for the series. Coming out a month after season one, the new episodes already seemed bigger and more polished, starting off strong with a rematch between Hitler and Vader more epic than the original. Things continued solidly until the season peaked with the masterpiece that is “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates.” That battle was a huge game changer, and took the series to new heights, heights the rest of the season after struggled to meet.

The big problem is that about half of the battles post-“Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates” are incredibly forgettable or even bad. “Doc Brown vs Doctor Who” is on the forgettable side, as is the first-ever election battle, which pitted Obama up against Mitt Romney. Romney alone should tell you why this battle is so forgettable; it’s a battle you really had to be there in the moment for, and is frankly a good argument as to why election battles should not be done. It’s not awful by any means, but it really isn’t memorable or relevant.

On the bad side, we have “Frank Sinatra vs Freddie Mercury,” “Batman Vs Sherlock Holmes,” and the infamous “Adam vs Eve.” The former two mostly suffer from awful characterization, with Sinatra being set up in the same way Justin Bieber was to be the clear loser. There’s nothing wrong with a curbstomp rap battle obviously, but considering how Sinatra is NOT a reviled figure like Bieber, this one goes over very poorly. Batman on the other hand mainly suffers from being horribly characterized and having extremely repetitive verses, with both his verses basically reiterating the same points. Neither battle is godawful, but they don’t really make good cases for themselves.

Then there is “Adam vs Eve.” This battle is widely regarded as the worst battle of not only the season, but THE ENTIRE SERIES. There is a very good reason for that: this battle is a massive departure from the style and tone of the series. Adam and Eve here represent stereotypical sitcom man and woman; there are very few Biblical references and the whole thing is very one-sided in Eve’s favor, with the battle basically ending with Adam apologizing for calling Eve a bitch… after she spent the past few minutes insulting his sexual prowess and penis size. There are a lot of double standards here, and it would only have been worse if God’s planned cameo was kept in, where he unambiguously sides with Eve.

But let’s not pretend like these are more than exceptions that prove the rule. Season two is remarkably solid, to the point where some battles have aged far better than you would expect. The prime example of this is “Cleopatra vs Marilyn Monroe;” at the time derided by audiences as just a battle consisting of nothing but slut-shaming, looking back it is a very strong yet lighthearted entry between two incredibly intense battles that has a great beat, clever lines, and strong performances from the two ladies. There are a couple of other underrated gems of the season but this one takes the cake.

The season is notable for a lot of big firsts. This is the first season to nab mainstream celebrities as guests, getting Keegan-Michael Key, Jordan Peele, and Snoop Dogg himself to portray Gandhi, MLK, and Moses, respectively. Unsurprisingly the battles featuring them are some of the very best of the season. It’s also the first season with a woman vs woman battle where both characters are portrayed by women, to much better results than the previous one. It’s the first season to have a two-on-two battle, with the second battle of the season featuring the Mario Bros battling the Wright brothers.

The biggest first however was the new style introduced in the finale: the Royale. This style of battle is basically a one on one to start, with each rapper getting one verse and then after the second rapper’s verse a third party barged in to school them, followed by a fourth and then a fifth. This first one featured famous figures from Russian history: Rasputin, Stalin, Lenin, Gorbachev, and Putin, and it is fun and hilarious, though Putin’s portrayal is definitely a product of its time and clearly made before people realized how evil he is.

This season also has some notable missed opportunities unique to it. The first is that there is a whole scrapped battle that was even teased in the trailer for season two, which would have had Hillary Clinton rapping against King Henry VIII. Peter and Lloyd were disappointed with how the audio came out and so permanently shelved it, though the audio is available online. It would have been interesting to see how it would have turned out, though the audio does not paint the best picture and the battle likely would have been forgettable. Still, it would have been interesting to have both parties in the 2016 election battle be returning rappers.

The second is that, to date, season two is the only season to use video game characters, with Mario, Luigi, and Master Chief being the sole representatives of the art form. This gets weirder with every passing year, as video games continue to become more mainstream and characters like Solid Snake, Samus, Phoenix Wright, Lara Croft, and Kratos continue to be popular suggestions for battles. It just feels like a lot of opportunities are being missed, though there’s always hope now that fans have more say than ever.

Overall, season two was a big, confident stride forward for the series. While there are a few stingers and forgettable battles here and there, the majority live up to the title of the series. I’d say that, moreso than season one, this is a great starting point for the series, This season marks the beginning of what I’d like to call the Golden Age, and I would say there are very few episodes here you should skip.

Best Battle: “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates,” which is not as easy a decision as it seems considering the quality of the season overall. Still, this one probably holds up the best out of all of the episodes, with the rhymes, flow, disses, and beat all being legendary and the surprise interjection from HAL 9000 being nothing short of awesome.

Worst Battle: “Adam vs Eve,” which again, is probably also the worst battle of the entire series.

Best Character:

Lloyd: Gorbachev is the winner here. He’s just a funny, goofy ditz of a Russian leader, and he definitely schools all of the other arguing Russians. His beat is unique and a lot of fun, which definitely helps him stand out even more.

Peter: Peter has a lot of great roles this season, but it’s hard to not give the win to Santa, because Peter was able to hold his own against SNOOP DOGG. Speaking of which...

Guest: Snoop Dogg’s Moses is the standout in a season with no shortage of cool guests. I mean, come on, it’s Snoop

Worst Character:

Lloyd: Adam, hands down, and keep in mind Lloyd also played the now-irrelevant Mitt Romney this season. Adam sucked so bad a bland politician outdid him.

Peter: I’m not sure who told Peter to play Batman like that, but… yeah. Batman sucks here. I hope they bring him back and do him justice someday.

Guest: Jenna Marbles is completely wasted as Eve.

Season 3

Out of the three Golden Age seasons (2 - 4), I think season three is the most uneven and messy. While there are obviously some great battles here - it is part of the Golden Age after all - there are a lot of bad and awkward battles, or at the very least there aren’t as many great battles to make the bad ones seem less egregious. The tone is set by the season opener, the third and final battle between Hitler and Vader which despite a cool Boba Fett cameo ends up feeling underwhelming and boring.

The real issue with this season is that, while there aren’t too many genuinely bad battles this season, even the good ones feel a bit off. For the bad, we have “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc,” which wastes one of history’s most badass woman against a flash-in-the-pan pop star; this battle has very few defenders, and gave woman back woman rap battles even more (undeserved) flack. To the season’s credit it doesn’t really get worse, and the only other weak battles are “George Washington vs William Wallace” (which not only conflates the fictionalized version of Wallace from Braveheart with the real one, but makes George Washington way more boring than he should be) and “Rick Grimes vs Walter White” (which feels like a ratings grab riding off of the coattails of two popular shows, though Lloyd really kills it as Walt).

For the good ones, a lot are held back from the lofty greatness of season two’s best by disappointing flaws. “Superman vs Goku” is fun and performs the miracle of making Ray William Johnson cool for two minutes, but it just feels way too short, especially considering the massive histories of the characters. The finale has a similar issue with shortness; “Artists vs Turtles” pits the TMNT against their namesakes, and the first verse and beat are fantastic, but the turtles get absolutely shafted on lyrics and the whole battle comes off as feeling uneven. This wouldn’t be so bad if this wasn’t a four-on-Four battle. “Stephen King vs Edgar Allen Poe” is so close to being great, as it has fantastic lyrics and a great Watsky performance, but Zach Sherwin chose a weird, raspy voice for King that brings the battle down a bit. It’s kind of sad that a battle between ERB’s two most popular guests is hampered by such an odd choice.

Still, when the season is great, it is GREAT. Key and Peele return, this time playing MICHAEL Jordan and Muhammed Ali respectively, and they kill it. Weird Al shows up playing Isaac Newton and, as expected, is amazing in his battle against Bill Nye. And the series introduces a new, very interesting type of rap battle - the story battle/gauntlet battle. Basically, there is one consistent rapper, and they rap against multiple opponents in succession, usually with some sort of storyline. And what better story to turn into a rap battle than A Christmas Carol? Scrooge goes up against Donald Trump, J.P. Morgan, Kanye West, and the Grim Reaper to learn the true meaning of Christmas, and it’s every bit as awesome as it sounds.

Season three is definitely a good season, and the weaker battles are still worth a listen even if they do have some issues; the only one I’d say is unlistenably bad is “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc” due to how offensive the wasting of Joan is. I feel like people listening to this season will have wildly different opinions on which battles are good, bad, and great, so even if it feels a bit wonky there’s no denying it’s worth a listen.

Best Battle: “Donald Trump vs Ebenezer Scrooge” is a real game changer, and is not only fantastic, but as its only use of profanity is censored you can reasonably play this at a holiday party! If you ever need your quick fix of the Dickens classic, this is the way to get it, as this is remarkably faithful and very good at condensing the story into a rap battle.

Worst Battle: “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc” is just absolutely unforgivable; Joan deserved a more fitting opponent than Cyrus. Katniss was often a suggested opponent, but I feel like even that would be bad, as Katniss has faded from the cultural consciousness over time unlike someone like Harry Potter. Still, Joan deserved way better than to be wasted for some throwaway curbstomp battle.

Best Characters:

Lloyd: Lloyd shows how good it feels to be a gangster with his portrayal of Al Capone, which manages to elevate the battle a bit higher despite the rather cheesy (but not bad) portrayal of Blackbeard opposite him.

Peter: Death, the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, is utterly chilling, devoid of humor, and delivers one of the most legitimately terrifying verses in the series. This is why this ghost doesn’t usually get to speak in adaptations - because not only is he utterly terrifying, he steals the whole show. Peter really killed it with this one.

Guest: A lot of good guests popped in this season, but only one of them was Weird Al as Sir Isaac Newton. His flow is incredible, showing he has come a long way from “I Can’t Watch This.” He even gets a fast rap segment where he gets to show off his “Hardware Store” skills.

Worst Characters:

As uneven as the season felt, Peter and Lloyd actually managed to stay remarkably consistent; Lloyd didn’t play any character I can say was ‘bad’ by any stretch. For a given value of “worst,” Peter’s Donald Trump just pales in comparison to Lloyd’s a couple seasons later. But again, as uneven as the season was, Peter and Lloyd really didn’t do bad. This is the point where the duo really began to come into their own and develop as performers, with them rarely turning in a bad performance from here on out.

The guest, on the other hand... Michelle Glavan’s Miley suffers from the same problems Bieber did two seasons prior - except her battle feels less like a funny curbstomp battle and more like they actually tried to make Miley Cyrus on the same level as ST. JOAN OF ARC.

Season 4

This is, without a doubt, the absolute best season of ERB. This is when they truly found their groove, knew what they were doing, and did nothing but pump out hit after hit after hit. It’s to the point where there is really only one bad battle in the season, and it’s not nearly as offensive as previous season’s stinkers.

Right out the gate this season proved itself by ditching the old tradition of Hitler and Vader and instead delivering up a highly requested matchup - in this case the Ghostbusters and the Mythbusters. The real treat isn’t merely the pitch-perfect portrayals, but the appearance at the end by the B Team and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, which cemented this as a fantastic and unique opening. From here, it was almost nothing but fantastic battles until the midseason finale, which was a battle royale of film directors.

Many argued that the season lost steam upon coming back from break, as “Lewis and Clark vs Bill and Ted” was a bit underwhelming as a return, but from there the season picked up with the criminally underrated “David Copperfield vs Harry Houdini” and then continuing up with the quality, the season peaking with “Eastern Philisophers vs Western Philosophers,” a fantastic showdown between some of the greatest thinkers of history. Somehow “Shaka Zulu vs Julius Caesar” kept up the pace, but I will say the season faltered a bit at the ending.

While “Jim Henson vs Stan Lee” is not bad, and is especially sweet and heartwarming in light of Stan Lee’s death, the use of Walt Disney as a soulless supervillain representing the monopolistic tendencies of his company and not the man himself is a rather contentious choice. It doesn’t help that the battle feels a lot more mellow and peaceful, which mostly has to do with the two men battling. It frankly feels like this should have been the midseason opener and the philosopher battle should have been the finale, since the latter battle feels a lot more epic and climactic.

The only truly bad battle of the season is, unfortunately, “Oprah vs Ellen,” which did nothing to alleviate the stigma of women characters in rap battles. I feel like the major issue with this one is that Oprah just has terrible lines and delivery, with some of her lines having painfully forced rhymes. Not helping is that it came hot on the heels of “Jack the Ripper vs Hannibal Lecter,” one of the best battles of season four’s first half.

