#i mean id try so hard to be good but i suck at everything

[bluebellhairpin]

god I'd give anything to get to a point in my life where someone looks at me a thinks "that's my wife" but I know that's never going to happen.

[strawbebyjam]

need someone to take the ex RO trope away from me

[tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors]

im such a big fan of the linda public school vs homeschool debate i think its a really interesting conflict, because obviously roman was homeschooled and it wasnt really beneficial towards him (which virgil could probably sympathise with regarding all of his mortal friends being terrified of him briefly), BUT also trying to tell logan or even patton that public school is the best option for their fae child is so obviously gonna be a problem, and then even when roman saw how logan was treated he didnt see how young it started and how much it was ingrained in him that he was wrong, and virgil didnt really see any of the worst of it so trying to commicate why its such a concerning idea is going to require bringing up some unpleasant things. but ALSO linda is not logan ((is it fair projecting his experiences onto linda or by trying to protect her are they gonna cause a complex anyway where she internalises being fae is wrong?)) or roman or patton or virgil and either choice could be uniquely beneficial or damaging just based on how she responds to her environment, which is impossible to actually determine without some trial and error, and id bet good money they dont want to risk the "error" part at all

just a very cool and interesting debate i feel, i enjoy how everyone has so many reasons to be so emotionally invested

thank you so much, you get exactly the vibe i was going for. the dichotomy of roman and virgil who were so so lonely as children due to isolation, versus logan and patton who were so hurt because of bullying, putting them in two very different camps as to what's best for their kid, makes it SUCH a hard conversation to have. they pretty much start having it the moment she's born and it continues for the next two years, and its the closest to genuinely angry they ever really get with each other. because theyre all really stubborn, but they rarely disagree on something this important so vehemently.

compounded by the fact that they dont yet know if she's going to age more like a fae or a human, and that being a visibly-6yo in middle school would theoretically make that issue exponentially worse

tentatively, im thinking that she will be homeschooled until she goes to college, and also that thats kind of one of the reasons why she doesnt do as well as she hoped. she had structure (in a house full of autistic people, you bet she had structure) but also a lot of freedom over dictating that structure, and the freedom to deviate from it when she needed to (in house full of ADHD people, you bet she was allowed to go run around in the yard whenever she needed a break).

so in college the combination of 1. less structure in the sense that she has less support network and people to hold her accountable and 2. less freedom in the sense that you can leave whenever you want in college, but the class doesnt stop and wait for you to come back, means she doesnt have the skills to make it really work for herself, especially compounded with the fact that she's emotionally much less mature than her peers

and that fucking sucks, for her and for LAMP. because you can debate for years, and you can do your best, and you can do everything right, and your kid might still wind up with baggage because of something you did. something you did and believed in your heart of hearts was the best thing for them.

the world is big and full of sharp things and you cant actually wrap your kid in bubble wrap. the bubble wrap is also full of sharp things, in this metaphor that immediately ran away from me.

all you can do is just keep stocked in bandaids, and hold their hand while you put it on.

[megumi-fm]

MEG!!!! omg hii, how are you?? i missed you 💗💗

How's living abroad going? And how's the master's student life treating you?

(i saw your answer to zesty's ask, and i feel you, adulting is so hard😭 i'm trying to spend more weekends at uni city, pretending to be an adult and doing all the chores and it sucks sometimes. like, wdym i have to have ideas for different meals at least twice a day?? criminal)

AJ MY BELOVED HELLO HOW ARE YOU WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UPTO TELL ME EVERYTHING I remember you were done with your Bachelors! Are you doing your Masters right now? (Or am I remembering wrong 😓) How has everything been these past few months? Adulting is kinda hard 😩 but im rooting for you from here!! You got this!!

oh i miss you too!! Life here is interesting cause I thought Id get used to the place quick (i did my high school here) but there’s always new things I’m learning about the city and its culture. There’s also always events going on which means I’m living in perpetual fomo 😩 but it is what it is ✊

Masters has been hectic and being an adult means that you gotta regulate your routines and tasks and I’ve only gotten worse at it :/ I really need to get adhd meds but I don’t even have the time (or the executive functions) to visit my uni health clinic :// there’s only three weeks left and every week gets busier than the one before so it’s pretty scary 😭 but it’s been quite fun! the ups and downs and last minute submissions and all-nighters really make it feel like I’m in undergrad yet again 😭

the people here are wonderful! I found myself a friend group that always has my back (the more accurate wording would be that a group adopted me 😂) and I’ve also been going for Kpop dance sessions at my uni!! I can’t say I’m good at it but I enjoy dancing and I enjoy the company hehe 🤭

overall, it’s been quite a story to tell… I just wish I had a little bit more time in my hands but I’m sure that’s just a flaw in my own way of scheduling things 😓 just three more weeks and I’m done with this semester!! woohoo!!

I miss you guys!! I hope you’ve been having a wonderful time these past four months!! Sending in lots of virtual hugs!! 🥰 🥰

[fizzywashere87]

Pros and Cons of Dating Fizzy

notes: i decided to make a compare and contrast post for me?? why the fuck not cuzzos. this is some form of self advertisement and im not above it. (im off limits and a minor)

M. List

Pros:

i will be very loyal towards you

if i like you a lot, i won't get an ick -unless it's something SUPER bad but even then i tend to let red flags pass over me.

i'm a good listener when i want to be -if i rlly like you again, i would always want to be

i'd do literally anything and everything for you

id buy you gifts and pretend not to care if you didn't like it

i don't keep secrets of mine from you -unless i CANT say anything, then, sorry

you don't have to do much to gain my trust if i like you a lot -that doesn't stop intrusive thoughts.

i'll adjust to your needs after studying your behavior

i have a good memory so i'll remember certain topics you bring up -likes, dislikes, facts you share, a story you tell me about.

i'll defend you should anyone try to do or say anything bad about you -i'll throw hands for you

i am not a dry texter most of the time so you'll have an interesting convo for the most part

it doesn't take much for forgiveness if i'm rlly down bad -i don't forget tho

you get goodmorning/night texts

giving you my hairtie/bracelets and spraying perfume on it -i'll pretend not to notice if you don't wear them

