#i mean if you're going to bite anyone in defense of your friend it really ought to be a corrupt cop right?

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Dazai bit a policeman?? Maybe all his calling Chuuya a dog is projecting bc that is dog behavior right there

Get his ass.

(No, but there is a post on here on a similar line where Chuuya is actually cat-coded and Dazai has just successfully duped the fandom at large when the dog-like character is actually him... you should check that out but I can't find it atm...)

[javiscigarette]

Teacher's Pet

Joel Miller x virgin f!reader

Summary: 25 years old, anxiety-ridden, and still a virgin, you ask your friend Joel for advice on your upcoming date. But you're more of a...hands-on learner. And he's more than happy to help. 

Warnings: PWP, unbalanced power dynamics, virgin!reader, neighbor/bff/more experienced! Joel, age gap, first kiss, virginity loss, fingering, oral (f receiving), frequent check-ins, soo much banter and Joel is a menace also so soft and sweet :')....(ends on a cliffhanger but there will be a part two I swear).

w/c: 7.7k idk what happened

a/n: I am resurfacing for your monthly reminder that I do in fact still write!! Inspiration for this came out of literally nowhere but I took it and RAN with it and I think I like it?? As always, thank you to my baby love @undrthelights for helping me with this and always listening to my rambling and for being my biggest enabler Ilysm

Part Two

my masterlist

"Fine! What if, hypothetically speaking of course, you were to, hypothetically, give me a, um, hypothetical, lesson or whatever." Your heart is pounding so hard you can feel your pulse throb in your neck pound in your ears. You slowly drag your hands away from your face and look at him. He stares right back at you, brows furrowed. "A what?" "Forget it. forget I said anything,” you mutter, shaking your head.  "No no wait, hang on, what do you mean? A lesson? Like a…a sex lesson?” 

"Seriously, Joel. Fuck off" you snap but with no bite or heat behind it. You bring the sweating bottle of beer to your lips and finish the rest of the now lukewarm liquid off in one gulp. 

"What? I just find it hard to believe that you've never even had a kiss. Didn't you go to high school? Didn't you ever get invited to a party? Didn't you go to college? College kids do the do like all the time” 

"Clearly not all the time" you mutter, a tad bitterly.

Joel raises his hands defensively and takes a sip of his own beer. "Just seems crazy is all. There's gotta be some chick or dude out there willing to take pity on you and pop your cherry."

You audibly gag at his choice of words. "I don't need a pity fuck, thanks." You stand from the couch and head over to the fridge. The bottles of cold alcohol inside are calling your name and you want something that will help soothe your nerves. You're not a big drinker, but when Joel is prying into your love life like he is now, you wish you were.

"Okay,” he starts from the living room. “Maybe I worded that wrong. What I meant to say was, there's gotta be someone out there who would be more than willing to show you a good time."

You groan and let your forehead fall against the fridge door. "That's the whole point! I came here to get advice for my date, someone who might actually be interested in me, and all you've done is make fun of me for not having fucked anyone yet. So thanks, Joel. You're a real pal."

You push away from the fridge and slam the door shut, a second beer in hand.

"Alright, alright, calm down." He says, hands in the air as if you were holding him at gunpoint as you head back to the couch. "Look, if this guy really likes you then he's not gonna care. Probably won't even be able to tell if you are or aren't."

"You think so?" You ask hopefully.

"Well, I mean, unless you're like... super bad."

Your heart drops into your stomach and you glare at him, "Joel."

"Oh come on, I'm kidding. You're not gonna be bad, okay? Just, go into it with an open mind and just relax. If he tries something you're not comfortable with or makes you feel weird, tell him. And if he gets pissy, dump his ass."

"That simple, huh?" You scoff.

"Well, yeah. You're the one who made it complicated by thinking it was a big deal."

"It is a big deal, Joel! I know nothing!

"Nothing? You ain’t ever watched porn? Jesus, I had no idea you were such a prude."

You can't stop yourself from rolling your eyes and slapping the back of your hand against his arm. He yelps and laughs, rubbing his arm.

"I've watched porn before" you retort. 

"What kind?" he asks with a wiggle of his brows.

"None of your fucking business" you respond, feeling your face heat up.

Joel's lips quirk into a shit-eating grin and you're quick to smack him again.

"Okay okay, sorry!" he says through his laughter. "So what exactly are you afraid of?"

You're not really sure how to answer. It's a combination of so many things, most of which are irrational fears and insecurities. Sure you've seen it all done before, but you're well aware that none of it is realistic. At least, not completely. And just the fact that you're freshly 25 years old without a single notch in your bedpost makes you dizzy with anxiety. It's not like you're saving yourself or anything, it's just that hook up culture has never agreed with you and there's never been an opportunity that made you feel like it was the right one. That is until now, with your cute coworker who you thought was miles out of your league asking you out on a third date. And now, the prospect of being in bed with him is looming over you like a dark cloud and the last thing you want to do is mess it up.

"I guess, I'm just afraid that he's gonna be disappointed, or I'm gonna weird him out, or I'm gonna do something wrong and embarrass myself.” Joel nods along and listens. "And if it is bad then we still have to work with each other and then what if it's awkward and everyone knows about it and then he hates me and--"

"Okay, whoa slow down there, buddy" Joel says, putting a hand on your shoulder. "One, you're overthinking this. You're literally thinking like, five steps ahead of what's actually going on. It's a date. And even if it does end up in the bedroom, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. No one's forcing you, okay? He can't. No one can."

"I know, but I want to," you reply quietly.

"Alright. Then do."

"I don't know howwww!! " you whine, flopping backwards into the couch.

Joel groans and sits up a little straighter, scrubbing a hand down his face. 

"Well, there's no magic trick, I don't have a secret sex manual I'm holding out on ya."

You sigh, shoulders sagging as you look over at him. The idea comes out of nowhere, well, not exactly from nowhere, but it pops in your head so fast that you then have to bite your tongue before the words bubbling up from your throat come tumbling out. 

It's not a bad idea, not necessarily. 

You've been good friends with Joel ever since you moved in next door last year. An unlikely pairing, a 40 year old contractor and an almost 25 year old office worker. But after offering him a six pack as part of introducing yourself to the neighbors, you'd gotten along fabulously. He fixes things around your house and you send him home with hot dinners and warm, gooey cookies and you watch movies together almost every Friday night.

 It's an easy friendship, open and honest and supportive, and Joel has never given you reason not to trust him. He's a good guy, if not a little brash, but you know deep down he means well. And it doesn't hurt that he's objectively attractive, with his tall and sturdy frame, strong, calloused hands, dark messy curls....It's not a bad idea.

It's an absolutely insane idea. 

You continue to stare at him, clenching your teeth together to hold back the question sitting on the tip of your tongue.

"What?" he says, looking back at you.

"Nothing" you mutter, eyes flicking away.

"You've got that face you make when you're about to say something really stupid, so just get it out."

You glare at him again, not enjoying the way he can read you so well.

"I wasn't gonna say anything."

"Well now you're lying."

"I'm not."

"You're doing it again!"

"Doing what?!"

"That face!"

"I'm not making a face!"

"Yes you are! Just spit it out!"

You groan and hide your face in your hands. You blame it on the one beer even though you know you’re not anywhere close to being drunk because how else would you justify what you’re about to say? You wait a moment, thinking about the weight of it but your mouth opens before you can stop yourself. 

"Fine! What if, hypothetically speaking of course, you were to, hypothetically, give me a, um, hypothetical, lesson or whatever."

Your heart is pounding so hard you can feel your pulse throb in your neck and hear it in your ears. You slowly drag your hands away from your face and look at him. He stares right back at you, brows furrowed.

"A what?"

"Forget it. forget I said anything,” you mutter, shaking your head. 

"No no wait, hang on, what do you mean? A lesson? Like a…a sex lesson?” 

His eyes are wide, and he looks incredulous. You can't blame him, because the more time that passes between your suggestion and now, the more ridiculous the idea seems.

"I’m sorry, that was…It was stupid. Pretend I didn't say anything. Let's just watch a movie." You move to grab the remote, but Joel's hand covers yours, stopping you.

"Is that what you want?"

You look at him, searching his expression for any sign of disgust or apprehension. But all you can see is the same Joel you've known for months, patient, warm, and understanding.

"I know. I know it's stupid. But I can't get this date out of my head, Joel. It's all I can think about and the more I do, the more worried I get and I just don't want to fuck it up. And I know we're friends and this is weird and gross, but I just thought that... maybe, I could have some practice, so to speak."

He doesn't say anything. Just keeps looking at you, the panic rising in your chest the longer the silence stretches. You start to fidget, wringing your hands together in your lap.

"I'm sorry, that was way out of line" you say, moving to stand up, your skin sweaty and hot with embarrassment and your feet ready to run out the door and never come back. 

But Joel catches your wrist, gently pulling you back down to sit next to him.

"Joel" you whine, not wanting him to humiliate you any further.

"It's okay, come here."

His voice is softer than before, and his eyes are kind. You let him pull you closer, the two of you sitting knee to knee. You can't bring yourself to look him in the eyes, not with your cheeks and the tips of your ears burning like they are, but Joel doesn't push. He simply moves his hand from your wrist, sliding it into yours. His palms are rough and warm, and the simple touch alone is comforting.

"You really wanna do this?” he asks softly. You can feel his eyes boring into you. “I mean, I'm not exactly a prize winning catch. And it's not like there's a shortage of willing men out there."

You shrug and chew the inside of your lip.

"Yeah, but you're my friend and I...I trust you."

There's another pause, and you wish that you could just disappear into the couch and erase this moment from your memory.

"How drunk are you?" he asks, glancing at the beer bottle on the coffee table.

"You saw me finish one bottle. And half of another. I’m barely tipsy."

"Not drunk?”

"Nope."

"You're gonna remember this tomorrow."

"Uh huh."

"And you still want to?"

You groan for the millionth time and squeeze his hand.

"Yes I want to! Look, if you don't want to then that's fine. It was just a dumb suggestion and we can just forget this ever happened."

He hums, considering your words. His hand slips out of yours, and you think that's it, you've scared him off and washed the friendship down the drain. That you'll have to hide from him from now on, that you'll have to pack your things up and move because the mortification would be too much, and that he'll hate you, and—

His two fingers sliding under chin surprise you, and he tilts your head up. He's looking down at you with that same even expression, eyes big, soft, and warm as he slides his hand over to cup your jaw in his palm. 

"If you want to stop at any point, just say so, okay? I won't be upset and we can go back to the way things were before. Got it?"

You nod, your throat suddenly too tight to speak. His thumb sweeps over your cheekbone, the tender touch is enough to make your heart skip a beat. There’s no way this is actually happening. That your first kiss is going to be with your 40 year old menace of a neighbor. That you’re going to, how did you put it, get a sex lesson from him. His gaze flicks down to your lips and back up to your eyes and you’re positive you’re no longer able to breathe. 

"Can I kiss you?" he asks softly. You nod. 

You're sure he can hear the thumping of your heart in his own ears as he leans down. His other hand comes to rest on your hip and when his lips touch yours, a soft, tentative pressure, you're not prepared for the electricity that shoots through you.

He's barely done anything and already you feel like you're floating. Your own hands reach out to clutch his shirt, keeping him close, afraid he'll pull away and leave you cold and wanting if you don't. But he stays put, pressing himself against you, his lips working gently against yours. You follow his lead, kissing him back while trying not to overthink it.

It's nothing like the kisses in the movies or the books, where fireworks explode behind your eyelids or where your foot pops up in the air. It's far more subdued, more quiet and subtle. But the warmth that pools low in your belly and the goosebumps that erupt on your skin when his tongue slides against the seam of your lips, light and quick, makes you absolutely melt. 

He pulls back before you can really react, and you're left with a dizzying rush of both blistering desire and excruciating anxiety. You want to pull him back in and never let him go. But your heart is beating so fast you can hardly breathe, your nerves are buzzing, and the urge to run and hide is nearly paralyzing. 

"Was it bad?" you ask tentatively, cheeks heated.

"No" he replies, giving your hip a squeeze as a smirk plays on his lips. "It was fucking awful. Worst kiss of my life"

"Shut up!" you hiss, pushing him away with a hand on his chest. He laughs, the sound easing some of the tension in your body. 

"I'm just teasing" he says, voice dropping lower. "C'mere, we can work on it."

His lips find yours again, and you try not to smile into the kiss but it's hard when you can feel the way his lips are quirked up as well. It doesn’t take much else to get you to relax and let yourself fall into the moment, into the gentle press of his mouth and the warm hands on your hip and your cheek. He swipes his tongue against your lips again, his fingers pressing lightly into the hinge of your jaw to tilt your head back and coax your lips apart.

You let him, sighing as his tongue glides across yours, hot and smooth and sweet. Your hands slide up his chest, finding purchase around his shoulders, and when you move forward, pushing yourself against him, he grunts softly but lets you. He kisses you until the both of you are gasping for air, and when he pulls back, his lips are wet and red and you're certain yours must be as well.

"Better?" you ask, a bit breathless.

"Getting there" he answers with, his breath warm where it fans across your cheek. 

"You're such a liar" you say with a goofy smile.

"Yeah, I know. Now try again, practice makes perfect.” 

You roll your eyes but lean back in nonetheless. It's a bit more heated this time, the feeling of his teeth nibbling on your bottom lip making you squirm. His hand rounds over your hip, palm smoothing to the small of your back to pull you closer, the heat of his body radiating through your clothes and warming your skin. Your hands move on their own accord, no thought behind the action as they slide up to his shoulders and then his neck, your fingers finding home in the curls at the base of his skull. When you give them a slight tug, you're rewarded with a muffled grunt from Joel. Emboldened, you pull back, lips swollen and tingling.

"You’re a good kisser,” you pant. "Is that something people usually say?"

"When it’s true" he says, grinning at you. "And since I know you're gonna ask, I'd say that was a C+, maybe a B-."

You scoff but blush furiously at the smile he flashes, his eyes crinkling in the corners.

"Well then, tell me what to do next. What do I need to know?"

Joel hums as he thinks for a moment. 

"What do you want to do?"

You stare at him for a second, blinking.

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking you" you say, shaking your head a bit.

"Well, how far do you want to take this?"

You swallow hard, suddenly feeling very shy. You can’t deny that when the idea popped in your head it was accompanied by the mental image of you naked, spread out on his bed, but the actual act of asking him, or better yet, actually doing it is... intimidating to say the least. Are you really about to let him go all the way, to see you bare and vulnerable, let him pop your cherry as he would disgustingly put it? All just to “prepare” for a date with a guy who might not even like you that way?

Yeah, probably.

"All the way" you answer. “I want to go all the way” 

He doesn’t pounce on you like you expected, doesn’t press his lips against yours in a frenzied kiss that you had half hoped for. Instead, he simply looks at you, his brown eyes boring into yours, searching.

"Are you sure? You can always say no and you're not gonna lose me as a friend if this isn’t what you actually want. I don’t want you thinking that."

You can't help the laugh that bubbles up and slips out, because of course Joel, your kind, thoughtful Joel, would say that. He's a good man. A great one, even.

"Yes, I'm sure. But if you don't want to, I get it, I can just leave and-"

Joel laughs, the sound traveling up from deep in his chest, the rumble vibrating against you.

"Sweetheart, I wouldn't be doin’ this if I didn't want to. Just makin’ sure this is what you really want."

"I want it.” 

He squeezes your hip and swipes a thumb over your cheekbone once again. 

“Alright then.” He nods, firm and resolute, and then looks around the room. “ We’re not doing it here, though. If you're getting the full Joel Miller experience, we're gonna do it right.” 

Your eyes roll reflexively, but your heart picks up its pace regardless.

"I’m not gonna do anything if you call it that ever again."

"Fine, fine,” he relents. “Let me show you what a good, thorough fucking feels like. Better?"

Your jaw drops, and he's laughing at you, his body shaking with amusement.

"Fuck you" you grumble, shoving him away while trying to hide your coy smile. 

"Yeah, that's what I'm hoping for," he says with a wide, self-assured grin.

"I'm leaving" you declare with a false sense of offense as you rise to your feet. Joel is quick to do the same and before you can take a single step away, he slips a finger through the belt loop of your jeans and tugs you back into him, wrapping an arm around your waist.

"I’ll stop, I’ll stop. I'm sorry" he says, not sounding it one bit.

You huff, but let him pull you closer until you’re pressed against his chest and you have to tilt your head back to look at him.

"I’ll be good. I promise."

"Liar"

"Well, yeah. But I can promise that I'll make you feel good."

You can't help the giggle that spills out and he kisses it away, his lips warm and plush and sweet against yours. The hand not resting on your lower back comes up, curling around the nape of your neck and keeping you close. You sink into him, and the fog creeps in again, dulling the rest of the world, making it seem fuzzy and distant, like the memory of a dream. All you can focus on is him, the warm solid weight of him against you, the strong arms holding you, the way his mouth moves against yours. And then he’s pulling back all too soon and you have to stifle a whine.

"Come on" he says, tugging at your hand.

His bedroom is dim, the little lamp on his nightstand and the faint glow of the moon through the curtains providing the only light. You swallow and take a deep breath as you step inside, your bare toes digging into the plush carpet, his hand warm and large where it grips yours.

He holds onto you as he sits on the edge of the bed. You step forward, letting him pull you between his knees. His hands settle on your hips, and you can feel their heat through the fabric of your shirt.

He doesn’t ask if you're sure again and you’re grateful because you’re not sure if you could form any kind of response right now. Instead, he slides his hands up and under your shirt, fingers dancing across your skin and leaving a trail of goosebumps. Your breath hitches as his hands smooth over your ribs and around to your back, the tips of his fingers mapping out the curve of your spine, skimming over each notch and bump. They climb higher, the fabric of your shirt bunching around his wrists. 

“Can I take this off, baby?”

Your heart jumps to your throat but you nod anyway. He grabs the hem and tugs your shirt up and and you lift your arms so he can slip it off over your head. He tosses it aside, the fabric falling to the floor beside the bed. You’re left exposed, vulnerable and bare, save for the worn out bra you wear, a few too many washes and a few years past its prime.

Your hands itch where they hang by your side with the instinct to cover yourself, hide the imperfections that you know so well, the stretch marks, the softness of your stomach, the way the cups of your bra are just a bit too small and spill over the tops.

But then he’s pressing his lips to the space just above your navel, his scruff tickling your skin and making the muscles in your abdomen jump and twitch. His hands find your waist again, and when his lips continue their path upwards, his palms follow, skimming up your sides, thumbs tracing the outline of your ribs before stopping at the band of your bra.

"This too?" he asks, voice quiet and husky.

"Yeah" you answer with a squeak, and he grins like a kid in a candy store.

His fingers undo the clasp deftness that makes your knees go weak, the straps slipping from your shoulders and the whole thing sliding down your arms, landing somewhere near your shirt. 

"God, baby, look at you" he murmurs, his hands cupping the underside of your breasts, his thumbs sweeping over the tops and then down the slope and around your nipple. Your breath hitches, the gentle touch sending a shiver up your spine. "You're fucking perfect."

The praise is unexpected and it sends a jolt of heat through your core. You whimper quietly and his hands are on you again, the calloused palms rough on the soft skin of your breasts. He kneads the flesh, squeezing gently before rolling your nipples between his fingers, pulling and pinching and teasing. 

He pulls you closer and ducks his head, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. He looks up at you through his lashes, eyes dark and hooded, and his pupils blown wide with desire.

"Can I?" he asks.

"Please."

He leans in and wraps his lips around a peaked nipple, his tongue swirling around the sensitive nub, the gentle heat of his mouth on your skin making your knees weak.

His mouth works on one breast, tongue flicking and teasing while his free hand continues its work on the other. Pleasure builds and coils deep inside, the sensation unfamiliar but certainly not unwelcome. You whimper and he pulls away, releasing your nipple with a wet pop before giving it a sweet parting kiss.

He turns his attention to the other, his teeth grazing over the stiff peak and drawing a whine from your lips. He sighs when your fingers tighten in his hair, pulling at the strands until he groans softly against you. He sucks your other nipple into his mouth, the flat of his tongue pressing against it and dragging up and around, swirling and flicking. You’re already breathless, panting, a thin sheen of sweat glistening on your forehead.

"Feels good, Joel," you whisper shyly. 

"I know, honey" he says, a soft smile pulling at his lips when he pulls away. "Feel good anywhere else?"

He doesn't wait for a response, simply slips a hand between your thighs, cupping you through the denim, the simple action making you squeak.

"Here, huh?" he says, the heel of his palm pressing against you.

You gasp softly and nod, biting your lip, too shy to say anything.

"Get on the bed, baby."

You comply, crawling onto the mattress and scooting backwards towards the pillows, sitting at the head of the bed as you watch him. His eyes never leave you as he pulls his shirt over his head, tossing it onto the floor. Your heart thumps as you stare at his bare chest, his tanned skin dotted with a light dusting of salt and pepper hair. He's broad, his shoulders thick and chest solid. Your fingers burn with the urge to reach out and touch him, so you do, extending a tentative, slightly shaky hand.

He watches you closely, eyes flitting down to the palm pressed against his chest before meeting yours again, his mouth curling into a smile.

"You can touch" he says, reaching down to curl a hand around your wrist and bringing it up to his lips, pressing a kiss to the center of your palm before guiding your hand back down to his chest. "I think most people would enjoy that."

"You're having entirely too much fun with this,” you mumble while your fingers spread out across his pec.  

"It is fun" he counters, his own hand sliding up the inside of your thigh, thumb pressing against the seam of your jeans and rubbing up and down. "But it'll be more fun once these come off"

Your lips part, a puff of air rushing out.

"You gonna take them off?" you ask, the words slipping out, bold and unbidden.

He grins, his brow quirking up.

"Look at you, being all bossy"

"You like it" you say, finally feeling some of the anxiety slipping away, the familiar and comfortable banter between the two of you slipping into place in a new, unfamiliar situation.

His smile takes up nearly his whole face as moves closer. 

“I sure do.” 

He looms over you, bracing himself on an elbow next to your head before ducking down to kiss you, his tongue easily slipping into your mouth, warm and insistent. You sigh into it, your hands finding the warm, bare skin of his back, muscles gliding beneath your palms as you slide them up and around, fingertips digging into his shoulders. He's so warm and solid and you can't help the little noise that slips out, a soft, needy moan. You're about to break the kiss and beg him to touch you, give you something, anything, but he pulls back before you can. 

"Impatient. I like that too" he says, voice barely above a whisper.

He kisses the corner of your mouth, then your cheek, then down your neck, his beard scraping against your skin. He continues his path, pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses across your collarbones and down the valley between your breasts, his beard tickling your sternum.

His palm presses into the top of your thigh, and you instinctively open your legs for him, his hand immediately moving to cup you through the denim, thick fingers pressing against the seam and the bundle of nerves just below. Your hips rock up, seeking more pressure and he grins, entirely too pleased with himself right now.

You huff, and he laughs, the sound rumbling in his chest, but he relents, undoing the button and zipper of your jeans and tugging the fabric down, revealing the pair of pink panties underneath. 

Joel sits up, pulling your jeans down your legs and letting them drop off the side of the bed, the sound of the denim hitting the floor indicating that you've officially crossed a line that neither of you can come back from. But if the hungry, desperate look on his face and the way you're practically vibrating underneath him are any indication, neither of you want to.

"I'll start with just my fingers, yeah?" he says, his hands running up the insides of your thighs, touch light and teasing, the tips of his fingers brushing the edge of your panties. You nod dumbly, at a complete loss for words right now.

He ducks his head, his lips landing on the smooth skin stretched over your hip bone. You squirm, ticklish, and he grins. His mouth is a great distraction from his hand, which has found its way back in between your legs, his fingers now pressing against damp fabric.

"Shit" he curses, his touch firm. "Fuckin' soaked already. Am I just that good?" he quips with a smirk.

"Jesus do you ever shut up" you gripe, but the effect is ruined by the whimper that escapes you when his thumb sweeps up, pressing hard against your clit. 

"Oh, that's a pretty sound" he murmurs, repeating the motion to pull out another one, your hips bucking against his hand.

"Now," he starts, his tone shifting to the same one he uses when he's about to impart some life lesson. "This guy you're gonna see, or any man for that matter, should always take care of you before himself. That's just common fuckin' sense. And if he doesn't, you send him on his way" he continues. "Because a man that don't wanna see a woman get off is no fuckin' man at all"

You're about to interrupt, tell him he's an idiot and ask him to please, please, get on with it, but his fingers sliding under the elastic of your panties, swiftly pulling them down your legs steals the breath from your lungs. Your pulse sky rockets and you shift underneath him, crossing your thighs in instinctual effort to hide yourself from him. 

"M'sorry I didn't shave or anything" you blurt out, your throat tight with anxiety and embarrassment once again 

Joel just shakes his head as he pries your legs apart.

"Baby, I could not give less of a shit about that."

"But-"

"No" he says, the word firm, an edge of command to his tone. "You’re not apologizin’ for that. And if a man gives a shit, he's a fuckin' child who doesn't deserve the honor of bein' between these thighs" he says, pushing your knees further apart.

You nod and bite your lip, the words that are just so very Joel, settling in your chest and easing the tension in your body. You let out a long, slow breath and relax, trying to ease the nervousness.

"There ya go" he says, his fingers dancing along your slit, gathering the slick pooling there. You shudder at the gentle touch, your hips rolling up just a bit before you force them back down into the mattress, trying to keep yourself still.

"Nuh-uh. None of that" he says, immediately noticing the movement. He slides his free hand under you, his palm pushing into the small of your back and encouraging you to move again, to lean into your pleasure. "You take what you want, baby. Show me how good it feels. That's all I wanna see."