Still, that’s a small blip on this season’s radar. To wrap things up on a more positive note, this season features perhaps the most unique battle in the franchise: “Zeus vs Thor.” Not only is it the only battle between deities so far, it is also the only battle animated entirely with Legos. It not only helps it stand out due to its unique style, it makes the battle more timeless and not prone to aging poorly in terms of visuals. It’s just overall a showcase of the brilliance of Peter and Lloyd - which is really something that can be said of the whole season.

This is, once again, the very best season of the show. It’s almost nothing but incredible, fantastic works from start to finish. Even the couple of battles that I feel are a bit weak tend to have some good stuff going for them. This was really where the series was at the top of its game, and I genuinely feel that there was nowhere they could go from here but down… and down they did go.

Best Battle: In a season full of fantastic battles, the gold medal still undoubtedly must go to the philosopher battle. The awesome beat! Laozi beatboxing! Nietzsche! It’s really something special.

Worst Battle: “Oprah vs Ellen,” for the reasons stated above. It’s not even so much that it’s bad as it is really underwhelming and filled with awkward lines, but it does stick out as notably poor in an otherwise stellar season.

Best Characters:

Lloyd: This is another Stellar season for Peter and Lloyd; it’s hard to pick just one great performance, but Lloyd voicing Stay Puft is certainly a hilarious treat.

Peter: Peter’s portrayal of Julius Caesar is one of the best showcases of his acting talents this season. I’d say it’s tied with Robocop, who Peter also knocks out of the park.

Guest: This season was absolutely stellar in regards to guests, so honestly picking the best is really a tossup. A personal favorite of mine is Dan Bull’s Jack the Ripper, who is equal parts chilling and entertaining.

Worst Character: It could only be Oprah, what with her painful rhymes and poor verses. That being said, she’s probably the only rapper I could stretch to call bad this season, as Peter and Lloyd has no bad showings and the other guests were pretty great.

Season 5

Welcome to the Dark Age. Season five is without a doubt the most divisive season of the series, and I do feel that that is a bit unwarranted because there are some truly fantastic battles here, probably more than there were in Golden Age seasons like three. The major issue with this season is not really a problem with the battles themselves, but a two-pronged meta problem: burnout, and the toxic fanbase.

The burnout was a long time coming. Peter and Lloyd had been doing ERB nonstop for half the decade at the point this season came out, and as the finale of the season, a rematch between Peter and Lloyd, showed the two were tired, frustrated, and hitting walls in terms of creativity. They obviously loved the series - there was still plenty of passion, creativity, and wit in the battles - but they needed a break, especially since Peter had recently become a father.

The other issue was far less predictable. When the 2010s began, making fun of Nazis and conservative ideology was cool, fun, and pretty much what anyone with a functioning brain was doing. But over the 2010s, a lot of radicalization began occurring due to social media and its ability to give platforms to awful people who shouldn’t be allowed to talk. Nazis, alt-right, conservatives, anti-SJWs, they all started building up over the decade and trying to wage a culture-wide war on sensitivity and empathy, instead trying to convince others that the plight of those who are disadvantaged due to how the ruling class structured society is not worth addressing and that things are fine the way they are. Trump’s depressingly successful presidential campaign did nothing but embolden and strengthen the resolve of these creeps, and that kind of leads into the three most contentious battles of the season - “Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson,” “Donald Trump vs Hillary Clinton,” and “Bruce Banner vs Bruce Jenner.”

“Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson” got a lot of flack for seemingly being one-sided in Douglass’ favor, with him almost solely attacking Jefferson for his owning of slaves and not really establishing himself well. While the battle isn’t particularly engaging and I didn’t really come out feeling like I learned much about Douglass, a lot of the criticisms at the time seemed more focused on being angry that this battle addressed that slavery was actually a thing at all and that the battle watered things down to “Jefferson bad!” This is of course disregarding that even Douglass admits in his final verse that Jefferson did a lot for the country, but that we need to address the bad parts of him more than we do. Still, this was small potatoes compared to the latter two battles.

These two battles are what made Pete and Lloyd really pause due to the negative reactions both battles garnered. The election battle received a lot of criticism for seemingly having a “left-wing bias,” as despite it following a similar structure to the previous presidential election battle, Lincoln’s appearance was a lot more focused on berating and abusing Trump. One needs to keep in mind though that Trump had already definitively shown he was a racist, misogynistic scumbag at this point in the presidential race, all of his lines were based on things he actually said, and he was pretty much the strongest rapper in the battle, getting in a lot of good disses. The battle is only “one-sided” in the minds of people who want to be angry at everything; it’s no more one sided than any of the Hitler and Vader fights, it just so happens that one combatant is more evil than the other and so deserves more abuse.

“Banner vs Jenner” seemed to get flack almost entirely due to its acknowledgment that trans people exist. I will be the first to admit that Caitlin Jenner is not really the best person to be using to push a pro-LGBT+ message, especially considering her political leanings, but the fact remains that there was a massive influx of transphobic comments in regards to the battle, mostly with very tired “The connection is they are Bruces who turn into monsters Lol” jokes. This drowned out a lot of legitimate criticisms of the battle - namely, that Jenner got to ramble on for several bars in her second verse while Hulk barely got to get in any good jabs. It’s even more disappointing because the first verses for both rappers was fantastic, and the second half of the battle looked to be shaping into something great… and then Jenner rambled on and on and on. But it was hard to find much constructive criticism because there was just so much hate and tasteless comments. Stuff like that upset Peter and Lloyd, as they had assumed their fanbase was more progressive and forward-thinking, but with how the internet works, they severely misjudged the kinds of people who had infested their fanbase.

It really is a shame that those battles tend to overshadow the entire season five conversation, because boy are there some really great battles here. There’s underrated gems like the overhated “Wonder Woman vs Stevie Wonder,” strong female rappers like Julia Child in her battle against Gordon Ramsay, long-requested matchups like “James Bond vs Austin Powers,” and even a great story battle with “Ivan the Terrible vs Alexander the Great,” which has Ivan murdering his way through historical figures with “The Great” in their titles. It’s a lot of fun, and Peter’s performance as Ivan is a showcase of his talents.

However, the season’s greatest contribution to the series is most definitely the penultimate battle, which is “Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill.” This might very well be the most epic battle in the series: the ever-popular announcer for ERB’s news jumping in to battle the only man in history who could possibly be ballsy enough to stand up to him. It’s to the point where even as the battle ends, the two are still roughly on even footing and it’s hard to say who won. If this had been the season finale, or even the series finale if they had decided not to continue, things would be perfect.

This season is overshadowed by controversy, and it really isn’t totally fair. Most of the controversy is around the guys trying to be more progressive and for punching hard at Trump but not Clinton, and while I can’t say I love the results (the controversial battles are definitely the weakest of the season) it really shouldn’t be held against them for trying to be socially conscious and they certainly should not be shamed, berated, or told to leave politics out of their battles (rap is an inherently personal genre, so politics are always going to find a way in, especially if the characters they’re portraying are, you know, politicians). I think a lot of great battles are overlooked, all because of the more controversial ones, and that’s a real shame, because this is a solid season only held back by the controversy it found itself mired in due to the state of the internet at the time.

Best Battle: “Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill,” naturally.

Worst Battle: “Bruce Banner vs Bruce Jenner,” though it entirely comes down to how the second half of the battle was handled; having this be the battle was not in itself a bad idea, and was actually pretty clever. The poor, lopsided battle biased in the favor of a character who is a terrible person in real life simply because they’re trans (or at least that’s kind of the vibe the episode gives) really doesn’t help. Frankly I wish they had given the first trans character in the series honor to someone more worthy, like the Wachowski sisters.

Best Character:

Lloyd: Teddy Roosevelt is the obvious choice, but I almost feel like it’s cheating since he is a mainstay on the channel. If we discount him, Frederick the Great is the clear winner for stealing a whole battle in twelve bars.

Peter: It’s honestly a tie between Austin Powers and Ivan the Terrible. Peter really rocked it with his performances in this season, and those two are some of his best roles ever.

Guest: In one of the most out-there yet awesome guest spots ever, we have T-Pain as Stevie Wonder, ditching the auto tune and delivering sick rhymes while tastefully portraying Stevie’s blindness.

Worst Character: Once again, Peter and Lloyd manage not to put in any bad performances, which really is a testament to how far they’ve come as entertainers.That only leaves one spot, the guest, and it really has to go to the elephant in the room: No Shame’s Caitlin Jenner.

I don’t really blame No Shame here; because she had the unenviable position of playing Jenner in the first place; Jenner is not exactly a beloved figure in the LGBT+ community or otherwise, and while it is cool they got a trans rapper to play a trans character, I feel like backlash here was inevitable just because of who it was.

What doesn’t help is that Jenner rambles on for a ludicrous amount of bars, getting in way more disses than Hulk did and not having any of her negative qualities addressed, which is especially baffling considering her real life political leanings and manslaughter charge being ripe for mockery. It ultimately comes off as tokenism, like they were trying to force a win for the first trans character by handicapping her opponent and ignoring her flaws, which ultimately backfired as most people give the win to Banner/Hulk as opposed to Jenner.

I really hope ERB does a trans character again, because there are plenty of interesting trans people throughout history, but I really hope they avoid the pitfalls Jenner fell into and make it a fair and balanced rap battle.

Season 6

After a hiatus that lasted through 2017 and until the end of 2018, the boys dropped a bonus battle to show they were coming back. And lo and behold, in the spring of 2019 season six dropped! While it is only half over by the decade’s end, one thing is for sure: Peter and Lloyd are back in top form.

The battles this time around seem to be a lot of highly requested matchups, which is not a huge shock - I believe certain tiers of donors who support them get a direct line to speak to the people behind ERB. It’s to the point where Robin Williams appearing in the comedian battle Royale was not the original plan, but he was so highly requested they added him in. Continuing the trend of popular requests opening seasons, this one kicks off with the long-awaited “Freddy Krueger vs Wolverine.” It’s clear how much their lyricism has improved, and the visuals in the battle are incredible, setting the bar high for the season.

Most of the battles in the first half sadly don’t try and go for creative backgrounds, sadly; only “Joker vs Pennywise” and “Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin” really do interesting stuff with their backgrounds. Still, the other battles make up for it in other ways, typically with deft lyricism and great flow. In fact, even though not all the battles are top-tier, it’s telling that the weakest battle so far is “Mother Teresa vs Sigmund Freud,” which only suffers because of how repetitive the disses get, especially on Freud’s end - Teresa’s flow and disses hit hard, Freud has a solid second verse, and the best is very fun. The worst thing I can say about it is that it feels like a holdover from season two, and considering this has been a matchup they’ve wanted to do for a long time, it wouldn’t shock me if it is.

The production values are astounding, and the overall visuals are the best in the series, but alas there are some hiccups. Freddy Krueger and Thanos in particular look a bit off; their battles are obviously not bad, but the costumes leave something to be desired, though considering these guys aren’t a multimillion dollar film studio it’s fair to cut a little bit of slack. What can’t be excused, however. Is the constant use of outdated memes, the worst offender being a reference to “What Does the Fox Say” in the rap battle between Che Guevara and Guy Fawkes (Side note: it is absolutely hilarious that Guy Fawkes and Joker both debuted in this season, considering… well… this). Almost every battle so far this season has contained a dated visual or lyrical reference, though they don’t really ruin the battles.

Overall, the season is extremely good so far, and showcases perfectly how far Peter and Lloyd have come since that first rap battle between John Lennon and Bill O’Reilly. The flows, the beats, the lyrics, the costumes… it’s all so good now. Long gone are the awkward days of the early seasons, and the burnout that was evident in season five is truly gone. These guys are having fun again, and I look forward to the rest of this season in 2020.

Best Battle: So far this season has almost been nothing but smashes, but perhaps their greatest accomplishment is “The Joker vs Pennywise,” which manages to play off the relevancy of both killer clowns while giving us some of Peter and Lloyd’s best performances to date, with Peter in particular doing a phenomenal Mark Hamill impression. The battle is also a bit longer than usual, with each rapper getting three verses, allowing them to cram in numerous references. Joker is definitely the wittier and funnier rapper, but Pennywise has a much better flow, which honestly plays to their actor’s strengths. This is my personal favorite battle of the series.

“Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin” is honestly tied, as it also plays off the duo’s strengths and is very fun with an energetic, badass beat.

Worst Battle: A lot of people point to “Vlad the Impaler vs Count Dracula” for its slow pace and goofier take on Dracula, or “Ronald Mcdonald vs The Burger King” for being recycled from their “Flash in the Pan Hip Hop Conflicts of Nowadays” side series with very little in the way of improved lyrics. On both counts I disagree; I think both are good battles, with the latter being one of my favorites due to how goofy it is. So far, though, the battle that was the biggest disappointment was “Mother Teresa vs Sigmund Freud.” This was one a long time coming, but the payoff isn’t quite worth it. Most of the jokes on Freud’s side are incredibly repetitive, and in general his flow is weak compared to Teresa, who just absolutely kills it with creative and witty deliveries. It leads to this weird feeling of Freud being a season one character in terms of quality, which is a real shame.

Best Character:

Lloyd: Lloyd just oozes the charisma of Steve Irwin and Robin Williams when he plays them, easily making them the standout performances of this half of season six.

Peter: Peter brings his A-game as Joker, as mentioned above, but he also manages to be incredibly chilling and awesome as J. Robert Oppenheimer, easily outdoing Thanos in their rap battle. Oh snap!

Guest: This is a season of ties, it looks like, cuz Jackie Tohn as Joan Rivers and Gary Anthony Williams as Bill Cosby really change the tone of the comedian royale for the better. Cosby barely gets any lines, mind you, and spends most of the battle drugged and getting abused by Tohn’s Joan Rivers, but there’s just something hilarious about the ERB guys getting Uncle Ruckus to play a drugged-out Cosby. As for Rivers, she’s just perfect.

Worst Character: Visually, Thanos is not the best, and lyrically, Freud isn’t great, but I don’t think either of them deserves to be called ‘the worst.’ So far, this season has managed to avoid any overt stinkers.

And so we come to a close. Ten years of rap battles, ten years of growing and improvement, ten years of a rollercoaster ride of quality… it really is amazing that Peter and Lloyd have consistently managed to come back to this series and find new ways to breathe life into it. Considering their more recent videos, I can only hope they keep up this level of quality into the next decade. Here’s to another ten years of ERB!

…

Oh, alright, I’ll talk about the bonus battles. So far, there have been two: “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” came out between seasons four and five, and “Elon Musk vs Mark Zuckerberg” came out a few months before season six kicked off to show us all that, yes, the boys were back, and they weren’t messing around. Both battles are pretty indicative of the time period they were made; “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” has that extremely high level of quality in terms of writing and characterization that season four did, and “Elon Musk vs Mark Zuckerberg” has the sort of rejuvenated, fresh feeling the season six battles have. I will say I much prefer the former than the latter, as the latter does at least somewhat come off as an attempt to recapture the glory of “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates,” only with two far less charismatic inventors, but it’s still pretty fun and clever in its own right. “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” is, without a doubt, one of their best battles ever, and does justice to two of the most beloved ensemble darkhorses in all of media. I can only hope any bonus battles in the future are up to these two in terms of quality.

Now with all that said… here’s to another decade of ERB! May they only continue to grow and improve in the 2020s!

#Michael in the Mainstream #Review #web show review #epic rap battles of history #ERB #rap #nice peter #epiclloyd #history #rap battles #comedy #Youtube

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littleteacupdragon · 5 years

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But I can’t dance

Word count: 2200

Pairing: romantic anxeit

Summary: Virgil doesn't dance, but there's something that may change that.

Warnings: sympathetic Deceit

Ao3 link: here

Im really proud of this fic, it's the best thig I've written in a long time and half of it got to exist because I couldn't fall asleep at 1AM. Enjoy!

It started out as a joke, he didn't mean it. They were just chilling in silence, cherishing the simple companionship of being in the same room doing separate things. It was peaceful, a rare occurrence in the mindscape, considering Roman's rather loud habits and Remus' even louder shenanigans.

Deceit was reading some book which looked like a Sherlock Holmes novel - probably lent to him by Logan; the two have been bonding over mystery novels, the latter surprised that Deceit had never actually read any of Conan Doyle's books before. He was extremely protective of his copies but came to the conclusion that, even as the embodiment of lies, Deceit would take good care of them. If not, he could always think of something to make it even (that's what he was telling himself to calm down the irrational uneasiness connected to giving someone a thing one really cares about. But Logan trusted him and had no evidence to assume the worst here).

Virgil was sitting on his phone, switching apps every few minutes; it was not his fault that there wasn't anything interesting there that particular day. Or maybe it just wasn't a day for social media? Whatever. The important part was that nothing could hold his attention for longer than ten minutes and it was getting on his nerves. And to add to that, he had no desire to do anything else - just thinking about picking up a book made him despise the mere concept of doing so. Music? That didn't seem right either, he had a feeling it was a day that would leave him skipping song after song after song before they even started - sometimes it was like that. Nothing to do about it, sadly.

A loud melody startled both of them. Lost in thoughts, Virgil accidentally unmuted a video on Instagram. He scrambled to turn it back off, heart rate a bit too fast to be considered normal, hands shaking slightly, mind helpfully chiming in with the realisation that he almost threw his phone to the ground. Taking a deep, although a bit stuttering, breath, he glanced at the other side in the room, who was looking at him with an eyebrow raised in slight mockery everyone learned to look past and see the hidden concern.

"Sorry about that", he said, looking back down on the offending device. The video was still playing, although now muted. A pair danced in a semi-slow fashion, something that looked like a complicated waltz. They were going in circles in a big ballroom, the lady in a long, volumous dress and heels, the man in a suit. Virgil heard a "nothing to apologise for", but was too focused mostly on watching the two gracefully glide across the floor to respond in a way other than humming an affirmation that he heard it.

He wondered what it would feel like, to dance like that. Having trust in one's partner that they will lead it well, having trust that they will be there to catch you if you stumble, keeping a secure enough hold for it not to be a problem. Even without the music playing Virgil could see that the two on the video were professionals, synched perfectly with each other. He wondered how does that feel, being so in tune with the music and another person.

"Hmm", Virgil heard right next to his ear. He hadn't realised that Deceit had stood up and joined him, bending down to see his screen, ending up just a tad too close for Virgil to feel at ease. He startled for the second time in minutes.

"Jesus, Dee, don't sneak up on me like that", he turned his head to look the other in the eyes, turning back after just a second. Eye contact had never been his strong suit. "I swear, one of those days I will make you wear a collar with a bell", he mumbled, more to himself than anything else.

"Sure you will", Deceit replied. Honestly, he'd like to see him try. "what’s gotten you so hypnotised? Never seen anybody dancing?", he teased lightly.

"Fuck off. Just got distracted with my own thoughts", was what he got instead of hearing the real reason, which Virgil was not going to tell him. It's not that he felt like it was bad, it was just... Embarrassing. Because really, Thomas was an actor who could dance, but the fragment of his being couldn't? That didn't make an ounce of sense.

“Oi, Virgil, Virgil", Deceit shook his head in disapproval, walking those two steps to come out from behind the other's back to face him. "Half-truths are lies, too", he smiled a bit, seeing the frustration in Virgil’s eyes.

"You're awful".

"Why thank you, my dear Anxiety", Deceit smiled more as he heard the groan of exasperation. What could he say, compliments that were not meant to be compliments were the best. After basking in the moment for a bit, he reached out his gloved hand "So", he started, "would you like to dance?"

Virgil gave him an incredulous look, warily considering the offer. He wanted to, that was for sure, but did he want to dance with the master of lies? Besides, there was the other thing stopping him from accepting, probably the most important one.

"I can't dance", he admitted.

Deceit was still smiling when Virgil looked up for another split second, but this time he saw it getting a bit softer. More genuine.

"I can", Deceit stated simply, arm still outstretched in invitation.

It was silent after that, the air filled with buzzing energy coming from Virgil himself - the anticipation and slight fear of making the decision.

"Whatever, what do I have to loose?", he thought finally, taking Deceit’s hand and standing up with only a bit of his help.

Once fully on his feet, he saw that they weren't in the commons anymore. They were in a large room, full of light coming from multiple gothic-styled windows, far too many to count just by one glance. The rays of sunlight were seeping through the glass, some tinted, some not, leaving the floor bathed in the array of colours. It was spacious, but didn't feel empty. Honestly, Virgil was quite impressed.

"Roman made you practice?", he spoke up, deciding to tease Deceit as well, getting back on him for earlier.

"Oh please, I was the one showing him all those tricks in the first place".

Virgil liked their banter. It was light and teasing, not bordering on being mean (like it usually ended with Roman). It was a very thin line with that one, always balancing just on the edge of the next big argument while with Deceit he could be at ease, knowing nothing bad will come from a bit of jabbing here and there.

Lost in thought again, Virgil came round after a hand had touched his arm gently. He looked up at the other, question clear within his eyes, as Deceit only smiled lightly.

"Glad to have you back in the present", Deceit said, taking his hand back, only to grasp at Virgil's own and pick it up to start positioning them to dance. Virgil's breath hitched a bit at the contact, nothing new considering how unfamiliar it was to casually be so close to someone else. It did earn him a raised eyebrow, a questioning look of 'are you okay?', to which he just nodded. Deceit might have posed for a tough guy persona most of the time, but he was actually really caring and perceptive. No matter what he said, he would never hurt any of the others and Virgil knew that.

Maybe that's why he agreed to this in the first place.

"Since I'm the one leading, I'm going to have to put my hand on your waist", Deceit warned him this time, doing as he said after getting a nod. "And your other hand goes on my shoulder".

Virgil did as he was told. The sensation of being held like that, especially the hand resting on his waist, was a bit mentally uncomfortable. He wasn't used to this, it felt weird, like TV static on his skin under the safe cover of his hoodie. He felt awkward, but there was no backing out now.

Deceit brought him a bit closer, which was simultaneously better and worse. Better because he could now rest his hand on the other's shoulder more comfortably, but worse because they were closer and his bend down head was just a few inches away from Deceit's chest. They were relatively the same height, Deceit just a tiny bit taller, which came in handy in situations like that.

"Head up, sunshine", Deceit took the hand that was resting on Virgil’s waist to gently lift his chin up, just enough to have it not bend down, not enough to make Virgil look into his eyes. It was not necessary and would only make him more uncomfortable than he already was. Vigil appreciated that greatly.

“Move your right foot forward”, Deceit spoke gently, mirroring the move as Virgil followed the instructions. “Now your left foot goes forward and to the side”. So he did. “Bring them together...”, his voice became more quiet the further they got, to the point when he wasn’t saying anything at all, letting the other get used to the steps.

The music started soon enough and Virgil slowly let himself relax in the other’s arms. He did stumble here and there, loosing focus and forgetting what came next (especially at the beginning), but it was an easy enough dance. They were not as graceful as the pain in that video, but he found that he didn’t mind all that much. He was dancing.

He was dancing.

It brought out a chuckle from him, a smile he didn’t realise was on his face for quite a while getting a tad wider. He finally looked up into his dancing partner’s face and his breath hitched for the second time that day. Deceit was looking at him with so much unfiltered fondness in his eyes, Virgil was afraid he’d get overwhelmed. His heart sped up, mind noting how close they were (when had they gotten so close?), but he couldn’t avert his eyes. He was admiring how the scales Deceit wore proudly nowadays were glistering in the light, changing colours with it as they moved. Had his eyes always been so full of light as well or was it just an illusion?

Virgil looked down finally, feeling his cheeks heating. Stupid. What was that about? Have you gone mad? What the fuck, Virgil? What the fuck?

They stopped moving, which instantaneously set off all the alarm bells in his head. He’d fucked up. He’d fucked up. He’dfuckedupfuckedupfuckedupfuckedup-

Deceit let their outstretched arms relax and let go of Virgil’s hand, moving it to rest Virgil’s chin while the other stayed on his waist.

“Head’s up, darling”, he whispered, not putting any pressure on his fingers to lift the other’s head. He was letting Virgil make this decision. It wasn’t something he was going to push the other to do, not when they both could feel the tension buzzing around them. Not when they both knew exactly what kind of tension it was.

Virgil gulped, feeling anxiety bubbling up in his gut, but it was accompanied with something different. Something he wasn’t sure the name of, but it told him to just do it. It was too late to back out now.