A Double-Edged Sword:

i'm blunt - i could be overly blunt but at least i'll be deadass with u

ill drop my needs for yours -if you rlly care then you'd be sad abt this i think

i struggle to pick up certain implications -you can probably use that to your advantage

i've learnt to mask really well to adaptto your personality - you wont rlly know how i'm feeling unless i choose to let you know

i'm attached to you -maybe too clingy? if you tell me to fuck off i will tho

i'll take what you say literally most of the time

i'll brag to my friends about you -i might also complain if you make me sad

i put my family before you

i have a hard time saying no a lot of the times

i hold onto promises -i keep mine tho

i'm kinda stubborn

i do dangerous shit -it has the potential for entertainment but if u rlly care then the downside is that i might get hurt over a simple dare

'are you sure?' x100

i laugh at everything -you could end up thinking ur funny bc i laughed so you go retell that joke to ANYONE else and realize my humor is shit and you are not funny :|

i send you memes/videos and go 'us' -it could get annoying

i'll pester you to take care of yourself -it could get annoying. also i do not take my own advice

i can be rlly protective but not like super alpha sigma dw

i'll want to wear your hoodies/shirts

my standards are dangerously low -you don't have to do much

i put myself down a lot -this could end up funny

Cons:

at least once a week i'll ask you if you're gonna leave me

i have underlying health complications that show up at the worst times ever

i am not funny -and it's worse cuz i'll actively be trying

i'm very specific about A LOT and i'll lose my shit if my shit isn't together -yes this has potential to become your problem

i will not tell you what i need from you -i just won't. unless you pester me for way too long

i'll assume you'll leave me at some point -this is regardless to your answer to the first bullet point

i WILL complain about my day and you WILL have to listen to it -it's full of complaints and i'll only stfu if u tell me to

i'll cry over the dumbest shit -whether it's front of you depends on how close. usually early on and you'll be the cause 8/10 times

if i'm overstimulated it might be your problem

i'll get mad at you from the cause of my overthinking

i'll secretly not trust you -not for like other people i mean reassurance wise

i need constant reassurance and it might be brought up indirectly but snarkily -i'll never tell you outright

i suck at flirting and i'll run away from you

i might zone out on you during face to face convos -probably from calculating correct eye contact durations or just thinking bout you- but while you're talking so its not good

i'm kinda loud and it's worse when i'm excited -i'm quiet in the mornings tho :3

i'm a lil aggressive

i'm kinda shit at comfort and my advice may not be good advice

if i see a point/indication and i don't like it i'll ignore it because i don't want to deal with it

i want your praise/validation

i get pissed easy

i take nothing seriously

'oops'

[melloneah]

6 for geto & 22 for megumi and/or yuuji for the character ask?

HAAAAA thank u for the ask >:3333

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

i Very Rarely relate to characters in shows but i feel like geto is one of the exceptions hehehe i feel like our moral views align in a way which we both tried to believe and do what's "right" without much questioning at first and then suddenly got slapped in the face by the reality of what a 'society' entails 😀 so uh. similar thought processes and experiences during the whole ordeal of discovering the world sucks and there's no way to really fix it (without murder? dshkfsjd) him and i are one and the same minus the genocidal tendencies<33 i also feel like his personality is quite toned down and calm unless he's surrounded by people closest to him, which is very me!!!!!

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

Yuuji

hhghhgf hard question. i basically love it all but ill try to limit myself to one each

i love seeing lonely yuuji that's surrounded by people </33 in general that's such a real, painful, gorgeous, often overlooked aspect of being human, and it's often dismissed in everyday life bc 'U HAVE FRIENDS WDYM UR LONELY!' but anytime i see it written in fic the descriptions and the raw defeat and the pain just hit so hard, and it just matches the character of yuuji SO SO SO well. he's so open but he just Cant Seem To Get Close to people in Any Meaningful Way. oh my GODDDD it hurts So Bad but i adore it. it's my favourite thing to read. and special mention to loner yuuji who isnt surrounded by people too. lonely yuuji has his own reserved yuuji shaped spot in my heart

i feel like i love everything about yuuji's character so it's hard to pick a dislike 😭 i think it's more of a mischaracterisation than an authors creative choice, but i dont love it when yuuji is portrayed as sort of morally grey or slightly mean bc to me that's just not even him anymore sdjfhsdjhf yuuji is a ray of sunshine who does everything to make everyone else feel at ease!!!!!!! who r u writing bc that isnt him!!!!!

Megumi

i love it when fics make him suffer :3 as if we dont have enough of that in the manga........but i truly feel megumi's character is a great vessel to use in order to explore deeply rooted trauma, crises and complex emotions - his philosophy already illustrates that he doesnt blindly follow the objective 'good' and he doesnt see the world as black and white, which points to him generally being more self-aware and thoughtful. i feel like this translates into a sort of 'open space' in his character to freely and deeply explore for example shame, societal pressures, lived trauma, guilt or some internal struggles etc, whereas for example yuuji would probably be slightly more in denial, which would mean the thought processes described would be less direct and harder to explore deeply imo. so basically megumi is the epitome of overthinking and i like seeing him suffer over it :3

for dislikes in fic uhmmmnnmmn. id say making him too sweet/nice/open? in my mind the core of his character is that he's sorta standoffish and distant and mean lmaoo so it's strange seeing him fold immediately and be super sweet; i like seeing the gradual trust building and eventually opening up a bit but still keeping his personality!! but that's just a personal preference and actually now that i think abt it it's not that it bothers me when i see it lmaooo i just prefer the latter

ASK ME THINGS PLEASE I AM ON MY KNEES BEGGING PLEASEPLEPALEPLASEPLASEPLEASE :3

[liobi]

about that director's commentary thing

i'm curious if there's anything on that scene in the beginning of always where lappland has a weirdly charged discussion with kal'tsit in her room

Oooo, The beginning of always!

Background on this fic, I cannibalized two other WIPs that got incredibly jossed by the release of Il Siracusano (One of them a TexLappSora fic where Lappland took Popukar to a concert of her favorite idol, only to discover that under the lupo disguise, Sora was the little bunny girl whose journalist father Lappland had offed under her and Texas's boss's orders. She had let the little girl who witnessed the deed go, but their boss found out and ordered Texas to liquidate Lappland leading to her expulsion and infection). But anyways, on to the setup!