You squirm and whimper, the simple, almost lazy touch driving you insane. You've touched yourself before, brought yourself over the edge while imagining what it would be like to have the things you read about and watch in videos happen to you. But you've never managed to make yourself feel this good, never felt pleasure so intense, never felt a burning pressure in your abdomen so demanding that it radiates all the way to the tips of your fingers and toes.

And he's barely touched you.

"How's that feel?"

You can't even form the words, so you just nod and hum, the sound a mix of a whimper and a moan, your hips rolling up against his palm. He chuckles, and then the pressure increases, the friction building, his fingers slipping down, collecting more of your wetness to ease the drag against your skin.

He moves his fingers down, down, down, the tip of one circling your entrance, gathering the wetness pooling there. You whine loudly, any shame and modesty you once had replaced entirely with desperate need and pure desire.

"Please, Joel" you whisper, voice shaky.

"I gotcha" he says, dipping his fingertip in, just barely, and pulling a moan from deep in your chest. "Gonna give you what you need"

You groan, a long, low sound as he slowly sinks his finger into you. It's nothing like your own, so perfectly thick and long/ And you found the spot before, the spot that he curls his finger up into, but never at this angle, never with the perfect amount of pressure that he's applying right now. 

"Mmm, look at that" he coos as you clench tightly around his finger.

"Joel, god, feels so good" you whimper pathetically. 

"I know, honey, I know."

You clench again, the cockiness and self-assured attitude that usually gets under your skin now ignites your whole body in an entirely different way. He keeps his eyes on your face, watching as your eyes squeeze shut and your mouth drops open, your head tipping back as the pleasure builds.

"Another" you beg, the fullness not nearly enough.

"Greedy girl" he chides, but he pulls his finger out, and slides two back in. You swear that you could come from this alone, but he doesn't let you, the hand that was supporting your lower back disappearing, only to reappear between your thighs, his thumb circling your clit with firm, steady strokes.

White hot pleasure wraps around the base of your spine, the dual sensations of his fingers and his thumb sending you spiraling. The sounds falling from your lips are unrecognizable, high and desperate as your mind goes blissfully blank, your entire focus on the heat coiling in your abdomen. Your eyebrows pinch together and you bury your face in the pillow next to your head, trying to hide the ridiculous expression you're surely making, but you inhale the traces of his shampoo and cologne that cling to the fabric, the scent pushing you even closer to the edge. 

You try to hold back. Surely you're not supposed to come this quickly, not just from two fingers and a thumb. Surely that's a sign that you're an easy lay, or too inexperienced, or-

"Just let it happen, baby. I can feel it, Just let go" Joel says, his voice cutting through the thoughts racing through your mind, his fingers crooking inside you and dragging across the spot that makes your hips stutter and a cry fall from your lips.

You can't hold back any longer, the pleasure cresting and crashing down around you. You squeeze his fingers, your back arching, the heels of your feet digging into the mattress as you roll your hips up into his touch, seeking more and more and more. And he gives and gives and gives, working you through it and drawing it out for as long as he can before you melt into the mattress, bones and muscles liquid and warm and satisfied.

He pulls his fingers out, and the sudden emptiness draws a disappointed whine from you, his answering chuckle making you smile.

"That was- fuck" you sigh, not quite capable of coherent thought.

"Absolutely mind-blowing? Yeah I know" he teases. You roll your eyes but don't say anything because it's true, and his cocky grin fades into a soft smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he watches you return to Earth. 

"Can I- can I return the favor?" you ask, your gaze flicking down to the noticeable bulge in his jeans.

He grunts and shakes his head.

"Not yet. Got somethin' else in mind."

You frown and push yourself up onto your elbows, watching as he shifts from his position. You're about to ask what he's going to do until he's settling himself on his stomach between your thighs. You suck in a sharp breath as you realize exactly what he's got planned and your heart jumps, anxiety clouding your mind once again. 

He rests his cheek on your thigh, his eyes meeting yours.

"Alright?"

You swallow and nod, licking your lips.

"Yeah. Just... no one's ever-"

"Yeah, I got that much, that's why we're here" he says, smiling smugly when you glare at him. 

"But what if it's not good? Or I don't taste good? Or-"

"Stop" he says, the single word halting your runaway train of thought. "You need lessons in relaxing, not sex. You're so fucking tense all the time"

"Sorry" you say, immediately cringing.

He sighs, his breath ghosting over the skin of your inner thigh, making you shiver. "What did I say about apologizin'?" he says, his tone slightly sharp.

"I know. Sorry- shit, sorry! Fuck!"

He barks out a laugh and you huff, bringing up both hands to scrub over your face.

"See what I mean?"

"Yes, yes, you're very smart and know everything"

He hums and nips at your thigh.

"Damn right I do."

You want to snark back, but his mouth is moving, his lips trailing down the inside of your thigh and towards where you're aching for him, slick and wet and throbbing. He takes his time, laying kisses on your thighs, hips, and stomach, his scruff scraping the sensitive skin, huffing out a laugh when you start to squirm, your patience wearing thin.

His hands smooth over the soft flesh of your inner thighs, urging you to spread them wider before spreading you open with his thumbs, exposing you completely. You feel exposed, vulnerable, and the urge to close your legs and hide yourself from his gaze is overwhelming, the embarrassment making your skin burn. But before you can even think about closing them, his tongue is on you, sliding up the length of you and circling your clit. The moan that escapes you is embarrassingly loud and high pitched, but the mortification is easily swallowed up by the pleasure.

He hums against you, the sound and the feeling sending a shudder through your body. Your hands grip the pillow behind your head and you try not to buck up into his mouth, but your attempts are futile. He doesn't seem to mind though, in fact you think it spurs him on, his tongue flattening against you and lapping at you messily, the wetness he's coaxed from you smearing across his mouth and chin.

The sound is lewd and obscene, the sloppy, slick noises and the soft grunts and groans that rumble in his chest as he works you up. He pulls back, his breath coming out in pants, his chest heaving as he looks up at you, his eyes dark and hooded.

"Don't know what you were worried about" he says, his voice low and raspy. "You taste fuckin' divine"

His beard is shiny and damp, his lips glistening, hair messy from where your fingers were tangled in it. The sight of him looking so completely disheveled and filthy has you clenching around nothing, the ache almost too much to bear.

He doesn't say anything else, just ducks his head and gets back to work, his mouth moving with a renewed urgency, his hands gripping your thighs and pushing them further apart, allowing him better access.

Your eyes roll back and your mouth falls open, a constant stream of moans and whines and babbling pleas and praises falling from your lips, but you're not really sure what you're saying, not really sure of anything except the intoxicating pleasure coursing through your veins.

You hear him moan, can feel the vibration against your skin, and you glance down at him, and that's a mistake. The sight of him, his eyes closed and brows drawn together in concentration, his cheeks hollowed out as he sucks and nips and laps at you and– is he fucking grinding his hips into the mattress?

You're fucked.

A throaty moan tumbles past your lips as your hips start to rock, a rhythm forming as you chase your orgasm. His hands leave your thighs and he slides one arm up, the weight of it resting against your abdomen to keep you still while his other hand snakes down, fingers dipping inside again, finding the spot that makes you see stars.

"Fuck, Joel, please, oh my god, I'm so- please"

He groans in response, the hand on your stomach pressing down harder to meet the two fingers curling and stroking inside of you. You cry out at the increased pressure right as he wraps his lips around your clit, sucking and swirling his tongue around the bud, his fingers moving faster and faster. Flames lick up your spine and spread throughout your body, threatening to burn you alive. 

Your orgasm hits you like a freight train, knocking the wind out of you and turning your limbs to jello. Wave after wave of blinding euphoria crashes over you and all you can do is cling to the pillow and arch your back, your toes curling as he continues to work his fingers and tongue, happily letting you ride his face and grind into his mouth.

He doesn't let up, not until you're a whimpering, trembling mess, physically pushing his head away when it becomes too much. He pulls back reluctantly, a wicked grin plastered to his face, his chin and mouth absolutely soaked. You're panting, struggling to catch your breath as the aftershocks make you shiver despite the content warmth spreading throughout your entire body.You feel sated and sleepy, a bone deep satisfaction making you feel boneless. 

But as you come down from your high, rational thoughts start to filter in and you suddenly remember the reason this all started in the first place.

You're here to learn, he should be teaching you how to please a man.

How to please him. 

You watch as he gets off the bed and wipes his chin with the back of his hand. Your eyes shamelessly rake over him, the dusty pink flush that decorates his neck and chest, the curve of his belly down to the impressive bulge in his jeans. 

You push yourself up, ignoring the way your arms tremble with the effort. He looks at you, his eyes scanning your face no doubt looking for signs of distress.

"You ok?" he asks, eyebrows pinched together in his typical concerned Joel fashion.

"Yeah" you say, a little breathlessly. "But I still want to..."

Your voice trails off and you glance down at his crotch, hoping he gets the message.

"That's alright, baby. It's a lot, we don't-"

"No" you interrupt, a hint of desperation in your voice. "You said you would teach me. Please, Joel. I-I wanna learn" You hope it's a good enough cover to the fact that you really just want him, your original goal forgotten. "I just don't want to embarrass myself" you add, pouting slightly for good measure, praying to god that he can’t detect the underlying want for him and him only.

He watches you for a moment, seemingly contemplating his decision. And then his eyes narrow, because of course he knows. There's never been an instance where you succeeded in lying to this man. He always, always knows when something is off.

"Alright" he says, a slow smile spreading across his face, something mischievous sparkling in his eyes. "Dick sucking class is now in session"

You groan, your face twisting with visible disgust.

"Oh my god, that was terrible."

"What? It's true" he says with a shrug.

"That is- no, no way. Never say those words ever again. Ever." you say, pointing a finger at him accusingly.

"Or what?" he challenges, taking a step towards the bed.

You gulp and lick your lips.

"Or..."

He waits expectantly for a response. You have none, so you just shake your head and look away.

"Yeah, that's what I thought"

You glare at him and then sigh.

"You're a bully"

"Am I?” He asks, taking a step back to give you more room. “ 'Cause you're the one that asked me to teach ya. On your knees, kid. Let's see whatcha got."

You chew on the inside of your cheek, trying to suppress a grin. You don't know how he does it, but his ability to make a joke or a quip out of anything always has a smile tugging at the corner of your lips, even when the jokes are awful and the puns are terrible. Even when the joke is about you getting ready to suck his dick. 

"You're a bully and a pervert" you say, sliding off the bed and sliding to your knees, the plush carpet doing a decent job at protecting your joints.

"And proud of it.”

"Pride is a sin."

"So is premarital sex, so I'll see you in hell, honey"

You snort and look up at him from your place on the floor, grinning widely.

"You're ridiculous"

"You love it"

And that's the thing, isn't it?

Because you do. You love his innate ability to make you laugh, to make you smile even when he's about to take your fucking virginity. He knows how to comfort you, how to put you at ease, when to push you with his teasing and when to pull back and let you take control. You've never met a person who has so effortlessly made their way into your heart.

And here you are, on your knees for him under the false pretense of practicing for a man who's name you can't even remember right now.

You shake your head, the motion clearing the thoughts and the emotions that were swirling in your head, the ones that make you want to stand up and kiss him, kiss him until your lips are numb and you're left gasping for air.

"Joel?" you say his name softly.

"Yeah, baby?"

"Teach me."

Part 2 is already in the works I promise hehehe thank you for reading I hope u all enjoy!!

[t0yac1d]

Attention (C.Grimes x Fem!Reader)

Request: hi! I had a request in mind with Carl grimes where like the f! reader is being a brat because they haven’t had sex in a while and she’s starting to become really pent up so she starts acting up and stuff and Carl yk deals with her. And it involves stuff like degradation, oral(f receiving), overstimulation. And then include some aftercare afterwards where he’s all like lovey dovey and shit.

Btw no worries if you can’t write this anytime soon! 🫶🏻

Word Count: 2,017

Warnings: Smut, bratty/mean!Reader, jealous/mean!Carl, some degrading but lots of mean!Carl, biting, teasing, oral (fem receiving), overstimulation, aftercare

Notes: Idk loves, I think I like having mean!Carl around. Also, I am so fucking sorry for getting this out extremely late, it won't happen again!

You've never been one to act out. Never been one to be impatient over something so small. Never been one to cause a problem that could've very easily been solved if talked about. But as they say, there's always, always, always, a first for everything.

It's been a little while since you and Carl have done anything intimate. Whether it had been holding hands, cuddling, kissing, or even just sex. You're aware of the huge ongoing and dangerous situation that's going on. The world has gone to shit, and it has been like that for years. So, you know that you can't always live that perfect and peaceful life you dreamed. But you just missed your boy's touch, his smell and presence so much that it started to get to you.

You lacked attention from him, he'd give you a glance and a smile when he could but other than that, you've been sleeping in an empty and cold bed.

It started a couple of weeks ago, your tone and mood shifted whenever you spoke to him. You acted colder to him than to anyone else. He had wondered if he did something to upset his girl, but before he had the chance to ask his dad called him over for help, and since then he had forgotten about it.

You then started getting a little too touchy with some of the guys, especially Ron. That made Carl feel something within, something he hasn't felt before. You've always talked to Ron, you guys were pretty close, but for some reason he felt as if right at that moment there was something else happening that wasn't friend-like.

You've tried almost every way to get Carl to react to you, including flirting with Ron to see if he'd grab you and take you to his room so you could finally feel his touch after so long. But it all failed. You were so close to giving up when you got an idea that wasn't exactly the best.

But if it gave you the possibility to be touched in anyway by your boyfriend, you'd take it.

Carl was in his room, getting dressed to go out on a run. This was your chance to:

A. Have a peaceful conversation and talk to him

Or

B. Make him feel what he unintentionally made you feel

You made sure to wear the hottest and sluttiest outfit you owned. A very short and tight shirt that showed a beautiful amount of cleavage and the miniest skirt you had in your wardrobe. But it was perfect for the weather, as it was a heat wave. So, in your defense, it was the only outfit that kept you cool in this heat!

Before you walked in the room you gave a knock on the door and announced it was you. When you got the green light to come in, you opened the door and closed it behind you.

You made your way to his full body mirror, not saying a word to him as you fixed your hair, face, and just checked yourself out while checking him out in the mirror at the same time.

"What? No 'Hi'?" he joked, walking to you, and wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you close to him.

If you weren't so upset with how he treated you these past couple of weeks, you would've leaned into his touch and sighed with content, inhaled his scent and enjoy his presence while you had him.

But you kept your composure. You stood your ground and resisted the feeling.

"Hi, Carl." you muttered, focusing on your figure more than his, you knew if you continued to glance his way you'd pounce on him.

"Hi baby," he smiled, leaning in to give your cheek a kiss. When he did you wiped it off with the back of your hand and sighed, "Don't do that, you'll ruin the blush."

Carl's face twisted in confusion, you've never cared when he kissed your face before, whether there was makeup or not. "Sorry," he apologized.

"Sure, how do I look?" you questioned, crossing your arms, making your tits push together and almost spill out of your tiny top. "Beautiful as always. Are you coming with me?" he asked. "No, I'm heading to Ron's."

Carl felt a pang in his heart and gut.

"Why?" he asked, curiosity taking over him.

"To be fucked and stuffed my love." you smiled.

You didn't even get the chance to walk to the door when Carl hooked two of fingers around the belt loop of your shorts and pulled you towards him, your back hitting his chest.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"What?" you asked, tilting your head.

"I must've heard your pretty mouth wrong. Why are you going to Ron's?"

"To be fucked and stuffed." You repeated, looking up at him, "Don't you have somewhere important to be? Like leaving me again for the fourth week in the row?"

The cogs in Carl's head turned and a lightbulb went off, "You're acting like this because I've been busy?"

"No, I'm acting like this because I'm practically in a relationship by myself."

"So, you dress like a whore and tell me you're going to get fucked by your friend? You're funny." he chuckled, turning you so your body would face him.

"I'm not joking. If you won't fuck me, I'll just go to someone who will. Someone who I know would fuck me better than-"

Carl grabbed your jaw and forced you to shut your mouth, "What was that? I couldn't hear you; can you say that again for me?"

You whimpered, hands tugging at the hem of his shirt.

"Get on the bed and lay on your back." he said as he let go of your face.

"And if I don't?" you teased, your lips getting closer to his, ghosting over them. "Get the fuck on the bed, bitch."

You giggled and lied down on the bed, he wished he could be mad at you for saying those things. But he can't. He just can't.

You look too beautiful and dreamy with the way you were splayed out on his bed.

"This is funny to you sweetheart?" he asked, hovering over you, kissing your neck and leaving bite marks over the skin. "Just a little," you sighed.

Carl hummed and made his way down to your shorts. He unbuttoned them and pulled them down. He kissed the inside of your thigh and softly bit them.

You were soaked, you just knew there was a wet patch on the middle of your panties from how desperate you were for Carl. He looked up at the wet spot and smirked, "I haven't even started yet, and you're already soaked."

"Not for you, that's for sure." you said, crossing your arms. "Not for me?" he asked.

"No. Not for you."

He hummed at your response and his fingers grazed against your clothed cunt. Your body shivered at his touch, and you sucked in a breath.

He toyed with your clit through your panties and lightly touched it.

He slid your panties to the side and teased your aching, begging, wet hole with a finger.

He moved his hand back and got off of the bed. "What are you doing?" you asked, "Well, you're not wet for me, right? You're wet for him."

"You can go to him to cum." he smiled.

Well, this didn't go as planned. He was supposed to deal with you, but he's just, leaving?

"So, you're leaving your girlfriend here?" you asked, "No, I'm leaving a brat here. Tell my girlfriend I'll be back."

"Your girlfriend is gonna be fucking another guy on your bed." you mumbled, Carl scoffed and turned back to you. He spread your legs and pulled your panties off of your body.

He pushed your legs up to your chest and dipped head low.

You felt his tongue lick and lap at your folds and juices. Drinking you and tasting your essence. You were so horny and pent up from the lack of sex that you didn't need much to cum. His tongue alone was doing the job.

Your whines and moans grew louder and louder, you were so close to cumming on his tongue. Your mind was foggy and empty, the only thing in that head of yours was that you got what you've been missing.

Your moans began to break as you felt yourself about to cum, that's when you felt Carl's tongue leave from between your legs.

"Apologize." he said, "W-What," you stuttered, "Apologize for the things you said."

"Um, I'm s-sorry,"

"Say it like you mean it."

He pushed his knee close to your pussy, the friction making your toes curl.

"I do mean it!" you cried out,

Carl didn't really believe you; he didn't believe you meant it but that's fine. He'll just get it out of you.

He spread your legs once more and dipped his head between your thighs and kept your legs on his shoulders. He shoved two fingers and his tongue in your hole and curled them.

You came all over his tongue and fingers, panting and wiping sweat off of your forehead.

You thought that was all until Carl cleaned his fingers and dove back in. Your hand flew to his head, you were so sensitive right now. You were always sensitive after you came, and Carl knew that he also wanted to take advantage of that.

Again, it didn't take much for you to cum, but each time you did he would just go back in. He wouldn't give you a break and you started to feel tears fall down your face from the stimulation.

"Apologize and this will be the last one. If I don't believe you, we'll just keep going."

He's been repeating that over and over and over again. You've apologized more than you can count on both hands.

"I didn't mean it! I didn't mean when I said I was going to fuck Ron! I-I didn't mean it when I said he was better!" your whines broke your sentence up so much, you sounded so pretty, and looked so slutty.

So messy.

Your hair clung to your skin, your mascara ran down your face and you were shining with a coat of sweat. Your skin was hot, and your cheeks were flushed. You were a mess. And it was all because of him.

You felt Carl smile and he made you cum one last time before kissing up your sweaty legs, stomach, chest, neck and face. "You want anything? Water or a snack?" he asked, "Water.." you said, your voice not even above a whisper.

Carl left his room to grab a cup of water and some snacks. He gave you the water as he went to run a cool bath for you. He came back to his room and picked you up bridal style. "Can't wait to carry you up like this through the threshold." he chuckled sweetly.

He sat you down on the tub and helped you take your shirt off and wiped your makeup off for you.

"Get in, let me clean you." he softly spoke. His tone was different from before, guess he just matched the energy you were giving him before.

You sat in the tub as Carl lathered your body in soap and cleaned you off. He was so sweet to you. He wouldn't hurt you, not on accident, never on purpose. "I'm sorry for the way I acted." you spoke up, breaking the silence.

"It's okay love. You were just upset that I haven't been treating you like my girlfriend and I understand that. But say shit like fucking Ron again and I'm beating him and fucking you like a whore."

You smiled and giggled at his words, "You'd like that," he said, shaking his head, "I would."

"Freak." he joked.

It was times like these that made you remember that he in fact did love you. Even when you acted out and got moody, he still loved you and cared for you deeply.

[whackk-kermitt]

Kisses & Bitmarks

Warning: Derek is secretly a softy, obliviously in love, mutual pinning, confessions, Stiles being a horny bitch (only a little), Scott being a dummy, Derek is still an Alpha, everyone is alive Summary: In a series of unfortunate events, Stiles finds himself with the bite of the wolf. After the shift, he needs an Alpha to coach his control. Scott is NO help AT ALL. NOT PROOFREAD

≫ ────── ≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫ ────── ≪ "Derek, I can help."

"No, stay here."

"Derek-" Stiles grumbles as the alpha turns to scowl at him. "Scott, will you tell him I can help?"

Scott squirms where he stands just a few feet away, "I think you should stay here, dude."

"Dude," Stiles gasps hands coming up in his exasperation to slap down on his sides. "Who's side are you on?"

"A feral alpha, who has already killed and eaten four hikers, is not something that involves defenses humans."

"First, ouch. How dare you, I'm not defenseless when all of you are there. Second, I'm the one who tracked his guy down and I want to help."

"First," Derek bites back getting in his face, frustration and annoyance coming off him in waves, making his betas cower a bit. "You are defenseless which is why me, Scott, or someone else is always with you to make sure you get out alive. If you're there, their focus isn't on the extremely dangerous alpha. Second, you've already helped, so shut up, sit in your jeep, and let us kill the damn thing without you being underfoot." Derek growled through fitted teeth.

To anyone who just met Derek, they'd be pissing their pants if they were in his shoes. Derek being angry for receiving lip and getting in his face, primal growls and glowing fire in his eyes. Hell, if this was a few years ago, Stiles would be pissing himself right now.

But this is Derek, and Stiles knows Derek well enough to say that half of Derek's attitude and threats are out of love and worry. As strange as that sounds. And it is probably not any surprise, to the wolves at least, that Stiles isn't scared by his fangs and claws anymore.

His body still reacts to it, just not the way it used to.

It's hot, okay, don't judge him!

Stiles gave in, not in the mood anymore to argue, and grumbled like a pouting child. Not that he wouldn't argue the hell out of Derek, it's his favorite pastime. But he didn't wanna be around Derek when he was just intimated into arousal by him. Kind of embarrassing.

Stiles knew Derek knew, but Derek never said anything, thank god. He'd rather keep what little friendship with Derek he had than ruin it by things getting awkward. If Derek gave him the mercy of pretending he couldn't hear his heartbeat when he came into the room, or smell the on his flesh when Derek gave him the attention that excited him(sexually or otherwise). As long as Derek didn't totally hate him, he was okay.

Without another word, the wolves followed Derek and Scott into the woods to hunt this guy down.

Somehow by the magic of Stile's research skills and limited knowledge about the attacks, Stiles was able to track down the name of the alpha. He was the alpha of a modest pack residing in a town a few counties north of Beacon Hills. The pack mainly consisted of family and close friends, who Stiles found recent death certificates for. Meaning hunters likely track them down, and well. . . you know. Somewhere along the way, the alpha lost his mind, going feral.

Stiles moped in the jeep, feeling useless to the pack. He hated feeling like a damsel that needed to be protected. Derek was right, even if he didn't want to admit it. Everyone always ends up sticking by him to keep him safe when shit hits the fan, always underfoot when pressures are high. He knows it is unnecessary guilt, that he can't help being human, and the others have never really complained. At least not to his face about it.

He still feels like he could be doing more. There are benefits to him being human, pushing mountain ash, and taking care of wolvesbane obstacles the wolves can't. He just had this pit in his stomach that left him wanting to feel a part of something. He's kept around for his useful research and the benefit of his humanity, and Scott. Nothing else, and he knows it. But it’s nice to play pretend every once in a while.

His train of thought was derailed by a nasty howl echoing over the treetops. Stiles, before even thinking about it, stepped out of the jeep onto the pavement. His heart began to pound and he said a silent prayer that nobody was hurt. Although, even in his human ears, that howl didn't sound like any of the pack. They must have caught up to the alpha.

Stiles took a moment to realize that the sun had set completely, meaning he's been sitting here for at least an hour. A second howl sounded, and his head turned towards it. It sounded closer. Way closer.

The alpha was moving, and fast. Probably running away from the pack. Stiles stomach twisted at the fruition that it was coming his way. He climbed back into the jeep and thought about starting it up and moving out of the way of danger.

He struggled to fish his keys out of his pocket, panting in sudden adrenalin.

As the keys set in the transmission and turned, the jeep sputtered to life and a groan reached his ears. That didn't sound like the metallic grind and grown the old girl made when she started up, it sounded animalistic.

Terrified, stiles turned his head. He was frozen, when just outside the driver-side door was a beast that could put Peter’s alpha form to shame. Snarling and drooling at the sight of him.

Its sight is based on movement, no sudden movements.