And so he lifted his head up, once again looking into those beautiful mismatched eyes.

“Here you go”, Deceit smiled and just like that, leaned in to kiss him.

It was soft. It was soft and warm, and uncertain on Virgil’s side, but Deceit was patient, just like with dancing. He went slow, silently assuring Virgil that it was okay, or at least that’s what Virgil was telling himself afterwards. When Deceit’s hand sneaked around his neck and his fingers tangled in his hair, Virgil could feel the shivers running down his spine. It was overwhelming, but he didn’t mind being overwhelmed in that way.

When they parted, Virgil’s cheeks were burning, but he was smiling. Deceit touched his face, thumb caressing his cheekbone, careful not to smudge the emo’s eyeshadow.

“It’s been a wonderful experience dancing with you Virgil”, Deceit said, a smug smile forming on his lips.

Virgil snorted and moved his face away. “Fucking liar”, he said, but reciprocated the smile.

“You may be”. Deceit lifted his eyebrow. He watched Virgil take in what he just said and laughed when he was pushed away.

The anxious one rubbed his face, muttering ‘why do I still deal with this bullshit’, not quietly enough for the other not to hear, so the next second, when he looked up, he got flipped off.

All’s well that ends well. And if that day resulted in Roman being subjected to Deceit making more innuendos towards Virgil than usual and more allusions towards Roman being the hopeless romantic without a boyfriend, well, that couldn’t be helped, could it now?

(Though Roman’s agitated face was one of the most hilarious things Virgil has seen when he found out what’s been going on).

#anxceit #romantic anxceit #deceit sanders #anxiety sanders #sanders sides fic #sanders sides #sympathetic deceit #sanders sides deceit #sanders sides virgil #ts deceit #tw deceit

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slamsams-blog · 4 years

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Spectre - #24WeeksofBond

This week’s film in our 24 weeks of Bond marathon is the latest film in the franchise, 2015′s Spectre. This would be, (or so he thought at the time), Craig’s final Bond outing...hence why it’s been SO INCREDIBLY LONG for a new Bond movie to come out. Craig had other things he wanted to do before he could be convinced to suit up as Bond one more time. But man oh man, am I over these 3, 4, or 5 year gaps in between Bond films. Daniel Craig has held the role of Bond longer than any other actor - even longer than Roger Moore! That’s is pretty crazy to think about. Hopefully the next actor to play Bond isn’t so wishy-washy and we get regular installments at a better pace. Here’s hoping...ANYWAYS

Spectre is a beautifully cinematic, high speed, throwback to the classics that all too often gets the “Tomorrow Never Dies” treatment. This film was Sam Mendes’ second Bond film in a row, the first one being “Skyfall” which has been regarded as one of the best Bond films not just of the modern era, but of all time. So when Spectre came out with the same director at the helm, everyone was expecting it to be the greatest film in all of cinema history. Unfortunately, it just didn’t quite live up to the hype and therefor this movie gets unfairly ragged on.

Not just ragged on...but absolutely SHIT ON. I’m not kidding. I’ve seen a lot of “Bond ranking” posts and YouTube videos where this film is in the bottom 5, and one time I even saw it at the bottom. THE BOTTOM. Like, worse than “Die Another Day”. If you actually think that Spectre is a worse movie than Die Another Day, then you either have no clue what you are talking about, have poor taste in action movies, or are just trying to be controversial to be controversial. Spectre is by no means the best Bond movie ever, it has its plot holes for sure...but it is CERTAINLY not the worst, and y’all need to start showing this film some damn respect. Pardon my “R” rated language, YouTubers got me hot!

All that being said, I REALLY enjoy this film. Right from the beginning we have an incredibly visually stunning pre-title sequence at a Day of the Dead parade in Mexico where we see Bond mysteriously tracking a stooge. With heart pounding music, incredible costumes, and a beautifully shot scene of Craig tight-roping the roofs of the buildings that causes my anxiety to explode...this is such a stimulating experience. We later find out that Bond was going rogue and M is pissed and suspends him indefinitely. But Bond is just following a trail that Judi Dench left for him in a video she recorded before she died. Why didn’t she tell Bond about this before she died? Whatever...it’s just a movie.

This leads Bond to uncovering an organization called “Spectre”. You can find the acronym for it in my “From Russia With Love” post! Bond infiltrates a secret meeting to where he finds out the man at the head table is someone from his past. The man, who eventually turns out to be Franz Oberhauser (Christoph Waltz) was once a boy who’s father had taken Bond in when his parents died, making ole Franz jealous, and eventually kills his father and fakes his own death...after he was declared dead he adopted a new name - Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Odd choice, but here we are. We have a Blofeld again!

Waltz was an exciting pick for the part, but he doesn’t blow me away in the role. There is always a subtle creepiness to him, but I think he could’ve done more with it. There was talk of him being replaced as Blofeld in the next Bond movie, but there was enough fan outrage where they squashed that...so I guess he’s doing something right.

One fun aspect of this film is that there is a Bond villain, that Bond never deals with. Max Denbigh (Andrew Scott) or “C” as Bond dubs him, not really sure why, is a surveillance officer working for MI6, but secretly for Spectre. Not so secret though, if anyone has seen “Sherlock”, the mere sight of Andrew Scott makes you think he has to be a villain. He strolls in and politics his way into dumping the double 0 program in favor of ultra cyber security and drones. If successful, Spectre would have full control over everything. This guy is all M’s problem, and he deals with him from concept to completion. Atta boy M! I just always liked how M was on his own with this storyline.

Another aspect about this film is Bond is falling in love with Madeline Swann (Lea Seydoux), the daughter of Mr. White who has been a thorn in Bond’s side working for Spectre. Mr. White has seen the light and now Spectre has poisoned him, giving Mr. White reason to give Bond all the info he needs and to protect his daughter. To me this relationship is a bit rushed and forced. Bond and Vesper in Casino Royale was done properly, but here, Swann seems to fall in love rather out of the blue. And we’re supposed to believe he is leaving MI6 for her.

We’re also treated to a badass train car fight! I love me a good train car fight...sadly I don’t think there are any more in the series. Bond comes face to face with the silent, giant, dagger thumbnail mammoth of a man named Mr.Hinx (Batista). I’m a little biased here because I’ve been a lifelong Pro-Wrestling fan. But I gotta say, Batista has acting chops. This train car fight scene is BRUTAL, and is the scene I think about when I think about this movie.

In conclusion, Spectre is a beautifully shot film with an extra dash of humor, and an excessive amount of call backs to past Bond films. The voodoo-esque nature in the opening (Live and Let Die), the clinic where Bond finds Madeline Swann (On Her Majesties Secret Service), the crator where Blofeld resides (You Only Live Twice), the ejector seat! (Goldfinger). While it’s fun to see Spectre tip it’s hat to the past, as a die hard Bond fan, you kind of go “ok, I get it”. And of course, they kept dropping hints in the movie that Craig was leaving the franchise which stressed me out - especially at the end. I LOVE Daniel Craig as Bond and I, for one, was not ready to let him go just yet. Also, because of the number. What I mean by that is the number of films each actor has done has been different. After “No Time To Die” this will be the movie tally:

Lazenby: 1

Dalton: 2

Brosnan: 4

Craig: 5

Connery: 6

Moore: 7

The next actor to play Bond, can ONLY do 3 movies. If he doesn’t, it just might bother me for the rest of my life. Unless he goes for 8? Well, my obsessive compulsive disorder aside, Spectre is not the perfect Bond film...but it deserves respect for the cinematography, characters, and action scenes. We should all be thankful Sam Mendes came into the world of Bond, and threw a splash of paint on the franchise.

That’s it for this week! Hope you enjoyed it!

Reviews from Friends:

My Mom:

I was mesmerized by this film. I think the theme song and opening artwork were stunning. Daniel craig was an older, darker version of Bond. I was pretty thrilled to see him with a mature love interest for once. Someone near his own age. I was hoping she would go on through the story but it was not to be. I thought it was very well done. Anxious to see more of this mysterious dark Bond.

Jake Benrud

Until reading your blog, I didn’t realize this wasn’t a well received Bond! I actually really enjoyed this movie. I think this is the third time watching it for me, and I really appreciate the portrayal of Bond by Craig. I thought Waltz did a great job with Blofeld. The drilling scene is always a bit unnerving, but I’d expect nothing less from a sadistic Bond villain. I did think that for all the intelligence that Blofeld and the SPECTRE organization should have that it was pretty poor planning to be able to destroy their entire facility with one shot to the propane regulator. I mean if you can arrange for an elaborate Bond haunted house at MI6 ending with Blofeld hiding behind bullet proof glass, maybe take the time to protect the propane tank at your facility. Chances are if you’re an evil genius looking for world domination, you’re probably going to have Bond at your door step shooting up the place. I digress. Despite this, I thought the story moved along well and it’s a solid installment of the series.

24 Weeks of Bond will return next Monday with -

Thunderball

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asherlockstudy · 5 years

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Bran Stark and the Long Night

A “Very Potter Musical” theory

Okay, no I did not lose my mind. This is not a Very Potter Musical theory but it discusses some similarities between Harry Potter and Game of Thrones and ends with a little help from Spotify. By writing this down I prove I have learned nothing from my past mistake of interpeting the questionable plot twists in BBC Sherlock through an optimistic perspective. I need to get it out though and I’ll just hope I won’t get too disappointed in the next episodes. Please keep in mind that opinions and preferences amongst GoT fans vary greatly - who is important or evil in my opinion might not be for you.

This is a long post, so here’s a summary of what is discussed:

Review of the Long Night

Many parallels between Bran Stark and Harry Potter. Bran is a (dark) grey character in this theory.

Arya’s importance and whether she is the promised one or not

Personal predictions about the next episodes. All main characters are discussed. Might or might not contain wishful thinking. A whole lot about the prophecy of Azor Ahai which I REALLY want to see fulfilled properly before the show ends.

Clues from the Spotify Game of Thrones Playlist D&D created for the ending of the show

Some noticeable emphasis on Jaime and Brienne. A LOT of Jaime.

First of all, I belong to the few (?) who loved the episode. I doubt any other TV show will ever manage to achieve anything remotely as ambitious. The cinematography is gorgeous, the actors, the crew, the visual effects, the music... everyone who took part in the making of this episode needs a standing ovation. As for the darkness? It meant to be this way! The darkness was what kept us on edge and it made it harder to understand if a character was dying or not, thus stressing us out even more. The darkness was meant to reinforce the feeling of uncertainty and imminent danger. Whereas Helm’s Deep battle was lit to emphasize on the heroism and the stunts, the battle of Winterfell is darkened to emphasize on its unpredictability and the feeling of death lurking in every corner. So it is unfair to rate this episode with 1s or 2s like so many people do. Even if you didn’t like the ending, there are so many elements here and so much hard work that deserve acknowledgement.

I didn’t like everything though. What did I not like? Well, duh, the ending. I was never interested in the whole “White Walkers” part of the plot and yet Arya killing the Night King in seconds didn’t exactly satisfy even the indifferent me. Don’t get me wrong, I like Arya and she sure is one of the most lethal characters. It just never occurred to me that she could be connected to this particular subplot. The thing, however, that I interpret very differently than most people writing reviews is that to me there was nothing final about this episode. Many fans act as if this was the general ending of the story and I don’t want to be too optimistic but I just don’t see it this way. So what then? Are we going to watch Cersei sip wine for the next four and a half hours until Drogon roasts her in the last second? Are they THAT bad? The fact that the characters in the show consider the Dead their greatest threat does not mean that this is the culmination of the plot. Let alone that the fact that the characters think the threat is gone does not mean the threat is gone. Remember the show we’re watching - the shocking plot twists always happen when you least expect them. If D&D have now become cowards, we must wait until the end to be able to tell. I, for one, consider the fact that they have not left even a mere second, even a still image, even a comment or a sentence about the last three episodes slip as extremely promising. Even the promo for the next episode is literally two scenes and obviously the least important. Anyway, I don’t want to defend them too much because this has been a boomerang for me in the past *cough sherlock cough*.