Both Lappland and Kal'tsit care deeply for the vulnerable. We see as much any time they are the focus of various events, but they go about it in different ways. Kal'tsit is methodical, scheming, and uses her long life and connections to accomplish her needs. She's got plans upon plans, irons in the fire galore, a Machiavellian master sitting atop a mountain of fallen foes and destroyed obstacles.

Lappland on the other hand is a bundle of unrestrained id, packaged and fired like a bullet on a path set by either herself or others, a genius at improvising and legitimately charismatic, if only used to get under people's skin. Lappland is the MacGyver of mob heroes. Lappland is also very consciously trying to be the opposite of her father. It's why i think under the right circumstances she'd be good with kids actually!

While she may believe that once she returns to Siracusa she will be helpless but to eventually become what she fears, in the meanwhile she is fighting tooth and nail to be kind and friendly and open to anyone that will have her (despite everyone thinking she's got sixteen layers of malicious plans and mindgames going on), but also she kinda sucks! She DOES sometimes have sixteen layers of malicious plans and mindgames going on! She CAN be mean and kinda nasty in fact she intentionally digs into people's sore spots constantly! She contains multitudes.

So with the fact that Kal'tsit and Lappland have opposite styles of operating, it's only natural that Lappland sees at least on a superficial level some similarities between Kal'tsit and her father.

Kal'tsit is also super hot and manipulative and leaves nothing to chance so!

PREAMBLE OVER, ON TO THE SCENE ITSELF

~

Lappland had no idea how much of this was actually Dr. Kal’tsit and how much was a carefully constructed facade to convince other people she was just like them.

Kal’tsit motioned across the room. “Sit where you like.”

Some small part of Lappland wondered where exactly the night would go if she chose to sit on the bed.

~

Right from the get-go Kal'tsit has the intention of measuring Lappland's... everything. Looking for any foothold that will give her power over the negotiation, some way to maneuver Lappland into giving her exactly what she wants; a teacher for Popukar who can handle the little berserker and an operator with a talent for improvising and resourcefulness that would absolutely be willing to cross names off a list if Kal'tsit needed her to.

The conversation is a game of chess, of battleship, right from the start and they both know it. Lappland thinks back to the mafia sit-downs her father brought her to for a reason! This is one, in its own way.

On top of all this, we know from Il Siracusano that Lappland despite everything still wants her father's approval and affection. So when she's confronted with a woman who on a surface level reminds her of her father who is not so subtly asking if she wants to get into bed, she's gonna have a boner that's hard (lol) for her to examine all at once (lolol).

The rest of the scene really consists of them testing the water, trying to gauge where the other person is at and what they're getting out of it. Lappland is set up to both care about kids and also Amiya, and Kal'tsit cares about both of her daughters and keeping Rhodes Island alive and running and sometimes you need assassins and terrorists to do that. So they find somewhere in the middle to meet and Lappland doesn't rip her stitches because of ill-advised sex.

[aritany]

all over again | excerpt | a.ritany

(image id under the cut!)

April tastes and smells like rain.

And dirt, and grass. Petrichor. I turn the word over in my mouth without letting any sound escape, looking up at the smattering of stars visible between low hanging clouds. Shingles are hard and cold under my back, but I don’t mind. The moon is full and glorious, and that’s all that really matters.

“Ollie?”

I let my eyes fall shut. 

Riley swears as he climbs up from the balcony, an inventive combination of words I’d never think of smashing together.

As he’s sitting down on the roof next to me, I get up with a light huagh noise, hand on my abdomen.

“You feeling okay?”

I nod. “How’s Wynn?”

Riley draws his knees to his chest and presses the heels of his palms to his eyes. “Fine. She’ll be okay. It wasn’t… what I thought it was.”

My stomach pinches as I remember the look on Riley’s face when he’d seen her message. “Good. And are you okay?”

“I’m okay. I just hate the idea of the same thing happening to her, you know? Now that I’ve been through it.”

I nod, smiling lightly. “So you think life is worth living.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever said it isn’t.”

Even though I have the receipts to prove him wrong, I say nothing, because I’m not too keen on the idea of bringing up exactly how often Riley has scared the crap out of me.

He sighs, rubbing at his eyes and then letting his head fall back to look up. “You know, I always thought you were joking when you used to tell me you were sitting on the roof to look at the moon.”

“Really? How come?”

Riley lifts a shoulder. “You’re not a very moon person.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I follow his gaze as a wisp of cloud obscures one corner of the moon. 

“I don’t know, I guess I would have thought you’re more of a sun archetype.”

I smile wide, all teeth, but I don’t look over. “Why’s that?”

“Oh, come on. Don’t make me say it.”

“I think you should.”

He pauses. 

My gaze stays locked on the moon as the cloud drifts away. 

“You’re all cheery all the time, even when everything sucks. I guess you’re… brighter than most people.”

“Smarter-brighter, or shinier-brighter?”

Riley snorts. “I don’t think shinier and brighter are synonyms. And don’t deflect. You always do that when people try to compliment you.”

I don’t have anything to say to that, because he’s totally right, and if I keep telling him he’s right, it’s going to go to his head.

“You’re happy when you don’t have a reason to be,” he says, quietly. “It’s your default.”

This time I say nothing because the idea of Riley seeing me like that sends dismay tearing through me like a smoke bomb. Is that really what he thinks? That my default is happiness? It’s not.

“Or so you want everyone to think,” he adds.

I give up and let my gaze snap to his face. 

“I don’t think it’s natural,” he says, glancing away. “I think you choose it.”

My breath catches. “Then I’m not a sun archetype.”

“No, you are,” Riley says, and I can hear by the waver in his voice that his attention is wandering. “Who says the sun doesn’t have to choose, too?”

“Poetic,” I muse, and then let my eyes drop.

Normally he’d probably crack a joke right here, so I’m surprised when he just takes a deep breath. “Why do you like the moon better than the sun?”

I shrug. “I just like it. I like sharing space with it. And looking at it. You can’t look right at the sun.”

“Sure you can. Nab some sunglasses and you’re good to go.”

It’s several disorienting seconds before I realize he’s joking, and then I let out a spluttering huff and laugh. “Please never do that.”