No wait that's Jurassic Park, shit!

Before Stiles could even think, even hope for a rescue, the door was ripped away, tugging the whole jeep a few inches with it.

Claws and fangs dug into his flesh, pulling him in from the vehicle and onto the hard pavement below. The iron-tight jaw around his leg pulled back and was suddenly ripping into his abdomen.

Stiles let out a blood-curling scream, pushing away at the rabid wolf. He heard a distant howl and prayed they didn't find him in pieces.

His life flashed before his eyes; the face of his mother, father, Scott, Derek, Lydia. He cried out fearing what would happen to them when he was in the alpha's stomach.

Like hell, he was gonna be an easy meal. The bit down on the pain and scratched and punched with all this strength.

The alpha was fed up and lifted Stiles from the ground, shaking him dizzy and tossing him aside. Stiles rolled on the pavement. Landing on his stomach, his head turned to the jeep. He saw the beast standing in a pool of blood, a trail leading the the blood that began to pool under him. His vision began to cloud, and his senses were fading. He heard the alpha sniff and growl, then heavy footsteps coming closer. He couldn't move.

His eyes grew heavy and everything went dark and numb.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

When Stiles woke up he was in his bed. His mind was foggy from sleep. The only thing he knew was he had to pee. He stumbled out of bed, shuffling to the door and into the hall.

He had only half a mind to notice the voices of this father and Scott downstairs. Groggy and still so unaware of the events last night.

After relieving himself, he turned to wash his hands. He felt his heart jump at the sight of blood under his nails, looking at himself in the mirror it all came flooding bad to him.

The monster alpha, the teeth, the claws.

He lifted his shirt looking down to where his life was bleeding out of him at one point. His eyes found his own again and they glowed a bright gold. He panted and collapsed against the wall.

No, no no no, this can't be happening. He didn't want this.

"Stiles," He heard Scott's voice. He zeroed in on the sounds and smells in the house. The fan in his dad's room buzzing softly, the coffee on the kitchen table where he was sure his father and Scott had just been, the heartbeats standing at the bottom of the stairs, the soft creak in the third step as someone began coming up.

The next thing that assaulted his senses was the revolting smell of Scott.

"Stay away!" Stiles panicked as he felt claws pushing out at his fingertips, and fangs drop into place in his mouth. He felt a wave of uncertainty, displeasure, and fear. The footsteps on the stairs stopped and he sighed looking around in panic.

He felt the instinct to run, run where he didn't know. The animalistic instinct in him told him to run just as it told him to breathe. Something in Scott's scent made him feel unsettled and afraid.

"Stiles, we've been through this before, remember? You taught me to control it." He hears Scott sigh and even his soft nervous gulp. "Find your anchor, tie yourself to it."

Stiles nodded, knowing Scott or his father couldn't see it. He focused on his father, his scent, and his heartbeat. He smelled his aftershave and cologne, the coffee on his breath, the gunpowder and detergent on his hands. He listened to his erratic heart and how it beat quickly with worry and fear.

"Stiles," Scott tested softly, bearly a whisper that Stiles could hear as clear as day. "You need to calm down."

"Not helping!" Stiles snapped, voice slurred through the fangs he wasn't used to having. Something in him pushed a defensive growl from his throat. Realizing what he was doing only a second later he let out an apologetic whimper.

Stiles wondered why it was his body, his wolf, that hated Scott's scent so much, and why it made him feel so sick. Why Scott's comforting voice in his ears made him feel so volatile and angry. He needed to get away from it, it made him feel scared.

He remembered something Derek had said to the others about the instinct of a wolf always being in your best interest. Even if it is something you can't follow through with, acknowledge the instinct and consider it.

If his wolf needed to get away then he will. He stood quickly and dashed to his room, following the wolf's lead. He trusted it entirely.

"Stiles?" Scott cried coming up the stairs.

"Son?" The panic and confusion in his father's voice made him whime, but he couldn't control himself right now. His father's safety was always his top priority.

He let the wolf take him through the window, and jumped down into the side yard, b-linding the woods behind his house. He didn't know where he was going, but just needed to get away from Scott.

Fully shifted, he ran faster than he ever had before. Heart thumping and pounding in his ears. He smelled the woods, the dirt under his bare feet, the pine and oak, the musk of the animals that lingered, and the petricore like never before. He felt the wind on his face and smiled. If this is what he was missing out on this whole time maybe he should've asked for the bite sooner.

His feet slowed on their own, and he realized where he was. A few blocks from Derek's loft! He'd run that far that fast?

He picked his pace back up and ran like hell. If this is where his wolf wanted to be, this is where he would be.

Skipping a step at a time he made his way up, too much energy to sit around waiting for the elevator.

"What do you mean he's gone?" He hears Derek growl. There was a power in the growl that made his wolf purr. "You were supposed to talk to him, coach him through the shift!"

"Derek!" He called.

"He's here." He said, tone as though he didn't believe it. "No, stay there, if he's agitated, I'll deal with it. No one needs to get hurt.

Stiles flung open the door watching Derek strolling down the stairs and putting his phone away in his pocket. Derek slowly and cautiously approached, eyes concerned.

"I hated it." Stiles panted lightly. He felt a need for Derek to understand what was happening, to guide him on what to do.

"Hated what?"

"Scott," Stiles sighed stepping fully into the loft. "His scent, his voice telling me to calm down. It made me afraid and angry. The wolf just wanted to run away, and I tried to fight it and get control like Scott was telling me but it just made it worse. God, I wanted to rip his throat out with my teeth! Huh, I sound like you now. And I- I remembered you telling Erica and the guys about the wolf's instincts and how you should always trust it, so I jumped out of my window. Oh, god, wow, I jumped out a window! I didn't even think, I-nothing broke. Or maybe it healed? I don't know, but I started running, and I ended up here. Derek," He took a breath, eyes glossy. "What do I do?"

Derek just stared at him for a long moment.

"Derek?" Stiles's voice was soft now, his breathing slowing to normal.

Derek's heartbeat was fast, his eyes searched Stiles for a moment before he looked away with a thoughtful expression for a moment.

"I-" He huffed. "I thought Scott would be your alpha."

"He isn't?"

"Not if you wanted to rip his throat out when he asked you to calm down."

"Huh." Stiles nodded. "That makes sense."

Derek chuckled dryly.

"Wow," Stiles sighed taking a deep breath. "You smell good. You always smell this good? Is it the new nose?"

Derek sighed, face falling. Like Stiles had disappointed him somehow. His wolf whined in the back of his mind.

'Please the alpha.'

He gulped and frowned a little.

"Did I do something wrong? You can't get mad at me dude, I'm new to this."

"No, you just-" He cut himself off.

"Come on Derek, I'm kind of relying on you completely here." Stiles stepped closer and Derek stepped back. Stiles's eyes began to water and he didn't know why. He felt alone and pitiful all of a sudden.

Derek watched his reaction curiously.

"What are you feeling?" He asked hesitantly like he didn't really want to know the answer. "Your instincts, what do you want? What is your wolf telling you you need?" He clarified.

"I-" Stiles stubbled back and frowned, a tear running down his cheek. His wolf's howls in the back of his mind made him each with the feeling he just lost something. "To be close to you. But I feel cold, lonely, all of a sudden."

Derek blinked a couple times and tilted his head down, just slightly.

"I feel alone, I feel-" Stiles stopped, not knowing the words that could describe it.

"Stiles," He spoke gently like his voice could crack Stiles into a million pieces if he spoke loud enough. "Don't think about the works, just the feeling. The words will come to you, trust the wolf."

Stiles curled in on himself for a bit before letting his eyes fall to the floor. He stood still, focusing on the cold feeling in his chest. The wolf whined and whimpered like a dying animal in the face of a predator.

'Rejected. Omega.'

"Rejected and omega come to mind." His voice barely broke from his throat.

Derek's breath hitched in his throat, looking at Stiles with an indescribable intensity.

"Please the alpha."

"Stiles," Derek's voice was hoarse as he was willing it to say something it didn't want to. "You-" He stopped himself again.

"Derek, what do I do?" Stiles didn't understand why he started crying, he felt too senseless despite all the new strength in his body.

"I," Derek paused. "I don't want you to think this is anything more than an alpha and beta relationship. I think it's maybe best if you called Sc-"

"What?" Stiles looked up at him. He felt anger and confusion seep into him. "You want to reject me as your beta be-because I like you?"

Derek shuddered for a moment. "I didn't say that, I-"

"Said we're only alpha and beta, yeah I got that," Stiles growled. "I figured you never said anything 'cause you didn't want things to be awkward between us, I get it- I'm not the most appealing candidate, but this is so much fucking worse, Derek. This is fucking petty."

"Stiles." Derek warned.

"I don't know what I'm doing!"Stiles cried. "I'm scared, I need you to guide me-help me! I know you don't care the way I care, I'm fine with that," He ignored the blip in his heart. "I can be just your friend, I have been and it was fine, but I need you-"

"Stiles," Derek's eyes widened as he looked him over, drinking in the confession. "What is it you want from me?"

"Help!" Stiles snapped like it was obvious because he thought it was. "I-"

"No," Derek shook his head, daring a few steps forward. "Not what I meant. Forget the wolves, just you and me. What do you want with me?"

Stiles gulped, nervous and scared of more rejection.

"You." He shrugged, he was tired all of a sudden.

"Stiles," Derek pleased, a look in his eye that made him swoon. "Please, don't beat around the bush."

"I want-" He hesitated, afraid. "I want to be with you."

Derek, stepped closer, a look in his eye that made Stiles twitchy.

"I want to, sit and talk about stupid shit that doesn't matter. I want to argue over Batman versus Superman. I want to argue over what movie to watch. I want you to meet my dad- like actually. Not just talking to him about how to deal with the monster of the week. I want you to hold me as we fall asleep. I want you-"

Derek was kissing him.

His hands cupped his cheeks and drew him closer, breathing him in. Stiles melted into it, calming all his nerves in a single second.

His wolf purred as it took in the scent and feel of his alpha's body against his.

Stiles pawed and his chest and followed his lips and he pulled away.

Derek chuckled, low and happy watching him. Stiles opened his eyes and looked up into Dereks.

"Wh-"

"I thought it was just sexual." Derek frowns for a moment. "If I had known you wanted more I-" He sighed. "Still probably wouldn't have done anything."

"Why not?" Stiles grumbled in slight offense. Although part of him, knowing how Derek had been used in the past, made him feel guilty for it having seemed that way. Even though he thought everything was blatantly obvious and that was never his intention.

" You're seventeen, and your fathers the sheriff." He blinked plainly.

"Oh," Stiles chuckled awkwardly. "Right."

"I'm sorry," Derek wavered.

"So you'll be my alpha?"

"Yeah."

"And. . maybe my mate."

Derek gave him a pointed stare.

"What?" Stiles frowned. "Isn't that just wolfie talk for dating?"

"No," Derek laughed, honest to god laughed. Stile thought he would faint. "No, It's more like marriage- with a lot of sex."

"Well, in that case," Stiles smirked, earning an eye-roll. "All that's can wait a year."

Derek laughed again.

"Yeah, sure." He nodded. "We'll see how it goes."

Stiles broke into a wide grin, jumped up flinging his arms around Derek and breathing in his scent. Stiles took note of the woodsy smell, the lavender, dirt, leather, and rich cologne pressed into his flesh. He decided it was his new favorite, and the wolf agreed.

"You're never getting rid of me now!"

"Wouldn't dream of it." Derek held tighter.

Stiles smelled something sour all of a sudden, "What's wrong?"

"You're quick to pick up on things, aren't you." Derek hummed on his shoulder.

"What's wrong?" Stiles asked more firmly as the scent became stronger.

"When I heard you scream, I thought- I found you," Derek paused to take a breath. Move his hand to his shoulder to feel his heart beating. "I thought we were too late."

"You could hear my heart beating though, right?"

"Didn't mean you'd make it through the night. You bled so much." Derek sniffled. "I thought it would be safer for you to stay behind and wait for us, but-"

"You couldn't have known."

"Doesn't matter." He mumbled, "I thought I lost you.

"Der,"

"Safe to say you're sticking with me from now on."

Stiles chuckled at that. He held tighter and literally purred. Which made Derek shudder closer humming in contentment.

"You're a tough son of a bitch though. Even as a human, you made it easy for us to kill the bastard."

"What?" Stiles pulled back to look him in the eye.

"How much do you remember?" Stiles shrugged trying to think, It was all kind of a blur to him now. "You scratched the hell out of his face. Eyes, ears. The only thing that wasn't fucked up by the time we got there was his nose."

"He didn't heal?"

"Didn't have time before I ripped his throat out." Stiles laughed, the irony of it all made his wolf preen for the man who lost his shit to protect him. "You had his eyeball in your hand when we got to you. Scratched it out."

"Holy shit!"

"If you weren't actively dying at the time I would've had time to feel proud," Derek smirked, and Stiles felt weak in the knees.

Derek chuckled pressing closer.

"So no sex obviously no sex for a while- taking things slow and all," He mused. "But, like, how about another smooch?"

Derek grins leaning in to oblige.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

"You and Derek what?" Scott cried, eyes wide as if he honestly;y had no fucking clue.

"Finally." The rest of the room groaned in unison.

"I was gonna hit you if you didn't make a move soon." Lydia rolled her eyes at him.

Stiles just smiled, looking over at Derek who smiled back with a wink. ≫ ────── ≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫ ────── ≪

•Kermitts Masterlist•

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

No longer yours to keep

summary: what happens when you and Xaden bond with mated dragons but you're already dating Garrick?

warning: pretty suggestive, some iron flame spoilers.

Kind of part II

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For as long as you could remember it had been you three against the world. Your families had been extremely close so it was inevitable for your three to end up being best friends. And it was like that until you all started to grow up. And once the teenage years kicked in so did the desire to explore and learn new things.

You mingled in this relationship with no boundaries, no labels for a bit. Until Xaden had to uphold his duties. Had to agree to be engaged to a girl just for the sake of power. That of course meant that you and Garrick had been slightly pushed to the side. Xaden was barely free to spend time with you, barely there for your usual nights out. Meaning that you and Garrick fell into this easy rhythm. This bonding over losing a friend you two loved dearly. And without any big gestures. Without any grand signs had fallen in love.

Garrick had always been made of sharp edges, similar to Xaden. Just Xaden used that as a form of self-defense when he needed to be out in the public and Garric... He had always been on the rougher side. Had always been harder to read. To predict. But he was an amazing lover. There wasn't a moment where you felt unseen or unheard. Yes, he had his moments but once he stewed over them, he would always come to apologize. To make it right. And he was so protective. Boy, was he protective. It was both a charming thing because it empowered you even more but... it was frightening too because Garrick's heart was in your hands, he had let you in deeper than anyone else. And you had planned to keep it forever. Had planned but...

But then threshing came. You three were at the top of your squad. Ready to grasp the best spots in the section. Garrick and Xaden were already waiting when you emerged. They had remained close friends throughout the years. Lost had changed and in all honesty it was you who bitched to Xaden the most. "We can do the next shipment after we bond with dragons", Xaden said quietly. There was a revelation brewing. And surprise, surprise Xaden was at the top of it. "I'll get the boys to take the boxes tonight", Garrick said, as his arm sneaked around your waist, "Hey", he muttered pressing his lips to your temple. "Everything's okay?", you asked, earning a nod from them both. "Excited to bond?", you looked across the field as the wind picked up.

"I have my eyes set on a dragon I want", Xaden said firmly. "Of course you do", you rolled your eyes, suddenly feeling the urge to cling to Garrick as if this might as well be the last time you two were gonna see one another. "You're okay?", Garrick wrapped an arm over your shoulders, you hesitated for a moment but... they were your childhood friends after all.

"I just have this weird feeling", you breathed out, "Like something is about to change". Xaden snicked from beside you and Garrick threw him a glare. "We will be bonding with dragons today, princess", Xaden mused. "Might be. Don't be too full of yourself", you bit back, Garrick instantly brought you closer to him, hands on your hips, "Don't bite his throat out, baby". Xaden pushed away from the wall, "I'll see you two there".

You huffed out a breath. You didn't want to be a bitch but that man was grinding your gears at times. He was also putting himself in so much danger and for what? A fucking title? "Tell me about what's worrying you", Garrick cupped your face. Your eyes met his. God, you loved this man. "I just have a bad feeling", you muttered, "I don't think that anyone is dying today but... I think that things are going to be different. Really different". Garrick tilted his head to the side as he watched you. "All I care about is that you come back to me", he muttered, "with or without a dragon, I just want you back by my side". His words clenched at your heart because somehow deep down you had an inkling that that was exactly what wasn't gonna happen.

You had crossed paths with burnt flesh multiple times. Guess this year's threshing theme was roasted cadets for dinner. You were so tired. Sure, this had to end soon and you would have to admit your defeat. And just... A puff of hot air hit your back making you still. You could feel its presence behind you. You took a deep breath in before turning around. And here it stood. The biggest black dragon you had ever seen. "Holly fuck", you breathed beneath your breath.

Your head was buzzing. Every fiber of your skin was on fire. You could believe that you had bonded with a dragon. A black one at that. Black dragons rarely bonded. Lower your ego he snarled in your mind. You slide down his leg ready to give your dragon's name so you can be officially linked when an overwhelming sense of emotions hits your chest. You faltered slightly. Gripping the edge of the table a huge scroll will names was placed on it.

You hand fell on your chest as the edges of your vision blurred. You let out a pained breath as your eyes snapped up and here he stood. On the other side of the field. A blue dragon by his side. Eyes burning holes into you. Hands in fists. What the fuck... you felt an arm wrapping around your waist. Oddly enough wanting to pull away because it just didn't feel right only to find Garrick inches from you, cupping your face. And then everything went black.

Your eyes snapped open with a jolt. The moon was casting faint light over the room. Garrick was passed out beside you. His hand wrapped around your middle. You brushed your fingers through his messy hair when a wave of need rushed through you. Need that wasn't however in any way related to the man that was next to you. Come to me. The voice rang in your head making you jolt. And even if you didn't want to. And even if you tried to fight it. Tried to fall back asleep. Tried cuddling into your boyfriend. Not even fifteen minutes later you were padding through the quiet corridors.

You didn't even have a clue as to where you were going and yet here you were, standing right next to the person that had taken over your mind. "Why the fuck do I feel you in every fiber of my body, Riorson", you said through gritted teeth. Your body grew warm just from the sight of him. "Our dragons are mated", he said bluntly, puffing out a cloud of mirth-root. You instantly crossed the distance between you too, snatching the blunt and taking a hit yourself. The overwhelming feeling eased slightly, but your body still yarned for him.

"We need to sort this out, get this fixed", you muttered, brushing your fingers through your hair in frustration. "How do you plan on doing that? They have been mates for centuries. Fuck, we hadn't even been born back then", Xaden huffed out. "I'm with Garrick, I won't leave him, I...", you muttered in panic, but Xaden's hand that sneaked up your throat made your voice die down.

"They are fucking", Xaden said through gritted teeth, eyes hazy as he looked at you. You could feel it too. Gods, even the smell of him. "We can't... I can't do this to him", you pushed back, trying to keep distance between you two. "Do you think it's not eating me alive?", Xaden growled, cursing under his breath, "I watched Garrick falling head over heels for you. You're it for him, and now...", Xaden turned around, bracing a hand on the wall as he breathed. Please hold your pleasure to yourself you snarled at your dragon. But it's like your words didn't even reach him.

You took in a shaky breath, right as your eyes met Xaden, and within the blink of an eye you were pressed against the stone wall, legs wrapped around Xaden's hips. His teeth buried in your neck as you dug your nails into the back of his neck. It felt as if your body was on fire. As if only with him near you could finally breathe. "We can go back to having an open relationship", Xaden breathed against your ear. You shook your head, "Garrick will never share, we're in too deep", you muttered. Xaden let out a growl, "If he'll want to keep you, he will share, baby". His hands moved up your shirt, Garrick's shirt, and that was a reminder enough for you to push against Xaden's chest. You wiggled till he finally lost his grip on you. "If you'll challenge him for a claim of me, I swear to everything I believe in, I will suffocate you in your sleep", you pointed a warning finger at him. Xaden only chuckled, "You'll be crawling to me", he breathed out. Dark eyes watching you. "Fuck you, Riorson", you huffed, "You'll do that to baby", he mussed right as you turned around. Practically running back to your room. Heart beating in your chest so loudly that for a while it was all you could breathe.

[lycheeloving]

I'm currently re-watching the first season of the Witcher... I forgot how much I love Geralt. So I had to write yandere headcanons for him ofc:

He still has to hunt monsters, but he tries to keep it to a minimum, as to not endanger you

When he does have to do something dangerous, he leaves you at the safest place that's nearby-ish. He doesn't tie you down, so you can still run away if you're in danger. At the beginning, this means he always has to chase you down after he gets back, but he couldn't live with himself if you got hurt because you couldn't get away from some monster.

That being said, you quickly realize that Geralt does, in fact, leave you in the safest place possible, whether that's an inn in a town or somewhere in a forest. Running away usually only gets you into trouble that Geralt has to save you from, so at some point you stop running. He always finds you in no time anyways, because of his enhanced senses. You might as well stay where you are, that's less exhausting.

He doesn't punish you for running away. He thinks it's annoying and might grumble and complain a bit while carrying you back, but that's all. He knows that this isn't an ideal situation for you and how could you ever love him, but he just can't live without you.

He does teach you some basic self-defense stuff, and how to act around certain monsters, so you're not totally unprepared if something were to happen. Usually the only thing you should do is run, though. (He teaches you for which monsters you should stand still, so you don't make a horrible mistake)

You'll sleep outside most of the time.

Downside: he insists on cuddling while you sleep. His arms are around you like a vice and you can't go anywhere. Plus the floor is uncomfortable (even if he has started to carry more comfortable sleeping bags etc with him bc you kept complaining) and cold. Really cold.

Upside: At least Geralt runs hot, so he keeps you warm?

Being outside all the time also means you usually have to bathe in various rivers and lakes... Geralt always stands guard with his sword in his hand. Just in case. He has to look at you, to keep you save! Not because he likes seeing you naked or anything...

If you're ever in a town, don't expect the people there to help you. Nobody wants to enrage a Witcher, especially not the butcher of Blaviken...

Geralt will let you talk to others if you want, as long as you (or they) aren't flirting. He gets jealous easily. So if you don't want them to "mysteriously" disappear, try to be careful about how you talk to others. And who you talk to.

Doesn't care if other people call him names because he's used to it, but if anyone makes a comment about you because you're with him? They're dead.

Lets you ride Roach. of course.

I feel like he would still be friends with Jaskier. Jask would just think you're being silly if you talk about how Geralt kidnapped you and won't let you leave or whatever. "Haha, yeah, I get it, I keep coming back to him as well, his life is just so fascinating! So, what did you think about my new song?". Useless in helping you escape, but at least he's fun to be around. Might try to hit on you once, but immediately realizes that he should never do that again if he wants to live keep being friends with Geralt.

I feel like Yennefer would flirt with you and make demeaning comments like "Can I borrow your little toy?" about you, to piss Geralt off. You don't like when she's there because she always makes him feel like he needs to prove that you're his.

Will probably leave a bite mark on your neck, to mark you as his. So everyone knows not to touch you, even if he's not around.

Yes, he'll take you to Kaer Morhen. The others make fun of him for "acting like a lovesick puppy". He doesn't care, as long as they're not making fun of you. If someone does make fun of you, Geralt will seriously hurt them, unless you convince him not to. In which case he'll have to hear even more comments about how he's totally whipped. But at least it makes the other Witchers like you more, if Geralt hurts them for you that just pisses them off, and in that case nobody has a good time.

[someprettyname]

@tigreblvnc i match you with...

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HIORI YO!! 

OKAY BUT HEAR ME OUT!! I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS RN!! My first ever thought was "Okay so he got somewhat of a sharp tongue, we need people can keep up with that and won't get annoyed/defensive/offended/irked by it, since many people can't keep up with that and often get hurt."

My immediate choices were Chigiri, REO, Karasu, Bachira and Shidou. Because oh can they keep up with your wits, but then again.... SOMETHING is missing. The immediate vibes I got from you was "Yep. A get-goer right there. He knows how to keep people on their toes!!" But as I kept reading i also saw glimpses of warmer undertones to your personality ygwim? Then my choice was Kurona. And for a considerable amount of time i was like "Yep yep. Kurona and Yuno would go so well together." Because he'll be able to keep up with you and your wits (hc that our Rona boy can be sharp when he has to), your pranks and jokes would amuse him a lot. He's like a quieter version of you. He'd be the kind of lover to just sit silently and watch you with heart eyes as you go around performing your shenanigans BAHAHA but then again SOMETHING. SOMETHING was missing. And then Hiori's name flashed through my mind AND EVERYTHING FELL IN PLACE. 

OH YOU'D BE SUCH ADORABLE LITTLE GREMLINS TOGETHER AHAHAHA SMMMMM FUN XD 

Your typical INFJ-ENTP pair, my lord 💁🏻‍♀️✨

It'd be BEAUTIFUL. To see you both interact  with each other would be BEAUTIFUL. 

Lmaoooo I can already imagine you throwing jokes or absurd questions (with a smug smirk) at him and he'd look at you, smile and give a perfectly sharp and sarcastic reply with that sweet sweet smile and everyone (you included) would be like "oh daaamn :000" 

Also, did you see how he was so (subtly) happy when Karasu pranked him in the light novel? Oh you'd bring him so much joy. So much light. He'd be SO intrigued, SO FASCINATED by you. You'd be one of the first person ever to make him feel that warm feeling of what a friendship feels like and he can never thank you enough for it. 