According to what we got, most have assumed that Bran was the ultimate good guy who had orchestrated everything so Arya, Azor Ahai, would kill the Night King. My main argument is that Bran Stark...just doesn’t strike me like an *entirely* good guy. I know people have had enough of Bran is the Villain theories but I am not speaking about a full-blown villain and also...just consider it for a bit. The Three-Eyed-Raven is supposedly the eternal enemy of the Night King and is a wise entity. There is a problem in Bran’s case though: the Night King leaves his mark on him.

Don’t forget, the Night King is known to create wights simply by touching them. Craster’s living babies. Bloody (though dead) Viserion! The intelligence or the living state of the victim doesn’t seem to be an obstacle. The Night King then assumes complete control over his creations.

Do you know what this mark reminds me of?

This.

Voldemort tried to kill Harry but his curse turned back at him because Lily had just died to save her child (because of love). It left a scar on Harry’s forehead instead of killing him. What happened between Bran and the Night King seems very similar. The Night King wanted to kill or turn into a wight the soon-to-be Third Eyed Raven so he grabbed him by the wrist but Bran wasn’t exactly there so there was an obstacle the Night King couldn’t fully overcome. Bran escapes him and returns to the present with a mark. We’re told that this mark can help the Night King find him. Is this all there is to it though?

It takes five years for Dumbledore to brace himself and reveal to Harry why his scar is a sensor of Voldemort’s presence and extreme mood shifts. The reason is that the day Voldemort tried to kill Harry a part of his already ruined soul was merged with Harry’s soul which made them both have access to each other’s feelings and thoughts to some degree. As time passed, that connection became stronger, especially as Harry and Voldemort became aware of it. By his fifth year in Hogwarts, Harry’s mood is constantly affected by Voldemort’s; he’s often angry and full of inexplicable hate. He laughs and gets furious and has violent urges all of a sudden without understanding why. He starts getting visions where he is Voldemort. The good thing in Harry’s case is that Harry’s soul is a pure whole soul that can’t get easily corrupted and that some powerful people know about this connection more or less and try to guard him against it (Dumbledore, Snape, Sirius etc).

If something similar happens to Bran, he is not that lucky. Nobody understands this connection except maybe the previous Third Eyed Raven who is dead. What’s worse, Bran does not only fight against the Night King’s effect on him. Whereas Harry’s soul was pure and healthy and whole, Bran’s soul and identity collapses under the weight of partly being both the Night King (or controlled by him) and the Third Eyed Raven. His mind fills with the memory and the wisdom of the world as well as with the awareness of the intent of death. Obviously, little Brandon Stark’s emotional and mental world doesn’t even make up 1% of the whole consciousness there is now inside him.

As the Night King gets more powerful day after day, we see an evolution in Bran Stark as well. As the story proceeds, he becomes more and more emotionless and lifeless just like Harry was getting more irritable, envious and violent. Bran starts resembling a dead man. It does not help that the Third Eyed Raven has a pretty neutral stance as well but young Bran suspiciously beats the much older previous Third Eyed Raven in terms of neutrality. When he returns to Winterfell, he has already lost all his feelings for his family. Maybe Bran is still in there but only a last lost hint of him that needs something groundbreaking to happen to cause him to externalize some emotion.

Another proof that Bran has a more special connection with the Night King than just being tracked down by him is offered to us when a panicked marked Bran (when he still could feel) argues with the Third Eyed Raven that the Night King can’t get to him in that sacred place to which the wise entity responds laconically: “He can now”. Well, if the mark was just a track medium then the Night King would get stuck in the opening of the cave, aware that Bran is inside yet unable to enter. If he can now get in, this possibly means he is already in, protected by being carried by an innocent, still pure and very much alive being; Bran. The Night King is inside and thus the wights can now follow him there.

Dumbledore thought it was too cruel to reveal to poor Harry that the only way they could completely kill Voldemort was to kill him too. Aaaand Dumbledore thought it was important that Voldemort killed them both himself. The only difference here is that Bran is both the equivalents of Harry and Dumbledore in one body, so Bran himself was the one who knew what had to be done.

When they are discussing the battle strategy, Bran tells everyone the Night King wants to kill him because he wants to erase the memory of this world. Despite this, Bran requires to be left outside in plain sight so that the Night King will find him and everyone assumes he wants to be the bait, something Bran neither confirms nor denies. But what if he wanted to be the sacrifice instead of the bait? Think about it, Bran’s plan makes the Night King supposedly more vulnerable but it also makes the Third Eyed Raven way easier to kill. If Bran waits for him in the open, it’s very easy for the Night King to reach him quickly with the dragon and if he does, then all the living die anyway! If Bran was in the crypts, the Night King would have a much longer way to go into the castle, thus having to confront many more living that could hopefully take him down. Honestly, Bran’s plan just makes the Night King’s job easier. Moreover, Bran does not ask protection. Theon takes the initiative and swears to protect him and Bran once again says nothing because he doesn’t want to cause disagreements and end up protected in the crypts or with a more skilled fighter to guard him. At this moment Bran realises Theon is about to die for his cause and he allows it to happen for either the greater good or the greater evil. Bran says he doesn’t know if dragon fire can kill the Night King because nobody has tried, therefore making Jon and Daenerys waste all their contribution at trying to take him out in this way. When Daenerys dracarys at him, the Night King shows human traits and smiles sinisterly at her.

Hehe, tricked ya! Has he ever displayed so particular human reactions before?

In short, I believe Bran wanted to die in this battle. What’s questionable is Bran’s allegiances. Does Bran want to die to save everyone else or to ensure the Night King’s plan is successful? I tend to believe the answer is...both. The Raven inside him wants the Night King to fail but Night King’s consiousness inside him wants him to succeed. Either way Bran must die. However, I think currently the Night King’s will inside Bran is winning because Bran would try to pass on somebody else his gift before sacrificing himself. Another question is, is Bran totally honest? What if the Night King's actual plan was to resurrect him or merge with him after killing him which as a result would mean that the Night King would become the Third Eyed Raven, accumulating enormous god-like power?

Arya prevented Bran’s plan whether his intent was good or bad. With this reasoning, Arya is not Azor Ahai because either she delayed the salvation of the living or she didn’t completely beat the “Final Boss”. Of course, there are problems in this theory. Why did Bran want to save himself in the past, why did he not head alone in the north to find the Night King first and end this without so much mayhem? Also, what about Arya and the dagger he gave her?

Possible answers:

Bran’s high consciousness as well as his connection to the Night King get stronger minute after minute. It might have taken him some time to process what he needed or wanted to do and how he would achieve it.

Well, he is a boy in a wheelchair. Nobody will let him just go find the Night King. He can’t escape their notice. Before this, Meera would never agree to take him north obviously.

The dagger thing is the hardest. Can we still assume there is a limit to what Bran knows and can predict? He doesn’t know everything. I think at this point I believe there is truly a God in the ASOIAF world and it seems he has a design for this world indeed. Bran might be more powerful than a regular person but he still is a tool in the divine plan. Besides, upon planning the tactics for the battle, Bran does not seem exactly sure of the outcome. Bran seems to know vaguely who is important but he does not know exactly how. Perhaps Three Eyed Raven Bran sensed Arya was meant to have that dagger but he didn’t know yet what for and whether it would benefit his Night King side or not. Furthermore, back then the Night King’s effect on him was weaker so that Bran was a better entity than he is now.

Now let’s talk about the actual battle. When Melisandre sets the trench on fire, Theon seals his death by telling Bran that the fire is lit and the wights can not proceed (and therefore reach to them). Then - oh so coincidentally - Bran is like “OK thanx Theon gotta go now bye”. He then wargs into ravens and he leads them straight to the Night King. The ravens reach him and then and only then the Night King commands the wights to fall in the fire and create a bridge for the rest to cross. We see this on screen clearly so I wonder why people don’t talk about it at all. I would make a gif but it’s too damn dark! (Taking back all good words I said for the darkness lol). In short, Bran gets close to the Night King and sets him into action. Bran betrays them all. Is this a necessary evil for the greater good or just plain evil? Almost everyone was slaughtered after this, so I doubt Bran didn’t want to be in the crypts so more people would survive...bullshit. (Of course, all these apply if we blindly accept that the battle strategy was not just badly written.)

A similar scene happens in the seventh season when Bran wargs ravens to spy on the Dead and although they all are motionless, standing corpses, when the ravens arrive the Night King abruptly jumps to...errr...life and looks at them as if fully aware it’s Bran inside them. This terrifies Bran but also probably allows him to learn about the special nature of his connection with him.

In Dragonstone, the first episode of the seventh season, the second scene is the dead marching South and the scene cuts to Bran warging while Meera drags him to the Wall.

Back in the Long Night, Bran stays at warg state throughout the whole battle after this point. Now look... if you can. Apologies for terrible quality.

Bran never leaves his warg state until the exact moment the Night King arrives and has direct eye contact with him. Therefore, Bran does not need to guide him anymore. He returns to himself and thanks Theon essentially for dying for nothing. However, Theon serves his purpose, delaying Bran’s death until Arya arrives. Then he dies betrayed, paying for his betrayal of Robb Stark. Bran then waits passively for the Night King to kill him. Their interaction is basically all but hateful. The Night King just stares at him with something close to content in his face, while Bran looks...happy?

This is Bran’s happy face. I can’t unsee it!!!!! It’s excited or impatient or something like that... and Bran makes something like nod with his eyes and then the Night King tries to grab his sword..... but Arya arrives out of nowhere and kills him. Look at Bran. He doesn't look at the least bit happy or grateful. His - granted - blank expression somehow shows me he was thinking "How the fuck do I undo this now?". Look at Arya smiling at him after they are all saved and Bran’s reaction.

You’re safe now, brother!

Yeah, I am so happy right now I could cut you with the dagger I gave you..

For an extremely expressionless face, I feel like Bran is probably screaming internally here. Tell me, does he look happier with the Night King or Arya?!

Let’s focus on Arya now. As a start, Arya does not fit any of the criteria for Azor Ahai except maybe the first one (Braavos' water dance fight style and strong connection of the city with water???). She hasn't killed a Lannister-lion yet and the Nissa Nissa thing makes the probabilities even slimmer. Furthermore, she doesn't kill the Night King with her Needle but with a dagger instead. No fire, no red colour, nothing. Actually, we see her repeatedly asking Gendry to make her the weapon. We’ve therefore been told that Arya won’t have her sword so she doesn't have a Lightbringer either. Three swords get a lot of mentions in the show: the Needle which Arya did not use at all throughout the battle (she literally uses every possible weapon except the Needle), Heartsbane which Sam gives to Jorah who then falls and Oathkeeper which Jaime gives to Brienne as a token of his love.

Arya was not Azor Ahai but she still functioned according to the God's plan. The God (whoever he is, the old, the 7, the Lord of Light or the Many-faced one) doesn’t want the memory of this world to be lost. What perhaps Bran had not thought (or did not want) is that he should not die until he passed his gift to someone else. If Bran's plan worked, the world as everyone knew it would change forever. When Bran explains what he is now to everyone, Sam interferes and says they should never let him die. Someone must be the Third Eyed Raven so that the humans will keep being exactly that - humans with history, backgrounds and memories. Here we might be getting the answer about why on earth Sam did not die in the battle. Sam understands better than anyone the importance of this entity. This might hint that he is going to become the Third Eyed Raven once Bran dies or contribute to find the chosen one. The archmaester in the Citadel told Sam something similar: “We are the memory of this world.”

So, things were not going according to plan and also the real Azor Ahai had not showed up yet thus Arya was meant to save the day. Everything Arya did led up to this. She was filled with hate when her father was executed by Joffrey so that she would find the most skilled assassins to train her for revenge. Arya prepares the way for Azor Ahai. Beric was brought up to life to save Arya. The Hound was not killed by Brienne or Arya in order to then save the latter. The Hound most likely has more to do in the story (face Mountain) which is why Beric dies and Sandor does not.

Let’s go to the plot armour. Arya's timing saves Sansa, Tyrion, Missandei and Varys. During the battle, something of utmost importance happens in the crypts. Sansa plants an idea in Tyrion's mind - Daenerys is the obstacle in their way to be a couple. What's next; clever Tyrion will once again be the victim of a woman who promised him love and this is how Daenerys will be betrayed for love, fulfilling the prophecy. Tywin always admitted Tyrion's intelligence but despised him for being so weak in front of his vices; women and alcohol. Tywin cruelly tried to teach him a lesson twice, first with Tysha and then with Shae. But Tyrion did not pay attention and maybe his ultimate downfall is going to be Sansa. Missandei overheard what they said and she is still loyal to Daenerys. Tyrion is in danger. Varys heard them too but he might side with Tyrion. Let's see if mighty Tywin was cruel but spot on.