He smiles good-naturedly.

I like that smile a little too much. “You can’t look right at the sun,” I whisper. “It doesn’t look the same no matter where you are.”

He bumps my arm. “Is this a metaphor? Are you trying to teach me something?”

I roll my eyes. “Relax. Not everything is some grand teaching moment.”

“You could have taken that and run with it, you know,” he points out. “Made it about the inherent beauty of the world, or some bullshit.”

“Some bullshit,” I echo, tamping down a smile. 

Only Riley.

“If I’m a sun archetype, what are you?” I ask him.

Riley makes a great big show out of flipping his hair. “A star. Obviously.”

I snort and elbow him in the ribs.

“It’s my—”

“I’ll push you off this roof if you say the words ‘transmasc swag’ in front of me,” I tell him mildly, and he grins.

“But I do have—”

“Shut up.” I shake my head, grinning.

We lapse into silence. I listen to the neighbour’s radio kick into low, easy jazz, muffled through closed windows. The air is cold. The breeze is cold. 

I’m not.

“You think I’m the moon archetype,” Riley says, after a moment. Then he looks over, and the question is all over his face.

I pause, and then I nod.

“You said so, a long time ago. When we were talking about sending Briggs and Galvin to one of Jupiter’s moons.”

“Did I?”

It’s honestly a surprise. Well, not really, because I can definitely see myself saying it. But I don’t remember that.

“You did.”

“Mm.” I nod. “Well. I stand by it.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Vibes.” I feel bad as soon as I’ve said it, because he obviously put so much effort into what he thinks about my archetype, so I clear my throat. “Dreamer.”

“Right.” Riley sounds a little unsteady.

“Intuition. Memory. Illusion,” I say.

“Is that why you like the moon?”

My stomach is all over the place, lurching like we’re on a boat, not on my roof. I add, “And because it’s beautiful.”

“You like the moon,” he says, like it’s puzzling, as though he hasn’t just asked me and I haven’t just confirmed it.

“And I like you,” I say quietly, before I can chicken out. I decide right then that he can take it however he wants, because whatever he’s thinking, whatever he’s imagining it means, he’s probably right. “I like the moon, and I like you. So what?”

“You like me.” His voice is even quieter than mine is. 

“Obviously.” My heartbeat kicks into overdrive. I’m not even sure what we’re talking about anymore, and I’m not sure I want to know. “I’ve told you that before.”

And I have. I’ve told Riley I like him, but not the way this feels. 

“You like me,” he repeats, and I can’t tell if he’s asking for clarification, or if he’s just letting the echo escape because he can.

Dread opens up in the pit of my stomach. “What do you want me to say right now?”

“Nothing,” he says, and then sighs. “I don’t want you to say anything.”

I’m relieved, and then I hate that I’m relieved. It’s not going to be tonight. And that’s okay. That’s good, even. I don’t need it to be tonight. 

Actually, I need it to not be any night. I need this to never happen, no matter how much I’d like it to.

“Ollie?”

Oh, no.

I don’t look over. “What?”

“Ollie,” he says again, gentler.

Slowly, I turn my head. Eyes last.

Riley reaches over and tucks one of my curls behind my ear. 

Oh, no. I can’t let this happen. 

Except I can’t move. 

Frozen, I whisper, “What are you doing?”

Riley takes a deep breath, hand lingering by my ear. “I’m going to kiss you.”

My heartbeat skips. “Why?”

“Because I want to.”

The worst part is that I can tell he does. Riley wants to kiss me, and it’s not even new information, but it hits me right in the soft centre of my gut, blooming ache. 

I can’t say anything. I can’t lie to him.

And then I’ve been quiet too long.

“You don’t want me to.” Riley pulls his hands back, and I hate the flicker of doubt that wipes the expression right off his face and leaves him like a blank slate.

He’s wrong, too. I do want Riley to kiss me. I really, really, really want it. I want it just as much as I don’t want to have to tell him the truth. 

Maybe even more. 

He turns away from me, shifting the angle of his knees. “Shit. Shit. Sorry.”

“No,” I burst out. “I want you to.”

His eyes dart back to mine.

“But before you do, I have to tell you something.”

“Okay,” he says, wary. 

The moon hangs over us, heavy, beautiful. 

Waiting.

I take a deep breath.

[technicalknockout]

What were some of your favourite pages in the book?

god thats a hard one jsnfjksdk the entire book is so good but i do have my favorites. heres an entire list

silly straws page - i read in 'dipper and mabel's guide to mystery and nonstop fun' that bill likes silly straws and thought it was a silly random tidbit, imagine how surprised i was when i realized there was LORE behind it.. im still figuring out some codes bc i dont wanna look them up and im having so much fun !!

stanford trying to keep me from reading the book page - "you cant hear the disappointed sigh im making rn, but i assure you it's devastating" i mean he failed to stop me from reading the entire thing in one sitting but i was just very happy to see ford's cursive again. It was really funny seeing him trying to guess what the reader would be convinced by (i saw the moth picture and thought 'whats that called, a goth moth?' I laughed out loud when it turned out that was actually its name)

urban legends page - as a long time fan of creepypasta the references in this page absolutely delighted me. Also the art is so realistically horrifying, whoever drew these i love you

the one true intelligence test - idk this page just made me laugh a lot

Entire anti-cipher society part - i love how instead of telling the story in just plain text, they made us follow the story with newspapers and journal pages. What was that called. I swear there was a name for that kind of storytelling if anyone knows pls pls tell me

every page with ford and fiddleford - BEAUTIFUL. SUBLIME. BEST THING TO EVER EXIST IN THE WORLD. I HECKING LOVE FRIENDS BEING WHOLESOME TOGETHER AND I LOVE IT MORE WHEN THEYRE MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS FROM MY FAVORITE SHOW. THEY MAD SNOWMEN OF EACH OTHER THATS SO CUTE

"but my aim is getting better" - do i need to explain this one

whatever this page is called;