For him, it's so easy to be with you. It's so easy to be friends. It's so easy to smile, to laugh. When he's with you he doesn't have to think about soccer, your presence is enough to strip those thoughts away and keep him on his tippy toes (hehe). He won't be thinking about his shitty parents because he's too busy thinking of a witty comeback, or maybe an answer to your riddle. Who knows? 

You're his escapism in the best ways possible. He's just DRAWN to you. 

With time you'd see that he's the more quite, understanding, observant and sweeter version of you. 

He's one of those people who you find really trustworthy REALLY easily. You just KNOW that he won't snitch on you. He doesn't have too many friends and the ones he does have, he values them a lot. He's a loyal guy afterall. 

Maybe you're annoyed one day and your words are extra sarcastic and have too much bite to them, it might or might not have hurt him but he'd just simply understand. He wouldn't get defensive or throw bite-ful words, he'd just make you hot chocolate or bring you ice cream, whatever suits the mood and then you can both go for a night walk where you can talk and vent all about why it was a bad day. 

See, with time you'd realise how compassionate and understanding he is, so whenever you are talking about a bad day or something that ticked you off, you just know he understands and empathises even if he doesn't say much and just listens. 

He's just a very magical human you know? Hiori I mean, I see him easily getting along with anyone and everyone, and with you he'd bring out the calmer side in you. 

His hold, his hug, his touch. It'd have a hypnotic effect on you and your anger. (believe me. My best friend is INFJ too. These creatures are just magical. What can I say.) 

Maybe you don't like talking about your feelings too much, and with him, you won't even have to. He is observant enough, he picks on things really quick. 

I'm thinking more of a friends to lovers trope here :3 

Oh and ahaha THIS ONE HC WHERE YOU'D BOTH BE SITTING TOGETHER AFTER A LONG TIRING DAY, JUST WATCHING THE SUNSET, he sees the bird, the orange-golden sky and comes up with a wierd metaphor and blurts it out without a second thought and you'd be like "*Blink* did he really just say that?" 

But you'd play along in a beat and then he adds on it (with the seasoning of some extra exaggeration) and you do too, and soon enough you'd both be in fits of laughter. 

"I like the sun, spring and summer" yeah. He'd be the warmth of summer for you. You know that pleasant feeling of standing on neither too hot nor too cold ground, the sun is shining above you but not too sharp or bright and the light breeze is hitting your face in summers? You know that pleasant feeling? Yeah. That's what his presence would be like to you. 

"To meet new, smart and interesting people who know things I don’t and can teach me." Gaming. He'll show you the vast world of gaming and thanks to him, you'll realise just how beautiful and deep all of that is. And fascinating of course. xD 

Yunori persona 5 dates canon?! 

You're like the real life manifestation of his intrusive thoughts you know? The first time you do exact opposite of what you were told to do he'd stare at you in mild fascination and ask "Why'd you do that? :0" and you'd just shrug like "Because I wanted to :3" "You could've ended up with a broken bone D:" "I didn't. Plus it was fun. 🤷🏻‍♀️" and then a silent staaaaaaaaare •_•

And next moment you're both bursting into fits of laughter lmaoooooo xDDD SM FUNNN AHAHHAHA 

And from that time onwards he'd try and be a part of your shenanigans, because it's like a breathe of fresh air to him yk? He could never rebel against his parents so everytime you both do a prank or narrowly escape a dangerous situation and are just standing there, flodded with adrenaline, out of breathe and panting he'd silently think "Would you look at it, mom and dad? You didn't want me to have friends. You didn't want me to be happy. But would you look at how much fun I'm having right now?" He projects it onto them like that. To him it's such a freeing feeling. It feels like he's breaking free from his shackles, like he's rebelling. It just triggers his sadistic side and all those intrusive thoughts. It feels like he's fighting those demons. He loves it. And he's so thankful that he has you. 

PARTNERS IN CRIME. PARTNERS IN CRIME. PARTNERS IN CRIME. 

He'd LOOOOOVE to be partners in crime with you. 

Oh and you're both saggitarius can you imagine the chaos, fun and adventure? Hehehehe ᕙ⁠(͡⁠°⁠‿⁠ ͡⁠°⁠)⁠ᕗ

OMG AHAHA you'd be out there finishing each other's sentences and everytime he finishes your sentence or you finish his you'd both fawn a little on the inside like "OMG HE GETS ME SO WELL!!!!" 

SOBBING. DO YOU REALISE HOW CUTE THAT IS? 

He brings out patience, calmness and understanding in you, while you bring out his gremlin side BAHAHA both your personalities compliment each other SO WELL. The more you get to know each other the more everything comes together like pieces of puzzles xD 

You'd both understand each other without even saying. 

You both are good at seeing bigger picture, and you both adore that about yourself, and that in itself is comforting you know? This was the point where I striked off shidou because he's more focused on present and now, and while it's fun it can also get frustrating when you're trying to talk to him about the bigger and he just.... doesn't care. That'd never happen with Hiori though. You'd come talk to him about it, and he'd immediately relate like "OH! You saw that coming too? How did others not? It's so concerning, how can they not see where it's headed? :(" 

Oh and have you seen just how amazing a fired up Hiori is? All his friends - Karasu, isagi, nanase and others - they'd all see your friendship transforming him from detached and poker face hiori to passionate hiori and be like "Have they kissed already?! 🙄💅🏻"

Okay so with hiori it's "His preferred type is a person who can leave each other alone." And with you it's "I’m independent and don’t like clingy people." BAHAHA 😂😂😂😂😂😂 YOU SEE? YOU SEE WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, MATE? 

Oooooh I'm quite a matchmaker myself ain't i? 🌝💅🏻✨

He games a lot you know. He games and games and games because he finds this weird sense of comfort and escapism in it. It's just in his system to find comfort in it because he had done that for years now - full day of football and coming back home to his video games where he can finally escape thinking about his messed up family and then dumping their dreams on him. 

But you. You'd be the one to make him come out of his shell and help him see beauty in different things and surprisingly enough (i say surprising because he didn't even accompany the other blue lockers on their day out, so while his gaming hobby started because he had no other options to pass time, it has become his obsession(?) At this point. His escapism. And he'd easily chose that over a lot of things) he'd gladly follow your lead. 

You'd all be hanging out and the blue lockers will be like "ah. Hiori didn't show up....again." and then they'd all collectively look at you 😂😂 and yeah. While it takes a little convincing (that basically being 3 text long conversation "I don't wanna come. I wanna game." "But you should try it out!! It'd be really fun!!" "Okay.") He'd show up eventually. And everyone would be equally flabbergasted each time because BRUH?! THEY TRIED CONVINCING HIM SO HARD HE DIDN'T LISTEN TO THEM?! 

but to Hiori if you say something is fun, then it IS fun. Ahaha. 

Simple logic, no hassle 💆🏻‍♀️✨

Also, your love language for recieving is words of affirmation and well, Hiori is a man of few words (which by the way are almost always very pleasing words yk? Not sugarcoating kinda pleasing, but he isn't mean. He's soft spoken. Maybe you'd also find appeal in that?) So when he appreciates or affirms you, it'd just HIT DIFFERENT because you KNOW he means it!! <3333 

Lots of spending time together yess 😌↕️ he'd listen to you yap about anything and everything, he'd also add on beautiful insights here and there. What a sight to behold 🤧

Hiori is pretty sharp, smart and insightful so I have a feeling he'd earn your respect pretty quick!! 

"Dislikes : Too loud noises" yeah. Same. Hiori doesn't like it either. 

Please give this boy a hug. He deserves so much love. 

Please take good care of our pretty gremlin <3

Also, please annoy TF out of Barou together. Thank you. <3 

Some other dynamics i found fascinating, so just take these as characters you might have a good friendship with ^_^ : 

Kunigami : Okay this might not be the most expected but I don't know why, his name just kept popping up in my head you know? He'd definitely have a soft spot for you (be it pre or post wc) he'd be rolling his eyes (affectionately) every time you joke around or piss someone off lmfaooo. Pre WC he'd just rub his neck and grin sheepishly when he can't answer one of your tricky question/you embarass him (nah. You can't piss him off with fun stuff. It'd all turn into embarrassment lol. You see my vision?), post wc he'd just "hmph" you and turn away 😂 but if you observe closely you might see his lips twitch up in the slightest smile because he knooooows you don't mean any harm (⁠ノ⁠^⁠_⁠^⁠)⁠ノ 

I also have this feeling that you'd taunt and piss off anyone who hurts people you care about as a way to protect them (i might be wrong but just a hunch you know?) And he'd be melting on the inside when you do that with him. 

REO : do i even need to explain? 😂 It'd always be a race of who can be more sassy, who can have better comebacks and all that in the best light-hearted way. I just KNOW Reo would compliment your dressing sense, it's just...very cool to him yk? It makes you so approachable. It's a like a breathe of fresh air. 😙

Chigiri : He was one of my top choice alongside Kurona until Hiori came into play actually. He'd be your bitch buddy HANDS. DOWN. (I mean the buddy you bitch to. Hehe 🤪) He's also very neat, well groomed and witty, matches all your criterias so you'd get along very well yep yep 😌↕️ 

the sassy friend pair 🔛🔝

Slay. 😌💅🏻✨

Kurona : YOU JUST MAKE HIM SMILE OKAY? He's probably an introvert you adapted ahaha xD he's basically like quieter, slightly more serious version of you. He's actually very practical and logical too though, so you might like and respect him for that. I can bet you'll develop a soft spot for him really quick hehehe our adorable little shark!! 🦈

Whatever shenanigans you do, he'd be watching and enjoying it from the sidelines - ALWAYS. (Maybe even give you better ideas sometimes yk 🤪) 

Karasu : I mean many people have paired you with him already so I don't think i need to elaborate any further do i? You might have a good (romantic) relationship yes, but oh both your friendship together would be a hit FOR SURE. WITHOUT A DOUBT. TAKE MY MONEY. 

The reason I didn't pair you with him is because you're both toooo similar you know? Hiori just looked like a better option because I could see how he'd compliment your personality 😙

Bachira : Again, fun loving individual!! Weeee!!! He'd reply to your witty and sharp humor with absurd humor (remember the "what does rain taste like?" Moment? Yeah. Lmaooo. He also has a very unpredictable humor. You might enjoy that.), you're both gonna be so amusing to each other lol 😆😂 (see. Now I wanna see both your friendship in action 😔) HE ALSO HAVE A VERY RETRO KINDA AESTHETIC APPEAL TO HIM like ygwim? You get my vision? 

So yeahhhhh you'd both be like dancing (read : screaming your lungs) to retro songs at 6 in the morning, waking up everyone in the building. Shidou from downstairs who's basically walking around naked in his balcony would join you too, I can already imagine you both giggling when you hear his voice from downstairs 😂😂 

Bachira probably has a thing for laughing at the worst timings too so yeah 😔 you're both in that struggle together 😔 ft. Karasu calling you both stupid A, stupid B in the background. BAHAHA LMAOOO XDDD 

Also, he's blunt too isn't he? Unfiltered thoughts spill out of those lips TOO OFTEN. I mean, he told a guy HE'D JUST KNOWN FOR LIKE AN HOUR OR TWO THAT. THERE'S A DEMON. DEMON. INSIDE HIM. LMAO. So you're both similar in that aspect too lollll SO MUCH FUN. 

You know that awkward moment everytime Bachira walks in butt naked? Yeah. You'd be someone who'd instantly crack a joke about it and everyone in the room look at you like "😑. Weirdos. Both of them. 😒" While Bachira is like 😃😃😃😃

AHAHAHA LOLLLLLLLLL XDDDD

Conclusion : Anyways, that's that. Enough of YAPPING and giggling for today I suppose 😔 if I had to conclude Hiono/Yunori in one phrase I'd say ✨Match made in heaven.✨ 

You're both the just meant to be. Period. 

Thank you for coming to my ted talk 💆🏻‍♀️✨

[emepe]

— Pairing: Eren x Reader, friends to lovers

— General info: series, 18+, modern AU, serial killer AU, smut, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort

— Summary: Fate is a tricky thing. Certain situations can’t be avoided as much as certain people’s lives can’t be kept from intertwining. With a serial killer on the loose, and unexpected relationships blooming, how will the universe intervene?

— Chapter summary: The news of the recent murder takes a toll on everyone, leaving each to cope in their own anxious ways.

— Content warnings: mention of murder, mention of self defense weapons.

— Notes: Hello, everybody! Welcome to chapter 6 <3 Thank you so much to everybody who has shown support for this story, especially those who have joined the tag list. If anyone else would like to be added, lmk. Happy reading!

Links: Read on AO3 | Chapter guide | Masterlist

conversations on love and fear

The next morning at work, you're surprised to find Armin leaning back in your chair when you arrive at your desk.

“Shouldn't you be crunching numbers somewhere?” you tease, shrugging off your jacket.

“I'm here for our daily gossip session,” he pouts.

You laugh softly and gesture for him to follow you to the break room. He jumps from your chair and eagerly follows your lead.

“Since when do we have those?” you ask, taking out your mug from the cupboards to fix yourself a cup of tea to have while you go through your morning to-do list.

A sly grin is plastered on his face.

“Since you started dating Eren.”

Normally, you're good at hiding your emotions. A neutral expression and an unfazed manner are your go-to for any situation. A blunder at work, a rude client taking out their anger on you, misogyny, unwanted flirting — you handle everything with grace and composure. But normally, you're not as emotionally invested in someone as you've quickly come to be about Eren.

You're quick to hide your face, embarrassed by how easily shy a name can make you when just a few weeks ago you were still your stoic self.

You understand their friendship dynamics well enough to figure Armin wouldn't be kept out of the loop for long, but this is fast.

Armin chuckles airily. It's cute, this new side of you. 

“I didn't mean to keep it from you,” you murmur, your cheeks burning as you bob the tea bag up and down in your mug before sweetening your drink. “It just kind of happened.”

“No, I get it,” he grins. “I'm happy for you two.”

You bite back a smile but nod appreciatively.

“Eren really likes you.” 

“I know,” you murmur, heart fluttering at the memory of Eren's honesty. You bring the mug to your lips, blowing into it before taking your first sip.

“And you seem to really like him, too. I've never seen you like this.”

The tea gets caught in your throat, eliciting a brief fit of coughs. 

Armin can't help but laugh once you're out of immediate danger.

“Oh, you really really like him, then. Way to go, Eren,” he teases.

Your face burns tenfold.

Worried that someone might overhear you, you usher Armin onto the smoker's balcony on your side of the floor. It's too early for anyone to be out there, so it's the perfect spot for you to be honest.

“I… I really do.”

Your entire body is burning up now. Much so that the warmth emanating from your mug overstimulates your senses and you've no choice but to set it down on the concrete railing. 

Gaze low, wandering eyes, fidgeting hands — Armin's surprised.

“You're serious about this,” he concludes.

Peering up at him through your lashes, you nod.

“I don't know what to do,” you murmur. “I didn't expect to like him so much and now every time I think of him I feel like I'm about to pass out.”

Your voice quivers but your eyes shimmer brightly as his face inevitably comes to mind. His warm hands, his gentle voice encouraging you to trust him, his boyish laugh, the blush on his cheeks whenever you praise him. You're always so confident when acknowledging his fondness of you, and you kept joking about having many admirers but now it gnaws at your brain to think about someone else looking to get his attention. It's all too much. 

“Goddamn, that must've been one hell of a first date,” he exhales.

Armin's choice of words pulls an amused giggle from you, easing the tension that squeezes at your heart. 

“It was.”

Your gaze wanders off as you lose yourself in thought.

Eren hasn't left your mind since he dropped you off at your apartment door yesterday evening. The carefully planned date, the honest conversation and the kisses you shared even found a way to sneak into last night's dreams, your subconscious further feeding into your swooning frenzy and leaving you to wake up unusually happy. 

But as life has taught you, having something good doesn't mean you get to keep it forever, and if you want Eren to stick around you have to be more open about the things that haunt you — for both of your sake. You want to keep talking to him, to know him, to see more of his face, and to witness every side there is to him. You haven't outright said it because though you might appear to be, you're not as brave as he is. 

So hearing him say he wants to know you just as much leaves you thinking his wish might be twice as strong as yours, for him to express it so many times in so many ways. 

“You okay?” Armin's voice pulls you back.

Your lips part for you to spill what's heavy on your mind, but you fumble to find the right words without feeling more shy.

“Hey, Eren's my best friend but if you need to talk shit about him, I can listen. You're my friend, too.”

You giggle. He smiles.

“Though, I guess now I've lost you both to each other,” he theatrically sniffles as he pinches the bridge of his nose and shakes his head. “I really didn't think this through when I introduced you to each other. What am I gonna do with no friends?”

You laugh.

“Actually,” you softly call for his attention. “Is it okay if I ask you about some things? About Eren… and about myself?”

His head tilts in confusion at the last part, but he smiles and nods nonetheless. 

“Shoot.”

Nursing your mug between your hands, you carefully take another sip of your tea before speaking.

“First… um.”

You blink nervously as the uneasy warmth starts crawling up your neck again. 

“Do you know if Eren is talking to other people? Aside from me?”

The question feels stupid once it falls from your lips, but Armin gives off no indication that he views it the same way. 

With a firm shake of his head and furrowed brows, he clicks his tongue in disapproval. 

“Eren? No, definitely not. I love the guy but even if he wanted to, he can't flirt with multiple people at a time for the life of him.”

You nod, letting the information sink in.

“Don't get me wrong,” Armin continues. “He has a line of people wanting to get close to him. It's been that way forever.” 

Your heart sinks with dread. You figured as much. After all, Eren is an attractive guy and his personality makes for someone desirable in all aspects.

“But he's never been one to give in to any attention just because it's there, you know?”

You nod slowly, though you don't fully understand what that means.

“What I'm saying is, Eren's the kind of guy who doesn't care about that kind of thing. He only pursues someone he genuinely wants to know. And once that happens, he's all in. Other than that, he just keeps to himself.”

With more clarity on the situation, you nod with more certainty. But Armin's not done.

“He hadn't liked someone in years until you came around. That should tell you something,” he smiles.

You flush in embarrassment. 

“Oh, but don't feel pressured!” Armin exclaims. “I just meant you shouldn't have to worry about this sort of thing.”

He throws an arm around your shoulders, squeezing your frame affectionately. 

“Anything else on your mind?” he asks.

You hum as you go through the ideas in your head.

“It's not really a question,” you say. “And now that I think about it, it probably doesn't make sense to bring it up because I haven't been exactly open about it with you, either.”

You shrink into yourself, wincing at the memory of Armin's fallen demeanor the night he found out about your parents.

“That's fine,” he reassures you with a smile, petting your back in a comforting manner. “I know some things are hard to say sometimes. It's not really my place to call dibs on who you should trust.”

“But still,” you murmur. “We're friends, right?”

He nods.

“I just don't want you to be disappointed by my lack of honesty.”

He frowns.

“I wouldn't call it that,” he sternly replies. “You don't have to tell me more than you already have for me to understand you had a rough upbringing. And you're not being deceitful or purposely hiding things… but it doesn't come easy, that's all. Some things are better kept private, it's your call.”

Tears prick at your eyes as your body releases tension you weren't even aware of. For the longest time, you've tried your best to avoid being a liability. At the same time, once Armin came into your life, you struggled to reciprocate his open nature. Once Eren was in the picture, so desperate to know you, you scrambled to cement boundaries. But truth be told, you were consumed by the anxiety that he might walk away from your stubbornness and you'd lose his affection. Being told you're not an awful person for being closed off brings peace to your weary heart.

“That being said, I promise it wouldn't be the end of the world if you chose to let someone in. Have it be me, Eren, or anyone else. We're all here for you as your friends. I don't think it compares to professional help but for a support system, we're pretty solid. You can trust us.”

Quietly, you nod with a serious expression. 

Armin contemplates your pensive features for a long, quiet minute.

“Is that what you're having trouble with, with Eren?”

Meekly and with your bottom lip between your teeth, you nod.

“I've told him some stuff. Nothing too serious, just pretty surface-level things but… he keeps saying he wants to know everything about me.”

Armin smiles crookedly. 

“Is that a bad thing?”

The question echoes in your ears as you force yourself to contemplate it.

It's not a bad thing for someone to be so willing to figure you out because they care. But the never-ending worries always slip through the cracks. Will he be okay dealing with the weight of your past? Will it somehow change his mind and push him away? Will he somehow empathize with everyone else's point of view and ultimately decide you're difficult to love? Not worthy? That you're too much trouble?

“I want to be good for him.”

Armin’s gaze softens. It’s inappropriate given the tone of the conversation, but he can’t ignore how much more adorable your demeanor has gotten in such little time. Eren must have saved a country in his past life to have you so smitten.

He pats your head affectionately, like that of a father comforting his kid.

“What makes you think you’re not?”

Your bottom lip quivers as you open your mouth to emit a string of fearful but honest whispers.

“Eren’s so nice… I just worry I have too much baggage and he’ll feel obligated to stick around. I don't want to be a burden.”

The mug of tea has grown cold in your hands and the autumn wind sweeps away your confession, carrying it to unknown destinations while its ghost lingers between you and Armin.

It’s a long, painful silence before Armin’s voice slices through it with the wisdom you’ve come to admire.

“Listen. I think you're a pretty remarkable person. And nobody gets to pick the cards they're dealt. I don't think you have to conceal parts of yourself and if someone makes you feel like you do, then you leave. There’s no perfect right person but a right person for you will stick around because they want to… baggage included.”

Eren’s computer screen is littered with multiple tabs and video-editing software. The fan practically sounds like it’s about to lift the CPU into a different dimension. It doesn’t help that his mind keeps straying from the workload before him by conjuring the headlines he saw earlier this morning. 

Normally, he’s so efficient. He loves his job so much, it’s basically a fun time. But not when someone he cares about is in potential danger. Now, it’s just work. 

“Just two months ago, our city was struck by the brutal murder of twenty-six year old Ilse Langnar. And now another woman was murdered? What is going on?” a comment on a public forum read. 

His knee bounces incessantly as his eyes aimlessly wander his screen through his glasses, and he’s continuously forcing himself to go through the same clips over and over again because he keeps forgetting what’s been done and what needs to be. 

For the umpteenth time, he huffs in frustration, running an anxious hand through his hair.

He simply cannot focus today.

As if someone out there can sense his lack of discipline today, they come in with an easy distraction. Eren’s phone buzzes on his desk, promptly pulling his attention from the loopy chaos in his head. 

“Is mace the same thing as pepper spray?” a masculine voice comes from the other end.

Eren pulls the phone from his ear just long enough to get a look at the name on the screen.

“Jean?”

Normally, Jean would quip a comment about how offended he is that Eren can’t even recognize his voice through the phone. But not today. His words are rushed and there’s plenty of movement from his side.

“I’m at a store buying some stuff for Mikasa but I can’t figure out which one is better. I think Mace is the brand? Because it says pepper spray in the description but there’s also one that says water trainer… what the fuck is that?” 

Eren’s already pulling on a jacket before Jean can even finish venting his frustrations on other confusing terms. 

“Which store?”

“Huh?”

“Which store, Jean?”

“Ammo. It’s on Reiss. Why?”

With his phone snuggled between his ear and shoulder, Eren clumsily pulls on his shoes and snatches his keys from the small dish in the foyer. 

“Send me the location. I’ll be right there.”

He hangs up the call, trusting Jean to fulfill his request as he walks out of his apartment and to the parking garage.

Eren walks into the shady-looking shop. There’s an arrangement of weapons everywhere his eyes fall, the most dangerous ones displayed behind hefty locked glass doors on the other side of the counter. 

Upon entry, Eren’s hit with several once-overs from the clientele scattered through the aisles closest to the door. He nods politely at the buff man in his immediate view, hoping he doesn’t seem too lost. 

His eyes search for a familiar tuft of ash-brown hair over the aisles. As soon as he finds him, he makes a beeline.

“Jesus Christ, Jean. Why’d you pick this place?” he hisses. “You couldn’t have gone to a sports goods store or something? The grocery store, even. They have stuff there, too.”

Jean dismisses him with a wave of his hand and instead shows him the collection of items in his basket.

“Look, I got some pepper spray for the girls.” He holds up a package with two different colored products bound in plastic and cardboard. “Turns out the water trainer is just a cartridge with water so you learn how to use it without wasting any product.”

Eren peers into Jean’s basket, making note of every product he’s picked up. Pepper spray, tasers, and personal safety alarms — all in sets of three.

“What?” Jean asks, looking back into the basket on his arm upon noticing Eren’s wandering eyes.

“There’s three of each,” Eren simply says.

“Well, duh,” Jean scoffs. 

One by one, he raises three fingers, listing off a name for each — Mikasa’s, Sasha’s, and yours.

“She’s gonna need this stuff, too,” he adds.

Eren’s lips curl inwards, but he follows up with an appreciative smile.

“Thanks, buddy.”

Jean mirrors his expression, tying it off with a brotherly pat on Eren’s back.

“You can pay me back in installments, I don’t mind.”

Jean walks off toward the cash register, leaving Eren to contemplate the nearly endearing exchange with pursed lips.

The men go through the line and exit the store together. 

“So you saw the news, too, huh?” Jean asks as he absentmindedly swings his keys around his index finger on the way to the consecutive spaces where both men’s cars are parked.

“This morning,” Eren murmurs. “I haven’t been able to focus on work.”

“Me neither,” Jean mutters. “I drove over to Mikasa’s at two in the morning to make sure she was okay because I kept freaking out every two minutes.”