Arya's timing saves Greyworm who has promised to protect Missandei. Missandei is in danger now that Sansa knows she can rush to her Queen and tell her what she heard. Perhaps Greyworm survived so that the truth will reach Deanerys.

Arya's timing did not save Jorah but he held on enough to protect his Queen . Daenerys loses her last truly unyielding supporter. She is now more powerless than ever. Sansa has the upper hand in the North and if Dany opposes to Jon Snow, her fate seems doomed no matter what Missandei and Greyworm do. Then again, if Sansa finds out about Jon’s heritage, she might start being less friendly too. A cousin starts getting too distant especially when power is involved.

Arya's timing saves Jon, the heir, whose purpose however was not to defeat the White Walkers. His purpose was to tell the world of their existence or he might have a great part to play in the last war.

Arya's timing saves Tormund, Jaime, Brienne and Podrick. Out of all these only Brienne and Tormund naturally make sense to be still alive because of their strength and skill. And then we have one-handed Jaime and Podrick who honestly should have died in the first ten minutes. While everyone else fights for their life, Brienne and Jaime keep constantly saving each other almost like they are in their own world. Podrick surviving is very weird but we have already been shown that the boy has hidden talents. Podrick has not completed his arc.

As for Jaime, Bran told him he shouldn't have him killed before he got to help “them”. And then the battle comes and he merely survives. Arya's timing saves him (and his love) in the last second. Jaime did nothing important for or against the Night King or Bran yet. Jaime was trapped in the battle, hardly able to survive let alone reach to Bran. Sure, Jaime killed probably hundreds of wights that night but he didn’t affect the grand scheme of things in this battle like Bran implied. Yet, Bran literally waited for him a whole night out in the dark cold. This must mean we have a lot more to see in the next episodes.

Arya's timing saves Gendry and Sam but not Edd. Gendry still has a claim to the throne. Edd died so that Sam could live. I already spoke of Sam's importance. But something weird happens when Edd saves Sam. Sam falls down exhausted but something catches his attention. See the gifs in @nochancennochoice ‘s post: there is some debate on whether Sam sees Brienne, Jaime fighting with his two hands oooor Jaime fighting with a right hand. I think it looks like the third option is the right one and it would explain why confused Sam has a pausing moment in all this mayhem and forgets the world around him until Edd calls him back to reality. Sam sees Jaime through the flames, being in a delirious state, fighting like crazy with what looks like his right hand suspiciously a lot. We can be sure Jaime did not use his non-existent hand though - so could this be a vision in the flames by the Lord of Light...you know...a more accurate one than the ones Melisandre sees? Jaime was indeed fighting like crazy but Sam sees a changed image through the fire that puzzles him quite a bit. We’ll soon see if there was hidden importance in this oddly specific scene and, once more, it would explain why Samwell Tarly would survive the long night.

This does not mean Jaime is definitely the legendary warrior. However, he is the most likely contender in my opinion because a) he leaves his false vile identity in the past inside smoke and water (let’s pretend the baths had salts), b) he indirectly kills a lion, his father, c) he's truly the only character who is basically exclusively driven by love and we know Azor Ahai must make the ultimate sacrifice. Perhaps though and dreadfully so, Jaime still hasn't killed a lion because his father's murder is not on him. This might be the fulfilment of the Valonqar prophecy and Jaime gets to kill Cersei. At this point the story will have proceeded a lot and Jaime and Brienne will have confessed their love or acted upon it. Jaime has saved Brienne more times than we can count and especially in the first incidents Brienne asks him why, both in the show and the books. Jaime never responds in the show but in the books we see that he has meaningful dreams that lead his way. Jaime was destined to find Brienne, love her and keep her alive. Jaime gives her his sword and Brienne bonds with it so much that it almost already is part of her entity. The last challenge for Azor Ahai is to sacrifice his willing loving wife Nissa Nissa whose soul will become one with the sword and this will create the Lightbringer. It pains me to even think about it but Nissa Nissa doesn't sound like Cersei. Brienne will die so that Jaime can meet his fate.

Three guesses who.

After that Jaime and Oathkeeper will end this story by killing Bran. Bran still has a good side in him and it’s probable that he will guide Jaime to do it. I'm gonna cheat here with my evidence but this kinda explains why Nikolaj Coster Waldau loves the conclusion of the story but seems kinda sympathetic when Gwendoline Christie says she had trouble processing the end of her character and needed long walks at the beach and such. When asked, Nikolaj probably revealed too much at some point because he said the story is about that good guy Jaime and that Bran boy who sacrificed himself to save the world. Of course, it’s Nik. He might as well be saying what he wants the end to be lol. However... Bran did not technically sacrifice himself in the Long Night, right? If he knew Arya was coming, then he definitely did not. Either way, the outcome is the same - Bran has not sacrificed himself yet.

Back to Bran and the Night King. People in and out of the show wonder why the wights became so powerful and persistent in this era. Furthermore, the Night King seems much more conscious and lifelike than all the other moving corpses. Maybe we can conclude the explanation with the help of Hodor's backstory. Everyone kept telling Bran to not lose himself in the visions but he ignored them just like he ignored Catelyn and kept climbing towers. Everyone is paying Bran's disobedience and he is going to pay with his life. When the Third Eyed Raven was asleep, Bran travelled into an indefinite time period and got his mark from the Night King. This might have happened long before Bran was even born or before he got paralysed. Therefore the Night King already was connected to Bran but Bran had to get the mark first to start realising and reinforcing the connection. The connection the Night King has to Bran gives him some glimpses of a human living self which is why he is superior to the wights and the White Walkers and shows rudimentary human logic and sense of purpose and identity. With the same reasoning, it’s only after the mark that Bran loses all emotions and vigor.

Upon first meeting Jaime, Jaime who is probably Azor Ahai immediately tried to kill Bran. When Catelyn asked him much later why he threw her son out of the window, Jaime did not respond even though soon afterwards he confessed he sleeps with his sister so hiding this was not the reason he did not respond. It was fate that drove Jaime's hand because even though he doesn't know it, Jaime is driven by a force to become the leader against the darkness. Bran did not die from an 100% deadly fall because although it was Jaime who did it, it was not the right time yet because he wasn’t yet reborn as Azor Ahai and the Night King did not yet live through Bran. Bran's first encounter with the fighter of the Lord of Light is the beginning for his journey to meet his destiny and as soon as Jaime cripples him, he starts getting visions that call him to the North. We might say that Jaime sets the evil going in order for good to fight back and prevail. The things I do for love... Fighting evil?

And now...some more evidence about the story can be taken from the spotify playlist that hints at the ending of the show according to D&D. Let’s see the songs in the very end of the list:

Gold Lion... In the “Knight of the Seven Kingdoms” Tyrion and Jaime reminince on their past “glorious” days when Jaime was a Golden Lion and Tyrion was a whoremonger. Jaime specifically says his golden lion days belong to the past (which is like the most basic foreshadowing of tragic irony) but the playlist disagrees. Here are some lyrics from the song:

Gold lion's gonna tell me where the light is... Tell me what you saw... We'll build a fire in your eyes...

If this is not the most ultimate “Jaime is Azor Ahai with Lightbringer” evidence, I don’t know what is.

Then we have Here’s Your Future, which is a song in which God basically is considered responsible for burdening his children with sin. God forces them to sin so that the duty of atoning and cleansing the world falls on them in order to get worthy of the future God has prepared for them. This really sounds like the Lord of Light so I do believe we’re going to have Azor Ahai by the end of the show. It is very similar to the concept of Jaime being destined to be depraved only to be led in the way of atonement, redemption and then glory. Melisandre and all sorts of God faith have been given a huge part to be totally meaningless.

Since I mentioned Melisandre, she was meant to die. Maybe this was the only vision R’hllor truly had for her; that she should die after this fight in the snow. Why? Ser Davos is the last main character Arya saves repeatedly. Ser Davos and Melisandre’s fates have been interwined for long even though they hate each other. Ser Davos witnesses her suicide. Why did Melisandre have to die, in terms of fate? Maybe because, from now on, there aren’t going to be any resurrections. Whoever dies, dies. Why did they change the plot so that Melisandre would need a magical necklace to stay alive?

Maybe because only one character will have the chance to defy death from now on. Chances are it will be a woman. Why is Ser Davos who literally can’t fight still alive all those years? Maybe because he saw Melisandre drop the necklace and then age and die rapidly. Davos will keep the necklace and probably save a woman he deems worthy of a second chance in life.

And then of course “Love is Blindness”. There are only two couples this could apply to; Jaime and Brienne and Tyrion and Sansa but I’m positive Sansa only wants to use Tyrion to weaken Daenerys and fight Cersei. So the only truly fitting love story is that of Jaime and Brienne.

As if all this was not wishful thinking...imagine Brienne sacrificing herself, Jaime becoming a heartbroken Azor Ahai and the ever surviving Davos putting the necklace around her neck, to the one he seemed to be so appreciative and fond of back in the fireplace...

Okay, okay aren’t all theories partly what we wish it happens? It’s perfectly reasonable if you find this way too much, way too complicated, way too wishful and subjective. If there’s something in here that makes sense to you, you can take this and leave all the rest. I am aware I completely dismissed some basic characters. Let’s say something short about them: Daenerys in my opinion won’t make it to the throne. Not only that but she’s going to be one of the first main characters to die. Even next episode seems probable to me. Arya soon will have her arc completed. I think she reached the peak of her importance. Of all the Starks, I think Sansa is the one who has a chance for the Iron Throne somehow. Right now, she is the most competent in the game of thrones. Littlefinger lives through her. She has admitted to admiring Cersei. One Stark will survive because there must always be a Stark in Winterfell. I honestly have no idea what will happen to Jon Snow. Everyone is sure he’s Azor Ahai but actually there is no evidence the Prince who was Promised and Azor Ahai are the same person. Targaryen heritage is only mentioned in the PWWP prophecy, not that of Azor Ahai. Nevertheless, Jon literally prays to die again. I don’t know if I feel content with the idea of him sitting on the Iron Throne and being depressed all his life because of it.

Cersei of course will die. Tyrion won’t be the one to do it. I would hate it if Arya was the one to do it by wearing one of the brothers’ face. It would be so emotionally anti-climactic and Arya already had her huge killing moment however in the Spotify list there is a song named “Dead Skin Mask” under the “Killer Wolf” one. God forbid. I hope she uses her skills to someone other than a Lannister because there is also an extremely disturbing and explicit song which is named “Sister” and guess what, the rather problematic lyrics are about a young boy who slept with his much older sister who is...nuts.

I was only sixteen but I guess that's no excuse

Oh, sister Don't put me on the street again Oh, sister I just want to be your friend

These were the most tolerable lyrics. (Wtf Prince?) I mean, the point of the song in the list is pretty clear. Jaime will meet Cersei once more and let’s hope he’ll kill her for ruining 20+ years of his life. Right now, Jaime doesn’t look particularly interested in Cersei. It seems as if everything regarding her has died inside him. Therefore, something will happen that will fill Jaime with wrath. The scenarios are two:

Bronn kills Tyrion.

Bronn tries to kill Jaime, Brienne defends him and falls.

Both heartbreaking possibilities (although admit it, they are awesome in terms of dramaturgy). Both are terrifying to me but my desperation makes me wish for the first option. The fact that Bronn said in the fifth season that he does not kill women really DOES NOT help. However, if Brienne is Nissa Nissa then Brienne will die after Cersei so Bronn might indeed kill Tyrion. Besides, Nissa Nissa’s sacrifice could also have some figurative meaning instead of foreseeing a literal death.

All these of course are just personal speculations and wishes. Cersei might be Nissa Nissa. Or Arya might have indeed been Azor Ahai. Jaime and Brienne might just live happily ever after (without Davos’ help) or Jaime might fall heroically. Daenerys might live and rule. Bran maybe is an awesome dude.