I hated reading this (i loved reading this). i kinda got spoiled before i bought the book with an analysis post, had to literally put my phone down and think about what id just read. i think this page really puts bill and ford's relationship into perspective. ford's a person and bill's a multidimensional semi-god creature, bill will do and say anything in his power to get ford to do what he wants. this relationship cannot even begin to resemble normal. and also the forgetting your own name part horrified me, thats some good horror right there.. love it when books make me have a visceral reaction to tiny words on paper

call transcript from the police - OH the LORE and CHARACTER ANALYSIS FOOD RIGHT HERE. i could talk for hours about how bill straight up sucks at relationships and he's SO unwilling to admit he was upset about falling out with ford that he's lying to himself MULTIPLE TIMES OVER AND OVER and how a lack of genuine connection with people is eating him up - but if i talked about all that this post would spiral into insanity real quick. Also drunk bill talking into the phone was very very sad and very very on character and i could hear hirsch's bill voice inside my head it was really good aghjgnkhhh

stan's page - I ALMOST CRIED AND I KNOW THATS KIND OF A WEIRD REACTION BUT I SAW THE STAN PAGE IN THISISNOTAWEBSITEDOTCOM OKAY AND IT WAS MAKING ME VERY UNWELL I WAS EXTREMELY RELIEVED TO JUST HEAR THIS MAN SO HAPPY AGAIN STANLEY PINES I LOVE YOU YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING

yee that turned out longer than id anticipated jdndjs

overall this was amazing. an entire book written in my favorite character's voice is something i've only ever dreamed of and it's genuinely a frickin honour to have a copy in my house. my bookshelf is 2% more cursed now and i would not have it any other way.

one of these days im gonna black out and there will be a twenty-pages long essay on bill's social life on your feed. i advise you to gently scroll past it without looking.

[punch-love]

conflict anon here again and im SO GLAD you agree man. i think what really gets me about it is that i was specifically searching for conflict-packed fic and that's why i was so let down. i also feel like authors are entitled to write whatever they want forever but it just FEELS to me when im reading their fics like they would be happier writing something more domestic, and i want to find something where they're more feral.

i want the ID reveal and the relationship-confirming to cause MORE problems, hell i want them to get together and blow out into a massive argument and breakup then have breakup sex and get back together and then realize the sex didn't actually fix anything and then break up again but they can't stop being obnoxiously in each others space either way

but it feels like fic im trying to find like this fights the very concept of conflict so hard and wants one singular plot point to fix everything as quickly as possible without even walking me through the characters' insight as to HOW that fixed anything other than "problem over, let's be together forever now!" let alone the level of conflict that'd be so engaging like that with a million curveballs

im so aware its a personal taste thing its just been frustrating reading fic after fic after fic and finding so little of it. its no ones fault i can't find fic perfectly tailored to my tastes specifically, i just tend to ramble about my frustration. you and oprime and sci and a couple other authors are my favorite for writing it the way you do, she's not gonna die today will always be one of my favorite fics of all time because it gave me that ever persisting conflict driven by their obsessive need to stick together even when they're fighting every step of the way. i just always get into a longwinded ramble when this comes up and i was hoping youd like to share your thoughts so thank you for answering 🙏

I think this pairing kind of presents a unique challenge to writers (at least it did for me) that action and conflict is such a huge, borderline essential part of their canonical dynamic. If you're not used to writing/utilizing both physical and emotional conflict, your stories can often fall so, so flat for these two, specifically because that's the fuel that makes the engine run. The first true action scene I ever wrote was chapter two of love-punch, and I like, now I'm an action writer for life now (editing an action sequence as we speak) but I had to get out of my comfort zone because I realized that type of stories I wanted to write about them required them to beat the shit out of each other to work.

These two are definitely not problem solvers so much as shit starters. I feel like for them, the problems they actually have to solve are the ways they perceive each other (because both of them heavily project onto the other) and what that means long-term for their relationship - every other form of conflict, to me, is up for grabs forever when it comes to their relationship. The shit talking, ass kicking, and fire starting is what makes them, them.

I've said this before, but a lot of people write fanfiction as an exploration of their own ideal relationships. (which is absolutely fine) I think spideypool is a difficult sell though, for that specific fantasy, because their relationship operates on instability and violence primarily. I think most people aren't looking for a relationship where your communication consists of name-calling, beat downs, and moral differences so severe it makes you almost kill each other a lot. That, does not make a good, a good or healthy real world relationship but SUCH a fun fictional one. People are going to write their fantasies out, though, and that fantasy is that one kiss/one fuck/one confession creates relationship fueled bliss forever because many people, hate conflict - both experiencing and reading it. It sucks, if you're a reader who likes problems. I also always say this, but I encourage you to channel that energy into writing your own work. It's what I did, and it paid off so great for me because now I have 12 works specifically catered to my own personal needs exclusively. Fandom is always going to suck, but you can be the change! (and if you don't want to write, that's cool too, sometimes it's good just to get your qualms out into the world and find people who agree)

tagging @primewritessmut again so she can read your praise straight from the source.

It's a tough fandom if you really like their canonical dynamic more than their fanon one, I feel you man. I am always holding a prayer circle that more writers who like problems more than they like easy resolutions joins in and starts writing some real fucked up shit.

[dino0nuggets]

Milkman x Reader NSFW WARNING

You do your usual job checking for any doppelgangers. You yawn because you had been working your ass off every night, trying to fight your sleep. "Hello, could you let me in please?" You look up at the tall man standing in front of you. God damn He's actually kind of hot you said in your head. "Hello? Uhh miss could you let me in." he says standing there leaning on the glass with his arm pressed on the glass. "oh yeah my bad you do the usual check-in. "yep everything looks good to me You're free to go." you were about to press the button when he spoke up. " Hey before you let me in can I maybe get your number?" Your head was spinning like crazy! Oh my god did he really ask for your number?! " oh yeah here." you give him your number and before he left he winked at you making your face red as you buzzed him in.

The next day you sit in your office waiting for the man that you wanted the most in the world to appear. A couple minutes later you see him around the corner and you rush to sit down. I mean come on you didn't want the man to know you were desperate for him. "hey." he says smiling. "h-hi um so how was your day." you stumble on your words as you suddenly feel this feeling of lust as you stared into his dark brown eyes. "it was good. How was yours?" he says with a smile." "Shitty as always," you say as you chuckle. "Well, I can make it even better. Will you let me come in there with you?" you think about it for a hot minute and you nod letting him in. He comes in and pushes you on your chair getting down on his knees. You sit there in shock as you blush. " W-what are you doing, you know we can't do this I'm still working!" you say looking around for cameras. " Shh let the milkman do his job. Ok, darling?"