“How is she?”

“She was a little annoyed I woke her up but she let me stay the night.”

Eren chews on the inside of his cheek as he contemplates whether or not it’d be weird for him to show up unannounced at your apartment like Jean did with Mikasa. If he had known about the recent murder the night before, he would’ve definitely raced back to your place. But he supposes you’re not at that place in your relationship yet.

They reach their cars but neither makes a move to part ways. They both lean against the trunk of Eren’s car.

“Has Levi said anything, though?” Eren asks. 

“Nah, just keeps telling her to stay safe,” Jean replies with a shake of his head. “It’s a little weird, though. You think it’s the same person from September?”

Eren shrugs but Jean sees right through his dismissive behavior.

“I do, too, to be honest. It’s pretty scary shit,” Jean’s voice shrinks with every word. 

“Yeah, it is,” Eren admits. “And if Levi is being so cryptic it’s probably because he has to.”

Both men stand together in silence for a moment, unsure of how to part ways on such a somber note but finding too much comfort in each other’s company to bid goodbye. 

Eren sighs heavily as he mindlessly traces the line of a crack in the asphalt with the tip of his foot.

“Hey, congratulations, by the way,” Jean says.

Eren looks up at him, eyebrows knit in confusion. It’s not until Jean pronounces your name that he understands what he’s referring to.

“You guys are going out now, right?” Jean grins.

Eren blushes, a smile instantly working its way onto his face upon hearing the words from someone else’s mouth. It’s a good feeling, to be reminded of this new beginning in his life.

“Thanks,” he laughs. Then pauses. “Wait, how did you know that?”

Jean nervously scoffs as he avoids Eren’s piercing emerald gaze.

“Um… you told me? How else?”

Eren’s eyes narrow; Jean gives in easily — partially.

“Fine, Armin’s been yapping away about it but he made me promise I wouldn’t say he told me. He’s a huge blabbermouth, you know?”

He discreetly breathes a sigh of relief when Eren doesn’t press further, seemingly accepting his word as the truth. After all, Armin was supposed to be the only one to know the details so far.

“Figures,” Eren mutters with a shake of his head, but a pleased smile threatens to tug on his lips at the thought of everyone else finding out. 

“You think she's the one?” Jean abruptly asks, already preparing to tease him.

When Eren turns to look at him, he's got a shy smile playing on his features. 

“Come on,” he says.

Jean throws his hands up in the air.

“Come on, what? It's a valid question. We're on our way to thirty.”

“We've only been on one date,” Eren replies, as if that's an answer in itself.

“So? You were into her from the start, weren't you?”

Eren blushes, still embarrassed that everyone was aware of his crush.

“Yeah,” he meekly replies.

Jean looks off into the distance, smiling over Eren's bashful demeanor. Though not blatantly obvious about it, he cares for Eren like a brother. It's just a lot more fun to bicker and annoy each other. That's not to say he lacks appreciation for heart to heart conversations like this. 

“I knew Mikasa was the one pretty fast,” he confesses.

A chuckle escapes Eren's lips. 

“Well, yeah, but you guys were years in the making.”

“Even so,” Jean murmurs. “I knew she was the one since we were kids.”

“Jean, she used to bully you in fifth grade,” Eren reminds him. “She beat you up because you wouldn't stop following her around like a lost puppy.”

Jean bites back a grin, cheeks dusted with pink at the memory.

“What can I say? I have a thing for pretty girls with a killer punch.”

The two men share a laugh.

It's moments like this, that break the chaotic pattern in their dynamic, that reminds them their relationship goes beyond eye rolls and snappy comments.

“You know I'm proposing soon?”

Eren turns to look at Jean, eyebrows raised in surprise.

“Seriously?” 

Jean glances at him proudly.

“Mhm… This December. I've got the whole thing planned. We're spending the holidays at her family's cabin. I'll do it then. I already talked about it with her parents.”

An immense sense of pride swells in Eren's chest at the news. He always figured his friends were on their way to forever, but the admission to something concrete makes him incredibly happy. 

“What if she says no?” he teases, dipping into his usual ways out of habit. 

“She won't,” Jean firmly states without missing a beat. “I love her and she loves me. It's like you said, we're years in the making.”

He throws his head back to look at the cloudy pale blue sky. 

“I'm gonna give her her dream wedding. It'll be the event of the century,” he gushes, then side-eyes Eren with a smirk. “I'm sure someone will invite you as their plus one.”

Eren rolls his eyes.

“Haha.”

“I'm kidding,” Jean laughs. “But with all this… what I mean to say is, when you know, you know.”

Eren thinks for a moment. 

Has he ever known?

He certainly feels something — a very special way about you. There's not many experiences to compare it to but it certainly feels different somehow when he recalls his last and only girlfriend so far. His caring persona has always been present. The blushing cheeks, the shy confessions. But was instant nature enough to call your situation different? He's never been so eager, never felt so hurt at the thought of someone in pain, never felt so inclined to embrace someone with everything he has, never felt so fascinated by someone.

But that's normal in the honeymoon stage, is it not?

Jean slices through his thoughts.

“And you don't have to think so much about it because it really just hits you out of nowhere. One day you meet a girl and you just can't bring yourself to stop looking at her because she's the prettiest human you've ever seen. You'll come up with excuses to spend as much time as you can with her. You'll want to know everything about her, see every side to her there is — the good, the bad, the ugly… you won't want to miss a single thing. You'll feel yourself falling so deeply in love it drives you crazy. She'll be everything. Your world will start and end with her. It sounds insane but trust me, it's the best feeling ever.”

Eren peers at Jean's expression. He's got a ditzy air about him, a lazy smile stretched across his face. He meets his gaze, suddenly serious.

“I know Armin's your number one for everything but… if one day you decide this girl is the one… call me up first, for once.”

Eren's features soften. 

“I'll fucking blow up a thousand balloons to celebrate.”

He laughs at the offer, recalling an image of himself rushing to blow up the balloon letters for the night Jean made things official with Mikasa.

“I will.”

An accomplice's smile is exchanged between them. Jean is the first to stand.

“Kay… well, I should really get back to work,” he says, fishing his phone out of his jacket to look at the time. “My boss is gonna kill me if I go over on my lunch— dammit!” 

Eren watches amusedly as Jean rushes to the driver's seat and starts his car, throwing a hasty goodbye over his shoulder.

Before he can peel the car from its spot, Eren walks over and taps on the window, calling Jean's name.

“What?” Jean huffs, annoyed at the delay. But Eren only smiles.

“Just wanted to say thanks.”

Jean's features twitch in surprise, but he's quick to replace it with an amused eye roll. 

“Anytime, Jaeger.”

Armin's back at your desk at the end of the day, hands in his jacket pockets and waiting in silence.

“Give me a minute,” you say, briefly glancing at him in between placing an order for office supplies before you leave. 

He nods, wandering off to a cluster of cubicles and slumping into the chair of an empty desk, spinning around a few times while you finish up.

Several clicks later, you head to the building's lobby together. As the elevator goes down, Armin turns to you with concern.

“Hey, you want me to ride the bus with you?”

You tilt your head in confusion.

“Just to make sure you make it home safely,” he explains. 

You wave your hands in front of you, dismissing the idea. 

All day, the office has been rattled by the news of the Halloween party murder. It started with a simple ‘Did you see the news last night?’ and went on to become a trending topic amongst your coworkers.

It was a bit off-putting that everyone seemed so eager to talk about it, like they'd been waiting for someone to bring it up first so they could go through the details of the story over and over in one morbid loop, until they could feel themselves growing numb at the tragedy.

It's true you're still a bit rattled from last night's news, which is likely to be the same reason Armin's offering to do much more than walk with you to the bus stop, but you don't want to give him any trouble.

“I'm good,” you say. “Besides, by the time you get back it'll be dark out.”

Armin parts his lips to ask if you're sure, but his question is cut off by the sound of your phone buzzing in your pocket. 

He catches a glimpse of Eren's name flashing on the screen.

“Hello?”

Armin watches you exchange a brief series of quiet words into the call. When you hang up and he asks you what happened, you seem mildly flustered.

“Eren's waiting for me in the parking lot,” you murmur.

The two of you make your way out the building, searching for Eren's navy blue sedan. It's a quick task, given that Eren's standing right in front of it, looking out for you as well. He waves you over once your eyes meet.

Armin and him share a brotherly handshake before he steps closer to you and murmurs a gentle hey.

“What are you doing here?” you ask, taken aback by his sudden appearance. 

“I thought you could use a ride home,” he explains nonchalantly. 

You hesitate, a hint of guilt gnawing at you from the inside. You're grateful for the offer, but it bears a weight on your shoulders that he went out of his way to pick you up. It's the same as if Armin had kept you company on the bus. He doesn't have to do that, it's out of his way and it would only get him back home later than he needs to be, while you're the only one who ends up benefitting. 

Eren senses your hesitation and glances at Armin for clues.

He's quick to recall the conversation you had this morning, where you let it slip through the cracks that you don't want to be a burden to anybody.

“Come on,” Armin smiles at you. “He's dropping me off, too. Right, buddy?” 

Eren's quick to follow his lead, nodding with vehemence. 

“Yeah, of course.”

Your gaze flickers between both men, who just smile at you — one with concern, the other with encouragement.

Finally, you nod and slip into the copilot seat as Eren holds the door open for you.

The ride is quiet on your end, save for when Eren asks about your day and you briefly tell him it was fine and ordinary, leaving Armin to do most of the talking.

Armin's the first to be dropped off, as he lives a mere five blocks from the office. But the journey to your apartment building is much longer than a couple of minutes, and it's consumed by silence most of the way there.

Eren allows you to keep to yourself during the ride, though he can't ignore the concern that weighs his stomach down at the idea that showing up so suddenly might’ve caused you discomfort.

But if it means you'll for sure make it home in one piece while there's a criminal running wild on the streets attacking women of your likeness, he'll bear the uneasy consequences. 

“Here,” he says, holding out a plastic bag for you to take once you're both at your apartment door.

“What's this?” 

You peer into the bag, eyes widening slightly at the self defense weapons inside. When you look back up at him, he's got a stern air about him.

“It's dangerous right now. I want you to be safe.”

“You didn't have to spend your money on this,” you murmur, brows furrowed. “I'll pay you back for everything.”

Eren shakes his head, holding your wrist down to keep you from pulling out your phone.

“Just take it,” he sighs. “Please.”

Eren's pleading gaze scans your features, heart shrinking at the detection of a hint of discomfort on your behalf. You blink several times, a sign that you're nervous about something. But you murmur a strained thanks in the end as you hook the bag on your wrist.

He exhales a sigh of relief. 

“I better get going,” he says, brushing a hand through his hair before leaning closer to kiss you goodbye, but you turn your face at the last second, letting his lips press into your cheek instead.

Eren steps back, embarrassed by the exchange but choosing not to say anything. Just worriedly searching your face, hoping you'll meet his gaze with the same tenderness you granted him just yesterday.

But you don't. You keep your gaze low, so he can't even try to get a read on you, and murmur a solemn goodbye before shutting the door behind you.

Eren's parked in front of your building when you walk out the main entrance the next morning.

He calls your name gently, careful not to startle you when you nearly miss his presence.

You slide into your designated seat without a hint of protest this time, but you keep to yourself, much like the night before. 

Eren keeps glancing in your direction at every red light, racking his brain for a way to get you to talk to him. It's just the two of you in the car, after all.

His mouth opens a few times, only to be promptly shut when he fails to find any words.

Surprisingly, you're the first to speak.

“You really don't have to do this.”

Normally, when people make such a polite rejection it's because they secretly want the other person to stop — because their actions make them uncomfortable or because it's annoying — or simply to seem polite because, truth be told, they enjoy being tended to. 

But you actually like that he wants to take care of you this way. You like it so much it scares you that you'll start relying on his kind nature too much. The guilt that stems from his willingness to do things for you is suffocating. No matter how pleasant it is for you, you're far more worried about robbing Eren of his time and energy. Even if it's his idea, you don't want him to think you're spoiled.

“I'm doing it because I want to,” he murmurs, stepping on the gas pedal as soon as the light turns green. “There's someone out there attacking women… You're safer this way. You don't have to take the bus anymore.” He smiles. “Think of it as one of the many perks you get out of dating Eren Jaeger.”

The reminder of a criminal freely roaming the streets you've walked on sends a shiver down your spine.

Eren spares quick glances at your troubled expression. 

Why do you seem so conflicted over him trying to keep you safe?

“I'm allowed to worry about you, you know,” he gently expresses, his voice as warm and comforting as ever.

It only makes the knot in your stomach tighten.

“And I'm saying you don't have to.”

You didn't mean to sound harsh, but Eren's upturned eyebrows tell you otherwise.

“Why are you so upset over this?”

He doesn't mean to raise his voice the slightest bit out of frustration, but it makes you shrink in your seat anyway.

Eren's features shift from upset to defeat. Neither of you exchange a word until he pulls up in front of your office building.

“I'm doing this because I care,” he murmurs, voice falling back to the gentle tone he reserves for you.

“I can take care of myself.”

You intended to sound confident — defiant, even. Like some rebellious teenager who refuses to be taken as a child.

“I know,” he says. “But that doesn't mean I can't.”

Your bottom lip is caught between your teeth, which chew nervously on the skin while you find a way to retaliate.

“I don't want to burden you.”

Eren's heart sinks, gaze softening as he reaches over the center console to lift your chin between two fingers.

“You could never.”

You shake your head.

“Saying that doesn't mean anything to me.”

“I'll show you I mean it, then.”

There's so much warmth in his cool-toned gaze. He looks pained almost, silently pleading through his eyes to allow him to do something as simple as drive you to work. To him, it's far from a bother. In fact, it brings him peace. Not to mention he enjoys the extra minutes he gets to spend with you.

An annoyed honk from the car pulling up behind you startles you from Eren's warm stare, forcing you to pull away from his touch to gather your things.

Eren's hand latches onto your wrist before you can open the door to get out. 

“Wait.”

You look back, ready to remind him someone is waiting behind you. But his upturned eyebrows and the concerned glassiness in his eyes stop you from uttering a word.

“Are we good?” he murmurs, voice laced with helplessness. 

It's the look of a kicked puppy that has your stomach churning with guilt.

You nod, quickly leaning over to press a kiss onto his cheek, but without the bright expression that would calm his nerves.

“I'll be back at six,” he calls behind you before driving away, still confused and anxious. 

The hours of your day go by slowly, consumed by the exchange in Eren's car. 

All too overwhelmed by the idea of potentially becoming a nuisance to him, it never occurred to you that you could cause him equal distress by refusing any act of service he offers. Being good for him also means granting his wish to take care of you.

You're such a jerk, you think to yourself. What happened to craving his care?

There's a fine line between relatively good traits morphing into negative ones. Devotion can transform into obsession, loyalty can turn into blind foolishness, confidence can evolve into arrogance, and so on.

There also comes a point when one's insecurities evolve into genuine fatal flaws if you don't do anything to handle them with care. So much concern over being a liability might just end up costing you your relationship with Eren before it even reaches the good part. If you keep pushing him away and make him feel as though there's no room in your life for his kind-natured feelings, you may as well continue living in solitude. 

The ride back to your apartment at the end of the day is as silent as the last time.

There's no flirty banter, no teasing, no laced hands as you find the way to your apartment, no shy smiles.

Eren waits for the lock on your door to click open, as per usual, before stepping back and forcing a smile.

He murmurs a goodbye and you helplessly stare at his back as he takes the first couple of steps down the hall.

But just as he's about to take a third, he turns on his heel and makes his way back to you. 

“I know you're mad,” his voice is weak, and a nervous stutter slips through but there's a determination lacing every word. “I get that it might be weird for me to show up out of the blue at your job and insist on driving you wherever you need to go, but I already told you that you can't stop me from worrying about you, I want to make sure you're safe an–”

You desperately wish to hear everything he has to say, but the need to kiss the sadness from his face outweighs it.

Your lips slot carefully between his, your guilt relieved by his sudden call-out. You hate being scolded. It makes you feel small and worthless, drained of any confidence that would allow you to defend yourself. But he's done it so kindly and while wearing such a vulnerable expression, it makes your heart soften.

He melts into the kiss, his hands instantly finding a home around your waist, pulling you closer while he tries not to spill any tears that were already threatening to stream down his face while laying down his convictions. 

His eyebrows furrow in concentration as you cradle his face in your hands, tenderly kissing him, absorbing his relieved sighs.

After two days of scarce physical contact, thinking you've been too upset to kiss him as you usually do, this is absolute heaven.

“I'm not mad,” you murmur, as you pull away, brow furrowed and eyes lined with tears.

“Well, I know that now,” he sniffles as he caresses your cheek. “Talk to me.”

You clear your throat, unsure if the middle of a hallway is an acceptable place to have a heart to heart conversation, but unwilling to put a stop to the feather-like strokes his thumb traces on the apple of your cheek as he waits for you to speak your mind. 

“Everything between us is so new,” you begin. “You have to give me some time to get used to this.”

He blinks several times as he tries to understand what you just said.

“Dating?” he asks.

“Everything.” 

You blink up at him, tear droplets clinging to your lashes.

“When I say you don't have to do certain things it's because I don't want to make your life harder. I don't want to be a nuisance.”

“You're not, baby, I swear.”

The affectionate term slips from Eren's tongue without premeditation. 

“Not yet,” your voice cracks. “I don't want you to get sick of me, I already like you too much.”

The tears spill down your cheeks as suddenly as your trembling confession rolls off your tongue.

Your words form a lump in Eren's throat. Though your admission is sweet in nature, no force could keep his heart from crumbling at the sight of your weary eyes, glossy with tears that continuously stream down your cheeks. Nothing has ever hurt so much.

His strong arms envelop you in a warm embrace so tight you're positive he's trying to glue you back together by force. Your childlike sobs are muffled against his chest — hiccups, shuddered breaths, and all.

“I'm selfish and I like it too much when you take care of me but if I start relying too much on your kindness, I'll start burdening you and you'll leave,” you cry into his shirt. You're almost certain you've messed up his clothes with your tears and streaks of your makeup, but Eren couldn't care less.

“That's not going to happen, I'll make sure to prove it to you,” he vows while pressing velvet kisses onto your hair. “I'll be happy if I'm the first person you run to for anything you need.”

Loosening his hold on your frame, he leans back to look at your face. It's full of streaks of dried tears traced with makeup, your eyes puffy from your brief but intense crying, and a ghost of a pout on your lips. 

A hushed chuckle bubbles up his throat. His eyes crinkle in further amusement when you accentuate your pout at him for laughing.

“You silly girl,” he murmurs, pressing you back into his chest. “Don't you realize how much I like you?”

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taglist: @erenjaegerwifee @youatemylollipop @okaystopwhore @bakuhoethotski

[izvmimi]

a/n: not me butting into other people's aus but i love @strawberrystepmom's kakashi x reader au so much!!!

cw: alcohol mention. reader is at brunch with a friend (oc)!

"so you're fucking the hokage, huh?"

you nearly spit out the drink in your mouth while maemi looks at you, unphased by the words coming out of her mouth, and stirs her drink. it's 11am, there's relentless hustle and bustle at this outdoor restaurant, and the soft breeze of early spring is not enough to abate the heat rising from your mostly bare shoulders up to your jawline.

"shhh!!!" you hiss, leaning in, as though you're suddenly surrounded by reporters. maemi blinks.

"damn, you didn't even argue with me." she laughs as your complexion reddens even more, and takes another bite of eggs benedict. you're covering your face now, embarrassment thick and unrelenting, and she chews and swallows before leaning in.

"don't worry, no one is listening in. plus i'm pretty good at misdirection - good grades in genjutsu class, remember?" she insists.

you shoot her a dirty look before rising to a regular sitting position, and adjusting the pleats of your spring dress.

"fine, a codename." maemi suggests. "are we going with your usual?"

you sigh. "That Man and I have not fucked yet."

maemi looks at you, contemplating, then takes another bite.

"he's fingered you under the table, right?" she asks.

"please!"

maemi takes a sip of her mimosa, nonchalant, and gulps it down a little too quick. "manabu told me, and if he knows, more people know than you think."

your blood seems to run cold, or is it early spring chill? you can't tell. her partner doesn't seem like the gossipy type, but he does work close enough to the hokage's office that it is feasible that he's heard something - or worse, heard something.

"you know, i could tell that once you started this job it would end up like this." she taps her forehead with the back of one of her chopsticks. "you know, the authority kink and everything?"

you take out your hand and place it on the table, palm up. "knock me out right now, to be honest." maemi looks down at your hand then looks up.

"oh no, you're gonna have to ask the alcohol to do that for you." she says, declining to waste her chakra. with that statement, she finishes the rest of her mimosa, then raises her hand up for the waiter to bring them another round of drinks. once the order is given, her eyes turn foxlike as she smiles at you again.

"hey, can you get the hokage to promote me? i'm not gonna be able to compete with nepotism baby sakura at this point, unless i have some kind of backer."

you snort. "i don't think being a former hokage's apprentice necessarily counts as nepotism. maybe she's just good."

maemi furrows her eyebrows. "listen, i may not be as good as her but i'm not garbage and i need someone powerful to back me-"

you raise a hand. "even if i WERE-" you pause, then bite your lip before continuing, "making love to current Lord Sixth-"

"is that what you call him in bed?"

you can feel your head start to pound before giggling maemi raises her own hands in defeat. "sorry, no more jokes."

you cut your eyes at her, and continue, "- what makes you think i can ask that?"

maemi leans in, brown eyes glowing with humor at her own jokes. "just give him the old spit shine and be like, so i have this really, really talented friend-"

"get out." you hiss.

your next round of drinks come, and you dig into a plate of potatoes and chase it down with iced coffee. as the conversation shifts away from the fact that you are notably entangled with the most powerful man in konoha at the moment, you consider what it might mean for your future, both as a biographer but also as someone who hopes to live quietly in this country. maemi notices you are somewhat lost in thought, and stops her tirade about the hierarchy of konoha's medical-nin, and gives you a reassuring smile.

"i know i just gave you shit, but i promise if anyone bothers you, i'll be the first one at your defense. i already told manabu to write down the names of anyone who even suggests that you're anything but sweet and sought after," she mentions. "you'll be fine."

you swallow.

"thanks."

maemi gives you another look, able to tell you're not completely reassured.

"do you love him?" she asks, her voice softer this time. "... it's not wrong if you do."

you can't give her a yes now, but you can feel your heart, slowly but surely, moving towards it.

[sunshine-in-a-bottle]

hi :D I saw you reblogging bingo cards so as you can probably expect: c!dream, c!sam and c!punz as well as DreamXD and c!Technoblade for the character bingo card and

3 mcyters of your choice for the mcyt bingo

Hi sorry this took so long I did literally all of the bingo stuff in one night and then I was exhausted and had to take a break that lasted longer than I intended.

^When I say cDream got done dirty by the fans I mean the inniters specifically. Look at him. Look at how interesting and terrible and wonderful he is. Look at all his maladaptive coping mechanisms. Why the fuck does he look like that? Idk but its cool as fuck and I'm keeping him forever. He gets the greatest honor I'll ever bestow- a place on my mental shelf where all my favorite characters rest.

^Quite frankly the fact that I've turned Sam into a woobie is entirely my fault and I take full responsibility. I acknowledge he's a terrible person your honor. I just also acknowledge that every time I see him I need to bite down and shake him like a chew toy. This will inevitably come back to haunt me I'm sure.

^Punz is fun in that unlike the other two, I feel no need to justify their crimes Ever. I feel no need to explain to anyone that they're Nuanced and that their actions come from a specific place. I think Punz can do anything they want actually, and in fact should murder those teenagers for fun and profit. Punz doesn't need the nuance to be enjoyable. If their response to someone pissing them off is Direct Brutal Murder, then I think its Their Right As A Punz To Do So.

Yes they do have all that nuance and interesting motives and have a long, storied narrative, but I've never felt so defensive about them as I have Dream and Sam. It makes them very refreshing in a way.

^I probably should have put "is a horrible person" for XD. Whoops. But listen, they're fun in that you can shake em around in a plastic bag and they make the best crinkly sounds. They have so much potential as a character and so many different things you can do with them, especially if you get super creative about it. By themselves though they tend to be a bit of a nothingburger? I honestly don't think XD is that fun or interesting if they aren't focused around at least one other person, at least in their canon state. Part of what makes XD good is how he affects other people, not his own personal thoughts and feelings on any matter.

There's a lot of potential to change that of course, I've read some interesting fanfics and AU's where XD has been fleshed out and written some myself, but I think its really telling that one of the biggest mysteries of XD is why he has Dream's Face and not his own.

^Technoblade is one of those Very Good No Notes sort of person. I really should have said I don't have much to say about him, but that felt so negative when I think nothing but positive things about him? Its just, anything I could possibly think to say has likely already been said for me. He's a good, genuine character. His flaws are comprehensible (the man's anxiety and impulsive wrath tends to get him into trouble) but at the same time his sincerity and acts of kindness and humanity makes him so likeable that you're delighted to root for him even when he's doing things you may not agree with. He's the Dream who had a friend who was allowed to be openly loyal to him, the Dream that managed to find a group of people that have his back. Its kind of bittersweet for me almost.

Honestly I almost kind of wish he was more problematic just so I could be more mentally ill about him? Like once a character stops being overtly flawed and suffering from their flaws it gets hard for me to be invested. Maybe I just need to read a fic about him fucking up? Actually yeah I'm going to go do that, where's a fic about post-prison where he regrets leaving Dream out in the cold and its rivals hurt/comfort all the way.