I will just say that judging from the way the eighth season is structured, I think D&D played a little game. They featured the huge, foretold battle in the third episode. If the heroes of the whole story were also the heroes of this episode (Arya, Bran, Melisandre) then perhaps it would be wiser if this episode was the fifth or at least the fourth. We are still not exactly in the middle of the season since the total duration of the last three episodes is going to be longer. So if this was the decisive turn of the plot, why would it be featured in the first half of the season? Furthermore, D&D promoted the third episode beyond belief while they kept the next episodes entirely in the dark. That’s got to mean something. Hopefully, D&D planned to create huge expectations for the third episode, therefore not allowing the viewers to build defenses for what would happen next. They tried to satisfy those expectations for the third episode with the exceptional cinematography, direction, music and unprecedented ominous atmosphere they created. This could potentially be the most important deviation from Martin’s future version, in which the Long Night might indeed be the prophecised event that would make Azor Ahai rise and most main characters die. D&D though want the show to be as unpredictable as possible and they have an Iron Throne to give which might mean they used the Long Night as a distraction, however epic.

#jaime lannister #bran stark #brienne of tarth #braime #game of thrones #got season 8 #samwell tarly #ser davos seaworth #azor ahai #jaime x brienne #got spoilers #everyone loves the starks and the targaryens and I just...don't

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nymeriasutcliff · 6 years

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AureliusAurelius, WTF this I just watch?

I saw Fantastic Beasts 2 yesterday and I gotta say I am very, very disappointed, which is the total opposite of my feelings towards the first movie. I'm gonna talk (a lot) about every character and the things that didn't work for me, so... BEWARE, SPOILERS AHEAD.

We're gonna start with Newt, given that he is (supposedly) the protagonist of the movies. I think he was okay, not great like in the first movie, but he didn't have a lot of room to do things and be himself, so okay is fine. He is basically a pawn under Dumbledore, but he gets so frustrated because he knows he wants to do want Dumbledore says, even though he shouldn't, that it's very funny and very relatable. I absolutely loved the first scene with his creatures, seeing him chasing after baby nifflers was very funny and held the promise of more fun coming (spoiler, the delivery was meh). I absolutely, absolutely loved the kelpie. It was so, so, so beautiful and amazing, but we'll talk more about the creatures later.

I was really astonished with the young actor they casted to play Young Newt because he was spot on. Truly. Standing ovation to the young man.

Even though I really liked Newt and his portrait, my question is (and is one I'm gonna be repeating very often, sadly), what was the point of Newt in the movie. What was he supposedly doing in Paris? I mean, what was the point of him going? Was he supposed to find Grindewald? Help Tina find Credence? Find Queenie? Because he did none of these things. The only thing he did was use the Niffler as a police dog - kudos to Cecil, (I don't know why I thought he was called Cecil, but apparently not. Well, I don't care is a cute name for a Niffler)-, lick the floor and have a very awkward and cute romantic moment with Tina at the worse time and place, but did whatever. Oh, and the innecesary family and love drama

Oh Jacob and Queeni, what did they do to you two? Where was the funny and charming man of the first movie? Where was the sweet, caring, sensitive and daring lady we all loved? I think JK dind't know what to do with these two, and she tried to create drama for the sake of drama, and it shows. Jacob recovered his memories because there weren't bad memories (I'm okay with that), but Queenie has enchanted him because they can't get married (Really? Queenie? It's so OOC it's not even funny. And if you're gonna do that, at least you could've make Queenie selfish and that she simply enchantes him while he remembers nothing, because she wants to be with him. I think it would have worked better with the Queenie plot twist). So, after they go to visit Newt who knows why, because supposely they want to go to Paris to get married, so it simply doesn't make sense that they go to see Newt, when a) Queenie knows he is gonna see through the enchantement (which he does), and b) he's gonna be against it and will try to lift it (which he also does). C'mon Queenie, you're smarter than that!

Long story short, they argue, Queenie runs to Paris to be with Tina without telling his sister (logic not found, cause everyone knows that Paris is a very small city and you can find whoever you wanna find in 10 minutes tops); and the work of Jacob is finished in this movie. Not, really. He doesn't do anything else except for a very funny moment with Flammel. There's even a moment at the Lestrange mausoleum when he disappears in thin air and reappears when the plot needs him... (He arrives way before the rest and does who knows what until the plot needs for all to go inside for the speech. C'mon.)

And Quennie of course can't find his sister in Paris (no shit Sherlock), gets overwhelmed, finds Grindewald's skull french lady (yes, I'm calling her that), meets Grindewald, has a moment of “OMG, OMG, OMG, you're really bad”, he tells her that “love is love, right?”, and she decides that “OMG, this is a very nice young man, not the maniac genocide that everyone says. I mean, in his speech he only says that muggles are less, but obviously he's gonna let me marry my muggle boyfriend.” Really? Really? It just doesn't work. No. Not with Queenie. It's like JK Rowling totally forgot about the character she created in the first movie. I want my sparkly and caring Queenie back dammit.

Leta, Theseus and the whatever fuck their story was supposed to be about. Once again, the big question, what was the point of Leta and Theseus in this movie? Why does the wizard community hate Leta so much? Since when does McGonagall a) exist at that time (I saw that Rowling deleted McGonagall's birth date from Pottermore because she fucked up), and b) run after a student? Seriously? Who was the writer of this movie again?

Going back to Leta. Yes, yes, she is beautiful, has amazing hair, awesome clothes, on flick eyebrows, is very sad and has the lamest fiancé in history. Were we supposed to care about the family drama? Really? Were we supposed to care about the calamari guy? Or this was just another way to show us that the Lestrange family is bad? I don't know. I think this plot would have worked better without the calamari guy (because he contributes 0) and if Corvus was really alive. But, whatever. And last, but not least, what was the point of sacrificing herself? For what? That she was depressed and that was the easiest way to kill herself? That's the only explanation I have. Once again, the drama for the drama. (See the “I love you” while she looks at the Scamander brothers)

And Theseus, aside from being bland as fuck, is a fucking awful auror. In the first movie the moto was that if you see Grindewald is a matter of national security and he has to be detained, but in this movie Theseus says “don't arrest him if he doesn't do anything, because giving a speech it's not a crime.” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? ARE YOU DUMB OR SOMETHING? Jesuschrist.....

Eh.... what did Tina do in the movie? Was she concerned about her sister? Not one bit, she's perfectly fine with her joining a lunatic's army. Was she concerned about Credence? Even less, because when they find him she doesn't even talk to him (even though she was in Paris for him and, let's not forget, got demoted in the first movie for protecting him). The only thing she is concerned about is Newt and Leta and their engagement. Sigh another good female character lost in the claws of drama for the drama and being the love interest.

We're getting towards the end and the parts I am most angry about.

Dumbledore and Grindewald, I'm still mad that they aren't gonna give us the gay couple we deserve, but whatever, fuck JK, fuck Warner and fuck everyone. Once again, the famous question, what was the point of Dumbledore in this movie? Was showing us that he's a fine and dazzing wizard with an increible taste in fashion? Because if it was, they did perfectly. If it wasn't, I don't know what it was. They didn't give us a love story between them, the Ministry was once again against Dumbledore because of reasons unknown (politicians being incompetent, I see what you did there JK) and he didn't even try to do anything. I don't know, the only thing I truly know is that I'm disappointed, and that he did a sexy blood pact (yep, I'm calling it that) with Grindewald. Oh, I also found out that he has disgusting taste in men. C'mon, Grindewald? Have you seen his hair? Tsk Dumbledore, I expected better.

Grindewald, like everyone in the movie didn't do a lot, but I didn't care that he didn't. Probably because he is a sassy diva and used the good silk to call his followers. Also, I think the movie was called “The crimes of Grindewald”, right? What are those crimes? The bad hair? I can understand it. Using the good silk to call the followers? Understandable too, because it's gonna be a bitch to clean. The people he killed? Ehm..... nobodies none cared about. A kind of nazi but not really speech? Meh. Tricking Credence? Expected. Convincing Queenie to join the dark side? This one I believe. C'mon, make me a good villain in the third movie JK.

Nagini.............................................. if there's one thing that I was really excited about and disappointed me terribly was Nagini. What was the point of all the hype and backlash the trailer generated if Nagini did nothing in the movie? I truly don't know what was her point in the story. I believe she talk four time tops. Once again, JK being politically correct starring minorities, but not really, because they never do anything. And related to her is Credence, who is my favourite character of the series and the real protagonist. How did he end up in Paris? How did he learn to control de Obscurial? How did he end up with Nagini? Sigh...

After seeing the trailer I thought the movie was going to show us that the Obscurial end up in Paris by chance, and Nagini found him and given that she also has a beast inside, taught Credence how to control it. I don't something with a little bit of logic, an explanation and also giving Nagini some kind of point in the movie. (Apart of showing us the amazing leg she has).

The creatures: I think, except for the Niffler, the only reason they appear is because the movie is called “Fantastic beasts”. In the first movie the creatures (see Frank, the Niffler, the Swooping evil) played a very important part in it, but in the second one? What was the point of the creatures, except for the use of CGI? Except the Niffler, who is the hero of this movie for me, because he did the most (steal the sexy blood pact and be a damn awesome police dog).

I absolutely loved the Thestrals (they are my favourite fantastic beast ever), I laughed a lot when Grindewald named his Chupacabra “Antonio”, the baby Nifflers were the cutest, the kelpie was a thing of dreams, and the zouwu was very beautiful, but did they have a point? Not really.

My biggest problem with this movie is that it has the pace of a book, and it shows, which per se is not bad, but it doesn't work for a movie. It's like the first half of the book when the boring things happen and they're the preparation for the awesome second half. In a book I can get behind it, in a movie? Not so much. I believe Rowling tried to tell many stories (love triangle between Leta and the Scamanders, love drama between Tina and Newt, Lestrange family drama, love drama between Queenie and Jacob, Credence finding his family, Grindewald, dramadrama between Albus and Grindewald, political drama) in very little time and ended up telling nothing (at least telling it right). I hope AureliusAurelius (I have to laugh with this telenovela plot twist) and the Niffler realize that they are the best of the movie, and go back to New York to be a big happy family with Percival Graves (Gradence for life). Maybe Nagini can go with them and be the awesome character I believe it is.

PD: Shout out to Nicolas Flammel and his little running. He stole my heart. I read somewhere that people ship Albus and Flammel and I'm all for that. (If someone has the gif of him running, pleeeeeease send it to me, I need it in my life).

#fantastic beasts and where to find them #credence barebone #credence/graves #gradence #newt scamander #leta lestrange #tina goldstein #queenie goldstein #jacob kowalski #albus dumbledore #albus x gellert #grindewal #crimes of grindlewald spoilers #niffler #nagini #disappointed

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ofwolvesandbutterflies · 6 years

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Headlines

Stray Kid’s Changbin x Reader ft. Minho

Actor!AU

Genre: fluff... i think

A/N: happy birthday to @changbeanie! this is late, i’m soo sorry, but please accept this in place of changbin or an amazon gift card. T^T also like if changbin was an actor... bruh there’s a movie i’d watch over and over and over again. also, this will be a 2 part story

“No. Absolutely not. I refuse,” I spoke through clenched teeth, the chair I had been perched elegantly on a few seconds ago now lying on its side a few feet away. Seo Changbin peered darkly at me through his long eyelashes. I could’ve sworn the temperature in his hotel room dropped as we stared icily at each other. A cool hand clamped down on my shoulder and I spun around to see my manager watching me sternly.

“Look, __,” Minho, my manager spoke, tone even and guarded. “You need more exposure. You and Changbin have known each other for a couple years now, and after some discussion with the higher ups, both he and they have agreed to let him go public with you.”

“Go public?!” I nearly screeched. “Minho, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but just because we are signed under the same agency, does not at all mean that I know or have anything akin to a crush on him.”

The dark, brooding male sitting across from me parted his lips to say something, but Minho grabbed my shoulders and pressed me down into another chair before Changbin could say anything. My manager looked me dead in the eye.

“__. As much as I’d love for you to continue doing just mediocre, I can’t. Now the boss said he’ll give you guys sixty days -that’s six-zero- for something to happen. If things don’t go the way we’d like, then after that sixty days it over, you two can break it off like nothing ever happened. In the case that things go well, we may prolong the amount of set days. Now what’s been agreed on has already been agreed on and we can’t do anything about it anymore. Now please, for both my paycheck and yours, __, just cooperate this once.”

Enraged, I glared right back at him until he rolled his eyes and turned towards Changbin, fingers pressed into his temples in an attempt to ward off the headache I had given him.