You blush in his response. He pulls up your short mini-skirt and takes off your thong. "Fuck baby girl your so wet for me." You start to look at him with lust. "Please I-I need you." you smile and gets closer to your wet pussy. he rubs your clit and sticks his tongue in you as you moan in pleasure. You hear someone coming and you signal him to get under the desk. An old lady comes. "hello young lady, Here is my ID and pass." She says handing it to in the slot. fuck you said in your head as he start tongue fucking you again. "O-of course," you say stuttering you check her and buzz her in trying not to let out a moan as he goes faster. " Thank you, kind lady. Have a nice day darling. She goes into the apartment "Fuck i-i." your mind starts to fog up almost reaching your climax. He notices and stops before you could cum. " Sorry baby, I can't let you cum that easily. I want you to cum on my big cock." You look down at him giving him your puppy eyes. " But I want to cum now." you said looking away. "aww don't give me those eyes. I promise to make you feel good, ok baby?" you nod.

He takes off his clothes revealing his six-pack. You blush at the sight because well this was your first time seeing a man take off his shirt in front of you, let alone see a six-pack! He takes off his belt and pants revealing the big bulge in his boxers. "Like what you see ?" he says smirking. You blush. "shut up." you say looking away. He laughs and gets closer to you. " Want to take off my boxers for me." you look down and then up at him. " s-sure." you reach over to him and take off his boxers. When you take them off his cock stands up. with hesitation, you try to touch it. "Go ahead darling touch it. Don't be shy now." You touched it and it almost felt hard as a rock. He pushes you back in the chair and shoves his fingers in you, hitting your G-spot. You moan at the pace he is going, you grab onto the arms of the chair digging your nails into the leather. "Goddamn baby your so fucking tight I don't know if it's going to fit." You cum on his fingers. "Suck on my fingers. I want you to know what you taste like." you suck on his fingers sucking your cum from his fingers. "Ready baby?"

[mkeyztrm]

okay but i do wanna be real really quick about what’s been going on for me personally, i feel like i haven’t been honest with anybody even in my personal circle of friends.

so, seasonal depression has been hitting me hard. if you don’t know what that is, here’s the definition.

I have no idea how to explain how I feel in real words, so I’m gonna write out a scenario that explains it.

imagine a truck coming at you from your left side. full speed, fully accelerating no stop.

imagine a train coming at you from your right side. off the rails, full speed, fully accelerated, no stop.

there’s only one way out, and that’s the doorway infront of you, but in order to exit through that doorway you’d have to face a thousand blades infused with the worlds deadliest snake venom.

You can’t go back, that’s your worst choice.

behind you stands a 6 foot brick wall enforced with lasers, spikes, thorns, knives, daggers, swords, bullets, cannons. any object that can cause harm, but you don’t see that just by looking at it. It’s sugar coated with portraits of all your best memories, the things you could go back to if you just climb over that wall and “save yourself”. But you know it’s a trap, and that as soon as you ground yourself on the other side you’ll face the worst outcome you could’ve ever imagined.

now the truck never hits you, neither does the train. it’s the anticipation of “when will it hit me, when will it all be over” that’s really getting you going. the adrenaline rush of knowing you could either make it out, or stay there stuck in a trance of your very own irrational fear of confrontation.

in short, your options are limited.

the only true choices you got are;

stay there and continuously be stuck in a loop of emotions

go back, and face your worst nightmares.

go forward, risk losing it all.

or, you go forward, say “fuck you” to all those negative thoughts, all the negative outcomes and go forward with your life.

now picture everything I’ve just described in that writing as one, singular emotion / feeling. imagine that emotion constantly lingering. any feeling of being happy making you feel guilty afterwards.

that’s what I have been going through. some days i feel fine, great, amazing even. then once i get hit with another wave of this negative feeling i regret ever saying anything to anyone in the first place. It’s really messing with my life. it’s been to the point I’ve crossed the thought of “sewer slide”. i haven’t had those thoughts in ages. i don’t want to do it, I’m not going to do it. /srs but something makes me wonder what everyone’s lives would be like if I wasn’t here. would they be better? /rh probably not because I don’t really impact people that much LMFAO. but I’m not gonna die guys /srs pls don’t report me to safe2say 😭😭😭😭. My relationships are fucked up. I’m slowly distancing myself from anyone i don’t see everyday and the fact I’m aware of it is what really makes me feel regret over it. my love life sucks, im so very genuinely trying my hardest to shake the thought of it away, but no matter how many times it leaves it just comes back even stronger. Anytime I see couples it just reminds me even more that the only people who’d love me romantically are my exes. though, even my exes were just confused and the majority of them actually just saw me as a friend. they just couldn’t differentiate platonic and romantic. all i want is for someone to love me just as much as i love them. i think id do just about anything to have a healthy, stable relationship where communication is there.

that’s really wrecking me, but there’s definitely been some good things.

my best friend is being released from residential soon, and i miss her so fucking much. she means the entire world to me, no person could ever compare to her. she’s so stunning on the inside and out, and she doesn’t recognize it as much as she should. she deserves the world. she’s gonna celebrate my birthday with me we’re gonna have my first birthday party ever at her house :)

my other best friend is gonna hangout with me this weekend, we’re gonna get matching hair dye. I’m gonna get split dye and I think she’s picking one of the colors. she’s learned so much about me and I’ve learned so much about her, it’s honestly so refreshing to hangout with her and leave everyone else in the past for a minute. she doesn’t understand how much of a positive impact she has on me. <3

i wrote a lot, sorry for yapping. i just figured I’d be deadass for a minute, even if no one really cares it’s nice to be able to get the words out in a way

[meet-at-tycho]

OKAY MORE I CANT HELP IT...