^ccDream makes me smile. Thats it thats the post. If it had been anyone else piloting cDream I probably wouldn't have been in this fandom. I am Delighted. I am Thriving. I am In My Lane.

^ccSam. Its not my fault okay. He's just!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaa!!!!! He's Loyal and Kind and Funny and Good and this is not my fault. Also he understands The Demons.

ccFoolish. Shut up don't look at me watching a 16 hour stream and having it on in the background while I do other things. Shut up. I deserve joyous whimsy in my life. Fuck you.

[fitrahgolden]

WEARY MEMORY: 5 - EVERY NIGHT BY THE BED

“To another successful Sharma-Bridgerton birthday bash.”

Kate and Anthony clinked beer bottles as they laid on her living room floor, propped up by pillows they'd pulled down from the couch.

Anthony took a sip before saying, “Yeah. He genuinely seemed to enjoy it, didn't he?”

“You're surprised?” Kate raised an eyebrow as she took a bite of leftover cake.

“I mean, it's what he asked for, but he's turning fourteen. I would think the, you know, typical balloons and birthday cake and games and all that with his family wouldn't hold that much appeal anymore.”

“Ah,” Kate laughed. “I think he asked for a traditional party for his siblings. Such a sweetheart. He’ll get to do something cool when he goes out with his friends tomorrow.”

“Ah.”

They sat in silence for a while. “Do you think they feel cheated out of what’s supposed to be a perk of being children of divorce?” Anthony mused.

“And what is that?”

“Two of everything. Two birthdays, two of every holiday. Just…double the stuff.”

“Oh, that. I wonder how common that actually is. Either way, no, I genuinely think they love that we still celebrate everything together.” Kate then added, a bit shyly, “So do I.”

“Hey, I do l, too,” Anthony assured her. “Definitely.”

“Yeah, you seemed to be enjoying yourself.” Kate nudged him with her shoulder.

“Oh, I did. I just… I love when everyone's together, all the grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins. I was afraid that when… Well, I'm just really happy the kids can still have that. That the five of us can still have that.”

There was a pensive shift in Anthony's eyes.

“In general, have you been OK?” Kate asked. “Violet asked me what was going on with you.”

“Did she?” Anthony rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, even though I'm probably not a good person to ask anymore.”

“Why not?” Anthony’s tone was almost defensive.

Surprised, Kate stammered a bit. “Well, um… We don't… I'm just not in your life most of the time. There's plenty that could be happening with you, and there’d be no reason for me to know.

Anthony seemed to consider that for a few moments, his brow furrowed. “You really feel like that?”

“You don't?” Kate replied, instead of thinking too hard about how sad it made her feel, the prospect of Anthony eventually becoming truly estranged from her. What will we be to each other by the time Kav is a teenager? 

“No, I don't.” Anthony was almost petulant in the sternness of his response.

“Oh.” That was all Kate could say. She took another bite of cake. 

There was an awkward silence. Anthony seemed to think of something to fill it.

“Hey. I haven't told anyone at work yet, um, I'm working on a book.”

Kate sat up. “Really?!”

Anthony nodded, reluctant pride colouring his face. 

“You’re writing again! That makes me so happy. Tell me, tell me. What's it about?”

“A mother and son fighting for the affection of a useless dog,” Anthony answered with a smirk.

Kate stared at him for a couple of seconds before whacking him with a pillow. “You'd better be kidding.”

“I'm not. Of course, you and Maan would need to grant me life rights before I publish it.”

Kate continued to glare at him, and he laughed.

“Kit, I promise, it's really cute. It'll be even cuter with your pictures.”

“What?”

“I can't publish a book without your pictures. That'd be blasphemous, coming out with a book after so long, only to have the illustrations be subpar. You ruined me for other illustrators a long time ago.”

“You're serious.”

Anthony nodded, his eyes full of…something Kate couldn't quite decipher.

“I, um…”

He reached out and patted her knee. “You don't have to answer now. But please think about it. I can show you what I have so far and… Just think about it, please.”

Kate smiled at his earnestness, ignoring the warmth his touch left behind on her leg. “I'll think about it.”

“Thank you. Now,” Anthony turned more towards her. “I have a much more important question.”

“What's that?” Kate tried to sound breezy, but was sure she failed.

“Are you, Ms. Sharma-Bridgerton, going to finish that slice of cake?”

Kate sighed a soft laugh, shaking her head as she passed Anthony her plate. He eagerly took a bite, and made a face that was too obscene for Kate to look at directly, accompanied by a sound that was just as bad.

“Fuck, Edwina can bake.”

“I know, right?

“Why doesn't she do this professionally?”

“She thinks she'd hate it if she had to do it.”

Anthony took another bite and shrugged. “That's fair. But my God.”

Kate laughed, and had to look away again. “I'm just happy Ned's favourite is the same as mine.”

“Strawberries and chocolate,” Anthony said appreciatively, looking at the fork.

“Yeah.”

“That’s what you tasted like.” His voice was low and wistful.

Warmth suddenly surged through Kate's body. “What?”

“The night we met, at that party.” He looked over at her, his eyes landing on her lips. “When I kissed you.”

Kate forced a laugh, having no idea what to do with that, what Anthony wanted her to do with that. “Well, I may or may not have been parked next to the chocolate fountain the whole time before you talked to me.”

“Oh, I know you were. Why do you think I went over there?”

“For the novelty of a chocolate fountain in a flat occupied by no one over the age of twenty-two?” Kate truly didn't know what this conversation was anymore, and Anthony didn't seem concerned with helping her out. He just wordlessly shook his head. Kate bit her lip. “That, um… That feels like three lifetimes ago.”

“It’s odd to think about. Right now, at this particular moment.”

“Why now in particular?”

“Well, we had a party for our oldest’s fourteenth birthday today. Now, we’re lying here in the living room, decompressing after putting the kids to bed. It’s exactly the kind of scene I would have dreamed about back then. But…” Anthony looked up at the ceiling. “I don’t live here.”

Kate could feel her eyes getting heavy with tears. “Right,” she whispered.

Anthony slowly shook his head, continuing to look up. “That part, I would have never seen coming.” Kate thought she saw his own eyes getting watery.  “Kit?”

“Yes?”

“Are you happy?”

Am I happy? Kate really had no idea what was happening.

“I have a really good life,” she conceded. 

Anthony nodded, but didn't let it go. “Are you happy, though?”

“I… don’t know, actually. I try not to think about it.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do if the answer is no.”

“Yeah.” He gave her half a smile. “I’m not happy,” he said simply. He propped himself up a bit more as he continued. “Kit, I think we made a mistake. We got it all wrong. I don’t think our marriage was the problem. We ran away from each other when we needed each other most.”

Kate suddenly found it hard to breathe. “Anthony–”

“I think we made a monumental, excruciatingly harmful mistake. And the five of us are so much worse off because of it.” Anthony sat up fully, and ran a hand down her arm. “Is there any part of you that agrees with me?”

“Yes.” The answer was out before Kate could even think about it. She finally made herself look back at him.

“Really?” His eyes lit up. 

“Yes. But… Well, what do we do?”

Anthony huffed out a laugh. “I have no fucking idea, Kit.” His hand reached down to cover hers. “Can I try kissing you? Maybe that will help.”

“Yes.”

Anthony approached her slowly, eyes shining with gratitude, as if this is all he's ever wanted. How long had he wanted this? How long had she? Did they ever really stop?

He placed his lips on hers carefully but confidently, like he did that first time when they were at uni. It was brief. He pulled back slightly after a couple of seconds, but didn't move away completely. Their lips hovered over each other as he waited. Kate knew that's what he was doing. Giving her the chance to end it there, or continue exploring. She chose the latter.

She surged forward while pulling him to her by his hair, and they met roughly in the middle. Anthony made a wounded sound that only resulted in Kate tightening her grip, and then he more or less fell on top of her. She giggled against his mouth, a sound that died immediately when he took that opportunity to tease his tongue past her lips. The thoughts that had temporarily vacated Kate's head started trickling back in as she felt Anthony roll her onto her back and settle between her legs, one of his hands on the back of her neck, the other disappearing under her shirt.

“Strawberries and chocolate,” he murmured as he kissed her throat.

When Anthony's fingers started playing with the button of her shorts, a thought occurred to Kate that had her pushing him back.

“Wait. This isn't right.”

He sat back on his haunches, panting. “Why not?”

“Anthony,” Kate said with derision, trying her best to ignore the state of him, his hair in utter disarray, his flushed face, black eyes, and swollen lips. “Your girlfriend?”

Anthony huffed and shook his head, still breathing heavily. “We broke up. Last month.”

“Oh.”

Anthony clasped her hands. “I promise, Kit. You know I would never–”

“No, of course. Of course.”

Anthony leaned his forehead against Kate's.

“We shouldn’t be doing this out here,” he whispered. “Not with the kids upstairs.”

“You're right. Do you want to go to my room?”

“Fuck, yes,” Anthony hissed and they laughed. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

Kate looked into her husband's eyes. A voice in her head reminded her that he wasn't her husband anymore, but a louder one said, Fuck off. Yes, he is.

“Yes, I'm sure.”

[misssugarcat]

Fair Play

Important note: If you like Leander, maybe it's better not to read the following story. 😅 I really can't stand him, so I chose him as an enemy this time. Aesop Sharp x Reader – 5,6 k words

I accidentally blew up a cauldron. Again. I am just a total bummer for potions.

Professor Sharp sighs and rolls his eyes. "Miss Mills, you really need to be more careful. How many times is this now that you've blown up a cauldron?"

"I'm not sure, Sir ..." I say sheepishly. I'd like to be good at potions, but somehow potions don't like me.

He sighs again. "Okay then. How did you blow THIS one up. Come on, I know you know what you did."

"Hmm ... I stirred in the wrong direction?" It's more of a question than an explanation.

Professor Sharp sighs for the third time and facepalms. "How in Merlin's beard do you stir in the WRONG DIRECTION?!"

"Uh … I've got a little left-right problem ..." I'm getting more and more meek.

The teacher laughed dryly. "I hope you don't have the same problem with flying a broom."

"Maybe that’s why Professor Kogawa doesn't like me that much ..." I bite my tongue. I would like to sink into the ground with shame.

He groans. "Miss Mills. I think you'll need to stay after school to keep practicing ... you can't be making the same mistakes all the time."

"In fact, the last time the cauldron exploded, it wasn't my left-right weakness that was the problem." Please, ground, just open up.

He glances at me. "And what was your problem exactly, that you're so reluctant to admit?"

" … wrong ingredient?" He will kill me.

Sharp sighs for the fourth time. "Let me fix that for you: You were not paying attention, and you were being careless. It's not hard to look at the ingredients before adding them to a cauldron, is it?"

Okay, he's not going to kill me, it'll be the next exploding cauldron.

He closes his eyes and places his hands over his face, groaning again. "Miss Mills ... did you even read the recipe?"

"I did, Sir. Really ..."

He just looks at me. "I'm disappointed. You've blown up three different cauldrons before. I hope you're not like this in your other classes."

"At least no plants have eaten me in Herbology."

He laughed dryly. "Well, at least that's an accomplishment I suppose."

"I try to take my incompetence with humour." I shrug apologetically.

"You really should just ask for help, you know. I'm sure if you just slowed down for once this wouldn't be quite as much of a problem."

I leave the classroom with my head ducked.

He facepalms behind me. "Why do they insist on making my job more difficult for me?"

My best friend Natsai Onai is waiting for me in front of the classroom. She puts a comforting hand on my shoulder. She looks genuinely concerned and asks: "Are you feeling alright? Professor Sharp can be a bit harsh sometimes."

I shake my head. "He means well. I know I'm terrible at potions. I just don't have a talent for it. I wish it was different. I wish I was different."

She tries to smile. "It's alright, Amy. Not everyone's cut out for every subject. I'm sure there's something else you're good at!" She frowned. "It is unfortunate that it had to be potions, though. I know how badly you want to be good at it."

I start to cry. Natty hugs me. "Hey now, it's okay ... it just doesn't come naturally to you, and that's okay. There's no shame in that, after all. You just might need some more help than most, and no one's gonna judge you for that, okay?"

I sniffle. "I'm such a loser."

Natsai shakes her head and keeps hugging me. "You're really not. You're kind, sweet and caring. Not everyone's a potions genius and that's fine." She holds me a little tighter and rubs my back. "There will be a subject that clicks with you. I just know there is."

"Not potions, anyway ... at least I'm good at Defense Against the Dark Arts and Transfiguration, anything to do with practical magic." I'm talented at that.

Natsai smiles. "And that's alright! Don't compare yourself to anyone else, okay? We all have talents, but we also have our weaknesses. Just don't be embarrassed to ask for help, understand?"

I nod. "Thanks, Natty. I'm already feeling better."

"Of course, that's what friends are for!" She smiles again. "We all need a bit of encouragement or support from our friends once in a while, especially when we're feeling down." She squeezes me softly, rubbing my back.

In the evening, Natty and I do our homework. We have to write a multi-page essay on the properties and use of Wiggenweld Potion for Professor Sharp.

I try to be as specific as possible this time, often asking Natty for her opinion and looking things up multiple times. My essay just has to be good this time. I want to prove to Professor Sharp that I can do more than blow up cauldrons.

When I turn in my essay, Professor Sharp is impressed. He didn't say so outright, but I can tell by the twinkle in his eye.

"Miss Mills, this is really well done! I'm impressed. You've clearly done a lot of research and put a lot of care into this essay. I would like to award you this well-deserved 20 points for Gryffindor. Well done."

I beam at him. "Thank you, Professor!"

He sighs and smiles. "Now, you need to promise me you'll be careful with your next cauldron." He laughed dryly. "I'm beginning to think you're trying to kill me with those things, Miss Mills."

I look at him in horror. "I would never dare, Sir!"

"Well, you could have fooled me!" He laughs again. "So, will you promise me you'll be careful next time? I don't want to have to use a potion to re-grow any hair that may have been burned off during your next explosion." He looks at me seriously. "Don't waste your potential, young lady."

The next time we're supposed to brew a potion, I'm very nervous. I just can't screw it up this time.

I am much more careful and precise ... and more importantly, I read the recipe over, again and again. This seemed a sign of improvement. The potion began to bubble as I stir.

"Now be very careful ... and slowly add the next ingredient." Professor Sharp glances around the cauldrons ?" Professor Sharp glances around the cauldrons It is critical to the success of the potion. Understand?"

I turn away to count my Dittany Leaves.

Suddenly Professor Sharp's voice rings out: "MR PREWETT!!! DON'T YOU DARE!"

I turn around, startled. Leander Prewett is standing next to me, a spider fang in his hand. Apparently he was about to throw it in my cauldron. I stare at Leander.

Professor Sharp glances at Leander. "What. The. Hell. Is. Your. Problem?" He looks at him angrily. "Get over to my desk, you little prick. NOW!" He looks over to you, slightly flustered.

"Sorry, Miss Mills. You can go back to your cauldron. I just have some issues with Mr. Prewett here and I'll deal with them personally."

I'm still staring at Leander as he sheepishly walks over to Professor Sharp. Then I'm starting to realize it. HE is responsible for my exploding cauldrons!

Sharp starts slamming his fist down on his desk. He is fuming. "How dare you? What the hell makes you think it's okay to sabotage someone's work just because you hate them? Or whatever stupid childish reason you came up with to do this!"

I carefully continue with my potion. I try to focus on doing everything right. And my work seems to be paying off. My potion is going very well. It was going almost perfectly, in fact. My potion was bubbling and steaming, but the consistency was perfect.

Professor Sharp looks genuinely surprised. "Well ... what do you know? There is a potions genius in between those ears of yours! Good work!" Then he glances over at Leander. "That's the last time you'll be pulling stupid pranks like that in my class. Understand?"

I'm beaming. Apparently I'm better at potions than I thought. I giggle and Natty gives me a smile. I can see how proud she is of me. She leans in to whisper in my ear. "See? I told you that you could do it if you set your mind to it. I'm proud, you did really good!"

As Leander walks past me, he gives me a sinister look. I look at him confused. He's definitely mad at me, and he's really trying to make sure that I know it.

The hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Something is wrong. I have a bad feeling.

I glance over at him. The next thing I know, there's a flash of light that catches my eye. He throws a bezoar into my cauldron. I try to say something, but it's too late.

The potion immediately catches fire and starts overflowing over the sides, and it starts to explode.

Everyone starts shouting and screaming. I take cover. Another exploding cauldron ... but at least this time it's clearly not my fault.

Everyone stares in shock as Leander begins to laugh. Leander is actually laughing – and he doesn't seem to be worried the slightest.

I can see Professor Sharp, who is fuming. "Are you trying to kill someone?! That is NOT funny! Do you know how dangerous that is?!" He screams, looking absolutely furious and disgusted with Leander. "Do you wanna explain yourself Leander?! You've clearly got a death wish if you think this is a good idea!"

Leander has gone mad. Obviously he is out of mind. Sharp is still screaming at him. "You're gonna tell me WHY you just did this, WHY it was necessary to do this TWICE now ... and then you're gonna have to write me a 20 pages essay on the dangers of using bezoars in a cauldron. He slams his hands onto the desk. He was clearly beyond the boiling point right now. "Answer. Me. Now."

Leander looks at me. He smiles. He is definitely enjoying the fact that he was getting so much attention. He clearly isn't worried about the trouble he might be in at all. "What I did was entirely justified." He laughed a little bit. "I just wanted to teach Miss Mills a lesson. I think I taught her quite well, don't you?" He looks at Professor Sharp.

My jaw drops.

"So, you're telling me that you decided to try to kill the poor girl because you were annoyed at her?" Sharp looks at him in disbelief. "How ... dare you. I will be reporting this behaviour immediately. The headmaster needs to know about this, and I would suggest you apologize now for what you did."

But Leander obviously has no desire to follow his instructions. "She's a snooty goat. She thinks she's better", he says suddenly. "She ignored me. Didn't even want to go on a date with me."

Sharp's eyes widened. "What?" He glances at Leander with a look of disgust. "You cannot be serious right now."

If my mouth wasn't already open, my jaw would drop again.

Sharp is baffled. Just a moment ago, he was furious at Leander for being completely reckless in his potions class – but now, he was nearly speechless. "Are you implying that you almost killed her ... because she didn't want to go out with you?!" He looks absolutely shocked.

I stare at them. Leander has really gone mad.

Leander is angry now. "How dare you? How dare you not want to go out with me?" Does this guy even hear himself right now? He sounds like a complete narcissist ... because that's exactly what he is.

I feel dizzy.

Leander continues ranting. He's really starting to lose his temper. "Fine. If you won't go out with me, I guess I'll have to make sure you can't go out with anyone else." He starts to pace, clearly in some kind of rage. I had never seen someone get so upset about me not wanting to be with them ... and yet here I am. I have a front row seat.

"You are such a bitch", Leander looks at me full of anger. Then he spits at me.

The spit hits me. I stare at him. He's totally off his rocker this time.

Sharp is still watching in complete shock. He looks at Leander, looking absolutely furious. "Are you insane?! You just spat on a student because they wouldn't go out with you?!" He was livid. Leander had completely lost the plot, he is completely out of control now.

I crawl under the next table before Leander goes completely insane.

Leander laughs a sick little laugh. He actually thought that my reaction was funny. He's definitely a complete nutjob. He's going to get himself suspended or something else at this rate, and he doesn't even care. In fact, he's almost enjoying the fact that everyone is staring at him.

Then Leander suddenly turns around and leaves the classroom laughing. I stare after him. I just can't believe what just happened. It was like a bad movie. He leaves the room, a look of insane arrogance on his face.

The whole class is staring at me now, everyone's worried and scared. I can see on their faces that this is the first time they've seen Leander explode like that. They were never prepared to see someone as angry, violent and arrogant as Leander just became.

Professor Sharp walks over to me and helps me out from under the table. "Are you alright? Do you need to go to the hospital wing? You don't look so good ..." He looks at me, worried.

I shake my head. Actually, I just want to go to my dormitory. But I'd have to go through the Gryffindor common room to do that. Where Leander could be ... I stare at Professor Sharp, realizing I'm not even safe in the Gryffindor common room anymore.

He sighs. "Don't worry. I'll walk you to your bedroom. If you really need me to, I'll even sleep outside the entrance to your bedroom so you feel safer. I don't think Leander will be that bold. But he's got a short temper ... clearly. And I'd rather take the precautions than have another incident." He looks a bit worried.

"Yes please ..." My voice sounds strange. Not at all like myself.

Professor Sharp immediately puts his hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry. We're gonna get you back to your room, you'll feel better once you're back in there. And I'll make sure he does not follow you in."

He is determined to protect me. He is worried that Leander might try something else, but he wants to make sure that Leander wouldn't lay a hand on me.

On the way to the Gryffindor common room, I take a deep breath. "I actually declined to go out with him. I'm sorry. If I had known he was going crazy, I wouldn't have turned him down."

He sighs. "Trust me, don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. He's the one who's gone insane. There was nothing you could've done that would've prevented him from acting like a complete moron."

"What happens to him now?" I ask carefully. Professor Sharp sighs again.

"I would normally just give him a detention. But he's crossed a line here. And you deserve protection from someone like him. He's going to have a lot of consequences for acting like that." He looks upset. "But I'm not gonna let him harass you. Remember: I don't care if I have to sleep outside your door tonight."

He had never acted quite so protective over someone before, even when he and his friends were Aurors.

I smile briefly. "Thank you."

He looks at me, his face soft and kind. He is definitely one of the nicer professors in the school, if a little rough around the edges. "Anytime. You know where to find me if you need anything." He smiles. "Now, let's get you back to your bedroom."

 When we arrive at my dorm, I sit down on my bed. I look at Professor Sharp. "Did Leander hurt you?"

Professor Sharp looks surprised by the question. "Hurt me? No. He wouldn't dare try to hurt me." He chuckles, shaking his head. "No, he didn't hurt me. He's just a little ... unhinged in the head, let's say."

He sits down next to me on my bed. "Why do you ask?" He gives me a strange look.

I explain: "You looked in the classroom like you were about to have a heart attack because you were so upset."

He laughs. "I'm just more shocked by his behaviour. I was not expecting him to act like that. He's never been quite as rude as he was, but I suppose that's his true colours showing?" He looks at me. "Did he actually do anything else to you? I'll be glad to punish him some more if he did. I hate to see a student being attacked for no reason."

"Please don't get upset again." I look at him worried.

He smiles, trying to reassure me. "Don't worry, I'm not too upset. And don't worry, I won't get physical with him or anything. I've got more tact than that." He frowned. "But I'm still gonna have a very serious talk with him after what he did today. And I want you to know that you can always come to me with any concerns. I will always back up my students."

I squeeze his hand. "Thank you."

He smiles again at me. "Anytime. Now, is there anything I can get you to make you feel better? You just had a rather traumatizing experience, so I want to make sure you're feeling alright." He looks at me. "Do you want some tea? I have some relaxing tea. Or maybe you want something else? I've got almost anything you can think of."

"Tea sounds good." I grin.

He grins back. "Sure thing. I'll get that for you. Do you have a preference of flavours? I've got black tea, green tea. I've also got chamomile and some other types." He looks at me politely, just waiting for me to decide.

After I chose green tea, Professor Sharp goes downstairs to the common room to make us some.

Then he comes back upstairs with two mugs full of warm green tea. He offers me one of the mugs. "Here we go. Freshly made." Then he sits back down on my bed and takes a sip from his mug. "So ... how are you feeling? Are you alright?"

I nod. "Better." Then I sigh. "What now? I can't stay here in the dormitory forever."

He smirks slightly. "Of course not. I won't let what he did stop you from living your life." He drinks some more of his tea. "I'm assuming you won't want to be around him at all anymore – and I can't blame you. I'll make sure that you won't have to."

He seems determined to fix this situation. "I'll have him permanent detention and suspended from school until further notice."

"We have many subjects together. After all, we are in the same year in the same house." I frown.

"That doesn't change anything. He will be suspended. You shouldn't be forced to be around him, and I will make that happen. I'll contact his family members as well, and make sure that they're aware of how he's been behaving." He shakes his head. "He's crossed a line. And I will make sure you won't ever have to worry about him again."

We sit together on my bed for a while. Then I repeat: "Thank you." And then I hug Professor Sharp.

He smiles, looking a bit surprised. He hadn't expected a hug. But it was a welcomed surprise.

"You're welcome. Don't worry. I'll take care of you. And I'll make sure he doesn't bother you."

We sit together until the evening, drink tea, talk and play chess – Professor Sharp is indeed a formidable opponent. I lose more than once.

"You're doing good. You're probably one of my tougher opponents, I have to say." Aesop chuckled, sipping his tea and smiling. "I'll admit, it does take me a lot to focus. But you do make me have to work for a victory. But you'll never defeat me." He grins.

"We will see." I grin cheekily.

Aesop chuckles. "I will win. Just you watch." He took a swig of his tea, still looking confident.

"So I take it you enjoy chess? I'm a big chess-player. In fact, back when I was a young student here, I was quite the champion." He smiles. "You know, I won the trophy for chess every year. No one could touch me."

"If this turns out like Potions, I'll be better than you in no time." I laugh.

He joins my laughter. "Not on your life. I was literally a wizard on that board, and I never lost a match." He chuckles again. "I've still got that trophy around here somewhere as well, as a reminder of my greatest victory. It's just a bit nostalgic, really, thinking back to that year." He smiles. "But, you're good for a newer player. You're not too bad. Maybe you'll be a master someday. But I will always be the chess champion."

"Only in your dreams. Someday I will defeat you." I promise him.