“I’ll leave you two to sort things out, then,” Minho spoke, grabbing his keys from off the table. He turned towards the door, pushing his sunglasses back into place. “Changbin, thank you so very much for being so wonderfully compliant, and __…” Spinning around one last time, he directed a patronizing finger towards me.

“I’ll be in the parking lot waiting. I know you can do this.”

The smack of the front door slamming closed once more resounded in the eerie silence hanging between us. Minho wasn’t usually this irritatingly stiff. And truth be told, I didn’t usually make his life so hard by being so stubborn. As a budding actress, it’s part of my job to be flexible and compliant… however none of my education and training had included how to react upon realizing my manager had been mingling with the higher ups to arrange a relationship for me with and an extremely well-known coworker that I didn’t exactly like.

A weighted stare alerted me to the quiet male I was currently stuck in the room with. Sighing, I reluctantly brought my gaze to my fellow actor. Changbin met my eyes quietly with an unreadable expression.

“I’ve heard some things about you, __…” Changbin started, his obnoxiously lax demeanor very off-putting.

“Is that right?” I shot back, still quite vexed. “What types of things?”

“Just things like although your movies haven’t done as well, you’re actually a very talented actress.”

His softly spoken words brought me back for a moment. Did Seo Changbin -the Seo Changbin- really just compliment me? An uncommon crimson shade rose to my cheeks. In all the years I’d come in contact with him, he never striked me as the type of guy to just dish out compliments, especially ones he didn’t mean. Before I could say anything though, he went on.

“Then again, the agency had to resort to me, which only happens if they’re desperate. It’ll be interesting to see how good you actually are with this.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” I bristled back, scowl once again present on my face.

“It’s up to interpretation. However…” He stood, walking towards me like a panther would toward its prey. Halting just a couple inches shy of my crossed legs, Changbin bent down so that his cool gaze was level with mine. “Though you may not like me, great actors can make anything look real.”

“How did it go, __?” Minho asked softly. Thankfully, we both had gotten enough time to cool off and he wasn’t about to bite my head off any time soon. The beautiful night sky appeared blurred and distorted through the tinted passenger window. Leaning my head against the cool window, I heaved out a sigh.

“It could have gone worse. We’ve agreed to a time to meet up to plan out the first four weeks, but other than him indirectly dissing me… I think we made a good amount of progress.”

The rather empty hybrid car hummed as a somewhat uncomfortable silence hung in the air. Finally, at a red stop light nearly three minutes later, my manager turned to me, an empathetic smile on his lips.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. Although it definitely should have occured to me- it didn’t occur to me how upset you were going to be,” he spoke, the smallest hint of shame shaking in his voice. A greenish glow bathed the two of us in a ghastly ambiance as the car purred to life again. Pulling my knees to my chest, I shrugged.

“You were just looking out for me. I should have been more understanding.”

I knew how much effort Minho put into things appearing good, even before he was assigned to me. After all, he was my older brother’s best friend from primary school and I’d seen the projects he’d created with him over the years.

“Yeah…” Minho chuckled, pulling into a familiar neighborhood. “-but then again, making an effort to be more understanding has never been your strong suit.”

And the sound of our carefree laughter was all it took to break the serious mood we’d created.

“This… is your apartment?” Changbin asked, dark eyes carefully scrutinizing every inch of my living quarters. An angry flush colored my cheeks. Initially, I was planning on starting over and making an effort to be friendly this time, but his unwarranted commentary was pushing my patience. My apartment was tidy, my succulents had been watered, my dishes all washed, dried and put away, heck, even my bed was made. Nevertheless, the resting-bitch look on his face made it look like I hadn’t cleaned the place in years. What could I say? I couldn’t afford a maid. I hadn’t become world famous like he had. The arrogant bitch.

“Yes, this is what I get from the mediocre movies I act in. Get used to it, you’ll have to see it at least a couple more times in the next sixty days,” I muttered, plopping myself on the couch and opening my computer.

“Hey, I never said I didn’t like it,” he spoke, holding his hands up in defense, shocking me against with his honesty. “It’s just… smaller than I pictured it being.”

“No shit, Sherlock. I don’t make as much as you do,” I rolled my eyes and patted the spot next to me. He hesitantly sat on the couch, studying every inch of me as I took a deep breath. It’s only sixty days, __. You can do this.

Beside the fact I was stuck with a man I was supposed to be an item with but didn’t know anything about... It was a lovely afternoon really. There were only a few clouds dotting the familiar Seoul skyline and my open windows let in a cool, calm breeze. A few rays from the lazy afternoon sun pushed through my blinds, casting strange shadows on the walls. I hadn’t gone out at all today aside for an early morning run, so my outfit still only consisted of exercise pants and one of my over sized sweatshirts.

Changbin on the other hand was adorned in a black fitted tee and a pair of dark, ripped jeans. I’d only seen him once or twice before around the agency and both times were very briefly, but now that he was up close and the only person in the room with me, I realized just how attractive he was. His eyes were a deep brown, partially hidden behind his messy bangs. His arms rippled with a subtle strength I hadn’t noticed before. And his lips, lord, the curve his plush lips-

“So __,” Changbin cleared his throat, drawing my attention away from his lips. The angry flush on my cheeks turned into an embarrassed blush as I tore my eyes away from his face. “When would you like to go public? And how are we going to go public? What’s our ‘back story’ going to be?”

Tucking a piece of hair behind my ear sheepishly, I shrugged.

“Sometime in the next couple days would be ideal, next week by the latest,” I spoke, adding another date the outline. He nodded, finally looking away from me. “As for how... I was thinking something along the lines of -hmm..- going out for a small date? Maybe coffee or lunch or something. Somewhere that would bring a lot of attention to us.”

Changbin nodded his understanding and typed something on his computer. I began observing him, trying in vain to figure out this puzzle that was supposed to be my boyfriend. Actors and actresses were definitely one of the hardest people to read. Bit by bit, I picked out the things he began to do subconsciously. The narrow of his eyes as he focused on the screen. The indistinct bite of his lips as he reread what we had so far.

“Somewhere… like a mall or something?”

“Yeah!” I spoke abruptly, trying to mask the fact I had been staring at him. “And as for our back story…”

“-I’d run into him all the time while at the company. Everything about him intrigued me, his looks, his personality… Everything from the blatantly obvious things to the small tidbits about his back story and what he does in his spare time… Over time, it grew into something more than admiration. I was just lucky when he began to notice me as well,” I said, pretending to hide a blush behind my hand.

“Okay, the fact that I almost believed that is shameful.” Minho scrunched his nose up, pretending to throw up. Wiping the cutesy blush off my face, I grabbed the pillow Changbin’s feet were perched on and threw it at my manager.

“Shut up, Minho, I just needed to know if it’s it’s alright.”

“Well…” Sighing, Minho looked at Changbin before shrugging. “I’m not a professional actor, my opinion may not be as relevant because I’m only your manager. Changbin, what do you think?”

The attractive male beside me cocked his head.

“In my experience, the media will always eat up whatever you throw at them, no matter if it’s trash-” I lifted my hand to smack him, but he grabbed merely grabbed it and shot me an exasperated glare. “-but it’ll work well enough.”

Glancing between us, Minho stood and clapped Changbin’s shoulder.

“Alright, you two sound like you know what you’re doing. I do think it’ll look more natural if you two are touching somehow, like holding hands or linking arms, but whatever you two believe will work most effectively should do just fine. __, you’re going to do fine, chill. Changbin, I’ll see you later.”

“Hey Changbin,” I mumbled through the phone, pacing back and forth nervously in front of the front door. “How far are you away right now?”

The day had finally come for us to ‘go public’ and though I knew it was all fake, though we were both actors and everything about us revolved around being what others needed us to be, though I knew it was merely for my benefit, my heart continued to beat ten times faster than normal as I fiddled with my jacket zipper nervously.

“I’m about 5 minutes away, why?” The sound of his voice crackled through the phone speakers, relieving some of the stress from off my shoulders.

“Because Minho just called and told me he arranged for some paparazzi, and now I’m nervous,” I somehow managed to say while opening and closing my fists repeatedly. I knew by confiding in him this ridiculous fear, I was surely bound to be teased and ridiculed. The line was silent for a moment. What was I doing? What was I hoping to achieve by telling him this? I just told an experienced actor I was afraid of acting. Parting my lips, I rushed to excuse myself from the conversation.

“I-I.. I mean nevermind, you didn’t need to know tha-”

“Hey __,” Changbin finally spoke, gently interrupting me. “Calm down, you’re overthinking this.”

The moment his atypical words registered in my mind, I held my breath, waiting for the usual snobbish comment to come after that. However, the next thing he said sent my heartbeat spiraling out of control.

“I’ll be right there beside you.”

Sipping my mocha latte slowly, I did my best not to express the fact I was near terrified. Acting was something I normally did only in front of a camera crew and a director, never had I brought it to the real, unsuspecting world. I could almost hear the clicking of nearby hidden cameras as I clenched Changbin’s hand tighter.

Chuckling, Changbin leaned closer, breath fanning out over my neck whilst we strolled by the different shops and mini outlets.

“Relax, __. At this rate, even the paparazzi will know it’s fake.”

“Oh hush,” I giggled through my clenched teeth, bringing the smile up to my eyes and attempting to make it seem like he had just said something hilarious. “I’m not exactly the live action type.”

“You’ll get used to it,” he murmured, taking a sip of his caramel macchiato. Though I was otherwise uncomfortable with this whole situation, I had to admit, we were dressed to impress. With a lowkey couple outfit, matching vans and twin face masks, Changbin and I looked rather stunning in our apparel. And glancing over at him through my sunglasses, I was once again reminded of just how gorgeous of a person he actually was. His dark chocolate colored eyes seemed to glow gold in the morning sunlight and the tufts of hair peeking out from under his beanie framed his face in the most angelic way possible.

“Like what you see, sweetheart?” My partner’s husky voice broke me out of my trance and I scowled, playfully hitting his arm.

“You wish,” I scoffed, searching his features in vain to find an excuse for my damned eyes. “There was just…” Pausing in my stride, I reached up and pretended to pluck something from his hair. “Ah! There was just -uhm- something in your hair.

Lowering my hand, the entirety of what I had just done dawned on me. I peered shyly up at the male in front of me through my lashes, trying to gauge his reaction. On Changbin’s lips sat a gentle smile, eyes directed solely on my figure. The weight of a thousand eyes fell on me and almost immediately my brain went on auto-pilot.

Time slowed when he began to lean forward, just like it would have in the cheesy dramas I acted in. My heart beat loud and clear in my chest and blood rushed wildly through my ears. I scolded myself for the buzzed feeling, after all, it was just an act, just another corny romantic scene. However, nothing could break the barrier around my rational thought and I braced myself for whatever was bound to happen.

Part of me was expecting him to lean close to my ear and whisper ‘psyche’ and the other was internally squealing. Perhaps this is why I hadn’t made it big yet, I still didn’t have any control over my emotions. See, once his lips touched my forehead, all of my mind, rational and irrational, blanked.

The gentle kiss lasted only for a fraction of a second and the second Changbin pulled away, I broke out of the trance. Still, the stupid smile stayed on my face and again he chuckled, tucking a stray hair behind my ear.

“Whatever you say, beautiful.”

“Hey __! I saw the pictures. Not bad for a first run,” Minho’s voice floated through the car speakers after ten long seconds of the dreaded dialing tone.

“Hey Minho,” I spoke nervously, fisting the hem of my jacket. “Has anything come out yet?”

“As a matter of fact, yes.” The unmistakable pride in his voice caused a smile to bloom out over my face. I glanced at Changbin who at the moment was grinning softly, maybe there was still hope for me. “I’ll send it to you.”

Soon after the line went dead, I received a notification on my phone. I quickly opened the link.

“Breaking Headlines,” I read aloud. “World famous Actor Seo Changbin’s Girlfriend Revealed.”

Under the bold text were the pictures from our ‘date’ and my cheeks warmed at the sight of a well-shot picture of the two of us walking hand in hand.

“There you go, Bin,” I said, unable to keep the pride from my voice. “How was that?”

“You almost had me fooled,” he snorted, reaching over to pat my head, smile still present on his lips. “Now let’s get these sixty days over with.”

Though the words caused an unexpected pang of sadness to bloom in my chest, I somehow masked it with a smile.

Part 2 -->> (x)

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