you better believe i show them off, too. like no ones business im always LOOK. AT WHAT MY FRIEND DID... look, im so proud of them 😽😽 i really am like WOW!!! idk im enamored anything they do is the best thing in the world to me. whats that about rose tinted glasses? thats how it is SORRYYYY cant help it you are perfect to me and i love you like. IM ENTHRALLLED theres a lot of words i could use to describe how i feel about them. hooked is a good one, absolutely CAPTIVATED, hook line and sinker baby im in heaven 🥳 im still coping cuz im still lonely but. if i flood my mind with the thought of them, itll be enough to get my thru til they come back :]

dude i remember last halloween? best halloween ever okay I . i mightve been dying of sleep deprivation but i got correctly gendered the entire fucking day AND. i had my bestie in my phone, idc if i looked rude or anything talking to her the whole fcking day? i feel so. LOST when im without them, so knowing i had her with me the entire time like. I REALLY HAD SUCH A GREAT TIME.. i wish i could relive that day over and over again, but i still have more days to experience!!! shes so creative and brilliant and fucking UNHINGED like a little rat crawling thru the walls WHATS WRONG WITH HER.... idk but i love it :] she absolutely is carrying like. prehistoric diseases i dont know how and i dont know when shes gonna dispatch them but im afraid

or like? my birthday was a good example. neither of them knew it was cuz i dont like to tell people but.. we spent the day together and it . i was genuinely so happy, its the first birthday i havent ended up crying on. like YEAH yr right you WERE the gift!!!!!!! you genuinely were im. KICKING MY FEET AND GIGGLING

i spend the so much time with him, SIR. the man that you are im. only incomprehensible growling and barking comes to mind when i think of you BUT it translates to: YOU ARE EVERYTHING TO ME!!! no hes so silly for real i genuinely cant get enough of him. i remember. even the very first time we vced like just us, it wasnt even really awkward at all!!!! felt a little unsure but I HAD SO MUCH FUN.. our chemistry.. mr whiter..... really though its. or that time we spent like 12 hours in call together. i used to feel so sad when calls ended, sad enough that id just start avoiding them cuz i didnt really know when it would happen again, SO? thats like A WHOLE ENTIRE DAY.... we spent a whole day together and it went GOOD it was so .. perfect. such a big deal to me cuz like. i dont leave my house, i dont SOCIALIZE REALLY.. so to go for so long without even getting tired?? its genuinely a really big step for me. HE DID THAT...

but.. dont just love them for how they make me feel. i love everything about them. when shit gets hard i wanna try my best to be there cuz ive had people give up on me and it fucking sucked, i wont ever give up on you. they really are so special to me like. the best people ive ever met in my entire life and i MEAN that. you are so worth it, anything at all. ill be here!!! i wont ever leave you behind, how could i ever do that? my love doesnt come from what they do for me, it comes from THEM directly. their personalities, their hobbies, interests. glasses get rosier, theres nowhere id rather be! it feels so good to just.. idk. i like being here, i feel stable and comfortable and its all thanks to them

MAN dont talk to me ever. never speak to me!!! lot of feelings okay but. listenn..... ive got two eyes, one for each apple. EASY. lovemaxxing or whatever

[yveltalreal]

for both: how do you feel about family

Yveltal: It's all I know, isn't it? Ever since the beginning, it was Xerneas, Me, and Zygarde. Of course, there was a beginning before that. There were other legends before that, but I Palkia, Dialga, and Giratina... they aren't siblings. They existed long before us. Same with Arceus. Especially true for Arceus. I need to have family because if I don't have one, if someone cannot look at me and go "That's Yveltal, they're like family to me" then what am I? What am I except the hurt? I need to be the love as well, don't I? I love them both. I love them a lot, and I love the others too. Maybe it was a mistake to love them like friends and children, rather than axes and hammers. To treat them as family rather than tools. Who knows. I am nothing without them. I miss them. I miss Zygarde, even if they hurt us. Maple: i think its complicated. i love my parents. they arent the best. they sucked. they were busy. but i love them. they learned. theyre trying better. they love me. its whatever. my mom especially though. i remember talking to her. she didnt want to be him. she didnt want to be her either, so she ran. she thought that if she wasnt there maybe her love wouldnt be so strong that it hurt. thats what she told me. word for word. i get it. i love a lot too. it took her a lot longer. it took her so much longer to not be afraid. she was always afraid that if she looked at me too hard that id snap. that her hands werent made for holding a child. she didnt want me. she didnt treat me like she wanted me. i mean she wasnt cruel but she just wasnt there. it took almost losing her to realize everything. for her to be there. i love her. i love her a lot. i love them all. but i dont know. sometimes at night, i wonder if they really do care, or if its the bare minimum. i wonder how long that would have gone on, a child alone in a house filled with pokemon until the end of time if grandma didnt find us.

and my brother. i love my new brother. im glad hes never going to experiance what i did. but hes so small and scared. just like my mother. but unlike her i am built for hurting. a whole body staying alive because of the stolen life of others. hes so small. hes so fragile. when i look at him i know what my mom felt and i know she felt it worse. its fine. im not his parent. im his sibling and by arc am i going to be a good one.

and outside of them. outside of blood. where does it begin and end. aspen and jaime? im married to them. we're legally family. and i love them like that. and tori shes my sister and law now but she was kinda like family too. and estelle. family friends is just family to my family, sometimes, and shes a family friend. my grandma wants her to call her grandma as well. shes like a cousin. even if i cant remember when we knew eachother when we were little well i remember knowing her now. at least a little. tami is like my mom, even if shes an absol. same with most of my moms pokemon actually. one of the few things i can remember as a kid is them all gathering around as solar taught them how a first aid kit worked. it was so interesting watching a beeheeyem try to explain things to the others even if i couldnt understand that the bad scrape i had stopped hurting. and pickle. shes been here forever. well not forever. but shes been with me for like over 10 years. what is she? a sister? idk. shes my partner. shes my starter. and heph is also kinda like family even if ive had her for less than a year and theres dash and theres bibi and glacier and little and. storm. im rambling. i love them. theyre family too. i love them a lot.

anyways family is a choice, but sometimes youre obligated to make a certain choice, i think.