Aesop grins. "If that helps you sleep at night, but you're not getting anywhere near my level of chess. I'm un-de-fea-ted." He takes another sip on his tea. "I might let you win the first time, though ... I can see the ambition in your eyes. So, I'll be nice and not crush your dreams." He smiles at me. "I think you could be really good at this. I'd even train you to get to my level."

"Is it an offer?" I raise my eyebrows.

Aesop smiles. He'd actually quite like to teach me. "Of course, I always love helping students reach their potential. And you seem to have more potential than you think. So sure, I'll be willing to train you." He grins again. "But I still can't guarantee that you'll ever be at my level. But I'll at least train you until you get as good as you possibly can. If that's acceptable?"

"Deal." I hold out my hand to him.

He takes my hand and shakes it. "I look forward to teaching you. I've loved teaching this craft to my students, and you're definitely one of my more promising ones. I can't wait to see how well you end up playing."

We look at each other and grin.

"So, are you up for a few more games?" He took another sip of his tea and set the mug back down. "Or are you tired of losing? I'd completely understand." Aesop chuckles, smirking slightly as he looks at me. "You're always free to go if you've had enough. It's up to you."

"I'm ready." I set up the chess pieces. Aesop plays black, I play white.

"And ... go. Your move." My teacher looks over the board, looking for a good move. He is already thinking a few turns ahead.

We play late into the night. Of course, he wins every time. After a while I start yawning and soon fall nearly asleep leaning against the headboard of my bed.

Aesop sighs. "I think that's enough for tonight. You look like you need some sleep.

He stands up, carefully moving me into my bed. "I'll turn off the lights. And if you need anything, you can always come talk to me. Okay?" He smiles. "Goodnight."

The next morning, I wake up early. Aesop is sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, reading.

He notices me waking up, and looks up. He gets up from the chair and walks over to me. "Good morning. You okay? Did you get some good rest?" He sits down on my bed.

"Yeah ..." I look around. "Did Leander show up?"

Aesop shakes his head. "He hasn't come in yet. But if he does, don't worry. I'll make sure he never bothers you or hurts you again." He looked determined now. "If Leander comes in here, it won't go well for him."

I look at him. He has deep bags under his eyes. "Did you sleep?" He sighs. "Not much."

He tries to hide his exhaustion. "I just have a lot on my mind. Don't worry about me. Let's not talk about me though. I don't want you to worry about me. I have to take care of you first. That comes first, before me."

I give him a sharp look. "You need sleep. If you really want to look after me, I'll come with you to your quarters."

Aesop looks at me. "Really? You would do that?" He seems surprised. "I don't want to be a hassle though. And I don't want you to miss your classes or anything. Are you sure you want to do that?" I can see that he feels bad that I would want to stay with him, especially with how tired and exhausted he is.

"School can wait. I'll catch up, Natty will help me." I get up. "You need sleep."

Aesop sighed. "Alright. If you really don't mind then I'll let you stay with me. You're a sweet girl." He smiles, standing up as well, and then he offers me his hand. "I really do appreciate it. Come on, let's get something to eat. I still need to eat myself."

After breakfast in the Great Hall, we walk through the hallways to his quarters. Luckily we don't meet Leander.

Aesop opens the door to his quarters, holding it open for me to enter first.

"Here we are. It's a bit of a mess in here." He apologizes, as the room is very messy and stuff laying around everywhere. "I'm not the best when it comes to cleaning, but I hope it's not too bad. Sorry about the mess."

He closes the door behind me. "You can make yourself comfortable anywhere you like, really."

I roll my eyes on him. "Go to bed now. I'm okay."

"Okay. I'll go get some sleep." He goes to his bedroom, lying down and falling asleep as soon as he hit the bed. It was a long night, and he really could use a good sleep.

I grin. Then I go to his couch and sit down. I pick up an interesting-looking book from a stack of books and start reading to pass the time.

I read for a very long time. The hours pass by. The sun sets and the room is starting to get dark.

Aesop is still asleep, breathing loudly as he sleeps.

I yawn and curl up on his sofa. Then I fall asleep too.

When I wake up in the middle of the night I'm freezing. Half asleep I crawl into Aesop's bed. He sleepily wraps his arm around me, his face twisting into a soft smile. His sleep is quite deep, and he hadn't even noticed that I got into bed with him.

Aesop pulls me close into his arms. It was obvious from his sleep that his arm wanted to be wrapped around me. We lie snuggled together in bed and sleep.

Aesop's breathing is soft and steady. For the first time in a long time, he has no nightmares.

His breathing was soft and gentle, and he started subconsciously to pull me closer. I can even hear him mumble "I'll keep you safe" in his sleep – a peaceful and peaceful and quiet sleep. One that he hasn't had in a long time.

By the time Aesop wakes up, it was already a sunny day. The birds were chirping, the trees were blowing in the wind, and the sky was a bright blue. He stays still, feels my body next to him and feels his hand on my skin.

Then he looks at me. He smiles and put his hand on me gently. "Good morning. Did you sleep well?"

I mumble something in my sleep, open my eyes and stretch. I slept better than I have in a long time.

Aesop laughs. "That's good. Please let me know if I can do anything to help... I'd hate for you to be uncomfortable here. Do you want anything for breakfast? Are you hungry?"

On the way to the Great Hall, we bump into the person I least wanted to see.

Aesop's face changes to one of worry and concern.

"Leander. What do you want." Aesop is quite serious, and he isn't in a very good mood. He was hungry and just wants to get breakfast, but now this.

Leander approaches us. He stops a few meters in front of us. His eyes are on me.

Aesop is annoyed. "What do you want. I don't want to deal with you and your games right now. So just spit it out and leave her alone. And you better leave her alone." Even though he doesn't want to fight, it is clearly on his mind now.

He takes a step towards Leander, his eyes widening slightly. "Or else there will be consequences."

Leander grins provocatively at him. "You know I won't get in trouble ... Sir."

Aesop is obviously beyond annoyed at this point. He moves forward again. "Leave. Now." His tone is cold. He tries his hardest to not lash out. "Don't you dare try to talk to her again, or I will make sure you get punished."

Leander calmly replies: "You won't do anything. The last time it didn't work either."

He just watches him, Aesop's lip curling with anger. He clenches his fists at his side, taking a few deep breaths to calm down.

"Leander. Leave. Now." He is trying not to say something he'd regret. But he is angry, and it was visible.

Leander raises his hand. It looks like he's about to hit Aesop.

I rush between them, trying to stop them before it gets physical. "No, Leander-" Then his punch hits me right in the face. Everything goes black and I faint.

Aesop catches me before I hit the ground. "What the hell!" He yelled, his voice angry. He looks at Leander, a look of fury on his face. "You ... do this again. I swear, Leander. You're not going to like it."

Aesop immediately picks me up, holding me closely while he begins to walk to the infirmary as fast as he could. He would get me there, and he'd get me healed up. But then he is going to deal with Leander. He had gone too far now, and it was time for Aesop to stop him.

When I wake up, I'm lying in a bed. I look around and recognize the infirmary. Nurse Blainey is busy moving from bed to bed.

Aesop sits beside me, his hand on mine gently. He stayed up all night with me, and he looks tired, but he stayed to make sure I would be okay.

"Are you feeling better? Did they give you pain meds?" He looks worried and not being able to sleep all night, staying up with me instead. "How are you feeling? Is anything still hurting?"

I feel like I've been hit by a carriage. "What happened?"

"Leander happened." Aesop's tone is cold, and it is filled with anger in every word. "He hit you. I'm not going to let him hurt you like that ever again. No one should be getting hurt in this school, ever."

He squeezes my hand. "I have already reported to Headmaster Black. Leander is already expelled from school." He sighs. "Finally. I don't have to worry about him hurting anyone else anymore. I'm glad they did something."

He took a breath, and his face relaxed. "Do you want anything? Anything to eat or anything like that?"

I grin. "Fancy a game of chess?" Aesop nods, a smile on his face. "Sure, I could go for some chess I suppose."

He gets up to get the board, and then he set it down in front of me. "How about I give you three extra pawns? Aesop chuckles, and he leaned up against the bed. "How's that sound?"

I shake my head. "I want to win fair."

"Then, no extra pieces." He chuckles again, and then he set up the board. "Alright then, you go first." He waits for my first move.

We play for hours. Time flies by. Eventually, the sun sets behind the mountains around Hogwarts and it becomes dark. Only the moon hangs in the sky.

We move through the game, each of us making our moves, and each trying to outwit and outthink the other.

And then I make my last move. "Checkmate!!!" I grin at Aesop. He stares at me in disbelief. He is shocked, almost looking speechless. His mind is blown. I actually beat him, the great chess champion himself.

"You really did it ... I can't believe it." He shakes his head, shocked. "Well played. You beat me fair and square." He claps his hands together in applause. "I think you deserve something for that."

"How about a kiss?" I grin.

He thinks about it for a second, and then he chuckles. "Alright. But only because you won."

He leans in to me and gently kisses me on the lips. It was a warm kiss, and his eyes were smiling as he did so. "You have me all figured out."

[dracarialove]

📄 F it, I'm posting my finished fics here, too 📄

Heartfelt Holidays

*Check the 'heartfelt holidays' tag if you haven't read chapter 1

[Chapter 6: Christmas at Sonic's]

Sonic invites his friends over to swap gifts on a cold winter day, participating in a tradition of sharing kindness with the people he likes most.

December was a cold month, pelting strong, crisp gusts of wind against the rounded clay walls of Vanilla's home. The chilled air kept her guests inside, Sonic and his friends sitting about the living room with cups of tea and plates of baked snacks.

"Thanks for letting us stay a while, Vanilla," said the Blue Blur, lounging in a recliner and idly twirling a ring-shaped cookie around his finger. "It sure beats being out there."

"Of course, dear," the kind woman replied. "Hopefully the breeze doesn't become too harsh."

She looked out the window and took a sip of her tea, gazing at the few flittering leaves that still clung to the trees' outstretched branches – the wind came in bursts, but the clear sky wasn't yet dropping snow on them.

Tails spoke up while inching closer to the burning fireplace, "At least we have shelter and warmth; but, you know, some people love this kind of weather! I've heard there are humans who've made special traditions for the cold season."

"Oh yeah!" Amy chirped, as if she'd just been reminded of something forgotten. "They give each other presents, right?"

"Yeah, usually," answered Tails. "There are different traditions, I think... but I've heard one of them is called Christmas."

Sonic took a bite of his cookie and leaned forward in his chair when the fox added, "I might have a book about it somewhere."

"Sounds awesome!" he blurted, dropping crumbs onto the plate in his lap. "We should do something like that!"

Amy looked over at him and agreed excitedly, "I think so, too!"

Knuckles, who had situated himself on the floor between Sonic's and Amy's seats, spoke up, "Sonic should throw this party." He turned to his speedy friend and smiled. "You've been going to all these events hosted by other people – so it's your turn, now, right?"

The hedgehog grinned back. "Sure! As long as I don't have to invite a bunch of people. You know my house isn't really that big. Let's say we only invite our friends."

Knuckles' posture relaxed a bit as he let out a light, relieved sigh. "Ah, so we won't have any thieves or troublemakers showing up. I like the sound of that!"

"Hm, well..." Sonic started, cupping his chin in contemplation. "If you're talking about Rouge and Shadow... I'd consider them friends! Omega, too!"

Both Knuckles and Amy exclaimed, "What?!" and stared at their companion with perplexion.

He rubbed the back of his head and changed his expression to one of awkward defensiveness. "I mean... they've helped keep the world safe, right? They deserve some kindness."

Amy's gaze was uneasy, and Knuckles crossed his arms at the sentiment; but it was Cream who expressed what they were thinking. "Are you sure they would be nice guests, Sonic? I'm afraid they won't like being there."

"Yeah..." Amy cut in. "This isn't like Valentine's Day; it's bigger than that. And even I was kind of glad that Shadow didn't show to my party. Plus, I think Rouge stole some of the snacks I put out that day!"

"W-well, those were for anyone to have, right?" replied Sonic, once again awkward and scratching his head. He took a quick second to think, then grinned again and snapped his fingers as a solution came to him. "They might not be the warmest people, but I'll bet I can at least get Rouge to understand what the season's all about. And she might even be able to convince Shadow to chill out, for once! If she can't..." He shrugged. "... he doesn't have to go."

After a quiet moment, Tails smiled hopefully and said, "I trust you, Sonic. I think it'll be a great time with you as our host."

Picking up another cookie, the speedster glanced between all of them. "Don't you guys worry about a thing – I've got this."

The rest of the group also exchanged looks, silently agreeing that they would leave the planning to Sonic and have faith in his efforts to throw a fun party for everyone.

***

After the hefty winds died down, Sonic and his friends left Vanilla's home, parting ways to spend the rest of their day on their own activities. Since he now had an event to prepare for, the blue hedgehog decided his best first step would be to talk to Rouge.

He traveled into the city as the late afternoon sky darkened a bit, transitioning into early evening and bringing more guests to the bat's business. Walking through the casino lobby, he weaved around patrons and looked for Rouge, eventually spotting her at the bar.

She was resting on a stool with one leg crossed over the other, her back to the big wooden surface, her elbows planted on the bar top, and a glass of something in her hand.

Her attention was on the bartender – who seemed to be holding a conversation with the charming woman – while Sonic made his way over.

"Heya, Rouge!" the young hero said, loudly enough to be heard over the music, and threw himself energetically onto the seat next to her.

She startled slightly, her teal gaze snapping towards him as her mouth hung open to pull in a soft gasp. Her expression relaxed when she saw his charismatic smile. "Oh, Sonic, what a surprise! Did the cold push you in here?"

"Nah," he said, swatting the air with one hand. "I came to visit you! Got some news for ya."

"Ah, let me get you a drink, first," the pretty bat insisted, turning to the tender. "Something light for our hero, here."

Sonic raised one brow, his witty smile sticking. "On the house? How much is that gonna cost you?"

She shrugged, letting her eyes close in a confident expression. "Nothing, really. The light stuff is cheap, but I'll spare a friend a few rings' worth for a nip."

A small opaque bottle thunked against the wood as it was placed in front of Sonic, soon being wrapped in the hedgehog's gloved grip. "Heh, still – that's thoughtful of you. And speaking of us being friends, I wanted to invite you to a little holiday party I'm throwing at my place."

"Really?" Rouge asked, eyelids raising in fascination at the hearty first swig he took from the bottle. "What's the occasion?"

"Something called Christmas. Tails was talking about it... you give each other gifts, and really just hang around the people you like. So, it won't be anything huge, but I thought it was only fair to invite you since you invited me to your party."

"Hmm... well, I do love receiving gifts," she conceded. "Alright, I'll go. What about-"

"Omega and Shadow are invited too," he interrupted, "but... it's supposed to be, like, a peaceful holiday. So-"

"Shadow will have to behave?" she interrupted back, smirking playfully.

Sonic nodded. "If he decides to go at all, that is. Maybe you could...?"

He gestured towards her, grinning again and making her chuckle. Then, she gave him a wink and said, "Can't make any promises, but I'll see what I can do. If I can't convince Shadow, I'll still bring Omega."

"Nice!" He sat up straight and took another drink, then looked around the lobby. "You know, I'm glad this place gets such good business. You run it really well."

"Aw, thanks, Big Blue," Rouge responded, then took a sip from her own glass.

They chatted a bit longer, until Sonic's drink was empty, then he said his goodbye and left her to talk over the invitation with Shadow. He stepped out onto the downtown sidewalk and breathed in the cold air, thinking about the list of things he'd need to put together in preparation for the party.

In the hidden top floor of Club Rouge, the darker hedgehog stood staring at his golden wristwatch, making a mental note of the time and the rising number of patrons that came with it. With the evening crowd entering the building at a faster pace than they were leaving, he made his decision to vacate the club soon.

When his eyes left the watch, they landed on Rouge's empty bed, resting against the wall on the opposite side of the small room. Her blanket was tossed aside, bunched up near the foot of the bed, and the pillow laid slightly askew – and, strangely, Shadow felt the urge to tidy it.

For a moment, he held back, arguing with himself that she could straighten her own quarters; but it was oddly bothersome, and compounded with the fact that she had let him stay there regularly since the night they...

He shook the thought away and approached the disorganized bed. His partner wasn't around to see his thoughtful gesture, anyway, so what would it hurt if he fixed something that was out of place?

Steady hands straightened the blanket along the mattress, then smoothed out the creases. He grabbed the pillow to align it, then noticed that it was fairly lumpy in places.

How could Rouge – as particular as she was about the immaculateness of her possessions – stand to lay her head on such an uneven surface?

Shadow lifted the pillow, intent on fluffing it for her, but paused when he saw the glittering stone that'd been lying underneath. Shining shades of purple gleamed along angular edges; the Chaos Emerald he'd gifted her sitting pretty on its side.

It rested in a little divot, likely pressed into the mattress by the weight of Rouge sleeping on top of it. Involuntarily, the hedgehog's mouth curled into a warm smile, and he fluffed the pillow diligently before replacing it over the Emerald.

A moment later, he heard the creak of the wooden hatch door being pushed open, and his attention was drawn to the winged club owner entering her room.

"Oh, good, you're awake," she started, her glossed lips carrying a dazzling smile as she walked up to the stolid being. Turquoise eyes glanced down his form briefly before she asked, "On your way out?"

Shadow nodded; his smile having calmed into a more subtle curve. "You know I'd rather not be here when your customers start to get rowdy."

"I know," replied the woman, playfully rolling her eyes as one hand drifted to grip her hip. "It's a routine at this point. But, hey, before you go, I did want to bring something up..."

She expected a reaction – a change in his demeanor, the disappearance of his calm smile, maybe even a scoff – but Shadow only stood and listened, waiting for her to finish her thought. "It's... well, it's another holiday... thing."

"Uh huh?" Shadow nodded again, his smile slowly fading this time into a more neutral expression.

Rouge chuckled awkwardly. "Not my most graceful start... hell, I'll just say it: Sonic is hosting a party at his house in about a week, and he invited us to stop by. Shocking, I know, but he says it's a tradition to give gifts and show kindness, so he's including us if we want to attend."

She slowed her cadence a bit, speaking more gently after getting past the most important part. "It'll be small, he said, so I'm interested in getting a gift and seeing what this celebration's all about."

At first, Shadow didn't respond, then shifted his body language as if he were about to decline. Though, he paused and took a moment to think; one that lasted too long for Rouge's patience, so she spoke again. "I'll be bringing Omega, but... it's fine if you don't want to go."

His crimson eyes drew back up to her face, a bit surprised that she was offering him a choice to avoid the festivity. Her mature, pleasant tone continued as she added, "It's supposed to be a peaceful holiday. And if you think you can't get along with Sonic or... the rest of them... for a few hours, then it would be against the caring spirit of this season to force you."

She gave the hedgehog a kind, knowing smile, and he felt the sincerity behind her words. It made his own smile reappear, and Shadow's smooth, deep voice matched the calmness of her timbre. "I will consider it, while I'm gone and have some time to think. But don't get your hopes up."

A faint smirk played at the corner of Rouge's lips while she dragged one index finger in a cross formation over her heart, silently promising not to expect the answer she wanted.

In return, her teammate exhaled through his nose in a soft laugh, then stepped towards the treasure hunter and smoothly wrapped his arms around her waist until he was gingerly gripping her back.

Her smirk quickly dropped and bright eyes widened in surprise. His cheek brushed against hers, and he closed his eyes to savor the rare instance when he felt strongly enough to act on the fondness he possessed for his truest friend.

The unexpected hug was Shadow's first unprompted show of affection since their kiss on the moonlit rooftop – and it left the bat charmed and blushing. She returned the hug and gave his back a firmer squeeze than the tender embrace he held.

Then, the space between them grew, and Shadow's arms slipped backwards until he was no longer holding her. There were no words between the two before he left her establishment; none were needed when they knew exactly how the other felt.

There was only a long, endearing glance and serene smiles spreading across their muzzles, until the hedgehog disappeared from Rouge's sight through the hatch's opening.

***

The day of Sonic's party closed in over the course of a week, giving his invitees time to find gifts for each other while the blue hero decorated his house with strings of white lights, lining them along the top edge of his home's sky-colored walls.

He'd also picked out a present for each of his friends – even the ones who might not show – which he laid neatly on a square-shaped table in the corner of the living room.

And on Christmas Day, he set up a smaller table for snacking, where he put together plates of cheese and crackers; tea sandwiches; a few different types of sodas; and, of course, a stack of chilidogs. He was putting a CD of angelic instrumental music into the stereo when he heard the first knock on his door.

"Welcome, winter wanderers!" he greeted, his smile wide as he looked upon his dearest companions.

Tails, Amy, Cream, and Vanilla were the first ones to arrive – with their larger friend, Big the Cat, following behind – all wearing something warm to combat the lowering temperature, and three of them carrying colorful boxes.

Cream had Cheese wrapped in a small blanket and was cradling them closely to her fluffy sweater. The weather wasn't too frightful, but the afternoon sky was darker than usual, and Sonic could feel a chill lingering through the entrance.

He opened the door more and beckoned them inside. "Get in here before the cold bites ya!"

"Pretty lights, Sonic!" Cream piped as they walked in, her head tilted upwards and brown eyes shimmering.

"Thanks!" He closed the door once Big managed to squeeze through. "Sorry I don't have a fancy fireplace, or anything. Hope it's warm enough in here for all of you."

Amy turned around, her white scarf flowing to one side, and said, "It feels just fine! Here – my present."

She held out the purple box, which bore a big pink bow, and Sonic smiled as he took it in both hands. His grateful expression made her blush, and she said sweetly, "I didn't know if you'd wanna open it now."

The speedy hedgehog looked up at her and responded, "We'll do gifts a little later, once everyone's here. I don't want anyone to miss out!"

Amy watched as he walked towards the table in the corner, his confident voice announcing, "You guys can put all the presents here, for now."

Their boxes joined the ones Sonic had prepared while another few knocks rapped on the door, heavier this time. His spirits rose as he strolled over to open it, being met with Knuckles; who had thrown a thick green beanie over his head.

"Hey, Knux, come on in! That's half of the guests already – can't wait to see everyone in the same room."

His excitement was palpable, his grin growing and his posture so proud that he looked an inch taller. When Knuckles walked in and trailed his eyes over to the gift table, his own posture slumped a little, and guilt entered his expression. "Oh, Sonic, I... I forgot I was supposed to bring something."

Sonic looked at the table, then back to his friend, his smile never changing. "That's okay, man." He threw an arm around the echidna and walked with him towards the rest of the group, who were getting comfortable on the couch and in collapsible chairs. "We're just happy to have you here. Take a load off!"

Knuckles' face brightened and he took a seat on the sofa next to Cream and her mother. They all settled in to play a card game and have some snacks, erecting a table in the center of the circle before Sonic dealt out the deck. The friendly competition among the group heated up as the game went on, and a little while later, two more guests arrived.

"Hello, Sonic," greeted Blaze, standing next to Silver and holding two small gold-and-blue striped boxes.

"Blaze, Silver!" he said back, exuberant and letting them in quickly. He didn't manage to fully close the door before the presents were taken from the cat's hands by Silver and handed to Sonic.

"When do we exchange gifts?" he asked, his yellow eyes glimmering happily.

Sonic chuckled and accepted the boxes. "A little later. I'll just put these with the rest."

"Oh," Silver started, noticing the corner table while Blaze joined the others. "No, please, allow me."

A bright blue aura formed around the little boxes and lifted them from Sonic's hands, then floated over to the table with the rest of the presents. The young host offered for the pair to join their card game; and when Silver turned to do just that, Sonic attempted to properly close the front door.

But the wooden slab thumped against something solid and refused to move further, which made him open it again. Towering over the hedgehog was E-123 Omega. His robotic hand pulled back from where it had halted the door, and his monotone voice soon followed the action.

"GREETINGS, SONIC. I UNDERSTAND WE HAVE RECEIVED INVITATION TO ATTEND A FESTIVITY AT YOUR LOCATION."

"Heh, you got it, Omega," he answered, amused. "That must mean Rouge is right behind you."

"Hey, Blue," said the bat, peering around Omega's form as he turned to let her pass. She was wearing a plum-colored overcoat and clutching a red box in her arms. "Let us in already, would ya?"

"Of course!" he piped, faintly sheepish at his hesitance to invite them inside.

Just before he moved to allow them room, he spotted Shadow standing behind Rouge and Omega, looking off to the side with a neutral expression.

Although he was partly grateful for the sight, he also felt a shallow drop in his stomach; but a bit of nerves wouldn't be enough to stop the friendly man from letting them join the party.

Rouge handed off the gift as they walked in, letting Sonic take care of it while she began removing her coat. Omega's metal frame thankfully fit through the doorway, but the blue hedgehog was glad he hadn't invited anyone else as he glanced over the guests filling most of his small living room.

He gave Shadow a smile in a show of good will, but it wasn't returned, and he was ignored instead. The dark speedster didn't even look at him, although Sonic preferred that over a sneer or an insult. He supposed it was Shadow's way of being civil.

Closing the door once more, the host placed Team Dark's present with the rest while addressing the invitees. "Now that everyone's here, we can start the gift exchange soon!" He turned to his newest guests and added, "Find yourselves a comfy spot and then I'll get to passing around the boxes."

Rouge nodded in acknowledgement and the three of them joined the large group of friends all gathered in the center of the room, settling themselves so that the treasure hunter rested on Omega's flattened palm while he and Shadow sat on the floor.

The chattering attendees talked amongst themselves and Sonic looked over the presents, preparing to gather them up; then, he heard an unexpected knock on the door.