[studiousbotanist]

having a good night got some important stuff done and about to lay down but also under read more is some grief talk and theres pics of AJ so pleas be careful thanks . #grief #suicide m (IM SAFE ! LOL . MENTIONED IN PASSING !)

i was looking at my friend folder finding somethign goofy to send a pal and i saw this and ;_; i never added my damn image on here ..... this card means everything 2 me still . a really funny bit thats transformed adn i think i would like to print it out . also this comic but this one really just tore me open ! lol !

im carrying it in my heart . AJ was really right with this comic . i miss you hon . it's weird right . like i just go days and days feeling like i'm non existent and i'm not even here the dissasociation is so bad and the only thing tahts helped ground me is talking about the good or bad of how im feeling with everything . im trying to hold it in and move but i mean . i just have no self awareness whether i'm actually Doing the job im trying to (shell everything inside) or if i'm just a mess and its spilling everywhere . i am trying to be more open and concise but its hard when i cant grasp !!! the concept of time LOL and shit ive said ! anyway . anyway . i love my friends . we were put on this earth to hang out and love . i miss AJ and its hard trying to find silver linings to 2023, like . meeting kitt and lynn ! fun birthday ! silverscream con ! got one of the best jobs ive ever had ! but i would trade all of it for march 23rd to have never happened .

it does not feel right trying to find a positive for last year, to be honest . i wish i could just let myself admit it was a horrible year . we lost AJ . i nearly got stabbed again, i was in an awful mental state and i felt drifted further apart from my sis and sil than i had in a while . while a lot of it got better, thankfully, there was just so much rotten there . i nearly attempted again, but i have a wonderful support system irl that i really need to use more . (love you ari and ide and naomh) with all of this said, i can only hope 2024 will be kinder . ive had a couple friends already get terrible news . 11 days in i've got some shaky things going on but man . man . lol enough trying to make positive out of it i just want to cry !!!!!! last year sucked !!!!! last year suuuuuucked ! FUCK last year !!!! THROWING A TANTRUM !!!!!! phew . okay . thank you for reading . i miss my friend . im grateful for the friends that are still around and understand the feeling .

[harapeveco]

miss harapeveco since we are in the topic of anime pls drop some recommendations I don’t have anything to watch 

Omg oks so I have a very shitty taste in anime so this will be a very disappointing list but the ones I mostly recommend are:

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun: literally every scene is funny and iconic, it also invented m/f yaoi don’t ask it makes sense

Owari no Seraph: I mean this very unironically this anime fucking sucks but in a good way like nothing is ever explained, nothing makes sense and they gaslight you into believing the main boys are gonna be endgame by showing you a homoerotic scene of blood drinking. Just roll with it and don’t ask questions it’s better that way

The Persona 3 movies and the Persona 4/5 anime: the movies are really good they did a good job condensing +80 hours of gameplay in 4 movies (except the third movie but we don’t talk about that). Now when it comes to the persona 4 anime you can tell they didn’t give a shit that thing is just 24 episodes full of jokes and comedy the game wishes it had holy shit it’s really funny for no reason. The persona 5 anime is more complex in the sense that it’s very unwatchable if you go to it expecting something good. It’s bad it’s very bad it’s poorly animated and rushed and it’s just borderline unwatchable but it is really funny if you wanna have a good laugh about how bad something is I recommend it

Osomatsu-san: the first episode of the first season being yeeted into oblivion bc it was very much illegal to show all of it makes it worth it. Keep in mind this is an adult show (even if it doesn’t look like it) so there’s a lot of crude humor and sex jokes but all the characters are such trashy people I like to see them suffer 

Kiss him not me: if you are a shipper this one is for you. Basically the MC is a yaoi obsessed fan girl who wants to see her classmates date each other yaoinly but they want to date her instead 

ID Invaded: really good anime with a really good mystery and plot! Main character did everything wrong but I still love him also Sou did the opening for it 

Happy sugar life: very fucked up horror about a high schooler in love with a literal child but it doesn’t go like you think it goes, they don’t portray it as romantic or cute they very much portray it as the fucked up thing it is and how wrong it is. It’s good if you like feeling unsettled and like to watch things go from 0 to 100 real fast

The promised neverland: amazing series with an amazing mystery and atmosphere! It’s a shame it only has one season tho I hope they make a second season of it in the future but it’s a shame it only has one

Dr stone: it has science, it’s horny, you have over the top characters, what more do you want

Natsume book of friends: you love to cry? You wanna cry after watching every single episode? Ofc you do! This shit will hit you in the gut so hard you will never recover. A beautiful story about acceptance, platonic love, found family and yokai with the best and most realistic character development I’ve ever seen 

Gegege no Kitaro: this one is very broad bc no kidding this anime gets a new adaptation every decade. There’s a 60s version, a 70s version, an 80s version, a 90s version, a 2007 version, a 2008 version that is more adult and follows the manga and a 2018 version too if you like recent stuff more. Most of these are lost media tho good luck trying to find any version that is not the 2018 one. I forgot about the plot of it yeh uhhh basically a kid ghost is a medium between humans and yokai but he mostly play favorites with the yokai and sometimes fucks the humans over so idk if he’s really a medium, he’s very biased about it

The dangers in my heart: I talked about this one before but I’m talking about it again idc. Really cute and wholesome the MC is kinda horny but he’s like 14 boys at that age are pretty horny we have to stop pretending they aren’t. The first 3 episodes are so cringe they are very painful to watch but if you can go through them you will witness what I think it’s the cutest romance after horimiya. I don’t usually read manga bc I have the attention span of a rock but even I did a binge read of it bc it was just so good

King’s game: edgier than shadow the hedgehog 2006, it’s painfully bad like I can’t even begin to explain how horrible this anime is but good lord it made me laugh all the way through 

Chuubyo gekihatsu boy: one of the main characters is a catboy called Rei Tsukumo and another character is a cringe Utaite what more can I say? It’s just dumb cringe kids being dumb as fuck for 12 episodes and you know what? It’s very good at it

Horimiya: just watch it for the love of god just watch it

Sasaki to Miyano: you have miyano who is like “I wonder if I’m gay??? I’m not sure???” While he reads gay manga and straight up imagines himself kissing his guy friend in the mouth like bestie COME ON

Thats all the anime I can think of the top of my head, well adding anime classics like fullmetal alchemist brotherhood, haikyuu, my hero academia (I only follow it bc the Todoroki family drama is the only thing well written in it), dragon ball (not dragon ball z bc as much as I like it I prefer dragon ball and the cutesy adventure aesthetic it has) and ofc how to forget sonic x