Puzzled, he tried to think of who it could be. He hadn't invited anyone else, and his home was nearly at capacity. But he answered the door, confused and surprised to see Team Chaotix on the other side.

"Hey, Sonic!" Vector belted. "We heard through the grapevine that you were havin' a party! Hope all the snacks aren't gone yet!"

The crocodile started to walk in, coaxing Sonic to shift aside while he struggled to figure out what he wanted to say – and while the host was attempting the start of his sentence, Vector held up a yellow box with red ribbon.

"Don't worry, we all brought gifts!" he said with a toothy smile. "That's the theme here, right?"

"Uhh-" Sonic tried to protest, but felt bad about doing so.

He let the detectives in, worrying over the lack of space, and closed the door for the final time. His living room was packed with their arrival, but he didn't want to ruin the night by kicking them out; and they had brought gifts with them, each member of the team carrying their own colored box.

Espio turned to Sonic and asked, "Where should we put these?"

Before the hedgehog could point to the table behind them, Charmy shook his gift and interrupted, "We couldn't get presents for everybody, so these are for whoever wants 'em!"

"Oh, um..." The green-eyed hero switched his gaze to the table they'd set up for their card game, noticing that the others had cleared it off, and decided that was a better spot for the ownerless parcels. "Over there is fine, in the middle of the group. I'll be handing out all the gifts here in a sec, but... sorry, I don't have any for you guys."

"That's alright!" replied Vector, clapping Sonic on the back. "We're mostly here for the camaraderie and the food, right, boys?"

Charmy exclaimed, "Right!" while Espio gave a single nod, then the three of them added to the cluster of people and left their boxes on the empty table. Sonic took a breath and quickly gathered himself to scoop up some of the gifts his guests had brought, passing them out based on who they were addressed to.

"We'll do the special ones first," he explained, humbly glazing over his boxes which remained on the table.

And once the initial presents were doled out, he handed the Chaotix' gifts over to Knuckles, Amy, and Rouge – letting them be the ones to open and announce the mystery items after the personalized surprises were revealed.

Wrapping paper started to crinkle as most of the group began tearing it off. The host himself first opened the blue and yellow present he'd gotten from Blaze and Silver, his eyes glancing over at the identical one they'd given Tails.

From the small boxes, the pair pulled flat silver medallions that hung on a thin chain, each bearing the shape of half a Chaos Emerald. The fox's blue gaze brightened when Sonic held up his half, and the two shared a smile before the hedgehog looked over at his futuristic friends.

Recognizing them as the gift-givers from Sonic's cue, Tails spoke to Silver and Blaze, "Is this a set of one of those friend necklaces?"

The princess nodded and smiled as she continued peeling paper from her present, while Silver answered, "They're best friend necklaces! We thought it fit you guys perfectly."

"Thanks!" beamed Tails, happily knocking his shoes together and lifting the jewelry for a better look.

Rouge leaned towards the cat – who'd gotten the red wrapping off and was removing tape from the box's flaps – and said in a leading tone, "Those are some shiny pieces of metal you got for the boys. I might be a bit jealous! But I hope you like the one I got for you."

She straightened her posture as Blaze made eye contact, the bat's expression turning cheeky while she primped one of her curls. Curious, the fire-user opened the box and asked, "So you got this for me? Strange, I wouldn't expect a gift from you."

Inside the abundance of tissue paper was a large, heavy hairclip in the shape of a crown, colored gold and stamped with a ruby decal. Blaze's eyes widened a bit as she took in the nature of the present, feeling the heft in her hand while still taken slightly aback that Rouge had gotten her something.

The jewel thief took it upon herself to fill the silence between them, claiming, "It's just something I saw, and I thought it looked pretty. Then I thought, 'Who could even use such a thing?' And you were the lucky winner on that one, Blaze."

"Ah, well, thank you," she replied, smiling softly to show appreciation for the gesture.

Once Tails had hooked the silver emerald's chain around his neck, he looked towards Cream sitting on the couch; she and Cheese were working together on opening their gift, one which was hugged by pastel green paper and topped with a shiny red stick-on bow.

His smile grew knowing what was inside, and how likely they both were to utilize it, even after Christmas. As they took off the last bit of wrapping, he leaned forward and told Cream, "That one's from me!"

"Thank you, Tails!" she said back through a cute grin, then opened the box and picked up a deep-red stocking with designs of snowflakes and stars in white and gold colors. "Wow, it's so pretty!"

"Chao!" Cheese blurted, then dove into the opening and claimed the stocking as a sleeping bag.

Amy and Sonic giggled at the Chao's excitement before the pink hedgehog turned to her crush. "Sonic, I can't wait any longer for you to open my present!"

"Oh, right!" he said, grabbing up the purple box that'd been sitting on his lap. He ripped off the bow and the wrapping in three easy swipes, then popped open the cardboard flaps. "Woah!"

The hero was quick to pull the radar gun from its containment, noting its high-tech design and bold blue coloring. Amy said, "Tails helped to make it so it could detect super high speeds – even yours."

She gave the fox a wink of shared success while Sonic turned on the device and marveled at the interface; which was interactable and also seemed to be capable of playing music. "This is cool! Thanks, guys!"

On the other side of the circle, Silver was unveiling his gift from Cream and her mother: a framed photo of their group, containing most of the friends he'd gotten to know since meeting Sonic.

Vanilla noticed the slight sparkle in his eyes that suggested he was close to tearing up, and so she explained in her calm, polite tone, "It's been a while since you've had something to take back to your time. My Cream thought you would like something nice and new to remember us all by once you return to the future."

Cream gave the white hedgehog a wide smile and received one from him, as well, while he clutched the frame close to his chest. "I love it!"

With the first batch of personalized gifts opened, Sonic began gathering up the paper that'd found its place on the carpeted floor. He threw the scraps into a trash bag while announcing, "Alright, guys, now let's see what the Chaotix brought for us."

"We didn't pick them out for anyone specific," Vector added, "so don't everybody clammer to take 'em home all at once!"

He said as much, but the crocodile was secretly hoping that his matronly crush would want to take home the present he'd donated. Though, he already had to make peace with her overwhelming politeness to let someone else have it.

Amy, Rouge, and Knuckles pulled the different colored papers off the different sized boxes and opened them around the same time, calling out what each gift was and holding them up for the group to see.

Knuckles declared first, "This one looks like a music player," as he showed Vector's item. A number of people around the circle exclaimed softly with interest before Rouge reported her find with a touch of detachment.

"Action figures?" she said, tilting the box to display a collection of humanoid figurines. "Or... dolls? Whatever these are."

With a few chuckles and murmurs, everyone could guess it was Charmy's submission, so that left Amy to announce Espio's offering. She read the writing on the clear square-shaped case, "A CD mix of music for meditation."

A couple of nods showed a possible desire for his gift, and the small crowd soon filtered more closely together to decide who would get the extra presents.

Some who weren't interested took the opportunity to get a snack while Sonic cleaned up the last of the wrapping paper and collected his own boxed items from the corner table.

In the end, the attendees decided to let Big have the meditation mix, feeling it might get the most use during his fishing sessions; Tails and Cream split the action figures, choosing the ones they each liked; and, after a round of light debate, they ultimately conceded that Amy had the strongest library of tunes and deserved the music player the most.

"Alright, my friends," Sonic started, ramping up his host energy as he held the gifts he'd gotten, "I've got a present for – almost – everyone here, and hopefully they're just as good as all of yours!"

Most of his guests squirmed with anticipation as he started handing out boxes, though his darkest attendee blatantly rolled crimson eyes at the Blue Blur's modesty.

Shadow had been entirely silent during his time there, simply sitting with his arms crossed and watching everyone else, receiving brief glances from Rouge to make sure he wasn't brooding too much. But he thought he'd carried himself well enough so far, even after cementing the holiday as yet another pointless one in his mind.

When Sonic passed by their group and held out their presents, he outstretched one hand and let the host's humble donation fall into his palm. It was a tiny box compared to some of the others, wrapped in simple black paper and nothing else.

So, while not impressive in the slightest, it did make the Ultimate Lifeform wonder what his cheery rival thought a good gift was for someone who hadn't a need for nearly anything.

He unwrapped it before Sonic could finish handing out the presents, flicking aside the flimsy paper and staring down at a square-shaped slab of silver.

It was engraved with the image of a daffodil, the grooves of which shined when light passed over them; and when Shadow turned it over in his hand, he saw a split down one side of the metal. Still skeptical, he pried apart the magnetized halves, then was shocked by the picture inside of what he now recognized as a locket.

His eyes widened as he looked down at an old photo of Maria Robotnik, smiling at an angle that suggested it might've been taken by Professor Gerald. It was small in the locket and tiny in his hand, but Shadow felt the emotional weight of the gift growing – and it gave him questions.

"Where did you get this?" he asked, suddenly enough that it caught the attention of everyone around him. He looked up at Sonic, his brows furrowed again, and the accusatory tone of his voice hung in the air while the blue speedster paused.

"Oh, uh... let's just say you'd be surprised at the stuff Eggman held onto," he answered, grinning before turning to give out the last of the boxes.

The sound of ripped wrapping paper started up again and Shadow's eyes fell back onto the locket. Rouge leaned over to him while opening her gift and commented, "What a sentimental present. I guess Sonic knows you better than you expected."

He gave her a quick frown, then sat quietly thinking while the rest of the group gushed over their presents from Sonic. Knuckles received a squishy replica of the Master Emerald; one that fit in his hand, being dubbed a stress-emerald by his green-eyed friend.

"When you're feeling quick-tempered, give it a few squeezes," he explained. "It might help dissolve some of that stress you're always carrying around."

The echidna wanted to refute his assumption, but gripped the emerald instead and let it be. He could afford to give it a try, at least. Amy's voice pierced the living room in excitement as she pulled a porcelain rose from the pink-and-red box. Its smooth petals were also colored red and pink, and the base was wide enough for it to stand on its own.

"Oh, it's so beautiful!" she beamed, running her fingers over the flower. "Thank you, Sonic, it's the best present ever!"

"Heh, you're welcome," he replied, happy to see her so excited.

For Tails, he'd gotten a new gadget to enhance the speed of his plane – something Sonic didn't know much about, but he was confident the smart kid would find a way to install it.

Cream, Vanilla, and Cheese shared their gift, which was a box full of chocolate oranges; special treats that were only available during the winter season.

Big was more than happy to have been given a handful of brand-new fishing lures, instantly bringing out his tackle box to organize them with the others.

And the next person to fill the room with their voice was Rouge, dramatically gasping while she held up a bracelet. It was colored gold and encrusted with diamonds, seemingly real from the way they shimmered at every angle.

"Sonic! My goodness, wherever did you get a diamond bracelet?!" She hooked it around one wrist and flaunted her hand in the air, looking over at the Blue Blur.

He hesitated, then gave her a sly smirk. "You know, I'd rather keep that a secret. I think it's more special that way."

One of her brows lowered as she smirked back. "Fine! I'll just have to assume you went to great lengths for it."

Sonic chuckled and sat back in his chair, watching with a warm smile while the rest of his guests finished opening their gifts. He'd gotten Silver a specially crafted medallion with his signature colors, declaring the hedgehog an "expert time-traveler" and "savior of the future."

Blaze received a small statue of a phoenix, resembling her flame powers and her ability to come out on top in even the toughest battles. And finally, he gave Omega a stack of blow-up balloons plastered with a cartoonish decal of Eggman's face.

When the robot stared his way – in what could be considered confusion – Sonic sheepishly claimed, "Sorry, I had a bit of a tough time finding something for ya. But I thought you might at least enjoy destroying something with Eggman's ugly mug on it. You could blow up the balloons and then blow 'em up, you know?"

Rouge jumped in with, "It's a nice gesture," and patted Omega's headcap, which coaxed him to express appreciation for the present.

The group mingled for a while and finished off the snacks, dealing out another round of the card game they'd previously been playing. And as the evening drew on, it eventually got cold enough outside to start snowing.

Sonic noticed the small white flakes falling in front of his window and thought of how cozy it felt to have so many of his friends in one place. After a while, they started to tire of the party, and began filtering out with their presents in-hand.

The heroic host stood by his front door and saw out every one of them, saying his goodbyes as each of his guests left – but he stopped Team Dark for a more sincere farewell.

"Hey, before you guys go, I wanted to especially thank you for showing up." He spoke mostly to Rouge, but the other two heard his sentiment just as well. "It wouldn't have been the same without you three."

Behind his teammates, Shadow rolled his eyes again, while Omega said, "THANKS UNNECESSARY."

Rouge threw on her coat and countered, "Don't mind them. They won't admit it, but we all had a good time."

Sonic gave their group a nod and let them out the door, followed by the Chaotix and Vector speaking up, "Nice party, Sonic! We should make this a yearly thing!"

"Heh, I don't know about that, Vex! But I appreciate you stopping by."

Charmy chimed, "It was fun!" and floated out behind Vector.

Being the last one out the door, Espio stopped briefly and offered his hand for the hedgehog to shake. "This evening was one to remember – you were a gracious host."

"Hey, thanks," replied Sonic, his smile widening.

Espio's compliment made him feel the warmest as he watched his friends leave. And once he closed the door, he couldn't help but swell with contentment and grin to himself as he fully understood why the humans celebrated such a tradition.

[his-saiko]

The Summoning

— You Got Me

"You got my body, flesh and bone. The sky above, the earth below."

You weren't supposed to be anywhere near this man's path. But there was something about you that seems so compelling. Curiosity? Lust? Threat? He just has to know. Whatever it is, there's one thing he is definitely set on. He wants you and he's not so easily distracted from that goal.

— Hawks(?) x f!oc/reader. Strangers? Friends?

C/Tw. themes of harm, intrusive thoughts [All possible triggering content will be enclosed in !'s]

1.3k+

You haven't really gone out much after that. You stocked up on your food at least, so you haven't had an excuse to go out at all.

You don't need a mirror to see it. How you look now would make anyone worry but you haven't really reconnected to any of your friends then. You're alone.

"What am I doing here?" You lay your head on your desk. Your eyes fall on the feather Hawks gave you. "Hero...?" You wipe your eyes and laugh to yourself. "This is stupid." You trail your finger on the feather. "I guess you're all I got here, Red." "It's not enough." "I guess it's better if people don't see me falling apart like this, but it's so hard. I don't know what to do." You hold on to the feather tight. "Why can't I be like anyone else?"

You jump when you hear a knock on the door. "Miss?"

"Hero?" You peek out and see Hawks in front of the door.

"Hey." Hawks greets you. "Haven't seen you in a while."

"What?" You open the door. "No. I didn't call."

"Ah. Someone else contacted the authorities. A welfare check, I think."

"Has it been that long?" You grip the feather you are hiding behind your back.

Hawks smiles but he seems to be worried about something.

"I'm— You can tell the neighbours that I'm okay. I just haven't found the time to go out lately that's all. I didn't mean to worry people." You lower your gaze.

"You need a reason to go out?"

"Huh?"

"Well, maybe you can shadow the sidekicks for a day while I do some work."

"You mean you want me to help your people chase after you while you go around helping everyone else."

"Hey, come on. I got wings might as well use them, right?"

You almost laugh. "Hawks, I'm just a civilian. I don't think I can be any help to sidekicks."

"C'mon. You seem to have a good quirk."

"My quirk?"

"You use it as a defense and offense, right?"

"I— I don't know. I don't know much about my own quirk. It seemed to have manifested pretty late. So it's not even in the system."

"Do you need help with it?"

"Hmm? Oh... I guess... But I'm not really sure if I'm comfortable showing people my quirk... I've gotten so used to hiding it that I think it's better off if no one knows about it."

"How about this? I'll take you somewhere tomorrow everywhere you want but I'll take you somewhere where they'll take a look at your quirk."

You bite your lip as you think.

"I'll ask for them to take precautions that way you don't have to hurt yourself or anyone. They might even help you with what to do with your quirk."

"I never thought that you're the type to invest in anyone in particular — just for the greater good." You tell him. "Why are you so concerned for me?"

"Well, let's just say it takes one to know one. I was saved by a hero. Though, indirectly but if it weren't for that I wouldn't have a chance to be a hero myself."

"What do you see in me?"

Hawks pauses. "You look like someone I knew back then."

"Right. These heroes are human too." You sigh. "You're sure that there's a way where I wouldn't hurt anyone by exploring my quirk?"

"I know people who can help. I'm sure they will help." He tries to reassure your uneasiness. Exposing your quirk isn't an easy task, especially for your mental health.

"I think I need to think about it." You answer.

"Okay, how about we exchange our numbers in case your change your mind or need anything else?"

You're not really the type to say no to many things as long as you're not being walked on. There really was no harm in getting a hero's number on your contacts. Not that you have many contacts.

"What's your name?"

"Y/n L/n."

"Well, I hope you don't mind me dropping in once in a while."

"If it's anything please, don't do it unannounced. It's hard having unexpected visitors at night while living alone."

"Noted. I'll be sure to tell you beforehand, Miss Y/n." He waves goodbye and flies off.

"Just Y/n is fine." You try to say but your reaction was slower. "No harm being called 'miss' anyway." You close the door and lock it. You let out a breath of relief that a hero was your surprise visitor. "Anyone else and I wouldn't know what to do." "Maybe burn the house down." "Fire isn't always the answer." You tell yourself.

While you have the time to actually think for yourself when you isolate yourself from the world. The thoughts just get worse and worse but even if you are out, if you're too stressed out, the thoughts would still be like this. "Damned if you do, damned if you don't." You sigh. Anything that isn't zero or a hundred felt like a distant memory. Were they even real to begin with? Or were they all a dream?

You lie down on your bed. Your thumb brushes over something and you remember you are still holding Hawks's feather. "Are you my lucky charm now, Red?" You put the feather back on your desk. You bury yourself in your covers and try to get some sleep.

You wake up with a bit of weight lifted of your shoulders. Last night, you were reminded of what people can be. Kind. You've done kind deeds yourself but that's not really the problem is it? "Why can't you be kind to yourself?" So why can't you? Isn't that why you're hear?

You push yourself of the bed and made your way to the bathroom mirror. You look at yourself and repulse. You don't recognise yourself. Has it been that long or is it that intense? You start to fill the tub with hot water and took a hot shower. You stay in the tub for a while thinking about Hawks offer.

"Can I really help people with my quirk?" "Do you really think you can help at all?" "A hero acknowledged it." "A villain acknowledged it." "I just have to try, right?" You look at your hand. Your fingers are all pruned up from all the water. "But first I need to take better care of myself at least." You drain the tub and rinse yourself with cold water.

Your mind wanders to Hawks and Dabi. It's almost as if the coincidence isn't much of a coincidence but life can't be like that, right? If it were, what did you get yourself into now?

You sigh as you open the door to leave. You really don't have a reason to go out but you have nothing else to do in your home. At least, outside, you can just buy yourself some food you've been craving for a while.

You consciously walk slower than you usually do to take your time taking in the outside world. You always see it every day — almost every day — but it feels like there are a few details that changed you just couldn't pinpoint it. Unless you're seeing things wrong which is also a possibility.

"Hey, it's been a while. The usual?"

You blink and find yourself in your favourite food stop. "Yes. Is my usual seat available too?"

"No." The server pouts a bit. "But we do have a table that's similar. I'll tell the others to clear it up for you."

You smile. "People can be kind." "Thank you."

You sit on the table you are pointed to and wait for your order. You mindlessly watch people walking by. Some seemingly having more events happening to them than others who are just living their lives every day.

And there, with no surprise, you see Hawks fly by doing his work. "'Someone I knew back then.' I wonder who it is."

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© Alfi 2023. Do not replicate.

[ina-nis]

"I want you", and yes, it is in the way how I want anyone, at any time.

No one is special because everyone is special in their own peculiar ways.

This is what drives me to people, to most people, to virtually any person, really.

Wanting them is just one of the first steps. As time passes by and I become more knowledgeable, "wanting" gets lower and lower in the list of priorities - because only wanting, only loving someone is not enough.

"This person might not be a good fit for me actually", but I keep going because there's many factors to take into consideration. Who knows, right?

The missing piece is always, always, they wanting me back. It never really happens, huh? I guess I'm not a good fit for any of them, and that's alright.

It doesn't mean I'll be stuck with someone who doesn't want me. Life goes on and I'll keep on going, too.

Everyone wants to be special, to feel special, to be pampered and loved without putting on the work and reciprocate, huh?

So you will be just another one for me, and I'll go for you, like I go for anyone, and you're going to reject my feelings and I'll say "That's fine, thank you for letting me do this" and I'll move the fuck on, like I always do.

You don't get to be that special to me, when I'm not that special to you. This is not how any of that works for me.

You don't have to return my feelings, you don't have to feel the same either. It really is fine. I just will not wait around and massage your ego for you, I deserve better than this, you know? I take my feelings and my self seriously, and I'm not willing to play these games.

That's another point for loneliness: it is quite clear and easy to comprehend, no such games and absolutely no bullshit. It hurts but me existing on my own, where I can take care of myself and provide the support I need, is more than good enough and worth it.

I'm tired of playing these games.

There's a saying that goes something like "if your presence is not sweeter than my solitude, it's not worth my time" and this is exactly how I feel.

I put myself through constant discomfort when I'm "chasing" after people and I still try to give them the benefit of the doubt even though, very early on, I can tell that's not going to work for me. I already do the best I can by trying to disarm my defenses and lower my walls.

Just to be met, over and over, with people that are a fucking waste of time and energy for me.

I really want to scream.

I know I have to either stop looking and maybe go do something else with my life (which is precisely what I'm working currently in therapy) or I need to bite the bullet and just do everything I can think of, go everywhere I could go and use all kinds of tools I can use so I'll be exposed to as many people as possible.

This is really driving me insane. There's nothing I can do on my own to soothe loneliness - and emotional loneliness at that: the type that regards family and intimate relationships. It doesn't really matter if I have a million friends and a very strong support system, I'll feel deeply lonely, suicidal and like I don't have the support I need, because these deep needs of mine are not being fulfilled.

I asked myself if that is really a need, I still ask this myself very often. I don't need a romantic partner to survive, no one really does.

Then why is this causing me so much fucking distress?

I have done everything: pets, plants, yoga, volunteering, becoming a regular somewhere, learning something new, having different hobbies, being outdoors, good sleep, good diet, and fuck, all the self-improvement and self-esteem stuff I managed to finally achieve too, I could go on and on about all the things I do to improve my life and keep myself happy.

None of those things help me feel less lonely.

None of those things decrease this suffering.

So, maybe, it is a need for me. One that I can live without. Now it's just a matter of being able to learn how to live with the pain it causes me, huh?

[bettermiya]

Hellooo if it's okay id like to request a haikyuu matchup pls- (don't mind my awkward communication skills btw)

General stuff

Im female (she/her), 17 years old, relatively short (160cm, idk what that is in feet Im European :,)) maybe 5'3??)), my parents are from West Asia (Turkey) but I was born in a german speaking country so somehow i can speak 6 languages now-

Personality

One will realize pretty fast that I am in fact not normal lmao- i'm a bit weird but i'm living for it. I'd describe myself as rather introverted though I'm not shy or timid. I just like to relax and take things slow. I'm pretty easy to talk to if I do say so myself and laid-back as well. I'm also funny apparently (my friend's opinion. Lazy too but we don't talk about that HA-)

Interests/Hobbies

If you couldn't already tell by my ability to speak a lot of languages I am really interested in them. I love to learn new stuff and expand my knowledge in general- I also LOVE listening to music (my earphones are my bebes) and sometimes drawing is pretty tempting as well. Idk why but designing/ decorating is something I tend to enjoy doing even though I don't realize it. Gardening is also a hobby of mine.

Just a few more smaller facts- My love language is quality time and I'm not overly experienced when it comes to relationships. I tend to be drawn to ppl that are open and know what they want. Confidence and loyalty are a big factor.

Thank you in case my request gets accepted <33 bye byeee~

Tsukishima Kei is surprised that he would be fascinated with you!

He's not an easy guy. The type who would retaliate with a sharp tongue before letting anyone in, but you've managed to get past his defenses. It's a combination of not pushing his limits and having the intellect to study languages, which is such a difficult subject. Tsukishima is a person who relentlessly pursues knowledge even if he hides it under such a cool façade. If he discovers that you, as unassuming as you are, can assist him in some way? Even his pride cannot keep him from asking for your assistance while his eyes are downcast, and he tugs at his fingers.

Why not? His demands are straightforward and specific. You start assisting him with his request, but you never expected to catch so much attention for it. You're beginning to see that other girls are drawn to Tsukishima by his good looks without knowing about the twisted personality hidden beneath. His interactions with Hinata and Kageyama, two of his volleyball club teammates, demonstrate his cruelty. A sharp word. A biting laugh. A taunt. Tentatively, you asked him about his personality, and he answers:

( “What gives me the right to be cruel to you? You haven't done anything, and you're helping me.” It could be a trick of the light, but he appears to be blushing into the crook of his arm.  )

His meanness, however, is directed at anyone who might criticize you. Those girls' attentions turn negative. He can easily exploit each of their insecurities. This one is far too ugly, this one is far too stupid, and this one is far too pathetic. It doesn’t matter where in the social hierarchy they are because Tsukishima is an ever-loyal attack dog. He’ll take all the heat if it means they’ll leave you alone.

One day, a girl who used to blush pretty when he was close had splashed water in his face. He didn't even blink. You dragged him to the back of the gymnasium and asked Tsukishima why he was willing to go so far for you.

This is too much.

( “You're a moron. I thought you were smarter than this… Why would someone be so protective? Because they like the other person.” )